#gift for bil and sil

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for insisting my MIL spend her grandson's first Christmas with him?

🎄🎁 to recognize it

Some background - me (30f) and my husband (35m) have a six month old son, first grandchild for both sides. I have a large family that I am incredibly close with. My husband pretty much just has his mom (60f) and brother (33m) in the area. Until we met my husband and his mom spent most holidays with my sister in law (33f, the brother's wife). My SIL and her fam have been going through a rough time lately for various reasons (death, hospitalization, substance abuse - all different members).

I worked tirelessly to make sure my son's first Christmas was perfect. I had a whole schedule for Christmas Eve and Day, including matching pajama photos, reading the Night Before Christmas before tucking the baby in, Christmas gifts first thing, brunch, etc. One thing that was important is that everyone would be there when the baby woke up and make sure they saw him see his gifts for the first time and open them.

Upon see the schedule, my mother in law said she'd stay for presents and brunch, but planned on having the rest of the day and dinner with my SIL and her family. I was hurt, to say the least.

This is where I may be the asshole - I told my MIL that this is her first grandson's first Christmas and she wanted to miss it to spend it with her 30-something son and daughter in law instead? I called her selfish and told her not to bother coming at all if she didn't plan on spend the entire day.

She came Christmas eve. And Christmas morning. And headed over to parents with us. She was cold towards me the whole day, but played along and I know my son will remember her there.

I lost track of her among the hustle and bustle of my extended family and when I asked my husband where she was, he said she left around 6 to go to my BIL and SIL's house. I lost it and told him the whole deal. He was not happy and asked how I could possibly threaten his mom. He claimed our son won't even remember today, but everyone else certainly will.

Am I the asshole for thinking my MIL should have spent the whole day with us?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[skippyv20]

Times are changing….❤️

Christmas can be such a difficult time, for many. Some people are lonely, some people are alone, some can’t afford a Christmas dinner, some can’t afford presents, some are mourning loss of loved one/s, etc.

I look back on Christmas’ past, and I feel happiness, and I feel sadness. Where did the years go? If only I could have known it would be my last Christmas with that loved one. I have great memories of Christmas when I was small. I have great memories of Christmas when my daughter was small. Oh how these memories make my heart smile.

I haven’t been blessed to have little ones around like so many of you. I miss that excitement for sure….building Christmas up for them, seeing how excited they get. Seeing Christmas through the eyes of children, that is a true blessing. Christmas is time for remembering the birth of Jesus. A time to rejoice, a time for family and friends. The importance of being together and really appreciating that gift, has been taken away by the commercialization of Christmas. It has been that way for years. People now don’t just have their own personal problems, which affect their daily lives…. along comes Christmas. Times are tough.

It is so easy to forget about those who struggle, because…you know…it doesn’t make one feel like it’s Christmas. No one wants to think about that….because it is sad. Instead, many focus on their own Christmas. All the presents to buy, all the food preparation, all the liquor they need, all the parties they attend, all the new outfits to buy…and yet….some are sitting wondering how they can even have Christmas.

Some people make bad decisions in their lives, and it affects everything. Some people are struggling due to circumstances out of their control. They had plans too, and then life happened. They were faced with trials…some trials after trials. They can’t breathe because they are so overwhelmed. But hey, no one wants to think about that! It’s Christmas!

Well, my family and I decided our Christmas’ now will be different. We aren’t going to exchange gifts like we have in the past. Starting next year, we are each going to pick a cause and donate to that. Instead of paying for a few Christmas meals for a hamper, the money for gifts for my family I will give for the food hampers. Animal shelters is my daughter’s choice. My husband and SIL are still thinking of theirs.

Why would we do this? We have always tried to donate a little at Christmas to others. This year, we all got on the same page. We don’t need anything. When you can’t even think of what to put on your Christmas list….well, that is a game changer. We don’t need anything, we don’t want anything. So, in order to feel like it is Christmas we couldn’t think of anything better than to help others have a Christmas. Every little bit helps.

My sister and BIL have no children. Every year the most exciting thing for them is when they do their Christmas Toy shopping. They buy toys, lots and lots of toys to donate. My sister gets so excited, she loves knowing Christmas morning some little girl, or some little guy is smiling. That is where she finds her Christmas joy. Seriously, they go crazy in the toy store!

