#god i don't know how to explain this i'm sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

supercorpkid · 2 days

Text

Yours Truly, Pink Kryptonite

Supergirl. Kara Danvers x Reader!, Alex Danvers, Lena Luthor

Word Count: 3003.

"As you can see here, we'll start this presentation with an overview of the current business –" You look out the window to see Supergirl staring at you and waving excitedly. "landscape, and, um, the importance of embracing innovation."

You look around, making sure no one is paying attention to the Kryptonian calling out for you from the other side of the window. What the hell could she possibly want right in the middle of your most important work presentation ever?

You obviously know Kara does a lot of things, but working 9 to 5 isn't one of them. She runs off from CatCo whenever she wants or has an emergency.

Emergency! God, there must be an emergency!

Your mouth dries, and your eyes widen. "Or, you know, everyone knows this." You look at your boss, furrowing his brows at you. "We know our company and where we stand. So instead of wasting our time with the introduction, why don't we just skip to –" You press the control skipping through basically half of your presentation. "the expansion to new markets. And who better to talk about that than my team! I'll leave it to you guys, and will answer to this very important call from our program developer. We know he hates to wait. I'm sorry. I have to –"

You slip out of the conference room, heart on your throat, completely unaware of what you just said in there.

Supergirl meets you at the balcony of your office with a wide smile. "Kara!" You close the door behind you, looking around you to make sure no one is paying attention or seeing the both of you through glassy walls. "What's the emergency?"

Kara tilts her head to the sides, like a confused puppy. "Emergency?"

You touch her arms, looking for something that could explain why she is here in the middle of the day. "Yes! I mean, isn't there an emergency?"

"Not that I'm aware of." She smiles widely.

It's your turn to master your most confused face. "Then why are you here?"

"Oh!" Kara lets go of your arm, and puts a lock of your hair behind your ear. "I came to ask you out."

"What?"

"On a date! Tonight!" You're still looking at her like you haven't got the faintest idea of what's going on. "Maybe lunch?" She tries to get a different reaction. "Now?"

You look around. This must be a prank. Is someone filming this? Is today April Fools? Surely not.

"You're not saying no." Her smile brightens up, like this is the most amazing thing that's ever happened. "So that means I can fly the hottest woman out of here right now?"

"What?" You repeat, yet again, baffled by everything that is happening. "You can't. I — I'm working."

"And you sounded so smart in that board meeting, baby."

"Baby?" You whisper to yourself, more confused now than before. If that's even possible.

"But work is boring," Kara strokes your cheek lightly. "and you're honestly so pretty that I'm sure you'd never have to work if you wanted. Oh! You know what, we should do that!"

"Never work again?" You ask and she agrees enthusiastically. "It's not like you do anyways." You try a little joke and Kara laughs like you just said the funniest thing in the universe.

She composes herself, after a loud snort. "Ok. So you're smart, and pretty, and hot and funny. Golly, how did I get so lucky to get you to go on a date with little old me?"

You open your mouth a couple of times, but keep your comments to yourself. She is literally Supergirl; You never said yes to any date; and WHAT THE HELL! Are some of the things you refrain from saying.

"Kara, I have to go back to work. This presentation is really important." You point to the door and she agrees, once again, vividly with her head.

"Ok, ok. But lunch?"

"I can't. I have a meeting with the developer." She pouts like a child, and you can't say no to her. Not when she looks so adorable. You breathe deep. "Dinner."

Kara bites her lower lip, holding back a huge smile. "Dinner is perfect. I'll organize everything, and you just have to go and be pretty, which is basically what you do all day anyways."

You furrow your brows one more time and agree with a nod. You make your way to the door, and make a mental note to call Alex and ask her what the hell!

"Hey baby," You look over your shoulders and back at her one more time. "Your butt looks awesome in this outfit."

"Thanks?" While your face burns red in embarrassment.

You spend the rest of the day trying to concentrate on your work, but you can't really because you need to understand what happened between you and Kara this morning.

Sure, you two are used to a little bit of flirting. Subtle and awfully vague. Just little jokes that usually makes Kara completely uncomfortable, and makes her blush in no time. And now, just out of fucking nowhere, she is calling you baby and asking you out on dates?

