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#god if any of you knew what this is abt youd
ghostfacd · 4 months
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IN A WORLD FULL OF BOYS, HE’S A GENTLEMAN ! | TOM BLYTH
PAIRING. tom blyth x fem!actress!reader
SUMMARY. despite being in a world filled of childish boys, your boyfriend was definitely a gentleman, always putting you before him
AUTHORS NOTE. the third installment because we love tom blyth and yn avocot. I recommend reading part 1 and 2 for more context!
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tomblyth “babe, do you think we’re together in every universe?” is that even a question?
tagged @/ynuser
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ynuser stoppp i didn’t know youd actually take the question seriously
user1 get you a man like tom blyth bc oh my god
user2 idk what yn did to manifest him but i need her ways
user3 ugh idk what he’s doing with her lol he could do so much better
➥ user4 well someone had to say it..
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You didn’t understand how some people on the internet can be so . . . mean. Although there have been countless of fans cheering you and Tom on, it didn’t make it any less hurtful that there were still a ton who weren’t scared to be open about how much your boyfriend could do better.
It’s ironic; you think. They’re claiming they’re looking out for Tom, yet totally disregarding him and his girlfriend as human beings? Those weren’t real fans.
The reason for them hating you so much? Just for simply being with Tom. Everybody wanted him, that was your crime.
Everytime you got lost in your thoughts about this topic, Tom knew. Boyfriend instincts, he called them, but really, he was just a caring and observant person.
You tried not to break down over it, you really did, but a girl could only go on for so long before it all bursts out. Luckily, Tom pulls you right in, telling you to let it all out.
Although the world was filled with childish and hurtful beings, Tom Blyth was still who he was, a gentleman, attending to your every needs.
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tomblyth really dgaf if you like my girlfriend or not cause i do and that’s all that matters
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user5 im cryinf the polaroid he has of her
user6 YES REAL MEN STAND UP FOR THEIR GFS
user7 ALL THE PICS HE HAS OF HER 🥹🥹
tomblythswife oh to be yn avocot and be loved by tom blyth
rachelzegler tell ‘em 🙊
user8 she doesn’t even comment on the posts he makes abt her, so self centered lol
➥ ynuser I’m right next to him rn?? cant say the same thing about you “lol”
➥ user9 OH SHE ATE YOU UP @/user8
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tomblyth_daily here are some clips of tom talking about his relationship in his new interview! GET YOU A MAN THATS LIKE TOM BLYTH 🗣️🗣️🗣️
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user10 the way he’s so passionate when talking about her and being a good boyfriend, God I hate being single
user11 “they’re not even that cute” STFU AND GO WATCH THIS INTERVIEW CAUSE ??
user12 tom blyth said put aside your nonchalant attitudes, im looking at YOU MEN 🫵🫵
ilovetomblyth he’s so boyfriend it actually hurts
user13 yn must’ve saved a continent in her past life to be dating tom blyth omg
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ynuser girls, before you have a meltdown over a boy: think of what balleona laurent would do. kiss and manipulate coriolanus!
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tomblyth you kiss and manipulate me too
➥ ynuser you’re gonna get me CANCELLED
user14 literal unbothered icon i love her
user15 if i were her id post a tiktok with that audio “he chose me he don’t want you”
iloveyn SHES SO FUNNY
lionsgate us when behind the scenes photo of balleona 😻
➥ user16 lmao stop who’s the admin of lionsgate
user17 balleona is such a bad person but oh is she hot
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tomblyth she was like a shot of espresso
tagged @/ynuser
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ynuser i love u more than words can describe blyth
user18 ok who’s cutting onions
user19 GIRLS, GUYS, THEY THEMS, STOP SETTLING FOR BARE MINIMUM WHEN TOM BLYTH LITERALLY CALLED HIS GF A SHOT OF ESPRESSO, GIVES HER FLOWERS EVERYDAY, AND TALKS ABT HER ALL THE TIME IN HIS INTERVIEWS
➥ user20 YELL IT HARDER SISTER 👐👐👐
user21 this is so dark academica im inlove with u guys
user22 parentssss
rachelzegler my favorites
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ynuser SNOW LANDS ON TOP LOSERS
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tomblyth yn, i love you but
➥ user23 LMFAOO when he doesn’t finish his sentence
user24 the second pic thank u yn
joshandresrivera on top of u maybe
➥ user25 IM DYING OML
user26 thank you to lionsgate for casting the most hottest villain couple ever
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simping4-2manyppl · 8 months
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hiii !
So I had this request : 2008!bill kaulitz x singer!reader (the reader is like reallyyyy famous). Could you make a story abt their most iconic scandal please ? (I know my request doesn't have many details and isn't very clear but I have too many ideas, ily 💋)
Bill Kaulitz 🎤
Stalker
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Ok so i didn’t understand this request too much but i had such an amazing person help me so 🤭 here it is 😜! @nyxwritesshit (the amazing helper!!)
For a few weeks you’ve been getting weird things getting sent to you, it had started when you went to collect your fan mail and as you were going through the stack you found a special letter that caught your eye.
You were a bit weirded out by it since the letter showed old pictures of you or just unflattering pictures of you. It would also consist of a piece of paper in the letter explaining in deep detail of all the terrible things that would be done to you, and saying things about bill. Obviously most fans werent happy about your relationship but you didnt care, you were happy with him. But the letters obviously scared you a bit, so you called your boyfriend and asked him if he wouldn’t mind staying over.
He didnt. So when he went over to your place he asked if everything was alright, as a good bf does, you showed him the letter with the pictures and the writing.
“Oh my god.. i dont even have those pictures of you!” He said, trying to lighten up the mood. You laughed and hit his shoulder, “im serious! This really freaks me out!” You said, sighing.
“I know, if you want ill stay over and be with you as much as i can.” He said putting the letter down and giving you a hug.
You hugged him back and smiled at him, “thank you.” You said, looking up at him. He leaned down and gave you a quick peck on your lips.
“You’re welcome pretty girl.” He said, smiling back at you.
It was now a couple days since you had told bill about the letter and hes been with you every second of every day, trying to make you feel safe.
You were grateful, of course, but the letters didnt stop. You were scared to go out but bill assured you that everything would be fine, and that he would be with you the entire time.
You smiled and nodded, “thank you my love, i appreciate you so much!” You said, giving him a big hug.
He smiled and hugged you back, “anything for you mein schatz.” He says giving you a small peck on your cheek.
“Alright lets go yeah?” he said, holding your hand as you walked out of your apartment building. Bills bodyguards behind you, causing you to relax a bit more, knowing you were safe.
Usually youd have fans surround your building so you were used to it but as you were walking you noticed someone jump at you, screaming your name.
You turned to look at them and saw them approaching you, with a scary look on their face.
They grabbed your free arm and pulled you, making you scream out as they dug their nails into your skin, “THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR STEALING MY BOYFRIEND!” They said, punching you. You punched them back and pushed them off of you.
Before you knew it, you saw bill jumping onto the person, catching them off guard, making them land onto the floor.
Bill pinning them down as the body guards pulled bill off them, then grabbing the person.
Your jaw dropped, not expecting any of this to happen. “Oh my god, bill are you okay?” You said immediately running to him and making sure he wasnt hurt.
“Im fine, are you?” He said with a worried look on his face, “im fine, you didnt have to do that for me..” you said placing your hand on his cheek, “Of course i did, i wasnt going to let them hurt you.” He said frowning.
“Its all over, lets call the police and get this over with.” You said hugging him. “Yeah..” he said.
After the police got there and took the person away you went back with bill, thanking him non stop, which he just laughed at and said your welcome.
“Wow, i really need to get some bodyguards.” You said, letting out a small laugh, “yeah you do.” He said, also letting out a chuckle.
You smiled and hugged him, “you’re my hero, you know that?” You said, wrapping your arms around his neck.
He laughed and nodded, “just had to protect my beautiful girlfriend.” He said, smiling. You smiled back and leaned in, placing a small kiss on his lips.
“Ill forever be grateful for you meine liebe.” You said, giving him another soft kiss on the lips. He smirked and picked you up spinning you around, licking his teeth (how he does it in the gif!!) placing his lips onto yours.
Later on you found out the news got ahold of the situation, making it a big deal, and totally taking it out of context, but they usually did that, and you knew for future interviews they would ask what really happened so you knew you could speak out about it and explain what REALLY happened. But right now you were comfortable, cuddling with your bf, his head on your chest and you couldnt wish for anything better.
HEYY SO I HOPED MY POOKIES LIKED THIS, IDK THID REQUEST WAS A BIT CONFUSING BUT I TRIED MY BEST 💗💗 I HOPE U GUYS ENJOYED THIS ILY ALL SM 🤭🫶🏼
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gettinshiggywithit · 1 year
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!Bakugou with a reader who has a “hyper feminine pink sanrio themed room"!
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scenario:-bakugou with a reader who has a sanrio themed room and is scared to show him~
pairing:- bakugou x gn!reader
this was written for @cloudy-zephyr who has allowed me to post it here!
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You were the pinky pink one if the bakusquad
Okay so was mina but like YOU were mainly the pink sanrio one
Soo everyone was PRETTY FUCKIN CONFUSED when u and bakugou ended up dating
Everyone wondered how the hello kitty kid managed to snag the orange and black colour scheme dominated explosion murder god
But despite everyone’s whispers,yall were a happy couple
Bakugou never made u feel like ur likes were TOO feminine or like it annoyed him
But u made sure that he didnt come to ur room often
Makin sure that if he was pickin u up for dates youd be ready five mins before he came to immediately come out the door without him getting a peak inside
You really REALLY liked bakugou and you didnt want to lose him over something as ‘silly’ as an ‘overly feminine pink sanrio themed room’
But one fine day(as fate would have it!)you fell asleep at his place after a movie with the bakusquad
He was all for u spending the night but his friends were just bein too dam loud😑
So he did the very rational normal thing of pickin u up (bridal style!) and takin u to ur room
He had a key of his own,for emergencies ofcc.
And the moment he stepped in and (somehoww) switched on he light,he was BLINDED by colour
And well
SANRIO
he looked around curiously as you lay asleep in his arms and just as he was abt to place u on ur pink cinnamonroll-sheet-clad bed u tightened ur grip on his arm(when did u grab his armm???) he knew pulling away would wake u
It always did,you could just sense eachother like that
Even in sleep
So he saw no other choice but to climb on in
He switched off ur lil lamp and got into ur bed
The introduction of his weight to the bed causing plushies to spill out off the bed and onto the floor
Luckily they didnt make a sound
And just like that he fell asleep while studying ur room even in the darkness
The next morning you were confused as to how u hd gotten back to ur room and when you looked to ur right u saw how...
FUCK was the first word to cross it mind
But bakugou seemed to be peacefully asleep so u decided to either just not address it or address it later
Later in the day when u woke up he was gone, a lil note left on ur bedside table telling u he went out
And when he got back you seemed nervous and on edge
This
Worried him
You were always so cool and chill but now you were the exact opposite
He dropped the bag that he was holding and rushed over to you,cupping your face
"What happened?"
"Nothing, dont worry"
"y/n...."
"Okayy i just okqy its stupid but i just didnt want u to see my room cos like i dont wanna piss you off and annoy you and then lose you and-"
"Woah woah woah. Lose me???? y/n im not gonna leave u ovet a fuckin decoration style choice whatever its called"
"I love you for YOU not ur room"
You looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but sincerity and determination
"Okay🥺"
"Oh and," he said as he went back to the bagel he’d dropped
"This is for you,"
You took the bag with a suspicious look and a thank you
You opened it and lo and behold
SANRIO PLUSHIESSS
you were ECSTATIC
You jumped into his arms and kissed him all over his face(like in those silly lil cartoons)
"THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUU I LOVE YOU KATSUKIIIIIII"
pfft I love you too y/n he said with a half smile and little laugh
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please dont repost my work here as your own on any platform all rights belong to me except that of the characters used,their right belong to their respective owners.but these stories? mine.
feedback,likes,reblogs and comments are so very appreciated tbh :’)i hope you enjoyed and ill catch ya next time!
