#he always provides interesting history about the people behind the project so that's mostly what i'm curious about | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

precuredaily · 4 years

Text

Precure Day 187

Film: Yes! Precure 5 The Movie: Miracle Adventure in the Mirror Kingdom! Date watched: 16 May 2020 Original release date: 10 November 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/OLloFxz (500 pics for you to enjoy!) Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

these butterflies will kick your ass

This continues our trend of absolutely excellent Precure movies, and stands strong with themes of love, compassion, and bettering yourself. It also introduces Dark Precures for the first time, who will go on to be a recurring idea for a few years. As always it has excellent animation and a moving plot to keep you invested so let’s explore and then I’ll tell you what I thought.

But first, a note! Throughout this review, I will refer to the villain Shadow using the singular "they” pronoun because their gender is never specified in the film. They have a mostly androgynous appearance, with some traditionally masculine features but a distinctly feminine voice provided by veteran seiyuu Park Romi, and they speak using the feminine pronoun “atashi.” Perhaps the animators were designing a gender-neutral character, or perhaps I’m reading too much into it and the character was meant to be an effeminate man. There is a long and complicated history of queer-coding villains in media that I don’t want to get into, so I’m just going to stick with “they”. However, the translation I use in my screenshots opted for he/him, that is out of my control.

The Plot

Before the actual movie begins, there’s a short sketch with Coco, Nuts, and Milk explaining what Miracle Lights are and how and when to use them. (more on that here) When they explain why you shouldn’t throw them, the audience is gifted with this nightmare-inducing image of Coco being cut.

you know, for kids

After they get the do’s, don’ts, whens, and whys out of the way, the movie starts for real.

In the throne room of the Mirror Kingdom, which is an ominous land filled with reflective surfaces, a blue-haired Jojo villain named Shadow bosses around two bears named Migirin and Hidarin and has them conjure up an image of Nozomi. Shadow takes Nozomi’s image and reflects it into one of the five color-coordinated crystals that decorate the throne room. Nozomi’s image quickly turns into a full figure within the crystal, and as Shadow channels power into it, the crystal shatters and a dark version of Cure Dream is born. The camera leaves the castle and shows a desert filled with mirror slabs with sleeping anthropomorphic animals trapped inside of them.

Via a very clever set of establishing shots through a series of mirror reflections, we transition to Natts House where the five girls and Milk are hanging out. Nozomi is bored and looking for something to do, and each of her friends suggests an activity (futsal, watching TV, playing cards, or doing homework) but she rejects them all. Coco pulls out a flier for a place called Princess Land and suggests they go there. All the girls are entranced by the idea and they agree to go.

The opening theme plays over a montage of them traveling, arriving, picking dresses, leaving to change, showing off to Coco and Nuts, and then walking down a path with a huge crowd of people, including some costumed characters of bear princes. And then a mysterious gothic lolita girl appears on a nearby rooftop, looking out at everything...

The girls wander around Princess Land, acting like princesses while being silly with each other, Urara brags about a Pinky that she caught earlier, Nozomi tries to sneak up on Coco but he comments that he can tell when she’s nearby, and occasionally the mysterious girl from the roof walks by and steals glances at them. The girls enter a house of mirrors, and at one point, the mysterious lolita appears behind Nozomi’s reflection in the mirror, along with Migirin and Hidarin.

all of these are perfectly normal events

In the next room, Nozomi and Coco have a heart-to-heart, reiterating their feelings for each other and that they will find each other if they ever get separated. Afterwards, Nuts stays to talk with Coco, cautioning him about making that sort of promise since they’ll have to go back to the Palmier Kingdom soon. While they’re talking, Migirin and Hidarin sneak up from inside the mirror, take control of Coco and Nuts’s reflections, and then pull the real Coco and Nuts into the mirror world. The girls make their way to the exit, followed by Coco and Nuts. Nozomi notices Nuts is smiling, which is uncharacteristic for him.

Next, all the girls partake in a game where they run around a field as boys try to place flower crowns on their heads. Karen and Komachi are already out by the time we see them, Nozomi and Urara don’t last long, but Rin dodges and outruns all the boys, because she is too good for them. She receives a bouquet for her trouble, which she goes to offer to Nuts. However, Nozomi has noticed that Coco and Nuts aren’t acting themselves, and when Coco brushes Rin aside and asks Milk for the Dream Collet (side note: why does she have it? Nuts is its caretaker), Nozomi steps in and exposes the princes as imposters. While this is happening, the mysterious lolita watches from a distance.

The fake Coco and Nuts pull out a pair of Kowaina masks and morph into a large two-headed creature, so the girls all transform into Precure as well. The monster is very blobby and absorbs their attacks. Nozomi fires off a Dream Attack into one of the masks but when the smoke clears, the face recovers. While the girls fight, the lolita girl holds up a mirror that captures their images, and Shadow reflects Rouge, Lemonade, Mint, and Aqua into the remaining four crystals. With her work done, the lolita disappears back to the Mirror Kingdom. The Precures continue to fight, unaware of the malicious plans afoot. Aqua concludes that if they attack both masks at once, they should be able to defeat the Kowaina, so after Dream, Lemonade, and Mint gain the upper hand, Rouge and Aqua swoop in with their special attacks. As the monster disappears, what’s left are.... Migirin and Hidarin! They try to flee but Rouge captures them and takes them back to Natts House. There, the girls interrogate them about the location of the real Coco and Nuts. They’re reluctant to talk until Milk slaps the shit out of them.

They explain how Shadow took over the Mirror Kingdom, imprisoning all the residents and stealing the kingdom’s crystals, the source of its energy. Shadow then promised to return everything if Migirin and Hidarin were able to get the Dream Collet. Coco and Nuts are being held captive in the Mirror Kingdom, and there are specific conditions to get there that involve the Miracle Lights which Migirin and Hidarin have. So the girls get ready, and at 2 AM they depart. But they barely have time to take in the sight of the desolate kingdom before Shadow appears in the flesh, claiming that they can get whatever they desire with the Dream Collet! The girls transform into Precure, but Shadow smugly says the Precures won’t be fighting them, and then they teleport the red, yellow, green, and blue crystals behind themself. The mysterious lolita girl also appears behind Shadow, and Nozomi is shocked at this girl who looks so much like her. The lolita is encompassed in flame as she transforms, revealing herself as Dark Dream.

At the same time, the other four crystals burst and Dark Rouge, Dark Lemonade, Dark Mint, and Dark Aqua emerge.

Color-coded mirrors appear behind the heroine Precures as their dark counterparts quickly lunge at them and pull each of them into a mirror, where they each arrive in a new dimension. The Dark Precures speak to their originals about their twisted ideals, which all share the common theme that the Dark Cures believe friends are worthless and the clones are better because they don’t have that reliance on others. Each girl engages in battle with her doppelganger and the Dark Cures waste no time demonstrating their superiority.

Milk, Migirin, and Hidarin can do nothing but watch the mirrors. Shadow, however, isn’t interested in waiting to see the outcome of the fights, so they forcefully take the Dream Collet from Milk and teleport back to the castle. There, Coco and Nuts are shown trapped in mirrors, and Shadow taunts them before explaining that they came to the Mirror Kingdom so they could quickly collect all 55 Pinkies. They hold the Dream Collet up and the mirrors scattered around the room change to show all the Pinkies scattered around the world (very convenient that they’re all by reflective surfaces). They get sucked into the mirror, into the Mirror Kingdom, and then into the Dream Collet! Coco is sad because he’s helpless to stop this and thinks he may never see Nozomi’s smile again.

The Dark Precure fights resume, and they’re getting brutal, but the tide is starting to turn in favor of our heroines. Dark Dream says she’s an exact copy of Nozomi, but without her weaknesses. However, Nozomi turns it around and says Dark Dream is a clone of a past version of her, she continues to improve herself and she’s stronger than she was yesterday, an hour ago, a minute or even a second ago. It’s a damn good line.

The other girls also question the motivations of their counterparts and explain that having friends is what motivates them and makes them strong. We cut back to Milk and the bears. Milk wants to follow Shadow to save Coco and Nuts and recover the Dream Collet, but Migirin and Hidarin are too scared to go with her, feeling too weak and pointing out even Precure couldn’t do it. Milk scolds them for not wanting to save their own kingdom and sets off on her own. She makes it to Shadow’s castle, and Migirin and Hidarin show up after all to help her.

Nozomi and Dark Dream continue to fight, and Dark Dream’s confidence gives way to anger, confusion, and grief that she doesn’t have anyone she cares about like Nozomi does. Rin, Urara, Komachi, and Karen all manage to defeat their dark counterparts with the strength brought on by their friendship and confidence, recovering the crystals used to create them in the process. Dark Dream attacks Nozomi out of desperation but her heart isn’t in it, and Nozomi effortlessly swats the attack away. Dark Dream falls to her knees, crying about not understanding human feelings like love and friendship, and instead of fighting her, Nozomi offers her a hand and says she can learn, that Nozomi can teach her, and then invites her to return to fight Shadow with them. In the desert, all five mirrors break and the girls emerge from them. Rouge, Lemonade, Mint, and Aqua are surprised to see Dark Dream come out with Dream, and Dark Dream is clearly uncomfortable, but Nozomi says she’s a friend and that’s the end of that. The six girls run off to Shadow’s castle, and arrive just in time to save the mascots from a destructive attack by Shadow. However, Shadow boasts that it’s too late because they’ve already collected all the Pinkies, and they make their wish to become the ruler of the world. Power courses into the Dream Collet, the cures brace themselves, and then.... nothing happens.

Lemonade remembers the Pinky that she caught earlier which is still in her Pinky Catch, so Shadow can’t have all 55 of them and therefore their wish didn’t come true. Undeterred, Shadow lashes out at the team, lunging straight at Dark Dream and brutally punching her in the stomach, but quickly separates the other girls, and paralyzes Dream. Shadow moves to destroy Dream but Dark Dream moves in front of her and takes the blow instead, cracking the jewel in her chest. Nozomi is freed from the restraint and holds her copy in her arms, begging to know why she saved her. Dark Dream responds that it’s because she likes Nozomi, and after all, she’s just a copy. Nozomi says she’s not a copy, she’s her friend, but it’s too late, and Dark Dream starts to glow and fade away, leaving behind only her crystal. Shadow remarks that Dark Dream was a traitor who had it coming, but Nozomi will not take this slander against one of her friends, and through her tears she fights Shadow, delivering a good kick to their stomach before performing Crystal Shoot, seemingly defeating the villain.

Dream turns to Migirin and Hidarin and asks them to use the Miracle Lights to free Coco and Nuts, which they do. She embraces Coco and reminds him that she said she’d find him, no matter where or how. Their reunion is short lived, though, as Shadow stands up, cursing the Precures, and transforms into their true form: giant, buffer, and now with long red hair for some reason. They attack the Precures, and then launch a huge energy ball, but Migirin and Hidarin step in to block it with the Miracle Lights, proclaiming that they’re no longer afraid of Shadow. Then they turn their miracle lights on the Precure, wishing to grant them the strength to defeat Shadow. Migirin and HIdarin aren’t strong enough, so they ask for help. Coco, Nuts, and Milk help to! So does the audience! You! Yes you reading this right now, wave your miracle light and give the Precure power!

Well everyone’s wishes come together to grant the Precure new power, and they metamorphose into Super Precure. (I’m serious, they literally cocoon up and then emerge with new outfits and sprout butterfly wings.) Then they perform Precure Five Explosion, against Shadow’s protests of overwhelming power. They explain it isn’t just their power, but the power everyone gave them, the power of everyone’s hearts and courage becoming one! Shadow is no match for the combined strength of everybody, and disintegrates.

Afterwards, the cures use their butterfly wings to carry the five crystals back to their pedestal mounts in the throne room. The pink crystal notably has a large fracture in it, a lasting reminder of Dark Dream’s short and tragic existence. With all the crystals restored, the Kingdom of Mirrors returns to its natural beautiful state, a land of greenery and crystals poking up from the ground, and the inhabitants are freed from their prisons. Urara, Komachi, and Karen comment on how beautiful it is. Inside the throne room, Nozomi stares wistfully at the pink crystal, recalling her short-lived friendship with Dark Dream. Rin and Urara call her to go to the celebration party, and as she runs out of the room, the camera does a slow zoom in on the cracked crystal while the ending theme begins to play.

The ending itself is Ganbalance de Dance again, but the girls are in their princess gowns, while the fairies are wearing their corresponding garb, and Migirin and Hidarin make a few appearances.

vimeo

The Analysis

The three movies from the “Futari wa” shows in 2005-2006 were all about the girls overcoming internal conflict to become better friends with each other, and each of them did it in a somewhat different way. You could certainly explore that dynamic with a larger team, and in fact the show did just that in episodes 23-24, but instead this movie derives its conflict from the girls’ own personalities. They’re not fighting each other, they’re fighting themselves, and recognizing their supposed weaknesses as strengths. In this way, they achieve growth. It’s a great character exploration and shows what teamwork means in a larger group setting. Additionally, the story is well-paced and flows naturally from one event to the next without ever lagging, but it also gives you some necessary breathing room in between dramatic moments. As we’ve come to expect, the animation is generally much better than the television series, and the fights look phenomenal. The aspects I find less enjoyable are mostly to do with the fairies and the merchandising, and a bit of a rushed finale.

The major themes of this movie are friendship, trust, redemption, and growth. Friendship is the most obvious one, because it’s at the core of this entire franchise. The bond that each member of the team has with the others is their greatest strength and what allows them to push past their own limits. It’s what clues Nozomi in that Coco and Nuts are missing. It’s what the Dark Precures are missing which leads to their defeat, and it’s also what allows Nozomi to befriend Dark Dream rather than defeating her. We are shown time and again that having people to support you is the most wonderful thing imaginable. Trust is perhaps both the most broad and the most limited theme in this film. It’s closely connected to friendship and you can see it overlap with that a lot. Because of their friendship, each girl trusts that the others are winning their battles against their counterparts as well. However, a small place where it heavily applies that’s easy to overlook is during Nozomi and Coco’s moment alone in the hall of mirrors. They promise they’ll always find each other no matter what they look like or where they go. True to her word, as soon as Nozomi realizes Coco has been replaced with an imposter, her only goal is finding the real deal, and Coco has unwavering trust in her to do it. It’s a powerful moment that gets lost in the commotion of the movie, but I love it.

The Dark Precures are easily the most famous aspect of this film, with good reason. The idea of an evil twin is an ancient storytelling technique, and it remains very effective, because it can simplify character design by allowing you to base your evil character on an existing protagonist while letting you deviate in small or large ways from their design as needed. It's also be a convenient way to explore and develop a character’s personality by having them face off against someone of a similar, but twisted, ideology. A case could be made that the Kiryuus in Splash Star were a form of villain counterpart Precures without being explicit copies of the heroines, but these are the first to be directly and transparently copies of the heroines, and of the three full dark teams as of this writing (Yes 5, Heartcatch, and Smile) they’re the best fleshed out. Each of them represents a quirk of their doppelganger, but turned selfish.

Dark Dream is devoid of aspirations and joy

Dark Rouge believes friends prevent you from being your true self

Dark Lemonade feels that trying to entertain others is a waste of effort.

Dark Mint believes the best defense is a good offense, and protection is a weak ability

Dark Aqua thinks that friends keep you from growing stronger

They gloat about being better because they don’t have the dependency on friends, but most of them go down precisely because the heroines feel empowered by being in a team, even when fighting alone. Each of the heroines recognizes that their strength comes from having friends to protect and fight alongside, that friends help you grow and improve yourself. The hubris of the Dark Cures is ultimately their undoing and it ties back into the film’s central themes of friendship. This is explored clearly across all five fights by careful editing, which involves giving each battle a little bit of time in focus before changing perspectives. We hear short exchanges between the original and dark cures, and sometimes conversations are continued between battles, as their debates are very similar. Ultimately, the Cures’ confidence in their friends is what allows them to succeed over their counterparts, as just having faith is enough of a motivator and a power boost to keep them going, and each fight concludes with the girls accepting and explaining how the flaw the Dark Cures see in them is actually their greatest strength. It’s beautiful. I was particularly moved by Komachi and Karen’s statements to their doppelgangers. Komachi said “I wanted to protect you, too,” as Dark Mint disappeared in her arms, which is a powerful rebuttal to an opponent who criticized her for only protecting herself, and you could feel Komachi’s regret. Meanwhile, Karen told Dark Aqua that her dark version reminded her of herself before she made friends, and therefore she wants to surpass that version of herself, which speaks to Karen’s growth both on and off the screen.

Nozomi and Dark Dream’s battle, however, is on a different level from the others. Dark Dream was actually a reflection of Nozomi herself rather than Cure Dream, she was around for longer than the others and got to see Nozomi just hanging out with her friends being happy, so she has the most fleshed out personality and perspective while the rest of the Dark Precures were created and immediately thrown into battle. Consequently, Dark Dream starts out cynical about Nozomi’s friendships, but when Nozomi begins to show how her friends help her grow and improve herself constantly, Dark Dream begins to falter. Her confidence turns to anguish as she bemoans her lack of understanding about friendship, happiness, laughter, sadness, sorrow, or any other emotions. She was created to fight and that’s all she knows how to do. But instead of destroying her, Nozomi offers to help her learn these things, and this act of kindness shakes Dark Dream to her core. Her reason to exist has been stripped away, but Nozomi has given her a chance to be more than just a clone made for destruction. More amazingly, the other Precures accept her as well. As soon as Nozomi declares her a friend, they all accept her as one of their rank and proceed to fight Shadow. For the first time in her life, she’s not just needed, she’s wanted, and this shows off the depths of Nozomi’s compassion and her power to unite people. Unfortunately, just when Dark Dream has found someplace she belongs and people who care about her, she makes the ultimate sacrifice to save Nozomi, and that breaks my heart. Her story mirrors that of Kiriya, someone else who was created for evil, but through the compassion and kindness of the heroines, tried to forge a different path, only to die before he could truly make a new life for himself. It’s the same kind of tragedy, that of unfulfilled potential, and it’s a mature plot direction for this series. It hurts but I applaud the writers for it. I also love that Nozomi doesn’t forget this at the end. Nozomi made a new friend, that friend died so she could survive, and the ending where she stares at the pink crystal with only the bottom of her face visible really gets to me. I’m not sure if it’s symbolic that she’s lost a part of herself or if it’s because eyes are major sources of expression and hiding them enforces that she’s not her usual happy self, but it’s excellent framing and it contrasts well with the happy face she puts on when Rin and Urara summon her for the party.

Additionally, this scene of Dark Dream’s desperate attack is beautiful, primarily in how the audio cuts out from the moment she throws it until it hits the ferris wheel. It’s an excellent use of silence.

vimeo

Beyond having ideals that clash with those of the Precure 5, the Dark Precure also have their own spin on special attacks. The butterfly motifs are gone entirely, Dark Dream simply lobs a ball of energy around, Dark Rouge shoots fireballs and can use a phoenix attack, Dark Lemonade creates blades by kicking her feet and can decimate with her singing, Dark Mint launches orbs that can pierce barriers, and Dark Aqua uses an energy staff, and later a sword. In some respects they resemble the Cures’ attacks and in others they’re completely opposite. It’s a clever and imaginative use of each girl’s powers.

The combat sequences are some of the best I’ve seen in any movie so far, with the characters alternating between rapid-fire punching and kicking and their energy attacks. Each battle takes place in a unique environment, which lets the perspective switch rapidly between fights without confusing the audience, and the director keeps an excellent balance between them, only staying a few minutes at each before changing perspective. Dream fights in a carnival, primarily by a ferris wheel (which could be the one seen at the Princess Land), Rouge fights in space on a bunch of floating orbs, Lemonade and Mint both fight in cities surrounded by buildings and parks, and Aqua fights in a flowery meadow.

The other villain of the movie, Shadow, offers very little to discuss. They’re a power-hungry tyrant with no motivation other than to rule over everything. They’re super over-the-top in their mannerisms, very sadistic, mocking, and uncaring about anybody else. They view the Dark Precures as nothing but tools and they feel no remorse for their defeat. We know nothing about their history or what led them to become this way, and since most of the movie is them pushing other people around or letting the Dark Cures fight on their behalf, we don’t get the chance to explore their motivations deeper than the surface level. Shadow is a decent fighter, at least, when they go toe-to-toe with the Precure they demonstrate immense speed and of course their glyphs are able to both restrain opponents and teleport small objects. It’s good to have a five-on-one fight against a human-sized opponent after spending half the movie in solo fights, it shows how strong Shadow is, but ultimately of course the Precure overpower them, driven on by the death of Dark Dream. I enjoy seeing them gloat and ham it up but they’re less compelling than their predecessors Sirloin, Freezen and Frozen, and maybe even the Dark Witch. This of course is due to Shadow’s lesser screentime, since the Dark Precures are the main attraction of this film, but I still wish they’d gotten a little more time in the limelight.

The other new characters of this film are the denizens of the Mirror Kingdom, Migirin and Hidarin. They are annoying and I do not like them. I take pleasure in seeing Milk slap the shit out of them.

They are voiced by a comedy duo called “The Touch” who are real-life twins named Takuya and Kazuya. Their line delivery is very bland and, frankly, they’re boring characters. Their main gimmicks are speaking in sync or finishing each other’s sentences, and their only character trait is cowardice that they have to learn to overcome. Beyond that they’re only in the movie to have an in-universe explanation for the Miracle Lights.

Let’s address the elephant in the room here. This is the very first Precure movie to have Miracle Lights. Almost every movie after this will also include a new Miracle Light, so get used to them. I wrote a long explanation on PCD Status that you can read, but the short version is that kids in the audience receive a real Miracle Light with their ticket purchase, and at key points in the movie they’re supposed to light it up and wave it in the air, giving the Precure power in a simple form of audience participation. In this film they mask the fourth wall breaks pretty well by having Nozomi turn towards the fairies when she asks for help, even if she’s facing the camera. It’s just enough plausible deniability to not break the immersion.

The plot of the film is really good until about the last fifth, and then as I alluded to earlier it gets rushed and kind of muddy. The entire prologue and the sequence at the Princess Land is the kind of wonderful fun, comedy, and antics I’ve grown to expect from this show. It highlights all their characters wonderfully and you get some small, tender moments as well. Karen and Milk’s close friendship is on full display, Komachi pushes Nuts away from a mirror that makes the viewer look fat because she doesn’t want to see him that way, and of course there’s Nozomi and Coco’s comments about detecting and finding each other. My two personal favorite shots are the bit with Urara, Komachi, Karen, and Milk performing a hime laugh because it’s just so wonderfully absurd.

youtube

And then my other is personal bias, but during the princess crowning, Rin manages to outrun all the boys. If you’ve been in the fandom you may have heard the joke “Nobody loves Rin,” which relates to the other four girls each having an official or widely accepted shipping partner (Nozomi and Coco, Urara and Syrup, Komachi and Nuts, Karen and Kurumi). Well my rebuttal to this, based on this scene, is that Rin has no partner because there’s nobody good enough for her yet. We stan best girl!

The interrogation at Natts House is good, and of course when they arrive in the Mirror Kingdom they’re almost immediately confronted with Shadow and the Dark Cures, who I gushed about above. The part where I believe the film starts to crack just a bit and the pacing hurts is after the defeat of Dark Dream. Shadow goes down really quickly, and then once the team turns into Super Precure, they almost immediately perform Five Explosion. From the time the six girls confront Shadow in the castle to Shadow’s defeat is about 10 minutes of a 70 minute movie, and 5 minutes in the middle of that is Miracle Light shenanigans and Shadow transforming. Most of the rest of the fight is the Five Explosion stock sequence, and whereas normally the Cures would deliver some epic speech before they land the final blow, this time their righteous lecture is rather short, saying that the power is everyone’s power. It’s effective but it feels truncated.

I found the soundtrack to this movie to be.... largely uninspiring. It wasn’t bad or anything, but it just seems to be remixed or rerecorded tracks from the show’s BGM., but listening to the OST there was only one track that really hit that sweet spot in my brain. It’s “Surpassing my Past Self”, track 18, and I like how everything in it builds up. You’ve got strings for the melody backed by rhythm guitar, joined later by brass, and then the guitar starts to take a more active role in the tune as it ramps up in intensity. This is the song that plays when Nozomi is winning against Dark Dream and starting to persuade her, when she makes her epic speech about being stronger than she was before. This song sticks out to me in a way that nothing else does.

Visually the movie is gorgeous, with some occasional hiccups into TV quality, but of course the movie budget overall means they get to do more than they can with a weekly TV show. Check out the opening sequence and all the little details in it!

vimeo

I especially love this bit from just before the title card where the girls’ portraits flip around to show the dark cures.

you can find a higher resolution version of this gif in the gallery

Curiously, there are still some animation shortcuts taken, like during this shot where the camera zooms in on the double doors and you can clearly see the transition between the low-detail wide shot and the high-detail close-up. I know why they did it but I wish it was smoother.

Something I find really clever is that when Shadow first creates Dark Dream in the pink crystal, the silhouette that is generated is just Nozomi in her school uniform, she doesn’t take on her new appearance until she’s fully formed.

The designs of the Dark 5 are really good and I could probably gush about them for another week, but in a nutshell they manage to effectively invert the aesthetics of the Precures, replacing cream with black, and their outfits are different from each other’s in a lot of the same ways that the main team are. Dark Dream has a two-piece outfit, Dark Lemonade’s skirt is a bit different, Dark Mint and Aqua have a band of color around their waist that the others lack, things of that nature. They’re distinct from their counterparts and from each other, which is more than can be said about their dark successors.

Dark Dream, in her civilian guise, is also an incredible design. Gothic lolita is a great look and I think it’d be cool if the franchise would utilize it a little more often.

The lace-front maroon dress with a flower petal skirt is very nice, and the black petticoat accentuates it. The headdress with roses compliments the purple bow and also reflects Nozomi’s small pigtails, and her purple lipstick and eyeshadow bring it all together. It’s almost a shame she loses the makeup when she transforms.

The Super Precure designs are nice. Not as elaborate as the Phoenix Forms from the second Max Heart film, but I appreciate the subtle redesigns.

Obviously the butterfly wings are the most prominent element, but their sleeves are longer and frillier than on their normal outfits, which means the stock sequence for Five Explosion had to be largely reanimated..... and this means the coloring error with the Lemonade Castanet is fixed!

And my last art/animation comment is to point out that there sure are a lot of stomach attacks in this film!

Some other bookkeeping: the Dark Precures are voiced by different actresses than those who play the protagonists, and this is the only time that happens, because future Dark Cures will share an actor with their counterpart. Some of them have had supporting voice parts in previous Precure seasons, and all five of them will have roles in future seasons, though again some are small parts. The most notable ones are Nishimura Chinami as Dark Dream, she would later play Aoki Reika/Cure Beauty in Smile Precure (and therefore Bad End Beauty as well); and Kugimiya Rie as Dark Lemonade, who later portrays Madoka Aguri/Cure Ace in Dokidoki Precure. The others are: Minaguchi Yuko as Dark Mint, who plays Flora in Precure 5 GoGo; Kiuchi Reiko as Dark Aqua, who previously played Kiriya in Futari wa Precure, and Nagasawa Miki as Dark Rouge, both of whom will play characters-of-the-week in Heartcatch Precure.

By the way, according to the Precure Wiki, there was a scene after the credits in the theatrical version that showed the Dark Precures being revived, however I cannot find any legitimate citation for this, and it’s also not mentioned in the Japanese wikipedia article for the film, so I’m considering that claim false unless more reliable information surfaces.

Overall this movie is excellent and once again it raises the bar for what you can achieve in a Precure movie. It features fun hijinks and high-stakes emotional drama! It tackles the doppelganger idea better than any subsequent series due to the possibilities of film and the artwork is great. If you haven’t seen it, go check it out!

Next time, in Precure Daily, we return to the main plot as Despariah appears before the girls! Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 1 kettei!

#Precure #Pretty Cure #Yes! Precure 5 #YPC5 movie #PCD187

22 notes · View notes

kaffeinic · 4 years

Text

Familiar | Bang Chan

Hey dear, I have this one shot/fanfiction idea but since I can't write I thought I'd request it from you x3 I can't stop thinking about a school AU in which Chan is a basketball player/captain and falls for the new girl in his class 🥺so if requests are open and if you have time, it would be nice if you could write that or something similar, thank you 💖

- @chansdimple

Pairing: High Schooler!Reader x Basketball Player!Bang Chan

Genre: Neutral // Romance

Warnings: Fem!Reader

Preamble: Change is extremely difficult, and moving to a new city with a new school was no exception. The classes are difficult, the people are loud, and the melodramatic behaviour seemed to constantly be at a ten. You felt suffocated - until you take a chance on a night out with a new friend.

You were conflicted, to say the least.

The idea of starting anew, in a strange place, with strange people you didn’t know, was, well, strange. Your hands were clasping the hem of your shirt, fiddling with the fabric in an attempt to calm your mind. You hated this feeling. It wasn’t something you generally chased after.

