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#he's been bullying me about being fat since before i can remember
dawnagustd · 1 year
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the ironed blacksmith || jjk
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The queen has made her list and checked it twice. She’s visiting those who have been naughty, and punishing them in ways that are oh so nice.
- Part of the Unholy Night Series.  
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➻ title: the ironed blacksmith  ➻ pairing: blacksmith!jungkook x f!reader  ➻ genre: fantasy | holiday | magic | smut  ➻ word count: 1.4k  ➻ rating: 18+    ➻ warnings: unprotected sex | cum shots/cum play | overstimulation | more fat ass cock !!! | degradation | hard dom!jk | sub!reader | bdsm | sadist!jk | restraints(spreader bar) | degradation/heavy name calling (slut, bitch, whore) | controlled orgasms | pull out method | doggystyle | missionary | rough sex | mentions gagging | pain kink | this bitch is crying again | begging | wrist pinning | spanking | mentions branding | mentions teasing | mentions bullying(back story) | mentions infidelity | a bit of aftercare | we know how we end these so yeah... rip koo’s feelings | I think that’s all      ➻ author’s note: Can y’all believe we’re almost done? Thanks again @taechwitaaah for helping me clean these up. I hope everyone is enjoying themselves. Love you !!
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The thing with Jungkook is… 
These bitches are always trying to fix him. And every goddamn time, they end up broken. A pair of Bambi eyes, tattoos, and pouty lips have never gotten your attention. But tonight, you’ll give him a try. 
You found the bitter blacksmith working hard on Christmas Eve while blasting his alternative rock to tune out the cheerful spirits of Heauxville. He answered the door with a scowl but couldn’t resist the urge to blow off some steam.
See, Jeon used to be a tiny kid. Some of the town’s most respected citizens used to bully him around. But those were the old days. 
Now he’s larger, stronger, and a whole lot meaner. He also has a thing for treating the town’s residents like shit, especially the wives of the ones who put him through hell. They allow Jungkook to treat them just as poorly and embarrass their family name. 
He lures them in with those dreamy eyes, and once he’s bent them over a few times, he sends them on their way. They’re ruined, and soon after—divorced and lonely. All that is left for them to do is send their lover boy gifts and hope he reconsiders denying their love.
But Jungkook’s heart is stone-cold. He doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings, darling.
…..
“Fuck! You feel so good, Jungkook.” 
Ever since Jungkook threw you down here, the only thing you’ve been able to see through your blurred vision are the raging flames from the fire. Your watery eyes create a thick film that alters your vision. The rasp in your voice sounds like you’ve been screaming for hours, and it feels like you have. You knew he’d push limits, but you’ve endured a lot more than you bargained for tonight.
You’ve been spanked and branded until your ass turned sore and red. Your cunt has been teased until you cried, and your body has been bent in every possible way. You’ve lost track of time; there’s no telling how long you’ve had your face buried in this rug, your back arched, and your ass in the air.
The straps on the spreader bar dig into your skin, but you haven’t even noticed. You’re too busy trying to remember your own name, and keep your sanity.
“Whore, did I ask you to speak?” 
Jungkook spits venom each time he speaks. You’d be lying if you said his harshness didn’t make your cunt drip. The very first time he addressed you as whore you were a mess. 
“No, but—”
He smacks your ass before you can finish, bringing a fresh wave of tears to your eyes, and arousal to your core.
“Well, shut the fuck up,” he growls in your ear. “…Or I gag you.”
You don’t take his threat lightly. If Jungkook takes away your ability to scream his name, you’ll probably lose your mind. You already can’t move an inch while being restrained in this position. You let out a sob every time his cock enters your guts.
You can understand why one would take being treated like trash; Jungkook is addicting. You can’t get enough, and even though he has a heart of ice, you know he’s loving the way you feel too.
“I told you I’d wipe that smirk right off your face, didn’t I?” he grunts.
You’re trying to hear what he’s saying, but it’s hard to do when you’re this drunk off of cock. 
When the force of his thrusts sends you flying forward, his hands are already in the position to pull you back on his dick. You have zero control of your body in this position. You’re only a couple of holes for him to fuck. And for whatever stupid reason, that makes you proud.
“Answer me, bitch!” 
He slaps your ass to grab your attention. The sting ripples and spreads all over your skin. Your arousal leaks uncontrollably, ruining the surface beneath you.
“Jungkook, please!”
He scoffs and continues to fuck you like he’s got somewhere to be after this.
“Please, what?” he asks. “Use some fucking words. If you know how.”
“I can’t hold it anymore, Jungkook,” you press.
He leans over your body and places his head on top of yours while he continues to wreck you from behind. 
“You’re pathetic.”
“I know,” you whisper. “I’m sorry.”
He frees you from your restraints and flips you over. His eyes are dark and filled with desire. You know he’s about to give you everything he has, and you are more than thankful to accept.
“Keep your eyes on me, and I’ll think about it,” he mutters. 
Jungkook opens your legs, creating space for himself. You try to pull him closer, but he quickly pins your hands above your head. “And don’t fucking touch me either.”
He enters your pussy before you can apologize. It wouldn’t have been sincere anyway. You’re desperate; you’ll say anything right now.
“Fuck!” you gasp.
Jungkook’s cock isn’t just thick. It fills you and still has inches to spare.
“This is the only thing sluts like you are good for… Lying on your back and taking cock.”
You spread your legs wider as if he can go any deeper.
“Use me, then.” 
It’s more of a plea than a request, but Jungkook complies, nevertheless. Your legs wrap around him when his movements quicken. 
Jungkook’s grunts and moans let you know he’s as close to his release as you are.
Your needy voice calling out his name only motivates him to fuck you harder. Your pussy quivers for more and more, and he continues to feed you until you’re satisfied. You’re suddenly overwhelmed with pleasure and Jungkook senses your orgasm rolling in before you can even warn him.
“Come,” he commands.
You want to squeeze your eyes shut, but you remember his instructions and resist the urge. 
“That’s it. Come all over my dick.”
Your mouth opens to scream, but nothing comes out. Your nails dig into your palm as you try to cope with the intensity of the pleasure. The high seems to last for several minutes before you finally come down.
Jungkook waits until you’ve relaxed before he pulls out and jerks his cock until he paints your pussy with his cum, and you prop yourself up on your elbows to watch him smear it all over your abdomen and thighs.
He’s the first to speak after he’s cleaned you up with his shirt.
“You did good, baby. That was hot.”
“Yeah… It was.”
“We should do it again, you know? I don’t know anyone who can take that much.”
Jungkook helps you up. You have to grab onto his biceps to steady your wobbly legs. He finds humor in your stance; it’s the first time you’ve seen him smile. He should do it more often.
“You should know how this goes, Jungkook,” you remind him.
The blacksmith nods, coming to terms with the fact that he’s the one who’s been wrecked this time. You offer him a smile, the best you’re capable of, and prepare to leave.
“Well, goodnight. Enjoy your cookies; they smell delicious.” 
Your eyes gesture toward the freshly baked dozen you brought from Seokjin’s bakery. He’ll receive at least twenty more of them tomorrow morning.
Before you can walk away, a persistent Jungkook grabs your waist and tries to convince you to reconsider.
“Stay?” he suggests. “Have one with me?”
His eyes are so hopeful, so afraid of rejection for the first time since he was a kid. The tables have turned once again, and he hates being on this side. 
You can hear how fast his heart is beating and sense how he’s hanging on by a thin thread. It’d be hard for anyone to turn him down with the kind of expression he’s presenting to you. But unfortunately for him, you aren’t just anyone.
“Now why would I ever do something like that, Jungkook?”
You slip by him and make your way to the front door. The last thing he hears is cackling as you disappear into the night. The sound will forever give Jungkook chills.
He isn’t sure what you’ve done to him, but he doesn’t like the feeling. He wanted to yell at you, but he also wanted to beg you to stay. However, he didn’t do either of those things. Nothing came out.
…Because you left him empty.
“And they say I’m the mean one,” Jungkook thinks to himself.
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strangemaleswaps · 5 months
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Strange Bully Swap
Sumit:
I hopped out of my car in the high school parking lot and grabbed my backpack from the seat. I'm glad I was graduating soon, but a little sad because I'd miss everyone so much. I wouldn't consider myself "popular" in the normal sense. But a lot of people knew me and I tried to be friends with everyone, despite being a shy guy. 
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As I walked to the entrance, my best friend Thomas approached me from the left.
"Hey bro! Did you hear about the new kid?"
"Nah, what about him?"
"They say he was kicked out of his old school because of 'bad behavior' or something. But not like actually fighting people. Like threatening."
"What, like he's gonna kill them?"
"Probably. But the school board thought that was bad enough so they kicked him out." Thomas laughed. He'd been my best friend since I moved to this town in 6th grade. He could be a little harsh at times, but somehow we've stayed friends even through high school.
"That's weird yeah."
Bently:
In every one of my fucking classes the teacher had to introduce me all formal like. I hated it so much. Can't I just show up and go on my way?
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My old school had people I actually knew and friends I actually liked. But I just HAD to tell this one loser off within earshot of a teacher and they had me expelled. It's not like I was going to do anything! Now I need to start a whole new reputation. One girl I hated from my old school was already telling people what happened so I was fucked from the start. Guess I'll have to sit alone at lunch once again.
Sumit:
The new guy wasn't in any of my classes but my heart dropped when we saw him at lunch. Now that I got a good look, I recognized him. I knew him all too well.
"You good?" I looked up to Thomas's concerned face.
"The new guy. I know him. His name is Bently."
"Yeah I know. He was in my class earlier. When people tried to approach him he like faked a punch." He shook his head. "What a weirdo. Wait, how do you know him?"
"He went to my old school. Middle school. He was a bully that basically made my life hell."
"What? That guy?" He glanced over at Bently sitting alone, then back at me. "But dude, but you're bigger than him."
"Well yeah, I am now. But back then I used to be tiny and wimpy. I remember him towering over me, and that's why I was easy prey. I was scared out of my mind being around him.
"Oh man. But you could totally take him on now though! Smack him!" He threw an air punch.
"Yeah. It's weird though. He was super popular before. He had that kind of outgoing personality that attracted people just like that. Well, other jerks that is. That's why we never got along."
"You really don't need to be an extrovert to be popular though. I mean just look at you! Half the school knows who you are and you're a turtle."
"I mean." I lifted up my shirt slightly. "I got abs too so that's probably why." He stared at me intensely like I said something wrong, but then we both started laughing our asses off.
"True! True!"
"I guess he finally got what he deserved after all this time."
"He's a real loser now. Sits at a table all by himself." Thomas smirked. We noticed Bently had dropped a napkin under the table and got down on all fours to pick it back up. When he extended his arm, his shirt went up, exposing a flabby belly.
"Oh shit dude, he's not only a loser now. He's fat!"
"No way."
"Yes way! Look at that flabby gut. Dude hides all his fat under the shirt. Wouldn't be surprised if he wore a fucking bra too!"
It was then that Bently revealed he was listening. It seems he couldn't take it anymore and walked over to our table with a show of rage on his face. Thomas looked up and started laughing again.
"Can I help you pick out a bra size mister?"
He curled up his fist, about to throw a punch, when I shouted at him.
"Hey Bently! Remember me?" He turned his head in my direction instead. I was feeling abnormally brave and angry at that moment. Maybe it was because I knew I had already won? We stared at each other for a few seconds when he spoke up.
"No."
"I'm Sumit." He took a long look at me when his eyes widened. I could tell he recognized me then.
"No way. Suckass Sumit?"
"Yep. But your bullying days are over so just give it a rest and leave everyone alone." I'm honestly surprised I managed to say that.
"Or what?" I stood up and got face to face with him.
"Or I'll mess you up," I said, alot louder than I wanted to. I may have had a better body than him, but I was no fighter. I was expecting him to throw a punch but instead he did a much dumber move - he knocked our heads together. It hurt like hell and we both fell over. I must've blacked out for a minute because when I got up, the principal had appeared; he was clearing the area and talking to Thomas.
"Are you alright?" He asked me.
"I'm ok."
"Thank you for not retaliating. It takes courage to not fight back. As for you Mr. Wilson," he turned to look at Bently, who was just standing up, "I will let you off this one time because it's your first day but one more screw up and it's detention."
As soon as the principal walked away, Bently came up to me once again.
"This isn't over asshole. Get fucked." He turned away.
"Wow, there's a real grade A asshole." Thomas put his hand on my shoulder. "Guess he's just jealous. I almost feel bad for him. Almost!" He started laughing again.
"Yeah, but my head still hurts."
"Eh, put some ice on it probably."
Bently: 
Fuck me. I should not have done that. I could've easily thrown a punch but he was just so in my face! I think I relied on my instincts. Stupid! Stupid! The rest of the day seemed to drag on and I could feel people laughing at me behind my back. This is really my life now isn't it? I headed home, and immediately to my room. Since my mom was out of town for the weekend, I didn't even bother trying to make any food so I just went to sleep, hoping that Saturday would be more tolerable.
Sumit:
At the end of the day, I went back home, hung out and played some Mario Kart with Thomas, and went to bed. My head wasn't hurting anymore so I was ready to enjoy my Saturday. But, all I could think about that night was Bently and what his problem was. I kinda felt bad for him. Who knows what his life was like?
Bently: 
I woke up feeling pretty energized, which was strange because that never happens. I reached my hand over for the glass of water on my bedside table, my eyes still closed, but found nothing. That's weird. I moved my hand around to find the table itself but still found nothing. I opened my eyes then and looked around to find a completely different bedroom. What the fuck? It was then that I noticed my hand was much darker than what I was used to. I checked out my whole arm and noticed how muscular it seemed. No fucking way. I investigated my body further and found I was wearing clothes that I didn't own so I decided to lift up my shirt to see what it looked like. I had fucking abs!
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I grazed my hand along and they felt hard, completely different than the soft flab I was used to. Man I don't know what happened, but I like it! Wait, what do I look like? The bedroom wasn't mine but luckily it had a mirror on the wall. I took my shirt off and gazed into my reflection. Holy fuck.
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I'm an Indian guy? Wait…shit. I'm that one guy from yesterday. The one I beat up…or tried to anyway. I leaned closer and touched my face. He's not all that bad looking actually. Wait what am I saying? That guy sucks! But still he has a nice body. I could feel myself getting hard within the sweatpants I was wearing. Maybe I won't think about who I am if I don't look in the mirror. I proceeded to the nearby bathroom and took out his member. Holy fuck he's huge! I rubbed one out, switching between nipple twists and rubbing my abs the whole time. I don't know how I swapped bodies with him, but all I know is that I'm in no rush to change back. This is gonna to be a fun weekend…
Sumit:
When I woke up the next day, I definitely did not feel rested. It felt like I barely got any sleep at all. I scratched the back of my head but noticed something was off. My hair was longer again? I had just got it cut so it was pretty noticeable. I opened my eyes and was very confused when I found I wasn't in my own bedroom. I didn't even recognize the room at all. It was kinda messy and there was a weird scent in the air - which was a stark contrast to my spotless bedroom.
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When I tried to sit up I felt a weird feeling. It was sort of a jiggle? I looked down and saw how pale my arms were. What's going on? Am I dying? I made the mistake of touching my chest. It felt…squishy. Oh god. I lifted up my shirt and saw a flabby mess. What happened to my body?! I jumped off the bed, the saggy flesh shuffling with me. My belly drooped a bit below my sweatpants, and the place where I once had pecs, were now wobbly bags of meat. I leaned over and watched them hang down.
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I went crazy and slapped my belly, watching all the flab go nuts. This can't be happening! I walked over to a nearby mirror and almost puked when I saw who I was. I….I'm Bently.
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What happened?! I made weird facial expressions and shook my belly again. I turned to the side to feel my ass around, and found it was equally as blubbery as the rest of my body. What did I do to deserve this? Oh no, what does my dick look like? I pulled down my sweatpants to see the damage. Oh god, it was…tiny. I have a tiny dick! Maybe it's a grower? I sure hope so! What am I going to do now though? Thankfully it was a weekend so I didn't have to go to school like this, but I needed to figure out how this happened. In the meantime, I was a little curious to see what it would be like to jerk with someone else's dick…
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fandoms--fluff · 6 months
Note
Hi requests for flufftober .
Can u do a fluff where the reader is plus size
And is in a relationship with klaus.
Can u make her Indian because being fat is looked down upon in India I am telling you this because I am Indian and I get fat shame d by my own family .
Can u please make her story same as mine where she goes through what I am going through and Klaus comforts her by kissing every inch of her body and leaving hickeys.
He also calls her beautiful.
If u are not ok with writing this or want to cut any part that u are not okay me .
U are free to do it .
Beautiful
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Flufftober, October 2nd
Female reader x Klaus Mikaelson
Warnings: mentions of body hate/dysmorphia, mentions of being bullied
A/n: please don't read if you think it will affect your mental health, remember it's important!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're sat across from your soon to be husband, Klaus Mikaelson, the one and only original hybrid. You've been across town all day and made reservations for this fancy restaurant just out of New Orleans so no one could interupt you guys.
You guys have just ordered, unknowingly, your arms wrapped around your midsection, sort of acting as a shield so no one can see your stomach rolls. Even in the stunning black midi dress that you've felt confident in all day, you have actions you do unconsciously for being self conscious about your body.
Basically most of your life, people have either commented on your weight or looked at you with that look, you got that look through your teens the most. Especially considering you didn't look the same as everyone else, and that's good, you're your own person, until it comes to weight. Then apparently you're not good enough and looked down upon by other teens, adults, and even your own family.
You had a phone call with your mother the night before while Klaus was in the shower. Said phone call almost brought you to tears. At the start, you were having a good conversation with your mom, until she brought up how she went to the mall with her friends the other day. She spoke about how she saw the perfect wedding dress that you would love by all the photos of inspo you've shown her since your and Klaus' engagement. But then she said, 'if only you were tinier like your cousins, then maybe you could try and squeeze into the biggest size of the dress'. She went on and in about how the biggest size wasn't even big enough for you to even try to try on.
That hasn't been the worst conversation with your Mom in a longshot, but it still hurt. It hurt even more, knowing it was your own mother saying those things. Yes, you may not look the same as everyone else, but you've been trying to love your body just the way it is. But things like that obviously doesn't help your feelings or self esteem.
You feel something lay against your hand, snapping out if your thoughts, you looked up at Klaus, seeing his hand placed on top of yours. His thumb is softly rubbing up and down to side of your hand.
"Love? Are you alright? You spaced off for a moment there" Klaus softly smiles.
"Oh, um yeah, just thinkin. Nothing to worry about" you give a tight lip smile.
Klaus nods, keeping in his head about your stranger-than-normal attitude, but it's not a bad thing, it's just concerning to him.
You guys get home from the restaurant around 10pm, everyone's either out or has fallen asleep super early.
You're standing in front of the mirror in your guys' room. You haven't changed out of your dress yet, instead staring at every part of your body that you're insecure about. There hasn't been any way to stop you from doing this. You would try, but then end up close to tears or crying in front of a mirror. The worst times this has happened has been in a changing room at stores.
That's what you thought, before Klaus steps back into the room.
He pauses his movements, seeing you frowning in front of the mirror, sucking your stomach in as much as you can. You look over to him, eyes widening. Klaus just caught you doing one of the only things you never wanted him to know that you do.
"Klaus, this is not what you think this is, I'm just..." you start, not knowing what to say, you trail off.
Klaus walks over to you and cups your face in his hands. "Love, you can tell me the truth, you always can" he tells you, having a senaking suspicion of what's going on, but wants you tell him on your terms.
He leads you over to the bed, sitting down with his hand resting on your thigh. You take a couple deep breathes, "I'm too big. I wish I was skinny, I've wished that since the first time someone ever brought up how I look different than everyone else. I've hated my body for over a decade, my mom was probably the worst thing about it. She would always tell me how I was fat without thinking twice. And she never understood and still doesn't how that makes someone feel, especially a teenage girl who's already miserable everytime she has to take foot in a high school where everyone says even worse things some how" you rant to your fiance, tears streaming down your face. "I hate my body so much" you whisper.
Klaus immediately pulls you in to his arms. He kisses the top of your head multiple times. "I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, and still do?" You nod your head. "You are perfect how you are. You should never compare yourself to others or listen to what others say you should look like." Klaus lists off.
"I love you so much, you're so perfect, and gorgeous the way you are. You should never think different" Klaus pulls away, looking at you with emotion in his eyes.
"R-really? I love you too. N-no one has ever said that. I've grown up hating myself" you whimper.
"Everything I said is true, and you should never hate yourself, being who you are now is everything to me" he slowly lays you down onto your back.
"And I will make sure you know this every day" he murmurs as he trails his lips all over your face and down your neck. He presses kisses all down your exposed collarbone and chest.
He keeps going all the way down, kissing your fabric covered stomach and waist, and hips. He goes down to your ankles, until kissing the top of your feet gently.
"You love, are so beautiful" he whispers into your ear. You cuddle into his suit covered chest with a slight smile on your face.
"You're the one person I feel safest with. Thank you so much. I love you Klaus" you look up at him. "I will always be here for you, I love you too, beautiful" he kisses your forehead and holds your hand.
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pastanest · 1 year
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if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @dreatine - thanks so much!! ♡
Spencer Reid x she/her!reader
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Secret Admirer
He really doesnt know how you dont notice. The way he laughs at any joke you make, how his eyes follow you around the room wherever you go, how nothing can possibly distract him from you because he’s distracted by you constantly. Doctor Spencer Reid, 99% of the time the highest IQ in any room he walks into, and you have him completely baffled.
