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yaomomvs · 3 years

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SEIJOH MANANGER HEADCANONS

seijoh, aoba johsai x reader | slight oikawa, iwaizumi and kunimi x reader.

a/n: ugh! i just love my seijoh boys so much! and so, i decided to make one more headcanons for them, tysm! hopefully i’ll do inarizaki next or maybe karasuno.

a bit long but i just love them,and i will do a part two mainly focusing on while they do volleyball this is more of random things

other seijoh!manager works: one | two

the volume in this bus is ASTRONOMICAL

you actually never thought of joining a club, specially a sports one.

but you needed it, so while looking at the board of the school’s options you were unsure.

“i just really need something not that complicated, and that helps me helping others” you muttered to yourself

little did you know the coach of the volleyball team was there, this nice man turned to you and offered you a place in the team.

“but please if you are one of oikawa’s fangirls dont-” “who now?” you genuinely asked. seeing that you didn’t had a clue of who he was talking about he immediately handed the application for to you.

it was first day and you were already late, but you managed to enter the gym half way practice.

you guys remember that tanaka and kiyoko scene in s4? well it was the same

“sorry for being late coach!” your voice sounded all over the place since someone was serving and it was pretty quiet.

ALL OF THEM WERE SHOCKED LIKE 🧍🏻‍♀️

the serve even hit yahaba’s face because everyone got distracted by your beauty

“i- did i do something?” “existing omg”

the coach lined up everyone and they greeted you welcoming you to the team.

you were flustered because it was like you never had a lot of guys around you and now you had to take care of all of them and also

aoba johsai’s team had one of the most attractive boys around likeeee

now, a year later, the energy is purely chaotic.

and i mean like

kindaichi and kunimi are lowkey the ones who respect you the most

not only because you, even if it was for only a year, you were their upperclassman but also you had presence

when karasuno came to the practice andy oh catched both of them after talking to kageyama in the bathroom, you pinched their ears and scolded them

“you both do that again and i’m not being compassionate” “SORRY Y/N”

but also lowkey your admirers

kunimi literally only showed strong emotions around you

“i brought you some sweets” he regularly says

“oh you are great! thank you kunimi!”you appreciated this guys little details with you

“so you have a favoritism with our manager huh?”

“y/n permission to hit kindaichi”

“permission conceded”

kindaichi also respected you because you, when he entered seijoh months ago, were one of the ones who made him believe and helped getting over that anger he had with his ex teammates and you even assured that kageyama was the reason he got better, even if he wouldn’t accept it

the second years, your literal followers

like seriously yahaba watori were always around you.

being in the same grade and class as both dod not helped a lot.

they are like puppies with anxiety separation

because you are the reason they feel loved and cared for

they always sit next to you in class, and they make sure you are comfortable with it.

you need help with hw? watori always is there

yahaba lets you paint his nails every time you got bored in class

you were such a powerful trio

they always bring your favorite drink in the mornin

you even developed this sixth sense where if you just look at each other you know exactly who are you making fun of without even speaking

you always make fun of the shit way of yahaba to flirt oml

and you even advice him on what should he do or not when meeting someone new.

istg if it was not bc of you he would have never got his first date with his crush

kyoutani later joined you, but he had trouble on trusting you

but seeing all the team laying on you he actually let himself rely on another person for the first time

he was the one who scared those stupid volleyball boys fan girls (oikawa’s or the other guys ones) away from you

he also thinks that you are not bad physically talking and he actually says it but privately

he also whenever he is mad or just frustrated comes to you and what he likes is that you don’t go in deep of the details but instead you try to distract him with random thing you say.

“guys i told you several times” you laughed “i do have other thing to do! it not like i can attend every night out with you! i have other friends too!”

“so, we are not watching cartoons tonight?”

“i hate you all so much” you surrendered “see you at 8 pm”

you became the second years core four

and also they looked up to you a lot, why? because you are the only people who always deals with the third years shit

god i think your connection with the third years was only a bit more noticeable than the second years

why? you were not afraid to mess up with them

to be real iwaizumi as oikawa caught your eye since moment one, they were naturally attractive and talented but you made a promise to not fall for anyone

omg you were so wrong

if it was iwaizumi, he always made sure you felt comfortable around

you were no vb genius so he took the time to explain you a bunch of things you did not know 🥺

also, he’s the kind of guy to stop everyone spiking because you were crossing through the gym so no ball gets you

he is the one who always search for you in school, asked about your day, and stuff that might seem basic but it was really meaningful

like he is the kind of guy who memorizes all your favorite places, treats, music anything and actually tries to get you to talk about it

oikawa on the other hand was the one who actually made you feel like part of them

he is so sweet!

oikawa only starts practice when you are there

like bold of someone to start hitting a ball without you there, he considered you part of the team, so he always waited for you

he walked you home or nearby every time he could he wanted you safe

his eyes always always instantly light up and screams “y/n-chan!” and immediately runs to you

but also he is the one who search you the most around

if it was lunch time he went to your home room and literally lunches with you no matter what or who

he never lets anyone lend you their hoodie, it always has to be his that you are wearing

he self crowned himself as your favorite

he hugs you out of nowhere istg is the best feeling ever

hanamaki also also also considers you priority

he is kinda more of the lowkey one, he is mainly the one who checks up on you

he once spotted a bruise in your arm and he immediately freaked out

“DO I HAVE TO FIGHT SOMEONE” “god no! i just dropped a huge book there!”

hanamaki is the one who waits for you in the entrance of the gym to walk with you to practice

he also is the first one to notice if something is wrong with you along with iwachan

they both unintentionally pay attention to you a lot and if you do something out of the common they just approach you

and they are always right

“what’s wrong y/n?” hanamaki says

“yeah, is everything okay you need anything?” iwaizumi continues.

“what do you mean guys? i’m okay” you obviously try to lie.

“no you are not, you are acting different”

“yea iwachan is right you always change yous t shirt before practice and the way you are ordering the volleyballs is off”

“why do know me so well” you indeed had a terrible day, so you almost tear up bb of that and be of how amazing your boys were to you sometimes”

“come here little one”

you heard a pout

“i see you oikawa, you can get a hug too. matsu come here”

matsukawa is your hype man

he loves messing with you like in the big brother sister way

like if a guy asked you out he’d be like “sis you can do so much better”

you are always being salty whether it’s between you or other ones

besides if you do have a crush on anyone on the team matsu is the only one to know

and he’d constantly blackmail you with that

“if you don’t buy me anything from the vending machine i will tell oikawa you actually swoon for him” “OKAY FINE”

“tell the coach that we do not need laps or iwaizumi is gonna knowwwww about” “i hate you so much”

but returning to the point you always messed with them specially the four third years

and you were so good at it

one day, you ‘innocently’ mentioned to the boys “i’m just telling you! i’ve never seen two pretty best friends, one of them always gotta be ugly”

GOD LORD THE BOMB YOU JUST ACTIVATED

THEY SPENT A WHOLE WEEK TRYING TO FUGURE OUT WHO WAS THE PRETTY BEST FRIEND BETWEEN IWA AND OIKAWA, ALSO MATSU AND HANAMAKI AHHAHAHAAH

your third years never made you feel insecure

like if you think idk listening to btr was weird because someone in the past made you feel like it be sure the next day they WILL PLAY FUCKING BIG TIME RUSH IN PRACTICE ONLY FOR YOU TO VIBE WITH THEM

also they all four have this little thought that they have to be the ones who protect you

in the court you looked out for them, outside of it they were the ones who did that

if you were teased or someone even had the audacity to make fun of you it could go three ways

you stoping kyoutani and yahaba because they were so ready to throw hands

matsukawa, hanamaki and kunimi just taking you out of there and rather say positive thinks about you

or oikawa and iwaizumi behind you giving the saltiest and meanest glares to whoever dared talking you that way and saying “and you still wonder why people don’t like you?, ” then iwaizumi says “you are right oikawa, you piece of crap have your entire life to be a jerk. take a day off your stupidity won’t left anyways”

god you sure loved those guys

BUT

as it can be really useful sometimes there were other times were they become so annoying

specially when it’s about someone liking you.

like romantic styles

i live for the idea that the vb team had obviously fangirls, oikawa mostly. but you also did

like yeah the fangirls of oikawa and the boys envied you

but the guys in aoba johsai high envied the volleyball team even more

god bless the poor guy or girl who DARES to ask you out

like please someone stop them 😭

on valentine’s day you came to practice a bit late just because you needed to figure it out how to organize all the fucking love letters and the chocolates and flowers that you got over the day.

oikawa was already worried as he always waited for you to start, and so were the guys so they decided to warm up a bit more to wait.

you crossed the door with thousands of gifts and all of that barely catching the ones which you dropped. because at this point you did not even try to hide it from the boys, you just wanted them to start practice.

he looked at you and knew exactly what that meant. he received this every once in a while, but god what was that feeling in his chest when some other people like you?

iwaizumi felt that too, that weird feeling not wanting anyone to think about you that wayyyyy

the rest of the boys had divided opinions but still you were their manager.

“so did all this came from...”

“yes matsu...”

“okay but for scientific purposes we need the names”

“HANAMAKI NO”

poor boys, they just are all scared that you’ll leave them because of someone

what a dramatic queens they are all

some of them didn’t like it bc they also had a big crush on you

so what they do is that they gatekeep anyone from you

like oml if they ever catched you and a girl or guy and they knew they liked you they constantly beg for your attention.

and it’s not only because they are being dramatic but also because they remember last year when you went out with some random dude and broke your heart like

they almost killed that guy

so they wanted you to feel happy and safe

to them? honestly you are the light of their life.

they dedicate every game to you, they take care of you, they listen to you, they brag about you, they love you

because honestly you did all that for them first

and ever since then they made sure to return that to you.

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pekorosu · 4 years

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just a lil “if ash lived” headcanon that i need to unload somewhere bc i've been holding it in for a long time

- set within the manga ‘verse

- takes place when ash and eiji are in their early 30s... so around the mid 1990s?

- i don’t get the weird animanga trope where older = longer hair, so they’re gonna look the same... maybe with slightly shorter hair bc they get regular haircuts now

- (note: i've always interpreted long-haired eiji as symbolic of the fact that he couldn't move on from ash’s death)

- ash and eiji will continue living in the states, idk if still in NYC or somewhere else. they’ll move around a lot though.

- ash will mostly remain underground as he had to fake his death after lao’s stab, but he does it in a "hiding in plain sight" kind of way. only a handful of people know he’s still alive.

- ash spends most of his time on the computer, mostly coding, hacking, being a nerd, among other fun stuff.

- he also takes on “jobs” anonymously, and occasionally from max (who’s still into investigative journalism) when he needs info that can only be obtained through Dubious Means.

- i also like to think that ash's a bit of a hacker robin hood lol. but he isn’t doing it purely out of the goodness of his heart, as part of it is a subconscious need to atone for his “sins” and cleanse the gnawing and persistent feeling of shame that gets amplified when he’s around eiji.

- also whatever he’s up to these days would ofc still be Highly Dangerous and Illegal, but it keeps him busy and would sate the part of him that’s still hungry for adrenaline without him having to engage in stuff like active bloodshed or substance abuse. basically that’s how i imagine he’d try to cope with life the only way he knows.

- eiji continues to do photography and other part time gigs bc he does not like the idea of mooching off ash forever, and he slowly makes a name for himself.

- ash and eiji live together but they are NOT together in a romantic sense... not yet >:)

- therefore eiji will probably date other people in the meantime, which gets a little troublesome bc it's not like he can bring them home to where his secret Very Important Friend is secretly hiding.

