#give things meaning!!!! let the world around you be romanticized!!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mccn-bcys · 2 years

Text

JUST A TOUCH OF YOUR HAND

pairing: marc spector x reader, steven grant x reader, jake lockley x reader

summary: when you turn eighteen, an ink stain appears on your skin wherever your soulmate touches you for the first time. the boys each are dealing with their stain in their own way.

warnings: angsty marc, fluffy jake, soulmate au, DID (I don't have DID so I'm basing my knowledge off of what is in the show, please correct me if anything is wrong), I'm also not a Spanish speaker (I used Google translate please correct me if it's wrong)

authors note: as stated in the warnings, im not a Spanish speaker so pls correct me if it's wrong. I also do not have DID and am using knowledge from the show. There will be a part two to this soon, but I figured I'd go ahead and give you all a taste! I really hope you like it!Let me know what you think! Please like and reblog guys!

word count: 1,817

when the black stain on their knuckles first showed, all three boys weren't sure what to make of its meaning. at first, they thought it was from holding their soulmate's hand, but that didn't make sense. the stain was just on the knuckles of their right hand.

it wouldn't be until years later, as they all started getting older, till they started having their own opinions about it. and after the boys were all aware of each other, they would discuss it. well, jake and steven would discuss it.

marc didn't want to talk about it.

steven wasn't fully convinced that he was destined to have a soulmate. maybe a platonic soulmate, but certainly not a romantic soulmate. surely they would've shown themselves by now, right? so steven decided it best to not romanticize the stain. he just settled on maybe it was a fist bump. or even a lighthearted shoulder punch. some sort of friendly gesture.

jake was the opposite. this man may have a reputation for being bad and mean and evil, but jake lockley was a huge romantic. he was obsessed with love. of course, the only people who knew were marc and steven.

he loved the idea that there was someone out there that was made for him. he liked to believe that they would love him despite the things he's done, despite his past, despite having two other people that shared his body.

he'd played the scenarios around in his head. there was the classic accidental brushing of his knuckles against you, maybe as you passed in the streets. he imagined that when he'd feel you brush his knuckles, he'd stop and turn, grabbing your hand and stopping you, and then it would be love at first sight. something out of a rom-com, marc would scoff. or maybe for some reason, he would be gently stroking your face with his knuckles. or maybe you dropped something, like papers or books, and you both bent down to pick them up and reached for the same book at the same time, your hands brushing each other.

jake would spend hours, just staring at his hand and the stain on it. whenever he thinks of his soulmate, he can't keep the giddy grin off his face. sometimes steven likes to indulge in jakes fantasies, just a little. but the fantasies piss marc off to no end. but all jake wanted? he just wanted somebody to love and somebody to love him.

marc didn't want to indulge in any fantasy, romantic or platonic. he'd convinced himself a long time ago that it was just a joke. he'd stare at the stain on his hand, but instead of with a smile like jake, he'd stare in disgust. disgust at the mark, at the world, at himself.

see, marc had come to the conclusion that the stain was from a punch or some kind of hit. he convinced himself that he'd only hurt you from the beginning, whether on accident or on purpose. but he had no intention of finding out.

he could never hurt you, whoever you were, if he never touched you. he made it a point to not touch anyone. he'd even stopped doing work for khonshu, so he wouldn't risk punching or hitting his soulmate.

he didn't deserve a soulmate anyways, romantic or platonic. he had done too many horrible things, there was too much blood on his hands. and he knew it was all his fault. he didn't deserve someone to love. he wasn't worthy of love. he was a monster. a killer. he always had been.

so when he was walking down the streets, head kept low, as he made his way to the grocery store to pick up some milk — because jake had forgotten again — he thought he was going to die.

it was busy on the street. everyone must be getting off work and trying to get home. marc had really tried. tried so hard to squeeze through everyone without touching anyone.

"this is just ridiculous, mate," steven scoffed lightly. marc could see him throw his hands up in exasperation from the reflection of the window across the street. "do you realize how extremely unlikely it is that we'd brush against them on the way to get milk?"

"not taking any chances," marc grunted, determined.

"are you scared you're going to accidentally punch someone on the street? plan on fighting anyone who bumps into you?" jake rolled his eyes. he thought this whole "no touching" thing was a bunch of shit.

jake had always tried to tell marc how ridiculous his thinking was. that even if their soulmate didn't like their night-time jobs or that they didn't want 3 soulmates in one, at least they'd be able to meet them, know that there had been someone for them.

and marc knew he was right. but that's part of what scared marc. what if they didn't accept him or his alters? what if they only wanted one of them? what if they didn't want to deal with their past? their baggage? marc didn't want to risk it.

"when you front, you are more than welcome to touch people on the street. but I will do whatever the hell I want while I front," marc scowled at his alter.

"mate...you could have worded that a bit better," steven cringed.

and marc was going to respond, but before he could even start to think the words, he felt it.

someone's hand brushed against his knuckles. against the stain.

and marc was ready to just brush it off. maybe turn around tell them to watch where they were going and keep walking. but none of that happened.

as soon as the person made contact with him, a shock went through his body and left a tingling sensation on his knuckles. he stopped dead in his track. jake was screaming at him to let him front — a request marc was adamant on denying. steven was suddenly nervous.

but marc? marc was terrified. if he turned around to look at you, it would only make it more real. marc knew it was you. knew it was his soulmate, otherwise jake and steven wouldn't be freaking out.

"oy, pendejo! si no los miras ahora mismo, nos tiraré de un edificio!" jake threatened, but it was falling on deaf ears.

"marc...you don't have to talk to them, but a glance couldn't hurt," steven tried pleading.

but how it could hurt. because if he looked at you, he'd be ruined. he'd want to talk to you. get to know you. but that came with the risk of you getting to know him. because what if you didn't like it? like him? or his alters? his past? his present? he didn't want to know what he could have with you if it meant he might lose you.

he had wanted to just keep walking. he tried so damn hard to just keep going. act like it didn't happen. but damn it, lockley had gotten enough control and kept their feet glued to the ground.

"míralas!" jake insisted causing marc to let out a groan.

"fine, but just a quick glance," he finally caved, receiving an excited cheer from jake and hopeful sound of agreement from steven.

taking a deep breath, marc finally turned around and for a second time, was frozen in place. even jake and steven were speechless.

you were beautiful. the way the sun was hitting your face right now? breathtaking. and you looked just as stunned as he did.

you had been dreaming of this moment since the stain appeared on your wrist. you — unknowingly like jake — had gone over every scenario possible for the black spot on your wrist. imagined what it'd be like to finally meet your soulmate. imagined what it'd feel like when they touched you for the first time.

never in your wildest dreams had you imagined it happening on your way home on the streets of london. never had you pictured being stopped on the sidewalk, staring at your soulmate just feet away as the world seemed to go on as if nothing was happening.

he was so handsome. his golden skin shining in the sun as he stared at you in awe. as if his whole world had stopped. the way his curls framed his face. and his eyes. oh they seemed to hold a storm. he seemed to be going through so many emotions at once.

you both stood there, staring at each other, seconds seeming to pass like hours. you weren't sure what to do and neither was he. neither of you had prepared for this.

"hi," you finally said. it had been quiet, breathless, especially with the noise of the city, but he heard you loud and clear.

"hey," he said back, making you relax a little. you were worried he wasn't going to speak to you.

"are you—" you both started to ask, which made you laugh a little. oh what he'd give to hear that sound again. he didn't even know your name but he'd give you the world if that's what you asked for.

"sorry," you quickly apologized before continuing, "do you mind?" you asked, gesturing to the stain on his knuckles, to which he lightly shook his head no.

truth be told, marc was terrified to move. no sudden movements, he didn't want to scare you off. you sounded so gentle, so kind. jake was begging to front. but marc wanted to be selfish for just a bit longer.

he watched as you took your stained wrist and brushed it against his knuckles again, both of you jumping slightly at the shock feeling coursing through you again. you beamed up at him.

that's it, he was a goner.

you introduced yourself, seeming a bit shy. all three boys repeated it in their head, loving how it sounded. marc had even repeated back to you and you were already addicted to how it sounded rolling off his pretty lips.

"i'm marc," he said, quietly, as if his name alone was too much information.

"marc," you repeated gently. like if you said it too loud, you'd break whatever spell you two were under. he loved how you said his name.

"well, I've just gotten off work, do you want to get coffee or a drink?" you offered, wanting to immediately get to know the man in front of you.

and before he could turn down the offer, he found himself saying "yeah, i'd like that." the hell was he thinking? he should just go get the milk and go home. forget you and that this had happened. but that felt impossible now. he doesn't think he'd ever forget you.

so before you both know it, you're walking side by side, going to get coffee, an easy silence falling over you as you walked together.

edit (bc I forgot my taglist):

taglist: @leoluved @howaboutcastiel @sir-knight-slytherdor

(if you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know!)

#moon knight #jake lockley #moon boys #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley x reader #steven grant x reader #marc spector x reader #moon knight fluff #moon knight x you #mr knight #mr knight x reader #soulmate au #part one #my beloved moon boys #must protect them #angsty marc #jake is a big sap

3K notes · View notes

ghost-proofbaby · 14 days

Note

I would love a Getting to Know Eddie with your coffee shop blues Eddie. (I’ll let Abi ask for Maroon). 😘

(oh i don’t think i could tell abi much more about maroon eddie than i already have. the space under my desk when im writing maroon literally has her name on it <3)

alright. so. COFFEE SHOP BLUES EDDIE. first and foremost, that eddie is from my purely self indulgent barista!au for those of you who don’t know. for legal reasons, it’s totally not based on true experiences or a very real company. totally not. for legal reasons. but, the entire premise is this eddie entirely untouched from the upside down — non-canon compliance so we can be happy for once baby ! — and just playing around with who he is without all that. he gets the job as a barista, he’s a damn pessimist, and- well, i liked to play around with what would happen if he was the grumpiest barista to ever exist and got reality checked by a sunshine-incarnate barista. and, spoiler alert, the boy would probably melt. he does melt.

my inspiration is drawn entirely from uh… well… can i have a lawyer if i admit this? nah im just kidding he’s based on my own experiences! and contrary to what plenty of people have said to me (if i had a nickel every time said they imagine me as reader i’d be far richer than i am which makes me so 😭), eddie is the character based around me. i think he’d react very similarly to how i do most of the time at work. being grumpy, being so easily inconvenienced by every small thing, always huffing and puffing and wanting to be better. and i think reader is what i’d like to be. at the end of the day, it’s just a nice way to romanticize life, i guess. <3

my favorite headcanon that i’ve never shared in the story is that everyone actually finds that he’s very good at his job. it’s emphasized he isn’t necessarily friends with the other baristas, and there’s a whole lot of him internally comparing himself to the people he thinks do the job better (*cough* reader *cough*), but that whole “i can do better. i have to do better” mentality has led him to being quite good at the job actually. he puts himself down, says he isn’t that good, etc. but he is. customers like that feline grumpiness (the girls that come in regularly for frappucinos in the afternoon are always secretly hoping he’s there, definitely living their ‘i can fix him’ fantasy despite reader already having set sail on that boat), his coworkers admire him albeit they get a lil scared of him due to resting bitch face, and all that. he makes a mean fucking cappuccino. his drinks always just taste better. he’s just good. he’ll never admit it, but damn is he good at his job.

on a casual day, this man is living in comfy clothes. big band tees, plaid pajama pants or sweats. the only time he puts on jeans these days is when he works. which, i mean, listen — he works often. he lives his days by what shift he has, not by days of the week. weekends are nonexistent to him. he’s earned some damn comfort when he’s just at home, ya know? (also, most of his clothes that aren’t graphic tees or comfy pants just stink of coffee these days. ugh.)

his favorite food is probably the cake pops at work. he’s a sweet tooth fiend with them. someone accidentally breaks one when opening the packages? oh no !! he’ll take that off their hands. all of his free food mark outs? 50% cake pops. he’s on food? he’s definitely accidentally bagging and slipping one or two off to the side for himself. sometimes coworkers will try to convince him when he’s on the food position to slip them a free cake pop as well, and every time, he’s flipping them the bird and a quick “steal on your own time, bud”. (unless it’s reader. unless it’s sunshine. then, he’s caving, handing over the birthday cake pop he just marked out for himself without second thought. even if he rolls his eyes as he does it — he’d give her the world if she just asked).

his family situation is pretty close to canon — wayne. and obviously he has hellfire, he has corroded coffin, but all of those are just… small things. he’s finally graduated in this universe, so hellfire doesn’t meet as often. corroded coffin’s members are still in their senior year, so sometimes studying for a calculus test is overriding band practice for them. which i mean, was a bummer and led to him needing a distraction like a part time job (also — money) but it’s all good now, cause he gets to bug Sunshine on his days off when he’s bored. they’ve definitely exchanged numbers, and they’re definitely sending each other an obligatory dumb meme a day. sorry, i don’t make the rules.

he likes pop music. don’t ever ask him about it, he denies it, but Sunshine got him into all those radio hits. he’ll find himself humming along to the radio at work constantly too. and, the one time he and Sunshine worked a very rare, LITERALLY only happened once close together, they definitely were belting out britney spears’ “hit me baby one more time”, dancing around the closed stores and eddie using the mop as a mic while Sunshine tried to stock up all the cups. the shift on duty was unamused, to say the least.

he’s pretty pessimistic in all avenues, but there’s something deep inside of him that’s just a bit hopeless romantic. especially after meeting Sunshine. he listens to her prattle about her romance books all day, and he hates the fact that he finds himself smiling at some of those different scenarios she’s gushing about. but it’s cute, okay? besides, it’s only giving him more ideas about how to wow his favorite barista. sex, on the other hand, he’s still pretty bland on. he’s had one or two one night stands, names he’s forgotten at the Hideout after shows, and he’s not really got the energy to be some sex-crazed fuckboy. listening to his coworkers’ hookup stories and relationship problems work pretty well to remind him he could be doing far worse (but if anyone were to ask him what he thought of Sunshine in that context? oh. oh the poor boy. the scary dog facade fades, and his ears have never been pinker as he’s stuttering about having to grab something from the back that he just stocked. he’s just grateful she never seems to have her own escapades to talk about — he probably wouldn’t survive the world-ending jealousy that would cloud his vision.)

pessimistic. so so pessimistic.

a couple months ago, he would have said his room. alone. or practicing with cc, on his guitar. or behind his dm screens, watching as his little sheep panicked over the latest twist he’s revealed for his current campaign.

but now? maybe he’s just gone soft, but the first place he thinks of is a rainy afternoon in the back of his van, his head in Sunshine’s lap as they listen to the slight drizzle bounce off the roof. he swears if he closes his eyes, he can still feel her fingers against his scalp.

