#great now I made myself sad

[rainbow-beanie]

Can’t get over the fact that, if only for the briefest of moments, Simon was actually asleep, the reason I’m bringing this up is cause of the fact that in episode two (technically still episode one if you think about it) Simon didn’t get a wink of sleep. So seeing him finally getting some rest after the shitshow he had experienced, I was really sad that he had been woken up.

He looked so at peace 🥺

Also noticed that he’s positioned in such a way that if someone or something made its way into the barn, he would be the first to know. Call it habit from when he would stay up, back during the aftermath of the great mushroom war when those ooze creatures were still walking around, to protect marcy from any danger.

#great. now I’ve made myself sad #Fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #simon petrikov #fionna campbell #cake the cat #I know that Fionna is an adult who can take care of herself #but those protective instincts are still there

[quietwingsinthesky]

the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they #already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that. #but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did. #and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe. #but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people. #a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part? #but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt. #anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here #theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never #escape. #i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord. #but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s #physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering… #but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong #its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know? #i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond #their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!! #what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly* #human!!! #enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one. #does that make sense?

[purplecyborgnewt]

"Friends. With benefits?"

"Yeah, no, we're not doing that -"

(For the context)

#The Flash #lothario wells #Harry Wells #Cisco Ramon #'would you fuck your clone' #the great(ish) gifening project #edits #well now i made myself sad

[disneynerdpumpkin]

⚠️ Wish Defense Rant Warning ⚠️

ASHA DIDN'T WANT ALL THE WISHES TO BE GRANTED. I can't stress that enough.

Everyone is all like "Asha wanted all the wishes to be granted not all wishes can be granted that's so unrealistic you can't grant everyone's wishes and Magnifico isn't the villain"

Asha didn't want all the wishes to be granted. She VERY CLEARLY stated that she wanted to give the wishes BACK to the people (because Magnifico literally ripped the lives out of them by taking their wishes!). She even SAID that the dangerous wishes could be stopped!

ALL ASHA WANTED WAS TO GIVE THE WISHES BACK TO THE PEOPLE, NOT TO GRANT ALL OF THEM. She wanted all the wishes to have a chance at being granted, not to be granted. And through giving them back, the wishes could then be pursued themselves through their own determination; not relying on Magnifico to grant them.

"Giving the wishes back" and "granting the wishes" are two completely different things!

And not everyone's wishes were even granted at the end of the movie! They were left to pursue them themselves if they chose to do so. It's exactly like what Sabino said; "I may not pursue my wish but it's nice to know that I can."

The plot was not about Asha wanting to grant everyone's wishes. It was about giving them back (because you literally lose a piece of yourself when you give up your wish to Magnifico!!!) and restoring the lives of the people of Rosas.

People are acting like the wishes are like "oh, I wish I can have a ham sandwich for lunch tomorrow" Like no! The plot clearly states that the wishes aren't just any wishes. They're the ones that drive your heart, the one that makes you who you are. How would you feel if you gave your wish to Magnifico and you got your memory erased, and you don't even remember the most important part of yourself?!?!

People are even complaining about the concept of the wishes being in magic spheres. They're even complaining that "you can literally see the wishes in the spheres!" Like...obviously! How else is Magnifico supposed to see what the wishes are?!?!?!

I even heard someone say like "You can't grant all the wishes, like you can't grant a 5-year-old's wish to become a monkey" Did you even pay attention?! The plot clearly states, MANY times, that you have to be 18 or older to give up your wish to Magnifico! By then, the wish that drives your heart will probably be connected to your passion (like singing or music or baking, etc.).

Magnifico "decides to grant the wishes that are good for Rosas" because the wishes power his sorcery and magic when destroyed. And Magnifico literally makes his people forget the wishes they made, that's basically ripping out their personality from them! Giving their wishes to Magnifico literally rips the life out of them and physically drains them, and it pains them when their wishes are destroyed entirely. And then he's driven LITERALLY INSANE AND COMPLETELY UNHINGED with his sorcery. He literally keeps the wishes for himself. He literally ONLY GRANTS THE WISHES THAT BENEFIT HIMSELF AND HIS POWER. He's literally so manipulative and LIES about the wishes being dangerous! (He OUTRIGHT LIED about Sabino's wish. Inspiring the next generation is not a dangerous wish!) He's literally a narcissist.

