#get fucked Gregg

[theshortangrylesbian]

A big old, "Fuck you!" to Hulu and Disney+ for taking Runaways off so now I either have to pay a stupid fee to watch it, or on shitty free movies/tv show sites.

#the runaways #marvel runaways #deanoru #karolina dean #nico minoru #alex wilder #chase stein #gert yorkes #molly hernandez #virginia gardner #lyrica okano #ariela barer #rhenzy feliz #gregg sulkin #Allerga Acosta #over this shit #fuck you disney #fuck you #fuck you hulu #this is getting ridiculous #so fucking pissed

[sage-nebula]

To be honest I kind of just want to write a fic set after Frontiers where Tails ends up in Possum Springs and befriends that crew. Not for any plot reasons, there's no plot really, but just so he can hang around with a bunch of people who have problems and negative feelings and think it's A-OK to feel and express those negative feelings. They treat him like the kid he is because they're in their twenties, and he explodes with everything he's been through in a way to prove that he's not just a kid, and Mae responds with the NitW-certified understated, "Jeez." They take him to smash lightbulbs behind the Snack Falcon. They let him sit in at band practice. He helps Bea out at the Ol' Pickaxe so she can finally fire the creep that assaulted her. (She at first tells him that's probably a violation of child labor laws. He goes, "what are those." She says "fuck it" and hires him.) He and Lori get to gleefully shout, "everything sucks forever!!" while laying on the train tracks because sometimes you've just got to embrace the fact that, yeah, things suck! And maybe they always will! And maybe that's okay! Maybe it's okay to not be okay!!

There's no plot. This follows the events of NitW too, so there's no danger from the cult. Tails is aged up a little maybe, perhaps 12 so that he and Lori can be closer in age (since she's 14), because I want them to be besties and later pen pals. (She gets him a friendship necklace that's two halves of a star. Together they spell "BFF." She gives him the B, because he has a big brain, and keeps the second F because she wants people to think it means "fuck."

Tails: "So . . . Brains Forever Fuck?" Lori: "Exactly" :3)

I just think it would be fun and maybe what he needs. Everything's dying in Possum Springs and everything sucks, Mae is severely mentally ill, Bea is cut off from her dreams, Gregg and Angus have no way of knowing if they'll ever manage to get out, Lori was probably going to be the next target of the cult. But hey, they're still alive. They can still smash lightbulbs and build crazy robots and tightrope walk on the power lines and have knife fights (ok that's just Mae and Gregg) and play grunge rock as loud as they can during band practice. Angus can tell Tails about a universe that doesn't care, and people who do. Gregg can commiserate on what it feels like to feel worthless, and Bea likewise on how it feels to be overwhelmed but knowing you have no choice but to keep going anyway. And Mae can save him the trouble of paying for a shit therapist by telling him, look, the only therapist around will tell you to just journal your thoughts and feelings. So do that. Maybe it helps. She doesn't know. But she does it, so hey, might be worth a shot.

I don't know, I just like thinking about it. Don't know if I'll ever write it, but the idea of Tails and Lori M being pen pals regardless is one I like a lot (as well as Tails taking a burned CD of the band's EP with him when he leaves, and actually picking up on that journaling thing big sis Maeday told him about . . .)

#i recently rediscovered the song ''Ghosts'' by Mandopony which is based on NitW #and it makes me think of this concept a lot #the thing abt the Sonic characters is that feeling negative things is often like . . . they try to fix it for each other? #which isn't bad per se; there's no bad intentions there #but whether it's Sonic or Amy or whoever the idea is always - #no no don't feel sad! believe in urself!! be happy!! be optimistic!! etc etc #but sometimes you NEED to feel bad. sometimes you NEED to just scream abt how much everything fucking SUCKS #bc feeling it & screaming abt it is the only way to get to accepting & moving on from it!! #so i think being around ppl who are like ''yup things fucking suck bro. have a drink (wait how old are you again)'' would be healing #plus there's one lyric set in ''Ghosts' that really works for post-Frontiers: #''I found the stars but I lost my mind'' #idk. i'm just thinking abt it a lot #night in the woods #oh ALSO since Gregg is ALSO a fox he could teach Tails the trick where u put cups on ur ears #& then u can hear the ocean #v important trick for him to learn #sth

[campcrystal-lake]

If Gregg Turkington On Cinema were real he’d be my soul-enemy (like a soulmate but opposite)

#theres a fight over at the morgue #this is why even though tim is a MAGA asshole you can still sympathize with his frustrations with gregg #because gregg fucking sucks too and needs to get taken down a peg whenever possible #that being said i also think i could fix him. i just wouldnt want to & would have more fun being a hater

[airbrushfather]

i defeated gregg in hand to hand combat and they finally let me leave

#ive had such a fucking great time working at greggs but do not EVER get a job there #you will want to commit homicide 99% of the time

[rindomness]

OHHHH WHAT IS THIS CELESTE MIRROR TEMPLE BULLSHIT

#WANDERSONG WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS! #WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!! #I CANT SEE ANYTHING EXCEPT THE WAYS IM GOING TO DIE! #i started this overseer section going oh! this gimmick isn't too bad! #this gimmick is kind of fun actually! #and then the horrors #you know. considering i had the EXACT same experience w the mirror temple playing celeste #i probably should have expected this! #but no! #i didn't! #this is awful terrible scary! #got so scared by this level i got up to get a drink about it! #guy who likes sudden spooky bits in video games scared by the sudden spooky bits in the video game #just how i like it. but also i hate this #flashback to playing night in the woods and going oh! i can play this in the dark w my lights off! #and then i did the historical society w gregg and i had to turn the lights back on bc i got too scared to finish w them off

