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#genuinely do not understand this person. gender locked races suck and are bad please go drink some water and get better opinions
lemoncakedesign · 3 years
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saw someone complaining about literally every new announcement from fanfest and like genuinely bro why are you still paying money for this game. like i’m not defending square (god knows they Get Up to Some Shit) but why spend money and time on a game you seem to hate
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genesischi · 7 years
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Why Does The World Hate Autism - a response to three news stories from 17th Feb 2017
Soo... when this news first came out a week ago I was too angry and distressed to write much about it.
I wrote a short explanatory rant on over this study on Facebook (partly to reeducate my family since a while ago my cousin Went Blue For Autism and I had to explain why not to do that)
*Okay, I am horrified "a debilitating disorder" is a fearmongering phrase that isn't, or at least, doesn't have to be remotely true. AND THIS STUDY IS SUPPORTED BY AUTISM SPEAKS - DO NOT LET THEM GET AWAY WITH THIS SH*T!!!!
(For those who don't know, Autism Speaks is the hate organisation that parades as a charity, it seeks to "cure" autism through such methods as forcible drinking of bleach, please never give money to the blue puzzle piece who would rather kill autistic people because we're oh-so-hard to understand, a truly unsolvable puzzle! {hence their logo} which isn't remotely true, yet again)
Rant over.
So, now I've had the chance to calm down a little and not cry when I look at the things that I learned about all on the same day.
Okay, as an autistic person I get it, I've seen the way anti-vaccers and various other haters fear their kids being autistic. I've seen those videos of children being forced to drink bleach cos it will “cure” them.
I've reached the point of numbness about it.
So if a study calls my way of thinking “debilitating”, and says that it can now be identified before birth, fine, I know what this means. Call up the pro-choice brigade cos abortion rates are gonna skyrocket.
Now, I'm an avid pro-choicer, I think the right to decide what happens to you based on your own emotions/principles/circumstance/etc rather than preset laws is one of the most important human rights there is. But it's going to be a load of uneducated and fearful people deliberately killing off autism.
Part of me is okay with this, autism can suck, and the way society views it is horrible, so in a way I'm happy with the fact that less people will have to suffer. But the part that screams “they're targeting us” is naturally horrified, because the other way of thinking about it is that people are so afraid of something they don't understand that they're ready to kill it before it even exists.
Trump claims autism is on the rise and blames various things that makes no sense as usual. I'm too tired to care anymore. I left a protest early on Monday because I was bored of the walking around and rallies, the weather was awful and I just really didn't want to be there. But if he's gonna start targeting autistic people, this is gonna get bad fast. Because other groups he's targeting can fight back.
Autism is a spectrum as we all hopefully know, and not everyone on it will be able to defend themselves from whatever the future may hold. I am extremely privileged to be what is still sometimes diagnosed as “high-functioning” though the functioning labels have been decided outdated and ableist as fuck, I know that I am capable of many things that others aren't in terms of what I can do for myself day-to-day. Hell, even the well known issues of social communication are something I'm much better at then most, as much as I complain about it.
But yeah, back to my point. If autism gets the blame for something from the esteemed POTUS, it's gonna get nasty. Not that it already isn't, what with the other thing I saw on the same day that distressed me so much – a sixteen year old was beaten to the ground and her attacker only let up at the comment “I think she's dead.” We all know the cliché of a mother's love that our mum would know us regardless what happened. Her own mother didn't recognise her, and I get why.
I wouldn't want to recognise that it could be anyone I love that that had happened too either.
If I had written this a week ago it would have been angry and deeply emotional. As it is now I can read it myself as being tired and defeated. I don't want to be pessimistic, fatalist or even realist about this, I know that I catastrophise and it's something I'm working on. But in this situation I genuinely don't know what to do. I don't see any way of this getting better
Probably a better vent for my emotion at the time was a parody poem I wrote of Brave New Voices poet Ash's “An Open Letter To Cis People” 
It's still a work in progress but it's an important part of this tired response to hate I suppose:
An Open Letter To Allistics
Neurotypicals and Divergents!
Someone once mentioned a door
A door opening out, extroversion
A door opening in, introversion
A door that open both ways, indecision
Anxiety? It's a revolving door
Door locked and no-one has the key, depression
Suicidal? That door is really a bottomless pit
Autism: Noun, a mental condition from early childhood, renowned for its affect on social interaction
Social interaction: Noun, communication between two or more people, identified by written, spoken, or body language used to convey a message
Social interaction is the task of deciphering all the muscles of the human body's possible symbolism all whilst having to translate someone speaking in your third language
Language: A body of words and systems aiding humans in understanding one another
Understanding: Simply, something you don't try to do.
