#go fuck a cactus you prick

[alex-just-vibing]

ok i was talking to my friends about this earlier but what the fuck did kel do to basil???? when he's going through his flowers, he so nice to everyone else; "Aubrey is stubborn and keeps her own, Hero is versatile and universally loved, Mari helps people see the best in situations, and Sunny is perfect" y'know?? but when he comes to the cactus, first, when Aubrey is like "Is it cuz he's a prick!!" He's like "that too, but..." the proceeds to be like "cacti are impossible to kill, so even you could take care of one" and it's like ??? What did he do to you??? You basically called him a prick and an idiot???? Huh???

#alex yells about his blorbos part who knows at this point #omori #omori (game) #basil omori #kel omori #omori kel #omori basil #it's just all like huh wuh?? #my stuff #kel is absolutely incomprehensible

[greeneyedsigma]

Law: Hey, what’s up?

Kid: The sky.

Law: No, I meant like, what are you doing?

Kid: Oh, Luffy.

Luffy: *highfives Kid* Nice!

**

Usopp: We need to distract these guys.

Luffy: Leave it to me.

Luffy: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Kid and Law: *immediately begin arguing*

**

Kid: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Law, are a fucking cactus.

**

Luffy: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

**

Luffy: Law told me to stop being immature, so I told him to get out of my fort.

**

Usopp: So when are we gonna tell her?

Zoro: Just give her a minute.

Luffy: *Pulling on a door that clearly says push.*

**

Zoro: Is Kid always like this when he loses?

Luffy: Oh, yes. You should've been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum of 00XX

Kid: You bumped that table and you know it!

**

Usopp: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!

Luffy: Usopp, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Usopp: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

Kid: ...It was a bug.

Usopp: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

Luffy: ...

Kid: ...

Usopp: Stop looking at me like that!

#one piece #sigma's one piece au #incorrect quotes #one piece au #straw hat luffy #monkey d luffy #female luffy #eustass kid #trafalgar law #female usopp #one piece usopp #roronoa zoro

[daisyblog]

Baby

When We Were Young Masterlist Summary: Louis tells YN that he is going to be a Dad.

"I'm gonna be a Dad...she's having my baby"

YN wasn't sure if the words that stumbled out of Louis's mouth were a joke or if this was just extra confirmation that there was no future for them. She knew she was the one who ended their relationship a couple of months ago, but being together for four years she never expected him to move on so quickly, she couldn't even do the math - it was all too much. Sure, she had seen some photos of them together, leaving parties and on nights out, but she wasn't expecting him to have a baby with another woman.

She could feel the lump in her throat rise and the tears threaten to spill, but she fought hard against them and instead smiled brightly at the boy she loved in front of her "I..um..I'm sure you'll be an amazing Dad..congratulations Lou..I wish you both all the best with your little family" the words made her feel queazy, sure she meant them but that did that make it hurt any less? No.

"YN..you don't need to pretend you're not angry at me..in fact, I want you to shout and scream at me telling me how much of an idiot I am" Louis pleaded, rubbing his face in stress.

YN shrugged her shoulders "What's the point in doing that?...It's not going to change anything...you're going to be a Dad and have a family regardless of how I react"

"You..I..uh.." Louis stuttered before he tried again "Me and Briana..we're not together..we never were-"

"Lou..look it's none of my business"

"But you deserve to know...it was just a drunken thing..you know it was never meant to be more than that...we're not gonna be a family...we'll co-parent when the baby is here" Louis explained.

"Sounds like you've got it all planned" YN politely smiled, before she stood from where she sat and made her way towards the door.

"YN..wait" Louis called after her, making her freeze when he spoke the next few words "I love you..you know that"

She wanted to turn around her and run into his arms like a fairytale but it just wasn't the case. So she took a deep breath and turned to face Louis with a sad smile "I'll always love you Lou...but I just don't think we're meant to be any more"

Before Louis had the chance to respond, YN left the room heading towards her dressing room where she could let her tears flow freely. As she opened the door, she was taken back when she saw Harry pacing up and down, almost like he was waiting for her.

"Harry what are you doing..you knew he was going to tell me?" YN asked as she saw his sympathetic smile.

"Thought you could do with a cuddle" Harry spoke, opening his arms for her. That's what YN loved about Harry, he always knew when someone needed a shoulder to cry on. She was so grateful to have another brother.

After YN had cried into arms and had now calmed down slightly "There was so much I wanted to say in there"

"How about you tell me instead..you know so you get it all out" Harry suggested.

"He said she was having his baby..and then rambled on about how they're not together..I told him it's none of my business" YN shook her head as she thought about their conversation "What did he expect..me to magically jump back into his arms..I don't think so...I bet she faked her orgasm" YN said so bluntly, making Harry choke on his breath.

"Fucking e'll YN" Harry laughed.

"Sorry..I shouldn't have said that..I don't want to be mean but Louis a prick"

"Hey..you're just hurt and angry right now...which is understandable...we all say things in the moment"

"Could be a good song you know" YN changed her whole mood.