---

JO. JO. I DON'T HAVE THE ORIGINAL POST FOR THIS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPH IS ANSWERING WHAT PROMPTS. but honestly, even now that i'm free of the siren, i wanna post this. i love prattling on about our little grumpy barista. i luv him.

#tumblr keeping THIS ONE in drafts has to be grounds for fighting right?#like?#it's BARISTA EDDIE #how dare this not post? or maybe i wasn't done answering??? i don't even know anymore #thank u ily <3 #jo <3 #coffee shop blues #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #still laughing at the way i insert the under the desk joke any time i can

35 notes · View notes

eupheme · 1 year

Text

IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE | part iv: long road ahead

[masterlist]

joel miller x f!reader

Rated E - 4.6k

Tags: brief canon-divergence, reader is mid/late 30s+, soft!dom Joel, angst, references to anxiety, mentions of hunted food and meals, sort-of romanticization of a wound, manual restraints, unprotected PiV

A/N - this is it! Thank you to everyone who has read along and commented. I appreciate you so much! 💕

The days grow longer. And you find that all good things must come to an end.

The ground crunches under your steps, one after another.

He walks beside you now. Those worn leather gloves stuffed into pockets, the soft brushing of fingers and knuckles - never quite entwining.

Silence has been a third companion this morning. Along with the bright sun glinting off the melting snow that collapses under your steps. A rare, warm moment.

A good time to get from one place to the next, if there ever was one.

You wish it was like the time you went out before.

That walk from a few days ago, after those stolen moments in the barn. Steps taken afterwards, in a contented haze - even through the twinge of soreness between your thighs.

Over-enthusiastic, in his recompense.

You think you understand it now, after his words. Realizing there was nothing that could make him do anything. That maybe he had just been waiting all those weeks, like you had.

There's an inhale of breath, as his steps crunch alongside yours. Something weighing on his mind - enough to steal his voice, to hide it away.

You've picked up that much at least - the silence of thought looked different on his face than the silence of listening, of holding his tongue.

But on the next breath, he lets his thoughts free - flying straight like an arrow.

"You have a good thing goin'," His voice is low, as if he might be overheard. As if the trees around you can listen, as his tongue wets his lips.

A pause, "But it's only you out here."

You glance at him, steps slowing when you see how serious his eyes are. Examining you, as his jaw works - before they're dropping.

His tone changes, going lighter, "You could come with us."

The words sit heavy between you. Bringing you to a crashing stop as his offer curls inside your brain and your heart.

You can't pretend it's something you haven't thought about. Dismissed. Thought about again.

A never-ending loop of what-ifs that you have to force yourself not to dwell on - too painful to consider. Never thinking he would actually ask.

"I can't." There's a tremble in your voice that you shake away - a pain that pricks at your eyes, "This is all I have."

There's something like pity in the look he gives you.

A tension between his eyebrows as he coaxes, "What if I told you there was more out there? This place ain't going to last forever."

His hand flexes, as if to reach for you. Moving to grip onto the wire fence, instead - curling around the ice-cold metal.

"That generator has a year left on it. Two, tops."

Your eyes drop. Part of you knows this. That you've kept up the cabin the best you could. But it's been twenty years since the world ended. Some things you can't fix anymore.

"You can't live like this. All alone." He means it kindly. But it twists in your stomach, your sorrow turning into anger.

An acid souring your words, spitting them back his way, "At least it's livin’."

Neither one of you are the best at talking things out. Losing the craft when actions spoke louder.

His own anger flaring - unsheathing that sharp edge.

"They ain't coming back. The person you're waiting for. You know that, right?”

His words are like a slap, staggering you. Cruel, even if he doesn't mean them that way. Even if he only wants you to see what you've been ignoring, avoiding, for years now.

It steals your words, as you stare back at him. The twist of his mouth, the angry tilt of his eyebrows above those eyes that seem to pierce right through you.

It transforms him into someone you don't recognize.

Taking him back to the man he was, on that first night.

You turn on your heel, then - your boots sinking into the damp ground with the force of your steps. Leaving him standing at the fence, his arms now hanging at his sides.

It feels like an impossible choice. That tiny bit of hope eroding into a sliver of nothing. You've told yourself a hundred times that you wouldn't ask them to stay. That you couldn't.

That it wasn't fair.

But it's on the tip on your tongue, now - even in spite of your anger. Trying to force their way through your lips.

His voice comes first.

Low and soft, but still freezing you in place.

"Ellie is immune."

And slowly, you turn.

He stands where you left him, dark eyes solemnly searching yours. Wanting, needing you to understand what he is saying.

"What?"

You heard him, but it still doesn't make sense. Thoughts seem to buzz in your head - the words scooped up with the wind, taking them with it.

"Been bit twice and hasn't turned." He takes a step closer, and you find yourself doing the same.

Another, and then another - until you're in front of each other, again.

“I'm taking her to a group in Salt Lake City. Might be able to find a cure."

All you can do is stare, as his words sink in. Emotions flickering in your chest, like those old kodachrome slides - each breath changing the photo. Shock bleeds into worry, melting their way into sadness. And then, hope.

"Is she, really?" You breathe.

A mark still settled deep between your eyebrows, as you think. How Ellie must have felt, that first time. You can't imagine the fear of a bite - and to have experienced it twice? At her age?

So capable, but so young. She shouldn't have had to grow up like this. To have gone through that.

"I've seen the mark." His hand rakes through his hair, before bracing on his hips, "Made a promise I'd get her there safely."

You nod, automatically.

The unseen burden - their drive - making sense in a way you never understood until now. The weight of their journey replacing the heavy one in your heart. What a difference, this girl could make.

You see her in a new light.

Maybe she could prevent what happened to you from happening to anyone else.

His fingers brush yours, and you take them - his grip warm and familiar. Standing for a stolen moment, before you acknowledge the impossible impasse.

He can't ask you to go.

And you can't ask him to stay.

Your eyes burn.

You tell yourself it’s just from the wind.

———

As the days pass, you pick up on it.

The slow packing of things.

A spare zip-up jacket that’s taken up residence on the old wooden chair, now tucked away into a bag.

The small pile of tools - a swiss army knife, the skinny phillips head screwdriver.

Spending weeks cluttering the little side table. Sharing the space with an old iron lantern, so Joel could see when he tinkered on things in the evenings.

Now, swept away like they never existed. The pieces like magnets - slowly working their way back to each other, back to where they came from.

It makes your chest ache, but the days are getting a little warmer. The mark on his stomach starting to fade instead that raw, red splash.

Healing, with the time that has passed.

It has you wanting to withdraw, even though you should be blooming - sprouting up through the thawing soil.

Instead, you find yourself tucking yourself in your room a little more often. Leaving them alone.

Not every day - there’s moments when you forget. When you are just happy to be with them, spending time. Soaking it in.

It’s in the mornings, when your bed is empty. When there’s that flip in your stomach when he’s not there - when you remember that in the no-so-distant future, he won’t just be on the other side of the door.

That’s when you linger. Letting yourself press into the bed, softer than the floor.

You’ve never been good at goodbyes.

You’ve never gotten the chance to give them.

And when you finally have the chance, you don’t want to. You want it - them - to linger.

To be tethered, like you are, to this place. Moss growing over stone.

But you can’t ask for that. And with what you know now, you won’t let that happen.

There's a finality in the way you pluck things off the pantry shelf tonight. As you prepare the meal - passing things to Ellie to open, watch over for you as they begin to cook.

Giving Joel the best cuts of meat from the deer. It had taken him two days to track it down. It's become harder and harder to find food around these parts.

You should ration it. If he notices, he doesn't say anything. Letting you season it with an abundance of spices, almost too much, before he takes it to the fire.

Pulling as many comforting things as you have. Letting your mind wander back to your childhood, trying to adapt it to now.

Canned potatoes, a hearty chili, peanut butter sandwiches. Applesauce and and old packet of kool-aid.

In the past, you would have nibbled away at each one. Stretched them into days, wanting to save these small indulgences.

Tonight - you don't care.

It becomes a patchwork of flavors. You're not even sure if it will go together. But if it's good - you make it.

Wanting them to go to bed tonight, full and happy.

That you can do, at least.

The food fills most of your cookware, finishes dishes spilling across your counter. Plates piled high as the sun sets - the golden beams making the kitchen feel hazy. Softened in the evening glow.

It takes most of the afternoon, but it's worth it. To have that moment of sitting down together.

Of actual tableware set out, instead of standing at the counter - shoveling in a bite. Running off to finish what ever you'd been working on.

Tonight, metal clinks against ceramic. Steaming food and a swirl of red in wine glasses - a smattering of giggles with Ellie's exaggerated "pinkies out".

It feels - normal. In spite of everything.

It makes you wistful.

Like if you closed your eyes, it would be back then. That maybe you'd be home - still young and without all these unshakeable burdens and memories.

And if not that, then it makes you think of what could be.

What can't be.

A heaviness begins in your heart, stretching down to your fingers. Weighing down your fork - each bite slow.

But not because you're savoring it - when you look back, you won't remember the flavors.

Trying to soak the evening in. Every detail. Trying not to drag down the mood with your melancholy. Ignoring the way Joel's eyes sweep towards you, the pinching of his brow.

You don't want to make it weird. To cling on, even if your fingers itch to. It had been change and luck that had brought them your way, and hopefully that would follow them on the road ahead.

So instead, you throw yourself into conversations with Ellie. Really trying to listen, to remember all of it.

A smile, as you conceed that perhaps Batman wasn't a superhero, after all. A conversation you’ve touched on before, when Ellie found a stash of comic books on the shelf.

“I think his powers are his intellect, and disicpline. His humanity is his power, you know?"

“Bruce is just a rich dude in a suit. He's no different than Tony Stark."

"Iron Man is a hero. His suit gives him superpowers. Plus he's like, stupid-smart."

"How can he be both stupid and smart?"

"Joel, you don't even know who Iron Man is."

The dishes left in the sink, for you to tackle tomorrow. They will be welcome distraction, then.

Clearing the space for candles, as the streaks of purple and grey fill the rooms.

Cards flicking across the table. Throwing yourself into the Texas Hold'em that's been the favorite lately. Ellie catching on quickly, finding joy in calling out the bluffs.

Played for pennies, buttons, things found around the house. Carefully coveted when won, as if they actually held a value. It’s easy to throw yourself into it, getting caught up in the game.

It's late, when the round ends. When you're left looking at each other, the single candle not strong enough to keep away the creeping darkness.

You stand.

Still unwilling for things to end. Not yet. Just a few minutes longer.

So you find another candle instead. A thick one with three wicks - until the glow is warm and filling the space again. Washing over expressions that resemble your own.

"One more."

You play one more, and then another. As the minutes tick by, and the light burns low.

———

His thumb sweeps feather-light over the mark. Slightly faded with time that has passed - the angry slash fading to a swooped line.

You’ve spent nights mapping each other out in the dark, but not like this. The curtains drawn back to let the moonlight in, the candle from the kitchen moved to sit on the side table - making his skin glow in the golden light.

Touching you like he wants to remember, wants to actually know each scar and mark on your skin.

“This looks new.”

“It is,” You smile, a soft laugh. “That’s from the night we met.”

Joel’s head lifts, a question in his eyes.

“Ellie.” You tell him - a soothing brush through his curls when he frowns, “She’s one hell of a kid. Out of all of us, she’s the one that’s gonna be just fine.”

He makes a sound at that, a low acknowledgment. You wonder if he had more time, if he’d press for more information.

Head dipping as he presses his lips softly against the scar, instead.

“I’m sorry.”

It could be an apology just for this. For what he said before. Or - it just could be for all the things that has happened. To you, to him.

It’s too tender.

You’re not used to soft. Neither one of you are. Awkward and fumbling over words, trying to hold things back.

Knowing there’s not much time left.

You shake your head, “Don’t be. I don’t mind, it’s-“

It’s a reminder that the two of you existed. A memory, for when you’re gone. That it wasn’t just a dream.

