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twdeadfanfic · 6 years

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Life at the end of the world Pt38

Summary: Your life as a zombie apocalypse survivor. It starts with the Reader settling into the camp at the quarry, before s1 and then follows the show events and storyline, more or less, but with the Reader in it.

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader

Warnings: Slow burn, violence, language.

Author’s note: I’ve been itching to write a fic like this for a long while and I write it for fun, I don’t claim to be a writer so if you find you dislike this fic, please be kind and just stop reading. English’s not my first language so maybe there’re some mistakes, I apologize in advance. For the same reason, I can’t write character’s accents and things like that. At any rate, I hope you enjoy it. There’d be several parts to this.

Masterlist

When the sun came up, Rick joined you two up at the lookout, trying to comfort you with words about how Glenn, Daryl, Sasha and Abraham would be back when you less expected it. You couldn’t tell about Maggie, but even though you appreciated the effort, he didn’t manage to make you feel much better.

All you did that day was keep working on reinforcing the walls so they would hold the walkers, while you tried to think a way to draw them away before it were too late.

While you worked, you saw Rosita trying to train some of the Alexandria people, your brother between them. There was still a lot of work to do with them, but at least they were trying.

“Look, the balloons, it has to be Glenn!” You heard Maggie’s voice from the lookout.

“Yeah, yeah!” You grinned at her. “I see it!”

You were watching the balloons float, wondering if Daryl would be with Glenn, when a loud, horrible sound of something breaking pierced through the air. You saw in horror how the tower of the clock broke in half and fell onto the wall, breaking it and allowing the walkers to get in.

“They’re too many!”

Someone yelled, you didn’t know who, the voice mixing with the screams of terror as more walkers than you’d ever seen made their way into Alexandria. The people who had gathered around began to run away and you didn’t know what to do.

“Come on, we have to get everyone into safe places...And we need weapons!”

You nodded, a bit in shock, and ran behind Michonne. When you turned a corner you saw your brother and his father walking up, probably coming to see what the sound had been. You saw their eyes opening wide in terror when they saw the mass of walkers approaching and you ran to them.

“Come on! We gotta hide!”

Your brother nodded but your stepfather just frowned at you.

“Why should do I what you say?”

“Right, okay, be walker’s food for all I care.” You rolled your eyes and turned to your brother. “Let’s go!”

“Dad! She knows what she’s doing! Come on!”

You shot a couple of walkers that had gotten too close and reached out to take your brother’s hand, starting to walk away quickly, dragging him with you. Your stepfather grumbled something and began following you.

Your mind was reeling, you didn’t know what to do, where to go, what place could be safe enough. You could try to go to a house but a herd so big could probably tear apart the doors eventually. The store where the food was kept, with its metal door, sprung to your mind.

You led your brother and stepfather there, shooting your way. The walkers were slow but they were too many, they were everywhere and they were getting close. You stopped running to shoot at some of the monsters that were closing the street but turned over when you heard your brother shriek.

A couple of walkers had gotten too close and you began sinking your knife in the skull of one, letting your stepfather deal with the other, but John gave the walker a push that sent it straight to you, making you fall to the ground with the geek on top of you.

“Y/N!”

You barely registered Chris screaming your name, busy trying to keep the snapping jaws and the claws of the walker away from you, struggling under it until you managed to sink your knife under its chin and up to his brain when your brother managed to grip the monster’s hair and keep his head steady for you.

“What the hell man?” You spat to John, fuming, after pushing the corpse off you and getting to your feet.

“An accident.” He simply replied.

“Yeah, sure...”

The growls of the closer walkers reminded you that there was no time for that now and you holstered your knife in favour of the gun again, shooting at every walker that got too close or closed your path to safety, trying not to look back at the sea of walkers that were slowly but surely following you.

By the time you reached the store, you were low on ammo but you had enough to shot the walkers that gathered around the door. You tried to pull it up but it was locked.

“Open the door! Please, it’s Y/N! Open please!”

The walkers were closing on you when finally, finally, the door opened, revealing a terrified Olivia hiding inside.

As soon as you all were safe inside, you locked the door again. There was a regular door at the other side which was being relentlessly pushed by the walkers and you all pushed a couple of heavy shelves against it to prevent them from getting in, though you weren’t sure for how long it would last.

“Everyone okay?”

None said a word, just shrugged or nodded, and you fell to the floor, trying to catch your breath.

You didn’t know how long you spent hiding in here but you were growing more and more restless. The sun had almost gone down when you felt you couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t just hide forever, the walkers weren’t going to leave and eventually they would tear apart all your defences. They would tear apart the whole town.

“I’m going out.”

“What?” Your brother looked at you wide eyed.

“They’ll kill you...” Olivia seemed terrified.

“I’ll clear my way through them...I have to do something...”

You picked up a metal bar that you found on the floor and chuckled darkly, remembering all the time that you spent clearing walkers off the fences of the prison. That better proved useful now. And you had thought back then that there were a lot of walkers behind the fences...that was nothing compared to this.

