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sublimeloverstrawberry · 2 years

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FUCKKKKKKKK

I can see how I look like a stalker, and I get it. That is probably why I took you off of facebook, you and your girlfriend, that is why I blocked her at the beginning of the year, and why I didn't talk to you for months.

As for the close friends, you have no idea what happened to me January to March, and to call it a spritual awakening is the closest thing I can say. I don't know why I have your name written in a hand I don't recognize, nor do I understand why I saw you in my hospital room January 11th or so.

The close friends was a thing I picked up during meditations. I don't know these people, I just remember watching someone try to kill themselves January 7th before our conversation. A man with muscles who tried to kill himself, who bench presses with short black hair who looks like a Locas, plays FPS and has 2 kids in an unhappy relationship.

I don't know how I found EM, because again, that came to me in a dream or meditaton. Someone young and outgoing who was easily swayed by words, but you needed someone to bring you out of the dark place you were at.

Marie-Soilel is another name I picked up, Juliette, Mimi, Woods, a black panther,. Like one of those god forsaken psychic shows, so I looked them up, and wouldn't you know it. There they are friends with you. Well fuck, I ask for a rejection, I remove you off of my main platforms and I am still tied up in your life.

Then the autography started, or the psychography, in which I wrote things that did not come from my head. And I have your fucking name everywhere in books, even "Mèlia L-G HA!" So I offer you an apology and walk away. You pass through my line up and model walk away. I wan to go into my favourite store, but you are always working so I wait until you leave so I can check out the new products. I start bringing coffee again because a mutual said it was okay, and I stopped with the romantc messages on the paper bags like I had done for the 3 years preceding.

I walk past you because I don't want to disrupt you and you mimic me, sitting infrnt of my cash to have your lunch, something you never did before 2022. So I realize maybe you share my emotions, and I start to work on being friendly. I don't go into your store, I remove you off of my instagram, and suddenly accounts I have been following for a few years start to change. My interactions at a cafe change, I look for a community to be active and get rejected.

Autumn, I got all my information off of social media, and tarot cards and I made an account that I didn't follow you on, where I just vented to the gods, and somehow YOU found it, and thats when it all went to shit. Your friends and family start entering my store, WHY. My algorithm changed WHY.

Finally in the beginning of spring I tried something new, something my dad inspired and social media. I wanted to try to become a photographer, amature but still one. I started following accounts THAT WERE SUGGESTED TO ME. And lo-behold THEY ARE STILL CONNECTED TO YOU. So I made a few more accounts because I wanted to get away from this bullshit.

You blocked me in February, and I got it. But you also sent me a message FROM THAT BLOCKED ACCOUNT telling me to fuck off, and passed by my job afterwards, so I thought it was safe to follow you on one. My other accounts get blocked, and while it hurt I got it, I look like I am using them to harass you, or your girlfriend. But no, I am using them to learn a new skill.

So months finally pass, and I was believing the bullshit had died down, log into TikTok and your girlfriend is a recommeded fucking friend I might know. So I blocked her. I don't like her content, so BLOCKED. I take everyone of of my blocked list on the gram feeling less vulnerable, and suddenly 3 sister cyclists appear on my search, people you run with, more photographers I don't know, people related to "your place", and the goddamned Cafe starts treating me like a lepper. I focus on my new hobby, I focus on my living situation, I focus on my bike, and when I get lonely I went to see what my ex is up to. EG. Huh, EM is there, and 2 EL's is there and a FLG is there, and a MLG is there and a JLG is there. MOS is there and so many more.

So now I feel watched and trapped and lonely and I check my other accounts. You still have me blocked, but the same names repeat themselves on my other accounts. So I start to check them out, if I am interesting enough to them, they should be people I learn about. Well fuck, your sisters, your marathon partner, your entire fucking community is on my social media. In an attempt to log off try and get a crossfit membership, and I GET REJECTED because she has heard things?!! WHAT FUCKING THINGS?!

Sure I went to the cafe at midnight, and came in looking terrified. Do you want the medical reason or the spiritual one? Both? Medical: Burnout from isolation, a desperate attempt at making a community that was familiar to me. Spiritual: I had been having dreams for WEEKS that I was being stalked, and watched, and I needed to prove myself a survivor. The police came to my apartment one night at 1230, citing someone called them. I was in bed listening to Ziggy Alberts. They surrounded my apartment and tried to convince me I needed to be in a psych ward, they pressured me, so when I got the vision it was going to happen again I went out for a walk, found myself at the Cafe in the middle of the night with my dog confused as to why I was there. Spent the night outside, and went home.

You might be wonderng: But Mel, drugs?! You smoked so much weed. Yup, I did, and I stopped that in Janurary because paranoia and anxeity are not a good mix while going through a spiritual awakening and burn out.

So February, my mom comes over for no reason, throws me in a psych ward citing I posted some stuff on the internet and needed to be instatutionalized. Throw in some previous trauma, and somehow my 24 hour "voluntary" gets extended to 4 fucking days. I come home to my cats gone, my laptop and tablet gone, but my drugs still right where I left them. I see you at the mall, and decide NOT TO ENGAGE because clearly I am going through some things. I quit the job that drained me, and focus on rebalancing my life.

March passes by, I get more control. The cafe shop stops smiling at me. I guess they saw me on the camera. I start realizing I lack social skills and start finding my way to express myself while healing, making a lot of errors along the way. I go onto youtube "How to train dig not to rush food" "how to train dog" These are not my searches. "Logical spiritual awakenings" no my search, ive been hacked. April passes by, and I want to tell you that I had been having dreams about you, REALIZE I LOOK LIKE I AM STALKING YOU, and back off IRL and online. May happens, and here I am going, lets see what my ex is doing, he was my closest frend for the last 4 years AND YOUR GODDAMNED GIRLFRIEND IS THE FIRST ON MY ACCOUNTS?! WHAT THE FUCK. I need to get some gear, and I see you working AND TURN THE FUCK AROUND so I don't interact with you, because I KNOW HOW IT LOOKS, and the woman at the front brings me to you, and by the gods it feels amazing to be talking to you again, but I fucked up socially and know my place. I walk away going WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK because after my Autumn instagram, and our January conversation, I am confused. I clearly look like I am harassing you, but you keep acting like you did 2018-2021.... am I a threat or not.

So now here I am, moving away, remember how sad you looked when I told you I was leaving the mall. We had this connection before, but you are in a relationship, and I was left out to dry. But now every account I look at, there is more and more of your friends and family's name popping up.

All of my friends are in English speaking provinces, and every attempt I have made this year at making a community has been thrwarted because of rumors and speculations and gossip.

Lets not talk about my gaiaonline avatar, or my password changes, lets not talk about my location not working, or how some tumblr posts went from private to posted. Lets not talk about how you got a puppy and from the video shared it looks understimulated and needed to be trained.

I blocked you, I pushed you away, and it hurt like a mother fucker, but that is what one is supposed to do with unrequited love, deal with the pain. So WHY IN HELLS NAME is my social life now getting directly affected by this? YOU blocked me and unblocked me to send me a message. You have me blocked on all social platforms, but your girlfriend and friends do not. YOU liked my chicken photo while out with CPRC. Every time you did a move that would bait me into a toxic situation I FUCKING RAN. My accounts were public but I never tagged you in a post. So how did your world come to know my thoughts and ideas and shit. I added people to close friends after probability told me to. 3-5 decks of cards that all said the same message, BACKED by 2 algorithms AND GODDAMNED CHANCE and I waited to get a chain of cards not 1 or 2 only 3 or more. I would them combine their message, WAIT for instagram and youtube AND angel numbers to confirm if I should or should not add this person to my close friends.

And yet, you still have me unblocked, the algorithms, the cards and the angel numbers STILL all agree on various subject matters, your friends and family gossip about me, and situations THEY know nothing about.

So all I can extrapolate is the following: You are not a good person and you are baiting me for drama You are in a toxic relationshp Your friends and family are immature

I look at the stories THAT A PROFESSIONAL ACCOUNT SUGGESTS. I am following the social rules that have been presented to me.

So why do I feel hunted.

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lalalalan · 2 years

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i have things to say about not me.

dhdjdjkfjr too many things to process at 2am but but but

sean and namo's friendship is the best thing ever.

the typical one of the besties catches feelings for the other and gets their heartbroken but when the other person is heartbroken the only person they can go back to is heartbroken but about them.

so both of them express it through graffiti???

that scene was so beautiful -just them venting out their emotions through art and sean feeling safe enough to cry just the way namo started crying while doing graffiti the day before.

what comes around goes around.

also gram and eugene are so not working out for me??why would you hit on your besties gf or ex??-eugenes way of experssing was dance +paint and i loved the way they called out beauty standards.

rgrhrjr PAINTING/DANCING/BOXING???

all of this is going on parallel to the main plot of tawi(or whatevs that persons name is)

white talking about how he loves to keep his eyes open to see his lover kiss him?

i hope sean and black figure their shit out and please stop beating up sean so much lmao

black needs therapy fr.

gun is SUCH AN amazing ACTOR.Oh my those eyes.

danyok asusual flirting and protecting e/o.cute.