Comments & Reblogs w/ tags >>>>>>>>>>>likes please
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ivanzplaid · 2 years
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Can I have some head cannons for Otis Driftwood, The Grabber, Thomas Hewitt and the Sinclair brothers if you write for them with a male s/o who whenever they do something wrong, break something, set a boundary etc they start apologizing profusely kind of in fear due to past partners? I understand if this is kinda too dark
TYSMM🫶🫶 i love this sm, of course i can do those! but fr thank you for this request, its refreshing to have not just a grabber request, and dw, this isnt too dark, ive done worse 🫡 and x male readers r my fave to write for!!
i dont know how to feel abt these so they might be ooc but i hope not too much, i need to get a feel for them more💔 this made me watch house of wax and i found out i love bo LMFAOO
alsooo, i reached 200 followers!! tysmm!!!! i have smth planned, sooo if youd like smth written, ask and ill tell yall what im thinkin
requests r open, masterlist is up!!! these motivate me ilyg :)
Warnings: Murder mentions, Slight language / anger, mainly fluff
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Otis Driftwood
my god he is just head over heels for you, but will make snarky comments to cover it up, doesnt want to show it alot so hes compensates
youve been living with him for a while now, he is so happy to have you, when its just you two he sarcastically tells you how much you mean to him, and will hold you protectively
he is a very protective man
he never really made you feel self conscious about fucking something up, he might make fun of you lightly or let out a "oh for fucks sake" before cleaning jt up, but he was normally just sarcastic, never staying pissed
one night, yall were asleep on his bed together, his arm rested nicely against your stomach, fitting perfectly
you got thirsty, so you carefully maneuvered yourself to get up
its so fucking dark in his room, you cannot see shit
not even two steps off the bed, you hit something, and it clatters to the floor
you can already feel the tears swelling up as you breath faster
you knew what you knocked over
otis's painting he was working on
even just thinking about the consequences made you sob quietly while standing there, afraid to wake him up
this however did wake him up, hearing his boyfriend cry when he was asleep made his senses heightened, all he heard from your dark figure was a small "im so sorry, please dont be mad, i didnt mean to" which was paused by hiccups & sniffling frequently
"what the fuck- oh, oh shit. hey handsome, its alright, just sit over here and tell me why the crying?"
rubs your back, hands & shoulder a lot as you tell him, hes tired and just wants to make you feel better, but the more you sob & talk, the more curious he gets, so he pops the question
"why the hell are you saying sorry so much?"
he didnt mean to put it like that, he knows it was an accident, but his phrasing isnt always the best
however, he is wide awake once youve explained everything, your past, your ex, what they did, and as he sits there quietly listening, he is only seeing red
he thinks so highly of you, why the fuck would anyone do this to you?
he wants the names of them, he is determined to come across them, and inflict nothing short of torture, you didnt deserve any of that
he'll lay off on his famous comments, respecting what he just learned, he doesnt want to lose you, so he adapts his usual demeanor so you arent afraid of him, true fear is reserved for his victims
he praises you a lot since learning it, reassuring you quietly & in his own little ways
he does his best to understand, word will get around the family, and everyone understands, mama is literally so sympathetic towards you & baby likes to talk shit alot abt them with your permission
"I'm so sorry Otis, this is all my fault,"
"Hey there prettyboy, its fine, no need for the crying here!"
//
The Grabber
he is all ears
obviously he has a short temper, but if you get a chance to talk, or to explain yourself, he changes immediately
holding you close, stroking your hair, kissing your forehead
you mightve broken a plate, or smashed a bottle, but he assured you he is going to clean it up, and to mind your steps so you dont cut yourself anywhere
just like otis he wants to hurt them, he should be the only one to make you cry, make you hurt, but not like this
"youre still a good boy, it was a mistake! mistakes are inevitable my dove."
setting a boundary after hearing your past will make him more lenient, easing up on whatever it is, wanting to make you feel more loved by him than anyone else
will be happy you shared this with him, in his mind hes satisfied youre trusting him more! what a fun day!
thinks no differently of you after you shared this, hes happy his boyfriend is comfortable around him, hes happy youre in his life, and now he knows how to please you more!
"Al, thank you for.. understanding everything, its a lot I know, but-"
"You are special, peach. I would do anything to make you comfortable in our home."
//
Bo Sinclair
being a good boyfriend and setting aside his asshole tendencies
he is doing his best, and his best is actually pretty ok
you might've accidentally messed up his workspace, or made some type of boundary, but no matter what, he shows you the upmost respect, at first he was going to tease you, but seeing how upset you were made him pause
"Darlin', don't put too much thought into it, I promise ya I didn't take it to heart,"
he puts an arm around your shoulder or cups your cheek in his hand, rubbing circles on your skin, one of the few times he shows an excessive amount of pda
he follows your boundaries immediately, no questions or doubts about it, will curse to himself if he accidentally crosses it
if you try to apologize profusely, he will first tell you that its fine, hes not angry, kissing your cheek, but if you keep on going, hes going to make you know its fine, whatever he sees fit is what he'll do, he wants you to know he wont hurt or make you feel bad, may get internally frustrated but he cuts it out fast
i can see him at night, once every blue moon, slow dancing with you to show how much he loves you, and how youre still his #1 even after mistakes, this is a rare moment for the both of you, cherish it, but he will be picking the music
king of knowing when youre upset but he will wait to see how upset you are, can read you easily so he has an idea of what to do
hearing your boundaries makes him understand you more, he is may act like a dick, but will take a moment out of his day and listen to what you need to feel loved
bribes lester to see if he can get the ex into town to get his hands on them
"This is alot, I shouldn't be so sensitive about these things,"
"Sweets, this helps me love you more,"
//
Vincent Sinclair
#1 boyfriend right here
he will gaze into your eyes as you talk about it or apologize
wants to hold you ( if youre alright with it ) while you tell him
saying sorry to him makes him feel bad for some reason, he knows you didnt mean to make the mistake, he doesnt want you to hurt
might aswell dream abt making them a wax figure but discarding them, they arent good enough to be put anywhere
if you happen to break something in his little spot, he will think of how it can be replaced, knows how to calm himself down easily so he can communicate with you ( to the best of his abilities )
healthy relationship🙏 ( the most caring you could get for a sinclair brother )
is not afraid to show you how he isnt mad at you, likes for you to spend time with him, sitting while he works, or if you dont prefer that, then having you around while he works with the wax, or just taking a walk with him to calm you down
is a little taken aback at how much youre apologizing, very curious man
will give you things taken from victims, no remorse, less wax, win-win!
//
Lester Sinclair
he.. tries his best
he listens, he focuses on you and nods, showing you that he is in fact paying attention
he does not have the best memory ever, please remind him, he will remember instantly and apologize
"Sorry toots, my memory is a little faded,"
he is so sincere though, he means good intentions
whenever you begin to over apologize he suggests taking a car ride with him, or finding a nice place to sit in peace so you two can talk it out
goofiest damn smile, warms the heart
he can communicate pretty well, better than bo
if you let him, he'll lay down with you while putting an arm around your shoulder, saying how good of a boyfriend you are, how happy he is with you, mainly words of affirmation
really just wants to make you happy, he will do anything
"I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed right now.."
"Wanna take a ride, maybe outta here for a bit?"
-------------------------------------------
im too tired to release a fic tonight, but ill post one tmrw for the requests im getting dw!! again, i cannot tell if this is ass or not so all notes r lit🫡
requests r opennn masterlist is uppp🫶
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mamawasatesttube · 11 months
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just read house of kent arc and. hmmm. many thoughts mixed feelings. its like... it was an overall pretty nice superfam story and the clois+jon parts in particular were solid and good, and i care them, but man. everything abt kon's storyline in there and them trying to figure out his whole deal just really got used as a framing device and not an actual plotline... which i mean i kind of expected bc hes not the main character but at the same time the way its just entirely sorta handwaved as "oh well no answers but its cool!" is kinda frustrating. but of course that does come with the caveat that i generally just do not like rebirth kon's setup and storyline.
i just cant fucking get over this sentiment kon expresses outright here... clark is trying but jesus the situation is so existentially fucked up. hey man your grandparents remember you but no one else you knew including the rest of the supers does bc you never existed here. also we randomly threw in some stuff about how you might lose all your powers for some reason? but anyway at least youve got the farm buddy :)
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(it's also frustrating re: kon's arc and general situation bc bendis is just not very consistent w explaining it. cassie remembers yj existing somehow, ma and pa remember kon when they see him, but clark never does. this is explained as him having memory issues bc of having universe-jumped so much, but if that was actually the case then youd think the random people in yj19 who kon meets, like the security worker who asks if he's jon, would also recognize him like ma and pa did. and then there's the way tim and steph supposedly have magically repressed memories, only steph's never return the way tim's do, but it's never brought up again? and tim only recovers these memories when zatanna gets around the block in his head but we just never find out what put that there to begin with, nor do we ever discuss any narrative impact of it so its kind of like well what was the point ...? why establish tim having this when cassie doesn't??? is it just to explain the previous tim line about conner's name "tugging on his heart" without having to bother saying anything similar about cassie and simply brushing her aside there to focus on tim's memories??? idk. there is just so little consistency around any of this. which i knew going in but also GOD. comics im on my knees im begging)
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blackvail22 · 7 months
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also (this is my third or fourth post within a 30 minute timeframe btw) my dad made me uncomfortable tdy because i went to my room when my mom started yelling (by coincidence tbh i just wanted to lay down bcos i had a headache and was tired and i have no couch/sofa in my living room) and when i went down for dinner he kept asking me "what did mom say to make you mad. i know her. i know you" and it truly just made me uncomfortable and unsafe and he seemed a little drunk so itd make sense hed do that and im scared that my dad is going to cross a boundary now that i confide in him more than my mom
what doesnt help is my past!!! i have been groomed online multiple times, and--i cant believe im saying this--lying about my age saved me once. i told them i was the same age i told you (sometimes id say 16 which was SO obviously a lie). this one guy, his name was pierce (allegedly), told me "my dad needs a photo of your birth certificate in order for me to keep talking to you" (this guy was 20 AT LEAST. why would he need parental approval?) because i lied abt my age and name, OBVIOUSLY i was panicking. i thought abt doing it ngl. i was like "how am i supposed to change my birth certificate to say im am who im saying i am?" and then i thought "how the hell am i supposed to access an important document that my mom has wo her looking through my phone again?" so i was like "no. i cant do that" and he got all mad and was like "well im blocking you then" and i said "thats fine. im not even supposed to be talking to you anyways" i remember the exact date and where i was exactly during all of it and what i did afterwards (watch the heathens mv by twenty one pilots, it happened the same day as publication around 2pm)
god, pierce was such a weird guy. i forgot about him until recently. i met him on minecraft after my parents "banned" me from roblox. in minecraft he'd make me roleplay with him but like... yk... it was weird. he would make us write everything in a book and he would store all of them in a chest (there was at least 40 books of this). there was a time (i regret this so deeply) he asked me for my phone number, and i gave it to him. from then we would text each other a lot, and we would skype. i dont have any recollection of him ever talking when on skype. i think he would type everything out, making it weirder. also, i had the squeeky little kid voice so he obviously knew i wasnt however old i told him i was (i think 16). also, i very much DID NOT look that old either. i still have the photos from then... i looked so young. i could see 12, maybe? bur 16? no. i had a power outage once, making me unable to use my phone for a few hours. i had a panic attack because i was so afraid of him being upset with me (he was) and he threatened to kill himself. i didnt want to do any of the things he told me to do. i didnt want to hear any of the sexual comments he would make about me. i didnt want him to talk about how much he wanted to make me have a big family and enact all of *that* out. i didnt deserve to be treated like that, and i shouldve listened to my parents when they told me to block his number. i feel so responsible for everything that happened to me back then and even with the more recent events. i kept saying no but he kept going on about it. i shouldve just blocked them. i shouldn't have kept him in my life any longer than b told me to. i just liked the company and i didnt want to be lonely again... i didnt want it all to end up this way... *that* way. if i think abt it, i wouldnt have been bullied so extensively or experienced that thing his friend did (and they both said i was a whore) (*side note i never talked abt the thinf his frkend did and i truly do not want to talk abt the specifics!!!!!) and sometimes i think theyre right. i still have the messages from last year when he reached out to me. "i cant have forced you to do anything when im online!!!" u did though. if i blocked u or unadded you youd blow up our friends forcing them into the situation bcos u knew theyd be on ur side and theyd bully me or find a way to con me into talking to u. if i told u no, i dont want you to do that, i dont want to do that, youd call me a bitch and a whore and wouldn't stop begging for it after i said no and making me do it/go with it to make you shut the fuck up. are there a lot of things i said that i regret? yes, absolutely. honestly if he spread screenshofs out of context i would 100% be called a whore, a liar, and that i wanted it. but i only did it to make him shut up n not be pissed!!!!! seeing his name on a church sign in my town makes me shut down every time. he traumatized me NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED he traumatized me, in more ways than just that one. it truly reversed my progression by a lot. i cant talk abt it ever because i feel like no one will believe me or blame me for it.
anyways this all contributed to the changing and and scarring of my perspective of relationships--platonic, romantic... theyre all ruined for me. i always have a wall up now, and my ex did not help that at all! actually made it quite worse. im more vulnerable when it comes to the things i like, and im extremely careful when i make decisions that involve other people. whenever someone is extremely quiet near me, i start to panic. whenever i talk about my day, im scared people will not care about anything i have to say. they dont have to care, but its nice to have ppl care every once in a while
anyways ive been typing for 20 minutes now bcos im on my phone. its nearly midnight and i have to be at the hospital at 9am for my prodecure that is at 11am. im terrified but its okay
toodles!
wait no song time
d4vd has so many good songs he's def in my top 10!
okie byebye 😁
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nervousndepressd · 1 year
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i think about you alot. its bad for me. you creep into my thoughts and i get anxiety. it pains me. i think about harming you. nevr physically, its always meta, like hurting ur art or hurting ur image or ur soul. as damaged as it already is. i nver actually want to though, its just coping mechanism to get through the pain. maybe if u felt it id be untraumitized.
