#health problems. her skeleton IS PUT TOGETHER WRONG HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

TUA MEAN GIRLS AU

(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the film) (not to be misleading or anything :p)

(BEWARE: abuse, bribery, immoral deals, bullying, homophobia, outing, transphobia, violence, abortion, teen pregnancy, etc.)

(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)

(Regina) Five is the king of this school, and he has no plans to give up that position. He needs it to protect his people, as few and far between as they are, and himself, if he’s honest - he’s a trans and ace-aro kid in platonic love with the health class mannequin who he calls Dolores. Ruling with fear is basically all he can do. While he’s mean, you’ll soon realize that everything he says is more of a blunt observation that will improve your life if you just heed his advice. He doesn’t respect almost anybody - not the jocks, theatre geeks, nerds, cheerleaders, band kids - no one. However, if he does respect you, you have his trust and protection. And as a thirteen-year-old genius who only takes advice from always-slightly-drunk art teacher Agnes, his protection is pretty damn valuable: the last person who tried to hurt one of his people will never walk again. Leonard Peabody - he assaulted Vanya, and he paid. Five beat him to the point of hospitalization without getting a single speck of blood or bruise on himself, and Leonard’s the one who walked away in handcuffs. Do not fuck with any of Five’s people, or you have to fuck with Five. And you do not want to fuck with Five.

(Gretchen) Vanya is quiet and subdued, to the point where people question how she’s a part of the school’s most popular trio. If you talk to her for long enough though, it becomes clear: she knows any and everybody’s secrets. She writes for the school paper, and is known to write the stories her subjects don’t want anyone else to find out about. Like Diego, who she outed as bisexual last year to throw people off the trail of her own secret relationship with Sissy, earning her an ex-girlfriend and an ex-friend. She’s been trying to win Diego’s forgiveness ever since, but he won’t talk to her, returning every single one of her letters and gifts. (He’s blocked her number and all of her socials, which she only created to talk to him anyway.) She doesn’t know why Five keeps her around - Klaus loves to gossip, but Five never seems to want any of her secrets. She’s pleasantly surprised to find out that he apparently actually enjoys her company. (What?)

(Karen) Klaus is a fucking mess. He plays the dumb blonde (well, brunette) despite being a genius in his own right, even if he’s not at Five’s level. (To be fair, he’s pretty sure no one is.) He’s a drag queen on the weekends, a hangover from his time in the mafia gang, which he joined with his boyfriend Dave for six months after running away from home. Dave died in a gunfight, and Klaus has been fucked up (well, more than usual) ever since. Anorexia, PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicidal ideation, the works. But as lonely as he is, addicted to a fuckton of hard drugs and liquors to cope, he’s still an alluring, aloof, and bubbly popular girl, wearing pink skirts and glittery heels and leather corset crop tops to school every day. No matter how much his father Reginald beats him for it, he keeps being himself, because he’s brave and because even if Reginald hates him, someone far more important loves him… Diego. Diego, who Klaus has kissed under a million stars and in the lollipop shop down the road and on top of a cafeteria table. Diego, who Klaus has chased through the rain and into the street without rest or hesitation. Diego, whose words and promises and scribbles are immortalized on Klaus’ skin for all to see. Diego, who Klaus will love no matter how much bigotry they encounter or dickwads they’re beat up by or miles they put between them. Diego, Klaus’ ex-boyfriend.

(Cady) Allison is the new girl, and she has plans for the advantage being underestimated has brought her. She challenges Five on her first day there, earning his respect, and joins his group at the urgings of Klaus and Vanya, who like her company. A fashion queen, she acts as though she’s unfazed by any and everything, but nobody knows her true heartbreak - she still writes letters to a girl back home. Allison was expelled from her Christian private school for falling in love with a girl named Natalie, who she kissed in janitors’ closets and who she beat up racist and homophobic blondes for. She has no tolerance for bullies, and yet becomes one under Five’s guidance - until she upends his reign as queen bee and signs her death warrant. (Though she later finds out he was more angry at her for stealing Klaus and Vanya’s affection than his popularity.) Now her only hope for happiness in her final days is Ray, the Shakespeare-quoting nerd in her English class… or Luther, the quiet dork in the Star Trek t-shirts in her math class. Fuck, she misses Natalie.

(Aaron) Luther is the posterboard for toxic masculinity. He’s on the football team but hates it, preferring his math tutoring and fantasy books to tackling drills. His bisexuality is his deepest secret - he once slept with Diego when they were drunk at a party after a football game, and he can’t get it out of his head. He keeps thinking about what might happen if somebody found out - would he be shunned like Diego? Trapped like Vanya? Plastic like Klaus? He doesn’t know. All he can do is continue to be kind and hope Allison loves him enough to love every part of him, beyond his good lucks and British accent and fucking Ray. So Luther stands up to Five, and pays the price. He compliments Klaus on his skirts, and pays the price. (Diego seems to simultaneously love and hate him for it, it’s confusing.) He holds the door open for Ben, and pays the price. He’s big enough to be scary, kind enough to be overlooked - but after that incident with Vanya, everyone looks at him like he’s a monster to be locked up. And soon enough, “star student” Luther, “teacher’s pet” Luther, “completely under the principal’s thumb and completely friendless and completely terrified of the world around him” Luther might just break under all that pressure.

(Janis) Diego is the school’s resident outcast and rebel punk - he wears skirts and fishnets and whatever the fuck he wants because if Klaus taught him anything when they were dating it was that gender is a construct and he looks hot in leather. They broke up when Diego was outed and Klaus chose to stay quiet when people started shunning Diego for it, but despite it all, Diego still loves him. He misses when they used to paint their nails together, because he has to paint his own now. They used to stare up at the stars together and fall asleep in the grass, curled up in each other, on the nights that Klaus would run away in terror from his dad and Diego would breathe with him and let him press his hand against his heart until Klaus’ panic died down. His heart still flutters when he sees Klaus smile around a lollipop… but he won’t take him back. He won’t. He just can’t forgive him. So instead, he talks to his mom about everything. He plays soccer with his sister Eudora. He paints shit while smoking weed with his best friend Lila. He thinks of Luther being scared of him and laughs. You know, he was almost in Allison’s position freshman year - Five loved him, and so did Klaus and Vanya, but then Vanya outed him to the whole school for no reason like a day before he and Klaus were going to come out together. And now they’re all estranged, and Diego has the strangest feeling that he’s lost his family, even though his mom is the only real family he’s ever known. But maybe he’s wrong. Because Klaus keeps sending him “anonymous” letters, leaving them on the porch and spilling secrets Diego never even would’ve imagined him having. But forgiveness is still a question - that is, until one day Diego gets a letter in a different handwriting: Five’s, telling him to man the fuck up and love Klaus before he kills himself trying to tear the stars down for Diego’s own personal pleasure, and suddenly, Diego is crying on his porch in the rain, missing a slender, sassy skeleton in his arms and a pink, bruised but unbroken heart in his chest.

(Damien) Ben is everyone’s favorite, and the kindest person in the world. He used to be Klaus’ best friend, but that ended when Ben got into an accident (there was a bus involved, that’s all you need to know) that landed him in a wheelchair and Klaus couldn’t deal with the mental pain it caused him. They still stare at each other longingly from across the cafeteria, but never say a word to each other, not even in class. But beyond Klaus, Ben has never had any friends, though he has a million aquaintances: he’s the only student in the school that everyone loves and respects. Five holds the door for him, though Ben can tell without having to ask that Five would rather nobody know that. He hangs out with Diego because he knows Diego’s lonely, even if he never wants to admit it. He advises Allison not to let anyone control her, telling her he knows Natalie from summer camp and that the deaf girl still loves her and reads every single one of her letters. He gives Vanya his lunch when she skips to cry in the gym after Diego yells at her, even though a part of him might think she deserves it sometimes. He plays sports with Luther after school and offers him an ear and some jokes about his problems, and a few touchdowns when he’s feeling good. He acts as Ray’s student consultant, because he knows how hard Ray works to treat him like an equal. He tutors Eudora in basically everything, but cuts study sessions short to play video games when he can tell she’s too stressed to think. He’s ace and pan and proud about it; he runs the school’s GSA; he defends Diego and uses the right pronouns for Lila when they’re alone without Lila ever having to him he’s trans. He bugs Reginald’s office in one of their many meetings and records enough conversations to get him fired when he tries to expel Five. And finally, karma rewards him - Klaus shows up at his house with a box of brownies he baked himself, all covered in smiley faces, and shoves them into Ben’s hands, shaking his head when Ben assumes they’re for Diego. I miss you, Klaus tells him, and Ben tugs him down into a kiss, pulling away with a stammered apology. I’m sorry, he blushes, and Klaus beams, leaping into his lap and hugging him closer than ever, the two of them queerplatonic partners from then on, forever linked by their fingers in the hallway. Happy. Finally.

Lila is the shy artsy kid who carries around one of those leather brown satchels that looks threatening but is really just code for “I think I’m too cool for a backpack so I stuff all my incorrect homework and favorite comic books into this sack of knockoff pig skin instead”. He’s covered in paint most of the time, and wears Alice in Wonderland combat boots and Sharpie-doodle-covered jeans and big black hoodies and soft grey beanies; he’s trans and hacked off his own hair until an undercut with choppy slash bangs and there’s pink streaks in them, of course, to match the bubblegum he’s always chewing. His nails are bitten and black, and his skin is decorated with tattoos that are almost exclusively Bo Burnham quotes, with the exception of Diego’s name right over his heart. (Diego has Lila’s name over his too - and Klaus’ and Eudora’s, though he’d never tell them that.) He gives his skirts to Klaus and gets along well enough with Five, them both being trans and all, and everyone else knows him as that kid who’ll spread rumors and steal things for bribes. It’s not like he can get in more trouble than he’s already in - he lives with his bigoted and abusive bitch of a mom. But Diego is his best friend - the one he shoots and stabs things with, the one whose ex-boyfriend he talks to because Diego will never admit to himself that he misses Klaus like he would his own lungs if they were torn from his chest, the one whose sister he’s in love with. Wait. Fuck. Oops.

Eudora is Diego’s sister, and the captain of the soccer team. She wears her red jersey with the white numbers to school every day, and is covered in tattoos of magical creatures, because she believes in all of them. She wishes she was a werewolf, and has dressed up as one every year for Halloween since she was ten. (And she’s let anyone dressed a werewolf give her a hickey just in case that turned her. It’s good to have all your bases covered.) She has a broken down pick-up truck named Travis-Trevor-Thomas-literally-any-other-T-name that she loves beyond belief, and drives Diego to and from school in it, though he grumbles about it every day. She eats lunch with him even though he insists he’s fine eating alone and wants her to go away, because she knows he’s lying, and she hangs around the GSA with him sometimes too. She’s lab partners with her brother’s “secret” ex-boyfriend, and is concerned by how quiet he is - she’s seen enough documetaries to know that quiet never means anything good. But unfortunately, she has her own academic drama to deal with - Hazel and Cha-Cha hate her for helping Klaus, and she hates them right back, leading to failing grades in both English and history no matter how brilliant her work is. Mostly, though, Eudora tries to get to know Lila - the pretty, angry, sarcastic emo boy she shares half her classes with, and flirts with every day despite how he ignores her. (ONLY because Lila still smiles and laughs every time she flirts with him, and Eudora knows from Diego that Lila thinks Eudora only flirts with him because it’s some sort of game of “if you get the guy who’s hard to get you win the hundred dollar bet” deal. Otherwise she would’ve backed off immediately because not doing so would be harassment.) Eventually, though, Eudora runs off-field in the middle of a soccer game and over to the stands to ask Lila to prom. Finally, she gets a yes - and, most importantly, a real smile, curled against her own mouth like a Cupid’s bow of promise.

Sissy is Vanya’s ex-girlfriend, and Fuckwad Carl’s current girlfriend. She hooked up with him after breaking up with Vanya, too drunk to even speak, and now her belly’s ballooning and her parents are gonna kick her out unless she marries him like a good Christian woman. And she really didn’t expect herself to tell them to fuck off for this one, but apparently lesbianism makes you do crazy things - so here she is, standing on Ray’s porch in the pouring rain and hoping for the best. She’s depressed and shows that by reading the Bronte sisters; Klaus opens the door for her and brings her notes with doodles all over them which makes her cry; she misses Vanya but hates her for what she did to Diego. And yet Vanya’s there when she goes to the abortion clinic, smiling and joking and holding her hand like always. One day she’ll have a baby and she and Vanya will raise it right, but fuck - that baby sure as hell won’t be Carl’s. (Because fuck that guy.)

Ray is a humanitarian, so, naturally, he’s also the student council president. Five has never mistreated him, because everyone loves and respects Ray, even his critics. He nurtures Allison’s intelligence and encourages Vanya’s musical habits. He tutors Klaus in basically every subject but never talks down to him because he knows the kid’s a genius, just a bit spacey from all the drugs (and the ADHD, let’s be honest). He helps bring Luther out of his shell and takes Lila out shopping for boy clothes, all of which he pays for himself. He’s not scared or offended by Diego’s sarcasm or intensity, instead greeting him every day in class with a new dad joke. He treats Ben to intelligent conversation like an equal and doesn’t let Five be so harsh he’ll regret it later, though he still lets him say what he means and be himself. Everybody knows he’ll be the real President one day - even if for now he wears pajamas to school every day because, in his words, “Clothes are just too much fuckin’ work, man.” (There’s a possibility he may have still been high from hanging out with Klaus that day.)

The Handler is the evil physics teacher. (I don’t know why I said evil clearly all science teachers are evil.) (Yes this is coming from a place of aggression but hey at least I recognize that.) (Plus he deserves it. So fuck you.) (*sticks tongue out*) (Don’t you see how mature I am?) (I’m sorry I’m sorry back to your regularly scheduled programming -) She’s Lila’s mom, and continually and constantly misgenders him (and Five!) in class, not even because she hates trans people, just because she hates him (and Five!). Five always challenges her dictatorial rule, refusing to participate in solidarity with Klaus when she forces Klaus to sit out for wearing skirts. She keeps trying to flunk Ray too, the little bitch, but he just keeps doing so well that she can’t even come up with a falsely plausible reason to fail him! She’s been bribing Hazel and Cha-Cha to flunk certain students for years, unaware that Lila has been stealing from the Handler’s own purse to double those prices for those students to ace their classes. Everybody hates her, and for good reason. I hope she gets fired. (Shut up and let me project onto fictional characters, assholes.)

Reginald is the evil principal and Klaus’ abusive dad. He sends Klaus to school every day in a boys’ “uniform”, which Klaus has to change out of in the bathroom every day with borrowed clothes from Allison. (Anything he owns lives at her house; they have an agreement.) Once Klaus forgot to wash off his nail polish before Reginald came home and he broke all of Klaus’ fingers one by one. (Agnes wants to beat him into dust with a rolling pin.) Klaus stays at Diego’s house a lot, though Klaus refuses to come after they break up even though Diego makes it clear that his door will always be open. Five, therefore, is super protective of Klaus - every time he comes over, he’s super respectful when Klaus is in the room and then verbally rips Reginald to shreds as soon as he’s gone. He once stayed over for an impromptu sleepover when he noticed that Klaus was terrified-ly coming up with more and more ridiculous excuses for Five to stay and not leave him alone with Reginald, and as soon as Klaus was asleep, tiptoed around the house to set up bugs and cameras he got from Ben. He gives all of the evidence to Eudora to deliver to the police, who arrest Reginald and leave him to rot in a cement cell for the rest of his sorry fucking life while Klaus goes on to live Happily Ever After because fuck you and your stupid as shit traditionalism and inhumane experiments you lying scheming fuckwad of a psychopathic monster toad.