#not me series #sean not me #black and white #danyok #sean x white #eugene

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belfryprepz · 3 years

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☆ roy/bri/grams

☆ nineteen, white, he/she/they

☆genderqueer lesbian

☆I ♡ music, movies, photography and Monster High

Main: @belfryprepz

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Sideblog: @faithlehanesbian

Horror Sideblog: @avampsreflection

Derry Girls Sideblog: @orla-mccool-er-than-you

Sanrio Sideblog: @sanriodescribed

Anime Sideblog: @inthename0fthem00n

Winx Club Sideblog: @trix-gloomix

ATLA Sideblog: @b0l1n

Separate Monster High Described Archive Blog: @monster-high-described-archive

Poetry/(vent?) Sideblog: @smokingoutthewindow

Sideblog for undescribed images to add ids to: @2describelater

Back-up Account: @cherryflavoredbreeze

#about me #belfryprepz #bri ffr

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bitter-sweet-coffee · 2 years

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ok not to be spiritually edgy on main but i know souls exist somehow. maybe they're dark energy, which is hardly detectable especially in such a small amount, but explains so much as to why humans are as innovative and impactful as we are. maybe souls are something else, maybe there's a god, maybe we're just bad at adding stuff since we invented the rules of mathematics, and our lack of omnipotence prevents us from calculating accurately. maybe the 21 gram experiment was a bust and rightfully rejected. honestly? i believe it. maybe the numbers are off, but like i said, we came up with that shit too. i think souls exist because i can actually feel mine dying. haha, edgy on main right? you're just a bit stressed, right? no, i think people lose parts of their souls as times goes on and they go through heavy traumatic experiences, and when you lose a relationship with someone, a piece of each person detaches and no one really gains in the end, so that energy and liveliness feeds its way back into the free-for-all of the universe or some crap. maybe that's where miracles come from? orphaned ao3 works from nature's root-rotted mycelium worldwideweb of botched narratives. or something less wordy, who gives a shit about the details anyways? this is a vent post from someone who lost their fucking mind years ago, not an avant-garde poem. but back to what i was saying, i think humans have souls because every second mine is rooted to reality i can feel it being peeled away, one ligament at a time. for a while i thought i'd already lost my soul because i hadn't felt anything in years, but that was probably my body's defence mechanism, like when you can't feel your injury from shock. well, i was reminded my soul exists (albeit in botched shape) and now it's barely hanging in there, but since the world has gone to shits, everyone feels entitled to feel bad and ignore worse. "we are ALL busy, i'm stressed right now too!" i don't know jan, i think we're talking about different things right now, because i am literally fighting to stay alive at the moment... but i'll smile and nod my way through your absolutely atrocious and misattributed shakespeare quote you got off pintrest or instagram or facebook or whatever zuckerberg pill-of-poison you pick every day instead of doing your emails that are supposedly ruining your life. so, the TLDR is that souls exist because you can definitely notice when a part of them is missing, even if you chalk it up to cliches or caffeine, and dismiss the writhing restless energy clawing on/at/in/out of your skin. but honestly? i think the only thing worse than losing your soul is feeling your body try to hold onto it for every second of your existence. you can't let go, but the hydrogen peroxide esque disinfectant burn that consumes every part of you, tangible or intangible? yeah. to be redundant, it fucking sucks.

#bsc moment #semi vent #just getting the bad vibes #worked for 18 hours and got like 1% of my work done #barely that #and i work again in 7 hours #so there's that going for me #great |:

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terrminallycapricious · 3 years

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((he didnt rly need one bc he vents on his main all the time and says the dumbest things but i made gram a sort of vent, or just jumble of random things on the back of his mind. its @capriciouspains dont follow if ur underage or this blog + those connected to it. i dont tag a single thing, so follow at ur own risk.))

#get ready for Edgy Posting PFdf #ooc

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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How The Rolling Stones’ Exile on Main Street Earned Its Rep

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Apple TV+’s docuseries 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything makes it seem like The Rolling Stones’ Exile On Main Street album was more fun to record than listen to, and that sets a high standard. The record distills the band’s sounds, from acoustic world music political ballads, through deep heartfelt blues, to honky tonk so funky you have to shake your ass. The group plays country, Southern blues, R&B, and the almost-punk-before-punk “Rip This Joint.” “Tumbling Dice,” is a radio staple. Keith Richards even took the lead vocals on a track to keep you happy. There was so much material, it came out as a double album. What could be more fun than that?

Richards’ Nellcôte mansion, on the Côte d’Azur in the South of France, was the hardest rocking musical getaway paradise in 1971. It was a Rock and Roll Main Street, and even the most mainstream players mainlined the exile vibe. Guitar god Eric Clapton and underground country legend Gram Parsons mixed drinks and drugs with movie stars like James Caan and Faye Dunaway, while playwright Terry Southern stopped taking note, according to Robert Greenfield’s book Exile on Main Street: A Season In Hell With The Rolling Stones.

William S. Burroughs inspired Mick Jagger to cut and paste a word collage together to form the lyrics to “Casino Boogie.” Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr dropped by the almost-week-long afterparty for Jagger’s wedding to Nicaraguan-born model Bianca Pérez Morena de Macias in Saint-Tropez. John Lennon, who was on methadone treatment, reputedly threw up at the foot of the grand staircase and passed out in it.

“The sunshine bores the daylights out of me,” Jagger sings on “Rocks Off,” the album’s opening song. The Rolling Stones strolled through their recent past darkly. The murder of Meredith Hunter at the Altamont speedway concert in late 1969 signaled, to many, the death of decade’s peace-and-love counterculture. But the band’s troubles went all the way back to the Redlands drug bust of 1967, and the death of Brian Jones. Adversity worked well, creatively, for the Stones, and they continued to pump out classics like “Gimme Shelter” in 1969, and controversy like “Brown Sugar” in 1971. Sticky Fingers, their ninth album, hung nicely at the top of the charts on both sides of the Atlantic.

The songs, and Allen Klein’s aggressive managerial money-making maneuvers, put the band in the 93% tax bracket for Britain’s highest earners. The Stones owed more than they could pay. To avoid penalties, they moved to France. Mick went to Paris. Mick Taylor, Bill Wyman and Charlie Watts bought or rented places along the French Riviera. Richards and his girlfriend, German-Italian actress and model Anita Pallenberg, moved into Nellcôte, a villa in Villefranche-sur-Mer, near Nice. During the Nazi occupation of France during World War II, the seaside mansion was the headquarters of the local Gestapo. Swastikas were carved into floor vents, staircases and ventilator grates.

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As pointed out in 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything, the Stones had recently signed with Atlantic Records, and the label wanted an album. The band scoured the Riviera for a suitable recording studio, but wound up parking their mobile studio next to Keith’s house. Richards transformed the basement into a recording studio, and the band stole electricity from the railway tracks across the street to power amplifiers and the mobile recording truck.

The layout wasn’t the best. Bill Wyman, who is only credited for eight of the album’s songs on bass, plugged into an amp which was mic’d up in the hallway. Producer Jimmy Miller ended each take by running from the truck into the basement to check sound. The humidity caused the guitars to go out of tune. This gave the album its working title: “Tropical Disease.” The song “Ventilator Blues” was inspired by the conditions.

The band also had to deal with Keith’s erratic schedule. “I never plan anything,” Richards says in the documentary Stones in Exile. “Mick needs to know what he’s going to do tomorrow. Whereas I’m just happy to wake up and see who’s hanging around. Mick’s rock; I’m roll.” Richards, Taylor, Watts, pianist Nicky Hopkins, saxophonist Bobby Keys, drummer Jimmy Miller, and horn player Jim Price would jam all night while engineer Andy Johns ran the reels. Sessions would start when the guitarist rolled out of bed, or before he slipped off to put his son Marlon to sleep. After that Keith might pull a disappearing act, playing guitar in the un-mic’d second floor bathroom, or passing out. Richards was open about pot and alcohol, sharing liberally, but quiet about his heroin use.

Richards got clean in the spring of 1971, but hurt his back in a go-kart accident, according to Greenfield’s book. His vehicle flipped while racing his friend Tommy Weber at a track in Cannes. Richards took morphine for the pain, and within a few months, was using again. For sessions, he’d down a Mandrax, which is like a Quaalude, with whiskey. Charlie Watts was drinking brandy until he was past sloppy, and Jagger was taking speed to keep up with the hours Keith set. It was Richards’ place, and Mick was almost a hostage. When he left, it seemed nothing got done. Richards, left alone, could be downright dangerous. He almost burned himself, Anita and the entire house down when he fell asleep with a lit cigarette.

Richards was buying pure, uncut heroin from Castilian dealers. He was getting it by the kilo, and it became part of the social regimen of the villa. He shared so regularly with Gram Parsons that Mick got jealous, professionally. Parsons wanted Richards to produce his next album and join him on tour, which would have left the Stones without their guitarist for two years. Parsons was quietly asked to leave. Drugs split the Stones into two camps: Jagger, Wyman and Watts stuck to pills, booze and softer drugs. Richards, Taylor, producer Jimmy Miller, sax player Bobby Keys and engineer Andy Johns shot dope.

It cost them their gear. Wyman’s bass, Keys’ saxophone and nine of Richards’ guitars were stolen by dealers from Marseille who were owed money, while the entourage was watching television during the day. The Stones’ lawyers bribed local police to keep the party going, but even the most corrupt French cops, like Captain Louis Renault in Casablanca, have their limits. Besides, the Stones were welcomed in France because they were rich rock stars who were going to spend lots of money. If all their cash went to illegal and nontaxable drugs, the French government didn’t have much use for them.

