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thedaveandkimmershow · 4 months

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For years I had this photograph in my room, framed and prominently displayed.

My cousins.

It's taken by one of my uncles or aunts a super long time ago on the boat that either just left Gorinchem in Holland for Loevestein Castle... or was on its way back to Gorinchem from Loevestein Castle.

Loevestein Castle?

Yup. An actual medieval castle (with a moat!) a coupla miles upstream on the Merwede River.

Back to my cousins, though.

I'm pretty sure we all have this photograph. It's actually the only one I had for many years until I started taking my own photographs and keeping my own photo albums. Before that, the only way to remember the earliest times we spent together was through my dad's slide shows in our living room at home because my dad had all his vacation photographs developed as slides. So it was a singular occasion to remember our time spent with family in Holland.

The framed picture of my cousins and I on the boat as children, then, was the constant presence of family in Holland for as long as I lived with my parents.

It wasn't until just now, by the way, that I realized I lost that picture. Probably when I moved from my parent's house. Not sure... maybe it's in storage. 😕

So during our just taken trip to Holland, I actually reconnected with that photograph through my uncle, my mom's older sister's husband, who presented it to me on the late afternoon of our third day in Holland at our hotel's lounge. I didn't realize in that moment that I'd long since lost my own copy but—

I enjoyed and appreciated it never-the-less. Even more so now. 😁

The timing of that gift was exquisitely important, as it turns out. Because a few hours later we assembled with as much of my family at the cousins level as could be assembled. A group of us that has not been intentionally assembled in more than two decades.

All of us at once?

It's not clear to me how long since that happened. Our family trips to Holland usually involved visiting my mom's sibling's families one at a time.

So it was easy, growing up, to focus on that long ago photograph of myself and my three cousins as children. Of course, had we assembled all the cousins in one place at that time...

There'd be two more. The two sons of my mother's younger brother and his wife.

Had we assembled everyone a few years later, one of my cousins in the photograph (the one without his sister in the photograph)... would now have a sister.

Had we assembled everyone a decade or so after that... I would now have whatever the cousin equivalent is of brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law.

Had we assembled everyone another ten years later, fifteen years later, I would have a gaggle of second cousins who I call nephews and nieces.

So when we assembled everyone just now, like a minute ago, it's breathtaking to me how much of my family isn't in that childhood photograph with just the four of us. Right now, my family's four generations deep. It's cousins, husbands, wives, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, sons, daughters, in-laws, parents, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and so on.

Basically it's one heckuva big family I've got over on the other side of the Atlantic.

And, as I said a minute ago, I was just reminded of that. As well as introduced to a bunch family I didn't know...

But now I do.

☺️

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thedaveandkimmershow · 4 months

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It's occurring to me that these days are long. These days are packed. And while it may seem that these days are also full-throttle, there's so much one-on-one with my family that each day feels like more than one day.

Each day.

Feels.

Like more than one day.

And that's a straight-up miracle given the last-minute nature of this visit.

This time, my cousin from the dutch town of Gorinchem is our tour guide for the day, picking us up a little after 11, and pulling up to the Rotterdam city hall an hour later.

We get out of the car, find our way to and through an archway into a courtyard, and suddenly we're in a statue garden.

It's a very Pinterest-y opportunity so we take photographs of, well, everything we see including the statues, the light and ornament-decorated plants, as well as the historical architecture all around us.

After that, into the city hall building itself we go where we get a tour primarily on the second floor, along the stone balcony overlooking the domed gallery, down halls adorned with paintings of each former mayor, various public information displays, committee rooms, and one giant ballroom with maybe a four-story sized Christmas tree commanding the room. We wander this magnificent space as well as the adjoining room that features paintings of people from ancient Greece appearing to look down into the room.

After the tour, we make our way back to the ground floor down a tight spiral staircase.

1pm we're at Depot Boijmans Van Beuningen.

It's an art depot.

An art depot?

Yeah. Here's the official description:

"Depot Boijmans Van Beuningen is the world’s first publicly accessible art storage facility. The depot is located next to Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen in Museumpark in Rotterdam. Visitors can see the result of 174 years of collecting. More than 154,000 objects housed together, arranged in fourteen storage compartments with five different climates. Next to the objects, all the activities that go into preserving and managing a collection are on open view in the building."

That explanation didn't exactly land for me so I did a little digging. It turns out that most museums are curated, that is, the museum carefully chooses and thoughtfully organizes and presents a fraction of its collection it presents to the public.

According to artnet.com...

"Most museums can show only 10 percent of their holdings at a time, and changes to what is on display can take years to implement. But the Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen in Rotterdam has found a novel solution: unlocking its storage vaults for the public ... offering them a unique behind-the-scenes experience and the chance to learn how a world-renowned museum maintains and cares for its art collection."

