#god I wish that could be me! I loved my dad so much! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

littlexscarletxwitch · 3 days

Note

hello.

Could you please write Florence fic where there is a wedding with reader. Them getting ready them the ceremony where they say the vows and their family and friends make beautiful speeches. I love these kind of scenarios. And also the wedding dance. Where Y/N and Flo are all cute and smiley and adorable. Thank you so so so much.

(also would it be possible if reader wore wedding suit, if not it's completely okay, just my preference)

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴

paring: florence pugh x fem!reader

tag(s): fluff, cute, flo and r get married yay

warning(s): just a really cure wedding (?), grammatical errors, unedited, rusty writing

word count: 1.7k

note: I am a liar, all I do is lie, shame on me. But really I have been busy, life is kicking my butt. But who's suffering more? Me, a 19 (almost 20) year old student with a job and finals to prepare; or Logan Sargeant who just can't drive the Williams (lol). Thank you for all the love I have been receiving even though I am not as active as I used to. I love you, M <3

note 2: Also, the Yelena new photos. God is a woman, and she is Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova.

requests are open! + check my rules + masterlist <3

You thought that when the time came, you would be a bundle of nerves.

But with just one look at your reflection in the mirror, you felt like this is what you had been waiting for your whole life. That exciting feeling, but not nerves at all, was crawling up to your whole body. You were eager to take this new step in your life.

Marrying Florence just felt as natural as breathing. No second guessings, no doubts, nothing. You just couldn’t wait for the best night of your life to start and share it with your loved ones.

A knock startled your train of thoughts.

“We are ready when you are,” Raffie said, unable to contain her smile.

“I’ve been ready for almost three years now,” you chuckled, getting a last look at the mirror, making sure your wedding suit was in perfect shape.

You thought you would be edgy while walking down the aisle, but once again you were wrong. Normally, all those people looking at you would make you all flustered and stressed out. But as you looked around, you could feel the love your family and friends had for you and Florence that it was hard to be nervous at all.

Your mum and dad, each, left a kiss on your cheeks wishing you the best and leaving you at the altar, waiting for your other half.

The moment your eyes lied on Florence you felt your tummy shrink into a knot. She always took your breath away, but now, walking toward you, wearing the most magnificent white dress felt like falling in love with her even more, if that was possible.

As she kissed her mum and dad goodbye and stood next to you, your brain was still trying to find the right words and all you could do was mutter out incomprehensible words, making her laugh at you.

“I take it you like it?”

“Do I like it? It’s pure perfection,” you looked at her with heart-shaped eyes. “I mean… I would like it even more off, but we’ll get to that later, right?” you muttered the last part, but everyone on the front rows heard you loud and clear, making them chuckle.

Someone clearing their throat caught your attention.

“We are all gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Florence and Y/n,” he started.

“There’s no need to be so formal, Tobs,” Florence chuckled as her brother began his duties as the wedding officer.

He completely ignored her and continued on, “I never thought I would see the day that one of the humans I care most in this world would be getting married, but here we are,” he said with a smile on his face. “And I can't believe that person is marrying my little sister,” he joked. “Seriously, Y/n, now is the time to turn back.”

You felt your nerves washing away by laughter as Florence gave Toby the death glare, making everyone in the room laugh as well.

“Okay, I’m done with the jokes. But in all seriousness, I couldn’t be happier for the two of you. Alright, enough with my words, I believe you two have your own vows, right? Flor, care to go first?”

The blonde nodded to her brother and got her eyes on your frame, as she took your hands in between hers, she began her speech.

“It’s funny, you know. When I sat down to write this, I thought I would have so much to say to you,” she said as her eyes got watery. “But not really,” your heart sank at her words, you were not expecting that. “You see, there are not enough words to express my feelings toward you,” she cleared her throat to stop the lump from forming. “There really isn't. But because you mean everything to me, I’ll try to put it into words. You are the air in my lungs, the blood running through my veins, the atoms that make me. You are just my other half, my better half. And I genuinely believe I couldn’t live without you. So, today I completely give myself to you, knowing that you will take me.”

You were a crying mess, sobbing so hard that Toby had to hand you some tissues.

“I love you so much, Y/n. I couldn’t be happier that I get to call you mine.”

“Fuck,” you muttered as you wiped away your tears. “Did I ruin my make-up?” you asked, turning to your family making them laugh once again.

“That was… actually really sweet, Flor. Gob job,” Toby congratulated his sister. “Now, Y/n, it’s your turn to make us all cry.”

“I should've gone first, there is no way I am beating that up,” you joked. You cleared your throat. “So, when Florence and I met, believe it or not, we kinda hated each other,” everyone in the room gasped. “Yeah, I know, it’s crazy. Turns out we were just horny.”

“Y/n!” Florence gently smacked you.

“Okay, no. That’s a lie, I was the horny one,” you laughed. “But either way, it doesn’t change the fact that the moment I had a piece of you, the real you, I just couldn't get enough. You intoxicated me, you were a drug and I became an addict depending on you. You still have that power over me and you will have it until the day that I die. And it’s funny because, I used to believe I disliked you, but then I realised you were just so easy to love. Loving you is like breathing, I don’t think about it, I just do. And I know that if I ever stop loving you, it’s because I stopped breathing. And all I want to do, until that day comes, is to love you as if I was taking my last breath,” you squeezed her hands to which she muttered, afraid the words wouldn’t come out of her lips properly, an ‘I love you’ with tears running down her cheeks.

“That was really sweet, too,” Toby said, wiping away a tear. “So,” he said once he gathered himself, “with that being said. I declared, the two of you, married,” you and Florence couldn't contain your smiles. “You may kiss the… oh, you two are already at it,” Toby interrupted himself as he saw Florence kissing your lips like her life depended on it. And, maybe, it did.

[...]

Someone clicking their fork to their champagne glass caught both Florence’s and your attention, your heart sank with excitement as you watched your parents trying to get everyones’ attention.

“Good evening, everyone,” your mum started. “We just couldn’t stop ourselves,” she chuckled.

“We won’t tell you about Y/n’s embarrassing moments, that’s for the bridesmaid,” your dad joked as he winked at you. “But we do have some words for both of you,” he smiled at you and your wife.

“We just wanted to say thank you, to you Florence. Our baby has never looked this happy and it is all because of you, and as parents we couldn't be more thankful for that,” your mum said. “There’s not a single day that she goes by without a smile, and you are the reason behind that smile. So, thank you.”

You took a quick look at Florence, and her eyes were already watery, once again. She could only nod at her, since she believed no words would come out of her lumped throat.

“And, Y/n, baby. We are so happy you found someone as amazing as Florence. As your dad, it gives me peace of mind knowing that you get to share the rest of your life with her, since she’s just everything I could ever dream for you.”

You mouthed and ‘I love you’ to your parents, with glassy eyes.

“If I may add,” Flor’s dad chimed in. “We also have something we want to say,” he chuckled as he gestured to his wife to get up with him as well. “I believe you've already heard this a million times already, Y/n. But, Deb and I just can't stress this enough. We are delighted for you to be part of our ‘little’ family.”

“We love you as if you were one of our own, Y/n. And it just means the word that you love our baby girl just as much as we do,” Deborah, Florence’s mum, said to you. “So, here’s to the newly married couple,” she said, raising her glass as everyone followed suit.

“Wait!” you heard someone scream. “I also want to say,” your best friend and bridesmaid said. “This isn’t part of the bridesmaid’s speech, but I just couldn’t miss the opportunity,” she made the whole room chuckled. “I’ve known Y/n pretty much my entire life. Where she went I would follow and where I went I just had to look over my shoulder and I knew she would be there. The thing is, you and I, we had been through thick and thin,” she said looking at you. “And now, it’s your freaking wedding day. I couldn’t be prouder and happier for you, Y/n. Florence might be your other half, but you know you and I are the same. And I am just so relieved that you have found her, someone who sees and loves you for who you are,” she smiled at the both of you. “So, finally, here’s to the newly married couple.”

Everyone cheered as they drank from their champagne glass.

“Okay, enough with the cheesy speeches for the moment,” you heard Raffie, pretty much taking over the schedule of the wedding as Florence’s bridesmaid. “It’s time for the wedding waltz,” the little Pugh looked at you and Florence and gestured for the two of you to do your part.

“Shall we?” you said, sticking out your hand for Florence to take, wiping away your tears as Florence did the same.

“Yes, we shall,” she couldn't contain the smile forming on her lips.

“It’s perfect, isn’t it?” you muttered into her ear as she led the dance, like she always would.