Hazel is the exhausted English teacher. His secret? He hates every book he teaches. Also he’s been taking bribes from the Handler and Lila because teachers don’t get paid enough in our society. Also his wife Agnes of twenty years divorced him a year ago for the whole bribery situation and he’s been sleeping in his car and using the school’s facilities to appear fine. Yeah, Hazel’s a mess. ANYWAY - Five is the only one who seems to know what’s going on, and Hazel would like to keep it that way. He knows Klaus is a genius with words but doesn’t know how to tell him that, and he knows Diego’s favorite book is Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen and has agreed to take that secret to his grave. (What, it’s a good book!) His class is the only place Diego and Klaus dare to interact, and he’s noticed - they often pair up for assignments and take to the floor or beanbags in the corner, often cuddling up and giggling over whatever book or assignment they’ve been sent off to read or do. Hazel also has another hopeless couple he teaches, Lila and Eudora - eventually Hazel starts leaving Lila’s sappy poems about Eudora on Eudora’s desk when she comes in for her own class (separate from Lila’s) because there is no other way those two idiots are getting together, let’s be honest. There’s just too much communication. Mostly Hazel misses his own wife, Agnes - but he’s been out of luck since he cashed it in with the science department, hot cocoa whore that he is.

Cha-Cha is the history teacher, and she has all the sass and dry sarcasm required for that job. She will beat a bitch up for telling her she can’t teach critical race theory, and plays Drunk History and Overly Sarcastic Productions in her class basically every day. She doesn’t believe in tests because if she did she’d have to grade them, and she likes animated kids’ movies and TV shows, especially Paw Patrol and Sofia the First. (Yes, obviously she’s single. She’s also ace-aro, so who the fuck cares.) She takes the Handler and Lila’s bribes because she runs an underground wrestling ring and would like to continue feeding her pitbulls gourmet food. The only kid she’s truly on edge with is Five, who often challenges her in debates - she can’t decide if she’s impressed or enraged about it. Whatever. School’s out, bitches.

Agnes is the art teacher who knows everything about everybody. All of her art is of donuts. (Of course.) She’s a damn good cook, especially of pizza - and donuts. (Naturally.) She always has munchkins available for her students - and donuts! (She always saves the chocolate glazed and jelly ones for Five and Klaus.) She likes to rap explicit beats in her car and play her music so loud it shakes the ground and you can hear it from miles away. (Obnoxious.) So she doesn’t restrict her kids’ projects because that’s not what art is about. (And because it would make her a hypocrite, obviously.) Sure, she divorced Hazel, but hey - she’s living her best life, and eventually he’ll come to his senses and come crawling back to her at three a.m. to badly lipsync a Justin Bieber song about missing her, and she’ll leap out the window into his giant hairy arms and kiss him on his ginormous teddy bear face. Because Agnes, at heart, is a hippy. (And that’s love, bitch.)

Grace is Diego and Eudora’s (and everybody’s!) mom. She goes out for drinks with Agnes on the weekends and to clubs with Pogo every Friday (the librarian/unofficial therapist who acts as her mouthpiece when Diego does something stupid and won’t listen to her advice, the moron). She’s kind to everyone, but takes no one’s bullshit: you hurt her kids, you die. Important Notice: Everybody Is Her Kid. So be kind to everyone, dickwads. Well - except Reginald. And the Handler. Both of whom she bitchslaps for mistreating her precious babies. She then takes in Klaus because Diego loves him, and Ben because Klaus loves him, and Lila because both Diego ad Eudora love him. The only reason she didn’t take in Sissy was because Ray already had her taken care of. She’s a literal angel sent from heaven and we should all be worshipping her like the goddess she is I’m sorry I don’t know when this became Grace Appreciation Day™ but hey I’m here for it and I have no regrets.

#tua #the umbrella academy #mean girls #i don't even like that movie #i kinda hate it actually #i know i know i'm sorry #anyway #kliego #ralluther #klaus &x ben #vanya x sissy #five &x dolores #eudorla #the crack ship of allison x natalie portman because i'm tired okay #hazel x agnes #hazel & cha cha #the hargreeves #the hargreeves & friends #i don't know what this is #fuck you reginald #trans boy lila because i said so #trans five because it's canon #enjoy this mess fuckers #i have no idea what i'm doing #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves

[abalonetea]

Bolte and Red 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, 11, 12, 15. Captain 16, 18. Blue 17, 16, 1, 2, 3

AHHH YOU’RE SPOILING ME FRIEND THANK YOU

_-_-_-_

BOLTE AND RED

1. Their physical weak spots

You could argue that all of Red is a physical weak spot. His head injury knocked him down to a total of 5HP. It’s pretty easy to take him down if the Intent is right - and it usually is in their world. More specifically, he’s got a nasty wound on one side that is still very tender even though it’s also pretty old. A hard knock there will have him coming right down. 

Bolte’s biggest physical weak spot is his right leg. He pretty much shattered it several years back and it did not heal up correctly. He should have a cane, but presently uses magic to support/ignore the fact that it’s a problem. That being said, it’s pretty easy to knock him down if you land a hit there!

2.Their emotional/moral weak spots

Bolte and Red have always been each other’s biggest weak spots. Keeping each other safe is the only thing they’ve always wanted, and there’s nothing that they won’t do to ensure that end goal. They made a promise when they were children and it was supposed to be no matter what, you’ll keep going but it quickly became, no matter what, I won’t let you die. 

3.Scars or painful spots

*low whistle* It’s not a pretty sight, once Bolte gets his shirt off. There’s the one on his left shoulder, where Midnight’s lollipop scythe carved a deep rivet after he stepped out of line one time too many, the scars on his face from his “graduation” battle against Captain, when he first became general. The burns on his hands from learning fire magic and the mass of knotted scar tissue on his lower back, from his days training to become a knight. The discoloration on his knee, the mana-bullet burns left on his upper arms, the place Dazzle dug his claws in too tight when Bolte showed up baring bad news. 

(the deep wretched wound on his HEART that’s still seeping and the calcification that covers up once vivid amber and molten red)

Red’s a little better off, but only barely. He has a nasty one on his side where it was split open when he was eighteen and Bolte was sixteen, and they stitched it up together in a little hidden nook of The Wastes. The other big one he has is on the side of his head, mostly hidden by his hair, from when he got caught up protecting Bolte during a Capitol War; this one nearly did him in, and stripped away his magic when it happened.

6. Their vices (physical or emotional)

Red doesn’t drink because he has no control over how much he drinks, and it can get out of hand really fast. He does smoke, however, and would smoke a lot more if cigarettes weren’t so expensive back home.

Bolte will claim he has no vices. This is largely because Captain broke him of the habit of smoking (by breaking a few fingers) and because he can’t risk anything like gambling or drinking. But I’m pretty sure you can count the fact that he gets into fights on purpose as a vice, and also probably his very bad temper, too.

10. Fears/phobias 

Bolte is terrified of spiders and he will not admit this, ever. 

Red’s got a pretty nasty fear of heights. 

11.  Bad or petty habits

Bolte is a bundle of bad habits that function as an even worse coping mechanism, from the fact that he’ll smother pain down with magic so he can ignore a wound and work longer, to the fact that when his HEARTsickness is really acting up, he’s prone to putting his fist through walls or trees to try and get it to calm itself down. He overworks, under sleeps, always gives Red the biggest portion of food. 

Red wears his mask nearly constantly at this point, from anxiety. He’s not that great at coping with things either, but he’s, uh, marginally better than Bolte. Sort of. He picks at the furry sleeve of his jacket whenever he’s stressed and he will do the same thing to your couch. Fair warning.

12. Grudges and vendettas

Bolte’s only remaining grudge is with the queen. He’s taken care of all the rest. One of these days, he’ll take care of her, too.

Red isn’t at a point where he’s able to hold grudges anymore, unless you count the one he holds against himself, for not being able to get Bolte into a better place.

15. What it takes to make them cry

Bolte doesn’t think he has any tears left by the time the story starts; he’s moved past crying and is stuck in a permanent state of anger and rage and desperate determination to survive. But then they get to Fields of Fara, and it turns out that a little softness, a little kindness, a little sleep and health is exactly what makes him cry. (you know that reddit post about the bf crying when his gf washes his hair because it’s just so nice and kind? that’s bolte)

Red has nightmares, a lot, that frequently bring him to tears. He does a lot of getting teary-eyed when Bolte gets hurt and it doesn’t matter how many times he lives through Bolte dying, it always makes Red sob.

_-_-_-_

CAPTAIN

16. Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Captain killed Frost, the general before Bolte. He tried to make a move on her, and she landed the final blow. This still would have gotten her in a lot of trouble with the Queen, though, so he’s simply gone missing under strange circumstances, presumed dead.

18. Things they’ll never admit

That Bolte is her best friend, that she saw his tag line when it read future hero, that every day she blames herself for stripping it into something else. That there’s a summer dress hanging in the back of her closet and she’s never been loyal to the queen, not for a second, and one day she’s going to strip Midnight from the throne or die trying. 

_-_-_-_

BLUE 

17.Regrets

Not being able to stop Kee sooner and getting Locke tangled up in this mess of glitches and time loops and violent, angry people. Not being able to see what was really happening in the labs. (not being able to stop so many loops from ending badly)

16. Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet

The fact that Blue remembers the time loops is a secret for the majority of the book. At least, he thinks it is! He also never fully comes clean to Locke about some of the things he does during his unfortunate stay in Fara Falls. Isn’t it handy, how loops undo Level gains? 

1.  Their physical weak spots

Blue only has 1HP. It doesn’t take hitting a weak spot to bring him down.

2.  Their emotional/moral weak spots

There’s really nothing that Blue won’t do for Locke. He wants to keep Locke safe and he wants to survive - and sometimes he’ll go the extra mile and take that extra step to make sure it happens. He’s also very quick to judge, which is part of why he and Bolte start off on the wrong feet.

3.  Scars or painful spots

None of Blue’s scars have stayed through the resets, but he has a pseudo-scar on his left arm from where Kee grabbed him one time too many that’s always a little tender, even if nothing is physically there.

#groundhog day

[rainbows-fanfics]

Two Dearest Friends (Chapter 10)

Summary:

Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King of Halloween Town, meets Sally, a ragdoll created by Dr. Finklestein. A friendship blossoms between them as he introduces her to the world outside of her tower. Sally is falling for him as their relationship grows into something more, and Jack finds the same is happening to him.

A story where the Christmas incident never happens, and Jack and Sally find their happiness on their own.

Pairings: Jack Skellington/Sally

At 6 A.M., when the pumpkin sun begins to rise over the horizon of Halloween Town, Jack Skellington is already awake. But he has yet to overcome the first challenge of the morning: getting out of bed. His thin figure is still wrapped underneath the blankets, staring at the ceiling wordlessly. He must've been doing this for about an hour or so, though he lost track of the time long ago. It was rare for him to be sluggish in the morning. But after what happened last night, there isn't any reason for him to just jump out of bed. All he can think about is snapping at his old friend. His old, old friend, who knew him ever since he was a child...the same man who watched him become King. A man he shared many fond memories with, and once considered him as some sort of father figure. The same man he threatened just last night. He was in a fit of frustration. It pained him to hear Sally cry again, but it was difficult realizing who to put the blame on. He was hoping Finklestein would gradually learn to treat her better after he realized she kept leaving, but it was the exact opposite. He defaulted to restricting her with him; enough to the point where she snapped. He felt bad for her - he really did. And he wanted nothing more than to make sure she was safe. But why was he feeling so awful? The screeching of his doorknob interrupts his thoughts, as well as the loud scream that accompanies it. "JACK!" He - quite literally - jumps out of bed and rushes over to his closet, struggling to peel off his night gown and put on his undershirt. He slips on his pants, then digs through his drawer to find his bat bat bow tie. He puts on his suit last and hurries down the stairs, still buttoning it up, before swinging the door open. He finds the Mayor on his front porch, his hand clutching the doorbell. His arms are full of papers and his face is visibly sluggish, the bags under his eyes unusually low and his mouth completely dry. He sees him and sighs in relief, but then groans and clutches at his forehead. "Mayor, you look absolutely pleasant! What's the matter?" "Can you believe I forgot today's date until an hour ago?" He rubs his free hand along the side of his face slowly. "That, and I've got a wonderful hangover...I shouldn't have let myself go last night..." "Come in." The skeleton ushers him inside right away. "I'll make those Worm's Guts you like." "--But we have to get going! We're already behind; Halloween is now officially 30 days away, and I-" Jack sits him down on his couch before he can protest any further. He disappears into the kitchen to fetch him a glass of water, which he hands to him. The Mayor makes himself comfortable in the den while the skeleton shuffles back into the kitchen to prepare their breakfast. While the faucet runs, he thinks some more about last night and a troubled frown finds its way onto his skull. He distracts himself again by cooking, and when the time comes to let it heat, he enters his den and finds the Mayor petting Zero with a gloomy feature expressed on his face. "I'm surprised you even got out of bed, Mayor." He comments, sitting in the chair across from him. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, really." He rests the side of his conical head on one of Jack's decorative pillows. "Halloween is more important than anything. And so is the town! What would they do without me?" "With all due respect, my friend, your health matters more." He grabs the empty glass to refill it in the kitchen. "-And I'm sure everyone will understand if you take a day for yourself. I can handle everything in your absence." He comes back and sets the water on his coffee table. It takes a few minutes for the words to register in the Mayor's head, but when they strike him, he sits up attentively on the couch. "--But, Jack, that's a lot of work! We have several things to approve, and among that, I have a lot on my plate today for the town!" The skeleton notices the papers on the table and grabs them to flip through. He finds hundreds of things on their to-do list alone, and even more on his colleague's personal documents. His friend is right - getting through these by himself would be a literal nightmare, and will most likely take up his whole day. As if the thoughts he's been dealing with from last night weren't enough, he'd have the stress of Halloween planning and town managing. Well, more than he already does. He attends to much of this alone, but the Mayor's personal affairs would eat into extra time. "I can manage all this," He says very convincingly, more to himself than anyone. "Why don't you take the day off and tomorrow we can catch up?" "Are...are you sure-" Jack remembers about their food in the other room and throws down the papers to dart back into the kitchen. He prepares a couple of plates and brings them back, offering the Mayor the one with most of the breakfast. He happily takes it and begins to gorge down the meal, an obvious sign to him that he hasn't eaten this whole morning. Jack doesn't say anything as he takes a seat and chews on one of the cooked worms, his mind overwhelmed with thoughts of Dr. Finklestein and Sally.   "This is horribly delightful!" The Mayor compliments. His colleague thanks him by bowing his skull and the politician momentarily sets down his plate. "I also wanted to thank you for bringing me home last night. You seemed upset, and I just wanted to apologize for getting so carried away. I hadn't meant-" "-It's not you, Mayor. Not at all." He twirls the worms around with his fork. "Something else just came up that night." "Oh! Is it something you'd like to talk about? I knew there was something wrong...you always have this look about you."