We are not rich, we have had our struggles, and trials. We have been blessed. The thought of Christmas isn’t the presents, it’s the time we give to one another. It’s the prayers we say for others. It’s the helping out when we can, as little as we can. The world is so messed up right now, and people are sad. If we can stop and focus on how to make others happy, we ourselves will be happy and at peace. To be clear, we don’t have little ones, if we did, we would still do the big Christmas’, still making sure to put something aside for others.

I don’t want anyone to ever feel that they are seen in a bad light. I want people who are struggling to know…we have all had those times at some point in our own lives. They are deserving of a nice Christmas. Don’t think of it as charity, think of it as people coming together to pick each other up. We all fall, we all need that.

My Christmas wish is that everyone can have a wonderful Christmas. That people don’t focus on what they don’t have, but what they do have. We are so lucky, and so blessed.

From my family to you and yours, Merry Christmas, stay safe and give extra hugs to one another.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[jenthebug]

MASSIVELY disappointed.

Husband and I were having a little work day, getting passports and visas squared away for Australia in March.

BIL and SIL promised us plane tickets for our honeymoon as a wedding gift. Right now, tickets are more expensive than they can afford. And they're more expensive than we can afford.

We have to postpone.

We'll be going to Australia in October, after we save up some more money for the tickets. We'll be cancelling our hotel and flights to LAX today.

It's cool, we get to go there in the spring (blossoms! warm weather!) and we have more time to work with, but damn. I was 2 months away from going to Australia and now I'm not.

#insertcaffeine honeymoon

[didee-anne]

Photo dump and update from the last week. Leavenworth last Wednesday was fun! The concert we were going to attend got cancelled and we ended up leaving before it got dark and the lights really popped, but we all had a good time anyway. Thursday was Rory’s work’s Christmas dinner and after that he surprised me with a hotel stay! Friday was a low key day at home and we made a bunch of fudge. Saturday we had a couple different friends over and worked on a puzzle. The kids all helped for a bit before they lost interest and us adults ended up finishing it. Christmas Eve was busy. We had church that morning and then I ran out to my BIL and SIL’s place to drop off a gift for the family gift exchange that we do with them every year. Got home in time to grab the kids and head back to church for choir practice in preparation for the candlelight service. The service went well. The tech had some issues with the music but it got sorted out. We came home and while Ror was finishing dinner prep his youngest brother and his wife stopped by to drop off a gift for the exchange and my sibling and their wife came over to join us for dinner! For dinner Ror made prime rib. I didn’t get any before pics but I did snag an after picture lol. After dinner the kids opened their gifts from the aunties and then we watched my all time absolute favorite Christmas movie; It’s a Wonderful Life. Since we started the movie late the kids got to stay up late and then after they were in bed Ror and I got the presents set out under the tree and stockings taken care of. My oldest Jennifer does a scavenger hunt for us to find our presents from her so in order to give her time to hide all the clues she’s the only one allowed out of her room before 8:30am. It’s so nice knowing we won’t be up at a stupid early hour. We did the scavenger hunt, the kids opened their stockings, and then everyone opened their gifts. After presents I gathered everyone for our annual family picture in our matching jammies and then we spent the rest of the morning dancing along to just dance videos. It’s ridiculous how good my big girls are at that! I’ve never done it before but lots of laughs were had and that’s all that matters to me. Late morning we had a zoom call with Rory’s side of the family and we did our gift exchange. Sometime after lunch we played Fluxx with the kids. I bought the Jumanji version and the Marvel one is on its way. The kids enjoyed it and Nikki won. I got Nikki some heartless hair curlers in her stocking and the results are THE CUTEST!!! I didn’t think Nikki could get any cuter and I was wrong! Anyway, Tuesday I had my weekly coffee date with Lori and gym date with Ror. Jennifer and her boyfriend went to the fabric store and bought some material to make blankets and while they waited for the fabric to be washed and dried they used my old dance lesson videos and spent a couple hours swing dancing. They’re so stinking cute together it’s ridiculous. While they were dancing I finally got around to cutting out my rainbow window cling and getting the designs put up! The monstera leaves took forever to cut out but they’re my favorite and I’m glad it’s finally done. Today I had a breakfast date with my SIL and then met up with Ror at the gym for a workout. We worked shoulders and now it’s a challenge lifting my arms 😂. It’s been a lovely busy week. This next week won’t be _as_ busy but it will be busy. I’ve got Nikki’s 15th birthday this Friday and then our 17th annual NYE LOTR marathon. 🥳🥳 it’s one of my favorite days of the year!

