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#gotta think of good ones for the other dudes tho
pitl0ver · 2 months
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y’all i just picked up a voters pamphlet for the primaries and 😭😭 trump is in the very fucking back oh my god i’m rolling
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barkingangelbaby · 3 months
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I'm screaming!! sometimes I'll listen to the old audio recordings I have on my phone when I'm bored and there's a decent amount from 2014-2016 where I'm just.. CHOMPING on some cheezits and saying the slowest sentences while high/tripping.. so thankful my friends still enjoyed my company bc what the fuck was I saying???
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vamptastic · 1 year
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$750 for a dogshit apartment with a roommate. with every step to adulthood i can appreciate more and more of the dead kennedys discography
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occamstfs · 1 month
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Diet Diaries
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Hi all! Thank you so much for 500 followers! Here's a little style switch up to celebrate, got a lotta refs in this one and I quite leaned into the diary entries so I hope it's not too much! Hope y'all enjoy this stereotype reversal and as always, best! -Occam
Monday March 21st-
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Andy:
I am beyond sick of Steve. Moving in together was a mistake, I don’t care how cheap the rent is, he is a narcissistic slob and I am eager to never see him again. Well no, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. Our R.A. had this idea to try and walk in each other's shoes, which I don’t know? It might not be the worst thing? My big idea was switching diets actually- honestly I’m just hoping if he ate more like me he’ll stop stinking up the dorm. I can dream at least. Literally though he just can’t go to the gym as often if he eats like me. If I'm lucky at the very least his deodorant will last longer, I cannot take another day of his b.o. seeping through the walls, ugh! Anyway, wish me luck! I’m sure this will be a breeze for me, he usually just eats junk anyway, hope he enjoys my salads~
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Steve:
Andy that little fucker. He was being such a little bitch to James and now I’ve gotta eat his rabbit food for a week or lose this bet or whatever. Steve don’t lose tho. Lil twink’s gotta eat whatever I make him too and you can bet your ass I’m gonna make him match my macros if I’ve gotta starve myself like he wants. Fuck! This shit is going to absolutely tank my routine! I’ve gotta make Andy give up. I’m gonna go so hard on him he’ll have to hit weights if he doesn't want to blow up like a pig. Maybe then he’ll stop bitching any time I don’t fucking shower every time I get back home. 
Tuesday March 22nd-
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Andy:
My Lord! He is trying to kill me! I don’t know how anyone could consistently eat as much as he’s telling me to. I’m so bloated from all this food.. He looks so smug every time he tells me to keep eating, I’m sure he doesn’t eat like this. He’s just trying to break me but I’m not going to let him win this easy.
Ugh, I feel so bloated my pants are so tight on my waist. I didn’t think meat sweats were a thing but man I am needing to put on deodorant like twice a day now and I’m not even exercising. I will say that now that I’m eating so much, I don’t hate the idea of going to the gym. It’s been a while since I went but I should probably at least hit up the treadmill lest I get even more of a gut- maybe I’ll see if he wants to go tomorrow. This is all just an exercise to understand each other more after all, no need to make it a stupid competition like he wants eh~
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Steve:
Fuck! I am so tired of Andy’s pussy-ass diet. I had absolutely no energy at the gym today, I told all my bros that I was just gonna take it easy but fuck! I really was working my ass off and I struggled to even meet a PR I set last week. It was supposed to be a push day and I didn’t even get a chest pump! Why the fuck am I still going. I’m abso-fucking-lutely not getting gains on his fuckin’ bitch-ass salads and oats.
Eatin’ like a fucking twink and the fucker has the nerve to ask to go to the gym with me tomorrow. I’ll make sure he regrets that >:) Gonna work him like a horse so he’ll throw in the towel! After feeling how sore actually working on yourself makes ya, he might actually learn something. I’ll turn in early so I can go all out and show him what a real man looks like.
Wednesday March 23rd-
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Andrew:
Man! I totally get why Steven eats so much now~ I am absolutely raring to go and get this; He said I could go to the gym with him today! He even seemed like he wanted me to go with him! I feel like I have more energy than I’ve ever had before, I might even try some weights!! I don’t know but I’m so excited! It’s like I can feel my chest and biceps begging me to go and hit some iron haha! Or whatever those “bros” say~ I hope he’s got something good planned for lunch because I fuck Sorry! I just want to show him that I can do all this dude stuff too! I’m a man right? I guess all this protein is making me feel more like a man than usual idk. Either way though I’m ready to go! Hope we have some fun!
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Steven:
That bitch’s fuckin’ fru fru salads are ruining my PR’s for sure! I bet he knew that when he begged me to take him to the gym today, knew it was the only time he could show off to me was when I’m so out of it. And he didn't! Just to be clear I could still wipe the floor with  him even if I’m not at my A-game. Ugh, I do gotta hand it to the little fucker though. I KNOW he hasn’t even really set foot in a gym before but man. Beginners luck my ass, as soon as I showed him a technique he lifted like he’s been doing it his whole life! It’s like I could see his pecs and tris swelling up with each lift. Not that I was staring at the bitch or anything but he’s just I just need this fuckin’ diet thing to end so I can get back to my grind, I guess I wouldn’t hate taking him to the gym more often, would be hot to make a bitch into a bro Fuck! What am I writing, I just need to lift again.
Thursday March 24th-
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Andrew: 
Bro! Weird? Whatever, I am absolutely on fire! Steven’s diet is absolutely killer! I don’t know how it’s working so well but man I couldn’t care less, I felt like a pro in there! My coaches in school would always shit on me for not trying but man! I was barely trying yesterday but I could tell from the look on Steven’s face that I was acing it! I guess I’ll have to admit to him that he is definitely onto something with his macros but man, not until he gives up haha! Man, I need to chill haha, it’s not like I’m any stronger than I was Monday but man, looking at myself in the mirror it just seems like my clothes are just fitting better. Catching on my chest rather than my stomach y’know? I’ve never noticed that there is muscle on my arms before but man the way my sleeves are kinda hugging my biceps mm. I need to chill haha! Can’t use all my energy before hitting the gym again today!
OH! Also totally weird, I’ve had to shave twice this week! Once last night and then again this morning which is so weird! I’m not complaining though, it’s not like I wouldnt look hot with a beard right? Although my face is a little itchy already, my chest too? Whatever though haha! Time to head back to the grind lol!
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Steven:
God!! Andy Andrew is being such an asshole! He’s clogging the sink shaving which I know he would so be on my ass if I had done that. Wait, he did get on my ass for shaving! But it hasn’t been a problem this week, it’s like I’m not even growing stubble for some reason? Probably from not working so hard at the gym, is that how that works? Whatever it’ll be over as soon as this stupid diet thing is. We’re halfway through now. Thank God! Because that fucking twink is starting to stink up the dorm which again!! He was such a little bitch all the time to me about that! It’s like he’s literally stopped using deodorant as soon as he started needing it! He’s never exerted himself in his life and now that his pits are sweating at all he’s suddenly allergic to hygiene, ugh! I saw last night too the fucker fell asleep with his head in his pit too so it’s not like he doesn’t know it. 
It was a little surprising actually, cause I would’ve sworn he was hairless like one of those freak cats but man his pit was as thick as my pubes! Thicker maybe, uh? Man I wish I could get that image out of my head, it’s like the tuft was pushing out further each time he inhaled, man that’s kinda hot? Fuck! I swear this twink-ass diet is making me think like him too. I need to sneak to the gym later, without him. I cannot have him getting ahead even while I’m still on his chickenshit diet.
Friday March 25th-
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Steven:
Ah!! That Little bitch! He was already at the gym when I got there! Ugh! It makes me want to punch a wall, or fight him. Or something I dont know! It’s just, he was lifting my body weight on the bench when he saw me, it was so ho ugh! It doesn’t matter what it was, I can’t stop thinking of that smug look on his face- what I would give to wipe it off… That absolute prick knew what he was doing. Ugh, speaking of pricks! He may as well have not been wearing shorts at all by how much his cock was showing through them.
I knew my meal prepping was fucking tight but man, I can’t believe hot its made him. It just really fucking turns me on, or no its such a turn on for chicks. Yeah. Whatever. I need this bet to end already. Clearly he’s totally obsessed with my lifestyle so he should just admit it already! Also, hate to say it, but to Andrew’s credit his diet ain't too bad either. I’d never tell him this, and it is all a little emasculating but my skin has never looked this good. I’m not even doing skincare or anything but it’s like I’ve been on a routine for years, it’s crazy! It’s still ruining my upper gains but man, my ass looks so good it's crazy..
