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#god this is the reason why we have 15 years worth of terrible takes and misconstrued themes
dasboligrafo · 6 months
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7 Takes on The Double Life of Veronique
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You know the thing where you like the same thing as a terrible person?
I guess even Lear-esque cringey edgelords like great movies and Keith McNally is not wrong about Sexy Beast and definitely definitely not wrong about the Double Life of Veronique, a movie I've now seen 3x, 2 of which ended in helpless tears (the only way I know if something is art).
This movie was a selection by McNally at a Roxy Cinema mini-festival in October 2023. As I told the crew who I invited (tricked?) to see the movie: now it's your turn to think about it for 15 years!
I love the moment after the movie when people are asking helplessly -- but what does the movie mean?!? And I really, really love the moment when people get angry at the end of the movie. These are real emotions! What's the last time a movie made you think anything other than "god, that was 45 minutes too long?" (The Double Life of Veronique is under 100 minutes! yessss)
[I didn't hear it cause I was, like, weeping, but my friend said at the end a guy behind us was angrily griping that the movie was too slow? Huh? Stuff is literally happening every moment of the movie? There is not a single wasted scene, line or frame? What even are these senses whose proofs we can so liberally ignore?]
Since it might be another 15 years until I see it again and I don't have the benefit of just having written a college thesis that was mostly about Lacan via Zizek, I thought I would type out a few thought exercises/interpretative frameworks that I think apply to this movie:
The contingent nature of the universe/the senselessness of existense -- probably the easiest to justify, especially in the context of Kieslowski's complete ouevre, in consideration of his personal history, based on the interviews he's given, etc...
What to do about emotional apocrypha — what do you do with and about feelings that seem to come from nowhere? Feelings are "real" and we know now (i.e. the science is now there to tell us, eg Lisa Feldman Barrets's fascinating work) they're not in any way subservient in value or usefulness to "reason"; like if anything the opposite, emotions are the "why" and reason is the very patched together and incomplete "how" behind what we are and what we do. Worth thinking about why it is Kieslowski's most compelling films have female protagonists given the historical association to the binary genders for emotion vs reason.
The duality and dichotomy of post-war East/West Europe -- I think this one is sorta obvious but not less resonant? There's a good article out there about how the film predicted a lot of the consequences of the EU. Elsewhere I've read that Polish critics pilloried Kieslowski for a traitor to his kind over this theme, which reminded me of the story about how Bach's works were sometimes not well received by the church patrons who got to hear a lot of it first because they thought it was too dour -- imagine you have the greatest musician who will ever live as your church musician and your biggest peeve is his music isn't fun enough for Sunday. In any event this is a major theme in Three Colors, and I'm sure there's no accident that this movie and the Trilogy are connected by the same fake composer (key work = "Song for the Unification of Europe"...)
Return to theory in film (Zizek) -- he wrote a whole book about it. I'm not sure I agree Kieslowski's films make the case for the return to Theory (ie I think you can interpret his movies without it.) But the fact that you can so unbelievably seamlessly integrate his films to a Lacanian framework gives me that feeling of the inevitability of Lacan.
Art Cinema's enduring interest in interrogating the limits of its medium -- which of course is also present in art literature for its own medium, and frequently not only present but foregrounded in theatre. The Puppetmaster is a clear analogue to the filmmaker (and of God, lmao...they can't help themselves), but also all the unbelievably uncomfortable sex scenes in this movie are a masterclass on the male gaze and how you constitute and undermine it...etc.
Space-time Travel (Zizek) -- right away, I'm going to say I don't think this one is all that interesting, but it's what Criterion chose to accompany the 15th year re-release of the movie. So...ok 🤷🏽‍♀️ I'd say that listening to physics podcasts has convinced me of the value of a literary education (those hermeneutical skills come in so handy), so I see the relevance of thinking of these two together, but I also feel like the fake math is the part of Lacan I always found a little too silly to stand.
The agony of art as vocation -- I'm sorta lazily splitting this out from #5 just because when I originally wrote this post I had 7 points and now I can only remember 6 of them, and I like the resonance of 7....There's a Badiou-esque invocation of the four types of truth procedures at work in this movie that could easily fill the pages of another unread senior thesis: science -- the zizek time travel thing, the way the movie is, actually, concerned with the explanation of what is happening and why, rather than just accepting as a premise that there can be doubles in the world; politics -- the scene where Weronika meets Veronique is at a political rally, the east/west thing mentioned above, etc; art and love, obviously.... But the key to the "plot" of Veronique's life is "Does she keep singing, even if it kills her?"
Random closing thoughts:
I'm still thinking about and cannot resolve the mystery of the subplot about Veronique testifying in her friend's divorce(?) trial. What does it mean?
One thing that always bothered me about Kieslowski is a feeling i have that his movies are slightly (high key???) exploitative of his actresses, which seems like shabby repayment for their taking considerable artistic risks. Maybe I'm just getting this feeling from applying Lacan and Zizek to his movies though (that's two dudes who definitely don't understand about women...). I'd like to think I'm wrong about this, his masterworks are all with women and "about" women. I don't think he doesn't get this, though, see again the Puppetmaster (surely one of the creepiest dudes to ever grace an art film and that's saying a lot).
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dailyaudiobible · 2 years
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07/25/2022 DAB Transcript
2 Chronicles 14:1-16:14, Romans 9:1-24, Psalms 19:1-14, Proverbs 20:1
Today is the 25th day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it’s great to be here with you today as…well…this is our last full week in the month of July, the seventh month of the year and it's a privilege and an honor that we can be together and step-by-step move through this week together as we continue our journey through the Scriptures which leads us back to second Chronicles in the Old Testament and the letter to the Romans in the New Testament. We’re reading from the Contemporary English Version this week and picking up the story and second Chronicles today with chapters 14, 15 and 16.
Commentary:
Okay, let's take a look at what we read in the book of Psalms today. Psalm chapter 19, it's a favorite of mine because at some point for some reason I memorized Psalm 19 when I was a kid. And, so, I've kind of always loved Psalm 19, not so much because of what it says but because I knew what it said. But now as a person who is an adult and grown and has a family and as a person who has devoted my life to reading and interpreting and understanding and teaching Scriptures, I love this psalm. Basically, we begin with…with worship and declarations about the Lord and then there are some like truth statements that are then fleshed out and then there's a prayer of repentance and kind of a closing meditation. And, so, Psalm 19 begins telling us the heavens keep telling the wonders of God and the skies declare what He has done. And the Psalm is essentially saying, look, every time the sun comes up, every time the sun goes down, every time the moon comes up, every time the moon…like every time this happens, nature itself, the heavens themselves are declaring the glory of God. Whether we observe it or ignore it, it is there, it is true, it is happening and it affects every single person alive on earth, right? We would be profoundly affected and terribly confused if not gone if the sun didn't come up tomorrow. Every day this rhythm happens. It's happened since the second we were born. We've never been without it. We wouldn't even know how to live if that rhythm of day and night that's constant were eliminated. Every day that we open our eyes and there's daylight, we are reminded yet again that the Lord is sustaining us, all of us, He’s sustaining everything in the cosmos. And Psalms points out that all this happens without a word. All of this happens without it being explained. It doesn't take paragraphs or pages. It happens. It's a faithful thing that happens. And because this happens, it's saying something, it's pointing us to something, that God is sustaining us. And then we have these core statements of truth. The law of the Lord is perfect. And then that's kind of unpacked. The law of the Lord is perfect, and here's why. It gives us new life. His teachings last forever, and they give wisdom to ordinary people. So, as the sun comes up and sets every day and comes up again and sets again regularly, predictably, faithfully, so we also are to understand that God's teachings last forever, and they give wisdom to ordinary people. And then we have another statement. The Lords instruction is right. And then here's why. It makes our hearts glad. His commandments shine brightly, and they give us light. So, following the instructions of the Lord, obeying his commands make our hearts glad and give us light. We’re looking for those things, right? We want our hearts to be glad and we want to see where we’re going? Then we must seek the Lord's instruction and obey His commands. And then we have another statement. Worshiping the Lord is sacred. And again, it's unpacked. So, here's why. He will always be worshiped. All His decisions are correct and fair. They are worth more than the finest gold and are sweeter than honey from the honeycomb. And, so, we begin to understand that offering our hearts in surrender, and worship to the Lord, offering ourselves to God, giving ourselves in worship to the Lord brings our hearts to a place of trust where we rest as the sun comes up and goes down. We rest in God's decisions knowing that He is righteous, that he is correct and fair. And understanding that the decisions of the Lord as we walk with God become more valuable to us than gold and become more sweeter to us than honey. And, so, what we begin to realize is that as we meditate upon and rest in the steadfastness of God and His righteousness, His rightness, His goodness, His wisdom we are led to a place that Psalms brings us to, which is the prayer. By your teachings Lord I am warned. By obeying them I am greatly rewarded. None of us know our faults. Forgive me when I sin without knowing it. Don't let me do wrong on purpose Lord or let sin have control over my life. Then I will be innocent and not guilty of some terrible fault. Let my words and my thoughts be pleasing to you, Lord, because you are my mighty rock and my protector. That's beautiful and gives us wisdom, insight, and instruction.
Prayer:
Father, we invite You here as we meditate upon these statements as we meditate upon these truths that are laid out for us in a way that we can very clearly understand. And we do come to the same place where we have to say the same thing. Let my words and my thoughts please You, Lord, because You are my mighty rock and my protector. There is no other. There is no other hope. And, so, all of our hope is in You because You are steadfast and constant. You are our Creator and our Father. And, so, we trust You completely with this day as the sun moves from the sky and we trust You with this night as the moon makes its journey knowing that Your mercies will be new in the morning. Come Holy Spirit into this. Comfort us, lead us, instruct us, guide us, we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.
Announcements:
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And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.
Community Prayer and Praise:
Hi to my DAB family it's Rosie from British Columbia. Special shout out to God Smiles. So thankful to hear you on July 22nd. And yeah, I've missed you. I've missed hearing from you, and you sure have been on my heart. The last few weeks I've been really praying for you and really sorry you've been having a rough couple weeks. So, I just bless you. I've been having a challenging time with one of my sons. I have three boys and my oldest is really struggling. And, so, I've been posting on the Prayer Wall and have been so grateful for the prayers that have been prayed on our behalf and just beyond grateful. So, thank you so much. So, about that. On last Sunday I woke up and started to pray for my son and I just sensed Lord saying what if just for today you lived like everything in your life in a lives of your kids was just perfect? And I thought…well…that's a strong word, perfect. Well, I made the decision on Sunday to go through the day like I had no problems no worries no concerns from my family. Wow! What a day. It was a great day and a really turned a corner in my heart that day. I lived like the Lord was holding my family and His hands which of course He does. So, that's my encouragement to you today. Live…live for a day like you don't have any problems, like the Lord has it all in His hands busy 'cause He surely does. Blessings and love and so thankful for my DAB family.
Hey Daily Audio Bible family this is Jeremiah God Gives Good Gifts. Just wondering if anyone wants to get down with some answered prayer, Hallelujah. I had my meeting with my parents, and it was amazing. Thank you so much for your prayers and your support. God's presence was there, and I was just filled with this just unspeakable peace. Anxiety and fear and worry wanted to come after me and I just said no I'm going to hold on to my peace and was able to communicate with them, just that I had forgiven them, that I didn't hold anything over their heads. And they were able to sincerely apologize. It was amazing. And just walking out that forgiveness, walking out that piece, all of the hooks that were in my back since I was a little boy, they were gone and God's peace and joy just filled my heart. And, so, I just want to encourage you that we gotta walk this out, we gotta walk out this faith. And even if we have suffering for decades, through endurance, through character, through forgiveness God has healing for us. God has new life for us. He is so worthy. I just wanna lift up my voice lift up my heart to him and just exalt him today. Let's exalt him together. Wherever you're at just lift up your hands. [sing starts] I exalt thee. I exalt thee. I exalt thee oh Lord [singing stops]. He is worthy, He is worthy, He is worthy. We love you Jesus thank you so much for your answered prayers for your faithfulness for your love. Hallelujah.
Hey DAB family this is Connie from Rhode Island. My friends Rick and Aaron told me about this app, and I've been loving it. I've probably only been listening for a month or two now. So, I'm probably one of the baby dabbers. I do have a prayer request. Personally, I had a shoulder procedure yesterday where they took the calcium out of my tendon that had formed. So, I'm just praying for healing that God would heal that tendon and heal up that hole where the calcium was so that I don't end up getting a tear because then I would need a full-on surgery which I would like to avoid. And I have to say I just love this app and I love hearing the prayer requests. Of course, I love the word being read by Brian. It's so beautiful and just hearing the word every day. But the prayer requests really touched my heart. And Justin with your anxiety…I hate to say your…let's not even say your…it's not your anxiety, it's from the devil, right? You reminded me of my son with anxiety. And he suffers on and off with some depression issues and you just broke my heart with that. But I've been praying for you. And as you all are calling in and sending in your requests, I agree with you and prayer for each and everyone. I already love you guys. I'm so grateful for you. God bless.
Hi this is Donna from California and I listened to you July 22nd. Today the podcast was just amazing. Brian you're doing such a fine fine job of breaking down Romans and the teachings of Paul in ways that are just so graspable. So, thank you. And I wanted to respond to Rula from Australia. And she was the first caller today on the prayer line. And she…you Rula, you called in I think one of the most heartfelt prayers that I have heard in a long time anywhere. It just…I know there are people who have the gift of praying out loud and who do just a fine job of…a beautiful job of putting forth…composing a prayer and just doing it just like that. And I…I also don't have that gift. I struggle with finding words. And I think what you said was just so from the heart. And you spoke…and you know it reminds me there is a scripture that, you know, when…when we don't know what to pray God…God…the Spirit is in there and it intercedes…it inter…you know…it already knows what…the Spirit, He…He knows what…what to bring out. And I find myself relying on that more and more and more instead of my own perfectionistic tendencies to try and get it right and get it right and then just getting more and more frustrated. But I just wanted to let you know that it was a…it really touched me what the words you spoke. I love you sister.
Good afternoon I just listened to Val from Vegas. First, I want to say how happy I am for this format. It has really blessed me, and I've been spreading the word about DAB. But I just want to thank Val from Vegas, your uplifting spirit. You are such a bright light my sister. And I thank you for that prayer you gave about mental health and healing. May God continue to bless you. And every time you come on there you are so bright and cheerful and I really appreciate this. And this format has been such a blessing. And May God bless and keep everyone. And I hope this continues to grow. Brian and his family, kudos to you. May God continue to uplift you and bless you as you continue your work. You are appreciated and I thank you all. God bless and keep you all. This is Mal in college.
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kahakais · 3 years
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if you watched atla and your biggest takeaway is fucking SHIP DISCOURSE i dont want to talk to you! dont come near me until you watch it again! for fucks sake 
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thekingofwinterblog · 3 years
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It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy
My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.
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upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 
This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.
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After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.
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It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.
Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.
It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.
if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.
his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.
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Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.
Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 
He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.
so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.
Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.
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this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori’s editors, if it was the case.
but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.
“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”
These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.
The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.
there are two ways to interpret this scene.
The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.
the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.
I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 
either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.
sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.
because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.
He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.
and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.
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and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.
While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.
So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.
and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.
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everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.
except of course it wasnt.
His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.
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frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.
Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.
And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 
Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 
In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.
He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.
after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.
and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.
there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.
Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.
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omg-imatotalmess · 3 years
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Avoidance
Hey guys! So, this is for @thisismysecrethappyplace who tagged me in their writing challenge. I’m sorry this took so long to get out. I hope this helps you through your birthday blues. Hope y’all enjoy!
Pairing: George Weasley x Reader
Requested: Kinda
Warnings: Slight angst (it ends nice and fluffy I promise) 
15. I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!
                                                              ---
Love was a funny thing. It had the power to make people do the stupidest things without even realizing it. It had the power to make people forget themselves. Love could completely turn someone inside out and set them on their head, and they'd be happy about it. You couldn't fathom it. How anyone could be happy about tearing their heart out and handing it to someone for safekeeping was a mystery to you. In fact, you thought it was total bullshit. Then you met George. 
Well, that's not exactly it. It wasn't love at first sight by any means, but sometime in the years you'd known him, it crept up on you. You hadn't even realized it at first. It had come on so slowly over the years that it felt natural. Then, all of a sudden, sitting in a sunny corner of the library, it hit you like a ton of bricks. You were in love with George Weasley. The boy who taught you to play quidditch, who laughed at all your bad jokes, who had been your best friend forever. Of course, you loved him. It was inevitable. And that's why you'd taken to avoiding him. 
You couldn't stand to be the aching, puppy-eyed girl grinning ear to ear as you offered him your heart. Never in your life did you want to feel that stupid. You also didn't like the very real possibility that it would ruin things between you. All you wanted to do was wait it out. Let yourself slowly fall out of love with him, and then things could go back to normal. However, George seemed to have other plans. After a good week of avoiding him, he finally caught up to you while you sat in the astronomy tower. 
"There you are. Been looking for you for ages, you know," he said. You could feel him grinning at your back. 
"Uh, yup, here I am. You found me," you said, cringing at your stilted words. 
"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you didn't want to see me. Silly me, I didn't know we were playing hide and seek," he laughed, dumping his bag on the floor and sitting down beside you. In typical George fashion, he left a tiny gap between your shoulders but knocked your knees together as he sat. It was friendly. You wished it wasn't. Then you hated yourself for wishing that. 
"Yeah, silly you," you said. 
"C'mon, don't tell me you're really avoiding me." His tone was still teasing, but you could hear the tightness beginning to form. 
"Well..." you began. 
"What? Why? Is it because Fred and I let you take the fall for that prank on Snape? Because I feel terrible about that, and I really am sorry," he said. 
"I am still kinda mad about that," you muttered to yourself.
"Does that mean you're avoiding Fred, too?" he asked, looking very much like he hoped the answer was yes. Just for the safety of knowing it wasn't just him. 
Things would have been so much easier if he didn't turn those big brown eyes on you. When he looked like that, you could see how devastatingly handsome he was even with that wounded look on his face. You hated it. The last thing you'd ever wanted to do was hurt him. How the hell were you supposed to explain to your best friend that you fell in love with him and wished you hadn't? You had the feeling that it would come out wrong if you tried anyway. You looked away. 
"You're not." It was a statement. 
"Well, no, not exactly," you mumbled. 
"What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?" he asked. 
"No!" you said, just a little too loud. "No, of course not." 
"You don't exactly go around ignoring your best friend without a good reason. Especially not you. Unless you forgot how to speak English or something. Even then, I bet you'd still come mess with me just because you knew I wouldn't understand you. You'd get a real kick out of that," he babbled. 
"George, take a breath," you reminded him. 
"What did I do?" he said, cutting off his rambling. You shifted uncomfortably, blushing under his gaze. If only he was just a little less endearing. If only he was ugly. If only you weren't dumb enough to fall in love with him. 
"You didn't do anything. I'm just being stupid," you said. 
"That doesn't exactly tell me much, you know," he replied, reaching out to take your hand. It was something he'd done a million times before. Your skin shouldn't have prickled under his touch. 
"No, I guess not. It's really not a big deal, though." The tingling spread up your arm. 
"Tell me about it anyway," he said, giving your hand the most unbearably sweet squeeze. It was like he had a direct line to your heart. That one little squeeze sent it into overdrive. You shivered, pulling your hand away and standing up. 
"I can't. Not right now, okay?" you said quickly. Snagging your bag from its place by the window, you turned to run like the coward you were.
"(Y/N)." Your name sounded heavy and tragic on his tongue. The whole situation felt like something out of a ridiculous romance novel, which made you hate it even more. 
"I'll explain it all to you when I get it straight in my head, okay? I promise," you said. While you never really planned to tell him about being in love with him, you would eventually be able to go back to normal. 
Taking one long step forward, he grabbed the sleeve of your shirt. His grip was so gentle that you could have pulled away if you'd really wanted to, but you didn't. Both of you stood there. Neither of you moved or spoke for a moment. You just kept your back to him, letting him curl his fingers into your sleeve. Eventually, he brought himself closer, leaning his forehead onto your shoulder. 
"Please don't ignore me anymore. It's only been a week, and I miss you," he whispered. You weren't sure you'd ever heard him so quiet. 
"George-"
"Please? I'd really rather you talk this through even if I don't have a clue what you're on about," he said. 
Jesus, having him so close you could damn near hear his voice inside your head was painful. So was the thought of walking away. George was your best friend. He deserved an explanation. It was cruel of you to do this to him when he didn't do anything wrong. You just weren't sure how to start. 
"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!" you blurted. Well, that was one way to do it. 
"You're in love?" he asked, somehow sounding more upset. 
"That seems to be what came out of my mouth," you said. 
"You're in love," he said again. This time it was more to himself. 
"Yeah," you sighed, turning to him. You rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly, feeling your cheeks flushing with heat. This wasn't a conversation you really wanted to have. He'd reject you in that sweet yet joking way only he could pull off, and you'd have to pretend to be okay with it, and things would be so much worse. If the castle was capable of swallowing you whole, you wished it would. 
"With who?" 
"Excuse me?" 
"Who is it?" 
"Who... am I in love with?" you asked. Oh no. Oh god. George, that sweet, stupid boy. He didn't get it. 
"Do I know them?" he asked. A frown pulled at the corners of his mouth. 
"I should hope so. You know, come to think of it, he actually looks a lot like you," you laughed, suddenly dizzy with mortification. The whole situation was laughable. Completely bizarre. What could you do besides laugh? 
"Oh," he croaked. "Fred then." 
"Fred?" you asked, blinking dazedly. 
"It's alright. You could have just told me. I would have even put in a good word for you. We're close, you know, I have an in with him. Wouldn't have minded setting you up. Can't imagine why you didn't just ask," he said with a half-hearted laugh. He began to back away from you. You watched as he ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip. For a split second, you thought he was going to cry. 
"I'm not talking about Fred," you said. 
"'M not sure who else you'd be talking about," he said. 
"You dense--" you muttered. Shaking your head, you figured you'd better give this another shot. 
"You, George, I'm in love with you," you admitted. It was his turn to blink at you. If the situation hadn't been so painfully awkward, you might have laughed at him. Half bent over with his bag hanging from one hand, lanky limbs paused mid-movement and sticking out at odd angles.
"Me? You really mean that? Me, as in George Weasley?" he asked. 
"You know a lot of other George Weasleys?" 
"Me! You're in love with me!" he hooted. A grin cracked across his face as he dropped his bag and swept you up in his arms. 
"I'll assume it's reciprocated then," you said as he crushed you against his chest. He laughed. It sounded a lot like years worth of built-up worry finally being released—a wonderfully contagious sound. A smile pulled at your mouth, and you buried your face in his chest. 
In lieu of an actual answer, he pulled you up, so your feet dangled off the floor and kissed you. You'd thought about George kissing you a thousand times, but you never imagined it would be like this. He kissed you like it was the only thing he'd ever wanted to do. Despite the enthusiasm that you could feel emanating from every pore, he was gentle. His mouth was warm, stretched around a familiar grin, and tasted faintly of honey. You wondered briefly why you ever thought about denying yourself this before  George overtook all your senses. Reluctantly, the two of you parted to breathe. 
"Guess I should have said something sooner," you panted. 
"Definitely," he said, sounding a little breathless himself. 
"So, I guess it really would be safe to assume you like me too," you teased. 
"I've been in love with you since fourth year. Glad to know you finally caught up," he said. His face was flushed a soft pink, making his freckles stand out more. You loved them. You loved him. 
"Sorry for keeping you waiting," you said. 
"This was definitely worth the wait." Smiling, you leaned in and captured his lips again. Now that you knew you were allowed, you weren't sure you'd ever stop. Maybe love wasn't so funny after all. 
@hufflepuff5972
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qqueenofhades · 4 years
Text
Okay, y'all. Time to do this one more time. Let the fact that there are so many of these posts right now reinforce the point. Many of you already know this, and I see and love you, but for anyone still ~undecided about their choice, should they be an American citizen of voting age on November 3, 2020:
Time to not be. It was time a long, long while ago, but I am going to have to say it again.
Primary season is over. The endless fine-tooth combing of candidates' policies and positions is over. We are all deeply well aware that the candidates on the Democratic ticket, being human beings and establishment politicians, are flawed. "BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS POSITION FROM 19/ 20-WHENEVER AS JUSTIFICATION FOR WHY IT'S TERRIBLE TO VOTE FOR -- "
No. Stop. Just stop. Stop threatening to hold the rest of us hostage, in the middle of a pandemic, the Great Depression, and racial inequality and protests on a scale not seen from the 1960s, because you did not get Barbie Dream Candidate. That is the behavior of terrorists and toddlers. If your supposedly enlightened morally pure ideology does not involve any action to mitigate the harm that is directly in front of you, it isn't worth a shit as an ideology actually devoted to helping people. If your approach to politics is to shout about how Pure your ideas are on twitter and tear down anyone working within a system of flawed choices to do the good that they can: you're not helping, and frankly, your constant threats to withhold your suffrage as a punishment to us aren't convincing the rest of us that we really need to listen to you or that you have anyone's best interests at heart. The Online Left TM is as much a vacuous, self-reinforcing noise chamber as the Online Right TM, and can sometimes tend to be even more dangerous.
I was saying this in 2016. A lot of us were saying this in 2016. I am just about to turn 32 years old and have been voting in federal elections for almost 15 years. For what it's worth.
This is not an ordinary election. This is not a contest between two flawed candidates who respect the system and want to work to enact their policies in the ordinary way. One is a flawed 90s era Democrat who nonetheless has already been pushed CONSIDERABLY left in his policies and platforms since the end of the primaries (and his existing platform would already make him the most left president elected, even more than Obama). The other is a fascist dictator who has openly spoken about refusing to accept the election results, his desire to abolish term limits and serve for life, and complete the pillaging of any remaining fragile American public funds for him and his cult of cronies. He does not respect the system. He does not want to do anything for anyone that is not himself. 160,000 and counting needless deaths of American citizens have already happened. Will keep happening.
This is the last time Trump has to face voters. This is the last chance the country has to repudiate his entire poisonous ideology and its marching Nazi minions. IF he steps aside, which is already far from guaranteed, he can ride off into the sunset as a vindicated two term president and probably be rehabilitated like George W. Bush was within a few years of leaving office. American political memory is very short. It will happen. Again, if he even leaves.
RBG is 87 and has cancer again. She will NOT survive another four years. Stephen Breyer is 81. Their seats could both come up in the next four years. The Supreme Court could be a right wing rubber stamp for whatever time we all have left before climate change and coronavirus kill us all.
"But if people just thought for themselves and did their homework and didn't vote the party line like sheep, we could support a third party/write in -- " Stop. Just stop. Attend a ninth grade civics class and learn about how politics work in America. Yes, the two-party system sucks. Yes, the Electoral College is a hot steaming pile of absolute bullshit. Magical unicorn fairy dust fantasies WILL NOT change that.
Do not vote for Kanye (who has pretty much openly admitted he is trying to play spoiler to Biden on behalf of his buddy Trump). Do not vote for godforsaken fucking Gary Johnson or Jill Stein who appear on ballots just to give sanctimonious leftists the illusion of virtue-signaling. If you want any chance of fixing the mess that 2020 has left America and the world in, you need to vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. The end.
Biden is a flawed old man who was our last choice, sure. He is also a distinguished public servant who has already been in the White House for eight years under Obama and thus we KNOW what to expect. He is an empathetic man who connects with people's personal tragedy and picked as his running mate a younger Black/biracial woman who directly confronted and called him out on past behavior. While the pundit class was simpering and whining about how it was Disrespectful and how could he consider her, Biden did so, and that speaks well to me of the fact that he is willing to learn, to take criticism, and not just accept it from a former Black female rival, but make her his second in command and the potential first female president of the United States.
