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sluttywonwoo · 7 months

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instead of you [part twenty-seven] || l.mh

pairing: [best friend’s brother] lee minho x college!reader ft. han jisung

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either.

warnings: swearing, angst, menstruation, smut (mdni)

word count: 5.5k

a/n: revamped my tom holland series from my main blog ( @wazzupmrstark ) to try and motivate myself to finish it!!

series masterlist | early access to the next chapter on ko-fi

additional smut warnings: period sex, shower sex, protected sex, oral (m receiving)

Jisung was still asleep when you snuck back into your room. You weren’t sure if he had woken up at any point while you were gone, but if he had he hadn’t tried to figure out where you’d disappeared to. You hadn’t gotten any notifications while you were out.

You thought you’d feel guiltier after sleeping with Minho, but you didn’t feel much of anything. Maybe it was the post-nut haze you were still in… or maybe your body simply wasn’t capable of feeling any more guilt than it already had. You had already resigned yourself to a situation in which there was no winner. Maybe that had overridden everything else.

You were still sore when you woke up a few hours later. That was to be expected, but you still groaned in complaint upon rolling out of bed.

“What’s wrong?” Jisung mumbled from beside you.

“My… back hurts,” you lied, hoping he was too out of it to catch it. You did have back problems, but they weren’t bothering you at the moment- at least not in the way you were letting Jisung think they were.

“Need some ibuprofen?” he asked.

“Maybe.”

You grabbed your toothbrush and retainer case from your suitcase before he could say anything else. For the first time, it seemed like you were up earlier than everyone else. You didn’t hear anyone out in the kitchen and all of the bedroom doors were closed. You were able to brush your teeth in peace without feeling rushed. You took your time getting ready, washing your face and applying sunscreen- two things that you knew would make your friends back home proud if they could see you doing it. For the first time ever, it felt like you were actually having a pleasant morning. Until you noticed a drop of blood on the floor. Confused, you looked around to see where the source could be. A quick glance at the mirror confirmed that it wasn’t a nosebleed. Your mouth and ears were fine too. Then it dawned on you. You looked down at your shorts to see that you’d started your period and bled right through them.

“Fuck me,” you hissed to yourself, jumping when your best friend chimed in behind you. You didn’t even know you’d left the door open.

“Don’t I do that enough already?”

You whipped your head around to glare at him. His smile dropped when he realized what was happening.

“I’ll get you a change of clothes,” he said and disappeared.

You stood there helplessly until he came back, thanking him quietly when he handed you a pair of his own sweatpants.

“Was there any on the sheets?” you asked, already mortified.

“No, they’re fine. Don’t worry.”

“Ok, thank you.”

“Of course.” He lingered in the bathroom for another moment. “Do you… have what you need?”

“Yeah, I have some leftover pads from last time. Can you grab me one, actually? They’re in the front pocket of my suitcase.”

He nodded. “Be right back.”

As you watched him leave, familiar tendrils of guilt began to curl in your stomach. It really had been post-nut haze that clouded you. You were a fool for thinking it was anything different.

Jisung reappeared with a pad in hand and traded you for your dirty clothes.

“I’ll call the lobby and ask for a laundry bag,” he said.

“You don’t have to do that,” you groaned.

He walked away before you could say anything else. “I’m already doing it!”

“No wonder your back is hurting,” Jisung said sympathetically, rubbing his hand across your shoulders soothingly as you sat in the living room together. “I can rub it later, if you want.”

You nodded absentmindedly, too deep in self-pity to be appreciative. Your best friend was too good for you. But then, you had always known that. You were a bad influence on him from the start. He had never so much as touched a joint before he met you, let alone stolen anything. Friends were supposed to make each other better people, they were supposed to mutually benefit from the relationship, and yet most of the time it felt like it was completely one-sided. Jisung did so much for you. And how do you repay him? By fucking his brother.

“Are you going to be good to travel today?” he asked. “We’re supposed to be at the airport in a couple of hours, but we can stay back if you’d rather.”

He was referring to the short little excursion everyone was taking to Beijing. It would only be for a few days, kind of like what you did in Japan. China was just such a big country that it was impossible to experience it from only one city. You were supposed to be flying from Beijing to Minho’s choice, but you assumed Jisung was suggesting that you’d just meet the rest of his family there.

“It’ll be fine,” you assured him. “I was really looking forward to Beijing.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

He put his hand on your knee and squeezed it before standing up. “I’m going to go pick up the laundry from downstairs if you wanna finish packing our things.”

You nodded in agreement, lingering on the couch for a moment longer after he’d let himself out.

You knew Jisung didn’t really care about organization so you threw his clothes into his suitcase without much consideration for where things should go. Nothing was folded or sorted. As long as the suitcase would zip, you figured that was enough. It was the same for your own bags. All of your clothes were consistently wrinkly because of the way you packed, but you couldn’t be bothered to change the habit.

“Where’s Ji?” The voice belonged to Minho, who was leaning against the frame of your bedroom door. You hadn’t even heard him approach.

“He went downstairs to get something,” you explained, too embarrassed to go into detail about the fact that you had bled through your pajamas.

“Oh, okay.” He took a step past the threshold, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you feeling alright? Still sore?”

“I started my period,” you muttered. “Wasn’t supposed to get it for another few days.”

“Must’ve fucked you so hard it came early,” he said smugly, yelping when you threw Shang the shark at him. “It’s a real thing!” he cried in defense, “we read about it in biology!”

“You paid attention in biology?”

Minho scoffed. “Ouch.”

“Oh please, tell me I’m wrong.” He didn’t. “That’s what I thought. Give me my shark back.” You yanked it from his grasp and shoved it into your suitcase

“You’re the one who threw it at me!”

“And you’re the one who was implying he railed me so hard you made me start my period!”

“I mean, that probably is what happened.”

“Don’t give yourself so much credit,” you sighed.

“What, you’ve had it harder?” he asked, suddenly not looking so pleased with himself.

“That’s not what I meant. I was trying to say that it’s probably a combination of factors, but now that you mention it…”

“Damn, guess I have something to prove next time, then.”

“Next time? That’s a bold assumption.”

“My bad, I shouldn’t have taken making you cum twice as a good sign.”

You swatted at him, but he easily dodged you. “I mean if you really want to take credit for something that’s making me feel miserable, be my guest.”

He frowned. “I don’t. I’ll just keep the two orgasms on my roster. For now.”

In the distance, you heard the front door to the penthouse open and close and gave Minho a look. He took a step backward, putting space in between you just in time for Jisung to come in. Jisung handed you the bag of clean clothes and slung an arm around your waist as he turned his attention to his older brother.

“Something up?” he asked, likely wondering why you were having a conversation with Minho.

“No, I was just talking to her about the flight.”

“What about it?”

Minho glanced towards you, silently asking you to take the lead.

“He wanted to know what seat you had, but I told him I didn’t know,” you lied.

Funny how easy it was for you to lie these days, especially to your best friend who had always been able to see right through you. Jisung looked to Minho as if to confirm your claim and he nodded.

“Yeah, I think I’m in the middle of you guys, and I was wondering if you wanted to switch.”

“Sure, I’ll switch with you,” Jisung agreed.

“By the way, thanks for grabbing this, babe,” you said, changing the subject and kissing him on the cheek. You saw Minho stiffen out of the corner of your eye.

“No problem. Are we all packed?”

“Yep. We should probably check the bathroom to make sure we got all our stuff, but I grabbed everything from the bedroom.”

“I’ll go do that.”

You watched him leave and then glared at his brother. “Get it together.”

As it turned out, Minho did have the seat in between you and Jisung. He traded with Jisung, leaving his younger brother in the middle and himself in the aisle seat. You sat leaned up against the window, trying to nap. The flight from Shanghai to Beijing was only around two hours long, but seeing as you only got a few hours of sleep the night before you were taking any opportunity that you could to get a little more.

You were able to drift off a couple of times, but never for long. Your cramps were starting to bother you and the discomfort made it difficult to relax. Jisung and Minho both noticed your restlessness, though Jisung was the only one to say anything about it.

“Do you want some painkillers now?” he asked.

“Yes please,” you mumbled.

He let you have a sip from his water bottle as you swallowed the pills. You smiled gratefully and slumped back in your seat, sighing in relief when he put his warm hand against your back. One of the many perks of having a best friend who ran hot was that he acted like a personal heating pad whenever you needed him to be. That was just one of the many reasons you held hands so often. He was like Jacob Black without the wolf part… or the weird obsession with your unborn child.

“A little better?”

“Mhm, thank you.”

“‘Course, baby.”

He kept his hand there until the plane landed.

Baggage claim was easy this time around. It helped that you didn’t have to go through customs. It felt like you were in a cab before you could blink, watching the airport disappear into the background through the window.

Apparently, the Hans were tired of “family time” because you all had your own separate rooms again. It was nice to have a bit of space to yourself, but you wondered how it was going to work with Minho… if it would work at all. He was sharing a room with Felix again, and it was right next door, meaning you wouldn’t be able to sneak off in the middle of the night. You were on your period anyway, so maybe it was for the best.

You dropped your things off in the rooms and changed into your matching t-shirts before taking another cab to the bus station where you’d spend an hour driving to the Great Wall. It was a hassle to get there, but it had been the thing you were most looking forward to on the trip so you were hyped.

Not even being sore or bleeding through your clothes or barely getting any sleep or being forced to wear matching shirts could dim your excitement. You were determined to enjoy it.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay doing all this walking?” Jisung asked as he trailed behind you up the steps to the main walkway.

“I’ll be fine,” you assured him.

You were in fact, not fine. And Felix pointed that out not even ten minutes into the trek. You had started to hunch over as you walked in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure from your abdomen. You had already been limping a little from the damage Minho had done, and you were positive the cramps were only making you look worse.

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

“Perfect, why do you ask,” you answered sarcastically.

“She’s not feeling the best,” Jisung supplied for you.

“I can see that. Should she go back to the hotel?”

Your best friend shook his head. “No, she was really looking forward to this.”

“I’m having a great time!” you tried, even though it was evident that neither of the twins were buying it.

“Ok.”

When the sun began to set, Nikki insisted that everyone take a photo together so that she could update her book club friends about how the trip was going. She also mentioned wanting to send it to the boys’ grandparents. You assumed it’d be a family picture and offered to be the photographer, but she flagged down another random tourist to take it so that you could be in it with them.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she’d said, beckoning you over to the rest of the family. “You’ve been on this trip with us the whole time, of course you’re going to be in the picture!”

You shuffled awkwardly over to the group and slotted yourself in between Jisung and Felix, leaning against Jisung’s shoulder slightly. You smiled as the nice woman snapped a couple of pictures, praying you didn’t look as terrible as you felt.

Jisung hung back with you while everyone else pushed forward. You were still walking along the wall, just at a slower pace than the rest. Somehow you were able to catch up with them a little later. They had stopped to take in the views of the mountains. Felix was trying to set up a shot with his Canon and called Jisung over to help, leaving you standing back with Minho.

You hadn’t spoken to him much since the morning. There seemed to still be an unspoken agreement between you to keep your distance from each other around the others, which was perfectly fine by you. You were paranoid that spending any amount of time with him would lead to suspicion. He was on the same page. Somewhat.

“How are you feeling?” he asked when you bent down beside him.

You could tell he was worried from the way he knit his brows together as he watched you try not to crumble on the ground.

“Everything hurts,” you groaned, holding your stomach.

Minho grinned. “You know what helps with cramps?”

“Don’t say it-”

“Cumming.”

It had only been roughly twenty-four hours since you slept with Minho for the first time, but as he kissed down the expanse of your thigh you felt as though it had been an eternity.

You hadn’t realized Minho had his own hotel room where you were staying in Beijing- you had been under the impression that he was sharing the room with Felix that was right next door to yours. Maybe he had secretly booked his own for this exact reason as he had in Shanghai. You didn’t really care either way, as long as there wasn’t a chance of either of the twins barging in on you.

In fact, Jisung and Felix were out together while you were here in Minho’s bed. Felix had seen an advert for some late-night martial arts exhibition and wanted to go because he and Jisung had taken karate when they were little. He’d said something about wanting to see how good they could’ve been if they never quit. You were quite fond of Felix’s sense of nostalgia. He reminded you of yourself a bit in that way.

Jisung had protested at first, arguing that he needed to take care of you since you weren’t feeling well, but you insisted he go. You were just planning on taking some Midol and knocking out anyway, there wasn’t anything he needed to do. It took a lot of convincing on both your and Felix’s end, but eventually, he caved. You could tell he secretly wanted to go anyway, and you didn’t want him wasting a night of vacation stuck in a hotel room.

You honestly hadn’t planned on going back to Minho’s room again. You’d brushed the silly little comment he’d made at the Great Wall off as just that, a silly little comment. You didn’t think he was being serious, but of course, Minho always had to prove you wrong.

In the elevator, after you both bid his parents goodnight, you went to push the button for your own floor, only to be stopped by Minho grabbing your wrist.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Going to my room?”

“Why?”

“To… sleep. What do you mean, ‘why’?”

He paused, looking a little embarrassed. “I just thought you’d come back with me to my room.”

“You were serious earlier?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I have been?”

“I don’t know, I thought it was just some offhand comment, not an invitation.”

“Well it’s an invitation now,” he said pointedly. “You said your cramps were bothering you and cumming is supposed to help with that.”

“When did you become an expert on female anatomy?”

“Do you know how hard it is not to make a joke in response to that statement?”

The elevator dinged on Minho’s floor and you sighed.

“Let’s go.”

That led you to Minho’s bed, where you had your legs spread for him with him on his knees in front of you. His hand crept up to the hem of your shorts, fingers toying with the fabric before you stopped him.

“Wait!”

You pushed on his head to get his attention, making him pop up with a frown. “What is it?”

“You know I’m like, actually on my period, right? It’s not just cramps… I started bleeding and everything already.”

Minho scoffed. “I know.”

“So you… still want to? Don’t feel like you have to-”

“Y/n, what year do you think it is? You know I’m a grown-ass man, right?”

You fidgeted nervously. “No, I know. I just… don’t want you to be grossed out or anything.”

“Period sex isn’t gross,” he assured you. “Do you think it’s gross?”

“N-no, I’m just a little embarrassed, I guess. Like, I get that you’re being nice and trying to be a ‘modern man’, but what if it turns out you don’t like it but don’t want to tell me because you want to save my feelings-”

Minho grabbed your thighs, forcing you to stop rambling and actually look at him. “I’ve had period sex before. I can assure you that I like it. Have you?”

“Yes, well, no- I wasn’t the one on my period so not in that way…”

“It’s okay to be nervous,” he promised. “And if you’d rather not, then we don’t have to, obviously. I can just… rub your back or something to help with the cramps instead.”

The fact that he was so set on making you feel better made your chest ache. It wasn’t like he was trying to talk you into sex, just wanting to get his dick wet, he genuinely wanted to help. You couldn’t think about the implications of that for too long or else you’d spiral. You could tell he felt awkward suggesting something so domestic like rubbing your back, as if he wasn’t sure if he was overstepping by proposing it.

“I want to,” you insisted.

“Are you worried about it being messy? Is that what it is?” he asked. You nodded. “Why don’t we do it in the shower, then?”

“Okay,” you agreed and let him pull you up so that you were sitting.

Then he kissed you, taking you by surprise. You were only frozen for a moment before you melted into the kiss too, letting him cradle your head as he slipped his tongue into your mouth. You whimpered when he broke away.

“You’re sure you want to?” he asked.

“Yes,” you breathed out. “I’m so horny.”

“I’d take that as a compliment, but I know it’s hormones.”

“You can still take it as a compliment. You’re a very good kisser.”

“Is that all I’m good at?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“You’ll have to jog my memory.”

Minho helped you out of your shirt and shorts, leaving you in your underwear. He wasn’t in any rush to get you naked, allowing you to set a pace that you were comfortable with.

“Want to move this to the bathroom?” he asked.

“Yeah, let me just- uh, give me like three minutes to rinse off.”

“Okay,” he said, hiding a smile.

In the bathroom, you hurriedly pulled off your panties and unclipped your bra, setting both on the counter by the sink as you waited for the water to heat up. Once you deemed it warm enough you stepped into the tub and let the water run over your body, gently rinsing yourself with the bar of soap sitting on the ledge.

Minho knocked before he entered. You could hear him undressing from behind the shower curtain and suddenly started to feel self-conscious. It wasn’t like Minho hadn’t seen you naked before, you had literally just slept with him the night before- so why were you so anxious now?

He pulled back the curtain the tiniest bit to peek at you, to see if you were ready for him. You took a tiny step back to give him room and he took that as a sign to join you in the shower. The tub wasn’t the biggest in the world so you were practically squished together as you stood under the showerhead. The forced proximity was flustering you, and the steamy water was doing nothing to help the heat in your cheeks.

If Minho noticed, he didn’t say anything as he leaned forward to kiss you. He pressed his lips to yours and pulled you close, wrapping both arms around your waist.

“You’re so pretty,” he murmured, moving one of his hands down to squeeze your ass. You could only moan in response. With an arm still around you he trailed kisses down your body until he reached your tits, taking one of your nipples in his mouth and humming around it.

You arched your back, pushing your chest into his face.

“S-sensitive,” you whined.

Minho chuckled against you, stimulating you even more and you gasped, bringing your hand to the back of his head to hold him in place.

“I know,” he managed to get out with your boob still in his mouth.

“Please, don’t tease.”

At your request, Minho released his hold on your ass and began giving attention to your clit instead. He used his thumb to rub slow circles on it and you could feel him smile when you shivered. He switched his mouth to your other breast as he continued to play with your clit, picking up the pace ever so subtly.

Your insides were buzzing with pleasure, but it wasn’t enough. He let you rock into his hand, chasing the feeling. He thought you were grinding against his hand, but in reality, you were trying to get him to move his fingers lower and lower until they were inside of you. Eventually, he picked up on this and gave in, but not without teasing you a little more.

He slid two fingers into your cunt at once, but only up to the first knuckle before he was pulling them back out. He repeated the motion a couple of times, turning your knees to jelly. Thankfully, he was able to hold you upright with his free hand to keep you from falling to the shower floor.

You whimpered and pushed your hips forward to try and get him to go deeper, but he just tsked at you and shook his head.

“You could use your words, you know.”

“You know what I want,” you grumbled.

“Do I?”

“I think you have a pretty good idea.”

“Yeah? And what is that?” You groaned and Minho retracted his hand fully, holding it out of reach. “Want to hear you say it, baby.”

“Want your fingers…”

“Where do you want them?”