HE IS THE VILLAIN.

Asha was actually a great protagonist. She does have some of that "adorkable" Disney heroine feel, but that doesn't make her a bad character. She was an amazing, very well developed character and her personality was great. Edit: she was NOT adorkable. She was such a well developed character and she was amazing.

I loved that she sketches and even does flipbook animation! SHE WAS NOT SELFISH. She didn't want all the wishes to be granted, she wanted to give the wishes back.

And apparently "This Wish" is getting hate just because there wasn't a big belt in the song. It's not that kind of song. Disney movies use songs to push the plot along. The overall tone and dynamics of the songs are what help the story along. "This Wish" is not one of those songs that has a loud belt in it. It's supposed to be quieter. Disney songs sound like they do for a reason. "This Wish" was beautifully performed by Ariana DeBose and didn't need a big belt.

Disney, David Metzger, Benjamin Rice, and Julia Michaels used a fresh approach on the songs and the animation; and because it's different than the most recent Disney animated movies, everyone goes lashing out on it just because it's fresh and new.

Clearly, people didn't pay attention when they were watching it.

Did they even watch Wish? I'm halfway convinced that secretly there's some sort of doppelganger bad version of Wish they watched, because we definitely did not watch the same movie.

The animation was absolutely gorgeous, the music was so fresh (and I may or may not listen to the soundtrack on repeat), the characters were awesome, the animation was absolutely stunning, the humor actually cracked me up, and this movie made me CRY and it gave me so many feels. Everything about this movie makes me so happy, it's such a fresh approach for Disney and it's a perfect love letter to Disney animation.

Disney genuinely worked so hard on Wish and it makes me so upset to see all the hate that it's getting.

Like Disney actually makes a really good movie for once and everybody's hating on it.

I understand the reasons that people didn't like Wish, and some of them I agree with, but that doesn't mean that I don't like it. I loved it and I thought it was great! I agree, there could've been some things better about it (they could've made it longer, that one lyrics "shareholders", etc.) but you don't have to go all out on hating this movie.

Could it have been better? Totally! Was it a horrible movie? Absolutely not.

All these "critics" and "movie reviewers" are just so nitpickity. They see a few TINY things wrong with the movie and then go "this is the worst Disney movie ever" and "this sucks so bad" and "Magnifico is the good guy" And they keep saying "this is an insult to Disney fans". How would you know? You're not a Disney fan, so how would you know? (Most) Disney fans, including me, actually loved the movie!

I'm literally crying because all the "reviews" are so negative and they're completely ruining this amazing movie for me. I just feel so shut down because (I'm sorry, I have to say it) all the negative reviews are wrong. And some of these "critics" are making these reviews without even having seen the movie!!! Wish was so magical and breathtaking, and it's been Disney's best movie in a very, very, very, very long time.

People keep bringing out all the negatives of Wish and never the positives. If they keep bringing up the negatives, people will only ever see Wish as a bad movie. Yes, there were some flaws (no movie is perfect!), but that doesn't mean that there's nothing good about it.

Disney was truly trying their hardest and yet Wish is getting hate after hate after hate. THEY GAVE THE FANS WHAT THEY WANTED. Incorporated 2D animation ✓ Fresh music ✓ Fairytale ✓ Original story ✓ Stunning animation ✓ Truckload of references ✓ Great characters ✓ Good protagonist ✓ Amazing songs ✓ An actual classic Disney villain with a great upbeat villain song (not to mention a DILF) ✓ Breathtaking design ✓ Detailed plot ✓

And yet people are STILL complaining!!! (I mean most of them aren't Disney fans so how would they know if a Disney movie's good or not)

I'm starting to think that this was a movie specifically aimed at fans; and it's getting so much hate because these "critics"/"reviewers" and these people watching the movie aren't Disney fans and they don't understand the magic and how hard Disney really worked on it.

