#hate when white people try to make edgy movies.. who gives you the right there's so many slurs

[dani-of-the-cosmos]

~what bothers the signs~

<3 use your dominant sign, sun, moon, rising, mercury, mars, or venus <3

aries

trump supporters. ants in their bedroom. people who cling onto the past and don’t give them the chance to change. when guys comb their hair too neatly and end up looking awkwardly posh. teenage boys in general. their mom. “because i said so”. fake-humble people (fishing for compliments). when people harshly insult themselves in hopes that someone will say “aww no you’re not!” possessive friends who get mad when they spend time with anyone else.  

taurus

when the shower water turns cold because they’ve been in there too long. being told to hurry up. teachers who try too hard to be friends with their students. when astrology posts act like their only personality trait is eating a lot. carelessly flirty people. when people romanticize recklessness. “idk, just because”. when their friends cancel plans at the last minute. flaky people in general. people who change their mind every day. unreliable people who act in unpredictable ways (taureans need to be able to fully trust you). shitty service at a restaurant  

gemini

“ok then”. math. passive-aggressive people who remind them of their past mistakes, and force them to re-state their apologies. being left on read. feeling a mix of guilt and indignation when someone isn’t treating them right. being so self-aware that it turns into frantic defensiveness. strict routine. dry texters. “umm i don’t know how to respond to that.” feeling controlled by an outside force or person. relentless creepy men who repeatedly dm them after being told to stop 3 times. slow walkers.  

cancer

attention whores. “get over it”. “life isn’t fair.” “tough shit.” people who don’t remember the pain they caused them in the past; who expect them to just move on. people who leave in the middle of a texting conversation. loud, spitty chewing. awkward butt-touching. when people question their motives and intentions (this will make a cancer extremely stressed). when their friends are too busy to make time to listen to them vent. when people try to act “alpha” and make a big deal about themselves. people who are able to switch off their emotions and freeze them out 

leo

when someone tells the same story over and over again. pimples. when people don’t point out how particularly hot they look that day. that sickly cold feeling on a cloudy early morning. one-uppers. people who raise their hand in class to read from the textbook and then speak at the speed of a snail. people who act weirded-out when they compliment them. fake baby-voice. when people step on their white shoes. “you have so much potential, if only you’d apply yourself”. repetitive throat clearing. “you’re so annoying”

virgo

feeling like an afterthought. people who don’t practice proper oral hygiene. when people talk too close to their face (if you want a virgo to hate you in .02 seconds, just start whispering directly into their face without having brushed your teeth that morning). when they can’t tell if their crush’s personality is just flirty, or if they’re interested in them back. being sweaty. girls who wear too much perfume. sleeping in the same room as someone who constantly shuffles the blanket around with their legs. “it was a joke, chill” 

libra

people who think it’s cute to constantly point out “well this is awkward”. self-proclaimed “brutally honest” people who put on their dating profile that they’re “fluent in sarcasm” (basically unresolved feelings of aggression showcased as a “bad bitch” persona). people who don’t wear deodorant. super loud people who need to make every situation about them. when a person never initiates a conversation, so they have to always do it. the inner conflict of not wanting to put up with people’s toxicity any longer but also not wanting to piss people off by saying anything. online shopping sites that load too slowly  

scorpio

straight tiktok. fake people who smile to your face and then shit on you behind your back. people who try to be funny by doing things like tapping them on the shoulder and pretending it wasn’t them, or having an unannounced staring contest. catcalls. people who get super uncomfortable really easily. when someone makes a superficial judgement about them without getting to know them first. self-pitying people who try to guilt them into dating them. 

sagittarius

“shhh!” feeling like a nuisance. people who get offended when they curse. people who are overly secretive and protective of their phones. youtuber apology videos. when someone thinks their interests are “cringey”. when someone spoils the end of a movie, book or tv series. when their family leaves balled-up hair on the shower wall. people who don’t take them seriously. old people with superiority complexes. their dysfunctional family dynamic. mockers 

capricorn

people who purposefully fart near them and think of it as a joke. april fool’s day. their uncle. fake-deep quotes. edgy posts (like “at the end of the day nothing matters” and other stuff like that). when people invalidate their problems by quoting vague, condescendingly positive philosophies. when they can’t find a misplaced belonging (capricorns FREAK OUT when this happens; it’s intense). waking up late and not having enough time to complete their perfectly crafted routines. 

aquarius

people who attach emotions to every little situation. people who don’t straight-up state how they’re feeling, and passive-aggressively expect them to just “get it”. when people guilt them for not hanging out with them every waking second. people who don’t honor their need for independence and individuality. clingy people. close-minded bigots. people who are so self-centered that they’re unable to see the magnitude of others’ suffering. when someone is blissfully unaware of the world. people who complain and wallow in their sadness yet who do nothing to change their situation. people who overreact to trivial things. highly reactive people. judgmental stares. 

pisces

“are you seriously crying about that?” coarseness meant to be perceived as “cool”. people who are so sarcastic to the point of it being offensive. when people think of animals as less valuable than people. spiritual superiority (”my beliefs are the only right ones”). perfectionists. timed tests. trying to do push-ups. when someone invalidates their emotions because they’re “not logical”

#aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #the signs as #annoying #what annoys the signs #what irritates the signs #what bothers the signs #irritating #astrology #astrology observations #astrological observations #astrologytrash05

[davidmann95]

How about those JL storyboards?

In case you haven’t heard, Zack Snyder is putting on display the ‘storyboards’ - i.e. a rough plot summary accompanied by some Jim Lee sketches - for what would have been Justice League 2 and 3, or as this puts it 2 and ‘2A’. You can see them here (I imagine better-quality versions will soon be released), and read a transcript here. This is evidently a very early version: this was apparently pitched prior to the release of BvS and Justice League being rewritten in the wake of it, with numerous plot details that now don’t line up with what we know about the Snyder Cut, plus it outright mentions it builds on the originally planned versions of the Batman and Flash movies. But it’s a broad outline of what was gonna go down, and while I initially thought it was Snyder throwing in the towel, the timing - paired with the ambiguity left by the necessity for changes, including that this doesn’t factor whatever that “massive cliffhanger” at the end of the Cut is - says to me he’s hoping this’ll be a force multiplier behind efforts to will sequel/s into existence. He’s probably right.

I’ll be discussing spoilers below, but in short: with this Zack Snyder has finally lived up to Alan Moore, in that like Twilight of the Superheroes I wouldn’t believe this was real as opposed to a shockingly on-point parody if not for direct, irrefutable evidence.

Doing some rapid-fire bullet points for this baby to kick us off:

* Folks who know the subject say a lot of this is a yet further continuation of Snyder doing Arthuriana fanfic with the League reskinned over those major players, and I’ll take their word for it.

* I don’t know whether I love or hate that in Justice League 2 the Justice League are only an extant thing for the first scene, and then it’s Snyder giving everybody their own mini-movies. It’s compressing the entire MCU “loosely interconnected solo stories leading to a single big movie later” strategy into a single movie!

*  Funniest line in the whole thing: "Even Lantern has heard of the Kryptonian, worried that he's under the control of Darkseid. He heard his spirit was unbreakable." Hal what fuckin' Superman movie did YOU watch? Second funniest being “IT WILL GIVE HIM POWER OVER ALL LIVING LIFE”

* 90% of the plot I have nothing to say about, it’s generic stage-setting crap. That to be clear is the ‘shocked it’s Snyder’ element, it feels so crassly commercial in a way I can’t believe is coming from the BvS guy.

* Most of what I have to say is unsurprisingly gonna be about a handful of characters but Cyborg’s happy ending being “he isn’t visibly disabled anymore!” is not great!

* The Goddess of War battle with Superman...never pays off? No clue why it’s there.

* What I’d originally heard was that the Codex in Superman’s blood was the last key to the Anti-Life Equation and that’s why Darkseid was coming to Earth. It’s not like all of this wouldn’t have already been averted by Kal-El’s pod smacking into an asteroid on the way to Earth so it’s not as if this makes it any more Superman’s fault, and it would have at least tied all this back to the beginning of the movies, but I suppose that was either fake or from a later draft.

* I have NO idea how this was reimagined without the ‘love triangle’, it’s the central character thing and the entire climax flows directly out of it!

* Darkseid’s kinda a chump in this, huh

Anonymous said: So: Does Zack Snyder hate Superman?

Look: the hilarity of this when Cuck Kent has been a go-to Snyder cult insult towards ‘inferior’ takes on Superman for years cannot be understated, yet at the same time I can almost wrap my brain around where Snyder’s coming from with that as the end for his take on the character. He talked in that Variety piece on how his interest in Superman is informed by having adopted children himself, and Deborah Snyder is the stepmother to his kids by previous relationships, so I can see where he’d be coming from, and I can even imagine how he’d see this as ‘rhyming’ in the sense of “the series begins with Kal-El being adopted by Earth, it ends with him adopting a child of Earth!” In the same way as MARTHA, I can envision how he would put these pieces together in his head thematically without registering or caring what the end result would actually look like. In this case, Superman raising the kid of the man who beat the shit out of him who Batman had with Clark’s wife, who earlier told Bruce she was staying with Clark because he ‘needed her’, suggesting if inadvertently that this really honest to god was a “she’s only staying with Superman out of pity, she really loved Batman more” thing.

But Clark is nothing in this. He’s sad and existential because of coming back from the dead I guess, then he’s corrupted, then time’s undone and he woo-rah rallies the collective armies of the world (interesting angle for the ‘anti-military/anti-establishment’ Superman he’s talked up as) as his big heroic moment in the finale, and then he stops being sad because he’s adopting a kid. So his big much-ballyhooed, extremely necessary five-movie character arc towards truly becoming Superman was:

Sad weird kid -> sad weird kid learns he’s an alien, is still weird and sad, maybe he shouldn’t save people because things could go really wrong? -> his dad is so convinced it could go wrong he lets himself die -> ????? -> Clark is saving people anyway -> learns his origin, gets an inspiring speech about being a bridge between worlds and a costume -> becomes superman (not Superman, that’s later) to save the world, albeit a very property-damagey version, rejects his heritage he just learned about and space dad’s bridge idea -> folks hate him being superman and that sucks though at least he’s got a girlfriend now -> things go so wrong he considers not being superman but his ghost dad reminds him shit always goes wrong so he should be good anyway, which sorta feels like it contradicts his previous advice -> immediate renewed goodness is out the window as he’s blackmailed into having to try and kill a dude but the dude happens to coincidentally have some things in common so they don’t kill each other after all -> big monster now but superman keeps supermaning at it because he loves his girlfriend and he dies -> he’s brought back, wears black which apparently means now he likes Krypton again? -> he has work friends now but he’s still sad because he was dead -> evil now! -> wait nevermind time travel -> rallies the troops -> his wife’s having a kid so he’s not sad anymore -> Superman! Who gives way to more Batman.

Do I think Zack Snyder is lying when he says he likes Superman? No. I think he sincerely finds much of the basic conceits and imagery engaging. But I don’t think he meaningfully gives shit about Clark as a character, just a vessel for Big Iconic Beats he wants to hit. Whereas while for instance he’s critical of Batman as an idea (at least up to a point), he’s much more passionately, directly enamored with him as a presence and personality. So while Superman may be the character whose ostensible myth cycle or arc or however it’s spun might be propelling a lot of events here, it’s a distant appreciation - of course the other guy takes over and subsumes him into his own narrative. Of course Batman is the savior, the past and the future (though if he’s supposed to be Batman’s kid raised by Superman there’s no excuse for him not to be Nightwing), the tragic martyr to our potential. Admittedly the implication here is also that Batman can apparently only REALLY with his whole heart be willing to sacrifice his life to save an innocent, for that matter apparently his great love, once said innocent is a receptacle for his Bat-brood, but he and Clark are both already irredeemable pieces of shit by the end of BvS so it’s not like this even registers by comparison.

Anonymous said: That “plan” Snyder had was utter dogshit. Picture proof that DC & WB hate Superman. Also I love how you’re like Jor-El: Every single idealistic take you had about Snyder, his fandom, and BvS was wrong. Snyder’s an edgy hack, his fanbase just wants to jerk off to their edgy self-insert Batgod as he screams FUCK while mowing people down with machine guns, and the idea that BvS said Superman was better than Bats was completely wrong. You know what comes next SuperMann: Either you die or I do.

In the final analysis, beyond that mother of god is there sure no conceivable excuse for the treatment of Lois in this? The temptation is to join that anon and say as I originally tweeted that these were “built entirely to disabuse every single redemptive reading of the previous work and any notion of these movies as nuanced, artistic, self-reflective, or meaningful”.

...

...

...yeah, okay, that’s mostly right. Zack Snyder’s vision really was the vision of an edgelord idiot with bad ideas who was never going to build up to anything that would reframe it all as a sensible whole. He’s a sincere edgelord genuinely trying really hard with his bad ideas who put some of them together quite cleverly! But they’re fucking bad and the endgame was never anything more than ramping up into smashing the action figures together as big as he could, the political overtones and moral sketchiness of BvS while trying to say something in that movie reverberated through the grand scheme of his pentalogy in no way beyond giving his boys a big sad pit to rise out of so when they kicked ass later it’d rule harder, and all the gods among men questions and horror and trappings were only that: trappings. Apparently he’s really pleasant and well-meaning in person, but at his core his art as embodied in a couple weeks in his 4-hour R-rated Justice League movie meant to be seen in black-and-white all comes down to that time he yelled at someone on Twitter that he couldn’t appreciate Snyder’s work because it’s for grown-ups. He made half-clever, occasionally exciting shit cape movies for a bunch of corny pseudo-intellectual douchebags, folks latching onto and justifying blockbusters that at least acknowledge how horrifying the world is right now even if the superheroes are basically useless in the face of it if not outright part of the problem until a convenient alien invasion shows up to justify them, and a handful of non-asshole smart people who vibe with it but...well. ‘Suckered’ is a harsh word, and definitely doesn’t apply to all of them re: what they’ve gotten out of it up to this point and would (somehow) get out of this. But it doesn’t apply to none of them, either.

#Justice League #Zack Snyder #Superman #Batman #DCEU #Opinion

[clarkewayne]

I really want you guys opinion on Sharon’s heel turn on TFaTWS and where she may go now that apparently there was a big enough backlash and she won’t be the villain of the Captain America 4 movie. What do you guys think?

Personally, I like that they are trying to get her out Peggy’s shadow by giving her a twist, the idea of a morally grey hero who knows that they cannot trust the government blindly especially in the Captain America branch of the MCU is pretty dope, but I hate that they were actually considering turning her into a full-on villain, I get the idea of a bitter and nihilistic Sharon, she worked her entire life for the US government and made a sacrifice in order to help Steve and what she believed (and was ultimately proven) was right, but she was still screwed over and had her life ruined without anyone to help her, not even the man who she sacrificed everything for.

Thing is… they are pushing. A lot.

Sharon wanting to stick to government by undermining them and disrupting world order while she drinks whisky in a swanky penthouse in Madripoor? I’m in. Sharon being ok with human trafficking and experiments on children? Yeah, I don’t buy that.

Sharon worked for the greater good for pretty much her entire life, joining Shield as soon as she could, and all of sudden she drops all her morals and principles when she goes on the run? And she had been on the run for what? Two years? The details are murky at best, no one seems to know if Sharon was indeed snapped or not, because let me tell you, if she was, baby girl is pretty savage, coming all the way from Berlin to Madripoor, overturning whoever was the Power Broker at the time, taking control of the crime underworld, getting the super-soldier serum and forming a militia of superpowered beings in the spam of two years and all of that while being wanted for breaking the Sokovia Accords. And Steve and co. knew nothing of this.

That’s one of the biggest problems I had with the show, a lot of the struggles Sharon goes through (and both Sam and Bucky as well) were caused by Steve leaving to go live a fantasy life in alternate timeline with Peggy – out of character, we know – but because the show goes out of its way to not tarnish Steve’s reputation it rises the question, why on earth would he of all people leave such a mess behind to others to deal with?

But enough about him, back to Sharon. I really hope they turn her into Sam’s new liaison with the real world. One of the coolest things about the show was the revelation of how the Captain America mantle does not work while being commanded (that at the very end you have some old white man asking Sam to do bitch work and he goes willingly we gonna keep at the fanbase) – that became quite clear with John Walker, also during the MCU run we have been shown time and time again how the government doesn’t always have the heroes best interests at their heart. It’s highly likely Sharon will pop-up again in Armor Wars, with Tony Stark now gone his arsenal is ripe for the taking and the suits have expressed many times how they want to get their hands on it, Sharon might be the one to prevent that – will forever hate how the MCU didn’t tackle a possible connection between her and Tony since their families were close.

