#goddamn am i tired of this bullshit

[daily-whistlepaw]

daily whistlepaw until bu becomes PoV day 1098

Songleap showing off the cool bug she found

#warrior cats #whistlepaw #songleap #windclan #medicine cat apprentice #warrior #bugs make me uncomfortable and I find that so sad and annoying at the same time #I wanted to look at pictures of beetles found in the UK but goddamn I felt uncomfortable the whole time #so I give you a *very simplified* stag beetle because more details would not be too pleasant now #maybe I should therapise myself by drawing detailed bugs #but not when 1. sleep deprived and 2. I have other urgent matters (aka EXAMS) #I've been tired all day. it is bullshit and I want a refund. I haven't studied today yet and when writing this it is already 8 pm #I know my days are shifted and I am usually active until around 4 am but stilll... #not happy #but I'll add detailed bugs in the projects list #alongside HUMANS and backgrounds (I want to test the lined bg thing again)

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D

me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening

#its like im fine literally all day qnd then i start to get ready for bed and the Dread sets in #like its an actual physical feeling in my stomach and i just suddenly out of nowhere have to hold myself back from crying #i literally go from perfectly happy to on the verge of tears in an INSTANT and idk whats causing uty #it #like i know broadly ehat the causes are but idk whats causing the specific switch at night #am i tired?? is it just bc im tired??? bc its not consistently at the same time and most of the time i dont *feel* tired #or is it just like. i knoe im going to bed so i know im gonna be alone with my thoughts and so they all come and hit me at once??? #idk idk idk i just know i hate it and i want it to stop i want everything to fucking stop #id say i need a minute to breathe but really ive been using the past four months as my minute to breathe & thats part of the fucking problem #because ive been putting this all off for so long bc its so overwhelming but now theres so much igotta do and theres real tangible deadlines #so i cant keep putting it off but i DO and its just making it all even more overwhelming and my parents arent fucking helping #but its not even their fault because im chosing not to talk to them about this bc talking to them about it makes it all real #and i dont want it to be real yet im not fucking ready for it to be real yet i just need a goddamn minute TO FUCKING BREATHE #i wish i could freeze time and just give myself a day where none of this matters #actually a days not long enough i think i need like. two weeks. two weeks for me to get my shit together where none of this bullshit exists #and i can just do whatever i want and not have to think about deadlines and decisions and the fact that this is all ive wanted since the #7th fucking grade and now that its actually here i cant fucking stomach the thought of it being real because im a goddamn coward who cant #fucking commit to anything or get themself to DO anything and i know its not really my fault bc i probably have adhd and i get #knocked off my ass with a migraine every ither fucking day but i still feel like i should be more prepared for this than i am #and im not prepared and im not ready and i cant get myself ready because i cant do things like this myself because i dont really want to be #doing them at all #like sure! the bitch can write a 400+ page fanfiction no fucking problem!! they can find time for that but a college essay?? even finding #schools to apply too???? dont be fucking ridiculous they cant even get half an app done in the time it takes them to write a two 6k chapters #delete later

[kaeyaphile]

y’all i am so fucking sick and tired of being sick and tired chronically ill

#kayleigh.txt #went to the rheumatologist today and the prognosis isn’t ideal at all lmao #i’ve been going to the rheumatologist for a hot minute now but like. none of the medication is working #i can either a) get weekly/biweekly infusions via iv #b) get an injectable that i will administer to myself via abdomen or thigh once per week #or c) add yet another medication onto what i’m already taking #LMFAO WHAT IF I JUST KEELED OVER DEAD. WHAT THEN. CAN’T BE CHRONICALLY ILL IF I AM FUCKING DEAD RIGHT?!? #i am already taking two (2) immunosuppressants as well as muscle relaxers #and folic acid to counteract the bad side effects of one of said immunosuppressants #not even including all the other fucking medications i take for my mental health/heart/etc #i am just. so goddamn tired of being in constant fucking pain and discomfort 24/7 365 #don’t even get me STARTED on the fucking depression/adhd/autism bullshit that makes it all a million times worse

