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patchun · 3 years

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KIRBY STAR ALLIES: UNNECESSARILY DETAILED DEFINITIVE ARENA VIABILITY TIER LIST

After reading the title you may have a few questions. The first of which may be: why should I care what you think? Haha, well, reader who has likely never even played this game...

I have invested just a little bit of time into this game. More, lately, as I recently spent about 30 hours playing this game to decide once and for all who the strongest and weakest characters are. Now, you say, patchun... you invested 30 hours into a game that's like four years old, wasn't that well reviewed, and has completely faded from relevance... all so you could make a tier list no one will care about? And I tell you. Yes. Yes I fucking did. With that out of the way, let's dive in.

The criterion I used to determine viability were damage output, safety, and versatility. Some characters, when played skillfully, can have crazy unexpected DPS. Some characters have fantastic air dodges or blocks that drastically increase their safety. Some characters absolutely destroy Whispy Woods, but then struggle against literally anyone else. All of this has been taken into account to make the following tier list.

Before we start I want to make a few notes: if playing with friends, a few positions change. When playing with friends, Rock, Gooey, and Painter move up to SSS tier. Painting rocks is legit one of the most fun and strongest ways to clear the true arena. Also, Meta Knight, when playing with friends, is in S tier. He has some very high damage output if he is safe, but can struggle to stay safe. I will be using the terms "decent, good, great, and insane" very deliberately.

In order of goodness in all rows.

F Tier:

Those in F tier have pretty much nothing going for them.

Suplex is weak and constantly makes itself vulnerable.

Kirby is arguably the most skillful character in the game, but has decent damage when played well.

Fighter just has no good moves, its kit is a weak disaster.

Painter is slow and the minions it creates are weak and not versatile. Statue (down up B) is its best move by far, but the slow startup and inability to move during really hinders the move.

Bird has great mobility and lots of i-frames, but super low damage. I-frames don't matter when you're fighting the bosses for hours.

ESP, in order to do any good damage whatsoever, needs to charge it's ball of energy to max, and then manage to hit the enemy without touching anything else first. If you can do that, it's solid. But it's pretty rare that you can do that, and you're very vulnerable while charging.

Chef honestly should have gone at the top of F tier. It's dash midair B is strong and so is its spatula, though a bit boring. However, Chef has a large hurtbox and you can't play as Kirby instead.

D Tier:

D Tier clears are manageable but require almost perfect play. These characters have something going for them, but it usually isn't much and they're heavily outclassed in some way by other characters.

Beam is strong, but struggles due to lack of mobility. All of its attacks are good, but just good.

Staff is held back by the fact that its dash attack is immobile and has very few i-frames. Down-up B and Pole Vault into B are both good, but are outclassed.

Water has a strong attack in its down-up B, which creates a rainbow and does good damage. It also has a projectile that it can stay relatively safe while using. However, the projectile falls to the ground, meaning Water really struggles against enemies that stay high in the air. Anything out of reach of its rainbow attack will be quite a hassle to kill.

Sweep - I somehow cleared true arena with solo sweep, so maybe it's better than I was able to figure out? I tried for a while. It's hold and release B move, which sweeps and then flicks the broom, does good damage. Additionally, its dash attack is decent.

Fire has one decent move - its midair down B, which causes it to roll into an invincible ball of fire. If you use this near the ground, you'll then roll. If used on a big enemy, it can do good damage, but most of the time you won't be doing much damage at all. Barely makes D tier.

C Tier:

These characters are okay. They generally require a very patient and careful playstyle, but can do decent damage.

Rock can do damage. It has invincibility. It even has an up B in this game that is strong! But... well, unless you're playing with friends, you are going to be waiting around in rock form A LOT while playing this character. Waiting as two Bugsys hover around you, waiting for that perfect opportunity... to unrock, and then rock right back up. It's boring. But you can win with it.

Beetle can be strong, but it needs to be very careful about the opportunities it takes to attack, as many leave it vulnerable in end lag.

Hammer is the only copy ability here where you're better off playing as Kirby. Bonkers' hurtbox is big, why not just use Dedede?

Yoyo is like a better Bird. It has lots of mobility and i-frames, but only does decent damage (rather than Bird who does none). Its down up B is good damage on large enemies, but leaves it vulnerable.

B Tier:

Clearing the true arena with these characters will be a challenge, but keep at it and you can succeed for sure! These characters have at least something that is actually GOOD, without drawbacks.

Bomb is safe and does a surprising amount of damage. Simple, but effective, and you can aim which is a perk. Wind and ice weapons are great on this one.

Whip is what Yoyo and Staff want to be. Though it's dash B isn't as mobile as Yoyo's, it does a lot of damage, and has much more i-frames than Staff's. Its down up move does great damage and does not leave it uncomfortably airborne like Yoyo. And like Yoyo, it can grab and throw stars and enemies.

Spider is very safe and fun. All of its moves do good damage, and you can kite enemies and spam your dashing midair B. Webbed enemies that you hit into others will do a lot of damage, and jumping off of webs is a great way to deal with airborne bosses such as Kracko and Void. Spider works well as a teammate when playing with friends for this reason, as your webs can basically function as shields against some attacks. Also particularly noteworthy is that spider has a damage-immune shield (damage-immune shields can still be sucked, blown, and tornado'd) that can be used midair.

Parasol does insane damage with its down B attack, which also grants i-frames. This can be spammed to absolutely decimate health bars, and you can move during it to reposition. Parasol also has great mobility in it's dash B, midair dash B, and midair down B, all three giving i-frames - as well as a decently powerful throw. Parasol struggles most against Hyness, who rarely goes to the ground and as such does not present many opportunities to down B.

Sword has a good dash attack, and a great up B down B combo that can really put in work against larger bosses. It is vulnerable, however, at the end of the combo, and is not great at dealing with midbosses and smaller enemies. It's midair dash B is also good, but not nearly as good as a certain other character. Wind can help Sword by increasing it's mobility.

Plasma is a great ability so long as you don't mind destroying your thumbs! For those who don't know, Plasma in this game works like this: as you move the joystick, Plasma will build up static electricity. This has three levels, and when it's fully charged, it can be fired out as a powerful circular bolt. Until it is used, the static buildup also functions as a shield, and will allow Plasma to warp instead of dodge up to three times. Plasma is good at dealing with Kracko, Void, and Hyness thanks to it's up B, which sends the circular bolt upwards, and is safe against other enemies. But yeah, you have to kill your thumbs. Mine hurt right now.

Cutter is good, but not as good as bomb.

Gooey is just slightly better rock. Most of Gooey's moves don't do much damage. Gooey's rock can be painted. Gooey also has a damage-immune shield, but it doesn't really matter because you might as well rock up.

A Tier

These characters are legitimately good, but there is a lot of variety in exactly how the characters in this category are good. It is organized by how likely you are to be able to clear with them. Now that I'm getting into good characters: I played every character in this category with every single element to deduce which element goes best with each one. I technically have them all tiered, too, but I figured that was too much for anyone to read.

Adeleine's down B's minions do a surprising amount of damage (great), and are quite versatile, even being able to hit airborne enemies such as Kracko and Void. She also has the best shield in the game, completey invincible and unable to be hit by anything to my knowledge (possibly Morpho Knight tornado), and a good air attack option thanks to Ribbon. She doesn't have any i-frames, so she may require a bit of waiting - like Rock, but that's only if you put yourself in that situation.

Susie (Ice) has shots that drop large balls of ice at the end. She easily destroys most bosses with these. Business Suit has i-frames at the beginning of its spin and a very powerful midair down B, also reducing damage and preventing negative status effects. Susie will likely get hit because of her massive hurtbox in Business Suit mode, but it won't matter as much thanks to the damage reduction.