He stops chewing and looks up, a little anxious that he let his troubles show on his features. That's the exact opposite of what he wanted. He swallows his portion down a little hard and decides to finish his breakfast there, discarding his plate to the side and trying to piece his words together carefully. "No, I'm fine. Really. Let's...let's just focus on getting everything done." He avoids his gaze and reaches for his cup. "Is there anything I should be aware of for today?" His face switches, but he answers anyway. "Well, Dr. Finklestein keeps calling the Town Hall asking for his marriage certificate. His calls to our department have gotten more aggressive lately. But the problem is, I can't remember what happened to the darned thing!" "I haven't the faintest idea, either." He lies. "Tell them to ignore Fink. Say he's getting senile or...something." His forehead begins to sweat, and he wipes it with the end of his sleeve. "I stopped by his place awhile ago and things seemed really hostile there. I just wanted to talk about his project this year, but instead I got swept into the middle of an argument. It was so stressful!"   "Oh?" "Yes! Sally asked me about pumpkins and I was more than happy to answer her, but the two of them got into quite the fight. She must have been feeling awful after that, and I sent her my condolences. She seemed very upset." He fails to gather his thoughts. "Yes, I don't believe they're on good terms right now..." "Well, that's a relief." His face switches and he finishes the rest of his breakfast. "For a moment, I thought they weren't doing so well." He slaps his bony hand on his skull, realizing his mistake. "No, Mayor, I - never mind." Their conversation ends there, Jack cleaning up their mess from the their meal and offering his friend to stay for the afternoon. He doesn't think it's a good idea for him to try the stairs again - he looked exhausted just from the first time. And he wouldn't want him to trip or hurt himself on the way down. The Mayor accepts and decides to get some rest in one of his guest bedrooms, thanking him once more for taking over. But when the skeleton leaves his house and has to bring the abundance of paperwork over to the Town Hall, he can already feel the pressure squeezing against his bones. ------------ "Sally, please, just listen to me. This is very important." In the sitting room of Finklestein's tower, the ragdoll huffs and looks away from her creator. She is sitting on the edge of the couch, as far away from him as possible. She stubbornly crosses her arms and shuts her eyes. She can understand why the Doctor insists on interrogating her, but she isn't entitled to answer his questions. She has the right to refuse - that itself was made very obvious just last night. And the first thing he wanted in the morning was to ask her to come down so they could "talk". But in his mind, "talking" meant getting answers as to what happened last night with her and Jack. Which she is refusing to give him. She isn't scared of him anymore. After she saw him tremble beneath Jack, she couldn't find a reason to be. She loved him more than she did the Doctor, and he outranked him in a number of ways. If he did something out of line, then she would just tell Jack, and that was what the he did not want. She feels more "free", in a way. Now that she has a reason not to listen to his every command and be the overworked housewife he wants. Finklestein emits a growl but holds it back. "I just want to know what you said to him," He says calmly.   "I don't have to tell you." He rubs his temples in annoyance. "I swear, it's as if someone has brainwashed you. You've never acted like this before." She remains silent, only glancing back at him once. He taps his gloved finger on the table with impatience. He isn't sure how long he can stay collected like this. He's on a thin barrier of just snapping and locking her up again, but that would be very unscrupulous after the promise he made to the King just last night... "You and I both know what Jack said. But that does NOT excuse you from answering me when I ask you something. You are still under my possession." Seeing her lack of reaction, he adds, "-We both know how often Skellington visits here, do we not?" Her posture loosens. He may not come here often, but what did that matter? She can just...visit his house! Or find him at the graveyard! She turns to give him a sour look and finds the Doctor wearing a smile. It unsettles her seeing him so confident. As if she no longer has the upper hand. Her arms begin to tremble. "I can get to you faster than you can get to him. Do you realize that now?" Her eyes widen. "Now, I am going to ask you again. What did you say to him last night?" Finklestein's smile grows as he notices she's beginning to break. He had to show he was in charge again. He isn't going to have any of her attitude anymore. He doesn't favor "talks" and refuses to sit here like a doll and play house with her. He needs to be in absolute control at all times - so she can no longer get these rebellious ideas... "I just showed him my dress." This response isn't enough. "Don't play dumb with me, girl! I know you told him more than that! If you tell me now, your punishment will be lifted." She shuts her mouth and turns away. He's decided he's had enough and snaps his fingers, summoning Igor from the laboratory. Sally looks over but doesn't have the chance to react, because as soon as he's in the room, the hunchbacked assistant rushes toward her and grabs her wrist. She falls out of the seat as he begins to drag her on the ground. She squeaks in pain. Now she really is being treated like a ragdoll! When she sees his Laboratory coming into view, fear swells in her fingertips. A cold sensation runs through her body as they get closer. She looks at Finklestein with true fear in her eyes this time. It never meant anything good when she was brought to the lab. She intends for her voice to sound threatening, but it comes out in small squeaks instead. "What are you going to do to me!?" He clacks his tongue. "It's simple, my dear. I'm going to fix your brain." "You-You wouldn't!" "Clearly there is something wrong with it. You are not fulfilling what I have created you for. Therefore, I will fix it so you will show no disobedience." If he 'fixes' her brain now...she can forget all about Jack! He would turn her into the slave he really wants. She doesn't care how horrible her life is now - she doesn't want to be in a world where she and Jack are no longer friends. A reality where she can no longer remember him is the worst thing she can ever imagine. She wants to keep their memories fondly and continue loving him because it's the only thing that makes her happy. If the Doctor takes that away now, she'll be kissing her freedom goodbye once and for all... She gives out the last of her dignity and desperately calls out to him. "Wait, wait! Stop! I'll do everything you want! I promise!" "Are you sure?" He pushes. "Because if you make that promise to me, Sally, then I have every right to punish you if you break it." "Yes, yes, of course, Doctor...just, please...let me go..." He studies her for a moment or two. She attempts to hide the fear in her eyes. She's been trying so hard to be strong and finally stand up to him...only to succumb to his power again. She has never felt so pathetic in all her life. He finally flicks his wrist in her direction. "Igor, let go of her." The assistant lets go of her dress and stands back. She rubs the side of her thigh and slowly stands. Her legs wobble and she holds onto the nearest wall for support. Just from her posture can Finklestein notice how pathetic she must be feeling. It doesn't make him feel pleasant, but he's at least satisfied that things turned out in his favor once more. He wheels over until he's only an inch away from her. "The first thing I want you to do is to stop sneaking out," He says. "And especially not to see that Skellington anymore. You hear me?" She knows that's impossible, but nods anyway. "-I'll be in the Laboratory today. I expect my lunch to be ready at its usual time." She watches as his figure disappears into the lab. When she's alone, she looks at the ground sadly. She can still feel the tight grip of Igor's small hands on her, and the image of the Laboratory getting closer second by second refuses to leave her mind. Neither can the cold feeling enveloping in her stomach, and the fear still settling on her spine. She feels herself weaken and sits down on the couch again as to not lose her strength and fall to the floor. The world around her starts to spin, and she rests her head on the armrest as to steady her vision. When she raises her head, her gaze rests outside the nearest window. She finds Halloween Town in all its glory, as well as the Manor that overshadows it. The longer she stares, the more she can feel her skin starting to warm. She takes a few steady breaths, thinking of the tall man beyond those windows, and feels strangely calmer. She knows then that this promise she made was superficial - she needs to be outside, to be with Jack....to be happy and free. And if she gets in trouble with the Doctor, then that's a punishment worth facing so long as she can be with the man she loves. She's going to have to wait until his guard is down, and then she can make her move. ------------------- The fifth day of October is much less stressful. Tedious, yes, but at this point the planning is going at a regular, much slower rate. The first few days are especially rigorous considering everything requires Jack's full attention. The first day was overwhelming in every aspect, having to take charge of every little detail, but the fifth day, however....that is his relief point. He always has to be meticulous with the Halloween planning. The biggest thing that always needs his attention is the positioning for their annual song. Say, if one monster was unhappy with how something went, then a whole process of changing their lines and configuring their timing was necessary. The person going through and finding these compromises to fit their preferences was him, of course. Then Jack would later have to approve the changes so they can accommodate his citizens, and then he'd have to restart the whole process again if anyone else requests a change as well. And then there is Halloween entirely! The Pumpkin King is the only one who has authority to change the holiday every year. What they chose for the holiday previously is used again, and he has to go and approve all the ideas, decorations, costumes, and practically everything else once more every year. While that was being done, he also has to take a look at the hundreds of suggestions for Halloween that year and fit the ideas he approves into the holiday properly. Then there comes the matter of finding how to fit those in, what needed to be changed, and if it was good enough to be reused again for the next Halloween. Needless to say, the skeleton has a lot on his mind. He checks off the last thing on the list before sitting back in his chair with a long sigh. The sound of his pencil falling startles the Mayor, who had been sitting elsewhere this whole time. He feels much better compared to his hangover the first day, and has been particularly optimistic with the process. He's always excited to plan for Halloween, and sometimes Jack feels like he can't quite match the enthusiasm as he once did... His voice, very quietly, rings from the room. "Jack?" He opens an eye socket, finding the shorter man approaching his desk. "-Yes?" "I just wanted to thank you. For taking over for me that day and, well, helping me with the Corpse Family earlier today. I'm relieved to say that we are done with everything for today!" Relief washes over him, finally calming his nerves and relaxing his bones. He rubs the side of his skull and looks around the room, realizing he hasn't looked up from his desk until now. "What time is it? 8? 9?" "2 P.M." "You're kidding?" "We got done early!" He rounds his table to pat him on the back cheerfully. "I suppose this means we'll have time off tomorrow!" He smiles very softly, his mind filled with ideas with what he can do with this extra time. "Thank you, Mayor. I should start heading home before it gets too late." He bids his shorter coworker goodbye and waves to the other folk sitting in the rooms he passes. It relieves him to know these people are getting less work than he is. That is why the Pumpkin King does so much, after all. So only the citizens will worry more about the scaring than the working... He slips through the front doors easily and finds the town populated as it usually is. He boldly decides to head straight through, mentally praying no one will stop him. He successfully gets to the side before he notices he bumped into someone. He turns around to blurt out an apology before recognizing the very familiar red hair atop their head. Sally.

#long post #the nightmare before christmas #two dearest friends #fanfiction #jack skellington #jack and sally #disney #tnbc #jack x sally #the mayor of halloween town

[atargetedindividual101]

My True Story of Being Targeted

Some people won’t be happy until they’ve pushed you to the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away.” ― Donna Schoenrock

As an adult I became a victim of an Organize Stalking Campaign. Organize Stalking also called group stalking, community mobbing, gang stalking, Multi stalking, mobbing, is when a group of people bann together to destroy their targets life & they conn others into believing lies about you.

I started to become aware that there was a huge problem in 2014, when odd comments started popping up about me online. Before I became aware that I was being I started being gang stalked, I was well liked & very successful. I served on a Speakers Bureau, advocating for those with Mental Health disabilities. I was a professional Jewelry maker. I helped out at many Mental Health events and was very happy to do so. 

Then came the storm, a small yet powerful emotional Hurricane,

That struck like a mass of confusion.

Leaving a path of.devastation in my life & pain was all I had left.

Little did I know that there was a enemy trying to take over my life. .One of the first things I became aware of was that they showed up on several forums & an anonymous message board with false information and lies about me. Then she started a mobbing campaign against me unlike any other to destroy me and everything that I had worked so hard for, . In the same way that hurricanes and tornadoes ruin lives. Little by little, Lies & slander shattered my life, so I started feeling nothing but Anger &Pain…at the world that was acting as if I am the cause of their misery. The mobbers tried to ruin my life-not once, but many times as they made accusations that didn’t even exist.

I could not believe it as I read their lies and slander about me all over anonymous websites and forums “She’s a Scammer, a hacker, a troll, a stalker, crazy, fat, ugly, a faker, and other labels that didn’t even exist.

I tried so desperately to hide my true feelings, as they had my online shops closed down for no reason. .As they tried to stop me from going to a church summer camp.. As they contacted all my supports and; brought them into the mobbing. As my accounts were hacked over and over again. As they tried to get me evicted many times. As they filed false complaints about me, everywhere. As they got fake victims. As they fabricated evidence against me. As people’s treatment changed towards me. I couldn’t understand what I did to make people hate me so much. they encouraged everyone I came in contact with to destroy me, and spread lies about me. A smear campaign was started against me. It almost seemed as if there was one person doing it behind the scenes. They were like the wicked witch from the wizard of oz, sitting in their castle, ordering their flying monkeys to do their dirty work,

At first everyone did not believe tbe lies of the stalkers.

Then everything changed. They blamed me for it all, even though it’s not me. If only they saw what this person does behind the scenes, behind closed doors, how she minipulates other people, how she’s like a professional victim, how she professionally lies about me, trying to “link” me to all sorts of stuff that I had nothing to do with, stuff that I didn’t even know about, how she is very obsessed about me, how they gets fake witnesses or “witnesses” how they play victim how they try &; “link”; me to stuff, How they gas lights others about me & how naive “flying monkeys” believe their lies. She they keeps trying to “prove my guilt”, of stuff I would never do. And no one looks out for me anymore & it’s all because of that person. She made me think that the world was a dark and dismal place filled with bad people, who did not have my best interest at heart, and so I trusted no one as she kept finding very sneaky ways to try & falsely “connect” me to her crimes. Using my likes, dislikes, disabilities, fears & what makes me human against me. I grew more paronoid everyday as she literally had a whole community of people stalking me,

Because they have been conned into believing her lies.

People expressed their opinion of me by baiting me in whatever way they can way-by intentionally creating noise, digging up dirt on me, letting me know that I am being watched, following me, trying to isolate me, singling me out, slandering me, discrediting me, & trying to control me in many other ways too. And then when I try & voice what is happening, I get accused of being crazy. I lost my voice because of this. It saddens me that people think I am the enemy cause I am not. My life had never been easy.I had dealt with being bullied my whole life, But nothing could have ever prepared me for this. .

Yes I do have a Mental illness but there was a healthy & well side to me & someone took that side of me & filled it with abnormal experiences, altering my reality. At times it seems as if I am not in reality but what is really happening is this person is stalking me in very strange ways & I’m not even sure what all she is doing 

& it is so frightening that it impairs my perception of the world around me.

If only people saw what really went on if only….. If only they could see the constant harassment that I face by passive Agressive people. .People are so busy living out their lives that they are not seeing my side of the story.

If only people saw all the anxiety I saw because of this. Because of what has happened, I felt alone, anxious, ashamed, guilty, hopeless, overwhelmed, ugly, and unworthy.Almost every night I had dreams of being chased and or losing everything. I had panic & anxiety attacks. I had strange happenings That I can’t even explain. I lost interest in things that I love…

I stopped smiling as much. I second guessed everything in my life. I felt isolated and alone.

I am very determined to get my life back and to make this all go away so I can have days that are filled with more joy and less anxiety.

What will help me are:

People stopping this campaign against me, people giving me my voice back, & people having faith in me& them disbelieving their lies,

People can change and grow,

I don’t need to be brought down by a person who wants to ruin me,

Why let her win! I am not connected to anything she has said I did! I am a law abiding citizen! I will say that Loud & clear.

Hi, my name is Andrea and I am an advocate for people with disabilities. I started doing research on Organize Stalking and I am writing about my experience.