It’s fucked up to think that way. But then again, what isn’t fucked up about the world, anymore?

“It’s fine. She was trying to help you.” You deflect, “Can’t fault her for that.”

He hums, his hand flattening against your stripped-bare skin. Drifting along the curve of your waist and hip, fingertips carefully dragging.

It makes your stomach flip, something bubbling up to burn in your chest.

You don’t want soft tonight. You don’t think you can take it.

Teeth gritting as you try to shift the weight. Trying to pull him on top of you, from where he rests on his side. A palm tucked under his cheek, his curls soft and tousled from a recent shower.

It’s domestic.

That bubbling feeling rises, choking you. Blinking back the sting of your eyes, as he resists for just a second - confused.

As if you could really move him, all on your own.

You second tug is softer, and he moves then. Rolling on top of you until his hips are cradling yours, elbows digging into the mattress on either side as he hovers.

Surrounding you, until he’s all you can see. A hand curving against your jaw, a thumb brushing against your cheek.

There’s a pinch between his brows. Something that’s been there since that morning walk, those days ago.

A permanent etching, above eyes that see too much.

Your own eyes close, to break that connection. A hand curling around the back of his neck to bring his mouth down to yours.

The groan sounds broken in your throat, when his body melds against yours. That weight pressing you into the bed, as you deepen the kiss.

Your thigh hooking around his waist, pulling him closer. The sound echoed when your teeth scrape his lip in your eagerness.

That look again, as he pulls back. You know he can read yours.

Desperate.

All but clinging to him, as his sharp look softens. You hope he knows what you need, because you don’t think you have the words tonight.

If you open your mouth, you’re afraid the rest will flow. That you’ll say something you’ll regret - all your feelings wrapped up so tightly, scrambling over each other to burst through first.

But, you think you can manage one. For him.

“Please.”

Those dark eyes flick back and forth between yours. You wonder if he needs the same thing because suddenly, his head is ducking back down.

The hand on your cheek sliding to cup the back of your neck. Thumb and forefinger pressing into the muscle, holding you in place as his hips start to slowly rock.

Grinding himself against you, as his tongue flicks at yours. Slowly swelling, growing hard against the soft curve of your thigh, your hip.

Leaving a sticky streak behind, as your fingers grip at his shoulder. As he swallows the moans that grow softer, as the neediness takes over.

Angling himself so he slides between your thighs. His hot length nudging against your core, shining from the way his mouth presses to yours. Slick now, as his other hand cups a breast.

Teasing, then pinching. The slight pain makes you gasp, the pleasure layering over it as he swallows the sound.

Your hips lift, seeking him. A frustrated hand snaking between you - wrapping around his length, lining him up.

His hips slow, to where he’s just pressing against you. Not nudging inside, not yet. Eyes open and dark as his head tilts back.

Watching. Observing your change of pace, a shift in what’s become the usual. A question in them, unspoken but you can read it as well as he can read you.

This what you want?

You need this?

Your lips are on his neck, as you shift. The tip parting and then splitting you as he starts to sink inside. Tasting the salt of his skin as your arms wrap around his strong shoulders, holding yourself against him.

Joel groans as he’s enveloped in your heat. The hand dropping to the curve of your waist and squeezing, as he drives into you.

It steals your breath, a soft gasp against his neck as his cock makes room for itself. A sharp stretch in the way he fills you.

Nails biting into the meat of his shoulder as his hips sit flush. Before his hand is moving - reaching for yours. Dragging one from his shoulder and pinning it against the mattress.

Pushing you back, bracing himself above you. That forearm still pressed into the bed, his fingers still cupping the back of your neck.

Head dropping, so he can nose against your cheek. His voice a low rasp, barely audible in the soft shell of your ear.

“If you want it, you’re gonna take what I give you.”

It sends a flickering thrill up your spine. How he has you held so firmly in place. Thumb pressing into the hollow under your ear - keeping your face tipped up towards him.

You do expect him to take. Bracing for it, a flutter of your eyelashes - waiting for the sharp, unyielding snap of his hips.

Instead, his hips rock. A lazy, slow drag as he nudges deep, and then deeper.

Your free hand clings to him, wrapping around a thick bicep. The heel of your foot pressing against the curve of his ass, urging.

But he keeps it up. Small thrusts into where you’re warm and wet and aching for him, tilting your hips up to meet him.

All while his eyes stay on yours. Rarely blinking - just taking you in.

You wonder if this is how you looked earlier, at the table. That greedy inhalation of anything you could.

Wanting to remember.

It has your jaw gritting. His tenderness would be something you’d marvel at, if it was another night.

But you want to forget. Everything that isn’t him, that isn’t just this moment.

There’s a pink flash of tongue as he wets his lips, framed by the peppered-grey strands of his beard.

“More?”

“More.” You parrot, a jerky nod to your head.

That sharper thrust comes, and then another. Each one pushes a thought from your head, replacing it with soft, hazy bliss.

The grind of his hips as he finds the angle that he knows well. The one that has you gasping, the coarse hair a much-needed friction against your clit.

Each thrust like a tooth on a gear, slowly winding you up. Twisting in your belly until you feel like it’s about to snap - your breath a ragged gasp with each harsh punch of his hips.

It’s almost enough. The fingers around your wrist tightening, as he hold himself back. Your thighs gripping around his hips as you clench, his own breath equally harsh.

His name, breathed out the feeling begins to overwhelm you.

“Joel. Joel, I’m-”

Those arms move, then. Releasing that tight grip, as his lips brush yours. His words an echo of that first night, when you had fallen in bed together.

“That’s it, sweetheart. Come on.” He coaxes - needing it as much as you do. “Come for me.”

Wrapping his arms around you, as you shatter.

———

He wakes her quietly. A hand on a sleepy shoulder, a gentle shake.

A finger raising to his lips as her eyes open. Bleary-eyed as she yawns, looking around the dark room. It's early - the morning light is just starting to crest over the mountains.

"It's time." Joel tells her quietly, no more than a whisper, "You got your things?"

Ellie frowns as she nods, foot pointing at the bag at the end of her bed.

"Alright then. Get dressed, we gotta head out."

A moment, her voice hoarse with sleep.

Almost sounding small, "Is she coming with us?"

He stares at her for a moment, before his head shakes, slowly.

Her voice drifts after him as he turns - not wanting to see the disappointment, "Then, aren't we going to say goodbye?"

"You know we did. Last night, that's what that was all about." He tells her, a bit of that old bite coming back, "We'll never leave if-"

We'll never leave if we see her again. We'll want to stay. We already do.

His jaw grits, "-if we don't get started now.”

She nods sullenly.

He gives her space.

Taking one last look around the small cabin. Flashes of the time that has passed - dinners by the little fireplace. How they all managed just to fit on that old worn couch.

How he hadn't seen Ellie laugh like that, not since Kansas City. Not since Sam.

He leaves it for her. Took him a while longer than he'd like to admit. Tucked into the book that rests by the window - the place where it all started. She'll find it there, he's sure.

Never been good at goodbyes. Not before, and not now. Not even when he's been afforded the extra time.

Hands shoved in his pockets so he doesn't touch anything else. Jacket already on, the rifle slung across his back. Itching to get out the door, because being stuck in this limbo is weighing him down.

Thoughts threatening to burst from the ground and wrap around his ankles, anchoring him until he has no choice but to stay.

But, they have a job to do.

Soon, the door opens. Ellie is staring - walking past him, to the kitchen counter.

Where some bundles had been left out. Cans of food and supplies wrapped in canvas bags. A bit of color peeking out of the top.

Those scarves she’s been working on. Finally finished, the ends weaved, neatly tasseled. She must have worked hard to finish them, putting this last bit of kindness together.

Ellie hesitates then, fingers tracing the woven pattern - glancing at the shut bedroom door, across the hall.

"Joel-" Ellie begins - but he's shaking his head.

"We gotta go."

"I know about it, that you-" She's protesting,

"Ellie, please."

The two words are quiet. Just a small, short thing.

She nods. Reaching for the smaller of the two bags, shoving it into her own backpack.

Trying to be quiet as she zips it up, fitting it back on her shoulders over the heavy, plum-colored coat.

Waiting at the door as he does the same, before the front door is opening. Letting her step out first, those scarves wrapped tight around their noses, still smelling like the cabin. Like her.

His fingers reach up - a quick brush against the steel horseshoe above the door. Like he’s watched her do. For luck, she said.

And then, he's shutting the door behind them.

"It's west, to Salt Lake City." Joel nods, as she follows behind, "Let's get Callus, and see how far we can get today."

And they start off together - again.

———

You wake alone.

You were expecting it - it was the right call.

But it still hurts.

The spot next to you is cool, but there's still an indent in the pillow where he laid next to you. Last night and all those ones before.

The spot smelling like him, and you resist the urge to bury your face in it. To just stay in bed, all day. Maybe forever.

You can't be upset - you were the one who said no. The offer had been small, but it had been there.

But it was too complicated. Too dangerous.

You both knew that the world was like now.

These weeks had been a reprieve. A moment you never should have had, because the world doesn't work with kindness anymore.

Better to appreciate, remember fondly, and then - move on.

So you busy yourself, instead. Catching up on things put on hold for all those weeks.

Taking stock of what you'll need.

Trying not to think too much about the heavy mass in your stomach - to wonder if it’s grief, or if it’s regret.

So instead, you turn roll your sleeves up. Tackling the plates and pans and mess of shining, silvers forks and spoons.

The stack slowly dwindling, until everything is in its place again.

It's mid-afternoon when you finally sit. On the far left-side of the couch, though there's room for you to spread out, now. Looking out the window at the path that leads to the gate.

Wondering if footprints remain in the snow.

Wondering if the weather has been kind to them.

Wrapping a blanket around you as you reach for the book that you've only snatched small moments of, thinking you'll finally get a chance to finish it.

It falls open, to the middle. A folded piece of paper tucked between the pages, at a different spot than the scrap piece working as a bookmark.

Curiously, you unfold it.

Words scrawled neatly across the page. The handwriting you don't recognize, but you still know it, because it reminds you of him.

Taking a long second to memorize the way your name looks in his writing, before you read the rest.

I know what we talked about.

If you change your mind, I got a brother in Jackson.

It's good place, with good people. They'd take care of you.

Just mention my name to Tommy.

Might find our way back there, when all this is over.

Yours,

Joel

You read it, again and again. Something twisting in your stomach, curling into knots. Catching in your chest.

Thinking about everything. About all the years you’ve spent here - a prison and a sanctuary. About that walk in the woods. His words.

They ain’t coming back.

What if there was more?

A long while passes, before you slowly unfold yourself.

Crouching down by the old bookcase. Looking past the spines of books and comics - the briefest of smiles at the memory, before you're reaching for that stack of old maps.

Dragging one out onto the kitchen table.

Unfolding the creased, worn pages.

Your finger dips over the valleys. Finding your home, nestled in the woods and mountains.

Then, dragging it slowly - finding the roads, the highways.

Tracing a path towards Jackson.

Would love to know what you thought of this series / this ending! 💕 thank you again for reading! edit: okay, not quite the end! There is an epilogue up now, linked on the masterlist.

#the end! 💖#joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel miller imagine #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction

173 notes · View notes

princelylove · 6 months

Note

Hi, accidentally stumble in your blog~ I love yandere jojo contents too so I hope to see your content about it :D

I don't know what to request yet but maybe we can talk about type of yandere. What is your favorite type of yandere? Mine is delusion or simp yandere (what characters in jojo you think they will be in this category btw)

Delusional types are adorable to me. There’s just something so charming about someone who’s so bent on being together that their brain skips the entire courting process and goes right into “We’re dating. No actually we’re married and have been married since forever and even our past lives were married. You belong to me what do you mean I have to stop calling for fifteen days.” I think my favored type is protective, but delusionals are too cute to pass on. As for those I think are delusional or simps, off the top of my head…

I’d also argue that Mista’s the type to simp, he’s pretty sure he’ll die if you carry your own shopping bags, but he doesn’t strike me as delusional. Love��s gotta be real to him, you know? He’s the kind of guy that can take a maybe, hell, even a hard no! He knows how to back off, but he’s just gonna keep watch from over here if that’s cool with you. I mean, come on, what kinda “friend” would he be if he let you open your own doors or pay for your own meal? He’s got a job, it’s totally on him! Don’t even think about trying to step over that puddle yourself, he’s already got you up by your legs to carry you across. He’s pretty strong, isn’t he? Oh, he’d die a happy man if you praised him for something like that. He’s like a dog whose tail just won’t stop wagging. You’re his everything, why wouldn’t he try to do things for you all the time? That isn’t weird, don’t shove him into the same category as creepy guys who never give up! It’s like typical hollywood stuff, you know? Romanticism or whatever!

You know who’s fully delusional, though? I say this with lots of love, but Diego. He just cannot fathom the idea of someone rejecting him, I mean, what’s wrong with him? He’s the prince of the british horseracing world, how DARE you reject him??? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with him, don’t play hard to get with him of all people! You should be begging for his attention, not the other way around, but here we are. Diego fully believes that you were made for him, you just don’t understand the gravity (I do think I’m funny for this wordplay) of the situation yet. No matter what happens, you’re always going to be his. As long as he’s got it in his head that you’re more of an object than a real person who has thoughts and feelings like he does, he’s not really going to care about your ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Look, pigeons are just meant to be led, and he’s already somewhat fond of you, so just let him have what he wants. I’m firmly of the belief that if you ever flat out rejected him, he’d just think you were unwell and needed him even more. Be good for him, he doesn’t have the time to play this silly little game of cat and mouse with you right now.

