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#he better do something badass i swear
breadbrobin · 4 months
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campfire games
luke castellan x reader - percy jackson and the olympians
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[established relationship, fem!daughter of ares reader]
summary: bets are fun, until they aren’t. you’re fine though. luke knows you’re an absolute badass.
warning: pushy male behaviour, suggestive comments, swearing, bets, threats, assault (physical), sexual harassment.
word count: 1.6k
(help i’m writing too many of these but this is the only other good one also feel free to leave requests yall i’m on summer break i have so much time and need something to do 🤩🤩)
(also i am still in love with luke castellan thank you very much I CAN FIX HIM PLSSSS)
(also very sorry to anyone named andrew it was the first name i thought of)
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there wasn’t much that your siblings in the ares cabin liked more than winning capture the flag, but watching you tear down another boys’ ego was definitely one of those few things.
campfires were great for many reasons. singing, marshmallows, games—and bets. when chiron and mr d. turned in for the night early, something that rarely happened, the bets would come out. guys would try and talk to you, your siblings would intercept them, find out what they wanted, then place bets among themselves and with other campers as to how long it would take you to tear them down a few notches, or, on occasion, tear them a new one.
clarisse patted your shoulder as two of your brothers talked to another camper. “incoming.”
“details?” you picked at the chipped red polish of your fingernails.
“son of apollo. been here for about two months. andrew. something about wanting to go on a date with you and thinking you’re prettier than the aphrodite girls.” she rolled her eyes. “he tried it on with me before and doesn’t like taking no for an answer, so break his spirit completely. or, you know, his bones.”
you saluted her teasingly. “yes, ma’am. you can count on me, sergeant.”
she patted your shoulder again with a joking grin. “good on you, private. godspeed.”
with that, she left you sitting alone.
well, not really alone.
luke castellan had somehow ended up as your bodyguard in all of these cases. probably something to do with the fact that you’d been dating in secret for the last three months. you weren’t a huge fan of keeping your relationship a secret, but when you’d told clarisse, she told you that her and your other siblings wanted to keep making easy money, and betting on me was the best way to do that. since everyone thought you and luke hated each other anyway, it was easy enough to keep it up, but as your mocking remarks turned to teasing, then to flirting, it was getting more and more difficult. and as he was getting more attractive each day, it was getting harder not to kiss him in front of everyone at camp.
you swivelled in your seat to look up at him. he was sitting three rows back, almost hidden in the darkness, a distinctly put out look on his face.
“you hear that?” you asked with raised eyebrows and a grin on your face. “he thinks i’m prettier than the aphrodite girls. when have you ever said that?”
“i told you you’re prettier than a model one time and you punched me,” he said dryly. “and then i said you look like a goddess while fighting and you punched me again.”
“in my defence, i did hate you at the time.” you shrugged. “got my back?”
“always.” he said seriously.
you grinned and winked at him as you turned around, waiting for the newest idiot to come annoy you.
luke had, once upon a time, been one of those idiots in your mind. he irritated you to no end. he was better than you at sword fighting, so you bested him at everything else. he was more popular than you, so you became one of the most well-liked people at camp. all of your attempts to break him down, however, only made him fall in love with you. now, there you were, wishing you could be sitting beside him instead of waiting for some loser to come annoy you to death.
“y/n, hey.” andrew said, sitting next to you, probably a little too close.
you looked over at him. “andrew, right?”
he nodded, his smile widening as you knew his name.
you sat up straighter and scrutinised him, looking him up and down. “yeah, you look like an andrew.”
you heard luke hide a laugh in his cup behind you.
andrew’s face fell a little, but he regained it quickly. “heard you were one of the best fighters in camp.”
“i am.”
“that’s pretty cool. i mean, i can help you become the best if you want.”
“no, i think i’m okay.”
“come on, i mean, everyone needs to improve. even the self-proclaimed best. bet i’m better at archery than you at least.”
you looked over at his smirk and had to stop yourself from smirking too. this would be too easy. “no. thanks, though. i’m good on my own. one of the best, remember.”
“you could be better. we should have a little challenge. a game.”
“i only play games with people i like.”
“you could like me.” he leaned a little closer. you leaned away slightly. “i bet i could make you like me.”
you had to stop yourself from laughing. “yeah, i don’t think so, buddy.”
‘buddy’ was usually all it took to break a man’s ego. you’d used it on luke many times during unusually flirtatious sparring, back when you still pretended to hate his guts. it didn’t work on him anymore, but it usually worked perfectly on everyone else.
andrew didn’t falter. “i bet i could. give me a chance. let me take on a date. show you a good time.”
“no, thanks,” you said calmly. your siblings were watching intently. clarisse looked ready to step in if you needed it. you wondered what he’d said or done to her to put her on edge. then you realised it wasn’t what he’d done to her. it was what he was about to do to you.
his hand was on your thigh, gripping onto the bare skin by the hem of your shorts.
his hand was on your thigh.
gross.
you looked up at him, eyes sharp. you could hear luke shifting slightly behind you. “what are you doing?” you voice was deathly calm.
“showing you that i can show you a good time, princess.” his voice oozed honey—sickly sweet and sticky, like a fly trap. good thing you hated honey.
“how about i show you how many bones there are in the hand? by breaking every single one.” your voice was equally as saccharine sweet, but your eyes were glaring daggers into his and your jaw was set tight.
he just shifted his hand higher. you tried to push him off but he was strong. annoyingly strong.
he tutted. “come on, sweetheart. you’re gonna make a scene.”
you finally managed to peel his hand off your skin. “i’ll make a scene, alright. get off me and leave me alone. and while you’re at it, leave my sister alone too.”
he raised his hands, a sickening, sleazy smirk on his face. “i was just being nice, princess. you and your sister need to relax. you especially. i can help you relax.”
“oh, i’d love that. you know how i relax?” you tilted your head mockingly, eyes hard. “i punch my enemies in the face.”
he laughed. “you’re cute. now, come on. it’s not like you’ve got anything going for yourself. i mean, you’re hot, sure, but no guys ever gonna look at you when they realise how much of a bitch you are. not like i will.”
you rolled your eyes and stood up. it was time to go and sit by luke. it grated at you, but if he wouldn’t listen to you, maybe he’d listen to another guy.
he didn’t let you leave. his hand gripped your wrist and pulled you back to him as he stood up too. you were chest to chest with him. he towered over you, at least six inches taller. you stepped back, but he pulled you in by your waist and laughed.
“look at how good we look together,” he smirked. “i could show you—“
you punched him in the stomach. he doubled over, finally letting you go, so you kneed his diaphragm. he gasped for air as you stepped back. your friend chris rodriguez whistled appreciatively.
“touch me, or anyone here, ever again and i won’t just hurt you.” you hissed at him. “i’ll beat your ass, then i’ll drag you past the boundary and leave you for the monsters. got it?”
he nodded, still hunched over.
“good boy,” you grit out.
“fucking bitch,” he grunted.
your eyes darkened, but you didn’t do anything. your siblings were right behind him, all ready to drag him away. “good luck walking tomorrow, andrew.”
“good luck finding a guy stupid enough to fuck you,” he scorned.
you laughed. “hey, luke?”
“yeah, babe?” he stepped down beside you, his hand settling on your hip and pulling you gently into his side. andrew faltered at the sight. he probably hadn’t even realised luke was up there.
“are you stupid enough to fuck me?” you asked with raised eyebrows.
he looked like he was trying not to laugh. “oh, i’m way past stupid.”
you didn’t care about any of your sibling’s bets anymore. you didn’t care that people thought you hated each other. you especially didn’t care that everyone was watching. you kissed him. and in front of the whole camp, he kissed you back.
your siblings groaned in disappointment, knowing their betting days were over, but you didn’t care. you smiled the stupidest smile ever as you pulled away, feeling like you’d just had your first kiss all over again.
“what?” he asked quietly.
“nothing.” you shook your head. “just glad we don’t have to hide anymore.”
after months of kissing behind buildings, pretending to fight in public and avoiding each other so people wouldn’t find out, it felt honestly freeing to kiss him in the open.
he kissed you again as your siblings dragged andrew away. “and all it took was an asshole.”
“thanks for not stepping in,” you said. “i had it handled.”
“oh, i know you did. i was more than happy to watch you destroy his ego.”
“good, because if you had stepped in—“
“i’d be going home in an ambulance?” he smiled.
“no, you’d be going home in a hearse.”
“ah, my bad.”
as the campfire kept burning, you sat down with luke. your legs were pressed against his and his arm was around your waist. there wasn’t much that you liked more than tearing boy’s egos down, but being with luke castellan was definitely one of those few things.
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duke-daemon · 3 months
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hazbin hotel redesigns wooooooooo
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okay so. i'm gonna discuss my thoughts about them n shit, putting under a readmore bc it's gonna get long and rambley. sorry in advance for the shit formatting, i'm on mobile </3
just some general shit about how i would rewrite it. i think the premise of redeeming sinners is entertaining but is executed horribly. i also am a fan of the "heaven isn't great either" idea but again, executed horribly. i'd make the hierarchy of angels more accurate because it's cool as hell and i have autism about it. the characters from hell would swear still (albeit not as much), but the angels would outright refuse to swear or make vulgar jokes ever. this would be partially to further the gap between heaven and hell and make the differences more stark.
hell would also be more like dante's inferno (again because i think its cool). the ars goetia would get a full redesign and would be more prevalent in demonic society.
now for the characters!
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VAGGIE VALTIEL:
starting off with vaggie, or Valtiel as i've renamed her because let's be honest her original name sucks. Valtiel (Val for short) was an aspiring power angel who wanted to be an exorcist. she looked up to lute and thought the idea of killing demons was really cool and badass. however when she actually was on the field for the first time she discovered how awful this actually was. she tried to help a few demons but lute figured it out and felled her right then and there. the rest of her story is relatively the same. personality wise she's more stoic and less prone to all-out aggression. she still get angry, sure, but it's in a quieter and more menacing way. you DO NOT want to fuck with Valtiel.
CHARLIE:
next up is charlie! i had two ideas for her. the first one (unsettling drawing) has her as a mannequin/doll type demon. lucifer and/or lilith was unable to conceive and as such they built a kid from scratch. she's overall similar to og charlie personality wise, very kind and cheerful despite her unsettling appearance. she struggles with empathy sometimes but really does mean well. her motive for rehabilitating sinners is so they get to see their family again. being able to see heaven from where they are in hell must make them sad, so she wants to help make them happy again!
the second idea for charlie has her as an angel. specifically i casted her as a dominion angel due to their reputation as holy judges. she was once a demon but has been rehabilitated and has risen into angelhood! she now wants to help her former kin do the same and redeem themselves in heaven's gaze. again, similar cheery personality, but a bit more prudish in this rendition
tangent time!
as a side tangent, valtiel and charlie would have a different relationship in this rewrite. their relationship felt shoehorned in in the original show, like it was just there for the hell of it. we didn't see much development between them and it just felt kinda bland. so in my rewrite, charlie and valtiel are amiable exes. they tried dating when valtiel first fell (when charlie was still a demon in the charlie-angel version) but realized their feelings for each other were much more platonic than romantic. they ended things off on good terms, deciding they were much better as friends. they are still besties to this day! later charlie ends up with emily (or 'ellie' as i plan to rename her)
back to the characters
Alastor:
note: i made alastor mixed-race, which could be seen as bad by some due to vivzie saying he's black. however, as many have pointed out, he has no ethnic features whatsoever and i honestly wouldn't be surprised if she said that just to get away with using voodoo symbols (a closed religion) in his imagery/design. like viv, i am incredibly white and have little to no knowledge of voodoo, and even if i did i would not use it for something like this anyways due to the stigma the religion already has and (again) it being a closed practice. as such i removed it from his concept altogether, but made him mixed race (white passing) because.. why not i guess, i forgor my actual reasoning
with that being said...
alastor is by far my favorite of the redesigns and i'm honestly tempted to turn him into a legally distinct oc. i imagine he's somewhat reserved, along the lines of norman bates albeit a bit more extroverted. during his life he was a serial killer with a day job as a radio announcer. he took pleasure in reporting about his own murders on the radio, but that is eventually what got him caught (ie accidentally letting slip info that wasn't released to the public). as a result he was sentenced to death. upon arriving in hell, he quickly rose through the ranks to borderline overlord status and is a feared presence by demons and sinners alike. why is he bothering to assist in the hotel project? who knows... his motives are a mystery, like the rest of what he does
(he isn't actually alastair crowley i just thought the naming convention was ironic. however he may have also dabbled with satanic magic in lifetime..)
Angel Dust:
TW: brief discussion of SA
this is definitely my second favorite redesign. i loooove insect themes and wanted to do more than just Extra Arms, so he now has fucked up legs and a lot of eyes too! story-wise, angel used to be a criminal mastermind, hated by both the mafia and the feds. he was a gentleman thief, arranging massive heists under the cover of night while also partaking in the occasional drag show. he ended up a cocaine addict later in life, which caused his work to become sloppier. eventually he was killed in a heist gone wrong, specifically shot by the police.
i'm not gonna go too in-depth on the SA part of his story, but he is hypersexual due to being assaulted in both his life and afterlife. it would be something he'd be working on in the rewrite. his reason for coming to the hotel in the first place may have even been for help with this trauma. underneath his sultry exterior is a broken guy who really just needs someone to care about him for who he really is and not for what his body can do.
LUTE:
so lute and adam are some of the characters i have the most gripes about. the biggest one being why viv chose adam as the leader of the exorcists in the first place. if she wants a biblical figure tied to demon killing, Archangel Michael is RIGHT THERE, aka the one destined to kill satan during the events of Revelations. if she wants the first human to die, that would be Abel, not Adam. and i kinda doubt abel would want to do the stuff that HH!adam has been doing. if she wants an angel related to torture, Dumah is her guy! an angel that rules over wicked souls and tortures sinners every day except sabbath. so many better options...
with that out of the way, Lute is still the lieutenant of the exorcist, who are a specially chosen group of powers sent to purge hell once a year. think navy seals. she's pretty much the same as in the show, albeit more muscular and visually different from other exorcists (seriously why do they all look exactly the same?????) she's a very repressed lesbian who hasn't had time to work on that due to her duties
i also redesigned the exorcist uniform/armor because those LED purge masks are fugly as hell and their clothes don't even look remotely like armor.
Adam + Final Thoughts
i did start a redesign of adam but got bored of it. regardless, i think he'd be the head of C.H.E.R.U.B. instead of the exorcists. he doesn't want his children to make the same mistakes he and eve did, so together they started C.H.E.R.U.B. to help lost souls stay out of hell
final thoughts uhhhh i'm tired. show sucks, it had so much potential but viv ruined it by being a shitty writer and an even shittier person. the designs are fine i guess but they all look exactly the same and are in desperate need of variety. the humor is dogshit, saying dick and balls and penis over and over and over again doesn't make it any funnier than the first three times you made that joke. anyways that's it, i hope you liked my inane ramblings. gonna go vanish for another forty years or so, adios
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sanipoyo · 4 months
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WHEN THEIR SON IS BEING PICKED ON FOR HAVING LONG HAIR
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note - jujutsu kaisen, a little angst, reader has a kid, i have severe baby fever. please help.