Oh also re: facial hair, I woke up this morning and could’ve sworn I used to have chest hair but now it looks like I’ve got just a little left around my nipples and leading up from my pubes? I might go ahead and shave those too, might as well be totally smooth like a chick right haha, I wonder what Andrew would think? I need to chill haha, maybe I’ll go see if he’s still at the gym~
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Andrew:
Fuuuuck dude lol. I should’ve started hitting up the gym ages ago. Don’t know what I was even wasting time on before I started doing twice-a-days? Studying I guess but I can figure that shit stuff out hm. Fuck it is so much better to be strong than a dweeb. Every set it feels like I’m just busting out new PR’s! Gonna need to buy new clothes though cause I am absolutely tearing up my crop tops, my twinky little wardrobe just isn’t cutting it anymore. Maybe Steven’d be down for a clothes swap, I’ve seen him eying up my fits all week, god knows he’ll fit them better lol. Oh haha, and speaking of him eying things up >:) You should’ve seen his little face blush when he walked into the gym this morning! He looked so pissed at me lol, but I’m not gonna grab him to come along every time I need to get some sets in right? It was pretty embarrassing for him yesterday anyway, the way I showed him up lol. I’m not just gonna sit around and watch him not lift weights when I can figure this shit out myself, thought it was supposed to be his thing though lol.
Mm, saying that though, I def didn’t hate having a little audience from his treadmill. God, his blushing face as he stared directly at my work-out chub. Fuck, it really got me going. It really helped my sets too haha. Maybe I should hit him up lol, I can tell how bad he wants me >:)
Saturday March 26th-
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Stevie:
Ugh! That douche is walking around the dorm completely shirtless! Do you know what it’s like to have an oaf flexing away across the room from you 24/7! He knows what he’s doing, and thank god my dick isn’t showing through my shorts like I thought it usually does because he might literally pounce on me then-
Ugh! I didn’t even mention this morning. I literally woke up to him jacking off his morning wood! Do you know what a bitch-fit he would have thrown if I did that! He would’ve filed a police report, probably the dweeb, or. I guess I could too?? But it was just so fucking hot. I tried to pretend I was asleep, but he totally caught me. He literally smirked and made eye contact as he finished too- thank god he didn’t see my boner as he asked if I wanted to clean up his mess. He’s such an ass! 
I still have a boner now actually, it’s his B.O. driving me actually crazy! It’s like I can’t think near him if he’s going to stink this bad god.. Oh, he’s doing pullups on the door frame fuck. He’s supposed to be hairless but I see sweat dripping from his pits god I can't. God with each pull up his chest looks even more powerful. His cock is bobbing up and down in his pants and I can not look away. Fuck it’s getting even bigger. I’m supposed to be the strong one right? It’s not, fuck. This isn’t right. He just so fucking, god that body, I need him-
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And Drew:
Heh. I knew that fucking twink couldn’t resist me. Every little thing I do wraps him even tighter around my finger. Every flex and smirk turns him on even more I bet he can’t even think straight the way his little dick is losing it in his briefs- I took all his jocks since I’m sure he would need them anymore. Bet the little bitch didn’t even remember they were his.  
Might as well have been drooling when he saw me jacking my cock this morning lol, surprised he didn’t take me up on the offer to lick up the mess. I know he wanted to lol. He’ll get the chance soon enough though >:) God it’s a two-way street though. That fucking twink is so fuckable now, thank god he doesn’t need to shave anymore, don’t want his peachfuzz scratching my cock cause god that mouth is so fuckable now.. To say nothing of his fucking juicy ass, god! I’ve been working out in the room all morning waiting for him to give in and ask me to fuck him, idk if I can hold it in much longer. I might need to jack it again, my balls are bluer than I ever thought they could be, fuck. It’s like they're sore. Ugh I feel them getting heavier, heh, that little fucker cant resist though. God I feel precum starting to pool in my jock. If I put my pit within a foot of his face I give him five before he can’t help but shove his face in. I need to fuck him, but as if I’m going to let him see how desperate I am. Stevie that little fucker. He’ll be riding my cock any second now.
Sunday March 27th-
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Stevie:
Fuck <3 !! He finally fucked me!! God, it was like nothing I’ve experienced before~ His cock was like a beer can and goddd the scratch of his beard as we were making out.. Hehe if I keep thinking about him I might just cum again right now! He can fully toss my body like a ragdoll and I’d thank him ugh! He’s just so hot, and to think he wants to fuck me!! Ah~ I’ll need to keep myself pretty so he won’t get tired of me hehe! Not that it’ll be a problem, I just need to keep on his diet, God who knew it would be this good! I don’t even remember whatever problems we had before all this and I can’t imagine anything better than getting fucked by him <3 Ah! He he~ He’s staring at my ass right now so I guess it’s time for another round! Can’t thank our R.A. enough for this idea, well he he I’ve got an idea for how to thank him, oh! Drew’s ripped off his jock! Wish me luck he he~
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Drew:
My little bitch is so tight, fuck. I’m surprised he can even take my cock but god can he ride it. Gonna have a hard time taking a break from fucking him to even hit the gym. Need to make sure the twink keeps up the diet tho or we’ll have an issue. Be sure to make him come to the gym whenever I do, if not to tighten up then to watch me heh. Won’t hate fucking him in the locker room too. Mm, God his fucking tiny body makes me feel so powerful. And I fucking am. God my bis are the size of his thick thighs, fuck his ass. My cock is straining my jock just thinking about it. His tiny waist ugh, I need my sweaty body over him now. Not like he’ll mind, the horny fucker. Mmm hope he’s ready to take my cock, bet his mouth is already watering heh. Pop my pecs at him and he’ll struggle not to cum on the spot, he better keep it together until I let him though. Can’t be having my bitch blow his load that fast. Thank fuck he’s chilled out finally, though I guess my cock’ll work wonders on anyone >:) speaking of it’s about that time again. Hope he’s ready for some more action, hate to have to find another hole.
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missetbilu · 1 month
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KEEPING A CLOSE EYE*
perv!fred weasley x fem!reader, smut
when fred overhears you and the girls chit chatting about boys that you fancy, he can’t keep his mind from wandering, nor his hand.
warnings: perv concept, jerking off
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"Come on, Y/N, there's gotta be someone you fancy." Ginny elbowed you, trying to get a response.
Angelina, Hermione, Ginny and yourself were in your favorite little spot in the library. A very secluded area, where you could study, sneak in some food, talk, without prying eyes or ears.
Although in that afternoon, you were not very much enjoying the topic of choice. Boys. Too shy to come clean about your little crush, you would much rather gossip or even focus on the charms essay due next week than engage in the conversation. But the girls were not having it.
"Yeah, even Hermione admitted to being completely, head over heels, in love with Ron." Angelina teased.
"Hey!" The girl blushed and looked away for a second, but curiosity got the best of her and she gave in to the argument. "She's right tho, you're the only one left."
"I just don't think of any guy here like that."
"In this castle full of boys, you expect me to believe not even a single one of them is your type?" Ginny said.
"Unless you're into girls."
"I'm not." You laughed at Angelina's curious expression. "I like men."
"Then name one you would" Hermione stopped herself mid sentence, suddenly a bit shy, "...you know."
"Fuck?" Angelina completed her thought and they all laughed, Hermione also shushing her and looking around to make sure they were alone.
"Alright." You took a deep breath and tried to sound as nonchalant as you possibly could. "I guess Fred is kind of cute."
"Aw dude, are you serious?" Ginny's disappointment was so clear in her face that the three other girls bursted out laughing.
"Shhh, guys, I don't wanna get kicked out." Hermioned said between giggles.
"Sorry, babe, but this was too good not to laugh at." Angelina responded, still chuckling.
"Too good? All my friends wanna fuck my brothers."
And you all fell into laughter again.
-
It had been a week since Fred discovered that spot of yours to hang out. Whenever you and the girls disappeared from his sight, he would get anxious, wondering where you might be.
Until the day he was looking for a potions book, but found something far better: you.