- ash will maybe have one-night stands every now and then. or not. idk. this isn’t a very important detail.

- anyway there will be lots of clueless but mutual pining :)

- ash especially, is of the opinion that they should start living separately bc someone will eventually track him down, maybe someone who has a past or present grudge on him. combined with his current activities, it’s only a matter of time before eiji would unwittingly get dragged into his problems again.

- eiji is v adamantly against that plan bc he's sorta developed a debilitating sense of paranoia that ash might just get killed somewhere while he’s not looking. not that ash isn’t paranoid either, but his insecurities often tip the scale over to “eiji is safer away from me” than “with me”.

- basically they’re doing their whole “stay. no, leave. no, stay” dance all over again, but like, dragged out over MANY YEARS.

- you thought eiji’s letter would’ve cleared up any crossed wires?

- HELL NO

- like yea, there was probably a beautiful honeymoon period of about a year or two after they reunited, before their respective trauma and issues started creeping in and fucking things up again.

- esp on ash’s end, i think he’d engage in a lot of self-sabotage. and eiji is only human, he has his own limits and baggage too.

- there will be a government conspiracy plotline but on a smaller scale compared to canon that i am unfortunately not knowledgeable enough to worldbuild on, but it will probably have something to do with cybercrime/cyberterrorism/stuff like that bc it needs to tie in with ash's hacking shenanigans.

- i've heard that sing ends up becoming some sorta political big shot in yasha? idk, i haven't read it myself, but since china’s rising status was mentioned in GoL i imagine the plot should relate to that somehow.

- therefore sing would also get to be in this story!

- i guess this means yut-lung would come into the picture at some point as well, and it would be a good opportunity for a redemption arc but i haven’t given it much of a thought bc i’m indifferent to his character orz SORRY.

- look i can’t do plot, but i am basically envisioning a political thriller with a side of slow burn romance (wait, you mean like a rehash of canon?)

- i’m thinking max is the one who kicks off the story by bringing something fishy to ash, and they just end up uncovering more and more and MORE stuff as they keep going.

- so for like 80% of the story, ash and eiji will be separated bc ash will be busy spying or infiltrating something... and being at the center of Plot Things, while max and eiji will be more on the outside dealing with the journalist side of things. i’m fond of max-ash interactions but i’m also REALLY CURIOUS about max-eiji’s dynamic :D

- meanwhile sing will be like, half in and half out i imagine. he's versatile like that lol

- ...i did NOT mean that in a dirty way

- anyway, this will provide ash and eiji ample space to work out their issues separately, as i think living in close quarters for so many years has actually been aggravating them. ofc those issues don’t get 100% resolved by the end, but some time apart from each other to cool off and spend with other people should provide a bit of perspective.

- i want ash to make some NEW FRIENDS (!!!) that are on the same wavelength as him bc there’s only so much that he can tell eiji and i’m sure he gets rather lonely, so there will be OCs that he will meet in the middle of Plot Things.

- ash will get trapped at some point. preferably with sing so they can have a much needed heart-to-heart talk. they’ll have a lot to hash out, ranging from the events in BF, shorter’s and lao’s death, all the way to ash’s love life.

- btw i like the idea of eiji and sing being close drinking buddies who confide in one another but ash is kinda, justalittle, not very happy about that LOL

- i mean, it's not like eiji can confide in ash when ash is the topic at hand, ya get me? as for sing, he’s similar to ash in the sense that they live dangerous lives, so i imagine he just finds it nice to be able to hang out with someone mundane like eiji every now and then.

- not to say that ash and sing aren’t talking to each other at all, but i think they’d have a bit of a rift between them. sing probably does feel some resentment, both at ash for killing lao AND at himself bc he knows deep down that given a choice, he would’ve saved ash over his own brother. ash can sense that tortured vibe, so eiji’s like their middle man. AND THAT’S WHY THEY NEED A HEART-TO-HEART TALK

- (SIDE NOTE: i want akira to have a role in this too. i actually have a separate headcanon that happens prior to this story... kinda like an alternate GoL?

akira goes to the states to visit eiji, but ash is also there, yeah? akira and ash start out sorta prickly with each other bc ash is all weird and standoffish and always cooped up in his room. she probably mistook him as a jobless model mooching off eiji at first since 1) eiji and ibe have never spoken about him back in japan (cuz he’s supposed to be dead), 2) why would eiji be living with some random hot guy? unless they met during one of his photography gigs? right???

and then she ends up witnessing them in the middle of a tiff, which makes her not like ash even more bc HOW DARE HE YELL AT POOR OKUMURA-SAN??? UNGRATEFUL JERK!!!

but over the course of her visit, she snoops around learns a bit about their history and gathers hints as to why their r’ship is kinda strained. also ash and akira somehow end up bonding (reluctantly) over their emotional insecurities and part on a friendly rivalry to win over eiji’s affections (which eiji is completely oblivious to. also akira may have been 100% serious but ash was just jokingly playing along with her (OR WAS HE???)). anyway long story short, ash teaches akira some cool tech/IT stuff along the way so that leads to her gaining an interest in the field.

she won’t be able to do much in this story, but a minor role would be cool :)

^ a lighthearted gyoza-making scene amid all the angst)

- (SIDE NOTE #2: i ALSO want cain to feature in this, but bc canon provided very little bg info on him it’s hard for me to figure out where he’d fit. but i suppose that’s precisely why it would be great to include him, since i can just make up my own backstory! lol. for now, i think he should be connected to one of the new OCs to make him more central to the plot. or heck, he can be involved himself! ...yeah, i’m just salty about how cain was treated more like a convenient plot device compared to the other major side characters. we barely know anything about him even though he was one of ash’s most trusted allies. #caindeservedbetter2k20)

- anyway, back to the main story. ash (and his new "friends") barely escape where they’re held hostage. ash would be rusty with combat now as he’s spent the past few years doing only stealth work and being rather sedentary.

- so there’ll be lotsa old man!ash jokes like them poking fun at him whenever he complains about his back hehe

- when they finally emerge outside they find themselves in the middle of nowhere! they then hijack a passing pickup truck and do a roadtrip back to civilisation. ROAD TRIP FTW

- at this point, quite some time has already passed and ash even has a fuzzy beard and mane and all. he’s standing at the back of the truck with a small smile on his face and the wind blowing in his hair, thinking GONNA GO BACK AND SEE EIJI, MISS HIM LOADS, HELL YEA

- (bonus: this song and this scene is the catalyst for this entire headcanon btw)

(drew this about a year ago. i was trying to imitate the manga’s art style... and the ash i had in my mind was a little different. i’m too lazy to redraw, but he’s fuzzier now okay! MORE FUZZ! like an actual freakin LION!)

- meanwhile, eiji and max will get into some deep shit around this point?

- eiji in the pic above was me imagining that the Bad Guys had tossed some damning evidence (eg. severed body part?) on the ground like “ash’s dead/ash’s in a lot of danger now so hand over all the info u have”

- and eiji and max are like. SHOOKETH

- this would be the 3rd time ash has “died” after all, and as they say... 3rd time's the charm...

- eiji almost gives in, but then max spits in their face like fuck no and then... yeah. they get beat up and taken away or something lol

- EDIT: hmm... what if the Bad Guy is someone IN the government, and he uses his power to get eiji and max arrested for aiding and abetting a wanted fugitive (ash). and then ash has to rescue them... JAILBREAK STYLE

- also it might be cool to introduce ash's mom somewhere in this story... maybe SHE'S the villain! mwahaha *drama intensifies*

- anyways they will get saved by ash and gang bc that’s just the way things go, BUT! only on the condition they already made it out at least 80% of the way bc GODDAMN IT👏LET👏EIJI👏BE👏BADASS👏FOR👏ONCE👏

- (that is, after he overcomes the initial shock of ash possibly being dead again... again...... again............)

- there will ofc be moments of “oh my god, you’re okay” "i thought i lost you...!"

- something like this, because one can never have enough cheesy reunion scenes

- this will eventually lead to REVELATIONS (of the romantic kind, yes)

- buuuut they will never say "i love you" directly to each other bc ash is too emotionally constipated and eiji is too japanese. it's okay, they will communicate it through heated stares 👀

- i would love for there to be a scene where they have to be separated again for Plot Reasons and ash sorta hesitantly goes all "...will you wait for me?" as a direct parallel to canon!eiji's "i'll be waiting" and it’s like,

- FINALLY!

- FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! ash has finally allowed himself to ask for this, to let himself want it!

- and eiji would be like OF COURSE I WILL YOU BIG DUMMY, ALWAYS AND FOREVER

- but i think it'd be hilarious if eiji pops up while ash's in the middle of the final showdown and ash's like WTF I TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR ME and eiji's like I WAS WORRIED OKAY YOU WERE TAKING SO LONG

- idk how this is supposed to end...

- oh wait! since the plot is government-related, maybe Someone will be able to pull strings to wipe out ash’s criminal record (past and present) and give him a brand new 100% legal identity, as thanks for his efforts? or maybe ash (or sing) just does it himself somewhere along the way LOL. anyway, he’ll be able to start over with a fresh clean slate and finally work on recovery FOR REAL NOW. yes this is a happy ending AND it didn’t require him to go to japan /flips off canon

- ...i realise it’s never going to be that simple but W H A T E V E R

- (also they probably will visit japan in the future with that shiny new passport... gotta meet the in-laws and all y’know)

- who do i gotta pay to write this cheesy self-indulgent fic for me

#since tumblr is for talking to myself that is exactly what im gonna do now #a very long self-indulgent post //#banana fish

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s-c-r-i-p-s-i · 3 years

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Candy is Dandy but Liquor is Quicker

[Dead by Baelight’s Kinktober // Day 8 and 18 : Outfit/Skin, Cornered]

🖤 🖤 🖤 “Don’t come any closer,” you warned shakily, backing up against the boarded-up door as he stalked forward, every step radiating confidence. “Or you’ll what?” He asked, leaning in. “Arrest me?” Playfully rattling the costume handcuffs on your belt, he set his gun against the door. You stared up at him, eyes wide as saucers, and he just snorted, curling a finger in your hair. “Darlin’…” Tilting his head, his fingers traveled lower, slowly ghosting over your neck, your collarbone…. You inhaled sharply in frightened anticipation, goosebumps rising, only for him to skim over your chest entirely, plucking one of the mini bottles from your bandolier. “I would love…” Long, bony, but strangely elegant fingers unscrewed the cap, flicking it off where it clattered across the floor somewhere. “To see you try.” 🖤 🖤 🖤 Pairing: Deathslinger (Caleb Quinn) x F! Reader

Rating: Explicit

CW: non-con/dub-con, bondage, drinking, smut, canon-typical violence

Word Count: 4,927

Something… odd had been happening lately.

Not the cankerous growths and sickly orange flowers that were always so abundant this time of year - or whatever passed for a year in this everlasting hell. By no means was that unprecedented.

Ask anyone who’d been there long enough to know and they’d tell you; there was a certain… cyclicity to things. Recurring phenomenon - the red envelopes, the flowers, the mysterious gifts wrapped up like Christmas presents. Always sequential, always in order, like some crude imitation of seasons. (And for what? No one ever aged a day.)

No, this was something new.

And new, in the Entity’s realm, was never a good thing. But… You had to admit, this seemed mostly harmless.

Look - It’s not like you were ever really in control of what you wore here, anyway. Most of the time, you were just stuck with whatever clothes you were wearing when you rolled into the fog. Sometimes She (that omnipotent thing in the sky) threw you in something else. Nobody ever really paid it much mind. The Entity worked in mysterious ways. And people, frankly, had more important shit to worry about.