“Do you have a plan?” Chris asked.

You bit your lip, considering it. You wanted to find Rick and the others, see if they had come up with something and then do something together, but that could hardly be called a plan.

“They...they’re drawn by sound...maybe if I can reach the outside, find a car and honk, maybe I could bring them there and away from here...”

You knew that the plan was poor and probably nonsense. For starters, reaching the outside without being devoured was almost impossible considering how many walkers were inside Alexandria and even if you managed to do it, not all the walkers would follow the sound of the honk, they were too attracted to Alexandria, with all the people inside.

But it was the best thing you came up with and you hoped you could find Rick on your way.

“I’m going too.”

You blinked in disbelieve when you heard your stepfather’s voice.

“They’re gonna tear through that door sooner or later.”

He picked up another bar and you were about to say no, not after the shit he had pulled before, but then let out a sigh and nodded, you were going to need all the help you could get, even if it was from him.

“Take this.”

You passed the gun to your brother, just in case, though you hoped he wouldn’t need it. There was barely any ammo left in it and the walkers were too many anyway.

“Come on.”

Your stepfather nodded and you went to the back door.

“As soon as we’re out, you push the shelves back in place.” You instructed Chris and Olivia before turning to John. “I clear the ones at the left and you at the right.” You instructed. “And you try something again, this bar goes up your ass.” You hissed the last part only to him.

With that, you went out into a sea of walkers.

It was even worse than you had thought, no matter how many walkers you cleared there were more and more, surrounding you, they were everywhere, and you had to admit you were lucky you had someone with you. You had wanted to go to the sewers and try to go out through it but it was proving impossible, there were too many walkers.

“Look!” You pointed ahead of the street, where Rosita and Spencer were fighting off the walkers too. “Come on!”

You turned around and saw a group of walkers had surrounded John. It’d be so easy, to just let them keep going and devour him...but you were already bringing your bar to the skulls of the closer walkers. You didn’t know if that made you a good person or an idiot, you didn’t care.

Once that threat was eliminated, slowly you cleared your way to Rosita and Spencer.

“Any plans?”

“Not really...”

You kept going, clearing paths through the mass of walkers, but they seemed endless.

Suddenly, there was a big explosion and the lake seemed to light up in flames, walkers snapping their attention to it. And behind it, on top of a truck, there was someone...was it Daryl?

You turned around to ask but there was no time, more walkers were on you again, but at least now you had Rosita and Spencer there too.

Besides, the walkers were getting drawn to the fire and ending up on flames, bless were their mindless brains. Still, not all of them went there and you had to keep your work at clearing the remaining walkers.

As you cleared paths you could see other Alexandria people doing so, and you also spotted some of your own. Rick and Michonne were a bit ahead, putting down walker after walker. Closer to the wall you could see Maggie, Glenn, and Enid, also Abraham and Sasha, and then...Daryl.

Relief washed over you as you saw him there and alive, all you wanted was to run to him, but there were still too many walkers. He saw you too, giving you a nod of acknowledgment before he went back to killing walkers.

You kept working on it and eventually, with all your combined efforts, you managed to end all the walkers.

You dropped the bar and ran to Daryl, who wrapped his arms around you as soon as you reached him, holding you tight, so tight you almost couldn’t breathe but you didn’t care, and you tumbled backwards under his weight.

“God, I was so worried...” You said, voice muffled against his chest.

You were standing on tiptoes until he lifted you off the ground and you wrapped your legs around his waist, holding to him, you had no intention of letting him go anytime soon. He didn’t seem to want to release you soon either.

Your hand felt something sticky on his back and when you looked up from his chest you found your fingers tainted with blood. You dropped your feet back to the ground, letting go of him, you wanted to check his wound, feeling scared again.

“I’m okay.” Daryl stopped you, taking your hands on his, noticing your worry. “It ain’t a bite or a scratch, it was from a knife.”

Before you could ask anything else he bent down to place his forehead against yours.

“I was so scared, Y/N.” He murmured. “I heard the honk from Alexandria and Rick said there were shots too...”

You reached up your hand to comb your fingers through his hair as he spoke.

“I wanted to turn the bike back...I did...but I had to keep leading the walkers away...”

“It’s okay...if the whole herd had come to Alexandria, I don’t think we would have made it.”

“And then when I came back and I saw all those walkers inside...”

You cupped his face on your hands and kissed his lips softly. “We’re okay...” You whispered before kissing him again.

Another gentle kiss and you finally let go of him, you wanted to inspect his wound. The blade had pierced through one of the angel wings of his vest, into his shoulder, and it was still bleeding.

“Sasha said it needs stitches.”

“Yeah.” You nodded and took his hand on yours. “Come on.”

“Everyone okay?”

You looked around at your bloodstained family and most of them nodded, panting, but Rick shook his head.

