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#guess 2015 spring
systemaltoclef · 6 months
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killing me that i was created literally like eight years ago and we have no record of what time or even, like, month this was and i can’t put my silly zodiac into silly uquiz
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touchd0wn-boy · 6 months
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May I ask you, because I never really listened to AVA except for the first few singles which are still some of my favorite songs, do you know did Tom ever write any songs that could be seen as about Blink or about Mark or Travis?
As far as I know the only one that's explicitly about blink is Start The Machine.
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Obviously the emotions that came with the breakup are evident in a lot of songs, especially throughout that first album (starting anew, moving on, finding new purpose, war as a metaphor for a ruined relationship, it's all in there), but Tom always saw AVA as a way to become something more than 'Tom from blink-182' so he doesn't address any of it as openly as Mark does with +44. It's all more concepts and abstractions.
Oh, and Rite of Spring is Tom recapping his entire life up to that point, so it mentions blink too. During the Lifeforms tour in 2021 he actually dedicated it to Mark a few times and used it as a backdrop to talk about their restored friendship, so he clearly associates it with blink and that time in his life.
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Also: listen to AVA. They're really good, I promise.
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crikey-way · 1 year
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When Vic Fuentes said “If you didn’t come home injured, would you say it was a good show?” I felt that
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inkskinned · 10 months
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one of the things that's so frustrating is how often the arguments against us are actually happening to us. we said - you need to watch out, this will evolve into allowing fascism into legal statute. and we were told: you're a sensitive snowflake. you're annoying and stupid and have no concept of reality. nobody really believes that stuff.
but it's indoctrination for kids to even see queer people. it's grooming for kids to even be around queer people. it's disgusting to even put rainbows on kids clothes. it's inappropriate, shameful, still-an-argument. like any of this is new - we know already. for you, even seeing someone unashamed is the same thing as "forcing" it onto you. because god-forbid you confront any internal thought you have. because god-forbid you practice empathy. rage is better, i guess. it keeps you pretty.
this has always been the way of some people - a while ago, it would have been "sinful" for my white mom to marry my hispanic dad. once, in the year of our lord 2015, someone told me that "mutts" deserve a woodchipper. that one particular insult stayed with me - not because it was the first or last, but because there was something so unbelievably violent about it that i couldn't figure out how to hold it. the idea that someone is so assured of their bigotry and rage that they would paint this kind of a picture. even jokingly, even with the anonymity of the internet, it kind of centered things for me. a sense that, for some people, their rage burned so unimaginably large that it blocked even the basic fact of my humanity.
at one point, while i still had enough fire in me to get into long arguments, one of the bigots i was "debating" (being harassed by) said: to be honest, it's about the sex, not the love. between you, me, and the four walls of this blue hellsite, i actually didn't really care for "love is love" as the slogan of our community. it seemed so placid, so gentle, so ally-focused. where was the vitriol? where was the hours i spent agonizing over myself? where was the quiet moments of my life, filled with the sound of other people's hatred? this static that settles over everything; even for the action of holding her hand.
the world is unfair. i am an adult, and without the veneer and small-pond syndrome of my teenage years, the slogan has started sounding more desperate. the more places i went, the more people i met. love is love. love is defending him on a rooftop bar. the drink she throws at me goes down into my shoes while i stand there, wishing i had a better retort than what the fuck. love is both of us, keeping our heads down, the black SUV full of frat boys (?) pulled up next to us, howling, for five whole blocks, until we both gave up and had to stick our bare legs into the thicket by the side of the road, giving over into tick country rather than let it go on any longer. love is a lazy spring afternoon, my hand on her belly, the fan spinning overhead. did you hear the whole thing about target?
did you hear about being the target? that's a fun little parallel, isn't it. it almost feels like the game that-is-about-me is being played without-my-participation. someone wants to set fire to my life, and i have to wait for a response from a capitalist institution. i am watching a tiktok where a white woman under white lights complains about adult swimsuits, even though i think a lot of people would benefit from having swimming options that are not "instagram-inspired bikini" or "impossible to move in but otherwise pretty".
sometimes it just seems so fucking stupid. like, just to check, the rage you feel and the hatred - you could really just avoid all of that by minding your fucking business. sometimes (and this is true): it's not about you, and people don't need your permission. like, i don't understand any obsession with sports, but it seems to make other people happy. american football literally results in grievous bodily injury - and yet there are onesies for babies that say future quarterback. i personally don't love it, so i just don't buy that stuff. i walk by it, and don't let it bother me. there have been so, so, so many times that i was told - "so what if he's a little bit homophobic, if you don't like him, don't watch his movies." "so what if they fired her. don't buy their product." "so what if they wouldn't make a rainbow cake. just don't support them."
sometimes i feel the meaning of it scud against my body, an orca whale inside of me, threatening the boat. it is too large to see from my place; this shadow of a thing that dwarfs my petty other-concerns. i need to find a dress for an event, and florida is passing more anti-gay legislation. i need to text my friend back and confirm our plans, and someone is throwing beer bottles to the floor in a walmart because a different case had rainbows on them. it is a long fall, if i look down into it; this sense like the bottom doesn't exist. like i have only ever dipped my toes in.
sometimes i am unbelievably tired of talking about it. it feels like it has become too trite in my own poetry - queer writer complains about the state of the world! how original! - and then something else happens, and i am here again. i remember that it isn't a moment. i remember it isn't a scattered population of cartoon evil-doers, intent on world domination from behind handlebar mustaches. it is a concerted effort of real people with real power who really-do want to see my end. it is a lifetime of dodging the beercan as it sails out of the back of the van. it is a lifetime of not-kissing once we leave the apartment. it is a lifetime of watching someone protest our existence and then, very slowly, giving them the finger. it is a lifetime of holding my friends' hands and hearing the same agony in their life that i lived through. it is us, together, our faces turned upwards, the night sky so vast, milky way overhead like a lacework zipper.
it is a lifetime of staring down woodchippers.
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daswarschonkaputt · 1 year
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so a few select people know that i've been working on these bad boys for a few weeks now. this collection started because @mortimerlatrice had the audacity to try and tell me that fem!kinn wouldn't wear skirts and dresses and i pretty much broke my tablet pen in the rush to prove her wrong. also i felt like redesigning my fem!kinn and fem!porsche ideas. beneath the cut are my thoughts on these outfits plus the fashion collections they're inspired by/referencing.
fem!kinn businesswear looks
fem!kinn i feel like is the type of person who weaponises her gender expression. every part of how she presents herself is a carefully cultivated power play. she smokes cigars and drinks scotch and can talk at length about stocks and cryptocurrency, but she wears high heels even though she had to teach herself how to run in them, has long hair even though styling it is a nightmare, and is never seen without make-up, because every part of her must straddle a line of being masculine enough to be respected without being dismissed as butch, or a transgressor of gender norms. so: power suits and heels.
most of these are just riffs on the show's suits, so no real reference images, though hilarious @elnotwoods and i managed to parallel brain the exact same corset + suit look bc we are bloggers of TASTE.
fem!kinn occasionwear looks
the product launch -- upon rewatching clips from this episode i realised that the product launch apparently has a roaring 20s theme? which be wildin'. i spent so long looking at pictures of 20s style dresses until i found eliza jane howell who is a tiny british designer who has an entire collection of 20s inspired gowns. the inspo for kinn's dress was the miranda dress from her eveningwear collection.
the diamond auction -- i've drawn fem!kinn in this dress before, and i stand by it. this is a dress from ralph and russo's fall 2015 couture collection, specifically look 12. i first saw this dress months ago when i was looking for clothes for a project i was working on and it's lived in my brain rent free since.
date night i and date night ii -- both of these dresses i saw on pinterest somewhere and forget to save the link bc when i do art i usually have abt 50 billion tabs open. (i make firefox weep each time i open a new one.)
looks that almost made it in: michael cors rtw fall 2022 look 24; and schiaparelli couture spring 2022 look 24.
fem!kinn misc looks
okay so the theme for this one was actually "iconic kinn looks" and you know what? the towel was iconic. there i said it.
the sleepwear look -- *cries in detail work* yes all that lace is hand-drawn YES MY WRIST ACHED SO BAD AFTER FINISHING IT, this one is just conjured out of my head, no inspo look
the suspenders -- real ones know which kinn look this one is based off. just google kinn in suspenders or something i guess because we were ROBBED that it wasn't in the show. ROBBED.
the towel -- since drawing it multiple ppl have told me that they think fem!kinn would just wear the towel on her hips, tits out, no shame, and they are all so valid.
family portrait -- when i was drawing this, i got sent a look by siv that i initially discounted because it was a skirt suit and fem!kinn all about those power suits. and then i was looking for thai designers and i saw the same look and i was like, "okay but she'd only wear this in a family portrait," and then i was like hhrrrrnngngn family portrait outfits for all of them, so now it's a category. this is a recoloured version of poem bangkok's fall 2022 rtw collection look 19.
fem!porsche "pre-kinn" looks
okay so my thoughts on fem!porsche are as someone for whom gender is almost an afterthought, whose main friends are all guys, who drinks bear and kicks ass and cuts her own hair whenever it gets too annoying, who buys male toilettries because they're cheaper, who's made a career out of being rich girl's experimental whirl into lesbianism, and who can get them off real easy but isn't so good at getting herself off. she's hooked up with her fair share of guys, and considers herself more of a male-leaning bisexual. like, girls are fun and all, but she tends to have a better time when she hooks up with guys. (kinn's gonna blow that out of the water, hahaha.)
the fighter outfit -- originally this was going to be just a sports bra + jeans, but then i saw a pic of a cropped hoodie and my brain just sort of blanked out and when i was done the art was finished. porsche's abs are very important to me. as are her arms. and her thighs. she's an itty bitty titty committee member tho and i stand by that.
the bartender outfit -- i've drawn this one before, but yes! all the buttons undone! cheapest black shirt and slacks! converse!!! YESS
the casual outfit -- bike shorts, big t, big shirt? yes. fem!porsche sits somewhere between jock and gonna-fix-your-appliances on a fashion basis and i am here for it.
fem-porsche "kinn era" looks
one of the big ideas i had going into this project was the idea that porsche feels divorced from her femininity in a way that she's not altogether satisfied with and that kinn helps her reconnect with it. because, like, let's be real: porsche has no major feminine influences in her life growing up, and she's literally always got bigger concerns. she defo plays up the idea that she's above it all, whilst also completely lost as to how to get to there. kinn is probably both an object of envy and attraction for her.