[wabblebees]

the next old man at work who calls me "love" or "sweetie" or "doll" dies by my blade

#gonna start telling people thats what my belt knife is for #the old guy that called me kiddo?? incredible!! loved that!! people that ask my name and use that?? THANK you #the people that call me ''young lady''?? mmmmmmdont like it but fine id prefer that to getting hatecrimed #but old-ass gross men dont get to use pet names #especially not when theyre terms of endearment i love hearing from my partner #like. come the fuck on gregg. we've interacted for all of 2 minutes most of which you spent complaining abt literally nothing #why are you calling me pet names when thirty seconds ago you were making fun of me for wearing a mask harold. you have spinach in yr teeth. #just bc i was being polite doesnt mean i want you to flirt with me. fuck off robert youre four and a half decades older than i am #bee speaks

[writteninverses]

leaving liverpool today and i’m so upset because my friend had bought me donuts from gregg’s and I FORGOT TO ASK HIM TO GIVE THEM BACK TO ME BEFORE GOING TO THE AIRPORT.

i’m so fucking sad😭

#i have to go back to the uk #greggs is a fucking discovery #we need them in my country #literally i’ll go back just to go to greggs #me to my friend: “hi love just visiting you TO GO TO GREGGS AND GET THOSE DONUTS

[dani-draws-201]

From @myundocumentedass on tiktok

#tiktok #roe vs. wade #gregg abbott #greg abbott #texas #public school #im studying to become a teacher and i cant fucking imagine not being able to teach all students #and i grew up with peers who were undocumented #they grew up to go to college #create businesses #and become outstanding members of the community #all because they opportunity to get an education #and now bitch ass gregg abbott wants to take that away #fuck him

[phantoids]

Just a little note, in case anyone's wondering, I will be continuing doing stuff, esp with ctechno in it and shit, just maybe a lil delayed. Maybe not. Who knows.

Hope everyone'll be doing well soon, remember to self care.

#void echos #got greggs i wanna eat but the tears won't stop #like yea i'm sad but i have *greggs* lemme eat fucking #anyways hope god fucking hesitated or is getting his ass kicked by the blade cause we all know one of those or both is gonna happen

[floorpancakes]

this song is so doumeki coded im gonna yell

#tommy heavenly6 #ive been getting very into tommy lately #nobody was surprised #no but like i am building a doumeki playlist and when i realised the lyrics to this song i was like FUCK!!! #common theme lots of the songs i put in my doumeki playlist r like big explosions of emotion and a willingness to do crazy things for love #or a desperation to quietly love from the shadows #or fight fate w bare hands in a greggs parking lot #anyway the theme of like 'u made a wish that's gonna drag us apart and take you far away #fate is a trap wishes can bring harm id become a devil if it was for your sake' #LIKEEEEEEEEEE #xxxholic #if you think about it doumeki is the tommy heavenly6 to watanukis tommy february6 #its the glasses... #Youtube

[porcelana-r0ta]

let the mourners come

Title: let the mourners come

Ao3 Link: Only available to Ao3 users

Word Count: 3045

Summary:

It started, as most things do with Danny Fenton, as a joke.

It ended, as most things do with Jazz Fenton, with things better than they were before.

xxXxx

When Danny finally gets a Twitter, it’s during Elon Musk’s shit show takeover. He’s able to secure a good Twitter handle thanks to people leaving en masse and fleeing to Tumblr. He knows about things that happen outside of Amity Park (he is terminally online rather than chronically, after all), but he still doesn’t think anything of using @TheJoker as his handle, even knowing about Gotham City’s clown troubles. It’s just going to be a shitpost account, anyway, one that dances in the chaos of Elon’s electronic graveyard. Nothing will come about him using @TheJoker when he’s merely posting things like, “Just grew a new row of teeth!!! very pointy but can’t go to the dentist anymore bc they might turn me in to the giw.”

So Danny honestly never foresaw The Actual Real Joker breaking out of Arkham Asylum all the way in Gotham City, New Jersey, and deciding to get a Twitter account to terrorize people online as well as offline. And he definitely never foresaw The Joker @’ing him on Twitter, demanding that Danny change his Twitter handle. But, well. Here he was. 

[Image Description: A screenshot of a Twitter reply chain, starting with the real Joker @'ing Danny's Twitter account, which uses TheJoker as his Twitter handle. The Joker, who has a verified account, demands that Danny "change your handle", and Danny replies with a simple "no" followed by red heart emoji. The Joker Tweets, "Kid you don't know who you're fucking with," to which Danny replies, "Ye I do ur some dude w/ poor fashion sense and lame jokes. Maybe try badjokesbyjeff bc originality is ugly on u" followed by a shrugging emoticon. The Joker responds, "Check your DMs." Danny then responds, "Perf [happy emoji surrounded by hearts] I've sent you a time and place. Can't wait to beat the shit out of another disgrace of a clown." Someone with the username "Gregg rulz ok" responds to Danny's last Tweet, "Bro is absolutely RATIOING the joker but the clown keeps responding [three skull emojis] embarrassing frfr too bad he's gonna die for realsies".

End ID]

Danny is quick to respond and then makes even quicker work of roasting The Joker. This soon results in The Joker DMing him his IP Address and a creative threat. Still, Danny isn’t about to cow to a clown with no respect for the art of clowning. He replies to the DM: 

Cool, meet me at the Nasty Burger parking lot in Amity Park IL on tuesday at 2am

The response from The Joker is quick:

Fourteen year olds are too confident these days

Danny rolls his eyes and ignores the influx of notifications from Twitter, and instead makes another Tweet.