On the other hand, knowing that you were about to walk into a building in which no one knew you was almost relieving, in its own way. All of your awkward moments and incredible public mishaps were now ancient history. No one here could possibly know about that time in the second grade when you tried to pet the class turtle and somehow, someway was outpaced by it. No one would know about those times when you were so exhausted from the night before that you actually walked directly into a door.

Feeling a mix of glee and terror, you adjusted your grip on your bag’s handle and pulled open the front door. You were immediately greeted by a swarm of students, all moving simultaneously to their desired classrooms. You glanced around the foyer until you spotted the main office, briskly walking inside.

There were stark white walls on all four sides of the room, most of which were decorated with various trophies, class photos, and calendars. Six chairs were lined against two of the walls, providing seating for two rather angry students.

“Are you aware of how many times you’ve both been sent into my office this month? Nine. Nine times. I didn’t even think it was possible to piss off your teachers that much! Now, you’re both getting into fistfights before classes even start!” A middle aged man in an unbutton grey work suit fixed his tie with a huff. “If this happens one more time, you’re both getting suspended. Do I make myself clear?” He asked. The two boys sitting on the chairs adjacent to the man nodded their heads. “Get out of here.”

You cleared your throat after watching as the two boys sulked out of the office. The man’s face suddenly lit up.

“Hello, there! You must be Y/n. I’m Mr. Hanson. I trust you had a warm welcome?” He asked. You cocked your head in curiosity.

“What welcome?” You asked. “Did I miss someone?” The man peered past your shoulder through the window of the office door.

“Ah, your welcome committee is a little preoccupied.” He said. He found his way past you to open the door, waving a group of students over. “She’s over here, guys.”

You watched as four students strolled into the room, each with a very distinct aura about them. The first was a boy with red hair and serious features. He wore a pair of red jeans and a white tee, tucked in towards the front. He held out his hand to you, suddenly smiling, which changed everything about the way you had perceived him.

“I’m Felix. It’s nice to meet you.” He said. You returned the smile and shook his hand.

“Y/n.”

The second person to greet you was a girl with straight black hair, and equally dark eyes. Her clothes were viciously pink, and she sported a pair of heels with a myriad of jewelry. She immediately slapped a seemingly fake smile onto her face and waved.

“I’m Stacey.” She said, adjusting the way her bag rested against her hip.

“It’s nice to meet you.” You said. She exposed teeth, then turned to Felix, grabbing hold of his arm. First impressions said that they were dating.

The third person in line was a blond haired boy with a smile that screamed cheer. His yellow tee and blue jeans seemed to convert the same message.

“Hey! I’m Jisung. It’s very nice to meet you, Y/n.” He said, shaking your hand. You smiled at his enthusiasm. “This is Chan.” Jisung said, gesturing towards the fourth and final student.

Chan donned a pair of ripped blue jeans, a black hoodie, and a jean jacket to top it all off. His hair was dyed an almost silvery colour, and his curly bangs laid across his forehead in a stylish way. He gave you a polite smile, waving at you. You waved back, trying to avoid breaching the personal space of the five people around you. Suddenly the bell rang, signaling the last of the wandering students to hustle their way to class.

“Alright. Y/n, I’ve chosen these particular students in part because of your shared class schedules. If you stick to them, you shouldn’t get lost. I wish you luck!” Mr. Hanson said. You smiled and nodded.

“Yes, thank you.”

The five of you made your way to what seemed to be the math classroom. In every classroom you entered, the sea of students would follow you with their gaze until you sat, and even then, some curious eyes would remain glued to your figure. Jisung and Stacey seemed to always be on either side of you, with Felix on the other side of Stacey, and Chan on the other side of Jisung. The day was mostly uneventful until your last class.

You had carefully selected your elective - photography. It was simple enough - or at least that’s what you thought - but held your interest as well.

The photography class was rather small, and the only people shared the class with were Stacey and Felix. Throughout the day, she seemed to grow ever-annoyed at your mere presence. Felix waved you over to where they both sat, smiling.

“C’mon, Y/n!” He exclaimed. You smiled warmly at his invitation and obliged, sliding on his opposite side. Stacey let out a huff, rapping her fingers on her desk.

“Where are Chan and Jisung?” You asked, placing your bag on the desk in front of you. Felix began to take his camera out of the case, setting it up for whatever it was that they were about to do.

“They have basketball practice during the elective periods. Chan is the captain, and Jisung is his right hand, in a sense. They both work out plays and stuff together.” Felix paused and looked at you. “I honestly don’t know anything about basketball. I hope that made sense.” He began laughing bashfully. You laughed along with him, your eyes pinching with glee.

“Alright. I got it.” You said, glancing at Stacey. She seemed to be in a progressively worse mood as you and Felix spoke. It took you all day, but you thought you might have finally figured her out. She was jealous, which you thought was absolutely ridiculous.

A moment later, the photography teacher - who also happened to be your history teacher - walked to the front of the class.

“Alright, guys. I know I told you all about what’s going on this week, but Y/n wasn’t here, so I’ll recap.” Mr. Hanson said. “You all have one week to create a fifteen photo portfolio of the nature near and on our school premises. Each of you can have one partner.” He said. “You’ll be graded individually, not as a pair, so I suggest you both work on it.”

You peered around the classroom. It seemed as if everyone already had a partner. You stood to delve further into the lump of students, but heard your name.

“Y/n, I could partner with you.” Felix said from his seat. “It’s your first time, and I know it’s hard to work with someone you haven’t met yet.” You smiled at him thankfully.

“Uh-” Stacey immediately chimed in. “Felix, honey, we’re partners.” She said. “Plus, I have the good camera.” She grinned and pointed at the camera case that sat neatly on her desk.

“Yeah, but I think it would be nice if I helped Y/n out.” He explained. “She’s still new.” Stacey deadpanned before shaking her head.

“Yeah, but I doubt she knows anything about photography, and this is too important of a portfolio to mess up.” She explained. You looked to the ground.

“It’s alright, Felix. Thanks, but I can find someone else.” You said. Felix frowned, but nodded.

“Alright, but let me know if you need any help.” He added. You smiled and made your way over to the other students. Most of them had been given enough time to already have their partners, and were already discussing how they’d go about the project. After a few more moments of searching, you came back with no results. You let out a sigh, making your way to Mr. Hanson.

“Hey, Mr. Hanson?” You said. He turned and smiled at you.

“Hey, How’s it going? Did you get a partner yet?” He asked. You shook your head.

“No, but I think I’ll be alright working alone. I think I work best that way.” You explained. He contemplated the idea, and hummed in agreement.

“Alright, but I’ll be keeping an eye out to see if you’re struggling. Do your best.” He said.

The rest of the period was grueling as you relied solely on the paper instructions for the school’s camera. It wa nothing like you had used before. By the end of the hour, you were just about ready to throw the technology at a wall.

You shoved the last of your belongings into your bag as the final bell rang, letting out an exasperated sigh. Your body felt a little heavier than usual from such a stressful day.

As your hands flattened out on the front set of double doors, you heard footsteps coming from behind you.

“Y/n?” Chan said. You feigned happiness, not yet ready to deal with another awkward conversation.

“Hey...” You said. He cocked his head to the side as the corners of his lips tugged downward.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, jogging over. “Rough first day?” You let out a chuckle.

“Yeah, but it could’ve been worse.” You said. He grinned, looking down.

“What an optimist.” He teased. You giggled, pushing the door open. He raised his arm out to hold it for you, waiting as you slipped past the frame. He followed suit, then shoved a hand in one of his jacket pockets.

“How was your day?” You asked. He seemed to contemplate, then bobbed his head left and right.

“Not too bad. Practice was tough, but the day was otherwise good.” He said. You smiled.

“Good, good.” You said. He hopped forward.

“Do you have to be home?” He asked. You raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“Not particularly. Why?”

“I know what’ll cheer you up.” He waved his arm to get you to follow him as he approached a black car. You made your way over to him, hesitant.

“Where are we going?”

“The joy is in the surprise, milady.” He made a grand gesture with his arm as he said the name, which earned a chuckle from you.

“Alright, alright. Just not too far.” You said. “I need to be home by sundown.”

“That’s as long as I need.” He grinned. “Let’s go!”

You laid your bag on the floor of the passenger seat.

“Let’s go!”

Alrighty! It’s been a while since I’ve made anything new. I really hope that you all enjoy this first chapter. Any guesses on where he’s taking her? If anyone can get it, I’ll give them a shoutout. 💞 Best of luck!

As always, I appreciate your feedback! I hope you are happy and healthy. 😊

* DISCLAIMER: I do not own any gifs/photos used in this post. I do own the written content. Do NOT repost/edit. *

🏷 @ace-marvel-chick • @hoshithehamster • @woo-for-woojin • @sparkling-studio-ghibli-water • @sshiromon • @midnatwlp • @royalhvangs • @yoongi--enthusiast • @woozi-is-164-cm • @wohoney

#kpop #stray kids bang chan #photography #chris bang #bang chan #stray kids #fanfics #fanfictions #ff #basketball #au #christopher bang #channie #chan bang #skz #stray kids fanfics #stray kids chan #skz ff #bang chan fanfic

47 notes · View notes

psychefm · 4 years

Text

talk to the hand [ booboo stewart ], [ deon damgaard ] is the new kid on the block around here. at [ twenty one ], the [ demi boy ] works at [ chuck e cheese ] in the mall and, like, [ he ] totally reminds us of [ travis birkenstock ]. oh snap! what? their favorite movie is [ addams family values ]???? so is mine! (pepper, she/her, twenty three, est )

ABOUT THE MUN. hey demons, it’s ya gurl pepper

tumblr still hates me, and yk what i hate it right back.

BIO. i need a himbo! i’m holding out for a himbo at the end of the night! he’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be dumb and polite! suicide tw, depression tw, death tw !!!

Deon Damgaard was born from a tryst of passion. In other words, an affair. A very exciting affair, if that makes things any better. Said affair was between his mother, a talented young pianist, and his father, an influential, very much married businessman. You see, his father saw his mother play once and instantly fell in love. He came to every single one of his mother’s performances after that, and every time he did he left her flowers. Extravagant, beautiful flowers, the kind of flowers that make an impact on a woman, apparently. And they must have, because before long Deon’s mother was falling just as in love with Deon’s father as he was with her. And obviously you know what happens next. Deon.

Now, the thing about passionate love affairs is that they’re love affairs for a reason. There’s the love part of course. But there’s also the affair part. And that’s where things get complicated. Because despite being utterly, and completely in love with Deon’s mother, his father was still married. And he had no intention of ending his marriage, even for love.

But Deon’s mother didn’t know that at first. You see, Deon has inherited his mother’s easy optimism. The woman was in love and she believed with absolute surety that the love of her life would ultimately choose her. And so she waited for that day. And waited. And waited.

She spent most of the first few years of Deon’s life waiting, but the longer she waited the less Deon’s father even bothered to come around. The thing with falling in love hard and fast is that you can fall out of love just as quickly. And that’s exactly what Deon’s father did. He fell out of love like it was nothing.

So there was Deon’s mother, with a baby she shared with a man who didn’t love her anymore. One that carried his last name against his wishes, one that even had the name that he’d said he’d always wanted to give a son. One that she loved, truly. But that love wasn’t enough. Because Deon’s mother was in pain. More pain than a little baby like Deon could understand. Enough pain to end her own life.

Deon was six at the time. Not old enough to know what was happening, but old enough to understand that something was wrong. Especially when he quickly found himself in an orphanage. His father never claimed him of course. Deon doesn’t even know if he mourned his mother. Or if he wanted to come to her funeral. All he knows is that he wasn’t there.

There’s not much to be said after that, or at least nothing as poetic as the beginning. Deon was put into the foster system and he was never really wanted again. Well. Maybe that’s not completely true. The truth is no one ever wanted to adopt him. But he always hoped someone would. He’d be passed from family to family to family, bright eyed and hoping like the optimistic child he was. But they never wanted him. Some said he was too hyper. Others said he was too curious. More than a few just said he was too odd, and Deon always found that strange. That he was too odd to keep. Too odd to love.

Of course most of them didn’t expect Deon to be eavesdropping when they said these things so Deon couldn’t really fault them. They didn’t mean to hurt him. And so he could never truly hate them. He couldn’t find it in his heart to. But it was painful, to get his hopes up each time only to have them dashed away. Whether that be by being tossed aside like nothing but a nuisance or tossed around like nothing but a rag doll. It always hurt to seek love and give love and yet never get any in return.

Deon moved to Strawberry, Nebraska at thirteen to be fostered by a cold, gruff couple who didn’t really have much of an interest in him other than the checks he provided. It took a while for Deon to realize that and even longer for him to accept it, and honestly some part of him still hasn’t. Even to this day Deon will try with them, just optimistically hoping that this one extra act of kindness, or one extra attempt at bonding will be the one to break the camels back and make them like him. It never is though. But at the very least Jack and Barb Finchum never got rid of him. They kept him around for the money, and due to this Deon got to stick around Strawberry. Strawberry is the place he’s been the longest in his entire life.

And after Deon realized that he might be around for good he started trying harder than ever to make friends. Prior to Strawberry Deon had never really made many, and honestly he tried to see it as a blessing. I mean, could you imagine having to leave not only your family but also friends time after time? It would be too much to bear. So Deon did his best to see it as a good thing. But now that he had the opportunity Deon was trying harder than ever to find his people. Maybe a bit too hard. Honestly Deon was probably known throughout town for being the weird loud kid, and he was pretty okay with that. I mean, he didn’t know it but he would be okay with it if he did.

Was the guy you’d see at every house party, the guy who would make an elaborate plan to skateboard down the stairwell railing of the school on a dare, who would do your big chemistry project for nothing but a couple of joints and a taco, because that’s another thing, despite being a complete idiot Deon is also somehow a genius. Like he’s stupid, but he’s good at school, mostly because Deon quickly learned that everything in life had a price: food, toys, family, but school? School was free, and he adored it. Okay, maybe not all of it. English and foreign languages and god, history, all of that was painfully boring even if Deon could pass. But science? Science was the one thing that he had to look forward to throughout most of his childhood. And it continued to be that one thing into his young adulthood.

The majority of Deon’s said young adulthood was also spent sporadically behind bars. Let’s just say Deon fell into the wrong crowd. It wasn’t on purpose, Deon has just and likely always will be the kind of person who is eager for friendship. All these kids had to do was be even slightly nice to him and ‘sure, man! i can totally hotwire that car for you!’. That’s not to say Deon was completely innocent himself. Most of his arrests for theft, graffiti, and street racing, were products of his own doing. But sometimes, Deon just happened to be the guy abandoned at the scene of the crime. He never gave up his friends, no matter what the cops threatened him with, but he unfortunately never had the privilege of having his loyalty returned.

Deon stayed out of juvie by the skin of his teeth. It was mostly due to the fact that strawberry wasn’t a particularly big town, and Deon could usually endear the small town sheriff to him with his incessant chatter, and well meaning demeanor. He honestly made friends with more than a few of the cops that had arrested him, and there are more than a few that Deon would still call up today and chat with. He is probably in mall jail all the time for little things honestly. Sorry Peter.

Despite his dabbling in crime, Deon graduated from high school with an almost spotless GPA and partial to full scholarships to more than a few universities including Harvard, MIT, Yale. Deon was kind of startled by all of the offers, but he did have more than a few projects during his years of schooling that caught the universities attention (including making the car from back to the future for fun but also making it so that it could possibly run on electricity, making a small robot that could run on used vegetable oil, etc). But with all the offers, Deon decided to stay local, because I would like to think that he finally made friends here and he could never just leave them now that he did.

I feel like Deon has been working at Chuck E Cheese since he was maybe fourteen? And he loves it, he has the time of his life every shift. Likes to go around and play with the kids, can generally be depended on to fix the animatronics when they’re acting up, honestly probably started working there because he kept fucking with the animatronics for fun in his spare time and realized he could actually fix them too. that said, he still likes to reprogram chuckie himself to like do the worm or something. he has a great time with it, and i am so sorry kath.

okay that’s it i think

HEADCANNONS. if i get shot do i own the bullet? like can i keep it?

this is deon.

fun fact, i originally made deon as an npc in a house party para i was doing with my friend sdkjsdjk he was genuinely made to be as annoying as possible but then my friend actually really liked him so now he’s a whole ass muse. that said if he is annoying… it’s because he was legit designed to be i’m sorry folks sdkjdskj fingers crossed he’s not though! but grating traits he has: never stops talking man, says man, dude, bruh, and bro, constantly. CONSTANTLY. you’ll be having a conversation with him and he’ll just blurt out something completely off topic??? HE’S SO LOUD TOO! And incredibly inappropriate god

that said deon was also inspired by jason mendoza and i literally teared up writing that because i’m still not over the end of the good place so dkjsdkj let’s move on!

loves back to the future and honestly i should have put back to the future as his favourite movie but i really didn’t remember it existed until now.

has a septum piercing, a tongue piercing, a smiley piercing, a nipple piercing on his left nipple and several tattoos, most of which he’s done himself after buying a tattoo gun (honestly you shouldn’t let deon tattoo you because he just does whatever comes to him at the time but also LET DEON TATTOO YOU!). honestly has more than a few earrings too like both ears are probably full of piercings and he’s very proud of all of his them honestly.

loves colour and neon especially, but also loves to wear a lot of black like he’s a whole ass mess. his favourite colour is yellow btw. generally just wears what he likes, but he pretty much never looks polished.

his favourite number is 0!

wears a lot of rings and jewelry as well, you will rarely find your boy without something on his fingers.

has a rat named titty boy that he calls titty for short. his name is titty boy because he only eats hot cheetos and likes to watch garbage tv. as sad as it sounds he was one of deon’s first genuine friends so he loves him like BIG. takes him everywhere like he usually has him in his bag at work, so you can catch titty scurrying around chuck e cheese sometimes.

built a little bot and named him douche bag, or rather deebs for short. also loves him big. deebs is constantly getting updated by deon honestly, but your boy actually probably won a prize when he made him because he’s actually?? very like advanced for what he is (he runs on used oil from fast food chains, has a touch screen, etc). deon literally made him so that he could help him remember to take his pills (deon has clinical depression and adhd, so he needs deebs around to give him that nudge sometimes), and he can do that and more now. deon kind of wants to see if he can break him into the service animal industry, cause he figures he could be good for people who need service animals but have allergies to fur.

gets around, mostly because he is attracted like everybody and feels no qualms about telling them that? and omg he’s also bi btw, no one is surprised. but honestly isn’t really a player just cause he’s too dumb to be one man. like if he was suppose to call you and he didn’t he literally just forgot sdkjsdkj

does not talk about himself at all! ever! like legit learning anything about deon’s past is like pulling teeth!

like i said deon has depression, but like most people probably don’t know that because again,, your boy is close lipped. that said he doesn’t try to hide it, like if you see him taking his pills you see him taking his pills. there are times though that deon will just not be found for a week or two when his depression gets bad. he usually emerges from these occasions chill and chipper as he usually is with sdkmds absolutely no mention of it. i don’t know if he has any friends he’s close enough to that he’d talk to about that though you know, like honestly from deon’s perspective *deon vc* i don’t wanna bring anybody down, man…

says man and bro and bruh and dude WAY TOO MUCH like they punctuate most of his sentences sdkdjs

surfer dude energy. skater dude energy. stoner dude energy.

smokes A LOT of weed. LOVES to party! that guy you see at every house party and have to wonder like??? how is he passing ANY of his classes sdkjsdj how is he SURVIVING

honestly when i usually write deon he’s an MIT graduate so dskjds he definitely got an offer from there that he casually responded to like ‘oh shit, thanks man, but i’m cool!’ sdkjdsjk

sometimes you can catch deon sitting in his car blasting mariah carey and crying in the mall parking lot.

knows all the words to TLC’s waterfalls and will sing it to completion whenever it’s on.

will come to your flat and like fix your heater if it’s acting up. literally just hail deon down if you need anything fixed and he will do it for literally nothing. he just likes to help, and to be wanted around tbh rip

swears A TON omg i almost forgot deon swears constantly dkjds he doesn’t see a problem with it honestly, and he’s never like angrily swearing honestly it’s usually excited swearing but sdkjsdkj he’s a potty mouth nonetheless and if your muse doesn’t swear deon will pay them money to do it despite being BROKE. “will you say fuck for a dollar?” sdkjdsj

PERSONALITY. do u are have stupid? hell yeah brother!

honestly one of my most kindhearted muses. like deon wouldn’t hurt a FLY! he catches spiders in his hands and takes them outside sdkjsdk. like even if you’re a dick to deon he will still be nice to you! never gets mad at ANYBODY, like it’s so rare to see deon pissed man he has the heart of a surfer dude

just freaking says things man. doesn’t think before he says anything ever. no brain to mouth filter at ALL.

that said he’s a lot smarter than he looks and acts skjdsj but he’s also so so stupid, it’s a bit contradictory honestly because deon is a DUMBASS! but he be knowing things man i can’t explain it. like he has no brain to mouth filter but like if you tell deon a secret no one is ever going to know.

PAINFULLY loyal to his friends like to a fault! even if you betray deon or abandon him he legit will not do the same to you, like if you were ever his friend you will be his friend until the day he dies.

generous. would give the shirt off his back to someone if they needed it

humble? like deon knows he’s good at what he does because people keep telling him that but he doesn’t do it because he’s good at it he does it because he thinks it’s fun and like rewarding, like seeing deebs beeping around just makes him happy.

doesn’t have a competitive bone in his body when it comes to academic success or professional success but when it comes to pacman or tWISTER and suddenly nothing else matters in the world

lowkey still desperately wants friends and to be accepted, and cares a lot more about what people think of him than he lets on, rip

you absolutely could manipulate deon whenever you wanted to, he would skdjdsjk probably never catch on man. it’s like ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, come on man… fool me THREE TIMES?? bro.’ dkjdskj

lowkey sad sometimes because it be like that, but he will hide it the minute there’s someone around him.

one of those muses that is like… are you pretending to be dumb or are you really that dumb? and like legit i don’t even know the answer man and i’ve never actually got to play him long enough to find out so i’m hype for that!

WANTED CONNECTIONS. *tries to crowd surf at a ted talk*

BROS. give deon some a group of close guy friends he will adore them with everything in him!

SOMEONE THAT’S ANNOYED BY HIM. whether you’re trying to go home after your shift and deon is talking your ear off about the toe he found in his subway sandwich, or you have to hear him playing cotton eyed joe over the mall’s speakers (cause deon would do that,,,, i am so sorry peter blooth mall cop) you have a right to be annoyed by him. you are valid.

CONFIDANTE. despite the amount deon likes to talk he’s actually a really good listener and will keep all your secrets forever! so confide in him man, he’s got you. or the other way around someone deon feels like he can confide in and talk to?? a concept.

EXES. give me someone who broke his heart! i’ve never gotten to play brokenhearted deon but it would be fun. or someone who’s heart he accidentally broke, honestly he wouldn’t know it until it was too late sdkjsdkj.

CRUSH. give me someone who has a crush on deon that he is completely oblivious to. give me someone who deon has a crush on that he doesn’t know what to do with! honestly for the most part deon is either very blunt and forward or awkward and dumb with a crush, but either way it will be entertaining for all involved.

DAD FRIEND/MOM FRIEND. deon is a whole mess honestly, and he just needs someone who will make sure he doesn’t die you know? because he’s used to taking care of himself generally but he really will get himself into dangerous situation because he’s just stupid. some random stranger offers deon crack at a music festival? deon will take it! it’s so nice that they offered him some! *deon vc* yoooo, thanks man!

ENEMY. i just find it funny that deon wouldn’t know they are enemies. he’d wave to them and say hi and they’d be like I HATE YOU and he’d laugh like it’s a joke dkjdsk it’d be very one sided but very entertaining.

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. deon has traveled all around america so give this to me friends! they were buds for maybe a bit before he moved or something like?? i want it.

FWB. just really chill buds who also have sex. deon will try to high five them after sdkjdsjk maybe someone involved is catching feelings or maybe they’re just going to always be friends who have seen each other naked, and you know what that’s okay too.

alright that’s all i’ve got for now and yk how it is, please smash that like button if you’d like to plot and i’ll come running.

#d.d. | intro.#vhsintro #god finally done #this is probably a mess and there might be mistakes but i'm tired of looking at it #suicide tw #death tw #depression tw #just in case

9 notes · View notes

lisinfleur · 5 years

Text

Surprise, surprise!

Hey guys!

This month I saved this sweet surprise for you all. Believe me, it was a surprise for me as well. I never thought it could happen someday and to have this content to offer you guys is really something impressive and almost unbelievable to me.

I have been working hard on edits and fictions all this time to provide the events from the "Uncrowned King's Thursday" to the "5 Crowns Weekend" and, somehow, it filled my life with joy, so add this small interview as a part of this event - especially for THIS prince you all know is my favorite haha - is something very special and a huge gift. Maybe the hugest a fan could ever get from its idol.

Well, let me stop the rounds and rounds and tell you what this surprise is all about: dear David Lindström agreed in answering some questions for me to publish here, for you guys!

We all know our sweet bardic prince launched on July 12 the first single of his album to come, a beautiful song named "Autumn". If you didn't hear it yet, you're losing a hit! However, I didn't lose time and pre-saved my single and my chance to have this amazing content for you guys!

Enjoy!

Image source: Instagram (@dalindstrom, credits to the owner)

Me: First of all, and once again, thank you for this amazing opportunity! Considering this small article will be published in an event about Sigurd, I would like to start with a few questions related to him if you allow me. Would you mind telling us a bit of what was the meaning of this character in your life as an actor? How did it contribute to your professional career, acting style, and personal life?

David: My pleasure! Obviously, the role of Sigurd has been extremely important for my career, giving me exposure and resources that I would otherwise never have had at this point which in turn has made possible almost everything I do today. But it was actually the process around getting the role that impacted me the most personally and that has affected the way I approach acting, music, and life in general. Here’s the story: When I got to the open audition for the sons of Ragnar at 07:30 in Stockholm there was already a line outside the building with 200 giant dudes in a Ragnar mohawk, each and every one having about as much mass in their beards as I had in my entire body at that point. I realized that I was never going to get the job by competing with these guys on who’s the biggest, baddest warrior so if I were going to do this at all I’d have to take a different approach. I had the belief that even in the Viking age not everyone could have been the giant beasts that we associate them with, so what if I could present a character that was a little more sensitive, slender and insecure? Even better, what about a Viking in his awkward teenage phase, gradually growing into the legend he would later be known as? I took a shot and was told from the start that I was unlikely to get the part, but there was something interesting in my interpretation so I was still brought back repeatedly up until the final audition in Ireland. At this point, I was auditioning both for the role of Sigurd and Ivar, with the latter having a flamboyance and hubris that was suppressed in Sigurd. When all was done Travis Fimmel and Alexander Ludwig came into the room for a group shot, during which I awkwardly waved to the camera and was promptly called out by Travis and told that I could forget landing the role. I’ll admit that I believed him, and part of me would continue to believe him all the way through filming and even long after. But what was so special about the whole thing was that from the very first second I was put in a situation where I was forced to believe that I had something unique to bring to the table, if I didn’t go all in on embracing my differences I could as well forget it. So, whereas I’d never normally trust my instincts and go out on a limb that way, when that became the only option, I had a chance to see for myself that it can be worth it. Ever since, I try my best to remember how hopeless it all seemed until it suddenly worked out, and that no matter how inferior and incompetent we feel at times, it’s our unique combination of flaws that make us valuable, exciting and irreplaceable.

Me: We’re a large community of Vikings fans, passionate about the series, their actors, and everything related to the world your talent helped to bring for us. This community embraces the characters with such love, that many of us write fictions about the series, giving our beloved characters what we think they should achieve or deserved. How it is it for you to know there are such fanfictions and that - in a great number of them - Sigurd was described with a different ending, where his life followed the curse of history and he became a king, or he found love, had children, etc.? How does it feel for you to know so many people wanted a better life and a sweet ending for your character?

David: It’s incredibly humbling to see the passion and investment that so many of you put into the character’s fate. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but it’s sort of just the reassurance of having a whole bunch of great artists on your side. Even though the reason behind Sigurd’s fate has been somewhat explained to me, I can’t honestly say that it’s a decision that I really agree with. Of course, Hirst does a job writing the show that I can’t imagine many others could, and it’s crucial for a good story that the writer’s vision takes precedence over the actors getting what they want. That said, it’s obviously no question that I personally would have wanted more time to release what I’d built up, and for Sigurd’s coming of age-arch to be completed. When I was told what was going to happen, I actually felt I had to get involved with making suggestions to Hirst for the remaining scenes to get some sort of closure, which can be seen in Sigurd being noticeably more proactive and confrontational towards the end. The fact that so many in the community seem to have similar ideas and feelings on the subject means more than you’d really believe. Still, we should never underestimate the impact that a story can get out of an uncompleted pattern, maybe it’s better that Sigurd left us wanting more rather than outliving our interest for him. But there’s so much good writing in the community that I wouldn’t be surprised if some of it became a great screenplay of its own.