Dark Meta Knight (Fire) has two great moves in his charge Bs. Fire was chosen as the best element for him because it expands the radius of his charge B. His dash and aerial attacks are great, especially if you can land his dash combo. Dark Meta Knight also has a damage-immune shield.

Chilly is surprising in its placement, but its midair B does insane damage and it has a solid kit to boot. Instead of normal dash B, Chilly needs to use dash down B for an briefly invincible and mobile ice ball. Chilly also has a damage-immune shield.

Daroach has a lot of options and all of them are great. Fire bombs destroy Whispy and Kracko, Ice Laser easily clears midbosses and does great damage to everyone else, Squeaks are second only to Adeleine's minions in their effectiveness, and the Triple Star is a great tool for staying safe while dealing good damage. Daroach doesn't have a special shield, but he does have a three-use, chainable warp as opposed to an air dodge, which if used correctly should be able to save you from any bad situation.

Bandana Dee (Ice) is stronger than any other Bandana Dee variant (you may notice a pattern like that...). Bandana Dee's dashing midair b can be spammed and does great damage, like a machine gun, but is held back by the fact that you inevitably touch the ground after 4-6 spears. Bandana Dee's strongest move is probably its down B, which can also serve nicely as a dash attack, as it has great mobility and i-frames. Bandana Dee (Wind) has a good charge B, but wonky throwing spears and lackluster damage output when compared to Ice overall.

Ninja (Ice) has potentially the most DPS in the game. By being near an enemy and pressing and holding B briefly, you do a double slashing move that creates an ice pillar that constantly damages an enemy. You can beat Whispy with this in under 20 seconds! Shurikens are good for hitting faraway enemies, and Ninja is also able to use Substitute Jutsu if it block before getting hit. The reason Ninja is not S tier is because it struggles against airborne enemies and is not able to utilize its full potential unless it catches an enemy standing still. High skill cap, but high reward.

Meta Knight has insane DPS with his dashing midair B spam. Ice and Wind are best, depending on who you're struggling with. Meta Knight can struggle to do damage while also keeping himself safe, and for that reason is best when playing with friends. His down up B, condor dive, grants i-frames and is usable in the air. His counter also does great damage.

Dedede (Shock) has great damage in his kit and a lot of i-frames, including his dash B and iconic down up B. However, he is hindered by his slow movement and large hurtbox.

S Tier

These characters will have no problem clearing if you play them right, but are they broken? Considering what is to come... nahhhh.

Marx (Ice, Wind, Water) has two great moves in his black hole which can do insane damage and is invincible, and his dive which can do great damage and is invincible. Marx pretty much always wants to stay in the air, and his midair B has a lot of variety depending on your element, but it is most notably a very safe move. Marx has a one time warp in the air that can be chained but has to be timed perfectly in order to retain invincibility, and his main drawback is that all of his powerful, i-frame granting moves tend to be pretty vulnerable with end lag. For that reason, Marx needs to be played patiently.

Rick & Kine & Coo have the best dash attacks in the game, both midair and grounded. Rick (grounded) will turn into a mobile rock, completely invincible, dealing a lot of damage, and also able to move, while Kine (midair) has a long spin attack with plenty of i-frames. Rick conveniently also bounces off the top of the heads of enemies, Kine has a projectile that can travel a fair distance but is weak, Rick can melt ice with his fire, Coo can cleanse dirty food with his flop. These guys also have a damage-immune shield.

Taranza is a case where all of his moves are great, but none of them are insane. Put them together, though, and you'll clear bosses safely. Taranza can kind of do several things at once, and I'd recommend down up B + dash B + up B. Utilizing all of this damage at once will destroy bosses quickly. When you don't feel you're safe as Taranza, midair up B and midair down B can give you control and hit from a distance.

SS Tier

Magolor's down up B is insane. He summons a giant sword that takes up the entire screen, then slashes it and hits everything for insane damage while being invincible, then can cancel that sword into itself. He has an invincible dash move, by far the best air dodge in the game, a black hole that he can summon just like Marx, and a powerful fire projectile that can melt ice. And that's not even everything - so how is this not the most broken character in the game?

SSS Tier

Somehow, dear reader, you have made it this far. The best character in Star Allies, even better than Magalor, are the Three Mage Sisters is ZAN MOTHERFUCKING PARTIZANNE. Zan does not care what you can throw at her, she has something to handle it, and chances are she doesn't need to use it. Because Zan's down up B is a giant piercing laser that covers the entire screen, grants i-frames, can be cancelled into itself, does insane damage, and can be moved during. There are just no enemies that can even pose a challenge to this character. There are no enemies that can even damage her. My highest score in Star Allies was me goofing around and playing solo Three Mage Sisters and just repeatedly spamming this move over and over again! The funny thing is, her other moves are good too, and so are her sisters to an extent! But Zan is great because she also has really fast movement as well as a warp similar to Marx and Daroach's. In a pinch she can relocate incredibly quickly, and she has no need for a shield because her warp, when you're used to it, is probably the easiest to chain into itself.

So yeah this was my Star Allies tier list. If you've read this far I'm actually amazed. Thanks. Star Allies is at its most fun, I feel, when playing with friends. If you'd like me to talk in more detail (but not as much as this post) about some friend strategies and which ones are best, such as painting rocks, let me know, I guess.

#will literally be amazed if anyone reads this LOL #but hey #it was fun to make #kirby star allies #kirby #text #long post

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official-mr-saxobeat · 5 years

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N e way it has been 728 days since I last saw/had any communication from my older brother (and longer for my little brother, but I don't know the exact date bc I wasn't fucking PAYING ATTENTION.)

And you know what? I remember the day. 7-14-17. He told me he'd text me the next day and see me the next week. You wanna know how many times he's contacted me? Zero. He's also blocked me. All because his fucking CUNT parents (can you say: DIS-GUS-TENG) decided for some fucking UNKNOWN reason that our mom, sister, and I needed to be cut off completely. Literal family, disowned with absolutely no explanation. He and I were closer than ANYONE and ALWAYS told each other we were more important than anyone else to each other. He has had so, so many opportunities to contact me. Literally just sending a fucking letter could've worked. Just, "Hey, it's Tyler. Simon and I are ok. We miss you a ton. Don't send anything back." But would you guess what? Nope. Nothing. One of his friends said that he misses me, and is apparently going to text me once he's 18. But a mutual friend of ours (who's closer to him than the other one) said more recently that he hates me now! Neat. Great. Good. Wonderful. Our sister lived in a much, MUCH more dangerous house than his, and yet wouldn't you know it! She has contacted me every single time she's had the opportunity, and risked a lot for it too. Even if she couldn't carry on a conversation, she'd let me know that she was at least safe or ok. And wow! Now that she has a phone again, she texts me all the time! Almost like...if you put in the effort to contact someone you care about, you absolutely can! She's planning to drive down and visit me! (If you're reading this Pauline I love you SO HECKING MUCH HOE ASS HOE!!!!)

I even believe that our little brother would have contacted me if he knew how. He was fucking six the last time I saw him. He's turning nine this August. Of COURSE he can't contact me, he doesn't have a phone or know my address to send a letter.

Anyway. I don't know if I'll ever hear from him again. Lots of people have told me to just give up.

....

Don't they get it...? I can't ever give up. He was my everything. Absolutely everything to me. He was there, always, no matter what.

He has no idea how many times I've cried, sobbed myself to sleep over losing him. He has no idea how much sleep I've lost over him, whether it be from nightmares where he finds me and tells me he hates me and hopes I kill myself, or from not being able to sleep because I had an unexplainable feeling that he might, just maybe, come see me, and I didn't want to go to sleep for fear of not hearing a knock or the doorbell. I'd already gone through that with our sister. He has no idea how many times I've come so, so close to just texting him, telling him how much I miss him, telling him I've changed, how much I wish he'd come back. How much I wish I could just hear his voice. See his face. Hear his laugh.