Can you EVER picture Trump doing that? Not in eight thousand million years.
As for Kamala, we are all aware of her previous checkered history as a prosecutor (and even then, she did plenty of good things as well!). Since joining the Senate, however, she has consistently become one of its most progressive members. She is the co-sponsor of an economic aid package designed to give every American $2,000/month, backdated to March (the start of the coronavirus pandemic) and continuing at least a few months after its end. A Biden-Harris White House could make that happen. Especially if they are put into office with a Democratic House and Senate (for the love of God, Kentucky, kill Mitch McConnell with fire). That is just one example.
Harris's nomination is obviously historic. And Biden didn't choose another Biden (or another Tim Kaine, the blandest white man imaginable). He chose another Obama: a younger rising star of an immigrant background, a person of color, a former lawyer and someone who represents the diversity of the country that the white supremacists and the Cheeto in Chief have tried to paint as its worst and most degenerate evil.
A vote for Biden and Harris means getting rid not just of Trump, but Mike Pence, Vladimir Putin, Jared Kushner, Betsy Devos, the Trump crony destroying the Postal Service, the rampant coronavirus misinformation and bullshit, the destruction of Social Security and Medicare, the spread of Nazi propaganda from the President's twitter account, the likely two Supreme Court picks that would be as bad as Brett Kavanaugh or worse... on and on. Biden and Harris would be elected by progressive voters and thus answerable to them in 2022 midterms and 2024 general. They can both be, and already have been, pushed further left. They are reasonable and competent adults who have demonstrated experience and compassion. I KNOW about their flaws and past actions I don't agree with. But I'm frankly done with any more counterproductive straw man bitching about This One Bad Thing They Did and how it makes it a terribad awful choice to vote for them. Open your eyes. Look at the alternative. LOOK AT WHAT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED AND THE FACT THAT THIS IS NOT EVEN AS BAD AS IT COULD STILL GET.
Check your registration or register at vote.gov.
DO NOT LOOK AT POLLS AND DECIDE "EH BIDEN IS CLEARLY GOING TO WIN, I DON'T NEED TO VOTE." THAT IS HOW WE LOST LAST TIME.
Unseating incumbents is HARD. It is even harder when the other side has openly laid out their plan to cheat in great detail, and there is nothing really stopping them from doing it. The only thing, in fact, is massive, unfalsifiable results on an undeniable scale.
So:
Vote.
Vote for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.
Thanks a lot.
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9worldstales · 3 years
Text
MCU Loki Ep 4 “Nexus Event” intensive analysis
Okay, new episode which is, thankfully, kind of better than the previous. But let’s start with order.
So we’ll start with Asgard, only we aren’t told it’s Asgard nor in which year we are. I hope the fact we aren’t told the year is meaningful, because otherwise it’s just lazy.
We see a child Sylvie playing with toy dragon and toy Valkyrie when Renslayer, at the time a young hunter and other hunters get there to capture her. We don’t know what little Sylvie did wrong. As far as we know she had no magic so, unless she actually did have magic and her adult version didn’t know, it’s not like she was a male Loki who shapeshift into a female so this can be her Nexus event.
She’s just a child playing.
Whatever, Renslayer and the others didn’t care she’s a child, they decide she’s the Variant they were hunting, grabs her and take her away.
At the TVA Renslayer holds her for her arm in what should be an uncomfortable grip for poor Sylvie and doesn’t even look at her or tries to reassure her in any way.
I remember, when we saw all this being done to Loki, wondering if the series would dig into police brutality. Sylvie sees a man getting dragged in, she’s scare she asks for someone to help the man, no one cares. She goes through the same routine Loki went through at the TVA. Mercifully we don’t see her being left naked but we see her being forced to wear the TVA prison uniform for Variants.
For all the people who though what Loki went through was funny and the TVA was justified in doing it, now I want you to look well at what they’re doing at this poor child. It’s the same thing. Is it still funny? Do they still lokk like the good guys.
She’s scared and, as far as she know, she did nothing wrong and, despite her young age, no one is showing her any sympathy.
She’s guilty of the same crime Loki committed, ‘crimes against the Sacred Timeline’. She’s handled the same. If you justified or excused or agreed with what was done to Loki for ‘crimes against the Sacred Timeline’, you were agreeing to what is happening to her now.
Being stripped of her rights, handled like an object for a crime she had no intention or idea she had committed because it was made up by some unknown authority.
Once in front of the judge Sylvie manages to escape to Renslayer’s grip and steal her tempad.
Now, I can excuse the escaping and also the stealing. Maybe Renslayer is inexperienced and maybe she didn’t expect dangers from such a young child but how did she figured she has to steal the tempad and how to use it?
Up till now how Renslayer has used the Tempad for was to recognize her as the Variant they were searching for. She shouldn’t know it’s the Tempad which opens the Timedoors or how to work it. Sure, we can assume it’s really easy to use it but it  still makes no sense she knows she has to use it to open the timedoors.
Whatever, Renslayer remains frozen on the spot when little Sylvie escapes and I can wonder if she felt a bit of sympathy for her… only the scene is kinda weird because she looked angry and ready to strike when the Sylvie stomped on her feet so this sudden sympathy when she’s about to escape is out of place. They just stare at each other, NO ONE making an attempt to grab Sylvie before Sylvie escape through the timedoor which, differently from how it had done with Loki in Episode 2, immediately close behind her.
The scene switches to Renslayer who has her eyes closed as if this was her memory.
She then opens them and enter through a golden door, supposedly going to see the Time-Keepers.
We get a glimpse to the Time-Keepers and then the title.
In the next scene the door opens and Renslayer marches out of it, Mobius confirming she went to see the Time-Keepers. He asks her how she feels and she says she’s not well because she had to meet the Time-Keepers in a bad situation and it’s stressing enough to meet them when everything goes well so this is really terrible.
Now… I don’t know. Later in the episode it’ll turn out the Time-Keepers are fake so… didn’t she know? Is she pretending to be stressed for Mobius’ benefit?
She says the Time-Keepers are blaming her for the situation and for how Sylvie and Loki escaped. She doesn’t mention Loki tried to stop Sylvie from meeting the Time-Keepers.
In short although Loki tried to stop Sylvie and used the Tempad to escape only when Renslayer tried to kill them both,  through the whole episode they’ll handle him as if he tried to escape with her or worse help her to kill the Time-Keepers.
Renslayers remarks how
The Time-Keepers are all that stand between us and full-scale calamity.
…basically fuelling their own Time-Keepers cult.
Mobius though is more interested in talking with C-20 but Renslayer, with a tragic performance, tells him she’s dead because when she was enchanted this scrambled her mind and basically she began to decline till death. Tissues anyone?
Even Mobius feels a slight scent of b*llsh*t at this story since C-20 seemed fine when he brought her back to the TVA but since he trusts Renslayer he swallows it.
Poor C-20 clearly either got pruned or reset, somehow they didn’t decide to make the smart thing and re-brainwash her, but just preferred to kill her off.
Renslayer persuades Mobius to keep C-20’s death a secret so as not to create panic.
By the way, NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THE BOMBED TIMELINE AND NO ONE WILL TALK ABOUT IT LATER ON. It felt like the bombed timeline was merely something they did in Ep 2 to distract TVA and the viewers so that Sylvie could sneak in but nothing serious since it gets dropped so easily which is beyond disappointing. I mean, in Ep 2 it seemed to be such a huge problem and now… it’s nothing. All solved, all forgotten, just some extra work done in a short time.
Apparently, resetting the timeline in god knows how many points did nothing.
Really, that feel more like a dropped plot point or a plot hole than anything else.
For all that’s worth I find the acting between Mobius and Renslayer good. Every actor is working really hard in this series and I feel bad if it were to get lost into plot contrivances and plot holes.
Back to the story Renslayer pressures Mobius into tracking Sylvie and Loki.
The scene switches back to Lamentis. A lot more meteorites are falling but none of them close to Loki and Sylvie.
Sylvie is sit on a stone. Loki reaches her and apologizes. Because this episode wants him to be a narcissist but he again shows empathy to her.
Sylvie opens up to him, talking with him about her life.
Now is what Loki said about love being a dagger is something that’s not profound and pompous what about this that Sylvie says?
The universe wants to break free, so it manifests chaos. Like me being born the Goddess of Mischief.
It’s completely her speculation and gives her a sense of grandiosity. SHE’S IN A MISSION FOR THE UNIVERSE! THE UNIVERSE WANTS IT!
Don’t take me wrong, the TVA is keeping everyone prisoner but the universe didn’t create the Loki so as they could become its saviours.
We continue with Sylvie story. We’re supposed to swallow not only she figured the Tempad could open timedoor and how it worked but also how to recharge it and how to escape the TVA despite their many attempts to get her. Sylvie, who was already amazing for teaching herself how to enchant people, is set up to be even more amazing as she’s basically teaching herself everything and escaping from the TVA by centuries from when she was a young kid.
Who’s Tony Stark compared to her?
If this were to be a fanfic we would call her a Mary Sue or a Gary Stu.
She’s simply so awesome it doesn’t seem realistic for no reason at all especially compared to the other Loki Variant with her.
As Waldron is not a young girl writing for free I fear nobody will dare tell him he created a Mary Sue and people will only praise him for the oh so competent Sylvie.
And mind you, we need characters like Sylvie, who’re very competent.
Characters who’re sex fluid and bisexual and with a woman body and can still be strong and competent and above others… but the whole thing feels forced because she’s too good without a logic behind it, from figuring out it’s the Tempad that opens time door without never seeing it to do, to successfully escaping the TVA for so long.
When Loki managed to steal the Time Twister and use it, he has seen it being used previously more than once so it made sense he could use it and he had, to figure out how it worked, all the time Mobius spent discussing with B-15.
It made him smart to realize he could use it and he used it in a clever way but it wasn’t unbelievable because he had a grasp of how it worked, of what it could do.
Sylvie only saw it being used to identify her yet she guessed it was the thing that opened the Timedoors and how to make it work despite the Tempad having more than one function in basically a moment.
Then, although she apparently keeps on causing Nexus events everywhere she goes, she always manages to be one step ahead the TVA, escaping their grasp and, in all this, she also managed to recharge the Tempad using amazing power sources where Loki supposedly has no idea how it’s done. She fed herself, she learnt how to fight, she got herself a sword, she learn enchantment without having any basis whatsoever…
She’s the ‘superior Loki’ in a way, but why she should be superior to all the other Loki is absolutely random.
Anyway she says she grew up among ‘ends of the worlds’ and she will die in one of them, all while the scenery around them didn’t seem apocalyptic but romantic.
And mind you, the visual is really pretty but I feel the romance is misplaced, unnecessary.
And I’m still not sold in how they’re representing the moon.
Meanwhile Mobius is searching for them or better for a Nexus event that will lead him to them.
B-15, who hates variants, suggests they’re gone planning their next massacre… which isn’t true but if it were… can you blame them when you were the one who wanted to kill them in the first place and humiliated and belittled them? Should they have thanked you for your mistreatment?
She then asks about C-20 and Mobius says he has none so, worriedly, B-15 tries to urge him to… do something.
We go back to Loki and Sylvie and to the moon conveniently crumbling above them and yet not hitting them with them perfectly calm and enjoying the show.
Sylvie starts getting depressed.
Sylvie: Not long now. Do you think that what makes a Loki a Loki is the fact that we're destined to lose?
So okay, she feels she has lost but this is kind of a big leap. I mean, if the fact Loki was destined to lose is what made him Loki… then Thanos is Loki and Obadiah Stane is Loki and Red Skull is Loki and Killmongrel is Loki and so on.
Loki counters with something… interesting.
Loki: No. We may lose. Sometimes painfully. But we don’t die. We survive. I mean, you did. You were just a child when the TVA took you, but you nearly took down the organization that claims to govern the order of time. You did it on your own. You ran rings around them. You’re amazing!
Okay… so he knows he died in the sacred timeline. What’s his basis for saying they don’t die? The fact he survived to the wormhole? When he specifically wanted to die? Or that he survived through Thanos? Is the series ever going to touch that or we should pretend it never happened and Loki had a nice holiday with him?
Or a Time Charge hit the timeline in that point and erased that year Loki spent with Thanos?
Whatever, Loki is now busy admiring Sylvie for her efforts and being supportive… but it seems Marvel doesn’t want to count this as him being empathic and supportive with another being because she’s Loki… only episode 3 and the beginning of episode 4 went to great lengths to establish she’s not and hey, technically episode 3 is right in this.
I’ll point it out here and not later on because it’s probably important to discuss it immediately as it’ll come up later on a lot.
The identity of a person is made up by nature and nurture. Part of you is what you physically are, your genetic code that decide if you’re black or white, male or female or something else, human or a horse, tall or short, healthy or sick.
What you are will dictate part of what you will experience so it has a huge impact on you as it will decide part of your skills and part of your weaknesses.
Then, of course, there’s nurture.
Let’s pick twins. It’s worth to mention not all the identical twins share EXACTLY the same DNA because recent studies have proved mutation occurs in around the 15% of identical twins.
It’s also worth to mention that nurture begins really early. Even if we assume the two managed to keep the same genetic code, during development in the womb one twin might not receive the same amount of nutrients and this might affect his development.
And nurture will continue to affect them as they can even experience similar things (same parents, same house, same school) but there will be always differences that will end up affecting them.
Each twin is his own person, they’re not the same.
So now, Loki and Sylvie.
They’re clearly genetically not the same. What’s more we’ll see at the end there’s even a black Loki so basically this series doesn’t require the same genetic code for a Loki to be a Loki. So nature isn’t relevant here.
What about nurture?
We just learnt Sylvie’s story is completely different from Loki.
As a result her powers are different from his own. Her skillsets, her reactions, her temper is different from his own. She has different goals and different wants. As Sophia Di Martino said, she’s Sylvie, not Loki.
She’s as different from him as another person could be.
To me she even looked more like Thor than Loki.
So really, how’s self admiration when she’s actually not him? The only way for it to be self admiration would be if Loki isn’t admiring her for her own accomplishment, but just because he was told she’s him. But in this case he wouldn’t have been babbling for ours about who’s the lesser Loki.
If all Lokis are made equal in his eyes and worth his admiration because Loki then there’s no point to discuss who among them is better.
In short it’s a damn mess.
Anyway Sylvie touches Loki and he’s kind of surprised, in fact he looks at his arm.
In “Thor” the touch of a Frost Giant could turn Loki into his original look but we know Sylvie has touched Loki already when she tried to enchant him and that’s not the problem.
I wish the trick were she has enchanted him but later Mobius will say the problem is that they had started swooning on each other which opens a huge can of worms but we’ll discuss them later.
So now back to Mobius we go and to the timeline which begins to branch, signalling problems on Lamentis 1.
We return to Loki who raises his eyes from his arm and he and Sylvie look at each other for a moment before returning to pay attention to the show of meteorites falling closer. They turn again to look at each other, holding hands this time and smiling.
Back to Mobius we go and to how the branching timeline seems to go on a perpendicular line rather quickly. It impresses Mobius as it’s apparently an unheard event.
Back to Loki and Sylvie we go and to how two TimeDoor open in front of them.
We don’t know if they jumped through them to survive or if the TVA came out, grabbed them and dragged them through and it doesn’t matter.
In the next scene we see that both Sylvie and Loki are collared, held by guard as they struggle and escorted through the corridors of the TVA, Mobius leading them.
They’re then parted and when this happens they look at each other.
As they walk Mobius begins to talk with Loki. Evidently Mobius has no idea that Loki had been trying to stop Sylvie when they were at the TVA and works on the assumption they were accomplices. Maybe. It’s not really clear on which assumption Mobius is working.
Loki accuses him to have betrayed him and Mobius counters it’s Loki who betrayed him.
Actually they’re both wrong, Mobius more than Loki.
For a betrayal to happen, there needs to be a break of trust.
Now, in regard to Loki, trusting Mobius was a mistake. Mobius picked him up from the trial because he needed him for a use and was never honest with him.
Meeting the Time-Keepers? Mobius can’t met them himself, how could he help Loki meeting them?
But whatever, Loki apparently trusted him so I take he feels betrayed by how Mobius had him arrested when he actually didn’t betray Mobius. He tried stopping Sylvie, he tried capturing her, he ended on Lamentis 1 because Renslayer tried to kill them both, he didn’t cause the timeline to branch on purpose, for most of his permanence on Lamentis 1 he wanted to leave the planet and stick to his own plan to bring Sylvie back to the TVA.
So Mobius arresting him clearly feels an act of betrayal to Loki. He doesn’t know Renslayer didn’t report he tried to stop Sylvie and the fact Mobius didn’t trust him to do what he was supposed to but handled him like a criminal likely hurt.
But, as I said before, for all Mobius can say, he’s not his friend, he’s not someone who would trust and support him, Mobius cares about the TVA.
And Mobius feel betrayed because he thinks Loki plotted against the TVA with Sylvie.
This is wrong for two reasons, the first and most obvious being that Loki didn’t plot with her, the second being that, although Loki seemed to have missed it, he was working with Mobius under coercion. The TVA wanted to prune him, Mobius saved him but in exchange Loki had to make himself useful. This was made clear in episode 2 as well. Mobius said if using Loki didn’t work he would delete him himself and he made Loki sure this was his last chance (before being deleted) and that he had to work to make himself useful while Mobius went and have lunch.
You aren’t entitled to expect genuine loyalty from someone when you tell them ‘if you don’t give me what I want I’ll kill you’. I hope no one has forgotten this little talk from episode 2:
Mobius: This is the final step. Your last chance.
Loki: Oh, and what does my desperate last chance require?
Mobius: Work.
Loki: Work?
Mobius: I need you to go over each and every one of the Variant's case files, and then, give me your... How do I put it? Your unique Loki perspective. And who knows? Maybe there's something that we missed.
Loki: Well, you're idiots. I suspect you probably missed a lot.
Mobius: That's why I'm lucky I got ya for a little bit longer. Let me park ya at this desk. And don't be afraid to really lean into this work. Here's a good trick for you. Pretend your life depends on it. I'm gonna get a snack.
Mobius made really clear if Loki didn’t give him what he wants he’s a dead man.
For some weird reasons Loki decided to still be loyal to him (okay, so he wanted to get to the Time-Keepers and might suffer of Stockholm syndrome), but the most logical thing, as many had pointed out, was escape from the TVA first chance he were to get as Sylvie has been doing.
Now… to be honest there are situations in which you could ask this from another.
If Mobius had told Loki ‘Sorry, I know this is unfair and I want to help you but I can’t do more or I’ll get killed too. So I’ll protect you but I’ve to ask you to protect me as well by putting up with this.’
This though would have required Mobius to prioritize Loki’s survival and consider the fact he needed Loki to catch the Variant as an excuse to keep Loki alive.
That’s not the case, Mobius made clear although he has sympathy for Loki, he prioritizes catching the Variant. He didn’t suffer any repercussion when things went wrong.
He’s absolutely safe, his only risk comes from the Variant but this was the same even prior to Loki getting involved.
Mobius is using Loki and, in exchange for using him, he let him enjoy the benefit of being alive, albeit belittled by others around him. As I said talking about Episode 2, they don’t have an equal partnership.
I hate how Mobius says this:
Mobius: You know, it occurred to me that you're not really the God of Mischief.
Loki: Oh, here it comes. The folksy, dopey insult from the folksy dope. What am I? The God of Self-Sabotage, yeah? The God of Back-Stabbing?
Mobius: Just kind of an asshole and a bad friend.
The worst part is that Mobius seems to genuinely believe he’s a good friend to Loki, opposed to Loki who’s a bad friend. He didn’t even listen to his reasons or asked him what had happened. When Loki tries to tell him something ‘the TVA is lying to you’, he merely assumes Loki is lying. Mobius has no idea what a friend is. He’s angry in the way a pet owner is angry when his dog peed on the carpet, he doesn’t view Loki as equal, which is the basis for being friends.
His idea to deal with Loki now isn’t to listen to him, it’s to punish him by having him being beaten and belittled, as well as tossed hurtful words about Loki’s worst fear, being left alone. He doesn’t even dirty his hands with doing it himself, he just traps Loki in a timeloop in which Sif slaps him, kick him in the groins and punches him telling him he is a ‘conniving, craven, pathetic worm’ and that she ‘hope you know you deserve to be alone and you always will be’, all this because Loki cut her hair.
Now, this is based on something the Loki of the myth did, and that Marvel also had Loki do more than once in the comics, either with Sif or with other characters. In the original version and in the Marvel version Loki didn’t just cut some locks from Sif’s hair as he did here, but basically turned her bald.
It doesn’t matter, yes he was an *ssh*le and yes, I think Sif had all the rights to be angry and call him names and beat him.
BACK THEN.
Loki hurt her, she hurt him back, they are even. That’s the end.
Even Sif knows as she doesn’t remain there to beat him further until all his bones are broken.
Of course this is not going to work because beating someone and calling him names doesn’t magically turn that person into a better person, that’s why many countries abolished corporal punishment and considered it an useless torture.
But this doesn’t mean it’s okay for Mobius to take that moment and traps Loki into a time loop so he can get beaten and humiliated to Mobius’ heart content until he says he’s bad, bad, bad, which in real life is equally useless because we know if you start beating a person and won’t stop until he says what you want him to say, people in the long run will say everything to make the beating stop, they even confess crimes they didn’t commit.
That’s why, in many states, if you arrest someone you can’t beat him until he confess and any confession obtained by beating him is null and void.
And I particularly loathe the framing of all this for more than one reason but let’s start digging with the first ones.
“Thor” side material established that Sif is a better fighter than Loki but sadly the idea a girl can’t hit as hard as a man rules so Sif beating Loki doesn’t feel as bad as, let’s say, Cull Obsidian punching him over and over. Some see as fun that a male can be beaten by a girl and hit on the crotch, a rightful demeaning which excuses what’s being done because she’s just a girl and if Loki can’t defend himself it’s his fault… which is a rather disgusting mindsetting.
The fact Sif was, ‘supposedly’ Loki’s friend is clearly chosen to draw a comparison with Mobius… which doesn’t really work really well because we never truly saw Sif and Loki being friends.
In “Thor” she was fast in thinking he was plotting the downfall of Asgard. If the idea is their relation turned sour because Loki cut her hair… well, this is up to speculation because we never saw it being friendly.
And anyway, even Sif knew when to stop while Mobius evidently doesn’t as he continues to let him be beaten, again without even doing the job himself, framing it as if it was all Loki’s fault.
If he had to beat Loki into submission I would have honestly preferred him to just take a whip and beat him, this framing in which he ‘remains innocent’ while his dog gets punished for peeing on the carpet honestly disgust him. But okay, if the series were to use it to make a point about ‘police brutality’ I would have been fine with it. Mobius wants a confession, wants to force Loki to comply and beat him. The viewers will be shown how wrong is this and the message will be that you shouldn’t do it.
It would be great if Mobius were playing the part of the Bernardo Gui of the TVA.
Bernardo Gui: Brother Salvatore... these torments will cause me as much pain as you. You can end it before we even begin. Open the gates of your heart, search the depths of your soul. [Name of the Rose]
Too bad that’s not the case.
The scene switches to Renslayer’s office.
This is how Mobius defines what he’s doing to Loki:
Mobius: He's softening in the Time Cell, but while he marinates, I thought maybe I'd interview the other Variant.
Please, don’t tell me you never heard this sort of excuses in movies that included police brutality. Or outright torture to make you confess you were an heretic or guilty of a murder.
He’s not being beaten into compliance, he’s softening. We’re making him better, we’re making him willing. We’re absolutely not making anything bad in having him being beaten over and over. Because if you beat someone over and over you’ll always have a honest confession, won’t you?
Bernardo Gui: Since the verdict of the Inquisition has been disputed by Brother William... we are obliged to extract the prisoner's confession to murder. Take him to the forge and show him the instruments.
Remigio Da Varagine: I'll confess anything you want, but don't torture me. I can't go through a night like Salvatore!
Bernardo Gui: Very well. Why did you kill them?
Remigio Da Varagine: Why? I don't know why.
Bernardo Gui: Because you were inspired by the devil?
Remigio Da Varagine: Yes... that's it. I was inspired by the devil. [Name of the Rose]
But I’m running ahead.
Mobius would like to talk with the other Variant, aka Sylvie. Would he also torture her psychologically or physically or it would look bad on him to abuse of a woman? We don’t know as Renslayer, rather cheerfully, refuses to let him speak with her. Nobosy should speak with her.
Mobius tries in another way:
Mobius: I mean, if there's a mastermind here, I don't think it's Loki.
The problem I have with this sentence is that it’s not said because geez, it makes no sense Loki willingly escaped with a variant into an apocalypse with no means to leave it, all to create a branch that would allow the TVA to detect them and capture them.
It’s not even said because Loki is his friend and wouldn’t do it.
Or any other logical reason why Loki wouldn’t have done it.
The implication here seems to be just that Loki doesn’t seem smart enough to be the mastermind of all this fiasco, because this is a fiasco, mind you, as they were captured and if they weren’t they would be dead.
Renslayer’s reply isn’t what Mobius wants.
Renslayer: Good. Then he should be the easiest to break. Work your Loki and figure out what caused that spike. Time-Keepers are watching, Mobius.
She at least calls things with their name as she says Mobius is supposed to break Loki. To break him to get the truth. She has figured Mobius is having him beaten and she’s okay with breaking him. Because a regime beat people into compliance.
Then she put pressures on Mobius by telling him the Time-Keepers are watching which reminds me of how, in the past, people used to say to scare others ‘Remember: God is always watching you!’ and it wasn’t meant to be encouraging, as he’s watching you to protect you, no, he’s watching you because if you mess up he’s ready to punish you.
Welcome to the Time-Keepers cult everyone.
Mobius leaves.
We move to B-15 who’s asking to another hunter Sylvie has beaten if she’s Okay because Sylvie is the superior Loki and of course she has managed to beat one of the hunters guarding her.
Mobius joins B-15 and saying the hunter hurt comments:
Mobius: They don't go gently, do they?
WHY SHOULD THEY?
Are you going gently with Loki? You’re having him beaten over and over and my guess is you’re not doing the same with Sylvie because the show thinks it would look bad if they were shown beating a woman over and over.
Anyway B-15 is right when she calls Loki his ‘Variant pet’, as I said that’s how Mobius sees Loki, as a pet who peed on the carpet.
Mobius goes on:
Mobius: You know, we brought in Kree, Titans, vampires. Why is it the two orphan demigods are such a pain in the ass?
I hate this question honestly because it implies two orphan demigods should just go down quietly, that they aren’t as terrible as Kree, Titans, vampires. Why are they opposing to the TVA, why don’t let themselves just be erased. Or reprogrammed as you let the TVA do to you, Mobius.
You know, there’s people that’s not thrilled with the idea you can kill or submit them.
But Hunter B-15 despite looking down on the Variants, is worried so she asks if Loki said anything to him.
Mobius replies Loki told him the TVA is lying him. Oh, think the audacity! The TVA which is so honest. The agency he can believe it’s real because he believes it’s real.
Mobius: Odin, God of the Heavens. Asgard, mystical realm, beyond the stars. Frost Giants. Listen to yourself...
Loki: It's not the same. It's completely different. No. It's not the same.
Mobius: It's exactly the same thing. Because if you think too hard about where any of us came from, who we truly are, it sounds kinda ridiculous. Existence is chaos. Nothing makes any sense, so we try to make some sense of it. And I'm just lucky that the chaos I emerged into gave me all this... My own glorious purpose.
Mobius: Cause the TVA is my life. And it's real because I believe it's real.
Such a solid base. And Loki tells him they’re lying. No, really? His little personal cult, lying TO HIM?
Of course B-15 fears differently but she had an experience Mobius couldn’t share.
