#guess cause I still hate myself despite tryin real hard

[hargrove-mayfields]

Billy has to stick up for max a lot because of her autism, at school he walks to her class and their afraid of him because just,,, look at him

warnings for mentions of bullying and ableism.

It isn’t easy to make Maxine Mayfield cry.

At least, Billy had almost never seen her shed a tear in the six years he’d known her but maybe two times: once when she was still little, and just learned her step-family was going to move into her house and replace her real dad forever, and once when she was told they would be leaving California. Both times she’d run off to her room and slammed the door before anyone could see, but Billy had noticed. He always did when it came to Max. Had to when he knew damn well how much trouble he’d be in if things went wrong while he was watching her.

Beyond that there were a few teary eyed looks that got wiped away, maybe a sniffle she’d try to cover up by complaining about her allergies, but it was very rare, even during meltdowns, that she’d be full on crying, tears streaming down her face so quickly she couldn’t wipe them away while sobs wrack through her and make her shake.

So Billy knows first thing that something is very, very wrong when she’s already at his car after school, her face buried in her balled up jacket and doing exactly that. He can hear her from outside the car, so he sighs and knocks on the window before he yanks the door open, but Max doesn’t even flinch, just curls up tighter in the passenger seat and ignores him.

That’s a bad sign too, the fact she isn’t even trying to hide it from him, “What’s a’matter Maxi?”

“None of your business.” She snaps at him, voice thick and wet with tears. It’s unfamiliar seeing her like that and it makes Billy feel tense ang guilt even though he didn’t do it this time, so he tries, “Come on. It totally is my business. You get tears on my leather seats n’the salt’ll stain ‘em up, and you’ll be the one to clean it up.”

All it gets from Max is another heavy sob, instantly hitting him with a pang of regret for trying to be light about this, “Shit. M’sorry, Maxi. Didn’t mean it like that. Just tryin’ ta make you smile.”

“Well it didn’t work!” Max sniffles, throwing her jacket on the dash and finally turning to look at Billy, face flushed red and tracked with tears, her bottom lip still wobbling, “I’ll never ever smile again..”

“Why not? I know it’s not just because of your dumbass brother.” Billy sees a twitch at the corner of her lip, the slightest hint of a smile at him insulting himself, and he counts that as a small win, a sign he’s getting at least a little bit through to Max, so he prompts her again, “What happened at school today, Max?”

Her gaze drops to her lap, and she shrugs her shoulders slightly, stiffly, as she mumbles an explanation, “Remember how I told you about that boy, who's mean to me and my friends?”

“‘Course I do. I never forget anythin’ you tell me.”

Max wipes her nose on her sleeve, and corrects him, “Except for when you forgot I told you I had AV club and you came in the school looking for me and then you got stuck talking to a teacher for like, three hours after I was done.”

“Yeah, well that was one time. N’I was already havin’ a bad day when you told me, thank you very much.” He encourages her, his face serious though their tone is light-hearted, “Keep goin’, what’d this kid do now?”

Again Max’s features close off, and she tries to lie, “He was just.. Well it was my fault.. I-I don’t know.”

“Max. I need the truth.”

Talking fast, like she’s fighting against her thoughts, she makes him promise, “Promise me you won’t do anything dumb, first.”

Billy lifts a hand from the steering wheel, “I won’t. Cross my heart, Maxi.”

At this point, in the silence that builds while Max wills herself to speak, Billy starts to drive, since it’s clear he won’t be going back into that school. It isn’t lost on him the way Max takes a deep breath, out of relief that he meant it when he said he wasn’t going to be dumb and march back in there.

Quickly, once she’s ready, she explains, “Okay. Well he kinda sort of told me that I was annoying ‘cause I laugh too much, and I told him it was just a stim n’that I couldn’t help it but he said that made me a baby and I told him I wasn’t and he called me a retard instead and I was already stressed so I started crying like a dumb baby and he laughed at me and none of my friends said anything or helped me and I just.. yeah.”

All Billy can do is raise his eyebrows, has about a hundred and one pissy and angry things he could say, but he doesn’t utter a word, because he doesn’t want to make Max more upset than she already is.

Clearly just the change in his expression spooks her though, because she insists, sounding like she could cry again at any second, “You promised me!”

He puts his hands up sort of defensively, though he has to grab the wheel again when the car veers, swallowing his anger to tell her calmly, “I didn’t even say anything. I promised I’d be nice and I’m gonna keep that promise.”

She nods hesitantly, more to show trust than agreement, so Billy continues, “But Maxi that’s.. bad. Why don’t you tell a teacher or some shit?”

“Yeah, like they would even do anything. They already hate me for being in their coed classes.” Max mumbles the last part, looking away, “They’d probably rather Troy beat me up so I wouldn’t be bothering them anymore.”

“Tell me you’re being dramatic.”

But Max just shrugs again.

“Fuck, I hate this fucking place.” Billy tears his eyes from the road to look Max in the eyes as she says it, even knowing she can’t return the gesture, “You know you don’t deserve to go through this shit, Maxi?”

“It.. is kinda my fault though.”

He lashes out, just a little, hearing her talk like that about herself. Because it’s not fair that a thirteen year old girl looks at herself that way, yeah, but also because he knows it’s in some ways his fault too, and their parents for the way she’d been brought up, and the shit she'd been around that she even thinks to say shit like that.

He hits the palm of his hand against the rim of his steering wheel, rather he goes to before he catches himself, slowing it before it really hits, tapping it more than anything, “No the fuck it isn’t. It’s nobody’s fault but the assholes that make it into a problem. And fucking Neil’s for dragging us to this close-minded little spot on the map. I hate this fucking town”

“Oh.” Is all Max says.

Billy waits, but he can see she doesn’t know what else to say, so he sighs, “Look, I made my promise to you. Can you make one for me now?”

Max looks confused, “Okay?”

“Promise me that the next time somebody says some shit to you, you stand up for yourself.” Max scrunches up her face, like she immediately disagrees with that, but Billy insists, “Look, I don’t care if you’re crying like a damn baby or you can’t even talk while you do it, just don’t let ‘em walk all over you like that again.”

“I’m not fighting anyone, Billy. I’m not.. like you.”

“That’s not what I said. I said to stand up for yourself. It’s different.”

“Yeah right. How am I supposed to do that?” Billy knows that some asshole had to have said that to Max, that for whatever bullshit reason she couldn’t stick up for herself. Damn kid can’t catch a break in life, so he tells her, at this point not sure if this is even advice or just him ranting at Max, “This kid calls you a slur again, tell ‘im at least you got the diagnosis. Make him feel like he’s the stupid one. And if a teacher ever pulls some shit about the way you learn, tell ‘em you’ll go to the board of education and personally get their asses fired. Your mom would fight for you.”

“No she wouldn’t.”

“Then dammit I would. Your friends would if they understood. I know Sinclair would kick ass for you.”

Max’s toughness finally cracks- she learned that from him, to put on that hard exterior and fake it- Billy's determination stronger than her stubbornness. She looks up at him with a look in her eye that says he’s said all the right things, “You really think so?”

“No shit. Big brothers know all about this kind of bull.”

“I guess.” Max smiles just a little, and tells him matter-of-factly, “But you’re not that kind of big brother. You’re too cool.”

“Hell yeah I am.” Billy hums proudly, adding with humor in his tone, “But it’s even more cool to be nice to your little sister than it is to be an asshole. Remember that one.”

Max nods, listing it off on her fingers, “Stand up for myself, but don’t be an asshole, and Billy's secretly a big softie. I think I got it.”

“Good. Now out of my car, shitbird.”

Giggling in that way that says she knows she got him, Max swings open her door and runs into the house, leaving Billy to watch after her. He turns off the car but doesn’t get out, trying to bury his worry for her under his expression, not because he didn’t care, or even because he didn’t want her to know, he was long past that, but because he was worried what would happen if Susan saw his concern.

She’d weasel the truth out of Max if she knew something was up, and somehow, despite her promises, Neil would find out once he dragged his ass back home from the bar later tonight, and then it would somehow be Billy’s fault. He just hopes, if Max lets slip about the bullying, she at least doesn’t get too mouthy and mention the part where she was crying.

