#guess which one made me cry more

[kaeyapilled]

i am still not over the fact arlecchino is referred to as "father" by the house of the hearth kids btw. the gender of it all

#i cant articulate this ugh #its just. the idea that she plays not the role of mother #where nurture and compassion would typically be expected of her #but the role of father. where a more stern and i guess distant sort of love might be typically expected. Yeah #i also dont hate the fact she doesnt seem to be abusive to the kids. i know i said i wanted her to be irredeemably evil but i really dig th #s #i actually really like the direction they seem to be taking? where its like. #shes still The Fatui. shes still using orphaned kids for military missions #but she doesnt go out of her way to harm the children. id say she sort of goes out of her way to *not* do so #AGH IT MAKES ME INSANE!!!! #the fontaine siblings' voicelines about her made me utterly insane. particularly freminet's #leaks skip if u dont wanna know but when he says she doesnt like crying so he avoids shedding tears in front of her at all costs (augh) #but still will say that things got better after the house director changed and she took charge #and that she literally told him that he has to value his own life instead of prioritizing self-sacrifice for loved ones' sakes. or somethin #which i take to be good advice for freminet in particular who has some concerning suicidal tendencies going on in there #anyway yeah arlecchino i am obsessed with you #my posts

[mattodore]

bunny moment

#river dipping #ts4 #theodore doe #echthroi #upped the opacity on the sclera overlay i use for him specifically so i could catch him doing this in game #he's soooo cute #i need to start posting more random screenshots of him bc i plan on going back and making a loooooooot of old posts private #especially the ones of like. theo before i fixed his damn hairline #i CAN'TTTTTTT believe i just let him go around looking like that............... sorry theo </3 #but i don't want his tag to be completely empty yk #really i wanna private most of my old posts… or just start my blog over from scratch minus all the core tagged posts and and stuff #hm. much to think about #ANYWAY................. i'm making this post just to say that i guess now that i've finished editing those pics for mattodore's little date #i no longer have an excuse not to go back to trying to retake these screenshots for those mattodore poses i made....... #WAIT. actually yes i do i have to catch up on kmik first #but when i'm done............. then it's back to the sims #which i've left open this whole time... thank you older brothers in stem for your contributions to your youngers siblings who want #your hand me down computer parts 🙏 my computer would be crying and begging me to put it out of its misery w/o you fr

[kuningatar]

nine people i'd like to get to know better

i got tagged by @ravensfreckles thanks 💖

last song: 闇に降る奇跡 by d'espairsray

favorite color: black (and yellow and green and pink)

currently watching: does rewatching old UNHhhh episodes on youtube count? i really haven't been watching anything in a while

last movie/show: killing of the flower moon (it was great!!)

spicy/savory/sweet: it kinda rotates but mostly sweet

current obsession: this stupid mobile game called whiteout survival

last thing you googled: killing of the flower moon (i wanted to make sure i got the name right)

tagging: @raylangivins @arcreactored @faronnorth @acorrespondence @vinylchemist

#i didn't think i'd be obsessing over mobile game but somehow here i am #i downloaded it in the summer to kill so time at the cottage #thought that i'd play it for few weeks and that was over 3 months ago 🙈 #i used to hate games where you had to play with other people #and even in this one my first attitude towards alliances were “ugh guess i have to” #and now that's the biggest reason i like it so much #i've even cried over this game. its ridiculous!!!! #(few members i really like left our alliance and i get why they left but it still made me sad and i'm on my period so instant crying) #but i also just really like plotting and attacking other alliances #it's fun!! #also there's bunch of dumb and ridiculous drama between different players which is fun to follow (it sucks when you're part of it tho :() #it would be much more productive if i was obsessing over duolingo the same way

[girlypsyop]

Man. Leaving a toxic relationship is just an exercise in learning how to live in your own head again.