“Inside of me. Please, Min.”

“Fuck,” he hissed, dick twitching noticeably against your thigh.

Your answer had satisfied him, but you couldn’t stop talking now that you had started. You rambled even after he’d pushed his middle and ring fingers inside of you to the hilt.

“Want you to stretch me out so I can take your cock… please, please, need it.”

“Is your mouth always this filthy?” he asked, though you weren’t sure if he actually wanted an answer.

“Can’t help it,” you rasped out, fucking yourself on his hand now. “It just happens…”

“Happens when you feel good?” he finished the thought for you and you nodded. “Must be doing something right, then.”

“You’re doing everything right,” you moaned.

Feeling full was one thing, and it was good, but then Minho found your g-spot and you nearly blacked out from how amazing it felt. To make it even better for you, he spun you around so that your back was to him and hugged you close. In that position, he could easily rub your clit at the same time he was fingering you. The only drawback was that you couldn’t see his face. It was a small price to pay in exchange for a mindblowing orgasm, one that you were positive he’d give you if he kept up at this rate. You leaned back against him, letting him support most of your weight.

“Close?” he asked, kissing your neck.

You nodded, creeping closer and closer to the edge until you remembered something very important and tapped Minho’s arm to stop him.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

You took a second to catch your breath but nodded to assure him before you were able to explain. “I just remembered that when I’m on my period I can only cum once because it hurts too much to cum again.”

“Okay, so do you want me to edge you or something? Make it last longer?”

“No, no, it’s just that if I’m going to cum I want it to be on your cock.”

“Are you sure? It won’t be too much for you?”

“I’m sure,” you repeated and kissed him for good measure.

“Fuck, okay. Let me, um… let me grab a condom. I didn’t bring one in the bathroom with me.”

You watched as Minho stumbled out of the shower and back into the bedroom, dripping all over the floor. He was back in record time and had already rolled the condom on.

“You sure about this?” he asked.

“Positive. How do you want me?”

“Here, just lean forward a little bit and put your hands on the wall. I’ll do the rest.”

You positioned yourself as he’d instructed and relaxed as much as you could to make the stretch less uncomfortable. He wrapped an arm around you from the back and hoisted one of your thighs up so that he could push himself inside of you. You both sighed in relief when he bottomed out, and you let your forehead rest against the cool tile wall.

“If you feel like you’re gonna fall, just hold on to me, okay?”

“Okay,” you squeaked.

You could barely speak because he was so big and you had yet to adjust, but he just laughed fondly and began to thrust shallowly. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your body practically went slack in Minho’s hold.

The extra lubrication helped you adjust quicker than last time, and the discomfort ebbed into pleasure soon after he’d started moving.

“So full,” you muttered.

“Just like you wanted, right?”

“Mhm.”

Being so sensitive from your period brought you back to the edge in no time at all, and you were struggling not to cum immediately and end it for both of you, even though every nerve in your body was telling you to give in to the white-hot pleasure that was building in the pit of your stomach.

“You gonna cum?” Minho asked when he felt you clenching around him.

“No, not yet,” you choked out.

“What do you mean not yet? If you need to cum, cum.”

“Fuck you,” was all you could manage as your orgasm washed over you. Somehow his words had been what made you lose it.

Minho fucked you through it despite his confusion and only pulled out when you stopped trembling.

“What was that? Why were you cursing me out while I was making you cum?”

“I d-didn’t want to cum yet because you weren’t close. Didn’t want to leave you hanging.”

He scoffed. “This wasn’t about me, it was about helping you feel better.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to make you feel good too.”

“You did make me feel good! Couldn’t you tell I was enjoying it?”

“But you didn’t finish.”

“Sex isn’t always about the orgasms,” Minho mused, “it’s about pleasure, sure, but that doesn’t mean we both have to cum every time. It puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on us, you know?”

“I guess,” you mumbled.

He held your face in his hands and lifted your head so that you were forced to look at him. “Hey, I felt good, okay? I liked it and I had fun. Are your cramps any better?”

“Yeah,” you admitted. “Feeling a lot better, actually.”

Minho beamed. “Good. That’s all I wanted to come out of this.”

“You’re still hard, though.”

He shrugged you off. “I’ll take care of it after we get you cleaned up.”

“Let me,” you offered and kneeled in front of him. The tub wasn’t the most comfortable surface to kneel on, but you were determined to make Minho feel as good as he had made you feel. “Take the condom off.”

“Wha- you don’t have to-”

“I know, I want to.”

Minho looked like he wanted to protest more, but the pout you were giving him won over and he sighed in defeat.

“Fine, as long as you’re sure.”

You nodded eagerly and licked your lips as he removed the condom and tossed it in the bin next to the toilet. You didn’t bother teasing him since he was already fully hard and being especially sweet. Instead, you immediately take him to the back of your throat, smiling internally when he curses and grabs your hair.

“Shit!”

You hummed around his cock and took his balls in one of your hands, massaging them lightly, before you began to bob your head up and down. Each time your nose hit his pelvis he got a little louder, a little more desperate. You loved the effect you have on him and he could tell.

“You’re going to be the fucking death of me.”

You let his cock fall from your lips with a lopsided smile and ran your tongue along the underside of it, paying extra attention to the tip. You took him back in your mouth and laved your tongue over his slit, collecting the precum and using it to further lubricate the shaft of his cock.

“God, you’re good at that,” Minho sighed, letting his head fall back.

You replaced your mouth with your hands. Minho whimpered quietly at the loss, but you just grinned.

“Want to fuck my mouth, baby?”

Minho’s eyes fluttered shut and his stomach muscles tensed at your words. You could barely open your mouth in time for him to cum all over your face, only some of it making it onto your tongue. You swallowed the little bit that did end up in your mouth. Minho gathered some of the remnants from your lips with his thumb and pushed the digit into your mouth, watching you suck it clean. The shower would take care of the rest.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. Just the thought of that made me blow,” Minho apologized sheepishly.

“It’s okay. Another time.”

He gave you a half-hearted smile. “You’re too good to me.”

“I could say the same about you.”

He cleared his throat and changed the subject, dodging the emotional intimacy that he had initiated. “Let’s get you cleaned up and then to bed.”

He helped you wash your hair and was insistent on being the one to lather your body in soap, mentioning something about how you wouldn’t be able to do it as well since you were still in your post-nut haze. You decided not to point out that he was also in a post-nut haze because his hands felt too good on your boobs.

You dried off and got redressed in relative silence, simply enjoying the company of each other which almost never happened. You knew it was late, but when you checked your phone you realized just how late it was. It was almost midnight and you had missed a text from Jisung. He’d only sent it a few minutes ago, but it still made your blood run cold.

Where are you?

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#instead of you stray kids #instead of you skz #iou stray kids #iou skz #stray kids smut #skz smut #lee know smut #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #stray kids x female reader #lee know x female reader #lee know x bi!reader #lino x reader #lee minho x reader #lee know series #stray kids series

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safetycar-restart · 6 months

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KINKTOBER DAY 19: A/B/O [MAX VERSTAPPEN X READER]

NOTE: This is an NSFW fic with omega!max and alpha!reader. If you're under 18 or this is not something you're interested in, then scroll past. If you like what you see here, then check out the rest of my blog :))

This fic is part of a kinktober series where I discuss a different kinky concept with a different motorsports athlete every day. We also discuss the concepts in more detail through asks on my blog so if you have any thoughts, feel free to stop by!

(For a while now we've been discussing the idea of omega!max crashing and then going to heat when a marshal helps him out of the car, I thought that for today's kinktober we could finally give this concept it's own fic! If anyone wants to add their own thoughts or hear more about this, please send in some asks! I'll be tagging everything with 'marshal!reader')

You watch from your marshal post as a red bull goes wide and hits the barriers, the car spins twice and then settles, losing a wheel in the process. You wait until the yellow flag is out and then rush forward to collect the debris, as you have been trained.

You check on the driver, realising it's max when you see the number on the car. You try to confirm he's conscious, but when he spots you he motions for help getting out the car. There are other marshals already clearing the debris so you do as he asks.

The moment he's out the car, he's frantically trying to get his helmet off. He appears unharmed, but you can smell the fear off him from a mile away.

The moment his helmet is off, he takes a few deep breaths, looks at you, and then just drops his helmet and gloves and dives into your arms. You nearly both topple down, having not expected it, but luckily you manage to catch him.

He whines high in his throat, turning his neck to the side as he clings to you and that's when you smell it. The scent of slick finally making itself known.

You realise he's in heat.

You try to back away, knowing you're unmated alpha and that he must be reacting to you. But he whines and clings to you even tighter, refusing to let you go.

"Don't leave," he mumbles against you, "please don't leave."

The medical car arrives but max still refuses to let you go, trying to hide against your neck.

The doctor ends up telling you to come with him, knowing that trying to get an omega in heat away from an alpha they've chosen is a losing battle. You don't want to leave your post, but your instincts are completely honed into the omega who won't let you go.

You know you have to go with them.

Max is whining the whole car ride to the medical centre, hissing at the doctor when he opens the door when they arrive. You have to coax Max out of the car, promising him that you're coming with and that you won't leave him.

Not that you would ever want to leave him.

They end up injecting heat suppressants into his arm, which calms him down enough that you can convince him to let you go and escape out the medical centre.

It hurts so much, because all your instincts are screaming at you to go back and look after the omega who has chosen you. But logically you know that's not the case. Max must have gone into a shock heat when he crashed, and you were simply the first alpha he encountered. He doesn't even know your name, there's no way it's anything more than instincts and now that he's been giving suppressants, you're sure he's going to be mortified once he can think straight.

So you leave.

What you dont know though, is that the suppressants stop working after a few hours and he asks for the marshal who helped him. They offer him several toys and other alphas, even Daniel shows up to offer to help. Max turns everyone down, crying out for the marshal.

#kinktober tag #omega!max #mv #gn!reader #marshal!reader

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rillils · 2 months

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post fall bucky having a fear of heights?? ive always thought that he'd be afraid of heights, like he wasnt afraid of it at all before his fall, go ask steve. but after falling?? he tries to hide it from steve, how scared he is.. and steve, bless his poor soul, he blames himself for not realizing sooner, he thinks he shouldve known, he couldnt possibly have. hes always seen bucky as this brave courage man, and bucky didnt want to ruin steve's image of him worse than he already think he did. and oh my fucking god

THE POST PLANE CRASH STEVE BEING AFRAID OF TIGHT SPACES?? BECAUSE IT BRINGS HIM BACK TO FEELING THE COLD SEEP IN THROUGH HIS VERY BONES WHILE HE GETS CRUSHED BY ALL THE WATER, ICE, AND DEBRIS?? DONT GET ME STARTED OH MY GOD

HONEY I FEEL LIKE YOUR LEVEL OF CRUELTY TOWARDS ME SPECIFICALLY IS REACHING DANGEROUS LEVELS HERE

but I get it, I getchu hon, sometimes we just gotta put the blorbos in a Situation™, that's how we roll.

but holy shit 😭😭😭

I mean god, Bucky-

imagine how tough it must be for him, every time they're on a mission, 'cause he's first and foremost a sniper, isn't he? and for him, that often involves perching on the roof of really high buildings, and keeping as still as possible for as long as necessary - and above all, keeping a steady hand, because what is a sniper supposed to be if not precise and lethal and reliable?

and factor in all the other possible contingencies, too! like having to bolt if he's spotted by the enemy, and having to climb back down in a rush. or helping chase after the bad guys from rooftop to rooftop. or when, god forbid, they have to jump out of a plane and parachute themselves to a certain site.

it's an absolute nightmare for Bucky, but he just keeps trying to tough it out, right? grit his teeth, push through even when his flesh palm is clammy with sweat, even when his stomach is churning and his legs feel like jelly, even when his hands start shaking despite his best efforts to hold them still. it's scary and mortifying all at once, and he can't bring himself to say anything about it to anyone, especially to Steve. because he knows Steve would try to suggest he take it easy and stay behind, while Steve himself is out there risking his neck, and the very notion makes Bucky feel sick.

so he's just desperately hanging in there, right?

until something happens. he's dizzy, his hands are shaking too bad, he flubs a shot, Steve almost gets killed because of it. Bucky snaps. this is the last straw. he's done.

I mean, imagine how it must tear. him. apart. how horribly it must hurt him to admit to himself that he can't go on like this anymore. because on the one hand, fuck it all to hell, he's supposed to be by Steve's side! watch his six, protect him, make sure he makes it home in one piece! it's what Bucky's been doing ever since they were kids, it's a fundamental part of who he is! to even imagine letting Steve walk into a fight alone - no, not 'alone', without Bucky - is unthinkable. it's like denying himself a basic need. like denying who Bucky is, what he feels he was born to do, a biological imperative.

but. on the other hand, the thought of putting Steve in danger, of Steve getting hurt (or worse) because Bucky couldn't do his job properly, is even more unbearable.

Steve counts on him, trusts him with his life - as he should be able to do, if they're going to be a team - but how can Bucky allow that anymore, now that he can't even trust himself? how can he be what Steve needs, if he's going to let him down when Steve needs him the most? how would he ever forgive himself if something happened to Steve because of him?

he barely holds himself together until they get home, and then he just, he breaks down. stumbles over to the couch, crumples in on himself, trembling, pale like a ghost, taking in big gulps of air like he'll drown otherwise. telling a worried Steve, who's crouching next to him in a heartbeat, "I can't do this anymore".

now Steve, he had noticed that something was off for a while now, and Bucky's words just confirm what he already suspected. he thinks, of course Bucky's sick of this, of course he doesn't want to fight anymore - god knows he's got plenty of reasons to want to leave all this shit behind.

Steve could never imagine what the actual issue is, here - not until he's trying to tell Bucky that it's his right to retire if that's what he wants, that of course Steve supports him, and Bucky interrupts him to confess, in between sobs, where exactly the problem lies, and how he fears he's no longer fit to accompany Steve on missions, 'cause he'd risk becoming a liability rather than backup.

CUE A WHOLE SHITTON OF FEELS because fuck, how long has Bucky been feeling this way, and how did Steve not realize it sooner, and the way Steve's face twists with guilt when he wonders where this fear of heights might come from, and gives himself the most obvious amd most fucking heartbreaking answer, and Bucky can tell that he's hurting and blaming himself and they're just BOTH hurting and blaming themselves and hfgskfjskks HONEY WE'RE SPEEDRUNNING THROUGH ALL THE STAGES OF GRIEF HERE HELP

no, but. they're gonna have an honest conversation about this, okay? painful, yes, but also liberating. they're going to air out some of that hurt, and actually let it heal out in the open for once.

I figure there's gonna be lots of bargaining first, on both parts, like Bucky arguing that he could still fight, just maybe stick to the ground instead, and Steve telling him that he doesn't have to, and really he'd be happier knowing that Bucky's safe at home and not forcing himself into dangerous situations, and Bucky grumbling 'cause oh how the tables have turned, and just, you know, trying to find a way to compromise.

I think, maybe this is how Steve first starts to really, genuinely consider retiring, himself. like, not just picturing it in a distant, wistful way, oh wouldn't it be nice if we could do that, etc - but really, really entertaining the idea. letting himself plan it out. talking about it with Bucky, even with Sam and Nat, giving himself the chance to consider another kind of life. after all, there are plenty of battles to fight in the world, and not all of them require fists and guns, right? and if he can fight those battles too alongside Bucky, then so much the better 💖

CLAUSTROPHOBIC STEVE THOUGH OMG

somehow the first thing that comes to mind is that one scene from CATWS, when he and Nat find Zola's computerized ass and he blows up the building, and they're stuck in a tiny hole under all the rubble until Steve gets them both out. I CAN PICTURE ONLY TOO VIVIDLY HOW FUCKING SCARY THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR HIM, OH MY GOD

as somebody who shares that kind of phobia, may I submit to you one of the most obvious, most mundane monsters he might face: ELEVATORS. especially of the narrow, non-see through kind, where you're literally locked inside a metal box until it releases you from that torment. IF IT DOES. like honey the anxiety is real af okay

in the spirit of putting the blorbos in a Situation™, please picture them both in an old-fashioned elevator.

Steve hasn't mentioned his fear to Bucky, he's just been lucky so far, so he didn't have to bring it up. but the stupid thing is so slow, and the space inside is so small, and sure, Steve never minded being in Bucky's close proximity, but he can't stop thinking about getting the fuck out of there asap.

at some point the fucking thing stops, and oh good god they're stuck inside, and it's gonna take a while for help to come.

and Bucky, sweet, horny, unsuspecting Bucky, just makes a little joke about knowing just how they could pass the time until then, wink wink. he crowds Steve back against the already narrow wall, starts sucking languid kisses into Steve's neck-- and Steve's frozen, breathing in quick shallow breaths that could be mistaken for gasps of pleasure, holding onto Bucky with an iron grip because he can feel himself spiraling into panic, heart racing wildly, eyes darting from wall to wall like he can see them rapidly closing in on him, suffocating him, squeezing him in--

and it takes a moment for Bucky to realize what's really going on, but when he pulls back and sees Steve so terrified, hyperventilating and about ten seconds away from passing out, he switches into Protective Boyfriend mode like *snaps fingers*

he's like, "sweetheart, what's wrong?", and the second Steve gasps "out, I need to get outta here, now", Bucky springs into action and pries the elevator's door open with his bare hands, helping Steve climb out (the next floor was already into view) and following suit.

of course they're gonna talk about it (and realize that they should maybe stop hiding their respective fears from each other), and from then on... yep, they stick to stairs <3

#stucky just stucky #stucky #this got long i'm so sorry #also #i really wanted to scribble a little thing about this - either headcanon or possibly even both - like a decent-looking fic you know #but the braincell refused to cooperate :'(#either way HONEY I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU MAKE ME AND THE BOYS SUFFER LIKE THIS #*SCREECHES*#i hope the read-more works ahsdjkshdkjsh

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hangmanssunnies · 1 year

Text

Good Comes In 3

House We Share: Double Tap, Sfumato, Good Comes In 3

Summary: You and Jake navigate what it means to spend six months apart. Then, when he does come home, you two have to evaluate precisely what feelings you have for each other and also what a future together could mean. You just aren't sure he will ever forgive you for starting a puzzle without him.

Pairings: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Fem! Civilian! Reader, minor Javy "Coyote" Machado x OC

Word count: 34K

AO3 Link

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending, Abuse (Implied), Slow burn, routines and compulsions, Jigsaw puzzles, Rejection, Drinking, Arguments, Yearning, Deployment, communication, Fertility problems, miscarriage (discussed), menstruation (discussed and lightly described), close female friendships, Depressive episodes, PTSD, roommates to lovers, love confessions, hyper-specific!Jake, Neurodivergent coded! Jake. Please let me know if I missed any for this part; I know it is a long one.

