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#hahahahahaha
turnipoddity · 1 day
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Lawrence: Let me see what you have!
Adam: A knife!
Lawrence: Yes!
oh A+ for vine reference
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piromina · 1 month
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me writing fanfiction
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jaegersdevil · 5 months
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satoru: who got an STD? i need you to fuck someone for me
suguru: calling an STD hit is absolutely insane
shoko: biological whorefare
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whilomm · 2 years
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OH YEAH, THE ENTIRE STADIUMS CHANTING ABOUT HOW SHE WAS DEAD SEEMED REAL FUCKIN WON OVER LMAO
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ruskaroma · 11 months
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If John is eating reader out on her period then he must enjoy fucking her in it as well, and raw. But what if reader doesn’t know what John does for a living and wonders why it turns him on so much to have period sex?
She’ll notice how intensely he watches his cock disappear into her sensitive pussy, and how he moans at the sight of his cock coming out coated with reader’s blood. And coming inside her? She wonders how such a messy and gross act can awaken something primal in the sophisticated man.
With all the blood that John has shed, there’s something so satisfying about fucking clueless reader when she’s on her period. He’s not hurting her (and would never), matter of fact he’s pleasuring her! It’s such a contrast between both acts and John is glad to experience the latter with reader.
you are onto something and i’m here for it.
listen. listen.
john wick has a MASSIVE (cock) corruption kink. i repeat, john wick has a MASSIVE (cock) corruption kink.
it turns him on so much how unaware you are of his job. you don’t know just how much bodies he disposes on a daily basis and how dangerous he could be, yet you still stay with him because you don’t know. john gets off on your naivety.
when he’s fucking you on your period, it’s pure heaven. it’s filthy, but god does it feel so good. especially for john, who’s always enjoying the sight of his cock sinking in your bloody cunt.
and you’re extra sensitive when you’re on your period !! you turn into a crybaby. just one touch from him and you’d already be tearing up and just beg for him to start fucking you already.
“i remember how much you hated period sex at first,” he’d tease, biting at your neck as he plows his large cock deeper inside your pussy, hitting the deepest parts of your insides you could feel it in your stomach. “you said it’s too messy, but you don’t have to worry about such things, baby. i like it messy.”
“y-you’re so weird,” you whimper, holding on to his shoulders as your legs shake from pleasure. “y-you get turned on with my blood. a-are you a v-vampire?”
“maybe,” john smirks, nipping your neck. “would you still take my cock if i am?”
“m-maybe.”
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swan2swan · 1 year
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TFW when you throw Cartoon Network under the bus for being misogynists who cancelled your show and refused to pick up your new show ten years ago because a woman was at the center of it.
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petrigrofyuri · 7 months
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remember in ‘come along with me’ where Shermy wears Simons glasses and a recreation of the crown and now look over towards ‘Casper & Nova’ and some of ‘Cheers’ where Golbetty sends Simon into Shermys body haha remember that guys
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kermitbread · 7 months
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more girl dinner for me
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marleysfinest · 7 months
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you look so pretty...
nsfw eren x fem reader. minors dni. cw public foreplay/sex, mild dominance, eren being stroppy
word count 1.9k
obligatory tags to the eren babes @somelattes & @bloompompom
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you stretch and rub the sleep from your eyes, pleased to see that the weather has improved since yesterday. eren stirs slowly beside you, eyes closed, but you know he's awake. before you have a chance to slip out of bed and head towards the shower, his arm snakes around your waist, pulling you in close.
"mornin'," he croaks, eyes still firmly closed as he clings on to sleep as firmly as he's clinging to you. "time is it? come back to sleep."
you stroke his forearm affectionately as you contemplate the attractive idea, but you know that you should get moving. you want to beat the crowds at the mall before it becomes unbearably busy, knowing that saturday shoppers bring out the worst in you.
"nine," you reply quietly, "c'mon, if you're coming with me then we should get up."
his hold on you tightens, pinning you square against him beneath the feathery sheets.