They're like "oh the plot is so unoriginal". Since when has Disney ever made a movie specifically focusing on wishing, with tons of references, blending 2D style with 3D animation, and satisfying various fan demands? Like what Disney movie has ever had a plot so similar to this one? That's what I thought. NONE. It was literally made in honor of Disney 100. YES, there ARE callbacks to previous Disney movies (such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Sleeping Beauty, etc.). But these people are looking at all these similarities, then IMMEDIATELY jumping to "oh the plot is so unoriginal because they're combining previous Disney films to make this one".

And they're all like "oh the concept art was better". If you liked the concept art, that's great! I LOVE IT TOO! But every final design is carefully chosen for a reason.

They're all complaining about "Star could've been a shapeshifter and Asha and star boy could've had a romance". (but ngl I LOVEEEEE all the fanart and the concept art) and "we were robbed" and "it would've made the movie better" You're missing the point! Star carried the movie with Asha just fine as just a cute, magical, nonverbal star. STAR IS ADORABLE AND IS BY FAR ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM THE MOVIE. Wish was not a movie that needed romance. It would've been nice, sure, but the plot works without it.

Edit: STARBOY WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE A LOVE INTEREST FOR ASHA. (Just found that out)

Also, people complaining about "we need romance" and "Disney hasn't given us romance in so long" Elemental. Did you watch Elemental?!?! That had romance!!!

Just because Asha's friends are based off the seven dwarfs doesn't mean that they're not great characters! Sure, I wish that they were a bit more original, but that doesn't mean they're bad characters! They might be based off of the seven dwarfs, but it WORKS. I loved all of Asha's friends.

Honestly, all of the hate for Wish is just plain hilarious now because none of it is even accurate.

As a Disney fan who actually loved it, I'm so so so scared of the hate I'm gonna get. Because the people who hated it are basically saying "either you hate it or you're wrong". And I shouldn't have to worry about that. Like what have I ever done to you? I'm not hating on the things you like, am I? Like I feel so bad about myself now because it seems like the only right thing to do is hate Wish, and that I'm not allowed to like it because a majority of people don't and that I'm a horrible person for liking it. I feel so terrible about liking Wish now because a majority of people are saying it's so bad and that if you don't despise it, you're wrong. And I don't think I should be feeling this way.

Edit: I can't even bring myself to even listen to the soundtrack anymore. As if someone is watching over my shoulder and will find out that I'm listening to it, and then they'll attack me for it.

I just wanna cry tbh like this is just so hard for me to deal with. I'm literally not allowed to like anything anymore. It's "it has to be 100% perfect with no flaws whatsoever or it's horrible".

Seriously?!?! Like that's so unrealistic no movie will ever be absolutely perfect all movies have flaws!!!

I WENT TO SEE WISH AND EXPECTED BETTER. I didn't get what I was expecting (and actually was a bit disappointed) but I STILL LOVED IT. You can like movies that have flaws. Sure, Wish wasn't perfect and yes, THERE WERE FLAWS. But that doesn't mean that there weren't good things about it either!!!

Most people who watched it I don't think payed attention to the movie (because what they're saying about it doesn't even line up with the plot!). So if you're hating on Wish, please keep your opinions to yourself and don't lash out on the people who liked it. You're perfectly entitled to your own opinion, it's just that some opinions are very hurtful to others and some aren't true.

Wish was a masterpiece (in my opinion), I enjoyed it a lot.

EDIT: I just found out that Wish won awards for "Best Animated Feature", "Best Songs", and "Best Original Score". If this doesn't tell you that this is a good movie, I don't know what will.

