#haven’t truly fantasized like this in SO LONG

[themidnightcrimson]

tarot ࿏ wm

summary: in which you visit a psychic for a tarot card reading and find that her tricks seem too real.

words: 4.9K

warnings: dark!wanda, fem!reader, non-con/dubcon, tummy riding, scissoring, dildo (r receiving), size kink, use of magic for mind manipulation, dumbification, degradation

this post is a dark!fic and is for 18+ only. minors dni.

masterlist.

The loose rocks of the pavement scuffed under your heel as you mindlessly kicked them with your shoe, taking a long, slow drag from the cigarette. It was cold that night, and the smoke that you exhaled through your lips was dense with the fog from your warm breath.

Nat reached forward and took the cigarette that you were sharing from your fingers. “It’s been months, y/n.” Her leather jacket squeaked as she curled her arm to bring the cigarette to her lips. The air was damp and the music from the bar muffled as Nat leaned against her truck. “I don’t mean to be that friend who just tells you to just get over it and move on, but just get over it and move on.”

Rolling your eyes, you shoved your numb fingers into the pockets of your coat. “I have moved on.”

Nat squinted at you as she turned the cigarette back to you, and you took it, breathing in the smoke she exhaled. “You fled the bar as soon as you saw her across the room.”

You glanced around, hoping that your ex was still inside and nowhere near you. It had been two months since the nasty and dramatic breakup between you and the woman you had been with for over three years. It was sudden and unexpected, and she really gave you no other reason for it besides “I think we should see other people.” You knew that meant she had been or planned to cheat on you, which just made the entire ordeal even more sickening.

“Is it so bad that I don’t want to be around the person who dumped me after three years together? I mean, c’mon, maybe two months is a long time for you but on the time scale of relationships, it’s still very fresh to me.”

“Aha! So you haven’t moved on, like I said,” Nat countered, taking the cigarette right as you were about to take a second draw.

“No, I—I have moved on. I mean, I don’t care about her anymore. It’s not like I still love her. It just hurts seeing her.” You tried to explain it the best you could. You truly did not love her anymore and would never even fantasize or contemplate getting back with her after how crudely she had left you, but seeing her reminded you of all the hurtful words she had said and how she had betrayed your trust so cruelly. It was a reminder that you were heartbroken.

Nat only nodded, looking down at the pavement and crossing her legs. There were a few beats of silence as you stared up at the full moon and she stared at the side of your face. “You know, I would say you should try therapy, but why waste a thousand dollars when you could get a psychic reading for 20 bucks.”

“Huh?” You turned to look at her incredulously. “Why would I do that?”

Nat shrugged and handed you the cigarette. “Maybe to give you some clarity, or the closure that she never gave you. You know I don’t believe in all that holistic spiritual shit, but I do think something like a tarot card reading could help you move forward, even if it’s just by placebo effect.”

“How?”

She shrugged. “I mean, they tell you what you want to hear. It’s fake, you know. They figure out what you’re in there for and they tell you everything they can so that you leave with a smile on your face and their pockets full. Nonetheless, it’s some pretty good bullshit they spew. Better than anything I could tell you, with how shit I am at words.” She kicked at the rocks and chuckled. “It’s either that or going to church.”

You raised your eyebrows and laughed. “Church makes a psychic reading sound like heaven.”

“There’s one in town, you know?” she added, turning and pointing West. “Down at the end of Ellis Avenue.”

“Ellis Avenue?” you echoed. In all the years of your life you had lived in that small town, you’d never heard of that street. “What’s down there?”

“A shit load of nothing. It’s where the town turns into all woods. But I know there’s a tiny psychic shop down there. It’s got a purple sign that says 20 dollars for a tarot card reading.”

“Tarot cards,” you laughed. “Why have I never heard of it?”

“It used to be owned by some lady named Agatha, but there’s a new woman there now that took her place. Wendy, I think she’s called. Wait, no—Wanda! That’s it.”

“Wanda,” you sounded out the name, and you noticed how the wind picked up and caught the word from your lips, whistling it into the air eerily. “That’s a fitting name for a psychic.”

Nat flicked the cigarette to the ground and stomped it out with her boot, rocks crackling under her heel. “You should go tonight. I’m sure it stays open pretty late.”

You glanced back to the bar, knowing that your ex was somewhere still inside. You certainly weren’t going back in there, and Natasha didn’t seem like she was willing to go home yet, so your only other options were to either go home and sleep or go test out this psychic.

“Fine,” you finally said, digging your car keys out of your pockets. “I’ll go check it out.”

Nat hesitated suddenly. “Well, actually it’s a little late. Maybe we can go tomorrow, and I’ll go with you.”

You were already walking to your car. “I’m not getting any sleep tonight after seeing her, anyway. I might as well just go.”

Nat looked around and scratched her head. “Well, just be safe. There really is nothing on that end of town, and I have no idea who this woman is. Keep your phone on you and text me when you get there and when you leave.”

“Okay, mother,” you joked, to which she grinned. You waved her goodbye and got in your car, watching as Nat walked back into the bar.

“Ellis Avenue,” you whispered as you typed the words into the map app on your phone. Nothing came up. “Huh?” You deleted it and typed it again, but still nothing showed. Did Nat get the name wrong?

You glanced out your window in the direction that Nat had pointed. She said it was on the far West end of town, where the woods started. You supposed you could just drive around until you found it—the town was too incredibly small for you to not find it. You imagined that you were so used to the town that you never looked hard enough to notice new things, and that’s why you had never seen the shop before.

Buckling up, you pulled out of the bar and onto the road. You drove West across town, taking a few turns that you knew would lead you to the woods. After a while of seeing nothing, you thought maybe Nat was pranking you, but finally, you saw a dingy street sign that read Ellis Avenue and a tiny little shop with a purple sign that read $20 for tarot card reading above a hand with an eye in the palm.

There were no cars in the parking lot. The place barely looked open if it weren’t for the blinking purple sign. You paused, wondering if this was really safe. It was late at night, and this shop was way out of town, alone and isolated on a road where there were no other shops or houses.

It seemed intriguing, though. As you stopped in the middle of the road and stared at the shop, you felt something pulling you towards it. Maybe it was the universe telling you that this was going to be good for you, that whatever this psychic could tell you would be the key to unlocking your grief and moving forward with your life. Whether it was placebo or not, maybe this would help you be in the same room as your ex without freaking out and fleeing.

Trusting what you believed to be your intuition, you cut your wheel and turned into the gravel driveway, your headlights reflecting off the dark tinted front windows. Shutting off your car, you walked up the crickety front steps to the door. You paused, feeling almost as if you should knock before entering. Considering that it was a public shop, you just helped yourself inside, gently opening the door to be met with the intensely strong smell of incense.

A cough scratched at your throat as you stepped inside and closed the door. The air was smoky from an incense stick burning in the corner and from probably two dozen candles burning all around the room. Your eyebrows sewed together as you looked around curiously.

Everywhere you looked were little trinkets and whatnots—crystals of varying sizes and shapes and colors, tiny bottles of strange colored liquids, little jars filled with herbs and flowers and sealed shut with melted wax, bundles of sage and other herbs and leaves, and other little things that you could not recognize. Whoever this psychic was, she truly put on the act and made her shop part of the show. It would be impossible for someone to walk in and not feel like they were being handled by someone who knew what they were doing in the realm of spirituality.

You jumped when you heard a shifting sound, your eyes flickering to a curtain of beads that separated this room and another. Through the curtain that was parted by a ringed hand came a woman, a young woman with long brown curls and smokey green eyes.

“Hello,” she greeted you with a low, accented voice. “How may I be of service to you tonight?” Her voice was pleasant but careful, and her narrowed eyes looked you up and down as if she were suspicious of you.

“Hi,” you squeaked, knowing how silly you probably looked standing in her room of witchy tools. She wore a black dress with a red scarf wrapped around her arms, her fingers fiddling together as she neared you. “Um, are you Wendy—I mean, Wanda?”

An amused look crossed her eyes. “I am. And you’re y/n.”

Your spine jumped out of your skin. How did she know your name? You looked down at yourself, wondering if maybe your wallet was hanging out and showing your ID, but there was no reason she could have known your name. You chalked it up to it just being a small town and everybody knowing everybody. “Yeah.”

“Sit,” she spoke, gesturing to the table sat in the center of the room with candles lining it. You saw a crimson set of tarot cards sitting perfectly on the tabletop. “You’re here for a tarot card reading.” She simply said it rather than asking it.

“I suppose,” you slowly began, feeling your nerves tingling. You tried to remind yourself that psychics were like magicians. They used tricks you were unaware of to make it look like they can read your mind or have supernatural abilities.

You carefully sat down at the circular table, and once you were sitting, she gracefully sat down opposite from you, letting the red scarf slip off her arms and hang over the seat of her chair. The smell of the incense was almost nauseating as you watched her fingers take the tarot cards and begin shuffling them expertly.

The silence was loud as she eyed you while shuffling. You supposed she was pretending to look hard into your mind, so you just stared back at her.

“It must have been hard seeing your ex at the bar,” she said simply as she started to cut the deck into thirds. Her hands were moving so swiftly you couldn’t keep up with them, only seeing a blur of rings and cards.

Your lips parted in shock. “Um… I know you’re a ‘psychic’ or whatever, but how the hell did you know that?”

She didn’t answer you. She laid the cards into three decks in front of you and then withdrew her hands, leaning back in her seat. You noticed then how quiet and solitary the shop was, how intimate with its low lighting and flickering candles and smoke.

“Draw the top card from each pile,” she instructed, a sultry tone in her voice.

You wanted to press her question further, but you reached forward and took the top card from each pile as she said, laying them face-down on the table in front of you. When you were finished, she slid the remaining piles to the side and flipped over the first card to your left. You were confused when you saw that the card was upside down.

“The Chariot,” she read, her eyes blinking thoughtfully. “Reversed. Your future has been carried away from you.”

You tried not to scoff, but she noticed anyway, sharply eyeing you and pursing her lips. She continued anyway, flipping over the second card which was upright.

“Death.”

Your heart started to pound in your chest, your brain already calculating what that card meant. It was eerie, the way it looked, drawn in a smudgy black and white sketch of a body laying dead on the ground and a horseback knight, assumedly the murderer, jumping high over its victim.

“Your relationship ended abruptly, and you find grief a difficult transition.”

You still did not know how she knew you had been through a breakup, but maybe it was an easy guess for a young girl walking into a psychic shop. A part of you, a very gullible part, started to wonder if maybe she really was a psychic.

Finally, she turned over the last card. Chills pierced your spine as you recognized the Satanic image on the card—Baphomet, a horned man, drawn with an unnerving smile over the words The Devil.

“Ah,” she smiled, her lips curling into a pearly smile that caught your eye. She was a beautiful feigned sorceress, that was for sure. “You’ve been tricked.”

Your face scrunched at her words. “Tricked? How?” You were genuinely curious what she meant, even if you were starting to fall for her illusions.

She paused for a thoughtful moment, fiddling with the rings on her fingers as she stared at the card. “She was judgmental, wasn’t she?”

You held your breath, silently urging her to go on.

“She made you feel ashamed of yourself and manipulated you into thinking you were nothing without her. She even made you feel like you were unworthy of her love, though she suffocated you with it before taking it away abruptly. She tricked you into thinking you could not breathe without her, and then she took away your oxygen. And you didn’t even know it was happening, did you, detka?”

She was staring at you now, her misty eyes gazing into your own. A drowsy feeling overtook you, and you couldn’t keep hold of your thoughts. They were rushing past you, plucked just before you could think them, scrambled out of your reach. You didn’t know it was the crimson glow on her fingertips under the table giving you this blank and dazed feeling.

“I…” you trailed, your head starting to pound. “How did you…”

“I am a psychic,” she spoke, and her voice started to sound far away from you, though she was sitting just across the small table. “Says it on the door. You knew it before you came in.”

Tilting your head, you squinted at her, your mouth forming words that your brain would not let your tongue speak. Suddenly, you felt like you had forgotten completely how to speak.

It was then that every candle in the room except for the few on the table were snuffed suddenly by a gushing wind that tickled your hair across your cheek. In the dark, under the glow of the table’s remaining candles, you saw a scarlet light in her eyes.

“You… you’re…”

“I am everything you think I am and more,” she interrupted you. “And you are more than you think.” She leaned forward, bringing her hand out of the table. You watched as she twisted and curled her fingers around in the air, sparkly red magic dancing between them as she scrambled your brain with a tilted head and a curious stare.

Suddenly, flashing memories of your ex passed through your mind. The fights, the arguments, the words you had pushed down and forgotten about under your ex’s manipulative gaslighting.

Wanda spoke, “She made you think the relationship was perfect so you would stay with her for as long as she wanted you, and so that when she didn’t want you anymore, she got to have the upper hand while you suffered. Evil little cunt.”

“That’s not true—”

“I’m seeing it right here, detka.” She twisted her fingers, and the moments were clear in your mind. Your head started to feel fuzzy, your vision dim as you gripped the table, losing all sense of balance like you might fall right out of the chair. “How could someone treat a perfect little kitten like that? Take you for granted so, and leave you out on the road like a discarded dog.”

Now your heart was starting to hurt as much as your head, and before you realized it, you were crying. The smell of incense was burning hard through your nostrils as the witch picked her way through your brain and scrambled the rest. She was surprised at how easy it was to get in your head from the moment you had walked through the front door. She heard your thoughts before she even stepped in the room and looked at you. Now, seeing how easily a non-magical human had broken you down, she gleamed at the thought of how easy it would be for her and her powers to dumb you down even further.

“Stand up.”

Control over your own body was way past you. You moved at her words, standing sharply to your feet. She grinned in satisfaction and stood slowly, walking towards the curtain of beads she had first came through. She didn’t even have to speak or move her fingers for you to follow, floating mindlessly after her through the long strings of beads into the next room.

The back room was small, a sort of bedroom with a crimson velvet bed and a few pieces of furniture. More candles were lit back there, and the smell of incense was even stronger.

“Take off your clothes, detka, and lay down.”

Your body submitted to her voice. Mind far from matter, you peeled your own clothes away until you were bare naked and laid down on the bed, feeling the velvety red sheets on your nude skin.

Wanda sauntered towards the end of the bed, feasting upon your nudity with her darkened orbs. Her hands sinking into the mattress, she crawled on all fours onto the bed and towards you. You couldn’t describe what it was you were feeling. The state of your mind was both entranced and clear, sunk deep into murky waters while also soaring high in the clouds. It felt like static buzzing within and around you, and between blimps of momentary unconsciousness you suddenly saw that Wanda was now straddling you, her short black dress resting high on her thighs. You could feel her bare pussy resting on your lower stomach, her hands gliding across your upper abdomen.

“The most perfect thing to have fallen in my hands,” she whispered, her hands snaking over your tits and squeezing them eagerly. A whine escaped your throat, and she looked surprised to see that you were still present. “Still with me, detka? Let’s have a little fun before you go. I like playing with my new toys right out of the package.”

Her magic infiltrating your conscience was hot and feverish like fire, like bits of ember and ash sizzling away at the mass of your cognizance. It trickled down through your skull like lava and burned the inside of your throat. What piece of you was still there tried to file through which exact moment it was that she caught you—as soon as you walked in? When you inhaled the strong incense? Or was it when you sat at the table? Or when you touched the cards? Was it the very moment when you stopped your car in the middle of the road and stared at the blinking purple sign? Could it possibly be the very moment that you looked up at the full moon outside the bar as Nat told you about this place? Which moment was it that she found her way inside your head and stapled the roots of her magic to your mind?

It felt like you were lucid dreaming as the witch’s hands scoured your body, groping at your tits, squeezing the soft flesh of your waist, tickling over your collarbones and neck. You felt pressure on your lower tummy and saw that she was grinding her bare cunt against you, her wetness sliding easily over your skin.

“Silly puppy,” she taunted with a sharp laugh, her hands fondling your breasts as she undulated her hips against you, skirt catching on your waist. Your skin was growing sweaty under her fingers as her magic coursed through your blood like a venomous infection. “A witch doesn’t reveal her tricks, does she?”

Her eyes fluttered closed as she let out a soft moan, grinding harder on your stomach as she pinched and tugged harshly at your nipples. Your body reacted with a small gasp and a jolt through your muscles, and she smiled.

Lifting up, she backed herself between your legs and then spread them open wide at an angle, casting one leg over yours. Your breathing picked up as she pressed her clit against yours, grinding her cunt into you.

“Fuck, puppy,” she moaned, throwing her head back as dirty squelching noises filled the room. You were wetter than you had realized, and it was evident by the feeling of both yours and Wanda’s juices mixing together. She pushed your hips upward so that she was at a better angle, halfway folding your body as she used your pussy to get herself off. A drop of your mixed wetness started to slide down your tummy, running over the spot that was still wet from when she had grinded herself there.

“You don’t have to worry about a thing, detka,” she grunted, her eyebrows sewing together as the bed started to squeak with her motions. “You just be a good toy and let me use you, and I’ll take care of everything. You won’t have to worry about your ex anymore, or your job, or your friends, or even your life. It’s in my hands now.”

Her feelings of pleasure allowed her focus to slip momentarily, and you took the opportunity to string together words of your own will, still struggling to speak. “P-Please,” you said coarsely, looking at her with pleading eyes. She knew exactly what you meant, because she was inside you with her own mind in yours, and she could feel that coil of pressure in your belly, and you could feel hers, too.

She grinned, grinding her clit harder against yours, reaching up to pinch at your nipples. Your body squirmed, teeth piercing into your own lip as a moan escaped your throat, heavenly pleasure washing over you in an orgasm like a warm ocean wave. Wanda moaned and her hips stuttered as she came, her hand that was holding your leg up squeezing your flesh painfully.

She panted as she came down, and you thought maybe that would satisfy her and she would let you go, but now she was crawling down between your open legs and shoving her face between them.

“Ah!” you whined as her tongue lapped over your throbbing clit, slipping down to push deep inside you and tasting you there. Your body reacted outside of your control, trying to jerk away.

“Be still,” she ordered in a whisper, and your body commanded like a machine, stilling as she continued lapping at your sensitive clit. She suckled and pulled away to spit right on your slit before returning her mouth to you again.

“W-Wanda,” you mouthed, hands squeezing at the sheets as another coil of pressure sprung within your belly. It tightened and tightened as she devoured you, and before you knew it, you were blinded with another orgasm, eyes squeezing shut and mouth falling open as you cried out.

Coming back up, she licked her lips and moaned at your taste, wiping your remnants from her mouth and spreading it over your belly. Your legs were trembling now, clit throbbing painfully, but by the look in her eyes, she was not done.

“You saw all my toys in there,” she spoke as she leaned over you to reach to the nighstand beside the bed, one of her necklaces tickling your nose in a cool metal graze. “But I keep some in here for special pets like you.”

Dumbed down, you didn’t know what she meant until, after hearing her open a drawer and rummage around, she kneeled back down between your legs, holding an uncomfortably large dildo in her hands.

