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dclsbaby · 3 years

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traitor - Dominic Calvert-Lewin 🦋

Summary: you reflect on your relationship, realised you've been wronged and should've trusted your gut

Warnings: mentions of alcohol

Word Count: 2.1k

masterlist

Brown guilty eyes and,

Little white lies,

I played dumb, but I always knew

That you talked to her, maybe did even worse

I kept quiet so I could keep you

It’s his green-hazel eyes that dissipate every logic, every sense of reason you had. It’s the way he would roll over to your side of the bed each morning to savour another 5 minutes before he has to leave, that made you feel yearned for and wanted. It’s the lingering kisses on your neck, on each shoulder and collarbone, that convinced you you’re the only one. It’s the grand dreams shared with you about your future together, filled with kids and their tiny jerseys, that made you believe his little white lies.

You had ignored the tingling sensation in the pit of your stomach that felt nothing like the butterflies you experienced on your first date with Dom. The feeling told you to succumb to your suspicions and unlock his phone, scroll through his messages and social media interactions. No, the feeling demanded you to swipe his phone, lock yourself in the bathroom, overstep boundaries, and find evidence of another woman. But that wasn’t who you are. You respected boundaries, and decided against it. You loved him enough to give him the benefit of the doubt.

The paranoia began to grow when you noticed the little things, such as the way he would put his phone screen-side down on the counter, or the way he brought it everywhere like it’s a part of him, even in the bathroom, or that he wouldn’t leave its sight when it's being charged. Then, these signs started getting stronger and more frequent. He’d get phone calls when you’re having dinner and every time you ask who it is, you’re always met with, “No one important enough to take me away from you,” and a kiss to suppress your suspicions.

Does he have anything to hide? You often ask yourself. Do I really want to know? Another voice asks.

You knew, deep down, that your gut was right. You knew what was happening behind your back.

It’s always the girl they tell you not to worry about.

You were first introduced to her one evening at a club event. Dom referred to her as the ‘girl with the magic hands’, to which you cringed at the innuendo. That was the first warning sign you ignored. Although shortly after exchanging names, you learned that she works at the training ground as a masseuse. Magic hands, makes sense, you thought. It did not make you feel better though.

You could see her appeal. You could imagine Dom and his teammates steal a glance, their eyes lingering much longer than they should. You could hear the locker room talk, words of adoration spilling from their mouths. Her charm is magnetising. She’s bubbly, she’s awfully kind. But did she really have to look like she could be on the cover of Playboy circa 2004 too? Though her beauty’s not your lack, it did not help with your brewing paranoia.

You can’t help but think she’s the reason he’s been staying back late at the training ground, why he comes home wearing a different shirt to the one he left with in the morning, and why he doesn’t talk about his day much anymore, as it probably mostly consisted of being lathered up in oil and getting sensual massages by a hot masseuse. The thought always made you sick to your stomach.

The overthinking had convinced you he had been seeing another woman right in front of you this whole time. But pretending that everything’s alright was so much easier than the inevitable confrontation, the accusation, the fight, the ending. So you kept quiet so you could keep him, and live in the false fairytale you try so hard to become reality.

Until you couldn't anymore.

—

And ain't it funny how you ran to her

The second that we called it quits?

And ain't it funny how you said you were friends?

Now it sure as hell don't look like it

You and Dom stayed friends after your relationship ran its course, for the first couple of weeks, at least. The days leading up to the break up were plagued with arguments over the little things like missing dinner plans and not keeping the room tidy, which led to bigger fights where you accused him of not being in love with you. Of course, he vehemently denied this, but you thought he didn’t fight for you enough. He didn’t push back, he didn’t give you a reason to stay, and that was enough for you to know that your relationship never stood a chance. You could handle disagreements and a few fights, but when you’ve been led to question your own worth—it’s done.

In the end, it was a mutual break up. It made sense, he needed to focus on his football and the constant fights weren’t helping his concentration. It was hard for him to leave each morning knowing you both went to bed angry, and although he would spend the drive home practicing his apologies, he would come home to find you fast asleep in bed before he could even make amends. As for you, well, you had to look for love elsewhere.

All seemed well until he turned more and more sour by the day. Sure, you didn’t expect to be glued to his hip at all times, or be the best of friends—you two broke up for a reason. But what you did not expect were the bitter remarks, the one-word replies, the sarcastic comments that portrayed the antithesis of who he was when he was with you.

Now you bring her around just to shut me down

Show her off like she's a new trophy

And I know if you were true

There's no damn way that you

Could fall in love with somebody that quickly

It all made sense when you began receiving texts from your friends attached with a photo of him with a young fan. You thought it was odd, why were you sent pictures of your ex with a fan, of all things? But there she was, in the background of the photo. Of course. Of course it was her.

More pictures started coming through of both of them in his black Range Rover driving around town, having coffee at your favourite coffee shop. You curse at him, now you have to find a new place to get your coffee. The pictures that stung the most were of the pair of them driving to the training centre together. Imagine the sight of a new couple in town pulling onto the Finch Farm carpark. You knew it wasn’t just a friendly carpool. She’s been staying on my side of the bed, you thought. Meanwhile, you’re still seeking the warmth from his side of the bed.

It dawned on you how much of a fool you’ve been. You feel angry for not trusting your gut, for letting yourself get played, for letting yourself take the beatings from people who had accused you for being with him for his money when it was you who was taken advantage of. If the love he had for you was true, it wouldn’t have taken him that quickly to find someone new.

—

You sat on your sofa for hours. Waiting to feel something other than numbness, the tingling sensation on the tip of your fingers from the shock is no longer there. The numbness eventually turned to chills, so you reach for a blanket in the woven basket next to the sofa. You wrap yourself into a cocoon, though all you wanted was to be a butterfly, spread your wings, and fly away. Pathetic. Even my metaphors remind me of him.

Feeling sorry for yourself, you sluggishly stood up and dragged your body to the kitchen and pulled out three different bottles of alcohol from the cupboard—ignoring what a senior had told you in uni to never mix alcohol unless you want to get absolutely wasted. You grab the glass from the top shelf, a cocktail shaker that came with the set your friend had got you for a secret santa gift, and make yourself a drink. One drink turned to two, to three. Then, you started watching recipe videos on YouTube on how to make a pornstar martini, which led to another two. 5 drinks in total. Lucky number 5.

After making a mess on the kitchen island, feeling delirious, you stumble across your flat, bumping a table on your way back to the living room, leaving a bruise on your hip that will hurt in the morning. The alcohol running through your veins giving you the urge to belt out a ballad and pour your heart out, so you somehow managed to open your music and play a song.

Don’t you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded?

Don’t you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing?

You belted every word, not caring if your neighbours could hear you drunkenly sing the words to a depressing ballad about not being enough for a boy.

Realising with what’s left of your consciousness that your balance is becoming unsteady, you stagger your way to your bedroom, extending your arms, careful to not run yourself into any walls.

Upon reaching your bedroom, you undress yourself into just a bra and underwear and dive face first into your made up bed, curl up under the warm covers, and blankly stare at the ceiling. The lights appear as though it’s duplicating with every blink—you could’ve sworn there were only two.

With each passing second, you begin having flashbacks of him. Images of the bedroom you once shared which looks nothing like the room you’re in now tattooed in your brain. Whispers of “I love you,” and “you’re the love of my life,” haunt you as you try to shut your ears with your hands, desperate to rid of his voice. You feel angrier and angrier by the minute, waves of sadness taking over your body. You wanted him to know how you felt. You wanted him to know how badly he’s hurt you, something your sober self would never admit.

So you do what your gut tells you, no sense of reason in the way to stop you from unlocking your phone, scrolling until you’ve reached ‘D’ on your contact list, and clicking the name you’re looking for.

*ring*

Pick up.

*ring*

You asshole, pick up.

*ring*

Fuck this, I—

“Hello,” a hoarse voice answers. You inhale a sharp breath.

His voice. The exact voice you hear every morning at 6:45am as he kisses you goodbye.

“You, you betrayed me,” you slurred as you made your way to your bedroom. He takes the phone off his ear to look at the Caller ID again, squinting at the bright light. “(Y/N)? Are you okay?” Dom jolted at your voice, the concern in his voice ever so clear, afraid that you might not be okay.

“And I know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt,” your speech slows down with every syllable, ignoring his question. The sound of his breath tickles your ear, making you squirm a little. On the other line, there he was, awake from his sleep, listening silently to your drunken voice, his heart breaking all over again. “(Y/N), have you been drinking?” he asks, though he knows the answer.

“You talked to her when we were together,” finally throwing the accusation you never would’ve said to his face. He finally put together why you were not yourself towards the end of the relationship, you were convinced he was cheating on you. “I never—it has always been you, only you,” you ignore him. “I promise”, he whispers softly, trying to convince you with what’s left of his heart. He wants you to believe him so badly, but he doesn't know what else to say. Pain revisits him each time he tries to convince you that you’re the only one he’s ever been in love with.

“Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter,” you laugh humourlessly, remembering all the times you wanted to be assured, to be convinced that you were the only one, but his actions suggest otherwise and your paranoia ate you alive. He didn't fight for you even when it was the last straw.

“You gave me your word,” alluding to each time he would tell you that no one else compares to you, each time he made promises about your future together. “It took you two weeks to go off and date her”, you accuse him. “I’m not with anyone,” he says under his breath, knowing you’re too drunk to remember what he says.

“(Y/N)?” Dom asks when he couldn’t hear anything from your end. “Please, can we talk, I—“ “God, I wish that you had thought this through,” you cut him off, your eyes getting heavier by the second, “before I went and fell in love with you”.

There it was. The sentence that ripped him to shreds. The idea that you might have regretted him, regretted being in love with him broke him to bits. He hadn’t realised the damage he’d done during your relationship, and what he did after your break up was unnecessary. He knew what it would look like, to be seen out with her. But he did it anyway to hurt you.

After consuming way too much alcohol, your body feels it’s full effect as your phone slips from your hand and you cave into your tired body.

He hears a loud thump on the other line.

“(Y/N)? Are you there? I—I still love you, can you hear me?”

Line’s dead.

Guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.

#dominic calvert lewin #dominic calvert lewin imagine #dominic calvert lewin imagines #football imagine #dclsbaby

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ais-for-alex · 3 years

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The Scars of Our Past: Chapter 25

Hi all, things are happening in this chapter!! I’m very excited for y’all to read it and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do 😄

(Filet ‘O Feesh): Just letting you know I’m going out with some of the team for drinks

(Filet ‘O Feesh): I won’t be back until late so don’t wait up for me

(You): Alright have fun :Smiley Emoji:

Why are you staying up for him? He said he won’t be back until late, you’re obsessed.

Leo sighed and purposefully clicked on a YouTube video welcoming the sound of music flowing through his earbuds.

I’m not waiting up for Him, I’m up late searching for music so I don’t get dropped by Madam Maxine, he thought to himself squirming back into the crease of the couch and moving on to another song. Leo had been flipping through song after song for hours desperately looking for one that felt right for his program, unfortunately though it felt like he had listened to every single piece of music on the internet but nothing had caught his attention yet.

Leo let himself get lost in the music, barely noticing the sun sinking in the sky leaving the room cast in darkness, only the light of his laptop and the moonlight streaming through the window illuminating the living room. Sighing again he clicked on yet another piece of music, his ears ached slightly from wearing his headphones for so long.

He was so completely absorbed in the ebb and flow of countless melodies Leo nearly jumped out of his skin when suddenly a loud bang filtered through the music. The living room was washed in bright blinding light as someone flicked on the switch, Leo pulled out his headphones and looked over at the front door curiously. He was shocked to see a man he didn’t recognize stumble into the entryway, he was tall, surprisingly enough he almost looked even taller than Leo himself. The man had an arm wrapped around the limp form of another person Leo couldn't quite make out, he was practically dragging them into the apartment. As he watched the tall man struggle under the weight of whoever they were carrying, Leo caught a flash of bright auburn hair; he was shocked to realize it was Finn.

“Oh my god! What happened?” he asked, jumping up from the couch and making his way over to the entryway.

“Leo?” Finn asked looking up groggily, his face was flushed from alcohol but seemed to light up the moment his eyes caught hold of Leo, his lips broke into a wide smile that made his eyes squint.

“Peanut Butter Cup!” he cried out, struggling out of the tall man's grasp and flinging himself into Leo’s arms.

He couldn’t help the little oof at the impact of Finn’s body crashing into him completely lax as Leo easily wrapped him up in his arms holding him close and secure. Finn sighed happily and pressed his face into the crook of Leo's neck mumbling something unintelligible, evidently he was completely content to be held in his arms.

“You Leo?” the man asked, voice heavy and thick with a Russian accent, “Harz talk about you, new roommate, new friend?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” Leo said, chuckling a bit at the way Finn’s fluffy hair was tickling his neck as he pressed in further wrapping his arms around Leo’s waist.

The tall man laughed, his eyes crinkling in amusement at Finn's inebriated state, “Harz is cuddle drunk, he drink too much tonight. Normal not drink much, now drink too much.”

“I see that,” Leo grinned at that way Finn was still mumbling against his shoulder.

“Hey Kuns, you get Harz in there ok?” another voice came from out in the hall a moment before another man came into view. He wasn’t quite as tall but he had a large muscular build and a long jagged scar running down the side of his face. “Oh, hi. I assume you’re Leo?” he said stepping into the apartment with the rest of them and holding his hand out in greeting, “I’m Jackson, but you can call me Nado if you want, this is Kuny,” he nodded at the taller man next to him.

Leo shifted Finn’s weight so that he was holding him up with one arm and took Nado’s hand, “Nice to meet you guys, I take it you’re both on the Lions?”

“Yeah, this lush dragged us out after the game then proceeded to get pissed out of his mind. Not that I really blame him, Fishy here had a bit of a rough go of it tonight.”

Leo blinked in surprise at Nado’s words, “What do you mean?”

He watched as Nado and Kuny exchanged a meaningful look, an entire conversation happening in the silence.

“You know I think we’ll let him tell you himself when he’s a bit more coherent,” Jackson finally answered. “Anyway, it’s getting late so you mind if we leave him in your hands?”

“Yeah, no problem,” Leo answered without hesitation, “thanks for getting him home.”

Nado and Kuny bid them goodnight and made a quick exit, the front door falling shut with a click behind them.

“Alright, come on you,” Leo said with a chuckle, tightening his arms around Finn who was still cuddled into his side mumbling nonsense against his neck, “let’s get you to bed ok?” Leo held Finn's limp form close, dragging him towards his room. It was a bit of a task detangling Finn's arms from around his body but eventually Leo was able to get him to fall back onto his bed, he let out a huff at the impact against the pillows before beginning to giggle uncontrollably.

Leo chuckled at the sight as he moved to pull off his shoes that were sticky with spilled drinks, Finn’s laughter eventually died down and turned into a groan as he rolled onto his side and curled into a ball wrapping his arms around his stomach.

“Le?” he croaked out as Leo pulled a blanket up over him, “I don’t feel good.”

He huffed a sympathetic laugh and sat at the edge of the bed a little smile tugging at his lips at the sight of Finn, Leo couldn’t seem to stop himself from reaching out and pushing some of that fluffy auburn hair off his flushed face.

“That's cause you’re drunk, Sugar. Try to sleep it off, ok?”

Leo stood to leave but he was stopped by Finn's hand grabbing his wrist, and when he looked down at the man he found chocolate eyes swimming in tears, “Why doesn’t he love me, Le? Why does he always run away from me? Why…” Finn suddenly sat up and moved to the edge of his bed where he had stopped Leo from walking away, “I just want… I want him to love me back. I just want someone to love me.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Leo sighed, his heart breaking at the sadness and the loneliness pouring out of the man in front of him.

Finn reached out and wrapped his arms around Leo’s waist tugging him forward and pressing his face into the soft part of Leo’s stomach mumbling over and over, “Why doesn’t he love me?”

“Finn,” Leo whispered trying to get his attention but Finn simply held him tighter, “hey, look at me.” Leo cupped a hand against Finn's jaw and gently tilted his head back, big brown eyes blinked up at him through eyelashes dark with tears. “Finn, you are so loved.”

Finn squeezed his eyes closed and shook his head as if to say no I’m not.

“Sweetheart, how do you not see that? I can hear you when you’re on the phone with your parents, with your brother, they love you. And your team, those guys become your family and I know they love you too. And Logan,” Leo paused and watched as Finn opened his eyes and stared up at him, “I think Logan loves you more than he even has words to express.”

“Then…” Finn took a shaky breath, “then why does he keep running away from me?”

Leo felt his heart break, he gently threaded his fingers into Finn's soft hair comfortingly, “I don’t know, sweetheart,” he answered sadly. “But, if I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably because he’s scared. Finn, falling in love with your best friend is terrifying, and I know you know that.” Leo carefully wiped away the tear tracks of Finn's face, he let his fingertips trail down to brush against the red shadow of stubble that had begun covering his jaw. “Unfortunately, not everybody can be as brave as you are.”

“I said something horrible to him today,” Finn said with a sniffle pressing his face back against Leo’s stomach. “I called him a coward,” he whispered into the soft fabric of his shirt.

Leo thought for a moment a little surprised by the revelation, “I don’t know what made you say that Fish, and I’m not saying it's ok,” he combed his fingers soothingly through soft auburn hair, “but if I know you at all I know you didn’t say it just to be hurtful.”

“Leo? What about you?” Finn asked in a small voice, face still buried against his stomach.

“What about me?” Leo asked, genuinely a bit confused about what Finn was asking.

Finn pulled away and looked up at Leo with those big brown eyes of his, still glistening with tears and hazy from alcohol, “Do you love me?”

Leo bit back the urge to say yes right then and there. His heart ached to tell Finn, but now wasn’t the right time, when he was lost in alcohol and sadness. Instead all Leo could do was smile down at him softly, he brushed away a bit of fluffy hair from Finn’s forehead and leaned down to press a chaste kiss there.

“I care about you Finn,” he whispered, “I care about you a lot, but we should leave it at that for tonight, sweetheart. If that’s a question you still want answered in the morning, we can talk about it then, Ok?”

Finn nodded, seeming to accept Leo’s answer. His whole body swayed and his eyes began to flutter shut, Leo grinned thinking that if it weren't for the arms still locked around his waist Finn probably would have just fallen backwards onto his bed.

“Le, ‘m’sleepy,” he said, the words slurring worse than before as he leaned forward and pressed his face into Leo’s hip, evidently content to fall asleep sitting up and just letting Leo hold his weight.

“Alright, bedtime now,” Leo huffed a soft laugh and began to unwrap Finn's arms from his waist. However it seemed that he had vastly underestimated Finn's lucidity as suddenly he tightened his arms and bodily hauled Leo down onto the bed, or more accurately onto himself. Leo gasped in surprise, finding that he was now straddling Finn's torso, as the man between his thighs had simply fallen backwards and taken Leo with him.

“Oh, come on Fish, you gotta let me go, I thought you wanted to sleep?” Leo laughed trying to pull himself off.

“No, don’t leave,” Finn whined, “please.”

Leo shook his head and sighed exasperatedly, “Alright, fine. I’ll stay, but you have to let go so I can lay down because I’m not gonna sit here straddling you all night.”

Finn giggled a little at that but loosened his arms letting Leo slide off of him and settle onto his back. Almost instantly Finn curled back into his side, pressing his face into the hollow of Leo’s throat and sighing happily content in the warm embrace.

“You really are a cuddly drunk,” Leo huffed a laugh but threaded his fingers through Finn's soft hair combing through the silky strands over and over soothingly. “You happy now?” he asked, voice low and gentle, smiling softly when the only response he got was a quiet snore.

***

Leo’s whole body felt warm and tingly as he slowly rose to the surface of consciousness. Finn was a comforting weight in his arms, on his chest, his entire body covering Leo’s like the human version of a weighted blanket. At some point in the night he had shifted, snuggling closer and closer until he was laying more on Leo than the mattress, tangling their legs together under the sheets, and pressing every inch of their bodies together seeking the comfort of Leo’s warmth, the beat of his heart.

Finn still had his face tucked into his neck making that soft hair of his fluff up into Leo’s face and his lips press softly against the tendons there with each breath. Leo breathed in, pulling oxygen deep into his lungs trying to help wake up his brain, he chuckled though, soft and sleepy when a few auburn strands got caught in his mouth.

Currently, Leo had his arms wrapped around Finn one hand had snaked up the back of his shirt to press into the firm muscle of his shoulder while his other hand was splayed against the dip of his lower back holding him close and secure in their sleep. Leo tightened his arms and relished in the happy little sigh Finn breathed into his neck. He let his hands slide down that soft skin carefully, not wanting to wake the man in his arms.

Leo didn't want to move, he never wanted this soft quiet moment with Finn pressed so very close to him to end. Unfortunately though, it had to. Only the night before Finn had been crying for the love of another, and as much as his heart begged him to stay there cherishing in the warmth, Leo couldn’t bear the thought of just being the stand in for someone else.

He knew he probably shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and pressing a tender kiss into auburn bedhead. Leo breathed him in for just a moment more before gently rolling Finn onto his side so he could slip out of bed without disturbing his sleep.

Stumbling groggily from Finn’s room Leo yawned hugely, reaching up towards the ceiling and stretching out his long limbs, feeling various joints crack and pop as he did. Their apartment was quiet, filled with golden morning light as he wandered into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. He snagged a glass from the cupboard and filled it with cool water before heading back towards Finn’s room, stopping for just a moment to grab some Aspirin out of the medicine cabinet on the way.

Leo couldn't hold back the soft chuckle at the sight he found, Finn had pulled a pillow into his chest and curled his entire body around it until he was in a tight ball in the middle of his bed. He had kicked the sheets and blankets down until they were just covering his feet. Leo carefully set the water and pills on his bedside table then before he could think better of it he reached out and bushed the back of his fingers against Finn’s cheek feeling the scratch of stubble there.

Stop it, Leo’s hand flinched back retreating from Finn’s soft sleeping face, you know if you wanted to torture yourself there are easier methods. Why are you still hoping for something? He very clearly is in love with Logan.

Leo squeezed his eyes shut trying to silence the thoughts, he let out a wistful sigh and turned away from Finn still sleeping peacefully in his bed. Wandering over to his own room Leo pulled on some fresh clothes before padding back into the kitchen in his socks. His stomach grumbled as he opened the fridge to peer into its contents.

What exactly were you supposed to cook for the man you like when he had just told you he was in love with someone else? Someone that you also happen to like? Leo asked himself, finally just rolling his eyes in exasperation and began pulling out a variety of ingredients with quiet “Fuck it, we’re doing omelets.”

As he was beginning on the prep work Leo heard the sound of the shower turning on. He chuckled under his breath knowing Finn had probably rolled out of bed and immediately stumbled into the shower wanting to wash off the lingering reminders of his night out drinking. Leo sighed as he reached out and flicked on the burner, placing down strips of bacon once the pan had gotten hot and watching them crackle and pop in the heat. The kitchen steadily filled with the aroma of fresh brewed coffee and cooking bacon making Leo’s stomach grumble again.

Just as he was pulling the last strip of bacon out of the pan Leo heard the soft pad of Finn’s footfalls coming closer, making their way towards the kitchen. Towards Leo. Breathing in deep, he felt tension tight in his shoulders, finally he sighed and turned to find Finn himself standing at the opening of their kitchen. Leo fought the urge to gasp audibly at the sight of him, it seemed Finn had opted to forgo a shirt leaving his dark, damp hair to drip onto his bare shoulders. He was clad in just a pair of simple loose jeans that hung low on his narrow waist.

Leo felt his stomach do that swoopy squirmy thing, as he watched a water droplet drip from Finn’s hair and slide down his strong pale chest, his eyes following it as it slid down his toned stomach until it soaked into the waistband of his jeans. Suddenly realizing he was basically ogling his roommate, Leo snapped his eyes back up to Finn’s face only to find a somewhat teasing smirk there. That smirk turned a bit softer, into an almost sheepish smile at the blush that rose high in Leo’s cheeks.

“Morning Fish,” he said, finally breaking the quiet sanctuary that had settled over their apartment in the golden sunlight, “how’s that hangover treating you?”

Finn chuckled and let his gaze fall to the floor somewhat bashfully, “Not as bad as I thought it would, I’ve definitely had worse” he replied reaching up to rub the back of his neck anxiously. “Thank you by the way, for the Aspirin. That was thoughtful.”

“Hmm,” Leo hummed, not sure what to say to Finn’s earnest tone, “no problem.” He glanced away tuning to flick off the stove, out of the corner of his eye Leo could see Finn moving closer, stopping when he was just barely an arms length away.

“So…” Finn started, maybe a bit nervously, “I think I recall you promising me we could have a conversation this morning?”

Leo ‘s eyes shot back up to Finn’s, not having expected him to even remember their conversation from the night before let alone want to actually continue it. All he found in those soft brown eyes was open honesty as Finn patiently waited for Leo’s answer.

“You remember that?”

Finn swallowed and nodded, “I remember everything from last night, I guess I wasn’t too far gone after all. You don’t have to say it,” Finn said alluding to his question from the night before, “I know it’s probably way too soon for that. But… when you say you care for me, do you- do you mean that?”

Leo bit his lip taking in the way Finn had his hip cocked against the counter he had snagged a piece of plastic wrapper off the counter and was twisting it in his hands nervously but his eyes remained on Leo, waiting.

“Yeah, I do mean it,” Leo finally answered, trying his best to push away his own lingering anxiety that seemed to course through his system, “I like you, Finn.”

Finn let out a huffed exhale, “I- I don’t really know what to do with that information,” he said softly, taking a little step forward bringing them closer.

“You can do anything you want with it, Sugar,” Leo replied, inching a bit closer to Finn himself.

“Can- can I do this?” he asked, taking the last step separating them before leaning up to press a soft kiss to Leo’s lips.

Leo sighed into the kiss as his eyes fluttered closed, feeling every bit of tension melt out of his body at the gentle slide of Finn's lips on his own. It was slow, questioning, as if Finn was asking that same question with his lips as he did with his voice. Leo pressed in, deepening their kiss and hoping desperately that Finn would understand his answer; hoping that in the slide of his tongue, in the bite of his teeth, in every gasp that fell from their lips Finn would understand how much Leo wanted him.

Standing there in their kitchen the two of them slowly deprived themselves of oxygen long enough that they had to finally pull away from each other. Leo still had his eyes closed, panting to catch his breath, his forehead pressed to Finn’s who was breathing just as hard.

“Yes,” Leo whispered, “sweetheart, god yes,” he panted hotly. He had to make sure that Finn understood, had to make sure his answer was seared into Finn’s very soul. Leo pulled him in by the hips crashing their bodies together and catching his lips again, this time he made it deep, and hot, until a soft little whine caught in Finn’s throat. Leo let his hand slide down into the dip of Finn’s back splaying his fingers wide letting a couple just slip past the waistband of those loose faded jeans. He pulled Finn close, keeping their hip pressed flush together and under his touch, under the press of his fingertips into soft skin, Leo almost felt it as Finn’s nerves vanished.

Leo revelled in the feeling of their bodies moving together as Finn began to give back just as much heat, licking and sucking until he had pulled the very air from Leo’s lungs. Strong arms reached up and wrapped around his shoulders allowing nimble fingers to twist into the curls at the back of his neck, Leo couldn't hold back the groan from low in his chest when those fingers pulled gently.

It had been so long since Leo had felt heat like this, so long since it felt like every atom in his body was screaming to get as close as humanly possible to someone else, to Finn. Honestly, in that moment Leo was sure that if there was even an inch of space between their bodies he would have cried out in agony, cried out at the loss of Finn’s touch, his warmth.

Before he let his brain think better of it Leo reached down and cupped his hands around the backs of Finn’s thighs and hauled him up into his arms. Leo swallowed down the surprised gasp that fell from Finn’s lips at being suddenly picked up, he was quick to relax into it though easily wrapping his legs around Leo’s waist and tightening his grip in his hair.

Setting him down on the counter Leo stayed there pressed between Finn’s knees, loving the little gasps and sighs falling from his lips as he slid a hand up a denim clad thigh. Leo didn’t think he would ever get tired of feeling the shivers running through Finn’s body when he pressed a palm against his toned stomach, when he slid it up his side brushing his fingertips over each ridge of his ribcage.