Now that we know that Sin is the likely the new foe for Cap, we’ll have to wait and see what it’s next for Sharon. Honestly, I’m worried that they will kill her off – they tried to be edgy by making her a villain and failed, Feige might think it’s too much of a hassle and just write her off, it’s not like the MCU has the best track record with their female characters (I’m looking at you Lady Sif). But what about what you guys think, is she going back to the good side and help the heroes? Will Feige and co. just be done with her? Whats your take?

(drop an ask, I kinda have lots of thoughts on this lol)

#a long post #sharon carter #tfatws #captain america #mcu issues #and how they hate their female characters

[techouspeaks]

Real Rip-Offs!: Fate: The Winx Saga

It’s the infamous show that takes the magic of Winx and flushes it down the toilet! May contain spoilers.

Where the frick do I even begin with this? Like what the hell!?

Like everyone else, when I saw the teasers and trailers for this I wasn’t too thrilled with the whole thing, but I decided I’ll give it a watch and boy...this is bad. Really really bad! Omg! Not very long into the first episode and already I wanted to turn it off! I usually get that feeling within maybe the second or third episode of a show but no! This was bad even from the beginning.

Let’s put a side the blatant obvious issue with replacing Musa and Flora’s race, which Captain Marvel kinda already did that. She was black for a while then they made her white again. No one gave a dang but okay. Priorities I suppose. But this series does things that fails already on arrival. 

First, we’re introduced to Bloom AFTER she finds out her powers. Yup! We’re just thrown in there like Mummy Returns, she’s like boop! We’re there! Right after a farmer gets killed by something called a “Burned One” right at the beginning! A blatant shadow monster you only end up seeing in the distance in the shadows. When I first played the episode, I thought I accidentally played an episode of Goosebumps at first and I mean it in that sense. It wasn’t scary, it was pathetic! Are You Afraid of the Dark had more nightmare fuel and that show was on Nickelodeon! 

The dialog already dated! Bloom actually says the word “mansplaining” and is already a total b@#$ to Sky and they haven’t even dated! Gosh, at least when Bloom had troubles with Sky they at least established they’re dating! Despite the whole “feminist” agenda, Bloom is a freakin moron and needs to be saved by Aisha and a teacher. The whole use of smartphones, at least in the older series, they made up their own tech so the series could take place at any time. 

Let’s not forget the wonderful, unique personalities of each of our favorite girls (except Techna) has been replaced with “troubled teen with parent/social issues”. Like every single girl in this is awful! There’s no good guy to root for! 

Like I don’t expect teens to be happy all the time. I suffer mental health problems including anxiety! I know that depression isn’t about being sad all the time either! I have friends who have it! My teen years weren’t the greatest and I wouldn’t relive those years either. However, even with all that, the way this show depicts emotional troubles and mental health, it makes it seem like if you’re not troubled all the time and you’re not moping about your problems more often than not, you don’t have mental health issues or emotional problems! 

There’s taking light of it where characters don’t seem to face real issues and then there’s over exaggerating it and this does just that. It over exaggerates what teen life and mental health is like.

Not to mention, but none of the characters seem likeable cuz again, there unique personalities were replaced with “troubled teen”. You don’t even to know their names. The only thing that sets them apart is the reason why they’re miserable and the boys, don’t get me started with them. Just a heartthrob with no brain that has to back down when a girl gets mad at them cuz girls can’t be strong unless the man backs down to let her be. Which is the opposite of what that whole girl power agenda is.

News flash, a woman isn’t strong if they run into danger without a brain. Like they don’t need to be super smart but at least know how to think on their feet. That’s what old Bloom did at least and a woman isn’t strong if the man has to back down for her. What made Mulan (1999) a strong character was cuz the guys didn’t back down on her. She had to learn to fight and never gave up on it. Same with Bloom and the other girls of the old series. They fought a long side the dudes and saw them as equal. They didn’t use “mansplaining” cuz girls and guys were equal. 

There’s also no comradery. I get that in the first episode, the Winx weren’t that close yet in the old series, but they at least weren’t mean to each other. They at least were chilled with each other, were polite with one another and thus would already be comfortable around each other. You could be friend any of the old girls and get a long with them fine. Had any one treat me the way these new girls did back in my day in school, I wouldn’t have befriended a single one!  Everyone’s so riled up in their own personal problems and they just act mean that, even when they’re trying to sympathize with each other, it all comes across as insincere. 

I get teens can be mean. I wasn’t always nice either but not this mean. Everyone gets so offended and that’s the thing. The boys get a long with each other fine. The girls always act like they’re ready to slit each other’s throat and already to mope about something or get mad about something. So basically this is the stereotype of what people think feminism is. Girls are total emotional which is somehow a personality, “so much better than the boys” and the guys are laidback idiots with “duh” as a personality.

I was even shock that the replacement for Flora “Terra”, nearly kills Riven by hanging him by vine. Like, she down right tries to kill him! That’s attempted murder, yet it’s brushed a side for whatever dang reason! Flora wouldn’t do this, not even to her enemies! She would get mad but she would never use her powers against someone that clearly wasn’t an enemy and even then, she wouldn’t go that far. If murderous tendencies counts as strong, the people who made this show and the people who agree with that scene, need serious therapy!

Flora was strong cuz she was kind. She used her abilities to the best of her own, stood up even when she was scared and showed kindness to even people being mean to her. That takes a lot of skill and to some that’s “unrealistic”. Well you know what? It is realistic! I know people who do their best to avoid conflict and always stay kind cuz kindness is a rare thing! 

Now and I know people who attack people for hating Terra cuz they believe it’s  body shaming if you do, but no! I don’t like Terra not cuz she’s not skinny. I shame on her cuz she like her I would say friends but more so they’re enemies under the same roof, are stereotypical “my life is bad or it isn’t perfect so I must act like a rude, stuck up brat and mope around a lot” and for showing that murderous tendencies = edgy and strong, which is dangerous. Sure, it was a quick moment and but I’m with Riven, he could have died and who knows, what if Riven had asthma or other breathing problems, Terra doesn’t know! 

I also watched where Bloom finally gains her wings and the effects for that is so bad, even the effects for Power Rangers are more credible despite this series being a “adult version”. 

This series is just bad! It’s not even fun kind of bad. All the characters are either mean or stupid or both, you can’t root for them. No one has a personality outside edgy, stupid or troubled teen. Has dialog and themes that make it dated on arrival. The school and settings are uninspiring. The effects are down right pathetic! The outfits are ugly! Not even as a teen would I wear stuff like that and I wore some tacky choices. I’m a 90s girl, I had tacky stuff but man! Bloom half the time looks like she’s wearing curtains from a haunted mansion and not even from the Haunted Mansion. More like a frumpy, sad knock off version of the movie.

Yeah, this series is the worst! It’s not even just the controversial stuff that makes it bad. It’s just all around bad in everything it gives! I can’t even stand watching a single episode. It’s so bad I don’t even want to use pictures or screenshots of it for this review!  I give Fate: The Winx Saga 1 out of 10 stars! I would give it 0 if I could! Just don’t bother! Watch the old Winx and World of Winx cuz those two series for kids are surprisingly more adult than this piece of crap! 

Now excuse me while I go enjoy another episode of Aikatsu Planet! At least that show is fun to watch and the characters don’t make me want to slap them!

Also for my rip off reviews I don’t read the notes usually. You can reblog, rant at me and call me whatever, but you’re writing to no one so have fun! If you like this show more power to you! Not everyone wants to worship it though!

#fate winx club #world of winx #winx club #Winx

[casualarsonist]

Postal 2 review

Postal 2 was released right in the middle of what should have been my prime teenage-edgelord years, but while it’s had a resurgence in popularity due to nostalgia, returning to it, the game strikes me now exactly as it did then - a forgettable and borderline broken, amateurish piece of software that was crowded out of all but the most fringe playerbases by other, better, more interesting games.

Postal 2 is Hatred, if Hatred mistakenly thought it was funny - it was a try-hard attempt at outrunning South Park in a race no-one was watching. The irony is that in hindsight South Park turned out to be tedious fence-sitting ‘all sides are equally stupid’ takes from a pair of moron Gen Xers who thought that not having a strong opinion about anything was cool and were also responsible for mass-marketing anti-semitism to an entire generation. It was seen as edgy and provocative in the 2000s, and now it’s laughed at for its rigid, pointed adherence to committing nothing of value to any issue. And in trying to out-do Parker and Stone the developers of Postal 2 shackled themselves to the exact same sinking ship.

The game is…not great. It’s ugly, and poorly put-together. There are constant issues with controls and soundtrack - you can hear the audio clicking repeatedly in the opening minutes of the game because whoever did the sound design stitched together a bunch of stock sound effects and didn’t crossfade the adjoining tracks. The same 3 second soundbite of a bird repeats endlessly - noticeable because it is the only sound playing as you tour through the town. And while there is something to be said for the effort put into programming all the systems that go towards simulating the mundanity of everyday life (and towards your disruption of that mundanity with a can of gasoline and a box of matches), this was an indie game with a certain amount of ambition developed before crowdfunding could turn these games into something worth playing. It’s tedious, but not in the way the developers intended - it’s tedious mechanically, like playing in a small, ugly, sadistic sandbox. The most interesting thing you discover about it is that doing everyday tasks like shopping for milk, and burning everyone in the town alive, are actions that get boring at exactly the same rate as one another.

That said, I think there’s a certain amount of accidental Tom Green-esque avant-garde nihilism in the absurdity of this game. It’s kind of funny to watch the 'Parents For Decency’ whip out pistols and try to murder every member of the Running With Scissors development team because they don’t like their violent games. That’s genuine satire - it actually says something real, and, because the 'think of the children’ groups are usual comprised of wealthy conservatives trying to avoid caring about actual tangible suffering in the world, the commentary kicks upwards at a group that will otherwise avoid any punishment for their hypocrisy. The icing on the cake is that you can then choose to kill them in self-defence, proving that you’re exactly the thing they were protesting. Postal 2 has something to say occasionally. Very occasionally. But then give it a few hours and you’re murdering dozens of shrieking racist stereotypes of Afghanis that all look like Osama Bin Laden.

If you kill 30 people from every type of skin colour you get an achievement called 'Sheriff Arpaio would be proud’. I had to google his name because I thought he he was a mass murderer with some kind of pointedly indiscriminate political agenda. Nope - he was a white Sheriff in Arizona who specifically profile non-white people in one of the most widespread examples of open racism in American law enforcement since segregation was made ‘illegal’. And given recent history, that’s saying something. He alone cost the taxpayers of his one county $140 million dollars via lawsuits brought against him. The fucking U.S. Justice Department sued him. If I hadn’t researched that I wouldn’t have realised he was actually a massive racist asshole who specifically targeted Hispanics and black people, because Running With Scissors made a false equivalence in their throwaway gag that just happens to mislead the player about the racist crimes of the person they’re referencing. 'Sheriff Arpaio would be proud’…because it was a numbers game? Yes, that’s what he liked. Persecuting *everyone* - as many people as possible, and not one very specific demographic of people.

I’m not saying that this stupid joke intentionally whitewashes the racism of its namesake, and I’m not saying that this, coupled with the developers’ portrayal of Middle Eastern people as homogenous terrorists screaming gibberish through the singular face of a mass murderer is in any way an explicit demonstration of their edgelord racist worldview. I’m not saying that, in the same that I’m not saying that a crack-smoking, dog-kicking, wife-abusing, spree-killer living in a trailer in any way reflects their perspective towards the poor, and that this entire game is one big middle-finger to everything the developers personally dislike. I’m saying that there’s a marked difference between forcing players to kill brown people because they’re all terrorists and forcing players to kill white people because they’re vegetarians. Or have red hair. Jesus that was such a 2003 joke wasn’t it?

At the very least, the panel of people who mindmapped the ideas that came together to form the foundational commentary of Postal 2 are dumb as dogshit, and the end result of that is 'whoopsie we’re slaughtering dozens of Muslims ho ho ho the Indian food store has Afghani suicide bombers in it all these people are the same skin colour Sheriff Arpaio did a bad thing to *lots of different people!*’

Isn’t it interesting that a game touted as a free-for-all and remembered for it’s 'all sides are bad’ South Park-esque 'sick of the system’ worldview actually depicts its town exactly from the perspective of one very specific demographic of people - the single most represented demographic in the American population: middle-class straight white male Gen Xers who feel disenfranchised but are also ardently pro-America, hate the poor despite not being wealthy themselves, hate the rich for being richer than them, hate 'rednecks’ for being too uncivilised, hate 'conservatives’ for being too stuck-up, and hate liberals for not fitting into a stuck-up conservative worldview. When you think of yourself as the lone, correct singularity trapped in the centre of a world filled with people who are wrong because they care too much about things you don’t like to think about, literally every other person on the planet becomes a potential threat. Your life is given meaning by the feeling of persecution this constant target on your back brings. And it’s a lot easier to take your anger out on a toothless social group than to comprehend your own lack of identity - to make fun of 'gingers’ and vegetarians like you were born yesterday rather than do anything legitimately rebellious or anti-establishment. Particularly if your specific demographic is the one nearly all media is catered towards. Movies are telling you that you’re the hero, but your miserable job tells you that you’re just a rube. Who’s to blame? Don’t bother thinking about it, because you might end up on a crusade, and you don’t want to be like those losers who keep going on about their problems. Make a game in which you kill all those people instead. That’ll teach em.

Postal 2 is the kind of stand-up comic that gets heckled for telling an offensive joke and then threatens to shoot-up the audience if they won’t stop booing him. It was made - poorly even for the time - by a bunch of clowns playing to the easiest possible audience: white edgelords. It’s a power fantasy for people who don’t have anything meaningful to fight for, so they fight gingers. Y'know, because South Park did it. Nazis are funny, gingers are bad. Everyone is wrong, stick to the middle. The middle of a spectrum. The middle of the road. The middle of a river as it sweeps you out to sea. It’s all the same.

2/10

#postal 2 #rws #running with scissors #fps #pc #video game #review #edgelord garbage

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

#warning long #long post #hazbin critical #very long rant #important #hear victims voices #just sick of how awful people can treat one another and believe this is acceptable #everyone is accountable #toxic fanbase #Toxic shippers #toxic ships #im literally too fucking old for this #forgive the anger but after years and years it gets so cumbersome and tiring #im happy to be the pariah if it means victims actually get heard and helped

[thattimdrakeguy]

Toxicity, gaslighting, hypocrisy, an overall just bad fandom folks on twitter.

I’m glad I’m not involved with twitter comic fandom cuz the amount of people trying  to make Tim look bad like throwing a fit cuz he’s under too much pressure or like-- not being a saint. While calling characters that constantly murder people or violate human rights “baby” is way too high.

Even just the minor lies are nutty, acting like the 90s edgy art style at the time shows Tim is twisted cuz he looks scary in it-- when it’s just dated art

But then-- complain when people say things out of context for other characters-- when the context doesn't make it better. I really can’t process those people. they confuse me.

Also one of them apparently said Tim being a rich white kid makes him a power fantasy? Which is superficial at best  when applied to Tim given when you read 90s Robin-- (Which I assume they’re complaining about, cuz he still lives away from Bruce then-- cuz otherwise Jason would technically count as a rich kid) Tim is just this dorky kid, who’s scared on  the inside, putting on a brave face and fighting crime and his insecurity problem. He’s not some masculine power fantasy, he’s a relateable kid, his wealth besides being able to spend money in his first mini was even portrayed negatively if any thing sometimes with his dad as having been away for a lot of his childhood and leaving Tim without proper social development and being pretty socially clueless to the point it‘s a problem he has no street smarts.

So pretty much just gaslighting and strawman arguments.

You’re racist if you don’t like Damian.

You hate poor people if you don’t like Jason.

You’re sexist if you don’t like Stephanie.

But I’m someone who still likes Jason a lot even if I don’t like any thing in the Red Hood era not done by Winnick (and even then there’s a scene in Lost Days  that creeps me out), and used to like Damian and Steph, I just stopped liking them because I just found myself realizing I don’t particularly like a lot of their writing.

At the same time as well, isn’t it just more reasonable that people don’t like them cuz of simple taste or their character actions?

Damian does kidnap people and violates people’s human rights currently, and did chemically paralyze and trigger Jon in their first meeting, as well as smacks him for freaking out later on that miniseries.

If you made Steph a dude, more people would be very likely to call Steph a sexual harasser for flirting with Tim past  what he’s comfortable with, even with the knowledge he has a girlfriend. Plus she has shown dangerous cynicism in nearly letting criminals die, and even tendencies found in emotional abusers given her gaslighting, ill-trust, and attempts to go behind Tim's back, and even throwing crap at him while refusing to talk as he’s trying to apologize for some thing he didn’t actually do.

