#he just comes alive when he gets to talk about space and the natural world and physics

[iovesia]

HIS BONNIE ON THE SIDE.

𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔. being in a relationship with dark!john wick through the years.

warnings. toxic relationship. nsfw. corruption kink. emotional manipulation. canon typical violence. gaslighting. not proof read.

pairings. dark!john wick ⠀𝒙⠀fem!reader.

josie’s note .⁺ ˖ ⌒ i love doing these little hcs (and also i've had no inspo for full length fics unfortunately </3). anyways, this is for my all my toxic!john wick enjoyers — hope you enjoy ♡ !!

#. requests are open. ⠀masterlist.⠀keanu reeves masterlist.

𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑.

dark!young!john wick is so much more impulsive, especially when it comes to you. even though he’s only in his twenties, his name is rapidly spreading throughout the crime world. john's known for his ruthlessness and ambition— and you get to be the first to fall victim to both, and live.

john is a bit of an adrenaline junkie— loves the thrill of the chase. whenever you try to escape from him, he’s hot on your tail. this game of cat and mouse only makes catching you so much more fun.

his jealousy is worse when he’s younger (although it never really gets better). having been raised in the ruska roma (a desolate home, completely void of love and feelings), he’s projecting all his emotional turmoil onto you.

again, john was taught to wield the sharpest blades, and wield the heaviest of guns— but feelings… heart to hearts? he’s almost emotionally inept. 

"thought you were too tired to go out," his voice makes you jump as you nearly drop your keys from your hands. you turn around, noticing him hiding behind your entrance door, lurking.

"i-i just went for a walk," you stammer. john's footsteps echo in your tiny apartment when he comes closer. towering over you at 6'1, you gaze upwards at your lover.

"yeah, i know. i saw you.. and him."

he’s fuming watching you get cozy and comfortable around other people, even if it’s just platonic. john wishes you were like that around him, and not so guarded and fearful.

and heaven forbid one of your male friends tried anything— anything. you’re devastated to see their photo splashed on the morning news the next day.

he’s possessive as all hell. working in crime syndicates and doing hits for the mob heightens his paranoia of something happening to you, so whenever possible, he keeps you under constant surveillance.

you frequently get into fights about this. even if you bring up the subject nicely, he damn near freaks out. 

“i just want some space. i'm not even sure you trust me at all!” your hands flop to your sides frustratedly, eyes fluttering with exhaustion at the tiresome loop of this conversation.

“i'm not going anywhere, ever. you can be sure of that.”

young!john is so quick to react, too quick. your arguments can get ugly very fast. seeing him so explosive and agitated with you in contrast to his usual charming and cool nature grounds you in reality— he's a cold blooded killer, and he could if he wanted to...

speaking of killing, because of his job, he randomly disappears for weeks or months at a time.

you miss him so badly, but it’s not like you could call him or talk to him in any way, so you spend many sleepless nights wondering what the hell he’s doing. if he’s even alive.

don't even try to break up with him, or ghost him. younger john is not above kidnapping you— and even worse, pretending like it's your fault. you've been a bad girl, and now you've forced his hand :(

dark john wick is a manhandler! i'm speaking my truth! he’s just so much bigger than you, and stronger than you, sometimes he doesn’t even realise the brute of his strength against you. 

he grabs your arm when dragging you somewhere, throws you over his shoulder, or when he’s feeling particularly passionate, just presses his fingers into your cheeks and pulls you in for a rough kiss.

"it's you and me, till the end. i meant it, you know that right?" john asks softly, his forehead gently pressed against yours, his dark irises searching yours for any semblance of understanding. you slowly nod, and try not to cry when he locks his lips with yours.

⠀⠀⠀

𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐄𝐑.

dark!older!john wick is silent but deadly. having (somewhat) emotionally matured into his middle aged years, he’s more calculated, and logical when it comes to you.

less explosive and controlled by impulses, his ability to fill your innocent little heart with guilt is almost impressive.

“i’m sorry, john, please,” you wrap your arms around him from behind, your chest pressed against his back as you rest your chin on his shoulder . “i-i do trust you, i swear. how can i show you i do?”

while john’s face may well be presenting a hurt facade, he can’t ignore the growing bulge in his pants. your glassy doe eyes, quiet sniffles, and desperate need to want to be in his good graces again— who is he to pass up the opportunity?

even older, he is still so fiercely protective over you. he’s the infamous baba yaga, he’s not taking any chances. you’re damn near suffocated from how tight a leash he keeps you on.

when you keep resisting his “protection”— john is determined to make you see how much you need him. he’d probably hire someone to scare you a little bit, or even do it himself, just to have you driven back into his loving arms.

“i’m here, honey,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around you, enclosing you in his warm embrace as you sobbed into his chest. thankfully you miss the small eerie smile on his face. “i’ll always keep you safe.”

he has a little bit of a corruption kink. you're this sweet little thing, and john's ready to completely smear your rose-tinted view of life. while he doesn't give you all the gorey details, whatever he does tell you just adds onto the emotional manipulation that you need him. that you can't live without him (when it's practically the vice versa).

he's so unbelievably devoted to you. it's actually unhealthy, you're constantly on his mind. normally, he can keep underwraps how sickly in love he is with you— but during sex is when his darkest thoughts come out.

“i’ll kill them,” his lips against your ear, a hand gently holding your throat while the other is pressed against your button, vehemently rubbing circles.

he continues rutting into you, deliciously stretching your small cunt with his large cock. the tip gently kissing your cervix as you let out a strangled moan, completely overwhelmed with pleasure. “I’ll kill them all for you, every last one.”

he’s kind of condescending in a way that he thinks you need his help for every little thing. at first it makes you feel small, and stupid— hey, you may not be the world’s most feared assassin but surely you don’t need his help with walking to work in the morning!

he's always right (or at least he thinks). having been put on a pedestal by the crime world, it's no wonder john develops a slight superiority complex. john likes to let you "win" fights— but deep down, it's his way or no way.

*cough* he's a stalker *cough*.

either way, younger!john or older!john perceive you as the angel among his demons. the one thing in his life that could cleanse his soul— or taint yours.

﹙ ♡ ﹚─ taglist: @desoolate @sughcashsaiki @vezuiv @br-2408 @beansricejc @emosludge @nwheregirl . . !

let me know if anyone wishes to be added/removed. ∗ ୧ ‧ ₊ ˚

#dark.josie #keanu reeves x reader #keanu reeves imagine #john wick x reader #john wick imagine #john wick #john wick x you #dark john wick #yandere john wick #tw toxic relationship

[spicyvampire]

Man, I cannot stop thinking about Chalothorn coming to save Tharn and listening to Tharn when he asked to not kill Montree (and u know it's serious cuz i'm using his actual name)

Like that is when Tharn understood what he had to do to break the curse isn't it? Like this is when he went from grieving having to leave and accepting it because he knew what he was going to do while he was gone and he didn't know if it was going to work but he was going to try like this is a man with determination right there, like he isn't only looking at Montee he also has a goal in mind

and I feel like talking about this process Tharn went through but also just going through the trio's "character descriptions" as in Chalothorn being a fighter (maybe not talk about Chalothorn in this specific post I want to give him a whole post for himself), Wansarut/Tharn being an healer/protector (mediator?) and Sakuna/Phaya being a fighter (somewhat a little bit of a protector Wansarut/Tharn kinda rubbed off of them akasghjsgajhad like literally) and also just talk about power levels and who would match who in a fight and how that affected Tharn's decision or something idk we will see

Disclaimer : pulling all of this completely out of my ass from watching the show but it makes sense to me, might not make sense to anybody else cuz these are just raw out-of-order thoughts

I think I'll put everything under a keep reading cuz I know We about to spend an hour on this cuz this is taking too much space in my brain and I got school assignments to do so we just gonna throw it up right now

WANSARUT

Let's start with the fact that Wansarut is a healer/protector (and a mediator of some sort maybe? idk) like from the get go you got Wansarut saving Sakuna and healing him, simply because Sakuna was still alive (ep 8)

Like they are enemies at that point??? and what if Sakuna decided to kill Wansarut when he got better? And you can see that Sakuna does not understand Wansarut's actions cuz like they are enemies! That is a big risk Wansarut took simply because he was still alive, because it's not in Wansarut's nature to just sit there and watch someone die, whether they are from the enemy side or not, and Wansarut tells Sakuna to leave as soon as he feels better too, because Sakuna is clearly in Naga territory and it's dangerous for him there, and Wansarut didn't ask anything in return until Sakuna proposed it, and what Wansarut asks is just so goddamn UUUGHHHRBSGUYAHFG [tv static noise]

I literally do not know how to describe it but like Wansarut has an entire Garuda that is the literal Garuda king's brother saying he will give Wansarut anything as a favor because Wansarut saved him and Wansarut asks for peace between their people??? That's why I was like Wansarut is kinda a mediator, also later Wansarut says this

Really showing even if Wansarut would be happy with Sakuna, this situationship they got going on, Sakuna's presence in these woods, could make the war both of their people are living worst, and Wansarut do not want to cause harm, it would go against Wansarut's healer/protector nature

Also random sidenote : the way Wansarut talks the human world and about that Naga legend of a Naga turned human that wanted to be a Monk, is such a benevolent and loving god way of talking, also the fact that Wansarut is showing this whole part of Naga culture (Naga offering and breathing fire to pay respect to Buddha, on the 15th nigh of the 11th waxing moon) to Sakuna an outsider??? a literal enemy of Wansarut's people???? mind fucking blowing if you ask me

THARN

Ok enough about boyprincess time to talk about babygirl Tharn and how Wansarut's healer/protector (mediator) nature translated to him

Let me start with the fact that Tharn almost never attacks anyone first, and is always ready to put his gun down, and literally never shoot if he doesn't have to, let's just take a look at how fast he put his gun down in ep 12 and the fact that he didn't just shoot Montee goon in the back which gave him the time to disarm Tharn

Also when he could have literally shoot Narong possessed by Chalothorn back in episode 5, the coast was clear Phaya was out of the way and Narong was attacking Phaya so he had "reasonable" reason to just shoot the guy, like hell they even made eye contact and Narong (Chalothorn) just fully ignored him cuz he knew Tharn was not gonna shoot and Tharn really just didn't shoot

And don't get me started on the fact that Tharn took that stab for Phaya i'll be here till next year like!!! All that was in his mind was protecting Phaya and if he get hurt doing it so be it, which is literally exactly what his past self did, they will protect what they love, whatever the cost

Like it almost doesn't make sense that Tharn is a cop in this lifetime because of his healer/protector nature, if they still were making him a first responder, it would have made more sense if Tharn was a paramedic or something, but because his parents were killed it and he had to get justice for them he was knocked off the typical healer/protector path slightly, but he was still doing his cop job like he was a healer/protector (which is what cops should be tbh. but that's another discussion), like i wouldn't be surprised if Tharn's other reincarnations were in the medical field in some ways (but again how do you tell this story if they aren't in the same field of work? that's another problem innit)

SAKUNA

Unfortunately I gotta stop talking about babygirl Tharn and talk about our resident bird

Sakuna is fighter first and foremost like there is no questioning that, but I think he is a level lower than Chalothorn, like Sakuna is a high ranking soldier, probably his brother's right hand man but both time Sakuna tried to fight Chalothorn he lost, first time he was hurt very badly and Wansarut had to heal him, second time cost him and Wansarut's life and that's how the cycle started

And it honestly doesn't look like he match Chalothorn's powers even in garuda form, I think the garuda that would match Chalothorn would be Sakuna's brother (ep 12), unfortunately Sakuna would never get to a level where he could win since he died, and just keep dying every reincarnation after that, and I assume he just keep dying before he reach his full powers

But anyways by the end of Sakuna's life he wasn't only a fighter, you can see he genuinely was worried and wanted to protect Wansarut and he didn't care for his brother's war all that much, he did fight but that was to prove his love

And that's kinda beautiful isn't it? that's the effect Wansarut has on people Wansarut is close to and that's honestly the most powerful talent, like more powerful than the actual magic Wansarut can do

PHAYA

Phaya bird man extraodinaire is yet again a fighter (soldier) in this life, quite literally in the investigation team, but you can see that he has leadership qualities real early on (ep 2)

He is honestly a natural leader and I'm sure Sakuna was too, but on the powers side, his garuda powers like dormant/just under the surface this whole series, the best we get are little sparkles (ep 5 + ep 12)

His best qualities : his sparkles

Sidenote : let me just mention how protective Phaya is of Tharn, guy put his whole body over Tharn when there is a blast near, he is always in front of Tharn when they are fighting, not just episode 12 but simply all the time, like both time we saw his sparkles were related to protecting Tharn in some ways, like this man has a very fighter way of being a protector

But anyways my little birdy you are doing amazing tweety and I love you, but like how is he supposed to fight this fucking thing with goddamn garuda sparkles????????????