Imagine beefing with someone over a Twitter handle lol acc so embarrassing for him

He blackens his screen and stretches in bed, letting his spine pop more than what is humanly possible. He runs his tongue over that second row of teeth, his lips curling into a grin. 

xxXxx

Gothamite Twitter is blowing up over The Joker’s social media beef with a faceless shitposting account. Jason, upon finding out about it, has a series of reactions: first, he looks up the shitposter and follows them. Then, he finds the actual chain between the poster and The Joker, and his vision goes vibrant green when he sees that The Joker’s profile picture is of the second Robin, beaten and swollen in an abandoned building in Ethiopia. 

When his vision clears and he can breathe without wanting to kill, he likes the shitposter’s replies, and he calls the Replacement to see if the other Bats know already.

“We know,” Tim says in lieu of a hello when the ringing cuts out. “We’re working on it.”

“What, you think anything’s gonna come of it?” But even as Jason asks, he already knows the answer. The Joker is unhinged and once he’s threatened something, he’ll follow up unless he comes up with a “funnier” option. 

Tim’s breath hitches, and he says, “I’ve hacked their DMs. Joker knows the kid’s IP address and sent it to him. He knows everything from that address alone.”

He pauses in the middle of suiting up, “Kid?”

He hears Tim swallow, “Yes, kid. He’s fifteen. And he gave The Joker a specific time and place to meet up to fight. In his own hometown.”

“Are— are you fucking kidding me?” 

“No. B is already calling Nightwing. We’re taking the Batwing to Illinois.”

“Jesus fuck. I’ll be there in twenty.”

“Hood, I—”

“Shut up, I’m already in my gear.” He hangs up without waiting for a response. 

He refreshes the Twitter feed and barks a laugh at the newest Tweet:

Jason Todd votes, and the Red Hood leaves his safe house. 

xxXxx

A commercial flight to Illinois takes around two and a half hours. In the Batwing, they get there in an hour, and don’t even have to worry about the drive from Chicago to a small speck of a town like Amity Park. They spend the quick flight learning everything they can about Daniel James Fenton, the owner of the Twitter account, and they can all sense the growing tension from (and between) Bruce and Jason.

But, well. Jason doesn’t care. Let them be uncomfortable. It doesn’t compare to being ripped back into life and finding out his dad didn’t even get justice for his death. 

When they reach town, it doesn’t take long to find the Fentons’ home. This is in part because Amity Park is a very navigable town, and because of the giant neon sign proclaiming FentonWorks on the side of the building. 

“Is that a blimp?” Dick asks. “Why don’t we have a blimp?” 

“Where would we keep it?” the Demon Brat counters practically. “Goliath takes up all of the Cave’s extra space.” 

Jason rolls his eyes and knows veins would be popping out of Bruce’s forehead if it weren’t for the cowl. 

“Let’s go,” Bruce says instead, and they all make their way to the house. 

Nightwing, predictably, goes for the front door approach. Jason rolls his eyes as he takes one of the second-story windows and finds his way downstairs.

He gets down at the same time that a redheaded girl answers the door and nearly slams it in Dick’s face. Jason has to suppress snickers at the sight. 

“Wait, wait, wait, are you Jazz Fenton? We need to talk to your brother!” 

“...We?” she asks, then tenses and turns around to see the rest of the Bats in the hall behind her. Dick takes the opportunity to step in completely, closing the door behind him. “Wha— what’s going on?”

“Where are your parents, Jazz?” Bruce makes every question sound like a demand. Jason rolls his eyes from behind his mask—way to put the teenager at ease, B.

“Why do you need to know?” Her voice has a defensive edge to it. “What do you want with Danny?” 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Nightwing comforts. “He didn’t do anything too bad, just said some dumb things online. It’s not his fault.” 

This relaxes her, and her shoulders begin un-hunching. “Oh, s-so what’d he do?”

“He foolishly challenged The Joker to a battle in a ‘Nasty Burger’ parking lot tonight.” 

“You could’ve had some more tact, Robin,” Nightwing scolds. But the Demon Spawn just crosses his arms. 

“He did what?” Jazz shrieks. “Like, The Joker from Gotham? That Joker?”

“Are there others?” Red Hood comments dryly. 

Her face goes through several different emotions—disbelief, rage, fear, and then rage again, “DANIEL JAMES FENTON! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!” 

There’s a thumping noise, and then frantic footsteps down the stairs. 

“Wha? Who died?” asks the figure of a tiny fifteen-year-old, smaller than even Jason had been when he was alone with The Joker. He’s tiny and lanky. Zero muscle definition. Eye bags to rival the Replacement’s. Something ripples in the Pit, deep and distinct, but he can’t name what causes it.

Oh, this kid is so dead. 

“Danny,” says Jazz calmly while Danny blinks uncomprehendingly at the heroes in their hallway. She is solemn when she says, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill you now.” 

“What did I do?” 

She stares at him, “Why have you scheduled a fight with The Joker?” 

“Oh, that.” He rubs the back of his neck, “Is he taking that seriously?”

“Of course he is, Danny! It’s The Joker! That’s what he does! He can’t differentiate between a joke and reality! He would tear off his own face for the bit!” 

“Oof,” is all Danny can muster. He digs his phone out and starts typing before Jazz yanks it out his hand. 

“You’re fucking TWEETING about this?” Jazz asks incredulously, and Hood’s hackles rise. She even reads the Tweet aloud, “‘Just found out @TheJ0ker is being fr about fighting me. Sad but i can take a clown.’”

“I was gonna add ‘i’ve done it b4,’ but like the letter and the number four. But yeah.” 