You: hey! Kara's a bit off today. Something happened? Alex 🌈: oh, yeah. Pink Kryptonite. Why? You: great! One more! What does this one do? Alex 🌈: not sure. Just discovered it. Send me a list of symptoms.

A list of symptoms. Ok. You can do this. 1. She looked extremely happy. But that's not a symptom. 2. She had the courage to ask you out. Could that be a symptom? No. Surely not. Asking people out is not a symptom of being exposed to kryptonite. 3. She called you baby. Yeah, you don't have a list.

You: IDK, just weird. We'll meet up later and I'll try to investigate further. Alex 🌈: great! Will do the same from here.

Not good enough. You look down on your phone one more time. Change conversations.

You: hey! did you happen to see Kara today? Lena the witch: Yeah… You: everything alright? Lena the witch: If by alright you mean weird, then sure. You: weird how? Lena the witch: She spent the entire duration of our lunch saying you butt looked great today. You: got it ✨super weird✨. Lena the witch: What's up with that? You: unsure. will let you know as soon as I figure it out.

You get ready for your date. It feels weird thinking about it. You've been kinda flirting kinda joking with Kara for a long while. You never thought this was going anywhere. It's not like you didn't want it to happen, but Kara Danvers is not gay. Which is unfortunate for you.

Except today she was the gayest of the gays. Queen of the lesbians. So you can't help but look in the mirror one more time, before saying out loud this time, "What the hell!"

Of course you like the idea of you and Kara going on a date, but it feels hard to enjoy this when it is so sudden and out of the blue. Just yesterday when you were leaving the Tower late at night and said goodbye with a simple, 'see you later handsome', Kara blushed so hard, she lost all her words and stumbled on her own two feet on the way out the elevator. How was she so smooth this morning?

You open the door, after the doorbell rings once. Kara is on the other side, the brightest smile on her face and flowers on her hands. "Hey baby."

You blush furiously. Can't keep your body in check, no matter how much you want to not enjoy this moment before you find out exactly what's going on with Kara.

"You look incredible. You always look incredible." She makes sure, a thumb sliding on your cheek delicately. And it's only the second time she's done this, and you're already addicted to it. "Oh, I brought your favorite flowers."

You look at it, bite your lower lip and hold your breath. She looks beautiful. Like an angel in front of you. Blonde waves cascading down her shoulders, blue eyes as bright as the day sky, smile as wide and white as possible, and she is here holding your favorite flowers. How the hell are you going to resist her?

"Thanks, baby.” God, no! What are you doing? No flirting!

You turn around, putting the flowers on a vase, and trying to keep your hands and yourself busy so you don't jump on her and kiss her senseless. "Hey, what does Pink Kryptonite do?"

"Um, Pink Kryptonite?" Kara plays coy and you don't even have to look behind yourself to know she is smoothing her hand over her vest, right after touching her glasses. "Where did you see that?"

"Well, baby," You turn around to face her. "it seems that you've been exposed to it." Kara's mouth drops, not knowing what to say. You close the distance. "And believe me, I'm loving what's happening here, but I need to know if this is you or the kryptonite talking. So, what does it do?"

"It turns Kryptonians alittlegay." She mumbles under her breath, and it is only with much effort from your part that you understand it.

Your face drops. "Right."

It's not like you're shocked about her revelation, she was acting like the lesbian jesus right after being exposed to a hot new type of kryptonite (why so many?). You breathe out, looking at the flowers and trying to ignore your selfish heart and desire to just go along with it.

"You should go."

"What?" Kara's eyes get full of tears. "But, the dinner."

"You're not in love with a woman, Kara. The effects of the kryptonite will fade and you'll regret this whole thing. So before we do something that can ruin our friendship, you should go."

A tear falls from her eye, and she bites her lower lip to keep herself from crying out loud. Your heart is squeezing in your chest and you're having to summon all of your strength to keep going with this and not just simply kiss her better.

"But that's not it." She tries, sounding small and in pain.