(also i have in my head that the sauna conversation goes something like: porsche: do you have a boyfriend, then? kinn: i've never once found a man that truly wants a powerful woman. porsche: huh, that's weird. i've had no trouble finding guys who want me to hold the up against a wall.)
anyway it's important to me that kinn makes porsche feel dainty and feminine.
the bodyguard look -- hrrrrngngng waist. that is all.
clubbing with tankhun -- you know how i said somewhere between jock and owns a monkey wrench? meet porsche out clubbing. love it for her.
first public date with kinn -- so the background i had imagined for this outfit was that porsche and kinn are going public, and kinn sends her a box with a dress to wear plus heels, only porsche can literally not stand for more than two seconds in the heels and hates them, so she wears her converse instead. this is almost a direct copy of look 12 from monse's spring 2021 rtw collection.
black tie date with kinn -- obvs this is a dress that kinn picked out for her, so i thought long and hard about what kinn would choose. in the end, i figured kinn would probably want her to look regal. i looked at so many dresses for this one, esp bc there was a secret requirement where i wanted the skirt to be loose enough that kinn could eat her out in it. look, i just think it would be gender if kinn dressed porsche up in this dress and porsche felt all pretty and feminine and then kinn ate her out in the bathroom at the event or something. you know. girl things. this dress is look 6 from valdrin sahiti's spring 2022 bridal collection and i had to download a pdf to get a reference picture, so appreciate my work. also shoutout literally the only time porsche is wearing heels. kinn had to give her like three hours of walking lessons.
fem!porsche minor family head looks
michael kors collection saved my bacon here. i really struggled to figure out what fem!porsche's overall aesthetic would be for her minor family head position. i wanted something distinct from kinn, but didn't think she'd go full androgyny. in the end i settled on a well-tailored suits with a military flare in their cut.
first business look -- this one is based on look 19 from michael kors collection's fall 2022 rtw collection. dem arms.
second business look -- same song, different verse. same collection, but look 7. the thigh-high boots were added by me, though. i wasn't drawing lesbian kinnporsche without putting one of them in thigh-high boots.
visiting mum -- a couple of things. this one is based on this photo i found on pinterest, because i just really liked the neckline. details you might miss: this is arguably porsche's most femme outfit here, but she doesn't have the perfectly styled hair that she has when she's on mafia business, and she's still wearing her ratty beat-up converse. she's feminine, but trying to be authentic. it's a specific kind of messaging she's trying to get across to her mum. she probably agonised for hours over what to wear. kinn definitely really likes her in it.
family portrait -- again, plucked from my own imagination. the original inspiration for this look was look 9 from altuzarra pre-fall 2020 but if you click that link you'll probably be able to tell i went completely off-script. the more i drew it, basically, the more the altuzarra look looked too japanese, which is understandable, because that collection's whole thing was about blending modern and traditional japanese fashion. in the end, i pivoted, and brought it more in line with kinn's look, because i really did want them to have similar vibes. (couples outfits? couples outfits!!)
near misses -- these ones almost ended up involved: altuzarra pre-fall 2020 look 6 for the family portrait; michael kors fall 2020 look 60 also for the family portrait; michael kors fall 2020 look 30 for minor family mafia business; look 17 from alexander mcqueen's 2011 pre-fall collection also for mafia business; this look from pinterest for mafia business that got discounted bc i was going in a different direction; and this dress from rouba.g's spring 2019 rtw collection for the black tie dress which literally only avoided inclusion here because i couldn't make the sheer fabric look right.
anyway the takeaway here is don't get into an argument with me because i will bring receipts. mort learned their lesson, don't worry.
also @yeetlegay i gave you adequate warning. you knew it was coming.
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“Letters to My Love” | Hanji x Reader
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Fandom: Attack on Titan  Pairing: Hanji x Reader  Words: 4k 
A/N: This is a self-indulgent, completely unfiltered, messy little fic that deals with my love for Hanji. Ever since I started reading AoT back in 2015, I’ve had a soft spot for Hanji. My little ray of sunshine, one of my first comfort characters, the one character I could actually see myself becoming friends with in real life. Seeing her death finally animated (beautifully) brought a lot of feelings forward. She was brave and gorgeous and kind and absolutely amazing. It actually feels like I’m saying farewell to a close friend of mine. And so this messy fic was born, mostly unedited but with a lot of my personal feelings channeled into the reader’s POV. You can read this as either a platonic or romantic relationship, whatever floats your boat. I hope you enjoy the fic! 
Warnings: lots of angst, major character death, implied reader death, some blood and violence, struggling to cope with grief, post-war/post-snk 139 world, Hanji is referred to as female with she/her pronouns 
THIS FIC CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR AOT S4 PART 3 (AND THE UPCOMING PART 4) AND SNK 139! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT ALL CAUGHT UP, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! 
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It’s all so stupid. A stupid idea, a stupid reason behind it, a stupid man telling you about it in the first place. Why even bother with this in the first place? It’s not like it’ll help you in the long run.
But Falco’s still staring up at you with those big eyes, the slightest quiver of his lip, arms stretched out towards your own.
“Please?” His voice is unnaturally soft; it might be the lighting, but you can almost see a tear in those huge eyes. “At least try it, won’t you? I promise, you’ll feel better. Just like Dad says.”
You don’t have the heart to tell the kid his father’s full of shit, just like everyone else in this horrible world. Nothing’s left for you to enjoy, nothing you can cling to during the tough times. Those days are gone, the memories of bliss vanishing with every passing day.
But he looks so sad, so fucking hopeful, as though he still believes you can do it. You can lift this crushing weight off your chest with just a pen, some paper, and a few words every day.
“…Fine.” He practically shoves the dusty old notebook into your chest with a smile. “I’ll give it a shot.”
You’ll try, but you already know it’s a waste of time.
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I’m not good at this. Writing’s never been my strong suit—not when it comes to other people. But you already know knew that, didn’t you?
Mr. Grice gave me the idea. Says writing everything down is a lot better than saying it out loud sometimes. Falco said the same thing; he still writes to his brother every other week. 
I don’t understand why. It’s not like I’ll ever send them, they’re just gonna sit in my desk collecting dust. But I told Falco I’d try for him. He’s a sweet kid, I can see why you like liked him. Sorry, it’s a habit. 
I don’t know what else to say. I guess I’ll try again tomorrow.
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It’s me again. Onyankopon came to visit again. He checks up on me at least once every week. Same day, same time. It’s like he doesn’t trust me. Maybe he’s just looking out for me. That’s what Levi says.
Things are slowly going back to normal. He says it’s been almost five months since you left the battle. It’ll be spring soon. This winter hasn’t been too bad though. I miss the snow a little bit. Maybe one day we can go further north to see some next year. I know Gabi and Falco would enjoy it.
I can’t think of anything else to write down. I’m sure I’ll be back soon though.
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Mundane topics. What you ate today. Who you saw at the market. The stories Gabi and Falco would make up whenever they were bored.
It’s all so stupid, but you write it down anyway. Stuff she’d like, stuff she wouldn’t like. Not her name, never her name. You can’t bear to say it out loud, not even spell out the letters without bursting into a fit of sobs. What’s the point, anyway? Not like she’s here to answer her own name anymore.
Still, you keep writing. Every day, at least something goes down in that little brown notebook. You’re the only one who reads it. Mr. Grice refuses to, says it’s for your eyes only. Falco sometimes shares what he’s written to his brother, but only when the two of you are alone. He has a little brown book of his own, same shape and size too. Always keeps it in the first drawer of his nightstand, same place you keep yours.
The days crawl by. Every breath hurts less and less. Slowly but surely, you wonder if you’re actually getting better.
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I thought of you today. The kids wanted to stop in a bookstore during our shopping trip so I let them. They can be so eager and hyper when they want to be. (Why can’t they be like that when it comes to their chores?)
They both went for the bookshelf in the far corner. Books about the world; about weapons, inventions, plants, animals, experiments, I couldn’t keep track of how many there were. And the kids just sat there for hours, leafing through book after book. I ended up leaving just to drop off the groceries at home before heading back to pick them up. And when I got there they were still poring over those dusty, wrinkled pages.
You would like the bookstore. It’s on the smaller side but it doesn’t feel crowded. It’s got a few benches for people to sit and read for a bit, and there’s a café right next door too. But when I told Levi about it he got a little snippy; I think he’s jealous, his tea shop will always be superior.
He’s doing okay, I know you’re probably worried about him. His leg still gives him trouble but he’s getting better every day. He gave me a job after the shop opened a few weeks ago. Right now I’m just cleaning off tables and fixing up pastries in the back. Gabi handles inventory with Levi (she’s actually pretty good at it) and Falco takes care of the customers up front. He has the best attitude out of all of us, I think. The job is a bit boring sometimes but it beats killing Titans, using ODM gear, being a soldier
Never mind. I’ll write more later, I have to go for now. I’ll be back.
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It’s really warm today. I keep thinking about that summer we spent in Krolva, in 848. You kept hunting for strange plants and flowers in the forest and had me and Moblit chasing after you all day! But you didn’t stop, not even when Levi threatened to knock you out and haul you back to base.
Sometimes I can still see Erwin’s smile, hear Mike and Nanaba’s laughter, feel the light summer breeze against my face.
I can still remember the way you said my name. I miss hearing the sound of your voice.
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For the first time in a long while, you wake up with a smile on your face.
Your cheeks are stained with tears, still. You haven’t gone to sleep silently once in the past six months or so. Always stuffing your face into the pillow, muffling your sobs, praying neither Levi nor the kids hear you being so pathetic.
Your head is pounding, throat tight but chest feeling lighter than ever. You have to write it down, you don’t wanna forget, don’t forget—
The notebook is resting on your dresser. Your hands still shake when you reach for it, almost clatters to the floor when you try to pick it up. The pen leaps from your trembling fingers. The first words you write are barely legible, but you don’t stop writing for anything.
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I had a dream about you last night. I can’t remember everything but I know you were in it and you were still alive smiling.
Still had both eyes, silly girl.
None of our comrades were there; no Levi, Moblit, or Mike. Just me and you, sitting on the rooftop of the old Survey Corps base, watching the stars twinkle above us. Your arm was so warm against my shoulders. Your messy hair tickling my cheek. You were laughing about something, I can’t remember what. But you looked so happy, so carefree and joyful. You haven’t looked that relaxed in years.
You whispered something in my ear, and my throat exploded with laughter. You held me close, lips brushing my cheek, eyes shining in the glowing moonlight.
You were happy, so I was happy.
But then I woke up, you were gone, and I was cold again.
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Summer’s almost halfway over. The tea shop has been busier, Levi seems to enjoy the success. He’s still not very sociable but he’s learning to be more pleasant with the customers. They’ll keep coming back if he’s not rude to them all the time.
The town is expanding. Onyankopon thinks one of the nearby cities will start offering jobs, either railroad work or seamstress positions. A lot of factory jobs will start coming back too, and they’ll pay well. He says I could apply, just to keep my hands busy. Says it’s good to get out of the country once in a while.
Still undecided, I’d be going alone. Levi refuses, he hates the idea of city living, and he has the tea shop to worry about. The kids would stay with them; Gabi doesn’t like the smell of smoke, and Falco wouldn’t go anywhere without her. I can go, I don’t have anything tying me down.
What do you think I should do?
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Four weeks left. It’s getting harder and harder to keep writing. I thought it would get easier, like Falco said. But I still feel that horrible pit deep in my chest. A weight that’s making it harder to breathe every day.
I don’t know what to do. I’m a burden. I can’t do anything on my own anymore. It’s always Levi or Onyankopon who’s there to hold my hand. Always Gabi and Falco to bring me back, remind me I have to keep living, to keep my head out of the clouds. But sometimes I wish I could run away. Leave it all behind. Maybe that city idea doesn’t seem so bad.
I wish you were here with me.
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August 22nd. Two weeks to go.
Levi’s been quieter nowadays. Onyankopon isn’t as eager when he’s talking about the recovering towns and cities. Even the kids are more solemn than usual.
Still hoping this is all a bad dream. That I’ll wake up and you’ll be at my side, smiling and laughing like you do. Not a single care in the world.
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The calendar is torn to shreds, left on the kitchen table for everyone to see. Gabi is utterly silent, a far cry from her usual loudmouthed self. Falco is quick to pull her aside as you storm past them, down the hall and into your room, slamming the door with a thud.
Burying your face in your hands. Chest wracked with sobs. Throat burning as her name rips itself from your mouth.
Hanji.
Stop it.
Your back hits the wall, knees buckling beneath your weight. Nails tear at the roots of your hair, scraping down your cheeks, eyes growing warm even though you keep them shut.
Hanji.
Another scream, you throw yourself against the wall. Your shoulder collides with the bookcase, but the pain doesn’t help. Nothing helps you anymore, not even writing in that shitty little book—
Someone’s calling your name on the other side of the door. Tiny fists pound on the wood; the knob twists and turns in vain. You made sure to lock it after coming in here.
Stop it. Can’t they see you want to be left alone?
Alone. You’re all alone now. You have no one left.
No parents, no children, no comrades…
And no other half.
Hanji.