He doesnt even need to look up to know it’s you that’s just walked in. It could be you or Derek since you are the only two not yet at work, but some part of Spencer has a sixth sense for you, and his eyes immediately abandon the pages of the book in front of him. There you are, strolling in like a goddess, that same gorgeous smile on your face that you greet all your coworkers with. He waits just a few seconds, and that very smile falls on him.
“Good morning Spencie!” You call out.
He grins back at you and lets go of his book with one hand to wave at you. Spencie. People have referred to him as Spence before, but Spencie? That was something entirely unique to you. For a while, Derek and Rossi made fun of it and referred to him as “Spencie”, too. It was no discredit to you, it was purely because Spencer was never embarrassed to hear you call him that, which all his professional profiling friends knew meant one thing: he liked it, and that was cause for some light bullying. At first, Spencer was mildy irritated by it, but they never made the jokes when you were around, and because you were never given the chance to potentially take offence, it didnt take long for him to discard all negative reactions, and his friends realised his positive feelings towards you were stronger than they thought.
Of course the entire team knew. Did he really think a room filled with profilers wasnt going to pickup on his big fat whopping crush? Spencer knew they’d figure it out eventually. What shocked him most was your obliviousness. He made no real effort to hide his feelings towards you, he couldnt. He gave you at least one compliment a day, whether it related to something you said on a case, remembering someone’s coffee order when they didnt even ask you to get them a coffee, or regarding a new hairstyle you’d tried out. He got very protective of you whenever a case turned dangerous and you were at risk. Spencer knows you are trained and can take care of yourself, but that doesnt mean he wont fear for your safety. The only way he could make his feelings more obvious would be to walk up to you and tell you he’s in love with you, which he couldnt possibly do. He’d rather get shot. Again.
“You should do something for her on Valentine’s Day.” A quiet voice speaks from behind him, Emily.
Spencer tears his gaze from you and clears his throat, staring back down at his book. Even though the entire team knew, he wasnt just going to admit it.
“I dont know what you’re talking about.” He says.
Emily sighs. “Sure you dont. All Im saying is, the tradition of being something synonymous with confidential adorer, might be your best shot at figuring out if she’s interested without just asking her out.”
Emily walks away from Spencer before he has the chance to reply, even though he probably wouldnt have, given that his mind has been blown by what she just told him. Something synonymous with confidential adorer...secret admirer! That might not be a bad idea! And with a week until Valentine’s, he has plenty of time to plan this one out.
Despite Spencer Reid’s brain being a working miracle, he decided to note down his plans, just to make sure he didnt forget anything. Even though it is literally impossible for him to forget anything, unless it traumatises him to the extent of needing a hypnotist to unlock memories for him. But that was years ago.
Red roses. Those were on the list, but he couldnt buy them in bulk. He would have to buy the first ones individually for his first idea, the final dozen were the last part of the plan.
For the next week, everyday when you walked into work, there was a single red rose waiting on your desk. On the first day, you laughed and picked up the rose, looking around and asking who was pranking you. When nobody joined in your laughter, you realised that someone had left you a rose with intent, and that everyone on the team knew that. Spencer analysed the reason behind your laugh, and based on previous conversations with you in which you admitted you’d never been anyone’s Valentine, he concluded that you didnt believe anyone could have enough of an interest in you to treat you that way, because it had never happened. On the second day, you were shocked and silent, blushing and quietly sitting down at your desk, twirling the rose gently around your fingers. On the third day, you walked in and just grinned from ear to ear the moment you saw another rose waiting at your desk. On the fourth day, the team was called in at 4am, and you ran in, hoping to catch out the mysterious rose-deliverer, but even then there was a rose waiting. Your tired eyes teared up at that. On the fifth day, you squealed and jumped around everyone’s desks, clutching the rose and running to Penelope’s office to show it to her. On the sixth day, your entire being lit up at the sight of the small piece of paper sitting next to the rose. Spencer studied how you immediately attached yourself to his words, the fact you hadnt received a note with any of the previous roses put so much weight on the few words.
You are the most beautiful person in the world, to me, and to everyone that has ever met you.
Your back was to him when you read the note, but he heard you sniffle, then take a deep breath and hold the note to your chest, before you tucked it away carefully in your bag. Though you got plenty of work done that day, your eyes drifted to the rose beside you every minute or so.
On the seventh day, Valentine’s Day, you walk into the office slowly, almost hesitantly. When you see the rose there waiting, you smile sadly. Spencer frowns as you pick it up and hold it to your chest.
“The last one.” You chuckle, and Spencer understands. You think that‘s it, it‘s over. He smiles to himself and glances back down at the files on his desk, reassuring himself that later on today, that sadness will disappear. Or in fact, in a few seconds.
This time, the note is in an envelope, which you gently tear open, as though even the envelope is precious because it’s from the rose-sender.
Happy Valentine’s Day, gorgeous.
Instead of making everybody else a coffee, why dont you just make yourself one?
You freeze, and Spencer can practically hear the cogs turning in your head. In seconds, you speed over to the coffee machine, and sure enough there’s another note.
We’ve worked on many cases, some were a botch, but if you really want to know who I am, maybe you should ask…
“HOTCH! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!” You shout as you sprint to his office door.
Aaron laughs and opens his door, handing you another note with a smile.
Although you’re only finding out about this now, my affections for you have lived far longer than a year. If you want to find out more, visit the person whose surname rhymes with “year” (but only if you pronounce “year” with a British accent).
He admits those poems are not of the highest quality, but he was nervous! Not to mention, he wasnt exactly worried about iambic pentameter, more so making sure you could figure out what he was saying.
You burst out laughing. “PENELOPE GARCIA I AM ON MY WAY!” And then you’re running to her office.
Spencer cant see your reaction to his next note from where he’s sitting, he cant make it obvious that he’s the culprit so he has to stay in his seat. However, when you return to your desk with a pouty face, Rossi asks what’s wrong before Spencer gets the chance to. You show him the note you got from Penelope.
Im afraid that when it comes to being confronted by you in the daylight, Im a vampire. But trust that you will see me soon. In fact, you’ve already seen me, countless times.
“How can I trust them when I dont know who they are?” You ask the group as they form a circle around you.
JJ wraps an arm around you reassuringly. “Whoever it is, you know them and you trust them, you know that, you just havent linked their personality to these events.”
You nod slowly. “I guess you’re right, it just sucks. I want to know who it is so bad, it’s keeping me up at night!”
Thankfully, the rest of that day is spent writing up reports and filing, nobody has called the team and demanded they get on a flight to wherever. These days arent common, but they’re possible, and Spencer couldnt be happier that one of them has arrived today. He cant help thinking luck might be on his side, or maybe Hotch has somehow scheduled this perfectly for him. Either way, he’s very grateful.
But the end of the day comes sooner than expected, and he finds himself packing up his stuff with shaking hands. You’re distracted, in the middle of a conversation with Rossi, thank goodness. Spencer darts out of the building, getting everything in place in exactly the amount of time he’d predicted he could do this in. 23 seconds. By the time he’s hidden himself, you’re just pushing the building doors open.
You approach your car, eyes immediately locking onto the envelope on your windshield. Now your hands are shaking just like his. You reach for it, opening it so slowly it’s painful for Spencer to watch. Once it’s open, you unfold the page in your hands and start to read.
(Y/N),
You captured my heart from the moment you first smiled at me. You introduced yourself with bubbliness that I was so sure wouldnt survive in this job, but you proved me so wrong. Every single day, you walk into work with the brightest smile on your face. You make it your mission to improve the lives of every person you meet, I dont even think you try, it comes naturally to you. Trying to resist falling for you was futile, and so instead, I revel in it. My feelings for you are not hidden, everybody else can see them. You wouldnt believe the amount of people we’ve met on cases who have pulled me aside and told me to just ask you out. You are the sunshine of the BAU, not the crown jewel, but the crown itself, because without you none of us would make it. And seeing you light up everyday this week because of a simple gesture like a rose, it brings me more joy and pride than anything else ever could. Though you arent aware that my heart is yours, you handle it with such care, and if my only way of returning that favour is to make you smile with roses, I’ll deliver them everyday, until my last breath.
I didnt want to come up with rhymes for Derek, David, JJ or Emily, and send you on an unnecessarily long goose chase, so I suppose all that’s left to say is...hello, it’s me, your secret admirer.
“A-Are you here?” You ask without turning around.
“Yes.” Spencer replies, and he notices your body beginning to tremble as you slowly turn to face him.
“Spencer.” You breathe, your hands immediately covering your mouth as though his name is new to your lips. You had never suspected it was him, but now you see it couldnt have been anyone else.
Spencer steps out of the shadows, a bouquet of a dozen red roses in his hands. He holds them out to you, and you slowly take them, before launching yourself at him. To avoid crushing the flowers, you hold them in one hand and keep that hand at his back as you hug him, crying into his shirt. Spencer wraps his arms around you in a state of shock, feeling his heart swell in his chest.
“Th-Thank you!” You sob, and Spencer shushes you quietly.
“You dont need to thank me, you deserve romantic gestures like this and so much more.” He coos.
You pull away from him to wipe your eyes with your free hand, and Spencer cant help noticing how adorable you look, smiling through your happy tears.
“You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever known, Spencie.” You tell him, and he beams at you.
“Thank you, (Y/N).”
Your eyes widen. “I have something for you!”
Spencer’s eyebrows furrow in confusion as you awkwardly fish through your bag with your free hand, until you retrieve a piece of paper of your own. You pass it to him, and he’s about to open it, but your phone beeps.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding.” You groan in frustration, throwing your head back dramatically.
“What is it?” Spencer asks.
You shake your head and put your phone away. “I love Hotch, but Im about to disembowl him for this timing. Wheels up in 30, come on!” You grab Spencer’s arm and drag him back into the building.
As much as Aaron may have tried to avoid a case on Valentine’s Day, this one couldnt be avoided. It was one of those “this is so urgent I’ll brief you on the jet” cases. By the time the brief is over, the team all but collapse from exhaustion. The flight is a few hours, people can afford to have a nap. Spencer, though, is wide awake. You’re curled up in the seat beside him, the blanket you always bring on the jet is shielding the entirety of you, apart from your head, which is resting on Spencer’s shoulder as you sleep soundly. Not wasting another second, he takes your note from his pocket and unfolds it, his curiosity has been eating him alive for so long he feels like a skeleton.
I honestly dont even know where to begin with this. I have no idea who you are, but I hope. Because if it isnt who I hope it is, this cant go anywhere, I’ll have to let down anyone that isnt him. And it cant be him, can it? The impossible man, the genius with a heart of gold, the encyclopaedia of endlessly fascinating facts that I could listen to forever. I dont make a habit of putting people on pedestals, but him? How could I not? He’s an angel of a man. And as much as I dont think Im worthy of his affection, it would be an honour to be loved by him, and for that, I hope. I hope, because Spencer, if it isnt you, I wont know what to do. But hey, just in case it is, maybe I should keep this with me if you ever reveal yourself? Jeez, look at me, living on nothing but hopes. But for you? If hope’s all I’ve got, even that is a dream.
Spencer blinks away the tears in his eyes. Of all people, you only hoped for him. And the way you described him, you adore him in the same way he adores you. He looks down at your face, sleeping peacefully on his shoulder with a delicate smile. Without tearing his gaze from you, he folds the note back up and slides it in his pocket. Spencer smiles down at you, lifting his hand to ever so gently tuck some stray strands of hair behind your ear, before leaning down to place a kiss on your forehead.
“Thank you for letting me be your secret admirer.”
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onsunnyside · 2 years
Note
Okay but this idk okay my feminism is trying really hard to fight me rn but I can't. Who would this be?
Also can I be ur 🌙 anon if u don't have one and well if u do give me any emoji you want.
that’s kalopsia!reader aka Arcadia Phi’s pet !! dark smut drabble below
warnings: dark, smut - minors DNI, dark characters, overstimulation, non-con/dub-con, implied free use, unprotected sex (p in v), dirty talk, degradation, dumbification, dacryphilia, dehumanization, gagging (with a used condom), size kink, it’s totally nasty, you’ve been warned.
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The semester has just ended and you’re all on winter break, it’s the perfect opportunity to spend days on end being ✨used✨ by your alphas because it turns out, they’re also in rut 😵‍💫
They don’t go full animalistic since they’d rather not ruin you within the first few months of your relationship, so they take the time to write all over your body—signing their names, their fraternity crest, slut/pet, and covering you in spit and cum.
By the end of the second day, you’re a limp mess in the living room, hiccuping and whining someone traces through your puffy, creamy folds and pulls out the used condom.
“N-No more…”
A sharp sigh follows your words. “Curtis.”
“I’m coming.” The alpha enters your view, already fisting his hard cock. He cranes his neck, “hey, pet, you’re awake again?”
“I can’t, I can’t.” You weakly protest, trying to crawl away from the man adjusting you from behind. A thickness prods at your weepy hole, slipping between your cum-covered petals. “Please no!”
“That’s not the right attitude, dumb baby.” Curtis replies, “You’re supposed to be good for us.”
“And let us use you whenever we please.” Steve murmurs against your shoulder, peppering kisses along your skin.
“Getting started without me?” Another voice pipes up from your side, it’s Andy with a towel around his waist and a fresh scent follows him. He crouches before you with a soft grin on his face. “Hi, my pretty girl, you gonna give daddy a kiss?”
Your eyes flutter shut as you lean forward, anticipating another kiss that will steal your heart—but instead, something wet and squishy is shoved between your lips.
“Hey, that wasn’t nice.” Curtis mocks, gripping your chin to get a closer look at you.
The condom, used and practically pumped full is hanging out your mouth, someone’s seed dribbles down your lips and chin, creating a trail for those pretty tears to follow.
“As if you haven’t done worse.” Andy rolls his eyes, dropping the towel to the floor and kneeling by your face. His hand wraps around his cock, slowing jerking then he taps your cheek with the bulbous tip. “Right, pet? Isn’t Curtis always so mean to you? Practically bullies that little cunt.”
“Remember when he made you suck his cock in that club?” Steve pushes in abruptly, groaning as your walls pulsate around his length. You choke out a gasp, as he presses to the hilt, and his fat girth intensifies the soreness that hasn’t left you once. You roughly wiggle and let out muffled pleas, trying to get away as he leans forward, crushing you—trapping you beneath his weight.
“He came all over your face and made you wear it the rest of the night.” A deeper tone rumbles from the entry way. Ari has his arms crossed over his chest, watching the pure filth play out. “Showing everyone what a little slut you are.”
You’re lucky the rest of the house is empty at the moment. Not that they would’ve cared, but they know you’d be utterly embarrassed about being caught by the rest of their fraternity brothers.
“Ransom!” He calls, and footsteps sound before another man enters the living room. He has a water bottle in his hand, gym shorts hanging low on his hips.
“Oh, we’re going again?” Although he sounds calm, you know he isn’t. In fact, he was just working off steam instead of fucking you into the couch again.
And that condom in your mouth tastes like him.
“Well, they’ve already started. Zero patience.” Ari snorts, slowly unbuttoning his pants.
“Finally.” Ransom grins, stripping off his clothes. “This time, I want her mouth.”
“Too late.” Andy grunts, shoving himself deep into your mouth alongside the condom. “Better luck next time, playboy.”
🌙 is already taken so I’ll give you 🌻 if that’s okay !!
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best-underrated-anime · 2 months
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Best Underrated Anime Group C Round 3: #C5 vs #C6
#C5: A bunch of teenagers are forced to share pain
#C6: Sports anime for people who prefer bildungsromans to sports
Details and poll under the cut!
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#C5: Kiznaiver
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Summary:
Katsuhira Agata is a quiet and reserved teenage boy whose sense of pain has all but vanished. His friend, Chidori Takashiro, can only faintly remember the days before Katsuhira had undergone this profound change. Now, his muffled and complacent demeanor make Katsuhira a constant target for bullies, who exploit him for egregious sums of money. But their fists only just manage to make him blink, as even emotions are far from his grasp.
However, one day Katsuhira, Chidori, and four other teenagers are abducted and forced to join the Kizuna System as official "Kiznaivers." Those taking part are connected through pain: if one member is injured, the others will feel an equal amount of agony. These individuals must become the lab rats and scapegoats of an incomplete system designed with world peace in mind. With their fates literally intertwined, the Kiznaivers must expose their true selves to each other, or risk failing much more than just the Kizuna System.
Propaganda:
Kiznaiver is an extremely underrated work of Studio Trigger’s and is definitely one of their bests. Not just for the animation, but for the impactful story as well. The characters just feel so real, and this show just makes you think about human connection and how much we might care for each other if we shared our pain. Although it can get a little confusing at the end, the sheer raw emotion is what makes up for everything. Every single one of the characters gets developed in ways that made me smile like an idiot.
Very good but severely underrated anime! Would recommend! :)
Trigger Warnings: Emotional Abuse, Fatphobia, Disordered Eating, Implied Sexual Assault (maybe).
The fact that Yuuta is formerly fat is constantly mocked throughout the series, which leaves a bit of a sour taste in my mouth as a fat person watching the show personally. Yuuta, to maintain his thinness, engages in disordered eating by simply eating a small cube of food every day. Said character is also the subject of an attempted sexual assault by a female character, but I don’t remember correctly if that actually happened or if I just got triggered by the way the scene was portrayed.
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#C6: Ping Pong the Animation
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Summary:
Despite being polar opposites, Makoto "Smile" Tsukimoto and Yutaka "Peco" Hoshino have been best friends since childhood. Although the overly confident Peco strives to be the best ping-pong player in the world, he often skips practice, earning the ire of his fellow teammates on the Katase High School ping-pong team. Meanwhile, Smile—in spite of his innate talent for the sport—cannot help but hold back his full strength when playing against others. Through their mutual love for ping-pong, the two have developed a bond that is seemingly unbreakable.
When Peco hears that an ex-national team player from China is coming to Japan, he drags Smile over to rival Tsujido High School to observe them. The subsequent trip leads to a clash between Peco and Kong Wenge, who overwhelmingly defeats the former in one game. Stunned by such a comprehensive loss, Peco finds himself questioning why he plays to begin with. Seeing his potential as a player, Katase's coach begins to train Smile to overcome his hesitation, but he is reluctant to play if it is not for enjoyment.
As the two struggle to find meaning in the sport, a plethora of stronger players—each with their own internal strifes—await them at the inter-high tournament, where only the very best can persevere. But when these young athletes let their unbridled ambition go unchecked, the hardships they face paint a somber reality as they pursue glory.
Propaganda:
An experimental director (Masaaki Yuasa) adapting a work from a very stylized and emotionally-focused shonen mangaka (Taiyo Matsumoto). This is an anime that feels more like watching an indie arthouse movie than a shonen anime. Featuring characters and arcs that subvert standard anime tropes, it gives an incisive picture into youths on the verge of growing up and learning responsibility. If you want to watch a short anime (one 11-episode season!) which will include cool sports action (and that’s coming from someone who is not generally into sports animes) the matches given weight by the primary use of them in narrative being as checkpoint in the characters’ growths.
I tend to prefer shojo over shonen for being more introspective, with the emotional arcs developed slower and more subtly, but for me this shonen hits a sweet middle ground of having that more internal feel, while getting to do the shonen things of having cooler, action-focused animation and character relationships which are about friendship rather than romance, and character arcs that are about trying to strive hard to achieve a dream. The show is quite well critically regarded, but a lot of anime fans get turned off by the unusual art style, and there isn’t really a fandom for it, so I think it counts as underrated anyways! Anyways, I think it delivers a really impactful and complete story-arc in a short time, and it leaves you feeling like you’ve grown alongside the characters, no matter how old you are (no seriously, my 50-year-old mother walked away saying she didn’t know anime was such a profound genre when I made her watch this).
Trigger Warnings: None.
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When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.
If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.
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Know one of the shows above and not satisfied with how it’s presented in this tournament? Just fill up this form, where you can submit revisions for taglines, propaganda, trigger warnings, and/or video.
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stories-of-the-nrm · 4 months
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The RWS 75th Anniversary - All 4 Nothing
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(Fade into Knapford Station where Gordon is waiting for his express coaches).
Narrator: The next morning after Henry told his story, Gordon woke up after having a terrible night's sleep. He wondered whether or not he should tell the other engines about his past.
(Phillip finishes shunting Gordon's coaches and rolls onto the empty line next to Gordon).
Phillip(excitedly): Alright, Gordon! I finished shunting your coaches!
Gordon(doing his best to turn his head towards Phillip): Oh, thank you, Phillip. You finished rather early.
Phillip: I know you like to start your journey on time Gordon, so I got your coaches together earlier than usual!
Gordon: Since I have a few minutes before my departure time, I wanted to ask you a question. Will I be able to tell you right now?
Phillip: Of course you can, Gordon!
Gordon: Do you remember when my brother, The Flying Scotsman, helped take my express coaches after I had that unfortunate incident at the first Railway Show we participated in?
Phillip: I do. He helped save me after that bully tried to attack me! We had a farewell party and everything when he went to America! Why do you ask, Gordon?
Gordon: There is something that I wanted to share with the other engines about myself and my brother later tonight, and I wanted to know if you wanted to know too?
Phillip: You mean you want to tell us a story! I'd love to hear it.
(The stationmaster blows his whistle while Gordon starts to pull his coaches out of the station).
Gordon: I will be at Tidmouth Sheds later tonight if you are able to make it.
Phillip: Of course I'll be there, I wouldn't want to miss it for the world!
(Gordon leaves with his coaches and starts his journey on the main line).
Narrator: After leaving Knapford Station, Gordon pulled his express coaches all over his journey on the main line. He was still thinking about what to tell the other engines. He was so distracted by his thoughts, that he didn't realize that he made his way all the down to Vicarstown.
(Gordon stops at Vicarstown Station when he sees the Flying Scotsman pull in).
Scott: Hello, brother. I'm pleased to have been able to see again.