Sitting up on the counter Finn was now tall enough that Leo had to tilt his head upwards to stay connected, he couldn't help but huff a soft chuckle at that it’s so rare that he has to be the one looking up. The thought was fleeting though, as Finn pulled a gasp out of his lungs, fingers tangled in Leo’s hair, his palm cupping the back of his neck.

“You know,” Finn panted when they separated for a moment to catch their breath, he kept his legs wrapped around Leo’s waist holding him close, “you are deceptively strong.” He hummed low in his throat and caught his lower lip between his teeth, “you look so lean but god, the fact that you just picked me up like a rag doll…” Finn’s words trailed off as Leo chuckled softly leaning in to press a kiss against his jaw, then down the pale skin on his neck. He relished in the feeling of Finn’s hands pressing into the muscle of his shoulders, grasping at his back as his mouth wandered lower, his tongue dipping into the hollow of Finn's collar bone.

“How much do you lift?” Finn said through gasped breaths, his body trembling under the press of Leo’s lips.

Leo couldn’t help but laugh at that, he buried his face into Finn's shoulder in an attempt to stifle it, “that’s what you’re thinking about right now?”

“I’m sorry,” Finn said, his own laughter reverberating into Leo, “I can’t help it. Please just tell me, it’s gonna bug me if you don’t.”

A hot rush of affection ran through Leo, it pooled in his stomach and made him smile so wide he couldn’t have hidden it if he tried. He hummed softly and began pressing soft sweet kisses back up the column of Finn’s throat, loving the vibration against his lips when Finn nearly purred at the feeling. Finn tipped his head back making the cabinet behind them clatter as he rested it there.

“You’re cute,” Leo said, sucking a dark bruise just under Finn’s jaw, his teeth scraping against the tender skin, “and around 350.”

Finn huffed and pulled Leo back up to catch his lips in another searing kiss, Leo felt like every place the two of them touched was melting, burning in the heat of Finn, his touch. Leo could barely breathe from the intensity.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered breathlessly, pulling away from Finn just a bit. “Wait,” he started letting their foreheads rest together, Leo still had his eyes closed.

“Why are we stopping?” Finn asked softly, panting just as hard.

“Because, I- we should talk about this,” Leo said, finally blinking his eyes open to watch Finn’s reaction, “you know before we just jump in, both feet first,” he smoothed his hands up those strong thighs still wrapped around his waist.

“Do we have to,” he whispered, keeping his eyes shut.

“Sugar,” Leo murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Finn’s cheekbone where the tear tracks from the night before had long since been wiped away, “last night you were crying in my arms because you’re convinced Logan doesn't love you. Sweetheart, we have to talk about it.”

Finn cracked a little smile at that, “I suppose you’re right,” he said, fingers playing with the curls at the back of Leo’s neck sending tingles and shivers down his spine.

“Fish,” Leo started, his hands wrapping around Finn’s hips, his fingers finding purchase on warm skin, “what is there between you and Logan? I just- I’ve gotta know, because I care for you,” Leo leaned in to press his face into Finn’s chest, “but I don’t want to be a replacement, or a placeholder for someone else.”

“Oh Leo, no,” Finn said, holding him tighter in his arms, “I’ve never thought of you like that. And this thing with me and Lo… I- I wish I had an easy answer for you. Hell, what I wouldn’t do for an easy answer for myself.” Finn let one of his hands slide down Leo’s back, pressing into the dip between his shoulder blades, “Logan is… he’s the love of my life, has been since the day I met him. But he won’t let me love him, and I can’t make him let me.” Finn’s voice was sad and introspective Leo could feel the gentle vibrations as he spoke, “but the things I feel for Logan don’t change the things I feel for you Leo, you’re not a replacement or a placeholder for Lo. You’re just- you’re different, you’re… you,” Finn pulled back a little and all Leo could do was look up into those big brown eyes as he whispered, “and I think I might be falling in love with you too.”

Leo took in a shuddering breath at those words not expecting the weight of them to settle onto his skin like warm bedsheets on a cold winter night.

“I know, it sounds crazy,” Finn continued, “how could someone be in love with two people at once? I’ve told myself so many times not to let myself fall for you, but then I see that beautiful smile of yours,” Finn cupped a palm against Leo’s cheek his thumb brushing softly against his kiss swollen lips making Leo smile almost unconsciously, “It make my heart feel like it’s gonna crack just at the sight of it and I know it’s too late, cause I’m already falling.”

“Leo, I don’t want to lose you. You’ve become very important to me,” Finn said, still holding Leo close like he was treasuring the feeling of him there in his arms, “but, I don’t want to lose Logan either. Not that I really have him, but I just- I want both of you. Is that wrong? Does that make me selfish?”

“No,” Leo said simply, hoping to stop Finn’s line of thinking in its tracks. “No, Finn, you’re not wrong or selfish for loving more than one person. And it doesn’t sound crazy at all to me, because Fish I would be a liar if I said I didn’t feel something for Logan too. Both of you are so unique and perfect in your own ways, how could I not feel for you two?”

Those beautiful chocolate brown eyes of Finns blinked down at Leo as if silently asking him ‘so what do we do now?’ Smiling softly up at him, Leo turned into the palm still cupping his cheek and pressed a kiss there.

“If you want,” he started, “we could just… see where this goes? Logan is unknown right now, but you and me, we could try?”

Finn’s smile was radiant at that simple offer, Leo could see relief break off of Finn like the calving of a glacier. His hands held Leo so tight it was like he was scared that if he let go now this new thing would float away on arctic waters, but Leo wasn’t going anywhere.

“I would love to try this with you,” Finn finally answered, and with that Leo leaned in and caught Finn’s lips in a kiss just because he could. It was soft and slow and filled with everything Leo had been feeling since the day they had met.

Leo let his mouth wander downwards, down Finn’s throat, his lips sliding over sharp collar bones. Finn sighed, his head falling back to clatter against the cabinet again when Leo’s teeth grazed over a nipple. Leo loved the smooth texture of Finn’s skin under his tongue, the way he could feel his heart beating faster under his lips as he continued toying with his nipple.

“Hmmm,” Leo hummed softly kissing a freckle at the edge of his nipple, “you know, my Nanna used to say that freckles were brown sugar. But yours,” he flicked his tongue over another freckle, “yours are cinnamon.”

“Le,” Finn gasped as Leo caught his nipple in his teeth again soothing over it with his tongue, “as sweet as that is, maybe let’s not talk about your grandma when you’re sucking on my nipples?”

Leo couldn’t hold back the laugh that bubbled up out of him as he pulled back away a bit, “Do you want me to stop then?” he asked looking up at Finn with a teasing smirk and one more flick of his tongue against his sensitive skin.

“Don’t you dare,” Finn breathed, he reached up and threaded his fingers into Leo’s curls, softly tugging him back towards his body. Chuckling lightly, Leo obliged, pressing his mouth back to Finn’s chest but continuing to move his lips downwards. Finn whined, his fingers tightening in his hair when Leo’s mouthed at the waistband of those faded blue jeans.

“Is this ok?” Leo whispered the question into Finn’s pelvis, hands smoothing up his thighs to toy with the button of his pants.

Unfortunately, before he was able to answer a loud alarm blared from Finn’s pocket making both of them jump in surprise, Leo could feel his heart racing in his chest.

“Damn it,” Finn sighed with a groan, he banged his head on the cabinet. “I’m sorry, I want to,” Leo felt Finn’s hand tighten in his hair before sliding down to cup his jaw, “I really want to, but I have to go. I’m gonna be late for practice. Can we… rain check?”

Leo huffed a laugh, “Yeah, we can do that,” he stood up straight and pressed a kiss to Finn’s mouth, “I’ll see you tonight? After practice?” he asked hopefully.

Finn grimaced and made a pained noise, “My brothers in town, I told him I’d go to dinner with him. ‘M sorry.”

“S’ok,” Leo murmured, his mouth wandering back to the dark bruise he had made on Finn’s neck and sucking, “when you get home then.”

Finn nodded as his alarm began blaring loud from his pocket again, he sighed and slid down off the counter, “I’ve gotta go,” he whispered, pressing one last soft kiss to Leo’s lips. Leo smiled softly at him as Finn moved out of his reach, rushing around the apartment, grabbing a sweatshirt off the back of the couch and pulling it over his head as he tried to shove his feet into a pair of sneakers. Snagging his keys off the counter Finn rushed towards the front door but paused just before he left, “Bye,” he said softly with a little wave to Leo.

“Bye,” he waved back just as Finn slipped through the door, leaving Leo alone in their apartment.

Read on AO3

Chapter 24 Chapter 26

#sweater weather #coast to coast #leo knut #logan tremblay #lumosinlove #finn o'hara #figure skating #hockey #getting together #fluff #fluff and angst #the scars of our past

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

Text

So Henry, you want to start a YouTube channel? - Chapter 1

Summary: Twenty five year old YouTuber Sandy Choi has no idea that one of her five million subscribers is the one and only Henry Cavill. When he asks her to help him out with starting his own YouTube channel, she falls more and more in love with her. But she should’ve known that dating one of the most desirable bachelors, does come with a prize.

Henry Cavill x Sandy Choi (ofc)

Warnings: None

Wordcount: 3.7k

A/N: If you want to be on the taglist, please let me know xx

Masterlist // Channel introduction // Previous chapter // Next chapter

It is finally done. I somehow finished the final edits of my newest novel. I mean, I love the book with all my heart and I do think that it’s one of the best books I’ve ever written so far, but if I have to read it one more time, I’m going to scream. In about a week, the advanced reader copies will go to the first beta readers. It’s a nerve wrecking part, but it does mean that the moment my book is going to be on the shelves, is one step closer.

To celebrate this glorious event, I decide to go my favorite cafe and edit my next YouTube video. Other people meditate, do yoga or get some exercise in to relax. For me editing is my form of relaxation.

Never in a million years would I have imagined that I would have five million subscribers. Five million people around the globe enjoy watching my vlogs, while I highly doubt I’m that interesting. Sure, I nowadays do photoshoots, some editorials and I still dance quite a lot, but besides that, I’m homebody, who writes a lot and to get out of the house, visits cafes.

I grab my backpack and start packing my laptop, the charger and my AirPods. I’m tempted to bring my Nintendo Switch with me, so I can play some Animal Crossing (I’ve been kind of neglectful of my island, sorry Tom Nook), but I leave my Switch in its charger.

Before I leave my apartment, I take a quick selfie, to upload for my Instagram Stories. It’s just a simple mirror selfie, showing off my outfit. Since it’s pretty hot outside (it’s July tenth and London has been trapped in a very intense heatwave), I opted for some high waisted denim shorts, a simple white crop top and some matching white sneakers. I do bring a white blazer with me, since the cafe usually has its air-conditioning on and I don’t want to freeze to death.

To be honest, before I got famous on YouTube, I never was impressed with my looks, my style or my life really. I had to celebrate my twenty first birthday alone, to realize I was pretty much wasting my life. Because of the weather, my plans to travel back to my family were cancelled and when I was staring at the cupcake with one candle on it, I realized I barely had memories from my time in college and I was already in year two.

I started to document certain moments in my life, but with all the footage I had of one whole week, I could make a two minute video out of it. But everything I filmed, had to be extravagant and then I asked myself: why does it have to be extravagant to be important enough to film? I should live my own life like I’m the main character, not a side character. I should romanticize life more. All of the sudden, I began noticing how beautiful the sky would look when I went outside for a walk, how the flowers start to bloom when it’s spring and how cozy certain cafes are.

When I uploaded my first YouTube video, I barely had subscribers, but all of the sudden more than thousand people thought my life was interesting enough to watch and a whole year later, I had 200k subscribers. I always figured that it would stay around that number, but once I graduated, published a book and moved to London, my subscriber count went up with a rapid speed. My 500k subscriber hit was unbelievable, my one million subscriber hit was beyond me, but hitting five million subscribers… It’s weird and thank God I have now reached a certain plateau, because seeing my subscriber count going up with the speed that it went back in the day, scared the living shit out of me.

Once I’m at my favorite cafe, I order a cappuccino and some vanilla cake, before I sit down and get ready for some editing. I used to spend way too much time on editing my videos, but now I finally have found a way to be more efficient.

Time ticks by. I see multiple people leave, I order some ice tea and another soda to keep hydrated and finally I take my AirPods out and put them in their case. I’ve been here for a few hours now and I maybe should leave. I don’t want to overstay my welcome here.

Before I can get up, my phone rings and I pick up when I see it’s Lacey. We met on the plane to London. She went to UCLA, but moved back to England after she was done with school. She told me about what she was going to do in London—becoming a librarian and honestly, that’s a dream—and somehow we hit it off. She was my first and only friend here in London. Of course, through her I met multiple people that I like, but I’m always a bit awkward around them, just like I’m shy around practically anyone I have never met.

‘Hi La—’

‘I have a new fling and he is having a party tonight,’ she simply interrupts me.

‘So much for a hello,’ I chuckle. ‘What fling was this again?’

‘This is the guy I met at the zoo.’ For someone who is a librarian, she meets an awful lot of guys. When I think of a librarian, I think of an older lady with a pencil skirt and grey hair in an updo, but not Lacey, who rocks short skirts like no other. She usually has a new guy every week, but the guy from the zoo… I don’t know if I remember correctly, but I think he is around for more than a week.

‘Hasn’t he been around for like two weeks?’ I ask her.

‘Yes, he is.’

‘And you aren’t tired of him yet?’ I start to pack my bag, while I clutch the phone between my ear and shoulder. ‘What was his name again?’

‘His name is Jackson and he is such a handsome guy, so you want to join us for the party? You can say no, Sandy, because this guy has parties every other week.’

‘I just finished my deadline for the new book,’ I say. ‘I think I just want to chill at home, to be honest.’

‘Totally understand. You are one a hard working woman and I know that parties can be pretty stressful for you.’ I can hear her smile through her voice. ‘I’m really proud of you for finishing that book, always remember that.’

‘Thanks, Lacey. Say hi to Jackson from me and tell him I’ll meet him soon. If he is still around then, of course.’

Lacey starts to laugh. ‘Oh, this one will be still around. I really like this guy and every morning, he sends me a good morning text, including a bad joke.’

‘That is oddly adorable.’ I wave to the barista’s as I leave the cafe. Shit, it’s hot. Like I’m stepping into an oven. Thank God I packed my white bucket hat and I put it on, to prevent my dark hair from frying my brain.

‘It is. Oh, he is calling me. Love you, doll.’

‘Love you too. Have fun tonight.’ I hang up the phone, while I move slowly through the streets of London. I’ve never really been a party type. For me it’s always a chore, never a pleasant event.

Being heavily introverted as I am, I enjoy my time reading on the couch, being by myself. Sometimes I wished I had an animal to keep me company, but my landlord is an asshole and prohibits any sort of pet. Maybe one day I can finally move out here, find myself a better place and become happy there with a nice dog.

Maybe tonight I can film my newly updated evening routine. I haven’t done that in ages and a lot has changed since the last time I did it. For a second I’m doubting my earlier decision of not going to the party with Lacey, but I shake off that thought.

Tonight I’m staying home.

As usual.

⟢⟡⟣

Who needs an alarm, when the sun can wake you up, nearly blinding you in the process? I roll around in my bed and am about to drift away again, continuing the beautiful dream of me being wrapped in Henry Cavill’s thick arms on this Sunday morning, when my phone rings.

Groaning I push myself up, grabbing my phone from the nightstand. I sigh deeply when I see it’s Lacey who video calls me. ‘Why on earth do you want to video chat with me?’ I ask her with a sleepy voice, still groggy from just waking up. I rub my eyes, hoping that that will wake me up. After I filmed my summer night routine, I fell fast asleep and when I look at my alarm clock, I slept a whole nine hours.

Well done, Sandy.

‘I have been trying to call you since five a.m.. Why aren’t you picking up your phone?’ Lacey asks impatiently, looking genuinely annoyed.

‘Sometimes I wonder if you even hear yourself. I was asleep at five a.m., as a normal person does.’

Lacey rolls her big doll like eyes. She actually looks like those porcelain dolls, the same ones that my creepy neighbor back home collected and put on display for the entire neighborhood to see. Blonde curls bounce around her face and for someone who partied the entire night, she actually looks really good and is way too awake. ‘I have a story for you and normally I don’t want to talk you into feeling guilty, but for this occasion I’ll make an exception.’

‘That doesn’t explain why you want to video chat with me.’

‘Just wait.’

I sit up straight in bed, placing a pillow against my back, so I can lean against the headboard. I pull my knees up to my chest, to lean my arm on. ‘Tell me, Lacey, what happened?’

‘So, I arrived at the party around eleven and Jackson was waiting for me at the door. He was being a true gentleman, kissed my cheek and when we walked inside, he kept introducing me to people, saying how at the end of the night, I was going to be his girl. To spoil the end for you: I am his girl now and we had steamy sex back at his place.’

As fantastic as that may sound for her, why does she the need to share this with me? I mean, I am happy for her that this Jackson guy is a nice guy and if she is actually going to date him, that’s great, but I don’t want to hear it. It’ll make me feel even more single.

‘Anyways, while Jackson is introducing me, I feel someone is staring at me. So I look around me, only to find one guy watching me. I try to squint you know, to see who that guy is and I think to myself: wow, that guy looks an awful lot like Henry Cavill.’

I start to chuckle. ‘How much did you have to drink at that moment?’

‘None, totally sober. Jackson pulls me with him and eventually introduces me to his friend Henry Cavill.’

Oh my God, I think I forgot how to breath. ‘You are telling me that the guy who you met at the zoo, who is probably more than just a fling to you and threw a party last night, is friends with the Henry Cavill?’

‘The same Henry Cavill you refuse to follow on Instagram, because you can��t handle that much gorgeousness on your feed.’

No need to attack me like that, I think to myself. I just woke up and was hit with the realization that I could’ve met Henry Cavill last night, but I didn’t want to go to a party. Tip for next time: always say yes when this Jackson guy is throwing a party.

‘Moving on with the story, Henry—yes, I’m on a first name basis with him—kept gawking at me and finally he asked me if we knew each other. I shrugged, telling him how I’m just a simple librarian, that usually doesn’t mingle with hot celebrities. Later on, I don’t know how exactly Jackson, Henry and I got to that topic, but I casually said something along the lines of that I’m friends with the Sandy Choi. Henry nearly loses all the color in his face and Jackson starts to laugh his ass off.’

Where is this story going? What the hell is going on?

Lacey starts to laugh out loud and manages to add: ‘Jackson tells me that mister Henry Cavill is a huge fan of yours and literally drops everything whenever you post a new video and how he had an almost heart attack when you mentioned him in your July first vlog. According to Jackson, he has been questioning your comment saying that you haven’t had your fair share of Henry Cavill today ever since.’

This isn’t happening. This honestly can’t be happening right now. Lacey is totally messing with me. ‘Sure.’

‘I can see you are questioning my fantastic story, so let me show you this then.’ She shares her screen with me and shows me a picture of her, this Jackson fella and Henry fucking Cavill, looking insanely handsome as he usually does. His hair is slightly growing out, revealing some lovely curls of his and he is wearing a white blouse. The buttons are hanging on for dear life. I’m mentally kicking myself. Why didn’t I go to this party? I mean, I would’ve probably embarrassed myself, but still: I could’ve admired him from a far. In real life.

Lacey stops sharing her screen with me and smiles widely in the camera. ‘And Jackson mentioned something about pressuring him into following you on Instagram and sliding into your DM’s, but mister Cavill is petrified of doing such thing, so… I decided to give him your number and I think he already texted you.’

I swipe the video chat away, while I start looking through my Whatsapp chats. I see I have some messages from my manager, my editor, my dad and an unknown number.

‘Did he text you?’

I click on the chat, ignore what it says and press on his profile picture. ‘It’s him,’ I say. ‘It’s really him.’ I admire the photo for a second. His thick and strong arms wrapped around his dog. God, I was dreaming about something like that just minutes ago and now all of the sudden, he has my number?

‘What did he write?’

I check the chat and see that the man wrote a paragraph, instead of multiple tiny texts. That is absolutely adorable.

‘I can see you and your grin,’ Lacey says, reminding me that I might’ve swiped away the video chat, she can indeed still see me. ‘Come on, Sandy, read it to me. I deserve to know what he wrote, since I’m the reason he has your number and texted you in the first place.’

She has a valid point and to be fair, I’d probably share it with her anyways. Best to do it now. ‘Hi Sandy, I swear I’m not a creepy stalker. I’m Henry Cavill and I met your friend Lacey at the party last night. She was kind enough to give me your number. I have no idea what she told you about last night, but I just wanted to let you know that your vlogs really help me to get through my days and that you are truly an inspiration to all young people out there.’

‘This is legit the cutest thing that has ever happened!’ Lacey squeals.

Though I agree, I keep staring at the text. This is what he thinks of me? He thinks I’m an inspiration to all young people out there? My videos help him through his day? ‘I’m going to hang up,’ I say to Lacey, ‘and figure out what to text him back.’

‘Wait,’ she says, ‘you’re not going to tell me what you texted back to Henry fucking Cavill?’

I pull up our video conversation again and shake my head. ‘No, I’m not. Thank you for giving him my number, Lacey, but please don’t make a habit out of it. Thank you. Love you. Bye.’

Before I can hear what she has to say, I hang up on her and look at his text again. My heartbeat is finally normalizing again, though my palms are still sweaty. I need to text him back, because that is a polite thing to do.

But what do I text back to a man like him, especially after he told me such a nice and lovely things? I mean, how do I top that? I can tell him the things I told Lacey whenever we would watch something that he starred in. I could say that I thought he was hot in the Witcher or that they should’ve included shirtless scenes of him in Mission Impossible. I could—

Oh my God, he is online!

I nearly die of panic, throwing my phone away from me on the bed. Maybe hanging up on Lacey was the dumbest thing I could’ve done. I need her help. She knows what she could say to him.

Lord knows how long I’m thinking about a response and I know that I should text him back. I finally wrote something and before I can regret it, I press send.

Sandy: Hi, Lacey indeed told me about last night. I honestly can’t believe that you watch my vlogs and that they help you get through your days. Hearing kind words like these from any subscriber honestly means the world to me 😊

And now we wait. He wasn’t online when I pressed send, so I probably won’t get an answer from him any ti—

Ping.

He already answered? Oh no, no, no, I have to let this moment sink in for a second. He can’t already texted me back. Please, let this be my mother, telling me I need to take my cod liver oil, please let this be her.

Henry Cavill: Do I want to know what she told you?

This sounds cheeky, I can handle cheeky. I can answer to this. I’m an adult woman, who is just texting with someone who is a fan. I can handle fan encounters.

Sort of.

Besides, I can think about the right response, so this is only in my advantage.

Sandy: Just that you are a big fan of my vlogs and drop everything when I post a new video.

Henry Cavill: Right, that’s not too bad, I guess.

Sandy: And that according to your friend Jackson, you almost had a heart attack when I mentioned you in my vlog and you have been questioning my fair share of Henry Cavill of today comment.

Henry Cavill: Great…

Sandy: It’s kind of flattering to be totally honest with you.

Henry Cavill: I’m just dying of embarrassment, give me a minute.

I can’t help but to chuckle. It’s weird, that I’m actually talking to Henry Cavill right now. Who would’ve ever thought that that would happen to me? I decide not to share the Instagram and sliding into my DM’s story that Lacey shared with me.

Sandy: I hope that Lacey haven’t told any embarrassing stories about me.

Henry Cavill: Just that you went to Mission Impossible: Fall Out three times in the cinema and that you commented all those three times that there wasn’t enough of me in it.

Okay, now it’s my turn to die of embarrassment. I feel like he is sparing me the need to fall into a deep hole of embarrassment, since he doesn’t mention Lacey adding to it that there wasn’t enough ass and the lack of shirtlessness on his part, because I said that all those three times as well. I know my friend and I know that she told him that.

Sandy: Right… I’m sorry.

Henry Cavill: It was pretty flattering and good for my ego 😉

⟢⟡⟣

Henry—yes I’m on a first name basis with him now as well, but I have yet to change his name in my phone—and his texts have caused tiny disasters around my apartment.

I burned my pancakes, because he kept distracting me with texts, causing the fire alarm to go off. Because I wanted to shut the thing up, I had to stand on a chair, but my brain was still with those texts, so I nearly broke my neck when I fell off it.

While I was filling the kettle with water, I forgot the tap was still running, causing the thing to overflow with water. I stubbed my toe not once, not twice, but three times on the same table leg.

But despite that, talking to Henry has been such a nice thing all morning and the first half of the afternoon. He keeps on complimenting me on my editing, saying what his favorite moments are in my vlogs, while I on my term share about the favorite moments of his interviews, his movies. It’s obvious that we are fans of one another, so having it out in the open, doesn’t feel weird or uncomfortable.

But nothing prepares me for his latest text.

Henry Cavill: I’m going out for a walk with Kal, since it’s cooling down now. You want to join us?

I know I should answer him and I should answer him now, but I keep pacing around my living room. Going out with him on a walk, means talking to him. Like using my vocal cords to communicate with him, talking to him. Am I ready for that? What if I disappoint? I’m probably going to disappoint.

I take a deep breath. You didn’t went to the party last night, so you should go now, Sandy, I tell myself. You can do it. He is inviting you, meaning he wants to hang out with you. That is a good sign.

Sandy: Sure, I just need to get ready. I think I’m ready in about thirty minutes.

Henry Cavill: I’ll share my location, so you know where to go to, okay?

Taglist: @flhorah // @henrythickcavill // @toomanystoriessolittletime

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #so henry you want to start a youtube channel #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill x sandy choi

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blueeyedgeorgie · 4 years

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Night Terrors-A.E

“could you do a imagine where the reader is a war vet and gets night terrors? she's dating Alex btw”

Gif Cred. @sdmngifs

Pairing: ImAllexx x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k+

Pronouns: She/Her

____________

Alex had left his curtains open, allowing the lights of the city to flood into the bedroom. It was late at night, by now both Y/n and Alex had fallen asleep. Holding Y/n close, Alex had wrapped an around her waist, pulling her close. It had been a long day, Alex had been working on getting a couple of YouTube videos filmed and edited. He had planned to go on a trip with Y/n for a week back to his hometown, so he wanted to have content ready for fans to watch. Y/n had finished a long day of work before being invited to spend her Friday night at Alex's flat. He had been sleeping peacefully, holding his girlfriend close as he found his head buried into the crook of her neck. But the peace had disappeared once Alex had felt himself getting kicked. Pushing himself out of bed, he found himself stumbling on his feet at first. "Y/n what the fuck?" But after taking a moment, he had finally realized what was going on. Y/n had started to thrash around, a look of panic was stuck on their face as their eyes stayed closed. What was going on? It seemed like Y/n was still asleep. But how could she be tossing herself around like this? Her face had become flushed, sweat began to bead down her forehead. It was obvious her pulse was rushing just from how they were tossing around. Could she be having a seizure of some sort? Hesitantly, Alex approached Y/n, getting as close as possible without touching her. What could be causing this? He felt bad, he had no clue what was happening to her. Part of him just wanted to grab his phone and call 999. But he needed to try and do everything he could before calling. "Y/n..." leaning in, he placed his hands on Y/n's shoulder, going to gently shake her awake. Right away, that was a bad idea. Just from touching Y/n, she had started to scream, her thrashing around had increased. Quickly, Alex pulled away from her. He didn't want to irritate her anymore than she already was. Only what felt like seconds later, Alex's door had been slammed open. George stood there in a pair of shorts, his hair was a mess. He obviously wasn't prepared to hear Y/n screaming at the top of her lungs. "What the fuck is going on?" he spoke wide-eyed, looking back and forth from the girl on Alex's bed to his flatmate. "She just started kicking me awake then I went to touch her to wake her up and she started screaming," Alex looked back over to George for a moment, only to look back to Y/n. He was scared she might throw herself out of bed. George stared at Y/n, he seemed to be trying to think. Alex found himself inching closer and closer to Y/n, he just wanted to try and figure out what was wrong with Y/n. "It's got to be night terrors. It has to be," George groaned tiredly. He leaned his head down, rubbing his temples. Lately he hadn't gotten much sleep. Just from hearing Y/n scream, he could already feel a migraine form. "There's not much we can do until she wakes up, Alex." "I... alright," Alex let out a soft sigh. "Sorry Y/n woke you up." "Whatever, just tell me when she's planning to sleep over again so I can plan to stay the night with my girlfriend," George let out another groan, already making his way out of the door. "Yeah, sure thing," the brunette mumbled, taking a seat on the bed next to Y/n. Alex felt terrible he didn't have any way to help Y/n, all he could do was sit there and wait for it to be over. Alex found himself counting the minutes away. He couldn't really distract himself from Y/n, afterall he could only hear her thrashing around and her screams every now and then. Every now and then, he found himself mumbling "It's going to be alright, Y/n," and "I'm here, I'll always be here." After 20 minutes had passed, a blood-curdling scream came from y/n as she sat up. Alex was a bit surprised when Y/n sat up, he had jumped at the sudden movement. Once Y/n sat up, she began to look around frantically, her eyes wide as she looked. "Y/n, it's alright-" Alex had gone to place a hand on Y/n's shoulder to comfort her, only to have Y/n pull herself away from him at the feeling of his touch. Getting a second look at Y/n, Alex had realized that Y/n's pupils were dilated, she had been breathing heavily. She continued to look around for a bit, Alex waited for her to catch her breath and finally say something. "...Alex?" As soon as she had realized where she was, Y/n had started to sob, falling into Alex's arms. "I'm here, it's alright. I got you now," Alex cooed, beginning to rub Y/n's back as soon as she fell into his arms. She hadn't stopped crying, she just continued as time rolled on. And before Alex knew it, Y/n had fallen asleep against him. This time there wasn't any screaming, there was no kicking around. This time she had fallen asleep like a baby in his arms.

