#he checks it bc that’s how he knows his kids are even alive lmao

[svtskneecaps]

my personal pipe dream is that one monday the egg statistics drop and flippa (and maybe tilin) are just there. at the end. with one heart, and one gray checkmark.

what i imagine is the server flips their shit. alive!!! alive!!! but they log in and they don't see the eggs. instead they get a message. i do not care who it's from or how it's delivered. they're told the eggs are being held captive somewhere, but they're alive. all that's left is to find them, before sunday at midnight pst. bc if their tasks aren't done, they die (one checkmark, one quest set. once rescued they become triple check like the other eggs)

slimeriana come CRASHING back into the server, they don't know jack shit, ESPECIALLY mariana who doesn't recognize 90% of the island anymore but holy fuck, flippa is alive somewhere and they have to find her. and maybe mariana's still in the old server days mindset of raising his kid alone but slime's slowly been indoctrinated into "it takes a village" and honestly the absolute second mariana logs on, someone's gonna be in chat already like HEY MARIANA CAN I TALK TO YOU? be it baghera or cellbit or forever or bad or I DON'T KNOW, COULD GENUINELY BE ANYONE LMAO but like mystery and eggs in danger is chumming the water for this server

which is great bc A) mariana has a concrete goal for logging into the server (finding his daughter) and B) he would be interacting with the rest of the server along the way, because he's not going to be doing this alone (he wouldn't even be allowed lmfao the rest of the server would be at his doorstep asking to help him in like 15 seconds flat) which means C) he might get reasons to log in extending outside flippa and slime. bingooooo

i call this a pipe dream bc i can poke so many holes in this even rn (does cc!mariana want flippa back, like fr? i'm not up to date) but can you IMAGINE. LIKE DAMN. i'm putting this idea into the public domain fr go nuts with it.

#qsmp #would not mind if that means the revival is a slow burn #(bc of admin team having to prep the mystery and/or adventure) #that would just be a bonus tbh bc it means that the admins would be given more time to fit it into their plans #bc i imagine the story would be harder to alter for the immediate future #but their plans down the line might be more malleable and thus could fit the potentially weeklong mystery into them #this is my pipe dream though i have worms in my brain and they've been screaming flippa since the bug was discovered #i'm not gonna cry in a gutter if it doesn't happen lmfao #qsmp juanaflippa #qsmp elmariana #shut up vic #block game brainrot #submitting this for peer review maybe if i'm lucky the admins will club penguin it #(read: take and run with the idea and pretend that was their plan all along) #either that or a really talented fic author will write and post like three chapters i'll accept that too #✨ ​this idea is now public domain go hogwild my loves ✨

[hanarchy]

Hi friends, I illegally logged into tumblr on my work computer on the first working day of 2023 specifically to make this post properly. I don't have a good computer and I simply could not do this on my phone.

Ok, Time to get emo :)

I discovered SKZ at the end of last year, I personally date my anniversary to somewhere between December 29th 2021 and January 2nd 2022. It's a good thing too because I get overemotional at the end of the year anyway and now I can just schedule all my gratitude and emo times at the same time.

I want to start from the beginning bc the only reason 2022 was a good year for me was this discovery. this is a bit of recap for me because I wanted to do it. If you're tagged in it it means that you played a part in my year and meant something to me. Feel free to only read your little paragraphs (or nothing at all, theres no obligation), this is bound to get unspeakably long.

first, I want to give a quick shout out to the people I started talking to/followed more recently @hyunpic (I haven's checked twitter today, did hyunjin kill you yet or did he get all of that out of the way in 2022?) @mybodyfails (did u ever listen to stromae?) @jisungsjaistandjeekies (how was the first day of your new job?) The best thing about getting another year on tumblr is the promise of getting to know you all more <3

@quokki you were literally the first person I ever followed for stray kids content. It was around february, when I looked for fanart for the first time and reactivated my twitter and I found your hannies. It took a little longer but I'm so glad we are friends now. I really love our chats/meltdowns abt hanji and you're incredibly talented and kind and also just correct abt a lot of stuff lmao

@alexenglish alex, I know we don't talk that much but you were the first person to really talk to me abt k-pop stuff and I will never forget that. I also cannot thank you enough for showing me rolling quartz and for reading the stupid thing that i wrote that one time. it seems trivial but i literally do not show anyone my writing ever and anytime I do and it's a good experience it makes me a little braver so thank you, seriously. and also thank you for sticking around even when I'm a dick

my first comeback in march was soso special because I had people to freak out with. I was in Ireland at the time and even hough I was brand new in online stayville I felt a lot less alone than I could've.

in april i started talking to @sailsflyseaward but I honestly can't believe it has only been 9 months. We've met 3! times since then and you're already one of my most precious online friends and I feel like I've known you way longer. I have to try very hard to stay cynical and not believe in fate and the universe being a good place when I think about how we could've just never met.

I was EXHAUSTED the first 4 months of this year, I hated most of it. I turned 30 in april, i had been to ireland and to the north sea on vacation in march and april but all of it felt hollow and exhausting and terrible. In germany we say that may makes everything anew and it certainly was true for me this year. I planned a trip to toronto, I got a raise, I got to see mamamoo, ive and a bunch of others live and i spoke a little to so so many sweet people.

@nevoono who makes literally the cutest fucking things ever and was my first german k-pop friend ever and also is just... really cool in such a unique way. idk I'm sorry I'm terrible at keeping up.

to @ambivartence who I don't talk to a ton but who also is literally the coolest artist alive and made me feel very happy to know that others also travel very far to see their groups. I stare at your paintings so much, i honestly should not admit it but there's just always so much to see.

and to @pvddins-art who is one of the sweetest and kindest and most generous people I've ever met, which is a high bar because I use those words for a lot of people, but for you they are more true than for anyone.

getting to go to a k-pop festival in germany as my first experience was so good too. I really had no idea what it means to ba a k-pop fan and the whole community and culture and incredible vibes around it when you're there in person. I had a very exhausting day and it was hot as hell and I had a migraine after but it was all worth it

interlude because I don't remember when I started talking to you:

@brianbangs tay my sweetheart, i love you so much. you're just one of the people who get it. like. idk, it's hard for me to put into words properly but you get it when I'm being a hater and you get it when I'm being emotional and you get it when I'm being horny and you accept all of it. I also think you're really fucking creative and talented and I love being here with you so much

then june came and it was one of my best months ever ever. I went to another festival and got to relive the music I loved as a teen. seeing the strokes 16 years after I was a fan made me cry a lot lol. I went to see my favorite people alive @starmotions, @fromadifferentphase (and the third one who is missing but u know who u are) in toronto. and I do mean this literally you're my favorites. I'm the most me when I'm with you, I think of everyone who knows me no one knows me so completely. there isn't anyone I share more parts of myself with. the 1 week I just got to hang out with you was so incredibly precious to me, it made me power through most of the rest of the year. moments of joy! I got to see toronto and got to spend time with people I love. one of my friends came all the way from salt lake city just to see me.

then I went to new york and now there's a long ass list coming because 1. it was the first time I met my beloved julia, 2. it was when i met my beloved kay 3. i got to travel with my beloved di and we got to explore new york and eat so many tacos and learn about queer art and history and also it was when I met both

@chanstopher and @lonelystreetlight and I'm puting you both in the same paragraph bc I started talking to both of you at the same time and also discovered that we're literally the same tumblr user, I cannot believe that I found the old 1D crowd again and the old glee crowd AND even the old starkid people. ok, I had to google the songs from the space tour just now but it's insane that I could text someone about both status quo by starkid AND zone by 3racha.

and lastly it was OF COURSE when i fucking saw fucking stray kids in fucking person (sorry) I was so numb from everything going on, and from the heat and from newark airport that I didn't even cry but looking back on it I honestly can't even begin to believe how lucky I was to be able to do all of that in just one month.

july was the month I went to see harry styles (meh) and hang out with an old friend because of it (yay) and I have literally nothing else in my calender for the entire month but I know I was a bit stressed. however I don't think it was a terrible time.

In august I went to the south of germany on vacation to celebrat my moms birthday, we went to the opera outdoors and I felt extremely fancy the entire time and also saw so many flowers. then we started the stayblr discord.

@snug-gyu @hanjesungs @ggthydrangea @littleclouds @shmalll @babychicklix and everyone else in there! I am so glad it's a space to hang out and message each other and talk about skz. I know I left very quickly (unfortunately group situations are terrible for my mental health and I felt very bad very quickly) but I still got to start chatting with so many cool people and I'm always so happy that we did that.

@bangchanies king of the dumpster that is new jersey, my absolute favorite eyeshadow model and another one of the bitches that just get it, u know? you just get what I'm trying to say and I am grateful to have you to text when I want to be annoying. (you're also secretly incredibly sweet and I think you're honestly just a very kind and empathetic person and i would be sadder without you but i will not tell anyone that you're secretly nice)

@cheekyquokka even though you're not IN the server, I feel like we started really talking around the same time so you're getting put in here as well. you're so generous and sweet to your friends, I remember the surprise and amazement from both bee and ale at the packages you sent them, you're such a great fucking mutual to have because you know yourself and you make really cool gifs, every time one of yours comes across my dash i know it. idek why. anyway, thank you <3

around september was when I finally started the group chat and seven made it complete, so here comes that bit. I needed to make sure you all know how much you mean to me.

@bourgeoix I swear in some off-kilter way we are soulmates. you make both my fandom brain and the little kid that didn't know popstars but could draw the shape of gorbachevs blood spot feel at home. you're soooo fucking smart and we have like debated moral philosophy and learning and reasoning styles at length so I won't go into it but it's one of those amazing fated coincidences that we both befriended seven and then each other. you think it's cool that I live near to Olaf Scholz's barbershop. you're my favorite of all the nerds. I could read the stuff you write for years and years and never get bored. I need to eat your brain (as jace or seven would say) and I love that we get to be both smart and very very very dumb together.

@hyumjim I honestly cannot top what mel said but you're like. my only grown up friend. You genuinely have a patience and kindness with people that is really hard to find. I know you don't show this to everyone but it makes me all the more grateful that I get to experience it. you're also insane. when seven first added you to the gc I had sth to say that felt really crazy to me and was nervous in front of you and seven said 'emily is also insane' and so i posted it in the gc and now we're friends. i don't remember what it was but you gave great advice and i sort of feel like we disagree and fight in all the ways that makes a relationship better and you make me insecure but in a fun way. you're a huge hater and yet you genuinely love people and humanity more than most people alive. thank you for listening to me.

@jellino jace idek how to describe you but you're like....... my little brother but not in a lame way. you're also older than me in some ways. idk, I just love how much you love stuff. I love how sure you are of what you're not, even while always wondering what you are. I think of you so much when I see sea creatures and ice age characters and dumb stuff. the other day I saw a squirrel irl and i thought 'I have to send this to jace' bc it reminded me of scrat from ice age. i cannot look at a penguin without thinking about you. I don't think I'll ever go to a zoo and not think of you. I also am always hoping that you are ok, that you find your way, that you know I'm happy and proud to know you...

@bewby my love. seven. I think it will never not be complicated how much I love you because I want you to be ok so bad. but it doesn't matter if you are or not for me to love you a whole lot. you're so funny and so smart and I say neither of these things lightly, like you have such a quick wit and you want everyone to be ok so bad and you love people so much and i hope that some day you will know that it is enough and you are enough. meeting you that one time was so fun, like we literally did not need more than a half hour to find sooo much stuff to talk about. I love having a german kpoppie friend, I love your tender heart, I love how understanding you are! I hope you know how much!

honestly it's all 4 of you that got me through fall and winter so far, it's venting and bitching and joking and writing insanely long messages to you that make me feel like a human instead of a gremlin. It's knowing that you like me and think I'm someone you want to listen to. You mean so much to me, I can never pay that back.

so much happened in my personal k-pop world in october PLUS most of my friends had their birthdays too so it was a bit stressful and it ended with my great uncle dying but i did get to see my old friends and family, so it was good in the end.

november was cold and dark as always but i got to feel so much warmth in scotland, just spending a few days going to museums and coffeeshops and nothing else and then seeing my love julia for the scond time, learning about history and eating pies. then I went to london to see @sunflowercocoa again after 5 fucking years and it was so much fun. I know you know how much I love you, I had such a good time, thank you for being my friend. Thank you for making me leave the house, thank you for being generous and fun and spending time with me. I know you're strong enough to get through the next year or so and I know you're gonna be so happy and so successful and you have a great life ahead. I know you're not here much anymore and that it kind of annoys you but you were a big part of this year and this is like my diary at this point tbh.

i also met @geniaparadox my homie and so much fun to hang out with. honestly our day together kind of made me wish i could've gotten to hang out with you in high school, i feel like we would have been friends. thank you for talking to me abt how underrated felix is and for looking at the bts stuff in hmv and despair because being a k-pop fan in europe is very sad and for buying japanese tea and just being cool. i am so happy that you get to not go back to that job

december was november but worse but I started it off sososo well, seeing julia the 3rd time and going to nuremberg and munich and being slightly tipsy at the christmas market everywhere and going swing dancing for the first time and trying so many fun food and drink things. It was a sad and anxiety-inducing month because so many people I know were ill or dying but in the end we mostly made it through and I am grateful. I got to spend the end of the year surrounded by babies and puppies and it felt good to not have to deal with grown-up things for a few days and just play.

#personal #life #middle of the day text posts #i love u all im so sorry for this

[roobylavender]

i know you’ve said before fma has a foundation built on imperialism apologia, but if you could make some changes to it to make it. not so. what do you think they would be?

i feel like not enough of the present-day events of the series really took place in ishval without scar being the only focal point of those events. like he was the one going to the ishvalan slums and coordinating the transmutation circle but people like ed and al also needed to go and be confronted with the reality they never actually bothered to face bc their lack of physical proximity to the most devastating effects of the war (despite what they learned about the philosopher's stones it was ultimately a revelation that only served to curb their interests away from use of the stone, it wasn't actually about giving any deference to ishvalan lives or what they deserved in the wake of the war) gave them nothing but the ability to condescend to scar about what he was doing. winry is included in that as well tbh like i love her but when she called scar wanton in briggs i think she deserved to be slapped and i really hate that the entire series more or less refused to have any of the trio acknowledge that scar likely killed winry's parents due to a severe bout of ptsd and inability to cope with the fact that his entire family had died in an explosion and he was the only one left alive. like sure they don't know the details of all of that but they could have guessed why anyone in ishval would have been driven to murder at the time

on the military end of things i think riza should have killed roy lmao.. like i'm sorry but as much as i used to love that scene in the tunnels as a kid it's so corny in retrospect bc who really knows how many times roy will be pushed to the brink and riza forced to hold him down again. he is utterly unchecked with power and delusional enough to believe he is the one with the idealistic vision to save the country like bro it's such garbage and this doesn't even begin to get into the fact that it's cruel to expect riza to serve that position of keeping him in check forever. like the king and lionheart dynamic may have had everyone by their necks years ago but when you really think about not only the political implications but also about how severely it undercuts riza's character arc it's just.. ass, ass, and more ass. i have more coherent thoughts on this as a whole here and here but like yeah ideally i think he should have died and the members of the military who participated in the ishvalan war should have been at the least completely stripped of their titles, if not outright killed for their war crimes. like riza even told ed they expected to be executed so what happened to that lmao.. in the end it never came to fruition and then arakawa added even more insult to injury by having the amestrian military lead the ishvalan restoration efforts as if the ishvalans would even want them there in the first place. like granted they did need resources and to re-establish trade, what war-torn region wouldn't, but that should not have been a military speared effort. the military should have not have returned to power to begin with and the whole country should have undergone a govt revamp

and tangential to that, while i obv do think ed and al deserve a lot of peace after everything they've been through, i really do think it's so naive to act like they get to just go home and ignore everything about the country politically now like no.. no.. i'm not saying they should be involved in govt but like i mentioned in the first paragraph they needed to have more interaction with ishvalans and considering they all knew winry's parents went there and chose to stay there anyway despite the threat of violence i think it would be a good full circle moment to have the trio involved in ishvalan restoration efforts on a local scale like there is so much they could genuinely help with re: alchemy and medical knowledge. not to mention ishval and resembool are literally in the same province like they're NEIGHBORS and to think that the trio never goes there ever is simply hysterical. this is something the anime doesn't touch on bc it's considered minutiae ig but in the manga resembool is actually a quickly growing city prior to the war due to its wool industry and that growth is ultimately stunted bc their major transportation lines are cut off once the war begins. so like. there is a very clear proximity between resembool and ishval and i really cannot believe arakawa never capitalized on it ever like it's like in naruto when kishi decided sasuke and hinata would never interact despite everything about their lore pointing to it making sense for them to interact in a way that would actually significantly reflect on the narrative

#outbox #this is nothing but a vent post damn. i still have so much unchecked anger about this seriesjklgjghdf #as is habit for the series i love most. none anger me more lol

[batcassed]

*sends it to Bruce’s snap by accident*

#bruce has a snap I stg y’all #steph or Cass made it for him #so they could spam him with photos of his children doing stupid things #he checks it bc that’s how he knows his kids are even alive lmao #bruce wayne #batfamily #batfam art #art tutorial #art #drawing #art tips #art help #stephanie brown #incorrect batman quotes #social media batfam #gotham memes #nrb #100 #;-;

[partyinthemysterymachine]

Yammer about Apartment AU

love ur thirst for bloodshed

i have to give credit where it's due and it's due to @twinvictim that Heya, Neighbor! and apt au even exists. apartment/house au is a pretty old concept that's been around for awhile and i love it every single time, and when oliver started telling me his HC i'm like hEH 👀👀👀👀👀👀 👁 ????

so thanks it's your fault, oliver

ok so Apartment AU!!!!

guys i'm not even gonna lie: Apartment AU has maybe 5 different iterations. yeah i'm serious. even actor au has maybe 4 different iterations because of the avenues i can choose, such as transing a character, or if Mary's still alive, how old Heather is (is she living at home with Harry still?), [seinfeld] what's the deal with Henry Townshend and Room 302?, how Douglas is introduced, etc.

bc in these apt au's, fitting in the events of sh1 - 3 is tricky IF they happen/ed at all (which..... they do and can...... amongst others). it's like a fuckin Choose Your Own Adventure and by golly are there are a lot of ways to do it LOL

i really REALLY need to put some focus into drawing environment bc i have GOT to draw Harry's apartment (and at least first floor of his house) bc GOSH i love how he decorated LMAO

i don't see his apartment unit's floor plan like Henry's. at all. like. open the door. living room area front and left. kitchen with a restaurant bar style counter/divide with cabinets right next to it. so when you walk in you have to walk a few steps further to actually see the kitchen bc there's a wall by the door that makes a corner to the right and leads down a hall. pretty much directly across from the kitchen is Heather's room, on the right. on the left, middle of the hall, the bathroom. straight ahead, Harry's bedroom. walk thru that door, and the master bath is also dead ahead.

it's not as big as it might sound lol bUT yeah. Murphy's apartment is sort of set up like that too, there are apts with 2b/2b. James (and/or Mary) are 1b/1b, with a floor plan more alike Henry's.

Murphy isn't even FROM here! he's a southern boy, born n' raised in Tennessee (and the only ten i see! ha ha h). truth be told, HN! Murphy was supposed to be southern but i forgot to mention that :3c kinda like how i forgot to mention his heterochromia eyes :3c oops! later time

but yeah Murphy is a southern boy and his accent is still there by gosh by golly!! he's ehhhhh 37 - 45, about 5'11 - 6'1". always the last to move in lmao. always meets Harry in the hall for the first time. because it's cute. (and honestly :| ok yeah horny on main, there's a version in which The Vibes are there and murphy goes to leave after saying their goodbyes and harry's like hey. wait. .. you wanna fuck? and murphy's like, actually? super glad you asked! and then they do) (not even a smidge sorry i love it. whores)

Alex's presence in apt AU is dependent very largely on Mary's presence, and also Travis's. this kid can't take care of himself - tho it's not like he needs a 24/7 caretaker or anything. he needs someone to drop in and check in on him and make sure he's getting what he needs and going to his appointments, and though other residents at SAH (Murphy, Harry, Eileen, Henry, Frank, Mary (if applicable)) check in on him (all in their own way ofc, everyone's got their different personalities and tactics after all), he's.. kind of a handful and honestly needs someone stable and constant enough to keep him rooted

see: Mary, Travis

now i've indulged in the "Mary's A Shepherd - Yeah, That Shepherd" theory for awhile but it was oliver that introduced the idea that mary and alex might be cousins/that mary and alex know each other/mary's taking care of the idiot in apt au. so i'm like ok. I Will Go With That! borrows ur hc

my Alex is in the range of 24 years old, idk i just struggle with seeing him much older?? asldkf i think i kinda know who to blame for that but Irregardless™️,

Alex tho lives alone. it's been hard for him to keep a job. Homecoming (except by my rules) technically happened already. i'm really not too familiar with Homecoming and Downpour which is why i steer a little further from Alex and Murphy, despite really liking them as characters, but i just don't fully grasp their stories yet. all in good time lmao it's taken me a bit to really dig my hands into SH4 soooooo dw they'll get theirs soon

love deep lore playthroughs tbh

but Alex got slapped with so much mental illness and PTSD has trouble taking his medication/staying rooted to realty/delusions/etc that it's pretty difficult for him to just.. exist sometimes. (he also goes through the "well i feel fine!! i don't need to take my medication anymore :)" moments and bro. bro that's why you feel better alex baby no) so i guess Mary is sort of his "handler". (something also present in HN! but not shown/explored quite yet.)

without Mary there, he's probably out trucking with Travis, or just is hanging out somewhere else entirely and just sitting this one out. i like Alex a lot and i want to develop him and i just dont feel right getting too much into who he is (and Murphy is he same here, again:) because i don't know their stories well enough.

one thing IS for certain tho!! is that Murphy/Harry/James are BESTIES :3

THEY ARE FRIENDS and have ZERO time for toxic masculinity. catch them cuddling on the couch. cuddling on the bed watching TV. playing with hair. holding hands. resting head on shoulder. fuck, even a cheek kiss now and then. your mileage may greatly vary. James is surprisingly less repressed than Murphy, but neither of them are too big on PDA. Harry, on the other hand, fucking loves PDA and is a handsy guy, though knows boundaries and limits and minds them very carefully.

it took some time for Murphy to warm up to everyone, and everyone to warm up to him, but esp those two and their dynamic. it's really just whatever now. Hot Guy Shit. casual intimacy with ur buds. James is actually kinda ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about a lot of things lmfao, Murphy's got the Manly Man stuff going on (understandable) and adjusting to James and Harry is kind of sneak-attack smack in the forehead with a 2x4. (also present in HN!) Harry and James have been friends for a very long time, and have..... Secrets.

it's actually rare that in an apt au that Harry and James are an Official Pair. instead, they DID try a romance after being friends for awhile, but their romantic chemistry is awfully faulty. their sexual chemistry? in-fucking(pun intended)-credible. besties with benefits. (yeah! even when Mary's present. now THAT'S a whole 'nother thing on its own,)

instead, James kinda. well it depends. there's a James/Murphy ending, James/Henry (yeah you read that right i LOVE that rarepair), James/Travis (HELLO AGAIN OLIVER I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THIS), and maybe now that i think about it? sure. James/Alex. James might get around more than Harry does holy shit, whore

Harry usually gets paired off with Murphy or Douglas. there actually is a wild card version where Harry/Frank and whether or not James knows/is around to know about it is up in the air. CHOOSE UR OWN ADVENTURE, KIDS, U WIN/LOSE EVERY TIME

(bet on 00 i promise it's lucky)

>:3c

i have no idea where to put this it should be at the top but fuckit this whole thing is a fuckin mess this is my stream of consciousness, lads, hope ur gettin a kick outta it that's all i aim for

ANYWAY

i added a fifth floor to SAH. (somewhat non-HN! compliant) so it's like:

FIRST FLOOR: James/Mary (when applicable), Frank

SECOND FLOOR: Richard, Travis (when applicable)

THIRD FLOOR: Eileen, Henry

FOURTH FLOOR: Alex, Douglas (when applicable)

FIFTH FLOOR: Murphy, Harry/Heather

sorry this is all just mega disjointed good LUCK

James and Murphy work at the same auto shop. James helped Murph get the job. Murphy works some serious magic in car guts and James just loves how things work. neither are big car guys per-say; they're mechanical guys. they're the ones who take things apart to see how they work then put them back together (or don't, or try to, and get mad LOL). James actually is starting to move into detailing cars. figured out he's pretty good at it and he's meticulous and it's soothing lmao, disgusting as it is

i mean

c'mon guys

james has a toilet hand, of course he's gonna be stone cold against cockroach horror cars LOL

ah fuck that's a lot ok ok ok HOPE THIS SATISFIES bc as u know i can just bullshit all fuckin day pls n thank CHEERS 💖😭

#ches writes #apt au #WHEW BOY HOWDY #how's THAT for chaos and yammering LOL

[ilytyun]

how does txt text? (v realistic and accurate)

txt as gen z boys you started texting over quarantine😔💔

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for so long... it’s literally so bad but i thought i was kind of funny  LOLLL💀💀 it’s not like what i usually write but hope it’s at least a bit enjoyable !! (also tysm for 100+ followers !!!!!!! teehee<333333)

warnings: some swearing, overuse of emojis, dated trends bc i wrote this three months ago LOL

yeonjun:

honestly ??? seems like a dry texter ... doesn’t reread his texts so sometimes they come out confusing even though he keeps spell check on, also never sends a text with more than ten words

lowkey dad texter if you’re not having an actual conversation ... lots of ‘k’, ‘thx’, ‘👍’, ‘idc/k’ and ‘lol’ ... also uses 💯, 😂 and ❤️ unironically 😔😔😔

also ‘???’