To you our struggle is a nuisance you don't try to aid, you have no consideration for how hard it is to paint a picture when the subject keeps moving
And you wonder why I cry when you ask questions too quickly that I just say “I don't know” - because maybe I would if you gave me time to figure out what the fuck it is you wanted!
Well I have some news for you allistics,
You aren't the only people who exist!
I know, you just had a heart palpitation, you're fluttering around like you always tell me not to do
But now that you're perfectly still and orderly again you must be wondering how this is possible
Fear not allistics
I'll be your Allying Aspie,
Your Doting Divergent
Your Advocate with Anxiety
Your Depressed Declaimer
Your Stimming Spokesperson
And your Wriggling Representative!
So hear me allistics all
I, your messenger of ACD shall guide you through our troublesome talks
The world isn't black and white and it never was
It was always a rainbow of hues
Give yourself a spectrum like Dulux
A colour chart to include everyone
Regardless of: Gender, race, ability, physicality, weight, beauty, ethnicity, background, nationality, class, mental health, physical health, education, verbal skills, stimming propensity, special interests, hobbies, “productivity in society”, and how many friends you have!
But on that colour chart one shade should be missing
A dark shade of Navy called Puzzle Piece Blue,
Autism Speaks is a network of hate aiming to destroy us
They seek to find us at birth and neutralise
And when they find us grown up it's cures and bleach and drugs
Vaccine's don't cause autism!
And they won't cure it either.
You can't cure a mindset as if by magic
You can only teach and train it
Let us learn away our ignorance
Like anyone else with a prejudice it can be remedied with education
Though for us our ignorance stems not from our own hate but yours
You don't teach us to speak or act like you, just yell until we do
But how can I get back on the horse if you've not taught me how to hold the reins?
Allistics, think of our brains as computers, we're electricity and coding and we're amazing at what we do
You are PC but we are all Macs
We have a specific and finite purpose,
Not for the faint heart or for general use
But those who want us adore us
Treat us with the care we deserve
Adapt to our programming
Instead of changing our core to fit theirs
We all know that without fences and walls we wouldn't need Gates and Windows
But where would we Macs be if it weren't always raining?
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fumi-gogo · 6 years
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.. out of my fucking mind again
26 Nov 17 I wrote this like a suicide note but I’m not going to kill myself, just trying to really get everything out of my system I know this is incredibly selfish of me, but I probably deserve to do one thing for myself. I hope after this, you will be able to live a little comfortably and have the types of holidays you’ve always wanted Joyce. I know Ive never been one to celebrate anything so I’m sorry Ive wasted your time for the past 4 years. I was really happy with you and I thought we would grow old together, Im sorry I didn’t see how much I was pushing you away and making you despise me. I was so hurt when you came home from tech school, when I was crying and I would look in your eye, they were so empty and I just saw frustration and disgust for me. Im sorry I have to inconvenience everyone again one more time but hopefully this will be the last time unless I fuck this up like everything else in my life. I hate the way I see myself in the mirror, Im so gross and I hate the way people talk to me as If I am a man. Its gross and I hate when people are seeking some weird validation from me about their masculine tendencies or habits. Being transgender has already destroyed my relationship with the person I’ve loved for a long time and I don’t know if I could survive it tearing another person I love away from me. Ive tried to be ok with the direction our relationship has gone but it hurts. It might have been so much easier to just keep everything to myself and just be happy with what life gave me. It hurts every day and theres nothing I can do to fix that and it sucks and I hate myself for the way I feel. Her laugh was always my favorite, ,the last time I remember making her laugh and happy was when I teased her about how she recited her phone number over the phone. That was the laugh I would think about when I would cry myself to sleep missing her. We never really had anything in common though, I don’t know why I was so in love. The way things ended made me realize what it felt like to really not be cared about, despite everything I was struggling with and trying to fix about myself. I started talking to Debs because she talked about a lot of things I had interests in and wanted to talk about that I’ve never been able to talk about before. She always had the best recommendations for books and movies and I enjoyed everything she ever recommended. We are both very broken people but I wish I could have been there for her more, she deserves better than she has to deal with now. I hope she is truly happy someday. If you can Joyce, please try to give some of my sgli to her, I want to be able to do something more for her. I wanted to be creative and I wanted to be an artist, I never put in the work or time I needed to though I just failed and I had to drop out of school to join the Air Force. It was exciting at the beginning, but then