Well the answer can only be that he was never supposed to fight it. Like let's think about this for a sec, every goddamn reincarnation before phayatharn died why do you think? well idk but I can at least say for certain Sakuna and Wansarut died because Sakuna chose to fight. Literally every goddamn time this shit has always gone down south and we can assume it is because they fought Chalothorn. Fighting was literally NEVER the answer, but they kept doing it and honestly isn't insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results???? They've tried Sakuna and Chalothorn's way and the only thing it got them, is them both killed in all their past reincarnations and Chalothorn being honestly one reincarnation kill away from turning into a Naga forever

Also like sidenote : there is no sign of Tharn's Naga form, like what we got from Tharn are some somewhat powerful sparkles but you can't seriously tell me he can fight Chalothorn literal king of Nagas with that, like the sparkles were only there to protect Phaya, Tharn/Wansarut were never meant to be fighters (ep 5), like even with Phaya and Tharn's powers combined it wouldn't work tbh

Problem is, this whole situation with Tharn's parents dying and people Tharn love dying did make Tharn forget who he was, so much suffering and hurt and grief from a young age can change a soul, Tharn was looking for justice for his parents and frankly was kinda impulsive and reckless about it, and thats why the abbott's role in this show was so goddamn important, he was here to remind Tharn of who he is (the lion king simba and mufasa style REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE), and that is a healer, a protector and a mediator first and foremost, he even said this in episode 3 and he is right Kindness is Tharn's biggest weapon (and Phaya's btw because Sakuna's soul has changed a lot over the courses of reincarnations and he is such a sweetie, that is until Chalothorn walks into the room)

FINAL

bro where was I even going with this? Idk but back to Chalothorn listening to Tharn in episode 12, I think that's when Tharn got a declic as to what the abbott meant by all of his mediation and precepts stuff, Tharn understood then that first of all Chalothorn is not only a killer, the person he has known all these years that cares about him and his wellbeing is there, he literally came to Tharn's rescue twice, in ep 11 when Tharn was falling off the cliff and with Montee in episode 12, the problem is you cannot talk calmly to Chalothorn with Phaya in the room, it's just never going to end well, you put those 2 head strong (mostly) fighters in a room and all hell break lose and people literally die

So Tharn knew he had to leave, but this time, in contrary to the end of episode 11, he had a purpose, the purpose was to change Chalothorn's mind from the inside, because Chalothorn's has show signs of caring and kindness (again he probably got that from hanging out with Tharn tbh), but Tharn didn't know if that would work, he didn't know if he was going to be able to come back to Phaya, and that's why he was saying goodbye like that

That's why it felt like, contrary to episode 11, this goodbye from Tharn had an air of acceptance of his fate, because he knew it was his time to go and fight for his and Phaya's love, but this time he was going to do it his way, and that way is with kindness, love and empathy, like the healer/protector that he is

#the sign #the sign the series #phayatharn #i have no idea if any of this makes any sense but i'm exhausted so i'm going to bed #but what im saying is this story could have never been resolved by fighters #like they would have fought each other into complete destruction of their souls it would have never worked

[cursedvibes]

The way people are focusing on "My fav Gojo is not racist, he's just ignorant" and "Gege really hates Gojo he made him racist" when it was not even the point of that interaction. The point was to educate and talk about some stereotypes about black people that are harmful to the community and, if you look into it I'm sure you'll find has it origins in slavery.

Besides, Gojo is privileged and comes from an old money family, and it looks like he isolatehimself from others. Of course, it's in character for him to say stupid things like that. Even if he strives for change.

Yeah, everyone is so pressed that their fave is being problematic (which honestly Gojo has always been, he's hardly a saint and he treats many people quite shitty like for example Utahime and Ijichi) that they miss the bigger picture of this. Given, I think there are better ways to get that point across, but the aim here was definitely not "look at what a uniquely bad person Gojo is, I want to make readers hate him" it's for readers to reflect upon themselves and their own biases, conscious or not. Gojo is often being a dick to people, Miguel included, but this wasn't it. He wasn't just being annoying as usual, he made a misinformed statement rooted in racism "black people are naturally stronger/tougher/more resistant" and he got told off for it, which actually led to him apologizing. He expresses bigoted views, that are quite common all around the world and can lead to real harm like for example medical discrimination, but people often don't question or even notice that they have these views. I think exactly because he's such a fan-favourite character, Miguel calling him out and Gojo admitting he said fucked up shit is important.

Gojo might make a trip to Kenya to meet Yuuta, but unsurprisingly doesn't have any real black acquaintances and the one black person he knows a little better doesn't like him because he treats him like shit, an expandable tool (given, Miguel did try to help someone do a genocide so it's not like him working to make up for that in principle is a problem, but Gojo is not just treating him badly because of that) and has dismissed him and his culture as a whole. Gojo's racism towards Miguel didn't come out of thin air with chapter 255.

No wonder Miguel wants him dead.

You could say Gojo's racism and ignorance got punished before as this powerful cursed tool he so casually dismisses here together with its history could have gotten him out of the box much earlier. If he hadn't gone out of his way to destroy part of Kenyian sorcerer's culture because of his fear that it might be used to hurt him, he might still be alive. This chapter the payback was just more direct, Miguel was given the space to push back and not just get beat up (making in the previous moment Gojo seem like the righteous cool guy, seen by how the fandom reacted to their fight) and he also didn't sugar-coat it and straight up said "you're being racist".

The fact that Gojo apologized, something quite rare for him, and didn't defend his uninformed views or mocked Miguel for questioning him also shows that a lot of this comes from unaddressed biases, irrational fears and having lived a sheltered life in terms of being exposed to other cultures (and actually valuing them) that influence his judgement. He's not trying to be maliciously racist, but he clearly doesn't know what he's talking about and why it is harmful. I don't think he revelled in destroying other people's culture, he was just driven by a base fear, but that doesn't make the harm he caused any better. He's never had any reason to engage with black people on a personal level and that has unsurprisingly led to some ignorant opinions about them. Again, a very common sentiment which Gege uses Gojo to highlight. This is clearly reflecting arguments and talking points Gege has heard themselves and tried to address here. I'm sure there are all kinds of wild racist takes about Miguel on Japanese social media, I know the English side has them plenty.

I think the message Gege wanted to send was executed a bit clunkily by for example still tying Miguel's CT to rhythm (replacing the inhumanly strong black guy stereotype with another common one) and putting the burden all on Miguel to educate the people around him. Similarly, having only one (explicit) black person in the manga who has to then explain anti-black racism to the reader makes it feel very forced. I think you could've avoided a lot of that and included these topics more dynamically by giving us more background on Miguel's technique and how he came to it and comparing it to cursed technique's of other Kenyan or African sorcerer's. Another option would be making Hakari for example Black-Asian (or Todo or Yaga). He has a darker skin tone than the other characters and differently textured hair (which would already lead to him having to face a bunch of bigotry in his everyday life) and he is hated by the conservative higher-ups. So actually do something with that and address it.

Even Japanese people who are merely slightly tanned get harassed. Just being from Kyushu or Okinawa, somewhere where it's much warmer and sunnier and therefore not being as pale as the average person in e.g. Tokyo will get you plenty of derogatory comments, especially if you're a woman. That goes extra for indigenous people like the Ryukyuan or Ainu who not only face prejudice because of their appearance but also legal discrimination because of their origins and challenge the very popular notion that Japan only has one ethnic group and one language. Japan still struggles with a lot of racism internally against their own people, so you can imagine that it's even worse for anyone who newly immigrated or with parents who immigrated (in the best of times you will always be treated as a foreigner no matter how well you speak the language or integrate into the culture simply because you look "different"). It has gotten better in recent times, but it's still a problem, as Gege pointed out in this chapter.

Coming back to Hakari, we would also be able to see through him how jujutsu society treats black-identified Japanese sorcerers, which would be a different perspective from Miguel's who only visits Japan occasionally and mostly operated outside the system until Gojo came along. Black people aren't just something distant overseas, they are also Japanese citizens. You could show if and how jujutsu society differs from regular Japanese society. Most likely they are even more behind as they also discriminate against what kind of cursed technique you have (modern or one based on a long bloodline, which would automatically work against anyone not born in Japan and with a long family history there). You could also combine it with the transphobia Kirara faced and generally show how this system fails young sorcerers who don't conform to their norm.

But yeah, sorry Gojo is not perfect and will fall into the same stereotypical and bigoted thinking as many other people who rarely step outside their narrow homogenous social circle. Like you said, he's privileged with old money and family history who pride themselves on their bloodline. He's generally very narrow-minded about things that don't interest him or he sees as irrelevant like how he doesn't bother to understand Maki or has no problem ignoring a starving child on the road (who cares what happens to Hana, she's weak and Megumi is the strong one, he's who matters here and deserves to be lifted out of poverty) and international sorcerers fall under that as well. There are so little of them so it's okay to ignore them, why should he bother reaching out or informing himself about people abroad, he's never gonna interact with them anyway. If they get too dangerous for his taste, he's just gonna slap them around a bit and take away their sharp toys.

Honestly, I think what Gojo did previously is worse than what he said this chapter. He can learn to check his internalized racism and be more mindful of how he talks to Miguel or black people in general (he shows openness to criticism and improvement here), but he can't bring back Black Rope. It falls to Kenya's sorcerers to recreate it, which will take decades. They'll feel the impact of Gojo's actions long past his death, even when he can't say anything ignorant or racist anymore.

So I don't think this ruins his character, was done by Gege to make Gojo fans feel bad, or meant to keep anyone from liking him. He has character flaws and that is fine. He gets challenged on them and receives push back for them plenty in the story. I can understand that some fans feel bad reading the chapter, hearing Gojo regurgitate talking points they might've heard said against them as well, but it's not really Gege's fault for addressing this very common issue.

#asks #jjk spoilers #jjk 255 #jjk leaks

[ijuststareatstuffhereok89]

"Time & the Trickster" a Loki/Doctor Who crossover

Chapter 13: The Ones Left Behind

Sylvie chases you into the bowels of the TARDIS, leaving Loki at her mercy on one side, while you and The Doctor are stranded on the far end. It's a race back to the time vortex to determine who gets control of the TARDIS in the final hours of reality!

CHAPTER WARNING (18+): none

Previous Chapter · Next Chapter MASTERLIST

“How does she know where to go?” you asked as you followed The Doctor further into the depths of the time machine. The lights flickered as the TARDIS itself continued to react to Sylvie’s defiance, as well as the time stones’ interference. Because of this, you and The Doctor weren’t running as you continued your descent. 

“She’s been here with me for a few days, she’s had time to explore,” he replied. 

“Ah,” you nodded. “Yet you said you never fully warmed up to her. Why?”

“Oh, well when you’re as old as I am, you learn to pick up on things. Holes in stories, feelings that don't line up with actions and the like, y’know?”

“I guess so.”

The time lord went on. “If someone like Sylvie thinks it’s Loki’s ultimate destiny to make a sacrificial move, then why did she storm in here like a Judoon looking for a fugitive? There’s too much brute urgency in the way she acted. You’d think someone’s literal other half sent to retrieve them for imminent imprisonment would be a bit more reluctant and solemn at the task.”

“She is NOT his other half,” you insisted with a brief sigh. 

The Doctor stopped in his gtracks, giving you the first serious once-over he’d lent you since arriving. “Oh, I see,” he said with quiet sympathy. “How long did it take you?”

“Take me? To what?” you asked defiantly. 

“To fall in love with Loki, of course!” he said casually. “It’s plain as the eyestalk on a Dalek’s face.”

You shrugged. “Not long at all.”

The Doctor thought back for a moment. “It’s the worst thing a traveler can do, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Fall for someone. Anyone.”

The two of you went onward toward the vortex chamber. 

“You’re talking about Rose,” you decided.

The Doctor wilted. “Yeah.”

He was suddenly way too quiet. “She chose to go to the throne--err, I mean--risk falling into the Void. She only got lucky at the last moment, which is why she’s still alive.”

“Loki won’t be so lucky unless we get Sylvie to go to his place.”

The Doctor asked if you’d planned for any way of doing that. You brought up your plan to fake her out with Loki’s dramatized death. “It’s a bit Disney, but it’s frankly better than anything I got,” he mused. “But, are you ready to let go of him if it fails?”

You nodded without words. 

“It’s a burden that all travelers endure,” The Doctor went on. “Sometimes it feels like a pair of binary stars circling, basking in the glow of one another but never fully combining, because there’s always some force of nature keeping you from fully coming together.”

“I was a fan of his character,” you explained. “I’d dreamed of him for ten years. When he literally came to life before me, I didn’t know what to think. But…he’s even better than the character. I didn’t want to know that. It would’ve made things so much easier if I hadn’t--”

“--now, now,” The Doctor pouted his lips, “regret doesn’t solve anything.”

“Regardless,” you sniffed back, trying to stifle any crying before it started. Getting emotional was the LAST thing you needed in the moment. “I know I have to give him back. There are others who need him. I’m just afraid of the heartbreak, and how lonely it’s going to make me.”

“Are you alone in the world? Aside from Loki,�� he asked. 

“No,” you said quickly. “My brother…who seems to be having trouble finding a parking space,” you added, “we live together. Our parents died a while back. Neither of us socialize much out of work…aside from with the beat cops at the precinct, I suppose.”

“I see,” he replied. “Family’s good.”

“He’s younger, and sometimes he’s difficult to pin down, but sometimes I think I’m the dependent one,” you moped. “He’s the only one who knows how to quell my panic attacks, and if it weren’t for him, I’d absolutely be alone in the world.”

“How often do you have them? The anxiety attacks?”

You rolled your eyes. “More than my share as of late.” 

“Of course! Though after the way you tried to take Sylvie all on your own, I was already under the impression that you could take of yourself.”

You smirked. “That wasn’t strength, it was anger.”

“Oh no, you were brilliant back there, truly!” The Doctor insisted. “Have you forgotten she’s Asgardian like Loki? You don’t seem to fully understand that you challenged a god face-to-face just now.”

That perspective hadn’t occurred to you. Your chin went up in pride. “I guess I did, huh?”

The TARDIS shook, but you were able to grab on to your escort’s shoulder to steady yourself. “Sounds like we should move faster,” he mumbled. “Blimey, I thought Loki was going to be the difficult one.” 

“Well, in a way--”

“--yeah, don’t try explaining that Variant stuff to me. I regenerate my face and body, and even I think that version of the universe has too many rules and holes.”

You nearly snorted in laughter. “One of you is more than enough, is it?”

He laughed in turn. “Oh absolutely! Just ask every foe from here to Raxacoricofallapatorius.”

“I’d rather not.”

The Doctor led you down a flight of metal stairs and through an archway to the next level of the time machine. “You know, if we didn’t come from separate realities, I’d invite you to go see some places with me.” 

“Really?” you asked airly. “I’d love that. It’s such a shame I’m trapped on the most worthless branch of the least interesting, magic-free cardboard box of a timeline there is.”

The Doctor clicked his tongue. “I suppose I pity you a little there.”

Gee thanks, Doctor, you thought. That sure helps.

“Loki has shown me so much since being in my life. Now that he has to leave it one way or the other...I don’t know where to begin processing a life after seeing magic, seeing that he exists beyond a film screen, and hereafter never seeing it or him again. It’s like he’s about to climb back into the TV and turn it off.”

“Echos fade,” The Doctor promised. “Healing will come. You just have to be willing to give it a try once it’s time.” 

You sensed the sorry in his words. You knew he’d managed to move on from his Rose. “What’s it like? Losing the one you love like that?” you dared to ask, regretting it as soon as the words left your lips.

The Doctor put his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes for a moment in thoughtful silence.  He looked sullen, quietly sad, his face forlorn. “Would you like the kind answer or the real one?”

“You know what I want to hear.”

He sighed. “You’ll blame yourself for a long time. You bargain with every invisible force to take their place. Even if you know they are alive and thriving, wherever they are, the room always feels a little larger to you after they go.”