#photo dump #life things #Christmas stuff #teens are awesome #lotr #rambling #me #teenagers are great

[malissawithan-a]

Our little family birthday party for the girls was yesterday, went well for a thrown together one. My BIL and SIL got Lucy this doll however:

It is far heavier than expected, a good 5 lbs even though the product description says 1.5 lbs. The hair is already shedding and the noises are super annoying. This is the type of toy that I say no to if they ask for it in a store. It’s also a toy that I refuse to get as a gift for other kids, it’s just a bad choice overall. Trying to be happy that they tried to choose a gift that Lucy would like, but really wish they had checked with me first because I would’ve given them better ideas. Also, they wrapped their gifts in the most glitter-covered wrapping paper I’ve ever seen and now everything is covered in it, which feels like some passive aggressive thing. I don’t know, I know these are all stupid complaints and we’re lucky to have family that went to celebrate our kids and all that, just venting about an annoying toy that will “disappear” soon.

[thequietproblem]

AITA for not wanting to be on my in-law's Christmas Card because of my BIL & his wife?

I have never written one of these before but as the holidays are approaching I am dreading spending time with my in-laws and I feel racked with guilt.

Backstory: I (23F) married my husband (23M) last year. We had been dating for five years and we are high school sweethearts. A month after our wedding, my brother-in-law texted us saying he was going to propose to his girlfriend for maybe 5-6 months. I was shocked and a little upset because my husband and I had to go through so much just to get married.

When my husband and I were dating we had to follow some pretty strict rules about when we can or cannot be associated with the others family. The general rule was I had to have a ring on my finger before I could be included in family celebrations. When COVID Christmas rolled around, I got to be on the family Christmas card but with the distinction of my maiden name. My MIL didn't want any distant relatives to think we got married without them knowing. I totally understood and was just happy to be included. After my BIL proposed not only did my SIL get to be on the Christmas Card, she designed it and put my name at the bottom and very last (I know what you're thinking "OP do not be upset by that it's literally a stupid card that only a handful of people will keep. All the ones from last year have been thrown away." Trust me, I know, that is why I want to know AITA). I was hurt because everything has been a struggle and I have always felt a need to prove myself to my in-laws like it was never enough for me to just be me.

My BIL married her this past year and we were all getting along. I have had some hurt feelings here and there because my parents-in-law treat our new SIL better than they have ever treated me. They always take my BIL & SIL's side on what to do or where to eat. They've held countless family celebrations on days my husband and I couldn't make it (we live an hour and a half away). My husband and I noticed that the four of them all hand out and make family decisions without the two of us. It made both of us pretty sad and upset because we were already excluded just because we live out of town and then we have no say when it comes to family events.

This past October I reached out to my SIL to ask her what specific days we would do holidays with our husband's family. I did this because last year, my husband and I had made our plans before we got married and let everyone know. She changed the plans and my husband and I had two thanksgiving dinners on the same day and an unequal amount of time spent between my family and his because of my SIL.

We agreed that Thanksgiving Day is with the in-laws and the day after is with our own families. I then said that to keep it fair with my family, I will need to do Christmas Eve with our in-laws and Christmas Day with my parents. She said that was a great plan and we left the conversation alone.

Last week my MIL called to ask what I would be baking for the holidays. We had a quick chat and she asked about what our Christmas plans were. I told her what SIL and I agreed on in October. My MIL then said that SIL and BIL would be leaving town at noon on Christmas Eve and that they would be doing the 23rd with my in-laws. Both my husband and I were shocked because when we make plans we stick to the plan. Especially when it involves other people. My husband and I reserve the 23rd to do our Christmas together so we don't have to awkwardly open our gifts in front of the family (most of the time it's cheesy stuff that is inside jokes between us). We agreed that we cannot trust our SIL with plans again because she continues to disregard anything we tell her.