“Carl...” He muttered.

Your stomach sank in fear and Daryl’s hand tightened his hold on yours.

“Is he...”

“He’s alive.” Michonne provided, Rick seemed out of sorts. “But he was shot...Denise’s working on him.”

“Oh, god.”

You all looked at each other in shock before rushing to follow Rick and Michonne towards the doctor’s.

“Check on Chris.” You turned to say harshly to your stepfather, who was still around, before following the others.

Almost all the survivors gathered at the outside of the doctor’s, even if they weren’t hurt, wanting to be together, finding comfort in each other.

There were so many people missing, you suspected most of them had died and as everybody checked on each other, it was confirmed it was true for most of them. Alexandria had lost so many people in two days, first with the attack of the men, then with the walkers.

Jessie had died, along with her two sons, Michonne confirmed. And Deanna, Deanna had died too. That hit the Alexandrians hard, and you too were saddened about it. She had been a good woman, that one.

Rick went straight to Carl’s bed. To your horror, the boy had lost an eye, although he was stable but still unconscious and Denise couldn’t guarantee when he’d wake up. The new doctor was sweet and gentle and you felt for her, she seemed worried and stressed having to check on so many people while trying to save a boy so seriously injured.

She had done a good job with Carl, though, and the boy was strong, so you had to be hopeful he’d wake up.

As the doctor checked the injured people, Sasha and Abraham told you how they had encountered a group of men, working for someone called Negan or something like that, who had threatened them but they had managed to overpower them.

One of them had stabbed Daryl, though, and the wound finally had needed stitches, but it wasn’t severe and Denise finished stitching him quick. You handed him a shirt but before he put it on you pressed a kiss on his shoulder, over the wound, giving thanks for him being okay, both of you.

Through the door, you saw Olivia, John, and Chris arriving too. You wanted to check on your brother so you walked outside, Daryl taking your hand to follow you, and were surprised when you saw your brother already making his way to you.

“You’re alright?” You asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine...thank you.” Chris nodded, giving you a smile that made you smile back like an idiot. “She helped me get to a safe place but then left to help others.” He explained to Daryl, who hummed, a small smile tugging at his lips a he looked at you proudly.

“Hey, I wanted to tell you...” Your brother turned nervous and your smile fell. “What happened...that walker...my dad, he swears it was an accident...we’re sorry...”

You weren’t that sure but you’d decided it was best to let it go so you just nodded silently. You didn’t want to start anything over it or to argue about it with your brother, not when you were making progress with him, not after the hell of days you had had. And certainly not with Daryl tensing next to you at Chris’ words.

“What? What accident?” Daryl asked, frowning as he looked from your brother to you. “Y/N?”

Your brother arched his eyebrows at you and you shook your head, making Daryl frown deepen.

“Well, thanks again, really.” Your brother said before walking away. “Hope Carl gets better soon!”

“Y/N, what happened?” Daryl demanded again, turning your attention from you to your stepfather, who was looking at you both cautiously. “What did he do?” He growled. “I-”

He was already trying to walk towards him but you stepped in front of him, your hands on his chest.

The Alexandrians had just lost a lot of their people in a couple days, including their leader, they had had enough and you didn’t want to cause more trouble by getting into a fight with one of their own, Rick already had enough on his plate as it was.

The day had been bad enough.

You could pretend it had been an accident, if that was what John wanted, but he already knew you weren’t taking any more of his shit and that along with the way Daryl was looking at him, you hoped it would keep him in line for now on.

“An accident.”

You said to Daryl firmly, holding him back, but you could almost feel him vibrate with anger and for a moment you thought he was going to push you to the side and go to your stepfather.

“Please, I don’t want to start anything...” You told him softly. “Not now. And he already knows what would happen if any other ‘accident’ like that were to happen.”

“It won’t happen cos I’m gonna make sure.”

Daryl tried to brush past you but you didn’t let him and he didn’t want to push you so he stopped. He was still glaring at John, you could feel him shaking under your palms, but he looked at you, taking in your tired face, and took a step back.

“If he does something, if he tries something, I-“ He began, fuming, but you cut him off.

“I know. He knows. He won’t.” You assured him. “I threatened him already, by the way.”

“You should have done more than threaten him.” Daryl growled. “I...I should-“

“Daryl.” It seemed like he was about to try to go for John again so you took his hands to stop him. “No. He’s not worthy.”

Daryl took a deep breath, and nodded.

“Besides, I think it gave me points, me saving the day and helping my brother while his father made a fool of himself...” You half joked.

“Yeah?” Daryl was averting his eyes from John to look at you, you knew he was still angry but he was trying to calm down and you squeezed his hand gently.

“Yep...I think we could be friends, maybe?” You told him, trying not to get your hopes too high, just in case. “He can’t see me as his sister but...I think we’re good.”