But then when the flowers started blooming this year, things got a little weird.

She -…

She started putting people in costumes.

Cheap polyester numbers, mostly - the kind you’d buy from a big-box store, straight from one of those awful clear vinyl bags.

…It was starting to look a lot like Halloween. Jack-o’-lanterns even began appearing, scattered around the campfire and adorning the generators.

And nobody knew what the fuck was going on. Hell, not everyone even knew what Halloween was. You had quite the diverse cast; some people weren’t even from the same world as you.

The general vibe around the campfire was just… mild amusement if anything. You had a chuckle, then moved on. That was just the way of things. Everyone had these… survivor blinders on. You guess it was hard to get phased by something so minor when you all got murdered on the daily, but…

But you weren’t content with that.

You always had trouble just accepting things at face value. You wanted to know why.

Like - was the Entity stroking out? Things always did get a little strange around this time. Almost as if She were sick.

It was rare, but there were these little… Well, Feng called them glitches, and it was apt a term as any. Just little things, here and there, like She couldn’t quite enforce the rules of her own game.

Almost everything in this world seemed to be harvested from people’s memories. So… Maybe she was starting to pull things at random. Spiraling.

Was this the synaptic failure of a dying god?

Probably not, but there was nothing to do besides let your mind wander, and it was the only theory you had.

And then….

Then She whisked you away to Frontierland in the gaudiest slutty sheriff costume known to man and pit you against the goddamn cowboy.

Yeah, no - that was about a step too far to have been a happy accident.

Maybe you were thinking too hard. Maybe She just had a fucked up sense of humor.

When the fog cleared, you found yourself in the saloon with the others. You half-heartedly laughed it off (“Yeah, yeah. Okay. Very funny.”) and then moved on. Business as usual.

But not before rolling your eyes and discreetly downing one of the liquor minis from the shitty novelty booze bandolier sewn to your costume behind everyone’s backs.

At least She had the decency to stock it.

You were finishing up cleansing a totem when you heard the telltale crack of a gunshot split the air from all the way across the map. Not anywhere close enough to be dangerous, but a dead giveaway as to who you were up against.

…And cold hard proof that your little outfit was far from coincidence. The literal and proverbial smoking gun.

The moment you heard it you deflated, head falling back.

Seriously? What the fuck was She playing at?

Why you?

It wasn’t much of a conscious decision; you found yourself plucking another bottle from your bandolier and knocking it back without a whole lot of thought. You were obviously going to need it. Staring blankly ahead, you incredulously shook your head as you thumbed the moisture from your lip.

Okay. Alright. That was it, for now, you decided.

The Entity gave you a fully loaded bandolier - seriously, you were armed to the teeth with the little mini bottles, to the point it was actually kind of heavy. But you already felt a little weak in the knees after just two shots. It had been a while, so your tolerance was understandably nil. You didn’t want to be useless to your team. More importantly, it now felt critical you get out of there without running into the killer.

The Deathslinger was one of those ones. Not overly talkative, like a couple of the killers were, but he definitely got a kick out of the whole thing. There was a stark difference between the two camps, so to speak - the ones who only seemed like they killed because they had to, and the ones who were completely in their element. And he was obviously one of the latter.

It was that goddamn laugh. Low and sultry. Chuckling whenever he hooked someone or when a survivor did something exceptionally dumb. Even when you weren’t the target of it, you’d come to associate it with pure humiliation.

And you just knew that he’d take one look at you, in your stupid sheriff costume, and… Oh. You were steaming mad only thinking about it.

So you made it your personal mission to avoid him this trial. And to do that, you had to actually get out. Which meant no more drinks for you!

You should have known She had other plans.

You did your best to keep a low profile, tried to make sure you were on the opposite side of the map from him at all times, while still being useful. A difficult balancing act.

But you couldn’t just leave your friends hanging.

When you saw Meg’s aura flare out in distress as she was lowered onto the hook, you began making your way over, quick and quiet and praying to every god you knew that he would be long gone by the time you got there.

And, lucky you, there was no sight of him. So you crept towards the hook, privately taking solace that at least you weren’t alone in the goof factor; Meg was all dressed up like Wendy - the fast-food icon. The Entity really outdid herself, the braids were right on the nose, and you were almost loosey-goosey enough to make some stupid quip. Almost. Maybe when she wasn’t dangling from a meat hook.

You pulled her off the hook with care, but just as her feet touched the ground, another gunshot rang out, this time much louder. A spear whizzed by so close that you could hear it shear through the air just before it embedded itself in the post, inches away from you both. No sooner had you whipped your head around to find the source than the sound of shoes pounding against the ground filled your ringing ears.

You looked back and Meg was gone. Peeled off like a bandaid.

You decided you better get the hell out of Dodge too.

First things first, you needed to get out of the open; that was just asking to get shot. So you made a mad dash for the saloon. You figured you had a good head start since it should have taken him a hot minute to retrieve the harpoon, dislodge it from the hook, shove it back in the gun… Sounded like a whole ass process.

Except, when you looked back behind you he was hot on your tail. Trail. Hot on your trail.

You made a snap judgment, deciding you’d try and lose him by running up to the second story. Was it cheap? Absolutely. He obviously had some kind of bum leg, unless that brace was some kind of bold fashion statement. Not that it had ever slowed him down, any. But you were desperate. And all’s fair in love and war, right?

Swiftly turning the corner, you galloped up the stairs and dove into the first room you saw, hopping through the window.

By the time your eyes adjusted to the indoors and you realized it was a dead-end, it was too late. The only other exit was boarded up, and you could hear his boots unhurriedly thumping up the creaky steps like he was in no rush at all. Step. Step. You rushed to the boarded-up door and gave it a good open-palmed slam to test its strength - you’d seen killers smash through these like they were cardboard, but it just wouldn’t budge. Shit.

He was getting closer. You could hear his spurs. Hissing, you banged your fist against the boards in frustration. What, impending injury wasn’t bad enough? She had to add insult, too?

The footsteps stopped, and so did everything else, it felt like. Holding your breath, you slowly began to turn around. There he was in the window, backlit and silhouette, dusty sunlight filtering through his ghostly white hair. You had to admit, he cut a striking figure, something cinematic. There was just the trouble of the gun. Aimed right at you.

Didn’t have to climb over the window if he just reeled you to him. Smart man.

Before you could think to dive for cover or something smart like that, he began lowering the gun. It was hard to tell what expression he was wearing, backlit as he was, but you could feel those spectral eyes looking you up and down. From your cheap western style boot covers, all the way up your legs to your fluffy petticoat and layered skirts, the ill-fitted booze bandolier slung around your shoulder… and finally, the gold, plastic 5 point sheriff star nestled between your tits.

Oh God. Here it comes…

He didn’t even have to say a word, hot embarrassment already surging to the surface before he even opened his mouth.

“Well. Pardon me.” You could make out the glint of dirty teeth in the dark as his grin spread. “Didn’t know you were an elected official.”

Why the hell was he exempt from this bullshit, anyway? You’d seen Ghostface in a devil costume, and Myers in a cat ear headband, so you knew they weren’t immune. Maybe the Entity thought he looked stupid and campy enough as is. But… she couldn’t have dressed him up as Woody from Toy Story or something? He probably wouldn’t have gotten it, but you would have found it funny. Maybe then you wouldn’t have felt so small and humiliated.

You hated this. You didn’t even know what to say until he started climbing over the window. Then you had a pretty clear idea.

“Don’t come any closer,” you warned shakily, backing up against the boarded-up door as he stalked forward, every step radiating confidence.

“Or you’ll what?” He asked, leaning in. “Arrest me?” Playfully rattling the costume handcuffs on your belt, he set his gun against the door. You stared up at him, eyes wide as saucers, and he just snorted, curling a finger in your hair.

“Darlin’…” Tilting his head, his fingers traveled lower, slowly ghosting over your neck, your collarbone…. You inhaled sharply in frightened anticipation, goosebumps rising, only for him to skim over your chest entirely, plucking one of the mini bottles from your bandolier. “I would love…” Long, bony, but strangely elegant fingers unscrewed the cap, flicking it off where it clattered across the floor somewhere. “To see you try.”

And on that note, he finally tipped it back - you watched his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed it down. Shaking the empty bottle at you, he slipped it back into its holster on your belt. “Bit frivolous, you know.” He commented, curling his finger in and snapping it back. “A flask does just fine. No need to reinvent the wheel.”

“Right, well,” you huffed, and moved to squeeze past him - he was clearly in good humor, at least, so maybe he’d let you off easy. Wasn’t a little whiskey and a laugh good enough?

Apparently not.

You were immediately met with an arm shooting out, hand landing right beside your head, caging you in.

“Woah there, where d’ya think you’re going, sweetheart?” He smirked down at you, a crooked thing that flashed his teeth, scarred lip snagged over a canine. You’d never noticed before, but one of his incisors had a gold crown. Now that you’d noticed, you couldn’t stop looking at it, the alcohol still floating around in your bloodstream turning you into some sort of easily distracted magpie. He was missing one of his bottom teeth, too. It was… kind of a mess in there, huh? Smelled like whiskey and tobacco.

“You got me all the way up here, I’m not too keen on leaving already.” Sliding his hand from the door, he guided you away by the small of your waist, and you… you just kind of let him, stiltedly trying to follow his direction.

“So how about you…” You reached the bed and he grabbed you by your shoulders, turning you round to face him. “Just sit your pretty ass down.” Just a slight push and you were bouncing on the bedsprings, palms catching your fall.

In the back of your mind you were already fearing the worst, but much to your surprise he just sat down next to you on the edge of the mattress, looking almost comically large and out of place on the twin-size bed. All you could do was blink at him dumbly, unsure what was happening.

He took a long breath through his nose. It felt like forever before he finally released it and said, “Have a drink with me.”

“I…” You drew out the word dubiously, clearly meaning to decline. You were already too tipsy for comfort considering present company was a killer.

“Didn’t ask,” He said gruffly, pulling two bottles from your bandolier and offering you one. “Indulge an old man. Or we’ll do it the hard way.”

Hard to argue with that! You didn’t know what the hard way was, but you didn’t want to find out. So you took the bottle, lips pulling together in a tight, awkward half-smile when he clinked his against yours.

This was weird. Awkward, and in a whole different way than you’d been preparing yourself for.

You actually found yourself glad for the burn that flooded your body as you downed the shot, heat loosening your tense limbs and taking the edge off this… incredibly odd situation, if only slightly.

Besides the obvious threat, it felt like maybe, despite everything… he was really just a lonely old man. In want of someone to drink with. A slice of normality. Isn’t that what you all wanted? You guessed it couldn’t hurt. It was keeping him away from the generators, anyway. Buying you all some extra time.

And… maybe this was what the Entity wanted. The reason she brought you here like this.

“Now, miss,” He spoke, and you turned your gaze up to him, blinking owlishly, your head swimming. There was a lot to take in at this distance. All these different textures. Scars and stubble and pockmarks. You found it all fascinating. “I’ve got to be frank with you.”

You know, you hadn’t really heard him speak at length before, but you were starting to realize that his whole aesthetic, he didn’t really sound straight out of a spaghetti western like you might expect. There was a trace of that, especially in his vocabulary, but his accent was much more reminiscent of… Canada, somehow. With a slightly Irish lilt.