Harry raised his eyebrows "How?"

"I don't know" YN thought for a moment, before she spoke again "What about something like...She's having my baby..It's none of my business..She's having my baby..It's none of my, it's none of my...It's New York, baby, always jacked up...Holland Tunnel for a nose, it's always backed up...When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus..In a black dress, she's such an actress"

"I like it...maybe it could be one for next album" Harry said with a sarcastic smile.

"Uh..yeah not going to happen..I think it would be pretty obvious" YN laughed, until she thought of an idea "It's all yours though..if you ever want to use it"

"Oh thanks" Harry sarcastically laughed at her suggestion "Not sure what I'm gonna do with a verse about you calling Louis and his baby mama out"

"Just don't forget to put me in the credits" YN joked.

Tag List: (let me know if you would like to be added) @peterholland04 @werewolfbansheelove

#louis tomlinson #louistomlinson #louis tomlinson x reader #louis tomlinson x fem!reader #louis tomlinson x famous!reader #louis tomlinson writing #louis tomlinson fanfiction #louis x reader #louis x you #louis x yn #louis x y/n #louis tomlinson x you #louis tomlinson x yn #louis tomlinson x y/n #louis 1d #louis tomlinson imagine #louis tomlinson imagines #louis tomlinson series #louis tomlinson masterlist #louis tomlinson series masterlist #one direction #one direction imagine #sixth member of one direction #one direction fanfiction #1d fandom #fanfic #fanfiction #louis tomlinson fanfic #1dff #one direction imagines

[cuddles-with-dragons]

Fives: Who hurt you? Crosshair: *snorting* What, do you want a list? Fives: ...Yes, actually.

Store Worker: Would a “Crosshair” please come to the front desk? Crosshair, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker, pointing to Fives and Wrecker: I believe they belong to you? Fives and Wrecker, simultaneously: We got lost. Crosshair: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—

Hunter: Now it's time for some witty back and forth banter. You go first. Crosshair: *sobbing* Hunter: Look, I'm not sure where to go with that.

Crosshair: *trying to get five seconds of sleep* Fives, poking Crosshair’s arm: Crosshair Crosshair. Crosshair. Crosshair. Crosshair: WHAT?! Fives: …We’re out of Capri Suns—

Hunter: I am literally evil incarnate. Hunter: I’m not actually, I just enjoy being evil. Hunter: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I’m making a conscious effort.

Hunter: Crosshair, how do you feel about lifting heavy things? Crosshair: My doctor just said I should avoid— Hunter: Being a wuss? I agree.

Tech: Let’s not Hunter this into a worse situation than it already is. Hunter: Did you just use my name as a verb?!

Fives: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Hunter, are a fucking cactus. One even bigger than General Krell.

Hunter: Punch me in the face. Alpha: ...Punch you? Hunter: Yes, punch me, didn’t you hear me? Alpha: I always hear ‘punch me in the face’ while you’re speaking but it’s usually just subtext.

Hunter, dramatically: They called me a sadistic asshole! Fives, sick of Hunter's shit: I wasn't wrong.

Fives: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was changing their name to Hunter.

Crosshair: Did you wash the dishes? Hunter: I thought you wanted to do that... Crosshair: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Tech: I haven't slept in seventy-three hours. Hunter: Eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia. Crosshair: Bitch, it's been ninety for me. I'm going for an even one hundred. Fives: You guys are fucking terrifying.

Hunter: Don’t go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult. Fives, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life.

#the bad batch #tbb crosshair #tbb hunter #tbb tech #tbb wrecker #fives #tbb au #tbb #clone force 99 #bad batch #star wars the bad batch #hunter being a sadistic asshole in this au #fives wants hunter dead and with good reason

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

As I wait for my beta to get back to me...

Okay I've never had a beta before and I love him but I'll never have a beta again bc i'm IMPATIENT but anyway I messed around with the sourceless incorrect quotes generator and I'm dying over here so. have these ig

including some things with peter as spider bc guess what! they'll also interact. yes i have three fucking fics planned

----

Jean: Where did you get that tomato soup? Peter: It’s actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

Peter: What goes up but never comes down? Jean: The amount of stress you're bringing me.

Jean, shooing Peter away: Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area.

Peter: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Jean: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP ILLEGALLY ENTERING MY FUCKING CRIME SCENES!!!

Peter: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Jean and not do the thing, Peter: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Peter: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

Jean: So I have made the decision to trust you. Spider: A horrible decision, really.

Peter: I'm tired. Jean: You slept for three hours last night! Why are you surprised?! Peter: I'm not surprised. I just wanted to complain about it.

Jean: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind. Peter: Thank god.

Spider: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times. Jean: You mean you stabbed them? Spider: They ran into my knife.

Jean: Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Peter: Why start now?

Peter: I love hearing Jean shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.

Peter, getting a full nap with a warm blanket for the first time in literal years (i WILL make it happen): You know I think my life has value. Jean: Who are you and what have you done with Peter?!