The tipping point seems to have come with Anita Pallenberg. She maintained a steadily rocky relationship with the Stones. Richards stole, or saved, her from a paranoid and abusive Brian Jones, and there were rumors Jagger had an affair with her while filming Nic Roeg’s Performance in 1968. According to Greenfield’s book, Mick also slept with her while Richards was on the nod during the Exile sessions. Police came knocking to ask about a claim that Pallenberg had given heroin to the 14-year-old daughter of the villa’s chef.

The French police left without validating the charge, but said they’d be back to have a better look around the mansion. Richards and Pallenberg took off on his speedboat, fittingly named Mandrax II. The rest of the band slipped out soon after with the tapes. Pallenberg and Richards were charged with possession of heroin with intent to traffic in 1973. They were then exiled from France for the next two years.

The party continued when the Rolling Stones reconvened in Sunset Sound studios in Los Angeles. The band tossed TVs off the balconies of hotel rooms with Marc Bolan and Neil Young. The tapes for the album stretched from 1969 to 1972. The band edited hours of jams into song structure. Jagger scatted melodic placeholders for unfinished lyrics, and recruited session players like Billy Preston and Doctor John to fill in any sonic emptiness. The words to “Tumbling Dice,” for instance, were written last minute. The song has an unusual structure, as the verses become shorter, the choruses get longer. It may have Watts’ best drum performance.

Exile on Main Street contains some of Richards’ best guitar work. The album really belongs to Keith. “Happy” is almost entirely his. He’s on vocals, guitar and bass, with Miller on drums, Keys on maracas, overdubs from Taylor, and backing vocals from Jagger. “Sweet Black Angel” is a political love letter to civil rights activist Angela Davis. “Shake Your Hips” put the hair on ZZ Top’s lips. The album cover set the visual tone for punk. Some people claim it’s the Rolling Stones’ best work. It is a classic which catches them at their hedonistic peak. Its dirty, loosely played backing created an identifiable sound. The Stones’ first double LP, it is best heard in its entirety, and earned its street cred.

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1971: The Year Music Changed Everything is available to stream on Apple TV+ now.

The post How The Rolling Stones’ Exile on Main Street Earned Its Rep appeared first on Den of Geek.

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zalrb · 4 years

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yeah i meant matt from TVD hahaha

I thought the problem with Matt was that he was underused and it’s one of the reasons why I was annoyed with the introduction of Enzo and the introduction of Liv and even Jo because the writers weren’t doing anything with the characters they already had like Matt and Tyler and Jeremy so I was just like, do you know what Matt could’ve been if you focused on him (and the others) and didn’t just stack the cast with more people?

Anonymous asked: How would you make Matt more relevant in tvd lol? It’s just he was always there but most of the time it was just to be the human who disagrees with things but it got boring really quick.

I’ve answered this many times.

With each and every episode I’ve been like, how has Matt not set fire to Mystic Falls yet? How has Bonnie not snapped on her friends and just released all of her magic on them yet? Like the most they make Matt do is get grumpy at Stefan for a minute and then refuse to let Elena feed him her blood? And Bonnie shows Damon what she went through in the nineties with Kai and she’s done venting? Are you fucking serious? People keep saying that Matt is a useless character but I see the potential in him because he and Bonnie would make the perfect opposition to the ‘core’ group and imagine how deranged they’d be? Like a psychological break would happen between them and they’d give absolutely zero fucks. And then we could deal with the ‘core’ group being so surprised that the two people they step on the most are ‘fighting back’ in a sense and are refusing to be ignored.

Him taking out his anger on Tyler didn’t bother me, it’s that the scale wasn’t big enough. He said a few words and he didn’t let Elena heal him like that’s a big deal. It’s not. It’s inconsequential. I don’t buy that he’s resentful because he doesn’t act resentful, he acts sullen; he shouldn’t be friends with any of them. His rage should destroy the entire town. He’s been bitten how many times, he’s been hit by a car, he’s been stabbed, he’s been used as bait, he’s been buried alive, he’s been driven off a bridge, like no, a few words here and there about how vampires suck isn’t going to cut it. It shouldn’t be respectful or respectable or small or at the right times, he should hate everyone with a passion, it should be to the point of insanity, like he should be obsessed with either destroying them all or getting the hell out of town but to make it more interesting it should be destroying them all; the line between enemy/friends should be gone and Bonnie should join him with it.

My point is that Matt’s anger should be directed at everyone, including people who don’t necessarily deserve it at the time. He should have a prejudicial hatred against all things supernatural, like it should be a fury that has a rational base and spirals out into irrationality because he’s at his wit’s end and he has a psychological break, it shouldn’t be logical and strategic, it shouldn’t just be about Damon and Stefan, that’s what I mean by how in my opinion it shouldn’t be “respectful resentment” everyone should be a threat or a target in his eyes and same with Bonnie after everything they’ve been through. They should have serious PTSD.

A psychological break doesn’t necessarily mean that Matt wouldn’t be effective at what he’s doing, it just means that he wouldn’t follow certain guidelines and he wouldn’t be confined. I like the idea of psychological breaks, I like the idea of snapping because the only characters who have been allowed to do that are Damon and Elena and I guess Stefan. Caroline turning off her humanity wasn’t a “snap” in my opinion. A snap has a lot of potential to be messy and I like it when characters get messy, I like it when they go off the deep-end because there’s so much you can do with that. I like the idea of Matt and Bonnie just having a disconnect and going beyond logic and reason and playing dirty because neither of them have done that before, it’s an unexpected route for both of them to take but one that still keeps in line with their characters after everything they’ve been through. I’m not interested in the “by-the-book” approach because we had that with Bonnie’s dad and we had that with Connor and we had that with the Council, it’s more of the same thing and the point is that the show should go in a different direction and to see the psychological and emotional scars that being around the supernatural has done to both Matt and Bonnie would be AMAZING and heartbreaking and it’d be intense for the other characters to see just how far they’ve pushed them.

in my opinion, Bonnie and Matt should be the “big bads” that everyone has to face but instead of it being an external villain, it’s an enemy they/the town created. That, in my opinion, would make sense for both characters and would be such an interesting storyline for the show to take on. Not these one minute/two minute/one episode gripes that go absolutely nowhere or get shut down quickly.

I mean they had ample opportunity to really push that forward but it’s like they’re too scared to do anything that has actual consequences. For me, Matt’s descent should’ve happen in season 5. He was in a house full of vampires and none of them heard Nadia take him and none of them found him buried alive? Instead Caroline took Klaus’ word for it (Klaus above all people) and everyone else was preoccupied with other things and were all at the Salvatore mansion when he finally got back? Like THAT should’ve been the beginning of the end. I have so many problems with that episode.

How would you write the team up of the psychological break with Bonnie and Matt against the main group?

I always said that one day Matt would just snap, like some bullshit will happen to him again and he’ll just set Enzo on fire on something and Bonnie would walk in on him and he would just rant about how he’s sick of being the guy who gets run over and stabbed and buried alive and shot and be like dude, we were FINE until the Salvatores showed up and Damon killed Vicki and wanted to get into the tomb so Grams died and Bonnie being like Matt, c’mon, bad things would’ve happened anyway, Elena was the doppelganger Klaus would’ve — and then he just scream and say this is what I’m talking about the constant defending, don’t you get sick of it Bonnie, think of everything that happened to you, like aren’t you just MAD? And then Bonnie leaves and gets taken advantage of again or lied to again or has to put her life in danger again with great emotional and/or physical cost but that’s a secondary thing to the core group (again) so she just goes to Matt like yeah you’re right.

So since it’s all-in for him, does Matt die or win? Knowing you, even if he dies, there’ll be far reaching consequences of this arc, right?

I think what I would do is Stefan and Damon argue about how to handle it with Stefan wanting to lock him up and Damon wanting to kill him. If he did die then I think the consequence of that would be the Salvatores leaving MF, like either Bonnie has been pulled back already and she’s like you guys drove him to this then murdered him, either they go or I do and Elena and Caroline choose Bonnie or after Matt dying they don’t trust the Salvatores to not kill Bonnie so Elena “banishes” them before it becomes a everyone tries to kill Damon and Stefan gets involved and puts his life in danger because of it

I meant to say if he didn’t die, then I’d Azula him.

where he just is so mentally deteriorated that they lock him up and Bonnie goes to the group and is like, yo this is what you do to people eh?