"Kara, it's ok." It's your turn to stroke her cheek lovingly and carefully, wiping the single tear away. "It was fun, but it isn't you. And for this to happen, I need to be you. Ok?" You're explaining yourself with caution, almost as if you're talking to a child. She agrees with her head, slowly, looking small in her tall body. "Don't worry. It will wear off soon, and you'll be yourself again. And you’ll be glad this didn’t happen." You kiss her cheek and give her a wistful smile.

Kara makes her way out of your apartment, crestfallen and so disheartened you almost feel bad. You take a deep breath. She'll be fine. She'll thank you for this when she wakes up free of the Pink Kryptonite.

Gee, a kryptonite that turns them gay. What the hell was going on in Krypton? But also, you wish you were there. The parties must have been wild.

You turn around in your bed, the flowers that Kara brought keep haunting you, because you decided to put them right next to your bed. You sit up, rubbing your face awake. Why the hell did you kick Kara out the door? It could've happened! It could finally have happened! Why didn't you take advantage of it?

Oh yeah. Yours truly, Pink Kryptonite. Ugh. She didn't really want you, she was just gay for a day. You roll your eyes to yourself. Now you'll just have to live with the awkwardness and the desire while you're around her. Great.

You hear a light tap on the glass and you let out a shit-scare scream, only to see Supergirl flying on the other side of your window. You hear a soft, "sorry." when she realizes how shaken you got.

You open the window to find a glowing Supergirl, and it doesn't take much deducing to understand she's been under the yellow sun bed for a while.

"I flew as close as I could to the sun." She explains, still on the other side, but it's quick to make her way inside. "The yellow sun emulators are alright, but there's nothing better than the real thing."

"Yeah." It's all you can say.

"I wanted to get rid of the Pink Kryptonite as fast as possible." Kara explains it further, and finally puts her glass back so she can change back into her normal clothes. "I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I heard you were still up. I wanted to apologize."

"Whoa, I knew you'd regret it, but God that was fast. Must be some kind of new record for me." You sit back on your bed with a loud sigh.

"No, no." Kara is quick to follow you, kneeling in front of you and holding your hand. "I wanted to apologize for waiting for the kryptonite to finally show me what my life could've been like if I had a little bit of courage."

"Kara, you are the epitome of courage."

"No, I'm not. I've been wanting to ask you out for months and haven't got the courage." She confesses. "Do you know how many times I almost called you baby these past few weeks?"

"You said Pink Kryptonite turns Kryptonian gays." She shakes her head agreeing. "For you to be turned into something, you can't already be that something."

"It turned me extra gay."

You bite your lip to hold back a laugh, but she's not scared of showing you her wide smile. "Let me show you."

"Show me what?"

Kara perches up, thumb sliding across your cheek until her hand cups your face. "Let me show you that it wasn't the Pink Kryptonite that turned me gay." She brings your face closer. "Let me show you how you were the one that did it."

"Are you sure this isn't the Pink Kryptonite talking?"

"I'll tell you what," Her breath is hot in your mouth, and you're holding your own breath in anticipation. "why don't we go to sleep and when we wake up you can ask me again?"

"Ok." But your resolution is weakening by the minute, especially after she spoons you in bed and places a little goodnight kiss on your neck.

You wake up with more flowers and breakfast in bed. Kara has a warm smile, and she looks so damn beautiful just fresh out of bed it's annoying.

"Good morning, baby." She holds your face between her hands, thumb caressing your cheek in the way that makes your heart flutter. She’s obviously able to hear it.

You swallow deep. "Is this you or the Pink Kryptonite?"

"Why don't you ask me again after work?" Kara says feeding you a strawberry, and you agree weakly with your head.

She shows up at lunch time, and holds your smelly tuna sandwich out of your reach, convincing you that you deserve better food. She has it all set out on your balcony, a whole picnic that makes all of your colleagues so jealous of your lunch date. Little do they know she actually flew to Italy for that pasta.

And it's another thumb stroke and another, "Is this the Pink Kryptonite?" question that makes her head tilt a little bit farther and she reaches the corner of your mouth, instead of your lips.

"Ask me again at our dinner tonight."”

After work pick-ups and holding hands and perhaps it's Pink Kryptonite. Flowers and dinner dates and maybe it's just the exposure. Movie nights and cuddles and what if it is still turning you gay. Slow dancing to the TV light and thumbs slowly stroking your cheeks and why don't you ask again tomorrow. And that goes on for weeks.

