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#he wouldn't appreciate it anyway
hrokkall · 5 months
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DIVINE AUTOPSY
Text from a post by @bedrock-to-buildheight about angel anatomy and the physical manifestations of regret that can only be purged in a bloody vivisection.
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babyloniastreasure · 4 months
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something that kind of bothers me about modern feelings toward the epic of gilgamesh is how it's been COMPLETELY watered down to being "gay". Bear with me as I explain.
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this is more of an extreme example, but I see this take all the time (not the yaoi part. the gay lover part). it's boiled down to the fact that it's gay over literally anything else in the epic. Gilgamesh's lament to Urshanabi about Enkidu's loss is overshadowed by the fact that Gilgamesh is mourning his gay lover. Gilgamesh is on a journey because he lost his gay lover. Gilgamesh and Enkidu were gay.
Now I understand that with a modern lens, people tend to lock on to how unabashedly Gilgamesh mourns Enkidu, because it's gay and because it's the oldest written epic in human history. People feel deeply connected to the idea that people like them have been around since the dawn of literature. But placing exclusive focus on the nature of the relationship as gay, rather than why the relationship or its loss was important, erases the story the epic is trying to tell.
The Epic of Gilgamesh is a story about love, yes, but it is not a love story. It's about the fear of death, coping with loss, and desperation to stave off the inevitable. It's about the bonds of friendship, about hardship, coming to terms personal change and losing pieces of yourself as you learn and grow. It is about consequences, arrogance, death, second chances, mourning, yearning, loving and LIVING. The Epic of Gilgamesh is about the entire human experience and one man's struggle to accept it. What does it mean to have lived? What does it mean to have loved, and lost? What does it mean to die, and to be remembered? What does it mean to be human?
It is perfectly okay to find appreciation for the Epic because of Gilgamesh and Enkidu's relationship. But also understand that the world's oldest story is not about two gay men who loved each other. It is a story about being alive.
TLDR;
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freaky-flawless · 4 months
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Well...damn.
I finally watched The Phantom of the Opera, and now I have to grapple with how much Operetta makes absolutely no sense.
Like I'm wracking my brain, and the only conclusion I've come to is that she'd make sense if she wasn't a ghost at all, but a siren.
Maybe after years of being cast out by his fellow humans, Erik finds refuge in the monster world which welcomes him with open arms, and also gives him the chance for a new start.
And given his love of opera, he falls in love with a siren and they have a child together. Thusly making Operetta half human, half siren.
This way, she can keep her hypnotizing voice, since she sure as hell wouldn't have gotten it from Erik.
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gourmet-trash · 1 year
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As others have pointed out, I too reject "token straight friend Rose Walker" and instead give you "bad taste in women Rose Walker"
The first time it happens, Hob doesn't say anything. He doesn't even acknowledge, outwardly, that he noticed it at all. Between the Inn and his teaching job and, oh you know, just several hundreds of years of being around children and young adults, he can confidently say he has at least some modicum of knowledge on how to interact with them.
So, the first time, he doesn't say anything. He's cool like that.
He also doesn't say anything the second time.
But the third time he watches Rose Walker making figurative heart eyes at Johanna Constantine, of all people, he can't help himself. He also can't really pretend he doesn't see Rose so busy gawking that she misses the rim of her glass and splashes cider onto her jumper. She's sitting right in front of him at the bar, after all.
"Doing all right there?" he teases, passing a few napkins across the bar.
Rose grabs the proffered napkins quickly, visibly flustered while she dabs at the damp spot on her chest. "Just, uh, clumsy, I guess."
Hob snorts softly. "Or distracted," he says, lifting his eyebrows when she jerks her head up.
"...I don't know what you're talking about!"
Hob makes a little "sure you don't" humming sound and picks Rose's glass up to wipe it down for her while she deals with her jumper. "It's cute," he insists, even though he knows from experience that most young adults don't like to hear it. And judging from the face Rose makes, she's no exception.
It almost makes Hob laugh -- Dream makes a very similar expression when someone tells him he's cute.
For Rose's sake, he swallows down that particular amusement and sets the cider back in front of her. "It is! But you might want to work on being a smidge less obvious with the staring."