“Yeah, it’s more than perfect,” she said, snuggling into you. “You know, this is it, right? No turning back, you heard Toby.”

“Yep, loud and clear. But I wouldn't change it for anything in the word,” you kissed her neck. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

#florence pugh #florence pugh x reader #florence pugh x fem reader #florence pugh x you #florence pugh x y/n #florence pugh fluff #florence pugh imagine #requests by lovely anons ‘๑’#littlexscarletxwitch's fic

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undead-supernova · 20 hours

Text

Right Here, Right Now

Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 (TBC)

Masterlist

plot: corroded coffin's eddie munson agrees to an interview for the first time in three years, alongside a new album that is most definitely about you.

Pairings: modernrockstar!Eddie x fem!popstar!Reader (curvy!reader, bisexual!reader)

Warnings: talks of familial death, depressing lyricism, angst

wc: 4.1k

note: I also wrote all of the lyrics in this chapter and made the images above of the album's cover and tracklist. I feel so proud of how much my hard work is paying off. DON'T USE THESE LYRICS ANYWHERE ELSE THANK YEW

Just one more mile.

You could do it. No, really, you could.

Tour really was coming up in the next six months and you had to build up your stamina now or else you weren’t going to survive. Things really were better now, though. You’d gotten rid of your personal trainer and switched to someone who did not suggest that you stop eating. It seemed like Sophia was a better fit anyways. If anything, she told you to eat more.

So here you were, on your poor attempt at a night run.

And you promised yourself that you wouldn’t think about him and how his album was dropping any day now.

Definitely, definitely not.

It was nearly midnight anyways, a few out from the witching hour but that’s not how it went for you. If anything, you were cursed with the threat of midnight being the worst hour of each day. It was like some switch flicked on and you were a mess of a woman, splayed out in bed and thinking. Furiously scribbling in a notebook as you lost to the thoughts in your head. Curled up in a ball in the shower, the white noise perfect for your never-ending thinking.

And who could forget sitting in your kitchen with a bowl of Kraft mac and cheese. Don’t forget the thinking.

Thinking about Eddie. His voice. The way he was willing to give you more than you deserved without any rhyme or reason. How desperate you felt to reconnect, to apologize profusely and beg for some semblance of forgiveness.

And now you were here, trying to outrun your problems while watching the headlights passing the windowpane.

Tried to stop thinking about how at any moment, Eddie could show up and you’d fall into his arms without any question. You’d tell him it didn’t matter. None of it did. And he’d say he wasn’t mad anymore and that he missed you and then you’d go on living like you once did.

Before you could lose yourself to wishing on headlights, a notification popped up on your phone.

Spotify exclusive: Listen to Corroded Coffin’s new album now!

Without any warning, you lost your footing on the treadmill and fell backwards. Hit your head on the floor, stunned. Let the pain throb in your head for only a few seconds before you dragged your body upright and clicked on the album.

Your eyes scanned the track list, heart pumping incessantly as a bead of blood rushed down your forehead.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Quickly, you threw yourself into the shower to wash off before grabbing headphones and padding into your walk-in closet. Situated yourself in the back corner, your body fitting snuggly in isolation.

And as you pressed that green play button, your grief washed over you at every line you called your favorite.

Welcome Home

“Dad’s disappearing acts and the award-winning smile

saying ‘sure, I’ll be comin’ back’

Well, I guess we’re both suckers for a little hope every once in a while

And, mom, is that why you stayed? Waited up praying, decaying all alone

Just so one day, you’d be able to say, ‘Welcome home’.”

Fever

“How could you ever fight a fever? God dammit, she’s more than a flame

Got her pinning me down, locked inside her heat wave

Sweat dripping, flesh gripping, I melt from her gaze

Just one more round, promise I’ll behave

Come on, darling, why don’t you set me ablaze?”

The Cost

“I ruined all the plans that hadn’t been made

Loving you as the bellbirds erupted in a haunted chorus

Rosy pink clouds turned into showers of blood and hate

I’m trying, baby, I’m trying to find a way out for us

But isn’t that the cost, darling?

Isn’t that the price of being with me?”

Tailor-Made

“We’re the only ones walking through the neighborhood

Sweetheart, don’t you think I know how to hide?

I’d never speak it, but I’d buy every house if I could

Marry you in secret, raise our kids benevolent and kind.”

Rose Petals (Interlude)

“Take a boy-turned-man, crucifying himself at your altar

Convince him your devoted infatuation will never falter

Paint his skies a vibrant pink then turn him into sheet metal

Leave him bleeding out, fractured, scattered like rose petals.”

As Good As Dead

“What’s more cliché than a man saying he’d die without your love

At least if I had an open vein, I’d feel something better than being numb

‘There’s no such thing as fate’ my thoughts screamed so fucking loud

But there was comfort in blind faith, that ill-fated crowd

Had a grip on your throat. Shit, maybe it always has

But now that I’m as good as dead, I can’t help my bitter laugh.”

A Mirage of Lovers

“There sat Elizabeth and Al,

on the front porch of their first house

Blind with momentary affection

And I swear when I looked at you,

I thought you were a lasting confection

But I swear there’s a mirage of lovers

Blurring in its reflection.”

Deluge

“It’s all there in my head, all in disarray

A cesspool of memories, a desperation for change

Fought for my life, thought it was so I could see you

Mother, I know that you’re not here, I’m still trying to heal

But please tell me now that love has always been real

Yet I wonder if you ever believed it yourself."

Hotwire

“Al loved a nice Hotwire

Pull ‘em apart, let them fray, twist ‘em till they go insane

And, yeah, I guess everyone I love is the same.”

Fallen Hero (Interlude)

“Every time I pick up a pen

It’s destined to dry out

And I refuse to go outside, refuse to call my friends

What’s the point when they’ll never understand?

I’ll leave myself behind just to have a pinch of hope

But I come back down from daydreams covered in blood

Just gotta learn to change, learn to change

Learn to accept being the fallen hero."

Intangible

“There’s beauty in the ways of intangibility

Like the touch of a woman in blushing gardens far away

�� The curve of her hips blooming in shades of futility

Laughter billowing like smoke lingering in the archway

And there’s places she will never be able to evade

A bouquet, a veil, a lover lying await in the shade.”

Out of My Hands

“If I could hear your knock, brought back by my revery

Each rap, each tap still committed to my memory

But that’s up to you, darling, it’s all up to you

And it’s the end I’m stalling, just for you

And I love you, baby. I love you

I hope you know I always will

Even if it’s out of my hands.”

Wayne

“There’s a new family in the trailer, I really wish I could believe it

'Cause once I thought we'd buckle under the weight of all that labor

No more scrounging up pennies for another first-aid kit

And you’re not here, Wayne. No, you’re not here.”

Lighter

“Give me back my lighter, any excuse to see you

Let it flicker, sit by the flame from sunrise ’til noon

Come running back, consider your exile foregone

I choose you in the low glow of dusk, love you ‘til dawn.”

Makeup starting to smudge, an outrageously expensive crop top and skirt still on, you threw off your pumps and let your aching feet lead you to the kitchen. Your black, white, and neon orange plaid outfit reflected vibrantly off the refrigerator light as you decided instead to make crescent rolls. Why the fuck not?

You were absolutely exhausted. Sleep hadn’t been an option for you in the last twenty-four hours, what with Corroded Coffin’s album keeping you awake and the promo you’d done all day. When you’d finally arrived back to your small California home, you were irritated and in desperate need of some food.

However, as the oven began to preheat, your jumbled thoughts kept piling on top of one another. The fog was too loud for you, having to rush to your living room to grab one of your many notebooks and pens. Sat at the island and just journaled.

It was hard enough knowing that Eddie had written all of that for you. About you. The disappointment, the self-loathing. The guilt of not feeling good enough. Searching through the past mistakes of his parents to make sense of the way you fell apart. As if that was the inevitable ending to any story he was destined to begin.

You felt sick.

And even though you ate every single crescent roll, your words just sunk into the page. You could’ve sworn a third of the notebook itself was smeared in grease and flakes and the intense shame rising in your chest. It was everything you’d hated about the last six months and more, all the goddamn childish emotions and wails of what was fair and what wasn’t. As if this hadn’t been your decision in the first place.

Enough was enough when you finished your plate.

“Okay,” you mumbled to yourself before letting out a sound of frustration. “Distraction. Now.”

Grabbing your laptop, you threw yourself on your couch and logged onto YouTube. Maybe you’d watch a deep dive on an amusement park. Catch up on some commentary. Look up that one video of baby sloths talking that usually had you crying from affection.