We go back to Loki who now is on the ground and is begging Sif to hit him no more. And a side of me facepalm.
Okay, as said before Sif was established to be stronger than him but he knows she’s coming. He could goddamn prepare and put up a fight instead than just stay there and get beaten which, I guess, is painful.
I’ll assume he can’t use his magic so I’ll forgive him for not using that but he could just take a flower vase, hit and crash it against Sif’s head when she enters.
Never mentioning that if he kept on getting punched and beaten, since HE doesn’t rewind, by now he should have a quite bruised check. Again, since Mobius wanted him beaten it would have made more sense if he just had whipped him but no, we needed to get this thing that supposedly tame the beating down so we don’t feel disgusted if we don’t think at it too hard.
Anyway Loki has enough and gives Sif what she wanted to hear.
Loki: Please, please, no more. Please, I beg you. I'm a horrible person. I get it. I really am. I cut off your hair because I thought it'd be funny. And it's not. Uh... I crave attention... because I'm... I'm a... I'm a narcissist. And I suppose it's... It's because I'm scared of being alone.
So let’s talk of all that’s wrong with this.
First of all Loki was coerced in saying this. It means goddamn nothing.
Second if this is meant to be the truth and someone doesn’t point out a little louder how the TVA is a fascist organization that deploy torture and anyway it’s bad to coerce people into saying the truth this way, it basically encourages to beat people to get them to be honest. Which is disgusting.
Third, it makes a HUGE deal of something that it’s relatively minor. I mean, Mobius wanted him to say he’s a horrible person? For cutting Sif’s hair?!? This is his worst crime, something Loki need to regret?
The TVA in Ep 1 was all about pinning on him the blame for the attack on New York but Sif’s hair, oh, cutting Sif’s hair is obviously worse. Only no, because it meant to happen in the Sacred Timeline so the TVA would have punished him hadn’t he done it.
So you can read this in two ways.
Either Mobius’ logic is dumb or the episode’s logic is dumb. If the story is trying to paint Mobius as an idiot and an hypocrite or he’s just trying to confuse Loki so that he’ll say everything and the opposite of everything and it doesn’t matter if it make sense or not fine, I’m cool, but if I’m supposed to run with this instead and think Mobius’ amazingly therapeutic way to get Loki to realize his faults and think at his behaviour and realize what he is, is to have Sif beat him into submission they’ll do better to think it twice.
Now… this part ‘I crave attention... because I'm... I'm a... I'm a narcissist. And I suppose it's... It's because I'm scared of being alone’ doesn’t make sense.
You don’t become a Narcissist because you’re scared of being alone. If you’re a Narcissist you crave attention and are scared to be alone but fears of loneliness doesn’t turn people into narcissists.
Now… is Loki a Narcissist? It’s kind of ridicule Loki would self diagnose it to himself, especially without any competence in psychology which on Asgard doesn’t seem to exist or they would know adopting a child and not telling him he’s adopted ends up badly in 99,9% of the cases. He’s probably using the term loosely but whatever, let’s run with it.
@lucianalight wrote an awesome essay (whose reading I recommend along with the others of the same series) explaining why he isn’t and Cinematherapy who can count on a real therapist, did a video explaining why he is. So who’s right?
Both and neither.
Let’s start with Cinematherapy as they employ a professional.
If you watch the video (recorded prior to the series) you realize they make a HUGE canon mistake right at the start. They assume Loki’s magical powers come from Loki being a Frost Giant.
That’s not bad will from their part, this is actually based on how they’ve watched the movies… and nothing else so they skipped all the additional side material and cut scenes. They didn’t watch the cut scene in “Thor: The Dark World” saying how Loki learnt magic from his mother nor read it in a side material publication or interview. They have no idea Loki’s sceptre was influencing him in “The Avengers” because that’s only written on Marvel’s web and not present in the movies and don’t seem to consider Loki in the year between “Thor” and “The Avengers” had to go through something terrible that could involve Thanos and torture or even death since that was only mentioned in interviews and in pretty vague terms. They consider “Thor: Ragnarok” part of the canon without considering how Taika Waititi deliberately, for his own admission, retconned it.
So their analysis uses the 5 movies and considers Loki in ‘perfect’ psychological state through the 5 of them. And it makes sense Cinematherapy analysis are meant to talk to casual viewers not to fans who knows everything about the movies.
@lucianalight instead considers all the side material included the cut scenes and the interview and discard “Thor: Ragnarok”. As a fan who well knows the story and the authors’ intentions she has access to a completely different set of information that Cinematherapy didn’t use in their analysis.
The result is that Cinematherapy and @lucianalight fundamentally looked at two different stories, albeit rooted on the same movies, and since they analyzed different material, they came up with contrasting analysis in which neither is wrong because they’re basically analyzing two different Variants of Loki.
But what’s the Variant we should look at to understand if the Loki of “Loki” is a Narcissist or not?
The real problem with diagnosing a character of fictional works is that said character is well… fictional. He can’t have a personality disorder, said disorder needs to be scripted into him by the writers… who often know very little of psychology, which is why I prefer to use trope to analyze characters than the effective mental disorders.
But with Loki we’ve a huge problem, because, in addition to the writers not being experienced about disorders, we’re talking about writerS, plural.
There’s more people writing Loki, and each of them can’t agree on how to interpret him.
So we have:
“Thor” in which Loki hardly presents traits of Narcissism.
“The Avengers” in which he presents them.
“Thor: The Dark World” in which he alternates presenting them, depending on the scene being written by Whedon or Don Payne (who also worked on “Thor”) and Robert Rodat.
“Thor: Ragnarok” in which he presents traits of Narcissism.
“Avengers: Infinity War” in which he doesn’t present them, if you read the interview, he’s just saying whatever comes to his mind to try to get a chance to kill Thanos and save his brother aware he can easily get killed… or in which he presents them if you don’t read the interviews and believes he’s persuaded he will come on the top.
If you mix the movies together and take them as they are without checking the additional material, the ones in which he presents traits of Narcissisms ends up colouring the view of the ones in which he doesn’t.
If you consider only “Thor” and “Thor: The Dark World” (the Don Payne and Robert Rodat part) which tried to keep the same continuity as the same scriptwriter was involved in both of them, he doesn’t.
I’ll be honest though, I think Marvel wants to slap that disorder on him.
They’ve discovered it’s oh so funny to have Loki feel so high and mighty and then be humbled down by having the Hulk smash him or Thor tossing him out of a spaceship or electrocuting him or Sif kicking him in his groins.
However I think Marvel is trying to milk their cow too much.
The scenes in which Loki is humbled work wonderfully in “The Avengers” because Loki genuinely felt high and mighty to the viewers to the point we didn’t expect him to be defeated, so seeing him being humbled down by the Hulk, by Hawkeye’s arrow, by Coulson shooting at him, were all powerful moves.
You didn’t expect them, Loki was a real threat in the movie and you’re as surprised as him when he gets defeated.
I mean when Hawkeye throws his arrow and Loki grabs it with no effort, it pushes you to think ‘oh, he’s too strong’ only for it to explode in his face.
You don’t get the same feeling in this series.
Loki is not strong nor particularly competent or bright. His words aren’t profound nor persuasive. His confidence seems baseless, his humbling down becomes expected, here, against Sif, he basically did NOTHING, except being beaten up. His verbal efforts to stop her were pathetic.
You aren’t surprised by Sif beating him, by Sif not being persuaded by his first weak attempts at stopping her verbally, his words aren’t convincing, his attempts at stopping her physically, inexistent.
It gets boring for the viewer as well as it ultimately gets ‘boring’ for Loki who, at a certain point says:
Loki: I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times. "You. You conniving, craven, pathetic worm. You did this." Right?
He’s no more affected, it had become routine and it is for us too.
It’s a fail a wasted scene.
Overall I think Waldron doesn’t think highly of Loki. He views him as a Narcissist who thinks highly about himself but in truth is nothing special. A comic relief, an agent of chaos. At the same time… I’m not sure he knows what a Narcissist is, or that he’s thinking at the Narcissistic personality disorder because this Loki shows empathy. In this episode he showed he is not envious of Sylvie and his arrogant behaviour is a cover to cover up his weakness.
So honestly… whatever, I don’t care. No, okay, I do.
I’m sad because I see a lot of people working hard in this series, from the actors to Kate Herron who really love Loki and wanted this job but for me the plot of a story and the characterization of the characters are important and only Sergio Leone can pull out a masterpiece with a man with no name and a poor script.
Mind you, this episode is better than the previous in terms of plot but… overall is weak. I really, really hope the series will improve in Ep 5 and 6 because episode 3 & 4 just weren’t that great.
I really want Loki to have a great series but wanting it and getting it aren’t necessarily the same things.
Anyway back to the plot.
Although after Loki’s confession Sif doesn’t beat him and help him to get up this is what she tells him.
Sif: You are alone and you always will be.
Basically yeah, Loki’s confession meant nothing because he can’t change anything. He can’t get attention or company, not even behaving better. This is Sif’s message in the end. He’s pathetic and this time she doesn’t beat him up because it feels like beating a pathetic person.
Now, I’m not saying she should have forgiven him. Not this Sif. But the overall situation is warped. Although she didn’t mean to, she technically beat him nonstop, he had way more than enough, and if Sif hadn’t been trapped into a timeloop she would have known.
This Sif was used as a toy to do a job Mobius didn’t want to do personally.
It’s overall a sick situation and, since this Sif didn’t know she had been abusing Loki for only God knows how long, although she helps him to stand she rightfully doesn’t feel they’re even.
And though Loki had gotten a break from being beaten, it’s clear his admission ultimately did nothing good to him psychologically. If he’s alone and will always be as such… why should he care he hurts others? Why shouldn’t he take a bit of fun where he can?
And all this is psychological manipulation of course because then Mobius appears like a balm.
LOKI: There's not many people that can sneak up on me. (turns to see NATASHA STANDING THERE)
NATASHA: But you figured I'd come.
LOKI: After. After whatever tortures Fury can concoct, you would appear as a friend, as a balm. And I would cooperate.
Now… I have not the slightest idea of what Mobius is planning to do here. He doesn’t trust Loki, he doesn’t really want the truth, whatever that can be, he wants a truth of his liking and this is not negotiable.
Loki tells him that he’ll give him info only if he’ll let him out of the place and stop beating him and he decides this means Loki previously wasn’t telling the truth because he’s not being submissive enough.
Mobius makes clear he wants to hear about the plan between Loki and the Variant and that he wants Loki to give him the answers he wants, not the truth. Which is stupid because instead he needs the truth.
When Loki tells him the truth, that he wasn’t partner with Sylvie, he’s dismissive of his answer.
Mobius: Yeah, I guess you don't do partners. Unless, of course, it benefits you, and you intend to betray them at some point.
Loki insists on not having a partnership with Sylvie.
Loki: It was a means to an end, Mobius. Welcome to the real world. Down there, we're awful to get what we want.
Mobius: Now I gotta have a prince tell me how the real world works?
I hate this mentality that has started to develop into Marvel movies as if royalty lived a fairy tale life and could have no idea of the real world, especially the part in which ‘we're awful to get what we want’ because it’s dumb. Royalty has an history of being awful to get what they want that’s as long as the start of civilization. If Mobius doesn’t know, maybe he is the one who has no idea how the real world work, how many wars had been declared because a king wanted the land of his neighbour or something else. How they could accuse people of betrayal or of imaginary crimes to get rid of them.
Laufey is a king and moved war to Earth. Odin is a king and drowned civilizations in blood.
T’Chaka is a king and abandoned his nephew so as to cover an unwanted truth.
The Supreme Intelligence of the Kree Empire took advantage of Carol Danvers, altering her memories.
And that’s just the Marvel universe. So really Mobius, are you sure that all royalty is the equivalent of Disney princesses who sings are lovely and have talking pets?
And then Mobius does a really STUPID question.
Mobius: Why don't you just tell me what caused the nexus event on Lamentis?
So the series has gone to a great length to establish people doesn’t know they cause a nexus event. They can’t see the sacred timeline they move at random and SLAM, sometimes they end up doing something they didn’t know they weren’t planned to do and it results in a nexus event. BUT THEY DIDN’T KNOW IT BEFOREHAND! SO HOW IS LOKI SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!?
But anyway they clearly weren’t supposed to be there so everything they do can create a disturbance if it’s not erased by the apocalypse. For example if they sent a missile to destroy the neighbour planet before Lamentis 1 was destroyed they clearly would affect the Sacred Timeline because the neighbouring planet wasn’t meant to get blasted away.
But still… they found them there, waiting for destruction with no means to escape and with no idea the TVA would have appeared because they broke the sacred timeline.
It’s kind of a giant warning sign they’ve no idea what they’ve done.
So Mobius demanding to know feels as if they had dumbed down Mobius as well.
Loki wants to play stubborn and he has good reasons since he fears for his life.
Loki: Let me say this again. I'm not going to tell you just so you can turn around immediately afterwards and prune me.
In reply Mobius decides Loki needs to be tortured by Sif some more.
So Loki does what Remigio Da Varagine did when Bernardo Gui promised to torture him, he tells Mobius what he believes Mobius wants to hear, that of course they were accomplices and of course they had a plan and he was in charge of it.
Only Mobius has decided that Sylvie is the better Loki so he doesn’t believe Loki is in control and, to test him, he tells him Sylvie was pruned.
This hits Loki as he has grown feelings for Sylvie. He tries to play it as he doesn’t care but Mobius guesses he’s affected.
On a sidenote the series painting Loki oh so transparent affects negatively Thor as well as Thor never seems to realize it when Loki is affected, which leads to the implication Thor is either dumb or doesn’t care or… he’s written by someone else who thinks Loki is better at masking his feelings.
Mind you, in the movies Loki has moments in which is feelings are on display for everyone to see but also moments in which they’re guarded. Here they simply are not. In the series his feelings are constantly on display as if he somehow has lost the ability to guard them even if he tries to.
Anyway Mobius decides that Loki caring for the variant means he got a crush on her. I wish I could say he’s wrong but this is what Waldron has to say on the topic:
“That was one of the cruxes of my pitch [for the series], that there was going to be a love story. We went back and forth for a little bit about, like do we really want to have this guy fall in love with another version of himself? Is that too crazy? But in a series that, to me, is ultimately about self-love, self-reflection, and forgiving yourself, it just felt right that that would be Loki's first real love story. The look that they share, that moment, [it started as] a blossoming friendship. Then for the first time, they both feel that twinge of, ‘Oh, could this be something more? What is this I'm feeling?’ These are two beings of pure chaos that are the same person falling in love with one another. That's a straight-up and down branch, and exactly the sort of thing that would terrify the TVA.” [Loki Writer Explains Episode 4's Sylvie Love Story Reveal]
Why there needs to be a love story? A romantic love story? Self-love is different from self-cest. Learning to appreciate yourself doesn’t mean you suddenly wants to date yourself.
Besides, if the whole point was having Loki fall for himself, then let Sylvie be him!
Sylvie is so different from him she could very well be a different person... and it’s actually worth to ponder a bit on this.
As I said before Sylvie is genetically different from Loki. By logic this would mean more than Loki, she’s Loki’s fraternal twin from a parallel dimension. Only, if the TVA prunes whatever diverges by the sacred timeline this means she should have been pruned at birth because the sacred timeline has a male Loki. But no, she gets the time to grow up till… the Asgardian equivalent of 10 years old?
And only because back then she has somehow made something that didn’t fit with the timeline?
What was that, she was told she was adopted and, since her parents this time did things properly she felt loved instead than the monster parents tell their children at night and was about to grow up as a psychologically healthy girl?
Anyway, back to the problem, we’ll see at the end that, among the other Loki there’s also another Loki who clearly doesn’t have the same genetic code of Loki. No, I’m not talking of the Loki played by Deobia Oparei, Loki’s skin colour was supposed to be blue, it’s of course worth questioning why Odin went for black instead than white this time (does he come with an Asgard where everyone is a person of colour?) but it can be just the result of Odin’s magic. What I’m talking about is the Loki alligator.
Because normally who give birth to alligators aren’t frost giants but alligators… that or Asgard was populated by alligators. Or, that Loki was magically turned into an alligator but somehow I doubt it.
So anyway, if Loki might not share the same genetic code with his variants and not being pruned at birth… this works for Laufey too. This works for everyone.
Basically all the Variants could be completely different people who happen to share the same name.
In a way we know about the TVA work as much as we knew before episode 1. Sometimes they accuse someone deciding he broke the timeline… but sometime they don’t care if such break is done. Why? Because the Time-Keepers say so.
Great, whatever, I really don’t see the need of Loki falling in love for a version of himself who couldn’t be more different from himself than Sylvie is. At this point he could have fallen in love for anyone, even B-15.
Couldn’t they put in the show Verity Willis instead than Mobius and Sylvie?
The genuine friendship and appreciation they have in the comic which is also part of what saved Loki in the end was much better than the ‘friendship’ he has with Mobius or the abrupt crush for Sylvie.
And mind you, I like Sylvie as a character. I just don’t like what the series is doing with her.
Mobius too is well done as a character… but he’s the farthest thing from a friend for Loki.
Back to the story Mobius is having the time of his life because Loki is in pain for Sylvie’s supposed death since he has fallen for her.
Because friends obviously love it when you’re in pain when you believe your crush is dead.
Then he goes and say:
Mobius: No wonder you have no clue what caused the nexus event on Lamentis. Both of you are swooning over each other.
Wait so he knew Loki has no clue about what caused the Nexus event? And despite this he tortured Loki? And now he claims Loki has no clue because he and Sylvie were swooning over each other? Because that’s always what happened when a Nexus event happens, isn’t it? People swoon on someone else and don’t realize they’re causing a Nexus event. Loki was probably swooning on the Tesseract and Sylvie on her Valkyrie doll, right? The logic here is big.
Mobius: It's the apocalypse. Two Variants of the same being, especially you, forming this kind of sick, twisted romantic relationship. That's pure chaos. That could break reality. It's breaking my reality right now. What a incredible seismic narcissist. You fell for yourself.
Yeah, the sacred timeline is something that can bear people being turned into slaves, Jewish people being gassed into concentration camps, children being abused, terrorism, the destruction of Pompeii, New York being attacked by the Chitauri, Lamentis 1 getting destroyed, Bucky being turned into a slave of Hydra, Asgard being destroyed, Peter losing his parents, Thanos purging half of the universe, Tony Stark having to die when they could have just wiped away the Thanos that went into the future but God forbid two Loki were to commit selfcest. What are lives lost compared to selfcest?
Much, much better to wipe away half of all the living things than that.
Because…
“These are two beings of pure chaos that are the same person falling in love with one another. That's a straight-up and down branch, and exactly the sort of thing that would terrify the TVA.” [Loki Writer Explains Episode 4's Sylvie Love Story Reveal]
Ah, okay, great, it’s just because they’re two beings of pure chaos. If it had been Captain America falling for a Variant of himself the timeline would have clapped at him. No really, I still hope you take back this somehow and say it was all to mislead us because for me it’s not a problem of selfcest. It’s a HUGE problem of something called LOGIC. What’s this “Alice in the wonderland”? Mobius continues being a good, supportive friend by mocking Loki when she tells him the Variant’s name was Sylvie. Really Loki, with friends like this you were better with Thanos calling himself your dad. Finally anyway Loki manages to have Mobius tell him Sylvie is still alive, which gives him some relief, then Mobius goes on.
Mobius: And was infiltrating the TVA, was that always sort of the grand plan?
Wait, is he implying that when Loki produced his first Nexus event he did it so he could infiltrate in the TVA? Because of course he would know that they wouldn’t prune him but Mobius would come to his rescue? What had Mobius been drinking? Then when Loki tells Mobius maybe the Time-Keepers need to be overthrown Mobius goes:
Mobius: I ought to box your ears.
Because of course, violence is the solution and Loki should only be grateful to the Time-Keepers who kidnapped him and want to terminate him, shouldn’t he? Mobius is simply terrible here… which I don’t like because in a while I’ll be supposed to feel sad for him.
Loki now tries to tell Mobius the truth… only Mobius doesn’t want to listen, he claims Loki already told him 50 lies in the past 10 minutes without even considering he called for them as he tortured Loki to get what he wanted to hear, not the truth and anyway, if Loki isn’t trustworthy why they’re having that discussion?
Plus he belittles everything Loki says by basically downplaying Sylvie. She’s his girlfriend, his female self. She’s not her own. And of course in addition to downplaying Sylvie he has to insult Loki’s feelings because that’s what friends are for.
Mobius: Whatever you want to call her. What, your female self that you have some demented crush on...
Honestly, if Mobius had had a crush on Loki I would have waved this as him being jealous and bitter Loki found someone else but he does not. He took possession of Loki, looked down on him as some sort of pet, tried to manipulate him into obedience and babbled of a friendship that clearly didn’t exist and that had no reason to exist even if he hadn’t acted as a jerk because they barely know each other.
Friendship is something earned over time, not something others own you because you save them from death provided they’ll work for you.
What in the world is the TVA idea of friendship?
Anyway Loki informs him they’re all Variants and all the truth connected to it.
For a moment it seems to work, Mobius seems to be affected.
But this isn’t a truth Mobius wanted to hear because it ruins the basis of the TVA and the TVA is…
Mobius: Cause the TVA is my life. And it's real because I believe it's real.
So Mobius goes and call all of that a lie and since he hadn’t been a jerk enough he felt the need to play Odin’s role and remind Loki of his path in the sacred timeline.
Mobius: You two, what a pair! Gosh! Unbelievable. Wherever you go, it's just death, destruction, the literal ends of worlds.
What a friend, huh? Honestly I think he went for that line deliberately, because he has seen Loki’s life in the sacred timeline and saw Odin tossing a similar line to him and knows it hurt him.
Odin: Do you not truly feel the gravity of your crimes? Wherever you go there is war, ruin and death.
It’s also probably worth to mention this Loki hadn’t caused any of the ends of the worlds he’s been in.
Then he does what everyone expected, he decided he didn’t need Loki anymore and could get rid of him.
Mobius: Well, I'm gonna have to close this case now, 'cause I don't need you anymore. Yeah, or as you might say, our interests are no longer aligned.
Honestly I don’t like the idea of Loki falling for Sylvie but with people like Mobius around him… why am I complaining? Sylvie, who also attacked and belittled him, was much better as she didn’t go and called herself his friend at least. She was more honest than Mobius so congratulation Mobius, you beat the Goddess of Mischief.
On a sidenote the lines red and grey on the wall give me the feeling they’re in a circus tent. So yeah
Loki: The Time-Keepers have built quite the circus, and I see the clowns are playing their parts to perfection.
Anyway Loki is dragged away to be tortured by Sif again. Because Mobius hadn’t had him beaten up into submission enough before killing him. This is just sadistic.
This time Loki though is so angry he’s calm.
Loki: You know, of all the liars in this place, and there are a great many, you're the biggest.
Mobius: Why? 'Cause I lied about your girlfriend?
Loki: Oh, no. That I can respect. I mean, the lies you tell yourself.
Honestly I hate how Mobius continues to call Sylvie ‘his girlfriend’, not because I don’t like the idea of them paired together but because I get it’s Mobius’ way to belittle them both. She’s not her own person, not Sylvie, she’s Loki’s female self that he has some demented crush on. That’s all he makes her to be.
I don’t know what happened to Mobius in this episode. He seemed to have moral standards in Ep 1 & 2. He didn’t seem to enjoy hurting others for no reason. Now he does.
Well, at least Loki gets to call him on the lies he tells himself.
So, a break here. Great acting from both, good direction from Kate Herron, dumb plot.
The idea is that Mobius is questioning Loki to know what caused the Nexus event, right? But instead than his intelligence he uses physical torture. Now it would be fine if he needed to get a confession and didn’t care about the truth but he cares about the truth, he needs it to prevent future nexus events. Only no, he doesn��t care. Whatever.
Then he tries to see if Loki has feelings about Sylvie, which he does and jumps to the idea that Loki must love her because since they’re a male and a female there’s no other way to care for each other if not romantic love. He can’t view her as a sister or have pity of her, no it has to be romantic love and Waldron backs him up so it is and so this has to be what broke the timeline because… the timeline can tolerate any sort of crime but not selfcest committed by chaotic beings?
It must be this because if Mobius find something demented the timeline would as well, we’ve proofs… no we don’t have it is just speculation but Mobius read Waldron’s interview so he knows it’s true.
So Mobius has his answer, the timeline is against selfcest. Case closed. Logic thrown out of the window notwithstanding.
But then Loki really tells him the truth but Mobius doesn’t like it so let’s torture Loki some more. Because Mobius is so intelligent he can tell when Loki is lying, the series has already established it, so this has to be Loki lying right? And Mobius let him be tortured despite claiming he’s Loki’s friend and having tons of doubts about what C-20 saw and how Rendlayer is acting oddly because that’s what friends do. It has Thanos’ seal of approbation after all.
Whatever, let’s go on.
So we move to Hunter B-15 doing calming breaths as she’s clearly very upset. It’s worth to remember she was depicted as hating Variants the most. Her gaze falls on a poster recommending to capture all the variants and make sure to delete them all.
The fun part is that the guy on that poster remind me of the Mobius of the comics… but maybe it’s just me.
After this B-15 turns on her weapon and orders the ones guarding the entrance of the theatre in which they had put Sylvie to let her in. They don’t even discuss or hesitate, they just let her in.
Sylvie acts in the confident manner Loki used to act in “The Avengers” when he was prisoner of the Avengers.
Sylvie: Hello... Oh, I don't know. Your name's a number. Can't read it from here.
As she says so she moves closer. B-15 though put away her weapon, opens a timedoor and tells her to come with her.
Why they go away through a timedoor? Couldn’t they talk there? Isn’t it more risky as not only Sylvie could use this to escape but they might risk altering the oh so sacred timeline? Are there hearing devices in the theatre? Does the guards outside eavesdrop?
Whatever, we’re back to Renslayer’s office.
Mobius is thoughtful, Renslayer is happy because the case is closed. So Mobius really presented as excuse for the branch the fact that Loki and Sylvie supposedly fell in love? Because if Loki cares for someone is romantic love? He cried for Frigga too, for Asgard? Why it has to be romantic love for Mobius? Because Sylvie is a woman and Loki is a man and God forbid a man could care for a female in any other way that’s not romantic? Because the script said so? Couldn’t he care for her like a twin sister? She even acts like Thor here and there but she’s smarter than him. Would the timeline branch anyway?
Whatever, I guess I’m not meant to make questions but if the case is closed why he had to stuck Loki again in that timeloop to be beaten and humiliated? It’s not like Renslayer is checking him and even if she were or the Time-Keepers were which would have been the harm in letting him sit there like Sylvie is?
For which reason Mobius is trying so hard to break him? Revenge? He didn’t seem such a jerk in Ep 1 & 2 and now… why has he changed?
Anyway Mobius is beyond obvious acting weird despite Renslayer being all happy for the case closed and asking him
Renslayer: If you could go anywhere, anytime, where would it be?
She clearly mean for personal pleasure, maybe she plans on letting him have a holiday anywere he’d like but Mobius doesn’t seem to get it.
Mobius: I can go anywhere, anytime.
His reply hints he reduces everything to work, to going anywhere, anytime for work and while Renslayer tries to get him to open up he asks again why she didn’t let him interrogate ‘Sylvie’, which is a mistake as when in Renslayer’s office he usually calls the Variants just Variants, not by name, unless it’s necessary. Besides Renslayer doesn’t know the Variant’s chosen alias so she’s twice as confused.
Mobius has to explain ‘Sylvie’ is how Loki calls the Variant and Renslayer tells him it wasn’t so as to make sure it wouldn’t escape, and when Mobius says she wouldn’t have escaped (because Mobius is so good at keeping the Loki Variants close) she reminds him the other Variant did escape while in his care (yeah, twice, Mobius you aren’t as good as you like to present yourself).