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CHOSO began to worry, as his son was in the bathroom for quite some time. he knocked on the door, putting his ear against it, listening to see if his son is alright. “go away!” his son shouts which immediately led choso to suspicion. “what are you doing in there?” choso asked with his hand on the doorknob, not wanting invade his son’s privacy. more suspicious behavior came from the other side of the door, further worrying your husband so he opened the door and peaked his head into the bathroom, seeing your son with a pair of safety scissors trying to cut his hair with them. this was a surprise, he had thought his son loved his shoulder length, black hair. choso’s lips immediately curled into a frown. “what’s up with you? you don’t want long hair anymore?” choso kneeled down, now face to face with his son, whose bottom lip began to quiver. through sniffles and tears, he explained that some kids from his school told him that having long hair made him look like a girl. you had made your way upstairs to see what the commotion was, only to see choso comforting your son. “i think your long hair is manly.” choso cooed to him. “don’t listen to those other kids. they’re jealous that they aren’t allowed to grow their hair out.” listening to him reassure your son made your heart warm.
GETO was styling your son’s hair for fun while you were sitting next to him, searching for a movie for the three of you to watch when you and geto heard a huff come from your son. “what’s the matter?” suguru questioned as he finished up giving his son the same hairstyle as him. “my hair makes me look like a girl.” he pouts, obviously holding back tears. “what makes you say that?”, geto asks, genuinely confused where this thought came from. “the kids at school tell me.” he says, voice trembling as he begins to cry. your heart breaks into a million pieces hearing this, you invite your son into your arms and he takes the offer, burying his face into your chest. “you know what i think?” geto asks with a faint smirk on his face, as your son peered towards him. “i think you’re way better than those kids at school. long hair is a symbol of courage.” you smile at your husbands words, he never fails at making you or your son feel better about yourselves. “next time they say that to you, punch those bastards in the face.” suguru whispers into his son’s ear, earning a giggle from a him. “are you two keeping secrets from me?”, you pretend to be in disbelief as the two boys give each other a thumbs up.
ITADORI and your son were playing with toy trucks and cars in his room while you folded his freshly done laundry. yuuji had noticed his son looking up at his hair with a disappointed look on his face. “what’s up? is my hair messy or something?” itadori questioned and your son sighs. “i want my hair like yours.” you and your husband both looked at each other, then back at your son. “dude, your hair is so cool! what makes you want to cut it?” yuuji asks him and he frowns. “the kids in my class say i look like a girl.” itadori rubs his son’s back, inevitably trying to stop him from crying. you take a seat next to him on the floor, noticing your husbands worried face as he comforts your son. “your hair doesn’t make you look like a girl, you look badass!” yuuji exclaims, winning a glare from you due to his swearing. “don’t let those lame kids pick on you.” he adds and you agree. in a mere second, itadori is teaching his son how to punch and kick for the next time those kids have something to say to him.
you and MEGUMI’s little family were having dinner, chatting about each others day. your son had seemed off, as he sat in his chair silently pushing his food around his plate with a fork. “whatcha thinkin’ about?” megumi asked your son but his eyes stayed focused on his plate. “i want a haircut.” he replied, this request was very out of the blue considering your son was the one who insisted on growing his hair out. your son took after megumi, his face always wore a scowl and he was easily annoyed by the kids his age. “what makes you want a haircut?” fushiguro interrogated, if there was one thing his son took pride in, it was his hair growth. constantly comparing the length from previous months to now. “gojo said it makes me look like a little girl.” megumi was furious. satoru always picked on your son in playful manner, no matter how many times you or fushiguro told him to quit it. “your hair doesn’t make you look like a girl—”, you began to say before getting cut off by your angry husband. “next time that blindfolded idiot says something to you, kick him in the groin. he looks like a girl even with short hair.” your husband’s grumpy response earns a little laugh from your son. now he’s got permission to attack gojo whenever he starts picking on him.
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Ⓒ all published work belongs to sanipoyo! do not copy/plagirize.
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thatdeadaquarius · 11 months
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Hi Aquarius!
I had an idea I wanted to share with you: SAGU creator reader who likes to make little bits and bobs for their acolytes. For example, Childe vaguely mentions that his gloves are starting to wear out? The creator crochets or knits him a new pair-Can’t have his fingers getting chilled in the Snezneyan snow now can we?
(I just wanna give my skrunklis lil gifts and make them happy is all :3)
(Also, could I possibly be 💌anon?)
WHOFOHNJDFjhkbfsgddf Genuine keyboard slam i just kinda slammed my hands down in excitement ahem-
That would be a lovely idea anon, yes very much so indeed,
so im like hella into giving ppl useful but still aesthetic/pretty gifts, like i dont want the things i give ppl to be things that get donated/thrown away (when i genuinely care abt a person)
Also IF I DIDNT RUN U OFF FOR BEING SO LATE YES HELLO U CAN DEFINITELY BE 💌 ANON THATS SO CUTE I LOVE THAT EMOJI-
Sun: Gender Neutral Reader (they/them only)
Planet: General SAGAU / Isekai Stuff, Platonic Cutenss
Orbit: Headcanons-ish, a couple sentences for each
Stars: Everybody from elements Pyro, Electro and Anemo! Plus Aether/Lumine/Dainsleif!
Please understand that some characters are more “foreground” characters and have more screen time so I may have written some more for them because I knew them better!
Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: weapons for gifts?? 16+ Older Teen + Up Audiences Advised, light cussing
& Trigger Warnings: None Known.
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SO U KNOW WHAT THAT MEANSSSS
THIS IS MY JAMMMMM, MY PB&J BITCHEESSSS GET REKTT
AHAHAHAHA- YOU’RE ALL GETTIN SPAMMED WITH JUST GIFT IDEAS I HAVE FOR WHAT TO GIVE THEM- YOU DO NOT HAVE CHOICE. YOU WILL BE GIVING GIFTS TO THE TEYVATIANS, THEY DESERVE GOOD THINGS. SUCK IT.
EDIT 9/19/23: WTF HELLO??!!! 1000+ NOTES??!?! THANK YOU SO MUCH?!!!!!! <3
PART 1 (you're here!) / PART 2
ELEMENTS HERE: Babygirls, Pyro, Electro, Anemo
Babygirls:
Aether = The most beautiful, amazing, sleek, and functional pretty hairpin that is also a knife! So he can have that badass moment of unsheathing it from his hair and having a surprise weapon and showing off his long hair, acted all shy when you gave it to him, he doesn’t get gifts often, all the birthday letters were for you afterall, i feel like you deffo have walked in on him miming taking it out all badass for practice lol
Lumine = bless her, you handed her this gift and she just looked up at you and u swear didnt blink or look away for a full minute. Then she nearly crushed you to death squeezing you, god she’s muscular, as you made a sort of self-care kit, including her favorite scents you added to like blank soaps/face masks, and towels you initialed with “Lumi”, she deserves a break afterall (and she thinks you deserve it too, and subtly tries to get you to join like *“*oh this is so sweet, something for us to do together”)
Dainsleif = sad little man deserves happy little things, you make him a weighted blanket, in these blankets it’s usually like sand or something that is put into little like quilt squares so it evenly distributes weight, but you used that water from the fountain that soothes Khaenri’ah people’s curse instead. He literally went speechless when you gave it to him. He has not had a single night of insomnia since. He would literally do anything for you, and literally stole you off to the side after a few nights of good sleep to tell you this lmao
Pyro Allogenes:
Diluc = Another bitch who just needs a break, you steal him off one evening and tell him you need a hilichurl camp wiped out, and there’s a cryo mage so you need him, bc thats the only way this workaholic is actually gonna drop everything and actually take care of himself, you have to deceive him, and then surprise him by showing him a hot spring you found. Teyvat has a lot more things to it now that it’s in real life, and that includes natural hot springs apparantly, and you’ve already prepped the place too, with his favorite non-alcoholic drinks, some indulgent foods like chocolate and fruits, and a soft robe. Man’s went wide eyed and nearly fell in LMAO, and then, looking away all pink, said he couldn’t accept this… unless you joined him.
Amber = a pair of comfy shoes, with baron bunny decorated all over them, like you sewed patches over them to personalize it, and the insoles are GODLY good, so she can run to Sumeru at this rate and her feet will feel like she went for a light jog! Some Mondstadt citizens, and knights tbh, are honestly a little afraid of Amber now bc her feet aching was sometimes the only thing stopping her from going 100% all the time lol
Bennett = a lucky charm, yes, yes, I know, basic, but it’s different coming from you! You’ve given him a bandana to wear as a neckerchief around his throat (it’s unprotected and he’s that unlucky?!) and it fits great, you’ve made it from Liyue materials, and imbued it with geo energy, so it actually makes a small shield/barrier around his head lmao, he’s practically thanking you every week and telling you how it helped him that week 💀
Klee = a treasure hunt map you made! every little stop/treasure gives her some candy or a snack, plus the next instructions, and she insists you go with her, and drags you along lol, and you planted them within range of the Mondstadt so she’s not too far off, and the final treasure (bc u planned it so she was supposed to start at a certain time/get to the end in a few hours) she finds at late sunset, and it’s a type of challenge that u were able to make, (bc apparently being the “highest god” means u get dev access, like the teapot functions but more OP). It makes a rainbow of glowing fish appear as targets to better Klee’s bomb throwing skills, and to entertain her, she gives the most dramatic gasp ever, and is just vibrating telling you “The fishes! They’re so pretty! ‘Bedo said that you give the greatest gifts, and he was so, so, so SO right!! Thank you very much!!!” :D in her cute little voice and then proceeds to speedrun you a hug and then starts throwing bombs lmao
Xiangling = HOO BOY- she has nearly every cooking utensil known to man, thanks to her being a young famous chef, and bc her family’s restaurant makes good money bc of it, so it was hard to think of something for her, but you eventually made her a handwritten and sewn together recipe book (look up “how to make zine”, its very easy actually, theres one with sewing the paper and a smaller one with just folding). It’s full of all of your favorites from Earth and what you think could substitute here, and how it should taste. Xiangling literally took your hands and spun you bc she hates luxury stuff, and really loves and appreciates homemade gifts, it’s the first anyone’s heard of your homeworld’s food so it makes her feel special <3 (she will be constantly harassing you with a spoonful of food to try and see if it’s close)
Hu Tao = You remembered one of Shakespeare’s plays and wrote a rough screenplay for Yunjin to adapt, then took Hu Tao with you to see it! She loves poetry and singing, so she loves to see Yunjin play usually, but she hadn’t had the time lately bc of funeral spirit work, (u also brought Zhongli so she could have fun embarrassing him lol), and she literally made a whole bit/joke about getting down on one knee to marry you, which was promptly interrupted by said embarrassed adepti, people even clapped lmao
Xinyan = You made her an aweinspiring outfit to wear onstage, modeled after classic rockstars from your world, she nearly teared up at the sight of it, and then nearly took ur ear out bc she was getting so loud and excited, u try to convince her otherwise, but Xinyan refuses to wear it outside of big occasions like Lantern Rite or performances with Yunjin (looks like this, I tried very hard ok, check it: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/76631631152377154/)
Yanfei = Once again, a written book, or at least 20 rap songs for her to look through. This sounds weird, but she eventually hopes to see a future where people are just better at obeying laws and considers then she’d be out of a job. So, after seeing some of Xinyan’s performances, she decided her back up career would be a rapper. She will literally stop you every time she sees you and lowkey force you to hear her latest rap she’s made, partially inspired from the Earth ones you gave her a lot of the time! She literally talked your ear off for hours, and didnt realize that she linked arms with you at one point and made you both walk at least 3 miles around the port lol, very embarrassed but grateful for the gift, another person who really adores homemade stuff
Thoma = you sewed him a cute plushie of Taromaru, along with a little plushie tea cup set. He literally covered his mouth in shock, and turned away, were those tears?? Very carefully took his gift and nearly bent in half bowing and thanking you for the gift, and was cutely touchy all day, linking arms, guiding you by gently nudging your back in crowds, etc. You once woke him up out a day nap on accident trying to find him, and he walked out half-asleep clutching the plushie Taromaru and nearly jumped a foot in the air at the sight of you lol, all like “HIGH EMPEROR?! OH MY- Oh my gods- Uh- sorry, so sorry about that!” and then proceeds to immediately hide Taro behind his back all red in the face lmao, refuses to acknowledge it, will get even redder if you keep pressing him about it lol
Yoimiya = so Yoimiya canonically really loves to go out into nature and explore, and go for that sunset hike type of person! so you, once again assume all these thru tutorial or teyvat craftsmen help, made her a hammock! She’s apparently really bad about falling asleep outside, and since hammocks can be really lightweight and good for temperate weather (ive tried it, sleepin in a hammock for camping its kinda nice, as long as you dont fall out/toss and turn a lot in ur sleep), and you even added some extra ropes on the sides so she can tie it down and not upend herself while she’s sleeping (keeps the hammock from tilting). She literally squealed and dragged u all over Inazuma trying it out with you, and because she chats with her neighbors/community a lot, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU GOT HER A HAMMOCK, YOU PAINTED IT AND EVERYTHING, DID YOU KNOW YOIMIYA IS ONE OF THE ALLOGENES THAT GOT BLESS WITH A PERSONAL GIFT FROM THE ALL-GOD??!! - everyone in Inazuma near her house, including yoimiya
Dehya = so Dehya likes to upkeep personal hygiene as much as she can between her mercenary job roughness and the general battery of the desert. She also is known to stop by the market place to pick up makeup and other personal hygiene products! So you figured if she’s collected so many of those over time, she might just have a practical bag to carry them in, and you offer her a multi-pocket cloth bag (like for taking makeup when you travel bags) and also attach a mirror inside! She literally covered her face with her hands and Dunyazard lightly teased her for weeekkssss lmao, and the other guys in her mercenary group like “wowww, someone managed to tame the Flame Mane?” which just makes her more shy bc the God of ALL decided to HANDMAKE her a gift, and not just a frilly thing, an ACTUAL USEFUL PRETTY GIFT- she accidentally set her claymore alight when you finished explaining what it was and handed to her (it’s fireproof too)
Electro Allogenes:
Lisa = a decorated tea set! Specifically, you painted it her favorite color, with some of her favorite book quotes across the saucers and her favorite flowers across the teapot. She gave you the prettiest smile, and just “Oh cutie! For little old me? You’re a bit above a librarian like me, but I’ll still accept this with all the grace of a lady courted, haha!” insists on “trying them out” with you all the time, especially when you get too busy from the other allogenes <3
Fischl (they/them Fischl supremacy) = You made a book cover (like how some books will have the paper sleeve and the actual hardcover is just colored? like that) of Prinzessin der Verteilung, but looking a lot more like them rather then the old protagonist! They collectively lost their mind over it for literal weeks, and did the same for you for your most relatable protagonist! :D They insist you two start a fantasy book club now- NO they don’t care if you’re the All Fürst! That makes you all the more qualified for joining the elite literature society they’re starting!