[a-being-of-pure-vitriol]

If I have to read another question asking me about the interiority of a character and how they became like this then immediately following it up with "talk about the character's emotions in this one particular moment" I am going to slam my head against a wall please just make it two questions so I can organize my thoughts please ffs

#english nerd bullshit idfk man #why did i do this #i made this choice but goddamn the description was not accurate #like yes i want to cry but not because the class is *difficult* #its just fuckin stupid idek #i am so tired #genuinely just throw me into a void at this point #my analysis is made of glowsticks and papier mache i swear

[goatsandgangsters]

just like. very fed up with some Work Shit 

partner moved for work, so we’ve been long distance for over a year which sucks bc I get to see My Person once a month 

“hello, My Job. I have been working remotely for Three Years since the pandemic. can I continue to work remotely in This Other Nearby State that is on the list of other states you’re allowed to live in while still working here” 

this question was asked three months ago. I am still having endless back-and-forth with my manager and HR about it. I have genuinely no idea when I will have an answer

THE STICKING POINT is that despite the fact that I have successfully been doing my job remotely like 98% of the time since 2020 and I make an in-person appearance like, only a couple months out of the year, THEY ARE RELUCTANT TO LET ME MOVE because of that 2% of time when I have to come in and—wait for it—open powerpoint for people who have way more degrees and make way more money than me

the added fun thing is I need to let my landlord know about renewing a lease, and he asked at the start of march and I didn’t have an answer, and he was kind enough to let extend my lease by one month so I could get an answer from work. AND THE MONTH IS ALMOST UP, AND I STILL DON’T HAVE AN ANSWER, and I don’t think I will by april 1st when I told my landlord I’d check in with him again! 

there’s also background noise of frustration bc my union was supposed to get a raise in october and we didn’t because negotiations for the amount are ongoing. so, like, six months of morale degrading bc of this very clear demonstration of no we are not willing to pay you more. and tbh I wish we would strike, bc nothing would get done without us, but I don’t think that’s in the cards right now 

and despite the fact that my job is a) not giving me more money and b) not giving me the flexibility to continue working remotely as I already do from another state so I can live with my partner, I Have Been Given More Work And New Responsibilities And Entire New Parts Of My Job 

I am very busy, I am very burnt out, and I have absolutely no motivation to do anything because of the above 

I am also really fucking sick of my Primary Human Interaction being sitting very still on a million zoom meetings wearing my professionalsona. instead of getting to be weird with my partner which is what I would LIKE to be doing 

I am very tired! and very fed up! and if they fucking make me leave this job and look for another one—which I don’t really want to do—all because of a handful of days throughout the year when I am “”””needed”””” in person to do gruntwork bullshit, I will be very mad! 

AND!! AND!!!! my escapism isn’t even GOOD to offer a nice outlet from this stress! 

everyone I work with is constantly telling me how much they appreciate me and how much they need me and how nothing would get done without me, and I’m frankly sick of hearing that, because if you value me so much, give me some tangible evidence. like more money or the flexibility to live in another state when I already work remote anyway 

#it's just so much goddamn red tape bullshit and I am so tired of being in waiting more and I am so tired of waiting for answers #and it all just seems so pointless to me? like. I feel like this is not actually a hard thing! #it seems so straightforward to me! #but the endless pointless bureaucracy of it!

[ereh-emanresu-tresni]

.