It was ludicrously unexpected, and something about it just made a dopey smile float onto your face. You didn’t even realize you were doing it, until his eyes drifted down, and he huffed with almost fond incredulity.

“Think that’s funny, huh?”

You’re almost positive you missed something he said. You heard it, you just didn’t… process it right. This time when he spoke, you tried to pay attention.

“I don’t usually go taking what ain’t mine, but damn if you don’t look like a present addressed just to me.”

It was your turn to huff, bobbing with amusement. “Okay, cowboy, I know what it looks like, but…” It wasn’t like you chose this outfit.

“Honey,” he interrupted, “I think you’ve mistaken me for the wrong kinda wrangler. It’s not cows I’m after.” He paused, tipping his head as if reconsidering, smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “But if a heifer’s in need of a good driving…”

It took you a solid minute for your brain to catch up. He was content to watch the cogs turn until it did.

He just called you a cow!

A cow in need of a good dicking!

Your mouth hung open in shock and he - he just laughed.

“Little slow on the uptake, aren’t cha? Had a few already? How bout one more?” His hand began trailing up your leg, dirty fingers slowly dipping beneath your pure white petticoat.

Suddenly, one thing was very clear.

You had to get out of here.

Shaking your head, you tried to stand, but you were swiftly reeled back as soon as your feet hit the ground, pulled into a hard lap, all bones and brace and knobby knees and God knows what else.

“We’re gonna have one more,” his voice materialized right beside your ear, tone final as he pulled another mini from your belt. You shook your head, whimpering some protest between tightly closed lips as he pressed the bottle to your mouth. Behind you, you heard him sigh through his nose like a beleaguered bull. Then his other hand came round your face, pinching your nose shut.

You didn’t wait around for your lungs to give out. There wasn’t any point in that. You knew he wasn’t going to give in. But you did. Almost immediately. Your lips parted for air and got tequila instead, swallowing sloppily as you tried not to choke, rivulets of amber dripping down your chin while he murmured, “There you go… Nice and easy…”

His hand lowered to your throat to tip your head back, your world spinning as a wet sensation dragged across your chin, the man licking up the tequila in one broad and obscene lick. That rotten chuckle inundated your senses. “Awful cute when ya can’t even keep your eyes straight.” He tapped his fingers along the column of your throat, adding in afterthought. “Awful cute anyway, but I’m not really in the mood to fight just for a little company tonight. You gonna be good for me now, darling?”

“…Uh-huh.” You nearly sobbed out the sound, voice meek and pathetic. But you’d be lying if you weren’t starting to feel… sweaty under your skirts, inner thighs getting embarrassingly slick. That always happened when you were drunk, but never this bad.

And despite all the awfulness churning in your stomach, you still felt heat pool in your gut as he cooed, “Good girl. Not at dumb as you look, are you?”

You didn’t even realize he was actually expecting an answer until he probed again, “Are you?”

You quickly shook your head.

Humming, he seemed to accept that, because he was soon re-adjusting you on his lap and catching your lips with his in a messy kiss. He tasted strong and dry, your tongue prickling like your taste buds were trying to retract at the mere slide of his against yours; like salt on a slug. When his hand crept up your skirt this time, you didn’t try to stop him, even as his middle finger began tracing your sopping panties, dipping into the wet seam. You could scarcely think, devolved into a gooey pile of nerves and feelings that he was amusedly plucking at.

Peeling your panties aside, his fingers parted your folds, a pleased rumble emanating in his throat and vibrating in your mouth when his thumb brushed against your clit and your hips twitched in response.

You were gasping for breath by the time he finally pulled his mouth away, but he gave you no time to recover, already pressing two fingers past your resistance. In some attempt to ground yourself, you grasped at his arm as they began curling and pumping inside you, but your weak, drunk grip made it about as easy as catching clouds.

At some point, your barely-there vision drifted towards the window and you dimly realized you were facing it, completely exposed. That if anyone came up the stairs, they’d be able to see everything.

You’d just have to hope his heartbeat would be enough to keep them far away from the saloon. Eyes fluttering to the ceiling, you pushed the thought from your mind. It wasn’t hard. Not when the feeling in your stomach was reaching a fever pitch, nearing the point of no return.

In some ways, he was a lot gentler than you were expecting. Which was good, because you felt hopelessly vulnerable right now, helpless and disorientated in his lap, his looming over you making your mixed up brain feel protected even though some part of you knew that wasn’t right.

Everything felt numb except where he touched you; the heat of his breath on your neck, the kisses he pressed to your skin, the scrape of his beard, the brush of his long hair against your shoulder. All your wires were crossed, every little sensation going straight to your core.

Gasping out as your climax crashed over you, your hips lurched, thighs trying to snap closed around his hand. Unbothered, he just kept stroking you through it until your hips finally began to sink back down and your cunt stopped desperately trying to milk his fingers. Withdrawing slowly, he pressed them into your open mouth, the tang of your own juices spreading across your tongue. You didn’t know what it said about you that your blind instinct was to obediently suck, but that’s what you did, and he breathed out in a low, steady hiss.

“Careful, now. Fool me too good and I might have to keep you.”

Pulling away, he encouraged you to lay on the bed, settling between your legs. You watched the ceiling drift then snap back to place every time you blinked while he fiddled with something - you weren’t sure what until he was fixing your arms above your head and the apparently not-so-novelty handcuffs from your costume were being snapped around your wrists.

Then his hands were skating over you appreciatively, over your ribcage, the curvature of your waist almost reverently. “Guess the good Lord finally answered my prayers.” He murmured, flicking the plastic sheriff star between your bosom. “Not really how I woulda done it, but beggars can’t be choosers, eh? After all…” The man sighed, fingers curling into the top of your blouse and slowly dragging the gingham fabric down over your breasts until they were revealed to his eerie, quietly covetous eyes. “We don’t exactly have all the time in the world, do we?”

What was that even supposed to mean? It seemed to you as if you had nothing but time. Maybe not in this particular trial - and as if to punctuate that thought, you felt a generator kick to life, the familiar thrum of hope in your bones.

Did he know something you didn’t? Or were you just too foxed to follow?

Exhaling, he rolled his hands over your breasts, admiring the feel of them for just a moment. It seemed like he wanted to take his time with you, but the reminder that you were on a timer was the spur in his side that eventually pushed him to move on.

You heard him audibly fiddling with his belts and wondered if you were getting out of this alive. It was cold comfort, but at least you’d probably managed to save everyone else. Not very heroic when it wasn’t even really your decision. But it was something. Maybe. Something to cling to as you felt the heat of him slide across the mess he’d made of you.

Whimpering, you curled inwards from your core as he entered you, bound hands lifting up and both grasping at his chest at the feeling of being run through. By no means was it violent. It didn’t hurt, exactly. But it had been a long time, and he was unforgivingly long and solid and foreign. An intrusion on your body.

“That’s it. There you go, gorgeous. Hang onto me.”

You did, your hands abandoning his chest to loop over his neck, accidentally knocking the hat off his head in your bound fumbling. He didn’t seem to care, swooping down to take your lips again while you struggled to get used to the feeling of him moving inside you.

With how wet you already were, it didn’t take all that long before pleasure started to win out, every little bump and grind against your sweet spot pulling you closer to the edge again, his mouth muffling the pathetic stream of sounds trying to escape yours.

This time, the fall from the top was a slow one, liquid heat spilling out across your core - though you weren’t quite aware how literally until you felt it physically starting to pool beneath you, a wave of embarrassment flaring when you’d realized what just happened. Okay - you didn’t - that had never happened before, drunk or not.

Your hopes that he didn’t notice were dashed as he pulled away to chuckle heatedly in your ear. He wasn’t far behind though, laughter broken by a groan as his hips snapped against yours, burying himself deep as he could go. You felt the alien jerk of his cock inside you, radiating warmth.

Panting, he nuzzled at your neck as he came down, whiskers scratching at your skin. You felt… suspended in place, not sure what came next. But you guessed it wasn’t up to you. Hesitantly, you let your fingers slip into his sweaty white tresses, the texture thick and rough like the mane of a horse, dusty and… probably unwashed for God knows how long.

There was that awkward feeling again. Like you were two pieces of a puzzle that didn’t fit no matter how you turned them, but you weren’t allowed to leave.

Eventually, he took a deep, centering breath and withdrew from you, guiding your hands back to the bed and clicking open the safety release of the handcuffs, setting you free and letting them fall wherever on the floor.

Rubbing your wrists, you groaned in discomfort as he dragged his fingers through the mess, pushing his cum back inside you. No. You just wanted to be done.

But then he pulled your panties back into place. Pulled your shirt back up. Smoothed your skirts down.

His gaze lingered on you for a long moment before he heaved a big sigh and finally dismounted.

Pulling you up by your arm so that you were sitting up, he grabbed his hat from the bed, and you felt him plop it onto your head and adjust it.

“Suits ya.” He said softly, and it was the first thing he’d said in a while. Part of you was waiting for the other shoe to drop, not sure if he wanted a thank you, or…

He eyed you for another long moment, like there was something more he wanted to say, but… Instead, his gaze flicked down to the bandolier round your chest.

You swallowed hard as he plucked the last two bottles from your belt, the thought of taking another shot making your stomach churn and your gag reflex curl.

Patting your thigh, he bonelessly plopped himself in the nearby chair, rolling his eyes as you just stared at him. “Go on, get.” He snorted, uncapping one of the little bottles. “Don’t fall down the stairs on your way out.”

He was letting you go? Just like that?

You hesitated, something about this seemed… unfinished. You weren’t sure if you wanted to go.

But you didn’t want to wait around until he changed his mind, either.

So you uncertainly began heading towards the window, pausing when you remembered - “Your hat…” You reached for it, intending to give it back, but…

“Keep it, I don’t care.” That sounded unexpectedly crabby, and when you looked back, he wasn’t looking at you. He was staring at the wall, avoiding your gaze as he tipped back a shot. “Wear it if you want to see me again. Don’t if ya don’t. I can take a hint.”

You blinked, unable to believe he was sulking. Now. After everything.

Your fingers hovered over the brim of the hat. You needed to quash this now, while you still had the chance. Your conscience was screaming at you, leave it, don’t encourage him, don’t even give him hope.

Don’t bring it to the campfire. Don’t anything. Just… leave it on the windowsill, you told yourself. It shouldn’t have even required thought. Nothing about this was okay.

You didn’t even know his goddamn name.

And yet… You found your hand slowly lowering, falling back down to your side. You gave him one last, long look before grabbing the windowsill.

You could always decide later.

🖤 🖤 🖤

Thank you for reading!!!

🖤 🖤 🖤

Notes:

Thank you Pugge for beta'ing most of this!

I do not know WHY this took me so long to write but I’m fairly happy with it. Sorta wasn’t the direction I originally had planned for this, but what can I say, I’m cursed. I got the Midas touch, except instead of gold, everything I touch turns to non-con.

This piece was written for Day 8 and 18 of the 🔞 Dead by Baelight 🔞 Discord server’s Kinktober. Anyone over 18 is welcome to join here.

#dead by daylight #dbd #deathslinger #caleb quinn #my writing #oneshot #scripsi

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secondpubertyscene · 4 years

Text

5.12.20

I’m not the same person. I mean, we all change from day to day. A couple new hairs here, a healed cut there, some extra gunk behind our ears. We’re never the exact same as we once were, but this different feels…different, ya know?