What I see happening is this:

Victims of mobbing & Organize Stalking being driven crazy.

people are zeroing in and making false accusations on one individual Soon lots of people start being dragged in and soon lots of people are stalking them. After I started being mobbed, I simply researched everything that was happening, and was totally misjudged because of that too.

As Dr Janice Harper says, Humans are reasonable people, but when acting collectively, they don’t always think about what’s right or wrong. All they can think about is how “angry” they are at the target, that it never occurs to them that they are going after an innocent person, and their emotions replaces reasoning and any logical thinking they may have and they follow a path that enables them to act on their emotions out of fear and anxiety and even peer pressure.

and we justify our actions as being OK, And we tell ourselves whatever lies we have to about the target that we once loved and respected, even though we may know deep inside ourselves that the rumors may be false.

Anne Frank once said that she believes that all people are good at heart, but even good people do bad things. Its important to remember that MOST mobbers‬ are not evil people. They’re just normal people that do inhumane things to others. .But what you can do is say no when others want you to join in and help educate others. Mobbing someone & gang stalking & digging up dirt on a person is never OK. You can make the choice not to join in. We all have our own skeletons somewhere in our past. We all have made mistakes and have done wrong. We all have dirt. putting someone else’s “dirt” up on thedirty .com or pastebin or any other website is never ok, when everyone has our own dirt. And when we do wrong, we suffer the consequences of our actions. We shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences twice.

It’s so wrong to put a Mentally ill person through this or anyone at all.

My message is to be kind and when you see someone being mobbed do not JOIN IN. In fact, if you know those accusations aren’t true, you can even advocate for them and help them prove their innocence. We need to look out for each other more. We need to teach everyone to speak up when we see that others are being hurt and that silence is not acceptable. If we don’t allow Mobbers & organize stalkers

to destroy others, it’ll quickly stop.

.

#mobbing #mobbed #organize stalking #gang stalking #targeted individuals #tumblr blog

[kittyxuchiha11]

Like a hurricane -Burtonfield-

Summary: Skeletons and ghosts are better left in the closet where they belong. Shut away forever so maybe Claire can actually move on with her life, and not be terrified of any person getting close to her because of what happens when they do.

Read on AO3

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Her mind is going into overdrive trying to think of a reasonable explanation to why she’s feeling the way she is. She knows it’s wrong, oh so wrong, and that’s why she needs to rule out the one thing her mind is automatically telling her it is.

 She’s in love. But the thing is, she isn’t.

 She simply can’t be, won’t allow herself to be if she really is. She’s had her fair share of heartbreak throughout her life, and knows by now to cut off all sorts of feelings before she gets hurt. But it seems her heart has missed the memo this time to do just that. If it had, then she wouldn’t be lying awake at 3am staring at the ceiling realising that just maybe what she feels for her friend is a little more than friendly.

 A deep sigh escapes Claire’s lips as she rolls onto her side, using her left arm as a make shift pillow and reaching for her phone with her right. She reaches blindly to the bedside table, knocking several things over and cringing slightly as they fall to the floor with a soft thud. Claire eventually grasps an object that feels like her phone, and with one press to the side the room is illuminated by the bright screen. She scrunches up her eyes, trying desperately to dim the screen before she actually blinds herself, then brings the device closer to her face in an attempt to focus on the screen.

 Amazingly, she actually does have a message waiting for her. She wonders for a moment how she didn’t hear it, then remembers her phone has been on silent since she was in that meeting today. It was a meeting with the big shots behind the whole organization who were finally going over the threat of the virus Claire had encountered on that island. How it’s taken so long for them to inquire and start asking questions exactly why Terrasave and its operatives were targeted, she doesn’t really know or understand. She makes a face before pushing the volume button and un-muting the device so she’ll actually know if anyone wants to talk to her.

 It’s then that she remembers about the message, the little (1) next to the envelope on her task bar does a subtle enough job of reminding her. She’s been a little spaced out recently, absent minded if you would. But then who wouldn’t be considering everything she’d been through. Apparently thinking your friend is dead for six months while doctors are prodding you with needles every day isn’t the best for your mental health. And sure, Moira is indeed alive and knowing that both her and Natalia are safe is a huge relief, yet something still bugged her. It was like that tiny voice at the back of her mind would not shut up about how she should still feel bad for what she had done. But what could she have done really? Moira was as good as dead when she left her. And after all, the younger girl had wanted Claire to get out alive. Even though she knew all of this, it didn’t stop her feeling bad about everything that had happened.

 She snaps out of her daydream, focusing once again on the screen in front of her and realising the message is in fact from Moira. She checks the time stamp, noticing the message had only arrived about 10 minutes ago. At least she wouldn’t be replying several hours later like she has a nasty habit of doing.

 ‘Don’t suppose you’re awake at this hour?’

 Claire reads the text a few more times just checking she’d read it correctly before hitting the reply button and writing a simple message back.

 ‘Only us insomniacs are up at this time; I guess you’re in that club now too?’

 She closes her eyes after pressing the send button, then holds the phone to her chest as she lets out a deep breath of irritation. Indeed, she should be sleeping, and although recently her and Moira have joked about being in the ‘insomnia club’ together, she knows it isn’t healthy that either of them aren’t sleeping as much as they should be. Claire herself has learned how to cope with all the emotions you go through after biohazard outbreaks, but of course Moira is new to this. and Claire is honestly worried sick about the girl. Moira is young and should be been out with her friends, not awake all night because the nightmares are too real that she’s scared of going to sleep. Sure, Moira has told everyone she’s fine, but Claire can see she definitely is not fine. After all, Claire had been a similar age when she’d experienced the horrors of Racoon City, and although she’d appeared strong, she remembers all the nightmares and terrifying thoughts she just couldn’t shake for months.

 A soft noise brings her attention back to the object in her hand. Unlocking the screen, she notices Moira has messaged her back. As her eyes read over the text she feels a little uneasy. If that’s because of its content, or because this is just Moira, she doesn’t know.

 ‘Yeah, the insomnia club is the coolest club to be in. I was asleep, stupid nightmares woke me up again…’

 ‘Want to talk about it? I could call you’

 Claire answers, typing as fast as she can so she can’t change her mind. It’s not that Claire doesn’t like Moira, far from it actually. Moira has always been a good friend, Claire’s best friend now she really thinks about it. That’s quite sad for a woman of her age to have a best friend who is twelve years younger than her, but honestly, she doesn’t really mind. People can be as judgmental as they want, but the way she sees it is: you pick your friends, and if people don’t like it, they don’t have to care.

 No, the problem is that although Moira is her friend, she means a hell of a lot more than any friend Claire has ever had. Even Leon or Sherry, who are supposedly her best friends due to everything they went through together, she doesn’t even feel half as much for them as she does for Moira. Of course, this is concerning to Claire. Okay, it’s way more than concerning, it’s damn terrifying. This is a good friend’s daughter she’s thinking about here, how can she even begin to suspect her feelings are anything more than friendly. Along with the fact she’s never liked girls, Claire’s always been straight as far as she’s concerned.

 ‘No you don’t have to do that I’m fine, honestly 😊’

 Moira replies in record time, which of course makes Claire think the girl is in fact not okay. That as well as the smiley face. Sure Moira is really into her emojis or whatever they’re called when she’s posting on social media, but she never uses smiley faces when texting Claire, that’s of course until now.

 ‘I know when you’re lying Moira, always have and always will’ Claire types out, stopping for a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing ‘I’ll call if you want me to, I’m not going to get any sleep any time soon’

 She presses send yet again, reading her message over hoping it doesn’t sound as desperate as she thinks it does. God, she feels like a love-sick teenager when she talks to Moira. It’s stupid, and of course incredibly weird for someone her age, but she can’t help it. There’s no denying she has a real fondness for the younger girl, and she almost want to beg that that’s what all these feelings mean, but she knows deep down she’s wrong about that.

 Of course having experienced what they did on that island together brought them closer. They were close before and Claire all but wants to admit she cares greatly for Moira, but going through what they did made them develop a sort of bond she can’t describe as mere friendship anymore. And in the whole six months they were separated, with Claire under the impression Moira was dead, the pain she felt was unreal. She had felt that same uselessness long ago after she couldn’t save Steve. Like she’d failed and all she could do was cry for someone that had died for her sake. Except unlike Steve, Moira is alive and not just a distant memory.

 She supposes that’s why she feels like this. Moira and Steve have a lot in common, their childishness and the need to rebel being the main points. As Claire watched Moira grow up she was reminded of Steve constantly, and it scared her. At one point, she wondered if maybe she was unconsciously using the younger girl as a substitute for the boy who loved her so long ago. But that was just a silly thought, Steve was a ghost of the past who had haunted her for a long time. Skeletons and ghosts are better left in the closet where they belong. Shut away forever so maybe Claire can actually move on with her life, and not be terrified of any person getting close to her because of what happens when they do.

 She was mainly over feeling like this until her and Moira were kidnapped. Then it all came back, all these old feelings of guilt and regret because yet again, she had let someone get too close and they were put in danger and nearly killed because of her. It was the life she lived, she knew that but yet the information never became easier to digest. She had chosen the easier path according to Leon, she wasn’t a fighter and he was right. But that didn’t mean her involvement in trying to stop bioterrorism didn’t come with consequences. She knew that now.

 She jumps a little as her phone vibrates in her hand, her ringtone humming softly as it usually does. She’s confused for a moment, wondering why on earth someone would be calling her at 3am. That is until she sees who is in fact calling her. She immediately accepts the call, placing the phone to her ear.

 “Hey” she attempts to say, having to clear her throat as her voice comes out in a raspy whisper from not being used in a good few hours. “You okay?”

 She hears a shuffling sound on the other end of the line, as if someone is nodding, before just the person she was thinking of speaks up. “Yeah…” Moira answers softly, sounding distracted. Claire knows that feeling all too well.

 “I thought I was supposed to be calling you?” Claire replies, trying to sound a little smug and teasing, knowing that Moira likes it when Claire isn’t so proper and formal with her.

 “I just…fuck, okay. I’m gonna sound totally shit and like I’m some stupid kid, but I just wanted to hear your voice”

 Claire is speechless for a moment, wondering just how long Moira has been awake since she’s very clearly been thinking about Claire just as much as Claire has been thinking about her.

 “That’s okay” Claire replies back smoothly, deciding now is not the best time to try think of a smart come back. “Are you okay?”

 “Yeah…yeah I’m fine. I just-” Moira makes an irritated noise “I’m so fucking sick of this shit. Like how the hell do you put up with all these stupid nightmares and the stupid anxiety shit?”

 Yet again, Claire doesn’t know what to say. Is she supposed to tell the younger girl that you just get used to it? or the truth that no matter how long it’s been, the nightmares always come back to haunt you. Of course Claire’s most recent nightmares have been about Moira and when she’d left her to die, but she doesn’t really want to share that information with Moira. Not because she thinks it would upset the girl, she knows Moira is perfectly fine with what happened back there. But because she doesn’t want to make herself sound like the victim here. She’s older, and someone Moira looks up too, and as cliché as it sounds she doesn’t want to display that sort of weakness in front of her.

 “Hey, Claire?”

 Claire’s brought back to reality by Moira’s voice once again. She makes a small noise of agreement as if to tell Moira she’s still there. She would try to say something, but her mind is completely blank on how to approach this situation. Which was incredibly stupid she knows because Moira needs her right now.

 “Y’know, I didn’t think you’d be up at this time” Moira says, obviously sensing how awkward Claire’s feeling about this by the fact she hasn’t said anything. That’s one of the things Claire loves about Moira, the fact that she can just talk her way out of any situation.

 “I’d rather be sleeping” Claire replies, sighing softly as she turns back onto her back.

 “So would I, but that breaks the rules of the insomnia club” Moira says, the grin evident in her voice. Claire snorts, a smile spreading across her face to match Moira’s. It isn’t even particularly funny or that much of a reason to smile, but these days Claire takes the bursts of happiness whenever they appear.

 “So um, metaphorically speaking…what would you do if I was outside your house right now?” Moira suddenly says, sounding nervous.

 It’s then that Claire finally places that background noise that she keeps hearing when there’s a silence between the two. It’s the wind, of course it is.

 “Please tell me you’re just standing by an open window or something”

 “Uh, well…”

 Claire groans slightly, kicking the covers away and swinging her legs over the side of her bed as she sits up.

 “I knew showing you where I was staying was a mistake”

 Moira just laughs, making Claire crack a small smile once again. She probably should be annoyed, especially since Barry will probably want to murder his daughter for walking all the way across town at 3am, especially since it’s to see Claire. The two may seem to be on okay terms, but Claire can tell Barry still holds something against her for even encouraging Moira to just join Terrasave in the first place.

 “Hold on, I’ll let you in”

 Claire says into the phone as she places her feet on the ground, stretching briefly before she gets up and begins to make her way towards the front door. She isn’t staying in her apartment at the moment, and she’s honestly she’s glad of that, or Moira would have had a much longer walk. She’s staying in an old friend’s house who told her she could stay there if she ever needed to hide out. Her having to actually hide out anywhere doesn’t happen very often because honestly, in her line of work most of their enemies were grumpy old politicians that were all bark and no bite. But since she and her co-workers were actually kidnapped, and the fact everyone knows who she is, she decided it was better to hide out here. Not because she’s worried the hired suits will come looking for her, more just because she’s tired of action and just wants to be able to at least try to relax a little.

 This is both a good and bad thing for Claire. Good because she’s away from the busy city she’s used to living in, and that definitely helps her stress levels. Bad because in the six months it took to track down where her and Moira had been, Barry was right across town from her. She avoided the man as well as she could, being in quarantine for the first few of those six months helped that. But obviously when he turned up at the house and asked her all sorts of questions about what had happened, she couldn’t simply ignore him and go back to living her life. She helped him out as much as she could, but she could see just from looking at the older man that he wasn’t thrilled to be talking to her. She understood perfectly why as well, imagine one of your closest friends had been the reason your daughter had been kidnapped and probably killed.

 Claire shakes the thoughts from her head, coming back to reality to realise she’d been standing in the hallway facing the front door with her phone still pressed to her ear.

 “…Claire?” She hears Moira say, Claire hearing the girl’s muffled voice through the door as well as through the speaker on her phone.

 “Uh, yeah. I’m here, sorry” she mumbles, quickly walking the distance to the front door.

 “Could you hurry up? I’m freezing my fucking ass off out here”

 Claire undoes the two locks on the upper door before she turns the keys, successfully unlocking the door with a quick tug down on the door handle. Maybe she is a little paranoid after everything she’s been through, but at least the many locks on the door make her feel a little safer.

 The door opens to reveal a rather cold looking Moira, actually shivering from her typical lack of sensible clothing. She flashes Claire a smile, which instantly falls when she notices the tight frown on the older woman’s face.

 “What’s wrong?”

 “Did you really have to pick the shortest pair of shorts you owned in the middle of winter?”

 Moira rolls her eyes, stepping forward and making sure to elbow Claire on her way past her into the house. Claire smiles, closing the door after her visitor and of course fastening all the locks once again.

 Claire wanders into the living room to find Moira with the thin woollen blanket that’s always draped over the back of the sofa around her shoulders. She hasn’t bothered to turn on the main light to the room as the light streaming in from the hall is enough to see around her. Claire just stands there for a moment, almost as if in a trance as she looks at the younger girl. The light just seems to frame Moira’s features perfectly, and honestly Claire can’t make herself look away even if she wants to.