I don't know what I did. I have absolutely no clue. Neither does Pauline. Or our mom. Not an inkling. I found a letter the other day from them when I was going through boxes. A birthday card. There were long messages from both of them (the cunts) inside, telling me how much they loved me, how proud they were of me and the young man I was growing into, how much they loved having me as a part of their family, etc, etc. Who knew that in less than a year and a half from then, they'd be telling me I shouldn't ever ask about going on a family trip to the beach. But not for the same reason it used to be. It used to be, "Don't ever ask if you can come with us on a family trip, you're OBVIOUSLY coming! Why wouldn't you? You are family, after all!"

Then it was, "You're so selfish. Don't EVER ask something like that. Why would you think you could just invite yourself on a trip with us? How DARE you be so disrespectful!? You should be ashamed of yourself."

I hadn't even asked to go. I had been on every single beach trip EVER with them. They were family, after all. Tyler told me they were going to Santa Monica and asked if I was coming. I said no. I hadn't even known anything about it. So I texted CUNT BITCH (CB) and she didn't respond. All I said was, "Hey, Tyler told me you're going on a beach trip on Monday and Tuesday, did you forget to invite me or should I just not come?"

She didn't respond for over four hours. Which was really fucking weird. Because she always responded to me. So I texted again. "It's totally fine if I can't come, I'd just appreciate it if you could tell me instead of leaving me on read please."

Wow! Would you guess what. CUNT FUCK (CF) (her husband) texted me ALMOST IMMEDIATELY from her phone. The message read something like (I don't have the original texts anymore),

"How could you be so selfish. Inviting yourself on a trip that's for FAMILY ONLY. (Insert rant about how I'm a terrible person and caused CB to have a "panic attack") (and yes, I know putting panic attack in quotations seems really bad, but she faked panic attacks the entire time I knew her, aka my whole life. And they got SO much worse in those last couple months.) You hurt CB so much. You know how much she cares about you, and yet you accused her of ignoring you. How could you. I'm disappointed in the amount of disrespect you are showing right now." (Side note, I went over to his house back in June, CB opened the door, didn't recognize me at first, then said, "Nope, get out!" And slammed the door in my face.)

Tyler came over the next day, we hung out, he left. When he hugged me goodbye he said he'd talk to his parents about bringing me on the beach trip, he didn't know why they hadn't asked me.

And that was the last I heard from him. Friday, July fourteenth, 2017. Never again. I don't know if he hates me. But it certainly seems like he does.

I don't know, maybe one day he'll contact me again. Maybe he won't. Maybe I'll live the rest of my life wondering what I did and why he and his parents hate me. Maybe he will contact me, just to tell me what a terrible person I am and how glad he is he was separated from me.

I don't know.

I just want to talk to him again. I want to tell him how sorry I am for being a bossy prick. For beating him up when we were little (but I mean we're fucking brothers, and that's just what we fucking did back then). For not being there on his 14th birthday. For getting angry when he won games. For being angsty all the time when I was older. For lecturing him about Homestuck all the time. For being in the hospital so much when I was younger (see: being angsty all the time). For spending more time with s/o's than him sometimes. For waking him up at 0100 in the morning in 7th grade. For being so flamboyant about my sexuality for a few years (god, that was bad). For saying TRIGGERED every two seconds. For hurting myself even after I promised I wouldn't. For not being good enough at the piano to play the Animal Crossing: City Folk museum theme with him. For not waking up early when he was over. For not making enough (or good enough) homemade gifts for him. For not having enough random gift days. For not listening to him when he said things I was doing were edgy. For making him listen to annoying music.

For not being a good enough brother.

I miss him so much. I miss Simon so much. I miss Pauline so much too, obviously, but it's different because I've been able to talk with her all the time. I know she loves and misses me. I also have a feeling that Simon loves and misses me too. He always liked/loved me more than anyone else. He hated his parents. He told me so. I was the only one that respected him. I feel like no matter the amount of brainwashing his parents did to him, he'd know the truth. I just hope he knows I didn't abandon him. That I love him so much. And that it hurts so, so much, every day. And especially on Christmas and his birthday. And Halloween. We loved Halloween.

It's 0606 now. There's 41 hours and 54 minutes until it's been two whole years.

I wonder if he remembers the day...?

I don't know.

I wonder if he'll read this one day. Probably not. But if he does I hope he knows how much I love him and how much I miss him and how much I miss our driveway talks in the middle of the night and Mario kart races and pool games and water pool games and snowmen and sledding and writing stories together and drawing maps together and listening to pop songs while making fun of them and playing the undertale song game and playing minecraft and watching markiplier and fighting and cheating at board games in each other's favor and sorting candy after Halloween and collecting shit money from a camel in that Indiana Jones lego Wii game and making characters in that star wars lego Wii game and screaming badgers at the top of our lungs and spinning in circles to the hamster dance and walking home from elementary school and learning Japanese and OPERATIONTWENTYFOURHUNDRED and Sliced and making house tour videos and other fucking stupid home videos and building legos and rebuilding legos bc of simon and REREBUILDING LEGOS BC OF SIMON and planning midnight snacks that never happened and going to the waterpark and going to the park and finally being allowed to go places on our own and practicing singing to you and seeing you at all my concerts and playing Kirby's Return to Dreamland to 100% together and making really disgusting food creations when we were really little and playing with your hotwheels and cleaning my (DIS-GUS-TENG) room together and having random gift days and all your birthdays and all my birthdays and your AMAZING peanut butter fudge banana smoothie (which I,,, still have yet to perfect) and you being absolutely blunt and truthful towards me (except about my drawing skills/drawings which you absolutely loved even though they were terrible) and going through the undertale files to try and hack the end credits so we could get through the mysterious door and having tea parties together with that FUCKING TINY tea set (I have a big one now though) and giving you fashion shows with fucking stupid clothes that were really bad and playing Wii ski together and Super Mario Galaxy together while you were Mario and I froze enemies and collected stars and playing HMTOT and playing Animal Crossing and you selling everything you caught and all your furniture (besides mario stuff, obviously) so I could buy the Gracie Grace stuff (god, I was a cunt) and EOU (YOU'RE AS BLIND AS A WORM) and essentially having our own language and reading jack and annie books when we were really little and just. There's 20,000 more things plus some but I could never list them all. Everything we've ever done together I miss.

I don't know your views on a lot of things now. I don't know what you think about gay people. I've heard that you've called me they instead of he ever since we stopped talking. That's understandable, though. I dressed like a girl and wore makeup and stuff. I was confused. I thought that's what you were supposed to do, as a gay dude. Obviously not. I'm way less out there about my sexuality now. It's not something I talk about. It's not my whole fucking personality anymore. Which is really good.

I've changed so much since I last talked to you. I'm not edgy anymore. I fucking finally hit puberty (GODDAMN IT WAS FUCKING LATE) and my voice is really deep and I've been growing quite a bit of facial hair, which is nice. I don't look like a fucking girl anymore because I stopped dressing like one and wearing makeup and stuff. I realized that being mistaken for a girl felt like shit and tumblr was shit for encouraging that, just because I'm gay. I haven't hurt myself since September 4th, 2017. So that's also good. I've seen the bad things in mom that I couldn't see before. (Even though there's literally. Nothing that should have made your fucking cunt mother and father disown Pauline and mom and I.) I've made more friends and lost a lot too. I've done more writing, but nothing too edgy. I got my shit together in school and I'm going to CCCC starting in the fall. I almost have my driver's license. One of my best friend's moms is the manager at Starbucks and I talked to her about hiring me, so I'm getting a job soon, too. I started learning the piano again, for the first time in 12 years. Since the last time your mom taught it to me. I started cooking more, and have made some pretty amazing dishes, if I do say so myself. Mom and I sent you and Simon birthday and Christmas presents every year. They always were sent back. Except for your 16th birthday. I bought you a pineapple pizza club pin and an orange dad hat with an orange on it. Those are the only things that ever haven't been sent back. I sent a note with them too. Did you read it? I hope so.