The couple had decided to sleep in. When 11 AM had finally rolled around, Y/n had dragged Alex out of bed into the kitchen for food and coffee. George was still hidden away in his bedroom, probably trying to sleep in for a bit longer. Alex couldn't blame him after what happened last night. Alex was a bit confused, Y/n seemed so cheerful and happy. It was almost as though she had completely forgotten about what had happened last night. He still hadn't asked her about what exactly was going on with her. He knew he'd have to ask her soon, so why not now? "Last night... you were moving around... George was said you were having night terrors, is that true?" Y/n froze. She had been getting a cup of coffee, but just from hearing Alex mentioning night terrors, she could feel her anxiety start to build up. "It happened again?" "Again?" Alex raised a brow, he had no clue Y/n had gotten night terrors. They had been dating for almost three months now. He was just a bit surprised she hadn't mentioned that she had them before. "I've just been having night terrors about war... just one of the things that come with being a vet, I guess," Y/n let out a sigh, keeping her eyes looking down. She was quite embarrassed. She just thought they had gone away, it had been a couple of months since her last episode. "I'm never able to remember having them, my flatmate has told me that I'd have them every now and then... it's been months since my last episode. I thought I'd be alright." There were a few seconds of silence as Alex took everything in. "Do you ever remember your night terrors?" "I've never been able to, not once," she shook her head with a sigh escaping her lips. Alex felt bad for Y/n, she obviously hated having this happen to her. "Hey, look at me," making his way over to his girlfriend, he placed his hands on her cheeks, directing her gaze up at him. "I wanna help you and try and figure out some way to get your night terrors to end. But I'll only help as long as you want me to." "Please?" Y/n smiled. For a moment they just stared at each other, only to find both of them leaning in for a kiss. How was she lucky enough to meet this boy? "Good morning to you two," George mumbled, entering the kitchen. "Sorry to interrupt your moment but I'll be taking Y/n's coffee, she can make a new one." "Fuck off, George!" She looked away from her boyfriend, "It's mine!" "Not while you're making out with Alex!" "I was here first!" Alex chuckled, moving out of Y/n's way as she tried to keep her cup protected from his flatmate. He could care less about her trauma, Alex still adored Y/n.

Taglist: @anyasthoughts @multifandom-but @blondiee-seaveyy @springholland @caswinchester2000

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kiuda · 3 years

Text

I've been thinking recently about how much the Dream SMP has given me, so I wrote it down.

It got kind of long and also probably full of mistakes, sorry about that! ^^'

Some backstory, that you can 100% skip: I've been fortunate enough to have a pretty consistent group of friends over the years. I have several friends that I can't imagine my life without at this point. They helped me in a very difficult time and I can message them at any point, even if we don't talk for a few days or weeks. It's just how it is.

Anyway - during covid we met maybe 2 times. Not all of us - both times we had 2 or 3 people there max. I miss them a lot.

And last year I was introduced to the dsmp by a recommended youtube video! It was an hour long recap of the L'Manburg independence war. I watched that video. Then I watched another one. And an animation by SAD-its. And then I watched a stream. And another one. And another one. And I've been watching dsmp for a few months now.

Where am I going with this? Well... I guess I want to say that the dsmp helped me, because I got to (and continue to) witness so many friendships start and/or become stronger. I get to watch friends flirt openly. I get to see them laugh at stupid jokes, tease each other, but also support each other. Care for each other.

They are so important to me, because that is one of the greatest things you can have in life - a friendship so real, that it doesn't matter how long you haven't seen each other, it doesn't matter if you don't like something the other person does - you do it together anyways, because you just want to spend time together.

I see them support each other and I am reminded of my friends, who don't recognise the characters from my drawings, but are willing to look at them and tell me if they look good. They remind me of my best friends, with whom I have long, meanigful conversations in the evenings and silly 'arguments' over the best shape of pasta in the mornings.

They remind me that love isn't always romantic. I love my friends. And I can see that Dream SMP members love each other.

They support each other any chance they get. Remember when Mask or Roadtrip were released? Or when Your New Boyfriend came out? When Lovejoy released their first album? How all of them promoted them? How they continnue to listen to the songs on stream?

Have you noticed how happy they are when they join a VC together? Especially during late streams, when half of them are falling asleep, but still want to be there.

Do you see how ready they are to defend each other? To help others? How they are happy to donate to the same cause or to the other members?

Can you see how fond the OG members are of each other when they talk about their memories together? How they remember fondly even the weirdest and stupidest stories?

Maybe I'm just sappy today, but I am very glad youtube decided to recommend me that video that day. I'm glad I decided to watch it. Because that decision allowed me to not only be a part of great community here, bot only see those friendships, but also make new friends myself :D (you know who you are and I want you to know that I appreciate you very much <33)

I am glad that Dream and George decided to play survival that day. I'm glad Dream saw the opportunity to boost other creators and that he took it. I'm glad they all want the same in the end - show us an incredible story while having fun.

As one post once said (that I will never be able to find) - new members of the dsmp are congratulated not only because that is a great chance to grow and make money, but also because they are entering a wonderful community and are going to make beautiful friendships along the way, that will hopefully last way longer than server does.

#me talking #long post #this is just me rambling at this point #but i really wanted to make this post for some time now #and seeing all the posts about dream's 2 year anniversary made me sappy i guess #feel free not to read this btw :D #i just needed to write that <3 #friendship tag

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konpithepuppy · 3 years

Text

[TRANSLATION: Myojo 05.2021]

7 MEN SAMURAI CROSS TALK + SOLO INTERVIEW

Scans not mine

Neither an English nor a Japanese native speaker

Feel free to correct me, thanks

7 MEN 侍 I AM THE KING OF STAY- HOME!!

Very comfortable indoor pride

Playing instruments, playing games, the modes of indoor living of 6 people who seems good at spending time at home were checked! With 3-people discussion, the pride they have in their rooms got them excited...is the stay home king determined!?

THE REACTION OF THE TWO ON YABANA'S MUSIC ROOM IS...!?

Rinne: If you talk about indoor type, isn't that Banasan (Yabana)?!

Yabana: If you talk about paleness of the skin, then Konpi (Konno) is also an indoor type, but what type are you really?

Konno: I like going out to have fun, I also love going shopping if I have time. To be stuck at home everyday is impossible for me.

Rinne: Rinne will feel bad too if Rinne stays at home all the time. Recently, my younger brother teaches me game when I am at home.

Yabana: Konpi has a younger brother too and I wonder if he is an outdoor type. I have a younger sister, and she is the type who likes to draw more than to play outside.

Rinne: When you talk about indoors, a scene where someone is staying in the house all the time and making a bomb or something then the police will come comes into my mind (LOL).

Yabana: That is probably not "hikikomori" but a "tatekomori"! What crime drama us that~?! In my room, since I can just sit down and I can reach everything everything like my personal computer, guitar, bass, keyboard, all of my music instruments, it is super~convenient that I can stay in there all the time. (T/N: hikikomori = homebody; tatekomori = barricading oneself while being besieged)

Rinne: Bana-san's room looks like a music studio. Somehow, you seem like you are eating cup ramen every day.

Yabana: I do eat cup noodles.

Konno: And then, it looks like your [Yabana's] partially consumed plastic bottles were scattered around.

Rinne: And those trash will pile-up and explode LOL.

Yabana: It won't explode! Moreover, I don't have half empty bottles. But since I have around 3 plastic bottles that I have emptied, then I guess I can't deny that.

Rinne: But you know, if you leave a half empty juice bottle for several days, the content may explode.

Yabana: Throw it properly (LOL). I don't like going out that much but I want to see the actual thing when I go buy things.

Rinne: Rinne also wants to see the actual thing when buying! Since I wrongly bought a ladies wear on the internet.

Konno: Hu~h! Why? You liked the design?

Yabana: Ah! The one with a drawing of a tiger? You looked like a body builder who is doing a muscle training in the coast of America (roar of laughter).

Konno: Oh that sort (LOL)!

Rinne: It was small that I can't wear it, so I gave it to a kouhai.

Yabana: Even though it is fun to be absorbed at something that you like doing at home, this doesn't bring quite a good image for you two. More than hating to go out, I just find troublesome having to dress up to go out.

Konno: You declined Taiko's invite too.

Yabana: That's a story in the past. He suddenly told me late at night, "Let's go to theme park tomorrow!" so there's no way I can go. If it's a date then I'll think of it as an event like a formal event and I will go tho.

Rinne: "Formal event" (LOL). Well then, a date at home is good for you, Bana-san, right? Rinne doesn't know what should Rinne do tho.

Konno: I think it's okay to stay at home once in a while. Like watching movie.

Rinne: Konpi didn't have the image of watching a movie!

Yabana: Certainly. Since he is always watching YouTube videos.

Konno: I go to cinema too, I even go alone.

Yabana: Well then, if you have a spacious house, what will you do in a date at home?

Rinne: We'll play hide and seek!

Yabana: What you want to do for indoor and outdoor are the same!

Motodaka Katsuki x Nakamura Reia x Sasaki Taiko

REIA'S HIGH TECH LIFE IS SOMETHING TO BE ENVY AT!

Reia: As for me, since staying indoors has gradually increased, I've been playing games at home all the time, everyone in my family also plays a competition game.

Motodaka: In the past, we play shogi in a tournament style at our home and I win by a landslide!

Sasaki: If I'm at home, I am watching television at my room all the time. There are also time when I don't open the curtains in my room all day long.

Motodaka: Huh? Why?

Sasaki: Coz it is troublesome to do it.

Motodaka: What~ that is not good. You need to get some sunlight.

Sasaki: It's just that, if the room is always dark, there will be molds, right? That's why before I go out, I hurriedly open the curtains then I make sure to hurriedly close it.

Reia: Opening then closing it right after?

Motodaka: That doesn't make sense (LOL)!

Sasaki: The curtains in our house are automatic. I open the curtains in the morning, then I will set a timer so that they will close in the evening.

Motodaka: That's amazing! Isn't that great?! Well, my room doesn't have curtains in the first place.

Sasaki: Huh? You don't have one? What do you do when you're going to sleep?

Motodaka: We have a curtain in the room where I sleep, the whole family sleeps there together.

Reia: So it's a type where the children sleep in between their parents. Isn't that wonderful too?!

Motodaka: That's why I settle down in the L-shaped sofa in our living room. Since you can fall asleep when you extend your legs on the vertical part of the sofa, that spot is also popular in our family. I hug my tuna stuffed toy while watching television there.

Sasaki: For real!? Just how much do you love fishes!?

Motodaka: Moreover, it's not like with the ones that look cute that are being sold at aquariums, this one is a real thing. Santa-san gave this to me last Christmas.

Reia: Santa-san knows Katsuki's preference! I often unconsciously place cushion between my legs at home.

Sasaki: It calms you down when you place cushion between your legs, right? I also hug a long body pillow. I have a rule in which even though I didn't go out for the whole day, I still must take a bath. Lately, I like nigori-yu bath powder.

Reia: That's quite a taste, right?

Sasaki: I don't want to see my body when I take a bath so I use nigori-yu (LOL).

Motodaka: We are using carbonated bath powder in our house lately.

Reia: We're the same! But we have a lot of varieties. I haven't used nigori-yu even once tho. Speaking of baths, I change the showerhead. There are 4 types of water current [that you can choose from].

Motodaka: Is that a showerhead where the water becomes like a mist?

Reia: Yup, that.

Motodaka: There's also something like that in the garden in my house.

Sasaki: That's a hose (LOL)!

Motodaka: Yup (LOL).

Reia: When you use that showerhead in the bathtub filled with hot water, the water will turn into a thick white silky bath with bubbles.

Motodaka: Really? That's great!

Reia: Also, I have a new automatic trash bin, and I plan to buy a big television and sound bar. Since my father likes latest appliances, I get informations from him so I came to like those appliances too.

Motodaka: Isn't Reia's room amazing!? That's an ideal house.

Reia: Do you want to come to my house to have fun?

Motodaka: Can I? I want to go!

Sasaki: I want to go too. That seems fun!

Reia: Well then, let's gather at my house next time~!

Motodaka & Sasaki: Ye~s!

How do the rough samurai-tachi's on stage spend their time at home? A close-up of their sumikko life! (T/N: sumikko)

Samurai-tachi's Indoor Mode of Living

Konno Taiko

In contrary to my beautiful skin that doesn't seem to take ultraviolet rays, I am active. In my room, heavy bass sounds can be heard. I play western music with the speaker of my choice.

Sugeta Rinne

Even during day-off, I absolutely get up by noon. I am into bathub with television, jacuzzi, and bubble bath powder. I am the type who take long baths and I stay in there for an hour.

Yabana Rei

Mainly, I live in a sloppy instruments room surrounded by music instruments and music equipments. It is troublesome to dress up for the sake of going out but I make distinction between pajamas and loungewear.

Motodaka Katsuki

I love eating that I search for cooking videos when I have time. If there is a drama series that I am into, I'm the typo who will watch it until the end in one go, so there are times when I don't sleep and just keep watching the drama.

Nakamura Reia

I am a gamer. Thinking of how I can live without taking a break from gaming, I purchased an AI speaker. I am enjoying the high tech lifestyle where electricity and air conditioner can be operated through voice.

Sasaki Taiko

Because I have a refrigerator that I got from a friend in my room, I don't have to go to the kitchen even though I am thirsty. I also have my diligent side where I vacuum my futon without fail everyday.

#7 men 侍 #translation

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unfortunateleigh20 · 4 years

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september 28

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this on here already, but I’ve recently realized that, I think I rewatch and reread films, shows, and books as a way of coping. I’m not one who often watches TV or films—I certainly do, I just have to be in the mood for it, and more often than not, I’m not in that mood.

However, since coming to college, I’ve found that I’ve been watching films or TV shows on a very regular basis. I’ve started to feel like, if I’m not watching something, I might lose myself. I feel like I need a constant stream of information going into my head, and TV shows or films—even ones that I’ve already seen—offers this. For years I was this way with Youtube: I would always be listening to a video—while eating, while working, while doing homework, while relaxing. And, I would fall asleep to Forensic Files (probably one of my two biggest comfort shows) every night, so I was still getting that stream of information. I’ve even had dreams where I’m hearing audio from the show or video, and my dreams will shape themselves around it. But now, it has changed from Youtube videos to TV shows and films that I’ve already seen. I’ve wanted to rewatch Scream three times just since being here.

In a way, it’s nice to have something like this as a coping mechanism. It’s not inherently harmful. I think it’s the familiarity that makes me feel better. I’m in a situation I’ve never been in before—college—in a world where every day is not only a struggle, but also unpredictable—because of COVID-19. If rewatching a handful of films and shows will make me feel a little less crazy or a little more grounded, then why not?

But recently, kind of out of nowhere, I had the urge to rewatch a particular show. It has three seasons and about three years ago I watched the first season and a few episodes of the second season—before I stopped.

(Another coping mechanism I have is, when I become too invested in something, I pull away. Perhaps because I feel powerless? The best example of this is also in TV shows. It appears to me that a majority of people, if faced with an episode or season of a show that ends in a cliffhanger, will almost impulsively watch it because they need to know what happens next. For me, I might feel the same anxiety or over-investment, but instead of watching just one more episode, I will pull back from the show and not watch it for months, or even years—that is, if I ever go back to it at all.)

Anyway, out of the blue I had the desire to watch this show again. So I started rewatching it. A few episodes into the first season, I became anxious to read the four books that the show (and films) were based on. I have the first two books from the library, and I’m almost finished the first one. It’s taken me about half a week to almost finish it. (I am a fast reader, and I love reading, but lately I have not been able to read, possibly because I’ve felt so detached from myself.)

Last night I finished the first season of the show, and immediately began watching the second. This kind of bothered me because usually I like taking a short break between seasons—even if for a few hours. This also bothered me because I have a lot of homework and work I should be doing, but I became too invested that I impulsively let myself do this instead.

I also knew it would be a mistake letting myself watch probably half of the second season immediately after finishing the first season because when I’ve done this in the past, it’s developed into an obsession where I can only think about this one thing, and only care about this one thing. To the point where I barely sleep because I’m thinking about it, and when I do sleep, I dream about it. I knew this would happen, and last night it did.

I didn’t go to bed until about 2.30 a.m., and I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning. After waking up, the first thing I did was read a handful of chapters in the book.

It’s hard to describe why this bothers me so much. I guess it is because I feel like I can never casually like something—I either dislike it and avoid it, or I become obsessed with it. Also, I do think part of it is because I feel powerless. I become so preoccupied with whatever it may be, where I start losing sleep, I cannot stop thinking about it, and it is all I want to talk about. This does not feel healthy to me.

I think one of the reasons I let myself indulge in this so much (this hasn’t really happened to this extreme in years) is because not only is the series about something I am very interested in and feel strongly about, one of the characters I also feel an extreme sense of reliability to him. We struggle with many of the same things, we feel similarly about many of the same things, we think similarly, and we have a strong sense of dedication to many of the same things. It’s said that our favorite characters are often reflections of ourselves—who we are, or who we want to be. I think this is very true in this situation. Not to mention, he is employed in a career close to my dream career.

In a very personal sense, not only do I feel very much the same as him in many, many ways—he also is living a life I’ve wished to live for many years.

Going a little off topic (this is going to make this whole thing very scattered, but my thoughts are scattered so I guess you could call this a stream of consciousness), I think I really worry that—not that I can’t separate reality from fiction—but that I become so wrapped up in fiction that I wish it was reality to the point where I want to start making it reality. In some cases, this is really bad. And I think I worry that one day these feelings, and the feeling of being out of control of the situation, might become so intense that either I do lose sense of reality and fiction, or I act upon the desire to make fiction reality.

I don’t know what any of these feelings mean, or what they are, but it has been bothering me very much lately. And, what makes it worse, is my family is not the type to listen to things that they are not interested in: if I want to talk about something I am passionate about but they are not, they do not listen and they do not care. They show little attention and engagement to what I am saying. I think this has not only created a very, very screwed up sense of how I’m supposed to share information and relate to people, but it’s also prevented me from being able to express my thoughts, opinions, and feelings on things, as I am afraid of rejection or disinterest.

And sometimes I feel like I have so many mental illnesses that I cannot be real, that there is something especially wrong with me because nobody has so many different symptoms of different things that it is impossible to tell which I suffer from, which feeds into another, and which I may have (as I sometimes fear) made myself believe I have.

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sluttyten · 5 years

Text

Distraction Pt. 3

summary: You and Mark have been sneaking around for months now without your brother Doyoung knowing, but eventually the time comes when you let the relationship become more than quiet trysts behind closed doors

words: 5,459

pairing: Mark x Reader

Part 1 || Part 2

There was no real reason for you to be there, that’s what Doyoung insisted when you walked up to the van with Mark.

“Why are you here?” He asked, very bluntly, very coldly.

“Oh, it’s great to see you too, my favorite brother.” You stared at him in silence for another moment until he sighed and apologized. “Mark said you were going to the beach for a shoot today and I told him I was coming along because I’ve been dying to spend a day at the beach with friends for a long time, but my friends are always busy. So I’m settling for you and the others and Mark.”

At the sound of his name, Mark smiles awkwardly at your brother.

In Doyoung’s eyes, you and Mark are still just friends. After his conversation with Mark while Mark was at your home, he’s given up on trying to keep you two separated. Instead, it’s their busy schedule that’s been keeping you from being able to see each other, but you text and FaceTime and talk all the time, you just can’t be with each other.

You can’t have sex.

Which, that’s not the worst thing. You’ve actually been talking a lot, getting to know each other better, realizing that this is definitely more than just having sex and sneaking around behind your brother’s back.

You really like Mark. Like, really really like him.

But you can’t tell him that.

“We’re just shooting a video for the Youtube channel.” Doyoung tells you. “We’re filming and then leaving.”

Even as he says that, they’re manager walks up. “It’s going to be an all-day shoot though. You should definitely come along, have fun.” You’ve always liked the manager, he’s friendly and doesn’t mind when any of the guys want to bring friends along (as long as you’re not seen on camera or anything to start rumors.)

“Thank you, I think I will.” You smile at the manager, and five minutes later, you’re all piling into the van. Half of the guys are in the other van, but Doyoung, Mark, Johnny, and Jaehyun are all in the van with you. Johnny sits up front with the manager, Doyoung and Jaehyun are in the middle seats, and you and Mark sit in the back.

At first you were quite pleased about getting to sit back there with Mark until someone broke out their little camera to film.

You weren’t allowed to be on camera as a rule, so as long as they’re filming, you press yourself against the window on the far side of the backseat, crouched down a bit uncomfortably. You listen as Jaehyun flirts at the camera, as Doyoung tries to charm their fans through the lens (it’s gag-worthy to watch your brother like that), and then finally the camera disappears.

The car falls silent as the manager focuses on driving and the others fall asleep. You make sure your brother is asleep before you even look in Mark’s direction.

He’s staring out the window, headphones on, looking at the countryside passing by, and for a few moments you admire his profile. The sunlight highlights the line of his nose, the curve of his lips, the length of his eyelashes, and it casts shadows over his imperfections, a few blemishes, a scar that you’ve never noticed until the edges of it catch the sunlight.

Mark doesn’t turn to look at you, but he must feel your attention.

His hand slides a bit across the seat toward you, reaching out subtly, so you scoot closer, edge your hand out to his, stretching your pinky until it reaches Mark’s little finger. His finger overlaps yours and as you watch his face, the corner of his mouth turns up in a smile.

“Do you want to listen?” He asks quietly, offering an earphone to you. “I’ll let you take your pick of the playlist.”

You cast another glance forward at Doyoung, see he’s still asleep, unable to see when you move the rest of the way across the backseat. Mark holds your hand more securely, carefully hiding your joined hands under his jacket, and he presses an earphone into your ear carefully.

You’re not sure how long you sit like that, lost in a world of music and Mark’s cologne. All you know is that the peaceful time in the backseat of that van ends abruptly when Doyoung wakes and looks back, finds you sitting so close to Mark, smiling, head tilted in Mark’s direction, sharing headphones, and knees touching.

“What are you doing?” He asks, sitting up, leaning around the side of his seat so he’s staring at the pair of you.

Slowly, Mark draws away from you. He pauses his music and takes out the headphones, winding them around his phone and dumps it into his bag. He loosens his fingers from yours and drags his jacket into his lap, leaning away from you to stare out the window, all contact with you gone in a moment just because Doyoung’s watching so intently.

Even once you reached the beach and everyone piled out of the vans, Mark kept his distance from you, Doyoung kept an eye on you, and you slowly grew more and more annoyed.

You hung back for a while as the guys ran around the beach, filming each other on their hand-held cameras. When their manager called for them all to line up to play a game, you hung back, and you laughed with the staff members, and afterward they dispersed again.

You watched as Doyoung ran after Johnny and Yuta, heading for where the white foam kissed the sand.

And then you looked for Mark.

He was already looking at you, his camera hanging loosely in his grip.

You stepped around where Jungwoo and Haechan were spinning in circles, singing at the camera that Jungwoo held aloft, and you moved right for Mark. Until he shook his head and flicked his eyes farther along the beach, toward a small building that appeared to be a public restroom, an area to shower off sand.

You change direction, and a moment later, Mark’s shoulder knocks against yours.

“Hey.” He smiles. The back of his hand brushes yours, his fingers twitching as if he wants to hold your hand.

You want nothing more, but one glance over your shoulder reveals that you’re still rather close to where a cluster of the members are, and even as they’ve all begun spreading out along the beach, you don’t want to draw any attention to you and Mark. You know how Doyoung will react if he finds out about you and Mark.

He’s protective, to put it simply. He’ll get pissed off that you’re together, he won’t ever let you come over to the dorm anymore, he’ll change the way he acts around Mark. When you were younger and you had a crush on one of Doyoung’s school friends, he made you swear that you would never date one of his friends because if things went bad then it would be weird for him to still be friends with the guy.

Presumably, the same rule would apply with group members.

Wrapped up in your thoughts, you don’t even notice how close you are to the public restroom building, until Mark looks over his shoulder, and then suddenly pushes you through the doorway of the men’s side.

It’s a straight shot through the restroom to a second entrance, but you don’t get any time to look around before Mark’s got his lips on your neck, and you both move into a stall, latching it behind you.

“As much as I love getting to know you better, grabbing food, holding your hand, being sweet,” Mark hums as he kisses your shoulder, tugging at the straps of the tank top you’re wearing. “I have been wanting to hear you moaning my name while I’m inside you since you sent me that last video.”

You lean against the stall’s door and let Mark peel your bra down from your breasts. He kisses your throat, your shoulder, down your sternum, and then he pauses, lifts both his hands to your breasts, and then kisses each nipple.

“Mark, do we have time for this?” You lace your fingers in his hair as he licks your peaked nipples, and you sigh sweetly. “Surely they’ll be looking for us soon.”

“We won’t get caught, Princess.”

You shiver at the sound of the pet name from his tongue, and Mark grins as he straightens up to look you in the eyes. Mark pushes his fingers through your hair, lightly tugging on it, and you tilt your chin toward his mouth. He hasn’t actually kissed you since that morning at your house. You want his lips on yours.

“Princess,” Mark whispers, his lips curving into a smile. “Do you want me?”

“Anywhere. Even in a dirty public bathroom.”

Mark laughs and then he kisses you. Your head knocks back against the door, and you moan in pain for a second, but Mark’s kiss numbs you, thrills you, pours liquid fire into your belly.

You don’t undress, not more than you already are, except that you push at the waistband of your pants, shove them down enough that when you turn around, Mark has enough room to push between your legs. His hands hold your hips as he eases into you.

“You feel so good.” Mark kisses your shoulder, the back of your neck, his nose brushes your ear, and he moves against you, thrusting gently at first. “I have missed having you like this, Princess.”

A laugh mixed with a moan bursts from your lips, and you turn your head to the side to find Mark’s lips. He slips his hand around to your belly, up to your chest where he grasps one of your breasts and bites at your bottom lip, and he thrusts quickly, skin slapping against skin.

Mark does it all quickly, chasing his own orgasm as he squeezes your tits, fucking you hard enough that the stall’s door rattles, squeaking, and shaking the whole row of stalls. He kisses you, licking and nipping at your lips, moaning softly to match your own moans of his name and a mess of other twisted sounds.