I’m generally not a sad person but for whatever reason, it feels like I can’t quite get happy for too long. Things are going much better lately. I finally got myself together enough to begin to return to some of the things that used to be a part of my routine, finally got around to doing my shot after who knows how long, and I’m arguably not in a bad place at all. I have nothing to worry about. Food is provided for, I have fat savings in case of emergency, I’m living pretty easy. So, why is it that I can’t get happy? Why do I find myself missing my past self so much? What did I have then that I don’t now and how can I get myself feeling normal within the parameters of my new normal?

My normal in the past was relatively simple, I think. I didn’t overthink every aspect of my life (shocker, I know), I was generally on the happier side of neutral, and I was motivated consistently to do something. At all times, I was engaged in something. If it wasn’t some kind of labor around my RA job, my job at the museum, my classes, or my club, then I was likely goofing off with friends and my girlfriend. When alone, I would do what I’m doing now. Listen to music, consume way too much media, have random epiphanies about life that demanded some shit writing, and brood. I wasn’t too sad most of the time, even when things were stressful or frustrating. In fact, I think I thrived in the stress and chaos. I liked being busy. I liked having things to do and doing them and then getting mildly stressed about something I knew I could AND would handle with general ease. It felt right. Now, things are different. I suppose that it is not so much so that I have changed, but that my circumstances have.

My normal now feels kind of sad. I don’t know if that sadness is because of my brain chemistry or purely situational, although both would certainly make sense given where the world is at. Acknowledging that fact, I don’t quite know what to do about it. I have been taking my meds as I’m meant to, I go to group, I go to individual therapy. I’m doing what I need to and it is definitely working based on where I’m sitting right now. I suppose the other half of this is about making myself happy. I’m not doing anything to spark joy and I really cannot afford to keep waiting for other people to do it. Can I tell you something? This is off point but it feels relevant.

I was feeling bored and overwhelmed a few days ago and I had been itching to just get in the car and drive. To where? I don’t know. But drive, music up, with a friend to vibe with. It has always been a surefire (I love that word, surefire) cure to a bad space. It’s freeing, you know? Music, wind, speed? I didn’t want to bother my best boy because I knew he needed rest and I didn’t bother Rue because she wasn’t built for silence, so I decided to go with the next best option: Car. I figured since we vibe all the time with music over text and scream singing in my car is one things that we have done almost every time we’ve seen each other (even though it’s like every other year, lol) we would be set to have another scream sesh. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Instead, what I got was nervous insulting jokes in typical Car fashion and someone talking over my favorite fucking song about (this is the kicker) whack dick. It was that moment, that day, that I realized that there is literally only one person in my life that I would want to do that again with and that is a whole other thing that I don’t feel like getting into right now.

The point is, I need to find a way to make myself happy. Therapy and medicine are for healing and while healing feels good, it also isn’t something that is particularly happy. I need to hold space for where I am emotionally and also find some fun for myself. There are all of these things that I want to do, things I want to learn! I have to stop waiting for the quarantine to end for me to get back to enjoying and living my life. Even once everything opens back up, life will not be the same. I have to decide now to be happy regardless of what’s happening out there. Maybe instead of being involved in a thousand and one clubs and classes and jobs, I can focus on finding some work here, doing research for my non-profit, talking to friends, making new connections, and learning new fun skills! I can learn how to do lots of things WITHOUT pressure and enjoy them to the fullest. I can learn how to be fulfilled without needing a rush. The question of how seems to be the barrier here.

I guess being happy isn’t something you really try to do though, is it? I don’t think any of my happiest moments were ones where I had to try to be happy. I just was. There are things that I can do to help make myself happy but I think I might need to reframe my goals here. Maybe my goal needs to be “chase happiness” instead of “be happy”. I don’t know.

I got distracted by my thoughts midway through writing this and ended up texting a shitload of people in my phone about their favorite memories and moments in life. Those stories are so beautiful and bright. Definitely helped my mood a little. Isn’t that beautiful? That we all have these little nuggets of pure light in our lives? Isn’t it also funny how our brain remembers those things? Tiny little segments out of billions of other moments that bring us so much joy and a rush of happiness. In any case, I think this is the end of this post.

Next time,

Miles

P.S. - I’ll have to share some of those stories people shared with me after I get their permission. Some should be heard.

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makeyourownmyth · 4 years

Text

best heard in 2019.

As usual, same caveats apply as for other categories, and as in past years, but less so with music, because it’s the only thing that I’m still decently up with. That being said, there are some oldies here, and I reserve that right.

Songs

Honorable Mentions: Lil Nas X - “Old Town Road,” Pop Smoke - “Welcome to the Party,” and Drake (ft. Rick Ross) “Money in the Grave.”

They were both huge, and I listened to them plenty, I just don’t happen to think they’re very GOOD.

Anti: I try not to shit on any music that’s put out too much, but the second (?) single from Taylor Swift’s album (which is overall quite good!) “Me!” is terrible.

6. Taylor Swift - “Lover” - I love a lot of this album, but this song can get me feeling terribly emotional.

5. Yola - “Ride Out In the Country” - I forget where I even found this song, but it’s such a jam, such a vibe.

4. Rocket Summer - “Shatter Us” - A band that I got from a middle school kid almost a decade ago comes back with a “mature” album that had some decent cuts, but none that hit as hard as this. It’s true, and powerful, and something that I never would have appreciated at the time when I loved the band way more than I do now.

3. Grimes - “We Appreciate Power” - She’s crazy, but this is her at her best.

2. Local Natives - “When Am I Gonna Lose You” - Loved the album, loved this song the most. Put it on a mix.

1. Tyler and ASAP Rocky - “Potato Salad” - My favorite song of the year, and also, I think, the best song of the year. These guys are 2 of the best right now, and this found them just having fun. We could use more rap like this.

Albums

Anti: Again, not trying to talk shit on albums that people loved, taste is subjective, yadda yadda yadda, but these were not for me. Thom Yorke’s Anima, Slowthai’s Nothing Great About Britain, Weyes Blood Titanic Rising, and Bon Iver’s i, i. Nothing more to say about them for me, they just weren’t to my taste. I don’t wanna talk about anything Ye-related.

Honorable Mentions

Helado Negro - This Is How You Smile - This is an incredibly fun time. It’s not on your list and I think it’s right up your alley.

Cautious Clay - Blood Type - The type of album I’d like to listen to more and more. The type of album I think you’ll really like. A weird mish-mash of styles that we never would have thought worked when we were young, but that tends to dominate my lists nowadays. (Steve Lacy-esque?)

Local Natives - Violet Street - Like I said above, I quite like the album, but I didn’t find myself going back to it.

Harry Styles - Fine Line - Just came out, has one of my favorite songs of the year on it, but I’m not ready to commit to it yet.

Freddie Gibbs and Madlib - Bandana - Not as good as their last album, but very good example of older person rap done very well.

J. Robbins - Unbecoming - More people need to listen to this album. It’s awesome, and small, and deserves more pub.

Solange - When I Get Home - Almost made the cut to the real list, but that’s just due to peer pressure. I liked it a lot, but I didn’t find myself thinking about it incessantly like some of the albums that I place above it.

Steve Lacy - Apollo XXI - Really, really, really good. I wish more music like this existed and that it was more popular. It feels exceptionally well crafted, like someone who really knows what they’re doing took a lot of time, and did it well. That being said, very little of it STANDS OUT.

Marvin Gaye - You’re The Man - I actually think this is where my best of list starts, but I feel like I’d be too much of a poser if I put this on there. I listened to this non-stop and I feel like it’s a really good album that not enough people knew even came out, much less listened to. The backstory of it surely plays into that for me, too, but it stands on its own.

The National - I Am Easy to Find - Genuinely one of my favorite albums of the year from one of my bands of the decade. I’m aghast that it’s not in my top ten, but I had to limit it to ten to make it some sort of real exercise, otherwise it would have just been a random number, which I’ve definitely done in the past, but hate to do when it’s MORE than ten. Less is fine, but more feels like a cheat. I love this album, though.

Best of the Year

10. Taylor Swift - Lover - Half of it feels like a pure repudiation of Kanye, but half of it is me knowing that I put 1989 on a list in genuine taste, and knowing that this album is full of pop goodness. It’s fun. There are some significant missteps, like “London Boy” and the “Me!” single that sounds even MORE out of place on the album, but overall, it’s really a sign that she knows what she’s doing.

9. Danny Brown - U Know What I’m Sayin? - He’s done with his childish stuff, he’s making incredible music, and he’s still one of our greatest rappers. Danny Brown feels like the coolest secret that I somehow know a small bit about, but then I’ll see some mainstream pub on him, too, and I’m like, oh, dope, this guy is SUPER well known, like he should be.

8. Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell! It’s a solid album. I’m shocked at the number of people who are saying it’s the album of the year, but I’ll honestly say, too, that somewhere around the 3 minute mark on “Venice Beach,” when I was first listening, it gets so fucking good that my jaw literally dropped and I was like, oh, I guess LDR is a real musician now. And from that point on, the album continued in a way that pleased and surprised me.

7. Clairo - Immunity - This was another one that I thought was AOTY material, but stuff just edged it out, so when I said I thought this was a weak year musically, I guess I was wrong. If I’d had a physical copy of this album, I would have WORN IT OUT. It’s probably my most-listened to album of the year, and I love it the way I loved Alex Lahey’s last album, which means I’ll be slavishly following Clairo for years and years now. No regrets. I think she’s got a HELL of a career ahead of her. Just hearing the first chords of “Alewife” gets me hella choked up.

6. Jenny Lewis - On the Line - I really think if you kick back with this album you’ll find so much to love. The single was really really bad, but it’s the opposite of Taylor Swift: when it arrives on the album, the sequencing honestly makes it seem as though it fits quite well.

5. Alex Lahey - The Best of Luck Club - This is my token placement, but also a genuine love letter to how huge I think she’s going to be. (Or maybe how huge I think she should be, but never will be?) I mean, the songs are heartfelt, and it’s that’s so much of what I want nowadays that I had to put her in the Top 5.

4. Tyler the Creator - Igor - I actually thought this was my AOTY, so making this list it surprised me how far down it fell, but I think that’s a testament to the others as opposed to a knock on this one? I mean, it’s clearly the best album Tyler’s ever made, and the production on it is even better than could have been expected. The fact that he’s changed so much, but is still operating in the wheelhouse that he created for himself (while it’s still evolving!) is proof of the early genius we saw.

3. Jamila Woods - Legacy! Legacy! This is a killer album. I think it’s the best one, that you’re most likely to enjoy, that you’re least likely to have listened to.

2. DJ Shadow - Our Pathetic Age - I disagree with all the critics who call it overlong and a slog to get through the first half to get to the better second half. I think the second half is clearly superior, but I quite like the instrumental side.

1. Billie Eilish - When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? I knew it’d be my favorite when it dropped and that hasn’t changed as the year has progressed. It’s a weird, weird, weird album, especially when I listen to her old stuff and try to reconcile who she is with who she was and who she will be. But I’m cool with that. I mean, shit, she’s 17 and she’s making great art. Keep it coming!

#billie eilish #dj shadow #eoy #best of #lists #music #2019 #jamila woods #tyler the creator #alex lahey #the best of luck club #igor #legacy #our pathetic age #when we all fall asleep where do we go

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smilekayano · 3 years

Text

BABY J - ENERGY

1/10/2020

It’s 4:34pm, and I just had my first sip off coffee of the day. Let’s get started.

I’m back at Hansel and Gretel, I ordered another large hazelnut drip coffee, and I just left the gym so I grabbed a pastry. Specifically this strawberry almond croissant, and I SWEAR on everything I love this thing is immaculate. Now you may be thinking it’s 4:34pm, why are you drinking coffee, well I had a long night. Dealing with a drunk friend, waiting in the drive thru, eating tacos, having drinks with friends, etc. It’s Sunday, I slept in. I deserved it.