 i want to heal to be rid of this pain. i dont want to think about you. its just that my love ran so deep, like poisonous vines they wraped around my heart my lungs, spreading so wide and taking root in places i never knew existed. weed killer isnt enough.
what else to say. ive never really spoken about u to others, never about what you did. ive admitted to my wrongs to my love our love. it feels embarressing, that im still hhung up on this like im a child. its been years my gods. im different ive gone through things ive loved since you and hurt and felt and lived. but your pain aches me. 
id run and hide if i saw you, i mean i did before and my day was fucked. i was with someone i liked and they joked abt giving you a ride. it hurt cause they didnt know how i felt. i tried to explain it but i mean how. how do i explain it all. being betrayed so greatly by a childhood friend. ur first love stabbing you in the heart. i just wish it never happened at all at times. so many reminders all over this city
im leaving soon, im sure youd be happy to know. we can have cities to ourselves. no town is big enough for the both of us. 
itll feel so nice leaving my home to get coffee uninterrupted with the feeling of u being around any corner or on a patio. ill heal in time from all of this i know. its so fucked up you left me with all of this. i know i left you with shit that hurts too. we really had sweet love at one point. i wish i could remember just that and move on. its not possible. i dunno if im capable of giving that kind of love again. 
idk if i can trust how i trusted you. i felt so safe, and my own safety hurt me. i wonder if i deserved it. maybe it was punishment like how ive felt my whole life, that pain is my natural state. tht pain is how the gods intended it all to be.
in the end, my rational self wishes you well. that you find warmth from the cold and eat good food. that ur family shows u great unconditional support. that u give back, i know the arts been good. you were always my biggest inspiration. i have to stop myself from viewing ur art because it will pain me. i tell myself uve fallen off and its all bad now so that i dont give it a peak. i hope i see it one day tho. in the wild up in a musuem. and i can interact with this stranger i once knew from a distance. i can sit and say silly pretentious words about the composition and subject. i can laugh, i can move on. you can become a once painful thought thats turned into a memory like any other. taken for good and bad. 
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grapesodatozier · 3 years
Text
so close to the real thing (closer than you think)
rating: explicit
word count: 6.8k
summary: Eddie's been pining over Richie for as long as he can remember. He loves everything about Richie; especially how much Richie loves touching him. It's a little inconvenient, though. Eddie copes with his pent up sexual tension by constantly checking a porn blog he's obsessed with on tumblr. This guy has the same type of body as Richie, he talks like Richie, his name is even Richie! It makes it all too easy for Eddie to pretend it really is Richie while getting himself off to all of the blog's content.
You'll never guess what he finds out when he starts sexting this stranger named Richie from his anonymous porn blog.
tags: friends to lovers, porn with feelings, love confessions, dom/sub dynamics, bi dom top richie, gay sub bottom eddie, the most oblivious pining idiots in the world lol we love them
notes: this is one of my more ridiculous ideas but I had so much fun with it lol. also as a note you probably should not approach people on the internet the way they do in this fic, but they're just v enthusiastic and everything here is v consensual!! still tho definitely don't take this indulgent fic as a guide on how to approach real people online lmao. okay have fun!!
read on ao3 or below!!
notsfw under the cut
Eddie Kaspbrak’s friends were his entire world; time spent with them meant everything to him. But he also really valued his alone time. He’d always been the sort who needed time to just sit on a grassy hill and watch the trains go by, to catch up on comics in his room, to get lost in Netflix shows or even just his thoughts as he moseyed around his apartment—one he live in by himself, for when these moods hit. He needed time to himself to unwind. And sometimes he unwound by scrolling through some porn blogs on tumblr with his hand in his pants.
There was one blog that he was particularly fond of. There were other blogs more catered to his personal interests, namely blogs that didn’t feature women like this one did. But there was a good balance of genders represented, so Eddie figured he could just scroll past those posts. This guy was worth it. His pictures were ridiculously hot, and his dirty talk was even hotter.
Also, his name was Richie. Which Eddie refused to acknowledge as part of the draw.
It was harder to ignore tonight. He’d been out with the losers, and Richie had just been so touchy. And there was something about the way he'd been talking; his voice was lower than normal, slower in a way that made Eddie’s stomach flip. And his touches had lingered, his hand squeezing Eddie’s hip slow, then lazily brushing against his ass as he dropped it. Eddie could hardly take it. He brushed it off as Richie just being tired from work, but god, Eddie wanted it to mean more. The hardest part was hiding how much he wanted Richie to keep doing it.
There were so many things Eddie wanted Richie to do to him. He wanted Richie to touch him harder, to grab him by his hips with both hands. Richie’s hands were so big; Eddie just knew Richie could manhandle him so easily, so roughly. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have Richie’s hands all over him, grabbing at his ass and his thighs, holding his wrists down, making him feel so small. While Eddie would never admit it, huffing at every short joke Richie made, but he loved being shorter than Richie. He loved how safe he felt when Richie held him. And he was dying to know how small he would feel with Richie looming above him, or sitting in Richie’s lap, bouncing on his cock. He wanted to hear Richie talking to him in that low, slow voice, with that condescension Eddie did his best to pretend not to be affected by. He wanted Richie to whisper in his ear and call him all those pretty names he always dropped so casually, all those sweet ones and also ones that were a lot meaner. He wanted Richie to want him.
But it was easier to think about it than to ask for it. He knew Richie had way more experience than him. Well, okay, maybe not way more necessarily, but they were starting their third year of college, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Eddie, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything more than hand stuff with someone else. The guys he’d hooked up with were nice enough, and hot enough, but they just… weren’t Richie.
He supposed this guy on tumblr wasn’t Richie either, but at least he was everything else Eddie wanted. None of his hookups had been so, well, dominant, and that was this guy’s whole thing. He was dominant and a top and into guys that looked like Eddie. He even kind of talked like Richie, and he was apparently pining over his best friend, just like Eddie was. It had him completely smitten. Plus, internet-Richie’s crush had brown eyes like Eddie, and he ran track, just like Eddie did. Internet-Richie had posted once about his dick getting hard watching his friend at his track meet, and Eddie had come so hard that night, his track shorts around his ankles, imagining his Richie thinking those things about him.
Eddie was in bed now, in nothing but his boxers and one of Richie’s old shirts that had been Eddie’s for a while now. Still reeling from the way Richie had been acting that night, he logged into his porn account on his phone and scrolled through his dash for a grand total of thirty seconds before going immediately to internet-Richie’s blog. A thrill went through Eddie’s body when he saw that he had just posted. He’d written, “god my friends gonna fuckn kill me with that ass, i wanna plow him so bad” then reblogged it and added, “reminder that my asks and dms are always open if any pretty needy little subs need help getting off. please come be sluts in my messages.” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat when he saw that there was a picture, too, one of him gripping his hard cock, his boxers pulled down just enough for Eddie to see the dark hair around the base of his cock. Eddie moaned at the sight. His cock was so nice, so long and thick and pink. And fuck, his fingers. They were so long and slim, almost as nice as his-Richie’s.
Eddie scrolled a little farther down, his heart racing. There were a lot of reblogs, but some original posts here and there, things like, “what i wouldn’t do to have a pretty guy drooling all over my cock rn,” and, “in the mood to get someone dick drunk. wanna fuck a someone so hard they forget their own name.” One that made Eddie nearly choke said, “want someone i can pump my come into whenever i want, over and over again. want a sub i can keep full of my come all the fuckn time.” That post had Eddie getting out his lube.
It also had him thinking about internet-Richie’s most recent post, his post about his DMs being open.
Eddie bit his lip and thought about it. He’d sent internet-Richie some asks before from his porn blog (his blog didn’t have his name on it, just the teddy bear emoji, since he privately thought the teddy/Eddie rhyme was fun and clever, and also it was cute), and he’d seemed plenty happy enough to respond then. Still, it felt like a much bigger step to DM him, to talk to him just one on one. But the more he read his posts, the more he thought about his-Richie and how he’d touched Eddie that night, the easier it was to convince himself to shoot his shot with this stranger.
Eddie just messaged him a simple, “hi,” with a heart emoji. It was innocent enough, but his heart was still racing.
Internet-Richie responded a lot faster than Eddie was expecting. Honestly he hadn’t been expecting a response at all. But he said:
hiya cutie (; ive been hoping youd message me
Eddie flushed. He couldn’t help but hear cutie in his-Richie’s voice—especially given how often Richie used the nickname. really? he typed back.
fuck yes, ur cute little messages make me so hard. i can tell ur a pretty little thing just from the way you type
Eddie was blushing deep. Pretty little thing. That was hotter than it should’ve been. He wanted his Richie to talk to him like that, in that deep, sleepy voice.
there’s no way you can tell that from some messages :P, Eddie sent.
His heart stopped at the next messages internet-Richie sent.
oh, u dont think so?
why dont u send me some pics to prove me wrong (;
Oh my god, Eddie thought, his breath coming short. His head swam at the thought of sending this guy nudes, of showing himself off to someone who clearly wanted to see him, who would know how to take care of him and fuck him the way he liked, a guy with his crush’s fucking name and body type and hands. It had Eddie’s cock hard and leaking, and he slowly slid a finger inside of himself.
But just because the thought turned him on didn’t mean he was gonna send this stranger what he wanted so easily, even if he desperately wanted to.
you’d like that, wouldn’t you?
He fingered himself open as he waited for a response, working his way up to two fingers. It was nearly impossible to ignore his cock, but he didn’t want to come before the conversation even had a chance to start.
fuck ya i would, internet-Richie responded. Then, in a second message, whats wrong baby? you shy? ill show u mine ;)
Eddie's breath caught. God, this guy even made stupid shit sound hot, just like Eddie’s Richie. This was unreal.
i’ve seen yours, Eddie pointed out.
ya and you musta liked it if ur messaging me rn
Eddie bit his lip. ...maybe
aw thats cute sweetheart. u know i can see all the needy little tags you add when u reblog my stuff right?
Eddie blushed. He’d kind of always hoped he’d read them, but he never thought he actually did. i didn’t know you read those
oh ya, read them, jerk off to them. bit of a size queen, aren’t you? ;) it’s cute. makes me so fuckn hard when u talk abt how u want me to fill you up
Eddie whimpered out loud, sliding a third finger into himself. Fuck, he wanted that cock inside of him so bad. But right now one of his toys would have to do, once he was stretched out enough. He sped up his fingers, getting impatient. Gathering up all of his horny courage, he sent, show me.
what, no please? only good boys who use their manners get dick pics babydoll
Eddie pouted and whined to himself, making quick work of sliding his hot pink vibrator inside of himself—well, as quickly as he could without hurting himself. He moaned as it filled him up, making pleasure spread deep through his body. Slowly pumping it in and out, he reached for his phone. please, he typed, please let me see? wanna know what to picture while i fuck myself with my vibrator. He even added the wide eyed pouting emoji to really milk the whole begging thing. He knew he’d been playing a little coy, but now with the way internet-Richie was talking to him he was getting desperate.
well fuck baby since ur begging ;)
Eddie held his breath as he waited for the picture, slowly rocking his toy in and out, savoring the feeling. He wished it was Richie doing it, wished it was his cock. The lines between which Richie blurred; he wanted to get fucked by either of them, both of them.
What Eddie received when his phone lit up was not a picture, but a video. It was short, just a few seconds of Richie’s hand dragging wetly, smoothly over his cock, but it had Eddie drooling. The room was dark, so he’d used a flash, and it made the mix of what Eddie assumed was precome and spit glisten as the swollen head of Richie’s cock disappeared and reappeared from behind his fingers. Eddie must’ve played it at least five times, fucking himself a little faster, before remembering to say something back. And to take a video of his own. fuck, I want you so bad, want you to fucking ruin me, he wrote back. A part of him couldn’t believe how openly desperate he was being, but he found that he liked it; he liked the way it made him blush, he liked the way it felt to beg, to ask for what he wanted.
Richie’s response came fast: show me kitten. show me how you want me to fuck your pretty little ass.
Eddie moaned at the pet name; casual little nicknames were such a weakness for him. He was already so far gone, just picturing Richie’s cock inside of him, picturing him stroking his cock to thoughts of Eddie. The attention had his cock hard and leaking as he thrust his vibrator even deeper inside of himself, pumping it in and out a few more times before rolling over and getting on his hands and knees. It was hard to take a video from this angle, but he wanted to show off his ass and hide his face. Plus, there was something so hot about having his ass in the air and his face shoved in his pillow, looking like the perfect image of someone desperate to be fucked. He loved the way it made him feel, loved the thought of being so open for someone. For Richie.
He ended up shooting a short video as well, about ten seconds of him sliding his vibrator slowly in and out of himself, letting out soft little moans. He was pretty pleased with the way it turned out, his hole pink and smooth and wet as it stretched around his toy. The angle was a little weird, showing a lot of his room once or twice when his hand slipped a little, but overall he thought his ass looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He sent it and said, feels so good. do you want me to go faster?