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augustwash1 · 3 years

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Latest iPhone Phones Continue Getting Significantly Better

Users more than likely are in agreement with me personally that iPhone X design was among the very best, and that is exactly why Apple decided to keep the identical look for their next set of exclusive cell phones. Introduced a year ago, it's the very first Apple cellphone to take out the main button. In the other, I held its own brand-new successor, the Iphone Xs. My eyes squeezed shut, I passed them back and forth between my hands, rolling each phone above, feeling the curves, glass springs, dual lens camera bumps, and radar vents. I realized that I couldn't tell the difference between the two phones. This is not a criticism. It is just a simple fact of S version years, in which Apple locks at the iPhone design and concentrates, rather, on upgrading key internal parts. Therefore, the biggest changes to the 5.8-inches Iphone Xs and its big brother, the 6.5-inch iPhone XS Max, each of which I analyzed, can be seen in functionality (thanks to this new A12 Bionic CPU), photographs and movies, (new digital cameras and a new ISP endorsed by the A12), along with functionality (iOS12, the last version of which came pre-applied in my test units). The outcome is a pair of fantastic, tasteful, and high-performing devices that will please iPhone enthusiasts and receive over a few glances out of Android smartphones. It still has the exact rigid surgical steel frame wrapped into a brand new glass material which Apple stated was devised to be scratch resistant and heavy duty. I gave the phones a couple half-hearted drops on a thin-pile rug but wasn't prepared to let them slide away . So far I have discovered just one very nice scrape on your iPhone Xs Max. So let us consider them scratch-resistant, however still not scratch-proof. The bigger iPhone Xs Max shares all the iPhone X's substance and layout attributes, but does this in a 6.2-inch x 3.05-inch x 0.30-inch human anatomy. In 208 grams, it is substantially thicker than the Iphone Xs. The Xs Max is really a hair shorter (0.04 inches) and thinner (0.02 inches), however, it's also a couple of grams bulkier when compared to the Iphone 8 Plus, the big-screen telephone that from a space the Iphone Xs Max most looks like. Button positioning power/sleep, quantity controllers, ring/silent switch -- will be exactly the same. However, there is one minor chassis difference. At the bottom edge of the telephones sits the lightning connector. It's book-ended by means of a pair of drilled holes that accommodate one half of their stereo speaker program and among the telephone's microphones. There was six openings on either side. Now the ideal side includes six slotsbut the left, that just houses a microphone, has just three. This small change was done, in part, to adapt the new inner antenna configuration which includes 4x4 MIMO and License Assisted accessibility, which utilizes unlicensed 5 GHz range to provide 1 Gbps chip over LTE. Apple updated the water and also dust-resistance rating to IP 68, which translates to the handsets residing in 2 meters of water for up to half an hour. I did not get to go swimming with all the iPhone Xs or Xs Max, but didn't run the latter phone below normal water, juice and milk. Afterward, as advocated, I rinsed and dried off the smart phone. I was careful not to plug it back into a lighting cable (that is a no-no after a dowsing) but didn't put it on a wireless charging foundation at which it had no problem accepting a fee. Apple, incidentally, said it put some effort in making the wireless charging platform (basically the hidden coils within the phone) more forgiving. This is great news, since I have, on more than 1 occasion, woken up to find that my iPhone X did not charge because I placed it a modest off-axis about the charging base. I have never ran into that issue with the iPhone Xs or Xs Max. The Iphone Xs and iPhone Xs Max body frames are somewhat rigid and solid-feeling, but torqueable, particularly the bigger telephone, which actually creates a tiny clicking sound once I attempt to twist it. Apparently, I've just had those iPhones for a week, but based on a calendar year's experience with the original iPhone X (granted, mostly in a thin instance ), I consider this design framework tough and ready for the long run. Even now as Samsung follows Apple to the dense black cutout at the peak of this iPhone Xs and Xs Max, Apple shows no traces of going backwards in the multi-option technology, which neither grew nor slipped in the most recent iPhones. Just like the original TrueDepth Module, that one is still packed with all the exact components (none of that, as much as I can tell, have been updated). There is a 7 MP camera, dot projector for depth sensing, infrared camera (depth sensing), flooding illuminator (yes, too for depth-sensing), proximity detector, ambient light detector, the second half of the stereo speaker program, plus a mic. On the backs of the iPhone Xs and Xs Max, there is more of the custom glass, the Apple Logo, the word Iphone (but no"X" or"s"), along with the 12 MP dual camera system. This vertically-oriented, pill-shaped camera module appears exactly the same as it did to the last iPhone X. It is still a prominent bulge, but it didn't get any bigger. Within the module is new hardware backed by new image technologies, but more on that later. I've always considered that the 5.8-inch Iphone X an fantastic tradeoff involving a big-screen phone and hand-friendly ergonomics. The screen is large and immersive, however, the body is comfortable to hold and pocket. The iPhone Xs Max in comparison can, particularly if you're used to holding a more compact phone, feel big. It is not embarrassing to hold, however people with smaller hands will probably fight with one-handed use and will likely want to turn Reachability, which with a swipe down on the flat bar moves all halfway down the screen, which makes it longer accessible. Still, the trade-off might be worth it. I forgot just how much I like the larger iPhone display, and about the iPhone Xs Max, you get much more screen without contending with a bigger phone (there is just that 0.04-inch height difference between the Iphone 8 Plus and the iPhone Xs Max). Apple's full-stack management of the iPhone layout, development, and production process pays dividends throughout the handset. However, it's most clearly from the silicon, which can be designed and developed in conjunction with the software and hardware components that will rely on it. Last year, Apple revealed the A11 Bionic, a powerful cellular CPU with built in Artificial Intelligence Power. The newest A12 Bionic assembles on that short legacy with a more powerful Neural Engine and much more impressive graphics performance. When I discuss a brand new Iphone, I begin using Geekbench 4 to check out the raw CPU operation. To ensure that there are minimum background processes going, I usually run the exam before I've set up a single app. I ran the Geekbench CPU benchmark and (together with understanding that Apple stuffed an additional gig of memory within the brand new Xs course iPhones) found that the single core scores had improved marginally between the A11 Bionic along with A12 Bionic. However, that the multi-core score was inexplicably lower. Not by a good deal, but I hadn't ever seen that happen. The amounts were still much higher than what I obtained from Qualcomm's Snapdragon 845, however a lower result on the new Iphone didn't make sense. However, once I reran the Geekbench CPU evaluation per day or so after, the A12 multi-core numbers beat those of the A11. My guess is that, though I set up the iPhone Xs and Xs Max as fresh iPhones, there may nevertheless have been some background setup process going on that dragged down the CPU amounts. The bigger leap in functionality is in the Geekbench Compute Metal Score, which jumped from 15,145 on the Iphone X into 22,245 about the Iphone Xs and Xs Max. Apple's done a great deal of work to beef up graphics performance, particularly for the raft of ARKit two (and Surface 2) software heading into the stage, some of which can support multiplayer gaming. While there aren't a lot of ARKit 2 programs in the program store, I did get a hands-on time using an Iphone Xs operating Galaga ARthe identical demonstration Apple showed off during the iPhone Xs unveiling. To play with, me and a couple of other writers stood on a desk and pointed out our telephones at the Galaga video arcade game console. Soon, alien attackers began streaming first from the video game display and from all round us. I swung the phone from side-to-side up and up and down to watch and then shoot the incoming assault. It had been fast-paced and a lot of fun. In the same way, I've seen how, together with ARKit two, the telephone can set, say, a very realistic digital pressure stove or sneaker to a real table or at my toes, the illusion broken only when I slid my hands to the framework and, about the iPhone Xs screen, it looked just like my notes had been stuck beneath the pot. You can't encourage these kinds of real-virtual combinations without ample graphics horsepower, thickness mapping, and the AI required to identify how surfaces, shadows, and even reflections will work on virtual shapes in a real open space. This processing ability also helped amp more ordinary operations such as Face ID. While the procedure for registering my head was unchanged from the original iPhone X, opening either phone with my face, in addition to utilizing Face ID to access password-protected apps and services, is significantly faster than it had been about the iPhone X. Overall, in actual programs, both Iphone Xs and Xs Max run reliably. Apple place massive work into enhancing the photo and movie experience on the Iphone Xs and Xs Max. Along with brand new lenses and a bigger sensor, both the cameras (rear and selfie) are all backed by a fresh picture signal cpu. The technical specs on the double cameras are untouched by the iPhone X (and would be the same on either the iPhone Xs and Xs Max). There is the 1.8 wide angle lens along with the f 2.4 2X telephoto. Both of those comprise optical image stabilization and will shoot around 4K video at 60 fps. They still take slow-motion video in up to 240 frames per second. If you'd like insane 960 fps super-slo-mo, then you are going to have to look to Samsung. In the pure-play photography race, though, Apple requires the head. The Smart HDR uses detector, ISP, and neural engine enhancements to catch a number of the finest high-dynamic range photographs I've ever seen. The gap between what has been possible on the first iPhone X and the Xs and Xs Max is stunning. Apple produced a system suitable of shooting 2 frames each thirtieth of a second, and immediately analyzing and combining them into a single image that preserves not only foreground and background detail, but that can freeze actions without presenting tremendous grain. In multiple images, I saw that the iPhone Xs and Xs Max find colour and detail in dark spaces without wasting out the lighter areas. The Samsung Galaxy Note 9 is also an excellent low light shooter, however I think the Xs line is a little better. I'm particularly impressed with how Apple's built upon its own position position in Portrait Mode digital photography. Apple created Portrait Mode in 2016 using the iPhone 7 Plus (the applications lagged from the hardware). Since that time, Apple's elegant the technology, adding items such as Studio Light, Contour Light, Stage Light, and Stage Light Mono. All these attributes remain, and are somewhat enhanced. That which I love and, as an amateur photographer who regularly performs with f-stops to get just the perfect depth of field effect, is that the newest Depth Control. Depth Control lets you choose a Portrait Mode photo and correct the Bokeh, or depth of field attention, after you shoot the photographs. This works with both front and rear cameras, which means that the image chip is using two different types of depth details. On the rear, it's the benefit of two lenses to find stereoscopic info. The front camera relies on the depth-sensing hardware. I understand, Samsung's Galaxy Note 9 gives the capability to correct background attention as you're shooting the image, as well as after. But, there is an essential difference here that is evident in the iPhone Xs and Xs Max Depth picture editor. It's a slider that lets you adjust smoothly from an electronic f 1.4 aperture to a virtual f16. At a real camera with a mechanical aperture, higher numbers interpret to sharper focus from the background along with reduced numbers imply the focus thickness is significantly shallower. About the Galaxy Note 9, Live Focus basically sees the pictures as two planes: the foreground and background. The slider blurs the background plane. The Iphone Xs's depth slider is based on all of the depth advice to reduce or enhance background focus through all of the planes between the very front of their subject and the background. Together with the enhanced Portrait Mode stitching (handling how the subject and a blurred background fit together), the subtlety of this effect through the selection of virtual f-stops is remarkable and, Apple's explained, is modeled on how actual lenses together with hardware apertures would influence each image. For most people the smartphone is their only camera. This places a pro-level command from the hands of millions of individuals, who are about to begin taking some really awesome portrait photographs. Just after capturing normal pics, movie, and even 4K, I continue to be stunned with the standard of photos and videos coming out of their iPhone Xs and Xs Max. Sure, it is strange that the larger Xs Max doesn't, as might be tradition, have any enhanced picture capturing features, however I doubt anyone is going to be dismayed with the photo quality delivered by either new mobile phone. There are a couple of other hardware-related enhancements, such as the guaranteed dual-sim technology which allows for multiple telephone numbers (believe work and individual numbers of one phone) via the support of eSIM technology. Unlike ordinary SIMs, you don't require a carrier card just for the provider to confirm it and allow it on your phone. It's a wonderful characteristic which, for obvious reasons, I could not test. For sound aficionados, there's also the new stereo recording and wider-stereo playback. This can be relatively hard to check, and I occasionally worry my ears aren't good enough to notice what could be a more nuanced difference. However, I'd find a method. I recordedin landscape mode, a few cars driving by. They begin on the left of this screen and push to the right. In video I recorded together with all the iPhone Xs, the noise travels from one side of the telephone to the other. Playback about the iPhone X is loud but lacks the identical degree of separation noise. Clearly, films with a great deal of sound engineering aren't just great displays for the amazing displays, but highlight the new, wider stereo playback abilities too. As hardware/software relationships go, you can not do better than the Apple iPhone Xs and iOS 12. I have been running betas of their new mobile OS for months on my iPhone X and found it incredibly smooth and stable. About the iPhone Xs and Xs Max, it becomes even better spouses. In addition to butter-smooth and lighting fast operation (in matches, video, and internet browsing), the augmented reality abilities first released into iOS 11, ARKit, along with the iPhone X tend to be far more refined and easy to customize from iOS 12 and the Iphone Xs. The smart assistant is a much better listener than ever, and getting smarter. Her address is much more conversational and she is requesting follow-up queries. Siri can also be more proactive, putting connections between benign items such as locations and schedules and offering them beforehand. There are also a number of third party programs tapping into Siri, allowing you to use only your voice to access program features and data without even launching the app. You can set up iOS 12 on your older Iphone (down into this iPhone 5s), however not all of attributes, particularly those involving AR, will operate on the older devices. Still, I clearly advise the upgrade with anyone operating an Iphone 7 and up. It is simply a much better, more polished, educated, and smart user experience also, to be fair, I have hardly scratched the surface of all of the updates and feature improvements you'll find. Apple claims 30 minutes more battery life involving the iPhone X and Xs and 90 minutes more with the Iphone Xs Max. In my experience, either new phone might get you through the majority of the afternoon on a single charge. I spent one day using only the iPhone Xs Max. I retained the brightness high and ran all types of programs and procedures. It lasted a strong 10 hours. Perhaps a tiny bit less than I expected, but still enough for me through the majority of the working day. In all honesty, with less than a week under my belt, it is difficult to give a full assessment of battery performance. There are so many variables and, obviously, battery life will be good on new mobile phones. Talk to me in 6 months or one year, and we're going to see if I am still satisfied with battery life. It is not strange that Apple did not bring down the cost for the brand new $999 iPhone Xs (or hold onto the original model and market it at a lower price). I'm not even shocked that we finally have a nearly $1,100 version or that we're able to cover a whopping $1,449 for the 512 GB iPhone Xs Max (which happens to be the version that I tested). Apple's already proven that individuals will pay almost anything to get their hands on the latest iPhone. Is $1,000 or more to cover a mobile phone? Perhaps, however many people think about the entire cost instead of monthly payments? I am, however, a little annoyed that Apple stopped the lightning -to-3.5 mm adapter. It's as if, in the last 12 months, we've gotten rid of our audio and Bose headsets, such as it is a solved issue. Memo to Apple: It is not. What I will say is that these are the iPhones you desire. The iPhone Xs does not mess with that which I consider a traditional layout, and also the Xs Max simply takes all that's amazing about the iPhone X and expands it. As a set, they are just as beautiful as the original home-button-free Iphone X. The plan looks especially elegant in a gold finish. Photographers will love the new camera, and gamers and content consumers will want the big-screen iPhone Xs Max. Even if you own the iPhone X, I still wouldn't upgrade unless you absolutely need more realistic augmented reality and full depth control on your portraits. For iPhone 6s, 7, 8, as well as 8 Plus owners, the iPhone Xs and Xs Max is going to feel as a massive leap to the foreseeable future.

