#he wanted to know about my sex life

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[craycraybluejay]

yeah yeah you hate me I'm an evil disgusting perverted manwhore we have each other blocked everywhere blah blah but I know you still jerk off to me and I know it makes you hate yourself a bit because you don't have the strength to accept the darker parts of your desire. but you can't help yourself and I take pleasure in the knowledge.

#this pussy makes homosexual men hate themselves !! #this tdick makes you want to kill yourself !! #this wretched and desirous personality has captivated you so !! #pussy change your life like im god~ they always fall in love not my fault~ #im never pickin up when they call~ #<- song lyrics #you want to fuck me so bad it makes you act stupid !! #im genuinely not mad people are generally going to end up hating themselves too much to be chill #but i am having a wild laugh bc this mf who told me i'm a gross freak also told me that he has sex dreams about me regularly #like yeah ok faggot #watch this loser text me in like a year apologizing for being a judgy little bitch begging me to respond LMFAO #thank u next hoe !! #idk its extra liberating to not only decide to be more choosy but also to know they obsessed #how's the vanilla boyfriend taste? can he get you off 7 times in a row? does he make you feel free and hedonistic? #anyway yeah im just being mean here bc its a mood boost i would not say this shit to anyone lmao #trust me bro i am literally the last person to cross the line when i get emotional (usually excited sometimes angry or horny) #ok no im a little prone to excitedly infodumping for 8 hrs but i try not to offend people #making enemies for no reason is a terrible idea

[coquelicoq]

kim dokja is fantastic bisexual rep. some of us are nonpracticing yet uninterested in vows of celibacy because we like to leave our options open. some of us are aro. some of us are idiots. some of us are all three. WE EXIST

#what some of us don't know about sexuality could fill an entire book (just got to that part 😂) #i adore how everyone in-universe is so obsessed with his nonexistent sex/love life & every time it comes up he's just like #ugh. this again? #and when he's asked what he wants to do at the end of the scenarios he's like i'd buy a big house where we all could live 🥺 #he loves them all so much but it doesn't seem romantic to me. he's just attracted to half his friends and loves everyone #but doesn't want to do any sex or romance about it. in my opinion #but it's very important that he IS bisexual. he's like YES i find all these people stupid sexy #NO that is not relevant to what i'm doing or want to be doing. whats not clicking #my bi rep can be a lil asexual. as a treat #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #kdj #my posts #bi #f

[fandomnerd101]

I gave Kevin a therapy dog

she doesn’t have a name yet but she will be named after some queen from history. If anyone has any recommendations I am begging you to tell me

#All the websites I’ve found with information about queens is only about their sex life and I’m gonna be honest I do not care #Neither would kevin #He wants to know which ones killed people and had the most influence #My art

[best-enemies]

I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]

Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)

Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]

(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)

LIKE!!!!!!!

Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.

#csi #gsr #i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything #need to talk more about these two here #because im obsessed about them in a Normal way #sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together #i would not though #i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far #also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what #i could talk about her forever she's everything to me #and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever #i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them #and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line #nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it #but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know #but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life #you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too #he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it #and his smirks #AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA #im losing my mind #i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ #ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic #one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone #or this persons' lifestyle #he's always trying to understand them and not judge them #like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people #and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much #like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara #they're a perfect match for me

[rhysintherain]

I know this episode is framed as a custody battle for Wilson, but "the polycule is fighting and demands their boss mediate their schedule" is much funnier so that's how I've decided to watch it.

#house md #'if you all agreed on the diagnosis you wouldn't wake me up in the middle of the night' #says man talking on the phone in a noisy bar where he's trying to get his boyfriend drunk before sending him home to his girlfriend #see also 'youre solomon now. you can cut him in half if you really want' #there is no straight excuse for how much house knows about Wilson's sex life #also i would bet money wilson gets off on these two bickering #house likes a good fight and so does amber #the only person not enjoying this is cuddy #'keep your foreplay out if my office' is going on everyone's next performance review #even Amber's and she doesn't even work here

[raspberryconverse]

Fic writers: How do you write smut without getting all hot and bothered?