Rose clears her throat, passing the damp napkins back across the bar when he motions for them. "...It's that obvious?" she asks slowly.
"Little bit, I'm afraid," he says, smiling apologetically.
Rose groans at that and drops her face into her hands. Hob only just makes out the muffled, "Do you think she noticed?" that follows.
Hob glances to the corner of the Inn where Jo has roped some sorry sap into a game of darts. It's not going well for the lad if the jeering of his friends is anything to go by. "Mmm...she's a little distracted, so probably not this time."
"This time?!" Rose repeats, lifting her head out of her hands to balk at him.
"You've been very obvious about it, poppet."
"And you didn't tell me!? I can't ever come back here!" Rose hisses.
Hob bites back his amusement -- poorly, judging by Rose's narrow expression. "I promise it isn't that big of a deal."
"What is not that big of a deal?"
The next few seconds are spent by Hob and Rose startling, someone bumping the glass between them in the process, and then both of them frantically trying to catch said glass before it spills more cider over the bar. When the glass is upright again and they turn accusatory stares on the King of Dreams, sitting at the previously empty barstool at Rose's side, his expression is nonplussed if not vaguely amused.
"You know, one of these days you're actually going to give me a heart attack or something. And then you're gonna have to explain to Auntie Death why she's here," Rose points out.
"I will take that under advisement," Dream drawls, more obviously amused by then. And when Hob leans over the bar, he obligingly tips his head a bit to accept the kiss dropped against his temple.
"Hello, love. Please don't give any of my patrons heart attacks at the bar."
"I will endeavor not to," Dream assures him. But the scuffle over the cider has not distracted him, and he repeats, "What is not that big of a deal?"
"Nothing!' Rose says quickly -- too quickly -- before Hob has a chance to deflect with a bit more tact. "Hence, not a big deal," she adds, snatching the glass off the bar and taking a long drink.
Dream watches her for a moment, no doubt taking stock of the damp spot on her jumper and the blustering, before turning to Hob, expectant.
But Hob has not been a snitch for many, many years, and he is not looking to revive that particular character trait this century. He flashes Dream a smile and leans back from the bar, already grabbing a cocktail glass. "How about we try a French 75 today?"
Dream purses his lips, though Hob suspects it has more to do with his question being very obviously ignored and less to do with their ongoing game of "make Dream try a new cocktail every time he comes in until Hob finds one he actually likes."
"Hob." 
He hums to acknowledge he heard him, considering the gin he has on hand.
"What are you not telling me?"
Hob grabs one of the bottles. "That I don't think you're going to like the French 75."
He turns his back to fetch the champagne and to hide a grin when he hears an annoyed little huff from the other side of the bar. Dream would deny huffing, of course, so undignified. But he huffed. He was huffy.
"Rose Walker."
"No," Rose says shortly, setting her nearly empty glass back down. "Look, no offense Uncle Morpheus, but it's seriously not a big deal, and it's also not something I wanna talk about. Okay?"
It is not, apparently, okay. Hob can tell the second he turns back around, spots the telltale sheen of emotion in Dream's eyes. Rose probably did too, which is why she's very pointedly looking down at the last of her cider rather than at her Uncle. Because they have come a long way since the rocky start of their relationship, but Hob knows better than most how fiercely Dream wants to nurture this relationship with his niece and nephew, almost despite himself. 
And bless him, but jumping straight into teenagers and young adults, nevermind the complications of a crush, is a tall order for anyone, much less the anthropomorphic personification of dreams. He definitely hasn’t had as much hands on time with young humans as Hob. Or if he has, he’s…rusty, to say the least. 
"You were comfortable to discuss these things with Hob, but not with me?"
Rose groans outright and turns on her stool, however reluctantly, to face Lord Shaper. "No, actually, I didn't want to be talking about it with Professor Gadling, either. So if we could all stop talking about it and pretend this never happened, that would be great!" she said, shooting a pointed frown in Hob's direction for good measure.
He holds his hands up in as placating a gesture as he can manage with a lemon twist between his fingers, and Dream glances between them for a moment before, with obvious reluctance, inclining his head.
"Very well," he says. "It is not my intention to make you uncomfortable."