"d'you have to go?" he asks, his voice carrying a slight whine that you're all too familiar with, "let's just stay here. we've got the whole weekend."
you groan, wishing you could stay, but knowing that there was no way that you could squeeze another week out of your work shirts. you'd left it long enough; if you pushed your luck any further, then you risked an embarrassing incident that you knew for certain you didn't need. no, it had to be today. he tries his best to encourage you to stay, his fingers tracing your breasts and pinching your nipple, knowing it's usually a sure-fire way to get you in the mood, but you're taken by a strange sense of determination this morning.
"c'mon," you urge, tapping his arm so that he releases you, and you sit up on the edge of the bed, "sooner I go, sooner I'm back. you coming?"
eren looks up at you with hooded, scowling eyes, dark hair tangled against the cotton pillowcase, and heaves a sigh.
"fine," he succumbs, "go shower and get ready, I'll hop in after you."
eren reluctantly agrees to join you, thinking that spending time with you while shopping for clothes is better than no time at all. his grumpiness alleviates slightly when you offer to buy him coffee en route, and so you slip into the starbucks outside the mall before beginning your mission. you call up your orders - hazlenut latte for him, chai latte for you - and before long you're swiping up your orders from the barista at the end of the counter. you take a sip, savouring the richness, and eren does the same.
"good?" he asks, you nod, swallowing your mouthful of coffee.
"mine too," he adds, "although, I can't help but think you'd have enjoyed the taste of me better this morning..."
his voice trails off, making it no secret what he was insinuating. you slow your pace to glare at him, eyebrows raised, surprised at how he was being so forward even by his standards.
"we've got the whole weekend," you reply, deciding to throw his own words back at him, which has the desired affect. you just about hear the sigh of frustration escape his flaring nostrils, and you could've sworn that a quiet groan slipped from the back of his throat. feeling strangely pleased with yourself, you pick up your pace, heading inside the mall with your boyfriend in tow.
despite it still being relatively early, the stores are already packed with shoppers hungry for a deal. you elbow and rub shoulders with the public as you frantically search for your new work clothes, becoming more and more desperate to be at home with every passing minute. when you finally reach a section of zara that not only has a half-decent offering of shirts, but is quiet, you take the opportunity to relax the tension in your muscles and flick through the rails at a much more leisurely pace. after pulling some pieces to try on, you feel eren's presence behind you, boxing you in beside the secluded racks. before you have a chance to ask him what he's doing, you feel a cold hand rub against your thigh before riding up your skirt and grabbing a handful of your ass. you smirk as you realise the game that eren's playing, and as he repositions himself, he wraps his remaining arm around your waist, pinning you to him as the other slides his hand from your ass to the elastic of your panties. his fingers barely graze your lips as you suddenly feeling him pressed up against you, and you realise that he's really the one being tormented here.
"something wrong, baby?" you ask, your head lolling back to rest against his shoulder. he looks down at you, emerald eyes burning, the hunger in his expression more obvious than the nose on his face.
"nothin'," he replies, "just... trying to persuade you."
"here?"
"what? we're alone."
there's conviction in his statement, and you realise that he genuinely believes what he's insinuating. you know that, if you gave him the word, he'd fuck you right there against the rails, but having sex at the risk of being seen by not only fellow shoppers but the numerous security cameras surrounding them was not on your to-do list.
"c'mon," you say gently, breaking him out of his daydream, "I need to go and try this stuff on. come with me? I want your opinion."
you take your head off of his shoulder and peel yourself away from his hold, albeit reluctantly. after quickly scanning for the changing rooms, you take one of eren's hands in yours and pull him after you, your fingers limply entwined. if you sense him slow his pace to observe the swaying of your hips (which perhaps you're doing deliberately), then you're sure it's pure coincidence.
he takes a seat on the little stool outside of your cubicle , and as you close the door with a smile, you can't help but notice the pained look on his face and the hunger in his eyes. after sliding the lock across, you slip off your t-shirt and pull on the silky, candy-floss blouse and carefully do up the buttons. you like it; it feels nice against your skin, and fits well, but you want a second opinion. you open the cubicle door to see eren scrolling absentmindedly on his phone, although not for much longer. he looks up to see you striking a deliberately over the top pose, and there's a swell of butterflies in your stomach. you giggle and await his response, noting the almost predatory way he's looking at you as he tucks his phone back into his pocket.