Renslayer tries again to get him to answer her on where he’s like to go and he replies
Mobius: I like being here now, with you, doing the work.
Which is solely because he’s deadly scared of admitting he’d like to be some other place. He doesn’t like his life there, he loves jet ski and would like to ride one but he’s just scared to do so and finds comfort in the monotony of his own life. Which is beyond depressing and is part of the lies he tells himself.
Renslayer gives up and informs him she’d heard the Time-Keepers and they will personally oversee the Variant's pruning and they want Mobius to be there as well. I take that with ‘the Variant’ they mean Sylvie but later we’ll see Loki too is carried in front of them.
Why they want Mobius too though? To make sure he’ll stay put? To prune him as well because he’s being as suspicious as possible?
Mobius seems pleased he’ll finally met the Time-Keeper then oh so discreetly goes back on questioning Renslayer. On C-20 this time. Which obviously makes Renslayer even more suspicious.
She tries to deflect his question by pointing out how everything went well, the Time-Keepers are happy and yadda, yadda and Mobius insists again on wanting to know about C-20… because this was totally smooth and not suspicious at all.
And this is bad because this guy is the one who’s supposed to be at Loki’s same level if not above. If he’s so incompetent it reflects poorly on Loki too.
Yeah, he was very upset by C-20’s death so maybe this is messing him up but still he couldn’t be more obvious, insisting over and over when Renslayer clearly doesn’t want to tell him more. What does he expect, her to admit she lied? She’s not a Variant he can torture, or keep there until he gets the answers he wants, she’s basically his boss.
Anyway Renslayer, probably due to her fondness for him, confirms her previous version and tells him if he’s not allowed to meet the Variant that’s because she’s protecting him from facing the horrible fate C-20 went through.
I think this requires a bit of appropriate singing from another movie:
Shhh.. Trust me Mobius, Ravonna, knows best. Ravonna knows best. Listen to your Ravonna. She's a scary Variant that Sylvie. Ravonna knows best. One way or another. Something will go wrong, I swear. Stabbing, kicking, poison, punching. Stealing, and humiliating, the lies. Also large sword, a woman with pointy teeth. And stop, no more, you'll just upset me. Ravonna's right here. Ravonna will protect you. Darling here's what I suggest. Skip the drama, stay with Ravonna. RAVONNA!! Knows best! Ravonna knows best. Take it from your Ravonna. On your own, you won't survive. Sloppy underdressed, immature, clumsy, Please, they'll eat you up, alive. Gullible, nave, positively grubby. Ditzy and a bit, well, hmm vague. Plus I believe, getting kinda chubby. I'm just saying, 'Cause I wuv you. Ravonna understands, Ravonnas here to help you. All I have is one request. (singing ends) Mobius? Don't ever ask to see the Variant, again.
Evidently Mother Gothel… pardon Renslayer’s performance doesn’t fully win Mobius over.
Mobius: Yeah, if it's the truth.
Intelligence? Or, like with Loki he has already decided with answer he needs to get?
Renslayer now tries to distract him blaming everything on the time Mobius spent with the Lokis, implying that because they lie he came up to think she would lie too and then she gives him an inspirational speech about how their work matter and how they’re special friends.
Renslayer: When we're out there fighting for the fate of the Sacred Timeline we're also fighting for this. For us. Friends against time, allies to the end. You've seen all of existence, same as me. So, you know, friendship like ours is uncommon. And worth fighting for. Same as the Sacred Timeline.
So Mobius has friends.
Or at least he has Renslayer.
Does he plan to close her too in a timeloop for lying to him? Or, since she was used to always humour him (this is apparently the first time she told him ‘no’) he expected Loki too had to play on his tune, especially considering Loki isn’t his boss, and got upset when Loki showed a mind of his own?
Or is Renslayer who taught him who disappoint gets closed in a timeloop where he’s punched and insulted by doing this to Mobius?
I’d like to know.
Whatever, this speech persuaded Mobius so much he distract Renslayer suggesting to find a place for her new trophy only to swap the Tempads behind her back… and then oh so discreetly try to run away because this wouldn’t be suspicious at all.
Smooth, Mobius, smooth.
 Okay, so B-15 took Sylvie to the Roxxcart apocalypse since now she knows the TVA can’t detect changes if they happen in an apocalypse.
Sylvie thinks she wants a fight but B-15 is instead tormented by what Sylvie had shown her when she possessed her.
Now, everyone, let’s refresh our memory on how enchantment works.
Sylvie: It depends on the mind. Most are easy and I can overtake them instantly. Others, the stronger ones, it gets tricky. I'm in control, but they're there, too. In order to preserve the connection, I have to create a fantasy from their memories.
B-15 was overtaken very easily with Sylvie fully in control of her as she moved her like a puppet and had her say what she wanted. So why in the world she needed to show her a memory? We saw how things worked with C-20, she used the memory to answer in kind to her questions believing she was with a friend. What she did to B-15 to make her move and say what she wanted, did she had a memory in which she was an actress and Sylvie read her the script?
I’ve no words, they gave the rule 1 episode ago, don’t they remember them anymore?
So anyway Sylvie tells B-15 the truth and B-15, the one who believes talking to Variant is a mistake and they should all be pruned as they’re cosmic mistakes immediately swallows what the Variant who’d been killing TVA agents non-stop tells her and volunteers to let herself be possessed again.
Because this wouldn’t be dangerous at all, I mean, surely Sylvie who has a grudge against the TVA and has been killing TVA agents won’t lie to her and wouldn’t just possess her to steal her tempad and escape leaving her to die in the apocalypse.
Yeah, surely because Sylvie, instead than possessing her, does as she request and shows her those memories and B-15 can be sure they’re true and not a trick because… she too read the script and know they’re true.
So B-15, who had been pruning, abusing and belittling other Variants like her, once knowing she’s a Variant says:
Hunter B-15: I looked happy.
With tears in her voice. Okay, so she also sides with Sylvie but… don’t take me wrong, different people react differently but let’s look for a moment B-15’s reaction at discovering she’s a Variant, a cosmic mistake.
B-15 was the one who hated Variants the most… but knowing she was one all she cares was she looked happy. What’s her problem she was miserable at the TVA? I didn’t notice. She just accepted she’s a Variant so easily… everyone else, even people who didn’t hate Variants will have more problems with it. C-20 was in shock, Mobius goes in denial, Loki basically went mad with grief when he discovered he was a Frost Giant.
B-15 mourns that she was happy and then asks for instructions to Sylvie.
I wonder if she’s the sort of person who can’t think on her own. She did what the TVA propaganda said because she never stopped to think about it, she got an easy to posses mind, and now she’s willing to do what Sylvie says because she can’t think at it on her own.
To be honest… although I feel what the TVA did to the people working there was pretty disgusting, I find hard on an intellectual level to empathize with someone who had been enjoying pruning and abusing Variants and now that she has discovered she’s one she doesn’t regret what she did to the others like her but mourn her old happiness.
Anyway I compliment Wunmi Mosaku for this scene. I’m not persuaded by how they decided she would just swallow she’s a Variant so easily, but still she played well the part.
Empathically, to see another being so grief stricken, causes me to react emotionally, even though logically I feel I shouldn’t care because they didn’t give me reasons to feel sorry for someone who was so happy to be an abuser and doesn’t regret having been one, she still managed to make me feel sorry for her character because her sadness was emotionally involving.
Really, good job, and good job to Kate Herron who played that scene well.
We switch to Mobius who hides among bookshelves to check Renslayer’s tempad.
I love the visual here, how it seems we’re pecking on Mobius by a hole but whatever, might be just me.
Renslayer’s tempad confirms C-20 died so Mobius is about to close it when he decides to check the classified report of the mission on Renslayer’s tempad. Renslayer conveniently recorded C-20 saying:
Hunter C-20: You're not hearing me. I was there. This was real, what I saw. This is a place that I've been. This wasn't the TVA. This was a memory. I lived down there. I went to that bar. I had friends. I had a whole life on the Sacred Timeline.
Interrogator: Calm down.
Hunter C-20: "Calm down"? I'm a Variant. So are you. So is every single person in this place. I'm ending this.
So yeah, Mobius, Loki didn’t lie to you, you moron, that excuse was way too dumb to be a lie.
Also C-20 never went mad as Renslayer said. Because it was Renslayer who lied to you, Mobius. Because in the real world people are awful to get what we want and maybe you should take lessons from a prince.
Just as to remark Renslayer knew this and not just because it’s on her tempad, she also appear on the screen, proof she was listening. To do what I don’t know.
We go back to Loki who’s just being beaten by Sif again because Mobius, his friend, couldn’t let him sit on a chair while he checked if Loki told him the truth. We also see how all this beating isn’t really breaking Loki.
Although he has previously apologized to Sif and accepted his fault, now he’s just annoyed he has to hear her saying such things over and over and beating him.
Because beating people doesn’t make them better.
On another side, since Loki knew what he had to tell to Sif to make her stop I wonder why he didn’t repeat it… or why he didn’t try to think of a plan. Whatever.
Mobius drops there with the dumbest question of the year:
Mobius: What are you doing?
Loki has a sarcastic reply for his idiotic question:
Loki: Passing the time.
No, really, Mobius trapped him there, what was he thinking Loki was doing, playing poker with Sif?
So now is Mobius’ time for another dumb question:
Mobius: Do you care about her?
I mean, after you called her his female self that he, a seismic narcissist, have some demented crush on, of course Loki wants to open his heart to you. Who wouldn’t?
Mobius tells him to shut up and then asks if he really think you deserve to be alone… as if this was Loki’s idea and not something Mobius’ tried to brainwash him into believing. Loki doesn’t reply which upset Mobius as when Mobius says ‘jump’ Loki should only say ‘how high?’, so Loki point out how MOBIUS TOLD HIM TO SHUT UP. Because Mobius is not making any sense and Loki needs to lampshade this.
Mobius asks him if he thinks he deserves to be alone.
Loki replies he doesn’t know which means his pretty words to Sif were all pretty words. He didn’t believe them, not fully. Thanks God.
So now the conversation starts to get surreal.
Mobius: You better figure it out quick, because the nexus event the two of you caused, whatever that connection is, can bring this whole place down.
Okay, I’m not following this, after belittling Loki’s relation with Sylvie now he’s trying to tell him he has to get together with her for the sake of bringing down the TVA? That’s why Loki has to get with Sylvie? Why he doesn’t have to believe he deserves to be alone? So now Loki’s crush is no more demented but a key to throw down the TVA?
What was sticking him with Sif then, an attempt at manipulating him into not getting in relationship with other Lokis? So Mobius knew already he and Sylvie had a crush on each other? Because it looked like he stuck Loki with Sif PRIOR to knowing it.
I’m lost but whatever, Mobius decide THEY have to do something so Loki remarks on the use of plural.
Mobius asks him to swear Sylvie didn’t implant whose memories in C-20.
It’s a dumb question as not only Loki could lie but Sylvie could have lied to him and anyway Renslayer lied so it’s not like she’s safe to trust either.
Loki vouches for Sylvie and Mobius asks:
Mobius: So, I just have to trust the word of two Lokis?
No, please, Mobius, don’t. You’ve wasted everyone’s time questioning Loki when you don’t believe him. Really, I don’t get why you wanted to use someone you don’t trust. What did you come there for if you can’t believe him?
At this Loki, who’s at first hurt, replies:
Loki: How about the word of a friend?
And okay, it has to be Stockholm Syndrome talking. That or masochism. Because friends don’t close you in a timeloop in which you get beaten and humiliated for all that time so really Loki, don’t be Mobius’ friend.
So now Mobius admits Loki was right about the TVA from the beginning, which was damn time and would have realized it sooner had he spared 5 minutes of his time on this and tells him if Loki wants to save Sylvie he has to trust him. Because Mobius never lied and manipulated him, no, really. You’re lucky Loki has Stockholm Syndrome so of course he’ll trust you.
So Mobius goes:
Mobius: Okay. You could be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean, just in case anyone ever told you different.
Yeah, someone did. Should I refresh you, your memory Mobius?
Mobius: You weren't born to be king, Loki. You were born to cause pain and suffering and death. That's how it is, that's how it was, that's how it will be. All so that others can achieve their best versions of themselves.
Or maybe you prefer this, which includes Sylvie too?
Mobius: You two, what a pair! Gosh! Unbelievable. Wherever you go, it's just death, destruction, the literal ends of worlds.
I mean, if this is Mobius’ way to apologize for all the things it tossed at Loki, it honestly sucks, and it gets worse because he’s merely doing because he needs him to cooperate with him because, guess what? As Loki told him from the start the TVA sucks and had been lying to him and he just didn’t want to see and has exchanged his own belief in the TVA for ‘truth’.
I mean, he’s probably being as sincere as he can be, as we know he has wondered if Loki could be good, but he has been so manipulative with Loki up until now that really, him saying Loki this when he needs Loki to trust him, only feels like him being manipulative.
Are we sure Mobius isn’t another Loki variant, one Renslayer wanted to keep as her pet?
Still I think Loki understood this was Mobius’ way to apologize as he smiles and follows him.
The moment they leave the Timeloop they find themselves face to face with Renslayer and four hunters.
And here it’s where the writer forgot Mobius too is supposed to be smart. For start because it didn’t dawn on him to remove Loki’s collar from him, to continue because when Renslayer points out she has something of hers he returns the Tempad, their only way to leave the place, to her.
I can explain this merely by going under the idea that Mobius still think that the fact they’re friends would push Renslayer to cover up for him, which clearly means he doesn’t know/understand her as much as he thinks.
Mbatha-Raw:
“She’s really worked hard to get where she is, so she’s not going to be reckless with the power that has been hard-earned for her. She, in some ways, is deeply indoctrinated with the ways of the TVA. She’s completely conditioned by their thinking and the idea of the Sacred Timeline, and the concept of free will is quite alien to her. She’s a believer. She believes in law and order, and it’s done quite well for her so far in terms of getting her to where she is. She’s not going to abandon her philosophy lightly.”
[‘Loki’: Owen Wilson Says Renslayer’s Betrayal of Mobius in Episode 4 Was ‘Pretty Shocking’
]
And in a way the situation we’re facing is really funny because Mobius believes Renslayer betrayed him… but she believes he’s the one who betrayed her. And this in a way mirrors Mobius’ relation with Loki.
To Renslayer Mobius had no right to doubt her, to question her decisions, to doubt the TVA even if the TVA is lying and she knows it. To her, Mobius is the dog who peed on the carpet.
Mobius instead somehow believed to be an equal friend, to whom she owed the truth, so he’s hurt by her acting as if he was just her disobedient dog.
She lied to him, manipulated him, demanded from him to be a loyal TVA supporter who only seek for her approbation and when he goes and doesn’t do this, she punishes him by pruning him. She doesn’t even try to beat him into submission again, she just get rid of him because her faith in her cult is more important than their ‘friendship’.
She’s a real Nazi in a way.
But the irony is that Mobius was the same with Loki and now he experiences what it means to be on the other side.
His emotional speech:
Mobius: What's the problem, Ravonna? You know where I'd go if I could go anywhere? Wherever it is I'm really from. Yeah, wherever I had a life before the TVA came along. Maybe I had a jet ski. That's what I'd like to do. Just riding around on my jet ski.
…it changes nothing in Renslayer’s mind, she’s like him, she doesn’t want the truth, the honesty, she wants submission but she’s not even going to waste time to work him into submission again. She probably plans to replace him with another Mobius Variant who’ll be more obedient this time.
Note that pruning him hurts her… but she has it done anyway, the way Mobius had oh so many branches pruned. Because that’s what they did at the TVA.
It’s a damn case of “‘I never thought leopards would eat MY face,' sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party”.
Mobius never thought he would be the one ending up pruned, being a Variant and ending up pruned was other people’s problem, Loki’s problem, not Mobius’, Mobius was one of the good guys, he was created by the TVA so such things wouldn’t happen to him.
Now… this is the same problem I had with B-15.
We are supposed to feel sorry for Mobius and I probably would feel very sorry for him if he hadn’t been a complete asshole to Loki up till 5 minutes ago. I get maybe they were aiming to take advantage of Owen Wilson’s fans, who loved Mobius no matter what they do or to how Loki and Renslayer still mourn him because Stockholm syndrome pushes you to do this and your pet dog is always your pet dog even if you decide to shoot him down because, to you, he’s rabid but all I felt was that Mobius had got what he deserved, what he did to Loki was done to him.
And this is a goddamn shame because I would have been a lot sadder if Mobius hadn’t act in such a way in this episode.
I mean, yes, in episode 1 & 2 he was still manipulative but he had genuine moments in which he was sympathetic and didn’t want to gratuitously hurt people.
Mobius: What are you doing? Hey! These people are scared.
Hunter D-90: They're about to die. They should be scared.
Mobius: Okay. Not of us.
I love this scene because he just stood up for those people even if he had nothing to gain, just because he didn’t want the TVA to scare them even if they were about to die and would have been rest if they weren’t to die. This wasn’t manipulation, this was Mobius being a decent being and… and this episode just tossed it away.
His whole interrogation scene with Loki, from the moment he just had him beaten and belittled to ‘soften him’ to how he ends by having him beaten and belittled again even though the case is closed is nonsense and disgusting. That’s not what a decent human being would do.
On a positive note Mbatha-Raw is very good in the scene. It’s clear a part of her is suffering, yet another remains hard. She turns her face away because she can’t watch when Mobius is pruned, even the way she squeezed her eyes shut and then relaxed them but kept them closed is a nice detail and so is the way she looks at Loki, still hurt by Mobius’ disappearance but firm, how she takes long breaths after saying they’ve to wait for her, how she first looks down, as if ashamed then up, as if to ask the moral support of her gods or whatever and then closes her eyes and mouth as if to swallow it all and go on.
She’s good.
Mind you, I loved how Owen Wilson gave his speech and I love Tom Hiddleston’s reacting to him being pruned which interestingly opposes to Mbatha-Raw’s as he keeps his eyes wide open and he tries to reach for him where she instead close them and kind of tries to ‘hold away’ from him, her body posture close where Tom Hiddleston’s is open and then he closes his eyes, calm down and straighten up before facing her in a ‘it was your doing’ way. He let himself be carried away but he turns to look at her so as to keep eye contact with her and she’s the one who has to lower her gaze.
Now, I personally wish Loki wouldn’t mourn Mobius because really, Mobius wasn’t good to him, but since he’s supposed to do it, I can only say Tom Hiddleston’s performance here is good as well.
Very fitting also the background music, especially when Loki is escorted through the corridor and now he seems to be worn out as he waves a little as he walks and then… he stops, and I’m not sure if there’s a reason or he just waves a little for the sake of him being emotionally hurt and the guards have to steady him and then force him to resume walking. In itself that pause was good to animate a walking scene who otherwise would have been pretty boring… but I don’t know if there’s a reason for it beyond that. But well, Loki had been beaten up till now so maybe he has a right at also being physically worn out.
So anyway Renslayer go to see Sylvie and as soon as she does she claims someone was there with her and wants to know who. Well, I guess the fact Sylvie is soaked was a dead giveaway so really, they should have found her a hairdryer before sending her back there. Besides why not to get inside the Roxxcart where it’s dry, instead than outside?
I get that outside, under the rain, the scene came a lot more dramatic and so technically better but logic is king of important as well. Giving away that Sylvie was taken outside to chat, as Sylvie has no bruises on herself, is dumb. I mean, had B-15 given her a black eye they could have at least pass if for B-15 taking her revenge on her but like this… it’s so dumb…
In fact as soon as Renslayer discovers it was B-15, she decides she too had been compromised and people has to search for her. Not that it matters as they won’t find her. After all she has a Tempad and has learnt she can hide in apocalypses.
Sylvie smiles at her smugly because she is enjoying seeing Renslayer under pressure and how could she not? It was Renslayer who captured her.
Sylvie is then taken away but this time only by two guards because they’ve decided giving her more when the last time she managed to punch one is useless. No, actually Renslayer might have figured if Sylvie has remained in her ‘theater’ (yeah, she and Loki were put into rooms called ‘time theaters’) instead than escaping with B-15, she’s willing to let herself be dragged to meet the Time-Keepers.
Or not, the plot had the characters act in dumb or irrational ways way too often so I don’t know.
Sylvie is anyway taken in front of the same door in front of which Loki is waiting. I love how she whispers to him an ‘You okay?’ even if I would prefer it wasn’t because she’s also crushing on him but because she was touched by how he gave her appreciation and validation. Loki nods once, deeply, but doesn’t verbally replies which is kind of worrisome per se.
Renslayer says she’ll handle things from there and open the door of the golden elevator with her ‘electronic key’ meaning when Sylvie got there the first time, as she was without key, she wouldn’t have been able to do anything. Loki and Sylvie follow Renslayer while the guards remain behind.
Sylvie asks Renslayer is she remembers her and when she answers affirmatively, always calling her Variant, she asks her which was her Nexus event. To Renslayer who asks her what does it matter she replies:
Sylvie: It was enough to take my life from me, lead to all of this. Must have been important. So, what was it?
I feel bad for Sylvie because maybe she doesn’t remember Miss Minute’s video (by the way did Miss Minute had a reason to exist or we’re meant to forget about her?) in which they said to create a Nexus even it’s enough to be late for work. Maybe Sylvie wasn’t meant to be there to play but should have been in the Vault with Thor and Odin learning about how glorious was Asgard for having beaten the Frost Giants. Maybe she was just meant to play ball instead than dolls but in short, what destroyed her life didn’t have to be important because that’s the kind of jerks the TVA is.
They punish someone for doing something completely innocent without having any idea it was the ‘wrong’ thing, ‘wrong’ being a matter of perspective because I bet they pruned all the Lokis who didn’t sent the Frost Giants in the Vault or didn’t try to kill Thor or didn’t attack New York because THOSE WERE THINGS MEANT TO HAPPEN.
The TVA is not about morality, I wonder if it’s about the entertainment of the Time-Keepers.
Anyway Renslayer smirks and then tells Sylvie she doesn’t remember. Honestly I doubt she doesn’t remember and even if she did, she could have made up something but she just prefers to hurt Sylvie by implying her Nexus event was so unimportant it wasn’t even worth remembering.
The door open and they are in a bluish, foggy place. There are two guards giving them their back and two instead facing them and, in front of them there are the three space lizards known as the Time-Keepers. Hum… the impression I get is that the place is foggy because it’s freezing cold since there are white bits that seem ice but… I’m not sure as nobody seems to be feeling cold.
Renslayer announces to the Time-Keeper she had brought them the Variants.
Now I was thinking it was poor effects, as the space lizard talk in a mechanical way and are so still they seem robot and even when their face move as they speak they seem mechanical… but no, it’ll turn out they’re robot. Whatever, I’m running ahead.
The lizards ask them what they have to say before being killed.
Okay, so Loki says and I quote:
Loki: Is that the only reason you brought us here? To kill us? I've lost track of the number of times I've been killed, so go ahead. Do your worst.
And I am WAIT, YOU’VE BEEN KILLED BEFORE? EVEN IF YOU’RE STILL UNDER THE WRONG BELIEF THOR TOSSED YOU INTO AN ABYSS, WHICH HE DIDN’T AS HE WANTED TO SAVE YOU AND YOU LET GO DUE TO ODIN’S HIGHLY MOTIVATIONAL WORDS (really, Odin should write demotivational posters quote along with Mobius) THAT COUNTS ONLY AS ONE. YOU DIDN’T DIE IN “THE AVENGERS”. CAN WE HOPE THIS MEANS WE’LL BE REVEALED WHAT HAPPENED IN THE YEAR IN BETWEEN “THOR” AND “THE AVENGERS”? OR IT’S JUST TO BE MEANT RANDOM BABBLING? PLEASE, LET ME KNOW!
Anyway okay, back to normal.
The Time-keepers tell them they’re no threat to them and Sylvie counters she believes they’re scared. She tries to get closer but Renslayer uses the Time Twister so she can’t.
The Time-Keepers complains they’re just a ‘cosmic disappointment’ why I’ve no idea as it’s not like they created the Variants so the Variants aren’t supposed to please them, and tell to delete them.
Sylvie tries to protest she’s not done with them but Renslayer tries to use the Time Twister and only manages to stop her because B-15 all of sudden comes to rescue because the TVA did a horrible job at tracking her apparently. B-15 disables Loki and Sylvie’s collars, then she mockingly repeats the TVA motto ‘For all time. Always’, before handing Sylvie her sword that originally had been put as a trophy in Renslayer’s office.
The two guards behind immediately knock down B-15 who didn’t even bother bring her weapon or, if she had, didn’t pull it out. Renslayer orders to the four guards to protect the Time-Keepers, so now it’s Renslayers and 4 guards against Loki and Sylvie. Renslayer decides not to fight, to be honest because the guards evidently had been given a better version of the Supersoldier serum and can comfortably stand against Loki and Sylvie with no problems whatsoever.
Really, if I don’t get an explanation on why human Variants are all of sudden strong enough they can stand against Loki I’ll think those guys have never seen “The Avengers”.
In fact the 2 guards fighting Loki are about to overpower Loki who asks for Sylvie’s help as she’s holding against her 2 guards just fine and she hands him her sword. Meanwhile, despite being weaponless, Sylvie… kicks to unconsciousness? Is that what she did? a guard, steals his weapon and instead than prune his companion with it, she stabs her. Because, you know, this is cooler and rule of cool always win.
All while Renslayer watches because whoever rules at the TVA has never read the ‘Evil Overlord list’ rule 75 “I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.”
Actually there’s a huge list of rules the TVA ignored but this is the most important at the moment.
Anyway while the camera ignores Loki fighting with two guards in the background, we’re supposed to focus on Sylvie and Renslayer. Sylvie gives Renslayer a sporting chance letting her pick up a weapon. No idea why, really. Who cares about sport when you’re there to kill the Time-Keepers?
Besides, who cares about Loki? This is Sylvie’s moment to look cool.
Anyway Renslayer tells her this time she’ll finish the job, they fight, she ends on the ground, manages to turn their positions and punches Renslayer into unconsciousness, just in time for Loki to finish killing his guards. Why she didn’t kill Renslayer? Because the plot needs Renslayer to make troubles afterward so Sylvie, despite having a weapon and having used it to kill a guard, only punches Renslayer, which she should hate as much as the Time-Keepers, into unconsciousness.
Let me facepalm, please.
Now the Time-Keepers go:
Time-Keeper 1: You're a child of the Time-Keepers too, Sylvie. We can talk.
And okay, I’m not following this. Are they implying they created the Variants? Are they trying to pass themselves for Gods? Or it’s just Sylvie they created?
Sylvie tosses against one of the sword Loki gave her back, decapitating him. The Time-Keepers starts laughing as it turns out the Time-Keeper she decapitate was a robot.
I get “Wizard of Oz” feelings and I swear if it turn out this was created by an evil Loki Variant I’m gonna scream.
The Time-Keepers somehow deactivates, not sure if someone did it, or it was Sylvie pointing a weapon at them.
Sylvie picks up the head and, seeing it’s a robotic one and never having heard of Ultron and Vision, decides since they had robotic head they’re fake, mindless androids. Which yes, they have to be because we’re missing 2 episodes and they were beaten too easily but she’s not supposed to be aware of the episode count.
Whatever, Loki decides, I think, this would probably be a good moment to declare his love only they forget Renslayer is alive and she prunes Loki in front of Sylvie. At this point Renslayer forgets her warrior skills and Sylvie easily rips her weapon from her but, instead than pruning Renslayer as she asks, she informs her she’ll tell her everything. Meaning she will use her powers to force Renslayer to be cooperative.
The episode apparently ends, with the ending credit replaced by a love song, “If you love me” by Brenda Lee. Just in case you didn’t get Loki was about to make a Love confession.