You had the urge to jump off the bed and run away, but her magic had been keeping you pinned to the bed this whole time. You watched with wide eyes as she spit on the dildo and smeared her saliva around it, lowering herself down between your legs again and running the tip of the toy through your folds. Jolts of electricity went through you at the touch on your overstimulated pussy, your voice strings cracking together to sound out a pathetic whine.

“If you’re going to be a good toy, you will take whatever I give you,” she whispered, eyes concentrated on your bright red clit and the way your wet folds moved around the dildo as she teased it through them. “Be a good pet.”

She pushed the tip into your entrance, and for a moment, pleasure coursed through you, but as she pushed it in further and your hole ached to stretch around its girth, you cried out, “T-too b…big.”

“Take it, my dirty slut,” she husked, grabbing your thigh and jerking your legs open wider. Sharp pain filled you as she stuffed your pussy full of the dildo, sinking it all the way inside until the hilt touched your skin, and the tip of it was braced against your cervix. Your mouth fell open at how full you felt, how deep it was, at how much your walls ached and throbbed around it. “That’s it,” she praised, “That’s so good, detka.”

She eased it out, earning a hiss from you, and then forced it back in, doing this slowly until the resistance eased and she started to thrust it harshly into you.

“Look at you, taking the whole thing,” she spoke as she grabbed your knees with her free hand and bent them against your stomach so she could fuck you deeper. Using her magic to keep your knees bent, she placed her free hand on your clit and started to rub it hard.

“No!” you exclaimed, your clit hurting from the contact that it was ultra-sensitive to. You tried to squirm, but you couldn’t, and the dildo was hammering hard into you and poking through the skin of your lower tummy and making your legs turn to jelly. “W-Wanda,” you cried, feeling hot tears run down your cheeks.

She smirked at you, feasting on the sight of you crying and begging her to stop, wanting to squirm away from the overstimulation. She was trying to break you down even more, dwindle and dumb you down into a messy puddle of nothing, and she was doing a great job of that.

Squelching noises filled the air as she pivoted the dildo into your hole at a rough speed with one hand and rubbed hard at your clit with the other, pausing only to spit on your rubbed raw clit before rubbing it again.

“W-w-w…” You tried to speak, but your mind was so scrambled, and you were in so deep under her spell and her cruel administrations to your body that you couldn’t do anything but scream as two orgasms violently crashed over you one right after the other. You didn’t even notice that you squirted upon the second one, shooting the warm liquid right upon the skin of Wanda’s chest where her dress did not cover.

She twisted the dildo inside you as you came, urging more liquid out of you until finally there was no more, and you were on the brink of blacking out. Finally, she pulled the dildo out of you and put it away, putting your legs back down on the bed and climbing off you.

Your core ached and throbbed as more tears slid down your cheeks, your legs violently trembling. Wanda rounded the bed to place a hand over your forehead. Through teary vision, you took one last glimpse of her.

“You will be my best toy,” she whispered, a dimple forming in her cheek as she smiled before whispering, “Sleep.”

#wanda maximoff x reader #dark!wanda #dark!wanda maximoff #dark!fic #marvel #lgbt #lesbian #scarlet witch #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x fem!reader

[mildangzz]

camboy!jungwon

au where your sweet and cute co-worker has a side to him no one knows!!

warnings (?) - profanity, nsfw

>> this is gonna suck so bad because i haven’t written in forever!! sorry

—

“And that concludes today’s meeting, now get out.”

Everyone chuckles as your team leader waves his hand towards the door, everyone standing from their seats and gathering their things to leave. You stay in your spot for a minute or two, looking over the notes you made on your laptop. As secretary of one of the largest companies, it’s crucial that you keep note of absolutely everything that was talked about in meetings, organizing the next one and letting your team leader know when the next meeting was. It was quite taxing work, but it was all worth it since you were paid good. You were able to pay for anything you wanted, not having to worry about anything.

After a few minutes you finally get up and gather your things, turning on your heel quickly when you suddenly bump into someone who was watching over you.

“Ah, I’m so sorr-“ Your breath hitched when you realized who it was. Yang Jungwon. He was an intern at the office, being there for a couple months. He’s only been there for such little time yet nearly everyone was interested in him.

—

The day Jungwon entered the office was like no other: You enter the elevator, greet some co-workers and press the button to head to the floor you worked at. As you were scrolling through your phone, you heard small whispers behind you, barely making out “Really?” “Yes! He’s so hot too!” until the elevator opened. You exited and started heading to the break room for coffee when you see a new figure sitting by the table, legs crossed reading documents with a coffee in hand. You eyed him for a second, gulping when you noticed he was staring at you. He put the papers down and stood up to greet you, a bright smile appearing on his face as he walked up to you. You both introduced yourselves to each other, telling him to ask you for help if he needed any and to not be nervous at all. He let out soft giggles as he nodded, making his way back to his seat. Well, he sure was cute.

—

“Miss Y/N?”

You flinched as you looked up at him, smiling. How long were you lost in your thoughts for you don’t know, but Jungwon was closer to you than you remember. “Ah- Sorry, I dozed off for a second there.” You quickly exited the room and head towards your office, sighing out loud. He watched you as you left, slightly frowning at how sudden you left.

If you were being truly honest, he was just your type: pretty, nice, cute men who didn’t try too hard to be something they were not. After your first encounter with him, you found yourself staring at him during meetings, peeking through the break room window in hopes that he was there so you could talk to him. Well, he might be a permanent employee and you need to get along with your co-workers to be able to get work done, right?

Wrong! What started out as the smallest bit of interest turned into full on desire. You would find yourself fantasizing about him during your lunch break, thinking about how nice it’d feel to dig your nails into those broad shoulders of his, scratching his back as he fucked you like there was no tomorrow, crying out his name for more and more-

*Ring! Ring!*

Refocusing, you whine at the wetness you feel in your panties, your pussy throbbing at whatever you were imagining just now. You grab your phone and answer as you leave the office, finally heading home to “relax.”

—

You throw your bag and shoes on the floor, heading straight to your room when you realize what time it was. You glance at your clock and start up your computer. 11:57pm. Cursing at yourself, you quickly go to your favorite website, exhaling when you see “Stream Starting Soon!” on the screen.

Fantasizing about Jungwon has made you hornier more often than you’d like to admit, needing something more, not just the dildo or vibrator you had shoved in your drawer. So one night, you decided to search up some porn to help relieve yourself at least a little bit when you came upon an… interesting website. You click on the link and see multiple people on live, some being fucked into senseless, others fucking themselves with their toys or massaging their bodies for the camera. It didn’t seem that interesting until you saw the thumbnail for one. His body seemed perfect to you, so you clicked on it to see what he was doing. You ended up watching the entire stream, fingering yourself and cumming a couple times to the random figure on the screen. You pant as you type in the chat That was fucking amazing, sending some money as a thank you. You heard him chuckle and blow a kiss to the mic, that beautiful smile of his showing. “Such a big tip for just jerking myself on cam? What a pathetic whore.” He leaned back into the chair, head leaned back to show his adam’s apple and impecable jawline.

That wasn’t the only time you visited his stream. It became a daily thing — rushing home to log on and wait for the live to start, heart beating quickly as the familiar figure appears on screen, speaking directly to you whenever you sent him a tip.

Today was no different, you being the first to join the stream and sending a tip right away, him smiling once he saw you. “My favorite slut is here already? You’re always the first to join, sending me the biggest tips out of everyone, always thanking me. You’ve got manners, I love well-behaved whores.” You get so so wet at his words, pulling up your skirt as you start rubbing small circles on your clothed pussy, bitting onto your shirt.

He leans towards the camera, whispering into the mic, “What if I showed you just how thankful I am, princess?” He leaned back again, rubbing himself over his joggers as he groans softly. You moan out loud, slipping one finger in as you put your free hand on the keyboard.

> Please fuck me. I’ll do anything you want me to do.

He scoffs, tilting his head to the side. “Anything? You’re so fucking desperate, you know that? Fucking begging for my cock like that, are you not ashamed of yourself? What a whore, letting everyone watching this know how desperate you are.” You whine at his words, inserting another finger as he pulls down his pants, his cock standing erect as pre-cum leaks from the tip. Your mouth waters at the sight, pussy clenching over nothing.

> I don’t care, please just fuck me. I’ll be good, I swear.

He groans slightly, fucking into his hand harder as he pants. “Oh yeah? You want me to fuck into that pretty little cunt of yours? Want me to use you like my personal toy? I’ll fuck you until you can’t form a single thought, until all you can do is moan my name. Pretty little thing like you would fucking love that, yeah?”

You whine and grab your dildo, inserting it into your pussy quickly, slightly bouncing on your chair as you lean towards the screen. “Yes yes yes yes-“ You drool as the sight of him tensing up and moaning to the camera, closing your eyes as you imagine him pushing you over your office desk, ripping your skirt off and sliding his pants and boxers down. Inserting himself into you quickly, not bothering to let you adjust to his size as he rails into you, holding your hips tightly with one hand and the other holding your neck, pushing you deeper into the desk. The whole idea was enough to push you over the edge, cumming over your hand with a loud whine.

You look at the screen just in time to see him cum as well, the white liquid covering his lower-half and his hands. You send him a big tip again, reaching for some napkins to clean yourself up.

“Ah, that felt so good. Thank you for the big tip again, princess.” He sent a flying kiss to the camera, panting as he cleaned himself up quickly.

It’s a bit late at this point, feeling relaxed and exhausted, being unable to think straight. So what did you decide to do? Text Yang Jungwon of course!!

You reach for your phone, opening a message for him and taking a picture of yourself to send to him. He has to be a least a little bit interested in you, right? With the way he touched you, stared at you, smiled at you… There’s nothing wrong in trying, right?

*Ding!*

You look up at the screen, seeing him grab his phone to see what notification he received when he groans. He chuckles and shows the camera a picture he received, making sure to hide your face and anything identifiable. He starts slowly stroking himself again, zooming into the picture. “She can’t be serious, sending me something like that… If she knew how badly I wanted to fucking ruin her, fuck into her ‘til she can’t walk the next day at work, have my cum dripping down her thighs…”

You stayed frozen the entire time, not fully processing that what he showed was your picture. The picture you sent to Yang Jungwon. Your brain short circuits as you see him type on his phone, whining as he puts his phone down.

Just then you get a notification. You check it quickly and see;

> Miss Y/N? Are you sure that was meant for me? Haha… ^^

You take a picture of your screen, making sure to show your username and send it to him.

> You said you’ll fuck into me until I can’t walk at work, no?

Your heartbeat fastens as you watch him pick up the phone again, smirking and facing the camera as he quickly ends the stream.

*Ding!*

> Send me your address. Be there in ten.

#enhypen smut #yang jungwon #jungwon smut #yang jungwon smut #camboy

[xxbimbobunnyxx]

See you again

(Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader x Fem!OC)

Summary: Your girlfriend surprises you with tickets to see your favorite band, Corroded Coffin for your birthday. You and her spent one magical night with the lead singer over a year ago before they made it big. Will he remember you? (He definitely will.)

Warnings: 18+MDNI M/F/F threesome, OC and reader are in an established queer relationship, spit kink, choking, Dom!OC, Switch!Eddie, Sub!reader, nipple play, unprotected sex, G/G, reader is described to be a bit more shy and has a few moments of self doubt, Oral (F & M receiving) and I think that’s it? If I missed any please let me know! WK: 6.2k

A/N: Okay this was based on a request by @melodymunson for a rockstar!eddie threesome, I know you said you wanted them to be besties but I kind of took some liberties and then it just got away from me and I made lore lol. Potentially might write a prequel about their first night together if anyone is interested in that! Also the top right photo is supposed to depict my OC. Reader has no descriptions besides the outfit she is wearing. Feedback is greatly appreciated!🖤 Read the prequel here.

You eagerly waited in the line to the venue to see your favorite band. You have been a fan since they were still pretty underground, only playing in small bars for a few 100 people and haven’t gotten the chance to see them…see him since they got a record deal and made it big. The first time you saw them the lead singer and guitarist had you transfixed. You felt like a creep because you only knew his name since he said it on stage and yet you couldn’t stop thinking about him when you had your hand between your thighs at night. You went to several shows after that, never having the nerve to talk to him but always making lingering eye contact that you couldn’t tell if you were imaging or not.

Eventually you met your girlfriend Chloe at one of their shows and you and her immediately bonded over your mutual crush on the frontman. It didn’t take you long to realize you also had massive crushes on each other and the rest was history. You weren’t like Chloe, you never would have talked to her if she hadn’t approached you first. She was bold and confident and you were more shy and reserved despite the way you dressed insinuating otherwise. So when she told you at the last show you guys had gone to that she was going to just walk up to Eddie and ask him if he wanted to fool around with you guys you felt like you were going to pass out.

“Come on baby, we have talked about and fantasized about this so much. You might not want to believe it but I see the way he looks at us, I don’t think he would turn us down and even if he did that’s the worst that could happen.”

But he didn’t turn you down, his voice squeaked when he answered her and it made you feel a little better knowing he was nervous too. The three of you spent what was one of the best nights of your life together in the back of his van right outside the bar. Afterwards he told you over breakfast at a local diner that they had gotten signed very recently and would be moving out to California in the next week. You congratulated him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek before you parted ways and you haven’t seen him since.

So when Chloe surprised you with the tickets for your birthday, making a whole big thing of it, driving to the city and going shopping for new outfits. You were both equally nervous as you were excited. It’s not like there was even a guarantee he would see you or even recognize you but the possibility had you clenching your thighs thinking back to that night.

You made sure to get there early so when the doors opened you were able to rush to be directly up front against the bar. As people flooded in, you really looked around and realized how big the place truly was.

“This is crazy, I can’t believe how popular they are now. It was only a year ago when we saw them in that tiny bar in town.”

Chloe looked over at you and smiled “I know, it’s like they blew up over night! I’m excited to hear them play some of their new shit live!” She put her hands on your hips and got close to whisper in your ear.

“Plus… I don’t hate the idea of seeing Eddie again…”

You put your arms around her neck and bit your lip, looking into her pretty crystal blue eyes “I know, I don’t either”

You giggled, twisting some strands of her dyed cherry red hair at the back of her neck around your fingers before your face fell. “He probably won’t even see us though, even if he did, who knows if he would even recognize us at this point? I’ve heard his songs on the radio and seen his pictures in magazines. He's probably been with tons of girls since then.”

•

Little did you know Eddie had already noticed you. He was standing off to the side of the stage absentmindedly watching the local band that was opening for them tonight when saw you standing right in front with your girlfriend's arms wrapped around your shoulders. He felt his pants getting tighter just knowing he was in the same room as you. With the venues and crowds getting bigger and bigger he wasn’t sure he would ever see you again. But there you were looking pretty as ever in a tiny little leopard print top and a tight leather skirt with studded belts layered on it and he suddenly felt extremely nervous to go on stage for the first time in a while.

He thought about you as much as you thought about him. He thought about Chloe too, but he thought about you just a tiny bit more. He had seen you at his shows several times, way before he ever saw her. But he was always too nervous to talk to you. You truly intimidated him with your sexy little outfits, the way the black make-up was always perfectly smoked around your eyes making them pop, those glossy lips he wanted so badly to feel on his skin. You always came alone until one day you didn’t, you showed up with this gorgeous girl that was almost as tall as him, with cherry red hair and beautiful blue eyes that sparkled as she looked down at you. When he saw her wrap his arms around you and kiss you he was so disappointed he felt like his heart was going to fall out of his ass.

But then your girlfriend started making eye contact with him when he was on stage, looking him dead in the eyes as you swayed your hips against hers and she placed innocent seeming kisses on your neck when the look in her eyes was anything but. She would wink at him over your shoulder while she grabbed your ass and at that point he knew she was definitely teasing him. Even though he was pretty much positive that was the case, the small chance that it wasn’t was enough to deter him from approaching you in fear of coming off as a creep.

That night when you both walked up to him and pretty much straight up asked him if he wanted to fuck even with all of the crazy new experiences he’s had in the last year that was still the best night of his life. It played on a loop in his mind more often than he’d like to admit so the fact that you were standing there front and center at his show felt like the universe was blessing him and there was no way he was going to pass that up.

•

After the opening band finished there were people all over the stage, switching out instruments and equipment to get ready for CC to come on. The lights lowered and you felt butterflies in your tummy at the prospect of seeing Eddie again. When he came out you felt like you would’ve dropped to the ground if Chloe didn’t have her arms around you. He was always beautiful but now? He was otherworldly. If the fact that he wasn’t wearing a shirt and had added several tattoos to his chest since you saw him last wasn’t enough already he was wearing fucking leather pants that looked like they were painted on his body, a bit of eyeliner smudged around his eyes and his hair was styled to perfection.

As soon as he stood center stage, directly in front of you he made eye contact with you and smiled a big goofy smile at you. You felt like the butterflies in your stomach were going to explode. You looked back at Chloe with a flustered look on your face.

“You saw that.. right?” You gulped.

“Oh yeah, I saw that. I knew he would remember us, how could he forget? Especially you baby, you’re just so pretty.”

She smoothed some of your hair that was out of place and cupped your jaw. You leaned into her hand, she had this way of making you feel all fuzzy and warm with just her words and a simple touch and you felt your nerves calm slightly. It was short lived though, Eddie’s voice came through the speakers and flooded your senses.

“Hey everyone! You ready to fucking rock this bitch?!” As he played the first few chords of the first song everyone cheered, including you. As he played through the first songs of the set you were in absolute awe of him. You felt so proud of him, of all of them, seeing them in this environment. The way he worked the crowd, looking so natural up there, dominating the room with his presence. You couldn’t keep your eyes off him, bouncing between the way his fingers were working the guitar to the way his lips looked when he sang, wet with a mixture of spit and sweat. It made you think about how his hands and mouth felt in other places.

It didn’t help that he couldn’t keep his eyes off you either. He kept making eye contact with you and winking, standing directly in front of you with those fucking leather pants that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. His cock looked so big you literally wanted to pull his pants down right there and suck him off in front of everyone.

“He looks so fucking hot” Chloe whispered in your ear while leaving a few warm wet kisses along your pulse point causing you to subconsciously lean your head back on her shoulder grinding back against her and letting out a little whimper.

“Yeah…” you sighed “He fucking does” you looked back up at him and he was looking directly at you with a lust filled gaze as he sang. Chloe was still kissing your neck and knowing her she was staring back at him with the same intensity.

She was whispering dirty things in your ear while her hands roamed your body, leaving small wet kisses on your cheek and jaw. Eddie was up there, unable to take his eyes off the two of you, thrusting into his guitar and practically making out with the microphone. All through the show they continued their back and forth teasing, with you caught in the middle of it, just trying to stay standing upright at this point.

After the current song ended he bent down to whisper to one of the security guards, you watched him tilt his head towards you, and he sent you a wink before standing back at the center of the stage.

“Alright guys, this is gonna be our last song of the night!! You guys have been so awesome, thank you for coming out!!”

Halfway through the song the security guard Eddie whispered to approached you. “He wants to see you backstage.”