Jean: You use humor to deflect your trauma. Spider: Awww, thanks- Jean: That’s not a good thing. Spider: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

Jean, to Peter: All right, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m going to go first– I hate you.

Jean: Why are you on fire? Spider: This is just how my day is going.

Jean: I'll offer you some friendly advice- Peter: I don't want your advice. Jean: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice, dipshit.

Jean: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Parker, are a fucking cactus.

Jean: That’s illegal, right? Peter: Why do you care? Are you a fucking cop? Jean: Kinda- Peter: Just shut the fuck up.

Jean: I should've left you on that street corner where you were standing. Peter: But ya' didn't!

Jean: Don’t go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult. Peter, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life.

Kidnapper: We have your child Jean: I don’t have a child? Kidnapper: Then who just told us to fuck off and that he doesn't have time for more stupid problems? Jean: Oh god, you have Peter

Jean: Who hurt you? Peter: *snorting* What, do you want a list? Jean: ...Yes, actually.

Spider: Something’s off. Jean: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people. Spider: No, but that’s funny.

Jean: Peter, no. Peter: Peter, yes.

Peter/Spider: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated. Jean: Killed without hesitation.

[that second part would work for either tho ngl but i can't NOT have pete say the first line]

Peter: I'm bored, any suggestions? Jean: Sleeping is nice. Peter: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I’m deciding to ignore it.

Spider: It’s nice to be wanted, you know? Jean: Not by the law!

Jean: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face. Peter: Peter: I like you.

[Jean if he was not living in the 30s were being gay could get him fired and killed :D]

Jean: You have an impressive pain tolerance. Peter: Thanks, it's the trauma.

Jean: Where have you been all day? Peter: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

Peter: Jean, I sense hostility. Jean: Good, because I hate you.

Spider being an edgy bastard: I could kill you if I wanted. Jean: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

Jean: You're alive. Peter: No need to sound so disappointed.

Peter: You read my diary? Jean: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

Jean: I can't imagine what Peter is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Jean: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? Spider, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

Jean: What are you doing here? Peter: I could ask you the same question. Jean: I work here. This is my crime scene. Peter: I should probably ask you a different question.

Jean: You saved me! Why? Spider: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.

Jean: Can you pass the salt? Peter: Can you pass away? Jean: Too much salt.

#bonus points if you catch my little headcanon that you can pry from my cold dead hands! #im the only one writing jean except canon i can do whatever the fuck i want #jean dewolfe #peter benjamin parker #spider-man noir #marvel noir #a biscuit's rambles #my fics #<- just gonna use that for everything relating to my fics in some way

[marxthedumdum]

a few necrozma steven thoughts les go

♥︎ imagine the fucking size difference between him and his wife,,, fused necrozma is 12ft+ AT FUCKING MINIMUM w/ solgaleo, now fuse it w steven and you

♥︎ basically get smth akin to one of those giant 30ft vengeful skeleton i heard from a vid abt japanese yokai without the many souls in one body part

♥︎ but hey, he makes an effective lamp! :) (a too-effective lamp (daisy has to cover her face or face away from him at all times))

♥︎ don’t ask how he got necrozma he prob heard alola got dimension travelling shit (thinks it COULD revive miki fr this time) going on and went there and encountered the thing

♥︎ has to be careful not to prick daisy (giantass glass cactus </3)

♥︎ [team rocket raiding her place or anything alike happens]

♥︎ “ok steven now hit them with the photon geyser”

♥︎ way too big for daisys and his home 💔 has to rest somewhere far away (sometimes, some days daisy could go w him if her family isnt around)

#pokepasta #strangled red #strangled red steven #crimsonoak #crimsonoak shipping #headcanon

[illegiblehandwriting1]

s&a incorrect quotes are painfully accurate :/

---

Sky, about Hylia: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

---

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and- Sky: No returns. Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

---

Sky: Pros and cons of dating me. Sky: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Sky: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

---

Godslayer!Sky: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute fuckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

---

any chapter 4 chain member: So, you lied to me? Sky: That depends on how you define lying. chain member: Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it? Sky: Um, reclining your body in a horizontal position?

---

Sky, before he leaves: We can't lose. Because we have this. *points to their chest* Wild: We have heart? Sky: Heart? No, me. I'm pointing at myself. I'm going to win this for us.

---

Sky: I love sarcasm! It’s like punching people in the face, but with words!

---

Bonus:

s&a readers: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Warrior, are a fucking cactus.

#chicken scratch #smoke & ashes #smoke & april #lu sky #there will be more characters but i'm being ✨organized✨ #imagine that #linked universe #incorrect quotes #lu incorrect quotes #source: incorrect quote generator

[wolfblabbersaboutfujoandshipshit]

Incorrect Josuhan Quotes Cause Why Not

Rohan: Could you be anymore annoying? Josuke: Yes. 

-

Josuke: There. How do I look? Rohan: Like a cheap French harlot. Josuke: French?! 

-

Josuke: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween! Rohan: That doesn't exist. Josuke: Not with that attitude.