Razor = a bunch of hair ties! You’ve made scrunchies, bows, clips, etc. for him to try and decorate his hair with, all of things he likes, like little wolf puppies, or Andrius’ but cuteified, little symbols of all his friends like little bomb design hairclips for Klee, a red four leaf clover for Benny, a purple rose for Lisa, a golden star for the traveler, and an eight pointed star, like the four-pointed one but with some flare in between its points. A prominent symbol apparently associated with you u found out :0, Razor is giving Barbara and Klee a run for their money bc of how cute he looks walking into town for Lisa’s lessons with all this cute little clips and hair ties and braids in his hair now <3
Keqing = you know. you know EXACTLY what to give her. Plushies of cute animals or creatures in or around Liyue, like the little snow foxes from Dragonspire, a tiny oceanid, the small geovishaps, etc. Keqing doesn’t care if you’re a god, remember! So you better swear to never tell a soul you made her these!! …she sleeps with them too.
Raiden Shogun (puppet) = what to give a cold hard b*tch? …a break. you talk to Ei and make her give the puppet some off days, and you also may or may not have bullied Ei for being a hermit, so she can explore and learn more about herself, instead of being forced into the image, literally, of her god. She tries to write you months in advance for making plans on her days off so you can join her!
Ei (god) = an open window bc she’s a hermit, i mean of course you bring her out on “updates” (she weirdly choked a little over tea when you presented this idea to her, “Ahem- cough- a date? Oh, as in getting more familiar with the world, yes of course,” you basically pull out a map and take her to other countries so she can see how the other gods are doing these days and finally do something new, she is overwhelmed but in a good way? And she's especially willing to do it if you keep calling them that, these “up-dates”
Yae Miko = you were honestly kind of intimidated by giving Yae Miko a handmade gift, it just seemed like she would like something of high quality, which your gifts weren’t always guaranteed to be. So instead, you didn’t. You made a cool little picnic, and in remembering her love of stories from her lore as a kid, you brought some of your world’s stories to show her, the classics, then any favorites of yours, and some you thought she might like, and read them all to her about once a week. You both talk about and discuss the book and let Yae nitpick it and try to give her more context for books like Shakespeare in hope to answer all her detailed questions about the stories. Yae was so fucking smug (and secretly so in love) that she wrote a story for Yae Publishing House about it… “Joining a Book Club with the Akitsu Mikami, a Romance Novel” 💀
Sara = damn another busy woman, you steal her away with the promise of “needing a body guard” and she immediately answers and drops everything (u made sure to choose a slow day, dw ur not a rude god) andddd you’ve got her! Sara literally just stood there in shock when you showed up at your meeting place with homecooked food, specifically new recipes from your world, and some recipes from Xiangling! She would not stop stuttering out thanks yous the entire time, and fumbled with her chopsticks constantly, and she ate a lot, and even shyly asked if she could take some of it with her for later, now anytime you mention food around her she unintentionally starts looking at you with puppy dog eyes, (baby crow eyes??) even if the rest of her posture is perfect/gives nothing away lol
Beidou = A hand woven wine cask holder! a bit more solid so you can paint some designs on it, and you painted the whole crew, with Kazuha in the crow’s nest and Beidou is the biggest figure on it (stylized, u arent trying to paint a renaissance artwork here) and you even put her name on it “Captain Beidou” :) You were rewarded with a tall muscular woman squeezing you with her muscular arms, Beidou only puts her best wine/sake bottle in it, and only uses it for special occasions! she may or may not have had to make sure and hide it in her Captain’s quarters so other pirates won’t steal it, since everybody on the seas heard about the All Mighty giving her a personalized gift, but dont worry! She’s a pirate captain, she’s used to defending her most prized treasures from others <3
Shinobu = a spa day for another overworking woman, you made her another mask and hair tie! They still match her of course, but they also subtly have that eight point star symbol you’ve had associated with yourself before (like the four point but with a little flare), and she literally went so red, she hid behind Itto for a second. who helped morally support her enough to try it on, and it’s definitely her most comfortable mask!
Cyno = you were a little… embarrassed to make this one, but Cyno mentioned wanting it so… You made a TCG card of yourself. With the world in your hands as you hover in the middle of a solar system, you paint yourself giving a small smile down at Teyvat’s world cupped in your hands. One of the symbols they associate with you, the eight pointed star, not equal points, but rather a four pointed star with embellishments, said symbol glows and dangles from a necklace you wear, above it all. You swear he stared at it for a solid minute without blinking, and when you initially offered it, Cyno held it like it was spun glass. He gently laid it on a table nearby, his eyes never leaving it as he got out his deck, and put the card of you, on the very top. The mahamatra then gently set it down, and then gently hugged you and picked you up off your feet a bit (when you said maybe you were too heavy for this, he just raised an eyebrow, and that’s when you remembered that trailer of him throwing a body-builder man, one-armed, over his shoulder. He easily lifted you and set you back down. 💀)
Dori = A herb garden. Strange, but Dori’s sister has a lot of medical issues, and the herbs can be hard to come by, even for Dori, you didn’t tell her that you read some parts of her life, but when she saw the planter box, she knew. You had ventured far and wide, all over Teyvat, and the stuff you had came with you! so you put one of every herb you had or went out and got some because you’ve been exploring Teyvat anyway. And for once… you made sure no one was around, Dori teared up. She carefully set the box full of lively plants aside, and you were in the middle of explaining how to take care of them when she just, wrapped her smaller frame around your lower legs. You squatted down to hug her back :’)
Anemo Allogenes:
Venti = another book you made (look up “how to make a zine” on youtube it’s actually kinda easy) that you filled with all the lyrics to all your favorite songs, and some classics! The bard was ecstatic because he technically had vague knowledge or recognition of most of Teyvat’s songs, but songs from another world didn’t count, hehe! …he may or may not have lightly guilt-tripped you into trying to sing or hum some of the tunes or melodies of the songs, “I need to hear the melody so I may play it for you for eternity, your highness!” That’s his gift back, is that now you can get a Venti medieval sounding cover version of any song you like lmao
Sucrose = you’ve made another book (bought in Teyvat or made, check out “how to make a zine” on youtube it’s easy so I think you could feasibly handmake it!) and filled it with as much information as you can on how things like electricity works, luckily you can still retrieve information from Earth thanks to Albedo managing to somehow get you a signal?? You don’t wanna know, but point is, she’s literally spiraling. It’s been days, Albedo had to be the one to drag her out of the lab and eat, while you are starting to doubt if your gift did more harm then help… as soon as you voice these thoughts to Sucrose she nearly shook your head off from shaking your shoulders so hard while she ranted about phones, telephone poles, paved roads and she actually offered books back in exchange, for leveling allogenes up, as long as you told her more about “Those ships that go underwater again?? Please, Your Highness???” cute puppy dog eyes but worse bc she’s got cute glasses on too, oh no-
Jean = another workaholic woman who just needs a break, god why are there so many of them?? Your first thought was a spa day, but you like to think you can do better than that. In fact, she’s had a pretty heavy load since she was a kid trying to uphold the Gunnhildr clan’s name/knighthood, so you decide that instead of spa day, you should have a fun day! So you decide to take her out some days for some fun around Mondstadt (and recruit Venti to help do things like boost the winds for extra fun), like shield surfing! (look up Breath of the Wild shield surfing video if you dont know what i mean), it's something a lot of young knights do, and it’s perfect for Mondstadt’s hilly landscape! Other things like flying kites, or even rerouting all her work for part of the Windblume festival so she could enjoy it more! THEN you kidnap her all over again, and Barbara, to go to Fontaine! What better way for her to have genuine fun than getting a break to see and have fun with her younger sister and go see a colorful circus/fair? Jean was literally just a constant stream of “thank you your majesty! my gracious god, thank you- this is too much-, All-Fürst I am forever indebted to you for this!” and ur just like :/ Jean that’s the whole point of a gift is that you aren’t indebted to somebody-
Xiao = a friendship bracelet :) since he likes jewelry, and he likes you, it's perfect! and u made it match his necklace. you’ve also put that same water from the fountain that soothes the Khaenri’ah’s curse, and put it in there, and it actually lessens his karma, so for the first time in about 2 centuries, Xiao the Yaksha, can actually sleep through the night. You weren’t looking, but when you turned away to show him your sketches or plans for how to craft it, he sort of, reached out. You felt his hand warm on your wrist before it retreated, you could already feel the callouses, as the small weight of a bracelet was wrapped around your hand, his return gift, so u guys could match 👉👈 Xiao breathes out what sounds like all those years of pain in one shaky, relieved, “…thank you” (he did all that while you were turned around in your bag too, he was too shy to look at you when he put it on lmao)
Kazuha = “So this is what you’ve been up to lately, hm?” Kazuha’s been kind and laidback enough that he’s one of the allogenes who quickly dropped the formal titles luckily. He’s been seeing you sneak around and present your gifts to the others… and he came prepared in case you came to give him something too! Before you can even get out, “Hey, Kazuha, do you have a minute? I’ve got something for y-” boom. He’s beat you to it, he’s saying the same damn thing, and pulling out his gift for you. It’s a lovely Inazuman outfit, decked out in your favorite color, it’s like if you were an Inazuman character yourself- You just accept it half in shock, while Kazuha gives this small smile, but u can see the smug little look in his eyes, that little shit he really prepared a countermove- HE EVEN WROTE YOU REALLY SWEET POETRY AND EMBROIDERED IT INTO SOME OF THE INSIDE HEM LINES LIKE THE COLLAR -//////- ← you rn as Kazu’s all fucking smug, you end up just being like “take ur crummy gift u little shit” and nearly throw it at him lol, sweet asshole that he is, catches it anyway, and you’ve made him new hair ties, some minimal clips that look like maple leaves (like felt fabric stuck onto the clip bit) and the new hairtie is more like a scrunchie with a pretty red knot on top, your own symbol of an eight-pointed star, like an extra four-pointed star not the star of david lmao, sits in the center of the traditional japanese knot. He wears it nearly all the time, and mentions making you one to match (>:/ sweet considerate little shit he is)
Sayu = you’ve made her a quilt! stitched together from all sorts of cute fabrics, so it still matches her color scheme, she wraps up in it now before going into that balled up tanuki form lol, she insists you break it in with her and take a nap with her constantly lmao, and you give in even if you dont always sleep because of her tiny half-asleep smile (sayu knows the grip she has on you lol💔)
Heizou = a mystery novel a friendship necklace! you knew him and his friend had once had something similar, (they were more like matching river rocks or pebbles not jewelry you think) so you desperately hoped it wouldn’t be too offensive. The little shit who saw it coming #2, whereas Kazuha suspected you might offer him something, he didn’t have quite the same intution that Heizou did, so the detective knew you were going to give him something >:/ little snitch- he was so smug and teasing about it right up until he actually saw the necklace, it draped lower so it didnt look weird with his choker, and it was a pretty crystal you’d gotten from a riverbed (you didnt tell Heizou bc of the similarity w/his old friend, but he knew anyway) and he immediately looked the most serious you’ve ever seen him. His grin was less of a smirk and more of a smile when he processed what you gave him, and he wears it all the time :) Calls it his "God blessed good luck charm"
Scara/Wanderer = It was very hard, and you had to learn how from a blacksmith, but you finally got it! You made a small addon that latches onto the outside frame of his Vision, so instead of the sort of teardrop shape it has, you’ve made a heart shape. Since he sees the vision as his heart, you thought it’d be cute to actually see it that way! He was all like “I don’t wear jewelry, I already have some metal holding my Vision, are you trying to embarrass me?” You: “okay, well you don’t have to keep it, I’ll take it back-” Scara: “No? Shut up it’s mine now.” He went pink the first time he put it on, and he only wears it when it’s just you two, or you both and Nahida (bless her, she only lightly teased him, just enough to have him yell a little, not enough to discourage him)
Faruzan = a compass that points towards ruins/magical places, so she can explore all the ruins the desert has to give, and also, more importantly, guides her out, you deffo relied on a blacksmith for this one, and got Nahida to help you add the magic to it. She just got this, soft and bittersweet? look on her face, and redirected the nostalgic look towards you, bowed gently and thanked you, … you offered her a hug. Faruzan accepted, and you could feel the way she exhaled, relieved.
(Throws this garbage at you really late and runs away to my bed)
Hope u liked literally any of that! ;-;
Also im not done as you can see! Im doing all the elements bc i love these skrunklies-
Safe Travels Anon,
💀♒️
♡my beloved♡
@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche
2K notes · View notes
cieloclercs · 7 months
Note
Eternal life
Oscar piastri x russian figure skater
the ice queen — oscar piastri
pairing. oscar piastri x russian figure skater!reader
face claim. alina zagitova
warnings. swearing, google translate russian (im sorry), look guys i know the winter olympics were last year but for the sake of this they’re this year ok ?? 🙏 i used pictures from oscar’s sprint podium in spa for singaore (which obviously isn’t accurate plz overlook it hehe)
author’s note. hello anon! i hope you enjoy this, sorry it took so long ❤️
requests are still open for my 1k event! send something in if you’d like <3
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yourusername swipe for a fail 🥴
view all comments…
yourfriend1 pleased to announce i got said fail on video ☺️
yourusername if you ever show that to anyone i’ll smother you in your sleep.
yourfriend1 wow 😃
yourfriend2 i feel like one of those aesthetic skater pinterest girls in the second picture
yourusername we definitely pulled off the pinterest girlie vibes 👍👍
yourcoach очень продуктивная сессия! 👍 / very productive session !
yourusername я знаю точно 😃 / i know right
username yourcoach i’m sensing some sarcasm 🤔
username no shit sherlock 🙄
username MY FAV TRIO IS BACKKKK
username girllll are you competing at the winter olympics ?? i won’t take no for an answer btw you better be there. 🔪
yourusername in that case yes !!! 😀
username olympic champion 🔜
yourusername 😉
username hold up what’s oscar doing here? 🤨
username who tf is oscar
username oscar piastri, he’s a formula 1 driver for mclaren
username and he’s lurking in MY WIFE’S likes?? get tf out of here he drives cars in circles for a living 😭😭
username can you blame him tho y/n’s this total badass skating GODDESS and he’s just a silly little aussie like ofc he’s infatuated with her 😒😒😒
username guys all he did was like her post no need to create an entire backstory out of it 😭 they’re both highly successful sportspeople so they probably just mix in the same circles from time to time 🤷‍♀️
username boo you’re ruining my fun 🙄
username МОЯ ЛЕДЯНАЯ КОРОЛЕВА 🩵 / MY ICE QUEEN
username word on the street is oscar’s liking this girlie’s post 🤔🤔 now i just have to figure out who she is 😃
username girl u can’t be serious 😭
username how do u not know who y/n is are you living under a rock
username no?? should i know who she is?? 😭
username erm YES
username i simultaneously love and hate how this oscar dude has liked ONE y/n post and suddenly all the f1 fangirls have appeared 😭 go find a hobby plz i beg you x
username jokes on you, stalking potentially new f1 wags IS our hobby
username that’s quite possibly the saddest thing i’ve ever read
username as both an f1 and a skating fan, OSCAR GIRLIES I BEG YOU PLEASE DONT DRAG Y/N INTO THIS IK HOW CRAZY Y’ALL CAN GET
username babe what are they gonna do 😭 she’s y/n y/l/n she has like universal immunity from haters lol
username you’re clearly not an f1 fan and it SHOWS 😭😭
username sweetie i’ve watched the f1 girlies single handedly DESTROY relationships do not underestimate them
username ^^ does anyone know if they’re being dramatic or not??
username long-time f1 fan here !! trust me, they’re not.