#disneynerdpumpkin #disney #wish 2023 #disney wish #wish disney #wish rant #this makes me so sad #disney worked so hard on wish and it's getting so much hate #i'm so sad and now i feel like i can't enjoy this movie anymore #i loved wish sm and i'm so sad to see all the hate it's getting #disney actually made a good movie for once and it's getting hate because people are just so nitpickity #if you don't like it i don't care you're perfectly entitled to your own opinion #got my first hate message after I posted this #not only are these people hating on an actually great movie they're making me feel so terrible about myself #i'm about to cry i just feel so bad #like i literally can't like my fandoms anymore or be true to myself and i can't have my own opinions anymore #i know i'm not the only one who actually liked Wish #like just because a movie isn't perfect doesn't mean it's entirely bad #disney rant #rant post #personal rant #ranting #sorry for the rant #vent #venting #personal vent #vent post

[lighthouseas]

so uh

#don't. really feel too great abt stranger things right now for obvious reasons #it's....idk my feelings are complicated because i do know characters ≠ actors but also the shit that brett has been saying is absolutely #-batshit and then the stuff noah liked today....idk. seeing actors i once used to admire do this really fucking hurt. and made me angry. #-and sad. #it's not that i don't still like st it's just...complicated right now #and looking at the stuff they said makes me physically ill so #and anyway. sorry i know i never post about stuff like this on main but i just thought i should put it out there bc im . upset #and i also really don't want to cause myself to spiral anymore so #zionism #zionist #idk what tags my mutuals have filtered so if i need to tag anything else please let me know - i just don't want to clog the i/p tags w this #bee.txt

[gonguji]

giving kabukimono new , alternative endings is healing me spiritually but also killing him innerly :)

#* . ⊹ 𝑇𝐻𝑂𝑈𝐺𝐻𝑇𝑆 𝑂𝐹 𝐿𝐼𝐺𝐻𝑇𝑁𝐼𝑁𝐺 › ooc . #done my banner done my pinned and my promo. so now I have icons dividers and ask banners to make ; w ; so I will be doing that today! #dms open for plotting in the meantime! #also. back to the topic but i'm so glad to already have such refreshing new plots. I do miss scaramouche #but I also do love the new ideas for kabukimono :3c #me : vos what if opposite roles au #vos : :)c #anyhow. I made myself sad over kabu meeting yoshinori's great great grandson and feeling his heart break for the loss he must had endured!

[orcelito]

Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,

I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.

#speculation nation #this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off. #to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one #but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time. #my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here. #the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years #my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most. #im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession. #it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous. #but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole. #maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth. #that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing. #idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death #to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole? #i dont fucking think so! #yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight #even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death #whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life. #it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!! #and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this #bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about. #but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger... #and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol #anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes. #but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen... #negative/ #i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

i love playing the stanley parable and being dealt psychic and emotional damage

#the cryptid speaks #the cryptid speaks in tongues #the stanley parable #it's my fault i Love getting emotionally invested in things that i shouldnt (as in: it's an office worker oizys what are u doi-) /hj #anyways shout out to my least favorite endings!! red door ending and unplug the phone ending my :'''') #u will notice the common string in these endings is the narrator using his Very Sincere voice to Beg stanley to do/not do smth #only to become more and more dejected when stanley does not (or cannot) listen ! decks me right in my solar plexus #honorary mention to the ending where stanley falls into the unfinished/under game area and wanders with no narrator #i made myself sad by thinking about What If Stanley Was Desperately Begging The Narrator To Come Back But He Didnt/Couldnt #gonna write a fic about it later it's gonna be great (says the man with wrists So broken he hasnt been able to write Anything) #also i should note there might be Worst endings but i havent discovered much of the ultra deluxe stuff yet #been tryin not to spoil it for myself and while i now have the game i havent figured out how to get to the stuff yet #so im sure i'll update this later <3

[blueparadis]

hi. just poppin' to say that I'll be back around the 2nd week of July even tho my exams will be done by the first week. i really can't wait to be back and write again. i miss writing, i miss it like crazy ( so crazy that i eventually gave in and started writing a ran fic. it won't leave my mind till I wrote it. anyways....) but I'm a little afraid to post or continue sharing or even write l like i used to before; since ai going at par with it. it's just makes me sad,,,,

#paradistalks #i was looking forward to comms cuz i need to save money to buy a tab for myself #but ai really kills my enthuuuu #idk how long will i be able to continue writing at this rate #im so sad over this #oh btw i locked all my fics in ao3 and you can read it if you are an ao3 user ( sorry but ao3 scrapping really scared me lol ) #i could not delete my works from ao3 or my ao3 account it would have solved my problems better but i just couldn't (: #there was this one thing that made me feel okay ( validated )and now it can be done with ai. woah great #also i'm so sorry to put all these in dash #now a days it feels like i'm coming here just to complain #sad.sad.sad. everything is just so sad !!!! #tw vent #tagging just in case

[undeadhousewife]

Just made myself the most disappointing sandwich ever. I'm going to bed.