Me: Despite the huge project Vikings represented for us or the fact that many of us came to know you because of Sigurd, you worked in different projects on Swedish television, theatre, and other fields. Would you mind talking about some of these projects for us? Something you recommend for your new fans?

David: I’d love to! The part I’m proudest of is probably Simon in the TV series “Blue Eyes”. It was my first major professional role and I was overjoyed to receive such a well written, complexly human character that I felt really fit my style. The filming was also incredibly fun, I was warmly welcomed into the business and had great guidance from a number of caring directors and while I was personally going through a major heartbreak at the time, I had the opportunity to make use of those emotions and grow both artistically and personally. The series itself is a great political drama that mirrors the ideological situation that much of the world was dealing with at the time in a way that I thought was both insightful and thrilling.

Image source: Google Images (credits to the owner)

Me: Now, speaking of your present life, you changed your focus from acting to your musician self, now gifting us with this amazing work that's your soon-to-come album. What is the meaning of this project to your life as an artist?

David: I’ve probably always seen myself as a musician more than anything else, and although acting has been another one of my favourite things since long before I got paid for it, my go-to source of expression has always been music. I’ve loved sharing musical ideas with my close friends and processing life through song writing, and few things have been as exciting as finding someone willing to give my stuff a listen. Landing a record deal like the one I have means the sudden realization of so much that had only been fantasy before, and it’s been surreal to see this imagined world take shape. But that’s still something I’ve had more than a year to prepare for. What I could never prepare for was the reception we’ve had so far. I know that I tend to not expect things to go very well, but even when I allowed myself to dream big, I thought that it would take Autumn a year to get where it’s now at after a month. It’s once again the feeling of being surrounded by incredible people giving incredible support, and there’s nothing quite as uplifting as the feeling of being in such good company.

Me: I'm a writer myself. And to compose my text works, I usually have some sources of inspiration like listening to some specific musicians and music styles, reading books related to the work I want to compose, etc. What are your inspiration sources when composing your songs?

David: Of course, my main source of influence is other music, and that would mostly be my favourite artists such as anything Julian Casablancas, Muse, Kent, MGMT and Lars Winnerbäck, as well as the classical music of Chopin, Liszt and Rachmaninoff. I love anything with great lyrics or big melodies. I’m also lucky enough to live with one of the most creative people I know, so I always run my ideas past her when I’m stuck or unsure, but the ideas can really come from anywhere. If I come across a story, place, picture or anything that resonates with me it usually has something special when it comes to structure, dynamics or flavor that I can try to apply on what I’m working on, so I find that really just living life and being aware of the world around me gives me more than enough input without having to actively pursue it. However, if I’m working towards a deadline, I find it most effective to take an idea that I already like and either jam with it or elaborate on it until it’s become something else. In either case it’s important to remember that the majority of creative work is just finding out what doesn’t work, so no effort is ever really wasted. I sometimes task myself with writing 10 songs that I think are shit, because even if I’m right 90% of the time that will still leave me with a good one.

Image source: Spotify (Autumn, 2019)

Me: Dayfelice. At the pre saving of your album's first single "Autumn", we saw the album was signed "by Dayfelice". I already know this is a new artistic name, but how did you come up with the idea and what’s the meaning of this name you chose, in your personal view?

David: It’s a stylized version of my first names “David Felix”. When I make music, I try to liberate it from trends or expectations when it comes to genre and sound, and to end up in a space where the song’s emotion, narrative, and imagery can really shape it without limits. So, most of the songs are very different from each other, but they center around an emotional, cinematic larger-than-life style, and I wanted to signal that with an artist name that had a romantic, elevated feel without saying too much else. Something that could be either a band or an artist of any gender, as well as something that just sounds good.

Me: I’ll never be tired to thank you for this amazing moment! Would you like to leave a message to the fan community of Tumblr and Vikings' fans that will reach this work?

David: I know it's cliché, but I genuinely just want to thank you all for your amazing support. I want you to know that I see your comments, I read your messages and it truly means a lot be surrounded by such a smart, progressive and kind community. Stay awesome and take care of each other.

Well, that's it, guys! The apex of what a fan could get and one more of the thousands of reasons why David became one of my favorite artists in this world: his sweetness and kindness towards his fans is admirable such as his talent and beautiful work. A complete artist bringing to us not only our sweet and beloved prince Sigurd but also lots of amazing works and new songs for us to enjoy!

Thank you one more time for your gentleness, dear David, and for you guys, thank you for bringing me the courage to go there and get this for us! I hope

Do you like my work? Support me!

Tagged ones:

|| @directionlessbuthappy || @akamaiden || @bang-kim-bap || @cris101071 || @solveigs-temple || @volvas-temple || @alicedopey || @captstefanbrandt || @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla || @lol-haha-joke || @normatural || @readsalot73 || @shutter-bug124 || @rekdreams247 || @slutforasoldier || @naaladareia || @laketaj24 || @therealcalicali || @grungyblonde || @honestsycrets || @rabeccablake || @2thequietone4 || @blackspiritshake || @vikingsbifrost || @sincerelysinister || @harringtonsbaseballbat || @lyanna-the-giantsbane || @isthat-tyra98 || @xinyourdreamsx || @medievalfangirl || @queenbeeta || @snake-eye-blaeja || @thiahilmarsdottir ||

Want to be tagged? Ask me!

#history vikings #imagine vikings #sigurd #sigurd snake in the eye #sigurd imagine #sigurd x reader #sigurd ragnarsson #sigurd lothbrok #sigurd’s fairy muses #sister wives #5CW #5CW Event #5CW Sigurd #sneak peek

67 notes · View notes

jkottke · 4 years

Text

An Interview with 'Kottke Ride Home' Host Jackson Bird

Last week, I told you about the launch of kottke.org's new podcast, Kottke Ride Home. The podcast is a 15-minute show with smart news and info hosted by Jackson Bird. I recently "sat down" with Jackson to ask him some questions. In this (very) lightly edited interview, he talks about how the podcast comes together every weekday, provides some insider knowledge on TED Talks, suggests about how we might relate to Harry Potter given JK Rowling's repeated airing of her anti-trans views, and shares some media suggestions like YouTube videos, podcasts, and movies.

Let's start with something easy. What are you up to these days, apart from hosting the podcast?

Apart from the podcast, I make videos for my YouTube channel, which I've been doing in various capacities since 2007. These days my videos are mostly on LGBTQ+ topics, but sometimes I throw random things on a waffle iron to see what happens. I also co-host a podcast about masculinity with my friend Bo Méndez called Everything's Bigger. Before the pandemic, I was a pub quiz host. Since bars aren't opening for indoor activities anytime soon here in New York City, I'm glad to have the Kottke Ride Home to fill my thirst for random knowledge.

How do you go about deciding which stuff to feature on the podcast? What are you looking for? Do you have a system? Is it a gut feeling? How do you know something's right? (This is something I struggle to explain when I get this question, so I'd love to hear your perspective.)

I have a huge RSS feed list and bookmark anything I see that could possibly be interesting for the podcast, but as far as narrowing it down for what makes the cut each day, that's a bit tougher. I like to have a nice balance of different genres (i.e. not too much science or too much history in any one day) and try to keep most of it fairly topical, even if I dive into older, archival finds here and there. When we were first developing the show, Brian suggested that each day listeners should learn something new, hear something that makes them smile, and learn something they might share at a dinner party (remember dinner parties?). I still try to stick to that for the most part. I'm aware that some listeners might be more into pop culture and others into scientific discoveries and still others looking for weird cultural finds, design, uplifting stories, and more so I try to make sure there's something that would keep people listening everyday even if they aren't interested in every single story. Sometimes it also comes down to length. We try to keep Ride Home shows to 15 minutes, which means each segment is ideally 400-500 words. If I got really into a story and accidentally wrote 1000 words, then the other segments have to be a bit shorter and lighter that day so another long story might get pushed to the next day. I don't get it perfect everyday. It really is an intricate dance and truly a lot of gut feelings.

Over the past decade, TED has grown into a huge cultural juggernaut. What was it like on the inside, being a TED Resident and doing a TED Talk?

It was really surreal. I still sometimes can't believe that I was not only picked to be a TED Resident, but also that I actually worked out of TED's global headquarters in Manhattan everyday for over three months. My fellow residents were all working on amazing projects like an app to locate land mines, a VR time capsule of Coney Island, and a documentary destigmatizing mental illness in communities of color, but just being inside the beating heart of TED was inspiring all on its own. There was always something happening and residents were invited to be a part of most of it -- like the day Tony Schwartz, the ghostwriter of Donald Trump's The Art of Deal, came to speak in TED's in-house theater just weeks after Trump's inauguration. Or the day I turned around from my desk and realized the woman who had been working in the conference room behind me for two hours was Monica Lewinsky.

Giving a TED Talk was massively intimidating. Having a TED Talk under your belt is a huge thing so I didn't want to mess it up and blow the opportunity. I also knew that much of TED's leadership would be watching from the audience. Part of what makes it so nerve-wracking is that it's both a live performance and something filmed and shared in perpetuity. I've grown up doing both live performances and plenty of on-camera work, but rarely both at the same time -- and certainly not for something that would have such a huge impact on my career. If you mess up in a live performance, you try to cover it somehow and keep going. It might not be your best night, but that's okay because you feed off the audience and no one will ever see it again. If you mess up for a camera, you stop and start over. Because TED uses something like a dozen cameras all over the theater aimed at both you and the audience, we were instructed to use that latter method if we messed up, to stop and start over. With just one shot though, I still wanted to give my best performance for the audience so I just worked as hard as I could to not mess up. I must have practiced my talk close to a thousand times in the month leading up to actually giving it. That was a challenge in and of itself because it meant finishing the talk soon enough to get a month of practice in.

The process of writing, however, was really invigorating. We had a number of sessions with a speaking coach to help us craft our talks and hone our delivery. As someone who has been an independent creator for so long, it was really great to get so much feedback and spend so long making sure every single word had a purpose. TED Talks for residents are only six minutes, so every second has to count. As nervous as I was, I don't think I could've done any better on the night, but I still never watch it back. I can't stomach it. But it has been really nice to have one quick talk to point to as an example of my work and as a resource for people looking to learn more about transgender topics. If you watch on TED.com, there's an extensive list of footnotes and further reading that I curated along with the video. TED staff thinks I may have broken a record for most extra resources added at the time.

You wrote a memoir that was published last September. Was writing a book something you'd always wanted to do?

Yeah, I always wanted to be a writer. I was "writing" stories on the family typewriter before I could spell any words. Growing up the only two things I cared about was writing and acting. I more or less quit acting when I went to college and between college papers and then copywriting for a nonprofit, I kind of lost any drive for creative writing for a while. The book kind of happened by accident. I set out to write a zine, something usually in the 3-10 page range, and ended up writing 75 pages. From there, I started thinking maybe I could expand the project into a memoir. I went back and forth for years on if I actually wanted to publish a memoir, but at the end of 2018 the opportunity presented itself and less than a year later I had published a book. It was a whirlwind and has been an awesome experience, but I can't wait to write more books on a more normal timeline and which aren't about me. I've got a picture book I'm working on, two young adult novels I'm trying to make headway on, and ideas for several other novels and works of creative nonfiction I'd love to one day write. And if Marvel ever let me write a Captain America novel, I'd be over the moon.

My kids and I are big Harry Potter fans. I read the entire series aloud to them, they've read all the books more times than I can keep track of, and they know an absurd amount of Potter trivia. The books have spurred & facilitated all kinds of conversations about the value of friendship, the acceptance of differences, and even the dangers of fascism. Their mom and I have told them about the statements that J.K. Rowling has made about trans people and how they differ from our views and seemingly from the inclusive messages in her own work. But I struggle about what guidance to offer them in how they should continue to relate to this entire world that she created that they love. You wrote about this separation of Potter & Rowling in the NY Times back in December before some of her most recent comments. Where are you on this these days?

I used to be the Communications Director for the Harry Potter Alliance, a nonprofit that uses the power of story to mobilize fans towards social action. With over a hundred chapters all over the world, the HPA uses parallels from Harry Potter (and other books, comics, movies, etc.) as an entry point for teaching leadership skills and educating on particular issues and then taps into the inherent enthusiasm and organizing power of fans to effect real change in local communities and around the world. I didn't write the book on how the Harry Potter series is saturated with inclusive and fairly progressive values, but I did write a peer-reviewed paper on it. So I'm extraordinarily familiar with how people have found solace and inspiration from the books as well as the amazing things fans have created around the books (from fanfiction and fan art to small businesses and an entire genre of music). Which is why I'm both completely nonplussed how the author of a series about unconditional love could have missed the message of her own books entirely and why I personally don't care anymore. For me, the true magic of the series has always been what we've made of it ourselves, and what we've made from it. I know not everyone has deep and meaningful fandom experiences like I do to cling onto, especially young kids reading it for the time, but I do think we can separate the author from the art a little bit here. Authors being on social media and clinging ever steadfast to their opinions does make that a bit more challenging than in the past and, admittedly, I don't think I'll be able to stomach reading the books anytime soon without hearing her Twitter voice in my head, but I think there are ways to enjoy the books and acknowledge how her views may differ from your own. It's a chance to interrogate our own biases and have a discussion about important topics. That said, for anyone for whom this was the last straw (because it was certainly not JK Rowling's first offense), I completely understand. While Harry Potter will always hold a huge place in my heart and in the cultural consciousness of my generation, there are so many other amazing works out there by authors who live out their values and by trans people themselves.

And for anyone who has been a bit confused about the controversy surrounding JK Rowling, I highly recommend this extensively-researched video from YouTuber creators Jamia and Shaaba, a trans man and his fiancée. They're doctoral researchers in England in the fields of transgender well-being and psychology so they know what they're talking about. I also recommend this episode of Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, which discusses how fans can continue to be fans (or not) and gives several trans people (admittedly including myself) a chance to share how they're feeling.

Ok, speed round. Are you a city person or country person? Or suburbs, I guess?

Country. I've reluctantly been in New York City for ten years and dreaming of moving to the country for at least five of them. I grew up in Texas so I'm used to more nature and wide open spaces than the urban jungle can in any way provide.

Optimist or pessimist?

Optimist, definitely.

What's your favorite podcast (other than the one you host)?

So tough to choose just one podcast! I think I'll go with One From The Vaults, hosted by Morgan M. Page. It's a history podcast that focuses on one trans or gender nonconforming person from history each episode. Our history has been largely ignored so it's really cool to learn about unknown or little mentioned individuals in great detail. As an honorable mention, WNYC's Dear Hank and John always brings a smile to my face. Brothers (and authors/YouTube creators) Hank and John give dubious advice and update listeners on all the news related to Mars and third-tier English football team AFC Wimbledon.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A sidekick.

Favorite book, movie, or TV show?

I don't know if I could ever choose a favorite book, but my favorite movie is hands down Back to the Future and my favorite TV show is a tie between Parks and Recreation and Downton Abbey.

Who was your favorite teacher?

Dr. Eric Selbin who taught my first year seminar at Southwestern University.

And finally, what question do you wish interviewers would ask you that they never ask?

What's your most-watched YouTube video?. (Answer.) ---

Thanks Jackson, not only for taking the time but also for indulging my parenting question. You can listen to Jackson every weekday on Kottke Ride Home. And look for an episode of the podcast in the next few weeks where Jackson will subject me to similar but probably better questions.

1 note · View note

anneapocalypse · 5 years

Text

Season 17 is a Fixer-Upper

A many-decker compliment sandwich.

Preface

Hi folks. Welcome back.

It's time to put this thing to bed.

If you have not read my season 15 and season 16 essays, you may want to read those first as I will be building on what I wrote there.

Season 15 of Red vs. Blue was written and directed by Joe Nicolosi as a standalone story arc picking up ten months after the end of season 13. Season 16, sub-titled "The Shisno Paradox" was directed by Joe Nicolosi and written by Joe Nicolosi and Jason Weight, as the first part of a multi-season story arc jumping off, but not directly connected to, the events of season 15.

Then, a mere two days before season 17 premiered, it was announced that Joe was no longer the creative lead on RvB, a decision that had been made months earlier but apparently kept under wraps. Season 17, sub-titled "Singularity," was written by Jason Weight, with two episodes written by Miles Luna and with Miles credited as "Head of Writing." It was co-directed by Josh Ornelas and Austin Clark.

This marks the first time in RvB history that the show has switched creative leads in the middle of a story arc. I can only speculate as to why this is. In the announcement, it was stated that Joe had been pulled to take the lead on an upcoming Rooster Teeth project (as yet, unannounced). This could be sole reason. It is also possible this decision was made for creative reasons pertaining to RvB specifically. Though fan reception to season 16 was… mixed, to say the least, that is something that happens pretty every time the show changes creative leads and so I don't think fan reception alone would be enough to force a change. If there were creative reasons, I think they must have come from within the company itself. But I can't say for sure that there were, so that's all I have to say about that.

Henceforth I will be referring to these three seasons together as "The Time Travel Trilogy." This arc doesn't have an official name as yet, but Miles used that phrase at the RvB panel at RTX and I think this is as good a name as any. In this essay, I want to discuss season 17 primarily but also this arc as a whole. Singularity is, ironically, not a singularity; it is not a standalone season. It cannot be separated from season 16, or even from 15, and I am as interested in how it works as a conclusion and how the trilogy works as a whole, as I am in how Singularity works on its own. So we have a lot of ground to cover here, but if you've read my previous writing about this arc, you already know that.

These are my personal opinions, you're welcome to disagree, please be civil and back up your arguments if you're going to argue, et cetera. You know the drill.

So let's get into it.

Does the Plot Matter?

Eh, yes and no? Bear with me here. I’m getting this part out of the way first because to me it matters the least, but I think it still bears mentioning. I said last season that while I'm interested in plot, because I am absolutely one of those fans who likes plot and cares about the plot making sense, Red vs. Blue has always been a character-driven show, and the show as a whole really does stand or fall on its character arcs. So while I do want to talk about the plot, this is not going to be an essay full of worldbuilding nitpicks. I'm frontloading this so we can move on to what really matters to me, the characters.

Where the plot matters is insofar as it drives the characters to action and meaningful development, and for that we do need a story that is at least… semi-coherent? We need at least enough context for character actions to be meaningful. It's possible to accomplish this with a plot that is silly, even a little nonsensical in places, and the Blood Gulch Chronicles pretty much exemplify this.

And yes, Blood Gulch does have a plot. It's meandering and it's silly, but it is a plot, because the characters have wants and needs and things happen that create conflicts out of those wants and needs, driving characters to act, and to succeed or fail. It's easy to say that nothing happens in season 1, the joke being that it's just people standing around talking. It's funny. It's also not strictly true. Church's primary motivation in Blood Gulch is his desire to keep Tex safe; Tex neither wants nor needs to be kept safe, and her involvement in the Red versus Blue conflict creates the main tension for the season. The season-long tension is resolved when Tex is "killed" by a grenade, but also freed from her aggressive AI, O'Malley. When Tex returns as a "ghost" on a mission to hunt down and kill O'Malley, the season 1 tension is escalated to the main tension of the Blood Gulch arc as a whole. Side plots are introduced to give other characters development as well, like Tucker's Great Journey, but make no mistake, everything in Blood Gulch does tie back into the main tension in some way, that tension being Church and Tex's relationship and their conflicting motivations.

And we would not care so much about those people standing around talking if we didn't have some kind of plot to drive them to action, and to give us context in which to interpret those actions.

That is why plot matters in a character-driven story. That is its function.

Season 17 is the back half of the story arc 16 began. Although I'm referring to 15-17 as a trilogy for simplicity's sake, season 15 really is its own story. You could compare it to Recollections in the sense that season 6, while a part of the Recollections Trilogy, is also a self-contained story arc, though season 6's story does tie into the arc of 7-8 much more directly, so the comparison is imperfect. The characterization in season 15 is relevant, but Temple's plot is unrelated to the plot of 16 and 17 except insofar as it provides two critical jumping-off points: the time machine through which Chrovos is able to influence Donut, and Wash's injury which will serve as a motivating factor later on. The Shisno Paradox and Singularity constitute their own story arc, which for brevity I'm going to call the Shisno arc.

Does season 17 have enough plot coherence to drive meaningful character development? I think that it does, and I think we'll see that when we get into talking about characters.

Of course, the devil is, as they say, in the details.

Cosmology Lessons

So let me, uh… try to summarize what happens in this arc. I'm going to try and lay out the events, not as they unfold to us, the viewers, but as they actually happen, for reasons that should become clear.

The Shisno arc presents a cosmic conflict between a group of AI self-styled as "the Cosmic Powers" and their creator and nemesis, the AI Chrovos, whom they have confined behind a firewall styled as a "cage." Unbeknownst to them, one of the Cosmic Powers, Genkins, is in fact Chrovos—or more accurately, Genkins later becomes Chrovos after a black hole carries him back to the beginning of the universe and he exists in space for billions of years (a fact Genkins himself does not yet know). At some point, he creates the rest of the Cosmic Powers, and at some later point, they decide he's dangerous and imprison him behind a firewall. Somehow, from behind that firewall, he's still able to remotely make contact with and influence humans. And give them physical time machines. And make them immune to harm by any of the other AI.

Yeah, you see how this is starting to kind of fall apart here?

And we haven't even gotten to the Reds and Blues' involvement yet.

Anyway, the Reds and Blues are caught up in this conflict when Donut falls under the influence of Chrovos (somehow, involving Loco's time-powered drilling machine) and distributes time travel devices to his friends with the vague directive to "change the past" in order to fix the future. To provoke them to action, Genkins has traveled back in time to prevent the invention of pizza. When Kalirama, another Cosmic Power, shows up to stop them, the Reds and Blues escape into the past in groups of two, where they make a number of changes. After being stranded in the past by Doc in his O'Malley personality, Grif is approached by Huggins, a sentient light being who serves the Cosmic Powers, and she convinces him that Chrovos is the real enemy, and he needs to find his friends and take action.

Eventually the group reunite and meet the Cosmic Powers, who warn them against any further time travel and urge them to help stop Chrovos by strengthening his prison. (Which apparently they can't do themselves for some reason.) But when a personal conflict comes to a head, the Reds and Blues decide they must defy the Cosmic Powers and time travel one last time to prevent Wash's injury at Temple's base.

This action creates a paradox.

It turns out that a temporal paradox does not simply destroy the fabric of spacetime, but rather create cracks in Chrovos's "cage." Which is a firewall, because Chrovos is an AI, but it can also… protect humans? and also it's… made of time? Such that damaging the timeline damages the cage?

Yeah, here the plot starts to crumble again. But let's try to keep going.

So the Reds and Blues' future consciousnesses (is that a word?) have been sent back to relive their pasts, because… just because. Once they become aware of this, however, they will be able to travel freely along the period of the timeline between Blood Gulch and Wash's injury. Genkins, meanwhile, is also freely time-traveling and strategically possessing AI along the way (mostly but not limited to Church) to make changes and cause further paradoxes, with the goal of setting Chrovos (aka his future self, but I don't think he knows that yet) free. The period of time immediately after Wash's injury now exists as two alternate realities happening concurrently in the same timeline (a la Schrödinger's cat).

By making Wash conscious of the paradox, Donut is able to collapse the waveform, so to speak, and snap the timeline to the reality where Wash wasn't injured. Wash then proceeds to help him wake up the others in the past; Huggins rejoins them and scouts ahead in time to find the paradoxes Genkins has created so that our heroes can find them and fix them.

Genkins, realizing what's happening, returns to Chrovos to demand more of her power (whatever that means in practical terms) in order to stop the Reds and Blues on the grounds that once they're dealt with, Chrovos will be able to reabsorb their power (again, whatever that means), only it turns out he's tricked her and he intends to take that power for himself, a brilliant move except for the fact that Genkins is Chrovos, but again, Genkins doesn't seem to know that yet.

When our heroes return to the original paradox to redo Wash's injury, Genkins intervenes, freezes time, stops the bullet, sends them all back to Blood Gulch where they can no longer freely traverse time, the Reds and Blues impale him with that golf club we saw in season 16 which it turns out is also some kind of AI-subduing weapon, and they're all transported to The Labyrinth that protects Chrovos from escaping, and the Labyrinth is the same as the firewall, or maybe it's different, it's not really clear, but either way it torments them with their own desires and fears and oh my god this is all so squirrelly I'm getting exhausted just trying to summarize it, anyway they defeat the Labyrinth through the power of friendship, Donut figures out the truth about Genkins, Genkins leaps into a black hole that takes him back to the beginning of the universe and after existing for billions of years and developing a God complex, he will be imprisoned by the "children" he at some point created.

Meanwhile the Reds and Blues repair the last paradox and return to Chorus together to visit Wash in the hospital, the fucking END.

So, okay.

What you might have noticed along the way here (and the reason I bothered trying to summarize all of that) is that there are a lot of mechanics of the universe in general and the Cosmic Powers in specific that don't make a lot of sense and are never really explained.

It's never really clear in season 16 why the Cosmic Powers can physically summon objects and affect physical environments, and while we're told that their power has limits, it still kind of far surpasses what an AI should logically be able to do, at least without some kind physical technology at their disposal. There are fan theories about this, and they involve a lot of Halo lore, and you can certainly make something like that work for a Watsonian reading. I have some theories of my own. As it stands, a lot is left pretty thoroughly unexplained in the canon. We're left to just kind of accept that the Cosmic Powers can do stuff, a lot of stuff, but not unlimited stuff. Things like the Cosmic Powers' physical appearances can be explained by holographic projections, but not everything they do can be explained that way.

Things get more squirrelly in season 17, and I think the time-cage-firewall-thing is really the least sensical of all of it. Are they breaking the universe or just the cage? We don't know. Is the cage made of time and how would that even work? We don't know. What will actually happen if Chrovos gets free? We don't know. Why does creating a paradox send the Reds and Blues back to relive their lives and why can they now time travel freely without a time machine? We don't know! They just can, okay? Those are the rules now.

In fact, this is the main purpose of season 17's first episode: setting up the rules of the plot.

Or… more like resetting them.

Because most of that stuff was not established in season 16.

I'm My Own Grandpa: The Villain in Plain Sight

Here's something positive: Genkins as a villain works on every level for me. Yes, even though the plot doesn't make sense.

In season 16, the signs were pretty much there all along that Genkins was out of step with the rest of the Cosmic Powers, and yet he also gave off the vibe that he was just shit-talking because he didn't care, so I never committed any serious suspicion to him, which made his villainy enough of a surprise to be exciting, while foreshadowed enough to be satisfying. It's a great example of hiding your villain in plain sight and I think it's one of the things in season 16 that really works. In fact, I consistently like Joe's original characters, most of whom function better in the stories he tells than the core cast—the latter being part of the problem.

Genkins continues to work in season 17! I don't know if Genkins becoming Chrovos was planned from the start, but it works, and it's one of the things I like best about 17's plot. It's an elegant solution to Chrovos' origins and identity that doesn't take a huge amount of time or exposition to establish.

It also allows the Cosmic Powers a brief cameo in this season. Personally, I wasn't missing them, as I never got attached to any of them as characters and I think with only twelve episodes, focusing on the core cast was absolutely the right decision. But I know some fans did enjoy them, so it's good to have at least a moment of resolution on their end.

Course Correcting

The sheer quantity of exposition dump in episode 1 is the first clue that season 17 is going to be a "fix-it" season. I'll admit, I initially kind of hated episode 1, to the point that it clinched my decision not to watch the season as it aired. It is largely characters explaining the plot, and most of that explanation still doesn't make a lot of sense.

But what's noteworthy to me is that this episode is already overtly responding to season 16 criticism. When Genkins says,

What should we do with the Shisno? And incidentally, who named them Shisno anyway? It's a derogatory term for 'human' right?

That could be something I said. Actually I'm pretty sure it is something I said.

And there are a few other things just in Episode 1 that seem like direct responses to fan reception of season 16. "A hammer than makes prisons! Ridiculous!" Genkins declares, kicking last season's McGuffin off into space. Even female!Chrovos seems like a response to fan disappointment with Kalirama's minor role in the story.

This is just the beginning. Throughout season 17, we will see a focus on reframing, repairing, and resolving things from the previous season—most notably characterization and character relationships.

Look, the plot is a mess. It is dumb as rocks. But it is doing its best to drive motivated character development while staying functionally continuous with season 16, and as a lode-bearing feature, that is what the plot of this season needs to do.

Also, the ending pretty much explicitly says that what they had to do to save the day was to in-universe retcon all of season 16, which is from an in-universe perspective pretty squirrelly and from an out-of-universe perspective really funny.

But the biggest reason I'm cool with the plot nonsense this season is that for the first time in this arc, no one is holding the idiot ball. There is no point at which conflict feels forced, or at which I feel like anyone is acting uncharacteristically stupid, petty, or mean in the interest of furthering the plot. Characteristically so, sure! It's Red vs. Blue. But never unbelievably. Never to a degree that it feels contrived. It does make use of the "time-traveling character thinks out loud in front of other characters who don't know what's going on despite the fact that it might really fuck things up to do so," which gives me terrible secondhand embarrassment, but y'know. It's a dialogue-based show. I get why it's in there. And it doesn't end up mattering at all, so.