But there on the front page was an interview with Corroded Coffin on the new album. There’d already been over a million views despite being posted that morning. Something pooled in your abdomen as you saw the thumbnail, all the members posing together.

And you knew you shouldn’t.

But fuck it, what’s a little more salt to your never-ending wounds?

As you clicked on the video, some interviewer you hadn’t heard of popped up smiling before he spoke.

“Hi, my name is Marcus Sanderson and today I’m interviewing one of the most successful metal bands in recent history, Corroded Coffin. They have been hitting commercial success lately, after their incredible album, Fire Shroud, held electronic influences which have begun to redefine and evolve the genre for the modern age.

"Their most recent album, Elizabeth & Al, has only propelled them forward. I was given the rare opportunity to talk to Eddie, Jeff, Gareth, Grant, and Ronnie about not only their writing and producing process, but their personal lives.

“First, we’ll open up with a cover of one of the band’s favorite songs of all time, ‘Solitude’ by Black Sabbath.”

It cut to the band and you couldn’t help a frustrated whine leaving your mouth at seeing him again. And, Jesus Christ, Eddie was fit like a daydream, donning a black Guns N’ Roses t-shirt with dark jeans and a long-sleeved plaid shirt tied at the waist. A shiny leather jacket, some custom-made Converse with Corroded Coffin across the bottom. Rings and bracelets galore, an obsidian choker hanging low on his neck. Black eyeliner that had wings along his lower lash line.

You didn’t think you’d ever felt so fucking weak for him.

He stood without his guitar for once, his full attention on his singing. Jeff, Gareth, Grant, and Ronnie were all decked out too, makeup mirroring Eddie’s. All looking refreshed and well-rested. You noticed there was someone else there in the background playing the flute and as they started the song with a gentle solo, it sounded ethereal.

“My name, it means nothing. My fortune is less

My future is shrouded in dark wilderness.”

Eddie avoided the camera, eyes darting around the room. You could see his fingers shaking, white-knuckled around the microphone despite the stability of the stand.

“Sunshine is far away, clouds linger on

Everything I possessed, now they are gone

They are gone.”

Absentmindedly chewing on your lip, you couldn't help but let it sink in. This wasn't just the band's favorite Black Sabbath song—this was Eddie's. He'd told you how the song ripped him apart. How he'd rather die than to ever relate to it personally.

“Oh, where can I go to and what can I do?

Nothing can please me, only thoughts are of you

You just left when I begged you to stay.”

He leaned back as he began to change the notes of the lyrics, his voice building into a belt. Like it was a wail, like he was the most furious man alive.

“I’ve not stopped crying since you went away

You went away…”

The instrumental sounded, the flute having its own solo. Extending the moment, extending the devastation that was demolishing your soul.

Eddie was crying now, wiping the corners of his eyes in the background. Smearing his eyeliner like he didn't care, nose tinged pink through the makeup. And when he came back to the mic, you could see the pain sitting in his eyes. All glassy, all excruciatingly fragile.

“The world is a lonely place, you’re on your own

Guess I will go home, sit down and mourn

Crying and thinking is all that I do

Memories I have remind me of you

Of you.”

The footage blurred, fading before cutting to Eddie sitting alone in a chair with the interviewer opposite him. Like they were in a house, all casual and at ease.

“We’re starting off by talking to the front man, Eddie Munson,” Marcus said to the camera, smiling before turning his attention back to Eddie. “It’s nice to see you, man. You look great.”

Eddie chuckled. “Great to be back.”

Marcus nodded. “That cover of ‘Solitude’ was incredible, by the way.”

You could see some color flood into Eddie’s cheeks. “Ah, thanks. Thank you.”

“Do you feel like you’ve been in a period of solitude?”

“Uh, to be honest, kinda. I know people are, like, freaking out just ‘cause I haven’t been in public.”

“Where’ve you been?”

“Just making sure I’m focused on the work,” He gestured to himself before mimicking a pushing motion “and not on the external stuff, you know?”

“As we all should. Would you tell me a bit about your new album? Personally, I’m curious as to why you specifically named it Elizabeth & Al.”

“Yeah, uh, those are my parents’ names. My mom passed away when I was a kid and my dad…well, he wasn’t the best. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about what happens when two people who love each other just end up falling apart. Like, you just feel like you’re as good as dead, you know? And I wondered if my parents had that sort of crash and burn before she died.

“I don’t talk about it much, but my dad had a lot of issues with addiction and gambling and crime after my mom died. I didn’t grow up with the generic parent bleep. It was more like I was his friend than a son and sometimes I was a business partner. And, I don’t know, I grew up thinking that love could’ve been so simple if he gave just a little bit of effort. But I still thought he and my mom had a simple love.”

“I’m guessing they didn’t.”

Eddie let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah, no. My dad was never really good at maintaining, like, any kind of control. And it’s so weird ‘cause all he ever did was try to have control over things. But it was self-sabotage, I think. He was never in control over his life. It felt so predestined.”

“What about your mom?”

He shrugged. “I’m not really sure. I think she just wanted love. Like, grasping for that shred of love that he provided every once in a while. ‘Cause it’s not like my dad was incapable of love. Just incapable of giving her everything. Maybe I’m projecting now, but you know what I mean.”

“So, is this album from the perspective of your parents?”

“Not exactly,” Eddie said, shaking his head. “They’re kinda just the reflection, you know? Like what I say on ‘A Mirage of Lovers’. Our parents end up being a kind of mirror we hold up to ourselves. And I think it’s up to us to decide if we’ll continue that cycle or not—especially in the face of heartbreak and loss. ‘Cause you can easily sit there and accuse yourself of being like your father or your mother. But ultimately, you’re just you. You’re not your parents.”

“And you wrote all of this within the last six months, correct?”

“Yeah, it was weird. Like, I just couldn’t stop writing. I was in such a dark place and the only thing I did was sit and write. And the band is so bleeping incredible. I showed them what I was thinking, and they were super, super receptive to it. And we got to work and got it done faster than anything else we’ve made.”

Marcus smiled, something genuine and real, shaking his head in disbelief. “That timeline really does shock me, just because it’s so seamless. There’s all these tiny details and every song just flows into one another.”

“Thanks, man. That means a lot. We kinda thought that having all the songs connect was sorta like, um, a stream of consciousness, essentially.” He started gesturing with his hands and you knew he was getting more comfortable. It almost made you smile. “Like, these thoughts all run together in a big loop. Like having one of those corkboards with all the evidence and red strings, you know? All of it just ends up running together and there’s no concrete answer. It just is.

“And, man. Jeff, Gareth, Grant, and Ronnie are just the best. They know me better than almost anyone and they seemed to automatically get what they needed to do. Just, like, boom, boom, boom. One after the other, we just got everything right. No one else helped produce this album and I think it shows just how much we’ve learned and evolved over our careers.”

You felt something freeze inside you when the interviewer mentioned your name.

Eddie tried his best to seem unaffected, but you knew he was starting to squirm. You could see the top of his knee as it bounced.

“Are you two still together?” Marcus asked. “What’s the story there?”

Eddie’s eyes wandered the room, probably trying to calculate the best way to go. You selfishly wanted him to say nothing about the breakup, to refuse to confirm that it was truly over.

He cleared his throat before scratching his temple.

“My relationship with her is private and just between us. It always has. But I guess since I finally have a chance to say whatever I want to say, I want to make it very clear that the way the media has treated her has been just disgusting and unwarranted. She is not some plastic, shiny doll for everyone to point and laugh at."

Eddie then straightened his posture as he looked straight into the camera. "Oh, and let me be clear. If you’re sitting there talking about her bleeping body, then you are a piece of bleeping bleep and I hope you burn in hell.”

Just like that, Marcus Sanderson moved on, the shot cutting away to a shot of the rest of the band sitting on a couch. But you weren’t listening anymore. Your head was swirling with a concoction of disbelief and epiphanies. Something…clicked.

Because you’d never had a partner mention you on a public scale. Never had a partner willing to scream your love from the top of the world and still retain privacy. Never had someone so willing to defend you despite your faults. Despite your arguments and downfalls.

And you were realizing that you…had done none of that for Eddie.

You’d sat there, in a dreamy haze because Eddie gave you everything he had. But had you really done any of those things back? Had you given him an ounce of what he gave you?

You thought back to the AMAs, when you walked around your answers. Nearly yelled at him for standing up for you. Dropped his hand when he wanted to tell you how proud he was. Hell, you even broke up with him because of what other people said. He thought you wanted nothing from him, that you weren’t interested anymore.

