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void-and-virtue · 5 months

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OP I LOVED UR ANDREIL POST GOING CRAZY THINKING ABOUT IT if you have anything else in that amazing brain of yours on this take please do share because i absolutely LOVED how you articulated this aspect about andreil. its something i particularily appreciate about their dynamic and relationship with anger and Their Issues TM. your post will cross my mind whenever ill think about it from now on.

I don’t think I have ever gotten an ask and this is kind of making me go insane??? I hope you know that you made my day and also, I’m so glad people share in my endless brainrot bc when it comes to this series and these characters I simply cannot stop

It really isn’t nearly talked about enough that the thing that got Andrew to actually look at Neil and become interested was (as cited by Neil himself at some point tho I can’t remember in which book that scene is from the top of my head) Neil’s bone-deep jealousy of Kevin. It’s—it ties into that whole epiphany that Neil has at some point, when he looks at Andrew and realizes that while he is hurtling towards his own breaking point and about to burn out and shatter into something he’s not sure he’d recognize if he survived the encounter, Andrew hit that point and broke from it years ago. And that’s an understanding that goes both ways between them—in a fucked up way, it feels like Andrew might be the future that Neil has waiting for him if he doesn’t end the year six feet under: hollow and drifting, passionless after everything he had to rip away from himself to be able to survive. At the same time, Neil probably reminds Andrew of how he used to be, back when he had hope for things only to have that hope rip him apart—which is exactly where Neil seems to be headed for the majority of the story.

I think that a lot of Andrew’s understanding of Neil comes from the fact that he knows intimately what it feels like to be caught between a rock and a hard place and cut his own lifeline, only to then fail to die on impact. Neil hasn’t had to resort to that yet, but he is hanging by a thread. You’d think that watching him struggle would only serve to drive it home for Andrew that he made the right choice in closing himself off, except… well. His expectations of life and the people in it are so bleak, it’s no wonder he finds himself drawn to Neil’s messy emotions and every unexpected show of spine like a moth to a flame.

Neil, for all of his issues and scars, can still feel things—can still want something so badly it defies all logic. Can want something with such visceral, fucked-up intensity that it resonates where it shouldn’t. It’s an ability that Andrew thinks he’s either lost or cut out of himself to stay somewhat safe, sane and alive a long time ago, but that remains as the most fundamental crack in the foundation of his being. It’s a fascination that seems to come out every time he’s sober and eventually ties into him wanting Neil—wanting something worth wanting and putting a name to it once he finds it. They look at each other and don’t want a watered-down version of the person in front of them. It creates a relationship that embraces issues big and small and accepts (even values!) the messy parts of being human. It means that any space shared between them immediately becomes safe once they settle into something comfortable together. The way they handle the uglier sides of each other’s personality honestly makes me feral because it’s always done with understanding and acceptance and they even find positives or comforts there that the other can’t see and that’s probably a reason for why 1) their chemistry is so off the charts and 2) their relationship is so damn healthy (in addition to their communication being stupidly good when it comes to each other).

Andrew wants something real and Neil wants to be real. And then they get to have exactly that.

#I hope this is even somewhat coherent #this went way out of hand but it’s an aspect of them that’s so hard to put into words #something something Andrew’s almost detached fascination with intense emotions and fervor #he shows that same tendency when it comes to Kevin vs exy as well #in the sense that I’m convinced Kevin’s passion both fucks him up and mystifies him #Neil is just much more up close and personal bc yeah his original devotion that caught Andrew’s eye was to the sport #but then Andrew got to experience that devotion turned around on himself full force #you cannot tell me he was ready for that #but also also #this and the og posts were meant to be about Neil and Neil’s emotions being ugly and messy and human #and how that resonates with Andrew because even terrible feelings can be better than an emotionless void #between numbness and twisted-up falsities #Neil’s raw emotions were probably the most honest thing about him early series and he had a lot that he was never allowed to express before #and not only is Andrew safe to let go of those inhibitions around #Neil also wants for Andrew to relearn how to enjoy that same privilege with him #losing control and all that #there’s a lot that can be said about all of this and I’m really not fully finding the words but. THEM. That’s all and thank you.#also ty for the ask I was really !!! when I saw that in my inbox :)))(#aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #aftg meta #answered asks