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oscarpiastri Ready to shine in Singapore 🇸🇬🤩
view all comments…
username LET’S GOOO OSCAR
username podium loading…
username i’ve got £50 riding on you getting a podium don’t let me down 💪💪
username so this is oscar piastri… 🤨
username uh oh the skater girls have arrived 😨
username *y/n girls
username no one gets into y/n’s inner circle without our approval first 🤭
username and you called US sad 😭
username how the fuck is this guy expecting to be able to pull a queen like y/n 😭😭
username seriously he looks so silly 🥴
username guys he only liked her post they probably don’t even know each other 🙄 stop making drama out of nothing jeez
username yikes someone sounds jealous…
username he looks goofy, next please 😒
yourfriend1 literally what i said smh
username PHAHAHA WHAT
username girl 😭
username i hate to break it to you oscar, the y/n girls are never going to accept you x
username yeah sorry babe, you’re just not worthy of our ice queen 😘
username the way y/n’s literally a thousand leagues above him 😔😔 the pain of being a badass bitch 🥲
username BACK OFF FROM MY WIFE Y/N YOU DONT DESERVE HER
username y’all are crazy what 😭
username imagine thinking THIS GUY stands a chance with the hottest woman alive and future olympic champion 😭😭 i’d be so embarrassed 😭
username he looks like a capybara tf
username STOP PHAHAHHA WHY DO I SEE IT
username lmao if y/n and oscar ever do end up dating he’s not going to live this down 😭
landonorris oscarpiastri since when did you become enemy number 1 to the ice skating community
oscarpiastri 🤷‍♀️
username LANDO OH MY GOD 😭
username PHAHAHHAA HE KNOWS THEY BOTH KNOW
username poor oscar getting dragged by the most intense fandom on earth 😭
yourusername 🧡
oscarpiastri 😊👑
username WOAH WOAH WOAH
username THEYRE INTERACTING OMG EVERYONE STAY CALM
username EXCUSE ME THE CROWN EMOJI?? HES ACKNOWLEDGING THE QUEEN AS HE SHOULD
username no.
username this can’t be happening
username oscarpiastri LEAVE MY WIFE ALONE BITCH 🤺🤺
username y/n you’ve just made everything so much worse 😭
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yourusername
replies:
oscarpiastri cute cap, where’d you get it?
↳ yourusername this weird australian guy gave it to me. idk i would have preferred a number 4 🤷‍♀️
↳ oscarpiastri you sure? i heard number 81’s the favourite for a podium this week 😏
↳ yourusername we’ll see 🙃
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liked by yourusername and 50,367 others
oscarpiastri First ever F1 podium 🧡 Let’s keep them coming 😉
view all comments…
username YES OSCARRRRR
username my driver 🧡🫶
username LEGEND 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
landonorris congrats mate! the extra motivation did you some good 😉
oscarpiastri it sure did :)
username excuse me? 🤨
username lando. what do u know.
username i bet this has something to do with y/n
username girl bffr 🙄
username LANDO I JUST WANNA TALK (tell me what u know rn.) 🔫🔫
mclaren Doing us proud 🥹🧡
*oscarpiastri liked this comment
username best rookie since hamilton button >>>
*liked by yourusername and 5,217 others
carlitosalcarazz Congratulations, amigo! 😁
oscarpiastri Thanks mate! 😊😊
username AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE
username the y/n girlies have been real quiet so far 🤨
username they’re finally realising oscar isn’t just some nobody 😭
username he might not be a nobody but one podium still doesn’t make him good enough 🥰
username y’all are psycho i swear 😭
yourfriend1 ok maybeee he’s not that bad 🙄🙄
*yourusername liked this comment
username omg the y/f/n seal of approval ??? ITS HAPPENING
username calm down nothing’s happened yet 😭 as far as we know they’re not even friends lmao let alone dating
username girl did you even see y/n’s story she was literally in the mclaren garage repping oscar’s merch 😭😭
yourusername incredible 🧡
oscarpiastri Thank you for your support today 🧡 Hope you liked the cap 😊
username wait hold on a second OSCAR GAVE HER THAT CAP???
username HES GIVING HER HIS MERCH NOW??
username oh they DEFINITELY into each other 😏
username oscar’s such a simp oh my god she turns up to one race and he’s giving her his merch 😭😭 what a dork
username i mean it’s y/n y/l/n can you blame him 🤷‍♀️
username i fear we’ve lost her y/n nation 😔
username as much as it pains me to say it i think you might be right 🥲
username i just can’t believe we’ve lost her to a guy who drives in circles for a living 🙄
username doesn’t y/n skate in circles? the shade works both ways honey 😚
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yourusername thank you for having me mclaren 🥰 and congratulations to oscarpiastri on your first f1 podium !! i had a blast 🧡🧡
view all comments…
mclaren Glad to have you on board, champ 🧡 See you again soon 😉
*yourusername liked this comment
landonorris you do know oscar’s not the only mclaren driver right 😃
yourusername the only mclaren driver with a podium this week though 🙃
oscarpiastri Thank you Y/N 😊🧡
yourusername 🫶
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months later…
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oscarpiastri
replies:
landonorris ice queen? 🤨
↳ oscarpiastri of course
↳ landonorris simp.
yourusername
replies:
oscarpiastri ouch ☹️
↳ yourusername just telling you what you need to hear, babe ☺️
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yourusername олимпийский чемпион! после стольких лет упорной работы я не могу поверить, что эта мечта наконец-то осуществилась 🥹 я хочу поблагодарить многих людей, которые помогли мне достичь этого: моего тренера, моих товарищей по команде, мою семью. я бы не справилась без каждого из вас! 🤍
olympic champion! after all the years of hard work, i can’t believe this dream has finally come true 🥹 there are so many people i want to thank for helping me get to this point: my coach, my teammates, my family. i couldn’t have done this without any of you! 🤍
i also want to thank my boyfriend and number one supporter oscarpiastri for putting up with me these last few months of prep 😭 i don’t know what i would have done without you 🥹 love you baby ❤️
oscarpiastri congratulations, my love 🩷 i’m so proud of you 😘
yourusername 💗💗
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tvhsleb3ww · 2 months
Text
LOVE IS NOT OVER! - OIKAWA TOORU
yeah i used a bts song as the title bc i ran out of ideas 🥴
summary, your blind date is your ex boyfriend from high school!?
minor swearing, praise (cute, hot, sexy), depression, heartbreak, tooru being dumb
read part 2 here!
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now, there were plenty of beautiful women in Tokyo. millions! but why oh why did the universe hate him so much to the point they sent you as his blind date.
that's right. you. his ex. his first love, his high school sweetheart, his best friend and the same girl who stole his heart and stomped on it until it broke into a million pieces. it was simply unbelievable.
you turned him into a depressed man after you broke up with him because you thought it was better to go seperate ways. okay, maybe it was for the better because now he's a superstar volleyball player and now you're doing whatever. and he's one hundred percent sure that you're succeeding in whatever the hell you're doing because holy fuck do you look like a goddess right now.
of course, dating his ex was not written on his workbook. he never would go back to his exes. that he can swear he'd never do but right now he's starting to contemplate whatever mindset he has going on. in full honesty, he's still bitter and upset at you for dumping him due to stupid reasons. it has been years since you last saw each other.
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Third Year of High School
" you're not even giving me a chance here! "
his voice broke as tears welled up in his eyes. his hands holding onto yours as he intertwined his fingers with yours. his lips remain a frown as he looked at you. you sighed and remain your gaze on him.
" tooru, it's not that like that "
he clicked his tongue at your words. bullshit. that's all he thinks right now. he lets go of his grip on your hands as he looked at you with glassy eyes. he bites down his bottom lip to control himself from actually breaking down in front of you.
" so, you're gonna give up on us? "
his question remains unanswered as you stayed quiet. he sighed, looks like he got his answer. you sighed and crossed your arms. you couldn't bare to look at him right now in his vulnerable state. you feel like you just got shot by a million arrows from how bad you're hurting him.
" i just think it's better if we go on our seperate ways"
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back to the present, he didn't expect you. first of all, he didn't even want to go on this stupid blind date in the first place but his awful yet amazing friends kept pestering him to do this. saying that "you're too obsessed with volleyball get a life", blah blah blah. he just rolled his eyes to their statement but he still went.
so, it wasn't his friends' fault for setting him up with his ex. or is it?
both of you sat in silence for a whole minute inside the busy yet quiet café. both of you had ordered your drinks and tooru swears that his matcha latte is almost finished from how often he kept sipping it.
he quickly clears his throat before finally saying something.
"long time no see"
okay that did not sound as badass as he thought it was gonna be. it kinda sounded corny. he took a second to cringe at himself before looking at you. god, he wanted to curse the heavens because how dare they make him hate this amazing woman!?
from head to toe you're perfect. tooru would fight anyone who says the opposite. you got so much prettier in the last couple of years too. your hair, your eyes, your lips, your face, your ass-
that was a little overboard, he thought. he's not supposed to be thinking this! you broke his heart and he hates you!
" yeah, you look great "
god, he wanted to melt on the spot. the same voice that haunted his dreams for years. still so sweet and so good to listen to. he looks great? woah! does that mean you're complimenting him? what is great? his physique? his personality? he had to bite his bottom lip to cover his smile and remain his scowl.
" pfft- i know "
you rolled your eyes at his words. ah, tooru always as smug as he can be. but he did in fact looked great, he looked healthy and more muscular. indeed, seperation was better for both of you. of course you knew about his growth in the volleyball world, he was the talk of the year. based on the scowl on his face, you're sure he's still being petty about what happened between the two of you.
" i see that your ego is still bigger than your ass "
he gasped at that statement. his eyes narrowed down at you as he crossed his toned arms. he's gotten tan too from the Argentina sun. it's a good look on him, not gonna lie.
" at least, i didn't leave people at their lowest points "
touché but it was a terrible comeback. tooru has always been horrible at comebacks. it did however managed to shaken things up a little bit. you clicked your tongue and rolled her eyes. same old petty tooru.
" i'm sorry, alright? that was a long time ago "
" you don't seem sorry "
" at least i'm apologizing "
" yeah but years after that- "
you groaned loudly making him snicker. he always enjoyed driving you crazy. to him, it was cute to see you all fired up and he just likes to piss people off in general. he leans back on his chair as his gaze remains on you.
" so quickly agitated, (y/n) "
he commented making you huff and roll your eyes.
" you're still as annoying as you'll ever be "
" annoyingly hot you mean "
" maybe because you came from hell "
his smug grin falters and drops at your comeback. he scowls and huffs at your now smug expression. this interaction was gonna be interesting. you just wiggled your eyebrows at him to piss him off even further.
ugh, he hates you. he hates how sassy and teasing you can get. he hates the fact that he finds it cute and sexy at the same time. why is it so sexy when you put him in his place!?
he clears his throat again after a minute of whole silence.
" you know, i hate you right "
you sighed softly and rolled your eyes for what seems about the nth time now.
" and it's completely my fault, i know "
he wanted to say yeah it is. you're to blame for the heartbreak pain he felt for years.
after he flew away to Argentina, he couldn't sleep at night wondering about you, he devoted himself fully to his career because he didn't want to think about you, he tried going out with other women but they all just weren't you.
but right now, it's as if he wanted to push that ego away and forget everything that has happened in the past couple years and just grab your face and kiss you with everything he's got.
and he's not leaving this date until he does exactly that.
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februarybluues · 11 months
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enemies with benefits. || 1. - p.u.n.k boy!
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warnings: swearing, fighting, you and hobie hating each other, reader gets slightly injured but nothing that bad, horrible british (i'm very sorry🙏 )
part 2 - wounded.
You were bold, abrasive, honest, and never afraid to fight for what was right. He was the exact same - if not even worse. Logically, it was obvious for people to assume you’d be best friends. But, they couldn’t be further from the truth.
You heard a lot about Hobie. Mostly from Gwen and Miles rambling about ‘how awesome he was’. They told you about his cool style, his badass attitude, how caring he was, and pretty much everything there was to know about him. When they said he was a great guy, you almost believed them. But, your opinion quickly changed when you met him for the first time.
Miguel had called you to see him immediately, without giving any context as to why. Logically, you were confused and quite frankly, a bit scared. Did something happen? Were you in trouble? Needless to say you rushed over to him as quickly as you could.
“Y/n. New mission for you. There’s an anomaly that’s broken free and it’s jumping from dimension to dimension, wreaking havoc. I need you to stop it from corrupting anything, alright?” his face remained stoic as he spoke in a low, orderly tone. You smiled. It was no secret to anyone that you loved to fight. Whether it be fighting a villain as spider-woman, or fighting a sexist scum as y/n. You loved to make the world a better place. And you looked sick as you did it.
“Got it. Just send me the location and consider it done.” you responded, eagerly. Miguel cleared his throat, which caught your attention. “No, no, no. This is way more dangerous than your usual anomaly. You can’t do this on your own. Which is why I've assigned Hobart to be your partner.” You looked at him, confused. “Hobart? Who the fuck is that?” Without missing a beat, you heard the sound of rustling behind you. “M’right here.” you turned around, only to be met with a cocky smile, and a thick english accent. You quickly examined him. He was your stereotypical punk; tight jeans, combat boots, a sleeveless vest that was littered in pins and patches, and a guitar on his back. Everything about him screamed asshole. It was then that you realised he matched Gwen and Miles’ descriptions. There was no denying it, you were looking at the infamous Hobie Brown.