You never even said you loved him to his face.

You treated him exactly the way all your past partners treated you.

Eddie Munson had given you his world and you’d given him a fraction.

“I fucked up,” you whispered before you really processed what was happening. “I FUCKED UP!” you screeched, scrambling to stand up and check your phone.

1:13am.

Immediately dropped it, watching it slide under the couch.

“FUCK!” you screamed again.

Dropping to your knees and enduring the carpet burn, you reached down and felt around for your phone. But you froze as you felt something else, something smaller in size. Pulled it out, recognizing Eddie’s lighter immediately.

You flicked the lighter on, only encountering sparks the first two times. But when you watched it transform into a flame, something in your chest began to ache. It was the kindling of a once-wet fireplace, the first stroke of fire you’d felt in months. Teardrops fell freely down your chest as you found the will to fight.

Fight for what you knew you could never live without.

Fight for Eddie.

Give me back my lighter, any excuse to see you

Come running back, consider your exile foregone

Without any thought, you stuffed it into your top, found your phone, and popped up to search for some socks. Barely registered the color before yanking them on. You didn’t care how dressed up you were or how oily your face felt. How exhausted your body was or the residue of a crescent roll sticking to the side of your mouth.

You had to get to wherever Eddie was, and you had to get there now. If you didn’t talk to him tonight, you didn’t know if you’d make it to daylight.

But where was he?

The thought made you pause, hands shaking as you thought.

And before the panic could completely consume you, you called the one person who seemed to know everything.

“Woah, hello there.”

“Jeff.”

“Hey, long time no see. Where you been?”

“Jeff, I’m sorry, but I really need you to tell me if Eddie is in California right now.”

“Uh, yeah, he is.” You tugged your white Keds on, breathing a sigh of relief. “He’s been holed up in his place for the last few days. Why?”

“I just need to talk to him,” you said, nearly out of breath as you started sprinting to the garage. “I need to talk to him.”

“Ever thought about calling?”

“Nope.”

Jeff’s laughter rang through the receiver. “You’re crazy, girl. I’ll give you that one.” A huff left your nose as you climbed into your car. “You gonna tell him you’re in love with him?”

“Yeah, yeah I am.”

“Finally.”

“Are you mad at me?” you asked, dreading any answer he’d give.

“Not at all. Just don’t leave him hanging this time, okay? He hasn’t been okay in a really long time.”

“Neither have I. I’m hoping to fix this and let it stay fixed.”

“Go get your man.”

As the garage door lifted, you noticed the pouring rain.

Of course it started fucking storming within the last hour and a half you’d been home. Of fucking course.

“Bye, Jeff,” you said quickly.

“Bye, girl!”

As you filed out of your driveway, a black SUV was already pulling out behind you. The protection was part of the job. You knew this. But sometimes, you just wanted to tell Scott that you had shit to do on your own.

But there was no time for this.

You just continued to drive, letting the soft hum of “The Long And Winding Road” by The Beatles lead you right back to the very place you knew you belonged.

“Scott,” James acknowledged.

“James.”

It felt like a showdown, Scott stepping in front of you at the gates. As soon as you’d arrived, you’d been prevented from pulling into the driveway. And it was James who’d crossed his arms over his dauntingly ripped chest, staring you down like you’d committed a crime.

You couldn’t blame him.

“What’s the situation?”

You tried not to roll your eyes. “I need to talk to Eddie.”

“It’s two in the morning. Kid finally fell asleep for once.”

“Let her in, James,” Scott said. “They’re people. Just let them figure it out on their own without us.”

“I really want to fix this,” you explained, earning a lifted eyebrow from James. “He’s everything to me and I know I screwed up. I know that. But I want to at least try to mend this. I’m a fucking idiot. Just…please.” Your eyes began to water. “Please let me try.”

James gave you a hard stare for what felt like ten minutes. Like he was assessing the risk.

But then he opened the gate, stepping to the side.

“Thank you,” you breathed, rushing past him to the door.

You knocked quite rapidly, your heartbeat matching the pace. Heard it pulse in your ears. Teetered on each foot as the adrenaline continued to catapult you further into madness. Waiting and waiting and waiting until—

There he was, barely visible in the glow of the front porch light, eyes squinting. Messy curls frizzing, wearing a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants. No accessories, no socks on his feet.

It seemed like he finally registered it was you when he straightened his posture. Eddie gazed down at your body and back up again, eyes widening with every passing second.

“Hey,” you finally whispered.

“Hey.”

bless @strangergraphics for always having the sickest dividers.

#Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson x you #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson angst #modern!eddie munson #modern!eddie x reader #Eddie Munson x female reader #boyfriend!eddie munson #rockstar!eddie #rockstar eddie munson #rockstar!Eddie x reader #rockstar!Eddie x you #modern!Eddie x you #boyfriend!Eddie x reader

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green-typewriterz · 2 days

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Some hurt/comfort with sam please?

When the Sun Hits

Sam Winchester x gn!reader

summary: set in 2001, you and Sam finally get the chance to go to prom together

Ask: Some hurt/comfort with sam please?

Warnings: injury, mention of blood, sam is pining and awkward

Author Notes: thank you for this ask my love! Sorry for disappearing for so long, i got a new hyperfix im sure many of you can understand! Also I took what I had an ran with it so sorry if this wasn’t what you imagined!

word count: 2135

SOMETIME IN 2001 - FEBRUARY

Sam sat across the room from you, his chair far in the back and to the left whereas you sat to the front…you had pulled the short straw. You found yourself turning around every now and then, locking eyes across the room, trying to get him to laugh. He was in one of his bad moods today, hair in front of his eyes and hood up. You and Dean had pretty much accepted the fact that you’d be moving around alot, your families working together as hunters but Sam wasn’t as happy about it. He didn’t want to leave again.

“Y/N,” the teacher began and you spun back around, eyes wide. “Eyes on the front please, Sam doesn’t need you distracting him.” You nodded and got back to work, though you could feel Sam’s gaze burning on the back of your head.

You had known Sam for as long as you could remember, the two of you used to share toys while your parents were out hunting with John. He was always a shy kid, but this year seemed to be the worst of it. Maybe he was going through a phase.

Class finally ended and you packed up your books before heading to the back of the class, kneeling down and leaning against Sam’s desk. He looked up and smiled, muttering a quiet, “hi.” you grinned and grabbed his bag, watching as he pushed the hair away from his eyes (it had been longer than usual lately).

“Are you still upset about moving again?” You asked, walking alongside him, his hand gently holding yours. Sam sighed, shaking his head as you made your way out of the school and toward the same motel you had been staying for the past few months.

He ran his spare hand through his hair. “It’s just…we’ve just got comfortable here. I’ve actually made friends that aren’t you or Dean. I just wish we never-.” He stopped himself short. It was a stupid thing to wish.

“I know,” You replied. He wished his family weren’t hunters. You both stopped in front of his door, staring at each other silently. It wouldn’t be long before Dean got back and started his relentless teasing, so with one final goodbye, you went your separate ways.

That evening was wholly uneventful, an hour or two of homework, some research for your dad then the sweet and familiar feeling of zoning out while listening to Deftones on your hard motel bed. ‘Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want.’ had just faded out when there was a gentle knock on the door, one you recognised. You opened the door and took in the smiling sight of your best friend. He was wearing an oversized tee with a blue dog on it that you had given him and a pair of pyjama bottoms. He looked much more comfortable than he felt.

Sam had been building up his courage since the beginning of the year and, knowing the both of you would still be on the case when it rolled around, he wanted to ask you to prom. Even if it were just as a friend.

“Hey Sammy,” you smiled and stepped to the side to let him in, noticing how he was fiddling with the strings of his pyjamas. He was nervous. “You ok?” It was a simple question, but from the look on his face you would’ve assumed you had asked him to marry you.

He laughed slightly and scratched the back of his neck, replying, “all good, just wanted to come chat!” He smiled awkwardly. God, he thought, he was already blushing. He sat across from you, slightly wet hair brushed to the side and fluttering eyes locked on yours.

You laughed at his nerves but pressed play on your music again, turning the volume down so ‘when the sun hits’ could gently sit underneath your conversation.

“Y’know,” he began, hands fidgeting, “We’re gonna be in Oregon until spring, which means we’ll actually graduate this time.” he spoke, voice soft and wavering. “So um-”

He cut himself off, not knowing how to ask. He had wanted to do something nicer, get you flowers or something, but it hadn’t exactly gone to plan (that and Dean had told him to do it now before he got too nervous). You put your hand on his to stop it from shaking and urged him to keep talking and he smiled so softly you could’ve imagined it.