An: Unfortunately, this last part was too long to post altogether here on Tumblr. So I have included the first half here, the rest can be read on AO3 though. My first reblog of this here on Tumblr has the other half as well. I apologize for the inconvenience.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you all for loving this version of Jake. There were so many things I wanted to include and finish off for these two. While I couldn't include everything, I hope you enjoy what I did.

Thank you so much if you take a chance to read this work. I hope you enjoy it. My inbox is always open if you want to let me know your thoughts. Reblogs with your thoughts, opinions, and tags are gold to me. I love reading through them.

"Jake looked tired. Has he told you how he's been sleeping?" Marlee asks you curiously while chatting with you on the phone. The question causes your stomach to roll in a deep dive, and it takes you a moment to find the composure to respond.

"No, I haven't heard," you manage to tell her. Setting down the piece of fruit you had been about to eat, you lean back against the kitchen counter.

"Ah, well, will you ask him about it whenever you next talk? He wouldn't answer Javy or me about it when we asked."

"You and Javy are joined at the hip, practically the same person sometimes. Do you find that shocking?" You ask Marlee teasingly. Marlee chuckles at your comment. Her smile betrays her true feelings, though she likes how in sync she and Javy are generally considered.

"We are sometimes." Marlee concedes but then says frankly, "But even when Javy had his individual call with Jake, he wouldn't say. And you are the only other person I can imagine him opening up to,"

"I'll mention it next time I talk to him," you manage to say. It would just be one of the many things that you were supposed to be talking to Jake about on his deployment. It was easier to go along with their assumption than to flay your chest open and let the hurt you felt pour out.

Sometimes it's better, easier, to keep the kind of pain you felt to yourself. Bundled close and protected. To expose it would just make it hurt all the more. The idea of anyone, especially your closest friends, knowing you weren't important enough, or you had scared Jake away, or made some other mishap was mortifying. How could you go about explaining what had transpired? You weren't sure you could explain it. Also, Javy and Marlee had plenty of other things and people to worry about without having to add you higher on their list than you were already placed. You felt bad each week when one of them called you to check in begging, sometimes demanding that you hang out with them.

"Okay, I'll talk to you later then, babes. I love you!"

"I love you too, Marlee," you say, giving her the sweetest, kindest tone you can muster up. You end the call and walk over to the chalkboard in the kitchen.

Jake normally would draw seasonal decorations on it, but you had cleared it to be blank for notes months ago. The only thing on the board is a list you had titled: things to talk to Jake about. You add 'sleeping habits' to the bottom and frown. Reading through the list makes tears prick at the back of your eyes, and a lump forms in your throat. You hold the eraser poised for a moment, ready to trash the entire list, but you don't manage to follow through and drop the eraser, letting it fall to the ground.

You walk through the house, checking the locks and turning off the lights. The sadness and frustration you feel in you is still bubbling as you pass where Jake had unceremoniously left the large Juniper chest. You glare at it just like you do every night.

The morning Jake left, he'd woken you up with his thumb tracing your pulse point. His soft mostly lidded eyes trained on you, neither of you said anything just laying there quietly memorizing the moment. Neither of you could bear to get up until after the third alarm rang. The sun still hadn't crested the horizon when Jake went to shower. While he was occupied you stole one of his large Navy shirts that had been washed so many times it was soft. You are reluctant to leave his room, but make your way to the kitchen starting some breakfast and Jake's morning tea. You were just adding the dollop of honey he likes when he came downstairs, fully dressed and ready to leave you.

Jake thanked you sweetly, with a kiss pressed to your cheek. In the same breath he tried to steal the whisk out of your hand. You danced out of way holding the whisk out like a sword to ward him off. He had quickly grabbed the masher from the utensil jar and brandished it in response. Amusement filling his features. After a small chase around the kitchen which included a small clash of utensils, Jake got his way. You loved the way Jake's eyes crinkled and how charming his dimples and smile lines were. It was a look you almost always got anytime you let him do things for you. Jake had still let you help though, asking you to toast the sourdough bread, while he whipped the avocado, goat cheese, and honey together. Once it was the constituency he liked, Jake spread it on the toast sprinkling some sea salt on top. He made one for you as well, but you had already started cooking three eggs for him, and didn't really have an appetite. After Jake ate, you spent every minute waiting for Coyote to arrive for pick up wrapped tightly in Jake's arms.

"There is one last thing I need before I go," Jake had said.

"I can't give it to you this time," you said muffled, trying hard not to cry on his whites.

"Just one smile." Jake pleaded with his large warm hand lifting your chin so he could stare at you intently again.

"No, Jake." He frowned at your answer, eyebrows pulling tight together.

"I suppose I've reached my limit on things I can take from you." Jake puffed out with a quiet sigh. The tip of Jake's nose had dragged softly across your forehead before pressing a soft kiss to the center. He lingered there, breathing you in.

"Thank you for everything, my sweet," Jake whispered quietly.

Your breath hitched in your throat, and you tried to pull him as close and tight to you as possible again. Jake allowed you to hug him, but he didn't relax into the embrace like he normally would have. He was almost stiff in your hold, but one of his hands traced slowly over your back in a soothing motion. When Coyote's headlights had inevitably shown through the frosted window on the door, Jake carefully detangled himself from your arms. He lingered though practically trembling.

"I can't do it," Jake whispered, leaving his forehead pressed to yours.

"It's not optional, and there isn't anything Hangman can't do. Let alone something you've done before," you reassured him. It didn't seem to work as he tensed up more.

"Promise me you'll be okay," Jake had begged you. You had nodded yes in response, saying the word would have tasted too close to a lie. Jake's nose nudged yours and he asked again. The second time was much closer to a desperate demand, "promise me."

"If you be safe," you had compromised, wanting to savor every second ticking by that you would never get back. This last time you would be in the same space sharing the same air, for an undetermined amount of time. With a resolve you knew you didn't possess, Jake mouthed the words goodbye he was so close that his lips brushed yours as he did so. With a shaky inhale, Jake stepped away from you. His first two steps hadn't hurt so much, but the third as he exited the front door took all the air with him, including the bit trapped in your lungs. It was a sense of instant emptiness you had never experienced before. Everything you wanted to do seemed impossible when you couldn't even breathe. So there was no running after him for one more stolen moment, no collapsing against the floor, sobbing until your throat was raw, no more reassuring green eyes you could look to for comfort.

The hollow feeling that nestled into you was hard to find your balance with. You had thrown the lock on the door and stumbled through the house, ready to retreat back into Jake's bed. Well aware his scent would be gone sooner rather than later, you were determined to imprint as much of it to memory as possible. You are blindsided by pain shooting up your foot as you unexpectedly stubbed your toe. Cursing and looking down you realized there was now a new piece of furniture. Jake had left a hand made juniper chest Jake left sitting in the area between the living room and dining room. On top was a small note card with a watercolor of two very detailed puzzle pieces.

You stare so hard at the water colored pieces trying to parse their meaning the focus of your visions started to blur. The rapid blink forced tears to lubricate the area. However, when there is one tear there are others quick to follow. Just as a tear had splashed against the edge of the card you recognized the duplicates of the last two pieces you and Jake had double tapped into your last puzzle. On the back of the card stock was the drawn design of the chest, with all of Jake's neat measurements noted. You traced over his neat handwriting, and you were quick to quell your disappointment not finding more. That confusion and disappointment was impossible to ignore when you had gone to see what was inside and it was locked, the latch refusing to open.

Now, after 6 and ½ months of radio silence, the chest taunted you. His entire deployment, there hadn't been a single word to you. Your only source of information was occasionally hearing from Coyote and Marlee about how Hangman was doing. And there was the memory of him, a large empty house, and a locked chest that was too heavy for you to move.

You kick the side of the chest as you walk past it. It has become a tradition for you – this small abuse of the furniture while pacing before bed was a small soothing habit that helped you work some of your worries out. Once the feeling of missing Jake had settled into a dull, steady pain there was room for anger. You were furious and the only thing you had to take it out on was this beautiful work of craftsmanship. Unshockingly, the chest had been well made – because why would Jake make something that was easy to take your anger out on. He couldn't even give you that small concession. Even though you aren't as angry anymore, kicking the chest has become a part of your nightly routine.

The chest didn't just bother you because it was locked or a surprise gift you hadn't asked for. It also bothered you because of what it was made from. The juniper wood Jake used didn't match the boards he used for the puzzle table, which was a more common light juniper. The boards for the chest were such a deep red it looked purple. Jake made it from one of the logs that you had helped him strip. Seeing the chest felt like a reopening weeping sore; one bleeding from a formally treasured memory that was nestled close to your heart.

…

Saturday mornings were always a wild card with Jake.It was the one day of the week you could never be 100% sure what his plans were. There were staples you could expect like his morning run, but after that who knew? Sometimes he would have plans to see his friends, other times he had a project, list of chores, plans with his "little brother", manuals to read or some other all day activity. He liked it to be all day. So Sometimes you liked to just lounge in the living room waiting to see what he was going to do before making any plans of your own.

"Hey, I'm going on a drive and run some errands. Anything you want me to pick up?" Jake says to you when he comes down the stairs one Saturday morning.

"Oh, can I come with?"

"Sure, if you want. It's going to be boring though," Jake warns you.

"No, it won't," You protest, standing up and stretching. "I'd rather be with you. As long as you don't mind me tagging along?"

"Yeah, of course, sugar. I never mind when you tag along." Jake says with a wide smile.

"Well, what's the errand so I know how to dress?"

"I'm going to meet an old friend."

"Oh my god. Please be less ominous Jake"

"What would you like to hear, sugar?"

"Who exactly are we meeting?"

"We are meeting up with my friend, Jess."

"And?"

"And, and, and," Jake says, twirling his hand around the air before dramatically pointing to his watch. "We are already 4 minutes behind our schedule. I'll tell you right now that this is cutting into our farmers market time." "Farmer's Market is on the list?"

"Of course it is sugar. And so is Target," Jake says in his ‘duh-voice’ that you actually hate, but also you love because it reminds you how easy this is supposed to be. How it's not supposed to be a second thought. The things you like are included and planned for without you having to ask.

You are scrambling up the stairs to get ready when Jake calls after you. "You don't actually have to rush!! I'll make up time on the road."

"You know I don't support your excessive speeding Jake!" you call back, grabbing what you thought you would need.

"Bring socks for your heavy boots!" When you make it back downstairs Jake is tapping his pen aggressively against a notepad.

"What am I going to need boots for?" You ask him suspiciously while going through your items.

"Do you want car snacks? I packed some, and we can always stop to pick something else up." Jake asks you glancing up from his paper.

"We don't have to have snacks; I know you don't like eating in the truck."

Jake just shrugs and opens the door to the garage for you. "It's not a big deal, I'll add the car wash to my list for tomorrow."

"I also got your truck slippers so you don't have to wear your boots for the drive," Jake tells you. It's so sweet you want to grab him in a tight hug. You squeeze your hands tight instead, waiting for the urge to pass. Jake helps you up into the passenger side of the truck. Just as he said, the soft fuzzy blanket you like, and the slippers Jake got you are laid out waiting. Jake helps you out of your boots and into the slippers, setting them in the back seat for later. Once you are fully settled and buckled, Jake closes your door. He checks that the garage door is locked before jumping in the truck himself.

"Was I quick enough for you not to aggressively speed?" you ask when Jake gets into the driver's side and checks his mirrors.

"I would hardly call it speeding," Jake complains.

"It's a number above the speed limit sign. Therefore, it's speeding." You say, explaining it.

"I literally fly ten times as fast as car speeds. Well, more like 9.9 but still when you round up. It's ten." Jake responds,

"That is no excuse to be going 120 miles an hour, Jake." You say while rolling your eyes.

"I'm just saying. I am perfectly capable of controlling a fast vehicle," he argues.

"That's fine, and I am not invalidating that. However, you know just as well as I do, that everyone else doesn't have that same ability."

"You are so sassy!" Jake teases, clearly deciding to let the faux argument go.

"I'm the sassy one? Sure," you say sarcastically, drawing out the word. However, you also decide to let it go. Instead you enjoy the start to your drive, getting music going and adjusting the temperature controls until they are just right.

"So," you say after a bit, drawing out the word. "What are we driving to do?"

"It's nothing," Jake responds with a shrug.

"Really? Nothing is the justification to wear the work boots you got me?"

"You can't live with a bit of mystery, can you?" Jake asks, but there is affection laid into his words.

"No," You concede with a joking sigh, "which is what makes you so infuriating sometimes."

"I do strive to live as a man of mystery," Jake says amused.

"Oh really, is that what your next move is? Retire, so you can become an American James Bond?" You tease him.

"I'll admit it. You got me figured out. What gave it away?" Jake asks jokingly but not as quiet as bright as before. You shoot him a look, but his smile is still firmly in place.

"Honestly?" You ask him hesitantly.

"Yes Ma'am. They do say honesty is the best policy."

"It's the fact that you refuse to grow facial hair. I'm convinced that it's because you want to save that for a disguise." You say, almost giggling trying to picture Jake with a beard or mustache. You expect Jake to laugh too, but he doesn't. After a slightly too long pause, he forces out a strangled laugh, and you realize that you've misstepped somehow.

"Talk about it or leave it?" You offer trying to sound natural and keeping the pushiness you felt gnawing on you out of your voice. Jake takes a deep measured breath, exhaling out slowly through his nose. He drums a staccato on the steering wheel before responding.

"Can we leave it please?" Jake eventually requests.

"Facial hair or James Bond?" You ask, wanting to clarify.

"Both, please."

"Can do."

"Thank you," Jake breathes quietly. Then he offers his right hand to you across the center console. You only wait a moment before slipping your fingers to slot in with his. He squeezes your hand affectionately and you both seem to take a deep breath to try and ease some of the uncomfortable tension. Jake's thumb tracing softly against your skin.

"I'll tell you if you really want to know," Jake says a few miles later while his eyes stay trained on the road. You think about whether you really want to press him for details. As much as you want to know, you don't want to ever force Jake into sharing something with you if he isn't completely comfortable with it.

"Nope, it's fine. Keep your mysteries, Hangman, I'll find out eventually." You finally respond, pulling Jake's hand up to press a kiss to the back of it, making sure he understood your innocent intentions. He chuckles good naturedly and his hand flexes at the movement, tightening its grasp on yours when you set them on the middle console again.

"That's good. I appreciate you."

"I appreciate you more," you tell him sweetly, though you mean it very genuinely. Jake pulls his eyes from the road to flash a heavy frown of disapproval your way.

"I don't think that's possible," Jake says with passion.

You just shrug, letting the conversation drift to the next topic, just enjoying the drive with Jake. It is a while before Jake pulls off onto a private road that leads up to a massive barn, and you still don't really have any clue where you are or why. Jake throws the gear into park, the truck in park and shoots you an almost gleeful smile.

"Jake, where are we?" You ask him again.

"Just my friend's place," he answers.Then,while reaching over and patting your cheek affectionately, says, "You, my sweet, can stay here."

"Do I have to stay?" You ask him nervously, checking the mirrors on either side of you. You know once Jake leaves the truck and into the barn you won't be able to see him anymore. The idea of being alone here, somewhere you don't know, even in the truck makes you uncomfortable.

"I just didn't want you to have to walk through all the mud," Jake says.

"It's okay," you tell him reassuringly. "That's why you had me bring my boots, right?"

"Yes, but you just look snug as a bug. I didn't want to make you move," Jake replies.

"I don't mind, it will be nice to get out of the car. And I want to meet your friend."

A moment later Jake is opening your side of the truck and helping you into your boots, tying up the laces for you and ignoring your protests that you are perfectly capable of doing that yourself. Jake helps you out of the truck and holds your hand, helping you walk over the uneven ground carefully. You can smell it before you see it. The fresh woodsy scent permeates the air so heavily that you can nearly taste it.

Subverting your expectations, Jake does not lead you to the large frame equipment sliding doors of the barn. Instead, he leads you around the nearest side where there is a small typical sized door. Opening the door, Jake reveals a huge workshop. Half of the large barn space is filled with massive logs, planks, boards, and other cuts of wood. The other half is full of various projects, a giant tool bench, and shelving making up an impressive workspace.

"Oh wow," you breathe taking it all in. You look at Jake and he is positively gleeful, maybe even more excited than a kid in a candy shop. His grin is wide, looking around and leading you a bit further into the workspace. A soft Jingle plays in the air, penetrating the otherwise quiet atmosphere when Jake closes the door behind you.

"Seresin, that better be you!" A voice calls out from the back of the barn.

"And it if ain't?" Jake calls back playfully.

"Then you should know, I've got a gun I ain't afraid to use, and you're trespassing."

You almost let go of Jake's hand in alarm, but he gives you a squeeze reassuring you. He leads you a little further into the warehouse, and a middle aged woman comes in through one of the open doors.

Jake lets go of your hand to give her a warm hug. She hugs Jake back lightly before pushing him away with a playful shove.

"It's good to see you too, Jess," Jake grumbles, dodging out of the way of her playful punch.

"Hi, I'm Jess. It's nice to meet you." She says turning to you and offers you a warm smile

You introduce yourself a bit shyly, but feel more confident when Jake's hand slips back into yours.

"Have you known this pest for long?" Jess asks you while gesturing to Jake.

"Jess, be nice. I am literally your favorite customer and the son you never had," Jake complains.

"Paula and I were actually very conscious in our choice not to have children, Jake," Jess says, clicking her tongue at him.

Jake pouts and you can't help but giggle a little at the sight. "I've known him for a bit, yes," you respond.

"Well, even if he is annoying, you've found yourself a good man," Jess says. You wait for Jake to correct her. When he doesn't you start to do so yourself but Jess has already changed the subject and started walking to the other side of the warehouse with a gesture for you to follow.

"So, I got them fresh this week. And just like you requested, I'm letting you have the first freshcut pick, even before me." Jess explains to him.

"I knew you loved me," Jake gasps grinning wide. Jess huffs out a breath at Jake but doesn't deny Jake's accusation which just makes Jake grin wider. Y'all walk to a pile of grey logs stacked close to the large barn doors.

They start a conversation that completely goes over your head, something about soil conditions, chain lengths, altitude, sap, and other details you didn't know impacted wood. You take this opportunity to look around the shop, and appreciate all the different types of wood and tools. You have only slightly lost focus when you suddenly realize Jake has said your name and is looking at you expectantly. He quickly picks up that you missed the question though, so he repeats it gently.