When I got home as I changed into my pajamas and sleeping hoodie (yes, I have a specific hoodie I sleep in) I random thought popped into my head - “did Baby J’s EP drop?”. I went to apple music searched “Baby J” clicked on her artist profile and bam! ‘Baby J - Energy’ is right there at the top of my phone screen. I texted her immediately at 2:14am in the morning!

Me: THE EP IS UP!!

Baby J: SAY SWEAR

Me: *sends screenshot of the EP downloading on my phone* NO KIZZY

We rejoiced. We were super excited that it was out. I haven’t known J for long, but I can tell her life revolves around music. Everything comes back to music sooner or later. I love that about her. She gives me ‘big d##k energy’ (if you know what that means). She’s a boss man, she makes shit happen. Nothing but admiration for the talented young singer.

I first reached out to J to be her stylist. I came down to Atlanta a few months ago because my friend Brooke got a gig directing a video and she needed a stylist. I rushed down with a clothing rack, a steamer, bags of clothes, and got straight to work. One of the women involved with that shoot ended up staying at my hotel room, it wasn’t anything sexual, she just was wayyyy too drunk to drive so I took care of her. i’m a nice guy, no big deal. As I digress, that following morning she thanked me for taking care of her and as I packed up my things because checkout was coming up she showed me this video of a singer and I was mesmerized! From that little clip I just knew that singer was special, and that singer was Baby J. So I hit her up to be a stylist, but an even more interesting opportunity came up soon after our first conversation. She asked me to design her merch for her EP, ‘Energy'.

This was my first design gig for something other than my own clothing brand ‘Bridge Boy”, and I was so excited. I told her send me the EP and I’m going to get to work ASAP. She sent it and wow, it was such an amazing project. The version I heard then wasn’t even the project that released today, and I was blown away. She’s going to be someone huge. The world needs Baby J.

If you haven’t guessed by now, today’s topic is Baby J’s new project titled ‘Energy’.

7 songs, 16 minutes, unlimited vibes. The replay value on this project is insane. Her beautiful and strong voice compliments every beat used on here. Her singles ‘ H I G H S H I T”, and ‘Energy’ definitely stand out on this project, but overall every song on here needed to be here.

This project tells a story of growth. The intro track ‘Krushh’ sounds so innocent and pure. Like something the teenyboppers would love, but that switches up INSTANTLY with the follow up track ‘I Need It’. This beat is so fire. That “crush on you” sh*t went out the window really fast. “Baby you been f*ucking with the realest of the real ones” J exclaims on this track, and you can tell from how she said it that she 100% meant that. She was probably beating on her chest in the studio when she recorded this one.

The vibe switches up on ‘Can’t Be What Love Is’. This is my favorite track on the project, and as I continue to post these little write ups you’ll see why. Whoever she had a crush on in the beginning of this journey is pretty much out the picture. You can tell J is done with whatever that situation was. What she wanted, was not what she got it and women will always get what they want. If you won’t provide it someone else will. She’s so calm on here compared to “I Need It’ that you know she’s done. When women get real calm on you it’s over bro. Just go ahead and load up your breakup playlist and cry it out because she’s done.

‘What It Do’ and ‘H I G H S H I T’ is where things completely flip from the first half of this project. This is grown and sexy. That situation on the front half of the project made her into a beast and this is where the ‘big d##k energy’ I mentioned earlier is shown in its entirety. If you miss hearing new Rihanna music, turn these two tracks on and that void will be filled. Baby j is taking charge of things now. She’s in complete control, there won’t be no more games moving forward. She’s going to dictate how things go and that’s made perfectly clear.

‘Holla’ is the grown up version of ‘Krush’. This isn’t a crush at all, this is an I WANT YOU AND I’M GOING TO HAVE YOU situation. If you ever had a girl “holla” at you, you know what I mean. You was her’s before you even got to process it. Like I said earlier, women get what women want.

‘Energy’ closes out the project, and I felt the energy completely throughout this whole process of my 16 minute play through. What wasn’t given to J on the first half of this project was taken. She matured, and she grew as her confidence spiked - she just isn’t that girl she was on the intro anymore. This song felt like a cliffhanger. Though it is a single and I’ve heard it before, this is the first time I’ve heard it as the outro for the EP. The sound of this project evolved throughout just as the lyrics and tone did. There’s much more to come and you can hear it clearly on this track. She’s just getting started as this project comes to close.

I’m looking forward to hearing more Baby J music in the future, and I may or may not have heard a few things, but trust me when I say - we are all in for a treat.

Shout out to gang. Follow her on Instagram @babyjxoxo

Listen to ‘Energy” today https://music.apple.com/us/album/energy/1548174699

Shop her ‘Krush’ and ‘Energy’ merch designed by myself and my wonderful design team

https://baby-j-merch.myshopify.com/collections/all

Until my next koffee *peace sign*

#babyjxoxo newmusic musicreview fakeblogger koffeewithkayano bridgeboy coffee

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kpopyourcherryy · 7 years

Text

Don’t Test Me - (M)

And of course, I can’t forget Tashee~ how does death feel love? 😘

Genre; pure, good ole s m u t

Length; 3,600+ words

Kink(s); overstim., sensory deprivation, rope play(kinda), impact play, degradation/humiliation, boy x boy, exhibitionism, voyeurism, etc

Sitting there with HyunWoo and his friends, the six of you joke about as you all watched Kihyun and Minhyuk take their game of Overwatch just a tad too seriously; nothing but curses and rage filled screeches escaped the men as they killed enemy and died left and right.

Wonho chuckled as he looked over you and his friend, “Hyung, you should give Overwatch a shot.” He playfully teased. “I bet you’d do great.”

Shownu scoffed, shaking his head, “I’d rather not.” He replied, turning to you. “Babe, why don’t you play? You’re pretty good.”

“I- I’m not that good..” You shyly added, “I’m decent at best, but I mean last time we played together you kept shooting at the wrong people- so I suppose I’m good compared to you.”

The boys immediately broke out in a fit of laughter as your little taunt. “God, Hyung, you must be terrible then,” Changkyun added, as Hyungwon just sat back soaking in the roasts that he knew were about to come.

“Oh, he is-” You teased as you quickly flashed your boyfriend an apologetic smile as his face seemed to turn to stone. “I’m sorry babe, but you know it’s true, your kill to death ratio was like 2 to 40.”

Minhyuk practically fell back laughing as he paused the game, turning back towards your boyfriend, Kihyun pressed his lips together in an attempt to hold back his laughter. “Yah, Hyung, why are you bad? You watch me play all the time.”

“That’s probably why!” Minhyuk wittily retorted in his fit of laughter, immediately shielding himself as Ki lifted his hand- playing smacking his thigh.

You sat there, laughing along with his friends- your stomach seemed to knot up with anxiousness as you felt his eyes burn into you. As your giggles slowly dissipated you leaned back onto the couch, you rested your head on his shoulder. Pressing his lips against the top of your head, your boyfriend moved lower, “Just wait..” He coldly whispered before pressing his lips against your head once more.

Your body automatically reacted, blood rushed to your cheeks as inappropriate thoughts invaded your mind.

But alas, despite his unexpected warning and your less than pure the afternoon flew by without anymore random happening, and one by one after having dinner, each of the other boys went to do their own things for the rest of the evening.

As HyunWoo went to the bedroom, you headed over to the kitchen- perfectly prepared to spend the rest of the time cleaning up and cuddling up with your teddy bear of a boyfriend. You stood there over the sink, washing dishes- peacefully humming to yourself when you spotted him walking over to you in your peripheral vision.

“I thought you were going to bed, babe.” You chuckled as you scrubbed one of the plates, rinsing it in the warm running water as he moved behind you.

“How could I?” He smoothly replied as gripped your waist from behind before reaching over; shutting off the faucet. His hands moved from your hips as he slipped black silk fabric around your eyes; blinding you. “Babe-” You anxiously giggled, remembering his little warning from earlier. “Wha- What are you doing?”

Your boyfriend stayed silent as he led you away from your spot, and over to what you knew to be the living room. “Babe, I’m serious wha-” You began only to be cut off as he put his over your mouth. Goosebumps rose all over your body as you felt his warm breath brush against the nape of your neck; his lips right beside you ear, “Shut up..” He icily snarled, grabbing your wrists- pinning them behind your back as he forced you onto your knees.

You shuddered as you heard the sound of his belt come loose, his heavy steps coming to a halt as he stopped in front of you. The snap of his leather belt causing you to wince in response. “You know y/n...” He began, his steps starting up again as he seemed to move behind you; the cool leather gently grazing your forearm.

“It’s one thing to joke around with my friends..” He hissed, lightly tapping your upper back with his belt. “but talking shit and trying to humiliate me in front of them is another.” Just as you opened your mouth to defend yourself, it was almost as if he could read your mind. “Don’t..” He growled, crouching down- his fingers hooking around the waistband of your sweats, yanking them down your thighs. “I don’t want to hear your little excuses, understand little girl?”

Immediately you nodded, “Uh huh..” You timidly muttered, the sudden sting from his belt had you letting out muffled yelps as you roughly bit down on your lip.

“Talk right little girl..” He harshly replied, “I don’t want any half-assed responses, those will get this cute little ass of yours so bruised you won’t be able to sit for a week. Under-fucking-stand?”

“Yes..” You quickly responded, wincing as you heard him move. “Yes, Daddy I understand. I’m- I’m sorry..”

HyunWoo chuckled at you mousy apology, sadistically running the leather along the sore flesh just to keep your anxieties high. “Mmm, I like seeing you so timid, my love..” He purred as he began looping his belt around your wrists, binding them behind your back. As he stood, he looked over your delicate bound form, grinning to himself. “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.”

You just nodded as he his hefty footsteps became faint. God what grave did you just dig for yourself? What was he planning? Most important what toys was he about to bring out? These questions seemed to rattle your brain as you anxious knelt there, enduring the pain that started to irritate your knees while you waiting for him to come back.

It seemed as if he were purposely taking his sweet time, just to make you regret your shit talking even more. Suddenly you heard someone approaching, but it was different this time... it was as if multiple people were coming towards you. Your heart immediately shot down to your stomach as you heard Hyungwon’s voice.

“Y-Y/n..” He uttered, shock coating his voice as whispers followed. “What’s going on?” Wonho suddenly added, walking over to where you were- just as he crouched down to undo your restraints, Shownu returned.

“No talking, little girl.” He snarled, as he gave his friend a damn near deathly glare. “Get away.” Motioning at both him and Hyungwon, “Both of you either go back to your rooms or you know what.. if you wanna stay, take a seat and shut up.”

Your eyes widen behind your blindfold at his suggestion, “Bu- But..” You managed to timidly stutter out only to be quieted by the feeling of his dagger like gaze burning into you.

“That’s what I thought..” Shownu snarled, scoffing as his attention turned back to his friends. “Now, are you two gonna stay or leave? Because if you’re not, go right now- I have a little brat that needs to be taught some manners and I’m not gonna put with you two wasting my time.”

Neither of the men could believe the sin that was unraveling right there in their living room, “Hy-Hyung, what’s gotten into you?” Wonho timidly asked, unable to pry his hungry gaze off your bound form.

Shownu smugly grinned as he noticed both of his friend eyes fixated on you. “Answer me babyboy..” He smoothly purred while brushing loose strands of hair out of your face, moving it all to one side to expose your unmarked neck. “Don’t you think she looks amazing like this? Bound and just so helpless... Don’t you wanna watch me destroy her?”