This season's plot is dumb but functional. And most importantly, the characters are driving the plot, not the other way around.

So, speaking of which, who's flying the plane?

The Protagonist Problem, Revisited

There’s been a lot of discussion these past three seasons about protagonists. I’ve discussed it myself in both of my previous full season essays. I think this comes up so much now because season 15 lacked a clear lead among the core cast, leading fans to ask: who could have been the protagonist? Who should be? Who would we like to see in the future?

The Time Travel Trilogy is unique among Red vs. Blue arcs in that it does not have one overarching protagonist. Blood Gulch has Church, Recollections has Wash, Freelancer has Carolina, and Chorus has Tucker. The Time Travel Trilogy has Dylan, then sort of Grif, then Donut. Not only are these protagonists and their arcs disconnected from one another, they aren’t all complete arcs. Dylan’s and Donut’s are; Grif’s is not. We’ll get to that.

A lot of fans have wanted to see Red Team get more attention. I think the Red Team characters are just as deserving of character development as any other characters, if that’s the question.

But I think maybe from a storytelling standpoint, which characters deserve to be protagonists is the wrong question.

Sarge and Caboose are great characters, and they would both make awful protagonists for almost any serious storyline. This isn’t a failing of the characters. It doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of attention or screen time, even of character growth or backstory. But neither of them have the kind of motivation that lends itself well to driving a serious plot. They both have excellent supporting motivation, which can either impede or assist the rest of our heroes in their progress depending on the mood. But they aren’t the right characters to be driving serious plot. I don't want to say they could never, under any circumstances, be protagonists, because then that just sounds like a challenge—but in both cases you would need a very specific kind of story to make it work, and it would need to be tailored to the character and probably not take itself too seriously.

And there was a time when I would've said the same for Donut. But that's changed, and I think it's changed for the better. We'll get to that! I have a lot of positive things to say about Donut's character development.

First I want to talk about Red Team in general.

Red Team Problems

The expression "Blue Team Problems" exists on this show for a reason. Blue Team have traditionally been the purveyors of Plot in this show, thanks to their more direct connections to Project Freelancer. Blue Team had Church and by extension Tex (twice). Wash was adopted onto Blue Team, and later Carolina (and yes, all respect to Red Team Carolina headcanons but canonically she is a Blue). Tucker took up the protagonist mantle on Chorus, and that was far from Tucker's first time driving plot; as Grif once put it, "I'm not the one who grabs swords and fucks aliens."

Red Team's avenue into the plot has traditionally been simply by way of their proximity to Blue Team. For the first ten seasons, the plot revolves around Project Freelancer, and none of the Reds have any personal connection to Project Freelancer beyond being sim troopers. It's no surprise that for those first ten seasons our protagonists were characters with very direct connections to Freelancer: Church, Wash, and Carolina. Tucker only had his turn once the story moved away from Freelancer.

So it definitely makes sense to see this as a permanent move away from Freelancer-adjacent characters driving the plot, and toward letting the sim trooper characters have a go. And the truth is, we're kind of running out of Blues here. The only surviving Blues who haven't already been protagonists are Caboose and Kaikaina. Caboose is a great supporting character; his motivations as they stand now are a bit too one-note to be protagonist material. Kaikaina's not out of the question, but she's also been around the least out of the core cast, and her VA's availability has not historically been guaranteed, so at present I think she too works best as a supporting character.

Thus it makes perfect sense that we might start taking a closer look at Red Team.

If Tucker was the obvious choice for a sim trooper protagonist on Blue Team because of his prior capability and character development, Grif is pretty much that to a T on Red Team. Prior to the Time Travel Trilogy, Grif's had easily the most character growth of anyone on Red Team.

Simmons has plenty to work with in terms of motivation, with his array of anxieties and personal hang-ups, but he's kind of noticeably lacking in meaningful growth (something fans have very much noticed). He still has Dad issues, he's still afraid to talk to girls, he's still kind of a kiss-ass. If anything about Simmons has noticeably changed beyond the general increase in capability across all the Blood Gulch characters, it's his relationship to Grif, wherein we began to see signs as early as season 6 that they really do care about each other. But when it comes to Simmons himself, his growth has been pretty thin thus far.

Donut, as of season 13, had seen… about the same amount of meaningful growth as Simmons, which is to say almost none, except that Donut had even less screentime and never got a promotion to Captain. (We'll get to Donut in a bit. We'll talk about our boy plenty, don't you worry.)

Even Sarge has seen some growth over the years. His most dramatic character moment has been the revelation that his military career was a lie, but the most noticeable growth over time has to be his willingness to work with the Blues and his increased affection for his own men. He even learns to care about people outside his own team; remember that it's Sarge who remarks with distaste on the "thousands of deaths" they would allow to happen should they accept the mercs' offer of safe passage off Chorus. Sarge is still Sarge: he's still gruff, he still longs for a good fight even knowing the Red versus Blue conflict is fake, he still occasionally jokes about killing Grif. But he does show a bit of increased self-awareness and the wisdom to know a real fight when he sees one. For all that, though, I still think Sarge is similar to Caboose in that his motivations are fairly one-note, and he works best as a supporting character.

Grif is characterized early on as the lazy one on Red Team—the one who is the least motivated and takes things the least seriously. But over many seasons we see things that challenge the surface-level reading of Grif: the fact that he's promoted to Sergeant as soon as he's transferred away from Blood Gulch (and Sarge), his surprising willingness to go on a mission to the desert with Caboose, his own declaration that he's not actually lazy but simply doesn't want to take orders from people he doesn't respect. In fact, in hindsight, it's easy to see Grif as the savviest person on Red Team with regard to their situation. Most of Red Team is characterized by taking themselves and their situation extremely seriously even when no one else does. But it's Grif who remarks, right from day one, that this, "fighting a bunch of blue guys," is not what he signed up for. Grif realizes intuitively, before anyone else on Red Team, that their mission does not matter. When something matters—such as Caboose potentially wandering off and getting himself killed—suddenly Grif cares, even if he'd be loathe to admit it.

This tension between Grif's actual motivations and his distaste for meaningless conflict and authority reaches an interesting turning point on Chorus, when Grif is forced into a leadership position with actual stakes. Where Tucker's internal conflict is his fear of failure, Grif's fear is of becoming the kind of leader he himself cannot respect. This culminates in Grif's unexpected agreement with Tucker's rescue plan. Unexpected by Simmons, at any rate. If you remembered season 7 Grif, you might not have been surprised by this at all.

Simmons: That's your plan? We just show up and wing it? That's the worst plan I've ever—

Grif: All right. Let's do it.

Simmons: What? Grif? You wanna do this?

Grif: Yeah. So what?

Simmons: So what? You never wanna do anything. Ever!

Grif: Simmons, I've been following orders I never liked for years.

Simmons: No, you haven't. You disobey orders all the time!

Grif: Well, I don't wanna be the guy who gives shitty orders that nobody wants to follow! I will not become a Sarge, damn it! There's no way I'm making a bunch of stupid rebels get shot for something I want. So yeah, whatever. Let's just do it.

So with already the most complex motivations and the most prior development of anyone on Red Team, Grif was kind of the obvious choice for our next protagonist.

The Big Short: Grif’s Incomplete Character Arc

And so, given the obvious similarities between Grif and Tucker in terms of character growth, and with Tucker's protagonist arc completed with Chorus, naturally season 15 gave the protagonist spot to…

Dylan Andrews, a brand new character.

Oh. Hm.

Well, Grif spends most of season 15 absent, and to the best of my understanding this had to do with Geoff Ramsey's availability during the season (he took a sabbatical in 2017). Joe found a way not only to work around Grif's absence but to integrate it into the story in a way that I think works conceptually pretty well and effectively draws on his established motivations.

We are supposed to be done! I don't want to go on another adventure! I don't want to listen to Sarge! I don't want to get shot at! I don't want to shoot at other people! I want to chill! I want to sit and chill.

Grif is exhausted with adventure, and frustrated by the fact that nobody seems to care what he wants in all this mess. He says some insensitive things for sure, like "Fuck Church!" and "Why can't he just stay dead?" to his friends who are still clearly grieving. They say some insensitive things right back, calling him lazy and selfish. And when they leave on their mission, Grif stays behind, only returning to the story when Locus arrives with the message that his friends are in trouble.

In season 16, Grif's motivation resets right back to not wanting adventure, with one critical change: he is now nominally the protagonist. I say "nominally" because while I definitely believe Grif was supposed to be the lead for season 16, the season's central conflict really doesn't have anything to do with Grif personally beyond… pizza. (Donut's involvement with Chrovos, by comparison, is far more personal.) It doesn't really advance Grif's character development beyond convincing him to take action (again), and it doesn't develop Grif's relationship to his friends at all. In fact Grif's new friendship with Huggins gets more screentime than his friendship with Simmons, the only relationship of his that really saw any growth the previous season.

I covered last year why Grif's arc in 15 doesn't feel complete in the season 16 essay, and I don't want to rehash all of that here. But suffice it to say, that interpersonal conflict never really feels resolved. To quote myself:

So Grif’s arc in season 15 only resolves in the sense that he reunites with his friends, returning to the status quo. His relationship to his friends, with the exception of Simmons, does not change, his need is only partially fulfilled, and his want is unfulfilled. So he begins season 16 with the same want… and his arc basically resets from the beginning, except that this time his separation from his friends is involuntary. Yet again, he finds his wants belittled and dismissed, only this time it’s by Doc instead of Sarge and the Blues.

For Grif to have a truly satisfying resolution to his arc, I think we really need to see his friends express in some way that they value him as much as we can tell he values them.

Unfortunately in 17, Grif's protagonist run is clearly over, and he doesn't get much screentime at all outside of the ensemble scenes. Huggins is alive and Grif gets to be happy about that, at least. He shoots down Tex's ship to fix the timeline, something that definitely wouldn't have enraged Church and broken the timeline even further. His relationship with Simmons develops not at all, and he gets two significant scenes in the Labyrinth at the end, one by himself and one with his sister.

So let's talk about that Labyrinth.

In Grif's personal Labyrinth scene, we see him at the mercy of a sadistic gym teacher forcing him to run an obstacle course. This seems to reflect an experience from Grif's early life, which, in his own words, "made me hate effort itself!" When he finds Kaikaina in the Labyrinth to rescue her from her own nightmare, he makes a startling confession: he was never drafted for the war, but voluntarily enlisted. (Grif being drafted has never explicitly been stated on the show, by the way; it was in a set of character profiles from the season 5 DVD extras, many of which have already been retconned, and it was a Word of God statement from Geoff. Nevertheless it was something a lot of fans had come to accept as canon.)

Fan reception to this scene seems to have been… mixed. Some, I think, have appreciated that the obstacle course scene dug into the possible roots of Grif's hatred for power-tripping authority figures and meaningless effort, and I can appreciate that too—I think that scene makes this point well. And taken together, I think the obstacle course and the enlistment confession do offer some real insight into Grif's character: he learned to hate meaningless effort and authority at a young age, and he enlisted, it's implied, to find structure and purpose that was meaningful—only to be shunted off to Project Freelancer's simulation program, where he found no such thing. This ties right back into what Grif says in season 1: "I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know… I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys." This lines up well with what we've seen of Grif over the years. And I think it does an even better job than season 15 of contextualizing when and why Grif hates effort.

It just doesn't have anything to do with Grif's relationship to his friends.

So why is that Grif doesn't get that kind of emotional resolution, the kind Donut gets—wherein he gets apologies and his feelings respected?

Well, I think the answer is that Joe just didn't see that as the conflict he was setting up, and I think that becomes very clear when you look back at how season 15 plays out. It's why no one but Grif ever apologizes. If the only problem to be solved is Grif not wanting to go on the adventure, then that problem is resolved when Grif goes on the adventure. If the problem is Grif, and no one else, then it's Grif who has to come around, Grif who has to apologize for forgetting what kind of story he's in, for selfishly and wrongly wanting something for himself.

So, Grif was wrong, Grif apologized, character arc over. And season 16 offers no follow-up, no emotional resolution, but simply rinses and repeats: Grif refuses the call to adventure, Grif becomes convinced of the need for action, Grif accepts the call and acts. Also, he gets a sword, proving he's as cool as Tucker.

Character arc complete! That's a wrap, bring it in folks.

For many Grif fans, though, it's a bit more complicated, as I laid out last season.

See, Joe thought Grif was cool, way cooler than stupid Tucker. But for all his determination to prove to us how cool Grif was by tearing Tucker down next to him… it seems like he didn't actually care very much about Grif's emotional core. That Grif is motivated when he wants to be, but that nothing will make him shut down and go full Bartleby on everyone's ass faster than feeling disrespected.

Instead Grif's inertia was just a problem that had to be solved by getting him motivated. How he was treated by those around him wasn't part of the equation and didn't matter. Joe didn't know how to make Grif a protagonist without tearing apart the core of who he was—and that ties back to Joe's difficulties with giving meaningful growth to established characters.

Joe misread Grif, and he misread the desire of Grif fans, and of Red Team fans generally, to see their faves in the lead. But I point back once again to that protagonist problem. Grif was, after Chorus, the right choice for the next protagonist among the core cast. A lot of fans saw that and they wanted a Red Team driven plot. But at the heart of that was a desire for Red Team character growth.

Season 16 technically was a Red Team driven plot, yes. But it missed the boat on character growth and missed it hard. Because Joe could see that Red Team was cool, but he missed the heart. He missed what makes Grif so compelling to fans in the first place.

So when Jason took over writing, I think he did set out to resolve Grif's arc—the arc that Joe believed he was setting up. If Grif's arc was about Grif hating effort, and then coming around to taking action, then his arc resolves with him facing down some truths in his own past about why he hates effort in the first place. I think when it comes to that tension, Jason's resolution to it was actually a bit more nuanced than Joe's setup, more clearly illustration what kind of effort and authority Grif hates and why.

It is a resolution.

But it's not a resolution to the tension that a lot of Grif fans felt was the more important one: the hate glue, Grif's relationship to his friends and how they, specifically, treat him. That's why to a lot of fans, Grif's arc doesn't feel resolved, where Donut's does.

I can both appreciate the effort that was made, and also feel that Grif's emotional arc is still incomplete.

I personally hope that Grif's not passed over for character development or even a protagonist role in future seasons, because I think Red Team fans kind of got monkey's pawed with his role in this trilogy. And if Donut is any indication, it's never too late to return to a neglected character and give them some much-needed resolution.

More like Do-nut!

Probably season 17's most smashing success is in proving that Donut can not only grow as a character, but carry a storyline.

Donut has been central to the Shisno arc since it began, but he had far less screentime in season 16, appearing more as a quest giver and briefly as a soft antagonist before ultimately choosing to side with his friends. Most critically, though, season 16 laid the groundwork to give Donut the necessary motivation and character growth to take the lead in this season. Whether that was originally intended or not, it works. In fact, I think I would have been quite disappointed if the setup for Donut's character development hadn't been paid off in this season, because if you read my season 16 essay you'll recall that I very much felt it wasn't paid off there.

Season 17 more than remedies this. In fact, functionally, when looking at this arc as a whole, I think it makes more sense to see Donut as the overarching protagonist. We could compare it to Wash in seasons 7 and 8. Wash isn't even seen until late season 7, and most of the season focuses on Red Team's antics, Tucker in the desert, and Epsilon's rebirth. Even Wash's return in Valhalla is shown from Simmons and Donut's point of view. But when we look back at Recollections as a whole, it's clearly a Wash-centric arc. Likewise, while Donut has less screen time in season 16, and the point of view is centered around the rest of the core cast and their adventures, it is ultimately Donut's actions that set the plot in motion, and it is Donut who has the first and most direct connection to the Cosmic Powers, via Chrovos.

So with the rest of our heroes now lost in time, the story re-centers around Donut's point of view. Plot-wise, I do think this was the right call. This plot centers more around Donut than any other character, Grif included, and having now made the choice to turn against Chrovos, Donut was the logical choice to carry us to the finish line. And that's not to cast aside other characters who may or may not have gotten the character development they needed, only to say, this is Donut's story and it was right that he got to finish it.

Donut works as a protagonist, and Donut also works here as Donut. A big part of the success of this season is not just putting Donut in the spotlight, but understanding who Donut is, looking for the unrealized potential in that, and letting Donut's own growth carry the story forward.

See, Donut's first primary character trait was being oblivious.

I know what you're thinking. "But Anne, isn't it the innuendo thing? Everybody knows that." Indeed. But go back and rewatch the Blood Gulch Chronicles, and you may notice that the accidental innuendo doesn't really develop for a season or two. One of the first things Donut does is fall for a classic military prank, walk into Blue Base thinking it’s the “store,” and buy the flag.

And the obliviousness never really goes away. It's still there in season 10 when Donut doesn't recognize Wash in his blue armor. It's arguably even there implicitly in season 12 when Donut and Wash are being held captive and Donut doesn't appear to notice or care that he's standing next to the man who shot him.

The obliviousness also goes hand in hand with a kind of benign self-absorption. We see this in Blood Gulch when Donut exclaims to a wounded Tucker, "You can't die! I'm bored! All these girls wanna talk about is chick stuff! And not the fun chick stuff, like ribbons and unicorns. Boring stuff, like oppression and a hostile work environment." We see it in season 7, when Donut thinks the Meta is a friend of Simmons', and gets indignant about not being introduced, completely missing the fact that the Meta is attacking them. We see it in season 11 when Donut and Doc fly all the way to Chorus to respond to the gang's distress call, and then send their ride away.

But the critical point is that when Donut gets his pink armor, the joke is that Donut doesn’t initially realize his armor is pink. And it's only over time that this joke morphs into "Donut is effeminate," and then into "everything Donut says is sexual." In the logic of the show's humor, pink = feminine = gay = hypersexual. Yeah, not so great when I lay it out like that, is it? But that's how we got from headlight fluid and Donut buying the Blue flag to where we are now.

And I bring this up, not to critique the poorly-aged humor from which the show has at least somewhat moved on, but to point out that innuendo is not all there is to Donut and it never has been. If it feels like it is, it's because Donut has undergone some Flanderization over the years, and most critically, since his return in season 10 he's had no character growth to challenge that characterization and no major role in the plot for which a writer might need to do so.

See, Donut being self-absorbed and oblivious to everything going on around him made him a character who never had to be taken seriously. If the Reds make fun of Donut, ignore him, and so forth, but Donut never really seems to notice or care, then it’s fine. If the others are dismissive of Donut's needs but he's also pretty dismissive of theirs in kind, it's fine. If Wash shot Donut, and Donut seems to hold like, a humorous kind of grudge again "that jerk Washington," but either doesn't notice or doesn't care that Wash is still around, then it's fine. It's fine. This is fine. It's fine! He's fine. This is fine. It's fine.

Well, except a lot of fans have been saying for years that maybe it's not fine. But narratively and tonally, it's not been framed as a problem that needed solving.

But the moment you have Donut express that he doesn’t like the way his friends treat him and it makes him feel bad—well, now you have tension. Now you have a conflict that needs to be resolved.

This is actually the root of my problem with season 13 Doc, which I brought up in my season 16 essay. Everyone forgetting about Doc in season 13, and Doc being upset about that, raises a conflict that is never resolved. His friends never do change or address the way they treat him, it's mostly treated as a joke, and it doesn't come up again in the Chorus arc. In fact that conflict returns in season 15, when Doc sides with the Blues and Reds—and I'll give Joe credit for that, he saw an unresolved thread and he ran with it. But we'll come back to Doc.

So Donut needed attention like this. In fact the development Donut gets is one of the things that does feel truly continuous with season 16. And while I remain discontented with Grif's incomplete arc, I can see clearly here the challenged faced by a writer picking up where 16 left off, and given only twelve episodes in which to wrap up a lot of threads. I think a season could've been made that gave both characters the resolution they needed. But it probably couldn't have been made in twelve episodes. Jason probably had to make some tough calls.

And I just can't bring myself to be sorry we got the Donut development we did, because it's so good.

I know some fans might be disappointed that Trollnut (the theory that Donut’s innuendos haven't been accidental and he’s been deliberately trolling everyone the whole time) is now explicitly not canon, at least not in the past. As funny as that interpretation was, I think the way Jason took it plays far better with Donut’s classic characterization: he's just kind of oblivious. Not just of what's going on around him, but of how he comes across to other people.

And with that as the starting point, I think the freshly-gained self-awareness works as character growth and is an effective way to propel Donut to a more active role in the story and begin to challenge and grow his relationships with the others. If there's anything that maybe gets a little lost in this take on Donut, it's that benign self-absorption, but I think even that might be implicitly acknowledged in Donut making a conscious attempt to work on the way he talks—becoming aware of how he's perceived, realizing that he's been making people uncomfortable without realizing it. I think it's a thread that could have been developed a touch more—Donut is not, after all, an innocent character who's never wronged anyone before this arc—but again, this season had limited space to do all it needed to, and I'm certainly not unhappy with what we did get.

There is an earnestness to Donut that I do not think is inconsistent with previous characterization but which comes through much more strongly in 16 and especially 17, and provides a believable foundation for serious motivations. And that earnestness dovetails nicely with his increasing self-awareness. It doesn't follow that he'll never be funny again—the innuendo does return in places once he's convinced the others to take him seriously where it matters, and I don't think we need to worry that Donut won't be recognizably Donut from here on out. But this season taps into a depth of sincerity and even vulnerability for Donut that we haven't seen before.

As a sidenote, I was actually relieved to hear Donut finally swear again when trying to get his friends' attention, as that's something that's been bugging me since last season. If you take a look at Donut's dialogue in the past, he swears plenty; it was Doc who would use softer euphemisms. I can only assume that Donut stopped cursing when he found God; maybe Chrovos doesn't like strong language or something. Hopefully that will go back to normal now that his connection with Chrovos is over.

Donut in this arc is a doer. Even in season 16, as an agent of Chrovos, he's doing what he thinks is right, and in 17, it's his actions that save the others—and ultimately challenge the way everyone else sees him.

The stakes of the plot may be nonsensical. But the stakes that matter to us, the fans, are those of character growth and character relationships, and it is there that season 17 vitally succeeds. Perhaps the real success here is that Donut's arc unites action and emotional resolution in a way Grif's arc did not. His resolving things with his friends—getting them to listen to him, hearing their apologies, coming around to maybe forgiving them—directly ties into his role in the plot, because he needs them to take him seriously to wake them up. Donut's plot motivation and his personal motivation can't be separated from one another, and they both find resolution in the end with Chrovos' defeat.

Most notably, Wash and Donut see a resolution to their history that has been a long time in coming.

If this season set out to prove that Donut could be a protagonist, I think it was a great success. It's a great example of how to grow a comedic character into a serious plot role without robbing them of who they are and why audiences love them.

Well done, sir. Chef's kiss.

The Wash Revival

Speaking of Wash, man, isn't it great to see Wash, like… doing stuff?

I wrote last year about how frustrating it was to see Wash basically treated like a crash dummy for two seasons, and season 17 remedies this with flying colors. When Donut rescues him from Schrödinger's Hypoxia, Wash becomes not only conscious but an active agent in the story. On a plot level, he works with Donut to wake up the others where they are adrift in the Everwhen; on a personal level, he finds meaningful resolution both with Donut and with Carolina.

I think Jason did a really brilliant job of using humor to highlight the absurdity of Wash and Donut's situation—with Donut getting shot over and over as they both keep inadvertently jumping to the same moment in time. That they become literally stuck in a loop they must break out of symbolizes the need for resolution between them.

Wash, at long last, not only takes real responsibility for his past actions but becomes a friend to Donut. More than a friend—Wash is both ally and advocate for Donut, standing up for him when the rest of his friends are still inclined to dismiss him. For the first time in a long time, Donut has someone in his corner. And so when he travels back to Blood Gulch to confront the others, he's not alone.

Wash's own journey through time mirrors Donuts struggle. We see Wash relive a moment in his past when he felt truly alone, with no one in his corner—Recovery One. We see Wash in the Freelancer era struggling to be taken seriously, and finally asking himself in exasperation, "Is this how Donut feels all the time?" It's a moment that builds empathy for Wash, and I think it also serves as a small but poignant way nod to the story of season 15. The Freelancer relates to the sim trooper—sees him as he is, a real person with feelings. This has been a part of Wash's journey for a long time, really ever since his adoption into Blue Team, highlighted by his sticking up for them in season 10 and again in his relationship with Tucker in season 11. But it was an unfinished journey, until Wash found that resolution with Donut specifically. It's really wonderful to see that finally happen.

It's great to see Wash finally taking an active role in the story again. But it's just as important that that action is about supporting Donut first and foremost, with Wash's character development as secondary. I've said before that you don't need to put the Freelancers in the spotlight to give them character development, they just need to be active in a supporting role, and Wash's relationship to Donut in season 17 does that incredibly well.

It would be easy to just stop there—I think Wash is for the most part handled very well this season. But I do want to talk about where this is going in the future, because the ending of season 17 indicates that things are about to change for Wash—though it's hard to say exactly how much.

The Follow-Through

I was not fond of the contrived conflict between Wash and Carolina in season 16, to say the least, but the portrayal of Wash's condition itself I thought was pretty decent. He hadn't lost any of his core personality, and it was pretty clear when and how his memory lapses were affecting him—repeating himself, forgetting how he got where he was, confusion and irritability due to that confusion, etc. While I had issues with the framing of the situation to put Carolina at fault, the effects of the cerebral hypoxia itself were not done badly, and I wasn't sorry to see Wash's injury have some real consequences given how little narrative purpose it served in season 15.

What we see of Wash in " Schrödingin'" before Donut wakes him up and snaps him back to his uninjured timeline… very much does not reflect the condition we saw in season 16. It doesn't indicate memory loss or confusion so much as just… uh, weirdness? And because it was also part of the general weirding of the timeline, I'm kind of willing to let that slide and assume it was purely for comedy and not meant to be of much consequence because Donut was about to snap him out of it anyway. That said, I really hope it is not representative of what we can expect for Wash going forward, and I think I am justified in feeling a bit of trepidation about that.

I think it needs to be kept in mind that Wash is an important character to a lot of fans. He's already seen some big ups and downs in terms of characterization and not all of it has sat well with fans, from the Freelancer characterization that makes Wash appear not just naive but clumsy and inept, to the Fan Guide interview that more or less directly contradicts that naivety, to his extremely passive role in the past two seasons. One can bring up continuity in this context, but it's not simply about whether you can explain away these wild swings in characterization. I've said it before, I'll say it again: you can make up an explanation for just about anything if you're creative. Fans do it all the time. I do it myself. And it's also to be expected that longtime fans will be resistant to new canon that challenges their interpretations of characters they love.

But what fans really want, I think, is for the heart of the character to stay intact.

And as the character who introduced RvB's first serious storyline, Wash should not start behaving like, say, Caboose (whom I bring up because he is the other character who canonically has brain damage). We already have a Caboose. Wash is Wash. And he can be Wash even while dealing with a serious injury. I want to be very clear here that this isn't me saying Wash can't be funny, or that there shouldn't be humor around him managing his condition. I'll point back to what I said above about Donut getting repeatedly shot—it's a great example of how humor can be used to approach a serious problem.

I'm just saying: let Wash continue to be Wash. After all, that is the point of what he says to Carolina, right? He's not dying. He's not even going away. He'll still be Wash. He's just going to have some memory problems—and it's not exactly like Wash hasn't dealt with things like that before. Furthermore, I think realistically he's going to have a much easier time dealing with it when his friends know and can support him.

Wash has undergone one of the longest and most complex character arcs on this show, and one critical part of that arc only just saw resolution, so to then turn Wash into a character who is too goofy to be taken seriously or to have active agency in the story would be… a huge mistake. That doesn't have to happen. And it shouldn't.

I'll admit I'm apprehensive, but I think this can be done well.

You're My Best Friend

You may recall last year I was very pessimistic about Wash and Carolina getting resolution. And I don't think that fear was unwarranted, based on the precedent set by Joe's writing. But Jason more than surpassed my expectations.

We're going to be talking about Carolina here, so full disclosure for anyone to whom it wasn't already extremely obvious: Carolina's my favorite character. Not my favorite character in RvB, my favorite character in anything. I can't remove that bias but I can acknowledge it. Her arc has always resonated with me a lot and her relationship with Wash has always been important to me as well, both for the ways in which they mirror one another and the ways in which they are very different.

So when I say that, for example, it's tough to hear Wash be angry at Carolina, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing that he is. Given the circumstances, his anger is reasonable. It's easier on a rewatch, knowing the resolution is coming.

And actually one of my favorite lines this season comes when Wash is very much still angry at Carolina—when he says, "When you get injured and your best friend lies to you, makes you into a secret invalid, I'll hear you out, I promise. …Friends talk to each other. They trust each other. I thought we were closer than that." He's mad at Carolina because he cares so much about their relationship, because he thinks of her as the person he's closest to, and she kept something important from him and he doesn't understand why. And I think that's really the best reframing of this situation we could possibly get, without retconning it altogether.