NOTORIOUS FOR BEING THAT GUY WHO JUST SAYS ‘hey’ WHEN YOU HAVENT TALKED IN LIKE TWO DAYS LMAO

you can never read how he’s feeling over text but sometimes he’ll sprinkle in a :) or a ;)) just to keep you on your toes

either no punctuation at all or an unnecessary overuse of punctuation ... if there is punctuation it?s , bad punctuation . ???????!!??~~~~ which is how most of his texts transfer emotions i guess ?? lol

he’s only like this because he genuinely sees texting as a quick last resort type of communication...

if you want to talk with him just give him a call... he prefers to hear your voice anyways🥺

soobin:

standard gen z texter, has good spelling, keeps his letters all lowercase for no reason other than because he thinks it looks nice ?? turns caps lock on for when he feels scandalized

texts like a bisexual......... u know with a ‘ !!’ or ‘ ??’ at the end...(the space between the last word and the punctuation is the most important part), uses a lot of ~~~~~ and ;;;;;;; and ^^ or >< too because he doesn’t want to sound monotone

‘lololol’ and ‘lolllllllllllll’.... also maybe ‘haha yeah’

super inconsistent when it comes to replying rip... like you’ll be able to hold a really good conversation for at most an hour and then he’ll leave you on delivered until the next day when he continues the conversation like nothing happened

only double texts when he needs to !! is a good boy and sends one longish text rather than a lot of short texts at once; good at paraphrasing, understands that not everyone views texting as a tool for conversation

looks like he’d be pretty good at using emojis, probably hip enough to use 😭😭😭 as a laughing emoji, also keyboard smashes

frequent user of this emoji as well: 😰

probably gets really lazy sometimes too so he ends up sending you a lot of voice memos

just overall extremely chaotic neutral

beomgyu:

seems the most normal/trendy texter imo😭

really great at using emojis... his best hits include: 😳, ✨, 🥰, 🤗 and 🥺 (ESPECIALLY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺), also is a frequent user of all the pink heart emojis most notably 💕, texting him is never boring and he does his best to come off nice !! and he can tone down how he texts too... versatile king

definitely calls yeonjun a boomer for using 😂

but he’s also probably on tiktok or smthn A LOT so if you’re close to him he’ll pull the: 👁👄👁, 😀, 🥴, 💀💀💀, 😻, 🤡, 🧍....... used ‘no❤️’ and also ‘🧚✨’ before it got annoying...

the one who sends you very obscure memes he finds off the internet as replies to your texts but they somehow always just work..... sth like those badly edited facebook memes or sth LMAOOOOOO😭😭

his one downfall: will definetly accidentally type out the wrong your/you’re... same with there/they’re/their and no matter how much it annoys you he really could not care less

i lied here’s another downfall: he’s SUPER bad with replying. leaves you on read accidentally a lot and it kinda hurts ngl💀

i lied again here’s one last downfall... even if he’s bad with replying he will not hesitate to text you to get your attention...... he does not give a single shit. if he needs you he’ll text each individual letter of H E L L O, also double texts if he’s excited but you let it slide because he’s cute😔

taehyun:

another good texter but maybe... too good.....

his spelling and grammar are on point... you will never ever catch him slipping. periods at the end of every sentence. him and hyuka are probably the only ones who still use auto capitalization

but something about his texting seems so robotic....... you find yourself honestly wondering if he’s being dry with you or if he’s just being super polite

it’s also definetly because he somehow always finds the perfectly specific emoji to include at the end of his message💀

and they’re always obscure ones too... he used the 🚏 emoji once when he told you he was ‘Waiting for the bus. 🚌🚏 Cannot wait you see you. 🤓’ and it made you go huh...

overall pretty articulate over text but when you’re acting a bit questionable his favourite emoji to use is simply 🤨 he also genuinely believes 🤓 is cute... like ok taehyun

lowkey dry texter so it’s somehow satisfying when he uses exclamation marks... it shows that he’s excited lol

he’s unpredictable and distinct... unique king

huening kai:

texting god.... but wbk

if gyu has bruh girl energy hyuka def has big hii girly! :) energy LMAOOOO

genuinely the sweetest texter, you can hear his voice and feel his energy through his messages🥺

takes the time to use the japanese emojis... (๑╹ω╹๑ ) it’s super duper adorable... some of his favourite emojis are 🤩, 😊, 🕺 and 🙈

but if it’s struggle hours you know he’s going 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

uses coloured heart emojis !! 🧡💛💚💙💛💜

definetly uses uwu and xD unironically but it’s really cute when he does it....

ofc >3< is his signature

uses ‘BAHAHAHAHA’ and ‘Hehehehee’ instead of just lol..... also an avid keyboard smasher esp if you are too (he’s never felt more alive than when using sksksksk was still a trend... emits highkey vsco girl energy on top of his hii girly energy lol)

another kid who overuses punctuation ???? but just to emphasize !!!!! his !!!!!!! point ,,,..,,,!!!!

sends you motivational texts throughout the day... ‘You’ve got this!!!!! (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾ I hope you have a good day today!!!!!!!!!(๑>◡<๑)💛💛💚’

tried to turn off auto capitalization but thought it made him come off as too aloof/impolite so he turned it back on😭😭 doesn’t have a problem when other people don’t use it though !!

#tag yourself i'm somewhere between soobin and hyuka LOLLL #txt scenarios #yeonjun scenarios #soobin scenarios #beomgyu scenarios #taehyun scenarios #hueningkai scenarios #txt texts #(?) i guess ??? LMAO #yeonjun #soobin #beomgyu #taehyun #hueningkai #also !!: i understand that koreas texting culture is obvs different from the west’s #but this is jus jokes🥺 pls dont come for me LOLLLLLLL #yeonjun texts #soobin texts #beomgyu texts #taehyun texts #hueningkai texts #tomorrow x together scenarios #tomorrow x together texts #also photos are fugly but this is a crack post so who cares BAHAHA

[lacharcutiere]

before they year ends, anyone wanna admit they have a crush on me ?

characters: oikawa tōru, miya atsumu, bokuto kōtarō, kuroo tetsurō, terushima yūji

requested by @howlpendragonsupremacist (kt it’s ok real men suck that’s why we have our baby boys)

anyway yeah,, it’s those things people post on their snap/insta stories that are like, “before 2020 is over does anyone wanna admit they like me?” yeah. and they boys post and u swipe up, here’s what would happen.

oh my god this is so so late lmfao but oh well, bc i also didn’t get the rq until after new year’s anyway oops

this ended up crackier than i meant it to be but,, enjoy 🤪🤪

general masterlist // haikyū!! masterlist

oikawa tōru

※ ok honestly,, he probably said he was posting it ironically, but deep down it was a liiiitle bit unironic. just a little.

※ this is how it went:

you *probably* had to have one of your friends convince you to just say “fuck it” & hit send. probably.

he didn’t respond immediately; the boy has lots to do !!! go easy on him

but when he did finally get a chance to check his phone & he saw your message, he definitely didn’t wanna leave you hanging any longer

so you probably got a response back after like,,, a few hours ? but he definitely responded on the same day

unless you messaged him while he was asleep—in which case you either woke up to a response or didn’t have to wait long after you woke up to get one

this is the one he posted on his story:

※ (you KNOW he likes to keep it classy or at least that’s what he SAYS)

※ and this was your conversation:

uhhh me 😳 seen

👀👀 Oh???

i said what i said seen

you’re not the first🥰 KIDDING KIDDING

nevermind seen

HUH

cocky bitch😡 someone needs to humble u gOd seen

😔😔 if i take you out will that make up for it

yes please i would like to no longer be alive🥰 seen

NOOO like a date???? or something ...ahahah

oikawa i stg but i’ll THINK abt it seen

please say yes

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

miya atsumu

KIDDING IM KIDDING

this is the one he posted:

※ it was definitely not ironic and the way he tried so hard to make it seem ironic honestly just,, made it sm worse LMFAO

※ how’d it go ??? well.

so you slid up like “🙋🏻‍♀️”

and uhh u didn’t get a response back for like,, a MINUTE

like maybe a couple hours ?? probably not more than like 2 or 3 tho

※ AND your conversation,,

ahahaa *a whole minute later*

wait like actually

uhh yeah haha seen

ohooo say less XD

dork seen

i thought u said u liked me :(

yea um,,, wanna go out for coffee sometime? seen

OH HELL YEAH oh btw i think your cute 😌

※ yes i am calling it rn i hc that he gets your/you’re mixed up sometimes

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

bokuto kōtarō

※ my big baby boy forgot what year it was for a hot minute and unfortunately that minute occurred when he was posting

※ so he ended up posting this one

※ okok one of two things happened

EITHER nobody had the heart to tell him it wasn’t the end of the decade LMAO he’s baby

ORRR maybe like one or two people told him and he *meant* to take it down but then he forgot

※ and again w how it went, it coulda been two things

unless he was busy, he responded IMMEDIATELY because he was EXCITE oh my god such pretty lil human showing interest in him ???? absolutely passed out from excitement

he got scared. he got scared and then he left you on delivered for probably wayyy too long. and eventually he probably texted akaashi panicking, begging for advice, and akaashi told him he better get back to you if he didn’t want you to give up on it. and then he got even more scared. but he did text you back.

※ i’m thinking the convo went like

it’s not the end of the decade dummy but i might 👉🏽👈🏽 seen

🥺🥺 really

hehe yes seen

:))))

:))))) sent

*he leaves u on delivered for like, 10 minutes* can i take yuo on a date ***you

that sounds nice 🥰🥰 seen

so yes???

dummy ofc bo seen

:D

※ oh my god he’s baby

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

kuroo tetsurō

why does this specific pic of sonic give off literally the exact same vibe he does

※ ANYWAY

※ ok tbh LMAO he’d be kinda awkward about it but like,, he wouldn’t notice

※ you, on the other hand, do notice but it’s sort of cute so do you care ?? no.

※ so,,,, he’s one of the ones that probably didn’t get back to you as soon as you’d have liked but he was actually super nice about it so yk, it’s fineee

※ and the reason he didn’t get back to you super quickly was because the boy’s got THINGS to do, like come on, he’s got his shit together (or he tries to, at least)

※ it went like this:

ahaha me 🤡 sent

*after being left on delivered for like 4 hours* hello i am so sorry i just checked my phone now but wassup babeyyy

hello seen

hello you we’re serious right? **were autocorrect

hahaha yes seen

i’m flattered 😁

ur welcome:) sent

*probably 5 minutes later* sorry um did you wanna maybe hang out some time?

nooo it’s totally fine if you don’t want to !! seen

NO I WANT TO i’m sorry i was just uh SCREAMING bc holy woah u like me back

wait HUH seen

ahahaha u bet i do babeyy

ok look ur hot but pls stop trying to talk like that it’s weird seen

don’t make me sad like that

˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚

terushima yūji

※ cursèd

※ okok SO he either

got back to you almost immediately, and you were about to go to sleep when he did—it was probably around midnight or something?? and then you ended up staying up late talking because does this boy have a functional sleep schedule? probably not

left you on delivered for a while. but,, not on accident. no. he did it so that he could gloat about bEiNG tOo bUSy tExTiNg baCK EveRYonE ELsE WhO SLiD uP

i mean,, ok look, one or two other people probably did. but definitely not nearly as many as he’d like you to think.

cocky little bitch, even after fessing up for himself, he definitely went on about how “on god can u IMAGINE how jealous everyone’s gonna be of u”

※ the conversation proceeded as follows:

what the fuck teru you just awakened a memory i didn’t know i had  also,, me 🤮 seen

👀 u don’t have to be shy ab it i alr knew;)

👁👄👁 no u did NOT seen

mayyybe but i figured yk wit all the other people who also hit me up i’m not surprised;)

wowowow people like u??? who woulda thought seen

u apparently

can u like shut the fuck up for a minute  seen

but what if i told u its mutual😏

yeah shut the fuck UP i am screaming seen

😏😏😏

and here’s an honorable mention that tbh i could see probably any of them posting

general masterlist // haikyū!! masterlist

#oikawa toru #miya atsumu #bokuto kōtarō #kuroo tetsurō #terushima yūji #oikawa x reader #atsumu x reader #bokuto x reader #kuroo x reader #terushima x reader #haikyū!! #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #hq x reader #fake texts #(kinda) #new year’s things #this is so late for new years oh well #mara's archive

[solasan]

mollie i am knocking down your door and asking about matty, jill & chris 👀

omg leah!!!!!! i am always happy to talk abt my babies thank u sm for askin abt them <333

(under a cut bc this got long, i don't know how to do anything concisely i'm so sorry shdsjk)

so jill & matty meet during the raccoon city incident; matty's a nurse working at the spencer memorial hospital under dr. bard at the time (and also lowkey working for umbrella against her will) and carlos finds her when he brings jill to the hospital. she's literally hiding in a closet lmao carlos almost shoots her when he finds her, but she's so panicked and wide-eyed that he's like ok. i am going to leave my friend with u. please don't let her die. i'll be super mad.

matty looks after jill while carlos goes underground, mostly just keeping an eye on her vitals etc to be sure she's not either a) going to keel over and die or b) mutate into anything deeply terrifying that will scar matty for life lmao. when jill wakes up it's to matty literally checking her pulse, and when she moves matty jumps so hard that jill immediately decides she's going to protect this poor doe-eyed nurse with her life lmao

after the events of raccoon city, they get together. it's pretty hesitant and nervous on both sides at first bc 1) it's 1998 and they are two women and 2) they're both pretty traumatised lmao. matty especially has a lot of nightmares n has to go to therapy to work thru the things she saw at raccoon city. but they're very happy!!! very domestic!!!! they have a Gentle kind of love that builds very slowly and makes me 🥺

jill introduces matty to chris pretty quickly, because he's her best bud. i think even by this point chris is in love with jill but hasn't. quite realised it yet? but he and matty get along very well!!! she's a very soft sort of woman and pretty easy to get along with, especially since she's turned on umbrella now; she hasn't yet joined the the fight against them bc she's. still very anxious about being in any kind of combat situation again, but she works as a nurse in a local hospital n her n chris become pretty good buds thru their shared love of jill

so things between her and jill get pretty serious!!! they talk abt exchanging rings and are pretty open about their plans to spend the rest of their lives together. it's very sweet. and then the spencer estate raid happens, and jill disappears and is assumed dead.

and matty is a mess.

she grieves for a rly long time lmao. and doesn't rly do it very healthily. this is when she gets involved with the bsaa (as a medic) because she's just. so lost and furious about jill's death. she's lost her whole future, yknow?

anyway during this time her and chris kind of get a bit codependent bc they're both mourning this wonderful woman they loved so much, and they dont feel anyone else understands? chris feels like it's his fault she's gone and his fault matty's lost her, n matty's like lmao it's jill she never did anything she didn't want to do!!! it isn't ur fault!!!!

they kind of fall in love by accident? and their love is massively shaped both by jill's presence in their lives AND by her absence; they fall in love with the way the other loved jill first, and then with each other as people not long after lmao. they both feel super guilty abt having these feelings too!!! chris is like i killed her and now i'm trying to steal the woman she used to call her wife and matty's like she's dead and now i'm moving on with her best friend, i'm evil. it's all very dramatic

they do work things out tho. and they get married like. literally 2 months before re5. it's a beautiful ceremony n they both rly wish jill was there for it lmao but yeah. they're happy!!! they're in love!!!! they're talking abt having kids together, which for matty is a big deal, because she was a teen mom and gave up her kid for adoption (something previously she'd only talked about with jill)

AND THEN RE5 HAPPENS AND JILL TURNS OUT TO BE ALIVE AND THINGS GET MUCH MORE COMPLICATED!!!!

really. so much more complicated. once she’s herself again, jill starts talking abt going home to matty, and chris is so like. oh my god what do i do. oh my god i’m married to her girlfriend she’s going to hate me. oh my god i’m so glad she’s alive but we are so screwed

lmao she comes home and it’s been three years and matty doesn’t live in the apartment they shared anymore and she’s a married woman now and the next few months are just. very awkward and confusing for everybody involved? jill still loves matty and matty still loves jill but she also loves chris, who loves them both, and none of them know how to act lmao. chris talks once abt stepping back to let them be together and matty nearly brains him on the nearest hard surface she’s so mad.

matty, turning up at @denerims cassie’s house: WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT EVEN ARE MY OPTIONS HERE DO I HAVE TO CHANGE MY NAME AND LEAVE THE COUNTRY

anyway. eventually they do work it out. matty kind of preliminarily remains married to chris while also dating jill (consensually, everyone involved knows) and then uhhh jill eventually realises she loves chris too lmao and they all get drunk and hook up once and from then on it’s sorted. they are a package deal. they also eventually have a private lil ceremony where they all exchange rings w each other lmao they’re so in love it’s disgusting

and yeah. i still haven’t played village so idk whats going on w them by that point except they probably have a kid or two??? the end SHKDKD im so soz this is so long

#this is so long this is so long im so sorry omg #they r very in love n cute but dear god it takes them so long to get there #answered #bllvkbird #ch: matty sawyer

[kinnie-moment]

SoKi hcs because they are criminally underrated idc

These mfs have so much trauma LOL

Kids always paranoid about becoming a kishin like Asura

Also has nightmares about being kidnapped…… that could not have been a fun experience. I’m sure he wakes up practically trembling. 

And Soul is of course still torn up over the black blood and the little demon

#bestievibesonly 😍😍

Soul feels. So inferior to Kid. LIKE HES A MF DEATH GOD HE DID SERIOUS DAMAGE ON THE KISHIN and Soul thinks he’s just some guy

But Kid always notices and knows exactly what to say to Soul. He has a very proper and elegant way of speaking, and that translates into compliments

But when it comes to them getting together!! Its a funny story i will pretend its cannon

It was a school dance. Soul found himself on the balcony as usual, but this time it was Kid who came out to greet him and ask if he was okay

He figured Soul would be dancing with Maka since they came to the dance together, but after speaking to Soul for a minute or to he suddenly realized it wasn’t like that

Eventually, he got Soul to spill that he wanted to dance with someone, he just didn’t think they’d say yes

“I think you should ask them, Soul. Surely they’ll accept it if you approach it properly.”

“Okay pretty boy, wanna dance with me?”

Yeah Kid nearly fell backwards of the balcony 

So much?? Just happened???? Being asked to dance??? BEING CALLED PRETTY BOY??????????

He suddenly realizes he forgot to respond so he quickly mutters a small “y-yes.” and Soul thinks it's hilarious.

Kid gets flustered very easily but we’ll come back to that later

Anyways they dance and!!!!! Turns out Liz set the whole thing up and basically told soul that kid liked him LMFAOSKB

As for general relationship hcs:

Kid calls Soul the sweet and tender pet names like “love” and “dear”

But also stuff like fruitcake and dumbass. Lovingly, of course

Oh my god they probably call each other the f slur bye

Soul calls him stuff like “pretty boy” and “kiddo” and Kid rolls his eyes and pretends like he hates it

One time Soul called him some dumb shit like “alive the offspring” and got slapped in the face. He doesn't regret it tho because Kid’s small giggle was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. He’s down bad yall.

Kid gets flustered. So incredibly easily. And it's super obvious bc mf is so PALE

Soul could whisper something slightly outta pocket and Kid is bright red in a second

Its very funny everyone teases him for it <33333

Tfw ur literally a death god but can't handle holding ur bfs hand

However, Soul can get just as flustered. He's only slightly better at hiding it

Kid has definitely shot Soul in the balls before. Just bc he was being obnoxious 

“If you damage anything down there it’s a loss on your part, remember that.”