Gordon(gasps): Scott! You look wonderful!
(He shifts into his human form, as does Scott. Scott now looks much heavier as his entire body is now covered in a layer of fat. They walk towards each other on the platform).
Gordon: Why Scotsman. I haven't seen you in years. What happened to you? I know you have been very busy but why didn't you answer my letters? The last one I received from you, you were getting ready for a trip to Australia. How did it go? What have you been doing all this time since -
(Gordon gets cut off as Scott hugs him).
Scott(trying not to cry): It has been a long time hasn't it brother. (He pulls away). I'm so sorry that I have not been answering your letters. It is a long story, but the easiest part of the story is that I have been in an overhaul for the past 10 years. It wasn't until a few months ago that I was able to start pulling trains again. I know that's why I look a bit different since you last saw me. In fact, I'm sorry to say that I'm no longer an A1, but an A3. I'm not fit to be your brother anymore.
(He starts to look sad causing Gordon to pull him in for another hug).
Gordon: It doesn't matter if you're an A1 or an A3. You are still my little brother. I am not upset, I was just concerned about you. I know that you have been through some tough times since I last saw you back in 1977 where you told me that you needed repairs. Ever since I found out about you being stuck in America and rumors that might have been scrapped, I was so worried about your tours. When I sent you a letter after you told me about your upcoming trip to Australia and never received a response... well... I thought that you were in some sort of trouble.
Scott: I'm sorry about causing you to worry dear brother. I'm sorry about not writing back, I'm sorry about not even being able to tell that I'm alright, and...
(Scott begins to weep while Gordon tries to comfort him. He looks up at the clock then turns to Scott).
Gordon(calmly and quietly): Listen, Scott. There are a lot of people in the station. I have some time before my next train. Come on inside the station building where we can have more privacy.
(Scott begins to collect himself as he lets go of Gordon and follows him inside the station building).
Narrator: After Gordon was able to get Scott inside, he led Scott to a set of benches where they can sit down and talk.
Gordon: So brother, I know you are troubled by something can you tell me what's wrong?
Scott(trying to keep calm): It's just the pressures of trying to prove my usefulness after several decades. I have been trying to cope with going around owner to owner in order to avoid being scrapped. (He takes a breath). This has been going on since my fiasco in America back in the 1970s. Alan Pegler, William McAlpine, Dr. Tony Marchington, and the National Railway Museum have all had their turns buying me and fixing me up only to lose money and go bankrupt. Fortunately, the NRM hasn't gone bankrupt by my 10 year overhaul, but it still cost them more money than it should have. I guess in a way, that's why I didn't respond to your letters. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you my problems because I didn't want you to worry.
(He starts to cry again as Gordon moves closer to him).
Gordon: You are my little brother. It's my job to worry about you.
Scott: But not like this. You shouldn't have to worry about whether or not I'm going to survive another year. You shouldn't have to worry about my owner running out of money trying to take care of me.
Gordon: But you shouldn't have to go through this alone, Scott. You need to talk to someone about this. Keeping it to yourself like this is only going to make you sick. In fact, I can recall the time you were getting ready for your first train. You were so nervous that I honestly thought you were going to give yourself boiler ache.
Scott(calming down): Oh yes, I remember. I was trying so hard trying to pass all of my tests because I saw how you make pulling any passenger train look so easy. I wanted to prove to Sir Nigel Gresley that I was just as good as you were. I also wanted you to be proud of me.
Gordon(shocked): You never told me that.
Scott: And you never told me that you were proud of me so even though I know you're my brother, I thought that you didn't care about how I felt!
Gordon: That's not true. Yes, we had our differences, but you are still my brother. I cared about you when you pulled your first train, I cared about you when you beat the speed record, and I still cared about you during WWII when you had to pull passenger trains day in and day out not knowing when another blitz would come. I have always cared about you!
Scott: Why didn't you tell me that?!
(Gordon pauses trying to think of why).
Gordon: Because I was foolish. I was foolish for allowing myself to become blinded with jealousy. I had always believed that you were trying to prove that you were better than me, so I would choose to ignore you out of spite.
Scott: Why?! What have I done to make you feel this way?
(Gordon looks at the clock in the station and realizes that he needs to leave for his next train).
Gordon: I'm very sorry, Scott. I have to leave for my next train and this is something that I need more time to explain. I don't want to leave you alone feeling like you did something, so I can only say right now that (he takes hold of Scotts hands) this isn't your fault. None of my ill will towards you was your fault. If you are able to stay on Sodor for the night, I will explain everything at Tidmouth Sheds. Is that enough of an explanation for right now?
Scott: I suppose it will have to do. Good luck on your return journey, big brother.
(Gordon gets up to leave and lets go of Scott's hands. He turns to Scott).
Gordon: Thank you, Scott. I hope you a safe journey as well.
Scott: Thank you, Gordon and you're welcome.
(Gordon goes out to his engine and returns to his engine form so he can leave for the return journey home).
Narrator: Gordon was very distracted throughout the journey. He knew that he had to tell the other engines including Scott about his past in order to move on.
(Gordon arrives at Tidmouth Sheds. All of the other engines including Phillip and Scott are there waiting for him).
Edward: Hello, Gordon. You look concerned about something. Is there something wrong?
(Gordon takes a breath).
Gordon: There's a reason why I asked Scott and Phillip to come to Tidmouth sheds. There is something that I should have told you a long time ago.
Phillip: Was it about what you told me about the Flying Scotsman, Gordon?
Gordon: Yes, Phillip. It is.
Scott: What is he talking about, Gordon?
Gordon: I asked Phillip if he remembered you from the Great Railway Show. I wanted to talk to the other engines about my past since Edward, and Henry shared theirs. Since you are here too Scott, I know now that I really should tell everyone how I really feel.
Scott: Are you going to tell the truth about everything, brother?
Gordon: Yes. I understand now that after everything that has happened between us, you deserve to know the truth. Therefore, I feel like it's best that I start at the beginning with my background.
Edward: Your background, Gordon?
Gordon: Yes, Edward. You see in order to truly understand my history and why I have made the choices I made, it's important that I share what happened when I was made.
Scott: Gordon, we all know that you were made by Sir Nigel Gresley as the prototype of the A1. If it wasn't for you being a success, I wouldn't have been made.
Gordon: Scott that's not entirely true. There was another engine that was made from stolen plans of the prototype of the A1. That engine is Henry.
Henry: It's true, Scott. I was made out of a series of stolen plans. Not just the A1 prototype, but the C1 Atlantic as well. But since I was made out of plans that were incomplete, I wasn't a successful steamer.
Gordon: So you see Scott, I was actually the second prototype made out of fully completed plans.
Scott: I don't understand.
Gordon: When the plans for the A1 prototype were stolen, my production was stopped as Sir Nigel Gresley had to redo the plans from scratch. I was originally supposed to be built in 1919, however because of the delays in production, I wasn't completed until 1921. This negatively affected Sir Nigel's finances causing him to put pressure on me to become a success.
Scott: But, you were a success, otherwise I wouldn't have been made, right?
Gordon: That is where you come in Scott. Starting with Great Northern, Sir Nigel Gresley began to make A1s in the hopes that one of them breaks the speed record by going over 100 mph. He believed that if at least one of his A1s broke the speed record, it will increase his public image and his business.
Henry: I thought you were capable of going 100 mph.
Gordon: Actually Henry, I have never gone over 100 mph except for when I was streamlined. We all know how well that went.
Thomas: So how did you end up on Sodor? If you had to do all of this work to make Sir Nigel Gresley's money back, why would he sell you?
Gordon: With the A1's production going as planned, I was no longer needed. As you know, Sir Topham Hatt needed an express engine so he was willing to pay for me. I was made his No. 4 engine of the NWR. I had worked very hard to make sure that all of the money spent on buying me wouldn't be all for nothing. However, even after I established myself as an important part of the island, I still wanted to beat the speed record. I was so jealous, that I felt like I had to beat Scott.
Scott: Why would you be so jealous of me, when I wasn't even the first A1? I know I was the one that broke the speed record, but records are just records. After everything that happened to me, I honestly couldn't care less about it. And besides, I don't even hold the record anymore, remember? Our cousin, Mallard does.
Gordon: I know. Sir Nigel Gresley wouldn't stop talking you up while bringing me down in the process. Seeing how I was on shaky ground with Sir Nigel Gresley, knowing that my own brother did the one thing I was originally built for but better, therefore undermining the purpose of my existence, it hurt. I was so blinded my feelings of jealousy and inadequacy, that I displaced those feelings on you, Scott. I am very sorry.
Scott: I understand that much, Gordon. I still don't understand why I was met with such a cold shoulder every time we met. Why were you so unable to let go of your ill will towards me, when I haven't done anything? If it turns out that I did do something wrong, then just tell me.
(He starts to tear up).
Gordon: The only thing you did Scott, was that you showed how proud you were of your accomplishment. That is something which isn't your fault. You did not ask to beat the record, and seeing how you said you just wanted to make me proud, you couldn't help but to boast. As brothers, it is only natural that a friendly rivalry would arise. I had simply let my emotions fester until it grew to a level that I would consider hatred. I know that if I was that upset by your boasts, I should have just told you, but instead, I tried to just beat you in anyway I could.
Scott: Enough that you were willing to risk your life on such frivolous race?
Gordon(looking down): Yes. I just couldn't let it go. I knew about the modernization process, but I didn't understand just how much it affected you. When I saw you again at Vicarstown, it only brought up those bad memories of Sir Nigel Gresley berating me with questions of why I wasn't as reliable as you. I had associated Sir Nigel Gresley's insults with you Scott. I had mistakenly believed that you yourself made those comments.
Scott: But, I didn't make those comments!
Gordon: I know, that's why I can't believe that I almost destroyed the one relationship I need more than anything now! I'm sorry that I wrongfully hurt you, Scott and I ...
(Gordon starts to cry and shifts into his human form. Scott does the same and runs towards, Gordon's cab).
Scott: It's like what I said back at the Great Railway Show, "We've both made some mistakes". I remember how you told me about Sir Nigel Gresley, but I didn't understand just how terrible he made you feel. I feel worse about not being able to contact you after all these years. I want to be your brother again. I have had a lot of hardships myself. I let my fame go to my head so to speak. I had found out that I am not as well liked as I thought. In fact, you are not the only one to be jealous about my speed record.
Gordon: Who wouldn't be a little jealous about your record?
Scott: Surprisingly, it was our own dear cousin, Mallard, that made me realize just how extreme my record has put me above other engines. In fact, while I was at the NRM, not a day went by that Mallard didn't remind me of how much he hated me. Even though, he had broken the speed record, he still feels that I had overshadowed him. I think there was a feeling that I had taken the place of another engine. I have tried to talk to him, but I haven't been successful in my attempts. So, I can understand how you would feel, but I don't know why? Why was I chosen to be this famous?
(Gordon calms down, but now Scott begins to cry).
Gordon: You couldn't have known, no one could have known that you would break the speed record. You were just lucky.
Scott: I know, that's what everyone said about me. Maybe, I was better off scrapped.
Gordon: Don't say that! (He hugs Scott). You didn't ask to become famous, you didn't ask for any of this. You were put in this situation because of luck. That isn't your fault. As much as I was jealous of you, I never once thought that you should have been scrapped. I wouldn't ask that fate for anyone. I love you too much for that, Scott.
(Scott just cries into Gordon's shoulder for a few minutes, then stops. Everything is silent).
Scott: It's amazing how for different reasons we both felt inadequate. Ever since our brothers and sisters were scrapped, I guess you can say that I had survivors guilt. I didn't think that I should have been saved given all the trouble that my owners had to go through just to preserve me.
Gordon: But you do deserve to be saved. It doesn't matter if you had a speed record or not, you are still a really useful engine. You are my brother. It hurts to know that we are the only ones left, but that is the way it is. Steam engines, are not efficient anymore. You are lucky to have found a place that can let you be a useful engine. Maybe you can ask the NRM if you can visit Sodor more often.
Scott: You're right, Gordon. Maybe I should ask. I know that I won't be able to do it right away since I'm going to pull some speciality trains for a while. But what about Mallard?
Gordon: All you can do is keep trying. Be sincere and try to get him to listen when you talk.
Scott: I've been trying. I have been turned down every time. What should I say?
Gordon: Just tell him what you told me. I know that mending hurt feelings can be difficult, but it takes time. As long as you keep trying to bridge the gap, Mallard would eventually come around.
Scott: As for us?
Gordon: You are always welcome here. Even if you can't make it here and I can't make it to the NRM, we can always write letters. If you have any issues, please share them with me. I don't want you to feel like you are alone. Because you're not.
Scott(smiling): Thank you, big brother.
Gordon(smiling too): You're welcome.
(Everything goes silent).
Gordon: I'm so glad that you were able to come here. I'm glad that you were able to survive.
Scott(trying not to laugh): Even though I'm fat?
Gordon(smiling): You have always been on the heavier side. Besides you've been inactive for 10 years and have a slightly larger design. I myself, have been overhauled into an A3. But that doesn't matter, since it still makes my little brother. Even if you are now bigger than me. (He pokes Scott in the stomach).
Scott(laughing): Maybe now you should start calling me big brother.
Gordon: More like chubby brother. Besides, even if you become as active as me, you still like human food too much.
Scott: That's true, in fact back in my youth, the stewardesses would actually let me have whatever food they had left in the dining car. And let me tell you, nothing made me happier than finishing a hard days work eating those little tea sandwiches. Those big pastries they served were especially delightful.
Gordon: Careful Scott, I don't want your drool in my cab.
Scott: You know, Gordon, if you ever come to the NRM as a visitor, I'll treat you to my secret stash of snacks that I've been starting to build up.
Gordon: Only if you're willing to eat actual food when I treat you to some traditional British food.
Scott: Hey as long as it's food.
(They both laugh).
Scott: You know, I'm so glad that we're not talking as if we're strangers, but actual brothers.
Gordon: So it seems that after all these decades, we've finally managed to bury the hatchet.
Scott: Maybe now we can start having a friendly competition.
Gordon: I don't think so, seeing as how we'll both be 100 years in a few years.
Scott: As long as we can at least talk to each other like this, I couldn't think of anything better. Well there's food, but that's only a temporary happiness.
Gordon: I think so too. When are you going to have to go back to the Mainland?
Scott: I'm going to have to go back tomorrow morning.
(He yawns as he slumps over onto Gordon's shoulder).
Gordon: Are you ok, Scott?
Scott: Yes, I'm just tired. All of the emotional conversations we've been having were just exhausting. I'm still not at full strength to have a full workload yet.
Gordon: Well I'm sure it's late and I do have to take the express tomorrow. We should probably return to our engine forms.
Scott(falling asleep): Actually, I would rather stay right here. I'm way too tired to get out of this cab.
Gordon: Fine, then. We can just stay here.
Narrator: But before Gordon could get an answer, Scott fell asleep on his shoulder. Gordon realized that he couldn't wake him up. Minute by minute everyone started to fall asleep. Everyone except Gordon, who wanted to stay up looking at his younger brother rest.
Gordon(thoughts): I am so glad I got to have my brother back. Scott, I hope you'll be able to make peace with your past and mend your relationship with our cousin, Mallard. In the end, not of the things that we did in life are things that were all for nothing.
Narrator: And with that, Gordon fell happily to sleep.
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miqomischief · 6 months
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Well it's only been almost 2 years (whoops ahead of myself thinking it was 3) for Rulian but this was the first picture I ever took of him. I made him for myself as a Christmas gift in December 2021. I feel like rambling about that atm so below the cut for the entire tale of why he even exists.
SUPER long ramble...you've been warned.
As you can see and I've been really open about, Rulian started as my dress-up Aymeric alt.
There's a story about that though that I like to share, and I've shared it here before but not recently and it's easier to recap than find past posts about it. Thanks Tumblr.
Anyway:
I have been in love ooc with Aymeric since HW. As soon as he walked on the screen he walked away with my heart. He is exactly the perfect character to me, kind/noble/knight, elf, dark hair/blue eyes, great voice, wearing a lot of my favorite colors. Do you know how rare it is to find a character like him in media now? They are almost always corrupted or killed off in stories now because 'good guys are boring'.
Back then I was with a group that hated him and made fun of me liking him, didn't accept NPC shipping (I still get eyerolled/made fun of for that from one of my friends from that group but I ignore it). So while even back then in HW I wanted to ship someone with him (and that someone was always Bram)...I didn't. I kept it to myself.
Well, fast forward to Endwalker coming out. The way they billed Endwalker I was certain SE was going to go all G.R.R. Martin on the cast and trim the fat of the excess amount of characters they have at this point by killing a lot of people off. Because that's what's the typical solution to too many characters over time is, you just start killing them off in the story.
You might notice I made Rulian the same month Endwalker came out.
This is directly a result of me having a conversation with a good friend of mine I've known since ARR. I was bemoaning the fact that I was sure Aymeric was going to die in EW and it was going to ruin the entire game for me. They suggested that I make an Aymeric alt then, because then SE can't really take him away from me can they? I can just AU that, log him in to look at him, and ignore the canon like a lot of Haurchefant fans have to do.
I had been tempted since HW to do this, I just needed a friend to tell me it was okay because in the past people had laughed/made fun/gone that's so cringe LOL. (Which, don't do that to people, okay, all that does is make you a bully.)
So, originally he was only made to be my personal dress up Elezen in case Aymeric died in the canon.
I spent 6 hours looking at Aymeric pictures and getting Rulian as close as possible. He is AS CLOSE as you can get with the character creator (most people go for the older face when making Aym dress up alts but that just makes Aymeric look like the Archbishop to me - 25 years older than he's supposed to be, so I opted to make him look younger to avoid that association in my brain...and the younger face is smoother like his).
Well, turned out Aymeric was fine...he dodged the deathtothegoodguy trope again, for now. Thank the SE gods!
I was still having fun playing Rulian as Aymeric through EW though:
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And using him for epic screenshots since I don't use the forbidden tools and can't just make an Aymeric appear out of thin air otherwise.
Well, Bram was shipping with Xynal by then and we both share a great love for Aymeric. I don't remember how I found that out but I do remember specifically that Bram was having a conversation in character with Xynal about Aymeric because they had a picture of him hanging in the Afterlight and Bram had always found him handsome but had never gone to Ishgard. And Xynal had said something about knowing him/being close but things not happening or what not..I don't keep rp logs so I can't quote you.
Basically that evolved into me going ooc...well...I sort of have this Aymeric alt and I've always wanted to ship him with Bram...and we decided to give it a try.
Look as obsessed as I am with Aymeric, he's still hard to write. Even with my past of writing characters JUST LIKE HIM since I was 10 years old (Eryk, my first OC, is basically an older/more jaded version of Aymeric). I was still terrified to RP/write him but my RP partner is a good understanding sort that likes my writing and encouraged me to give it a try.
So I did. I tried a roleplay session with him as Aymeric and you know what we both had a lot of fun. So we kept doing it in private, and I meant for it to stay that way honestly. But I loved him so much, and their relationship so much, and him and Bram's dynamic so much I was like...well..I kind of want to roleplay him on a broader scale but I know I can't if he's Aymeric.
I'd been writing an entire novella of RP stories with Bram/Aymeric and Xynal over that summer as well that was mostly kept private at the time. MOST people don't like my interpretation of Aymeric. I'm a horror writer, I know he has to have mental/emotional trauma having lived through similar things myself, I wanted to explore that. I write gritty/darker Aymeric, he's still a soft gentle happy cinnamon roll but he struggles at times like everyone...and some fans of his don't want him to be anything but the perfect, supportive, rich happy ending that saves them and that's cool I get that fantasy too, I do.
Part of how I made Aymeric work with Bram is he made a 'secret identity' (Aerulian) to sneak out under, and his friends thought this was such a great idea they HELPED him make it one officially and it just spiraled from there. Because Aymeric has always been Elven Superman to me (look he has the blue eyes/dark hair, similar haircut to Clark, he wears the superman blue, he has the same personality/morales...okay...he's just elven knight version if you know both characters really well and compare them). So I thought it was amusing to give him a secret identity to give him an escape from his duty that way and let him grow into himself. Because, let's face it, Aymeric has always been what he has to be for Ishgard and he's selfless to a fault.
Well, when I decided I wanted to RP him publicly I did so as his identity we had created for him, Aerulian, and he would actively deny in public he was Aymeric because he wasn't then, he was Aerulian (and I wasn't going to roll up at my friends events as a Citystate Leader NPC, I allow them at mine but MOST people are not going to).
Well, then I got in with some Aymeric shippers who were not like the amazing ones I follow now and were...just strange. They got their friend group to goad me into posting my Aymeric writing publicly (with the intent to ridicule it because they were sure I couldn't write him). I got good feedback on it, which is not what they wanted, and then they decided well they'd come RP with my Aymeric at Glitter Hall as THEIR ship Aymeric (which, let's face it people, there's no way Aymeric AS Aymeric is going to be in Glitter Hall...not even I can make that happen..though Rulian did dress up as him last week for a minute ROFL). I did not know this, did not clear this with them, they didn't ask me OOC if it was okay, they were just super stalky creepy about it, but I liked their friends and I'm someone who has dealt with stalkers/creepers online for 30 years so I ignored it.
Well it ended up blowing up to the point where it was no longer worth it to us for him to be Aymeric in public RP in any capacity at that point. I hid my writing again, I made it very clear that Rulian was an OC only and not Aymeric anymore...and that was that.
Rulian isn't Aymeric anymore now. He's Rulian and he's grown in ways that I was able to do more freely because he's Rulian than I could've if he was just Aymeric. But I still write him as being able to be both for the most part, because that's fun for me.