"You should pick our first one, Sugar. Juniper was your idea."

"Oh, I just pick one?" You ask looking at all the logs. Besides the fact they were different widths they all looked pretty much the same to you.

"Yes, Ma'am," Jake confirms. He leads you to the ends of the cuts and starts talking about grains, and the potential knots and twists that would be in the wood when you cut into it. Jess leaves y'all to decide, saying she'll go grab her forklift to make getting the selections into Jake's truck easier. Jess declines Jake's offer to drive with a snipe about how he isn't forklift certified. Jake's muttered comeback about how he could be forklift certified if he wanted makes you roar in laughter.

You eventually pick a trunk that overall doesn't look too special, but Jake said it looked like it would be easier to work with because of how sticky the sap was. Jake makes two other selections and also insists on helping Jess get the wood into his truck.

Jess invited you to an early lunch where you met her wife Paula. Paula had clearly been prepared to host and spent the whole meal fawning over Jake. While Jess might deny treating him like a son, Paula certainly leans into it, and you can tell Jake doesn't mind from the glowing smile that stays on his face the whole time you're at their home.

As promised Jake had planned time to stop at the farmers market, and an outlet mall, that included a target, where two do some light shopping. Finally picking up Jake's drycleaning on your way home. It's a fun day, and you were thankful you had decided to tag along.

"So Jake, are these for what I think?" You ask him excitedly when you have finally made it home and he is pulling the logs into the garage.

"It definitely might be. After all, this is fresh Juniper."

You stare at the grey logs of wood with their mossy, splintering bark that has already made a mess in the garage. Examining the wood you try to compare it with the Juniper you have seen in the past.

"I didn't think it was that color," you tell Jake scrunching your eyebrows together in contemplation.

"Well, the wood isn't actually grey, just the bark," Jake explains. You watch as he pulls two pairs of work gloves from the workbench. He jerks the larger pair on, you realize with adoration that he had gotten a pair in your size. Jake doesn't hand the gloves to you, rather just leaves them out as an offering if you are interested in participating. The casual no pressure offering makes your chest warm and stomach flutter. Biting your lip you try to contain the grin threatening to split your face before joining him at the workbench and sliding the gloves on.

Grabbing two chisels, he throws one on his belt. Then he picks up alo with two hammers, hanging both those on his toolbelt as well. You start to get distracted by the way Jake's tool belt sits on his slim hips.

"Yes. Jess managed to expedite it for us in a special order. I'm so excited. You see, in the spring the sap warms up and it runs through the tree so it allows us to do this –" Jake explains to you. He angles the chisel into the bark, working it in. With a controlled hit from the hammer the flat head sinks in a little bit deeper. Wiggling the chisel makes the bark displace, allowing Jake to grab it and pull it downwards. A long section of the bark comes off before splintering and breaking off the log. The action reveals the light colored, bright, 'green' (fresh) wood underneath.

"I can tell you've never experienced stripping before," Jake says cheekily while wiggling his eyebrows at you. You feel a bit amazed at the beautiful gem that's been revealed to you.

"What?" you gasp.

"Stripping is what this process is called," Jake answers while letting out a full bellied laugh, going so far as slapping his own leg. You roll your eyes at him but can't help your smile and excitement on joining in.

"Some people strip wood with a power washer, but I think that's lazy. On top of the laziness, it prematurely ages and strips the wood of its natural oils, color, and saps! If we take our time though, we can get a longer lasting, vibrant cut. It's a lot of work, but I promise it will be worth it in the long run."

Jake takes his chisel and edges it under the bark again. When he pulls the long grey strip of bark gives way with a crunch that sizzles against your ears. Jake continues to slowly peel more away to reveal the fresh color underneath, not pressuring you to join the process at any point.

However when you do ask to help Jake is patient going over the process with you, explaining the best angle to keep the chisel. He provides steady guidance, only leaving you alone in the process when you tell him that you have a handle on what you're doing.

You help Hangman strip one of the logs and just as he had said, it is a slow process. It is however extremely satisfying and lots of fun. He puts on a podcast after consulting you to find one you would both enjoy. At one point you accidentally dig your chisel too far under the bark and feel it sink slightly into the 'green' sap softened wood. Your heart drops, and when you peel it back you see that it has pulled a chunk of wood, leaving a gouge in the trunk. You freeze, noticing the damage of the mistake, pulling your eyes to where Jake is working. Just as you start to wonder if there could be a way to fix or hide your mistake, Jake looks over at you with a wide smile that crinkles around his eyes.

"Oh wow," he gasps, the smile falling. Anxiety claws at your throat, and you instinctively prepare yourself for something bad to happen, every muscle in your body tensing in anticipation. Jake's hand gently pushes yours out of the way and dips over the gouge pushing away some of the sap that was springing from the area. Jake clicks his tongue before saying. "Look at this, sugar"

"I know and–" You are getting ready to spew the best excuse and explanation you can think of before Jake interrupts you.

"I've seen this color juniper, at least not in person" Jake tells you breathily. You are momentarily surprised that his words do not contain any anger, veiled insults, or condescending tones. Then you remember that this is Jake, so of course you're not going to 'be in trouble'. It takes your eyes a moment to drop down to the thick trunk again. Where you had damaged the wood, it revealed a bright purple streak under the top grain.

"It's purple," you say, eyes widening.

"It does look purple does it?" Jake asks excitedly. "That means at the very least that vein will look like that through the trunk. If not all the pigmentation in the grain."

"So, it's not usually purple?" You ask.

"Sometimes red, but not purple. This one was a real treasure find, sugarpie" Jake answers. His grin was so wide you were a little worried about his face. However, before you know it, he is sweeping you in his arms and rocking you playfully while saying, "We are going to have to do something really special with this one."

"Puzzle table," You say as if that was the most obvious answer. That was the whole reason he had gotten all these logs of juniper, after all.

"Yeah, maybe for the puzzle table," Jake says noncommittally, though as he hums you can tell that won't be the case. He kisses your forehead and mutters a thank you.

Jake gives you another thank you, a little while later, once you two have started to work again. "We wouldn't have known about the color until I went to cut planks and then there would have been a lot less I could do to preserve the color."

"I made a mistake, Jake."

"Not all mistakes are bad," he says kindly. "Sometimes they are just something that's meant to happen. They have to happen for us to learn something."

"Says the man who famously never makes mistakes," you grouse back.

"I make mistakes, but unfortunately, like everything I do, it's to the max. Either the best or the worst," he trails off with a shrug.

"Because you refuse to be middling?" You ask him teasingly. You aren't surprised when his sharp elbow playfully taps into your arm, and if you bruise later-- it will be worth it.

"We never should have read and watched Little Women," Jake grumbles. However, his open and light body language make it very clear to you he is being playful. You traced the shape of his dimples with your eyes enjoying the ease they brought to you. They seemed like the perfect place to rest your thumbs on his cheeks. It's nice how Jake comes with a built in guidance system. From his dimples, to the smile lines that will age nicely into kind crows feet all pointing to the freckle-mole by his right eye. You had already mapped out every place you wanted to kiss, given the opportunity.

"You loved them both," you remind Jake.

"Of course I did. It is a heart warming, stunning story. But you don't always have to make fun of how I teared up a little bit." Jake tells you, adopting a frown. Teared up was a bit of a down play on what had happened but you didn't call Jake out on that part. It wasn't a bad thing for men to get emotional and cry.

"I only tease because you were upset about it for the entire next day. Which honestly was so sweet."

"It's not sweet, Sugar." Jake groans.

"Jake, let's not do this dance," you sigh, rolling your eyes at him and turning back to your work on the trunk. You are much more careful now in how you place the chisel under the bark. In the middle of stripping off the next piece the podcast shuts off and some slow country music replaces it.

"Now, Sugar," Jake says in an extra thick southern accent that makes you narrow your eyes. He eases in close to you and pulls the chisel out of your hand sliding it in his tool belt. Unbuckling it Jake sets it on the bench. Coming back to your side he takes your hand, delicately. Jake pulls your work gloves from each finger. Intentional and steady, the pads of his fingers brush against your revealed skin. He tosses the gloves to the side as well, and with your now free hands pulls you closer to him, towards the open space in the middle of the garage.

"What dance exactly don't you want to do?" Jake asks you, starting to sway to the music and encouraging you to join him in the simple steps. Once you do he gleefully spins you in time with the music and draws you back even closer to his chest after.

Blowing out a sigh you melt into his embrace. Dancing with Jake was different than any other man; he was confident and incharge, firm enough with his hold that there wasn't any space for you to really fall out of step with him, but he left enough room so you didn't feel like he was forcefully dragging you through the steps. He was good about taking the worry of thinking about the steps away from you, allowing you to just enjoy the movement and how his broad body felt pressed so close.

"The dance where you try to sell some preposterous lie about not being a good man, and I have to convince you otherwise."

"Ouch," Jake says. You lean back further resisting the hold he has in moving you. Jake doesn't allow the movement though, continuing to step dance to the music guiding you with him.

"I'm sorry, Jake." you say already feeling a little bad.

"No, no. I might have deserved that one," Jake answers, as the song wraps up, and you don't know what to say. He doesn't let go of you though, just adjusts his steps, leads his steps into the next one.

"Let's find a different dance you do like," he says after a bit, shuffling you in his arms. "For example, we know you love the Texas two step."

"Do I?" You ask him with a laugh.

"Yes, ma'am," He responds confidently, not leaving room to contradict him. "How do you feel about salsa though?"

Jake turns you around the open space in the garage, going through dances he knows until you are both laughing. When he suggests cooking dinner and watching Dancing with the Stars for some new ideas you readily and happily agree, especially when he reminds you the logs will still be there tomorrow, and there is no real need to rush since you have at least a week until the sap is too dry to easily strip anymore.

…

"Marlee, your boss isn't going to pass you up for a promotion."

"Well, she might if I'm pregnant," Marlee responds in a small voice that doesn't match her typical outgoing demeanor. You almost drop your phone but manage to keep your grip tight.

"Marlene Machado… First of all, that would be illegal, and we would file a report with HR. And secondly, is there something you are wanting to tell me?"

"No!" Marlee says, "I don't know what you're talking about, me pregnant?! That's crazy talk. Maybe you're the one who's pregnant."

"Okay, honey. Sorry, sorry." You sigh only partly apologetic into the phone.

"No, I'm sorry." She replies in a quiet voice. "But nothing for sure yet."

"That's okay, Marls. It's only been a few months of this new medicine."

"Yeah, well um I guess that leads to my next problem."

"What's that?"

"What are your plans for Saturday?"

"I don't have any plans." You say running through your mental calendar to check.

"Okay, perfect. So, here's what Javy and I are thinking."

"So Javy is involved?" You clarify.

"What? Of course, he is!" Marlee says sounding affronted at even the concept of not including her husband, which makes you almost smile for real.

"Okay, okay," you tell her with a small laugh.

"We'll pick you up. Then we'll carpool to the airport. Don't worry I already made signs. Then we want to take y'all to Olive Garden."

You distantly hear Javy yelling, "When we are there, we are family."

Marlee takes a moment to giggle, "I'll make sure you and Jake drink a bottle of wine. Preferably one each. Trust me, nothing helps with the ‘we haven't seen each other in six months’ awkwardness better than wine. Then we will drive you two home!"

You aren't successful in catching your phone this time and it slams to the ground. You're frozen staring down at it, only managing to shake yourself and pick it up when you hear Marlee saying your name in concern.

"Sorry, the phone slipped. What was that?"

"Oh no, is it okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine," you answer the pit in your stomach growing till it feels like it might swallow you whole.

"You don't need help with anything for tomorrow do you?" Marlee asks worriedly. You take a glance around the house. You had worked hard keeping things orderly and together while Jake had been gone. You knew how worried he was that things would change while he was away. It hadn't been easy and there were a few weeks there when you hadn't been able to keep yourself afloat very well.

"Help with what?" You ask, trying to get her to confirm what you thought you had heard.

"Any cleaning or organizing or any of that. Groceries so you and Jake don't have to go shop. Javy hates going to the store when he comes home. I guess there is something especially frustrating about them," Marlee trails off. You can tell that she is picking up on your off mood, and of course she was. She probably expected you to be ecstatic that Jake was coming home, and maybe you would have been if you had known about it.

You realize there isn't a way out of this so you have to concede a truth to her. You bite your lip and let your eyes frantically comb over the house again before finally whispering. "He hasn't said anything to me… about coming home."

When Marlee answers you can hear she isn't on speakerphone anymore, and asks you quietly, "He hasn't mentioned it at all?"

"Not a word," you respond solemnly.

"I'm sorry for ruining the surprise."

"I'm glad you did. I'll definitely want to clean and shop like you mentioned. And as nice as your plan sounded, maybe not this time. You two are the sweetest ever."

"I still feel bad. Are you sure you don't need help with anything?"

"I'm fine, thank you, Marlee!" You were not fine.

"Wait, babes, I'm worried."

"Don't worry. I'll talk to you later, yeah? I love you!" You hang up the phone and stare at it blankly. Trying to process the new information you had just gotten. Looking around the house you realized you weren't even close to ready for Jake to come home.

You spend all of your free time panicking, cleaning and organizing the house, trying to make sure everything was just perfect for when Jake comes home. You almost had a breakdown when you couldn't remember if the quilt on his bed had been green or dark blue when he left.. The smallest details were haunting you. You had spent nearly an hour working up the courage to erase the chalkboard in the kitchen. Worried that you would forget some of the more important reminders, you erase everything but what you deemed Jake needed to know, like things that had come up concerning the house. It leaves a choppy, oddly spaced list, but you don't think you will have the energy to rewrite it without crying.

You were asleep when Jake came home. Waking up to sounds that are familiar and yet gone enough that they don't sound right, confuses your tired mind before you are startled into wakefulness, fully placing that for the first time in 6 months someone else is cooking in your kitchen. Your alarm is slightly eased when you check your phone and see a text from Marlee.

We're here with a gift, come down stairs as soon as you wake up <3

While you were put at ease knowing some manic axe murderer isn't in your house, you almost feel like you would prefer that to what you now know is waiting for you downstairs. You sit in your room for nearly an hour trying to work out what to do, if you should confront Jake and how to approach it, hoping inspiration or bravery will strike you into moving. It never does though, and instead there is a heavy handed knock on your bedroom door.

Taking a big gulp, not having the strength to find your voice, you slowly creak the door open. You lift your eyes up and unexpectedly find Javy on the other side of the door.

"Hey, sleeping beauty!" Javy says cheerfully. It takes you a few deep breaths to answer from your surprise. You don't know what the look on your face is, but the next thing you know, Javy is sweeping you up into a tight hug. You are frozen though, still strung out on what this must mean, that Jake is home.

"Is he?" You start to ask, but not sure how you actually want to finish the sentence: home, safe, okay, the same. Javy doesn't respond, he just squeezes you harder. You try asking your question again to get an answer. "Is Jake?"

"Hangman is here," Javy finally confirms.

"I thought it was going to be this evening."

"Some of his flights got shifted around at the last minute."

"Oh. And is he..?" You can't finish that question either.

"He will be okay," Javy says lightly.

"Will be? So, that means that he isn't okay now." You grimace, worry flooding your chest that is already so full of hurt.

"It'll all take us some time to readjust and recalibrate. Just don't push him, and more importantly yourself too hard. Okay?" Javy says pulling away from the hug after another squeeze. You nod numbly, not entirely sure you know what he means but it is comforting to know your friend is here.

When you don't make a move to follow Javy towards the door when he starts to retreat he levels you with a concerned look.

"Why do you love Jake?" Javy asks, leaning back against your door.

You open your mouth to protest that you don't love Jake– how can you love someone who willfully hasn't talked to you in 6 months? The words don't come out though, because in spite of it all, you do love him. You love him so much it hurts, and you made that choice even as Jake actively warned you against it. Javy waits patiently for you to respond, which just makes you feel like squirming more.

"I do not see what that has to do with anything," you try to deflect but Coyote frowns at you and shakes his head.

"It's because he makes you feel better than a million bucks right?" Javy presses on with the question.

"Yeah, sometimes." You concede thinking of how it was before Jake left.

"Or like you are the most important thing in the room? More important even than him?"

"Don't know if I love Jake because of that. I think those are just side benefits. I love Jake just by virtue of him being Jake." You say trying to explain how you feel and Javy nods along to your words.

"I get it," he says. You worry your lip and look at the door again, still not sure you can do this.

"It's going to be okay. Marlee and I are here to play interference as long as you two need it. Remembering those things you love about him will help get through the rough patch. He is really worried about doing something wrong."

"What do you mean wrong?"

"I would say he is worried about hurting you." And you had to resist the urge to laugh, because it was already much too late for that. Jake had been hurting you for months now.

"Has something gone wrong before, or is he just scared?"

Javy doesn't answer your question and he avoids your gaze and stares hard at a far wall. "Hangman and I aren't always stationed together."

"Oh, I see."

"You're going to have to give him some grace and time; he will even out, I promise. If it gets too bad you can always call me, okay?" Javy's eyes meet yours again, and he gives you a sad smile. "I love Jake too, you know."

"Yeah, I know you do." You reassure him. "Thanks Coyote, you are a good friend to him, and me too."

Javy is then urging you to finally leave your room, opening the door and gesturing for you to step out. He is asking you to be brave, and it's a lot easier to face your fears when you know someone else is there to help, just in case.

"Hey what's taking so long up there?" Marlee yells up the stairs suspiciously. She must have heard your door open.

"I am once again begging Javy to run away with me." You yell back to her playfully. Giving Javy one last tight hug and a muttered thank you, he strides confidently down the stairs. Anxiety and nerves eat away at your every step leaving a sour taste on your tongue. You keep your eyes trained on the ground, as you descend the stairs, still not ready to actually see Jake.

Instead you keep your eyes trailed on Javy where he has automatically drifted to his wife's side and is already wrapping himself around her and kissing her cheek.

"Well, were you convinced to run away?" Marlee asks her husband, hugging him back, clearly enjoying the joke.

"No Ma'am, not this time," Coyote answers with a laugh.

"I wasn't worried," she tells him. "I know there's only one person you would leave me for."

"I would never leave you," Javy responds, dropping the playfulness from his voice. However, Marlee persists.

"That's not true, we both know if Jake asked, you wouldn't even hesitate." The couple both turn their eyes towards the kitchen, which you realize is where Jake must be. You are frozen on the last step of the stairs, unable to take your eyes off Marlee and Javy, even as they expectantly look back and forth between where you are standing and where he is.