“You’re grounded forever.” Danny opens his mouth to protest, but the look Jazz cuts at him is so scathing that he shuts his mouth. Hood is reluctantly impressed—she had what could be cultivated into a fantastic Batglare. She pockets the phone, “You’re never getting this phone back. Taunting The Joker to Amity? Have you any brain cells? What if he brings Joker gas with him, huh? Or any of his goons? What if he starts hurting other people? Have you thought any of this through?” 

Danny’s face goes from tired to chastised, his lips drawing into a frown, especially at the mention of other people. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t think that he’d take it so seriously.”

“He sent you your IP Address.”

“I thought that was just a random string of numbers?”

“Oh my god,” Jazz despairs. “Oh my god. Grounded forever. See, I know you're lying to me. I know you're lying because Tucker, the nerdiest tech nerd to have ever been born, is your best friend.”

He rubs the back of his neck, “I tune him out?”

“You’re still lying to me?” Jazz scoffs and turns to Batman, “Do whatever you want with him. I’m not going to defend him from this.” 

“Hey!” complained her brother, but Batman just continued on, “Where are your parents?”

“They’re in Sweden for a science convention,” Jazz answers. “They left this morning.” 

Damn, Jason curses to himself. 

“Jazz, seriously. You’re not gonna let Batman kill me, right?” 

“Do you want to be cremated or buried, Danny?” Jazz asks blasély, and Danny gulps, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. 

“It’s my Twitter handle,” he mutters petulantly, and Jason can’t believe the gall of this kid. Or maybe stupidity. Audacity’s a good one, too. “If he wanted it, he should’ve gotten it first. And he gives clowns a bad name.” 

“Not the clown thing again.” Jazz digs her palms into her eyes, sighs, then turns to the heroes. “He has a whole clown thing ever since Circus Gothica came to town and robbed a bunch of jewelry stores.” 

Danny gestures wildly with his hands, as if demonizing clowns was the real problem and not the egomaniacal mass murderer who wanted to murder him for his Twitter handle, “Clowning is an art form, Jazz, and people like Freakshow and The Joker make a mockery of the very serious societal statements that clowns make!” 

All of the Bats very carefully Did Not look at Nightwing, who has made very similar rants on quiet patrols.

“You are never leaving this house again,” she says serenely. “And I’m unplugging the wifi router.”

“You would punish even yourself?”

“Oh, little brother. I would watch the world burn if it meant knocking sense into your thick skull.” 

“Okay, Christ,” Red Hood finally interrupted the siblings’ melodrama. An unyielding redheaded girl and a mouthy black-haired, blue-eyed boy? They’d fit in a little too well back at the Manor, so Jason needs to cut this shit out before Bruce’s bat-doption instincts start tingling. “Stop. Just… Christ. Stop. Is this how you always interact with each other?”

“Sometimes there’s explosions,” Danny pipes up, a cheeky grin on his face. 

Jazz doesn’t dispute it. 

Fucking hell. God damn it. I can’t. I just can’t. 

Batman doesn’t give anything away, “Robin and Red Robin will be staying here with you until Nightwing, Hood, and I apprehend The Joker. First, we’re going to check the perimeter.” 

“Oooh, I get to give the lab tour!” 

Lab?

“No lab. You’re grounded. You’ll only be in there for cleaning duty now.”

“Wh– hey! No fair!” 

“What’s this lab you two are talking about?” Red Robin asks before Jazz can rip into her brother again. 

She sighs, “Our parents’ lab. I’ll show you, but someone needs to stay with Danny.” 

“You act like I’m gonna run off and start World War III….”

“I wonder why,” she says sarcastically.

Batman nods to Robin, who nods back, and the rest of them follow Jazz out of the living room to a metal reinforced door. She types in a code—Jason catches the numbers 03-14-99. There’s an assenting beep, and she opens the door, flicking on the lights and leading them down into what is apparently a basement lab. 

A stone settles in Red Hood’s stomach, cold and heavy. 

The basement is large, likely the floor size of the entire building. There are several work tables, filled with miscellaneous blueprints and spare parts and weapons and tools. Against the farthest wall is another armored door, but what draws Hood’s—and the entire Batclan’s—attention is the south wall, where a circular hole in the wall was glowing a toxic Pit green. 

The stone shattered in his stomach, splintering into his body. Is it harder or easier to breathe? Jason can’t tell. 

“Wow,” says Nightwing. His voice is cheerful, but Jason can feel the stress beneath it. “Do I even want to know?” 

Wasn’t this supposed to just be typical Joker bullshit?

“Our parents are ectobiologists,” Jazz explains nonchalantly, walking further into the lab. “As in, ghost biologists.” She pauses at one of the work tables, picking up a green and white thermos. Pretty boring, considering the rest of their surroundings. 

“Ghosts.” Red Robin’s voice is carefully neutral. 

“Ghosts,” Jazz reaffirms. “I know. I thought they were crazy at first, too. But I can prove it, if you like.” Then, without waiting for a yes or no, she untwists the thermos, and there’s a bright flash of white, and a whole entire body sprouting out of it. 

“WHOO! I’M FREE!” cries the…being, pale and floating and lanky and entirely too big to have fit into a fucking thermos, of all the fucking things. “....And not in the Realms? Wait.” He stops stretching, descending to rest closer to the ground, but still hovering a few inches from the floor. He’s got green eyes and lifeless (ha) blond hair. He’s wearing a trenchcoat and a green skull necklace. Overall, he looks like the type of thug he’d arrest in the Bowery. 

“Hello, Johnny.” The man’s—ghost’s?—eyes flicker around each person in the room, his gaze becoming more and more confused and panicked as he takes in each Bat, before settling on Jazz Fenton. 