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angelsdean · 2 years

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i think dean is someone who really panics when he the people he cares about aren’t in his line of sight / presence. like watching people leave (not even in the dramatic sense, like. just leaving the house / where he can see them) freaks him out. he’s gotten used to masking it really well at this point so like. no one knows but it manifests in little controlling actions and anger which obvs is annoying to other people like dean NEEDS to know where sam is going when, when he expects to be back, he NEEDS cas to check in when he’s gone for longer than a few hours and it’s yes, deeply rooted in his abandonment issues but also. extremely rooted in his fear as a child that whenever john walked out the door might be the last....like he literally was a little kid waiting anxiously and scared shitless for his dad to come back from hunts, knowing that it was very very possible he might never come back. like kid dean has bobby and pastor jim’s numbers memorized and knows that if john’s not back / doesn’t check in after three weeks (long, long after the grocery money has run out) he’s supposed to call them. anyways. yeah...so dean seeing someone walk out the door. instantly flooded with anxiety and freeze response

#which is partly why. 'i didn't stop you i just let you go' bc like. he was frozen he was angry he was panicking !!#thinking like. oh god he's leaving oh god what if i never see him again he's leaving for good he's not gonna call he's not gonna check in !!#but yeah so like. in general tho he's really really a control freak abt knowing where ppl are #when people don't check in he gets. SO mad and most of them don't get it bc of course dean WILL NOT explain it #he doesn't even really fully understand it himself bc obvs he's never sat down and analyzed the inner workings of his mind lol #but yeah like sam especially gets so annoyed and thinks its like. a controlling older brother thing #cas doesn't get it for a long long time bc he doesn't think anyone would ever worry abt him :(#but once they get together he always always checks in!#the one time he forgets bc he got caught up chit chatting with one of the vendors at the farmers market....is catastrophic #like dean's worried out of his mind blowing up cas's phone (which died bc he was taking so many videos of jack at the petting zoo)#dean would've come to the market but he wanted to work on restoring the barn #anyways so like. yeah he's freaking out jumping to the worst case scenarios thinks something terrible's happened to cas and jack #when they finally walk thru the door at like 6pm dean starts sobbing and wraps his arms around his family like. why why didnt u call?#he's both sad relieved and a lil pissed like. obvs logically he understand once cas explains but he's still like.#channeling some of that fear into anger bc it's a hardwired habit he's still struggling to break #so there's a bit of grumping and cold shoulders while he's making dinner but then once they all sit down together he's like. i love you #got carried away w these tags whooops #dean studies #vic.txt

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sysig · 20 days

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See you everywhere, now that you’re gone (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Dexter Favin #Ft. Wally West and Xigbar again - they're good to him <3 #Hhhh ;; The sads :'0 #ZEX never got to fully show off his uniform ;;#I was so hoping for that! He deserves to show off and feel nice and be praised </3 #At least he'd surrounded himself with good people - the dynamics around which are also interesting #Wally lovely <3 He's so sweet honestly just wants to offer a shoulder if he's able any small bit of comfort #He's injured and he's still trying to hug ZEX weh ;; Any bit of solace ♥#Xigbar's way of cheering him up is his own kind of misplaced sweetness haha I love the care put into everyone's quirks <3 #Ugh the whole thing of Nobodies trying to (and failing to! To varying degrees) convince themselves that they don't have emotions #Clearly Xig is unbothered by this so it's better to just flirt and not worry about it! It's a shame but it happens to everyone #I see you Xigbar #Really tho him being a bit flippant and silly and tactile with ZEX did seem to help haha #''Let me comfort you'' pfft - sad silliness hehe #And then Dexter showed up!! I was so unprepared for that!!#Honestly I only expected him to come visit The One Time so I was so not ready for him to be here after All This #He made ZEX cry last time and this time he came to it already crying ;;#Ughhughgh ZEX's unshakable trust for DAX - even just his voice - being the breaking point of his self control I jfdlksahfds #Someone he can be weak in front of since he doesn't want to be seen by anyone that way - only to DAX ;;;;#Offering any bit of familiarity as comfort weh I'm fine this is fine ;;#Poor ZEX :( Being so powerless and helpless in this situation is so sad!! At least when he was in the War he was in control to an extent #He only touched his cheek with his uniform later that night which I do honestly love the imagery of soft and tender <3 #I like drawing people holding things fully to their face more than I remembered haha #And then the fact that his roommate changed the same night and it was /Kirk/ of all people fjdslahfdsfd wehhhhh 😭#Kirk is genuinely the sweetest to him he is absolutely best boy but to have a Captain after all that ;;;;#It cuts so deeply ironic oww <3 <3