Soul gets an extra shot in the face for that one

Very chill relationship. They really don't need to constantly drown each other in affection, sometimes just sitting in silence together is enough

Just stuff they'd do even if they weren't together, like sneaking out to the basketball court late at night

“If I win I get to move all the furniture off center” “If I win you shut the fuck up”

I know i said they don't have an incredibly over the top relationship, but there is a lot of reassurance needed with these two

Soul has like,,, the insecure jealousy. He knows his bf is like the hottest guy ever. He knows his bf possesses an immense power and a high status. It seems ridiculous that he’d settle for a guy like soul

But he did. And Kid doesn’t regret it, no matter what Soul thinks

God im just jumping around w these but… onto pda and physical affection!

At first, Kid isn’t big on physical affection. He’s never really gotten it before so he’s like ????? what even is that

He discovers how nice it can be one day when he’s beginning to spiral. Instead of trying to talk to Kid, Soul just gently pulled him closer and rubbed small circles into his back until he had calmed down and Kid was like. oh. oh okay.

So needless to say, he’s very big on affection now. When Soul hugs him he doesn't feel like a god anymore. He doesn’t feel the stress of living up to his father. He can just sink into the feeling of security. 

Soul loves to give Kid hugs from behind. Just to flex that he’s taller. Even tho its only by 1 inch

He talks mad shit for a mf that's literally 5’3

LMAO ANYWAYS

They both give me the vibes of….. clingy when sleepy. Kid practically clings to Soul when he’s asleep, and if Soul attempts to get up Kid will just whine and pull him back while he’s in this half asleep state

He’ll never admit to it though.

Soul loves to watch Kid fight. He's just so graceful with each move and it's incredibly badass.

Kid loves to wear Soul’s hoodies around the house. Again, he’s only 1 inch shorter but Soul wears looser clothes so it definitely fits a bit big on him

Soul loves when Kid plays with his hair

Kid loves it to, but at the same time he’s so insecure about his hair he usually prefers to forget about it completely 

But if he's had a hard day is he really gonna say no when Soul offers to hold him and rub his hair????? No absolutely not

Who the fuck would say no to that

Ugh i love them

Pov homosexuality 

Oooo u wanna be my friend and talk to me about them so bad ooooooo kid kinnies wanna give me validation so bad ooo

Also im only doing self promo bc there’s no SoKi content out there but!!! I have tons of SoKi content on my ao3 (kinnie_moment) and i’m slowly uploading them to my wattpad (kinnie_moment_asf) so feel free to check those out if u want more content!! I love these two sm i doubt i’ll stop writing them anytime soon

#first post how are we #soulxkid #kidxsoul #soul eater #soulevans #soul evans #death the kid #deaththekid #dtk #soul eater death the kid #soki #deathsoul #headcanon #soul evans hc #dtk headcannons #death the kid headcannons #souleaterhcs

[janiedean]

ooh so linked to the Brienne ask re: the kingsguard part. What are your thoughts on Aerys’ kingsguard, especially like Arthur Dayne who Jaime from what I remember has complicated feelings for but pretty much idolises him. And they’re so loved by almost everyone in universe!!! Like idk how to think about them really my feelings for them are also complicated

+ okay good because I honestly don’t see why people love them so much like most of the things we’ve heard about them are like. Objectively bad. And like yeah the idea of them is cool but well that can only go so far. also I’m sorry if these asks are a mess I’m exhausted!! ALSO I think you’re amazing for answering all of us anons with such detail I always love coming on to your blog

(putting both asks in the same place uu)

in order: the fact that they're loved by everyone in-universe and fandom actually likes them (or at least arthur dayne hahahahaha god) is like... some of george's best trolling because guess what the entire point is that they're supposed to look like amazing people/the real deal when instead they're all terrible the end - except again for the poor martell prince whom we don't know enough about and I'll give him a pass bc martell people are usually not stupid af but in order:

as I said george has made a point of stating that knighthood is a rotten institution and the kg especially aerys being like... what should be the highest honor for a knight is equally as rotten as knigthood in general and is made of people who do Not Deserve The Title - I mean again hey it's orders so marital rape is fine, hey we're leaving the 15yo to man an entire castle? WHY NOT, the king is mad? WELL WE SWORE TO SERVE HIM, like not counting martell prince there isn't one single person in the aerys kg except jaime who actually upheld the oaths they swore ie protecting the innocent so make of that what you will

the fact that jaime aka the fifteen year old is literally the only one who gets the job and then goes there like 'hey we're basically covering for marital rape what the fuck' and no one else bats an eyelid should already say everything there is to say about these people's moral standard

the fact that none of them actually stuck up for the fifteen-year old who was obviously not ready for the job nor tried to idk do anything to make it easier on him or whatever also says everything about their moral standard because honestly fuck you

the fact that everyone thinks they're amazing jaime included when they're all pretty much shitty is like... well, same as fandom does, which means that the readers bought what people in-narrative do... except that the moment you scratch the surface it's really damned bad

and I'm saying barristan is on thin ice because from his chapters you can see he's like... not a bad dude but like his reaction to jaime being in there still when he saw aerys is 'ah that fucker who killed the king and was so proud he had to try and get into it at fifteen'? like??? fuck you?? honestly the fact that all of them literally served a dude who put people on fire and was a menace/danger to the realm and then have the gall to think that jaime is the worst or who didn't like try to help him or anything while he was obv struggling with his vows and the fact that he was serving a madman says all about their moral standards, again

and honestly arthur dayne is the literal worst of all of them because like - first of all oh you knight the 15yo who goes along with you slaying bandits and you don't try to dissuade him from joining the kg? what the fucking fuck am I supposed to think - second of all you don't even warn him of what is expecting him when he joins when you've been there for a while? - but third of all which drives me insane and I hate that fandom sleeps on it and goes around happily like ARTHUR/LYANNA THE SHIP OF DREAMS... okay listen like I have literally zero investment in lyanna as a character or in r + l and I don't necessarily think he did everything - I think they had a mutual infatuation and eloped and she sorely regretted it and then it was on r. who shouldn't have like acted on it because he happened to be the 20+ year old with a wife and kids, but there's the whole tower of joy situation - in which sorry but we have arthur fucking off KL with other kg people and leaving all the others in the literal shit bc they'd have to deal with aerys and it'd be less of them than they should be, to go with rhaegar to the tower of joy to help him elope which whatever, and then lyanna was left there after r. had to go back... when her brother and father were burned alive and like if she knew that then I doubt she'd have wanted to stay and if she didn't then they withheld fairly important fucking information, so like he stayed there guarding a pregnant 15-16 yo who most likely did not want to be there and who is pregnant by his best friend whose family oh accidentally murdered half of hers........ and lyanna was there even after rhaegar died so I mean it's not like the moment he happened this dude goes and says 'hey maybe we should actually go back and see if we can solve this mess' no he kept her prisoner there anyway - on top of that... here I'm wildly speculating but: he had to know rhaegar was dead and when ned showed up if we are to believe him and idt he was unreliable on that... ned didn't want to fight him or kill him he just wanted to get his sister and leave and like he was most likely in love with ashara aka arthur's sister so why the fuck would he want to kill him right, and like rhaegar's dead and arthur has nothing to lose by letting ned up especially knowing that lyanna is fucking dying in childbirth like she's dying her brother's there just let him up and solve it later esp when the dude doesn't want to kill you....... but no ned had to kill him because he wouldn't budge and why the fucking fuck wouldn't you budge at that point? your side lost the war, the guy you were friends with that you did all of this for is dead, the girl is about to die at least let her die with her family, why? - only thing I can deduce from it: that rhaegar told him that the baby's survival was the most important thing because third head of the dragon blah blah blah and that if the war was lost to just grab the baby and lyanna if she survived and fuck off to essos until he grew up, except that lyanna didn't survive so the conclusion is that he tried to stop ned from going up there bc he'd have found out about the baby and tried to stop them and at that point who gives a fuck if lyanna died or not but he'd have liked... let her die and kill ned in the process and done that most likely, and sorry but when they knightly vows are, I would like to remind everyone, In the name of the Warrior I charge you to be brave. In the name of the Father I charge you to be just. In the name of the Mother I charge you to defend the young and innocent. In the name of the Maid I charge you to protect all women…. like... what, what exactly has this dude done that would qualify as that? because lyanna would be young and innocent and a woman and he basically is letting her die, that behavior does not qualify as bravery and he'd like... deny the kid a chance of growing up with his family period if he killed ned and he didn't seem to particularly give a fuck las we checked, and that's like not counting the whole 'oh I won't tell the 15yo who idolizes me that he's signing

his life away to trauma nor I will support him for shit when he does' part of it, but the tower of joy stuff is shady whichever way you look at it and honestly the more time passes the more I'm convinced this guy is just a complete pos and the worst of them all except gregor when it comes to like 'people thinking you're a good knight and you're actually a pos instead' and I'm dying on that hill until george proves me wrong

and on that the thing is that... I ranted about it once here but basically jaime idolizes the shit out of him because he never saw that even if his subconscious kinda knows because when he had the weirwood dream his greatest fear was confronting the former kg and everyone was accusing him of stuff he couldn't have physically prevented (more ranting on the weirwood dream here) and he's there like 'ah I wanted to be arthur dayne but I became the smiling knight instead' but like... actually he is more of a true knight than arthur dayne can ever hope to be? because like in the above meta I was talking specifically about how to pia he's like... better than arthur dayne, but like not to be that person but jaime who thinks he's the gregor clegane of his time and not arthur dayne, while arthur dayne was... doing the shady toj thing with lyanna - saved an entire city from aerys blowing it up - risked his neck for brienne even if he didn't even like her as in he got himself kicked in a healing stump when he couldn't even stand up for himself so she wouldn't be raped - risked his neck going back for her at harrenhal and jumped into the bear pit without even knowing how he'd manage it - was actually being a decent person to tommen until c. forced him to leave - the moment he saw what happened with pia he gave her her rapist's head when she's like a commoner no one gaf about and took her into her service - when his squire wanted to bed her he like told him to be kind to her jfc - is per tyrion the only relative who actually loved him/freed him/actually stuck up for him (and tysha is on tywin thank you all very much and jaime feels so great about it he doesn't think about it until he can't anymore) (also he was the one chasing the bandits away in the first place so he was probably there like oH I HELPED A MAIDEN too lmao god fuck tywin) - actually stuck for his cat vow bc he took riverrun without bloodshed - sent brienne after sansa with the magic amazing sword because he wanted to upheld their shared vow to cat going against his own family - the moment brienne shows up like hey wanna blow this joint and leave the army you don't wanna lead to find sansa he didn't even like blink before saying yes and I'm supposed to think that in between him and arthur dayne he isn't the only one who actually stuck to his vows as well as he could/knows anything about them/is actually a trueknight™? because lmao the fact that jaime doesn't fancy himself one because of aerys when everyone fancies arthur dayne one when the latter did absolutely fucking nothing beyond slaying bandits to put his money where his mouth was while jaime didn't even like brand himself like that and still did all of that and half of it was acting on instinct not even like doing the math before and *he* was the one wanting to be knighted at fifteen and took his vows seriously when oh wait knightly vows are basically the epitome of selflessness is like again grrm trolling the hell out of everyone characters included but it's clear from the narrative imvho and I can't wait for the moment he serves the just desserts and a) jaime realizes it b) everyone else in-narrative realizes it c) bran timetravels to the fucking toj and we find out what actually went down there and this saint arthur narrative is burned to the ground because honestly no

there, I think I spat out almost all of my venom XD

#anonymous #ask post #janie writes meta #ch: jaime lannister #ch: arthur dayne #anti arthur dayne #spoilers: ALMOST because like #everyone writes fic abt arthurlyanna raising jon in essos being IN LOOVEEEE #which honestly... given the premises is like guys ship what you want but i'm skeptical #and then I had to stand through years of ppl bashing on joncon #for having done THE EXACT SAME THING WITH AEGON #but oh he was pathetic for that apparently #like take your not really veiled homophobia and go honestly #bc giving shit to joncon for stuff that arthur or barristan already ddi #and WORSE for that matter #(or ned lmao) #is just.... never mind it's been years i'm still pissed off #only good thing about 8x05 is that the joncon hatred sort of stopped #bc they realized he wasn't wasted ink #but yeah nvm that here you go anon #i'mma stop now

[lillupon]

Yeyeyeyeyeye another update💖💖💖💖💖( this is definitely a lomg adk but I just couldn't help it) Mingyu was like a little kicked puppy in this chapter looool. First off, walking in to see that he was indeed not the first person to welcome wonwoo back to school, and it was in fact his "loVe RIvaL' who he must fight in order to win his beloved's affection. That must have been a blow to his ego. And then on top of that, knowing that Mina isn't aware of the fact that they're both omegas, only fueling his suspicion that she's interested in his omega Wonwoo. He'l does feel a little bit better after hearing that Wonwoo didn’t sleep with someone else during his heat. I imagined that the entire time he was missing from school Mingyu was on edge and kind of aggressive/snappy towards everyone bc he couldn't stop thinking about someone other than him touching Mr.Jeon. Every second was spent thinking about how he was going to have to somehow find and pummel the alpha that (might) be sleeping with him. The rest of the time he felt worried and anxious, wanting to fret and take care of Mr. Jeon, he didn't like the fact that he could be in pain. One day he was even considering paying one of his friends who was good with conputers to hack into the school data base so he could find his address. On the other hand, he still couldn't help but think of the few moments where he last saw Wonwoo. Every night he'd get off to thoughts of pretending he was with Mr. Jeon, and that he was scent marking him and railing him so could he was ruined from the thought of ever needing another alpha. He would cum multiple times to the though of hoping that Wonwoo was thinking of him during his heat, without even knowing that he was indeed. The most prevalent fantasy though would be, of course, being able to knot Mr. Jeon over and over again until he was completely full of his cum (my breeding kink just popped out for a second lol). I got sidetracked there but back to the little kicked puppy. Hearing Wonwoo apologize and tell him what had happened was a mistake upset our little sensitive whiny baby who just wanted Wonwoo to love him back. Until he just couldn't take it anymore and blurted out that he would take anything Wonwoo had to give him without any regrets. Thinking that he spent the last two weeks worrying about someone who wanted to forget about him made him a little pouty puppy. Wonwoo was definitely right when he said that Mingyu was one of those big strong alphas who would roll over for an omega they were interested in.

WOAH This is a big chonker of a comment, and probably more words than I've written all weekend LMAO. Thank you for taking the time to leave it (´,,•ω•,,)♡

ALRITE *rubs hands together* let's take a peek at Mingoo's filthy thoughts.

After Mingyu finds out Mr. Jeon's secondary gender, he spends the entire night jerking off. He isn't in rut, but Mr. Jeon sure as hell makes him feel like it.

He remembers how sweetly Mr. Jeon had moaned when he cupped his cheek, wonders what kind of wrecked noises he'd make on Mingyu's knot. Mingyu isn't trying to be cocky or anything, but he does consider himself to be pretty hung.

He thinks about how Mr. Jeon might like to get fucked. Short, fast strokes? Or maybe Mr. Jeon prefers to be put on his belly and fucked slow and deep for hours on end. Mingyu's willing to give it however Mr. Jeon likes it. And maybe, if he does it good enough, Mr. Jeon will let him finish inside. It gets his dick so wet, thinking about creaming Mr. Jeon over and over again until that sweet hole is sloppy with it. He wants to see it running down those soft and pale inner thighs when Mr. Jeon stands.

After Mingyu has wrung orgasm after orgasm out of himself, he lies spent in bed, staring up at the ceiling. His dick feels raw. And now that the initial wave of horniness has passed, worry settles in.

(There's guilt, too, because he knows he shouldn't be thinking these things about a teacher he has no chance with, and also because he has a girlfriend who likes him more than he deserves.)

Everyone knows that it's not safe for an omega in heat to be out alone. He wonders if Mr. Jeon made it home safely. He wonders if there was an alpha waiting to comfort Mr. Jeon. Probably. Mr. Jeon is gorgeous, among also being kind and funny and intelligent. There's no way an omega like him doesn't have an alpha. Mingyu's jaw goes tight at the thought, the muscle there jumping. He has to make a conscious effort to unclench his teeth. Reminds himself that it's painful for omegas to endure heat on their own, that it's better if Mr. Jeon does have an alpha. But he can't help but be selfish. He wants it to be him, not some other alpha.

Mr. Jeon is absent the next day. At least Ms. Myoui is at school, because then it means that she isn't keeping Mr. Jeon company.

But then Mr. Jeon doesn't show up the next day, or the day after that. Or the remainder of the week, for that matter. Mingyu goes crazy with worry. That's not normal, is it? He remembers from his sex education classes that heats and ruts last between twenty-four and thirty-six hours. On Saturday, he can't resist sending Mr. Jeon an email. That day, he checks his school email more times than he has all year. He gets a reply in the evening. Doesn't know whether to feel relieved or not. On one hand, Mr. Jeon is alive. On the other hand, he won't be back at school for another week.

The following Monday morning, the day Mr. Jeon is supposed to be back, Mingyu wakes up early to go to school. He feels like a goddamned kid on Christmas morning, and he perks up even more when he sees Mr. Jeon's door open and hears a familiar, deep voice. Unfortunately, he also recognises Ms. Myoui's voice.

As for what was running through Mingyu's head during their conversation... Oh man, Mingyu was fishing so hard LMAOO.

“Did you have someone to look after you?” Subtext: Did you have an alpha to look after you while you were in heat?

“Everyone missed you.” Subtext: And by everyone, I mean ME.

“Mr. Jeon? Are you okay?” Subtext: You can talk to me about anything.

“What were you going to say?” Subtext: Obviously, this is something that's bothering you. Which makes me think it's about what happened last time we were alone together.

"Of course, Mr. Jeon. You can trust me with anything." Subtext: And by that, I mean ANYTHING. So, like, if you wanted to... you know... I would keep that a secret, too.

"I don't mind, though." Subtext: I liked it when you moaned and got wet for me.

“Yeah, so you don’t have to worry. You can be yourself around me.” Subtext: FEEL FREE TO GO INTO HEAT IN FRONT OF ME ANY TIME, MR JEON!

#asks #my writing #aev bonus

[miniyrds]

Honestly, I'm just tired of seeing Kevin being shipped with random ocs.

gonna be honest, the most I see about Kevin is from what gets put in the main aftg tag. (I dont know if that’s a lot or what, but that’s where all of my Kevin intel is from lmao). I have seen him shipped in multiple pairings but I typically scroll past because I have my own thoughts about Kevin. actually, most of my Kevin thoughts typically avoid him being in relationships. I honestly have zero opinion on him being shipped with anyone other than it’s not for me and how I imagine the character

anyway, now im gonna word vomit about my thoughts on kevin lmao

also!! these are merely my musings about his character, please continue to write what makes you happy and what you enjoy! this is what I enjoy :)

unpopular opinion, but I kinda dont mind that Kevin stays with thea. in my head, Kevin is aro and all he really wants is a family. (thanks to @sinistercacophony I am now deeply invested in Kevin’s family relationships bc we had like 2 convos about it)

I literally only talk to one person about weird fox headcanons so if anyone wants to bring some to my inbox or messages feel free, I love talking about them bc their lives are more interesting than mine

anyway, aro Kevin. both he an neil are on the same wavelength of “why tf can’t exy be enough” but I think they come to different conclusions at different times. neil realizes that having a found family and friends through exy is really important to him, and the fact that they don’t disappear when they leave college is very important to his outlook on things. Kevin, on the other hand, (in my head) is forced to reconcile his dedication to exy with his desperation to seem close to his mother. by nature, Kevin’s personality is obsessive to the point of desperation. if he doesn’t do well at exy, he loses the last connection to his mother (you can thank the nest for stripping Kevin of literally all other coping mechanism). eventually, he realizes that is not true because wymack is a huge connection to her even if it takes Kevin a moment to realize it. once he comes to that conclusion that he has more means to keep connected to his mother, the Kayleigh shaped hole in him looks less like an exy racquet and more like a family. he has Wymack and abby and neil and Andrew and by extension, the rest of the foxes and thea. I don’t think he holds on to the found family aspect as much as neil does, but he certainly holds on to wymack, abby, and thea. 

so what does that word jumble have to do with Kevin being aro? good question lmao. basically, I think Kevin really wants a family of his own. but, I don’t think in the traditional aspect, that could really work with the way Kevin functions (and not in a bad way, ya know?). Kevin and thea had a thing back in the nest that evolved from quick fucks to note passing. to pretty much nothing when thea graduated. they were never really *together* but they did on some level understand each other. they weren’t dating when all the shit went down with the ravens and foxes and I think that’s a good thing. I don’t think their (platonic) relationship couldve survived had Kevin been openly telling thea everything. (plus, Kevin kinda wanted thea to forget about him, despite her still being interested in him). however, with nearly everything out in the open, thea showing up to “check on” Kevin says something about them. they may not be cut out for traditional relationship stereotypes, but they kinda work as a unit.

for pretty much the rest of his college career, I see Kevin trying to forge his familial/friend relationships with wymack, abby, neil, and andrew. wymack and abby are integral in getting him through riko’s death and that really helps Kevin realize his “bigger picture.” he can’t play exy forever, but he can pass on his skillset and continue the Day bloodline (dramatic as that sounds). he can keep Kayleigh alive in the sport she co-founded by having a child and a family of his own

thea works out in this respect because she is down with having a kid and raising them on exy. her and Kevin kinda just work as a unit (I'm avoiding partner here because they aren't the same as raven partners. they’ve had enough time in the outside world to kinda work through the codependency to an extent)

Amalia doesn’t grow up with two affectionate/romantic parents but she grows up with love and support and a dad with a perfectionist tendency (but that’s okay because paired with Thea’s determination, she can keep her dad in check and still be amazing at exy)

#this is in now way related to what you asked but I just had to brain dump somewhere #I am also starting to appreciate Kevin's character a lot more each time I reread the books #at one point I was going to do a full meta on him just to show how much depth we get from him even as a 'side' character #tfc #mine #anon #(am scared to put this in the Kevin tag whoops)

[darthbecky726]

Bad Batch 1x01 spoilers

I've never done something like this before, but I figured I'd start. Reactions to the first episode of The Bad Batch. (This ended up being a lot longer than I intended, but whatever)

Spoilers under the cut

Red logo burning away starts strong

Yay narrator dude!!

Feels like clones wars

Animated rots scenes!!

And what grevious did after the rots beginning

HOLY SHIT DEPA!!!!!

And caleb right???

And we're in

Omg who voiced young caleb bc it sounds a lot like fpj but aged down and he def doesn't sound like the 14 I know he was when this happened

I like how we started out on familiar characters but not ahsoka or anyone from tcw. We started w young kanan and his master and we know what happened to them and all but if anyone watching hasn't seen rebels they wouldn't be lost as to who caleb and depa are, they'd just assume they're random jedi in o66

Good ol droid screaming as it falls off a cliff

Wow. Them.