Daryl kissed your forehead and wrapped his arms around your waist, turning you until your back was pressed against his chest. You couldn’t see his face but you knew he was glaring at John again, who seemed uneasy and was walking away.

You didn’t want to give him any other thought, didn’t want to let him upset you or Daryl, so you ignored him and let out a content sigh as you leaned back against Daryl, who pressed a kiss to your shoulder. You closed your eyes, finally beginning to relax and noticing how truly exhausted you were.

There wasn’t time to rest, though. The sun was already coming up and there were a lot of things to do. You had to take care of the bodies, burning the walkers and burying your people, and you also had to sort everything the walkers had tore apart, and it was especially important to fix the wall.

None was saying anything but you were all sort of expecting Rick to step in as a leader now that Deanna was gone. He was still with Carl, though, you couldn’t imagine what he was going through, and so Maggie was the one who started listing what needed to be done and how, backed by Michonne.

Before any of you left, though, Rick came to announced Carl was awake. You were all elated, wanting to check on him and say hi, but you knew you had to give space to the kid, who was still very weak.

“I knew he was strong.”

You said to Rick and he gave you a tense but grateful smile.

Nobody rested that day, you were al busy taking care of everything. The wall was in need of deep work, not only the part that had been destroyed but Maggie and Rick also wanted you to reinforce everything and build lookouts at every side.

You’d work on it during the following days, though, for now the goal was to get the wall repaired enough so that no more walkers could get in.

You were working on the wall, avoiding the task of burying the bodies of your people. Daryl was on there too, carrying some wooden planks, it was obvious his wound was bothering him though he wouldn’t say anything, but you went to help him anyway.

A couple of street’s away from where you were working, you saw Glenn, Enid and your brother working on one of the houses the walkers had gotten into, trying to repair the broken door. You smiled looking at them work.

Daryl noticed, looking at you with a small smile of his own. “I’m glad you sorted things out with him.”

“There’s still a long way to go, though...”

You couldn’t expect him to be your friend or brother just because you had gone through two attacks together, but at least now he seemed to trust you.

“He helped me kill a walker, held it for me.” You grinned at Daryl. “And I think I should properly introduce you to him...” You teased, wrapping an arm around Daryl’s waist and you felt him stiffen.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea...” He muttered.

“How’s that?”

“He won’t like me.”

“That’s silly.”

“It ain’t...” Daryl sounded defensive and he pulled away from you.

“Don’t be like that.” You pushed him gently with your shoulder. “I’m sure he’ll think you’re pretty cool...”

Daryl snorted, rolling his eyes, but didn’t resist when you laced your fingers with his and you decided to let the matter go for now.

The sun had almost gone down by the time the wall was repaired enough and Alexandria was clean. There was still work to do in the town, but you’ll work on it during the following days, all together.

You were lucky Sasha offered to take night shift at the lookout, you were dead on your feet.

“Come on, let’s go home.”

You place a hand on Daryl’s arm, he was still working on reinforcing the walls. You were glad when he turned to look at you and nodded, you hadn’t been totally sure he would, wondering if he’d rather keep working even longer, no matter he was tired too.

Once in the house, you saw Glenn and Maggie were already there, snuggled together in one of the couches and seeming half asleep. Glenn waved at you groggily.

“Why don’t you go to bed?”

“I wanted to wait for Rick, gotta talk to him...” Maggie murmured though she sounded more asleep than awake.

“He’s gonna stay with Carl at the doc’s.” Daryl provided.

“Alright, bedtime is it then...” Glenn said but none of them move, seeming too comfy and too tired.

You chuckled, waving goodbye to them and taking Daryl’s hand to walk up the stairs.

You were totally exhausted and ready to collapse on the bed but first you headed to the shower, glad when you managed to get Daryl in with you. You felt like you could stay under the spray of hot water forever, contently letting Daryl gently wash you, but he turned off the water sooner than you’d have liked, though you knew you shouldn’t spend too much hot water.

“Come on, you’re falling asleep in here.”

Your bed had never looked so lovely and comfy before, and you flopped down onto it with a tired sigh. Daryl followed you, crawling over you and using your chest as a pillow.

“Does it hurt?” Gingerly, you brushed your fingertips over his tender wound.

“Nah...”

“I’m so glad you’re okay...” You held him a bit tighter against your chest before lifting your hand to ran your fingers through his long hair. “What happened out there?”

“Nothing...”

Daryl shifted in your arms as if uncomfortable, and you knew something was bothering him, but you decided not to push him about it, not for that night at least, you both had earned your time to rest and relax, and you knew he’d tell you sooner or later.

“Inside here... damn, it was hell...”

Even though you were half asleep, you felt you needed to talk about it, get it out of your system. Maybe that way it wouldn’t come to haunt you in nightmares.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here...”

Daryl lift up his head to look at you and you ran your knuckles over his cheek.

“Not your fault.”

He nuzzled against your hand before resting his head on your chest again and you began combing your fingers through his hair again, it always helped you relax.

