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#he's. a dick. he's a dick
redsray · 1 month
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the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?
Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??
Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.
Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.
Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.
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Bruce: We need to talk about what’s going on with Tim-
Dick: The stalking?
Bruce: No, we settled that-
Jason: His cloning experiments?
Bruce: I thought he stopped that?
Damian: His hit list?
Bruce: What?
Dick: Dami, we’ve already talked about this it wasn’t a “HIT list” hit list- Is this about his spleen?
Bruce: spleen?
Jason: No it’s gotta be the-
Bruce: This was about his weed stash but I’m sensing there are more pressing issues I’ve not been made aware of?
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ashoss · 1 month
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the brothers ever
or i saw this post and i blanked out to this being done
w/o text under the cut :)
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oumu-omu · 9 months
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Batfam: Oh sure we can! (track Jason)
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Bruce: You know you can stay, do you?
Alfred: Indeed, but I'm sure Master Jason might take care of them.
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mylifeingotham · 1 month
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arrowheadedbitch · 5 months
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Dick: Let's play two truths and a lie!
Tim: Okay, I have a higher kill count than Damian and Jason combined, I'm pansexual, and I'm toying with the idea of becoming a supervillain when Bruce dies for real.
Dick:
Dick: I don't like this game anymore
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clarisse-doodles · 1 month
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inspired by this post, in which Damian does not know what Vine is
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inkedberries · 4 months
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sanguineterrain left this tag from my previous art post about bruce being 40s heartthrob coded and they are SO right!!!!!! can't stop thinking about it!!!!!
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men don't know if they want to be him or own him
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this man is a single mother
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angel-bitch-boy · 2 months
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Dick pushing thirty is forever funny to me. I imagine he pouts in the corner anytime Damien or Jason jokingly call him "old man"
Once during a particularly stressful mission he came back and took a shower only to notice a single grey hair amongst the black. He was basically that scene in howls moving castle where he threw himself on the nearest surface and wallowed until Kori had to reassure him he was still young.
He works on a mission with Bruce and is beaming when an officer comes up to him and he's expecting a "thanks kid" like the old days or maybe a "hey bro" in solidarity but the officer just shakes his hand and says "thank you sir"
Dick cries for a week.
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ghost-bxrd · 2 months
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Prompt:
Instead of Dick or Tim, Red Hood straight up goes for kidnapping Bruce Wayne and keeping him hostage just to see how desperate the birds get in trying to find him.
It’s a foolproof plan. Batman won’t blow his cover unless absolutely necessary, and “Brucie” would never know how to slip away from a crime lord of Red Hood’s caliber. It’s foolproof. It’s perfect. Jason can keep dropping hints and make threats towards the birds and watch Bruce squirm without consequences if he plays this right.
But then “Brucie” keeps begging him not to hurt his kids…
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qweenofurheart · 3 months
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the first two photos were later sold to a local newspaper and the last one was posted on dick grayson’s instagram with the caption “opps want to see me fall 💪🏋️‍♂️”
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redsray · 1 month
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i love the idea of the batfam wearing each other's merch cause like. i know they'd be petty about it. usually they'd wear their siblings merch in (kinda) equal rotations, but they'd change it up depending on sibling squabbles or sibling favours. Tim, walking into the kitchen in a Red Hood shirt: Dick: TIM!? Tim: what Dick: it's Tuesday. you always wear Nightwing merch on Tuesdays. Tim: oh. Tim: you stole my last granola bar, last week. Steph, looking for something in Jason's room: JASON WHY DO YOU HAVE EVERYONE'S MERCH BUT MINE?! Jason, peeking into the room: i have your merch. in the trash. Steph: WHY Jason: you hit me with a blue shell in mario kart last game night. i'm never forgiving you. Damian, sporting a full-on Red Robin hoodie: Tim: woah. what brought this on? you usually only exclusively wear Batman or Nightwing merch Damian: you helped me take that splinter out of Alfred's paw yesterday. Richard on the other hand has recently messed up my painting palette. Dick, from the other room: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Damian: he'll get over it. Cass, wearing Nightwing merch for the 5th day in a row: Jason: goddamn. what did Dickie do to get in your good graces like this? Cass, smiling: he made me a flower crown Jason: ... that's it? Cass: it was a very nice flower crown. Dick, buying seven Signal shirts: One for everyone. Duke, behind him: Dick, you really don't-- Dick: shhhh, sunshine. everyone will love your new merch. (they all wore exclusively Signal merch for a week straight) Bruce isn't allowed to change up his rotation or not wear someone's merch because he immediately gets accused of playing favourites. He'd rather keep some of his sanity, thank you.
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Twelve year old Robin, currently kidnapped: Is it true you used to date my dad?
Two Face: w h a t
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arunneronthird · 7 months
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pov you just tried to express an opinion in a wayne party. youre a super
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pokeberry5 · 2 months
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boy hostage (spiritual successor to this)
big brother to the rescue:
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beebeedibapbeediboop · 6 months
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It's definitely spooky season so I'm turning everything scary , sexy cute
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