Alex texts you that Kara was exposed to real Kryptonite this time. You know, not the one that turns her into the queen of gays, but the one that turns her bones into flaming hot goo. You run to the Tower and watch her unawake under the yellow sunlight.

"Hey, it's ok." Alex holds your shoulder while you cry. "She'll be fine. A few hours under the sun and she's good as new."

"What?"

"Yeah, the effects of the kryptonite aren't lasting. It wears off if we deal with it fast."

"With all of the different types?" You furrow your brows at her and Alex agrees with her head.

Well, haven't you been wasting precious time?

You run into the medbay, and sit beside her bed. Like clockwork, a couple hours later, Kara's eyes open and she looks at you on the other side. "Hey baby."

"Oh my God, baby!" You run to her, not caring about anyone on the other side of the glass that might be able to see you both. You throw yourself at her, kissing her entire face. "You scared me."

She smiles widely. "And would do it again to have you kissing my face like that."

You hold her face between your hands, and slide your thumb across her cheek. "Don't you dare." She smiles, but soon her eyes widen when she realizes what's coming next. You meet her lips with yours softly. But soon she deepens the kiss, and next thing you know she's pulling you up the bed while sitting herself up. You’re full on sitting on her lap, while your lips crash and tongues slide and hands explore visible skin. And honestly, the yellow sunlight doesn’t help when you’re body already feels like it is on fire.

Kara parts the kiss for some air, and looks at you with full-blown pupils. "Is this you or Pink Kryptonite?"

You roll your eyes and give her a chuckle. "Shut up and kiss me again before I think the Green Kryptonite is also turning you gay."

Kara’s tongue is almost inside your mouth again when you hear a yell from the other side of the glass.

"NO! Absolutely not! We can see everything!” Kara is quick to move her hands out of your butt. “That was more than enough!"

Alex's face is red from yelling, Lena's face is red from embarrassment, and Nia's cellphone case is red from all the pictures she's been taking.

"Keep going! I'm gonna turn these into GIFs!"

You and Kara look at each other, "We should go." "Yeah."

So Kara was right, it wasn't the exposure that turned her gay. Still you do appreciate yours truly, Pink Kryptonite, because at least it gave her courage to be her true gay self.

#supergirl #kara danvers #kara x reader #reader insert #supergirl fanfiction #supergirl imagine

27 notes · View notes

projectbluearcadia · 2 days

Text

Now, Children, Fight Nicely

[ Trigger Warning - Intentional poisoning (mention) Reader Discretion Advised. ]

Green, crystal-like shards of magic shatter into the air, and Lucifer, in full demon form, bolts inside Barbatos' room, his expression twisted into a snarl as his foot comes flying into Barbatos' face at full force. The impact slams Barbatos into the opposite wall, his hair sprinkled with rocky debris. Blood dribbles from his mouth.

Lucifer: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DOSE HER WITH?!

Barbatos: ...

Lucifer: DO YOU THINK I WON'T FUCKING KILL YOU, BARBATOS!? AFTER DOING THAT TO HER?!

Barbatos: I anticipated that, and quite frankly, I'd rather it was you who did it. It seems fitting.

Tears start to streak down Lucifer's face.

Lucifer: How dare you... How dare you welcome death?! If you really feel so horrible about poisoning the love of my life that you came prepared to die for it, how could you do it at all?!

Barbatos: There are... futures that I'd rather not see. For her suffering, for yours, and for my lord's. Futures where she kills Lord Diavolo. Futures where the Devildom perishes in a sea of turmoil. And... futures where she dies at your hands.

Lucifer grits his teeth angrily.

Lucifer: You're fucking stupid for a person that can see the strands of time! I don't care if it's one possibility out of five billion! Step in and change it, you son of a bitch!

Barbatos: I can't.

Lucifer: WHY NOT?!

Barbatos: Ever since I was infected, I haven't been able to use that ability well, and it's been getting worse. I'm... at the point where I can't do much of anything.

Lucifer's expression shifts through several shades of frustration, and he grips his hands in his hair and screams in anger and despair. Moments later, Diavolo arrives in his nightclothes, disheveled but alert.