Joseph is another “You can’t play hard to get forever!” type to me, honestly. He’s persistent like a bloodhound, and is going to get in the way of whatever lover or relationship you’ve got going on right now no matter what. He called dibs on you, so, it’s totally fair. He’ll show up to your apartment or house and completely ignore his training if it means getting just a glimpse of you. So what if he’s got a ring in his throat, he wants to put a ring on your finger! Joseph goes the extra mile for you- literally. If you were to move out of town, he’d walk all the way to your new place if he had to. Joseph won’t be deterred so easily. You just wanted him to get some exercise, right, babe? That’s so thoughtful of you! It makes his day when you look his way, especially if you actually catch him showing off with his training. If you were to actually talk to him, or god forbid compliment him, he’d be reeling for a week. He trails behind you on your errands, taking notes mentally of where you go and what you get. One day he’ll know it by heart, and then you won’t even have to go on errands anymore! Unless you want to go with him, that is. Then he’s totally down for a little couple’s day out. Joseph will buy you whatever you want as long as he gets his fix in. Let him put his head on your lap and just stare, and he’ll be thrilled. I don’t necessarily believe that Joseph would kidnap you if you broke his fantasy too many times, but you’re definitely going to start losing a lot of personal time. It doesn’t matter how he got into your apartment, he made dinner. Haha, ok, you caught him. He ordered dinner.

I think it’s fairly obvious to say that Yukako is delusional. She has a warped sense of reality. Her crimes really don’t matter to her because she’s making up for it. Look, look, she cooked for you. Stop trying to go for the door or the window. Yukako loves you, so you’re going to be perfect for her, and you’re going to be perfect together. She’s firm about never leaving your side even though she’s already got you all to herself. She sees nothing wrong with skipping dating and going right to locking you up if she thinks you need her for something. You’re failing at that cooking class that school made you take despite your pleas not to? She can do that. You’re awful with directions? She knows every little corner of town. You actually don’t need her and are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself? Don’t talk like that. You need her. There’s absolutely no reason to deny her, so let’s do this the cutesy way she wants it.

#yandere jjba #yandere jjba x reader #yandere guido mista #yandere joseph joestar #yandere diego brando #yandere yukako yamagishi #yandere #tw objectification #request granted

66 notes · View notes

love-thisbe · 2 months

Text

- alex claremont diaz birth chart.

hi guys!! this is my first post ever here!! i posted a thread of alex's birth chart on twitter and i decided to bring it here as well since i love astrology, and i don't see a lot of people talking about firstprince's birth charts. thank you casey mcquiston for also being into astrology and giving me this amazing gift of knowing at what time they were born.

just a few notes before we begin:

- im sorry if there’s any typos, english is not my first language

- its ok if there’s something you don't agree with, astrology is not 100% correct and some things might not apply

- im planning to do henry's birth chart next, so let me know if you want that!

anyway let's start!!

sun in aries

the sun represents your will and purpose, your sense of vitality and your evolving higher self. in the sign aries it is cardinal-fire, and rules the head. the ruling planet is mars. aries people tend to be energetic, forceful and outgoing. alex is good at getting things done, although might prefer starting to finishing. like the energy of the first rush of spring, alex moves into the world in a headstrong, pioneering way. alex is likely to rush into things before reflecting, and may also be impatient or unwilling to sit back and allow events to mature. he has great vitality and a tremendous need to be physically active. he has a strong will, and is self-centered about pursuing it, so that he may try to dominate other people until he learns to be more subtle about getting his way. he also has an acute need for love and affection. he benefits from self-discipline, so that he can channel his abundant energy more constructively.

the sun in the ninth house represents a concentration of the vital force of abstracting and understanding universal truth. alex is strongly invested in creating for himself a philosophy as his personal vision of life as an interconnected adventure or journey. he willingly study the various meanings ascribed to life that are visionary in nature, involving patterns that interplay or holistic forms. he uses his higher awareness to look for pieces of life’s mysterious puzzle and then organize his perceptions to connect them within a broader picture of reality. in addition to his voyage through his own inner landscapes he enjoys adventuring by traveling to foreign lands and learning languages. he is also drawn to be an observer of other’s ideas and experiences. he loves to study and reflect back into society anything that people have gathered and learned. his nature is to eliminate the extraneous from hidden truths and reveal their essence to those around him. alex is at his best when he has a range of areas of interest to experience and absorb into his mind and body, in order that he stretches out his visionary vistas and make them more concretely available to others as he lucidly explores the outer reaches of his perceptions.

moon in aries

the moon in aries gives an ardent nature with inclinations to impatience, independence and impulsiveness. with this placement, alex has a high energy level. he also has a strong competitive streak, which, together with his attack first attitude, may conceal subtle feelings of insecurity. his emotions are keenly felt, direct and spontaneous. he may have to guard against a quick temper. he should also guard against a tendency towards a too hasty reaction to situations, rather than a more carefully reasoned approach. he is more comfortable thinking of himself as strongly independent with great physical daring and courage.

the moon in the ninth house represents an emotional sensitivity in the area of higher ideals and visionary philosophy. he may be something of a dreamer and tend to romanticize his emotions. his philosophy is based on his feelings and sensitivity to his ideals regarding the superconscious realms. he constantly studies his experiences to redefine his own philosophy about life, which may be the basis for his own vision of religion. his philosophical attitude may seem difficult for other people to understand. he may suffer from a utopian ideal of wanting to feel good all of the time which can cause his suffering. alex tends to be a dreamer yet his dreams may reflect truths about reality when he is in tune to his higher awareness of consciousness. he loves travel and is likely to take many journeys. he is constantly trying to maintain his ideal emotional state of being. he is a natural teacher. alex has a strong need to share his philosophy of life with other people. in this way, he can share his refined imaginative and creative insights and show others how to refine their inner visions along with him.

rising in leo

leo rising people are dramatic, extroverted and assertive. their ruling planet is the sun. they have great energy, courage and honesty, and are very creative, self-confident and perhaps a bit self-indulgent. they expect to be the center of attention, and often are. even so, people tend to forgive them for their excesses, sensing in them the incurable romantics. they are likely to have a leonine appearance, with a thick mane of hair and a dramatic flair to their clothing and appearance. they also enjoy the warmth of the physical sun. they are determined and usually get their way when they really want to. they also possess great integrity, and are natural leaders. leo people are very proud, and their challenge is not to be arrogant or egotistical, but rather to develop humility and compassion, and to learn detachment in the gift of their affections.

mercury in aries

mercury in aries gives a forceful impetuous and impulsive mentality. witty, inventive and quick, alex takes up new ideas with enthusiasm. his intuition is keen. he tends to be impatient with with opposition and delay. he may also be very sensitive when it comes to visual or auditory sense impressions. he may have a tendency to exaggerate, or to argue. he has considerable mental energy, and a need to assert himself in his thought process and his communication with others. it benefits him to learn concentration, for with control his abundant mental energy is vastly more useful.

mercury in the ninth house represents a strong mental connection between his inner awareness and the natural laws of expanded perspective: higher learning, philosophy or religion. he has a keen-witted and idealistic mentality, with great powers of logic and deduction. he enjoys a wide range of studies, through reading and travel. he is also naturally inclined to teach what he perceives and discovers, for his idealism is strong. he is very direct in thought and expression and will say exactly what is on his mind, giving him a reputation for lack of tact. he may be subject to visualizing grant possibilities and centring his perceptions on the larger issue, rather than on the details. his thought process is better suited for exploring and advancing his position on a particular topic than for cautious investigation of every angle. he is the consummate student and teacher of life, at his best when he can exchange ideas with others and constantly expand his perceptions.

venus in aquarius

venus in aquarius gives a calm and detached nature. he is idealistic, even revolutionary in his outlook, and wants to see a better society emerge from the vagaries of the present day. he is an admirer of symmetry and elegance, with an enthusiastic appreciation of artistic form in music, poetry and painting. he functions well in friendships and in groups, but he may not always be happy in intimate connections with significant others. his love is broader and more general, and he may be given to spiritual or philanthropic activities rather than to close personal relationships. he may go through many changes in his love life, being very open to new influences that suddenly comes up for him. he benefits from deepening and more fully expressing his affection for one person in particular.

venus in the seventh house represents a strongly felt connection to partnerships with others. relationships are important to him. he is also inclined to be “young at heart”. he feels at his best when acting in concert with another person, especially an intimate partner, then his natural gifts of grace, diplomacy and charm comes to the core. what is nice on his own becomes really nice with another. he has a gentle personality, very considerate and kind. he also has refined aesthetic and artistic sensibilities, and a keen sense of color. he has the potential to excel in many professions, including legal work and diplomacy. he tends to idealize his chosen love partner, and he benefits from the realization that the true source of grace and beauty in his life comes from within his own nature.

mars in aries

mars in the ninth house (or sign) gives you a friendly and optimistic nature. he is likely to lead a physically active life, and is fond of sports and gambling. he is idealistic, outspoken and honest with his opinions. he is also likely to be spontaneous and even a bit impulsive. he can be scattered in the application of his energies, and will perhaps benefit him to work at becoming more reliable. he has a great propensity for learning. his energy is most naturally invested in adventures of the higher mind: travel, education, perhaps publishing. he likes many different pursuits, and has a kind of haphazard way of going about things that can get him into trouble. he may tend to miss the details, by fixing his gaze on “the big picture”. he also can be dogmatic at times, when he gets to carried away with his own point of view. he profits by learning to slow down his enthusiasm and focus on his concentration on reachable goals.

mars in aries (or the first house) gives an independent and positive nature, and outwardly directed and ambitious orientation. he possesses great strength of character as well as an inordinate degree of self-assertion. he is a formidable adversary, tending to react aggressively when threatened. he is extremely courageous and enthusiastic, traits that will take him far in life, but he may need to work on a tendency of being quick to anger and he can behave impulsively at times. he may also cause trouble by unwilling to give way and make concessions, especially if mars is afflicted in his charts by planetary aspects. it benefits him to learn the art of compromise. he can also benefit from cultivating patience and tolerance to offset his occasional short temper. he will gain in the long run when he practices self-control and displays a great degree of unselfishness in his dealing with others.

jupiter in pisces

jupiter in the eighth house (or sign) gives him a shrewd and careful personality. he can also be somewhat secretive. he has good judgment, and a constant sense of what is important to him. his focus is excellent, and you make a good worker because of it. he has an innate sense of who he is and where he wants to be, and that is usually where he will be found. alex is passionate and sensual and very tuned in to other people. he has the gift of observation. he is fond of the occult, and he can possess the powers of a healer or mystic. he will likely go through many changes in his life in search of a deeper connection to his own higher power. he should beware, though, of being overly self-indulgent.

jupiter in pisces (or the twelfth house) gives him a quiet and unassuming personality. he is good and kind, very considerate of others, and is friendly and easygoing. he needs to feel an emotional resonance in order for his work to be satisfying to him. he has his own personal code of conduct to which is his truth, no matter what public opinion may be, or convention may dictate.he may suffer in his life from being overly sensitive to the needs of others, or seek to retire from the casual cruelties of the world at large, so there is some danger of escapism. he is content to do what he does because is helpful to other people. he often appear more at home in an imaginary universe of his own design than concrete reality and benefits when he pay some modicum of attention to the nitty-gritty details of life that surrounds you as well as to the secret world of your dreams.

saturn in aries

saturn in the ninth house (or sign) gives an educated and philosophically active mentality, with a deepening and a concentration, or a blockage, in the area of higher learning and expansion into new horizons. he is courageous in expressing his opinion, has a keen intuition and makes a good teacher. his early beliefs may be characterized by adhering too strictly to a dogmatic and rigid set of principles, but he grows into a more mature wisdom in his later years. he likely has a need for physical exercise. he makes a good teacher, and may also feel a calling to work with the disadvantaged. while open and honest, and intent on expressing his point of view, he may also doubt himself in this area, seeming indecisive or rebellious. his goals are mental and spiritual, rather than material, and he may search for a new framework of moral or spiritual values, than adopt existing outworn belief systems. his lesson is to eventually come to the realization that the true source of moral and ethical valuation lies within himself.

saturn in aries (or the first house) gives a deepening and concentration, or a blockage, in the area of self-confidence and self-expression. with this placement he is likely to be reserved. he also has good reasoning power. he desires to better himself, and is eager for success in the world of tangible results. the purposeful expression of his expressions of his will may however be inhibited by subconscious fears, preventing action. this is a cross to bear, but he can definitely overcome this tendency with persistent effort over time. he may appear shy or stiff, or self-effacing, or he may overcompensate through defensive or argumentative behavior. he may at times strongly assert himself, seizing control of situations. he may also suffer from headaches. he possess a powerful desire for freedom of expression that does not easily find is realization. his lesson is striving to overcome any fears he may has in expressing himself, and thus come to a better understanding of who he is and what he can achieve.