I love crosshair

And wrecker

And tech

And echo

And hunter

B1's are so dumb

Lmao the salt from hunter

I feel like depas forehead pearls are a bit unrealistically large but I have no cultural standpoint to really know so...

Caleb's voice is too deep in the same way that jack frost from rotg's voice doesn't match his character model

Ah wrecker not really knowing what she means and echo, the one who has been trained to deal w people and hung out w ani and obi is just like 'thanks general'

Obes kenobes mention

Why is echo so pale

Depa and caleb feel a little too pale too tbh I wonder if it's the lighting or the whitewashing

Wow caleb is a lot like ezra, I can see why kanan wanted to train him lol

Is this what separates caleb and depa, leading to her telling him to run??? Do I need to read dume???

Oh no

Noooooooooo

Bb didn't get the order!

Oh caleb nooooo! Nooooooo they didn't receive that order, they can help you!!!

And he's gone

Oh I need an au where caleb stayed with bb and they helped him after depa died

Hunter sounds so much like rex it's weird like ik they're supposed to sound the same but it feels like wrecker is replacing rex or something. Even tho ik rex's story is over for the time being

Crosshair, no! Don't shoot at him! He's baby

Oh no did crosshair get o66???? It didn't seem to trigger anything in any of the rest of them, but is crosshair close enough to 'reg' for it to have triggered???

😭😭good soldiers follow orders

"sure thing, boss" "hey hunter got a sitch"

Crosshair acting sus

Oh I love watching padawans fight, they're so good!!

I hope that hit to the tree did a lil cognitive recalibration for crosshair, he was acting crazy

Caleb looks so scared!! He just watched his master get gunned down by his friends and now strange clones are trying to kill him/confusing him

Oh caleb

Oh no crosshair don't try to kill him!! Hunters trying to help!

Also hunter doesn't sound as much like rex w the helmet off, but it's weird bc most of the clones are distinguishable by voice even w helmets on. I guess it's the 'im in charge' voice

Star wars if caleb had gone w the bb

Oh hunter u sly dog lying to crosshair so he doesn't go after him. U gotta figure out why crosshair responded to o66 and no one else in ur unit did

Oh crosshair knows he's been lied to

I will always love coming-out-of-hyperspace shots

Ooh kamino, always nice this time of year

Echo is done w wrecker

Why hasn't crosshair taken his helmet off yet, lil bit sus

They better get his chip out on kamino, I don't wanna deal w this

Oof hunter 

Oh who’s that, giving me cloud city vibes

Extreme cloud city vibes wow

Never realized how many clones are just on kamino

Coruscant guard?!?! FOX?!?!

The vibes here, omg

‘The war is over’ wow

Oh no who was that

A female jedi, doesn’t appear to be shaak, couldn’t see any montrals but never know, we don’t officially know how or where she died

Ok wow none of the bb has their helmets on except for crosshair, who got the order. The regs around kamino all have their helmets on. That scene in victory and death when ahsoka took rex’s helmet off- 

And crosshair, he’s actins strange too

Oh tech, do u guys get bullied by regs a lot??

I love their barracks

Lol he finally took his helmet off only to stick a toothpick in his mouth, can he get anymore cliched?

Wrecker is seeming a lot more infantilized than he was in the s7 eps...

Yeah crosshair’s being sus

Ooh, he shifted his toothpick

Lmao ‘what programming’

Well documented my ass

Tech’s speech patterns are so stiff and robotic, it’s like he has to remind himself to talk in basic instead of binary or some shit

Tech throwing shade at crosshair

I can’t quite tell if we’re supposed to like crosshair at this point

Lmao we been knew

Oop ‘more machine than man’ the vader parallels are serving folks

Understatement.

Ugh sheev

Crusty ass bitch

Straight from rots wow

Who is the mystery child and why does he look mandalorian

Ooh he gone

Oh no, the beninning of the empire

Cheering?? Why?!?

That imperial march fade in tho

Thank you echo

Oh shit mystery child is female

Omega, I would not have guessed the pronunciation of your name by reading it wow

She def seems mandalorian

Ugh kaminoans

Oh the kaminoan pronounced it as it usually is, huh.

Omega’s character model def seems more masculine than female, I now headcanon her as trans

Ugh tarkin, I hate that crusty bitch

Empire politics ugh

I love how much shade is being thrown at tarkin and his stormtrooper proposal lmao

Why do all these clones have the standard haircut?? ik them boys like their variety, even if these boys are still under o66′s programming

Wrecker you’re being extremely loud

They’re all being loud in the mess, why

They remember, kid

Lol child

Oh my sweet summer children

The dad instinct was clearly passed genetically from jango lol all these clones got it

Why are background characters so mean? What about it, shiny? Why is ur hair regulation, reg??

The Sad Batchn omg the slander

Lol the food fight I’ve read about in the fics, its finally happening!

Is she.... australian??

The over-animation of character movements in this is reminding me of the looser style of rebels, as opposed to the more clunky style of tcw

Lmao he’s still got food on him

Food fight!!

‘Not again’???!!! Echo!! Wdym not again?! Food fights have happened before?!?? Wait. W bb or w torrent, bc I can see torrent having food fights on the resolute-

Crosshair’s just eating his food until someone messes

I like how echo still has his kamas

Oh no echo!!

Oh echo’s trauma, he doesn’t trust medical droids! Where’s kix when u need him, huh?

Lol, comically long name for a robot trope is alive and well, huh

Lmao the droid lowers his voice like ik this is a perceived bad thing, but I will not tolerate this slander, boys u need to get off kamino

‘The shock’ lmao whyyy

Lmao tech!!

Oh, echo recognized tarkin from the citadel!

‘When you blew up’ lmao

Oh they make me sad

Aaaaah fox!

Man the domino squad nostalgia

Those droids look cool

This is a neat scene, I like seeing them in action

Wrecker reminding me of hevy, but he’s got the training and success to back it up

Live fire???? No!!

Ugh I hate tarkin

Oh no wtecker

Did he just get shot!???! 

Oh no crosshair, be careful!

Tarkin’s trying to kill them!!!

Lol wrecker I love you

Echo using his mech hand as a weapon, truly an arc

Now I wanna see what happened on felucia

I like how tech’s just sitting on the droid’s shoulders

And hunter just had a knife

These boys, I love them

Oh no tech bby

Hot damn that was cool

Wrecher things so too lmao

Tarkin’s like “why didn’t that work??’

Oh new baby clones

No tf they could not, they would never serve the empire and those bitches

I love that they have a window apartment lol

Ugh tarkin u shifty

They all stand at attention, only after glaring at tarkin

Oh no onderon

I hate tarkin, he’s a bitch

How quickly could bitch lord and darth sad have replaced the armory on kamino??

Crosshair still acting sus

Neither does echo, kid

No.

I like omega.

Crosshair, with the sassy hand on the hip-

What does that even mean?? Or elude to??

Lmao tech messing w wrecker, they rlly r bros

Its prob the vegetation

Oh, I missed onderon, but not this much

Lol the put-upon sigh

Its clearly saw and his rebels

Saw! Looking sharp, what’s w the hair....

That’s a very geometric beard, saw

They didn’t kill any jedi!

That’s not what happened, tech

‘The clones’ bitch that was rex and ahsoka, check urself

Aw, I’ve always like the design of imperial probe droids

Thank you, echo

It seems like crosshair’s o66 programming and his mutation are warring w his morals

Lmao the shade

I knew she was an enhanced clone!

Oh, so she is (at least on paper) trans! She’s a clone of jango, and yet she’s female! That must be her modification, but it makes me wonder why

Lol *flicks toothpick*

Aw, they have a picture of themselves! Recent-ish, too, its got echo!

Oh no, AZI!

The difference between them arriving earlier and now, the lack of escort...

Creepy how they had to open the hanger door themselves

Oh no! Everyone!

The coruscant guard, I wish they had gotten better

Tarkin u dramatic bitch

‘The brig’ this ain’t some tallship

Lol echo that shade

Their blacks are different from the ones seen in the past

Crosshair, stop being a bitch

Oh, I don’t like that phrase!! And the fact that crosshair screamed it in echo’s face makes me uneasy. Did rex fill echo in on why fives died?? I hope so...

Crosshair, ur chip hurting??

This child, I like her.

No! Don’t hit hunter!

No crosshair!!!!

I dislike this immensly

So they do still have inhibitor chips!

Tarkin you monster

Oh poor crosshair

ihatethisihatethisihatethis

Lol tech I love you

Wrecker you sweet pea

Lol that’s adorable

I love how they form a “wall” its so suspicious 

He was about to say that, omega

Aaww, echo protective boi

Wrecker shut up tf

That was cool

Sneaky bois

This reminds me of rex and ahsoka sneaking around in v&d

Echo runs so stupid

Oh no they winter soldier’d him!

If he says who the hell is crosshar, I will lose my shit

Yes, he has. They took it from him.

The toothpick

I wonder how they’re gonna get crosshair back to normal

Not good that they nabbed the sniper

Oh, crosshair shot him in the same place he got hit during training!

Ooh, a kaminoan on their side!

I hope omega doesn’t die

Poor trigger etiquette, crosshair

Wonder if omega has any speciality training

They’re just gonna leave him there!?!?!?!?!

Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Omega reminds me of young boba 

Oh, so its in her dna

Go back for crosshair!!

Holy fucking shit that was amazing! I didn’t expect it to be that long, but I’m not complaining! This ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated, but I don’t feel like cutting anything out, so sorry for the long post but at least I put it under a cut.

#bad batch spoilers #bad batch #spoilers #star wars #long post #play by play #sw #becky's fandom rambles

[novadreii]

my thoughts on castlevania s4 SPOILERS obviously

wow, i was actually impressed with hector for once. he collected the last wit about him to turn his situation around and take his balls out of lenore’s hands back into his pants. i thought he would go sicko mode on her and feared it getting a little revenge misogynistic, but i was pleasantly surprised at how civilized it was between them up until the end.

lenore was a little useless, wasn’t she? i half expected her to go, “you know what? fuck diplomacy” and just go mach 1 on everyone. eh.

isaac, oh. isaac. my favorite secondary character. wanders the desert conquesting, killing and raising the dead which made him realize things. he realized so much he marched right into carmilla’s castle while her beserker and army were away and owned her ass. good for him.

carmilla. oh, carmilla. tied with isaac for my favorite. so determined and single-minded that she sent away all her forces while she schemed in her fortress. she depended too hard on her partners doing all the work for her, and as a result she wasn’t much of a thinker, just a bloody, murdery doer. for example, she didn’t think that there were other formidable forces in the world that may want to impede her whole world domination plan? did she forget about isaac, out in the world rogue forgemastering? that was a threat she should have checked on before going global. she got too greedy, too quickly, and she paid the ultimate price for it. she went out like a fucking boss though, and i was pleased with her arc overall. as far as villains go, her raison d’etre was relatable and hard to argue with. 

the dialogue style is both one of my favorite parts of the show but also at times a pain point for me. when it’s good, it’s relaxed, comfortable and realistic and the characters play off each other really well with it (like quipping back and forth during battle which i normally hate but works well here). when it’s bad, it’s a little cringe. some dialogue scenes went on wayyyyy too long while the characters repeated things they’d literally just said verbatim, which is awkward af in screenwriting. i.e. Isaac telling Hector twice in the space of 30 seconds “Dracula earned his rest.” which is odd because impactful phrases like this usually are not repeated so as not to, yknow, dilute their impact. Also Carmilla waxing spiteful about “evil old men” and repeating some variation of the phrase 15 times in one scene. lastly, the liberal sprinkling of the word “fuck” in every other line is also like, mostly welcome but once or twice just sounded silly given the context of the scene. i’m nitpicking, here.

saint-germain. Idk much about his woman, but she definitely seemed worth slaughtering a village and raising dracula from the dead for. violent and hot as fuck, she never uttered a single word which i want to think is indicative of something but what? did we ever figure out why she kept eluding him via dimension-jumping? imagine she was trying to get away from him all this time lol. yikes.

the smartest people in this whole show are the vampire lesbians who peace tf out immediately when they see their castle is under siege and figure out carmilla is dead. LOL at them assuming useless lenore is dead too (bc, she’s useless) and just leaving her there. they packed their shit up, moved out west, presumably to build a lover’s stronghold where they could just be in vampire love forever. GOOD FOR THEM.

trevor: continued to drunkenly yell Fuck while being masterfully proficient immediately at any weapon he picks up, though eventually always ending up using his fists like the brawler he is.

sypha: if she met the avatar, she'd be like “lmao, you can ‘bend’ the elements, huh? i can use them in ways that would make your skin crawl and your head explode to even think about. sit the fuck down.”

alucard: adorable himbo with a heart of gold, needs a tough as nails gf to jerk him out of his moods and organize his kitchen for him. another round of good for him. i was a little scared they would kill off his gf but that would have been unimaginably cruel considering what he went through in s3. alucard had imo the best/most stylish fight sequences of the season. and they know what we’re about, since he was shirtless or at least in a very deep V cut most of the time. thank you.

i had 2 major predictions for this season going into it: trevor would die (permanently), and sypha would have a kid/get pregnant. i was 75% on the money.

i liked the ending message of why humans win these wars against vampires despite being slow meatbags compared to them. the vampires’ fatal flaw is resistance to change, provoked by their immortality, arrogance, and insatiable desire for power in order to provide themselves long term stability in the world. whereas humanity’s best trait is the polar opposite: adaptability. throughout history, the ability to adapt has been proven to be the determining factor in a species’ survival. vampires, for all their god-like strengths, prove to be no exception to this rule. alucard, with his human heart, is the only one with vampire blood who has proven he can make major changes and overcome personal prejudices to live a better life.

And my final thoughts on the ending are: everyone major got a satisfying end to their arc. BUT. it was just too happy. either trevor should have stayed dead, OR dracula and lisa should have gone back to hell. but not both. having everyone come back to life and go on to skip in fields just seems contrary to the tone and messaging of the whole show, which is pretty high up on the edginess scale.

i love a bittersweet ending in general, so i’m biased. imo, the joy of a mostly good ending is rendered all that much sweeter by reflecting on what was lost to obtain it. imagine:

alternate ending 1: trevor comes back, the gang lives happily ever after at Belmont Village or wtvr they name it, BUT. we see alucard lost in thought thinking about his parents, how he saw a flash of their souls during the penultimate battle. there’s regret there, the regret of shit left unsaid and shitty family dynamics unsolved. we cut immediately back to hell, with lisa and dracula embracing, maybe whispering a few lines of doomed lovers dialogue and something about their son. they’re in hell, but ultimately, they’re together. cut back to alucard, yanked out of his sad thoughts by his pretty gf who won’t let him get too deep in the weeds. shot pans out of them together with the gang. the end.

alternate ending 2: trevor is DEAD dead. sypha stays with alucard and the gang at belmont farms and raises her kid. maybe we get a 2 year timeskip and we see the little shit have some of his dad in him/her. sypha is sad about trevor but doesn’t mope about it. she runs that town like it’s a business. alucard is the best uncle to that kid & the orphans they could ask for. everyone gets trained in ass-kicking next door at the belmont hold. lisa and dracula are miraculously alive through whatever convoluted bs makes it work, and contemplate one day moving back to see their son. dracula has a moment to realize that his family is mostly human, and what he loves in them he can learn to tolerate from all of humanity.

don’t those feel happy but just. TINGED. with just enough sadness to be more memorable? idk i may just be a masochist.

i haven’t mentioned the technical aspects such as animation and direction because they were amazing. really, really incredible animation that is going to be hard to follow up (and netflix is going to make copycats of this formula, you bet your ass they will). where cgi was used, it was excellent and barely detectable, really well integrated with 2d. so engaging to watch.

overall: 9/10

#personal #castlevania #castlevania spoilers #castlevania season 4

[zathechaosgod]

Favourite Stream Moments!

Streamed by Philza on Twitch on Wednesday 2nd of December 2020

Hardcore boi is here!

Also check out his 1mil celebration video if you haven’t yet! (and read the description lmao)

We can hear him playing in the bg already lmao

Haircut Pog!

Starting at the wither skeleton farm today

Garden time babeeyyyy

oh no sad hardcore lore

he and she kissed for the first time at the swing and this turned the tree into soulsand :((((((

FISH STREAM 2 MINS IN LETS GO

Gapple gang catch up first though!

Vods might have to get (partly) nuked soon rip

S P L A S H

Aww Kristin had her first ever tooth pulled today (in the uk by a british dentist, even)

She cracked it a while ago but only got pain recently

And no dentists nearby would take a new patient

Private dentist, bc she isn’t on NHS yet and they’ll take her

They had to wait outside until they were fetched, any and all covid measures taken (which was actually reassuring)

He was prepared to sit in the waiting room, but he’s allowed to go in with her!

Then the dentist asks when the last time Kristin went to the dentist is

(who hasn’t been since she was a kid)

which, thankfully he was kinda okay with it (the american thing probs helped lmao)

so he examines the tooth, takes an x-ray to examine the damage

and either they could leave it and wait until it becomes a bigger problem, or they could yoink it out that day

(and phil immediately went “that one” at that lmao)

so she got the injection against the pain

And phil is just,,, holding himself bc he knows the awful feeling of having teeth pulled out

and so when the dentist starts to pull and like,, rock back and forth to get it out

and Kristin just starts LAUGHING

so the dentist is just stone cold pulling that tooth out, as Kristin is giggling while being rocked back and forth, and Phil is trying not to laugh at the side

and finally the tooth comes out (and it’s a chonky boi)

long story short it cost like 130 pounds and they’ve got the covid situation under lock and key

Kristin has got a sore gum and should be completely fine in a few days

although she’s salty about not being allowed to drink today bc of the painkiller from the whole thing

(Also there’s new scam train emotes!)

“teeth are alive”

chat is getting cursed again bc of the teeth story, so time to go do productive stuff

Ian made a 2:30 put to Kristin and Phil didn’t catch it lmao

r/woosh

THE FRIDGE IS NOW CANONICALLY IN A DUMP SOMEWHERE

(i actually don’t think it helps, phil)

new nether void project!

mini lava lake, with ships in them!

(like,,, at most some lave striders will spawn in them)

The ships will be coming in through a portal!

aaand now we’re looking up when microwaves were invented (due to a dono’s story)

(They’ve existed since 1946, btw)

Also tommy is here and he says “fuck microwaves”

and “i don’t use microwaves makes my shit funny”

oh god here come the microwave stories

tommy is very passionate about microwaves today apparently

oof he wants to build the ship coming from diagonally? that’s gonna be a pain to build

BOOMERINNIT

Tubbo told Phil recently about how you can’t just go off do your own thing at 16 when you stop going to school, you have to go to a college or an apprenticeship or something until you’re 18 and Phil just,,, never realised this bc he went to college and just didn’t think about it

(which is probs the reason why tubbo and tommy are still actually going to college lmao)

Correction made by Ian: this wasn’t a thing back in the old days

RICH BOI EAR CHECK

(aka several wither for those of you that don’t know)

L O U D E R

Phil just learned there is no free post-secondary education in north america rip

also this boy took a-levels in photography, media and art and didn’t even go to his classes

it’s funny Phil still thinks anyone making important decisions in the us wants to increase the edcuation/wealth/prosperity of the country lmao

also for US peeps: 5head do your first 2 years at a community college then transfer to a better one for the same degree at like half the price

EARCHECK LMAO HE ONLY JUST GOT BACK

the person is getting called out for it lmaooooo

Phil might unleash a long hair pic on us uh oh

we’ve gone from microwaves to ramen to learning trades and weird jobs and we’re less than two hours in

and now Ian has got a first class honours masters degree in love

“is it gonna be today? let’s find out boys, let’s find out” phil narrating the chill part of chat’s thought

He thinks he’ll most likely die to fall damage, void damage or kinetic damage (from flying into a wall trying to flee the warden)

also bc i just realised i hadn’t noted that down yet but we’re now building a leafblock frame for the portal!

also this will probs be the last build in the nether void

which is sad but i’m also really excited for what big build is gonna be next

words of advice from phil: NEVER LIVE TO WORK! work to live and then do and grow in stuff that you’re actually interested in outside of it!

So many cool ideas for the portal,,, they all sound awesome tbh

Annnd now we’re talking about carson showing granny boob on stream

which, first of all don’t do that buds, second of all if it does happen, stop your stream, delete your vod and the clips, and start over like nothing happened

Portal is gonna have an actual portal!

And everything that sticks out will just be hidden behind a curtain of black concrete, bc it’ll just become invisible with the void background

rip struggles with max portal size

NVM ACTUAL PORTALS GHAST CAN SPAWN IN IT THIS WAS A GOOD TEST RUN GOODBYE PORTAL

also phil wants to get more into the habit of doing random discord streams (bc they’re dmca free so he can play whatever he wants)

but there’s like a 50 people limit so first come first serve

dream smp is fun to play bc it’s more early game instead of endgame, but chat is just unreadable sometimes then

Exploding lettuce person is still here to remind us of whatever that stream was

Anyway, portal attempt 2: basalt and pretty glass!

both chat and phil are now just catjamming to Somewhere else by Muzz!

It’s such a good song and now reminds everyone of the terra swoop force run

someone put somewhere else on beat saber pls

“dadza your child is going insane” “which one”

i’m kinda curious when dream smp chat will learn that phil does whatever he wants, which includes completely ignoring any dream smp drama when he’s playing hardcore

B O N K go to horny jail @ mermaid stripper dono

Phil is just surprised at this point that people are still surprised at tommy starting wars lmao

honestly i love phil but i absolutely hate his ice chewing

also i’m like actually envious of his elytra skills king

pee break lmao

little blade is sending us dream smp updates while dad’s gone lmao

alsp @ everyone who doesn’t know: spamming 7 will get you timed out, don’t do it especially if someone in tts tells you to

dad’s back! he saved us from endless sevens

“we aren’t all evil” “hmmm, doubt.”

how does a man just forget about 8 double chests of filled with glass?

(also i just saw tubbo’s exile tommy poll lmao)

elytra glitch but it’s just the “loud sound” one and not the “might die” one

LAYERED GLASS TO THE BACK OF THE PORTAL POG

KUBBI TIME

Phil wants to get this project finished before the end of the month/year, so he might go hard on the hardcore stream these upcoming weeks

Momza will use a squirtgun to force him to focus on editing and hardcore lmao

Altho Phil says no squirtgun allowed bc electronics + water = bad time

Phil is pretty much the gatekeeper (gates of heaven style, not the exclusionist sort) of hardcore

If people die in hardcore, they need to get mourned and blessed by dadza and his chat before they start a new one

Phil is explaining again how circumstances basically forced him to be at his weakest right before he died in season 2 (he’s told it before in the stream in techno’s base)

(i also have twitter open and i’m really gonna have to watch back the vods for dream smp tomorrow huh)

People are now memeing the “I did this and this in hardcore... and then I died” lol

“thank you dad for doing the thing”

First base layer of the portal is done!! It already looks pog

Also have I told y’all how much I enjoy it when random people get called out by like, siblings and stuff, on stream

bc it’s hilarious

Phil can see tommy become a more coherent xqc?