#smartphones

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rissa-rey · 5 years

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Apparently my big dick energy is so terrifying that people have resorted to leaving what they think are witty—but really just shitty—comments on my posts, that amount to calling me a “bitch” or “passive aggressive” but then they get scared (I guess?) and block me? Just a couple of things for the peanut gallery:

1. I am a bitch. I own it. I’ve always owned it. You acknowledging it is not going to generate the reaction you’re looking for...

2. Passive aggressive implies that that I’m passive in my aggression. There is nothing passive about my complete and total contempt for you hoes that use my blog or inbox to try to make yourself feel significant by trying to bring me down. Yes, I vent my spleen here but it’s my blog...if you want to act like a cunt, do it on your own blogs like normal people.

3. Making a nasty comment on one of my posts and then blocking me? I can still see the comment in my notifications, dweebs. The difference between you and me though is that I’m not going to waste my time logging out of tumblr to go leave an anonymous nasty gram in your inbox. If I’m going to be a dick to someone, I do it on main. Also, maybe wait more than 30 seconds between leaving said comment, getting scared and blocking me and then sliding into my ask box to call me names or suggest I die on anon. I know y’all only got about six brain cells to share amongst yourselves but waste not want not—try harder.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#anon hate discourse #apparently i got some of the got stans big mad #yall taking this way too serious #game of thrones nonsense #personal

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jamesbvck · 5 years

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change your mind | six

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Modern AU, High School!Bucky) Summary: Senior Year: the last year to be a somebody or a nobody. A chance to fall in love, ace that final exam and make memories. After a terrible first impression, Bucky makes it his mission to fix the mistake he made with the new girl. Will they get their chance? Warnings: swearing, more cliche high school things, flashbacks A/N: hi! since january was only three days, there are some flashbacks to random days in january! feedback is encouraged :)

CYM MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

There were moments when you were on cloud nine; moments that your heart soared and your stomach was swarmed with fluttering butterflies. And then there were other times when you were second guessing everything. There was still slight hesitation and reservations that you had with Bucky and sometimes you wanted to pull the plug and call off...whatever you two were anyway. There weren’t any major red flags but there were still times when you could convince yourself that Bucky wasn’t the right guy for you, that somewhere along the line everything would just crumble. It had barely been a month and you knew that was nothing.

Your classes had changed up for the new semester and you didn’t have any classes with Bucky. He had a free period and moved his schedule around so he could sleep in during first which was pretty smart. But it was okay. You had another class with Steve which was math, and you shared fourth period co-ed gym with Clint and Sam which already proven to be quite the adventure. Those two could be amusing to hang around, especially when you’d turn to run a third lap of the gym with sweat beading down your forehead and on the verge of collapsing, and Clint offers to piggyback you around for the next two laps. Your gym teacher, Mr Lang, really didn’t seem to care much. He always had coffee and some sort of snack with him and half assed the class. It was going to be a breeze.

You did miss history class with Bucky, though. Not so much Mr Pierce, but just the routine of the morning and Bucky annoyingly prodding you with his pencil. It wasn’t all bad, even though he had first period free, he’d get up and drive you to school when it was super snowy. You had told him it wasn’t necessary but Bucky was Bucky and would be at your front door fifteen minutes before school started. Sometimes Becca would be in the backseat, eagerly waving from the window.

Homework dates seemed to be a more frequent thing. Bucky would come over after school and you’d both sit with the TV on, eat some snacks and do homework. Those times would start off with homework but sometimes you’d both find yourself on the couch a little less interested in fundamental learning.

Bucky’s phone had been vibrating nonstop for the last thirty minutes. He’d pick it up and feverishly reply back, setting it face down on the coffee table. You nonchalantly peaked at him as he sat on the couch and you were on the floor with your own work. His brows were tightly knit together and face contoured with discontent.

“Bucky, what’s wrong?” You set your pencil down in your math textbook, rotating yourself to face him.

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

“It’s obviously not nothing,” you countered. “You’ve been working on the same question for a half hour, I don’t even think you’ve written anything new down.”