That was a Friday when that all went down, so Billy has the weekend, which thankfully does not include any snitching, to decide what he’s going to do about it. It’s not like he was ever going to go beat up on any tweens anyways, but he promised Max he wouldn’t be dumb, and he knew that meant no passive aggressive bullshit either. At least not while she could see him.

Because that ruled out like, half of his options, he’s still kind of clueless on what he’s going to do that next Monday morning when schools back in. He’s sitting in the middle school parking lot, fingers twitching against the steering wheel without a cigarette to busy them with, waiting for 7:30 on the dot when Max always goes in.

At this point, he’s considering just ditching with her to go get ice cream or something so she doesn’t have to face any bullies today, but his epiphany comes in the form of watching Jonathan Byers walk the littler one all the way to the front doors, his hand protectively hooked through the handle on the kid’s backpack. When the clock ticks the right time and Max opens her door, he knows what he’s going to do, and he turns the car off.

She freezes, can tell he’s up to something. “What are you doing?”

“Nothin’. M’just walking you in.” She glares at him in response to the smug smile he wears, so he swears, “Honest. I got basketball today. No way I’m missing that shit ‘cause I fought some little kid.”

“You’re lying.”

“Can’t I just be nice to my little sister?”

From the look on her face, she’s still skeptical, but it's enough to get Max to agree to it, grabbing her bag from the backseat and mumbling, “Whatever. Just don’t embarrass me.”

Billy chuckles, giving Max a head start towards the building before he follows, “Hey now, I thought just yesterday I was your cool older brother.”

“Cool older brothers don’t walk their sisters to the door.” She calls it over her shoulder, and Billy can’t help but tease her more, correcting her in a sing-songy voice, “Who said I was stoppin’ at the door? I’m walking you all the way to your class.”

“Oh god.” Max stops walking, but Billy keeps up, this time pulling ahead enough to call back to her, “Come on shitbird. Don’t wanna be late.”

“I hate you so much.”

“Yeah, right. You love that I would take the time outta my morning to do this for you.” He props open the door for Max with his boot, pretending not to notice the way all the little middle school kids at their lockers turn to gawk at them, letting her shove past him with her face flushed deeper than the color of her hair in embarrassment.

Pulling on her backpack straps, like she’s trying to physically make herself smaller, she mumbles, “No, I actually hate you.”

He almost feels bad for embarrassing her, but that’s the other part of his job, and he reminds her of that, “Good. There’s some more advice for ya, little sisters should always hate their big brothers, or he’s doing something wrong.”

They get a little ways down the hall, Max’s confidence going up just some as the shock wears off and people start to turn away, but Billy hardly notices. He doesn’t even come close to being bothered by eighth grade politics anymore, and if he’s intimidating the poor kids, well that’s exactly what he’s there for.

When he’s met with a particularly harsh glare from some snob nosed brat, who happens to remind him a lot of one Tommy Hagan, he bumps into Max on purpose, and announces louder than he needs to in hopes the kid’ll know he was looking for him, “That the little asshole s’been givin’ you trouble?”

Glancing nervously between him and Billy, she nods, “Yeah..”

Billy just nods, a cross between acknowledgment and judgement, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You said-“ Again Max panics, but Billy cuts her off this time with a simple assurance of, “And I didn’t do anything.”

Her eyebrows knit together, realizing that that wasn’t a lie, “I.. guess you didn’t.”

“What’s your first class anyways?”

“We report to the cafeteria before first period.” She informs him, leading him that way, but he hooks two fingers through the strap on her bag to stop her, “Not gonna happen, Maxi. Being shoved in a tiny room with three hundred other kids makes you feel all ‘meltdowny’ I think was your exact word. So you’re not doin’ that anymore. I just decided.”

“But that’s against the rules.”

“Yeah, so’s me bein’ in this building during school hours, but nobody’s saying shit to me, are they?”

Max narrows her eyes at him then, and he knows he said too much, that he’s been found out, “That’s your plan isn’t it.”

There’s a crooked smile on his face he can’t hide as he plays innocent-like, “What is?”

Max pushes him a little and he pretends to misstep while she accuses him, “Coming into school and being all intimidating so nobody will bug me anymore.”

“Pfft, yeah right.” Billy denies again, getting nothing but an eye roll in response at first, but when it’s clear it’s he’s not going to give up and admit it, Max does, glancing shortly over at him, “Well thanks anyways, Billy.”

She adds, realizing he’s wandering with no idea where they’re going, having never been in the middle school himself, “My first class is in B-18.”

“Which one is’at?” He asks, just curious, but Max deflects the question, giving a short, “It’s taught by Mr. Clarke.”

Just from how quiet she is, Billy can tell that she's hiding something, “Max. You seriously don’t even know what class you’re in?”

“No I don’t, okay?” Max stops in the middle of the hallway, ranting at her brother, “It’s already not the same as my old school, and then they moved my schedule all around again after they decided I didn’t qualify for special ed, so now I just go where I’m s’posed to, and I know my teachers better than my classes.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

“No. There’s nothing anyone can do so it doesn’t matter.” Her tone implies she thought a lot about it, maybe even wanted to, but decided not to.

Billy insists right back, these past two days feeling like he’s constantly petitioning for Max to trust and rely on him, “Oh I could do somethin’. You know I could.”

“I do. But I don’t want you to. Sticking up for me is enough.”

That’s what makes Billy understand. The firmness in her voice says everything she needs him to hear: Max doesn’t want Billy to do for her what she can handle. This is bigger than just being the older brother. This is her setting boundaries, asking for help without wanting to be controlled. That’s something he never really got how to do, being raised by a dictator and all, but it’s something she needs. Sometimes he forgets that.

He doesn’t say anything else, just lets it sit while Max takes him down some stairs to the right room. She stops outside, scuffing up the dusty marble floors with the toe of her Chuck Taylor’s, “Could you.. stick around for a little bit in case he says something?”

Billy clicks his tongue, remarking, “I dunno. I got a class in a few..”

But his sarcasm falls short with Max, which, that’s his bad for not realizing that it would, and her face falls, “Oh, well I guess I can just-”

“Was just funnin’ you shitbird. I don’t give a fuck about my classes.” Max grimaces in that all too familiar way of uncertainty, so he promises, “I’ll be right out here. Go talk to your teacher, ‘n if he says some shit to you, remember I only promised not be stupid about the bully.”

He at least gets a smile for that one, before Max rolls her eyes, “You’re not fighting my science teacher, dummy.”

“Whatever. Just get in there, brat.”

He can see Max holding back a smile as she listens, bounding into her classroom with another quick glance back at Billy to check that he wasn’t lying and going to walk away.

Billy waits until the door fall closed to lean against the row of lockers opposite it, watching her through the little meshed over windows. By now, he’s pretty well versed on what arguments with angry authority figures look like, and the conversation between Max and her teacher is not one. He still stays though, just because Max asked him to, but maybe, just maybe a little for himself, a reassurance that the second he leaves shit isn’t going to get worse, and Max’ll have at least someone other than her equally as nerdy little friends behind her.

Then they both turn and give him a little wave, Max and her teacher, an acknowledgment to Billy that this new routine was indeed going to work out. The way the school district had handled everything else, he wonders if the guy even knew Max wasn’t like his other students until now.

Still, seeing that, Billy gives a half nod in response, and decides his job is done here, at least until tomorrow when he does the same. Max’ll get used to it, and his hope is that the little bully brats won’t. He’ll just have to keep them on their toes.

Which is exactly why, while on his way out, Billy has to break his promise to Max, just slightly, and do something dumb. He finds the Troy kid again, and waits until the little punk is at his peak to knock him down a few pegs.

He’s complaining about some teacher, which is pretty typical for a thirteen-fourteen year old kid, but the other things he’s said to Max make it not as relatable, not as innocent. So he does what any logical, mature adult would do, and scares the piss out of him.

Billy waits until the kid gets a laugh from his troop of assholes, and slams the locker door beside him shut, uncaring of who’s it was. All eyes are quickly on him, all too wide against too pale faces. It’s too easy.

“What are you little shits whining about over here?”

The one in charge steps forward, trying to be tough despite the way he has to practically bend backwards to look up at Billy’s face, “None of your business. Did the freak send you after us to scare us? It ain’t gonna work.”