I've told my husband before that I just want to be excluded from things and that maybe running away would make them love us more. AITA for not wanting to be a part of the "picture perfect family" my SIL & MIL are trying to make it?

#am i the asshole

[unlockandrelease]

Mercies Anew

Since 2012 I have kept a daily God-sighting journal. Each day I write down three ways I saw God the previous day and mark the date. I keep it simple with my sightings being more about seeing everyday blessings than the big miracles we experience a few times throughout life. I am currently in the upper 8,000s with my God-sighting journal and recently, found myself seeing them more than I normally do, given some abnormal circumstances.

Last weekend, husband and I experienced a flurry of ER visits, tests, doctors, nurses, waiting rooms, more tests, and finally answers to an ailment that had plagued me for almost two weeks. The answer included surgery. Been there, done that four times previously…walk in the park…right?

Not so much. This was a very different, very pain-filled surgery, with a very different recovery. While that surprised me, husband and I did not find ourselves discouraged. Discouragement was far off because we were experiencing God’s mercies anew every morning. God-sightings came in so fast I couldn’t keep track of them all.

God-sightings like…

The excellent care of the surgeon and nurses. Their kind words and tender hearts calmed my own fears and eased my pain. Mercies anew…

The woman who took my meal order daily while in the hospital told me to order as much as possible. But why? I was eating crackers like a bird. “What you order and don’t finish your husband can eat for a meal.” Needless to say, husband was WELL fed. Mercies anew…

Hospital policy now allowed husband to spend the two nights I was in the hospital with me. Mercies anew…

Husband who never left to go home an hour away and freshen up, but stayed with me through it all, sleeping on a less-than-comfortable futon. Mercies anew…

The gentle hospital housekeeper who told us her story of pain while exuding a spirit of constant grace and love for the Lord. Mercies anew…

My parents and siblings (by birth and marriage), who checked in on my progress constantly via phone calls or texts. Mercies anew…

My parents who sent an uplifting, funny gift while I was in the hospital, knowing I could use the laugh. Mercies anew…

My mother-in-law who made a meal fit for a king for us and drove an hour each way just to deliver it to us. Mercies anew…

My church family who sent a lovely plant arrangement, provided meals and prayed hard over both husband and I. Mercies anew…

My co-workers who had a gorgeous flower array delivered to our condo. Mercies anew…

My BIL and SIL who sent a meal via mail saying “Surgery calls for chicken noodle soup!” Mercies anew…

My supervisor who told me, “We will handle things till you return. Focus on getting well!” Mercies anew…

Our Lifegroup who prayed and checked in regularly on us. Mercies anew…

A girlfriend who lives across the country, praying over me during their service of healing on Sunday. Mercies anew…

My Lifegroup friend who knew I hated to miss attending husband’s spring concert, held her phone up for the whole hour, calling me through Google Meet so I could still hear and see the concert. Mercies anew…

We were overwhelmed by the mercies anew, sometimes on a minute-by-minute basis. We did not want this to happen and certainly did not ask for it to happen during the busiest time of my husband’s year. And yet, mercies anew…again and again and again.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”          ~Lamentations 3:22-23~

#great is thy faithfulness #mercies anew #graceupongrace #surgery

[somediyprojects]

Every Love Story Is Beautiful stitched by jaeknits. Pattern designed by Emma Congdon, featured in Cross-Stitch & Needlework’s 2017 Keepsake Calendar.

“I just finished this gift stitch for my BIL/SIL’s upcoming 20th wedding anniversary. I am so pleased with it, I wish it was for me, haha!

It’s a Stitchrovia pattern, which I’ve altered (because the original has ‘but ours is my favourite’ as the second half). I had to add the scroll work to the bottom corners to fill in some blank space, as well as improvise the entire section with their names. It involves lots of charting, stitching and unpicking, but I love how it turned out!!

I also changed the colour palette quite a bit to be more muted, as the original was in brights and aren’t really suited for their home decor.

It’s also the first time I pinned and framed a piece myself and I was shocked that I did a good job on it - no wrinkles, haha!”

#cross stitch #inspo #x #emma congdon #magazine

[skippyv20]

I heard a young person say they feel sorry for old people….

I am an old “people”…..I laughed when I heard that.  I remember feeling the same way when I was in my 20′s.  Time stood still, and went by so slowly.  I would never have to worry about being old.