-

Josuke: Is this mistletoe? Rohan: Uh, no, no, that is basil. Josuke: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you. Rohan: Yeah, no, it’s still basil. 

-

Rohan: I’ve been sleeping so little the past few nights that when I go to the alarm app, I click on the “power nap” button. I don’t set up alarms, I set up timers, Josuke. 

-

Josuke: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Rohan, are a fucking cactus.

-

Rohan: There's nothing worse than people using big words they don't understand. Josuke: I photosynthesize with this. 

-

Rohan: Josuke, we tried things your way. Josuke: No, we didn't. Rohan: I did it in my head and it didn't work. 

-

Rohan: I hate you sometimes. Josuke: Well according to this picture Koichi drew of us holding hands that's not true. Rohan: Josuke, you drew that. Josuke: It doesn't matter.

-

Josuke: *out cold on the ground* Koichi: Oh my god, do you think they’re okay?! Rohan, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Josuke’s face* 

-

Koichi: It’s funny how well you and Rohan get along. Didn’t they hate you at first? Josuke: Rohan hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people. 

-

Rohan: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me. Josuke: But they said not to touch the masterpieces. Rohan: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall. Okuyasu, on a walkie talkie: This is Okuyasu, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again. 

-

Rohan: Josuke annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow. Koichi: There is nothing special about tomorrow. Rohan: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over. 

-

Rohan: This food is too hot... I cant eat it. Josuke: You’re very hot, and I still eat you. Everyone at the table: *silence* Okuyasu: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING! Koichi: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!

-

Josuke: I love you. Rohan: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that. *Josuke and Rohan kiss passionately* Koichi, to Okuyasu: You owe me 20 dollars. 

-

Okuyasu: I sleep with a gun under my pillow. Koichi: I sleep with a knife. Rohan: Both of you are pathetic. Okuyasu: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with? Rohan: Josuke. 

-

Okuyasu: What’s the announcement, Koichi? Koichi: It’s a lecture. Josuke’s gonna tell us everything they know about sex. Rohan: It should be an enjoyable 60 seconds. 

-

Rohan: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Josuke and I are dating. Josuke, Okuyasu, Koichi, and Yukako: *gasp* Rohan: Josuke, why are you surprised?! 

-

Okuyasu: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple... Yukako: I really care about your feelings! Koichi: I really care about YOUR feelings! Okuyasu, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple... Rohan: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL! Josuke: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

-

Koichi: So anyways have y'all seen Rohan? Okuyasu: I think they went in Josuke's room 'studying'. Yukako: Doubt that. I heard groans there. *Meanwhile in Josuke's room* Rohan & Josuke, fighting:

-

Josuke: As top in this relationship, I think we should- Rohan: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

-

Josuke: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning. Rohan: This is a lie. Rohan: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie. Rohan: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS. 

-

Josuke: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreashing. Rohan: Are you a software update? because not right now. 

-

Josuke: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me? Rohan: Depends. Is your bed comfortable? Josuke: Yes. Rohan: I'd sleep. 

-

Rohan, to Josuke: We had a date! Rohan: *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book* 

-

Rohan: I want to kiss you.

Josuke, not paying attention: What?

Rohan: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

-

i may do some giomis ones later desu

#josuhan #josuke/rohan #rosuke #josuke x rohan #rohan x josuke #nonreblog

[xxlea-nardoxx]

I have an entire word document filled with incorrect quotes of my AU and I'm going to make it everyones problem.

Don, Lee, Raphie and Mike are my AU turtles. The canon turtles are referred to by their normal nicknames.

Don: Say, would you consider yourself a masochist or sadist?

Raphie, deadpan: I’m a Turtle.

---

Lee: Can I bother you for a second?

Raphie: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.

---

Mikey, trying his first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY!

Donnie, an avid coffee drinker, on his twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

---

Don: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

---

Raph: I’m sorry, I really flew off the handle back there. It was like the handle was a bald guy going really fast, and I was his toupée.

Don:*chokes on his coffee laughing*

---

Raphie: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there???

Donnie: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.

Raphie:*violently trembling*

Raph: *sobs*

Leo: You fucking scared them, you bitch.

---

Raphie, upon meeting Raph for the first time: I've met a lot of pricks in my life, but you, Raph, are a fucking cactus.

---

Don: If I fall down these stairs, I'm just going to lay down and accept my fate.

---

Lee: I desire moisture.

Don: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

---

Don, acting tough in front of the canon turtles: You guys don't want to mess with me.

Raphie: Yeah, Don will straight up cry in public. Don't try him.

Don: Exactly, I will straight up-

Don:

Don, tearing up: Raphie, why would you say that?!

---

Don, looking over Raph’s shoulder: You can draw?

Raph, stops what he was doing: You can speak?!

---

Lee, after reading the fanfiction he wrote and posted when he was ill: Editor's note: What the fuck?

---

Raphie: Thought I was meowing back at my cats for the past hour, but it was just me and Lee meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

---

Lee: I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers, and get shit done as an awesome leader.