He breathed out before speaking again, “I was thinking we could go to prom? Together?” You went still. That’s what he had been nervous about.

“As friends?”

He seemed to shrink. “Uhm, yeah, if that’s what you’d want.” Sam was downtrodden, though he had expected you to take it this way, it still stung.

You smiled gently. “I’d love to go with you, but maybe not as just…friends.”

He looked up, confused for a moment. You had said yes. Blush bit at his ears as he fought the urge to get up and physically jump for joy. “I’d like that.” He managed to get out before standing again, you joining him by the door.

“I should probably head back, dad will be wondering where I am.” Though you both knew the statement wasn’t true at all, you agreed and let him walk out the door.

“Sam.”

He spun back around on his heel and you stepped closer, placing a kiss on his cheek. To him, it felt so gentle, like the breeze gently brushing his face, but it still brought up a blush so aggressive it felt like he was on fire.

SOMETIME IN 2001 - PROM

It was a few weeks before graduation, which meant it was prom night. You were sat in your motel room, in the nicest outfit you could find for cheap, waiting for Sam to finish getting ready. Since asking you to prom, the two of you had spent every waking moment together though you weren’t, as Dean would say, official yet (despite being only a label away from it).

Eventually, he walked out of the bathroom in a simple navy suit, one that matched your own outfit almost perfectly. You had both found them by chance in separate thrift stores and found yourself extremely lucky when they not only fit, but matched. “You look so handsome.” you said as he fiddled with his tie, trying to get it to sit right. Eventually, he gave up and gave you a look of desperation, asking you to do it for him with his eyes alone.

His gaze never left you as you fixed the tie, gentle hands righting the knot. Sam had planned tonight out to a tee: Dean was going to drive the both of you in their dad’s impala and then he’d get permission to take three (which was masterfully negotiated down from ten by Sam) photos. Then, he’d link his arm in yours like a gentleman and walk you into the gym. From there, his dancing skills took charge.

Each part of the plan went well and it was the middle of the night before either of you took a break to get a drink. There was a tired flush on both of your faces and a glint in Sam’s eyes you hadn’t seen since you were young. It was there, the two of you were sat when ‘your song’ came on. The song Sam had asked you to prom with (though it was more of a coincidence).

The boy took your hand gently and led you to the dancefloor again, his hands finding a place on your hips. You wrapped your arms around his neck and swayed gently, humming along to the song and staring into Sam’s eyes. The night was perfect.

Or would’ve been.

There was an impossibly loud crash and both you and Sam stared at each other in a split-second of recognition before the gymnasium went dark. Screams erupted from the crowd but the two of you stayed calm, quickly retrieving your respective silver blades that John had forced you to keep that night. Sam was furious. John had promised he would chase the monster in the opposite direction. The man had lied. In the panic, the two of you had been separated and you knew better than to call out for him in the dark school corridor.

You had prepared for this, trained. But you had never actually fought a monster before. Your hands shook from fear and tears glistened on your cheeks as you gingerly made your way down the hall. Your only lightsource was the large, dirty skylight that sat at the far end of the hallway and you found yourself glad - for the first time ever - that it was a full moon. Light trickled through the glass, fragmenting when a crack or some growing mould got in its path.

There was a growl from behind you and you stiffened, chills running down your spine. You turned slowly, eyes shut tight. You weren’t meant to be scared, you had been taught to not be afraid - so why couldn’t you find it in you to be brave. Your eyes opened and locked with the werewolf that was a mere centimetre from you now.

You gripped the blade with a sweaty palm and shoved it forward, piercing through the monster’s heart, though not before it could bring its claws down across your face. You both cried out and fell to the ground, you clutching your face and the werewolf growing still. “Y/N!” Sam called out as he sprinted over. Within a second, his hand was under your head and he was cradling you close to him.

Sam was hurt too, grazes littering his skin and a cut pulling at his lip - though he found that unimportant compared to the overwhelming amount of blood that seeped from your face.

“You’re ok.” He whispered, “You’ll be ok.”

THAT EVENING

You leaned against Sam as he got the first aid kit ready, having previously cleaned his own injuries as quickly as he could. Tears mixed with the blood on your face and Sam had to fight not to cry too, he hated seeing you hurt. “This is going to hurt, Y/n/n,” He began, eyes wrought with sympathy and a dusting of tears, “I’m so sorry.” he whispered and you nodded, preparing yourself. He moved his spare hand to the least injured part of your cheek for both control and comfort then gently let the alcohol John had provided trickle over your injuries.

You let your hand rest on his forearm, his mint breath fanning your face as you held in your tears with sharp breaths. “I killed them.” You whispered and Sam looked at you in empathy. He knew exactly how you felt. He didn’t want to shush you, (he didn’t know why people did that) he knew you needed to cry - but at the same time he didn’t want you to feel guilty.

“He was going to kill you. You did the right thing.”

You sighed, breathing shaky from the tears that stuck in your throat. “It doesn’t feel like that.” Sam stopped what he was doing and pulled away, eyes meeting yours.

He smiled gently. “You saved so many people, Y/n. no one in there would have been as brave as you.” Sam whispered and you nodded, finally finding it in yourself to agree with him. He gave you a break from cleaning the injury for a while and you got a better chance to look at him.

There were rips in his tux, some tinged with deep red stains and his previously white shirt was littered with mud stains. Cuts littered his arms and face while a particularly vicious bruise was slowly forming on his jawline. Despite all of this, he still looked handsome - you found it difficult to look away.

He knew what he was doing well enough, sanitise everything, clean the wound and then pray you didn’t need stitches - still, he couldn’t stop the anxiety from filling his mind. Sam was gentle, it was just who he was. Soft, caring hands worked quickly and lovingly while he muttered words of comfort. You were incredibly lucky, the wound was mostly superficial.

Both you and Sam sighed in relief as he placed the butterfly closure tape to each major point of the scratch mark. “See,” he whispered, “Told you you’d be ok.”

You smiled, careful not to tug at the cuts and leaned in, wrapping your arms around him. Sam’s hands found a home in your hair and he gently ran his hands through it as he sighed in comfort. “I’ll always be here for you, Y/n/n.” he whispered, voice strong, honest. You found it easy to believe him.

#fic #fanfic #one shot #writing #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester x you #angst #supernatural #sam winchester x y/n #Sam Winchester x gn!reader #gender neutral reader #gn!reader #young sam #young Sam Winchester #pre show Sam Winchester

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luck-of-the-drawings · 10 months

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DISTRACTIONS sometimes its the drive to help and save our friends that pushes us to learn and to succeed. unfortunately its normally ''unethical'' to replicate that in a classroom setting. I ONLY JUST FINISHED THE LAST PAGE HERE, THE FIRST TWO WERE LITERALLY FROM LAST YEAR, N A FEW MONTHS APART. LOOOOK AT MY EVOLUTION. im very proud of this and bled REALLY HARD FOR THE LAST PAGE. PLEASE ABSORB THIS.

#gillion tidestrider #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #the last page honestly just took super long bc i dropped it for a long while. only recently wiped the dust off o it.#IM RLY PROUD OF ALOT O THINGS ABT THAT LAST PAGE #LIKE THE PERSPECTIVE N THE WIDE SHOTS OR WHATEVER #IT WASNT EASY BUT I MADE IT LOOK GOOD!! IM SO HAPPY WITH IT #I ALSO just really love drawing gillion as soooo small #just a little guy with the weight of the world bolted to his tiny tiny shoulders #n yknow what while im here ill talk abt the first two comics aswell. i like taking inspo from JTHM for this kinda stuff #more specifically SQUEE n the way his dad was just sooo honest and cruel to him. 'yeah its your fault my life sucks' n all that. i imagine #that gillion prolly dealt with alot o that too. i know weve already seen the elders #but i did initially imagine them to be very much like the Tallests from invader zim. they just hate this little guy. hes so small n lame #hes prolly had teachers like that im sure. i like thinkin about gills experience in school!!#i fell in love with him the moment he said that he wasnt good at being a student like girl ME TOOOO WAAAAAA #HE SUCKS In school and everyone is just sooo tired of him but they gotta put up with him bc hes the Chosen One #but GOD they wish they had someone more competent i bet. it was prolly a relief when they banished him #could u imagine being that? someone so insufferable that people sigh in relief when youre gone. poor poor gillion #ANYWAY THATS ALL MY THOUGHTS #TALK ABT UR THOUGHTS IN THE TAGS TOO DIPSHIIITT CMAAAHHNN

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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months

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...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

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thedevotionaltour · 14 days

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thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.