I just wrote a scene while my spouse was in therapy and it's taking me every ounce of self control not to jump their bones.

It does help that the cat has taken her place on their lap and I know I still have garlic breath from my lunch.

#i'm not actually writing fanfic #more like an rpf “what if” story for my life #and i definitely don't want to be like #“i just wrote a really hot sex scene about my high school friend who i reconnected with last weekend” #“you know” #“the one who asked if i wanted to cuddle in his bed with him” #wanna fuck me later?" #i said no #tbf he was really drunk #also #i am wear a shirt that says #“busy thinking about girls” #clearly i am not thinking about girls right now #smut #fanfic #fanfiction

[bumblingbabooshka]

-Remembers how T’Pring looked as she watched Spock & Chapel vanish into the bathroom together after seeing them kiss on the bridge (which she knew was for a mission and didn’t hold against them but perhaps she could sense something there since they do have feelings for one another), maybe attempting to calm herself and her suspicions as she’s left alone again (and later finds she’s been left out entirely this whole time) and how she doesn’t know that Spock almost told Chapel he loved her then and there, with T’Pring in the other room waiting, and how Amanda and Sevet both think she could have more confidence in herself and how T’Pring thought that she and Spock were in this together (her holding his hand, subtly letting him know to pour slower so the tea flowers would bloom correctly, a whispered ‘well done’, the ritual is over mother) and how mere hours after she expresses to Spock how she feels: Like he doesn’t trust her, like he doesn’t care to include her in his life, how she’s trying her best to show him that she will accept him wholly, how she wants to be his partner instead of an adversary or an obstacle, after all this he’s found Chapel within the hour and is kissing her.-

#I've seen people say 'it's not technically cheating because-' and once you've hit 'technically' in MY opinion it's pretty much cheating #'taking a break' isn't synonymous with being able to kiss/have sex with other people - that's something that needs to be discussed #in my opinion...BUT ALSO. Even STILL. Not even a goddamn DAY went by. #T'PRING!!!!!! SAVE MY GIRL T'PRING!!! #Can you imagine hearing your fiancee who you ostensibly like tell you (very vulnerably - especially for a Vulcan: I didn't mind this bc I #personally assume that Vulcan partners WOULD discuss and talk through feelings though probably with a different goal than humans) #that she feels hurt that you seem to not want to include her in your life and that she feels you should take a break #and then IMMEDIATELY going to find the girl you have a crush on to tell her that you and your fiancee are taking a break and that you feel #bad about it and then IMMEDIATELY after that you're KISSING her?????? #didn't feel TOO bad about it then huh! #Anyway I'm not earnestly like incensed I'm tv angry on T'Pring's behalf - love the drama bc I'm experiencing SNW from a very particular POV #I will only be angry if they make T'Pring into the bad guy somehow (like if the NARRATIVE says this is correct) #also off topic but I personally think star trek has had enough 'Vulcan culture is bad and restrictive' episodes/talking points - Enough. #Find some joy and peace through connection to an alien culture PLEASE. #I get it humans are great humans are so much freer and happier than Vulcans humans rule - Enough. #-turns to camera with a smile- anywaaaay I watched the episode once and I couldn't rewatch it for this post so <3 #if any of this is wrong just chalk it up to bad memory <3 #snw spoilers #idk how long an ep has to be out for that to apply #also just so everyone knows - I /do/ think it's stupid that Spock forgets how to act Vulcan when he turns fully human #but I also just expected it since star trek writers LOVE bioessentialism #I have NO doubt that if Spock turned Klingon he'd suddenly start talking about honor and being rowdy despite those things being #learned and cultural v_v #I SAY ALL THIS...and I DID like the episode! I'm complicated <3 #<- just likes episodes with fun hijinks as their thesis and also T'Pring is there

[sapphicautistic]

My gf was listening to "White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons and I once again told her that song is SO much better if it's gay.

She doesn't listen to the lyrics of songs but she's extremely good at literary analysis and this time she actually looked up the lyrics and has now come to the following conclusion: "It makes no sense if it's not gay."