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kaeyaphile · 21 days

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all thoughts, head full of ✨aventurine✨

+ a bunch of rambling/life updates in the tags, oops

#kayleigh.txt #y’all i seriously cannot stop thinking about this lil’ pixelated man 🫠#i officially have everything to fully level and max him and his lightcone and his traces 👏🏻#only e0s1 of course; i’m broke af 😅#hopefully for his rerun i can get some eidolons but alas not this time unfortunately 💔#he’s literally on the same level as kaeya in my heart; favorite hsr character for sure #(jing yuan has been demoted to my second favorite now because i am a silly goose)#i honestly never thought i’d be so adoring of hoyoverse characters but... here we are 🤷🏼‍♀️#actual legitimate feelings for real people??? ❎#actual legitimate feelings for fictional characters??? ✅#aNYWAYS the brainrot is really bad y’all and i apologize that my entire personality has been taken over by this man 🤡#i wish that i had an income right now so that i could commission some self–indulgent selfship art but alas 😩#once my irl bestie’s wedding and honeymoon is over on may 10th i will be going back to looking for a job 👌🏻#i’ve applied to probably 50+ jobs throughout the past few months and have heard absolutely nothing back 💀#i have given up for now; i have to get my mental health and autoimmune diseases under control first tbqh #i have a psychiatrist appointment on the 16th which i am terrified regarding but hopefully it goes well 🥲🤞🏻#and i am going to start a new injectable medication for my autoimmune diseases asap #i have to deep clean my house and revamp my reptile enclosures before i commit to a job as well ugh #i have to actually get my shit tf together before i start legitimately looking for a job again is what i’m saying 😂

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cannibalismyuri · 1 year

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'yeah i guess i did, i really did' being will blooming in adversity and 'we could play nintendo and dnd for the rest of our lives' being will fully-bloomed is so. he tries and tries to be himself when people he loves think he shouldn't, he says that in the van so. unashamedly and excitedly, even though he doesn't know if he even has a relationship with mike anymore, he's accepting himself and he doesn't car if other people don't want him to be what he truly wants to be and now is. he still feels like a mistake, but when he's with mike, he feels like he can't be one anymore. he loves and wants and does and is freely now, even if he has to hid some things behind a name, a painting or a commission, it's him being HIM. unashamedly and excitedly. will byers you will always be famous.

#he has fully accepted that he won't change for someone else anymore now. even if it feels wrong and dirty and horrible sometimes.#he won't change for someone even if he loves him more than life itself. because thats the only thing he has anymore. he can only be himself #overeager nervous childish maybe. but its HIM. and he will never forgive himself for letting go of the only thing that he can control.#he will never forgive himself for the night in the rain when he tried to kill the one that dared to be him.#will byers #byler #<- up your alley methinks #stranger things (sara's version)

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themthistles · 1 year

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actually it's so interesting how food as a metaphor is used to showcase sometimes love and sometimes control when love/care and control/possession blurring is one of be's themes when it comes to parent/child relations