"Thank you," Rose says, less terse, and Hob sets another cider in front of her at the same time he passes Dream the French 75. Dream eyes the cocktail with no small amount of distrust and Hob can’t help but laugh.
"Oh, come on, don't make that face before you've even tried it."
"Yeah, they're not bad. If you don't like it, we can switch," Rose offers, and while Dream does not look anymore convinced that he'll enjoy the beverage, or that he'd prefer Rose's cider, Hob can tell some of his proverbial feathers (well, currently proverbial, but sometimes more literal?) have settled. 
Heaven help him, but he does so adore this impossible, mercurial creature.
At their encouragement, Dream does eventually take a sip of the cocktail. And while his reaction is not quite as strong as it had been to the martini from last week or the Alabama slammer which, admittedly, Hob had only made as a means of getting Dream to say Alabama slammer, he is clearly not impressed.
"What do you think?" Rose asks, amused.
"It is...palatable," Dream says after a moment, and Rose laughs when he lifts it for another reluctant sip.
"Don't drink it if you don't like it!" she protests, waving for him to put the glass back down, which Dream does with something not unlike relief.
"Starting to think gin might not be your thing," Hob says, glancing over when the bell over the door jingles. He smiles and waves a hand that way. "See? Cor can use the door."
"Didn't you say he broke into your apartment through a window last month?" Rose asks, smirking when Hob shushes her.
But, by that point, Corinthian is close enough to hear. And to reach around Dream to pluck the French 75 off the bar. "And guess who finally got the damn locks on his windows repaired after that?"
"That is not a good reason for breaking into my flat!" Hob protests.
"It's a perfect reason for breaking in! I could've stabbed you in your sleep!" Corinthian argues.
"You have stabbed me in my sleep!"
Corinthian chuckles over the cocktail, half draped against Dream's side, who shifts subtle to make room for him there. "I have done that," he agrees.
"You've what?" Dream says, turning a frown on Corinthian who waves a dismissive hand.
"Metaphorically," he lies, before sidestepping out of the conversation by leaning around Dream again to flash a smile down the bar. "Well, hey there, Rosebud."
Rose, whose attention had drifted back in the direction of the darts game -- new bloke trying his hand now and losing just as spectacularly -- turns quickly back around. "Hey! Where's Jed?"
"Dropped him off at the movies with a couple friends."
Rose frowns. "...What movie?"
"One that I'm certain Jed and his friends were able to buy tickets to themselves, of course," Corinthian says breezily. Rose narrows her eyes a little further.
"If Jed has nightmares all week, it's gonna be your fault."
Corinthian makes a little noise of disagreement over his drink, and Hob starts wiping down the bar to keep himself useful while they bicker. And to avoid letting Dream pull him into any further interrogation about the whole stabbing thing.
"Technically, that would be My Lord's fault, wouldn't it?" Corinthian says, motioning at Dream between them, whose suspicious expression has not wavered.
Rose rolls her eyes. "You know what I mean!"
"Uh huh. Didn't know you were so into darts, Rose."
Hob pauses his cleaning to glance up between them, Rose visibly flustered and Corinthian's eyebrows lifted high above his sunglasses while he sips Dream's drink.
"What?" Rose eventually says, and Hob doesn't wince but it's a near miss. Poor thing, she's usually better toe to toe with Cor in one of his more meddling moods.
"You know what I mean," he drawls, and Rose snatches her cider up to chug. Again.
Rose knows what he means. And Hob knows what he means, even if he's not entirely sure how Corinthian himself knows. But Dream, sitting between the three of them, clearly does not, and he misunderstands rather wildly.
"Would you care to play darts, Rose Walker?" 
"That's a great idea!" Corinthian insists while Rose coughs around her drink. "That gal in the corner seems like she's pretty good, I bet she could talk you through the rules."
And then Dream turns his head and his attention alights on the darts game already happening. "Johanna Constantine is here?" he asks, looking back to Hob for confirmation.
"She's a regular these days, yeah," Hob says, and he'd argue that Dream doesn't stand from the stool so much as he pours himself from it, too liquid in his movements for the human shape he wears.