You decide you aren't brave enough, that you can't actually do this. You need to retreat up the stairs into your room and pack all of your things in order to get out of here as soon as possible. Jake was back now, all the responsibility you had to watch and take care of the house was released from your shoulders. Never facing him again seems like the obvious solution, you don't know why you had never considered it before.

"I wouldn't ever ask Javy to run away with me, he snores too much," Jake says. His voice tricks your eyes into looking towards the kitchen. Thinking about Jake Seresin and seeing him are two distinctly different things. He is handsome, Jake always has been handsome, but after so long of not seeing him, it's glaring, breathtaking.

You think you had expected him to change, which doesn't really make sense. Half a year, in the grand scheme of things, really isn't very long. You think maybe his uniform fits him a bit more snugly, that he looks even more fit than before. You weren't prepared… you weren't prepared at all. And now you are stuck because he is looking back at you. Jake blinks at you, and you stare wide eyed, too afraid if your eyes close for even a second he will be gone.

"Hello. Good morning," Jake finally says.

"Hi," you squeak. Then you are finally able to take the last step off the stairs and say, "It's good to see you."

Jake flashes you one of his perfect practiced smiles and a wink. Then he gestures to the bowls and pans in front of him, "I'm making french toast."

You wait a second, having to choke back a sob threatening to bubble in your chest. Then say, "I'm sure that will be good."

Javy and Marlee's analyzing the two of you makes the awkwardness press in harder. Gulping, you try to seem casual about walking towards the kitchen. Jake watches you intently. At the last minute you change your mind and veer down the hallway towards the front door instead.

"Sorry, I just have some errands I need to run," You announce loudly, quickening your step. Fumbling with the locks you burst out the front door, and stand heaving on the front porch. Gripping the railing hard, you lean against it trying to brace yourself.

A minute later you hear the door open, and you close your eyes tight, wishing you had been smart enough to walk further away. There is a slight clunk against the ground and you see a pair of your shoes next to your feet.

"Thought you might need shoes," Jake says quietly. Fuck, this hurt so much more than you though it would. You thought having him home would feel like a relief, not a fresh stab wound. You just shake your head, not sure you can say anything. Jake waits patiently but after several long minutes, he breathes out a quiet sigh.

"Okay. Well. I think I should just apologize and get on with it. I'm sorry, I am so sorry." You can't stop the hitching sob that falls from your throat.

"I know you didn't love back the same way, but I didn't realize you cared so little about me."

"That is an inaccurate statement," Jake protests.

"I don't want us to have a fight Jake." You mumble, nothing about this conversation was making you feel better.

"Well I do. I want us to have a fight, because you should be mad at me. You should be yelling at me and cursing the ground I walk on. You should've burned down this house!" He exclaims, and you can hear his frustration. You open your eyes to find Jake standing stiff and straight next to the slightly ajar front door. Hands clenched tight, Jake was staring at like you were water and he had been stranded in the desert for days, parched. A direct sighting of his green eyes is all it takes to break your resolve.

"I can't be mad at you!" You exclaim, throwing your hands up in the air.

"Why not?" He prods you in a low voice.

"You know exactly why."

Jake huffs, clenching his jaw he glares upwards, away from you.

"You don't have to be this saint you know. You don't have to be this perfectly stable person for me because you feel like that's what I need. Please don't let me get away with hurting you."

"I won't give you the satisfaction," you tell him coldly.

"What?" Jake asks, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of confirming that you are the bad guy you've convinced yourself you are. So, what would you like me to say instead?"

"I guess I want you to listen to the fact that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I left, I'm sorry for how I behaved, I—"

"Are you really sorry for what happened between us?" You ask in a small voice. You lower your eyes to look at the ground, not wanting to be too confrontational.

"Of course I am," he sighs. It's a stab to your heart. You had treasured the long heartbreakingly beautiful evening you had with Jake before he left, and hearing him say he doesn't feel the same is harrowing.

"Are you—" you start to ask but stop yourself. You ball up all the hurt in your chest trying to rationalize and compartmentalize. Realizing this is another one of those times you had to fill in the gaps. It was time you refocused on the realities at hand. There were no promises besides the one you had made. That you would love him regardless, and continuously. Reminding yourself this fact helps, you could be upset after, later. Every moment actually with Jake should be treasured, this was the first moment you were getting with him in how long and of course you had ruined it.

"I'm sorry for every other thing I know I should be, and everything I willfully chose not to know too. I'm sorry, and well I want to go on forever. I want to keep telling you I'm sorry every second. So, I'm sorry. I'll say it a million times more. Like you deserve."

"Jake, stop. Sometimes the more times you say something the cheaper the words have become. So let's keep this one valuable. I'm sorry for pushing, and you've said sorry too. We can move on now."

"I'll just be plain then." He says, though you can tell that the frustration and desperation are still burning hot under his skin.

"Yes, Jake, be plain. That's the best option for us."

"If we step over lines?"

"We say something, stop and talk about it."

"Okay." He agrees, "We have to talk about the other thing now too."

"What thing?" you ask.

"My question, what happened between us." He says as if he hadn't just told you part of him regrets it.

"You asked to be selfish with me Jake, and I said yes. I don't regret that, and I'm not mad about what happened. You had my permission and consent for all of it.'

"I just kept waiting until I knew what I wanted to say, but then I never knew what I wanted to say," he explains.

"Jake, I really…" You sigh and scrub your hand over your face. "Can we not talk about this right now?"

Jake nods silently in response. "Okay, Later, then."

"Sure, like when the Machados aren't listening on the other side of the door." You say loudly looking at the front door that was cracked, having no doubt your friends were being nosey. Not that you really blame them, you probably would have done the same thing.

"Do you still have errands to run?" he asks you. You look out to the street deciding you should at least take a small walk to sort through your thoughts.

"I'm just going to go on a little walk. I'm sure I'll be back by the time breakfast is done," you explain.

"Sounds good, sugar. Can I help you with your shoes?" He asks quietly. The only reason you nod your head yes is because you think you might start crying otherwise.

Jake kneels down and hesitates for a long moment before his large warm hand is on your ankle, helping angle your foot into the shoe. His thumb makes a brushing stroke across the skin before doing the same thing with the other foot. When you get back from your walk, it's awkward. You completely avoid Marlee's attempts to get you to go off and talk with her. Instead, you decide that the best course of action is to pretend that nothing is wrong. You laugh at jokes and ignore how stilted and awkward Jake's conversation is with everyone. Then, after Marlee and Javy linger way too long, before you and Jake finally get them to leave. Once they are out the door and Jake has locked the door behind them, you both let out a sigh of relief. You meet Jake's gaze, both of you offer small smiles. It's the most normal moment you've had all day.

"Welcome back, Jake." You offer tentatively. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I kinda just want to nap," he admits. You part ways at the top of the stairs giving him a strained smile and retreat into your room; Jake's eyes don't leave you until the door is shut firmly in place.

It's much later that night when you hear some loud banging. You shoot out of your room worried, and realize the banging is coming from the other side of Jake's bedroom door. You knock on it firmly but don't hear a response.

You knock again and the banging comes to a stop. You try the door and find it locked.

"Jake, are you okay?" You ask him through the door.

"I'm fine. Thanks," he yells back. You wait but when you don't get anything more, you have no choice but to leave him be and go back to your room. You don't actually even see Jake again until two nights later. You have been able to tell that he is home but Jake is as elusive as a ghost.

You run into him next when you open your door one night to get some water before bed. Jake is standing on the other side, holding two water bottles. Part of you has a hunch that he had been standing there for a while. He looks shocked but a little relieved when he sees you.

"I know I shouldn't be here," Jake starts slowly, taking his gaze off of you and looks down at his feet.

"No, it's okay that you are here," you stutter slightly. "Is there something you need?"

Jake nods his head along with your words, his eyebrows drawing together. Then he holds out a water bottle for you to take. "Can I just be here? Here, with you?"

"Of course, always." You say stepping backwards into your room leaving the door wide open for him. You shuffle to your bed and lift open the blankets ready to welcome him there with you. However, Jake drops the pillow he was holding on the floor nearby and lays down instead.

You want to ask him questions about it but the edge he is on isn't one you want to poke or prod in any direction. While you are still hurt, knowing he is here is safe again, with you is equally as soothing, a small dosage of pain medication.

"There's plenty of room up here with me too, you know." You decide to casually offer just in case.

"It's too soft for me right now."

"I just thought I would offer," you say lightly.

"I can't sleep. It's the worst part. Everything is too quiet and too still and at the same time not quiet or still enough. I think I might go insane." He explains in a low voice.

"What can I do? What do you need?" You ask sympathetically.

"Can we talk about it?" Jake asks hopefully.

"No, Jake. We can't," You sigh and hear him sigh in frustration.

"Someday, at some point, we are going to have to talk about it," Jake says so carefully you know he is consciously holding back the taunting frustration he wants to put into the words.

"No, we really don't," You contradict him.

"Sweets," Jake responds, sounding wrecked.

You think you should give into him again. You should allow Jake to talk his heart out and seek penance from you. How this should be a time when you are strong for him. However, as much as you want to give Jake the world, there must be times that you curl around your own heart to try and shield it from hurt.

"Listen, Jake. I don't need to know why you didn't talk to me while you were gone. No matter what your explanation is, it's going to hurt my feelings. So, I would rather not know. Please, let me pretend something a little kinder."

He is silent, so very quiet for so long you almost wonder if he has left. Evaporated from existence, that he never came home at all, and you've been living an elaborate hallucination. You turn on your side just to check in the soft lamp light that Jake is still laying on the floor.

"You should have said no to me before I left. It would have saved us both a lot of grief I think."

Jake's words feel like a punch in the gut, rattling around like a wrecking ball, leaving a bloody massacre behind. With a heavy blown out breath you say, "No it wouldn't have."

"No, it wouldn't have," he sighs in agreement.

"It would be nice though, if we could go back to before."

"Before?" He asks.

"Yes," you say, clutching your blankets tight. "If I could pretend that you never got orders and didn't leave. I would jump to that in an instant.

"You want to pretend nothing happened?"

"Isn't that an idea?" You huff a small broken laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

"What if I don't remember exactly how things went before?" Jake wonders.

"Jake, I wasn't serious," you say cautiously.

There are several long minutes of silence where you wait for him to say something. Finally, you hear Jake let out a long heavy audible groan while shifting. "If you don't want to talk it out. Pretending is probably our best option then. Otherwise, what are we going to do, sweets?"

"Sugar," You correct automatically.

"Hmm?"

"You usually call me sugar, or honey. Not sweets"

"Ah, that's right, and darling. I got it mixed up because you're so sweet to me."

"I'll help you. If you don't remember how it goes."

"Thank you," he says. And you can't believe he is actually agreeing to this idea, or really that you are either.

"Do you not like sweets?" Jake asks eventually.

"It's fine enough, I guess." You answer as lightly as you can. Then you go through another bout of silence. You nervously play with the edge of a blanket hoping that this tension with Jake will ease. It's always gone away in the past, but that was also before.

"That's what you want then? Tomorrow, we go back?" Jake asks again.

"Yes, tomorrow," You confirm.

"Sugar?

"Yes, Jakers?"

"Can I ask you a question?" He asks. You laugh lightly, feeling a bit of the nervousness ease at his tone which has become much lighter.

"I never understand why people say that. Aren't you already asking a question?" Jake chuckles low in his chest in amusement. He doesn't follow along with the joke though, just leaves it there hanging in the air.

"The answer is yes," you tell him casually.

"You don't know what the question is."

"Yes, you can ask me a question," you clarify in a whisper. Jake makes some rustling sounds and you hear him come closer to you.

"Are you sure that bed is big enough for two?" He asks.

"Why don't we find out?" You laugh feeling more at ease.

With a nod Jake crawls onto bed and turns to face you on his side. However, he doesn't scoot in close like you expect. He is stone still on the other side of the bed, laying on top of the covers, only shifting his pillow once.

"What would you do, if I told you the last time I said yes, it had an extended warranty?" You ask while turning on your side to face where you are in the bed now.

"How long are we talking about here?" Jake asks.

"Unfortunately, I think it expires some time tomorrow." You watch Jake work his lip in contemplation, while examining your face closely.

"Why would you let me be selfish with you again?"

"I think it's because we are selfish. Maybe it's a little bit because I don't want the memory of the last time I tasted you to be bitter."

Jake rolls away from you onto his back, blinking rapidly at the ceiling. "Stop letting me take things from you."

"We both deserve a night where we are selfish with each other, I think." You tell him reaching across the gap between you. You set a hand on Jake's cheek ignoring the prickly stubble there.

"To have you and let you go again the next day would be torture," Jake says all while leaning into your touch.

"Just a kiss this time," you offer, urging him by his cheek to come a little closer to you.

"It was supposed to be just a kiss last time too." Jake's eyes are bright where they burn into yours. He inches a little closer and you lean forwards as well, reducing the gap between you two that much more until there is just a miniscule space now.

"I know," You answer against his lips, letting your hand slip into his hair. Jake's lips move with yours crowding in close, like he is trying to breathe all of you into himself and commit you to memory.

"Maybe, it can be more of a promise?" Jake eventually gasps.

"A promise?" You question.

"A promise not to hurt you like this again," Jake answers.

"That's not an easy promise to keep," you warn.

"That's true, but I'm willing to try anyway." He kisses you again and dips his tongue into your mouth. Jake swallows your little whimpers; he tastes just as good as he always has. It's very easy to be selfish with Jake "Hangman" Seresin.

…

It's a slow road to trying to get back to normal. Jake circles around the house like he is lost. Picking things up and setting them down, starting conversations with you and leaving halfway through them. Shadows stretch across his face and his increasingly dark stubble and facial hair. You are a little surprised to find that he doesn't have a red beard like most blonds do. The facial hair only serves to make him look increasingly gaunt.

Jake even denies your offer to start a puzzle together, telling you that wasn't something he could handle at the moment. You try not to seem like you were watching him like a hawk, but you definitely are. Until one day he stood up from the table in the middle of dinner and announced that he was going camping.

"Oh okay. Do you know how long?"

"Yeah," Jake sighs, "I'll be home before next weekend, and I promise you when I get home I'll be normal again."

"You don't have to be any which way for me Jake," you tell him gently.

"I know, but I need to do this for me too, sugar." He explains while putting away dishes. You watch him complete the task; Jake is antsy even with his hands occupied. None of the projects or tasks he has picked up since being home have been enough to occupy him with real distraction. Two days ago, you had walked into the garage where Jake had rigged up his camping hammock to the ceiling which you felt like he was swaying precariously 8 feet off the ground. On top of that Jake had music blasting, a documentary on Yosemite playing, while also whittling a piece of wood.

"Okay. I'll miss you." You eventually say. Jake purses his lip, and after a heavy gulp he nods his head. Once the last of the dishes is away he spins on his heel and heads towards the garage door.

You hurry after him, "Jake?"

"Yes, sugar?" He asks, not pausing his trajectory.

"Are you leaving right now?" You ask him surprised.

"Yes, I packed earlier today."

"Can I have a hug before you go?" You ask him hesitantly.

Jake freezes. He rubs his hands across his face pressing briefly into his eyes while sighing a very soft "Fuck." Then he turns to you fully looking abashed. "Yeah, sugar. What do you need before I go? I'm sorry I should have asked that first."

"No, it's no big deal. Honestly." You tell him backing off not wanting to be too much. Jake shushes you softly while stepping closer.

"Tell me how it goes. I need to remind myself about this part."

"Well," you start off hesitantly, "normally I would get a hug goodbye."

"Ahh," Jake hums, "that's right. And I do that part like this?" Jake wraps you in his arms, draping them high on your back. You wait a moment before draping your arms around his neck.

"How's the next part going again, sweets?"

"You squeeze my waist a little harder and lower." Jake follows the direction his arms tightening around you drawing you flush against his chest.

"Now?" He whispers.

"You would probably kiss my forehead."

"Just your forehead?" Jake asks breathily.

"I'll leave that one up to you, Jake." He unwraps a hand from your waist to hold the back of your neck, keeping you steady.

"And if I want to kiss somewhere else?"

"You've got my permission Jake," you tell him trying to keep want and desire out of your voice. Jake parts his lips and leans in closer brushing his lips to grace over your cheekbone.

"You can have it, Jake," you remind him.

"No," he answers and closes his eyes. "Not again, not yet. I'll be home in a few days."

Once Jake leaves you know there is something you have to do to help him. It's an idea that gets stuck in your head and then you can't get it out. He had been spending time daily in his hammock in the garage, and you noted that Jake had taken it with him when he left. You missed how he used to casually be in the living room, so you started brainstorming some ideas on how you might entice Jake to join you again.

So, you go to the kitchen and pull out the rolodex, find the card dedicated to Miss Celeste and give it a call. Russell answers the phone, and you can hear the man smiling through the phone as you ask after his wife. It turns out Jake's grandmother is just as blunt but kind hearted as you had been led to believe. After a longer conversation with her, she and Russ offer you some advice and tips

You aren't wholly sure how you managed to get it all done. Eventually having to call Coyote to help you move some of the living room furniture. However, after significantly less sleep than you already get, there is a large comfy hammock in the living room. You and Javy had to sandwich Jake's large comfy chair much closer to the couch than it was previously, but y'all managed to make it all fit.

Jake comes home from camping quietly late one night. The stubble he had been supporting before is a full-on beard now, and his hair is longer than you have ever seen it. This look is intimidating to you in lots of ways, like some mirrored version of Jake that you don't know. He offers. quick hello when he comes in from the garage, breezing past you and towards the stairs.

Jake doesn't make it to the stairs though instead he stands frozen at the edge of the living room for five whole minutes just staring at the hammock. You watch him closely, trying to gauge his reaction.

"It's a surprise for you." You say after the amount of time he is standing there increases to a concerning duration. Compelled to do something you explain, "I know your hammock has been one of the only places you have been able to relax."

"This is very sweet. I appreciate it." Jake starts evenly. It's contradictory as you see him grit his teeth, and his fists clench and unclench at his sides.

"You don't like it?" You ask him.

"It's not that," Jake tries to explain. "It's just you can't randomly switch the living room around and add new furniture like this."

Your mouth drops open in shock. This might be one of the first times Jake has ever told you there is something you can't do in the house. It's jarring, he has always spent so much time tailoring everything to your likes, desires, and aesthetics that you hardly even think about the house as Jake's and Jake's alone anymore. Frustration bubbles under the shock twisting into anger at the situation. You were trying your best, doing all the things you thought you should, and it still didn't seem like enough.

"That is so rich coming from you for so many different reasons Jake." You say agitated, rolling your eyes.