I hated myself more and more and I was always tired and I hated waking up to put on the same uniform every day. Then somehow we got this clown on a president who doesn’t really give two shits about anyone other than himself and I really just lost all motivation, what is the point of anything when someone who will run the country into the ground somehow gets voted into office. I feel like I’m a smart person and that I understand people and I get along with them very well. People gossip to me all the time and tell me things for reasons I don’t know, maybe somehow they know I won’t tell anyone else, maybe I just give off that friendly of a vibe. I get it though, I empathize with people very strongly, when I hear other people criticize something, I get confused how they can’t see it from another point of view. Im just rambling, Im afraid I will miss saying something important while I have the chance. Im going to miss a lot of people but I’ve had people enter and leave all my life and I don’t really have any long time friends anyways so whatever I guess. Im sorry that I pushed myself back into your life again debs just to leave so suddenly like this, I should have just kept to myself. I was forced to go to church almost all of my life but I can never really remember have any interest in it at all, but won’t it be interesting to see what the other side is actually like I don’t really see a future for me here, anywhere. I’ve always been bad with money, I’m impulsive with it, I just buy what I want and Joyce had gotten any about it with me but I besides the initial guilt I don’t really feel anything. If I stop now while I’m not in too big of a hole, I won’t be a burden to anyone else for much longer and I can still do some good for the people I love. I won’t be any use to anyone in the future when I’m completely dysfunctional. I wish I could have traveled, seen places outside of the US. Japan, Korea, London, Brazil, etc… 7 billion plus people in the world and I never got to see a fraction of it To my family also, I love you all, I really do. Im sorry I didnt talk to you more, I was always scared of what I might say and how you might respond, I have always hidden most of who I am and kept secrets just to fit in and to get the things that I thought would make me happy. Gender sucks and I don’t know anything about funerals but please at least they to keep It gender neutral and don’t invite too many people, I never talked to anyone so it feels like most people who would even show up would just feel in-genuine. Being referred to as a guy has made me feel uncomfortable for a long time so I always hoped no-one noticed when I said they/their whenever I was talking about myself in the third person. Referred to as a she would be nice too but whatever. Please take care of yourself Joyce and please just find happiness with someone who could provide you with what I couldn’t, you deserve the absolute best. Im really sorry Debs, I made you uncomfortable by getting too attached to you too fast, at first I was probably just trying to fill a void in my heart but after a few weeks, i would go through the day looking forward to talking to you about your ideas and your passions, I loved how you were chasing dreams and I wanted to be there for you to cheer you on. I know you deal with a lot of your own problems but it was more important to me to help you through those that dump all my bs onto you. I wish I could have done more for you, I hope you live a long and happy life and you get to fulfill your dreams and your goals. Your voice messages always made my heart race, your voice was so cool and attractive and your selfies in your button ups made you look so badass, you are amazing. Also, no-one looks better and more awesome in a leather jacket than you ------ Im not going to kill myself Im not that selfish. It is a very curious thing though. I wondered how writing a suicide note would make me feel and I feel ok I guess. Its not ok for me to be this selfish, I have always been selfish, doing things for myself and to get things for myself. Theres things I still forgot to write though. I never knew what it was like to be angry until I felt like I knew what it was like to be cheating on. If I try to think about everything from an outside perspective, I wasn’t the only one being selfish. I don’t think I deserve to be treated the way I was, We were married and we were partners, we owe each other more than a stupid text message to end our marriage. And to hide things like going on dates behind my back while I’m in this kind of depressive and anxious state. What the fuck. But it did make it clear to me how you felt and it made it easy to accept that you don’t give a good god damn about me despite what you try to tell me. Seeing the kind of guy you're with now made it clear what type of guy was your type, and it was very clear that me as a guy was not your type, what the fuck were we even doing together Suicide is a very scary thing and for some reason you’re not allowed to admit you’ve had thoughts about it or else you get locked up and whatever, all I did was cut myself before and I was in a mental ward for 3 days. I drank and take a ton of ambient to sleep the day away, I always feel better after venting and sleeping. 
  I guess this is how I start year 26… Im going to be the person I was always supposed to be and I am going to be happy someday, and hopefully I’ll be able to share my life with someone who will actually love me
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