“I wish I couldn’t feel at all,” you said woefully.  “Feelings suck.”

“Well, don’t talk like that, you’ll start to sound like a Cyberman,” The Doctor joked lightly, breaking a bit of the drama in the corridor.

You giggled until he interrupted you with, “But…the night sky will suddenly hold a lot more meaning for you. You’ll begin to appreciate the smallest things that remind you of them, and smile when their face enters your thoughts. The smells that bring you back to the times you shared will become addicting and delicious.”

You took one more turn around a sharp-angled corner, and were met with a pair of large, heavy double doors. You heard voices speaking in muffles within.

“But the one thing that tops them all, Y/N, the one thing you need to remember if things come to the worst possible scenario: what they did is not your fault. They made their choices because of their love for us. It wouldn’t do to cry in their wake for long. It’s our duty, as the ones they leave behind, to live.”

It made you think, and the sigh you let out felt as if it weighed fifteen pounds. What more could you and Loki ask for? The possibility that you could run off together that was infinitesimal at best? Perhaps it was asking for too much. Ultimately, no matter what came of the grand finale of this adventure, you would carry the love he’d given you and the lessons he’d taught you for as long as you went on.

“Well, no time like the present,” The Doctor said, indicating that this was your destination. “We’ll need to act quickly. Get the stone into her hand and by whatever means necessary, get her to drop it over the time vortex without anyone falling in.”

“How will I know what that is?”

He gave you a look as if to say you’ve got to be kidding me.

“Oh right,” you mumbled awkwardly. “Wibbly wobbly.”

He nodded with an encouraging smile. “Wibbly wobbly. But I must warn you not to look directly into it. Looking into the time vortex can do unspeakable things to you.”

You and The Doctor each laid a palm on a door, ready to fight the moment you got inside if needed.  “Just remember, Y/N, if you want even a slight chance for Loki to escape his sacrifice, Sylvie needs to stay alive.”

“Right,” you said quickly, even as you longed to curl your fingers around her skinny throat. “For him. For all of us.”

Sylvie may have been quicker, but Loki’s legs were longer. Thus, keeping up with her was a simple task, even if she was weaving methodically through tiny passageways, leaping down entire stairwells, and cutting through the oddest array of rooms, some of which seemed wholly unnecessary for a time machine (why was there a swimming pool and art gallery down here?).

She knew where to go to head you off, to guard the time vortex from any stones getting within and shipping her off to a place that would only welcome her with an escort to an eternity of existing for others. All her hard work and suffering would be for naught!

Loki wasn’t speaking to her, even as she found the time vortex chamber in minutes. The TARDIS was still shaking intermittently, each time a bit more violent. She was breaking, and soon she would probably fall apart entirely. That would doom everyone to the collapse of reality, and it could not happen.

Sylvie opened the double doors, stepping cautiously inside. Loki slipped through before she slammed them shut.

“If you move more than one step toward that…” she pointed to the center of the room, where a large, closed basin stood, bright white light leaking out from under the stone lid. “…or if I see you take that stone out…” She held her dagger to Loki’s throat, causing him to still his breath as much as possible.

Loki gritted his teeth against the burning sensation against his thigh where he’d quickly stashed the stone before giving chase. He put up his arms and shook his head quietly. “You’ll run me through, I imagine.”

Her eyes never left his face. She wasn’t sure whether to relish his hesitation, or to be on higher guard. Meanwhile, Loki was beginning to observe the room for himself from his position against the doors. 

In addition to the large basin, the room held a cool, dark blue hue, nearly completely made of stone and entirely too ostentatious for its singular purpose, it seemed.

“Don’t let anyone in here,” she commanded.

“You expect me to listen now?” asked Loki.

“You expect me not to use this?” Sylvie replied, the very tip of the blade cutting the skin of Loki’s neck.

Loki swallowed. “If you kill me, what then? Who becomes the one to heal time in my place but you?” He stood up a little straighter as the realization hit her. She took two steps back and brought the blade down to her side without putting it away.

“So…now what?” she asked.

Loki brushed some hair away from his face, coated in sweat. “We go back to the TVA.”

“I said NO!” Sylvie shouted, stomping her foot and turning her back on him. The floor shook with such force that Loki nearly tumbled to the ground.

“Well, then neither of us do it, and everyone and everything dies.” He shrugged once the room was still underfoot. “Including us.”

“Is that worse than sitting at the edge of time being a slave?” she scoffed, beginning to walk a slow lap around the vortex basin. “After all I’ve been through!”

There it was. The words Loki needed to hear to finally put everything about Sylvie together in his mind. After all I’ve been through. No matter what he said, she was lost. It would never be about anyone else no matter what he said.

Still, he had to try. “You’d consider it slavery?”

“What else is it, eternally serving others?”

“I have spent weeks traveling as mortals do across land and sea,” he said. “The first hour after my arrival I was knocked out cold by a drunkard. I have been in TWO prison cells AND a shipwreck, and I paid an inordinately large sum for a tower of fish food. I may not have spent my life running and hiding in apocalypses, but I did spend it among lying fathers, purple conquerors, and with so little to hold on to that for so long I didn’t see a reason to do so.”

He slowly walked deeper into the room, taking in the vastness of it. “Then she happened.”

“That hot-headed human?” Sylvie mocked. “First Mobius, now her?”

Loki smirked in a way that would make Tony Stark proud. “I’m starting to think Midgardians just make better lovers.”

Sylvie rolled her eyes in her trademark scowl. “In the end, they don’t matter. The only one in our lives who never betrays us is ourselves!”

Loki shrugged. “I beg to differ. I happen to think I’ve been the biggest detriment to my own existence for eons. The only reason I’m not dead this minute is because of others.”

Something peculiar changed in Sylvie’s energy, almost like it had reached its zenith and was beginning to fall. “And I understand it’s awful when you feel there’s no one in the world to rely on but yourself, but no one is EVER alone unless they ask to be!”

She was quiet, refusing to look back at him. “I suppose…”

“…you surely must trust me a little.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You have your back to me right now.”

She shot around to find Loki only about five feet away, holding a handkerchief by the gathered corners, a smoking green morsel inside. She widened her stance and brandished her dagger again.

“You can do this, Sylvie. Maybe this is your purpose,” he suggested softly. “It’s how you can prove to the TVA and every one of your transgressors that you—”

“—how simple do you think I am? We’ve spent so much time together! No, it’s not my place. They don’t deserve my protection!” 

Loki felt his eyes go hot as he held back a tear for her. Sylvie, you fear the cosmos too much, as I once did. 

Perhaps if she had a Thor (Thora?) to play with as a child, or was allowed to live on her version of Asgard without the TVA’s interventions, she would’ve learned how to open the gates to her heart. She wouldn’t be such a hardened warrior with no faith in the world. 

I need to get this to the basin over there, he thought, when he senses a presence from behind the double doors. He knew you and The Doctor had arrived. 

Sylvie jumped when you and The Doctor bursted in, Sylvie’s cracked stone in your hand. 

“It’s time, Sylvie,” you said, standing up straight and brandishing the rock between your fingers. “This is all down to you. We can do this without anyone getting hurt, or I can drag you to the TVA by your ankles. Now, what’s it going to be?”

Life Update: I got some life-altering news this weekend. My dad is dying of a fast-acting gastrointestinal cancer, and I'm quite close with him. I have yet to see how this is going to affect my presence here for the next few months, but rest assured whether or not I go away or annoy everyone here to death with my need to distract myself, this fic is finished and the remaining chapters are queued.

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#loki #fanfiction #mcu #mcu loki #loki fanfiction #loki x reader #mcu fanfiction #loki laufeyson #loki/reader #adventure #time travel #crossover fic #mcu crossover #doctor who #doctor who crossover #mcu/doctor who crossover #tenth doctor #time stone #tva #marvel loki #loki series 2 #loki series spoilers #loki season 2 #anti-sylvie #anti-sylki

[moonlight-prose]

HURT

➝ 02. ONLY ONES WHO KNOW

a/n: i am in deep for this man and it's only the second week of his show. not sure how i'll survive the rest of it. what did y'all think of episode 2? so, the story continues and i finally get to delve in a bit deeper on the relationship between these two. something i'm incredibly excited about. look out for some drabbles/interludes coming soon regarding this story. thanks for all the lovely comments on the last chapter. i'm glad you're all enjoying it!

summary: for days you traveled with a man you barely knew. until you finally gain the courage to ask him about the watch on his wrist.

word count: 4.7k+

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: not explicit yet but still 18+, cussing, violence, gore, angst, blood, tw death, gratuitous prose about the apocalypse setting, slow burn, tw food consumption.

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Silence filled the space between you, filling the void of what was never there. You’d been walking together for days, taking paths here and there through unknown streets and abandoned towns. It seemed that when Joel made the offer for you to accompany him, he simply meant he’ll show you the way. He wouldn’t be your friend, your buddy as you walked, hell he would barely even talk, and for a while you accepted that.

You kept yourself busy by looking at the scenery, digging through empty buildings for useful things, and fighting off the odd infected that still remained. For the first three days you told yourself that neither of you would stick around long enough to know the other. Eventually, you’d part ways. Meaning you would be alone once more. So what was the point of learning meaningless information, that would do nothing to help either of your situations

By the fourth day you were slowly losing your mind with just small worded responses, and questions that still hung in the air—frozen against the time that passed. You weren’t sure how long it would take to get to Boston. Shit you weren’t even sure where you were now, having crossed through town after town without ever finding a name or sign. All that would remain of them in your memory was the sight of the decay. Of the buildings slowly losing the remnant of a lifeless humanity that remained—nature overtaking what was rightfully hers.

You’d seen it everywhere. The brutalization of the apocalypse coming to full fruition before your very eyes. With humanity gone, the world could finally heal. You could recall learning about the fall of humanity in school; professors talked about what the world might look like once everyone disappeared. Would the world fall to pieces from the destruction humans caused, or would it adapt?

You never used to see it that way though. Never thought that nature was healing, so much as it was taking over. There was a time where you could remember hating the world—wishing for its ultimate demise. You wanted it all to end. Life, death…time. You didn’t care which one went first, as long as it took you with them.

But now that the years had passed and you’d finally grown up, you could see what you didn’t catch before. You were still alive…somehow. Yet still the pain remained. The grief that you tried so hard to forget about was stored inside your bag, carried around with each trudging step you continued to make in silence. 

Silence had been your only companion for some time now, and you were thoroughly exhausted of its company.

Perhaps that’s why you eventually broke down and asked him the question that made him close himself off.

It was a reaction you never expected to happen. One that left you wracking your mind for what you could have said that made this journey even more uncomfortable.

“Where did you get your watch?”

You had asked him as you ate dinner—or at least a makeshift meal of something he killed. The fire crackled in the night air, creating warmth you hadn’t enjoyed in awhile. Reminding you of late nights in your childhood home. The fireplace emitting the soft warmth that lulled you to sleep on the couch. Before you could stop and think about it, you’d simply asked him—thinking it would start a small conversation.

Only for the question to hang in the air like the deafening silence. Each minute ticked by just a little bit slower because of it. You watched his entire body stiffen, his jaw twitching as he stopped chewing his food, and stared into the fire. The man you thought you knew as Joel, disappeared before your very eyes.

It was an honest question. One that usually created small talk. Except you couldn’t help but think that you’d fucked up in a big way once the words left your mouth. You’d seen him fiddle with the watch before. Tracing his finger along the wristband, touching the broken glass that still remained. You had half a mind to ask why he still wore it if it was broken. But then you realized…if you had something left from your old life—you’d keep it with you too.

Even if it stopped working.

The sun began to dip below the horizon again, bathing the small forest area you were currently traveling through, in darkness. Eventually you’d have to stop for the night, find a place that both of you deemed safe enough, but Joel seemed intent on continuing. The past few days he stopped before the sun began to dip below the trees. However, today he seemed different. Off. You didn’t want to blame your question on his actions that resembled a lost man simply putting one foot in front of the other, but you knew it had to be the cause.

So, you stopped walking. The small hideout was covered with larger rocks, creating a makeshift sitting area. You wondered if people used this before—thinking they could survive in the woods as the cities were torn apart.

It took him a minute to realize the echo of your footsteps didn’t follow his, forcing him to turn. A look remained in his eyes that told you everything you needed to know. He was lost. Though his expression was empty, he couldn’t hide the dazed glint in his eyes.

“We can’t stop here,” he said gruffly, his voice rough from not being used.

You shrugged, dropping your bag to the ground and starting to button up your coat. “You’re exhausted, I’m hungry, and there’s nothing we can do in the dark.”

“I’m not—” he started, his eyebrows pulling together.

“You know how to use a bow and arrow right?”

He watched you dig up the archaic weapon you both found in an abandoned house a day ago. Joel didn’t question why you picked it up, figuring that you knew how to use it. When in reality, you simply grabbed it in case it would come in handy. Weapons weren’t your forte. You barely learned how to shoot a fucking gun the right way. But he looked like he knew enough to use the weapon with ease; hopefully it would assist both of you in hunting down something larger to eat.

“If you didn’t know how to use it, why did you take it?”

Tracing the design on the side of the arrow with your eyes, you stepped away from the small hideout, heading towards the thicket of trees that were ahead of you. “Figured you knew how to use it,” you called over your shoulder. “Thought you might need another weapon.”

He didn’t respond, but he did follow you. The crunch of leaves underneath his boots, reverberating off the trees. If you weren’t careful you would attract something that neither of you would be able to outrun. You knew his bullets were too important to use hunting wise, but arrows could be reused if they stayed intact. Or at least you hoped that’s what would happen.

“We’ll need to go further out,” he said, walking past you and quickly taking the lead, his gun still strapped to his shoulder—his bag back with yours.

Once again, you walked in silence. Conversation didn’t seem to come easy to him you noticed, and rather than push him into talking, you allowed him to start it off. After the question, you knew that stepping where you didn’t belong wasn’t the best choice with Joel. He was reserved. Far more than you. His past would remain a mystery—you were okay with that—but it seemed he didn’t want to share anything other than hunting tips and small words shared over a meal.

He headed towards a small cliff, his eyes scanning the area for animals. Over the years, you’d seen hunters before. Been privy to how they worked, how they killed. They held an animalistic quality to their movements that reminded you too much of the infected. They killed as if they enjoyed it. You had killed yourself, but Joel was different. He moved like a predator, taking in his surroundings with a careful and analytical gaze. You noticed it while walking with him, watched him take note of everything that could be used as a weapon and every place he could hide.

