hey my girlfriend saw you from across the bar and we hate your vibe
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Angling in Teyvat: a Glimpse into Aquatic Life across the Continent
From the vast freshwater rivers of Sumeru to the dark depths of Inazuma, aquatic life is diverse and widespread in Teyvat. Some that are common and widely available in fish markets and ponds, and others that only a handful of people have even seen alive in their natural habitat.
Hope you liked this mini series, I might make more if y'all want it :>
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Name: Guppycruncher
Debut: Insaniquarium
Insaniquarium is a really, really stupid game. I love it! Look at the little freak that is Guppycruncher! This is an ambiguously arthropodian creature whose body consists of massive slicing mandibles, a head to power those mandibles, eyes, to seek out its next target, and legs to get it to its prey. Its prey are your beloved, valuable guppies. And best of all, Guppycruncher is your friend!
Here we have a Baby Guppy. The foundation of our entire gameplay experience. Take care of your guppies well, and they will reward you with money! As they grow, their rewards increase, and they may even grow up into a resplendent crowned guppy dropping dazzling diamonds! But sometimes that’s not a viable enough strategy. Sometimes you need money FASTER. And that is where Guppycruncher comes in!
You get no points for guessing what Guppycruncher does to guppies. You do however, get a smile! You are all winners :)
You may think it is silly that, in a game where the goal is to reach a certain amount of money by raising fish, you would intentionally purchase a creature whose sole purpose is to kill and eat these fish before they can even mature. Well, I’m here to tell you that YOU are the silly ones!
See? As Guppycruncher eats guppies, it creates Beetles! Yes, kids, this is where beetles come from! No, I don’t know what an “egg” is! Guppycruncher’s massive jaws make it look quite a bit like an antlion larva’s head, and it functions sort of like the opposite of a real antlion! Guppycruncher eats fish and spits out insects. Meanwhile, real antlions eat insects! And for all you know, they could be pooping out fish underground!
That all being said, I would not be at all surprised if Guppycruncher was inspired by the bobbit worm! Unlike an antlion, it jumps up to catch its prey, as a bobbit worm lunges out from its burrow! It’s like a bobbit worm head with legs. Also, I just want to mention that the butt-like shape of its head reminds me of how big dogs have a butt shape on the top of their heads due to their large jaw muscles! They probably did not have that in mind here, but it is fun anyway.
Anyway, Beetles are where the REAL money is! It quickly becomes more economical to have a steady supply of cheap little guppies in order to feed a growing army of Guppymunchers, since beetles are worth more than currency. But what if you want MORE? More than beetles? Frankly, how dare you ask such a thing. But fine.
Name: Beetlemuncher
“Finally! A use for all those pesky beetles!” -an utter fool
It’s true, I love beetles, and I belittle those who disrespect them, but boy howdy, I love Beetlemuncher, too! Beetlemuncher loves beetles, and in fact thinks they look good enough to munch! However, that will have to wait. Beetlemuncher has a more important mission.
Just kidding! Beetlemuncher’s purpose is to eat beetles. But why? Why continue to extend this cycle of creatures eating creatures? Because Beetlemuncher drops PEARLS! Like an oyster, except these pearls are BETTER, and more valuable.
Just like Guppycruncher, Beetlemuncher is a bizarre but delightful sort of creature! This one is a chameleon head with chameleon arms and a tadpole tail sticking out of it. I love it! In the files, it is known as “gekko”, but I just finished telling you it is more like a chameleon. Please trust me!
So, guppies eat fish food. Guppycruncher eats guppies, and makes beetles. Beetlemuncher eats beetles, and makes pearls. Nothing eats pearls, because pearls are a choking hazard, of course! I hope you have learned a lot about Fish today!
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