“You must be Hobie.” you held your hand out to him for a handshake. But he pressed a kiss to it instead. “The one and only.” he winked at you. You pulled your hand back, rolling your eyes at him. ‘Great.’ you thought to yourself. ‘He’s one of those people. A selfish, self-absorbed, cocky flirt.’ your head already jumped to conclusions, despite not knowing him for more than five minutes. You hadn’t realised you had been staring at him until he spoke up again. “Take a picture. It’ll last longer.” you scoffed at him, turning to talk to Miguel instead. “You can’t be serious. You know I work alone. I always work alone. I can handle this by myself.” Miguel shook his head, not wanting to hear your complaints. “I know. But, this is a job for two people. And, I firmly believe that you guys will work together greatly.” As much as you wanted to fight alone, you knew Miguel was right. You sighed. Hobie opened his mouth to speak again, but you cut him off before he could spew another snarky comment. “If you-” “Shut up with your elitist bullshit. All of you punks are the same.” You turned around yet again to look at his face. He immediately perked up with slight anger. You were testing his patience. “Aye. I’m no elitist! I don’t believe in’at crap! I don’t believe in labels!” your smile got smaller, but it stayed there nonetheless. “Yeah well I don't believe that you’re as cool as they say you are. Bet you’re just all bark and no bite.” his lips quirked up into a slight smile, completely disregarding what you had to say. “They? Who’s they?” his eyebrow raised, which made you notice his abundance of piercings. You'd be lying if you said they didn’t suit him. “Miles and Gwen.” you answered, the tone of your voice was slightly annoyed. He lit up slightly at the mention of their names. “You know Gwendy ‘n Miles?” “So what if I do?” His eyes grew wide, you could see the cogs whirring in his head as he put the pieces together. “Wait. A’you tha’ badass that kicked the teeth in o’that group o’knobheads?” Ah. So, gwen and Miles must’ve talked about you as much as they did him. Fucking hell his accent was almost incomprehensible. “So what if I am?” you crossed your arms at him. He scoffed. “And here I thought you’d be nicer.” you rolled your eyes and focused your attention on the portal you opened up. “Come on, we can finish this up later - after we’ve beat this bastard.” You spoke, pointing inside the portal. For a split second you both shared a smile. “Right behind you, mate.” And with that, you walked into the portal, mockingly mumbling his accent as you did so. “mate.” 
You landed in the alternate earth with grace, quickly scanning the area to make sure no one was there. And then Hobie arrived. His chest bashed against your back, which caused you to almost fall forward. “Whoops. Sorry about tha’'.' he smiled, but he wasn’t sorry. His voice was laced with a teasing venom. You turned your head to look at him. “You did that on purpose, prick.” you scowled at him, and his smirk got wider; cockier. “Yeah, I did.” he admitted. You couldn’t believe him. “We don’t have time for this. Let’s just get this over with.” you put your mask on and looked around for the anomaly, swinging your webs from building to building as you flew around. It was then that you spotted it; a big, scaly monster. Its skin resembled that of tar; sticky and black. Accompanied by a menacingly sharp smile, its fangs were almost as big as you were. Your eyes widened with subtle fear as you watched it engulf its surroundings. You signalled Hobie over to you, careful as to not make any noise. He followed, his once-teasing demeanour gone without a trace. He was much more focused on taking down the anomaly now. “Fuckin’ ‘ell. That’s a big one.” he stated, looking at it before attempting to jump at it. but, you grabbed onto his arm to prevent him from doing so. “Are you crazy?” you whispered. “You can’t just spring into battle without a plan!” he groaned impatiently, you quickly shushed him as to not catch the creature’s attention. “Right then, what’s your plan then, missy?” he crouched down next to you, looking down at the enemy from the rooftop. The spikes on his mask shimmered from the sunlight, almost distracting you. Almost.
You snapped back to reality and shared your plan with him. He listened intently to everything you had to say - for debatably the first time ever. He had no snarky comments to share. You almost thanked him for his maturity. Once you finished telling him, it was time to initiate the plan. “Lead the way.” he said as he watched you walk towards the edge of the rooftop. You took a deep breath, preparing yourself for what was to come. Without any delay, you jumped forward, latching your web onto the nearest building and springing into the creature's field of view. Once it saw you, it instantly began to attack; sending a few of its tentacle-like arms(?) in your direction. You dodged each of its attacks, cutting off one of the arms in the process with a powerful kick. Hobie remained on the rooftop, waiting for your signal. He watched as you fought. Soon finding himself lost in his thoughts. You fought the creature with expertise, swiftly gliding through the air as you dodged each attack flawlessly. He was in awe. He had underestimated how strong you were. But, there’s no way he was admiring you, right? He was just caught off-guard. Definitely. Which meant, it was his turn to show off. He wanted to impress you. And soon enough, his time came. You gave him the signal and he quickly sprung into action. He pulled the guitar from his back, holding it from the neck as if it were a weapon. 
The two of you worked together to take the anomaly down. Although you hated to admit it, you made a great team. Miguel knew that, which is why he put you together in the first place. But, before you managed to successfully beat the monster, you got distracted. You watched as hobie ripped tentacle after tentacle from it and didn’t notice the one that was flying right at you. It lashed you right in the chest, making you grunt in pain as you fell backwards. Hobie must’ve seen this happening because before you made contact with the rough concrete, a familiar web enveloped you, lifting you back up. “Careful, love. Wouldn’t want ya ruinin’ that pretty face o’yours.” You ripped his web off of you, and smiled through your mask. - grateful that he couldn’t see it. “I didn’t need your help!” you yelled at him, jumping back into battle. He laughed, which annoyed you even more. Successfully fuelling the energy you needed to knock the anomaly out. You delivered the final blow; kicking it right in its eye, which was apparently its weak spot. “Whew..” you let out, landing on your feet as you looked at it. Hobie landed next to you, placing his arm on your shoulder. “Nice one,” he said. He sounded sincere. You nodded before going back to work, informing Miguel that you had successfully taken it down. Hobie’s hand stayed on your shoulder, tightly but not enough to hurt. 
Although he was an asshole, he was starting to grow on you.
“How ‘bout we get some dinner - on you, aye? it’s the least you could do considering i saved y’life.”
“Get a grip, Hobie.”
Nevermind.
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angelltheninth · 1 year
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How the Arcana love interests would react to seeing someone flirting with their s/o?
Oooh! I do love me some protective badasses, or cinammon rolls, those are also great.
Pairing: Asra, Nadia, Lucio, Muriel, Julian, Portia x Reader
Tags: fluff, established relationship, marking, sharing clothes, bar fight, blood and injury, threats, protectiveness
A/N: Just thinking about this has me positively swooning.
ASRA
He's away a lot so when you're together he's a little clingy and smothers you with affection, even around others
Always has his familiars around just in case something happens but he's pretty good at keeping shady people away just because they think he himself is a little weird
On the occasion that someone does approach he likes to mess with them a little by making them see things
He'll never be violent, he doesn't need to be, all he needs is a little distraction and he's taking you by the hand and out of that situation
It's a little funny to see the person flirting with you be so suave and sure of themselves one moment and the be a fumbling, confused mess the next
NADIA
Only someone with a death wish would dare to flirt with you in Nadia's presence
It does happen but you're quick to show them the ring you're wearing, you're taken and you want nothing to do with them
If that doesn't work then Nadia is right by your side in a flash, wrapping and arm around your waist and kissing your forehead
She's keeping eye contact with the person who flirted with you all the while, asking if there's something they need help with
Her tone might be as sweet as honey but her eyes are as sharp as knives and just as cold as their blade, not to mention the small smile dancing in her lips as the person quickly scurries away into the crowd
LUCIO
Just like with Nadia, only an idiot would make a move on you in Lucio's presence, only the abundance of idiots seems to be far greater
Well Lucio does take you to taverns a lot so it's no wonder a little alcohol gives someone the courage to flirt
Like a shadow he appears behind them, one hand firm on their shoulder as he pushes them back and passed them by to give one well placed kiss mark on your neck
He turns to the people in the tavern with the smuggest smile possible and points at his hand holding yours
You swear you see his eyes flash as he asks if there's anyone else who would like to try and take his beloved away from him
MURIEL
Being the big, hulking mountain of a man that he is his presence alone is enough to ward off any trouble makers
Still people seem to think that he's not treating you right, that you could do better, that they can be better then Muriel to you
While he's not fond of staring fights he can certainly finish them if he notices that someone is making unwanted advances toward his lover
He could definitely break a few noses and bones if he's not careful but he just wants to give them a warning, a bloody face will do for now
He hates showing you this side of him but at the same time he wants to do everything he can to keep you safe, even tapping into parts of his darker, past self
JULIAN
Being the smug man that he is he shows you off and talks about how great you are to all of the people in the tavern
Naturally because of this other want to try out their luck with you, see why Julian is so smitten
They won't get far however, not with Julian taking your hand and kissing it right as they start flirting
He encourages you to sit in his lap so he can kiss you on the lips, show everyone that you're a couple that loves each other very, very much
If anyone needs any more demonstration after that they're either a pervert or want to get punched in the face
PORTIA
She is a cinnamon roll, but damn can she throw hands and words at people who make you uncomfortable
You wouldn't think it but she curses like a sailor when she's angry and she will put whoever thought could flirt with you into the ground with her words
You already said no, they should have respected that, now it's her turn to be a protective girlfriend
She's not above petty revenge either, what's a little something in their drink to make them feel like they have a splitting headache
You bet that she showers you with lots of kisses when you get home to make you forget all about the person who flirted with you
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youatemylollipop · 1 year
Note
What types of girls do u think the tokrev boys would like (separately), what type would u match the up with?
A/N: Not quite sure if I had understood your questions correctly, but here’s a list of TR boys and their dream girls based on my interpretation of your request.
Ft: Haitani Ran, Hanemiya Kazutora, Matsuno Chifuyu, Mitsuya Takashi & Sano Manjirō (Tokyo Revengers).
Part Two: Haitani Rindō, Hitto Kakuchō & Terano South ➵ Tokyo Revengers
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Haitani Ran
➵ I can imagine our little Wednesday Addams being interested in two types of girls.
➵ The first type would be the “high-maintenance” type, obviously someone with a lot of demands and requirements that he cannot meet.
➵ She would be confident with a very high self-esteem and probably very fashionable, walking with her chin held high as if she owned the place.
➵ She would be mischievous and flirtatious, but still loyal.
➵ People would sometimes wonder who the bigger player was between the two before they started dating.
➵ The second type that I can see him being interested in is the quiet and reserved type.
➵ However, she still needs to have high standards and be confident in herself.
➵ The fashionista aspect is not that important, but there has to be something that caught his attention.
➵ If anyone has watched the series "The Queen's Gambit," then you must be familiar with the main heroine, Beth Harmon.
➵ When I say reserved, that's the type of reserved that I truly mean.
➵ The one who seems very shy, only to be interpreted as the incarnation of Satan once she's spoken her mind.
➵ Which could also be seen as the “freak behind closed doors” type.
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Hanemiya Kazutora
➵ The "a literal angel" type is the kind of girl that our little banana boy is drawn to.
➵ He wouldn't be interested in just any girl, however.
➵ The only type that would catch his eye is one who is exceptionally gentle and patient, with a natural inclination towards helping others.
➵ The kind of person who can't walk past someone in need without offering a helping hand.
➵ Her kindness is not performative, but instead comes from a genuine desire to make the world a better place.
➵ Sometimes I wonder if this girl even exists.
➵ Someone who is very shy and sweet.
➵ She might have a tendency to blush when she's happy or flustered, which only makes her more endearing.
➵ Her voice is soft and soothing, the kind that could calm anyone down with just a few words.
➵ Can also be referred to as the "can't even hurt a fly" type. But to our banana boy, she is so much more than that.
➵ She is an angel in human form, a symbol of everything that is good and pure in the world.
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Matsuno Chifuyu
➵ The "extreme badass" type.
➵ While Chifuyu is the type of guy who can get along with different kinds of people, he is instantly drawn to the badass type.
➵ He just thinks that she's so cool and can't help but admire her.
➵ I swear to god! This boy is such a big simp!
➵ Pretty much like Baji, she can be unhinged and have serious mood swings.
➵ She can also be very sweet and bubbly.
➵ However, she's still the cool-headed and collected type of girl who manages to dominate any man she meets.
➵ Her aura is warm and inviting, but also cold and haughty.
➵ Blunt. Extremely blunt, but also surprisingly mature.
➵ She probably reminds him of a stray cat in a way, which is mostly because of her tendencies to go missing for a few days.
➵ Because of this strange combination of characteristics she can also be seen as the “self-contradicting” type.
➵ Overall, she is a walking oxymoron whom any other person would have problems getting along with.
➵ Well… anybody but Chifuyu.
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Mitsuya Takashi
➵ Mitsuya would probably be attracted to two types of girls.
➵ The first is the “mother-like” type.
➵ One who is extremely mature, sweet, and caring.
➵ She is excellent with children and takes school very seriously.
➵ She’s a good cook and his sisters love her.
➵ Very hardworking to the point that he sometimes has to ensure that she is not overworking herself.
➵ She can also be seen as the “selfless” type because she tends to place others’ needs before her own.
➵ He would like her because they share a lot of common ground in their interests and values.
➵ The second type is the “she-devil” type.
➵ She’s mischievous and loves to fluster him on a daily basis.
➵ Makes sure to flirt with him and send him compliments and is very bold in showing her attraction.
➵ Still very good with kids and enjoys teasing him a lot.
➵ I think this would be seen as the opposites attract trope due to Mitsuya’s constant need to be like a parental figure for his sisters.
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Sano Manjirō
➵ The “too strange for this world” type.
➵ When our little taiyaki (as well as dorayaki) lover had met her, she had immediately piqued his interest.
➵ Because it's a well-known fact that Mikey doesn't get interested in 'ordinary' people.
➵ She had most likely said something utterly ridiculous or done something weird.
➵ And even if she didn't, she probably has a unique sense of fashion that makes her stand out from the crowd.
➵ Typically, she's the type of girl who has an odd way of thinking, and most people can't grasp what she means.
➵ Mikey obviously finds her amusing.
➵ The “dreamer” is the other type that Mikey would most likely get attracted to.
➵ She is the one who has been held hostage by her overly strict parents and wishes for her prince charming to whisk her away.
➵ Or rather, her knight in shining armor, because let's face it, Mikey is nowhere near as sophisticated as a prince is supposed to be.
➵ But it doesn't matter, as long as he’s that somebody that’ll 'show her the world', take her on various adventures, and save her from monsters—or the evil wizard/witch that has been keeping her in confinement.
➵ As you can see, she is the biggest romantic on earth, and Mikey finds it adorable and would happily bring some new colors to shower her world with.
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anonymous-dentist · 7 months
Text
Five weeks out of prison, and Cellbit is buying his sick son cough medicine from the haunted convenience store down the block. It's late at night- too late at night, probably, so it's just him and the two employees and an old lady in an old fur coat...