Donut points out to Wash the lengths to which Carolina was willing to go to help him despite her mistakes. But I think what really gets through to Wash is his own time travel experiences, and the perspective he gains through seeing Carolina at different points in her life.

The Freelancer-era bit is… rocky, and we'll come back to why. For now suffice it to say that while Carolina ignoring Wash in an almost comically-dismissive manner does further the development of Wash's relationship with Donut, it doesn't particularly reflect Wash's relationship with Carolina at any point we ever saw in Freelancer. Put a pin in it.

The critical point is when Wash finds Carolina during her missing years.

This is, arguably, Carolina at her lowest point. Lower than the time after CT's death, lower than present-day season 10, which I've argued before should probably be seen as a step up from her years in hiding, in the broader context of her whole journey. Carolina is alone—working under a false identity, in a generic suit of armor (which I'm well aware was a choice made due to Halo 2 limitations but it's also brilliant, for reasons we'll get into later). When Wash finds her, she is alone at her post. From what her CO says, she is an oddity in her unit and probably doesn't have many friends if any. Even the weapon she's holding, a sniper rifle, speaks of solitude and distance.

Carolina has no one in her corner right now.

There's the parallel to Donut, and to Wash.

And though she responds with anger and suspicion—unsurprising, given the circumstances—Wash responds with compassion.

It's really significant here what Wash goes through just to find out where Carolina was. It means that in all the time they've been together since Freelancer, she never once told him and he never once asked. And that right there—the absence of that knowledge shared between them, tells us far more about these characters, about their relationship, about Wash and about Carolina individually, than any implied backfill that Wash just already knew would have done.

And notice that when Wash does ask Carolina, on Iris… she just tells him. Like she's perfectly okay with him knowing, and maybe would have been, even before that. But it just never came up. Wash probably never wanted to pry, Carolina doesn't volunteer painful things about herself, and neither of them are good with… emotional stuff.

Oddly enough, it's this, this small meaningful exchange on their vacation moon, that makes me almost kind of okay with their season 16 subplot, in the hindsight of their reconciliation. Because it serves to highlight what was still missing from Wash and Carolina's relationship. They've built teamwork, trust, and a genuine friendship in their time together since Carolina's return. They're both part of this odd little family called the Reds and Blues; both of them would absolutely go to the wall to protect this family and one another. That much has been clear since Chorus.

But they never really talked. Not about their shared history, their feelings. Not about the elephant in the room, Epsilon, the AI they both knew in sharply different ways. The difficult things. Their season 15 conversation touched their history, briefly, but didn't go much further than York.

So when something happened where they really, badly needed to talk, Carolina just… didn't. She stayed faithfully by Wash's side during his recovery—kept him company, helped him get his strength back, all the things that didn't require difficult conversations—and she hoped that would be enough. It wasn't.

I do still think it was unfair, from a meta standpoint, to create a conflict between them specifically to be all Carolina's fault, because we know from history that Wash isn't much better at talking about difficult things than Carolina is, and a conflict arising from a genuine misunderstanding between the two of them would have made this point a lot more effectively. But I can appreciate the point all the same.

And going forward, it seems like Wash and Carolina's friendship has ultimately been strengthened by this. Not just by Carolina's apology or their reconciliation, but by Wash gaining a deeper insight into everything she's been through. And this sympathy is especially meaningful coming from Wash, who's been through a lot himself, and generally garners a lot more sympathy from fans.

Your life, Carolina. You've survived things that would've broken me. Broken anyone. Do you even know how far you've come? Carolina, you are so cool. I am so proud of you. I'm always gonna be your friend.

For a subplot that started out as my absolute least favorite thing in season 16, this sure did wrap up as my favorite part of 17, and that says a lot. I can't overstate how grateful I am for it.

And speaking of things I'm grateful for.

The Lost Years: What This Season Adds

It will come as no surprise to my regular readers that I've always had sort of a fascination with what I call Carolina's Lost Years—where she went, what she was doing, what her emotional state was, who if anyone knew that she was alive, what made her decide to come back, etc. And until this season, it was kind of up to us as fans to fill in that huge blank space in her backstory.

That's seven solid years of headcanons you're facing down. There's an inherent risk in adding backfill this late in the game.

I want to be clear that new canon not lining up with fans' headcanons does not mean that the new canon is bad. Sure, it might be risky to tackle something that's been left open-ended for so long, but that doesn't in itself mean it should never be done, or that it's automatically wrong if it doesn't line up with fanon. Sometimes writers do fumble on these things (lookin' at you, Fan Guide Wash!); sometimes fans have gotten so entrenched in their own headcanons that they respond with not only disappointment but anger to new canon that challenges their interpretations. And we should be honest with ourselves that there isn't always a clear line separating the one from the other—just look at the controversies around Star Wars. (Please don't ask me what I think about Star Wars; thanks in advance.)

Similarly, the challenge for a longtime fan who has spent a lot of time thinking about these characters and their stories, interpreting them, writing about them, theorizing, and so forth, is to remain open to new canon that might challenge one's interpretations without necessarily being bad writing or a retcon. And I will be the first to admit, this can be really hard. For the split second I thought Sharkface might be Maine in the Prologue to season 13, I had several small heart attacks, and I was very relieved when he wasn't.

So when I saw signs that we were about to get a canon glimpse of Carolina's lost years, I definitely braced myself more than a little.

It didn't precisely line up with my headcanons, no.

And I liked it. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more it felt perfect.

Having Carolina re-enlist under a new identity was probably at least partly a practical decision, as it provides an in-universe reason for her to still be wearing armor, but in the Halo 2 engine, where the distinctive helmets of the later games don't yet exist. It would've made it easy to choose a setting, since any vaguely-military looking map will do, and can be populated with other generic soldiers. Really, given the medium, the obvious choice would've been either to have Carolina re-enlisted or to have her doing mercenary work, and I think you could easily make either one work. But I think her returning to military service works best, for many reasons.

To re-enlist, Carolina probably had to start from the bottom—no record, no rank. Before Freelancer she could have been an officer for all we know; now she's a rank and file soldier. No status, no elite special ops program, no leaderboard. Just a straightforward military assignment.

Imagine being Carolina, on the run from the disastrous program that was Project Freelancer—a program that was supposed to save humanity, so you gave it, and more importantly your father, the man in charge of it, every benefit of the doubt. Every nonstandard oddity, even things that might have seemed wrong or counterproductive or unfair or unethical, you gritted your teeth and swallowed, and you told yourself it was for the greater good.

After it all came crashing down around you, you created a new identity and re-enlisted. Somewhere quiet, where you could fly under the radar.

And suddenly, you remembered what real military was like.

I'm by no means saying that military culture generally or the UNSC in specific don't have Problems, but getting herself back into a regular outfit might have started to put in perspective just how off the wall Freelancer really was, and that's the kind of revelation that could lead Carolina to put more of the pieces together.

Plus, as a soldier she'd have access to, at the very least, more information channels than the average civilian—she even says she did it in part to have access to military intel, and with her Freelancer experience, she might well have able to get more information through backdoor channels. It makes sense that from that position she might not know everything, like what happened to York, but she might have bits and pieces of information like Wash being with the Recovery force. And at some point, she must have either learned or figured out what the Director was doing with Alpha, because Wash seems to presume she already knows, and she does not correct him.

(She doesn't still have her adaptive camo, though—sorry Jason, that one actually is a continuity error. The Meta took that; we see them use it throughout Reconstruction.)

You've survived things that would've broken me, Wash tells her. And I think that's what's so meaningful about all of this to me: the picture we get of Carolina, in the darkest period of her life, surviving. She's lost everything—her family, her friends, her career. But she keeps moving. Puts herself back in a position where she might be able to do something good for humanity, even if that wasn't her primary motivation at the time. She doesn't become a mercenary, or simply disappear. She stays a soldier, in the only way she can.

I also find something deeply poignant about the fact that Carolina kept her old Freelancer armor in storage. She could have sold it, destroyed it, thrown it out an airlock—but she kept it, hidden away somewhere.

Maybe because she knew, deep down, that one day she would be Agent Carolina again.

No Regular Girls: Why RvB Needs to Stop Punishing Carolina

I just wrote a whole bunch about why I think Carolina and Wash's resolution is great and how it even kind of redeemed that subplot for me in a way I didn't think was possible. I just wrote about how much I love the backfill for Carolina's lost years. And those are certainly not the last positive things I have to say about this season, so I hope that will temper what I'm about to say, because I'm about to get critical—and critical about a character who is very near and dear to my heart.

Season 17 is, on the whole, very sympathetic to Carolina, and I don't want what I'm about to say to diminish that. But this is what we do here at anneapocalypse dot wherever you're reading this—we get into the weeds and deconstruct the framing around characters.

So into the weeds we go. And to contextualize all of this, we need to go back a ways, so strap in.

Carolina's writing has always had it rough. She was introduced during what I would call, within RvB, the Golden Age of Animation and the Dark Age of Storytelling. The Freelancer seasons are jam-packed with action sequences and retcons, and confusingly lacking in exposition and consistent characterization. Part of the reason interpretations of Freelancer characters vary so widely is that big chunks of the story—including, incredibly, who the antagonists actually are—are just missing from these seasons, leaving fans to fill in the blanks in wildly varying ways.

Even Wash's writing suffers during this time period, giving him an extremely passive role in the plot and characterization completely subject to the whims of it. (Ever notice how season 10 Wash mysteriously develops a fear of heights that wasn't there in season 9?) But Carolina in many ways gets the worst of it, thanks to two factors that are in direct conflict with one another:

She's supposed to be the protagonist.

She's the Director's daughter, which isn't supposed to be revealed until the very end, so her point of view has to be extremely limited, leaving her motivations unclear to most viewers for the entire arc.

To make matters worse, because the narrative actively avoids Carolina's point of view for so much of the Freelancer arc, she ends up being repeatedly framed by the way other characters talk about her, rather than by her own motives or even simply her actions. I wrote a whole thing about this with regard to the Sarcophagus mission specifically, in which Carolina is framed as being in the wrong for the way she completes the mission—despite the fact that, in context, all of her actions pretty much square up. And unless you're a nerd like me, obsessed with cutting through the framing to get at the raw text—it's the framing that sticks. She really wants to win. Who cares who gets it first? I guess the leaderboard beckons.

All the words of other characters, which most of the audience will nonetheless take at face value.

But there's more to this than just Carolina. It began with Tex, and it becomes very pronounced in the Freelancer seasons: this pattern of creating strong, assertive, even aggressive female characters and then finding some way to justify why they're going to be punished for being strong.

You know that John Berger quote about vanity? @tuckerfuckingdidit reminded me of it in this context, and I was struck by its appropriateness:

You painted a naked woman because you enjoyed looking at her, put a mirror in her hand and you called the painting “Vanity,” thus morally condemning the woman whose nakedness you had depicted for your own pleasure.

You wrote a female character who was an asskicking badass because you thought it was hot. You put other characters around her and made them call her "mean," thus morally condemning the woman whose badassery you had depicted for your own pleasure.

So Tex has always been a rotten bitch. (Was she, though?) South was a backstabber who rarely worked in a direct fashion. (Didn't she, though?) CT betrayed her team for some Innie dick because she was bitter about her ranking. (Or did she?) And one by one, they die. Tex even gets to die twice.

Carolina only cared about winning, and now she's screaming on the training room floor. Carolina didn't listen to York, whom she should have just known was right whether he explained what he was doing or not. Carolina just had to fight Tex, Carolina wouldn't give up her AI, and now she's getting thrown off a cliff. She made her bed; now let her lie in it.

See, she was too strong, too competent, too driven, too dedicated to her work. She cared too much. Please pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, or the man sitting at number three on the leaderboard but it's fine because he definitely doesn't care as much and that's what matters. Carolina cared too much, she was too good, and that was wrong, always wrong, definitely wrong, and also she was a bitch.

Because Burnie said she was ambitious! And Burnie is an honorable man.

But hey, fans will sympathize with her now, right—now that we know the true nature of her relationship to the Director? Isn't she more likable now that she's been taken down a few pegs, now that she's sorry she didn't listen to York about all the things he never actually told her? Isn't it good how she feels bad for not throwing away her career to run away with him and have babies?

The thing is, for the fans who were already determined to hate her, none of that made her any more likable. And for the fans who liked her, even related to her arc, the framing of her as always wrong about everything was kind of a constant slap in the face.

Following season 10, Carolina disappeared, and it was unclear at the time if she would ever be returning, until the teaser at the end of season 11. She showed up halfway through season 12 to rescue the Reds and Blues and get stabbed in the leg, and from there she settled into a pretty passive role for the remainder of the season, mostly carting Epsilon around and standing there silent while he was mean to his friends.

At that point, I kinda figured, well, okay, this is how it's gonna be.

It wasn't as though Chorus hadn't also given us some great new developments with regard to female characters. We got Katie Jensen and Emily Grey, both female comedic characters, something the show had been pointedly lacking since Kaikaina was last seen in season 6. And we got Vanessa Kimball, a war-weary rebel leader who broke the mold in a variety of ways: she was a serious, grounded character, but not a hypercompetent hardass (even if some fans seem determined to portray her that way… ahem)—just a kind, principled woman doing her best in dire circumstances. As for Carolina, I figured, at least she's still here, so… yeah, I'll take what I can get.

Then season 13 happened.

And it turned out Miles Luna had been listening to the Carolina fans' disappointment with her role in season 12.

So he not only raised the stakes and beefed up the antagonists—he gave Carolina a subplot. A mini-arc with an old antagonist from the Freelancer days, who forces Carolina to confront not only her guilt about Project Freelancer, but also her sheer terror of losing her team all over again. As @epsilontucker so aptly put it once, "He tells Carolina the things she tells herself. I killed my team. I'll burn for what I did." Sharkface serves as a foil through which Carolina confronts her own past:

I'm sorry. You were on one side of the fight and we were on the other. We thought we were the good guys. I'm sorry.

Please note here that Carolina both takes responsibility for what she was a part of in Freelancer and expresses genuine remorse, while still acknowledging what was beyond her knowledge and control.

I'm not saying season 13 was flawless and beyond criticism. I actually think Carolina's mini-arc might have been even more meaningful if Sharkface had lived, and I think given his justified grievances he was much better set up for a redemption arc than Locus was. Carolina's subplot still serves to continue her isolation from the Reds and Blues, and when she calls them her "family" it's kind of a case of telling and not showing. Nevertheless, what is there works, and it gives Carolina's main arc a kind of resolution that season 10 did not. Miles cared about understanding Carolina and giving her real character development, and that shows.

Season 13 meant a lot to me. It still does.

Unfortunately, season 13 wasn't a turning point. It was an outlier.

Temple was a good idea. While the role of our Reds and Blues in Project Freelancer had been addressed in the past, even giving Sarge a huge existential crisis and some really neat character growth in season 8, the perspective of other sim troopers was a fresh addition to the story. The prototype concept is kind of a mess, and in my opinion makes the rest of the Blues and Reds really boring, but Temple himself and his grievance against the Freelancers, I think really works.

The fumble, in my opinion, was making Carolina the one involved in Biff's death.

Because we already had that story with Sharkface. (And while some have suggested it could be Wash, I don't think that'd be ideal either, because we already had one unresolved "Wash shot a sim trooper" situation going.)

And yes, there are differences between the two stories. But doing another "Carolina's past comes back to haunt her" storyline so soon after Sharkface was a mistake. That proximity to season 13, plus the over-the-top callousness with which Carolina is portrayed in the flashback, is actually a distraction from the larger question of how Project Freelancer treated sim troopers generally—and there are a variety of hints throughout the years that sim trooper deaths were horrifyingly common and accepted, from FILSS's "Oh, that would be wonderful! What a successful test," in season 8, to the Fan Guide anecdote about Agent Alabama at Rat's Nest. Like, this was a thing that happened. A lot. And some incidents were probably a lot less accidental than what happened at Desert Gulch.

But it comes back to that framing thing again. You make it Carolina, and what the audience takes from it is not a statement about the many war crimes of Leonard Church, but a statement about how Carolina, specifically, is mean. And in this case, she doesn't get any character growth from it. She doesn't even get to hear why Temple hates her.

She just gets tortured.

Joe does have that problem where he likes references… a little too much. To the point of cannibalizing past beats from the very show he's writing, without an understanding of what made them good in the first place.

Because the fans liked it when Carolina felt bad about something in season 13, so they'll like her feeling bad again! Don't worry, we'll make sure to keep reminding you, season after season, how sorry she is. Maybe we'll even invent some new past sins for her, and punish her with some literal torture, to make sure she feels extra bad. Has she done anything wrong recently, that she can feel bad about? Make sure she does something new wrong, so she can be sad about it.

Season 16 was a rough time, man.

And then 17 arrived, and began to set things right.

As I said in the two previous sections, the Carolina and Wash portions of season 17 do Carolina very, very right. The backfill for her lost years works incredibly well.

Then we come to the Labyrinth… where Carolina is literally beating herself up.

Oh no.

The House of Mirrors

So, the premise of the Labyrinth is that it works as kind of a house of mirrors, reflecting the worst of its victim's emotions—fears, desires, insecurities, basically whatever will do the most damage—back at them in increasingly distorted ways until it drives them to suicide.

The first thing you might notice about this is that we're kind of back to torture again—it's just psychological torture instead of physical. And the second thing is that this is pretty much the same type of plot device as the True Warrior test in season 13. I'm not a huge fan of this kind of thing in general, but there is one notable exception between the two:

The True Warrior test simply showed the characters something they were afraid of. It showed them something true about themselves, and for Carolina and Locus in particularly this serves as a vehicle for character development.

The Labyrinth, by contrast, takes something true and twists it.

And I do want to point out that even so, every other vision we see in the Labyrinth is framed as being based on something real, amplified though it may be. Kaikaina's guilt over the fire in her childhood home, based on her conversation with her brother, appears to be both a real event and a real feeling she had. Grif's Coach Prestwood seems to be based on a real person in his life, and the emotions he evokes are certainly meant to be real. Tucker's fear of failure rings true, as does Wash's fear of losing his friends. Even Sarge's conflicting desires for both victory and ongoing conflict seems to come from a real place. All of that is the context from which we must approach Carolina's experience in the Labyrinth.

I've noticed it's only with Carolina that active distortion is needed as an explanation for what she experiences. Apparently it's only Carolina who has a self-image so distorted that the past self she confronts in no way resembles who she actually was.

Because no, it doesn't.

Let's unpack the way this scene characterizes Freelancer-era Carolina.

“I feel so much rage when I look at you,” Carolina says to her past self. “You know that? You prioritize yourself over everything. You’re going to get people killed. Heck, you’re going to kill people. And they won’t always deserve it. Dad won’t love you more if you keep winning. He can’t. He died when Mom died. And you’ll bury him. Your competitive streak stops. I’m demanding it.”

“Oh,” says past Carolina, “you’re done? Okay. You got pretty talkative! No need for the lecture. I can read your whole shitty life from your whiny tone of voice.”

“Oh, you think you’re so—”

“Directionless? Scared? No. No, actually I—” Past Carolina laughs viciously. “I feel great. Weird to hear all that from you, though. Let me unpack this. You’ve now tasted defeat, I’m assuming, and you were—aw, sad? For a while?” Her tone grows taunting. “And you want people around as crutches in case you trip again. When have I ever—think about it!—ever allied with someone I didn’t need? A friend in a high place. A bolt hole. A wing man. To forget how to utilize people is to forget yourself. Forget me. And frankly, that’d be damning enough, but you went further. Carolina, you stripped away what comes without thought. What’s instinctual. Your passion. What greater betrayal is there? You’re not you anymore.”

Hoo boy. Okay. Let's try and unpack this.

It’s worth noting that it’s present Carolina who immediately goes on the offensive here, spitting venom at the image of her past self before that image has even spoken. And the things she says… “You’re going to get people killed. You’re going to kill people.”

So what is she talking about? Who did Carolina get killed by being competitive? Who did she kill?

If she’s talking about enemy targets that weren’t who she believed they were… I mean, yeah, they didn’t deserve it, but Carolina was acting as a soldier under orders and her being less competitive wouldn’t make those any less her orders.

Is she talking about the other Freelancers? Because… Carolina didn’t get them killed. North, South, York, Wyoming, Florida—none of them were killed by or because of Carolina’s competitiveness. The only one you could really ascribe to her actions is Maine, and there is a case to be made that Carolina gave up Sigma as much to prove she didn’t need an AI as to help Maine after his injury—but that act was based on such incomplete knowledge that to call it a direct result of Carolina’s competitiveness is a stretch. Furthermore, this argument always seems to ignore the fact that if Maine hadn’t gotten Sigma, someone else would have, and while we don’t know how Sigma might have behaved with a different host, it’s hard to imagine it ending well regardless.

Are we talking about Biff? Because… we’ve been over this, but Carolina didn’t kill Biff, and Biff also didn’t die because Carolina was competitive. Biff’s death was an accident; even Tex, who threw the flagpole Carolina deflected, wasn’t intentionally aiming at Biff, though it does seem like she (or someone else inside that helmet, more likely) must have realized she was throwing it with lethal force. Had Carolina been less determined to win that particular match, there’s no reason to assume Tex (or Omega) would’ve dialed back the aggression. And as we've covered already, sim trooper deaths were far from uncommon in Project Freelancer, and something not one of the agents, not even Good Guy Do the Right Thing York, are ever shown objecting to.

Let’s look at what "past" Carolina says about herself.

“When have I ever—think about it!—ever allied with someone I didn’t need?”

CT.

You know, that person everyone forgets about when they’re trying to make a case for Carolina being purely self-serving.

I wrote about this one a long time, ago, but for a refresher: the first time we ever see Carolina question the Director’s orders is when he says that CT is an “acceptable loss.” Carolina embarks on that mission with full intent to disregard that order and try to bring CT in alive, despite that fact that doing so will be far more difficult and offers her no personal gain whatsoever and in fact results in her failing the mission. And while Carolina’s motives in the briefing with the Director may be subtle, her intent on the mission itself is not. The first thing she does upon catching up to Tex is to remind her that they only need the armor. And when she tries to pull Tex back from the killing blow, she explicitly, verbally, objects to Tex killing CT, and even knowing that they have failed the mission and that she will take the blame, Carolina still chastises Tex for what she’s done. This is not just subtext. This is text.

And this is not the only instance of Carolina caring about her teammates. Look at the haste with which she calls for medics when York is injured in training (York who is, by the way, only one spot below her on the board and arguably her closest competition before Tex). There's the offer on the Sarcophagus mission to come to Team B’s aid instead of going after their objective, the “No!” she screams out when Maine gets shot.

None of these are the behaviors of a person who is only out for herself at everyone else’s expense.

Freelancer Carolina is not a ruthless lone wolf who disregards her teammates except when they can benefit her.

This ain't it.

Even if we hadn't already beaten the horse to death with regard to Carolina's Past, this image of her past self is so hideously warped that it's not a meaningful confrontation of that past.

And even if we assume that Carolina is the outlier and accept the "it's bad on purpose" explanation—what does this mean? What truth about Carolina is this based on? Is it just her self-hatred? Because Carolina might have had this kind of warped self-image back in Freelancer—in fact she probably did—but now? We've already seen, multiple times, that she can separate what she was responsible for from what she had no control over. We saw it with Sharkface. We saw it all the way back in season 10, when even in the midst of her profound regret over what happened to Maine and York and the rest of her team, she was still able to see who was truly responsible: the Director.

Is it the fear that she's lost some essential part of herself? Because that hasn't come up even once in this trilogy.

You know what the Labyrinth could have addressed, something that would be relevant to Carolina's arc in this trilogy and to the plot as a whole, and dovetail nicely with the really excellent character growth she gets elsewhere in this season? The fear of opening up and talking through difficult emotions that led to her unintentionally hurting Wash and temporarily drove a rift between them. That's something that would relate deeply to Carolina's recent struggles, and with her friends coming to her aid and her allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of them, it could symbolize her overcoming those struggles.

Instead, we got to see Carolina once again being punished for Freelancer.

This ain't it.

The Freelancer Problem

And if it hadn't been for the Labyrinth—honestly, I probably wouldn't have squinted too hard at the Freelancer-era bits of time travel. The way Carolina repeatedly blows off Wash might have felt a little on the nose, sure, but you know, I could accept the point it was trying to make and the purpose it served for Wash and Donut, and that it was ultimately being played for comedy, and also playing much more off the tone of "The Triplets" from season 14 rather than the tone of seasons 9 and 10. I think that latter point is important, because that's part of what makes this bit feel just a little bit off, even when you can't put your finger on why.

But the Labyrinth happened, and it left a really bad taste in my mouth, such that it was difficult to even rewatch season 17 for a while despite how much of it I liked, and when I did finally rewatch it, well. It case those scenes in a bit of a new light. So squint I shall.

So, okay, back in Freelancer, maybe Carolina liked and trusted her team, but she wasn't close to them as friends, though. She didn't socialize with them outside of missions and training, and she didn't see any reason to speak to them outside of a mission context. That tracks, right?

Does it, though? Does it really?

I don't want to dwell too much on Carolina and York, because the canon itself has always been kind of confused about what the nature of their relationship actual was, which I have discussed at length, repeatedly. But it is at least implied that York and Carolina had some kind of social relationship, and that alone means Carolina wasn't opposed to that kind of relationship with her teammates on principle.

But maybe she was only friendly with York? But—no, Carolina engages in friendly banter during missions with other teammates as well. Her chatter with Niner is consistently friendly, something that carries even into the season 15 flashback. And in season 10 we even see Carolina teasing Wash himself.

Maybe Carolina preferred only to socialize with agents of a certain status. Their elite pilot, York, maybe a few other high-ranking agents. But no, back in season 15 we were told that Carolina used to go out drinking with York and his buddies who included lower-ranking agents, people who weren't even on the leaderboard and certainly lower-ranked than Wash.

But okay, maybe it's just Wash Carolina didn't like. Maybe that teasing isn't so friendly. Maybe Freelancer was just like high school, and Carolina was the Mean Girl snubbing the guy most recently moved up to her squad.

Back up the fun bus.

If anyone treated Wash like shit in Freelancer—particularly in season 10—it was York, and to a lesser extent North. York picks on Wash constantly throughout season 10, and initially Wash mostly seems to snark back, but by late in the season York's comments are making Wash visibly deflate.

York who is here calling Wash "buddy." And this scene is in the season 10 era. It has to be because Maine has the Brute shot. The series of jump-cuts that follow kind of imply that Wash jumps around to different points in Freelancer, but this point, where York, Wyoming, and Maine walk by and Wash stops York to talk to him, is unmistakably season 10.

Squint.

North also picks on Wash in this scene, and that much tracks, though it is interesting that he gangs up with South, not with York, making this probably the most unity the twins have during this time period.

But the other characters' appearances are brief and therefore of less consequence. It's Carolina who ramifies here because it is Carolina who is a part of this story, and whose Freelancer-era characterization is an issue elsewhere. And in that light, her dismissals of Wash feel more suspect. It sounds as though Jen's been directed to sound, not exhausted and frustrated as she actually would have been during season 10, but smug and snobbish. Like she thinks she's too good for Wash. Because, you know, high school.

I point back the fact that as recently as season 15, we had a photo of Carolina while in Freelancer, gone out drinking with lower-ranking agents, but in 17 I'm supposed to believe she wouldn't even talk to a member of her own team. I realize we're talking about different writers here, and I actually found that photo a little weird myself, for other reasons which I covered in the season 15 essay. In the context of the Time Travel Trilogy as a whole, though, all this just adds a certain incoherence to Carolina's characterization—like with Tucker in season 16, it feels like trying to have it all ways. Carolina was social with other Freelancers when it's convenient for the plot and exposition we need to set up, but when it makes for angst material, well, she was a total standoffish bitch actually. This is less the fault of either writer individually, and more a fault in the trilogy itself and its lack of focus, generally and specific to Carolina.

But I bring this up to point out that you don't even have to go all the way back to season 10 to see examples of Carolina's relationship to her team that do not square up with her being a snob who wouldn't even speak to a team member outside of a mission context.

Though if you're going to comment so heavily on seasons 9 and 10… giving her characterization in those seasons a closer look definitely would not be amiss.

Here's something else Carolina said in season 10, something I would expect Miles (who wrote episode 5) in particular to remember:

It's because I had a team once. A team with the best training, the best equipment—and despite everything that they had that made them the best, they still lied, and stole, and tore each other to pieces. So you tell me--how the hell am I supposed to trust a ragtag team of idiots, when I couldn't even trust the people who were closest to me?

The people who were closest to me. Those were the Freelancers. That was Carolina's team. That's canon, baby. No, Carolina definitely didn't make it easy to get close to her but she did trust her team at one point and she did care about them and this is a hill I will die on. That's why it hurt her so much when it all fell apart: Freelancer, the Director, broke her trust in other people. That's why it takes her so long to trust anyone again.

There's a lot of great Carolina in this season, but the Freelancer-related stuff misses the mark on a lot of levels.

What Did You Just Call Me?