He managed to hide in the corridor next to the one where the group of girls would sit on the floor and chit chat. Usually he took no interest in the conversations you would have. But not that day. Throughout the whole week he listened to each silly subject the girls brought up, only paying attention to the sound of your angelic voice when you made a comment. That day it was different. Once the tables turned from homework to guys you fancied, Fred felt his heart skip a beat.
He was nervous, his palms becoming sweaty as each of the girls rambled about one boy after the other. He barely listened to the guys his sister brought up, nor to the mentions of his brothers. What mattered most to him was what you were going to say. He was so afraid of hearing another man's name fall out of your pretty lips; so afraid you would confess to feeling attracted to someone else.
But he was also infatuated with the possibility of his name being the one in your mind. You quietly listened to what your friends had to say, too scared to say something yourself, Fred saw that in your expression as he tried to eye your figure from the place where he was hiding. Just thinking about it, being him the person you kept yourself from mentioning, made his trousers feel a bit too tight. His hand travelled down to his growing bulge, but he didn't move it, he didn't want to risk not hearing you.
Your silence allowed his imagination to run wild. Maybe this whole thing got her thinking about how good I would fuck her, and she's afraid of sharing those filthy thoughts. He stroked his cock once, over the fabric of his clothes. Or perhaps she's so lost in the desire of getting filled up with my cum, she didn't even notice how quiet she's been... oh fuck... He did it again and had to hold back a moan.
Fred knew he shouldn’t, but it was as if he had no control over his actions. His hand slipped past his boxers and he stroked his dick, trying so hard to imagine it was you doing it.
Has she ever had a wet dream with me? He wondered. She would wake up sweaty and out of breath. Her panties are completely damp, but it's not because of the sweat, it's arousal. I bet she would be embarrassed, looking around the dorm to see if the other girls are sleeping, before she goes under the covers and... He gasps quietly, his hands going a bit faster now. And she lets her hand touch her dripping cunt... He bites his lip to stop himself from cursing. Her sweet fingers would tease her clit and she wouldn't be able to stop a moan of my name from coming out.
"Alright." When the word left your mouth he slowed down his movement, focusing on the head of his member. It was almost painful the way he teased his tip, trying to pay attention to what you were about to say. He even held his breath, that and the expectation making him even more sensitive. "I guess Fred is kind of cute."
Fred was really thankful for the loud laughter of the group that followed your confession, because the minute he heard your sugary voice saying his name, it was too much. He came in his hand with a low grunt.
He didn't listen to anything said after that. He didn't move or took his hand off of his trousers. He was in shock. As much as he wanted that outcome, it felt unreal now that it happened. He had imagined how you would sound saying you fancied him, what words you would choose and what exactly would be the look on your face. But none of it compared to the reality of it all.
You, such a perfect picture of beauty, intelligence, kindness. The most incredible, endearing and angelical woman he had ever set his eyes upon, out of all people, wanted him.
Fred waited until you all had left to pick himself up from his spot on the floor and attempt to use some spells and his robes to hide the stain in his pants. He did a good job, it wasn't too noticeable, but deep down he didn't care. There was something, or rather someone, much more important in his mind.
He stood in front of the corridor where you had been just a few minutes before. "I guess Fred is kind of cute." That played in his head over and over again, like a broken record. And Fred definitely didn't want to fix it.
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worldlxvlys · 4 months
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FOR THE DWB W MATT PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE DO A FIC WHERE HE COMES OVER N THE GUY IS STILL THERE I WANNA SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN🙏🏻🙏🏻 YOU DONT HAVE TO THO ID JUST LOVE TO SEE IT👁️👁️
lose your shit
dwb! matt x reader
warnings: mentions of sex, violence, mentions of blood, cursing
based on these texts, it won’t really make sense if you don’t read them.
a/n: the guy’s name is alex, i hope you like this <333
shit shit shit shit.
this is not good. i look over to the man laying in my bed, he was in a dead sleep.
matt doesn’t live that far away, maybe 10 minutes tops. however, he could have left before he even sent that text.
fuck.
i began to shake alex awake. “you gotta wake up, dude”
after a few seconds, he stirred and opened his eyes. “what’s wrong?” he asked, letting out a yawn.
“nothing. you just really need to fucking go”
“alright damn, but what’s the rush?”
“please just hurry up, i don’t have time for this” i said, pulling him off the bed.
“damn, was the sex that bad?” i didn’t even answer, just looked him up and down.
“alright, jeez” i collected his clothes from the floor and handed them to him.
he took the hint, beginning to get dressed.
when he was done he just stood there.
“was there something else you needed?” i asked trying to figure out why he wouldn’t leave.
“can i at least brush my teeth?”
“does this look like a fucking hotel to you? take your shit, and get out. now.” i answered, starting to get annoyed.
he just stared at me, mouth open.
“you do have a tooth brush and running water at your house, correct?”
“well, yeah. but-“
“ok that is amazing, lovely, the quicker you get out of my house, the quicker you can take care of your dental hygiene” i said nudging him out of my room.
i pushed him all the way to my door. maybe there is hope for this man after all.
when i opened the door, there stood matt.
fucking hell.
that has to be the worst timing i’ve ever had in my entire life.
his eyes immediately snapped toward alex. “what the fuck are you doing here?”
“i could ask you the same thing, matty-boy”
they know each other.
the two men stared at each other, never breaking the intense glare.
“oh great! you two know each other! well, alex was just about to head home so, y’all can catch up later” i said, trying to get him to walk away.
“actually, i think i’m gonna stay” he said, looking matt up and down.
well, shit.
this was like something out of a god damn movie. and while it didn’t surprise me that matt was acting this way, i wasn’t expecting this from alex.
alex did not seem like the type of guy to start a fight, he seemed more like the type to run away from one. he simply wasn’t built for it, at least, that’s what i thought.
matt clenched his jaw before grabbing alex by his shirt, pulling him outside and pushing him against my house.
“jesus christ, matt” i said in shock.
“what ya gonna do matty? gonna hit me?” matt did just that, swinging at alex’s face.
“you need to stay the fuck away from her. got it?”
“no can do, matty pooh. i can’t lie, she’s a good fuck”
matt didn’t like his comment, as he pulled his fist back to punch alex again.
alex, however, was quicker this time. he caught matt’s fist with one hand and swung at him with the other.
yeah, i was definitely wrong about alex.
“hey fuckers! i don’t know if you’ve noticed but my house is white. it’d be lovely if you didn’t get blood on it !” i yelled, making matt turn his head towards me.
alex took advantage of matt’s distraction to land another blow to matt’s face.
that shit looked like it hurt.
i then pulled matt away, placing myself between the two.
“you two need to get a fucking grip” i turned to alex. “walk away before i call the cops on your ass”
i turned to matt, “you’ve made your point, let him go”
matt gave him one last glare before gesturing alex to go. with that, alex walked off “your face isn’t the only place i left marks ” he mumbled.
matt started to walk after him, but i placed my hand on his chest to stop him.
i tilted my head at him, looking into his eyes. “it’s fine. just let him go” he looked at me, eyes softening, and nodded.
once i heard alex’s car door shut and him drive away, i pulled matt inside “come on”.
i brought him to my bathroom, pulling out my first aid kit.
“did he actually mark you up?” he asked, as i grabbed a wash cloth for his face.
“no, matt. he was just trying to get under your skin” i said as i ran water over the cloth and brought it to his face.
i began to clean his cuts, making him grimace. “i know, i know. sorry”
my tongue poked out a little past my lips, as i continued to clean his cuts.
he stared down at my lips the whole time, not saying a word.
“all done.” i said as i finished up. i started to reach over him to grab a bandage. “lemme just grab a-“ he suddenly grabbed my arm halting my movements as he studied my face.
my face felt hot under his gaze, as i tried not to show how nervous he made me. without another word, he grabbed my face, pulling me in for a kiss.
he kissed me with passion, like he was pouring all of his emotions into it. it wasn’t hungry or lust-driven. it said all the things that we could never say to each other’s faces.
he pulled away, pressing his forehead to mine. “what was that for?” i asked, eyes still closed.
“i need you to know that i care about you” my eye opened at this, staring into mine.
“i’m not using you for sex. i could never do that, baby. and i’m so sorry i ever made you feel that way. you are the most important thing to me. i can’t lose you, and i couldn’t live with myself if i let anything happen to you.”
he pecked my nose.
“i know that you’re capable of making your own decisions, and i’m not trying to take that away from you. but i know that guy and he’s not the type of person you want to be around. i can’t just watch him ruin you.” he moves a piece of hair out of my face.