Joel was a survivor, that much remained clear to you. He was dangerous beneath the surface. And you wondered how much he had to endure to get to this point. What had he seen or even done to stay alive as the world crumpled at his feet? You figured you’d never know the truth, and perhaps it was better that way.

What was the point of knowing this man? By the time you reached Boston, you would go your separate ways—following different paths in order to remain alive and somewhat human. You didn’t want to see his humanity, witness his vulnerabilities, because that would make parting so much harder.

What was the point in growing attached when eventually…time would tear you apart in the end anyways?

“You know what you’re doing with that?” he asked, breaking you out of your thoughts. Thankfully he ignored the fact that your gaze was trained on him.

Nodding, you notched the arrow in place, attempting to pull it back and aim well enough to make the shot. “Easy,” you replied, hearing the slight shake in your voice.

Fuck the nerves. You’ve killed before. Taken life from animals and people alike, but never like this. A gun had always been your preferred weapon, due to its easy nature, and you hated that Joel could see that. All you ever had to do before was aim and pull a trigger, but this called for something more. A skill you didn’t have in your arsenal.

He shook his head subtly, standing to his full height as you struggled with the weapon—your arms shaking beneath the strain of keeping the position.

“Relax,” he said, his hand settling on your tense shoulders. “You’ll hurt yourself if you do it this way.”

Huffing, you tried to listen to his words, forcing your body to release the tension that riddled it. “I told you I don’t know how to use this.”

“No, you didn’t.” If you turned your head you would have caught the small hint of a grin forming on his lips. “Lift your elbow more,” he stated, nudging it with his hand and causing a jolt to go through your arm.

“Like this?” Your words were soft as he shifted your movements with his hands that barely touched you.

Something moved in the distance, the rustling of branches telling you where to aim, but Joel was already way ahead of you. His hand slid over yours, helping you adjust your hold until the arrow went steady—pointing directly where it needed to go. The breath you released was shaky; your nerves showing through clearly enough for him to see. You hoped he had the decency to ignore them. To help you take the shot and move on, but his hand clasped over yours tighter, as if to reassure you.

Whatever existed in the air between you, unspoken and forever silent, worked its way through your body. Until the shake in your arms disappeared and your chest felt lighter.

Once again the rustling echoed in the distance, what you guessed to be a wild rabbit coming out to find food for itself. You didn’t give yourself time to wonder anymore, because Joel was nudging your foot forward with his. Pushing you into a stance that released the pressure you felt on your lower back. Taking in a breath, you felt him release his against the back of your neck, causing your hair to stand straight and chills to spread down your spine.

You wanted to lean into him. Feel his warmth a bit longer, but the animal was getting closer—your window closing with each passing second.

“You see it?” he murmured, head nodding in its direction.

“Yeah…I see it.”

Taking in a breath, you felt him guide your arm, the arrow in position, before you let it go. You could have sworn time slowed down as it flew through the air. Its movements, soundless amidst the echo of nature that resounded through the area. With bated breath, you watched it soar until it hit its mark with a thud—the animal collapsing into the brush. Dead.

Laughing, you dropped your arm and half expected him to shift away from you, but he remained. His hand, still clutching onto yours with a gentler touch. Rather than pull away, you allowed him to stand there—his breath brushing along your neck softly every few seconds. Neither of you spoke. Too afraid of breaking whatever this was, of losing the small comfort of his touch.

Eventually you would have to collect the rabbit and things would go back to the semblance of normal that came before. But for now…you weren’t two survivors. You weren’t on the brink of losing to the fear, giving into the idea of a quick death. For those small minutes, you were a woman being touched by a man.

You were human again.

“Good job,” he said, pulling away entirely and allowing the cold air to envelop you again.

You wondered if he felt it. The speed of your heartbeat, the longing that caused an ache to spread throughout your body. Did he long for touch too? Or had he cut himself off from that? You wanted to know the answer, but asking him questions never went well with you. So you stood there, watching him walk down the cliff and towards the animal whose life would sustain yours for just a bit longer.

That was the irony of the apocalypse. No matter how much you tried to escape it, death would remain.

Whether good or bad, it would forever be the only constant in this world.

The fire crackled in the night air. You watched as sparks floated up to the sky before being extinguished by oxygen. The sight made you smile, bringing you back to childhood memories of camping and college nights sitting at bonfires. You remembered fire being contiguous to joy, small moments of peace that came before the pain.

It was pure, a way to end the infection, but also a way to sustain life. So, you relished in it, sitting on ground beside your bag as Joel worked with the rabbit. He claimed that it needed to be cooked and eaten so you could move on—the smell attracting not just infected, but larger animals that might have survived too. You took his word as the truth, assisting him by bringing the fire to life and setting it in a makeshift pit.

“Where’d you learn to do this?” he asked, setting up the rabbit over the flames.

You grinned, pushing a piece of wood in closer. “He speaks,” you joked.

“When he needs to.” He didn’t smile, didn’t offer you anything other than the small retort, but you took it nonetheless.

“My brother. He used to be a Marine.” You pushed around the brush beneath the wood. “He’d always tell me that I needed to know two things. How to defend myself and how to build a fire. Somehow I was always better at building the fire.”

He didn’t comment, didn’t need to. You saw the way he listened to you, his eyes flickering back and forth from the fire before landing back on you. The moon hung low in the sky, the light from it illuminating the area around you, but the fire illuminated him. Casting shadows across his face and deepening the growing lines that were barely beginning to show with his age. You never asked how old he was—didn’t feel the need to—but now as you gazed at him, you wondered.

“I’m sorry about before,” you admitted, tearing your eyes away from him.

“Sorry ‘bout what?”

A crack echoed in the air as the wood snapped in two, falling to the ground and catching onto the brush.

“I shouldn’t have asked about your watch.” Once again he averted his attention elsewhere, turning the rabbit and avoiding your gaze. After a moment, you figured pushing past it was your best option. So you opted for something different. “What’s your name?”

He glanced up, eyebrows furrowing. “You know my name.”

“No, I mean your full name.”

“Hm.” He shifted, stretching his leg out. “Miller’s my last name.”

Your lips pulled up, teeth digging into your bottom lip. “Joel…Miller. It’s nice.”

He huffed slightly, almost a laugh but not quite. “What’s yours?”

“Hm.” You mused, glancing at the fire that ate away at the wood. 

Your full name fell from your lips, foreign sounding to your ears after years of never hearing it. At times you felt like a myth that no one could remember—a forgotten deity with no name to hold as your own. When he repeated it, the sound curling around his tongue and filling your stomach with warmth, you knew you wanted to hear him say it again.

If only to remember who you used to be for a brief moment longer.

He used his knife to tear off pieces of meat, handing it to you quickly before it cooled off. The small gesture reminded you of the people you used to survive with. How they’d make sure everyone got enough to eat, handing off the food with a smile; the kindness in their hearts, extinguished at the first pull of a trigger. You wanted to remember them with the same nostalgia as your old life, but there was nothing to be had there.

“Where’s your brother now?” Joel asked, interrupting your train of memories.

A sour feeling spread through your stomach, your chest tightening with each intake of breath. While normally, you’d forgo answering questions about your past, it seemed only fair this time.

“I don’t know,” you mumbled, digging your teeth into the meat and chewing slowly, savoring its flavor. “I uh…I managed to get out of Boston before they bombed the place. Made it home to see him gone.”

He stayed quiet, giving you room to continue if you wanted to. You should have stopped there, having answered his question with the truth, but after so long of sitting in your grief—it begged you to spill free.

“I had a mom too,” you said, staring at the orange glow of the flames. “I thought I’d find her when I got back. I mean she raised a man to become a Marine so she obviously must have known how to fight.” The breath felt heavy in your lungs, the sting of tears burning your eyes. “She was dead when I got there. Didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye,” you finished bitterly, the memory still burned into your mind.

If you could go back you would in a heartbeat. If only to have a chance to speak to her again, to tell her all the things you left unsaid. The world fell to shit faster than anyone expected—the virus spreading too quickly to give you enough time. So, you remained with what little you could still remember about her—hoping it would be enough in the end.

Joel didn’t respond. He simply stared at his watch, his thumb brushing along the face of it tenderly. You almost didn’t want him to say anything. For the first time in days, you were okay with sitting in silence with him. Content to simply stare at the fire, finish your meal, and go on your way. You knew that if he spoke, if he answered your question, there’d be no going back…for either of you.

“Her name was Sarah,” he said, eyes not meeting yours and body rigid. The words made you freeze, eyes trained on his silhouette that the shadows played along. 

You didn’t ask who she was, what she meant to him, because you knew he wouldn’t tell you either way. He said her name, and answered your question in his own way. It occurred to you that you were the only ones who knew each other's secret weight of grief and that was enough for you. Taking his words with a nod, you continued to eat until you finished off what he gave you; your stomach finally full after so long.

The smell of smoke filled your senses as you fought against the wave of exhaustion that riddled your body. You couldn’t sleep here. Not when the threat of infected remained dangerous in the woods. Although you weren’t sure what the fuck they’d be doing in the middle of nowhere anyways. They couldn’t survive here.

You weren’t sure how much time passed before you decided to lay down, your head propped up on your bag. The floor was uncomfortable; the rocks digging into your spine were the only thing keeping you awake, but you made do.

“What I wouldn’t give for some vodka,” you said, staring at the stars in the sky, trying to catch sight of some familiar constellations.

Joel scoffed, the sound still unfamiliar to your ears. “I’m more of a whiskey man myself.”

“Oh yeah? Where are you from?”

“Texas,” he replied, his southern drawl thicker as if to emphasize his point.

You snorted, staring at the moon. “Should’ve known with the way you can fucking shoot.” 

The fire would die down soon enough, leaving the both of you to freeze. Yet that didn’t stop you from settling further into your position, in an attempt to find a comfortable spot. You missed the bed from a few days ago—how it was so soft beneath your body. So normal after the hell you’d been through. But you knew if you two had stayed there, you’d be left to deal with the consequences that were sure to come.

“Do you think they’ve got alcohol in Boston?” you blurted out, feeling your eyes grow heavy.

He sighed, shifting his movements until his back was pressed up against the boulder. “Don’t know. I hope so.”

“What else do you like Texas?”

“Ha ha,” he drawled, his eyes falling shut. “I used to own a guitar.”

That perked you up a bit. “Don’t tell me you can sing?”

“I can’t sing.”

“Shit,” you whispered. “A girl can dream.”

“What about you Boston?” You could have sworn you heard a smile in his voice.

You smirked. “Ha ha.” Crossing your arms, you did your best to fight sleep, knowing if something happened you needed to be ready to run. “I used to have a record collection my mom started for me as a kid.” He hummed, his eyes still shut. “Nothing you would have listened to since you probably like country music.”

His foot tapped your arm, bringing out a peal of laughter from your chest that was most likely caused by the delirium of your sleeplessness. The last time you got some rest was a few days ago in that house. Even if you wanted to fight against it, you knew you’d pass out regardless—leaving the both of you vulnerable to any attacks. You reasoned that an hour or two wouldn’t hurt and before you could question the feeling in your gut, you were gone.

Falling into the arms of exhaustion that beckoned you closer. Promising a safe haven of a dark void without pain.

“Boston. Wake up.” Someone shaking your shoulders, jolted you awake. Your eyes flew open, hand going to the gun on your side. Only to see Joel crouching over you—the morning sun barely coming up above the trees.

You groaned, head falling back against your bag. “There’s a nicer way of waking people up, you know. A good morning—”

His hand slapped over your mouth, fingers curling around your jaw to snap it shut as he raised a finger to his lips. Fear filled your body, the cold wash of anxiety spreading down your spine as you sat up slowly. His eyes were hard, expression mimicking his emotions. The longer you stared at him, the more you realized that the man you met had returned—the hunter who was ruthless when need be.

Before you could ask him what was going on, you heard it. The familiar chilling screech of an infected. Your body jolted, eyes going wide before you slowly reached for the gun and pulled it into your lap.

Joel nodded, letting go of your jaw before gesturing with his hand to follow him as he crouched behind the rocks. You had half a mind to ask what the fuck one of those things was doing all the way out here, but figured neither of you knew the answer. Both of you were bound to run into another one sooner or later. From the sound of it, you could tell it was a runner.

Probably some poor bastard who was out trying to survive on their own. A flash of sympathy shot through your heart, before you loaded a bullet into the chamber of your gun.

“We need to go around,” he said lowly, his gun at the ready—bow and arrow strapped across his back.

“Can’t we just kill it?”

He shook his head, slowly shifting around the rock. “There might be more than one.”

“Shit.” Exhaling, you nodded at him to move, ready to run if you had to.

Standing to your full height with him, you caught sight of the infected staggering around the forest. They were barely turned, the fungus not even grown out of its body yet. Which meant that they were fast, able to chase if they caught sight of you and Joel. Holding your breath, you crept around the trees with your weapon at the ready—the nerves now prominent in your racing heart.

Neither of you spoke, too afraid of catching its attention, but it was too late. Before you could pull him back, Joel’s boot landed on a stick, snapping it in two. The sound bounced off the trees—a terrifying stillness accompanying it, and for a moment you thought maybe you both got lucky. Maybe it didn’t hear.

Until it screeched, whipping around to see you and him standing there, guns at the ready.

Joel loaded his shotgun, pointing it at the runner, but it launched its body at him, taking him to the ground in a tackle. You heard Joel shout, his arm slamming against the thing’s throat to block a bite. Only you knew that wouldn’t work. Grabbing the fallen gun, you pointed it quickly, took the best aim you could, and pulled the trigger. It went off with a loud bang, blood splattering on the dirty floor. The gun slammed into your shoulder, nearly toppling you over, but you held steady as Joel pushed himself free. His head falling to the forest floor.

While he caught his breath, you surveyed the area for signs of more of them. But the forest remained silent. You must not be far from a city or town for one of those things to find you all the way out here. Thankfully it was only a runner and not something far worse. You’d heard the stories, knew what else resided in the darkness, and hoped that you’d never have to meet it.

“Not bad Boston,” he rasped.

You shrugged. “I had a good teacher,” you said, offering your hand to pull him up. He groaned as he stood, wiping the leaves off his pants. “Hey Joel.”

His eyes met yours—a flash of something you guessed to be concern going through them. “Yeah?”