Bucky sighed deeply, dropping his own pen down and leaned back on the couch. He rubbed the side of his chin as you got up and took the open cushion next to him. “My dad was supposed to come back from a work trip tonight but I guess he decided to fly from Sacramento to Dallas instead for something else.”

“How long has he been away for?”

“A week? Haven’t really countdown the days since I was thirteen. He’s going to miss Julia’s little play at school on Thursday and he was supposed to be at Abby’s parent-teacher interview.”

You got the sense that Bucky’s father seemed to be more absent than not. It made you wonder how Winifred handled four kids on her own, but you supposed none of them were babies and they could all manage to help each other out. It had been just you and your mother for a while and you grew up a little fast having to fend for yourself. You really couldn’t imagine how it must have been a few years ago when everyone was younger and their father went away for a long period of time. Sure, he was providing for the family but family was important too.

“My dad got me into football, right. Well, my dad and my uncle and they taught Steve and I how to play. Dad and I would throw around the ball in the backyard until it was dark. At first it was just for fun then I started to really love it, and I worked hard at it. He’d take me to every youth league practice and game, and if I had a shit game he’d say there’s nothing wrong with trying your best.”

Bucky was rambling and you let him. It sounded like he needed to get some things off his chest anyway and you wouldn’t interrupt him.

“But then Steve’s mom would have to drive me, or I’d have to figure out a way to get there because my mom was taking care of my sisters. My dad got a promotion at the tech company he works for in the city and he started flying around. It was cool for a bit but then he stopped coming to games,” Bucky took a second to breathe. “I did a six week training camp last summer. It was thirty minutes away in Warrior Falls so I’d either have to bus or sometimes Clint or Steve would drive me. Came home one night and there was that Jeep in the driveway and my dad handed me the keys. We didn’t say anything, he just pat my shoulder and went back into the house.”

It was quiet for a few moments. You knew you probably didn’t need to say anything, that simply letting Bucky vent for a minute was enough. His phone vibrated again. You reached over and handed it to him seeing Becca’s name flash across the screen with an eye roll emoji. It wasn’t just affecting Bucky but his sisters, too. Sure, perhaps Bucky and Becca weren’t surprised by it but it wasn’t fair to Julia and Abby who were younger. Bucky cleared the message and set his phone aside.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized.

You blinked in confusion. “For what? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Bucky shrugged. His arm went around the back of the couch and pulled you into his side. He didn’t reply and you didn’t focus on an explanation. But there was the pattern of Bucky seemingly apologizing for nothing sometimes, pre-preventing himself from being some sort of bad guy which you had grown to learn he was rather the opposite. You rested into him, closing your eyes. Homework could wait.

You wandered to your locker after your sleepy first period class. You weren’t too into world geography but it wasn’t the worst class ever. A girl that was in your history class was in this class and you sat beside her, she was nice. The hallways were decorated with cut out hearts and pink and white streamers. There were bistol board signs with large, bold lettering indicating that Valentine’s Day was fast approaching. You could send candy grams and/or roses to your crush or friends. You stopped by one of the tables in the main foyer and forked over ten dollars to get six, one for each of your friends.

You took them with you to your locker having decided on to personalize them for each person. You stuck them into your notebook and retrieved your math book. A tingle shot up your back as a gentle hand touched your waist. Your eyes flickered to your left seeing Bucky with a pink nose from the cold and the black beanie situated on his head was dusted with snow. He was still dressed for the outdoors having not been to his locker yet.

“It’s fucking cold.” Bucky sniffed.

“Maybe you should invest in an actual winter jacket,” you said, brushing the snow off the shoulders of his lettermans jacket. “And I don’t know, maybe a scarf? Gloves? Proper winter garments?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “You sound like my mother.”

“Don’t come crying to me when you get sick.”

He smiled cheekily. You closed your locker and began the daily routine of Bucky walking you to second period as it was by his end of the school. Your hand bumped against his cold one as you strolled, Bucky telling you about how his dad has gotten home late last night. Apparently breakfast had been quiet, only mouths chewing and his father, George, reading the morning paper. Winifred had made a stack of pancakes, bacon, and eggs.

You gave Bucky a half smile. At least his dad was home for a few days, that was something.

You stopped at your math room, turning to face Bucky. “Guess I’ll see you at lunch. Think pizza’s on the menu today.”

“Pizza’s always on the menu.” He chuckled.

“Hats off, Mr Barnes.” Mr Pym was on a mission as he walked by with his briefcase and a stack of papers in hand. But he still had time to make sure students followed the code of conduct.

Bucky pulled off his beanie, “Sorry, sir.” He replied, waiting until Pym was around the corner. Bucky took his hat and neatly adjusted it so it was perfectly slouching on the crown of your head. “Looks better on you anyway.”

You reached up to touch the wool and smiled. “If I get in trouble it’s going to be your fault.”

“You won’t. I promise, only the elderly care about the hat rule.”

The bell rang causing other kids to scurry to their next class. Bucky was already going to be late to his English class. Bucky leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to your cheek. Your insides tangled with a fuzzy feeling. He waved and you wiggled your fingers back, slipping into the classroom. Steve trailed into the room with his backpack on his shoulder, taking up the seat next to you.

“You into beanies now?” He asked, unzipping his bag.

You smiled to yourself. “Maybe so.”

“Looks familiar, think I’ve seen it before.” You could hear the teasing in Steve’s voice.

A blush crept onto your cheeks, shaking your head as you flipped open to a fresh lined page in your notebook. Maybe you were into more than just the beanie.

You spent the entire class half paying attention and half doodling on the candy gram cards. You finished five out of the six, unsure of what to write on Bucky’s. It didn’t need to be anything serious. You tapped your eraser against the top of the desk with the bell drawing you out of your thoughts. You glanced over at Steve as he was closing his books and stuck his pencil behind his ear.

“Coming to lunch, or are you going to endure another round of math?” Steve grinned.

“I don’t even know what the lesson was today.” You admitted, getting out of your chair.

Steve slung his bag over his shoulder. “Maybe that beanie’s on too tight.”

You knocked shoulders with him as you exited the classroom and headed to your lockers. Peggy stood beside your locker since her Economics class was just a few doors down. She waved with a grand smile on her face.

“Heard a rumour in class today.” Peggy said.

“What kind of rumours swirl around Econ? How the American economy is collapsing? That’s nothing new.” You spun your padlock and unlocked your locker, shoving your books up on the top shelf. You took Peggy’s to store in there for now, too.

“No— well, yes— But these girls in the back of the class were gossiping like they usually do,” she started walking after you got your wallet and closed up your locker. “Apparently one of them is working the candy gram station and said Bucky stopped by and bought a pretty penny’s worth of the roses to send out.”

You arched a brow at Peggy. “That’s the hot gossip?”

She shrugged and laughed. “It is when you’re not the girl receiving them. Right, Nat?” Peggy called out to Natasha who was waiting by the stairs. She glanced up from her phone. “Roses are a big deal around here.” Peggy repeated.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “They’re flowers. You can buy them at the grocery store.”

“It’s the thought that counts.” Peggy beamed, practically skipping into the cafeteria.

“Steve’s sent her a rose every year,” Natasha walked alongside you. “Can’t even imagine what gushy thing he’ll do this time.”

You laughed, shaking your head. At least they were actually a couple this time around. Steve was already in line with Sam. Peggy squeezed her way in between them with Steve’s arm going around her as an automatic response to her presence. You and Natasha stood behind some freshmen girls in line who were whispering (and failing) about Steve and Sam. You snickered to yourself as they chatted about how attractive both boys were with Natasha sighing loudly with a short laugh.

It was a short wait before you grabbed your pizza and a carton of chocolate milk, heading to your usual table. You pulled out a chair and bellied yourself up against the table, beginning to eat. Clint and Bucky joined with cold air rolling off their bodies from the bitter outside weather. The smell of smoke stuck to their clothes and you wonder how in the hell they could stand outside in such frigid conditions. Bucky slung his arm around the back of your chair as he drove into a conversation with Steve. Contently you listened and munched on your cheesy pizza, eyes lingering around the room.

You stopped on Connie four tables over. She had a straw biting between her teeth as she sipped on ginger ale, and she was staring directly at you. Her face was scornful and you feared looking at her too long would turn you to stone. You blinked your gaze away, mindlessly adjusting Bucky’s beanie on your head.

It wasn’t a topic that you wanted to bring up. Hell, you didn’t want to talk about it ever. And you certainly didn’t want to bring it up at the championship party for the Valhalla Panthers. They were now crowned five-time New York State champions after their defeat over Xander High. The atmosphere had been electrifying with the crowd storming the field. Truly it was one of the most exhilarating moments you had ever witnessed. You mooned over the fact that they had won.

But there was a speed bump in the way of the right direction and you had to get over it. The low feeling had been eating at you ever since you walked into the party. You weren’t sure whose house this was but it was crammed with people and the trophy was on full display in the living room of the house. This wasn’t the right place with drinks flowing and thick air circulating. Your phone was clinched in your hand, vibrating twice with a new text message. You turned it over with the screen lighting up seeing Bucky’s name and him asking if you had arrived yet. You didn't need any direction to find him. You could hear Clint’s laughter from the kitchen off around the corner and you knew he’d be somewhere over there. Sure, enough he was.