uranus in aquarius

uranus in the seventh house (or sign) gives an individual who is independent and original in the expression of artistic impulses and relationships. he is a lover of harmony and beauty, and he express this love in his own unique manner, he does not subscribe to a conventional sense of aesthetic, but is always breaking new ground. he is idealistic and philosophical, and he has a restless interest in new forms of stimulation, there can be problems with marriage in that partners may find him alternately affectionate and uninterested. he is likely to seek a rather unconventional relationship, which allows room from growth on both sides. he needs more space in the relationship the most, and search for a partner who understands that, and has his or her own unique perspective. he may also bring new concepts of the area of partnership. part of his purpose in this life may be the transformation of the partnership energy into a new mode of being that can serve his own interest as well as enliven and invigorate his partner.

uranus in aquarius (or the eleventh house) gives a clever individual who is idealistic and also highly unconventional. he is humane and concerned with the progress of mankind. he is likely to associate himself with groups and associations having as their goal the betterment of society, and he can also have conflicts with such groups, depending in part on whether there are stressful aspects to uranus in his natal chart, he has his own unique point of view and his role in the group may often be to throw the monkey wrench into conventionally and simple-minded lock step with the group concept. because uranus is the most changeable of planetary influences, he may also experience changes in his own goals or group affiliation over time. he has a strong urge for personal freedom, and is attracted to the pull of new horizons, and this can impede the formation of stable alliances. his challenge is to make available to others, through collective action, the progressive ideals for social reform that he feels so clearly within himself.

neptune in aquarius

neptune in the sixth house (or sign) gives a mentally creative personality with a tendency to be critical at times. with this placement he can become confused over details. he may have problems with responsibility or feeling that he must be of assistance to others, no matter how he is feeling about it, or he could experience his work as frustrating and ultimately dissatisfying. or there may be an unconscious tension between his rational mind and his innermost feelings, such as psychosomatic illness not properly diagnosed. on the other hand, the ideal of service he aspires to, both to other people and to his own highest purpose for himself, may led him to a significant mission in his life. he could achieve greatly in the helping professions, possibly with a specialization in alternative medicine, and especially if neptune is well aspected by other planets in his chart. he benefits by getting away from too great an involvement toward the broader ideals of service to humanity and personal transformation.

neptune in aquarius (or the eleventh house) gives a visionary personality with altruistic principles. he is popular, and may have a wide circle of friends. on the other hand, he may have problems to be worked through with deception in friendships, or confusion regarding friends’ true motives, or issues of using social interaction to escape his responsibilities. he has a highly developed social sense, and a strong affinity for groups expressing spiritual ideals. he may need to clarify his goals. he has a tremendous and positive vision of his own possibilities and those for society at large, but if neptune is no well aspected in his chart, he may have difficulties to work through regarding the practical fulfillment of his visions and plans. at his best, he is compassionate towards others, making significant contributions toward the creation of a more loving world, based on humanitarian ideals of universal brotherhood.

pluto in sagittarius

pluto in the fifth house (or sign) gives a tremendous desire to be recognized and admired. alex may feel compulsion toward self-aggrandizement, or have underlying feelings of insecurity leaning to self-centered and ego-oriented behavior. he is an essentially dynamic and charismatic individual with a strong need to make an impact on the world around him. he may find much to admire in the acting or artistic professions, and find his own creative outlet there, although he is likely to go through many changes and challenges in putting himself forward in a way that truly serves as an expression of his highest purpose for himself. his desire for personal reputation may also be thwarted, but this can lead to benefits for him, by forcing him to re-evaluate his need to achieve. transformation in this area is quite possible, as he learns how to work with his personal power in more constructive ways. by embodying the more positive form of his creative energy, and thereby expressing his deepest truth, he can perform an important service for himself and society.

pluto in sagittarius (or in the ninth house) gives alex a thoughtful personality, with a focus on deeper understanding. with this placement he may work to constantly discover and rediscover the meaning of his existence. he may be concerned as his life unfolds with religious or ethically based belief systems, and he may attempt to coerce others into accepting his own viewpoint oe become a zealous spokesperson for your particular philosophy or cause. as he arrives at conclusions regarding his own personal code of ethics he may feel called upon to express these beliefs to others, but he benefits from avoiding dogmatic discourses that are unlikely to sway anyone else’s opinion. his ultimate mission is to find inside himself the motivation for his method of seeing the world around him, to penetrate into his own hidden agendas and find a more holistic worldview based on direct experiences. his personal understanding will undoubtedly undergo radical transformations in the course of his life, ideally these will progress toward developing his own unique ideology based on a more conscious understanding of his own process rather than on socially accepted belief systems received from others.

chiron in scorpio

chiron on the fourth house (or sign) represents issues with the vital force of self-nurturing and taking care of those closest to yourself. with this placement alex has a strong drive, even a compulsion, to be centered in home and family, but this desire does not easily find its fulfillment. there may have been painful episodes in connection with early family life; perhaps he had trouble getting settled down to enjoy the comfort that a safe and secure home brings to a child. as a result, he may be even more motivated to having this firm base of security in his adult life than others tho whom it is second nature. he may alternate between over-identifying with his family or under-identifying with them, or he may find himself constantly thwarted in finding this important level of security as he goes through life. on a more symbolic level, he is also painfully challenged in finding his own center in a psychological sense. because of the inherent insecurity of his inner world he may struggle to find himself, and becomes easily influenced by others due to lacking his own clear sense of self. without this base he is more easily unbalanced, and he may find that he moves in many different directions emotionally, as the wind blows. he may long for a more secure and comfortable sense of who he is, independent from other’s opinions, a place where he can truly be himself. part of the problem with connecting to his inner self and externally with home and family, is that the conflict you feel may be largely unconscious in nature, running on autonomously as a result of long-buried experiences too painful to recollect and consciously examine. he may have difficult times with issues regarding home and family as he goes through life, until he can become more conscious of these influences, and less easily overtaken by them. there may be conflicts with his mother or other primary parental figure, that needs to be worked through, as he really begins to get in touch with his blocks and difficulties in these areas. once he begins to nourish himself and to provide his own parenting, rather than depending on the external world to provide comfort and security, he can come around to being a source of inspiration for others as well as himself.

chiron in scorpio (or the eighth house) represents issues with one’s vital force and transform and to regenerate. with this placement alex has a strong compulsion from intimate connection with other people that does not find its realization. he is likely to have been wounded in his sexuality in some fashion, possibly through early experiences, either physical or emotional. as a consequence, being close to other people becomes both desired and painful. he may hold the prospect of closeness with others with some carefully engineered defenses, such as retreating from expressing his true feelings by means of clever dylanesque obfuscation or perhaps by using other people before they have the chance to use him. if he retreats into cleverness and mental gymnastics rather than risk staying with his actual emotion, he leaves these feelings unexpressed, and continues a process of being out of touch not only with the intimate other, but with the deeper part of himself as well. his journey of discovery of his true emotions, the poignant and vital basis of his inner life, is ultimately the most important one for him, and provides rich rewards as he begins to consciously experience these inner depths of his being, over a period of time. in this journey he will re-connect to his own long buried emotions, and through this process to others as well. as he begins to find himself and his power, and is truly able to work with other people, he may be able to provide a sense of hope to them in their own individual journey as well, through the increased consciousness he has gained.

north node in virgo

lunar north node in the second house (or sign) south node in the eighth house or sign. this placement gives a personality somewhat focused around the issues of money and material possessions. in a previous period, or a past lifetime, he was concerned with the utilization of the other people’s resources rather than his own. he also may have gotten involved with occult practices, or engaged in a deep and even taboo relationships with others, factors that shaped your past, and the residue of which still colors his present life experience. now, in this lifetime, he must learn to marshal his own forces and be a resource to himself. he is in the process of clarifying his values, based on a new feeling of independence, having come through the fires of hell, as it were, in order to establish a more stable and lasting sense of self-worth.

lunar north node in virgo (or the sixth house) south node in the twelfth house or sign. this placement gives a personality with a great desire to be of service to other people. in the past, or in past lives, he was dreamy and unfocused, and paid little attention to detail. he was in the process of connecting to his higher self, journeying back into the cosmic realms within his own mind. now his focus must shift to the details of daily life, in a constant effort to improve himself, to serve himself and others, and to remain alert to the myriad mundane details of life that do not leave much time for daydreaming. this is a difficult transition to make, but necessary if he is to fulfill his destiny, this time around. since he feels a close kinship to the spiritual world, dealing with every-day details sometimes may seem boring and unsatisfying. as he works through these challenges, though, he comes closer and closer to an understanding of how dealing with everu-day issues really does connect him with the world of spirit, still operating at the core of his being.

midheaven in taurus

the midheaven, or MC (medium coeli) is usually but not always the same as the tenth house cusp. symbolically, the midheaven represents you individuality, the outward expression of your energies, it can also be referred to as ego identity, and has a strong connection with public life and career, symbolized by the tenth house. the midheaven also represents your aspirations and ideals. together with the ascendant, it represents personality in interaction with the world.

the tenth house symbolizes public life, authority, career issues, and also represents the mother, or perhaps the opposite-sex parent. as standing opposite the fourth house, the tenth house represents how the foundation of the personality is made manifest and concrete in the world. the birth chart is often divided into four seven-year periods, one per quadrant, cycling each twenty-eight years of life, and the tenth house is reached at age 21, te age of legal adulthood. planets in the tenth house will indicate what the energies and challenges are for your career, also how your mother (or perhaps father) was experienced.

taurus midheaven individuals achieve success when they openly express their own values. their career needs to reflect those values, perhaps by building something that furthers what they feel is a worthy principle. they access the strength and serenity of letting others know where they stand.

and that was it!! please rebloge it and let me know your opinions :D xxx

#rwrb #rwrb movie #red white and royal blue #rwrb book #firstprince #rwrb alex #alex claremont diaz #rwrb birth chart #astrology #astrology observations

32 notes · View notes

seafoamreadings · 11 months

Text

week of may 28th, 2023

aries: this week's full moon is a useful vibrant flame of energy for you in a recently stuffy period, and mercury finally emerging from the shadow of its retrograde gives you a little financial clarity as well.

taurus: first mercury exits the shadow zone of its recent retrograde, then it finally perfects its conjunction with your long-term transiting uranus. a brilliant flash of insight is likely, or at minimum other people will see you as knowing mysterious and brilliant things, unexpectedly and suddenly.

gemini: this week's full moon occurs across the axis of your self and your relationships with others. if all goes well, it's a nice commitment of sorts from someone you love/admire. if not, it's a declaration of war from an enemy (one you already know about - this has probably been a long time coming.)

cancerians: venus in your sign makes a zesty little sextile with ceres. if you've been trying to have children, start a garden, or get an art or business project off the ground, just a smidge of elbow grease gets it a sparkly head start now, so go for it. there's also a sagittarius full moon, shining on your daily rituals. you reap what you sow, so take care of your body and emotions.

leo: this full moon has the potential to be one of the funnest times of your year. if you can be out with friends, do so. i don't mean like two friends on a game night, i mean be out in the world. if you can't, at least go walk around in the park and see what you can see, or get your hair and nails done or something!

virgo: this week is just a series of great aspects for virgoans. especially if you are trying to sort out a strange partnership, maintain social connections, or focus on studies or spirituality. and if you're not already immersed in any of that, at least try to go spend some time under a tree, in a garden, or having a picnic with a friend.

libra: the air is thin, but be that as it may it's a richly venusian time. you probably don't notice the low oxygen levels over the pastels and sparkles. proceed with just a bit of caution, but not so much you don't enjoy the surreal beauty all around.

scorpio: this watery week is rejuvenating to you, and even the fiery full moon affects you in more energizing ways than it does the other water signs. the focuses are your money and your partnerships. but the money needs to be your own, don't get into any deals that weren't already in the works.

sagittarius: you're not known to be a particularly lunar/sentimental creature but when the full moon is in your sign as it is this week, you become just a little mushier. in a good way, don't be embarrassed about it! your freedom from shame liberates others from shame.

capricorn: it's good to spend this week in some kind of service if possible; help at a hospital, a soup kitchen, a shelter. do so with all the love you can muster, and with no expectations. if you don't have the time or energy, at least make a donation or perform some kind act for a stranger.

aquarius: troubles around house and home lighten up this week, and/or a family of origin conflict may be resolved. then a development in your social circle occurs. it's good to be connecting. if you're feeling aloof, do so from a distance, online or something, but don't keep too much to yourself this week.

pisces: venus trine neptune is a fairly quick transit but you feel it longer than most. your rosey view of the world and romanticization of everything will be annoying to some, but don't let them get you down. the world has seldom needed your power to make miracles of the mundane so much as it does now.

#horoscopes #weekly horoscope #astrology #signs #zodiac #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

78 notes · View notes

growup-gloup · 2 days

Note

Hi! Ive been dating this guy and this is the first time i really like someone and i would consider going all the way but now im nervous bc im 24 and ive never been in a relationship, never kissed or had sex. He's a nice person so i know he'll realistically be nice about it. But im still nervous to tell him bc at our age some experience is expected. What do you think is the best way to go about this? I dont wanna come across as a prude 🥲

Hi love,

Even if you'd slept with five different people before, every person you're with is different, and you'd have to figure it out all over again every time you're with someone new.