#Got myself all worked up like yeah this is going to be great #Takes one bite and rwalizwd oh now this not good #I ate half of it and was choking it down it was awful #I made myself sad

[perenlop]

havent read tbc but i think its so funny how shadowsight seems to be popular to the people i follow just because “the narrative treats him like all the female characters do so hes an honorary girlie”

#and by ''how the narrative treats him'' they mean badly ofc bc apparently everything is blamed on him repeatedly #w no one realizing that he was manipulated and the narrative being retconned just to say hes actually a screwup who was never good #and everything genuinely is his fault bc why else would he listen to an evil cat in starclan #like. damn that really is something theyd do to a female protagonist #also the only ppl ive seen hating on him do it for boring and stupid reasons so im inclined to like him out of spite #bc ''he has an ILLEGAL name in this universe. hes a TIGERDOVE kid. hes a FANFICTION made REAL'' ok well hes the most interesting one. so. #not like anything he actually does in the narrative it seems. plus the other two protags sound boring as hell #''oh im sad i couldnt get w the boy i like. now i love another guy but its forbidden. oh and my leaders possessed ig.'' #''SIGH i wish people didnt compare me to my cringe OUTSIDER dad. also i see ghosts and i hate this its cringe'' #''also my sister is a legacy name after an important character from the previous arc but who cares'' #and then shadowsight is like ''since i was an infant i had excruiciating seizures and visions. i threw myself into a river as a sacrifice #i am suicidal. i got manipulated by an evil man into possessing my great uncle. everyone outwardly wants me dead for it #everyone blames all of their problems on me and expects a lot from me. i got demoted for it. my only support is my close family #and even then they have to suffer the extreme guilt of not being able to help me with literally anything #also the antagonist wants my mom dead for my own existence. i have lost so much #i am literally blamed by god for everything thats happened to be despite being used by them since i was an infant and thats where my story e #ends'' #like fuck. yeah he is an honorary girlie to me. i barely know u man but like i support u. cmere be my pet cat #echoed voice

[notyetfixed-a]

things done today:

updated thread tracker: ✓ updated carrds: ✓ updated tagging system: ✓ got my shit together: ✓ did the drafts I wanted to do: ✓ following/follower purge: ✓ worked: ✓ doodled: ✓

#( such tomfoolery | ooc ) #i went through a huge following purge #finally made myself go through it #was tired of seeing people on my dash #who i've reached out to #but no effort was made #anyways #i'm probably headed to bed now #i had a really great friend talk with me through my sad girl hours #it was very helpful #very insightful #glad to end the day on a good note

[fleshdyke]

ahsgsjaugejwjg

#sh/sui warning for tags #been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/ #which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk #idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me #and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything #but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time. #like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down #to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk #and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me #and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk. #and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt #one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around #the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a #second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk #i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to #and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared. #idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily. #i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of #thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk. #ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they #kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit #it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to #bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed #and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it #personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was #suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better #rambles #vent

[coldvampire]

.

#plagued by thoughts and emotions. #man lmao I’ve bitched out So many times this week from reaching out to people. idk. it’s been so long that I just feel like I’m #not important enough to justify it. & I did manage a bit w one person but also ended up #retreating there too bc I just got the sense I made it awkward somehow #so yknow. really great stuff on my end hdjfk #idk idk I’m starved for meaningful social interaction I’m starved for literally anyone taking interest in me atp #it’s such a roller coaster I hype myself up > doesn’t work out > crash hard & I don’t like it. it’s exhausting! it’s really fucking sad too #I’m so tired of my own company & talking to myself all the time. I’ve heard everything I have to say already there’s only so much I can do #I don’t even know what else to say lmao I feel like I don’t really exist anymore outside of my own head #I feel like I can’t get anyone to just djjfjf care about anything I have to say no matter what? #I’m not enough my art isn’t enough whatever it was a few years ago isn’t there anymore. #and I want it to be genuine I don’t want it to be out of pity bc all that does is honestly get my hopes up a bit but it can’t/wont last #I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed #anyway I’m going to try to shake this off a bit bc I can’t do anything right now #and I’m not even sure I’d be in the right headspace to have a conversation without decompressing first