#lot going on in here folks :'( #but also :') #for a few weeks i couldnt be alone couldnt be in silence couldnt just. think. #im loving myself again. im laughing and connecting and god im so excited for what comes next #june 19th lana..... you are my soulmate my rock my queen you are everything to me #bc june 19th lana had the strength to leave #june 19th lana swept me off my fucking feet and she fought and yelled and stayed up for 4 days straight #so that 4 days later i could be free again <3 #i will work so fucking hard for june 19th lana.... i never want her to have any regrets... any whatifs.... #im going to give june 19th lana the life she hopes shes fighting for #those four days were torture... moving... yelling... crying crying crying... more moving... driving... #she did that... for me.... #literally she talked to me often... she would sit amongst the boxes and fear and heartbreak and shed talk to her future self #which ig is me <3 and shed tell me how she loved me and how i better not screw this up and she begged me to love her again #god i love her again. i love that mess of a girl. beautiful and strong and terrible! and she got out despite the torture. #june 19th lana. also june 20th 21st and 22nd lana. i hear you. you will have such a beautiful wonderful life i swear #one you will never ever second guess #he fucking killed us! he killed you! the connection the devotion the love it masked the insidious truth that you had to die for that shit #the life he could give you...its pathetic compared to what im gonna give you. #and unlike every promise he ever made... i never go back on my word :) #ok bye

[sysig]

I like him a normal amount (lying) (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #Max Vyer #Dexter Favin #Was I about to type ''Helix Mainfic'' in reference to these wh - I mean Technically but??? #Anyway lol #Couple'a random Max's to start <3 Love him #So some of these were made with my .5 and some with my .3 - can you guess which ones? :3 #The first one and the last two (and of me lol) were my .5 - the inner three are .3 ♪ #You know it's gotten bad when it's not even an Idea necessarily just Want To Draw Pretty - I'm familiar with that pft #He's pretty tho! Love Max ♥ #Man if Max's snap had come in the form of Fight rather than Flight - he's a twig but I doubt Anyone would've come out of that unscathed #Anger can make a monster out of almost anybody haha #Pretty boy ♥ My .3 is so fun for soft detailing! And Max is pretty much all soft details lol #Cryings ah </3 Dexter's mention of Max's emotions in his meetup with ZEX got me thinking! #Sadness really does trend low on the emotions he's willing to express in company - even when Dex has seen him cry before - like here #It was out of anger so much more than sadness - no wonder he was spooked by ZEX's sudden grief! Max is fairly private with sadness #Or at least he turns it into anger if he's backed into a corner - drinking by himself and making things harder for everyone else haha #And finally his and Dex's difference in the retelling of the story!! Hehe ♪♫ #Since I first read Helix I've been under the impression that what Max told Katherine was - well - how he described it lol #A kind of self-deprecating joke at his own expense - thus his confusion at her reaction of seeming hurt #But that's not what he said at all! That's not even close to how he told it!! Hahaha ♪ Biased narration <3 #I even got a second opinion and we shared the same interpretation so it wasn't just a matter of failing to pick up his meaning hehehe Max! #He's so rude ♥ Terrible man ♪ He's the worst <3

[arbitrarystrawberry]

.

#my brother is one of the best people ever #he's funny and creative and smart and sensitive and thoughtful and generous #and I love him so FRICKIN much #and people being mean to him makes me want to PUNCH THINGS #the frickin bus monitor for the bus he drives made him cry yesterday #she's such a MISERABLE HUSK of a woman #and I hate how she treats him #and I know he's capable of a lot more than I sometimes think #I know he's a grown adult and he can handle himself #but GAH this fricking WOMAN #he tried to do the right thing he tried to be a mature responsible person and talk to her directly but she was just MEAN #I'm just glad that he didn't get to say everything he'd been planning to (even though he was upset about that) #bc he'd been planning to tell her that he's autistic #I guess to try and help her understand where he's coming from #(also related to the fact that he drives a special needs bus and one time a few weeks ago she screamed at one of the kids) #(which obviously made my brother uncomfortable) #(but he was scared to say anything bc he said 'if she has no problem yelling at an autistic 5-year-old #she'd probably have no problem yelling at an autistic adult') #but yeah I can't see her being respectful about it if she knew he's on the spectrum #would probably try to use it against him since she's already been complaining about him to their boss #(which is why my brother finally tried talking to her yesterday) #(bc he's acting like an ADULT and trying to discuss with her directly instead of going behind her back like she's doing) #and gaaaaahhh I just HATE this for him #can't vent about this on the discord since we're both in there and I don't want him to know just how upset I am about this #I know he worries sometimes about burdening people #but he's just so GOOD and wonderful and I HATE that there are people who don't see that #I hate it I hate it I hate it #this fricking woman #personal