“Stop it!” But you can still hear her name, swirling around in your head, a chorus of a thousand voices.
Hanji, Hanji, Hanji.
“Leave me alone!”
Something shatters against the wall. Your palm stings with something fierce, a shadow of red seeping from the skin.
The book, the book, where is it? Where did you put it?
There it is—right on your bed where you left it last. You’re scrambling over broken glass to grab at it, bloody fingers clutching the pen stuck between the pages. The tears are hot against your cheeks. Hurt like nothing else, not even the pain in your chest.
And they just keep on coming as you keep on writing.
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Why did you leave me? Why did you have to go? Why did you have to kill kill yourself like that?
We could’ve handled it. Without your help. Maybe if you’d let us you’d still be alive with me. If you’d just trusted me—why didn’t you trust me? I trusted you, why didn’t you return the favor?
It’s your fault I’m like this now. I was fine before but then you fucked it all up.
Did you think you were some kind of hero? You’re not. Going out in a blaze of glory? Selfish asshole.
You’re not. You never were. You left me and now I’m alone and I hate
I hate you.
I hate you I hate you I hate you didn’t have to leave me but you did and now I hate you I can’t believe I love loved you how could I ever love someone so selfish fuck you so selfish
I HATE YOU
YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO DIE WHY AREN’T YOU HERE WITH ME ANYMORE WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE YOU LEAVE TO MAKE YOU GO WHY WHY WHY
I STILL HATE YOU
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Levi finds you hours later. Sitting on the floor at the foot of your bed, hands trembling against your knees. The book is lying halfway across the room. Must’ve thrown it earlier.
He heaves a sigh, dragging his hand across his scarred face. And despite the ache in his leg he still kneels down to your level, taking a seat beside you against the bed. Wrapping up your hands in one of the spare shirts you tore from the dresser just minutes before.
“Brats were worried,” he finally says, and he sounds so fucking tired. There’s an inkling of guilt blooming in your chest. Such a burden to him, as always. “Said you’d run off and started crying.”
“…So?”
He rolls his eyes, focusing on your bloodied hands. They’re dry now, and he makes a sound of disgust in the back of his throat.
Eventually he pulls you on your feet, leads you to the washroom and runs your hands under the warm water. He wraps up your hands in some clean bandages; over his shoulder you can see two sets of eyes staring at you from down the hall. One brown, one hazel.
“Quit beating yourself up like this. That’s not what she died for, brat. And don’t ask me,” he snaps when I open my mouth, “what she died for. Because you and I both know the answer to that. …So don’t make me say it.”
You’re still blubbering like a child, fat tears rolling down your cheeks, splashing onto the clean bandages around your hands. Levi sighs again before pulling you in close, one arm looped around your shoulders. His chest is warm, heart strong against your palm.
But it’s nothing compared to hers—and the thought makes you cry even harder.
“I get it.” His lips are warm against your forehead, hand cupping around the back of your head. “I miss her, too.”
You’re not sure when he makes you leave the washroom. But once he does he brings you down to the kitchen, giving Gabi and Falco each a pat on their heads. You give them a smile, tears still fresh in your eyes, before gathering the torn pieces of the calendar in your bruised hands.
Maybe you can fix this. It’s the fifth of September, after all. Not a day you want to forget just yet.
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I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, I swear on my life. I wanna rip those pages out but I’ll lose the other letters and I don’t want to lose them like I lost you.
I don’t hate you. You’re not selfish, you never were. I know you did the best you could as Commander of the Survey Corps, with the incredible weight on your shoulders. Your main priority was always keeping us safe and giving us hope.
I know why you left that day. But I wish you hadn’t left me behind. I could’ve gone with you, helped you out that day. We could still be together dead or alive.
I love you. I wish I could’ve said it when you were still alive with me. I wish I could say it to your face instead of writing it down in a dusty old notebook.
I love you. I miss you. I wish I could see your smile one last time. Hear your voice again. See the beautiful shine in your eyes.
Because I love you, and I always have. Maybe someday I’ll see you again and tell you face-to-face. Maybe by then I won’t be such a coward.
Hope you enjoy your birthday up there.
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Every day brings something new. Smells, tastes, sounds, even the wind outside is different every day. People passing each other hour after hour, car horns filling your ears, the sting of smoke deep in your lungs; it’s easy to get lost in the atmosphere.
You take it in stride. Onyankopon is standing there, holding out his hand, ready to guide you deeper into the city. He’s offered to carry your suitcase but you insisted you do it yourself; too many memories are stuffed in between the clothes inside.
You suck in a breath and take his hand. A little awkward, with a suitcase in your other hand, and the old tattered notebook resting in the crook of your elbow. But the damn thing has already wormed its way into your heart, no way are you leaving it behind now.
A tight swallow, a soft smile from Onyankopon, as you let him lead you towards the next chapter of your life.
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City life isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. It’s busy and crowded but it keeps me looking forward. No time to dwell on the past here. Maybe that’s why Onyankopon was so adamant about me living here.
There’s a bookstore here, much larger than the one back home where Levi and the kids live. It pays well, the owner’s nice, and she lets me borrow some of her own books from her personal collection from time to time.
She wears glasses too—not as cute as yours, though.
I try to visit Levi and the kids every other weekend. Gabi and Falco come to visit once in a while but Levi always stays behind. Blames it on the bad leg but we both know the truth. Too many bad memories of Mitras has made him wary of crowded cities.
But I like it. I have my own apartment, right next door to Onyankopon’s, with a balcony and a slew of potted plants. Onyankopon says some people like to name their plants just for the fun of it. The two sitting on the windowsill are Sawney and Bean. (You’re welcome, silly girl.)
It’s hard work but I’m getting better. I don’t dread writing in this book anymore. I can think of your smile without bursting into tears. For now I’m content to sit back and enjoy city life, until whatever god watching over us decides my time is up.
I promise to write soon; have to head to work now. I’ll be back.
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It’s been a year since you left me. I still want to see you again.
Onyankopon and I are heading into town for a few days to visit Levi. He says he doesn’t need help around the shop but he never complains whenever I show up at his door. Sometimes I wonder if he feels obligated to put up with me. If he thinks you’ll haunt him forever if he turns me away. That sounds like something you would do, silly girl.
I had another dream about you last night. Right after the celebration for Shiganshina, the night before the expedition to reclaim Wall Maria. We were laughing and drinking and sharing old stories—but we weren’t alone. Erwin and Levi were there. So was Moblit, and by some miracle, so were Mike and Nanaba.
I hope we’ll all be together again soon. I hope they’re all watching us, waiting to see what we’ll do with this new world we’ve forged for ourselves.
I know you are. You’re always watching, aren’t you?
I have to go now, or Onyankopon will head out without me. I’ll let you know how Levi and the kids are when I come home.
Miss you more every day. I hope I’ll get to see you again soon. Until then, I’ll just have to keep writing these silly little letters. I think you’d like them anyways.
See you later, Hanji.
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It’s bright when you open your eyes. Too bright, a soft breeze kissing your cheeks, nose scrunching up as you shield your face with your hands. Funny, you don’t remember leaving the window open when you fell asleep. Or sleeping outside, for that matter.
You’re lying in the grass, a bed of wildflowers sprawled beneath you. There’s a forest at the edge of the valley, close enough for you to see the shadows of animals spilling across the trees. The sun is warm on your skin, so bright and beautiful, not a single cloud in the sky.
Almost too good to be true.
Is this it? Have you finally reached the end of your line? All those days with Levi, Onyankopon, and the kids, moving from town to city for work, seeing what little of the new world you could for both you and your other half…
Has your time finally run out?
“Hey, over here!”
Your blood freezes in your veins. A shadow crosses yours in the warm sunlight. A heavy cape blows in the wind, a dark green to match the forest beyond the meadow.
A pair of wings splashed against the fabric. Messy brown hair tied up haphazardly. Shiny glasses reflecting in the sun. Warm brown eyes that remind you of home.
“I was wondering when you’d get here. It’s been kinda lonely, I have to say…”
Hanji Zoe is standing right there in front of you, looking as radiant as ever. No scars or bruises to be seen, nor the black patch over her left eye. No burns or charred fabric on her body.
She looks…happy. Safe, content.
Alive.
“…Dumbass,” you finally find your voice, rushing into her outstretched arms. “You had me worried sick! Are you hurt? Can I do anything for you? I swear, I won’t let you go anywhere alone ever again! I’ll be right there by your side for as long as you—”
“Hey, hey, hey, come on now! You’re gonna make me blush with all that sweet talk!”
But you can’t stop yourself. And before you know it you’re sobbing into her chest, arms wrapped tight around her wrist, feeling the soft b-bmp of her heart against your ear.
“Love you, you know that? I love you, so please don’t leave me again…”
You’ll say it over and over, as many times as she wants to hear it. But for right now she’s silent, her arms resting around your waist and shoulders, tugging you in for a bone-crushing hug. Her messy hair is tickling your nose again, her smile could rival the sun in the sky. She shakes her head and lets out a laugh, before pressing a warm kiss to the apple of your cheek.
“I won’t ever leave you again, alright? I’m sorry about that, I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t mean to leave you like that…”
You hold her tighter, knocking her down into the wildflowers below. She lets out a real laugh this time, hair sticking out like a halo above her head, palms against your cheeks. For the first time in months—no, years—your chest feels whole again.
“I know you didn’t. It’s okay, I promise, it’s okay…”
A comforting silence washes over the two of you. It’s so warm right here, in this little meadow of your own, surrounded by a thousand wildflowers. She’s finally safe in your arms, after all these years, and you are never letting her go ever again.
“…I love you, Hanji.”
“I know,” she answers with a smile that makes your heart soar, “and I love you too.”
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sapphyreopal5 · 3 months
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I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and that you're all ready for this year to end already. I'm pretty sure given what's happened in Jensen's life, he sure is ready for 2023 to go out the door. Big Sky and The Winchesters getting cancelled, FBBC having 2 brewers quit in 1 week, firing several other employees according to some posts that were here on Tumblr and on Instagram, and let's not forget The Winchesters lawsuit that was filed earlier this year. I'm aware some people here have been speculating on what is to come of Jensen's brewery FBBC, so I thought I'd share a little bit of some interesting history with regards to the Ackles and Graul families in business.
In a previous post, I talked about some of the history of FBBC itself being tied to a brewery called County Coast Brewing Company that was in the Malibu, California area back in 2013. The former address was 29201 Heathercliff Road #116 in Malibu, CA. Gino was the listed owner of this brewery that was incorporated 10/4/2013 and became inactive 10/9/2017, 4 years and 5 days after this company was formed. Its current inactive status is listed as Suspended Ftb/Sos. One noteworthy mention here, I couldn't find this County Coast Brewing Company anywhere as being say "permanently closed" as you would other businesses. No Google reviews or searches are available either for this company. Hmm, it's just like it never existed unless you know to look up Gino's name and affiliated LLCs or remember the name of this company...
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According to this website, it says under the Why is My Business Suspended section: "Generally, businesses are suspended when they fail to:
File a return
Pay
Taxes
Penalties
Fees
Interest
You may be able to find out the reason for suspension using MyFTB. Business entities registered with Secretary of State (SOS) must file and pay at least $800 franchise or annual tax from their registration date to current, regardless of business activity. Visit due dates for businesses for more information on when to file and pay."
After doing some further research thanks to this Tumblr post, it does seem that after Jensen filed for the incorporation of Family Business Beer Company back on 11/5/2014 in Dallas Texas, 1 year, 1 month and 1 day after County Coast Brewing Company was filed in California under Gino's name. Interestingly enough, a couples post that were seemingly tied to the County Coast Brewing Company dated prior to FBBC opening doors in January 2018 are still on the Facebook page. This post dated 4/8/2014 BEFORE FBBC was incorporated but is on the FBBC Facebook page states "On our way to Denver for the 2014 Craft brewer's Conference!!!" This photo dated 12/8/2013 has a caption stating "looking forward to trying out our newest batch of Pale Ale!" Again, no comments on it date past 3/17/2017 just like the other post that predates the official opening of FBBC in Austin on 1/10/2018 by several years.