Diavolo: ...Barbatos, I am quickly becoming incredibly upset with you, and you have about five seconds to explain to me why you never mentioned what I heard from the hallway.

Barbatos: I apologize, my lord; I intended to solve this quietly, but I'm afraid... some things were simply beyond me...

Lucifer: God! Dammit! You're just like her! You always keep everything to yourself and it costs you everything!

Hello, Mr. Pot?

Lucifer's hair falls from his fingertips alongside his distraught tears. He crumples to the ground, picking up Annelie's head and letting his quiet sobs wrack his body.

Lucifer: Oh, Annelie... I'm so sorry... I'm so, so, so... hic... sorry... I promised, but I failed to protect you again, and now you're like this... I'm sorry... Please... I'll save you, so... Please don't die... please don't die... not again.... please...

I... can smell his tears, but I can't wipe them away... I hate this. He doesn't deserve this. Why am I always so...

Diavolo: Lucifer, stop blaming yourself. This isn't your fault. We'll find a solution... okay?

Diavolo looks like he's on the edge of tears himself as he squeezes his friend's shoulder.

That's an empty condolence and he knows it. Barbatos is too smart. I hate this.

Lucifer: ...is it going to be enough? What if she...?

I... hate this. I curse it. Future be damned; I curse it. This powerless self... I curse it and curse it with everything I have.

A black mist wisps around Annelie's body, sinking into her skin, and Barbatos, Diavolo and Lucifer all collectively wince. Diavolo sinks to one knee, gritting his teeth. Annelie's fingers twitch, and Lucifer latches onto them desperately, watching her face. Her black eyes open to reveal that her irises have turned a radioactive shade of hot pink, punctuated by serpentine pupils. Almost immediately, she grabs hold of Lucifer and hugs him tightly.

Annelie: I'm fine... I'm fine.

#me and my edgelord ass #i seriously hate the word edgy tho #tw drugs #obey me lucifer #obey me shall we date #fanfiction #shameless self indulgence #obey me!#obey me angst #obey me #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #om! barbatos #om! diavolo #LuciAnne

23 notes · View notes

onismdaydream · 2 days

Note

HII!!! for the past like two days I have been scouring your account for your yuuji content.. because it's SOOO GOOD. And I can NEVER find yuuji fics! ><!

I just love how you write, and it's kept me thirst for him quenched but I just- HAVE to get this out there. I guess it's a writing request..

I have this one specific thirst that just. UGHHH. Basically, I loveee yuuji fics, and it's common knowledge that he has sukuna inside of him. (Lol) sukuna, who can basically manifest as a mouth. DO YOU SEEE WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS?? there is just so much potential. And we already know the the mouth can manifest literally anywhere! His cheek, his.. HAND.

UGHHHH

Like just imagine like- being with yuuji, and barely getting into the 'intimate' parts of your relationship. And I mean barely (once or twice), and at first sukuna is annoyed after, bc like- OF COURSE HE IS! How dare yuji, a little brat, do such things when he KNOWS he can see everything! Nobody wants to see some new inexperienced couples fucking? (Me) nobody!

But.. if you can't stop them, join them.. right?

So, maybe he tries to convince yuji to let him have some fun with you. Though yuji immediately says no, that's totally weird!

...

Won't stop sukuna though. So next time you guys start to have fun.. worked up from a mission, unable to keep your hands from eachother.. which lead to yuji having two of his fingers knuckle deep inside of you, pumping in and out, hitting that spot that makes you see STARS.. when all of a sudden, you feel a tounge lap at your clit! 🥺🤭 whaatttt!!

It catches you so off guard, it takes a minute for you to register what's going on, but when you do.. you wrap your hand around yujis wrist, tugging him away.

"Whats wrong?"

!!! How do you even begin to explain? There's SO many things wrong. Starting with the fact that SUKUNA, the person who literally hates both your guts, literally tried to eat you out.. to the fact that, you liked it.. it felt good!

"I think.. I don't.. basically-"

What do you say? What CAN you say? What if when you tell him, he stops? Ughh this is just so- UGH!

"Whats wrong brat? Use your words."

Followed by a dark chuckle, like he's laughing at you. Coming right from yujis cheek. GOD he is so annoying.