Not even to say Tim is a saint, he’s shown to be insensitive, and condescending, but if you start with his origin and not Red Robin, in my experience it ‘s more likely you’ll read him as a socially oblivious boy scout-esque kid rather than an angsty jerk. Doesn’t make what he did not bad, but just more interesting, because if a character is a saint it‘s boring, and Tim's actual original character makes what he does less offending to people. He has gotten incredibly pissed off at his friends, but ... he’s a literal kid that has to lead other kids with super powers. It‘s bad that he threw fits, but it ‘s never done in a way that makes it feel like “Oh i must hate this character”. Damian is also a kid, but what he does is way more notably offending to some people. He has a bad backstory but it is fiction, people have different standards with specific actions depending on how they feel about it. It‘s not illogical to be fine with a socially oblivious kid being insensitive but not be fine with a character  that consistently does bad things even after they’re aware it‘s bad. 

(Heck, Tim even cheated on his girlfriend, but given how that whole storyline chunk was written, it‘s more out of character and an example of bad writing than anything else, given how Tim feels on the topic of cheating before and after, as well as how much he cared about Ari. It was inconsistent and even the writing breezes past reality with how Ari suddenly agrees to mutually break up. I don’t  believe the story actually treats it fully as cheating either, making it feel like they knew. So it feels more like bad writing than a thing to judge Tim on, because that‘s just something people use to criticize bad writing, quite commonly even with many shows or movies. I can still get why people don’t care. It‘s more of a writing complaint. Like Jason being a serial killer is. It‘s inconsistent, doesn't add up, and isn’t a good reflection of the character.)

If you are fine with it is some thing else, cuz that‘s a matter of tastes.

I actually started calling Tim “baby” cuz Damian fans called Damian baby-- which I find a bit more odd (sometimes honestly just worried given the crap he does in the images they say that to some of the time), cuz while I’m aware Damian is younger obviously, he’s only cute in pandering moments that‘d I’d actually deem ooc, using basic standards that it isn’t consistent with anything before and after, as well as not fitting who the character is or even built up properly if they even try. (Also cuz Aunt May called Peter and friends babies and  thought it was charming). My blog as well is about 90s Tim Drake as well, where’d he’d be a year off of the same age as Damian mainly, I may call him baby past that age, but that‘s just cuz it‘s s tuck in my head now. I really can’t picture calling RR Tim baby in fandom usage of the word (which is  the only way I use it) if that was the only way he’s ever been.

Like with characters I start from the beginning (besides Dick and Bruce cuz gosh that’d take forever) and judge what ‘s in-character from there and read, while noticing development as well as things they’ve done. i didn’t read Red Robin first, I read Robin first. I didn’t read Batgirl first I read her Robin appearances first. When I studied Jason I wen t with his post-crisis Robin run (I deem pre-crisis Jason a different character given so much is different the same way i do with the New 52 teen titans core four generally speaking besides comparing to pre-New 52 versions). When I went to study Damian for stuff I read his first appearances forward much the same. And at one point in time I liked all these characters, I judged them based off of reading them.

So I’m not someone with just a bias-- I’m aware some of my friends do, but I’m not my friends if that wasn’t obvious. I’m friends with some people that like vastly different things than me even.

All I can say in the end is that it bugs me that toxic people have convinced themselves they are some victim while spreading harassment, lies, and gaslighting, because other people just enjoy different things or read things differently.

A lot of these people bother me especially because they frame themselves or the character  they like as some victim they have to defend, and even target specific people over, when they themselves are the ones showing basic toxic behavior. they are the toxic ones yet believe they’re the victim-- cuz someone read a comic differently or didn’t like the same character as them.

That is nuts to me

I’ve even had to deal with similar people since I gotten called a racist for not liking Damian-- when I’ve even mentioned that I’ve liked Damian previously, and explained I simply didn’t like his comic or his writing enough to reasonably like him. Meaning I guess the action of not liking Damian-- in of itself-- is racist, which is gaslighting at best. I’m sure someone out there even hates Damian because they’re racist, but why treat everyone (or at least some notable chunk to be worth talking about) that doesn't like him as if they’re that person?

They’d rather believe that people that don’t like what they do must be terrible people of some kind rather than treat them as normal people.

They’ve even showed hypocritical behavior, by complaining of others not  giving context-- while doing the same thing to other characters.

As I said, I’m not on comic book twitter, I have not even interacted with these people. I’ve just seen it, and it‘s just so toxic to me. It‘s a bad thing to see over fiction.

#tim drake #Robin #DC Comics #fandom toxicity #discourse

[princessdianaartemis]

Brainstorm Vomit

TW: Bullying; Emotion Manipulation Mention; Panic/Anxiety Attacks; Suicide Ideation; Self-Harm Mention; Death; Cursing; Description of Injury; Slight Misogyny; Depression; Anxiety; Description of Dissociation

Being made fun of in the 5th grade made me become a monster: mean, biting, sarcastic - nothing to make tears flow other than the pain that came from wanting love and even that was something no one knew about me. Just a child and already fighting with the desire to be loved. Already fighting down the thoughts of wanting to die, that everything would be fine, or better, without me.

I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t pretty enough to not get bullied; wasn’t normal enough not to be compared to things associated with taunting culture: ‘Lety la Fea’, ‘Harry Potter’s sister’, names that echo for years in this strong memory vault. Not funny enough to be approachable - that was my Feffy - not the right culture, language, look, speech. Did they see me sweet back then, or was I the carry-on for people cooler than me even back then. I shared the world of my imagination when it’s still fun to pretend in the fifth grade, when you can still be a kid, but not for much longer and the imagination had to be silenced when it wouldn't go away.

By sixth grade, I was a new me. Hard, not afraid to manipulate - adults believe anything when you’re sweet - throwing my weight around to get my way. I was told I was too mean and it stung, but anything softer and I’d be trampled to the ground - at least that’s the way it felt. I used the muscle around me to protect me, the sharpness of my tongue. Hate was easier than love, then friendliness - that was meant for paper - and I had seen how the world corrupted softness into cruelty until it disappeared.

I saw that no matter how much I primped and preened, someone would always be more beautiful and I hated every inch of me: every hair, roll, color, zits, glasses, smile, everything. I turned to my imagination to build perfection and pushed everything childish into the safety of home. Paper was my sanctuary, where kindness was allowed, where my childish likes wouldn’t be judged, and the beauty I would never be able to be came to life.

I think 7th grade saw the realest me. Joking around with Darius and Zach, the humor of my friends, the artistry, the sarcasm directed at someone who laughed it off - a father figure I hadn’t given that title to - a friend that wasn’t ashamed of my likes and my heart safe because this time I’d keep it all a secret and maybe life would take pity of find me worth and give me a chance It didn’t matter that if felt impossible when the friends around me encouraged my heart.

With eighth grade came pressure. New people with new ideas that could cost me my friends and so, like a chameleon, I adapted. Swathed in black and safe in a subculture that said it was okay to be dark and quiet and edgy but not fitting in because the darkness hit too close to home and the openness behind hurt culture shocked. Because I’d rather hoard friends: old friends, edgy friends, Latino, Black, white, rather than lose them. Not fitting into any one group but pushing into all of them. Hate mainstream ideas - the football player behind you, the cheerleader next to him because that’s what the media taught. You don’t understand why when you don’t see anything wrong with them other than the entitlement given by others, the privilege of their birth. Collecting friends so that if - when - you’re forgotten, you’d always have someone else there to catch you.

Depression, real depression not what emo culture thought it is, hits in the 9th grade and you think it’s just the leftover from those fake-dark days. You think the pain from lightning through your veins is because of the lightning in the sky and has no correlation to the heaviness in your chest, the tears you hide into pillows, screams and sobs into your palms to not wake the house. You’re 14 and surrounded by children that you still play with, down to their levels of imagination and scraping knees on carpet, and you think it’s okay because they’re still children and you’re just entertaining them.

High school means being flooded with questions about college and your plans after graduation and you’re smart so everyone assumes you know everything you’ll need in order to take those next steps. No one asks if you need help, you face that world blindly and it returns to bite you in the ass. Your head and heart finally agree and for a few blessed months you’re free of liking, of wanting to be loved, yes, there is bitter anger but you hope it teaches you never to fall again. You find a home on the stage and think that maybe there’s some talent in you after all. The words flow from your head and your mouth to the page and you start to think that maybe, maybe, life can be okay.

Tenth grade and fuck up...and you don’t even realize until that you have until it’s too late and you’re drowning. Drowning in a feeling that starts off like a crush but ends up feeling like so much more. You’re scared - you freak out a ‘trusted adult’ trying to figure out your feelings, she thinks you’re gay and afraid (you’re not but that’s a discovery for later). He says you’re aggressive and, for once, you listen, You learn not to smack people in the arm when something stupid comes out of their mouths, the sweetness you buried deep inside starts crawling back out and people like her so you like her, you parade her around and sure, she can still turn a sweet smile into a shark’s grin, but she’s kind, sweet, what he might like - might be looking for. You heal certain wounds and never say ‘love’ because that’s heartbreak ready to happen. People encourage your feelings with playful testing, the harmless pushes of ‘maybe he likes you, too’ that fuels a heart waiting for someone to love it because…

INTERMISSION

It’s easy to put on a happy face and pretend that everything’s okay when people only know one side of the dice that is your life. They don’t see the years of hurt in your own home. The poison dart glare of your mother and its returned one from your grandmother, a cycle of anger they throw each other into, of burning cold silence and explosions and you stuck in the middle. Of fearing our grandmother walking out and leaving you with the weight of caring for others, of the storming out of my mother when she’s had enough, the way grandma looks when she does disappear into the night. They don’t know that you’d sworn to yourself that those three younger than you would never know how it feels to be trapped between them. All they know is that your home life is a mystery - you don’t have a nice house, a nice neighborhood, neighbors that like you. They don’t know about all the times you put yourself before the littles so they don’t get in trouble, don’t get yelled at, don’t fear. They’ve never seen the terrifying flare of your mother’s nose, the disappointment that curls your grandmother’s lip - both of them seeing you as an echo, a step away from making the same mistakes. You feel anger, resentment, more fear than love - but like in every case, you love them because you don’t know better. When have you ever truly felt love that didn’t come without a warning sign - that this feeling is fleeting for anger and fear might be on the horizon.

END INTERMISSION

Those feelings for him is your escape - a place to channel all the hope you feel. You think if he can love you, you can have a world away from the pain you’ve seen and he pays attention in ways no one else has. And still your imagination flourishes. You don’t share your likes because you’ve learned they quickly become obsessions - hyperfixation is not a word you know yet - and that’s not normal. And Junior Year starts beautiful and full of promises, of hope and ends with still more pining for a feeling you think is impossible and for a future that, for once, doesn’t seem like a stretch.

Senior year.

You don’t know what to expect except for what you know from screens and books - the culmination of your life and the beginning of it all. But things soon take a bitter turn, promises sour. You realize that before the heartbreak breaks you, you’ve gotta let go...because the feelings aren’t going away. So you try...and try...everything up to tearing your heartstrings out themselves, but you’re blamed for hoarding, for selfishness in something uncontrollable. But you try because you know that the happiness they’d feel would be enough, but he asks you for advice and you give it…and you get blamed for tilting the situation in your favor. You’re hurt…a friend is lost but you Go ON. Things slowly fall back in place. You make deals that you don’t know, one that people say to believe in: Give me Love returned or take these feelings away before it’s too late. Please. Please. You dance together at prom and you hate the way it feels. You try to pray the feelings away with no answer. He sits next to you in your tiny car, close and just hidden from the world and you’ve never wanted to kiss someone so badly and you pray that these feelings disappear in the next few weeks or you’re doomed. And still they remain. In hindsight, you wish you’d told him to reject you. A clean cut to set you free.

Graduation is supposed to mean the end of one chapter and beginning of the next, but it becomes the difference between a coming-of-age story to a tragedy. It’s hot and full of happiness…and sadness. Wanting desperately for a movie moment, a final act that seals a love that has always been there and making those dreamy romantic notions reality. But the buzz is too much and you lose him in the sea of people. Sourness in your stomach, the words of nights before echo: “Don’t let me make it past graduation. I know that everything will go downhill from there.” Sealed fate. Abu crying in joy, or was it acceptance? Her touching my hair and telling me how long it was getting. A lunch together before I take off to be with friends - so many friends and I think that I will never be forgotten. I said goodbye and rolled my eyes when my grandmother told me to be careful. I should’ve said I love you. I should’ve said something. Party hopping: joy, Joy, JOY because I’m accepted, I’m loved and it feels like I’ve made it. Like I’ve basked in Love meant for me, missing that one piece, but still drunk in joy…and it all crashes down with reality.

Chaos.

Police interviewing Mom, Police interviewing Brother, can’t see the littles and wonder if it’s about them. Then the words: grandmother, car - chaos. Be the strong one, be the steady one: Mom’s hurting, Brother’s hurting, littles are panicking, be the one with strength. Call him. You need his steadiness, his cold detachment - you need someone who doesn’t care but cares enough to keep you balanced. “Distract me,” you say and that droning voice does enough to push you forward. You are strong. So many times being told it and it becomes a mantra. But it’s also your downfall. You bite your tongue that says she won’t make it and ride that thread of Hope until it snaps. Excuse yourself. Pull yourself together in the hospital bathroom, be steady for the rest of them. Ask to see her. Don’t wonder about the bruises, the lifelessness of an eerily quiet body - so different from its snoring slumber, don’t focus on the stumps where legs should be - don’t think that this is the better option than seeing her live crippled. Don’t wonder how exactly it happened. You call him in a garden, May-warm night that feels cold and the stupidly selfish part wishes it’ll happen, that he’ll be there in this dark time and love could blossom.

You have a job to do. Hold yourself strong as mother and brother mourn, keep the younger ones joyful, fed, happy, clean - the world didn’t end, we just have to adapt. Become the missing person and pick up where she left off: distract the kids, fall into the quiet trap of summer. Summer had always been lonely, now it’s a different type of darkness.

The medium comes to your house and you’re a skeptic - this woman has been told about your grandmother beforehand and will tell you what you want to hear. She says vague things at first and you’re still standoffish, then she gets specific - things no one knows - and she echoes familiar words from the deceased: “They’re not your kids.”

But it’s too late.

You’re short on tuition, scholarships you weren’t good for, the things that they didn’t teach you have caught up and you resign yourself to not go to school - get a job to help the house - by some miracle you get the money, you make it in. Far from your dream - away from Spanish moss covered streets or a French castle - and into a world of hours in traffic, walks in a metropolis. Acting is a vague dream, so you turn back to the imagination you pen. You don’t learn to live on your own and instead learn how to care for, serve, others (in your head you feel Chris cackling somewhere, that you’ve served your rightful place as a woman). Everyone else is growing, learning, loving, and you’re still playing with littles, still trying to find connections among peers - both past and present. When everyone is much more applied, talented, artistic, open and you close up.

Your foolish heart still wants him, but your brain knows better - know that you’ll never see him again. That he’ll fall for a lithe and kind thing, traditional, safe - things you’ll never be. You want to rip that bandaid away, push him out of your life and hope that it snuffs out the flame. So you block him - he might’ve reached out to you - but you don’t know - and the question haunts you. You know you need help. It’s not healthy to lock yourself up and cry in the bathroom, mourning alone so no one hears, so you can stay strong, and hope that no one catches you hurt. You wait for your mother to explode in anger - it's been a while and you can sense it in the air. And now Abu isn’t there to protect, to take the brunt, to tell her off - what do you do. The therapist says to create boundaries and be able to live your life and you try - she made you say the word ‘love’ and you hate it - the kids need protection, they need someone to buffer it - your brother is in a dark place and spiraling, no longer the sunshine of the house. Like you predict, mom explodes and you stand up. Tell her you’re all terrified of her - of her anger, of tiptoeing around her. She withdraws and the fear paralyzes you, lives inside of you like ice, but the kids need to eat, need to play, need school, so you go on with your days, And eventually, she speaks and says she’ll do better. For the kid’s sake, you hope so, it’s too late for you.

You find yourself not liking anyone new. Discover a term you identify with: asexual. Because the body and its orifices are disgusting to you even though you still want to be cuddled, coddled, loved. You say demi because you’ve never been attracted at first sight, not until the strands of their being have been exposed to you and things make sense - why you can’t let go, why you can’t build something new when you can’t get to know anyone. Suddenly things make sense.

Your imagination is dimming. The world you're so meticulously poured your lifeblood into now withers and becomes hollow. Poetry mixes into the page, melancholic and sadder than it has any right being. The feelings you’d wished would dissolve come and go in tides, in sighs that replace his name, your heart aches and the heaviness fills your bones like lead. You try to make friends and, despite the privilege etched into the world of the young woman, you think you've made one - and then she drags you under a bus. All the while, you’ve been pushing people away, people that loved you. You still have such a strong love for all those people in your heart, people you’d written to, but your obsession lies in knowing if you’d even meant anything and you come up empty. You were never a friend, just a passing character in their lives. Again, you hide yourself. It’s too late to build up these walls that made you tough and mean, but the cynicism creeps back in.