He opened the gate just enough for you both to slip through it. You heard a few girls making jealous comments and throwing insults your way but you genuinely couldn't care less at this moment.

You followed the guard backstage, with Chloe behind you as they finished up their final song. You stood off to the side as he thanked everyone and wished them a good night when he noticed you. He immediately started walking towards you, time felt like it was going in slow motion and your head was spinning the closer he got.

He walked right up to you, placing his hands on your shoulders and beaming at you.

“Hi princess” He pulled you into his arms and enveloped you in everything Eddie. His sweaty bare chest was pressed up against your cheek and he smelled so fucking good. Like sweat, cigarettes, a hint of weed, and a cologne that smells more expensive than the one he wore last time you saw him.

“Hi Eddie” you wrapped your arms around his waist and sighed, slightly muffled by the way your face was shoved into him. Wrapping his arms around your shoulders and locking you close to him, he rests his chin on your head so he can look past you at Chloe.

“Hey pretty boy” you heard her say as you felt her come up behind you and reach past you to run a finger along Eddie’s jaw before cupping it in her hand. “Did you miss us?”

He bit his lip and nodded, but Chloe wasn’t having any of that. She shoved her hand into his hair and pulled hard, causing him to let out a sexy groan that made you have to hold back a whimper of your own.

“Words babe, I wanna hear you say it” The way she was talking to him had you already feeling fuzzy and you knew it wasn’t going to take much for you to be in that fucked out headspace she always puts you in.

“Y-yeah I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you after last time… we didn’t exchange numbers or anything so when I saw you two standing out there I thought I was dreaming again.”

“Again?” She cocked her eyebrow at him “Have you been dreaming of us honey?” She was fully pressed up against your backside now, with Eddie still caging you in from the front.

“Fuck yes I have” He groaned “How could I not?” He tilted his head so he was looking down at you “You’re the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen…”

You looked up at him through your lashes and brought your bottom lip between your teeth, feeling a lot less nervous now that you know he’s been thinking of you.

You got up on your tiptoes so you could whisper directly in his ear.

“We want you Eddie… take us to your dressing room, please?” You flicked your tongue out and licked behind his ear, sucking a little while you rubbed your hands down his chest.

“Fuck. You guys are going to kill me. I’ll do you one better though, take you to my way too fancy for me to comprehend hotel room and fuck you on the big king sized bed… All. Night. Long.” His hand came up to the nape of your neck and squeezed, this time you couldn’t hold it back, you let out a little whimper.

“Oh yeah? All night pretty boy? You think you can keep up with us?” She grabbed his chin, squishing his cheeks together and shaking his head from side to side a little. Seeing the way Eddie submitted to her was driving you insane, thinking back to how dominant he was with YOU it was so sexy how easily she could turn him into putty in her hands.

She brought her lips back to your neck, kissing and licking while she looked over you into Eddie’s eyes in that way that drove him absolutely crazy.

“Fuck. Alright. Let’s fucking go before I lose my mind start fucking you right here.” He let go of you and you immediately missed his embrace, but he grabbed your hand, dragging toward the back exit and to the car he had waiting, pulling Chloe along behind you. 

The short drive to his hotel was a blur, you were sandwiched between them in the backseat, two sets of hands and lips roaming your body. They were grabbing at your chest, your thighs, kissing and licking on your neck leaving marks and love bites, you were completely at their mercy. When the car started coming to a stop you all practically jumped out, giggling and smiling at each other as you started running hand in hand towards his room.

•

As soon as the door was shut Eddie was on you, he grabbed your face in his big hands and ran his thumbs over your cheeks, his rings were cool and it felt nice on your heated skin “You are so beautiful.” He smiled down at you and then kissed you way more gently than he had in the car, he kissed you like you meant something to him and it was confusing and a little scary but it made your insides feel like they were on fire.

“Okay I get it, you guys are obsessed with each other and that’s very cute and all but I want you both on your fucking knees. Now.” Chloe was standing a few feet away from you, with her hands on her hips and a fire in her eyes that went straight to your core. You kicked off your boots and slid down to your knees without hesitation. It took Eddie’s brain a second to compute not only that this was actually happening right now but how hot your dynamic was. The way you immediately submitted to your girlfriend made his cock even harder than it already was and he wasn’t even sure how that was possible at this point.

He stood there dumbfounded for a second before she walked over to him and grabbed his jaw in her hand, pulling his face close to hers. “I told you to Get. On. Your. Fucking. Knees.”

He stared at her with wide brown eyes before kneeling down next to you.

“Good. You gonna be a good boy for me? I’ll only let you touch my girl if you’re good.” She was bent down to look him directly in the eyes, seeming even taller than she already was and he kind of felt like he was going to bust in his pants right now.

“Yes, I’ll be good. Promise.” He was looking up at her with those pretty doe eyes, driving her crazy.

“Good boy.” She ran her thumb over his bottom lip and he lapped his tongue over it before taking it into his mouth. “Very good boy.”

You squirmed in place, shoving your hands between your legs and squeezing as you watched them. You were honestly so horny at this point you needed one of them to touch you before you exploded. The way Chloe was talking to him was so fucking hot.

“Mmm and we have my good girl too” she said as she looked over at you. “Are you gonna be a good girl for me and Eddie tonight honey?”

“Yes I wanna be good” you bit your lip and nodded eagerly.

“Good. You can start by getting those hands from between your thighs, I didn’t give you permission to do that.” You stuttered out an apology and rested your hands on your lap.

“I’ll let it slide just this once, because my baby is just so eager huh? Want us both to fuck you so bad don’t you?”

“Yes, I want it so bad, been wanting it so bad. I need it.”

“Look how pretty you both look on your knees for me.” She brought a hand to each of your throats and applied just the right amount of pressure. “Take each other's clothes off.”

She didn’t have to tell Eddie twice he practically ripped off the leather jacket he put on in the car and then turned to you and undid the tie at the front of your top.

“Fuck, no bra sweetheart? Are you trying to kill me?”

You bit your lip and nodded “I was hoping that maaaaybe we might see you, I didn’t see any point in wearing it if you were just going to take it off.”

He groaned as he pushed your shirt off your shoulders before leaning in to kiss your neck, making his way down to your chest. But before he can get very far he’s yanked back abruptly by hair.

Chloe towered over him, blue eyes boring down into his.

“I said to undress her, I didn’t give you permission to kiss her, did I?” She gave his hair another tug, causing him to let out a pornographic sounding moan.

“Naughty boy. Open.” He obeyed immediately, sticking out his tongue and looking up at her through his lashes. She let some drool slide off her tongue and onto his and he swallowed without hesitation.

“Now stop being a brat and take her clothes off like I fucking told you to. You can play with her when I say you can.”

“Shit, fuck, yeah okay.” Eddie felt like he died and went to heaven and even more so when his eyes wandered back to you. Your bare chest rising up and down with every breath you take, leaning back on your hands and stretching your legs out in front of you, you bend your knees slightly so he could see up your skirt. There was a little wet patch on your red lace thong and he wanted nothing more than to just bury his face there. You could see the look in his eyes shift then, the entire night he’s looked at you in awe but now he’s looking at you like he wants to destroy you and you want nothing more.

He leans forward, not taking his eyes off yours and starts unbuckling the belts layered on top of your skirt. He’s doing it slowly, like he’s playing with you already despite Chloe’s protests. When the final belt comes off he pulls down the zipper on your skirt before taking it off entirely, leaving you in just your thong.

“God damn baby, look at you.” He smirked at you, running his hands down your calves, the touch sending electric shockwaves up your legs and straight to your pussy. He brought his hands all the way up your legs before looping his fingers in the band of your underwear and pulling them down your ankles.

“Fuck. Look at that pretty pussy, I can see how wet you are from here.”

You couldn’t take it anymore. “Your turn, lean back.”

He assumes your previous position, legs outstretched, weight supported on the palms of his hands as he leans back. You don’t waste any time leaning forward and undoing his belt before hastily undoing his pants and pulling them down his legs. You could see the outline of his cock in his boxers, leaving nothing to the imagination. Long and thick and so fucking hard, a little wet patch forming on the gray fabric. Your mouth watered at the sight. You ran your hands down his chest to his hips before pulling his boxers off. His dick bouncing out and landing on his stomach.

“Fuck. God.” You groaned. “I want you in my mouth so bad.” You looked over to Chloe with pleading eyes, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed completely naked, legs spread.

“You wanna suck him off baby? How about this, since you’ve been such a good obedient little girl for me tonight you can suck his dick while I eat your pussy. How’s that sound?”

“Yes. Please.” You whimpered, she knew exactly how that sounded to you, fucking amazing.

“Okay baby girl, get on the bed, hands and knees.”

You stood immediately, walking over to the bed and getting into the position she asked. You faced them with your back arched so your ass was in the air and stuck your tongue out. A little bit of drool dripping onto the bed. Like a toy, waiting and ready to be played with. Eddie was the first to approach you, cupping your face in his hand gently before grabbing your chin roughly between his pointer finger and thumb and squishing your lips together.

“Look at you, such a good girl, you just want us to treat you like a little fuck doll, huh?” Your eyes rolled back and you moaned, this is what you fucking wanted.

“Yes, please please.” You weren’t above begging at this point. The tension has been building since you saw him on stage and you can’t take much more of them not touching you in some capacity.

“No need to beg doll, I’m gonna give you exactly what you want.” He let go of your chin and held his palm out in front of your mouth. “Spit.”

You grab his hand in both of yours, looking him straight in the eyes as you lick across his palm before spitting on it. He groans, bringing his hand to his cock and stroking it a few times. You felt the bed dip behind you, familiar hands running along your ass before placing a rough smack there causing you to yelp. You looked over your shoulder to see your girlfriend sucking her fingers into her mouth. Her tits on full display, big and full with the prettiest pink nipples you loved to suck.

She brought the fingers in her mouth to your dripping folds, running them up and down your slit. You sighed in relief at the feeling of finally being touched. She inserted two fingers deep into you while making eye contact with you in that way she did that made you feel like you were going to melt. You felt a large hand grab onto your hair, pulling it to turn your head. Eddie was looking down at you with equal intensity, still lazily stroking his cock.

“Eyes on me baby. Stick your tongue out.”

You stuck your tongue out and he slapped his cock against it a few times, but it wasn’t enough, you were tired of the teasing so you took matters into your own hands and wrapped your lips around his head. You swirl your tongue around it a few times before taking as much as him as you could down your throat.

“Holy fuck! O-oh my god, your mouth is so fucking good.” He grabbed onto your hair and tugged, looking down at you with hungry eyes as you began to bob your head up and down on his cock. Chloe continued to move her fingers in and out of you, bringing her thumb to your clit causing you to moan around Eddie.

She suddenly removed her fingers and you whined in protest but you didn’t have to feel the loss of her touch for long because suddenly her tongue was licking a stripe from your hole to your clit before circling it with her tongue and sucking it into her mouth. You pulled off Eddie’s cock to moan loudly at the feeling.

You looked back at her for a moment, she was on her back, one arm wrapped around your thigh, her other arm is out of sight but you can tell by the way it’s moving that she’s touching herself. Fucking god, they’re going to be the death of you.

You turned back to the naked metal head standing over you and looked up at him through your lashes. “Fuck my mouth Eddie, use me.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He mumbled before grabbing back onto your hair, shoving his cock all the way down your throat. He pulled back almost all the way then repeated the action before he started thrusting in and out of your mouth, using your throat just like you asked.

Chloe was still devouring you from behind, circling two fingers around your hole before inserting them, curling them and hitting that perfect spongy spot inside you. Between that and the way Eddie was looking at you while he abused your throat you felt yourself getting close already.

“You gonna cum already baby?” She mumbled against your pussy. “I can feel you tightening around my fingers.”

“You’re already gonna cum? You like us using you like this huh? Getting your pussy eaten while I abuse this little throat of yours.” Eddie started thrusting faster and Chloe sucked harder on your clit and that’s all it took. His words and the feeling of them all over you sent you over the edge. Rubbing back against Chloe’s mouth and moaning loudly around Eddie’s cock you felt white hot pleasure run through your entire body.

He releases his grip on your hair, letting his cock slip out of your mouth while Chloe kisses up your spine before flipping you over onto your back, straddling you and kissing you roughly. She tasted like you, the cinnamon gum she always chews, and you could slightly taste the strawberry chapstick she put on earlier that night. It was intoxicating. She lifted one of your legs and sat between them so she could rub her pussy against yours. She started slowly grinding on you but quickly picked up the pace, humping against you hard and fast. Both of your tits bounced with each thrust and you reached up to grab onto hers, squeezing her nipples between your fingers. The room was filled with the sound of your moans and the slick noises of you rubbing against each other.

“God damn, you guys are so fucking sexy.” You tilt your head to look over at Eddie, he’s standing there naked and tattooed, his dick hard and throbbing while he strokes it.

“Get over here pretty boy, come fuck our girl while I sit on her face” our girl, you liked the sound of that.

She rolled off of you and pulled your head into her naked lap, reaching down to take both your tits in her hands before roughly pinching your nipples.

Eddie came over and got on the bed between your legs, looking down at you like prey. “I’m going to fucking destroy this pussy princess.”

He leaned down and kissed you rough and hard before sitting up and grabbing his cock to position it at your entrance. The stretch of him pushing inside you was delicious, he thrust in and out a few times before pushing himself all the way in, his hips against yours and his balls touching your ass.

“God damn you are so fucking tight.” He started fucking into you hard and fast, unable to pace himself. “You feel s-so fucking good, being such a good girl for us.”

Chloe positions herself so her legs are on either side of your head and her pussy is directly above your mouth and you take the hint right away. Grabbing onto her thighs to pull her to your mouth and licking a stripe up her pussy before shoving your tongue inside her, fucking her with it.

“Mmm fuck baby, your mouth always feels so good.” She moaned as you wrapped your lips around her clit. Leaning forward she resumed playing with your boobs, tweaking and pinching your nipples, landing a slap on them here in there causing you to yelp and moan into her each time. She started riding your face, and you let her decide the pace, just holding onto her thighs while you let her use your tongue.

Eddie brought his thumb to your clit and started rubbing circles on it while he continued to pound into you, letting out moans that you wanted to record and listen to over and over again like your favorite song. You felt him lean forward and you couldn’t see but you could hear them making out above you. Chloe’s pace picked up and so did Eddie’s. The circles on your clit got faster and you could hear them moaning against each other's mouths. You were close. So so close.

“Oh god baby, I’m gonna need you to come soon because I’m not going to last much longer between how tight you’re squeezing me and the view I’m looking at I’m going to fucking explode any second.” He grabbed your legs and held onto them by your thighs so he could change his rhythm and hit the exact right spot that had you seeing stars. You writhed underneath them both, moaning and meeting Eddie’s thrusts best you could with your limited movement. Seconds later you felt him spilling inside of you just as Chloe’s movements in your tongue increased in speed. You leaned up slightly to wrap your lips around her clit, sending her over the edge. She moaned loudly, throwing her head back, as she continued to rub against your mouth while she rode out her high.

Eddie was completely fucked out, he pulled out of you and watched his cum drip out of your pussy down your ass and when he looked up he felt like he was about to get hard again already. Chloe was riding your face, her head thrown back, hand in her hair, skin flushed. She looked absolutely mesmerizing.

Once she came down scooted off your face to come lay down beside you. “Fuck. That was so hot.” She was panting as she wrapped her arm around your shoulders and placed a kiss on your cheek. “You are such a good girl.”

Eddie came and laid on the opposite side of you and wrapped his arm around your waist nuzzling his face into your neck. “The best girl.” He said.

You sighed in content and giggled at the praise.

“Happy Birthday, sweet girl.” Chloe leaned over and kissed you softly.

Eddie sat up abruptly next to you. “WHAT!? It’s your birthday!? Why didn’t you tell me!? We could’ve done something to celebrate!”

You looked over at the clock, it read 2:37AM “I mean it’s not my birthday anymore, and I’m pretty sure we just celebrated, several times.” You laughed.

“Okay technically we kinda celebrated. But you know that’s not what I meant, I meant actual birthday stuff. Like cake and singing happy birthday and all that. You deserve that.” He pouted.

“Eddie! It’s fine, this is all I wanted. Chloe surprised me with this trip and this is more than I could’ve ever asked for on my birthday.” You smiled at him and ran a reassuring hand down his arm. “Plus you didn’t even know it was my birthday, how could you? Don’t feel bad silly.”

“Okay well still!! I want to do something for you. This is the last stop on tour and we are playing two more shows here in town. Let me take you to dinner tomorrow.” He put his hand over yours, smiling hopefully at you.

“Eddie… I- We-“ you struggled to find what to say.

“Eddie, baby, we would love that. But, we spent all of our cash on this trip and we only have money for gas and food on the way home. We weren’t even going to stay tonight since we couldn’t afford a hotel and you so graciously let us stay here. But we really can’t afford to stay here another night. I’m sorry.” Chloe spoke up for you, not in a controlling way, she just knows sometimes you have a hard time telling people no. Especially when you don’t want to.

“No, I mean stay here with me in my hotel. We can do whatever you want tomorrow, and then I’ll take you out to a nice fancy dinner.” Fuck, did he really want that? It honestly sounded amazing, but you didn’t even have extra clothes. There was no way you were going to go to a nice dinner with a newly famous rockstar in the clothes you wore all night.

“Eddie I’d really love that, and it’s so sweet that you want to do that for me but we don’t have extra clothes, and I’d feel bad just imposing on your space and having you spend your money on us.” It hurts you to say no to him, you can see his face fall a bit before it lights back up in a smile.

“Sweetheart, listen… I have so much money now I don’t know what to do with it. I’ll take you guys shopping, you can get clothes for the next few days and something pretty to wear to dinner. Pleeeeease??” He sticks his lip out and puts his hands together like a kid on Halloween begging for one more piece of candy.

“That sounds fucking amazing honestly, I’m in. Let him do this for you baby, he wants to and you deserve it.” Chloe looked over at you both with a Cheshire Cat smile before placing a kiss on your forehead. “I know it’s hard for you to let people do things for you, but if you can’t do it for you, do it for me? Because I really fucking want the rockstar Eddie treatment for a day.”

She wasn’t wrong, he’s practically begging to spoil you, it wouldn’t hurt to let him, would it?

“Fuck it. Okay. You can take us shopping and to dinner but I’m going to suck your dick so good and fuck your brains out after. As a thank you.”

His dick twitched at the thought. “Fuck princess, you can’t talk like that you’re going fo get me going again.”

“Who said I wasn’t trying to do exactly that?” You bit your lip and moved your hand to palm his now semi hard cock.

“Yeah? You wanna go again?” He looked like he just won the lottery.

“Hell yeah we do pretty boy, I specifically remember you saying something about ‘fucking us all night long’” Chloe was climbing over you, straddling your lap as she reached out to grab Eddie’s throat. “Did you not?”

“Fuck yeah I did.” He grabbed her face and pulled her into a rough kiss.

Yeah, this was definitely the best birthday of your life, the best day of your life in general honestly and tomorrow was probably going to be even better.