So, let's talk about Real Names.

A lot of us have enjoyed the Four Seven Niner cameos in recent seasons, myself included because she's a great character and we miss her. I am however going to use her to point out the pattern in this arc of using Real Names where there is no in-universe reason to do so.

Way back in season 6, we learn that Wash's first name is David when the Director addresses him as such over a speaker during the break-in at Command. The Director adds, "May I call you David?" to which Wash replies tersely, "No, you cannot. You gave me my new name; the least you can do is use it." Fine. Good. This works both in-universe and in what it telegraphs to the audience. Of course the Director knows Wash's real name, but the critical thing is that he's trying to use it to presume familiarity, to disarm Wash and to assert power over him. Wash sees this for exactly what it is and responds in kind. The Director may know a lot about Wash, but that does not mean he gets to act like they're friends. Please note that this scene tells us nothing about how Wash feels about his real name generally. It tells us about his relationship with the Director and that is the point. This is good use of a real name and good storytelling.

Wash's real name is not used at all during the Freelancer seasons, nor during the Chorus Trilogy (with I think the exception of Locus's stalker diary, but that's bonus content, and it's information it makes sense for Locus to have). Fast-forward to season 14, "The Triplets," and we see Wash called David for the first time since season 6—this time by Agent Ohio, in a glimpse of Project Freelancer pre-season 9. This time, Wash responds with, "Just... don't call me "David", okay? This unit takes that kind of stuff pretty seriously." Here, again, through the use of the name we learn some things. Wash was at one point familiar enough with Ohio, Idaho, and Iowa for them to know his first name. It's possible the lower-ranking agents are less careful about these things, but it's also implied that Wash and the Triplets were friends before he moved up the ranks.

In the following episode, "The Mission," we learn the real names of the Triplets: Ohio is Vera, Idaho is Ezra, and Iowa is Mike. It's clear Shannon wanted to establish real names for them in the limited time we would have would them, but their use is still justified by its context: Idaho's feelings have been hurt, and he uses first names to shift to a more familiar tone with Ohio and talk things out. He also asks her if it's okay to call her Vera, and I like this because it noticeably mirrors the Director's question to Wash in season 6, while conveying something completely different about the characters. Where the Director sought to presume familiarity as a means of controlling Wash, Ezra offers familiarity as a way of reaching out to his friend.

Fast forward to season 15 and Wash and Carolina on the beach. We're going to set aside everything else that's weird about this conversation, and just focus on Carolina's "Do you really believe that, David?"

It is not impossible that Carolina knows Wash's first name. I mean, it's a little weird, because season 14 explicitly made the point that the higher-ranking Freelancers are much more diligent about sticking to codenames, and it's pretty clear in season 10 that Carolina didn't have access to the detailed information about the inner workings of the program. But since Wash's name was floating around the lower squads, maybe she heard it at some point. Maybe she was able to dig up records while on the run. Maybe Wash simply told her his real name offscreen at some point between season 10 and now. Like I said, it's not impossible. Moreover, she uses it in an appropriate context. This is an intimate, emotional conversation between two close friends, and Carolina signals that by using Wash's rarely-used real name. Fine. I accept that.

Also in season 15: Kaikaina Grif's real name is used onscreen for the first time in the show's history. This is not only appropriate but long overdue, and coming from Dylan Andrews, a reporter, it makes perfect sense. Great name drop. Feels good. Feels organic. Thank you. (That said, it is a little weird, come season 16, when Tucker waffles back and forth between calling her "K" and calling her "Sister"… almost as if perhaps a lead writer and a co-writer never got on the same page about that.)

Then, at the climax of season 16: Carolina says, "David's hurt. We have to go."

So, the appropriate response from pretty much everyone else onscreen was, "Who?"

There is no reason to assume the Reds and Blues know Wash's real name. He has been "Wash" the entire time they've known him. The one exception might be Simmons, who actually read the personnel files they found at the Offsite Storage Facility. But none of these people think of Wash as "David." Again, is it impossible? No, of course not, because you can always make up something happening offscreen to explain it. But based on what we've actually seen, it is not well set up that most of the Reds and Blues would even know the name, nor is there any reason for Carolina to think they would. Even Carolina herself has only used the name once, and in a very private context. So this just doesn't track. It's supposed to make us feel something, but the logic doesn't connect, and for me, it ends up being distracting more than anything else.

Part of the reason I think this feels so weird with regard to Wash, specifically, is that we just don't know the real names of many of the Freelancers, period. And that's kind of fine? Because in most cases we do not need to know. Yeah, it is sort of implied in Out of Mind that the Freelancers knew each other's real names, but so much of the early miniseries canon has been retconned away that I don't consider that particularly relevant now. We don't know York's real name. We don't know North's, or South's, or CT's. And we don't know Carolina's.

But we do know Wash's, and he's still alive, and the fans like it when we do name drops, so… okay.

Smash cut to season 17: Donut is looking for Wash after a time jump and calls out, "Wash! Agent Washington? Yoohoo! Uh... David?"

So, if there is one character who has no reason to know Wash's real name at this point in time, it's Donut. He wasn't at the Offsite Storage Facility in season 8. He and Wash don't have any kind of a relationship that might've led Wash to share that information offscreen, as Wash might have with Tucker or Caboose. And he wasn't there when Carolina used Wash's real name in season 16! He'd already left with the Hammer! Donut should not know Wash's real name, even if him using it in this context would tell us something significant about the characters and their relationship. And it doesn't, because at this point in the season they don't have a relationship.

And then there's "Ash."

When Wash travels back to his Recovery One self, he hears Command, aka Four Seven Niner over the radio, and exclaims "Ash, is that really you?" And thus, the Pilot Without a Name now has a name.

Now, Niner's little slip where she blurts out, "I thought maybe we'd lost you, too"? That is the kind of emotionally intelligent backfill I am here for. The Freelancer seasons gave us our beloved unnamed pilot with the same voice as Wash's Command, the unbeatable Lee Eddy, and whether they were always meant to be the same character or "I'd hate to have that guy's job" was just meant to be kind of a meta joke I was never sure. But they certainly became the same character, whether it was originally planned or not.

And that idea of the team's old pilot now stuck jockeying a radio, having to give Wash the order to kill South—I think that's always quietly haunted a lot of us, myself included. "Recovery One, please confirm, you are now Level 0." What was she feeling? Did she regret having to do it? Was she detached from it? Tapping into that question, that feeling, with just one little line—in an episode all about Wash facing a particularly shitty part of his past, that is the line that really gets me. That makes me feel something.

"Ash," on the other hand…

So, why would Wash call her by her first name?

I will definitely grant you that the absence of any kind of official designation for the Freelancers' pilot, such that the fans had to take to calling her by the name of her dropship was a hole in the canon. (It's not even a callsign, it's a vehicle designation—as in "This is Vehicle four-seven-niner, go for secure.") It would've been nice back in season 9 to get a real name of "Flight Officer So-and-So," or even some kind of codename for her as Project Freelancer seems to have been pretty big on codenames!

Which brings me to: If the Project was so strict about codenames for the upper ranks, why would Wash even know the first name of his elite squad's star pilot? And even if he did know it, why would he blurt it out on instinct like he's used to calling her that, when he never did in Freelancer—and when, judging by the Freelancer seasons, it doesn't even look like they were that close? And this is not like Carolina calling Wash "David," where they've spent time together post-Freelancer and grown closer. Wash hasn't seen or heard from Niner in years.

As always you can make up offscreen explanations for it if you want, but this doesn't tell us anything new about Wash's relationship with Niner so much as it just confuses the relationship they already had. I think the best way this works for me is if Ash is actually her last name, or a nickname of her last name. It's at least less weird that way.

And this isn't me pointing out plotholes just to nitpick. My problem with the name drops is that they've begun to feel fanservicey in the bad way: gratuitous, distracting, lacking in meaningful context. It's clear that hearing "David" or "Ash" is supposed to make us Feel Something, but each out-of-context overuse of Real Names dilutes that—until it makes us feel nothing at all.

You Need to Let Go

In the same way that RvB needs to stop beating the dead horse of Carolina's past, it needs to stop beating the dead horse of Freelancer generally.

Freelancer was the heart of Red vs. Blue for ten years, as the shadowy backstory to Blood Gulch that reared its head in Recollections and found resolution at the end of season 10. And while certain artifacts of Project Freelancer found their way into the Chorus storyline, Chorus was not about Freelancer. It was an effective step in moving on from the Project, moving the story and the characters in new directions. At points both Wash and Carolina grappled with their pasts, and from that they moved forward.

Season 15… landed us right back in Project Freelancer. And as I said before, I do like Temple and his story and I do think it was a fresh take, but it shouldn't have centered Carolina and that aspect of it did feel very derivative. Now, two seasons later, we've had a storyline that has nothing to do with Project Freelancer—but we're still reaching back there, revisiting it, revising it, adding to it, angsting over it. This is a problem for character reasons I've already covered, but I think it's also a symptom of the show as a whole feeling a little bit… stuck in a loop, shall we say.

I'm not going to say that Wash and Donut, for example, shouldn't have revisited their history, as that was resolution that was long overdue, and also relevant to the plot. And I'm not opposed to character moments that touch on the past in such a way, like, say, Wash and Carolina finally having a conversation about Epsilon. I'm certainly not saying that the ways in which characters were affected and grew from those experience should be forgotten—quite the opposite in fact.

But the revisiting Freelancer over and over, mining it for angst, especially when it's not plot-relevant—

It's dead, Jim.

It's over. We need to let go. These characters need to stop reliving their past, and the show needs to stop returning to plot threads and character beats that are already resolved.

It's time to move on, for the characters and for the story as a whole.

I hope season 17 can serve as kind of the final bookend on Freelancer, and let the show move on to new stories.

Reframing Tucker

Season 16 hit Tucker's characterization the hardest. Wash and Carolina's conflict may have been my personal least favorite, but Tucker's writing certainly takes the cake for the most actively mean-spirited, something I discussed at length in last year's essay.

I'll admit I wasn't feeling super optimistic about Tucker's writing for this season after watching the first episode, which seemed to be playing off the same kind of "Tucker is arrogant and stupid" hot take as last season, but as it came from the mouth of our villain, I can kinda take that with a grain of salt.

And beyond that, Tucker's role in season 17 is brief, but strong. I think brief is fine, as Tucker is not the protagonist of this arc, and season 16 did itself no favors spending so much time magnifying his flaws at the expense of screentime for its own protagonist. Tucker needed one thing from this season: resolution.

But it's a bit more complicated with Tucker, as it's not merely an in-universe resolution he needed. The nature of Tucker's maliciously over-the-top characterization in season 16, abandoning all of his Chorus-era character growth and inventing new flaws he didn't really have before just to take him down a peg, kinda needed a meta-resolution. It's not the kind of thing you can really fix, short of straight up retconning the previous season—which, hilariously, season 16 does kind of do via time travel! but the characters still remember it so it's not quite the same as it never happening.

Season 17 doesn't try to pretend that what happened between Tucker and Kaikaina didn't happen. In fact it's referenced directly in "Limbo" when Kaikaina wants to fuck with Tucker, and Doc remarks that they seem to have some unresolved issues. I like this a lot. It's funny, for one thing! And it's good Kaikaina. It's great to see her just being ridiculous in true Sister form—especially since Jensen and Dr. Grey aren't around anymore and we're a little short on comedic female characters again. (And for future seasons—it is 100% okay to let Carolina be funny, for the record. She's done it before!)

But Tucker's moment in this season comes later, once the Reds and Blues have set out to fix the timeline. After all, in a story about time traveling through one's past, what better way to remember Tucker's growth on Chorus than to send him back to Chorus?

So, setting aside the silliness of the plot, Tucker's self-reflection on Chorus also doesn't erase his season 16 actions—but it does kind of reframe them.

This was one of the worst moments of my life. But it reminded me of something. I became a leader on Chorus. And since we left it, I've been trying to act how I thought a leader should: cool, macho, totally self-confident. But somehow I forgot that I wasn't any of those things while I was actually leading. I was scared all the time, constantly second-guessing myself. But when shit got bad, I was the one to step up and make a decision. That's all it is. And right now, Donut's doing a better job of that than anyone. So yeah, I have faith.

Again, it's not that this undoes season 16's meanspirited dragging of Tucker, or makes me like it more. But there's a sincerity here, and a meaningful move to tie in Tucker's recent fumbles to his insecurity, which as I've discussed before, has kind of always been a thing. And on a meta level there's an acknowledgment in this monologue itself of what season 16 missed about Tucker. Not just the growth that was forgotten, but the team dynamic we've been missing—the faith in his friends, which Tucker now expresses toward Donut.

That means a lot. It's a truly good faith effort at making things right for Tucker, and I really like it.

Reintegrating Doc

I talked a bit about Doc last season, in regard to feeling like he'd fallen pretty out of step with the other characters in terms of his characterization and how seriously his feelings are meant to be taken, and how this goes all the way back to season 13. And though he too turns out to be an agent of Chrovos in season 16, it doesn't really end up mattering that much, and even his big fight with Donut ends up being of little consequence.

Doc plays a small role in this season, but I like the role he does play. Even Donut initially talks over Doc in "The Everwhen," and there's a certain irony in that considering that Donut's whole arc here is about being talked over and ignored—but it's also kind of in-character for Donut to be oblivious to the fact that he's even doing that.

So it's pretty satisfying to me, at the end of "Omphalos," when Doc points out that he's being talked over, and Donut… actually listens to him! And teaming up with Doc serves to further the plot. It's pretty great.

And it's equally satisfying when Doc, once in the Labyrinth, gets a moment to grapple with his O'Malley personality and reclaim control of it in order to escape. That really works for me, because I've come to read O'Malley as the part of Doc that emerges when Doc needs someone to stand up for him and in his own personality is incapable of standing up for himself. It certainly follows from season 13, and from season 16. So Doc calling upon O'Malley and consciously reclaiming that part of himself feels like good character development, and it really works here.

It's a nice little piece of resolution for Doc: reintegrating Doc's personalities, and beginning to reintegrate Doc himself as part of the gang and a plot-relevant character.

Stakes That Matter

See, the real stakes in season 17 are relationships.

Some of this carries forward from season 16, most notably for Wash and Carolina. Some of it taps into old unresolved conflicts, like Donut and Wash. And much of it involves rebuilding the team as a whole. Donut must travel through time collecting his friends, and with Wash's help, reunite them to fix the timeline. And at the end, they must find each other in the Labyrinth to overcome their demons and escape.

Season 15 lost track of that team dynamic, and the power the Reds and Blues have always had to triumph when they work together. In its final act, it lost track of the stakes that matter to fans: the characters we care about. Season 16 lost track of character arcs we've been following for many, many years now, and caught up the characters in a conflict that ultimately had little to do with them.

Season 17 has time travel in it, but it's not about time travel. Not really. The time travel serves as a mechanic, not just for plot but for character and relationship growth. What season 17 is about is restoring that neglected found family dynamic, bringing everyone back together to save the day.

Because that's always been a theme of Red vs. Blue: when the bonds are strong enough, the power of friendship wins every time.

Season 17 has the right idea that it's the characters and their relationships that matter, that the characters should drive the plot and therefore the stakes. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: No matter how grand the stakes, how wacky the adventures, or how cool the animations, Red vs. Blue is a show that hooked us with a bunch of people standing around talking. It is character-driven first and foremost, and the characters will always be its heart.

Loose Ends

I mentioned earlier that not every character gets a complete resolution in this storyline, and there are some loose ends to be picked up in our next arc, whatever that may be. Grif is definitely the most prominent one. Simmons is another to me—not so much a loose end as just kind lacking a character arc at all. Both could use some attention in seasons to come.

As I discussed earlier, I think Blue Team has had a pretty solid run of protagonists. The one exception I can see might be Kaikaina, but I think she could use some more time hanging with the core cast before she's ready for that role. With the Freelancer storyline well in the past (or at least it should be!) it makes sense to let Red Team have their time. Donut made a decent start to that. He has a good arc here.

So Grif, in my opinion, deserves another shot. He did not have a complete character arc in this storyline, and in hindsight, the Shisno arc really is Donut's story, not Grif's. I think Grif can be a good protagonist and I think he deserves another chance to be one.

Then there's Simmons, who's had a lot less character development than Grif, to the tune of almost none, and could really use some.

I don't think those two things are in conflict at all. Grif and Simmons' relationship has itself seen a long-running arc that many fans love. A storyline focusing on Grif and Simmons as co-protagonists could be really cool, and if this phase of RvB is Red Team's turn to shine, I can think of no better way to do that than to put Grif and Simmons in the spotlight. This leaves open the possibility for some great Grif siblings moments as well.

And of course, if the show were to finally canonize Grif/Simmons of a romantic nature, a lot of us would not be complaining one bit. But even simply focusing on their friendship and letting their partnership drive the story has some great potential.

Just an idea, but one I think could be really cool.

Conclusions

Jason Weight had a basically impossible task here. He had to finish somebody else's story with a lot of balls in the air while also resolving a lot of character threads that, uh, troubled a lot of fans from last season. It's much easier to critically analyze someone else's story than to write your own, never mind to complete someone else's. This was a tough goddamn job. I'm not surprised this season went through three treatments before one stuck.

It’s also really hard to judge a person’s writing when they’re writing under someone else’s direction and not running the show. I'm aware that Jason wrote one of my least favorite episodes of season 16, but he did so under Joe as lead writer, so it’s hard to say just how much creative freedom he had there.

This season, Jason's had a lot more freedom with character writing and I think that’s where this season shines. The plot's a mess, but given that Jason was tasked with completing someone else’s story arc, which was already a mess, I can’t really lay that on him. Moreover, if he changed the rules, and rearranged the universe a little, he did so in such a way as to allow the story to be more character-driven, and that's what we needed.

Season 17 was a fixer-upper, and for the most part it accomplished what it needed to. There's an emotional intelligence to this season overall that I found lacking in previous seasons, and an attention to characters and character arcs that I find heartening. This is no surprise, when you listen to Jason talk about his work in interviews and panels. There's a love for the characters that really shines through.

Gosh darn it, his writing has heart.

And I would really like to see more. Since it seems pretty clear the show will be continuing, I think there's no better candidate to write season 18, and to lead us into whatever new adventures may come.

Jason deserves that shot, if he wants it. And I do hope we'll get a chance to see his work with these characters again, in a story that is his own.

#red vs blue #rvb17 #agent carolina #agent washington #franklin delano donut #dexter grif #rvb critical #time travel trilogy #avian dentistry

37 notes · View notes

feferipeixes · 5 years

Text

Innocence Is Not Knowing That You’re Innocent (2/5)

Belle knows her brother pretty well. He likes comic books, he cheats at board games, and he wants more than anything to be human again. So, when he wakes up one morning with no memory of the fact that he’s a demon, she figures there’s no reason to remind him just yet. He deserves some time to just enjoy being Dipper, and not have to be Alcor.

Unfortunately, she can’t hide Dipper from the demon forever.

Chapter 2: Trouble in Paradise (link to chapter 1)

Special thanks again to @toothpastecanyon for beta reading and being super cool!

(See the most updated version on AO3!)

===

“Dipper! Belle! Dinner!”

Belle, jumping around in her room and jamming to Evaporate the Dancefloor by &ndra, pulled out her earbuds. “Is someone calling me?” she yelled.

“Yes, I said it’s dinner time!” Lionel called back.

“Oh. Coming!” She dashed out of the room, ran down the stairs, and took a seat at the table. A plate of spaghetti sat before her. Belle eyed it, frowning.

“Something wrong?”

Belle balanced her chin on her fist. “Dad, what was your artistic intent with this dinner? I love the direction, but, I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it, yknow? It just doesn’t speak to me.”

Lionel gave her a thin smile. “My intent was to make sure you don’t starve.”

“Oh, I’m starving alright. I’m emotionally starved!” She leaned back in her chair, resting the back of her hand on her forehead dramatically. “This might be good enough for you and Dipper, but I need a dinner that makes me think!”

“If you don’t like this, you can make an emotionally stimulating dinner for the three of us tomorrow night. Speaking of which, have you seen your brother? His dinner is going to get cold.”

“I’m here,” Dipper said, shuffling into the room. He took his usual seat at the table -- next to Belle -- and his whole body seemed to droop. Belle raised an eyebrow. She glanced at her dad, who seemed to be having the same reaction

The three of them were silent for a minute, and then Lionel coughed. “So, how was school, you two?”

Belle leaned over the table, putting her weight onto her palms. “It was great! Mindy and I presented our history project and Mrs. Riviera seemed to like it! I personally think bedazzling the poster board is what put us over the top -- Mindy says it was the extra detail we put into finding primary sources about gnomes instead of relying on Wikipedia, but I guess we just think differently!” She slid back into her seat, a satisfied grin on her face.

“Good job. I know you worked hard on that project.” He turned to Dipper, and his smile faded a bit. “Dipper? How about you?”

Dipper poked sullenly at his spaghetti with a fork. “It was okay.”

Belle bopped him on the shoulder. “Come on, you big nerd, you like school too much to not have anything to say about it.”

He shrugged, and swirled a noodle around his fork.

“Didn’t you have a test today?” Lionel asked. “How’d that go?”

Dipper jerked upright, looking like a deer in headlights. “Oh… y-yeah,” he stuttered. “It, uh. It didn’t go so well.”

Belle put down her fork and tilted her head. “Why not?”

“I don’t know, it was weird.” He started fiddling with his fork, trying to avoid making eye contact with either of them. “I thought it’d be a piece of cake, but then I got there and I didn’t know any of the answers. I don’t know why -- I thought I knew this stuff, but it’s just... gone or something.”

“Aw, that’s okay, my bromide! It’s not, haha, it’s not like you’re supposed to know everything!”

“That’s the thing -- for some dumb reason, I didn’t even study! I thought I’d just know.” He turned to Lionel, and shrank back into his seat under his father’s gaze. “Sorry dad… I know I’m supposed to do better than that.”

“It’s alright,” Lionel responded. Dipper picked his head up again, looking even more confused than before. “It’s great that this matters to you, but everyone makes mistakes.”

“I, uh… I just failed a test. Aren’t you mad at me?”

“No….?” Lionel trailed off as Belle furiously tried to signal him to stop, change lanes, take an immediate U-turn, stat! Unfortunately, none of that meaning seemed to be getting communicated to him. He furrowed his brow in confusion, cueing Dipper to look at her too, and so she stopped.

“Anyway,” he continued, “it’s not the end of the world if you don’t know everything. I’m sure it’ll be back by next time.”

Belle bolted out of her seat, jostling the table and spilling some pasta sauce onto her skirt. “Hey dad! Can I talk to you alone for a moment?”

“We’re in the middle of dinner. Can it wait?”

“I guess so,” she responded through clenched teeth.

She sat back down and stared at her plate, trying to ignore the suspicious glances Dipper kept sending her way. He seemed confused enough at her outburst to have stopped asking questions for the minute, and Lionel must’ve taken some amount of the hint as he didn’t try to restart the conversation, so the three of them ate their spaghetti in mostly silence.

It felt wrong -- Dipper usually had some wild conspiracy theory he had been investigating and couldn’t wait to talk to literally anyone about, so he’d regale them at the dinner table while Belle provided comic relief and Lionel watched his kids with amusement and pride. That had been before Gravity Falls; they still had interesting dinner conversations after Dipper found out that he was Alcor in disguise, but they were of a different calibre, because conspiracy theories no longer tickled his interest when he had infinite knowledge. For now, he was basically human, and he should be getting to enjoy the mystery of unsolvable conspiracy theories again, but instead there was silence and Belle felt the pit in her stomach grow and grow.

This wasn’t good, but it was fixable. After dinner, Dipper went to the bathroom and she cornered her dad to remind him that he couldn’t talk about demon stuff around Dipper. When he got out of the bathroom, she pulled him into the TV room and put on Pony Magic Academy, but left the remote near him so he could quickly snatch it up, change it to something else, and forget his suspicions amidst a sibling squabble. It was the tried and true art of distraction, and it seemed to work, but the heavy feeling in Belle’s stomach just got worse as she thought about how easily she was manipulating him.

It’s okay to be protective of him, she thought, as he put on Ghost Hunters and glued himself to the screen.

It’s for his own good, she thought, as they went upstairs and listened to his favorite top 40 hits.

He’s happier not knowing, she thought, as she got into bed and bid her twin goodnight.

I’m doing the right thing, she thought, as she closed her eyes and wandered off to dreamless sleep

---

Belle poked at the food on her lunch tray. It kind of wobbled in response, which was weird because the lunch room had advertised it as “Chicken Soup”. The quality of food in the cafeteria wasn’t usually incredible, but this was something else.

She looked up as Dipper dropped his tray across the table from her and sat down. The gelatinous cube on his tray was reddish-brown instead of green -- he must’ve gotten “Meatloaf”.

“Well, this sucks,” he said. Belle was rather inclined to agree with him. “Do you have any of that rainbow sparkle sugar glitter you always carry around?”

Her eyes lit up. Dipper never usually agreed to letting her put candy sparkles on his food, citing the fact that it “wasn’t technically food” and “had that FDA-banned type of denser sugar that was way more potent than normal sugar”.

“Do I!” she squealed. She fished around in her backpack, and her expression fell. “No I do not.”

They both sighed. He speared a piece of jelly with his fork and looked at it wistfully. “If I die eating this, you’ll tell dad I love him?”

“Only if you come back as a ghost and do the same for me.”

“Yeah, right. If I become a ghost, it better be for a much cooler reason than that. Like… to take revenge on whoever killed me, or maybe ooh to play pranks on hotel guests. You know how they always do that, in the movies? Imagine just pranking rich people in hotels for eternity.”

He laughed, and Belle’s stomach did a somersault. “Yeah but you wouldn’t want to be a ghost, right?”

“If you’re asking whether I want lethal cafeteria food poisoning, the answer is no.”

“No… yknow…” Her eyes shifted nervously. “If- WHEN you die, would you want to be a ghost?”

He seemed to consider it for a few minutes. “I’d say probably not,” he responded finally. “From what I’ve read about ghosts, they’re kind of obsessed with whatever their reason for becoming a ghost is. I’m not really the obsessive type, so I wouldn’t want to get stuck obsessing over something until some ghost hunter puts me out of my misery.”

Belle screwed her face up, torn between relief at the reassurance that she was doing the right thing by keeping Dipper in the dark about his true nature, and amusement at the idea that Dipper wasn’t an obsessive nerd. She settled on a smile, but then the picture wandered into her mind of a demon obsessed with tracking down reincarnations of his human sister, and the smile melted away.

“Hey!” A cheery voice broke into Belle’s thoughts. She looked up to see Onika holding a gold encrusted lunch tray. “Mind if I sit with you two?”

“Sure thing!” Belle trilled. “What’s up?”

“Oh, everything’s great. There was a test in the spells class I’m in and I aced it with flying colors! Literally, the test was to create a rainbow. Most of the class only succeeded in making it rain hair bows. Hey…” She elbowed Belle, and pointed at Dipper. “Why’s Mr. Reality Bender giving me the stink eye right now?”

“Hey Onika, I have to go the bathroom!” Belle babbled, shooting to her feet before Dipper could even open his mouth.

“Okay… good for you…”

“Yeah, but uh, girls always go together, so come on!”

She hooked her arm around Onika’s and dragged her away from the table, leaving behind a very confused looking Dipper.

“What’s going on, Sterling?” Onika asked when they got to the bathroom. “Spill.”

“Don’t mention any demon stuff!” Belle hissed. “He doesn’t remember that he’s Alcor!”

“What? How does he forget something like that?”

Belle rubbed her temples, frustrated that no one seemed to immediately understand the genius behind her madness. “His body’s glitching or something, his memory will come back soon, but I want to hold that off as long as I can because look at how happy being human makes him!”

Onika looked nonplussed. “He seems kinda pissed, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, but he’s always like that! I know he’s happier this way -- he told me when he had his memories that he wishes he could just have a normal, human life, and not have to know what he really is. Now he gets to, at least for a little while!”

“Okay.... that sort of makes sense…” Onika replied, with the air of someone who did not think it made any sense at all, “but if he doesn’t remember that he’s not human, why would he be happy that he doesn’t remember that he’s not human?”

Belle stared at her, opening and closing her mouth several times, gears in her head grinding against the grain to try to fight off a series of thoughts she didn’t want to be having. First dad, and now Onika? Did no one care about Dipper’s happiness other than her?

A sly smile crept onto Onika’s face at the lack of response, and Belle pouted. “He just is, okay? It’s deep inside of him or whatever, I don’t know.”

“Alright, you’re the boss. I’ll just pretend your brother is a normal human that I’m allowed to have a crush on again.” Belle’s jaw dropped, and Onika laughed. “Kidding! I’m kidding. Can we go back to the table now? I’m done not-peeing.”

Dipper had the same annoyed look on his face when they got back. It looked like he’d hardly touched his food in the meantime, and was practically following her eyes as she sat down.

She giggled nervously. “How’s it going, bro-bro?”

“Not bad,” he said slowly. “Having a great lunch over here by myself. How was the bathroom?”