"Then I shall have to introduce you, Rose," he insists, and Rose only manages a token, squeaked protest before Dream is ushering her towards the darts game.
Hob swats Corinthian with the towel he'd been wiping the counter with. "That wasn't necessary," he points out, trying very hard to tap down on his own amusement.
"Sure it was! This way Dream can figure it out himself, and then he can be the one to tell her there's no way in hell we're gonna approve her trying to date Johanna fucking Constantine."
Hob laughs despite himself and leans against the bar, smiling when Corinthian takes up Dream's abandoned stool to meet him halfway. "She is a grown woman, you know. We can't stop her from trying to date who she likes."
"We can sure as hell try."
"We can do that," he agrees, leaning in to return the quick, sharp kiss Corinthian dips in for. "Does he know how to play darts?" Hob asks, glancing towards the corner when Corinthian leans back.
"I have absolutely no idea." [ ← prev ] [ next → ]
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aleki-lives-here · 11 days
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laesas · 11 months
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did you ever make a post about pete not liking tankhun ? i know you mentioned it a few times in your tags but i don't remember seeing a post. (i share your opin ions.)
I definitely toyed with the idea of meta or a gifset but I didn't ever make a full post! I love unrequited love and I ESPECIALLY love the extremely rare platonic version which Tankhun and Pete absolutely nail in my opinion!
There are loads of moments where Pete's smile drops around Tankhun very quickly, or he insults Tankhun behind his back. Instead of laughing things off like Arm and Pol, he almost has a wincing fear-response to Tankhun, which we don't really see at all from the other bodyguards.
I think that Tankhun likes to think of himself as being close friends with his bodyguards, and he does genuinely show a lot of open affection for Pete and eventually concern for his safety. But I think ultimately for Pete, Tankhun is just a part of Pete's job, and over time resentment has built up until he thinks of Tankhun as one of the *worst* parts of it. I definitely don't think he resents Tankhun enough to hurt or endanger him, but that's about as far as it goes, there's certainly very little love there.
Something about that dynamic is just particularly brilliant, especially when combined with Pete's eventual defection from Tankhun's side to Vegas'. He chooses a man who has beaten and tortured him over a man who showers him in affection and throws parties on his return.
I utterly adore Tankhun but I think as a character that's grown up in a gilded cage, he doesn't really understand that what Pete needs is a sense of his own autonomy rather than being dragged to "fun" "lets cheer up Pete" parties that Tankhun has demanded on his behalf. At least with Vegas he *chose* to go back, he handed Vegas the ropes, let him lock him back up again. Even before he develops feelings for Vegas, Pete has clearly felt like a subhuman pet for Tankhun and the main family for a long, long time and I think ironically Vegas acknowledging Pete's humanity is the tipping point for him.
I think even without their nascent romantic love as a factor, Pete would always choose Vegas. Because despite the threat of suffering, he offers a sense of freedom that Tankhun's gilded cage does not. It all makes for an incredibly interesting betrayal, and makes Pete choosing Vegas over Tankhun all the more pointed. By choosing to be Vegas' pet, he chooses to be human.
#I have had this gifset concept rattling round my brain since before I even learned to make gifs#if I didn't have so many complicated feelings about Pete after the whole Build situation I'd make it in a heartbeat tbh#my worry is that it would either be taken as a ''hating on Pete'' set and I'd get mad shit for it in my inbox#(despite it being one of my fave facets of his character)#or it would be interpreted as a ''Build's acting appreciation!'' post which tbf it kinda would be.#theres no getting away from the fact that he shaped Pete into a very interesting and nuanced character#but you wouldn't catch me dead making a ''Captain Jack Sparrow appreciation'' set even if I loved POTC as much as KPTS yknow?#like theres only so much distance I can split the character from the actor. which sucks bc Pete as a character was one of my favourites#idk. probably not the ideal answer lol#my first instict was to just make the set since it was all planned out from like december#but since January my love for Pete as a character has mostly been in a little box on a high shelf that I do not ever touch. which is sad#but it is what it is ig#anyway lol 👀#kp#tankhun theerapanyakul#pete kp#tankhun kp#kp meta#ask#anon#watch me deliberately not putting that shit in the pete tag out of fear#anyway back on the high shelf you go little pete feelings. lets go back to simply not acknowledging u once more lol 🥲✨#goddamn I deliberately hadnt thought about him in months but now I kinda miss Pete... :( I love this ask though thank u for sending it! 🦔✨#damn rereading this its like girl. do you have an unrequited love for commas?? fucking use them?? :) anywaY
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phanboyo · 6 months
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Sometimes I wonder if I should be concerned about how often I'm surprised at the shock and outrage at things that the Fenton parents say/do/allow in fanfiction and in the show.