Tagging the bbs who seemed like they wanted to read this: @eddiemunson95 @rip-quizilla @the-unforgivenn 🤭🖤

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x OC

[black-lake]

astro observations 3

Hi besties,

I'm doing another observation for ya ☺︎ I truly enjoy writing these so much. These ones are a little longer, because the aspects are complex.

Now this is the saturn post, so many saturn observations. 🪐

Highlights: taurus, moon, virgo, capricorn, gemini, aquarius, saturn, neptune, 12th house, 11th house, celebrity charts, earth placements.

------

🍁 Earth moons, especially taurus and virgo, have amazing taste in fashion and all material things. They can determine the quality of things by feeling it or just looking at it. They may have standards for what they buy. They are the type to go like "this thing will break in 3 months, do you really wanna waste your money?". Taurus moons may buy things frequently because they just like it. Virgo moons analyze the price and value and criticize the hell out of the store and owner too looool. They are on the look for the "perfect" thing, it needs to look and feel a certain way. Capricorns are chill with it, they be calculating their money? but they spoil themselves.

🍁 Earth moons are also really good at taking care of their belongings. Once they buy something they cherish it and keep it looking new for so long. They know how to clean and maintain what they have. Their clothes may look new and expensive even if they’re not. They take good care of their surroundings too, especially caps and virgos. 

🍁 Saturn conjuncting or positively aspecting an inner planet makes someone good with business. Especially aspects to sun, mercury and mars. Their investments work out and are long term. They learn how to make money quickly but are also patient with it. They just have a natural business mind. The types to own multiple businesses and maintain their success. 

🍁 Saturn aspects to neptune, especially squares/oppositions/conjunctions, feeling guilty whenever you dream, when you let yourself be hopeful for no reason, when you think of an ideal. Stopping yourself from fantasizing because it’s "unreal", because you wouldn’t do it, you don’t know how to do it, you haven’t done enough. These people don’t realize they have huge potential to make their dreams come true, especially if other aspects support it. Saturn here gives a hint of pessimism to your dreams, and wakes you to reality every time. Saturn here also allows you to have your dream after it took it away from you. Once they have learned how to work with both planets they can be very successful and looked up to. 

🍁 Craig Ferguson having Gemini mercury at 17° and a Scorpio moon? I see why this guy is flirtatiously sarcastically funny. He also has mars in Aries which adds to his quick wit and boldness. Even tho his humor can be dark and direct, the fire also makes it fun and lighthearted. His Libra ascendant, keeping it balanced and making his guests comfortable even when he says the most questionable things lol. His Leo MC at 5° adds to his charismatic personality like a cherry on top. His chart is too interesting fr.

I can do more celebrity analysis in the future?

🍁 I also imagined him having more earth in his chart, because of his authoritative and well respected persona? But he has none at all lol. Ik that a Leo MC can also give a strong persona and demands respect. Now there are aspects that answer the question. The harsher the aspects the more the person naturally demands respect because of the lessons they learned. His saturn opposite NN and MC, he had a difficult upbringing, especially with that Aquarius IC, ouch. Pluto opposite Chiron and Jupiter conjunct Chiron, wounds making him strong and wise. His Mars opposite Ascendant adds a layer of intimidation. 

🍁 You and your Aquarius or Gemini placements bestie, each texting about completely different topics, sending each other irrelevant weird sh*t, sending questionable memes, laughing at different things, answering in questionable times, never answering questions completely, yet you don’t question it at all, because in your mind you're embracing each other's uniqueness. how quirky 💀

🍁 I rarely meet Aquarius and Pisces suns and placements, even tho I want to analyze them badly, I rarely have a chance to interact with them. plz come to my life I want to judge your personality.. with admiration of course! (my virgo moon speaking). 👽 

🍁 People with saturn in the 4th house had a difficult upbringing and heavy responsibilities put on them early on, this shaped their personalities and perceptions, and made them want to work harder to break their families emotional trauma and find security. They want to heal their trauma affecting their sense of safety and security emotionally and financially. Saturn 4th in charts of Marilyn Monroe, Craig Ferguson, Harry Styles, Madonna, and Drake. 

🍁 The hardest saturn house placements imo, are saturn in 11th, 12th, 10th, 4th, 7th. If you have these I respect you so much buddy, truly, it's a nightmare. These are also karmic, don't mess with these people, or you're inevitably meant to mess with them? because it's the way to get your karma and for your ass to learn a lesson. The universe works through them and they get the lovely pain in return loool. No fr they get so much power in return, they're protected heavily and are blessed with so much in life, they just wait longer for bigger blessings. Ily all.

🍁 Now if you have saturn in the 11th, or 11th house cusp, chances are you feel left out, you feel alienated, you hate socializing and hate strongly desiring it. Your friends betray you so easily it's insane. People give you weird looks. Your classmates, coworkers, avoiding you, it's your power, it's karma scaring them. People avoid doing you wrong but fall for the trap before they know it, they are hit hard with karma. They see what they reject in themselves in you, their hopes and dreams, their self expression, true unfiltered selves. People who don't know how to stand out and are people pleasers hate you the most. You are a non conformist, and like your alone time. You leave as fast as you enter someone's life, you become a mystery.

🍁 With this placement, your friends are not meant to be long term, only few will. Better friends will come as you mature and become older. Saturn makes it clear to you who has your best intentions at heart and who doesn’t, or tests you to see if you learned from experiences on how to detach from toxic people and be yourself no matter what. You will be blessed with amazing people and communities that understand you and embrace your individuality, the path to this isn’t easy, but hold on. 

🍁 Saturn 11th can pick up on negative energies, places and fake people. They don't even have to say or do anything their presence solely is triggering those places and people and bringing on change. They change people's lives and their own like a lightning bolt. They are activists online and they start threads and campaigns to wake people up and bring on some change. These people can have a strong presence online. 

🍁 The og terrible nightmare is saturn in the 12th (yay I have it). Bonus points if saturn is harshly aspected, or touches neptune. I wanted to do a whole post or even article about this placement. It's intriguing. I stop to think a lot whenever I see it in a chart, especially of powerful people which is often the case, but I don't understand it fully! I'm always shocked to see it in people's charts, it's very subtle and mysterious, it manifests in different ways, you can’t tell until you really see it play out. This is one of the most powerful placements saturn can be in.

🍁 Now saturn 12th differs depending on whether it’s closer to the 11th or the 1st house cusp. If it's closer to the 1st house it plays out in one's self expression and self assertion when it comes to their lives, so this area is challenged for them. If it's closer to the 11th it, it plays out in themes relating to groups, people, connections, dreams, expressions, the collective.. etc. The 11th and 12th both rule the collective consciousness, uranus and neptune, and in this case saturn is also at play, woah, this is what makes this a triple power placement. Individuals that have it closer to the 11th house likely experienced the effect of saturn on both houses. They were, hated, alienated, people tried to take their power, people saw them as an enemy or a threat, people wanted to harm them, didn't want them to believe in themselves, they struggle to assert their power, but they are meant to.

🍁 Saturn 12th is also very similar to the 11th when it comes to giving people karma and showing them their place without doing anything, but it's more powerful, it plays out subconsciously and for longer periods. Now I'm talking, manifesting as diseases, mental issues, suicidal thoughts, severe accidents, even death. Manipulators, cheaters, liars, people with bad intentions, jealous people, those who manipulate their power whether through resources and money or fame and dark shady stuff, all gravitate towards you, ik it's horrible lol. I'm so sorry you're a magnet for bad people. They want to control you and manipulate you. You have to be careful with this placement to not trust people, but you already don’t trust no one lol.

🍁 Saturn 12th forces you to face your shadow self head on, dealing with depression, negative thoughts, sorrow, low energies, bad habits, taking your subconscious seriously. It is likely that at a young age they didn't understand their subconscious patterns, mental health issues started surfacing for them as teenagers, they had a hard time understanding their mind. You feel extreme loneliness, very likely only children? being removed from everyone else even if you need people. Forced to do everything alone. Feeling like you have to deal with everything alone. Feeling like you will never be understood. These people wished to disappear from earth so many times. ☹︎ Dealing with people's shadows and forcing them to face it. Mirroring back energies. You are heavily protected so fear nothing!

🍁 Now what gives these individuals this much power? It's everything I have mentioned above. This applies especially if saturn is closer to the 11th. These people have gone through the depth of their emotions and thoughts, they drowned in them. They faced harsh realities about themselves and others. They've understood so much about their own triggers and limits. They have destroyed and rebuilt their subconscious with a stronger foundation. Now they have access to the collectives subconscious, they have power over it, they can rule people or even manipulate them. They have a strong effect on their surroundings. They take on positions of power easily. They destroy limits and rules and build newer ones just like they did with their minds. They can be as toxic as the people they dealt with, or can cause amazing changes in their environments and be remembered for changing the world. 

🍁 Saturn 12th being prominent in charts of individuals that are/were presidents, politicians, musicians, and activists. Examples with saturn in the 12th being close to the 11th cusp or in the cusp, Vladimir Putin, Barack Obama, George Washington, Donald Trump (in the 11th closer to the 12th), George W. Bush, Beyoncé, Zayn Malik, SZA, Will Smith (exactly on the cusp), Matthew McConaughey (on the cusp), Whitney Houston. I can name so many others. 

🍁 Worthy to mention that many of the themes mentioned about saturn can also apply to pluto in the 12th, 11th and 10th, but in a different way. I can do a whole different post about that.

🍁 So much of this is my own experience and the people I know. Please let me know if you have experienced any of these observations, especially with saturn aspects and houses. I'd love to hear and learn more about it. 

#astro observations #astrology aspects #astrology #astrology signs #virgo moon #taurus moon #capricorn moon #saturn #saturn aspects #saturn placements #saturn 11th #saturn 12th #saturn in the houses #saturn 4th house #celebrity charts #neptune aspects #craig ferguson #earth moons #gemini #aries mars #leo mc #aquarius #pisces #pluto

[scribblecake]

How I've Missed You (Revised)

I wasn't satisfied with the original but can't bring myself to delete it.

A gift for @blacksapphhicmaddonna

WARNINGS: NSFW, swearing.

~***~

Dawn broke to rain showering down upon red earth. Thunder rolled as cool water washed over thirsting greenery. Nanisca welcomed the calming droplets. They left chilled streaks across her heated flesh while she made her way through thick underbrush.

Hushed determination fueled rippling muscle to move silently over mossy stones, over fallen trunks, and then finally through a churning river. Nanisca only stopped when she arrived at a small cottage covered in blooming vines. Elation tugged a smile to stoic lips as the general sauntered up to its carved front door, giving it three rapid knocks.

Shuffling, then a loud bang followed by a harried “Get lost! We’re closed!” came from within.

Nanisca bit her lip to keep from chuckling. “Even for me?”

Another bang, the clinking of glass bottles, then frantic scrambling sounded from behind the door before it was hastily swung open. Peering up at her was a short and slender woman with shoulder-length braids. Bits of dried moss and leaves clung to her braids. A variety of mystery concoctions smeared her clothes. She sported angular features that were pulled into a shocked expression. Her chocolate eyes peered up at Nanisca through thick lashes. 

Both women froze. Eyes locked and, for a moment,  it was as if the very Earth had stopped breathing…

Then there was an explosion of motion.

Lips crashed together to spark sizzling passion, hands found purchase in muscled curves, while bodies locked together like puzzle pieces. Then all too soon, the pair pulled apart. Breathless gasps steamed the air with a charged tension. Anticipation, glee, longing, hunger. So many energies crackled like lightning in the firestorm between them.

Wordlessly, Nanisca was pulled inside and roughly pushed onto a plush bed. She couldn’t hold it this time. A chuckle escaped her lips at her lover’s urgency. However, when rolling onto her back she was met with an angry glare.

“I haven’t heard a word from you in six months, you ass!”

Nanisca’s smile dropped. “I know…”

“You’d better have a damn good reason for disappearing! I’ve been worried sick!” 

The general flinched at the raw pain in her lover’s voice. She hadn't meant to go so long without visiting. Battle, politics, and duty kept her away. To make matters even more strenuous, she suddenly found herself faced with meeting her estranged daughter. Suffice to say the few times Nanisca had to herself, she had been far too exhausted and bruised to make the long trek into the jungle. 

The warrior reached out to pull her love down into her arms. “Apologies my darling dove… the palace has been nothing but chaos as of late. I have so many new responsibilities. Not to mention new trainees that demand the rest of my time and energy. But I’m here now… and I’m more than willing to make up for all the time I’ve missed~” As she spoke, Nanisca placed tender kisses to her love’s collar bones. Yet all she received in return was an unamused hum.

Though mere proximity to her love clouded her mind. Nanisca boldly let her strong hands grip at supple thighs. The warrior prayed that all she couldn’t vocalize would translate through her touch. Doe eyes gazed down at her full of warring emotions. Annoyance, relief, anger, joy, and love, love, love. Her dove paused before all the tension in her body relaxed. She pressed against her warrior with a content sigh.    

Velvety lips kissed at the corner of the general’s mouth. “I love you Nani, but for fucks sake!”

Nanisca chuckled lowly before fully entangling herself in her love’s warm body. “Oh my dove. You know not of the pain I had to endure. I’ve had to go about my days aching for you, spend every night fantasizing about you, yet unable to truly drown in you.”  Plump lips ghosted over the shell of an ear before the warrior nipped at its lobe. “I’d love to show you just how much I've missed you~”

~***~

“Mh, again~” Nanisca husked. Sweat dripped down her toned body as she panted and rested her chin on her lover’s shoulder. Kisses littered every inch of skin available. A sly tongue even made an appearance. It dragged hotly over the soft expanse lain bare before it.

“A-again? Darling, I don’t think I can- mh!~ ... t-that was already m-my f-fourth…” 

Nanisca gave a gentle coo. Her hand came up to work tantalizing patterns on heaving and sensitive breasts. “I can give you many more. Would you like that, dove?”

Her lover squirmed in her lap. A lustful ‘yes’ escaped the flushed and sweaty woman. “Mmh, but a small rest first.”

Nanisca couldn’t help but smirk to herself. How lucky she was to have such a beauty so desperately needy for her. How ready her dove was to shed her propriety to become a panting harlot just for her. Reluctant hands withdrew themselves as shuddering forms shifted to sit upright. Outside, the rhythmic driving of pouring skies added a comfortable layer of static to fill the space. 

Rain combined with the warmth of the day resulted in steamy heat in the small cottage. Sex saturated the air with its heady scent. It invaded the warrior’s senses and electrified her body. Desire reignited to sinful levels, leaving Nanisca desperate to make a mess of her woman all over again. 

Yet she forced herself to stay still. Instead, shifting to grab a jug of water that was kept to the side of the bed and passing it to her love. Sensual calm spread over the duo as they caught their breath. Both women basked in each other’s company.  Though throbbing heat persisted in Nanisca’s womanhood. It begged for attention. Demanded it.

Arousal dripped hotly down her thighs. Each twitch of her needy cunt wetted her flesh with sticky dewdrops. And the longer they sat together the slicker she became. Cheeks flushed, breath shortened, hands gripped at sheets. It was too much to bear.

“Dove, I need your hands on me… I very much want to have you again~”

Her lover paused. A sparkle that Nanisca knew all too well shimmered in her eyes. A hand lifted, “Come conquer me then, general~” she breathed with a crook of her finger.

Lust coiled and Nanisca sprung to action. She surged forward, all rippling muscles and impatience. Gentle hands placed themselves onto burning flesh. Like ice to embers, their touch melted bliss onto sensitive skin and wrenched a groan from the general’s throat. 

“More.”

The next few hours were spent with both women completely entangled in one another. True to her word, Nanisca showered her sweet dove with release after release while indulging in touch herself. The warrior lost herself in the pleasure those soft hands gave her. 

They clawed at her back, caressed sweetly at her jaw, twisted her budding nipples, and coaxed orgasm after orgasm from her quivering folds. Best of all they made her feel the love she craved. Nanisca lost herself in heaving breasts. In the way thighs trembled and flexed around her head. She drowned in the sweet nectar that flowed from swollen petals to quench her parched throat. 

Presently, calloused hands were sliding down slender legs to grab them at their ankles. The warrior stood on her knees as she slung the legs up to place one over each shoulder. Her lover now dangled upside down with her glistening cunt presented to the ceiling. Nanisca wasted no time in burying her face in the sopping folds. Fervent sucks and an agile tongue filled the room with lustful music. Each desperate lap was harmonized with sloppy wet slurping that drove them both wild.

Eyes rolled back. Breathy moans split the air as the general let hot arousal fill her mouth. She fully submitted to it. She missed this taste! Nanisca let the sapid juices soak her cheeks and chin before fixing her lips around a throbbing clit. Her cheeks hollowed with suction, ripping a wail from her suspended lover. 

The woman in question sported a blissed out expression on her face with tears dotting the corners of her glazed eyes.

“N-Nanisca! Your m-mouth is- amazing!”

The warrior peeled her mouth away from her meal. “Yes? Tell me, tell me how much you love it!” She hissed before lavishing her lover’s clit with her tongue. Toe curling patterns were traced relentlessly on the sensitive bud making the other woman scream.

“I love it! F-fuuuck! Right there!”

Those words lit a fire within Nanisca. Pangs of pleasure jolted down to her core, making her own need for stimulation flare. A growl rumbled deep in her chest as she arched forward to lay her dove on the flat of her back. This prompted the other woman to whine in protest. She was quieted when an arm hooked down to keep one leg extended upwards. Nanisca burned with want as she moved to hover her dripping sex over her beloved’s.

Lower lips kissed. Heat boiled against wet heat in an explosion of pure ecstacy. Sensation jolted pleasure up the warrior’s spine. Hips canted forward as wanton groans escaped them both. Sweat dripped down her abdomen while it flexed with the steady pace she set. Nanisca threw her head back at the unbridled euphoria that coursed through her body. Breathy whines sounded from beneath her. They grew in pitch and frequency with each thrust. Silken hands climbed their way up the general’s stomach to rub electrifying circles on her swollen nipples. 

Nanisca leaned down, “I’ve dreamed of seeing you like this. so. many. times.” she growled while pointing each word with a thrust. “The sheer amount of times I’ve had to sit in the council with your moans echoing in my mind, it's shameful really…”

A whine warbled from her lover’s throat. The other woman could only buck her hips weakly in response, her nails raking down her warrior’s chest. Arousal tightened in Nanisca’s cunt. Hips snapped forward and began to command a mind numbing pace. She angled herself so that their dripping buds were in constant contact. Her core clenched and she hurtled towards her release.

Nanisca was made vaguely aware that the bed was shaking violently. Maybe even a little too violently. A new sound joined the carnal symphony. The headboard banged out an obscene rhythm as it hit against the wall. It inflamed Nanisca’s ego. She let it spur her movements to new intensities. Each driving thrust shook the wooden frame more and more…

C R A C K !

T H U D !

C R A S H !

Gravity and momentum threw Nanisca forward and down onto her love as the bed gave out from under them. Yet strong legs hooked around her waist. She threw caution to the wind and without missing a beat her hips continued to pound. 