Bucky leaned against the kitchen counter with a beer in hand and a childish grin on his lips. He looked so elated and slightly relieved. Sam was perched up on the island shoving his hand into a bag of Doritos and Steve was humbled by it all. You put on your happy face because truthfully you were and weaved through until you got to Bucky. One of his arms went around your shoulders in a half hug and you pressed yourself to his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“We won!” He whispered against the side of your head.

“I know, Buck,” You laughed softly. “I’m happy for you.”

You pulled back slightly feeling a few nerves build up in the pit of your stomach. You looked up at Bucky whose thrilled expression transitioned into one of concern. Clearly your face was giving away more than you had hoped.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. You were mute and instead took his hand to bring him to another room, one more quiet and vacant. “Hey-- did something happen?”

You sighed, leaving the door to a small room open. “I really should just wait until tomorrow but I can’t and I don’t want to ruin your big night.”

Bucky’s brow pulled together. “You’re not going to ruin my night. I’d honestly rather be sitting in Clint’s basement with my friends and you rather than be here.”

You smiled briefly, wrapping your arms around your frame. “Some girls sitting behind Peggy, Nat and I at the game were talking about you and saying shit like how you cheated on Connie with me. Peggy told me to ignore it but it’s kind of hard too. I know we’re just figuring this out still but… Were you dating Connie when I started here?”

Bucky visibly became uncomfortable with the conversation and you wanted to take back everything you had just said to him. His fingers combed through the front of his hand as his weight shifted from leg to leg. “No. We’ve never… dated. Not really.”

“Not really?”

He sighed. “Connie’s liked me since the tenth grade, and yeah I kinda liked her back for a while too but we’ve never actually dated. We’d hang out and stuff but the more I’d hang out the more I knew we wouldn’t really work out. She kind of became a person I went to when I wanted to be alone but not totally.”

Your arms moved up to fold across your chest, a firm line forming on your lips. You didn’t know Bucky two years ago, you didn’t know anything.

“Did you talk to her about your dad?” You asked.

“Sometimes.” He shrugged. You nodded. “I told her in November that I didn’t think we should really hang out anymore. Didn’t really give her a reason but she was smart enough to figure out why.”

You were the why.

“Nat said that the only reason she wants to be with you is because she thinks you’re going to go pro.” You told him.

Bucky chuckled. “She did suddenly get very into football when we started talking,” his head shook. “What did she say to you on New Years? You never told me.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, debating on whether to spill it or not. Did that part even matter? You had faith in you and Bucky. “She said you’ll get easily bored with girls like me. I’ve got your attention now but give it another week and you’ll crawl your way back to her.”

Bucky’s head was shaking frantically. “No. I’m not--” He paused, humming lowly. He took a few steps towards you. “That’s not going to happen. She’s trying to get under your skin.”

“Kinda worked. I ignored you for most of the night.”

“I don’t want to be with Connie, you know that, right?” You nodded, leaning back against the wall. “I’m sorry.”

“You apologize a lot.” You murmured, taking his hand and laced your fingers together. “I just… don’t want her to cause a problem.”

“She won’t. I promise.” Bucky gave a half smile. You matched his smile and nodded. He lifted your chin a little higher, lips locking in a soft kiss. You let go of his hand, arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer to you.

Thursdays typically dragged on for what seemed like forever. You weren’t sure why but it always seemed like the clock ticked a little slower. It was a struggle to keep your eyes open in geography and more often than not your head bobbed in a short snooze. The bell was your indicator to move on to your next class. Everyone seemed rather giddy since it was Valentine’s Day. Truthfully you never understood the commercialized holiday (plus it wasn’t even a true holiday where you got the day off), but it made people smile so it was something to someone.

You and Bucky had agreed not to do anything, at least nothing big. You had sent him a candy gram along with your friends, but that was something small and lighthearted. Student council was handing out treats in the main area and there was a bake sale going on throughout the day. You grabbed a pink cupcake along the way to math, humming as you went. Steve was already in his seat with a brownie.

“It’s the day of love, Steven.” You mused.

He chuckled. “So I’ve been told. This little girl that lives across the street from me went up and down our road giving every family a Valentine card and brownies this morning.”

That had to be one of the sweetest things you had ever heard. You smiled and set your books down, unwrapping the liner of your cupcakes and took a bite. It was plain vanilla but still tasty. Peggy had been preparing all week for her date with Steve. Apparently there was a new exhibit in the MET that Peggy had been hinting at to the point where Clint told Steve to buy her tickets so she’d shut up about it. It worked. So Peggy had you over almost every night to help her pick the right outfit which ended up being the one she had tried on the Monday night.

Math was more of a catch up period as there had been a substitute in for the last two days. You idly worked on the assigned questions in your textbook, some kids didn’t do anything and were on their phones or talking about anything but math. There was a knock on the door and the kid in the front of the class got up to answer it. Two student council members walked in both wearing pink shirts. The girl was holding a basket of candy grams and the boy had a handful of roses in his hand. They began going around the classroom and gave out the gifts.

Steve got a few. There was one from Peggy, of course, the one from you which he laughed at, and two secret admirer ones. You wiggled your eyebrows as he ripped the Hershey’s kisses off the cards to eat.

“Here you go, Rogers.” The boy handed Steve a rose. You perked up as he took it.

“Peggy sent you a rose?” You asked.

“No. It’s from Bucky. He think he’s funny and had bought one since freshman year. He even drew a heart on the card this time, how thoughtful.” Steve was snickering as you swiped the card out of his hand. It was pure humour.

To: Steven G Rogers Just ‘cause you actually got the girl doesn’t mean you’re not getting a rose. - Buck ♥

You shook your head, smiling to yourself and placed the card back on Steve’s desk. The girl came around and placed three grams on your desk: Peggy, Sam and a half assed one from Natasha and Clint combined.

“And these are for you.” The boy extended his hand holding six roses. Your brows shot up.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Positive.”

You cautiously took the roses feeling a few eyes on you and hear a few whispers. You opened the first card seeing Bucky’s handwriting. There was one simple word written: Smile. You blinked and began opening the rest of the little cards seeing a single word on each: Laugh. Nose. Smarts. Funny. Everything.

You smiled to yourself feeling your cheeks warm in a blush. You wanted to tell him he was an idiot but you refrained, basking in the small moment of affection. Commercialized or not, it did make you feel giddy.

You jiggled holding your books and carrying the flowers to your locker. You were speed walking back to your locker so you could quickly put away your things and find Bucky. Peggy was there with her own rose in hand.

“So the rumour was true,” she motioned to the roses. “Who knew Bucky could be a romantic.”

“Hold these.” You gave her the flowers and tucked your books under your arm. Your fingers dialled through your lock combo, unclasping and opening the door.

A loud pop sounded startling those around you. Your heart was racing, body frozen as pink, red and white dust floated around in the air. Slowly you looked down at yourself seeing paint splattered to your front and a coating of chalk dust. It was everywhere: face, chest, legs, arms, hands. Peggy had her hands covering her mouth with a few paint hits on her clothing. Voices were murmuring with some phones out snapping pictures. Your books dropped to the floor as you wiped the paint away from your eyes and mouth.

There was some muffled laughter coming from down the hallway. You glanced over seeing Connie and her doll-like friends and a few jocks sniggering behind her.

“Oh, that’s for sure going to stain.” Connie quipped.

Your body heat was rising at an incredible rate from humiliation and anger. Peggy sharply turned on her heel, dropping the roses and marched her way over to Connie.

Connie straightened up, arms firmly folded across her chest with pursed lips.

“How childish can you be? Something doesn’t go your way so you hurt others?” Peggy’s voice was loud as she stormed over to the other girl. “Get over yourself! The only person that looks bad right now is you.”

“Do I Peggy? I’m not the one covered in paint.” Connie mused.

Peggy got closer.” You’re a pathetic bitch—“

Sam swooped in between Peggy and Connie before physical contact was made. He gently moved Peggy back telling her to relax.

“Carter. Anderson. Fury’s office now!” Mr Pierce broke through a cluster of students. He glanced to you, pointing. “You as well.”

Your teeth grinded together. You collected your books off the ground, shoving them into your locker and slammed the door shut. You followed behind the others and Pierce down to the main office.

Your fingers curled and uncurled as you sat in a cushioned chair in Principal Fury’s office. Peggy, Connie and you each had a good foot in between each other and no talking was allowed. Peggy was still steaming and Connie looked like a perfect princess as she sat checking her nails. You could cuss Connie to the moon but that still wouldn’t amount to anything.

It was silent, nothing but the clock on the wall ticking.

The door to Fury’s office opened and shut. His footsteps were loud and hard on the ground. Three student files were tossed onto his neatly organized desk. Your manila covered folder was on top with Peggy’s and Connie’s underneath. Fury stood behind his desk with his hands clasped behind his back.

“Valhalla does not accept bullying at any level. We are a community who help others,” the man in charge started. “Miss Carter, I can assume you would not like a strike on your perfect record? Brown, Dartmouth, and Cornell are the schools you applied to, correct?”

“That’s correct, sir. But I don’t believe I’ve done anything wrong. I was standing up for my friend who was bullied by the other person in this room.” Peggy was matter of fact, a stern nod.

“Can you prove Miss Anderson did this?”

Peggy blinked. “I— No.”

Fury hummed, flipping open your file and scanned it over. “Five schools in seven years? Three high schools in four.”