I did end up unhiding my Aymeric writing on my writing website when I made it because it's a novella's worth of writing and I'm actually quite proud of it. But I don't advertise it and I try to avoid writing ACTUAL canon-like Aymeric anymore. I'll leave that to braver Aymeric shippers than I.
But he has brought me such joy over these two years. I've written so many GOOD stories with him. I have a relationship for Bram that I never thought I would have with him because Bram had HORRIBLE relationship luck. Everything about making him and giving it a try was great except for the creepy stalker Aymeric shipper trying to poo on my parade..but I didn't let them. Because I've learned by now to listen to my supporters and not my haters and not let someone who is jealous and hateful ruin my fun.
So find you friends like that, that enable you to have fun, that encourage you to follow things like this. The world is dark and hard, we all need hobbies/escapes and if something as simple as logging Rulian in to look at him for a few minutes or writing a story with him eases my stress so I don't have a RL stroke....what's it hurting really? Let people have their comforts.
And as always much respect and love to my RP partner who encourages me to continue on this fun path and makes writing Bram and Rulian even more of a delightful treat because they're an awesome writer too!
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ljsstories · 1 year
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Chapter Seven: Jensen
"Are you even listening to me Jensen???" Sitting staring into space as usual, Jensen let his manager drone on for the good part of half an hour. It had been two weeks since the girl he knew as Jane hurt him deeply and threw him out of her house. He thought back to that day with sadness and regret, even though she had been extremely cruel to him, Jensen stopped himself from doing something that would have changed her life forever. As Bryan Whitaker continued to ramble away to himself, Jensen closed his eyes and remembered standing outside a building that said Millport Police Station, he remembered his hurt transform into a burning, seething rage as he grabbed the door handle and was ready to hurt back. Something stopped him though, picturing that sweet girl with those huge blue eyes melted the hot lava of fury that was bubbling in his gut, he couldn't do it to her! Where was I when she took me? He thought to himself, I was about to take my own life! She saved me, she saved my life, she kept me fed and warm and safe...I can't do this! Jensen had turned around and wandered up the road until he arrived at a steep hill, at the bottom was a harbour and a bus taking passengers. Getting on that bus was something he had blocked from his memory, being on the ferry also was a blank, the first real tangible memory he had was when a blacked-out SUV picked him up on what Jane had referred to as the mainland, he had waited a while for someone to come and get him, he was lucky no one had recognised him, mind you he did look a little different. 
Security had thrown him into the vehicle and questioned him throughout the journey to the airport. Jensen didn't speak, the men in suits were frustrated and called who he guessed was Bryan. He had to sit around in a secure room for a few hours at the airport until Bryan showed his face clutching Jensen's passport. "Holy shit boy you have got A LOT of explaining to do!" Bryan had grunted as he threw his passport at him. "The jet leaves in half an hour, these guys here are gonna make sure you get on that fucking plane, no arguments! Thank God you're alive because if you weren't I was gonna fucking kill you!!!" That had made no sense whatsoever, Jensen remembered snorting out a laugh at that statement and seeing Bryan's face turn crimson with anger. The plane journey from Glasgow to Los Angeles was awkward, Bryan ranted at him over the state of his hotel room, how his Houdini act could actually work in their favour now that Jensen was alive and kicking, all he could think about while his manager lectured him was Jane. He missed her already, his belly began to rumble and he asked one of the stewardesses for some curly fries and a banana milkshake to Bryan's horror. "Jensen, you've chunked out a bit, maybe lay off the Elvis diet for a while until you get your old figure back huh? The ladies will not want to see you wobbling around the stage all porkified!" The stewardess frowned at Bryan, then looked at Jensen sympathetically and replied to him in a warm voice.
"Can I get you a water Mr Reed?" Jensen sighed and nodded, pressing his forehead to the glass window of the plane, back to being an object! This was not going to happen again! As Bryan continued to plan out how to capitalise on Jensen's ten-day disappearance, he cut into his diatribe with a stern tone of voice.
"Bry I'm gonna take a break, I'm stepping away from River Monster for a while, and before you try and bully me into burning myself out until I wanna kill myself again, forget it! This is non-negotiable! End of!" Bryan blinked several times and his chin hit every roll of fat on his neck as his mouth grew wider and wider.
"Jensen, look kiddo I would love to give you time off but...the truth is your little stunt has hurt the brand pretty badly! I had to cover up the fact that you were missing! I told the rest of the band that you'd taken a sabbatical because you'd fallen off the wagon, which by the way is not a lie, I know you've been drinking before you hit the stage Jensen and don't even try to deny it!"
"Yes to calm my nerves, I wouldn't dream of denying it, I did slip and you know that! You know I overdosed the night I took off! I'm lucky to be alive, I've had a huge wake-up call Bry and I need to step back from the band NOW!!!"
"Jensen, you are the face of River Monster! I can't afford to..."
"Oh you can't afford to? Really Bryan?" Jensen's eyes widened in disgust, "If you don't give me some time to recharge you will lose a hell of a lot more! You can't make money from a dead guy!"
"Well actually..." Jensen cut Bryan off with a glacial stare. "Look the point is you're contracted to make six albums; you have one more to make good on that deal or we're all completely fucked!" Jensen screwed his eyes shut and pinched the top of his nose, taking in three deep breaths before answering him.
"I am well aware of my contractual obligations, you'll get your sixth album Bryan, I'm a man of my word, but I need a break in order to give you the good stuff! I write down my feelings, and right now my feelings are burning in damnation! The fans don't want any more music to cut their wrists by! That's all I have left right now, but with time I can produce the best songs of my career, please give me a break!" Bryan shook his head slowly and put on a fake, sombre expression.
"Jensen, you had your break! Ten days of a break in fact! Let's get back to work!"
Sitting in his living room listening to Bryan now and thinking back to that conversation on the plane, he just didn't have the energy to argue with him, but he wasn't backing down. When he got back, Jensen had to confess almost everything to his mother Stephanie, almost everything! He couldn't get the picture of his heartbroken mother out of his head when he told her what he had attempted to do that night. He'd also said that he would eventually tell her exactly where he went and what happened to him during those ten days, but right now he just wasn't ready. He told her how he was struggling to control his addiction since he'd fallen off the wagon, but he hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since that night. Steph Reed intervened and told Bryan that if he didn't give her son a break, she would have him charged with involuntary manslaughter if anything happened to him. Listening to Bryan now, ranting about how this break of Jensen's was costing him a fortune, he knew that in his eyes two weeks was more than enough time, "...so just pull on your big girl panties and suck it up!" This particular statement made Jensen's blood boil.
"I'm on a break Bryan, remember?" Bryan's face was a dangerous shade of purple; however Jensen couldn't care less if he dropped down dead of a heart attack, it would be doing him a favour if he was honest.
"You've had two weeks on top of the ten days you disappeared, I've got a whole list of chat shows dying for you to come on and talk about the tour, it wouldn't hurt for you to bring up your last movie because I'm tellin' ya Jensen...you're definitely a shoo-in for another Oscar!"
"Bry!" Jensen sighed. Closing his eyes and throwing his head back in exasperation.
"Look kid, if you can't take the pressure then you shouldn't be in this business! You knew what you signed on for, you've been around long enough to know what the deal is and you can't afford to take any more time off!"
"You mean you can't afford it!" Jensen scoffed bitterly and looked out of his living room window. Here we go again, he thought to himself. He'd loved his house deep in the Hollywood hills, he'd finally found the right one after ten years of shifting around, but since his ten days on that Scottish island nothing seemed to satisfy him anymore.
"Jensen, I've worked my fingers to the bone for you and the band! I have gone above and beyond...when I saw your room that night, pills and empty bottles everywhere, I covered for you! I kept your disappearance on the down low, I even lied to your mother! Have you any idea how hard it is to pay off a group of maids and get them to sign an NDA so that your falling off the wagon didn't get out? I had them clean that room top to bottom, I had security outside making sure they didn't leave and alert the gossip rags! I had their phones taken away so they couldn't take pictures and sell them online! You have no idea..." Jensen shot up from his chair, his entire 6ft frame squaring up to his manager.
"AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING THE ONE ON THE FRONT LINE!!!" He yelled in his face, "Day after fucking day, being seen as an object and not a human being! Can you act like a human being just for one minute???"
"Now Jensen..." Bryan stammered and took several steps back; he'd seen Jensen angry before but not like this. "...y-you just take all the time you need and...well maybe go to the gym? You still haven't shifted any of those extra pounds, c'mon kiddo, remember your brand promotes clean living! I don't need your excess weight getting out as well as your little setback with the pills and booze. You're killin' me here kid, killin' me!" Bryan whined, he was sweating considerably and it was disgusting. He had a cheek to call anyone porkified! He was a fat, slobbery, red haired idiot! His belly was always hanging over his jeans like an apron and he was constantly pulling them up as if by some miracle they would suck all the fat inside them. He was criticising Jensen's weight??? He remembered his reunion with his mother, how she had wept happily at the sight of him. She had told him he had never looked so good, her beautiful boy, no longer stick thin and miserable but back to being her Jensen with his little chipmunk cheeks. She had pinched them and told him she loved him, there was no way Jensen was dieting or going to the gym! He was perfectly happy the way he was, besides his exercise routine during those ten days had done him a lot of good, all Bryan was commenting on was how his face had filled out, he had no idea what was underneath his shirt, and he looked pretty damn good if he did say so himself! "Kiddo..." Bryan began to speak again, wiping sweat from his brow with a handkerchief, "...just quit playin' around will ya? You know I have a heart condition!"
"I'm not playing around Bryan! Do you even know what happened to me that night? I was ambushed! No security to be seen anywhere! There were at least thirty of them Bry, thirty screaming girls found me that night during the private dinner! How is that even possible? It was supposed to be top secret! I'll bet it was Jonah and his big mouth, he probably leaked it...and where the fuck was my security detail? I was almost trampled to death if I hadn't...that's it! I'm gonna fire those sons of bitches right now!"
"No Jensen..."
"If they can't do their fucking job then what am I paying them for? Huh? Where's the number..." Bryan staggered towards him and gently pulled his phone from his hands, licking his lips nervously he looked down at the floor and let out a long, deep sigh.
"Jensen, I gave them the night off...it wasn't Jonah who leaked your location...it was me!" Bryan could hardly look him in the eyes, Jensen didn't know what to say, his breath got caught in his throat and he had to sit down. Slumped over trying to breathe, he thought back to that night, this was exactly how he felt when that stampede ambushed him. Jane saved him from that, she saved him from something his manager did! Bryan did this! How could he? What kind of sick son of a bitch would do that? He could have been injured, kidnapped, anything could have happened. At the time Jensen didn't grasp the irony of his thoughts but then his mind caught up, he could have been kidnapped by someone far worse than Jane! Bryan was mumbling away trying to justify his actions as Jensen calmly walked over to the door and pointed out to the hall.
"Get out, you're fired!" He exclaimed, almost a whisper, his whole body was trembling with rage. This was a step too far!
"Wh-Jensen, son..."
"I AM NOT YOUR SON!!! Get out now, I don't ever wanna see your face again! You and I are through!"
"You can't fire me without the consent of the rest of the band..."
"But I'm the face of River Monster Bryan!" Jensen smirked, using Bryan's own words against him, "I take it that means I can also be the voice of River Monster too! Get out of my sight!"
***
Explaining to Kris, TJ, Bradley and Jonah why he'd fired their manager was a mixed bag. Kris and TJ, the older band members, were disgusted by Bryan's actions and completely on his side. His brother and Bradley, the youngest band member at twenty-nine, didn't get why it was such a big deal. "So you got a little surprised bro, where's the fire?" Jonah had shrugged, as if being chased by a gang of screaming girls, while drugged up to the eyeballs and slightly drunk without any security around whatsoever, was just a slight inconvenience.
"Okay, so Bryan's gone..." Kris interrupted the two brothers as they began to argue, "...we need a new manager, so let's focus on that!"
"Actually..." Jensen raised a hand sheepishly as they all sat around the studio, "...I'm gonna take a step back and...um...well I've been writing!" The others all started talking over one another enthusiastically as he tried to finish what he was going to say. "Look, guys? Guys!!!" The other four stopped talking and looked over at him in confusion.
"What's up dude? You're writing again, that's great!" Bradley grinned happily at him.
"I want to step away from the band, I need some time to myself and...well we could all use a little R & R..." Jonah raised a hand to silence his older brother.
"So...you're leaving us? Is that it???" Jensen frowned and let out an exasperated sigh.
"No Jonah, I'm not...look we all need this! We have one last album on our contract, I intend to make it the best one yet but in order to do that...I need time! Can you guys gimme that? Please? Have I ever asked you for anything before?" The boys all shook their heads reluctantly, Jensen had always been there for them, there was no denying that. "I promise you, this is not the end of the band, but it will be the end of me if we don't take this hiatus and regroup!" Everyone but Jonah seemed to understand where he was coming from, especially Kris, who had been his best friend since kindergarten.
"Jensen, take as much time as you need my friend. I could do with spending more time with Nikki before she divorces my ass!" Kris and Nikki had been together since high school and were deeply in love. Nikki always wanted to have kids but because of the band they never got around to it, Jensen was hoping that this would maybe be a good time for them to start their family. Uncle Jensen, he liked the sound of that!
***
Immediately after he had informed the band that he was stepping away for a while, Jensen locked himself inside their private studio and continued to write. He'd already written a dozen songs and he wasn't even close to finished; every song had one particular theme in common...the girl Jane! Over the course of the next few months, the only person Jensen would speak to was his mother. She was the only one who knew he was working on a solo album; she was the only one who knew exactly where he was. His relationship with her had improved ever since he opened up to her about his suicide attempt, she was more attentive and she no longer made excuses for Jonah. Steph and Jensen's father Martin had divorced when he was six, his dad went on to re-marry and have two more children, two little girls, but his mother focused on raising him and his siblings. Martin rarely spent any time with Juliet, Jensen and Jonah, favouring his new family over them. Jonah took their dad leaving very badly, that's when he became unruly and difficult, then during his teens he followed Jensen down the dark path of drugs and alcohol. With the help of Steph, Jensen turned his life around and even managed to graduate from high school despite being expelled for setting fire to the gym during a basketball game. Steph had talked Mr Garrison, the principal, into letting him back in, he only had four months of his senior year left, she had argued that after those four months Mr Garrison never had to see Jensen ever again. She really did have a gift for persuading people to do things, that's why Jensen had always done as she asked by looking out for Jonah despite wanting to throttle him most of the time. As he sat surrounded by every song he had written since he came home from Scotland, he could hear his mother's footsteps approaching the room. She would often bring him his meals as he was camping out at the studio on a regular basis. She brought him banana milkshakes but he just couldn't find one that tasted like Jane's, what the heck did she put in them that made them so delicious? He could never figure it out. It was almost Thanksgiving, three months since he'd last seen Jane and his heart ached for her. He found it odd, there was a hole inside of him and he yearned to fill it, that was the name of one of his songs; The Hole, all about how Jane had left him incomplete. He felt something for her, he didn't understand what, but it was all consuming and overwhelming to him. Just as he was thinking about her again, the door handle turned and his mother entered the room.
***
Steph Reed would often visit her middle child, just to make sure he wasn't thinking of doing something dangerous again, the revelation that Jensen had tried to take his own life was a wake up call for her. She no longer appealed to him to make allowances for his younger brother, she saw him in a completely different light. She wanted to know where he had gone during those ten days he went missing, but she was waiting for him to tell her in his own time. As she entered the studio with some vegan sushi for her boy, he was sitting crossed legged on the floor, a pen in his mouth and another behind his ear, strumming his guitar looking down at wads and wads of paper on the ground. "Hey baby, time to eat!" She called to him cheerily.
"Yeah!" He mumbled and scribbled down something on one of the pieces of paper.
"You're busy again today! I got you a banana milkshake like you asked, this time from the little diner round the corner!"
"Cool, love those!" He placed his guitar on the floor and jumped to his feet in one swift movement, approaching his mother he grabbed the milkshake and box of sushi with a wink in her direction. "Thanks mom, I'm starving!" She laughed softly to herself, it was refreshing to see him with an appetite for once. Watching him devour the food and slurp down the milkshake, she took in his new appearance. His sweet little face was no longer gaunt, the dark circles around his eyes were gone and he seemed to have so much more energy. Her beautiful boy, he was back! "So..." Jensen mumbled with a mouthful of food, "...I'm just about ready to record, do you think Kenny would produce my album for me?"
"I don't see why not!" Steph shrugged, Kenny Warren had produced four of River Monster's albums, he was a personal friend of Bryan Whitaker's though. However Jensen and Kenny had a good relationship, so there was a chance that he could get onboard.
"Well..." Jensen continued with another mouthful of food; wow did this boy love his food now! "...he always did have a little thing for you mom, maybe you could persuade him for me?" He raised his eyebrows a few times suggestively and gulped down more of his milkshake.
"Jensen Alexander Reed! What a thing to say! Pimping out your own mother!" She giggled youthfully and tucked a strand of her shoulder length greying brown hair behind her ear. Then she mumbled, "I'll think about it!" Jensen threw the sushi box and milkshake carton in the trash and kissed his mother on the cheek.
"Love you momma!" Steph felt her cheeks glow hearing him tell her he loved her, it had been a long time since she'd heard him say that. Yes, her boy was definitely back!
***
Christmas arrived quicker than Jensen had expected, the cat was now out of the bag and Jonah had found out that his older brother was working on a debut solo album. He was quick to tell the rest of the members of River Monster and for a couple of weeks Bradley wouldn't speak to Jensen, TJ was slightly cool with him and Kris was disappointed with him for keeping secrets but happy for him regardless. Jonah was giving him a really hard time and to everyone's surprise Steph defended Jensen and reprimanded Jonah for being an asshole, her exact words. Juliet couldn't understand why their mother was coddling Jensen all of a sudden. Now that it was basically common knowledge that Jensen was recording his album, the studio was no longer his Fortress of Solitude and people would come and go on a regular basis.
On Christmas Eve, Jensen was sitting at his desk, working on his most important song yet entitled simply Jane, when his sister came for an impromptu visit. "Hey little brother, how's it going?" She greeted him cheerily, what did she want? She had her long brown hair gathered into a messy bun on the top of her head, all three of the Reed siblings looked alike and had brown hair and blue eyes like their mother. Like Jensen, Juliet and Jonah were of slim build too. If you saw all three of them standing together in a crowd you would know immediately that they were related.
"Hey, what's up?" Juliet looked at him as if he'd said something insulting and widened her eyes in surprise. Jensen turned to his music and waited for her to answer him.
"Does there need to be something up for me to come and visit my cute little bro?"
"Yes." Jensen replied flatly.
"Okay, you got me. I just wanna know what the deal is between you and mom, all of a sudden you're her number one baby, what gives?" Jensen continued to scribble notes on his song, not even looking up to acknowledge his older sister.
"She's just looking out for me, that's all!" He shrugged, from the corner of his eye he could see Juliet's frustrated expression, it gave him a small hint of satisfaction.
"Jensen come on! What is going on?" When he didn't answer she added a poignant sentence that seemed to lack the required emotion, "I'm worried about you baby brother!" He thought about telling her the truth for a moment but knowing her she would just go running to Jonah and it would be out in no time. "I love you Jensen, if there's anything you wanna tell me..."
"No not really!" Still he didn't look up from his work.
"I mean, no matter what, you're still my flesh and blood!" Jensen wanted to laugh, all these years she had doted on Jonah, he could do no wrong, while she turned her nose up at him. She didn't care about him, all she cared about was not being in on a family secret. She continued to bombard him with questions until he couldn't take any more and he blurted out the truth.
"I tried to kill myself, okay???" He looked over at her then and he was shocked to see the exact same expression on her face as their mother's when he had told her. "Now will you leave me to finish this? I would really like to have the day off on Christmas Day!" He looked back down at the song and read the words jumping out at him on the paper. Jane was never far from his mind. There was a long silence, Juliet didn't say anything, but as he listened closer, he could hear her crying. He turned around to see tears running down her face. "Oh c'mon sis, don't..." Before he could finish what he was saying she raced over to him and threw herself into his arms.
"Jensy-wensy!" She sobbed in his ear, squeezing him so tightly he struggled to breathe. All of a sudden she pulled back and stared intensely into his eyes, "Tell me everything, I'm here...I'm here for you sweetie! Talk to me!" Jensen's mouth fell open as he tried to form words, but he was so taken aback by her reaction that it was difficult to form a coherent sentence. "Why didn't you say anything?" Her eyes still interrogated him, damp and puffy, as Jensen chose his words carefully.
"I'm good now, I promise. I won't try it again; I had a long period of reflection and I swear to you I'm fine!" He rubbed her shoulders affectionately and returned her gaze.
"Jensy why?" Juliet's voice cracked as she asked him the all-important question.
"I was...drowning and I couldn't see a way out. It doesn't matter now Jules I'm fine!"
"I've always loved you, I've always been there for you, you do know that...right?" No he didn't, she always loved Jonah, that was a given. If she had ever loved him then she hid it very well.
"Not really Jules, no! You have always favoured Jonah! I've just never been enough; I've always been the one you ignored!"
"No! No!" She shook her head so swiftly that the bun on the top of her head wobbled like a plate of jelly. "Is that what you think?"
"Yes, because it's true! From the moment I was born you've hated me..." Juliet interrupted him and grabbed hold of his hands, squeezing tightly.
"No Jensy, no! Jonah just needed me more, you have always had it together, and when you didn't you always bounced back. Jonah is incapable of independence; he can't go it on his own...not like you!" What a crock of shit, Jensen thought to himself, he was forced to go it alone because no one wanted him the way they wanted Jonah.