“You broke my fucking bed!~”

“Yes.”

“You shedemon! Dont fucking stop!~”

And just like that they were tumbling over the edge together into oblivion. Coils of arousal tightened then snapped, unleashing torrents of boiling wetness. Cores spasmed and clenched, breath stuttered and gasped, all while loud cries cut through the hazy twilight ending with both women collapsing into each other.

Nanisca’s chest heaved. She rolled onto her back, drawing her lover’s languid frame into her arms. Breathless and satisfied post sex tranquility weighed their limbs. Rain gently tapped a soothing melody on dense undergrowth. It lulled the pair back into comfortable silence as they soaked in each other’s presence.

Tender kisses were exchanged in the growing dark and after a while, Nanisca felt a shift in her arms. She met glittering eyes with her own. Her dove’s lips twisted into a mischievous smirk.

“I know we’ve spent all day in bed but… how much did you really miss me?”

~***~

Tag list: @zeezeecave  @shanas-baby @blkbinz  @mybonafidefeelings  @xenaizogie

#nanisca x reader #nanisca #the woman king #wlw ns/fw #im gay as fuck #fanfiction #smut #smut fic #wlw nsft

[lokiprompts]

The Shifter - Chp 6

Summary: You unintentionally shift/dream walk in your sleep. You finally realize that your time with Loki is not a dream....will you decide to stay with him?

Warnings: Smut 18+ only, swearing.

Words: ~4k

Other chapters on my masterlist.

What a way to celebrate my return back to Tumblr!! Thank you all for your support as I was in Tumblr jail for a month. Never again. 🤪

            You unceremoniously flung yourself out of your bed, your longtime lover long forgotten as you scrambled to your feet in a flurry of bedding and limbs. Once you were finally free, you immediately beelined for the bathroom and flicked on the light to see your reflection. It was just as Stephen said. Your cut from earlier in the day was gone. Gingerly, you reached up and touched the skin of your forehead where stitches once were. Now, there was only perfect, unblemished flesh.

            There, under the fluorescents in your bathroom, you stared at yourself with furrowed, confused brows. How could this be? There is no possible way your cut could heal so fast. Even if you healed quickly, it was like there wasn’t a cut at all. It was impossible. But then you remembered your dream.

            Loki.

            Your eyes widened with realization as your dream came back to you, sending your mind into a tizzy. How Loki healed your forehead, your special day with him, and him telling you that you were….soulmates? How he begged you to stay. With every memory, your heart panged guilt. Loki is a god, but he was still a sensitive being who has been through more suffering and trauma than anyone should fear to experience even in their darkest nightmares.

            And he was real. Truly, and undoubtably real. The look of bewilderment on your face slowly faded to a wide smile that threatened to crack your face in half. He was real!

            You were too lost in the reality that Loki, the character you fantasized about on the daily basis, was actually real to hear your boyfriend coming into the bathroom with you. Stephen’s hand rested carefully on your shoulder, but you still jumped at the contact. For a moment, your eyes met through the reflection in your mirror. The once joyful expression on your face quickly souring into a frown as your happy bubble was popped.

            “You have to leave,” You said flatly, turning your head away from your connected gaze.

            There was a look of confusion that flashed across Stephen’s face, “What are you talking about?"

            Huffing out a sigh, you made quick work to sneak around him and leave the bathroom. Stephen was right on your trail. Without even looking at him, you started to gather the few things that were his inside of your apartment and threw them in bag.

            “I’ve made my decision. I’m not marrying you and we are not going to be together anymore.”

            Stephen snatched the half full bag from your hand, “What are you talking about? We have been together for years. Where is this coming from?”

            You sighed, crossing your arms across your body, “We haven’t been very happy for a long time, and you know it. We are only together because it is something familiar, not because we truly want to be. It’s time we move on.”

            There was a new hardened expression in Stephen’s eyes. He scoffed, his demeanor suddenly becoming ice cold, “Oh, but you have no problem taking advantage of me? No problem calling me whenever you need something. No problem letting me pay that damn hospital bill yesterday!”

            You paused, trying to find the right words before speaking, “I have appreciated everything you have done for me, but a relationship is not about keeping score. It’s about taking care of the one you love in whatever way you can and being there for them.,” You let out a long breath, “But sometimes that isn’t enough. We aren’t meant to be together.”

            Stephen’s eyes blazed and his nose scrunched in disgust, before making quick work around your apartment and angrily throwing the rest of his belongings into that singular bag. As you watched him, you realized that one single bag of his items was enough proof that the relationship wouldn’t last. After all your years together, he had never made your home his and you never invited him to do so either. He was a separate entity in your life, a passerby on your life’s journey. He wasn’t your forever, but you had someone who was.

            “Bitch.” Was the last thing Stephen spat out before slamming your apartment door behind him as he left.

            You just shook your head and made quick work around your apartment. You had to get to get back to Loki.

            All the curtains in your apartment were drawn closed and you dove under your bathroom sink and pulled out a basket of medications. Sifting through it, you pulled out a box of Benadryl.

            “Non-drowsy.” You frowned, chucking it over your shoulder. Digging further into the basket you found an older bottle of Nyquil.

            “Bingo.” You grinned, before chugging a few mouthfuls. A dribble of the green liquid went down the side of your mouth as your face contorted at the flavor of the drug. After wiping your face, you ran into your bedroom and buried yourself in the covers of your bed. One of your arms flailed out from under your covers to grab your sleep mask on your nightstand, quickly putting it on.

            You huffed, laying on your back, the anxiety and excitement about how everyone of your dreams being real, Loki being real keeping you awake. Thankfully, the power of the cold medication you took started to make its way through your blood stream. The hammering of your heart soon gave way to a deep sleep. A sleep that would hopefully bring you to Loki.

            The next thing you heard was the chirping of morning birds. You groaned, pawing at your face in a pathetic attempt to wipe the sleep from your face. Thankfully, your eyes quickly adjusted to the beaming light of the room. Sitting up, you recognized the room immediately. It was your given room inside the Avenger’s Tower. A grin spread on your face.

            You were back.

            You almost fell right out of the bed; you darted out of it so quickly. The sleep still clung to your body like a wet blanket, making your movements clumsy and slow. But, still, you ran out of your bedroom, leaving the door open in your wake and stumbling down the residential hallway.

            “Loki!” Over and over again you called out his name. Each time more desperate than the last. Regret had started to seep into your mind for chugging the Nyquil, thinking maybe it was why you were such a sleepy stupor. Your shoulder connected with the cold hallway wall when you finally heard running footsteps. A sigh of relief escaped from your lips. Without seeing them, you already knew who it was.

            It was Loki.

            He rounded the corner of the hallway opposite of the common room, just as your half-asleep body entered it. The prince’s chest was heaving, and it was clear he ran as fast as he could from wherever it was to make it to you. His name died on your lips as soon as your eyes connected. Like magnets, you were pulled to each other. His long legs crossing the room in quick strides and your drugged body pulling you along without much thought.

            Loki stopped right in front of you, only steadying you with his hands when you stumbled forward. Again, you breathed out, “Loki” your eyes never leaving his.

            “You remember me?” He cautiously asked. The sound of his voice was like a balm to your aching heart. How could you ever not believe he was real?

            You smiled, “I do…and I…” a breathy, surprised laugh puffed out from your lips, “I believe you. I believe you, Loki.”

            The crystal blue hues of his eyes searched yours for meaning, and you wanted to reach up and kiss the crease of his brow,” What do you believe, Dove?”

            “I believe that you are real. That I am really here, and this is not a dream.”

            The words were so simple, but they hit Loki like a ton of bricks. His eyes were wide like saucers and his shook his head, his black curly locks bouncing. “You truly mean that…You…you believe that I am real?” The desperate tone of his voice broke your heart.

            You took a step forward, now chest to chest with him. One of your hands reached up and tenderly cupped his cheek and your heart soared when he leaned into the warmth of your palm.

            “I do.”

            A gasp squeaked out of your body as he picked you up and spun you around without warning. The surprise soon gave way to your silly giggles echoing in Loki’s ear. It was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. His strong arms held you tight, stealing the breath from your lungs.

            “Can’t…breathe…” You gasped out between breathless laughs. As quickly as you were lifted, you were dropped down and Loki’s grip on your arms was the only reason why you didn’t collapse on the floor.

            “I am so sorry, Dove,” He stroked the top of your arms with his hands, and you decided right then and there that you loved his hands on you, “Are you alright?”

            Still, with lingering heaving breaths, you beamed up at him, “More than alright.” Then you launched yourself at him. He tackled you, so why can’t you tackle him? All is fair in love and mischief.

            Your lips latched onto his with feverish desire. The reality that this man, this god, was real and cared for you like no other had before was driving your movements. Your hands tangled in the soft tresses of his hair and his wrapped possessively around your back, pulling you impossibly closer to him. Butterflies erupted in your stomach when you realized he was kissing you with just as much passion.

            The hand gripping onto his hair tugged against his scalp and when you heard him moan as a result, your core set on fire. You took advantage of every moment, prodding your tongue against his breathless mouth until his started to tangle with yours. No words were spoken, but you moved in perfect sync. You jumped up and wrapped your legs around his waist, his hands gripping the soft flesh of your ass and holding you as if you weighed nothing.

            With his mouth never leaving yours, he carried you over to one of the couches in the common room. He sat down with you now on his lap. The two of you were lost in each other, consuming the desire for the other as if you needed it to survive. You groaned as you felt his hardening length underneath you, and your needy body took over as you ground your core against him. His hands tightly gripped your hips and aided your movements, moaning into your mouth as he felt your clothed heat against him.

            Even with the separation with your clothes, the feeling was electric. The coil in your stomach was quickly tightening as the fabric of your pants started to become soaked from your juices.

            “Loki…” You whimpered.

            He pressed his forehead against yours as he pushed your hips to move you quicker against his length. Leaning back, he admired your flushed skin, how you mouth hung open with each breathless pant, and how your eyes closed as you lost yourself to the pleasure he was bringing you. The excitement of seeing you consumed with lust for him delaying his desire to rip off your clothes and fuck you until you cried. Oh, he planned on doing that and much more, but first he wanted to watch you come undone on top of him.

            “Cum for me, Dove.” He groaned, the feeling of you driving him mad. As soon as he spoke those words, the dam broke and your body trembled, mouth agape as wave after wave of pleasure shot through you. Loki’s large hands gripped your hips tighter as he kept you moving through your orgasm, his godly fingertips likely leaving bruises in their wake.

            Your movements slowed down as you came down from your high. A drunken grin was on your face as you pressed your forehead against his, “Mmmm, that was amazing, but we really should do something about you, my Prince.” You wiggled your hips against his hard cock that was still painfully constrained in his pants.

            Loki shivered with pleasure, both from your movements and from your sweet endearment. He leaned back to look at you, and tenderly pushed a fallen piece of your fucked out hair behind your ear.

            “Oh, I am far from done with you my….” Loki stopped his sweet purr, freezing in place as his eyes went wide. Then you felt it. The familiar trickle down from your nose. Quickly, you wiped away the blood with the back of your hand and you mirrored the fear that was written all over Loki’s face. With the excitement of finally realizing you had shifted into a reality with Loki, you had forgotten how your body was falling apart in the process.

            The sweet moments of ecstasy vanished in an instant as tears pricked at the corner of your eyes, “Oh, God, Loki. I’m going to die. I don’t want to die.”

            Your frantic cries seemed to take Loki out of his frozen state, and he made quick work to cover your nose. With a green glow, Loki tried to heal you, but it wasn’t working. Blood continued to stream down your face like a faucet and you panicking only made it worse. Loki pressed the sleeve of his shirt against your nose to catch the dripping blood, swiftly masking the shock expression on his face.

            “Shh, shh, you will be alright. I won’t let you die. I promise you.” He stroked your hair as tears started to roll down your cheeks. “Look at me, Dove.”

            He gripped your chin to encourage you to look at him and with wet eyes, you obeyed. The tender, loving look of his face gave you renewed faith. Faith in him.

            “Do you believe me?” He asked, vulnerably reflecting back at you through his eyes. You nodded your head and he continued to stroke your hair. Fresh air was filling your lungs as the panic started to subside, but the metallic taste of blood still lingered in the back of your throat.

            “Good.” Loki said, before cautiously lifting up his sleeve to re-evaluate your bleeding. It had slowed down signfiicantly and he let out a shuddered, thankful breath. There was a moment of silence between the both of you, as he wiped away the blood on your face with his sleeve. Each movement was careful and tender, as if you were the most precious and fragile thing in the world. The sweet gesture brought renewed tears to your eyes.

            “There is a way to stop your dream walking, Dove.” Loki said, breaking the silence, “There is a spell the Doctor can do to end it for good.”

            “But I wouldn’t be able to see you again?”

            Loki averted his gaze from yours, “If you so choose.”

            “What do you mean, Loki?” Your heart started to thud wildly in your chest, afraid of his answer, yet still desperately needing to know.

            His blue eyes shifted back to you, and you noticed his hands went back down to your hips, the pads of his fingers thrumming against your body nervously. It was clear he didn’t want to explain, or he didn’t know what to say as his mouth opened and closed as he willed words to come forward.

            “With this spell, you can choose to stop dream walking and remain in your world. The universe which you come from. Or…” He trailed off, swallowing thickly before continuing, “Or you can stay here with me. You would continue your life here, in this universe.”

            The heaviness of his words hung between you like a thick fog. Did you want to be with him? Could you give up your life?

            “What would happen to me…back home, if I do stay here? Would I just…go missing?”

            There was a hopefulness in Loki’s eyes that you didn’t miss, “It would be like you never existed. No one would be harmed with your departure. You simply wouldn’t….be.”

            “And if I went back home? Would you remember me?” Loki’s face fell at your question, but he answered anyways.

            “It’s thankfully different for us here. Something to do with your world not having as much magic as ours. I would remember you, Dove. I could never forget you.”

            You hummed thoughtfully as you processed what he said. There wasn’t much for you back in your world. Stephen and you had broken up. You were just fired from your job, and you weren’t on speaking terms with your family. The only people you would truly miss were your friends and you knew deep in your heart that they would want you to go, no run, towards your happiness. As you looked into Loki’s eyes, that is exactly what you saw. Happiness. Love. A future.

            You leaned forward and gently kissed his lips. Just as you broke apart, Loki started to speak frantically.

            “I understand if you can’t leave your life. I wouldn’t blame you one bit. I am honored to have simply met you and –

            You pressed your fingers to his lips, silencing him, “I would love to stay with you, Mischief.”

            Loki moved your hand away from his lips, his brows furrowed in confusion, “What?”

            “I want to stay with you, Loki.” Fresh tears glossed over both of your eyes and for a moment, you thought maybe Loki had changed his mind. That he didn’t want you there by his side. But the watery laugh that bubbled from his broad chest brought on your own breathless giggles. Loki cupped your cheeks and peppered your face with kisses, pouring out his gratefulness with each peck.

            “Let’s get the Doctor then, shall we?” He beamed.

            So, that is how you found yourself laying down on a hospital bed in a room surrounded by glass, with Doctor Strange and Loki by your side. The other Avengers watched from behind the glass, Tony and Bruce clacking away at their computers as they observed and monitored you.

            “Are you ready?” Strange asked you.

            Your swallowed hard, your throat suddenly very dry, “Yes.” The anxiety and nerves were overwhelming. The spell and the idea of a new life frightened you, but you knew this is what you wanted deep in the depth of your soul. You turned your head to look at Loki who stood by your side. His hand was already holding yours and he gave you a reassuring squeeze. You knew, with him, everything was possible.

            Dr. Strange closed his eyes and put out your palms, sparks of gold coming from his fingers as he spoke his incantation. You could hear him, but it sounded far away and soon, all you could hear was white noise buzzing in your ear. Tingles started to take over your body and you screwed your eyes shut to bear it. Still, you felt Loki’s hand in yours and it gave you the strength to not cry out.

            But then it was gone. It was as if his hand had slipped from yours and just as quickly as the tingling started, it ended. Your eyes shot open. Everything was different, yet so familiar. You sat up and you started to sob as you realized where you were.

            You were back home. You were home and without Loki.

            “What happened to her?!” Loki snarled, charging right up to Strange. The god witnessed you vanish right before his eyes. In that moment, he turned to the doctor for answers. Was this normal? Was she coming back? Only to be met with silence. That was enough of an answer for him and enough to spark his rage.

            He grabbed Strange by the throat, slamming him against the glass, “Where is she?!”

            Strange looked at Loki, gripping at the wrist that had a strong hold on his neck. The sorcerer could defend himself from Loki’s wrath, but he didn’t. The Avengers that were just on the other side of the glass room rushed to enter to aid him, but the sorcerer shook his head, silently asking them not to enter. He knew the choice he made.

            “She didn’t belong here. Her very presence was a danger to us all and was risking the destruction of our universe.” Strange choked out.

            “Bring her back!” Loki growled, his grip constricting Strange’s throat more before releasing just enough to allow him to speak.

            “I can’t. The spell is permanent.”

            Just as Loki made the decision to snap the sorcerer’s neck, there was frantic banging at the glass where the rest of the Avenger’s still waited.

            “We have a problem out here!” Tony yelled out. With a frustrated groan, Loki let go of Strange’s throat in hopes that whatever was happening would be a clue of how to bring you back. The team ran to the nearest window and peered up at the sky that was now cracking at the seams. The once blue sky was breaking into pieces like shattered glass, giving way to a purple vortex that threatened to tear their very universe apart.

            Loki crossed his arms as he looked up at the imploding universe above him. In just a few days, he found you, fell in love with you, and convinced you to stay with him forever only to just lose you because of the arrogance of one man. He hadn’t even told you that he loved you. Their world deserved to burn for their crimes against you.

            “What is going on, Strange?! How do we stop this?!” Steve cried out, the rest of the team looking equally shocked and terrified.

            “We are supposed to protect the universe, Strange, not break it. Fix this, now!” Tony sneered, tapping his chest, and summoning his Iron Man suit to morph around his body.

            Strange looked up at the sky, more and more cracks appearing as the world unraveled in front of them. He looked…. surprised. Genuinely surprised.

            “I was wrong.” He simply said.

            Natasha stepped right up to him with the same frantic expression as the rest of the team, “What do you mean, you were wrong?!”

            Strange looked to Loki who still looked up at the sky, a pleased look on his face as tears started to roll down his cheeks, “She belonged here. She always did. I brought her back to her universe to prevent an incursion…” Strange sighed, looking back towards the window, “but sending her back caused it. Our universes are crashing into each other.”

            “Can’t you use the Time Stone? Go back and undo the spell?” Natasha pressed.

            “Not with an incursion. The damage to the universe is too great…” Strange swallowed thickly, tears pricking his own eyes as the fate of the world was sealed, “The only way to stop this is to bring her back, but once this spell is cast…there is no undoing it.”

              “But there is a way.”