#think dhw&jeongje's meal at the end of ep11 #literally any time hkh&juwon eat #also hkh offering hyuk to have breakfast together then immediately revoking invitation when he gets what he wants #like reminding hyuk that his place will never be at the table unless hkh says so #also also hey remember when in one ep hyuk brings hkh reports while he's sitting in front of a bunch of cut up fruit #and he never offers hyuk anything and when he gets annoyed he tells hyuk to 'clean it up'#the fact that hyuk's father is a fruit stall vendor is a particularly nasty touch😀#hkh controls juwon by keeping him at the table and controls hyuk by promising a place there but never fully letting it happen

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rohirric-hunter · 1 year

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I finally managed to finish Doom of Caras Gelebren and it was very good, but I'm laughing because you can pick out the exact moment where Amarthiel was consigned to long-distance soap opera duty for life. Like, this was probably her first assignment as a champion of Sauron and she got her ass handed to her on a plate. No wonder he gave her partner assignments in a Very Far Away Location from about TA 1300 through present day. Every weird, sort of inexplicable behavior from her can now easily be explained by the fact that two minutes into serving Sauron she told him she could beat Celebrimbor in a fight and promptly got knocked on her ass in ten seconds flat and she's still trying to get him to take her seriously again.

#lotro #'what did amarthiel want with amdir?' yeah i figured it out #shes trying to prove she can make wraiths and stuff really shes good at this kind of thing look hes fully a wraith now #come on i did good right? thats how you do it right? i made a wraith just like the witch king. mordiriths never made a wraith.#at least not an interesting one. mordirith couldnt do this come on get me out of this bum fuck angmar assignment #what do you mean some rando and a couple of rangers took out my wraith about ten seconds after we finally got him properly under control #in all seriousness it was a good skirm no notes its just #once again for newer players i think this is going to kind of mess up the reveal of who amarthiel is later #it doesnt have her actual name in it but its clear that celebrimbor knew her and i think it hints at the fact that she used to live there #which are like. the interesting points of who she is #again not currently a concern because i highly doubt any new players are going to be doing this skirm #probably it will be a very long time before anyone who hasnt at least finished volume 1 will have this expansion #so i guess as long as the skirm is bundled with the expansion #which i believe it is #but its something theyll have to do something about when it turns into one of those things they bundle for free in november in a few years

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shxwmaster · 1 year

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Pathonia Shaw's death was one of the best things to happen to Mathias.

That's not an easy thing for him to say, however.

( cw: parental death, emotional abuse )

Mathias is keenly aware of the damage Pathonia did to him. He was four years old when his mother died on the field and Pathonia took him in, vowing to raise him up to be a better assassin than Charlene was; training started early. As a kid, it took the guise of high enrichment obstacle courses, training his dexterity and teaching him to run, climb, etc., eventually those courses becoming more complex, timed, and bigger until he outgrew them completely. He was made a Fourth Finger Assassin at age 10, and with Pathonia having a heavy hand in his upbringing and life decisions, ended up with more experience in the field than the average agent and assassin.

For nearly 40 years, Pathonia held an iron grip on his life. She controlled everything about him. His diet, his activities, his hobbies, the people he socialized with, everything she could get her hands on. Mathias in his teen years made an effort to run away, only to be brought right back to witness the loss of the First War. She spent every second meticulously breaking him down, taking apart all of his ideals, thoughts and feelings and bending them to the shape of the perfect assassin. He was lucky that, when together with Edwin and raising Vanessa, that she couldn't sink her talons into them.

( though, she would, however, later twist his failings with his family, weaponizing it against him and making him believe he was responsible for everything that followed the VanCleefs, neglecting his emotional breakdowns and refocusing him to work and work only )

By age 30, she promoted him to Spymaster in what was essentially a coronation. The King of Secrets, the Blade of Stormwind, this was passed to him. Now, he had some control, he didn't have to answer to her for missions, and hundreds of the eyes of their kingdom now looked to him for leadership and guidance. Twenty-six years he had been trained to lead them. By now, he has fully bought the vision that Pathonia sold him: This is his destiny, this is what he was bred for, this is what it was all for.