Leo, sipping tea: I highly doubt that.

---

Don: If you got arrested what would be the charges?

Lee: Theft.

Mikey&Mike: Disturbing the peace.

Raph&Raphie: Aggravated assault.

Leo: Arson.

Donnie: All of the above. In that order, probably.

---

Leo, trying to comfort Don: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

---

Lee: How do you connect with a fictional character?

Raph: What?

Mikey: What?

Donnie: What?

Leo: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

---

*Raphie and Lee looking at a locked gate into a park*

Raphie: Aw, it's closed already???

Lee: You know what they say.

Raphie: Please don’t-

Lee: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Raphie: Frick-

I'm so sorry for this.

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles 2012 #tmnt au #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2012 au #tmnt incorrect quotes #tmnt universes au #tmnt au raphie #tmnt au lee #tmnt au don #tmnt au mike

[rainiishowers]

Obey Me Incorrect Quotes

A/N: Because this is how I cope with writers block, enjoy! A lot of Mammon, unsurprisingly --- Satan: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me. MC: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do - *Human Mammon AU* Mammon: I was put on this earth to do one thing. Mammon: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want. - Mammon: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”. Mammon: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”. -

MC: What do you think Belphie will do for a distraction? Solomon: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock *Building explodes and several car alarms go off* Solomon: ... or he could do that. - MC: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Mammon: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. MC: .... MC: You mean ring bearER, right? Mammon: ... MC: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding. - MC: Isn't it weird that people kill mosquitoes just because they're annoying? Mammon: Damn, if people did that to each other, Lucifer would've killed me years ago. - Satan: Is five a lot of followers? Asmodeus: Depends on the context. Asmodeus: On Devilgram? No, not a lot of followers. Belphegor: In a dark alley? Yes, a lot of followers. - Lucifer: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices. Lucifer: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time. - Leviathan: The ocean is a soup. Barbatos: Barbatos: Please elaborate. Leviathan: What is needed for something to be a soup? Barbatos: Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine. Leviathan: Barbatos: - Mammon: Money in the human world... Is like president trading cards. - Asmodeus: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you. Beelzebub: Being a fish..? Asmodeus: Well, shit. - Diavolo: *gets set on fire and screams in agony* Diavolo: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me. - Mammon: There's nothing to do.... Lucifer: You can wash the dishes you promised to wash about a week ago. Mammon: *pulls out his phone* Nevermind. - Mammon: I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers, and get shit done as an awesome leader. - MC: Lucifer is forbidden from monologuing. - Asmodeus: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass. - Barbatos: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” - Simeon: When's the last time you slept? Solomon: Uh... a few days ago, I think. Simeon: A few- how many?! Solomon: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers... Simeon: What you need is sleep! - Mammon: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Lucifer, are a fucking cactus. - Belphegor: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens. - Sheep!MC: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I'm under. - Luke: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit! *Insert Simeon having a mini crisis* - Lucifer: So, Belphie is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night. Beelzebub: Why? Lucifer: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row. Belphegor, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass. - Lucifer: Please stop asking if I "had a rough night". I always look like this.

#obey me shall we date #om! brothers #om! dateables #om! mc #obey me incorrect quotes

[writernopal]

Incorrect Quotes Tag

Tagged by @mysticstarlightduck and @void-botanist here and here! Thank you both!

Tagging (gently): @stesierra @rbbess110 @silverslipstream @teamdilf @sparatus

Rules: Use this generator to make some incorrect quotes.

I'm going to do this round for Fay and Wilkes because I did this one for Mariel and Axtapor last time (here if you missed it!)

***

Wilkes, to Fay: Please, picking locks is my specialty. Wilkes: *throws a brick through the window* Wilkes: Okay, let’s go.

***

Wilkes: Fay! I thought you were dead! Fay: No, just in deep cover. Wilkes: ...But it was an open casket. Fay: It was very deep.

***

Wilkes: Don’t you have any dignity, Fay? Fay: Uh, no.

***

Wilkes: *angrily presses Fay against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?! Fay: ... Fay: Are we about to kiss-

***

Wilkes: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Fay, are a fucking cactus.

***

Fay: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Wilkes: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Fay: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Wilkes: Is it working?

***

Wilkes: We’re having a moment, aren’t we? Fay: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

***

Wilkes: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you. Fay: That's great, Wilkes. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

***

Wilkes: *seductively takes off glasses* Wilkes: Wow... Fay: *blushes* Haha... what? Wilkes: You're really fucking blurry.

***

#tag game #incorrect quotes tag #writeblr tag games #aasoaf #fay #wilkes

[akindofmagictoo]

incorrect quotes tag game

@dontjudgemeimawriter tagged me to use this generator for my characters! i shall be using this as a character development exercise for Nyx, Albin and Minerva

Albin: I mean. Nyx's just standing there now. Albin: Waiting for me, I guess. Albin: But it's okay, I think she's pretty much settled down. Minerva: Settled down? Albin: Well, she only stabbed me once.