“Oh I’m not here to scare you. I’m just here to give you your final warning. We’re past the point of intimidation. Matter of fact, next time I have to come here.. it won’t be looking so good for you.”

“You’re lying.” The kid accuses, despite the obvious doubt written behind his features.

Billy can work with that.

“I might be. But I’m still an authority figure over your sorry little asses, and if you don’t start respecting that..” He bends down a little further, still nowhere near the kid but making his whole troupe flinche back, and drops his pitch, “well, I can’t promise what’ll happen to ya, but unlike your teachers, I don’t play by the rules. You got that?”

Straightening himself back out, Billy pretends to start walking away before he adds, “Oh, and if you pick on my kid sister ever again, I will know. Just remember that, uh, Troy was it?”

The kid nods dumbly, literally vibrating with something like fear, and Billy can say he’s pretty satisfied with that. He pats the kid on the shoulder, a touch so gentle it wouldn’t’ve hurt a fly, and notably couldn’t get him in any trouble, but the little shit scampers off, three other puffy head bullies trailing after him.

Everyone sees it happen, Billy with his nasty smirk and his distinguishably high-schooler way of carrying himself, Troy running for the hills in the other direction. He leaves feeling like his point has been thoroughly proven.

It isn’t easy to make Maxine Mayfield cry, but it’s even harder to get away with it, and Billy knows it won’t be a problem from now on.

#billy & max #billy hargrove #max mayfield #autistic max #tw r slur #tw ableism mention #tw bullying mention #ej writer #story by ej! #anon my beloved #you so read my mind with this #I had half a fic written out like this for ages and then this ask popped up (a while ago. I’m sorry I’ve been so slow at requests) #so have this little projection fest my beloved anon #i mighta went a little crazy with this #<3 <3 <3 #thank you for sending me this! I love requests!

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Do-S Kyuuketsu VERSUS Ⅲ Vol.5 Shuu VS Yuma [Track 2]

Original title: 在りし日の証

Source: Diabolik Lovers VERSUS III Vol. 5 Shuu VS Yuma [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Toriumi Kousuke & Tatsuhisa Suzuki

Translator’s note: Sly Yuma is the best kind of Yuma. I honestly really love the tension between him and Shuu. They have such a cute past together and a lot of potential to still be good friends despite their vastly different personalities. I feel like they would get a lot out of the friendship though. Yuma could get Shuu to stop sitting on his butt all day while Shuu could teach Yuma a thing or two about thinking before acting, haha.

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 ll Track 6

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 2: Marks of the Past

The two of you are walking through the forest.

Shuu: ...I’m pretty sure that once we make it past here...Mmh. Seems like I wasn’t wrong.

*Rustle*

Shuu: This tree is still here, huh? ...If I recall correctly there’s an escape route by the root...

*Rustle*

Shuu: Yeah...It should still be useable. ーー Oi, don’t stand there spacing out. Get over here already. Do you want to be left behind in a forest full of monsters?

You ask Shuu if they are going the right way.

Shuu: Haah...? Are you making fun of me? This is Vampire territory. In what world would I get lost?

The two of you continue walking.

*Drip drip drip*

Shuu: ...This place hasn’t changed at all.

You ask if he has been here before.

Shuu: I used to play here as a child, that’s all. ...!

Shuu suddenly comes to a halt.

Shuu: These doodles...

You look at them in confusion.

Shuu: It’s written in this world’s language. I guess you can’t read it, huh?

You ask what it says.

Shuu: I’m pretty sure that back then, he also...

You tilt your head to the side.

Shuu: It’s nothing. More importantly, let’s hurry aーー

He flinches, sensing a presence nearby.

Shuu: Oi, you! Come here!

*Rustle*

Shuu: Shh...! Somebody’s coming!

Approaching footsteps can be heard.

Shuu: ...!! Mukami...Yuma?

Yuma: ...!?

Shuu: What are you doing here...?

Yuma: That’s what I’d like to know! Don’t give me a fuckin’ heart attack!

Shuu: ...Let’s go.

Yuma: Wait!

Yuma grabs hold of his wrist.

Shuu: Don’t touch me!

Yuma: Don’t try and run.

Shuu: I’m not running.

Yuma: Heeh? Then while we’re here together anyway, why don’t we take a lil’ trip down memory lane, huh? ...There happens to be someone here to listen to our stories as well.

Yuma glances over at you.

Shuu: Ridiculous...If that’s what you want to do, suit yourself, but I’m leaving.

Shuu starts walking away.

Yuma: I mean, fine by me. ...But in return, leave this chick behind.

Shuu: ...!?

Yuma: Ya don’t mind, do ya?

Shuu: ...Be my guest.

Yuma: Hah! As to be expected of a lil’ rich kid, you’re quick to understand. Couldn’t be me. ...I mean, in the end, I’m nothin’ but a filthy farm boy. I refuse to let go of what I want, no matter what. ーー Especially when I’m ‘bout to lose it to some aristocrat. Well, I guess that sort of stuff doesn’t matter to Mr. Rich Boy who always has everythin’ go exactly his way.

Shuu: ...Please don’t assume that everything always plays out in my advantage.

Yuma: Hah! Ya tell me.

Shuu: You can only say that...because you don’t about us at all, no?

Yuma: ...Now don’t be mockin’ me. I know ya.

Yuma walks up to Shuu.

Yuma: We were pals in the past ーー Nah, pretty much best buds, no?

He grabs hold of Shuu’s collar.

Yuma: Have ya forgotten ‘bout that already? Doesn’t lookin’ at the words written on this wall bring back any memories?

Shuu: ...!! Don’t tell me...Your memory has...?

Yuma: So it really is true...

Shuu: ...!

Yuma: I’ve only regained fragments of my memories. So I tricked ya into revealin’ the truth.

Shuu: Che...

Yuma: You’ve only got yerself to blame for takin’ the bait. ...Well, I’m sure ya would have much preferred if I never remembered at all. ...I’ve been wantin’ to ask ya this whole time. ‘Bout the fire which broke out in my village that day, for example.

Shuu: ...

You perk up your head.

Yuma: Hehe...You’re curious as well, aren’t ya?

You nod.

Yuma: Come on, tell me. You’ve got somethin’ to tell me, don’t ya? On the day of the fire, what did ya see? What did ya think? We’ve both gathered here, so let’s use the opportunity to get things straight...Shuu.

Shuu: There’s not really...anything I have to tell you.

Yuma: Cut the crap!! ...That side of ya is exactly what pisses me off!! If ya think ya can get away with keepin’ quiet, you’re gravely mistaken! You witnessed the truth with yer very own eyes that day, no!? Then why are ya tryin’ to hide it!?

Shuu: ...Hah. Aren’t you getting the wrong idea here?

*Rustle*

Shuu: I’m not simply remaining silent. I just don’t feel like I need to tell you. Don’t try and act like you know me, when you barely remember anything. It’s annoying...

Yuma: Che...Spare me the bullshit.

You run up to them and try to stop their fight.

Shuu & Yuma: ...!?

Yuma: Oi, don’t butt in.

Yuma: Shut up, keep quiet!

Shuu: Haah...Whatever.

Yuma: Aah!? Hold it! ...You’re fine with this chick bein’ taken away from you!?

Shuu: Go ahead? You’re the one who asked me to leave her behind, remember? Well, one of those ‘rich kids’ you hate so much is being generous enough to lend her to you, so why don’t you happily accept the offering?

Shuu walks away.

Yuma: ...Ugh!

Yuma punches the wall.

*THUD*

Yuma: Fuck...!! I don’t like this one bit...!!

*THUD*

Yuma: Makin’ fun of me like that...! Ugh!

*THUD*

You try and stop Yuma.

Yuma: Don’t stop me! Buzz off...!!

You seem worried about the drawings on the wall being destroyed.

Yuma: The doodles...? Ya really think I give a damn ‘bout what happens to thoー ...Haah...My bad. I lost my temper for a sec there...I guess I’m havin’ trouble bein’ honest with myself as well. ...Altho you wouldn’t say so at present, we were actually reallly close back when we scribbled these.

You ask Yuma what is written on the wall.

Yuma: This was my name when I was still human...and this one’s his. His real name. ...His ‘Vampire name’, in other words, what he is truly called. Don’t ask me ‘bout the details. I can’t read these after all. ...But I’m certain that when we were kids, we both wrote our names on here. Guess ya could say this was like our secret hideout.