"Jules that's bullshit! I needed you too, I was always so independent because I had to be! You've always resented the fact that I exist, I'm just an inconvenience to you! You and Jonah have always had that special bond...I've just been left to go it alone!" Juliet wept and continued to shake her head wildly, denying everything that Jensen was saying.
"Don't say that Jensy you're breaking my heart..."
"And you've broken mine since the day I was born!" Jensen snapped back at his sister who at that moment looked completely devastated. Had she really no idea how she behaved towards him his whole life? Didn't she realise that her loving Jonah more made Jensen go it alone most of the time? Always sticking up for Jonah in every situation, beating up the bullies and blowing on the skinned knees, comforting their baby brother when he had a nightmare while Jensen just had to suck it up and get over it.
"Jensen, I've always loved you! We're family! All you had to do was come to me, that's all you ever had to do but no...little Jensen never needed anyone! Jonah was always so needy, I helped mom feed and dress him, I took him to school holding his hand because he was scared to go in all by himself while you hopped and skipped through the gates without a care in the world! You could dress yourself; you could stand on a chair and get the cookies and chips from the cupboards no problem! Jensen you were a loner, you were always a loner! You never needed anyone, you would go off into the woods with Kris and climb trees, come home covered in dirt and blood and not even bat an eye! You were the strong one, out of the three of us you were the one who had it all together! Now you tell me that you tried to end your own life, how do you think that makes me feel as your big sister?"
"Ohhhh, how does that make you feel??? What about ME???" Juliet shook her head, tears streaming down her face.
"No Jensen, that's not what I mean I...you never let anyone in! Not even Hayley!" Juliet's mention of Hayley made Jensen's blood boil; he pointed a finger at her with fury in his blue eyes.
"Don't you dare, don't you FUCKING DARE!!!"
"It's true Jensen, you push everyone away, even mom! I wanted to be your big sister but you wouldn't let me! Jonah wanted the cuddles and the kisses and the fuss, you didn't!"
"That's because I knew you hated me! Come on, admit it Jules, you loved being an only child and then I came along and the attention was no longer solely on you! I took something from you and you never forgave me for it, isn't that right?"
"No Jensen you're wrong! When you were born, I loved you so much! I used to hold you in my arms and sing to you, mom would let me push your stroller into town and I'd tell people you were my baby!" Juliet sniffed back a few tears and gently took hold of his hands, looking deeply into his eyes, she continued. "I even changed some of your diapers, I was three years old and I wanted to do everything for you, my baby brother! Mom would hand me your bottle and you would grab hold of it with your tiny hands and I'd just watch you, those big eyes staring back at me as you sucked on your bottle, the little noises you would make you...you were adorable!" Jensen looked at his sister, like she was an alien from another planet. This was all new to him, she had never told him any of this. "When Jonah was born, it was you who turned away from me! You were getting bigger, you were starting to walk and babble to yourself, you wouldn't even look at Jonah when he was a baby. You threw my love for you in my face, so I focused on our baby brother because you didn't wanna be my baby brother anymore. You'd outgrown me...and I was devastated!" Juliet's voice became a whisper when she said those last words as Jensen continued to stare at this person who looked like his sister...but sounded nothing like her. "There has always been enough love for both of you, if I'm being completely honest I...Jonah has always been a poor substitute for you in my life, I...it's always been you Jensy! I tried to recreate what I had with you with Jonah and it never worked! I've always yearned for us to be close again, I've waited for you to come to me and say that you need me and you love me and I'm worthy of being your sister again! I've waited thirty years for you to come back to me...and you never did!"
"But...you're always sticking up for him, you're always fussing over him! Why..."
"Jonah needed me; he always needs me! He's useless, he can't think for himself! Hell he can't even breathe without assistance! You're different, you're resilient, you're smart and talented and beautiful! You're everything he's not, including way too self-sufficient! You shut people out, Jonah shares...well he overshares and he tells me everything that bothers him, then he looks at me and expects me to fix it. You never talk to me, you tell me nothing, you keep me at arm's length all the time! It hurts Jensy, you hurt me with your silence!" Juliet wept and buried her head in his chest, "I love you Jensen, so much, you're the one I had a connection with! Then you cut the cord like I meant nothing to you, you hurt me, but all you had to do was say the word and I'd come running! Even now, I'll come running, I'm here!" Jensen wrapped his arms around his sister and felt the hot tears run down his face. Was she lying? She didn't seem to be, she seemed genuinely heartbroken.
"Jules I...I had no idea! I just thought you loved him more!"
"I love you more Jensy, you're my favourite! Jonah's a jerk, but you're a sweet boy, you always have been! I just wanted you to let me in, give me a tiny crumb, a small piece of you. I've waited my whole life!" She squeezed him harder, trying desperately to connect with him, he squeezed back and rested his stubbly chin on her head.
"Jules I...I...I love you too!" Everything she had just said, he was not expecting her to react in this way. He was her favourite? Well she hid that one well. As he was going over their conversation in his head and rubbing Juliet's back affectionately, she started talking again.
"So how's the album going?"
"Um, yeah good! Just putting the finishing touches to the most important song and then Kenny's gonna come in and produce it."
"You actually got him to say yes?" Juliet giggled inside his brotherly embrace.
"Yeah, what do you mean?"
"Oh it's just...he goes back a long way with slimy Bry, but you always did have a way of charming anyone. My cute little bro!" She escaped his hold and began tickling him, like she did when he was being cheeky as a child. Jensen let out an involuntary laugh and tried to fold his arms around his body to protect himself, but Juliet was determined. "I love hearing you laugh Jensy!" She suddenly stopped, sighed happily and looked deeply into his eyes. "Tell me the truth! Are you really okay now?"
"Yes, I'm okay. It's taken a while but...I'm enjoying work, I'm enjoying life! Honestly Jules, I won't ever try that again! I promise!"
By the New Year, Jensen was recording his songs and he'd been nominated for multiple awards for Best Actor, this was his second Oscar nomination except last time he was the supporting actor. Some more good news was that Kenny Warren turned out to be a bigger fan of his than he was of old pal Bryan Whitaker, in fact he hated him. He'd told Jensen that River Monster should have kicked him to the kerb years ago and that it was very brave of him to stand up to him alone. Normally Bryan would seek revenge and sabotage anything his former clients did, but because the band were taking a break and hadn't replaced him, there was nothing to destroy just yet. Jensen was having a great time in the studio hearing his creations finally come to life. There was one song that he had planned to record completely acapella, it was a bold move but he felt that it didn't need any backing music at all. He was excited to hear the whole album once it was finished, he hadn't been this excited about an album in years and he loved feeling this way. By February, he was over halfway through awards season and he had won every award he was nominated for so far. He took his sister to the Golden Globes and he was planning on taking both her and his mother to the Academy Awards. If he was truly honest he wasn't all that bothered about winning all of these trophies, he attended these ceremonies for his family, he hoped that Juliet might meet someone at an after-party and finally be happy, although he would have to grill them for an obscene amount of time before he would even let them breathe next to her, whoever his sister ended up with had to be good enough for her, in fact they would have to walk on fucking water! Jensen had become extremely over-protective since his heart-to-heart with Juliet, he only wanted the best for her. Winning his second Academy Award should have meant the world to him, but Jensen just felt numb. He made a simple speech, thanking everyone who was important to him, in fact he barely remembered what he had said then he took his Oscar and went through the motions of being interviewed and photographed by the press backstage. He went to the Vanity Fair party for Juliet, there were a few celebrities she wanted to meet, but after that he headed home. He wasn't in the partying mood; besides he had an album to finish! After awards season was over, early March saw Jensen retreat into the studio once again and remain there until he was completely happy and satisfied with his solo album. The only people he spent any time with were his mother, sister and Kenny the producer. He designed his album cover with Juliet, she took the photo and they edited it together, working with her had been fun. His relationship with Jonah however was strained, Jensen didn't care, this was far more important!
By early July it was done, he had a small gathering of people he trusted round at his house to listen to it. His mother, sister and two of his bandmates were the first people to hear the album in full. Jensen had decided not to invite Jonah and Bradley, things were kind of strained with both of them and the last thing he needed was one of them criticising his work. Once they had heard the whole thing, it was Juliet who was the first person to say something. With tears in her eyes she held her arms open and tilted her head to the side, "Jensy it's amazing!" She sniffled as he walked into her outstretched arms for a hug. His mother echoed her daughter's sentiments as did Kris and TJ. His album was a hit among his family and friends, that was good enough for him.
"It's a little...different from our stuff but it's pretty awesome Jensen!" TJ patted him on the back and gave him a thumbs up.
"Yeah it's...just how I was feeling at the time, y'know?" TJ nodded in agreement, although it was a slight step back from the rock sound that River Monster favoured, his mother had said that it fitted him perfectly as a solo artist.
"I don't know Jensen, it's just...very you!" She had gushed, Steph was immensely proud of her son and she wasn't afraid to show it. There was only one more person he wanted to give his album to, Jane the Scottish girl. He was planning on visiting her, he knew where that cottage was and he was rather excited to see her again. She had said some cruel things the last time he saw her, but that didn't matter to him anymore, he wanted her to hear what she had helped him create...he wanted to see Jane again.
⏮️Previous/Next⏭️
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mwagneto · 3 years
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oh you *know* im doing it right when my father tells me im not eating enough
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minouyujis · 2 years
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i love the idea of dad toji.
nothing thats meant to be kinky or sinful at all, just plain out platonic and loving.
he had met you when you were basically six years old, stranded and lost in the woods when he had been busy fighting his enemies. with fat globs of tears running down your eyes you begged him for help, you didn't know what had happened to your mommy or your daddy and they had left you alone for the last few days.
oh yeah, did i mention this was mafia!toji we're talking about?
you had been the missing child that everyone has been on search for, and he had felt terrible to know that you weren't aware of your parents being murdered in the exact area the both of you were standing in.
megumi would be about, i wanna stay four years older than you atleast? maybe three, it would just be nice for him to play the older brother part even if he has no choice but to do so.
mama fushiguro would still be gone, but that doesn't mean toji and megumi split apart. i imagine toji to still be here throughout the rest of megumis life only because you're apart of their family now.
"daddy," you spoke to toji at seven years old, watching him grab the steak off of his plate. "you have to wash your hands first before we eat, 'member? that's what teacher tells me to do every time we eat lunch and go to recess!"
"ah, that's right. sorry princess, daddy's just so hungry."
you and megumi were the only thing keeping him going. i do imagine him having to hire a babysitter because as going along with the plot, he can be a deadbeat sometimes but now that he had added another child into his life at least he was trying to put some effort into it.
he'd give up every now and then, but hey. this is literally toji we're talking about.
after all, it was never easy being one of the biggest underground bosses in tokyo.
megumi would be hesitant at first to accept you as his new little sister. first of all, the both of you did not look anything like each other so whenever people would ask you guys how you were related, it'd irritate him. he hated nosey people and the attention that you attracted.
but that didn't mean he wouldn't beat up your bullies for you. he had his own ways of caring, and that had been one of them.
you feel like toji has been the best daddy ever. you can't remember what life was like with your biological parents anymore due to how much happiness he gives you now.
toji makes sure to tuck you in extra when you're feeling sick, and he stays home that day from his duties, leaving his co-partner in charge for the day, whom we all know as gojo.
you remember your eleventh birthday. toji got you a kitty cat that day, and you've taken care of it ever since. it was your source of entertainment and happiness whenever your adoptive family wasn't around. this was also the time that megumi had started transitioning into high school, so the two of you weren't as close anymore.
he takes you and megumi to your dentist and doctors appointments. megumi seems to be in perfect condition, and as for you.. some work has got to be done on your teeth. so your stuck with braces. it's okay though! dad thinks you still look beautiful no matter what. whenever you like to roast megumi out of a basic sibling bonding, he uses your teeth as a snarky remark. it shuts you up.
"you still call your dad... daddy? you're such a freak!"
"why do you make it so weird? just leave me alone..."
yeah. ever since megumi's distance, the bullies never left you alone. you never found it in you to fight back, for christ sake you're a fushiguro! how hard was it to be just like your older brother and your dad? they were always so strong.
you never thought much about it until your daddy found you crying after coming home from school that day. toji's business meeting was finished earlier than expected, so seeing him home this early was not what you had in mind. as soon as he spots your teary eyes, your hairclips in different directions, bruises on your knees and your clothes all dirty as if someone shoved you into mud, he's pissed.
"how come you've been keeping this from me, princess? you're being bullied at school?"
"because 'gumi would help me, 'gumi would always protect me!"
"damnit girl, you can't just let this happen and not tell me! hurry up, we're going back to your school."
pulling up to your school was more embarrassing than being picked on, as you would tell yourself. after tugging on your arm with toji forcing you to point to which group of boys that did this, it wasn't too long until they had stopped picking on you for good.
lets do another timeskip, shall we?
maybe about... two years later. you're now thirteen and megumi is seventeen pushing eighteen. he's going to be going off to college soon with all of the scholarships he had applied to.
you guys are still close. megumi now drives, so it helps toji out a lot when he comes to pick you up from school. your friends aren't even your friends, they just like standing next to you after the bell ends because they think "your brother is cute". you get grossed out and tell them to leave him alone.
i like to think that toji finally finds it in him to remarry. this is when tsumiki and her mother steps in. toji priorities them alot more now that it starts to concern you. it's not like they would take your dad away from you, right?
tsumiki is pretty. it feels nice to have an older sister as well, she's taught you many things about womanhood. you barely see your stepmom, dad and her are always put working together. you still don't know what daddy does till this day. he puts off telling you.
you'd like to think it would be great getting closer to tsumiki, but it seems like she's only busy trying to get close with megumi. maybe because they're literally the exact same age and it's easier for them to understand each other? you get jealous. megumi had never been this easy with you the way he was with your guys new sister.
this makes you sad. as time goes by quicker, the years go by faster. your family feels like it's falling apart. dad and stepmom are never home anymore and megumi and tsumiki moved out, both being in college.
you're left alone with kitty. so you call dad.
".....hello?"
"dad? when are you coming home? i miss you."
"i'll be home soon, kid. busy with work. don't call me back, i'll text you when i'm finished."
"....okay. i love you daddy."
".......i love you more, princess."
you believed it up until dad and step mom both leave the three of your lives without any explanation.
your heart drops. you were only fifteen years old when your family had left your life, once again.
dad didn't pick up your calls anymore. your messages would not deliver, and the color bubble turned green. it was either he had turned off his phone or he simply blocked you. you couldn't contact gojo either; no one was answering. not even gumi. the only person who had been considerate enough throughout this process was tsumiki.
up until she had fell into a tragic coma.
you don't understand what's going on. why is this happening? what did you do to deserve this?
you missed dad. he would take you out to eat at two am if you were caught going through the fridge. he would always check up on how you were doing in school, if the bullies were back and if you were making new friends.
why did he have to go?
why did he leave you and your siblings to fend for yourselves? you were so hurt. you felt belittled.
and so when you left the hospital your sister had been staying in, playing your last kiss on her forehead that you had ever given her, it had been time for revenge.
you didn't know where you were going or where you were headed off too, but you were tired.
tired of abandonment. tired of being ashamed.
tired of being a fushiguro.
and so you said goodbye to tokyo, leaving behind everything you had found so hard to let go of.
especially your daddy.
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a/n: kinda want to make a part two to this, idk.
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kyovtani · 3 years
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𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 – 𝒊𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒛𝒖𝒎𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒋𝒊𝒎𝒆
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࿏ pairing: iwaizumi hajime x chubby female reader ࿏ genre: fluff, smut, angst; best friends to lovers!AU ࿏ word count: 11.6k (at this point i have no explanation, im sorry) ࿏ warnings: swearing, mentions of body image issues, self doubts, anxiety, bullying, fat shaming; as well as violence and blood (iwa gets into a fight mwah); ddlg (daddy dom-little girl) dynamics, soft dom!iwa, body worship, praising, sugarcoated degradation, spitting, choking, fingering, face riding, unprotected sex
࿏ Summary: After four years of trying to get over your stupid crush on your best friend, said male finally comes back home and all of a sudden all of those plans are thrown overboard...
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Even though you‘ve known about it for so long now, you still feel your heart skip a beat when Matsukawa mentions his return to Japan and no matter how hard you try to, you can‘t help the way the disgusting mixture of anxiety, nervousness and excitement starts filling your veins.
After all it‘s been literal years since you‘ve last seen him.
Iwaizumi Hajime, former Seijoh Ace, now freshly majored athletic trainer, your best friend of ten years and — love of your life.
However, of course he doesn‘t know about the latter and as pathetic as it may sound, you‘re quite proud of yourself for hiding your feelings for him so well that he hasn‘t suspected anything in all these years the two of you have been friends.
Of course it‘s painful and basically nothing but literal torture to watch the guy you‘ve lost your heart to years ago, move on with his life thinking he‘s nothing but a friend to you, but you know you‘d always choose this pain over the one of rejection and shame.
Because after all you‘re not his type or what he looks for in a partner and you're very much aware of it.
And no matter how many times you daydream about a life as his girlfriend, you won’t ever forget about the fact that Iwaizumi Hajime, basically a literal athlete, would never date someone who looked like you.
Growing up on the bigger side, physically wise, has always been difficult and something you're struggling with to this day. You had always hoped for those extra pounds to disappear once you hit puberty, just like it had happened to all of your friends but those hopes were quickly destroyed when you still found yourself hiding from full length mirrors to avoid having to look at your own body in your third year of High School.
By the time you turned eighteen, you had tried every kind of diet in hopes of losing weight but all of them just ended with you losing motivation and every bit of your happiness and even though you still struggle with it in your mid-twenties, you‘ve come to terms with it.
This is who you are and despite taking literal decades to realize it, you‘ve slowly but surely started accepting it.
However, when it comes to relationships, you‘ve given up completely.
After years and years of being rejected, hidden, fat shamed and disrespected by men who hated their own attraction to bigger women, you stopped wasting your time and energy on dating. If you wanted to hear someone shame you for being big, you could just go home to your family or back in your memory to remember all those mean things the skinny girls in your school had thrown at you.
Or you could just look in the mirror and let your brain do the job after eating literally anything.
Just thinking about a guy like Iwaizumi looking at you in that way has you chuckling coldly and every time you imagine confessing to him, it ends with a broken heart on your side because your brain loves to keep things realistic and never once have you considered the possibility of him liking you back.
It‘s not that Iwaizumi, or any of the Seijoh Volleyball boys, have treated you badly or even slightly differently in the three years you were their manager, but after having to deal with fat shaming your whole life, it has become quite difficult for you to believe that anyone found you attractive at all.
Especially people like the widely known Seijoh third years who also happen to – still – be your closest friends.
And unfortunately, as glad as you are that Iwaizumi remains rather oblivious to your year-long crush on him, the other boys, including the professional athlete to be, Oikawa Tōru who’s currently living his best life in Argentina are pretty much aware of your feelings for the trainer.
So, just as usual whenever the topic of Iwaizumi Hajime enters the conversation between the other two, you’re met with pitying stares from Takahiro and a lot of teasing coming from Issei. But at this point you’ve gotten quite used to it and don’t mind the brunette’s words, whereas you still find yourself growing absolutely annoyed at the way Makki stared at you.
“Stop staring at me like that, Hiro!”, you hiss and roll your eyes, the pity in his face so evident, if you didn’t know any better you’d think he’s mocking you.
“Just confess to him already!”, the strawberryblonde hisses, running one of his pale hands through his locks before he takes a big sip from his beer.
“Yeah, sure!”, you spit back, your words dripping in sarcasm and annoyance as you try to avoid your chest from growing even heavier at the thought of your best friend coming back after all those years.
“He broke up with that blondie months ago”, Matsukawa begins, his naturally sleepy gaze roaming your face attentively, “and he’s coming back to Japan. Now you really have no excuse left, Y/N”, and just as usual his words hit the right spot and all you can do is let out a shaky sigh before the intensity of your insecurities breaks down onto you like a huge wave.
“I‘m not his type, Mattsun”, you hiss, the bitter taste of reality coating the muscle of your tongue in the worst way possible, “and I‘ve had enough males reject and– or fat shame me. If I have to add Hajime to that list as well, it’s going to break me.”
You feel the two males’ soft gazes on you, whereas you can‘t help but focus on the napkin in between your fingers in hopes of distracting yourself from all those dark thoughts by nervously pulling at it.
“Iwa‘s not like that, Y/N”, Makki replies, brows furrowed in irritation; something you've grown quite used to seeing whenever the topic of your body image issues occured.
“Has he ever dated a big girl before, hm?”, you reply and look at him with arched brows and your lips pressed into a thin line. At the lack of response from the two men in front of you, you just lean back and nod.
“That‘s the point”, you take another deep, shaky breath; the tears threatening to spill from your glossy eyes at the thought of your pretty faced best friend and only men in your heart, “nobody likes women who look like me in that certain way, my loves. Every guy I‘ve been and slept with wanted to hide me or the relationship we had because they didn‘t want to be seen with a big girl.”
Suddenly you‘re hit with the memory of all those times you went home after any kind of intercourse with a male who had brought your hopes up with sugarcoated lies. Only to receive a harsh reality check when they asked you to not tell anyone about it, knowing it‘s simply because of the fact you aren‘t part of society‘s beauty standards.
“Y/N, we-”, “I‘m not talking about you two”, you‘re quick to interrupt Hanamaki, giving him a soft smile, “I know you don‘t care about it and sometimes I find myself wishing I would have fallen for one of you instead of the professional trainer”, you let out an empty, coldhearted chuckle before you finish your glass of wine in one go.
“I would fuck you without hesitation”, Mattsun shrugs, his plump lips stretching into a playful smirk and the tiny hint of seriousness in his gaze has you rolling your eyes with a soft scoff.
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Issei”, Makki hisses and gives his best friend the same reaction as you.