"Sorry, brats, just had to have a taste.."

OKAY ANYWAY. This is getting too long BUT it would probably be followed by a small little argument between yuji and sukuna, but thankfully sukuna convinces yuji.. probably by saying that he could either use his mouth, OR take over yujis body and have his way with you ♡🤭 and OBVI yuji chooses the first one bc he doesn't want you to get hurt..

at first he acts like he doesn't like it, but that facade doesn't last long, you hoth love all the new opportunities that come with this.. i mean like, youre both new to all this so maybe when he isnt sucking on your clit, he could talk you both through it teaching yall sime jew tricks along the way 🥰♡

you see what I'm saying, right?

Finish it, if you want, I would LOVE to see your take on this, but I just HAD to get this out there, otherwise I would go crazy..

But anyway, how was ur day? 🥰🎀

-your horniest yuji lover!♡🎀

AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg??? first of all, thank you!! you're so sweet and this literally made me so happy when i saw it this morning !! i'm sorry i didn't respond earlier, i've had a kinda shitty work schedule + being a little sick so i haven't had much time here <3

UGHH I LOVE THIS IDEA!!!! i've seen similar concepts (sukuna joining/forcing) and it's always so HOT!! i especially love the idea of sukuna licking at your clit and yuji not even realizing... like he's so distracted by the pretty faces and beautiful sounds you're making that he doesn't feel the way his palm morphs or just how much wetter it gets from sukuna's spit..... it's just sooooo good!!

sukuna makes a deal that if he's allowed to fuck you the way he wants, then he'll tell yuji what to do ("the proper way to fuck a woman") and yuji feels a little guilty for considering it but he really really wants to treat you the way you deserve and he has his own selfish reasons of wanting to feel you come around his cock. and maybe it doesn't take much convincing because sukuna's mouth is back on you and making you see stars that you both agree lol

and i don't mind at all if you ever wanna dump your ideas here <3 i think we all need a space to put our thoughts before they make us go crazy! that was what i did before i started this blog :)

#i love the little signature too its so cute!!#.asks #.anon #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #yuji itadori #ryomen sukuna

38 notes · View notes

kutiee · 8 months

Text

૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა♡ Looks like a cinnamonroll, is a cinnamonroll ૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა♡

Happy Euijoo Day ♡ 230907

29 notes · View notes

annieisyourfavourite · 7 months

Text

okay i finally have the time to write out an explanation of what all has been going on with me the last like, month - all the stuff i've been alluding to. this is gonna be real, real long, so story time is under the cut.

so some setup. i lived with my parents until just a few months ago. i moved out and now live with my oldest brother, sean, and his 2 (well, it's 1 now but at the time) dogs. at my parents' house, it is my mom and dad, my little brother luke, his fiancee, and my paternal grandmother who we call baba. my parents also have 4 dogs.

baba was living on her own in serbia, but she had a stroke in february, and since my dad is her only kid, we took her in. baba has a lot of needs, and so my brothers and i have been urging them to get her into a nursing home. but for some reason my parents aren't doing this, despite the fact that it would improve everyone's lives tenfold.

because see baba? has been abusive to my dad and to us for his whole life. she has some trauma-induced mental illnesses that she doesn't like to treat, which means she often isn't in the same reality as everyone else. i say this not to imply that mentally ill people are abusive. but rather her mental instability is a big factor in the way that she acts and treats people. and also, if she wasn't mentally ill, my father would probably never speak to her for all the abhorrent things she's done. he can already barely stand her, and his anger issues and trauma responses have become very intense since she's been around.

i also have been abused by baba, and so i have told my family i won't engage with her as much as possible. it was hard when i lived there. but since moving out, i've said i refuse to babysit her or be her caretaker, since i can also hardly be around her without losing my shit. i've told my parents this. when she starts ranting about her paranoid delusions, i can't handle it. if she starts getting upset, i can't handle it. i remember her locking us 4 small children under the age of 12 out of her house when she was watching us because she thought we were annoying. i feel very unsafe around her!!! very bad!!!!