Surprise!  The years flew by!😂

I grew up very sheltered.  I was naive until I discovered the internet in my early 40′s.  I had no idea that so much had been going on around in the world, and I knew nothing about it.  My world was very small.  I had my parents, my husband, in-laws, few friends, and of course work mates.  I didn’t know many people that travelled.  I didn’t go to parties.  I had parties sometimes, with my family and few friends.  I thought I was very busy.

I think of the fact, that because my world was so small that is why I didn’t even realize the bad marriage I was in.  I really thought all people lived like that.  Then I watched the Betty Broderick movie, and I saw things that I recognized happening to me.  

I did have consistency in my life.  Every day was the same.  I was content because I didn’t know it could be different.  When my daughter was born, I wanted more for her.  I wanted her to live in a bigger world.  I wanted her to try all food, to have no fear of speaking her mind, to have a good education.  To live a life…HER life.

I of course, always had God with me.  God has always been my best friend.  HE never leaves me.  All through my years, HE has remained.  Now apparently, I am old.

I am happy being 65.  I am wiser.  I am more aware of all going on around me.  I am ok with not feeling like I should do “something”.  I am ok with sitting and laughing by myself at a tv show, or reading Tumblr.  I am ok with having days I am not feeling so lively and kicking up my heels.  I am ok with being lazy sometimes.  I am ok with not colouring my hair any longer, and surprise….hardly any gray.  I don’t even have gray, I have very few silver.  

As for being old….I am ok with that.  I have travelled many roads.  I have been touched by many hearts.  I have laughed more than I have cried.  I found my inner strength.  I have chosen my battles carefully.  I have never broken any laws.  I have been released years ago from a painful marriage.  I have been blessed to have a wonderful, happy marriage when God put Mr.  Skippy on my path.  God put on my daughter’s path a wonderful husband for her.  Truly blessed I am.  I love my SIL, and enjoy him so much.  My daughter and SIL add so much to my life.  I am grateful.  Although my parents and two siblings, two BIL’s are gone, I still have one sister and BIL…who I thank God for.  I have had many pups in my life, and loved and lost them over the years.  I have three pups right now, that mean everything to me.  

I have loved God and retained my faith all my life.  I think getting old is a privilege.  I think of the many that have not had long lives, and that is sad.  I don’t think we should ever have regrets of growing old.  I think we should embrace each day knowing many can’t.  We should thank God for each and every day he gives us.  Aging is a gift.  It’s not sad.  We are walking books of knowledge.  Like others before us, we have much to offer.  We are also much kinder when we age.  We are more patient.  We are still willing to learn, and we are great listeners…..We are better than a fine wine.  We love deeply, we care deeply…we are the lucky ones.  

So, don’t feel bad for the “old people”.  Pray you become one of us!🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[ksuew]

11/29/21 Work in progress.

#work in progress #cross stitch #wip #calypso and jasper #ebony and ivory #gift for bil and sil #dimensions 70 35269

[trivialbob]

This was a fine holiday.

One the Eve, Sheila and I hosted people at our house. Our favorite neighbor couples, our two sons, and the daughter and her boyfriend of one of the couples. I’ve liked that over the years the adult children of our friends always felt comfortable hanging out with the parents at a party or gathering.

We had food for forty. I didn’t over indulge on drinks because I wanted to eat a bit of everything in the kitchen. We had a plentiful assortment of spirits, wines, and ales too. After dinner we played bingo. Winners (which was everyone) got to pick from an assortment of fun and silly gifts.

That night six people and five dogs stayed at our house. We were surrounded by love, friendship, and barking. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

After people left or went to bed, Sheila, Matt, Jack, and I stayed up for a little bit to exchange gifts. Matt brought me some local products from his home in Santa Fe: beer, coffee (made with pinon nuts), and beef jerky. Jack gave me some really good coffee that one of his colleagues makes and some accessories for the gift they all gave me. It’s one of the coolest things I’ve received in ages. I will write about that in a separate post.

Christmas day Sheila, Matt, Jack and I went to my SIL’s house. This is the second holiday season without my FIL. Christmas-time was his favorite time of the year. It’s still a bit odd not having him there, with him bringing abundant gifts for all and cracking jokes at my SIL’s cooking. We again played bingo, and winners got fun things, like candy, gift cards, and other items.