As he sent it, he got settled on his back, forcing himself to go slow as he fucked himself while he waited for internet-Richie’s response. It was taking longer than before, and Eddie was getting antsy; it was so hard to drag it out, to not get ahead of himself. But whatever Richie was doing, Eddie knew it would be worth the wait. Still, he pouted as his cock ached, begging for attention.
He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.
He groaned to himself and stayed put, fucking himself even slower as he waited for whoever it was to leave. But then the knocking continued, loud and incessant and obnoxious, and Eddie knew exactly who it was. He also knew he wasn’t going to go away any time soon, which honestly made him smile and blush. Richie had terrible timing, but Eddie would never be upset to see him.
Reluctantly, he slowly slid the toy out and pulled on his shorts, leaving his shirt off. He still had a pretty obvious boner, but his horny brain did not mind the idea of Richie seeing it. So he strode lazily down the hall, shouting a performatively annoyed, “I’m coming!” Finally, he opened the door, cocking his hip to the side and giving Richie an expectant look. “Can I help you?” he asked, a small smile dancing around the corner of his lips. He had to fight off a smirk at the wide eyed look Richie gave him as he ran his eyes over Eddie’s body.
“Fuck,” he muttered lowly, his eyes trained on Eddie’s cock, which was getting even harder the more Richie stared. Eddie bit his lip and grinned a little, making doe eyes at Richie. But Richie didn’t meet his gaze—instead he brushed past Eddie, his mouth still hanging open as he made his way urgently toward Eddie’s bedroom.
“Richie?” Eddie asked, a little let down that Richie’s hands weren’t all over him right now. But hey, if he was heading to Eddie’s bedroom he figured that was at least the right direction. He closed his front door and followed Richie into his room, where he found him staring at the bright pink vibrator on the bed. As confident and horny as Eddie was feeling, that still made him blush. He was only human. Crossing his arms, he said, bashful now, “I was kind of in the middle of something.”
Richie looked over at him, his cheeks bright red under his freckles. Then he got a glimmer of that trademark shit-eating grin on his face. “Eds, you fucking slut,” he said, sounding both delighted and breathless. “You are so fucking hot.”
Eddie flushed and tried not to squirm, but he couldn’t help but press his legs together, his eyes brightening. Fuck, was this actually happening? Shit, he needed to think of something witty to say. “You gonna do anything about it?” Okay, that kinda sounded like a corny porn, but he had to give himself credit for even being able to form words just after his lifelong crush and personal wet dream had just admitted his attraction to him.
“I think I already have been,” Richie said, still grinning.
Eddie cocked an eyebrow at him. He couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”
Eddie was expecting a confession. He was expecting something along the lines of you think I don’t notice how you look at me? or did you really think those were casual touches earlier? What he was not expecting was for Richie to unlock his phone and hold it up, showing Eddie the video he had just taken, the video he’d sent to internet-Richie.
Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.
“Oh my god, that’s you?” Eddie cried in disbelief.
“You’re telling me you didn’t recognize this dick?” Richie asked, swaggering over to Eddie, clearly enjoying himself.
“How did you recognize it was me?”
Richie nodded toward the Thundercats poster on Eddie’s wall, then to the model train that sat on his dresser. “What other guy has decor like that and the ass to match?”
Eddie grinned and shook his head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Well pardon me for not being especially eloquent when I’ve just learned that the guy I’ve been masturbating to since I learned how to and been in love with for even longer has been masturbating to me too.”
Eddie’s eyes went wide, all thoughts of getting fucked leaving for a moment. “You’re in love with me?” he asked, his voice as soft as his smile.
Richie was not a bashful person, but the little laugh he let out just then was close to it. “Have been my whole life, but thanks for finally noticing.”
Eddie shook his head and stepped closer, until he had to crane his head up to meet Richie’s gaze. “I love you too.”
Richie’s eyes widened behind his thick frames. Eddie had only seen that look in Richie’s eyes a few times before, but he never wanted to lose sight of it again. He always wanted Richie to look at him like that. But then Richie was closing his eyes and leaning down. It only took Eddie a second to get with the program, drinking in the moment just a little longer before letting his own eyes fall shut as he pressed his lips against Richie’s.
It started gentle enough, if deep and passionate and intentional. But then Richie’s hands were on Eddie’s bare waist, skin against skin, and Eddie was gasping into Richie’s mouth, his hands coming up and resting against Richie’s chest. He curled his fingers into Richie’s shirt as Richie ran his tongue over Eddie’s lips, just before pulling away. He laughed at Eddie’s indignant little whine.
“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to take off my shirt right now?” he smirked as Eddie tried to pull him closer by the offending fabric. Huffing, Eddie conceded and let go long enough to let Richie pull the shirt off over his head.
“Oh,” he said softly, his voice a little, awed moan as he drank in Richie’s chest. It wasn’t like Richie had never been shirtless in front of Eddie before, but Eddie had never felt like he was allowed to really look at Richie all those times. But now he could; now he could touch. And he did, running his fingers over Richie’s smooth, warm skin, over his acne scars and blackheads and freckles. “Fuck, Richie,” he sighed before pressing his lips to Richie’s collarbones, trailing them all over Richie’s beautiful chest.
Richie gave a breathless, almost shy laugh as he stroked Eddie’s hair. “Damn, Eds, never pegged you as a tits guy.”
“Oh, fuck off,” Eddie giggled, bringing his lips back to Richie’s. They both smiled into it, getting lost for a moment as Richie’s hands slid slowly down Eddie’s sides. His hands lingered on Eddie’s hips for a moment before he slid them further down and grabbed at Eddie’s ass, making him gasp.
“Is that any way to talk to the guy who’s about to rail you ‘til you can’t walk?”
“What’re you gonna do about it?” Eddie asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Spank me?”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Richie smirked. He gave Eddie’s ass a playful smack, making Eddie gasp again and fall into him, needing more. Richie’s voice was dripping with adoration as he purred, “Little brat,” and pulled Eddie against him, kissing him again. Eddie went with it easily and happily parted his lips to let Richie lick into his mouth. Richie had one hand gripping Eddie’s jaw and the other on his ass, touching him in a way that exuded a command Eddie was desperate to follow. God, Eddie knew Richie had big hands, but they felt huge on him like this. It was dizzyingly hot. And the way Richie’s tongue was teasing his had Eddie’s knees going weak. His dick was throbbing in his shorts, aching to finish what he’d started, what had been interrupted. When he thought about it all—about playing with himself for Richie, about the video Richie had sent him, about all those things Richie had said about filling Eddie up—he felt himself clench down on nothing, desperate to get fucked. Desperate to feel Richie’s cock so deep inside of him.
“Richie,” he whined into the kiss, pulling on Richie’s belt loops, “please.” He pressed himself urgently against Richie and rutted shamelessly against his thigh.
“Fuck, you’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?” His voice was cocky and teasing, but there was an apparent undercurrent of wonder there as well.
Eddie shoved his face into Richie’s neck and whined, grabbing onto Richie’s wrists without even knowing what his goal was. “Richie,” he whimpered, sounding pitiful and ruined already.
“What do you want, baby?” Richie’s voice made it clear that he was enjoying seeing Eddie this wrecked, and that just made Eddie even harder. “Come on, tell me, use your words.”
Eddie squirmed as Richie held him close, but still not touching him in any relieving way. “I need you inside,” Eddie said, his voice high and soft as he squirmed in Richie’s grip. “God, please, Richie, need you to fuck me. Fuck me so hard I can’t even think. Fuck me like I’m your little toy.”
Eddie could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and judging by the gasp he heard Richie let out, he’d caught Richie off guard too. But if the hard bulge in his jeans that brushed up against Eddie was any indication, he was apparently just as turned on as Eddie was. Besides, Eddie knew from his blog that Richie was really into that sort of thing too—and, apparently, really into the idea of doing those things with Eddie. The realization that Richie had been saying all those filthy things about him had him grinding against him with even more fervor, kissing his neck with a heated confidence. Richie moaned, and Eddie could feel the warmth of it spreading through him. “Yeah, sweetheart? You want to feel me inside you? You think you’re ready for me?”
“Yes,” Eddie sighed, looking up at Richie with wide, desperate eyes. He shivered at the new look in Richie’s eyes, the blue nearly entirely eclipsed by how wide his pupils were. He looked hungry for Eddie; Eddie wanted to feel it. “‘M ready, Richie, please, so open for you.” He looked to the toy on his bed pointedly, but Richie only gave a deep laugh.
“Oh honey, that’s cute that you think that little thing is gonna have you ready for my cock.” Eddie’s breath caught; that toy wasn’t small. Before he could gather his scattered brain enough to react, Richie was scooping him up and tossing him on the bed, the toy falling forgotten to the floor. Richie moved Eddie onto his back, and Eddie went happily, pliantly. Richie’s fingers were cool against Eddie’s burning skin as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Eddie’s shorts, slowly dragging them over his hips and down his legs, tossing them to the floor. Eddie’s cock was dripping with precome, his chest flushed a bright red as he squirmed under Richie’s gaze. Eddie been dreaming of Richie manhandling him like this for he didn’t even know how long; he couldn’t help the way he reacted. And he especially couldn’t help the pleased little sound he made when Richie murmured, “God, you’re gorgeous, Eds.” Then Richie was grabbing him by the ankles, gently but firmly spreading Eddie’s legs, and Eddie let out the most pathetic, genuine moan he’d ever heard. “Fuck, baby, you sound pretty. You like when I spread you open?” Richie asked. He was smirking down at Eddie, but Eddie could see how flushed he was, could see the thrilled awe in his dark, hungry eyes as Eddie nodded.
“Richie, please,” Eddie whimpered. “I need you so bad.” He sat up, reaching for Richie’s belt, but Richie easily pressed him back against the mattress with a large hand on the center of his chest. The confidence in Richie’s dominance took Eddie’s breath away, and he stayed right where he was, nice and obedient, as he watched Richie get off the bed and slowly undo his belt, then his button and zipper. He took his time dragging his jeans and boxers off, enough time to let Eddie’s eyes linger on the reveal of the dark hair under Richie’s waistband. Then Richie’s cock was bouncing up against his stomach, hard and flushed and fucking long. Eddie moaned at the sight and fisted the sheets underneath him. He wanted so badly to get his mouth on Richie, to breathe him in and be nice and good for Richie on his knees. But he was also desperate to get fucked; his hole clenched down on nothing at the thought, and then it was all he could think about again. “Richie,” he repeated, whining now as he reached for him. “Stop being such a tease.”
Richie laughed as he moved easily out of Eddie’s grip and climbed on top of him. Eddie gasped softly at the sight of Richie above him, his dark curls surrounding his face, his full, pink lips pulled into the most beautiful smile Eddie had ever seen in his life. He ran his hands over Richie’s chest and sides, marveling at the fact that this was really happening. Then, his eyes flickering down, he tentatively brought his hand to Richie’s cock.
“Oh, fuck,” they said, both at the same time, making them giggle together.
“Fuck, Eds, your pretty little hand looks so cute wrapped around my cock,” Richie teased in a low, rough voice. Eddie shivered; he couldn’t tell if Richie was praising him or degrading him, but either way it made his head fuzzy.
“‘M not that little,” Eddie grumbled out of habit. But he was clearly breathless. He’d never been good at pretending not to like Richie’s compliments, however teasing.
“Aw, but you are, baby,” Richie cooed, nuzzling his nose against Eddie’s and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “You’re so cute and tiny for me. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to fit my cock inside you.”
“I can,” Eddie whined, both indignant and impatient. He bucked his hips up, but Richie held him down. He gasped when he felt the warm, soft skin of Richie’s cock press against his stomach. Looking down, he saw that Richie had his cock lying on Eddie’s stomach, showing just how deep he would be once he was inside Eddie.
“You sure about that, babydoll?” While the teasing note was still there, Richie’s voice got noticeably softer as he said, “I don’t wanna hurt you.”
Eddie’s chest swelled at that. Cupping Richie’s face in his hands, he insisted, “I can take it.” Then he reached down and took Richie in his hand, glowing with pride when Richie let out a low moan. “Richie, please, I want you so bad.”
“Okay, baby,” Richie agreed, turning his head to kiss Eddie’s palm. “Fuck, I want you, too.” But he stalled. “Have you ever… like, been fucked before?”
Eddie flushed. “Well, not by someone else, but I have some toys. I’m not gonna break, Richie.” He huffed, but the way Richie was looking at him soothed any ruffled feathers.
“I’m your first?” His smile was soft, and while his eyes glittered, there was nothing teasing about his tone.
“I didn’t wanna do it with anyone else,” Eddie mumbled. He tried to look away, but Richie pulled him into a kiss.
“Fuck, I never thought you’d want me,” he chuckled. “Sorry, that was depressing, I just mean I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner, you know?”
Eddie beamed, a small, giddy giggle dancing on his lips. “Well it’ll happen sooner if you stop talking so much.” But his smile, and all of the little kisses he planted on Richie’s freckled shoulders told Richie that Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.