Well Rip Tommy ig

Also rip Tubbo’s stream I don’t think it could handle 160+K (which, POG WTF)

He’s auto hosting Philza now

(also other livestream bit: WILBURS ENTIRE SPOTIFY WRAPPED IS HAMILTON LMAOOOO)

Rip there’s 80K people here now bc of Tubbo’s host/raid lmao

Phil thinks Tubbo should move out lol bc the internet sucks so much

oh no ian why would you do this

he told the tubbo raid/host to type 7 in chat whyyyyy

chaotic neutral that man, i swear

okay so basically tommy and fundy raided tubbo which brike his stream awww

More advice of the day: use Chatterino to be able to actually view your chat

“Dadza your kids are fighting again” “but i’m making a cool portal :((((((“

He’ll have a chat with tubbo after stream if the boy wants to

Phil is considering abandoning l’manburg if dream goes on with the obsidian walls

(which, mood)

Also Phil is fully aware of the fact that ranboo lacks the spine to ever say no to the plans tommy comes up with

Also apparently techno was lurking while all of this was going down?

Phil refuses to give his opinion on the exile tommy poll lol

Lol he threw steak just as through the portal and then panicked a lil bit when he picked it up again in the overworld

“angry green man?”

Chat suggested Phil and Techno just burn the discs “if the children can’t play nice with the toys, they can’t have them at all” 

Phil thinks that goes to far tho

Technoblade came by just to say “I am the king of feminism” 

Phil thinks there’s so much contradicting that statement he doesn’t even know where to begin lol

SNOOP DOG TIME

420 subs pog

Every time he says he’ll lose 20k viewers due to it and every time it’s really not that bad lol

Everyone who clicks away is weak, regardless

only a 1000 this time (also it’s going down every stream he plays it lol)

Anyway, back to business, the magenta edge is already looking pog

Also i giggle a lil bit every time people spam s5 in the chat every time he does something dangerous/just falls off of something lol, some people just want to watch Philza die (again)

Shoutout to the people replying with “VC PHILZA” when others start spamming to vc some other cc lmao

F in the chat for Techno joinging a vc he wasn’t supposed to join rip

“Friendly reminder: Blocks have eyes. That is a line of sight. Have fun sleeping tonight!”

Ohhhh crying obsidian added to the portal!

“Time to listen to zombie piglins die. Music to my ears, a nightmare to Techno’s.”

Phil wants to make a similar farm on the dream smp but he’s gonna ask dream for permission first (bc Phil is an actual adult who knows he can get further by actually asking for permission for stuff)

And now we wait until porky has finished bartering for a good 4 stacks of gold ingots

(he definitely needs a better bartering set up)

Someone commented that the gold might despawn bc he threw like four stacks so que Phil dramatically whining while flying back to the piglin grinder and opening the first of his double chests of gold lmao

Phil’s only advice for starting streamers: go scatter your content everywhere, stream on youtube and watch/ask streamers who acutally know what they’re doing

Fun fact: Phil’s favourite war crime is the ones he committed in smp earth lmao

PHIL WAS THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO THOSE ORPHANS

“i mean, tommy got murdered like every other day, i just threw airstrikes at him whenever i had a chance” about smp earth

(oh how the times have changed)

“would you prefer it if i looked at him? or should we ignore him. like the pleb he is.”

he was about to show us his selfportrait he did for art, but the greenscreen is covering most of it :(

“quackity is griefing your house” “oh no, anyway”

Niki raid!!

I vibe with Phil talking about tiny dog syndrome, where small dogs are just little demons lol

I’m a big dog kinda person what gave it away

people said tommy is like a tiny dog then, but tommy is funny, not just loud!!!

Phil talked about the difference between dogs and cats and my mind just went “TOMMY AND TECHNO?”

Phil once made the mistake of drinking three pints of monster energy drink with vodka rip

General advice: don’t drink them at all or at least not more that one in a day

Now everyone is just either talking about their pets or about alcohol and energy drinks (and mixes of the two lmao)

Phil doesn’t think he should be doing drunk streams anymore bc he’s got more people watching and he’s gotta be a good example :(((

(Momza says she’s always drunk tho lmao)

Phil messed up by ordering redbull vodka’s while out drinking with like,, executives back at his retail job

he probably would’ve become a manager or something if he hadn’t

(so it all worked out for the best! he’s happier now than he’d probably have been then)

Phil apparently either had to witness stuff and keep it under wraps, or just completely missed things that like, literally everyone else knew lmao

Phil talked about how Formed by Glaciers and Somewhere New are his favourite Kubbi songs while the first was palying and like,,, just immediately Somewhere New followed it up like spotify became sentient lmaoo

Time to get back to placing crying obsidian!

(also Formed by Glaciers is the song from the 5-year montage and Somewhere New from the Endlantis montage!)

uhoh he had hitboxes on and something with eyes looked at him from through the wall

“The void looks back”

ALSO the portal looks absolutely gorgeous with the crying obsidian lighting up the edges just a little bit

*que EA rant on the gambling thing* honestly i’m so glad they’ve outlawed that stuff in europe

“surprise gamemechanics” yeah suuuuure

EA sucks, to summarize

Portal with shaders looks POGGGG

Quackity raid!

chat on stream is frozen again rip

“I head you fucked up my house? Big Q?” *zooms in on face*

Phil’s played with Kristin on a backup and like, fished in endlantis and stuff “and I murdered her, but she had it coming”

Time for the obligatory explanation of the nether void again now that 20k dream smp viewers visited

And Endlantis time!

It’s so funny to see the dream smp viewers just be amazed at what a minecraft world could be, if only people fixed their creeper holes lmao

“Going for the 5-year record” *crosses fingers*

ANNNND we’re going on a warden rant again

The warden, for those who don’t know yet, is meant to literally be like a natural disaster, and it will not drop anything

Literally the only thing you can do is run away

For a moment Phil thought it was a thunder storm, but it’s just rain :(

lol it literally stopped raining as soon as he got back inside again

Enderchest tour!

also use cauldrons filled with water to get rid of being on fire in the nether (5head)

Named-items-on-the-walls tour pog

Chat is spammind “DA WINKY?” now

“Todd and Antoine. They’re save from being yeeted. for now.”

We’re just doing a full tour again lol

Including the broken not-available-anymore villager with the bookcase/book trade!

Battle of Endlantis Pog! (DEFINITELY check out the video on this one, it’s the most hype thing ever I think)

Also that dupe is still in game probs lmao

in the words of Philza himself “Tommy does not belong in government”

GARBAGE DAY

#mcyt #dream smp #philza #philza livestream

[ddaenggtan]

forever rain | knj | m

Being dead isn't anything exciting. Just a lot of walking the same halls of the same apartment day after day after day. Things change when the new tennant arrives, though. Kim Namjoon isn't anything you could have expected; not the way he's so careful and gentle with his plants because he breaks so many other things, not the way his friends joke that he's psychic because you refuse to let him get in the face one time, and certainly not the way he comes home after literal months spent moving things away from table edges for him and announces that he knows he's being haunted and he has some questions for you. You didn't know ghosts could fall in love, but he makes you feel alive again, like you're standing in the rain while thunder crashes around you. You should've known nothing good would come of falling in love with someone living, though. You should've known that heartbreak was the only way this could end...that the rain doesn't last forever. 

part of the Love Yourself Collab, please please please go check out the other fics. Everyone involved is so freaking talented and I have been vibrating out of my skin with how excited I’ve been to read all of these. 

pairing | kim namjoon x reader (unspecified gender, even!)

word count | 18.8k | cross posted to ao3

genre/warnings | ghost!reader, slight fluff, hard angst, literally the most angst ever it gets fluffy for a bit but litERALLY this is an angst fic, major character death, unprotected sex (idk what the etiquette for ghost sex is but you should still wrap it before you tap it fam), depictions of terminal illness (v mild), mentions of blood (several, but not graphic), major character death, allusions to violence, namjoon is a klutz whats new, depictions of terminal illness, major character death, i added that tag three times pls dont read this if you aren’t comf with mcd bc i literally tagged it three times so y’all would definitely see it, also probably have some tissues ready bc i cried while writing it so 

a/n | this is, to date, the saddest thing i have ever written in my entire fucking life. formal apologies to this joon bc oh my god you poor soul. i’m not kidding when i say you might cry, because i’m a big baby wuss and cried while writing the fucking outline when i first decided to write this for the collab so like......rip my own heart. i was really honored when i was approached about the LYA collab, bc like,,,,,mE? WHAT? and i was really nervous because i’ve never been part of any collabs in any fandom ever, and to have to do something like forever rain and mono as a whole justice, like,,,,,,, *screaming* y’know?? so i went on mono lockdown and just had the whole thing on repeat and was like “alright. what emotions does this make me feel.” and i eventually settled on the loneliness and isolation that he expresses, and feeling like no one understands what you’re going through, but that ultimately the album as a whole and forever rain give off this feeling of like. things get better, you’re not as alone as you feel, and you just gotta get through the bad stuff to find the good stuff. basically i just got really in my feels about it and was like ‘lets make myself cry ahahaha’ and,,,i dID i cried several times while planning and writing and editing bc im a Soft Bitch and don’t read much angst for that exact reason lmao. so buckle tf up y’all, this a helluva ride!! 

Of all the things you'd heard about death, all the different possibilities that existed in the world, the one thing you hadn't been prepared for was the boredom. You hadn't been prepared for any of it, really, too surprised by your own demise to plan at all, but even if you'd been able to, you don't think that this is what you would've counted on. An eternity - or however long ghosts existed - of being stuck in the same studio apartment you'd lived in when you died. The same walls, the same floor, the same view out the only window of the alley beside the building. It's boring and lonely and boring.

You've found more creative ways to entertain yourself as time passes. First, you started by figuring out just what being a ghost meant. You can't really communicate with anyone, haven't figured out how to make sure everything you say is heard, but you can manipulate objects pretty easily these days. The most difficult thing is becoming fully corporeal - completely visible and able to interact with things at the same time. It's hard enough to be visible, and you aren't really sure what the point of it would be when it would just scare whoever's living in your apartment; that's the last thing you want to do, run them off when they're the best source of amusement you've found.

You won't lie, you were a little offended when the first tenants moved in after you. It was difficult to watch your things get packed up and moved out by your friends, hard to lose all of the little things you loved in your apartment, like the shitty bead curtain you'd gotten as a gag gift or the photo collage of all of your loved ones. It's frustrating to not know how they're all doing these days; the one time you got brave enough to fuck with a laptop to check on them, you nearly broke the thing, and you haven't tried since. Still, it seemed cathartic for them to clear out your apartment, and it was a bittersweet sight, but you tried to focus on the positive side of it.

And then the couple moved in.

Not only did they fuck like rabbits - which is something you're going to stay pissed about, because there's no satisfaction to be had by you anymore, and it's the one thing you can think of that would be endlessly entertaining - but the couple was also grossly obnoxious. They had zero respect for your apartment , or you, and while one could argue that they didn't actually know you were there, it still made the sting of losing your entire life that much worse. You spent you don't know how many nights hovering awkwardly in the bathroom while they fucked, would constantly wander in to see them going at it on the kitchen counter at ass o'clock in the morning, and once you came in to see them tossing actual literal eggs at the ceiling like the absolute fucking weirdos they were.

So, naturally, you got a little mad. How dare they treat your apartment like that? They had no respect, but they were going to learn it real quick if they were going to live there with you, whether they wanted to or not.

They didn't last long after the first night of slamming cabinets and squealing hinges, but the thrown picture frame of their family was the conclusive end to their stay.

There have been others, since then. They haven't all been terrible, not like that first couple, but most of them have been sub-par roommates, and if you decided early on that if the rest of your immortal life is going to be locked in one shitty apartment with the absolute worst view in the city - because no one wants to see the drunken hookups and potential body dumps that take place in that alley - then you're at least going to share said apartment with someone nice to exist with.

You release a heavy sigh, staring at where your hand disappears through the shower wall. You've taken to testing the boundaries of the apartment again; you already know what the result will be, learned in the first few hours that you're stuck here, but you can't help trying when you get really bored. You just got distracted fucking around with the pipes in the meantime, because you're literally too bored to even focus. It's part of why you miss the last tenants so much, because you weren't ever really bored with them around.

A single mother and her two kids, crammed into a much-too-small apartment because it was all they could afford, and they were the light of your un-life. One a budding teenager that wrote angsty poetry who loved your trick of making things float around, and one an adorable toddler who adored playing peekaboo with you and coloring, and a mom that was too busy to notice anything out of the ordinary. It was like having a family again, made you feel useful when you could pull the meat out of the freezer for her to make dinner with or scratch a quick 'do your homework' on a steamy bathroom mirror. It was fun and it made being dead that much more bearable.

You really should've known that letting the toddler draw the two of you would be a bad idea, especially since there were several artistic liberties taken. It's not your fault the kid thought you'd look cool with fangs and bloody holes instead of eyes and claws that reached the floor. It was art, it was supposed to be a little different from reality. Still, you can't blame her for seeing the picture of her kid and 'my new best friend' and immediately calling the landlord. And a priest.

So, perhaps you gave the apartment a bit of a reputation. Maybe it's been a couple of months since the mom moved out and took your two buds with her. There might be the possibility that you've been the slightest bit salty about losing your friends and you've been extra-ghost-y whenever someone comes by to view the place in an attempt to make yourself feel a little better. Can you really be blamed for that? You just want a decent damn roommate for your life after death, and if that means putting the potentials through a little bit of a test, then so be it. You only feel a little bit bad for the landlord.

The creak of the front door pulls you from your thoughts, and the echo of a voice makes you narrow your eyes. Your first instinct is to slam some windows to scare off whoever's in your apartment, but you repress the urge. You'd die of boredom if you could die again, and whoever this is could provide a few hours' entertainment at the least.

You pop your head through the bathroom wall to see what's going on, and wow , who let an actual giant into your apartment? Fucking with the pipes could definitely wait for this guy.

"I know it's last minute, yeah," He says into the phone that's held carefully between his cheek and shoulder. His arms are loaded down with boxes and he's angled away from you just enough that you can't see his face, but he's tall and broad and wearing what looks like the world's comfiest sweater, and you want to badly to wrap yourself up in him. "But you know Joon needs the help. Don't pretend you aren't constantly willing to put off your thesis, I know for a fact that you went out to look at stationery with Tae last week, and everyone knows that's the most boring thing on the planet."

He's quiet, listening to the soft crackle of a voice from the other end. You slide through the wall completely, hovering as close as you dare to try and hear what the other person is saying. Tall, Broad, and Comfy scoffs.

"He can stare at one sheet of paper for at least ten minutes, Yoongi. Do I need to remind you of the time he spent an entire fucking hour debating which set of holiday scrapbook to buy because, and I quote, 'this one has the really nice rose pattern on it that would look great with the invitations, but, oh, look at the pinstripes in this one!'" His voice morphs into what you guess is an approximation of whoever Tae is, and you laugh at the high-pitched, nasally tone.

Tall and Broad spins, eyes narrowing as he looks around the room, and fuck , he's literally gorgeous. You've never seen someone more attractive in your life or your death and it would probably knock the wind out of you if you actually had breath. Comfy McGorgeous turns back around and sets the stack of boxes in the corner, continuing his tirade about Tae and stationery while simultaneously trying to talk Yoongi into coming, you assume, to help Joon move. You don't know who any of these people are, but they're already proving to be the most entertaining bunch that's ever graced these walls.

The door to your apartment flies open, making both you and Boyfriend Material whip your head around.

"Christ, Jin, you couldn't hold the fucking door open for us?" Someone grunts. Beauty Von Softness - or, Jin, as you should probably refer to him - winces and strides over to do just that as two more guys stagger in with a couch suspended between them. The second they're in the door they drop it to the ground and flop onto it, panting and sweaty.

"Listen, I was busy trying to get our resident hermit out of his cave to help us carry some of this shit," Jin spits back. "And you all know what it's like getting him out and about."

"Did you tell him that there's pizza after we're done? Because I've found that food is the best motivator for him," the guy closest to the door says. His hair is soft-looking and long and you wish you could pet it.

The other guy, the one who cursed Jin out and has the softest pink hair you've ever seen, laughs. "Jeongguk, you always think the best motivator is food."

"Well, yeah, because it is."

"For you, maybe. Other people require actual rewards."

"But food is a reward," Jeongguk mutters into the fabric of the couch. Jin tsks and smacks As Yet Unnamed on the back of the head.

"You're lucky I hung up on him when you bombarded your way into this place, or he'd definitely not come help us," Jin says as he leans against the back of the couch.

Unnamed starts to say something else but is cut off by someone running straight into the end of the couch. They all shoot to their feet, spouting apologies as the three of them maneuver the couch into the apartment properly.

"Sorry, sorry, Jimin distracted us from properly finishing our job," Jeongguk says quickly. He looks to the stranger with a small apologetic smile, and you're pretty sure if it were humanly possible, there would be actual literal stars in his eyes.

"Oh, it's okay, Jeonggukkie. I should've been looking where I was going." New Challenger walks straight towards where you stand, and you realize seconds before it's too late that he is not aware there is a massive stack of boxes in his path. Instinctively, you shove them to the side with your foot. Tall And Oblivious sets his boxes down without any trouble, none the wiser about any of it, and the three near the couch are too busy bickering in hushed whispers to have noticed you doing anything.

The newcomer straightens and turns to look at them all with a bright smile, and you think you might actually see The Light in the way his cheeks dimple. If you thought the other three were beautiful - which they are, no doubt about that, you're seriously wondering why the hell a bunch of supermodels are moving stuff into your apartment - then this guy is easily an Actual Fucking God or something. His brown hair is soft and shiny, his smile is warmer than the sun, and you're fairly positive that for the first time since you died, you feel goosebumps along your arms.

"Seriously, Namjoon, we should've realized you'd be up soon. You stay, start unpacking while we go get the rest of the furniture." Jimin shoves Jeongguk out the door while he's speaking, ignoring the taller's complaints, and Jin just shakes his head at the sight.

"Yoongi'll be here soon, he's finishing up another draft of his thesis. Hobi and Tae are stopping to get the pizzas and then they'll be here, too." Jin's voice is calmer than it was Jimin and Jeongguk, more soothing, and it makes you curious. Not only because of the tone change, but because you know Hobi, he owns the building and is the one who rented you the apartment when you first moved in. One of your favorite things to do is scare him when he comes by to make sure everything’s ready for a viewing.

"What? No, I said I was gonna pay for pizzas!" Namjoon looks distinctly more upset about this than someone should over not having to pay for pizza, at least in your mind, and it only makes you more curious.

"Yeah, but you also just moved out of your old apartment because it was too expensive, and had like an hour to load everything into a truck, so you're gonna let their trust fund asses pay for pizzas. We're seven adult men, and Guk could eat an entire horse and still be hungry. I'm not letting you pay for that."

Silence hangs in the apartment for a while before Namjoon gives a soft thanks to Jin. They share a smile before Jin makes his way back out. You follow each step, shadowing him all the way to the door before you're stopped. You lean your entire body forward, struggling against the invisible barrier keeping you inside, and the force of it nearly slams you back into the wall when you sag in defeat.

You aren't sure why you try anymore, but you know yourself well enough to admit that you're not going to stop until you can at least make it to the hallway.

Whatever you expected Namjoon to be like as a roommate, however unknowing he is about the situation, you don't think you could've guessed what he's actually like.

Out of the seven boys you saw the day he moved in, he's the only one living there. Not a complete surprise, considering it's a studio apartment, but you remember when there were nine people living there at one point, and there was barely room for anyone to breathe even if it had been pretty consistently amusing. Still, for one person, he's got a ton of stuff, and it's a shock it all fits. His bed is massive and comfortable and the best place to lay during the day because it's shoved between the brick half-wall and the large windows that take up one wall. The area's supposed to be for a dining table, you think, but you'd had your bed there, too, and the familiarity is nice.

His couch is small and old but manages to fit five of them, and it's a pleasantly jarring difference from the coffee table that looks like - and might actually be - an old steamer trunk. The exposed brick wall you love holds his mounted TV, a feat that took Jeongguk and Yoongi a solid hour and a half because they kept stripping the screws, and it's got one of those 8-cubicle bookshelf things under it that stores a frankly obnoxious amount of books.

He's got mugs for days, an adorable if odd collection of figurines and mini-statues scattered around the apartment, a strange obsession with some reclaimed wood shelf he's got hanging above his bed, but the absolute highlight of it all is The Wall.

It took them three hours to get it installed and set up the way he wanted, between the placements and the thick wooden shelf they’re perched on with supports and a small safety bar along the edge to keep them from falling off, but along the entire windowed wall and partway after it turns the corner runs a long shelf absolutely covered in plants. There are some elsewhere, like the one he keeps hanging from the bathroom ceiling and the couple in the kitchen, but most are on The Wall. Each one is in its own special pot, each a unique color with a name painted carefully along it, and most of them look half-dead. They're all distinct and unique from each other and they all surely have different needs and ideal conditions, but you'd never guess because Namjoon is so wholly committed to them all. He takes time every day to water them and prune them if he needs to, he checks on them constantly. He even reinforced the safety bar for the ones that sit beside his bed, so there was less chance he'd accidentally knock them around while sleeping.

It's fascinating, watching him tend to them. He's so careful and gentle, with absolute precision in every moment. He cares for his plants the way some people would care for a pet or a child. He doesn’t believe any of them are past caring for, slowly nurses all of them back to health and frequently turns up with more he’s saved from some department store. The most endearing thing, though, you decide as you sit curled among the haphazard blankets of his bed and watch, is the talking. It's every day, for as long as it takes him to care for the plants, and it's the cutest thing in the world. He's talking to some succulent as you just stare at him, filling the comfortable silence of the apartment with his soft, soothing voice, and you wish he could hear you when you talk back to him.

"I know they mean well, but at some point, I've just gotta live my own life, y'know? I can't study something just because everyone expects me to, and I can't pursue some dream just because people think I'd be good at it. I've gotta do what's right for me, don't I?" His tone is positive and bright, a contrast to the gloomy sky that casts shadows across the apartment.