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my partner and I discussed getting matching shirts that say "the hot bitch I pulled by being autistic" and each shirt has an arrow that points to the other person.

#original #diary #today we were watching a great show and a moment happened that made us both so happy that we #we skipped right over laughing and spontaneously launched into like a full 30 seconds of full body happy stimming #before laughter could even come out. happy stimming happens when i am so happy i must do something even more joyful than laughing #and she finished before me and i was still going and she came up to me and hugged me and told me i am so cute when i stim #it is like. so cool to discover positive stimming #and as sad as it is i had to suppress it most of my life i not only have it now but i also have a partner who actively encourages it #bc someone who loves you delights in seeing your purest expression of joy and seeks to cultivate that. #she is kind to me always #i just wanna yell at everyone about how they are supposed to be treated bc i wish someone had told me #i wouldn't give up my autism for any material thing in existence bc then i would be steven without his gem #i can happy stim in front of so few people and i generally think of myself as so open. but there are times it is unsafe to stim #and times where that safety or lack of it is unclear. and so masking is an unfortunate but necessary thing #and i have WAY more freedom in dropping my mask than most people bc i am white. #and people of color - especially Black men in my country (guess which one.) - are not given nearly as much leeway by society #but that is a super heavy topic and i am high and it is midnight so we will come the fuck back to that #'do u read critical race theory?' 'nah i just read some white stoners tumblr tags.' #anyway go listen to other people who are smarter than me and also not white if you wanna learn about this topic more #autism positivity #i love my wife

[eats-the-stars]

other ppl love having extra hands on deck to help them out but i prefer to have the whole big machine floor just to me. me doing all the work. yes all the steps from picking to final packaging. sorry but i am picky about the way i do things and unless you do it just the way i like it will rub me wrong and if it is legit wrong i will have to redo it anyway.

#work venting #some of my coworkers are great #9/10 you can work the machine floor with me. your trays are lovely everything is centered colors all correct #but some coworkers...i can only tolerate garbage trays if i'm the one who made it #because it's one thing if i chose to do that to myself. but if someone else is like 'here i made this it's trash :) for you' #then....mmmm. don't like. if u make a garbage tray the rule is u should have to run it yourself #sometimes i just put one in the machine and instead of finessing it i just let it destroy the tray #and then i go 'oh no :( i will have to redo that now. so sad. so terrible to replace that with a good tray now' #also like to do the quality control and the prep to go #because some coworkers have clumsy hands and their detail work just destroys the final products #and then i have to redo them :) #so i think i will just do the cleaning touches okay? if i'm busy maybe at least let me do the ones that took a long time? #because if u burn the shit out of something that took me 27 minutes to make...i will not be happy #also do not like it when a coworker who doesn't normally do my role hits a slow bit and decides to 'help me out' #and then proceeds to fumble the shit out of my machines and just like... #clumsily pull 4 threads out of alignment while trying to re-thread a fifth line that did not need to be re-threaded #because the error message on the machine indicated a loose screw on the tray :) #or making me a tray....except everything is off-center and i have to redo it #or that time i couldn't figure out why a machine wasn't working #and it turns out they put a part in with the magnet facing out instead of in #and i don't usually check for that because i don't make that mistake. i simply do not #please just let me work the machine floor alone if u don't know what ur doing #if u are one of my rare coworkers who knows their shit and doesn't have bad habits like chronically making garbage trays to 'save resources' #then u can stay but ur on thin ice #i would rather be doing five jobs at once #than have to be doing constant damage control