Someone had once said they’d seen you become less cynical - they'd be sad to see it return, but they’re not around anyway.

You chose your family over yourself, over friends, over making a life, and now...People get engaged. People get married. People have children. They have friends they meet up with - friends they want to meet up with. They have significant others. You know it’s a matter of time before you break. You’re not envious, you’re so happy for them, but you feel so hurt and chillingly alone. A burden on everyone you come across. But you made yourself this way. You’re afraid of being jobless, a financial burden in the household you’re still living in, so you find a job in the one place you can fall back on - school. In the place you think appreciation lies. You want to help kids not become you. You forget the specters of pain hiding in corners - you forget that memories can quickly become tangible. Not ready for the emotional weight this job brings, the kids you cannot help. The kids it’s too late for, the disrespect because people still see a child and that’s all you’ll be - never enough for others. Cynicism settles in your heart, quiet is your friend, self-flagellation your comfort.

It gets better.

Then it gets worse.

Realize how you’re bound to this land when your brother gets to leave. What blood-spilled oath has tethered you to this place and refuses to let you escape? You chose to stay and protect children that didn’t ask for protection. You chose this job. YOU chose your family over yourself, over friends, over making a life, and now YOU’RE TRAPPED and there’s no escape. You try to do things you love, you make an exchange, a deal, with higher beings: If this doesn’t work out. It’s a dream not meant to be.

See unfortunately that’s how I see the relationship with God works. They will never give you anything without taking something else away. It’s an exchange, not a gift.

It doesn’t work, but someone does get that dream and you try not to be upset. To be happy. But bitterness sets in because you wanted a moment to get to shine again, to be more than a shadow and they seem to grow brighter as you dim. Cold settles…colder than it’s ever been. This is depression like you’ve never known and it claws at every strand of joy, every light swallowed. For the first time, you want to draw blood. First, it’s kitten scratches, nails biting into flesh. Then you find a tool of irony - the broken fragments of a happy family picture - and cut deeper. The beads of blood you offer to the Heavens and hope that, for once, it appeases the being that seems to be set on punishing you so soundly.

Am I a scapegoat of some familial fault? Payment for the sins of my parents? My grandparents? For my own cruelty? Am I such a horror that I deserve a lifetime of torture and punishment at my own hands?

You feel lonelier than ever. Push away people because you don’t deserve joy and people don’t want to be brought down by a killjoy like you. Feel the sharp edge of childhood in your face as sneers replace smiles, as stoic faces replace shallow happiness. Fuzziness. You move like a robot. Disconnected between mind and body. Watch yourself, detach from the body. People question the scars and the lies fall easy, swallowed down because it’s easier to accept that self-mutilation. And all the while you’re searching for Home. You don’t know what that is because you say it in the comfort of your bed. Find comfort in sleep, find comfort in your new hyperfixation - in the angel and demon on your shoulders and their love, fictional or maybe hovering over you - it’s the only thing keeping you going. You imagine them loving you and it almost feels real. Until the illusion shatters and the loneliness returns. You’re a bird of paradise, flaunting around in bright colors to hide the numbness inside. And you know for the first time in your life that the chemical imbalance needs to be fixed. Medication helps. Meditation helps. And, for a short bit, religion helps. But there is always numbness underneath.

Then slowly things start to come apart. Blame the distance, blame disease, blame that “everyone is feeling the same”, but you feel less than before. A new void of nothingness - even the sweet brushes of hopeful love extinguished and you want to be alone. Alone keeps you safe. You’re gone and no one notices. You’re gone and want to stay gone. Spirited away by feathered embraces, to a place where there is Love.

Writing comes and writing goes. That world you created, that you loved and filled with people you loved is now an empty chasm or what might’ve been. You can’t enter that headspace because they’re gone and you’re alone and - and they were never real to begin with. She faded with your spirit, the world you thought would always be there is now something you don’t even recognize anymore. It was a world built on the hopes of a girl - with the promise of love and a future that this woman no longer sees. So you pen the outpour of your soul, the things you cannot tell people out loud.

You don’t want people to reach out, because it’s always the same. Offers of help that you can’t take. You’ve always taken care of others but you can’t take care of yourself, can’t let others take care of you because you’re a burden. People that get busy and you can’t drag them away from that just because you’re hurting, that’s not their job - it’s not what they signed up for. Let them be happy. They can be happy. Don’t drag them down with you. So stay in your little corner and hide stare yourself in the eye and see if you can pull yourself out of the hell you created. You don’t want the supportive words that you can’t even process, that you hear but can’t let them sink in anymore. Affirmations mean nothing. Touch is no longer allowed with this fucking virus and it’s all your hungry soul want. You want love - a love you don’t have to share - a type of love you don’t have to share, but your hunger for that needs to be starved.

Plus, you’re only word vomiting, not asking for help, not asking for attention, just letting it all hang out. You haven’t had anything to hide in so long, just that no one listens - no one has the time - and you suck at writing. You can talk about all the new medical shit, the imposter syndrome you had this week, the anxiety, the seasonal depression peeking and shaking hands with the regular depression. But what’s the point. Just write it down, let it all out and hope you can ease your fuzzy mind.

#me #writing #my writing #lots of TW #self reflection #tw: self harm #tw: dissociation #tw: panic attack #tw: anxiety #tw: depression #tw: bullying #tw: death #tw: description of injury

[blackcatanna]

Kinky TB Adventures (probably) with Okita Part 1: Kyoto Winds

Finally playing another Hakuoki route because I spent 10 hours travelling yesterday and I deserve some imaginary romance, damn it! Choosing Okita because he seems fun and I hate that he disappears from the story pretty early on in most routes and then dies off screen :'(

WARNING: I wrote a lot :) 

Intro:

I don't know why but Kodo's evil old man face made me laugh so much during the intro.

Playing the prologue because it has a hearty chunk of Okita in it and it's been a while since I played the game.

Chizuru talking about the invisible wall between herself and other people is relatable af :')

"I'm not sure if I belong here... No. No, that's all in my head." < < < ME. Hello imposter syndrome, my old friend :')

I now feel like a li'l bitch for complaining about my journey yesterday when Chizuru WALKED nearly 500KM from Edo to Kyoto X_X

I'm loving this old timey film effect on the Kodo flashback.

I feel like Kodo's actions and motivations change depending on the route so I'm not going to try too hard to wrap my head around them here.

I love that "Ronin" is basically shorthand for "Evil Douchebag Thug" in this game X_X

Yukimura: "Be careful, father! Kyoto is a dangerous place!" Also Yukimura: "I have nothing to fear because I look like a BOY :) " Selfless but foolish X_X Although, you could argue that being reckless is selfish because it disregards your loved ones' feelings, should you get hurt.

At least the game gives these ronin names :') although... they don't have eyes. I think I'd rather have eyes, if I had to choose.

"I could still hear the ronin cursing loudly" I just have an image of these three guys running through the streets of Kyoto yelling, "FUCK. SHIT. PISS. ASS."

This game invested a lot in blood effects and sounds and I respect and appreciate that.

"He died with the first blow" Silver linings?

"They were... broken" :'(

Awe, the furies look so happy to see me :') JK, this scene is appropriately chilling. They do have big smiles, though.

More blood splashes and visceral blood descriptions :')

Okita, your sadism is showing.

Or maybe he knows that Saito doesn't like killing his comrades and that's why he wanted to kill them first :O :O :O

"if you just sat back and let them kill the kid, you could have saved us some trouble." -_- I enjoy Okita's banter but I have a feeling that it's going to be a bit one sided because Chizuru doesn't do back talk X_X

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND, WHY IS OKITA NOT BLINKING?!??

Oh here we go. Let's take a moment to worship Hijikata. I still think that Saito and Okita are better looking but sure, let's take a break to gush about "smooth, dark hair" in the moonlight and "the wistfulness of flower petals" "as if the cherry trees were blooming out of season" X_X ick.

HEY. CHIZURU. REMEMBER WHO RESCUED YOU. IT WASN'T THIS FUCKER.

OH GOD, IT CONTINUES, "His voice was cold and quiet, like a blade of ice. Blue-white moonlight lit his slender face.." blah blah ick.

OH, WE'RE STILL NOT DONE?!? "But it wasn't the sword making my breath catch. It was his eyes. They were fierce and hard, but somewhere behind them... I could catch a glimpse of... something else." Blah blah, troubled, mercy, blah

"Run, and I will kill you. Do you understand?" SPLOOSH (yes, I have been watching Archer)

I was sort of joking about being aroused by threats of violence but swords are definitely sexier than... whatever that whole flowery passage was...

Okita still is not blinking O_O

Hijikata telling Okita to shut up is a mood. Sorry, Okita.

Okay, NOW Okita's blinking. Guess all it took was Hijikata suggesting that they're going to kill me for a change. Apparently, only Okita's allowed to threaten to murder me X_X

Side note: if anyone reads this and is wondering if I'm aware that I switch between "You", "Me" and "Chizuru" then yes, I am and no, I don't care.

Apparently, Okita blinking was a fluke. Maybe he only blinks when he is pushed off stride or, like, flustered or surprised?

Also, I don't tend to think of Okita as being especially tall but he's taller than Hijikata!

"So we should just kill people now?" Um... you don't do that?

"What?! Come on, you can't be serious" HE SAID, BLINKING AND THUS BACKING UP MY THEORY.

"Almost as if I was being... drawn into their world..." Oh dear! We wouldn't want that to happen, that's not why we bought the game at all! :P

"A world where there is nothing strange in carrying on a normal conversation in the dead of night with corpses for company." Edgy. Although, I hope that this conversation is far from normal O_O

"As you wish." Hijikata is Saito's Princess Buttercup. I'm not jealous.

WHOA. I was just musing about death as usual and now Okita's RIGHT UP IN MY FACE.

"We did save you, didn't we?" WELL, TECHNICALLY, Saito saved me. You suggested letting the furies KILL ME.

"I didn't realise right away he was speaking to me." How? He's taking up the entire screen?

"Thank you very much." Fair. "I apologise for not thanking you earlier." Okay, calm down. It's not like they gave you a chance to speak in between death threats.

"The man called Hajime also looked confused. His eyes were wide and he had an expression I couldn't place." Then allow me: STARTLED ERMINE. Hijikata's is DISGRUNTLED HORSE and Okita's is SMUG LYNX. Aka: how three different animals react to the discovery that their prey is a girl. I know that horses don't hunt prey. However, they do have to deal with it when their animal subordinates unwittingly capture it.

"He broke out in laughter again, so much so that he was forced to wipe a few tears from his eyes" I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU'RE HAVING SUCH A JOLLY TIME, YOU ASS.

Now that he's figured out that I'm a girl, he's suddenly keen to introduce himself :P

"The one you should be thanking for saving you is Hajime Saito" CORRECT.

Is he deliberately trying to let him kill me by giving out as much info as possible? O_o

"His fingers like iron cables around my arm." Kinky.

"The cause of my horror wasn't the gruesome end that awaited me, but something else entirely." Hanging out with these crazy fuckers.

Chapter 1:

Damn, I wrote a lot more than I had expected for the prologue X_X

"My limbs were tightly bound in tight knots" I wouldn't be surprised if Okita was a shibari expert...

"This is no way to treat a guest of ours" Obviously, Inou-bae is trying to be kind but this feels like something a supervillain would say after their minions bring you to their lair X_X

"he smiled at me and winked" get this man a route! Actually, wait, how old is Chizuru... OKAY, FORGET I SAID THAT. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO FLIRT WITH THIS 16 YEAR OLD GIRL. Although, maybe a dad route? No romance, just familial love. He's a better dad than Kodo. NO DADDY KINKS ALLOWED.

Apparently, Harada and Nagakura being "lively" is supposed to reassure me?!

Ah, Okita and his hilarious jokes about invading my personal space.

I'm so glad that Saito doesn't let him get away with this nonsense <3

And now we're sticking up for Saito and calling out Okita's bs <3

"the smile lingered through his bright eyes" Oo-er

"He looked more like a boy than a man." Says you!

The baka trio look so done X_X

"Their faces were still blessed with youth" Phew. Looks like we'll have some eye candy while we're brutally executed.

A STICK?!? THEY'RE CALLING ME A STICK?! HAVE THEY NOT SEEN THE ANIME INTRO?! CHIZURU HAS TITS!!!

"The hell I will, boy!" Calm down, Kratos.

"You could be taken for interrogating" not if you assholes don't make such a song and dance about me witnessing your shady activities! How would anybody know to interrogate me in the first place?!

"Let's just kill the kid" How about no!!!

"I was just kidding." WERE YOU, or did you just change your tune because daddy Kondou told you off? -_- I don't think Saito's buying your shit.

"Hehe." XD best response!

Side note, how am I the first person to witness the furies in action?! They run around the streets, chopping people up and there are already rumours about the Shinsengumi committing brutal crimes.

Also, how often do they sentence men to death? There are a lot of men in the fury corps and I bet that some choose death or try and run for it and die in the process.

"I think that Souji has a point" BOO, HARADA!

"Uh-oh. Well, this is going to make it even harder for us to simply let you go..." He's doing the not blinking thing again! Maybe that's because his prey is in his sights... O_O Also, thanks a lot, Heisuke X_X

"A man should always be ready to face death. You should make your peace with yours." Okay, first of all, I look like a child to you! Secondly, bit sexist! Not all men choose the path of the warrior. Thirdly, AS IF, I'm just going to lay down and accept my POINTLESS murder just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. No, Nagakura, I am NOT okay with being MURDERED. How dare you imply that I'm a coward for not wanting to die for this BULLSHIT.

Not sure if I mentioned this last time but Sano's casual suicide comments remind me of being at uni :')

"there's something I want to look into." Is it my stuff? Are you going to go through my stuff now? X_X

"I... I'm sorry." I forgive you, Heisuke! As for everyone else who's acting like this is all my fault and you've done nothing wrong, fuck you. Y'all shouldn't be doing evil science in the first place, especially if you're then going to try and justify MURDERING everyone who glimpses the evulz.

This whole bit reminds me of a DnD party where everyone's arguing over whether or not to kill someone. This is definitely more like a DnD argument than your average movie argument X_X

"All right, Saito, take care of the kid." 😍 Yes, Saito, take care of me :D NOT IN A MURDERY WAY O_O

Time to RUN THE FUCK AWAY. Maybe, if they hadn't acted like murdering assholes, I wouldn't be doing this but they don't seem to give a fuck about me so AWAY I GO.

"I knew it was rude, but I had no choice but to try and open the sliding door with my toe." Priorities X_X They kidnapped you, tied you up and threatened to kill you countless times. Honey, you stick it to those fuckers with your shady toe opening.

WE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT OUT OF THE ROOM!!!

"Sorry," No your not -_- "but now we've got to kill you." No you don't!

"Then you may do whatever you like with me." Um, why is this the Okita romance option? XD Don't say those words to that sadist, who knows what he wants to do to you! O_O

"We aren't going to eat you or anything." ...Damn X_X I hope that your stance changes if we get married.

"Heh. Never seen such an innocent girl like you." Ugh. As if. Running around dressed as a boy. Can't be that innocent. Certainly not if he read my last comment :P . Anyway, YOU SOUND CREEPY, TALKING LIKE THAT XD

"All right, all right. Now, tell your big brother... Why were you cross-dressing around Kyoto?" THA FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL YOURSELF?!?? And MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS XD DON'T KINK SHAME ME!

"Well, 'she' claims to be a girl, but it's not like we have any actual proof, right?" Um, I'M not the one who said that I'm a girl and I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. I WILL FIGHT YOU FUCKERS IF YOU COME NEAR ME >:(

"My apologies, but I took the liberty of checking through your belongings." I wouldn't mind, except NOT ONCE did they give me a chance to explain myself or plead my case. He could have just asked whatever he wanted to know and then checked my bags to verify it X_X

"Hey now," HEY NOW, NOW, sing this corrosion to me... No? I'll be quiet :(

"So, you've been withholding information from us?" YOU BARELY GAVE ME A CHANCE TO SPEAK, YOU DICK!

Welp, they've agreed not to kill me and yet Okita's still taking it upon himself to threaten me with death while fixing me with his unblinking, predatory stare X_X

"Gee, didn't take long for you to change your tune once you knew she was a girl, eh Shin?" TRUTH

"Having a lady here at headquarters is sure to brighten things up." Joke's on you: I'm a goth ;P

"you can't just pawn her off on someone else." Okita, nooooooo! Don't make me work for this grumpy bitch!