You didn’t want to be in this room. You wish you could teleport to anywhere but here. “My mom and I move a lot.”

“Why’s that?”

You looked up from your lap, tipping your head to the side. “I don’t think that’s relevant to me getting sprayed by paint, sir.”

Fury nodded, turning his attention to Connie. “What were you doing at her locker, Miss Anderson?”

“My biology class is down that hallway, Mr Fury. I was just trying to walk back to my locker to go to lunch.” Connie’s tone was sweet like sugar, oozing with fabricated remarks.

There wasn’t anyway you could flat out prove Connie had set this up. But you knew in your bones that she was the mastermind behind it. Maybe she got one of the dumb basketball jocks to help her out. Either way it was sounding like nothing was going to be resolved right then and there. The office was going to start an “investigation” to see what they could find. Fury was continuing basic questions that weren’t assisting to the incident. Your time was wasting and the paint was drying to your skin and now ruined clothes.

In a quick motion you got up from the chair and flung open the door. Your feet moved quicker than you mind with Fury’s voice a distance away calling for you to come back. You had enough of Connie, enough of her jealous antics. It felt like a game and you were a be played wrong.

“Mr Barnes, I can’t let you and Mr Rogers into the office.”

“Just listen for a sec, Miss Hill--”

Vice Principal Hill and Bucky’s voices collided. He was arguing and she was trying to turn him away at the front desk. You kept walking, not even making eye contact. There was a break in Bucky’s voice when he caught sight of you. He got to the door before you did, grabbing your arm to halt you. His hands cupped your stained face, concern flickering through his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

You pushed his hands away. “I’m covered in fucking paint, Bucky,” you glanced past him seeing Steve stare down at his feet. Your shoulders trembled in a sigh, closing your eyes. “Take me home.”

Bucky opened the office door and walked out after you. He shrugged off his letterman and draped it over your shoulders. You were pretty sure the paint probably wrecked your belongings. You and Bucky exited through the side door to the student parking lot. Not a word was said to his car or during the car ride to your home. You eyes stayed focused on the window. All you could smell was paint and chalk. He parked and you jumped out into the snow. You went around to the back of the house, opening the back door and went inside. It was quiet and you were grateful your mother took an afternoon shift at the hospital.

You shedded Bucky’s jacket and discarded your shoes. He followed you like a ghost, keeping his mouth zipped but you knew he wanted to ask you a million and a half questions. Immediately you turned on the shower upstairs, getting a dark towel and gathered fresh clothes from your room. You disappeared into the bathroom leaving him in your bedroom.

The water was warm as it dripped down your skin. The paint swirled at the bottom around the drain. At least it was coming off. You scrubbed your skin and your face free of the paint. You didn’t know how long you were in the shower until the water started to run cool and your were pruning. You dried yourself off and sat on the edge of the tub. One of the sweaters that you always worn was destroyed, the jeans were maybe salvageable. You tugged on the clean clothes and checked in the mirror to make sure there was no red or pink on your face before exiting the bathroom.

Bucky was sat at the edge of the bed, phone in hand. His head lifted when you closed the door.

“Do you know if Peggy’s alright?” You asked.

“Steve says she’s not in trouble but she’s pissed.” He said.

“Yeah, that makes two of us.” You sat down next to him, burying your face into your hands. “You can go back. Make it in time for your next class.”

“I’m not going back. Think you’re more important than English and weight lifting.” Bucky gently removed your hands. The back of your eyes prickled but it wasn’t worth spilling tears over Connie Anderson. She didn’t deserve that kind of satisfaction.

You pulled the sleeves down over your hands of the light sweater you had put on. “This is stupid right, everything about this is stupid?” You looked over at Bucky. “Does she actually think I’m going to cave in?”

Some part of you wanted to cave only because of how Connie was acting over a guy that didn’t even like her back anymore. Bucky had moved on and it was best she did too. She was stuck in a fantasy.

“I’ll talk to her.”

You gave him a look, shaking your head. “Because that worked so well the last time, right?” You didn’t mean to be so harsh to Bucky but realistically what more could he do, what more could anyone say?

Bucky enveloped you in his arms, pulling you back to lay on the bed. He murmured an apology, one that he didn’t need to say but that’s just how he was. And at the end of the day, he was with you.

“Hey Happy, can you get us two chocolate milkshakes and two burgers for me and my girl here.” Bucky shrugged off his jacket and occupied the chair across from you.

You dusted the snow off yourself, unzipping your jacket and removed your gloves. Happy’s was half vacant, a hum of voices chatting and the TV behind the bar top on to the New York Rangers game. You glanced over at the burly man who owned the diner as he began to make the milkshakes and place in the order for food.

“Heard there was boys movie night tonight.” You said to Bucky.

He nodded, “Yeah decided to ditch it. Besides, Stevie will probably ditch halfway to go see Peggy so no one can be mad at me.”

You smiled lightly as the two milkshakes were placed in front of you. The whipped cream was homemade and spiralled upward high with a cherry on top. You licked some of the cream off the straw and popped the cherry into your mouth. Bucky leaned back in his chair, gazing over at the TV for a few moments to watch the hockey game. From what you understood this was a date, well, you had been to Happy’s plenty of times but there were usually five other people accompanying. Plus Bucky had loosely indicated it was one, a “food date” as he called it. His attention turned to you, the fluorescent lights didn’t do his blue eyes enough justice.

He cracked a smile at your unintentional staring. Your eyes flickered to the table, moving your milkshake glass closer to you. “Isn’t it counteractive to get a milkshake when it’s cold outside?”

“Maybe,” he replied. “But it’s a rule that you have to get one when you’re here.”

“Yeah? Says who?”

“Me.”

Of course, you laughed to yourself. You sipped on the ice cream drink, lashing fluttering as you peered over at Bucky. You had nerves bubbling in the pit of your stomach. The entire week your mind had been swirling from the kiss to bowling to now. You had accepted the fact that yes, you had a crush on Bucky Barnes and it wasn’t going to go away any time soon.

“I like your laugh, you know.” Bucky commented nonchalantly.

One of your brows arched. “You like my laugh?” He confirmed with a nod. You shifted in your seat and stirred around the milkshake. “What else do you like about me?”

Admittedly you were curious because out of everyone in Valhalla, somehow Bucky was struck by you.

“Busting down the gate with a heavy question,” he joked lightly. “I like your smile, I like that you’re funny and can take a joke especially hanging around Clint. You’re smart, real smart. And I like your nose.”

Your head tipped. “You like my nose?”

“Yeah, I like your nose.” He replied, picking up a spoon to scoop some ice cream out of the glass. “I like everything about you.”

Your stomach flipped upside down. He didn’t even know everything about you but you were sinking in the feeling. Happy startled you as he came around with two red baskets that had your burger and fries. You smiled politely, saying thank you as you took the ketchup bottle. Bucky was already a quarter into his burger by the time you had eaten three fries.

You still had your cautious guard but for now you’d wade in the waves.

Friday was a bust. You didn’t get out of bed, nor did you have the will to go to school. After you mother had heard what happened with Connie, she had taken it upon herself to call Fury to give him a piece of her mind. You could hear her stern talk from the kitchen all the way up behind your closed bedroom door. You rolled over, covering your ears with the pillow.

By Monday morning your anger had passed. Your things had been moved into Peggy’s locker a hallway over since yours was still covered in the festive paint. There were a few stares in the hallway as you walked on by fellow students. You kept your head held high and ignored everything around you. Steve gave you a short hug upon your arrival to math but spoke nothing of the situation which you silently thanked him for. It was better to move on instead of moping about it.

Bucky was there outside of the classroom when the bell rang having dipped class early. You gave him a small smile, storing your books in his locker.

“Do you wanna eat here or do you want go out?” He asked.

He had hesitancy in his voice wondering whether it was a good idea to go into the cafeteria where Connie would be. You grabbed his hand, lacing your fingers together and moved forward to the lunch area. Some freshmen shuffled out of the way as you strolled in with Bucky. Your table was claimed already by Sam and Natasha, Sam waving you over.

“Go ahead, I’ll be a sec.” You let go of Bucky’s hand.

You pivoted on your heel and set straight in the direction of Connie’s table. The laughter coming from the table died down as your approached the table. You took at glance at the kids before settling your sharp eye on Connie.

“Connie,” you faux smiled. “I wanted to thank you. I want to thank you for spraying me paint in front of fifty kids and humiliating me. I felt so bad at first for myself but then I realized I feel bad for you. I am so sorry that you think you have to do things like this because your self esteem is so poor. Maybe if you were a little nicer your ugly wouldn’t be on the outside like it is on the inside. So thank you, Connie, and stay away from my friends, me, and my boyfriend.”

Connie’s eyes were glaring like daggers, her fingers gripping her drink with enmity. You twisted back to see Bucky still standing where you had left him with Steve, Peggy, and Clint. Peggy had a smug grin on her face, waving to Connie in spite.

“Are we just going standing here or going to eat lunch?” You asked them.

“After you, m’lady.” Clint motioned courteously.

You led the way to the food line, Bucky’s arm slinging over your shoulder. “So, boyfriend?”

“Status pending.” You pushed his side, smiling. He stopped you before the line, a longing look in his eye before he firmly pressed his lips to yours. Your smile grew bigger. Status approved.

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes #marvel fanfic #marvel au #fic: change your mind #it always ends in a queue

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