[nazumichi]

tear in favorite jacket moment haha i’m losing control of it all

#raii talks a lot #last part isn’t true apart from the D+ grade in apgov but the first part is and i almost started crying in class #there’s just?? a hole in the sleeve??? where?? did it come from??? not the arm hole either no a New One #and then my professor made my existence soooo even more painful embarrassing painful #“raii could you call your boyfriend and tell him to come over when he can” and yeah sure i GUESS i can….. #i do not control the speed at which said individual arrives. different friend told me to “go get him” when he left the table and why me… #why do people think i just keep this guy on a leash or something that’s so embarrassing don’t make me haul him back over. you can’t. #and then my prof took a picture of the three of us and i withered a little. slightly #very aware it’s just friendly teasing but i’m new to. friends. stares at you with big brown eyes

[emypony]

.

#damn babygirl i wish people checked up on me more #this self conscious catgirl is so tired #sometimes i WISH people just came into my dms to ask me if im ok #i do it constantly to others because i hope theyre not as sad as i am feeling in that moment #genuinely afraid to have made someone feel bad and drive them away from me #and omg i feel nyself running thin again just bc im afraid to lose the interactions we have altogether because i cant process certain media #in a healthy way whatsoever and i get super hung up on thinfs that really dont matter that much in the end #YEAH IM RAMBLING IT'S 5:30 AM AND I COULD BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW BUT INSTEAD IM JUST CRYING FOR A STUPID REASON!! #i think ive only had one person check up on me based off the vibes in chat i gave off alone in the past couple of months #which was baffling and surreal btw and i think it broke something within me #it came from someone i wouldve never expected to even notice because sometimes it feels like its such a vast difference between us #i sometimes even wonder how are we friends in the first place #like do i even deserve to call this person my friend do they feel like that? or are we just discord acquaintances? #anyway all this just made me sad and my dumb ass is crying and yearning to be loved by my online peers thats all lol. meows pathetically #idk i guess i just.want to hear / see it more rather than just teying to tell myself that over and over hoping im not deluding myself abt i #personal #sorry for the emotions dump idk whats wrong with me tonight actually #me having to come to terms with the reality that i actually have a following and this might get boticed by more than 2 ppl #bc not everyone follows 3k blogs like i am :skull emoji: yknow #im probably gonna delete later because im actually a super self conscious person to the point i get nauseatingly anxious about it holy shit #i dont vent often and im 120% keeping it in but when i do oh boy #the dam bursts and im left like a sopping wet dog on the floor looking like a sad blob #which i am feeling like right now! #vent #emy rambles #ALSO LIKE THIS ISNT TO SAY IM NOT GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS OMG I AM #k really am #sometimes its still like. idk. unbelievable to me that people are genuinely interacting with me and the things i write or headcanon #and i shouldn't expect them to know whats wrong with me or if i feel bad if i dont say it or communicate that to them #but yknow one can yearn

[semercury]

Every time I have an awkward interaction I want to die.