"I said, put your fucking hands in the air!"
...and the guy in the giant moth fursuit robbing the store.
The girl behind the counter chews her gum and slowly, boredly, raises her hands. The other employee has his AirPods in and either can't hear the villain or doesn't care. The old woman is deaf. And Cellbit... well.
Cellbit picks up a bottle of NyQuil and adds it to his basket. The villain hasn't noticed him yet, so he doesn't have anything to worry about.
Tonight's villain is a low-rank street thug going by 'Moth Man'. He can fly, but only at night, and he sounds like he smokes eight packs of cigarettes a day.
Spiders, Cellbit hears as he sneaks to the next aisle over. It makes sense. Moths, spiders, they aren't exactly friends in the wild.
Of course, Cellbit considers as he picks up a box of tissues and silently slips it in next to the medicine, Moth Man could be scared of a different spider. The different spider.
He watches, mostly unconcerned, as Moth Man waves his Moth Gun in the clerk's face.
"Check it out, guys," he sleezes, leaning in close and shoving his phone right next to the gun's barrel. "She's totally freaked right now."
Moth Man is also a vlogger. More specifically: he's a TikTok streamer, and he's a pretty popular one, too. Honestly, Cellbit's surprised that the Federation hasn't shut his account down yet. (But, really, that would require them actually doing something fucking useful for once.)
Censors, Cellbit hears, and that one makes a bit more sense. He grabs a big bottle of hand sanitizer and adds it to the basket. Algorithm failure, face reveal, doxxing, spiderspiderspiderspiders.
"Absolutely terrified," the clerk unconvincingly says. "Do you want me to empty the register out, or what?"
Dogs, Cellbit hears from her. Needles, knives.
Moth Man's cheap plastic antennae flop embarrassingly as he nods, all fake enthusiasm. He looks down at his phone and thanks someone for the donation, another for a rose.
"No, it's real," he tells his chat. "See?"
He raises his gun to the ceiling, and he fires.
Cellbit jumps, nearly dropping his basket. He swears under his breath and kinda maybe hopes that Moth Man doesn't have super hearing, too, because he needs to get home. His son is sick, he doesn't have time for wannabe-villains in cheap costumes.
Horrible costumes.
Moth Man's felt wings flutter behind him as he lowers his gun and points it back at the shaken clerk.
"See?" he sneers. "Now give me the money."
Terrible costumes.
Honestly, villains these days are just kind of stupid. Where's the anonymity when everyone knows your shadow? How are you supposed to sneak around causing problems and slitting throats when you have giant neon green felt moth wings sticking three feet out of you? And those goggles had better be night vision, or poor Moth Man is going to walk face-first into a lamppost the second he leaves the store.
Cellbit shakes his head and goes to find the soup. Back in his day...
"I was!" the clerk shouts. "Here!"
She opens the register, and then two things happen in quick succession:
1. Cellbit picks up a can of chicken noodle soup. He's not a huge fan himself, but Forever swears by it, and Richarlyson's cold is bad enough that Cellbit's willing to try anything. (He's only had this kid for five weeks, but he thinks he'd kill for him, and that's saying something.)
2. A brilliant flash of red and blue crashes through the store's front display window with a whoop.
Spiders! Cellbit hears. He smiles despite himself, licks his lips just briefly before catching himself and biting his tongue back into his mouth.
Spider-Man's poses are maybe one of the more badass things about him. He lands on the counter in a classic pose, crouched with one hand flat on the counter and the other pointed directly at Moth Man's face. His forehead is pressed against the gun's end, and he's probably smiling under his mask, the freak.
"S-Spider-Man!" Moth Man squeaks. "What are you doing here?"
Spider-Man tilts his head. "Uuuuuh, kicking your ass?"
And then he punches the fucker right in the nose.
Moth Man skitters backwards, crashing into a rack of newspapers. His finger slips and he fires his gun right into the register, sending the clerk screaming onto the floor. Good, she doesn't need to be involved.
"What the fuck what the fuck-" Moth Man breathes.
He jumps to his feet and points his phone's camera at Spider-Man, who doesn't so much as give him enough time to start narrating before slinging a web and stealing the phone right out of his hand.
Silently, Cellbit slips his own phone out of his pocket and starts recording. Just for himself, really. He'll add it to the Google Doc later.
Spider-Man turns Moth Man's phone over in his hands thoughtfully.
"Dude, is this an iPhone?" he asks. "Since when do you have iPhone money?"
"Fuck you, I have money!"
He fires his gun again, this time on purpose. Spider-Man easily dodges the bullet, not even looking up from the phone's web-covered screen.
"With that costume?" Spider-Man snorts and shakes his head. "No way, man."
"My costume is awesome!" Moth Man snaps. "Fuck you! Die, Spider-Man!"
He's terrified, Cellbit can smell the fear coming off of him in waves. It's sour and black and foul and gut-turning, but it could be stronger. This guy might be dumb, but he's also too stupid to realize he's in a fight he can't win. It's embarrassing.
But, really, it's none of Cellbit's business. He's just gonna sneak out as soon as he-
A screeching Moth Man flies past him, his bare hand grazing Cellbit's nose, crashing into the back row of freezers. Cellbit flinches back a step, fumbling with his phone. He gets it level just as Spider-Man pounces on the villain from above with a happy little cheer.
Inexplicably, Moth Man screams and curls into himself, dropping his gun and cowering and muttering to himself.
Whoops.
Spider-Man stands above him mid-kick, confused.
"Dude," says Spider-Man, "what the hell is wrong with you? Come on, get up!"
Cellbit starts sneaking his way out, slipping away as Spider-Man tries getting Moth Man to get up and finish their battle properly.
None of his business, he tells himself. It's none of his business. He got his footage, it's none of his business. One step at a time, tonight is not the night for an interview. He has a sick son to take care of. Investigating can wait.
...He stops in the doorway to take one last video, this one of Spider-Man chasing the poor terrified Moth Man around the store practically begging for him to stop being weird, what kind of fight is this supposed to be?
Camera off, slip out onto the streets and start the trip back home.
Forever's gonna be pissed about the shoplifting, but at least it isn't murder anymore. Cellbit is trying to set a good example.
-
Based off of THIS AU
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intoxicated-chan · 8 months
Note
May I please request headcanons for Cassie, Hanzo, and Erron reacting to their artist S/O painting a badass portrait of them?
When Their S/O Draws a Painting of Them…
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✿ฺ Characters ➳❥ Cassandra Cage, Hanzo Hasashi, and Erron Black…
✿ฺ (A/n) ➳❥ I swear I didn’t forget your request! I’m sorry it took me so long! But I’m back now but for now, I’m going slow. Anyways, take care everyone!!
✿ฺ Content Warnings ➳❥ Gender Neutral Reader, slight suggestive content, mentions of violence, mentions of guns, pet names (Darlin’) just fluffy fluff…
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CASSANDRA CAGE
Cassie would definitely find many ways to promote/show off. Whether it be subtle ways or VERY obvious ways, she just likes talking about her partner’s skills and interest.
She likes watching you do the painting rather than being the person you draw.
But if you do, especially one that clearly shows off her strength, she will praise the most she can.
She might even cry that you took time out of your day to paint her and even add the perfect detail, almost like a photo was taken.
“I’ll be sure to take care of this one! I won’t let anything happen to it… Thank you, (Y/n).”
HANZO HASASHI
Hanzo always loved paintings. Whether they were works in progress or simply forgotten, he will love it all. He adores seeing works that were done with paint and loves the details in them.
Often when he meditates, he looses track of time. Yes, his senses are high but it’s always down when he’s with you.
He can hear how you quietly hum to yourself and hear shuffles around the room to get a better look of him.
Hanzo will hang up your painting, especially one if it’s him using his kunai, the added fire… He definitely loves being your model.
“I love everything about it, you really do keep on surprising me.”
ERRON BLACK
Honestly, I feel like he would prefer sketches over painting, mainly because he doesn’t want your paintings to get ruined if it was still wet.
He knows his strength and how much you love painting, so he tries to touch them with care, dry or not.
He doesn’t rant to ruin it. Even more when he sees that you painted him using his guns, he will say something cocky.
He likes to keep paintings that you gifted him in his small home, or cabin. He may suggest that he model in different ways, if you’re comfortable with it!
“Goddamn! Never thought I looked so good. Always keeping me on my toes, don’t you, Darlin’?”
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© 2023 Intoxicated-Chan, I do not allow my work to be copied, translated, modified, adapted, or put on any other platform without permission.
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znitsamluv · 1 year
Text
𝐈'𝐦 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫 !
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𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐭𝐡𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 . Pt.1
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚 𝐩𝐥𝐳 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 <3
Warnings : some swearing ig ?
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•Mikey
° Mikey is usually busy with his business with Bonten and is hardly home but when he is there he makes sure he is giving his full attention to his family especially your son .
• It was dinner time and Mikey noticed you and s/n exchanging looks before you started talking.
° " s/n wanted to ask you something since last week but you were busy " the look you were giving Mikey made him immediately know that if he refused what was going to be said he will be in deep shit .
° " I have a big game tomorrow and I wanted you to be there to watch... But if you are busy I understand" Mikey's heart sank the moment he saw s/n eyes look slightly sad as if he was expecting a rejection, Mikey had an important meeting with Bonten tomorrow but he won't risk losing any more time away from his family.
° that's how Bonten ended having the meeting in the Stadium of the match 💀 They all wore normal clothes and caps but that didn't cover for the fact that they were literally talking about criminal business beside normal citizens .
° whenever s/n score Mikey would smile warmly and clap elegantly and then side eye his colleagues to see if they were cheering along with him .
° the proudest father ever .
° better believe s/n is getting hella presents the second the match is finished.
• Sanzu
° loud af in the competition hall .
° might even bring a banner with your daughter's name to show his support while your daughter is melting from embarrassment 😭
° would get hella side eyes from families beside him from his funky hair color and obnoxious behavior but they all don't have the guts to say anything.
° a mother complained about his inappropriate language and ' abuse of swear words in front of innocent souls ' so Sanzu had to be held back by you and was petty af that he started swearing louder 😭
° He heard a mother call your daughter a crazy bitch after your daughter rocked her son's shit in the taekwondo match, he excused himself to the bathroom and spotted them and immediately held his gun to them .
° " call my daughter a crazy bitch again and I will show you who she got her craziness from , if I saw you again better believe you will be six feet underground, .... Consider this a promise "
° once the competition ended he was the first to run to her and pick her up to spin her around while telling her how amazing she did .
° would rub it in Ran and Rindou faces the day after in the office telling them how badass his daughter is and brag about her for the rest of the day.
• Kakucho
° Kakucho has all of your son's timetable in his office so he doesn't miss any moment even if he was busy he will squeeze a 20 minute between the work to at least drop your son off to his training.
° He loves asking his son how training went everyday and even though Kakucho is tired and his eyes are red from overworking and lack of sleep he still sit and listen to s/n rambles about how tiring the training was and how a teammate of his was rude .
° he asks Mikey for a free day before your son's important match everytime and he is always the first one to arrive at the match hall .
° the other families really like you and your husband and how you both raised your son so expect lots of greetings when you both arrive .
° before the match starts Kakucho excuses himself and goes to your son to give him some encouraging words .
° " Hey buddy , no matter the result me and your mother are very proud of you, you trained hard and I believe you will do amazing, as long as you play fairly I know you will win . Now go and show everyone who is s/n Hitto "
° Kakucho usually stands in a corner the majority of the match where he has a better vision of the match going on , he is always on the run if s/n falls or get hurt .
° Once your son scored the final goal that sealed the match he claps and proudly says with his whole heart for everyone to hear " That's my son!"
• Koko
° Koko is usually busy so he tries to at least be included in any way so he buys your daughter any training clothes she likes or equipment that will help her better , no matter the price he is going to pay .
° since your daughter plays tennis she has a bad habit of breaking her racquet after losing so Koko has a whole room full of expensive racquets so she can replace the one she broke .
° " The moment you see the one you are playing against is crying from losing make sure to take a pic for me "
° Koko has a whole album on his phone of your daughter posing while her rivals are crying in the background.
° He once had to take the rest of Bonten with him because he couldn't miss your daughter's important competition but he also couldn't dump his work .
° Better believe the whole place was filled with cheers and screams of encouraging words just for your d/n ( Koko told them whoever cheers the loudest will get a money raise ) .
° D/n was going to play against a boy so as an elegant girl she is she wanted a handshake for good vibes yk before the match.
° but the boy gave her a smirk and looked her up and down before laughing.
° Koko was boiling with anger but remained calm and crossed his legs watching his prideful daughter do what he told her " don't leave him till his is crying"
° D/n didn't have mercy she literally dominated the whole match not even letting them score a single ball , to the point he started crying and begging for an early end of the match.
° taking out her phone she snapped a photo before sending it to Koko who was in the crowd clapping proudly.
° Let's just say D/n was the main talk in the building of Bonten and in meetings for the next few weeks .
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velvetlilacsdaisies · 2 months
Text
Fourth Wing Men HCs: nicknames for him
Includes: Bodhi Durran, Garrick Tavis
A/n: I haven’t wrote some headcannons in a HOT minute, but me and @garricks4thwingqueen have been conspiring and inspired me to take a whack at it again. These got a smidge long, so I will make a part 2 with more characters, and other scenarios, but you know who had to start with! I also included some AI pics I’ve been cooked up that are mashes of my fancasts ideas for the characters. I have the hardest times visualizing a lot of characters and places in stories and sometimes the AIs I’ve seen all look alike or aren’t itching the right part of my brain. Disclaimer: I tried to take into consideration book accuracy, but AI is AI and I only dabble w it on my phone. So I’ll take what I can get. Skin tones, hair, proportions may not be perfect. These just personally help get a better concept, and I find fun to make, and anddd risking forgetting about a free 7 day trail from time to time 🕳️🤸‍♀️ *muah* enjoy!
Warnings: swearing, underage drinking/smoking (if u squint), suggestive content
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Bodhi Durran
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Bo/Boh, beau, bowie, Bo Bo, babe, love
Xaden and him are maternal cousins. While the firstborn always had the weight of responsibility growing up being an heir by his parents. The younger cousin was always ‘coddled’ by his. Though he adored his family, he hated how they always doted on him. Mainly because of how much his older cousin and his best friend would tease him about it.
Xaden and Garrick started cooing “Bowie” and “Bo Bo” at him when they were 12, he was 11.
“Bowie, don’t forget to write to me.” “Bowie, be good for your uncle.” “Oh Bo Bo don’t you look so handsome today!” They’d snicker to him under their breaths when he’d arrive at the fortress when his mom would drop him before flying out to an outpost. Watching how his cheeks flushed red, and he had tight balled fists pressed at his sides.
Once the doors closed, after formal introductions with his Uncle and lingering personal staff were done, and once the adults a room away—he would hurl one of his clenched fists at their shoulders.