so! the reason all this is relevant. is that my whole family, save myself and baba, just went on a vacation for 2 weeks to the british isles. we've known about this trip for a long time. and i set up with my oldest brother that i would watch the 2 dogs at our house while he was gone. my other brother matt, who would be joining them later, was to watch baba and the 4 dogs up there. except. i learned like 2 weeks before they left. that matt couldn't do the weekends and the end of the trip. so there were 8 days total out of 14 that he wasn't gonna be there (bc matt sucks but that's a different post). so my mother calls me. and says they need me to watch everyone during those times.

at first she had told me it was 1 weekend (like saturday and sunday) and that was it, and i agreed to it even though it sucked. but then after revealing how much it was, i started saying no, i can't do that, that's obviously too much. out of the 6 dogs, 2 of them are new puppies. and 1 of them was an old dog who was dying of cancer. the old dog also couldn't be in the same room as one of the other ones, because they'd try to kill each other.

so like. far too much for 1 person to try and take care of. i said no i won't, i can't. and my mom got so mad at me. i told her i can't psychologically handle being trapped in a house with baba for that long. she said "can't you just suck it up this one time?" i said that's not how abuse trauma works. she said "i can't believe you're trying to ruin our once in a lifetime vacation." i said i'm physically disabled and that is too much. too bad.

i kept trying to find some help. but the problem was, even if someone could watch some dogs, they couldn't do that AND watch baba. and vice versa if someone could watch baba. and i needed to be away from her. however the time for the trip came, and there was no one else to help. so my parents left! they said i don't care what you say annie, we need someone to take care of it, and if you don't, your dogs and grandmother will die without proper care.

so i did it!! because they knew i would do it if there was literally no one else. and i was begging them to try and help, try to understand the price this was going to take. my dad kinda did. but didn't do anything to help. my mom just thought it would be fine.

so for 2 weeks. i was in charge of old dying dog and puppy 24/7. and then sick baba and 4 other dogs for over half the time. on top of trying to do rehearsals for a show i'm currently in. and i couldn't handle it!! i suffered, hm. 10 mental breakdowns at least? so many dogs. so much chaos. so much cleaning up messes from the puppies because they're puppies.

i called my mom, having a breakdown, the first weekend because i was supposed to go to an event for my boyfriend's work, and baba was fighting me on the plan. it was a whole mess. i literally owe my life to kayla (@/modestclam) because she came by on her 1 day off from her 2 jobs to help.

during this time, i also had a job interview in the city because i'm unemployed. and when there. my car got towed. i'm pretty sure incorrectly, i'm trying to contest the ticket. but i was stranded in the city, disabled and alone, and i had to spend over $300 just to get to the lot and get my car back, which i simply do not have. it took an extra 5 hours.

during the last weekend, i decided to keep the old dog chloe at my house, and my boyfriend came and watched her for the 5 days i was at the other house, because i was worried about moving her. my goal had been to just get her to the sunday when sean was getting back. she was clearly sick and i knew she didn't have long. but i was trying my best to just keep her going til then.

so i'm in the psychological torture zone up north. i had to drive back to my house at one point to help give chloe a bath, because she had intestinal issues and got stuff stuck to her backside, and my boyfriend was freaking out. and when i got back? the puppies. also had intestinal issues. all over the house. it took me 2 hours to clean, with baba obsessively following me the whole time. i have at least 1 breakdown every day. i have to miss a number of rehearsals either because i couldn't leave the dogs and baba alone, or because i was so dead tired i could barely move.

during this time. my mom also texts me. that my grandfather's partner had called and said he was in the hospital. he had a fall i believe? and so if anything happened, even though he lives a state away, i would have to be on call, since i was the only one in the country at that moment. because i guess she wants me to have a heart attack at age 25??

my little brother luke got back on tuesday evening, late. (he flew into an airport in canada and my mom wanted me to go drive the 2.5 hours there, pick him up, and drive back. i told her she must be on crack to think i would do that.) him and his fiancee weren't feeling well, but they took over main dog management. i went home to chloe.

the very next day. my parents and maternal grandma get home. grandma hadn't been feeling well, so she was gonna stay with my parents for a bit. except. the very morning after they got back. she tested positive for covid. and everyone in the house was sick.