#stuff sarah says #and every time we kiss i swear i could fly #jokes aside i really hate it #like can i not be in agony every time something is a little awkward? #all it was was me saying it was time for me to leave and waiting for an affirmative so i knew it was okay #like its not the end of the world but i feel like i can see it from here #anyway when i was like 13 i started hanging out with the friend group i was with through high school #bc one of the girls (the leader in the way friend groups often have them?) asked me to a sleepover bc she felt sorry for me #and she later like literally told me that #and idk ive been thinking about that a lot lately bc of the music ive been listening to bc im listening to it for the first time #but they all really liked the band back then and were pretty adamant that i wouldnt and idk it made me feel like i didn't belong #which like i guess i didnt in a way? and i never really belonged anywhere #but anyway like. can you really blame me for being afraid of social interaction and always thinking people will hate me #when most of my formative years were spent with people who either wanted to take advantage of me and thats why they liked me #or with people who felt sorry for me. i remember another friend group. this one more in elementary school. likr late. 6th grade. #saying i was like a lost puppy and that comparison still hurts so bad to this day #so just like i dont get what people would ever like about me so i have to act perfect to make up for it bc apparently im pretty undesirable #and this isnt me asking for compliments in fact please dont bc ill feel bad about it #i just like. please understand i am still unlearning a lot of this and some days are easier #and rn im emotional and want to cry or scratch my face off bc i felt awkward at work and i just have to live like this #sorry im weird in friendships. i mostly assume people dont actually want me around #bc the alternative is that they want to hurt me and at least tolerating me out of pity is neutral? #fuck idk

[mxdotpng]

im STILL angry. its almost been an entire day and im STILL ANGRY

#.text #i hate doctors. i hate my stupid fucked up body and i hate the american healthcare system #40 fucking dollar co pay just for my doctor to go well ur symptoms dont add up. go exercise and DIET #EXERCISING IS THE PROBLEM. YOU FUCKING PIECE OF. #haha.😁 #normal. im normal. #i did not. like. i cannot emphasize enough i made sure she knew my legs. hurt. #she even asked me the pain scale thing and i specifically told her yes my average day to day pain is between a 4 and 6. #and that on the worse days its 8 or worse. #and she. fucking. told me. #to exercise. #like. hello? for fucking real? thats what youre going to tell me to do? get hit by a car. #god. im so angry. im so ANGRY #my mom is mad at me for the way i reacted. #which. yes. i couldve been nicer. but i HAD to get out of that office like i was so angry i started crying inside the doctors room #when i was still sitting with her. i was so angry. like i cannot explain enough. #i hate how i react to anger. seriously. why do i start crying when im angry whats the fucking point. #i guess me crying the entire 30 minute drive home and basically ripping my shoes off so i could Depression Nap #was enough for her to not say anything more than call me a brat. which is fine i dont care. say what you want mom #YOURE not the one being called a liar by a doctor thats supposed to fucking help me #my parents didnt even care when i told them my blood test results.... youd think that if your 19 year old daughter #had severe chronic pain affecting the way she walks. told you she had an autoimmune disease. there'd be more of a response then #'okay' #sigh. whatever #i dont need to be angry i should do literally anytjing else #like. ummm #well if it was comfortable to sit at my desk go into a haze for the next 48 hours and do nothing but draw. but alas

[tardis--dreams]

11:45pm, sitting here with my ridiculously large tomato-mozarrella sandwich and crying to bad and crazy. I love life.

#I have to write through the night thanks to my immaculate time management skills #but i haven't eaten a lot throughout the day and I figured it would be sensible to eat something even if it's technically night #since i will be staying up for a While (probably until tomorrow night tbh ahaha) #so i took a break from 'working' and continued the rewatch and that one scene in ep 4 again made me ugly cry #which feels ridiculous when you're eating tbh #aw man #I'm too emotionally attached to this show #I'm not even kidding this is on one level with tdj and beyond evil #(well. #beyond evil is kinda unbeatable. but still it's definitely one of my absolute favorite shows now. so I'm very happy i watched this in the #first place because i wasn't sure if I'd like it and almost didn't give it a try) #sorry for rambling #i will continue working now i guess #only have 3000 words left #i can't believe I'm not even feeling stressed after procrastinating this for 4 weeks and now having to write the entire thing in one night #something really is fundamentally wrong with my brain #(or maybe i just got more chill about doing a bad job. i guess i realized it doesn't really matter anyway so why stress about it #bullshitting is fine when it doesn't affect anyone or anything but you. and i would not benefit from doing well anyway so what's the point #yeah good grades are nice but in my position ultimately meaningless since I'm not gonna get a job anyway and also won't stay in academia #for much longer. so whatever. just do whatever ahahaha) #shut up amy