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From the ground floor, purchasing tickets and figuring out the locker tech where we're supposed to temporarily stash our coats and Kimmer's bag... to the top floor restaurant and open-air forest, we are on a unique adventure, a wonderful emotional and intellectual exploration that sometimes involves all three of us, sometimes each of us as individuals, and sometimes various pairings. Sometimes Kimmer 'n I. Sometimes my cousin 'n I. Sometimes my cousin 'n Kimmer.

The museum provides an app that can help guide the experience as well as provide a way at some later time to read and learn more about the specific items that catch our imaginations when we're in the depot.

By the time we hit the roof six floors later, we're pretty hungry. I'm totally down for cookies in the restaurant to tide us over but my cousin makes a compelling argument for lunch at the Markthal, not that far away.

230 we're on our way away from the art depot, finding ourselves parked by the Markthal building.

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We're here for lunch, obviously, but the interior of the building is an artistic meal of its own. The windows we see up either massive wall of art reflect condos, living spaces built into the long sides of the market.

And the windows built into the curved roof?

Well, I figure the room windows must, at some point up there, become skylights.

We're on a mission, however, so we have to see every food stand and restaurant first in order to know what we want.

Almost immediately we run across De Snoepkont - Rotterdam, a serious candy store featuring every kind of candy or chocolate a child could want that's bad for you.

My candy, of course, is obvious.

Noticing my interest, my cousin tells me a little history about this confection and then buys one for me. It's incredibly light because it's a large marshmallow covered in chocolate sitting on a thin layer of waffle cone.

The taste and texture of it is an absolute revelation. 🤔☺️❤️

Eventually, for lunch (not dessert) Kimmer settles on a wrap from a Greek place, my cousin 'n I settle on fish & chips from a fish place, only once we look at the menu we decide on kibbeling.

Kibbeling?

Yeah. A Dutch seafood recipe made from battered chunks of fish. It's usually served with a mayonnaise-based garlic sauce or tartar sauce. Salt to taste.

The reason I immediately change my order from traditional fish to kibbeling's that I remember the food truck in my grandmother's village once upon a time in my childhood and teenhood. I remember the fryers. I remember the oven top. I remember this was once a week. An event. A very big deal.

A few days ago I couldn't remember the word "kibbeling" when we were hanging out with my aunt who still lives in that village. But then here it is: on the back of a menu.

So I had to order it.

Just had to. 😊

Our conversation over lunch is unique because it's a personal conversation happening in the midst of people in constant motion. Diners. Shoppers. Employees. All around us all the time. Which, interestingly, creates a private bubble in which we find ourselves comparing the ways in which different generations manage what's happening in their lives. How they process what's happened. How they deal. It's part of my own ongoing curiosity for answers.

Answers?

Sure. My own experience informs me that trauma is rampant in human life.

So.

How do we respond to that trauma?

How does it change us?

How does it change the trajectory of our lives?

And are we aware of what that trauma is doing to us, has done to us, across years? Across decades?

Because the larger conversation here is that the original trauma of my family is World War II. The original trauma of my family is the Japanese occupation of my parent's homeland, their towns, their neighborhoods, their homes while they were still in their teens.

While they were still teenagers.

The original trauma of my family is that it was exposed to the ravages of war and aggressive occupation for years.

The original trauma of my family is that each of our parents on my mom's side, two sisters, two brothers, lost their dad in the war. Executed by the Japanese military.

So yeah. I have questions. Not that they can answered by anyone still alive today...

But I have questions.

Four o'clock my cousin drives us away from the Markthal on our way to cheese, the third item on our agenda we worked out on the road to Rotterdam.

Cheese.

The name of the store is Alexanderhoeve Kaas & Noten at which we arrive a few minutes later. It's a cheese and nuts store where, interestingly, we're looking for picnic foods that are free from nuts and nut cross-contamination.

Good luck with that, right?

Well...

Definitely no luck on the chocolate, the second item on our agenda. The chocolate here contains nuts or is subject to cross-contamination.

We do score a tiny bit of luck with the cheese we end up buying, though.

Gotta love that.

😊

On the road again, we make our way to my cousin's home where we join his wife who's taking care of their granddaughter for the day and who, upon our arrival, hooks each of us up with tea or coffee.

Their granddaughter's a sweetheart, of course. We couldn't help ourselves randomly engaging with her off and on because it's impossible not to. 😊

By the way, one of the cool things about both my cousin's homes is that there's a simple, modern aesthetic at play. Very Pinterest-worthy. Of special note in this home is a complex web of LED lights, points of lights really, that, at night when there's no other light in the room, appear as stars in the sky. Appear as a constellation hovering above the living room.