#static.soundz #crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad #bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons #when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words.#i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad #and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason.#it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college #bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection #bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular #but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad)#(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood #so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult.#they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time.#bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now?#why at this moment and no other time?#but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him.#more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.'#it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna #drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me.#i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds #that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year #when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music #i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm #im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.

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hellonoblesky · 2 years

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"Kaeya's dad is a shitty guy who never cared about his son" idea OUT "Kaeya's dad did NOT want to send Kaeya to Mondstadt in fact he fought against it as long as possible but was forced into it and feels guilty about it to this day" idea is IN

#Was tlaking about this with. the essay friend #tumblr user haruhikinnie everyone tahnk them for putting up with me #anywya how tragic would it be if Kaeya's dad was preassured into sending kaeya into mondstadt bc of the Alberich Clan's standing #and he misses him so much. he wishes with every fiber of his being that he could have done something differently #that he could have accompanied Kaeya into mondstadt. that he could have taken his place and kept him safe #how tragic would it be if they reunite and Kaeya's dad is just 'oh my boy my boy i'm so sorry you wer ehere so long I'm soso sorry'#the tragedy of Kaeya's dad still loving him and missing him and Kaeya barely knowing how to even act around him #hmmmmmmnn #genshin impact #genshin lore #kaeya alberich #kaeya lore #'if only i could. id make a deal with god..........................'

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not-actually-human · 3 months

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a year and a half and i can leave. thats all i gotta make it through. thats it

#i hate it here #i need out #GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING ISLAND IM GOING INSANE #im actually slowly losing my mind and this fucking town is too much.#i hate my classmates i hate the people i hate how THERE IS NOTHING TO FUCKING DO HERE #I CANT i dont. i just. i get it. i understand why my parents moved here when they did and if they didnt meet here i wouldnt exist #but i will never forgive them for that. i will never forgive them for having to grow up here #my great grandma died today and i didnt know her at all. i went 16 years and never met one of my cousins #i want to know my family. i want to get out of this FUCKING TOWN #everyone else in my moms family stayed in the same state. same on my dads family #i love my cousins and extended family. i wish. i want to know them better but its almost too late for most of them #anyways i want out. my cousin said that one day i could maybe stay with her and stuff and god i want that so bad #atlas screams into the abyss #vent

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real-life-cloud · 7 months

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#the sky speaks #vent time!!#tw suicidal ideation #i wish i could just hate my mother it would be so much easier #but shes trying so hard and in so much pain #but shes so TIRING to be around !!!!#she got in a wreck this evening. she was drinking and driving around to all of people who don't talk to her anymore #shes getting a dui i guess?#and this is just one thing in a looooong list of shit shes pulled #ive heard her scream and sob so much today. but now shes also saying she wants to die. over n over #full on existential crisis. she feels no purpose and is so lonely #she left this morning to go shopping tyen just never came home. my dad asked me to call her and she answered and just said #i can't. im sorry. and hung up on me. then she turned off her phone and we didnt know where she was for a half hour #and i was so fucjing worried that shed killed herswlf or somthing i couldnr even remember rhe last thing i said to her?#i hugged her for so long when we finally got home #but im just so tired of loving her #shes still down there crying but i cqnt listen tk her anymore. my head is pounding. i wanna sob. i never wanna cry again.#i kinda wanna die too but i feel like i cant tell anyone really. moms such a mess how could i possibly put these feelings onto dad or thomas #and not mom. god. shes thw reason i feel like that. evwry time. im so tired of her falling apart that id rather not be here.#if i had just sucked up being on my period and went shopping with her today this wouldn't have happened. but that shoyldnr be how it is!!!!!#im allowed ro stay home!!! i shouldnr have to babysit her!! but ive felt like i was HER mother aince i was 17 #im just so tired

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sensitivegoblin · 5 months

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Vent

#unsafe vent #I really wish I was dead #my dad is putting so much stress onto me to 'make up' with my sister #which means I gotta apologize to her because SHE read MY personal PRIVATE journal #my family doesn't want me to kill myself and I don't know why #if I was dead no one would be around to make all of you upset #God I'm losing people left and right all I wanna do is go to sleep and never wake up #my dad said such nasty things that night when I needed him #what is the point of therapy if he's just gonna shit on it any chance he gets #I love my family but I wish that they would understand #I told my dad that I was so upset that I wanted to bang my head into the ground #and he said 'you gotta control that.'#what a fucking smart cunty bitch you are!!!!!!! yes I do!!! if only I had someone I could trust to help me!!!!!!!#if I wasn't so scared of Hell I would've been dead by now #I can't even cut cus my stupid razor sucks ass #I get why people do hard drugs now lmao #I would never but the urge to snort and swallow random shit to feel something is rising #I would drink but it gets me so sick it's not worth it #I'm in such a bad mental health spot all I can think about is how easy it would be for someone to take advantage #I dunno how to describe it but it's very dark :(#the only way I can make this all go away is if once again I take the blame #I wish I was more confident I was going yo heaven so I could just end it

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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Right??? Thanks so much! I actually first fell in love with Jo's character when RGGJo's voice lines came out haha, so it's super fun to be able to share them.

But I can think of a couple of reasons for the wild personality gap, and for me it starts at their respective roles. Obviously main antagonist and major supporting character are going to draw different levels of attention to themselves, but I think it's chiefly that RGGJo is not just Jo, but he's both Jo and Masato as one character.

RGGJo is much, much closer in age to Ichi, and though they're not "twins" like Ichi and Masato are (RGGJo is a little more than 2 years older), it's thematically there I think. The whole "twin dragonfish," dark and light, two sides of the same coin kind of thing.

And just as Ichi was initially conceptualized as a sort of "greatest hits compilation" of the previous protagonists' most compelling traits, I think there's a strong case for RGGJo being the same for the previous antagonists--specifically Nishiki, Ryuji, and Mine, who are pretty clearly Yokoyama's favorites anyway lol.

I have a feeling casting has something to do with it as well. RGGJo's actor, Hiroki Takahashi, is actually the exact same age as he is, and he's voiced his fair share of fun, flamboyant villains. If I wanted to speculate, he's also voiced his fair share of BL, so that may be why RGGJo's voice lines have a Certain Slant to them; directing his delivery to capitalize on his established appeal (although he has quite a range) makes sense.

Tsutsumi is also only a few years off from Y7Jo, and he was cast for having the dignity and screen presence to "make every word feel like it might have a deeper meaning." Yokoyama (and Takeuchi) wrote the games, he and Nagoshi handled the casting, and Yokoyama generally handles the voice direction for the main story, so a lot of it's specific to his vision.

Within that context I think it's relevant that he wrote Y7Jo while picturing Tsutsumi specifically. RGGJo was more malleable and less "consequential" in terms of the franchise, so, y'know, why not have a little fun with it? I think that's reflected in their designs as well. RGGJo's is larger-than-life while Y7Jo's is relatively subdued.

Overall, I get the sense RGGJo's role is more akin to "son" and "brother," (aniki, if you will), like Masato, whereas Y7Jo's role is more akin to "co-parent" and "father" and I guess "Evil Stepdad" in a Cinderella kind of way. It's not exact across the board, it's not literal across the board, but it's the archetype, right? And I think that does, exactly like you said, have far-reaching consequences for their backgrounds and who they've become as a result.

BTW, you actually are up to speed on Ichi's story, because uh… that's where it stops lol. It was discontinued at roughly the equivalent of the start of Chapter 12 in 7; the rest of the story was written, but not published. It Kills Me.

But I think, despite any concrete backstory, the implication for RGGJo is that (if I assume he joined earlier than Ichi, which would make sense given he's captain), he was at most 18 or 19 when he joined, and he's exactly the same kind of Arakawa fanboy Ichi is. The 15th anniversary book goes on to say he "was purely in love with [Arakawa]'s greatness" and so cannot tolerate the idea of allowing him to live and die in obscurity at the bottom rungs, of Arakawa being in a position not equivalent to his "greatness" in his eyes.

But Ichi thinks that's regardless of what Arakawa himself may want, since RGGJo is apparently not going to stop until he makes him chairman, which the Arakawa Ichi knows wouldn't really care about. I think there's an interesting mix of selflessness and selfishness in his desires that reminds me of Mine.

And that's explicitly as opposed to Y7Jo, whose loyalty remains the same, but whose feelings and motivations are complicated by the existence of Masato; the usage of "purely" before is notable here, as another suitable translation would be "uncomplicatedly," which to me would suggest that degree of admiration is a component of his loyalty in 7 as well.