my mom calls me asking me to take grandma to the doctor to get paxlovid (which i had taken and it helped me). everyone in the house is sick and they need my help. my oldest brother sean wasn't even back yet, he had an extra like 5 days, so i was still watching his dogs. i didn't even get 1 day after the 2 weeks from hell to rest. my grandma ended up going to the ER and getting put on oxygen. she was there 5 days and wasn't allowed visitors. i had to call around and get her affairs in order for her to stay there. the sick household includes: my mom who is 62, my dad who is 59 and has a genetic condition that gives him a weak heart, my little brother who ALSO has that heart condition and had heart surgery just this year, his fiancee who has autoimmune deficiencies, and my baba, who is t2 diabetic and in her 80s.

so i was stressed, to say the least. and during all THIS, chloe, the old dog, starts taking a turn for the worse. i'm doing everything i can to make her comfortable and keep her around, cleaning up her messes, hand feeding her dinner, whatever i can do. i go out to celebrate a friend's birthday saturday, and it's fun, but the whole time i'm stressed for what i'm gonna come home to. since sean was getting in sunday night. just 24 more hours.

when we got home, she greeted us happily. i got her to eat her dinner, drink water, take her pills, and even gave her belly rubs for a while. she was doing well. we all go to sleep.

and when my boyfriend and i wake up that sunday morning, the day sean was getting back. we found her unresponsive, having passed away in her sleep next to my bed. less than 24 hours before sean would have gotten to see her again.

to say i was devastated would be an understatement. i loved that dog so much. and i worked so hard to get her to the end of the trip. i used all my resources, i did everything i could. and she died in my room the same day my brother came back, before they could see each other. my heart? broken

luckily at this time i had family back, so my dad and luke came to put her in the box and deal with it, cuz i was well and truly at my limit. not a single day of rest in weeks. sean got home that night and the next day, we went up north at my parents house to bury her where we bury all our pets who have passed.

digging the grave was hard and miserable, because the spot we needed had a ton of roots in the way, and it was raining, and sean was limping bc of his bad foot, and everyone had covid, and it was just awful. i ended up doing a lot of work, even though i myself am physically disabled and very weak. my right arm and wrist still hurt real bad, and it's been 3 days since.

that night. THAT NIGHT!!!! THAT WE WERE BURYING HER!!! baba was delirious and coughing. she clearly had caught covid, as we knew she would. and covid really messes with her, especially her already frail mental faculties. she collapsed in the kitchen. so the following morning, my dad took her to the ER (after a lot of fighting from her). she was admitted to the hospital in poor condition. they think she has pneumonia. her bloodsugars have been bad for weeks, because we were waiting on an appointment with her doctor to up her meds. at the hospital they are giving her insulin (which she doesn't usually take?? irresponsible) but they can't get her bloodsugar down. which, when it comes to covid, isn't good. it's known that if you're diabetic, and you're admitted to the hospital with covid, and your bloodsugar is high? it's essentially a death sentence. your chance of mortality increases tenfold.

so i had to miss rehearsal again (this is where that post about my director being a bitch comes in). the director has also been making my life a living hell for this, punishing me for having all this going on. my part is like 7 lines, and yet she still is in my face constantly.

:-) so that's where i'm at!!!! my september has been such a blur of mental and physical distress, i'm surprised i'm still breathing tbh. i have therapy twice a week, and when i emailed my therapist the dog + covid update, he responded "holy shit." we've been trying our best, but he's like "the goal is to stay alive, please just stay alive, don't try to aim any higher." i just. don't have anything else in me, you know? i already was gonna need like a week to recover from the vacation stuff. and now with this. it's just like. how much is a person expected to take, you know? how much can a body hold before it falls apart? i'm hoping soon, god, please soon, i'll be able to rest a bit. but man.

it's been a rough fucking month.

#mine #god bless u if u get to the end of this behemoth #this really is like if i had an actual Blog(tm)#yeah. life has been right miserable. and i don't know how i'm standing it!!!!!#it's bc my friends love me and my boyfriend loves me and I love me too #literally cartoonish levels of agony and tragedy over here #sorry this was so long #but u know #there just. is a lot to get through. if i wanna adequately explain what's going on and why my mental illness has been up to 10 lately

13 notes · View notes