I brag about you all the time. Mostly about how smart you are. "My brother essentially taught himself pre-calculus in 10th grade, and STILL passed the class," I say. I then go on to explain that you were homeschooled and your math teacher almost never showed up to the online classes.

I've wondered often about what college you're going to go to, or even if you are going. We used to plan to go to one together. I can't even remember what I wanted as a career the last time we talked. I remember that you had no idea, though. I remember you being really good at coding. Maybe you're majoring in computer sciences? I don't know.

I really miss you a ton. Before she kicked me out, mom used to encourage me to send you a letter. I never did. I was scared. Scared of getting a letter back like the one I sent to Simon on his eighth birthday, or the Christmas package we sent in 2017. Both came back to our house with "RETURN TO SENDER!!!!!!!" written in thick black sharpie on the front. Even worse, I imagined a letter back in your handwriting. I would've been so, so ecstatic. Beyond thrilled. Then upon opening it, finding a handwritten letter from you saying that you never wanted to hear from me again and that you hated me.

It was selfish of me. To not send you a letter. I'm sorry. I texted you twice. You blocked me the second time. It was too scary to me. I should've been brave. For you. Just so you knew I was thinking of you. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I miss you so much.

After I moved back to our hometown, I thought about going to your house. I texted one of your friends. He said that he could text you for me. He said that you said you miss me. And that you'd text me as soon as you turned 18. Tyler, you don't even know my number. I don't know if the guy was lying or not, but I don't think so. He doesn't seem like the type. He said that you wouldn't have him communicate for us. I don't know why.

I don't know why your parents hate me. I don't know what I did. For the longest time, my therapist and mom and Pauline told me that I didn't do anything, it had to have been something between mom and your mom. I didn't believe that at all. If it was just mom, why did they cut Pauline and I off...? But eventually I started to believe them. That was clearly a mistake, seeing how your mom treated me when I saw her. I wonder if she told you about that. She literally slammed the door in my face. In her own son's face. Who she always told would always have a home with her. Who she always told would always have a place in her heart, no matter what happened between mom and her. So clearly I did do something. I have no idea what. Could it really be that I asked about if I had been forgotten for a trip...? Was 15 years of raising a child completely disregarded because I was curious and confused? Again, I have no clue. I doubt I ever will. But if that is the case. If that's why specifically /I/ was cut off (because I know there was something else between mom and your mom that she literally never explained. Literally all mom and Pauline and I know is that apparently mom was "abusive" for years towards your mom, despite nobody ever seeing it, her never mentioning it before I went to Oak Grove, and her saying that she "knew it happened, but didn't know what it was"), then I doubt that your parents ever really loved me. If a simple question erases a lifetime of care and love and bonds and family, then all of those things were never really there.

It's 0737. Yeah, I still use military time. Also, I wanted to do a speech (in my speech class) on why a time system based on 10's would be better for the world. Remember? You wanted that. I couldn't remember the details, though. Anyway. It's 0738. There's 40 hours and 22 minutes until it's been two years since I've seen you.

I often wonder if you think about me. I think about you all the time. Have I faded from your memory? What am I to you now? Am I your brother, your closest confidant, your best friend, and your <>? Am I nothing? Just a faint thought, a distant memory? Or am I your worst enemy? Have your parents convicted you that I'm a horrible person? I desperately hope not. I hope you remember everything. And I hope that you realize that it's been a long time, and we both have matured a ton. Going from an edgy 10th grader who thinks dressing like a girl, screaming "GAY," and looking up undertale AU's are the coolest things ever to a college freshman who finally realized that sexuality shouldn't be a personality trait, being an edgy cunt isn't cool, and responsibilities are actually important is a big difference. I'm sure you've had some huge changes too. You're almost 18. As of today, there's 2 months and 2 days until your birthday. I've been waiting for it for so, so long. An eternity, it feels like. I'm so scared. I don't know if you hate me or not. I'm going to text you. I'm not sure on what, but something. I'll tell you happy birthday. Just so you know how to contact me in case you want to talk. I have no idea if you'll just block me right off the bat. I'm hoping so, so much that Nathanael wasn't saying you hate me.

It's 0756. There's 40 hours and 4 minutes until it's been two years since I've seen you. Error 404 means...something not found, right? I don't know. It doesn't matter.

I miss you. I love you.

Please come back soon.

- E. Nikolas B.

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auburnfamilynews · 4 years

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Do any of ya have the guts to play for blood??

With puffed out cheeks and incredible heartburn, we bring you the illustrious College & Magnolia staff picks for the 125th edition of the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry. Who will #BARNHARD? Who will BARN mildly? Who ain’t even barnin’ at all?

Auburn @ Georgia (-6.5) (O/U 44.5)

AUNerd

In my mind, this game is a true toss up. UGA will have the best unit on the field Saturday with their defense but I think they might also have the worst unit in their offense. Stetson Bennett looked good in relief. He took care of the ball and gave his playmakers a chance to make plays. Defensively, UGA was as solid as you would expect. As Auburn fans well know, it’s never easy to beat UGA especially in Athens.

But I like Auburn’s chances this weekend. In my non homer opinion, Auburn has the passing attack to keep this UGA defense on its heels and at least move the football. Defensively, if the Tigers can carry over their 2nd half performance against a better UK OL they have a chance to shut this UGA run game down & force whomever is at quarterback to consistently make plays through the air.

The most important key to Auburn’s victory is the offensive line. Can this rebuilt unit give Nix the time to get the ball to his wideouts? Can they pick up that needed 3 & short to keep the drive alive? I don’t expect Auburn to chew the Dawgs up on the ground but if they can be good situationally that might be all AU needs.

Turnovers & special teams will be huge in this game. Both Arkansas & Kentucky had a chance to pull the upset but both melted down with some terrible turnovers and bad special teams play. I don’t see either Auburn or UGA having similar meltdowns but one big returns or one ill advised throw could be the difference.

This series has hurt me more than any other. So many times Auburn has come into this game with a better team only to leave beaten often by insane margins. I understand folks’ hesitance to buy into this team getting it done. After all, it’s not like Gus Malzahn has excelled in top 10 road matchups.

But I believe in Bo Nix. I believe in this Auburn defense. I believe in Seth Williams and these wide receivers. And I believe this team gets it done in a stressful but ultimately cathartic way this weekend.

Auburn 23 UGA 17 (Auburn wins outright; under)

Jack Condon

I know I’m not alone in feeling all tied up in knots this week, and maybe that means we all realize that this game is important. If you were privy to the College and Mag group chat you’d know that there’s a thought that this game could end up being a turning point in Gus Malzahn’s career. He’s failed to beat Alabama, Georgia, or LSU on the road during his tenure, and despite some excellent chances in all three venues, Saturday night’s game might be the best opportunity Auburn has had to beat the Bulldogs in Athens.

We saw what happened last week, and we laughed and laughed as they trailed 7-5 to Arkansas at halftime. Still, the most Georgia-quarterback-named Georgia quarterback turned up and put up some points in the second half and made them all feel a little better. Arkansas is no real threat yet, and still they had the Bulldogs on the ropes for much longer than Kirby Smart would have liked. Georgia’s got exactly one playmaker in George Pickens, even though he only caught 4 passes for 47 yards. The offensive line looked like a mess, and Arkansas missed some serious opportunities to roll up big plays against a defense that’s among the best in the country.