You float over, hovering beside him to look at the plant he's lovingly stroking with his thumb. It's in a pretty periwinkle pot, with the name 'Mang' painted in careful but shaky black handwriting. It's not your favorite - that's the one in the bathroom that hangs over its light blue bowl, a quickly scrawled 'Koya' on the bottom - but it seems to be one of Namjoon's personal favorites based on how often he talks to it specifically.

"I think it's nice you do things for yourself," You tell him. He doesn't react, unable to hear you, but it's nice to hear your own voice after so long. You slide one of the plants - Chim, in a small yellow bowl - to the side and away from his elbow, and he doesn't notice. "You know yourself better than they do. You should trust yourself."

He keeps mumbling to Mang, something about everyone following their own dreams and doing what they need over what people want or expect, when you lay your hand over his.

Thunder cracks through the sky and the first raindrops hits the window as your non-existent skin hits his, and it's the most real thing you've felt in a long time. It's as if the scent of ozone and electricity is in the apartment itself, crackling in your hair and filling your nose with the overpowering scent of the sweet summer rain. You can almost feel the water hit your skin, the way the wind whips at your hair, and it's so intoxicating that you almost miss the sharp inhale from the man beside you.

He's not looking at his plant when you look up, but instead at the window in front of the two of you. You glance at it, and for a fraction of a second, you can see yourself in the reflection. The glimpse has you jerking towards it before you can stop yourself, desperate to know if something has changed. You haven't seen your reflection since you died, not in the mirror or the window or the toaster, and maybe, just maybe, it means something's changed.

Your hand stops against the glass of the window as you reach forward. You can't feel the cool of it under your palm, but it's no less a barrier for you as it would be for Namjoon. Something in you breaks as you watch the raindrops race each other to the ground.

"Ah, I forgot the forecast called for rain today," he mutters, eyes focused on the lightning that streaks by. He doesn't react when your fist slams against the glass, nor when you let out the scream that's been building in you for however long it's been since you died. You're so close, not even a hair's breadth from feeling something new yet familiar for the first time in so long, and you can't. You're still stuck in these four walls, unable to even reach the air outside.

You just want to feel the rain again.

You move dejectedly away from the window, ignoring the way Namjoon shivers as you pass. The temperature in the apartment has dropped considerably, you think, between the storm and your own mood. You can't tell, really. You haven't felt warm or cold or hungry or anything since you died that isn't the oppressive loneliness of life after death.

A dry sob tears itself from your throat and you hurry to hide in the bathroom as Namjoon turns to look around him. He mumbles something you can't hear and after a few minutes, he returns to tending to his plants, leaving you to your tear-less cries in peace.

It becomes quickly apparent to you that Namjoon should really have a roommate, if only to save him from himself. It takes a few weeks for you to realize this, but luckily he seems to narrate his life as he goes through it - which is overwhelmingly adorable to you, and you refuse to acknowledge that - and that means that you hear it every time he goes, "Ah, Namjoon, be more careful next time," or "Oh, shoot, that's not, fuck, I gotta buy more eggs now." It's painful to watch, even for you, and at some point, you just couldn't take it anymore. No one else is around to help, but someone needs to you, and clearly the universe means for you to be that someone.

It's a full-time job, protecting him from himself. You've saved countless mugs, pushing them farther away from the edges of counters and tables, and been just in time to shove bowls or vases an inch over so that his elbows glide harmlessly past them. It's almost exhausting, if you could get tired you would, but it's worth it, you think, as you catch the bookshelf under the TV as it tilts. You slide it gently to the floor, glad that Namjoon is distracted by how close he came to losing a toe to notice.

Because that's the other thing about this tree of a man: he's the most oblivious person you've ever fucking seen. It doesn't matter what it is you do, whether it's bouncing his spray bottle of water so it doesn't break on the hard floor or shake the counters so that the knife he's about to drop on his fucking hand falls the other way, he doesn't see a single fucking thing. You'd think he was blind if he wasn't so attentive to the way his plants grow. He notices nothing and you're glad for it because you really aren't sure what he would do if he knew you were going around haunting him just to keep him alive. You just want to help, want to keep the soft smile he wears more often around for as long as possible.

You don't dare to look into why you want that, too afraid of what you might find there.

It's also just fun to watch him and his friends, relaxed and unreserved. You never had many friends when you were alive, just a small handful that you really truly loved and whom you miss every day. Watching these seven boys fills you with nostalgia and a strange sense of joy because they really are some of the funniest people you've ever been around.

Like now, with four of them sprawled on the couch while Jeongguk and Hoseok make themselves comfortable leaning against the bookshelf under the TV - which has been bolted to the wall since it almost broke Namjoon's foot - and Namjoon watches them all from his bed since it's the only other place to sit. There are beer bottles scattered around and decorating the half-wall that separates the bed from the room proper, everyone is varying levels of drunk, and you're curled up close to Namjoon, leaning against the wall so you can stop him from knocking over any of the bottles nearby because you know him too well at this point.

"I'm just saying, I don't understand why they made him so over-powered in the new movies, because he's supposed to be some kid from Brooklyn! Giving him the high-tech suit essentially strips him of the friendly neighborhood persona that he's always relied on!" Jeongguk has been ranting for a while about the newest release in the Spiderman franchise - apparently, he's part of the actual Avengers now, which is a shock to you since the last thing you heard before you died was that the franchise was canceled until further notice or something.

"And I'm saying that if they didn't give him the suit then it would've made no sense how he was able to do those things," Yoongi responds. You're pretty sure he's just arguing to be contrary at this point, because you remember him telling Namjoon the other day that he prefers DC over Marvel.

"Garfield's Spiderman could do those things," you mutter, "And he didn't have a fancy suit."

"Okay, then how do you explain Andrew Garfield's version being able to do that stuff? He doesn't need the suit, he never has!" You preen at the way Jeongguk echoes your thoughts. "I'm telling you, I don't care how good the relationship with Holland's Spidey and Iron Man is, by giving him the tech and the advancements they did, they've undermined everything that Spiderman is supposed to be about."

"Jeongguk come off it, everyone knows Garfield's Spidey was just all bad writing. I mean, what kind of person can do all that stuff, realistically? He's the one that really needed the Stark suit." Taehyung's voice is slurred and quiet, definitely as drunk as the rest of them. 

"What-! No! I could do half of that without being bitten by a weird science spider!" Jin scoffs at Jeongguk's words. 

"Yeah, sure, Guk. The same way you can do that bottlecap challenge."

"Bottle cap challenge, and yeah, I could!" The youngest stands and you don't bother to hide your grimace. 

"This isn't going to end well, is it?" You ask. No one acknowledges you, too busy finding something Jeongguk can kick the cap off of as the boy readies himself. He's steady on his feet but his face is red and he can't seem to stop giggling. 

"If I do this, you gotta call me SpiderGuk from now on, okay?" He says. No one agrees, but it doesn't stop him from laughing again and doing a couple of roundhouse kicks to warm up. 

"Okay, okay, Joonie doesn't have any regular water bottles, but we found a screw-top beer in the fridge so ya gotta use that," Jimin says as he stumbles over with said bottle. Jeongguk just nods, an adorable focused expression on his face. Jimin holds the bottle in the air, and you can already tell his grip isn't tight enough to keep the bottle still when Jeongguk kicks it. 

The next ten seconds happen in slow-motion. Jeongguk's leg flies out to kick but his drunken body isn't able to handle the sudden shift in balance, and he slips. His foot hits the bottle slightly too low, and it goes flying out of Jimin's weak grip into the air. Everyone in the room watches as it hurtles straight towards Namjoon's face, and you react out of habit and instinct, catching it in one hand before you even realize you've moved. 

Everyone freezes, staring at where the bottle hovers in front of Namjoon's face. You're the only one able to see your fingers wrapped around it. A shock jolts through you at the realization of what you've done and you drop the bottle as if it burned you. Fuck, they were all going to freak, then Namjoon would move out and you'd be stuck alone once more. You should've just shoved him out of the way, what were you thinking, you're so fucking stupid-

"Dude," Hoseok mutters from where he's perched on the arm of the couch. "Holy shit, Joon, you're fucking telepathic." 

Yoongi rolls his eyes and smacks his chest. "Telekinetic, you fucking-"

"Holy shit, you've got fucking superpowers!" Jeongguk squeaks. "Do it again!"

Namjoon isn't even able to get a word out before there's a book flying at his face, and you panic. You can't catch it, too rushed, but you manage to deflect it so it hits the bed with a soft thump instead of braining Namjoon straight in the nose. 

"Woah, you really do have superpowers," Jimin whispers. He lobs a bottlecap at Namjoon, and you catch it in your palm before letting it drop onto the half-wall. 

"I don't have...what the fuck you guys," Namjoon insists. His eyes are as wide as saucers behind the thick glasses he has on. He looks freaked out and you want nothing more than to hug him. Your hand reaches out of its own accord, halfway closing the distance to stroke his hair before you catch yourself. 

"Hey, levitate your plants," Jin demands. Namjoon looks panicked as he glances at the wall of plants, and you heave a sigh. With any luck, they're so drunk that they'll remember this as a strange fever dream, but you can't just let them keep throwing things at him. You crawl over to the wall, avoiding Namjoon as you do, and grasp one of the plants tight. It's a white pot with red polka dots, a simple RJ on the side, and it's fucking heavy. You only get it a few inches off the shelf before you're forced to put it down.

"Oh my god, catch this!" Taehyung throws a coffee mug straight at Namjoon's head and you panic again. You catch it, and you've decided you're fucking sick of them throwing things at him, so you lob it back and dart across the room to bounce it safely to the counter before it can break. 

Everyone in the room stares at the mug and then looks back at Namjoon, who hasn't moved from his spot on the bed. 

"Oh my god, you're a superhero," Jeongguk whispers, awe in his eyes. 

"That's fucked up," Yoongi mutters, wincing when Hoseok elbows him. 

"Maybe we should get some sleep," Namjoon says quietly. The others look like they want to disagree with him, and you have no doubt they want to explore the newfound 'abilities' of their friend, but they still start gathering trash together before they head out. 

Namjoon lays awake for a long time that night, glasses folded and sitting atop the half-wall beside you. He's oblivious to the way you watch him, too lost in thought to feel the weight of your stare or the chill in the air. 

"I don't understand," He says after a while. "I really don't, but there's got to be a reason for it." He doesn't elaborate, merely turns over and evens his breathing out until he starts snoring, but you watch him for most of the night. He's fascinating, this human, and you wonder what makes him so different from the others you've met. 

He apparently decides to experiment. You've known Namjoon is intelligent since he first moved in and you saw his collectible encyclopedias, but you hadn't realized just what it would be like in actuality. 

It starts simple. He'll toss something in the air and let it clatter to the ground. Nothing big, just little things like pencils or bottlecaps, and not far, just enough that his eyes narrow as he apparently tries to use his telekinetic abilities to manipulate them. 

It slowly graduates from there. Next comes the way he stares at something across the room, hyper-focused on whatever it is until you notice and move it around for him. It's a guessing game, sometimes, trying to figure out just what he wants to move or how he wants to move it, but each time you're successful, he smiles so brightly, dimples on full display. Who wouldn't want to make him smile like that?

It's hit or miss, sometimes. You're only so strong, and while you've had a lot of practice, you still get tired. You lifted his bookshelf almost a full inch before blacking out. Next thing you knew, a couple of days had passed and Namjoon was staring at a coffee mug. That was a significantly less fun day; between losing time and having to catch coffee mug after coffee mug, you were exhausted and a little shaken. 

So when he stops staring at things for extended periods of time, when he starts to go back to reading and scrolling the internet and bingeing all the completed shows that Netflix and Amazon had to offer, you're grateful for it. He still occasionally tests it out; he's always subtle about it, choosing to stare quietly until you notice and make whatever it is float around for a minute. Once you wandered around looking for him - a feat in a studio apartment - and found him just sitting on the bathroom floor, staring at a shampoo bottle.

You'd like to say that you don't move things entirely because he wants you to. It's a good test of your abilities and how far you can push yourself until it becomes too much, and it's always nice to have actual evidence that you still exist - in some form, at least - in the world. The validation that comes from seeing him smile every time you lift a pencil or slide a coffee mug to the side, it's not for any reason but the satisfaction of knowing that you have some kind of existence. Some kind of impact on the world, even if you can't be seen and can't leave the apartment.

It's part of why you start moving things around yourself more often; you're hoping he just blames it on his overactive 'abilities' if he notices because you really aren't sure what he would think otherwise. But you also know for a fact that just seeing that you have some kind of sway over the world still - over the things inside this tiny apartment - makes you feel just that bit better about being dead.

Which is why it's such a fucking shock when the door to the apartment slams open one evening just for Namjoon to slam it closed again and announce into the air, "So I know you're haunting me, please don't try to deny it, I only want to talk to you."

You freeze where you are, halfway through the closet door from where you were reorganizing his clothes because they made no sense and you were bored. He's looking around the apartment, almost desperate in the way he's searching, and you can't bring yourself to move. It's obvious he can't see you, and you aren't even sure if he's being serious, but the way he huffs and clenches his jaw before moving into the kitchen tells you that he probably is.

You follow him, curious, and watch as he pulls a small package out of his bag and starts ripping it open. You float the remains of what looks like gift wrap over to the trashcan, because you know Namjoon will forget, before going back to watching him. He's only a little careful as he cracks something in his hands and then slaps it onto the fridge, and you peek around him to see that it's some kind of words or something. There’s a wide variety, with no clear theme to them, as well as at least one of each letter of the alphabet. It's then you remember the throwaway comment Yoongi made during that night - "You need, like, poetry stuff, like those magnets that go on the fridge that people write that deep shit with, y'know? I'm gonna buy you one," - and realize that he'd followed through on his vow. 

"Alright," Namjoon says, leaning against his kitchen counter and staring at the magnets. "First and foremost, am I really being haunted or is this some kind of hallucination?" His gaze never falters, doesn’t ever drift from the magnetic words now spread across his fridge doors. It takes several minutes to build up the energy and the courage to move closer to the fridge.

You don't look at him as you move the words around, but you can hear the sharp intake of breath. That's likely all the confirmation that he needs, but still you clear a spot and let the words ' I am here ' sit where he can see them clearly. You wrinkle your nose, disliking how formal it sounds, but you have to make do, you suppose.

"Okay," Namjoon breathes. "Okay, prove it. My brain could work this into a hallucination. How do I know you're really a ghost?"

"Seriously?" You huff. "What the fuck am I supposed to do that wouldn't work into a hallucination, dude?"

He gets fidgety in the few minutes that you spend wondering how the fuck you're going to prove that you're a real actual ghost to someone who clearly doesn't believe in them. His foot taps at the floor and he scratches at his hand, which only makes you want to wrap your own hands around his until he stops, much like your best friend used to lay her legs across your lap to get you to stop shaking your knee.

The realization comes in a flash, and you're moving letters around before you can stop yourself.

Face book, Park Jihyo, best friend.

Namjoon stares at it for a long while before he brings his phone out of his pocket and begins to tap at the screen. You don't get too close; you've got a history with shorting out electronics, and you aren't sure you want to know what your best friend is up to without you there with her.

"Okay," Namjoon says. "Okay, I've never seen her before, so I don't think my brain could work her into a hallucination. Okay. Alright. I'm being haunted. This is fine."

"Calm down, I'm haunting the apartment, not you." He doesn't react to your words, as usual, but it still makes you feel the slightest bit better. He stares at his phone for a little longer, and the curiosity burns under your skin, but you resist. You know from experience that if you try to get too close, his phone will stop working. Just like TV, the stereo, the laptops, everything. You've had enough experience with that kind of thing to know what will happen.

"Okay, Casper," Namjoon huffs out after several minutes of waiting. He looks up and his eyes dart around the apartment, and you wonder if he's just nervous or if he's trying to spot you. "Where are you right now? Can you make yourself visible? I mean, I know you're a ghost, but it feels rude not talking to you to your face."

You huff a laugh but reach for a coffee cup. You know you can't just make yourself visible at will; you've only done it a couple of times, to your knowledge, and none of them have been on purpose. It's even more difficult to make yourself corporeal and physical, harder than just manipulating objects, but you did it once. Back when the single mom still lived here, when her toddler was falling and you had no way to cushion the fall except with your own body; you still aren't sure how it happened, but you remember being able to feel the floor against your back and the warmth of the baby on top of you for a split second before you were gone again. You won't forget that any time soon.

You float the mug towards where you stand, holding it in front of your face long enough that when you pull it away, Namjoon's eyes don't follow it. It's a strange feeling; you know he can't see you, can tell by the way his brow furrows and his eyes slide around the space, but it feels like he's looking straight at you. It feels like you're being seen for the first time since you died.

"So, where are you from, Casper?" His tone is forcibly conversational, as if he's trying his best to keep himself calm. You roll your eyes and move the magnets to show ' here ' and he nods. "You're not gonna try to possess me, or kill me, or run me off, are you? No offense or anything. I figure you would've already at this point, but...cover my bases."

No. Am nice. I think.

"You think? You don't know if you're a nice ghost?"

Does anyone truly know if they are nice? You frown, trying to figure out how to say what you want to say with the limited words available. I can only try. It's still not perfect; there's more that you want to say, more that you want to be heard, but this has to do for now.

"I can accept that. Alright. Just talking to a ghost in my kitchen. Okay. This is totally normal." He rubs a hand over his face, and you're a little impressed. Everyone else that's lived here has freaked when presented with the knowledge that you're a ghost. Namjoon looks very much like his world is exploding, but he doesn't have the same fear and apprehension in his eyes. He's certainly coping better than the single mom.

"Are you the only ghost? Here, I mean, are you the only ghost here?" He breathes a sigh of relief at your 'yes.’ "Can you see other ghosts? Do you know any other ghosts?" The 'don't know, no' that you move around on your fridge seems to unsettle him a little, but there's a curiosity burning behind it that makes your skin tingle.

Can't leave, is what you say next, cutting off whatever question he was about to ask.

"You can't leave at all? The building, or the apartment?"

The second.

"Wow. You're really stuck here?" He looks around the apartment as if seeing it for the first time and sucks in a breath. "What do you do all day?"

Watch. He cocks a brow. You are... You hesitate. The word you need isn't there, everything that comes to you is too poetic or corny for you to actually say, but the weight of his eyes is heavy on your hands. Fun is what you settle on, but it's not right either. 'Interesting' isn't there, nor is 'fascinating' or 'lovely,' and you don't want to scare him off by telling him that part of the reason you watch him so much is that he's so full of life that you feel less dead when he's around.

He laughs at your words though and shakes his head ever so slightly. "Alright, well, I'm gonna shower, so just, don't...watch that?" You squawk at the insinuation that you would, quickly rearranging the letters to spell ' privacy' and making a large angry face out of the rest of the words. He's already turned away, though, and it makes you angrier.

You don't want him thinking that you would peep at him. You already make sure that you're facing the windows when he finishes showering, you've been determined to not be creepy since the day he moved in, and to have him think otherwise is like a slap in the face. You slam the mug against the counter and he startles, turning to gape at it. You carry it to where your words and make-do emoji sit waiting for him to notice them.

"Okay," He says quickly. "Okay, privacy, yeah, got it. You respect my privacy. Appreciated."

"How fucking rude," You mutter as you set the mug back down. You don't adjust the magnets as he disappears into the bathroom. You want him to see them, want him to be reminded of the fact that being dead doesn't mean you don't have basic decency.

You can't get him to shut up now that he knows you're there. He still forgets sometimes, mostly when he's talking to his plants or narrating the way he carefully constructs some origami creation, but more often than not, he's talking to thin air. He spends a lot of time perched on his counter, watching you move magnets around his fridge through the thick lenses of his glasses before he spouts off some other question for you to answer. 

He covers the basics first: how old you were when you died, when your birthday is, your favorite color, what you were studying in school, and of course your name, though he insists on calling you Casper. You aren't sure why but you also don't get a chance to question it, because he hits you with more and more questions every day. Sometimes you don't answer because you can't, too limited by the poetry magnets to be able to really converse; sometimes you just don't have the energy to move the magnets around, but those are days are rare. The only times you use the tired magnet are when you find your limbs too heavy to move, weighed down with the memories of what it meant to be alive. 

Those are the bad days, but his questions make them just a little easier.

"How do you move around? Do you just float everywhere?" Walking, but different. No weight. Soft.

"How are you able to manipulate things in my world? Are they different from things in your world?" Focus. Takes time. Same.

"Do you sleep at all? Do ghosts dream?" No sleep. Just existing.

"You don't eat, do you? Should I be stocking up on snacks for you?" No. Save your sustenance. "What was the last thing you ate?" Don't remember. "Huh. I hope it was something good." Same.

"Were you ever in a relationship?" Once. A long time before. "Do you miss them?" Not anymore.

"What did you do while you were alive?" School. "Oh, really? Do you remember what you studied?" Boring. Important then, but it made me forget to live. Not important now. Namjoon goes quiet for a long moment after this one, staring out the window at something you can't see. He nods but doesn't ask any more questions, and he reads for the rest of the night.

It only takes a couple of weeks for both you and Namjoon to get tired of standing in his kitchen fucking around on the fridge. His legs get tired and he gets distracted by his thoughts, and you can barely keep up with the rapid-fire questions you get.

So Namjoon buys one of those cheap cookie sheets with the slightest lip at the edge and dumps the magnets on that. He leaves it on the coffee table, usually, there for you to pick up if he asks something but out of the way for when he stretches out to nap lazily in the afternoon sun.

You like the cookie sheet more than the fridge. He watches you as you work out your responses, can see the way you start to move one word before moving another instead; it makes it feel more like a conversation.

It becomes a favorite pass-time of Namjoon's, curling on the couch and putting some sort of music on in the background and just talking to you. A lot of nights his questions stop with a lingering silence from one or both of you; yours because you don't have the ability to share the words running rampant through your mind, and his for reasons still unknown to you. Still, you've missed it. You've missed talking to someone, being heard when you speak, having someone ask how you are at the end of the day.

It's the little things.

"You said you can't leave, right, Casper?" Namjoon's curled up on his couch, tucked into the arm with a blanket thrown over his lap, a mug of something warm in his hands to combat the chill of the season, and some R&B track playing lightly from his phone. You knock your fist against the cookie once - a sign for yes that you'd both agreed on. "So, are you just always here then? You don't go anywhere else?"

"Fuck, how do I explain this?" You mutter. You stare at the magnets in front of you for a long time before rearranging them. Not always. Tired sometimes, disappear.

"Disappear?" He reads. "What do you mean? You just, what, stop existing?"

Don't know, you respond. Only happens when tired. When used too much of me. He hums an acknowledgment, eyes focused on where the cookie sheet sits on the couch between you. You? What entertains you?