“What? I‘m being serious! You know this isn‘t the first time I‘m offering this to you, pretty one”, the brunette replies and this time you can‘t help but chuckle softly at his words, showing him your appreciation for his ability to make such heavy topics vanish from the surface so easily.
“Thank you, Issei but that guy I met on Tinder has been ghosting me for two weeks after we fucked and that‘s why I‘ve had enough dick for now”, and just when you let your gaze roam over the brunette‘s handsome face, you watch Hanamaki‘s face brighten up suddenly and furrow your brows in confusion.
“Hearing Y/N talk about dick is definitely not what I was expecting to come back to but it‘s surely a surprise!”
And upon hearing the familiar voice of your best friend, you understand the reason behind the change in Makki’s expression.
You watch the other two get up from their chairs, approaching the freshly majored trainer with the biggest smiles plastered on their faces whereas you try your best to stay as calm as possible.
However, the simple thought of Iwaizumi coming back had already stressed you out and having him stand behind you in all his glory made the tightness in your chest and the struggle to take proper breaths intensify just like that.
After what feels like an eternity you finally get yourself to stand up as well, turning around literally convinced you‘re ready to see him again after all these years only for it to be the exact opposite.
Your heart skips a whole beat at the sight of Iwaizumi and for a quick second you feel yourself getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen in your lungs.
“Hey”, he mumbles, his voice deep and raspy, something you‘re used to since the two of you have been talking regularly on the phone over the time yet hearing it in person again sends a jolt of hot arousal right into your core.
You nervously let your eyes roam his face; taking in the sight of his features, which have become even sharper during his absence. A soft sigh falls past your lips when you find the little scar right underneath his eyebrow which he had gotten back in middle school during one of his volleyball practices. The familiarity and feeling of security in the soft expression of his pretty, dark green eyes calms you down in an instant and by the time you feel your muscles ease up a bit, he‘s already approaching you with open arms.
Different than you’ve expected from yourself, you‘re quick to wrap your arms around his slim waist, taking him into your embrace with the intention of never letting him go again and at the feeling of his big hands on your body, you can‘t help but tear up a little.
You sniffle softly against the crook of his neck, Iwaizumi letting out a breathy chuckle at your sweet reaction as he caresses your back gently, subconsciously massaging your soft flesh to calm you down even more.
“Seems like someone missed me a lot more than she wanted to admit on the phone, hm?”, Iwa mumbles softly, placing the sweetest kiss on the top of your head as he holds you tight.
Matsukawa and Hanamaki let out a row of deep chuckles, partly laughing at your obvious reaction and partly because of their best friend‘s blatant oblivion.
“Shut up”, you reply with a sniff, taking in the light yet intense smell of his aftershave as well as the scent of detergent you had missed oh so much.
“Enough now, Y/N”, Mattsun huffs, “you can cuddle his stupid ass some other time, let‘s catch up with Mister America”, he adds and you know too well the tall brunette simply does it to stop you from falling even further into this dark hole you‘ve dug yourself; all those years ago.
Throughout the whole night, you stay rather quiet; listening to Iwaizumi‘s stories, more so to his voice but definitely his stories, too.
And every time he mentions some random girl he hooked up with or one of his ex girlfriends, you can literally feel the way he‘s avoiding your gaze; his eyes moving away from your face to focus on the guys as his voice turns a little less enthusiastic. You try your best not to read anything into it, knowing he‘s always been more hesitant towards you when it came to topics like this and in some way you find yourself appreciating it because it definitely helps to make the pain in your chest a little less heavy.
The atmosphere between the four of you remains calm; the familiarity something you‘ve always missed despite you and the other two boys spending just as much time together as you used to back in High School. Having Iwaizumi in your little circle again definitely has changed the air and it‘s in times like these you realize just how close you all actually are.
However, when Hanamaki and Matsukawa both stand up, cigarettes firmly placed between their plump lips, telling the two of you to give them a few minutes, you feel yourself slowly wandering into a state of anxiousness and slight panic.
It‘s not like you haven‘t talked to him alone during his stay in America, but the thought of having to look him in the eyes as you speak has always been something you‘ve struggled with.
Iwaizumi has this certain expression in his beautiful, dark green eyes, which makes it so much harder to not fall for him even more.
You don‘t know if it‘s the confidence and lack of insecurity or the mixture of softness and home which have the butterflies in your stomach go absolutely crazy.
Neither of you say anything for a good minute, your eyes glued to your phone screen which continuously lights up; Oikawa‘s name appearing several times.
You excuse yourself to give the professional athlete the responses he‘s waiting for, rolling your eyes at his way of telling you to shoot your shot at Iwa and “get that D”.
“Are you still talking to that one guy you told me about?”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his eyes never once leaving yours and with a soft chuckle, you shake your head; enjoying the amount of protectiveness dripping from his words.
“We fucked and then he ghosted me”, you say casually, not realizing that it‘s not one of the other two boys you‘re talking to and with a soft gasp of embarrassment you try to mumble your way out of the situation.
“Iwa, I‘m-”, “Why the fuck would he even do that? Give me his fucking address so I can introduve his kneecaps to my baseball bat”, he‘s quick to interrupt you harshly, his tone filled with anger as his eyes gleam with wrath.
“It‘s okay”, you smile softly, placing your hand on his balled fists to calm him down again, “he told me not to tell anyone that we did it so his intentions have never been good. And on top of that – his dick game was so bad, I didn‘t even get to finish but had to take care of it myself, so it‘s definitely not worth the headache.”
You watch Iwaizumi‘s expression darken even further, his beautiful dark green eyes roaming your face with irritation oozing from his gaze and for a second you like to believe that there‘s even a hint of jealousy in between all those intense emotions but just as usual you find yourself shaking it off rather quickly.
“Why did he ask you not to tell anyone? What the fuck is even wrong with that guy?”, the brunette spits, downing the rest of his beer in one go.
You know why he‘s this angry and at this point you can’t even blame him anymore. Iwaizumi has never really understood why you put up with guys who treated you like absolute shit; continuously telling you how you deserved so much better and even though you wanted to agree, you simply couldn‘t. Because in your head, all those men who were ashamed of being with you yet still found their way to your door were exactly what was meant to be your life.
“Because being with a woman like me isn‘t anything he‘s proud of, Iwa”, you sigh, the words heavy and bitter on your tongue as you struggle to voice the hard reality.
“A woman like you?”, he replies and you see the genuine confusion on his handsome face, making his oblivion sweet almost.
“A big woman, Iwaizumi. Guys don‘t date big girls because we don‘t fit into society‘s beauty standards so being with us is something they‘re ashamed of because God forbid someone thinks they find us attractive“, you nervously play with the hem of your skirt, not having the courage to look into his face as those thing leave your lips, too embarrassed to meet his usually so welcoming and soft, but now wrath-filled gaze.
“That‘s bullshit”, Hajime is quick to spit back, hating the way you belittle yourself like that because of a random guy.
You smile, a soft scoff falling past your lips before you take a sip from the glass in front of you and even though you know you‘re going to regret those words, you still can‘t get yourself to stop from leaving you.
“Then why have you never dated a big girl, Haji?”, your voice is slightly shaky yet you remain the eye contact like a champion, never once averting your gaze from his handsome face even though the thrumming of your heart in your throat makes it so much more difficult to stay focused.
Iwaizumi seems taken aback; your words obviously hitting a place he wasn‘t expecting and that‘s when the feeling of guilt reaches its peak.
“I‘m not- It‘s not because I don‘t find them attractive I just- I uhm-”, the freshly majored professional trainer stumbles over his words like a two-year-old who just started learning how to speak and at the sight of a deep blush covering the apples of his cheeks as well as the tip of his nose and the whole of his neck, you let out a soft sigh.
“You don‘t have to explain yourself, Iwaizumi. I wasn‘t trying to accuse you of anything or offend you in any way, I promise. It’s just a topic I‘ve grown really tired of in the past few years”, you explain, making sure to choose your words carefully and when the tall male suddenly starts calming down again, you know you‘ve got him.
“Y/N, look-”, “Hey, Y/N the weak-dick-game guy is sitting at the bar with his ugly friends, just for your information”, Matsukawa‘s deep voice quickly cuts Iwaizumi off, his words sending shivers down your spine in the most disgusting way possible and with an almost painful roll of your eyes, you down the rest of your best friend‘s beer.
“Wait- What? Which one is it?”, Iwaizumi grunts, the calmness from a few seconds ago completely gone as you look at him with brows furrowed in slight irritation and annoyance.
“It doesn‘t matter, Iwa”, you say and wrap your fingers around his tattooed wrist, making him look into your eyes with another soft exhale, “he‘s not worth it. Just let it go.”
“Y/N, I said”, Iwaizumi is quick to place one of his big hands on your cheek, the dominance in his aura and the authority gleaming in his eyes has you gasping for air and just as usual you feel your panties growing wetter by the minute, “which one is it?”
His words don‘t leave room for protest; so strict and demanding, no matter how hard you try to think rationally, his naturally dominant persona has you submitting to him in a way no other guy has ever managed to.
“T-The one with the long, dark purple Hair”, you quickly reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s anger and determination.
“Good girl”, he mumbles and pulls away, not even aware of the way his praise has your cunt throbbing like crazy and you absolutely hate him for it.
For a second you can‘t even get back to reality, the haze of arousal and longing for the tall male standing in front of you completely taking over your consciousness.
However, as soon as your brain registers Makki‘s panicked voice, you‘re quick to snap back and without missing another beat, you grab Iwaizumi‘s arm and look at him with pleading eyes.
“Please don‘t make a scene”, you whisper, knowing oh too well how much he loves to get himself in trouble because of his friends.
“He fucked then ghosted you all that while saying he doesn‘t want anyone to know he was with you because you're a big girl? That ugly fucker needs a fucking reality check because he can count himself hella fucking lucky to ever get a go with a woman as amazing and hot as you”, Iwaizumi hisses, his words filled with anger yet so, so sweet that without giving it another thought, you simply let go and try not to show him just how flustered he‘s gotten you.
“Are you guys about to kiss right now?”, Matsukawa suddenly says and with an almost audible roll of your eyes you lift your hand up, showing him your middle finger before you watch Iwaizumi‘s brows furrow even further with visible irritation.
“Then don‘t fight him”, you sigh, “please, Hajime, don‘t get yourself in trouble for a guy who‘s not worth it.”
“We‘ll see about it”, is all he says before he moves out of your tight grip, leaving you to stand at the table like that.
You feel your heart picking up its pace at the sight of the love of your life approaching your ex-hook up; several worst case scenarios popping up in your head within a few short seconds. And unfortunately every single one ends with Hajime throwing his fist into the guy‘s face because of his raging anger issues; something he‘s been trying to handle throughout his whole life.
“Makki, please do something”, you whimper and look at the strawberryblonde with glossy eyes; shivers running down your spine at the sudden sound of Hajime's deep voice cutting through the music of the bar.
“Not into you my fucking ass”, Takahiro hisses and follows Iwaizumi with quick steps, whereas Matsukawa remains next to you, watching the scene unfold with the fattest, shit eating grin on his face.
And while you‘re worried about Iwaizumi‘s well-being, said male can‘t even seem to think straight. The only thing he manages to focus on is the raging anger and hot wrath rushing through his veins at the thought of some random, small dicked guy treating you like dirt. With every step he takes, it seems to get worse and at some point the professional trainer is worried about his physical health because of the pace his heart is hammering against his rib cage with.
Iwaizumi has always struggled to understand why you put up with males who are literally unworthy of your presence yet every time he had asked, you simply shrugged and told him that this was how you were meant to be loved. Behind closed doors, hidden away from the world by people who literally worship the society‘s beauty standard.
And all of that when you‘ve had him right in front of you for all those years, ready to love and worship every bit of your body and soul.
Of course for you to let him love you he might have had to tell you about his feelings but as the years passed by, Iwaizumi slowly started to lose every bit of hope he had left. During his four year long absence you‘ve had your fair share of boyfriends and after the third one, the only choice he had left was to force himself to move on or else he would have lost his mind.
It‘s not like he never wanted to confess during High School but there was just something holding him back. The thought of losing you was heavy on his chest especially because Iwaizumi was very well aware you didn‘t feel the same. So for his own sake he chose not to tell you about his feelings for you; not even bearing the mental image of going through such rough times without you by his side.
He‘s already lost count of the amount of times he wanted to scream at you about how he would treat you just how you truly deserved to be treated and not like those douchebags who liked to use you for their own pleasure just to throw you away like a used tissue once they were done.
And after not being able to physically do anything for you because of the distance, he‘s finally got the chance to show you that no, those guys‘ behavior is not okay and yes, putting them back into their place is absolutely worth the headache.
“Hey”, the trainer hisses, coming to stand directly in front of the tall, purple haired guy, Rin Matsuoka,  who‘s quick to harden his expression upon seeing the brunette.
“What can I help you with, big guy?”, Rin mumbles, placing his bottle of beer on the counter with his brows raised in curiosity.
Iwaizumi doesn‘t even waste another minute as he harshly grabs the collar of Rin‘sblack leather jacket, pulling him closer to himself. His friends  rather quickly, yet Hanamaki and this time even Matsukawa are faster, coming to stand right next to each one of them with their arms firmly placed in front of their bodies to stop them from intervening.
“You‘re gonna listen to me and you‘re gonna listen good, did you fucking hear me?”, and just like a few minutes ago, Hajime‘s voice is cold and distant, not leaving room for discussion all while making sure to keep his tight grip.
The confusion and immense irritation is clearly visible on Rin‘s features; brows furrowed, jaw tensed and eyes gleaming with some kind of unnameable anger.
And the longer you watch the situation unfold, the heavier the anxiety in your system becomes and as you struggle to take proper breaths, you find yourself approaching your best friends; not wanting him to get his hands dirty on a guy like Matsuoka.
“What the-”, “Iwa please, he‘s not worth it..”, you say and wrap your fingers around his wrist, trying to find his gaze with desperate eyes only for him to gulp harshly and calmly tell you to take a step back.
“You?”, Rin spits, his dark eyes boring into your side as you try to ignore him; the amount of humiliation and shame washing over your body way too overwhelming to handle.
“Haji, let‘s just go, please”, you whisper, taking his face into your hands, his skin literally burning underneath your fingertips.
“No, Y/N, this stupid bastard has to understand that you can‘t just go and treat women like absolute dirt and get away with it”, Iwaizumi moves out of your soft touch, making Rin shift his attention back on you before the deep voice of one of his friends cuts through the tension.
“What the fuck is he talking about, Rin? Do you know her?”, the blonde says, his tone rather degrading when talking about you and at the way his eyes roam your body with a rather opposed expression show you exactly why that‘s the case.
“N-No, I don‘t!”, he‘s quick to defend himself, his eyes shifting to his friends with sheer panic filling the dark color and you feel your heart sink and the disgusting feeling of shame rushing through your veins.
“You‘re such a fucking piece of shit, Rin”, you hiss and swallow your tears; the taste bitter as the realization of being sometjing to be ashamed of hits you yet again.
“You definitely weren‘t acting like this when you fucked me”, you add and roll your eyes, taking a step back as the anger overcomes you and you basically give Iwaizumi a silent free pass to do whatever the hell he needs to, “or better said – when you tried to. It wasn‘t like I came with your weak dick game anyway so..”
“You fucked that fat bitch? Oh, yikes”, the other friend suddenly says, his words hitting you in the face like literal bricks and before you can even take your next breath or shift your eyes to the face the voice belongs to, the guy suddenly falls to the floor, holding his bloody nose.
You let out a shocked gasp, your eyes falling to Hanamaki who‘s busy shaking his hand, his knuckles already reddened and slightly bruised as he looks at you with a satisfied grin, “no one gets to call my best friend a bitch.”
“I was full on drunk and- do you really think I‘d fuck her sober?”, Rin tries to talk himself out of it and with a cold chuckle you throw your head back.
“How the fuck dare you talk to her like that”, is the last thing Iwaizumi spits before he throws his fist right into Rin‘s face with a deep grunt.
Another loud shriek escapes your lips and suddenly the anger and anxiety seem to leave your body and a huge wave of adrenaline hits you at the sight of your ex-hook up falling to the floor and Iwaizumi quickly moving with him.
For what feels like a whole hour but is probably nothing longer than a minute, you‘re literally frozen; your eyes the only moving part of your body as you watch your best friends break their knuckles on the jaws of literal strangers to them.
The following hour passes by in a blur. You can‘t really remember how or who separated them from those guys, or how you got yourself to call an uber and manage to get the four of you to your flat.
By the time the adrenaline stops making the blood rush in your ear, you‘re taking care of Matsukawa‘s wounds with shaky hands; the two others holding ice packs to their faces to ease the swelling of their bruises.
“Stop sighing so much”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his dark eyes focusing the movements of your hands before he looks at you with a slightly softer expression, “we did what we had to do. And I‘m glad we did it. Those guys already looked so fucking punchable”, he explains and with a scolding scoff you press your lips to a thin line.
“You‘re back in Japan for how long? Two days? Yet already got yourself in trouble, a physical fight at that, Hajime. You‘re not your High School self anymore, start behaving that way, please”, you reply and hand Mattsun a plastic bag filled with ice cubes, softly caressing his bruised cheek before you stand up from your place on the floor.
“You got yourself one hell of a mouth while I was gone,  huh?”, he replies cockily, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue before he follows you into the bathroom.
You feel your body heating up at his words, the sexual tension laying underneath the surface slowly finding its way to you again and with a soft sigh, you ignore the brunette.
“How was I supposed to let him say all those things to you and not do anything, Y/N?”, Iwaizumi replies, a pouty word of gratitude leaving his lips when you take his big hand into yours and start cleaning up the blood on his bruised knuckles.
You try your best to stop your thoughts from wandering to sinful places yet images of those pretty, tattooed fingers wrapped around your throat and knuckle deep buried inside of your cunt have already filled your mind by the time you lower your gaze from his face.
“I‘m used to-”, “That does not make it okay, Y/N”, your best friend suddenly says, taking your chin in between his fingers to lift your head and look at you with those beautiful, dark green eyes.
“You deserve so, so much better and I‘m glad I can finally tell you this in person after all those years. Please stop letting douches like him take advantage of you”, he sighs, taking your hands into his and pulling you a little bit closer to himself.
“It‘s that or Matsukawa‘s cock and I‘d rather have a stranger emotionally pain me than my best friend, so-”, “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”, Iwaizumi interrupts you harshly, your words obviously irritating him.
“After my last boyfriend dumped me a year ago I‘ve only had casual flings because I got tired of using my hand to get off and Matsukawa offered to take care of it instead. But then again, it‘s just a lot less complicated with a stranger than it is with your best friend, that‘s why I‘m putting up with shit like this”, you explain to him and walk back into the living room where Mattsun and Makki are currently busy with your leftover take out from the previous night.
“So if it wasn‘t for that, you‘d let him fuck you?”, Iwaizumi‘s tone has turned cold again, the softness gone and replaced by something a little thicker and more intense than anger. And when you turn around to look at him, you see literal jealousy gleaming in the green color surrounding his iris, basically leaving you speechless.
“Why do you even care, Iwa?”, you reply, dramatically throwing your hands into the air as his tensed demeanor sends you in some kind of haze of irritation.
“Answer my fucking question, Y/N”, is all you get in response; the brunette closing the distance between the two of you with a few small steps and it‘s the lack of space between your faces that has you realizing just how unevenly he‘s breathing.
Your heart starts slamming against your rib cage with rather brutal pace, your head spinning from the sudden adrenaline shooting through your body and on top of all of it you feel your cunt clenching around nothing like crazy as Iwaizumi’s heavy scent fills your nose.
“Yes”, you say and feel your voice breaking, “yes, I would fuck Matsukawa because why not? Hm, Iwaizumi? There‘s nothing else stopping me from it other than-”, “You can‘t and won‘t fuck him”, he suddenly interrupts your outburst, his expression as dark as ever as he softly pushes you against wall.
“I think this is the moment where we‘re supposed to leave”, Makki mumbles, pulling Mattsun from the couch before they gather their things and leave the two of you to yourself.
As the silence surrounds the two of you, the tension grows even thicker, heavier, more present than before and with every breath you take you feel yourself growing more and more aroused.
“And why is that, hm? I can and will fuck whoever I want”, you spit back, trying so hard ot not let the arousal get to your head yet the disgusting urge to submit to Iwaizumi‘s naturally dominant personality slowly starts overwhelming you.
Hajime chuckles deeply, his eyes lazily roaming your face, pressing his strong body even further against yours as your head starts spinning more and more with every second passing by.
“Iwa…”, you whimper softly, throwing your head back and harshly digging gripping the soft fabric of his shirt; the close contact makes you a lot more nervous than before.
He slowly takes a deep breath before he bends down to let his nose graze your jawline, and eventually letting his mouth find its way to your ear.
“Because no one can fuck you like I can, pretty one”, Iwaizumi whispers, his voice a whole octave deeper than just a few seconds before and you hate the way every single one of his words sends a single, hot jolt of arousal right into your core.
“And”, you hear him inhale sharply, his hands finding their way to your hips, groping the soft flesh firmly in his palms before he takes a short break and then pulls away to look at you again, “no one can love you like I can.”
At the sound of those words, your eyes snap open within a second your heart skips a literal beat.
“W-What?”, you whisper, your throat completely dried up, your head desperately trying to process what he’s just said and just as your body is about to fall into some kind of haze, you feel yourself drowning in a wave of anxiety at the thought of having misheard him.
“I love you, Y/N”, Iwaizumi says just when those thoughts are about to take over you.
“Ha-Hajime…”, you mumble; your bottom lip starts to quiver as tears pricker at the corners of your eyes, the first few finding their way down your cheek in an instant.