Yesterday my side of the family met at my sister and BIL’s farm. My brother brought his new girlfriend. She seemed comfortable around everyone, which was nice. All but one of the grandsons where there. The missing one returned to school in Madison. He’s in the marching band and had to get back to get ready for the trip to Las Vegas where the Badgers play Arizona State in the SRS Distribution (WTF?) Las Vegas Bowl on Thursday.

Everyone brought a bottle of booze to exchange. Matt ended up with an interesting one: Italian gin packaged in a container resembling and oil can.

Before going home we went to the barn to visit the animals. It’s my sister’s private petting zoo. Three miniature donkeys, three goats, two miniature cows and some chickens. We tried coaxing barn cat Helen out of the hay bales, but she’d have none of that. Martha, the yellow lab, ran circles around us as she avoided getting head butted by the goats.

We departed for home just before dark. Snow was coming. We made it home safe and sound as the roads stayed dry. That evening Sheila, Matt and I watched a movie, The French Dispatch. Interesting. Plenty of famous actors, but none who were the primary focus over the others. As the movie played the snow finally started to fall. It was only an inch or two. Everything outside is beautifully covered in white, but not so much that it will be a chore to clear the driveway.

[reddit-aita]

AITA for rudely telling my mother-in-law the reason why I won't give my son my husband's last name?

Hi.

I'm a mother of a 6 y/o son. I've been with my husband for 3 yrs. His family is a big proud family of LEOs and my husband is a LEO himself. They love my son as their own but MiL repeatedly ask about the possibilty of giving him the family's name as in change his last name which belongs my late husband's then list the reasons why I should consider it. I gave no clear answers in hopes she'd drop it.

My husband was working when me and my son visited his family last weekend. Mil asked again when I will finally give my son the family's name. I felt annoyed I said I needed time to think about it to get her off my back but BiL chimed in saying I should feel honored and not even take time to think about it because his family's name and reputation are well known among others. MiL said by not considering it, I'm creating distance between them and my son and preventing them from being a family under one name.

I was mad, I said I wasn't going to do that anytime soon and will wait until my son's old enough to decide. I added that I didn't feel it's right to make this decision on my son's behalf nomatter how much his stepfamily love him. He already has a father that gave him a respectful last name and so this should be enough, Period

BiL and his cousin chuckled, (sarcastically?) MiL and SiL said I was a hypocrite for expecting them to treat my son as their own and yet refuse to let them give him their last name. I responded that they're the ones letting a name dictate the kind of relationship they have with my son. I don't understand why it's so important to have my son have their last name. Like it's supposed to complete him or something.

MiL still argued about it after I said this was between me and my husband and didn't stop so I left during dinner then got a text from MiL thanking me for rudely telling her that her family's name isn't good enough for me and my son. she said it's my decision to keep my son's last name but should no longer expect them to treat him as if they are his family after I made it abundently clear that they are not.

Mil emptied the room she had for when my son visits and SiL sent her husband to get back the gifts she gave to my son and made up an excuse for it. I was hurt and consulted mom who said I should show my inlaws compliance if I wanted benefits for me and my son's future since they have potentials and are well off. My son's current last name is 'useless' at this point according to her.

My husband is conflicted, One minute he's saying his mom kind of has a point. the next he's on the phone yelling at her to stop it. But still thought being rude was not the way.

Did I go too far?was I AITA?

EDIT Just adding:

LEO(s) : Law Enforcement Officer(s)

Mil : Mother in law

Sil : Sister in law

Bil : Brother in law. In case some of you got confused.

I told my husband I won't be visiting anymore although he said he could tell them to apologize and drop it but I feel like this is too big for an apology to fix even if I seemed rude.

#reddit #aita #am i the asshole

[absurdthirst]

Since you are great at advice:

My husband told me that my MIL decided that we should all (her, my hubs, son, me, SIL, BIL, and 2 nieces) go to Disney world in the next year. Hubs and I have already talked about Disney and determined we want our son to be 8/9 so he can enjoy it and remember it. If we go in my MIL time frame my son will be 5. My hubs has no fucking idea how to say no to his mother. And this will be something that we pay down ourselves, not like she’s offering to pay for the trip. It feels impossible to convince my hubs that we had made up our mind on Disney. Thoughts?