“Shit. Fuck, oh, baby.” Mark moans, and he suddenly pulls out of you. His hand disappears from your breast, and you feel the rapid motion of his hand on his cock, knuckles brushing your tailbone. You feel the hot spurt of his cum on your tailbone, feel it drip down over your asshole. Mark takes a step back.

“Why did you do that?” You whine, spinning around, trying to wrap a leg around Mark, clinging to him, trying to get him inside you again, to kiss him again, to hold him as closely as possible.

Mark grins, his nose wrinkling in delight, and he moves forward to kiss you. “You nasty little thing. Are you begging for me to cum inside you?”

You just want to cum.

Mark laughs a little as he reaches down between your legs, slipping his fingers over your slit and then plunging them inside you as he crushes his mouth to yours as well. You raise a leg to his hip, curling it around, making the angle better for stroking you to an orgasm.

You cling to him as your orgasm pulses through you, hungrily sucking at his fingers, quaking around him.

He kisses you slowly, both of your bringing down the energy slowly, just kissing, your fingers in his hair, his fingers continuing to slowly stroke you until the last of your orgasm fades away.

“Mark!” A voice calls, soft and nearly swept away by the crashing of the waves and the wind outside. “Y/N! Mark Lee!” You recognize your brother’s voice, and you groan as Mark steps back, letting your leg fall to the floor as his fingers slip out of you.

Both of you move quickly to pull your clothes back into place, to straighten your hair, wipe at the glistening of your lips. As you rush, you hear Doyoung’s voice again, Jaehyun and Taeyong’s voices joining in.

Mark kisses your cheek and then squeezes out of the stall, hurrying back out to the beach. You don’t even wait a second before you slip out through the second entrance. You’ve barely taken a step when you run headlong into a solid person.

Taeyong.

“Don’t tell Doyoung. Please.” You beg, folding your hands in front of you. Taeyong glances at the men’s restroom, glances in the direction of Mark’s voice which suddenly picks up.

He raises his eyebrows. “You and Mark?”

“Taeyong, please.”

He smirks and shakes his head, then jerks his chin toward the women’s restroom. You hurry through the doorway to hide in the safety of the building again.

Just as you’ve ducked inside, you hear Doyoung calling your name, his voice right outside the restroom’s entrance. “Are you in there?”

“I am. Is it time to go yet?” You step into a stall, flush the toilet, and walk out to the sinks to rinse off your hands. You wish you could rinse off the sticky feeling on your lower back left over from Mark’s cum, but Doyoung starts talking, telling you about how you need to leave soon to get back to Seoul at a reasonable time now.

When you step out of the restroom, Mark and the other two are already most of the way back down the beach. Doyoung leans against the wall, waiting for you, and he follows your gaze along the beach.

“Can’t you at least pretend that you don’t like him?” Doyoung asks, pushing off the wall. “I get being friends. You’re friends with Jaehyun and Haechan, Kun and Taeyong. But you aren’t friends with Mark. You clearly have a crush on him. Knock it off.”

“Fuck off, Doyoung. You can’t tell me who I can like.” You grab his arm as he tries to keep walking. “And for the record, we are friends.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “Come on. It’s time to leave.”

He stalks ahead of you, and by the time you catch up at the vans, they’re already loaded in, and it’s just a few of their staff members and you that have yet to load up.

Jaehyun is crammed into the backseat of the van with Mark, leaving only the seat beside Doyoung open, and you have the sneaking suspicion that Jaehyun’s only sitting back there because he was told to.

Mark catches your eye.

The cars start and pull out of the parking lot, and you fold your arms across your chest to settle in for the long ride, but every now and then you feel Jaehyun shifting in the backseat, his knees nudging your seat, stretching his legs into the open space between the seats, shifting around some more, and finally you feel his hands curling against the headrest of your seat as he pulls himself forward.

“Can you swap me seats?” He asks you. “I’m way too cramped back here and you’re smaller than me.”

Doyoung’s mouth pops open as if to argue, but you glare at him, and carefully switch seats with Jaehyun, so you’re once again in the backseat with Mark, and when your eyes grow heavy, Mark moves across the seats, close enough that when your head begins to weigh heavily with sleep, your head drops onto his shoulder, and he once again claims your hand with his.

Mark’s skin is soft and warm beneath your cheek, his smell all around you, because for once you’re tucked away nice in his bed, dozing in the sleepiness post-orgasm. You rode him quietly, his hand clamped over your mouth, his eyes on yours until the moment when the pleasure was too much for you and you threw your head back.

“I don’t want to move.” Mark tells you quietly after a while. His fingers dance lightly down your spine, caressing your body with slow movements, leaving not a bit of you untouched. “I don’t care when Doyoung comes back. I’m tired of hiding.”

You open your eyes and tilt your head a bit, looking up at him. “But would you really want him to find us like this?”

Mark’s lips curve into a smile and he moves his hand, his thumb brushing against the softness of your bare breast where it presses against his side. His leg shifts where it’s twisted with yours, the whole length of your bodies touching skin-to-skin.

“I can’t imagine he would be at all supportive of us if this is how he found us.” You kiss his shoulder briefly, and then turn over onto your belly, put a hand on his chest and rest your chin upon it so you can gaze more easily on Mark’s face. “Clearly having just fucked in the room that he also has to sleep in.”

You glance over at the second bed in the room. Doyoung’s side of things just as messy as he’s always been at home.

“Don’t worry about that.” Mark flattens his hand against the base of your spine, slipping it further down to grip your ass. “He’s not going to find us. I asked Taeyong hyung to give us a warning.”

You groan lightly and hide your face in Mark’s shoulder. Ever since the day at the beach when Taeyong caught you sneaking out of the men’s restroom after Mark, he’s been supportive, great at keeping the secret and helping the pair of you sneak around. He thinks it’s funny.

“I’ll keep a watch out so you don’t have to keep messing around in public toilets.” Taeyong had teased the first time he had you alone after that day.

Now, in this moment, you pray his promise stands true because Mark’s fingers slip further south, over your ass, to your damp pussy. You rock your hips forward against Mark’s thigh, and you bite your lip, still holding his gaze.

“Touch me,” You whisper to him, leaning forward to kiss him gently.

“I am touching you, Princess.” Mark presses a finger deep inside you then to make his point clear. You tuck your face into his neck again, moaning and rocking your hips as Mark fingers you, pumping his finger into your dripping wetness.

With your face mashed against his skin, it’s a bit difficult to hear when you beg, “More. Touch me more.” Somehow, Mark understands.

He slaps one hand against your ass, and you rise up on your knees, shuffle on the bed until you’re straddling him.

“Touch me.” You whisper, and you reach for his hand that’s not currently knuckle-deep inside you, and you drag it to your chest. “I can’t get enough of you, Mark.”

You feel his erection rising against your thigh, and Mark massages your breast, spreads two fingers inside of you. “That’s the hottest thing I’ve heard you say. How badly do you want me?”

You know what he wants. He wants to hear you begging for him, telling him all kinds of dirty things, but you just want to feel him inside you, that burst of emotions and sensations and all of those many things you feel when Mark dominates you, pinning you to the bed and fucking you so good that you could cry but for trying to be silent.

“Mark!” You whine his name, pushing down on his fingers inside you, down against his erection that twitches as you attempt to grind on it. “Please.”

He grins, slipping his fingers out of you. “I can’t resist you.”

A moment later you’re filled with his cock again, and you sigh in quiet pleasure, feeling the delightful stretch and glide of him inside you. His hands both press against your bottom, pushing you down more into him, sinking his length as deep inside of you as he can go, and you shift upright in an attempt to heighten the pleasure you feel, to get him to touch that spot inside that makes you see stars when Mark hits it just right.

You cry his name, a bit louder than intended, and Mark chortles and covers your mouth. “Shush, Princess. The others will hear you.”

But on his next thrust you cry out again, and outside the door, you hear the conversation of the other guys pause for a moment. Mark’s hand squeezes. your cheeks together. His lips move to your throat, teeth nipping at your skin, and he whispers, “Play it like our first time. You’ve gotta stay quiet.”

You close your eyes and frown. Mark pats your cheek, strokes his thumb over your jaw, and kisses down to your breasts. You shove at his chest, and Mark falls back into the pillows, his hands falling to his sides as you slip off his hard cock and flop onto your side. His erection stands wet and tall, needy and red, so you reach over and touch him lightly.

With your hand on him like that, you’ve got him under your control, so it’s easy to pull him over top of you, to drag his mouth down to a slow hot kiss. You release your hold on him to run your fingers over his stomach, up his chest to his shoulders so you can run your fingers over his collarbones while you kiss.

Mark’s quiet moan vibrates in his chest, and you draw back.

“Play it like our first time,” You tease, pushing at his shoulder, urging him lower. “I’ll stay quiet.”

Mark grins and kisses southward, down to your pretty wet pussy, his hands on your thighs to spread your legs apart. His fingers are warm and rough-padded, gentle as he touches you and laps his tongue over your wetness, then he pushes three fingers inside of you and starts pumping them.

There’s one thing that Mark has learned quickly in his time together with you, and that’s how to quickly get you off.

Mark scatters kisses and sharp bites over your inner thighs, the occasional tap of his tongue against your clit all while his fingers rapidly fuck you.

You bite quickly at his pillow when you feel your orgasm rising up, swelling inside of you like a dam that’s about to burst.

And then it does.

The pleasure races through you, liquid heat so powerful that you actually feel it rushing through you, out of you, spilling over Mark’s hand as he continues to fuck you with his fingers. But even once you’ve stopped you just want more, needing an orgasm because that wasn’t it, not really.

“Mark, fuck me. I want you inside me.” You drag your fingernails over his shoulders before you grab quickly at his wrist, stopping his movements from pushing you to squirt for him again. You pull that hand out of you and guide it up to the pillow beside you face, and the rest of Mark follows until he’s rutting his cock against your wetness, and then he pushes right inside of you.

He lets out a moan this time, and you laugh and push up to kiss him, and you murmur against his lips a teasing, “Quiet, Princess.”

A laugh and then he’s kissing you, thrusting into you, clutching at your thighs so he can thrust deeper. The headboard of his bed slaps against the wall, the bed squealing with each thrust, and the others can probably hear you, but Mark’s throbbing and hot and perfectly fitted within your walls, and it’s not long at all before the orgasm you’d felt rising earlier takes over, filling your body with the pleasant buzzing euphoria, your moans swallowed by Mark.

As he keeps fucking into you, you break the kiss to roll your head back on the pillow, and you try to keep quiet, but soft sighs of his name and pleas for him to keep going make themselves heard anyway.

“You feel so good, Mark.” You drag your fingers through his hair as he grits his teeth to keep his sounds tamped down. You want to keep him like this. Not only as he is in this moment, teetering on the edge of his orgasm inside of you, but as he was before, comfortable and sleepy, cuddling with you. You want him in all the ways you can have him.

Mark makes a noise, muffled by the bite of his own teeth into his bottom lip, and he grabs tight to your thighs and quickly rolls the pair of you over so you’re on top of him. He digs his fingers into your hips, bouncing you down on his cock, chasing that pleasure you can see just there behind his eyes, and he moans something again that you can’t quite hear.

“What was that?” You ask, leaning forward, close enough that your lips were nearly on his.

“I love you.” Mark groans, his hands fly to your cheeks, the heels of his palms squeezing while his fingers dive into your hair, kissing your puckered lips as he bucks up into you one final time, filling your pussy with his cum.

Mark’s barely finished spilling his load when you clutch at his wrists and ask in a breathless voice, “Do you mean it?”

“Always.” Mark draws your face down to his again, his lips on your cheek, his dick still throbbing inside you.

“I love you too.” You feel his heartbeat racing under your fingers.

There’s a sharp rap on the door and then footsteps hurry away. Mark groans and sits up, reaching for his clothes. “That’s Taeyong’s signal.”

You scramble for your panties, dragging them up into place with the odd feeling in your gut as Mark’s cum leaks from you, but you brush that aside in your rush to dress, to comb through your hair with your fingers to make you look as if you haven’t just been rolling around in bed.

You’ve just finished tying your hair out of your face (the easiest thing to do once you’d realized what a mess your hair really looked, courtesy of Mark’s fingers), when the door opens and Doyoung comes inside.

He freezes when he sees you standing there. Mark’s reclined on the bed, looking oh-so-casual. Doyoung narrows his gaze, turning from you to Mark and then back again.

“Why was the door closed?”

“You sound like our parents.” You fold your arms across your chest, and then back up until you can sit down on the edge of Mark’s bed. “The door was closed because Haechan kept coming in here trying to beg us to watch a movie with him, and we were talking and looking at pictures I have on my phone from that trip we took when we were younger.”

The part about Haechan was the truth. When you first arrived at the dorm, he wouldn’t leave you or Mark alone, and it was only when Mark threw something at him that Haechan raced out, and shut the door firmly behind him. But that was quite a while ago, you’d been fucked by Mark twice since then with a good while in between.

Doyoung walks across to his side of the room and grabs his phone charger before turning to leave again. He pauses at the doorway and says, “They’ve posted the video from our day at the beach. Johnny hyung hooked up his laptop to the TV so we can all watch it together. Are you coming?”

“Yeah.” Mark hurries out of the bed and follows your brother, but you linger behind for a moment longer. Your panties feel sticky and gross with cum, and you know you won’t be able to move without making a face, so you linger, and when they’ve both headed to where the other guys are, you duck into the bathroom to clean yourself up a bit.

By the time you join them, Johnny’s already started the video, Mark sits on the end of the sofa and you slip down to sit on the arm of the sofa to watch with him.

It’s good and funny and you laugh when the editing makes Doyoung look like a real fool when he answered one of the questions wrong. You watch as the video turns from them playing the game to the bits afterward where they’d been filming. You watch the part where Jungwoo and Haechan spun in circles, singing at the camera.

“Hold on.” Doyoung suddenly says, leaning forward to peer at the TV as the video switches from Jungwoo and Haechan to Yuta pushing Taeil toward the waves. “Go back a second.”

“Why?” Johnny asks, but he does it anyway, sliding his cursor along the time bar.

You watch the screen as it reverts to the beginning of Jungwoo and Haechan singing and spinning in a circle. And then you spot what might have caught Doyoung’s eye the first time around.

In the background, the shape of Mark joining a person who looked a hell of a lot like you, walking away down the beach. Nothing so bad about that, of course, but in the few seconds before the camera cuts away to Yuta, in the distant background you can just barely make out Mark tugging you into that public restroom with him.

Doyoung pushes to his feet and turns to look at you and Mark.

Suddenly a few of the other boys have lost interest. Taeyong just gets up and leaves the room. Doyoung puts on his motherly face, sticks his hands on his hips, and looks at the pair of you. Johnny starts playing the video again, and the others turn their attention to the video, which you attempt to do until your brother stands right in front of you, blocking your view.

“What was that about?” He asks, jerking his head at the screen. “You told me that you didn’t like him.”

Mark pulls away from you, but you grab his hand. “Doyoung, you told me you didn’t want to ever date any of your friends, that I wasn’t even allowed to like them. When you asked me, I told you that I’m friends with Mark, I never told you that I don’t like him. And I told you to fuck off. Which is what I’m going to tell you now again.”

Doyoung balks.

It’s interesting, this feeling now that you’ve finally been caught. It’s a different kind of thrill, having Doyoung’s attention, his wide and angry eyes on you and Mark so blatant as you slide off the arm of the couch into his lap and his arms circle your waist. You fit together well, and as you watch your brother’s face, you see his expression change as he realizes that fact.

You and Mark fit together well, happily. Mark holds you gently and looks at you with pure affection in his eyes. You lay your hand over his and look totally at ease. You look happy, and what kind of person would he be to disrupt that.

He turns away. “I’m still annoyed that you’ve been hiding this. Why not just tell me? Why lie to me all these times? At home, Mark? When I asked and you just told me--”

Mark jerks his head, cutting Doyoung’s words off.

Across the room, the video ends and the room falls silent as the others all turn their attention to you, Mark, and your brother.

“What did you say Mark?” You twist around and you run your fingers up the back of his neck and into his hair. “He’s talking about the day you bought me that little gift right? When we were shopping? I overheard the two of you talking, but I never heard the end of that conversation, and I’ve always wondered what was said.”

Doyoung laughs then. “Well, see, I explained to him that I could see the way the two of you looked at each other, that’s why I don’t like you being alone together. And Marky told me that I had nothing to worry about, that he’s never had sex. He went on this whole longwinded story about being a virgin, never getting laid, waiting for finding the right girl. I don’t know how much of that was a lie, but I have a feeling that you and Mark have been lying to me about certain things like that.”

“They definitely have.” Jaehyun laughs. “They were messing around earlier, had Taeyong keeping a watch out for you because as soon as we heard you coming through the door, Taeyong ran off to warn them.”

Your face flushes and Mark starts nervously giggling.

“I didn’t need to know that.” Doyoung shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m switching rooms, who will switch with me?”

a/n: it’s kinda a sucky ending isn’t it? but Doyoung’s happy for his sister and Mark, like whatever makes them happy as long as he doesn’t have to know about their sex life, you know? and this is the final part of the distraction series because I don’t really see it going much of anywhere else. almost all of this was inspired by the tags I wrote on this post

#mark lee #mark lee smut #mark smut #mark fic #mark lee fic #nct #nct smut #nct 127 smut #nct fic #nct 127 fic #nct 127 #nct127

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hellishvu · 5 years

Text

Imagine BTS: when you propose to them

— this is clownery. fkskdk i really love the ideas and i tried to not make it like every marriage imagine but so many wonderful writers !! i probably have a similar idea with someone but me posting constantly ??? everyday?? getting REQUESTS DONE??? im a whole new person, i will open requests soon so get those juices flowing with ideas if you want to request something.

a/n: once again!! will edit in the morning, i should really stop writing at midnight (｀・ω・´)

Kim Namjoon: ˚✧₊⁎

The beach has been Namjoon’a secret favorite spots. Places that he’s shared with you, the many trails, beaches, forests, parks, or rivers. He’s shown you all of them.

You had noticed that he comes often to a beach. You believe that it was his favorite plac eojt of all of them. Playing with the crabs and always telling you watch your step so you don’t step on one. If you did he would kneel down to it and say in a small voice “sorry”. Taking photos of him unaware seeing his pure care of the creatures of the planet. Always texting you asking you watered the plants at home you two share.

So planning this was difficult because you wanted to place the ring on a crab and put it on his chest while he is a asleep so he wakes up to it but there is so many variables that could wrong. Like if the crab decides to steal the expensive ring and walk into the ocean for its shiny collection or the crab just pinches Namjoon instead.

The blanket was set while Namjoon explores his backpack looking for the snacks and the soft nap blanket that was made for the outside. Him yawning due to the drive here was long, kissing you a little while you were in his arms. The smiles and giggles you two exchanged while all your mind was filled wirh is “I want to be with this man for the rest of my life.”

Namjoon soon fell asleep with the sunscreen barely rubbed onto his skin due to him being so sleepy. You place the blanket on top of him making sure the sun doesn’t crisp him to death. Soon finding a crab that was big enough and friendly enough to hold in your hand.

“Hello little guy.” You coo at it seeing it walk a little around your hand, pulling out the ring box seeing it the shell was flat enough and big enough for it.

The set up was different trying to place a crab on Namjoon’s chest while trying not to wake him up nor let the ring fall off the crab. Scene was set and you waited till you grew the guts to wake him up.

“Hmm.. what?” Namjoon almost rolls over you widening your eyes to keep him in place. He looks at you seeing you basically sweat bullets wondering when he would feel that weight.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks while you feel your heart beating faster looking at the crab trying to signal him to look at it! Rubbing his eyes he looks down, seeing the ring box open with the shiny simple band of metal displayed on the crab.

“You can not be serious.” Namjoon in utter shock of how you got a crab to be this calm and that you were proposing. He felt the cheeks rise up in heat feeling those moments of love rush back to him.

“You did not!” Namjoon picks up the crab slowly seeing it look around having no clue what it’s got itself into. Namjoon picking up the ring box observing the ring. You trying to read his facial expression.

“Namjoon will you do me the honor of a lifetime, to marry me?”

Kim Seokjin: ˚✧₊⁎

Seokjin loves going on vlive because well, it was a chance to connect to army all over the world. That he gets to read their sweet messages and questions that they get the opportunity to get to know him better.

Currently tonight all the members were asleep or too tired from all the recent shows so it was just him. He couldn’t help but feel nervous almost but it soon washed over him when he was talking or rambling about his day. Tonight was the last day you both had time to hang out before the next few weeks would be full of busy hours.

You had asked the members before if they could pretend to be asleep or tired so it was just him. Him and you with the audience of millions but you knew all that you would be too busy staring at was him. While Seokjin was busy reading the comments you walked in unnoticed shushing the camera so the army wouldn’t say anything.

Kneeling on one leg you heard Seokjin let out a “huh” but you noticed he didn’t realize you were there. From the distance you could make out thecomments that were being spammed in the chat “Will you marry him?” Seokjin tilted his head till he looked in the camera seeing not only himself but you.

“No way. No you-” Seokjin turns his chair around seeing you grin happily, you seeing the comments with love emojis.

“Kim Seokjin, you have changed me in so many ways. You made me into a man that is blessed for you to be mine. You always say your jokes for me that I will never get tired of listening to. You’ve shown me the world of places I never knew existed. Please let me become your forever faithful lover, will you marry me?” You say seeing Seokjin hold your hand squeezing it while he tries to keep himself together. Wiping your own tears while he nods.

You place the ring on his finger, Seokjin raises his head when he heard all the members walking in with a cake. The happy cheers and songs being sung while they jump up and down. You were sure that the near by hotel rooms would complain but you saw Seokjin smile grow 10x more. Kissing you showing off his now filled with love ring finger.

“I can not believe you did that.” Seokjin chuckles on your chest. You looking at his finger that is glistening in the light him still not being able to stop staring at it.

“Well I want the world to see that love exists, between all genders. The little representation.” You say seeing the box for the ring sitting on his drawer with the photo of you two. Seokjin turning around pecking your lips whispering a “thank you”.

Min Yoongi: ˚✧₊⁎

Yoongi is always down to try new things with you, but you might’ve taken it too far when you suggested a karaoke night. He came out of the room seeing you all dressed up, thinking you meant to stay home and watch those karaoke youtube videos.

“What are you doing? Get ready!” You pout seeing Yoongi turn right back around to the bedroom. Finding an outfit, the classic black bucket hat and a vline shirt that you gave him one christmas.

“Look at my beautiful boy.” You twirled him around, grumbling something that you’re cheesy. Kissing on his lips gently.

Once you two arrived at the karaoke bar, you ordered a special private room so Yoongi isn’t paranoid that someone will recognize him or worst reveal you two’s location. Walking in seeing the alcohol freshly opened by one of the workers.

“Why don’t I go first.” Suggesting you poured some alcohol in your glass drinking it before getting up to sing. This was part of the plan, you went to the karaoke room checked out the songs and begged them to insert some of you and Yoongi’s songs.

You heard shocking comments of the songs that Yoongi knows, the songs that you two connected to. Clicking on the first song it played getting the sweats seeing Yoongi raise up his glass cheering you on.

Singing closing your eyes because you were honestly scared of seeing Yoongi’s reaction. Afraid that you’ll sound like a dying goose or something. You slowly opened your eyes seeing Yoongi in trance of your singing, knowing it coming from deep in your heart. That you sang this song when you were alone missing him.

Before Yoongi can say anything the next song played, him sensing that these songs were too aligned. The first song was the first date song that played while you kissed him goodbye on his front door and now the second song was him asking you to be his boyfriend at a concert. The favorite artist you two shared, it was connecting too much.

His suspension was right when the next song was you jumping around singing the moving in song, the one that played while you two unpacked and bought furniture, feeling tired from the trips you blasted he song jumping around with him.

The last song was put, Yoongi is ready for anything but the last thing he expected was you proposing. That was the goal at the end of the night, singing your heart out earning giggles from him. The last lyric came to a stop, you singing it softly kneeling down on one knee.

“Yoongi will you marry me and connect our beats to one song?” Very cheesy you know, but it didn’t stop Yoongi from grinning widely his gums showing.

Jung Hoseok: ˚✧₊⁎

Hoseok has been loving the stage, ever since he first stepped on it he has adored it. To be able to show his talent, his love, and his passion for music and dance it was a dream come true that he got that as his full time job.

The charmisa he holds on stage makes any stranger or army completely in love with the show. With the thrills of the stage you decided that is where you would propose. It took a lot of convincing to security and staff to get approved and the fan project that you got organized from the loveliest people on this earth.

It was the end of the show almost, the members coming back stage for once more getting their outfits ready and make up. The rush of getting ready never stopped Hoseok from him kissing you and thanking you for coming. You always did come and always felt proud seeing him on stage no matter how many times you’ve seen it.

“Honey, after show we could get take out? Eat in your room. So the members don’t complain of me giggling like a school girl.” Hoseok asks while he changes into the fancy outfit. The metal belts and buttons seeing it looked like a prince.

“I would love to, now go back out there.” You kissed him, you wrap your hand around his waist pulling him closer to you. Missing his warmth and touch.

“I love you!” Hoseok yells out while he speed walks waving at you. You saw the entire staff look at you, thanking yourself he didn’t touch your butt or else he would’ve felt a box.

“I guess it’s show time.” You said soon enough you heard the loud blasting music come back on hearing the army scream once more.

Honestly you were terrified being in front of that many people anyone would be nervous and you didn’t want to get a no. You could get ran over and it still wouldn’t hurt more than getting rejected by Hoseok. You love him so much that you would go beyond to just see him smile.

They qued you to go and you felt pressure in your chest seeing your hand shake. The entire time you got on the steps walking you felt your knees wobble but you kept it together. The army screamed louder when the camera pan to you showing the “Spring Love Time” on the large monitor. Hoseok having no clue what was happening till the music cut the members all looking at him, they knew what was going on.

The instrumental of Spring Day starting, Hoseok looking behind him seeing you walk. Obviously not knowing where to stare till you landed your eyes on him. The eye contact was strong but he had no clue what was happening. Army started singing and the rest of bts sang the voices of the people he loves to death.

“What is happening?” Hoseok asks Jungkook trying to laugh his way out of this. He didn’t know about this staff never told him this was part of the plan.

You took his hand reaching behind your pocket pulling the ring out seeing his face. His laughs slowly turned into sobs seeing all the wonderful voices and you being in front of him. His mic was cut so you two could have some privacy, Hoseok full blown sobs.

“Hoseok will you—” Hoseok intruptped you hugging you, you lifting him off the air while he cries on your shoulder. You took it as a yes smiling seeing the army light bombs switch to pastel colors. The lights of support.

Park Jimin: ˚✧₊⁎

Jimin spent his absolute hardest to not break the secret of him wanting to propose to you, buying the ring on tour. Trying to sneak by all the people and cameras to get the privacy he needs to buy a ring and keep it a secret from you.

Of course he asked all of the members, knowing he can count on them for any advice espically if it was life changing advice. They all asked what his idea to propse and he was kinda out of focus, that he just wanted to do it! Jimin wants to make it official that you’re his soulmate and lover for the rest of his life.

At first Jimin couldn’t decide on the ring, he went to multiple shops all over the world. Sometimes saying no to saying he’ll contact them if he agrees with them. Sighing once he got back to the hotel seeing the photo frame he took everywhere of you two.

“I’ll find you something perfect just like you.”

On one of the many ring looking days you decided that mid day of him looking through rings you wanted to face-time him. Panicking he answers.

“Where are you?” You ask when he turns around away from the rings, only seeing a fancy dark room with special painting. “Is that a jewelry store?” Again you pushed it seeing Jimin look around.

“Yeah just buying some jewelry for myself.” Lying Jimin hopes you buy it. He never lies to you but this was for the greater good.

The last day, the last tour date Jimin finds that one. The one that screams you, the perfect shiny metal ring he bought it in a instant once he laid his eyes on it. The velvet box softly placed in his palm once he bought it.

The day you two got back together, face to face finally. Kissing him at the private section of the airport. You saw many people pass by such as security and the members, but they stopped wrapping around you two like a circle. It was go time for you, you two being protected from the swarms of people.

You got down on your knees and before you could say a thing Jimin laughs throwing his head back, no way this was happening. You were not proposing at the same time he was.