A few seconds of silence pass in which you two just look at each other, Iwaizumi’s pupils blown out, cheeks tinted in the deepest shade of red and plump lips parted as he also tries to understand what just happened.
After all these years of imagining what it might be like to hear these kind of words from the love of your life, it’s finally become reality and the longer you look at him, the lighter the weight on your chest becomes.
“I’m sorry if I ruined our friendship with this but I just – couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. When I was in America I had promised myself to confess as soon as possible when I’m back so here I am. Those men don’t deserve you. Neither do I but I would have hated myself forever if I didn’t at least try. So”, he finishes his sudden explanation with another deep exhale before he takes a step back, his glossy eyes wandering from yours down to the floor, “thank you for everything and please take care.”
And fortunately your body acts a lot faster than your mind because while you still try to process his soft, sweet words – the words you’ve been dying to hear for so, so long – you find yourself tightening your grip on his shirt and pulling him back into you with a soft sob.
“I love you, too”, you whisper against his lips, pressing your forehead against his as your eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming warmth coming from his body.
“Fuck, baby”, Iwaizumi chuckles breathlessly, wrapping his arms around your body and burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I’m one lucky bastard, aren’t I?”
You smile brightly at his genuine and soft words, the feeling of coming home – a place you’ve longed for literal years – slowly breaks down onto you in the form of waves and for the first time in a really long time, you don’t mind being overwhelmed like that.
“So that means that you’re mine now?”, Iwaizumi whispers, pulling away and taking your face into his big hands, the smell of blood grazing your nose yet easily gets overshadowed by the way he’s looking at you as if you were holding the whole world in your hands.
You nod and move further into his touch, enjoying the feeling of being so safe and secure in one’s hands after not even feeling comfortable with anyone in years.
“T-Thank you for loving me, Iwa”, you gulp harshly, looking at him with teary eyes at the memory of all those who had managed to break your heart in the past years.
“No, baby”, he sighs, pressing the softest kiss right onto your lips, “thank you for letting me love you. When I say you’re literally everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I’m not even exaggerating because that’s what you are to me. A dream come true”, those are the last words Hajime mumbles before he pulls you into a proper kiss; not giving you the opportunity to reply.
The kiss starts off slow and calm. As if both of you were still trying to understand that this was actually happening because despite the hesitant movements, neither of you can hide the intense hunger lingering underneath every soft peck.
Iwaizumi, just as usual, lacks the patience to keep it going like that, not even trying to take it easier for even longer as he pulls your chin down and calmly pushes his tongue into your mouth, easily eliciting a soft moan from you. Your fingers find home in his brown curls, pulling at the thick strands and finally making him grunt right against your tongue; the deep sound sending vibrations and sweet little jolts of excitement through your whole body.
You slowly feel his hands wander; first starting off caressing your back, groping the soft flesh of your waist as well as the fingers of his right hand softly digging into your skin and for a second. You allow yourself to fall deeper and deeper into the perfect feeling of his touch until suddenly a mental image of his most recent ex-girlfriend pops up in your head and you stop functioning completely.
Iwaizumi lets his lips wander down your chin, placing a row of open mouthed kisses on your jaw before he moves to your neck and pulls the sensitive skin into his mouth without wasting another minute. The feeling of his hot tongue on your skin has your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you desperately try to distract yourself from your anxiety‘s attempt to ruin this for you.
You let out a soft whimper when Hajime wraps one of his big hands around one of your tits, harshly groping the flesh while rubbing his hard, clothed cock against your thick thigh.
His deep grunts and needy touches have you ruining your panties in no time to the point where the lacey fabric is literally sticking to your hot flesh in a rather uncomfortable way.
“Need you, baby”, Iwaizumi grunts, the movements of his hips rather sloppy and rushed yet so, so genuine and sweet, you can‘t help but smile softly.
“You got me, Haji”, you reply and take his handsome face into your hands, caressing his cheeks with your thumbs, “I‘m all yours.”
“Fuck, baby”, he moans and suddenly pulls away, his hands finding their way to the hem of your dress before he meets your eyes and wordlessly asks for your consent.
You give him a quick nod, pushing the voice of your anxiety all the way to the back of your head as Hajime slowly pushes the fabric up your thighs, revealing more and more skin before his eyes roll into the back of his eyes at the sight of your black lace panties.
He doesn‘t waste much time; quickly pulling the rest of it over your head and then taking a whole step back to let his greedy eyes roam your body with lust and nothing but adoration.
And when you realize your current, exposed state you take a deep breath to hold those insecurities back, however they‘re a lot faster than you are.
You nervously try to cover your naked body with your arms. Just the thought of him finding you and your body disgusting breaks your heart into pieces and with shivers of shame rushing down your spine, you lower your gaze.
“L-Look, I know it‘s not what you‘re used to and I- you don‘t have to touch me. I can just suck your cock or give you a handjob if you feel more comfortable that way”, you say, your voice a mere whisper and eventually breaking at the end when you give in to the tears.
“Baby…”, Iwaizumi sighs, pain evident in the tone of his voice. He calmly takes your wrists into his big hands before he pulls your arms away from your body, softly asking you to look at him and after what feels like an eternity, you manage to lift your head only to be met with nothing but warm, dark green eyes.
“You‘re fucking perfect”, he whispers and places a tiny little kiss on your lips, leaving you longing for more as he pulls away right afterwards, “there‘s literally nothing I would change about you.”
At the sound of those sweet words, you simply cannot hold back your tears any longer. You look at Iwaizumi with a quivering bottom lip as you let out a row of soft sobs; digging your nails into the skin of his wrists because you simply don‘t know what else to do.
For the first time in your life, your brain isn‘t protesting against a compliment and you know if it wasn‘t for him, there would be no way you‘d believe it.
“B-But your ex-girlfriends are the exact opposite and-”, “They don‘t matter, baby. You‘re you and it‘s all I could have asked for. I‘m in love with every part of your body and that has never been any different”, Iwaizumi interrupts you with his calm voice, placing his hands on your waist before one of them finds its way to your barely clothed ass.
“But-”, “No more buts”, the brunette says, a lot sterner and more determined, groping the flesh of your ass and then landing a firm spank on the soft flesh which has you whimpering into the crook of his neck.
Iwaizumi chuckles and pulls you into another deep kiss, sucking at your tongue, nibbling on your bottom lip all while his hands make sure to graze every bit of naked skin they can find. He pushes his leg in between your thighs, pressing it right against your cunt and without even wasting another second you find yourself grinding against the strong muscle. The fabric of his jeans rubs your throbbing clit in the best way possible, eliciting a row of needy whimpers from you.
You feel yourself soaking through the fabric of our lace panties and you know you‘re currently leaving a huge stain on Iwaizumi‘s pants but the pleasure clouding your mind makes it so easy to just ignore it.
“What a needy girl you are, baby”, Hajime mumbles, caressing the slightly dampened skin of cheeks with his thumb before he moves to graze your bottom lip and eventually pushes the digit into your open mouth.
Your lids fly open at the taste of his skin on your tongue, twirling the muscle around his thumb and then sucking on it softly, followed by some muffled moans of his name.
Iwaizumi watches you attentively for what feels like an eternity. His beautiful eyes wandering from the way you‘re rubbing your clunt against his clothed thigh to your perky nipples and then up to the way your lips look wrapped around his thumb like that and from the way his expression keeps growing darker and even hungrier, you know he‘s more than just enjoying your despair.
“I want to spit in your mouth”, he says, using the dominant tone you‘re oh so used to at this point and there‘s no way you‘d ever say no to him.
Something about being claimed in such a lewd way by the man you‘ve been dreaming of for years has you grinding your pussy into his thigh even harder; making sure to hit your clit with every rushed drag of your hips.
“Yes, p-please, Daddy”, you beg, not even overthinking any of your words as you part your lips and look at him with big, needy eyes.
When you notice the rather shocked and slightly overwhelmed expression on Iwaizumi‘s face, you gulp harshly, tilting your head to the side with your lips pushed into a concerned pout.
“What‘s wrong, Iwa?”, you whisper, way too scared of his response.
“You called me Daddy”, he replies and licks his plump lips, whereas you freeze completely at his comment.
“D-Did I? I‘m so sorry, Iwa”, the apology falls past your lips almost instantly at the realization because you know that not every guy is comfortable with such dynamic and even if Hajime definitely has a natural dominance to his personality, you should have waited a little longer before bringing this particular kink up.
“None of my boyfriends liked it and I don‘t like using it with completely strangers so I g-guess I just feel really safe with you and it slipped and I- oh, God, I‘m so sorry.”
You pull away from Iwaizumi with shaky hands, tears threatening to spill for the nth time within such a short period and you try your best to look everywhere but his eyes.
However, Iwaizumis seems to have other plans.
He takes your chin into his hand and pulls your face closer, nudges your nose with his own and then sucks your bottom lip into his mouth; making you whimper rather loudly.
“Say it again, baby”, he whispers, “tell Daddy how badly you want his spit.”
As his words echo inside of your brain, you let out a loud, high pitched whine, harshly trying to press your thigh further together ss the throbbing of your cunt becomes unbearable.
“Please, Daddy”, you reply, pushing his hand down to your neck and smiling softly when he wraps his pretty fingers around your throat, feeding right into every single fantasy you‘ve been imagining for so long, “spit in my mouth and on my cunt, I don‘t care. I just need it.”
“Good girl”, Iwa growls softly, “open up then, pretty one.”
You part your lips almost automatically at the sound of his demand, sticking your tongue out slightly and looking up at him with anticipation and such eagerness, if it wasn‘t for him, you would have never been as comfortable as this.
Iwaizumi smirks at you, keeping his grip on your throat firm but not too tight as he gathers his own saliva and spits into your mouth with a loud, lewd sound that sends shivers of pleasure straight down your spine and right into your core.
You can‘t stop your lips from stretching into a big smile when his taste coats the muscle of your tongue, swallowing it all in one go before you open your mouth yet again to show him it‘s all gone.
“Good fucking girl”, Iwaizumi praises you softly, caressing your cheek before he lets fo of your throat, “I got myself a perfect little doll, hm?”
“Thank you, Daddy”, you reply quickly, the intense urge to obey to his every word and submit to his every move absolutely overwhelming  at this point, but you would never want it any other way.
“Look at you, using your manners for me. You‘re welcome, princess. What about a little reward for being so good for me, baby? Wanna sit on my face so I can eat that pretty pussy of yours?”, Iwaizumi takes you hand into his, intertwining his fingers with yours before he guides you to the couch, letting himself fall into the soft cushion whereas you try your best not to panic at his words.
Of course the thought of having his mouth on your cunt is more than just tempting but you've never sat on a guy‘s face before; the fear of literally suffocating him with your weight making it impossible for you to even think about it.
“C-Can‘t you just eat me out like this, Daddy?”, you whisper, looking down to meet Iwa‘s hungry gaze and stopping him from pulling your panties any further down your thighs.
“I‘m too heavy”, the explanation follows right away, not wanting him to think it has anything to do with him or his wishes, “I don‘t want to hurt you.”
“Baby, I want you to sit on my face so I can eat your pretty pussy. That‘s it”, Iwaizumi says, his right hand finding the clasp of your bra and quickly getting rid of it before he takes both of your tits into his big hands; toying with your nipples and attentively watching the way your gasps grow louder with every pull on the perky buds, “you don‘t have to if you don‘t want to but don‘t you dare worry about me because this has been a dream of mine for literal years. Oh, how badly I want to be squished by those pretty, thick thighs of yours – you have no idea.”
“I want to! It’s just that I’ve never done this before. A-Are you sure? Please don‘t think you have to want this to make me feel better, I‘m okay with whatever you‘re comfortable with”, you whisper, not trusting your voice when you suddenly feel Iwaizumi‘s fingers tracing patterns on the inside of your thighs.
“Enough of this, pretty one”, his words are accompanied by a firm spank on your naked ass cheek; the pain of the sting leaving your pussy a spasming mess and with a soft moan you tighten your grip in his hair, “now sit on my face or I won’t fuck you.”
“N-No! Daddy, I‘m sorry, I promise I‘ll be good”, you whine quickly letting go of him so he can lay on his back only for Iwaizumi to get rid of his black shirt; revealing his strong, well trained body and all those dark lines adorning his tanned skin to your hungry eyes.
It takes you a few good seconds to gain enough confidence to actually spread your legs over his face, your whole body shaking with nervousness. But once Iwaizumi wraps his strong arms around your thighs and pulls your body even further down to his face, you slowly start easing up.
The feeling of his hot breath fanning against the wet flesh of your cunt sends goosebumps down your back. And the sight of his pretty face between your thick thighs, something you‘ve always been so insecure about, seems to slowly take a place as one of your favorite images to ever exist.
“Look me in the eyes, baby”, Iwaizumi mumbles and sucks at the skin of your inner thigh, his tongue on your skin making more and more juices gush out of your already drenched cunt as you allow yourself to meet his hungry gaze.
And just when your eyes meet, Iwaizumi sticks his tongue out and licks a long stripe over the hor flesh of your pussy before he gently pulls your little clit into his mouth and starts sucking on it.
You let out a loud groan; the sudden stimulation on your needy clit sending literal shock waves of pleasure through your body and without even realizing you slowly grind yourself further against his mouth.
Iwaizumi moans into your flesh, the deep bass of his voice sending vibrations right into your core, making your cunt clench even harder around nothing and if it wasn‘t for the intensity of his stare, you would have looked away already. Yet just as usual, there‘s something about the way he looks at you which has you feeling at literal ease – even in such a situation.
“Come on, baby”, Iwaizumi suddenly grunts, letting go of the sensitive bud with a loud sound before placing an open mouthed kiss on your clit and landing a harsh spank on your ash which has your body jolting in antica, “don’t be shy now. Ride my face like the good girl you are, make me proud…”, he adds softly, his words encouraging you easily and with a sound of affirmation, you start grinding your hips to meet the hot muscle of his tongue.
The following minutes are filled with loud slurping noises, high pitched moans and deep grunts as well as more words of affirmation and encouragement all while Iwaizumi continues to switch between thrusting his tongue into your tight hole and sucking on your clit before he eventually starts fingerfucking you with two of his thick digits.
You can't help but throw your head back at the immense amount of pleasure; your body and mind slowly reaching a point of complete haze as you lose yourself in the feeling of his touch.
And by the time you finally feel the taste of your high coating the tip of your tongue, your grip on Iwaizumi‘s hair tightens and a row of loud, choked out begs fall past your bit swollen lips.
“Look at your greedy little pussy clenching around my fingers like that”, Iwa chuckles deeply, picking up the pace of his thrusts as he keeps his mouth way too close to your throbbing little clit, “and those pretty begs. Gosh, baby, you‘re going to drive me insane.”
“S-So close, Daddy”, you choke out, your eyes flying open when you feel a third finger joining the two inside of your tight cunt, the pain of the stretch in combination with the pleasure of your upcoming high making your head spin.
“There we go, that‘s my baby”, he takes a deep breath and starts kneading the soft flesh of your ass in his palms, “want you to cum all over my fucking face. Show me what a good fucking girl you are.”
And those are the last words your brain manages to register before you feel the first wave of your orgasm hit you. Your sight turns pitch black and then white for a good second, your whole body tensing up at the feeling of coil in your core finally snapping.
Your thighs are shaking, your breath continuously hitching as you desperately try to regain your composure and if it wasn‘t for Iwaizumi‘s touch on your sensitive pussy, you‘d stay in the beautiful haze of your orgasm.
“You came so hard for me, baby”, Iwaizumi grins and pushes his fingers into his mouth before you finally find enough energy to get off of his face.
“W-Want more”, you whisper, your voice raspy and breathy as you tell him your request; low-key scared of being too greedy yet at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s eyes sparkling with excitement, you know he‘s not one to deny you anything. He‘s never been, after all.
“How about we move this to your bedroom, baby? I‘ve been dying to press your face into the mattress and ruin that little pussy of yours.” You feel a jolt of excitement blooming inside your chest at his words, nodding eagerly before you reach for his hand and guide him down the hall to your bedroom.
“Do you want me to suck you off?”, you say when the two of you come to stand in your room, your eyes focusing on the huge bulge in his pants, which manages to scare you slightly with its impressive size.
You always knew your best friend wasn‘t on the smaller side when it came to size yet you still can‘t hide just how surprised you are by its actual size. And suddenly the three fingers make a lot more sense to you.
“Let‘s save that for another time, pretty one. I‘ve been dreaming about pumping your cute little hole full of my cum for way too long. I can‘t wait any longer”, Iwaizumi replies and finally starts unbuckling his belt.
You take the few seconds he‘s busy to let your eyes admire the beauty of his perfectly sculpted body. You follow the dark lines of his chest tattoo, take in the sight of his stone hard abs and veiny arms as you press your thighs even more together to ease some of the pressure on your cunt.
“Are you done eyefucking me, pretty one?”, Iwaizumi suddenly chuckles, casually pushing his jeans as well as his boxer briefs down his meaty thighs and exposing his hard cock for your hungry eyes to devour.
He wraps his pretty fingers around his throbbing length, the tip an angry shade of red as precum continues to leak out; making your mouth water at the mere thought of having him in your mouth.
“Everything about you is so pretty”, you sigh and look into his eyes, the genuine appreciation in the green surrounding his iris making your heart grow warmer before he comes to stand in front of you in all of his glory.
“I love you so much”, Iwaizumi replies calmly, taking your face into his big hands before he places the softest kiss on your forehead.
“I love you, too”, you mumble and get up, pressing your lips against his and sighing into his mouth when he pushes his tongue past your lips without missing a beat.
Just when Iwaizumi starts letting his hands wander over your naked body, he halts his movements and pulls away slightly, “my pretty little baby, make sure to face the mirror so you can watch while I fuck your brains out. I want you to see just how perfect you are.”
“Yes, Daddy”, you whisper, your lips stretched into a big, big smile as you move out of his strong grip to position yours on your knees just as you were told.
Your heart suddenly starts racing again when you bury your face in your arms, making sure to push your ass as high as possible to give Iwaizumi easy access to your glistening cut. The excitement in combination with the pleasure and deep, deep longing finally manage to take over your brain; shoving the anxiety alongside all those insecurities to the very back of your head and making it easy for you to put your whole focus on the tll male behind you.
Iwaizumi’s rough hands caress your bare ass softly, kneading the flesh and lightly spanking it a few times before he lets a thick drop of his spit fall right onto your clenching pussy; sending goosebumps down your back at the feeling of it sliding down your flesh and mixing with your leaking juices.
You feel the tip of his thick cock nudging your entrance, the memory of his size making you tense up subconsciously and just when you’re about to hold your breath, Iwaizumi’s deep, calming voice echoes through the silence of your room.
“Take a deep breath, baby”, he whispers, knowing you’re going to follow his orders just like the good girl you love to be, “Daddy’s got you, okay? I’m gonna go easy, I promise.”
You lift your head to meet his comforting gaze through the mirror in front of you and without another beat passing, you feel yourself calming down again; the feeling of being absolutely safe and secure in his hand making it the easiest task.
And when Iwaizumi feels the tension in your body easing up, he lines himself up with your entrance and slowly pushes his thick tip into your tight hole. You whimper at the delicious stretch, the pain easily overshadowed by the sound of Iwaizumi’s heavy breathing and little moans.
“I’m gonna go all in, baby or else it’s going to hurt a lot more”, you appreciate his warning because as he’s saying it, Iwaizumi thrusts the whole of his impressive length into your spasming cunt; pushing every bit of air out of your lungs and pushing you way too close to your second high of the night. You can’t help but whimper loudly, tears already streaming down your cheeks because of the beautiful feeling of pain and pleasure mixing inside of your veins from the intensity of the stretch.
Iwaizumi, as always the gentleman, gives you all the time you need to adjust to his size; only growing slightly impatient as you still whine softly after two whole minutes yet you’re quick to lift your head again with quivering bottom lip and teary eyes, begging him to just fuck you.
“Please, Daddy”, you sob, moving away from him in a desperate attempt for some kind of friction; your cunt spasming around his thick cock like crazy and you know you’re only a few thrust and some clit stimulation away from your next high, “please, fuck me.”
“My greedy little whore”, Iwaizumi grunts, pulling his cock out of you astonishingly slow with the sole purpose of teasing you, “you’re going to take what Daddy gives you, did you hear me?”
You moan as the feeling of his tip dragging alongside your spongy walls, your eyes rolling into the back of your head only to find your way back to reality with a couple of harsh spanks on your already sore ass.
“Good sluts answer when being talked to, pretty one”, he warns, thrusting his cock back into you with one quick snap of his hips; burying himself balls deep inside of your overly sensitive cunt.
“Yes, Daddy, yes”, you cry and look up at him with glossy eyes, “just please, fuck my stupid little cunt, please.” Iwaizumi lets out a row of deep chuckles followed by raspy groans in response to your perfect answer before he nods at you and mumbles a few soft praises right into your ear and then straightens himself again.
“Alright then, pretty one.”
Loud grunts fill your ears so beautifully, echoing through the thick air of your bedroom and in combination with the sound of skin meeting skin in a constant rhythm, you feel the exact way your body is slowly falling into the beautiful bliss of another high.
Iwaizumi fucks you fast, harsh and rough. There’s nothing soft and romantic about the way his hips are meeting yours in a steady rhythm; making sure to hit that sweet spot deep inside of your pussy with every single one of his thrusts as he continues to use his whole strength on your burning ass.
But not once do you even think about telling him to go easier on you; this iwaizumi the one you’ve been imagining for all those years.
It doesn’t take long for him to wrap his strong arm around your chest to pull you up, his fingers also finding their way back home around your delicate throat.
