#god i hate being mentally ill | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cosmohause · 1 year

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idk if its mental illness but it's getting to the point where negative talk of the character bright is causing depersonalization moments so bad that I'm questioning who I am, but I know I feel sad and upset. That I feel a voice saying "I'm not like that."

The fandoms interpretation, and tales like major tom, are salvageable.

#cosmo speaks #.txt #god i hate being mentally ill

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entombedego · 1 day

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i hate it when i do something so well, but people fall blind to the way i shine and don't compliment me. i just did all that and you looked past me like im a mere ghost when i know im so more than that.

the world doesn't deserve me.

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lunarharp · 11 months

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into the deep end - 29k T orufrey fic.

the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.

for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.

the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.

but they were never whole to begin with, were they?

qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.

olly says nothing.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #ok first this drawing isnt right im too tired..i couldnt draw for a week bc i was WRITINGGG and now i dont even know how..#im changed....... why would you write a 29k fic? WHY??? and i wanted it to be 30k because qifrey (spoilers) turns thirty in it.#and that's important to me...and yet it's 29.4k. there's a point where it's just like. i cannot any more. it is what it is. goodbye #it's about memory trauma..disability..birthdays..mental illness..living in a grave since you were born since you died since it happened #and crawling and crawling and crawling back to the place where you left him #uh yeah feel free to give it a read! i literally dont know if a single person will read it and enjoy it and tell me LOL #i've realised long fics do not get read as much lol. but! it's separated into 4 parts ok! you could read one part and then take a break.#just saying. also i hate editing. if there are any more typos ill flip my lid. no-one tell me.#god i love witch hat and qifrey and orufrey and oru #there's girls and background ermicia and garuato but i was so vague about so much cause i had to be peace out #btw being ace is critical to me and informs everything i write.

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writeouswriter · 2 years

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Hmm brain just conjured up another fictional little guy; at this rate, I am eventually going to run out of room to accommodate all of these fictional little guys, they will have to find a motel or something

#writing #writeblr #writer things #his name is tommy because that is the first name that came to my head #dark curly hair tanned skin hooked nose and dimples and dark eyes #an easygoingness and just genuine passion about him that's contagious #he may be a mechanic and wears loose oversize clothing a too long red button up with the sleeves rolled up #he smokes more out of habit and boredom than wanting to do it he hates it #he's got that classic awkward nerdy but strangely appealing best friend in a movie or show kind of vibe to him #except instead of being in that standard best friend role he is currently trying to usurp the role of love interest in my mind in the vague #new wip i had been thinking about making #though maybe i should make a new wip as this other wip is already new and has different vibes but...#i have made three new wips in the span of the last few days i am not making another i am not i am not #shoe meet horn #he's also mentally ill and the narrative is going to be f*cking normal about it #alright maybe i'll make a new wip #god am i going to make a new wip #my other brand new characters staring at me as i barely even got them off the ground yet like really come on dude #but don't worry oh god I remembered a 4th wip from the past two weeks don't worry bennett i haven't forgotten you #and the several hundred others up there #hmmm thinking about tossing him into a scifi #yes he looks suspiciously similar to some of my other ocs but different maybe i'm pulling a t*m b*rton #and hiring the same actor for all my movies

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medicasino · 11 days

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"Maybe i'll post the wip here idk" i have no restraint and honestly do like how it looks so far SO Mikan drawing wip before i pass out :3 rbs off solely bc its a wip and . Idk actually i just dont want my wip getting rb'd atm lol but feel free to comment if you'd like :3

(also pls dont make weird comments about Mikan here i hc her as a minor)

#affie txt #my art #my daughter (?) she has 97 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces #obviously a wip i havent added everything and just Do Not look at the hand #but. Idk i think its fun! I also havent drawn her yet so fun practice!#Again i havent touched dr in ages this is purely a drawing born from me just kinning her really hard and thinking she'd be fun to draw #also i no longer have a solid gender hc for her shes literally just every gender except cis to me now #no matter what she's trans okay ?#she is canonically sapphic/m-spec though so thats fun :3 i Hate the implied ship so much but. Hey sapphic Mikan is canon #I also really like she/they/he mikan personally but idk i still dont have a solid hc LMFAO #i do think i want to do my mikan rewrite au where i simply give her the writing she DESERVED one day but for now. I draw her #OK BYE IM TIRED LMFAO #danganronpa #Oh god shes being maintagged pls be kind to me dr fans #I need to maintag for people who dont want to see dr to filter it

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wild-at-mind · 1 month

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Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.