You seem surprised.

Yuma: Hard to believe, huh? I don’t remember everythin’, but it’s all too weird to be just some fantasy made up by me. These should be...definite memories of our time spent together.

You ask why the two of them don’t get along at present.

Yuma: We’ve both changed. ...The fire which broke out in my village. And the fact that I became a Vampire. Regardless of my memories being intact or not, the cirumstances are just far too different. I can’t imagine...the two of us will ever get along again. Besides, I don’t think I can ever forgive him for all those years he simply turned a blind eye to everythin’. Right now...He’s nothin’ but a coward runnin’ away from the reality he doesn’t want to accept.

*Rustle*

Yuma: Tsk...Anyway, I don’t know if it’s ‘cause I’ve been reminiscin’ ‘bout the part, but it’s as if my mind is shrouded in a fog, I feel like crap.

You voice your concerns.

Yuma: I’m not that weak, I don’t need ya worryin’ over me. I’m sure I’ll feel better if I just leave this place. ーー Let’s go. I don’t know if it’ll make much difference to ya, but I’m gonna take ya someplace nice.

You seem worried about Shuu.

Yuma: Don’t let it bother ya. He said he doesn’t need ya, remember? ...Come on, follow me.

Yuma grabs hold of your wrist and drags you along.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #shuu sakamaki #yuma mukami #diabolik lovers versus III #diabolik lovers translation #diabolik lovers drama cd #drama cd

[auncyen]

Ok ok so I'd been idly thinking about updating "Chats with Joker in Mementos" for Royal for a while, except as far as I know there aren't any transcriptions for the Royal Mementos chats like there is for Vanilla...

So...after some questionable use of my time, I now have a list of a good chunk of the starters in Royal. Only starters, not responses, since the point of the fic is having Joker be the one to respond, and I didn't transcribe ones I didn't think would be interesting for him to respond to, but still, if anyone does ever look to do a complete transcription, this might be helpful as a start? Or just interesting if you want to see what some characters talk about. Spoilers for third semester below cut.

Ryuji: Man, we really bust our asses to get stronger in here. I wish it meant we got stronger in the real world too.

Ryuji: Man, I had this horrible dream last night… Can’t remember a thing about it, though.

Ryuji: Ya know what? I guess Mona does have a mask, technically.

Ryuji: Yo, the way he jumps behind Shadows is so sick!

Ryuji: Yo, is it just me, or is fallin’ asleep getting tougher every night? At this point, I’m outta ideas of what to do.

Ryuji: Kinda fiendin’ for some ramen right about now… Maybe I’ll hit up Ogikubo when we get back.

RyujI: So lately, I’ve been tryin’ to work some training into my nightly routine before bed.

Ryuji: Hey, is it just me, or is Morgana’s sword basically the same size as Joker’s knife?

Ryuji: My mom made gyudon last night! My fave! Now I’ve got, like, fifty times more energy than usual!

Ryuji: This phantom thief stuff feels real as hell whenever he’s flyin’ around with that grappling hook.

Ryuji: Dude, that grappling hook is awesome! He looks like a freakin’ superhero with that thing!

Ryuji: Aww man, I just can’t get enough of those Akihabara maids…

Ryuji: Aren’t knives kinda hard to use ‘cause of their shortness? I definitely prefer my own shit.

Ryuji: I always thought darts looked easy—just aim for the board, y’know? But, it’s waaay harder than that.

Ryuji: Every try the monja in Tsukishima? That stuff is LEGIT.

Ryuji: Yo, does this outfit really make me look like I’m part of some biker gang?

-

Morgana: Listen, it’s not that I look like a cat. Cats just happen to look like me.

Morgana: I repeat: I am not a cat. To prove it, I took an actual bath yesterday.

Morgana: So, cats love to chase mice, right? I don’t get it—where’s the fun in that?

Morgana: I’m always so entranced by Panther’s whip technique!

Morgana: Panther, we have matching tails!

Morgana: You know, I’ve never actually been in a car before. Is it anything like I am now?

Morgana: I definitely made the right decision giving him the code name “Joker.”

Morgana: I’m willing to bet Joker’s skilled enough to use throwing knives.

Morgana: Anime, books, movies… Phantom thieves sure are popular.

Morgana: Last night I dreamt that Phantom Thieves were kicking some serious butt—let’s bring that dream to life!

Morgana: I can teach you everything you need to know about being a phantom thief. Relax—you’re in good hands!

Morgana: *yawn* I didn’t get enough sleep…

Morgana: I couldn’t fall asleep at all last night. I just laid there with my eyes open…

Morgana: I like Yongen-Jaya; it’s a great place for a stroll.

Morgana: Is Shujin Academy the only thing in Aoyama?

Morgana: I was vegetating in front of the TV last night, and I have to say, there are some pretty decent shows on now.

-

Ann: The bakery had a sale yesterday and I ended up buying everything they had!

Ann: The Ferris wheel is a must for me at theme parks, every time. I love being able to just relax.

Ann: I have an upcoming shoot at a theme park, but what sucks is how I can’t go on any of the rides.

Ann: Last night I dreamt I was eating a chocolate bar, then all of a sudden, it got mad and started chasing me!

Ann: Every once in a while I have a dream where I get chased by a Shadow…

Ann: I’ve been sleeping really well since I started getting all this exercise.

Ann: I was up late watching TV last night, so I might be a little sleep deprived…

Ann: I tend to do my clothes shopping in Kichijoji—it’s fun looking through all the resale shops.

Ann: I hate when people ask me to say stuff in English just ‘cause I lived overseas.

Ann: It always bothers me when foreign movie subtitles leave stuff out or take too many liberties.

Ann: I was talking to my overseas friend the other day—her straightforward attitude was really refreshing!

Ann: I was talking to Shiho on the phone and before I knew it, three whole hours had passed!

Ann: Joker seems like he’d make a good cook, doesn’t he? I mean, he’s great with his knife and all…

Ann: It’s actually quite exhilarating to attack with a whip. I wonder why that is…

Ann: Whenever my foreign relatives come to Japan, they always rave about how much they love Japanese food!

Ann: Do you think there’s anything I can do about my outfit? I feel like I stand out too much in this…

Ann: Is there a difference between a whip and a grappling hook?

Ann: Ya know, Skull’s always been into skull designs and stuff.

Ann: Wouldn’t a grappling hook be awfully handy in the real world?

-

Yusuke: I wish to paint the world as only I see it. The best way to succeed at this is through practice.

Yusuke: It’s fun to walk around and inspect different temples and shrines. The architecture is always impressive.

Yusuke: If Shadows are sentient, do you think their being moved by a painting would invoke a change of heart?

Yusuke: There have been times where I was compelled to create three-dimensional art.

Yusuke: I’m quite curious about Mona’s Western-style sword…

Yusuke: I hear whips are quite difficult to use. Where did you learn how to wield one?

Yusuke: Joker using a grappling hook…. That would make for a picture-perfect composition.

Yusuke: Mona, what exactly do you have in those pouches?

Yusuke: Creating a piece of art is pointless unless I can convey the full essence of the subject.

Yusuke: Art museums stimulate my creativity like no other place—I wish I could live inside one.

Yusuke: Skull and I both use long melee weapons, but they’re total opposites of one another.

Yusuke: Why does my outfit have a tail? I don’t understand…

Yusuke: I considered growing my own bean sprouts, but it seems to be more expensive than buying them grown.

Yusuke: I once had a dream that I washed up on a deserted island. I painted as much as I pleased… So wonderful.

Yusuke: I may specialize in Japanese-style painting, but I’d like to learn some Western techniques as well.

Yusuke: That grappling hook is very useful. I should find a way to utilize one in my daily life.

Yusuke: The other day, I went into the mountains to gather vegetables so I could cut back on food expenses.

Yusuke: I tried to paint a landscape of the starry sky once, but it’s quite difficult to do so from within the city.

Yusuke: India ink isn’t my specialty, but I’ve been experimenting with it in some recent work, just for fun.

-

Makoto: I may have stopped being a doormat for adults, but people are still calling me a “teacher’s pet.”