Like what do you mean thats not a rational and reasonable decision? Danny is a whole 14 year old, surely he can handle cleaning the weapons vault or cooking himself dinner or sterilizing lab equipment. He even has his own hazmat suit for lab chores.
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1111-sunset-circle · 8 months
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this post got me thinking about bodies and the way that we fit together with our f/os. do your fingers interlock perfectly? does their palm seem to rest perfectly on the small of your back? how do you match up with each other when you’re cuddling or hugging?
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aq2003 · 7 months
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series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems
#dr who#i am being so honest when i say ten should have gotten on his knees and begged for simm!master's life#they should have framed the bit between him and martha's mom so different#like yes it is 10000% in character that the doctor with his bleeding heart and loneliness wouldn't want to kill him#even after everything that happened. because he's the only person he has left. 'i forgive you' was PERFECT.#but literally anyone else that suffered from what the master did. Deserves to rip him to shreds. so very obviously#and like i know.i KNOW that i am watching the 'funny immortal alien saves people through time and space' show#but i actually despise the doctor being framed as like an all powerful savior. or treated like one. even for a little bit. is Annoying#the first part of the series 3 finale having martha be humanity's last hope was SO GOOD bc it like kind of set her up as like#having to grapple with all that responsibility and attention like the doctor does. everyone's lives are in her hands. so crunchy#but when it like slides into 'everyone pls believe in our specialest boy in the world The Doctor <3' it just. falls flat#i feel like with a couple tweaks here and there in the execution and like actual fuckinnn people of color in the writer's room#series 3 would be PEAK media. but as it is it's just. falling short.#i do really appreciate martha deciding to leave ten on her own though. first of all. qpp down. second of all#she's realized that she can't keep traveling with him. bc (as i mentioned) hes someone who simultaneously needs saving#and refuses to be saved in the ways that matter. Yes im fucking ignoring the unrequited romance angle i think#it does a gigantic disservice to martha's character if u boil her down to that. fight me i dont care if that was the authorial intent#martha in the end is too kind to ten and ten keeps making her watch his meandering path of self destruction. toxic doomed qprism to ME.#anyway fuck. idk man series 2 consensus was that im dead inside and series 3 consensus is that the version i have of it in my head is peak#series 2 is better but i think because of my ten martha insanity i actually enjoyed watching series 3 more than series 2.#even if i got mad at it more than any other season. i think something is wrong with me. um. lmao#ten and martha#10 era
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bibiana112 · 5 months
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There's nothing wrong with people having their dearest most specialest blorbo be Eric ztd it is unironically good for the ecosystem and I always love seeing the different perspectives from other fans but what I am here today to ask is why is no one like that about Mira. whatever happened to feminism.
#every categorically insane man in this series has their dedicated fans and every popular character also has a bunch of red flags so like#to be fair no one's too crazy about Lotus or Alice either hm like people either outright dislike them conceptually because of their designs#or you know just have an appreciation for them as characters but not quite focusing on them much at all#like me#and like are the tropes that make up her character problematic? yeah! that didn't stop y'all from liking Saito a whole lot#now he's better woven into the narrative of the game he's in but then my point's back to Eric lol#like it is just fucking ludicrous the amount of stuff in the whole Series not to mention the game Alone that she's responsible for#but it does feel disconnected (being responsible for the Kurashiki's parents deaths)#frustrating (being responsible for injecting Phi whith Rad-6)#and overall just kinda glossed over? (beheading Junpei and killing off D-Team that one time because she was in cahoots with Zero)#so like I get why people wouldn't like her she's a bad plot device but THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING#THAT'S NOT REALLY STOPPING ANYONE and it's not even like people are very vocal about hating her either#at most I've seen it be lumped in with some major complains about the game like as a whole#the way we find out so early she's a serial killer it's kinda shocking but not really? it ends up as just kinda ridiculous and underwhelming#imo that's the whole game but again even when it comes to people who Do Like this game#anyways free to reblog I Do wanna talk about this but I am absolutely Not putting this in the tag lmao could you imagine#like is the trope of having one big booba female character per game and for it to be a Defining Characteristic kinda not great? yeah#but also like shrug#we've let Uchikosh get away with worse
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compostingmyself · 2 months
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restraining myself from commenting more on inflammatory FB content. idk why this soon-to-be-divorced misogynist friended me to begin with. i left a link to bo burnham's "lower your expectations" on his post and said nothing else
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bombastrap is very underated
strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree
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Them <3
I've definitely talked about my angsty feelings regarding bombstrap before, so I won't clog your dash; but know that I love them a lot.