( But really, it wasn't just the pact Pathonia made in her youth that signed him to this life. It was his mother, her sacrifice, her failure, her legacy that he’s here, that he’s become who he is. Everything he did was to avenge her, and everything he’s become is in honor of what she never had the chance to become. His only regret was he had nothing to offer to continue the cycle. )

Well, that regret doesn't last long, though.

As time went on, and Mathias got older, he slowly started to become more aware of where he'd ended up in life, and how much he'd let Pathonia dictate his life. When she started getting progressively ill, and showed no sign of getting better, he began reflecting on their lives, and everything he knew about her. All his life, she'd been this beacon of strength and perseverance, an unstoppable force, clever and cunning, always quick on her feet and agile despite her age. She had built the Assassin's Guild and the SI:7 from the ground up, she had created a masterpiece and welcomed Mathias into that life. Then, she couldn't stand on her own without help. Her hands and joints hurt, she got slower and slower, she started needing assistance with things she would have never asked for before. Watching her start to age and decay like that... it wasn't easy.

Once she finally passed ( not before finally parting her full, honest life story to him on her deathbed ), Mathias felt... hollow. At the end of the day, she was the only family he knew. He never knew his father, she never revealed who his grandfather was, and his mother had died before he could really formulate solid memories. He mourned her, because of course he did — she raised him, she protected him, she gave him shelter, she rescued him any time he was in danger, and she did, in her own twisted way, love him dearly. After all, all the effort she went through to rigorously train him was out of fear of losing him like she lost her own daughter; they were each other's only family. It was them against the world.

But she was a monster, one the Alliance is lucky to have had on their side, just tamed enough to be on the "right" side. He loved her, but he hated her. Everything she put him through, everything she made him do, everything she stripped from him — it took him YEARS to even BEGIN undoing the damage Pathonia did to him. There are years he can never get back, an entire lifetime he can never get back. His life is stuck here now, he can never undo it all. The training will always be with him, his hands forever stained in blood, and there is no room for him to be anything else but Spymaster Shaw.

And he hates, oh, he hates that he NEVER got to tell her to her face that he hated her. Oh, he never had the guts to really stand up to her. How can you blame him? She was everything, she inserted herself into his daily life, she was a constant in his life, always there, always at the ready, invited or uninvited. She kept him alive. She ruined his life. She taught him how to survive. He wouldn't have to fight if it weren't for her. She showed him the ways of an assassin. He never wanted to be one. She made him one of the most deadliest rogues on Azeroth. He will never live a normal life.

Every day, he wishes he would have just gotten the guts to scream at her, to tell her how much he resented her, to lay out everything she had done to him in front of her and force her to face it, to say something, to just fucking say something, but he never got to. He will never have that closure.

As every day passes and he learns more of her post-mortem, that wish gets stronger. On particularly terrible days, if he's wallowed in enough self-pity to drink, he's at her memorial, or he's talking to her ashes, cursing her, cursing her, saying everything he wish he could have, knowing it will never reach her, knowing that it's too late to say any of it.

( When he learned that the VanCleefs had survived and had joined the Horde, oh, he screamed at her grave. He had mourned them, he thought he had lost everything, lost his family, he thought they had died, and that it was his fault. He could've done more, he should have done more. He bore the weight of that for years; it was painful enough to separate from his life partner, but to believe that he and the SI:7 had killed them, when truthfully, they were out there, and he could have been looking for them? That Pathonia lied to him that they were dead? Oh, how he shouted at her remains, screamed his throat raw and wept. At least they lived, at least they lived, but she had spent so, so much time meticulously ensuring that Edwin and Mathias could not live a peaceful life together, it was just another tally in the hundreds of ways she ruined his life. Since that day, her ashes had been tossed somewhere in the Canals, and he has yet to feel any remorse for it. )