“Alright, alright, sheesh, I know I’m hot but you don’t gotta rush me.” Eddie was still giggling when Richie kissed him, and he could feel that Richie was smiling too. “Where’s your lube?”
Eddie stretched his hand out and patted the bed for a moment, searching. After what was probably only four seconds but felt like an eternity, he finally found the bottle and handed it eagerly to Richie. “Oh, right,” Richie smirked, “you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Eddie moaned as Richie swiped his fingers over Eddie’s slick hole, pressing in just a bit. His fingers went in easily, and he pumped them slowly, drawing little, breathy moans out of Eddie. Richie’s fingers were a lot longer and thicker than his own, and they felt amazing, but they weren’t what he wanted in that moment.
“Richie, fuck me,” he whined.
“Aw, no please? Again?” Richie tsked and shook his head, curling his fingers against Eddie’s prostate, making him cry out. “I told you, sweetheart, only good boys who use their manners get fucked.”
“Please,” Eddie cried. He rocked his hips and grabbed at Richie’s shoulders, at his arms, not even sure what his goal was there other than to get Richie closer, to get his attention, to show him how desperate he was. “Please fuck me, please.” He sounded pathetic begging like this, but that just made him harder. And it made Richie’s pupils even wider as he slid his fingers out of Eddie and pressed a kiss to his lips.
“Good boy,” he purred. Eddie moaned and arched into Richie’s touch, but he only gave Eddie one more kiss on his cheek before pulling back and covering his cock in lube. Eddie watched, entranced, as Richie’s hand moved smoothly over his cock, glistening and slick. Then Richie was gently spreading Eddie’s legs even further and pressing the head of his cock against Eddie’s hole.
“Yes,” Eddie whimpered brokenly, grasping at the sheets beneath him. “Richie, please.” Meeting his gaze, he said softly, “I need you.”
“I’ve got you,” Richie assured him in a voice that made Eddie feel like he was glowing. Richie took Eddie’s hand in his and entwined their fingers, using his other hand to guide his cock inside of Eddie, who gasped at the feeling. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe his first time was going to be with his favorite person. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting exactly what he wanted. Love flooded through him, warm and perfect, somehow both soothing and electrifying as he watched Richie’s face. Eddie’s mouth dropped as Richie pressed into him, deeper and deeper and still fucking deeper, until finally Richie let out a low moan and Eddie felt absolutely breathless. The stretch was intense, and he held onto Richie tightly as he caught his breath. “Are you alright?” Richie asked. His voice was strained, but the care and concern in it was clear. “You don’t have to take all of it if it’s too much.”
Eddie wanted to laugh at the remark or roll his eyes, but with how breathless and dizzied by pleasure he already was, he had to admit Richie had a point. “Just need a minute,” he gasped. Richie ran a soothing hand over Eddie’s skin, helping him even out his breathing and relax. The feeling of Richie’s cock twitching in anticipation inside of him had him letting out little moans as he adjusted, getting more and more used to the feeling until he felt comfortable enough to tell Richie he could move. Richie kissed him before he did, his lips soft against Eddie’s, a reassuring weight. Eddie breathed in sharply as Richie pulled back, grabbing at Richie’s shoulders.
Richie immediately stopped. “You okay, baby?” he asked, caressing Eddie’s face.
Eddie wanted to melt. Richie was always touching him, always jokingly flirting with him, but this unabashed concern and, well, love had previously been reserved for dire situations, like panic attacks or injuries. Eddie couldn’t help the dopey smile that bloomed on his face as he tilted his chin up and kissed Richie. “I’m okay,” he said breathlessly. “It’s just a little different from my vibrator.” They both gave a shaky laugh as Richie nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.
“Better, I hope?” he grinned.
“Can’t tell yet,” Eddie retorted. Another snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue when Richie pulled his hips further back, effectively sucking all the air—and attitude—from Eddie’s chest. And then Richie was pushing back in, and Eddie let out a moan he couldn’t have faked if he tried, relaxing back into the mattress as his eyes fell shut. It was the best thing he’d ever felt, pleasure and relief flooding through his body. They’d been building up this tension for years; Eddie had figured it would feel good to break it, but it really felt magical, like something had just clicked into place. Feeling Richie inside of him, rocking his hips carefully, feeling Richie twitch as he tried not to lose control had Eddie’s head reeling. Eddie’s eyes fluttered open, focusing on Richie above him, on how flushed his face was. When Richie met his eye, pressing in deep, Eddie let out a small, “Fuck.”
“Yeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart?”
Richie was smirking as he said it, but there was something else sparkling in his eyes. Something giddy and awed. Something that made Eddie sigh dreamily, “I love you.”
Richie’s eyes widened for a moment before he pressed his lips firmly against Eddie’s, his hands roaming over Eddie’s body like he couldn’t choose where to put them, where to touch him. “I love you so much,” he beamed, pressing a few more kisses to Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie giggled at the feeling, but then Richie’s hips moved just a little faster, pressing him in just a little deeper, and he was back to melting under Richie’s touch, clinging to him as he rocked his hips with Richie’s. “Fuck, you’re so amazing, baby, so fucking beautiful. You look so good like this, holy shit.”
Eddie smiled almost drunkenly at Richie’s ability to ramble even when blowing Eddie’s mind. “Feels so good,” he moaned, his voice breathy and just a little bit higher than normal. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist. “Please, Richie, please.”
“Fuck, baby, wanna make you feel like this all the fucking time,” Richie groaned as he picked up the pace. Eddie whined in pleasure at the change, and that just spurred Richie to go faster, harder, until he was well and truly fucking Eddie, both of them moaning with every thrust.
“Oh my god,” Eddie cried, “ohmygodohmygodhmygod, oh fuck, Richie, please.” It felt so amazing, Richie fucking into him like this, but he needed that little bit more. His cock was throbbing desperately, achingly hard; he needed to feel Richie’s hand on him. “Richie, please,” he whimpered, “please, please touch me. I need you, I need you so bad, please, Richie.” Eddie was pouting now, grabbing aimlessly at Richie, his legs still wrapped tight around him.
“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Richie marveled, his voice sweet and condescending as he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock. Eddie nearly screamed at the contact, his back arching off the bed. Richie laughed a little, which just made Eddie even harder. The way Richie spread his precome over his cock, twisting his wrist just so as he stroked him had that familiar tension coiling in his lower stomach. “Aw, does that feel good? You gonna come on my cock, kitten?”
“Fuck, yes!” Eddie screamed. He gripped at the sheets as Richie stroked him, his voice washing over Eddie, mixing with the pleasure of Richie’s touch, of his thrusts. “Yes, yes, yes, please let me come, please, please, please.”
“That’s a good boy,” Richie purred, and Eddie could feel himself tipping over the edge at the words, at how low and affected Richie’s voice was. He groaned out, “Come on my cock like a good boy, princess,” and pure pleasure crashed over Eddie like a wave. He arched his back and cried out as he came, his moans filling the room as he squirmed under Richie, grabbed at him, at the sheets. It was fucking ethereal. He felt somehow so in tune with his body and yet so detached, like he was floating. He was barely cognizant of what Richie was saying, but when he put the sounds together and realized Richie had just said, panting, “Fuck, baby, gonna come,” Eddie felt like a live wire again.
“In me,” he said urgently. His mind was still a little too scattered for full sentences, but he knew what he wanted. God, he felt like he needed it. Like he needed to feel that connected to Richie. “Richie, come inside me, please.”
Richie apparently didn’t need to be told twice; he let out a moaned, “Oh, fuck,” before burying his face in Eddie’s neck, his breathy moans like music in Eddie’s ear. And then, as Eddie was coming down from his own high, he felt the holiest thing in the world: Richie’s cock, twitching inside of him, then his warm come filling Eddie up. It was unreal, being this close to him. Richie clutching at him as he came. It was even better than the little fantasies Eddie occasionally allowed himself. Richie was here, in his arms, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. Eddie was stroking his hair and rubbing his back as Richie nuzzled into him. Richie’s skin pressed against his skin, his legs wrapped around Richie’s waist, then falling to his sides, but still pressed to him. Still keeping him close. There wasn’t a single thought in his head that wasn’t about Richie.
Richie pulled him from his dreamy haze with light kisses pressed up his jaw, then over his cheeks. Eddie giggled at the onslaught of affection, still reeling from how fucking hot and euphoric what they had just done together had been. But he happily accepted Richie’s kisses, his heart bursting, then racing as Richie pulled back to look in his eyes. “Holy, fuck,” Richie beamed, his face flushed and blue eyes hooded from the weight of his orgasm, even as they sparkled.
“I know,” Eddie said, returning Richie’s grin as he basked in the surreality of having Richie on top of him, his dorky yet charming smile framed by lips that were red and swollen because of Eddie. His glasses were knocked askew, and Eddie instinctively reached up to fix them. With a sense of wonder, he realized that his touch was allowed to linger this time. He ran his fingers down Richie’s cheekbones, over his jaw, cupped his cheeks. “I love you,” he said. The words spilled out over his lips like he couldn’t stand not to say them. And while it made his heart race a little to say it out loud now that the adrenaline and tension was all worked through, it felt even better this time when Richie’s face softened and he nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.
“I love you so fucking much.” Richie’s voice rarely got that soft, that sincere; it felt like a blanket wrapping around Eddie. It felt safe, secure. It felt like a promise. And if there was anyone in the world Eddie knew he could trust, it was Richie. That feeling of everything coming together came back to Eddie as he lay there under Richie, their lips moving together, feeling light as a feather now that everything was finally out in the open.
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another-stark-sub · 4 years
Note
You and Tony trying for a baby and tony is reeeeeeaallllllyyyyy into it 👀
Oh breeding kin huh? Im into that. We are being filthy tonight! And im loving it! 18+ nsfw ahead, smut and breeding kink and possessiveness
Tonys vision of the future changed quite a few times throughout his lifetime. Hes thought of being a single bachelor for the rest of his life, maybe being dead in a ditch at a young age, but as hes grown, he started wanting more
That stereotypical white picket fence and 2.5 kids. While it wasnt his ideal, he did like the idea of settling down, having kids, living away from the city but still surrounded by his own inventions and embracing his eccentricities
And then you
You were perfect. He fell in love with you the day he asked you for something and you placed it two inches within his reach. Apparently, you had just known him well enough that even though he had never asked you before, you knew what to do
And boy, did you two go through ups and downs. He had abandonment issues, PTSD, daddy issues, and you had your own problems too. Of course he pushed you away at times, thinking youre too good for him
But the two of you always managed to talk things out, choose each other again and again
So when it got to the point that he was confident in himself enough to realize that even if he wasnt worthy that youd always choose him
Thats when it got possessive
Thats when the types of sex started to include jealous sex, the repetition of "mine" "my girl" "all for me" started
And it was fucking hot
To see his dilated pupils, so wide with wonder and lust and awe, as he tried his best to mark you. Hickies, bite marks sometimes, the ring
You guys had promise rings before getting engaged and married, a sign that you were each other's no one else's.
So when you were finally Mrs. Stark and both of you had discussed having kids
Well Tony hid his excitement. Just the thought of you getting that pregnancy glow, showing off a belly bump that he helped make, a sign that you were his.
Fuck, it was hard for him not to pounce you when you talked about having kids with him
So the two of you agreed. No condoms, no birth control. You guys had constant sex anyway. It will happen when it does
"Mhm, yep it will happen when it happens."
You smiled. "Exactly." You were ready to snack or watch a movie. Every heavy conversation abt the future warranted some lighthearted activities.
"What about now?"
You laughed. "Now?" Your laughter quieted when yoh realized he wasn't laughing with you. And when you opened your eyes, your husband was very close to you.
Fuck, youve been with that man for years, and every time he does that thing with his eyes you swear he does it on purpose you cant help but feel needy.
Tony Stark is already sexy, but when hes staring at you like youre the sexiest woman whos ever lived, well, how could you not be turned on?
"Hi, sweetheart."
You gulped. "H-Hi."
He chuckled. "That's all youre gonna say?"
"Uh." Your brain was short circuiting. He was so close to you. Every time he exhaled, you could feel his breath on your lips. "Well" -you shuddered- "maybe, something like, kiss me?"
"You sound unsure."
"Please kiss me."
He smirked. "Of course." He kissed you and goddamnit every kiss with this man turned into a makeout session.
Tony carried you to the bed, the two of you stripping on ghe way there until Tony was just had his pants, and you were in your underwear.
He pinned you to the bed, kissing you hard and littering a few lovebites high on your neck. One of his hands was palming your tits while the other was trying to get rid of your underwear
By the time you were naked, his hand was between your thighs. "God, baby, you're soaked."
"Just for you."
His eyes darkened and he plunged two fingers into you, rendering you speechless. "Yeah, just for me."
He stared at how his fingers went inside and slipped out and smiled. "I cant wait to lock my seed inside of you. Youll be all mine then, huh?"
"Already yours," you said through your moans.
"I know, baby, but now whenever Capsicle sees you, he'll know what I did to you." He rubbed your clit and watched with wknder how you gasped and whined for more. "That I fucked you and took no precautions. That the baby growing inside here" -he rubbed your g spot to emphasize- "is all mine."