When the ending… well, ends though, we see Loki opening his eyes and wondering if he’s dead and in Hel.
He’s told:
“Not yet. But you will be unless you come with us.”
As he looks up he sees four version of himself, a child, an old man, a POC and an alligator.
I can’t help but point out the costume the old Loki is wearing, despite being based on the one old Loki wears in the comics somehow feels like a poor cosplay.
Behind them the ruins of a city which, I bet, is New York. I wonder if they’re in an apocalypse created by the attack of New York succeeding.
And so the episode ends.
Now… this episode is, plotwise, better than the previous, as the previous was basically an excuse to get Loki and Sylvie to spend time together so as for them to fall in love. Oh and the revelation everyone in the TVA is a variant but really, Sylvie could have told Loki that in Ep 2 and we wouldn’t have missed anything big.
This one episode as, instead, a plot… but there are some things that just don’t add up and felt tossed there at random. I mostly mourn how the ruined Mobius’ character because this episode seriously damaged the sympathy I had for him, with that useless decision to have Loki belittled and beaten for… fundamentally nothing since he doesn’t believe him. Then he further insults him for falling for Sylvie before he decides to switch sides and no, Loki shouldn’t believe all the cruel things he told him because… hum… they weren’t true because Mobius is his friend. Not like how he said he was before, this time he’s really his friend the fact he needs him doesn’t matter, he’s not like Loki who uses people he’s one of the good guys of the TVA, you know, the ones who belittle and prune Variants unaware they’re Variants too.
Okay, I’m still very salty on this bit but I just didn’t enjoy the useless abuse of Loki.
It wasn’t funny, it had no purpose and it also ruined Mobius as a character.
It even impacted negatively on Sif which was fundamentally used to beat Loki up over and over when she already had, just for Mobius’ purposes, whatever they were.
Honestly I’m sick and tired of Marvel thinking that abusing of someone is a funny joke, especially if the one doing the beating is a girl.
The only thing it serves was to remark Sif had no love for Loki, which everyone seeing the movie could have guessed already.
Another thing I didn’t quite enjoy was how this is turning into Sylvie’s story. Is the purpose of this series pass the Loki baton to Sylvie?
We have the guards of the TVA being as strong as supersoldiers so far without explanation whatsoever, with Loki, who, in Asgard was trained to fight, in “Thor” could hold his ground against Frost Giants and even fight with Thor and who, in “The Avengers” gets punched by Cap and merely turns his face before he hits Cap with the sceptre and sent him flying and this not with magical powers but merely with his strength. And he does so TWICE, completely able to avoid Caps’ blows. Caps kicks him in the face and Loki remains standing and tosses him on the ground again.
Loki lets himself be arrested because:
a) Iron Man joins and he manages to send him on the ground by shooting at him and
b) because this was part of the plan.
Coulson shot him with a super powerful weapon and still Loki got up and left the Helicarrier on his feet. When Thor tried to hit Loki with his hammer, Loki could stop the blow by having it hit his sceptre without him even wavering on his feet.
And then okay, this Loki hadn’t lived through them but in “Thor: The Dark World” he could hold his ground against elves while in “Thor: Ragnarok” against Hela’s undead Asgardian soldiers.
And now we’ve those Variants of humans who can give him problems? Sylvie even gives him his weapon!
And all this while Sylvie, who had to learn to fight on her own, can hold her ground weaponless against two of them and save time to fight and beat Renslayer too?
Whatever, let’s hope we’ll get an explanation.
And then there’s the romance between Sylvie and Loki, which is useless or the whole idea Sylvie is Loki and all those other guys plus the alligator are Loki and I’d like to know what decides they’re Loki variants since they’re clearly genetically different from him… never mention one of them managed to get old when Loki supposedly died ‘young’ in the sacred timeline so what? The truth is he didn’t die in “Avengers: Infinity War” and grew old?
And why genetically different Variants of Loki were allowed to exist? How come this didn’t cause a Nexus event?
But whatever, let’s put aside my complains about the plot holes or the messed characterization and the nonsense dialogues and talk of the good stuff, like the acting or the director’s job or the music which really fit some scenes. There’s some really good stuff here.
And well, let’s mention the plot is not all to waste.
There were some good ideas in this.
To have the TVA agents discover they’re also Variants like the people they discriminated and pruned could have been great, I mean, one of the best scenes of “Thor” is Loki discovering he’s a Frost Giant so this could have been SO VERY COOL.
The Lokis forming a bond also had potential as idea on paper. If they were the same this could have pushed them to learn to appreciate themselves, if they were different, this could have pushed them to appreciate others. They didn’t need the romantic story and the idea they’re the same only they’re completely different so the fact they’re the same seems an idiocy.
Really, from a series who give space to a lot of female characters, who don’t just talk among them about men but about plot related issues, I don’t see why we need to pair together the two Lokis.
Mobius being Loki’s friend could have been great if he had acted as such and not as an abusive pet owner whose dog has peed on the carpet. But whatever, it could have been great to have Renslayer do the same to him, if this were to be acknowledged, if it were to be acknowledged how they both are poor friends.
Also Mobius’ death could have been a lot more moving if they hadn’t ruined him in this very same episode.
Seeing Sif again and learning of Loki’s past mischief? Could have been great if it wasn’t used for what turned into a torture scene or ‘police brutality’ who however wasn’t meant to be seen as bad as it was because it’s a woman who beat Loki.
Even the police brutality or the fascist agency could have been great plot point if it wasn’t they’re barely brushed over.
Loki reflecting on his behaviour could have been good if it wasn’t inserted into what was basically a torture scene.
Little Sylvie’s backstory could have been awesome if it had been realist, if this little escaping child had had knowledge of a Tempad and had had someone to help her.
I mean, there are some genuine good things in this plot… but then they got ruined by poor planning or poor explanation or abrupt character OOC.
It’s a pity.
We’ll see if episode 5 will redeem himself.
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luvspence · 3 years
Text
prom night
synopsis: you and spence both never got your own prom, maybe this makes up for it
{a/n: i’m projecting a little bit bc i missed my prom, but i hope this isn’t too cheesy}
——-
the east coast was your home
born and raised in dc, school in new york, work in virginia
you wouldn’t have it any different
except for the fact that you lived less than 20 mins outside your childhood home
you loved being able to be close to your family, but it had its downsides
“y/n can you pick up your brother
y/n can you run to the store for me
y/n can you pick up my dry cleaning”
and it was like you were in high school all over again
on one occasion you were at home with your mom and your baby sister, delaney, she was 17, so not much of a baby anymore
“so what’s the hot gos” you said taking a bite out of your gronola bar and looking your sister down
“ew”
“dont ‘ew’ me”
“well i got asked to the prom yesterday”
your mom nearly dropped her pan
“NO WAY”
“yes way, is it so hard to believe that someone would like me? i’m not y/n for crying out loud”
you gave her a light punch on the arm
“NOT FUNNY”
she wasn’t far from wrong though, you were the classic “nerd”
15 years ago when you were in her place, at the exact same high school, you were never asked to prom, you were too busy in math olympiad or physics club to ever want to attend prom
but that was 15 years ago, now you lost the braces and the acne, got 2 degrees, and had a very lovely boyfriend of your own
“it is though, you’re lucky you found spencer, two dorks made for each other” she said taking a sip of her water
“you’re such a bitch”
15 year age gap aside, you were still very much, sisters
“y/n, do you mind chaperoning? that way we don’t have to pay for a ticket” your mom asked
your sister blurted out “oh my god NO”
you were laughing so hard, usually this is the kind of thing you’d pass on, but it torturing your sister was so so so worth it
“okay i’m game, see you prom night”
——
“spencerrrrrrr” you trailed on as you sat next to spencer on the couch, staring deep into his hazel eyes
“yes my love?”
“do you love meeeeeeee???”
spencer rolled his eyes, he knew this is how you asked him for a favors
“to the moon and back, why??????”
“okay look, my baby sister, delaney, is going to the prom and i’m chaperoning her, and she called me and you dorks so we have to get back at her by embarrassing the hell out of her at her prom”
spencer laughed
“you’re no better than a petty 17 year old”
you rolled your eyes “so can we?”
he looked at you, than his eyes trailed from the calendar to his watch to you again
“of course”
“yes!” you gave him a hug and planted a kiss on his cheek
“i love you so bad spencer reid!” you said as you ran around the apartment
“even more!” he replied
“incoming call from spencer reid”
“hey y/n?”
“yes love?”
“what color dress are you wearing tonight?”
“green, why?”
“no reason...”
he said before he hung up
you laughed to yourself “what a dork”
you continued to brush the mascara on your eyes, getting ready for your very first prom night
you came running down the stairs in a dark green ankle length dress, while spencer waited to pick you up
he was wearing a suit with a matching bow tie to your dress
“that’s why you asked the color! you look dashing by the by”
you said as you leaned over and gave him a cheek staining kiss
“and this” he said as he handed you a beautiful green corsage arrangement
“spencer! for me? this is gorgeous”
you said as you slipped it onto your wrist
“yeah, penelope knows a guy”
“of course she does, and thank you! i can’t believe you’d go through all of this for me on fake prom” you said as he started driving toward your parents house
“hey this prom is not fake at all to me, i’ve never been to prom before”
you shrugged “me neither, i always thought it was dumb anyway”
“this is sort of embarrassing” spencer said scratching his head
“come on spencer it’s just me”
“okay, you know i went to highschool very young, i hadn’t even gone through puberty. i was the smallest guy in the class and that wasn’t purely based on my age. i was scrawny. but i had this grand idea of going to prom with the most beautiful girl. and i’d be all tal and handsome at that point, and i’d walk into that dance and stick it to all my bullies”
“that not embarrassing! i wish i wanted to go to prom like that. i guess i was too pretentious to go, i was an all star intellectual, there was no way i’d show my face at an event like prom”
“yeah, so i guess we both get do overs. and i get to live my prom dream. now i’m tall, and i have a beatiful girl by my side” he said as he smiled at you
“have i ever told you i love you?”
“not enough” he smiled as he pulled into your parents drive way
you got out of your car to wait inside with your sister for her date to arrive
eventually a tall girl with a equally as beautiful corsage in her hand ended up nervously swaying on the front door and she rang the door bell
spencer answered
“hi!”
“h-hi, mr. y/l/n” she said in a nevrous tone
spencer laughed out loud and you went to intervene
“oh my yeah he’s just my boyfriend, hi i’m delaney’s older sister y/n. no need to be nervous, there’s no dad around here. just a lot of siblings, my mom and my boyfriend!” you said as you welcomed her into the house
delaney went to take the corsage from her date, melanie
your mom lined you spencer and your sister and melanie up for what felt like 800 pictures before you finally decided to get into spencers car to the dance
in the car you turned around to the girls
“sooooo, how’d y’all meet”
delaney burried her head into her knees in embarrassment while her date explained
“well she was in my physics class, and it all went from there”
“physics!!! i love physics, is mr. scott still there?”
“yup he’s our teacher”
“sick” you said to yourself, reminiscing about your days in high school
eventually you pulled into your highschool parking lot, hooking arms with spencer as you walked toward then gym
“god does this bring me back”
you said to him
your sister whispered to her date “god she’s so old”
“HEY DELANY I HEARD THAT”
she gave you the stink eye and whispered in your ear
“please get as far away from me as possible”
all you did was nod as you watched the two of them skip into their dance
you looked up at spencer
“god you’re so cute, i wish i had you here in high school”
“i’m sure you had your boys”
“from the physics club? right”
you walked into the fully decorated gym, wandering around from the punch bowl to the photo booth, you and spencer watching the floor of kids dance to their hearts content
“i think i know why i skipped this in highschool”
spencer laughed
“ i would have killed to be in this very position when i was in high school”
you wrapped your arms around his neck and looked him in the eyes
“killed to be in prom in the first place or to be here with me?”
“with your of course”
he said as he met your lips for a kiss
obviously bringing spencer was a bad idea for your sabotage delany plan, because you got way too distracted with spencer by your side
you spent the entire night talking to him, dancing with him to the slow songs, taking funny pictures in the photo booth
high school stuff you guess
eventually when all the kids were slow dancing, you looked up at spencer
“wanna make a break for it?”
he didn’t know what that meant, but if it was with you he’d do it, so he just nodded and followed you outside
you buried your head into his shoulder as you walked around the campus you grew up on, pointing to the points of interest
you pointed to a big oak tree with seat like roots under it
“that’s where we used have physics club meetings”
then you pointed to a hidden patch behind all the bushes
“this is where i traded homework for money”
he just nodded as you told the stories of your high school experience
you pointed to some old looking railings with a tree standing view it
“that’s where i had my first kiss”
“HUH! i thought you said you got no boys, physics club and all”
“yeah you’re right” you said as you settled on one of the bleacher, overlooking the field and the night sky, spencer joining you
your fancy dress hitting the dirt of the baseball field, the cold april night making you shiver, and spencer putting his blazer coat over you
“you’re right, i didn’t get any boys in high school” you sighed as you cuddled into his arm
“my first kiss was with dylan watson, he was mr blue eyes blonde hair, baseball and perfect social status. and you know i was, braces glasses and physics”
he laughed as you continued to tell the story
“but yeah one day he slipped me a note, i figured he just wanted homework. but he said to meet him there after school. so i did, and he confessed tht he loved me, and wanted to be my boyfriend. and of course i said yes. and the he kissed me. it was the best moment of my life up until then. but as soon as he pulled away he yelled ‘you got that?’”
“oh no” spencer said, listening intently
“oh yes, his buddies had be filming, then they put me on plays all around the entire school, showing the video to everyone. so yeah, that’s why i never want to the prom. i guess it might have been bc i was a nerd, but also because i never wanted to show my face to those kids anymore” you said as you sighed
“you know, i had a similar experience where a pretty girl told me the same thing, but instead the entire school stripped me to my underwear and tied me to a pole. it was awful”
“oh my goodness that’s terrible” you said
“well i guess high school bullying makes great profilers?” yoy laughed
“maybe. i think it also develops character well i’m general too. and hey! you got your first kiss out of it”
“yeah, but high school was the worst, i wish i could tell my 17 year old self that it would get better”
“me too” he said
he said as he tucked his chin into your head and looked up at the stars, faint music echoing from the gym and the sound of your cold shakey breath
“y/n, i’m just glad we got to spend our prom night together”
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imperiuswrecked · 3 years
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To me, it doesn’t make sense to make Magneto the main villain because it has been done so much before and it would connect it so much to the Fox Films. Also I think there is a GREAT laziness in writing Magneto especially in films. He generally didn’t want to kill all humans, subjugate them yes because he doesn’t trust them. Which isn’t a ‘good guy’ move in itself and he slips in and out of.
He legit murdered genocide I think when he was going to kill all humans. Like no.
I also think that the average cinema goer likes Magneto too much… or maybe that is me. It would also require them to recast the most famous faces of the franchises?
Like is anyone going to care if they recast Jean, Scott, Iceman, Rogue, Kitty, Beast even Mystique but Magneto? I don’t know. I have long been a fan of an actual Jewish actor playing Magneto but following Ian McKellan would be difficult for the casual fans to accept. I don’t think Fassbender left such an amazing impression.
Even my most average MCU fans friends (and god they love the MCU 😤 but I see past it) still talk about how much they want to see a Magneto solo film.
To me I would put the focus on their reveal and sentinels. Then again I thought they’ll go through Krakoa stuff. Like it turns out the mutants have been living on this Island etc
With the ‘simpler times’ comment I have to for the sake of my sanity have to think that it was because Pietro knew where he was. Things were clear to him, as much as it hurt he had his sister. The following trauma had not occurred. Again I don’t think this is true but I am trying to reason bad writing. He didn’t doubt his morality but was indebted and controlled. Shitty actions were out of his control.
I don’t read Avengers so I didn’t know he was shelved for so long.
I think the Trial of Magneto is trying to ride on the coattails of Wandavision because even though she’s not a mutant a lot of the internet was wanting Magneto to show up. So what is the best way to get those fans who wanted to see that? Set up a family comic book where they establish the family again because I guess the MCU fans heard they’ve changed their background and themselves didn’t like it.
I see the Trial of Magneto as something poorly thought out as they saw what the audience was interested in. The timeline kind of clashes uncomfortably with Inferno. Which makes me think it was wedged in there to ride the Wandavision train and undo the retcon on the side of the main storyline.
Thank you for reading my essay/rant
Ok so I'm going to first say you have a lot of great thoughts and great on picking up the whole forced feeling. You are right, it does feel wedged in there and it does feel forced because that's exactly what Marvel did.
The Trial of Magneto was supposed to be an X-Factor plot, it was Leah Williams next arc, here's an article link talking about her podcast: link (yes I know it's bleeding cool but I don't have time to listen to the podcast)
Leah Williams tells us that X-Factor was canceled because Leah's pitch for the Magneto/Wanda story for X-Factor, now called Trial Of Magneto, became such a popular pitch at Marvel but they thought the reader numbers for X-Factor wasn't big enough for this story, so they wanted it as a separate comic. And canceled X-Factor #10 rather than seeing it run as originally planned, with the Trial beginning in X-Factor #15. Williams says she only learned about the cancellation of X-Factor when she was writing #9, so as she had to finish the series quickly, squeezing six issues worth of story into those last two issues, calling it "cramped and rushed".
So I'm not a fan of Leah but the way Marvel treats it's writers has always been terrible so this cancellation doesn't surprise me. Could this be about W*ndaVision? It's likely, but it's more likely this has to do with Hickman bowing out. It's no secret literally everyone hated the retcon and I always knew it would be undone but I didn't think it would take 6 years but here we are.
Hickman leaving is a bigger thing, he stated in an interview ( link ) that he had planned Krakoa and X-Men to be a 3 arc story, and he wasn't allowed to move onto the 2nd arc because the clowns at Marvel liked the idea of Krakoa too much and I'm so mad because that's exactly the kinda behavior that annoys me with the fans, them thinking Krakoa is just a fun playground for the mutants to mess around with.
"Oh, plans have changed entirely," Hickman says. "When I pitched the X-Men story I wanted to do, I pitched a very big, very broad, three-act, three-event narrative, the first of which was House of X. And while this loosely worked as a three-year plan, I told Marvel upfront that I honestly had no idea how long the first part would last because there were a lot of interesting ideas that I had seeded that other creators would want to play with, and so, we left this rather open-ended. I was also pretty clear with all the writers that came into the office what the initial, three-act plan was so no one would be surprised when it was time for the line to pivot." Hickman continues, "However, I also knew that I was cooking with dynamite, and it was very possible that what I had written in House of X, and the ideas contained within, was not actually the first act of a three-act story, but something that resonated more deeply and worked more like Giant-Size X-Men, where it would represent a paradigm shift in the entire X-Men line for a prolonged period of time. So, during the pandemic, when the time came for me to start pointing things toward writing the second-act event, I asked everyone if they were ready for me to do that, and to a man, everyone wanted to stay in the first act. It was really interesting, because I appreciated that House of X resonated with them to the extent that they didn't want it to end, but the reality was that I knew I would be leaving the line early."
I'm so MAD because the thing I was predicting, that Hickman would have it come crashing down and everything would be revealed to be terrible and Mutant Death Sex Cult Island wasn't a paradise is never going to happen because the fucking CLOWNS at Marvel don't want him to move past it. I may have my personal gripes about some of Hickman's writing but we can't deny the man wrote one of the best if only the best Marvel Event with Fantastic Four/Avengers/Secret War.
As for the simpler times comment, like I have my theories that I wrote out here, and that's what I think is most likely but I do think Pietro's life has never been easy or simple once his adoptive parents died. Pietro could be drinking to a time before the Brotherhood.
I would love for a Jewish actor to play Magneto and any other characters who are Jewish. I would love for a Jewish writer to be able to write them too. However Ian's performance literally set him in the minds of the people as Magneto, not even Fassbender's bleh one note Magneto could compare. Imo the only reason people liked the younger Magneto was because he was young, handsome (? ig idk i dont simp for him) and they could ship him with young professor X (cowards. where is the old man ship???) But I feel like a new actor could definitely fill the role if they are Jewish and the writing was good.
Magneto's writing in comics... well I just wish we could have a Jewish writer for him. There's some great stuff for him but I feel like characters like him and Doom could be written better by non white/american writers.
Although by today's standards the og X-Men trilogy doesn't hold up I will defend the first two movies with my life simply because after Blade these movies opened up the idea that a good serious, non campy version where characters called Magneto and Cyclops were taken seriously. X2 in my mind was the definitive X-Men movie. Was it totally comic accurate? No, but it doesn't do what the MCU does, it doesn't treat the watcher like they need to have their hand held through all the military propaganda and "hints to the comics". Also side note; the reason no one cared about any of the other X-Men being recast is because all through most of the X-Men movies the focal story point has been Professor X vs Magneto. If they really want people to care about those characters/actors then we would need stories that focused on them. Not like how Storm barely had any character growth or plot in the og X-Men and even young Ororo got mishandled by the script. This is why I feel we should have "origin movies" for the X-Men that don't do what Wolverine Origins did and try to make a whole new cast but instead should use the stories as they are. If it was Kurt's story then we would see him join the X-Men, and have the other actors revolve around that. Same with each of the others, the X-Men work best when they are working off each other and each given enough screen/page time to shine. Unfortunately we all have our favorites, even movies and writers, so those are who are going to be pushed for fans to love.
Thank you for your long rant and sorry for my own long rant/reply.
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testudoaubrei-blog · 3 years
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TL/DR - Catra is a uniquely complex and compelling character who has -so much going on- compared with most characters in any medium. Her character arc is psychologically astute, morally powerful and dramatically compelling, and it pushes the boundaries of the audiences sympathies in ways that are really groundbreaking for a kids show, and her arcs conclusion celebrates love, growth, and the power to change in a way that is all too rare in TV for grown ups.
Content note for mentions of suicidal ideation and self harm.
Well, now that the summary is out of the way, here’s a massive fucking dissertation on why Catra is such a great character.
This is the first of a series of posts outlining things that make She Ra a truly great show, one that stands out even 15 years into a golden age of TV animation for kids. This isn’t going to be a comprehensive account for why the show is great - the real answer is that this show has so many arcs and so many fully realized characters and they are all growing and changing in ways that interact with each other and complement each other so well. But I’m going to highlight some particular standouts, things that this show does better than anything else, things that made me step back and say ‘holy shit they did this in a show pitched at 10 year olds?!’
And so the first of these posts is about Catra. I’ve never seen a character in a kids TV show like Catra before. Depending on the season, she’s an anti-villain, an outright villain and an anti-hero and then, in the end, a hero. Being glib, I describe her in villain mode as a Saturday morning cartoon Supervillain as written by like, Dostoevsky. She’s got the trappings of classic villain camp - long speeches, sneering, over-complicated plans, she’s oddly ineffectual at times etc/ Yet all of this is underlaid and justified by something much deeper - her feelings of rejection, her desire to lash out at everyone around her, at her self-hatred and hatred of everyone and everything else (at least by Season 4. Good God.) And her actions are as dark as her motivations - she nearly destroys reality out of spite, betrays literally everyone who cares about her (often multiple times) and isolates herself so completely that in the season 4 finale she is a solitary, suicidal wreck of a person. Hell, in her last fight with Hordak, I was definitely rooting for Hordak (to say nothing of Glimmer, who is a pretty impressive antiheroine, like if Sparkles had just blasted her into glittery oblivion would we have held it against her?).
Let's start by discussing trauma. It comes up a lot with Catra for obvious and good reasons. But I almost feel like that word is insufficient for what's going on with Catra, or at least, we shouldn't stop with it (I know there are terms like complex trauma, but rather than simply using those I want to explain the difference between Catra’s consistent abuse and a single traumatic event). To use another example from a different show, Korra was also traumatized in season 4. But she was traumatized by a series of an events when she was a young adult. She had something horrible happen to her, and it fucked her up, and then she had exposure therapy with Zaheer and at least starts to get better. Catra...Catra is much more consistently abused. It's not just that shadow weaver traumatized her with the various acts of torture, but that Shadow Weaver taught Catra both an explicit worldview and a series of coping mechanisms that she struggles with through young adulthood. First, Shadow Weaver trained Catra to seek her approval. This is something she is particularly vulnerable to with Shadow Weaver, but also what she does with Hordak and to a extent Double Trouble. Catra's instinct when people mistreat her or show that they aren't trustworthy is to invest further in the relationship, until the breaking point. By contrast, when people treat her well Catra lashes out or takes them for granted. This is uh…a dymamic I am acquainted with among people who have been abused as kids, people whom I love. It is pretty rough.
She also developed a desire to prove herself. This starts off being tied to her drive for approval, but combined with her competitive streak (which is expressed in both healthy and unhealthy ways with Adora) it turns into a desire to beat Shadow Weaver and then Hordak at their own game.
At the same time, Catra learned by always being blamed for everything to evade and deny responsibility, no matter what. I think this form of self reassurance is tied to her self doubt (I think at some level she does think she is worthless) and her self hatred. It is also enabled by Adora’s martyr complex and willingness even act as Catra’s punching bag (as we see in the flashback in Corridors). This is a dynamic that actually repeats in an even worse fashion with Scorpia. Far from being arrogant, her constant evasions, put downs against others and preening speeches sound like the words of a woman who is trying to convince herself most of all. This tendency borders on narcissistic self delusion by season 3-4, which she begins recounting her version of events and possibly believing it even when it is obviously false, and everyone knows it.
When it comes to worldviews, Shadow Weaver taught Catra that love is about control and manipulation. We see this in seasons 1-3 where she congratulates herself for manipulating Adora when all she has done is take advantage of Adora's lingering love for her. Meanwhile, she’s learned that power is her only protection, and that the only way to stay on top is to abuse those beneath her.
The final kind of static tendency in Catra is her identity in the horde and her view of herself as one of the bad guys. This is something she rarely articulates but underlies much of her her decision to stay and not join Adora (at least at first). I think one thing to consider is that even if Catra never believed horde propaganda, it may have made her cynical and unwilling to imagine something better for herself or the world. Another factor is having struggled to belong in the horde for so long, she isn't going to give up now. At first this ties into her desire to win the approval of shadow weaver and Hordak, then it comes from her desire to prove herself better than them. Another factor is her self hatred. She sees herself as someone who hurts people, perhaps as a monster. She sees herself as a bad guy and so team evil is her side.
So yeah, our girl is kinda fucked up.
And yet Catra is never reduced to the sum of her traumas and bad habits. At every step of the way she is shown as a moral agent. She is shaped by shadow Weaver's abuse but she remains aware of and responsible for her actions. This is a double edged sword. She is fully responsible for her actions, but also she is never shown as broken by abuse or mental illness. She’s fully responsible, but by the same token is also redeemable, because she still has a choice.
So with that our of the way, let's go to Catra's arc.
I’m not going to recite everything terrible Catra does because I’m still on my first complete rewatch and I honestly find it hard to list it all. It’s a lot. So let’s talk about her shifting motivations. Early on, we see her desire for approval and recognition motivating her in ways that are so easy to sympathize with - she’s been told she’s worthless for years, and she wants to be worth something. We see how much she’s been scarred by Shadow Weavers abuse and by the ruthlessness and callousness of the Horde, and can sympathize with her desire to survive and advance since her own position is so untenable. We also see how, at first, she wants to be reunited with Adora. Her first huge turn into much darker territory is Promises, when she tries to kill Adora in order to permanently sever her connection with her own life and eliminate a possible rival for advancement (should Adora ever return). She’s told herself that she doesn’t want Adora back, and at least partly means it. Yet we still show her care for Scorpia and Entrapta and even Shadow Weaver in Season 2. It’s when Catra realizes that Shadow Weaver has chosen Adora over her once again that she takes her darkest turn. It’s not just that she destroys reality out of spite, it’s that she rejects her chance for a better and happier life, betrays every friend she has and focuses single-mindedly on hurting Adora (and arguably herself) and then on surviving when her attempt fails. Then Catra spends an entire season both fully inhabiting her role as a villain (and not a sympathetic one - really only our history with her leaves us sympathetic) and being utterly self-destructive and miserable. At the end, as mentioned, she’s a broken, suicidal wreck who has destroyed everything she’s strived for. If this was an HBO drama, we’d roll credits here and she’d go down as another self-destructive antihero. It would perhaps be too much to call her ‘Walter White as a catgirl’, but still. Of course, her story doesn’t end there.