He does miss her sometimes. He did love her. But her death set him free, and he's only now learning how to escape the cage and take flight; these wings have been cramped for so long, talons sore from the shackles that had been there for so long. Now, he's taking steps to live. Some more vacation here and there, allowing himself to partake in frivolities, he's changed his appearance to what he likes, he makes a little more time for himself — basic, basic things he never had before. Pathonia will never have an heir, and he is glad for it. Though the SI:7 will eventually need a new leader to succeed him when he passes, he is happy to know that he will break the cycle; there will be no more Shaws after this to take up the mantle, he will not force another to live the life he did. He will never make her mistakes. He will never be her.

He hates her. Even in the grave, she still hurts him. He is sometimes open about his resentment about her, sometimes even referring to her as 'the wicked witch', but he will always owe his life to her. He has her to thank for everything, as well as her to hate for everything.

He won't ever truly be free. It's too late for that now. But at least, with her long gone, he can at least try.

He can finally try.

#profile: intel #si report: meta #si report: headcanon #file: pathonia #the heart still beats after all ; (defias)#preemptive strike ; queue #( once again i am thanking roux for canonizing sooo much of the shaw rpg lore )#( it makes my heart so heavy thinking about the shaws and everything that happened to mathias. he who has never had control over his life )#( and only now in his late 40s/early 50s does he finally. FINALLY. start to realize the damage )#( that it feels like it's all too late to undo. but that it's still worth trying. by god it is still worth trying. )#( even with how much i wrote here i don't think i can ever truly fully write out just how mathias feels about her exactly )#( because he will talk her up he will say she is the greatest rogue to ever live. and that he resents her and will never forgive her )#( he looks at his life so objectively and clinically at this point because it's too hard to get emotional. bc if he gets emotional over it #it will destroy him from the inside out just trying to get the feelings out. so he has to lock it. he has to suppress it )#( the best thing he can do is just try to live while he still can. and part of that means understanding he will never forgive her )#( nor does he have to. )

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loptrcoptr · 2 years

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Guess who has two thumbs and got kicked out of her barn? 👍👍

So two weeks ago I ran into this woman at the barn as she was taking her horses out of the arena and I was taking one in to ride. I know her, her barn is right across from a) the barn with the horse I currently ride and b) the barn just next to it, where I worked for seven months. Seven. And I still occasionally work at the barn where I currently ride. Following me?

Well. She completely forgot who I was and that we had met quite a few times, actually, over the past two years. I said hello as I passed her and she gave me that very specific look middle-aged white women give you that’s somewhere between “are you a criminal” and “you don’t even go here”. She said “are you Lena? [daughter of the people whose horse I ride]” I said “uh, nope”, weirded out by the fact I’m so easily forgotten. She then says “we’ll, are you related to [this horse’s owners]?” I again said no, and “I just ride this guy.” Gave the horse a pat, tried to keep walking. At this point she went full school marm and said “are you on file with the stable committee office??” As in… have u signed all the hold harmless paperwork that everyone has to sign in order to do anything with horses at any barn anywhere. Again… I have worked and ridden at this damn barn for two years right across from this woman’s barn.

So I said “yup, I’m on file, I’m totally legal! I’ve done all the paperwork”. She immediately changed tone and laughed and said “oh you know, I just have to check!” And I fake laughed and said “yep! Ok!” And told her to have a nice day. And it sat in my craw for days and I couldn’t shake the feeling she was going to contact the horse’s owner and “report me” or something.

Fast forward to yesterday morning. I get a text from the guy whose horse I ride and he says that this bitch (not how he referred to her, of course) has been made head of the stable committee. And she has decided that no one is allowed to ride a horse they don’t own, regardless of waiver status, unless the owner is present to supervise. in summary I, a non-wealthy young person, am not allowed to ride at the stables unless the horse’s owner agrees to come out and babysit me like I’m a child.