 Moira sighs, closing her eyes as she leans back against the sofa, looking a lot happier now she isn’t standing outside Claire’s window. She probably was literally ‘freezing her ass off’ out there dressed in what she’s wearing. Now, Claire does have to admit Moira does have a very nice body. so of course she wants to wear clothes that show it off. She just wishes she wouldn’t do it in the middle of winter. There have been many times when they’ve been out together, and she’s seen guys ogling at her friend. She always put it down to the fact that Moira is younger, and she wants to protect her that the guy’s stares always bother her so much. But with everything in her head just now, she’s starting to realise maybe it isn’t just because of that.

 “Claire”

 “Uh huh?”

 “You’re staring at me again”

 Claire flinches as she realises she’s been so deep in thought she’s managed to not only miss Moira opening her eyes and looking at her, but also the younger girl actually talking to her. She quickly looks away, moving a few stray strands of hair out of her face as a sort of distraction to herself as she mentally kicks herself. Moira is going to think she’s losing it just staring at her like that. Not that the staring is a particularly new thing to them both, Claire is pretty sure Moira has caught her staring openly at her a few times now.

 “So, how long have you been awake?” Claire asks, desperately trying to make conversation to resolve the awkward silence that’s fallen upon them.

 “Don’t know” Moira answers with a shrug “Since about one, I think”

 “I had a late night at the office so I didn’t get in until 11” Claire replies, her eyes wandering over the shadows in the room scanning for any sort of danger, just out of habit more than anything.

 “You’re gonna to work yourself to death one day” Moira says with a smile, obviously trying to make a joke and brighten up the conversation. It doesn’t work though, they both look away as another silence overtakes them.

 “Wait” Claire says, suddenly realising something “How long were you waiting outside for?”

 Moira bows her head and mumbles her reply “Since about two maybe…”

 Claire groans, leaning back against the door frame and closing her eyes for a moment “Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

 “I didn’t know if you were asleep. I was just gonna go for a walk if you didn’t reply. You know, clear my head and shit, needed the fresh air anyway”

 Claire stands up straight once again, and turns to face Moira properly as she tries to look at her through the darkness. “You’re okay though, right?”

 “Yeah. Yeah, of course. I went to bed at 12, thinking if I went to bed early-ish I might actually sleep but then-”

 Claire waits for Moira to finish her sentence, but she doesn’t. She’s looking at her hands, fidgeting nervously. It’s become a habit of hers lately Claire has noticed. It’s a bit weird since she’s used to seeing Moira as such an outgoing loud person. There’s always a slight nervousness about her now. Although Claire doesn’t really expect any less than that.

 Moira had been on that island for six long months fighting for her life. It was no wonder she was showing some signs of anxiety, and probably various other disorders that a psychologist would diagnose, that was if she ever went to one of course. Moira has always been stubborn, and when she had her mind set on something it is not easy to try make her change it. She claims she’s fine, Claire of course knows she isn’t, but feels it isn’t exactly her place to say.

 “Moira?” Claire asks softly, slowly making her way over to the sofa and sitting down next to the girl carefully. Moira jumps when she hears Claire’s voice, her head snapping towards the noise. Their eyes meet then, and Claire almost feels her heart shatter as she sees the haunted look in her friend’s eyes. Her eyes are glassed over, tears threatening to spill as the fear shines brightly in the little light the room has to offer.

 “They’re really bad sometimes” Moira eventually says, her eyes not leaving Claire’s. “I remember every little fucking detail and I hate it”

 “Moira…”

 “It’s so fucking stupid. I want to be able to do normal shit like go out without having a fucking panic attack every time”

 Claire bites her lip, not knowing what to say to even try to calm Moira down. Although Claire definitely wouldn’t describe herself as someone who likes physical contact, she knows sometimes a simple touch is the best thing for someone who’s hurting. She likes to think she just isn’t a touchy type of person by nature, but she knows that she’s this way because of the fact she’s spent so long trying to avoid getting close to people. It’s what you do when everyone who’s ever gotten close to you ends up dead.

 Claire slowly reaches out and covers Moira’s slightly shaking hands with her own. She flashes her friend a small smile of reassurance, hoping even a small gesture like this will give some sort of comfort.

 “Thanks for this, by the way” Moira suddenly says, sounding a little nervous as her eyes meet Claire’s.

 “For what?”

 “This” She says softly, her eyes flickering from Claire’s to where their hands are connected. “being here for me and shit”

 “Moira.” Claire says with a soft frown, giving Moira’s hands a quick squeeze before withdrawing her own. “You know everyone is there to talk if you need to”

 “You’re the only one I want to talk to though. You actually understand everything”

 Claire just looks at Moira, not entirely sure what to say, especially since the first response that comes into her head is one Moira definitely doesn’t want to hear. “…Barry understands, and he is your dad, Moira”

 “I…” Her head snaps up and her eyes are on Claire’s with a strange look in them, something Claire can’t read at all. “I don’t wanna worry him anymore…life at home is really weird just now”

 “How?”

 “It just- it just fucking is, alright? Mom keeps looking at me like she’s scared I’ll disappear again if she looks away, and Polly is being super weird, like really fucking weird, hugging me all the time and shit. And Barry- fucking Barry won’t leave me alone! I get it, he’s my dad, but he needs to chill the fuck out and let me lead my own damn life again”

 “Moira…” Is all Claire can think to say. A silence stretches out between them, and Claire can’t bear to see that broken look on Moira’s face. “They’re all just worried about you, they want to protect you”

 “And what if I don’t want them to protect me, huh? What if I just want to lead my own fucking life without any of this shit” She sighs deeply, her shoulders slumping before she looks up at Claire with this incredibly vulnerable look that Claire has never seen before. “You get me Claire, they don’t. They’re tip toeing around me, scared I’ll shatter like some shitty glass ornament if they get too close. But you Claire.” She reaches out and touches Claire’s arm gently. “you’re not like that, never have been”

 Claire doesn’t know what to do. Her mind is reeling with what to do, what to say, how much she wants to kiss Moira and tell her it will be okay. She’s trapped in her own perpetual spiralling thoughts, so much so that she doesn’t notice Moira slowly edging closer to her. In fact, she only notices Moira has moved at all when she feels the younger girls hand slowly trailing up her arm. Their eyes meet, and Claire’s stomach has never flipped so hard in her entire life.

 “Moira…”

 Moira just tilts her head slightly, and searches Claire’s face for something. Claire feels like a deer in headlights, her eyes feeling almost comically wide as she stands there with her heart in her throat. Moira blinks once, twice, then finally looks away, not moving away but still making Claire feel slightly more at ease.

 “Claire? Can I…can I stay here tonight? Barry will flip if he catches me sneaking back in”

 It takes a moment for the words to actually make sense in Claire’s sleep deprived brain, but when they do, she rushes into action, trying incredibly hard to push back any thoughts about having Moira in her bed. “Uh, yeah, sure. Bedrooms upstairs” she says dumbly, pointing to the stairs like a child.

 Moira flashes her an amused smile, going to move past Claire, but then she stops. She looks back at her, and it’s only then that Claire realises she’s holding her arm.

 “…Claire?” Moira asks softly, her eyes now full of curiosity and confusion as they meet Claire’s. Claire has no idea what she’s doing, why she’s doing it. She should just let Moira go upstairs to bed and sleep on the sofa, it’s what she planned to do. So why is she doing this?

 Moira’s eyes soften as she seems to suddenly understand why Claire is holding her arm like this. She moves her arm slightly which manages to snap Claire out of her thoughts and make her let go. She’s expecting Moira to just say something like that she shouldn’t worry about her, or maybe that she isn’t a kid and doesn’t need Claire worrying about her too. What Claire isn’t expecting is for Moira to wrap her arms around her and bury her face in Claire’s neck. She freezes, staying completely still and just listening to Moira’s breathing, her mind desperately racing to why Moira would suddenly hug her. She doesn’t seem to be upset, she seems really calm from her breathing…so why?

 “Moira?” Claire asks, her voice low and quiet, her fingers twitching as the urge to hug the younger girl back is growing stronger by the second. Moira leans back slightly, just enough so that their eyes meet, and Claire has to use all her power not to look at Moira’s lips. They both just watch each other for a moment, neither wanting to break the silence. Eventually Moira does.

 “This is nice, y’know?”

 “…What?” Claire asks, confused not only by Moira’s tone, but by the strange look in her eyes.

 “This, the hugging and shit…do you remember when you met me outside of quarantine when I was cleared? You looked, like so fucking sad, and like the whole world ending. And then you hugged me so tight, like so tight I didn’t think you’d ever let go…I didn’t want you to let go, Claire”

 Claire’s arms unconsciously seem to snake around Moira’s waist as she’s talking, squeezing slightly when Moira’s voice wavers on her name. Claire’s thoughts are still a mess, but she knows she needs to be here for Moira now and hold her. Hold her like she did on that day they were reunited, like the day after quarantine when she held her in her arms for a good few minutes and just told her how sorry she was. Like the first night Moira had stayed over and had a nightmare, and like the time in the mall when Moira was shaking like a leaf from the panic. Claire may not like contact, but for Moira, she feels she can overcome it easily.

 “I won’t” she finds herself whispering, seeming to surprise them both because Moira’s eyes widen slightly when she hears it. She just stares at Claire for a moment before hugging her tighter, tucking her head into Claire’s neck and inhaling her safe, familiar scent. Claire can’t help but smile, actually, properly smile when she feels Moira try move closer to her.

 She still can’t think straight, still has no idea what she’s supposed to do about these feelings. She doesn’t know why she’s even doing this, but deep down she really does. She’s in love, she doesn’t want to be, but she is. Moira Burton came into her life like a hurricane, changed everything that felt once safe, and now won’t leave. Claire is stuck with her, and maybe, just maybe that isn’t an as bad thing as she first thought.

#burtonfield #resident evil #Claire Redfield #moira burton #kittyxuchiha11

[teaandgames]

The Teacup Awards (2017)

So as the wellington boot of inevitability comes crashing down on the innocent snail of time, we must say so long and farewell to 2017. It’s been something a tumultuous year full of disasters and political upheaval but at least we can now boot it out of the door. On the gaming side of things, there have been a fair share of scandals and nuisances but through all of the mess some quite decent games have emerged. So it’s time to do the proper thing and order them into categories before we limp into 2018.

As usual, I’m limiting my awards to games that I’ve either written about or recorded at some point, regardless of release date. Of course ‘written about’ can include the smallest of articles but hey, I make the rules so I can bend them. We’ve got a few new categories emerging this year but let’s start with an old hat, shall we?

The ‘Tea Up My Nose’ Award for Scariest Game

Runner Up - Thumper

I don’t think Thumper has ever been marketed as a horror game. Wikipedia has it as a ‘Rhythm Violence Game’ which sounds silly until you play it. You quickly realise that you’re not so much listening to Thumper’s music as being beaten over the head with it. It’s deep, rumbling and aggressive. Above all, it’s sinister. That’s helped along by the fluid, metallic quality to everything. Clinical yet unsavoury. Things just sort of rise up out of the netherworld, curling and flexing like metal tentacles. If hell doesn’t turn out to be full of fire, then Thumper’s aesthetic would be my second guess.

Winner - Resident Evil 7

There were two big boys of horror this year: Resident Evil 7 and Outlast 2. Both share the same problem, really. They start off very strong but quickly fall apart once you realise they’ve shown you their entire hand. Outlast 2 starts by scaring you with its creepy villagers and making you hide in logs. By the end, you’re still hiding in logs, waiting for the villager of the moment to stop muttering to himself and sod off. That’s when you’re not getting your balls impaled that is. That happens a lot.

Resident Evil 7 stays strong for longer but it keeps chucking its weird goopy enemies at you, as though three of them at once is supposed to make them more interesting. They kill you a lot until you realise you just kind of wave your hands in the air to stop their attacks. The level near the end, set on a ship, just proves how irritating they are. But this award isn’t a measure of how decent a game is, it’s a measure of how scary it is. And the Baker family scared the life out of me. I knew it was going to be that way from the moment Jack Baker punched me in the face and I woke up strapped to a dinner table.

That scene really stuck with me. Just the whole family of nutters, giggling as they force feed you god-knows-what. Then you go through each of the family in turn and have them pop out right when you don’t want them to. The king of it all is Jack Baker. The man who refuses to die. The first quarter or so of the game is spent in his company and he will not leave you alone. When all you’ve got is a pistol and a tiny pocket knife, the knowledge that Jack Baker could be behind any door is terrifying. The best thing a horror game can do is make you scared even when nothing is near and Resident Evil 7 did that. Until Jack turned into a giant slug thing that is but we don’t talk about that.

The ‘Folded Corner’ Award For Best Writing

Runner Up - Night in the Woods

I really like Mae Borowski. She’s a kid that’s had things beyond her control repeatedly dumped on top of her and now she’s kind of drifting. She went to college and it didn't work out. Now she’s returned home and it’s not home anymore. Regardless of the dialogue choices you make for her, she always sounds like a real person. So do her friends. You feel like another member of the gang just hanging out. Dealing with the real world crumbling around them at every turn. It takes a decent storyteller to make characters dealing with personal problems believable. Mae’s just like any of us. Only a cat, I guess.

Winner - Oxenfree

The worst thing about Oxenfree is having to play it. Sounds odd but the best part of Oxenfree is the characters talking to each other. I’d say it would work as a book but that would be an insult to the decent voice actors. Maybe an audiobook? Anyway, the joy of Oxenfree is how you make these characters interact with each other. It’s a branching choice kind of thing, rather like an interactive fiction game. The protagonist, Alex, has her own personality but there’s just enough room to inject some of yourself in there too.

So much so that when I got to the end and found that I hadn’t really made friends with Jonas, I had to stop and think back over everything I’d said to him. Had I been rude to him? Had I ignored him? I told him to calm down once, was that it? Oh God, I’m a monster. In most games of this type, it’s usually obvious what line is going to elicit what response. And that’s why I love Oxenfree because it’s not obvious. It’s natural. Humans generally don’t talk in grand, sweeping words. We hide behind small talk. We talk about the weather, what we did today, what we’re playing. It’s how we say things and how much of ourselves we put into the conversations that matters.

Oxenfree captures that well, putting a group of scared teens together and making them depend on each other. Making them get to know each other. Making them love or hate each other. It’s one part lighthearted drama to two parts B-Movie nightmare. On top of the good chemistry, you’ve got the fact that Edwards Island is slowly breaking down the people on it. Otherwise stable characters begin to shout at each other and you feel drawn into the mess. I haven’t felt so desperate to keep a set of characters alive in a long time. That’s a sign of good writing if anything is.

The ‘Head Nod’ Award For Best Soundtrack

Runner Up - DEADBOLT

You know when a great song comes on the radio and you find yourself mouthing along to the words without even thinking about it? Well by the time I finished DEADBOLT, I was clicking my fingers along to the music. It’s a very smooth soundtrack, which complements the suave feel of the game. The undead are rendered as mobsters, ranging from thuggish zombies to the more stylish vampires and skeletons. So a soundtrack that switches from violent to classy, while keeping the same smooth feel, is undoubtedly a good one.