Starting a playful brawl amongst the three
Spoiler alert: Bo Bo back then lost once or twice…maybe a handful of times
Then as awkward teenagers when problems were simpler the three of the pubescent boys discovered churam and drinking. Bodhi started unironically calling himself Bo Bo and Bowie, mockingly teasing himself as a ‘bit’.
The young men were sat around a fire in the clearing to the outside of Riorson House. Xaden and Garrick in a heated debate over a petty topic. “Bo Bo can’t comprehend what’s going on right now.” He would say, exaggerating and scratching his the top of his head. It had been effective for the most part to ease the tension between his friends
Now from time to time, he’ll still do it especially if you’re present. He always thought you looked cute as you shook your head with a crooked smile spread across your face when he did it
Sometimes fhd guys would find him doing something badass, you’ll hear triumphant whooping from Xaden and Garrick, endearingly using the nicknames they called him as a child
“Go Bowie!” “Bo Bo that was fucking awesome!” “Bowie! Bowie! Bowie!”
But if anyone else besides the select few called him those names, he’d glare daggers at them. Like the time Ridoc tried to call him Bo Bo during lunch while the group was joking around
Bodhi’s boyish grin disappeared instantaneously. “If you ever call me that, I will rip your tongue out.”
The first time he heard you call him Bowie tho, he nearly melted. It was one of the first times you slept over with him and he had to get up early for a leadership meeting
You propped up on elbow, using your other hand to wipe the sleep from your eyes. “Do you have to go, Bowie?” A small pout on your lips watching him get dressed
His other pet names from you were selective, usually just calling him Bo/Boh, but your favorites were Babe and Love
Babe being the one you leaned towards the most
especially when you would catch him doing something ridiculous or he’d press your buttons. Or just when you wanted something
“Babe? Are you kidding me?” “Babe stop!”
“Babe can you get me another drink, please?” You asked, looking up from your lashes with puppy dog eyes. He folded every time no matter if you were closer to the serving station or bar. How could he say no when you gave him that look? Not caring, flipping all his friends off as they’d give him knowing smiles.
He was a simp for you
Love was usually reserved for tender moments with him. When you’d notice he’d be having a bad day, or to calm him down when you’d notice he was fuming silently beside you at something going on
Intertwining your fingers with his giving a reassuring squeeze. “It’s alright, Love.”
Or holding his cheeks, bringing him to eye level with you. “I’m here, Love. Can you take a couple deep breaths for me?”
Sometimes you broke out the corny double entendre of beau. Very select people would get it, but you thought it was great
Mainly you’d be out to the taverns with your friends when you’d use it. Usually when a girl would approach him, and you’d try to hide your jealousy tho it was plain as day
“He’s actually my beau.” You’d say, a sinisterly sweet smile on your face when a girl tried to introduce herself. Your hand twirling the curls at the nape of his neck. Bodhi would always shiver from the gesture, trying to contain his arousal at your possessiveness
Then later in the night, he’d pin you to the wall of his room. Pressing feverish kisses up the column of your throat. “Are you gonna show me all the way I’m your beau?” He muttered before grazing the delicate skin with his teeth
Garrick Tavis
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Gare, Tavis, Gary, Gare Bear, Hon/Honey, Sir
His parents tried to call him Gary at one point growing up, but he always ignored them or begged them not to call him that. It always sounded so stupid to him
Garrick was blunt, dry, and straight to the point not caring for nicknames. Only really preferring to be called by his name or Gare on occasion by his friends and acquaintances. His last name an even better alternative than a nickname
But Xaden, Imogen, and Bodhi took a sick pleasure in all the creative corny nicknames his parents would try to make a thing for him growing up.
“I think we oughta get Gary’s input?” Imogen leaned her chin in her hand as they all discussed weekend plans after school looking over at the towering young man. The side of her mouth crookedly lilting upward, knowing she struck a nerve. Garrick could already feel his eye twitch, clenching his quill as he acted like he hadn’t heard them a few feet away at the table in the library.
“It seems Gare Bear’s not in the mood today.” Xaden would casually lean back in his chair, smirking, and watching his best friend stroll into the dining room late for dinner time after a terrible day
Which would result in Garrick walking by, and tipping his chair back causing the Riorson to flail and fall backwards. “Relax asshole,” Xaden hissed, rubbing his head.
To this day they still called him the silly names. Taking immense pride when you had picked up on the memo, and started to call Garrick the names he despised. Especially because you two weren’t each others favorite people at first
The first time it happened, it was when Garrick pissed you off. He had been criticizing all your sparring movements, and you had enough. “Sorry we can’t all be perfect like you, Gare Bear.” You’d sneer, watching the irritation form on his face.
“Do not call me that.” He’d glower, but you’d just smile brightly. “Whatever you say…Gare Bear.”
Seeing how it got under his skin, from that moment on you’d always call him just to pester him. Enjoying the glare he’d shoot your way or awaiting for whatever witty remark he’d reply
Eventually once you two started getting along, you called him his first name, being more considerate towards his feelings. Garrick’s chest filling with disappointment as he awaited the usual Gare Bear falling from your pretty lips.
“Hey Garrick,” it was a rare moment when you found him by himself. None of your mutual friends around for once, and one of the first interactions you had alone. “What?” He looked up from what he doing. “I said hey?” You gave him a weird look. “But you called me Garrick.” He said in disbelief. “That’s your name isn’t it?” “You always call me Gare Bear tho.”
That’s when you realized he secretly liked it despite him trying to act annoyed at you.
Then when you had officially started dating, he had to get used to fact you loved calling him all these terms of endearment. Deep down, loving how you could make him become bashful by your words
“Here you go, Honey.” Leaning down, kissing his cheek, setting down a dish of apple crisp in front of him. You knew how much he liked the dessert and grabbed an extra one when getting your dinner. Garrick’s cheeks tinged red and chuckled appreciatively, “you’re the best.” His friends just silently stared as if you two had three heads. “What’s the matter?” You asked the group unphased, taking a seat. “You broke him.” Imogen replied in awe.
You had changed his perception on being called nicknames. Even letting it slide when his friends poked fun at him with the once despicable nicknames
Out of all the nicknames you called him, his favorite by far was the one you’d use in the bedroom.
“Please,” you begged, while sitting on your knees. “Please what?” Garrick gripped your chin between his thumb and forefinger. You gulped, “please Sir.” A cruel smirk on his face, pressing a small kiss to your lips. “Good girl.”
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insipid-drivel · 2 years
Text
Southern Colloquialisms To Enrage ESL Bloggers:
I see a few posts asking international and other tumblr bloggers to supply the literal English translations to common colloquial phrases for the sake of the sheer silliness, strangeness, and outright lunacy of what happens when you take a colloquialism and take it literally (Factoid: linguists refer to this process as “Pidgin”)
But what about Southern colloquialisms from the United States that don’t even make sense in their native language? Hello! My great-great grandmother was born in a ditch outside of a mud house with mud floors in the Dust Bowl in the United States and I didn’t know I had a Southern accent until my friends in the Pacific Northwest pointed it out!
I have relatives from all along the Bible Belt, aka the “Old South” that, you know... Yeah. A few of my cousins are awesome people and we trade notes over ridiculous phrases our relatives and elders used that we never understood, but accepted on a spiritual level. Here are some I grew up with:
“Got myself a short cold.” - “I have seasonal allergies and just mowed the lawn.”
“Oh, crap and molasses!” - “I forgot something at home and we’re already almost to our destination and I don’t want to swear in front of polite company and small children.”
“Eating high on the hog tonight!” - “We’re not eating scrap cuts and offal for dinner because steaks were 2-for-1 today.”
“Hoecake” - A form of pancake or “Johnny Cake” made from corn meal instead of flour. They’re delicious.
“Catawampus” or “Cattywampus” - “I’m gonna have to wash that off the ceiling but at least it worked. It’s messy.” 
 “Piddling” and “Piddly” - Any worthless or time-wasting endeavor or result that helps no one. “This paycheck is plum piddly, hoss. Quit piddlin’ ‘round and gimme that re-GI-nal manager’s job y’all know I’m qualified for.”
“Hoss” - “Boss” that you also think could probably beat the crap out of you behind an alley for catching you cheating at pool.
“That boy’s bigger’n a brick shithouse.” - “Your physique and muscular stature is intimidating to the degree that I am complimenting you by comparing you to a solid structure everyone would regret trying to knock down.” 
“Crazier’n a shithouse rat.” - “Dude, please talk to a psychiatrist.”
“Doohickey” - Any object or concept you can’t remember the name of but need urgently. Often accompanied by aggressive hand waving in the approximate direction of said object without actually looking at it.
“Y’all better hush up back there!” - Your grandmother’s polite way of warning you she’s going to take a flyswatter to your ass if you don’t shut the fuck up in Church.
“Y’all’d’ve” - A real contraction I can’t even stop myself from using meaning “You all should/would have” and am leaving here just for the English majors out there. 
“Dude” - A completely urbanized individual who has no idea how to live or function in a rural or wild setting without technology and utilities and can’t ride a horse or milk a cow.
“Proudboy” - Oh yes, it was already a thing. In Southern slang, a “Proudboy” is a neutered male horse that still acts like he’s a badass stallion the mares will want to mate with. “Poor proudboy ain’t noticed yet, bless his heart.” 
“Bless his/hers/your heart.” -  “Because the Good Lord sure didn’t bless your head.” It’s also used as a heartfelt form of “Thank you” when someone goes out of their way to offer you a kind and thoughtful gesture. Context is important.
“Don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.” - “You are no longer welcome in this space and if you don’t leave now I’m literally going to slam the door on your ass.” 
“Living in high cotton” - “I have achieved fiscal success and am using a colloquial term to refer to it without considering the fact that the term originated out of slave plantations.”
“If the creek don’t rise.” - Basically “Knock on wood.” A term meaning, “I’ve prepared for everything but what I can’t prepare for or anticipate and will achieve my goal so long as it is within my power to do it.” Bonus points if you pronounce “creek” as “crick”.
 “Fixin’ to” - Another polite way of indicating you’re about to aggressively undertake a task. “I’m fixin’ to whip ya ass, son.” This is not to be confused with “Fixin’s” singular, which refers to the ingredients or catalysts required to cook or complete something that requires assembly.
“Doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.” - A hill of beans is a Southern unit of measurement for anything that remains worthless regardless of how much of it you have, much like NFTs. “Your anti-TERF ‘sources’ don’t amount to a hill of beans, proudboy.”
“(Way) Over yonder” - “It’s over there, and the number of times I repeat the word ‘way’ prior to ‘over’ is indicative of how much yonder is between you and there. Sorry, what’s a yonder? You just asked me to show you! It’s way, way over there! Bless your heart...”
“Madder than a wet hen.” - “Oops, you have reached ‘yikes’ level of pissed off. Better skedaddle!”
“Skedaddle” - “RUN AWAY FAST NOW AAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
“It’s blowin’ up a storm.” - The sensory indicators of an oncoming heavy storm or hurricane that presents with the smell of ozone, high humidity, and an abrupt drop in temperature. Yes, it’s a thing; I can also smell when a storm’s gathering and it is a distinct set of very subtle odors.
“Pretty as a peach.” - “That individual whose pronouns are irrelevant but is most commonly a woman or proud of rocking a femme aesthetic is exceptionally beautiful and I admire them.” 
“Busy as a cat on a hot tin roof.” - “We’re overburdened and understaffed to the point that I am numb to all forms of communication that don’t involve someone being on fire.”
“Aren’t you precious.” - Not a question unless it begins with “Well,”. Depending on tone, it either is a high compliment toward someone’s appearance or behavior being exceptional, or as a sarcastic response to when someone says something insulting to you. “Awww, you’re so sweet, baby sister!” vs. “That insult was just adorable.” 
“Yes Sir/Ma’am/Mx” - Also applies to “No”. Answering a question with “Sir”, “Ma’am”, or “Mx” to someone that is your age or older is just considered universally respectful in polite conversation. If a Southern person suddenly stops answering your questions with your preferred pronouns or never does at all, it probably means they have 0 respect for you. When the small niceties disappear, you’ve fucked up.
“Frunchard” - “Front yard”, the opposite of the back yard. 
“Quit being ugly.” - “Stop being an asshole.”
“He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.” - “You’re so stupidly full of yourself you’d probably honestly believe the sun rises and sets just for you.”
“That dog won’t hunt.” - “I know you believe it’s a good idea, but uh... it’s not.” Also used in place of replying to a person’s excuse you know is 100% bullshit.
“Well, I declare...” - “I am about to obliquely reveal broad adjectives reflective of my emotional state or opinion about this state of affairs and you should probably prepare yourself for more nonsensical colloquialisms.”
“My eyeballs are floating.” - “I need to pee so badly it isn’t going to be an option very, very soon.”
“Can’t never could.” - “Can’t never could do nothing!” That’s... that’s literally it. I can’t elaborate any more than saying it’s a term indicating you’re feeling optimistic. 
“Give him two nickels for a dime and he’ll think he’s rich.” - “This person’s stupidity is physically painful to experience.”
“That makes me wanna slap my mama!” - “I am so impressed/pleased with that experience that we’ve circled around to domestic violence somehow.” 
“You could start an argument in an empty house.” - “Go to anger management classes.”
“Ain’t got the good sense God gave a rock.” - “I cannot fathom this level of lack of common sense and forethought and require divine intervention immediately.”
“Slicker than pig snot on a radiator.” -  “That person is the Webster’s definition of a scumbag.”
“About as useless as a screen door on a submarine.” - I think that one is pretty self-explanatory.
“There’s not a pot too crooked that a lid won’t fix.” - “There’s someone out there for everyone. Don’t give up on finding love and companionship just because you’re different.”
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Fred Weasley x male! Reader - Fred Weasley is sure his family thinks his boyfriend is a lunatic
A/n: the reader lives in the usa, normally I wouldn't try and mention where the reader lives (I don't live in the us) but it felt better with this fic. Also we live for badass muggle readers, there will be many more to come!
Warnings: Swearing, fighting (physically), the reader having some mental health problems but it isn't touched upon further then you can read, I think that's it? You have been warned!
Summary: Being introduced to Fred's family as his muggle american boyfriend already makes you sound like some exotic animal to them. It probably won't help that you have another secret just waiting to come out...
The three P's:
[Pov: 2nd person] [Pronouns used: you/your, he/him] [Pairings: (romantic!) fred x reader, (platonic!) fred/reader x the order/weasley family, (mentioned romantic!) Hermione x ron, (mentioned parental! harry x sirius]
I do NOT support J. K. Rowling, or any transphobic/homophobic things she says (or anything she says really), or TERFS!
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You stared up at the ceiling of the Grimwald place with your hands laid on to the sides without a care in the world, opposing the anxious feeling bubbling in your throat.