Also, I am definitely not a worse rider than most of the horse owners at this place (not the ones I ride for) who know nothing about horses and never ride, (which is why they hire me and people like me to take care of their horses for them)! But that’s not the point, the point is this woman has cited “insurance liability” as the reason for banning non-owners from barn activity. She has taken over from the previous committee head, who is an actual lawyer, and decided that the paperwork the actual lawyer prepared isn’t good enough to ensure the barn’s interests are protected… even though it has been doing exactly that for at least five years without incident. This is the same woman who used barn funds to put up a slew of cross country jumps all over the bridle path even though there’s only one (!) other eventer in the entire stables, so no one uses them. It’s utter nonsense.

The worst part is that because I’m not an owner I’m not privy to the stable committee meetings, so I don’t actually know that this is a real new policy, or if she simply told this specific horse owner it was for his, and my, benefit. If my name was somehow brought up at this month’s meeting, my former “friend” who hates my guts now would absolutely have started throwing shade and making up crazy shit. By now most people at the barn know she’s crazy, but too few know me well enough to have a dispute. So I can’t even say for certain, because horse people Are Like That, that this is even a riel now and not just something they brought up for me specifically, without having a better reason to boot me out. Less drama this way, you see. Knowing this woman loves control (turning the entire bridle path into her own personal playground!), I’d like to believe it’s just a whole rule now, but I don’t know for certain.

Anyway… as soon as I read that text message I was like *stares in Tired Horse Bitch*. I was lucky that these folks allowed me to ride their horse, and I had other people offer too, when the family I worked for retired their horses and I was out of options. And it chaps my entire ass that after all the work I’ve done and all the connections I’ve made, the owners didn’t even get the right to tell me when to stop. They can’t even make that decision now. And it has lit a fire under me to just stop lurking on horse boards and checking out boarding barns and commit to horse shopping, because I cannot deal with being beholden to the whims of random old crones any longer. I need a horse of my own that no one can tell me what to do with. Do I currently have the budget I was hoping I’d have? Nope. Am I going to start looking at horses anyway? Yep.

#personal #it’s a great sport but it’s unfortunately filled with a lot of control freaks and fun-suckers #poor man who owns the horse was like when I go riding you can join next time? what a nice man. but idk if I will take him up on it #I’m so tired of feeling like I’m being watched all the time their anyway now it will be so much worse #horse girl #i don’t want to hang out someplace where I’m unwanted and after two years of Drama and More Drama I am ready to shell out however many #thousands of dlllars I have to to not have to deal with any of it anymore #what’s next on her agenda I wonder! Theo oblivion is no longer allowed to visit even though #their hoa funds are paying for the barn to exist?#will the lessees not be able to ride without supervision either? how do the other owners #who let their friends and family ride #feel about this? i may never know lol because I’m not going back there I don’t think #petty neurotic narcissists using ��liability’ as a catch all for anything they don’t like in the horse world #has gotta stop. it’s too much effort to just exist in shared spaces IN MY OWN LANE #one time last year I rocked up to the barn and their was a riderless horse at the gate #he was fully tacked and freaked out and he had clearly dumped his rider some place #i pull my car in through the other gate and jog over to get him. he’s ln the other side #there are two women doing a lesson in the arena RIGHT NEXT TO HIM and they do nothing #I ask them for the code to the side gate there and they look at me like I’ve sprouted a second head #so I gesture at this riderless fucking horse and repeat my request for the code #as I punch it in another trainer drives up and says “oh good someone else noticed! and we lead the horse #back to his barn (I knew exactly whose horse it was) and in tack him and put him up #then we run off to saddle up and ride out and look for the owner #this committee bitch- the one who’s in charge now- was outside her barn gabbing with a friend #we rode by and said so and so’s horse came back without her we’re going to go find her #and she and her fiend just like. stared at us #we rode for like thirty minutes and didn’t find the rider #(she had fallen off closer to home and by that time had made it back to the barn #with no broken bones or anything) and when we were turning around the bitch and her friend came riding up finally #they had tacked up before us! they should’ve led the search!

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