"Everything," he answers without hesitation. "I'm trying to work through my stack of books I want to read and finish all the shows I'm interested in, but the guys would have my head if I didn't get out and do things like a normal person."

That's where you leave to?

"Yeah." He sets his mug - now empty - on the coffee table and settles into the blankets. He looks cozy and soft and you would wrap yourself up with him if you could. "I take a lot of walks, and bike rides. I like to see the river, the trees, all the animals that live there. The beach is always fun, I get to see all the crabs and whatnot that wander in and out of the ocean."

"I wish I could go with you," you whisper.

Fun is what you spell on your sheet.

"I guess," he mutters. "It's enjoyable, at least. I'll bring you some souvenirs, or pictures next time."

You let the sheet settle on the couch as he turns the TV on, setting up a drama that he's on recently. He doesn't say anything else for a few hours, waits until the sound of rain hits the windows and stifles the apartment in an otherworldly haze.

"How long have you been dead?" His voice lingers in the air. You've been expecting these questions, and you're honestly impressed he's held them back for as long as he has. That angsty teen hadn't hesitated a single second to start asking you questions.

A while. Years. I think .

"Do you ever get tired of being a ghost?" There's something in his voice that you can't place, something that tells you this is more than just his usual morbid curiosity. Every part of your soul - whatever's left of it, anyway - is screaming at you to lie to him, to tell him that no, being a ghost is great. You've never wished he could hear you more than this moment, when all you want to is wrap your arms around him and ask him why he looks so much older than he is.

Sometimes, you tell him. It is lonely here, and boring. Fun to be unseen, but unable to do much more.

He nods like that makes all the sense in the world to him, and he brings the blanket up around his shoulders. "Do you ever miss your friends, or your family?"

Would you not? He huffs out an unamused chuckle, nodding again.

"Yeah," He says softly. "Yeah, I would. Do you want me to help you check on them? See what they're up to?" The single knock that echoes in the room is deafening to you, filled with a hope that you haven't felt in years. You've never let yourself think about them for long; if you did, you don't think you'd be able to come back from whatever that place is that you disappear to when things become Too Much.

Namjoon pulls his phone closer and starts fiddling with it. He doesn't hesitate when he types in your name, and you feel an emotional blush fill you when you see that he doesn't even have to finish typing for your profile to pop up. You glance at him, the way his brows are furrowed behind his glasses and his tongue pokes into his cheek just a little while he concentrates, and you wonder how many times he's looked at the pictures of you when you were alive. How many times has he scrolled through, reading the words people shared after you were gone, scrolling through the grief and loss to get to the words you posted yourself, the little snippets of your daily life that you would give anything to be able to relive?

"Do I still look like that?" You wonder aloud. As expected, he doesn't react, just continues tapping at his phone.

You two spend the rest of the night like that, each curled at opposite ends of the couch while Namjoon slowly looks up your friends and family and updates you on each of them. Jihyo got married, to someone she'd gone on a date with a few weeks before you passed, and she's apparently trying to start having kids; Your mother and father aren't very active, but they never were. They both share pictures of you when you were a baby each year on your birthday, and more recent photos of you on the anniversary. They have a dog now. It's cute. You wonder if it helps them cope with the loss.

Your other friends are doing well, too; most of them are still figuring out their lives, but it seems like all of them are settling in their skin and finding comfort in who they are. They're out there, navigating the world and doing things they enjoy, meeting new friends and making new memories.

You stand by the window for a long time, cookie sheet of magnetized words pressed against your chest as if you can feel the cool of the metal against your skin, and watch rain drip down the panes as you imagine what your life could have been.

You can always hear Namjoon before you see him. He whistles as he walks down the sidewalk, his small way of letting you know he's on his way back from wherever he's gone that day, and today isn't an exception. Relief sags through you and you move away from the windows, let your fingers trail against the ceramic of the newest succulent he'd bought, and head towards the kitchen. The kettle is turned on and heating a few moments later while you pull a mug down from your cabinet and set it carefully on the counter where Namjoon will see it.

It's a regular routine, for the two of you. He heads out, usually in the early morning after turning on some music or a show for you, and when he comes back, you make sure there's hot water for his tea or cocoa or whatever he feels like drinking that day. The sound of his whistling gets louder the closer he gets, a simple way to let you know he's safe and he's home. You glance through the cabinets and quickly make a note on the fridge that he needs to buy more of his special tea blend soon.

The lock turns and you smile, waiting patiently as Namjoon saunters into the apartment. He sets something down on the kitchen counter just as the kettle starts to scream, and you wait while he pours the water and gets it ready.

"The cherry blossoms bloomed," He says. You grin. "They look great. I got some really nice pictures while I was there, I'll show you tonight. I was thinking we could try to finish Voltron tonight if you want. We'll have to go back an episode though, I think I fell asleep during the last one." You knock once against the counter beside you, and he turns with a wide grin to glance at the spot where you stand.

It's ridiculous for your heart to speed up in your chest, for the hair on the back of your neck to rise, for breath to catch in your throat; you don't have a heartbeat, you don't have breath, you're a shadow of the person you used to be, and yet...

And yet, seeing his dimpled smile focused so naturally on where you are, as if it's just second-nature, is like a breath of fresh air after years underwater. It smells like flowers, like dirt and earth and a new beginning. It feels like you're alive again, and you don't want it to end, but too soon he's turning away to finish steeping the tea. Something lingers in the air for a moment after but it's gone too soon for you to place it.

You both settle on the couch, Namjoon tucking whatever he brought home with him under his arm, between his body and the arm of his ratty old couch. Your cookie sheet is in its place on the coffee table, unneeded at the moment. You can't help the glare that you give it; the things you would give to be able to just speak and be heard are endless.

It rattles a little and you look away.

Namjoon is quiet as the show plays. He doesn't react when you move to turn the oven on, but he does laugh quietly and thank you for it when he goes to put his dinner in. He eats and you don't bother him, though the way he keeps his little package hidden away makes curiosity burn through you. Eventually, once he's eaten and washed his dishes and laughed at the way you rubbed them dry before setting them carefully in their places, he settles back into his blankets and turns on the music he loves so much.

He's got a book balanced in his hands and your cookie sheet rests on the coffee table, and you both just sit like that for a long while, enjoying existing.

"You remember your life, right Casper?" You thump lazily against the wall in response, eyes drawn from where you watch the gloomy sky slowly get lighter with the dawn. He isn't looking at his book anymore; he probably hasn't been for a while, based on the way the pages have migrated around his thumb, too busy staring at the wall across from him. "Do you remember your death?"

You hesitate. You've tiptoed around the subject before. He's always been too afraid to ask directly, and it's too painful for you to offer it freely. You thump against the wall once more, and he nods like he already knew the answer.

"Are they very different?" His glasses are falling down his nose and your fingers itch to push them up. Instead, you reach for your cookie sheet. He makes a sound in the back of his throat when he sees it moving, reaching under him for his package. "I forgot, I got you this. Thought it might be easier."

He sets it down and you slide the contents out of the wrapping easily. Inside is a small dry-erase board, complete with markers and eraser, small things that should be easy for you to manipulate. You beam at him; he can't see it, but you think he might be able to feel it because he perks up and smiles a little.

"You don't have to answer," He adds. "I was just curious to know if being dead is really as different as everyone makes it out to be." You nod and thump once against the board before you uncap a marker and start writing.

It's a bizarre feeling, after so long. The muscles in your hand don't ache, no matter how much you write, and you can't feel the smooth surface of the board under your fingers or the weight of the marker in your palm, but it glides against it cleanly and leaves a thick black streak behind.

It takes you a minute to write everything out, get it worded how you want. Namjoon doesn't interrupt you, just watches the marker move against the board and smiles every time you go to erase something that isn't right. Eventually you show it to him.

There are similarities. I'm still me, I still enjoy TV and music and books. Things are duller now, like there's a filter over them, and it's harder to do things. Like when you're in water, or mud, like that. Resistance.

"Oh," Namjoon replies, "That's not what I expected. It makes sense though I guess." His hand moves against his chest, rubbing lightly as he looks over your words again. "Is there anything you actually like about being a ghost?"

"Well, being invisible is pretty cool," You say, writing the words as you do. "And it's actually really fun being able to walk through walls and stuff, even if I can't go anywhere outside of the apartment."

"I'm sorry you're stuck here," Namjoon says. You startle a little, looking up at him. You think he actually heard you for a split second, but his eyes are locked on where you're writing your words out on the dry erase board.

"Yeah, me too," You tell him. He stares at the board for a long moment, chewing nervously on his bottom lip as he does. "Ask what you want to ask, Joon," You write as you say it.

"How did you die?" He blurts. You sigh and he jumps a little, looking fully at where you sit. You're shocked; you know that sometimes little noises cross over, like when Jin heard you laughing, but it's still rare. You can't figure out how it works, but you want to.

You write for a long time, letters small so they fit on the board. The whole thing is crowded together, looks like one long string of letters instead of the story it is.

There's a lot of violence in this neighborhood. You probably know that by now. People are always getting robbed or mugged or something around here. Someone tried to break into my apartment by banging the door down. It didn't work, luckily, but I got really paranoid afterwards. One night I was cooking, and someone's door slammed really hard. I spilled the water I was boiling, slipped. Blacked out after a while, and when I came to, there were police everywhere. I guess I hit my head harder than I thought, because they carted me away, and I couldn’t follow.

"I'm sorry," Namjoon says softly. "You deserved more time."

Yeah. The universe had a different plan, I guess. He smiles at that, and it settles the anxiety thrumming under your skin. Wouldn't have met you, so I guess that's a bonus. He rolls his eyes at you but he laughs softly, so you consider it a win. You doodle on the board then, simple little designs that don't mean anything beyond being able to see your effect on the world.

Namjoon sucks in a breath beside you and you look up at him. He's always been good about looking towards where you are, doing his best to make eye contact with someone he can't see, but he still always tends to look through you.

Not this time.

This time, electricity sings through the air as your eyes meet his. You don't know how, but you know he can see you. His eyes roam over you, taking in the crumpled sweater you were wearing with the stain you like to think is pasta sauce on the arm, the hair you can't ever really tame, the way you sit cross-legged on his old thread-bare couch with a dry erase board in your hands.

Neither of you moves. He looks torn between fear and amazement, every emotion in between flitting quickly over his features, and you're terrified that if you move, whatever spell that's been cast will fade. It had been so long since you talked to anyone when Namjoon slammed those magnets on the fridge, and the conversation has been a reprieve, but to be seen for the first time in years...

It's invigorating.

Watching Namjoon just look at you is something you won't ever forget, not for as long as you exist in the world. He looks at you like he's memorizing every detail, every hair and wrinkle and pore, and just knowing that he can see you fills you with something new.

"Namjoon...?" You call hesitantly. His eyes fall on your lips.

"Again," He says. Your brows must furrow, maybe you frown, you don't know because it's been so long since you've needed to pay attention to your facial expressions, but he notices your confusion. "Will you say something again?"

Breath you don't have catches in your throat, wraps itself around a heart that doesn't beat, but you smile a little. "I'm glad I met you."

Namjoon smiles. It's big and blinding and knocks everything out of you except for that emotion that's been sitting in your chest since the first time you watched him talk to his plants. You lean forward, and you can tell the exact moment you disappear, because his smile falls and his eyes unfocus. A whimper leaves your throat, but he doesn't react, and that may be the most painful thing that's ever happened to you.

"Can I feel you?" His voice is hushed but the words reverberate in your head. His eyes dart around, looking for any glimpse of you, and your hand trembles as you reach out.

Goosebumps raise on his cheek where your hand touches him and his breath stops for a moment, but he smiles again and leans into the chill. You bring your other hand up to cup his other cheek, your dry erase board lying forgotten on the ground, and Namjoon's eyes flutter closed.

"I think I might love you," You say quietly just before you press your lips to his. He doesn't react to your words, but he lets out a soft sigh at your kiss. Thunder cracks through the apartment, a torrent of rain unleashed on the windows, but you don't move.

The two of you sit like that for hours, until he starts shivering and his nose turns red, like it does when he forgets his scarf on the cold days, and his breath puffs in the air. When you finally pull away from him, he smiles, and the blush on his cheeks has nothing to do with the cold air that makes up your form.

"Yeah," He says softly, voice nearly drowned out by the storm raging outside. "Yeah, I can feel you."

If you expected things to change much after that, you were wrong. At least a little. Namjoon still disappears to go on his walks, you still start the kettle the second his whistles drift up to the apartment. He still asks you a million questions, but they're more normal now. Your favorite music, color, what you wished you'd done with your life, if you've been able to corporealize again recently, what you wanted to watch that night.

"Come on, Casper," Namjoon groans. "I promise you can do it." You huff and he smiles, clearly having heard it. You're tempted to just disappear somewhere, rattle some pipes in the bathroom or the kitchen so he thinks you're in there and leaves you alone, but he smiles at you again and you're weak for that dimple.

You grip the watering can again, doing your best to lift it and manipulate it the way you need to. It's heavy, and something about the metal makes your skin itch, but the more you struggle the more you're able to pour the slightest bit of water where RJ - a giant plant that you don't even know the name of - sits in the corner of the room across from Namjoon's bed. It's the twentieth-something time you've tried this today, and you're ten seconds from just giving up completely, but you can tell this is important to Namjoon.

He's been talking all week, between the late nights where you lay over his blanket-wrapped form and the mornings where he ducks out with a soft goodbye. He's told you everything about his plants that you think he possibly could, teaching you about them and showing you how to care for them. It's interesting, you won't lie, and it's always fun to see him light up when you recall something he's told you, but you're exhausted and every part of you is shaky, and you're more than a little worried of what might happen if you push too far again.

Still, Joon hasn't looked great lately, like he might be getting the flu, and you want to be able to help him with all the things he does in the house. You've already started doing the dishes and folding laundry, since those were the two things he was the absolute worst at, but you feel like you should be doing more.

"Good job, baby, I'm proud of you!" You grunt and let the watering can fall back to the ground with a loud thump that almost definitely has the downstairs neighbors cursing Namjoon's name. "See, and now we're done for the day! C'mon, we can put on Sens8 and cuddle."

He's on the couch before you can stop him, wrapping himself in blankets except for one lone hand that sticks out, expectant. You roll your eyes and sit beside him, close enough that if you had a body you would be cuddling instead of just sitting awkwardly beside him.

You know that this is just going to make your hand all pink and gross, right?

He just smiles when the board flips around to reveal itself and wiggles his fingers. "It's worth it," He says. "I'd rather be pink and gross than never get to hold your hand at all."

You can't even feel my hand, Joon, there's literally no point to this. He huffs and wraps his hand around the marker in your hand, shivering at the chill that runs through him when he does. He grins and gestures down to where the tips of his fingers are already turning red.

"Clearly I can feel it, Casper."

You're glad he can't see you, that you don't have a heart that beats or blood that runs, because if you did, your face would no doubt be red. You have no doubts that Namjoon would tease you about it.

He's quiet as you both watch the show; he makes the odd comment here or there, but his mood seems to have calmed some. When he first got back from whatever place he visited that day, he'd been anxious and jumpy and entirely too on edge.

"Hey, Casper?" He asks quietly. You slide a hand against his cheek to let him know you're there, and he leans into the chill again. "What do you think about me?"

You don't move for several seconds, hand still poised around his cheek.

"Like, your feelings. What are they? Will you tell me?" You knock once on the wall behind the couch. Your hand stays poised over your board for long enough that Namjoon starts to get a little restless. Words refuse to come to you. Every time you start to think you have a way to describe to him what he means to you, they disappear as quick as fog on a summer's afternoon. Frustrated, you let the board fall to the couch and scrawl a quick 'hold on' so he knows you aren't just ignoring him.

It's been weeks since you've seen what you're looking for, your cookie sheet with the word magnets having been basically forgotten in lieu of the more personal and convenient dry-erase board, but right now you know that if words won't come to you, you'll have to go to them.

You finally find it, shoved under several encyclopedias and magazines, and the noise you make is so triumphant that even Namjoon hears it. You curl back up beside him, careful to make sure the blanket is wrapped tight around him, and make sure he can see the words as you move them. It still takes a long time, constantly changing and rearranging and stacking to make sure it conveys the things you need it to convey.

You are like music. A symphony of summer days and peach skies with soft rain. You are a storm in the moonlight. I'm not lonely when I have you pouring around me. You make me feel alive again.

Namjoon is silent for a long time, and you wonder if you've gone too far. It's more poetic than you'd like, too frilly and fancy and emotional than you usually are, but they're the only words you have.

After too long, he exhales. It's heavy and deep and it feels like he's trying to expel more than just air from his body.

"You make me feel alive, too," is all he says, whispered into the softness of his blanket in a voice too small for his long limbs. He shivers, and you hear him choke down a cough, and then he disappears into the bathroom for a long time. When he comes back out, he doesn't say anything, just slides into the mass of blankets on his bed and lays his arm out across the mattress. You spread out across from him, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he looks through you and out the window where the rain is letting up.

"Looks like the rainy season is gonna last longer than everyone thought." You slide your hands around one of his large ones and just hold them like that. His eyes sink closed and something like relief stands on his face for a moment before it's gone, swept away by the peace of sleep.

You wonder what it is that he sees when he looks out the window. If it's the plain brick wall and windows of the building next door, or something more.

You aren't sure you want to know.

Namjoon's flu only seems to get worse. He leaves early in the mornings, as if he thinks you might not notice the way he coughs into his scarf just because the sun hasn't risen fully yet. He stays gone most of the days, and even when he apologizes quietly during the twilight when he slinks back in to the sound of the kettle screeching on the stove and his tea already waiting to be steeped, he still doesn't stop.

You've taken to playing blues while he's gone, mostly the old school stuff, digging out the vintage record player he has buried in the closet and setting it up on the coffee table. It’s the only technology you can use without shorting it out. You don’t know why, but it makes you grateful the record collection Namjoon keeps tucked away inside the coffee table that you’ve learned is in fact an actual steamer trunk that he salvaged and restored himself.

The music fills the apartment, distracts you from the oppressive weight of his absence. He knows you wait at the window for him, you told him that back when the two of you were first getting to know each other.

You're so fragile, you had told him. He had laughed at you, quiet and fond, and waited for you to explain further. You're so full of life and breath and possibility, and the world is so big and so dangerous. I'm scared you won't come back.

"Of course I'm going to come back," he told you. You didn't even need to tell him that you're afraid of what being alone might do to you, now that you're so used to his presence. You're being heard again, sometimes even seen, and you don't know if you can go back to the stagnant depression of solitude. "I'll always come back to you."

That was the first time you thought you might love Namjoon. The feeling has only gotten stronger, and now that you wait at the window with your eyes focused on that tiny section of sidewalk you can see at the end of the alley, it threatens to consume you whole.

You wait at the window for hours. You know because you glance at the clock every minute and a half, mocking you with every tick as it hangs limply on the bathroom door. The sun sinks below the horizon, the moon rises to take its place, and they switch again while you wait. The dawn paints the sky in beautiful shades of pink and red and orange and the faintest purple, but you can't appreciate any of it, because you're too anxious.

He could be hurt. He could be gone, and you wouldn't ever know until his friends came to pack his things. He could have left, too; maybe he finally decided that living with a ghost was just too much for him and just ran. Maybe he figured out that you love him, that you would move heaven and earth if it meant he was safe forever if only you could leave this apartment, and it was too much for him.

What if he knows about how you lay beside him every night? How you tuck the blankets tighter around him, cover him in warmth and comfort before settling on top of them and closing your eyes and pretending that you can feel his arm draped over your waist and his breath on the back of your neck. What if he felt you, that night you wandered into the bathroom while he was showering to write on the steam-covered mirror that he needs to buy more eggs soon and got distracted by the way he looked stepping out of the shower? What if he knows your stomach flipped at the long limbs and the hidden muscles and the sheer size of him? What if he knows the real reason you were quiet that night, the way you kept replaying the moment in your mind and wishing you had a body so you could have just touched him, at least.

It's closer to noon than midnight when his whistle echoes up through the window.

"Hey, I'm home," He calls as he enters the empty apartment. You're upset, but you're more filled with relief than anything because at least he's safe and he's here now. He makes a beeline for where the kettle is just starting to whistle, already reaching for the honey and the tea you set out on the counter for him, and you do your best to calm the storm of emotions inside you.

Did you have fun, wherever you were? You ask him, floating the whiteboard in front of his face so he has to acknowledge it.

"Yeah, I did," he responds as he stirs his tea. "Jin invited everyone over for some end of summer thing. I didn't feel too great at the end of it, so I just spent the night there."

Don't party too hard, you might remember how to have fun, you joke. It falls a little flat based on the grim smile Namjoon gives you. Are they gonna come over here again anytime soon? I've missed scaring Hoseok.

He lets out a real laugh at that. "I don't know, maybe. My birthday's coming up, after Jeongguk's, so they could definitely be planning something. I'm heading over to Yoongi's later to help plan for Guk's party. I might stay there tonight, so try not to worry, Casper."

I'll try, you tell him. You both know you'll stand at the window every second he's gone, but you don't want to tell him why. You don't want to tell him that you love him through a dry erase board, or some fancy poetry magnets. It doesn't matter that you may as well have already said so by telling him that he makes you feel alive again; you haven't said the words to him, he hasn't seen 'I love you' in the messy scrawl that is your handwriting on some stupid board, and therefore he doesn't know.

You don't know if you want him to.

He stays gone that night, as he said he might, and reappears the next day to shower and change before he vanishes again. The next time he shows up, he takes a bag with him when he leaves, which only worsens your fears. He stays gone for three days this time, doesn't apologize when he turns up again and just mumbles a soft hello into the air before he makes tea and sags into his couch. He's asleep in seconds, and as much as you want to scream at him, you can't bring yourself to disrupt how peaceful he looks.

When he wakes, he takes a shower and ignores the ' can we talk ' you scrawled in the steam. He packs a bag of fresh clothes and doesn't say goodbye when he leaves, just disappears and leaves you standing at the window with the pail in your hand, caring for the plants he isn't. The slam of the door sounds like nails in a coffin and breaks what little was left of your soul.

He shows back up nearly a week later, and the relief at seeing him again is overridden by the sheer anger at being left in the first place. You don't start the kettle when you hear his whistle, the quiet and hoarse tune of a familiar song barely reaching the window, but there's plenty of noise when he enters.

The cabinet doors are quaking with your fury, the lights flicker and threaten to burst, and Namjoon just leans back against the door. He’s soaked from the storm thundering outside, even his jacket plastered to his skin, and he’s shivering slightly, but you can’t see anything past the rage.