Auburn, meanwhile, turned the corner in the second half against Kentucky. The defensive line came to play (you’d know that if you studied your AU Nerd articles) and the offense kept pressure off of Bo Nix, whose trust allowed Seth Williams to bless poor Kentucky defenders. We need to see more out of the running game, and we need to avoid a slow defensive start that would give a tepid Georgia offense some confidence, but I think Kevin Steele’s more than up to the task.

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate admitting the small bubble of hope in my stomach, but I think that this actually is a turning point for Auburn and Gus. What an entire season usually builds up to will happen in the second week of the year, and I think that ripping off the band-aid will be beneficial for Auburn. We’re going to see Nix and Williams show a top team that they’re a top combination in the SEC, and we’re going to force a couple of turnovers from whoever plays quarterback for the Bulldogs. Those are the difference, and I think both Chad Morris and Kevin Steele get exotic Saturday night. Auburn 23-20 (Auburn wins outright; under)

Drew Mac

So, in case you didn’t know, I’m from Valdosta, Georgia. For those of you that don’t or have never lived in Georgia, this is my Iron Bowl. This is the reason I hate this game every year. Because winning it is fantastic. Losing it is so much worse. Therefore, since I have already started to have an evening beverage to calm my stomach for a game that is more than 72 hours away, I have recruited my good friend and selected brother Brad Tillery to give my prediction for me (because if it were me, I would say Dawgs 55-0 in the hopes that the it would trick the heathen Football Gods into giving us a win).

Brad: If you’re going by recent history, Georgia wins this game. They’ve won 8 of the last 10 in the series. Auburn hasn’t won in Athens since 2005. Even favored Auburn teams have played terribly against the Dawgs over the last 15 years. But history is just that: history. Auburn comes into the game with an experienced QB who protects the football, a plethora of talent at the skill positions, and a salty defense that should make life hell for whoever Georgia decides to put behind center Saturday. The Auburn offensive line could be a concern against the UGA front seven in the run game, but I expect Chad to lean heavily on Bo Nix’s right arm in this one. I also trust the AU defense to force a turnover or two as well against an inexperienced Georgia offense. Special teams should favor the Tigers here too.

A lot of younger Auburn fans may not realize that there was a time when Auburn dominated this series in Athens. It’s been 15 years since we’ve been able to pick some of the hedges as souvenirs. That streak ends Saturday.

AU - 20 UGA - 14 (Auburn wins outright; under)

Dr. Will

I feel like it’s been said before and it needs to be said again: This is a Must Win for Gus Malzahn. You have Georgia early on the schedule after years of having to worry about playing Georgia and Bama nearly back to back. Not this year. While you’ll have some in the stands, you don’t have a full stadium of people barking at you to deal with because of COVID. You’ve got the more experienced QB in this game as I don’t think anyone knows for sure what to expect out of the QB position for UGA this weekend.

And despite all of this, I’ve been burned multiple times when I try to Barn Hard. So this week, I’m taking the cautious approach.

The reason? Quite frankly, the 2016 game has scarred me. Never go into Athens (over) confident. Everyone thought for sure that would be the day Auburn would break through and win in Athens. Even Georgia fans that I came across in Athens before the game thought that. It didn’t happen.

This is your chance Auburn to shift the narrative in the league, to turn the heat up on Georgia in both recruiting and the shape of the SEC for years to come. To whip the dog crap out of Kirby on his homefield.

But the bottom line is this: Gus has to win the big one on the road before I can trust picking Auburn in this kind of game. So that said..... I hope like hell I’m wrong and we get the break-through win we have been waiting on for years but.......

Georgia 20 Auburn 17 (Georgia wins, Auburn covers; under)

Ryan S. Sterritt

This is the one you have to win if you’re Gus. No excuses. You have the established quarterback. The healthy offense. The good first week. With a 2-6 career record against Georgia, this is the one you Have. To. Have.

It’s going to be tough sledding for the Auburn offense. They figured things out in the second half vs Kentucky, and looked pretty polished in doing so, but this Georgia defense is loaded with talent. By my count, they’ve got four different guys in Tankathon’s Big Board Top 100, including two corners. Auburn is going to have to run the ball better than they did against Kentucky, which I think is possible, but not a given. I also think they know Seth Williams is a superstar, and they’re going to give him double coverage all day long. That leaves it up to Chad Morris and Bo Nix to figure out what the weak spot is. Are Anthony Schwartz and Eli Stove going to be left wide open? Will Bo need to run the ball? They don’t pay me the big bucks to figure that out, but I can’t wait to see.

On the other side of the ball, this is a chance for this defense to really show out. The Georgia offense looked wretched in the first half, and *fine* in the second half against Arkansas, but that Arkansas defense ranked 88th in the country in defensive SP+ last year. Even if they’re marginally improved, they’re still not good. Just like Seth will be the UGA defense’s focus, George Pickens is THE guy in the Georgia offense. I imagine he will see a healthy dose of Roger McCreary, but there’s no telling who wins that battle. Who knows what Georgia will be trying at quarterback, and while they have elite talent at running back, the ground game really looked rough against Arkansas.

Overall, I like Auburn in this one, and I don’t really see how Georgia is getting a touchdown in this game, unless you really believe last week was week one jitters. I think the Auburn playmakers get enough done on offense to post up a few scores, and something tells me whoever is taking snaps for Georgia is going to have a long night. Auburn breaks the drought in Athens, 27-20. (Auburn wins outright; over)

Josh Black

I think this game is one that we’ll look back on in 2 years and be able to make sense of where there are some potential program shakeups in the conference. The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry has gone from one of my most anticipated weeks of the year to something I dread.

Oh, you thought it was because of the feeling that we are going to lose? No. Nah. Not that. I can live with that. No, I’m tired because it is getting increasingly more difficult to find fresh, relevant content that appropriately conveys just how long it has been (14,518 days as of this writing) since Georgia last did something other than underachieve as a program. It’s a burden, along with consistently reminding Spencer Hall of how Wes Byrum is, in fact, pretty cool, that I proudly tote along with so many of you fine people. But let’s be honest…we all got a gift with the Braves winning a playoff series so that we could remind the world that their last playoff series win was 19 years ago, which was 21 years after Georgia’s last title. Like, what a blessing! But that aside, I’m really having to do some deep dives.

Like, I realized today that my house, which was built 30 years ago, is in a neighborhood that most definitely did not exist 40 years ago. I live in Birmingham. Basically my mind drifted to realizing that the entire bane of so many folks’ existing, the 280 corridor, literally did not exist because it was all woods and farmland 40 years ago outside of Lloyd’s Restaurant. Georgia’s greatest accomplishment is essentially that old country kitchen restaurant that serves a hamburger steak with gravy and onions that your parents took you to with your grandparents when they were in town after church. Sure, there’s fond memories there, but my God who needs that sort of gut grenade in this already awful year?

Anyways, let’s talk about the game. And let me go ahead and once again remind all of you that I am the absolute worst at this “Barnin’” thing y’all do. The world is against us and when we overcome the world it is because Auburn Jesus has smiled down upon us. I wish I could feel differently. I really do. But the only time I’ve ever truly felt safe was when I could see the joyous smile of Cameron Jerrell Newton.

Let’s get to some keys to victory:

For us to win this game Georgia is going to have to look less like ass than they did a week ago, but with some of that assiness sifting over to the defensive side of the ball.

Auburn doesn’t need to rush for 150 yards to win this game, but I do think the number needs to be around 120. We have to give the defense the threat of a ground game for us to get in positions with Georgia’s secondary that are favorable.