“so i’m sorry that i just showed up here. i’m sorry i lost my shit. i’m sorry about the blood on your house” we both chuckled.
“but i can’t help it when it comes to you, you drive me crazy”
“hmm i don’t know i kinda like it when you lose your shit, it’s hot” i said as our noses touched.
he pushed my hips against my sink.
“good” he said as he went in for another kiss.
🌀🌀🌀🌀
hope you liked :)
masterlist
tag list: @lovingsturniolo @lustfulslxt @gwenlore @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @chrissturnioloswifey @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @chrisdevora @cupidsword @nickmillersn1gf @stramboli4life @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @vib3swithanuk @ciarasturn1 @bethsturn @sosmatt @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @soursturniolo @rac00ns-are-c00l4
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azulock · 5 months
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Sfw relationship hcs for shidou ryusei
- we know he's insane but he gives off puppy dog vibes
(momma boy vibes too)
He's insane but he's the fun kind of insane, so ideally you gotta be the same type of insane so you can both do weird shit together. Which is the best way for a relationship to work, just find someone who is your kind of crazy and do crazy shit together.
ryusei shidou sfw relationship headcanons
⟳ Like, first up, you can only date this dude by being on the same wavelength as him. Not the type to control himself just cause someone is uncomfortable with who he is. So you either enjoy his way of life even if you don't share it or you actually are just as crazy, which is even better.
⟳ Big on communication, but sadly he can't modulate how he speaks properly so it's always aggressive communication. He doesn't mean any harm and once you get used to it it's pretty easy to tell when he's just excited and when he's angry. But he is always very honest and straight forward which is great.
⟳ The "will try anything once" kind of guy, just in general. Will try your hobbies and favorite games and shows and what not. If you don't want him getting involved in something you gotta say it, cause he doesn't understand you sometimes need something that's only yours. If he doesn't like something he won't do it again, but you are guaranteed one attempt.
⟳ Overly excited and a bit too intense - yes, like a hyperactive puppy - but that's only because he cares. His way of showing affection includes wanting to involve you in his things, so get ready for adventure I guess. If you really don't wanna do something you can say, he's gonna mop a little but will recover. Do try to give things at least one chance, tho.
⟳ The naked neighbor, cause a body is just a body, and everyone got one, there is no shame in that - and no body part is inherently sexual so fuck it. He's comfortable with being naked so you'd better get comfortable with him being naked, and maybe get comfortable with your own naked body too. Of course, sleeps naked.
⟳ On that note, naked cuddling - might turn sexual or not really, he just likes skin contact. Lots of physical affection from him, tho not always cute. He is one of the haphazard cuddlers, just throwing himself over you without care. Also a biter, randomly chomping on you when you least expect it. And oh yeah, he doesn't care what people think, so he doesn't mind PDA.
⟳ Very genuine but not very romantic, so his type of dates won't be the going on a cute picnic or taking you to a fancy restaurant types. It's gonna be more like, going to some shady unknown place with weird ass food, taking you to a midnight double feature of old horror movies, skinny dipping in a beach late into the night when nobody's watching. It's always an adventure with that one.
⟳ Not very good at remembering things tho, like anniversaries and birthdays as well as tasks and other run of the mill things. He doesn't mean any bad from that but it's just not something his brain focuses too much on. He's more a spur of the moment type of guy so ordinary things can get left behind. Requires a bit of patience but it can be worked around.
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crushedsweets · 4 months
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I loved the ask about ticciwork what it would be like if they were able to date! Now I was wondering what that would be like with Jack and Toby!
Though I’m not sure if they have the same chemistry as ticciwork. 😭
Btw you have forever engraved ninakate to my soul LMAO I love them so much!! ❤️
I ABSOLUTELY CAN i think theyre super cute + i have a really sweet ticcijack ask i wanna draw soon. im gonna go off on a tangent about their upbringing and how that'd impact their sexuality tho, cuz i think that'd be relevant .
this was written more like notes for a one-shot of them getting together, rather than the format i did for ticciwork
ok. so for starters, toby has a huge wall to get over. i dont really have sexuality hcs for many of the creeps (jane and kate r lesbians, lius a gay man, ninas bi are my only concrete hcs) BUT i know toby's upbringing involved his dad constantly demeaning him for being 'feminine' (anytime he did something with lyra), a pussy, calling him slurs, telling him to man up, insulting any gay man he might see on tv, etc. and toby hates his dad, so he'd have an easy time being like 'ok whatever old man like i give a shit if a guy fucks a guy' BUT he would still feel a ton of guilt and shame if he were attracted to a guy.
jack might be a little similar, not because his dad was constantly berating him, but he still grew up in a pretty traditional house and his uncles/cousins would often tease him cuz he liked to cook and bake and had a lot of empathy. but he also went to university, and while it was still in alabama, a lot of colleges and stuff are a lot more progressive so it wasn't something he dwelled on much. live and let live, basically
AND AS A RESULT, it would be MUCH harder for either of them to make a move. toby would push any feelings down so fucking fast, and jack would just shrug it off and say he doesn't have like.. the "right" to have such emotions. after all he's done.
but they've also had a ton of intimate moments. the amount of times toby's been sat in his boxers while jack has to stitch up his stomach is kinda obnoxious. the amount of times jack checks toby's temperature and scolds him for dumb shit. toby scoffing and grabbing jacks wrist to pull his hand off, but his touch lingers
jack wears his mask a lot, but toby would make a comment. "i wanna see what you look like. it cant be THAT bad." and then jacks like ? asshole. so toby backtracks and is like "ok but if it is bad, thats kinda cool" and jacks like 'dude shut up'. but then toby would try and go on about 'im serious man you're over here stitching me up every other week and im practically the only person you talk to. let me see' and jack thinks about it. maybe not that day, but eventually he would.
if toby has already kinda come to terms with liking guys, OR he's so oblivious to his own feelings, he might say something stupid like "oh shit you're hot dude why do u wear that stupid ass mask" and jack would get embarrassed. and try to put it back on, but toby would snatch it and toss it on some counter and say "ok well now i know so stop wearing it" and jacks like. ok. fuck you. fine.
and toby stares a lot. like. a lot a lot. and jack kind of knows. the echolocation and thermavision helps him know toby's head is turned his way, but he can't exactly pinpoint where toby's eyes are. but he keeps turning away
toby would eventually just ask 'you gotta know im looking at you , right?' and jack is like ...well i thought so. thanks for confirmation. and toby laughs it off but jack is getting embarrassed
jacks feelings would develop slowly and he'd recognize every single moment he feels something. tobys would develop more rapidly, but he has no fucking idea what he's feeling is romantic. he thinks jacks attractive as fuck, he likes intelligent people, he likes how jack challenges tobys toxic ass mindset (only after the fact, hates it in the moment), and jack does a lot for him. patches him up, cooks him good meals.
the ask i mentioned said something about jack touching toby's lip and toby keeps looking at jacks lips and theres crazy tension etc etc etc. i genuinely dont know who would kiss who first.
if it were jack, toby would sit there kinda stunned, and jack would pull away and fumble out an apology. then toby tells him to do it again. and again, and again.
if it were toby, jack would immediately kiss back. he's had it on his mind for a long time, but genuinely didnt think anything would come.
toby would ask what now. he wants jack to set some sort of guidelines. he hates rules but holy shit does he not know how to navigate this, not with jack. jack would shrug it off and theyd try not to talk about it. toby might not come back to see jack for a while, but end up really hurt and dragged there to get his arm popped back into place. and jack would have to ask why he stopped visiting.
toby would admit it, finally. something about 'because i fucking like you and its really fucking weird and i dont wanna ruin the whole medic patient pal thing we got going on but this entire fucking time ive been avoiding you, im thinking about you a hundred times more'. and jack would ask why he thinks its weird. and theyd talk for a while
jack would ask toby if he could kiss him again, and toby would say yes.
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lonelystarrs · 10 months
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𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐞𝐢 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬
𝐵𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑢 𝑆ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑒𝑖 𝑥 𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 | nsfw with some sfw | 18+ MDNI |
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So, this is inspired by the ask I got about Barou having a Primal Kink.