My (objectively best) reading is this:

The narrator was in love with a guy who strung him along, never willing to be in a committed (or public) relationship with him and maybe insisting that it's extremely heterosexual "helping a bro out" sex, except in more intimate moments. Finally out of nowhere guy is suddenly committed to a woman and when Narrator confronted him, guy spat out homophobic vitriol and claimed he's not gay like the Narrator.

(For extra flavor imagine them as closeted, straight passing Midwestern flannel wearing, love-bonfires-and-camping guys who sat next to each other at church and elbowed and annoyed each other like best friends do and were each other's go-to source of emotional support! And then to suddenly shut Narrator out for the first time ever, by abruptly marrying a woman and insisting that he's always been straight and their relationship meant nothing...)

Here are the lyrics:

Can you lie next to her And give her your heart, your heart As well as your body? And can you lie next to her And confess your love, your love As well as your folly? And can you kneel before the king And say, "I'm clean! I'm clean!" ? But tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage You did not think When you sent me to the brink, to the brink You desired my attention But denied my affections, my affections So tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life Oh, lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life

Why call multiple people "you" in a totally unclear way? Why would you claim that your female ex's new man can't love her AT ALL (not just as much as you did, AT ALL)? And invoking the judgment of God is so fucking tedious if you're just shaming your female ex for moving on or even cheating/getting with your friend. Also you look like a creepy asshole if you think a girl broke up with you for "loving her too much".

This song is tepid, badly written, and makes the narrator look like an asshole if it's NOT gay.

The gay reading is the ONLY compelling one.

#i don't even care about m/m romances lmao i get bored when there's no women BUT #this is objectively the best reading #anyways my gf and I came up with the main beats for an entire romance story about these guys #as a dyke raised in the church i really like the religious midwestern reading here too #also there's SUCH a phenomenon of guys having secret sex out in these rural areas and insisting even to themselves it's not gay #so this reading is very compelling to me #i also like to think the woman is like fine. there's nothing wrong with her she's sweet and friends with both of them. #gf said what if she's Narrator's sister? #like i think it's better narrative wise if the woman has no idea and isn't trying to 'turn him straight' #bc the ex CHOSE this. he caved and all so he can stand before God and insist he's 'clean' #which to me... very very resonant #updates on my boring life #also I think the ex can be either bi or gay like it doesn't matter because either way Narrator is convinced ex loves HIM still n not wifey #god i could go line by line but no one wants that lmao it's extremely funny that i fixated on this #i did not even know it was a mumford and sons song or that they are british until gf told me both facts today #i am in no way a fan #im jsut a sucker for religion flavored gay angst i guess or at least this variety of it

[minamotoz]

the boy meets world writers creating the most heartbreaking narrative about growing up queer and closeted in 90's you've ever seen (it is entirely through subtext and poorly aged, sorta problematic jokes)

#boy meets world #im sorry im in my shory brainrot era again #i know i literally Never post abt BMW but i cannot stop thinking about this genuinely #i rewatched 4x12 aka the gayest episode and my brain is about to Explode #'its only natural' 'sure......natural' UR JOKING??????????????? #theyre so miserable bc of their own comphet yet they just. accept the fact that 'its always been this way and it'll always be this way' #they both long for normalcy and acceptance and they think that being straight is the only way to achieve that HELLO CAN ANYONE HEAR M #like. cory chasing the white picket fence nuclear family fantasy with topanga and shawn chasing what cory and topanga have #bc theyre the most stable parts of his life #and so much of corys interest in girls is entirely reliant on keeping up with shawn #he starts crushing on girls bc shawn does. he starts dating girls bc shawn does. he wants to have sex w topanga bc he thinks shawns done it #FUCKING 'i always thought topanga was the one person i could live without but shes gone and uoure here and im alive so it must be you' #ARE UOU KIDDING ME #*couldnt #im sorry im judt word vomitting i just feel. Insane #this show and this ship make me go a bit cookoo bananas