I think it definitely picked up steam in the past couple of years compared to the period between the early 2000s and the most recent fandom revival (which was pretty...hmm, for various reasons ngl, and there was *lots* of debate over which ship was "better"), which is nice, so perhaps not *as* underrated as it once was. Either way, lots of performers play up *something* between them, so I am happy either way.
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tbos-main · 10 months
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nate's journey with his ability throughout tbos is so interesting bc he gets so so much stronger and i have to forcibly remind myself of that when im writing book 1 bc tbh... he's supposed to be a little bit shit - by his standards - at this point. like as fun as the bloodbending angle of his ability is you have to remember it's a COMPLETELY FOREIGN EXTENSION OF HIS ACTUAL ABILITY. there's a reason people find it so bonkers that he's able to do that and it's not just the cultural thing that beabelas aren't supposed to have offensive abilities it's bc his original ability is SO fucking far-fetched from what he weaponised it into. like his ability is literally just that his blood heals things. do you know how hard he had to train just to be able to connect with his own blood? to harness his sensitivity to blood into something he could wield? to then extend that to other people? it's CRAZY it's UNHEARD OF it's THE REASON HE'S NATHAIRAN OF KROI and i want to give that credit by showing how he learns his ability over tbos on top of all that learning he's already done. nate is constantly catering his ability to his survival. he cannot stay still or be complacent. he is a killer with healer's hands because that's the world he was born into.
so basically i wanted to do a basic rundown of where his ability is at per book. i'll probs do it as i write so this is a longhaul post, but that depends on how confident i feel about the future books. for now, here's nate's ability as of book 1:
his blood is all-healing. heals any ailment he suffers whether internal or external within a matter of seconds. can also heal other people's ailments by being dripped onto their wound or ingested.
he is sensitive to blood, particularly heightened with his sense of smell. he can smell a massacre from miles away and can hear the heartbeats of those in his immediate vicinity. being surrounded by too much blood/injury thus causes sensory overload for him. this can be fatal if he doesn't remove himself as it sends him into a 'cycle' of feeling the negative physical symptoms, his blood trying to heal them, the action of continuing to 'heal' exhausting him further and exacerbating the overload, and again and again until he collapses.
he can bloodbend his own blood easily and continuously without exhausting himself. he doesn't really have much use for this but having such a thorough knowledge of his own blood enables discoveries in the future (nate being a trailblazer of medical research bc he randomly realises one day that there are hormones in the bloodstream and he can start fucking with people's emotions. evil gang evil gang). as of book 1, he mainly uses this ability to control his own blood to try and figure out a way to regenerate his blood cells quicker, but he hasn't figured anything out yet.
he can bloodbend a single person's blood easily and continuously, but he will exhaust himself sooner or later if they're unwilling. this is because he's having to bloodbend - already an unnatural ability - while also having to actively fight the person he's bloodbending. he's mastered it enough that, regardless of how hard they fight, he can do it to one person like it's nothing. however, if he's done it individually to a few people in rapid succession, it exhausts him only slightly slower than it would have done if he grabbed them all at once, so it's risky and generally is something he avoids.