☽. Hmm, you know idk… I can see that but think it would be mild and more focused on an just the alpha mindset in dom’ing. Can’t see him growling much, it I defo think he’s gonna drool when he gets feral. he’s gonna be deep grunting and aggressive with his words when he’s feeling good. ‘Fuck’ is gonna be used a lot and he will growl out words, not noises. Absolutely use the terms he’s your alpha, your king. But think it’s more psychological for him, like he gets off on getting his mindset like you’re a mate and his alpha.
☽. You are gonna need a safe word with him, maybe even a back up safe word.
☽. Really think he would give the perfect balance of degradation and praise though. Absolutely loves close sex so you’re consumed by him or forcing you to watch yourself, he’s gonna have his mouth to your ear talking/grunting right in it. Perfect blend of rough but loving.
☽. Don’t think he’s a big kisser in general, won’t do it much during sex either. Big on forehead kisses though, putting you in a choke hold and pulling you in, kissing temple, forehead.. if lips he’s gonna pull hair back, cup back of your neck and pull you up. -slow but rough kisser as well, has some weird combination of gentle when he bites your lip.
☽. he’s gonna be possessive around other guys (cough* Nagi, Isagi and you aren’t going near Oliver so don’t even acknowledge you know he exists *cough) but not obsessive or controlling at all outside the house.
☽. I don’t think he would like being ridden, only way you’re on top is him allowing it and jack hammering up into you whilst just letting you hold onto him for dear life if he hasn’t pinned your hands behind your back.
☽. Prone Bone, doggy, missionary and mating press.
☽. After care KING. Not words, but physical. He’s gonna clean you up, whilst he’s doing it he’ll check you over to see if he’s gone too far but he will act like he isn’t looking, he’s gonna bring you pudding when he gets himself one if he’s proud of you handling him. But he isn’t saying a word. don’t expect spooning, but you’ll be pulled into his chest with an arm around your shoulder or waist, fingers mindlessly tracing patterns… other arm behind his head and he will be trying to act cool about it.
☽. He has pudding after good, rough sex. You know he’s had a good session when his cheeks puffed out from shovelling pudding into his mouth, sat on the sofa.
☽. Definitely has a size kink (body wise loves seeing how small you get under him and everyone would), but I don’t think he gloats about his body or dick size though tbh… I think he’s pretty flippant/humble about it he doesn’t need to brag. Knows he is a huge guy (in every way this dude 1000% has a dick for days, horse cock ahoyyyy!) he has the height & the build… so he’s gonna make anyone look small under him…
☽. I think he would like watching too, more videos than just watching himself in the mirror. Like seeing himself get you in a state and all dick drunk, the visual of both of you would boost his ego and get him feral. Probably to challenge himself to go even harder. As said earlier, forcing you to watch in the mirror whilst he watches absolutely his thing keeps eye contact in the reflection too…. Oh man I gotta write a fic on this now 😈 this is all giving me ideas. 👑
☽. Speaking of hard -he fucks hard but slow, he wants to be watched. He’s precise as well, he’s thinking about everything and he’ll get nasty fast when reaching his end tho.
☽. Orgasm control? None -don’t think he’s a huge tease and he will just want you over stimulated and have as many as he can drag out, he ain’t delaying it he’d rather see you suffer from too much because that gets his ego going more. He’d rather see you beg and cry because of too much and close to breaking.
☽. Reckon he will actually be insecure about someone staying around as well, I think he’s aware he is difficult to be around. Also, when snuffy said about how much would he love himself if he wasn’t viewed as a genuis? Just think that’s insight to his mindset, I think he’s a heavy thinker and it’s why he bowls alone for ‘me time.’ I think Barou is actually kind tbh, he’d be a great boyfriend—difficult but great.
☽. I don’t think he sleeps around at all. I think he’s so fussy on who he lets in, not to mention his cleaning issues I think he’d struggle sleeping around cause of that as well. Plus he has three sisters that I bet taught him to respect women, he’s too prideful to cheat or dick around. It’s prob viewed as dirty & cowardly to him. He’d low-key want his other half knowing they have the best, he’d get a man pride boost from it all as well… can’t you just see him stood there, arms crossed, that mouth with its usual slant pretending to be tough and unbothered but his eyes beaming/little stars flying off him if you praised his cooking or cleaning? Yup 😂
☽. I reckon this guy eats food for days as well, huge appetite! Literally has cheat days and loves them, I think he’s got a pretty big sweet tooth, if you can cook well you’re probably gonna win him over, cleaning is a must that’s canon. But you know he’s gonna take over cleaning anyway. He’s a total foodie.
☽. Different guy at home compared to on the field or when with the guys, he’ll tone it down but he’s still Barou so don’t expect him to turn into a saint. -his home, his rules. You’re gonna get scolded if something isn’t ironed properly and don’t think you’re ever making the bed —fact he’s gonna do it because it gives him that man pride sensation.
☽. He’s an ass guy, thighs too and I think he’s gonna go for shape, curves etc likes a small waist and a big ass and I kinda think he’d go taller with height like 5’7ish. Cause then his size kink can really kick in and he’s a tall guy as well! Really think he goes for a woman, prefer a little older than him too I reckon 👀 maybe year or two. None of this really girly crap with him, won’t do sugar babies attitudes. But he does like feisty girls, you need some hold your own stand your ground attitude because he will enjoy brat taming someone that’s a challenge… and he’s gonna be proud if you hold your own against him/anyone else. No room for cry babies or overly emotional with this dude. Whiners & whinge bags begone, this man ain’t tolerating that crap.
God damn I need to write a fix for him now based on all of this. *sighs and cracks fingers*
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© pharix 2023 permission is not given to repost, translate or post anywhere else. These are headcanons -not given permission to be used to form your own story ideas or plots.
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pisspope · 9 months
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rei and zeke bday hcs cause like,,, why not (but also bc its what the ppl voted for)
tw: implied sex, references to canon typical violence
zeke
- its not that his parents didn’t celebrate his birthday at all its just,,, it was usually a small affair with influential PTA members and their kids. in other words, no one zeke got along with. very much a “seen not heard” while the grown ups sip mimosas type deal
- and of course zeke does everything in service of disappointing his parents so!!! its party time
- honestly u could try to throw a surprise party but good fucking luck this man is snoopy as all hell. every time ur out just a little too long with pieck or porco (they’re bickering over how early to buy balloons) he’s got u on the horn like “i know ur planning something”. would never accuse u of cheating bc he fully believes his own hype and knows u wouldnt DARE cheat on Adonis Himself (Narcissus more like but w/e)
- so yeah he’s probably at least a little involved in the planning of it all, wants to backseat drive because hes “not a loser who plans his own birthday party”. sending u screenshots from his notes app with his favorite colors, songs, what cake he wants, etc. lowkey insufferable
- day comes and you’ve rented out the kid’s bday party section of a bowling alley/arcade and filled it with every friend you can think of that isn’t vaguely shitty or hasn’t been burned by zeke in some way. so like… maybe 10 people, gabi and the kids included so they have a believable cover story if the staff asks who the party’s for. not that they’d care but zeke loves to play like he’s so sNeAkY and sHiFty by telling everyone it’s a party for udo or something.
- that man can BOWL and he’s an ass about it. the sorest winner in the world. in every universe he will knock down 10 or more little dudes with a rock and cheer and whoop and holler like an idiot. jeering at porco when he gets a gutter ball and you see reiner pull him aside like “just let him have it today. its his big day.” as if it is not ALSO reiner’s big day
- played with the idea of him getting a devil’s food cake and reiner getting an angel’s food cake for the lolz but he’s not sharing a party on his life so. coffee cake 100%, both because he likes it and because the kids don’t, which means more to take home. schemer that he is
- does ask for gifts but is pretty insistent about it being under 20 dollars (so he can see who overspent and ACTUALLY loves him. male manipulator). falco gets him an officially licensed sock monkey and he cries (pussy). whispering to u after that if his parents ever die horribly he’ll adopt him
- heading to the connected arcade after and, second verse same as the first, he kills at skee ball. breaks the record on each machine one after the other just to show off, gets all smirky holding the wad of tickets, talking about how he “does it all for uuuuu” and gives u the wettest sloppiest kiss on the cheek just to embarrass u
- does actually give u all his winnings tho. the high score, the posterity, the want to be remembered,,, the ego boost is enough, u can have the 2100 ticket pikachu plush <3 (u will never hear the end of this. i pity u)
- def gets home with his leftover dessert in hand and gifts in bags on his wrist, smile more genuine than usual. opening the door and letting u in, gifts and food quickly forgotten in lieu of giving you a proper thank you for helping put all this together
- 100% squeezing ur ass and asking if there’s any leftover cake for him, knowing it’ll make u roll your eyes but that you’ll relent bc the cheese is part of the charm (and boy when he gets that treat he asked for? he EATS)
reiner
- something something something same birthday complete opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of how they celebrate it
- wants his bday to be a nice quiet affair with the people he loves most, his little found family and maybe karina if hes feeling generous that year
- if u plan a party in any capacity hes gotta be part of the action! wants to hang streamers, balloons, any little things you decide on to spruce up your place for the event (please don’t call it an event he can’t handle the pressure)
- also u can’t have a cookout bday bc he will insist on working the grill the whole time. shark coded, will drown if he isn’t doing something 
- the party itself is extremely laidback, feels more like a big hangout. ordering 3 of his favorite type of pizza, bringing out beanbags and comfy chairs from other parts of the house so everyone can sit in the living room together. gabi and falco take the tv hostage to play video games and colt and bertholdt somehow get roped into it. it’s raucous, but comfortable.