Makoto: A phantom thief’s body is their most vital asset. We need to make sure we eat balanced, nutritious meals.

Makoto: Do you enjoy visiting theme parks? I’ve rarely been to one myself.

Makoto: Fox looks cooler using his katana than I had originally imagined.

Makoto: I had the weirdest dream… I was at school, but I was wearing my phantom thief outfit.

Makoto: Would anyone care to learn how to drive, while we’re here? This place seems as good as any for practice.

Makoto: I know it’s not very healthy, but I do enjoy eating ramen from time to time.

Makoto: Once I’ve graduated, I’m going to buy a motorcycle and go on a road trip.

Makoto: I’ve been working on my grades because I still want to attend college, despite being a phantom thief.

Makoto: I want to read a certain book, but it’s out of print. Where do you suppose I could find a copy?

Makoto: Maybe I’m just burned out, but waking up has grown awfully difficult lately.

Makoto: The grappling hook’s cable seems pretty strong, but it’s scary to think what could happen if it snapped.

Makoto: Once my sister brought home some sushi for me. It was indescribably good…

-

Futaba: I heard rhythm’s an important part of fighting, sooo… I started playing a rhythm game!

Futaba: There’s going to be an event tonight in the MMO I play. I can’t wait!

Futaba: This MMO I’m hooked on is really cool. Do you wanna play with me? Oh—it’s in English, though.

Futaba: I’m about to beat the game I’ve been playing. Wonder what I should play next?

Futaba: I’ve been going outside a lot more, so now I’m sleeping way better than I did when I was a shut-in.

Futaba: Guess what? I’m making a game called “Hungry Hungry Mona”!

Futaba: You know who’s a really good driver, is Sojiro. He can parallel park with his eyes closed!

Futaba: If you could shoot grappling hooks from your hands, you’d probably be able to get around just using those!

Futaba: Ya know, I’ve thought about workin’ out and fighting alongside you guys.

Futaba: You guys should try playing shooters! It could help you improve your gun skills.

Futaba: Last night I had a dream my hard drive failed… That was scary.

Futaba: Wouldn’t it be cool if you could mod the grappling hook so it was electrified?

Futaba: Sure, the internet’s convenient, but it’s not like it can do everything. Don’t overestimate its capabilities.

Futaba: I wonder if I’d be okay going to some place by myself if it wasn’t crowded. Inokashira Park seems nice.

Futaba: Yesterday Sojiro bought me my favorite instant yakisoba!

Futaba: Maybe I should get a gun too, just for self-defense… Nah, my hands need to be empty.

-

Haru: I found this cafe in Kichioji with phenomenal tea—would you care to try it sometime?

Haru: I ordered kusaya but they refused to make it—they said they couldn’t get the smell out of the kitchen.

Haru: I feel like I need to learn more about the world, but I’m not sure how to best go about it.

Haru: Recently, I’ve been finding rare delicacies rather enticing…

Haru: Even lately, I sometimes dream about doing phantom thief things with Mona.

Haru: If you’re having trouble getting yourself to relax, I recommend herbal tea.

Haru: Asakusa is a wonderful area—I love how it’s this blend of the old and the new.

Haru: Ever since I started high school I’ve been taking the train in the morning, but I’m still not used to it…

Haru: Queen, your mask looks like it’s made of iron. Doesn’t it get heavy?

Haru: Joker’s so acrobatic! He’s really got the hang of that grappling hook.

Haru: I don’t think I’ve gotten this much exercise since I was in ballet.

Haru: Let me know if you ever get a tear in your clothing—I’m good at sewing, so I could most likely fix it.

Haru: I dreamt that the vegetables I’d been growing all died… I was so sad.

Haru: Your weapon seems fun, Skull. Do you want to swap sometime?

Haru: Sometimes it’s impossible for me to fall asleep on days that we’ve been to Palaces, no matter how tired I am.

Haru: You know, before this, I’d never considered using an axe for anything other than chopping firewood…

Haru: My hands have gotten all calloused… I supposed it comes with the territory in gardening.

-

Akechi: I have no intention of changing my stance on matters, no matter what anyone may say.

Akechi: Pancakes... I don’t want to hear that word again for a long, long time.

Akechi: We don’t have much time left. Please do what you can to avoid getting sick.

Akechi: The enemies are stronger than ever. Don’t let your guard down.

Akechi: A world that panders to your every whim is so mundane. Where’s the thrill if there’s no competition?

Akechi: Do you prefer my previous outfit or this one? Moving around’s become much easier for me.

Akechi: This place is immense. If there weren’t train tracks everywhere, I’d bring my bike here.

Akechi: We’re working under the constraints of a time limit, so I’d appreciate it if you could be more efficient.

Akechi: If you’re looking for a way to train both your mind and your body, I highly recommend bouldering.

Akechi: You think I’m frightening when I fight? Well, I’m afraid you’re just going to have to accept it.

Akechi: I meant to tell you, regarding Shido… Thank you for keeping your promise.

Akechi: You may not like working with me, but I’m counting on your assistance until our goal is achieved.

Akechi: When we’re riding in the car like this, it’s easy to forget that we’re actually inside Mona.

Akechi: The Shadows here behave differently from the ones in the Palaces, don’t they?

Akechi: I’m getting a bit hungry. I should’ve eaten beforehand.

Akechi: I enjoy spending time in Kichijoji. It’s not very big, but there are plenty of trendy shops.

Akechi: Riding in the car may beat walking, but it doesn’t stop my legs from growing stiff and sore…

-

Sumire: I have a few different superstitions for good luck in my routines… They get sort of hard to drop.

Sumire: It was already hard for me to believe Palaces existed, but to think there’s such a massive one under Shibuya…

Sumire: It’s a bit cramped in here with this many people…

Sumire: I get stiff all over from just sitting in the car.

Sumire: Why is the one desert you get to eat during the week so delicious?

Sumire: A phantom thief outfit represents a person’s image of their rebellion, right?

Sumire: I wonder if I should try incorporating another sport into my gymnastics training.

Sumire: I wonder what I could use as inspiration for my performances…

Sumire: Swords are actually pretty hard to wield.

Sumire: Whenever I travel, I always end up buying some sort of good luck charm.

Sumire: Your outfits are all so unique. I can see coordinating them wasn’t a priority.

Sumire: This time of year, a heating pad’s an absolute must for keeping warm.

Sumire: Sometimes people will just walk up to me and ask me to show them a standing split.

Sumire: I’m in top shape today! Let’s keep going.

Sumire: Do you all stretch beforehand? You could pull a muscle if you don’t.

Sumire: It’s too bad gymnastics competitions aren’t on TV more often.

Sumire: Fighting makes for a pretty good workout, doesn’t it?

-

while I didn't transcribe responses, I did notice something a bit disappointing: neither Sumire nor Akechi seemed to have responses for anyone else. It's possible I missed one?? But not being able to remember any, they must not have many if they do have some. A bit odd.

#persona 5 #p5r #p5r spoilers #to pick from later

[the-mic-drop]

 Shonen Jump Rap Cypher 2 by Rustage

Yeah, despite my disdain for a CERTAIN character in this cypher, I’m doing it.

Lyrics under the cut

Roronoa Zoro- One Piece (Performed by Rustage)

First mate

Shatter like Pica, an earthquake

The body I build with my work rate

These cursed blades are dooming you all to a worst fate

Surprise you like a birthday

I hurt, maim, need first aid

You want the shaft?

Then I guess I’m taking you to third base

One

Beast with my weapons, strength immense like gorillas

Two

Cut down in a second, one man army, guerilla

Three

Scary, no thriller, I’m stronger than imagined

Killed the beat but turn around and be like “nothing happened.”

Vegeta- Dragon Ball Z (Performed by Fabvl)

Uh

You don’t want it with the prince

Put you on your knees,

man there’s levels to this shit

That’s real

bunch of Mr. Satans in this bitch

Kill a petty rapper, bring em back to hold the tip

Call that draggin’ balls

Focused mind, like I’m overdosed on Adderall

Royal blood, turn the greatest into catalogues

They can call me number 2

I create the greatest, tell me, who the fuck are you?

Killua Zoldyck- Hunter x Hunter (Performed by DizzyEight)

Yeah

I’m cut from a different fabric

It’s shocking when you spot him, I was bred for the static

It’s tragic, but it happened

I’m bred to be a savage, y’all yappin’

You think you got heart? Then stare at it.