Something that is incredibly dark that is happening in step with this is Catra’s hardening of herself, indeed, her dehumanization of herself. We see her struggle with her natural compassion, her kindness, her need for connection, her desire for happiness, and we see her ignore it all, stamp it down and nearly snuff it out. This is a huge factor in her descent into becoming a real villain (no ‘anti’ qualifiers needed). Every step of her descent is a struggle for Catra - not going with Adora in the second part of ‘The Sword’, trying to kill Adora in ‘Promise’, going back to the Horde, betraying Entrapta, lying about Entrapta, threatening Scorpia, destroying the world - but she always chooses evil. And with every step she becomes more isolated, more callous, and more cruel. Her default reaction becomes not just bravado and mockery and insolence, but threats, bullying and intimidation, until her management style is identical to Hordak’s, and indeed, is quite a bit worse. Catra starts off fighting for Hordak and Shadow Weaver’s approval and struggling to survive, and ends up cackling maniacally at her brutal and murderous conquests. She has very deliberately turned herself into a cruel conqueror, and a tyrant. This self-dehumanization is a huge part of evil in the world, I think, and it’s really powerful to see it so clearly in a kids show.
Meanwhile her insistence on evading all responsibility finally results in a self-serving, self-protective narrative that insulates her from responsibility or self-examination but also cuts her off from reality and other people. It’s always a bit unclear to what extent her various untruths (about Adora leaving her, about Shadow Weaver’s escape and her concealment of it not being her fault, about Entrapta betraying Hordak) are things she believes, lies she is telling to have power over others (mostly Scorpia) or things that she doesn’t quite believe but is trying to convince herself of. It’s probably all of these at various times, and in different degrees for each lie. The end result is that Catra is even more alone, because only she inhabits the safe cocoon of lies she’s built around herself. It also is the key to her and the Horde’s downfall - Catra is so isolated and in such denial that she can’t see how thin her forces are spread, and this crack shows up even in episode 1 of Season 4, with her insistence that the Princess Alliance is in shambles (when, in fact, it’s already rebounding, and proves more resilient than she allows herself to believe, and is led by a woman as ruthless and determined as herself). This part of Catra’s arc brilliantly shows how deception (of yourself and others) can feel protective by keeping shame at bay, but ultimately is destructive and strips someone of so much of the intellectual and moral qualities that we call ‘human.’ It’s also chilling to see since we’ve seen the end game of this mentality play out in US national politics, at the highest level.
I said at the opening that we’ve never seen a sympathetic character like Catra in a kids show. What about Zuko? I would argue that Zuko is never a cruel, or as callous, or as self-destructive as Catra is at her worst. Zuko is motivated by a desire for recognition from his abusive father (much like Catra is initially motivated by desire for recognition from Hordak and Shadow Weaver, and indeed Adora), and perhaps a desire to belong in the Fire Nation. All of this gets wrapped together in his ‘Honor’. He’s a young man with a very weak sense of what he truly believes, instead relying on external guides to what he should do. He’s also incredibly self-involved, and initially indifferent to anyone’s pain but his own and anyone’s needs but his own need to restore his honor. Uncle Iroh is there throughout to push Zuko both to see the needs of others and to become his own person. Zuko’s redemption arc, then, is a twofold quest to recognize other people and to find his own moral center and act from it. This is a pretty powerful coming of age story in that it is about him becoming his own person and throwing off the shackles of his upbringing. Politically, it’s a powerful story of a young man taking responsibility for his own actions in an authoritarian regime and refusing to participate in its imperialism any more and to embrace a new way forward both for himself and his nation. At the same time, in some ways it is easy to sympathize with Zuko because his greatest crimes are those of weakness - he’s not strong enough to stand up to his nation and his family until midway through the last season. Catra though...Catra does what she does, eventually, because she wants to hurt people. She’s cruel, and spiteful, and destructive in ways that are truly scary and which prevent any excuse or mitigation.
Which brings up the other comparison - Azula. But while Azula is (somewhat inconsistently) shown either as a monstrous child sociopath or a traumatized and broken child who can’t help it (and thus, perversely, as not a moral agent but something like a monster), Catra is consistently shown as a moral agent. Catra chooses her own path, every step of the way. She has so many chances to do something else - Adora’s offers to leave together in the two-part series opener, Promises, Scorpia’s suggestion that they dessert the Horde and become desert gang leaders, etc - and until season 5, she turns them all down. While Azula seems destined for evil and madness, with Catra we see a young woman very deliberately walk down the path into unmitigated evil with both eyes open. And then we see it destroy her.
And after she is basically destroyed, we see her build herself back. This process actually starts in Season 4 with the creeping realization that even when she is winning she is miserable and alone. She doesn’t even notice Scorpia is gone for several episodes, then she completely loses it. She spends the entire time when she is at her most triumphant isolated and raging and borderline incoherent, as ineffectual as she accuses Hordak of being. She’s won, and she’s alone, and she’s the most unhappy she has ever been, and I think for the first time she realizes that. And that’s the worst blow to her, even before all the external things come crashing down. She’s already miserable before Double Trouble and Glimmer deal her a triple coup de grace of destroying all her armies*, turning her and Hordak against each other and then Double Trouble’s epic evisceration. By the time Glimmer shows up, Catra is, as mentioned, literally suicidal. But she’s also already begun the process of changing in that she knows that she has a problem (her, and her self/other-destructive tendencies). Moreover, she knows, at some level, that what she really wants isn’t conquest, or to prove herself as the baddest leader of the Horde, but love - and she’s seen how she’s squandered that at every opportunity.
Let’s just pause for a moment to observe how much better Glimmer is at villainous machinations than Catra. In a couple episodes she makes a faustian bargain for unlimited power, kills all her enemies armies, sets her two chief foes at each other’s throats and literally cripples one while rendering the other helpless. And given her ironic non-answer about hurting Catra (‘we’re the good guys, remember?’ and the fact that she’d tried to kill Catra twice before**, she walked into Hordak’s sanctum fully intending to end Catra’s life, one way or another. She does all this through ruthlessness, recklessness and treachery, and she could give like, a TED talk on villainy. Of course it also blows up in her face and is actually way worse than the portal did in Catra’s, endangering the whole universe (I always assumed that the portal only threatened Despondos), dooming Etheria to invasion and all that. Of course, Catra pulled that switch and then fought Adora knowing that the world was ending, while Glimmer was just ignoring warnings from...just about everyone, including Shadow Weaver. So yeah, Glimmer, best kids show antihero since Princess Bubblegum***(unless we’re counting Catra as an antihero, which works for the first half of season 5).
Anyway, at the beginning of Season 5 Catra is adrift. Though some interpretations, like TV tropes, see her as immediately falling back into old habits and casting her lot in with Prime, I see her actions from the end of Season 4 onwards as more ambivalent. She seems to be kind of...going through the motions. She doesn’t have any of the drive or passion in her plotting that she once did, she seems to be maneuvering into Prime’s good graces out of habit. At best she’s back in the survival mode of early season 1, but without the ambition and desire to prove herself that motivated her. Some interpretations put a lot of stock in Prime being someone that can’t be bargained with or appeased, but...I don’t buy it. I take him, to an extent, at his word when he says that he was ‘exalt’ Catra (I am sure it is something awful). Catra actually gets what she wants halfway through “Corridors.” Only it’s not what she wants. She’s done jockeying for advantage, especially in a world where she truly would be alone because all she has is this psychopathic narcissist and his clones for company. She wants connection. She wants to do what is right. She’s suppressed all her humanity (felinitity? Anyway) for years and it’s made her miserable, and now she’s ready to embrace it. At the same time she confronts her own culpability, seeing just how much harm she’s done and admitting it for the first time. Her first lifeline is Glimmer, the only person she can actually talk to, the only other Etherian, the woman whose mother she doomed and who has nearly killed her three times. But Glimmer is also going through her own dark night of the soul - Glimmer and Catra’s character arcs were converging at the same time that Catra’s and Adoras and Glimmer’s and Adora’s were diverging. And they come together on either side of that forcefield, just talking and being people in an environment that is designed to be as dehumanizing as possible. Even this barest lifeline is enough for Catra to hold on to for dear life, and enough to inspire her to not just feel bad about the bad things she’s done, but do something good.
But the first way she does this is a cop out. Her plan, like Shadow Weaver’s in the finale, is to sacrifice/kill herself doing ‘one good thing.’ That way she doesn’t have to figure out how to live with the consequences of her actions, face the possible rejection of the people she loves whom she’s wronged, and do the hard work of building herself back up as a better person. She gets to die a hero rather than live as a villain. That said, unlike Shadow Weaver she does at least get off one apology, and it makes all the difference.
Then Adora fucks Catra’s sacrifice up, in glorious, space operatic, gay AF pulp fiction fashion, by saving the cat. Catra is mind controlled or unconscious for most of this episode, but what she does do is so crucial. When Adora comes for her, she reaches out to her, as soon as she is able. She doesn’t push her away, she takes Adora’s help, and her love, and Adora does the rest in badass fashion. The next few episodes plus the so perfect its canon Don’t Go are my favorite part of Catra’s entire arc.
She nearly falls back into her old habits, at least partly. Now that she has to live with what she’s done rather than just dying for it she just wants to run away again. But when she has to choose between losing Adora all over again and confronting herself and her past, she chooses Adora, and asks her to stay.
Catra then spends the rest of Season 5 slowly easing herself into the very human world of the Princess Alliance - the comaradery, the dedication to others and a cause, the goofiness. I’m going to talk a lot more about her relationship with Adora in my Catradora post, but I do want to highlight three moments.
The first is Catra running away again. This is actually a big change from what she’s done before - she’s not leaving because she’s angry, or bitter, or spiteful, she’s leaving because she doesn’t want to see the woman she loves sacrifice herself yet again (maybe this time for good) after being manipulated by the woman who had abused them both. But then she comes back. And then she confronts her abuser in a way that she has never done before - for the first time in the series, she not only calls Shadow Weaver out but calls her to do the right thing, and doesn’t give up until she does (this is after Adora also calls SW out and cuts her off forever, meaning that her two charges have finally called her on her bullshit and chosen each other over her, more in my Shadow Weaver Rant...and I guess my Catradora rant).
Then, at the end, Catra both stays with Adora through her potentially fatal harnessing of the Heart of Etheria and then her comes in and rescues her by challenging her to do something for Catra and for herself. Not to be with Catra, or to kiss her, or love her, but just stay for her. Needless to say, Adora responds far more enthusiastically than Catra had dared hope. (more on this in my Catradora rant).
Catra starts the show convinced she doesn’t need anyone except Adora, and she’s willing to even push Adora away if she can’t have Adora on her own terms. She goes down that path - ambition, manipulation, treachery, cruelty and isolation - until she has nothing left. She then slowly, painfully, turns around and reaches out and begins to heal the pain in Etheria and the universe rather than causing more. This is a psychological journey in many ways, but even more than that it is a profoundly moral one. It is a story of her accepting responsibility for her actions, facing reality, reaching out to others and making amends. It is in every sense a redemption. And while it works perfectly with Adora’s own development into her own, fuller, happier, healthier person, it works not because of Adora or the power of love, but because of Catra herself. Adora’s companionship, Adora’s rescuing of her and holding her to account, all of these are necessary for Catra to change for the better. But in the end it is Catra herself who chooses the right path, maybe for the first time in her life. And that’s what makes the romance work in turn - Catra is motivated to change not simply by a desire to impress her girlfriend or by Adora’s shining goodness (to the contrary, Adora’s a healthier and less self-sacrificing person at least in the finale...she comes around later than Catra) but by her desire to be true to herself and seek out what she really needs and wants - which is love, and connection, and to do good rather than evil. It’s a gorgeous story that takes an antihero all the way down to hell and then back again, and this makes it a truly unique redemption arc in all of kids TV - not just because of how far Catra falls, but how far she travels overall.
*(I know a lot of fanficcers talk about there being a lot of Horde Soldiers left but like...in the show...they’re nearly all dead, guys. Glimmer and company...okay mostly Mermista... just about killed them all in an afternoon. The cadet Triad survives because they deserted and weren’t there to get drowned/frozen/suffocated by plants when the grand invasion of Brightmoon went sideways)
**Okay, once she was only an accessory to Shadow Weaver’s attempted murder of Catra, the other time she leaves Catra for dead in ‘Pulse’
***I stan PB so hard guys. So hard. Machiavellian genius, mad scientist, god figure, possible Nietzschean Ubermensch? She’s so great. So great.
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goldenraeofsun · 2 years
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Hi, Rae! I, always being late to the party, have just stumbled out of studying fir my degree into your amazing stuff. I know NOTHING about spn and I understand that it is a very long series. Is there some way I can get a rudimentary grasp of the storyline without having to binge like a pate de fois gras goose? I am in love with your writing but I know I’m missing a lot. Thanks!
Hoo boy, buckle in! Supernatural is a truly bonkers (affectionate) show with plenty of skippable episodes, so sitting down and watching all 327 episodes is NOT recommended for your health.
Honestly, what kept me going in Supernatural (I started watching 2013-ish) was the fandom. There are such great fanworks out there, so I'll give a rundown of my top eps for understanding the bulk of fanfic and Destiel.
I picked 20ish, squeezing 15 seasons into the span of 1 season. I've watched all of these at least three or four times for fun or fic references.
Before starting a new season, I recommend skimming through the supernatural wiki season-specific pages, (here's s4) for a general overview of the plot. Hopefully this helps!
4.01 Lazarus Rising Why it's Important (WIP): Castiel's first episode! As for background, last season, Dean made a deal with a demon to bring Sam back to life after he was stabbed. Before the episode starts, Castiel rescues Dean from Hell and this ep culminates in their first meeting.
4.16 On the Head of Pin WIP: Cas takes his first steps towards free will in this ep by doubting Heaven. The angel Anna, who fell from Heaven by choice (and slept with Dean in 4.10 Heaven and Hell before regaining her powers [grace]) is in this one as well. We also get a look at how deep Dean's guilt and self-loathing runs for what he did in Hell. There's a reason Dean Winchester's Self-Worth Issues is one of my favorite tags.
4.17 It's a Terrible Life WIP: The ep that spawned a dozen Office!AUs, plus gave us gifs of Dean in red suspenders. If you ever find a fic where Dean's on a cleanse or is overly concerned about market share, it comes from this ep.
5.4 The End WIP: Another AU-influencer, maybe the biggest of the series. For the background, the angels want Sam and Dean to let themselves be vessels for the archangels Lucifer and Michael, respectively, to carry out the apocalypse. So far, Sam and Dean have both said no. One of the angels' tactics is to hurl Dean 5 years into the future, smack in the middle of the apocalypse that happened anyway. If you see fics tagged Endverse!Cas, this is what it is referring to. Ditto with most fics featuring drug user!Cas or hedonist!Cas
5.8 Changing Channels WIP: Most influential ep featuring the Trickster. Also hilarious.
5.17 99 Problems WIP: So many great Cas quotes in this ep because he's drunk off his ass after losing faith in God. "You breed with the mouth of a goat" "Don't ask stupid questions" "It is not of import"
6.20 The Man Who Would be King WIP: After the apocalypse failed last season, there was a civil war in Heaven for control - Raphael (pro-apocalypse) on one side against Castiel (anti-apocalypse). Castiel teams up with Crowley, the King of Hell, for enough power to take on Raphael, which he keeps a secret since he knows the Winchesters don't trust demons. Obviously, when they find out, they take it as a betrayal. Perhaps thee best Cas-centric ep of the show.
7.20 The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo WIP: The first episode with Charlie Bradbury! Geek, lesbian, and hacker, she works for the main antagonists of the season, the Leviathans, until she finds out what they are. She frequently pops up as Sam and Dean's best friend in a crap ton of fic. FYI, the Leviathans were unleashed into the world from Purgatory as an unintended result of Cas's work with Crowley.
7.21 Reading is Fundamental WIP: The first episode with Kevin! For background, after Cas made that deal with Crowley, he "died", he came back with amnesia, he remembered, and then he went insane (to make a long story short, back at the end of s6, Sam's soul got majorly fucked up, and in 7.17 Cas couldn't heal him, so he transferred the soul-injuries to himself). In this ep, we get "follow the bees" Crazy Cas and, of course, Kevin's introduction as a Prophet of the Lord.
8.5 Blood Brother WIP: At the end of s7, Dean got chucked into Purgatory along with Cas when they got rid of the Leviathans. Benny, a vampire from Purgatory, showed them the way out and made a deal that he would hitch a ride, as only humans can leave. To a lesser degree than Charlie, Benny also is fandom favorite best friend for Dean. This ep, where they track down Benny's old vamp crew, is probably the best dive into their canon relationship. Plus vampirates!
8.12 As Time Goes By WIP: At the end of this ep, we get the introduction to the Bunker, which is Sam and Dean's home base for the rest of the series. The plot touches on a bunch of Winchester Family Issues (TM) that have been a theme throughout the series. You can read the John Winchester's A+ Parenting tag between the lines of this one.
9.6 Heaven Can't Wait WIP: The second (and better) human!Cas episode. Cas got his grace stolen for a spell to close Heaven at the end of last season, so he's mostly human now. Dean kicked him out of the bunker because the angel possessing Sam told him to (the angel is healing Sam at a sub-atomic level, so for the time being, his word is law). Oh, and all the angels that fell to Earth hate Cas because they think he closed Heaven on purpose. Many fans read this ep with their "mutual pining" glasses on.
9.11 First Born WIP: This is one of two eps in the whole series to focus on besties, Sam and Cas. It's delightful and pure chaos. (See 14.15 Peace of Mind for more Sastiel [kidding] shenanigans). If you ever see Cas obsessing over PB&Js or guinea pigs (not kidding), it comes from this ep.
10.1 Black WIP: For plot reasons, Dean's a demon now. His favorite activities are karaoke and caving people's skulls in. A bunch of fics actually featured Dean as a demon way earlier, really ever since we found out that if a soul spends too much time in Hell, it will become a demon (3.9 Malleus Maleficarum), so there's a split between author-envisioned Demon!Dean and the canonical Deanmon that came 7 years later.
10.9 The Things We Left Behind WIP: The first Claire-centric ep! She's the daughter of Cas's vessel, Jimmy Novak. She's sassy, from a broken home, and likes to hit things. Basically Dean if he was blonde and a teenager. I love her. By this point, Dean's human again, but he still has demonic impulses that he has to control.
11.4 Baby WIP: A great monster of the week ep from the POV of Sam and Dean's car. It really demonstrates what Dean and Sam are like day-to-day on a standard hunt.
11.11 Into the Mystic WIP: First episode with Eileen, who's the most popular love interest for Sam post-4.01 Lazarus (previous [dead] ladies include Ruby [s3], Madison [2.17 Heart], Sarah Blake [1.19 Provenance] and Jess [1.1 Pilot]). Eileen dies in the next season, but she gets better (15.5 Golden Time)! Note, non-canonically, a lot of people ship Sam/Gabriel, but that's not really my thing, so I don't have any ep references.
12.11 Regarding Dean WIP: I know Rowena's been around for a few seasons by now (she has a B-plot in 10.9 on this list) but this ep represents best how she's portrayed in fic. FYI, she's the most powerful witch in the world, mother of the King of Hell (really), and sometimes a villain. Most fics don't show her at worst - she's normally a reluctant ally, like in this ep, with her own agenda that may or may not fuck up the Winchesters later down the line.
13.1 Lost and Found WIP: The beginning of Dean's widower arc! In the season finale last season, Cas gets stabbed and dies. In this ep, Dean punches a door. It's very emotional. This is also Jack's first episode, aka the Winchesters' Accidental Baby Acquisition. He's not actually a baby, though. He is the son of Lucifer and a human woman, making him a nephilim and super powerful.
13.6 Tombstone WIP: Dean's obsession with the wild west is well documented (see all the way back to 6.18 Frontier Land), but this time he gets to do a cowboy-themed hunt with Cas! With hats!
15.3 The Rupture WIP: I honestly wasn't sure if I should include 15.1, 15.2, or 15.3 or all three. These eps are all tied together; basically God was tired of the Winchesters getting angry at him for controlling them. God told them to kill Jack because Jack was a danger to him; they refused; and he killed Jack anyway and also opened a fissure to Hell just because. In this ep, the Winchesters plus Rowena, and a demon possessing Jack's corpse, are all trying to close the fissure. This ep sets up Dean and Cas's last relationship arc.
15.9 The Trap WIP: The last important shift in Dean and Cas's relationship before - well, you'll find out.
15.18 Despair WIP: For background, Jack died last season too (14.8 Byzantium) and Cas went up to Heaven to make a deal - Jack's life for his. But the deal wound up being, Cas would die once he experienced a true moment of happiness. Can you guess what happens in this ep? Can you??? This ep aired on Nov 5th and single-handedly caused the biggest surge in Destiel activity in decades. Are we still in the fallout of this ep a year later? You betcha. Like Chernobyl.
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The Princess And The Soldier
Request: Hi! Can I have angst and tragedy request. Dean x Daughter reader. Dean has two daughters but treat Reader like a soldier while the youngest treat like a princess Dean and reader don't have good relationship.The reader don't mind at all, as she wanted to please her father. Until, the reader and her sibling got kidnapped by demon and Dean will choose who to save. The reader begged Dean to save her little sister instead of her and she let out her feelings towards Dean and said goodbye to them
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Daughter!Reader
A/N: I was in this crazy writing zone and decided to post one more today. 
I hope you like this, Anon! 
Feedback is welcome as always!
Warning: Angst! A lot of it!
Word Count: 3046
❅ ❅ ❅
If there was one thing you wanted in this whole world, it was to make your dad proud. Nothing else mattered to you as much as that. Even if it meant losing yourself in the process you’d happily do it. Things were great between you and your dad in the beginning. You had wonderful memories of him and your mum taking you to the park and goofing around with you, you’d go camping together and enjoy family time whenever Dean was home from a hunt. Movie nights when uncle Sammy came over were a ball. The house was filled with music and laughter and you felt as if nothing in the world could compare to that or take it away.
That was until your sister was born.
You were only 4 when your mum died giving birth to your sister, Mary. She was attacked by a demon when she was 8 months pregnant and went into early labor. Dean managed to kill the bastard, but he could not save his wife. He watched her die in his arms and with her Dean’s spark died too. A terrible change came over him and no longer was there music or laughter at home. To make matters worse, his attitude towards you began to change and by the time you turned 13, he had completely withdrawn from you, treating you as nothing more than someone to train and feed. He had one job for you - Protect Mary no matter what. Two years later, It had become a mantra that he would repeat after every training session and it eventually replaced all the ‘I love you, sweetheart’.
The only person who seemed to bring even a small bit of happiness was Mary. She was a ball of energy and happiness that somehow managed to bring a bit of light into your home. She reminded you both of your mother and you felt as if a part of her was living through your sister. On the other hand you were more like Dean, something you took great pride in in spite of everything.
Despite the prejudice in your father, you loved Mary dearly. She was your best friend and someone who always managed to make you laugh with her quirks. You were grateful that at least she got to see the loving side of Dean. And that’s exactly what you saw when you walked past Mary’s room one night to get to yours.
“Sleep tight, baby girl” Said Dean softly to her.
“Daddy, what if there are monsters in my closet?” Asked Mary with wide eyes.
“You have nothing to worry about. No one can get you as long as I’m here.” He said kissing her forehead.
“But what if they sneak in?”
“Well, if they do they’ll have to go through me first and guess what?” He said grinning.
“What?”
“They’re too scared of me to come after my baby.” He whispered as if it was a secret.
“Really?” She asked looking at him in awe.
“I promise.” He smiled, tucking the blanket around her.
“Is Y/N safe too? What if the monsters get her? Will you be there too?” She asked innocently.
“You don’t worry about your sister, baby. She knows how to take care of herself. She doesn’t need me.”  You saw his body stiffen at the mention of you. “Now no more questions, you need to sleep.” He said tickling her, smiling widely at her giggles.
His reply broke your heart. You quickly made your way back to your room before either of them noticed your presence. You climbed into bed, trying not to cry. You told yourself that it was his way of having confidence in your hunting skills. He was doing what was needed to make sure you were safe. You fell asleep trying to take what little comfort you could from that.
____________
A year later, on your 16th birthday you were woken up by a jumpy 12 yr old on your bed.
“Wake up, Y/N! It’s your birthday!” She screamed into your ear, making your bury your head under the pillow.
“Go away, it’s not even 7!” You grumbled.
“Come on! Daddy’s making pancakes!” She ignored you and kept shaking you.
“Oh my god! I’m up!” You glared at her, making her giggle. She knew you weren’t a morning person and she found your antics hilarious.
You slowly made your way to the kitchen pouring yourself a cup of coffee and taking a seat at the table. You wished Dean good morning, used to the fact that he’d barely said it back to you like he would to Mary.
He piled up pancakes on all your plates, taking a seat opposite Mary and began to eat. Just as you were about to dig in, Mary spoke up, “Dad, you didn’t wish Y/N!”
Dean looked at you confused and then at her. “Wish her for what?”
“Her birthday! It’s her sweet 16! All my friends at school say it’s a big deal”
“Oh” His eyes widened in realisation. “Happy birthday, Y/N” He smiled at you. For a second you thought he was genuinely excited about your birthday and your heart skipped a beat.
“Are we going to do anything special today?” Asked Mary more excited about your special day than anyone else.
“Well, you and I will be starting your training, Mary.” Said Dean getting up to get more coffee.
“But-“
“It’s okay.” You interrupted. “You need to start training. It’s more important” You smiled at Mary, getting up and placing your plate in the sink. “I’ll umm go for a jog.” You said and left without making any eye contact.
It was so stupid of you to expect anything. Dean had stopped celebrating your birthday like he used to ever since your mum died. Mary got a lot of his attention and it was how it should be. She was a kid and he wanted her to grow up more normal. Which is why he sent her to school while he let you drop out at 15 to train better. Even though she knew about the things that went bump in the night, Dean always made it a point to protect her from it more than he protected you. The fact that he was finally training her today was a big deal. So you didn’t complain.
After an hour of jogging, you came back home to find Dean’s duffle bag near the door. He walked down the stairs and spotted you.
“Dad, where are you going?” You asked.
“Sam found a hunt. Looks like a demon. I’ll be gone for a few days. Take care of Mary okay?” He said busy making sure he had everything.
“Do you need an extra hand?” You asked hoping he would finally let you go on a hunt to prove your worth to him.
“Absolutely not! If you come, Mary comes. And I can’t risk her getting hurt. So you better watch out for your sister, Y/N. I mean it.” He said finally looking at you.
Dean can be very intimidating when he wants to be. And no matter how many times you end up on the receiving end of that gaze, it always made you feel like you’re screwing up no matter what.
“Yes, sir. I’ll watch out for her.” You said.
“Good.” He patted your back, walking towards the door. He stood and turned to you, “You take care too okay?” He said and left without waiting for a reply.
You heart hammered in your chest. You could never get used to the affection Dean showed you. It was few and far in between and when he did, you ate it up like a starved animal. It wasn’t often he directed concern towards you, but you figured the concern was masked under all that anger. So when he showed it, your day was made.
With a bright smile on your face you made your way to your room to take a shower. You passed by Mary’s door and saw her sitting grumpily on her bed.