"Fuck, Tony, please."
"Please what? I wanna hear you say it." He took his fingers out and you nearly screamed and how empty you felt.
"Please... please fuck a baby into me?"
He smiled, almost deviously like a mastermind with a plan, and toom his place above you. "Want me to fuck a baby into you?"
You nodded. "Please."
He nodded. "Well, since you asked." He pulled his pants down just enough to free his cock before sliding home.
Youve gone bare before, but knowing there was nothing stopping the two of you from getting pregnant with his child was a whole new level of exhilaration.
He didnt waste any time fucking you. He went hard enough that you could hear the slaps of his thighs against yours and the squelching of your juices along with the moans and grunts.
"Fuck, you're mine!" He kissed you and whispered against your lips. "Mine to kiss, to fuck." And with a particularly hard thrust, "to breed. My girls finally gonna carry a part of me with her. All. The. Time."
"Tony! Ah, please I want it."
"Want it? Want my cum, huh? Does my greedy little slut want my cum?"
You were nodding. It was hard to tell since you were bouncing up and down as he thrust in and out. "Please, I want your cum."
"Mm, don't worry youll get it. Youve been such a great wife, and youll be the best mom to our kid." He laughed and reached down to press into your clit, enjoying the way you flailed against him. As he began to rub circles onto your button, he commanded, "Come on, cum for me. Squeeze my cock. Take what's yours."
With his constant fucking, his fingers rolling that bundle of nerves, and his words touching your lips, you came hard, squeezing around his cock.
Tony couldn't handle feeling you pulse around him. "So fucking tight." He kept thrusting through his and your orgasm. "Take it, take my cum."
Sex with Tony was always amazing, if not sweet and sleepy, but that was something else.
Especially since shortly after mentally deciding to sleep underneath him with his cock inside you, he thrust into you again. "Tony!"
"Its ok, baby." He kissed your forehead and said, "Just gonna make sure, ok?" before thrusting into you again.
Safe to say, Tony made sure you were pregnant, even if it took several hours to do so
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sleevesareforlosers · 3 years
Note
and now my headcanon questions: 1. you've probs talked about this before but in ur long term post-canon (like. snapshot of these guys as Real Adults 10+ years later ) what are vaya and vamos' average days like? 2. do u have any platonic vamos & vinyl headcanons?, and 3. do u have any val/volume/vinyl relationship headcanons? sorry those last two are so open ended I'm just thinking about them ❤️
oh!!!! okay okay okay i love these (and god. i talk so much whoops)
1. vaya ten years down the road still lives in the RadioShack (docs old station) but kind of splits nights between there and xyr girlfriend's place (blessed helen, milf, oc that @dangerdaysofficial and i share). if xes at the shack xe gets woken up by xyr cat(s) and if xes at helens they get woken up by helens kids. xe does broadcasts from the shack mostly but if theres an event happening in the zones (concert, sports game, derby, etc) then xe has a portable station in docs van and goes to them. so yeah xe mostly hangs out, does broadcasts/traffic reports when they happen (much rarer now that like. they arent at war sdkfjs), bugs val and vinyl, xe 'helps' helen in her garden by sitting around and looking pretty and spraying her with a hose when she isnt looking. vayas life postcanon is very much learning how to put down roots and be open and connected with the world around xem
vamos ten years down the road is living in the city, has like. two or three therapy appts a year bc theyve done the Real heavy lifting with like trauma/grief/codependency so now they only have to go when their SAD is acting up or like, yknow, life stresses make things tough. they i think run a like, free store yknow? and it also functions a bit as the nest did in terms of being open housing, a place for people to hang out, vamos loves people and loves helping people so living somewhere thats like, the-nest-but-not-so-destructive is really really good for them. and its very chill as well they get to sleep in and run around the city for fun and host big like. community dinners whenever they want to and ofc they go out of the zones at least once a week to visit vaya and val and vinyl. sometimes the rest of the v's (they still call themselves that but its more of an honorary thing yknow?) come in to visit but vaya is Busy still and going to the city is still kinda hard on vinyl so thats less often. which is ok! vamos does love the zones still they just went to the city to get like. therapy very soon after them n val and vinyl got back from their postcomics roadtrip and by the time theywere like. feeling stable enough to not need super frequent appts and checkups they had roots down in the city and didnt Want to leave. vamos' life postcanon is less about putting down roots and more about finding the balance between independence and community that was hard for them to get while being like. hunted for being a killjoy
2. i have a few but theyre not serious theyre just like. i like rotating them in my mind. vinyl is the only v that Actually knows how to change a lightbulb but vamos is the one that always does it bc vinyl likes to sit back and laugh while vamos climbs up on whoevers shoulders to try and fix things. vamos had been dying their hair before joining the vs ofc but vinyl was the one to suggest that they try pink. they cuddle so much!!! like vamos is already a v physically affectionate person but vinyl LOVES to curl up with them, theyll nap together on couches a lot. also as the two v's that val was most uh. lenient (? chill) with, theyll team up to tease him every now and then (moreso postcanon for obvious reasons) which sometimes looks like vamos putting on what they imagine vinyl's voice would sound like to read whatever he's written in his notebook and sometimes looks like the two of them passing notes and giggling like schoolchildren, tossing the book back and forth over vals head when he tries to grab it, etc. bastards <3 it was vinyls idea for vamos to come on the postcomics roadtrip
3. hm. not romantic hcs but friendship ones for sure!! they were the v's before vaya and vamos joined so there was i think abt two years when it was just the three of them running around, eventually moving into and kinda taking over the nest. volume and val could fight a lot and sometimes vinyl would smack a little sense into them and sometimes hed leave them to work it out but like. most of the time they Did all get along super well (crews love each other!!!) and i mean. sharing beds sharing clothes (val n volume are the same size for binders) making each other food "hey volume i stole u jewelry from the market" "oh val did you hear about the loretta show in zone three i think youd have fun, we should go" "vinyl im doing laundry do you want me to patch up your jumpsuit i know the knees are wearing through" like!!! even if they were bad at um. words and obvious shows of affection or acting like they liked each other sometimes they loved and knew each other really really well and it was obvious in the little things
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rint4rous · 5 years
Text
meeting the parents: karmelle
(this is so long hhhh)
karma met the (step)mom first
he already sorta met her in the summer trip since she was one of the assassins in the hotel
but they properly met when he comes over anielle’s house after school
as anielle unlocks the door karmas ready for her little siblings running up to her and welcoming her home and saying hi to him
but to his surprise its a woman with her arms crossed thats there when they walk in
wowie ! its arime kiriya !
anielle seems unbothered and ignores that her mom looks mad as shes taking off her shoes
“didnt know youd be home today”
“daichi says you skipped training for a week again.”
“daichi says a lot of things especially about me, probably to stray you from the fact hes failing one of his classes”
theres a screech from the kitchen
“?!!???!! SHES LYING DONT LISTEN TO HER”
arime just sighs, shaking her head
meanwhile karmas standing there like …?? um ok
as hes taking his shoes off, arime notices him
“oh, the boyfriend.”
ani: um??? no??? hes not??? my boyfriend???
“this is karma,,,”
“is he staying for dinner??”
karmas kinda panicking and his Respecful Mode is ON
hes not really intimidated, she just seems like a ‘normal’ mom to him but at the same time ..
this .. arime kiriya might be a pro assassin but before that she’s still anielle’s mom
he doesn’t really care about first impressions
so he has no idea why hes worrying now
“i usually do, unless you don’t want me to??”
“oh no no i would have insisted you stay if you said no”
anielle grabs karmas wrist
“call us down when foods ready”
shes dragging him up the stairs
she lets go of his wrist when they got in her room and shes like
“yeah um,, thats my mom,, i didnt know she would be home”
“shes different from what i expected?? from the trip she seemed more intimidating”
“oh shes actually pretty nice ?? we get in playful arguments sometimes but yeah even though shes not always at home she tries her best”
dinner time !
anielle said they werent together but arime could tell that even tho they werent tgt yet there was something there
arime asks karma a few questions as they’re eating and when karma answers, his tone’s polite and tame
anielle notices this
she finds it a little amusing, but honestly cute more than anything
when karma goes home arime says
“he seems like a good kid. you like him?”
ani, blushing: ?!??!!?! n-no
arime: ok sure
after that karma sees arime whenever shes home
he usually comes over anielles house so
but on the times that ani doesnt come home with karma, arime invites him for dinner
he says yes every time
arime always refers to him as the boyfriend though
not your boyfriend, but THE boyfriend
“you gonna invite the boyfriend over?” “how’s the boyfriend?” “ask the boyfriend if he wants to eat dinner with us”
anielles like please stop calling him that (1) he isnt my bf and (2) even if he was it sounds so weird and lame
(when karmelle start officially dating though she refers to him as karma)
karma eventually gets comfortable that he drops the Timid Tone and starts talking like himself
arimes not shocked at the change
HHH she looked thru the poor kid’s records and looked him up after they met because she has to know abt him if hes gonna end up with her daughter so she knew abt his personality and was waiting for it to show
arime’s honestly amused by him but she likes him and still thinks hes a good kid
he gets invited to their training sometimes
and sometimes gets to spar with arime he almost beat her once
as for ani’s (birth) mom, karma goes with anielle to the cemetery whenever she asks for mental support because sometimes it gets a little too much for her
the first time he went was after the incident with shiro
anielle wasnt planning on bringing him, but he insisted
he couldnt leave her alone, not after the emotional torture shiro put her through
when she broke down in his arms, he knew coming with her was the best decision, even if she didnt like the idea at first
the dad .. he met him three months after arime
karma knew that he was in the ministry of defense and is friends with karasuma, but was dealing with things overseas
thats all he really knew, he was expecting someone like karasuma
karma and ani were just playing a game tgt
then they hear the doorknob rattling ?!??!?!
out of instinct, anielle grabs the gun she keeps under the sofa hjgfhjksd
shes walking slowly towards the door gun in hand
the door opens
“i swear to god yuto i told you to stop doing that.. stop trying to scare the kids and open the door anielles gonna accidentally shoot you one of these days” arime scolds him as they walk in
yuto just laughs
anielle drops the gun and runs to hug her dad,, she hasnt seen him in months
“see! she had a damn gun ready!” arime sighs, pulling their luggage in
she sees karma “oh hi karma!! how you been?”
“good,,”
“so you’re karma? are you gonna join us for lunch?”
karmas like this is like meeting arime all over again
man he never thought his Respectful and Polite Mode would make a comeback but here he is
HHH karma: no fear
yuto: hi
karma: one fear
“yes sir”
anielles trying so hard not to laugh,, she cant believe karma just called her dad SIR HRKHHKJJKH
she and arime are silently snickering together while karma sits there as yuto studies him
“i’ll go start making the food,,” arime heads to the kitchen
“elly, go help your mom”
karma and anielle knew it was to get karma alone with him,, ani doesnt argue and goes to the kitchen
“arime and karasuma told me a lot about you.”
“oh”
yuto asks karma questions, but they arent Extra ykno
hes not Overly Protective, but hes more protective of ani because out of the two oldest, he knows anielle was affected by their mothers death most and took longest to get over it
he just wants to get to know karma
after arime karma was expecting the dad to be like her except more strict and intimidating but
for arime, it took two months for him to drop the timid tone
for yuto, it took an hour
hes still answering politely, but now hes including some snarky remarks as a joke and is talking in his usual tone
arime calls them for lunch
they all talk while eating and karma could tell the dad likes him too
hes just happy he got both of anis parents to like him
anielle met karmas parents like two weeks after graduation,, meaning karmelle are tgt now
she decided to tag along when karma went to the airport when they were coming back from a trip
he said they were coming back for a bit to spend time with him and to congratulate him for graduating
anielle didnt really know what to expect
shes looking at her phone when she hears a “karma!!!!”
she looks up and sees a woman waving at karma and a man beside her
as they’re approaching, his mom notices anielle beside him
“oh you came with... your girlfriend?”
“hi, i’m anielle!” ani greets. “i hope i’m not being a bother by being here?”
“not at all! i didn’t know our karma had a girlfriend?? since when??”
“we haven’t been together for long, but we met during our second year,,”
his mom turns to karma, “you dont tell your folks anything nowadays”
karma just shrugs
anielle shares brief greetings and conversations with his dad, the mom talks more
they dropped off their things and anielle stays for an hour and leaves so they can settle in
she gets invited to eat out with them the next day
(bruh all of these involve eatinf i am so original)
she gets to really talk with his parents
karmas mom jokes around like “our problem child managed to get himself a girl!!! he’s a real handful, isn’t he?”
anielle laughs it off, “hes tiring to deal with sometimes, but i manage. you learn to have patience with him”
karma: Bruh
ani came over sometimes, and she got to know the parents better (and vice versa, they just dont know shes a hitman)
they really like her, she keeps karma in check and they think she brings out the best in him,, shes reckless and chaotic just like karma but if she needs to, shes able to stop karma from doing stupid things and he actually listens so
his parents arent the kind that are like “wanna see karmas baby pics” to embarass him hes thankful
after a month they leave again
ani got their numbers, and the mom texts her from time to time to check up on karma (and her !!)