"Where the fuck were you?" You demand; there's no point, it's not like he can hear you, but the way he sighs makes you feel like he can, so you continue anyway. "It's been almost a week, you didn't even think to stop by for ten seconds so I know you're okay? I thought you were dead somewhere, you could've been, like, shot, or something, I don't know, just bleeding out in some ditch, and I wouldn't know! And what about all the plants? I know how to take care of them, sure, but do you know how hard it is for me to do it?"

Namjoon sighs again, the breath catching in his throat and coming out in a cough, but you don't pay much attention to it.

"Why would you act like this, Namjoon? What did I do, is it because of the things I said? Do you not want me to feel like this about you? Because this a damn good way of making sure I don't, I assure you, so by all means, just keep disappearing and leave me alone with the plants you decided to rescue and save!"

His cough gets worse and he just shakes his head, covering his mouth and making his way towards the bathroom.

"If you want me to hate you, it's too fucking late, Joon!" The slam of the bathroom door punctuates your sentence, and you quiet at the sound of continued coughing. You knew his flu was getting worse, but it's never sounded like that. Even when you were alive, you knew that the wet sound that's muffled by the bathroom door isn't what a cough should sound like. The lock of the door clicks, and it shocks you into movement because he's never - never - locked you out of anywhere. He knows it wouldn't stop you, knows it as well as you know that you'd respect that boundary if he set it, and yet here he is, locking you out even as he coughs up what sounds like a lung in the other room.

You hesitate at the door, torn between respecting his boundaries and knowing what’s happening. You want him to trust you, always, and yet you find your hand disappearing through the door before you can stop it. You stand like that for a long moment, just listening to the sounds of his wracking coughs; the sound of a crash echoes through the apartment, though, and you’re through the door completely in the span of a heartbeat. 

Nearly everything that had been on the counter is scattered on the ground, Namjoon himself gripping the sides of the toilet as if he would fall apart otherwise. A single glance tells you that the crash happened as he turned from the sink to the toilet, and if his jolting shoulders didn’t tell you why, the sounds of his retching would. That isn’t what fills you with dread though; the disorientation, the vomiting, all of it comes with being sick sometimes, but the red staining the bathroom sink? 

That’s not normal, and you know with every part of you that it’s the reason he’s been gone so much. 

The temperature in the apartment drops with the sun, but your arms surround Namjoon as best they can. Goosebumps break out on his arms, shivers run down his back, but you don’t move away from him; he doesn’t say anything, just sits there with his forehead pressed against the cool of the porcelain. He stands eventually, ignores the way he passes completely through your body to rinse the sink and brush his teeth. 

You let him stay quiet until you’re both on his bed; you’re pressed up against his side and running your hands along his forearms, idly wondering if you would be able to feel his heartbeat if you were alive. 

“It’s not...it’s not gonna get better,” He says eventually. “There’s not a cure, just some things to draw it out and give me a little bit longer even if they come with more pain. I go once a week to see if it’s gotten worse, check how much longer I have. It’s why Hobi let me move in here rent-free. He pays the bills, says it’s the least he can do. I wanted to be closer to him anyway, so that’s a bonus, I guess.”

“I’m so sorry, Joon,” you whisper. Your board lies forgotten, somewhere on the couch maybe, you aren’t sure and can’t be bothered to pull yourself away from him long enough to find it. You don’t need it right now, though; he knows what you mean by the way the cold presses against his bicep with your palm. 

“I didn’t want you to know.” You’re not exactly surprised at that; you’d figured as much. You just don’t understand his reasoning. “I didn’t want you worrying about me, or anything like that, like the guys do. They always look at me and it’s all they can see. Like they’re already mourning me, even though I’m still here. I didn’t want to feel like that with you.” 

“I know,” you say. You don’t, not really. Your own death was sudden, a shock to everyone you knew; you didn’t get the luxury of saying goodbye, didn’t have the burden of knowing you would be gone soon. 

The two of you sit in silence for a while, until you can feel Namjoon’s chest quivering under your palm. When you look up, he looks at you, really and truly at you , and he has tears in his eyes. 

“I don’t want to die, Casper,” He whispers. You suck in a breath because he can see you, and you don’t even know why, but you don’t want to lose this moment. “I don’t want to leave all of this behind. I don’t want to leave you.” 

“It’ll be okay,” you say softly. His brow furrows and a tear slides down his cheek. “I promise you it will be okay, Namjoon. It gets easier, and people remember but they aren’t stuck forever. And I…” You falter, and it takes his eyes meeting yours to make you realize he can hear you. And there’s only one thing you’ve ever needed him to hear. 

“I love you,” You tell him. “I love you, and I will never forget you.” 

He surges forward, lips meeting yours in a rush of air. You moan at the feeling of him against you, realizing that for the first time since you died, you can feel something under your fingers. His skin is warm against your fingers, his lips soft against your own, and when he reaches up to cup your jaw with his hand, he doesn’t pass through your form. Instead his hand settles heavy against you, and he moves your head to lick into your mouth. 

Tears that won’t fall prickle at the back of your eyes and you climb into his lap before he can stop you. He’s still crying so you wipe away the tears before they can fall, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks, his dimples, his nose, every bit you can reach. A question sits at the back of your mind, and you can see it lingering in his eyes, but neither of you asks it.

“You’re so cold.” His whisper is nearly lost amidst the thunder that shakes the apartment, but it makes you smile a little. 

“Warm me up?” 

His chest is still quivering with unspoken sobs, but he nods. “Always,” he tells you. “I’m always going to be here.” It doesn’t take long to pry him out of his clothes, takes even less time for him to sink into you. It feels just like it did when you were alive, only magnified; you can feel him hot and warm inside you, can feel the beat of his heart in the firm muscle under your hands. His moans are quiet and hoarse but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

He keeps one hand on your waist and the other on your neck, holding you close enough that he can kiss whenever he wants. “You’re beautiful,” He whispers. “The most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” You just press another kiss to his chapped lips and let him dig his fingers in hard enough that it would bruise if it could. When he’s close to his peak, he stops thrusting, just sits inside you as he grinds your hips down to his, and presses his forehead against yours. 

“I love you,” He tells you, lightning casting his shadow across the wall for a brief moment. “I love you, I do, I wish-”

“I know,” you tell him before he can continue. “I know, Namjoon, I know, and I do, too. I love you, too.” He comes a few seconds later, the warm seed soaking into his sheets because it has nowhere to go. His warmth disappears from under your hands and his arms fall to his lap when the only thing holding them up is gone. All you can hear is your quiet sobs mixed with his and the rain against the window, and for the first time since you came back, you really, truly, wish you had died. There’s no point in being a ghost when you can still feel your heart breaking in your chest. 

“Casper, are you ever scared?” 

It’s the middle of the afternoon. Namjoon is sprawled across the couch wrapped in blankets while Lucifer plays in the background and you doodle aimlessly on your board. You don’t need it as often now; you’ve gotten better at focusing your energy into being heard, though being corporeal still eludes you. You don’t know how you did it that night, but you’re grateful for it. 

“Of what?” You ask, looking towards him. He’s not looking at you or watching the show, just staring at the ceiling. He focuses at your words, lifts himself up into a sitting position. A shiver runs through him when his legs move through you, and you settle a weightless hand against his knee out of habit. 

“I don’t know,” He replies. “Just...whatever comes next. If there’s something that comes next. Being forgotten. Being stuck here forever.” 

You aren’t stupid; you know why he’s asking. The question lingers in the air, colors all of your conversations now, but the truth is that neither of you has the strength to ask it and neither of you knows the answer. 

“Sometimes,” You tell him. “Sometimes I wonder what Jihyo is doing, if she ever had a baby like she wanted to. I wonder if my parents are still alive, and what they say if they visit my grave, what they tell me now that I can’t respond to them.” 

Namjoon nods like he’s already thought of that, and he probably has. 

“Most of the time I try not to focus on it, though. It’s not helpful, it only upsets me, and I don’t…” You trail off, unsure of how to word your thoughts. “I don’t know what might happen if I only focus on the negative. I don’t know anything about what’s true about ghosts and what isn’t beyond that I exist now, and I can’t risk becoming something bad. So I try not to focus on it. It’s easier when you’re here.”

He grins and blows a kiss in your general direction, and you pretend not to notice the blood on his cracked lips. He’s quiet for the rest of the episode of half of another. 

“Have you ever seen a light?” 

“What?” He doesn’t seem to hear you, and you repeat your question on your board for him. 

“A light,” He echoes. “Like, the light.Y’know, the light at the end of the tunnel, ‘don’t go into the light,’ that thing.” 

You hesitate at that. You knew what he meant, what he actually wants to know here. He’s easier to read now than he was in the beginning. 

You watch him as he watches the space where you sit, curled up beside him on his couch. He can’t see you, of course, but he can see where the board rests in your hands. His gaze is heavier than it was when he first moved in; his cheeks are hollower, skin more gaunt with a grey tint that’s only made worse by the constant rain. The sun is just starting to break through the clouds, a brief reprieve after weeks of the dreary stone-colored clouds. It casts shadows along the walls, reflects off something in the window across the alley, and backlights Namjoon beautifully, casts a halo of light around the brittle brown hair you love. 

Once, you tell him. Just once.

“Why didn’t you go to it?” 

There are so many things you could tell him, so many different ways to answer such a simple question, but you find yourself lingering on the one thing you know is the ultimate truth. 

Because I love you.

September comes with even more rain and a bittersweet atmosphere. Jeongguk spends his birthday at Namjoon’s apartment and then comes back a little over a week later, surrounded by the other guys and carrying enough food to last a few months. You stay curled on the bed, one of the only safe places for you to not mess with anyone or anything. Your board is tucked into the blankets, ready to be used but hidden from view just in case. You watch as Namjoon sits on the couch, tucked between Taehyung and Yoongi with both of them leaning into him as much as possible, Yoongi’s hands wrapped in one of his and Tae’s head on his shoulder. 

The other’s aren’t far, leaning against the back of the couch and on beanbags they’d brought with them, all laughing as Hoseok does his best to act out whatever he’d been given in charades. He’s not bad at it - you’ve guessed the last few he’s done - but he is utterly ridiculous in his mannerisms. You know why; it’s the same reason everyone kept smiling when Namjoon refused all of the food he was offered, why Seokjin would crack a terrible joke whenever it got too quiet for too long, why everyone is resolutely ignoring the growing pile of tissues on the table. 

It keeps a smile on Namjoon’s face, though, and a laugh in his eyes, and you can’t ever be anything but grateful for that. 

Hoseok stumbles, nearly falling and whirling his arms to catch himself before eventually falling anyway. You laugh along with the others, grinning at the way Hobi pouts and rubs at his hip. You’re focused on the way Joon laughs, the way it lights up his face and brightens the entire room, which is why you see it first. 

The tickle at the back of his throat quickly becomes a cough, wet and wheezing and enough to make him throw the blankets from his lap and stumble to the bathroom. 

You’re there before he is, helping him slide the door closed and locking it behind him as he bends over the toilet again. The six of them are quiet in the main room, speaking in hushed whispers that neither you nor Namjoon wants to hear. You turn the knob on the sink, wetting a towel while you drown out the sound of voices, and letting a hand run over Namjoon’s back. 

“I’m okay,” he mutters. You ignore the way his voice shakes, the way his lips are redder than before, the way this happens more often than before. Instead, you just press the damp rag to his neck and watch his eyes close in relief. When he stands and flushes the evidence away, you already have his toothbrush ready and waiting, and you stay as close to him as you can until he takes a deep breath. 

“I’m okay,” He repeats. “I’m okay. It’s my birthday, and I’m okay.” 

He goes back out with a smile on his face and a laugh in his voice, teasing Hoseok about the way he fell and reenacting it, even. When he settles on the couch, he urges the others to continue the game. There’s a brief moment of hesitation before Jimin declares that he’s next and pulls something from the bowl on the table. 

You know you aren’t the only one that notices the way Namjoon’s eyes linger on the six men around him, but you are the only one that notices the way they also linger on his steamer trunk, the shelf with his books, the TV, the record player, the scrapbook of his life that they all worked on and Taehyung pieced together over the months, the plants on the wall that he had cared for. He looks around his apartment as if he’s looking at it for the last time. 

As if he’s already planning who’s going to get what. 

He finally asks the question you both have been thinking about, nearly two months later. His breathing comes in ragged pants, his lips stay chapped, and he keeps several blankets around him at all times to try to hide the shaking of his body. Your soft sobs echo through the apartment constantly; while you reheat the tea he doesn’t drink for the millionth time, while you quietly water and prune the plants he’s saved from death the way you wish you could save him, while you sit curled around him as he sleeps, soothing his coughs with quiet whispers. 

Night has just begun to fall, the rain of the day turning into a soft drizzle, and you stare at him blankly, unsure how to process what you’ve just heard. 

“Do you think I’ll come back?” He asks again, slightly louder. As if you hadn’t heard his shaky voice the first time. It’s not the question that floors you. You’ve been expecting this for weeks, months even. You’ve wondered it yourself as you prepare tea and ignore the sounds of him vomiting blood in the bathroom, as he disappears to the hospital and returns with a worse prognosis than before, as you’ve adjusted to the idea that you are dead and he is dying and you cannot do anything to help him. 

You never would have expected the hope that his words carry though. 

“Why does it sound like you want to?” You ask. Your voice is clear in the air and you’re glad for it, because this isn’t something you want to talk about through your board. 

“Because I do?” His response is delayed and sounds more like a question than a real answer. 

“Why?!” You demand. 

“Are you serious, Casper?” His brow is furrowed as he sits up and lets the blankets fall away to sit haphazardly off the couch. 

“Are you? Joon, why would you want to come back?”

“You’re seriously asking me that question? Why would I not? I’ve got so much I still want to do, I never thought I’d get the chance to after I got the diagnosis and now I might be able to. Why wouldn’t I want that?”

“Because it doesn’t work like that! You don’t get to just wander the world and fuck around, Joon, you’re dead.”

“Yeah, but you can still read and write and everything. I’d have all the time in the world to read the books I want to read, watch the shows I want to watch, write the music and stories and lyrics that I want to write.”

“Yeah, so long as it all stays in this apartment!” The light in the room flickers slightly with the force of your irritation. “You can’t do anything that isn’t in this room, Namjoon, you can’t use any of the electronics, you can’t read a book unless it’s here, you can’t write music unless it’s on actual paper, you can’t do anything.” 

“Yeah, and I could make that work. Why are you so upset about this? I thought you’d be happy.”

“Happy? You think I’d be happy that you’d be stuck in these four walls forever, too? Why would that make me happy?” Namjoon stands, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. 

“Because I’d be with you! We’d be together, forever! Do you not want to be with me?”

“Of course I want to be with you, Joon, but not at the cost of you being stuck here. I don’t want that for anyone, certainly not the man I love.”

“And what if that’s what I want? What if I want to spend the rest of time with you? I’m already spending the rest of my life with you, I’m in love with you, I don’t want to leave you.”

“And I don’t want you to go, but Joon, why would I want you stuck here, too? This isn’t something fun. This isn’t anything that I enjoy.”

“Oh, so you regret it all then?”

“I didn’t say that, I just don’t want you to be stuck in a shitty studio apartment for who knows how long when you can’t fucking do half of the things you love! You wouldn’t go on walks, Namjoon, you wouldn’t go with Guk and Jimin to the movies, you wouldn’t get visits from Hobi, you wouldn’t get to shop with Taehyung or Jin, you wouldn’t get to drag Yoongi away from his thesis or celebrate with them when he finishes it! It’s not like being alive, Namjoon, you’d be dead and alone and in hell!”

“Whatever,” He mutters, shoving his arms into his coat. “Why can’t you understand for one fucking second that it wouldn’t be like that with you? I’d rather be stuck here forever than have to die in some shitty apartment and not even be able to touch the person I love.”

“Why can’t you understand that it’s still death? You’d be dead, Joon, your friends would go to your funeral and disappear from your life, and you’d be stuck staring out that window at that shitty alley for the rest of time. You don’t get it, you don’t how terrible it is to be stuck here and watch life pass you by.”

“Then why the fuck are you still here?” He asks. The door slams behind him before you can answer him, and your scream shakes everything in the room. You just barely catch one of the plants in the kitchen, a brown-potted one with ‘Shooky’ scrawled in Yoongi’s familiar handwriting, before it crashes to the ground. You return it to its place gently and huff another frustrated groan. 

You wish you could explain it better, but you know he wouldn’t get it even if you could. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be trapped between four walls and unable to do anything without massive amounts of effort. And he won’t, not unless he experiences it himself. 

You’ve already watched him wither away. You’ve watched him become thin and sallow and a shadow of the Namjoon who first moved in, and you don’t know what you would do if he came back. You wouldn’t be alone anymore, of course, and you’d have him here with you, but at what cost? Namjoon was built for cherry blossoms and sunshine and the riverside. He would hate being trapped here even more than you do.

Still, you could have been more understanding of his view. You can admit that even being stuck in a shitty apartment wasn’t so terrible when you had Namjoon there to make you laugh or watch TV or read to you. It may even get better if he turned into a ghost; maybe you could hold his hands in yours, could feel him wrap his arms around you, could press kisses to his skin again. 

You move to the window and stand there waiting. It’s not good for him to be out, even if the rain had stopped a few days ago and the forecasters promised it was the end of the downpours. He was still weak, you’d be surprised he even went anywhere to begin with but you know he likes to walk to calm himself down. 

You worry for what feels like hours. You can’t focus on anything, not the way the sun starts to set, not the sound of cars passing or the neighbor leaving. You’ve worked yourself into knots by the time you hear his whistle echo up through the streets, nearly lost in the sound of some argument in the alley below you. You catch a brief view of his coat and smile when you see that he’s got some half-dead plant tucked under an arm. There’s the briefest glimpse of what looks like a Ca scrawled onto it, and your heart jumps in your throat.

You make your way to the stove, turning the heat up slightly too high so that it’ll be ready when he comes in. The arguing outside gets louder but you pay it no mind, pulling the honey out and setting it next to his favorite mug. You’re reaching for the tea when you hear something else. It definitely sounds like Namjoon’s voice, but it’s not in the hall or at the door like usual. It’s raised, like he’s yelling at someone, like it was just a while ago when he was fighting with you. A crash startles you and before you can even reach the window to see what’s going on, there’s a deafening bang. 

You slam your fist against the window, watch the red mix with dirt, and the kettle isn't that only thing that screams. 

“I think that’s the last of it,” Jeongguk says. His voice is scratchy and quiet, but it’s deafening in the silence of the apartment. 

“Yeah,” Hoseok replies. His eyes are rimmed with red and his hands shake as he slides the last mug into a box. “Thanks for the help, Guk. I don’t, um.” He sniffles. “I don’t think I could’ve done it myself, y’know?” 

“I know,” Jeongguk agrees. They’re quiet again, adjusting the things they’ve boxed and avoiding finishing what they’re doing. 

“Oh, can you get that?” You don’t have to look to know what Hoseok is talking about. Jeongguk grunts an affirmation and makes his way over. It’s a strange feeling, having someone pass through you again for the first time since. His hands fly into the air as he tries to lift, clearly not having expected it to weigh anything. 

His reflection in the window frowns, and he tries again, tugging on the pot. 

“I can’t get it,” He says. “Do you think he glued these things down or something?” 

“No,” Hoseok replies as he wanders over as well. “He used to pick them up to re-pot them, remember? And the others came up with no problem.” 

“Well it’s stuck or something, you try.”

Hobi takes Jeongguk’s place and pulls hard at the plot, but your grip doesn’t waver. He huffs and disappears. When he returns, he’s got a butter knife in one hand that he does his best to slip under the pot. He tries hard to pry it up, so hard that you almost want to give in. You don’t though. 

The knife clatters to the floor with as much force as Hoseok can put behind it, a curse following quickly behind it. 

“Fuck it,” Hoseok says. His voice is shaky and you know he’s near tears again. “Just fuck it.” 

“But that was-”

“You can try if you want, Guk, but I just-” He chokes back a sob, shaking his head and moving to pick up the boxes he’d set down. “I just can’t, okay?” He disappears out the door in a hurry, and you wish you could follow after him. 

Jeongguk looks down at the small plant, with its painted periwinkle pot and soft leaves. He runs a quivering finger over the leaf and sniffles. He doesn’t try to lift it again, just stands and lets his tear soak into the soil.

“I wish you could come back to us,” He whispers. “We thought...we expected more time. It’s not...it’s not really fair, y’know? So if you can hear me, if you can come back to us, please do. Please.” 

He turns and leaves, the apartment door slamming behind him like the lid of a casket. Your grip on Mang loosens now that you know no one’s going to try to take it. You’d watched them pack everything else up; you’d let them take the steamer trunk full of records, the shelf full of books and movies, the collection of mugs, the soft blankets, the ratty couch, the rest of the plants he’d cared for so tenderly. 

Piece by piece they had packed Namjoon up and walked him out of the apartment, but this was the one piece they couldn’t have. This was his favorite and none of them knew how to care for it like you did, and you had to. You owed it to him. He deserved to come back to at least one familiar thing, never mind that you woke up not even a day later and it’s now been weeks. If there was one thing you wanted him to see when he got back, it was his favorite of his plants. 

The sun glares into your eyes from where it shines down on the city. It reflects off something in the window from across the alley, would be blinding if you actually had eyes. You pay it no mind, focused instead on the remains of the broken brown pot down in the alley, the way you’ve pieced them together in your head a thousand times just to trace the word Casper with your eyes. You can almost hear his voice saying it, even now.

You whip around, eyes darting through the empty space of the apartment as your hands tighten around Mang.

All that rests there is empty space, mocking in its loneliness. You remember when he moved in, remember how it felt to test the boundaries of the apartment and wish you were free. The want is still there, to leave and never think of it again, never think of him. You know better, though. You could never escape the memory of him, the way he laughed and smiled and spoke. You could never abandon Mang. Not when he said he’d always come back to you. 

You turn back to the window, cursing the sunlight with every other breath. It fades, slowly, into the black of night, before returning again, and again, and again. Days pass, each one feeling like years. Hoseok doesn’t appear to show the apartment, no one comes to collect the small periwinkle pot between your palms, and the ghost of his laugh echoes around you. 

The sun blinds you again. You don’t even know how long it’s been, just that you’ve yet to move. Light glints off whatever hangs in the window across the alley. That's when you see it, a vague reflection in the weathered glass of a dimple and a grin, and warmth surrounds you.

“I told you I’d always come back, Casper.”

#namjoon fanfiction #rm fanfiction #bts fanfiction #namjoon smut #namjoon x reader #namjoon angst #rm smut #reader insert #rm angst #rm x reader #namjoon fanfic #rm fanfic #bts fanfic #love yourself collab #ghost reader #clumsy namjoon #unspecified gender reader #bts angst #major character death #fic: forever rain #ddaenggtan