#literally so tired of this Sisyphean bullshit though HOW am i back in the literal same fucking situations that were supposed to be over #fucking years ago. i literally went back to Indiana and emptied my goddamn storage unit myself because family kept procrastinating on #promise to close it for me. and left the 1 or 2 bins i wanted but couldn't fit into luggage right at the moment in one of their garages. #and what'd they apparently fucking do??? go BACK to the fucking unit and dump everything right back in before its lease expired so now I've #had to pay HUNDREDS more FUCKING DOLLARS for TWO BINS. For FUCKS SAKE #and then the few weeks between jobs and dentist/neurology appointment right after employer insurance lapsed crept cc back up a fair bit #which was already enough 'these things were supposed to be confirmed resolved months ago' but no life just HAD to COMPLETELY undermine #every bit of fucking progress I've made lately and have scotus shitstains reinstate student loans aghhHHHHHHHDXJKEAVKTSYEAKOORWRELJHHH #can i have NOTHING????? #does literally everything have to constantly fall back fucking apart????????¿??¿¿¿???? fFS #anyway. #ventposting

[xicanaroja]

Good morning to everyone except people who support AI.

#i hate ai #i am so goddamn tired of the wave of ai generated and produced bullshit being pushed on me right #ai generated aRt #get fucked #whatever the fuck the my ai thing is on snapchat i will never use that shit #ai is just the way for the capitalist overlords to replace people in tech art IT and other intuitive industries #so they can make the most money off the product and only pay people to make corrections for ai because thats what it cant do #you will never be able to change my mind because i will die on the funeral pyre of workers rights #all my homies DESPISE the replacement of human labor and their VALUED PAY with automation

[capfalcon]

argued w a historian today about how we see the world and it was fucking annoying

#im a media and cultural studies scholar #thats my background. #i do not do #'well what about this perspective?' #i simply do not care!!!!!!!! #my field and my work is so #i fucking hate the idea of trying to argue about perspective #when i feel like 99% of the time i am shouting simply that i want people to LIVE #like im so #im so done w the idea of pablum and the stupid as SHIT both sides argument #im a fucking journalist. the idea that there are two sides to a story is bullshit #there are MULTIPLE sides of a story. however there are also FACTS #if i simply listened to peoples stories and i didnt back it up w facts i wouldnt be a journalist #i would just be someone who writes things down #im so tired of it. im just so goddamn tired of giving space to opressors and colonizers

[sparkly-skies]

@mondscheinprinzessin

LAURA LAURA LAURA

.... I might need to revise my meme. I haven't even slept yet but all this song makes me want to do is... idk, get better? Rob a bank and be able to pay for therapy and go get better? Get better and go to their concert and dance and sing along to the "oh damn it will get better even if I have to claw my way to it with my bare hands" song?

#what is happening. i haven't slept yet and I'm overwhelmed with university and other stuff and mental health and whatnot #and still laura's buam are not making me cry but actually.... give me a vague sense of oh damn yeah it can get better and on god it WILL #even if i have to claw my way to it #hold on that might just be a quote from a tv show. which one was it. a woman saying it to someone about someone else #uuuuuuuh #oh. shadow of bones; nina saying she'll claw her way to a happy end if she has to #damn laura your boys are not making me cry when i'm tired what is happening #tell them to keep it up #how do i rework that meme now #well not now. now i need to get back to that goddamn stupid paper and somehow find 1600 more words to bullshit in #but in the evening today maybe #not like i should write another paper then that's also already overdue but hey. we know me by now #mine #lauras buam #lonely spring #sad weather kids #the line i wasn't ready for a line that is so challenging still stabs me though #i would once again like to have the energy and time to try to draw something. not sure what with that line but. something. #brudi i'm doing worse every day how is this not making me cry but actually making me happy wth is happening #is this like when pets get a last burst of energy and love before they die? am i about to crash really badly as soon as i've handed in my #papers? #yeah yeah i'd say sorry for the tag rambling but it's my tags and we know by now i'm not capable of shutting the fuck up

[actualaster]

When you have Discovery Of Symptoms so you think about bringing them up to the specialist you see except you fucking hate said specialist and don’t really know if you feel comfy talking to them about it even though it’s kind of important.

And then you get contacted by the practice and told “lol so they’re gone, we’re giving you to somebody new” and now you have no idea if THIS person even knows jack fucking shit about what you need because you’ve got multiple things going on so you don’t know if it’s gonna be safe to bring them up first meeting and you don’t know if they’ll get pissy if you wait until the second time you see them.