- u and gabi collab on a homemade cake, but reiner is the baker in the family and gabi just likes the excuse to make a mess. end up making some easy cookies and buying a walmart sheet cake, and its a good thing, too, because just the sight of his name is enough to make him tear up. “you didn’t have to do all this” what, make a phone call to get ur name on a cake? the bar is on the floor unfortunately
- no presents because he can’t handle the pressure, but there’s a couple cards and his lip trembles over each one. zeke gets him a card that’s obviously for kids with stickers inside but he tears up at that one too because “it even comes with a little gift… so thoughtful…”
- rest of the party is spent doing more of the same, a couple beers are thrown back, maybe tosses a football around or something. very classic suburban white picket fence dream party. it brings reiner a quiet joy, one that he keeps close to his chest, a memory that he’ll look back on over and over.
- the guests start to filter out one by one until its just u and him, picking up paper plates, putting away leftovers. its all very domestic, it might actually be reiner’s favorite part. to just be with u in companionable silence, scooting around and putting the house in order. domesticity is something sacred that he never thought he’d have, and its a joy to share it with u.
- he INSISTS on sitting on the couch with u after, gives u those big eyes that he only gets when he wants u to pet his hair, falls asleep to one of his favorite comfort films with your hands on his head, totally content
- wakes up in the wee hours and carries u to bed like the big bear of a man that he is, not expecting anything of you, just wanting u to be comfortable. tucks u in and gives u a kiss like it’s your birthday or something
- and it’s not a gift bc reiner specifically requested no gifts, but if he wakes up to u wearing something special the next morning, something that leaves nothing to the imagination, i mean… maybe the party doesn’t have to be over quite yet
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angelyuji · 2 months
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yandere superman headcanons
tw kidnapping, "nice" guys/incel behavior (kinda), isolation as punishment, manipulation, yandere stuff... the usual
yandere clark kent x gn!reader
diana prince is next guys I LOVE WOMEN!!! lemme know abt any tags i miss or just any other superman thoughts (yandere or not) cuz i love superman a lot
hes so big and buff and strong
hhnhsdngnnhnhnngnfhgnnngngn
sorry
ive been obsessed with superman and lois recently and i thought to myself “i need him so bad id do unspeakable things”
ALSOOOOOO have u guys seen the new superman??? ohmygodddd HELLOOO SAILOR
anyway here we go :)
sweetest kindest angel alive… at first glance
actual clark is genuinely the best sweetest guy in the world and i don’t think that would technically change but if anything he’d start buying into the incel/nice guy pills and that’s what would warp him
he’s literally sooo sweet to you (i cant get over how much a of cutie pie clark kent is)
ok pause lemme start from the beginning
when he first met you, he was e n a m o u r e d like he thinks youre the most beautiful person in the world type stuff
at first, the relationship is normal, you guys are friends, study buddies, coworkers, yk normal shit
he’s still super in love but hes kinda aware that its one-sided and he can’t make you like him
you guys are super close friends tho
but as his crush progresses, he starts to consult more than his friends and normal relationship advice, he starts to consult incel chatrooms and subreddits
he wants to go further than friendship with you, but all the guys in these chatrooms are telling him awful things abt u. for example:
‘hi! requesting help for getting out of the friendzone with my friend’ i’ve been friends with them for a long time, but i see them as more than a friend. ive had to watch as they date all these awful people and i just want them to see me more than a friend. any advice is appreciated!
– dude these ungrateful bitches are never gonna see u
– people like them never see the good guy until its too late
– u just gotta make them like u, nobody understands the nice guy until u make them
– all of these responses are so weird, just be normal and flirt a little!
ur stupid fuckign idiot nice guys don’t get a chance till u make them give u chance
women are so fucking stupid
reading all these “helpful” comments really warped his mindset
he went from innocent farm boy to incel misogynist becuz
they have to be right! like why else have u not given him the time of day as more than a friend
so soon, ur gonna notice these changes
he went from being supportive bestie to making snide comments, putting you down, making moves on you that you clearly don’t want
ur hurt, heartbroken, your friend became something unrecognizable
u’ll ask for some distance, just to think abt if u want to continue the friendship and clark will realize that he can’t make you like him from just this
so you’re gonna go home, take a nap, and next thing you know you’re getting snatched from bed by freaking superman
he genuinely believes he’s done the right thing
he’ll bring u to the fortress first. he has everything set up already, so u wont freeze or starve to death
i wont bore with the details but he would NEVER lay a hand on u
that’s NOT my superman
its more like
“i need you to eat something.” clark begs you, his eyes filled with worry. he had crouched down next to where you sat. clark had given you free-reign around his fortress, but you chose to sit in the corner near the entrance.
“fuck you.” you turn away from him, anger dripping from your voice. you haven’t eaten since he brought you to his ice castle, but you can’t remember how long ago that was. you missed home, your friends, your family. you missed freedom. you hear clark sigh.
“you’re gonna get sick if you keep going like this, (y/n).” his hand touches your face and you slap his hand away. you know there was no way you could hurt superman, but he holds his hand looking hurt, and you feel a twinge of guilt. he holds out a bag from Big Belly Burgers and places it next to you.
you scooch back, your back hitting the wall, not willing to back down. “i’ll eat if you let me go.” you feel like a child throwing a tantrum, but you would do anything to go home.
you see him rub his forehead in frustration, “this isn’t working.” he mutters to himself. you don’t say anything, wanting to see what he would do. instead of trying to fight you again, clark picks up the bag. “i’ll come back when you’re ready.” he says.
“come back? what are you talking ab-” in one blast of air, clark was gone and you were alone.
days had gone by, you felt like you were going crazy from the solitude and the hunger. thankfully, clark had left mountains of water bottles for you, so you tried to fill up with those. it wasn’t enough, you had started to miss your kidnapper’s company after many conversations with yourself. all you could do was sleep or stare at the wall, blankly. after a week, you couldn’t take the isolation. “clark?” you call out, weakly. not a moment passes before he appeared before you.
his eyes were filled with pity and worry, “are you ready, sweetheart?” his hands cup your face and you lean into the warmth, nodding.
he could never hurt you. that entire week away was killing him, but the commenters were right. you just needed to know that he was all you needed.
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h-harleybaby · 11 months
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HEY POOK!!
I found your page this morning and OH MAH LAWRD 😻 WOOF WOOF WOOF, ya know? 😔
Take your time with this request, because I don’t want you to get stressed..
But remember those Eric and Kyle oneshots? Where you are Kyle’s bf but they have their way with you? 😳 (wowzers)
WHAT ABOUT THAT WITH ERIC AND BUTTERS??? LIKE PLS ERICS GF AND BUTTERS JUST SO HAPPENS TO- AHH😩
keep me in ur thoughts 😏
- 🍒
OHHHHHH???????
I’VE BEEN LIKE- TRYING TO WRITE ANOTHER KYLE AND CARTMAN ONE BUT I SUCK AT WRITING KYLE- Cartman and Butters on the other hand???? OOOOOH MAMA (says this as I write whatever comes to mind while I’m at lunch and feeling really embarrassed about it)!! Also I’m like half sure you meant Butters x Cartmans gf reader right??? Sorry if I’m wronggg
Also dw I always think about my anons /hj I love y’all sm
Anyways, thanks to @tiniedemon and @hand-writxen for the ideas while writing. I was stuck on this for the LONGEST time and felt super bad about it. As per usual, I’M NOT SHIPPING THEM IN ANY WAY!!