You closed your eyes as you heard the familiar whispers of the other members of the Weasley family and the "order" replaying in your mind; "A boyfriend, a muggle boyfriend? And an American!" You must have been something to gauk at.
They looked at you as if you were some strange enigma not a newly graduate from your public highschool that wasn't fancy, and no, did not have moving staircases.
Who the fuck would want staircases that moved and that someone could potentially fall down? It seemed like a major safety hazard to you. Though all of Hogwarts seemed like a violation of the welfare of children from all the bits that Fred had told you about, although you're sure your city was much worse.
Where you lived there was crime left and right, and so much of the police were corrupt that it was dangerous to walk at night without someone beside you in case you got jumped.
Damn it, you were not supposed to think about crime right now, because it would just make you more anxious and jumpy and it always sent your spider senses aloof. Yet all you could think about was your city, without it's hero - Spiderman, to protect it. You just prayed while you were away the villains decided to take a break too.
The door to your room opened and your body immediately stood up, triggering it's flight or fight response with your muscles tensing up and you mentally preparing yourself for a fight.
Only to see Fred Weasley, your boyfriend enter the room.
Holy hell, you really were going insane.
Letting out a sigh of relief you let yourself fall against Fred and let your head rest on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around you.
"Tired?"
"Hm."
"Was it my father asking relentless questions, or them thinking you were a friend, and me having to come out of the closet?"
You lift your head and smile lazily at his cheeky grin on his face as he teased you.
"Wouldn't you say wardrobe?"
Fred rolled his eyes. "You Americans always butchering our way of speaking, it's wardrobe, and no. Saying "coming out of the wardrobe" sounds absolutely ridiculous."
You laugh at him and close your eyes, you let your worries about being in England and leaving your city unprotected slowly ebb away with Fred's presence. He always had that affect on you, calming you, letting your mind settle down from the endless ways that people could be dying and how you could be failing to save them.
Not that he knew of course.
When Fred was trying out a new product for Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, he had accidentally gotten teleported to your house in America. Well it was your aunt's house at the time but that was besides the point.
It scared the ever living shit out of you, and you nearly thought he was a super villain with immense powers. No, it was just some stupid boy who had been mistakenly apparated to your residency and who couldn't get back because he didn't have his wand on him when he did.
"Freddie- or whatever your name is, I have a feeling you're not in England anymore."
After introducing you to magic, he was stayed at your place for three months, because you had no way to buy him a plane ticket to London, as you were barely scraping by as is. And someone would have to show him the terrors of an airport and how to navigate (that person being you) meaning you would need two tickets.
Eventually he found a witch who would apparate him back, although he was hesitant. He didn't want to leave you.
Reasoning with him that his family probably thought he was dead (also considering he did tell you there was a war with some dark wizard named Morty?) So he did, not before he confessed to you and decided he would come see you every weekend.
Then every weekend, became every other day and every other day became every day after work.
He was with you through everything and had told you things about himself his twin didn't even know, insecurities not meant for the cruel world. He was there for you when aunt may died, and when your best friend did too.
Yet you couldn't tell him your secret, that you were Spiderman. That you went out every night and saved people from getting hurt - or worse. Maybe more simply put that you were bitten by a radioactive spider that gave you superpowers (heighten senses, the ability to climb walls, webs, heightened intelligence, healing factor, spidey senses, super strength, super speed, super reflexes, superhuman durability, and immunity to wizard spells) and when your uncle died made you want to become a capped crusader without a cape that saved people?
Alright, perhaps that is a bit harder to explain.
Still you felt guilty that you hadn't told him, the two of you had been together for two years, he deserved to know.
"You alright there love?" Fred asked you as he ran a hand through your hair. "I seemed to have lost you there for a minute."
An American, muggle, boyfriend; man his family must have stared at you like a freak in a cage and you didn't notice.
"Fred I have to-"
You cut yourself off as your spidey sense started "tingling" more like blaring in your brain.
Quickly you pushed Fred to the left side of the room as a women in some weird sliver mask and black gown (that must not have been good for running after people in,) appeared out of some black smoke.
Emo much?
A spell whosed out of her wand as it hit the wall behind you two and you blankly wondered (not minding the danger) if she was in a cult.
It definitely wasn't one of yours that's for sure, usually they had better costumes.
"They've gotten passed our defenses!" A yell was heard from outside your secluded room and you couldn't be bothered to identify who it was before Fred casted some spell that made the women fall down straight like a board.
You could admire the irony in that.
Fred looked at you with confusion in his eyes. "How did you- It doesn't matter, you stay in here, okay? It's not safe out there."
Oh it was deatheaters, the people they were at war with. So you were right, it was a cult, to be fair it wasn't just any cult, it was the cult.
Fred quickly casts a spell under his breath over towards the lady now stiffed on the ground and closed to door on your face. As he locked it without even touching it.
You cursed, stupid magic, stupid people, stupid boyfriend, you had to get to them and help. You knew you could help because you were sure Wizards that hated anyone who wasn't "pure" and hated muggles didn't carry guns, making them incredibly useless. In addition to that wouldn't they not learn basic self defense because that would be below them or something?
So it would be mostly a saving-people-from-dying mission, you hated those.
"Because someone always ends up dying." A voice in the back of your mind speaks, way too happily when talking about death.
You slam the side of your body against the door as it flew off the hinges and you ran out to help the others. Whoops, hopefully you wouldn't have to pay for that.
You had the advantage of sneaking in, so you climbed up the walls so that you were sticking to the roof. It was strange climbing again in regular clothes, you usually did it in your spidey suit. It reminded you of when you were just starting out and freaking out about your powers, it nearly made you chuckle
Spotting Fred's twin - George (yes you could tell them apart it wasn't that hard) in a tough spot with two deatheaters cornering him you decided it was your time to jump into action before someone got hurt.
"Hey asshole!" You yelled at his perpetrators from the ceiling. "It's over, I have the high ground!"
Then you dropped from the ceiling on one of their faces.
The masked deatheater that you jumped on crumbled to the ground and hit their head on the floor and didn't make another noise. You didn't have time to check their pulse and make sure you didn't accidentally kill them as the other one sent a spell flying your way.
You giggled at their stunned expression when the spell did absolutely nothing to you.
"Ya, that isn't going to work buddy." You spoke confidentially before leaping towards them and punching them in the face.
"But may the force me with you!" You yelled as you threw your arm back to readying it for another punch.
You hit them just with the right amount of force, and just in the right place that they would get knocked out. You didn't want to do some brain damage or anything. You're sure there were some Wizard police or something that could take care of them, and they most likely would want to extract information from them too considering they were in war right now.
Okay two down, ten more to go? This is the best break ever!
Molly, Fred's mum was firing spell after spell at people, and didn't seem to need any help, and Sirius Black (escaped wrongly convicted?) was also just doing fine as he fought along side his godson. Harry Potter, the kid who the leader of the deatheater cult really wanted to kill because he couldn't kill a fucking baby. Although, he always waited at the end of the year to either try and kill him or apprehend him.
Well, at least Morty cared about the kid's education right?
You scanned your eyes around the room and they fell on Fred's youngest sister who was fighting along side Ron, and Hermione (who should really fuck already) and looked to be losing.
To be fair, three kids versus five adults? Didn't exactly seem fair to you.
You judo kicked one of them, before throat punching another, then knocking one on the jaw (you really hoped it wasn't broken,) while dodging some strikes coming your way.
"Here's Johnny!" You screamed.
Next you webbed the fourth cult member's arms and legs together, and finally you got the last one in a choke-hold cutting off their air supply before they fell to the ground on conscious.
You fought the remaining one off before having your short victory of them all being alive but unable to move or open their eyes.
"Bloody hell, I know, you're that superhero from America - Spiderman!" Ron exclaims.
Winking at him you let your spidey sense guide you to the next danger.
"I'm Batman." You grudge in your best Bruce Wayne impression possible before throwing your head back with laughter.
"Yes, it's Spiderman." You clarify, at their perplexed expressions and their wonderment of your sanity.
Suddenly your brain flared and you shot a web at Fred quicker than the speed of light and pulled him towards you with it as a spell that was bright green that sounded like "abracadabra" narrowly missed him.
You felt like you knew the spell, you feel like Fred had told you about it specifically- Oh. It was the killing curse.
That Bastard tried to murder your boyfriend.
Rage filled your veins that you hadn't felt since your uncle died, an old friend that come to greet you with a dagger in it's hands that had your name on it.
This was had to end now.
You took down the rest of the deatheaters swiftly even if the idiots had figured out you were immune to magic they were no match for you.
Then, some white light, smokey stuff came from out of nowhere and people stepped out of it. You almost go to attack them only to see that they didn't don the stupid all black gowns, nor the sliver cult masks with designs only children would call creepy.
Was this the rest of the order?
"The the fuck happened here." Some guy spoke with an mechanical eye, but not really mechanical eye? It just looked everywhere at any point? You were so confused honestly.
You're pretty sure the most emotion you've been feeling this entire time has been confusion.
"Sorry, did I step on your moment?" You question them with a toothy grin while your boyfriend marveled at you with a bright red blush covering his ears and cheeks.
"Merlin, that was so hot."
You throw your head back in laughter as George elbows Fred who continues to ogle at you.
"So you're not mad?" You ask him as your eyes flash with fear.
"Mad? Why would I be mad?" He chuckles and comes forward to wrap an arm around your waist.
"Well I kinda didn't tell you and you told me about your wizard thingy..." You trail off, as your hands fidget with each other.
"As much as this is sweet-" The man with mechanical the eye starts up with a grumble.
"No, no, I want to see how this will play out." A women with pink hair smirks.
"Were you going to tell me eventually?" Fred continues.
"Yes, why wouldn't I?"
"Exactly, you just had to tell me in your own time."
You gaped at the man in front of you, you couldn't believe that this wizard is yours.
"I love you so much!" You threw your arms around Fred's neck.
"Mate!" Ron piped up. "Fred's boyfriend just annihilated a bunch of deatheaters like they were flies! How is hugging him now?!"
Fred just ignores his brother as he places a kiss on your brow.
"I love you too, you crazy spider."
Bonus 1:
"I think my family is terrified of you now." Fred whispers in your ear as you glance over Ron who's shaking slightly as he leans over to Hermione and mutters something to her along the lines of; "He took down twelve deatheaters! Of course I'm scared!"
"That's what Ron's telling Hermione right now."
Fred stares at you, an astonished look appearing over his freckles.
"You can hear them, from here!"
"It's called super hearing babe."
"I know you, already explained your powers to me! But you willingly listened in on them!"
You bashfully turned your head. "I was just curious!"
"Who are you, and what have you done with Y/n!"
"You caught me! I'm Bond, James Bond."
Bonus 2:
"You know Morty and his deatheaters should really learn self defense." You state with your arms crossed around your chest. "I'm seriously concerned about their physical well beings!"
Fred looked over at you as his face split into a grin and his belly filled with uncontrollable laughter.
"Did you just call Voldemort, Morty!"
"That isn't his name?"
Words 2511
-thedelusionreaderbitch
Hp Taglist: @regulusblackswhorecrux
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reader pronouns: she/her, reader is Rick’s sister warning: language (it’s Negan so duh), threats of violence, fear and anxiety, angsssstttt
“Dwight, bring Daryl over here,” Negan said, still smiling broadly. “I want to make sure he can hear all of this.” 
Dwight shoved Daryl hard in the back and he nearly tripped from it. He managed somehow to keep his feet under him and he walked forward until he was standing beside Negan.
Negan paced a line in front of all of you, but his eyes didn’t leave your face. You’d been singled out, and you felt nausea rolling in your stomach as you glanced across Negan’s tall, lean frame and looked at the state Daryl was in. The bat swung in a wide arc at Negan’s side and then perched up on his shoulder again as he stopped in front of you. 
“I can’t believe you all having been holding out on me,” Negan said. “I thought I made it perfectly fuckin’ clear that that shit would not be tolerated.”
Rick stepped forward, sweat dripping down his face from terror of what was about to happen. “We haven’t been holding—”
“Rick, shut the fuck up and get back where you fuckin’ were,” Negan growled, pointing a gloved finger at him. Your brother wilted, giving you a desperate and terrified look, and stepped back. 
“Now, where was I?” Negan paused. The scowl on his face melted back into that cocky smile and he stopped right in front of you. “Imagine how fuckin’ surprised I was to find out that Rick the Prick had a sister. Ya’ll must have forgotten to mention that one, hmm? And not just a sister,” he paused and clicked his tongue, looking you up and down, “but damn! I can see who got all the good looks in the family,” he finished, shooting another mocking smile at Rick.
Rick was shaking from anger and anxiety, his jaw clenched and his teeth ground together. He knew. Rick didn’t know how he’d found out, but Negan knew. 
Negan went on. “And imagine my shock when I find out that little Miss Grimes happens to have a special beau, my Daryl! Fuck me sideways, that shit is just too good to be true.” Negan looked back at you and pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth for a moment. “That must make you Alexandrian royalty or some shit. Right, doll? Brother’s the boss. Love interest is the biggest badass in the settlement. Want me to bow and show proper respect for your station?”
You didn’t know what made you do it. You were absolutely terrified. But your simmering hatred for the man, fueled by the state Daryl seemed to be in and Negan’s public grandstanding, got the best of you. “Rather you sucked my—”
“Whoa!” Negan, to your surprise, only laughed and grinned more widely at you. “Watch it, men! We’re in the presence of a proper lady.” His eyes raked over your face and there was something in them that dropped your stomach to the ground. “Dwight, let Daryl go.” For a split second, your heart leapt, but when it came to the Saviors, nothing was ever that good. “And get Miss Grimes here settled in my truck for the ride to her new home. We’re doin’ a goods exchange today everybody, and I gotta say, I think I’m getting the better end of this fucking deal.”
“No! No! Y/N! Keep me! Just leave her the fuck alone! Don’t fucking touch her! No!” Daryl was screaming as the blood drained from your face and time seemed to slow. He was trying to fight to you but several men seized him by the arms and dragged him around Negan, who stood watching him like he was really fucking enjoying his anguish.
“No, please,” Rick stepped forward again, his face desperate, but Negan’s smile vanished and he pointed his bat straight at him. 
“Rick, if you take another goddamn step forward I swear to my sweet Lucille I will bash somebody else’s brains in right here.” 
You looked over your shoulder as Dwight grabbed your elbow firmly. Your eyes were wide and glassy as you looked at your brother and Daryl, who finally seemed to have given up and gone nearly limp, almost crumpled onto the asphalt. You wondered if this would be the last time you’d ever see them. Prompt: “Want me to bow and show proper respect for your station?” / “Rather you sucked my—” / “Whoa! Watch it, men! We’re in the presence of a proper lady.” A/N: As soon as I saw this prompt, I knew it had to be Negan. Also, not me wanting to write this as an entire fic... 
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