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The other Tumblr post I mentioned here even has a screenshot (along with several others) of posts that have been deleted including one that was posted on 1/24/2015 at 6:56pm saying "County Coast is moving location and names!!!!!! WTF?! Haha, relocating to the South. #AustinTexas get ready!!!!" Given the Graul and Ackles family histories of deleting comments they deemed unsavory on the FBBC Instagram page, it doesn't surprise me that they cleaned up shop on the internet and Facebook pages to try eliminating the existence of the failed County Coast Brewing Company and rebranding their Facebook page to become Family Business Beer Company's. According to this article, it states "While living in California, Jensen and Gino often brewed their own beers at home. The family moved to Austin and decided to finally open their own place. They found the Dripping Springs property in 2014, hooked up with now-head brewer Nate Seale, and got started from there." Guess they forgot to mention the former location the had in California that got suspended due to noncompliance with state tax regulations. Hmm....
Now, this is where things start to get interesting regarding the history of both the Ackles and Graul families and business. I mentioned the suspended ftb status that was put on the County Coast Brewing Company before. I also took the liberty of researching LLCs affiliated with Jensen and Danneel and found some similar statuses on previous companies they had incorporated in the past. I elected to put some notes to summarize things like when these companies were voluntarily dissolved (or straight up suspended) in the screenshots below. The Ackles Talent Services, Inc. California branch that was incorporated 6/22/2010 was suspended on 4/2/2013 and also has a forfeited ftb status which translates to the same status that is on the other brewing company that was in Gino Graul's name.
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Looking over Danneel's companies, there is a Talking Poodle Productions, Inc. that holds the status "Inactive action by Secretary of State" that used to read as "Active not in good standing for failure to file annual report". According to this website for 2006 Louisiana laws titled 2006 Louisiana Laws - RS 12:163 — Failure to file annual reports; revocation and reinstatement of articles and limitation on authority to do business with the state, it states the following interesting tidbits of information: "§163.  Failure to file annual reports; revocation and reinstatement of articles and limitation on authority to do business with the state
A.  Where a corporation has failed to designate and maintain a registered office, or to designate and maintain a registered agent pursuant to the provisions of R.S. 12:104, for a period of ninety consecutive days, or where a corporation has failed to file an annual report for three consecutive years, according to the records of the secretary of state, the secretary of state shall revoke the articles of incorporation and franchise of such corporation."
Also, "F.(1)  As used in this Subsection the phrase "not in good standing" means any corporation which is delinquent in filing an annual report.
(2)  Each corporation, domestic and foreign, which is not in good standing is prohibited from engaging in commercial business operation with the state or its boards, agencies, departments, or commissions.  Any contract between a corporation which is not in good standing and the state or its boards, agencies, departments, or commissions is subject to be declared null and void, by said board, agency, department, or commission or by the Division of Administration."
There are of course other parts I didn't put in here for the sake of keeping this post a reasonable length but it seems that the bottom line message is the same here: The Grauls and Ackles have a history of not complying with tax laws and is unlikely they simply forgot to file taxes or annual reports as necessary. Was this to hide questionable financial practices? Are both families hiding unethical behaviors? Are they unable to afford accountants who can properly file all reports with state and federal tax governmental branches appropriately, so they can stay in business? Are these simple, honest mistakes on behalf of the Graul and Ackles' families? Not sure what you all think of this but it is entirely possible with this information here that there are some questionable business practices going on here and that the speculations here about FBBC not doing so good just might have some factual basis.
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Summary: Y/N (stylist!yn) applies to be a styling intern for the One Direction crew during the Where We Are tour. As she gets better at her job and closer to the band and crew (especially Harry Styles), some of her dreams seem to be coming true, but so are some of her fears.
~~~~~
CHAPTER 37
IT'LL NEVER CHANGE ME AND YOU
A/N: I don't even know where to begin. This was my first fanfic ever, and I have loved writing every single part of it! And I am just so, so, so honored that many of you have enjoyed reading it. It means the world to me! Thank you, thank you, thank you! 💗
A big shout-out to all of the beautiful people who listened to my ramblings, let me bounce ideas off of them, and were just all around supportive! I'd list you all but there are just so many. However, I absolutely have to mention my bestie @watermelonsugacry for being here for me since Day 1! 💗
So here it is. The final official chapter of EWTNC! Enjoy, lovies!
💗 Bee xx
~~~~~
>> Warnings: 18+ ONLY: explicit language, fingering, unprotected penetration (birth control), minimal choking, start of 1D hiatus
~~~~~
Dec 13th, 2015 - X Factor Finale
The past weeks have been quite a ride. You and Harry spent a few days in England with both of your families, and then it was off for (what you feel has been) the busiest time for the guys.
It's been endless interviews, such as Jonathon Ross, Ellen, Jimmy Kimmel, The Chatty Man, etc. And a multitude of performances, such as the Royal Variety Live and X-Factor Australia, to name a few. Plus, the AMAs, and the BBC Awards, to top it all off.
You got to meet the infamous Gwen Garcia when she interviewed the boys again, and you recently got to witness Harry get a tattoo on The Late Late Show with James Cordon.
But today… today feels like the wildest one of all. Today is their last performance as One Direction.
You climb onto the bed just as your second alarm goes off and prop yourself up on your elbow, staring at your beautiful boyfriend.
Harry really is so beautiful, and amazing, and you can't believe the journey you've been on since the day you accepted that internship. You would have never guessed this is how it would go.
You smile, and stroke his cheek, placing a gentle kiss on it.
"H… wake up…"
"No." He replies.
"Babe, I've got something for you." You scoot closer and kiss the top of his shoulder.
"What is it?"
"It's a surprise."
"I like the bed too much, can we just stay here?"
"Perfect, this surprise does not involve leaving the bed…" you state, a hint of seduction in your voice.
His eyes shoot open and he immediately turns onto his side. You bite your lip as his gaze slowly travels down your body, taking in the sight of the black lingerie set you snuck on a few moments earlier.
"Fucking hell." He whispers.
"Good morning." You smirk.
"Yes it is." He grins. "What's all this for?"
You prop yourself up more and start to kiss his chest. "Well, I've got this sexy outfit… and a sexy boyfriend…"
"Are you trying to distract me from what today is?"
"Maybe." You reply, sliding your leg over his hips to straddle him, and moving your lips to his neck. "Is it working?"
He places his hands on your thighs, rubbing them up and down. "Maybe."
You slowly begin to grind on him, extracting an intense hiss from his lips.
"It's starting to work." He smirks.
You feel him already hard underneath you, so you move a bit harder and kiss along his jawline. His hands move over your hips and around to your ass, sliding them underneath your panties. You bring your lips to his, not bothering to wait before you slide your tongue inside. He pulls back slightly and exhales deeply.
"Definitely working." He whispers.
You pull your hips up and move one hand down into his briefs to grab his cock, stroking up and down at a leisurely pace.
"Oh my god. Lemme…" He whispers. "Lemme take these off."
He tugs on his briefs, so you swing your leg back off, and help to slide them down his legs. His cock springs out and you can't help biting your bottom lip.
"As sexy as that outfit is… it needs to go." He demands, and you giggle. "Please."
You quickly remove the bra and panties, and straddle him again. You give his cock a few more pumps and line it up with your entrance, looking at him for confirmation before sliding down onto him.
Your head tips back and mouth drops, still always taken back by how thick he feels inside of you. You start to roll your hips and he holds your waist, running one hand up and stopping just under your left breast.
"This looks amazing on you, baby." He begins to gently run his fingers over your new tattoo.
Your glance falls down to watch, as he scans every inch of the thin ink on your ribcage. His gaze travels up to your face, and he smiles when he meets your eyes.
Your body leans down onto him, resting your elbows next to his ears, so your fingers can get tangled in his curls.
You rest your forehead on his, starting to slowly glide up and down on his cock. A breathy moan begins to escape your lips with the motion, and a deep, subtle grunt begins to escape his.
Both of his hands move to your hips, as you slide back down his cock, and he hisses as he pulls you against him even further.
"You feel so good on me." He whispers.
You kiss his neck, then sit back up on him, placing your hands behind you onto his thighs.
"Oh god." He groans out. "S-so… so good."
He grabs your hips tighter and bucks up into you with his own, both moving at a steady pace to keep in rhythm with each other.
"Fuck. I need it faster baby." He moans. "Can I?"
"Yes."
Right then, he begins to thrust up with force, your bodies slamming together as he pulls you down onto him and gets even deeper.
"Oh my god." Your mouth drops open and your eyes squeeze shut.
"Yeah… that's it, that's… that's good." He moans out. "Right there, right?"
"Yes. Fuck. Yes." You reply, leaning forward again and grabbing the headboard behind him, tilting your head back as you feel him completely within you, each one of his movements providing the perfect amount of pleasure.
He slowly runs his right palm up against your skin, stroking your butterfly tattoo with his thumb, and cupping your left breast.
You let out a subtle exhale, which causes him to thrust up harder into you, and moan out.
"I'm… Harry… I'm close…" You begin to pant.
"Me… fuck…" He moans out loudly. "Me too."
He begins to thrust harder and deeper, reaching the very back with ease, and every sense inside you is heightened as he thrusts in, and pulls out.
His grunts become deep, and labored with his breathing.
"Fuck, Y/N… it feels so… fucking… good."
"Yeah… it… oh god…"
"Shit. I can't wait, baby… fuck!" He grabs your hips to hold you down, as his movements become sloppy. "Y/N…"
"Close!"
"God, baby, I… Fuck. Fuck!" He moans out, slamming into you once more, and again. "Oh! Fuck!"
With one last, deep thrust up, he spills into you and you feel the rush of his release filling you up. He continues to move in and out, maintaining his fast pace as he works through his orgasm and brings you to your own.
"Harry! I'm gonna…"
"Go on, baby."
"Oh god. Oh my god!"
He grabs your chin and points it down to him as your mouth drops open. You keep your eyes fixated on him as your walls squeeze tight and body releases onto his cock.
"Fuck." You giggle, falling down onto him, with your face burrowing in his neck. Your chests are rising and falling together as you both come down.
"I could do that forever." He chuckles, and you push yourself up slightly to see a mischievous smirk on his face.
You kiss his jaw, the corner of his mouth, then the center of his lips. He pulls you back, running one hand through your hair and tucking some strands behind your ear.
"I want more." He exclaims, biting his lower lip and running his hands up and down your waist.
"Really?"
"M'never gonna get enough of you… "
You giggle.
"But can I get some more right now?
"Okay."
He sits himself up, grabbing around your waist, and flipping you over onto your back. His lips immediately meet that spot on your neck that is just for him, and makes his way to your earlobe.
"You're so good to me." He whispers.
No words escape your lips, just a sweet moan, as he reaches his fingers down and circles your clit.
"Safe?"
"Yes, H. Please." You plead.
Without hesitation, he slides his fingers into you and slowly pulls them back out. With the sensitivity from your orgasm still lingering, you let out a louder moan as you grab his shoulders, causing him to pump his fingers faster.
"Oh my god." You breathe out. "Feels… so good."
He pumps in and out, still kissing your neck, then in and out again.
"M'already hard again." He smirks. "Are you ready?"
You nod.
He pulls his fingers out, grabbing his cock and rubbing his tip against your wet entrance before gently pushing in.
He moans loudly and your hands reach up for his hair.
He rests one hand by your ear, as the other grabs your hip, and he pushes himself in faster. You feel every inch of him inside of you, every single part of his cock gliding against your walls. Every moment of pressure when his tip hits all the way inside of you.