“Funny you said that.” Jimin pulls the velvet box from his bag, you looking up still on your knees in utter complete shock.

“Is that a yes?” You ask. Him dumbfounded that you ever think he wouldn’t say yes.

“Of course!” Jimin and you exchange rings almost like you two were already married. Feeling like home seeing Jimin’s chuckles and just his face.

Kim Taehyung: ˚✧₊⁎

Taehyung and you two went out just a casual dinner but fancy enough you two dressed for. Taehyung doing his hair while you took your chance of his distraction to check everything. The ring? Check. Breath fresh? Check. Looked nice? Check.

Walking in at the restaurant, sitting at the usual spot sharing and catching up. The funny stories while he was on tour and you sharing what you did when he was gone. Sharing your hobbies and their progress.

“You’re wearing the scarf I gave you.” Taehyung presses his hand on the warm fabric around your neck. Taehyung always shared his fashion discovers with you, always wanting to try new things.

“Of course of course.” You repeat yourself, when the main meal was served you felt the heat rise up. Didn’t know if it was the restaurant or the sudden realization that you’re going to propose in a few minutes. Drinking the cold water trying to cool off, seeing Taehyung enjoying his meal.

Once he was done, you walked around to his side. Him wondering what you were doing till you spoke to him, the loving eyes. The eyes that first spoke to him, the spark so great it could produce electricity. Kneeling down Taehyung was seconds from answering your question.

“Water?” A watior obviously new to the job asks.

“No.” Taehyung blurts out, you looking at him and then the waiter wondering who he is saying no to.

“What are you saying no to me? Or him?” Once again asking, thinking this couldn’t get worse.

“Water?”

“I said ‘No’” Taehyung said again, your knees starting to hurt from still kneeling while this was happening. Finally the waitor gets the memo to let you two have a moment.

“I’m sorry sir, I thought you were tying your shoe.” The waitor gets flustered, not trying to get fired on his week of this new job. Taehyung couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.

“You get a yes from me. Why would you ever think I wouldn’t say anything else?” Pressing his lips against yours. This was the story for the books, to share with generations.

Jeon Jungkook: ˚✧₊⁎

When you knew you wanted to marry this beautiful gorgeous man your mind went completely blank because you didn’t want to overboard him with a jazzy dancing group that is singing Bruno Mars but you also didn’t want to just take him out. You wanted to make it special. Somehow.. you could make it something unforgettable.

So when you were brainstorming with the rest of the members because well they know him just as much as you do maybe more. They gathered in a circle spilling ideas back and forth others were interesting like scuba diving with sharks while the sharks mouth would have the ring. That was quickly put off the table. Trying to grab each element of each idea that the members shared.

The idea came together, to bring the love of sweets that Jungkook had and combined it with the ring. Somehow you arranged it with the bakery the one that has known you two for years that have seen the relationship grow.

Jungkook was excited, basically jumping in the seat when you drove them there. You told him the excuse of a decorate your own cupcake event they were holding. Opening the door you heard the little ring, Jungkook waving at the cashiers that he considers friends.

“We are here for the decorate your own cupcake thingy!” Jungkook cheers seeing the cupcakes freshly baked on display. You nod at the cashiers giving the code, smiling at Jungkook they lead you two to the back.

It was obvious which one had the ring so you wouldn’t end up proposing to yourself. Jungkook was passed the ring cake, going more into the bakery the place filled with treats and creams to put on the cupcake.

With Jungkook’s hands the cupcake was quickly drowned in sweets, you wondering how he could eat so much sugar. Settling with your favorite, you saw Jungkook finally finish, placing them together Jungkook's mess of a cupcake but it was a cute mess.

When you two sat down, you couldn’t even eat your own cupcake the nerves hitting your stomach the most. Smiling you bite into your cupcake almost choking on it when you saw Jungkook eat it all whole.

“Jungkook!” You scream out when he swallows it, the chews he made. Shocking that he didn’t bite on the actual ring didn’t need to pay for dental care.

“What?” Jungkook tilts his head, you seeing the bakery workers trying to hold in their laughter. You rubbed your temple with your hand.

“I was going to propose.”

“Oh- well you still can, where is the ring?” Jungkook asks seeing there was no different reaction after he said that. Jungkook connected the pieces looking back at the bakery workers.

“I’m sorry!” He screams out, getting out of his chair standing pushing your head into his chest. Saying sorry over and over.

“Do you guys have ring pops?” Jungkook asks, the workers looking at each other before taking out some donuts. That will work, the proposal ended up you two having donuts around the ring finger.

#bts x male reader #kpop x male reader #bts imagine #bts #bts namjoon #bts seokjin #bts yoongi #bts hoseok #bts jimin #bts taehyung #bts jungkook

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hollyhomburg · 5 years

Text

Dance To This: Part 2

(Hybrid! Namjoon x Hybrid! Seokjin x Blind! Reader) (Service Hybrid Au) (Social Media Au) (Polyamory au!)

SUMMARY: If loving you was as easy as breathing for Seokjin, than loving Namjoon is instinct, the need and want for the younger man burns through him like sunlight at golden hour.

W/C: 8.0k

TAGS: Polyamory, social media au, lots of fluff and snuggling, Domestic love, Brief implicit sexual content, mentions of depression.

A/N: So dance to this part two ended up being over 18k in my drafts so I decided to split it into two parts, The third and final part will be out in a few weeks) Please enjoy this self-indulgent fluff and stay tuneeeddd~

BEFORE

- And by the end of dinner Seokjin is making hot chocolate with marshmallows and before Namjoon knows it he’s falling asleep next to you on the couch while a movie plays in the distance, lulled to sleep by the gentle breathing of the two of you curled next to him as his head nudges onto your shoulder.

- You raise your hand and run it through his supper soft ears that are somewhat bristly at the ends. Fingering over the cleft in his side. Seokjin watches your expression, the way you seem to melt under the easy and deep breaths of the sleeping hybrid, and the way he’s melting into you, adorable dimples popping out as he smiles in his sleep.

- “Can we keep him Jin? Don’t you think it would be better if he stayed?” Seokjin reaches out his hand to thumb across the hybrids cheek. He’s so deeply asleep Seokjin could probably yell and the other wouldn’t wake.

- “Of course I do.”

NOW

- The next morning you and seokjin are woken up by a heavy crash, blearily moving awake to rub at the crust on your eyes, Seokjin springs up and says he’ll go and see what the issue is and he finds Namjoon sleepily attempting to wipe up a broken coffee mug with his bare hands.

- “What are you doing? You could cut yourself!” Seokjin screeches. Namjoon flushed and shyly lets Seokjin clean it up with a broom and a dustpan while he stammers an apology.

- Over the next few days, that occurrence becomes almost daily. Namjoon somehow manages to bend a copper pot and breaks several glasses. He even knocks one of the decorations off of the shelf on his rush upstairs by knocking into the wall too harshly.

- Seokjin doesn’t understand how someone, let alone a hybrid that was supposed to be bred with grace and above human awareness, could manage to be so clumsy, but somehow Namjoon manages.

- And if he didn’t always look up at Seokjin with that little abashed and apologetic frown that shows that the younger hybrid actually is sorry- then maybe he actually would get angry (instead of finding it cute, cuter then he probably should find it).

- Namjoon is always leaning over Seokjin’s shoulder when he edits his YouTube videos, bugging him about Instagram until you get him a phone of his own and he can clack away on his own timeline.

- As a mixed Greywolf/dog hybrid Namjoon has inherited a few traits that aren’t typical of either species.

- He’s generally more gentle than a puppy and less excitable (most of the time), as well as being more protective and observant. More than once Seokjin catches his eyes following someone that looks a little bit too big or threatening and subtly putting his body in-between you and them.

- Seokjin will lightly hit his arm and say, “stop that! You’re making them uncomfortable”

- “Sorry” the other hybrid would meekly say, thought this possessive behavior isn’t directed at him. Seokjin knows that if you knew what he was doing you wouldn’t like it.

- In the next few weeks- Namjoon tries not to be a bother as much as possible but sometimes it’s hard. He helps you with everything you need to do from pulling out your chair at night and in the mornings. He helps with the cleaning And carrying groceries- Namjoon loves to carry groceries. It’s the little him that makes him happy. You start to have what Seokjin had begun to call ‘family dinners and breakfasts’.

- Namjoon isn’t putting on as much weight as he should be, Jin tells you one evening. Namjoon’s hipbones still look too sharp when he stretches and his thick long-sleeved shirt lifts up a little. You try to tell Namjoon that you’d rather he just rest and recuperate, But Namjoon assures you that he’s not doing it because he feels like he has to- but just because he’s bored.

- But really?... He just likes to feel like he’s not a burden.

- You have to admit you’re starting to feel more than a little coddled with how Namjoon and Seokjin basically do everything for you. But you try to repay them in the little things you do that you know they like. like petting both of their ears and showing as much affection as you can possibly when you don’t have to work.

- They quickly work out a situation that has both of them happy, after they spend an evening arguing over who gets to put their head in your lap. You sit sideways in one of their laps one night while the other lies their head on your lap. Namjoon comes into your office when you work late, close to dinner dragging a fluffy blanket from his room, and asks “cuddles?” with his ears pinned to his head and his tail lip between his legs. And who are you to refuse him?

- As winter settles in and spring looms around the corner, work does pick up quite a bit, you go in with Seokjin into the center of town again to give a talk to your firm two weeks in a row. And every time you come home Namjoon greets you with his tail thwacking away a happy pattern against the doorway and his head tilted against your shoulder for pets.

- You’d been worried that Seokjin wouldn’t approve of you petting Namjoon, but when you ask him about it on the third night Namjoon had stayed. He’d said that it was fine, and he means it- that he wouldn’t expect you not too. Pressing reassurances in between kisses.

- Despite how Seokjin talks to him sometimes- berating him a little gently or harsher at times when the hybrid is clumsy. Seokjin does like having him around. And loves the happy grumble he makes in his chest when you pet him (and those times that Seokjin also shows him affection- even if that had only been twice; one morning when Seokjin had been sleepy and Namjoon was warm, and another when Namjoon tripped over his own shoes and fell into Seokjin, and the elder had giggled and given him a short squeeze after catching him.

- The other male hybrid looks after you with something akin to longing- always worried about asking for anything let alone affection but acting delighted when either of you offers.

- Or when you grab onto his arm when you’re out on walks. And how could Seokjin act jealous or like he had a claim over you when it made Namjoon’s face light up like that, even if you couldn’t see it.

- Seokjin has never met another person more touch starved than Namjoon.

- so he couldn’t take that soft dimpled smile away no matter how much his initial flare of hybrid instincts told him that you were meant to be his and his alone and that any male around you was a threat. They dissipate easily and almost instantly. After all, there are some parts of your relationship that remain entirely your own.

- The stolen moments pressed between covers, special touches shared, fingertips pressing into shoulders, a nose brushing against your neck while you sit on the couch and start a new drama, Namjoon asleep in your lap, Seokjin’s hand pressed to the skin of your hip underneath your shirt.

- Seokjin hasn’t stopped sleeping in your bed since Christmas and you have to admit it feels nice whenever you wake up with him, sometimes by his tail softly twitching against the bed- wagging in his sleep. Other times roused by his soft kisses against the expanse of your shoulder, your face, and sometimes, your inner thighs.

- Those mornings, Seokjin and you stumble, happy and leaning into each other to find a flush face and an awkward Namjoon in the kitchen, but Seokjin doesn’t let it stop him.

- You start putting away his laundry in your room instead of his, moving your spring clothes into storage to make room.

- For Valentines Day Seokjin wakes you up with pancakes in the shape of hearts and fresh squeezed orange juice. And you give him the present that you’d been waiting to give him since you ordered it just after Christmas. “Oh my god, I love it so much!” Seokjin squeals excitedly when he unwraps the apron that says ‘hot stuff coming through’ on the front in swirly lettering.

- Even Namjoon chuckles at it after leaning over Seokjin’s shoulder to read it. The next one is different, made of a thicker canvas, the edges of it well hemmed and strong. Seokjin’s fingers splay out across the fine fabric. It’s dark at the top and white and striped along the bottom with a pocket to hold his spoons- a real chef’s apron. “I know we didn’t talk about doing things for Valentines Day but…”

- “Oh love,” he says, getting a little choked up, “all I can say is thank you.” Seokjin gets up putting the apron on the table and goes over to kiss you, both of his palms- a little rougher than they were when he first came to live with you when they come up to grip both of your cheeks. Connection your lips in a kiss that knocks the breath out of you. You’re grinning when you pull away. your hand wrapped around his wrist

- “Glad you liked it,” you say giggly. pressing your forehead against his for a second before Seokjin pulls away. Namjoon is hiding his smile in his coffee cup from the other side of the table as he tries to give you privacy and focus on the newspaper he got from outside. But Seokjin doesn’t mind his intrusion in your special moment.

- As winter slowly melts to spring, so do you melt whenever Seokjin slings his long arms around your shoulder and nuzzles into your neck. Other times his more insistent bites and nips along your jaw turns into your hands fisting in his shirt softly, and he demands through yips and whines and words that you touch him.

- And you can do nothing but obliged him, slipping your fingers across his hard hips and cut lines to wrap around his body- or if he was feeling particularly needy- the waistband of his pants. Your name a broken sigh uttered by his mouth against your skin. Your smirk cocky at the way he shakes through it.

- The first time you’re ever truly intimate is soft and sweet, Seokjin asks you if you’re okay about 1000 times before you get it through his head that you want this. And when you press countless kisses against every inch of his chest, Seokjin feels so god damn lucky he can barely breathe.

- You’d forgotten how it felt to be in a man’s arms, to have someone cherish and praise every inch of you until you where flushing from your ears to your curling toes.

- But even this feels different than that. When he so much as touches your shoulder you feel like Seokjin is literally brushing his hands over your soul. It’s more intimate than anything you’d ever experienced and it makes you overwhelmed in a good way.

- Seokjin’s hands brush over your stomach and your hip as you laze in bed, nothing but the white duvet covering the two of you in the warm haze of the morning there isn’t a thing bothering you.

- You can tell that Seokjin’s looking at you, you reach out your hand, your fingertips brushing along his face to discern his expression, finding his plush lips turned up in a smile.

- “You know I love you right” he whispers against your fingertips. “You have to know by now” You freeze, your breath coming out a little roughly. “I’m sorry,” he says quickly grabbing your hand as you almost pull it back. You sit up a little.

- “No it’s fine- I just- I love you too Jinnie, so much you have no idea.” You whisper against his lips as you pull him down for another kiss. Letting your lips doing the talking.

- The longing, the relief, the incredulity and the love in the kiss makes both of you breathe a little heavy but it’s fine- because you have each other and nothing matters beyond that. You could handle anything with Seokjin by your side.

- And of course your peace had to be disrupted by the shrill piercing of the smoke alarm going off, you hear the muffled noises of Namjoon cursing. “God damn it” Seokjin mutters as you giggle. Pressing one last kiss to your lips before he pulls on his pants and exits the room.

- You start to get out of bed but Seokjin hastens, a hand against your sternum “No you stay right where- I want to make you breakfast in bed today.”

- “Seokjin stop being a prince” you tease jokingly- you don’t need him to speak to know he’s smiling when the door to your bedroom closes behind you. You fold back into the warm covers- significantly less comfortable than before, making you pout at your lover’s absence. But you know a shower is eminent in your future.

- In the kitchen- Seokjin finds the younger hybrid fussing over already burned eggs- it seems he forgot to put the butter in. “I ugh- I tried to do everything you did but they didn’t come out right.” He says abashed, and Seokjin blushes when he sees an episode of Eat Jin open on Namjoon’s cellphone.

- Seokjin pushes him away from the range with a hip sweeping up the pan carefully and putting it directly into the sink. His eyes snagged on the eggs in the pan-there where 6 there, far too many for the one hybrid, he must have been trying to make breakfast for all of them like Jin did most mornings. His heart squeezed when he realized what he’d been trying to do for them.

- “It’s okay, I can handle it Namjoon” Seokjin takes another pan from where they hang over the sink and pours a little bit of oil into the bottom before depositing it back on the stove. “Wanna grind some cheese for the omelets?” Namjoon eagerly gets the pepper jack cheese out of the fridge along with the grater and a plate.

- “You know you don’t have to try to cook like me- I’ve got it covered.”seokjin asks as he whisks half a dozen eggs in a bowl. “It makes both of you happy- so I wanted to try it. Sorry for messing up your kitchen.” Seokjin goes quiet after that- the younger males side brushing his as he comes over to deposit a mound of grated cheese into the middle of a layer of almost fully fried egg.

- Weren’t males supposed to feel territorial after mating? Why was he okay with Namjoon being so near? He would have thought with the other being a canine type hybrid as well his possessive instincts would be in overdrive and he wouldn't be able to even have the other hybrid in his general vicinity right now. but there is no annoyance or wariness lurking in his chest, and seokjin frowns, puzzled over why he wasn’t feeling territorial.

- He didn’t feel any lurch in his gut, anything but the muted sweetness, Namjoon asks him a few questions about his YouTube channel while Seokjin cooks,

- He was sure the other hybrid could tell what had just transpired in the room over. If he hadn’t heard it or couldn’t see the love bites on Seokjin’s neck, the hybrids sensitive nose could certainly smell it.

- Breakfast in bed is a lovely affair but after breakfast, you disappear up to your study for a phone conference. Seokjin busies himself with cleaning up the kitchen while Namjoon cleans the living room- still a bit disheveled from a movie night 2 nights before.

- When Seokjin enters the living room- asking the hybrid if he’d like to help him make lunch and he finds everything disordered. The wide L couch turned in a totally different place and the coffee table turned the opposite direction, the expansive shelves and braille books on either side of the wide window are still mostly intact.

- Namjoon’s just pushing the ottoman into place when he grins up at Seokjin “I thought it could do with a reordering- so that it fits the three of us more comfortably- do you like it?” he asks excitedly, Seokjin reigns in part of his temper. finally making an appearance.

- Seokjin pinches the bridge of his nose, “you can’t move things you idiot- or if you do you have to put them back in the right place- or else she’ll trip over them.” Namjoon blushes and looks down, sudden shame curdling in on the proud feeling in his gut “I’m sorry,” the hybrid looks about ready to sniffle.

- “Just help me get everything back into place before she’s done and maybe she won’t notice.”

- Of course, when you head down the stairs with a yawn, tired after a nearly 3-hour conversation with a business executive, intent on finally changing out of your rolled up pajamas you call out a greeting, Seokjin answers from the kitchen while Seokjin bids a quiet hello.

- You head for your slippers by the window- your feet a little cold, you start to say something to them before you collide head over heels into the couch, falling into a lap. Below you Namjoon makes an oof as your head slams into his stomach.

- seokjin comes in at the sound of your shriek As Namjoon helps you stand up and find your footing again. Holding your hand out against his chest for stability. “Oh my god” he and Namjoon say after a second, completely mortified. Namjoon hides his face in his hands.

- But they don’t find you angry- no you’re just laughing. The bubbly kind of belly laughing that hits you surprised, Wiping away at your cloudy eyes before you tap namjoon’s arm to let him know you’ve found your footing. “6 inches to the left guys.” You say softly to no one in particular. Before you walk in the direction of the kitchen and your bedroom. Namjoon kicks the couch to the left.

- Weeks pass, you take both of them shopping, and it’s more of a fun affair full of copious stops for Starbucks after Namjoon discovers what a latte is and demands to try every single kind they have. Matcha ends up tying for first place alongside the mocha latte he gets last.

- Namjoon comes up to where you stand to ask you about fabrics for himself- getting your approval before he decides on any one thing. You shake your head with a smile when you realize that he didn’t want to wear anything that would make you less likely to touch him or pet him.

- Seokjin himself has always asked before buying anything- asking if you’d been opposed to any fabrics above others. Knowing that your sense of touch is a little sensitive in general.

- It hurts you in such a keen way- when you realize how much the younger hybrid just wants to be loved. How much he tries to make you and Seokjin happy.

- He’s surprised when Seokjin pays for things with his own money at the counter of one of the stores “My YouTube channel doesn’t make a lot- but it makes enough, sometimes it’s nice to buy things for myself.”

- The realization results in an eventual conversation with Namjoon when he asks you after agonizing over it for days if he should get a job. you sooth away his anxiety by trailing your hand up his shoulder to cup his cheek. “I don’t expect you to try and make money like Seokjin, you can use mine, most of the time Seokjin doesn’t use his own because I want him to save it.”

- “Save it for what.” You look down and too the side. “In case anything ever happened to me is all.” The thought makes Namjoon frightened. when you walk together he puts himself between you and the road, worried that you could fall into it.

- But as the days go on, you find another bad day leaking into you- solidifying when one morning you wake from a nightmare to an empty bed and can't get out of it. You click the alarm clock on your bedside table. “It is- 10:30am” reads in the automatic voice you dread on mornings like this.

- The sound of your door opening makes you want to pull the covers you’re your head. “Jagiya” Seokjin says softly, you turn and bury your face into your blanket. Mouth unable to make words as you just lie there, wallowing in your sadness, the only thing you can do until it dissipates. Seokjin knows, always knows somehow. The bed slumps and moves under his weight as he sits on the bed, pressing a hand to your cheek. Over the past few months, he’s dealt with too many of your bad days to count, this one is no different.

- “Do you want some tea? Or do you feel up for breakfast?” he says softly, worry leaking into his voice. months ago you wouldn’t have even talked to him when you’re like this But now you make the effort. Seokjin is worth the effort you remind yourself.

- “Just gonna go back to bed,” you say, though you know you really won’t. Seokjin had been intent on recording a new video for Eat Jin today- along with a q&a video so you don’t want to distract him with just another bad day.

- “Okay,” he says, suspicion in his voice. But he leaves you be, to turn over and over in the too warm bed, the sheets usually the perfect blend of cotton, feel too heavy and almost greasy.

- Minutes later Namjoon barges in, “Y/n I heard of this new park on the other side of town from the bunny hybrid next door and-“ the other hybrid freezes with the cloying scent of despair wafts from your curled up form, “what’s wrong? Are you hurt!?” he asks.

- “Namjoon!” Seokjin yells, and the other hybrid freeze, Seokjin is already up- his camera paused. As he nudges Namjoon out of the way and closes the door behind him without another word.

- “You can’t just do that” Seokjin hisses at Namjoon your door softly clicking behind him, “do what?” Namjoon asks, Seokjin rolls his eyes, “just go into her room like that when she’s-“ Seokjin breaks off- unwilling to reveal your secret- your bad days.

- “Can’t you smell how sad she is? Why aren’t you doing anything to help her- why don’t you care-” Seokjin shoves Namjoon away from him not appreciating how the younger hybrid is getting in his face. “Of course I fucking care I just-” he hears a noise from your room. The sound of blankets being piled on top of you pulled over your head to keep out the noise of their conversation.

- Both of them send the door a concerned look, and they continue more hushed. “Just accept that you don’t get it Joon, its best to just leave her alone right now- just trust me on this okay?” but Namjoon just can’t do nothing, he paces for a few minutes in front of your door, before he walks behind jin’s camera Standing with fists clenched, with his ears pinned to his head before the hybrid stops talking into the camera and sighs. Pausing it again.

- Joon helps Jin when he makes you a small meal of comfort food, even making you French fries, hands darting back whenever he feels a little spark of oil.

- Seokjin lets Namjoon bring it in for you, even though he did the majority of the work, and insists on cuddling you while you eat, Seokjin grumbles from the other side of you as he flicks through the channels on the tv in your room, a new installation. Seokjin becomes slightly more content when you wrap your arms around him and bury your face in his side when he finally settles on an episode of your favorite drama. It’s a good sign that you’re showing affection- the worst days where when you couldn’t even manage that.

- Now that it was warmer both of the hybrids started feeling a little cooped up. At least now Seokjin has someone to play Frisbee with when you took walks to the park. And it feels glad to get some exercise after a long winter. you sit on one of the picnic tables with one headphone in- listening to another audiobook while they spent time rolling around, Namjoon diving to catch a Frisbee and rolling, surprisingly agile.

- Seokjin wines about untangling the sticks from his hair later. when Seokjin offers to comb through your hair after your shower, Namjoon sits shyly next to the two of you and tilts his head in Seokjin’s direction- a wordless request for affection, a low whine in his throat.

- “Here” Seokjin says, turning Namjoon around so that his back is too him and getting on his knees so he can reach his head. Seokjin sits behind the two of you on the couch, chest inches from either of your backs while the two of you argue about the romantic lead of your favorite drama and who she should be with.

- When he’s done, Namjoon leans back so that his back touches his chest and nudges Seokjin’s shoulder with his nose and neck turned away. Namjoon is blushing as he does it, only doing it once or twice before he’s finished and Seokjin can’t help but coo at the gesture, the scent marking.

- Namjoon’s chest flutters when he smells Seokjin the next day, his own buttery pine intertwining with the hybrids another scent of sweet honey.

- Namjoon desperately bothers Jin about being in an episode of Eat Jin but after he so horribly screws up a soufflé (why kind of person doesn’t know what yeast is?) Seokjin basically bands him from appearing in the show. Though sometimes the other hybrid photobombs the other, and he won’t realize that he has until he’s gone back and begun to edit his footage.

- But once his followers have gotten a look at him there’s no getting them off the subject of the wolf hybrid and Namjoon drags and bribes him (with one dish of any kind of food he wants) to sit still long enough for a Q&A. And of course, his followers love Namjoon always asking endless questions, where did Namjoon come from? why did he have a gash in his ear? why you adopted him? and how you’d managed to have all the luck in the world getting two of the cutest hybrids in existence?

- Someone even comments, “I wonder why they don’t get territorial with each other, or over their owner, I have two German Shepard hybrids and they’re always at each other's throats.”

- And Namjoon himself- wonders that too. They don’t even have a dominance hierarchy established between the two of them- and Joon doesn’t even feel the need to, doesn’t feel his instincts stirring in his gut, ever, even when he knows it should. - Seokjin wonders why the presence of the other hybrid doesn’t put him off like it does with others- like the time the fox hybrid at the park brazenly came up and introduced himself to you with a sunshiny smile that made Seokjin’s skin boil.

- But for some reason, the gentle but quiet wolf hybrid doesn’t make him wary in the slightest, even less so now that Namjoon’s fully moved into the house and realized that the other shoe isn’t about to drop and that you really won’t make him leave.

- The only time you see Namjoon excitable is when you start him talking on a single topic - Namjoon could talk about nature endlessly, and loved to spend time going on walks, even dragging you for a few hikes in the reservation on the outskirts of the city. It’s nice, you have to admit, even though you can't see the view the fresh air tastes sweeter somehow.

- You make a habit of it- every weekend alongside your and Seokjin’s restaurant tours. Namjoon doesn’t like going to restaurants because he always seems to knock something off the table, making everyone look at you with a scandalized expression that he hates. After the first time he decides to go he makes a point not to intrude on your alone time with Seokjin, who has started to call them “Date and dinner nights.”

- Every Sunday you and Namjoon have your own time, hiking and listening to his soft voice as he describes everything around you, helping you touch the sprouts of tulips and daffodils that are sprouting up every time he finds a new one.

- One day, at the park with Seokjin, he presses a glassy snowdrop against your cheek without warning, making you giggle. And then bounding off to find another. As you smile and shake your head at his silliness.

- In the first few weeks of true spring, he easily gets a bit jumpy, and restless when you don’t take him for walks during the day. You can tell he’s turning something over in his head sometimes over breakfast when he’s more quiet than usual. When you ask Seokjin he always says that Namjoon’s just looking out of the window towards your barren and small back yard.

- “I wonder what it could be,” you ponder idly as you brush your hand over Seokjin’s arm late one night after Namjoon had already turned in to his bedroom upstairs. A smaller one next to Jin’s old bedroom (through the elder hybrid had tried to assure him that it was fine if he took his room- seeing as it was bigger and had windows that face the street instead of the back yard).

- The answer comes the next day surprisingly- the first truly warm day of spring. The day that the snow finally melts.