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

For the first time in days you saw his lips pull up into a smile, his laugh hitting your ears and sending that familiar and welcome heat through your body. 

“Good idea,” he replied, taking the shotgun back.

This time, you took the lead. Heading further into the trees with him following close behind. The sun continued to rise in the distance, morning finally greeting what remained of the world. All the while your brain replayed his laugh, the sound deep and raspy just like his voice, yet…more. You found that you wanted to hear him laugh again. Wanted to know what he sounded like when he was happy, but that you’d probably never get to witness it again.

Maybe in another life, you reasoned to yourself and that thought alone was good enough for you.

For now.

#joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #the last of us fic #the last of us #my writing

[onyx-got-clowned]

notice how everything feels.

uhm, i never really share my writing, but i really liked how this one turned out and i wanna share it-

~~~~~~~ sky and wild bonding because i wanna see them more >:(

—

I’d always been described as cryptic, whether it be by travelers, stable-hands, flora, even my brothers, but i had to admit- they were right. I was never one to sit still, once I’d woken up after my time in the shrine, i’d been drawn more towards nature, the way the grass felt against my feet, the texture of the dirt, the trees lightly scraping my hands as i would climb to see the vast world around me, and the wind carding through my hair as i stood in towers. Even after gaining a handful of memories, i was well aware of the fact that i would’ve been punished for acting so childish- whether by the king or the head commander of the guards. Maybe because i would get dirty and didn’t fit social norms- I would get dirty while rolling in the grass- staining my shirt, shield surfing down mountain sides, howling with the wolves at night, chirping to the birds, cooking some meat for the dogs at stables, and even taste testing every single thing i’d come across. Everything had a sound and texture, some were good, some would make me want to claw my ears and hands off, a gamble truly- but a gamble he was willing to take to find tasty edible things nature had to offer. After joining the chain, no one commented on his strange behaviors, only until he was about to attempt to eat the entirety of a vegetable from the ranchers garden- roots, dirt, and all. They didn’t trust him much after that to be left alone with anything he’d deem edible, sky was the only one curious enough to ask about why he thought that was edible, and they’d talk about it for hours. One specific night on watch in twilights hyrule, wild sat comfortably beside the flickering fire light, occasionally looking around to do his job- watching out for monsters or strangers. Wild carefully laid down flat on his back after the fire had gone to a small dying light source. The moment the flames went out, after about 10 seconds- the night sky was suddenly brighter, stars shined against the black ink that flora had deemed ‘space’ and the moon was a waxing gibbous tonight, so it was especially beautiful. After hylia knows how long, he heard the sound of someone shuffling in their bed roll. He sat up on his elbows, looking around and seeing sky drowsily staring at him, raising an eyebrow as if asking ‘gonna wake me up for watch or no?’ As he sat upright. Wild smiled sheepishly, sitting up now to better watch sky walk over and plop down next to him. 

“You didn’t wake me up for watch”

Sky elbowed him playfully, grinning slightly.

“Sorry, got carried away loving this view”

He gazed upwards, craning his neck to watch different stars twinkle and occasionally a shooting star would follow suit. As he and sky watched the night slowly drift from a cold and comforting silence, to a morning fog of moonlight and sunlight battling for the sky. 

“Well, times gonna throw a fit when he finds out we just stayed up and didn’t wake legend for 3rd watch”

Sky laughed softly, bowing his head in a sad attempt to muffle his laughter in his knees. Wild shrugged, taking in the morning scents of early moon fall and sun rise. The grass had a slight frost of late October, birds starting to stir in their nests, his hands making contact with the frosty grass and would turn his hands light red from the chill, and the fact he was breathing and alive. 

“Do you ever believe that there could be an even higher power than hylia?”

I innocently asked, i knew this could be a touchy subject for sky, but it was a genuine question. He was quiet, but inhaled and exhaled calmly. 

“I’m not sure, i definitely believe there is someone or something at the same power level as her, but i don’t know”

He shrugged mindlessly, not once taking his eyes off the black and pink mixing together to make the view of daybreak. 

“What about a god, goddess, or deity that controls or is associated with nature? I’m sure hylia doesn’t manage the forests, oceans, rivers, and animals on her own..”

I murmured aloud, half speaking to myself and sky.

“Maybe, i wouldn’t doubt it.”

Sky smiled, leaning into wild comfortingly. 

“I’m never going to judge you if you have a different belief than me, we both have very different stories and experiences with hylia, I’d never hate you for expressing your discomfort or disregard of hylia, and i hope you know that”

Sky firmly looked me in the eyes and elbowed my side to truly get his point across- earning a choked laugh from me. 

“I know, i know, thank you sky, I’d also never judge your belief and trust in hylia, I’m well aware she’s your girlfriend.”

I poked sky’s chest accusingly, smiling smugly. 

Sky frowned, but kept his humor in his eyes. 

“These are my favorite bonding moments, just exposed to nature- just us and the spider crawling on your leg”

I smiled widely, after sky heard the last part- he shrieked in horror, looking down and practically flinging himself upward as the little spider was resting on his thigh. Everyone immediately bolted awake and reached for a weapon hearing his screams, but soon realized the false alarm that was sky shuddering and tugging at wilds ear as he chewed him out about doing that to his poor brother. 

Yeah, wild enjoyed these moments. 

———-

I’ll proof read this like weeks later and realize i wrote something wrong 😨

#Linked universe oneshot #Linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu sky #lu wild #wild is definitely just me self projecting in this #Sky as well lol #Lu wild centric #Lu wild and lu sky is an underrated duo 😠 #New tag for this blog? Depending how i feel about this when I’m not sleep deprived #Onyx writes⭐️

[thyandrawrites]

Seeing the panel where the todoroki family is gathered in the hospital and seeing everyone except Natsuo with Enji because it seems like Rei, Fuyumi and Shoto is ready to forgive but there's a panel where Natsuo was far away from them and standing alone because he would never forgive Enji...I just want to say how I admired Natsuo for staying firm and not letting his hatred to let down. That kind of behavior I want but people always tell to forgive the abusers because they are your "parent"blabla

Were you referencing this scene?

I'm not the best at commenting on panel composition, but the choice to draw Natsuo far enough away from the group that his expression is cut off is deliberate enough to be striking. Then there's an entire panel just focused on him, and his gaze is downcast, his expression contrite and conflicted, and there's all that white space around him. He's not looking at his father, and the next panel shows why: he's thinking of his big brother, the one who should be there, and yet is still missing.

I really like that Natsuo's allowed to be angry, to be distrustful, and to be unwilling to forgive. That speaks to me, and I bet it does to so many people. Sometimes, reconciliation isn't the best option, not even when it comes to family. Sometimes especially when it comes to family. And that's okay.

I like that Natsuo's character challenges the idea that lack of forgiveness equals unkindness, because despite his anger, despite his hurt and his grief, he's not unkind. He doesn't want reconciliation for himself, but he recognizes that Fuyumi needs it for herself and makes an effort to support her regardless of his personal feelings. And that makes him so, so kind.

Yet, at the same time I don't really read the scene above as Natsuo being different from the rest of his family, the odd one out that is drawn far away because he just can't let things go. That would frame him as the same scapegoat that Touya used to be, and I don't think the Todofam plot needs to end on a repetition of that cycle, necessarily.

Yes, I hope Natsuo will get to stay angry and not forgive his dad even when Touya comes back eventually, but that blank space right there, next to him...

Honestly that always looked to me like the space naturally filled by one more person. The one notably missing. It makes for neat visual storytelling imho. It's not that Natsuo's the most impacted by that loss, but Natsuo was the closest to Touya, used to room with him, was his confidante when Touya had no one else to turn to, and spoke on Touya's behalf after his disapperance, playing the role—in Touya's absence—of the one continuously reminding Enji that there's more to atonement than playing the hero. That cleaning up your act for your pride isn't the same as doing it to make up for your actions to your victims.

So yeah, I think Natsuo's purposefully drawn slightly off to the side because of this: more than anyone else in the fam, Natsuo still makes space for Touya's memory. He still makes it a point at every turn to honor it by doing right by him, standing up to the things Touya would've stood up for himself if he were there.

"I'm bringing him up because Touya would want us to talk about it. About what it means for us that the world sees his facade of heroism and glorifies him, while we are here, with mom, to see the damage he's done to us to achieve that fame."

Or again,

"Touya would see right through how performative your determination to atone really is. You never really gave a crap about his pain, either. Neglecting us and calling that worry over Touya's health."

Times and times again, Natsuo reminds everyone that Touya might be gone, but his presence isn't. His influence on them wasn't, shouldn't be, as worthless as Touya seemed to believe it was in life, and they ought to respect who he was. And that means not betraying what he would've wanted.

Touya wanted accountability. Natsuo wants it too, for his brother.

I think that's why, when Enji starts ugly crying and the others feel bad for him to varying degrees, he's the only one unaffected by his father's tears. I also reckon that's why he's the one reminding Enji that this truce doesn't mean forgiveness. It's not mean spirited. If anything, I think it shows in full Natsuo's kindness.

Tl:dr; I like to think that Hori drew Natsuo slightly far away not to underline that Natsuo is hellbent on not forgiving, but rather because Natsuo's just... The one consistently acting like Touya is still part of the family unit, still present, still alive, if in memory or in spirit. And he's the one constistenly making room for him, physically and metaphorically, because to him his brother was never truly gone. Let alone now

#Idk this is probably reading too much into it #I'm aware that I have an unpopular read on the todofam on the topic of forgiveness #I for one don't think that any of them is getting ready to forgive e. They're willing to give him a try to correct his actions #But that doesn't mean forgiveness #And yes I'm including Fuyumi there too #So maybe that's why I don't really see natsu as the black sheep so to speak. The stubbornly angry one that won't let bygones be bygones #I don't think any of them is quite that forgiving #Anyway ramble over. I just really love talking about natsuo. I'm sorry for the word vomit #I know anon didn't mean it like that but I just wanted to clarify my stance on this #Since people assume that any ask you publish means you agree 100% with it #Ali replies #My post #Todoroki natsuo #Todofamily #Bnha spoilers

[melishade]

not sure if you were asked this but:

What would happen had the cast of Transformer prime (Autobot, human vs Decepticons) when they were still fighting the war, arrive in the AOT world?

No one has asked me this yet, oddly enough. But the War would just hijack the entire story of AOT and also put everyone in danger because remember: Megatron's still a bad guy, and is still high on space cocaine!

So say there's a battle that's happening. Jack, Miko, and Raf are sneaking around because Miko snuck out of the base and Jack and Raf are trying to drag her back to base. The spacebridge is involved in someway, and Autobots, Decepticons, and kids are zapped to the AOT world. The Autobots and humans get zapped to Paradis while the Decepticons get zapped somewhere off course. I'm gonna make this harder for the Autobots and Paradis and say that the Decepticons still have the Nemesis. However, the spacebridge and groundbridge don't work for the Decepticons due to damage so they have to resort to flying around.

And as the Autobots are trying to figure out where they are, a titan comes an attacks them, specifically Jack, Miko, and Rafael. And Bumblebee quickly shoots it in the head, causing it to disintegrate. Before anyone could question what the hell is going on, another titan, a larger one, comes up to them and runs, and Optimus is prepared to attack, but someone quickly slices off the nape of the neck. The Autobots are stunned to that it's a human, specifically Levi, who's practically flying around in the air with ease. The Autobots are then surrounded by the rest of the Survey Corps and it's an extremely tense stand off. The Survey Corps are prepared to attack, but Optimus quickly raises his hands in surrender and speaks, which is just a WTF moment for the Survey Corps. Because titans don't talk! And Erwin notices the other's hushed whispering. They were all talking. They were all sentient. Erwin could just feel Hanji vibrating with excitement. Erwin then heard one of them whispering about kids, and that's when Erwin notices the three odd humans. Their clothes were different, the girl was vibrating with excitement, but they didn't run from these titans. They stayed right behind the yellow one as protection. Erwin immediately makes a call and tells all of them to stand down, which is just baffling them, but Erwin repeats his order and they agree.

Hanji almost jumps them, but Mike has to restrain her.

Erwin then explains who he and the Survey Corps are to the Autobots, and asks them to come with them to the Walls. He explains that the titans are roaming the area and the humans they have with them will get eaten if they don't go there. The Autobots agree for the time being because they need to get the kids to safety. They transform into their alt mode which scares half of them. Hanji is delighted, Levi is suspicious, and Erwin is literally going through all the motions of how he could get them to stay! They need them!

But as a result, of the encounter, The Survey Corps and the Autobots arrive just a tad bit earlier to Trost while it's under attack, right before Eren starts moving that boulder. They all see the pandemonium, and they immediately get to work. Optimus orders Bumblebee to keep the humans safe and help with evacuation of the injured while the rest of them start eliminating the titans. Erwin is amazed at the confidence and command that Optimus brings to the table. It comes so naturally to him. Meanwhile, everyone else is just watching the Autobots kill the titans like clockwork. It boosts morale and gives a lot of them hope that they will make it out of there alive.

But a few things happen during Trost, Eren is still able to plug the hole. That still happens. As Bumblebee is driving down the road, Jack spots Jean struggling with his 3D gear and tells Bee to open the door. Jean yelped as Jack manages to grab him and pull him in the car before a titan eats him. Jean is now panicking and demanding what the hell is going on, but Miko slaps him and tells him to get a grip you awesome, medieval spiderman! People need you! Jean is confused because why the hell did she slap him, why was her hair pink, and were these guys civilians. Did civilians save his life?! Jean manages to fix his gear in time before jumping out the car and flying off. He doesn't know why he didn't just take the opportunity to run with them. But this time, Marco lives, and he knows about Reiner and Bertholdt. Because as Reiner and Bertholdt are discussing what to do next, Marco does come up right behind them and hears their conversation. Before Marco can speak, making them aware of his presence, the Autobots arrive and just start blasting, distracting all three of them and causing Marco to fall off the roof in surprise. Marco quickly has to get up and start flying, but Reiner and Bertholdt don't notice. Now Marco has information on them, and see the Autobots. He sees how they fight, and their honor and loyalty, and it creates a shift in him.

So as a result of the Autobots interfering, a few thing happen:

-The remaining titans in Trost are wiped out in a matter of hours and the Autobots are asked by the military to come with them. Some are still fearful, and they try to take the kids for their protection (and possible blackmail), but the Autobots are not having it. Nile tries to grab Raf and Jack and Miko suckerpunch him in the face.