You can see the sweat glistening around his forehead, and his necklaces dangling in front of you, as some curls come loose from his bun. You can see the muscles of his chest quickly rise and fall with each motion, and his gaze fixated on the spot where he's entering you.
You can't get enough of him either, and decide to ask for something new.
"H-... Harry…" you whisper.
"Yeah."
"Can… oh god… mmm… can we try something?"
"Yeah."
You slide one hand down his shoulder, and his arm, until you grab the hand that was holding your hip. He shifts his weight as you slide it up your body. His breathing is quickening even more as it moves against your skin and stops at the base of your neck.
"Just… just a little… hold it just a little?" You breathe out, moving it slightly over your neck.
"Oh fuck." He moans out. "Are… are you sure?"
You nod. "Yes. I'm sure. Please."
You close your eyes as you let go and throw your hands above your head.
"Safe, baby?"
"Mhmm."
He holds his hand gently in place and quickly moves his other, grabbing onto yours above your head, making sure a majority of his weight is focused on that arm.
"Oh god, yes." You moan.
"Fuck, Y/N." He starts thrusting in harder, and deeper, hitting the back of you with each motion.
"Oh my god."
"Yes, baby! Feel good?"
"Yes. Yes."
He grunts deeper as he removes his hands from yours and grabs onto the headboard, giving him more leverage to thrust with even more ferocity.
"Yes. Oh my god. Yes."
"Fuck… so fucking good!"
"Harry… oh my-..."
"Baby, so… fucking good."
"I'm… go-... I'm gonna…"
"Cum baby… cum..."
"Oh… fuck, Harry."
You grab onto his wrist and buck up your hips, as every inch of you is filled with a sensational pleasure.
"Yes! Oh my-... yes!"
Your walls squeeze him tightly as your orgasm hits, and he moans out deeply.
"M'so close." He grunts. "So… fucking… fuck!"
He thrusts in deep for the last time as he squeezes his eyes shut and his mouth drops open. You feel every drop of his release fill you up as he breathes his way through it.
As you both start to come down, he opens his eyes and meets yours, displaying a wide grin across his face, and removes his hand from your throat.
"Did you like it?"
"A lot!" You admit, biting your lower lip.
"I love you so fucking much." He states, leaning down for a kiss. Your hands grab his face as your lips move with his, and you moan against his mouth before pulling away.
"I love you too."
"Round three?" He chuckles.
"No fucking way." You reply, shaking your head. "You've gotta be able to perform tonight."
"Oh, I'll perform-"
"That's not what I meant." You roll your eyes.
He bites his lower lip and gives you one more kiss. He pushes himself up and slowly pulls out of you. He rolls to the side and lays on his back next to you.
"Don't wanna go out there if I can get this all day."
"Yes you do." You turn onto your side, propping yourself up on your elbow and running your other hand through his hair. "You want to go out there."
"Yes." He sighs. "I do."
~~~~~
"Alright, Rockstar. What's the big news?" You ask, sitting on the couch in his dressing room, slightly trying to avoid seeing anyone else and being completely enveloped in sobbing.
"Well, I, umm…" He clears his throat and sits down next to you, taking your hand in his. "I've been talking to Harry Lambert…"
"A legend. Yes."
"Right." He chuckles. "And, umm, well, he sort of wants to be my stylist for future stuff."
You stare blankly into his eyes, not really knowing what this means for you. You have decided to take a break from working, have some time off vacationing and just being with Harry, and figure out what it is that you really want to do next.
"Okay…"
"Well, I… umm… I told him about my amazing and talented girlfriend…"
"Oh?" Your heart starts to race, still unsure what this means.
"And that you're a stylist…"
"Harry! For fucks sake! Get to the point!"
"He wants to work with you. Or, umm, you work with him. While he… works with me, I guess."
"I'm sorry." Your mouth drops open and you feel like your brain may have just glitched. "What the hell did you just say?"
"Harry Lambert wants you to work for him as part of my styling team." He grins, squeezing your hand as you continue to just stare.
"I…"
"Would you want to do that?" He asks, suddenly furrowing his brow.
"I…"
"I mean, I know there's the whole 'don't mix business with pleasure' or whatever, but we've already broken that rule, a long time ago!" His serious expression fades and he lets out a laugh.
"But…" You clear your throat. "Is he giving me the job because I'm your girlfriend?"
Harry sits up straight and his serious expression returns. "No, Y/N. I told him you helped me pick out my suit for tonight. I told him about all the times you've tried to get me to dress outside the box. He really does want to work with you."
"Are you being serious? You're not joking? This is real?"
"F'course! I wouldn't lie about this!"
"Holy shit!" You lunge over to him, wrapping your arms around him and nuzzling your face into his neck. "Harry, I… this is… thank you!"
He kisses your temple and grabs your shoulders, pulling you back and looking you right in the eyes.
"You deserve this." He states, and your eyes respond by forming a few tears.
[Better get used to it because it definitely won't be the last time it happens today]
Your hands cup his cheeks as your gaze drops to his lips, and you slowly lean in closer for a tender kiss. One of his hands moves to the back of your head, raking his fingers through your hair for a moment before resting his palm on it and pulling you in deeper.
"Shit. Don't hate me." You hear, causing Harry to immediately pull back, and frown, as he refuses to look anywhere but your eyes.
"I can't even believe how many times this has happened…" Harry mumbles. "Yes, Niall?"
"S'just that I wanted to tell ya… the boys wanna have, uh, a last huddle before we go on stage."
"Now?" Harry asks, raising an eyebrow in Niall's direction.
"No, I'd say, maybe forty minutes?"
"Okay, so… I have time to hang out with my girlfriend before I get ready?"
"Guess so." Niall agrees.
"Alright, I'm just letting you know, m'here with Y/N right now, and I'll be there in forty minutes, so you don't need to come back…"
You smack Harry's arm. "Harry don't be a dick."
He turns back to you and peppers a few kisses you on the cheek, causing you to giggle.
"Right. Sorry Nialler." He winks towards his friend.
"M'so happy you two are together. Thanks to me f'course. I can't wait for you two to get hitched and make those babies!" He laughs. "You won't stop me then, m'gonna be around for that f'sure!"
"Oh my god, Nialler. Is that all life can be after One Direction? Marriage and babies?" You laugh loudly, shaking your head.
"You know I want to, right?" Harry states, looking over to you with a genuinely serious expression, as your head snaps over towards his.
"Oh shit! Is it happening right now?" Niall asks excitedly.
Harry growls, but displays a smirk on his face. "No, Niall. But respectfully, get out!"
"Alright… m'gonna go…" Niall utters, quickly turning around and jogging out the door.
"Sunshine, m'not gonna promise when it'll happen, but I can promise that I plan on marrying you someday." He grins. "The near future is so uncertain right now, like, just with my career and stuff, and I want to get a handle on those things, but… I want you in my future."
"Holy shit." You mumble, attempting to swallow the lump in your throat. "And… you really want… babies…?"
"Are you joking? Mini Y/Ns running around? Absolutely!" He smiles, showing off that amazingly distracting dimple. "I want it all with you. I mean it when I say that I love you, always."
"I love-..." You try to respond, but are overtaken by your racing heart and labored breathing, and words seem to be disappearing before they can leave your lips.
"Unless… unless you don't want to…" his head drops low and he winces, seemingly preparing for an answer that he doesn't want to hear.
[You've seen that face before, and you plan on never seeing that face again]
"What?" You lift his chin to meet your eyes. "Harry, I do! I want it all. With you!"
He immediately grabs your face and places the most passionate kiss on your lips. He pulls back, only enough to rest his forehead on yours, as he lets out a relieved breath and smiles.
"M'gonna marry you, Y/N. You're the love of my life, and I want you in it forever."
"And I will be."
"I love you, Sunshine. Always."
I love you too, Rockstar." You smile, staring into the seemingly sparkling eyes. "Never a question."
~~~~~
Gathered around in a huddle, you watch as the each guy says a few words to the other three, and you smile as you lean against the wall.
You feel a nudge on your shoulder and look to see Natalie leaning next to you.
"Life's gonna be dull after this." She states, a subtle shakiness to her voice. "I'm gonna miss it."
You take a large gulp as you try to keep yourself together. Not that you're afraid to show the emotion, but you don't want to miss these last moments with them. The last moments of calm before they take the stage. The last moments of encouragement to each other to do their best. The last moments of sharing a bond with each other that only those four could understand.
[These thoughts are really not helping you to keep it together]
"As crazy as this was, and as crazy as they are… I'm definitely gonna miss it." She adds.
"Nat…" You clear your throat. "Thanks for getting me here."
Her head shoots over to yours, with a confused look on her face. "You got us here, honey, this whole thing was your idea."
"What?"
"You asked Heather about internships, you encouraged me to apply with you. You got scared for a minute, yeah, and I just encouraged you further…" She grabs your hand. "But this was all because of you! You wanted to take the leap, not me."
"Huh." You furrow your brow and your eyes drop to the floor, as you process what you were just told.
"You were always bolder than what you gave yourself credit for. And look where it got us… where it got you." You look up as she points over to the guys, and the surrounding area backstage.
Harry's eyes flicker over to you and he smiles, quickly turning them back to the group after a moment.
Your heart flutters. Not just because of Harry, but because of all of them. Because of the whole experience. And because you got to share it with her.
"Thank you for always being by my side, Nat." You utter, squeezing her hand back as you turn to see her glassy eyes.
"Thanks for always having that spot open for me." She replies, and tiny tears fall from each of your cheeks.
You purse your lips and let out a deep breath as you both turn back to the boys.
They pat each other on the back and Louis suddenly points to the both of you.
"Oi, ladies, get over 'ere!"
"No, this is your thing." You state.
"No… this is our thing. It includes you now." Liam replies.
You and Natalie push off the wall and walk over to the group. Louis holds his arm out to you, and you squeeze in between him and Niall, standing across from Harry.
He gives you a wink, and puts his arm around Natalie as she scoots up next to him and Liam.
You see him bend down closer to her, mouthing 'I knew you didn't hate me', and making her roll her eyes. She looks up to him and whispers back 'it was only for a moment'.
[Okay… okay… no tears yet, Y/N…]
"Well… I'd just like to say…" Niall stutters, clearing his throat.
"Bloody hell, Niall, it doesn't have to be a speech!" Louis exclaims. "We love you, ladies. We've got along with our crew b'fore, but you two are family now. And that won't change."
[Not… yet… hold… on…]
"You've been amazing since day one." Liam adds.
"And we love you." Niall clears his throat again, and turns to you. "So much."
"Fuck you all, I hate crying." Natalie whispers with a chuckle and squeezes the guys next to her. "Love you too."
"Haz?" Niall asks, causing everyone to look his way.
"I… shit… Well I…" He looks at you with a closed lip smile, turns to Natalie with the same expression, and then drops his gaze to the floor. "Shit. I can't. I love you both."
"Especially Y/N…" Louis jokes, making kissing noises and everyone else joins in.
"You're all idiots." Harry chuckles.
"Alright. Well, that's that then." Niall states quickly.
"What the fuck? What about me?" You reply.
"Oh no. M'not letting you say anything."
"What? Why?"
"I can't be sobbing on stage, Superstar!"
"Too fucking bad!" You exclaim. "And I'm giving a fucking speech, Tommo!"
He lets out a sigh and squeezes you into him. "Fine."
[Damn it. What can you even say that sums this whole thing up?]
You grab onto Louis' and Niall's waists, your eyes meeting each of theirs for a few moments before you finally manage to form some words.
"I am so proud of you guys." You clear your throat as the first hint of tears, completely disobeying you, start to form at the corners of your eyes. "I am so grateful that I got to witness even a small sliver of this journey you've been on. Thank you for letting me, us, be a part of it."
Your gaze drops to the ground and you cough to clear the lump in your throat.