“Why are the fucking Bats here?” 

“The Joker’s coming to Amity,” she says. The ghost’s eyes widen. Jazz tilts her head, “How many ghosts would you say passed away in Gotham, Johnny?” 

As Jason and the Bats tense, this Johnny guy lets out a wicked laugh, “Oh, Doll, you have the best surprises. Why did we break up?” 

“You did try to have my body possessed. That ruins any good relationship.” 

“Man, but Kitty’ll love this. Thanks for letting me out of Soup Time, Doll.” He floats higher, “Any advice?” 

She throws him the phone she’d confiscated from Danny and he catches it easily, “Everything’s on here. Have fun.”

“What exactly are you planning?” Batman scowls. 

Johnny laughs, “Aww, don’t worry, Bats. Peace and love on Planet Earth, or whatever. We’ll make it quick.” Then, as the Bats leap into action as one, Johnny turns invisible, the Batarangs passing harmlessly through where he’d once been floating. 

“Where did he go?” Batman turns his scowl, angrier than ever, to Jazmin Fenton, who stares back unflinchingly. “He’s going to solve the problem.”

“You mean he’s going to kill The Joker.”

She shakes her head, “Oh, no. That’d just be asking for him to come back as a ghost. Could you imagine a Joker with powers like invisibility, intangibility, flight, and more? Johnny can be impulsive, but he’s smart. None of them will kill The Joker.” 

“Then what are they going to do?” Red Robin asks. 

“My parents are ectobiologists,” Jazz repeats from earlier. “But I am more of an anthro-ectopologist. I am concerned with the study of ectoplasmic beings’ societies and cultures. And while it is very ancient, there is protocol in the Infinite Realms—that is, where you go when you die, should you remain after death—to prosecute living criminals who have killed a certain number of Realms citizens. So you don’t have to worry about your moral code, Batman. The Joker will be tried by a much fairer court than Gotham can ever hope to have. No offense.” 

Jason stares at Jazz Fenton, who he’d pegged as the sane sibling. He’s not so sure now, but he can’t say he hates it.

“And how do we know it’s a fair trial?” Nightwing asks. 

She waves her hand, “Oh, as Gotham’s Knights, you’re key witnesses. I’m sure you’ll be summoned to testify. You will see then. And don’t worry about your secret identities—the dead don’t care much for that sort of thing.” 

“So if this is a ‘fair’ trial or whatever, The Joker’s going to be locked up forever?” Jason asks. “I mean, that’s the only option for shit like him.” 

Batman sends him a look, but he ignores it. 

“Well, there are several different punishments that could be deemed appropriate, but he’ll never be able to set foot in the mortal world again, yes.” 

Jason Todd grins, “Oh, I’m glad your brother’s stupid, kid.” 

She sighs, long-suffering, “Well, that makes one of us. Still, there’s more important things we should discuss now that you’re here.”

“More important than The Joker trying to kill your brother over a Twitter handle?” Red Robin asks doubtfully. 

Jazz smiles, sharp and dangerous, and asks, ”Have you ever heard of the Anti-Ecto Acts?” 

xxXxx

Several months later when Danny is finally un-grounded, he Tweets his last three Tweets before Twitter can become the foolishly named X: 

Imagine bullying the Joker so hard that it not only lands the Joker in ghost prison BUT it also leads to major law reform in the US lmao someone make the domino effect meme about this pls

Y’allre replying to me with thanks like i did anything other than be an internet troll. My sister literally manipulated local, federal, and interdimensional law so you should be thanking her. 

i just a babie 🥺🥺🥺

xxXxx

Thanks for reading! This is the whole fic, so pls do not ask for tags! Thank you :)

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dcxdp #dpxdc #danny phantom #danny fenton #jazz fenton #jason todd #batman #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #the joker #johnny 13 #severely ooc

[vampireghostlawyer]

thoughts.

could i survive a danganronpa? NO. i would betray everyone and die in fifth trial.

Could i survive your turn to die? YES. no reason neede.  suck sou silly

could i survive squid game? NO. my bones are made of metal

could i survive a saw trap? YES. as long as it’s not rigged.

could i survive in breaking bad? YES. saul goodman

could i survive in Walking Dead? Tv NO. zombie bites me in a walgreens.

could i survivein house MD? YES. i have boob s so house spares my life in the final round.

could i survive Death Note? YES. i know how to act like a normal teenage boy. and i would fuck misa and never kill L so i would live .

could i survive Fruitsbaskets? NO. that damn rat.

could I survive batman? NO. batman drops a flare on me 1000 times and i die.

could i survive minecraft? YES. but they put me in plains biome

could i survive in nosferatu 1922? YES. i know about world war 1 and

could i survive hotline mimi? YES. my mask is an anteater and i eat the ants

could i survive TF2? YES. im friends with sniper.

could i survive pokemon? NO. i dont know the pokemon an dthey can sense this like horses.

could i survive FNAF? NO. me and rotting guy have fun nad i get eaten

could i survive AP US History exam? YES. i gotta 4.

could i survive Dark Souls? YES. you have unlimited life in there.

could i survive Kitchen Nightmares? NO. gordon ramsey bakes me into a dish because i made him licorice pizza.

could i survive Diary of a Wimpy KId? YES. i bravely fight gregg in 1v1 combat and i win, using the civil war tactics his father taught me.

need i say more?

#clem.txt

[ohtobeleah]

I feel so bad for Iris but I want to see her kind of like? admit to Hangman she’s down bad.

I.R.I.S Masterlist

Warnings: Smut!! But a whole lot of tension! Jake Seresin x F!reader. Also: read this little concept from yesterday too.