(:

#i am so goddamn tired of dealing with this bullshit but insurnace has me by the throat so... #last person i saw knew fuckall about one of the issues i was seeking treatment for and just said 'get more sleep' #BITCH I HAVE BEEN MEDICATED ON/OFF FOR IT SINCE I WAS LIKE 5 THE SLEEP ISSUE DIDN'T START UNTIL RECENTLY THAT WILL NOT FIX IT

[absentlyabbie]

going to bed before i burst into actual tears of helpless frustration because for the third time in as many weeks, my computer has decided that despite paying for 500mbps internet, i'm only allowed an oscillation between 2.4-40mbps for absolutely no valid reason, and whatever i did to somehow make it work again last time absolutely will not work this time

#first time i got told by several folks i must be in a wifi deadspot #nevermind that for the two days prior it had been entirely fine in that spot #so i moved the computer and rearranged every single item of furniture in my bedroom #and it worked! #LAST week i uninstalled and reinstalled drivers; let hp examine my device through their site and find me missing drivers #shut down and restarted so many fucking times #changed network bands #disconnected from the network and made my computer forget it and then connected fresh #did all the refresh signal and restart gateway bullshit #and at the end of all that the drivers thing seemed to work! #NOW? THIS WEEK? TONIGHT???? #literally fucking nothing is fixing it and every diagnostic tool under the sun swears everything is completely fine and working normally #i am going to dissolve into exhausted tears #apparently what i won't be doing is ANYTHING online on my personal computer for... however long this goes on this time #(and btw literally every other device in the house has zero such issue #work laptop three feet behind me? fine. personal laptop? fine. switch? fine. kandi's pc/xbox? fine. #my phone while sitting directly in front of my computer twelve inches from it while it gets 14mbps? #ALSO COMPLETELY FUCKING FINE. i am beyond at a loss and i'm so goddamned tired) #(this computer is less than 2 years old and i paid over $800 for it WHY IS THIS HAPPENING 😭)

[nexus-nebulae]

stupid fucking broken body

#low health #i haven't had a single second of feeling no pain in my entire memory #i can't do a single thing without hurting #not even laying completely still in bed completely flat and straight #i can't even lay like a goddamn corpse without being in pain what kind of fucking bullshit body is this #i did a symptom assessment and the symptoms list was more than twice as long as my phone screen #and the text was fucking TINY too aha #there isn't a single part of my body that works like it's supposed to and that's not an exaggeration #so many people always assume it's hyperbole but it never ever is #everyone always assumes i hyperbolize and dramaticize and exaggerate and play it up for pity #or whatever other insidious shit they always assume I'm doing #to a point where I'm starting to HAVE to play it up now because nobody will fucking listen #and if the only thing that works is 'im literally fucking dying' then fuck me i guess #they treat me like a boy who cried wolf without ever even bothering to fucking check if i was right #and I'm surrounded by fucking wolves now but everyone's so busy ignoring what i say they can't even see the fucking wolves #i first started getting joint pain when i was FOURTEEN and i have gotten *how many treatments?* #ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ZERO. #i have NEVER received a single fucking DIAGNOSIS much less any FUCKING HELP #and it has been OVER SIX YEARS #and i have been telling my doctors over and over that i am rapidly deteriorating and won't be able to MOVE for much longer #and they WON'T EVEN SET ME UP WITH AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE SPECIALIST CLINIC. #i am so fucking angry and so fucking tired and I'm quite literally reaching my fucking breaking point #i haven't had this bad of a mental state since my ABUSIVE GASLIGHTING TRANSPHOBIC ABLEIST EX #and if THIS is making me revert back to THAT then IT'S FUCKING SEVERE AND I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN HELP YEARS AGO #i am fully and wholly being genuinely neglected and left to die #and the ONLY person who seems to genuinely give a shit about me is about just as restricted by circumstance and health #so we can barely even help each other even if we want to