"This has been the best time of my life." You add.
"Damn." Natalie chuckles. "That was good."
The six of you squeeze in for a big group hug, sniffles coming from you and all your friends.
You pull away, straighten up, and scan the faces of your favorite boy band.
"Now go out there and make Simon fucking weep or something!" You laugh, quickly joined by the rest of them.
Louis turns to you and shrugs his arms, reaching out for a hug.
"You're the best, Y/N, seriously. Bonded for life, yeah?" He grins.
"Yeah! Who else am I gonna prank people with, Tommo?" You chuckle, tightening your hug as he kisses your cheek and pulls away.
"Partners in crime, love. You 'n me!" He winks, and walks over to Natalie.
Liam comes up next and wraps one arm around your shoulders. "Alright, darling, I'm not saying goodbye, because that's ridiculous. We'll have lunch and stuff when we're in the same place."
"I'm holding you to that."
"I'll buy the first one." He smiles, letting go and moving away.
Niall, hands in his pockets, shuffles over to you. "I can't do this with ya."
"Niall…"
"Don't do it. Don't you start crying on me!" He points his finger as he moves closer.
"We're gonna see each other all the time! Right?" You sniffle, reaching out for a hug.
"Oh, loads! You're one of m'best friends. Plus I like getting Harry all riled up. S'fun." He giggles. "But I guess m'gonna have to learn to dress m'self!" He states, letting out the huge, famous 'Niall laugh'.
You shake your head and kiss his cheek, before pulling away. He takes a deep breath, and you can see the tears starting to gather in his eyes.
You help straighten out his sleek, dark suit and maroon tie. "There… made you beautiful." You state, giving him a wink.
He turns around and makes his way to get set up with his earpieces.
Harry slinks his way over to stand right in front of you.
"You know, I am grateful that you got to be a part of this too." He places a soft kiss on your forehead before resting his own against it. "But it definitely wasn't a small part, Sunshine."
He holds your face in his hands, sending heat through your cheeks, as he gazes at your lips. You bite your bottom one, and he quickly leans in to kiss them.
You reach your hands over and grab his biceps, causing him to smile against your mouth.
You pull away and stare into his beautiful, comforting green eyes, and your butterflies come alive. You doubt they will ever leave at this point.
[There's a reason you got that tattoo]
"This is gonna be a bit weird isn't it?" You ask.
"A bit, yeah. But…" he places another tender kiss on your lips. "I have you…" and another kiss. "So I actually don't care what else happens. I love you."
One more kiss is placed and a sound tech is calling him over to get prepped to go on stage.
"Always." He grabs your hand and walks you with his as he grabs his earpiece.
"Never a question."
You look up at him, admiring everything about him and finally allowing yourself to embrace every emotion this moment is providing for you both.
"You lot know we'll see each other after the show though, yeah?" Louis laughs, seeing everyone nod through their tears.
"You look beautiful by the way." He states, stroking the arm of your black and white puff sleeve blazer.
"So do you! Rockstar vibes for sure!" You wink, taking another look at his floral red Gucci suit. "Now get to work, Mr. Styles!"
They engage in their pre-performance chant, one last time, and you see each one take a deep breath before walking out together.
You quickly make your way around backstage and out into the audience, finding your seat in the front row next to Natalie, slightly to the side of where Harry will be.
You fidget with your necklace as you sit through the announcer's introduction of a video that has been specially made for One Direction.
Multitudes of people appear on the screen, each individually congratulating them on an amazing five years together, expressing their love for them, and making jokes to -at least for you- lighten and distract from the sad mood of the moment.
You glance over at the guys, whose arms are wrapped around each other's waists, and you grab Natalie's hand.
"I'm not gonna make it through this." You chuckle.
"I'm already not." She replies, and you turn towards her to see her already tear soaked cheeks.
"For fucks sake, Nat. If you're already gone then there's no chance for me!"
As the video wraps up, the guys turn back around. You giggle as you see Niall joke that he needs a drink after watching it.
[You'll need one or three after this]
You bring your hands to your chest, over your heart. It is thudding so strongly. It truly sinks in that you are about to watch their last performance together. You let a sharp inhale in as the rhythmic clapping on the backup track starts and everyone immediately joins in.
Harry starts off the song.
(History)
You gotta help me
I'm losing my mind
Keep getting the feeling,
you wanna leave this all behind
Thought we were going strong
I thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
You know this song isn't about you, but you start to think about your own journey with these guys.
No, they don't teach ya
This is school
Now my heart's breaking
and I don't know what to do
Thought we were going strong
I thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
You left this once. You left them once. And it was actually the hardest thing to do.
You and me got a whole lot of history
We can be the greatest team
That the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history
So don't let it go
We can make some more
We can live forever
You are so glad you came back. It ended up being the best decision you've ever made. You love them. You love them all.
All of the rumors
All of the fights
But we always find a way
to make it out alive
Thought we were going strong
Thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
As they enter into the chorus again, tears are trickling down your cheeks. Streaming down your face, actually. Harry looks over to you and then starts singing with Niall. Watching, admittedly, your two favorite guys, you completely lose it. You can barely finish singing the rest of the chorus, your voice being held back by the lump in your throat.
Mini bars, expensive cars,
hotel rooms, and new tattoos
And the good champagne,
and private planes,
They don't mean anything
'Cause the truth is out, I realize
that without you here life is just a lie
This is not the end
This is not the end
We can make it, you know it, you know
They aren't just famous singers to you, they are your friends, and your family.
[Those four have changed your life forever]
You and me got a whole lot of history
We could be the greatest team
that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history
So don't let it go
We can make some more
We can live forever
[You'll always have them]
You and me got a whole lot of history
We could be the greatest team
that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history
So don't let it go
We can make some more
We can live forever
[Harry has changed your life forever]
So don't let me go
So don't let me go
We can live forever
[And you'll always have him]
Baby don't you know
Baby don't you know
We can live forever
[Forever]
~~~~~
Fast Forward
July 13th, 2017 - Dunkirk Premiere
"Y/N, lady, hold still."
"Yeah. Kind of a little nervous here, Lou."
"It's just a movie premiere…" Natalie chuckles.
"Then you do it!"
"Oh I would, except my man isn't the one starring in a World War 2 movie." She smirks.
There's a knock at the door, and Natalie walks over to answer it.
"Hello, ladies. Am I allowed to see her?" That sultry British accent asks.
"That's for weddings, you dope. You're allowed to see your lady before a movie premiere." She chuckles and she lets him in.
"I've done neither, Nat. How would I know?" He rolls his eyes as he makes his way behind you, twirling you around from the mirror to look you up and down. He scans every inch of your fully beaded red fitted gown.
"God, you're gorgeous!" He exclaims. "Can we have a minute alone, ladies?"
Natalie and Lou look at each other and scowl as they make their way to the door.
"Don't fucking mess up any of my work, Styles, or I will come for you!"
They close the door behind them and he pulls you in by your waist.
"You really do make that dress work, Y/N." He utters, placing the most gentle kiss on your lips.
"And you are really working that suit, Mr. Styles! I'm glad Lambert picked those shoes." You reply, looking from his dark blue-green Gucci suit, white shirt, and down to his red embroidered boots.
"We look perfect together." Another gentle kiss placed on your lips.
"Well hopefully it'll distract from the intense sweat that'll be dripping down my face and arms." You state, fidgeting with your necklace as you timidly look up to him.
"Are you nervous?" He asks, his brow furrowing with concern.
"Yes! I've never done this before!" You shake your head. "Harry, there's a lot of cameras and I'm not anyone important. Not enough to walk the carpet for a movie premiere! You don't need to bring me along with you, I can just go inside with your mom."
"I'll never push you to do it if you're not comfortable." He holds up your chin. "But I asked you to do it because you are important. To me. And I always love when you're by my side."
Both his hands drop down to both of yours, and he gives your left one a kiss.
"Plus, we'll have some nice professional photos of us as a couple." He smirks.
"We'll have plenty of those." You smile and shake your head.
"So do you want to go with me?"
"Yes. I want to go with you."
"Great! 'Cause I can't not take you out looking like that!" He moves his hands to your body, sliding them down to your ass. "Fucking gorgeous."
"Lou was serious. She will kill you…"
"We better leave now then."
~~~~~
"Are you ready, Sunshine?"
"Yes."
"Thank you for being here with me." He grins, showing off that beautiful, and persuasive dimple.
"Anytime, Rockstar." You wink, taking a deep breath as the driver opens the car door for Harry. He steps out of the car, walking around the back and giving a two-fingered wave to the cameras and fans, buttoning up his jacket.
He makes his way to your door, and grabs your hand as it opens. As soon as your feet touch the ground, flashes and screams erupt, and you almost fall back in surprise.
Harry instantly interlaces his fingers with yours as you are both led around to the start of the walkway.
A coordinator walks up and leans closer to Harry to speak over the noise.
"Mr. Styles, we'll have you walk up ahead to take some solo photos and sign some autographs, and once you make it to the prop plane up ahead, Miss Y/L/N may join you for more of photos and some interviews. It's your choice which of those she can stand with you for."
"Are you serious?" He furrows his brow. "All of them."
You look up to see him smile and he squeezes your hand once more before letting go and walking ahead.
You stay back with his manager, Jeff, and a security guard as you watch with admiration at how Harry handles the overwhelming demands from paparazzi and adoration from fans.
[He's good at everything he does]
As you slowly move down the carpet behind him, you see a few young girls at the front of the barricade waving in your direction. You are concerned you are too close to another actor so you look around quickly to find where you should be standing instead, but don't see anyone except the other two of Harry's entourage.
You turn back to them and realize they are waving at you. Your heart stops for a moment. This time you don't feel worried, like you did a couple of years ago. This time you just feel honored.
There wasn't an official announcement, that just felt weird, but you have been photographed together a lot since the hiatus - holding hands, getting a quick kiss on the forehead or cheek, etc. And Harry has never been concerned about it like he was before. He likes being able to take you out, and be seen with you.
You give those girls a quick wave, and a subtle smile appears on your face as they jump up and down in response.
[You didn't realize it could feel so nice to be acknowledged by his fans]
As soon as Harry comes close to the prop plane, he turns around and walks back a few steps to grab your hand.
"This feels much better, thank you." He chuckles, leading you in front of the plane, as a background for more paparazzi.
His arm wraps around your waist, and he effortlessly moves his gaze around for everyone to get their chance at a photo.
"You still alright?" He asks, squeezing your waist.
"Definitely." You quickly reply, feeling a flutter in your heart, as you feel so safe in his arms.
After a minute or two more, he holds your hand again as you move onto the area for interviews.
You attempt to let go and stand off to the side, but he holds on tighter and gently pulls you in close.
"Stay with me, please" He whispers. "I don't wanna let go of this moment."
A pink hue rushes to your cheeks and your butterflies return, as you simply nod your head.
He walks over to the first interviewer, who politely acknowledges you before the camera turns on, then proceeds to ask questions about Harry's role in the movie.
The next few are the same, with some commenting on Harry's fame being a factor in the movie's success. His fingers are interlaced with yours the entire time, with his thumb occasionally rubbing along your skin, as he answers more questions.
"Hi. How are you?" He greets the next interviewers as one gets straight into her questions.
"How does it feel to have a movie premiere like this that you're such a key part of?" She asks.
You turn to Harry as he begins to answer, but his words are not what you are able to focus on. Your eyes gaze over his face. His shorter but still curly locks, his gorgeous eyes, his amazing smile, and his seductively deep dimples. You admire the passion you see as he speaks about the film he has been a part of. His focus is in the movie and never on himself. You're in awe of who he is and how he handled himself with all of this. And you get to be the one by his side.
[You're glad you came, you don't want to be anywhere else]
You're snapped out of your thoughts when you hear the next question.
"What about the 1D guys? Have they been very supportive? Have they sent you gifts? Best wishes?" The other interviewer asks.