#i love her but none of it makes any sense to me #i think i really just wanted her to see that this kind of rhetoric is no good if you're fundamentally unable to see yourself as having valu #to a community- which is where i'm still at sometimes unfortunately.#i would say that i may not be the only one since mental illness + self esteem issues + being lgbtq are not exactly unlinked #but i have basically never found anyone else who has my particular hangups...maybe online once ages ago #so in my own mind i'm the most assimilist lgbtq who ever existed- not even worthy to call myself queer #and it's nice that she thinks i am not like that and in fact am 'one of the good ones'#who is not assimilist- look i know that 'one of the good ones' usually means the opposite ok i know! it's just an impression i get #she's like telling me obviously i'm all good because i look like i do but all i can hear is #that if i didn't look like this then i'm an assimilist #i fucking hate my brain honestly no one asked me to have a mental breakdown at their house (thank god i didn't cry)#and then go home and that's when i cry because i saw a trans guy's 'this many years on t' post and i felt like shit because #i haven't done anything about transitioning in ages and i'm not even out at work :'(#like i know i'm an assimilist because my main reason for not coming out at work is not wanting to do the beaurocracy #of changing my name on my email and every fucking log in i have on everything- telling every single person i interact with #i just can't it's too much and my line manager is worse than useless #but i have 'my job is computer and doing emails all day' privilege so i don't like to talk to people about it

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flutt3rb4tz · 3 months

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every time i see the word "delulu" i cringe so hard its like hooooly fuck those ppl would hate me and my "everyone can read my mind im always being watched/theres bugs crawling on me all the time/someones going to kill me" bullshit LOLLLL

#💞 god is calling #🛑 !!CW DELUSIONS!!#<- really minor cw but lie LOLL #not a vent btw just. opinions opinions #ive watched ppl like me get called 'delulu' for #literally being .. mentally ill #like. in front of me #before my face. DIRECTED at my conversation #and its like #what is fucking wrong with you actually #its not funny? its not funny. its not funny why are you #joking about it??#i hate tiktok and twitter for getting it popular #i really do

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ducktollers · 2 months

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girl help i hated almost every second of being in school but now that ive graduated im feeling nostalgic for it

#I HATE IT HERE SO MUCH #i listen to a song i listened to this time last year and im teleported back #and i get nostalgic for just walking around campus and im like Bitch u were miserable. stop it THAT WAS MISERABLE #i hated it so much and yet also that time in my life is never ever coming back. not ever. girl help girl help #should be a good thing bc i hated it AND YET. and yet. i dare say the floating void rn is even worse perchance thats why im nostalgic #hated being a student but ill never be a student ever again. went thru all that and all i got to show for it is a degree #no friends no life experience besides mental illness thank god its over but slso OH GOD Its over all my chances r gone. girl help #x

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schnuffel-danny · 5 months

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adhd meds pros: finally do the work I have to do, no longer mentally paralyzed cons: the anxiety and paranoia is getting so much worse

#when I'm a t home it's bearable #I'm already psychotic so the feeling of paranoia and mental arguments isn't new to me #but god forbid I leave the house...#leaving the house has always been very very difficult for me bc of psychosis #but with the adhd meds it's like #I'm motivated to leave and do the work but it's sooo scary #eugghhh i hate being mentally ill

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ginganthropy · 2 months

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* all " non disordered systems " should " non " on deez " disordered " nuts /neg

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cohozuna · 4 days

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one of the biggest things i had to come to grips with art wise is that i can do realism pretty well but just completely fail at anything stylized. sure i can make a pretty picture from what i see but what does it matter when the only thing people take from it is "waow so good thought it was a picture" yeah its a compliment but its one that makes me feel awful bc i realize i do not want my shit to look like a picture. i FUCKING SUUUUCK at drawing and that isnt me being hehe quirky artist who says they cant draw and actually can i mean this shit is difficult as fuck and nobody would understand the extent to how awful i am at actually drawing unless they see me try to. all of my finished pieces were absolutely painstaking and i see ppl do the stuff that takes me many hours much quicker and with more personality with about the same experience shit makes me insane i am trying to learn but my god its like my brain just does not want to cooperate with me it makes it so so hard because i just have an awful mental block. genuinely used to just draw effortlessly (albeit not as well so at least i AM improving somewhat) but now even the simplest shit just overwhelms me. idk what it is. i like to think im pretty good with paintings but god it is so so difficult to do what i wanna without it taking far too long. i am so jealous of ppl who can do quality sketches on a whim. ive noticed i do a lot better blocking out a silhouette and then drawing lines over that when i sketch. makes me think im just not very line-brained?? stupid way to put it idgaf its 5 am. Truly the best thing has been drawing on a shared canvas or on stream idk why it works but it does it just kinda lets me actually make something. i dont wanna just whinge and cry about it but it is truly aggravating and so deeply frustrating to feel like im regressing in my ability to Just Draw because its undoubtedly a psychological thing. ive just been in this rut for yrs now its awful. thinking about buying a sketchbook again tbh