            The sound of his mother’s voice caused Loki to whip his head around. There, next to Thor, was his mother’s Frigga who looked calm as can be. Even during the end of the world. She had always been a source of calm to the princes, and now was no difference. Loki crossed the room in quick strides to stand in front of the infamous Asgardian witch, his adoptive mother.

            “Tell me how.”

--------------------

Unicorns 🦄:

@theawkwardavenger @nonsensicalobsessions @purplekitten30 @lostgreekgod @roguemetalmaster13 @huntress-artemiss @midnights-ramblings @xorpsbane @ravenmailey @vbecker10 @lazulifoster @winterfrostsarmy @ada17h @lokisprettygirl22 @theaudacitytowrite @lokis-little-love @themorningsunshine @strawberry-canyon @howdidurhammergrowchris @michelleleewise @80strashbag @roseeatta @asgardianprincess1050 @jaspearl31 @ozymdias @vickie5446

#loki x you #loki fanfic #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki #loki fic #loki x female reader #loki fluff #loki laufeyson x reader #loki fluffy drabble #loki fanfiction #loki laufeyson #loki angst #loki laufeyson fluff #loki laufeyson smut #loki laufeyson x y/n #loki laufeyson x you #loki odinson x reader #loki smut

[marooosa]

want it, need it

Prompt: The one where Austin is a vampire and has a request

Warnings: Mentions of Blood, sexual content, not proofread 

A/N: I couldn’t get this idea out of my head! Shy vampire Austin is all i’ll ever need, please enjoy! 

You were unsure of the idea initially.

Well, not totally, you had absolutely fantasized over the thought of him running those fangs down your neck, down your collar, your chest, all the way to your thighs… 

But you hadn’t really considered what it would feel like for him to sink those sharp teeth into you, to feed off of you.

Austin hadn’t drank human blood in years, it being too difficult and unsustainable to find (and attack) someone each week. He was never truly violent, never drank enough to kill, but the blood from strangers was always… off. It wasn’t necessarily bitter, but it certainly wasn’t sweet, and the metallic tang of iron sometimes left his mouth sour. 

Which leads you to the conversation you had while eating dinner together (Austin could eat, it just provided nothing for him) several nights ago. 

“Honey, uh, can I ask you somethin’?” He asked, voice wavering just enough for you to perk up, meeting his eyes, “Of course, what’s on your mind?” you replied, certainly not expecting his reply. 

“I-I know we’ve never really talked about this, but, uh,” he trailed off, clearly nervous, “how would you feel if I tried, uh, feedin’ off of you sometime?” 

Your cheeks flushed, “Um? I haven’t-” 

“I mean, uh, like just to try it, you know, it could just be a one time thing?” he stammered out, cutting you off. His eyes roamed down to his plate, but returned to yours after a beat of silence. 

You had never seen him this nervous before, but you could understand his anxiety, feeding must be an intimate experience for him (it certainly seemed intimate to you), “I haven’t really thought of it, Aus,” you paused, setting your fork onto your plate, “do… Do you think it would hurt?” 

“Well, uh, I haven’t done it in a long time, but some people say it feels good?” he continues, “I mean, I’m sure it’ll sting a little bit initially… but,” 

You silence him, putting your hand atop his, “I’ll think about it, okay? Can I consider it for a little bit? Maybe read up on it?” He smiles at this, bringing your joint hands up to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly… 

And now, you’re sitting up against the headboard of your shared bed, book in hand, while you wait for Austin to return from the grocery store.

You had given the whole feeding thing some more thought, reading in a few online forums that some people really liked the sensation. You read also, though, that the feeling was so overwhelming that it was extremely easy to get carried away, and you had to be sure to be careful. 

The idea of it excited you, it felt… personal, and you were ready to experience another side of him. 

Returning to your book, the clock reads a quarter till eight when your front door opens, 

“Babe, I’m back!” you hear him shout, as well as the sound of him quickly putting the few groceries away. You call out to him, letting him know where you are, and he strides into your bedroom less than a minute later. 

“Hey, darlin’,” he says, leaning down to kiss your forehead before he walks to your closet, removing his shirt and changing into sweatpants. You avert your eyes from your page, looking at something much more interesting. The muscles in his back shift as he changes, and you can’t hold back from looking him up and down, even though you know he’s caught you staring, knowing the feeling of your eyes on him all too well. 

“Like what you see?” he laughs, approaching your side of the bed until he’s less than a foot away. You set your book down on your nightstand, hands reaching out to toy with the strings of his pants, you pull him closer, “I do,” you say quietly, right hand tracing the line of his hips slowly. 

He moves from this, sitting on the edge of the bed, hands now cupping your face, “What’s gotten into you? Read something you liked a little too much?” He teases, thumb moving along your cheekbone. 

You’re not sure if it’s the sight of his bare chest or his perfect hair or if it’s the idea of him sinking those teeth into you, that causes you to speak breathily, “Mm, no, I’m just looking at something I really want.” 

His eyes widen at this before moving to capture your lips with his own, pulling you into him tightly. Your hands find his hair, fingers lightly tugging at his locks the way you know he loves. 

He’s spurred on by this, laying atop you and effectively trapping you in with his weight before kissing you so much deeper, one hand roaming down your body, grasping your hips up to meet his own. You kiss passionately, moaning into each other’s mouths for what seems like seconds before he pulls away, lips attaching themselves to your jaw, kissing down your neck the same way you had fantasized about hours before. 

“Oh fuck,” you whine loudly, unable to stop your next stream of words, “Aus, baby, please, please bite me-” 

He freezes, and you feel him grow impossibly harder atop you, “I-I.. are you sure?” he looks at you hungrily, pupils blown wide at the idea. 

You wrap a hand around his neck, pulling him down to whine right into his ear,  “Want it so bad, baby, need you to sink those teeth in me,” you pause to kiss his jaw before pulling away, looking directly into those gorgeous blue eyes and feeling emboldened, “want you to fuck me while you do it… Can you do that for me? Make me cum while you feed from me?” 

Part 2? Thank you for reading! 

#austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler smut #vampires #smut #this is filthy at the end

[starseneyes]

Romitri - Rose / Dimitri - Vampire Academy - Season 1 - Ep 9

Welcome to my Meta for episode 9 of Season 1 of Vampire Academy on Peacock! If you’d like to catch up:

Episodes 1-5 Meta

Episode 6 Meta

Episode 7 Meta

Episode 8 Meta

SPOILER ALERT: I will spoil absolutely everything. So, reader beware. I haven’t yet read the books, so feel free to fill in the blanks, if you like! Can’t believe we’re already here, near the end.

Time to dive in!

Darkness

Haven’t we all faced some inner darkness at some time or another? Something that has clung to us with such steadfastness that we believed it must be an exterior force clinging to our goodness, robbing us of who we are. This episode is a study in the many facets of darkness... darkness that can come out of corruption, darkness that can come when night falls, darkness that arises from our choices, and darkness that becomes all that’s left when we deplete the light.

If I wrote Metas for the whole episodes, we’d be here for hours discussing... but this is a Romitri Meta... and it’s still going to be bloody long. So, grab your favorite fangtastic popcorn and drink (spirited or not), and let’s have fun!

Rose and Mason Embrace Their Future

Uhhh, Rachel? I think you forgot what this Meta is about... two sentences into it.

No. I didn’t forget. But, I think this is important. I’ve seen people saying, “It’s not the Rose and Dimitri show... this is Rose’s show. Abso-friggin-lutely. Rose and Lissa’s relationship is truly the heart of the show. And I don’t think we can properly discuss what happens between Dimitri and Rose this episode without taking into account the Mason factor. Like it or not, he’s a part of this.

Mason is caught up in the euphoria of the woman he loves choosing him. Yes, that’s what he sees. That’s what he thinks is going on, here, because we know he was aware of Dimitri and Rose. He saw it first-hand during the Benchmarks. He saw it outside the pub. He saw it when Rose and Dimitri trained together.

He’s not completely oblivious, but, at the same time, he doesn’t realize how deep Rose and Dimitri go. It’s soulmate stuff.

But, right now he and Rose are fantasizing about what they are going to do in the human world. And Rose is truly, truly feeling happy. But not because she chose Mason... because she chose herself.

That’s right. Rose Hathaway chose Rose. Dimitri isn’t even a choice in her mind, anymore. She’s released the belief that he will ever “come to [his] senses”. Rose is moving on because she has accepted that the path she truly wants is closed to her.

And it’s more than just moving on from Dimitri. She’s also looking to move on from Lissa. Lissa’s breakup with her shook her up. Follow that up with Dimitri’s words about Rose’s unusual upbringing, enveloped in the love of a Moroi family... and Rose is as lost as Dimitri.

But, we’ll get to that later.

While Rose is in the throws of euphoria, Dimitri is unknowingly facing down the long walk (but short fall) to the depths of hopelessness. The “choices” they made are coming back around.

Dimitri is Arrested for Treason

Refresher: Rose made an insane choice and told Sasha Tanner to run. Not saying she was wrong, but in Dimitri’s eyes this was the stupidest choice... to choose to aid and abet someone going AWOL... to choose Treason.

But, he chose Rose... and that’s landed him here, in hot water.

“Guardian Belikov, the punishment for treason is very serious.”

Duh. Like, none of us think the punishment for treason is a lollipop and a stern warning. It’s f*cking treason, you dolt. Dimitri, with his spotless record isn’t going to enter into it lightly.

Alberta enters, and she looks right at Dimitri. Like, “You, f*cker. What the f*ck did you two do?” Behind her is Rose, and her eyes lock onto Dimitri as fast as his lock on hers.

They likely haven’t spoken since the Ring... have avoided one another. He’s been healing, so we know it’s been a few weeks since he no longer sports the black eye. But with that one look, we know they are united. They won’t give each other away, if they can.

But Dimitri’s report is damning. He was the Head Command on this mission. He already knows he’s f*cked.

“I stand by my statement.”

Because there is no other option for Dimitri Belikov. He made this choice to cover for Rose back then, and he can’t go back on it, now. He will always choose Rose.

“I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Because they both know he’s f*cked. Dimitri even nods at that. Yes, he knows what he’s doing. He’s doing what he convinced himself he wouldn’t do—choosing love over duty.

Now, he doesn’t know that they have Sasha... but he knows they know something, and even that suspicion is enough to screw him. And he knows it.

And he makes the choice anyway. Look, I know a lot of us have a sour feeling in our stomach because our boy ending the last episode macking on snake venom in a human skin. He’s a lost boy, unsure of who he is anymore. But one thing he knows in his heart despite his head railing against it—he loves Rose Hathaway. No way in hell he’s letting anything happen to her if he can help it.

Dimitri’s Apartment

I love this glimpse into his life. Having his own apartment, he’s afforded more space and privacy than the Novices collected in their co-ed dorm.

We open on a stack of books. Biographies, as Dimitri will later identify, of humans. He describes it as his way of seeing the world, later, but I suspect it’s also his way of being someone else. He can’t embrace the idea of choice, as Rose can, but reading of another’s life and choices allows him to imagine in a way that he’d never allow himself outside of the sound of turning pages and the weight of the book in his hand.

Books are so often an escape for those of us who grew up in trauma. You can open a book, tune out the world, and disappear. I think it’s telling of Dimitri’s personality that he disappears into others’ lives. Perhaps secretly wishing his was filled with more of those choices he doesn’t believe he has.

The bed is impeccably made, another stack of books at the end of it. There’s a sense of scarcity to this room, Swedish Ladders lining one wall, candles and religious relics filling the window space. A mat on the floor for meditation. There’s so much white space in here, void of anything that isn’t necessary—save the books.

These books are Dimitri’s quiet rebellion. They’re scattered. They’re stacked imperfectly. They aren’t organized by author or alphabet. They’re the pieces of himself that yearn to break out of the shell of conformity.

But he’s not reading when there’s a knock at the door. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor, meditating. He knows what’s coming.

He even warned Rose, “Do you have any idea what they’ll do to her if they find her? What they’ll do to you if they find out that you helped?” “I don’t care,” she had said. She didn’t. She didn’t care what happened to her.

But she cares what happens to him.

That’s why, despite her plans to leave, she shows up at his door.

He opens the door, and as soon as she sees him, she sighs, full of relief. He matches her sigh with one of his own. They didn’t know what had happened to the other after that moment of eye contact. Rose looks around her, and Dimitri wordlessly opens the door for her to enter while simultaneously looking for anyone watching.

And this effortless rhythm is so indicative of the bond between Dimitri and Rose. Fractured as they’ve been since the breakup, they are still completely in sync when they want to be. Neither had to utter a word for the other to know how they each felt, what they needed to do, and how to follow through.

Yes, they’ve trained together so they can make those choices in combat. But, this isn’t combat. This is a dance. It’s a painful, slow, heartbreaking dance. But no less beautiful.

The door closes, and Rose fills the silence with her ownership of the situation. This is important.

Remember back in the early episodes when Rose faced the consequences for taking Lissa outside the Wards? Dimitri tried to offer her support, but then felt she wasn’t taking it seriously. He asserted how people need to take ownership of their choices.

“I’m the one that helped Sasha escape.” “Sasha chose this. It’s not on you.”

While technically true, I don’t think early Season 1 Dimitri would have taken the same attitude. Yes, Sasha chose her path. But, Dimitri, my dear, you chose yours to protect your Roza.

Their initial conversation done, Rose finally takes in the fact that Dimitri is deliciously shirtless. But it’s so awkward, now. Dimitri wasn’t thinking about it, either, but with the lull in the conversation, he moves to put on a hoodie.

And all the Dimitri fan-folk collectively groan and throw things at the screen.

Look, I may be a Demi who spends my time wondering how hard it’s going to be for the makeup team to cover Kieron Moore’s new butterfly tattoo if/when we get S2, but I understand that there are people out there drooling over this moment.

Even Rose in her, “I’m running away to start a new life with Mason” state of mind can’t help but think, “DAYUM!”

And, I find it fascinating that Rose is in her full gear... Hair in a bun. Wearing her uniform. Boots.

While Dimitri is stripped bare of that (oh, yeah he is!). *ahem* Dimitri is barefoot. He didn’t even have on a shirt until Rose walked in the room.

All the bravado he’s carried with him, the badges he’s worn and the pride he’s taken in his role as a Guardian has been stripped, and he knows it. He’s more vulnerable than he’s been since the boat.

But Rose is focused on the task at hand.

“What’s going to happen to her?” “It’s in the hands of HQ, now. Nothing either of us can do.” “And that?” “A tracker. It’s nothing. Just due process and safeguards.”

No. It’s. Not. Look, all y’all people who are still pissed at our boy... He is now doing exactly what Rose did for Lissa back in episode 2 when Rose hid her Tribunal from Lissa to protect her... to choose her first. Dimitri is choosing Rose.

He’s not going to tell her about his troubles because he wants to protect her. He separated from her, and he hurt her, and he knows her. If she knows that he’s facing something, she’ll want to face it with him. Because much as they are both hurting, they still trust one another. They still know one another.

“I’ll be fine once all this blows over.” “HQ doesn’t let things blow over.” “The Dominion needs all the Guardians it has right now. I’m not entirely without value.”

There he is with his perceptions of “Value”, again. Remember Dimitri had requested to be moved to another province because he believed his value at St Vladimir’s to be compromised. But, it’s a very well thought-out lie. Rose knows as much as he does how dire it is—that people like Tatiana want to put teenagers out in the field... that non-Royals have had their Guardians taken.

What he doesn’t expect is her sly smile and response.

“If that was a brag, you need to step up your game, Comrade.”

It’s the first small smile she’s offered him since she walked in. But it puts him at ease. This is the same smile she wore on the boat as they shared a few moments of peace and contentment in their love before the whole thing went to sh*t.

But, also, it’s the return of one of her nicknames for him. The first time it was said, it was in friendly competition (with a touch of flirting). The second time, in anger in the Ring. This time, she’s said with affection and familiarity. He can’t help but smile back... that same smile from the boat.

It’s as though they’re both toeing the line between this present moment and the memory of who they are mixed with the potential of what they could have been. It hurts but in a bittersweet way that almost makes you forget the pain.

“Hard to brag to the woman who gave me a black eye.” “Sorry about that.”

And she means more than “Sorry about your eye”. She’s sorry about the whole thing. Rose was hurting, and angry, and out of control. And she knows it. She lost control, and she can’t even blame the darkness for any of it. Rose Hathaway won the fight, yes, but she lost a piece of herself in the moments after when she continued to pound a downed man.

But Dimitri’s already forgiven her. He will forgive her anything. He can’t help it. He’s that much in love with her.

“Forget it, Roza.”

It slips out, the dagger stabbing into them both simultaneously. Dimitri relaxed too much into the moment and let it slip. He let it slide. And Rose realizes the moment she hears it just how much she still loves him, even though she wishes she didn’t. It would be so much easier if she didn’t love him.

But as one of my favorite ships, Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls remarked, they don’t write songs and stories about the easy loves.

Part of what makes this scene hurt so much is that they both believe this is the last time they’ll see one another... but for different reasons. From Dimitri’s perspective, he wants Rose to go on to lead a beautiful life, not get tangled up in this mess by fighting for him somehow. Because, he knows she will. He knows that if she thinks she can help, she’s going to.

That’s why he was so strategic to tell her that Sasha was out of their reach, that they could do nothing to help. He is doing everything he can to set Rose up for a beautiful life... without him.

And Rose Hathaway is here to say goodbye because she believes Dimitri is a non-choice for her, and she needs to live her own life. She needs to figure out who she is outside of who she’s been.

Side Note: I talk a lot about relating to Dimitri’s trauma. But I also relate to Rose in this moment. See, both of them are struggling with personal identity outside of what they’ve known up to this point. The difference is that Rose is handling it more like I did, when I first starting figuring out who I was.

I limited my ties with my past. I tried new things that I’d never done before. I got outside of what I was “supposed” to be and started to see my life from a new perspective.

Co-dependency is a hell of a drug. I was raised with the expectation that I would be codependent. But... that’s not who I am, and as soon as I got out of the house and into college, I slowly started to see that who I was wasn’t defined by who mothered me. I could choose my own path. I could choose to be who I wanted to be. Now, my mother and I have a much better relationship, now, but it took a lot of years of tough talks and work.

Rose and Lissa are co-dependent and have been for a long time. They’ve both realized it in different ways, and so Rose is going to try to figure out who she is. And I fully support her. And so does Lissa.

Lissa even tells Rose that she’ll be back (yes, I know I’m skipping... I’ll get back to it in a second). Lissa knows that Rose needs to figure out who she is. And I think that’s important.

It’s important for Rose not to let herself be defined by Dimitri or Lissa or anyone else. Rose needs to embrace who Rose is, then add in what she wants and take out what she doesn’t.

Back to the Scene: Rose needed to know that Dimitri was okay before she left. Because, much as he knows she’d do anything to help him, Rose knows it herself. But, he seems okay. She can finally say goodbye.

But him saying, “Roza” sends her spiraling. You can see her searching the room around her for something else to focus on. Her eyes land on the books, and you can see the wheels turning.

“Are all these about-” “Humans.”