"Why are you upset?" Jake asks you, finally looking away from the living room.

"Why are you upset?" You parrot with emphasis.

"Well, what did you expect? I left for a few days and now there is a hammock in the living room. That's an outdoor item you brought indoors," Jake responds snappily. It pushes you right against an edge that you are unfamiliar with living on now. You had forgotten how it was to live in a hyper aware state, trying to manage and monitor someone else's emotions.

"You act like you haven't done the same thing," you tell him, gesturing frustratedly at the juniper chest. "I was doing something nice for you. However, if you don't like it, I'm sure you're more than capable of taking it down and moving your furniture back and fixing your living room."

You leave Jake in the living room and go to the kitchen. He grumbles to himself upset which makes you feel even more on edge. However, you refuse to let Jake blowing back into the house prevent you from finishing the dishes you had been stacking and putting away.

"It's our living room," he finally calls back to you.

"You aren't acting like it."

"You could have given me some warning," he reasons, but it has a slightly accusatory tone.

"When Jake?" You ask him, upset. "When you called me and told me you were coming home? When you text? How exactly was I supposed to let you know?"

He doesn't have an answer and you slam the door of a cupboard harder than you intend. Inside, the stack of bowls were more precariously placed than you thought. The cupboard closes and bounces back open, the bowls ejecting and crashing hard against the ground. Several of them shatter when they make impact, sending ceramic shards flying across the area.

You aren't expecting the sound to trigger you. It most likely does because of how high strung and worried you already are. The house is such a safe comforting space you don't really have a game plan for when PTSD attacks hit you here. A chill makes its way up your spine, while the sound of shattering glass rings echoing in your ears, for much longer than it echoes in the room. It's all it takes for some flip to switch in your head.

Managing to take small gasping breaths, you try to assess the damage of the sharp ceramic pieces around you, categorizing how many bowls had broken. It doesn't help you to fight off sudden panic that is creeping in when you notice one of the destroyed bowls was one Miss Celeste had made for Jake. It was a soup bowl stamped with a silly song Jake liked to sing anytime he used it. Distantly you hear Jake calling your name but can't fully process it. He is stepping towards you, fear rings through your body, and instinctually you go to step back away from him. Flinching hard every one of your muscles feels like it's attached to a live wire. Your fight or flight mode activated but you are still mostly frozen in the middle with short panting breaths, your eyes flit across the room trying to find a suitable escape path.

"Sugar, please don't move. Just stay right there. It's okay." Jake is repeating, holding his hand up, showing you his open body language. Your breaths continue to come out gasping, but eventually you are able clear the cloudiness up enough with the help of Jake's soothing.

"Jake, help," you whimper. Training your eyes on Jake you think that he is the only available escape, from the glass around you and this attack. At your words, his whole face shifts overcome with a serious ‘get things done’ demeanor.

"Are you hurt?" He asks calmly. You can't answer him just offering a shaking shrug. "Stay right there for me, Sugar. Okay?"

Jake is shoving his feet into some boots, then crunching through the broken ceramics and glass before picking you up. He carries you to the living room, setting you down on top of the closed puzzle table. Once you are there, he kneels in front of you. Picking up each of your feet, Jake carefully examines them for injury. Then gives the rest of your body a scan; he is clearly relieved to find that there weren't any cuts.

"Wait here." He orders you gently, walking back to the kitchen and setting about cleaning the mess.

"I can clean that," you try to tell him in a weak attempt for Jake to stop.

"You just stay there looking pretty and take some breaths, sweets." He responds from the kitchen. You decide to give in, which is probably for the best with the way the numb panic is still very present at the edge of your consciousness. Your heart is still beating erratically as well.

Jake is expedient and thorough about cleaning, going through the whole kitchen and dining room with his shop vacuum searching for any hiding slivers. When finished he makes his way to the living room and crouches by your side again sighing heavily.

"I'm sorry," he says, setting his large warm hands on your knees.

"I'm sorry," you apologize as well. "I should have waited and asked you before changing the living room."

"You don't need to ask. I've just been on edge and wasn't expecting it. I do appreciate the thought. And you know I do love hammocks so, I'm sure I'll love it."

"We don't have to keep it," You remind him.

"We are taking it for a trial run," Jake responds. Then a few moments later he lets out a heavy sigh and says, "You know we are doing it all already, right?"

"What's that?"

"It" Jake says gesturing with his free hand in the air. "We fit together. We're," Jake takes the slightest pause, his hand grips yours so tight you almost ache, then he drops it completely. "A bridle joint or maybe, a box joint."

"We aren't ever going to fit with anyone else are we?" You ask him, clarifying.

"No, we aren't. I think it might just be this, Sugar. It's just us." Jake says the words like a confession, an admission, an honest reality.

You try to analyze the look in his eyes, but over anything else all you can focus on is how tired he is. You pick Jake's hand up again. Standing from the couch, pulling him with you. Jake asks no questions; he just follows you as you guide him. You tug him with you to each of the doors as you make sure each one is locked, jiggling them to be sure. Then he follows you to the kitchen as you grab two of his glass water bottles. You hand one to him and take his, gripping it tightly while his other hand remains loose in yours.

You keep leading him then as he follows you up the stairs. Finally, You open the door to his room, and freeze in the doorway. A gasp catches in your throat. It's empty. The whole room. Not a mattress or a bedframe, no side tables or a dresser. It's all gone. There is one chest, a basket with some blankets, and one pillow. Jake stands close behind you, and you hear him audibly sigh into your ear.

You take a deep breath to steady yourself and pull Jake through the room, leaving no room to address the issue and heading straight to the bathroom. You turn on the water for the bath and let the tub start filling. Turning to Jake and finally, let go of his hand. He looks lost at you, and you bring your hand up to lift his chin up a little higher. Jake takes your direction and those gorgeous sea-glass green eyes look at you.

You tug at his shirt twice before he follows the movement and pulls it off. You step out of your own pants but otherwise stay clothed. Jake follows you sliding off his jeans. You go to Jake's bath chest still in place and grab a scent you think will be soothing, adding it to the bath.

You reach to pull down his boxers, and he shakes his head in a small no. When you start to pull off your shirt, Jake's hands stop you there too. He gives you a pleading look, and you shrug back, leaving your shirt in place. You motion for Jake to get in the bath, and he wordlessly does as you say. Making room for you between his knees, Jake scoots until he hits the back of the tub. You step into the warm water and slide down to settle in.

Jake's head falls forward so his forehead presses into the space where your shoulder and neck meet, taking deep breaths. You shudder, feeling the air of his breath against your neck. Jake's large hands are gripping the side of the bathtub hard. You are shocked that the feeling of the wet clothes sticking to your skin hasn't rocketed you out of the bathtub. But like it often is, it's hard to focus on anything that's not Jake when he is this close to you.

After a while, when Jake lifts his head and leans back, you do as well, leaning into his chest, his arms slide around you, pulling you even closer, as you draw imaginary designs on one of his forearms.

"What's it mean for us?" You finally ask him.

"I'm worse than I was before," Jake says to you quietly.

"Before me?" And that actually makes you want to cry because it sounds so true. Things certainly would have been less variable without you around in Jake's life. No one to throw him off his routines. And before him weren't you better able to protect your heart better than this? You had been calloused and strong before. Living with Jake and in this house has been like a fine grit sandpaper buffing you so now you only have smooth soft edges.

Has that been the way it's been between the two of you this whole time, something bad that was disguised as good? You can't come up with an answer, and apparently, neither can he. So it sits there, wilting, rotting between the two of you.

The silence is loud and almost echoes in the bathroom, with no room to hide. You finally take one of Jake's hands in yours and play with his fingers. He seems content with this, relaxing even further into the water. One of his knees occasionally bumping into you playfully, as if you could forget that he was there, as if there were anything besides Jake on your radar.

Then he is whispering your name against your neck, right behind your ear. Gooseflesh bursts across your skin, and his beard is coarse and scratchy against your sensitive skin not having been trimmed once since it started growing. You try to shift away but his lips follow you. Tired of the game you reach a hand behind you and fist it into Jake's long hair, tightly tugging his face away from your neck. Jake gasps in response.

You drop your hand feeling like he has been sufficiently warned from the action, which you know would have descend into tickling. Jake grabs your wrist and turns it, and then ghosts his lips over your pulse point. After two more soft kisses there he presses three to your palm, and on each finger. Each press of his lips is intoxicating even in a place as insignificant as your hand. With your ring finger Jake's kisses are three times as long and lingering. It's an action that has you slamming your eyes closed to keep the tears from escaping. He finally releases your arm and you drop your hand back into the warm water.

Something starts to thaw out there, in your chest. The combination of the physical warmth of the bath and Jake's blazing body heat. However, it is the feeling, the emotional warmth of it that makes the difference. You tremble slightly feeling completely overwhelmed, the idea of being anywhere else or trying to move is devastating to your system.

"Sugar pie?"

"Yes, Jakobi?" You answer back just as quietly

"We haven't been doing so good, have we?"

"No."

"Our mental health?"

"Positively dismal. We both probably need to be institutionalized." You tell him. Jake nods along, in understanding with your words.

"Do you think I could convince them to let us be roomies there too?"

"Not sure even you could swing that one, honey." You respond. Jake's eyes and whole face positively light up moments after you say the words.

"Honey?"

You hum thinking it over before smiling and nodding, "Yup."

"But that's my nickname for you," Jake says in a pouting tone but the bright expression he is wearing hasn't dimmed.

"Yeah, and sugar, darling, babycakes, anything related to pie—"

"I called you Huckleberry pie once and—"Jake protests but you barrel onwards cutting him off.

"Well no more honey for you anymore. You use half the sweet names under the sun, I'm allowed to have one. And I think it's honey." You cup Jake's scratchy bearded cheeks and smile softly. "You're my honey, now."

"Why honey?"

"Because you're so sweet."

"I'm not," Jake says brokenly, all playfulness having been sucked out of him. His head is heavy in your palm as he eases into your hold.

"You're sweet," you repeat more firmly. Then continue, "Plus I can just imagine how snug and happy you would be in those honey combs."

"Hexagons are one of the superior shapes," Jake sighs.

"Sure they ar, and you are golden like honey." You run your fingers through Jake's hair again. He shutters hiding those sad green eyes from you.

"I never knew just how blond the sun could make your hair," You sigh when you reach the end, scratching back up his scalp to repeat the process. You are turned fully to face him now, sloshing the water a bit to settle more comfortably. However Jake doesn't move, he seems almost as if he could be a statue made of glowing gold.

"This tan also makes no sense," you tell him, trailing your hands over his shaped shoulders.

He squints a single eye open at you, and you freeze as if you've been caught. Instead Jake's hand's pull your knees to settle on either side of his hips. Dragging you that much closer to him. It makes your breath hitch and Jake's eyes darken, however, he still leaves a bit of space.

"One of my grandpas was Italian," Jake says with a quirk of his lips. The single eye he had opened closed as the smile melted off his face. Your hands resume their path, after massaging Jake's shoulders you knead his neck. Which just leads to playing with his hair again. Your train of thought was lost until you noticed a small light but fresh scar on the top of his bicep. You lean forward and gloss your lips over the skin there. Jake's hand tightens where he is holding your thighs. He takes a careful breath in through his nose, and a long exhale. He follows that up with two more shallow but steady breaths and then just like that the tension releases from his body as he releases the air out.

"Where did you learn how to breathe like that, cowboy?" You ask him, letting your thumb continue to trace the strange new scar you have been examining.

"Oh, so, I'm cowboy now?"

"Mr. Cowboy, my honey." You coo back. Jake's eyes flutter open again, he blinks slowly at you heavily lidded.

"You are avoiding the question." You prompt him by raising an eyebrow.

"It's not as bad as you're probably thinking," Jake answers a moment later.

"I'm thinking, you did a whole summer of Vipassana, and meditation in some foreign country that made you have concerns about being that white guy(™)."

As his lips lift in response to your joke, you think Jake's dimples are some of the prettiest things in this world. Suddenly, you find it unacceptable that his beard hides any part of them from your view. You see the hint of them but it's not the same you think as you trace the shape of one. Your left hand remains pressed over the new scar you had discovered.

"We both know I could never do vipassana."

"I have evidence to the contrary," the words fall from your lips before you can stop them, and you regret them instantly.

"Don't be mean to me," he begs you. In the same breath he speaks the words you are already halfway through saying, sorry.

"I'm working on leaving it I promise," You tell him.

"We don't have to leave it, we could talk about it." Jake suggests hopefully.

"We are leaving it Jake," you say back sharply and he snaps his mouth shut chewing at the side of his cheek for a moment before responding.

"Okay. I know I hurt you deep, and it's still fresh," Jake responds. His jaw clenches and you feel it jump.

"So, it wasn't meditation? Is this going to be another riveting USNA story?" You ask him, steering the conversation back on a lighter track.

"It was before Annapolis."

"Tell me more," you laugh, dropping your hold on his face, leaning forward and resting your check against his bicep.

"You're going to laugh at me," he pouts.

"I find that an entirely likely probability," you answer teasingly.

"I had to take friendship classes in middle school."

"I'm sorry, you did what?" You ask Jake to repeat, trying to process this bit of information.

"This other kid and I hated each other, and we were constantly getting into it. The worst part is we had lockers right next to each other. He accidentally hit me with his locker, and I lost it. So, I slammed his head right back and we started brawling. Anyways, long story short, our school counselor made us take friendship classes, and taught us breathing techniques. It was all bull shit, but we ended up being friends afterwards, bonding over how stupid friendship class was."

"At least you got some good breathing techniques."

"Something like that," Jake laughs back.

"What's this one then? It's new." you say ghosting your lips over the scar you had found again. Jake sighs, glancing at the scar himself.

"You are going to be mad," he starts.

"Why would I be mad, honey?"

"I got two more moles removed." The admission makes you pull back and give Jake a weary suspicious glare.

"Have you not been wearing sunscreen again?"

"No, I've been wearing sunscreen ever since you told me about it, I promise. The Doc just asked about one of them and wanted to do a biopsy. So, I said he might as well just take them all off while he was at it."

"And?"

"Everything came back benign. Nothing to really worry about, Sugar."

"I always worry about you, Jakers." You sigh with relief and kiss that scar again, enjoying the feeling of having your head pillowed on his arm.

"I know, I'm sorry." Jake whispers back. You wish he had just left it as I know.

"I don't want to make you worse, Jake."

"You don't make me worse. I am worse, no one has ever inspired me to act quite as selfishly as you have. I don't even know how to wholly be anymore without you."

"I just want to make things better for you."

Jake groans quietly, "Maybe someday it will finally click that you make everything better. That you are stunning, and gorgeous, and just over all the best."

"We could clear cut a forest, and not find a single tree that's sappier than you Jake." It inspires a quirk of his lips but not the laugh you were hoping for.

"You are probably right," is all Jake says back, continuing to trace shapes into your skin. It's quiet for a long time as you two just exist together, coming down from the emotional turmoil of the night.

Eventually, You ask, "Jake, where are you?"

"I don't know. I don't know, Sugar," He sighs and tilts his head back letting out an exhausted breath.

"Are you in the clouds?" You ask. He thinks before shaking his head no.

"Are you on the ocean?"

He feels the water around him briefly then settles his hands on your skin again. "It doesn't appear so."

"Are you on base?"

"No."

"So, where are you?"

"I know I'm here with you sugar, it just doesn't feel real." Jake answers.

You examine him closely from his wet hair to the defined muscles of his shoulders and neck. How much muscle Jake gained deployment almost pushed him into a category you would describe as too buff, but not actually going over the edge. As you trace the shape of his face you can easily identify what one of the problems is.

"You are being suffocated," you tell him as your fingers trace up his cheeks and around through his hair there.

"Why do you have a beard Jake?" You ask in a gentle curious tone.

"I don't have to shave until I go back to work."

"You should shave sooner," You say encouragingly.

"Too tired," Jake says, stretching out one of his legs in the water.

"Do you want help?"

"You want to give me a shave, sugar?"

"I'd be willing to give it a go if you feel like it would help," you answer plainly. He thinks about it before nodding.

"It would."

That's all you need to hear before you are stepping out of the bath. Immediately you hate how the wet material of your shirt clings to your skin. So, you quickly rip it off and throw it into the shower. Jake groans behind you and you point a finger back at him while grabbing fresh towels and Jake's shaving kit from beside the sink.

"It's nothing you haven't seen and you can control yourself," you chastise him.

"But you are so fucking beautiful," Jake groans making absolutely no effort to hide the way his eyes trace over your body.

"You were two minutes from falling asleep."

"That was before," Jake whines as you come back to the bath and he sees you in even more detail.

You set the shaving kit to the side within easy reach and settle yourself back into the water. You sit so your bare chest is pressed against his. This makes Jake close his eyes throwing his head back whispering a quiet "Fuck."

When his eyes open again, they are slightly dilated with lust. It makes you smile at him whispering, "hi there."

"Hi," he breaths back.

"Hi," you say again, smiling wider. Jake can't stop himself from smiling as well, lips drawn upwards. His hands trace up your bare sides and you give him a small glare. Grabbing his chin you tilt his head back once more.

"Yup, hold yourself just like that," You tell him, pausing to make sure he doesn't move. You start to lather up some shaving cream spreading it along this neck.

"Have you shaved someone else before?" Jake questions.

"Not really. So, you might want to give me pointers. I don't want to cut your pretty face." You answer with a teasing tone.

Jake hums in acknowledgement thinking for a long moment. Then he starts to detail the intricate shaving ritual he normally keeps. You follow each one of the steps. It's a slow process, shaving him. You are worried that you will cut him or make some other mistake in the process. Jake isn't hesitant or shy about giving you sweet and gentle encouragement.

Finally, Jake's face is free of hair again. You help wipe away the remaining product, and dab on the aftershave in his kit you brought over. Jake winces but gives you a tentative smile when you stare at him examining your work. You smile back softly, setting things down that are in your way, feeling relieved to be done.

The two of you finish your bath before getting out and drying off. Wrapping a towel around yourself, you head back to your room changing and settling into bed. Jake follows not long after in a pair of comfy pants and a soft muscle shirt. He asks if he can join you in bed even though you already pulled the covers back while waiting for him.

Jake takes a bit of shifting to get comfortable until he is laying on his side facing you, meeting your gaze as you shift to see him better. You lift a hand to cup his face enjoying the fresh smooth skin there.

"Ah, there he is," you say with a soft sigh. The lines of Hangman's face are prominent and easy to follow again. A tear spills from Jake's eye and you push it away gently. Leaning forwards Jake angles his lips to barely brush over yours before he pulls back.