Something came over both men, Hyungwon suddenly spoke up- you could hear his footsteps coming closer, then stopping as he plopped down on to the couch beside you. “I do..” He sweetly purred, reaching his hand out to Wonho who seemed to melt at the perfect sight you were. “Come, sit with me, Wonho-Hyung... Let’s enjoy the show..”

Wonho made his way over his younger friend, taking his hand as he took a seat beside him. “Good boys...” HyunWoo cooed, flashing them a soft smile before turning his attention back to you. “Now just sit back and relax, watch me wreck my little angel..”

Both of the men reclined back into the couch, watching as their Hyung looked down at you with nothing but pure lust and anger in his eyes.

You practically trembled as his death stare piercing into you as you heard his footsteps start up again. Your boyfriend circled your bound body like a starved predator would do it's prey, admiring the way the black silk blindfold complimented your rosy cheeks. As his pacing came to a halt, he crouched in front of you- brightly grinning at the things he had planned for you.

"Don't ever test me again, little girl.." He smoothly whispered into your ear before deafening you; sliding on the noise canceling headphones he bought just for this occasion. “Mhmm,” He purred as he caressed your cheek; his soft touch causing you to wince slightly. Turning his attention to his friends, he gave them a playful smirk as he waved your vibe in the air. “Let’s watch how much my little girl can take, hm?” He chuckled, switching the toy on. “But first, how strong should it be?”

Wonho looked over at Hyungwon; who was actively palming his hardened member through his shorts. “Uh..” He began, biting his lower lip as his eyes zeroed in on your dripping core. “High. Put it on the highest setting..” He added, “- and don’t pull it away from her until she cums at least twice.”

HyunWoo scoffed at the younger man's suggestion, but couldn’t help approving of it either. He wanted to watch you writhe as you came, then hear you cry out as over-stimulation consumed your sensitive body. “Hmm, you’re a smart little boy aren’t you?” He rhetorically asked, turning back to you and the toy he had in hand; flipping it to it’s highest setting.

Before he even allowed it anywhere near your heat, he teased you with it. Gently running the cold metal over your clothed nipples, relishing the sweet little whines that flowed out of you as he circled them before tracing down your stomach. “You’re gonna looks so lovely, babygirl..” He cooed, knowing the head phones prevented you from hearing anything.

He gently began to outline your slit, grazing your clit ever so slightly as your juices coated the toy. The room slowly filling with your needy sounds as he began to concentrate the vibe on your throbbing pearl. Your face contorted with pure pleasure while throat tearing moans escaped your open mouth, “Da- Daddy!~” You whined, stuttering as the overwhelming sensation of the toy made it hard for you to even concentrate on breathing.

Those they couldn’t see, your eyes practically rolled back into your skull as frequent high pitched sounds escaped you. Your body trembled as the fast vibrations had quickly caused that wild flame in your core to intensify like it never had before. You could feel your core clench as an orgasm began barrelling towards you, “I- I..” You stuttered, your sounds turning into desperate whimpers that seemed to feel more than just the living room.

A smug grin painted across your boyfriend’s face as he listened to your sobbing noises, watching as your entire body seemed to melt and shake the closer you got to your climax. “God damn..” Hyungwon groaned, stroking his member through his sweats; his flushed with a vibrant shade of red. “She’s so fucking sexy, Hyung.. I wanna cum just watching her.

Wonho suddenly got on his knees, swatting his friend's hand away from his manhood and replacing it with his. “Let me help you, baby..” Wonho purred, as his arousal skyrocketed. Hooking his fingers around the waistband of Hyungwon’s sweats, quickly yanking them down to his mid-thighs. “I wanna make you cum with y/n..”

Shownu chuckled as he watched Wonho begin to pleasure their younger friend, bobbing his head and hand down his length; creating this heavenly mix of yours and his moans. “Fuck, she’s gonna cum soon..” Shownu warned, gritting his teeth as his own arousal grew the more he watched your body writhe at the intensity of it all. “I suggest you work that pretty mouth of yours quick, Wonho.”

The blue hair man smirked around the tip of his friend's cock, “Be a good boy for me and cum Hyungwon..” He smoothly cooed, giving his member sweet kitten licks before taking him back into his mouth- allowing him to entire his throat every so often.

“Holy fuck..” Hyungwon moaned, his hands running through his friends silkened hair; giving it faint tugs as his warm mouth felts like magic. “Hy- Hyung..” He whimpered, pursing his lips together as his brows furrowed; his high quickly rising the more his friend swallowed around him.

“Mhmm..” Hoseok purred as he felt his cock twitch in his mouth, signaling his incoming climax. Suddenly you let out a throat shredding cry while tears soaked your blindfold, streaming down your reddened face, “I can’t- I can’t hold it anymore, Daddy... I need..” You shakily whimpered, your voice trailing off as your orgasm suddenly slammed into you.

Your body tensed as your climax wracked through you, sending you spiraling into the pitch blackness of pure ecstasy. “Da- Daddy..” You innocently cried out as you slowly realized that he wouldn’t allow you to calmly ride out your orgasm; your boyfriend still pressing and circling your clit with the torturous toy. “Pl- Please..”

He didn’t even bother to answer, knowing you couldn’t hear a thing anyway. Instead, he just continued his assault, watching you heavily pant as you attempted to wriggle away from the toy. Using his free hand, he tightly snaked his arm around you; keeping you in place.

As he became concentrated on his onslaught, Hyungwon grunted as Wonho deep throated him- allowing his friend to coat his throat with his warm cum. “Fu- Fuck, fuck..” He repeatedly cursed, his head sinking back into the couch as his Hyung slowly rose from his member, flashing his a toothy grin before licking his lips.

Wonho giggled as he tucked his friend's flaccid cock back into his pants, giving his thigh a soft pat as he returned to his seat beside him. “You came so much.” He teased the jaded man, allowing him lay across his lap. “Y/n must really turn you on..” Hyungwon just lazily nodded in response, still coming down from his climax while continuing to enjoy the little show that was unfolding in front of them.

“Too- too much..” You weakly mumbled, gasping for air as over-stimulation slowly took over- the sweet bliss you once felt rapidly turned into an overwhelming burning yet numb sensation that had you whimpering for freedom from it.

Swiftly he laid you on the carpeted floor, spreading your legs nice and wide just to make sure his friends had the best view of your pretty little pussy. A pompous grin sprawled across your boyfriends face as he moved the toy from your hypersensitive pearl to your sopping entrance. “Look at my little sluts cunt..” He proudly purred, teasing your hole with the essence coated toy. “-so fucking pretty and wet.”

Both Shownu and Wonho seemed to groan in unison as he slowly pushed the toy inside you; intently watching as you welcomed its girth. “Fu- Fucking hell..” You hissed, biting your lower lip the deeper he pushed it in.

Wonho couldn’t take it anymore, his arousal instantly went through the roof at the lovely sight you were. Gently he lifted Hyungwon off him and began struggling with the buttons of pants when his friend turned onto his stomach to assist him, “Let me take care of you Hyung..” He cheekily added as his long fingers quickly undid his jeans. “It’s only fair..”

His Hyung automatically obliged, gracefully pushing down his jeans; watching Shownu fuck you with the toy as his friend’s icy hand wrapped around his length. “Mhmm..” Wonho purred, leaning his head back into the couch, his dark gaze switching from you to his friend every moment he could.

“You enjoying yourselves?” Shownu fiendishly jeered over to his friends, not even sparing them a glance as he quickened his pace; pumping the toy into you with deep quick strokes. Neither of the men seemed to be capable of speaking a single word and inside just nodded in unison while Hyungwon slowly began to lower his mouth onto Wonho’s thick length; drawing out his magnificent groans.

As your boyfriend’s pace sped up, the pain from the over-stimulation soon turned into bliss once more. Your pleading cries turned into ecstasy filled moans in a split second as that sweet warmth comforted your body. “Oh, my gosh..” You whined while practically melting against the floor. The mix of the fast vibrations and deep pumps had your mind going completely blank. “S- So good..”

HyunWoo airily chuckled at your words or lack of words actually; after all, it just let him know what a good job he’d been doing. As he quickened his thrusts once again, more of those wonderful needy moans escaped you as he repeatedly hit your most sensitive spot while reaching over- pulling off the headphones in a quick motion, tossing them onto the couch.

The second they were off the mixture of the loud toy, erotic slurping, and Wonho’s lewd sounds invaded your ears. “Da-Daddy..” You purred, that sweet urge building up the more you listened to the pornographic song, “I wanna cum again..” Your heated body shivered as you felt your boyfriends icy hand creep under your shirt, pushing up your torso; exposing your bare chest and tummy. “Ahh.~” You hummed, pursing your lips together as he began pinching your sensitive nipples.

“Such a pretty little girl.” Shownu softly said, moving his hands back down to your lower stomach. “Let’s see how much you cum this time, shall we?” Immediately Shownu ruthlessly fucked you with the toy as his free hand ran down to your flower, sweetly rubbing your throbbing pearl in relentless circles.

Your body immediately responded, your climax seemed closer than you previously thought as he continued his assault. “Da..” You breathlessly cried out as you attempted to squirm away once again.

“Not uh princess..” Shownu growled, his aggressive behavior instantly returned as he quickly yanked you closer to him. “Take it, babygirl..” He snarled as he returned his attention to your hypersensitive clit while deeply pushing the toy into your cunt.

You laid there, shaking as nothing but sobbing moans escaped you, “Sh- Holy shit.” You whined as you tugged on your leather restraints.

Wonho sat there, enjoying the show going on in front of him as Hyungwon allowed him to fuck his face, “God I’m so close..” He growled, groaning through gritted teeth as he felt his friend hollow his cheeks around him.

“Cum with y/n then, just like your little Hyungwon did.” Shownu cheekily suggested before licking his lips as he noticed your pussy clamping down on the toy.

Nodding, the younger man agreed while the sexiest smirk sprawled across his angelic face. “Yes- Yes, Sir...” Wonho smoothly replied as his toned body began to tense the more his climax inched closer with each thrust into Hyungwon’s warm mouth.

Though you couldn’t see what was going on, every sound that filled the room seemed just push you closer to the edge of your euphoric doom. Your moans began to slowly turn into shallow gasps as you the sweet warmth slowly began to wash over you. “I- I..” You whimpered, “I need to cum..”

Your boyfriend sadistically chuckled, continuing his onslaught as he watched you chest rise with each delicate breath you took. “Just hold on a little longer princess.” He cooed, knowing very well you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself for very long.

With his hand in his hair, Wonho roughly began fucking Hyungwon’s mouth; slamming down his throat with each stroke. “Fuck, fuck, fuck..” He snarled as he viciously chased his high. “God, I’m gonna fucking cum- I’m gonna cum.” He whined, his thrust becoming sloppy.

“Cum with your Oppa, baby.” Shownu cooed, toying with your clit. Instantly, the coil in your core came undone as the warmth you felt turned into this near paralyzing wash of burning coolness.

You couldn’t utter a single word as your second orgasm seemed to be more intense than the last. Leaning over to you, Shownu swiftly pulled the blindfold off; the silk came free with ease, “Look at what you’ve done to them, princess.” He said in a hushed tone.

Lazily you opened your eyes, wincing at the bright light at first as your eyes adjusted. Slowly, you turned over to the couch where Wonho and Hyungwon were; the instant you laid eyes on them, Wonho’s own high collided with him. “God damn..” He cursed as he shoved himself deep into his friend's throat, making sure to coat it with every last drop of his cum before allowing him up.

