like i know it’s in the moment and it’ll pass but just feel like i’m never getting out of this house i’ll never leave and die feeling as a bad as i do for a long long time
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Will you ever write an Auston x Freddie fic? 🥺
I totally could! It’s just all about the spark. I think Auston and Freddie are in the zone where I love them but they’re too cute atm. I haven’t identified any prime source of conflict yet or a good AU to mash with them. Freddie leaving Toronto might be a good start to kick things off, maybe i could write about them reconciling years down the road when they both play for AZ or something. Or maybe Freddie sucks again in the playoffs this year... idk where that could lead to but it would at least be a tension point.
I think if I wrote them now it would just be a duplicate of their relationship in If You Leave The Light On where Freddie pines silently and Auston is fuckboy. Right down to there being absolutely no resolution whatsoever for their story (which i assume is not what you want lol). I’ll keep thinking though.
Yall ever just experience Emotions™?
I am worthless, I know I mean less to you, I am useless and stupid, I deserve this, I deserve it all...
If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes.
// mono in the maw what will he do? (aka me building verse info) he honestly detests the place the further he ventures into it. he's especially scared of the leeches due to his past encounter with similar creatures, and he gets sick at all the meat when he finds out where it comes from--he hates seeing corpses at all, and this is so much worse than simply a viewer's dead body. mono wants out of this boat prison, and he wants to take as many kids as he can along with him. if you're a runaway he will try to get you to stick with him, or he will follow you to try and help in what ways he can while trailing behind.
the lack of the signal poking around the maw is actually deteriorating mono's mental and physical state; he may not be heavily influenced by the transmission, but he has turned in enough by now to be somewhat used to its presence, so he is connected to it. the boy is tuned in enough that his mind and body are unused to the lack of static in the air, and are unsure how to re-adjust since it has been a long time since he's not been under the tower's light. as such, with the lack of even a tiny static fuel flow to him, mono gets weaker by the day--slowly, very slowly, but also surely and steadily.
will he die? no. but he will be lightheaded, prone to fainting, and generally bleary and tired for an indefinite amount of time until he readjusts--which would take a while. ( what happens with the lack of the signal shows simply how much it has influenced him. ) messing with any televisions or electrical-based things will help him, however, and he develops a habit of not just conducting electricity frequently but also absorbing small amounts of it too--he must have some extraordinary energy in place of what the transmission was feeding him.
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I'm just trying to manifest a MadoHomu dual unit over here don't mind me
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Take a social media break. Will probably post on here more because this platform seems less invasive and intense than Facebook or Instagram. ( which lately on FB for almost 2 weeks non stop friend requests from just random people and then them messaging me .....it was too much I had to leave. ) but I'm hoping to do more productive posts on here .....more book reviews, cemetery adventures and, coffee. So I wont lie my mental health seems to be getting a little beyond my control lately ( which is always a fun spiral into a dark place of worry and anxiety) becoming so mentally ill I can't function is probably my worst fear....and I sometimes wonder what will be the thing that breaks my mind completely.....but depression has been high feelings of worthlessness and that my life has zero purpose and meaning. Not sure what to with my life ....and lack any confidence to pursue anything I'm even a little interested in. Acutely aware by the passing of time too aware that each year passing is a year closer to dying an unfulfilled failure....I sometimes think I was just born with no self confidence.....I think about my life up until this point ...never have I felt I was good or talented at something or successful at anything. If there was I feel it's always smothered by imposter syndrome or just nitpicking everything to bits......I wonder if this is just my fate in life and it's just one of those immutable things in the universe that no matter how hard I try I'm just meant to be this way. I hope that's not true....but for a long time I've tried to fight it but I always tumble back down. I sometimes think of my life like Sisyphus....but if I am happy the heavier the load and hard it crashes and the harder it is to get back up the moutain. Like over the past year things have been pretty good (outside the fact of a global pandemic) which yea sucked for pretty much everyone but it helped me get on track for somethings so that is good. But with things seemingly going so well for me.....is this the point were it all goes wrong were the rock comes crashing down and everything I've worked for with it? And if so how long before I can push the rock back up again?
i love how much happiness food brings to people
I have only just realized that there is a very distinct difference between how I feel about my friends who have gone out of their way to explain to me that they don’t ever want to hear about my psychosis because it makes them uncomfortable, and the friends who go out of their way to make sure I’m safe and okay when I interrupt us having fun by saying my symptoms are acting up.
I JUST ... love hong cha young and jeon yeo bin? so much??? like hong cha young’s entire character is a love letter to girls who feel like they take up too much space and are ridiculed and called “obnoxious” for having big personalities and kdrama girls are so often made to feel small and fit quietly into the corner of the screen for the sake of the male lead’s ego but hong cha young is bright and colorful and unapologetic and fearless and LOUD!!
and the charisma and humor and BIZARRENESS that jeon yeo bin brings to the character is unbelievable!! she manages to balance comical and wonderfully outlandish behavior with such sincerity and earnestness. easily my favorite female lead of all time. ma’am i love you.
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You're going to be okay. You can make it through this.
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I mean,, eugh.
I kinda wanna talk to Hels and tell void about my thoughts and shit but of course I'd just be hurting void even if voi tried to say it wouldn't. So I'd rather just force myself to stay away so I don't hurt void at all.
However, again, I kinda wanna talk to void.
This is the closest I’ve gotten to taking a nap in weeks and I didn’t actually fall asleep but f^ck you it’s progress
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Okay so i just realised something, Tony stark drove in the Monaco grand prix in iron man 2 right? And he raced under #11 which is checo's race number now
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'Cause I've been looking at the sky to show me where I went wrong
Been looking at the sky like someone was looking down
But it keeps raining on me
And I've been looking at the sky since I was five years old
Been looking for the stars, but it seems like they're all gone
Sometimes you just gotta think about early post order 66 cody escaping and becoming a one-man menace to the empire
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Hey Axel Dreamer loves you~
“...Get outta here! I’m sure she doesn’t. Love is a fuckin’ strong word and I’m not the kinda guy to be loved, let alone put up with. She deserves better, but...I hope she knows that I appreciate her and her hot fuckin’ ass....”
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