mini etho-related doodles for the final chapter of You Could've Applied Online that dropped today (good ending: REAL, FREE at shade-e-es glass factory emporium) (+unreal boatboys final goodbye sequence)... gonna miss it ;w;
this one courtesy quote by chloe
and unrelated DO2 etho doodle frum yesterday (idk what to do with this atm)
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the thing about doctor/river is that the blatant romance is a defense mechanism. it’s playacting it’s how they sketch out the boundaries of their relationship because they can never be sure of how the scales of intimacy are balanced - they love each other, sure, but they are so rarely in a place where they both know enough about each other for mutual trust. so you get these really interesting juxtapositions like how eleven is in full flirty mode for impossible astronaut/day of the moon to the point where it feels like they’re about to make out every time they’re in the same frame but at the same time he dismisses her with “trust you? seriously?” and is shocked when she actually kisses him goodbye. in let’s kill hitler they flirt like hell when she is literally trying to murder him but not at all when they save each others’ lives. in the wedding of river song kovarian complains about them being lovey-dovey in front of her but right after that the doctor attempts to reset the timeline and river has to drag him kicking and screaming into respecting her enough to tell her the truth. in angels take manhattan we get both “just you wait till my husband gets home” (flaunting their relationship to grayle) and “never let him see the damage” (she doesn’t trust him to love her as a flawed, mortal person). they’re out of sync all the time, so sincerity is off the table except when it’s a necessary shortcut to trust that doesn’t exist yet - river whispering his name to him in the library when he doesn’t know her yet, their literal wedding being a tool the doctor uses to convince her to let him “die.”
the thing about “hide the damage” in particular is that river was responding to the doctor’s own fear of seeing the damage. she lied to him because she was trying to give him what he wanted, even if he couldn’t admit it. and it applies both to the broken wrist and to their relationship in general. every time he looks at her all he can see is the pain of her death, and she can see that he’s holding back even if she doesn’t exactly know why. this was always going to be a barrier to true intimacy between them unless they could be linear for long enough to know and see each other as they are, not as they’re going to be or as they were.
that’s why husbands of river song is such a perfect resolution for them. the only way river would ever be honest enough to let him see her insecurities is if she didn’t know who he was, so it had to be twelve and not eleven. and it specifically had to be twelve fresh from losing his memories of clara, so that he’d stop running away from confronting her death and just give them those 24 years together on darillium to really get to know each other, to see the ugliness and the imperfections and stay together anyway. it makes perfect sense that after that they could reach the level of love and trust river has for “her doctor” in the library, in a way that just isn’t possible with a relationship built on whirlwind dates done out of order and nothing else.
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TeaseTidbitTuesday
Going to kick this one off seeing as it's already Tuesday here. Here's a little bit more from they don’t know (your name is already mine) aka Dog Tags Fic/Mistaken Identity/Christmas Fic:
Between one blink and the next, he’s being thrown around and then everything is still, another blink and there’s is an ache in his neck and someone's hand on his shoulder, “-called 911…don’t move…”
Buck groans, the sound shooting straight to the pulsing pain in his head. He blinks his eyes open slowly and only sees white and little moats of dust floating around. What happened?
He tries to lift his arms but they feel wrong, heavy. His head flops back against…a headrest. Is he in his car? Someone is talking to him but he can’t make at the words over the ringing in his ears. His fingers fumble for the seat belt but they seem to be moving through jello, he lets out a frustrated grunt when he can’t press the button. He closes his eyes to stop the frustrated tears that threaten to fall.
“Sir don’t move,” Someone says in a tone of voice that he’s used multiple times before, commanding but not harsh, calming even, so that the person receiving it doesn’t panic any further.
Buck peels his eyes open, they feel like they’ve been crusted over with sleep, he wants to turn his head to look at who just spoke but they’re holding his head straight. He hears the crunch of his door as it's pried open and then hands are back on his neck. He knows he should sit still but he tries instinctively flinches away from the unfamiliar touch.
“Get me a neck brace and backboard pronto.”
He tries to say he’s fine, but he’s too busy trying to catch his breath. When did he lose it? There’s a tight band around his ribs and every time he breathes too deeply it sends sharp stabbing pain up his side. He should know what that means but his head is filled with cotton. A neck brace is secured and then hands are lifting-someone shouts in pain-
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I wanted to say that outside of semantics and divisions - I am simply happy to find communities that welcome with kindness - that welcome you by a good heart and not the ability to conform. I am happy for the opportunity to be surrounded by people who care.
It's a funny world we live in - making the same mistakes over and over, multiplying the same suffering by billions. I don't think I hope for an utopia anymore, I don't think such a thing exists - but you can't call me hopeless either. And that's what matters.
As a side note - this piece is set in DanceAU, which might be better known to Patrons so far, but still it was the best and most fitting option for this occasion..... also there are 12 DanceAU pieces incoming, because I might be making another calendar so. get familiar with these mutts
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When you haven’t seen the light of day in 2 months
Redraw of this:
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