“Look at you, baby”, he groans right into your ear, making you open your eyes and meet your own reflection in the mirror, “you’re so fucking beautiful, I can’t comprehend it.”
You stare at yourself with your lips parted in awe, eyes falling to the sight of Iwaizumi’s thick cock stretching your tiny cunt before you go back to trying to recognize yourself.
Because for the first time in literal years, you don’t hate what you see and even if it’s because of IWaizumi’s strong body right behind you, you still feel this certain type of warmth blossoming in your chest.
"Feels so good, baby", he groans, throwing his head back as the movements of his hips start to become slightly sloppier, a little more uncontrolled, "so tight and warm, so fucking perfect", Hajime’s voice breaks at the end of his soft praise because of your walls clenching around his cock even more the closer you get to the edge.
You start feeling dizzy, your sight turning into a blurr and at some point you can’t even in- or exhale without letting out a shaky moan.
Iwaizumi looks at you with wide, hungry eyes, the feeling of your walls gripping his cock like a goddamn vice sending him into an ecstatic state and the longer he watches you getting lost in the pleasure, the more he struggles to keep his rhythm.
You’re mumbling incoherent sentences, desperately trying to tell the brunette about how close you are whereas the pleasure makes it absolutely impossible for you to form a proper sentence.
“Are you going to cum for me again, baby?”, Iwaizumi grunts, tightening his grip on your throat, making you gasp for air as you nod in response to his question.
“My perfect little slut”, he sighs, his hand reaching down to rub your hard, throbbing clit with two of his rough digits, “fucking do it. Cum for your Daddy like the good whore you are.”
And just like a few minutes prior, those words are the last straw and eventually make you stumble over the edge head first. Your walls start spasming around Iwa’s cock like crazy, your loud moans and soft cries are the only thing he can focus on and without missing another minute, Iwaizumi also lets himself get consumed by the beautiful feeling of relief.
Iwa hips still, his cock buried deeply inside of your tight sex as he coats your walls with his creamy cum. Your new boyfriend gets lost in the feeling of finally getting to cum inside of you after waiting for so many years; feeding the fantasy of getting to claim you in the most intimate way possible. He buries his face in the sweaty crook of your neck, his rapid breath fanning your skin as the two of you try to calm down from your intense highs. Your hand finds its way into his dark hair, massaging his scalp with your eyes closed and your legs still shaking from the aftermath of your breathtaking orgasm. Without pulling out of you, despite his own release leaking out of you and down the sides of his cock, Iwaizumi makes you lay down with him; just tightly holding you in his arms.
A few minutes filled with nothing but soft breathing pass by before you finally find the strength to move again; the sudden need to look at Iwaizumi’s completely fucked out face overwhelming you in the best way possible. And when you turn around to look at him, you’re met with a breathtaking sight.
Messy strands of sweaty hair falling into his flushed face, swollen lips and glossy eyes sparkling at you in a way you’ve never seen before and in that moment you feel yourself falling in love with Iwaizumi all over again.
“I’m so in love with you”, you whisper and caress the soft skin of his cheeks, loving the way he moves even further into your touch.
“Always and forever only yours, pretty one”, Iwaizumi sighs and presses his forehead against yours.
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࿏ A/N: And here it finally is! My first x chubby reader fic!! As a chubby someone who’s been reading fanficion for a long time, I’ve always craved some kind of representation and now I finally got to join this side of the community and I’m more than just happy about the way it turned out. I genuinely hope you guys will enjoy this and find comfort the same way I did while writing this. Please feel free to leave any sort of feedback if you enjoyed it and thank you so much for everything.
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macdenlover · 2 years
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I have so many thoughts about the gang buys a roller rink im gonna dump them all here (i only watched it once so this is just my raw first impression)
First of all they’re all liars the whole gang were never that sweet and innocent a day in their lives. Mac and charlie used to throw rocks at cats when they were young, they spread those rumors about psycho pete in high school, they bullied ingrid nelson for being fat, they teabagged cricket in and made him eat literal shit, dee set her college roommate on fucking FIRE and thats all i can think of from the top of my head but im sure theres way more.. anyway that episode was 1000% just them remembering everything wrong.
They definitely convinced themselves that they were better people when they were younger and that they were never actually that mean to dee but obviously that’s not true. She had a back brace all throughout high school and you expect me to believe they were NICE to her??? Dee just decided to stop taking shit from them after they humiliated her for the last time before she left and they remembered that as her completely changing overnight for no reason. I think even though dee was always a bitch she wasn’t mean to them directly since they always left her out and she was constantly chasing for approval. They definitely never offered her a share of the bar and they probably didn’t even want her working there when she got back. i know my girl had to BEG for that job they are LIARS!!
Charlie and Dennis’s backstory seemed the most realistic imo. Charlie huffing spray cans at work and saving all that money even though he barely knows how to count… he is so autistic I love you so much little guy. and Dennis not knowing what his dad does for work but showing up in his little blazer to the roller rink and bragging about his little job to the rest of the gang anyway ..IMMACULATE I love it when they add to the lore of dennis having no idea that he’s a complete loser because he feels so cool compared to the gang.
also I know damn well Mac did Not look like that!! and he would have been absolute trash at selling drugs. His hair was messier, his beard definitely didn’t connect, none of his clothes fit him, and he was cutting the weed with oregano for sure. he had to sell it in secret because all the other dealers in the area wanted him dead. and he was bossy all the time i wish they made him more bossy WE WERE ROBBED. we were also horribly robbed of him refusing to go by ronnie anymore and making everyone call him mac instead. but i did like the part about him putting a gun handle from the trash in his pants to look badass okay that was funny THAT was mac.
overall the episode was good kinda? but i wish they told it more like the gang does a clip show where they all remembered different versions of events i think that would have been way funnier than me having to do all this mental gymnastics to make the episode fit in the timeline of the show but whatever..
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Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]
So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.
Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad
Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.
STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.
IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!
The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.
STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.
Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him
So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.
NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT
The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable
Those husky animation models suck lmao
Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!
God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it
Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that
But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????
Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden
This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh
Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)
THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much
Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)
Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens
On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending
Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other
YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).
Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last
Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!
Oh never mind slavery trollmarket
Bruh titanic camelot
I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things
NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH
STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER
THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN
WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?
Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person
For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues
Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy
Bruh I was grieving
PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference
Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?
NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS
Oh thank God he's okay
NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD
oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))
But I want to see him again
But I'm glad to see vex
Yay they're in arcadia!
But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((
Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)
Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them
Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus
DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE
Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.
BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.
Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.
Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???
And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole
And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!
THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!
BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????
Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭
Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora
HUZZAH
NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????
STAB THAT BITCH JIM
WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED
Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it
SEVEN KIDS?????????
T O B Y ????????????
W A I T NO
N O
IS HE ACTUALLY
OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE
NO THERE ISN'T
F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED
Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS
I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH
W A I T
HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????
HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????
WAIT IS HE
BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON
HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????
BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending
TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all
And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.
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pianorexic000 · 3 years
Text
Sweetspo Saturday
Hi y’all, so today is sweetspo Saturday.......
it speaks for itself. By the way, none of these are mine. I take no credit I have 0 creativity.
I dream of collarbones and thigh gaps, of hips jutting out and ribs just visible, casting shadows on porcelain flesh. I dream of crop tops and denim shorts, of thigh highs and sugar highs. And when I lay in bed at night, counting the calories of the day before my mind can’t help but wander, and I press into my doughy stomach, feel the hips hiding underneath, and remind myself how far I’ve come, and how far I still have to go.
Please listen, I know, I know it’s hard but listen, focus, you, you the most beautiful person on this whole entire planet you are going to make it, I promise you sweetheart, you’re going to make it. Think about it, think about how skinny you’ll be, how happy you will be, how you are going to be able to wear what you want, how you are going to be able to eat what you want and no one is going to make you feel bad for eating, no one. They’re going to be jealous, so fucking jealous, jealous of how you look and how you feel. They’re going to envy you. So stand up, keep your pretty head up and go. Exercise, drink water, eat less, eat healthy, sleep, do yoga, dance around. Get skinny and be finally happy. Please be finally happy.
You’ve been so disappointed in yourself lately. You’ve cursed those girls with a fast metabolism and regretted so much, sweetie. Countless of times you’ve thought, planned and wished to be skinny. I know you want this so badly, honey. But it’s never going to be given to you, sugar. You have to work for it and make yourself proud! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و
I know you’re very impatient with your weight-loss. You want to lose it NOW and would do anything to wake up tomorrow at you ugw. But that’s never going to happen, doll. It’ll take time, but you will get there, sweetie. You just have to be persistent and never give up. The road is very long, and there will be days where it’ll feel hopeless, angel. But i promise you that those days where you feel incredibly sexy and comfortable in your own skin are just around the corner. You’ll get there baby, but it’ll take time. So don’t beat yourself up.
You’ll look good in everything; you remember that bikini with the cute print? yes, you’ll look beautiful in it. you won’t look like a fat pig.
people will be jealous; they’ll envy you. you’ll become thinner while others are getting fatter.
you’ll be dainty; you’ll be the lightest in the room. everyone will be able to pick you up effortlessly.
others will compliment you; people will look at you and say “wow, have you lost weight?” “you look great!” “i wish i looked like you.”
you won’t be able to keep more than a cup of food down; you’ve trained your body, you and your body both know its limits.
you’ll have power; you can can control how you look, you’ll have control. self control instead of eating everything in sight. you’ll be proud when you refuse a chocolate bar someone is offering.
are you going to keep saying “i’ll do it tomorrow”
or are you going to start today?
you’ll get there sweetie, make them regret the day they dare call you fat; they’ll start talking GOOD behind your back; “she is losing so much weight omg” “ i wanna look like her.” “im so jealous of her tiny waist.”
make it happen, you cause the gain of weight
and the loss of weight.
It's Okay!
You were really bad this weekend weren’t you? You ate fatty food and cheated on your diet? I know you bash yourself for pushing yourself further from your goal, but it was just Easter and you were enjoying spending time with your family. Unfortunately that included eating. Thin is all you think about cutie, why would you stuff your face uncontrollably like that, sugar? You can’t stop now, i know it’s hard but it’ll be worth it in the end.
Meanspo
Dear You,
You’ve grown up being the “big” girl. You’ve grown up being the “I want seconds” girl. You entered college being the “let’s eat out because it’s easier” girl.
When will you be the “I eat healthy” girl? The “people can pick me up” girl? The “I love my body” girl?
Today? Oh, right, you say tomorrow. Funny, that’s what you said yesterday.
It’s YOUR fault you’re fat. You don’t control your fatty urges to binge and stuff your face. One day, you’ll regret that. And that day is TODAY. If you regret it, then make a change. Skip that meal. Eat less calories. Exercise and burn what you have consumed and stored from your past pathetic eating habits. Get rid of your fatty urges. BECOME SKINNY…Become beautiful. Because if you don’t start today, you’ll only hate yourself tomorrow… again.
Do it. Do it so you can wear cute short shorts without everyone looking at your thighs and being disgusted.
Do it for that bitch who always called you fat at middle school.
Do it for that fuckboy who never looked at you as girlfriend potencial.
Do it so you can be confident.No seriously you’ll never be confident with that big tummy dude.
Do it so you don't ALMOST DIE in fitting rooms.
Do it for the cute clothes.
Do it for the summer.
Do it for the pool parties and how all of your friends will be SHOOK at your perfect body.
Do it for that life little baby. You deserve it. You deserve so much happiness.
Imagine you’re sitting at your desk in your perfectly decorated bedroom. You’re doing school work (all A’s of course), and since the lighting is good, you stop studying for a second and take a selfie.
You notice your collarbones are perfectly peaking out, and your chest bones are slightly visible. You have no makeup on but you still look absolutely gorgeous. Your flawless skin (that you got from not eating junk food all the time) looks great on your camera. Your thin arms look especially toned in this picture, and your smile is unforgettable.
You decide to post it to Instagram, and it instantly gets likes and comments saying how gorgeous you look. You want to keep studying…but the amount of likes and attention is distracting!
You think to yourself “Amazing how my life has changed. 30lbs ago I barely got 30 likes. My grades were bad and I had horrible acne…it’s so great what being thin can do to a person”
One day I won’t have to suck in
One day I’ll sit down and not have belly rolls
One day my thighs won’t touch
One day I’ll be able to see my ribs
One day I’ll step on the scale and smile
One day I’ll be able to smile at my protruding collar bones
One day I’ll wear the clothes I want
One day I’ll be confident
One day I’ll be skinny
do it for the boy who leaves your snapchats at read. imagine how quickly he’ll reply when he sees how good you look in your new body. do it for the girls you envy, the girls who show up in crop tops and short shorts whilst you hide behind a baggy sweater. imagine how proud you’ll feel when you can finally wear what you want and look just as good, if not better than them. do it for the people who bullied you about your weight and the boys who turned you down because of it. watch them gawk and whisper among themselves at how much weight you’ve lost. do it for the mean girls, the ones that walk around school like they own the place, the ones who’s parties you never get invited to, the ones that all the boys want. prove yourself to them. soon they’ll notice you and you’ll be too proud to care. own your new found confidence, throw your own parties, feel wanted. do it for the boy you’ve been crushing on since the first time you met. make him want you just as you wanted him. laugh at yourself as he chases after you. watch him suffer just as you did. do it for the bikini you’ve never had the body to wear. make your old self proud. wear that bikini. finally feel good in it. go to the beach and the pool and show it off. it belongs on you. do it for yourself. do it for your own happiness and do it right now. you deserve this. it might take some time and maybe you’re growing impatient. but it’s okay, everything good takes time. so be safe, stay strong, and don’t give up. this will be worth the wait. trust me.
I literally cannot fucking wait until I’m thin. I can’t wait to not feel like the outsider in my friend group. I can’t wait to not feel like the ugly friend. I can’t wait to be as thin as my best friend and for people to not see me as a charity case. I can’t wait to be able to go shopping and not worry about what will hide my fat. I can’t wait to see my collarbones and feel great in shorts. I can’t wait to be able to post selfies confidently from any angle and get as many likes as all the thin girls from school. I can’t wait to be someone else’s thinspo. I can’t wait to be happy with myself. I can’t wait to be thin.
Okie lovey, I know you might have had a rough couple of days or maybe you’ve been doing everything right and you just need a little pick me up. That’s okay too. I’m here for you, maybe not there physically but I’m still here. Make some tea, and take a bath; while you’re in there light a few candles and take time for yourself. Paint your nails read a book or simply think about bettering yourself. You’re almost there, I’m so excited for you! I’m going to be there when you cross that finish line (UGW). Finished with tea? Are you hungry? No. Exactly, chin up sweetheart, you got this. I love you
10 Reasons I want to be Thin
1. A flat stomach looks so good in anything. 2. No more armpit fat. 3. Finally have a thigh gap (again). 4. Feel beautiful and in control 5. people you already know will ask you how you did it, new people you meet will fall in love with you. 6. Go on adventures and have fun without worrying about your fat jiggling around. 7. Tan outside or at the lake without wanting to die because you’re too fat for a bikini. 8. Going out to parties and making friends because you’re confident and beautiful. 9. Not wanting to cry every time you see your full body in a mirror/ reflection. 10. Not crying in general anymore. Finally being happy.
11 Reasons Why I'm Doing This
1. To be the skinny friend
2. So I can be lifted up and be called light
3. To wear anything and still look cute
4. To have pretty bones to show off
5. To hear those words; ‘Have you lost weight?’
6. To not feel guilty when having a sweet treat (occasionally!)
7. To wear tight jeans and not have a muffin top
8. To not want to cry every time I look in the mirror
9. To not feel embarrassed in a bikini or swimsuit
10. To sit on someone’s lap without fear of crushing them
11. To finally feel happy with myself
They are in the kitchen making dinner. It smells so good, and all you want to do is have some. But would that make you happy? Would that food actually do anything for you? Sure, it would taste good. But as soon as you swallow, it would be gone. You’d take a drink of water, and the taste would wash away. Five minutes of fun, and then you’d be full. Full of food, regret, hate, shame, and disgust. Today would be yet another day wasted. So go ahead, eat the food. Be the fat tub of lard you always have been. Or don’t. Don’t eat the food. Be a day closer to your goal.
The choice is yours.
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kira-fluff · 3 years
Note
Hi!can you do o. What would the RFA react if they know about Mc's dark past?(like family problems and being alone with no friends and getting cheated)
MC with a Dark Past 
Sure! I’ve updated by rules list since you’ve requested so if I did not include one of your favorites please DM me and I’d be happy to include it! :) I chose Jumin, Saeyoung, Saeran as they are frequently requested and this ended up being kinda long! 
TW: Abusive family/relationships, bullying, mentions of weight, eating disorders, cheating (not on MM characters part) 
Jumin 
this man is judgemental 
when it comes to everyone else 
but when it comes to you 
he’d never, EVER judge you for anything 
when you’d at last gained enough courage to open up about your family’s history of abuse 
it felt so shameful 
tears left marks down your cheeks as your face grew scarlet 
trying to shield your tears from him only made you cry more 
you could still remember the commanding voice of your father 
the fear instilled in you 
that made you flinch at the swing of an arm 
or cower when another’s voice is raised 
you couldn’t stand the thought of ever hurting Jumin in that way 
but part of you feared 
what if it was in your blood? 
what if a part of your father still lingered in you? 
were you capable of what he did? 
while these thoughts engulfed your mind, warm arms wrapped around your shaking shoulders 
snaking down to your waist as well-toned muscles embraced you tightly 
his faint musky cologne drifted toward your nostrils 
providing you with a sense of peace and security 
your labored breathing began to slow 
eventually dying down to gentle ins and outs 
he’d whisper, “it’s alright, darling” 
“i’ve got you” 
“no one will hurt you now” 
a part of him has to hold back the boiling anger in his stomach 
that anyone, ever 
would lay a finger on you in that way 
but he knew that you were also so, so strong 
fiercely independent 
and always growing 
so while he knew he wanted to protect you 
and trust me, he will 
he also knew that the real battle 
you’ve already won
Saeyoung 
you felt bad talking about your problems 
especially knowing how deeply he struggled with his own 
but he’d been adamant 
“Y/n, you need to talk to me about this. Please.” 
his golden eyes lay beneath furrowed brows, slightly raised in the center in concern 
there was something in them you couldn’t quite place 
you knew he’d never like you back because, well.. 
no one ever has 
so when it had been eating away at you 
confess, confess, confess to him! 
you’d tried your best to shake your selfish thoughts out of your mind 
looking back, it wasn’t hard to see where it all began 
your mother 
she was your worst critic
not that you had any friends at school to name of 
“I didn’t raise you to be so fat” 
“let’s go on a diet together” 
by the time you were 10, you were enrolled in after school sports activities as well as rigorous academic tutoring 
her screaming still rang in your ears 
“YOU WERE THE WORST MISTAKE I EVER MADE” 
your only ally – Papa – left you 
he left you alone with that woman 
who was supposed to be your mother 
she never hit you 
but her words felt like knives through your heart 
you were so useless, you’ve known that since you were 4 
“If you don’t place this piano recital well, don’t expect there to be much dinner for you tonight. you’ve practically gorged yourself already.” 
you’d accidentally played a natural instead of a sharp 
beads of sweat gathered as you began to panic, more of your sweaty fingers slipping of keys 
just as your mother promised, you went to bed with an empty stomach 
by the time you were 14 you were falling in and out of eating disorders, eventually resulting in a hospitalization
it was the first time you’d ever seen your mother smile
“you’ve finally lost a bit of weight. keep it up.” 
your sunken cheeks and fatigue resulted in a long hospital stay 
ultimately requiring liquid fluids 
your mother tried to tamper with them until a nurse called a social worker 
noticing your tired expression 
an expression a 14 year old girl should never make 
lifeless, giving up
at last, you were swept from your mother’s strings on you and placed into a psychiatric ward before being released for foster care 
foster care wasn’t always great
but your luck at least brought you an adoption at age 16 by a single woman named Kim Ji-woo
you wondered how you ever were lucky enough to have her 
Saeyoung held back for a while before at last interrupting you 
“Y/n –” 
nothing else came out 
besides languishing tears before enveloping you in a tight hug 
hiding his sniffles in the crook of your neck 
he couldn’t manage to say just how much he knew 
just how much he knew what it was like 
but for now
he just wanted to hold you as close as possible 
Saeran 
“Y/n, you can tell me whenever you’re ready. I don’t want to push you.”
you never felt ready 
so you dropped the subject 
he willingly complied 
but his gazed remained on you for quite a while 
he knew the face of suffering, silent suffering, you carried 
he wished he could heal it all away. 
he waited patiently to tell him 
it didn’t actually happen until one night you’d gotten drunk 
he’d carried you home, you on his back 
when he’d carried you into his apartment you were already crying, the sentimental drunk you were 
“I’m such an idiot~~~” 
feeling bad for you, he’d grabbed a cup of water and gently stroked your head 
“he was a mistake” 
saeran’s eyes grew wide, a twinge of hurt as he feared you were talking about him 
“he.. he took my virginity.. and i let him. and- and- and –” you sniffled, heaving, “he cheated on me!” 
Saeran looked at your eyes filled with such anguish 
he’d never felt such a strong urge to wrap you in a tight hug 
but respecting you, and fearing he’d be consider “taking advantage of your drunken state” 
he opted to lightly stroking your head 
whispering sweet words of affirmation 
he’d sat down set to you 
the next morning you both arose from the lumpy couch with sore backs 
you realized you’d fallen asleep 
and awoke to your shoulder asleep, Saeran’s light breathing tickling your ear 
you’d brushed the hair out of his eyes, kissing his forehead 
though you were hung over, you quietly whispered your thanks 
Saeran sighed deeply in his sleep 
he’d worry about you all over again once he realized you had gotten up and were no longer next to him 
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