“First with the attack of those men and then the herd of walkers...I thought it might very well be the end of Alexandria.” You admitted. “And I killed so many people, those bastards who attacked us...and I killed one of our own too...”

“How’s that?” Daryl looked at you again, frown burrowed in confusion, and you kept your fingers tangled in his hair.

“He was dying, one of the Wolves had stabbed him, I had to do it...”

You swallowed hard, you hadn’t realized how all that had affected you until know that you finally had a moment to think about it.

“Y/N...” Daryl shifted over you until he could kiss your lips softly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s okay.” You tried to reassure him, giving him a weak smile. “I’m okay...We’ll be.”

Daryl hummed and pressed a kiss to your collarbone before burying his face in the crook of your shoulder.

“I killed a bunch of people too...blew them up.” He told you, voice muffled against your skin. “The ones that tried to stop us on the road.”

“They had it coming.”

“Yeah...”

“I guess that’s how we survive now...” You kissed the top of his head.

“I guess...”

***

You woke up when the first rays of sun filtered through the window. It was time for your shift at the lookout and you tried to get up without waking up Daryl but he stirred when he felt you moving, tightening his hold on you and blinking his eyes open.

“Go back to sleep.” You pecked his lips before getting up.

“Nah...” He was already sitting up. “I’m gonna check on Rick.”

“Okay.”

From the lookout you saw Alexandria wake up, people going out and about, doing their jobs, working on repairing Alexandria. You smiled when you saw Daryl making his way up the lookout.

“How’s Rick?” You asked when he reached you.

“Finally sleeping.” Daryl sat down next to you. “Doc said Carl should be back at home in one or two days.

“Good, that’s good.” You grinned, glad to have good news. That kid was strong, you knew it, he could get over everything. “You’re gonna help with the wall?”

Daryl nodded, looking down at the wall. There were some people working there already, following Maggie’s instructions.

“Hey...” You noticed something for the first time, you hadn’t really had time to realize it the day before. “Where’s your crossbow?”

Daryl shifted as if uncomfortable.

“I lost it.”

“You lost it?”

He nodded in silence and you knew there was something wrong. He stayed silent for a minute and you waited, as patiently as you could, for him to feel ready to tell you what was really going on.

“Aaron wasn’t right, I don’t know the difference between good and bad people, I don’t know shit.” He finally said bitterly.

“What you mean? What happened?”

“Rick was right, we shouldn’t go out looking for people...” Daryl shrugged, looking down as if embarrassed and you worried, wondering what was going on.

“I found some people in the woods...I thought they needed help, there were people hunting them.” Daryl finally explained. “I helped them, even after they attacked me at first, like an idiot, and they turned on me, took my crossbow and my bike.”

“Daryl...”

You knew how much he loved his crossbow and bike, and you knew he must be berating himself for having tried to help someone who betrayed his trust. That was what must be hurting him the most.

“I’m sorry, love.” You whispered and leaned against his arm but he shrugged you off.

“I made a fool out of myself. I was an idiot.”

“No, don’t say that, that’s not true...you did what was right, it’s not your fault you ran into some assholes.”

Daryl had the best heart, someone was bound to take advantage of it sooner or later. Still, you hated that someone was making Daryl feel like that and you wished you could find them and kick their asses until they came on their knees to apologize to him.

“I should have known how they were...”

You let out a sigh and pressed a kiss to his shoulder but said nothing, you knew there was no point telling him it wasn’t his fault, he never believed you.

“I ain’t going out recruiting people no more.”

“Not everyone’s bad, you were right when you said there are good people out there who need our help...”

“Nah, Rick was right. It ain’t my problem.”

“Okay...”

You didn’t pressure him anymore. You knew he was upset and hurt, and he had reasons to be. He’d probably change his mind eventually again.

“I gotta go help with the walls.”

“Alright...”

You reached out to lace your fingers with his, giving his hand a squeeze, and smiled when he lifted your hand to kiss your knuckles.

“I forgot...Aaron asked me if we wanted to go to his and Eric’s place when your shift ends.”

“Sure! Pick you up when Rosita came for her shift?”

“Yeah...”

He gave you a weak smile, pecked your lips and left.

Well, this chapter was long, longer than the usual, I just jammed everything into it but I wanted to get the first part of season 6 done already...it was a struggle to write (and a bit boring to watch in my humble opinion) and I think it reads here...anyway what are your opinion guys? (Both about the fic and twd), do you agree with me? I’m more excited for the chapters to come, but still, to me nothing will beat the early seasons (and my beloved prison Daryl).

I never thought anyone’d like to be tag in any of my stories so thank you! It means the world!

If you want to be tagged please let me know.