~

Nyx: What would Minerva think? Albin: Ok, that’s an interesting thought, but hear me out: what if… we ran an experiment where we spent the rest of our lives finding out what happened if we never told her?

~

Albin: You tricked me! Nyx: I deceived you. ‘Trick’ makes it sound like we have a friendly relationship.

oh SO canon

Nyx: What's that? Albin: Chocolate. Nyx: What's chocolate? Albin: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from? Nyx: Yeah. Grapes, nuts. Albin: No wonder you're so bitter.

~

Nyx: Albin, we tried things your way. Albin: No, we didn't. Nyx: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

~

Nyx: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times. Albin: You mean you stabbed them? Nyx: They ran into my knife.

~

Nyx: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Albin, are a fucking cactus.

~

Albin: How stupid do you think I am?! Nyx: You really want an honest answer to that?

~

Albin: I don't want to fight you! Nyx: I wouldn't want you to fight me either!

~

Albin: Hey, can you do me a favor? Nyx: Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this. Albin: You don’t even have a legitimate reason? Nyx: Oh, no, I do. Albin: Well, what is it? Nyx: You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.

~

Albin: Nyx, what are you doing tomorrow? Nyx: Having my day ruined by whatever you’re about to ask me to do.

i love them

@ellatholmes @zmwrites @isherwoodj @e-lisard you're up! if you like!

#tag game #incorrect quotes tag #wip upper/under #wip the same coin

[manipulatorkaleidoscope]

Incorrect Quotes!! (For omega strikers!)

Rune: Zentaro, can you help me? All my clothes keep disappearing for some reason. Zentaro, wearing a hoodie that’s seven times his size: spooky

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Estelle:I’m not being weird. Am I being weird? Luna: yes and that’s coming from me

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Asher: when Ramsus gets Daiquiris he gets into how beautiful he is. Ramsus: hey I dare you guys to dare us to make out Luna: Hey Ramsus, you do know that’s a mirror, right?

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Luna: school sucks Atlas: I know, but you have to do it so you can get a job Luna: what are jobs like? Atlas: they suck

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Estelle: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK! Kai: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!!!

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X: can we go to a haunted house? Era: what’s wrong with the one we live in? X: Wh-what? Era: Goodnight, X.

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Juno is hugging Luna Asher: Hey! It's my turn to hug Luna! Asher: grabs Luna Atlas: kicking down the door What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time slot! Juno: No, It's still my turn! Luna: suffocating Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly! Asher: But we need the moral support! Juno: And you're small! Which is cute! Atlas: If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning. Luna: close to tears Well- I, I guess.

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Ai.Mi: jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that Zentaro: Oh, you’ve been there? Ai.Mi: Once. In monopoly

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Kai, texting: X, will you please go to sleep? X, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up? Kai, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP! Kai, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon? X, texting: I’m trying Kai, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH Kai, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)

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Atlas: Last night I found out Dubu is a sleep talker. Drek’ar: Oh, really? Atlas: “Dubu!(The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell)." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

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Estelle: I have met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Kai, are a whole fucking cactus.

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Dubu, to Drek’ar: Dubu?(When was the last time you let someone hug you?) Drek’ar: thinking Drek’ar: 2012. X: 2012…? Drek’ar: Yeah. I almost died and it really freaked Atlas out so I let him hug me.

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Zentaro: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. Zentaro: And I started thinking. Zentaro: Like, it was just trying to get food. Zentaro: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck? Ai.Mi : Are you ok?

————————————————————————

Kai: I need to dye my hair. Juno: … Kai: Or get another tattoo. Juno: … Kai: Or a new piercing. Juno: Why? Kai: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

#omega strikers #incorrect quotes #i had a bit too much fun making these #Part of the reason why I made a butt ton #Hope you enjoy 😊! #omega strikers incorrect quotes

[skeletonsfortea]

Deciding VBPS Sans's Nickname

“So, we, uh, all go by nicknames. Any ideas for your own?” Classic, or living dust- as Sans calls him- asks. He frowns. A nickname? Seriously? 

“How about Brick?” The younger him offers with a smug smile that makes Sans want to turn him to dust, “it looks like you got one to the head, so…”

“Real fucking creative. But no.”

“Then how about Cactus? Cause you’re a real fucking prick,” the younger him says, glaring.

“I can do a lot worse than a few spiky pins.” Sans growls, “want a demonstration?”

“Sure, if you can hit me, grandpa.”

Oh, Asgore, he’s going to kill him.

“Alright! That’s enough,” living dust interrupts, “just decide on something already!”

A thought occurs to him, a smile spreading across his face, “how about Ten?” You look up from your place beside the younger, wimpy Papyrus, horror spreading across your face.

“Nah,” the younger him breaks in before living dust can agree, “you’re tryna mess with Y/N. Choose something else.” Sans glares when living dust glances over at you, sees your expression, and gives him a tired look.

“New rule, you can’t choose a trigger word.” He says.

“There are rules?”