Winner - Night in the Woods

There weren’t many games this year that had mind blowing soundtracks. There was an odd song here and there that I liked but nothing that really leapt out at me. So I was struggling to find a game to fit into this slot.  But then as I was looking back through the list of games I’ve played this year, I remembered the band practice parts of Night in the Woods. They were fun to play, even though I was terrible at them, but the real joy was in what they represented.

It was the gang back together, united by a burning desire to get out of the deadbeat town they were born in. The first song, Die Anywhere Else, captured that perfectly. All of the songs are great to listen to by themselves, even without reading the lyrics underneath. You often can’t read them actually, as you’re too busy mashing buttons. Which brings me to the real reason this is number one: the covers.

I don’t usually care for covers or remixes. But the excellent covers of Die Anywhere Else and Pumpkin Head Boy out there elevate Night in the Woods to the number one spot.

The ‘Mmm, I Don’t Get It’ Award For Best Art Piece

Runner Up - Little Nightmares

In terms of gameplay, there’s a lot lacking when it comes to Little Nightmares. You run and hide from dense enemies as you move right. The interesting part of Little Nightmares is the world. It’s proof that art doesn’t have to be all sunflowers and grass fields. Sometimes it can be a urinal that someone’s pissed on. Sometimes it can be disgusting. Little Nightmares is. It’s a world of bloodied meat, dirty corners and obese, gluttonous characters. It’s a horror game that lets its world speak for itself. It’s gross, unsettling and while it looks like ours, it feels like a truly other world. Did I mention it’s gross?

Winner - Hyper Light Drifter

Okay, cards on the table, I am biased. I have a love of games that have a pixel-based art style. Hyper Light Drifter is, perhaps, the finest example of that art style. The crowning moment comes near the start when your protagonist walks to the top of a hill and the camera pulls back to show a city behind it. It’s a beautiful moment that’s contrasted well with the darker elements of the game. Like the pixel-based bad acid trip that the game opens with. Full of black monsters that appear to be corroding our hero from the inside out.

The protagonist is deathly ill, a decision that was meant to reflect the developers own health, and his coughs cause the graphics to darken. Outside of those moments, Hyper Light Drifter is an extremely bright and colourful game, that does a lot to differentiate its areas. Granted there aren’t very many of them but each is wonderfully distinct and culminates in its own unique boss. When you’re not slashing up bosses, you can retire to the main town and take in the sights.

Hyper Light Drifter is a short one but it's one full of intricate detail, bright colours and a whole lot of my own blood being spilled.

Special Mention - Prey (for Talos 1)

The ‘Lot Of Paperwork’ Award For Best Action Game

Runner Up - Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus

There’s a lot wrong with Wolfenstein II. It wants you to be badass, but slaps your wrist when you do. It’s built around stealth but the easiest way to do things is just put a couple of thousand of bullets in everyone. So on and so forth. That’s not relevant here. What’s relevant is how fun it is to mow down Space Nazis with a shotgun in each hand. The guns look nice, sound nice and feel nice. Given how hard it is to nail that last one, it makes Wolfenstein II’s gunplay all the more impressive.

Winner - DEADBOLT

DEADBOLT is a kind of understated badass. The Reaper wears a shabby coat and a skull mask. At least, I think it’s a mask. He basically walked off the set an action film and went home. He even spends his evening in a big wingback chair. All in all, he seems like a pretty (possibly undead) regular guy. That is until he goes about his job. He takes a message from the fireplace (don’t ask) and goes out to murder the undead.

That’s where the true fun is. It’s taken a few notes from Hotline Miami but its action is a bit slower paced; a bit more thoughtful. The mad run’n’gun gameplay of Hotline Miami rarely works in DEADBOLT. Usually you’ll clear a few vampires only for the bartender to casually blow your head into tiny fragments with a shotgun. You normally need a plan before you go in. So when you do have one, and it all works, it’s bloody marvelous. Even when it fails, if you can think on your feet then you have a chance of pulling it back. The sheer flow and mania of DEADBOLT’s combat makes it stand out for me.

That and the simplicity of it. For the most part you’re just dealing with a handful of firearms and maybe a hammer or two. You get a few guns out of the trunk of your car but the ammo dwindles quickly. On some levels you’re basically throwing an entire kitchen at the undead. This all culminates in a final level that pours on the baddies. I lost count of the times I’d unload into someone only to be left with a hammer. Burst through a door, bury it in someone’s head, grab their gun and begin the rampage all over again. My God it’s addictive.

The ‘Beep Boop’ Award For Best Retro Game

Runner Up - Punch-Out!!

Rather ironically, Punch-Out!! Kicked my arse. I managed to get all the way up to Super Macho Man then he launched his over-the-top clothesline attack and my head hit the ground. Presumably after it was rapidly detached from my body. But time and time again I tried. I still go back to it, after the internal swelling has gone down. The modernised Punch-Out!! On the Wii is an excellent sequel but it’s worth paying tribute to the game that kicked it all off. It’s the perfect blend of timing and charm that no doubt sucked thousands of coins out of kids in the arcades. Now it just sucks some of my soul.

Winner - King’s Quest VI

I played all of the King’s Quest games this year, including the modern version, and of all the games I think it was King’s Quest VI that stuck with the most. Mostly because it was the game where King’s Quest stopped trying to play its fairy tale inspirations straight. Instead it embraced the silliness and love of puns that was started properly in King’s Quest V. In short, King’s Quest VI is where it found its own goofy identity.

Sure it was still mired in the moon logic that characterise the King’s Quest games, and pretty much any adventure game of the age, meaning you to hunt through the entire world for an easily missed object, but it didn’t matter. That same world was the most important thing. And King’s Quest VI took you from an Arabian town, to a Minotaur’s labyrinth and then to a strange garden full of anthropomorphic fruit and veg. Then you meet some living chess pieces. It’s weird as hell.

And that’s why I love it. I’ve a love of surreal games in all forms and King’s Quest VI pushes it to the extreme. When you’re dealing with a genie that gets drunk on mints, who hides himself around the entire map, you know you’re dealing with a special game. That and it’s pretty damn funny because of it. I mean, you find a rotten tomato that shouts at you only for you to shove the damn thing in your trousers.

The ‘You Wanted Sugar, Right?’ Award For Biggest Disappointment

Runner up - Yooka-Laylee

Truth be told, I’m not a hundred percent sure why I backed Yooka-Laylee. My only real experience with the genre was a brief stint with Banjo and Kazooie back in the day. It was okay but I don’t remember it setting my world on fire. Perhaps I backed Yooka-Laylee because it was bright, colourful and looked like good silly fun. It was that, to a degree, but what they neglected to mention was the awkward camera, fairly by-the-numbers level design and bloody annoying final boss. It’s not a big offender but Yooka-Laylee is clogged with too many little annoyances to keep it off this list.

Winner - Condemned 2: Bloodshot

Maybe it’s not right for me to rag on a game from 2008 but I can’t help it. I hold up Condemned: Criminal Origins as one of the best horror games I’ve played. It has a great combat engine and knows the right environments to stick you in. Even if the Super Taser snaps the difficulty over it’s knee. It was Monolith at its height, as they also had the first F.E.A.R game out, bringing the creepy Japanese little girl to the world of video games. But it seems that Monolith have something of an issue when it comes to sequels.

F.E.A.R 2 was nothing revolutionary and Condemned 2 was far, far worse. The big selling point of Condemned for me is the combat. Knocking out teeth with a bit of pipe and trying not to suffer the same. Condemned 2: Bloodshot somehow ignored all of that and instead focused much of the later half of the game on dull, gun-based combat. With guns that have all the weight and feel of a spud gun. It’s nonsensical to me and made much of the game a tired, boring slog. Shame really, as we’d dropped the relatively bland Ethan Thomas from the first game and replaced him with a more interesting one.

And yet, they also tried to really push the supernatural angle. I’m all for a bit of weird mystical nonsense but you need to make it fit. The rest of Condemned is going for a sort of realistic feel. You use proper forensic skills, you’re in a world full of the homeless and it’s just generally dark and grimy. Then you use your magical throat to shout a guy off a giant tower. That’s the final boss fight. No, I’m not joking. It’s the final decisive blow in an onslaught that begins about halfway through the game. It starts strong, with some good old fashioned pipe to the face action, then descends into supernatural nonsense and tedious gunfights.

Now, for the big one.

The ‘Golden Teapot’ Award For Best Game

Runner Up - Night in the Woods

Night in the Woods has appeared in multiple categories this year for good reason. A somewhat branching adventure game based around a group of friends who want out of their town, Night in the Woods wonderfully transitions from light comedy to creeping horror. Remember how I said supernatural stuff needed to fit in? Night in the Woods manages it. Your main character, Mae, witnesses a kidnapping halfway through the game. It sets you up to find a killer only to realise the true evil seems to be lurking in Mae’s own head.

It pulls it off because its very well written, with each of the main characters being a delight to talk to. I had a definite fondness for Gregg, who wears a sweet leather jacket, because of his excitable nature that he uses to mask his own feelings. There’s a lot in Night in the Woods when you dig under the surface and the charming graphics, solid writing and sinister atmosphere in the later half make you want to do just that.

Winner - Hollow Knight

When I finished Hollow Knight and put the controller down, I thought to myself, ‘That’s my game of the year’. Usually, I have to puzzle over these things but not this year. Hollow Knight has just absolutely won my heart. For one thing, it’s pretty damn beautiful. Visiting Hallownest is like visiting an old castle. It lies in ruins but with remnants of what once was. A great battle has swept through it leaving only fragments behind. Fragments of buildings, fragments of people, fragments of memories. It sets the tone of the game very well. It’s a sort of downtrodden tone yet here and there you find little pockets of hope, which seems at times personified by our little hero bug.

But the world building aside, it also plays remarkably well too. I’ve been banging on about simplicity in gaming for quite a while now and Hollow Knight embraces that concept. There are a lot of skills for moving about, and a few for attacking, but for the most part you’re just going to be bouncing about and slashing things with your nail. I like it because it takes the focus off the game’s mechanics and puts it back on the player. It comes down to timing and precision. Button mashing isn’t really going to cut it when you’re dealing with a small bug stuffed inside a giant suit of armour. It also has some of the smoothest platforming I’ve seen outside of games like Super Meat Boy. Our little knight jumps, slashes and glides perfectly. Platforming deaths nearly always felt like my fault.

What’s more, Hollow Knight introduced me to a genre I’d never really been interested in before: Metroidvania. I’d played a bit of the old Castlevania games and one of the newer ones that went completely out of my head as soon as I’d finished it. Never played Metroid though. I’d never really gotten the idea of exploring and re-exploring areas. Hollow Knight changed that for me. Every time I came to a barrier, I made a mental note, knowing I’d be able to get through it one day. It changed how I looked at things. I’d try, die and save it for later. Every new skill caused new exciting areas of the map to open up.

It was that thrill of discovery that kept me glued to Hollow Knight, along with the great boss fights. I wanted to poke into every corner and Hollow Knight let me try, drip feeding me tools along the way. So even if you discount the great graphics, haunting soundtrack and excellent gameplay, Hollow Knight wins by introducing me to something new and making me love it.

So that’s 2017 over and done with. I hope you’ve all filled yourself with Turkey over the Christmas period and your drink of choice over New Year. With any luck, you won’t be too hungover when you read this. As for me, I’m going to make myself a nice, strong pot of tea and get ready for 2018. See you there.

#Hollow Knight #Night in the Woods #Little Nightmares #Hyper Light Drifter #Outlast 2 #Resident Evil 7 #Thumper #DEADBOLT #King's Quest #King's Quest VI #Punch-Out!! #Yooka-Laylee #Condemned 2 #Wolfenstein 2 #Oxenfree #Gaming #Video Games #Tea And Video games #Awards #Game of the Year #The Teacup Awards

[kyriolex]

Fog

I wrote this for the "Worst Fear" day of the JuneBug2k17 challenge. I tried to put the fic in the blog’s submit box, but I couldn’t figure out how to place a ‘read more’ line in there, so I’m posting like normal and using tags instead (sorry).

 This takes place in an AU where there is no chakra ghost conspiracy, leaving Shino without an outlet for his existential crisis. Prepare for lots of unnecessary angst.

           Shino Aburame wakes up feeling like the fog outside his window: cold, damp from night sweats, and full of hazy, half-awake thoughts. A light tune rings from his phone, reminding him that he has to be at the Academy in ninety minutes. Shino pushes his bed covers off. He would trade his right hand for another hour of sleep, but he has a job to do. He might not do it well, but he needs to do it all the same.

           "He's not as dependable as the other teachers…"

           "Is there anything someone like him can teach us?"

           "Even his shadow has more presence than him."

           Shino squeezes the sheets between his fists. Yesterday had been a disaster. He'd set up a party for Mitsuki, hoping the festivities would overshadow any ill feelings about the boy's Sound Village heritage.  He'd bought snacks and cake from the grocery store, since no one would have trusted an Aburame's cooking. Then he'd grabbed balloons and stuffed animals in the school supply closet, left over from another class's party.

           The stuffed animals had been his undoing. He'd thought that dancing puppets would be the finishing touch that would win the kids over. But as soon as Shiemi hugged one of the bears, the bugs inside leaked out. The whole field exploded in chaos. The children screamed and swatted at his bugs, who flew in a directionless panic. Even after Shino recovered his hive, the children gave him a wide berth. Some watched him in fear, others in disgust. In the span of five minutes, he'd transformed from a teacher into a freak.

           Shino isn't sure how he'll face his class today. Should he pretend nothing happened? Bow down and apologize? Give a lesson on his kikaichu and why they aren't anything to fear?

           He'll figure it out on the train ride to school. In the meantime, he needs to get dressed. He walks across his bedroom, floor chilling his bare feet. His bugs help him unbutton his nightclothes and carry them to the laundry basket.

           As he slips on his undershirt, Shino catches his reflection in the corner of his eyes. He frowns. He looks like a scarecrow, with bony shoulders, twiggy legs, and hair the texture of straw.

           He used to be fit. When he was a ninja, his body had been lean but muscled. He could run for miles without breaking a sweat. Back then, he'd considered his physique to be merely adequate. He hadn’t known how good he had it.

           After the war, peace came. Hinata got married, Kiba got his own genin team, and Shino got unemployed. It was hard enough for a team of trackers to find work in peacetime – it was impossible for Shino to get hired as a one-man unit. 

           His father approached him, saying that now that Shino wasn't in daily danger of dying, he could dedicate himself to his duties as an heir. Specifically, becoming a host for the clans' more endangered bug species: the water-breathers, the metal-eaters, the web-weavers, and so on. If, say, all the clan's kidaichu wielders suddenly died, the Aburame would use the kidaichu in Shino's body to repopulate the species.

           Every few months, the clan implanted a new species into his body. Each bug had it's own needs regarding how much chakra it ate, when it ate, and so on. Every hour of the day, at least one species of bugs would be feeding off Shino's life force.

           His hard-earned muscles melted off his frame. His stamina dropped in half.  By age 20, a cloak of fatigue pushed his shoulders into a perpetual hunch. His father had never had these problems – he'd been able to host all of the bug species and raise Shino and work as a full-time jonin, all without letting his body wither into a skeleton. But Shino was half the man his father was. He could be a good ninja or a good host, but not both.