“What? Oh yeah, so much fun. You know me, I love a good bathroom!”

Onika looked back and forth between them. “Hey, is this a weird conversation or is it just me?”

“No, everything’s fine!” Belle replied at the same time as Dipper said “No, it’s weird.” The two of them locked eyes for a moment, and Belle broke into a big, saccharine smile. Dipper rolled his eyes, and went back to his food.

Onika whistled. “Wow, having a sibling the same age as you must be exhausting. Good thing my sister’s 24. Anyway, the reason I came over was to ask if you two are doing anything for Halloween next week. My parents are throwing a party -- it’ll be very fancy and a downright bore, but maybe you’d want to come and keep me company.”

Belle clapped excitedly. “That sounds fun! I bet none of the fancy pantses are gonna use your antigravity pool -- we could take a swim!”

Dipper seemed to sink into his seat, and continued to spoon coagulated meatstuff into his mouth. Belle snapped a finger in front of his face. “Hey! Dipper! Did you hear Onika? Wanna go air swimming on Halloween?”

He shrugged. “That sounds fun, but… it’s Halloween, shouldn’t we be out getting lost in the woods or hunting ghosts?”

Oh yeah. Alcor could fly whenever he wanted. They should spend Halloween doing stuff that a demon wouldn’t enjoy in the same way a human would. She glanced at Onika, who hopefully had come to the same conclusion.

“Hunting ghosts definitely sounds better than a fancy dress party,” Onika said. “Well, I at least figured I’d ask. See you two later!” With that, she got up from the table, dropped her tray in the garbage, and strutted majestically out of the room.

Belle whistled. “She’s really something, isn’t she?” She smiled to herself, and then turned back to her brother, who had somehow sunk even further and was at risk of falling out of his seat altogether. “Hey, what’s going on down there?”

“Nothing.”

“I’ll say, cause it looks like you’ve forgotten how gravity works!”

She grabbed his arm and tried pulling him back into his seat, which he obliged to with a large groan. He slumped over, cheek pressed into the table, not caring about the scraps of unknown food he was lying on. Belle prodded him in the forehead a few times, and then cocked her head.

“Well, I guess my brother is broken! I’ll have to find a new one! Seriously, what’s up?”

He sighed. “Okay, it’s just… embarrassing, so don’t make fun of me okay?”

“Definitely not, and that’s a Belle promise!” She mimed zipping her lips and throwing away the key. For some reason, that made him flinch.

“Okay. I’m just tired of only hanging out with your friends. Don’t get me wrong, Onika’s great, but it’d be nice if I had some friends of my own.”

Belle slapped herself in the forehead. “Ohhhhhh, duh! How could I be so delightfully naive? Yeah, you should make some friends! I can help you! I’ll give you tips!”

“You’re weirdly enthusiastic about this,” he said, picking himself up. He grimaced at the sticky patch that his shirt had received from lying on the table. “Thanks, though. Twins?”

Belle beamed and fist-bumped him. “Twins!”

The bell chose that moment to ring, and the room was filled with clattering as people scrambled from their seats. “Oh, heck-a-poo, we’re gonna be late for gym class!” Belle babbled, jumping up.

“Maybe later we’ll figure out some Halloween plans?” Dipper asked, after they’d emptied their trays and were heading out of the room. “If I’ve got new friends by then, we can -”

He was cut off by a carton of milk colliding with his face and exploding. He stumbled, eyes closed and sputtering, and Belle gasped.

“Hah, nerd!” chortled a voice in the crowd of people streaming from the room.

“Are you alright?” Belle asked, pulling him aside. At that moment, the bell rang again, and Dipper’s eyes sprang open in panic.

“Crap, we’re going to be tardy!” he yelped. He grabbed Belle’s arm and ran down the hall to his locker.

“Bro-bro, you’ve got milk on your face.”

“It’s fine! I’ll clean it off in the locker room! If I could only find my gym clothes… argh!” He rummaged through his locker, pulling notebooks and binders out and tossing them aside. “Crap, crap, crap, where are they? I’ll get in trouble if I don’t have them!” He slammed the door shut, and slid down the face of it until he reached the floor.

“It’ll be alright, we’ll just tell Mr. Plinker that you left them at home…”

“No, you don’t understand! This always happens!” His fists were clenched and his face was starting to turn red. “Someone stole them, I know it!”

“What? This always happens?”

“Yeah, some jerks are always stealing my gym clothes and hiding them in toilets, the dumpster, whatever!”

“I, uh…” Belle started to feel like her mind was caught in a taffy puller. “Always? Even… last week?”

“Yes, always, since the start of the year! I’m sick of it, it’s so stupid! I wish I just magically knew where everything was without looking for it!”

He slammed his fist into the locker next to him, and the sound rang abnormally loudly through the suddenly empty hall. Belle opened her mouth to respond, but faltered when she noticed the goop on his face, the icky lumps of dairy left behind as the milk he had been splashed with mysteriously curdled on his skin.

She bit back a gasp -- this didn’t have to be a demonic powers thing, he might have just assumed that the milk was spoiled in the carton, or maybe he hadn’t even noticed because of how angry he was. Now wasn’t the time for her to be planning her next lie (and oh how she wished that wasn’t something she was seriously setting aside time for now). She grabbed his arm and helped him to his feet. He grumbled some fashion of thanks, and she walked him over to the boys bathroom so he could wash his face off. She offered to go in with him, but for some reason he wasn’t quite comfortable with that.

So, she was left waiting for him in the hall (she was already late for gym class, so she might as well be as late as him), and it was there that the soup of unwanted thoughts in her head started to curdle too. He’d said that people had been stealing his gym clothes since the beginning of the year, which meant that it’d been happening even when he knew he was Alcor. He definitely could’ve gotten them to stop with his powers, so he must’ve been letting it happen.

But why? Was it because he didn’t want to blow his cover and reveal his true nature? Or… did he actually like being bullied, because it felt like the other students were treating him just like any other teenager? But Dipper without his memories was clearly really upset at being bullied, just like he had been before Gravity Falls. And that led Belle to the thought that she’d been stomping her foot down on more times than she’d like since this whole memories thing began: was Dipper actually happier with his memories than without?

She was still dwelling on it when he came out of the bathroom, face a little less red and all traces of milk gone. He grumbled some more at her, but she barely parsed it, so distracted she was by the way her mind was turning itself over and over again.

It’s okay to be protective of him, she thought, as they walked down the hall to the gymnasium.

It’s for his own good, she thought, as Mr. Plinker yelled at him for losing his gym clothes.

He’s happier not knowing, she thought, to block out the snickering when the two of them walked by a crowd of students on the bleachers.

I’m doing the right thing, she thought, and she felt worse and worse with every passing rationalization until she found herself wishing that this entire thing was just a bad dream from which she’d soon awake.

(AO3 link)

#gravity falls #transcendence au #dipper pines #alcor the dreambender #belle sterling #dipper sterling #lionel sterling #onika #rrr #fic #long post #my stuff

19 notes · View notes

rontra · 5 years

Text

ANONYMOUS ASKED:

i really like mwot and was wondering, do you wanna talk/loredump/etc about mwot during this blessed month of pride? (if not that's totally cool!!! i really like the au and am curious about it!)

REPLY:

YES!!!!

umineko spoilers below and LONG POST KSDJDKSKD i really went infodumping......you got me right in an infodumping mood....

also im being very casual in this post so if something is like weird or vague its probably because i got tired of thinking about it and skipped ahead. SKJDSJD

mwot is an umi au and its very gay and very trans because i, a gay trans, decided it was TIME to INDULGE

LIKE A MOUNTAIN WIND FALLING ON OAK TREES also known as MWOT, MW/OT, Mountain Wind + Oak Trees, MW+OT, or literally any combination of its parts, is an eva/natsuhi au, set in a vague modern big city setting

https://rontra.tumblr.com/tagged/mountain-wind-oak-trees

it’s a comedy, mostly? it has elements of backstory transphobia and stuff like that but that’s not really the story i want to tell with it, so i don’t go too deeply into it in the main fic. it’s mostly comedy and Self Care: The Story (once these nerds get around to acknowledging that self care is good, anyway!!!!)

Eva is 20, nb lesbian (though she doesnt know half of it to begin with). generally a bitchard at the beginning but also deeply craving that Validation. Invested in making the fic harder to write due to pronoun shenanigans (shoutout to the lengthy section of intimate emotional scenes that uses no pronouns at all for eva but is narrated by them in 3rd person)

Natsuhi is like 21 i guess because im a sucker for her having like an annoying 1-3 years on eva bc eva would get mad about it. Also she’s trans, gray-ace, hopeless romantic, generally full of “quickly raising your eyebrows and looking away while sipping your drink and thinking Yikes” energy. weaponizes indifference but is no stranger to harder means. she’s a smart cookie

Sayo is also 20, gender clown car living her best life. Presents differently depending on mood and whim

krauss is like 22 or whatever. for housekeeping’s sake, rosa and rudolf are too young to matter (8 and 10, or something like that). dont even worry about it

honestly the weirdest part of the au is eva and sayo being the same age

also this au is the origin point of me & my friends using akikaze as nat’s maiden name. the more you know!

USHIROMIYA GOLD dishes up that yellow metal like you wouldn’t believe. led by kinzo whos so fuckin good at sniffing out that sweet sweet gold people are half convinced the man has psychic powers. Any piece of land he’s got his eyes on, he WILL get his hands on, no matter who owns it right now.

the land kinzo wants At The Moment is owned by the AKIKAZE FAMILY who have been notably on the decline recently. they’re in the economic shithole so this land is basically all they’ve got right now, so when kinzo wants it and it suddenly Has Value, they’re like “oh, shit,

anyway the deal basically shakes out that like, he gets the land and all the gold that may or may not be in it. he offers his eldest son in exchange for this land, to marry their daughter: in the bonds of marriage graciously ensuring a part of the winnings will spill over on them, while keeping them under his control without money coming into the picture.

Everything’s working out great and coming up kinzo. the deal is closed and everyone’s happy (i guess). until ONE DAY, just a few narrow weeks before the akikaze girl is set to move in with the ushiromiyas,

KINZOS

OLDEST

SON

DISAPPEARS

!!!!!

Krauss dislikes being told what to do, and his father’s ideals never lined up with his own. He thinks this entire thing is sort of fucked up and can’t live under his dad’s thumb anymore. That's why, immediately following Kinzo’s agreement with the Akikaze family, Krauss disappears. He’s just kinda left for greener pastures, to unfold his own life and pursue his own interests independent of the Ushiromiya name. He leaves behind a letter explaining it & basically he forfeits both name and inheritance, and Kinzo’s incredible deal is suddenly in jeopardy.....

obviously this is kinzo though, and all of his solutions are like, 20 times more complicated than they have to be? he’s DETERMINED to have this land so he’s like “i need an eldest son. shit rudolf is only like 9. fuck. well okay i have an eldest daughter with a deeply complicated need for validation and success entirely driven by her overall neglect at my hands“ and the rest. as they say. is history (???)

Ushiromiya Eva always saw Krauss as unworthy of the inheritance, and to her, his disappearance confirms this. She grew up always being made to feel inferior to her older brother, usually being ignored in favor of him, and it's bred a complex need for validation in her. Her values and strengths are more like Kinzo’s than her brother’s, and Kinzo recognizes this in the wake of Krauss’ disappearance.

basically he concocts this really wild scheme where eva has to pretend to be his oldest son and marry this girl or whatever so he can seal this stupid gold deal and she’s like “well lol if i get to be family heir” and hes like “yes that’s what im saying” and shes like “awesome let’s do it”

all of the servants are in on it too of course. specifically kinzo enlists SAYO who works there as normal staff and isn’t otherwise tangled into this family’s mess in any way whatsoever. she’s just here to serve tea and looks. anyway he’s like “you work on this with eva--i mean evan, my son, you must have misheard--and eva you have to listen to whatever yasuda says” and eva is like “that last part will not be frustrating for me at all”.

Yasuda as reigning Household Gender Presentation Expert is like “i think i just got orders from the master to bully eva?” and eva is like “i wish i could fire you but my dad just banned me from doing that” and then gradually...over the course of the project......they become....friends.........

(the au is tagged eva & sayo for a reason. they become FRIENDS!!)

mostly its just various combinations of shkanon dunking on eva and its all VERY good.

during all these shenanigans we make some startling realizations like “gender euphoria is a hell of a drug” and stuff, which is extremely harrowing for everyone (note: not for everyone. just for eva, who makes 10,000 realizations every day, and should not have been counted.)

(ok sidenote did anyone else put on their first binder & go like “hmmm. i live here now” because. mood. im projecting entirely into this fic)

Gender Clown Car yasuda (currently as lion) is like “you know there’s like more than 2 genders” and eva’s like “you fucking wehat”.

i also make a REALLY INVOLVED JOKE ABOUT CASTIGLIONI GOLD, THE RIVAL COMPANY, and how BEATRICE’S KID LOOKS A LOT LIKE LION, and EVERYONE thinks this is all VERY funny

(i would like to see it. also kinzo owes beatrice castiglioni $20 and she’s never let him forget it.)

now wrapped up in this stupid impostor scheme AND full of big wild nonbinary energy AND!! WITH AN INFURIATING NEW FRIEND!! IN THE STAFF!!! this one funky ushiromiya is all ready to get in on an arranged marriage or whatever. provided NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT that they’re faking it and replacing the Actual Heir, which would no doubt ruin the scheme AND bring kinzo’s wrath on everybody involved, of course.

AKIKAZE NATSUHI IS READY TO PUNCH HER FIANCE IN THE THROAT IF HE EVEN LOOKS AT HER but she understands what’s happening here. she knows she didn’t have a say in this from the very beginning. that the deal was sealed for her as soon as the name “ushiromiya” was said. she knows her family married her off quick in a bid to get rid of her. if she’s humiliated by this ordeal, she is far too proud to show it. she packs her bags and walks into the mansion with her head held high........and immediately has this exchange with her fiance

and this one

so that’s kind of the energy we’re going for with these two.

(natsuhi’s line in the second cap was going to be removed for being Way Too Intense, but everyone i talked to said it was too hot to cut, so i decided to indulge us all. blame the lesbians)

they IMMEDIATELY don’t get along but they kinda agree to like, mind their business, since neither of them are interested in playing house here. if they can get the wedding to go off without a hitch they can basically go back to never talking to each other again.

natsuhi’s entire angle here is essentially: her family was not that good, and this family likely won’t be better, BUT here she has a chance to build something new for herself. she’ll be out of her parents’ house. She needs this deal to stay for her own sake, but she has to get out ahead of her husband and set up a dynamic that favors her. when she meets evan she essentially gauges the kind of person she’s dealing with and picks her approach accordingly: this is not a soft man, and she has to be hard in turn to avoid being steamrolled.

and its VERY hot

anyway some stuff happens and it eventually they both sorta get each other’s secrets. eva is not the firstborn son and natsuhi is not the card kinzo thought he was pulling from her family’s hand and theyre both toast if word hits the public. directly after the wedding they establish a tense alliance of keeping each others’ secrets....

and then they.....fall...in l

there’s some fun tensions and realizations. eva is like “so im quickly catching on that no praise i ever received from dad was on my own merit and he’s kind of a dirtbag all around and his validation is kind of not worth it” and nat is like “word our parents are chains” & they run kinzo over with the down w cis bus. it’s fine. they get postcards from krauss sometimes. he has a motorbike now.

DID I MENTION THE PRACTICE KISSING

BC THEY HAVE TO PRACTICE! FOR THE!! PUBLIC WEDDING!!!!

and thats mwot i guess. it’s my au where natsuhi’s accent color is red and some other stuff happens too. happy pride month

#mwot #second time's the charm

11 notes · View notes

sarcasm-and-studying · 5 years

Text

We Don’t Talk About the Stories

October 13

Before I start, let's get one thing straight. I'm not the type of person to fall for some run of the mill conspiracy. I don't believe in magic, and I take most things told to me with a truckload of salt. I mean, when you spent a good nine years of your life believing your house was taken over by a secret race of anthropomorphic gloves, you tend to start being a bit skeptical about the world around you.

Having said that, I truly believe my history teacher might be an immortal.

It started off as a joke, one of those blatantly untrue ‘rumors’ everyone spreads to feel like they’re a part of something bigger than themselves. It was somewhere around mid September when we all collectively realized that perhaps we weren’t completely lying to ourselves after all.

Mr. Robert T. Johnson is a quirky man with giant gold-rimmed glasses and a curly beard concealing most of his face. He dresses in vests and bow-ties that come in a variety of earthly tones, and he uses phrases like “that’s so Jake!” - phrases we’re pretty sure no one’s used in over a century.

I want to put a disclaimer here - a disclaimer that is brought on by my confidence in the second paragraph of this entry. Every ‘proof’ I have to offer of the supernatural is purely circumstantial, and can be, in theory, explained in a perfectly rational way.

At any rate, a huge reason why these rumors exist is because of Mr. Johnson’s stories. Every once in a while, he gets a droll look in his eye, and the class always exchanges excited glances. The stories range from the slightly peculiar to the straight up ludicrous, yet every student believes without a doubt that Mr. Johnson actually did punch a Nazi in a French aquarium, or that he actually did date an attractive acrobat who scammed a loan shark out of half a million dollars.

Yet these stories never have any time stamps, and whenever someone inquires Mr. Johnson as to when he actually had time to go on these adventures, he always gets flustered and quickly changes the subject. Pretty soon, we learned not to ask too many questions.

The most notable one of these incidents took place at the concert of some obscure musician with an unfamiliar name. By next period, someone googled the guy. Apparently his last concert was in 1903.

Yet we’d already learned not to ask too many questions, so we left the answers up to our own imaginations. And our imaginations did run wild, leading us to the perhaps slightly irrational conclusion I am sharing with you now.

December 27

My hands are almost shaking as I write this. I wish I didn’t believe the rumor, I wish I could listen to my rational mind. Yet the further I go into the school year, the more I seem to stop listening to logical reasoning of any sort.

The last few months have passed without any major incidents. Mr. Johnson remains as suspicious as ever, although new ‘proof’ has come up. My teacher seems to… imply he knows a lot of languages, as in his stories he regularly talks with residents of other countries. As always, he dodges questions, though. He doesn’t strike me as a language kind of guy, and however many he knows, it’s probably more than an average person learns in a lifetime.

The girl who sits in front of me in homeroom has never talked to me before, but today she leaned back in her chair and rested her elbow on my desk.

“You’re in Mr. Johnson’s class, aren’t you?” she inquired, her voice quivering with excitement. “Here, take a look at what I found while researching my forensics project!”

It was a scan of a news article with a giant picture of a policeman leading a man away in handcuffs. The policeman looked exactly like Mr. Johnson, except clean-shaven and without glasses.

The only problem was that the photo was taken in Ohio, and the policeman was identified as ‘Mr. Green’.

Oh, and it was taken in 1923.

“Mr. Johnson, do you have any ancestors who lived in Ohio?” I asked him at history that afternoon. “A grandfather, perhaps?”

Mr. Johnson stiffened up at the word ‘Ohio’. “Why do you ask?” he inquired, exaggerated nonchalance barely concealing a panicked note in his voice.

“I... was just wondering,” I replied, shifting awkwardly.

“My family did move here from Ohio!” he told me with a hearty laugh, switching to a laid back tone of voice. In a matter of seconds, all his tenseness had evaporated. “How did you find out?”

“A friend of mine was researching for a project,” I blurted without thinking. “She saw a picture of a man who looks just like you in some article about a murder case...”

A few days after that, Akane told me the scans had vanished from the internet. As soon as I came home from school that day, I messaged a few of the websites that previously provided the scans, asking them about the disappearance.

A few weeks have passed. Not one of them has replied.

February 16

The history teacher next door has left. It happened without any warning, and I am yet to meet a person who isn’t surprised by Mrs. Sheldon’s disappearance. She was an old, sweet lady, someone who has spent a good portion of her life teaching at our school. For her to leave like that, here on Friday and gone on Monday - it greatly disturbed the status quo.

According to the dean, Mrs. Sheldon has grown extremely sick and won’t be able to come to school for a while. She knew neither this mysterious illness nor how long this ‘while’ was going to last.

The new history teacher is a woman in her early to mid thirties, with a round, trustworthy face and strong arms. Her name is Mrs. Merri. She has started to decorate her classroom, the most notable of her posters being a ‘cheat sheet’ on some war we aren’t supposed to learn about until next year.

A girl in my math class was crying because she missed Mrs. Sheldon so much. I feel sorry for her. Fortunately, it doesn’t seem like Mr. Johnson will be leaving anytime soon.

March 24

I have asked around about what Mrs. Merri is like. People seem to have different opinions of her. Most people say she is nice, but some of the more ambitious students complain about how she doesn’t seem to be too experienced in teaching a history class.

People have mostly stopped talking about Mrs. Sheldon. Now, it’s just one of the many interesting things that have happened at my school.

April 2

I usually get a little early to school, and I often hang out in Mr. Johnson’s classroom for ‘tutoring’ until the first bell rings. Today, however, his door was locked and he was nowhere to be seen.

“It seems like Mr. Johnson is running late,” Mr. Merri said. She was leaning on her door frame, smiling openly. “Why don’t you come into my classroom instead?”

“Sure,” I shrugged, glancing behind her into the open room. Almost a dozen students sat at the desks, pouring over textbooks or conversing in hushed voices. I recognized Akane, as well as some other kids who I usually saw in Mr. Johnson’s class.

I took a seat next to Akane and pulled out my phone. For a while, we all worked in relative silence.

“I see a lot of unfamiliar faces today,” Mrs. Merri remarked at some point. She was perched, nonchalantly, on her desk, gazing over us in amusement. “Don’t tell me Mr. Johnson always gets this much more students in the mornings.”

Someone assured her this was an unusually busy day.

“He seems to be a good guy,” she continued. “I’d like to get to know him better. Does he tell you guys stories in his class? Because I’ve only spent a few days talking to him and I’ve already heard he’s been all over the world. Asia, Africa, Europe… And he’s been all over the US as well. Has he ever told you guys about Ohio?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Akane freeze up mid-page turn.

“Not really,” I said nonchalantly. “He’s mentioned vacations in different countries, but you make it seem like he’s some sort of world traveler. I certainly don’t remember anything about Ohio.”

I remembered a rumor about how some girl saw Mrs. Sheldon in a grocery store recently looking very healthy and very much not like a person who has to leave school because of a mysterious illness.

“He doesn’t really tell stories,” Akane picked up. “He’s honestly a reserved kind of guy when he teaches our class.”

The rumors about Mr. Johnson’s mysterious past, Mrs. Sheldon’s sudden disappearance and quick replacement, the absolute confidence with which Akane and I delivered our lies - all of these things led a few of the other kids in the classroom to slowly nod their agreement.

Mrs. Merri regarded us with a cold, skeptical stare. Now she didn’t seem so friendly anymore. “So he’s told you… nothing? Nothing about his personal life at all?”

“Honestly, yeah,” said someone to my left. “I wish he’d tell more stories.”

“Mr. Johnson’s traveled across Europe?” piped up a boy in the front. “That’s amazing! Could you tell us more?”

Mrs. Merri let the topic evaporate, and in less than a minute the first bell rung. I’m going to tell Mr. Johnson about this, Akane told me under her breath as we filed out of the door.

Mr. Johnson did not tell our class any stories that day.

June 12

The next day, Mr. Johnson did not show up to class.

We later found out he had left a note of resignation on the principal’s desk the afternoon of the incident. He didn’t answer his email, and his phone went straight to voicemail no matter who called him or when they did it. Most of his belongings were left in the classroom, never to be picked up again, which would’ve been cause for alarm if it wasn’t for the disappearance of a whole row of books on his bookshelf, a whole row of books we knew Mr. Johnson cherished dearly.

So wherever he left, he left of his own accord.

A few days later, Mrs. Merri was replaced by Mrs. Sheldon again. Any questions about her alleged illness were avoided by both her and the school staff.

Now, more than ever, I suspect that both Mrs. Merri and Mr. Johnson have giant secrets. I don’t think I’ll ever find out, though.

I never saw either of them again.

#stories #short story #writeblr #writer #story #inspiration #plot #idea #immortal #teacher #mystery

46 notes · View notes

novelwritingtrash · 5 years

Text

better than words #15: in profile

by Allyson Gross

This revived edition of better than words is about Harry Styles and Taylor Swift, but (do not fear) not about HarryandTaylor, my feelings on which I will reserve for drunken karaoke performances of “Style.” This is about profiles, specifically Rob Sheffield’s profile of Harry in Rolling Stone, and Laura Snapes’ profile of Taylor in the Guardian, and what we learn about / what we want to learn about pop stars when we read these kinds of in-depth interviews.

In a 2014 piece for Believer on the history and trajectory of celebrity profiles, Anne Helen Petersen wrote that as a genre of journalism, the profile “sells the celebrity’s image and the values that image is made to represent.” Profiles contribute to how we understand or come to know stars; they’re the publicity and promotion end of Richard Dyer’s “star image,” that composite puzzle piece of who celebrities are in public, but packaged under the guise of private truth or a peek under the curtain. I will never go to Taylor Swift’s Nashville home, but Laura can tell me about the stickers on her oven, and it will communicate something to me about Taylor that I did not know before, and perhaps I will feel closer to her. While truly “knowing” a celebrity is the impossible project of their consumption, a good interview provides the brief illusion of it. The promise of a good profile rests within the understanding/belief/hope that the off-stage “truth” of a celebrity is theoretically discoverable with the turn of a good question or an in media res lede. Frank Sinatra has a cold, and Harry Styles has brought his purse to lunch.

I’ve been thinking a lot over the last year about how profiles contribute to our understanding of stars, and what role they play now, when most of our information about our faves comes from social media, whether that be on stars’ own or fans’ (see: the rise of the update account, that great and problematic aggregator of stan info). Last fall, in a piece lamenting the “death” of the celebrity profile, the New York Times’ Jon Caramanica wrote that “monologue, not dialogue… threatens to upend the role of the celebrity press.” Celebrities, in Caramanica’s analysis, were either not talking (Taylor Swift, Drake, Beyonce), or talking too much on social media, making the “intimate perspective and behind-the-scenes access” promised by celebrity journalism “largely irrelevant.” This is a little dumb, but mostly short-sighted, because the oversaturation of celebrities’ own content online only strengthens the case for a good profile that can (de)construct our stars beyond whatever Taylor Swift’s publicist wants her to post, or even what Taylor herself does; it makes the best ones all the more interesting for their ability to communicate the celebrity unmediated by their preferred Instagram filters. In response to this NYT piece last September, I started (and ultimately abandoned) a tinyletter about profiles, in the draft of which I wrote:

I like my pop stars like I like most places, most people: quiet. If the defining property of celebrity is its undefinable magic — the other, sparkly essence that makes this or that person different, representative, worthy of their visibility in public — then too much noise (literal or figurative) kind of ruins it for me. This is not to say that I want to hear from them never, but rather that the unknown is more interesting and productive than it gets credit for, and oversaturation diminishes the potential of interpretation or imagination. I want to know that there is something to know about my favorite celebrity, but I don’t want it handed to me on a silver platter (or Instagram story).

When I wrote this, I was in a post-dissertation high, hyped up on the magic of writing about Harry Styles fans projecting onto his rhetorical void, and I wanted to kind of defend the beauty of a quiet pop star. I read this now and I laugh, not because I totally disagree with it, but mostly because it’s so complicated. I am both personally and academically fascinated by the kind of empty signification that has marked Harry’s last 4 years in public, but not all silence is equal. And while projecting into / interpreting vagueness can be fun and interesting, it is nice to hear him speak again and remember why I love him. It is nice to have new things to read in a profile, new pieces to contribute to the puzzle that is how I understand Harry Styles’ personality.

Rob’s profile is a treasure trove of these puzzle pieces — meditation (!), dulcimers (!!), mushrooms (!!!) — stitched together with all the trademark enthusiasm and care of my favorite of his work. I love Rob’s writing not least because it so often communicates that same love and emotion I feel for the things I love, the people I’m a fan of, in a way that bridges the gap between the over-detached but unserious way of approaching artists beloved by young women. In a media landscape which expresses cynicism about the artistic integrity/validity of subjects of the female gaze, while simultaneously fetishizing young girls as uniquely prescient tastemakers, Rob’s writing is both intelligent and earnest, neither dismissive nor overly reverential.