“It can’t be anything you wouldn’t allow your kid to call you, and it can’t be a pun.”

Sans nearly laughs at the idea of having a kid. “Fine. How about…” something that defines him… “Rust.” Like polished metal left in the snow for years, and years, and years…until it’s completely, and utterly, useless.

#vivid blood pale scars #vivid blood pale scars meets aus

[cutelittleriot]

More incorrect quotes and fun facts about my isekaied as sanemi idea

Sanemi doesn't like alcohol due to well his dad and he just didn't care for it in his past life the only thing he drank was a long Island ice tea mixed with coke and even then they jsut prefer regular coke so they don't bother drinking but if someone were to sneak in some alcohol his tolerance is very low.

If he got drunk he would just be babbling things in English.

Tengen sometimes spikes his drink when the hashiras go out to eat

Sanemi always knows due to his sensitive af taste buds so sometimes he jsut acts drunk so he can act like a gen z person and not have to worry

He doesn't get along with shinjuro for obvious reasons but does get along with senjuro.

Though he did make senjuro cry on accident becuase of his scary face. He did apologize to senjuro and rengoku and rengoku understands as sanemi has told him that children are often scared of his face

Sanemi and muichiro have had staring contests surprisingly the win rate is 50 50 each becuase of nemis autistic stare

Sanemi when he was a kid sung cluster by slipknot to his siblings (in English of course) he didn't tell them what it meant.

He has also taught that song to senjuro he has no regrets. He also taught him cooking by the book feat Lil John remix again no regrets he is a hilarious menace

He wants a pet like really bad he wants either a dog or a lizard probably either a bearded dragon or a leopard gecko. He might get one when muzan is dead if he isn't dead by that time.

For a dig breed he would either want a pitbull a boxer or a Caucasian Shepard dog as they are big af and were used to hunt bears and are sometimes used as guard dogs in prisons in Russia. He wants something scary but loveable.

One time tengen fell down some stairs. The other hashira have never seen sanemi laugh so hard before that he was crying and wasn't making any noises as he laughed. Sanemi could only think of the video of Peter falling down the stairs when he saw that as tengen was swearing as he feel down.

Sanemi is debating growing out his hair he likes it short as it doesn't get in the way of fighting but he might grow it out when muzan is dead as he did have long hair in his past life. He might also get a mohawk like genyas cause he thinks they are cool.

In their past life genya was the sole reason they love Mohawks.

In their past life they had alot of sanemi and genya merchandise along with some zenitsu rengoku akaza merchandise jsut some plushies and mini figs nothing big.

They had a sanemi plush army.

If sanemi were to ever become a demon by some random ass chance he would terrorize muzan like absolute crazy with pictures of nsfw yorrichi x muzan

He would even warm him "Bro I'm trying to save you some trauma don't look into my head"

1 minute later

Muzan:*is on the floor crying*

Sanemi:I warned ya

Sanemi can sing the entire 150 pokerap easily

He writes down major events jsut in case he frogets.. he writes them down in English in case someone sees

MORE INCORRECT QUOTES

Shinobu: What do we say when making bread?

Uzui, glumly: That's the dough rising.

Shinobu: And what do we NOT say?

Sanemi, sadly: That's the yeast fucking.

Sanemi: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, muzan, are a fucking cactus.

Obanai: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Sansmi: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Obanai: ...

Obanai: You mean ring bearER, right?

Sanemi: ...

Obanai: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Rengoku: You have an impressive pain tolerance.

Sanemi: Thanks, it's the trauma.

Giyuu: I feel like I can be myself around you.

Sanemi: You’re weird and quiet around me.

Giyuu: Yes.

Sanemi: You're ugly.

Giyuu: Tone indicator?

Sanemi: Oh I'm sorry! You're ugly. /srs

Giyuu: I’m Giyuu. I’m an accountant.

Sanemi: I’m Sanemi. I have a knife.

Giyuu: Sanemi, what are you doing?

Sanemi: *shaking a cat shaped piggy bank* I’m just trying to figure out how much change I have inside.

Obanai: You could always take it out and count it.

Sanemi: Where’s the fun in that?

Tanjiro: Help, someone at prom has been killed!

Sanemi: Calm down, we don't need you to Panic! At the Disco.

Sanemi: *shoves their hand in the slot of a toaster*

Obanai: …

Sanemi: …I get confused sometimes.

Obanai: Me too.

Sanemi: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait.

Genya: You and me!

Sanemj: *tearing up* Ok.

Sanemi: I’m a reverse necromancer.

Rengoku: Isn’t that just killing people?

Sanemi: Ah, technically.

Sanemi: I have an idea.

Uzui: A good idea?

Sanemi: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Sanemi, grinning: I have a knife!

Obanai: Put it down, Sanemi.

Sanemi: Make me! *sprints away*

Inosuke: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.

Sanemi: What?

Inosuke: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

Zenitsu: What happened to your nose?

Sanemi: I used it to break some guy's fist.

Sanemi: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you.