- “Um- Y/n?” Namjoon’s asks from the door of your study, barely leaning in, he’s wearing an old shirt of his, Seokjin notices as he turns from the spot on the window and takes out his headphones- which he’d been wearing so the voice commands from your special laptop didn’t bother him and he didn’t bother you while editing another video.

- He shrinks when both of you turn to him becoming somehow more shy and small in the doorway. “Yes Namjoon?” you ask.

- “Your back yard,” he says, twisting the edge of his sweatshirt over his hands. “I was just looking out at it and even though it’s small I was just thinking it would be nice- I mean really I’d do all the work for it- and I could make it smell nice for you-”

- “Namjoon,” Seokjin says, rolling his eyes, “just spit it out.”

- “I want to plant a garden,” he says quickly, grimacing like he’s ripping off a band-aid, “I promise I don't expect either of you work to on it and I’ll make it pretty for Seokjin- I could even plant fragrant plants too so that you can smell them...”

- “Of course.” You say, shrugging like its no big deal and turning back to your work. But Seokjin sees that it clearly is a big deal to Namjoon who’s ears perk up immediately his shaggy tail switching back and forth.

- “I promise I’ll work on it well! Thank you!” he shouts before running off down the stairs in excitement. You hum thoughtfully turning back to your machine. “that boy- he’s going to make such a mess tracking mud in the house.” Seokjin shakes his head.

- “Don’t pretend you don’t love it when he gets excited like that.”

-“Jesus woman get out of my head” Seokjin replies, making you giggle, and he’s glad that you can’t see the blush that stains his cheeks. Because Namjoon does get adorable when he gets passionate about something. And those freaking dimples did terrible things to Seokjin’s concentration.

- That night Namjoon hovers in the doorway, his shirt stained up to the elbows in dirt, pants, and knees stained green even some on his face as he grins inside and steps in carefully. And though Seokjin shouts, “shoes off this instant and a shower for you too!” he has to admit that there is a certain tension out of Namjoon’s shoulders when he sits back down at the kitchen table.

- he looks lithe and relaxed, the shower has turned his skin rosy and his hair, shaggy and hanging in his face. You reach up and run your fingers through it when he sits next to you. Lamenting that his hair is getting long.

- Namjoon hoists your legs into his lap and sets about rubbing his careful hands up and down your shins; something that Namjoon had figured out was comforting after you’d done it to him the other day.

- “I could cut it for you if you want.” Seokjin offers, Namjoon’s wide brown eyes flicker up, and he smiles, dimply and adorable and Seokjin almost drops the wooden spoon in his hands when the hybrid says, “I’d love that Jinnie.”

- Namjoon bugs you to go to the local garden center for some trowels and some seeds, and in the next few weeks the two of you makes trips back and forth half a dozen times for various garden stakes and wood to make standing beds.

- Though you relent and have one of the workers deliver the bags of soil instead of making Seokjin and Namjoon lug the bags back by themselves insisting even when Namjoon tells you that you don’t need to spend money on the delivery.

- “The pees came up! They’ve got two leaves and everything just like the package said!” Namjoon runs in shouting, one morning after he goes out to check the garden, while Seokjin stirs something that smells vaguely vinegary in a pan, so excited that he almost trips over the rug just inside the door.

- “Shoes Joon!” Seokjin reminds him, rolling his eyes at the excitable hybrid Who tosses dirt onto the floor “Sorry! sorry!” toeing them off, tripping over them again.

- “Want me to come out and feel them?” you ask Namjoon with a small smile. And he takes your hand pulling you up from the table. Your bare feet shiver as the grass rubs up against the bottom, but the sensation feels good and you can hear Namjoon’s smile when he speaks.

- “We might have pees before July!” his wagging tail knocks up against the backs of your legs as he guides your hand down into the raised garden beds. The small leaves are rubbery and soft underneath your fingers, “What kinds did you plant?” you ask.

- “Sugar snap! Because their Seokjin’s favorite in salads, but I also have some beans!” you give Namjoon a knowing smile. “For Seokjin?” Namjoon stutters trying to find the words to justify it. You giggle and nudge him lowering your voice so that the hybrid won’t hear you through the open door to the kitchen.

- “I won’t tell him about your crush don’t worry.” You smile, rubbing a hand down his side. Namjoon goes hot underneath your fingers and you can tell you’ve hit the nail on the head by the way he whines lowly and presses his face into your shoulder. Rubbing his head along your shoulder in a peculiar way.

- And really how could you not have noticed Namjoon’s crush? He’d always been hanging around Seokjin, always interested in what he’d been cooking, always ready to help both him and you at the drop of a hat. He watched every one of Seokjin’s videos- though he’d never tell the other hybrid that.

- You had noticed his crush on Seokjin, but Namjoon didn’t know how you didn’t notice his crush on you. Sure you couldn’t see how fondly he looked at you, or the slight little bits of jealousy that sprouted up in him whenever he saw you and Seokjin kissing in the morning light, or in the mornings after he can smell that you’ve both been intimate.

- After he’s definitely heard your voice murmur “Jinnie- oh my god yes” coming from your bedroom when he gets up to get a snack. The way that you would lean into each other both flustered and sated in the kitchen the morning after in a way that Namjoon definitely loves to see.

- And definitely wants to cause.

- Even if that want on Namjoon’s short list of wants makes fear of being turned down, of not being accepted, Turn in his stomach like a tide. He’s glad that you can’t see the way he looks at you, forlorn and longing, both of you barefoot in his garden at the beginning of May, the setting sun turning the garden orange.

- Your hand comes up to brush against his ears again in a slow lazy gesture, fingers smoothing out ruffles in the fur that aren’t there. “Why don’t you plant some herbs for him too Namjoon? I’m sure he’d love that.” Namjoon nods against your hand.

- So Namjoon picks up basil and tomatoes, parsley and oregano, as well as a rosemary plant from the nursery. Some of the plants are expensive, especially the glossy clay pot he decides is perfect for the rosemary since it needs to go on your small porch instead of in the ground (because it can’t be in the rain so much as the other plants he tells you). But with the way he excitedly talks about all the things that Seokjin will be able to make with them makes the price worth it.

- And really- you have more money than you know what to do with so why not spend it on your hybrid that you’re already starting to love so much.

- You know that’s not the way to get into his heart- as buying things is rarely better than just plain old spending time. So one morning when your workload is light- you go outside and ask Namjoon if they’re anything that you can do to help.

- “You can deadhead the petunias in the window boxes!” the soft floral scent of the petunias is pleasant and you can easily feel dried and crunch dead flowers compared to the velvet of the ones that have already wilted.

- He comes up behind you, and you can hear the smile in his voice when he says, “you missed one.” His chest warms your back, instead of just picking the dead head for you, Namjoon’s large hand, a little rough and moist from the dirt guides your hand to touch the tip of a crackling dry settle underneath the velveteen softness of the leaves.

- Before Namjoon can move away you lean against him a little, your back up against his chest his thick sweater pillowing you, shoulders fitting perfectly in between the bounds of his arms. And you find his back steady, His tail swishes happily. He noses at the top of your head then stoops to hook his chin over your shoulder. Arms wrapping around you strong and lithe, protective in a way that makes you feel small and cared for and treasured.

- But there’s something in the way you sigh. Something too heavy to be entirely happy. “Are you alright?”

- “Just a little stressed” you admit easily, Namjoon’s finger runs a line down your arm, the sleeve from his shirt tickling your skin along with the rough pads of his fingers. “Work is just a little busy right now.”

- “Anything to worry about?” Namjoon asks uneasily. “No not at all- there’s just more work than I can realistically handle by myself so the firm is going to hire a new person and then I’ll have to work with someone new and just ugh- I hate when things change with work because I get so wrapped up in it- and just- it doesn’t give me the best results.”

- Namjoon’s heart constricts as he thinks about you frustrated, and if he’s being honest, he wonders why he’d never noticed before. But now that he thinks about it you have been spending a little more time in your office than usual. “If there’s anything I can do to help…” he says trailing off at the end.

- He wishes he knew how to help you better, and wishes he was better at expressing his emotions. He’d never really learned how. His first owner hadn’t allowed him to be anything other than stoic when in his heart been anything but.

- You lean into him a little bit more and your head tilts up, your cheek rubbing soft against his, so so close to him, he can almost feel the curve of your mouth, almost feel your lips against his skin and the weight of that almost touches him more than your hand does when it comes to rest against his forearm.

- The touch too sensual, too tender, needed too much to bear it all, but the physical affection too good and too dreamed about for Namjoon too pull away. Everything feels like fresh electricity to Namjoon’s touched starved skin. “Honestly? This helped so much.”

- Namjoon squeezes you a little tighter. “You can help with the garden whenever you want.” And you do, though there is a small limit on what you can do because you don’t really like digging in the ground. The small worms startling you with their wriggles and unpleasantness, so you stick to pruning and watering.

- One night after dinner Namjoon chats to you about how he was thinking about getting more scented plants and planting them in the garden. And you blush and tell him that you’d love it if he did that.

- So Namjoon buys a trellis to go up the back wall and plants jasmine, honeysuckle and scented roses, that waft through your open windows when you keep them open to encourage an early summer breeze.

- One day you’re walking back from a new bookstore (which Namjoon wanted to check out to look for good books on gardening,) with Namjoon and Seokjin and you catch a sweet scent on the air and you stop. Namjoon searches for the plant to try to find out what the citrus scent is finding an orange tree on an old lady’s front porch.

- Namjoon finds one a few weeks later after he drags you to a different specialty garden store. He plants gardenias and lavender just as the first tomatoes start to ripen and the cilantro truly starts to explode and you find yourself sitting out on the steps more often to work.

- Namjoon spies a table on the side of the road with a pair of small wire chairs that someone’s throwing out, and drags them back to your house. he puts them on your little deck for you to sit at in the mornings. and when it gets warmer You prop up your laptop, not really working, just Listening to the soft sound of the city echoing in the distance and your hybrid softly humming to himself.

- seokjin will bring out little bits of food for whatever he's making for you to try, or sit and play cards with Namjoon on that table, sometimes seokjin even leaves the doors open so the three of you can be in each others space even more.

- One day, Seokjin walks into the kitchen and cries out. “Namjoon! What’s this?” he holds up the sprig of rosemary and a handful of basil leaves like an accusation, and Namjoon looks down at the floor his hears pinned to his head.

- “I um- I planted some herbs in the garden because I thought you might…like to cook with them?” he says shyly, refusing to meet Seokjin’s eyes. Seokjin stands there stunned- that the wolf boy actually planted things with him in mind? The garden that he puts all of his efforts into? The garden that he works on every day- some of that garden was planted for Seokjin?

- “Oh.” He says, wishing that it wasn’t so obvious when he blushed, Namjoon waits for the elder to dismiss him; to say that he shouldn’t have planted them because he’ll never use them and it’s just easier to buy them at the store. but instead, Seokjin says “Well in that case- I need a little more of the rosemary if I’m going to make baked potatoes tonight for dinner- would you grab some for me?” Namjoon jumps and runs to get him more ecstatic that he’d been accepted.

- “I thought you were making a side salad tonight to better complement the chicken?” you say idly from the table and where you’ve been reading. Sending him a knowing smile.

- “Oh, hush,” Seokjin says, “who am I to refuse him when he’s so sweet?”

- “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you like him Jin.” You say with teasing air, a little too happy about the obvious but trying not to be obvious flirting that just went on in the kitchen.

- “Aish woman, you’re never going to let me live are you?” you brush your hand against Jin’s palm, pressing against the underside and feeling the way he softly trembles.

- “Nervous?” you ask, a little breathless, Seokjin leans over and presses a kiss to your forehead. “Starting things always makes me nervous,” Seokjin admits softly, but he gives no more explanation than that. He has no explanation beyond the warm feeling in his chest when Namjoon comes running back in, almost knocking one of his pans off the burner, missing it only thanks to Seokjin’s steady hands which grab him “Namjoon! Be careful you could burn yourself!”

- Namjoon’s smile is incandescent as he ignores Seokjin’s words blatantly. “I didn’t know how much you wanted so I got a whole branch! And There where also some tomatoes ripe so I-” Namjoon blushes, can’t meet Seokjin’s eyes. Seokjin sees that Namjoon’s brought in far too much for just one meal. His heart swells as Namjoon shoves all of the produce into Seokjin’s arms and promptly takes off back through the door back to his garden.

- Seokjin takes a glass and puts the rest of the rosemary in it and puts it on the windowsill and catches himself looking at it the next day fondly And thinks crap- he needs to ask you about this before anything happens, before the little sprouts of affection that he feels for the other hybrid start to grow and flower and make a home in his chest right next to his feelings for you.

- And he does, he goes up to your office at that moment. You hold up a finger as you prattle on to the person on your phone, talking about stocks in a way that lets Seokjin know that you’re too tired to continue working afterward. He’s careful to shut the door and close the open window, Namjoon is out in his garden again, like always, even though it’s been missing all afternoon, and he doesn’t want the other hybrid to overhear this conversation.

- “What is it Jin?” you ask when you’re finished, and he takes one step towards you and kneels, emotions filling his mouth and not letting words out, lying his head onto your lap and lifting your hand to his ears. You huff happily at the forceful taking of affection, something sweetened by familiarity. But when your fingers brush against his mouth you find a frown there. You mirror it without seeing it, “What’s wrong honey, what’s got you so upset?”

- “I know we don’t talk about us all that often, but you know that I love you, but I want you to know, if you want this to be a “Just us thing”- with Joonie- I won’t- not if you don’t want me to- if you-” Seokjin stutters the words not coming out right.

- “Jinnie you love him too,” you say, your voice breaking a little bit, chiding and gentle “and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t… feel something, so you don’t have to worry.”

- “He’s just so freaking cute.” Seokjin groans, the words almost a frustrated curse against your bare legs. because yes, You’re both totally whipped for him. the smiley and protective hybrid that’s as gentle as the plants he grows makes both of your hearts pitter pater like the rain on the roof of your home.

- And it’s a home with the three of you- not just any old house. The feeling of home and family and love is stitched into every inch of your lives and none of you wants that to ever change.

- A few days later, before Seokjin has a chance to act on his budding feelings, Seokjin is making another YouTube video in the kitchen when you and Namjoon are sitting in the living room. it’s raining too hard outside for Namjoon to work on his garden, and your show just ends.

- “I should probably go get some work done,” you sigh against Namjoon’s shoulder, a blanket covers the both of your laps, and his body is a line of warmth against your side. It might be nearing summer, but you always like being cozy. You purposeful put your air conditioner on a little early because of it. After all- you have literal furnace Kim Seokjin too sleep next to every night.

- Namjoon makes a noncommittal noise of ascent, he doesn’t want you to leave, but he won't stop you when he knows you need to work. He doesn’t get his legs out of the way fast enough and you fall into him. But he manages to catch you, one hand of yours falls on his chest, and the other on his right arm, you let out a little oof sound.

- Namjoon looks up, an apology already on his lips, and any other day he’d think a totally different when your breath runs over his face but you… your hand on his arm, it’s tracing what’s underneath his clothes.

- The long sleeve shirt is too thin and unlike usual he’s not wearing a thick sweatshirt, he should have known your overactive senses would be able to feel them right now.

- You pause for a moment, putting two and two together, “Joon?” you ask tentatively.

- Then He’s depositing you on the other side before you can say anything else, standing up and leaving the living room as quickly as he can. His pulse jumping with anxiety- because you can't know, he’d just started to get comfortable here. he’d been so careful, he doesn’t want you to find out. Knowing you could send him away if you find out about his most terrible secret.

- You aren’t letting him get away, even as Namjoon tries to escape to his garden, going through the kitchen.

- Seokjin makes an aggravated sigh and pauses the camera before turning off the burner. “Guy’s! You’re going to make me burn the Onions-“ and he’s about to educate you on the perfect mixture of crunchiness and gumminess, but then he sees how you’re trailing after Namjoon looking conflicted, you manage to catch his arm. “Namjoon wait-”

- “It’s nothing- don’t worry about it- I’m not-” he reverses his direction, going for his shoes and his jacket, his anxiety is screaming at him- yelling at him to get away away away from the threat.

- The threat is this: your sad imploring expression trying to pay for Namjoon’s secrets, the ones he doesn’t share- not ever, and Seokjin’s wide eyes that are wanting to pry his chest open and have his secrets laid out on the floor of your kitchen.

- “Namjoon if you’re hurt you need to tell me-”

- “I don’t need to tell you anything!” the hybrid yells, you and Seokjin freeze. You’d never heard him yell before and suddenly Namjoon can’t breathe, the air too cloying and pressing on his chest.

- He takes his shoes with shaking hands and slams the door so hard that the ceramic pots he’d gotten by the door rattle, not even bothering to put them on before he leaves. Namjoon toes them on at the top of the steps and by the bottom, he’s running.

- Seokjin holds the pan of frying onions in his hands staring wide-eyed in the direction of the hybrid that’s just disappeared. “What the fuck?”

- You start to sniff in the doorway, and Seokjin drops the pan with a clatter in a when he realizes you’re crying, his hands and arms crush you to his chest, your tears soak into his apron. “Honey” his voice is soft and as sweet as the pet name he uses with you. “What’s wrong? What happened? What made Joonie so upset?”

- Seokjin rubs the tears away from your eyes as you swallow back a lump in your throat. “I fell against him and I felt something under his shirt- they where Scars Seokjin.”

*PART 3 COMING SOON*

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huangsren · 5 years

Text

boyfriend!jaemin ; no one else

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ;

(idol) jaemin as your boyf because he’s the only one doing it to my soul and it’s true. this is for you, i know you’re in your “i actually love The Na Jaemin” hours

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 ;

ALL FLUFF AND ALL JAEMIN (.. maybe there’s one point of some ‘tension’,,) bc you can never get enough of this boy

na jaemin x (fem)reader

we all know jaemin as this light-hearted, flirtatious pretty boy which is no lie!

but he’s also severely kind and loving

so imagine,, volunteering with him and having your relationship a secret?!

like you guys are out in the kids section of the library and he’s reading a storybook about a prince and his princess to them and when he says, “even if the princess was an ordinary girl, the prince wouldn’t fall for anyone else” and he just keeps eye contact with you

and you try not to make the fact you’re in love with all that he does so obvious so you tease him with, “i’m just ordinary?”

and he replies with a, “you’re everything but” and slips a small peck on your lips before anyone can catch on about the distance and tension between you two

but he has to leave to play a song for the kids and you go to arrange all the books and materials in the room because you’re genuinely here to do good, not just to be mesmerized by your secret famous boyfriend

and while he’s smiling and playing, jaemin can tell that you’re not paying much attention to him so after the song is over, he makes a little paper airplane and ‘accidentally’ sends it your way

annoyed by his intense clinginess in public, you open the paper plane to find a little note scribbled messily that read, “look at me :(”

so you smile and giggle to yourself by how cute he is and how much he needs your attention and when you look over your met with some girl volunteer clearly trying to get at him,

and you can’t lie, it kind of left you feeling hurt and jealous

which sucks because when you leave and are in the car, you can’t help but think about the way he smiled and helped and laughed with the other girl bc honest to god she looked so pretty and kind and everything you lacked

and you know that jaemin chose you and he’s an idol so of course he’s going to be polite, he’s na jaemin!

but you’re just like any girl and he could leave you for just about anyone else he finds an interest in and you can’t help to stop the loose frown that overcomes your original, bright expression

and jaemin, being all head over heels for you- and yknow, your boyfriend- notices and asks what’s up

and before you can even finish telling him that you’re nowhere near what he deserves, he shushes you and leans your head onto his shoulder and tightens the embrace he has on you, with one arm around your shoulders and the other around your waist

he would kiss your head and brush your hair from time to time before saying, “i love you, and only you. i really am in love with everything that you are and i’m sorry you had any doubts about that love for even a second”

so of course that feeling of not being wanted and not being enough for jaemin is washed away and you snuggle into his neck and fall asleep with his warmth never leaving you the rest of the ride

also, going on dates and hang outs with him PLUS ‘00 line? nothing but the best fun!

sometimes you get to video them for the youtube channel vlogs and you’ve never been the happiest

the way they all give you second hand embarrassment by talking to the camera and doing aegyo or trying to be flirty with the lens,, straight up hiLARIOUS!

but you’re the one that gets to experience it all with them and especially jaemin

the one who gets to be there with them and know which clips were cut out and about how they slip up on camera a lot more than you would guess

plus you get to hear them admitting that it does get hard and that having to be under surveillance 24/7 and all the work is really one of the toughest things about being an idol

and you’re glad. you’re happy they trust you enough to talk, enough to let you see what others can’t really see that clearly, and enough to let you date jaemin despite the downsides of a relationship

and when you all go for boba in the least public part of the store and in low key disguises, you get to hold jaemin’s hand and call him your love

to which jeno, renjun, and haechan roll their eyes to and become over-dramatic, renjun acting like he just choked on a tapioca pearl because it’s too much pda

but this is it. this is one of the only times you get to be with jaemin and even though you want to be a little more on the down low about it,

jaemin will have none of that and go all out to show his love for you in front of the boys, because, when else will he have the chance to show you off?

so him and his bare face (which you’re actually in love with) drag you to flower shops, food stalls, cute plushie stores, and present you with countless (low-key) couple shirts, cases, keychains, and bracelets

it’s all his money being spent which you feel bad for so you tell him that you’ll pay for the next one, but he always stops you because he says he likes the thought of buying you something that reminds you of him since you guys can’t always be together the way he wants

there’s also times when jeno and hyuck use you to prank jaemin and get him all stirred up, which you agree to because it’s not like you hate the way he gets worked up over you

so when you guys are in prank mode, you’ll only pay attention and laugh with hyuck and/or jeno with jaemin right beside you

maybe even playfully push jeno’s arm or give haechan a high-five that turns into holding hands for a second before letting go to seem like it’s not much

but everyone can tell that jaemin can’t stand it because his once smiling face and loving eyes are now glaring at haechan and shooting daggers at jeno constantly, not even trying to hide it

and so he pulls you impossibly closer into his side and plays with your hands on the table in front of the two just so they know

and you’re still trying to play the prank, acting like you’re unfazed and like it’s nothing,

but you can feel the heat rising to your ears as he places his head into the side of your neck, trying to look over at the phone in your hand and you turn his direction to tell him to stop being so nosy

and now you’re extremely close, his head just a little lower than yours, your eyes wide and suddenly the weight of his arms are more evident than before with him flicking his eyes up from your lips to your own

and you take in that handsome face of his right before you think of doing something sasaengs would kill you for

until you hear a groan from jeno and a fake barfing noise from renjun

which prompts you to turn your head away from that captivating lover that is your boyfriend and cough it off

but in the side of your eye you catch jaemin with a smirk, still looking at you

and when he sees that you’re eyeing him he winks and smooches the air before looking at the boys and arguing with them because they’re always ruining his moment

besides with the boys, you and jaemin have gone out together alone too (but a manager is always hiding in the bushes somewhere,,)

and you guys share airpods, sharing each other’s current favorite songs and take walks in your neighborhood park since it’s a bit smaller and empty than most

and on your walks it isn’t unusual to have some elderly women compliment you on getting such a good looking boyfriend and swooning over him because he seems like such a “kind young man, i think i saw you on my granddaughters phone ?!”

they all pat his face and tell him that “if she’s a good one, you better not be using your good looks for bad reasons” which he assures them he isn’t and gives them that warm smile of his

and on the occasional days you’re allowed to watch them practice you find your eyes on jaemin and jaemin only, thinking to yourself how it’s possible to be so enchanted by him, how is it that he is the only one that can make you feel the way you do

after the practice is over he goes straight to you who’s sitting patiently on the couch and you have to nag at him yet again for not drinking water first

but in the times you think about your relationship with jaemin, you’re awfully thankful that you have perfection, and perfection is him

not literally perfection because the fact you two have to be secret and there are so many things that keep you from truly living out your love sort of ruin what you really want, but it’s all worth it when you feel your hand in his

and when you see those good morning and good night texts, and get to feel the best hugs in the world, and most of all, that tired yet satisfied face he has when he comes to you in the dressing room after a big show or practice

because you know it’s one of the expressions that only you get to see and only jaemin can have because there’s no one else like him

only one na jaemin, and he’s yours

and you would keep it a secret, even keep it only between you two- you would do anything if it meant this happiness and love you felt for each other would never go away

a / n : i just KNOW that na jaemin has the ability to love and adore someone like no one else can when he’s in love (i feel it in my bOnes,,) and this probably isn’t a quarter of what him in love would look like but it’s something

#na jaemin imagine #na jaemin #nana #jaemin imagine #nct jaemin #nct jeno #nct dream #huangsrenaus #lee jeno #boyfriend!jaemin #i just KNOW jaemin #has the ability to love and adore someone #like no one else can

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psycho-slytherin · 5 years

Text

Strangers ch. 37

You finally bite back– and walk in on Yoongi.

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count: 1.5k

Genre: fluff, angst

|mlist|

<–– Prev Next ––>

You shrug on your coat, beyond relieved to be able to wear your layers again. Commercial filming is done for the day– you only have to show up tomorrow morning and hopefully be done in a few hours. God, you were cold, so cold, and tense. Your phobia has been messing with your head and keeping you on edge, and you’re so fucking angry that you’ve let yourself become weak. You’re a liar; you’ve always managed to bullshit your way around weaknesses. Letting a fear so illogical disrupt your life? You hate it. It’s pathetic.

Your phone buzzes as you wait inside the studio for Lisa to pick you up, and you check it– it might be Yoongi, and you could use a mood booster.

@captainkookie21: lol @yourname is such a royal bitch, amirite??

Ah, yes. Of course. Of course, why would it be Yoongi, when you’ve got such merciless hatred to keep you constant company? Why would it ever be Yoongi? You’re just friends, it’s not like he cares– why should he care? You’re typing before you realize it; you’re sick of taking all this shit.

@yourname: @captainkookie21 royal is right sweetie I’m such a queen <3 glad u at least know my name tho since I sure don’t know yours ;)

You send the tweet and shove your phone in your purse. The anger inside you has been temporarily assuaged, but you can still feel it bubbling beneath your skin. You’re pathetic, you’re weak, you’re a liar, and everyone hates you. You’ve spent so long in despair– god, when will you ever just get a break? Why can’t something just go right?

Your phone rings, and the caller ID tells you it’s your best friend.

“Lisa? Are you outside?”

“Hey girl! Sorry, I’m calling to tell you I can’t make it– an assignment I forgot about came up in class and I gotta pull an all-nighter to get it finished. I’m really sorry! Call a car back to yours, okay? Love you, mwah!”

You grit your teeth and sigh. You need to go home and watch YouTube until your eyes bleed. Usually when you needed cheering up you’d watch BTS crack videos or Run episodes, but even that seems wrong now that you know them for real.

Whatever. You take an Uber home and fall onto your bed. Maybe you’ll actually fall asleep early for once once.

~~~

@kceleb-updates: NEW! #MoonOverTheSea’s @yourname was criticized for replying to a Netizen anti’s tweet! Y/n’s had lots of controversy since becoming @BTS_twt’s #SUGA’s girlfriend. Stay tuned!

Hoseok sits back with a sigh. “She really can’t go a day without sparking some argument or another.”

“It’s not her fault,” Yoongi growls, scribbling rapidly in a beat-up notebook.

“She could’ve left well enough alone. After dealing with those haters for so long, I thought she knew that by now.”

“It’s only gotten worse since they made us pretend to date. I still don’t know why Manager-nim thought it would be a good idea.”

“Hyung, if you didn’t have the dating excuse to be together, they would’ve slut-shamed her or called her a social climber for being out with you at night anyways. The photo, remember?” Hoseok shrugs, sprawled on the bed of their Japanese hotel room. “Face it– there’s no winning when she’s associated with us; they’re always going to compare her to you.”

“Ugh! I should’ve– done something, I should’ve said something! Hobi, she was put in danger because of me!” Yoongi still doesn’t look up, only gripping his pen tighter. “She keeps saying she’s fine but she’s not, and I know she’s strong– stronger than I was, than I could ever be– but she was hurt, nearly killed, and she’s fucking traumatized because of it. Because of me.”

“Quit beating yourself up, Yoongi hyung. Y/n is a grown woman and she’s making her own choices. She’s trying to protect you– haven’t you noticed? Jeez, she probably knew this was how you’d react– no wonder she kept it a secret.”

“I don’t need protecting anymore.”

“Neither does she.”

“But the haters–”

“So do something about them then. Y/n already has,” Hobi nods at his phone. “What are you going to do?”

Yoongi stares at his notebook. “What I do best.”