“Hey, what’s up?” You asked.
“He was supposed to train me! He just left!”
You sighed at her. She didn’t understand the lengths their dad and uncle went to protect her.
“You know dad was really looking forward to it. But some stupid demon decided to wreck havoc. I promise you he’s going to come back and spend all his time with you.” You explained smiling at her.
“Why do you always take his side?”
“What?”
“You know what I’m talking about, Y/N. I ain’t stupid, you know. I pick up on things.”
“I know you ain’t stupid, Mare.” You said confused.
“I see the way he treats you. I’ve been paying attention to that since I was 7. He barely even acknowledges you and yet here you are always taking his side. Why?”
“He does acknowledge me!”
“No he doesn’t! We both know it!”
“Shut up, Mary! He cares! It’s his way of making sure I’m strong enough to protect you!”
“Yeah, that’s all you’ve done all my life! Dad protects me, you protect me! Who the hell is going to protect you?!”
You were stunned into silence. You never looked at it that way. Sure you noticed every time Mary got more from him than you did. But you were too busy trying to do better to make him proud, that you didn’t realise that the only one protecting you was you.
“The reason why I begged him to train me was so I can be the one to protect you back!” She was yelling at you now. “And now he left! It’s not fair!” She had tears streaming down her face. She rushed out of the room, making her way to the main door.
“Mary! Where are you going?!” You ran after her. “You can’t leave when Dad’s not here! You know that!”
She ran out the door with you at her heels. You finally caught up to her, your training giving you the leverage. You pulled her back by her shoulders. “Stop! Just calm down okay?”
Before anything more could be said you blacked out, the last thing you saw was Mary falling unconscious too.
__________________
You slowly woke up, realising that you were tied to a chair in the middle of a warehouse.
“MARY!” You yelled struggling to get out.
“Quit yelling! I’m right behind you!” She snapped.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” You asked, panicking.
“I’m fine. Just my head hurts. You?”
“Yeah pretty much the same.”
The door opened and a man walks in with deep black eyes, “So you brats finally woke up from your beauty sleep. Good!” He grinned.
“Let us go you son of a bitch!” You scream earning a whack across your face.
“Y/N!” Mary yells.
“I’m fine. He hits like a sissy” You grin at him, blood dripping down your lips.
“I see you got your father’s mouth.” He smirks. “This is going to be interesting.”
“Oh just wait till he comes, he’s going to send your dumbass back to hell!”
“I’m counting on his arrival, darling. He and his brother have been causing too much trouble for us. I figured I could make them suffer before I kill them. Kidnapping Dean Winchester’s daughters is going to get me such glory.”
“Look you got me, just let my sister go. Please!” You begged. Afraid for Mary’s life. You had one job and you failed miserably. It was all your fault.
“Oh no, sweetheart. There’s no point in holding onto just you. I need the daughter who Dean loves the most!” He laughed.
You tried not to let it get to you.
“Then let her go!” Mary yelled.
“Shut up, Mary! Don’t say a word!” You snap at her.
“Oh look at that, Dean’s little princess trying to save her failure of a sister. What’s daddy going to say about that, Y/N? You failed to protect her. You had one job.” He whispered the last part in your ear, making you tear up.
“Please” you begged, voice cracking.
Suddenly the door to the warehouse burst open and Dean barged in with his gun raised at the Demon.
“Let them go, you son of a bitch!” He yelled.
The demon quickly pulled out two gun pointing each one to yours and Mary’s head. “Well well, the third Winchester is here to join the party!”
Dean was livid. You had a pretty good idea at what, but a part of you knew he was going to give you hell once you got out of this.
“I won’t say it again, asshole! Let. My. Daughters. Go.” He gritted out.
“I will let them go, Winchester. But you’re gonna have to play a game before that.” The demon smirked.
“Over my dead body.” Dean replied calmly.
“Well, the game does require a dead body. But not yours. You get to choose which one of your daughters get to live. You can take her home.”
“How bout I take them both home after I put a bullet in your head!” He yelled.
“You take another step or do anything stupid, I’ll put a bullet in both their heads.” The demon grinned.
There was silence. You could see your dad panicking and holding back his tears. He didn’t have back up clearly and you didn’t know what happened to Sam.
“D-Dad. Pick Mary.” You said softly looking at the ground. You could hear her sniffle beside you.
“Y/N, no! Please! This is my fault! It should be me!” Mary begged.
“Quiet Mary, this doesn’t concern you.” You told her. “Dad, listen to me. You and I both know if push comes to shove, you’re going to save Mary.”
“Y/N, that’s not-“ Dean started frantically.
“It’s okay, dad.” You smiled teary eyes at him. “All I’ve ever wanted was to make you proud. I-I know mom’s death changed us a lot. I know how much you miss her. I miss her too. I’m sorry I wasn’t a good daughter. I’m sorry I wan’t enough for you to love. I get it, dad. You feel responsible for mom’s death, and Mary looks so much like her. You think protecting her will make up for what you think you failed to do. But dad it wasn’t your fault. It was the demon’s. And you ended up killing that bastard and Mary has always been safe. I know you were tough on me so I could do better and protect her when you couldn’t.” You were crying by now and so were Mary and Dean. You closed your eyes to take a breath before continuing. “I’m so sorry I failed, sir. I couldn’t protect her, I wasn’t fast enough to stop her.”
“N/N, no! It’s not your fault, it’s mine!” Mary said.
“Shh” You said smiling at her. “Maybe I didn’t deserve to be protected like Mary. I know I’m not as perfect as her. Hell she even got grandma’s name.” You chuckled addressing your dad. “It’s not like I have anything that reminded you of mom. I wish I did though, I mean she was so beautiful inside and out. It would be an honour for sure.” You chuckled lightly at that. “But that’s okay, because I noticed I am more like you, dad. And I am so proud of that. So proud to be your daughter. I was going to grow up to be just like you.”
“Y/N, baby. I’m so sorry.” Dean was a sobbing mess.
You had never seen your dad like this before and it broke your heart. You never meant to hurt him. You just wanted to make him proud.
“I’m so so sorry I didn’t treat you right, baby girl. I love you so damn much. You’re right. You were always so smart.” He smiled at you. “Mary is so much like mom and I got consumed by my guilt. And you do remind me of myself, Y/N and that scared me so much. It was like looking in a mirror. When mom was killed, looking at you meant dealing with myself and my demons and I couldn’t. So I pushed you away. I’m so fucking sorry!”
“I just wanted you to love me.” You whispered.
“I do love you, Y/N! So much. More than my own life!”
You finally heard what you’d been dying to all these years. “I love you too, daddy”
You hadn’t called him that in years and when you did your heart swelled up with so much love. You should be angry at him for treating you like a soldier. But right now, knowing the road ended for you, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he loved you just as much as he loved Mary.
“Oh my heart!” The demon, who was silently listening, suddenly made his presence felt. “I could cry, but fortunately, I’m a demon.” He grinned. “Choose Winchester. Who will it be? Your little princess or your little soldier?”
“Daddy, please. Don’t let him hurt, Y/N!” Mary begged.
You looked at Mary and smiled sadly, “Mary, you probably won’t understand this now, and you’re going to be so pissed at me and dad once this is all over. But I promise you that this is my choice. I love you so much and I wish I could watch you grow into this amazing person. But that’s not possible. And dad needs you more than he needs me.”
“No! He doesn’t! He won’t admit it, but he needs you too! I need you!” She screamed.
“Please don’t do this” Dean begged the Demon.
You looked at Dean, “Protect Mary no matter what, right?”
The last time your dad looked so broken was when his wife died, but you knew it would hurt less for him if you were the one to go. You watched him close his eyes and look down in shame. You know he had made his decision and this is where the road ended for you.
You cried harder looking into Dean’s eyes, “I love you, daddy and I forgive you.”
That was the last thing you said before a bullet went through your skull.
❅ ❅ ❅
TAGS BELOW
@hobby27 @akshi8278 @svmwinchesterr
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djemsostylist · 3 years
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Djem's Legion Thoughts
About three years ago my brother joking suggested I read the Horus Heresy, knowing literally nothing about Warhammer. (Literally nothing. I just thought Space Marines were big dudes in armor and I had never heard of Primarchs and I still know nothing of 40k. Have no idea how the Heresy ends--I'm spoiler free babes.) Anyway, what follows are my feelings on each Legion at the following times:
As of midway through Fulgrim
At the end of First Heretic
At the start of the Master of Mankind
Halfway through the Siege
This is very long. I'm not sorry.
Dark Angels
idk I haven’t met them yet, but their name tells me they are either going to be amazing or fucking awful
Um I still dk
God I fucking love these stupid idiots. Like, they are stupid, for sure, but I dunno, I dig their bizarre sort of pseudosecrecy thing. Plus, aesthetically I’m all about weird monk orders. Also, nothing kills me quite like Farith Redloss having anxiety attacks over trying to figure out Lion.
Corswain showing up like the living embodiment of the dude with the pizza where the apartment is on fire is just so deeply on brand for these chucklefucks like, Lion is all “I’m deeply uncomfortable where Imperial Secundus is concerned so instead I’ll just go ahead and attack home planets because that will demoralize the traitors and then I’m Doing My Part” like fam, pretty much all the traitors sans Perturabo are actual literal demons rn and they all had zero qualms betraying their immediate brothers and also the emperor (and Perturabo already fucked over his own) why in the livid fuck would you think this is in any way helpful, but this is Classic Lion and I love him now on account of that one time when he hugged Roboute because he was proud of him and also because he calls all of his sons “Little Brother” bc he is afraid of being a dad and also because I too am deeply avoidant of issues I don’t want to deal with.
Emperor's Children
mostly wonderful, because they are fabulous and also extremely extra, but they have the most ginourmous fuckwad as a Lord Commander, BUT they have a very good boy as another one, so idk really. Plus the whole betrayal thing and the fucking lodges, but they are purple and fabulous, so, +1?
These are the saddest boys ever in the whole world, and they didn’t deserve what happened to them. I loved them all except for Eidolon and they didn’t deserve anything bad to happen to them ever bc they were precious and I loved them. Also Fabius because he was bugnuts and he hurt my boys.
Jesus, I’m so fucking over them all
Honestly I’m so tired
Iron Warriors
I totally confused them with the Iron Hands. Idk even, boring? But Perturabo (while he has a fucking terrible name) also hates Horus so +15
I still know nothing about them, but I think they are buttholes because of the whole Isstvan V thing. Dick move guys, dick move.
I literally can’t. Like, their entire shtick is besieging and being besieged, and then being pissy bc it is what they are good at???? Like, they are literally traitoring bc their dad got a hair up his ass bc he wasn’t a good independent thinker and didn’t think he was allowed to build castles or whatever? Idk they are exhausting except for the ones that aren’t
I still don’t really get them at all except like 99% of them who aren’t named Barabas Dantioch are asshats and are not independent thinkers who are literally still traitoring for reasons unknown except to stick it to the emperor like?? Get an actual culture??? Just literally stop???
White Scars
I dunno, haven’t met them, but since no one else talks about them, I’m gonna guess, boring?
I dunno but they are worried about them hooking up with the Rout so I guess they are cool?
Oh bless your tiny little souls. They are so sweet, and so, so dumb. But sweet.
They are very, very good boys. They don’t have a ton of range per say but their simplicity is sort of the point I think. They are what space marines are supposed to be, and I love them for that
Space Wolves
ehm, oh, I’m sorry, The Rout. Whateverthefuck, they’re boring, over-the-top fuckheads who are giant fucking hypocrites who suck and probably don’t ever shower. Honestly, they rival the Emperor’s Children in extraness, and not in the loveable way. Fucking awful, 0/10.
Okay, honestly, not as awful as some. I mean, hella extra and I hate what they did at Prospero, but in a world full of awful things, we gotta pick and choose.
They are just so, so...Space Wolfy. Bless them they try, and some of them legit crack me up. I’m just not about their aesthetic, you know?
Much like the other fuckups amongst the Loyalists, they are a blunt instrument used for a specific purpose and do better with like...direct instruction. I’m saying they are not the kind to do well with metaphor and also a lack of like, a dad. They need TE:BBA is what I’m saying.
Imperial Fists
Literally only met them briefly, but they seem a good sort. I like their Primarch? -3 tho cause damn that color scheme.
Still good boys.
Omg I love you all, you precious little bbs. They are just so calm and stoic and honestly even though yellow is a hideous color they are literally like Templars and that is fantastic?????
Listen, the amount of love that I have in my heart for these precious, perfect boys is rivaled only by my love for Rogal Dorn, who might possibly be, and I don’t wanna sound dramatic here, be the love of my life but anyway.
Night Lords
idk but their name sounds sick.
Right, these guys are also dicks. I hate them on principle.
Every time I think of them all I can think of is that one video of the goths dancing under the bridge. They are so. Fucking. Extra. Christ alive, get a hobby that isn’t fucking skinning people.
Yeah idk they still mostly suck and to be perfectly honest I’m still not entirely sure what their point was, even pre-heresy? Like what role did psychopaths play in TE:BBA’s plan for a glorious human empire, someone explain
Blood Angels
I dunno cause I’ve only ever met their First Captain (who was consorting with fuckheads) but Sanguinius is literally Top Tier Fabulous, like Prince Extra, so I hope they don’t let me down
I’m still holding out hope. Don’t let me down boys.
OH. MY. GOD. Honestly, kill me, I love them so, so, so, so, so much, it’s a lot. And I suspect something terrible will happen with them but I don’t care because they are perfect. All of them. Wonderful, perfect, lovely, caring boys who love their dad and I love them. Sweet, loving, precious little bbs who occasionally suffer from tragic vampiric tendencies but I don’t love them any less. They better stay perfect forever. If I could, I would be like Sangy and just take them all everywhere with me so that they could always be safe <3 On a less gushy note, I think one of the most important aspects of the Blood Angels (and of their primarch) is that while they acknowledge their differences from unmodified humans, they also love humanity, deeply. They see them as worth fighting for and protecting, and acknowledge that their abilities allow them to create a universe that is safe for the common man to live in. There is a sort of profound love and tenderness that they have for humanity, and I think it really does make a difference in their legion. (That scene is Master of Mankind with the Blood Angel and the Custodian really highlights what I’m saying here.)
Listen, this may sound dramatic, and I don’t wanna like, go over the top, but I would literally die for them, which would seem counterproductive since that is what they do for humanity but the amount of love of I have for this entire legion and one Angel is too big to contain in my heart okay
Iron Hands
I don’t know them well yet, but they seem like good boys overall. I’m sure one of them is bound to be a crazy fucker tho.
They are good boys. I don’t know them very well, but my favorite moment is when Ferrus had to thank Lorgar for his help so he made him a crozius and then threw it at him because he didn’t want to have to talk awkwardly.
Poor sad bbs
No, but really, poor sad bbs
World Eaters
literally terrible people, but I guess when your Dad is bugnuts….
Definitely should have been put down. As in to death. They should have been killed. Probably.
Still fucking crazy. But I love Kharn, and honestly Lotara (who I know isn’t technically a World Eater but close enough.)
No but they probably should have all been just euthanized? I mean not Kharn bc I love him but also like--they are not viable. Long term? Tbh still not entirely sure what TE:BBA’s plan was here with them and Angron (I’m gonna assume something along the lines of ignore it and hope it goes away, since that is mostly his plan for everything)
Ultramarines
probably enormous squares, but tbh in a galaxy with World Eaters and the Rout, we could do with some squares.
Honestly, I have no issues with them. They do their duty, they are loyal. I hope to love them though. They actually believe in colors.
HOLY FUCK DO I LOVE THEM. ALL 200,000 OF THEM. (Which is probably what Roboute thinks tbh.) Like, I literally haven’t met a single one that I don’t adore and love with my whole soul and entire being. They are precious, soft, beautiful bbs who I adore with my whole heart. And who will make great leaders of the world someday I’m so proud. On a less gushy note, much like the Blood Angels, the Ultramarines really have a sort of profound feeling of protection and duty towards humans. They may not always like dealing with them, but Roboute is of the firm belief that they must understand what they are truly fighting for. Saving humanity is not enough, you have to fight for the humans who live there. (See, the one short story where they find a baby and I died.)
No but what you don’t quite get is that I literally love them. Every single individual solitary one of them, and while some may say “But Djem such a thing is impossible you haven’t met every Ultramarine” I need you to understand that the depth of my love for them and their Primarch is such that I know, in my bones, that I don’t need to meet them all to love them okay bc I already do.
Death Guard
Okay, so honestly I wanted to hate them (because BETRAYAL) but tbh its only the First and Second Captains who suck a lot and idk really the rest are sort of tragically precious??
Seriously, what is Mortarion’s issue?
No, seriously, what the fuck is their problem? Get the fuck over it.
Okay, I do feel bad. For Mortarian. Of all the traitors, him I understand the most. However, that being said, while I can understand his issues, I feel like giving yourself over to demons, turning into actual demons, and also turning on and killing your brothers who refused to become said demons makes you terrible awful people who really need to like, die.
Thousand Sons
okay, I fucking love these lame Warrior Monk Priest Wizards who live in a literal glass city with restaurants and teach random people Tai Chi in the park or whatever. Overall 10/10
I am v. worried that they are going to do something dumb like join the rebellion in order to affect change from the inside and then like, adopt demons or something. Pls don’t be dumb boys.
I don’t even fucking--look, I’m just tired okay?
What the fuck Azhek. No seriously, ⅞ is good enough? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Sons of Horus? Luna Wolves? who the fuck knows
my precious sons. You did not deserve what was done to you. This is why we don’t do frats. I believed in you and you failed me. D:
I love my precious sons. The Sons of Horus however, can go die.
I just--why are you the way you are?
I think the best thing about these absolute morons is that half the legion isn’t even demon fuckers, they just woke up one day and Horus told them to kill their brothers and they went “sure okay” and then just did. They are so fucking pretentious and stupid, fucking speartip, honestly die. I take it back. You all deserved exactly what you got, you dumb fucks.
Word Bearers
look, I haven’t met the rest of these dudes yet, but Erebus is a terrible fucking ambassador. -60/10 for not controlling their boy
HOLY LORD. I cannot--there are not actually words to describe how much I loathe these ignorant dumbasses. Like, seriously. Honestly, the ones who were purged were probably lucky, because the rest of them fucking suck.
God, eat a fucking landmine. Except, that would probably turn them on or something. Fucking assholes.
Just--imagine being such a fuckup that even when you were the first to the “become a demon, save the world” thing you still somehow ended up last. I hope the Ultramarines put down every. Single. One.
Salamanders
idk but this name is dumb. Salamanders are cute and slimy, and while Astartes are fucking adorable, they are not slimy. -1 for the dumb name
They are loyal, which is cool, and they seem like chill bros.
I just, like, they are sweet, but good lord are they simple.
I’m not sure? What they are doing? With their lives? Guys, idk if anyone told you but like, um. There is a war. And I get they’ve had it rough but also the loyalists could use their hope so maybe, idk. Do something? I mean I know there are like, 50 of you left and also you think your dad is dad and I feel you but like-
Raven Guard
idk but I like Ravens and Black, plus their Primarch’s name is Corvus? 11/10 they better not suck.
OMG I love Corvus?? Flies with a giant jetpack and tried to gut Lorgar? Yeah, he’s wonderful. Plus, their Captain seemed cool before he was fucking murdered.
I love them all, bless. They are sweet and simple and kind of stupid, but they make me feel things in my heart, so like, idk, stay precious.
Look, I cried over Branne fucking Nev, I don’t wanna talk about it rn
Alpha Legion
seriously? Lame.
Fuck these guys. What is their deal?
I can’t even really. I really, truly can’t. Nothing has ever satisfied me the way I was satisfied when Alpharius literally lost his head. God, that was beautiful.
Or Omegon? It was actually Omegon? I don’t even know anymore man
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starrynite7114 · 4 years
Text
Adore You (EZ Reyes)
A/N: Good evening everyone! I decided to try my hand on EZ, test the waters out. Angel is my ultimate bae, but you know, let’s give little brother some love too! Hope you all enjoy this one! It’s based on Harry Styles song, ‘Adore You’. 
I will be posting Things You Never Knew tonight and hopefully Misconstrued in the next few days. Working through the requests as well and the next one will be body art along with a daddy Angel request. 
Hope you all are having a good start of the week!
Masterlist 
tagged list: @justahopelessssromantic : @ifoundmyhappythought : @trulysuccubus : @chibsytelford : @agirllovespasta : @elcococruz : @thickemadame : @iambabyharry : @briana-mishell24​ : @briannab1234​ : @carlaangel86​ : @marvelmaree​ : @enamoured-x​ : @encounterthepast​ : @woahitslucyylu​ : @jadert15​ : @gemini0410​ : @whyisgmora​
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EZ smiled as he watched you dancing with Angel, so happy to finally take that final step with you. You laughed, lighting up the room as cheesy as it sounded. He was content sitting down and watching his dysfunctional family taking turns dancing with you. Looking down at the ring on his left finger, he was always thankful that he decided to take the leap and ask you out on a date all those years ago. 
‘I get so lost inside your eyes’
EZ remembered the first time he truly saw your eyes. You always hid behind your black square framed glasses, reading your books during whatever break period you all had. He wasn’t going to lie and say he knew who you were before being paired up with you for a history project. He was hoping to be paired up with a friend of his, and you offered to switch, but after EZ’s eyes connected with yours, he immediately shut the idea down. He couldn’t explain it. It wasn’t even the color of your eyes that captivated him, it was how warm they were. You gave him a small smile and offered your notebook to him so he could jot down ideas for your project. 
You knew who Ezekiel Reyes was, it was hard not to. He was the star baseball player, number 15, with the impeccable slide. Scouts were already hounding around him and it definitely helped that he wasn’t your typical idiotic jock. 
Nope.
Ezekiel Reyes was incredibly smart. 
You’ve been in his classes since you two were in the fourth grade and you used to envy him due to how intelligent he was without trying. But he was always a nice guy, so it was hard not to like him.
But you knew he never noticed you, which wasn’t a problem for you. You were used to not being noticed and with the way your fellow high schoolers were at times, you were glad that they never paid you any mind. 
Things changed after that history project in the eleventh grade. You somehow became good friends with EZ. You two weren’t the best of friends, but you definitely considered him a close friend. It was hard to make any mark in EZ’s life at that time since he was irrevocably in love with Emily. You liked Emily, she was a nice girl and smart as well. 
Somehow, you and Ezekiel ended up in Stanford. Since you two were the ones from Santo Padre, you two stuck together however, when the whole thing with Marisol occurred, everything changed. You missed him terribly and tried to visit him as often as you could, but you knew that visiting him didn’t do much for him. You could just see his life being sucked out of him and you felt terrible. Your last visit caused a rift between you two and you never recovered after that. 
Till he was released from prison. 
Five years had passed by then and the next time he locked eyes with you, you were walking out of church with your mother, your older brother and father following behind you two. EZ was with his father and much like years ago, your eyes caught him once again and he couldn’t look away. Angel elbowed him to finally cut the staredown between you two. There was no animosity, you gave him a small smile before following your brother to his vehicle.
“Ooh,” Angel teased his younger brother.
“Shut up.” EZ playfully pushed him away, chuckling at his brother’s stupidly. 
The next time he locked eyes with you, you were holding hands with some guy who did not deserve your attention. You looked at him like he held the world and his eyes were on his phone, doing god knows what. EZ passes by you, your eyes connected with his, again, you gave him that small smile you did three weeks ago and he returned your smile. 
Was your smile always so breathtaking? 
He kept looking at you till you turned the corner. Before you did, you threw him one last smile before disappearing behind the building. EZ wasn’t watching where he was going and ran into a post. Angel was walking out of the carniceria and laughed at his brother.
“Wow. You got it bad.” Angel clapped his hand on his back. “You're really into making your way back down high school pussy lane.”
“Shut up Angel.”
That guy didn’t last long and when EZ saw you next, your eyes locked at one of the few bars in Santo Padre. You were behind the bar, glasses gone, eyeshadow and make up highlighting your features. EZ almost choked on his drink when he saw your clothing, enough was covered, but it definitely left every man in this bar wanting more. He noticed how many men vied for your attention, you rarely man the bar, but your bartender called off due to an exam the next day and you couldn’t possibly say no.
Angel nudged his younger brother, pointing your way. 
“Knew there was a reason you decided to blow off some steam here tonight.” Angel whistled, catching your attention. “Preciosa, let me get a beer.”
“If you wanted a beer Ignacio, you should have stayed at the club.”
“You know I come here for you.” He winked as you handed him the beer.
“Better tip me this time,” you shot him a playful glare. “What can I get you Ezekiel?” 
Your eyes were different. He didn’t feel the usual warmth and familiarity he felt. This was new. Your eyes were intoxicating, he didn’t notice it’s shade before and he was lost in them.
Angel elbowed his brother, crashing him back to reality. 
“Sorry for my little brother’s rudeness, he’ll have milk.”
You laughed as EZ playfully shoved Angel.
“Let me just get a beer too.”
Ezekiel didn’t know what came over him that night, but one of the thoughts that ran through his mind was how he wanted his child to have your eyes, the same warm and inviting eyes he saw whenever he looked into them. The same eyes that dilated so perfectly as he had you gasping, moaning, and screaming his name. Your eyes were the first thing he noticed about you. How perfect they were and how inviting they were. You always tried to hide behind your books, which was fine, but once he came into your life, you couldn’t use your books as an excuse to not befriend people. 
He wanted to be your friend. You were definitely more interesting to talk to than some of his friends, hell even Emily at times. The way you snorted whenever he made some corny jokes. He would never tell anyone but the memories you two shared together was what kept him going in prison.
When he got out, his heart yearned for Emily, holding onto past memories that he should have long let go of, especially when he heard that she married Miguel Galindo, but old habits die hard. Emily was his first love and he felt that he owed her some type of penance for the abortion she had to go through alone. But he also found himself seeking you out.
When he realized that the solace he yearned for was no longer with Emily but with you, it hit him hard. He was glad it did, because he would have let you slip from his fingers and he couldn’t have had that.
You don't have to say you love me
You don't have to say nothing
You don't have to say you're mine
EZ walked into the flower shop across the street. He found himself frequenting the shop since your mother owned it. From time to time, you would be there, greeting him with a bright smile, the same glasses on your face. You were a familiar face from his past that didn’t require anything from him. All you wanted was to see him, catch up on pop culture and television shows you two used to frequently watch together, and discuss books you went through while he was in prison. You visited him a few times during his prison stint before you two fell out. EZ couldn’t even remember why you two fought in the first place, but whatever the reason was, he regretted it.
He was happy that you let him back in.
You were sitting inside the shop, buried in your phone. You heard the motorcycle and disregarded it since you felt like it was the one constant thing you’ve been hearing as of late. A sound that made your heart quicken, but you didn’t want to always assume it was EZ, could be anyone. 
Looking up when the bell rang indicating someone just walked in, you grinned.
“Hey EZ, what can I get for you?”
“Just browsing.” He didn’t even look around, he always just stayed with you by the counter till a customer came in. 
“Feel like you’re loitering.” You teased him. 
“That wounds me, I thought we were hanging out.”
You laughed. “Okay, we’re hanging out. Are you too cool to be seen out with me cause you only hang out with me here or behind closed doors.”
EZ frowned at your comment and you immediately took it back. “I’m joking, I didn’t mean it in that way.”
“No, you’re right.” It’s not that EZ didn’t want to be seen with you. You were the breath of fresh air that reminded him that it was great to be out, that all the deceit and hardships were worth it because he got to be near you again.
You didn’t have to say you were his, but in his mind, you were his and eventually, when things settled, he could proudly show it off.
“I get it EZ, we’re just friends when no one is around.”