he can bloodbend multiple people at once, but it exhausts him very rapidly which can be dangerous because exhaustion is a HUGE deal. being so hard to kill, blood loss and exhaustion are basically the only two things that can kill him (the sensory overload falls under exhaustion, as well as being too cold and shit like that - the whole deal with exhaustion being able to kill him is that his own ability basically turns against him because his attempts to heal himself make things worse and worse until it pushes him over the edge). in book 1, his stamina with his ability when it comes to controlling several bodies is very, very limited and he's only done it a handful of times. he does it to the mob in basetu and kills twelve out of sixteen of them, but is left so exhausted by it that he's arrested and doesn't even fight. he needs a proper, thorough rest with limited stimulus after depleting his energy like that, but being arrested, he has to keep his guard up and can't get that rest, so we see that this exhaustion thing is STILL an issue over a week later bc that's how big a deal it is for him. his ability won't just recharge itself over time and not getting the rest he needs can cripple him.
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the-composer · 26 days
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When he Ascended, he’d wanted more than anything to excise his humanity from his Soul’s composition. He’d been convinced that part of him would be left in the ashes of his death from which he rose, anew. But for a demigod, that’s not the case.
His humanity represented everything that was wrong with his life and broken inside him. The last thing he wanted was to tote that baggage into the afterlife. It was a second chance, but not necessarily a clean slate. What the Composer couldn’t carve out of him, he’d bury. What he couldn’t bury, he’d doggedly disregard. Simply pretend it didn’t exist — which would prove much harder than he thought when the novelty of being a veritable god wore off and all the afflictions of Yoshiya crept back in. The mental malaise, the distorted thinking, unstable emotions, loneliness, the ennui —
His human half is weak. Inefficient. Disruptive. Messy. It forcefully reminded him how to dread, ache, and cry.
To cope, he had to develop resilience through spiritual evolution by harnessing his divinity enough for the two warring divions to co-exist. 
He didn’t get there on his own. Most of the progress was catalyzed by others, and by learning to love, and to trust, and lean into those to be vulnerable in a way he never could as a human.
The human embodiment known as Yoshiya was finally accepted by Joshua and assimilated. In spite of his neuroses and, he’d go on to build an empire that’s unrivaled by anything the Higher Plane had ever seen. Ironically, it’s that pesky humanity that set him apart and lended itself to much of his success in relating to those he served.
It’s yet to be proven that a Composer’s existence is interminable, or invincible for that matter. Shibuya’s Composier is on record as one of the longest standing, but the Higher Plane could remove any Composer at any given time. If Shibuya’s Composer wished to rule without that looming fear, transformative changes needed to be made.
The second Ascension came as a surprise; it was premeditated but not by Joshua, not like his initial choice to cross over. With the aid of his disciple, he climbed the ladder to the stars, reaching the apex of his consciousness — fully apotheosized.
Strangely, it didn’t feel much different. It didn’t feel like anything. He didn’t feel anything. He could hear, see, and comprehend everything outside of himself, but inside it’s utter silence. Did he finally lose it — what made him human?
Ironically, it terrified him. It hit hard. There was a period of deep irreconcilable panic that he couldn’t describe, much less rationalize. What he’d wanted for so long…
The epiphany is profound. Joshua realizes that it’s his humanity that made him special. His human emotions allowed him to feel trust and love, to be open and be seen and change for the better.
If his human side disappeared, what would that leave him? A God that could no longer relate, that could no longer care, and most importantly could no longer be with them, be among them, be human.
He searched and searched and searched until he found his truth:
You will never be human again. That part of you is gone. There is no going back, which will hurt and must be grieved. But —
Your humanity is ingrained in you. There’s a difference between being a human and possessing humanity. That is what makes you special. That is what makes you an exceptional Composer, and a God to be lauded.
The fact you even feared such a thing speaks to how deserving you are. You will always belong to your people, and you don’t have to give up a shred of your humanity to be with them. You have lost nothing you haven't been ready to release and gained more than you ever imagined you'd ever hold. Congratulations, Yoshiya Joshua Kiryu ~
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energonnaccinos · 1 year
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concept: Astrotrain joins an online trainspotting group
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solvicrafts · 10 months
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As much as I am enjoying Sellswords, I have this nagging thought in the back of my mind that just won't leave:
I miss Valas.
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