"let me take a closer look," he mumbles, sighing as he gets to his feet and joins you in the cubicle.
once the door is locked once again, eren keenly inspects the shirt. his eyes wander from where it hugs your waist and up to where it gently enhances your breasts, looking progressively unconvinced.
"I don't like it," he says frankly, finally meeting your gaze. "take it off."
you huff a sigh, and slowly begin to undo the buttons from top to bottom, pretending to fumble to see just how much you can rile him. after just two buttons, eren quietly growls and reaches for you in an almost angry frenzy. you're taken aback, but don't mind as long as he doesn't rip off any buttons. he pushes the blouse off of your shoulders, exposing your chest and lacy bra, bringing himself closer to getting exactly what he wants. he takes two handfuls of your breasts and begins to massage them, leaning in to smother himself in them, kissing and licking, knowing how it always gets you going. as your head falls back, you can't help but smile.
"someone's desperate," you tease. he looks at you intensely, and you pretend to ignore the sound of him undoing his belt buckle.
"someone is being a little brat," he retorts, "take it off."
you oblige, realising that, despite achieving some privacy in the changing room, you are still technically in public, and drawing attention to yourselves wouldn't be the wisest choice. you also knew that eren wasn't above causing a ruckus to get what he wanted. you slip the blouse off, letting it fall carelessly to the floor, and succumb to your boyfriend's somewhat feral urges. he hooks his hands around your thighs and forces you to wrap your legs around him, and pins you to the changing room wall. his lips are all over your neck and collarbone, licking and sucking and leaving trails of faint love bites that you'd need to cover with concealer on monday morning. you feel him pressed between your legs, and you realise that you hadn't even noticed him slip his boxers down to his ankles, and so when he slips your panties to one side and slides in with ease, it takes you by surprise. you suck in the air through your teeth as you're forced to adjust, the sound of your breath making him twitch.
"isn't this what you wanted?" he asks, purring into your ear, "isn't this what you've been teasing me about all day long?"
you smile as you cling to him, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders and gripping on to his t-shirt. he begins to thrust in and out painfully slowly, drawing out quiet but heavy sighs from you each time his pelvis meets yours. your head lolls back against the wall, and despite your eyelids falling heavily through pleasure, you know that eren is looking at you in this state of risky euphoria. you feel his grip on your thighs tighten, pulling you closer together, and burying himself as deep as he can go. you bite back a groan, knowing that he's trying to get a rise out of you, and force out a giggle instead.
"c'mon, you can do better than that," he mutters, suddenly serious as he starts to move his hips again, faster this time. "you're the one that wanted me to come with you. show me what we could've been doing at home all this time. properly."
for a split second you consider it, going all out and letting your inhibitions go so that the entire store would know what you were up to. you even considered whether you liked the place enough to care about inevitably being banned from it, but you still had some of your wits about you. deciding not to fuel his fire any further, you remain silent as you tighten your legs around him, forcing him to bury himself deeper. he throws his head back and groans at the feeling, hitting your deepest part again and again and relishing in the slick building up around him. you let a few choice whimpers escape - louder than you'd wanted - and you both failed to consider anyone who might have been around when you came. eren breaths heavily into the crook of your neck, barely masking his moans as he throbbed inside you, and the two of you stand for a moment while you regain some clarity.
with an always surprisingly gentle hand, eren helps clean you up and get dressed. he carries the clothes you need to return to the rack, saving you the job, and you both walk out of the little changing room with warm cheeks and smiles on your faces.
that was, until you see the security guard standing at the entrance, glaring at you both with the store's suited manager at his side.
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orionsangel86 · 14 days
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I love this place. Never change SPN fandom. Never change.
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callixspod · 1 year
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more random bullshit #2!
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-@blackkatdraws I want them to do vogue together for fun.
-my ver of a yippee narrator :) orig. made by @theyippeeparable
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turnipoddity · 1 month
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new comers in my virgin corner… good lord
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braverytattoos · 11 days
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eefos · 3 months
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jeansyvesmoreau · 2 years
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Because we're all weirdos here
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qxurugosk · 24 days
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The late Lady Topaz. She disappeared trying to save her people.
(Gale your Sister should not be this hot tf)
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I SHOULD DRAW HER MORE WITH GALE THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER
Au by @onyxonline
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