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Oh. I like this. I like this a lot because maybe, just maybe we start to see Iris show some vulnerability. And maybe, just MAYBE, she shows Jake that she isn’t just in this for the sex after all. Perhaps there’s something a little deeper? 

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“Iris, get him off me!” P:E shouted through the comms as you steadied back. You weren’t showing much interest and Coyote could very much tell. He’d been briefed on the situation at hand, the one where you weren’t to be given points based on performance alone anymore. It had pretty much taken you out of the running, but no one beside Jake knew that you knew. 

“You look fine to me Lieutenant Baileys, I’m gonna swing around—“ 

“Are you fucking kidding me! He’s right on my tail!” It was true, Coyote was—you just didn’t give enough of a shit to help as you left P:E to be gunned down. “Fuck!” 

“That’s a kill—“ Coyote confirmed as the tone signal rang out through P:E’s cockpit. “Better luck next time kid.” Coyote smirked, he knew P:E was lacking in certain skills, his dogfighting skills were just one of the long long list—but Coyote also knew if you’d been there, perhaps P:E could’ve lived a little longer through the exercise. 

“Well if you hadn’t paired me with Iris I’d still be alive!” P:E groaned as he made his way back around to land. “You’d think you’d wanna be a little more of a team player there Iris.” 

“You’d be dead anyway dickhead, you suck ass.” You added, not in the mood to just take the slander Gregg Baileys threw at you. 

“Damn, does that attitude of yours come in mens?” P:E chuckled as you came up beside him, flipping him off. “I could use me some—“ 

“I think you cum in men enough for all of us P:E.” You ended the conversation there as you flew off to the left, coming in to land shortly after. Jake was waiting for you as you taxied down and eventually came to a halt. You tried your best to pretend he wasn’t there, but as you went to walk off he just followed. 

“That was idiotic behaviour Iris—“ Jake mumbled as he followed every step you took. “A blatant disregard for your fellow teammate doesn’t bode well in your favor.” 

“Thankyou for your feedback Lieutenant Commander Seresin I’ll be sure to log it away with everyone else’s opinions I didn’t ask for—“ Things were tense ever since the fight you’d had. You knew where you stood with Jake now. He didn’t want to fuck around with you, he didn’t want anything to do with you, he didn’t wanna get involved at the risk of his own career, he didn’t wanna get involved with Pete Mitchell’s daughter. You got it, you understood—but just because you understood didn’t mean it didn’t sting, especially knowing that every second you spend in the TopGun program was a waste of your time. You didn’t come here to be a part of the herd. You wanted the glory of being the best. “Get off my dick, you’re the one who didn’t want fuck all to do with me, so stop pretending you care and let me handle this the way I feel like I should.” 

“Lieutenant Mitchell!” Jake hissed and you halted your steps. “I don’t appreciate your attitude and I’m sure none of your colleagues do either.” Jake spat as you turned to face him, completely and utterly seething as you held your helmet under your arm and against your hip. “Coyote is yet to grade you, but I’m sure it will only reflect the performance you just gave.”

“Oh good then, at least I know I’d get the same shit grading regardless if I’d tried any harder or even better, not flown at all.” You replied. “Am I dismissed, Sir? I’ve got better things to be doing than standing here wasting my time defending my actions.” When Jake didn’t immediately answer, you turned on your heels, you’d decided his silence was as good as being dismissed. 

“No! No you’re not—“ Jake was pissed, he was pissed because although he said he didn’t want to continue whatever the fuck you guys were doing, he still cared enough about you to want to remain friends. You weren’t interested in that concept by the looks of things and fuck did that piss Jake right off. “See me in Admiral Simpson's office.” 

“Jake!” Your eyes grew wide with shock as you turned back around, closing a little of the gap you’d made as you took strides towards him. “Are you serious!?” 

“I'm serious, you don’t get to act this way, there’s a difference between being a brat in bed and being completely insubordinate to a superior officer.” Jake held his ground as you looked at him completely stunned. There was hurt evident in your eyes as you just remained silent and quiet and all things Jake knew you not to be. “Admiral's office, now.”

“How could you do this?” You asked softly, completely gutted that Jake would do this. Especially after everything that went down in your dads office. Was treating you like a career killer not enough for him? He just had to make sure you knew he had the power to end yours too? An eye for an eye? Was that it? 

“Easily.” Jake lied. He hated the way you looked at him with such anger, such hate. But he had to put you down a peg before you flew too close to the sun. “It’s my job, Lieutenant Mitchell.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

It’s later that night when all has been said and all has been done that Jake hears a knock on his door. He’s sure everyones at the Hard Deck, he’d been invited but after having dragged you into Admiral Simpson's office for disciplinary actions, he wasn’t feeling all that up to it. 

But when Jake opened his door to see you standing there? Looking all kinds of beautiful and angry? He was speechless. 

“Iris?” 

“Permission to speak freely sir?” You asked permission through gritted teeth as Jake crossed his arms over his chest and frowned, why the fuck were you on his doorstep. 

“Yeah, I guess?” It didn’t take you more than three seconds to smash your fist against Jake's cheek. Rattling his brain as he stumbled back into his own home groaning from the sudden connection. “Oh my god! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!” Jake shouted as he doubled over, pain radiated through his jaw as you stepped inside, shaking your fist. 

“YOU!” You replied harshly. “You got me a goddamn write up!” You couldn’t help but to hiss venom Jake's way, shoving at his shoulders as he stood up. “You couldn’t let it go? You couldn’t let me be angry and upset that nothing I ever do is good enough or will be good enough because of who my damn dad is!” You shouted, clearly distraught, Jake just stood there and took the brunt of your anger. “I’m not good enough for the Navy, I’m not good enough for TopGun, I’m not good enough at anything and most importantly—“ You paused, took a deep breath as you tried to swing another hook Jakes way. He caught your fist though, mid swing and just held it in the air. Eyeing you off with gritted teeth and angry eyes. “I’m not good enough for you!” 