"I hope you you'll take good care of her." Wink wink, nudge nudge. What's the matter, Hijikata senpai? Am I not pretty enough for you? :'(

"You sons of BITCHES." HEY. HIJIKATA. NO NEED TO INSULT THEIR INNOCENT MOTHERS. Just call them straight up bitches :)

"The Shinsengumi keeping a woman here... If such rumours were to spread, tongues would begin to wag." Yeah, yeah, so we might as well just all fuck. People are going to say we're doing it, regardless, so let's get this over with...

Or I could keep pretending to be a man. That could also work.

"You're gonna get a room, and you're gonna stay in it." FUCK YOU

"I could have sworn we decided she was going to be someone's page" O_O FUCK YOU EVEN MORE, OKITA.

So... lonely... must... find... friends...

Okita and Saito friends :D

When I first played this game, I was really keen to find my "father" but now that I know what he's like, it's hard to muster quite the same level of enthusiasm X_X

"Draw your blade, unless it is merely decoration." Spicy! I'm glad that Yukimura is not so easily goaded into fighting.

"I'm not lying." You tell him, girl!

Saito and Okita's stunned faces when you suggest that you might accidentally hurt Saito are priceless! X_X I guess this shows that you take this seriously, though.

"Excuse me... You don't have to laugh..." XD Is this almost sassy?

Surprise, Okita likes it when I do what he says despite understandable reservations XD

Saito looks way too happy to be doing this XD was this just a chance for him to show off? :P

IS HE LAUGHING AT ME?!? XD RUDE!

WHA THA FUCK. I think that it was a glitch but there were suddenly about seven Saitos on screen. Maybe that's what it feels like when you're fighting him.

Woah, it happened again, only this time there were two and one was squashed.

I'm fine with there being more Saitos.

Aaaaand he's holding a sword at my throat... Sploosh? Shut up, swords are sexy. I probably watched too many period and fantasy films as a child...

"In the blink of an eye, his face was only inches from mine," O RLY? 😏 WAIT, I'm supposed to be playing Okita's route X_X Must... stop getting distracted...

"Your master should be proud." SAY IT AGAIN 😍

"I then noticed how wildly my heart was beating." Though not from fear, right? ;)

"You all right?" Kind words? FROM OKITA?!?

"polite applause" FROM OKITA!?!

"If you want, we'll keep you company." Yes, Okita, obviously I want that :D

First sign of madness: talking to your own head!

Okita could look less smug about catching me talking to myself -_-

"I wanted to scream, but before I could open my mouth, Saito stepped out from behind the door." X_X Well, they did say they'd keep me company.

"I think that's enough fraternising, Souji." Wait a second...

"I figured if I left the two of you alone, it would be longer before I saw either of you," ... Why does that sound slightly risqué? -_- I feel like this scene changes slightly depending on your affection levels...

-_- The only reason Heisuke is short is because Nagakura's stunted his growth by constantly stealing his food.

"How are we to deal with accepting such insanity?" MOOD.

Wait, does Okita subsist entirely on sake?! O_O

"Try not to worry about eating too much or being a freeloader or something. Just eat your little heart out, okay?" Surprisingly wholesome content from Okita :')

Takeda! <3 My douchey doppelganger!

"your adorable page" -_- Watch it, "big brother"

"I'm not having any of your insolence today." Hijikata temporarily transforming into a villainous English aristocrat.

And after aaaaallll that, I'm just going to stay behind to spend some quality time with Okita, probably X_X

"Huh!? Why? You're finally getting the chance to search for Kodo." GOOD POINT. However, gotta get that dick, amirite?

"Perhaps, I should have gone..." YUP. PROBABLY.

"Are you regretting it? If you are, then you should've just gone with them." TRUTH.

"He smiled wryly before continuing while touching my chin." WEEEEOOOOA WEEEEEOOOOA PHYSICAL CONTACT ALARM. WE HAVE INITIATED PHYSICAL CONTACT. IT WAS WORTH STAYING BEHIND AFTER ALL!

"You don't regret it at all? Not even if you knew that Hajime and I went out of our way to convince Hijikata?" Aw, y'all did that for me? Yeah, this is a terrible decision X_X Except for the part with the chin touching. I guess stalking you overrides all logic?

"I was surprised. Saito did make that promise" and what? You thought he was a liar? Girl.

"It was actually Hajime that convinced Hijikata." Not sure if Okita's being modest but this is making it reeeeally hard for me to stop myself fangirling over Saito. Again.

"When I see Saito later, I need to apologise and give my thanks to him." YOU BETTER. >:(

Did he just call me useless (in a battle)? XD I mean, he's not wrong... As we will no doubt soon find out...

Wait, wait... He just said that if I'm in danger, I will become a nuisance and he'll FRICKIN' STAB ME. WHAT?! DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU THE GREATEST DANGER, OKITA!??

Chapter 2:

Did we ever apologise to Saito? X_X

"Please allow me to continue looking for my father!" Where was this enthusiasm earlier -_-

"If you want that risk, feel free to join us." Ooooooh, scary.

"Remember that you're here to keep me company" Um, excuse me!?

Burn down the city and kidnap the Emperor while everyone else is "losing their shit." This seems like the plan of crazy people o_O

"Would you care to join us." Kondou's making this raid sound like a dinner party X_X

Chizuru getting distracted by the more "elegant" night uniforms while preparing for the raid is a Big Mood.

Am I going crazy or does this game normally give me more choices here? Am I being paranoid or is it now shipping me with Okita? Can't I normally choose to go with Hijikata or stay behind?

"Giving the enemy a good, loud warning that he's about to kick the tar out of them. That's Kondou for you..." Okita kind of has a point X_X

"They sauntered towards the inn" Quite the image.

Oh shit! Okita's fighting Kazama O_O

"Okita was battling a ronin." Damn, you're lucky that Kazama can't read minds X_X

"Thanks for the dance, chump." -_- Kazama's such a dick.

"You're our enemy, so you've gotta die." Okita's philosophy is simple and elegant.

"His sword moved in large, crude arcs, while Okita fought with skill and finesse." Wow, SUPER glad that Kazama can't read minds O_O

EXECUTE PLAN: HURL BOWL AT KAZAMA.

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE: OKITA SENPAI NOTICED ME.

Wait... WHAT WAS THAT "WET CRUNCH" WHEN KAZAMA KICKED OKITA'S CHEST!??!? O_O IS THIS HOW HE GETS TB?!? O_O

"Wet, tearing coughs." OH FUCK O_O

"I like watching children squirm." WTF, Kazama. BEGONE, THOT.

:'O Injured Okita is trying to put himself between me and that crazy bitch <3

Oh damn, he is coughing e blood :'O

"What a fool" UUUURRRRGGGGH KAZAMA IS THE WORST. SOME PEOPLE CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE, KAZAMA. AND SOME PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO PUT THEMSELVES IN DANGER BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT MORE THAN THEIR OWN SELFISH NEEDS.

"I... I can still fight..." NO.

"You always said you'd kill me if I got in your way..." OOOOOOOOOOOH! HERE WE GO! THE FAÇADE BEGINS TO SHOW CRACKS *munches popcorn*

Iba... y u no mention our shared childhood?

ISHIDA POWDERED MEDICINE.

Nagakura says that it's delicious... I wonder if it tastes like cough medicine. Cough medicine is delicious. And addictive...

"I would never have thought that Toudou or Okita would return from a fight injured..." Why, Inoue? Are skilled and strong warriors invincible?

"The injured are a burden, so we shall remain here and guard the compound like obedient soldiers." O_O Ouch, Sanan!

Wait, I don't get a choice to go with them?! I KNEW IT. THIS GAME KNOOOOOWS! I'm too far down the Okita path to turn back now, I guess.

"Um... " Chizuru is me trying to make small talk.

Weird isn't necessarily a bad thing, Chizuru! Take it as a compliment!

I feel bad for not realising how badly injured he got during the raid during my other playthroughs X_X

I thought that I'd somehow missed the scene with the children because this playthrough's taking so long because I'm making so many fricking notes X_X Turns out, I have a lot more to say when you actually get to spend time with the chosen boi.

"Oh, don't worry. I didn't kidnap them or anything." ... GOOD!????

"I was bored" Hey, I get lonesome too! Why can't you come play with me? D:

"They take care of me." Pretty cute. :3

"You wanna come play with us?" Duh!

"No" GURL

He really does look like a happy cat when he smiles!

Wow, these children have a lot of attitude.

"It's a place for men to do, um, work." Yes, just normal human work. Nothing funny going on here.

"They're catching bad guys and keeping Kyoto safe" "No, they're not. They're just killing people." These kids are SAVAGE :')

"Can't deny that" ... Way to back me up, Souji...

"I probably hear him talk about death everyday." Wait, really? What exactly does he have to say about death?

"The Shinsengumi are a bunch a weirdos." :') And that makes them extremely lovable!

Last time, I tried defending the Shinsengumi and Okita ended up terrorising a child so LET'S PICK THE OTHER OPTION AND SEE IF THERE'S LESS CRAZY...

"Don't tell me you're taking this seriously?" CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE, OKITA!

"They all look like bad guys." Why? Because they're hot?

"I didn't know what I was supposed to do..." Uh, maybe tell this childries not to judge a book by its cover? Idk, maybe try and suggest that the world is not so black and white? Definitely don't mention the bloodlust.

"Grinning like an idiot." You're just jealous of his happiness, you cynical-ass child

"He's a wuss." UM, pretty sure he's the most powerful member of the Shinsengumi so stfu :P

"He grabbed the child" Oh dear... Here we go...

Okita! Use your words to teach the children a lesson! Not whatever this fucked up shit is X_X

Ah, ruling with fear! :') When has that ever backfired?

"I'll tell them I'm sorry. Then I'll tell them how awesome Kondou is." GUD. >:(

Uuuuugh, I'm so so tired and I've written so much CRAP so I will SLEEP and play the next bit tomorrow! :D

#hakuoki #hakuouki #okita #okita souji #SALT #kyoto winds

[leagueofidiots]

I'm great at keeping us occupied at least

Heya, so I had a rough Thanksgiving and started that draft I've talked about...after certain things happening I no longer really want to work on it anymore, but enjoy what used to be a good concept! Still can't do the "keep reading" thing, sorry

No trigger warnings, just know this is after my NaNoWriMo, but you can read it without context just fine. Some Shigadabi and Magnetmagic, but nothing huge

"Everybody pack up your crap, we need to drive up to Sapporo," says Shigaraki, laying Father over his face.

"Why can't Kurogiri just take us? And why do we have to go anyway?" Toga groans.

"He's not feeling well, so I don't want to overwork his quirk. We're going because I said so."

Twice lowers the bottom half of his mask to cover his mouth. "Whatever you say, boss!" He begins shoving various things into a knapsack. "I just wanna lay around and do nothing!"

Dabi slowly gets off of his bar stool. "Oi, creep, you know I get car sick, right?"

"What?" He continues placing hands over his upper body. "Since when?"

"Since I made a slightly large turn. Personally, I think he just likes whining," says Spinner, nose pointed up to the air.

"Well we just won't make any 'slightly large turns' then." Kurogiri gives him a sideways glance, but Tomura promptly ignores him. "Toga, I'm serious. Get up. You're not getting out of this."

Magne pulls up the younger girl by the arm. "Who's driving? I'll have to take a pass, I don't have a license."

"You're in your thirties, how do you not have a licence?" asks Twice, standing at the door like an eager boy scout.

"My parents took mine when I got my pronouns and name changed, and then I committed two murders. That sort of eliminated the option." 

"Oh." He shrinks sheepishly. "Well, I'd say they had it coming then. Murder is not a good way to solve your problems, Kenji!"

She shrugs. "I have Pringles, you think I should bring them?"

Compress grins, debating between his masks. "Oh, absolutely. I would still like to know our business in Sapporo though, Shigaraki. It could affect what I wear."

"Well, I'm hoping to avoid the public once we're up there, so bring one of the ones you can stuff in your bag."

Dabi looks at his boss in disgust. "Really? We're stuffing things in bags, and you're bringing all fourteen of your corpse hands?"

"You say that like you're not a walking chunk of rotting barbeque as is, player two."

The black-haired villain shrugs. "Fair enough. Just don't make me carry the bag or anything."

"So can I drive?" asks Suichi eagerly, trying to get back on topic. "I really love feeling the power of a car under my hands."

"If you've already made Dabs blow chunks, I don't think that's a great idea," says Toga, digging knives out from under the couch cushions.

Spinner pouts. "Fine."

Kurogiri finishes a drink he'd made for himself, and looks around at his murder babies. "Is everyone all packed? I am sorry I couldn't make us a warp gate."

"It's no prob, Kuro, we all feel under the weather sometimes," says Jin, back to looking like he's waiting for Disneyland and not a sixteen hour drive from Yokohama to Sapporo. "I blame you for my suffering."

"We're all packed," says Atsuhiro loudly, finally placing a mask over his face. "Which car are we taking?"

Over the past several weeks, the league had stolen a lot of cars. Toga said a crime that took such thought and planning was basically pointless, but Jin liked hotwiring cars, so what else was there to do? So the league now had five vehicles, including a baby blue minivan, a pink bug, an orange pickup truck, another minivan (this one white, it was Tomura's favorite), and a bright green sports car. Compress had them stored as marbles in one of his coat pockets.

"The minivan," says Shigaraki, grin creeping past Father's fingers. "You know which one. And I'm driving."

"Shotgun," calls Dabi, sulking over to the door. "One more window to look out of as I try to keep my insides where they belong." Tomura rolls his eyes.

"So, are we gonna play any road trip games?" asks Toga, considerably more excited than when Magne had to drag her out of her chair.

"I dunno, what did you have in mind?" The tone in their boss' voice suggests he's going to turn down whatever she says, but Himiko never has been good with his social cues.

"Truth or dare! Twenty questions! Spin the bottle! Two truths and a lie! Would you rather! Kiss, marry, kill! Concen---"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" he snaps. "Whatever, just pick one. Maybe it'll stop Dabi from puking his guts out in my stolen car."

As Compress expands the white van in the alleyway next to the League's hideout, Toga cheers. "Jin, what do you want?"

"I don't care. Two truths and a lie!" He quickly clambers into the car, seizing the back left window seat.

"Sounds great!" She shuffles in next to him. "Kuro, you start!"

He lets out a short sigh. "Yes, alright, fine. I suppose I can come up with something."

Dabi hesitantly gets into the front seat, setting his own empty knapsack by his feet. "This better not get weird, or I'll just hop out of the window."

Shigaraki gives his boyfriend a pointed glare as he takes the wheel in his half-gloved hands. "I told you, you're not allowed to make jokes like that anymore. You worry me."

"Sorry," he says dryly, not sounding very sorry at all. "I'll just eat all my Altoids at once then."

The rest of the team piles in, Suichi next to Toga; Compress, Magne, and Kurogiri in the middle row. "Why wear our villain costumes if we're being discreet when we arrive?" asks Spinner, struggling with his scarf.

"To scare civilians when we stop for food. I hate lines," says Tomura, starting the car.

"Are you sure you know how to drive?" asks Jin, hand raised. "I have complete faith in ya, boss man!"

"Yes, I know how to drive, I've been playing racing games since I was younger than Toga!" he snaps.

"Okay, okay, go," says Himiko, smacking her hand on Kurogiri's shoulder.

The purple void thinks as Shigaraki pulls into the street, already scratching at his neck. "Hm...Alright, I'm ready. Number one: I am twenty-eight years old. Number two: my real name is Morimi Yoshiano. Number three: I have a scar on my eyebrow that makes it look like I shaved a slit in it to be edgy."

Magne laughs. "That third one has to be the lie."

He shakes his head, sending swirls of mist into the backseat. "Entirely true."

"Number one is," rasps Tomura. "If that were true, I would have met you when you were thirteen or so. Possible, but unlikely."

"Well, I suppose it's fitting you guessed it. Is it your turn then?"

"'Morimi Yoshiano'. That sounds off for some reason. I think I'll stick with 'Black Fog'," says Compress.

There's a murmur of agreement across the car. "Okay, I think I'm ready. My hair used to be black, I hate Sonic the hedgehog, or I've never been in a movie theatre."

Dabi turns to him with a "ha". "I know for a fact your hair was black as a kid. And everybody hates Sonic, so---"

"Excuse me, what?" Tomura almost swerves into the next lane as he turns to his now-green-tinged boyfriend. "Everybody hates Sonic?!?"

"Face the street, creep, and stop treating this like bumper cars," he says in a wavering voice.

Shigaraki faces forward. "Sonic was and is an iconic video game, vital to the development of---"

"Was it the lie or not?" whines Toga.