So I think you're absolutely right the circumstances with Masato are a major aspect of what's going on with Y7Jo. It's inextricable because he's got this immense gratitude towards Arakawa for raising his son and also a need, a primary driving force, to be a part of his son's life at (almost) all costs. The natural result of that is going to be reluctance to do anything that tips the balance.

I think that's one of the things that make him so compelling, he's forced to make a lot of tough, meaningful decisions and there's often (but not always) no right answer. And that's really clear to see with Aoki, as you say.

(Kind of a side note, but somewhat contrary to the above, Masato may actually have existed in RGGO's timeline. There was a comment from Yokoyama or Takeuchi suggesting he's not in RGGO not because he simply "doesn't exist, but specifically because Arakawa may not have opened the right locker or may not have made it to the lockers in time. I guess the other implication would be that Masato would've been Arakawa's biological son in RGGO instead, since RGGJo would've been too young and there was no need for a switcheroo? It was just an off-hand comment, but it's interesting to think about.)

Also, loved your tags haha. It's SO funny you start off like you're going to say something crazy and then it turns out to actually be something I wanted to write about in the previous ask, but that I cut out because I couldn't make it flow. I guess it might just be the case that I'm crazy on the same wavelength?

But yes! I think a lot of the time, impressions of that aspect Jo's backstory sort of begin and end at Evil Stepdad Perpetuates Cycle Of Abuse, perhaps understandably, but there's genuinely so much that's established in both his and Arakawa's backstories that have clearly stayed with them that I'm positive your take on it is at the very least least true to the character, whether or not it's intentional.

Because like, Arakawa and Jo both came from abusive households. And they're both affected by Aoki's "parental abuse" (although Aoki doesn't know it himself, I guess he doesn't need to). But the way Arakawa has always dealt with abuse is defiance; I think the implication of one of the first scenes is that that's how he got his scar. Jo, on the other hand, has always dealt with abuse with avoidance. Running away. Brushing it under the rug, like he says he and Ikumi had done all their lives; I think that statement's fairly clearly linked to abuse and neglect.

And I think that shows both in Arakawa and Jo's respective responses to traditional authority figures and in how they choose to handle things with Aoki. Arakawa defies Aoki's plans in his own way at every turn, and he ends up getting killed for it. Jo, on the other hand, ignores it until there's nothing left to do but sever himself completely, in the same way there was nothing left to do back then but run. IT'S SO. Ugh.

Each Jo's respective role in the overall plot of their stories definitely plays a part in why they turn out different from each other the way they do; it's interesting to see how RGG decided to handle Jo's character to sort of 'adjust him' to fit better as more of a background figure than The Big Bad, and to especially see how his relationships end up is spectacular. Choosing to divide that devotion between his son and his boss in Y7 is something I'm just positively obsessed with: it's clear he joined the yakuza predominantly for Masato's sake, but the concept of Jo gradually coming to genuinely respect Arakawa as an individual opposed to someone that he just happens to have to follow after because his son's involved heightens him as a character for me (I might have to write a side piece on the psyche of Jo- there's just a bunch of aspects to him that I want to explore better and really intrigue me, but I refuse to try and squeeze any of that into this long-as-is answer lmao).

I definitely recognize Ryuji and Mine the easiest in RGGJo (Mine's influence still persists a bit in Y7 to me, if not solely for his devotion and his own version of The Knife Scene existing as The Eye Scene; though Jo's anger wasn't purely due to Arakawa's death in that scene like Mine's was due to Daigo's 'death', it was clear Arakawa's passing was a sore subject). Jo's dedication to Arakawa in RGGO really is totally reminiscent of Mine's devotion to Daigo: both willing to take drastic measures to secure the ones they idolize the spot they feel they deserve and to exterminate any opposition to that dream (if I'm remembering Mine's RGGO story right wherein he partakes in the Okinawa deal as a HUGE ploy just to secure Daigo remains chairman should he wake up, but I don't have to clarify how that didn't go as planned).

As for Nishiki, it's clear Jo borrows his 'position' in the story, just as Ichi obviously takes Kiryu's. To yoink a phrasing from another ask I got, they're 'dark parallels': though they both clearly want the best for Arakawa, they're going about it in different ways (in that sense, Y7Arakawa's line about him seeing the Arakawa Family as his 'sons' makes this situation a little funny: just two kids fighting each other for what's best for their dad lmao). It's a shame the story didn't go on any more after the Millenium fight, but I'm a little happy knowing in that I'm not missing anything (what I will scratch my head over is what RGGOMasato would've been like. I guess it's not exactly certain whether or not he survived The Locker Incident or he was just so considerably normal he wasn't worth bringing up, but regardless I'll have a ponder about it..). It'd be rad if RGG ever decided to release at least the drafts of the rest of the story one day, but I won't hold my breath.

I've peaked over at Takahashi's past roles (I didn't realize he's voiced so many characters I know omg), and I think that's a fair conclusion to come to: he repertoire combines characters with sort of 'harsh' tones to their voices/dialogue, but as you said he does benefit from having voiced some 'lighter' characters! As for Tsutsumi, I think I've made it a little clear on my blog that I've taken time to look at his past projects, and though I haven't seen all of his roles, Jo's an interesting inclusion to his list (but by no means an inappropriate fit. If I were to compare him to one of Tsutsumi's past roles, Nobunaga Oda from Honnouji Hotel is similar in being an intimidating man with a violent reputation but still having a 'soft'/deeper side). It gets more fun when I think of it: Tsutsumi, from what I can gather, is a tad renowned for playing loving fathers (whether they're perfect fathers depends on the character, but they all absolutely adore their kid/family- this might be the only time I've seen him play a father and he isn't doting on his kid, lmao). Yokoyama and Nagoshi are definitely masters at deciding who should play who and how to utilize their talents efficiently, and having prior knowledge to Tsutsumi's roles, I feel as though audience members would have been able to get a hint at Jo's whole character early on (just as RGG had capitalized on Takahashi's reputation) which I personally find to be a fun tidbit, if not just grateful that they chose such an excellent actor to play such an intricate character. Ergo, his ability to give 'deep' performances and have that sort of presence and give his character that type of atmosphere definitely helps enhance the human aspect of Jo's character.

It's a great blend into Jo's otherwise cold demeanor, and going off the idea that RGGJo was a combination of Masato and Jo, the decision to have Jo be a committed father to Masato (as much as he's allowed to be, anyhow) while Masato became the power-hungry villain (even if RGGJo's motivations were ironically centered around Arakawa succeeding moreover himself), it's somewhat of a roundabout way to have them still be connected: though they're not the same character anymore, there's that bond that keeps them stitched together that I find neat.

AND THANK YOU ABOUT MY TAGS I can't sugarcoat it, I'm not a very confident person, so I'm glad you've gleamed there's some validity to what I'm saying. And I'm glad you've expanded on not just Jo, but Arakawa's upbringing as well: though they both come from abusive homes, they do handle it differently, and I feel so blind for not even having wholly noticed it in how they react to Aoki- it's so brilliant I almost want to scream. It's a tragic irony that despite Jo resolving to not 'half-ass' things anymore and to face things head-on, to 'take responsibility', he incidentally falls back into trying to avoid the problem for as long as he can. It's poetic really, and I'm positively going to go insane over the fact.

#long post #fave #i AM faving all of these because any disucssion about jo/the arakawas is my favorite ☠️#snap chats #i'm still screaming about the parental bits at the end though like god how could i have been so blind.. thank you for pointing that out #it always fascinates me how abused kids turn out based on circumstances #I'm Rambling Again but i think arakawa got some benefit of his dad being there for him. until he died of course #even if kids come from broken homes so long as they have at least one positive adult figure in their life theyre likely to turn out alright #i guess 'alright' is subjective- i wouldnt exactly say becoming a yakuza leader is the most conventional lifestyle but hey what can you do #in any case jo's absolute abandonment certainly paved the way for- despite his wishes to reject it- him to fall back into being avoidant #ouugh that hits close to home im gonna throw up but its so also so good i love these details so much #also can we all ignore like. The Phat Chunk i dedicated to mr tsutsumi LMAO i really have become a fan of his work through all of this #AND I REPEAT HE IS SUCH A GOOD FIT FOR SAWASHIRO another role i can think of is mr tatsuya kanda from meishi game #he's more blatantly an antagonistic and selfish figure but we find out he's such an asshole because he's trying to make his daughter proud #so yeah definitely not mr tsutsumi's first time playing a dickish dad who loves his kid #i feel like im everywhere with this response ngl- im always so crummy with organizing my thoughts #but of course again thank you for writing in ! always fun reading your asks ^^#AND DEFINITELY THANK YOU FOR TAKING TIME TO DEDICATE TO THE WIKI i cant type enough o7's to convey that respect

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transvoxman · 2 years

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Ok actually I was wrong in the tags, laserblast was never outwardly a jerk in highschool, not for anything that could be traced back to him. He was Always nice, he was Always the bigger person, specifically just so that no one could ever say "he wouldn't make a good hero, he was mean to me once." Poor guy created his Whole Personality around having a career as the Most Successful Hero Ever, he never did a genuine/true-to-humself thing in his whole goddamn life until he started being Venomous.