DON’T DO IT!!!!!

My oldest was 8 and my youngest was still 4 when we took our first trip to Disney. He doesn’t remember it as much as I would have liked. 

The fact that she wants to determine when you take him is a red flag for me. Especially when you are paying for your trip yourself. This isn’t a trip that is a gift. 

I honestly would recommend going by yourselves the first time. Because when you include others, even family, it becomes less about what you want to do than what they want to do as a collective. And that is just going to rub you raw that you don’t have your first experience like that with your child the way that you want it. 

We went on a trip to Disney in 2018 and invited my in-laws. My husband was running the Walt Disney Marathon and we decided it would be nice to make it a family trip. (HUGE MISTAKE) By the end of the trip, I felt completely taken advantage of and have not really talked to my in-laws since then and really have no interest in talking to them. 

That’s not to say that trips that include family aren’t great. We often invited my father before he was remarried to vacation with us and we took a family cruise in 2019 that was amazing. 

But if you view this as special, your child’s first trip Disney, take my advice and wait until you are ready and go alone. 

#real talk

[malissawithan-a]

Oh buddy, so glad that we are almost done with birthday season in my family. Between me, my dad, my sister, my MIL, my BIL, and my kids it's a bunch of birthday 2 months. It's so much. There are 2 other family birthdays coming up in March but we're past the big batch of them, and I'm relieved to be done with gift buying for a while. We are doing a family birthday party for the girls on Sunday, kind of stressing about getting all the needed cleaning done and meal isn't completely planned so the next few days will be a flurry of stuff.

The girls had really good birthdays, Alice got to take treats into school for her class and she was so excited. Lucy's happened on a snow day so we were stuck in the house but still got the pizza that she wanted for dinner. Picking out what the family did for dinner was a big tradition for me growing up, I like that we're passing that on.

I feel like we've gotten into a better routine with school schedule lately. I'm not as stressed about getting grocery shopping done and Lucy seems to be past needing a nap daily. Still hard to get anything done during school days, maybe I've just accepted that I can't and that's why it's been better.

Alex and I have had several conversations during the last few months about whether or not to have another kid. It kept switching to who was more of a yes and who was a no and with Lucy now being 3 we feel like time is running out. Right now I'm the no person, I don't want to go through another pregnancy and I'm feeling stretched thin with the two kids I have. Which makes me feel weirdly guilty because my mom had 5 kids and I can barely handle 2, shouldn't I be able to handle more or handle the 2 I have more easily? It's a strange guilt, I know that I'm not my mom and that recognizing my limits is a good thing and all but the guilt is still there.

Oh, also, I had mentioned to my SIL the other day that I wasn't all that happy about my MIL giving the girls American Girl Dolls since it was something I had done with my mom and wanted to do with them and turns out she felt the same way. She actually had the conversation with my MIL that I've been avoiding and I'm grateful, they're no longer being given the dolls and my MIL is understanding why. So that's good, feel weird that she's the one that had to be brave and bring it up to her but still grateful.

That's it, lots of sameness in life and rather big decisions that we feel like we're running out of time to make. But good overall!

[tcfkag]

Project Peanut

Since I’ve made it FB official, I figured I’d share it here too. 

Monotasker and I are having a baby! Project Peanut is proceeding well with a healthy baby and (surprise!) a healthy gestational carrier (or surrogate) as well! We hope to come in on-time and with ten fingers and ten toes in late-June of 2021. 

If you’d like to learn more about how we got here, read on below. But...

TL:DR;  Monotasker and I have a very exciting summer coming up thanks to Monotasker’s brother and absolutely remarkable wife (our SIL) who are giving us the most amazing gift in the world, a child. The world feels like everything is falling apart but our how is that we wil remember 2021 as the year that Monotasker and I are going to be parents for the first time. And @alaric-greyson​ will become an uncle and my parents will be grandparents for the first time, though we have a gaggle of younger cousins so they’re well prepared for this. 