@momc95 @jodiereedus22 @osweetdevilo @sapphire1727 @coffeebooksandfandom @the-destielr @checkintoreality @daddys-little-princess67 @sesshomaru-lover @crossbowking @coltcas @feartheendlesssummer @izumi37 @gruffle1 @drina365 @kuolematkorjaavat @daeshaunex2 @xtinkersimsx @stressed-lasagna @moraglefay @phantom-fangirl-stuff @teenyforestfairy @yenne-yen-illustrations @mychemicalimagines @hyphymanatee @nikkipea @crazycatladyalustriel @miniprz @wolfkg @paybackbarnes

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phoenixknightv2 · 4 years

Text

New State of the REALUnion plus Drama Vs Trauma The Blog Version

One thing i will say is i’ am so glad that the one thing that has been more true to me than anything or anybody officially returns in 24 hours. I have missed it so much and it has been so long since i needed it back at this level. The first half of this year was amazing. The second half outside of meeting my girlfriend has been a fucking Disaster in so many ways. Felt like the darkest time of my life all over again. Basketball Season especially when it comes to Texas Hoops is like what Kills to Dexter Morgan are. So anybody doesn’t freak out, if you haven’t seen the show Dexter then A) It’s a great show up until the final season but also B)Since he is more of a vigilante, Well......You’ll just have to watch the show to get it. Basketball season keeps me Sane. Not just another team to me, they are a part of me. When they win, i win. When they lose, i lose. Either way, i would be a jackass if i didn’t start off with that. HAPPY BASKETBALL SEASON MOTHERBLEEPERS!!!! I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS THAT IS THE BEST TIME OF YEAR!!!!!! EVEN BETTER THAN ANY OF THE HOLIDAYS!!!!!!

The fact that people in this society put mental health way below the level of importance is just really heartbreaking. I haven’t seen it yet but The Joker movie (which I heard is surprisingly really good) states just that. Before I begin I just want to say a very special shoutout to my mom and my girlfriend who finally get why I do what I do. With my movement and my show. I wanna make one thing clear, I forgave my mom a very long time ago. I just still bring it up on my show and then some because a lot of you out there still don’t get why I do what I do. Why i’am doing all of this!!!! And although like my aunt says I can’t change everything in this broken society, as long as I make even just a little bit of difference then I know I did the best I could.

It’s been awhile my firebirds and realbies. Let’s begin.

Originally posted by allreactions

I’m gonna begin this edition of the real Time blog by saying I’am done. This summer multiple times I’ve had to explain myself multiple times and i’am done. I don’t have to explain myself to all the doubters out there anymore. If you still don’t understand then fine but if you choose not to understand because your ignorance is so far up your ass then those are the ones I’m not explaining myself too. Far as I’m concerned, if you still want to doubt me then as far as I’m concerned you can kiss my ass. The only person I will compromise with regarding my movement somewhat (also because she is right on some things) is of course my girlfriend. Somewhat but just a teeny tiny bit my father only because I live with him still for now (hoping that won’t be the case for much longer) but I do got some things I need to figure out. Tell you one thing, it won’t be here. As a matter of fact, within the next year or year and a half, I don’t want to be in Austin anymore. This city more and more is getting fucked because of shitty leadership and all they care about is Money!!! OH LIKE YOU DUMBASSES DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY!!!!! OH PUHLEASE!!! Fuck off on out of here. Because of that kind of ignorance and greed, this city is falling apart. It’s going to continue to fall apart and same with this society. Yes I get we all have to make money and yes I get it’s a capitalist society but it has gotten too far into greed and corruption. It is fucking up this society and Austin, Texas is an example of that. These news sites and rankings can rank it all it wants but do they not realize that there is a dark side to this city and what they are doing is contributing to said dark side of this city? Apparently not. Who knows maybe they’re getting bought off. But what I do know is I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s not the same city and other than my father and girlfriend, I have nothing here anymore. I mean yes I have the one thing that has been true to me (alas Texas hoops) but it’s not just another team to me. It’s apart of me. However I can’t be held back forever. I gotta do what’s best for me. For my future. Within the next year I want to be in San Marcos for the short term end game and then the long term End game, I wanna be in Miami. More of the Boca/Deerfield beach area. Man wouldn’t it be fun to be in a beach community. It so would.

Lets do the blog edition of Drama vs Trauma. I already did it in the show now it’s time to read it.

-Did I asked to be raped by Some of the neighborhood kids when I was a kid? No. Tell me I’m full of Drama

-Did I asked to be very badly mentally abused by my mom and ex stepmom? Definitely my ex stepmom more? No. Tell me I’m full of drama

-Did I ask for a certain bitch who I was kind of seeing before I started seeing my way better more amazing way hotter more kind hearted girlfriend, do what she did with the whole (country accent) I won’t abandon you one minute but then the next minute she abandoned me? Nah playa tell me I’m full of drama. (yes I’m taking shots at said someone but again I should thank her because her immature actions led me to my amazing girlfriend)

-Did I ask for two of my FORMER best friends at my FORMER job to fuck me over the way they did for about a year? After everything I’ve done for them assholes. Putting everything I got for them, that place, having their back, etc yet it still wasn’t good enough? No, tell me i’m full of drama. I dare you

-DID I ASK FOR A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE SEVERAL YEARS AGO?!?!?!??!?! NO I DIDN’T. TELL ME I’M FULL OF DRAMA!!!!!!!!