[heytheredeann]

biromantic asexual Illya & greyromantic bisexual Napoleon

#tmfuedit #napollya #illya kuryakin #napoleon solo #the man from uncle #tmfu #not spn #my edit #ace illya #aro napoleon #happy pride month have my favourite headcanons for these two #i like aro napoleon a lot too but if i HAD to choose it's greyaro napoleon for me #i can just SEE him living his life for the most part and being SO DRAMATIC about it so OFFENDED whenever he falls in love with someone #like EXCUSE YOU nonono he did NOT ask for the extra feelings go back GO BACK #it happens once in a blue moon but when it does? oh he'll make it everybody else's problem #also my favourite ace illya is sex neutral ace illya who will indulge his partner sometimes when they want to have sex but he's just. #so fucking weird about it. #he's there like 'i am going to get a good grade in sex. which is something that it's both normal to want and possible to achieve.' #he wants a performance review after - he puts up with all this grossness he wants to at least know how he did #also napoleon is happy that he can be kinky with him because illya's thoughts about what is and isn't weird sex are Unusual #like yeah sure a praise kink makes perfect sense but thinking that asses are sexy??? WHY???? those are for POOP #he's up for role playing too but napoleon has to put up with his questions about how like. he hates hospitals right? #so why the obsession with the sexy nurse roleplay???? #napoleon isn't sure why he decided to crush on HIM of all people but he loves him very much dammit look at this weirdo he's perfect #ANYWAY ace illya and greyaro napoleon I NEED IT

[killjoy-prince]

Look I get Raphael is the literal devil but thats not gonna stop me from thinking his voice is hot

#prince's talk tag #i finally. FINALLY. made it to act 3 #and i was lockpicking all the hotel rooms in the sharess caress #walked in on two woman about to fuck before one of them turned to a mind flayer #but then i saw a door at the end of the hall and it was open so i go in #and once i do i see a familiar face and the title pops in saying 'devil's den' #and i was excited bc I'd get to here his voice again and suspicious bc 'Raphael. what do you want this time' #the devil knows how to put on a show ill say that much #heard people in the lobby talking about him and his sex life #also also i got the funny sex scene with the male drow sex worker i laughed so hard #bc if you say you wanna do missionary with the lights off he's so into it #and his line delivery killed me #i had astarion in my party and the drows tried getting him to join so it'd be all 4 but he wasnt comfortable #im surprised they knew he was my partner what gave it away? was it the multiple bite marks on my neck and bloodless status? #or was the way he looks at me whenever i talk to people

[to-dance-beneath-the-diamond-sky]

I know it’s international asexuality day and we’re supposed to be proud of being ace and all. But idk. That’s hard when I really really hate that I’m ace. Being a cisgender heteroromantic sex-repulsed ace is not exactly a fun or positive experience for me. It is just me feeling lonely and defective and wrong all the fucking time. Like that’s genuinely great for all the aces and aro people out there who love it and can take pride in it. You’re valid and you’re not broken and I’m happy for you that you can embrace and celebrate this part of your identity, I genuinely am. But for me personally, I would give just about anything to not be ace, I hate it so much. Being ace has never not once done a single good for me.

#I’m sorry #but I just want to be normal #Yeah yeah yeah I know internalized acephobia and all that #but idk #being ace has genuinely never resulted in a single good thing for me #very very hard not to hate it when it only ever makes life more difficult for you #idk maybe it’s just that it combines with my other trauma and shit but like #I still hate it and would give almost anything to not be this way #I want to be lovable #I want to be able to be in a normal healthy romantic relationship #instead of being terrified of them and sabotaging everything because the person will want to have sex #And the thought of having sex with anyone is literally panic inducing #Anyways #please ignore me #im just being emo and sad #Because I have such an intense crush on someone right now #And I can’t pursue it because I’m ace and he’d want things from me and I’m just. I just can’t #I can’t even talk about being ace to people because no one gets it and it makes me soo uncomfortable to have to talk about it or explain it #so yeah he’s so nice and I really really really like him. But like every other of the few times I’ve been romantically attracted to someone #I’m not gonna act on it because I’m fucking ace and I’m gonna be alone my whole fucking life #Because no one would ever want to be with me given the way I am #God #sorry please just ignore me #Personal