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palms-upturned · 8 months

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Institutionalization tw

Reading that comic about the Elan school is really fucking me up tbh and it almost makes me feel stupid because I was just locked up for like 3 days but the author was in Elan for like two or three years. And I was lucky enough to have family members who were willing to storm the castle so to speak to get me out of there. But like something about seeing a glimpse of a place where the pretense is only for the benefit of people outside the facility, meanwhile inside everyone says (screams, really) the quiet part out loud, is just really fucking with me.

In the psych ward, I was strip searched with the justification that it was to check me for signs of abuse/self harm. In Elan, it was very straightforwardly a humiliation tactic. In the ward, staff periodically opened our bedroom doors to check on us during the night, allegedly for safety. In Elan, they checked with a flashlight every fifteen minutes in order to prevent the kids from running, but also to keep them tired and edgy and very aware of being surveilled. In the ward, I was told that since I checked in voluntarily, I would have the right to check myself out whenever I wanted (which is why I checked myself in to begin with), but then found every excuse not to release me after I had already been approved to leave, threatening me that if I got too upset, it would be used as justification to keep me longer because clearly I was unstable. In Elan, they used the uncertainty of when someone would be released as a way to manipulate and wear down the inmates. In therapy/rehab/etc, people are told not to be codependent and “enable” their loved ones by housing and caring for them while they use substances, or remain unemployed, or engage in whatever “bad” behavior. At Elan, the parents were literally coached to threaten the kids with being disowned if they tried to leave Elan when they turned 18 rather than staying until “graduation” so that the school could keep on wringing more money out of the families as long as possible. I could go on but it makes me too queasy.

The author of the comic details how after his escape from Elan, he was hit by the weight of how impossible it would be to talk about his experiences in a way that people understand, not just because it was so painful, but also because the outside world and the world of Elan feel like completely different dimensions. The experiences are so vastly different and both worlds are kept so completely separate. I felt that after leaving the ward, too. I still feel it. Admitting that I've been institutionalized at all can be really terrifying because I don't know what will happen to a person's opinion of me. I wish people cared more about the rights of psych patients, and of children, and especially both.

#meg talks #gonna go to sleep #im feeling sad and anxious now but i don’t regret reading this comic #i think everyone should

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peonyleaf · 3 months

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just had to tell myself out loud Girl we are not going to listen to dancing in the dark by bruce springsteen at 10 to midnight okay? now is not the time

#gonna go to SLEEP #and I can't deal with that atm #lett speaks

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ilaiawanderlust · 1 year

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I may or may not have posted the whump stuff i've written on here on ao3.. :3

#wander writes #wander finally posts her crap where people can actually find it #linked universe #linked universe fic #please excuse me while i spend the next 5 business days suffering #gonna go to sleep #wait no #im gonna make hot cocoa #and THEN go to sleep

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zainmalik · 6 months

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#medication has run its course and i’m exhausted #gonna go to sleep #goodnight #keep speaking up about palestine #we owe it to the palestinian people

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