"Please?" You ask him, going to follow his lips for more.

"I don't think we should," Jake responds and snuggles his face into your neck to avoid the temptation of your lips.

"But we fit. We fit perfectly," you whisper.

"That's exactly the problem," Jake answers. "I won't do wrong by you again. And that means I don't want to rush anything. Are you in a hurry?"

"Does that have a timeline?" You ask, ignoring your frustration.

"It does in a general sense."

"Care to share?"

"Sure," Jake mutters tiredly into your neck. "I think it's been going for a while. Right?"

"That's right," You answer, letting your hand drift into his long hair. It is almost all the way dry now and fluffy. He had a haircut scheduled before he started work again leaving you only a few days left to savor this. His eyes close, and a small smile graces his face. With a gentle scratch of your nails against his scalp a tiny whine tumbles out of him. Jake seems too tired to care anymore. His nose just nuzzles your neck, and he places a tiny kiss there. You sigh, and resume playing with the silky strands.

"And how long before we have it all figured out, Honey?" You ask.

"As I see it, the rest of our lives. So, give or take sixty-ish more years."

"We are making it the long haul huh?"

"Yes, Ma'am. We will, so there's absolutely no reason to start at a sprint."

"I thought you had a need for speed." You tell him teasingly.

Jake huffs into your neck, sucking in a deep breath he blows it out slowly tickling your skin. "I have a great comeback for that."

"Oh really?"

He hums in affirmation. Then he sleepily manages to crack an eye open and looks at you, while he mumbles, "But I am a sleepy boy. Wait, no… a sleepy man"

You chuckle and kiss Jake's forehead. "Goodnight, sleepy boy"

"Sleepy man," he tries to correct you, but the words are hardly coherent. It takes less than five minutes before Jake is fully asleep, and you aren't far off yourself. Jake is so warm, and itis so easy to match your breaths with his deep even ones. Falling into a dream where you spend sixty years with Jake, even there in your dream you realize that still might not be enough.

…

Read the rest of this chapter on AO3. Sorry again, Tumblr wouldn't let me put it all here (and that it's so long). My first reblog of this here on Tumblr has the other half as well.

#jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #house we share #jake seresin x you #hangman x you #gci3 #good comes in 3

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arokel · 18 days

Note

Don/Bobby after their first win?

hello anon!!! sorry this is so late; i meant to post it much sooner but alas i am god's sleepiest soldier. but it's here now!

Nice and Easy

Word count: 960 Rating: G Pairing: Don/Bobby

Every muscle in Don’s body hurts. The skin of his cheeks feels tight and a little warm to the touch, a pink he’s sure must be deepening to red. Breathing is agony. He’s never felt better.

And Bobby is beside him, sweaty and grinning, running his mouth in the way Don has already come to find dangerously endearing in the few weeks they’ve known each other. It makes him want to say things he shouldn’t, and the only thing stopping him right now is the fact that he can’t get a word in edgewise.

“And you saw their faces when we passed them, Christ, felt so good to wipe that smugness right off ‘em. We destroyed those assholes. And it was all thanks to you, Don.”

“It was just a time trial,” Don says in the brief pause while Bobby takes a deep breath in preparation to start up again. He has to fight down his natural awkwardness and propensity for blushing; Bobby is being much too kind. “And I just did my part.”

Bobby shakes his head like a dog emerging from the water, so violently that a drop of sweat lands on Don’s cheek. It should be gross. But, somehow, as is everything Bobby does in Don’s eyes, it’s mostly cute.

“But it was varsity. And you knew exactly what to do; it was like you were reading my mind out there. I’ve never had a stroke who could do that. You’re the best. You carried that boat.”

Don glances guiltily around the empty shell house, just in case he miscounted and one of his teammates is still lingering after all. Bobby is just exaggerating because he’s excited and on is the only target on hand for his praises, but it still wouldn’t be great if anyone else overheard. They’d be hurt by the implied slight to their own rowing, and then Don would have to tell Bobby to stop complimenting Don alone. Which he doesn’t want to do.

He knows Bobby would be just as nice to Chuck or Joe or anyone else if it was them standing there instead of Don. Don isn’t special to Bobby. It’s just nice to let himself pretend he could be for a little while.

“I don’t think I could do it with another cox,” he says quietly. Let Bobby think it’s just the win spurring Don to hyperbole too. “You’re just… you. It’s easy with you.”

Bobby makes a small sound of surprise, opening and closing his mouth several times. Don might be proud of himself for how easily he managed to shut Bobby up if he weren’t so busy being mortified by the fact that he obviously misjudged the level of sincerity appropriate to the situation.

He tries to walk it back. “Not - I mean - you’re very… easy to listen to. Hear, I mean. You enunciate well.”

“Not a chance,” Bobby says with another shake of the head - slower, this time, closer to amazed. “You don’t get to take it back. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me, Don Hume. Don’t cheapen it with qualifications.”

“Nicest thing about your coxing, you mean,” Don says. Even laying claim to that small honor sends further heat to his face and makes the aches and weariness in the rest of his body recede a little. He could say even nicer things, if they weren’t so terribly incriminating.

Bobby bites his lip, smiling at his feet. He looks shy. “No, I mean nicest thing about me ever.”

He has to be exaggerating again. Don wants him to be exaggerating.

“But… all I said was that you’re you,” he says, bewildered.

Bobby’s lip is still caught between his teeth when he looks up, stretched into a sweetly pleased smile. “Yeah. But you said it like it’s a good thing.”

Don wants to do a lot more to the varsity crew’s faces than wipe an expression off them, if he’s right in thinking they played any part in making Bobby think it wouldn’t be a good thing. But there’s also a small thrill of possessive pride creeping up from his chest and into his already-red cheeks at the thought that he made Bobby smile like that, and maybe no one else ever has.

He wants to do it again.

“It’s a fantastic thing. You’re…”

His words fail him. All the things he wants to say, the things that come too easily to his tongue whenever he’s around Bobby - they’re all too dangerous. He falls silent instead.

“I’m?”

Bobby’s eyes are so bright.

“You’re… good. As a cox and… and just by being you,” Don says. He doesn’t know Bobby all that well yet, but that much, he knows, is true.

He watches Bobby take the words in, watches that smile reappear - smaller than Don would like, shyer, and yet somehow brighter even than the shine of his eyes. Bobby doesn’t sunburn as easily as Don does, but his cheeks are pink anyway.

Bobby clears his throat. “Careful with those compliments, Don, or I’ll get spoiled.”

“Good,” Don says, too caught in the loveliness of the whole picture to think before he speaks. “I want to.”

He shuts his mouth in horror and waits, heart sinking, as Bobby’s drops open in surprise. Any second now that smile will vanish, those eyes will turn cold, and Don will have to face the consequences of how stupidly, damnably easy Bobby makes things.

This time when Bobby bites his lip, it looks intentional.

“Okay. You can spoil me. If you want to,” he says, just above a whisper. “And… if there’s anything else you want - you can do that too.”

Don doesn’t have to read Bobby’s mind to know what’s being asked of him. It’s just easy.

#the boys in the boat #bobby moch #don hume #don hume x bobby moch #bitb fic

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kyezone · 17 days

Text

﹐﹕ first kisses with you

ʚ synopsis : atsumu and kiyoomi kiss for the first time. sort of.

pairings — sakusa kiyoomi & miya atsumu, haikyuu

author's note — sakuatsu my beloved :[ this is basically just a short drabble of how i think their first kiss went. i like to think they already knew each other since middle school and went to the same summer volleyball class. this is just self-indulgent and based off of this skts piece! (it's my favorite fr). enjoy !

"This is stupid," Kiyoomi (14) grumbles, shaking his head. Sitting across him on the bed in the same cross-legged position is none other than that cocky setter, Miya Atsumu (15).

Kiyoomi, for the life of him, has no idea how he got swept up into this current predicament. Trust Atsumu to make someone like Sakusa Kiyoomi lose all sense of rationality.

Atsumu pouts at him. " 'S not stupid!" He retorts. "Aren't ya curious, Omi-Omi?" Kiyoomi grimaces at the nickname, ignores how it makes his heart flutter ever so slightly.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't" He admits, ever the truthful boy. "But I'd rather give my first kiss to a frog than you," He says flatly. It's true, call Kiyoomi old-fashioned but he wants to save his first kiss for the person he's going to spend the rest of his life with. He wasn't going to give it to just anyone, let alone someone like Miya freaking Atsumu.

Atsumu gasps like dramatic slob he is, a hand clutching at his chest as if to better show his hurt. "Well, 'scuse me I don't fit inta yer standards, Omi!"

Kiyoomi rolls his eyes. "Why don't you find someone else to do this with?" He asks, head tilting to the side. Atsumu remains quiets for a moment and Kiyoomi can see the exact moment a faint blush colors his skin. He suddenly hopes he isn't doing the same.

"I ... I don' wan' it ta be someone else ..." Atsumu's voice is small and shy and not at all what Kiyoomi has come to expect of this arrogant and loud guy. For once, Kiyoomi thinks, Atsumu is acting like boys his age usually would when in the presence of their crush.

Wait.

Kiyoomi shakes away the thought. He shudders. Yeah right. It's quiet between them for a moment. Kiyoomi takes the oppurtunity to sneak glances at Atsumu. Brown hair and chocolate eyes, slightly tanned skin sprinkled with freckles.

Atsumu's fiddling with the volleyball between his legs, tapping on it slightly. It's obvious that he has no idea what to do now so Kiyoomi brings it upon himself to slice through the silence. "Fine," He says, and it's enough for Atsumu who's eyes glow with excitement.

"A'ight!" He exclaims, but he doesn't make a move.

They aren't exactly sure how to go about this. Atsumu studies Kiyoomi like an exam and Kiyoomi can't help but squirm uncomfortablly under his gaze. He watches with batted breath as Atsumu inhales sharply, squeezes his eyes shut, and leans in.

Kiyoomi does the same, eyes screwing closed as he anticipates, lips are pursed awkwardly. He can feel Atsumu invading his personal space and his hand goes flying into Atsumu's arm (Atsumu isn't any better, gripping onto Kiyoomi's shirt and undoubtedly crumpling it in the process), trying to calm himself as Atsumu's lips finally meet his.

Neither of them move, too scared to even do anything to fix the awkward position they're in. They don't open their eyes either and Kiyoomi can feel Atsumu's hand quiver, trying his best to keep himself steady and not fall into Kiyoomi's lap. Comedically, it takes them an entire minute before they finally break apart.

Atsumu is flushed red, but there's a big, toothy grin splayed across his face, perfectly encapsulating his joy and excitement. While he's over the moon, Kiyoomi is mortified. He sits there, completely dumbfounded.

He wipes at his mouth vigorously, suddenly able to think clearly again. He just kissed Miya Atsumu. His first kiss. Was with Miya. Atsumu. He's petrified.

The scariest part of all this? He wants to do it again. He shivers.

Oh god!

"Ya don't gotta be so dramatic 'bout it," Atsumu scoffs, pouting childishly. He leans forward teasingly and Kiyoomi can see his cockiness coming back as he does. He hates how he can feel his cheeks start to warm. "I know ya liked it," He teases, winking cheekily. Kiyoomi is unimpressed by this; leave it to Atsumu to be proud of his kiss with zero technique and zero experience.

Kiyoomi shoves him off the bed and Atsumu yelps when his bottom hits the tiled floors. "What the hell!" He cries.

"Don't flatter yourself," Kiyoomi grumbles, scurrying under his blanket. He tunes out Atsumu's rambling and complaints, instead focusing on trying to will his heart to calm down.

Gah, he can't believe it. He wasted his first kiss on Miya Atsumu. It wasn't like he was going to marry Atsumu, he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life with this snobby idiot. Over his dead body!

Kiyoomi stirs awake, eyes heavy with sleep. He looks around the room, the sun just now beginning to rise, bathing the room in a purple and dreamy glow. His eyes land on a patch of blonde hair next to him, snorting softly as Atsumu snored.

He yawns, laying back down and pulling the blanket over them. He pulls Atsumu's sleeping form closer to him, enjoying his warmth as he pressed a chaste kiss on the ring on his finger.

His 15-year-old self would go insane if he told him he would indeed marry the person he gave his first kiss to.

#haikyuu #fluff #haikyuu fluff #sakuatsu #sakusa kiyoomi #miya atsumu #sakusa x atsumu #kiyoomi has the biggest crush on atsumu #he just won't admit it #they're so stupid

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merlinficprompts · 10 months

Note

I have a Merlin prompt I would like to submit!! Sorry for the formatting I’m writing this on my phone it’s 1 am and I’m feeling feral

Merlin magic is revealed to Gwaine when he has to heal a fatal wound. Gwaine and Lancelot are having a private conversation about it, using a code word for Merlin’s magic. An eavesdropping Arthur misinterprets the whole thing.

(conversation goes roughly like this)

“To be honest I’m kind of broken hearted. I thought I was the first one to experience uh.. Merlin’s ’talent’.”

“Sorry friend, me and Merlin’s first meeting was when he was.. sharing his ‘talent’ with me..”

“I won’t lie to you, when he first started doing it I was.. I was mortified.. but then it felt so..”

“Good?”

“Yes! Gods, I know I’ll be condemned if others find out but.. I’ve never felt anything like it. I’m not exaggerating Lancelot, I truly feel as if a whole new world has opened in front of my eyes. I want him to do it again, I want him to do and show me more. I’m greedy for it!”

“I understand you, sometimes despite the years I’ve known of his.. ‘talent’, I find myself yearning to experience it again. I could never ask him to do anything that put him in harms way though, should anyone find out..”

“I know. It’s such a shame he has to go to such lengths to hide his true nature. During it his eyes were so bright and at peace, it made me want to never let him go. It pains me knowing he suffers so much, hiding his true self in fear. I asked him if he ever planned to tell Arthur and he.. he looked so pain. He’s terrified of what Arthur would think if he found out..”

“I don’t blame him. While Arthur’s a much better man and leader than Uther, there’s still no telling how he’d react finding out about.. Merlin’s ‘talent’”

“Well I for one think there’s nothing wrong with it. Especially since I’ve experienced the benefits first hand. I’m telling you Lance, I’m a new man. I haven’t felt this at ease in a long time.”

“Oh yes, i suppose we just must be grateful that we can consider ourselves among the lucky few who get to experience his ‘talent’, and work to assure his safety in the future.”

Now utterly convinced that Merlin is a slag who prefers men, Arthur struggles with multiple emotions; ranging from embarrassment to having overheard Merlin’s private business, to despair that his best friend was too afraid to admit his preference, to outrage over the (assumed) knowledge that his knights are apparently mounting his ‘talented’ servant. He’s scandalized to think Merlin was so wanton, he should be indignant and offended that he shares such camaraderie with an unrepentant harlot. Yet, for some reason he can’t put his finger on.. he mostly just feels hurt and betrayed. He’s mortified over what that means, and finds himself in a panic over what to do now that he’s learned his best friend (who he doesn’t realize he’s in love with) is apparently a huge slut who fucks his knights (and he’s utterly incensed on Gwen’s behalf since Lance is courting her at this time)

Unsure of what to do, he finds himself at a loss and confides in Morgana about how he should act, and whether he should intervene in any way or mind his own business. Morgana, somewhat impressed, finds this hilarious, but becomes angry when she hears about Lancelot. Her judgement of Merlin sours and she finds herself stuck between telling Gwen or fighting Lancelot. From there everything just kind of snowballs. The knights try to correct the rumor but obviously since they can’t say they were talking about his magic, all other excuses seem poorly constructed and they’re unable to fix the problem.

Meanwhile around the same time, the son of a good friend/ally to Uther, who’s infamous for his carnal and shameless desires, catches wind of this rumor upon his visit to Camelot. His interest peaked, he seeks out to proposition Merlin, regardless of Merlin’s willingness.. (arthur saves him in time tho)

Merlin, on the other hand, has somehow managed to remain completely oblivious to everyone’s newfound attention on him, paranoid he’s detecting some snickers and nasty remarks thrown his away, but mostly unsure and too tired to think too hard over it. He’s too busy prioritizing protecting Arthur and finding new ways to perfect his magic that the thought of being with someone amounted to that of another meaningless chore he’d tack onto his plate. He’s come to the conclusion that he’s not destined to have a partner and settle down, the closest he supposes he’ll ever get is being by Arthur’s side as he gets his fairy tale ending, wife and kids.. Merlin is perfectly fine remaining on the side as always. He doesn’t know why his chest aches everytime he thinks about it.

Everyone’s misunderstanding everyone else, Gaius forces Merlin to listen to him explain safe sex between men and assures him that he loves him regardless of whether or not he approves of Merlin’s constant changing conquest amount. Merlin gets sexually harassed, Arthur is emotionally constipated so he rescues Merlin from bullying but also yells at him bc he’s mad Merlin’s being a hoe with everyone but him apparently. Uther hears one too many random out of context dialogues pertaining to Merlin’s sexual abilities, and Kilgarrah spends his entire interaction with Merlin cackling his scales off bc he saw what happens and he’s so excited for it to play out.

TLDR Merlin wakes up one day and suddenly everyone is convinced he’s a huuuuuge slut. Chaos ensues.

While the premise is crack-ish, I do want the story to be written fairly seriously/realistically. If anyone’s interested in turning this prompt into a full fledged fanfic, I’d love for it to be a very very lengthy one. So excited to see if this gets written!!

I love this idea!!! I probably wouldn’t write it myself, but it’s so funny, beyond the embarrassment factor. I would love to see it though! If you or anyone else writes this idea, message me so I can post about it!

#fanfic writing prompts #bbcmerlin #merlin #arthur pendragon #writing prompt #merthur

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lovelyaces · 1 year

Text

Endless love

hi lovely people, i haven't posted anything in a while but i will definitely pop here from time to time. here you go with another fluff piece that basically translates my own fears on paper...

i hope you enjoy it. love, ace 🌷

summary : Pete knows and it seems like your world is falling apart.

“I know.” You and Peter were currently outside your friend’s home, trying to regain some balance after your firsts drinks of the night. You’re not sure how but your conversation turned into love interests and taking your chance.

“Oh no. You know ?” You didn’t need any more words from him to understand that your feelings had been unveiled.

“I know.” Peter reiterated with what seemed to be the most neutral expression on earth.

“Oh…” You were mortified. This was it. The world began to close on you and right now you wished you could turn back in time and make this ever growing anxiety ball in your throat stop.

Never had any of your crushes known your affection for them, you always made sure of it. Because what an embarrassment that would be.