HAS NSFW CONTENT
Butters x Cartmans gf reader
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• Let’s be honest, Cartmans a bit of an voyeur- so when Butters came up to him real apologetic about having a lil crush on his gf it gave him the best idea
• That’s how it started, all of y’all expected it to be a one and done thing BUT NOPE
• But who tf knew that Butters was super fucking horny??? Not you-
• Anyways, the both of them take turns on you ALL THE TIME! It’s mainly because they don’t hate each other so that makes it a hell of a lot easier
• Y’all ever heard of double penetration??? YEAH THATS THEM- JUST HEAR ME OUT ON IT
• They’re both kinda impatient (difference is although Butters might get antsy he can wait, Cartman refuses to) so like, double penetration does happen quite a bit
• Butters has like, no chill tho. He’s super obvious about his crush on you and how he feels about you, dudes ALL over you and it’s kinda cute ngl. It annoys Cartman tho so it usually ends in him making Butters watch y’all fuck or something and not letting him touch you to remind him who’s gf you are
• Butters gets so whiny too, he’s desperate to touch you and he’d do literally anything Cartman tells him just for the chance of a bj or something
• Cartmans a sadist so he usually makes Butters get on his knees and beg or something. That part’s not even sexual he just likes feeling the power 👀
• Tbh Butters is a really sweet, passionate guy so most of the time he puts your pleasure before his own. In his eyes, you come first so ofc he’s gonna make you cum first even if he has to edge himself
• But omg those few times where he really lets go and he’s really rough and uses you 😩
• Anyways so enough of that, ngl Cartman really likes watching Butters eat you out. Sometimes after he jerks off to y’all he has post nut clarity and thinks he’s a lil creepy but that’s like, immediately gone because he realizes he doesn’t care enough
• Honestly, I can see Butters fucking you but Cartman being completely in control the entire time
• He says he wants Butters to edge you? It’s done. He wants you guys to overstim yourselves, DONE
• He loves seeing Butters edge you and himself. Definitely likes seeing the tears of frustration and taunting you about it, calling you his crybaby
• Butters definitely whimpers while edging himself and gets really caught up in how good you feel, hehe Cartman edges himself a couple times too while y’all do 🤭
• Hear me out, he’s super mean about cumming. Literally will not let either of you cum until he does from you sucking him off
• I dunno, orgasm denial is just a huge thing here ya know? Like in his eyes (at the moment) y’all are just fuck toys entertaining him 💅
• Cartman is such a control freak but it’s honestly kinda hot to both of y’all. Butters is definitely more on the sub side a lot of the time so it works out for you guys
• NOW YOU GOTTA HEAR ME OUT AGAIN ‼️ the both of them like watching you get yourself off using toys. Also mutual masturbation ngl. They jerk each other off while watching you <33
• Like I said, orgasm denial is a huge thing so Cartman probably makes you get off on some sort of vibrator but doesn’t let you cum for the longest time because he wants you to beg. He starts rubbing off on Butters at some point and he starts doing similar things
• Would not be surprised if Cartman makes you get off on his shoe (def a new pair he only uses for that purpose because ew, germs) while the two jerk each other off
• EHEHEHE imagine Cartman makes you fuck yourself on a dildo and watches because he says you’re not ready or even worth him and Butters dicks yet
• Definitely says you have to work for it and likes watching you do it. I swear no amount of preparation prepares you for the both of them at the same time. FUCKING ANIMALS
• Anyways, Butters is probably secretly into pegging. Just hear me out ok???
• He really really wants you to peg him while Cartman fucks you (in Cas’ words, a lil train)
• Omg so like, jerking him off while you peg him and Cartman just jerking off the whole time because damn who knew you looked super hot while pegging someone
• I feel like Cartman really likes seeing his cum on your face and at the end of y’all’s… session the two of them usually jerk off on your face and tits
• Butters definitely thinks you look super pretty with cum on you while Cartman kinda sees it as a hot degrading thing
• Sometimes this kinda stuff happens in public where they’re both horny and they literally fight over who gets a blowjob from you because they don’t have much time or privacy
• Anyways, both literally love a good creampie so you best believe that both of them do creampie you. CONSTANTLY
• Round after round man, Cartman just really likes seeing it drip out of you. Probably smacks your pussy (somewhat lightly) just to giggle as you whimper before fingering it back in
• All that is just an instant boner for both of them. THEY’RE INSATIABLE I TELL YOU, INSATIABLE
• Before y’all go out sometimes they both cum in your underwear and make you wear it out after rubbing it in, this definitely isn’t something I saw on an NSFW twitter acc that made me giggle and kick my feet
• They’ve both ruined and owe you SO MANY panties because they keep using them to jerk off or they cum in them. FOR SOME REASON IT STAINS AND JUST RUINS THE PANTIES and both of them feel so proud of doing that
HERE YOU NASTY PEOPLE I’VE FED YOU WITH THIS DECENTLY LONG DICK HCS THING
All jokes aside I really liked writing this so ty for the request babes <33
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fieldsofbats · 8 months
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simon riley x waitstaff!reader
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thank you to those who liked my first post <3 i am still v new to this and haven't quite figured out my preferred writing style so all feedback is welcome (be respectful tho).
part one
part two
right so at ur work it’s real common to have military folk there bc it is a military town, close to base, training facilities etc. 
first visit was just to the bar section of the place. price thought it would be good for moral to go out and have some chill team time, watch a football match and just hang out.
soap ordered some food and you brought it over to them. simon did not notice you bc he was watching the game, but then he got a whiff of soaps food and decided to grab something.
cue you coming back over with your sweet smile and handing him his food and cutlery before wandering back to the resturant bc its a quiet night.
mans is hooked.
second time ghost comes in it’s at night again but the restaurant is slammed bc it’s family week, everyone is getting dinner the night before they gotta head home. 
lbr, simon didnt think about you until soap wanted to go out again: "where are we goin'" "that place with the pretty server", knows exactly where they are going.
but still, your smile and warmth towards everyone is so kind and customer service is through the roof. yet he watches as you race around in and out of the kitchen with crazy ease and grace
like dude is impressed at you staying calm and steady despite how fuckin busy it is and people with their insane requests and demands for food (inpatient pricks)
he wants to stick around and watch u but it has become way to loud and busy for him so he bows out and goes back to his quiet room
simon strikes me as someone that likes to have as much regularity in his life as possible, why do you think 141 are literally the only people he has relationships with???
but mainly forms this routine bc he gets to see you, and he knows you will be there bc you’ve old him its your regular shift.
"you basically live here."
"haha no, i just make sure i get the shift with you."
the restaurant would make the booking for him in advance cause he never does but you know he is coming anyway so have it under ‘y/n's man’ (hasn’t told you his name) and ur coworkers think its super cute and funny
but he would make the effort to come in when it is quiet and has the chance to actually listen to you talk and see you interact with others on a more relaxed level BUT he wouldn’t be opposed to seeing you rushing around tables and weaving between guests who haven’t sat down
ngl he would find it hot watching you manage several orders and memorising different peoples requirements, all while keeping that sweet smile and polite manner
you can carry three plates?! this man is sweating under the mask
he doesn’t do a lot of the talking, only when you really prompt him or he is feeling a bit more extroverted that day. Doesn’t wanna talk about military shit with you but that’s all he does so he prefers to listen to you.
knows all the drama and gossip of the restaurant. glad to hear you are not dating the guy behind the bar and that you also don't like the receptionist because he perfume is to strong.
he will hang around and wait for it to die down to be able to talk to you. if it gets too loud for him he might just try and see you at the till as he leaves but has pushed through once or twice to talk to you.
something about you makes him feel more real, that he isn’t just some shell of a man, that he has a purpose. he likes that you treat him normally, the fresh slate you give him is like clean evening air.
ANYWAY it would take him ages to ask you out, like more than six/ seven months, and he would be so nervous (not to the point of stuttering or shaking bc this man is military he has been in worse situations, but his heart would be running a marathon and the self doubt would be just as loud)
but also protective ghost omgggg, he would be seething watching the old men be creepy and shit
knife and fork are down and he is up behind these men leering over them “excuse me, I just have a question about my meal.” just would say anything to get you out of that situation and back over to him. Or would just stand by the register staring down these men (this happens a lot more often than simon would like to admit)
always checks in when he is leaving to make sure he didn’t over step or make you uncomfortable by accident
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luffyvace · 4 months
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Chuuya x male reader !!