A lot of sex (and relationships in general) is figuring things out as you go. What works today may not necessarily work tomorrow. You'll both make mistakes and then laugh it off before moving on. One of the reasons I hate porn (aside from the abusive practices and romanticizing hurting your partner) is that it's so serious and choreographed. A lot of it is talking, asking each other what they want, telling each other what does or doesn't feel good, and, if you're lucky, a lot, a lot, of giggling

Also, let's stop talking about never having had sex as inexperience, or worse, prudism. Having sex doesn't give you access to this whole other world of knowledge and not having had it doesn't somehow make you deficient. I was lucky enough to get a comprehensive sex ed, which taught me everything before I'd even kissed anyone. By the time things progressed, even if I wasn't sure about what I'd like, I knew how to practice safe sex, and how to communicate with my partner.

Also, if you're unsure about what you would or wouldn't like, take some time to yourself at night and try different things by yourself and see what seems to work better. You don't need a partner for that.

That's literally all you need to know. Consent, protection, and communication. You didn't abstain because you're a prude, whatever that means. You abstained because you were waiting for the right person and the right time, and from what I gather, you feel like you have. And as long as you feel safe around this person, and you know that you can tell them if something doesn't feel good or that you want to stop, then you're fine. You don't have to be stuck on the lack of experience when you can just tell them that you want to take it slow and easy and see what feels good for both of you.

💋

#reproductive health #relationships #health

11 notes · View notes

desertfangs · 9 months

Note

Does Daniel love Armand because he is a vampire and not despite of his monstrosity? I was under the impression that he loved the being inspite of whatever "evil" there is. I saw a post mention just this. That book Daniel only knew the charisma of the "evil" and therefore was so admanant in his want for immortality. But once the reality of violence unfolded after his turning, then came the horror.

I mean—and let’s preface this by saying this is my read only and I’m not telling anyone else how to interpret what we’re told—but in my opinion, it’s pretty obvious Daniel is enamored with Armand as a person and as a vampire.

He’s captivated by his laughter. He indulges his obsessions, his desire to fly all over the place, to spend their nights at shows, movies, boxing matches, art galas. He’s nodding off at shows, exhausted from running around at all hours of the night. I’ve mentioned before that he puts up with a lot, and that is the sort of thing you do if you truly love a person. I don’t get the impression that Daniel loves Armand despite him being a vampire, or even because of it. He loves Armand, period. All of him. The vampire and the curious person who wants to learn everything about the world, who wants to film things and watch movies and put his cigarettes down the garbage disposal.

What we get in Devil’s Minion is pretty much Daniel’s POV and it is, in my opinion, almost a love letter to Armand. (I mean, maybe Lestat was able to sweet talk Armand into filling some gaps but it’s not like he’d need to, given that Daniel was probably happy to sit with him for three nights straight and recount their story. I imagine Lestat had a hell of a time cutting it down and wouldn’t be looking for more.)

He loves “snuggling with dead things.” He seems captivated by the idea of Armand wearing the clothes off his victims. He wants to see Armand kill. Clearly he’s romanticized death at the hand of a vampire (and had done so with Louis, when he begged him to turn him!) and now specifically at Armand’s hand. Armand, who is regularly taking little drinks of him and giving Daniel little drinks of blood in return. But I don’t think it’s just because he’s a vampire that Daniel is smitten.

Yes, he wants immortality. Because he wants to live forever with Armand. “What does it matter if you give it to me and it's wrong! There is no wrong! There is only desperation, and I would have it! I want to live forever with you.”

As for “the horror” after he was turned, I’m not sure what you're referring to. There was a lot of horror going on, what with Akasha immolating their kind. Or maybe you mean his first experience killing, which happened during the aforementioned purge of immortals. Daniel was turned at the most chaotic moment. His first kill is clumsy. They’re rushing to the concert. There’s no time for Armand to gently ease him into it, no time to make it palatable. He needs blood. Armand does his best. Daniel has to face the reality of taking a life quickly and then move on. And honestly, I think he handles it pretty well all things considered? Not long after he’s asking if Armand likes him as a vampire and is worried with how well he’s vampiring, but he seems more or less okay. I think the reality was always going to be a little jarring and the circumstances made it more so.

But there’s nothing in any of the books that indicates Daniel ever regrets becoming a vampire. Later on Night Island, he’s asking the ancients about history and we learn he likes to let his hunger build, but there’s nothing about him not liking hunting or having issues killing. We know he goes mad later and canon never tells us why. Giving the timing, I always assumed it was due to thinking Armand was dead but your mileage may vary on that. And we know at the end of the series, he’s hunting just fine in Rio, and later with Armand, and then moves into Trinity Gate, none of which speaks to him wishing he hadn’t become immortal or even not wanting to be with Armand even still.

Anyhow, I feel like this is a rambling response and I’m not sure if it’s what you wanted to know or just me spewing thoughts on Tumblr after a long, draining day at work, but I do enjoy spewing thoughts about Daniel! So thank you for the ask, anon!

#daniel molloy #armand #armand/daniel #vc meta #vc headcanons #vc #vampire chronicles #devil's minion #the devil's minion #anonymous #answers in the desert

40 notes · View notes

luesmainblog · 4 months

Text

i'm not gonna reply directly to the post because i don't wanna get into a bunch of shit, but i was surprised to see a mutual i respect reblog it, so i'll say this much. the reason people in bdsm didn't like 50 shades of grey was not as simple as "this is harmful". they didn't like it because it was an innaccurate portrayal of bdsm - or, more accurately, a portrayal of how bsdm can be used as an excuse to abuse - that was CLAIMING to be ACCURATE, GOOD BSDM. the problem wasn't the content itself, the problem was that anytime a criticism was brought up, you were accused of not being able to handle the spice, and the author was CONSTANTLY insisting that what her character did was totally fine and he definitely wasn't Like That. yes, we SHOULD have bare minimum standards of kink, but that doesn't mean "fictional depictions of abuse as kink are automatically harmful". it's about the context and attitude you're entering with, just like any other media. what matters is the conversation around it, not the content itself. Let's all remember that Lolita's biggest problem was readers viewing it as a romance, when the author was certain any sane reader would know how awful the situation was. and i've said it before but it bears repeating until this becomes common sense again: equating fictional abuse, even romanticized, to real abuse causes more harm than its existance does. equating lolicon to actual fucking child molestation is a massive disservice to CSA victims. equating anime twincest to the actual real life abuse of incest lessens the impact the word has for real situations. and i REALLY shouldn't have to say this, but telling a black person that they can't partake in raceplay is SIGNIFICANTLY more racist than anything they're gonna be agreeing to.

and whenever someone tries to give praise to weird and problematic kinks, or talks about how fictional darkness can't hurt you any further than you can hurt yourself with it, or anything remotely related, somebody always comes in with "um okay i agree unless its pedo shit", and we KNOW you mean the fictional stuff. you ALWAYS mean the fictional stuff. and i'm sorry, but no. if nobody was harmed unconsentually in the making of this god damn fanfic then you can just walk away. any argument you try to make for why it's actually Too Harmful To Be Allowed is going to use the same logic that christian moms use to say that pokemon is DEFINITELY going to make your child a satanist. yes, some people can use fiction to cause or perpetuate harm. authors can convince their fans that some fucked up shit is okay, abusers can use ANYTHING to build trust and convince their victims that what they're doing is fine, and people with little self-control can use things that trigger them to emotionally self-harm. all of this is true, and deserves to be talked about and considered. but if you can handle the idea that the majority of people playing violent video games every day are not actually violent people and will react negatively to real world violence, and can enjoy the mayhem they cause in-game while also being aware of how bad it is in real life, and SOME people being inspired to violence does not mean we should ban those games entirely, you can apply the same to kink. even the shit you find abhorrent. to be very frank, we shouldn't HAVE to bring up the therapeutic benefits to victims of real crimes for you to be consistent in your beliefs on censorship. edit: also pointed out to me and extremely important: "pedo shit" is EXACTLY how queer stuff is painted by conservative censors. it is one of the oldest arguments they have. so YES, the best way to immunize ourselves from allowing gays to be censored because too many people find them gross and immoral, is to get used to there being fictional csa depictions even if you find them gross and immoral. your disgust and fear that somebody MIGHT be hurt by it or MIGHT be taking it the wrong way is not, and has never been, a good reason to remove it. again: if no actual people have been harmed in its creation, then it should be allowed. we're obviously not defending actual CSEM here, that is irrefutable harm. we're defending the stupid fetishized anime shit that helps the people who went through that process and move forward.

#fandom wank #long post #ask to rb

10 notes · View notes

eat-men-like-air · 5 days

Text

Supercut, the only song ever

Melodrama as an album is bare chested and open faced. The song Supercut serves as a thesis statement for the album. It's hypnotic and dizzying, the haunting echoes, the arrangement of the snares and the tongue pops, the song is glamorous and traitorous in equal measure. Even though the song has a cinematic polish, Lorde's vocals really bring the uneasiness of a lost summer to life. The bridge is mutated to sound refractive, as if played from a speaker that has survived a nuclear explosion. The chorus is deceptively addictive and the drums are crisp. The lyrics are not sweet, they're not sad, there's something genuinely young and scary and difficult happening in them. There are things it wants to say and things that it can't say and some of those things are the same and that's something that haunts the listseners.

It's hard to grow up, it's hard to be a teenager on the cusp of realizing that summer is over, this is the last time that things feel safe. This is why I love melodrama, it makes the most personal experiences feel universal.

Supercut as a song is a literary enshrinement of the concept of nostalgia.Nostalgia is the heart's way of reminding you of something you once loved and no matter in what form it comes back to you it always leaves a bittersweet taste.

Amidst all the declarations of love, the song gives us a stark warning of the danger that comes with dwelling in this land of fantasy for too long, a harsh reminder to embrace our real life with all its flaws instead of reflecting back on your life and only wanting to replay that one film reel of the moments you spent with the person you no longer share that deep bond with. The conversation with that one person felt so absorbing so easy that the rest of the world just disappeared into the background. The flow of time never felt linear, seconds and hours became interchangeable. But deep down at some subconscious level you knew that this effortless kinship was not meant to last.

The protagonist of this song finds herself going back to the time she spent with this person over and over because of her love for narratives. There's times when our own stories pull is into depths of misery, her film reel traps her in patterns of behavior that draw her deeper into despair, she makes empty promises with herself thinking that surely, the narrative will be reclaimed by her again, even when we all know by listening to the desperate wailing in the song that the best option for her is to pack her bags and pick up another quest that gives her a narrative to romanticize. Reminiscing over their time together is the only thing that continues to give her life a semblance of meaning.

The bittersweet aftertaste of the song reminds me of the closing line of Dostoevsky's white nights "my god, a whole moment of happiness, is that too little for a whole of man's life?" This small drop of romantic or platonic relationship is the sole moment around which her life revolves.

In my head I do everything right

When you call I forgive and not fight

Because ours are the moments I play in the dark

Wild and fluorescent come home to my heart

These lyrics cement how in a relationship you will feel like you are experiencing a physical and emotional contradiction. There is disappointment next to admiration and anger alongside love. Wanting to make things right but knowing there's no way you can undo the fallouts. When you can't let yourself see that person from the perfect angle but only from over the shoulder because every full glance reminds you of all the ways it could've gone right, all the ways you could've been someone they might have loved. But still knowing that having that psychopathic mutual admiration last only for a day is better than to have never experienced it at all.

#lorde #can you tell that ive never gotten over anything in my life #melodrama #supercut #pure heroine #solar power #ella yelich o'connor #song essay #just girly things #girlhood #girlblogging #im just a girl #desiblr #lyrics #writblr

4 notes · View notes

vivien-leigh · 2 years

Text

The Signs as Vivien Leigh Film Roles

ARIES: Scarlett O'Hara. The energy you wield is most powerful. You are an absolute original, and while others might not perceive you as a creative, you definitely are one of a kind in your novelty. You have drive, power, and humor- qualities anyone would desire. You know exactly how to get what you want, and sometimes do it ruthlessly, but never stray too far from your moral compass. Just because your goals don't always align with others doesn't make you a bad person. Some view you unfavorably but you don't mind being the villain. It just means you have the guts and the natural resources to do what you have to, and you don't shy away from opportunities that are presented to you.

TAURUS: Karen Stone. You have an incredible poker face, exquisite taste, and supreme BDE. You always end up having the upper hand and being the alpha of the group, whether you want to be or not. While you aren't exempt from having your tiffs and moments of despair, you are innately competent despite it all and are always capable of picking yourself up in moments of tribulation. Sometimes you get tired of being strong, though, and want to be babied- but it's a side of you that you rarely show to others that don't know you too well. You're grounded, possess remarkable stability, and, while you're capable of change, one of your key traits is your consistency.

GEMINI: Mary Treadwell. You're a performer at heart which springs from the duality of your nature. The private side of you can be reserved sometimes, deeply touched by those closest to you, and even a little revengeful- but your public persona is something that's curated, theatrical, and has a vibrancy that is appealing to the masses. Even those who openly dislike you have a hard time minimizing how much of a joy you are to be around and how much fun those in your presence end up having. It's not all smiles and roses, though. You're deeply contemplative, leading to bitter resentment sometimes, which you try to mask- sometimes successfully and other times unsuccessfully. While you're ever evolving, you always carry the past with you internally, and change what it means to you and your relationship to your past at different points in your life.