Peter tried to approach you, and slowly hold your elbows in a desperately soft attempt to appease you. Tentatively he whispered “I shouldn’t know ?” All you could do was shake your head no. “Alright then. Consider it forgotten.”

“It doesn’t work that way Pete.” Your voice was shaky and you were on the verge of tears. How can you come back from this ? How long had he known ? How long was it going to take for the story to spread ? You were spiralling and Pete was standing there, confused but mostly heartbroken at the sight of you so helpless. “Why is it a bad thing that I know bug ?”

“Because.” Your throat was closing up and you definitely didn’t trust yourself to continue. Because you’ll go. The sound of the party in the back and the crickets sounds were all you could focus on in order to ground yourself.

Wiping your tears away, you stepped back for Pete’s hold, as if cutting yourself off before he got the chance to do so. “Because it’s not going to work out like I hope, you won’t want me back and you’ll think about how silly it was for me to even think about it.” God how pathetic you thought.

There it was. Peter’s heart squeezed so tightly in his chest, he thought it might stop beating altogether. Your voice, your hands, the way your were so sure he was going to mock you. Anyone would have been hurt to be seen as such, but he knew. He knew that it wasn’t personal, but your fear of rejection taking over.

“Let’s sit for now yeah ?” He searched your eyes with his and led you to the bench further down the garden.

Once sat down, he gave you his hoodie to put on your shoulders. He then waited a bit, opening and closing his mouth like he was searching for the right words to come out. You were resting your head on the bench, looking up to help the tears go back down and at the same time, avoid facing Pete’s beautiful concerned frown.

“I would never laugh at you.” You turned your head to look at him. He, who’s always cheeky and loud, right now looked so attentive and worried you might fleet away at any point. “And I think any fool that made you believe that should be webbed to a wall just to reflect a bit on life.” That made you chuckle a wet laugh. “Just for a few hours of course.”

More time passed but it never got awkward, both of you just trying to gather your thoughts.

“I know you think no one’s going to stay and wait for you. And - I can’t believe I am about to say this because you’re oh so wise usually - but you’re wrong here bug. Sure,” he shrugged, “some people aren’t going to reciprocate those feelings - and thank god for that because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to tell you this.”

He simply took your had and squeezed it twice before continuing.

“I wouldn’t laugh at you because, while simply being near you is a delight, knowing that I might have a chance at being loved by you, it’s everything. It’s like watching the sunset from Aunt May’s while she has music on, over and over again.”

You knew all too well afternoons at Aunt May’s place and the memories this sentence triggered lifted the weight off your chest partially. It was your turn to rub small circles on Pete’s hand, a silent encouragement for him to continue.

“You’re a lot more than you give yourself credit for bug. You just need to let people let you know.”

Exhausted and elated at the same time, you leaned onto Peter’s shoulder and quietly murmured,

“You love me ?”

“I do.” He took your intertwined hands and kissed your knuckles. “And here I thought I did a terrible job at hiding it.” The usual adoring smile had made its way back on his face.

“You’re a lot better than you think you are.” You added sheepishly, quoting his earlier statement. You turned your head that was still resting on his shoulder and placed a kiss there. “And I’d say you have more than a chance at being loved by me Pete.”

And he was right, it did feel like an endless sunset at his favourite place.

#andrew garfield imagine #tasm!peter fluff #tasm peter parker #tasm!peter x reader #peter parker imagine #andrew Garfield imagines #tasm!peter one shot

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angelizs · 2 years

Text

[Would it be enough? - Azul Ashengrotto]

Summary: He felt pathetic. He was sitting on the floor trying not to hyperventilate, desperately bitting back tears and gripping on the edges of his dignity. Azul was pathetic, and he was not enough for you.

Notes: gn!reader, unrequited love, angst, hurt no comfort, yes I like to make Azul suffer, some self deprecating thoughts too, oh the pains of unreciprocated love

It all started when you entered the board games club.

Azul would forever curse that day, the day you entered in his life and changed it forever. He'd curse and cry to whatever cruel entity watching over him for ever putting you in his path like that. But, at the same time, should he have been given the chance, he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Even if he had to re-do it all over, the one thing he would never change would be that day, the day the sun shined on him for a few moments and took his breath away.

It might be a foolish, sentimental feeling, something he was not used to, so out of character for him. But he couldn't bear to imagine how different his life would be without that day on it, committed to his memory, imprinted on his soul.

You were new and bright and warm, so different from everyone else he's ever met, be it from the land or from the sea. It must be because you weren't from Twisted Wonderland at all, but from a whole another world. Azul has never and will never meet anyone like you. He's not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, it simply is the truth.

Idia had decided to not go on that day, something or other about an important event he couldn't miss on one of his online games. The club didn't have anyone else besides them, so Azul would have skipped as well should he have been warned sooner. As he was already at the reserved classroom, he saw no point in moving, taking it as a break from work. He spread himself at the teacher's chair, feet coming up to rest at the desk, undoing some of his blazer's buttons and taking his hat off, messing his hair with his hands. He put his arms behind his head and let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes in fatigue, glasses sliding down his nose.

When the door opened, taking him by surprise, Azul was not prepared to greet you. He was not the image he presents to the public, not a refined businessman, not the top student of his grade, not Octavinelle's feared housewarden. No, he was simply Azul, such a vulnerable side to show as a first impression, no masks or pretentiousness.

You entered, both in the classroom and in his life, a little shy at first, eyes scanning the room before landing on his form, as he fumbled to recompose himself on the teacher's chair. If it were anyone else, he'd have been mortified and expected teasing at best, blackmail at worst. You did none, surprising him even more. You only smiled, brighter than a pearl, and asked him if that was the board game club room, so innocently, not batting an eye at his ruffled state.

He cleared his throat and tried to appear professional, even if he knew it wouldn't matter much for you anymore, but for his own comfort. You took a chair and put right in front of his desk, excitedly telling him you'd like to join.

The next hour could be described as casual for most people, but Azul wasn't most people and he did not do casual. When you spent a whole hour playing chess with him, listening to him as he talked about the club and, eventually, about Night Raven College itself, your full attention on him and only him, Azul felt like he never had before.

There was something about you. Something that made Azul's tongue roll on itself when he wanted to speak, something that made his heart beat concerningly faster, something that made his hands clammy and shaky when they moved his pieces, something that made his cheeks feel warmer around you.

And oh, you were beautiful. Radiant, even, with a smile of gold and warm eyes. You must have been a siren, for your voice fished his heart so easily, made him feel like he was floating on the calmer waves, the salty scent that felt so much like home lulling him into a sense of security. Azul wanted you to keep making him feel like that, he wanted to keep hearing your voice and keep looking into your eyes, he wanted the electrifying touch of your skin as your hands would accidently touch his, he wanted the comfort of your knees resting against each other.

It was not love, of that he was certain, since he had only just met you. Azul was not sentimental, that wasn't what this was about at all. Perhaps it was more like... infatuation. Perhaps Azul simply wanted to chase the feeling of being wanted for who he is, without pretenses or his usual barriers. Perhaps he liked the feeling of being on top of the world, something only you could provide him.

No matter. It was not love and Azul would not go after you. In fact, he would make sure to keep his distance, least those troublesome feelings get stronger.

And stronger they did get, because he couldn't avoid you. Your alluring song always brought him back to you, like a sailor infatuated with the sea's wonders, he'd always go back. There was no way to avoid you, not when you came back the next week for the club meeting, and the next, and the next, and the next. There was no way to avoid you, not when you were so kind to him, not when you treated him so different from what he was used to, not when you took his cunning side in stride and didn't get scared of him, didn't try to distance yourself. (Not when you treated him so much like a person, an equal, someone worth of your time). There was no way to avoid you, not when you would send him text messages to take care of himself and check on him at late hours to tell him to stop working and take a break, not when you would visit him at Mostro Lounge and invite him to sit with you at a table to simply spend time together.

There was no way to resist you, Azul was but a fish caught in your hook, completly at your mercy. You either didn't notice or didn't care, content with the way things were. But Azul did, he noticed and he wanted and he ached. There was a hole in his heart, molded perfectly for you to fit right in. It would be so easy for you slide to his side and click, fitting like puzzle pieces. Azul could accommodate to your needs, he could change the way he did things to spend more time with you, he could use his hard earned money to buy whatever you wanted, he could praise you for how long you wanted him to, never running out of things to say.

But here's the thing: Azul was not enough. You were content with being his friend, and only that. No money or praise would be able to change your mind, because Azul himself was not enough, never enough.

You deserved someone nicer, someone who would take good care of you, someone that could spend time with you and protect you and think of you above everything else. Someone that could give you the world. Someone that wasn't Azul.

It happened like this:

The little booth at the corner of the restaurant was warm. Not because that's how the air conditioner had set it to be, but because you were there with him. The chill of the undersea atmosphere couldn't reach the little world the two of you shared. He listened to you as you spoke about your day, what mischief your friends had gotten into and the new book you had been studying.

It happened like this:

There was something on your mind, Azul could tell. There was some restlessness in you, your eyes would wander around the lounge every once in a while, as if looking for something (or someone), your hands were agitated in their moviments, you were more thirsty than usual, you would derail your line of thought and get lost in your head for a few seconds, as if considering something before discarting it, or perhaps as if gathering up your courage to say something.

It happened like this:

Worried you were hurt or having trouble with someone, Azul gently asked what was on your mind. He saw your hesitation before you sighed, but you trusted him. Other people would know better than to open themselves up to the Octavinelle housewarden and give him any information for him to leverage, but you trusted him. Azul would do his best to help, even as a pit grew in his stomach and his senses screamed at him that something was wrong, because you trusted him, and he would never break that precious trust.

His heart cracked like this:

You confessed shyly, a little smile playing at the corner of your lips and your eyes avoiding his, gazing into the distance as if looking at someone else. Your fingers danced with each other and your head tilted to the side as you sighed, so full of emotion. It was an endearing scene, anyone would be lucky to get to see that lovesick expression in your face. Azul didn't feel lucky. No, in fact, he felt very unlucky. In another situation, he'd have given anything to hear you say those things, to have the chance of seeing you like that, flustered and giddy.

But here's the thing: Azul is not enough. Because it's not him you're thinking about when your lips curl like that, it's not him you're thinking about when your eyes soften like that, it's not him you're thinking about when your heart beats faster.

And there's nothing Azul can do against it, because you weren't in love with some complete random person, so far from him he couldn't even recognize their name. It might have been easier to take, should that have been the case. No, you had fallen for the closest possible person next to him, his vice housewarden. Jade Leech was the one in your mind as you ate besides Azul.

His heart broke like this:

The little booth wasn't warm anymore. It was impossibly cold, colder than his home under the sea. The chill settled on his bones, made a home on his lungs as his chest caved in. Your little bubble had burst, the world was no longer only shared between yourselves. Azul felt his heart dropping, he felt like throwing up. His hands shook and he stared and stared and stared. You had never looked so beautiful and so far away. You were glowing, but it wasn't at him.

He could only stare as you talked in rushed whispers, not wanting to let the truth out, not wanting anyone to overhear. He could only stare as you jumped in surprise and flushed as Jade suddenly appeared by your side to check if you wanted to order anything else. He could only stare as Jade smiled softly and teased you, you bantering right back at him, so full of affection and so naturally that the two of you just... clicked.

Azul hurriedly excused himself, murmuring an unconvincing excuse to leave the two of you alone and far away from him. He locked himself in his office and slid down the door, biting his lips and pressing the back of his palm to his eyelids, trying to rein his tears in.

He felt pathetic. He was sitting on the floor trying not to hyperventilate, desperately bitting back tears and gripping on the edges of his dignity. Azul was pathetic, and he was not enough for you. He was no longer the little boy he used to he, he did not need to hide in an octopot, but he wanted to. He wanted the easy comfort, he wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, he wanted to be left alone and to have you by his side at the same time.

He had always known. You have never tricked him, your feelings were clear. You liked Azul as your dear friend, your confidant, and that was the end of it. And Azul loved you and loved you and ached for you, as you fell for someone else. He was merely playing pretend for as long as he could, trying to stay blissifuly unaware of what was happening right in front ot him, as his two closest friends fell in love and left him behind.

When had that happened? When had you grown fond of each other? When had Jade won your heart over? When had Azul stopped being enough for you?

Has he ever been enough at all?

The floor had no sympathy for him or his sorrows. The vacant office mocked him, showing his life long accomplishments, everything he fought tooth and nail for. Was it worth it? He had what he had always wanted, didn't he? So why did his chest feel so empty, so dull, why did his heart ache so much?

Time passed by, but he gave it no mind. No one knocked at his door, most likely because the twins noticed he wanted to be left alone, and left alone he was. He broke down, a pathetic sight of a pathetic man, and he pulled himself together, drying his tears and fixing his clothes. He had to keep his image, at the very least, otherwise what else would he have left going for him?

Azul did what he does best. He pretended. He pretended everything was alright, that nothing had changed, that he was fine.

The one thing he didn't have to pretend was that he was happy for you. Of course he was, seeing you so excited about your crush was heart warming. But it was also heart crushing, to have what he's yearned for at his fingertips and letting it slip away. He'd stay happy for you, even as his feelings ate him alive and his heart screamed and kicked and sobbed that it was supposed to be him. Not Jade, but him.

Here's the thing: Azul is not enough, but Jade is. Jade is, and Azul will make everything in his power to make sure it stays that way, so that your heart won't break, not like his did.

It's a few days after that Azul pulls Jade to his office to talk.

He didn't want to talk, he wanted to scream at him, wanted to cry about how unfair it was, but he had more composure than that, he knew better. It wasn't Jade's fault you had fallen for him, just like it wasn't Jade's fault that Azul was not enough. And Azul knows Jade, he knows him like he knows himself, he knows Jade will be able to treat you right if that soft smile he reserved for you was any indicative. Yes, Jade could be vicious and decieving, he could lure you in only to break you, he could outsiren the siren. But he wouldn't. He wouldn't, because Jade was just as infatuated with you as you were with him. No, not infatuated. In love with you.

The thought left a bitter taste in Azul's mouth. He was terrible and selfish, he wanted you to himself, he wanted you to look at him with that loving gaze, not Jade, but him. He'd swallow the feeling down for your happiness, for you.

"You wanted to see me?" Jade inquired politely as he entered, closing the door behind him.

The air felt tense. His stuffed little office made him seen so close. Azul held the scream in.

"Yes, I wanted to talk to you about the prefect."

"Oh? What about?" There was a glint in his eyes at your mere mention. Azul clenched his fists, his short nails biting into his skin to help him gather his strength, not back out on this. He had made up his mind.

"Your feelings."

"My... feelings? I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

Jade, of course, wouldn't reveal his hand so easily. He could deny it all he wanted, his body spoke for itself. The way he became more alert, he leaned in slightly, his eyes widened just a fraction. It was proof of their years of partnership that Azul could notice all of this in the first place. Jade obviously liked you back, and Azul wasn't in the mood for his mind games.

"You like the prefect. Don't bother with denial, it's quite obvious."

"Oh? I'm obvious now? How funny, I could swear I've seen you swooning over the prefect before."

He was having fun with him, the bastard. Jade was perfectly aware of his feelings, just as attuned to him as Azul was, wanting him to take the bait. It was entertaining to taunt him, perhaps, or he wanted to see if Azul would try to talk him out of it and leave himself to try his chance with you. He might have if he thought he had a chance to being with, but that wasn't the case.

"Cut it out, I'm not trying to compete. Quite the contrary, in fact. Jade, I want you to take the prefect out on a date."

There, he had said it. He was almost sure there was blood on his tongue with how much it hurt to get those words out.

For once, Jade looked surprised, genuinely taken aback. Not his carefully constructed mask of shock, but his true reaction. Azul tried to feel the usual satisfaction that would follow such a thing, but he could only feel bitter.

"My my, that wasn't what I was expecting at all. How come, Azul?"

"The prefect likes you back, simple as that."

He couldn't, was physically unable to, hold back his heartache at that. His feelings came stumbling down each word, it was obvious. But he'd do it for your happiness, he would beg Jade to treat you well and with the utmost care, he would dig his own grave and lie in it.

Not that he would have to. At these words, Jade perkep up instantly. Nothing anyone else would have noticed, but Azul did. Of course Azul did, Jade was his closest friend. And he was about to let him have you all for himself.

"What makes you think that?"

Jade had to know, had to know the way you looked at him with stars in your eyes, had to know the way you giggled and joked with him, had to know the way you liked to stay as close as possible. He had to.

"It's just as obvious as your feelings. So, do me a favor. Please, Jade." His voice breaks. Azul feels something inside him breaking alongside it.

Jade's eyes soften, an equal mix of pity and elation, and isn't it a funny sight? Who wouldn't be euphoric to know they hold your affection? Azul knows he would, Sevens, how much he would, how much he wishes that was the case.

"I understand. Thank you, Azul. I'll make sure we will have a most pleasant time together."

With a corteous bow, Jade leaves him to his misery. Azul could imagine it all, Jade's own cooking as you ate with him on a dinner illuminated by candlelight, your laughter as you slow danced in the dark afterwards, the stars shining bright above you and giving their blessings. How your lips would be so soft as you press it against his.

He grabs his hair in frustation, his chest feels ready to combust, Azul is a ball of jealousy and self pity and he's not enough.

Being your friend would have to suffice. He couldn't bear to lose you from his life, so that would suffice. Keeping you close, but never too much. Having your attention, but never all of it. Staying by your side, even if you're not by his.

Digging his cracked chest bones into his lungs, breaking and breaking the pieces left of his heart, waiting for his throat to be rasped raw, until his tears dry and he dehydrates. Until the sea runs dry and the land gets flooded, until the sun combusts and the moon implodes. Azul will stay by your side, of course he will.

Even if he has to watch you holding Jade's hand oh so tenderly, asking him to bend down a little for you to kiss his cheek. Even if his insides burn at the scene. Even if he only ever gets to stare at your back all day. Once your smile shines again, he can't bring himself to regret it.

He'll curse the day he met you, but by the Sevens, he wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. As long as he gets to watch you being happy, from afar, he'll be satisfied. He'll focus on his work and his studies and anything else to keep himself busy, but a single message from you will be enough to break his concentration and capture his attention.

You'll always be enough for him, more than enough. No matter how many years pass, Azul will keep loving you, even if he's still not enough.

Masterlist

#twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto #listening to pink in the night by mitski while writing #not really related but listen to MORE by j-hope it's pretty good #Jade: out here living my best life #Me: Azul is drowning in an indescribable emptiness #Jade: this ain't about him #wonderland wonder

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