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just like i said i’d do :)
took a bit of time tho 😅 (i almost forgot. almost.)
if he didn’t already realize he liked guys he’d be extra flustered once he does
not ashamed
he just doesn’t know how to act around you
like he knows not to treat you terrible like dazai
but you may not be into feminine things
wait this is low key so much easier
bc he knows how guys THINK
because HES ONE
okay nvm no need to panic afterall
honestly he’s still just as romantic doesn’t matter the gender
will pummel anyone who has something negative to say about you two
if your a big scary guy he feels proud he bagged you 😭
he’s thinking “yeahh me and my s/o are so bad we so cool😎”
yup u sure are chuuya
if your a more nonchalant person or just don’t care for romance
it may seem more like bromance 🤪
if your into cars he’ll buy you the coolest, most lavish brands
if your a feminine dude he can buy you makeup or whatever it is you want
he doesn’t know you gotta tell em
just as willing to cuddle you as he would a woman
wants to be the big spoon tho
he wants dominance over everyone disregarding gender so of course he does
he thinks he’s chad
def practices how to act around you
wants you to think he’s cool so bad
he’s more likely to be more ‘tsundere’ (for lack of better words😭) in public
you know it’s just a farce
ngl he low key gets angry if someone asks who’s the dom tho
like he wants it to be visible that he is
but don’t ask
he finds it somewhat disrespectful
since its pretty much comparing you to a hetero couple
like does it matter?
why do they get to be the standard 😐
i hope you like wine as well
its easier to gift each other wines more than anything
trying each other’s wines and criticizing or complimenting them
chuuya enjoys late quiet nights with you
watching the stars
maybe some deep conversation here and there
gets angry if your taller and he has to get on your level to kiss you 😗
if your short as well he gets a confidence boost
his kisses are sensual and long if you have enough time
holds your neck and waist
loves to pepper kisses on your neck if your doing paperwork
if you work at the port mafia too it would likely be if your doing overtime
btw the port mafia is highly likely where you met
what better place to meet a cool guy??
if your not as strong don’t even worry about it he’ll always protect you
pretty cocky about it too
loves if his smirk can make you melt
if you give him a genuine compliment his eyes widen, he starts blushing and he gets butterflies in his stomach
‘tch’ *blushes and turns away*
loves to team up with you in fights
especially against dazai
appreciates if your physically strong bc then you can beat him up
since it seems to be his weakness
will subtly compliment you if your a good cook
thinks it’s better than restaurant food
“no need to eat out anymore i guess”
“you’d put 5 star restaurants out of business”
lowkey admires if you have a lot of skills/talents or hobbies bc he doesn’t have many himself seeing as though his jobs takes up a lot of his time
even if he learned some before he joined he can’t practice often
thinks it’s cool if you can find a balance
likes to watch you do things you enjoy
doesnt mean in it a creepy way of course
he just likes to see you content and happy
enjoy masculine readers! :)
♥︎
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akarisandraws · 3 months
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What's your big opinion on every Sonic character don't skip any detail
Dude, do you know how many sonic characters are there?
Like a lot. So im gonna keep it on the main ones LOLL
Maybe i'll add to this tho. We'll see.
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HERE WE GO!!
Sonic: He's my favourite character of all times! Such a funky fella. I love his way of thinking, (as in everyone deserves second chances and freedom is important) and of acting, with the whole attitude. He gives me a sense of freedom that i haven't felt from any other media at all! Its quite impressive honestly. I could write pages upon pages on how Sonic as a character is like the peak of literature in my eyes, but this post would get way too long. In summary tho, i like almost every aspect of Sonic the Character.
Tails: The baby! I also really love tails! I think his role as a sideckick is very endearing, and is a great balance to sonic in all possible ways. One problem with modern Tails, though. He's portrayed as a coward. And like??? That's not who he is?? Like C'mon sega.
Knuckles: He don't chuckle!! Final part of team Sonic, and Sonic's first rival! I really like the knucklehead. But as is the norm, Sega screwed him up badly on Boom. I despise that they're supposed to be the same Knuckles. Because they're not. I like Boom Knuckles, as his own character, but granted, Boom is an acquired taste.
Amy: Honorary part of team sonic! I love her! Mostly on the IDW Comics. I think they handle her excellently in there. I know that Amy is a hated character by the fanbase because most say that her only purpose is to be the "girl character love interest" and i can agree up to some point in some games, but in IDW she's sooo much better. We stan IDW Sonic.
Shadow: Yet another case of Sega making character assassination. Shadow's like, one of the most complex sonic characters there are, If not THE most complex one. And i love that! Though im very sad that Sega hasn't been able to replicate that SA2 Magic quite as well. Will SonicXShadow (heh) give him justice? Stay tuned.
Rouge: MY GIRL!! Ok so controversial opinion, Rouge's my second favourite sonic character, just because i think its hilarious that she (once) was the leader of team Dark. So She commanded a killing machine and An alien experiment. What a girlboss! 10/10 Character.
Omega: Gotta be honest, not much of an omega fan. But i really like his dynamic w/Rouge and Shadow. It's pretty sweet that they become friens :)
Cream: The other baby! I think she's the sweetest character. Like fr. I really want to see her more often on the games! Though i get why in recent games she hasn't appeared. Suddenly the adventures got way too serious. Still want her back in the games though!
Blaze: Fire princess! I fr am so salty that she isn't as much in the games. Like, what gives? She's such a successful character (With good reason btw) and you arent like, putting her in the stage?? outrageous. But yeah, i really Like Blaze. Her contrast and similarities with sonic are great! They make a great duo too.
Silver: The sweetest most unhinged boi in the sonic canon. I find it very funny that in his first appearance he was all angsty and stuff, but now he's full on optimism and sunshine. I love the juxtaposition on that behalf. Boi is cute but he can mess you up.
The Chaotix: Oh i love the found family trope. Espio's my fave for sure. He's the funny ninja, what else do you want? Though Vector and Charmy are great too. Vector has such a cool ass dad vibe. And Charmy... is Charmy. if yk yk.
AAAAND I think i'll leave it there. Should i include someone else? lmk.
Thanks for the ask!
-Akari
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semisolidmind · 8 months
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gosh your art, stories and AUs always have me invested, and i love that sometimes it gets expanded when people ask about it. i love fandom sometimes ☺️
anyway i love twice as bad and bad end wukong but my happy ending/healthy relationship-craving ass sometimes imagines nothing bad happening to Peaches and Wukong miraculously has the patience to wait until he and Mac can properly woo their beloved. and when they reveal themselves and take that chance? it takes...a bit to process and then some getting used to, but Peaches is chill w it (bc of course she is) as long as she gets to know her boys as themselves and not as, yknow, disguised monkies. she gets taken to FFM (this time with consent. kinda) i like to imagine Peaches is certainly happier this way even tho she still gotta deal with the monkies'...understanding of love, but yknow it begs the question. how different would they be in this AU from their original counterparts? they'd still be suffocatingly affectionate and protective of course (bc even if nothing's bad happened yet, their Peach could still get hurt) but would they allow themselves to be influenced at least a little by Peaches' good influence? understand some boundaries at least?
apologies if this is a question you've answered before, i just wanted to share bc I've been reading the fanfics and getting into it again (aaaaaaas whoever wrote then THEY WERE PERFECTION DEAR 😩👌👌) i know it wouldn't be called BEW and TAB this way but shush let me be delulu for a bit ok? 😂
no problem, dude 🤟 (i think these au variants would be called like, the neutral ends, or something. idk. things aren't good, but we know they could be worse)
honestly, the boys would be more influenced by reader in this one. maybe not dramatically (they still enjoy pillaging and beating up other demons), but they'd be considerably more merciful towards mortals at least. maybe let the villagers leave the town before they raze it to the ground, y'know? if reader really, really doesn't want them to kill the peasants, then.....maaaybe they can make an exception once in a while.
(the one who writes those wonderful oneshots is @hcdragonwrites ! they also write for other jttw artists around here, like @journey-to-the-au and @jttw-monkeybusiness . go check them out :))
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