For Auburn to win, I am going to single out Eli Stove as a huge reason why. Everyone has spent all week talking about how amazing Seth Williams was last weekend, and everyone knows the legitimate threat Flash imposes on every single snap he’s in the game. It’s time for Eli to flourish in an offense that will let him loose. He’s the most likely to be in favorable coverages Saturday, and it’s high time he show off why he was a highly recruited kid for us like…a decade ago?

Like others here, I expect the right side of Georgia’s offensive line to be a liability. Plainly put, their run blocking last week was an embarrassment and lacking in fundamentals. That’s an advantage because it shows they’re missing much needed reps to gel in fall camp. Wouldn’t hurt my feelings one bit to see the refs have no reason not to throw the flag on some obvious holds like last weekend.

Knock George Pickens on his ass. We can win without doing that, but I wanted to get that in here somewhere.

Here’s the thing that sucks about this…I’m trying to go with my gut as opposed to my heart. And in these early games in a year where football is being played during a pandemic that cost the sport all of spring training and almost every team massive inconsistencies with personnel during fall camp, the most known and trusted commodity on the field Saturday is the Georgia defense. And it’s my belief that our offensive line will improve throughout the year, but asking them to give us 120 yards on the ground and keep that defense honest in week 2 after not having much time together as a unit this summer thanks to Covid is asking too much.

Georgia 17 Auburn 13 (Georgia wins, Auburn covers; under)

Josh W

I joked on twitter the other day that I wasn’t healthy enough for Auburn/Georgia. I get the feeling that Saturday night will be an absolute nerve-wracking 60 minutes. COVID robbed us of March Madness, so my body is not yet conditioned for ultra-high tension Auburn athletics. Last week’s game against Kentucky was a great warm-up, but if I’m being honest, I never truly felt like Auburn was going to lose. I hardly felt any tension at all. Saturday night will be the exact opposite of this.

I know this isn’t true for all of you reading this, but Georgia is my personal biggest rival. I’d rather beat Georgia than anyone else on the schedule (that includes Alabama! Shocking!) We have no idea what we will see out of Georgia’s offense. I don’t think it’s going to matter much; neither team will need much offense Saturday night. Look for a low scoring bloodbath between these two institutions. Hit the under (trust me) and look for Seth to have a 6+ catch game.

Auburn 19 Georgia 16 (Auburn wins outright; under)

AU Chief

@#$% Georgia Auburn 27 - Georgia 0 (Auburn wins outright; under)

Crow

This is the weirdest football season of our lifetimes and it’s a terrible time to have a game that somehow decides the legacy of a coach. That said, there’s a decent chance this game has a lot more riding on it than the usual high stakes of rivalry and bloodlust. If there is one thing I know about Gus, it is that he seems to have an uncanny ability to win the games he “needs” to win. Which is why he is going to go into Athens and come out with a 5 year extension. Auburn 29 dwags 14 (Auburn wins outright; under)

AU_Jonesy

During the Braves 13-inning marathon win over the Reds on Wednesday, my smartwatch had my “resting” heart rate at over 100 for about 2 hours. I have a feeling Saturday evening is going to be even worse. Auburn absolutely should win this game. They have the better quarterback. They have the better receiving corps. They have the better linebackers. Roger McCreary probably gives them an equal secondary by himself.

I was there in 2005, and I was there in 2016. I’ll believe Auburn can win in Athens again when I actually see it. Something will go horrendously wrong. Watch out for the return game. Georgia had excellent field position all day against Arkansas, and that’s something that could be marginal enough to change this game. My heart says Auburn by 14. Alas... Georgia 19 Auburn 15 (Georgia wins, Auburn covers; under)

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topmixtrends · 6 years

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IT WAS THE mid-1970s, and medicine’s so-called golden age was beginning to lose its luster. The pharmaceutical industry was booming, a sure sign to some that the medical profession had sold its soul — if it ever had one to begin with — to big business. Indeed, that was what Ivan Illich, a Catholic priest and philosopher, charged in a damning, if arcane, attack on what he called the “iatrogenic” culture of medicine: its healers’ tendency to bring forth harm.

Illich did not believe physicians were intentionally trying to hurt their patients. Rather, he blamed the system in which they practiced, one that was oriented toward a dispassionate embrace of science at the expense of humility and humanity. As a spiritual thinker, Illich held a deeper concern that doctors had become cogs in an institutional machine that robbed them of the ability to adequately address human suffering. In 1975, Illich’s takedown of the profession, Medical Nemesis, became a nonfiction best seller.

Illich had an unlikely ally in Hollywood, where a young, Harvard-trained MD named Michael Crichton was broadcasting calls for medical reform through fiction. Crichton had already achieved commercial success with the novel The Andromeda Strain (made into a film by Robert Wise), and, in 1973, he wrote and directed a movie that used his insider knowledge of the medical present to project a dire posthuman future. The movie was called Westworld. In an interview in Playboy, Crichton explained that medicine’s obsession with the scientific cutting edge had cast the “the physician as technician and the patient as a biological machine that was broken.”

In 2018, the priest and the pulp fiction writer both seem like prophets. One of the most talked about shows of this year has been HBO’s Westworld, a reboot of Crichton’s 1973 film. This has also been the year when Silicon Valley’s heroic self-narrative began to crumble under the weighty evidence of its dystopic potential, allowing Westworld to emerge as shorthand for anxieties about human’s relationships to their machines. The Bleeding Edge is a timely and harrowing new documentary for Netflix that exposes, much like a Crichton tale, medical innovation gone out of control. The film’s aesthetic self-consciously echoes Westworld’s intro, featuring seductive imagery of medical technology against a spooky soundtrack. And the analogy works. While medical devices are less sexy than scantily clad androids, they both become possible in a world where innovation is its own justification and regulation more often protects those who make technology than those whose bodies it alters. And like Westworld, The Bleeding Edge is a contemporary portrait of how a misguided quest for innovation is eroding the forms of connection that make us human.

Under the regulatory apparatus of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), the category of medical device includes everything from tongue depressors and heating pads to imaging technologies and implantable technologies ranging from stents to pacemakers. It is this last category, devices that become an enduring part of the patients in whom they are implanted, that claim the spotlight in The Bleeding Edge. Are such medical devices a “means to an end of unleashing innovation to improve and save lives,” as one industry lobbyist featured in the film insists to a room full of business people and politicians? Or are they the latest instruments of the iatrogenic culture of medicine? By 2050, the techno-optimists of this room are told, their organs will be custom-regenerated and their doctors will be computers. It’s a futurist fantasy that’s at least a century old but has yet to become obsolete. A reporter covering the medical industry goes so far as to suggest that the production and use of medical devices are not only “a way of life for post-industrial society — they are a reason for the existence of post-industrial society.”

The Bleeding Edge, by veteran filmmaking team Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering, shows the violent side of this industrial Wild West, one that has wrought tremendous suffering for those whose bodies have become crucibles of innovation. The medical device industry, which is both more powerful and far less regulated than its pharmaceutical companion, is also perhaps more deeply cannibalistic, turning patients into expendable consumers without any incentive or regulatory burden to account for its costs. The emotional and evidentiary core of the film is a disparate group of Americans who might best be described as survivors of medical innovation. In several cases, the medical devices in question are connected to elective procedures that lead to a cascade of new medical problems — ones that shrewd device manufacturers will likely seize as emerging markets.

When the body becomes a site of industry, it also becomes a window into some of the most intimate consequences of governance in our late industrial age. Though the FDA was created in 1907, it wasn’t until 1976 that laws were put in place to regulate medical devices. With the exception of a few relatively minor amendments (the most significant being the 1990 Safe Medical Device Act, which authorizes FDA to recall devices after they are on the market) those are the laws we still have. And those laws do not even require that devices be safe or effective in order to be approved. David Kessler, a former FDA commissioner, is blunt in his diagnosis: “The system doesn’t work.” It never did, and as devices have become more complex and more intimate — over the past 10 years, nearly 70 million Americans have been implanted with devices — the regulatory system that many imagine protects them is an agent of injury.