[jasperflickerstone]

Thinking heavily waiting for the trazodone to kick in

#thinking about how ill never be enough #ill never be enough for my friends or my family. or the world or myself #how im not amusing enough or fun enough or good enough to keep friends #and how im not close enough to keep family. and im not confident enough or strong enough for the world #and how ill never feel that i am enough for myself bc i have nothing and do nothing. #how all i have is my fear and anxiety and insecurity and inability to be what others need and my intense want to just. cease #but i cant even do that because im a coward #and i keep hoping things can get better that i can be better that i can keep those i love and that i can improve #but its been 2 goddamn years its been 8 years its been 12 its been 20 and im nothing. i have nothing and i do nothing #and this itself is proof of all my bullshit bc if i were good if i were better if i would shut the fuck up #but i cant even shut up right and i cant even ask for help or talk to my friends and family and i cant even do the right thing #all i can is be a pathetic and sad thing. it is very exhausted. im tired of myself. im tired of all i cant do. #this is so fucking stupid

[cowboycunt]

well

#my work is actually fucking me over so much right now it’s not even funny i am absolutely fuming #i can’t believe they can just pull this bullshit and call it okay #like if you take a project!!! make sure you can figure out the logistics of it!!!!!!!!!! #otherwise don’t fucking take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #just fuckin got back from being away and am dead fuckin tired #and they want us to drive four hours total each day AND work a full eight hour day on site #like what the actual fuck is that #that is not how this fucking works idc about the overtime this is such a goddamn joke #‘it’s okay nine days’ and?????? it’s fucking ridiculous why did you take the job #they don’t know how to fucking run a business i swear to god but of course it never affects upper management #just what a goddamn joke #fish.txt

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

How its going

#congrats besties and gamers your clown is a fucking dumbass who decided she could do many things #tbf I fucking. Got farther with the WC au tonight with Ban #but that is a Monster Fic. its going to be like 40 chapters long #I mean Im super fucking excited about it but goddamn #debating breaking into blanks inbox for help writing its thing because I am a Fool who bit off way more than he could chew #Ill probably wake up in a fervor and write staggedduo in the middle of the night for Aspens thats just how it goes with those two #I WANT. TO TALK ABOUT. RIVALSDUO MASS EFFECT SO BAD. SOMEONE PLAY MASS EFFECT SO I CAN TALK #MY OPINIONS ABOUT THEM ARE VERY CORRECT AND YOU SHOULD ALL LISTEN TO ME #.... dont ask about what the concubine fic is about #Philza and Dream being friends??? In this economy??? fuck you they need interactions and Im giving them interactions #SV Dream is just him living cottagecore like with a lot of hurt/comfort and some StagedTrio because I miss them #I had a vaguely smutty idea with Wilbur and MerDream and its not my fault and also Blame Tired. Tired Should Always Be Blamed #but its me so it was intended to be mostly silly and wholesome #the Sap and Dream thing would technically be considered almost done/already done Im just. Terrified to look at it. Its so ugly #It was born out of anger and vague fairy tale related bullshit #We're not gonna talk about that last one. I just do not have the energy to write that anymore #It was fun while it lasted though #yes this post is an excuse for me to yell about my writing that I havent posted yet YES you have seen through my elaborate disguise #now that I rambled bit Im actually excited about working on this stuff again #even if I dont have a lot of people to talk about my writing with its nice just typing in the tags. very lovely very freeing #you should all try this. why doesnt everyone try this #wait someone is still reading this??? What the hell. Send me a chicken emoji in my askbox or something idk

[iceripperthethird]

I am so goddamned tired of busting my ass in an economy that physically refuses to let me do any better than the mediocrity of working full time and still not being able to afford rent!!!!!!!

#I AM FUCKING TIRED #WHY IS EVERYTHING SO GODDAMNED EXPENSIVE #THIS IS BULLSHIT