-Did i ask for my mom back then to have an affair behind my stepdad’s back with a man who i was pretty much forced to move out with her to his house when i hardly knew him and pretty much forced to look at him like a father figure? NAH FUCK NO I DIDN’T!!!!! TELL ME I’M FULL OF DRAMA I FUCKING DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!

-DID I ASK FOR MANY PEOPLE THROUGHOUT MY LIFE TO FUCKING GIVE ME THEIR WORD AND SHIT ON IT YET I’M THE ONE WHO’S GIVING ALL THE EFFORT?!?!?!?!? NO I DIDN’T!!!!!! AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE THING I CAN’T STAND IS PEOPLE WHO FUCKING THINK I’M STUPID WHEN I’M ALOT SMARTER THAN YOU THINK!!!!! (Translation: I cannot stand ghosting and as a matter of fact, there’s alot of that going on lately.)

I got something i want to say to that but i’ll say it later on. Basically goes to one of my major points. Back to Drama vs Trauma!!!!!

-Did i ask for a mental condition like Asbergers, Anxiety and depression that have fucked with me my entire life? That made me unfortunately have to take special ed classes in high school? That made me look like a freak to where i was being treated differently and then some? No i didn’t. Tell me i’m full of Drama

-Anything else in my book or my show that alot of you have yet to learn about me, but yet decide to still question me and who i’am, I DARE YOU TO TELL ME TO MY FACE I’M FULL OF DRAMA!!!!!

Finally to end this portion of the REALUnion because there is alot more i got to say,

- DID I ASK FOR ONE OF MY OWN?!?!?!?!? ONE OF MY OWN WHO WAS A GOOD MAN AND LOVED BY SO MANY YET HE WAS SUFFERING TO FUCKING SAY HE COULDN’T DO THIS ANYMORE SO HE DECIDED TO TAKE HIS OWN LIFE?!?!?!?!?! NO, AND ANYBODY GOING FORWARD WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH WHY I DO WHAT I DO CAN KISS MY ASS

Now before i continue, i know for a fact that i’m not easy and yes, i’ am a little too much at times. I get that i’ am overwhelming at times. However you know what, despite my imperfections i know that i’ am alot better and there are alot of good about me and that i have done alot for alot of people. Some of you see it, the rest unfortunately do not. It’s fine, i’m used to it. But if you think i’m just going to just sit by and take ALL THE BLAME......You clearly don’t know who i’ am.

For so long, i have had people tell me one thing one minute and then a complete different the very next. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times that has fucked with my head. It has happened throughout my entire life. I wonder how anxiety and depression could’ve developed? Hmmmmmm (I say that with major sarcasm)?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!

Also i may have said it already but in case i haven’t. I’ am going back to therapy because with all the events that have been happening lately, i have once again reached the point of wondering if i can do any of this anymore. Let me make one thing clear. A lot of the work is on me, the inner to make myself better. I get that. However like i have said with my anti anxiety medication (I can only take it so much and it can only do so much) the rest needs to do its part. Going back to the first part? I can only do so much work on myself but in any situations, relationships, it takes both sides and after what’s been happening.... i’am done doing all the damn work. Outside of my father,

These are the only ones who i know that will do their part and won’t make me feel like I HAVE TO DO THE DAMN WORK 100 PERCENT

AKA (The i trust you list)

Because i may love you but trust is a much different thing

-My Amazing Girlfriend Nicole (Number 1)

- Andria my amazing long time Best friend and the Big sister i’ve never had

-Glenn

-Michelle

-My Big 12 Country Brothers

-My Longhorn Nation Brothers

-Evan

-My Uncle Dave

-My Aunt Carla (Even if we don’t agree on everything)

-My Grandpa Lou

-My mom

-Will

-Devonna

-Daniel

-Chris(tian)

-Mary

-my Stepdad Jesse

-Jaclyn (My life coach)

-Jon

-Jon’s family

If you have made the list so far, congratulations and thank you for being the people who have been consistently trustworthy. Who have accepted me for who i’ am even when i haven’t been easy.

Now if you haven’t made the list, one of three things.

A) I May love you but i don’t trust you. I’ve had to do all the work and no effort in return. When you need something, i’m there always unconditionally but when i need something, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!??!?!

B) Because my trust has been violated so many times by so many, if you aren’t consistent then you are under evaluation but you got a chance to earn yourself back into my good graces. I’m done putting everybody at a level 10 when level 10 needs to be me and then 9 needs to be those i trust the most.