Hanji laughs, Mike chuckles, and Levi smiles. They've been wanting to do that for years.

-There's a huge discussion among the Autobots about this situation. Humanity is extinct? The humans weren't safe! What about the Decepticons? They had no base! No groundbridge! They needed to get back to Earth!

-The Courtroom scene definitely played out differently. While Eren's is still inside and he still gets the shit kicked out of him by Levi. The Autobots have to be talked to outside. While the public and a lot of the soldiers on the battlefield support the Autobots, inner walls and the crown don't like it. And there's definitely a lot of arguing and antagonizing from the MPs, merchants, anyone from the inner wall. Optimus has to warn the Autobots to remain calm, but even he's losing his patience. Optimus does explain that if they are not welcomed, then they will leave. They have to return to Earth and continue fighting their war. Megatron being left unchecked is a huge flight risk for Earth and any other planets that might follow. And Erwin immediately speaks up and demands to know about the war, and Optimus explains that their war has been going on for years and been continuing on Earth. They've been trying to protect the humans there in secret. Jack attests to this and says that's all true and the Autobots have saved their world multiple times and the human race. And Miko makes a comment about protecting 7 billion people should be enough to trust the Autobots. And everyone's like "Pause." What the hell are you talking about? And Raf says that humanity isn't extinct on their world. It's thriving. And suddenly there's a change in tune from some of the people in the inner walls.

-The Autobots do end up going to the Survey Corps because of the significant benefits of having them on their side. Erwin immediately asks them about Eren, who is still looking pretty bruised. The Autobots realize that this was the titan that was carrying the boulder earlier. It was a kid?! Miko immediately gushes at the idea of Eren having powers, and it's clear the Autobots have not seen this before. But having a second mind (AKA Ratchet), they're able to figure out more about Eren's abilities.

-Everyone's looking at Miko like she's an anomaly simply because of her hair. Why is it pink?!

-Bumblebee still doesn't have his voicebox, so Raf has to be a translator for him. But for some reason, Levi can pick up bits and pieces of Bumblebee is saying. He doesn't know why, but Bumblebee's fucking happy. (Ackerman genes).

-Jack, Miko, and Raf learn how to use the 3D gear. You can imagine how that goes.

-Levi sees Jack and Miko and immediately thinks of Farlan and Isabel.

-The Autobots think it's nice that they don't really have to be in disguise anymore. And besides, their disguises were pointless because of the time period anyway.

-Hanji is all over the Autobots. It's insane. Arcee ends up grabbing her and passing her to Mike.

-Marco, with the knowledge he now knows, ends up joining the Survey Corps instead of the military police. It's a difficult decision, because it's been his dream to serve the king, but...with what he now knew and witnessed, he needed to do something more. Jean is actually pissed at Marco's decision. The titans gave him more of a justification to run to the MPs. Marco reasons that this is bigger than them, and there is hope. Marco states that he was just being naïve in serving the king and he needed to make a real impact instead of being a blind foot soldier. It makes Jean feel guilty because he witnessed the death and destruction of others and he wanted to run. Also, civilians helped saved his life. Civilians were braver than he was. Jean gives into his fear and ends up taking the cowards way out for now.

-Eren is surprised to find the Autobots and the humans treating him with...civility and respect. Sure, there's suspicion, but they recognized that Eren was a kid with way too much power and a burden on his shoulders.

-When Mikasa meets Miko, it's gonna be a trip for her because it's another Asian woman.

-Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie are in such a huge corner right now.

-There's just a huge difference in knowledge and technology between the Autobots and the Survey Corps.

-Oh and what are the Decepticons doing? About to encounter and destroy Marley as we speak, but that's a story for another day.

There's a lot that I can talk about because of how big the character roster is and that there are multiple factors to consider, like the inner walls trying to get rid of the Autobots, but because they get rid of the titans in record time and help get to Shinganshia they can't. The monarchy does end up getting overthrown. Also people learning about this other world and possibly finding a way to leave the island to go their instead, but I just can't fit it all in this moment. Definitely going to be a separate post. But for now this is what I have.

#asks #send me asks #transformers prime #tfp #tfp optimus #optimus prime #autobots #tfp bumblebee #bumblebee #arcee #attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #eren jaeger #erwin smith #levi ackerman #hanji zoe #jack darby #miko nakadi #rafael esquivel #jean kirschtien #marco bodt #attack on prime #ao3 #fanfic #what if the war continued on aop AKA the War Timeline #maccadam #macadam #can't tag everything lol

[firstkanaphans]

How would you like to write something about Ayan having a nightmare while they are in a relationship BUT this time not only does he dream about Dika but he dreams about Akk too.

Hi!! I love this concept and I’m still bitter we didn’t get it in canon because the pilot trailer hinted that we might. I wrote a whole scene about it in Heart in a Cage, but that’s a 30K fic, so I’ll paste the relevant parts below.

Aye laid down the night before the anniversary of Dika's death not expecting to sleep, but sleep found him anyway. So did dreams.

He was back on a familiar cliff, his hair blowing in the breeze as the sun shimmered off the water below, but instead of his uncle, it was Akk standing before him, preparing to jump.

“Akk!” he screamed, rushing forward to stop him, but no matter how fast he ran, he couldn’t reach him.

Akk turned to look at him, his face unfeeling, and then he stepped into the darkness below.

Aye woke with a start, gasping for breath. Tears pricked his eyes. It took him several seconds to remember where he was. He clicked his bedside lamp on, washing the room in artificial light, and it made him feel better—at least for a few seconds—but then he remembered the dream. Logically, he knew it wasn't real, but every time he closed his eyes, he saw Akk jumping to his death and he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it was. He sat there for almost a full minute, trying to talk himself out of it, but he couldn’t, so he climbed out of bed and stumbled into the hallway. He needed to make sure Akk was alive, that he was breathing, and then he would go back to his own room.

He paused just outside the door, scared to open it. Scared not to. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep without checking, so finally, he pushed the door open.

Akk was awake. He sat up immediately and although Aye was embarrassed to have been caught sneaking into his room when he hadn’t for weeks, he didn’t care. A sense of peace washed over him. Akk was fine.

“Aye?” Akk asked, his voice thick with sleep. He didn’t sound angry at being awoken, just confused.

“Akk.” It felt so good to be able to say his name. He tried to come up with a reason for being there, but there was none. He wasn’t there for kisses. He wasn’t there to talk. But he knew deep down in his heart that he couldn’t leave. If he did, he would wonder all night. He needed to be there with his hand over Akk’s heart to make sure it kept beating. “Can I sleep in here tonight?”

Akk hesitated for only a second before pulling his covers back to offer Aye the other side of the bed. Aye was stunned. Akk had barely spoken to him in days, and yet here he was, agreeing to share his bed as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He didn’t question it. He stepped into the room, shut the door behind him, and crawled beneath the sheets.

“Thank you,” he said, laying down. He wanted to curl into Akk’s side, but just by being there, he was already asking a lot, so he laid flat on his back, keeping at least a foot of space between them, trying not to draw attention to his presence in the hopes that Akk would let him stay.

“Are you okay?” Akk asked.

Aye thought about spilling his guts right there in the dark, but he couldn’t. “I’m fine,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I just had a bad dream.”

He turned to look at Akk, faking a smile, but Akk didn’t seem convinced. Aye wondered whether he should apologize for waking him, whether he should just leave, but then, to his surprise, Akk reached over and pulled him closer. Aye stiffened, unsure what was happening, but Akk just settled him onto his chest and began running a soothing hand down his back as if without Aye even telling him anything, he already knew.

Aye nuzzled into the fabric of his T-shirt and let himself relax. “Thank you,” he said. Akk hummed in acknowledgement. And somehow, miraculously, Aye slept.

#thanks for the request 💕 #the eclipse #the eclipse fanfic #akkayan #akkayan fanfic #asks #sarah writes things

[thecurioustale]

(Re)introducing the Author

I have two main series: a fantasy series called The Curious Tale and a sci-fi series called Galaxy Federal.

For those who are newer here, or wouldn't mind a refresher, here's a little about me and the kind of stories I write:

My name is Josh, pronouns they/he. (I am agender but I don't get upset if you gender me masculine; I do it myself sometimes out of force of habit.) I am 41 years old and live in Washington State not far from Seattle, in the beautiful but troubled United States. I am left-handed, hence my proudest epithet, The Sinistral, and I have been a writer for basically my entire life—even as a kid!

I published my first and so far only novel in 2015, Prelude to After The Hero, which you can currently buy as an e-book or read for free in HTML. Additionally, I have published countless worldbuilding articles and meta-discussions of my fiction over the years (see my previous post about Curious Tale Saturdays), and countless nonfiction essays and personal musings on my personal journal, which in more recent years I have updated much less frequently (but am still active on).

As an author I mostly write stories about "power" and "beauty." I'll have more to say about my specific stories over the next couple days when I do corresponding (re)introduction posts for The Curious Tale and Galaxy Federal, but the bottom line is that I am very interested in human potential, both at the individual and collective levels, and in the beauty of being alive and experiencing "the world," i.e. our material reality and our own headspaces within it. Other topics that interest me and frequently show up in my writing include justice, creation (both the acts and products of creating), civilization, Illumination (what many would call wisdom or "enlightenment"), ambition and desire, animism, and the poignance of the fleeting nature of all things.

I am fascinated by liminality and subliminality; boundaries; vast indoor spaces; megastructures; mysteriousness; "the magical"; surrealism; absurdism; nostalgia; pathos; journeys that do not involve backtracking; and other such things as generally might describe a vast world with hazy horizons lit in twilight. I also strive in my writing (less successfully, I fear) to convey a sense of mystery and wonder.

At the same time, I am also fascinated by human emotionality and subjective experience; personal relationships; the human condition and the human psyche; and narrative life arcs. Some who know me through my nonfiction or by talking to me in person have been surprised to see how passionate and emotional my fiction is.

My writing style tends to be long-winded and self-indulgent; deliberate and precise; esoteric and bespoke. I usually set a slow pace, and seldom indeed will I resort to cheap action or thrills. Most of my fiction is either long-form play-by-play scenes in high resolution, or Tolkienian epic narration far removed from the ground level.

With certain exceptions for key locations, I usually don't reuse a given location in a story; the locations are usually new from scene to scene, and thus there is a lot of environmental description throughout the whole length of my works and not just at the beginning. This creates a certain quality, where everything is always new, that I find engrossing.

In terms of the three most popular conventions, political intrigue, violence, and sex and romance: My writing mostly rejects the treacherous political intrigue genre conventions that are so prevalent in sci-fi and fantasy today, even though "politics" is definitely an integral part of my writing (and I am not shy about sharing my opinions, though I try to do so through specific characters rather than on narratorial authority). When it comes to violence, there is a lot of death and killing and suffering in my work, but I am not a big fan of writing extremely graphic violence and torture, mainly because I don't have the heart to dwell on it in great detail most of the time. (It's very draining for me.) And on the sex side of things, I eschew tacked-on romantic subplots and in general I would say that there's too much damned snogging in our contemporary storytelling, but I definitely do explore and depict matters of love and sex in my work in my own way—though not at a very high frequency, and, I would like to hope, never gratuitously. (Unless the gratuitousness is a tongue-in-cheek joke that we're all in on—which can be said of many other aspects of my writing as well.) I never write explicit, graphic sex scenes, although I do sometimes write sex scenes.

Which reminds me: My stories tend to have a lot of "competency porn" in them; my characters are usually intelligent, thoughtful, and logical. Ignorance and luck are not big plot story drivers for me, generally.

My favored characters tend to be some combination of fat, left-handed, and female; and, of them, my central protagonists additionally tend to be extremely powerful, demigodlike individuals who are able to operate within their respective domains virtually without limitation. In critical respects my characters are only vaguely-defined; I usually avoid character archetype trope reinforcement, so my characters are ideally as internally diverse as real-world humans are...which means you can't actually know them right away. And that opens the door for you to project your own personality ideas onto them. Which...I suppose is a feature?

I have a cinematic mind, and I think my stories are best appreciated with a strong visual imagination. I try not to smother readers with too many unnecessary details, though I confess I am only partially successful at this and often find myself hanging on every word of my lengthy environmental descriptions. I think some of my most satisfied readers are those who enjoy digesting these elaborate visuals as a reward unto itself.

I am a big believer in the idea that obvious story setups should have payoffs, that narrative arcs should eventually be resolved, and that plots and subplots should be be highly interconnected. I am chiefly theme-driven in my writing, as opposed to character-driven or plot-driven, and oftentimes the central purpose of a given scene will be to express one particular idea (or more than one)—either a conceptual idea, or a specific moment in the story. If you read the Prelude and remember Silence's introduction, I wrote that entire scene just to be able to describe the image of Silence in silhouette standing against the evening sky, and her powerful, predator-like movement as she turns around.

Add it all up, and my stories are definitely out of the norm for today's fashions and quite possibly for any fashion in history. They are slow and heavy and long. Their vastness belies their thrilling internal intricacies and shapes. The characters are highly realistic. The plots tend to feel emergent and organic. Or at least I think so. I am very much "writing the stories I want to see."

My stories tend to be incredibly long. Like...just know that going in. There are many sources for "tight," "fast" writing in the world. I am not one of them.

Oh, one more thing: There are various types of representation that are important to me and which I don't see the current state of sci-fi and fantasy storytelling doing a good job of delivering, so I explicitly lean into that, on top of my natural proclivity to write these kinds of characters anyway. So, if you're ever reading a scene and you find that the demographics of the people in it are noticeably unusual for contemporary American fiction, that's why.

More about me as a person: When not writing, I am a fan of sunsets, sunrises, and twilight; clouds and water; saying "Merciful McGillicuddy!" a lot while sighing loudly; solving Wordle; trying mostly in vain to gain weight; and being a curious information sponge.

#The Curious Tale #Galaxy Federal #Silence Terlais #Author Bio #I have no idea if this is actually what people want to know about an author. #When I read author bios in books or on websites they're usually lamentably generic #“Sam likes to go fishing.” #“And owns two dogs and a hamster.” #That's great for you and all Sam but what does it really say?

[sshbpodcast]