#laserblast #okko thoughts #AND EVEN THEN! HE GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN BEING THE BEST AND MOST WELL-RENOUNED VILLAIN THAT HE PUT HIMSELF BACK IN A SIMILAR SITUATION AGAIN #he thought to himself 'if only i could leave POINT then i could be myself'#he thought 'wow i could finally stop having all this pressure to be perfect and to keep up a certain image 24/7 now thats the dream'#AND THEN HE WENT AND FOCUSED ON KEEPING UP A GOOD IMAGE ANYWAY TO THE POINT THAT HE WAS BORED WITH LIFE #you can take the perfectionist cares-what-others-think boy out of the hero spotlight but that mindset will still follow him where he goes #and this time he couldnt even blame his dad or POINT for molding his personality into a tiny box to fit a specific image #it mustve hurt to think about. god. 'i faked my death to escape this why am i putting MYSELF through it'#it took boxman crashing into his life to break him free from that cycle of perfectionism and appearances #dont get me wrong tho. he was way happier as venomous even when he was stuck caring so much about what other villains think #because he Relished doing villainous things. he Loved thinking about how horrified everyone who pressured him so much would be to see this #it felt so so freeing to do the exact opposite of literally everything he was raised to be #and of course. raising fink and spending time with her made him really happy too #fink obviously never made him feel the Crushing Pressures and Judgements of Society #she is one of the few people who ever took his mind off all of that instead of making him think about it all even more #who cares about society when you have a little menace to take care of! a menace who loves villainy purely for the fun of it!#idk i have so many thoughts about pv i want to study him like a bug #i wish i was up for drawing a bunch instead of just writing out my thoughts #but this takes so much less energy than making art or writing fics

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yoohyeontual · 8 months

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My aunt was so annoying asking my parents to go to THEIR house this weekend that they really decided to go and leave me alone here 😐

#they told her we’ll see and she still asked every 5 minutes 😐#i have the babies with me but Pups is so sad he’s gonna stare at the back window all day hoping they come back 😭#i wish they could go only one day not a whole weekend so I can go too 😭#but I can’t cause there’s only one spare bedroom and I can’t sleep on anything that’s not a bed #i wish I could but I can’t #my parents actually don’t care and they would sleep on anything #but my aunt is the type to wake up at 6am and not care if someone is sleeping and be loud #my dad can only sleep on sundays most of the time i’m not making him go through that 🥲#bfksbdjd #anyway my aunts annoy me so much so i’m 50/50 sad #it’s just really fun to go to the country side and read all day I love it #at least ! it’s raining and really cold outside since yesterday so I’m not suffering having no air conditioner i opened the windows 🥰#and while I was in the shower my neighbours were listening to music really loudly again but not anymore or at least I can’t hear it anymore #thank god #alex.txt

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lina-lovebug · 2 months

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I'd Fight The Devil

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Background: (Y/N) Morningstar with her partner, Alastor, has decided to put some of the Overlords in their place.

Warning: Alastor being Alastor, mentions of pregnancy but no one's pregnant, and Alastor might have a breeding kink

_ _ _

"(Y/N)! What a surpri-!"

"I believe that's Princess (Y/N) Morningstar, Heir to the throne of Hell, and Duchess of Chaos - to you," Alastor loved doing this. He adored how (Y/N) had decided to start using her true power, and to bring respect back to her name.

The family name, to be exact.

Valentino chuckled nervously as (Y/N) scoped out the place, her horns ever presenting and tail flicking with annoyance.

"What a pleasure to be hosting you, Princess. What would be the reason for this visit?" Valentino asked, offering her a drink.

"I'm fine, thank you," She dismissed it, already smelling the poison inside the cocktail.

"I'm here to discuss Angel Dust, and your contract with him."

"If he's too much trouble for the hotel, I'll happily-"

"You're the one causing the trouble," Alastor cut him off.

Valentino sputtered, "me?!"

"You can feign innocence all you wish, Val, but I've heard that you've called my sister a bimbo, along with many other colorful names," (Y/N) slowly stood up, leaning over his desk as the lights started to go out - one by one.

"Charlie is nice. She's always been the kinder of us Morningstars, but apparently this makes you think that you can go and soil our name. My father could have strung every sinner on a hook for eternity, torturing you all second by second as your screams sung into our great halls," no one had been unfortunate enough to see the form of (Y/N) Morningstar, and Val was one of them.

Her height expanded to nine feet tall, her pretty black nails forming into claws and her eyes ablaze with scarlet serpent pupils.

And wings - oh great black wings that could make even Adam rethink his attack.

When he was still alive, of course.

"And you sully his gift by mocking us."

"Look, Vox did it first! Okay?! He said you'd never-!" Val tripped on a tentacle that came from her beloved Alastor, who dropped a TV by his feet.

But not just any TV.

"Oh God," Val gasped, "Vox. . .?"

"I took care of him earlier," Alastor grinned, still reminiscent on his screams.

"I couldn't have my dear (Y/N) sully her hands with his filth. But whatever the Princess wants, she gets."

Oh to see her come into her power was as chilling as death itself.

"You're so romantic, Alastor," (Y/N) smiled.

That's when Valentino spotted it. On the left hand of (Y/N) Morningstar was a ruby wedding ring, the band pure gold.

Alastor finally did it.

He climbed up the latter, but not through power.

Well yes, through power, but he certified that it would always be his.

By marrying Lucifers daughter.

"We're matching, isn't it adorable?" Alastor showed off his own wedding band, ruby's encrusted inside of it.

"Now, where were we?" She grinned, and as an engagement gift, the screams of Vox and Valentino were broadcasted throughout all of Hell.

And they say chivalry is dead.

_ ☆ _

"They're fucking crazy."

"They're made for each other."

On that, Angel Dust and Husker could agree.

The lovely couple had become the center of Hells attention after their engagement was announced, and even though Alastor thought it would be hilarious for Lucifer to find out through the papers, she told him first.

And he cried.

"Oh my baby is all grown up!" Lucifer sobbed loudly, clinging onto her legs, "look at you! You-you used to be this small!" Lucifer grabbed a duck, "and you were so tiny and so cute!"

"Am I invited?" Lucifer squeaked, staring up into her eyes.

"Yes, dad," She smiled, bringing him up to his feet, "but we want to wait a bit before we plan anything."

"You know she used to bite my finger?!" Lucifer grabbed the baby pictures of little (Y/N), "look at how small she was! Oh, and this one is my favorite!"

Alastor truly didn't mind how touchy Lucifer had become with him, but thankfully, Lucifer also knew when to stop.

"Wait, is that why you're getting married?! Did you impregnate my daughter?!" Lucifer gasped, shoving his hand on her stomach.

"Dad! Dad, no! I'm not pregnant!" She quickly cleared up.

"Unfortunately," Alastor muttered to himself. Oh to see her belly swell with his children - his own spawn, it made his cock twitch at the thought.

He was fond of children but his own? Oh he'd spoil his little prince or princess with all the blood sacrifices the world had to offer.

"Yeah but you know what marriage entails, kiddo!" He pointed at them both with finger guns, "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby-oh my GOD I'll be a grandpa!"

He started crying again.

She sighed, "at least we know our hypothetical child will be taken care of."

Alastor nodded, "I could not have picked a better father-in-law."

At this point, Lucifer was ugly crying.

Alastor looked at his beloved with a soft gaze as she tried calming her father down. To be honest, Alastor never thought he would ever find solace in Hell. He anticipated every day being a fight for his life, always looking over his shoulder and always striving for more power. And as cheesy as it sounded, he saw (Y/N) as his shining light. She brought out his sad heart, and for the first time in his life, he wished his mother was with him.

To see just what a wonderful woman he managed to catch.

#alastor imagine #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader

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