[mntcoronet]

"you have general anxiety, you are deficient in several things, and you may also have autism" local doctor states to me. referral for assessment and cognitive ball therapy pending, however

#maggles ramblings #i didn't know which mix of the two 'c b t' acronyms to use so i made my own. no balls will be undergoing therapy in my health plan though #ANYWAY !! due to the anxiety bit she knew i disliked unplanned change. so asked me if my interests were kinda narrow #and I'm like. absolutely. there are specific games n shows i like and that's all my brain knows or cares about at any given time #and she asked how good i am at picking up social cues. and i wasn't sure abt that one but i know ive always been more of a social observer #in primary school especially i was like. 'must watch peer interactions so i can spot any traps that may lead to me being made fun of' #like i didn't get why it happened; i just tried to observe and avoid what i could #and i still feel like i don't always Understand most of my peers. my best friends have always been the ones who also weren't great socially #bc with them there was never any 'secretly judging you/not interested in what ur saying/can tell this conversation isn't natural for u' #kind of vibe. idk it's tough like i feel like i am Some level of good at social interaction but also feel like im just pretending to Get It #and there's just. certain people who match my vibe and won't think im strange or too passionate about the things i like. those r my friends #but yea anyway she said some of it could be the anxiety but it was just! a relief honestly. to know that Maybe there's a reason for #how I've been feeling a lot. for a lot of. life i guess #+ even if it's not that and it Is just All Anxiety; it'd still be a relief knowing precisely how it's impacted my mindset for things #but like also it'd make sense to me if it was both. bc i do indeed get v nervous about not knowing How to Do certain social situations #in new situations i often plan what im gonna say and write notes bc if i don't know what to say or do i get overwhelmed and cry easily #but YEA it was just. cool hearing that I'm not just Completely unfounded in my suspicions about that yknow #afterwards even my dad said he's thought of it as a possiblity for years and I'm like WHY DIDN'T U TELL MEEEE #but anyway. day is being had

[belovebug]

it makes me sad that taking myself out to the cinema or a cafe or to a museum or art gallery feels so impossible >:(

#i guess the cinema would be the easiest to try bc it mainly involves sitting in the dark for two hours #but i am sooo neurotic :< #and i suppose really i just have to push myself to do it despite the horrors #(and like i now go to the gym 3-4 times a week alone which i’m pretty proud of and like it’s fine i can do it) #(but on the other hand that’s helped by the fact i can follow the exact same routine every time which is harder to replicate elsewhere) #i’m just so anxious around like my life getting so much bigger and more serious and different in t-minus one month #and it’s like a light is being thrown on all my deficiencies #esp those related to things that come so easily to lots of other people #i have a three day networking thing when i start my new job in october and it’s like i gotta get more normaler before then #bc i had an away day (essentially a five hour loosely structured meeting) at my internship last month and it gave me an absolutely insane #migraine that lasted two days almost made me throw up and successfully made me cry :)

[sagittariangirl27]

#this was my favorite thing about my exD #I sent this to him #and made him cry #which wasn't usual #he needed D/s the same way #I was too young #naive I guess is more the word #and traumatized #still working through some of that shit #but I'm so much stronger than I was #he wouldn't recognize me #this song basically sums up D/s to me #or how I view my partner #I don't know how to love a little bit #I'm all in #heart on the line every time #I loved him #I don't think I was in love with him #I know what that feels like now #i think you only get one person like that #most probably disagree #but I mean that unconditional love #that is just part of you #twin flame #trigger and grow #it's the whole point of existence #Spotify