Longer story about our journey with surrogacy after the break:

  Monotasker and I didn’t actually start down the IVF/surrogacy path on our own. Because of my health, getting pregnant could have killed me. We had come to terms at a certain point that we weren’t going to have biological kids. And while we’d talked on and off about adoption, we weren’t sure if it was right for us. We wanted children but we were also honest with ourselves about the realities of our situation. One of the many ways that Monotasker has been a great husband; he has never made me feel guilty about this. While we both were able to experience grief in our own ways, it was never a question that we made the right choice to be together. It was just another curve in the road of our life together.

  But, during Christmas of 2018, my husband’s brother and our sister-in-law sat us down and made an offer so huge that it would never have occurred to us to ask; SIL and BIL had discussed it and were willing to be our surrogate if we wanted. It still makes me tear up thinking of that first talk. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. The closest comparison I can think of is someone donating one of their kidneys to you. Sure, they have another kidney (or in this case, my adorable niece) so it may not seem like as big a deal to them, but if you have zero kidneys, it is the biggest deal in the world. 

  Thus began a long (and let’s be honest, expensive) process that had several bumps along the way. The doctor at the IVF clinic, who was great, strongly suggested that we use an egg donor because even just extracting the eggs would have been dangerous for me (and besides, my DNA is nothing to aspire to) and I think he was surprised when we agreed pretty easily. But the truth was that we’d already been thinking about using a donor. He just confirmed our concerns about the egg-harvesting procedure and the potential complications for a patient like me. 

  But, that also meant adding another step to the process. Picking an egg donor was one of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever had. It was almost like some kind of bizarre version of online dating. It took four tries for us to get an egg donor who was a good candidate to donate and showed up to her appointments. (Eventually even the nurses at the clinic started feeling bad for us.) But, in the end, the fourth (and final) egg donor we chose, the one who worked out, was actually the best fit. She listed Ruth Bader Ginsburg as her personal hero! That’s when I knew it was fate.

  Even after we finally got the eggs, finished having the embryos fertilized, tested the embryos for viability (including additional tests looking for certain genetic issues that made conception less likely), and everything else we could do to “load the dice” - so to speak - to help make implantation successful. It was early-2020 before we had the best, most viable embryos frozen and ready to go. It was, in fact, March of 2020 when we had an appointment with the doctor to discuss The Next Steps (i.e. more testing for our surrogate, a cycle of injection hormones, and then implantation). We had hoped to schedule an appointment ASAP. In March or April. Of last year.

So three guesses what happened then?

  We were finally able to fly up our SIL from her home state in October (which was luckily the lowest our local numbers were all year) for a 24-hour trip to have the implantation done at the IVF clinic up here. It was amazing how simple the procedure actually was after all that. 

  Obviously, we knew we had pretty good odds of the implantation working; we had, as I mentioned, loaded the die as much in our favor as possible but, deep down, I still felt sure that something, anything else could go wrong. That it just wouldn’t work. That we’d be left to decide whether a second cycle was worth it. How much could we continue to ask for from our SIL after she’d already “leased” us her uterus for SO long! I know that my experience with health and wellness is skewed, but I always assume the worst until I’m proven wrong. But I tried not to project that same energy onto SIL who is way more zen about all this than I am.

  But this weekend we had something of a come-to-Jesus moment about just how soon our Peanut will be joining us in this world -- and how much more we have left to do to prepare. So if you have good tips on Must Have newborn stuff or tips on having a newborn through surrogacy or adoption (or in anyway where you weren’t the one who carried the baby to term). I’m not worried too much about it, but I’d love to hear people’s stories about how they bonded with the baby and if/when the nesting instinct set in. Or when you had YOUR “oh shit, this baby is really happening” moment.

#pregnancy #surrogacy #gestational carrier #pregnancy announcement #Project Peanut #TCFKAG IS the Mama

[thecampbellfam]

How are you and your family celebrating the holidays?

Loaded question, haha. Because of the strict regulations in my province right now we are limited in what we do.

We have delivered gifts to our extended family for them to open over the holidays.

We are doing a socially distant park meet up tomorrow to exchange gifts with my MIL, BIL, SIL and nephew.

We were supposed to deliver gifts to my grandma and my father-in-law/step mother-in-law but both have bailed on our socially distant plans.

On Christmas Day we are having brunch and dinner with our housemates. And midway through the days my immediate family is coming over to do a socially distant outdoor gift exchange.

Oh and on the 27th we are doing a quick family zoom call.