That wounded EZ. That wasn’t true. But he could see why you would see it in that way. When you two were in Stanford, away from the prying eyes of the people in Santo Padre, things were different, but as soon as you two were home, Emily had all of his attention and you weren’t bitter, she was his girlfriend. 
And now.
He’s been out of prison for six months, Angel wasn’t talking to him, which you noticed, but you didn’t ask questions. You were only EZ’s friend at his convenience.
EZ opened his mouth to argue, but the shop door opened and it was the guy you were seeing that walked in. Seemed like a decent guy, definitely better than the other one, but EZ didn’t like him anyway.
Cause he had you.
And he wanted you.
“Enjoy the rest of your day Ezekiel.”
You always called him Ezekiel in front of other people and he wasn’t going to lie and say it didn’t irk him, that it didn’t hurt him when you did that. But again, it seemed like he’s been hurting you all these years without meaning to.
Then it hit him then, he remembered why you two fell out.
You had come to visit him and he wasn’t exactly feeling so hot about himself. So he had the guard pass the message, you were no friend of his and he didn’t want you visiting him anymore.
EZ didn’t want you to waste your time on him when you could be productive with other things. He was a low point at that time and he regretted those words almost as soon as he said them. 
After that day, you avoided EZ. You always made sure there was someone at the shop with you so he wouldn’t come in. And you were right, he never came in. He kept his distance and you appreciated it. He said it all those years ago, you two weren’t friends, just convenient companions.
You were closing the shop, double checking the locks when there was a knock on the door. Looking up, you found EZ with your favorite bouquet of flowers. You looked at them then back at EZ. Turning away from the front door, you turned the lights off and made your way to the back where your car was parked. Once you slid in your car, EZ was barely making it around the corner of the building, you pulled out and left EZ. 
It was better this way, you and EZ as friends was always a fluke. 
But EZ didn’t give up. And next thing you knew, even Angel was bugging you. He would frequent the shop, scaring away the guy you were seeing. You wanted to strangle Angel, you’re not exactly sure what the hell he was doing but you weren’t a fan of it. 
On the day of your birthday, your mother told you to be at the flower shop at 1800 sharp since you all were headed to San Diego to have dinner for your birthday. Your mother could be so weird, but you adored her along with your father and brother. 
Walking into the shop, you made a face at how dark it was.
“Mom, you know I hate surprises.” You announced. “But if Charlie Hunnam is at the end of this darkness, totally okay.”
You heard a chuckle, but it wasn’t from your mother, it was Ezekiel holding a bouquet of chocolate. Looking behind you, your parents gave you a wave and a thumbs up before leaving. Turning back to face EZ he was still at the same spot.
“Happy birthday Y/N.” He greeted, extending the chocolate towards you.
“Thank you.” You looked around after you took the chocolates. “It’s just you and me?”
“Yeah, I wanted some time with you, before having dinner with your parents. I feel that we’re long overdue for a talk.”
“No, we’re not, it’s okay. I’d rather not have this conversation on my birthday.” You really didn’t. Whatever it was, you and EZ we’re cool. You didn’t want to have that conversation. 
“Please, I’m desperate here. I didn’t mean for my actions to be interpreted in that way. You’re my friend, hell, you’re my best friend. It’s been hell without you, with everything going on with Angel, the club, you were my escape. I kept you away because I didn’t want my actions to poison you.” EZ sighed. “It’s stupid, but your my main priority is your safety.”
“EZ, you’re a prospect, what danger could there possibly be? I don’t really think that way, at least not all the time, but be up front, I don’t mind being your secret friend as long as I’m in on the secret as well.”
“I don’t want you to be a secret. You’ve never been a secret. Everyone knows you’re the most important person I care about who isn’t family.” Even though someday, EZ hopes you would become a part of his family. But he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. “I’m sorry, you’re the best part of my life and I don’t want to lose you over a misunderstanding.”
You sighed, a small smile appearing on your face. “You’re not going to stop.”
“You know us Reyes’, we’re stubborn.” 
Two months after that, you and EZ were dating. Your relationship was hardly rainbows and sunshine, but you two were the happiest together. Between club business, the cartel and family drama, you and EZ were always busy. So when you found out you were pregnant, a year and half after you and EZ started your relationship, things shifted.
I'd walk through fire for you
You leaned your back against the bathtub, your head against the wall. Pregnancy was tough, especially since EZ had been gone more often. He needed the money and you know he did, for your daughter. Groaning, you really wished pregnancy was easier. The morning sickness was too much to bear at times. 
“Mi alma,” EZ frowned, seeing you on the floor with your hair covering your beautiful face. “How long have you been on the floor?”
“I don’t know.” You looked up and gave him a weak smile. “I’m really exhausted.” You were only two months pregnant and you were already suffering. But they said that the morning sickness only lasted till the beginning, that once you entered the second trimester, it was smoother. 
EZ helped you up, picking you up in his arms and carrying you over to the bed. He gently placed you under the covers, stripped down to his boxers and slipped in after you. His hand rested on your belly, which was still not showing. 
“I’m so happy your home.”
And he would always make it home. He would walk through fire and hell to assure he’d come back to you.
“I’ll always come home to you. I love you.” He turned you to face him, caressing your face. He kissed you, always missing the feel of your lips on his. “One day, we’re going to get married and you’ll definitely won’t be able to get rid of me.”
“I love you too.” You smiled. “If I wanted to get rid of you, I would have continued to ignore you after that fight we had when you got out.”
“You’re not my secret, I hope you know that. I just wanted to keep you safe.” His thumb caressed your thumb, hoping to wipe the worry away. 
“I know.” 
EZ watched as you and your daughter, Sophia, danced with Felipe. Sophia was a bubbly two year old who had her mother’s eyes. Whatever she wanted, she got, since she had the Reyes men at her beck and call. He remembered your reluctance to get married, not truly seeing the point as you and EZ were committed as could be. 
You were the only woman he knew that had to be convinced to get married. 
It was ridiculous.
Just let me adore you
“That’s fucking ridiculous, what you mean she doesn’t want to get married?” Angel sat down by the dining table, holding Sophia in his arms. “Mamas, your mom is crazy.”
Sophia giggled which made both her father and uncle smile. Anything she did, it elicited a smile from those around her. 
“Right? She was reasoning how it’s just for tax purposes, which it is, but I love her, I want us all to share a last name.” EZ put the last of the dishes away. You were at work so Angel came over per EZ’s request.
He wanted to show big brother the ring he got for you.
EZ took the box that’s been weighing heavy in his pocket. He extended his hand to Angel, who took the box in his hand. Opening it, Angel whistled.
“Oh, that’s a rock.” Angel showed it to Sophia. “Isn’t it beautiful? When you get married at sixty-five, you’re gonna get a ring just like this.”
EZ chuckled. “She’s never gonna get married.”
“You’re telling me. Alena came home the other day and told me she had a boyfriend, I almost had a heart attack.” Six year old Alena Reyes has all of her tio’s wrapped around her fingers. Angel couldn’t even wrap his mind around it, but Alena explained to him that it was a boy who was a friend. That explanation would suffice, till she was sixteen. Angel was not looking forward to that.
“She’s gonna be a handful when she’s a teenager.”
“Can we not talk about it?”
EZ laughed. Angel handed the box back to him. They heard the door open and your announcement that you were home. 
“You cool with taking her tonight?”
“Yes, I can take care of your daughter, look how well Alena turned out.” Angel proudly informed him.
“Still think it was all your wife.”
“Fuck you.”
You walked in and found Angel standing up, grabbing Sophia’s bag. 
“What’s going on?” You looked at the two Reyes brothers, eyeing them suspiciously.
“Babe, I told you we were going out to dinner tonight, remember?” EZ gave you a kiss as a greeting.
“Oh, right, sorry,” you gave him a sheepish smile. “I’ll go get ready.” You walked over to Sophia, giving your daughter a kiss on the cheek. “Bye baby, have fun with Tio Angel, remember to pull his beard.”
“Hey!” Angel glared at you causing you to laugh harder. “That shit hurts.”
You left the two brothers at the kitchen to dress up. Angel looked at EZ and shook his head. 
“You sure she’s the one man? Cause once you put a ring on it, that’s it.”
EZ chuckled. “I’m sure man, I think I’ve been sure since I was in prison and she was the only thing I could think of. I love her Angel.”
“I know you do, congratulations hermano.” 
He proposed to you that night and you said yes. Even though you weren’t a strong believer of marriage, how could you say no to the man who had your heart all these years. It was the next step for you two and you were ready to embark on it. What made it better, you two were able to share it with Sophia, who was your flower girl. 
EZ stood up and made his way over to you.
“Pops, can you take Sophia? I want to dance with my wife.” 
Felipe gladly took Sophia from her mother’s arms. You turned to face EZ, wrapping your arms around his neck.
“Are you having fun?” EZ asked.
“Yes, this has been amazing.” You gave him a kiss, EZ smiling against your lips.
“And you didn’t want a wedding.” EZ teased.
“Whatever, you know why I didn’t want one.” You chuckled. “But I’m glad you convinced me, it’s really hard to say no to you.”
“I’m pretty good with persuasion as you know you.” He smirked.
“Are we talking about the time we conceive Sophia or the time you forced me to do a presentation for history class even though we could have just written a paper?” 
EZ laughed. “It was extra points if we presented.”
“You know I hate talking in front of people.”
“I love hearing you though.”
You blushed, not even surprised how charming EZ could still be after all these years. 
“You want to know something?”
“Hmm,” you looked up at him.
“Even after all these years, your eyes still get me.”
“What?” You gave him a confused look.
“It was your eyes, everytime I looked into them, it was something else.” EZ grinned. “Whenever I would look into them, I would get so lost, I would do anything for you.”
“My eyes?” EZ never told you before that he liked your eyes, though, he always did stare into them. 
“Yeah, when we first met, you looked up at me and I don’t know, I was fucking blown away. It sounds cheesy, but it’s true.”
“You were with Emily then.”
“That’s not the point, I’m just letting you know, that you’ve had me wrapped around your fingers since then.”
You rolled your eyes, chuckling. “You’re such a dork, I’m pretty sure you were devoted to Emily then.”
“I was, but I always seeked you out.” EZ pulled you closer, cupping your face and kissing you again. “You’re the person I adore most, the person I love most.” 
“I love you too EZ, and I’m sure our baby will love you as much as Sophie does.” You placed his hand on your belly. “I’m pregnant, four months along.” 
EZ’s lips broke out into a grin. “Yeah? We’re pregnant?”
You nodded your head. EZ lifted you up, causing you to shriek. He put you down and kissed you. Once he pulled away, he made the announcement that you were pregnant, earning cheers from all the guests. They tapped their glasses with their utensils, signaling a kiss. EZ gladly kissed you, overjoyed. 
Just let me adore you
Like it's the only thing I'll ever do
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gomustanggirl16 · 3 years
Text
Traitor Cat
Based off this random idea I have that’s a mix of my own two cats, Corona (no we named her after alcohol two years ago but it is a fitting name) and Tanqueray (gin we have a theme). So Tanq is more my cat, she likes cuddles, she likes to sit on my chest and be in my face and does know when I’m not okay and seems to take my anxiety away. Then there’s Corona, my moms cat, who well lets just say I call her a gargoyle because every morning she sits on the end of my moms bed like a gargoyle staring at her in the dark until she gets up.
So that got me thinking of Liho naturally and I had 15 minutes in an MRI machine (it’s fine I’m fine) to think clearly while ignoring the odd bagging against my back that reminded me of a child kicking the back of your seat on an airplane. So here we have Steve meeting Liho for the first time, this takes place right after TWS and this is also one of many forms of the idea and I’ve had wine so bare with me.
It had been long day, hell it had been a long year, Natasha lost her job, her antimony, her apartment, her parents apparently though that had been years ago, and now she was living in Avengers Tower because gaining her aliases back had been harder than ever before and she had started wondering if it was worth trying. But at least she had Liho, stubborn cat she was she’d missed her after leaving her with the Barton’s while she went Russia she’d found she missed the cat and Liho had seemed to miss her to, crying when she went to the farm to pick her up and see the family. 
It was late almost midnight, she’d been tracking a shipment of S.H.I.E.L.D. contraband at the docks that led nowhere, yet. Natasha checked Liho’s bowl her dry food touched, but her wet food she’d asked Tony to put out untouched. That was highly unlike her, but she was still getting used to her new surrounds, now that she wasn’t allowed outside she was going a bit stir crazy, having come into her room the other day carrying one of Tony’s socks collapsing on the floor and proceeding to “kill” it like a mouse. 
Natasha moved to her room, going through the motions as she got ready for bed collapsing into the oversized bed and abundant pillows Liho loved hiding in, slowly drifting off. Next time Natasha woke partially spreading her legs only to pause realizing Liho wasn’t at her usual spot at the end of the bed. She looked at the clock to see it was almost 2:30am and felt a slight panic pulse through her. Liho always came to bed. Even when Natasha didn’t want her to she’d sit outside the door and scratch and meow until she was let it, but there her door stood ajar and no Liho.
“Liho?” Natasha called out, nothing.
“Liho?” Natasha tried again getting out of bed and going to her door.
She went through the penthouse calling Liho but nothing. No reply. Oh no, Tony had been shocked learning she had a cat, and even more so when she’d asked him to feed her. He owed her that, but he wasn’t used to owning pets let alone Liho who tried escaping out the door every time it opened. oh no.
“J.A.R.V.I.S. are you able to track Liho’s movements?” Natasha asked trying not to think about all the possible ways Liho could be trapped or hurt or...
“Yes, reviewing the Tower’s surveillance it seems she got out when Mr. Stark fed her this evening and made her way into Captain Rogers quarters.”
Oh god...Steve had just gotten back from Spain tracking Bucky. They made plans to have breakfast later this morning. She needed to get Liho back upstairs before she gave poor Steve a heart attack. She quickly made her way out to the elevator and punched the button for Steve’s floor. Just like she knew he would his front door was unlocked, and she quietly made her way into the living room.
“Liho!!” Natasha whispered looking through the space for black ball of fur while trying not to wake the soldier. She went room by room until she reached Steve’s bedroom and her stomach knotted, knowing her cat this would be it, it’s door was cracked and she peaked in.
Sure enough there she was curled up at the end of Steve’s bed sound asleep.
“Traitor.” Liho stirred yawning and stretching with a little meow. “shh, come on.”
Instead of Liho following her Liho made her way further up the bed towards Steve’s sleeping form. Don’t you dare. Natasha moved quickly around the bed quickly snatching up the cat as she was about to climb up onto Steve’s chest. She was about to make it out the door before her foot snagged sending searing pain through her foot and her to the floor.
“F***”
“What the Hell?” Natasha looked up and turned on her back to see Steve rubbing his eyes as he looked down at where she was on the floor.
“Natasha? Are you okay?” He got up realizing what had happened, helping her up off the floor.
“I’m fine, you know you should really keep that thing on the wall or between your night stand and your bed.” She said looking at his shield now laying in the middle of the floor.
“Yeah, wouldn’t want people tripping over it in the middle of the night who weren’t already here when I went to bed. Speaking of, what are you doing in my room?” 
Natasha hesitated, her eyes traying just a bit down his bare torso to where his sweats hung low on his hips-
“Nat?”
“Right-shit where’d she go?” Natasha looked around realizing Liho was gone again. She had to be around here somewhere though.
“Where’d who go? Nat are you sure you’re okay? Even for you this is a little strange.” She frowned getting back on the floor to look under his bed.
“Liho!” She hissed but the only thing there was a duffle bag. “You got any lunch meat? Ham preferably. She doesn’t like cold chicken.”
“There’s a sandwich in the fridge...” Steve replied now more confused than ever. I mean he did wake up to her in her pajamas tripping as she tried to make her escape from his bed room.
She made it to the fridge her foot still stung but she pushed it away as she opened his fridge.
“Nat why don’t you sit down let me take a look at your foot.” Steve tried to insist as he came out putting on a zip up.
She found the remaining hoggie in the fridge and sat down on the stool at the island as Steve went through the freezer for an ice pack,
“Liho, momma’s got ham!” She heard Liho’s distinct chirp before the cat jumped sliding across the counter to get her treat. 
She watched Steve jump looking back in the direction Liho had come from then to Liho her self as she tore the thin slices of ham up into smaller bites for Liho. Poor thing was starving.
“Where-whose cat is this?” Steve asked dumbfounded as Liho devoured the ham from his sandwich.
“Steve meet Liho, my traitor cat.” Liho slept with no one not even the Barton kids but her and she was incredibly picky, yet here she was, cozy as could be with Steve.
“Why were you and Liho in my bedroom?” Steve asked again as Liho went over to him head butting his stomach to get him to pet her.
“Because I asked Tony to put some wet food out for her while I was working and he let her get out. I told him she’s sneaky and can’t be trusted, but she still got out. I didn’t noticed until half an hour ago when I woke up and she wasn’t in bed. J.A.R.V.I.S. was the one who told me she’d made it in here. Not sure how long but I found her sleeping on your bed with you and not me.”
Liho seemed completely un-phased as she started purring as Steve paid her attention.
“Probably should have realized there was something in my bed, but Sam and I spent the last three days wide awake and I crashed.” He did look tired really tired.
“I know, I’m sorry I woke you, but she was about to use you as a bed and she likes to lay across your neck until you can’t breathe.” He frowned looking at the cat that was now propping herself up on his chest trying to paw at his face to get his attention back on her.
“So it’s true what they say, pets are their owners.”
“I resent that, I don’t own her, we live together.” Had for two years now.
“That why you refer to yourself as her mother?”
“Oh so you’re cheeky when your half asleep huh?” Truth was it was Clint who started that and it just snuck into her vocabulary.
“So you say. How come I never knew you had a cat?”
“There was no reason to tell you.”
“How did you manage that you were gone so much?”
“Oh Nick would watch her for me.” Steve raised an eyebrow at that and she laughed, “Don’t tell him I told you, but he is quite the cat person, has one himself, used to follow him around hang out at S.H.I.E.L.D. but she passed away a few years ago, so you wouldn’t have seen her.”
“Well alright then. Say what does Liho mean? It’s Russian but I don’t think I’ve heard it.”
“The embodiment of evil fate and misfortune.”
“That’s a terrible name for a cat.”
“Its supposed to be ironic, she’s been everything but for me. I can shut everyone out, but she still wiggles her way in. There are days where I can’t get out of bed, and if I have nowhere to be, I had no reason to, but she won’t let me. She cries and won’t leave me be until I get up, even runs to the shower because she likes to play with the water left in the tub and if I turn it on, I’m not going to waste water. Granted most people think that’s just her hungry and wanting to make a mess, but she’s been my reason for getting up now more than ever. God I felt so scared when I realized she was gone, and a little betrayed. I’m sorry I have no idea why I just told you all of that.”
She looked away from him then playing with Liho’s tail to get her attention.
“You know if I stop looking for him-for Bucky I sometimes think I might go insane. Nat we just destroyed the one infrastructure we had...animals know this.”
“Yeah they do. Last time I leave her with Tony.”
Steve laughed a little shaking his head.
“Not to speak i’ll of the man currently housing us for free, but he can barely feed himself Nat.”
“Yeah, I mean he did what I asked, he just underestimated her willingness to go outside.” Steve smiled at her giving Liho one last pet.
“So, we still on for Breakfast? I know it’s three am now, but I don’t know about you but I’m not going back to sleep.”
“I could go for something to eat, let me cook, I was going to already, but now I think I really should since I woke you up by breaking into your bedroom.”
“Sounds good to me. Come on Liho,” Steve picked her up and Liho settled into his arms like a ragdoll.
Natasha would later recall that as the night she started to fall for him, the way Liho reacted to him, like she was telling her Steve was it, he was the one.
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serenedash · 3 years
Text
I started rambling about my experience with kh and then it turned into khux and then it just turned into me rambling about Ryou and my art journey????? enjoy I guess,
it’s very long but there’s art in there :)
It’s funny to think about my kh journey as a whole tbh, I grew up watching my mom play video games, which included kh1 and 2. I wasn’t allowed to play the playstation2 we owned BUT I did have a gameboy so the first game I played was CoM (after my mom finished it ofc,) so I guess you could say I’ve always been passionate about kh “””side games””” lmao but I did fall off of kh very quickly bc again, I wasn’t allowed to play our PS2 and also I Am A Terrible Gamer I’ve Never Finished CoM I’m sorry you all had to find out like this, but then 358/2 came out when I was in middle school and!!! I didn’t care and I didn’t play idk why lol
Anyway, fast forward to high school I’m like 15 and my older sister, who HAS been keeping up with kh, has a wallpaper on her phone of roxas and ventus. And bc I haven’t kept up I say “nice roxas wallpaper” and she says “thanks but it’s roxas and ventus” and I proceeded to get so mad that I was determined to prove to her that her wallpaper was just roxas twice and then I fell down the BBS rabbit hole and suddenly I was reading about vanitas and then I’m reading the fan translations of the BBS novel and I’m crying??? I am sobbing???? and that’s how I actually got into kh for real lol we are vanitas stans before we are people,
It’s so funny how I thought I was some kh super fan, knowing all this stuff that I spent so long reading and rewatching cutscene movies, but I never once, SOMEHOW NEVER ever came across khx. It’s so absurd and bizarre I seriously have no idea how I never once encountered khx prior to khux. I suppose that has to do with the fact I wasn’t involved in the fandom? In early high school I had stepped away from fandoms as a whole and I didn’t have any interest in really posting content or interacting with fans anymore bc of how burnt out I was from a previous fandom,
but khux released! and I was so hype and excited for it! on launch day I was a senior in high school, I had ran around to every “nerd” and weeb I could find in school to ask them to join my party and fun fact about me is I have crippling social anxiety I literally refuse to start conversations irl so holy shit I was OUT HERE doing the MOST
My player just originally had my name (Matt) but everyone in my party had fun names so Ryou was born! High school was one big yugioh phase for me and ryou bakura is one of my favorite characters ever so it was just the logical name choice lol I quickly started creating Ryou, the character, as well. I was also leaving my homestuck phase and that + vanitas obsession made This character design (art circa 2016)
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If y’all are familiar with my kh oc’s you might notice that keyblade now belongs to my kid Monty LOL
Anyway that got scrapped quickly for the chip and dale outfit (which is where Ryou’s trademark goggles are from <3) Goggles have been a staple of my character designs for a LONG TIME so like, it had to be done, (that’s a separate ramble about a separate oc tho)
OG Ryou was an interesting guy; he was a young party leader with this overwhelming responsibility on his shoulders bc of his status as a party leader. In his original story, he also struggled heavily with darkness, much like Terra but for Ryou it was more that the darkness was controlling him and not like a source of power like it was for Terra
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A big part of early Ryou I kept, however, was the crushing awareness of loss. One of my party members (the strongest one at the time,) had left without saying a word and I was very confused and hurt. This was around the time the ephemera plot was happening so I decided to incorporate it into Ryou’s story; having him experience losing a friend to darkness since it’s so normal for wielders in Daybreak Town to just disappear, and this would unintentionally become a theme for both me and Ryou as khux friends would just randomly disappear.
I was desperate for khux at this point and I decided to watch the fan translations for khx and GOD, god, was I obsessed. I couldn’t stop thinking about the foretellers. And I’m not going off about that here bc I already did that, but I actually started entering fandom again! I did it slowly, I started on tumblr before this blog was made altho it was me sending anons to the few khux related blogs I could have lol a friend convinced me to get twitter where I got involved with the ffxv fandom, which led me to the kh fandom and eventually the khux fandom there which is what REALLY got me going on khux.
I joined discord servers, most of the servers I’m in are khux related, and from there I joined the khux oc rp (shout out to anyone there who might be reading this lol here’s some art from the beginning of the rp,)
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It’s SO FUNNY how the RP influenced me so heavily. I hadn’t RP’d in YEARS, I used to have a strict no oc rp policy, but here I was? And the funny part is, I had barely developed Ryou. I had scrapped his original story and all I had was POST WAR Ryou so I literally had to reverse write him; I had only ever written him as a depressed, guilt ridden adult, but it was a fucking blast and I have such fond memories of this rp when it was active,
But anyway, this encouraged me to get more serious about art! I started drawing, writing, cosplaying, and roleplaying when I hadn’t done any of that stuff in a very long time. The first time I ever drew a background was for a deviant art khux competition actually LOL
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also! I always think extremely fondly of the drawing I did of Aced in the keyblade war. It was also one of the first backgrounds I ever drew and it felt like my real starting point in the khux fandom. It got a ton of notes on here and someone wrote a tiny fic in a reblog which just made me SO HAPPY like it really felt like people were noticing me :) I was going to draw a matching Ira but!! I just never did!! One day tho, it’s on my art bucket list to redraw this along with Ira,
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Aside from my personal growth, khux was great for my social life ngl, I made SO MANY friends online and got to meet a ton of people irl over the years! It’s crazy to think about all the people I now know and talk to? It honestly makes me really emotional. I’ll never forget taking the train into NYC and meeting up with discord friends. Going to conventions and talking with people about the latest khux update? Absolutely insane and those were some GOOD TIMES, if I thanked every khux friend or even just person who made an impact on me then we’d be here for a LONG TIME,
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Fun fact, for my Lauriam cosplay all I needed to buy was the wig I just owned his outfit LOL also? Probably retiring that cosplay ngl people treated me like absolute garbage when I wore him and it led to a lot of confidence issues for awhile ngl. That’s probably one of the only memorable negative experiences I have with khux; it was great when khux people recognized me but for kh fans that weren’t in khux? They were FUCKING MEAN??? fuck kh fandom at large, I only care about khux fandom,
This leads me to another huge part of my experience in khux fandom: THEORIES!! I used to write SO MANY and oh my god my brain was so full all the time. It was a huge appeal for me in the fandom; I had been previously writing theory posts in the RWBY fandom and it just migrated over to khux for me lol I had done a ton of theorizing around Lauriam tbh, it was really the only reason I liked his character at all bc initially I did not care about the dandelions, anyone who wasn’t Skuld I was like “please leave Now thanks”
A funny part of khux fandom I never intended to be apart of is the MEMES, I really only started doing memes as stress relief bc college had me so busy all I had time/energy for was these quick little shit post drawings.
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The first meme I made, file name “invi despair” LOL we need to get her a girlfriend smh anyway, I think in my senior year of college I did a bunch of rapid fire memes all in one month bc the stress of finals was getting so bad afdgfhdgf as far as I know my impact on this fandom will be my memes bc all I do now is enter a kh/khux server and introduce myself and I go “yeah I draw art. here’s a meme” and everyone goes OH YOU, honestly I am nothing if not a clown
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I’ve talked so much idk where I’m going with this. Khux is just a good game even if the gameplay actually kind of really sucks yknow lol but it was the first game I played where I like, REALLY got into the meta and the mechanics. I used to read so much on the mechanics and watch youtube videos on which medals were worth pulling for. I was never a whale or a top player exactly, but I could rank well if I tried lol I’ve made it to the top 100 for solo rankings, my party has made it to top 10, and in pvp I’ve made top 300. I’m not the highest level in my party but FUCK do I know how to manipulate this game LOL
And with all that hard work, the strategies, the theorizing, the content I’ve made-- it’s been my life for 5 years. I’ve logged into khux almost every single day. At the end, I have logged 1820 days in khux out of 1910 days. Kinda crazy. Crazier I’ve never spent money on khux either lol the only “money” gone into it was one time my mom gave me a google play store gift card and I used it on my birthday for a VIP xemnas medal which eventually made it to regular pulls anyway but it was nice and a little treat :)
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I’m not a gacha fan, I don’t care for it, so I don’t think I’ll be touching another gacha again. But for kh? This was pretty fucking awesome, even if it sucked a lot sometimes LOL It was worth it for the people I’ve met most of all I think. I would honestly be a completely different person without khux and that’s REALLY insane to think about.
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