Know it’s god speed how I move when I smack you

Lose your head if you think I’m the one to talk back to

Assassin how I move, kill you without a trace

Ain’t talking yo-yos when I string rounds to your face

Seto Kaiba- Yu-Gi-Oh! (Performed by Gray Fox)

Rageki with my lyrics and Obelisk in my physics

I’m a monster reborn and I’m here with a vengeance

and then I Jinzo on these bitches ‘cause I don’t fall for these thirst traps

Write it and I spit it, ain’t no need for these rehearsed raps

Blue eyes, three heads, the smirk of a crook

Y’all motherfuckers just toons, ‘cause you go by the book

Pot of Greed, make money til I overdose

I kill my friends just to kill you,

call me King Barbaros

Tobia Kageyama- Haikyuu!! (Performed by Connor Quest)

Smack you down harder than my serve, make my hand sore

Had your turn, now it’s back to me, that’s a chance ball

I hold power, split second, pick an option

The control tower that you call like Houston if you have a problem

Flick of the wrist, they better get hit, I tend to get pissed, if ever they miss

Can’t keep up with me just go be subbed or quit

Orange-Black combo, shorty flies when I let him jump

Kageyama shittin’ on the mic, that’s a setter dump

Rukia Kuchiki- Bleach (Performed by Frivolous Shara)

Freeze!

Who wants to dance with the ice queen?

I go from 100 to absolute 0, ice stream

Is that the scoreboard or temperature?

To the thousand year blood war, I’m here, here’s the finisher

Big things come in small packages

They think that I’m fun-sized

‘til I open this third eye

this Bankai

Banish your soul from society

Leave your body in thirteen divisions for tryin’ me.

Katsuki Bakugo- My Hero Academia (Performed byShofu)

It’s Bakugo

My pressure got the opps on the ropes

Rest in peace to the goat, but I’m popping the smoke

I’m just tryna make a name, ain’t no time to be slow

Villains say they beating me?

Need to stop with the jokes

Since my rival got chosen, I’m not losing focus

Deku got me heated, don’t get caught in the explosion

All I need is power and strength

I got a vision, and I never needed help, I’ma do it myself

Inosuke Hashibira- Demon Slayer (Performed by Shao Dow)

Sugoidaro, ore wa shōbu shōbuda (Incredible, aren’t I? Fight me!)

Chototsumōshin imasuguda (Wild Pig Assault, right now!)

Hashibira Inosuke

Defeat you with crossed blades

The beast in the cosplay

These demons are not safe

Mad lad with no chill, the most skill, I go kill

Mountin’ Oni ‘til they mole hills

I’ll headbutt ya, hold still

I’m so pig headed, I’ll kick ya for no reason

Kedamono no kokyū (Breathing of a beast)

As long as this beast’s breathing

Yuno- Black Clover (Performed by Mega Ran)

You know, that I gotta protect what’s mine

Got the spirit of wind any my relatives by my side

I been raw, got that grimoire

Know I make a match tragic, black magic

Keep you wheezing like an asthmatic

I’ll keep this brief, if it’s beef, you minced meat

Trust me, you don’t wanna see my brother with that fifth leaf

Listen up, power levels never get debuffed

I’m not stoppin, I’m not movin, and I’m never givin up

You know!

Karma Akabane- Assassination Classroom (Performed by Shwabadi)

Red head, rockstar

No redemption deaded with a bowie, call it blackstar

When it comes to felling yellow foes, he is a monster

Pull and shoot in seconds with no questions like a cop car

GRATTATA

That’s red and blue together, feel the murder intent

The BB gun plastic plastering the back of your head

Got screws loose, I’m coocoo, but action’s intense

Only school kid to school you, you’re actually dead

L- Death Note (Performed by Zach Boucher)

Everything I do is calculated

Hide the fear, commandeer

and use my wits to compensate and make it clear if they appear

I’ve got lots of patience waiting, I’ll be here to persevere

and don’t you try to get up near and interfere with my career

I really hate to lose

That won’t be me, I play for keeps

Honestly, fuck the rules

May even cheat ‘cause talk is cheap

They see me as a tool

But I’m the key, you best believe

Get me a sugar cube

Need something sweet for victories

Hiei- Yu Yu Hakusho (Performed by GameBoyJones)

This Jagan make you be gone

Wouldn’t pee on these peons

They’re too weak, couldn’t be pawns

Cut them all down like a neat lawn

I got the steel in hand, meddle with me then you’re finished

‘Cause you ‘bout to get the business like retailers during Christmas

I’ve been in the cut, why you think I’m packing a blade?

I’ll chop your top off like a barber when you catching the fade

All eyes on me, yeah my demon form is dashing

You know I keep that heat, I’ll fire on you with the dragon

Erina Nakiri- Food Wars (Performed by Savvy Hyuga)

Ya meat ain’t a feast, it’s a B-class waste

I’m elite, not a piece, I’m the whole damn cake

Just a cheat, no heat, knowin’ nothin’ ‘bout taste

Take a seat, here’s a treat, and a lesson from an ace

Gotta leave people pleased, your dish is simply just a tease

You ain’t doin’ it right if they ain’t weak at the knees

Got every person lustin’ from the work of my tongue

Ya know, girls would bust if you just delivered for once

Sasuke Uchiha- Naruto (Performed by VI Seconds)

I’m about to kill the village

and my brother won’t be changin the story

Somethin shocking’s gonna fly from the arm,

you woulda thought that I screamed “Chidori”

Whole style Katon, they all see I’m fire y’all

Sharingan to Rinnegan, see the way that I evolve?

Kirin, can’t a medic ninja stop yo harm

Got more eyes on me than Danzo arm

Every time I black? Flame like Amaterasu

I’m vengeance, hard bodied, peep the Susanoo

#Nerdcore #Anime #Shonen Jump #Rap #Hip-Hop #Dragon Ball #Naruto #Demon Slayer #Death Note #Yu Yu Hakusho #Assassination Classroom #My Hero Academia #Bleach #Hunter x Hunter #One Piece #Food Wars #Black Clover #haikyuu!! #YuGiOh #Sasuke Uchiha #Vegeta #Hiei #L #Karma Akabane #Inosuke Hashibira #Rukia Kuchiki #Seto Kaiba #Killua Zoldyck #Roronoa Zoro #Katsuki Bakugo

[mvrnic]

MARNIE   (FULL ALBUM)   ONLY YOU  (2019.)

INTRO) ❝ because through it all it’s only you. always find my way back to you and only you. and with everything we’ve been through there’s only one truth, and that’s i was made for you and only you. ❞

1) BACK TO YOU ❝ you could break my heart in two but when it heals it beats for you, i know it’s forward but it’s true won’t lie i’d go back to you, you know my thoughts are running loose, it’s just a thing you make me do and i could fight but what’s the use? i know i’d go back to you  ❞

behind the song: this song was written just before they got back together at mia and chances wedding. the song is a candidly honest telling of how no matter what happens between herself and angel she knows after it all she’ll go back to him. there’s something that consistently draws them together every single time and there’s no use in fighting what is inevitable --they belong together.  “what’s the point in hiding everybody knows we’ve got unfinished business,” every single time they’ve gone through hard times or a breakup there’s one general consensus from their friends “they’ll get back together, they belong together”. they will never be finished. 

2) NEVER FADE  ❝ you know i can see the pain inside of you, i know i’m not going anywhere, once the silence hits the air you’ll know it too, i know you never asked for this, who ever would? and you’ve carried all of this weight alone, you thought you should // i wish i could give you an answer say the right words and it’d make you feel better but i’m just me nothing perfect or special and i can’t make it right today but just know i’m here and i’ll never fade away ❞

behind the song: this song was one of the last songs to be added to her album although marnie isn’t someone that comes across as soft, because she’s generally not to most people, she is incredibly soft and gentle for angel. its her promise to him that she might not be able to fix his problems or make everything okay even thought she wishes she could the one thing she can do is be there for him and not go away.  “and i hope you know that i’ll always be someone to lean on and when life gets heavy i’ll carry you,” is essentially her wedding vows to him.