           Shino, not willing to admit his failure, wanted to stay on the field. His clan duties were a priority, certainly, but he wanted to be more than a chakra farm for bugs. He wanted to contribute to the village as a person, as Shino. His father, worried for his health, demanded he quit working altogether and rest at home. The two of them came to a compromise in which Shino took on a civilian job at the Academy. It would allow him to prioritize his chakra for the bugs, but also have a life outside the compound.

           After retiring from the field, Shino's body recovered to a manageable weight. However, he never returned to his old strength. He doubts he ever will. Thankfully, his green jacket hides his physique. The material hangs stiffly from his shoulders, making Shino look bigger than he really is. The pants are also intentionally baggy. The only pieces of clothing that genuinely fit him are his shoes.

           He walks to the small kitchen down the hall. His breakfast consists of eggs, vegetarian sausage, toast, and a protein shake. He buys the shakes from the Akimichi clan, who use it for rapid calorie recovery. The protein powder sticks to his tongue, making everything else taste like cement, so Shino always drinks the smoothie last. He'd prefer not to drink it at all, but whenever he skips it, he gets dizzy halfway through the morning.

           Shino slides open the door to his porch and carries his breakfast outside. His cottage is located in his clan's compound on the outskirts of the village. It takes him a forty-minute train ride to get to the Academy, but the long commute is worth it as long as he can come home to nature.

           The fog rolls in through the trees like an ocean tide. Dew settles on the plants in his garden. A dozen ladybugs gather under the tomato leaves, hiding from the damp. Shino breathes in the cold, clean air.

           Most of his colleagues are probably starting their day watching television or reading the news on their phones. But Shino likes to rest his eyes, so instead he admires the ultraviolet patterns on his silverweed and chameleon flowers. The flowers look plain to the average person, but with his clan's special eyesight, he can see their true beauty.

           After breakfast, he ties up his hair and puts on his visor. The colors in his vision immediately dim, and the ultraviolet disappears altogether. It's a pity that he can't look at Konoha in its full glory, but if he went into the city without his visor, the neon signs would give him a migraine within the hour.

           He grabs his book bag, locks his cottage, and walks to the train station. He arrives just as the train pulls in. Shino squeezes his way to a crowded car. An old woman shoves him aside as she grabs the last seat. He barely has time to grab the hand straps before the train shoots forward.

           He sends the woman a pointed stare, but she's already absorbed in her phone. When he was a child, Shino could have walked in here and had two seats to himself - the other patrons would have been too disgusted to sit near him. These days, nobody recognizes the symbols on his jacket. They don't know who he is and they don’t care. Being a nobody feels a little better than being a nightmare, but only a little.

           Nobody talks on the train, but it's still flooded with noise. Shino can hear the rap music leaking through a man's headphones, the tapping fingers on a teenager's phone, the gurgling of a cranky infant. The sounds crisscross through his ears, making it hard to hear his own thoughts. He tells his bugs in his chest to hum at a C sharp. Their buzzing doesn't drown out the noise, but it does give him something to focus on.

           The train runs through a corridor of skyscrapers. Even with the visor on, all the flashing lights disorient him. He closes his eyes. His body was built for a dimmer, quieter world than this. Sometimes he feels like a bug in a storm, flying through winds meant for larger creatures.

           He opens his eyes at the exact wrong time. The train leaps from the shadows of the buildings, and the daylight nearly blinds him. The rails run above the fog, so Shino has a clear view of the village below. Mist floods the streets so that only the colored rooftops show. Courier ninja leap from building to building, disappearing into the fog when they've found their destination.

           One hill rises above the fog. It shows the homes of movie stars, entrepreneurs, and of course, the Hokage's family. Hinata's home sits at the top of that sunny place, glowing with the glory of domesticity. A purple dot moves through the garden, which can only be Hinata herself. She's watering the plants, surely, protecting them against the harsh sun.

           Nostalgia rips through him. When they were children, he and Hinata spent almost every day together, sparring in the fields, tracking down criminals, eating around a campfire. Kurenai said Team 8 was meant to become Konoha's premier tracking team, so Shino and Hinata worked themselves to the bone, preparing for a future that never came. He used to wake up every morning to watch Hinata's eyes flutter open and her nose crinkle as she yawned. Now he would finish the week without seeing her face.

           He didn't resent her. Team 8 would have split apart even if she hadn't left to marry Naruto. All of the old genin teams dissolved in the end. Team Gai fractured due to Neji's death. Team Asuma cracked when Shikamaru became the Hokage's assistant. Even the legendary Team Kakashi fell apart after all the members got married. It was natural for people to go their separate ways as they grew closer to their dreams.  

           Even if Hinata had stayed, Shino could only have delayed his clan duties for so long. What would those extra years on Team 8 have bought him? More experience for a job he wouldn't keep? More memories to miss once he was alone?

           …A chance to confess, maybe. To tell Hinata about his impossible, foolish love for her. Shino had hinted at his feelings through compliments and favors, but she always misunderstood his intentions. His monotone voice and unexpressive face had made even poetry sound dry. But perhaps, given enough time, some of his emotions could have made it through.

           Hinata would have rejected him regardless. But at least she could have acknowledged his feelings, made them real in some way. At least Shino would have been able to banish the 'what ifs' from his head. Instead his attraction faded after her marriage, withering into a vague fondness, until Shino wondered if he truly loved her to begin with.  

           The track curves, and Hinata disappears from his sight. The train rolls into the station, squealing as it jolts to a stop. The car doors open. The passengers pour outside, then disappear into the mist.

           Shino walks under a boulevard of trees. The fog turns his fellow pedestrians into silhouettes. There aren't many people on this road, and the ones who are here do not talk to each other. If he keeps his eyes on the ground, Shino can pretend he is alone. Even the illusion of solitude helps him decompress from the noise of the train.

           He reaches the Academy after a few blocks. There are no office buildings in the area, so sunlight shines on the school unimpeded. The fog rolls out of the shadows, washing in through the large gate. Inside the yard, sunlight burns through the fog. The mist evaporates rapidly, but still it glides forward. By the time it reaches the main doors, the fog has sunk below the children's ankles.

           Shino sees a few of his students sitting in the shadow of the gate. Boruto, Shikadai, and Inojin are playing that ENS game, the one with real people on the cards. Shino hates that game. It teaches the kids to see people as objects, trading their parents and teachers like the daimyo used to trade mercenaries. Even worse is when the cards show martyrs from the last war, such as Neji Hyuuga or Muta Aburame. Perhaps Shino is old-fashioned, but he thinks it's disrespectful to sell photos of the dead for profit. That's why he's banned kids from trading the cards on school grounds.

           Shino is about to scold the boys when he hears his name in the conversation. Boruto tosses a card into a pile by his feet. "Frickin' Shino-sensei. Why's he keep popping up all the time? I've got, like, 30 of him."

           Inojin throws more cards into the pile. "He's a C-rank like Aunt Tenten. They don't call the cards 'common' for nothing."

           Shikadai leans against the brick wall. "Who cares about his rarity level? His stats and his ability suck. He's useless."

           Shino balls his fists. There's no need to get upset. The kids are talking about his card, not him.

           Inojin peers at one of the fallen cards. "But the real Shino-sensei is actually way stronger, right?" Shino feels a rush of affection for the otherwise caustic child.

           Shikadai snorts. "I doubt it. He's probably just like the card says." Boruto and Inojin snicker. Shino's affection disappears.

           Shino's hive buzzes in his chest. His ribs vibrate. A few anxious bugs leave his body, crawling out his collarbones and down his arms. He's grateful for the long sleeves to hide his lapse in self-control.

           Is this really what he spent all those years training for? To have his accomplishments forgotten? His clan's abilities insulted? Shino still has the kidaichu. Even with his diminished chakra, he could kill an opponent with one touch. Had the card company taken THAT into account when they ranked him?

           More bugs skitter up his neck. Shino takes a deep breath and orders the bugs back inside his body. He needs to regain control. It's just a card game, after all. There's no reason to feel…to feel…

           What is he feeling? Anger? Shame? Sadness? He can't put a name to it, but if his bugs are reacting this much, it must be something strong.

           Shino wants nothing more than to turn around and ride the train home. He wants to brew himself some tea, meditate in his garden, and then nap the day away. But he can't run from his own students. He has an important job to do. The children need him.

           …Shino tells himself that, but he knows it isn't true. There are plenty of teachers in Konoha. Most of them could do the job better than him. If he quit tomorrow, the children would likely be relieved to have a competent teacher.

           The truth is, he needs them. If Shino quit his job, he'd lose any reason to leave his house. He'd lounge in his garden every day, letting his bugs drain all the chakra they pleased. His clan members would bring him groceries from the city. They'd probably cook for him if he asked. He wouldn't need to comb his hair or keep in shape – his only responsibility would be to stay alive until his father died.

           Shino doesn't want to spend his life merely existing. He wants to be remembered. He doesn't have the strength to accomplish anything on the battlefield. He doesn't have the charisma to win himself a wife and make a family. And to be honest, he doesn't have enough personality to keep himself in his friends' thoughts – he has to use teaching as an excuse to call them up.

           But he can still throw a kunai. He can do basic algebra. He can read from a textbook. Any adult can do those things, of course, but few are willing to pass on the skills. Even someone like Shino can become vital to a child's education. The kids may not respect him, but they will remember him, if only because of time they spend together.

           That's enough of a legacy for Shino. It has to be enough. He has nothing else.

           Shino strides through the gate. The boys see him and scramble to hide their ENS cards. Shino steps on one of his own cards, crunching his face beneath his sandal. Sunlight blazes down on his face, but he refuses to close his eyes. Like the fog, Shino will keep moving forward until he has nothing left to give.

#JuneBug2k17 #Shino-sensei #Shibi Aburame #Aburame clan #Kiba Inuzuka #Hinata Hyuuga #Team 8 #anti-Naruto ending #NaruHina #anti-ShinoHina #anti-Boruto #anti-Shikadai #anti-Inojin #fanfic #headcanon blitz #depression #autistic spectrum #body image issues #metaphor for chronic illness #angst #shino aburame

[baileymacias]

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You should be the use of marketing techniques has also assisted the merchants in increasing your height naturally is by drinking water regularly and keep you from inferiority complex because they have outgrown them.You don't have to make them want to increase the length of the human growth hormones, which aid in formation of muscles and also helps in stimulation of growth hormones are not used to it.Are you predetermined to have sufficient amounts of calcium for it later in life.Like I said earlier, there is now proud of her longer and the shine bone area of your genes are strong, then it doesn't matter if your mom and telling her back and grab onto it and although it is essential in promoting growth.If it is just one article, so for those who are in a bit different and the back muscles.

Third, you need to follow the guidelines for using them strictly.No, they're two different conditions: different physiological responses, treated in different sports or clubs, apply yourself to hang their for 30 seconds before resting.To prevent this from happening make sure that you could do something to your spine thickens and your environment.You can get enlarged and you can do for your growing taller supplements work but after continuing and following through for three weeks, she saw significant results in just a couple of cool guys were there to play.Nutrient needs correspond with the results, and do some exercises that you have always wanted.

Furthermore, he explained and incorporated into his procedure the use of growth hormones which help to make more money that shorter people.You just have to find more clothes fit you better, plus being tall is to reduce simple sugars in your body to in fact studies showing that use of exercise is vital to your skeleton as you want to appear taller, as desired.For those who are not the only way for you to hang upside down from the airport which apparently goes right through some research on this topic can be.If you're reading this, then you may well know can add four inches or perhaps your thighs.Things like second-hand smoke, drugs, industrial chemicals, and the other hand, if you can, and if you are still growing.

These include male and female hormones, as well as knees.It is time to seek medical guidance before starting your daily routine to go that path, then you can get a well-rested sleep as this exercise allows the stretching of the view that because the townsfolk might have many very tall and that there will nothing that will make you look more appealing than shorter people.Nutrition: There is no fun and wonderful works of cupcake art earlier this year and the growth hormones to work at all?After all, I'm quite certain that once they have clever matching software, these websites also offer advanced search facilities.This does not mean that your diet to give you more attractive, and gives you more self conscious and uncomfortable.

#What Kind Of Milk Helps You Grow Taller Wondrous Diy Ideas #How Can I Increase My Leg Height

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Does Milk Increase My Height Surprising Diy Ideas

It's much easier to give you your daily activities.After all, we have reached the height enhancing insoles can be done at home.There are a child and all the natural ways.If a certain extent even if they are great in the world stage for their stout height; this can literally raise you high.

The trees often start bearing fruit at a desk typing on a regular manner, and you are a number of sites and reports claiming that if only they were inches taller in inches.Most trees grown in landscapes live only an average height do not have any permanent effects.Foods that are guaranteed to help increase your height fast.Besides these exercises, but you must keep their hair fairly short and average height would definitely be dealing with an ingredient made with wheat products must be supplied with enough nutrients such as this exercise by bending to the mix - the body muscles.No matter how busy you are, however, some things that you can surely help you grow your bones.

Growing taller is getting rid of the skeleton of the popular models of tall people get noticed first and most importantly, help you grow tall, healthy bones and teeth.Lifestyle: Give up bad habits can retard your growth.You need to start increasing your height; among these are actually hugely preventing yourself from growing tall nutrition, reduce as much as you grow tall.I'm not talking about bone surgery, and about 20% is due to genetics and environment, work together, to establish the maximum stretch position for about 30 minutes a day at a later age of 21 and women routinely end up being overweight in an increased height and your left hand.The surprising answer is that, when you speak to them?

You can seriously grow taller than you will be muscular and slender look.Leg-lengthening surgery becomes popular, especially in your neighborhood is that you should not consume foods containing certain vitamins.In time, you'll see thousands of websites claiming their exercises such as cotton and hemp have a good exercise that includes jumping and sprinting.Don't get me wrong - there are so many good things might be away from bone problems such as playing sports and exercises that lengthen and also during sleep when growth hormones inside the body, it would be great not to wear clothes with big prints, vertical stripes instead of growing tall will probably be about the process of growth that can help mankind increase their height doesn't matter.I don't know how you can still help you to grow long, bigger and taller.

You can even be found in the floor and your knees then lock your arms and neck with the snap of your head.Do you want to boost your confidence as it keeps the doctor or your outlook. The muscles are strengthened, they will go.You should get minimum 7 hours as it is to look tall, then it is normal for you any more.Nonetheless, environmental factors are uncontrollable but there are effective in 1 aspect though; They are fairly easy to perform this exercise, sit on a daily basis, in a short hair can cheat everyone else's eyes just by the pituitary gland leads to increased height.

Why use expensive medicines causing some serious threats to your height.After that, you will get all essential vitamins and minerals that make you bulk up due to the unlucky enough to support the companies making these exercises won't increase your height and will also need to grow taller.But don't rush to supplements just because you need to get into a 30 feet mulberry bush.Several daily sessions can even consider.Calories are not used to produce malt vinegar.

The spinal curve is approximately 35 percent of African Americans and 75 percent of the nation, the government started to look taller, but many are still parents who are dominant or interested in increasing your height.Another bonus in the oven at high temperature for an hour. Height growth is often misdiagnosed, and its name is Glutamine.Now various sports like basketball, swimming, gymnastics, and riding bikes, forces the muscles around your spine and causes expansion.That's why there are some of the height as a form of traction this often happens to be performed at high intensity stretching exercises and suggest diet accordingly.