“What are you talking about?” Jake asked as he frowned with confusion laced in his tone. “Iris? The fuck are you even talking about right now?” 

“I’m the one who can’t look at myself in the mirror because I’m obsessed with someone I’ll never have.” Your voice dropped from something of anger to something of sadness as Jake lowered your fist. “I caught feelings and it’s my own fault and we should never have started this Jake because I can’t stop thinking about you—“ Jake smiled for a brief moment, damn. He’d fallen for the one person that was so unattainable it wasn’t funny. Pete Mitchell’s daughter. And you’d fallen for Jake Seresin, your stupid TopGun instructor. “I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s driving me crazy because I said this wasn’t personal, it was just something sexy and secretive and a fucking fling but I—“ Jake cut you off when he stepped closer and pressed his lips against yours, ducking down to scoop you up and wrap your legs around his waist. You moved in tandem with him, allowing him to pick you up with ease as you complied. 

“You drive me insane you know that?” Jake growled as he pressed you up against the nearest wall he could find. “You’re reckless and irresponsible and naive and have an attitude problem that is far beyond anything I’ve ever seen.” Jake listed off all the things he hated to love about you as he ducked his head to suck at the pulse point on your supple neck. “But If I ever see you flunk out in a training session on purpose again I’ll discipline you myself because you need to show these guys just who they’re fucking with.” 

“How would you discipline me?” You challenged Jake, you didn’t wanna talk about what was going on. You wanted a distraction. “Jake? How would you discipline me?” Jake pushed off the wall he’d had you pressed against as he kissed you again, his time more passionately and with more tongue. 

“I’d keep you on the edge, I’d fuck you dumb just how I know you like it but I’ve never let you cum, I’d keep you begging and whining and babbling my name and by the time I’d be finished with you? it’ll be the only thing you’d remember, my name.” Jake teased as he padded down the hall to his room, he was hard as rock by the time he got you in his bed, splayed out and naked just for him. 

The stupid H_ngm_n white graphic T he’d been wearing now long forgotten, same with your plain white one. Nearly identical if not for the black stitching. 

Watching on with lustful eyes as you played with yourself, dancing your delicate fingers across your sensitive bundle of nerves as Jake pumped his fist up and down his cock, spreading the pre cum his tip had oozed. “Fuck—you look so fucking hot.” 

“When Cyclone was screaming at me for being insubordinate all I could think about was fucking you on his desk.” You admitted as Jake came down slowly to kneel on his bed, his eyes never leaving the way you played with yourself. “Or fucking myself on his desk while you watch, either way I got fucked in my fantasy.” 

“Your about to get fucked in reality too.” Jake smirked as he came down to suck harshly at your nipples, swirling his tongue over your hardened buds as you arched your back into his chest. 

“Fuck—“ Your moans echoed off the walls of Jakes bedroom. “Jake!” 

“Ready for me?” 

“Shut up and fuck me already—“ So with that, Jake did. He fucked you hard into his mattress, moaning and groaning in your ear as he did so. 

“Augh—fuck Iris yes!” It felt amazing, Jake set a pace that mimicked that of perfection as he drove himself inside you, flicking his hip back with force every time just to hit the right stop that sent stars flying over your head. “Fuck I love fucking your perfect pussy baby.” 

“Harder!” You begged and Jake obliged. He wrapped your legs around his waist as he pulled back, grabbed your hips and fucked deep into you. Watching with lustful eyes as your tits bounced and your screams echoed. “Yes! Oohhhh fuck yes!! Yes Jake! Feels so fucking good.” 

Nothing felt better than when Jake had flipped you over though. There was just something about the angel he could get, how deep he could drive himself from behind as he gripped your ass in his hands to move you up and down his length. Watching as you curve your spine to rest your cheek down on the mattress and keep your ass high. All for him.

“Oh god oh god oh god oh god—“ It was like a mantra of whimpers escaping from Jake’s mouth as he used your cunt to get himself off. “Ohhh fucking christ send me to hell.” The devil truly had a hand on his shoulder. “Fuck you’re perfect Y/n, so fucking perfect.” Jake's compliment made you forget how to breathe, it was like nothing you’d felt before. 

“So close!” You cried out, reaching up to pay attention to your aching bundle of nerves that needed to feel its release, it’s high. “I need to come Jake please make me cum baby—feels so fucking good!” 

It was at that moment Jake paused his pace, pulled out of you which left you aching for more, only to lay down on his back and led you up to straddle his waist. Sinking you down, slowly and ever so carefully. 

“You wanna cum? Make yourself cum Iris, use me.” Which you did. You used Jake Seresin to get yourself off as you rode him senseless.

“Oh my god yes yes yes, feels so fucking good!” You moaned as your hands pressed into Jake's chest as you slicked his cock up and down with your velvet walls. “Fuck Jake I’m gonna cum!” 

“Look at me when you cum Iris.” Jake begged as he dug his nails into your hips, holding on for dear life as he felt his own high approaching. “I’m gonna cum in the pretty and tight pussy of yours—“ Your reply sent Jake into the stratosphere, it had him coming in milliseconds as you followed him seconds after. 

“Flood me daddy—“ 

“Oh fuck, yes Iris, fuck fuck FUCK--!” 

“Ohhh I’m cumming I’m cumming I’m cumming I’m cumming ahhhh—!” It was euphoric as you came down from your highs together, lying in a sweaty mess in the middle of Jake's bed. Lying in the aftermath of bad decisions and false hope. 