The relationship between profit and protection is an essential tension facing regulators in the United States, who see the flourishing of industry as necessary for maintenance of capitalism. Yet, the FDA is a system that one interviewee describes as a “revolving door,” in which agency leadership is populated by people who work in industry (and often after leaving, such figures go on to help provide guidance to medical device companies in navigating the system). This insight collapses the distinction between public and private interests — one that has been used to imagine a form of knowledge-making that is purified of the market.

If I had not myself studied the history of medical device regulation, I might have a hard time accepting the veracity of this state of affairs. And while I cannot vouch for the individual cases featured in The Bleeding Edge — which range from poisonous hip replacements to slinky-like implants to prevent pregnancy — the filmmakers have unquestionably homed in on a scandal that predates Trump and will likely post-date him, if we can survive the present, let alone bask in the future of 2050 that has so captivated device manufacturers.

Not that Trump is off the hook. Kirby and Ziering show the “revolving door” in action as Scott Gottlieb, a major industry insider, is installed as FDA commissioner — a turn of events that is celebrated by the lobbyists interviewed. By this point in the film, it becomes easier to imagine a future of robotic doctors than an overhaul of the regulatory system in an administration that seems set against social goods.

We become acquainted with the da Vinci surgical robot (hailed by newscasters as Dr. Robot) and the shocking circumstances of its approval and marketing. This “device” is a big-ticket item that allows surgeons to conduct precision operations by manipulating its mechanical arms like an arcade game. It was developed to overcome certain technical limitations of laparoscopic surgery, which reduced complications associated with traditional “open” surgery. However, da Vinci has not demonstrated similar improvements and often loses money for hospitals. In fact, its greatest value has been as a marketing tool, leading consumers to confuse elaborate technology with better care, driving demand for a machine that may not serve them well. Da Vinci didn’t pass through the most stringent review process, but an FDA regulator intervened to ensure that it could go through the less stringent 510(k) pathway, which allows devices to be approved on no other basis than “substantial similarity” to previously approved devices — even if those devices have since been taken off the market. This “approval by daisy chain” as one expert dubs it, is less a regulatory procedure than, as Kessler explains, “an exception that became the rule.” Or, from the perspective of industry, a loophole.

Throughout the film, we hear politicians, including Trump, argue that innovation is central to job creation. Yet injuries caused by unproven devices are making some unable to work. Many of the survivors profiled have had their work lives negatively affected, and, as will come as no surprise, those who are most socioeconomically precarious before their encounter with a faulty device are least equipped to heal.

Take Ana Fuentes, an administrative assistant who experiences debilitating pain after being implanted with a device intended to induce sterilization. She tells us that her doctors dismissed her accounts of pain, claiming that Latina women are more sensitive. (Recent studies have shown that physicians are significantly more likely to underestimate the pain of people of color, of women, and especially of women of color.) Her husband leaves her because she cannot have sex without severe pain. Indeed, she is in pain even when not having sex and soon loses her job. We last see her having made the wrenching decision to put her four young daughters into foster-care run by her church.

Yet, even an affluent, white, established male physician can find himself cast as an unreliable narrator of his own suffering. We also meet Stephen Tower, an athletic orthopedic surgeon who becomes a patient in need of a hip replacement. Seduced by the promise of a new breed of metal hip, he soon begins having memory problems culminating in a full psychotic break at a medical conference. Blood tests reveal high levels of cobalt in his blood which he has the wherewithal to remember as the innovative component of his bionic joint. When surgeons open him up, they find the device decayed, evidence that poisonous cobalt has leaked into his system. As he makes a full recovery, he is chilled by the realization that his own patients, for whom he had recommended and even implanted this same cobalt hip, are similarly afflicted. Some have even been wrongly diagnosed with Parkinson’s or dementia as a result of their symptoms. Tower’s efforts to undo the harm caused by his cure transform him into a reluctant activist, unable to appreciate why his scientific evidence is unpersuasive to those regulators he believes should be collecting it themselves.

This raises the deeper question of the meaning of scientific objectivity when the evidence is pain — especially, as the filmmakers go out of their way to demonstrate, the pain of women. One of the central arcs of the film follows the grassroots activism of women harmed by a device called Essure, the slinky-like metal coil they had permanently implanted in their fallopian tubes to prevent pregnancy and the same one Fuentes received. They share a symptomology that includes debilitating chronic physical pain, which also results in emotional trauma. Many are unable enjoy sexual intimacy with their male partners. Injury, it becomes clear, is not only physical or relegated to the individual user. It is relational. It is a social problem with profoundly intimate consequences, but it is also an intimate problem with social potential.

In a memorable scene, a delegation of women representing more than 10,000 reported cases of Essure-induced injury meet with a series of female Congresswomen. Louise Slaughter (D-New York), who passed at the age of 88 earlier this year, sympathetically observes, “Women seem to be expendable.” Rosa DeLauro (D-Connecticut), who happens to be my representative, ironically suggests that they are invincible. “Welcome to the NFL. You can’t get tired [if you’re female],” she declares. But what if you’re playing while injured (which we know many NFL players are)?

When the Essure activists do get an audience with FDA Commissioner Gottlieb, it feels like a small miracle of justice. And they do achieve a modicum of success: the FDA will require doctors to state the risks of Essure to future potential users. However, lax regulation in the United States has allowed the device industry to become a major player on the international scene. And there’s another cruel irony at play. The activism of American Essure users leads to the creation of Facebook groups across Europe where women find solace in shoe leather epidemiology, the hard-won knowledge that they are not alone. They are not crazy. After European regulators demand better evidence, Bayer, the company who makes Essure, chooses to pull out of the European market while also issuing a statement undermining the activists efforts to get news media to cover their story, claiming that reporting on the scandal is “inaccurate and biased.” The device remained on the American market until this week, when Bayer announced it will discontinue sales of Essure. But not because the device is dangerous — which the company continues to deny. Rather than accepting the testimony of tens of thousands of women, the company has continued to blame them for the decline of what they continue to insist is a safe and effective device. The idea that someone who has had their reproductive system painfully destroyed is “biased” is tautological at best, a form of medically and legally sanctioned rape.

Yet it’s not a simple choice between innovation or Luddism. It’s not even about doing a better job of maintaining and making do with the technologies we have that work, though that is important too. Until those in power are made to accept ordinary people’s expressions of pain as legitimate forms of knowledge about the world, the logics of innovation will remain but rhetorical designs that sanction injury of those seeking care. In the meantime, it will be other forms of human ingenuity — philosophy, fiction, film — that give inspiration to create less violent futures.

Joanna Radin is a historian of biomedical futures, based at Yale. She is currently at work on a book about Michael Crichton’s influence on the politics of truth.

The post Caring for Capitalism appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

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yahoo-roto-arcade-blog · 6 years

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Closing Time: Freddy Peralta graduates

Thus far, rookie Freddy Peralta looks terrific from every angle (AP/Morry Gash)

The Brewers are in first place in the NL Central, 2.5 games clear of the Cubs. It’s a fun and highly-watchable team, a mix of names you know and names you’re getting to know.

Add Freddy Peralta to that latter group. And give Peralta his graduation papers, he’s pushed his ownership tag to the point that we can’t discuss him as a reasonable add any longer. He’s climbed over the 50-percent threshold, and the future looks bright. We’re now trying to figure out where the story is headed.

The backstory should be a review, stuff we discussed two weeks back (when he was five percent owned). Peralta is a 22-year-old rookie who’s been a strikeout ace at Triple-A and a revelation in four MLB starts. The Twins got the better of Peralta in his second turn, but he’s been a knockout in the other three appearances.