Star Trek Parents Just Don’t Understand (Part 2)

By Ames

Last week, you’ll remember we covered a whole lot of parents from the classic Star Trek series and just how much they tended to ruin their kids’ lives. Well, this week A Star to Steer Her By is finishing out the topic with parental units from currently running Trek series and the Kelvin movies. Expect this one to not be nearly as far reaching, partly because SPOILERS WILL ABOUND below the cut and partly because we’ve not covered much of this on the podcast yet, so frankly I don’t remember a good deal of it.

But some of our major players have or are noteworthy parents to talk about in this period of wide-screen Trek (seriously, everything looks like a movie now and it’s impacting my screengrab game). Give your parents a hug for us as you see them listed below and also in probably the most spoilery episode of the podcast we’ve ever recorded (discussion starts at 59:37). They only raised you from tadpoles.

(Again, some mega spoilers for Star Trek 2009, Discovery, Lower Decks, Prodigy, Strange New Worlds, and especially [seriously!] Picard are below.)

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Kelvin George Kirk

George Kirk was a parent to literally newborn James for all of thirty seconds before saving his life, Winona’s life, and the lives of the crewmembers of the USS Kelvin. While we have no idea if he’d have been any good at raising the youngster had he lived (apparently so since this alternate Kirk ended up being quite the ruffian compared to that walking stack of books from The Original Series), we know what he valued by his actions, his sacrifice, and his refusal to name him Tiberius.

Kelvin Sarek

In pretty much all timelines, Sarek is a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to raising a half-Vulcan, half-human son like Spock. Why he can’t get it through that Vulcan bowlcut of his that having a child with a human will dilute that cherished green blood of theirs is absolutely beyond me. I thought you hobgoblins were supposed to be logical, after all. Maybe if Amanda hadn’t blown up, things would have gone better for Quinto-Spock.

Discovery Sarek

Speaking of Sarek, in Discovery we actually see that he very much seems to prefer raising his ward Michael Burnham to raising either of his natural sons. Go figure. Apparently all his progenies had to do was follow in his footsteps, join the Vulcan Academy, and literally have a chunk of his katra from a past mindmerge-thing for daddy to love them.

Gabrielle Burnham

Michael’s relationship with her birth parents is something much more complicated. This is Discovery, after all; “It’s complicated” is the subtitle of the series! When we learn that Gabrielle is still alive, having saved Michael by becoming the Red Angel, it’s a bittersweet reunion that can only be made stranger by their second reunion in the 32nd century when momma has become a space nun of some kind. As if Michael didn’t have enough of this Vulcan stuff growing up!

Voq and L’Rell

On the subject of space nuns, we learn that Voq and L’Rell’s child Tenavik got to be raised by some time monks in the Boreth Monastery. Which, frankly, is probably the best that kid could ask for! The combative Klingon Empire was no place to raise a baby, and good on his parents for finding a child-rearing solution that, at the very least, kept him alive. Ya know, after just a little bit of faking his death. Q'apla, I guess!

Stamets and Culber

What is sweeter and purer than two gay space dads mentoring a nonbinary sorta-Trill sorta-not adolescent? I didn’t realize that Adira is supposed to be 16 when we meet them (probably because the actor was like 23), but regardless of age, they are struggling with their identity in enough ways to make a Vulcan weep, and having the support of a nurturing queer family is just what they need.

Ephaim

An easy example of a good parent from the Discovery era comes in one of the Short Treks, “Ephaim and DOT.” Sure, she’s a tardigrade and mostly just following that biological impulse to keep one’s seed alive, but she does better than a lot of other Trek parents. Go, tardigrades, go!

Raffi Musiker

Moving on to Star Trek: Picard, we see another negligent parent in the conspiracy theory–obsessed Raffi Musiker. She might rival Worf as a parent whose absence has screwed up their kid the most, as we see that Gabriel is downright hostile to her when she tries to reconnect. And then in season 3, she yet again chooses Starfleet over her family. Perhaps we’re lucky we haven’t seen Alexander in Picard, since he and Gabriel could have some stories to tell.

Troi and Riker

Say what you will about the Troi-Riker relationship, but they seem to be doing pretty okay raising their daughter Kestra. She’s a nifty kid with her head on straight, so they must be doing something right. Also, it’s very clear throughout their appearances in Picard that these parents did everything they could to save their son Thaddeus from his mendaxic neurosclerosis, and his loss affected them in the way only losing a beloved child could.

Maurice and Yvette Picard

We were teased a bit in TNG with just enough information about Jean-Luc’s upbringing to let us know his relationship with his father was strained and that with his mother was loving, but then the second season of Picard had to go spelling things out for us in ways we didn’t really need. Maurice becomes that much more terrible because he evidently did nothing when Yvette was going down a dark path. And Yvette… what the hell were the writers trying to say about Yvette? Freakin’ yikes. 

Adam Soong

Also in season two of Picard, we get YET ANOTHER Soong ancestor for Brent Spiner to play, ya know, for reasons. Evidently all the Soongs except Data (see last week’s inclusion!) are just terrible parents because they’re effectively just trying to prolong their own legacy instead of actually caring for the needs and wants of the child. Kore, in this case, lives a life so sheltered she can’t even go outside without bursting into flames. Much like that whole damn season…

Teresa Ramirez

We do, however, get one solid parent in season two of Picard, and that’s Teresa Ramirez, the divorced mother who Rios is totally thirsty for. Actually, we don’t see a lot of children of divorce in Star Trek, do we? As we established last week, it’s far more likely to have one parent get killed off than it is to have people amicably separate because, of course, that makes for more drama. There’s Torres’s parents, and Rom and Prinadora but that’s just their Ferengi contract, and that might just be about it? Anyway, Teresa’s cool.

Jean-Luc Picard and Bev Crusher

Season three, however, is just a straight up family reunion show with lots more literal family members that get introduced to boot! Somewhere after Nemesis, evidently Bev and JL got down to clown and then Bev ran away and hid the pregnancy from him for however many years this boy is old. Sure, we all agree Picard would make a father that might rival Worf’s awkward sense of child neglect, but is Bev any better never telling him? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Geordi La Forge

Geordi’s been busy too, cranking out at least two daughters. Like Sarek’s relationship with his various kids, it seems much easier for Geordi to play favorites. Alandra is the favored daughter because she followed in his footsteps and seems like she was generally passive, while Sidney is the black sheep of the family and La Forge has trouble connecting with her because she can’t just be controlled like certain holoprograms I could name.

Carol Freeman

Let’s get out of Picard and into some animated stuff. The relationship between Captain Freeman and her daughter Beckett Mariner is at the core of Lower Decks, so much so that it’s kept secret from the rest of the crew for the drama of it all. Most of the show treats their relationship like ones we’ve seen before in which the child lashes out because they don’t want to follow in their parent’s footsteps. There is love there, but their failure to communicate does dominate.

The Diviner

In our other animated Trek, The Diviner definitely falls into that category of just the worst kind of parent because he will sacrifice Gwyn a hundred times over to get his way. He never listens to what she wants, chooses the Protostar over her, and leaves her to nearly get killed on vine planet. All this and the only reason he created her in the first place was to continue his work. Rude, bro.

Joseph M’Benga

Finally, we have Dr. M’Benga in Strange New Worlds, whose dedication to caring for his sick daughter Rukiya is admirable and incredibly sweet. Every time he reads fairy tales to her in sickbay is a beautiful little scene, and the end of “The Elysian Kingdom” is a tear jerker that we were honestly surprised to get so early in the run of the show. I kinda hope we see more from Rukiya in future, but who knows what’s written in these fantastical pages?

— We’re ducking out from this family reunion before someone whips out the photo album. Catch us next time for more, and definitely keep listening to our watchthrough of Voyager over on SoundCloud or wherever you get podcasts. You can also post family in-jokes on our Facebook and Twitter, and would it hurt to call once in a while?

#star trek #star trek podcast #podcast #parents #star trek 2009 #discovery #picard #lower decks #prodigy #strange new worlds #george kirk #sarek #gabrielle burnham #voq #l'rell #stamets #culber #ephaim #raffi #deanna troi #will riker #maurice picard #adam soong #teresa ramirez #jean-luc picard #beverly crusher #geordi la forge #carol freeman #the diviner #m'benga

[system-of-a-feather]

I think I'm starting to get it a bit - where I fall into the system.

Riku can survive and flourish in the worst of situations, they're unbelievably resilient and stupendously optimistic and a source of hope, faith, and direction. They're invulnerable - even if you destroy them, functionably, the system will always step in and have a number of smaller parts we don't share on her to reinstate that invulnerable resilience and optimism. It's a priority. You can't take Riku off their feet.

XIV can dominate and breakdown the hells to operate in his name and get him what he needs and wants. He doesn't loose because loosing is fundamentally a concept he can't comprehend. If he would die before he looses and he has such an instinctually strong survival instinct. As long as he is alive, he will break down anything in the way of his vision. He is invulnerable - if he wants something there is nothing you can do to get in his way. If you do, if you manage to 'beat him' he will split and eat that shit back up as soon as he sees that he lost a match. He'll come back 10x stronger and take the win right bakc up. You can't declaw and defang XIV.

They're invulnerable parts - whether they like it or not - their nature as parts are functionally made to be invulnerable

And that is where you get a huge issue with our system. While it is pervasive in all parts, our system is structured around two parts heavily dissociated and functionably so cut off from being genuinely and wholely vulnerable. Even when they are, it is "but a stage in the journey" or only internally to one another.

I'm not smart enough, aggressive enough, or have enough piss and vinegar to do what XIV does - besides, I wouldn't need to. XIV is right there,

I'm just too much of an upset, hurt, and angry part to do what Riku does, I'm a negative nancy simple as that. I obviously can't be Riku, that's a given. (and also I don't think anyone in this system other than Riku can be Riku)

The thing that both of them don't have though that I think I could do with some reflection is that I can be vulnerable. I'm not this amazing or ridiculously specialized part. I'm split as what a very hurt, self hating, and exhausted part thought was the "monster" they were stuck being and I think its a ridiculous thing in hindsight, because I'm REALLY not a monster at all.

But my existence is founded on hurt, self loathing, fatigue, exhaustion, and weakness. I operate in a similar way to XIV as Data tried to cope with his shit by borrowing from those around him and instinctually, I want to hate everything around me that breathes. I want to hate everything that has played into the situation Data!old had gotten themselves trapped in before splitting. I want to avoid everything and isolate because everything is a disappointment to me.

I have no reason to be nice and open to the world. I come from garbage and hurt, I don't owe it to anything or anyone - but thats the thing. I think Data!old deserved a lot better. I think Data!old deserves better. I could sit comfortably by and live in the shit ending I was split off and be comfortable saying I am done, but that would be me accepting that Data got fucked over by the world.

This brain and my trauma and my symptoms tell me to not talk to anyone, don't give anyone expectations you are anything more than who you are - if you are nice, theyll expect you to be nice and theyll punish you when you are normal. I should stick to myself and everyone else is a waste of time and space and get in the way.

But that's how we got here, and if there is anything I got from splitting from Data!old, it is the ability to talk about things without getting shut down. I was given the gift to be able to do the exact opposite of what I'm 'supposed' to do. I was given the ability to CHOOSE to engage in the world against what my history has told me.

I know vulnerability, I know weakness, I know hurt, I know self hate, I know pain. All of that is the root of why I am instinctually misanthropic - people have hurt us a lot, and it has gone unacknowledged because we are run by two massive beasts of invulnerability.

No one has given that hurt a voice and I think thats where I come in. I am prone to anger and aggression, I am prone to envy and jealousy and wanting to get revenge - but I'm not XIV, I'd rather just have peace by myself and disengage than to actually express that. I don't have that drive for chaos and crisis, I already have enough. I'm not interested. I don't have that high energy / activation energy and that is actually my strength in relation to XIV. It's very easy for me to just deal with those lower valence negative emotions without it getting converted to anger / aggression or without me getting consumed by or anger / aggression.

I can look at my anger, and acknowledge it, and make a choice. Usually I leave, I remove the body from stimuli and isolate away from people, but an alternative choice I could make is to take that and give in a microphone.

There is no point is pulling XIV and Riku into learning vulnerability directly; not only is that an uphill battle but it might shatter some of their strength.

I think I am here to be vulnerable by choice - a conscious and consenting CHOICE to give people the chance to hear our hurt, our vulnerability, and to respond. Talking is a gift, an active decision, to those close to me, and should they abuse that gift and trust, then they will simply get me back to my root - ignored and cut off from us.

XIV taught the system that there is no evil part - that all parts deserve a space regardless of how they are and that we have to radically accept all parts. He taught us radical acceptance and internal vulnerability.

I guess what I have to do is teach that being vulnerable doesn't inherently have to mean being at the whim of another person - you can simultaneously hold a sense of control and hold boundaries while ALSO acknowledging that needs and wounds are present.

#alter: chunn #system dynamics #healing #recovery #vulnerability #I've been stuck up here all day #either blurred with riku or co-con its a pain

[lotus-mirage]

Trigun Stampede episode 4 liveblog!

I had a bit of a double take at “plant-based meat”.  Come to think of it, are there any actual plants on this planet? Or are they talking about eating the irreplaceable technology that sustains them...?

Welp, there’s Wolfwood.  Wearing that big old gun cross.  Thing.

lmao that’s not a very dignified first look at the guy

Interesting that there’s only seven cities when they seem to be named after calendar months.

Actually huh. I wonder how big this world is anyway.  It feels like it should be pretty small, especially with the number of cities, but I have no idea how big those cities could be.

Those are worms?????

Also another kinda bacteria-looking thing after the bombs, huh.

NEVERMIND WHAT I SAID ABOUT THAT BEING AN UNDIGNIFIED FIRST LOOK. guy just went flying :0c

and now he’s just flopping around in the backseat.  fantastic. no notes.

Plant... outpost? wonder what this is.

Wait Wolfwood is like. actually religious? I kinda thought it was just symbolism.  I can’t believe he’s actually religious and lugging around a big cross on his back.  I can’t tell if that’s delusions of self-importance or just... dweebery.

...drinking from what may or may not be holy water.  My guy. I understand resources are low.

Oh it keeps going.

...I do not believe this man is ordained.

Okay “undertaker”... may check out more?? I have no idea what they might be expected to know in a historical or modern day setting, let alone space-fantasy. I wouldn’t expect them to have access to holy water though?

Actually wait I need to google the difference between undertaker and gravedigger.

Nevermind, they probably do! Alright then. 

okay all that aside - what is happening with the background music here??? It’s unexpectedly unsettling, kind of.