Later in our visit, my cousin's second oldest son shows up after taking their dog, a Labradoodle of smaller size, for a hair trim. The dog joins us in her characteristically friendly and calm manner as my cousin's son follows behind and you know what?

He.

Is.

TALL.

Like basketball player tall.

Like NBA tall.

What's sweet, though, is that he and his dad are playful like boys are. Only these are very large boys. Playful. Joking. Challenging. Sweet. They wear their relationship right out in the open. 😊

During our time here, we talk family, of course. We talk travel strategy for an upcoming trip my cousin, his sister, and their parents are taking in a coupla weeks. After that it's time for my cousin's granddaughter to go home. She can't drive, of course 😉, so the job falls to my cousin's wife and his son.

The NBA-sized one.

So we're on the road again after an hour-long visit, returning to his parent's home, my aunt and uncle. It's a short (ish) drive. They're only a half hour away.

Six o'clock, we're the first ones to my aunt and uncle's home. So I take the opportunity to photograph some of my aunt's circus and ski slope Christmas displays because, as my cousin pointed out earlier in the day regarding the times I visited family before, I take pictures of everything.

Moving on from Christmas themed decor, there's a family photo collage that was either given to my aunt and uncle or made by my aunt or my uncle. There's a lot of photos I haven't seen here before so I capture them with the intent of asking about them later when I'm back in the states.

And the two photos hanging by the front door?

I capture those just for fun. My cousin's sister and her husband look adorable the day they were married.

And they still do. ☺️

Now it's time for dinner and, if I haven't mentioned it already, these dinners are all home-cooked dutch or Indonesian fare. Sometimes a little of both.

Tonight's straight-up Dutch featuring seasoned mashed potatoes mixed with chopped vegetables, sauerkraut with sliced kielbasa, sausages, and meatballs in sauce.

Around the table are my aunt, my cousin, his sister and her daughter, plus Kimmer 'n I.

Toward the end of dinner, my cousin (our tour guide for the day) gets up to leave because his work team might have to pull an overnighter. So I walk with him down to his car.

Why?

Sure there's stuff to talk about, discuss. Always that. But in this case there's another reason. Given his schedule, you see, I might not see him before we leave Sunday. So I'm inclined to draw out this last moment as long as I possibly can without necessarily saying goodbye. Don't wanna jinx anything in case there's a chance we will see him before we leave.

At his car, we catch his sister's husband drive up and park. Hello's all around and he's on his way to dinner.

By 'n by, I make my way back inside. Everyone's pretty much finished their meals and my sister's husband's well into finishing his own.

Since he's at the table anyway, his daughter volunteers him to join her, her mom, Kimmer, and myself for a round or two of Friends trivia.

He reluctantly agrees and, even though he's a super Friends fan and his daughter's a super Friends fan and Kimmer 'n I are run-of-the-mill Friends fans who brag that we saw the series back when it first aired... yeah. Regardless of all that advantage the game does not go super well.

For some reason, none of us can answer the questions. Maybe one or two... but this gets embarrassing real quick. So we stop the game and switch over to Potter trivia.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but these games belong to my niece.

So why is she playing them with us?

I'm not sure about the Friends game, but definitely she's the only one among her friends who likes and has seen the Harry Potter movies or read the Harry Potter books.

She's the only one of them who can play the game.

So the moment she discovers we're fans of the franchise she's like yeah.

We're playin' this. 😉

This second time around we're killin' it. We're keeping score from the very first round unlike the night before when we were just warming up until we decided to keep score. Even my cousin who slaughtered Hermione's name that night in all the possible ways there are to slaughter that name in two different languages...

Even my cousin killed it the second night.

"HERRRMIIIIINEE" she would declare with specific emphasis and confidence each time the name came up.

Of course.

Because no lie. We gave her a wicked bad time each and every time she mangled the name. 🤣🤣🤣

In the end, Kimmer won huuuuge with seventeen cards to Jordan's twelve to my eight.

Woulda been nine but no one at the table would accept "deer" in the place of "doe".

Yeah.

I got robbed. 😑

Anyway, it was another full-throttle evening. Food, games, conversation, often all at the same time. Kimmer 'n I were pretty wiped out by the time we hit our hotel room quarter after 11. And while there are, in fact, 24 and only 24 hours in each day, our hours from noon to midnight are dense. They're wall-to-wall relational across every day of the week. They're relentlessly welcome conversations. And we are fully, personally engaged.

It's lovely, though, to be in bed. And, after a bit of marveling at our day and setting an early alarm...

We nod off to sleep.

☺️

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