Sanemi: I don’t know the first thing about clothes. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it’s clothes or not. This chair? Not clothes.

Sanemi, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.

Sanemi taught him this one

Genya: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.

Genya: That's why I own TEN guns.

Genya: Just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.

Sanemi: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

Sanemi: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

Sanemi: Well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific. It was because shut up. Shut up is why.

Sanemi, opening a Capri Sun becuase they hate alcohol: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

Sanemi: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.

Sanemi: *waves their finger and sings like they're in a Disney Channel intro*

Sanemi:the only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable.....and assault with a deadly weapon

Sanemi: Here's two facts about me.

Sanemi: 1. I hate hot people.

Sanemi: 2. I'm a hypocrite.

Sanemi: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

Sanemi: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

Sanemi: Hello friends!

The hashira:

Sanemi: You might be wondering why I’m taped to the ceiling

Sanemi: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*

Shinobu, muichiro, gyomei: *spinning a little and talking*

Sanemi,uzui,and rengoku: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

Mitsuri: What's worse than a heartbreak?

Uzui: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging.

Obanai: Waking up in the morning.

Sanemi: Waking up.

Shinobu: Waking up in the morning...

Shinobu: And seeing giyuu

Giyuu: Hey! Rude!!

Uzui: Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip!

Muichiro: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill!

Obanai: Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out!

Shinobu: Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times!

Rengoku: Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up!

Sanemi: Throw a brick at someone to kill them.

Uzui: A mouse!

Shinobu, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.

Rengoku, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!

Mitsuri, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.

Muichiro, gasping: It's Ratatouille!

Sanemi: His name is Remi, dummy.

Uzui: ...I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.

Sanemi: I CAN'T DO IT!

Rengoku, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Sanemi: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Gebya: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Sanemi:

Sanemi: I appreciate it,

Sanemi: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Rengoku: sanemi

Sanemj: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Obanai: Sanemi we gotta-

Sanemi: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Sanemi: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Sanemi, motioning to kokushibo: NOT FUCKING THIS!

Muichiro: Look guys, I need help.

Mitsuri: Love help?

Rengoku: Financial help?

Gyomei: Emotional help?

Sanemi: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at sanemi*

Sanemi: What?

Ok so that's all for now and here is what I'm gonna do

I will allow a QnA yall post your questions I will wait a while and then I will post answers if there will be spoilers I will just say sorry spoilers

I will be taking questions from ao3 quotev and wattpad as that's where I post my stories

And I might start working on this story soon as soon as I'm done with another oneshot. It involves kaigaku and a demon queen oc I am writing it jsut for my own personal pleasure and no it's not nsfw or smut .

#sanemi #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #sanemi shinazugawa #isekai #reincarnation #self insert

[kaz-playz]

THE BASTARDS (tm)

Incorrect quotes of IL & NY

--

New York: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.

~~~~

*They were arguing abt NY not knowing anything abt the other states*

Illinois: Can you name a single city in Oklahoma?

New York: Oklahoma City, bitch!

~~~~

New York: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

~~~~

Illinois: I’m serious! They’re watching me! They’ve even got an agent following me! Don’t you believe me?

New York: Look, it’s not that I don’t believe you… It’s that I don’t believe you and I don’t care.

~~~~

Illinois: New York, what do you call people you go out with but don’t try to sleep with?

New York: ...People?

~~~~

Illinois: Oh, hey, I didn’t see you come in! You should have come by and said hello!

New York: Oh! Yeah, I uh...

New York: Didn’t want to bother you.

New York: Or talk to or listen to or be around you.

~~~~

New York: What the fuck is wrong with you??

Illinois: What? No good morning?

New York: Good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you??

~~~~

*This kinda goes both ways*

Illinois: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, New York, are a fucking cactus.

~~~~

("I just wanna grow corn and own guns" -Illinois)

New York: Hey Illinois, I’ve got an idea for how to solve this.

Illinois, pulling out a shotgun: Yeah?

New York: Wh- No! That’s not the idea, Illinois!

~~~~

Illinois: Fight me!

New York, standing behind them and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

~~~~

Illinois: I just found out that people are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth

~~~~

New York: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Illinois: For the dogs.

New York: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Illinois: They don't know how.

~~~~

Illinois: I wouldn’t last two minutes without New York.

Illinois:

Illinois: Don’t tell him I said that.

~~~~

Illinois: What should I do?

New York: *holds out hand* May I suggest dinner with a friend?

Illinois: Well, none of my friends are available, so I guess I'll have to go with you.

~~~~

(They're both mean as hell I just know it)

New York: Hello Illinois, made anyone cry today?

Illinois: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.

~~~~

Illinois: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.

New York: ...what happened?

Illinois: I made a VERY bad mistake.

~~~~

New York: Astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Leo and not symptoms of mental illness.

Illinois: Being a Leo is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.

--

FIN.

#does anyone read these all the way thru? #welcome to the table #welcome to the statehouse #ben brainard #incorrect quotes #wttsh #wttt #illinois wttsh #new york wttsh