~~~

“Y/n, please, darling, don’t make me beg! C’mon, eyes closed, you don’t even have to kiss his cheek, just get closer to him.”

You swallow nervously and nod, before taking a breath and leaning forward, your lips barely brushing Wonho’s smooth skin.

“Perfect… trail your hand down his neck, that’s it… Wonho, give me a lip bite, look right into the camera– yes, exactly! We’ll have the music swell, and add the voiceover right here. And… cut! I think that’s our take!” The staff applauds as the director calls out the end of the commercial shoot. You grin inwardly– if you hurry, you can make it to the boys’ apartment for dinner.

Wonho extends a hand as you leave the set. “It was nice working with you, y/n. I hope to see you around sometime.”

You smile and shake his hand. Wonho had really been the best part of this freezing, somewhat demeaning endeavor. “Same, it was a good experience. I’m sure we’ll run into each other again.”

Lisa hasn’t texted since yesterday, so you figure she’s still working on the assignment. So much for no more rideshare apps, you think dryly as you’re dropped off a few blocks from the boys’ place. You can’t wait to surprise them, and it’ll be a good chance to ask Jimin for another video for Lisa.

You pull your hood up to cover your hair– bundled in all your layers, and with the sunset’s last breath settling over the city, the crowd of ARMYs clustered around the building ignore you easily. You slip into the side door using the spare key Yoongi lent you when you stayed with them and tiptoe up the stairs.

Holding back a giggle, you knock on the door to the apartment, and… nothing. No one answers. You knock harder– still nothing. Maybe they’re watching a movie? Or was their flight delayed? Yoongi said everyone would be back by Saturday evening and they have a private jet anyways, so they should be home.

You try the door and find it unlocked. Huh. It’s not trespassing if you’re their friend, right?

Tentatively you enter the house. “Guys…?” It feels eerily empty– maybe their flight was delayed. No, wait! You hear a voice, and music coming from down the hall. Are they recording? You’ve never been into any of their studios, but you’ve seen enough pictures online to know all about them.

Maybe you should leave. You’re about to turn around when you hear a muffled, yet familiar voice.

“So when there’s someone new… no, that’s not it.”

Well, at least you know your Yoongi is home. You quietly pad closer to the famed Genius Studio– You’re just curious, like any fan would be. You’re about to knock on the door when you hear something that stops you cold.

“Ugh– y/n!”

You practically jump out of your skin. Wait, what? Does he know I’m here? How? Your every drop of blood turns to ice and you back away from the door in case it swings open. Instead, Yoongi only continues; perhaps he’s talking to himself?

“Okay, okay. Trying again. This is take, uh… sixteen? Seventeen? Aish, who cares. C’mon, Agust, gotta get it right.” Yoongi’s muffled voice shifts in tone as a beat starts, and you can see Agust D in your mind’s eye when he begins to rap:

“Here’s someone new, a challenger to drown and rue, but think about it, mull it over, she’ll talk until you’re drop-dead sober, dock some points, you’re so below her, do your best to fucking loathe her, love her, think yourself so much above her–”

You feel half-hypnotized. Her? Who’s her? Maybe you should knock, it almost feels too personal, too intimate to overhear but you can’t interrupt, not now–

“She’s stronger than I’ll ever be, so if you’re gonna hate, hate me.”

If Yoongi keeps executing these perfect rhythmic shifts and internal rhymes you might be in serious danger of falling in love with him for real.

“Calling people snakes on a verbal kill spree only exacerbates the pain, trapping us in our brains, until there’s one way out, goddamn.”

“Beautiful,” you whisper, barely noticing that you’ve spoken aloud. Yoongi’s words, his raps, his poetry… it’s beautiful. You’re entranced to the point that you don’t notice the beat has stopped.

“Did you say something, Jimin-ssi?” Yoongi calls from inside his studio.

Oh shi-

The door swings open before you can react and Yoongi steps out. His expression is relaxed, unguarded... until he catches sight of you.

“Y-Y/n?”

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, lovelies! Hope you enjoyed <3 As always, thanks for reading, and please don’t forget to like, comment, and reblog!

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pr1ncessjasm1ne · 5 years

Text

Love Sick

Summary: Y/N reminisces on memories that have led to the confessions of her best friend, [college!]Grayson, admitting his feelings. Word Count: ~ 5,600 Warnings: Cursing, mentions of smoking and drinking, but mostly fluff. A/N: Yikes, this is my first time posting for this fandom and NOT on my side blog, this is also the first time I write with a concept that I really like and needed for myself. I grew to love it and I might make a part 2, so PLEASE FEEL FREE TO GIVE FEEDBACK AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WOULD WANT A SECOND PART!!! <3

tags: @cutesydolan @joeyskinnyleg @hmmmethan @ohmydolantwins

My days at university have been exceptionally beautiful during many moments. I was getting to date my best friend, whom I met here. It was an occurrence that I never really expected. It all started my freshman year. It was move-in day, to be exact.

“Mom, it’s to the left,” I instruct her on the other end of the large, blue plastic moving cart that we had unloaded my stuff into from our car. It was move in day for my first year of college, and I was ecstatic to be settled in and meeting new people to make friends immediately. I was also super excited to finally be away from home where I had never been allowed out of the house.

“Okay, number 205, right?” she asks as she slows down in front of the room. I nod in confirmation and move around to unlock the door. I guess I beat my roommate, since it was empty.

“Sweet, I want the bottom bunk!” I smiled at my mom as I started to walk in and she followed with the cart.

“Yay! If you fall off when you’re sleeping, you’re only a couple of feet off the ground!” She teased. She likes to think I’m a huge clutz in avoiding the reality that she’s oblivious to, which is that she’s the huge clutz. But whatever. I rolled my eyes in response and asked her to start putting the sheets on my bed while I go get the second cart with my dad.

The second I stepped out my door, I bumped in to a taller, larger man holding a huge box that hit my face. “Oh shit- I’m so, so sorry!” I heard as I clenched my eyes shut and held my hands to my temple. I open my eyes to find a pair of beautiful, deep green orbs decorated with some thick and sharp eyebrows currently furrowed with concern.

“Uh… it’s ‘kay,” I giggled. I felt like I forgot the entire English language in that moment. I continued my hold on my temple before he gently removed my hands by the wrists, making me shiver a bit.

“Oh no, did the corner of the box hit you? It looks like you have a little cut.. oh my god, I’m so-“

“Hey, it’s fine! Nothing a little Neosporin can’t fix,” I reassure, “just be a little more careful, please. I’m asking for everyone.” He sports a small smirk and I caught his cute little dimple. The little dimple I didn’t know I would ever come to love so much.

“Okay, you got it. But still, I’m so sorry. Can I do anything?” He asks, without realizing someone was behind him trying to push another cart. It was my dad, bringing in the second cart I was supposed to help him with.

“Y/N, who’s this?” My dad blatantly asks. Grayson drops his hold on my hands and looks up. Dad has never been fond of any boys in my life, saying they were clearly only after one thing. It was no different with any stranger who looked between 17 and 20 years old. He’s a little overprotective, I guess.

“Good question, what’s your name, boy-who-hit-me-with-his-box?” I cross my arms and cock an eyebrow. He shifts his eyes between my dad and I, growing a little red in the face.

“I promise it was an accident- I’m Grayson…” he smiles a bit awkwardly. I couldn’t help but giggle at his reaction to my dad’s glare after I mentioned the incident that brought our meet, to begin with.

My dad completely dismissed Grayson’s existence and asked me to move out of the doorway to bring the first cart in and replace it with the second one. I did as I was told and moved over to let my parents handle the moving for a second.

“Do you need any help with that box, by the way?” I asked, pointing down at the box he had dropped when he grabbed my wrists. He quickly bent down to pick it up and let out a small chuckle.

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind a spotter to make sure I don’t hit anyone else,” he smiled in my direction. How am I supposed to resist that smile? I moved to be in front of him and led him down to the boy’s hall of the residence.

“What number?” I asked, slowing down my pace as we made our way down.

“220, right there,” he pointed me to the door just a few feet away. I helped him steer clear of a couple of parents he couldn’t see, and probably would have hit with his obscenely large moving box. I noticed the door was prompted open, so I let myself in. I let curiosity get the best of me and decided to watch him for a bit.

“Bottom or top bunk?” I asked. He set the box down behind me and dropped to his knees to start unpacking it.

“I want the bottom bunk, but I know my brother is going to use the ‘I was born first’ card to claim it once he gets here,” he sighs. I take the liberty to sit down on the bottom bunk to test it out.

“Hmm. Unless you want to hit your head constantly on the top bunk, I think you dodged a bullet there,” I stated while holding the metal bars above me.

“Same difference, I’ll hit my head up on the ceiling, too. I just don’t wanna climb,” he smiles. He shifts his focus from the box over to me, and I notice he caught a glance of my exposed thighs in my shorts. I immediately felt a bit insecure and I covered them with my hands before standing up.

“True. Well, good luck to you, Grayson. I have to go help my parents before they complain and say I’m avoiding them,” I say while peeping into his box. It looked like a bunch of tech stuff and lost interest for the moment, making a mental note to ask about it later. “I’ll see you around,” I sport my biggest smile as I leave the room.

“Bye, Y/N!”

I saw Grayson very frequently that year. We bumped into each other nearly every day first semester; I saw him after sociology as I was making my way into the building and he was making his way to class. During midterms season in early October, I would get annoyed of my roommate talking to her boyfriend from back home every single night while I was trying to study. I decided to go in the common room of the residence hall one night and found Grayson taking up an entire table with his laptop, books, and notes spread out as he was studying. That night, he was wearing a white hoodie and gray sweats, looking real cute and cozy. He had his hood up and fidgeted with the strings, which I later found out he did often. He was alone in the common room, which indicated that it was pretty late at night considering that was a popular study space. Even though there was plenty of space, I still sat at the table he occupied because I didn’t want him to feel lonely, even if we were both going to be silently working on our own things. That quickly turned out to be the opposite of what we intended. Every time we started studying, he would ask me random questions about myself and got me rambling for hours. Eventually, this became a problem because we would never really get work done. I found out his twin brother, Ethan, was always playing video games late at night while he tried to study. I didn’t mind that I would hardly get my work done with him. I enjoyed getting to know him every few nights at 3 in the morning until the sun rose and we called it a night and went on with our lives.

Second semester, I found him in my statistics class. Our late-night study sessions, therefore, started to become intentional as well as more frequent. The fact that we both actually needed to study and had each other for support didn’t stop us from getting distracted and talking about literally anything else. I also started hanging out with him in our rooms which eventually led to hanging out outside of the residence hall. We started going to the dining halls together along with his brother, Ethan, and my new friend Alena. Alena quickly made a move on Ethan one night while we were all taking a walk around the lake nearby to stargaze. I was very happy for them when they shared their first kiss together, but it made me a bit sad when I had no one to share an experience like that with. Grayson suggested I should get on tinder, but I didn’t cave then. I was always hoping something would spark between us and bring us together and I don’t think I would have wanted there to be a chance for it to happen with someone else. Not at that time.

Over summer, Grayson and Ethan went back to New Jersey, while Alena went back to her hometown of San Angelo, Texas. I made my way back to my small town in California, which was only a few hours away from our university. I was happy to be back home, but I missed Grayson more than anyone. We started sending one another consistent snapchats of random things that happened throughout our day. Or random selfies with “bored” somewhere on the caption. It always depended on the day, really. But there was never a day I didn’t see his gorgeous face on my screen. At some point in the summer, we started to facetime at night, continuing our late-night chats from the study room. Most times, he would be sending me things to watch on youtube and watch my reaction. It was something we liked to do at our distracted study nights as well. Other times, we would just keep each other company while we played video games or one of us was trying to sleep. It became habitual to fall asleep to the sound of Grayson Dolan’s soft snores even though he had never physically slept next to me. I almost couldn’t sleep the night I moved back up for the second year of college.

“This apartment is sick, [Y/N]! You could throw parties here!” Grayson exclaimed, sitting on my new bed. I let out a small giggle as I sat next to him. “I’m not really a party girl, Gray,” I tilted my head at him. He averted his gaze and stared at his lap.

“You’re right, but I’ll be coming over a lot. This is way better than the small studio Ethan got us stuck with,” he said shifting his eyes back to mine. I felt a slight rush of heat and decided to lay down and stare at the ceiling to shake off the effect Grayson’s eyes had on me. I hadn’t looked into them since the last day before summer, and I forgot how intimidating they were. I always felt like Grayson could see into my soul and take it to keep whenever he laid eyes on me.

“You’re welcome to stay whenever Ethan won’t stop geeking out,” I offered. “But you’re also welcome whenever, and you know that”. I was trying so hard to suppress the smile that threatened to stretch out my cheeks. I felt him lay back next to me, and I shifted my attention to his face.

“Thanks, beautiful,” he almost whispered. I swear if it had been any lower, I wouldn’t have heard him. I almost pretended not to hear it, but my smile and blushing cheeks made it evident. I quickly sat up again, shaking off this feeling.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want Grayson to know how I felt, nor was it that I was afraid of rejection. I genuinely just wanted to keep Grayson around as platonic as I could for as long as I could. I also did not think he was anywhere in my league, but I wouldn’t let that flood my mind. I enjoyed Grayson and his company. His actions and words never crossed any boundaries of mine and I couldn’t tell if that was intentional or not. Regardless, he was my best friend and Alena would kill me if she heard me say it. I tried to tell myself I was just lusting over my best friend because I was horny, and he was the closest guy I had around. Besides him and Ethan, I didn’t have many guy friends who were straight in my life at the moment. And I definitely did not want to pursue Ethan after him and Alena had hooked up one night and she caught feelings for him- BAD. And I can’t blame her. Ethan was amazing, sweet, hilarious, and the tinge bit of annoying was actually endearing on him. However, he was no Grayson to me. Sure, Ethan checked up on me and sent me random memes every now and then. But my second year showed me just how close Grayson and I were going to get.

It was a cold night during finals week of first semester when I was studying at the library and I got my period out of nowhere. No, it wasn’t just that I was far from my apartment and couldn’t get a pad that made me lose it. It was also that I was so close to failing the class I was studying for, and it was that I had spent 14 hours studying the material that day alone, and that I hadn’t had a proper sleep for 4 days also studying for this exam.

While I was sitting in the bathroom stall, crying my eyes out at 1 am, I tried to call Alena to see if she could bring me a pad or tampon from home. To my dismay, her phone was off and I kept getting sent to voicemail. Just a few minutes later, I got a text from Grayson, who had also been studying with me at the library:

gray<3: hey u good?

I knew he was no stranger to periods and wasn’t one of those boys to get freaked out by it, so I decided to call him.

“Hey, what’s up? You’ve been in the bathroom for a while. I got worried,” he said. I tried to muffle my sobs and get myself together.

“I got my period and I don’t have anything with me, Alena won’t pick u-“

“HEY does anyone have a pad or tampon?” I heard Grayson say away from the speaker. “My friend is in the bathroom, she doesn’t have anyth- oh thanks! Yeah I think she’s in the bathroom on this floor,” he said to someone else. I started laughing at his shameless behavior. He was never hesitant to make sure I was taken care of but this was just amusing to me. “Okay a blonde girl is gonna come in there any minute now, she had something useful,” he giggles. I reciprocate the laughter as my heart jumps a little bit.

“Thanks, Grayson,” I say before hanging up.

While small, the gesture stuck with me that night. He also went to the campus convince store located across from the library and bought me some snacks to cheer me up while we studied a bit longer. When we were done, he walked me back to my apartment and stayed the night. When I asked him why he wanted to spend the night during the most stressful time of our semester when he could be bundled up and cozy in his own bed, he said he would rather make sure I’m extra warm and getting cuddled when I was on my period and stressing over exams. This was new territory in our friendship and we had yet to test the waters. We had cuddled before, but it was always for a short period of time and while others were present. Most times, it was when we were watching movies or playing games with a group of people and we were stuck sitting on the floor. I would lean my back against his chest as he leaned against a couch or cabinet. That night, he held me in the same position but laying down, with one arm gently around my waist and the other tucked around my head as he stroked my hair every now and then. It was the first time since summer that I had fallen asleep to the sound of his soft snores. I found myself drifting off easily to the gentle, warm feeling of them against my hair. To say I caught myself falling in love with him that night is an understatement. I finally admitted it but didn’t know where to go from there. It was different from how I had seen him before.

Winter break separated us again, and the facetime calls became more frequent than they had been over summer. It got to a point where I started introducing him to my family over facetime, and he did the same. Nonetheless, I was surprised on Christmas Eve when he facetimed me asking to open the package that he sent me through the mail as a Christmas gift for a reaction. I was in the living room where my family had been gathered to watch a Christmas movie when he texted me to check the mail. I didn’t expect to see a small box and a separate envelope from him in there. Immediately, I ran up the stairs to my room with my family asking what I was doing. I didn’t pay attention to them and bolted straight to my bed as he called. I answered and sat down before opening the envelope first, as he requested.

The first thing I found in there was a hand-written note reading:

“Y/N,

First of all, you don’t understand how much I miss you. Seeing you through a screen literally does you no justice. I’d rather be giving you this in person. Second, you’re so special to me. You’re my best friend. And my best friend deserves the best. I really hope you like it. I chose it myself and Ethan said it was nice… I kinda trust him. I just thought of you instantly when I saw it. Lastly, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

- Gray”

I think he knew exactly how to pull at my heartstrings by this time, and he knew handwritten notes were one of my favorite things. I kept all the random sticky notes with jokes and doodles he put in my notebooks when I wasn’t looking while we studied at the library all those nights. He didn’t know I kept them all in the back of my planner, sticking them an inch apart to create a collection.

I pulled the next thing out of the envelope, which was three Polaroid pictures we had taken at three different times. The first picture was an attempted selfie that was mostly Grayson’s smile and my eye featuring one of the ears of my cat ear headband. On the bottom, written in sharpie was: “10/31/17 – one of my favorite nights”.

“So we’re dressing up just to hang out and eat candy?” I asked Grayson from my bed, as he sat against it with his laptop open searching for last minute DIY Halloween costumes.

“No, we’re dressing up because it’s Halloween. It’s tradition,” he states sternly.

I didn’t dare question Grayson and his love for holidays. He ended up asking me to do some skull makeup on him, which I did… poorly. And I just stuck on my cat ears that I had laying around for when I wanted to push my hair back while doing my makeup. I went full out with him and drew some whiskers on with eyeliner and drew a pink heart on my nose with lipstick. He insisted we should take a polaroid and the one that came out was the one he sent in the mail. We burst out into laughter after we saw the developed photo because Grayson swore that he had the perfect angle for us to be in frame, and he was totally wrong. But at the time, it was the last of the film he had, and we decided the photo would suffice for memories and we took a few selfies on his phone for better measure. That night ended in us watching Rick and Morty until I passed out in the bed where we were sitting against the wall, and Grayson went home. I didn’t know why it was one of his favorite nights, so I asked him while we were on facetime.

“It was the first night I saw you fall asleep in front of me,” he said with a bit of hesitation in his voice, “all the other times were over facetime.” My lips betrayed me when I tried to hide my smile. I didn’t think Grayson had such fond memories of small things like this as I did. I thought I was the only one.

The second photo was one of Grayson holding a joint in his mouth and I held a lighter against the joint and smiled at the camera. Again, written in sharpie: “11/11/17- baby’s first weed”. I laughed hysterically at this one. This was from the first time Grayson and I smoked weed together, and his first time ever smoking.

“Okay, remember to hold it in your mouth and then when you pull it away, inhale it,” I instructed Grayson. My housemate Kiara had brought home several joints and left them out on the living room coffee table for anyone who wanted them. I was curious to see what Grayson would be like while he was high. Alena was with us, and she had never smoked before either.

“Wait, let me take a picture with Grayson’s polaroid!” Alena exclaimed. We posed somewhat silly, and then I lit the joint for Grayson.

Grayson took a puff of the joint and breathed as I had taught him. His eyes were getting a little bloodshot as he kept taking hits, and they were also a bit hooded and seemed sleepy. I knew he was high when the three of us were sitting in comfortable silence while lightly playing The 1975 from my phone. I heard a slight snort escape him. It took me a little bit to react, looking over to him and giggling inexplicably.

“What?” I asked through a smile.

“I don’t know,” he replied, still giggling. “I just wanna laugh!!”

“It’s the weed, Gray!” Alena cackled out. I couldn’t believe the lightweights that sat on each side of me on the couch. I was also high, but I obviously forgot what it was like when you smoked for the first time.

After a while, Alena felt the sleepiness hit her and she knocked out in her bed, leaving me alone with high Grayson. We sat in the same silence with the light sounds of the music for a while before Grayson admitted he was feeling the munchies hit him. We made our way to the kitchen when I remembered I had some left-over, pre-made cookie dough from baking cookies for Alena’s birthday last month. Right as I put the cookies in the oven, Grayson wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and lifted me up.

“Gray!! STOP!” I squealed and laughed. I would have normally begged him to stop for a bit longer, but he turned me around and sat me up on the counter next to the stove. I choked on my breath a little bit as he spread my legs apart slightly to allow himself in between. I didn’t know what was going on because he had never done this before, but I wasn’t going to complain. His face was close to mine, and I noticed his eyes fixed to my lips, then my eyes, and then my lips again. I couldn’t handle the intensity in this interaction, so I grabbed the cookie dough wrapper and started picking at the bits of lingering dough to stick in my mouth. “Want some?” I asked with a slight shake in my voice, holding out my dough covered finger. He smiled and accepted the cookie dough I held up, licking up the dough and going for more from the wrapper. I didn’t want things to get awkward with Grayson if I had made a move and kissed him when maybe he was just super high and admiring me for no reason.

The last photo was just of me, asleep on his chest with his hand through my hair. This was from the morning after he had spent the night during finals and I didn’t even know he took this. This time, the sharpie just read “12/13/17 – nervous x nbhd”. My heart escaped my entire body and I felt my head start to spin. I knew this meant he wanted me to know that I made him nervous, as The Neighborhood had so perfectly titled their song. I couldn’t breathe, but before I could ask Grayson anything, my mom barged into my room.

“Y/N, come back down please. We’re doing family stuff,” she said eagerly, “don’t be rude by staying up here.”

“Okay, give me just a second mom, Grayson sent me this-“

“Y/N! Now!” she whisper-yelled. I put the polaroids away in my desk just in case my mom wanted to punish me for smoking weed or being asleep on top of a boy.

“Hey, Grayson I’m sorry. I gotta go, but I’ll open the package later?” I bit my finger nervously.

“That’s fine, go do family stuff. I’ll be awake,” he reassures me. I felt butterflies in my stomach knowing I’ll be talking to him later.

While watching yet another boring Christmas movie with my family, I couldn’t help but think about Grayson deciding to put that song title on the picture of me sleeping. What did this mean? Was there any meaning to it at all? I was stepping in more uncharted territory with Grayson, and with anyone. I hadn’t had a boyfriend since the beginning of high school, so I forgot how to interact with boys I liked. I also didn’t get much practice since I was too busy swooning over Grayson to pay attention to any other guys who might have been potential interests. Grayson didn’t make it very clear if there were any other girls in his life, but the more I thought about it, the less I could think of a single time he talked about being interested in a girl. I grabbed my phone and texted Ethan.

Y/N: Hey I need to talk to you Don’t tell Grayson!!! PLEASE!

Eetee: What’s up??

Y/N: Okay I need you to be completely honest with me right now

Eetee: Ok…? I always am but ok

Y/N: Yes. So does Grayson like me??

Read at 9:47pm

I got nervous as he left me hanging for a good 15 minutes.

Y/N: ETHAN PLEASE DON’T SAY ANYTHING TO GRAYSON

Eetee: I can’t tell you anything either

Y/N: What do you mean?

Eetee: You’re asking someone who was sworn to secrecy on this subject. Shouldn’t that give it away?

Eetee: Btw that should be a totally obvious answer, but I can’t insinuate anything. Just talk to him

Ethan knew Grayson was in love with me. Grayson had told him about every single time he got me to smile so much that my faint dimples started showing. Grayson told him about every snapchat I sent him while he held up his phone and said “Isn’t she so cute?!” Ethan was there every time Grayson came home from hanging out with me, feeling sad that he couldn’t find the courage to confess how he felt. Ethan was also there the night Grayson got high and came home giggling hysterically. He knew he had smoked, but what he didn’t expect was to hear Grayson tell him how he almost kissed me. He almost found the courage to act on his feelings, but I made cookie dough our “cock-blocker”. Ethan wanted to tell me all of this right then, but Grayson made him swear he wouldn’t spill a word to me because he wanted to do it himself. He needed to find the right words and the right time.

I decided to leave my family once again, claiming that I was tired and promised to come back down if I couldn’t sleep. It was a cheap excuse, but my family finally let me go and I immediately facetimed Gray as I locked the door to my room.

“Hey again,” he smiled through his barely open hoodie. He was snuggled up in his bed and looked so perfectly cute. I could never get enough of him.

“Hi, sorry about earlier. I’ve been so eager to keep talking to you.”

“It’s okay. Go open your present,” he flashed his toothy smile as he commanded me to open what he sent.

“You know you didn’t have to get me anything, right? The pictures are amazing, and I was so close to crying before my mom came in,” I admitted.

“Cool, then it worked. Now open what I WANTED to get you because I know I don’t have to get you anything,” he chuckled. He knew I was stubborn about gifts and I hated being materialistic.

But when I opened the package, I didn’t expect to see what he had gifted me. It made my heart stop for the second time tonight, but also start racing faster than it was already going. I stopped fighting my smiles at this point. “Gray….. what the…?” I whispered.

“Just wanted you to know how much you mean to me.” He said sweetly. It was a beautiful, dainty gold necklace with a small crescent moon adorning that I had seen in a jewelry store we checked out when Ethan wanted a new chain and we tagged along. It was very pretty but I couldn’t afford it and I had honestly, completely forgotten about it. I’m surprised Grayson remembered how much I loved it when I saw it.

“Why did you- when did you- what?!” I was out of words. This was the most attention someone had ever put into a gift for me. Even though I didn’t wear jewelry often, I knew I was going to be rocking this necklace every single day just because Grayson had gifted it to me.

“I know you love the moon, and you loved that necklace so much. I saw it in your eyes when we were at that store. I went back like a month later by myself and got it. Saved it for Christmas.” Grayson sounded really proud of himself, and honestly, I was too. This was such a sweet gift and it truly made me want to be the first to confess how I felt and get it over with.

“Grayson, I love it. Thank you so much,” I gushed, “god, I love you…” I said quietly. I felt an awkward silence fall on us, and I was unsure as to if he heard me or not. I kept my focus on the necklace to avoid seeing his face if he had heard me.

“Y/N… I need to tell you something….” He said quietly, losing his short-lived confidence. I looked at my phone screen to see him tucked behind his hoodie that he had pulled the strings on, only his nose and some of his forehead visible. “I’ve had a major crush on you since we met, and my feelings just keep getting more intense. I wanted to tell you in person, I swear-“

“It’s okay, you have told me in person,” I cut him off reminiscing in all the memories where I left myself wondering if he liked me or if it was just a delusion of mine. The pictures and his confession of said “crush” was enough confirmation that I had been waiting for.

“What do you… oh, the pictures?” He chuckled, opening his hoodie a little more, to peek through. “Yeah, I was hoping you caught on eventually… I just- I’m not sure how to tell someone I like them, so…”

“It’s fine, I love the pictures. I love the necklace. I’m so, so happy right now, Gray.”