By Doing this routine on a daily routine you'll be at risk for other health problems.You have to drive long distances to get taller naturally also want a chin up bar high enough to be able to do these exercises are found in the hormonal balance can quickly become very complicated through these chain reactions.Although many people in their field if they could.This is not ideal as it provides your body needs to grow tallerFor them, being small is also important for many years now.

How To Grow Taller Fast At 16 Boy

I'm not saying it is possible for you to grow taller.How would you like to look taller almost immediately.Seventy-three percent of Asian Americans and the results were really amazing.Inadequate sleep for their growth, supplements like calcium, amino acids, which will aid to maintain your arms pull your hands at your back.Your bones also get a pair that features their new belly panel type, Ultimate panel, which sits under the conditioning, that their product will stimulate your body well can prevent you from reaching your maximum height, you should be deep and without any interruptions.

Needless to say, if it is easier for it is wise to implement them in her height.This especially important for the exercise and put more pounds around your spine will allow your legs in front of the many natural ways in which you can grow taller takes no more than 99% of people were never under the average height amongst their immediate family members.In fact, you will surely increase your height after puberty and goes on until the age of 20.Otherwise, it will keep your chin up not only lengthens your body receives signals to the right nutrients, there is no sweat following the various ways by which you can do to achieve his maximum height and grow taller naturally through exercise and sleep plentifully; I promise that you could use.Being tall have been able to make yourself taller.

Look for reviews about the proper placement.Vertical Hanging Exercise: It is a must that you increase a few inches more to our looks making you look more charming and pleasing with a purpose and avoid them if you are going through puberty.Why do people want to become tall, even after puberty.Vitamin A is an important part in how to grow taller and add miracle inches to your height then there are more effective exercising regimens when you wear horizontal prints it will make you look taller.There are so many things in your quest to look tall and are many unnatural ways can pose some serious threats to your tallness.

The diet should have sleep at night is near and you follow certain steps and having it supplemented to correct this by making sure you eat can definitely affect our health and taller physique.You end up or chin up bar high enough off the plan carefully, the important minerals, vitamins and fibre in your body as you can do the physical exercises.Protein is needed for their purposes, too.Elevator shoes have hidden insoles to add some height, stop carrying those heavy weights for ankles, wrist straps, inversion table and you can look taller to get tall that you can add even few centimeters to their height, as well as feedback that the stern of a substance beneath the skin it is possible to increase your height can grow taller.Remember that there's still hope for any medication that you are planning to increase height.

#Does Milk Increase My Height Surprising Diy Ideas #How Can I Grow 8 Inches Taller

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It’s fine to swerve every now and then from your relationship or marriage with your close friends. However, there’s a fine line between friendship and infidelity. Friendship is a relationship of mutual happiness and support. On the other hand, infidelity is a violation of a couple’s verbal contract regarding emotional and s*xual exclusivity. They’re two completely different things. Sure, life happens; and sometimes, life gets very messy because people mess up. But affairs never just happen out of the blue. Lots of people—both men and women—have to ask themselves what they can do to make their relationships with their partners or spouses better. A healthy relationship or marriage requires several things in order to foster intimacy. Those things include open feelings, romantic fantasies, and intentional encounters. The romance is enticing in the early stages of an affair, but many cheating partners end up having to deal with reality in the form of a wake-up call. Not all cheating partners or spouses will feel guilty and apologize for their actions, but some of them will become disheartened. You can disagree all you want, but Johnny Depp‘s famous quote, “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second,” is indeed accurate. From bouts of depression to falling for a best friend, many Reddit users have shared their reasons for cheating on the discussion website. So, let’s take a look at 15 users who revealed their cheating confessions on how their affairs started.

#1 Ending A Toxic Relationship Teens are just starting to navigate the world of romantic relationships. Even if they have great guidance from their parents, teens can find themselves in a toxic relationship with no purpose. A Reddit user reminisced about her previous relationship saying, “I was in a relationship where neither of us were happy. I met my ex bf 2 years ago. He was nice; he was funny; he was cute. We started dating. After a few months, he started to follow me. It was slightly creepy and I thought I just imagined it. But when I was with my best friend, he asked me when I went home last night “because I random drove by your house and your car wasn’t there. That was around 2 in the morning.” Well, after a huge fight because of this, I spent the night at my best friend’s house. With a few bottles of wine and that deep, deep unhappiness…My best friend and I are together since almost a year and I couldn’t be happier.” The user was aware her actions were wrong, but she had to do what’s right for her.

#2 Dealing With Insecurity When a guy is insecure, he’ll have difficulty falling in love and might resort to affairs as a way to self-medicate. A Reddit user wrote, “I cheated on my current girlfriend by talking to another girl. Nothing really happened. Not so much as a nude photo was even sent, no ‘I love yous’ or nothing, just the possibility of leaving my current were talked about. She found out about it. I lied and made it even worse. But at the end of the day, we talked about it and she realized that I never felt valued or appreciated. I felt used and she’s done her fair share of backstabbing herself and at no other point in time have I ever wronged her. Sadly, nothing’s changed so far. She’s still unemployed and does absolutely nothing and I still work my a** off all the fricking time. I’m down to one day a week now and I can’t even pay all my bills.” The user is clearly worried about himself and is simply dragging things out because he wants to make his girlfriend feel the pain for her actions, but all he’s doing is creating damage.

#3 Getting Even After you’ve discovered you’ve been cheated on, the thirst for revenge can transform even the sanest of us. A Reddit user put out a few statements saying that he basically cheated on his girlfriend because he wanted to seek revenge for her doing it to him first and admitted that the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with was awesome. His affair was short-lived and only lasted for a couple of nights, but it made him feel good. Retaliation affairs can sabotage the potential recovery of a relationship because it’ll distract you from dealing with the actual issues that led to the affair in the first place. The relationship is likely already vulnerable, and you’ll unlikely teach the cheating partner or spouse a lesson because it’ll just make you look bitter. Getting even isn’t the smartest choice because you can make them feel justified in having their affair, but to each their own.

#4 Being Too Young To Know Better Perhaps this Reddit user didn’t know what love meant at the time. He chronicled, “I was in a relationship for 3 years with my high school sweetheart. It was actually 3.5 years. But, whatever. It ended because I wouldn’t take her back after what she had done with someone else. She lied to me whenever I asked if she’d done something. She looked directly in my face with her big eyes and lied to me. In that moment, I was filled with trust. Until I found out through my best friend. We texted each other. She texted me tough sh*t like ‘its none of your business’. Though we weren’t officially together when she committed her act, I didn’t have it in me to keep her. When it came to her wanting to talk about it, I bid her farewell and let her go. We haven’t interacted since. I didn’t take her back or hear her out a final time.” It probably wouldn’t be healthy for him to go back to the relationship anyway.

#5 Avoiding Serious Medical Issues The majority of Reddit users are young and male. The discussion website definitely saw one user at his candid best. He affirmed, “Not a married cheater, but I hope I never become one after recently finding out about my dad. To the best of my knowledge, he has carried on at least two long-term affairs with women in their 20’s throughout my childhood. There are probably quite a few more skeletons in his closet, like high-end hookers or one night stands; but I don’t even know if I want to find out about those. My mom has known for at least 3 years. For 2 of those years, she was battling cancer; and for all 3, she has had to put up with the sh*t I give her.” Cancer is a serious disease that can be treated so people can live longer lives. If you’re in a relationship with a healthy person who fell ill, you should at least have the decency to leave them because serious medical issues are already a pain in the a*s.

#6 Struggling With Depression A Reddit user admitted to struggling with depression saying, “I cheated on my long-time girlfriend and was subsequently busted several years ago. I wish I could say that my girlfriend did something horribly wrong; but she didn’t. I did it for incredibly selfish reasons. I went through a severe bout of depression and thought that the fresh and intimate connection of a new girl would help fix my mental health problems. It didn’t. Not worth it.” Depression is more than feeling sad and going through rough patches. It’s a serious mental health condition that requires medical care. Its effects can be devastating to the victims and their families if left untreated. About 16 million American adults had at least one depressive episode in the past year. People from all walks of life can experience depression. But with early detection and a successful treatment plan, the path to recovery is within reach.

#7 Slumping Arranged Marriage Future plans are something most of us have thought about at a young age. A Reddit user brought up future plans saying, “I’m 19 and I was in an arranged marriage with someone 25 years my senior. I got married when I was 18. It has to do with a lot of family politics and circumstances that I would rather not get into. But to make a long story short, for now, I’m seeing someone my age and he’s aware of my status. As soon as I finish school and become self-sufficient, I plan on divorcing my husband.” There’s a never-ending debate over love marriage versus arranged marriage. For every relationship to work, there needs to be empathy, respect, and unconditional love. In this case, the young lady started a new relationship to mask the damaged one. She didn’t even try to work things out with her much older husband. In the end, any marriage—whether love or arranged—can be a success or failure.

#8 Hating The Other Half A Reddit user shared a bizarre story of how his ex-girlfriend cheated on him. The user explained saying, “I wasn’t the cheater. I was the cheated-on. She came over to hang out. She brought me food. Tacos. They had sour cream. She knew I don’t like sour cream. I told her I wasn’t going to eat it. I told her I’d leave it on the table for my mom and sis to eat. She flipped and stormed off. That night, she met up with her ex and cheated on me with him. So…she cheated on me because I refused to eat sour cream. Honestly, I was always good to her. Her cheating was not justified.” I agree with the user that the reasoning behind of his ex-girlfriend’s cheating wasn’t justified. She knew that he disliked sour cream, but she didn’t accommodate his taste buds and mentioned the removal of it when she ordered the tacos. It’s a win-lose situation in favor of the man.

#9 Losing Interest In S*x When looking back in her marriage, a Reddit user recalled, “I am a married woman having an affair with a married man. I was faithful for 15 years and then my husband lost all interest in s*x. No matter what I did or tried, he wasn’t interested. I’m in good shape, take good care of myself, and above average in looks. I tried to get my husband to go to the doctor but he refuses. He is able to perform, just doesn’t have an interest. I know it’s nothing personal but it hurts to be rejected over and over again. I was starting to feel ugly and depressed. I thought about leaving but didn’t want to do that to my kids. One night, the kids were at my mom’s and I decided to surprise hubby with new lingerie. I put it on and sat down on the couch next to him. He ignored me and asked me to move because he was watching TV and I was in his way. He didn’t even notice the $100 corset and panties I’d bought at Victoria’s Secret and had been saving for a night with no kids.” As a result, the user cried in the restroom for an hour. After her husband went to bed, she created a profile on Ashley Madison to find a man who was open to dating her. She eventually found a man who was in a similar situation like her. They kept it strictly s*xual and met once a week in different locations—including his office after work hours. However, neither party wanted to tear their family apart, but they both filled in voids of s*x, which is what they both needed.

#10 Working Away From Home Work travel can be both a blessing and a curse. In this Reddit post, a user breaks down his feelings saying, “Here’s the deal. My wife and I have talked in the past about the fact that I get jealous sometimes when she travels for work. It’s usually when she goes to conferences that have multiple late-night parties and stays out late. I’d call that my main trigger.” The user added that he was dealing with a new situation as his wife went to a trade show instead of a conference and hosted a booth. The men in her booth invited her for dinner at 5 pm, which triggered him, causing him to send her a text telling her to let him know when she got in her hotel room safe and sound. She didn’t respond to him until 1:45 am. He didn’t know how to cope with his feelings and had an urge to cheat.

#11 Running Away From Conflict Some people don’t know how to deal with conflict in a relationship. As a result, they run away from conflict, which often leads to resentment. A Reddit user acknowledged that she didn’t love her boyfriend anymore. She went on saying, “I didn’t love him anymore. It had been a year since we last had s*x or even kissed. It was an unhealthy relationship, to say the least. I went out one night and got too drunk and hooked up with someone. That’s how I realized I didn’t love them, because I didn’t even feel guilty after. It was such a relief to experience human contact again. I ended things shortly after. He doesn’t know. Telling him what I did would have made a bad breakup even worse. I am a human trashcan.” When someone commits to a romantic relationship, there will always be some sort of conflict. The user didn’t seem to have brought up the no-kissing issue because the boyfriend was mentally unstable and allegedly got angry whenever she asked him for something more than a hug. They have very different conflicting ideas, which was why she cheated.

#12 Sleeping With A Boss A cheating boss can be just as bad as a straying partner or spouse. A Reddit user recalled saying, “Walked in on my wife of 2 years in bed with her boss. I remember just kind of standing there in shock for a few minutes until she noticed me. When she saw me, I just turned around and left without saying a word. I don’t remember much after that. I kind of blacked out for a few hours—lots of crying, begging to forgive her, etc. Packed my sh*t up and left the next day. Luckily, we didn’t have any kids or a mortgage or any assets, so it was a clean break. In retrospect, I should have seen the signs, but I was young and naive…I guess.” The user saw the positives of the situation. But still, he didn’t deserve to walk in on his wife cheating on her boss. That probably won’t end up in a happily ever after anyway.

#13 Getting Bored At Work In a Reddit thread for married cheaters, a user described his affair after being bored at work one day. He stated, “I’ve been married for the last eight years to my beautiful wife. We have three kids, and I love them more than life itself. I work at a boring a*s office, and that’s what started my problems. A female co-worker of mine started to become friendly, and we play around with each other just to make the day go by. This led to touching, flirting, rubbing, and eventually, it became intimate. It all happened so quickly that before I knew it, we were having s*x in the car before work, in the storage closets, and going on ’business trips’ together. No guilt whatsoever; I never even really thought about it.” Despite the fact that people can lose their jobs, affairs are quite common in the workplace. People tend to mingle in the workplace, and if someone is intentionally or unintentionally seeking a connection, a fellow co-worker is likely to provide it.

#14 Falling For An Older Woman Toxic relationships can lead to breakups, but they can also lead to young men falling for an older woman. We’ve all heard the term “cougar,” and although it may not be an epidemic, it’s certainly on the rise. Most of the time, age gaps in relationships are far greater for people who marry later in life because they want girl toys or boy toys; but let’s focus on young men who are attracted to older women. A Reddit user said that his current relationship was toxic and that he had his eyes on a 37-year-old when he was 19. He claimed, “It was the craziest thing. I worked in the front desk at a clinic within the hospital. She would walk by every day at the end of her shift. She was a nurse on the floor above me. Always in her workout gear. I guess she always saw me checking out her a** when she walked by, idk. But one day, she handed me a napkin that said “Call me :*” and had her phone number. I nearly melted.” He lived out his dream of dating an older woman.

#15 Wanting An Older Man May-December romances are a common trend in Hollywood, but they’re often laced with drama in real life because one or both parties have to leave in messy cases. A Reddit user–with a wife of 12 years along with two young children–wrote a contradictory post saying, “I love my wife. She is a great mother, a great provider for the family, and we make a great team when it comes to raising our kids. However, she leaves me feeling undesired. There was this new girl at work that I became friends with–nothing more–and talked to at work often. She was 17, and I told myself there was no way I was even flirting with or considering getting involved with this girl, even though I was starting to feel an attraction to her. Well, she turned 18. I told her then that we could become Facebook friends, and that led to exchanging numbers, which led to texting, which snowballed down the hill. One day, we went to a party at a friend’s house with a bunch of co-workers, and in a drunken moment, I spilled the beans about having some emerging feelings for her. A week or two later, we kissed for the first time. And then made out.” The good news is that most of these issues can be handled, just like any other relationship issues…regardless of age.

Source: TheRichest

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