#goodnight #i kust dont know how to explain it #i know im not unique here i am not the specialest most tormented artist #but holy fuck does it feel like its especially bad for me #its been like this for years now #im getting better while drawing far less and with much greater difficulty #i think im just mentally ill im ngl #its some sort of fear of inadequacy i dont know god that is so gay DHUT UP!!!#i wanna enjoy art again and i wanna do it more often god damnit im going to make it happen #ive been taking steps to at elast try and make it happen again i just cannot keep being in this damn rut i hate it #god i am so mad i #and i do enjoy my paintings i just think #that theyre lame #when i do them again i want to do more original shit and put some meaning and feeling to it beyond 'waow impressive'#i have lots of ideas for shit like that its just difficult ss fuck to actuslly get myself to do it #lazy motherfucker!!!

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qcellbit · 11 months

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I love QSMP so much I’m going to theow uppp it’s all about love it’s literally all for love

#can't even put any of my thoughts into words i'm just sitting at my desk on the verge of tears #qsmp is doing everything to demonstrate how shit dsmp was in retrospect like the amount of despair and conflict and hate in that series #sorry it was so fucking bad. and the constant miscommunications and stan on stan violence #all coming back down to the fact that the server was run by a very very arrogant man #i genuinely cannot look back on dsmp fondly at all. because of how qsmp has shown me that it could've been good #if it were run by anyone else #the fucking misery of it all... the ending the treatment of mentally ill characters etc. seriously no need #obviously the conflict was entertaining to an extent and added to the story but it was relentless and had no resolution at all #don't even get me started on the disc war finale being staged. dream couldn't even give them that. GOD I HOPE HE DIES LOL #mine

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crunchycrystals · 7 months

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i actually cant believe junior year is real. i kinda resigned myself to the fact that it was never gonna happen but i kept hoping and oh my goddddddddddddd

#crunchyposts #d20 #fh #this is my fucking month guys like first pjo trailer #second junior year is real #third i get to read so much this month #if god hates me why do i keep winning #my mental illness is being cured as we speak #<- oBVIOUS JOKE

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charmcoin · 8 days

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wow. i wish i was any way other than the way that i am but there's nothing to be done about that i suppose

#pers #i hate being mentally ill oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!

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sp00kysk3lly · 11 days

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Real Friends Don’t Exist. Not In My Reality, anyway.

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cozza-frenzy · 11 days

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Me: I will not get involved in discourse, discourse is the mind killer, I will not make Roy's job (Anger Holder) harder, I will not attract the attention of the endo tag Also Me: If I see another post trying to separate Having Alters from the idea of Being Mentally Ill under the guise of "positivity!! :3" the others will have to physically restrain me so I don't skin that person alive

#Shit Terry Says #This happened last night and I am still really really angry at this #How dare you how FUCKING dare you act like quote-unquote Being Plural is an inherently positive thing #How dare you act like the community will be so much happier when it denies trauma so hard syscovery will be CELEBRATED #How dare you take those with alters that hate each other - who have alters that are dangerous and violent and harm other people #And throw them under the fucking BUS #So you can have a god damn Plural Pride Parade #FUCK YOU #THE DAY WE MARCH WILL BE IN SOLIDARITY WITH THE SCHIZOS AND THE NPD AND BPD HAVERS AND THE OTHER CRAZIES #WITH UNPALATABLE MENTAL ILLNESSES THAT CAN'T BE DRESSED UP IN FLOWERY UWU BULLSHIT #How DARE you try and reduce us down to lmao headfriends :3 when there is so much about this that is SUFFERING #Endos go fuck yourselves

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