Rose went out into the Human world with Dimitri, once. It was the happiest they’d ever been. But she never would have imagined that he had an interest in that world the same that she did. They never really had the opportunity to discuss it, and it hurts anew that he chose to sever things between them after they’d experienced such a world together.

She’s planning on heading back out into that world... without him.

“Biographies—my way of seeing the world.”

F*ck. That hurts. Because she wanted to show him the world, but he pulled away. And now she is going to see the world, but without him by her side.

Rose looks for something else to focus on, and her eyes land on the religious relics. Her voice fails her. She can’t think of what to say as she looks at the flickering flames, remembering his steadfast dedication to his religion. He chose that over me. He chose that over me.

It’s the drumbeat in her head. And it hurts.

“Having a staring contest with the air, are we?”

It goes back to the beginning. Not their first interaction, but close enough. They share a smile, an earnest one. Oh, how far we’ve come.

But Rose loses the smile and a quiet sadness overtakes her. Oh, look how far we’ve fallen.

Rose walks over to him, head down, mustering the courage to tell him goodbye. But somewhere between their exchanged looks at one another’s lips and eyes... she loses courage.

It reminds me so much of their first kiss... the charge that ran through and between them that sent the air crackling with tension. They still have that same spark. But this time, Rose isn’t closing the distance. Rose is saying goodbye.

“I guess I’ll see you around, then.” “Yeah. See you around.”

In their own Lois / Superman interaction (think Superman Returns), these two are talking about the issue. Both of them are keeping something from the other, and the other knows it. Both of them are speaking in circles, and the other knows it.

But they both also know that those dams need to remain in place, right now. For so many reasons.

But as both utters their phrase, it’s a goodbye.

“Goodbye, Dimitri. I’m leaving forever. But it’s okay because I know even if we’re not together, you’re going to be okay.”

“Goodbye, Rose. I’m leaving forever. But it’s okay because I know even if we’re not together, you’re going to be okay.”

These two f*cking piss me off. Because if either of them actually communicated, it’d be a whole different story. But, we love them because they are flawed people making flawed choices in an effort to protect one another. If they did everything perfectly, there’d be no conflict.

We’d all switch off the tele (or laptop) quicker than you can say, “World’s Shortest Forbidden Love Story (but still better than Romeo & Juliet)”.

Rose breaks the eye contact and connection, but Dimitri remains rooted in place. It’s so symbolic of where they are and where they’re going. Like last episode, Dimitri is digging in while Rose is running away.

Rose walks to the door, but she looks back at him, offering a modified salute to him, almost with a smile. And I honestly can’t remember if she ever saluted him before. But, it’s bittersweet, the way that she smiles softly at him with the salute.

But my favorite part is how she watches him the whole time she closes the door. Rose doesn’t turn her back to him and pull the door closed behind her. She backs out, watching him as she goes. She’s memorizing him, spending those last few seconds looking at him... but also symbolically showing us how hard it is for her to walk away. She can’t turn around... not until he’s completely out of sight.

Because Rose would stay if she knew he needed help. And he knows it.

As she exits, he offers his own half-hearted salute, but then takes the fingertips that touched his heart to brush his lips in a goodbye kiss.

Goodbye to the love of his life. Goodbye to his one exception. Goodbye to the life they could have had. Goodbye to the moments they shared. Goodbye to the chance to watch her live from afar.

Dimitri knows the fate that awaits him, but it’s a little easier knowing Rose Hathaway will get away with it—that Rose Hathaway still has the chance to build the life of her dreams.

Meredith Tries to Talk Sense to Mason

We’ve seen these two palling around a lot the whole season. Two good friends. But, the best of friends often have tough talks, and this is one of them.

“We’ll be okay.” “We? Anyone with eyes can see how she feels about Dimitri.”

My husband and I started dating in college, and he once told me that before me, he didn’t notice the buildup of romantic relationships in shows before. But, being around it more (and being in love for the first time *ahem*), he saw it more.

I think Meredith is falling for Mia, and as she is, she’s more and more aware of how others feel about one another. Not that poor Mason was every subtle (he’s more a “neon glowing light” kind of lover), but I think Meredith’s definitely more tuned-in to Rose these days because they both are in the midst of forbidden love affairs.

For Meredith, it’s Mia. For Rose, it’s Dimitri. They’re both pining for people they can’t have.

“She asked me to go with her. Rose is with me, now.”

As we say in the South, “Oh, Mason, you sweet summer child. Bless your heart.”

The kid’s gone. And he’s clinging to anything that gives him the shred of hope that Rose might feel the same way about him as he does about her.

There’s a hitch in his voice between “is” and “with”, as if he’s trying to speak something into being, to will it to be so.

“Then why did I just see her coming out of his apartment?” “Sweet.”

See, this is why I don’t think Mason is “oblivious” as some people have said. I think he’s aware that there’s something going on there, but he legitimately thinks he’s won.

And here comes Meredith with another reminder of Rose running off to Dimitri.

But she chose me. We’re running away together.

He wants to believe it so bad that he’s tuning out the truth.

“You deserve someone who loves you. The way you feel about Rose, that is how she feels about Dimitri. She can’t help that any more than you can. I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to face the truth.”

Meredith hits it on the nail, here. (Did I mention she’s my favorite Novice besides Rose? Because she bloody is). Rose loves Dimitri. She can’t help it. She can run away from it. She can pretend around it. But she can’t purge it. He’s not a drug in her system. He’s a piece of her soul as much as she’s a piece of his. And it’s a lot harder to lop off part of your soul.

And poor, poor Mason. Instead of listening to his friend, he goes on the offensive, attacking her, tearing into her, trying to one-up her.

Mason’s raw and he’s angry, but Meredith finds a way to stay calm, in spite of that.

“Rose doesn’t love you.”

And there are tears in Mason’s eyes... because deep down... he knows that. He really does. But he’s ignoring his head as much as Dimitri has been trying to ignore his heart.

Mason walks away from his best friend... the last words he thinks the two will ever exchange.

And, yes, I do want Mason to find love and joy, someday (if he doesn’t die in the finale). But, we all know it’s not going to be with Rose Hathaway.

“... are you lying? Are you covering for another Guardian? Or both?”

That’s all it takes for Alberta to connect the dots. “Is Rose Hathaway going to be a problem?” It was Dimitri himself who once asked that of Alberta. Dimitri feels her glare, and his eyes find hers. He glances away, quickly.

He knows she knows. Now, Alberta can speak up and try to lessen Dimitri’s sentence, or to try to carry out “true justice”. But she doesn’t. In this moment, Alberta makes her own choice—not to intervene.

“I was the Commanding Officer. I was responsible for the veracity of the information I relayed. Any gap between my report and the truth rests solely on me, as should the punishment for giving false information.”

Dimitri. Chose. Rose.

Dimitri will always choose Rose.

“Though I wonder at your prioritizing punishing a Guardian during a time of Civil Unrest.”

Sh*t, your girl’s been rubbing off on you, Guardian Belikov!

But, it’s an incredible sign of growth for Dimitri “Good Soldier” Belikov questioning what’s going on. He’s so used to following orders, to following commands, to doing what he’s told.

But for one bright, fleeting moment, Dimitri Belikov questioned the establishment without questioning who he is... and I’m so proud of him.

“You’ll be taken to the dungeons before you are sentenced by the Queen.”

Alberta is aghast. She didn’t expect that. I think they’re all surprised that such a harsh punishment is being dolled out to someone who has such a spotless record. And she’s the only one who knows the truth—he did it for Rose.

This may be the truest representation of love she has ever seen. Damphirs are subservient to the Moroi, especially the Royals. Guardians have the elevated task of protecting the Moroi with their very lives. Most marriages within the Court are arrangements born out of the quest for power or status. Amongst Damphirs, romance and love are not permitted or expected. Sex, sure. Love? No.

But Alberta just witnessed Dimitri give up his very life for the sake of the woman he loved. She’s come face-to-face with it for the first time, probably in her life. And she can never shake its impact.

If she survives, of course.

Too soon? Yeah, probably too soon. Anyway...

Mason Goes to See Dimitri

I’ve looked at this from several different angles, because there are a lot of thoughts out there regarding this scene. Honestly, I think it’s Mason trying to reassure himself of what he believes by counting Dimitri out. He wants to look Dimitri in the eyes, tell him that he’s got the girl, and move on feeling that sense of victory that he so badly needs to validate him right now.

And, like Meredith said, he deserves to be with someone who loves him, and he shouldn’t let his relationship with Rose define him so much. He’s got a lot to offer, and I can only hope he discovers it before it’s too late.

Look, I’m not saying he’s a-goner, but book readers say he’s a-goner, so it’s very possible Rose’s favorite puppy dog is a-goner.

Mason gets Dimitri to himself, partly because he can’t possible let anyone else know about his plans, but also because he wants to focus on this moment.  It’s not vindictive. He doesn’t hate Dimitri. But he hates that Rose loves Dimitri.

“I wanted to tell you... Rose and I are leaving.”

Watch. Dimitri’s. Face.

There are about a thousand things to compute in a matter of seconds. “Rose is running off with Mason.” “Rose is getting out, good for her.” “Rose is going to be happy.” “I truly know for a fact that she will have a good life.” “This makes my sacrifice worth it.” “This is why Rose acted weird.” “I knew she was hiding something.” “That’s why she reacted when I talked about seeing the world.” “Rose is going to see the world... with Mason.” “Mason knows about me and Rose.” “Mason’s going to be with Rose and I’m not.” “Mason made a special trip to tell me.” “Little f*cker’s got no idea what he’s messing with.”

That last one’s important. Not because Dimitri is vindictive... but because Dimitri knows what he and Rose have and why they aren’t together. Mason doesn’t.

Mason’s still clinging to the idea that Rose “chose” him.

“That explains it.”

There’s a small smile on his words. But it’s that same heartbroken one he used talking about Alexei, the one he used talking about the darkness within him... now it’s also attached to the sadness he feels about losing Rose... because he does feel it.

“I thought maybe it’d help if you know that she’ll be okay.”

D*ck move, Mason.

Okay, look, I believe he’s truly not trying to be a little sh*t. But, he’s justifying why he’s doing it, when he is really doing it to try to assure himself of the reality to which he’s clinging.

And, I get it. Last episode I wanted to pour hot lava on Dimitri’s libido for daring to neck with Lady Evil Von Psycho. So, I’ll get over my annoyance with Mason, but I’m frustrated with him. I’m allowed!

“I wish you the best. Rose is meant for greater things, and she deserves to be safe. And happy.” “She does.”

Right there. That’s where you see that shift. Mason is puffing out his chest on that, “She does”, like, “and I’m the man to do it!”

But Dimitri picks up on that right quick, and it’s his turn to lean in.

“Never tell her what’s about to happen to me. If she knows, she won’t leave.”

And now Mason knows where he stands.

Yes, Rose is going off with Mason, but because she doesn’t think Dimitri is a choice, and Rose is choosing Rose. She’s chosen Mason as a companion because she wants to go with someone easy. She doesn’t have to convince Mason. She doesn’t have to push or draw him out. Mason’s this sweet, loving puppy trailing after Rose. And that’s what she’s looking for right now—easy.

But her heart will always tug her back to Dimitri. As his tugs him back to Rose.

He could have given her up at any point in this process, but he never did. Heck, he could be vindictive now and announce Mason’s plans and get him thrown in the dungeon with him. But he doesn’t. Dimitri chooses Rose over and over.

And if Rose thought there was a choice to be made... she would choose Dimitri every time, too.

Dimitri’s speaking facts, here, but he’s also spitting in the face of this validation that Mason was seeking. Mason didn’t “win” anything, here. If there ever was a contest, it wouldn’t be a contest. It couldn’t be a contest, because Dimitri and Rose’s love is true, and they will always choose each other.

“Let’s go.”

Dimitri is done. Much as he wants Rose to be happy and content, he doesn’t need Mason throwing sh*t in his face right as he’s going down. The Guards return to their positions while a gutted Mason watches Dimitri.

“Fuck you, Dimitri. Fuck you.”

Dimitri barely pauses as Mason holds back the tears. Because, much as Meredith tried to break though, Dimitri did. Deep within, Mason knows it’s true... if she knew what was happening to Dimitri, she’d never leave.

“I’m leaving... For so long, all I thought of was being your Guardian, and that was enough. But now, after everything, I need to figure out who I am outside of all of that... And outside of you.”

Rose is taking a huge leap, here. Do I wish she was doing it alone? Sure. But that’d be a lonely journey. Taking Mason with her gives her someone steadfast and loyal (gosh, I really am describing a puppy...) who she can count on.

Growing up with one version of yourself in your head is so hard... especially when you hit a point and realize you have no f*cking idea who you really are because you’ve informed every decision based on who you thought you were. That’s where Rose is. Rose has realized that she informed all of her decisions on being Lissa’s Guardian.

Being forced outside that mindset is what helped bring her here... that and losing so much. She lost Mikhail. She lost her great love. She lost so much of herself in the process.

But who the hell is she? We’ve seen it, sure. She’s headstrong and fierce. She’s intelligent and foolhardy. She makes quick, gut decisions, and she commits. She asks tough questions, and she acts without considering the consequences if she thinks it’s right.

But it’s all been measured against what kind of Guardian she could be. Rose needs to figure out who she is without all the measurements and comparisons... when she’s just... Rose.

Much as I doubt she and Mason will make it far (hello, STRIGOI attack!), I wish we could see Rose go on that journey of self-exploration. I’ve been there, and tough as it is, it’s marvelous.

And, yes, I had a man in my life at the time, too.... and one I was breaking up with. Gosh, it’s a long story, but essentially I took time off to figure out who I was without a man and without the influences of my childhood. And on the other side of that, I found the man I married 15 years ago waiting for me... patiently waiting as I worked on myself.

Golly, I love that man.

So, Rose, go figure out who you are. It’s so freakin’ healthy.

“So... um... just you? Or...” “I’m going with Mason.”

Lissa still has no idea what’s gone down between Dimitri and Rose. And as Rose says, “Mason”, there is no absolute joy or excitement. It’s a statement. It’s what it is. Lissa takes in that information, because she liked Rose with Dimitri. But, she’ll always support her bestie.

“Stop it. He’s a good guy.”

And that is so freakin’ telling. He’s a good guy... Not, “I love him.” Because, she doesn’t... not like that. But, he is a good guy.

“You’re being weird.”

She can’t read him. She doesn’t know him at a glance. She never pegs what’s going on with him. But Mason has felt the full impact of Dimitri’s words and is choosing to ignore them wholeheartedly. This is what he wants, and he’s going to hold onto the fantasy as long as he can... hopefully forever.

But as they’re walking off, his arm around her, she can’t help but look back.

What is she looking for? Is she hoping to see Dimitri there, watching her, giving her a reason to stay? Is she hoping he’d run after them? We don’t know.

But for that very small second, she isn’t looking forward on the adventure. She’s looking back, just as she did when she exited Dimitri’s apartment.

Dimitri Trapped and Unable to Help

The camera movement is eerily similar to Dimitri praying in the Church during Near Guard, Far Guard. He’s not praying this time, but he is feeling fuck*ng helpless... moreso when the alarms blare.

Rose and Mason drive off

The music line strikes me so hard, “I can take the pain”. That’s what they play as Rose smiles to herself, then her smile diminishes a little. Because she knows that she’s leaving a part of her soul behind.

She just doesn’t know how bad it truly is.

As always, thanks for reading. Next week’s going to be insane, and we’re all going to lose our minds. But, I’m ready for the fun. Enjoy our last week of Daniela Nieves torturing us with out-of-context clues, VA Jail locking up cast and fans alike, and our favorite Vampire Academy cast and crew crushing it.

Bonne nuit. Buenas noches. Goodnight.

#Vampire Academy #Vampire Academy Peacock #Sisi Stringer #Kieron Moore #Rose x Dimitri #Dimitri x Rose #Romitri #Romitri Meta

[rinbowaman]

I have to ask but you don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable I’m just so curious especially after reading anon asks from over a year ago asking TMI questions about heethan and heelel but do you fantasize about your own characters? Because the way you write smut is so descriptive and the details are on point and brings out the most intense feelings it’s almost like you’re describing it from personal experience but then I read the one ask where you answered that you were or are a virgin. Again I’m sorry if it’s too personal I’m just obsessed with your work and am so curious on how you are able to write it out so good.

No need to apologize anon, I am okay in being transparent so long as my identity is sealed lol. Part of the reason why I can’t do a face reveal bc I wouldn’t be as open. I actually like it when people get curious as to how I come up with my stories, the inspiration, meaning, and my personal thoughts on them.

To start off, yes, I am (still) a virgin lol. Which is why my mind is so filthy (virgin minds really are the dirtiest I am convinced). It’s all we have, since we haven’t had the real thing. Now, allow me to clarify and it s about to get real personal but again, my face isn’t out here and I have no social media so I’m going to give you guys a tiny bit of tmi without being too detailed about it.

So…I do have some toys, one of these toys kind of gives me an idea of what an actual male penis looks like, which helps me write out the smut scene vividly. and yes, asmodeus is partially based off of yours truly bc I have some toys and i chose asmodeus to be my persona in the story lol.

Now, as far as fantasizing my male leads…I haven’t gone out of my way to think of them like that (despite writing out their smut scenes) but Idk if it’s bc I never put myself as the y/n or use myself as inspiration for the y/n, but I really never went out of my way to visualize them in that manner. However, there has been a handful of times where some of the heeleads crept into my dreams on separate occasions (Heethan, heelel and heedam) and some of these dreams were somewhat passionate and oddly enough, viewed in third person. It never went anything further than that. Lol. I guess you can say half of it is research, the other half is luck in being gifted to wording smut so vividly.

[weirdkpopgirl]

Connection | Jisung Fic #1 (p.t 1)

Title: Connection

Genre: Soulmate AU

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1793k

Author’s Note: Hi guys, this was requested by a lovely anon. I haven’t written a soulmate au in a few years, so I apologize if this one is kinda bad. There are so many types of soulmates, but I decided to just come up with my own thing. I hope you guys like it (especially the person who requested lol). There will be a part two if anyone is curious. ^ ^

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Soulmates? Destined love? Those were concepts you hadn’t given too much thought until recently. Supposedly, a person would only know about their soulmate at a certain point in their life. The earliest age was eighteen, but the timing varied for everyone.

How would they know, you may ask? Apparently, one could hear a single thought per day from their soulmate, and vice versa. Then once they met, soulmates could form a strong bond with each other.

Pretty weird, right? Unfortunately, soulmates were rare in this day and age. But that didn’t stop people from fantasizing about them anyway. After all, who didn’t like the idea of one true love?

Your eighteenth birthday had already passed, and there were no signs of a soulmate yet. Not that you expected anything at all. You had other priorities to focus on, like getting through your first year of college.

Then one day you were in your dorm room, pulling an all-nighter to get this research paper done. You sat at your desk, typing away on your laptop quietly, as to not wake up your roommate. It was late at night, and exhaustion was finally starting to seep through your brain. Just as your eyes began to feel heavy, a deep, male voice came out of nowhere.

I’m so hungry. I should ask Hyung if he can make some ramyeon.