He huffs. "Yes, it was the lie. Your turn."

"One: I used to think Tomura was cute. Two: I've eaten dog before. Three: One time I stabbed Dabi's arm while he was asleep, and he didn't even notice."

Kurogiri looks back, slightly disturbed. "I'm not sure which answer I want to be correct."

"I don't think you'd eat a dog," says Jin, though he sounds unsure.

"That's what she wants you to---" A weird noise from Dabi cuts Spinner off. "Gross, man."

Dabi tosses a mint at his teammate's head after popping one in his mouth. "Shut up. I can't help it."

"This is getting boring, you guys are being too easy," says Toga. "The lie was the dog one."

"So what now?" ask Twice. "I am perfectly content!"

"I dunno, why don't we play spin the bottle like you suggested earlier? It's certainly high risk," says Magne.

"High risk? What do you mean?"

She grins, adjusting herself in her seat. "Well, we have a gremlin with crusty lips, a queasy piece of bacon, me, Sako, a void, a sociopath, Deadpool, and a lizard. There's not really any solid wins besides my boyfriend, and that's brought down by the fact that his not-singleness makes it awkward."

Suichi grins. "Like a game of chicken. I'm in."

"I wouldn't call myself a void, but alright, I guess."

"Isn't Himiko a minor?" asks Shigaraki, itching his neck.

"You're concerned about that but not---" Dabi hiccups, "---not driving with a hand over your face?"

Tomura huffs and takes the hand off, tossing it onto Dabi's lap. "Happy? Now I may be a criminal, but I have, like, morals."

"Oh, come on, Shiggy. I'm consenting. And it's just a little kiss," she whines. "I don't have any people my age to be my age around, you know? I want my teenage years to be as teenager-y as possible."

He stops joltily at a red light. "Alright, but if this is what we get arrested for, I blame you."

She grins. "Okay, just let me pull up the app!" Jin huddles over next to her for a minute as they type in names and adjust settings. "Ready! Who's spinning first?"

"What's the punishment if you pass?" asks Compress, taking off his mask and fanning himself with it.

"Hmmmmmmm." She taps her chin. "A good question."

"Whoever chickens out has to buy the person they didn't kiss something from wherever we stop," suggests Magne. 

Everyone groans. Everyone is broke. Even the author, writing this at 1 am after a mental breakdown is broke. The fourth wall is broke.

Anyway.

Toga presses the button on her screen, and the automated sound of a spinning game wheel sounds throughout the car alongside Dabi's groans of discomfort. "And I will be kissing...Suichi!"

The scaly villain groans. "Why me?" Still, he faces his left and takes the quick peck. "Okay, my turn." His clawed finger presses the button, and once again suspense fills the air. "Compress, that's you."

"Must I?" he asks dryly, turning around. The ordeal is over as quickly as the first round, and Compress removes his glove. "This is setting up to be a long road trip." The clicking begins once again, and finally lands on Kurogiri's name.

"Whoaaaa," crows Jin. "Are you gonna have to deactivate your quirk? We don't want his face going through. That would be hilarious!"

Kurogiri tenses. "Um. Well, there is always the option of buying you something."

"We're all broke and you know that. Come on, it isn't that bad." The magician pulls his glove on, leaning over his girlfriend.

"Yeah, besides, we wanna see your face! It's like a fun little mystery!" says Toga, leaning forward on her elbows.

Tomura glances back. "You don't have to if you don't want to, Kuro."

"No, no, they have a right to know what I look like. It's waited long enough," he says with a sigh.

Dabi, bag held lazily in one hand, turns around slowly, trying to act apathetic. Kurogiri rolls down his window, letting a gust of air in, and the fog around his slowly dissipates. 

"Whoa, you're kinda hot, in a weird, battle-worn kind of way," says Jin. "That's a lot of damage! And we're gonna repair it using flex tape!" He puts a banana sticker on the man's forehead.

Kurogiri peels the sticker off slowly, taking a few purple hairs out in the process. His face is scattered with patches of light skin, making his dark eyes stand out against his features. "What is flex tape?"

And this is where I stopped oof

#lov #league of villains #save me #the last sighting of Kuroplier #RIP #writing

[claimingtheflame]

Lincoln Trail Mental Health Facility Part 1

Once again I want to reiterate that a lot of these posts are diaries I wrote never finished. Some of them jump around in my life. The story is about something that took place several years after D left

I remember the moment I turned in the paper. It was nothing. The last question asked my thoughts on the final death of Juliet. I sympathize. To this day I do. Many people probably do. She ended her life because she was in the grip of a mythic tragedy. Who could walk away from such a fate?

Except. Even though this is exactly how I felt, my teenage brain did not yet have the skills to articulate this. I ended up writing something like "I feel what juliet did was right. The world is ugly and filthy and who wants to live in it without someone you love." Because I was an edgy goth kid.

This would send me into the clutches of my own sort of tragedy. A brutal, destructive storm began churning that friday that would completely knock me out of my stupid unlaced combat boots on monday.

It happened like this. I walked into first period, Biology. I sat next to Adam, my closest friend. A knock came shortly after the period started and it turned out to be a senior girl who wanted me to be escorted to Mrs Mudds office. I did not know who that was. It turned out she was a counselor. She had coppery hair and a long, perky, somewhat simian face.

In this story, there is a long list of incompetant people who should not have had their jobs, and possibly should have been in prison. Mrs Mudd is not one of them. As much as I dislike her to this day. Maybe she did really mean well. Maybe she was just swept away by the drama of the whole situation. This is Elizabethtown KY after all.

We talked for a few hours. Looking back, I really don't think I said anything to her that should have been construed that I was depressed or suicidal. We talked about a secret place I visited in the woods behind my neighborhood. We talked about various religious beliefs and about music I listened to. Either way, my mom picked me up from school and I was somewhat excited for the break-in monotony.

We have drove to Lincoln Trail Behavioral Health Center , and I really didn't know what was happening. I had friends who had gone, but I didn't really believe that's why we were there until I saw the look on my mom's face as we walked in. There was a serious feeling of betrayal then. Like God woman haven't you put me through enough. This was an unfair thought. My mother is the second person blameless in the story. I would find out later that basically everybody from my school was telling her I was planning on killing myself quite literally. Mrs. Mudd had apparently told them that the place in the woods was my planned spot to die. I had self-harmed in the past. It was all pleasure related though and I thought it had nothing to do with my mental health. Either way it had been months prior to this, but it added to the Snowball Effect.

I'll admit that I didn't really understand my own mental health at this age. I had just been released from D's clutches only a few precious years earlier. I had no clue what was going on. I was going through a suspended childhood in many ways. All that said, Lincoln Trail Behavioral Health System did not help or address any my mental health issues. Let me reiterate. Aside from some experimental self harm 6 months prior(I received counseling, was evauted, etc), at age 15 I was pretty well behaved. I rarely got in trouble. I certainly never acted disturbed. Lincoln helped nobody who actually went there. In fact I barely escaped with my life and sanity. This is not a dramatic statement. This was a terrible place, as you will learn.

I was obviously scared the moment I walked into this place, all the stories I heard. We were buzzed through a security door after a few accusatory last looks at my mother when I went in quietly. I heard if you resisted or yelled that they gave you a shot in your ass of some kind of sedative. I did not want to give anybody the satisfaction roughing up the goth kid and shooting them in the ass. This was a short-lived Triumph. I would learn quickly that this place was not for me and that there was some horrible mistake pretty early on . I was led to a room and told to take off my clothes down to my underwear. I was told to turn around in front of this guy, who nodded with approval after watching and told me to put back on my clothes. I was wearing really baggy SpongeBob boxers. I guess I could have gotten away with hiding something into the facility. That's the thing. I wasn't a f****** delinquent. Not yet or not anymore depending on how you look at the chronology of things I did as a teenager. Anyway I do remember a kind moment here. The guard escorted me down a hallway and a girl smiled at me brightly. "It's really not that bad here." She said. I smiled and shrugged. This was more of a kind gesture than I realized, I would find this out later.

I was then led to the office of the first real fuckup in this story. This would be my counselor. I don't remember her name. She was somewhat nice to begin with. I'll call her mrs. Wannabe because later she would read a bunch of poems about her Native American ancestry. This extremely blond, blue-eyed woman with a square German face and freckles. Me and Wannabe would talk for about 30 minutes and she would send me on to my actual psychiatrist. I do remember this man's name. I will never forget it. His name was dr. Kodali. We can call him King fuckup. Fuckup prime.

He was a small man, with a small mustache, and skin the color between a beet and a russet potato. He spoke in broken English. He asked me why I thought I was there. I told him about the paper I wrote. He smiled and said " yes we all say things we don't mean. " he asked me if I follow the rules at home. I said yes as long as they are within reason. He laughed at me and said " my own daughter thinks several of my rules are not within reason. Children come to learn to obey. " we did not talk about depression, and this statement would turn out to be significant in many ways. It would come to outline the failure of this institution to children who actually suffered depression. Which I will admit that back then I might have been suffering from. Certainly anxiety. But who doesnt, to some degree?

Let us frame our Shit Pit King with what I didnt know about him before I explain my own experiences. He received kickbacks for pushing certain medicines. This is an important detail. He had been accused on several occasions of over-prescribing meds. He was widely hated as a doctor, and I can't believe he still has a job.

During my first visit, he was mostly dismissive. Interrupted me and laughed at me often. He was mostly interested in my behavior. If I acted up. If I respected authority. Literally nothing about suicide was discussed. So why did this guy prescribe meds at the end of our conversation? He picked up the phone, called my mother, and gave her the dosage information. I narrowly escaped this medicine, whatever it was, due to a surprising hero figure in the story who we will discuss later.

He dismissed me and I was sent to "group" for the first time. This is nothing like "support groups" you see in Lifetime movies. It was a huge room, an obnoxious amount of desk chairs crammed in a circle. Boys on one side. Girls on the other.

I immediately dislike this. It feels tense, and I feel scrutinized. I try to ask a girl near me if I can use one of her pencils. She folds her arms and rolls her eyes. " I can't talk to him." She says to the ceiling. This gets the attention of the counselor of the group, who is actually just an early 20-somethings aide of some kind, there are a few of these. This one I call Nick neckbeard. He says " we are here to work on our problems, not to date. " I am immediately embarrassed. I definitely wasn't trying to date anybody. I let it go but it does set the tone.

Since I am the new kid, a round of introductions is done. Not a lot of these people are notable other than the fact that a lot of them are in here for drugs. Some are in here as an in-between stage between Juvenile Detention and Society. I get the distinct feeling that most of the boys are here for drugs and violent crime. I reflect bitterly that I am in here for writing a stupid paper.

There are several thug wannabe types, maybe two or three other white guys that aren't like that. One obvious skinhead as well. It's split in half racially. Five white Boys & 5 black. There was a round of introductions. Most were there for, as mentioned, substance abuse and violent behavior. The skinhead boasted of being in because he stuck foreign objects in his body. He stabbed himself with pens and various utensils. Another boy was in for desecrating graves. The girls were almost exclusively substance abuse. There was one Arab girl that was in there, and though she talked much I never quite understood why except that I knew she definitely needed to be in there. She either talked incessantly of sex or repeatedly told this story about a "bad doll" that lived in her house- all in broken english.

So this was the introduction to the place. Honestly yes, I would have problems with the other patients. That's really out of the scope of the story though. They are mental patients. What do you expect?

The true problem with Lincoln trail was its staff and overall structure. Such a problem was this structure that it would break me down to that kernel of a child you see on all the other stories on this blog. Such that Lincoln trail would reduce me again to that boy child whispering a question to the darkness: "Why am I being punished?" It would make me know, through recognition and reinforcement of abusive themes I was already familiar with, that I was not in a safe place.

The first night I felt this first blow through humiliation and guilt. It was a simple thing really. We were sent to bed. A corridor with a small basket on the outside of each door. A female counselor was pointing each of us down the hall to our rooms. When my time came, she pointed vaguely down the hall to the right side. I tried to ask for clarification and she shouted "Right there!" And my immediate reaction to being chastised like this was to go to one of the rooms with my belongings. She did not stop me.

I noticed one of the wooden bed frames(they were double rooms with single bathrooms) had no mattress. My roommate was a boy my age. He had close-buzzed haircut. He seemed politely surprised. I shrugged and got in the shower. When I turned the water off, I heard yelling on the other side of the door.

The boy was yelling angrily that he did not know who I was and that he had nothing to do with me. He was explaining that I came into his room unbidden and to no fault of his own. I dressed quickly and came out of the bathroom as soon as possible. A middle-aged blond woman grabs me by the arm and began leading me out of the room. When I asked her where we were going she did not say anything but tightened her grip and sat me down in a chair. This woman becomes important later. Five minutes later Dr kodali came into the office with my other counselor, both looking at me sternly.

I apologize for not knowing the exact words of the conversation. Basically the boy was supposed to have his room to his self. He was gay and had been known to have had sexual contact with other patients. They grilled me hard about whether or not I was gay and deciding whether I should be disciplined. Dr kodali somehow remembers that that my girlfriend had given testimony(positively) over my mental health and he seemed to leave it at that. The blonde lady didnt seem convinced.

When she led me back to my(actual) room, she took the liberty of going through my clothes and belongings. She confiscated basically all of my clothing, saying that it would distract patients(black jeans and tees...none of my flashier stuff). She confiscated my copy of Cannery Row, all my homework, and my shampoo. She really let off on me while doing this. Talking about how sneaky I was and if I was planning anything with Chester(the gay guy) that she would know.

This was Day 1. I would kneel beside the bed that night and pray(I just prayed to 'the goddess' back then), just to feel peace inside. I was so put-upon about the stupid clothes. They were my armor, in a way.

The next day would be a lot worse. I'd learn a lot.

[niftyfifties]

how the media handles difficult topics (the 50s vs. now)

“The New Kid in Town”: Teenage Life and What it Means to Be Adult 

The 1950s: Rebel Without a Cause

Rebel Without A Cause, the 1955 film starring James Dean, talks about being new in town and coping with this new change through rebellion. Jim, played by James Dean, is a highschool junior who’s new in town and obessed with maintaining his masculinity and honor. As I’ve said in previous posts, his toxic obsession with honor stems from his relationship with his father and is the reason why he hates being called chicken. Throughout the film, Jim’s new environment constantly questions honorable he truly is. After a knife fight in the planetarium parking lot, Buzz challenges Jim to a chickie run in the name of honor. Jim accepts the challenge, still concerned for his safety. At the chickie run, Buzz isn’t able to jump out of the car in time, and his car falls off the cliff and into the ocean. Shortly after, Jim goes home and tells his parents what happened and that he wants to go the police. However, they beg him not to. This moment is obviously portrays the parents as morally flawed, and to do the right thing, Jim tries to run to the police station to tell them, for honor. The film illustrates teenage years as a time of self-discovery and growth from a kid to an adult. In this moment, Jim is showing us that being adult is about being honorable by doing the right thing and taking responsibility for your actions, especially when the world around you is telling you not to. 

The 2000s: Mean Girls 

Mean Girls, a 2004 cult classic about the “fetch” Cady Heron, also addresses what it’s like to be the new kid in school, and what it means to be in adult. In contrast to Jim in Rebel Without A Cause, Cady copes by trying to conform to fit in with others at her new school, rather than rebel. After hatching a plan with Janis and Damian to mess with Regina, Cady becomes obsessed with becoming a part of the “girl world”. Being accepted by the Plastics was her top prioirty, even if it meant talking behind people’s backs and compromising her integrity. Through the Burn Book plot and Cady’s inability to fess up to her actions at the all junior girl meeting in the auditorium, Mean Girls also shows the importance of taking responsibility for your actions. Cady ultimatley learns the importance of being selfless, responsible, and kind to others when she admits to making the Burn Book. When Cady confesses, she doesn’t mention Gretchen, Regina, and Karen’s involvement in it. While it may seem like she’s protecting them, the film portrays this moment as a milestone for Cady. She is taking full responsibility for her actions, and refusing to put others down for her success. In the context of the movie, lifting others up and taking responsibility for others is what being an adult should be all about.