CANCER: Blanche DuBois. You are ruled by your emotions, which is the most beautiful and most dangerous thing about you. While you may be stronger than others perceive you to be at times, you can crumble without the love and support of your dear ones. Sometimes you don't understand the cruelty of the world we occupy, and aim to fill it with as much gentleness and care as possible. However, you're also blind to the own hand you play in conflict and don't always hear others when they attempt to call you out for your behavior. You view it as an attack and retreat to lick your wounds before you surface again. You're nostalgic for a time that perhaps never was, but live in a romanticized version of reality and the past in your head. You love deeply and totally.

LEO: Emma, Lady Hamilton. You prefer to live in a world where beauty is king. While you can enjoy performing and peacocking about, it's because, at your core, you live to please your audience. You may be drawn to the finer things in life, but you'd gladly give it up for love. You have too much pride and loyalty to others to let it be known when you're struggling, and while you can be stubborn and stand by your convictions, you make the most incredible of friends- and lovers. If you deem someone to be worthy of your presence, and a good person at heart, you'll pretty much accept all of their faults and sketchy behavior. However, if someone gets on your bad side or you're led to believe they're intrinsically bad people, there's no convincing you otherwise and you won't accept anything- gifts, good behavior, or apologies- from those people. Your passion is what sets you apart.

VIRGO: Cleopatra. You come across as very learned and can seem judgmental at times, too stern, and very serious. However, underneath the teacher is the student, and you are always soaking up life about you and never take anything for granted. You never leave a new city or country or gathering the same as when you first came in. You're fascinated by your observations of the world and are always evolving in your understanding of life and the unique people and circumstances it brings to you. You can let your hair down and have fun, however you always revert through legitimizing the world via your perception and understanding of it and come across as very rooted and diplomatic.

LIBRA: Elsa Craddock. You're a goodtime girl (gender neutral) who loves to be an active participant in life. Some might call you thrill-seeking, but the truth is, you make most of the time that we're here on earth for. You're a great enthusiast of many things, which is why you can never make a decision to save your life. You don't like to be weighed down, by people, rules, or external factors, and can get argumentative when you feel you're being pushed in a corner. You love making up and beautifying yourself and deny the notion that you have to be devoid of personality to be someone to take seriously. You're the "going out friend" every person should have, but take care that you don't get too reckless.

SCORPIO: Myra Lester. You are one of the most fascinatingly alluring, hypnotizing, and mysterious beings on the planet. Capable of making anyone fall in love at first sight, others are easily intrigued by you, and you're able to keep up the intrigue- because it isn't an act. You're effortlessly enigmatic. You're far from being cold or distant though! You're incredibly loyal- to the point where you prefer having one or two close friends to many- and, underneath the perfect image you present to the outside world, you're incredibly soft. You also have a secret penchant for putting yourself in situations that bring out your wildly erotic side, though if this facet of your character is kindled without a loved one or in a way that isn't meaningful to you, it's deeply damaging. You are a unique treasure whom all hold dear, though they'll never fully be able to figure you out.

SAGITTARIUS: Cynthia from Fire Over England. You always appear to be comfortable and, if given the chance to explore a foreign country tomorrow with a day's notice, you'd pack overnight. You're adventurous and long to see the world through your own eyes, which leads many to believe you're a younger spirit. However, you feel stagnant and aged when omitted from things other people might deem as frivolous but you view as infringing upon your freedom. A conversation that's overly guarded or sanitized is not for you and, if you're in a setting where you need to heavily edit yourself, you'd rather not speak at all. Your need for authenticity and freedom often put everyone at ease and seems to encourage everyone to live life to the fullest.

CAPRICORN: Hester Collyer. You're a wild card that's packed with chaotic energy. You're the kid in school that never lied if they forgot about completing an assignment, and it would always throw the teacher for a loop. You don't care about the impressions you give off and live life without fearing anyone else. You're on an endless quest to discover more about yourself but go about this in a natural way that doesn't always read as cerebral to more grounded signs. However, despite all of these factors, you're incredibly devoted to those closest to you and make a very responsible and loving caregiver. Many feel you were the most difficult child of the bunch that grew into the best of parents. However, no title or experience in life robs you of your incredible range of emotions, moods, and quick-witted comebacks.

AQUARIUS: Madeleine Goddard. You are always two steps ahead of everyone else, with a rhythm others can't quite figure out. While human emotions- like those of romance or even depression- may slow you down temporarily, others would perhaps never notice you skipping a beat. You're so in touch with the core of who you are that you never unintentionally mimic those around you or deviate too far from the way you were created, which is unusual in a world where everyone else is trying to be what they think others want them to be for social inclusion. You're pretty perceptive and are able to read people incredibly quickly.

PISCES: Anna Karenina. It's easy for others to view you as privileged and spoiled- after all, you effortlessly harness what the masses would die for. However much you have in the material world, you always ask yourself what the human cost of certain things are. Nothing is of greater importance than your happiness and when you aren't prioritizing yourself, you're not the best version of yourself for those around you. You come across as very polished and something to aspire to, a figure of complete perfection. But you're also emotional, sometimes moody, and morally gray. You're extremely easy to make friends with and were likely voted best dressed in high school, but you also have a difficult time getting along with others people would perceive would be a good fit for you. This is because you're highly intuitive and nearly impossible to peg.

#vivien leigh #old hollywood #mine #tried making this as a chat but it was too long and i kept running into errors ugh

79 notes · View notes

dicktozier · 7 months

Text

Losers Club Big 3 in Astrology

with snippets of notes I've taken that stood out to me on why that placement makes sense for each of them.

Richie Tozier

Sun - Pisces

Flexible, adaptable, and good at blending in with others. Can appear elusive when interacting with others. Romanticize life deeply. Caring and compassionate about other people. Cry baby. Feel like they are beyond anyone’s understanding. Loves to escape reality. Lives contain moments that feel spiritual, fateful, or universal. Prone to mental illness and identity crises.

Moon - Gemini

Only shows you a part of themselves. Need an outlet for their thoughts and ideas. Can’t stand still. Have a difficult time with silence. Anxiety from the moment they wake until the moment they fall asleep. Must find a way to deal with their emotions rather than look at them as something to fix. Mothers had a different plan for them than they do. Always has a sense of humor about everything.

Rising - Leo

Part time entertainer, part time hype people. Fun vibes in the friend group. Love to stand out. Usually the one cracking jokes. Will laugh at any time. Have a great laugh. Have a contagious smile. Don’t mind spending money on things that will make them feel beautiful, and also love giving gifts. Generous people that want to make everyone feel loved.

Eddie Kaspbrak

Sun - Scorpio

Stubborn. Hot headed. Non-nonsense approach to life. Always observing. Plotting and planning from the shadows. Very emotional and they feel everything. Destructive when pushed past their level of patience. Transform through pain and suffering. Never remain the same person for a long time.

Moon - Virgo

Practical, thoughtful and value routine in their lives. Caring and looking out for other’s well-being. Invented anxiety and hating things. Self-critical. Struggle with expressing their emotions openly, preferring to analyze and rationalize their feelings. Ignore the fact that they’ve been stuck in the same loop of problems for years. Mother had strict rules and disobeying them disappointed her.

Rising - Aries

Deals with the world in a straightforward manner and fiery energy. Driven and direct. They prefer to let people know where they stand rather than beating around the bush. Extremely loving and loyal to their friends and family. Masks uncertainty with assertiveness. Warmth attracts others, but insecurity can push them away.

Stanley Uris

Sun - Cancer

Have a tender heart. Inspired to help others and nurture them. Tend to use humor to comfort or heal others. Moodiness and irritability. Retreats back into their safety net. When they get an idea in their head, it can be difficult to get them to give up. Hold grudges and have difficulty with forgiveness.

Moon - Aquarius

Have a hard time with emotional encounters in the moment, and need a moment to read into it. Overanalyze their own feelings and others. Overthink. Can see their future and don’t always know how to get there, but have an intuitive sense of direction on how to get there. Don’t disturb them in their hermit moments. Love to share their viewpoints.

Rising - Virgo

Come off as reserved and shy, but are not really. Appear unapproachable and distant. Tend to be neat and put together. Pay attention to details and have a keen eye. They seek practical solutions and prefer to rely on facts and logic. They enjoy analyzing and gaining a deeper meaning.

Ben Hanscom

Sun - Gemini

Naturally curious and have a thirst for knowledge. Adaptable and can easily switch roles in different situations. Innate ability to connect with people from all walks of life. Find humor in any situation, making them a joy to be around. Kind and considerate of others.

Moon - Libra

Some of the kindest people you’ll ever meet. Shine best when surrounded by people. Will consume anything to help block out their thoughts. Genuinely scared of being alone. Can focus on the downsides of life. They invest in relationships and focus deeply on that person.

Rising - Taurus

Enjoy the lovely things in life and prefer to take things slow. Calm and collected presence attracts people. Being around them feels like the crackling warmth of a fireplace during a storm. They give often. Committed to aspirations. Very patient, steady and enduring. Have a complicated relationship with food.

Mike Hanlon

Sun - Cancer

Have a tender heart. Inspired to help others and nurture them. Retreats back into their safety net. When they get an idea in their head, it can be difficult to get them to give up. Always know little facts about the gossip and surprise people with unknown facts. Known for their intuition and deep understanding of the world around them.

Moon - Virgo

Caring and looking out for other’s well-being. Self-critical. Ignore the fact that they’ve been stuck in the same loop of problems for years. Reserved in showing emotions. Find solace in routine and organization. If you have a problem to solve or analyze, they’ll often have a set of solutions.

Rising - Taurus

Have some of the best energy. Very down to Earth. Calm and collected presence attracts people. Very patient, steady and enduring. They are about setting traditions and foundations, and it doesn’t have to be outdated. Driven to help those that are suffering. Resistant to change by nature.

Bev Marsh

Sun - Aquarius

Won’t ever let anyone tell them who they are. Goes against the grain and rebels against norms. Straight to the point and no nonsense. Don’t lie. They want to make a change in the world and will call out what’s not right. On an odd emotional wavelength. Very clever, witty and intellectual. Value personal freedom.

Moon - Cancer

Nurturing and sensitive emotional nature. They feel others' emotions strongly. Probably tends to other people’s emotions before their own. Good at sensing problems and insecurities and putting words to them. They need as much validation as they give. They will do anything for their family (or found family).

Rising - Scorpio

Magnetic and powerful aura. Have the ability to transform or persevere. Have often witnessed a lot of unfair situations or been in one, and had to work their way around that. People become inspired by them or fear/hate them. Amazing gifts in creativity and art. Maintain a sense of mystery around them.

Bill Denbrough

Sun - Aquarius

Won’t ever let anyone tell them who they are. Weirdos. Feel like aliens. Aloof. Inspires others to see what’s possible and available to all of us. Hard to understand, hard to open up, but worth it once they do. Can be surprisingly stubborn. Equality and fairness are important to them.

Moon - Pisces

Powerful intuition. Cool and attractive personality. Struggles with escapism. Visionary and artistic. Give the feeling that no emotion is too much and that everything is allowed. They tend to follow what they want to do, and this makes people admire them. Their unwavering presence and support makes them a pillar for those in need.

Rising - Aries

Extremely loving and loyal to their friends and family. Extremely passionate and unstoppable. Their life has set them up to lead. Hold down the fort for everyone. Can end up carrying the world on their shoulders. Masks uncertainty with assertiveness. Warmth attracts others, but insecurity can push them away.

#honestly kinda put them order of how confident i am on where i placed them lol #losers club #it #long post #my posts #my stuff #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #stan uris #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #bev marsh #bill denbrough

5 notes · View notes

jurousei · 2 years

Text

the bigger picture

↳ Fandom: VALORANT ↳ Pairing: Chamber x Viper ↳ Content Warning: SFW

↳ Description: A one-shot exploring Chamber's feelings, based off the voiceline, "It's a shame you had to die, but you are not part of my bigger picture."

↳ Notes: Won't be posted on AO3, you can read it below. Thank you <3

“You’ll have to make a choice soon.”

Though short, Viper’s words are non-accusatory. The words come out straightforward and neutral, or at least as neutral as one can be about their possible, impending doom caused by a loved one’s hand. Which, to Viper’s credit, she did possess an extremely high degree of.

A consequence of his past actions biting him back in the ass like he knew it would, he just didn’t know it’d be like this. How was he supposed to know that he’d meet a group like the Valorant Protocol? A ragtag group, because that’s what they are at the end of the day, of people with too much power thrusted in their hands, heavy responsibilities weighing down on their shoulders when all they want is to live alongside the world. From wind-shattered kitchens to the loneliness of savant syndrome, they all carry their burdens and their stories.

Everyone seems scary to the outside world, but inside this building — no one is ever as heartless as they seem.

Among them, he’d meet the infamous Viper. Especially her, how would he have known that he’d talk to her, get closer, quickly fall in love with her?

Beautiful Viper, love at first sight echoes in Chamber’s heart. He no longer thinks about the moon or the sun, he thinks about the dark space in between that reminds him of Viper’s sleek, black hair; he thinks about how he’d like to rip every star out of the cosmos to place it in Viper’s hands, cover her in stardust and see her still shine the brightest among the stars. He thinks about Viper.

It’s taken him a grueling few months to weasel — because he can’t deny, that is how he succeeded — his way into Viper’s bed first, her heart second. But the French are romantics, and Chamber is no exception. He’s always been a lover, romanticizing everything he can including himself; the world is depressing enough, and he’s the only one who’s ever cared enough about himself like this.