Slightly startled, you glanced around. Of course, only you and your roommate were in the room. Why did a guy’s voice randomly appear—that’s when it hit you.

“No—no it can’t be,” You muttered, shaking your head in denial. It was one in the morning, and your lack of sleep was getting to you.

However, you heard the voice again and again as the days passed. Maybe I do have a soulmate, you thought to yourself. How was this even possible?

It took you a while to accept this new fate. Nonetheless, you tried your best to go on with your daily life. But it felt like you were going around with this big secret. Certainly, you hadn’t expected someone like yourself to have a soulmate.

Any consistency of when exactly you heard your soulmate’s thoughts didn’t seem to exist. You would be sitting through a class, or be at work when these instances occurred. What left you confused was that you had no idea of who your soulmate was or how to find him.

All you knew about this person were the random thoughts you heard every day. So far you learned that he liked dancing, playing video games, and listening to music. You had a feeling that he was around your age, possibly a bit older. He often thought about his schedule, which led you to think he must not be in college. But you weren’t sure what kind of job he had.

No matter how you tried to not dwell on it all too much, you couldn’t help but feel insecure. If you were able to hear your soulmate’s thoughts, that meant he was able to hear yours as well. Not that there was anything in particular that you intended to hide. But you were quite an overthinker and the fact that someone else could possibly hear your worries frightened you.

┈┈

Jisung instantly knew his soulmate had been confirmed when he started to hear a girl’s voice in his head. His members may think he was silly, but he had been strangely interested in soulmate bonds for some time. He used to wonder if there truly could be a person out there for him.

Yes, he was young and had his whole career planned out. But sometimes being a k-pop idol could get a little lonely, even though he was in a group with so many members. Jisung longed to have some sort of contact with the outside world, which he seemed to have left once he became a trainee.

So when he discovered his soulmate did indeed exist, Jisung felt both excited and nervous. He was so curious about who you were and what you were like.

“Did you hear anything today?” Jaemin asked him, after dance practice one day. All his members had gathered around him.

The maknae shook his head in response. “Nothing yet.”

“Have you gotten any clues of who she is exactly?” Renjun came over to sit next to him on the couch.

“It’s kinda hard because they come so randomly,” Jisung tried to explain. “And when I do hear them, it’s all so vague.”

Chenle, who stood behind him, leaned forward.“Well, what do you know already?”

Jisung scratched his head, trying to recall. “She seems to study a lot, so she’s probably in school. Oh and she likes going to bookstores or the library in her free time.”

“Ah, so she’s one of those people who actually read for fun,” Haechan joked.

The boy shrugged, “I guess so.”

“Interesting,” Jeno mumbled. “Do you think she knows who you are?”

“I honestly have no idea,” Jisung sighed in slight frustration. “This is all so weird.”

He wished he had more clues about his soulmate. From what he’s heard about her so far, she seemed like a nice person. But the longer time passed, the more discouraged Jisung felt about finding her.

┈┈

“(Y/n)-ah!” A friend approached your table, after entering the library. If you weren’t studying in your dorm, your friends were sure to find you there.

You tore your attention away from your textbook and took one of your earbuds out.

“Oh, Seoyeon-ah.”

“What song were you listening to?” She asked as she sat down in the empty chair beside you.

In response, you tapped on your phone to show her. The song was titled, “Dear DREAM.”

Seoyeon gasped, “I didn’t know you were into NCT Dream too!”

“Well, I only started listening to their music this month,” You chuckled.

Truthfully, you had to thank your soulmate for getting you into the group. Before, the only music you listened to was by smaller Korean artists, not too much k-pop. But one day your soulmate was singing a lyric to a song you haven’t heard before. Conveniently, you had looked it up and actually liked it. As a result, that took you down a whole rabbit hole of learning about the boy group.

“Who’s your bias? Mine is Chenle,” Seoyeon giggled.

You had to think about your friend’s question for a bit. You’ve barely entered the fandom, so you weren’t used to being asked about biases and stuff like that.

“I think I like Park Jisung,” You answered slowly.

Seoyeon’s head tilted slightly, “The maknae? Huh, I thought you’d go for someone like Jeno or Mark.”

“I don’t know,” You shrugged. “I just feel like...there’s this connection?”

“Ooh, does Kim (Y/n) finally have a crush on someone?” Your friend gave you a smug look. “Can’t blame you, Jisung is pretty cute.”

You blushed, wanting to defend yourself. But you weren’t sure what else to say. Glancing back down at your phone, you saw the album that was playing which featured all the members. They were all pretty good-looking, but Jisung just stood out to you for a reason you didn’t know.

Over the past few days, you watched some of their content videos. The guys were so funny and charismatic, that you found yourself laughing along with them at times. You would have to thank your soulmate for getting you into their music if you ever met him. Surely he must also be a fan if one of their songs was playing in his head.

Seoyeon gave you a nudge. “(Y/n)-ah, did you hear me?”

“Sorry, I must’ve been zoning out,” You said with a sheepish smile. “What were you saying?”

“I have two tickets to NCT Dream’s fan meeting next week. We should go together!”

Wow, that sounded like such a great opportunity. But you’ve never been to an event like that before. There would probably be crowds of fans, including screaming girls. You weren’t sure if you were up for that.

“I don’t know. Don’t we have midterms next week?” You crossed your arms.

“Yeah, but the fan meeting is on a Friday. We’d be done with our exams by then,” Seoyeon reasoned. “Come on (Y/n)-ah, you should do something fun instead of studying all day.”

Well if she kept insisting, you didn’t think it would be too bad if you went just once. Seoyeon squealed and hugged you when you finally gave in.

Next week couldn’t come any faster. You were relieved to be over with mid-terms and looked forward to going to see NCT Dream with Seoyeon. Weirdly, you were a bit nervous about going. There was no explanation for it, maybe that’s how most fans felt about meeting their favorite artists.

Luckily, Seoyeon talked most of the way there and told you what to expect. The feeling of being overwhelmed was quick to consume you when you guys entered the venue filled with so many other fans. Seoyeon had gotten pretty decent seats, where you were close to the stage. Just as you were trying to calm your nerves, several screams flooded your ears when the seven boys appeared.

Almost out of what seemed to be instinct, you looked to see your bias. Of course, it didn’t take you too long to find him. You spotted the shy smile he often wore on camera, he was standing beside Jaemin. Unexpectedly, the boy’s smile dropped when he looked at you.

You gasped when you felt a sudden jolt in your heart. It was almost as if you were struck by an arrow or something. Bewildered by this feeling, you placed a hand on your chest. But once the pain started, it quickly faded away.

“Are you okay, (Y/n)-ah?” Seoyeon put her hand on your shoulder.

“I—I’m fine,” You huffed, feeling out of breath even though you hadn’t done anything.

What is going on? Why does my heart feel so weird?

Startled by your soulmate’s thoughts appearing out of nowhere, your eyes scattered among the crowd. Maybe you were in the same place and could feel each other’s presence somehow. But there were mostly girls here and—

A mix of comprehension and fear filled inside of you. Jisung. You started to feel like this immediately after you saw each other.

That was when you dared to look back at him. His right hand was placed on his chest just as you were. He was staring at you intently, with the same look of disbelief.

“No way,” You whispered, so only you could hear. This couldn’t be possible…

Park Jisung was your soulmate?!

◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦∘◦❀◦

part two

#nct #nct dream #jisung #park jisung #nczten #nct dream fluff #nct soulmate au #kpop #soulmate au #czennie #soulmate fic

[pleaselovemeliketrust]

Sooooo…

I never thought I’d be getting married and I never thought I’d be so nervous this was something that I used to want so heavily, I fantasized about living with my husband in a cottage with our kids, my pet baby cow and goat(just because I think they’re fucking adorable) lol and a cat and baking cookies in the morning and making a big breakfast relaxing in each other’s arms.. I wanted this for so long and now that it’s actually happening, I feel scared that it’s gonna get taken away.

I always thought the movies were joking when people used to say that they were scared about getting married to someone that they absolutely truly loved I thought this would never happen in real life….

now I have caught myself biting my tongue because it is in fact true i’ve never felt so scared and uncertain I feel like I have so many loose ends that haven’t been tied I’m afraid everything’s gonna break apart.

But I’ve never been happier, I’m happy I allowed myself to heal, I’m happy I never did anything I was too uncomfortable doing, I’m happy I preserved the things that I treasured about myself, I’m happy I built myself back up after being crushed in a relationship that I wasn’t wanted or protected in and reminded myself that I could be loved……

That I am someone who deserves to be loved, that it’s not impossible for me to be loved, that even if I wasn’t before and I was told I was too difficult to love, that I could find someone who loved me! and I did.

I’m happy that he helped me deal with my insecurities instead of pushing them in my face… he makes me feel loved and appreciated and beautiful I’ve never once felt beautiful to the extent he has made me feel it.

I love that I can run to him for protection and he will hold me and make sure with every last possible ability and fiber in his being that I know that I am protected and that he can protect me and he is willing to…against myself, against my enemies, against my fears against.. anything and anybody.

I love that I started businesses and making connections with people to get further in life and I’m doing things that I genuinely enjoy I’m happy I’m working on my spirituality and I have made better friends that I have had in the past.

I’m happy!

I’m truly happy! Make no confusion.

But I just feel so soft and exposed.

I haven’t been feeling as depressed or anxious or tired or miserable like I have the past three/five years with all this Covid bullshit. 

For once I feel insanely blessed.

But it still feels like I’m missing something that somethings gonna come or somethings gonna happen and I’m gonna lose it all.

Does anybody have any recommendation for first time marriage jitters. I just need some insight is this normal!?







#love #a memories will #true love #beauty in the madness #in love #relationship #i love you #couple #scared #first time wife #marriage jitters #at the alter #so exicted #don’t know what to do #engaged #marriage #poetry #sad poetry #aesthetic #nature #love poetry #music #i love him #depressing quotes #cute #quotes #funny #heartbreak #what do I do

[redheadbigshoes]

Hey, can i ask your opinion on something? Sorry the long post.

I spent years and years thinking I was straight and later on bisexual because I could fantasize about sex with men and feel the pleasure of the act itself, you know? It was like I can feel pleasure so it means I’m attracted to them. But when I first realized I was attracted to women it was something out of this world. Nothing could compare to the way I felt about them. I remember the only thought I was able to process in that moment was “I’m a lesbian.” over and over again lmao. Everything clicked. But… after a few days I started to believe I was attracted to men and was only faking my lesbianism. Started to identify as bi… I could fantasize about sex with men and women, but those fantasies were completely different. With men it was about the act itself or myself or some fetish idk, idealized fantasy. With women was about the woman completely, it could come with other things but it was primarily about the woman.

Now, I feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian, I feel the pride and euphoria of being one in the way I never felt being anything else before. I know I want to be with girls and only girls. But these days, reading some asks here on tumblr I started to feel confused and anxious like “Am I even valid as a lesbian?” with a lot of thoughts that made me go back to when I could not believe I wasn’t attracted to men.

So. I wonder if you could tell me if i’m not valid, like, am I making a mistake by identifying as a lesbian? I don’t want to offend anyone or be where I shouldn’t. I don’t really feel like being with a man to test anything. Really, I just want to take this confusion out of my heart. (and maybe I should really take a break from tumblr too)

Thank you!

Hi, sure!

From your ask it doesn’t seem you’re questioning whether you’re a lesbian or bi, right? You’re just questioning if considering your experiences you’re still valid?

When you started calling yourself a lesbian, after that do you still fantasize about men sexually? If the answer is yes, try to reflect on why you still like imagining yourself with a guy sexually. From what you said it really could be comphet, because when it comes to that fake attraction to men it’s common to focus entirely on yourself when it’s about imagining you with a guy sexually.

This video talks a little about fantasizing about men as a lesbian, maybe you’ll relate with it. I feel like she didn’t really specify if she’s talking about someone who haven’t figured they’re a lesbian, if it’s about someone who already knows they’re lesbian or if it’s about both situations. I think it’s more common to stop fantasizing about men once you truly realize and accept the fact that you’re a lesbian, I personally don’t really know why would someone still think about them sexually/romantically while fully knowing they’re not a lesbian.

#stephanie answers #anon #long post

[aroaceconfessions]

so, at 21, i’m finally allowing myself to accept that i’m aroace, i denied it for a long time out of 1) being scared of others viewing me as too ugly/stupid/unloveable to be with someone and 2) the fear of being alone for the rest of my life. i feel like my journey to realizing i’m aroace is both very similar yet very different from what much of the community experienced. growing up, i had crushes, i was curious about sex, i have a high libido at times (which can make me have sexual attraction, sort of?), and i’m not afraid of being sexual on my own. however, whenever someone had a crush on me, i felt deeply disgusted and uncomfortable and avoided them as much as possible. it got so bad that i’ve just always been perpetually afraid of nearly everyone in life was going to develop feelings for me, which made me feel so self-centered, but i’m just. not into that. i had a partner for 3+ years and the only reason we dated was because he was persistent (not in a creepy way), but i saw the cues that he liked me and tried to avoid him so hard til i was just like. well this is what i’m supposed to do. and he was my best friend the whole time but i didn’t want to do 99% of the things we did relationship-wise. for much of the relationship i would fantasize about being single, thinking it was bc i didn’t want to “miss out on being young,” and would have sex like it was a (nausea-inducing) chore. i didn’t know why i didn’t feel what i was supposed to feel and i just felt empty and sad all the time. we broke up bc i thought i was a lesbian (i still consider myself to be lesbian-aligned) but i’m slowly realizing that it’s just somewhat less uncomfortable w non-men, but those “erratic” periods of frustration w my lack of romantic/sexual attraction didn’t go away after we broke up. i’m trying so hard to embrace this part of myself but i feel like something is missing simply bc i thought i had those attractions my whole life til i found out that’s not what it actually feels like. i just want to have a person…like a best friend? who doesn’t want to have sex with me or be my romantic partner but just. does life with me. but i haven’t met anyone who truly gets me to that level that i’d want that with them. it’s frustrating because i love being alone and i love my friends so so much, i wanna be able to cuddle and be touchy with them w/out it being non-platonic. but i know either way, they’ll move on in life w a partner and get married and i’ll be left alone in a world that’s already terrifying to me. i have so much love and support for the aroace community but i hate this part of myself. i don’t want it gone anymore at least, i just want to stop hating it. anyway, i am so sorry this was so long, i’ve never even admitted this to myself over text. thank you for existing :)

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #queer platonic partner #queer platonic relationship #qpp #qpr #squish #friends #friendship

[sayorei]

you cannot truly love without loving yourself.

i believe that you are what you love. but can you ever fully love someone without loving yourself first? not just be attracted to them, or want to be with them forever- but fully trust them, fully be confident with them, and still have independence outside of that?

I used to be that girl who complained that she could never find love, that even if she was attracted to someone, she would never have the strength to talk to them confidently; let alone confess her love. Or truly love them. I used to be the girl who would think of someone I loved like that day and night, but would be too scared to use their name or talk to them like that. In fear that they could never like me back, in fear that they would discover my love for them.

One specific time, I fell so deeply in love with this person, I felt as if I couldn’t hold it back. I wrote her a simple, platonic letter, telling her I wanted to become closer to her. I gave her my number because I was too scared to ask for hers- but it was a move I would never dare to make. She never looked at me again, let alone text me or speak to me. I was shattered.

I later realized my pain was created because of 2 reasons. One, I fell in love with the fantasized version of her in my head. I never talked to her. I simply fell in love with a random girl. And why, that is, leads to the second reason. If I had valued myself, loved myself, and trusted myself fully, I might have understood that there was a chance someone could like me back. When I felt that simple, plain attraction, I should’ve talked to her and gotten outside of my comfort zone. I would know who she was. It wouldn’t have gotten this crazy.

I didn’t love myself, I didn’t like myself, I outright hated myself. I disliked everything about myself- my personality, my looks, my talents. In my eyes, nobody could ever like someone like me. So I tied myself to that version of her, degraded myself into falling in love with someone I didn’t know (who turned out to be a horrible person, but unrelated). That was not love, that was fantasy. That was some messed up coping mechanism.

If you don’t realize that you’re worth it, that you aren’t as untalented or unlikeable as you believe, you will never have the trust in someone that you love (and maybe even loves you back). You’ll never be your true self around them. You’ll never be comfortable. So to everyone looking for love out there, please do some self-reflection. Focus on yourself, because you are worth it.

I AM FAR FROM PERFECT; I have to hold back from fantasy like that, I have to still learn to love myself fully, and it’ll take a long time till I accept who I am. But I have made so much progress. I’ll get there one day. I hope you will, if you haven’t, too.

#philosophy #philo thoughts #love #thoughts #romance #self-love #self-care #relationships

[thoughtsofthine]

You know, most of my teen years was spent fantasizing about having the perfect guy and the perfect life and how we’d have it all. I never dreamt too big, I was realistic. I imagined how I’d meet the man of my dreams, in some cafe or passing them on a busy street in town, locking eyes and just instantly knowing that that moment was going to be the first of many. I wanted a family. To have my own gang. I wanted 5 kids at one point. I imagined what their little personalities would be like, how gorgeous they would look because they’d be half of me and half of you. I wanted pets. Cats, dogs, ferrets even. I wanted it all.

Why is it that I now dread the thought. I now view that once pleasant thought as conforming into “normal” society and I hate it. I fear the thought of child birth. My offsprings inevitably disappointing me, and the strong possibility that I’ll hate my own children. 

I no longer see myself fulfilling that part of my life. Ironic because I work with children 5 days a week. I can’t imagine myself being one of those girls hysterically crying as the man opposite her gets down on one knee and offers her a ring. I can’t imagine this going towards a direction where either party will be truly satisfied with every aspect of their life.

My dad said “no one is perfect”. But what if I want perfect? What if I’d rather spend the rest of my days with my 2 cats and a boring 9-5 job that settle down with a mediocre partner? 

I feel guilty for having these feelings. Having these thoughts. But I don’t think I’m completely happy. I feel like I’d know if I was. I don’t think I’ve ever been wholeheartedly completely happy in a long time. Dare I say it? Maybe my memories make the past seem happier or brighter. But I haven’t felt intoxicatingly happy or angry or horny or sad since. Since you. 

My life now seems like it’s not real. It’s happening and I’m making it all happen, but it’s almost as if it’s all a reflex. I’m just going through the motions. I never could have imagined that at this point in my life I’d be where I am right now. I’m both disappointed and impressed at the same time. But how does that make sense? 

I don’t think I’ve healed still. The ending of us is still haunting me. Except now I’m dealing with it by not dealing with it. I used to message you, religiously check in on you, call you, try to see what you’ve been doing. I tried to pretend like we could just be friends. But we can’t. And we can’t be together, so really we can’t be anything. This part of my life will just always stay constant. Just gnawing at me. Reminding me its always there, but there will never be a cure. And the memories, distorted as most of them are, will always be the worst punishment. 

Where am I heading in life? What am I going to do? I want to be happy. I just don’t know how to be. Or I’m too scared to be.