Being the Only POC in the Room: Race and Social Equality

The 1950s: No Way Out

During the early 1950s and 1960s, American filmmakers solely created two roles for black actors: the villain and the misfit.  In 1950, Sidney Poitier landed his first role in a movie as Dr. Brooks in “No Way Out”- a racially progressive film about a hospital’s only black doctor dealing with Ray Biddle, the racist brother of one of his patients. This movie challenged racial stereotypes, paved a way for more black voices in American film, and showed that African-Americans are more than the boxes society tries to put them in. In a scene where Dr. Brook treats Ray’s brother (Johnny), Poitier’s character challenges racial stereotypes of an irrationally violent and dangerous black villain by remaining calm despite Ray’s verbal and physical abuse. While trying to inspect Ray’s wound, Biddle blows smoke from his cigarette into Dr. Brooks face. However, Dr. Brook ignores Ray’s instigating actions and continues on with his work. Ray clearly expects a negative reaction based on Dr. Brook’s race. Despite this, Dr. Brook refuses to embody the vicious character that Ray expects, only giving him a stern glare in return. Later while Dr. Brooks inspects Johnny’s eyes, Ray hits him. Rather than responding to violence with violence or raising his voice, Dr. Brooks employs the handcuffs on Ray’s bed to keep Ray from disturbing Dr. Brooks during his work, continuing to challenge Ray’s and the audiences’ perspective of Dr. Brooks and black men being irrational and inhuman. Poitier’s portrayal of a black doctor who is a rational, level-headed person was practically unseen before this movie and challenged the racist image of the black villain.

The 2010s: Dear White People

Dear White People is a Netflix original that shows the lives and interactions between black and white communities in college. When it came out, it was extremely controversial, since it was describing nuanced issues in a very blunt and frankly dividing way. However, people have praised the show for its ability to show different and valid perspectives on multiple issues regarding racism (both through micro-aggressions and violence) and social justice. The main character, Sam White, hosts her own radio show and continously attacks Pastiche, a white fraternity on campus for being racist and creating a school unwelcoming to people of color. The plot of the first season focuses on Pastiche hosting a party where everyone showed in blackface and black arrest on campus. Even though many of Sam’s opinions on the show are valid, many of her black and white peers state that she can’t properly understand black issues because she’s mixed and has a white boyfriend, and her lighter skin automatically gives her an advantage. Throughout the season, as she and her friends fight back against the racism on campus, she discovers/shows the rest of the campus that others can’t make assumption about her identity nor try to define it for her just because she is mixed. 

Both No Way Out and Dear White People do a fantastic job in showing that being black means something different to everyone, and it is unfair for other people to judge someone’s black identity or try to define it.

The Beat of a Generation: Mental Health, Identity, and Navigating the World

The 1950s: On the Road

On the Road is a direct reflection of the beaten community of his generation, the lowest of the low who are looked down upon and beaten down by society. This is the generation that came to the conclusion that society sucked, and On the Road continues to show just how meaningless American life can be. After spending his time with Dean, who he admired because he mistook his craziness for orginiality, finally realizes he is insane after going to Mexico with him and having a dream about how destructive. It is in this moment that Sal Paradise realizes that he can’t spend life running and having sex forever, but should learn how to be comfortable in himself and his identity.

The 2010s: Bojack Horseman

Bojack Horseman is an edgy comedy about a self-loathing and problematic horse famous for starring in a 90s sitcom called “Horsin’ Around”. The show follows Bojack as he tries to regain his dignity and rebrand himself as a serious actor while reflecting on his damaging childhood, abandonment issues, commitment issues, depression, anxiety, and more importantly: himself. Bojack Horseman shows that anyone beaten down by society can be from anywhere. Through Bojack’s long and problematic journey to going to rehab and getting therapy, the show demonstrates that anyone can have issues of trauma, and it is important to get help. I’m not saying Bojack Horseman is necessarily a good person, but his journey to rehab shows how people who have experienced trauma can have trouble rediscovering their identity/navigating the world outside of it. On the Road also talks about what people need to do to find their identity, but the book and show make very different conclusions as to what these actions might be. In On the Road, it’s more spritual, and becoming comfortable with yourself means becoming comfortable outside of society. In Bojack Horseman, becoming comfortable in your identity and happy with yourself means taking concrete steps to get help, and leaning on your family and friends for support. Furthermore, Bojack Horseman says that everyones trauma and issues are real, while On the Road criticizes the issues of the elites.

#bojack horseman #dear white people #no way out #on the road #rebel without a cause #mean girls #1950s #tv and film #mental health #identity #growing up #race #race in the US

[tcm]

The Alluring Appeal of Ava Gardner by Theresa Brown

It’s here folks! One of TCM’s signature programming events and one of my favorites: Summer Under the Stars! For August, TCM features one movie star a day and programs a full 24 hours of their films. I can’t think of a better way to get a sweeping overview of a film star’s career. Let me tell you a bit about my pick.

Do you know how captivating and alluring and uniquely famous you have to be to be known by just your first name? Anyone can be a Harlow, a Barrymore, a Valentino...a Garbo! (Actually no…they can’t! ) But a first name, now that’s tough. You’d have to not be confused with anyone else sharing that same name. In the 1940’s, there was the premiere blonde, brunette and redhead of glamour girls. There was Lana, the Blonde – kittenish and cute as a Barbie doll; Rita, the Redhead – regal, aloof, drop-dead gorgeous; but for my money The Brunette of the 1940’s who beats out The Sweater Girl and The Love Goddess is AVA.

Ava Gardner was sensual, down-to-earth, edgy. She could kiss you as soon as kill you. She’d steal your man right before your very eyes by just walking into the room, and she could be heartbreakingly vulnerable. Not bad for a girl born on a tobacco farm in Grabtown, North Carolina, going barefoot much of the time. Unlike the other bombshells who were discovered in person at a soda fountain or dancing in a nightclub, circumstance has it that Ava was discovered from her photograph in the window of her brother’s-in-law photo studio. The rest is history (which you can read on TCM or in Lee Server’s biography Ava Gardner: "Love Is Nothing"). She became a star overnight...though it took Ava a good five years of ‘overnights’, lots of B pictures and two husbands (Mickey Rooney: 1942-1943 and Artie Shaw: 1945-1946) to have her first real major hit in 1946. Ava had a better and longer lasting career than Lana and Rita.

Of her films showing, the ones to particularly take note of are those coming into her own as an actress in the '50s, showing that she was not just a pretty face. I’d like to recommend a couple of her movies for you, starting with her first real big hit, THE KILLERS (’46).

It’s an iconic film noir that’s tough, complex and not at all dated. My friend says the first 12 minutes are Killer! And she’s right. Ava’s good as a femme fatale with a faux hint of damsel in distress. When she first appears in the movie, Burt Lancaster (in his first movie) sees her and is a goner. So are we. You can feel her in the room. Don’t let her hushed, whispery voice fool you. She’s no shrinking violet about to take a beatdown from her husband in front of his gang. Instead, Ava laces into him in a room FULL of men, with this threat:

“You touch me and you won’t live ‘til morning!”

I relish that moment.

In SHOWBOAT (‘51) [the Sinatra years ...], Ava plays riverboat performer and “tragic mulatto” Julie LaVerne. Those quotes are on purpose. Isn’t she really just a woman in love with a man she’ll never have, wrapped up in 19th century racial politics? We see her take the slings and arrows of trying to pass for white and by the end of her story, she’s bedraggled.

Ava’s also very good in BHOWANI JUNCTION (’56). Again playing a bi-racial woman, the film is set during the time the British are leaving India. Ava’s character doesn’t deny her dual heritage of Anglo-Indian. She is torn, though, between tradition and falling for the dashing British military soldier played by Stewart Granger. It looks like everyone else has the problem with her; she’s not fitting into any box nicely and neatly. She challenges their perceptions. She is harassed and nearly sexually assaulted because of her heritage. She doesn’t trade on her looks in this film and again, she’s a woman unlucky in love. You know what? I find these movies about interracial romance endlessly fascinating – in the many ways they keep couples FROM being together. 

Personally, I hate re-makes. So, of course it stands to reason that I love MOGAMBO (’53). (Go figure.) I think it’s cool to find Gable starring as ‘The King’ of the jungle in his second go-round with this story. He’s a man who has to choose between two women. Well, let’s say two types of women. In the original 1932 version, RED DUST, Gable is torn between the lady Astor (Mary Astor) and ‘30’s blonde bombshell Harlow. (See...that last name). By the time 1953 rolls around, John Ford directs this deepest, darkest, technicolor African safari film and Gable’s choices are between one of the 'It' girls of the ‘50's: future princess of Monaco Grace Kelly and the saucy, sassy Ava as Eloise ‘Honeybear’ Kelly. Ava’s a good-time girl with Gable...they got ‘history.’ No strings. She’s sexy, but that’s not all she shows. Ava has a scene with a baby elephant which shows off her comedic timing. And when Ava sees that Gable prefers the prim and proper blonde, we hurt for her. Ford gives us a lovely but sad moment with her on that veranda, when she drops the devil-may-care mask. I love the angry, fiery Ava...fur flying, but the heartbroken Ava tugs at you.

MOGAMBO marks Ava and Gable’s third teaming together, the others being THE HUCKSTERS (’47) and LONE STAR (’52), hence the easy breeeezy chemistry between them.

THE BAREFOOT CONTESSA (’54) is a big-budget Hollywood film where we cover the rise and fall of a small-town dancer/turned actress. As with Lana and Rita, men chased them, but I find more often than not with Ava, she does the choosing. She is the object of desire in THE BAREFOOT CONTESSA, but what these men fail to understand is you can’t control Ava; so whether you’re a millionaire playboy or a powerful movie executive as they are in this movie, she stays with you for as long as you’re not a possessive pain in the neck. She maintains her independence through each relationship. The story unfolds in flashback and we see how Ava’s Maria Vargas winds up where she does. Maria’s story reminds me a little of Ava’s real-life story; plucked from obscurity, thrown in the spotlight, not happy in relationships. It’s dawning on me that Ava’s characters do well when the man is her plaything. But let her fall in love...and it’s her undoing.

Ava and Humphrey Bogart have great chemistry here and it’s one of my favorite Bogart roles. I wish they had done more films together. But I understand the chemistry was on-camera only. Bogie was Team Sinatra in Ava’s and Frank’s turbulent years together. She and Edmond O’Brien (Academy Award-winner for his nervous and sweaty press agent he portrays in this film) appear here together for the second time. She’ll work with him a third time in 1964’s SEVEN DAYS IN MAY.

If you can only see or DVR one film of Ava’s tonight, PANDORA AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN (‘51) is a MUST-SEE.

“I’d die for you without the least hesitation.”

Ava is at her most ravishing in her entire career in this film. Her beauty is other worldly, the screen drips with her. And who better to try and match her beauty but master cinematographer Jack Cardiff. Ava plays Pandora, a selfish girl who weaponizes her beauty. Boy oh boy, what men do for her. She's like the mythological Siren whom men are compelled by. It’s not that she sends men to their doom; they willingly leap into it. And I’m telling you, Ava works it.

In talking about this movie with my friend Wendy, she explains to me Ava’s appeal and she really helps crystallize for me just what it is about Ava. She says it better than I could:

“She is a woman who lives like a man. Ava is just so much herself in this movie. There’s no pretense. Somehow with director Albert Lewin she is relaxed and confident. And in glorious color.”

In PANDORA AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, Ava is headstrong, bored, looking for kicks, does what she wants; not totally uncaring but a bit careless with people; sad she can’t do anything about men falling for her. She feels nothing...until she meets a man onboard a boat who, sight unseen, has been painting her portrait. The magical realism of the film takes off. You have to see Ava hopelessly in love. You have to see this movie.

TCM’s Summer Under the Stars programming is a good way to see an actor in one fell swoop. Perhaps it’ll make you want to explore her other films. See her in EAST SIDE, WEST SIDE (‘49), ON THE BEACH (‘59) or especially her tear it up in NIGHT OF THE IGUANA (’64). But for here and now...spending all day with Ava is not a bad thing.

#Ava Gardner #Summer Under the Stars #TCM #Killers #Barefoot Contessa #Clark Gable #Humphrey Bogart #Pandora #Turner Classic Movies #Theresa Brown

[turdblossommm]

I’ll Fly Away {8}

Summary: You had a rough childhood and are closed off from people in fear of being hurt again. James Barnes is the complete opposite from you, he grew up well and healthy. James Barnes knew how to get what he wants but when he faces the challenge of knowing you will he succeed?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

A/N: OOHh looks who's trying to be consistent

part seven // masterlist

“Are you sure you’re up for this Annie? We can always stay home and watch movies or Golden Girls” You offered Annie as you pushed her chair towards Winny’s house.

“Nonsense, I’ve never been one to miss a party” She folded her hands in her lap “And Winny’s son is quiet dashing so I plan on setting that up” She smiled while you shook your head

“Annie I told you I’m seeing someone” You chuckled

“I’ll believe it when I see it” You knocked on the front door and Rachel swung the door open

“Hey I’m so glad you made it” She smiled as you pushed Annie in “Everyone is in the backyard” Rachel showed you to the yard that was perfectly manicured with white tents and table clothes. Every single guest was dressed and semi formal attire. You looked down at the grubby Doc Martins and ripped jeans and immediately felt out of place

“I didn’t know it wasn’t so casual” You muttered

“My mother is a fashion designer, this is casual” You nodded as Rachel noted your embarrassment “I might have something you can wear” You looked up at Rachel

“Oh no, it’s fine”

“What’s fine?” Rebecca chimed in

“Y/N sticks out like a sore thumb” Annie replied

“Annie” You looked down at her and she shrugged 

“It’s true” She wheeled away from you “And put a little make up on her, she’s looking so pale these days” You stared after her as she wheeled away to the food table and greeted Winny.

“Come on” Rachel dragged you inside

“Mom styled some grunge style clothing that’s really soft and I think it’ll look so nice on you” Rebecca smiled as Rachel pulled you into a room

“I’ll start hair”

“I’ll start make up” Rachel pulled your hair out of it’s messy bun and Rebecca started to dab foundation into your skin. When they finished Rebecca pulled out a thin strapped black dress that went mid thigh and a maroon cardigan that was the same length.

“I thought this with your boots would be so cute” She smiled at you as you agreed 

“It’s so edgy I love it” Rachel gushed “Throw on some black panty hose and you’ll be a whole snack”

“I’m not a snack” You looked at them “I’m the whole damn meal” You smiled while they laughed and left so you could quickly change. You analyzed yourself in the mirror as you folded your jeans and t-shirt. You looked like a completely different person.You stepped out of the room and the girls smiled and linked arms with you as the three of you walked back outside to the party.

Bucky kissed his mother’s cheek and smiled at Anette, the elderly women from across the street. She was doing better than the last time her saw her, his mother muttered something about her daughter being around more. Bucky sipped on his glass of whisky, wishing he would’ve asked you to come but he thought it was too soon to meet his family and he didn’t want to scare you away.

Winny smiled as the girls came back with you looking like a whole new person, a snack as Rachel would call it. She wanted to introduce you to James, but you were so distant from people that she wasn’t sure how you’d take it. So when your eyes found James, Winny could see the confusion in your eyes.

She watched you walk across the lawn, with confidence she’s never seen come from you. She watched as recognition crossed his face and he reached for your hand and then kissed your cheek as she watched you fold your hand in his. You barely put your hand in hers, let alone grip it and hold on to it.

Annie watched from the desert table as Winny’s son smiled down at you like you were the reason the sun shined. Annie felt at peace to know that you were willing to open yourself up to someone aside from your sarcastic roommate Natasha. 

“What are you doing here?” Bucky smiled down at you

“Oh you know I was in the neighborhood” Winny has never seen James bring a girl home, let alone show affection for anyone outside their family and Steve of course.

“James I see you’ve met Y/N” Bucky looked up to his mother

“Yes, her roommate works for me” Bucky smile, leaving out our remedial job

“What small world”

“Yes, very small” You smiled at Winny “My mom lives across the street” You informed Bucky 

“I’d like to meet her if that’s okay” You smiled and led him to Annie at the desert table. She smiled at you from the wheel chair. Annie watched as you approach as his hand pressed to the small of your back and you didn’t shy away. The sight make Annie smile, it makes her think of the first time you came to the house.

Henry was beyond angry that Annie had wanted to foster a child who probably doesn’t even have manners. Annie was buzzing with excitement, with all her children grown and gone she needed something maternal to keep her sane. The couple had a silent argument with each other as they watched the car approach the house.

Annie smiled when she saw you step out of the car. She descended the stairs to the car to take the bag and talk to the social worker. Henry followed slowly after his wife, they never had a girl and he wasn’t sure how to parent one.

“Hi I’m Annie” She crouched down to your level and stuck her hand out. You stared at her in silence and Annie realized this was going to be harder than she thought. She could see the pain in your eyes

“Y/N why don’t you go inside while Annie and I talk” You nodded and walked passed Annie who was still crouched down. Henry looked down at the tiny human as you passed him, avoiding his gaze.

“Did I say something wrong?” Annie asked as Henry walked down the stairs

“She’s had a very rough life”

“She’s ten” Henry grunted, how could she know rough?