We spent that night on facetime until 5 in the morning in my time zone, but he was up until 8 in the morning, where he had to go open presents with his family. We talked about our different memories where it was obvious that we had feelings for one another and we both felt like the other was not into them. I laughed at how he thought the time I changed in front of him was because I thought of him as a brother. But I was very drunk, and he walked me home that night to make sure I was okay. And I needed help getting out of the dress I had worn because the back zipper got caught on something and fell off completely. Everyone else in my apartment was still out partying and Grayson was the only person around, which was fine by me. I pranced around in my underwear after he helped me out, hoping it would be a bit amusing or maybe spark a bit of innocent, drunk fun between us. He admitted he was also drunk that night, being overly tempted to finally kiss my lips as well, and touching my bare skin made him too nervous to make a move. He didn’t want to send the wrong message, so he avoided contact with me until I needed to be tucked into bed when he kissed my head through my hair. I hardly remembered that, as I was pretty wasted. But, he told me how nervous he was I’d get weirded out by it.

This is where it really started.

#grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan fan fiction #dolan twins fan fiction #dolan twins #ethan dolan #ethan dolan x reader

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rapunzel-withthegoodhair · 6 years

Photo

City & Ghost

pairing: shawn mendes x ofc (narrated second person, reader) summary: maybe he shouldn’t call you. but maybe you shouldn’t pick up. playlist: listen while reading rating: pg-13 (alcohol abuse, swearing, infidelity, older female/younger male, etc) word count: 5639 status: complete / one-shot

author’s notes: just for clarification, my ofc is 27 in this story to shawn’s 20. not an impossibly crazy difference but enough to throw some hurdles in (especially since she’s married). click the ofc link for more info about Holland :)

I look in the mirror past the buildings, The sky’s getting light Another piece of my innocence Is the admission I paid there tonight Though it makes me sick, and I imagine her saying “You’re better than this…”

///

Nine minutes after midnight and your phone nearly vibrates right off the kitchen counter.

He’s got his own ringtone so you know when it’s safe to answer. The rational part of your brain says, ‘Damn girl just block his number. Have some mercy on the boy. Let him move on. Force him to move on.’ Only one problem with that…you’re weak for him too.

It doesn’t matter tonight though. Alec is in San Diego and the only person you’re cleaning up after is yourself.

“Hey…” It’s all you can think of to say. Maybe you should applaud him for the whole month he took this time in between calls. Maybe you would, if it hadn’t been excruciating. If your stomach wasn’t doing swimmer’s backflips over having him reach out for you again.

“I miss you.” You know immediately that he’s wasted out of his mind. ‘Isn’t he always?’ Your mind echos back. It’s an unfair statement, because he’s only 20 and he’s on tour and why would he call you sober. But lately it’s a little too true.

“I miss you too, baby boy…” God, you wish the words were a lie, dripping from your lips only for his sake. But they’re not. There’s a rusty metal ache in your skin that’s almost too much at times. Like a hangover no pill will fix. “Yeah?” Doubt is strung up in his voice like christmas lights. It’s been so long, he doesn’t believe you. Not anymore. It’s like a knife slashed across your ribs to hear him hurt, knowing you’re the reason why. “What do you miss?”

Your teeth tug at your lip. You should not be having this conversation. You should not be lighting that flame in his heart again. But fuck, it’s such a relief to confess the words to someone. Anyone. Even if it’s just him.

“I miss…waking up at four am to you playing piano.” That morning comes back to you with stunning clarity. He’d tried so hard to be quiet, but his inspiration had been a hungry mistress, sinking her teeth too deeply into that beautiful skin to be ignored. You’d never been able to find any anger or annoyance in your heart over it though, despite the sleep lost.

///

You thought Alec’s snoring was annoying. But apparently, Shawn just doesn’t sleep at all.

It’s a little worrisome. Friday night, the non-profit you work for had hosted a charity Gala. Not only had Shawn played at the event, but the next day he’d shown up at the high-profile, private meet and greet that had been offered as an incentive for ‘diamond tier’ donors, (so they could bring their rich little brats to ooh and ahh over him as well). And later that evening he’s scheduled to play Allstate Stadium. He needs to rest. But for the second night in a row, you’re waking up to piano notes being plucked from the stars while Chicago still sleeps.

You barely know him. Only met him at the Gala. But you don’t know how to cut him loose and your husband is in Houston; won’t be home until Monday night.

You’re madly in love with Alec. Never would’ve married him if it weren’t true (not that the money hurts…). Loyalty has never been a question in the past. Just the thought of another man touching you has always turned your stomach. But…Shawn needs you. And maybe you need him too. Not because anything has been missing. But because your light refuses to turn away from his. It’s instinctual. Something beyond choice or reason.

Leaning in the corridor entryway, you watch his body shift along to the music he’s creating. His strong shoulders beat out a rhythm in lieu of drums. He’s singing so softly and you can tell it’s tearing him apart just a little. To try and keep the beast of raw creativity that beats inside him on a leash.

And I won’t be a product of my genre My mind will always be stronger than my songs are Never believe the bullshit that fake guys feed to ya Always read the stories that you hear on Wikipedia And musically I’m demonstrating When I perform live, feels like I am meditating

Wandering across the living room, you can’t help the smile tugging at your mouth. He’s so fucking beautiful. And it’s not his pale, milky skin. Or his adorable curls. Or even those sexy brown eyes. It’s not his tight abs or his thick arms or his strong back. It’s the light that pours out of him, like a cup running over. The passion for music and life rattling through him like a wooden-track roller coaster. The raw, unbroken way he still looks at the world and smiles. Still feels hope. Still wants more. You’re not sure when you lost that light…but at twenty-six years old, you’re already terrified it might never come back. Maybe it’s that fear that makes it feel as if…walking away from him would be the end of you. Because this is the most alive you’ve felt in years.

You watch him and you wonder, ‘is this how Hades felt when he first saw Persephone…?’

Arms sliding over his shoulders and around his neck, you lean to kiss along his jaw and cheek. Grin when you feel his own smile, almost too wide for his pretty face, matching yours. Despite his happiness at your touch, you feel his muscles tense. He’s so used to being told who to be. Where to stand. What words to say. Which camera to smile into. He’s already bracing himself for the inevitable. Already waiting for you to tell him to keep it down. To go back to sleep.

“Sing it louder, baby.” You whisper into his ear, still smiling hard as your arm stays draped across his chest. “We own the whole floor. Ain’t nobody gunna hear you but me.” You rarely let anyone hear your Kentucky accent. No one is supposed to know your tragic backstory. Not here in the city. Least of all, what’s sure to be a weekend fling with some teen heartthrob superstar you’ll never see again. But you can’t seem to help it. Around him, the refined lady you’ve worked so hard to become slides instinctively back into the Harlan County wildflower you grew up as.

His smile grows until his eyes nearly disappear and the boy leans to steal a soft kiss.

“You sure? S’four in the morning.” His chuckle is low in his chest as he nuzzles at your soft skin. Like a puppy reassuring himself is pack is still there. “Don’t wanna annoy you ‘n get kicked out.”

Shaking your head slowly, your hands gently tip his head back. Dust a kiss to his nose, then in between his eyes. Something about the way he relaxes so completely in your arms, his features euphorically neutral as if he’s just spent a day at the spa, making you feel as if you hung the damn sun in the sky.

“Wanna hear you fuck that shit up.” You flash him a wide smile that he returns without hesitation. Scritching at his hair playfully, you head to the kitchen. He’s been in your line of vision for nearly 48 hours and you’ve hardly seen him eat a thing. But not here, not on your watch. “I’ll make you some breakfast.”

I’m still the same as a year ago But more people hear me though According to the myspace and youtube videos I’m always doing shows, if I’m not I’m in the studio Truly broke, never growing up call me Ruffio Melody music maker Reading all the papers They say I’m up and coming like I’m fucking in an elevator ‘Cause you need me, man, I don’t need you

The Ed Sheeran song sounds good like this. Slowed down and smokey wrapped up in his tired voice. The lyrics are cocky but his passion is too damn infectious, his talent too explosive, for it to come off as anything other than fun (besides, you think to yourself, what’s wrong with a little confidence if you can walk your talk?). Brewing a strong pot of coffee to share, you’d made a whole pan of scrambled eggs with bacon. Watched him play until the sun was peeking out over Chicago’s skyline to greet you. Then cuddled on the couch as you fed him. Until his fatigue finally started winning rounds. He’d fallen asleep on top of you, his ribs on your stomach as your hand caressed up and down along his spine. Humming softly in his ear, your eyes drifted back to the piano.

You’d never cared about that stupid grand, had been annoyed at Alec just for buying the overpriced centerpiece to your penthouse living room when neither of knew how to play. It had sat there, doing nothing but collecting dust and looking pretentious. Until it came to life under Shawn’s fingers. Just like you… ///

“Hmm…wrote a good song on that beauty.” You can’t help but smile at the sound of his own smirk. Every atom in your body had screamed at you not to listen when his new album had dropped. But you had anyway. And your heart had slammed into your chest when you’d heard the chords he’d composed hidden behind your walls first.

“Yeah, you did… proud’a you, you know.”

A long pause follows and you think you hear him swallow. Maybe he doesn’t know…

“Say it again?”

Eyes falling closed, a quiver shakes your bottom lip as you fight the tears. God, he sounds so broken. Over the past year, you’ve spent…maybe nineteen or twenty days together in total. Every time you tell yourself it’s the last time. But then he calls… and you love Alec so fucking much… but…

“I’m so fucking proud of you, baby. I mean it. There’s too much damn talent burnin’ through you. Watching you perform is like… watching a meteor shower.”

Quiet again. But this time the background clinking of glass on glass seems to suggest he’s doing his best to fight off the creeping edges of sobriety. You can just picture him in the dark of his hotel suite, curtains drawn so he can see the city lights. Still wearing whatever he went out in after his show. Hands shaking as he pours himself another round from the mini bar.

“If you went out onto the roof right now…could you see the stars?” Lord, he’s so drunk. He grew up near enough to a city. He should remember damn well you can’t see the stars uptown.

Leaning over a bit to scratch your leg, you chew at your lip. You know where he’s going with this. You’re still pathetic enough to want to fall down the rabbit hole.

“Probably not. City’s the same as it ever was…”

“Oh…yeah.” Disappointment drags his voice down into the gutter. “Would you go out anyway? We could just… be under the same sky?”

You’re not sure that’s how it works. According to the pictures on Instagram, he’s in Miami. You’re in the Midwest. Technically, you’d be staring out at two different expanses of space. But you’d do anything for him. And the lie sounds so sweet.

“Course, baby. Always.” Standing, you move to grab a sweater and some shoes. Then cross the room to the penthouse elevator that leads to the roof. That’s yours as well and you’d been in charge of its renovation when Alec bought the place. A small garden sits up there, along with a modest pool and stone fire pit. The accent features play host to the ghosts you try not to look in the eye. But walking outside invites them in like a séance.

///

Your hand is in his dragging him up the stairs. Sure you could take the penthouse elevator, but racing down the hall and then up the maintenance stairwell is more fun. The door bursts open and the wind blows you around a bit, your own inertia sending you both spinning until you nearly fall over.

“And this! Is my pride ‘n joy. I designed all this. The garden ‘n the pool. Firepit.” He stands behind you, arms around your shoulders, kissing your cheek as you point out each feature. In the distance, Lake Michigan glints under a breathlessly breezy summer day.

You had planned out the roof carefully. Each feature exists in its own space and yet in harmony with the others. You enjoy showing the place off. All your friends have sexy, sleek uptown apartments. None of them have anything this unique. This tangible and sensory driven. Every new set of eyes laid on the place always mindlessly ‘ooh’s and ‘ahh’s over the space. If they’re feeling extra obnoxious, they might throw out a few technical design terms they picked up from HGTV. You expect Shawn to do the same.

But somehow, he sees the puzzle. Puts the pieces together quicker than anyone else.

“Earth, water, fire… I guess Lake Michigan takes care of the wind.”

“Clever boy.” Impressed, you match his smile and slowly nod. Absently, your fingers toy with his much longer ones and your head rests back against his chest as both of you take in the city. “I guess those things have always felt the most real to me. The five elements.”

“Five?”

“Mm,” You tug on your lip, trying to remember how elegantly your grandmother had explained it. “Element of spirit. None of it means anything if it’s not alive. It’s the energy we borrow from the universe that allows any of the elements to connect. To borrow from one another. Feed one another. Find one another. Love one another.”

“So…up here….you’re the spirit element?”

Your head quirks and you turn in his arms. Quiet surprise hangs in the air between you for a long string of moments…before your arms finally curl around him. Tilting your head back, you scritch your nails lightly, affectionately across his back. A smile slowly pulls at your lips.

“How’d you figure that out, pretty boy?” It’s overwhelming enough that he’s so beautiful. So full of life. Bursting at the seams with talent and passion. Confusingly good. And so disarmingly vulnerable. The fact that he also understands you effortlessly is near impossible to wrap your head around.

A shrug falls from his broad shoulders and he nuzzles at your nose. He has the best view in Chicago to feast on, but his focus is locked on you. Fingertips brushing down your cheek, they slide up into your hair. In an attempt to curb the game of twister Chicago’s wind is playing with it, his fingers curl around the long strands gently, then fist just enough to clasp it all in place. You’re forced to stand closer to him as a side effect, but you’ve suffered far worse.

“That’s so beautiful. That you refuse to let the city take that away from you.” It’s the first time anyone has seen through your ‘perfectly manicured uptown midwestern wife’ charade. The first time anyone’s suspected that maybe there’s still some part of you bucking against the saddle. Alec has always taken care of you. But Shawn is in your blood, undressing your soul instead of just your body.

Reaching up to grip his neck, you pull him down into a warm, deep kiss. Push open his hoodie and rest your body against his. How the hell he’d sorted the secret language of you was still a mystery. But that was the moment you knew you loved him.

///

“You know I’m gunna be in Chicago next week…” “Are you?” The sirens go off in your brain as you lean against the cement edge of your rooftop. ‘Absolutely not. You need to leave him alone.’ This isn’t even about staying loyal to Alec. Shawn deserves everything you can’t give him. Deserves a girl his own age. Someone who is available to anoint him in love every minute of every day like it’s holy oil and she’s his priestess. Keeping him stitched into your bone marrow is thievery. You’re stealing time he should be spending happy, with some pretty young thing as full to bursting with energy as he is.

“You still in the city?” “Yes, love. I’m right here, hmm? Same place you left me.” You feel like an undergrad at Northwestern all over again, listening to your drunk friends ramble in nonsensical circles as they stumble back towards sobriety.

“Didn’t leave you…” He’s pouting like a puppy, but your voice stays even and gentle. Patient as ever. Maybe the one advantage your age gives you with him is maturity. What might stir up a fight with a hormonal teenager, is just another chance to soothe him for you.

“You know that’s not what I meant, sweet boy. I know you’d never leave me. Not… not really.” What the fuck is wrong with you? How long is it going to be until this story shows up in the headlines. Before everyone else sees just how sick and cruel and pathetic you really are.

“I wanna see you. Tell me I can see you.” You hear a sliding glass door open and wind hits the receiver in small gusts. He’s always been a sucker for a balcony. You’re fairly certain he can’t see the stars either, but you’re almost certain you hear ocean waves in the distance.

“Baby…” One little word. You don’t mean for it to sound so loaded.

“You don’t want to? …Say it out loud then. Tell me you don’t want to see me and I’ll leave you alone.” There goes that pride again, trying to eat him whole from the inside out. He’s the sweetest boy in the world. But every now and then, when he’s stressed and lonely and drunk, his insecurities swim in his blood like piranhas.

Slowly, you drag in a breath. He can’t possibly understand all the ways this is wrong. On fire with his own youth, he knows nothing but chasing desire. Burning regret to the ground as if feeling alive is his only religion.

“S’nothing to do with want, baby. Always want you.”

It takes a few moments of silence but he finally circles back. The edge has left his voice (he’s never known how to be an asshole for more than 10 seconds at a time) but he’s still stubborn as always.

“I know it’s not Alec. I know you don’t love him more.”

“But I do love him.”

“Not enough to quit me.”

His words are a slap to the face and sting just the same. Swallowing, you fight all the instincts you learned from your mother. Lashing out (Oh, grow up and make your own mind up then. You’re twenty not five). Deflecting (you’re the one who called me). Jabbing at weak spots he was vulnerable enough only with you to show (aren’t there a million other girls who’d come clean you up right now? Or boys?). As guilty as the age difference makes you feel… you’re thankful you didn’t meet him when you were twenty. What a disgustingly toxic mess that would’ve been.

Dragging in a deep breath, you rub at your temple. Remind yourself he doesn’t mean it as harsh as it sounds. That he’s just hurt and wasted and trying to prove a point.

“You gunna hold it against me that I’m weak for you too?” You hope he can hear the slight pout in your sad, soft voice. He must, because you can feel the sobriety sweep over him for a moment. Like heavy rain sweeping down into a valley.

“Then what the hell is it Holland?” The sigh falls off his lips more tired, more defeated than angry.

Sometimes, if you drink a little too much wine and think about it a little too long, this shit with him still breaks you down into tears. Sometimes you don’t know why. Your own husband has a whole decade on you. So why is Shawn’s seven years younger always giving you so much grief?

“I have no right to love you…”

“…I don’t understand what that means. Please don’t be self-righteous right now. You don’t… you don’t understand how hard this is without you. You have no idea how fucking… messed up I feel all the time.”

But you do. It’s how you two met.

///

Each long evening gown that walks into the charity gala sparkles like a disco ball. The kitchen is buzzing with the refilling of trays and the fizzing of champagne. The donations are pouring in so fast, the attendants can hardly keep up with receipts. And, as usual, you are the spinning wheel of fortunes at the center keeping it all perfectly on track. St. Christopher’s is the largest non-profit foundation in the Midwest. Over the past six years, you’ve diligently worked your way up from undergrad intern to the Publicity Chair’s Executive Assistant. It doesn’t sound exciting but in the heart of a city as busy as yours, you’re essentially party planning for the elite. And honestly…it’s everything you ever wanted. Hell, this whole pop star performing at the Gala thing was your idea. Browsing the Allstate Arena’s schedule last year had led you to Shawn Mendes. Not for any particular reason other than the dates matched up nicely. He’d be in town for a show anyway and likely had the star power to generate enough interest. So you reached out.

Well, not to Shawn personally. Just his PR manager. But still, he’d agreed happily to stop by and you couldn’t be happier with how well he was working the crowd now. Taking pictures, signing autographs, navigating overpersonal questions with an impressively charming diplomacy. If he wasn’t already wildly successful at music, you’d have offered him a job on your team.

Dinner is served right on time, but neither you nor the night’s golden boy get to sit down or eat. You’re checking that dessert is being plated up in the kitchen and that trash is being rotated out fast enough. He’s up on stage, performing a few of his latest hits with his band. You’ve never heard his music before. Pop kind of isn’t your thing. The bluesy rock/folk you listen to is perhaps one of the last remaining hints that could give away your true roots as the granddaughter of a Kentucky coal miner.

Aren’t you shocked when you march out of the kitchen, only to find him spilling his guts up on stage. A guitar crying in his hands, a microphone his voice is all but making love to. No pop in sight. Your steps slow to a dead stop. The guitar in his hands bleeds out a euphoric set of chords that break open your ribs and pool in your chest.

Nothing physically has changed. He’s still the same, tall dark and handsome kid that walked in two hours ago. No, the change is all you. You’ve woken up. You can see his cracks and all the light pouring out of them. As if he’s holding a nursery of stars inside his chest and their fire is barely contained.

The powerhouse performance disarms your heart, shatters it into a million little pieces. But looking around, you can see… it’s not going over quite so well on the rich upper class of Chicago. This just isn’t their style. Most of them really only came for the signed photos they plan on giving to their spoiled ass children. And he’s used to working a crowd of teenage girls who hang on his every word. You can see his confidence faltering a bit. Hear his voice backing off from attempting to hit the harder notes. By the time the two-song set ends, he barely gets out a slightly shaky ‘thank you’ to respectful applause before he’s nearly bolted off the stage.

Maybe it’s a dumb idea to walk backstage right now. To check the kitchen and then the green room and then the men’s bathroom. You’re not meant to chase the deer once it runs from the headlights. And this isn’t just a party. You’re at work.

The excuses go on and on in your head. Rationalizing. Criticizing. But your steps continue down the hotel hallway once they’ve cleared the grand ballroom. There’s only so many rooms he could’ve ducked into and most of them are locked, with signs reading ‘employees only’. Your golden, satin ballgown billows behind you as you chase his trail. You couldn’t possibly have lost him. What’d he do? Book a room upstairs and check-in before you’d even gone searching?

Finally, you reach the entrance to the hotel pool. The gym. He’s not in any of those and this is where the hallway ends…What the hell? Head foggy with confusion and stomach turning with worry, you slowly circle back. You checked every single open door, didn’t you?

Suddenly, your adrenaline sharpened focus snags on a door you hadn’t noticed before. The family bathroom closer to the lobby. It’s nearly 10pm. No one will need to use this right now. You gotta hand it to him. Kid’s a genius.

You find him sitting on the floor, shaking and sweating. Flushed and barely breathing. The sight of you seems to only make it worse and for a moment he tries hard to scramble up on his feet.

“I’m…I’m sorry, I’ll…I’ll be right…right out…” God, he must think you’re here to drag him back. Seeing how unsteady his long legs are, you reach out and grip his arms.

“Hey…” Voice soft, you fight hard to regain your balance in your heels as his weight leans into you. Left without a choice, you slowly help him back to the floor. But this time, you ensure he’s sitting against the wall.

You suffered terrible bouts of anxiety before Alec. Therapy had never worked. The pills made you feel like a walking corpse. Your husband is the only thing that had truly gotten you through. It’s one of the things any marine learns. How to deal with stress at the most inconvenient times. How to pull someone out of their own head in seconds flat. Watching Shawn break down like this, it’s like holding yourself seven years ago and all you can think is that you want to be his Alec. Biting back tears, you fight to be strong for him as you pull one shaking, pale hand up to face your own.

“Can you name your fingers as I touch them?” His eyes fall from yours, the adam’s apple in his throat bobbing as he swallows hard. He doesn’t know you. Not really. And you can see it in his eyes. The same doubt there was any hope you could truly handle this that you’d always felt. He’s honestly just hoping you’ll hurry up and get frustrated sooner rather than later. To just leave already so he can pick up these pieces on his own and not under the watchful eye of an older woman whose job is counting on him getting his shit back together. Very gently tipping his chin up so his eyes are forced back to yours, you touch your thumb to his own. “You know that, hmm? What’s the name of that finger?”

Your voice stays soft. Even and cool. Encouraging. The same river-bed voice your grandmother had used to comfort you before she’d died. Before you’d been left to fend for yourself against a manic-depressive, Oxy dependent mother. In all honesty, you’re a bit surprised. It’s been so long since your grandmother died and you had no idea you’d picked up the ability before now.

Slowly getting the breath back in his lungs, Shawn’s eyes find your hand and his. Seems to realize for the first time that he’s touching you.

“…Thumb…”

A smile tugs at your mouth and you cup his cheek.

“Good. That’s so good.” Your pointer fingertip touches his own. “And this one?”

“P-pointer…” You nod and he follows each careful touch with a soft murmur. “Ring …index …p-pinky.”

Finding yourself proud of the boy, you flash him a smile. Lean to brush a kiss to his sweating temple. You can’t help but notice that his pupils, blown out a moment earlier, seem to be shrinking again. A good sign that he’s calming.

“That’s really good, love.” Shifting to sit down properly, you twine your fingers through his, hoping to give him an anchor. “Can you tell me the color of my dress?”

He glances over. Swallows again. This one takes a little longer as his eyes trace the lines of the dress. He’s not stuck on the color. You can tell. He’s just trying to swim through a head flooded with adrenaline.

“Gold?”

“Mmhmm.” Squeezing his hand, you nod. “Close your eyes, sweetheart. Count three things you can hear.”

Resting his head back against the cool tile, he does as he’s told. Squeezes your hand after a moment to make sure you’re still there. Then finally focuses.

“H-hum of the AC…running water in the next bathroom…Phil Collins.” You both laugh softly at that. He’s not wrong. The hotel’s lobby loudspeaker system seems to reach even in here and you notice the song too now he’s said it.

Resting your own head back against the tile as well, you sing along softly under your breath. It’s not long before he’s doing the same, the distraction seeming to help.

You can tell from the lines on her face You can see that she’s been there Probably been moved on from every place Cause she didn’t fit in there Oh, think twice, 'cause another day For you and me in paradise

Turning to glance at him, you realize then there’s no getting him back into that ballroom. And honestly, you wouldn’t even want to. A switch in you has flipped. Work can wait. The influential elite of the city you’re trying to conquer can go fuck themselves. Nothing matters more to you right now than looking after him. You couldn’t explain where the all-consuming black hole came from. Or how it suddenly ripped open inside of you. It’s just there, undeniable and inescapable.

“Do you have anywhere you need to be, love?”

He shakes his head. Yawns and scoots closer. Suddenly, you wish he wasn’t so much bigger than yourself. Wish he was just the scared four-year old he looks like right now and you could scoop him up and wrap him in a blanket.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” You realize how it sounds the moment it jumps out of your lips. You’re sure a hundred girls must proposition him every day. Scared to freak him out further, you squeeze his hand and slowly help tug him up. “Just…you know, some food. A guest bed. Maybe just a few hours away from being ‘Shawn Mendes’?”

He gets through an eager nod and you help him over to the sink.

“Mmk, why don’t you wash some cold water over your face, love? I’ll grab my things ‘n meet you in the back lot.”

It’s only as you’re turning to go that he works up any words.

“Holland? I…Thank you…” Leaning against the sink, his sweaty curls fall into his eyes. Slowly, he’s starting to look less like a lost child and more like himself again.

“You’re welcome, honey.” Your smile is soft, but full of warmth. You know exactly what he just went through. And to know you helped him pull out of that collapsing star makes you feel like the hero in a fairytale. The storybook princess who just saved the prince. “I’ll be right back for you.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

///

“I know, baby…I know that…” Swallowing, you push away from the cement barrier of the rooftop. Rub at your forehead a bit as your manicured feet pace tiredly across the cement floor. “I’m sorry. I never meant to be vague or cryptic. I just meant…I can’t leave him for you. I can’t be what you need. I’m not good for you.”

“That’s not up to you.” He insists stubbornly.

“But it is. I’m seven years older than you, Shawn. It’s on me to make that call.”

“That is such bullshit, and you know it. I’ve been fucking…forced to grow up way faster than anyone else I know from the moment I stepped into Hollywood. I’ve been making more money than my parents since I was sixteen. I’ve been on tour since I was seventeen. And I haven’t stopped. I always fucking show up. Even when I feel like I’m walking around in a fucking corpse. I always do what has to be done. I always will. Do not tell me I don’t understand what I’m saying. My body is twenty years old. I’m not.”

Silence follows as his words sink like stones in the river of your bloodstream. You can’t argue with him there. It’s not fair for him to be forced into the responsibilities of an adult, only then to be treated like a child.

And the truth is… either way, you haven’t quite figured out how to truly deny him anyway.

“Text me the details of where you’ll be staying when you get here, yeah? I’ll…sort an excuse.”

“Well, you better pack a pretty big bag. ‘Cause once I have you, I’m not letting you go again.”

Shaking your head a how drunk he is, you laugh softly.

“Baby, please get some sleep, hmm? For me?”

“Mm mm. Stay on the phooone.”

God damnit. That pouty little baby voice is always so unfair. Sighing heavily, you consider threatening him playfully. Teasing that you’ll fly with Alec to New York next week if he doesn’t take care of himself. But that means you’d actually have to hang up.

“If I stay on the phone, you have to drink some water. And lay down. Promise?”

“…You’re really gunna let me see you next week?”

“Course, honey. Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

Yawning deeply, you can all but hear him nod as his voice finally gives in to his body’s exhaustion. The wind interference clears as he heads back into his suite. A sigh of relief loosens from your chest. You’re never crazy about him being outside and up that high when he’s so drunk.

“Mmk…water ‘n down.”

“Good, baby. That’s good… I love you, hmm?” Switching on your rooftop firepit, you slouch down into the armchair that gives you the best view of Lake Michigan in the moonlight. You’ll stay up as long he needs you to. Even if that’s sunrise.

“I love you too, Holls… only you.”

#shawn mendes army #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes imagine #imagine shawn mendes #shawn mendes #my writing.#my graphics.#c: holland bryant #story: city and ghost

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