3) FETISH ft GUCCI MANE ❝ baby take it or leave it but i know you won’t leave it because i know that you need it when i look in the mirror baby i see it clearer why you wanna be nearer // i don’t see a point in blaming you if i were you i’d do me too ❞

behind the song: this is a more tongue and cheek take on angel and marnies relationship, especially at the beginning of their dating. it’s very much a flashback to their push and pull start.  “i’m not surprised, i sympathise, i can’t deny, your appetite,” she’s basically saying she’s not shocked when someone is thirsty for her lets just be blunt. but the biggest sign it’s about angel and the start of their relationship is “i push you out and you come right back,” which is exactly what they were like at the start. constantly saying they weren’t together and it was just a hookup and pushing each other away before running right back to each other.

4) SURVIVORS ❝ you built me from a broken heart, with bricks you made from broken parts, you fixed the pain so we could start so now what’s mine is ours, i still have proof in forms of scars // my sweet devoted counter part, we count each others shooting stars  ❞

behind the song: if you know marnie and angel you know they have both been to hell and back, although it’s not an excuse for their actions it is a reason to offer for the way they act.  but upon meeting and taking care of each other they put each other back together in a way no one else could. in this song she calls herself and her husband survivors of extreme pain and hurt from their pasts saying that now they’ve put each others broken parts together “whats mine is ours” they have built a family, a shared space of safety. 

5) COLOGNE ❝ there’s a reason you’re everywhere, breathe you in like you’re in the air, maybe you should call off today, give your girl some time to play, from my ceiling to the floor my body knows that you’ve been here before // ‘cause you’re keeping me safe and warm even when i’m home alone wearing nothing but your cologne ❞

behind the song: marnie is a very clingy person when she loves someone, she’s also a very affectionate and sexual person. in other shocking news; fires hot. this song is just a fun and flirty song about who? her man. duh.  “every time i think about you i can feel my hand give in,” she’s essentially saying that when she’s alone she gets down n dirty with herself thinking about him. lets not sugar coat things. great. 

6) BAD LIAR ❝ I see how your tension builds, it’s like looking in a mirror, your touch like a happy pill, still all we do is fear, what could possibly happen next? can’t we focus on the love, paint my kiss across your chest if you’re the art i’ll be the brush ❞

behind the song: this song is a nostalgic, albeit more self aware, reminiscence of their earlier relationship. so before they got together there was a period where they had a fight and didn’t see each other for like 2 weeks because they’re dumbasses. this song is her reflecting back on then and basically confessing she saw him in every face.  “i was walking down the street the other day trying to distract myself but then i see your face oh wait thats someone else,” because even though she hated to admit it she looked for him in everyone. now knowing where they are as a couple she says “still all we do is fear //can’t we focus on the love” she wonders why they ever hesitated when this was waiting for them.

7) LY4L ❝ that night on your roof, we were dancing, no shoes, i told you my hearts got some damage, guess that’s when i knew, you looked at me said it’s cool, said baby it’s nothing i can’t handle, you and me we got that kinda love, i mean it, the way you know me like nobody does, i’m serious, you show me the good parts of myself ❞

behind the song: this is one of the happiest most upbeat songs on the album, the way it sounds is the way being in love with angel feels. this song is a free/dancey type anthem where she expresses how easy loving angel is. “i swear you always make it better, i want this shit forever, whenever we’re together i wanna stay here all night,” no matter how bad she’s gotten in her dissociative disorder or bipolar disorder there’s one grounding anchor in her life. her husband.  “all i wanna do is stay here with you, i wanna be here with you and am i crazy if i say i wanna love you for life?” she’s essentially saying what everyone knows, she’s whipped. 

8) TRUST NOBODY ft CASHMERE CAT && CHANDLER @ofchxnce ❝ lying down now i’m in the back, tinted windows sittin’ in the back seat, you know i’m a freak right? hit you on a free night, i know what you keep tight, you don’t wanna leave right? // cause you know i don’t trust nobody, i know you don’t trust nobody said only i can touch your body ❞  

behind the song: marnie’s natural musical disposition is spoken-singing and sexy because that’s who she is, she’s a very sexual and liberated person. this song is no different. marnie has never been an easy person to win her trust, but neither has angel. and they both don’t trust nobody but they were both very possessive and jealous of anyone else touching their person so they learnt to trust each other over time. 

9) GOOD TO YOU ft ANGELOS @ofangelos ❝ i’m in my marquise diamonds, i’m a marquise diamond, could even make the tiffany jealous // gonna wear that dress you like skin-tight do my hair up real, real nice and syncopate my skin to how you’re breathing // let me show you how proud i am to be yours leave this dress a mess on the floor ❞ 

behind the song: of course she has a song with her man on her album. this is probably her favourite song on the album because it’s the most them sounding.  “got a touch that makes you never wanna leave --so don’t,” they have always been drawn and attracted to each other so it only made sense to stay, didn’t it?  “ain’t worried about no press and ain’t worried about the next chick, they love the way you dress and ain’t got shit up on you,” a stand out line from Angels verse where he rewords “trading quantity for quality,” because no one else can stand up next to them. what they have can’t be replaced by anyone else.

10) HANDS TO MYSELF ❝ 'cause all of the downs and the uppers we keep making love to each other and i’m tryin’ i’m tryin’ i’m tryin’ // the doctors say you’re no good, but people say what they wanna say and you should know if i could, i’d breathe you in every single day // can’t keep my hands to myself I MEAN I COULD BUT WHY WOULD I WANT TO? ❞

behind the song: this album has a naturally cheeky and flirty tone to it and this song is one of the biggest stand outs in that tone. this song in it’s entirety is a cheeky way of saying you’re infatuated with someone. despite people saying they’re no good, despite the ups and the downs and the inconsistencies at times you’re completely magnetised to this person. and she’s said she can live without angel, she just doesn’t want to. same being she could keep her hands to herself, but like, look at angel  “why would i want to?”

11) NOBODY ❝ no kiss, no lips, no feel, no rush could keep my high i swear no one can love me like you do // my darkest sin you’ve raised release and it’s all because of you, i don’t know what it is but you’ve pulled me, no one compared, could ever begin // i don’t want nothing else not when i’ve had the best, i don’t want nothing else ‘cause you’ve shown me the best ❞

behind the song: an airy and sweet song explaining her inner most genuine feelings for her relationship. there’s nothing or no one in the world that can make her feel what her partnership can with her husband. she could have different drugs to get her high and give her a rush but nothing makes her feel as much as his love. she could have anyone else to wake up to, to touch and to feel but no one compares to him. “nobodies ever lead me to the truth, like you.”

12) DO IT ❝ damn i wish i didn’t feel so hypnotised but when i look at you baby it’s justified, so i take what i want and i give what i’ve got, to hell with all the rules that keep us civilised // i’ll be your tonto you’ll be my clyde, we’ll be together forever we’ll ride // if i had a choice, if i had my way boy you know we’d do it every single day.  ❞

behind the song: marnie is a whole ass ride or die and the line “we’ll be together forever we’ll ride,” is no lie. she’s the type of person that will ride with you until the very end. and this song showcases her newest, healthiest addiction to date. love. because when you’re in love, when your body is drawn to someone you wanna feel them, you wanna be that close every day because it’s a high nothing else can give you.

13) ANXIETY ft EDEN O’CONNOR ❝ if you hate someone put your hand up, if you’re scared put your hand up. feel like i’m always apologising for feeling, like i’m out of my mind when i’m doing just fine and my exes all say that i’m hard to deal with, i admit, it’s true  ❞

behind the song: it’s no secret marnie struggles with her mental health, it’s not exactly something she has ever tried to hide. and in this song with the head of her record label she discusses candidly what it’s like to live every day life with anxiety. marnie feels her emotions very very vividly, she’s not someone who has muted emotions and that can sometimes come back to bite her.  “i feel like i’m always apologising for feeling,” is very raw and real knock at feeling the need to apologise for her mental health. it’s a self aware acknowledgement that she’s hard to handle but she’s trying.