C) Don’t talk as much but nothing personal

I made a promise that i was never going to go back to rock bottom again. I made a promise to someone who i gave a tremendous shit about that i would never let anybody who was a good person suffer ever again. Now once again if anybody ever wants to question me, then go right ahead but have the balls to say it to my face. Don’t beat around the bush.

Let me say something that alot of people are probably wondering. ‘’Sky you have a girlfriend? Why are you still acting like the way you are acting?”

Well i’ll respond to it with this, just because my amazing girlfriend is in my life now, doesn’t mean that everything is fixed!!! No my fight and my movement still is going strong and it will continue to get strong. My amazing girlfriend is just my amazing support system. Is there boundaries we have to follow? Especially me? Of course and we both are a constant work in progress. It hasn’t been easy and she’ll even tell you. But you know what, after she read my book even if we won’t agree always on everything, she gets it and she is someone i can confide in. Obviously i don’t want to ALWAYS BE AS REAL AS IT GETS WHEN I’M WITH HER because i do want to enjoy my time with her and i want her to enjoy her time with me. However she gets it and then some. It hasn’t been perfect and hasn’t been easy but we just continue to get stronger and she continues to be an even more amazing girlfriend and amazing partner. It’s why she will always be my number 1. And while to everyone else yes i should sit back and enjoy it (which i do), it doesn’t mean that everything else is fixed. Doesn’t mean that i’m going to be a fake ass SumBitch. That is not how i roll

And once again, IF YOU LIVE BY THE GOOD VIBES ONLY SAYING AND YOU ARE IGNORING SOMEONE WHO IS SUFFERING THEN YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT AND YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM OF THIS GREEDY HEAD UP YOUR ASS SOCIETY!!!!! Tired of that saying. Ignorance

One more thing, and this is in regards to something i found out, I’m going to say this one more TIME!!!!! WE ALL HAVE OUR FIGHTS!!!! I GET IT!!!! I GET THAT CERTAIN THINGS ARE PART OF LIFE BUT I’M DOING WHAT I’M DOING AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO BECAUSE THERE COMES A POINT where ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!! ALSO I’M JUST ME AND THE PEOPLE AROUND ME!!!! I get that sometimes caring about others before myself is not always the greatest thing but it’s who i’ am. When others suffer, i get upset or i get mad. My girlfriend is the same damn way which is why we are such a great match and indeed soulmates. But unless you know my story then sit down and shut your mouths!!!! Because just like how i don’t get alot of other people and things, alot of other people and things won’t get me. EVER!!!! But at least i care

As of today November 5th, 2019.....Opening night of the one thing that has been true to me more than anything and anybody. The following shit ends here...

-The ghosting fucking ends.

-People who give me their word and then shit on it.

-Me doing things for others and then when i need something, a good chunk is MIA!!!!!

-Everything similar to this summer, if it ever happens again, I WILL SHUT IT DOWN FASTER THAN A HOG TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM A HUNTER TRYING TO PUT A BULLET IN HIS ASSHOLE!!!!!

I will do whatever it takes to never hit rock bottom again but i will do it again. After all the shit that i’ve been surrounded by majority my entire life, NO MORE!!!!! Some of it is indeed out of my control. But the rest, i will get justice. I will continue to be who i’ am, i’ am not changing for anybody. I’ ll tone it down for certain situations (aka things that are important to my girlfriend) but otherwise No!!!! Because although i’ m not perfect and sometimes i’m not easy to be around, i need to remember the great things about myself. and there is alot. I’ am fair and respectful and kind until i have a reason to not be any of those things. I don’t like being the not so good side of me but if i have a reason to be that way and right now after everything again that has happened up until this point, If anybody has the right to be that way, it’s me because as i have said....Smiling and being happy go lucky isn’t always the answer. After what happened with that stupid bitch who i was somewhat seeing before i met my amazing girlfriend (who got together with me right after the last State of the REALUnion which i wrote right after the stupid bitch who i was seeing before i became a couple with my amazing way better girlfriend, what are the odds that me being REAL won me my amazing girlfriend over. Guess i did something right. It’s just hard to do so in this greedy stupid fucked up society these days), just proves my point even more.

Finally in closing, if anybody is wondering and some probably will, why you aren’t on this list? If it’s because i’m not happy with alot of things still and i will put everything else under evaluation until it is revealed whether i can trust you or not? Then you’re damn right because i will not put up with much more for much longer. Things are going to change or i’ m done. I get that life and shit gets in the way, that’s fine. That’s not the issue but it’s the effort and giving me your word and then shitting on it. Everything i’ve said to this final point is basically what i’m saying.

I will rise back up to the top, i will rise from the dead, or i will die trying.

Mr. Real as it gets is back. THE PHOENIX KNIGHT IS BACK!!!

REMEMBER MY FIREBIRDS

I WILL ALWAYS LIGHT THE WAY

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

LET

THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE

PHOENIX KNIGHT FOREVER

ON TO HOOPS SEASON

TILL NEXT TIME MY REALBIES AND FIREBIRDS

-S-

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