“Stay with me? Just for a little while?” Jake asked softly as he kissed your temple and pulled you close. “We can pretend that whatever this is could actually be normal for a little while, that you’re just some girl I met at some bar and I’m just some guy who gets to love you without consequence.” You didn’t immediately respond, but eventually? You agreed. 

“I’ll stay for a little while.” You replied, your eyelids grew heavier with every second Jake laid drawing unidentifiable objects into your naked back with his fingers. Loving that you fell asleep on his chest, listening to the way you made his heart beat faster. “I’d stay with you forever if it were possible—“ 

You left later that same night, slipped into your jeans and threw your shirt back on all the while Jake slept. You left your bra as a gift, sent Jake a text to say you were all good, just needed your own bed—and slipped out the same way you came in. 

***~***~***~***~***~

Pete Mitchell had been expecting you for the better half of half an hour by the time he decided enough was enough and marched into your room. Scared of what he might find when he crossed the threshold—he closed his eyes and announced his presence as he knocked.

“It’s me.” Mav was met with silence, he looked around expecting you to be half decent getting ready for work, except you were still very much sleeping in the middle of your warm fluffy bed covers. “Iris you're gonna be late, what are you still doing in bed? It's seven forty five!” 

“I’m not going—“ Was all you mumbled into your pillow as Pete pulled the blanket from off of you. Thank god you were at least wearing underwear. 

“What do you mean you aren’t going in?” Pete asked with frowned eyebrows. “Of course you’re going in—“ He followed up as he looked at your alarm. Seven forty six. 

“It means, I quit the program dad—I’m not going back.” You hadn’t bothered to mention it to Jake last night but after he’d been excused from Cyclones office you’d pretty much told Beau Simpson he could fuck himself. 

“What? Why would you do that?” Again, your dad pressed you further for information. You hated that he never did tell you what had happened with some of your classmates. The entire system was rigged against you and he wasn’t gonna say a damn thing about it. 

“You know why—“ Before you could even start your counter attack, Mav dropped his gaze. Watching as you rolled over with a groan. 

“Hang on a minute—“ Pete paused his interrogation as you rolled over on your back, exposing the clear as day Hangman graphic strewn across the white T-short. H_ngm_n. With a little stick guy next to it. It had been a gift from Phoenix at a Christmas party a year or two ago. Pete remembers the night fondly until he comes back to the moment and the conclusion that his daughter shouldn’t be wearing Jake Seresins Hangman T-shirt. “Is that? Is that Hangman's shirt?” 

“Huh?” You looked down at your chest.

Holy Crap. You picked up Jake's shirt by mistake in the darkness of his room. 

“Oh, uh—“ 

“Iris? What are you doing sleeping in Hangman's shirt.” Oh god that picture he saw, no it couldn’t be. But that mirror looked awfully similar now that he thought back to it. Similar to the one in your room. “IRIS!” 

“Dad, it’s not what it looks like.”

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#iris // jake seresin #jake seresin fic #jake seresin fanfiction #jake hangman imagine #jake hangman x y/n #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x f!reader #jake seresin smut #jake seresin imagine #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin x y/n #jake hangman seresin #hangman top gun #hangman imagine #hangman smut #jake hangman x reader

[annieversary3]

some people get nice drawings of their pfps as fanart, i get sent a fucking photoshop edit of mine wearing greggs merch. what have i done to deserve this

(made by the lovely @fae0jr :3)

[uniteds]

part 2 of stuff that happened in the 2022/2023 football season that should send us into a coma but we’re too desensitized:

for part one go here.

1. the bayern board deciding to sack nagelsmann before the most important game of their season because he showed up to work on a skateboard

2. related: nagelsmann finding out he was sacked through social media while he was away on a ski trip

3. also related: nagelsmann getting dumped the same weekend he lost his job. 

4. todd boehly getting advice on what to do with chelsea from james corden (known west ham fan) and hiring frank lampard

5. tuchel and conte fight

6. the ghana coach taking a selfie with heung min son while son is sobbing after losing in the World Cup

7. the five minutes where both spain and germany were out of the World Cup

8. mourinho being in (and being sampled in!) stormzy’s music video

9. psg’s director of football going down to the field to curse them out

10. aguero turning up to the world cup celebrations in a full kit 

11. the pope summoning atletico madrid’s physio all the way to the vatican to treat him

12. arsenal bottling the title (2023 version)

13. rebekah vardy tried to trademark the phrase wagatha christie

14. luis enrique saying ferran torres will never play football again if he did the pacifier celebration after scoring

15. jose saying the only club he doesn’t have any feelings for is tottenham hotspur

16. mason mount having a stalker

17. jack grealish discovered what a camel is

18. the saudi team getting new cars during the World Cup

19. cho gue sung telling ronaldo to fuck off and then getting flooded with marriage proposals 

20. the princess of spain having a crush on gavi

21. luton town promoted so now you have to walk through some guy’s garden to get to their stadium

22. the gio reyna and gregg berhalter usmnt saga

23. the pogba/mbappe witch doctor saga

24. ac milan sacked maldini and now the players all wanna leave

25. conte’s press conference where he basically said “it’s the history of the tottenham” 

26. barcelona winning the league at espanyol and then the espanyol fans chasing the barca players off the pitch

27. the one pitch invader who pushed eddie howe

28. ac milan having to answer to their ultras after a match

29. calum wilson and antonio laughing at richarlison for flopping

30. klopp doing his hamstring and adding to liverpool’s injury problems

#tp #manchester united #fc barcelona #bayern munich #sorry i just wanted to get part 2 out