But the rub of this profile, of course, is that Rob and Harry are friends, and it is impossible to forget this. In the NYT piece, Caramanica writes that the “covenant” of celebrity profiles is that “the journalist is the proxy for the reader, not the subject,” but in Rolling Stone the line feels blurred, and perhaps purposefully so; the allure of this piece in the weeks building up to it, for so many fans, was that Rob himself was writing it. The elephant in the room (addressed paranthetically in-text) is perhaps that this piece exists in this form because of their relationship, not the other way around. Friendship begets not only ease of subject, but access. This interview is the result of an extraordinary level of time spent with Styles, granted over several days in two countries. In a recent piece for Columbia Journalism Review on celebrity access in music journalism, Jeremy Gordon described a typical process for securing an in-depth feature: “An editor asks a publicist for four days with an artist; that gets bargained down to two. A writer pitches a profile; it turns out there’s only time for a Q&A over the phone…. An artist’s availability is inversely related to their fame; even when available, they have to be a willing participant in sharing their story.” That every substantive interview Styles has ever given was either written by an older, white male friend (Rob, Cameron Crowe) or a Q&A with another famous person (in Another Man, Chelsea Handler and Paul McCartney) both qualifies his willingness to share his story, but also explains so much of the feeling of his “silence” even when he is speaking. If the promise of a good profile is the potential for some unearthed private truth, there is a sense to every word safely printed about Styles that cuts that possibility off at the knees.

Over the weekend, Laura published an interview with Taylor that withheld few punches; for the first time, Taylor was on record speaking about a whole host of issues, from white supremacy to Weinstein and the 2016 election. That Laura got Taylor to so gamely talk about all of these complicated topics with only around an hour of time with her in Nashville is impressive enough, but the deftness with which she navigates and unpacks Swift’s responses, while simultaneously holding a really empathetic, humanizing mirror up to this routinely dehumanized megastar is both incredibly smooth and admirably smart. In the end, this is a fundamentally different type of piece than Rob’s on Harry, in the same way that Harry and Taylor are differently marketed and portrayed and publicly consumed. While Harry’s silence has always been a mirror, the void of which we fill to reflect ourselves, Taylor’s has always been an empty room we have begged her to fill. She must answer for herself, she must atone, and in the end we will be surprised when she comes across as so human and understandable, while Harry Styles rides around Malibu in a Tesla.

I love both of these profiles, subjects, writers. This is not to say one is wrong, or one is better, but instead perhaps to highlight both the inherent double standards around how we talk about stars like Harry and Taylor (and specifically, Harry and Taylor, as my friend Fiona catalogues in this thread here), but also to unpack more critically what that actually looks like in practice, what the variety of possible secrets we seek look like on the page. Harry Styles gets praised for briefly mentioning white privilege in print, while the collective response to Taylor Swift’s lengthy justification of her own politics is a half-annoyed feeling of “finally.” This is for so many reasons, and 99% of them are of course about gender. As Fiona wrote on Twitter, “It’s just frustrating how women are expected to bring their whole emotional lives to their art, and are then criticised for doing so. Meanwhile we’re meant to admire HS for... articulating emotions? And accessing them with the help of mushrooms? How brave! How bold!” More broadly, that we want different things out of a profile on Harry than we do on Taylor is not alone the result of how they perform themselves, but also how we receive and relate to them; it is as much about the degree of scrutiny we subject them to as it is the amount they are willing to sit down for us, if a friend or stranger is speaking with them.

And we all want different answers. I would have killed to hear Laura talk with Taylor about pop-fandom-as-scavenger-hunt, and the broader implications/ramifications of that odd quote from the Entertainment Weekly article in May about how she “trained” fans to essentially become online conspiracy theorists. In Rolling Stone, it was jarring to see Harry praise fans’ “bullshit detector” without Rob interrogating what that even means — While Harry’s quote about holding up Black Lives Matter flags is a good one, the piece takes the sentiment at face value, and doesn’t address the year-long, international effort by fans trying to get him to speak up about BLM on stage. Each of these pieces would have probably looked totally different if the other had written them, or if someone else entirely had tackled it, and yet profiles still hold such oddly tremendous weight with regard to the star image, particularly with acts like Taylor and Harry who so rarely allow them. That such a disparate and varying chain of events and relationships (where the interview takes place, how long they get, if the writer knows them, if they play hard or softball with questions, how they follow up, etc) provides this information which figures so heavily in how we relate to and understand stars is endlessly fascinating. It also kind of highlights the complete futility of pretending to really know anything about celebrities we love, which is honestly perhaps the most comforting bit of all.

#brilliant

1 note · View note

lafortis · 5 years

Note

oops *social programs. like increasing class sizes, cutting bursaries, cutting library funding, cutting OHIP drug coverage. that kind of thing

so like

idk this is a topic i feel like i should say more about but i’m tired rn so this is what u get

increasing class sizes, presuming you could link that directly to a decrease in quality of outcomes in education, is dumb and short-sighted. education, especially in k-12, is one of the safest and best long term investments and state actor can make, no questions asked. in cutting it, presuming class sizes actually do actually cause disengagement or worse outcomes (not a huge leap), you run the risk of increasing crime rates (delinquent youth - in-class engagement, extra-curriculars, and economic opportunity brought about by success in education all have been show to decrease crime rates [iirc, citing things when ur hunched on a roadcase is a little beyond me rn but if u want citations i can provide]) and decreasing flow of graduates to jobs that require ppl with higher education, either stymieing broader economic growth or forcing them to look elsewhere and bring ppl in either interprovicnially or internationally, which i get the impression isn’t the outcome foug dord seeks, were he asked.

cutting bursaries falls under the same category in my opinion; it is, broadly speaking, a good use of gov’t money to offer money for higher education. the increased income tax revenue over the person’s lifetime would likely more than pay for it, even in a zero sum game where the gov’t doesn’t also benefit from a more educated overall populace/workforce (which they fucking do). again, long term substantial benefit being sacrificed for short term gain in the name of deficit reduction (which i’ll... get to)

library funding is just a kick in the fucking teeth tbh, but if i have to address it seriously, libraries’ benefits are similar to that of higher school engagement; lowering crime rates as otherwise delinquent youths, poor families etc have a place for their children to spend time safely and productively. besides their use as a repository for local history (which i’m sure ford’s rural base would approve of if they realized it was there, but he’s from etobicoke and therefore doesn’t give a shit), they host events, help educated local children, represent the most freely available source of learning to low-income individuals, and offer a safe space to the public during business hours. for how much money they consume, cutting them is almost always a bad idea, regardless of province or country.

cutting OHIP coverage is dumb. single payer pharmacare is good. for reasons why see the folllowing:

suck my dick

for real tho i know my man wants to privatize health care in this province i done seen it in his eyes IRL.

and as a serious answer: those whose drugs you know longer pay for will likely burden the system in another way later down the line, and that’s usually much more expensive. unless he plans to defund ERs as well (which doesn’t exist anywhere, even private systems, which is why private systems are dumb; you turn people away until they’re literally dying, do an extremely expensive procedure to save them because you’re practically ethically obligated to, and then hit them with the bill, which they can’t pay any of, or they would’ve fixed it earlier. they go bankrupt, but you can’t squeeze blood from a stone either. everyone loses) preventative care, even ancillary care like non-essential pharma, is cheaper long-term than waiting for someone to be more expensive and more necessary to fix. you could split hairs about which are necessary and which aren’t or what have you, but quite frankly those administrative costs plus the quality of life downgrade ppl get from an obtuse pharmacare system means that it’s probably easier to just pay for it all. and THEN GUESS WHAT

you’re fucking single payer now. congratulations. want access to a market of 14 million? gotta negotiate with OHIP on drug prices now. fuck you.

it’s literally more economically efficient for everyone except drug manufacturers, whose profit margins are so economically aberrant that they can kinda go fuck themselves. like it’s the exact kind of thing taxes exist for: something that can be accomplished better, cheaper and more consistently under a single entity than individually. federal liberals are threatening to move this way and if they get re-elected i’ll personally suck trudeau’s dick to make it happen. it’s just fucking common sense.

so that just leaves us with uhhh,,,, one thing left, which is the provincial gov’t’s assertion that ontario’s debt is out of control, way too high, etc. as the reasoning behind austerity measures like these. which is like, it sounds good on paper? to the layman, sure, it holds up. their $343bn number is intimidating, there’s the “highest sub-sovereign debt” factoid floating around always, wynne was unpopular, liberals spend too much, so therefore spending was too high in the eyes of the ppl. whatever. economy doesn’t exist solely in political ads and the heads of those they’re targeted towards.

governments are made to hold debt. more than an individual, or a company, or a mega-corporation or conglomerate, governments are debt-holding entities. the actual amount is rarely important, as long as it’s payment has been earmarked over the time agreed upon. the interest over time is weighed against the economic growth that that spending is projected to create. actual cost of the debt is minimal. ontario’s interest payments appear to amount to about $4bn LESS than quebec’s, despite quebec having about 2/3rds of our debt. their debt to gdp ratio is 52% to our 39%.

the reason our debt is so much higher than other comparable sub-sovereign entities (i.e. american states) is because our provinces bear MUCH more spending burden than their peers. if you average out provincial and federal debt to get a more even representation of debt per capita, ontario is SAFELY in the black compared to other similar economies (which, to be fair, is partially because america’s federal debt is so high, but state debt’s and spending are so low that it’s not even a comparison otherwise). the only concerning stat in our entire economic portfolio is that economic growth

further research on their direction on the topic actually leave me less angry than before in a broad sense; their fiscal policymakers seem to generally agree that the best way to reduce debt is to spend at current levels rather than increase. it’s mostly i suppose the specifics you brought up as well as their rhetoric and political ads that i vehemently disagree with as short-sighted.

as usual canadian politics is a watered down version of american, so even their post-trump candidate actually still staffs genuine fiscal conservatives who don’t make obvious and easy to avoid mistakes.

vic fidelli can still suck my dick tho. this statement is dumb and obviously not true. “hey economic winds are blowing well so our long term strategy is obviously ALREADY WORKING”. fuck you. fuck off. stupid bitch.

so yeah

tat’s me onion

#high school anon #star emoji anon #canpoli #long #sorry #Anonymous

2 notes · View notes

crazypercheron · 5 years

Text

The Haunted Manse

Foreword

I’m restless right now, so I decided I might as well start finally typing up my silly fanfiction that I have been working on since *squints at date on note book* the 24th of May, holy smoke has time gone by fast! And with time, the story actually dramatically changed not even halfway through the beginning so things are a bit off kilter I’ll admit but heck it, buckle up because you are going in for one heck of a dumb ride (just like the manor itself). I’m not a proficient writer I’ll admit and I do not claim to be one, but this fan fiction is only just for fun and for my reading enjoyment so if you find the fiction hard to read or just simply do not like the direction the story is going, sorry but I’m just going to have my fun. Besides, there are other extremely talented people out there who have written Haunted Mansion fan fiction better than I can so please go read and support their works of fiction instead of wasting energy to bash on my fun side project.

Anyways, I am going to base this Mansion off of the Original one at Disneyland with some hints of the other mansions tossed in with it, but appearance wise it is the one in California. Now this is my interpretation of the story with what little information I have, it will be based off the book The Unauthorized Story of Walt Disney's Haunted Mansion by Jeff Baham (Which I thought is a good read if you are interested in the story of the Making of the ride, not actually the story of the ride itself) as well as some information from awesome members of this fandom, I seriously love your guys works and major thanks to especially @asktheghosthost for allowing me to borrow their interpretation of, well, The Ghost Host.

This is a muse/self insert fan fiction with my interpretation of Foxy the Pirate being an animatronic possessed by the spirit of a child since, well, there’s admittedly not that much information to what kind of character Foxy is -like is he a rival to Freddy or a friend?- and as morbid as it is, I’ve always actually liked the idea of a ghost helping a mortal out and following them around. Back then I use to watch a lot of those Ghost Adventure like shows and thought it’d be cool if like a Victorian era ghost follows and helps ghost hunters communicate with spirits and solve like murder mysteries and such. I should also warn you, the main character does not step foot in the mansion until Part 2, so if you want to get straight to the Mansion stuff, uhh, just wait until then. Anyways, enough with the rambling, I’ll post more later thoughts on future ‘Author’s Notes’, lets get on with the fiction.

Warning: Some strong language ahead

The Haunted Manse Part I

Chapter 1

Her boots pounded hard on the carpeted hallway as she rushed to find a place to hide. Anywhere in this contorted house. Despite a row of doors on either side of her flying past, Wren knew it was much more wise to run than to stop and waste precious time trying to open up one of those doors. Most commonly they were either locked forever to time or if they were left unlocked, they revealed nothing more than another corridor or that blasted wallpaper of the house. Besides, she had a destination in mind and she’d be damned if she allowed it to get any further.

Finally reaching the door at the end of the corridor, Wren threw herself into the door and fumbled for the key in her pocket, not daring to look back as she could hear the crazed laughter coming for her, literally flying down the hallway. She cursed as the brass key fell from her grasp but snatched it up in her other hand and proceed to shove it back into the key hole.

Rusted with age, or perhaps with the magic of this damn mansion, the key protested with a squeal as she turned to unlock the door. The key was turned, but a lip on the deadbolt caught the door frame, preventing it from opening. Frantic, Wren tried rattling the door, casting a glance over her shoulder to see the eerie blue specter rush in for the kill. His cutlass raised high above his head.

With a crack of distant lightning, the sword swung down at her.

Suddenly her phone rang loudly, rattling the the brunette from her reading. Holding the town magazine in one hand, Wren reached into her bag and dug around until she grabbed her cellphone, answering it. With the blaring J-Pop ringtone silenced, Wren could hear a mechanical whirl over her shoulder, but she ignored it.

“Hello sir?” she answered.

“Songbird,” the gruff voice answered on the other end. “Good morning, just calling to check to see if you have gotten that email about your new job assignment?”

“Is it another pizzaria?” she joked, placing the magazine facedown to ‘bookmark’ her place to free up her hand to grab her cup of coffee.

The man chuckled. “No, at least, not for a while anyways since that Fazbear Pizzeria had closed down for good and no one is looking to hire any more security. So sorry Wren, no free pizza for you.” The voice continued, “Anyways, your new job assignment is at a memorial park. The last guard quit just a few days ago.”

Wren rolled her eyes. “I thought so, though let’s be honest, you sending me into a different county I think is worse than working at a cemetery,” she sighed into her cup. While the email didn’t named the new job location, it did provide an address to which she googled online. “Let me guess, ghosts scared him off?”

“There’s that, and apparently he had discovered that he had a paralyzing fear of dead bodies,” he added.

“What is it with you assigning me to places that are haunted? You think I’m some sort of ghost expert or something?” Wren laughed, “You know I have necrophobia as well, Bob.”

“Don’t worry, you’re not going to be assigned to the morgue if that is what you are afraid of,” Bob assured her, “We just need someone to just drive around the park, you know, make sure all the mausoleums are locked at dusk, and -uh- chase away any hooligans that this it’s funny to drink and drive on -uh- Gravity Hill.”

“So I’m working the night shift? Fun.”

“Someone has to, last month someone tried to steal an urn from the Lilac Mausoleums. They broke the glass to the case but luckily it was cemented to the wall.”

Wren frowned, “Ouch, someone actually tried to do that?”

“Well,” Bob said, “It’s not so much as the cremains they were after, err- rather it was the urn itself. Lilac Mausoleum is one of the oldest crypts, like -uh- a century old or so, I think. Back then, they prided themselves in art so that urn is nothing but pure bronze. Already the crypt vases for the -er- flowers have been taken to be melted down for money by thieves.”

“Oh, that sucks, but it does make sense.” She could picture a cat burglar with a black mask on making off the property with a bag full of loudly clanking brass crypt vases.

Bob continued, changing his voice tone to change the subject, “But the park has added security cameras to the entrance and finally some bars on top of the display window so you’re just going to be doing patrol duty is all. Mostly at . . . uh,” he paused as Wren could hear him shuffling through paperwork, and shuffle back a few pages when he remarked, “Had the info right here, ah found it. Yes, they are hiring the extra guard to watch over Canson Cemetery. Apparently Floral Estates has noticed that there’s been an increase of trespassers.”

By now, Wren had the phone on speaker and laid it on the table, picking up her knitting to keep her hands busy. She was used to Bob’s excessive conversation and wondered how the other employees managed to listen to him ramble on for hours. The again, there had always been, without fail, a vacancy or two in the company now that Wren was thinking about it.

“When questioned upon being detained, the security guards noted that they have video cameras and the trespassers -uh- have admitted to trying to film a ghost or some paranormal event for their UView channels,” Bob had said.

“Oh yeah, I was just reading about it just now,” Wren chimed in, picking up the magazine she had forgotten on the table to read the previous article. “Yeah, right here, it says ‘Canson Cemetery rings in another century of Ghost stories.’“

“That’s it, but it seems they want to actually -uh- get into the mansion next door. But the cemetery is much more easier to access since it’s open to the public.”

Wren paused for a moment. “The what now?”

“A mansion. It’s a real nice looking house, too bad it was the scene of an awful murder, but I suppose the long history behind it may be enticing to some paranormal hunters as well. Anyways, we’ll talk more later.” As if he sense that Wren wanted to ask him something, he also added, “And yes, you can bring your robot with you. You will be working at night, so not many people will see him anyways.”

“Alright, thank you, Bob. I’ll make sure to get there on time then since you send me so dang far away. Alright good bye.” The security guard pouted slightly after she hung up, leafing through the pages of the magazine. “Mansion? How rich are these people there?” Not a few pages in, Wren finally found the grand house she assumed her boss was speaking of.

It is indeed a nice house, painted white with beautiful scroll ironwork balconies and at the entrance stood four tall columns that reminded her of a Greek temple. Mechanical servos whirled again lightly behind Wren and she could sense that the robot behind her was trying to look at the magazine as well. “I think this is it, Foxy. It says here . . .” she skimmed the paragraphs briefly, “Yup, ‘Site of unsolved death, but the steward of the home, Eugene Davis, has refused to comment about the story of the house. . . While the home appears immaculately clean on the outside, residents as well as visitors to Canson Cemetery report eerie energy that radiates from the mansion.’”

The animatronic fox let out a huff. Wren agreed, “Well yeah, no duh, they’re in a graveyard. ‘Some people believe that the murder cursed the house. Jerry, who is a gardener at Canson, said “Yeah, I’ve worked here since ‘94. . . There’s also a private cemetery on that property. I don’t understand how that guy and his coworkers deals with the creeps”. . .’ And just a bunch of dudes talking about hearing screams at night and seeing . . .” Wren had to not only reread the last sentence, but she even held it up to her eyes to make sure she was reading it correctly. “. . . And seeing what appears to be ghosts standing by the road sticking out thumb as if asking to hitch for a ride?’ OK, that’s a load of bull.”

However, Foxy continued to stare at the photo, as though he vaguely remembered it from somewhere before.

Deciding to arrive early, Wren’s tiny car pulled up into the newer addition of the cemetery. The office building and morgue sat in the same asphalt parking lot she was parked in.

Floral Estates Memorial Park had to be one of the largest cemetery in not only Canson, but rather the entire state of California. While the corporate name is fairly new, there had always been cemetaries that dotted the immediate hill area, with Canson being the oldest. But eventually when Floral Estates was established about 100 years ago, they took in a lot of the older and more historical plots under their care and just expanded their property from there.

The Sun was still hanging over the horizon, but she could see a security truck pull out of the back of the employee lot and start driving towards the park. No doubt they were getting a head start in going to the far back of the cemetery to clear out the visitors before the sunset. Wren sat back in her car, pulling out a burger from a paper fast food bag and took out her phone too.

The large, furry red fox was also sitting in the back of the car, his yellow eye that was not hidden under an eyepatch gazed out the car window to observe the people getting into their cars and leaving the park. Wren paused her internet browsing as she glanced back up at the corporate office as she realized something. She lifted her phone up to take a photo of the Floral Estates building in front of her car then proceed to post the photo on her social media profile, captioning the photo, “That awkward moment you’re eating lunch in front of a building full of dead people.” She smirked to herself. Though who were the dead people? The cadavers or the employees themselves? she thought to herself.

Suddenly, Foxy’s ears perked up and he lifted his head slightly, the movement caught Wren’s attention. An older man had parked his truck the next car over to Wren’s car, but as he got out and walked over to her he waved. “Ey, Wren, good to see you again.”

Aw crap, she thought, I forgot he worked here too. She put on a big smile on her face as she opened the door. “It’s good to see you too, Dale,” Wren answered back, stuffing her unfinished burger into the bag and got out of the car. “So you’re going to be my tour guide for tonight I take it?” Wren felt slightly embarrassed that she forgot that he still worked for the company. Perhaps she could lie that she lost his contact number if he asked why she didn’t stay in contact with him, though she prayed that he wouldn’t.

“Something like that,” he replied with a shrug, “Hello to you too, Foxy. Say, no Skye?”

“Not tonight,” balancing the drink and bag in one hand, Wren opened the door for Foxy to climb out, then shut and locked the car. “I heard there was coyotes and mountain lions here, so I didn’t want her chasing them thinking she could be friends with them.

The mustached man nodded. “And wolves too, yeah, Foxy could handle them I bet. So you’re going to be with me and I’ll show you the lock up procedures. It’s very simple, just walk through the mausoleums, remind any visitors still hanging about that we are closed, then you lock the doors and that’s it.” Dale continued on as the three climbed into the truck, “And then after that, you just drive around for the rest of the shift and the morning crew will open up. I’ll show you around the park where you will be working at. It’s got a nice view of the valley.”

Some of the polished black headstones that laid on the ground caught a glint of sunlight, making the green hills glitter in gold as they drove by on the winding steep roads of the park. The thicket of trees cast long, dark shadows on the hill as they finally reached the crest and just as Dale said, it was a lovely view of Canson and perhaps all of Secret County below them.

“Alright, this is your first stop. I like to start here, you get a good view of the lawn to see if there’s any visitors still remaining,” Dale started, getting Wren’s attention. “It’s a big mausoleum, but you just have one hallway you go straight down and that’s it.”

“And if , by the off chance, there’s someone who refuses to leave?”

“Eh, you just call one of us and we’ll come over. Jeff is usually close by. His lawn is Peony Peace lawn. Plus he claims that he has a good view of the lawns,” Dale replied, leading Wren and Foxy up to the entrance of the Mausoleum and held the glass door open for them to enter.

It was one of the modern mausoleums, with floor to ceiling glass windows at the entrance and surrounding the columbariums. Through the glass windows, Wren could see the urn niches, some of them stuffed with photos of the deceased person inside propped up among stuffed animals, others with marathon or military medals proudly on display, and some with rosaries of their respective religion surrounding the urns. Soft piano music was playing over the speakers, but it wasn’t enough to drown out the sound of Foxy’s mechanical gears grinding and moving his legs forward.

As the trio passed the first hall though, Wren felt a chilly breeze blew past them. She swore she heard a chuckle, like the voice was . . . . amused at seeing Foxy since it sounded like it was directed towards the robot. “What did you say, Dale?”

“Hmm?” he looked over at Wren, “I didn’t say anything.”

Wren looked up at the speakers; they were still playing soft classical music, so doubtful that they made that strange sound too. “Sorry, must have heard the music.”

Finally securing all the mausoleums, Dal brought Wren back to the Main parking lot where her car was, the Sun had fully set beyond the horizon and was giving way to the silver glow of the moon and the orange lamps of the streetlights.

“And that’s about it,” he finished, putting the truck in park. “Then sometimes, I sit out here. . . Make sure no one tried to climb over the fence. But you can drive around and I’ll let someone else watch it for you.”

“I’ll do the watch, it gives me time to finish knitting this sweater I’ve been working on,” she offered, getting out of the car. “Thanks for showing me around, Dale. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“No problem! You be careful driving home, say hi to your dad for me!”

“Will do! Come on Foxy.” Foxy, who was now sitting in the bed of the truck, rose up and hopped over the side of the truck, making it rock from the sudden lack of weight as he made his way over to join Wren’s side. “Say, Dale, I forgot to ask,” Wren started when she paused her walk over to her car. “Is it true? I mean, I heard that there’s like this . . . mansion that people have been trying to get into?”

Dale rubbed his chin, “Mansion? Oh yeah, there is this mansion-er I believe it’s called Hightower Manor? Yeah, it’s over there west of this road. . .” He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Say, you’re not trying to get inside too, are ya?”

She shook her head, “Oh no-no, it’s not that, I heard that is why I was assigned here. To help with the increase of trespassers here trying to get into that manor?”

“Hmm, yeah that's true. But I’ve seen these ‘ghost hunter’ trespassers in all the lawns and even properties I’ve worked at,” he shrugged, “That mansion is no different than the cookie factory I worked at before it got closed down for that shopping mall. Besides, it looks quite nice and there’s people who live there so I don’t think there’s nothing to worry about. Give it a year, people will forget about it and go elsewhere.”

“Right, well, it’s getting very late-I mean, early morning. Thank you again for showing me around,” Wren interrupted as she pulled back her sleeve on her jacket to dramatically look at her watch. It was only 1:30 in the morning, she had gone to bed on work nights way later than that, besides even on days off she would stay up almost all night long. Of course, now she had Foxy to blame, ever since the pizzeria had closed down sooner than scheduled, Wren was allowed to take Foxy’s internal hard drive from his old and heavily rusted animatronic body and replaced into a new animatronic frame. Needless to say, it was not a cheap thing to do and sometimes as Wren could hear him stalking around the house, she wondered if she had made a mistake bringing him home.

“Of course, I’ll get the gate for you.” He pulled away to park next to the gate as Wren helped Foxy get into the car. As she took her seat in the driver’s side, Wren looked over at the huge robot crouched in her backseat.

“What do you think? Should we drive by? Just to take a peek?” Foxy furrowed his brows and frown. Turning the key, Wren tried to convince him, “Oh, come on, I’m not going to stop, we’ll just drive by. Besides, Tasty Burger is in that direction I believe.” If he could sigh, surely he didn’t need to do so audibly as Foxy’s shoulder sloped down as if he did sighed and rolled his eyes in defeat. “Thanks Foxy-Loxy, you’re the best.”

The car puttered off of the cemetery lot and turned left on the road. Streetlights were placed so far apart, most of the road was almost pitch black with trees and bushes heavily lining one side of the road opposite of the cemetery property. No doubt it was to try to block the homeowners’ view of the cemetery and reminder of the inevitable just across the street. Soon the rolling tall hills with glinting flat headstone markers gave way to the taller, much more impressively ornate headstones and monuments that glowed an haunting white aura under the pale light of the moon and streetlamps.

Finally, a tall brick wall severely cut off the field of tombstones and it was replaced with a huge lawn of grass, pruned shrubbery and trees. Wren slowed her car down to a coast and both she and Foxy craned their heads to get a look. There, sitting atop a hill as it almost on cue sat the mansion.

It appeared to be a fairly large home instead of the much giant castles that Hollywood stars of now live in, but this was surely the same home, Wren recognized the four distinct pillars that marked the entrance of the home. Unable to see much of the home due to how strangely dark the property was, Wren frown. “Hah, well Foxy, that was anticlimactic-”

She gasped as she turned her attention to the road. Wren slammed on the brakes and swerved into the next lane, then fishtailed back into her original lane before, with tires screeching, her car took a skidding slide across the entire road and finally came to a skidding halt in the shoulder of the opposing traffic lane. Thank God she was the only one in the road, she thought to herself, feeling her body running ice cold with the sudden adrenaline spike surging through her, gripping the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip.

Once the car had came to a complete stop, Foxy lift his head from his brace position and leered at Wren. She took noticed in the rear view mirror. “Hey now, don’t give me that look, Foxy! I just saw someone close to the street!”

The petite woman placed her car in park and staggered out of the vehicle. She cursed under her breath as she walked over to the street, shining her flashlight down the road. “Alright jerk, where the hell. . . are . . . you?” Wren swept the light side to side down the road, but all she saw was the tire marks on the road that emitted the smell of burning rubber still. A glint suddenly flashed in the shadow of the bushes, making her step back. “What the-?”

“Miss! Hey, miss!” a voice called from behind. Wren turned to see she had stopped her car next to the gated entrance of none other than that of the grand house. There on the other side of the gate was an elderly-looking man, white hair stuck out in wild tufts from underneath his cap. He wore a green scarf around his skinny neck and his clothes and jacket just seem to hung off his hunched frame like it was one size too large for the man. “Are you alright? I-I heard the sound so I came over to see if I could help,” he stammered.

“I’m fine, just. . . just almost hit a deer or something,” she lied, looking over her shoulder at where the flashlight had caught that glint. whatever it was, it was gone now. She approached the man at the gate, getting a good look at his appearance and noticed he looked quite unnaturally gaunt. His cheeks sunken in his face and in his right hand, he held aloft an old-fashion oil lantern.

He sighed in relief. “Good, well I’m glad you are OK, miss. The roads are quite dangerous if you are not careful.”

“I now see that they are. Umm, thank you sir for checking on me, I’ll be leaving then.”

“Oh, alright,” the man said, watching her go back to her car. As Wern opened the door, he quickly called out, “You be careful now!” Wren gave him a wave as she reversed her car off the grassy shoulder and, once she was clear that no cars were coming down the road her way, drove back over to her side of the road. The mansion slowly fading from her view and into the darkness.

A few more seconds of feeling Foxy’s gaze of concern on the back of her head got Wren to finally answer him. “Yeah, I’m not really feeling like burgers tonight. Let’s . . . Let’s just go home, Foxy.”

#The Haunted Manse #Jen's Fanfiction #HM FanFiction #Part 1

2 notes · View notes