Hyungwon slowly lifted himself off Wonho’s softening cock, gasping for air as it invaded his lungs. “Ahh...” He breathlessly hummed, laying himself back down on the couch.

You laid there, wide eyed with vibrant red cheeks as you looked over the jaded men. Shownu wickedly laughed at your shock, grinning widely while wrapping his hand behind your neck; switching off and removing the toy from you before lifting you from your spot and onto his lap. “Maybe next time..” He chillingly began as you rested your head against his muscular chest. “If you’re a good girl, I’ll let them play with you while Daddy fucks your brains out.”

“How does that sound kitten?”

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serenavonromvesen · 5 years

Text

September 21st, 2019.

I really don’t know where else to vent but on tumblr. I have always used tumblr as an outlet for venting and I’m reaching a point where I really just need to write out how I’m feeling, without cramping my hand writing with pen and paper.

I feel really lonely as far as friends go. I have an AMAZING group of friends, but so many of them live far away. I have my tribe and I feel I will always have that, but its never the same as having lady friends, I literally have like three or four ladyfriends that I can actually hang out with in person, and only one of them is someone I didnt meet through my boyfriend first. its not that I have anything I want to share behind him, its that I always feel like on some level they’re always more his friend than mine- and at that, I didn’t choose most of them to be in my life, they were given to me. don’t get me wrong, I’m SO grateful for anyone I do have currently in my life. I just don’t have any friends who truly understand me, and especially not that are into the things that I am. I would love so much to be able to be friends with another tattoo model in my area, and ACTUALLY genuinely have a real friendship. I emphasize ‘genuinely’ because this industry is FULL of backstabbing bitches that would throw you in front of a bus to get one more step ahead of you. I just want a girl I can hang out with all the time SO bad. and the one person here who is awesome, works like ALLLLL the time. it sucks pretty bad when you only have one true friend and they end up getting way too busy for you. she’s supposed to move away anyways she said, so I guess I better get used to it now anyways. I’m just so sad of having no girls to actually hang out with. Skyping with my best friend is great, but it just isnt the same- and a lot of time I do get put aside compared to actually going to hang out with people anyways. which i dont have here.

now, I’m SUPER introverted, nervous, shy, socially awkward AND anxious, and sometimes I have a hard time making normal conversation. in fact, I am always secretly bothered by the fact that I’m PRETTY SURE i have some form of Autism, but I would never actually say that I am being diagnosed, but I am terrified to find out. I once emailed a place to ask some questions and set an appointment, but I never heard back.. that was i think last year. Anyways, I don’t want a ton of friends or anything. I dont want to hang out every day- it’s exhausting. but I still want the option to be able to call someone up in those rare days where I do feel like going outside or seeing people, to actually have fun. I used to have that in New Jersey, my group of girls that I hang with an we all really support each other. I miss them so bad. I am SO homesick for like, the last two years now. I try not to think about it if I can help it, but I miss my friends, I miss my mom.. I hate that I’m missing my baby cousins grow up, I hate that I’ve FINALLY made a connection with some of my cousins and now I’ll rarely ever see them, I hate that I can’t do body suspensions more often, I hate that I don’t get to see my brother Sean when he visits... but most of all I do HATE New Jersey and could never live there. I just wish so bad it hadn’t been like 4-5 years since I’ve seen my friends and family. it hurts. I’m so homesick for just the strong friendships I have.

I just...know its possible. I know its possible to have the small group of friends I want. I just wish girls weren’t so...mean and competitive. I just feel so lonely. I feel like I don’t have anyone to hang out with thats a female. why is everyone so far away? I’m home alone all day every day. you’d think a puppy wouldve made me feel less alone, but really I’m a thousand times more stressed than ever. I wanted to move for a fresh start, to breathe, so enjoy peace...and as soon as I got here everyones over all the time and it just reminds me how I dont have friends of my own, and how my friends dont come to visit me, and how I never get a second to myself. I finally got the chance and heres this puppy. i love him with my life but I AM SO STRESSED!!! I’m with him 10-14 hours a day by myself and then half of the time I’m still the one dealing with him at the crack of dawn, too. I never get time alone unless he sleeps and then I have to walk on eggshells to not wake him up- AND I DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING WANT THIS!!! when I was forced to give up my other pupper, Hades, I said I never wanted a puppy again because IT IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. it puts me on edge and greatly disrupts my bipolar. i literally CANT handle it. I said I would get a dog no younger than 2 years old. I wanted a border coli so bad, maybe even a doberman because I still miss my old dog Max SO MUCH! I like bigger dogs and never really was a big fan of little dogs. I like a dog I can give a whole ass hug to, and feel protected by when I walk alone down a street with him. but no, Michael had to choose, he wanted a puppy, he wanted a small-type pure bred dog which means it’ll be twice as expensive twice as often with vet visits. but he wanted it. he insisted. and now, here we are, just like scooping the litter boxes for all 4 cats, its pretty much almost entirely left on me to do. for so so long I told myself “well he works and I dont really work, I’m home all day and hes not here much to have the time for it.” but you know what I realized? That when I worked full time at Starbucks, or when I worked two jobs at both the Smoke Shoppe AND Spencers, that I still put in the same amount of work as all of this- I was still expected to do all of this. at that, I am SO SICK AND TIRED of him asking me EVERY FUCKING DAY “will you mop today? will you do the laundry? will you do that dogs medicine? will you change the cat boxes?” periodically throughout every morning. like oh, I didn’t realize that I was a fucking 4 year old that needs direction on needing to do basic fucking cleaning tasks!!!!! the only reason I dont get to half that stuff most of the time is that I’m annoyed as fuck at being told what to do / treated that way, and that by the time he leaves for work theres been a whole fucking list of shit lined up that I now feel EXPECTED to do before hes home from work. it literally aggravates me SO MUCH just typing about it because im so fucking pissed off that he does this EVERYMOTHERFUCKINGDAY. it makes me feel angry and completely overwhelmed and then I just spend my entire day dreading it then rushing to do it right before he gets home from work. I just fucking hate it. like I’m fucking 25 years old, I know what the fuck to do to keep the fucking house clean, thanks.

at that, between the no friends, the fucking belittlement of being given a verbal list of chores every day, and the stress from puppy I absolutely did NOT ask for, I am feeling so depressed. I wanted a new house so I could ENJOY it, but instead any moment in my backyard is spent trying to get the puppy to stop eating random crap the people before us left- like glass, I cant enjoy how the inside looks because theres puppy training pads all over the floor which the floor is always dirty because of being in and out of the house with the puppy, or just even a moment of peace at all. like literally this defeated the whole entire purpose of wanting to move. its still a gazillion times better than the trailer, I still totally love this house, but because of my stress and loneliness level, I feel nearly just as depressed as before.

what doesnt help is lately Michael has been SO negative abut things. it’s like when I finally am enjoying myself, he comes through like a wrecking ball being negative, depressing, unsupportive, argumentative, and just plain giving off vibes that make me feel so down. He still makes me feel super happy like 98% of the time, but it is such a downer when hes being super negative about EVERYTHING. or when he gets my hopes up about things and then goes back on his word. he LOVES to tell me yes to shut me up then saying no when it becomes real, a mega part of why I haven’t gotten to visit my family in 4 years. and then he makes me feel SO bad about it. he has no problem bragging to everyone about a vacation, but when its just us suddenly its “I have to do this on my own” and “it’s expensive” like really? thanks for bragging about it for two months, waiting until we have it a month away to tell me its 100% on me to plan it, then complain about everything I tried to plan, WHILE making me feel like a complete and utter loser that I’m a failure at everything I try to do so now I don’t make any money. I literally fucking hate myself again. that’s where I’m at. I’m starting to find my body, my hair, my face- all of it repulsive. I hate how I look. I hate my hair and how my dreads are all lose, but I have to ask him for money to be able to fix my hair. he always tells me just ask and it isnt a problem but then when I do want to do things he makes me wait ages and puts it off or flat out complains- or if it all goes smoothly he throws it in my face the first fight we have. I just feel like such a fucking loser, that’s getting uglier by the day. and when I finally worked up the courage to go to the gym, its like pulling teeth to get him to go- I’ve been asking for a year and we STILL haven’t gone. I want to be a breakdancer SO BAD and I’ll never get to do that if I can’t go to the gym to work out. he tells me to just go but he doesnt understand that being a woman alone in public these days you’re at extreme risk of being raped and 10/10 multiple dudes will trying saying gross things and hitting on you/catcalling. I wish so so so so so bad I could go out for a day and have not a soul talk to me or look at me. what a dream that would be. I just cant go alone. its literally dangerous. scary.

I just feel so STUCK. I want to make money so I can contribute to the house and pay for what I need MYSELF. I never ever liked being someone who fully depends on someone like that. hell, a decade ago I refused to let anyone even get me a simple drink from a convenience store. it still feels uncomfortable to have to be like this. I want to be able to take care of myself. to know that if it was just me that I wouldnt just...be out on the streets. now I’m getting married and its a great relief that thats a less legitimate fear, but I still want to be able to take care of myself so that I could help my babe. he works SO hard for us and spends SO much money taking care of us, I just want to be able to pay my part of that and make HIS life easier, so that we BOTH can do more things that we like instead of just paying bills till the next check. I feel so useless and worthless. but everything I try to do I just fail at, or I’m too depressed and just lose the passion for it. or the will to do nearly anything. I really thought moving was going to change everything for me but... I feel nearly just as depressed. the environment change has definitely helped but, it didn’t suddenly cure my depression like I hoped for..

I just feel so alone, in like, literally everything I try to do. I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. when I do think I fit in, it just turns out to be a delayed rejection. I swear I get screwed over and stabbed in the back more often than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. I’m easily forgotten and definitely easy to fuck over. I just wish people werent so hateful and selfish... all I want is to have female friends I can actually hang out with, have some help with my puppy, to talk to my fiance without him thinking I’m having an argument, to workout so I can dance, and to do something I love that makes me happy that I can make money with. I feel like I failed as a model too. I make all these plans and then.. I can never accomplish them. I often think, is it worth it really? to compete with all these girls when I dont care about competition? to be screwed over because I’m an opponent to everyone I wish I was friends with? to try and build working-relationships with photographers who seem to forget about me before I even get my pictures back? to not be paid for modeling when I spent tons of money on clothes for shoots? to not have my name out there after a year and a half? to not even be able to find a photographer that wants to shoot for publication? or be told I’m not inked enough to shoot again (the day after I got tattooed?)? I just feel like a failure. I spent over a thousand dollars on clothes for shoots, plus all traveling expenses, to have only ever profited $50 one time and then never get my edited photos back. I just feel like I’m not worth anything, that I can’t contribute or make money without making myself excessively unhappy working jobs I hate- only to be belittled there too.

I don’t even care about social media anymore. I don’t care to check instagram or post on it. why? so I can spend two hours doing makeup so I could post a selfie to write another caption telling everyone that “one day” I’ll do more? what’s the point? If only I had someone I could invite over to talk to about it :( I just feel so...unexcited by everything. like Stan in the episode about shit. I’m bored, I feel gross, I feel lonely, I’m overwhelmingly stressed, I’m growing to hate myself again, and I feel like I don’t have the positive influence I need to get better. I WANT to get better, I just need help and I don’t have anyone I feel I could reach out to that could actually help me. I just really need a friend...

#lonely #need friends #personal #feeling small #journal entry

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