Okay I switched audio languages briefly to see if the additional religious allusions in like every line from Wolfwood was also reflected in the Eng dub (even more blatant actually) and got hit with “You did get hit by big-ass truck, after all,” which was unexpected enough to make me stop and laugh out loud.

Speaking of which I was kind of expecting them to gloss over that given the cartoony nature of that whole sequence, but huh.

ah jeez what now

...we’re going Dune now?? Alright, okay.

the bug things are also Worms?

“detached electrons” I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. That sounds like it’d cause chemical reactions, which doesn’t look to be the case?

“tool of the trade” as a gun or as a reusable grave marker?

oookay eating the weird glowy bug alive and raw. I mean I guess if they’re Worms, we know they’re edible like that, but uh.  yikes.

assassins that control Worms, huh. that sounds like a lost technology thing, presumably

“I can see it in his eyes” yeah yeah okay lay it on a little thicker oh my god

Roberto vanished while they were having a moment! I’m honestly sure if that was an intentional comedy moment lol

okay my prediction is either another bug or a more worm-looking Worm

there is also like barely any liquid, there is no way digestion is happening that fast

OH LMAO is that what’s been happening!? They’ve just been getting launched??

Okay nvm that doesn’t make much sense and also they’d be less likely to survive it than these two I guess

Ooh I really want to see the Worm’s whole design

I guess that makes sense that is an incredibly acrobatic child.

okay yeah that looks like it’d cause rapid digestion

oh yuck the floor

the cross gun has a fucking skull on it. I don’t have words.

it’s a machine gun

oooh that is a really cool creature design!

so like.  is the kid also a Worm or do they just have some sort of power/technological control over them?

it’s a machine gun that also shoots lazers

it also decently high-tech, but still not entirely sure where it falls in terms of technology type

side note, the consistent mild back-and-forth between Meryl and Wolfwood is great

and now the thing about deserving to eat is linked back to the deserving to cry thing from last episode. great. fantastic. ow.

come to think of it, why are they still travelling with Vash?  just cause they got lumped with him after the last episode, or after more info...?

okay I honestly expected the kid and Wolfwood to actually be two different factions. It makes sense but now I want to know if there are more groups out there.

hold up. narration??

okay. red glowing tubes with characters I can’t read.  that’s not an aesthetic that we’ve seen in this show yet I think?

“the gate that allows access to the higher dimension.” the WHAT

I guess this has to be the ‘Gate’ Knives mentioned last episode, but also higher dimension, what

“his morality and ethics are acting as a defensive measure” ???

oh wait no it is Knives’ group. huh.

those look like plants in the background, but all of them are red.  was it the blue one that was having trouble, then? I assumed blue = alive and red = dead, but that may not be the case.  they’re also markedly smaller than the ones in the town.

“more human than anyone” uhhhhhh not sure I agree with that on principle, but I get what they’re saying. sure, I guess.

lmao wolverine claws

End notes:

Hmm, not sure where to start! First off, I think pacing/tonal issues were more or less entirely absent from this episode! nice.

I think that’s our entire party assembled, aside from Millie, who as I understand it is less of a key figure in TriStamp so far, but not so in other versions?? Anyway.  Nice!  I think they did a good job of establishing the dynamics between the different characters.

I guess the main thing to really speculate on is the Gate thing.  So far seems like simultaneously a physiological thing and a psychological thing. He’s had it for a while, but can’t control it (isn’t aware of it?), but it’s a way to access a higher dimension, but it’s also affected by his state of mind.

Not much by way of explaining the key antagonists or their goals, other than now we have... I guess half a goal? Maybe a step in the process.

Step 1: Collect Plants

Step 2: Utilize Vash’s Gate, allowing access to a higher dimension

Step 3: ???

Step 4: Profit      

#my thoughts #trigun #tristamp liveblog

[badlydrawnmanic]

for those of you who were asking about the scourge playlist when i was talking about his voice, here it is

7/25 songs are from natewantstobattle so it's no wonder i inadvertently picked his performance as damien to be the voice claim

i really need to redo that text on the playlist cover...

explanation under the cut i guess?

1: now's your chance honestly not sure about this one? i think the vibe i was going for was that, when he met sonic for the first time, something sort of clicked in him, or... snapped, rather. it's a realization of some sort. realization of what? i dunno. that's above my pay grade.

2-7: don't threaten me with a good time emperor's new clothes pit of vipers phantom branded mean green mother from outer space this section's more so just about his descent into being a complete and utter shithead. these songs are mostly about vibes and he thinks he's the coolest motherfucker alive. he's still on the upswing, but that isn't necessarily a good thing

8-9: brand new day it's tough to be a god this is probably his highest point? his whole king of the world shtick is at its strongest here. he's kicking ass and taking names and thinks he's invincible. little does he know that he absolutely is not that

10-12: this is love sarcasm war! you know how he's been betrayed by not one but two of the gangs he brought together, pissing them off to the point they tried to kill him? yeah. this is that resentment. it's probably targeted mostly at romantic partners like fiona and alicia, but still. mad

13: big shot this is mostly a transition song. the frantic nature of it feels like it makes it clear that things are falling apart around him, and stuff's gonna get bad real quick despite him hyping himself up as some kind of larger than life, unstoppable villain. he's bitten off more than he can chew and it's about to give him a rude awakening

14: discord another segment with just one song - i forget if i've dumped this plot point on this blog before, but i want it to be a surprise. long story short, he's lost, can't go home, everything that was familiar to him is now gone, and he's had this sort of revelation that bigger things are happening. he's just along for the ride

15: other friends during his desperate jumps between universes, i imagine he ran into another sonic at some point by sheer coincidence. all that stress he's built up during this is coming out right now. he feels abandoned and scared and all he knows how to do is hurt people, so he fights this random sonic for no reason and probably gets his ass kicked despite his vicious facade

16-18: ruler of everything drift away god syndrome not quite a descent into madness, but it's close enough. he's been alone with his thoughts with nothing to pour his frustration into. he's realizing just how small he is and how far he's fallen, wishing he just stayed home and faced the same whatever his "friends" fell victim to, but it's too late. not only is his survival instinct too strong, he's simply too stubborn to quit. he's made it this far

19: the guide to success sort of an inner monologue? this one's another vibes one. i sort of imagined him talking to his younger self during this. it's sort of a was it worth it? thing. he feels regret. he knows what he's done is wrong, but he refuses to admit it, retreating into the shell he's built up over the years

20: freeze your brain over the course of his adventures, i imagine he finds himself in yet another universe. the cinematic i had in my head was that he runs into an amy who, seeing a stranger who looks vaguely like sonic and is clearly distressed, asks him if he's okay. cue the sad boy trauma dumping. the 7/11 employee in the background is not very happy (and scourge probably keeps refilling his cup without paying for it)

21: look who's inside again more self criticism. wondering where he went wrong. reminiscing about his childhood, wondering who he really is. all that jazz

22: bury a friend this is where he meets manic. he doesn't understand his kindness. he's low-key paranoid that he's gonna be stabbed in the back again, but the time never comes. despite his abrasiveness, his tough guy persona, his general standoffishness, his disregard for this random dude who let him in his house, offering nothing in return, manic continues to tolerate him, just being kind. this is something scourge can't wrap his head around and it's filling him with this frustration and guilt he wants to take out on him, but he just can't bring himself to. he's grown soft, whether he likes it or not, and it makes him feel weak

23: the wrecked and the worried scourge has tried to leave before. multiple times. he just can't bring himself to go, and every time he disappears, it's for longer and longer periods because he feels so conflicted about it. manic shows genuine concern for him. hanging out with this guy is the safest scourge has felt in a long time, and he isn't sure how to deal with that. there's a certain guilt to it, feeling like him existing there is putting manic in danger because of the zone cops on his tail, but he just can't leave

24-25: creep i'd rather be me with you (caleb hyles) scourge feels like a piece of shit who doesn't deserve to be cared about by someone else, but manic continues to treat him with that unwavering kindness and understanding he always did. scourge sees him as a friend now, but is afraid of getting hurt again, and is low-key afraid of hurting manic. he's afraid he'll blow up in his face or cause some shit that ends up reverberating back to this fucking nerd. that he'll inadvertently do something so bad, it makes manic lose his patience and finally cut him off. it's his nature to be a terrible person, right...?

he doesn't understand how he could be cared about so much by someone, or how he could care about someone else in the same way. it's hard to love and be loved, even platonically, when you haven't been loved before

if he could break down his cracking walls... if he could be his true self, maybe he wouldn't feel like such a burden

if he could be his true self, maybe he'd learn how to love and be loved in a genuine, authentic way, just like manic does

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic #sth #scourge the hedgehog #please read the explanation #i worked so hard on it #yes i know the end comes across as purely romantic but please read the explanation #there aren't a lot of songs that seem to describe a deep ache when looking at someone else without romantic connotations #this is all i've got #Spotify #manic's personal projects

[ditzydreamsss]

i weep and say goodnight, love

hey guys what if skeppy is a never-aging immortal diamond muffinhead with a ridiculously good memory and badboyhalo is a lonely human who's abandoned by everyone he meets became he gets random visions of the future and has star freckles and kinda freaky because he turns into a demon when angy. and gay. (bruh homophobes)

This is gonna be set in a post-apocalyptic world so. kinda funky.

(title from: as the world caves in)

A thousand and fourteen years ago, Skeppy decided to send a message in a bottle. A thousand and fourteen years later, a human picks up the letter and decides to contact the stranger.

The world of Mute is a post-apocalyptic world, after the end of the world. Hybrids, who were once hunted and killed for, now rules the world.

If you are a human, you are now dead.

The apocalypse started a single pebble. The pebble tore through the World's atmosphere and into the ground, until it met the void. The little disturbance caused the void to expand and consume half of the world. Only hybrids were able to adjust to the sudden heatwaves that shook the world along with the waves and waves of natural disasters.

Except. A single human(?) was able to survive the shock.

That human is Bad.

He doesn't remember the start of the apocalypse. One second, the world was bright and colorful. The next, his mother's arm was in his hands, the body ebbing away by the void and leaving only blood behind. He saw his father's skull in front of him. The world was painted in red.

Bad is about to jump into the dark, black ocean (eventually leading to the void) when he gets slapped on the face with a message in a bottle (yes, the bottle flew).

A few days later, he decides the read the letter that prevented his end.

With his somehow working phone, he decides to contact the stranger. Why?

Um. Plot purposes.

Before we put those two together, I'll talk about what happened on Skeppy's side.

Skeppy's seen everything. He's seen the start and the end of the world.

He also knows a bunch of random things about everything. He's not a mind reader. He just knows. Like how he knows that Bad would pick up his letter and Skeppy would save his life. But there's bits that he doesn't know at all too. Like how they would fall in love together.

And maybe Skeppy knows that he was indirectly the cause of the entire apocalypse when he threw a pebble into the deeper parts of the cave he was in and that somehow wiggled through all known laws of physics and made it to the center of the world.

Maybe Skeppy tried killing himself multiple times to all end in failure.

Maybe Skeppy's diamond glow is dim and he's angry all the time. Lost hope for himself and the world. Afraid that he'd be there when the world becomes barren lands and when the sun explodes and he'd be floating in space for all eternity, alone with his thoughts.

You know, happy thoughts.

So he really doesn't expect much from Bad. And he's really trying not to get attached.

Bad gives Skeppy hope. Some joy in this messed up world.

(What if there's like these void creatures that float around looking kind of like spirits and take over/control peeps to violence. They come out of the void. Their goal is to kill as many alive organisms as possible.)

#skeppy #badboyhalo #skephalo #i forgot i wrote this instead of homework #im avoiding homework again

[nutcasewithaknife]

We talk a lot about Wei Wuxian's mad scientist tendencies, but opinions on Wen Qing's? She's no less mad than the others *cough* *cough* golden core *cough*

WELL. YES!

Look. There's a difference between Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing, and I think it comes from having different kinds of Responsibilities and Priorities. A lot of it is just circumstances, really?

We end up thinking that way more often about Wei Wuxian because his genius is more obvious in the story, and immediately seems more plot relevant. Like. Invented the whole new path of Demonic Cultivation (in a matter of months while barely alive) in the book titled Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation!! The talismans and evil detecting compass and lure flags! His cave-rattling experiments in the Burial Mounds! Saved Wen Ning from dying all the way!! It's the classic mad scientist. Defying the norms, insanely genius once-in-a-century intellect, utter and absolute chaos (of both the mischievous and the darker sort).

Wen Qing, though. She doesn't have the space to be any of this in the story. She works under a tyrant to protect her brother, her people. Then they're thrown into a war and its horrible, she's helpless in a way she never was before, but she's still the 'responsible' one. She's working the farm, she'd looking after A-Yuan, making sure Wei Wuxian doesn't starve or bleed to death. Makes it extremely easy to forget that she actually managed to execute (and, by mdzs canon, even come up with) an insanely complex surgery that was nearly as taboo and just as pioneering as any mad scientist gets! The best doctor of her generation!! Not to mention that she was also healing Wen Ruohan for extensive use of demonic resentment, which is probably something she had to learn herself, given how big a no-no using resentment is. And she's just as young as Wei Wuxian is while doing all of this!!!

Both have pioneered techniques in order to survive life-and-death situations (wwx to stay breathing and wq to stay useful and save herself and her family). But outside that? Wei Wuxian, even when his life is falling apart, can give himself the freedom to invent, experiment, fuck around and find out to some extent. Wen Qing cannot! It's in her nature, in some sense, to not do anything that might harm those she is charged with protecting. I bet she thinks of high-risk, mad-scientist shit all the time, but will she be as willing as wwx is to test it out? She had to be convinced real hard to do the golden core transfer. She helped Wen Rouhan only because there was no other choice.

So I'd say they're both equally mad scientist at heart. The point of difference that makes one less obviously so is that she's not as chaotic in executing her insane-genius ideas as he is. She has to be a leader more than a mad scientist. In a world with lower stakes and fewer keep-my-people-alive problems where she can afford a controlled laboratory environment, we would probably have gotten to see her blow up some insane shit too :')

#wen qing #wei wuxian #the untamed #cql #mdzs #meta #wq #wwx #mad scientist besties #asks #istgidek1234 #im telling u in her ideal world she is not a leader she IS the crazy scientist #probably with a very competent and adoring husband who looks after the sect for both of them :))) #*cough* chengqing *cough*