(karma doesnt know this)
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archived--hell · 6 years
Note
1, 2, 17, honestly all of them if you’re up to it
1 - already answered 
2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?
L O R D T jupiter fuck man got damn id die for jupiter 
3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?
i have adopted characters before, but ive never done anything with them, and i have received characters Back from people but besides that nah
4. A character you rarely talk about?
HI PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ASK ABOUT THE GODS PLE AS E IM DYING
5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?
fuck uh.. honestly if its only semi popular would i do this bc being Well Known would be nice, yeah, but.. it scares me? idk but uh probably leo or aero, theyre two boys i hold close to my heart
6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?
:) eldur and leo kinda? idk i try not to make any of them look alike rip
7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?
YES! theyre actually all part of one universe called cooking with demons! i have a whole game planned out for the man cast kinda? but all in all its all set within one universe, with multiple different stories occurring within it jhfdksg
8 - already answered
9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?
unless specfifically made for them upon request, no. ive already tried that once and it lead to me losing any and all control i had over my characters. At this moment, i only “share” a few ocs with my boyfriend @coffee-burglar and even then, its taken almost a year to even be able to do that
10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?
uh, all of them are kinda complicated for me, but as of right now, that would go to leos full form. (if u want a ref hmu and ill post it, but it wont be my art)
11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?
like a ray of sunshine? yeah! angel and stitch would fit perfectly for that!
12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot
@coffee-burglar their oc chrome n koh,  or derek but thats bc im a hoe
13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?
aero, jhor, innis, leo are all trouble makers to some degree, leo being the most trouble some
14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory
uhhhh fuck what counts as tragic?
i guess id have to say leo or jupiter mostly, but eldur fits too
15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?
if youd let me i would yell about these fucks for hours on end, ive done it
16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?
the best but wouldnt enjoy it: Jupiterthe best and would absolutely enjoy it: colby
17. Any OC OTPs?
stitch/lavaaero/kohcolby/derek/inniswill/happiness aeyr/Eberictderek/Xhaztolleo/eldur
18. Any OC crackships?
jhfkdfsjghdfkjhgdkfjsgl i never talk abt it but will/aero is fucking A+
19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)
ah,, leo. i originally made him to project the worst in myself onto, and because of that ive made his life a living shit hole. but,, recently ive been hell bent on giving him a good ending, one where he heals, and lives his life ok, where he finally, finally has a chance to be happy and get help. its,, kind of been a tiny growing point for me? he just, means a lot to me because of that haha
20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?
uhhh all of their voice claims are songs n such but only a few of them actually sing in canon! heres the voice claims of the ones who do sing:
Aero - thats his voice, but hed probably more likely to sing Something Like ThisAngelStitch - this is her voice! but shed be much more likely to sing something a lot more upbeat, kind of like thisColby (its jeremy from bmc jghfdkg)
and one i dont have a voice claim for yet that does sing canonically is Sycamore! 
21. Your most artistic OC
!!!! oh thatd easily be will! hes nothing professional at all, but he does enjoy drawing and making diy type projects :0c hazels also artistic but with food :0c but what would you expect from a kitchen witch
22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?
Hi My Names Skinny Penis And No One Has Ever Even Looked At My Ocs For More Than Two Seconds
23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?
lordt all of them would fit that, but the one thats changed the most? lordy thatd probably be will! he used to be a persona that was mostly only interested in dying and getting fucked, but now hes? evolved into a fully fledged character, and has even changed from being human lmao
24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?
jupiter, simply because he is The Biggest Comfort i have. hes,,, really important to me and i love him a lot
25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)
:) its bold of you to assume they dont all resemble me in some way. the most though? damian. lazy motherfucker with 200 emotional issues and no motivation to fix any of them
26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?
…yeah.
27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?
Nope, most tend to be born from ideas spawned by me n my bf concepting about my ocs, and what would happen if this thing happened? yknow?
28. Your most dangerous OC?
He has yet to be revealed >:)c his names icarus
29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?
INNIS, GOD INNIS WOULD AND HED PROBABLY DIE
30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?
secret: damiannot so secret: colby
31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)
uHHhhHh 
damian would probably have a very shitty coded blog theme (or default) and would genuinely only reblog shitty, abstract memes, and nice food recipes for hazel to make him
32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?
protagonist? if youre going for the scared baby, colby. if ur going for the stoic “thats weird but ok” one, innis or aero.antagonist tho???? Leo and angelica :)
33. Your shyest OC?
uh, a oc thats genuinely shy and not just anxiety filled? angel :0c shes had a very limited interaction pool with anything thats not other angels so she tends to shy away from others bc she really, really doesnt want to get into awkward situations
34. Do you have any twin characters?
Jupiter and leo!
35. Any sibling characters?
Jupiter, leo, angelica, damian, eldur
jupiter, leo, damian, and angelica are all related via their dad, while eldur is related to damian via their mom
36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)?
uhh if im understanding this question right yeah i do! derek, koh, n a lot of others belong to @coffee-burglar ! ive just roped them into my universe dkjfhkdjgh
37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human
Op All Of My Characters Are Inhuman
38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?
surprisingly? aero! hes got really good rhythm and can actually dance really well, its kinda scary
39. Introduce any character you want
:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Ill let yall have a choice, pick one
1.) Lust2.) Greed
40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!
fond?? uh,, not really. but damian does have a very important memory attached to him.
tw for suicide ment hjgkdfs
with damian, i created him after i tried to kill myself and was stuck in a mental hospital. i had just finished reaing the first shadowhunters book, and decided to try and draw the first demon(???? was that what he was?? im a dumbass and its been over 2 years) you met, which had bright blue hair and if i remember correctly, electric green eyes? but yeah. i made him to cope with all the mental stress i had while being forced to be in that hospital, and hes become very close to my heart because of that
41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)
!!!!!!!!! yeah!!! my boyfriends drawn damian and most of my characters bgjkfdhgkfdsgl but one i do hold close to my heart (bc at the time, i barely knew them) was when @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone drew aeyr! it made me really happy tbh. i still have it saved to my phone actually!!!
42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?
uhhhh,,, provided that they found a way to get anything involving earth and their beliefs itd probably be either angel or colby. angel enjoys learning anything and everything she can, while colby enjoys hearing about the Tea™ that comes with greek shit
43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess
lordt ok
i really just? enjoy making demons really, or anything that doesnt quite fit “conveniently attractive” in at least one form they have. (i also favor making guys bc im Gay)
44. Something you like about your OCs in general
how well theyre coming together, for so long, their stories have been little fractures and pieces that never fit together. Fragments. but now, theyre almost fully put together and its… wonderful to see
45. A character you no longer use?
a hi have.. one. their name was angel aura, a steven universe oc. i got rid of them because of too many.. bad things.
46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?
not directly, but yes. it.. actually helped me give a lot of them a ok life, or at least a good ending
47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?
@coffee-burglar eldur, colby, will n a few others lmao
48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure
ELDUR GOD ELDUR PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THIS KID BACK TO HIS MOM
49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes
damian
50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want
ghjkfgkfdhgklfjhglkjdfhgslfjdgh give me a actual thing to talk about bc im dying op
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steponmepinkjun · 3 years
Note
ok wait lemme tell you abt that twerking boy from the boyz his name is kevin moon and he is [inhales] the love of my life. ok ok look. he has the voice of an ANGEL and is so sweet and creative like hes actually a genius he can sing dance draw produce write lyrics play like 3 different instruments he designed tbz's logo at some point and album covers and like theres literally nothing creative this boy cant do. but hes also very chaotic, very gay like good god if that boy knows what a woman is id be genuinely surprised, ive never met a straight man who almost ended a friendship bc his homie didnt have any beyonce on their playlist, he worships that woman fr, and and and- [SCREAMS] anyway hes 23 so dw abt him being a literal child its fine. if you threw all caution to the wind and stanned tbz i bet youd end up being a kevin stan i just feel it yall have that same Energy™ and ok ill go reply to the other things i send before that you answered before i write another wholeass essay on this boy SFGJDFSJ I RLY NEVER SHUT UP HERE IM SO SORRY SHDFKGSJDFGS -felix bi anon
I'M SORRY THIS TOOK ME FOREVER TO RESPOND TO I HAVE CHRONIC DUMB BRAIN SYNDROME FJWHJSD
Okay so like I did some googling and some fancam scrolling and lemme just say the fact that you're saying we have the same Energy™ feels like such a high compliment lmfao his vibes are IMMACULATE lmfao it's like funny because my lovely mother, who I have brainwashed into becoming a Stay (like srsly I went to ask if she'd seen the latest kingdom stage and she already had 😂 and she had thoughts and critiques lmfao) was telling her hairstylist that for the past few months every time she sees me I demand she spends at least half an hour sitting with me just watching skz tiktoks and videos n shit and her hairstylist was like "oh I know about Stray Kids! I haven't listened to them though, I like The Boyz" and told my mom to ask if I knew about them and I was like first of all mom why you tellin my business in the salon 🙄 I told you this new kpop life is a SECRET for me lmfao people I know irl cannot be exposed to this, why you airing my dirty laundry 🤣 but second of all ur hairstylist is cool asf, good for her
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bloomvroom · 3 years
Text
vent poetry
anger issue stuff/vindictive fantasies due to cptsd regarding abuser
trigger warning for violence & gore I guess _ Youve been hanging around for a while now, its been some years since you raped me Its been some years since you begged me not to leave you since you asked me “Do you really want to throw all we are away over this?” right in the same day that you raped me
And I hoped id never see your face again after I cut you out of my life and I tried to heal but you wouldnt leave me alone Dragged you inside my mind to school cuz you stalked me outside my house always in presence, moved on my fucking street and you dont like letting go of me And you tore into my family, but yknow they already hated me cuz they didnt wanna believe my dad sexually abused me they already desperately wanted to call me a liar for sure, all to keep their blissfull facade of things being all fine, they just couldnt bring it over themselves to call a 13 year old little girl a liar right back when I cut my dad out of my life too cuz he tried to fucking rape me that one weekend in his new flat after mom left him Yeah youve been the chance they waited for, if it happened more than once, surely the girl is fucking lying right? You gave them the push they needed so they finally could set themselves free from pretending like they give a damn, so they called 16 year old me a liar, oh and you told them you raped me on accident, oh but like theyd have prefered it if you had that left part out but they made do with what you gave, I did some sorta roleplays with you, so you couldnt differniate, right? Doesnt matter that they never asked for my version of the events, or that you raped me out of nowhere, no sexual activity prior to it at all, no roleplay, nothing at all, they took it from there and came up with more excuses to explain away how obviously traumatized I am, my aunts husband said my mom didnt stop me from watching violent manga porn in my childhood and thats why im so fucked up now, I have no fucking clue where he got that from, for sure, but its quite of concerning that he knew I saw that sort of media in my childhood, but for real, my dad was the one actively telling me to go look up this sort of porn, after hes been showing me lolicon anime cuz he tried to groom me with it, after he instructed me to masturbate to hentai cuz he liked watching me, ah but whatever, they dont care abt that, do they?
Cuz they only care about the way youve came into their life and gave them the blessing of finally getting to call me a liar out loud, oh youve given them what they wanted, youre so buddy buddy now, and they never wanted to question how fucking creepy it is for a guy to actively befriend the family of a girl that has claimed shes been raped by the guy, how fucking weird it is that this girl went to a lawyer to get help cuz the guys been stalking her, and how they might be part of that stalking too, oh but why would ever question anything? anyhow? why would they?