#( career. ) #i kept it as literal gucci mane bc marnie whole ass would've picked him on the track bc *gucci*

[saijbergman19-blog]

I love you Christine....I miss you to...and I know if you gave me another chance you wouldn't regret it I'm still here...I still want you....I'm still waiting..I think about you all day everyday, your my biggest motivation the biggest thing pushing me in my life to better myself to get jobs to make money to fix the shitty parts about myself to be a better person for the both of us and I've come so far and all I want is you to see how much I have changed and how much I mean everything I say about you, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I still care so much I hate everything that happened and it kills me I can't do anything to fix it or repair our bond....but the longer this goes on I feel you fading more and more, we don't talk anymore at all directly we just wright messages on posts now and I feel it's just getting to the point you are probably gonna stop communicating all together I wish I could show you how much I'm dedicated to you...I'd do anything for you I wish you would just come home...we could be really happy together...I'd spend every second of everyday just tryin to make you smile, I'm so afraid this is the end of us I'm so afraid you'll never leave him I'm so afraid I'll never see you again I'm so afraid that your just gonna stop making posts I'm just so afraid I'm gonna loose you the rest of the way....I want so much for you to be a part of everything in my life people keep catching me staring at my sides when I walk or sit down or empty chairs in the room of the barn and ask me what I'm staring at.....I never answer but it's not what I'm staring at...it's what I'm not staring at I'm looking at my empty sides or empty chairs because I'm trying my best to just picture you in the room or next to me in bed or anywhere I go...I still light my bowls half way leaving a green hit for you but you aren't there to take it I still sleep on my left side clutching a pillow wishing it was you wishing I could smell you and have your hair in. My face---(Even though I used to complain about it)---I loved it and I miss it I hold you so close to my heart thinkin about you and us and all of it is pretty much the only thing that still brings me true happiness but at the same time it also makes me sadder then I've ever been because I want to be with you so bad jelly bug....I read our old texts before my phone shut off all the time and I cry and I laugh and smile but then after the joy passes I'm left with the crippling emptiness that you aren't here still making me laugh and smile and then I cry and I cut a lot now...it's become a therapeutic addiction....I'm not sure I can stop at this point it would take a lot to stop my self harm my arm is a mess...but I have grown a lot sense we separated in a lot of good ways but I still eat myself alive for being the cause of you running away from me and giving up on us and your love for me and any hope I would be with you I can't forgive myself and I can't stop the cutting it's my only true escape the only time I truly go numb and it's a form of punishment for me and therapy....it hurts to even be telling you about it...but most likely if we ever met up in person again I'll probably have scars...and I'm so sorry for that :( I know that hearing about the fact I cut a lot now a days is gonna hurt you....I'm sorry I don't want to hurt you that's the last thing I want....but with out you I'm so unhappy I mean I try so hard to be positive and be happy but like I said I think about you and all our wonderful beautiful times together and I feel so happy but then your absence breaks it down and then it's just back to sadness I've come so far though...I wish you were proud I wish you could see it and I wish all my effort meant more idk how much it means but I wish It was enough to make you wanna give us another chance...I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I'M SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING BAD I EVER PUT YOU THROUGH....my parents miss you Caleb misses you jordan and indira wish they met you they always say you sound so wonderful when I speak about you...I want you to know I haven't given up on you Christine...I'm still right here and I'm beyond ready for us..I haven't given up on us....I'm still waiting for you...I need you in my life I need your love more then I need breathing until I met you I never felt I had a reason to be alive and I'm being dead honest I always wanted to die but when I met you you made me wanna be alive just to live for meeting up to hang out back during freshman sophomore year yes I was dating Leanne at the time but I still dealt with suicide and lots of me wanted to die despite being with her but when I met you that all stopped I no longer wanted to die at this point I wanted to see what would happen next for the first time in my life I was actually wanting to see what would happen next and I love what happened next we grew closer faster then I've ever attached to someone and I know I've told you this before but I was in love with you by junior year I tried to suppress it because I didn' realize at the time that I was in love with you and even back then I didn't feel I was good enough to be with a girl as perfect as you are I tried shutting you out and it was the hardest fucking thing I ever did during our 6 years together and it only took 2 months for me to finally break and text you and ask to meet up and that I missed you and I was sorry and that I should have tried cutting you out of my life and you were so happy and told me you had been waiting for this an missed me to and we met up and I almost cried i was just so happy to see you after avoiding you in the hallways at school and actually stop and look at you instead of avoiding eye contact we met up on the trail behind the hospital and walked back to my place and had a really good day and we only continued to grow closer....everything in our lives points us to be together but I tried to fight it and now you are fighting it and I just hate it so much because we are so meant for each other and I'm so in love with you like oh my god Christine you really have no clue at all....by senior year I finally told you I had feelings when you got with Chad I told you I couldnMt Stand you with someone else that I wanted to be the only one you wanted and you gave it to me for as long as you could....I never gave in to you to us....I don't blame you for wanting to look for love and happiness outside the house outside of me....I understand I drove you to feel for someone else I just wish me making all this effort and working so hard to change and better myself an prove to you I mean all these things I say....I just wish you would understand that only reason I ever held back was because I was afraid...I've never felt like this about someone and if you had left me after I had actually givin myself to you completely and made our relationship a real one I would not have been able survive loosin you I think the only two reasons I'm alive today is specifically because we never took things to the next level and the fact I'm trying and hoping so hard I can win you back....because there is nothing in this world I want more then you, I feel like I'm probably just saying way to much you wrote tiny little messages and I always just pour my heart out and I feel like it just makes you want me less and see me as still to unstable to be with idk....but I want you to know I didn't ignore your posts these past two days I have post notifications turned on for your tumblr so it instantly goes off and tells me when you post and it took me two whole days to get the nerve to open up tumblr and read what you said my anxiety goes out the roof when I get a tumblr notification about you.....I get so scared that your gonna say something like....I don't love you anymore or don't talk to me anymore or like idk just stop making posts I'm so afraid you are gonna be with Dustin forever and it just breaks my heart picturing you together all the time and I do that a lot....like I said I eat myself alive it consumes my thoughts I saved that picture of you and him everytime I see it I feel sick idk why I keep your picture with him but I do.....it's stupid I know...I just wish I was worth your time and worth giving another chance to...I still walk by your moms house constantly I still go on trail walks I still go to all our favorite spots I still cry all the time about you I still want you and I'm still here waiting for you to come home...he could never love you like I do if he even really does feel for you at all I love you more then I'm capable of loving anything there is nothing I wouldn' do for you and I mean that I'll never be able to love another girl....my hearts always going to belong to you and if I have to spend the rest of my life alone with your ghost in my heart and in my memories then fine I'd rather spend the rest of my life with you in my head in our old bedroom at your moms then try to find peace love and happiness in another girl who wonmt ever compare to you after you every girl is just so fucking boring and plain and annoying and there just simply not you....I guess I'm gonna shut up I'm rambling on and on again and I'm sorry I really donMt mean to do this the only thing I wanted to say was a response to your messages and I said I already but Imm gonna say it again I miss you to beautiful...and your the only thing on my mind every single day and I know that sounds like bullshit because a lot happens in a day I can't be thinking about you every second of the day no Matter who I'm with or what I'm doing right? No....literally I swear to god this is true I literally think of you every second of every day no matter who I'm with or what I'm doing whether watching tv playing video games readin a book hanging with people smoking or singing it doesn't matter what it is your still there in my head I think about you so much I fantasize so much I reminisce constantly and I've started writing songs about you as well, pretty soon I'm gonna start actually like recording songs and making them official songs and posting them as well...I have so much I want to say but never can....I always feel I'm bothering you or intruding and making it harder for you to let go because I feel you want to let go most the time because you left for someone else but again I try being positive and hopeful this is just temporary and will be one of those things where we will be on those couples who talk about how they had to be apart to make it work together and be together later on for the long run....I want nothing more then for this to just be a small phase and bump in our relationship I have days where I feel very good about that and that you'll come back to me and we will be happy and everything will be ok and we will spend our lives together...other days I'm bleeding in bed and can't help but feel this is truly the end no matter what I do it'll never be good enough for you to come back and give me a chance and that I'm just wastin my time and I'll be better off dead and you just want me to go away....ugh...ok I'm gonna stop now all I wanted to say was that I miss you to and same goes for me I never have a single day where I don't think about you or my love for you and I love you more then anything I love you so damn much jelly bug....I'm always gonna love you FOREVER AND ALWAYS I promise. ❤️