(He was, he reminds himself. But Viper is here now.)

Sweet Viper, with a heart as cold as the sandy shores of a French beach. Viper who says one thing harshly and means five hundred things kindly; one of the heads of the protocol, she leads with both respect and fear. She takes nothing, but she gives everything; she fears for the protocol, the agents, and the very world she lives in — she’s a woman trying to survive everything.

The French are romantics, lovers, and Chamber mourns; could he truly still say any of those things?

A lifetime of orders from higher-ups, hands calloused from working on weaponry, Chamber doesn’t remember a moment where his hands weren’t involved in violence. He’s a person who fought in multiple wars of his own volition, the same person who didn’t blink at the deaths caused by the exploding reaction. The same person who had entrapped Viper upon first meeting, there’s been more bodies put into graves than his bed; if he starts counting now, maybe he’ll finish the amount of bodies killed on his hands by the time he’s dead in his own grave.

How does a person like him get to love another person? How do you love back the damage you’ve caused to the world?

On one hand, he’s doing better now. He doesn’t let his damage overtake him or his surroundings anymore, participates in the missions without that much fuss like a good agent, and he’s found people who actually enjoy being around him. He’s had colleagues and classmates before, but never friends; growing up sheltered and genius, it had always been easier to befriend objective, non-judgemental science than real, breathing people. No one had ever seemed to look past Vincent with his chunky glasses and awkward words anyway.

(Not until the protocol. Another reminder he isn’t alone.)

But on the other hand he’s already given up everything he’s loved and known for this personal mission once before, he could do it again. He has to do it again, or else what good would it do if chooses to give up now? Far too many sacrifices had been made for him to stop, everything would be in vain otherwise; everything would be ruined, everything would be meaningless. He’s been so hell-bent on his mission for so long, he’s unsure of what would happen if he aborts this mission.

Would he still have a reason to forge a path forward? If he peels away everything he’s worked for, would Vincent Fabron still remain?

He’s not sure where bloodshed ends and Vincent begins. Is there even a difference anymore? He doesn’t know what lies underneath the bloodied mountain of bodies and the empty shells of golden bullets, or if there’s even something left to find. He wonders when the two started to blur together, wonders if they’ve always been blurred together.

Whatever it might be, in this swirling vortex of emotions that runs rampant in his chest, he’s sure of one thing: he isn’t ready to talk about this. He knows how to give everything up but doesn't know if he can when the moment strikes.

His throat is dry, and his words come out alongside a small cough, “I don’t know what my choice is going to be.” It’s the only truth he can find in his heart. He doesn’t know anything anymore.

“If I’m not a part of your bigger picture, it’s fine to tell me that,” Viper says. Still, there is no malice in her tone and no pleas in her words. She doesn’t toe around the subject, talks about her own life like a subject to be analyzed. She doesn’t beg for Chamber to choose her over everything, and Chamber doesn’t know if he’s more impressed or saddened by that realization. “I’d just like to know as soon as possible.”

“You seem to think your life is less than my own, from what you’re saying, mon cherie.”

“It’s not that I think my life is lesser. It’s that I have to prepare myself too.” Viper’s blank expression morphs into a grimace, before her eyes harden, and Chamber is staring directly into bright-green eyes. “You’re not the only one who gets hurt once you make your choice.”

And she’s right, isn’t she?

Selfish Vincent, who’s only been thinking of himself and what he’d lose — he doesn’t stop to think about what Viper would lose, what the protocol would endure. He forgets that he’s only a small part of the huge web that entangles everyone, that just because only one string gets snipped, it doesn’t mean the web will stay the same. They’re all stuck together, whether they want to be or not.

“I see,” is all Chamber can muster out. There’s a sinking feeling in his chest, one that fills him with a cold emptiness at his ignorance. His fingers feel numb, his head feels like a mess, and there’s a void in his chest he can’t get rid of now. He does his best anyway to ignore everything.

“You’ll have to make a choice soon,” Viper reminds him. This time, it’s a little less straightforward and a little more softly; there’s less of brute strength, facing on one’s demise, and moreso a soft strength, reassuring Chamber that while inevitable, it’s not the end of the world. Because it isn’t, at least not in the ways that Chamber’s already experienced while he’s worked for the protocol. Those missions would count as world-ending, he thinks, if they hadn’t been around to stop a series of attacks.

Whatever he’ll experience next, whether a consequence of his personal missions or his betrayal of his own self, he won’t know until it happens. There’s no reason to dwell on the uncertain future when there’s certain dangers in the present. He knows he can’t escape this choice, but for until he gets there…

“I don’t have to make that choice right now.” Chamber’s voice is quiet.

“Not right now,” Viper reaffirms with a nod of her head.

Chamber swallows the lump in his throat, doesn’t tell Viper about how heavy his tongue feels as he speaks. He only watches how Viper nods in approval at his demeanor, before she returns to what she was doing before this shitshow of emotions. He still feels a queasiness, now from his chest to his stomach, but he tries his best to shove it down.

Tells himself it’s only for a little while longer, then he’ll make the choice. He’ll speak his truth, his reasons eventually — he only hopes he can still remain part of the web he’s formed, that Viper will remain by his side.

(No one is ever as heartless as they seem.)

#valorant #chiper #bitemark #chamber/viper #chamber x viper #chamber #viper #sei.doc #my writing

47 notes · View notes

religion-is-a-mental-illness · 5 months

Text

youtube

'Student SUPPORTS Hamas fully' | Peter Hughes: 'Kindness to one group can mean cruelty to another'

Andrew Doyle: Has kindness become cruel and divisive? Well, that's a theory being advanced by Dr Peter Hughes, a philosopher and author who has written this week about how acting with extreme kindness to one group can lead to acts of cruelty towards another. And I'm delighted to say that Dr Peter Hughes joins me now. Welcome to the show.

Peter Hughes: Thank you very much for inviting me.

Doyle: So, Peter, where does this theory of yours come from?

Hughes: Well, it comes originally from the work of a Polish psychiatrist called Andrzej Łobaczewski. He wrote a book when Poland was in a communist occupation called, "Political ponerology." And that means the theory of the origin of evil. And what really fascinated him was how, what he called a pathological minority, a minority of people who were narcissistic, grandiose, but mediocre and believed in themselves way beyond what their competence would dictate, took it upon themselves…

Doyle: I know few people like that.

Hughes: … but they took it upon themselves to decide what people could think, what people could do, what people could say, and he was fascinated by this. And he wrote this book in collaboration with other psychiatrists. It originally, they threw one copy of it on the fire when the secret police came around, just in time, they smuggled another one out to the Vatican which got lost, and then eventually he recovered it from memory and rewrote it from memory, missing a lot of the statistical data, but the basic points he made were true. And what I'm fascinated in is how a pathological minority can come to power, can hold power, when the majority of the people do not believe in what they're saying. In our case, what we pathologize in our society is kindness.

Doyle: So, there's something very interesting about this idea. I've seen kindness and being a victim weaponized so that effectively, the assertion of victimhood becomes a means to bully others, and to cudel others. Which sounds counterintuitive of course, but we see it all the time. So, we see it among activists, we've seen it on the streets of London. We've seen people chanting for, effectively, genocide and death of Jewish people. And saying that they are victims and that's why they're doing it. What's going on there?

Hughes: Well, because what you do is you have a strong allegiance to your ingroup and that means you have a strong aversion to your outgroup, and the more depth and virulence you support your ingroup, the more likely you are to be violent to your outgroups. Let me give you some examples. We had a a case recently, obviously in the wake of the Hamas atrocities in Israel, we've had people tearing down posters of children who've been who've been taken hostage. We've had universities making statements condemning Israel with no mention of Hamas whatsoever. We had yesterday a student in, I think, a Canadian college called Durham College saying that she supports herass fully and believes they should do it in her words again and again and again and again. And it's all done in the name of kindness for the oppressed.

Hughes: So, once you divide the world into oppressor and oppressed, the righteous and the unrighteous, the sinful and the blameless, then you can unleash unlimited cruelty.

Doyle: But is it just because these things have become abstractions to these people? You know, they're not there on the ground seeing the children being burnt alive, seeing people being raped and tortured and murdered, and so therefore they can see this as something that's happening far away and they can sort of, I suppose, romanticize it and change it into something that it isn't?

Hughes: But it's slightly different from that. Because the psychology, and what makes it such a a catastrophe really, is that the psychology of it is very robust, because they're really talking only to themselves. And what they're doing is that one person who believes in this type of pathological kindness will connect very well with somebody else who doesn't. Whereas, for the mass of ordinary people, they have a very different understanding of kindness. We understand kindness as being giving to someone who has a need, who might be in trouble, who might be struggling, regardless of what their belief is.

One of the foundational stories for our own civilization is the Good Samaritan. And of course, the Good Samaritan is someone who comes along and helps someone who's been robbed and attacked, even though they come from different social groups and the Samaritan is the exile, the other, if you want. And these acts of kindness which ordinary people engaged in are being demonized because they're not using the correct language.

Doyle: But it is baffling to me. You know, we saw that activist at the Trans Pride rally calling on, basically, the crowd to punch women who disagreed with them and getting a big cheer, right. Now what's going there, because these are a group of people who are saying they are demonized and victimized. But they are the bullies, quite clearly in that situation.

Hughes: Well, Łobaczewski estimated about 5 to 6% of a population - he called it the pathological underbelly - will drive these ideas. But what they do is, they pathologize, then they pathologize normal people and everybody else gets pulled into this catastrophic world.

Doyle: Okay that's interesting, so it's a minority.

Hughes: It's a minority that drive this, it's not a majority.

Doyle: Well, I was going to say because with all the the death threats and rape threats that go towards JK Rowling simply for having an opinion that most people hold, and for for a very compassionate opinion as it happens. Now, it would never occur to me, I can't think of any scenario where I would behave like that and yet you see these thousands and thousands of people doing that. I can't think of any scenario where I would attempt to defend terrorists like people are doing. So, is it just, it's not that we've suddenly got sociopathy on a widespread level. It's not that.

Hughes: No, it's not. I think it spreads and people can ally themselves to this pathological minority, but a minority that drives it. So, if you look at the situation with Hamas for example, Hamas went into the -- I, we don't need to go into all the details about what they did -- but, we know how horrific and horrendous it was. And that is the pathological minority.These are people who are jihadists, who will stop at nothing to erase Jews from the face or the Earth.

Doyle: I don't believe their supporters could do that.

Hughes: But not only could they not do it, they couldn't even watch it. But yet, they will cheer. They will say yes, let's do it again and again. Okay then here's a cudgel, here's an axe, here's a knife, do it. "Well, I couldn't do that." So, the way to counter these people, if there is a way to counter them because they've got so deep in our society, into the bureaucracies that govern our institutions and our corporations, but you have to isolate the pathocrats. Because most people just want to get on. Most people understand empathy. Most people are capable of looking at other people and seeing them as a fellow human being, as a fellow sufferer.

Doyle: It's about reclaiming humanity, right?

Hughes: About reclaiming one's humanity, and one's collective humanity from the pathological minority.

Doyle: So, finally, because we don't have much time, but there is nothing new about this in so far as if you go back to the Inquisition. The people who are strapping those individuals to the rack and torturing them -- they did think they were doing it for God. They did think they were on the side of the Angels. It's perfectly possible throughout human history for for good people to do the most horrendous things.

Hughes: Horrendous things. But what makes a tyranny of kindness so dangerous is that people can punish other people, the outgroup endlessly, take great pleasure in it, and still remain virtuous. And that is truly terrifying. And is where we're at. And we have to understand, the tyranny of kindness is also a tyranny of virtue which, interestingly enough we remember the Republic of Virtue at the end of the French Revolution which is what Robespierre and his fellow revolutionaries saw as the endpoint of the French Revolution. And where did that end? It ended in bloodshed and the guillotine. And that is where we're headed unless we isolate these pathocrats, reclaim normal kindness from its pathological underbelly, and reclaim words like love, hate and kindness for the mass of people, of normal people.

One final point, and Łobaczewski makes this really well, he said the only crime that normal people commit which makes them punished so much for their views, is that they're not psychopaths. And normal people aren't. Ordinary people are decent.

I believe in the decency of humanity, I absolutely do, but then I see these marches and I see most of them are not chanting anti-semitic chants or engaging in that kind of thing. But they are turning a blind eye when other people are. That's what disturbs me. That makes me think that it's become so normalized in that movement. How do you reach those people? I couldn't walk past someone calling for genocide and ignore it. I don't know how you reach that point, and once you've reached that point, isn't it a question of deradicalization rather than persuasion?

Hughes: It is, it is a process of deradicalization. But deradicalization is simply one form of psychological realignment, when what you're doing is you're enabling people to see that they've got this virus in their heads which is driving their behavior, which is against their interest and it's against the interest of all their fellow human beings, including those closest to them. Nobody wins in this game. Nobody at all wins, because where it ends is in chaos and bloodshed. And who's going to gain from that? No one.

Doyle: Well, I think it's absolutely chilling stuff. Dr Peter Hughes thank you so much for joining us.

#Andrew Doyle #Free Speech Nation #Peter Hughes #cruelty #kindness #Be Kind #Andrzej Łobaczewski #Andrzej Lobaczewski #sociopathy #pathocracy #pathocrats #empathy #weaponized empathy #sociopaths #religion is a mental illness

4 notes · View notes