They even let you move in with them, yeah why would the guy that shes accused of having raped her and stalking her wanna move in with her family after shes refused any sort of contact with him no matter how much he pushed for it? What kind of guy would do this knowing its gonna hurt her? its gonna devastate her? Yeah, what sort of powerhungry guy would - hey what again is rape most of the time motivated by? A hunger for power? A thirst for control? Mh, I wonder - I wonder how long you can hold your breath wasting your life creeping on me, over your inability to get over that I had the audacity to leave your ass after you raped me, thinking that id just move on and not leave u for it, oh for someone that obsessed about me for such a long time its like you barely even knew me,
And I know I should feel like crying when I think of it but all I feel is the shivering in my arms and legs from the adrenaline, and the waves of rage and violent urges that wash over me when I remember what the world let you get away with, when I remember my pathetic family and their farce when I remember how much of a dissapointment youve turned out to be, You should have really known so much fucking better than that, your own mother liked to get to close to you for comfort in your own childhood, you know what it feels like to be preyed on, yet you continued the cycle of abuse its pathetic, cuz I trusted you so much, trusted you in a world where barely anybody understands what its like if a parent sexually abuses you as a child, and you knew what its like, cuz it happened to you too, I trusted you to want to be better than that, I trusted that you wanted to heal and recover just like me, but boy was I wrong
You acted out on me, got triggered for sure, but you cant heal from what you refuse to see yourself as victimized of, you never liked accepting that what your mom did to you is really that bad, you held me so tightly and told me youd never let me go now that you know that I wont judge you for what youve been through, you cried in my arms that day, when we still were a couple, and you said somewhere you know what your mom did really counted as sexual abuse but you just cant let go of the illusion that she loves you, cant let go of the illusion that it wasnt even that bad, that it didnt count cuz only women can get victimized but that it feels so good to finally get to feel vulnerable, and youd never let go of me, and you do everything to make sure what happened to me never repeats
few months later you raped me’ and now youre crying out loud for gods sake just leave me the fuck alone, I cant cope with the amount of urges to murder you I get, but sadly enough I know thats sorta what youre getting at here, I know deep inside you just hope I snap and kill you cuz you cant get what you did out of you, cant get what she did to you out of you and now youre turning it around on me, and you hate me so vehemently hate me for leaving you, hate me for having been kind to you before, yeah, hate me cuz you cant have me, hate me cause you hate yourself, hate me cause youd like to end your miserable life cuz you know you cant take back what you did, well ive no sympathy for you You can beg, and you can threaten and all I do is fantasize about gutting you like a fish, I wanna cut the skin on your back open and unfold it so you can be the angel youve always wanted to be, I wanna stitch that lying mouth of yours shut, I wanna break all your fingers so you regret having ever touched me with them in those ways, I want to step on your body as its bleeding out, I wanna crush your bones with heavy shoes, I wanna hear you break like you tried to break me that day, I wanna stuff your throat full of white feathers so you can know what it felt like to be called “purity in person” too, try coughing up how you really feel, Id like to see you try, put you on a pedastal like you put me with a noose round your neck so you can know how graceful this fall is’
Purity isnt something you can steal, you shouldnt have tried to from me, Purity is something thats not as real as people pretend it is, the childhood innocence you miss, you should admit to why you feel that way, but im out of patience to give advice, youll only obsess over, like you used to, Im saying it now, the only fantasies ive got with you anymore are those in which I torture and kill you for every day you overstayed, for every day you sabotaged me and my life, when you came into my life, and when you left me bruised and more broken than ive ever been before, sabotaged the way I tried to go to school and graduate, stalking me like you did, I tried my best to succeed in life even as you kept trying to drag me down, I kept going anyway, and I did good in my own way, I kept going slower, slower, slower, but I still went my way you could slow me down, but you could never get me to stop never get me to give up, This is one hell of a sick game youve been playing with me, why cant you just accept it? You raped me and theres no second chance after that, You can deny it, try to act like you didnt, but I know you hate yourself for it, dont make it my issue, it makes me so sick when you think I could ever feel anything more for you at this point, more than the urge to grab a knife and slice your throat just to finally put an end to this, an end to this you and me havent been a thing since we’ve been sixteen, but you feel me with such violent shine when my mind goes dark cuz youve been trying to trap me in my own room full of fear cuz you keep reminding me of the way you raped me, oh and I feel like a tiger in a cage, like a tiger in a cage and im about to rip you open with my teeth, But theyd never understand the amount of damage youve dealt to me, would they? Id be the “bad one” So why dont you do me a favour and just kill yourself? You keep clinging to a possible future you had envisioned with me, but I never agreed to that, I always told you if you do something that hurts me, ill leave ya’ and you didnt even think id really do it, I promised you to stay with you for life unless you do something thatll hurt me real bad, you promised you never would, looks like you broke our promise and yet your the one crying out loud feeling the need to make me feel just how angry you are cuz I had the audacity not to stay in an relationship with my rapist
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shinwnn · 6 years
Text
just friends au jimin
summary: basically you and jimin are the cutest best friends ever and youd be a perfect couple and he sees that and you kinda see that but you don’t wanna be in a relationship rn (why?? i dunno what r u thinking)
you’ve been studying all night for your finals tmrw and at 3 am you finally decide to go to bed 
you check your phone before going to sleep and see a message jimin sent you 4 hours earlier 
“power through!! this test is going to be a piece of cake for you”
with whatever energy you had left, you tried to type out a message
 but your eyes were already half way closed at this point so it came out like
“thsnkd jimn ilovek u good mnigjt“
and as soon as the text goes out you cringe a little bc jimin has been your best friend for years and yes, you love him, but a few weeks ago when he asked if you guys could be more than friends you rejected him
so this sleepy “ilovek u” felt like you were taunting him 
when you get a text back though, you let out a breath you didnt know you were holding bc jimin doesn’t seem to notice at all
“don’t stay up so late next time okay? you need to take care of yourself. good luck on the test! :~) ily2” 
you smiled to yourself and cuddled up against a stuffed polar bear he won you at the carnival a few months ago before you fell asleep with the warmest feeling in the world
(one that you’ve noticed that only your best friend can bring you for some reason)
what you don’t know is how hard it was for jimin to type out that last text
he was in the practice room working on his piece for his big national dance competition and was beating himself up over not being able to do a small part as good as he wanted to
but all the anger, stress & frustration he was building up faded away when he saw you had texted him
and when he saw your poor attempt at an “i love you” his heart fluttered but immediately dropped
last week, while you guys were at your favorite cafe doing homework (which you guys always did at least twice a week), jimin looked up from his essay to see you staring so intently at a math problem and he couldn’t help but just smile and be overwhelmed with love
he is just SO fond of u and he shows you that everyday with how much he cares about you but it hurts him that he hasn’t been able to tell you that he loves u as so much more
and he had known that he liked you as more than a friend right when you started hanging out
but something about that moment with you sitting across from him, ur messy hair, tired eyes and all, he just wants to tell u that it doesn’t matter how many dancing competitions he doesn’t place at, or how many sleepless nights he spends practicing bc you make everything good. you’re comfortable for him and you’re home to him and he loves you
and while this is all going through his head he’s just looking at you
when u look up from your work and meet his gaze you raise your eyebrows at him and look at him expectantly bc he seems like he REALLY wants to say something right now
you: what?
jimin: what?
you: you look like you have something really important to say
jimin: i just can’t stop thinking about the fact that alaska has more caribou than people. it’s just so ......fascinating
and you roll your eyes but you can’t help but laugh bc jimin’s face is lit up and seeing you laugh just makes him smile even more and you can’t help but wonder if this is the world’s brightest smile
but still, you know your best friend well and you know that jimin’s joking to cover up what’s really on his mind, so you keep pushing him to tell you
and he doesn’t want to, mostly because he’s really afraid of what happens next
you turn your attention back to your work, knowing that he’ll break eventually
but what you don’t expect is how quickly he does
bc hearing your laugh and watching you wrinkle your nose in the cutest way he’s ever seen gave him a sudden boost of confidence 
so he leans forward across the table and quietly says
“hey... i like you.. a lot”
you look up again, wide eyed, and see how hopeful he looks and you just... freeze
bc ofc you’ve thought about this. 
ofc everytime jimin walked you home or stayed up late to listen to you rant or brought you lunch when he knew you weren’t eating enough you’ve thought about what an amazing boyfriend he’d be
and everytime you guys can tell what the other is thinking through just a look, or laugh for hours at a joke no one though was funny, you’ve thought about the fact that maybe you’ll never find anyone as perfect for you as jimin
but you’ve also thought about that fact that you didn’t feel like either of you were in a good place for a relationship
you were both busy with school, jimin was always overwhelmed with dance practices and competition training,  and you’ve been trying to balance your current job with interview after interview for a better one
mostly, you knew how important dancing was to jimin as a part of his future and you wanted him to focus on that.
 you came to terms with the fact that you’d only be a distraction, and that no matter how much it might hurt whenever you pulled out of a hug before it got too long, or broke eye contact when you saw how much love there was in his eyes, you knew that in the long run, this was what would be best for him
right?
in that moment, with him looking at you so warmly you wanted so much to intertwine your fingers with his and tell him that yes!! you liked him too!! so much!! 
but instead you said
“yeah jimin, i know. i like you too, that’s why we’re friends.”
you tried to keep a light, casual tone in your voice and smiled weakly at him before throwing yourself back into your work
jimin’s smile faded and he paused a little from shock of what happened before shaking his head and tugging on  your sweater so you’d look back up at him
“no, no, not like that. i mean- yes like that. i do like you as a friend. but also more than that. you know? like i like you a lot more than that. as like, a girlf-”
he was nervously rambling and he still hadn’t let go of your sweater
you cut him off “right, friends. you’re a really good friend jimin. my best friend. you know i really appreciate that right?”
and in the way that you guys have always been able to read each other, jimin knew that this was your way of saying no
he slowly let go of your sweater and leaned back into his chair
you refused to look up from your assignment, but if you did you would’ve seen a heartbroken boy going over and over in his head about what he possible could’ve done wrong
by the time you guys left the cafe to get dinner together, you were both talking like normal again, there was an unspoken agreement to pretend like nothing had happened
but it was impossible
and that’s why when jimin reads your text, he rereads it 20 times and types out “i love you too” before deleting it and retyping it 20 times 
and he finally settles on a simple ily2, but still his finger hovers over the send button before he finally presses it
back to the morning of your test, you wake up at 7 and check your phone, smiling to see a text from jimin.
“morning! i’ll be over at in 15 with breakfast.”
you sigh and close your eyes, thinking what you did to deserve this boy as your friend
after rolling out of bed and starting to get ready, your doorbell rings and you open the door to see jimin (somehow looking amazing this early in the morning) holding two bags of food and smiling in a way that even his eyes are smiling with him
he comes in and starts to set up the food in your kitchen and he knows where everything is because he’s over practically all the time
and you’re just watching him thinking “god I’m an idiot why wouldn’t I want to date him? he’s literally perfect??”
sleepily, you walk over and ruffle his hair and look at him lovingly (but like friend lovingly (you swear)) 
and he stops arranging the plates to look back at you and was about to tell you off for messing his hair up but you’ve never looked at him like that before 
like he’s seen you look at him thankfully or with pure joy or fondly
but this is different
and when he told jin abt you and how you had rejected him, jin told him to use a pick up line when the time is right
but he doesn’t throw out a cheesy line in fear of ruining the moment so instead he says “why are you looking at me like that?”
“don’t get any ideas jimin, i’m just thankful for the food.” (nice save)
“of course! what are friends for?” he says winking at you
because right, you’re friends.
 just friends.
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fishpun · 6 years
Text
uuuuu this is abt #jonghyun so like yeah scroll past if u dont wanna read
im hoping writing a ‘letter’ of sorts will help me get my emotions out. will help me grieve better. idk. its not going to be structured and fancy and poetic and poignant im just thinking out loud really.
it’s been 3 days now and it honestly still doesnt feel real. i still feel like hes alive. i keep hoping that im just trapped in a drawn out nightmare and ill wake up any minute now.
 every time i really think about it deeply, or see that photo of him with the flower memorial, or fan memorials, it gets hard to breathe. i usually burst into tears too. youdthink i had no more tears to give, but well.... 
even though ive only become a strong fan this year, he was just such a lovely person that it hurts like hell that we lost someone so good. even typing this much is hard bc in my head, when i reblog posts of him... im still referring to him in the present tense like hes still with us. but hes not. it feels so unfair, and my mind is constanty on loop of just... what if x did this, y did that... if wed saw the signs earlier. how angry i am at that doctor for writing him off. society in general for not taking mental illness seriously. his goodbye letter wasnt too hard for me to read cuz im bringing myself to a better place now, but god it hurt deep because i related to literally every single thing he said
and it hurts me so deeply that he ever felt like how i did. such a good person doesnt deserve to suffer like that. i wish hed been found sooner, maybe hed still be alive. maybe its selfish of me to still want him to be alive.
it feels so unfair that the world keeps turning like nothing happened. i worry that nothing will even change in korean society from this. i really hope this sparks change. idol companies start taking the health and wellbeing of their idols more seriously. on a fan level i hope this teaches people to stop being so unnecessarily negative. dont be an anti (without good reason, like an idol being racist or homophobic). 
jonghyun. you did so well. you did better than that. you did fantastic. i hope you know how much you achieved on this earth. i hope you didnt leave thinking no one would miss you or that wed get over you easily. i dont care if you knew it would hurt us but did it anyway- like i said i know how you feel. i know how fucking crushing it is to live with depression. especially without any help- i assume you werent medicated. or maybe not even seeing a therapist. idk. but yeah, i seriously cant believe you accomplished so much and shone so brightly with all that hurt inside. maybe minho isnt the actor of the group after all lol
some of my mutuals are also depressed. but thankfully it seems were all on the path of recovery right now. i just wish so much you could have been there with us. we all want to continue living on for you. and i know youd want us to live on for ourselves. i cant speak for them but for myself i can at least say that is also true. i want to live on for both of us!
thank you for being so kind. thank you for your artistry. thank you for being an ally for all the various people who were/are suffering. thank you for being a stellar example of what a good man can and should be like. i wish i knew more men as sensitive, warm, compassionate, giving and loving as you.
im sorry we couldnt help you in the end. 
from the very bottom of my heart, i hope that the afterlife is real.i  hope youre meeting all the other legends rn. living it up in heaven/paradise/The Good Place (lol) where you belong.
i love you. goodbye. 
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