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Start with a 13-strikeout debut at Coors Field, with just one hit allowed. That’s insane. Peralta also tamed the Pirates over six scoreless innings, and Tuesday against Kansas City, it was more bagel parade (7 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 10 K).

Now would be a good time to run some Peralta video. Filthy is as filthy does.

Okay, no one gets a trophy for stopping the 2018 Royals, but appreciate the likely Signature Significance in front of us. Thus far 29 pitchers have managed at least two double-digit strikeout starts, and Peralta made it on just four appearances. He’s sitting on a 1.59 ERA, a 0.71 WHIP, and nine walks against 35 strikeouts over 22.2 innings. These are Wiffle Ball stats.

Of course the kid is going to eventually regress, that’s not any eureka moment. No one is this good. And the Brewers will have a clogged rotation soon enough; Zach Davies should return from the disabled list next week. Peralta’s spot in the rotation isn’t carved in stone, not yet anyway.

That said, the Brewers fancy themselves contenders (consider the Lorenzo Cain and Christian Yelich trades in the offseason), and they need to respect anyone who’s getting it done right now. And the schedule might come in handy as Craig Counsell tries to navigate the glut of pitching. Milwaukee doesn’t have an off day until the All Star Break, and there’s also a doubleheader in the second week of July. The Crew could easily decide to run with six starters, let the logjam figure itself out.

No matter what, Peralta is set to start against the Reds this weekend. Screw Harvey Day (his opponent), it’s Peralta Day. After that, Counsell has some decisions to make.

The only reasonable assumption I see is Peralta hanging around. I always consider my entire fantasy roster tradable, but I’d have to really like a Peralta offer at this moment. The upside is too tantalizing. I’m probably going to hold on with both hands and see where the ride takes us.

• I recognize many fantasy owners dream of complete domination and demolition, assembling an All-Star roster and just crushing opponents.

Hey, I have nothing against star players. Everyone needs a few. But I feel more satisfaction when I find production from a hidden or unlikely source.

Consider Gorkys Hernandez in San Francisco.

Hernandez has been around, stopping in Pittsburgh and Miami before hitting San Francisco in 2016. He played often last year, and did extremely little in 310 at-bats — a .255/.327/.326 slash, no home runs, 12 steals. The bags are nice, the average mediocre, the power nonexistent. The Giants viewed him as a disposable depth player to open the year.

Alas, Hernandez is playing often, and playing quite well. In his age-30 season, he’s apparently figured some stuff out. He has a nifty .284/.338/.482 slash over 68 games, with 10 homers (where did that come from?) and four steals. He’s batted leadoff in seven of his last 10 starts.

He was the hero in Tuesday’s 3-2 win over Colorado, with an early homer (a center-field blast) and the go-ahead walk, plating a run, in the eighth. The leash gets longer.

SFGiants fans March 2018: Why do we still have Gorkys Hernandez? June 2018: Where would we be without Gorkys Hernandez!

— Batting Stance Guy (@BattingStanceG) June 23, 2018

Hernandez was a secondary prospect in his early days, cracking the Top 100 for two major ranking sites in 2008 and 2009. But he was never slotted higher than No. 62 (Baseball America, 2009). He really can’t be called a post-hype prospect; the full hype never arrived.

Hernandez is hitting the ball harder this year, obviously a good thing. He’s also become more aggressive, perhaps hyper aggressive — his walk rate is down a speck, and his strikeout rate has spiked to 28.4 percent. Some might feel this approach will catch up to Hernandez sometime, with all the swinging strikes and out-of-zone chases. But perhaps this is a player who’s learned how to sell out for power and take advantage of it. Selective aggression can actually be an extremely valuable tool at the plate.

I don’t blame anyone who screams out “pumpkin” and doesn’t want in on Hernandez. But at some point we have to trust what’s in front of us. Over the last five weeks, he’s the No. 20 outfielder in 5×5 value. That is no longer a tiny sample size. You don’t have to put Hernandez on an extended leash, but I’m fine to see where this story goes — he’s already on a handful of my rosters.

Hernandez is still available in 92 percent of Yahoo leagues. He’s lagging far behind the ownership tags of Dexter Fowler and Bradley Zimmer, for crying out loud. Remember, we really don’t care about the name. We just want the numbers.

• The Giants closing chase didn’t clean up Tuesday, even with the 3-2 victory.

Mark Melancon worked the eighth and allowed two hits and a run. Lefty Tony Watson retired one batter, two pitches, and cleaned up the Melancon mess. Sam Dyson survived the ninth (double, walk) when D.J. LeMahieu’s sharply-hit ball turned into a game-ending double-play. To be fair, the leadoff double off Dyson was a bloop, a total fluke. But had he merely recorded one out during LeMahieu’s at-bat, the Giants probably would have summoned lefty Will Smith to face Charlie Blackmon. Dyson only threw 11-of-19 pitches for strikes, and walking Chris Iannetta is inexcusable.

How badly did you need those saves, again?

• It’s not easy to figure Detroit’s bullpen, given the team is going nowhere. But Shane Greene has struggled this week, picking up two losses and pushing his ERA over 4. That 1.27 WHIP is mediocre, too. If and when the Tigers want to try someone else, Joe Jimenez (2.65/1.04, 41 K, 9 BB) has the profile of a closer. (Of course, Jimenez was knocked around Monday, too.)

I’m also holding onto Kirby Yates in San Diego, partly for the wipeout innings and partly for the possibility that Brad Hand is traded later this summer. To be fair, the Padres could and maybe even should shop Yates, too. They’re in a rebuild, and relief pitchers are a luxury for non-contending clubs. In the meantime, look at Yates’s 2018 domination — 0.82 ERA, 0.85 WHIP, 40 whiffs against nine walks over 33 innings. He’s turned himself into a fantasy asset in medium and deep mixed leagues.

Have to figure Nick Kingham is back up with the Pirates sooner or later (Kuhl may be hurt). Kingham is at six-percent in Yahoo. Up and down first six starts, but his WHIP is under 1 and he averaged a strikeout per inning. Had a pedigree before TJ surgery. A good speculative play.

— scott pianowski (@scott_pianowski) June 27, 2018

• Whatever they did to fix Matt Carpenter, man oh man, it’s worked. Carpenter was hitting .140 as recently as May 15, but that’s when the party started. He’s on a .349/.424/.691 barrage in his last 38 games, with 33 runs, 12 homers, and 23 RBIs. (Sorry, he’s not a baserunner. But he does grab three positions in Yahoo leagues.)

Carpenter’s best game of the year came Tuesday against Cleveland, a 5-for-5 explosion with a double and two homers. Pretty heady stuff when you consider Corey Freaking Kluber started for the Tribe.

It’s likely Carpenter was playing hurt for the first few weeks of the year, and he’s also maintained a strong hard-hit profile all year. Some bad luck played into the nightmare start, sure. But no one bats .140 for six weeks without being part of the problem. The good news is that when Carpenter finally broke this slump, the signs were clear to see — he didn’t merely start collecting hits, he started ripping extra-base knocks. He batted .393 in the second half of May, with nine doubles, four homers, and a .738 slugging percentage.

Obviously not every slumping player gets a smooth landing. As I’ve said for years, everyone comes around, except when they don’t. But now we have to consider Carpenter back in the $20 and up class, especially when we factor in the three positions of eligibility. Heck, it wouldn’t be a stretch to put him on the All-Star team — his .136 OPS+ is just four points from a personal best, and he could be especially useful for the NL given his defensive versatility.

Follow the Yahoo fantasy baseball crew on Twitter: Andy Behrens, Dalton Del Don, and Scott Pianowski

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