You quickly hide a smile under your free hand, knowing that Niall threatened to show up today and help you get ready. 'To return the favor of always making him beautiful', were his words.
"They have been very supportive actually. Yeah, umm, I was talking to them today, kind of saying that they were excited to see the film and everything, so yeah. It's been a lot of fun."
"And what about this lovely lady beside you?" She asks, motioning in your direction.
"Y/N is my biggest fan!" He turns to you and grins, squeezing your hand yet again. "She's actually the one who encouraged me to do the movie, so I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her."
"We love that. We love that." She looks down at your hands linked together and smiles, looking back up to the both of you. "And I know that you two don't go out of your way to show off your relationship to the world, but…"
You gulp, not knowing what to except the next part of the question to be.
"But I can see something that is very telling." She points down. "Can I… would I be able to take a look?"
You both bring your hands up a bit, still gripping tightly to each other, and she gasps.
"That certainly is a beautiful engagement ring!" She exclaims.
"Thank you." You reply, dropping your hands and noticing Harry looking over to you, adoringly.
"So you are getting married!"
"Yes." You say in unison.
"When is the wedding?"
Harry runs his thumb over the band of your ring as he pulls his lips inward.
"Umm… it'll be soon. Relatively soon." He shrugs. "We're not really sharing the details 'bout it."
"Like I said, you two don't go out of your way to share your relationship with the public." She nods.
"Yeah, we're not trying to totally hide our relationship. We just like our moments together to be ours, and focused on each other. That's all." He glances over to you and then back to her. "Umm, but she's one of the most important people to me, f'course, y'know, I gave her the ring…"
He gives you a quick kiss on your temple, and lets out a quiet, smiling sigh.
"She's always been my biggest fan, biggest supporter… besides my mum…" He smirks. "So I just wanted her here with me for this. Umm, yeah. She's also part of the team that styled me for this so I'm really thankful she's here tonight."
The ladies swoon over his answer, and he squeezes your hand once again. After one last question about the filming process, the interview ends and the two of you move to the front of the theater, standing for a couple more photos.
He gives you a kiss on the cheek, and you both make your way into the theater. He pulls you to the side and gazes longingly into your eyes, beaming with a grin, which causes your breath to hitch.
"I'm proud to have you here with me." He smiles.
"I'm proud to be here with you, H, and I never wanna be anywhere else."
He shuts his eyes with a wide, tight-lipped smile, and takes in a big breath. He grabs your face, bringing you in for a quick kiss, pulling back just enough to look back into your eyes.
"I love you, Sunshine. Always."
"I love you too, Rockstar. Never a question."
"And… it'll never change…"
"Yeah…"
"Me and you."
"Oh my god."
~~~~~
the end.
~~~~~
Series Masterlist || Chapter 36
Taglist: @watermelonsugacry @tw1nflamebruis3 @slut4lilyrose @pinktakeaway @hopefulwastelandcreation @tenaciousperfectionunknown @his-only-angel-1989 @queenmadi2 @runway-to-my-aid @theekyliepage @be-yourss @harryistheonlyoneforme @b-reads-things @behindmygreyeyes @michellekstyles @a-strange-familiar @yousunshineyoutempter @buckybarnessimpp @little-freak-satellite @msolbesg @sleutherclaw @katiebaxterrrrrr @percysaidnever @thatbitch2828 @mrspeacem1nusone @thurhomish @sushiabby @woanderry @harrystylesrecs @robotrry
210 notes · View notes
Hello I’m a Larry but I feel like they broke up a couple of years ago. I’ll also say I’m more of a Harrie and his music makes me believe he’s been in other relationships. But I’m also willing to be convinced otherwise!! The hopeless romantic in me wants to believe in the strength of their love so I guess my question is what evidence have you gathered that makes you believe they’re still together even now? I know this might be a lot to ask. Thanks in advance !!!
I’m this close to grabbing a digital pen and correct Larry to Larrie. (Did you know it’s one of the signs of having trolls in the dungeon)
Anyway. I do want to answer.
Life. Dear anon. It’s life that taught me everything. Do tell me when you time their break up - because I’ve been here since more than “a couple of years ago” - i know it’s super easy to throw this sentence - but you’re telling this to someone who has been here lol - and I wasn’t in my diapers on the playground when these 2 fell in love. So when do you time their break up? Because you know they’ve lived half their lives in the spotlight, in this industry and time and time again -let’s just say day-by-day week-by-week only proved the immense respect, and love they feel for each other. We’ve had these naysayers like you in the years, so this is nothing new but you know what? None of you are ever able to point out a period which proves that these 2 have broken up.
This is not a movie or high school. They have fought tooth and nail for their love, for their freedom, they “hid” it when they had to, but even then- jeez it gives me chills to remember all those moments- even then an eye movement, a caring look, a hidden touch, the other’s reaction- it just gave it away. And not to mention how fucking obvious they were when they didn’t hide it and just let it all out.
Life. Because I happen to be in a loving and supportive relationship since 2007. Because love isn’t a break up - getting together- break up- getting together spiral. Love is about trust, and respect, and growing together, being better together, finding your best friend in the other, it’s about fighting for what you two have together. That’s what they did when they were babies - fighting w modest, sony, whatever you want to add here. They don’t need to fight though because as soon as the cameras stop rolling they’re an out-couple to the surprise of no-one in this industry.
Life because we have 5 people in the same band and always these 2 seem to be so goddamn unlucky to share clothes ON A CONSTANT (to be PC), who finish each other’s sentences, who when even making eye contact making the other 3 look aside to their handlers with a pale face, always these 2 who in the band disappeared at the same time, who even AFTER 1D were still disappearing from the globe at the same time and reappearing at the same time, who had to have 235 stunts running at the same time to make them straight otherwise if you strip these stunts down all you have is two singers w constant denial of their sexuality. (Remember what Sir Elton John said..), it’s only these 2 whose teams work still to this day to make you and others believe H and L aren’t even in the same continent because god save them from cutting all their record incomes.
Life. Because WHY. You cannot explain why this happened in 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 (you’re damn right I’ll type all the years out), 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021 and keeps happening in 2022 spring- summer.
Life. Because you learn what is THE LOOK. What it means that “when you know you know”. Because you learn that 16 year olds don’t just utter things out like always and moving in together and home. Because it IS possible to be and still be with your first love.
Life. Because relationships do not have an expiration date, because it can happen, because it does happen. Because those looks and touches were the very thing that drew me here in the first place and you cannot fake this shit.
Life. Because you can be w your SO together for years and they’d still say they’re not willing to have ONE innocent couple tattoo.
Life. Because celebrities lie. Money talks. Paps are paid. This industry is homophobic. Media shows what is paid for. What you see - they want you to see that.
Life. Because you learn to look at what you’re not shown, what you’re not told.
Life. Because in the 242 million pregnancies people have a year, they DO show at 8 months. 🙃
And finally: Because they’ve come so far from Princess Park and that lyric fits no one and he’s a habit that he CAN’T BREAK and he’s happy to shout this out every night to his fans anon.
Life. Because the strength of these words, all their goddamn lyrics goes deep in your heart and you know it’s not just some cheap 1000 words Y/N on goddamn wattpad.
Have a nice Saturday anon! 💚💙
317 notes · View notes
sleepanonymous · 7 months
Text
Look at this twice-broken scarlet dismay Cigarette smile at the end of the day You're a mess, no Falling to pieces at best Throw stones at the mirror
Here's an example of why you should try To distance yourself from the notion of Falling in love so unnecessarily Laid low by thinking it over
Fear has an eight-legged weakness You've got to settle the scores Scream and climb up on a chair You're afraid of what you've become You're afraid of what you've become...
Spinning a web comes with no guarantees With every word that runs under the carpeting My guess is you're getting desperate To hide this stigma of yours Suddenly I understand what you said About having eyes in the back of your head but I just don’t get the way you act like a trap set waiting to spring
Fear has an eight-legged weakness You've got to settle the scores Scream and climb up on a chair You're afraid of what you've become You're afraid of what you've become...
The moral of this story captured at last Under the mouth of an overturned glass And it’s time to stop telling me you've been lied to I already know
Fear has an eight-legged weakness You've got to settle the scores Scream and climb up on a chair You're afraid of what you've become...
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ALSO on the subject of spiders, here's a bit from a clickbait article he wrote in 2015. What a jerk 😤 (affectionate).
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chictape · 1 year
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Gigi Hadid // Guess Spring 2015
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Kaiju Week in Review (November 20-26, 2022)
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Megumi Odaka, best known as psychic Miki Saegusa from the Heisei Godzilla series, retired from acting in 2000 due to health issues and disappeared from the public eye for a decade. The narration she contributed to Godzilla vs. Gigan Rex was her first role since then, and she's finally ready to go back in front of the camera. 3Y Film (The Great Buddha Arrival, Nezura 1964) has a new kaiju movie in the works, Hoshi 35, which Odaka is set to star in. Since it's a 3Y joint, and part of a celebration of the 35 years since her acting debut, expect it to get meta. As usual, Hiroko Yokokawa is directing; another key player is Daisuke Sato (Howl from Beyond the Fog), who will serve as director of special effects, cinematographer, and suitmaker (with Tomoya Ayaki).
3Y productions are known for bringing back veteran kaiju actors, and Hoshi 35 has already cast several besides Odaka, this time focusing on the Heisei era instead of the Showa era. Jun Hashizume played MOGUERA pilot Koji Shindo in Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla and Kojiro Inaba in Ultraman Z, Daijiro Harada was Mechagodzilla captain Takuya Sasaki in Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II, and Akira Ohashi stepped inside Gamera in Gamera 2, Iris in Gamera 3, and King Ghidorah in GMK. He'll be playing another monster in this one, Hoshikuzu. Hiroshi Miyasaka and Yumiko Tanaka will appear as well.
No plot details are currently known. The film is aiming for a October 2023 release date.
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Gridman Universe, the crossover film for SSSS.GRIDMAN and SSSS.DYANZENON, has a new pair of posters and a teaser trailer. It'll hit theaters in Japan on March 24 (and hopefully arrive in the West before the year is out). Excessive fanservice aside, I really enjoyed GRIDMAN, but haven't gotten around to DYNAZENON yet... it aired in Spring 2021, which was a pretty chaotic time to be a Wikizilla editor, and I think I was under the impression it was all mecha, no kaiju. Guess I have to now!
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Veteran Ultra Series director Takeshi Yagi debuted a proof-of-concept short at Tokyo Comic Con called AKARI, which you can also watch online. The story is simple—a giant heroine (Akari) battles a rampaging cyborg kaiju (Pythagodon) in a futuristic, neon city—but Yagi and company have far greater ambitions for it. They created it as part of a course on tokusatsu techniques, and hope to turn it into a feature or series with the funds from that course, as well as other crowdfunding efforts. The story they've drawn up is pretty intriguing: a 2076 Japan where corporations run amok, the AI uprising is at hand, and an alien race who survived their own rogue AI empowers a woman to save the Earth.
Matt Frank designed Akari. Akihiko Iguchi (Mechagodzilla, King Caesar, Titanosaurus) came up with Pythagodon, and boy, you can tell. I hope we haven't seen the last of them.
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One more kaiju short for you to watch: Ivalla the Land Mine Monster: Case of Extra. This one is in more dire need of subtitles to get the full experience, but there's still a quality rampage to witness. From the other videos on the channel, Yuki Kurosu has been working on this for 8 years—props for persevering!
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Godziban squeezed another episode out of Godzilla Festival 2022, this one focusing on the puppet displays and demonstrations at the event and the upcoming Blu-ray-only episodes which will see Bagan make his debut and many others battling it out.
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Kadokawa released a fine video tribute to Gamera for his 57th birthday, which naturally ends by teasing the Netflix project. Interesting that they skipped over the 2015 short though.