“She’s foreign and was separated from her siblings when she was three. She was adopted and then she was given back and put in the foster system sir.” The social worker glared at the husband and Annie’s heart broke for the little girl

“Her family ? What happened to them?” She asked

“Her mother’s murdered by her father and he’s in prison on those charges along with a few others. Y/N has known nothing but violence and rejection all her life, so I asked that you try and not give up in the first week. This won’t be easy but when she opens up, she’s the most wonderful little girl you’ll ever know”

Annie made the decision that she would do everything she could to make sure your life was nothing it was before. She spent weeks trying to get a sentence out of you, while Henry couldn’t stand to watch Annie grovel on her knees with the child

“What’s wrong with you?” Henry asked one day while Annie was at the store and you were working on homework “Are you stupid or something?” He asked and you stopped writing and looked at him, you’ve never looked him in the eyes, or anyone for that matter.

“I'm not allowed to speak unless spoken to sir” Annie stepped into the house as she heard your little voice for the first time ,she almost cried on the door step

“We’ve been speaking to you this entire time” Henry narrowed his eyes at her

“I don’t want to be punished sir” Annie set the groceries on the counter

“What are you talking about sweetie?”

“At my old house we could only speak unless spoken to and if we spoke out of turn we got hit” You went back to your homework as Henry’s gaze hardened and Annie’s eyes filled with tears. Annie and Henry kept you for three more years and Annie wanted to adopt you but Henry said no and when they had to go overseas for work they had to send you away.

Annie regrets very few things in her life, but not adopting you was the biggest regret of her life. She would’ve given you everything you wanted, she would’ve sent you to the best school and you wouldn’t be stuck in a dead end job.

“Annie this is James” You smiled as she took Bucky’s hand in hers

“Y/N! Come take a picture with us”

“Yes get you’re tiny ass over here” You looked over to the twins and turned back to the Annie and James

“I’ll be right back” Bucky watched you bound gracefully over to his sisters 

“You treat her right” Bucky turned back to Annie “She’s lived in a world of hate she doesn’t deserve anymore” You nodded

“I promise”

“I need to make sure she’s taken care of before I go” Annie swallowed “She’s a tough one to crack but she’s worth all the work” Bucky nodded

“She is” Bucky agree while watching you smile for the picture the twins were going to post all over social media

“Bucky get your ass over here” Bucky shook his head 

“Duty calls” He chucked and walked over to you and wrapped his arm around your waist and smiled for the camera.

Taglist:

@skeletoresinthebasement @iamwarrenspeace @youreahandsomedevil @alina-barnes @xi-i-i-whatsyouremergency @ambivalence-is-me @101killer

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes au #sad bucky #bucky imagine #BUCKY AU #Winter Solider #winter solider imagine #winter solider x reader #natasha romanoff #marvel #Avengers #avengers au #MCU

[fae-fucker]

Review: The Murder Complex

by Lindsay Cummings

An action-packed, blood-soaked, futuristic debut thriller set in a world where the murder rate is higher than the birthrate. For fans of Moira Young’s Dust Lands series, La Femme Nikita, and the movie Hanna.

Meadow Woodson, a fifteen-year-old girl who has been trained by her father to fight, to kill, and to survive in any situation, lives with her family on a houseboat in Florida. The state is controlled by The Murder Complex, an organization that tracks the population with precision.

The plot starts to thicken when Meadow meets Zephyr James, who is—although he doesn’t know it—one of the MC’s programmed assassins. Is their meeting a coincidence? Destiny? Or part of a terrifying strategy? And will Zephyr keep Meadow from discovering the haunting truth about her family?

Action-packed, blood-soaked, and chilling, this is a dark and compelling debut novel by Lindsay Cummings.

There’s a video on YouTube where Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings try to promote Zenith and their favorite books by speculating about what sort of books Andi would enjoy reading.

Lindsay, being the humble creature that she is, says that Andi would enjoy this book. Why? Because Andi would recognize Meadow’s methods as similar to her own? Because Andi would enjoy reading an edgy “thriller” because she too is edgy? Or even because both Andi and Meadow are beautiful waifish white girls with silver hair who don’t particularly mind killing people?

Actually, no, you absolute fool. Sasha speculates on why Andi would enjoy this book (because of the title and how both Meadow and Andi have … uh … something … in common) and tries and fails to give Lindsay a way out. Lindsay admits to not listening, occupied with her book, which she lovingly strokes while staring into the camera.

I think this says a lot about Lindsay herself, Andi’s personality (or rather, lack thereof), and most importantly, the content of this here book.

This review contains spoilers and discussions of potentially triggering topics.

The Writing

I don’t have much to say here. Zenith was far, far worse when you just compare the prose. It’s simple, bare-bones, and straight to the point. Perfectly mediocre and not memorable at all. It flows well enough, and if it weren’t for uuuh everything else in this book, I’d say it’s a quick and easy read.

It does get very melodramatic and edgy at times, but that is to be expected, and since the melodrama mostly avoids getting too purple or lasting too long, I will officially give Cummings the “I could read your book mostly without cringing at the words” award.

The story is told from Meadow and Zephyr’s POVs, and I’d have to disagree with other reviewers who said that their narration was too similar. I mean, it wasn’t spectacular and they definitely had some overlap in expressions, but I could tell that Cummings was making a conscious effort to make them distinct and for me, it worked (mostly past the first half of the book where both of them just mope around and sound very similar), so I commend that.

The Characters

Now, while Andi OH SHIT FUCK I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT THAT WASN’T A BIT I LITERALLY JUST TYPED ANDI INSTEAD OF MEADOW

Now, while Meadow and Zephyr are distinct, that doesn’t really mean they’re good characters, yea? Honestly, they’re pretty much the only ones who get any type of development and the only ones who can, paradoxically, turn off their edge and just be normal people every now and then.

Meadow is supposedly this Strong Femail Charactor who does Bad Things for Good Reasons. And … I mean, yeah? Like, I don’t remember ever feeling like she obsessed over a man, and her motivations were always either keeping her little sister safe or surviving or figuring out the mystery around their society and how it ties into her own family. As far as YA heroines go, Meadow isn’t terrible. But she’s not exactly interesting, either. She’s always collected and rarely loses her cool, she displays few emotions outside of anger, and is generally cold and downplayed to the point of having barely any personality traits. I guess it’s sort of on purpose? But there are ways of making a character subtle and still interesting, and Meadow just feels like somebody packaged a Strong Femail Charactor right out of the factory without slapping some paint on her first. Idk, I guess if this is what Lindsay was going for then she did a good job, but personally I prefer my protags to be a bit more … more.

I will apologize to Meadow for calling her Andi, though. Andi is a lot more smug and obnoxious and has fewer reasons to be.

Zephyr is a harder to define because I’m pretty sure he’s intended to be more colorful than Meadow, but he comes off as even more generic than her. He’s a convincing enough teenage boy at times, because he lusts after Meadow like a puppy and thinks in super dramatic and poetic prose about how perfect and beautiful she is. But outside of that, he just sort of exists and the plot happens to him? He has no consistent personality traits and no flaws that he has control over. He’s partially brainwashed to murder on command and he’s like, sad about it, for a second, but accepts it pretty quickly and swears to help Meadow out for … reasons? Idk I guess he’s in love with her or whatever. The blurb implies he wants to keep her from discovering the truth but he pretty much helps her from the start.

He’s perfectly non-threatening — a boy next door type if next door was a war zone. Most of the time I wonder how many hands he needs to count all his braincells. One? Or mayhaps two? Whatever happens he just sort of rolls with after a chapter or two of angst and he ends up feeling like he’s a crutch for Meadow, a non-character there to fill the role of the snarky sidekick whose personal conflict is a minor subplot, which is admittedly fairly unusual in YA, but for a co-protagonist isn’t ideal, as one might imagine.

Koi is Meadow’s overprotective older brother who wants to beat up Zephyr for reasons and refuses to chill. And yes, that’s his name.

Periwinkle/Peri is Meadow’s younger sister and Meadow’s Moality Pet. And yes, that’s her name.

Meadow’s dad is an abusive asshole dad who is Too Hard On His Children but whose lessons Turn Out To Be Helpful in the end. No, it’s not his name but I can’t remember what it is and can’t be assed to look it up because he’s just Meadow’s dad. Oh and he likes torture? While Meadow acknowledges her dad is fucked up he’s still treated as this wise authority figure who gives good advice and is only a result of his environment. Society is evil, so that’s why he treats his children like shit and teaches them how to murder good. It’s to protect them, see?

Talan is Zephyr’s best friend and teenage sex worker who lost her child and now is vaguely suicidal but it’s supposed to be charming and quirky??? Talan is the only major character to die brutally for shock value and she seems to welcome it. Tbh she was the only interesting character in the whole book so I actually felt bad when she was killed off like that.

And then there’s a bunch of other characters but what’s the point of me telling you about them since they’re all generic as hell and only exist to spout exposition at Meadow and her boy toy.

There was another character I liked well enough, but only because she was the only PoC and her name was Sketch, which is a pretty neat name, but she didn’t have much of a personality except “snarky hardass” and was basically a Deluxe Edition of an existing “snarky hardass” character. She appears only in the late chapters of the book and is there to get brutalized for the sake of our two white protags. She didn’t die though, so there’s that?

The Plot

Alright, alright, I guess I have to write something.

I honestly have no fucking idea what the plot was. The blurb pretty much tells it all: Meadow meets Zephyr, they fall in love (?), Zephyr goes all Terminator on her ass and she’s like ??? and then uh … turns out Meadow’s family/dead mom are involved in the Murder Complex, which is the thing that’s making Zephyr and other random people kill others when remotely “activated” and so now they gotta find out what the heckity heck is going on, I guess?

It’s a clear enough plot but the motivations are a little weak, especially on Zephyr’s side. One would think he’d like to get rid of the whole “murder on command” thing in his brain but he seems to be able to fight it off easily once he meets Meadow and he’s more focused on helping her for reasons.

Yeah, I’m … I’ve already forgotten large chunks of the story so that should tell you something.

The “Worldbuilding”

O SHIT HERE COMES THE JUICY PART OF THE REVIEW.

*clears throat* Here we go:

The Shallows, Night Siren, the Initiative, Catalogue Number, Commandments of the Shallows, Creds, the Perimeter, the Silent Hour, Before, Rations Department, Pirates, the Dark Time, the Pulse, the Pin, the Red train, the Blue train, Wards, the Leeches, the Graveyard, the Survivors, Rations Hall, Initiative Headquarters, Wards of the State, the Gravers, NoteScreen, Evaluator, the Catalogue Dome, the Pit, Cred Orb, the Furnace Room, the Library, Sellout, the Hospital, the Believers …

Holy shit I don’t think I’ve gotten all of the Important Names yet and I’m already tired.

Y’all. This is the worst case of worldbuilding laziness I’ve seen in a while, and I’m someone who absolutely hates worldbuilding and will let authors get away with minimal effort. This? This is awful. And the thing is? I get it. I might’ve forgiven this because coming up with names is HARD and we humans usually go for the obvious anyway so this makes some amount of sense.

The problem is the fact that there are some words and concepts that are PERFECTLY REGULAR (i.e. the Hospital is literally just a fucking hospital) but still capitalized for no goddamn reason other than it being an attempt at sounding all sci-fi and dystopian without any actual effort. Everything blends together and the concepts are so generic and so MANY that it just becomes noise and you’re forced to simply roll with it and stop trying to actually imagine what anything looks like or where it’s located or how it works.

*takes deeep breath*

Speaking of how it works, let me tell you about the main premise. Basically, there was a war, a big war that tore the US apart like Lisa tears apart Johnny. Those who survived the war were infected with a plague, creatively named the Plague, that threatened to wipe out the population. One 20-year-old scientist cured the Plague, along with literally everything else, including death. Thanks to “nanites”, humans can no longer die of natural causes. This leads to overpopulation, and to stop this, the person who invented this all-cure comes up with another absolutely brilliant idea: let’s make MORE humans, but these humans have brains that are programmed to kill on command. Who gets murdered is chosen at random each and every night in a lottery, and survivors have to clean up dozens of new corpses every morning. (Meadow mentions the death rate is now 300 people per month.)

Yeah. I know. The same brilliant scientist who CURED DEATH not only fails to reverse the effects of their own invention, but decides that factory printing brainwashed humans who are then released into the world to also consume resources along with their victims is the best course of action?

Also, there are old people in this book. How are they still aging? How do you cure death but keep the aging? Why do you kill random people for shits and giggles instead of offing the semi-sentient sacks of flesh that the old people are bound to become as their bodies grow and decline but refuse to die? Surely you need young people to work in your factories? If resources are scarce, why keep old people alive past the point where they can contribute to society? If you have the technology to make remote controlled brains, why can’t you yank those bad boys out and just put them into robot bodies?

Why did nobody consider sterilization? I know this is a dangerous and sensitive topic that a white author probably shouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, but if you’re ok with writing indiscriminate murder and pretend that shit wouldn’t become very racist very fast, then you could do the same with sterilization. You can’t tell me that the nanites are so good they could grow you a new uterus. Evidently they’re not good enough to heal bullet wounds or stab wounds or else your little “murder complex” wouldn’t fucking work, would it?

I’m not saying these are “better” options than murder lottery, because these are all terrible things, but I am saying that they’re definitely more logical and profitable if you’re an evil government. Compared to making new people from scratch to kill your already existing people, anyway.

There are also implications of this all being a lie to control the population so that the “Initiative” can remain in control, along with the usual shitty YA dystopia thing where it’s implied that Earth is fucked and we’re out of resources.

This whole thing is a mess of half-assed concepts that are never explored but just sort of jammed together into an incoherent mess. There’s a big war, there’s a big plague, there’s senseless murder, there’s an evil government, there’s child soldiers, there’s brainwashing, there’s a rebel Resistance, there’s climate change … There’s even an Aptitude Test or whatever that never comes back despite being very angsted and exposited about in the opening chapters. It’s like Lindsay read all the YA dystopias that came before and couldn’t pick a gimmick and just went for all of them.

Oh I haven’t even mentioned the funniest part of all this: the swearing. As with Zenith, Lindsay has no problem describing gory murder and calling female characters “sluts”, but actual human curse words like shit and fuck? Don’t be silly. This is CHILD AND PUBLISHER FRIENDLY. Shit is now “skitz”, “fuck” is now “flux”. Can you imagine reading this fluxing bullskitz? WE NEVER EVEN FIND OUT WHAT THESE WORDS MEAN OR WHY THEY WERE REPLACED, SINCE THIS TAKES PLACE RECENT ENOUGH THAT MEADOW REMEMBERS GOING TO BASEBALL GAMES.

Oh and there’s also ChumHead, which, you guessed it, is never explained.

I guess now we know who to blame for “fike” and “starshined”. Oh and there are swears related to the stars in this book as well. I think Lindsay needs to get off that SJM juice.

The Edgy

Allow me to feed quotes into your gaping brain mouths. Not a lot of them because most of my notes are just me going WHAT at the concepts and the names more than the phrasing.

Every night, I stay awake for as long as I can to keep my nightmares at bay.

Scars are trophies in the Shallows. They show we know how to cheat death.

In a paragraph before this one, Meadow mentions that nanites heal everything but leave scars behind for reasons, and it happens to everyone. So why would they be a status symbol?

It’s the moon. The moon that reminds me of the moonlit girl.

My moonlit girl. She’s the cure to my nightmares, the one thing that helps me feel safe when I can’t even trust my own dreams to harbor me.

Spoken like a real teenage boy, Zeph. Would you like some tissues with that spunk?

I hold the door open for [Talan], but she shrugs past me and opens the other one. Always independent. Never taking help from anyone.

Hi is this a Feminism?

I find two leather thigh sheathes and strap them to my legs. I slide two knives into them and stand, slinging the bow over my shoulder. […] Feeling angry. But feeling strong.

Convenient sexy makeover includes leather knife pockets and a cool but completely-impractical-due-to-the-existence-of-enemy-guns crossbow. I also want to mention that the book calls crossbow ammo “arrows”, when they’re usually referred to as bolts, but go off.

The Conclusion

The Murder Complex is a book that straddles the line between mediocre and bad. Its biggest flaw is how boring and shallow its ideas and characters are. Which basically means its biggest flaw is everything about it. I can’t say it was so bad it’s good, but I can’t exactly call it terrible because I’ve read far, far worse. It’s mediocre writing about bland characters angsting and murdering their way through a convoluted plot that’s based on worldbuilding as solid as half-eaten ham standwich found in a rainy alleyway. It’s not fun or entertaining to read and there’s nothing to get outrageously mad about.

In the end, I don’t think you should pick this up unless you’ve somehow read every other book in the world and this is the only one left. Don’t waste your time on this, not even as a joke. Don’t make my sacrifice be in vain.

#book review #repost #the murder complex #i'm pretty sure i'm the only person who's ever read this book