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Your reading assignment for the week is Patrick Galvan's excellent tribute to Kazuki Omori for Toho Kingdom, a well-researched overview of his career and analysis of the two Godzilla films he directed.
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likeadevils · 6 months
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based just on song titles, where do you think the vault tracks fall in the writing process of 1989?? i’m curious what your predictions are
"Slut!": I'm guessing this is either an early 2013 track OR a late 2014/maybe even 2015 track. on one hand, there's taylor saying that blank space was a secondary reaction to being slutshamed by the media, on the other hand i can't really find her calling that experience slutshaming until 2016, and i can see that being the kind of thing that takes a person a while to find the language for, especially someone that took a while to call herself a feminist.
Say Don't Go: i'm guessing this is the dianne warren song. it just seems like a title meant to dramatically scream sing in you car, which is very up dianne warren's alley
Now That We Don't Talk: assuming this is about harry (which like, it could be about someone else, but from what i can tell taylor doesn't often return to muses from more than one album cycle ago), i would guess it's written spring/summer 2013? it seemed like they started hanging out again in fall 2013 and then didn't really have another long time without talking to each other until after taylor started dating calvin harris, which, once again muses from more than one album cycle ago thing
Suburban Legends: this feels like a fall 2013 track to me-- obviously similar to blank space and new romantics, but the title seems like its setting up a fairly cynical song, and that's also a through line in wildest dreams and bad blood. if not, i could see it being a january 2013 track, because i really want a haylor song written while haylor was ongoing about the media storm it kicked off
Is It Over Now?: it really depends to me what the "it" in is it over now is, but just because it seems like when she was doing most of her writing, summer 2013
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luciehercndale · 11 months
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True Love Stories Never Have Endings
A belated birthday gift for @emmcarstairs 💜 I tried to put your most favorite ships together in a fan fiction, I hope you like it!
London, Spring 2015
Emma sat on the new parquet of the living room at Blackthorn Hall, sifting through a couple of cream-colored cardboard boxes. She and Julian found them in a closet in the only part of the house that they hadn’t renovated yet, the one dating from the 60’s. Emma wasn’t sure why they’d left that one for last. Perhaps Julian had foresighted that they’d find something valuable in there.
“There are a lot of personal belongings in this wing,” she noticed when they started checking the cupboards and the drawers. “I wonder who lived here? Do you have any idea?”
“I really don’t,” Julian shrugged. “Perhaps a Blackthorn?” he offered, but he thought he would have known. 
“Could your father and uncle might’ve lived here?” Emma wondered, but Julian quickly shook his head. She went back to her box, and found a tiny one with gray stripes on it. Inside, there were a bunch of black and white photographs with the name of the person pictured and the date on the back. In most of the photos there were little kids, three boys and a girl. They looked happy, and they seemed familiar even though they lived a century earlier. “Teddy, Kitty, Willy, Robby,” Emma said out loud, “they were Blackthorns.”
“Blackthorns who named all their children with names ending in -y,” Julian came closer to look at the photos. “I guess it’s a family tradition to follow a theme,” he laughed, thinking about his own family. “Perhaps they inspired the next generations.” He continued his search until he found a box made of wood in one of the drawers of the closet. Some of the blue velvet covering it was coming off, but it was still in good condition. There was a golden inscription on the top, with the Blackthorn family symbol underneath. “L&J, Spring 1908. True Love Stories Never Have Endings.” 
“Wow, this looks old. My parents used to have one too, it belonged to my grandma,” Emma said, suddenly interested in what Julian was looking at. “Who are L&J?”
“Blackthorns?” Julian offered with a shrug, pointing to the circle of thorns on the velvet. “I believe it was them,” he continued after opening the box, where he found a few pictures. The couple pictured could’ve been around their age. “It must have been their wedding day, considering the poses. The girl has a bouquet and this looks like wedding attire, I don’t know,” he showed it to Emma. 
“Lucie and Jesse Blackthorn, May 13, 1908. Our wedding day. You’re right,” Emma read aloud. “There’s even a tiny heart drawn here, how cute,” she smiled. “They must’ve been your great-great-great grandparents, I guess? They look a lot like you and your siblings” she observed the picture better. “I think I remember this guy from one of the portraits at the Los Angeles Institute.”
“I believe he is Rupert’s son,” he said. “They look so much like Livvy and Ty when they were little children,” Julian continued with a faraway expression, pointing a finger on the locket around the girl’s neck. It was the same one Julian had given to Livvy and that now Ty kept. “They must be the reason the Blackthorn family didn’t cease to exist after Rupert died.”
“Indeed,” Emma covered his hand with hers. “And that you’re here, with me, today,” she said lovingly, pressing her lips on his. “So thank you, Lucie and Jesse Blackthorn?”
“We should keep these photographs and memories in a safe place,” Julian nodded. “These are family heirlooms, like the locket,” he showed the two rings he found inside to Emma. They had the same inscription as the top of the box. “I don’t want them to be lost in this ruckus.”
“Smart idea,” she agreed. “Let’s see what more we have here, then.”
London, Spring 1908
It was the day before her much awaited marriage with Jesse, and Lucie was too busy worrying about her vows. Not only the vows she would exchange during the ceremony, but also the ones she would say in front of the guests before the wedding feast. She knew she could’ve just thanked everyone for being there, but as usual, she’d been verbose, as Cordelia had defined her speech. “You need to be more concise, the guests would be starving once you’re done,” she’d suggested. She was probably right, but she still couldn’t help but write half a page of words of affection and gratitude towards her future husband and her guests. They would understand. 
Jesse couldn’t even sit down to eat dinner the evening before the wedding. He asked his aunt Cecily and uncle Gabriel to spend the night at their house in Bedford street. “It’s tradition that I am not to see Lucie the day before the wedding,” he explained. “Dear, traditions are made to be broken,” Cecily said. “You’re just like your uncle Gabriel,” she laughed, and told him that they had been in a similar living arrangement before they got married, and he had done the same. “I went to my brother’s house the night before our wedding,” uncle Gabriel started, and they spent the remainder of the time talking about past memories, trying to ease Jesse’s anxiety. 
Neither he or Lucie could sleep that night, but at least it was all a blur after preparations started early in the morning. Lucie could barely remember her mother and her friends helping her with her hair and dress, before she set for the sanctuary. Nor Jesse could recall the embarrassment he felt realizing his palms were sweaty when he caught sight of the girl he loved walking down the aisle. Lucie didn’t forget her vows, while Jesse had a brief lapse of memory but he quickly remembered the words he had to say. “I’m sorry for earlier,” he told Lucie when they were taking pictures after the ceremony ended. “I was totally dumbstruck,” he confessed shyly.
“No need to apologize,” she muttered with a grin, still blushing. “We made it through, that’s what matters the most, right? ”
“No talking until we take at least five pictures,” said the vampire photographer her father hired. “It takes a few minutes to process these, so stay still and smile for the camera! Don’t you want your descendants to remember you?”
“Of course we do,” Jesse told the guy with a pleasant smile, “but let me kiss my wife before we start.” He glanced at Lucie, and she waited expectantly to be kissed. 
The vampire had to cough to make them stop. “Shadowhunters in love, the things I abhor the most,” he muttered, “I wonder why I accepted this job!”
“To make a living?” Lucie chanced, but the vampire rolled his eyes. “I apologize, that was bad. Please, we’ll behave. We’re eager to have our pictures taken,” she said excitedly. 
The vampire shook his head and muttered how Shadowhunter's sense of humor was of poor taste, but he still took their wedding pictures, preserving their memory to this day.
So, thank you Emma and Julian for remembering your Blackthorn ancestors.
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Hello, I should probably send asks to my mutuals more so here's an interesting one. How/when did you realise you had ADHD and ASD? (I've been pretty sure i had ADHD for about two year now but I'm recently having the revelation of Oh Crap I Might Be Mildly Autistic)
Eeeeeee! *claps hands and does a little dance*
Thank you SO much for giving me the opportunity to dump Personal Lore!
The short version is: Tumblr diagnosis (about 3 years ago for ASD and closer to 8 for ADHD)
Long version under the cut:
Technically, I have been diagnosed with ADHD since the 90s, but! Since I was a small, screaming child with classic "uncontrollable white boy" symptoms, and I was also dealing with the whole Experience™ of growing up as a visibly foreign Third Culture Kid (a term I only learned by reading a book about the Arab Spring entitled My Islam), I never actually learned what ADHD actually was until I had dropped out of art school (circa 2010-ish?) and ridden a greyhound bus to hook up with guys I met playing World of Warcraft four separate times, and then actually moved in with one and had adopted a dog and was discovering Tumblr for the first time.
*considers massive wall of run-on-sentence decides it is thematically appropriate*
I guess the moment it really clicked for me was the first time I saw an article, I think it was on ADDitude about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I don't remember when exactly it was, but it had to be sometime about 2015-2016, because of the room I remember having that realization in. We were in our second apartment, which we had moved to so we could get a dog.
See, while I had been diagnosed as a child and I distinctly remember having pills to take every day, I had by this point already developed an extremely reactive personality. I was smart, and once I could understand the connections between concepts I could basically coast through classes. But I didn't get social stuff and people, and I didn't even know enough to realize there was a thing I wasn't getting.
The adults around me, of course, were just happy I wasn't being violent in class (most of the time), and would generally just leave me to my own devices as much as they could. The downside of this is that nobody tried to teach me about what ADHD actually was , or if they did then it definitely didn't stick.
The autism diagnosis came much later. I was seeing a therapist a few years ago, and she recommended a book to me:
Thinking In Pictures, by Temple Grandin.
It was the first time I had ever even considered the idea that not everyone could visualize things with the degree of detail I could.
(For a vivid example of the kind of GPU my brain has I will say that I have been able to fully visualize some of the cave systems and mineshafts I've spent a lot of hours in while playing Minecraft.)
There was also a documentary about autism/ASD that I remember seeing, not sure when, but one of the subjects being interviewed played The Sims a lot, and had the "ah-ha" moment when she realized that, much like sims, "normal" people get the little + signs over them when they talk to each other and for her that was just not a thing. She did not gain emotional benefit from the act of chatting.
About three (ish) years ago I managed to get myself a proper sit down with a developmental psychologist and sit for a full neuro-psych evaluation, which was basically making my brain jump through a whole bunch of hoops and making some broad statistical conclusions about the discrepancies in various capacities.
Neurotypical brains are, supposedly, generally pretty well balanced. To use one of my favorite analogies: a neurotypical brain is like a factory standard car in that all the parts are designed to work together. The motor and the steering and the transmission are all pretty straightforward. A neurodivergent brain by contrast is more like a frankencar assembled from parts of different vehicles. Engine of a racecar, transmission of a freight truck, brakes of a scooter.
Anyways, the results of my NPE were that I was like 98th percentile smrt at visual logic and just barely scraping by at 50th percentile for processing speed, among other things.
A few years ago I also got in to see an autism specialist who, after a very frustratingly vague phone interview with my parents, concluded that I was very likely autistic on the grounds of questionnaires filled out by me, my little brother, and The Spousal Unit.
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princesssarisa · 1 year
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Guess what? I'm starting a new overview of fairy tale adaptations:
Sleeping Beauty Spring
From now until the end of May, I'm going to watch and write about every screen, stage, and radio adaptation of Sleeping Beauty.
Or to be exact, every version with a "once upon a time" setting, which isn't a parody, which is based on either Charles Perrault's The Sleeping Beauty in the Wood, the Brothers Grimm's Briar Rose, or both, and which is meant for families, not adults. The same rules that applied when I overviewed the various versions of Cinderella, Snow White, Alice in Wonderland, and A Christmas Carol.
First on the list: Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky's classic 1899 ballet The Sleeping Beauty.
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This is a complete performance from the Mariinsky Theatre, 2015.
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