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nancythedrew · 2 years

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Employers in ND Games Rated By Likelihood of an OSHA Violation

On a scale of 1-10, a 10 meaning holy shit OSHA needs to intervene ASAP and a 1 meaning I would generally be fine working here. Also I just took Employment Law so I’m gonna be that nitpicky person that recognizes that only employees, not independent contractors, are subject to OSHA regulations.

SCK1: The pliers being used to fix a gas leak later swapped with a ladle is not a great solution, but what’s more concerning is what kind of godforsaken gas is coursing through the veins of that kitchen that if he doesn’t have something supporting it for 3 seconds the ENTIRE building is engulfed in flames? Are they cooking on a stove using methane gas? 9/10

SCK-Remastered: Organizing all those unrelated books is probably a pain in the ass for Aunt Eloise but not a safety risk. Getting pistol whipped by your “boss” who isn’t even an actual cop probably sucks but Nancy was functioning more as an independent contractor. I don’t remember what happens in the boiler room exactly, but I don’t think the chains on it were by design, and there was definitely a way to cool that place off if needed, so no -major- hazard. 4/10

STFD: The ability to lock that soundstage so that not even security or the fire department can get in is a lawsuit waiting to happen. The threats and stuff that Rick get probably don’t matter because he’s an independent contractor (although -maybe- an employee if he’s getting contracted season after season??), but the security overall is sus given how easily Owen Spayder snuck in. Imagine if they had some kind of sexual harassment complaint and the offender is just showing up to work under a fake identity. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dwayne was doing that already as Owen. 8/10

MHM: Everyone’s probably an independent contractor so honestly OSHA probably wouldn’t even care about that questionable chandelier. The biggest hazard in the place is asking people about gum bo fu but that seems more of an interpersonal than work environment problem. 1/10

TRT: The spinning 3-step-bridge that those chains to get into the tower activate seems like a disaster. I don’t even know where that pit goes. To the laundry facility? Also the obvious steps sliding that gets Lisa at the end. But if you keep all but the most trained employees out of the tower area and elevator shaft the rest of the place is just a hotel. 3/10

FIN: The rickety lights aren’t great, but the place was gonna get torn down anyway. The wardrobes that lead to each other seems like a sexual harassment claim waiting to happen, the literal actual guillotine could cause some problems, and what the fuck was that cooler that Maya is in at the end? Nothing major that couldn’t be fixed, but as is I’d like some investigation. 5/10

SSH: Hahahah that fucking rock solid structure with stairs with no hand railings and then you walk outside and there’s still no railings even on the BRIDGE over WATER and then it makes you walk around in the dark?? Who is the poor employee who has to restock those glowsticks when they run out? Or someone drips a lil bit of water out of their water bottle onto the stairs? When they make the staff schedule for this place they better factor in the regular trips to Nurse Bluefoot’s because everyone’s gonna be getting head injuries. 9/10

DOG: We still don’t fucking know what Ranger Akers really does for work, Emily seems to run her own basic retail business, idk how Red Knott is funding his escapades. I’m gonna hope that Mickey Malone had his employees enter through the non-graveyard route that wasn’t pitch black, but I’m also really loving the idea of a speakeasy employee snitching on OSHA because they’re not getting enough bathroom breaks or something. (OSHA wasn’t formed until the 70s) 1/10

CAR: After working at a theme park this game is extra funny but like the very concept that these pieces of actual heavy machinery could just be activated at inopportune moments by a single user? Even non-malicious employees could end up fucking murdering each other because there’s no secondary accountability to these machines. Shut this place down and redesign every ride holy shit. 9/10

DDI: I doubt OSHA would figure out how to get into the tunnels from the Hot Kettle. I don’t even know who’s really in charge of the lighthouse but I think as long as they got decent training it’s not an issue. Katie’s boat and Whale World are probably fine unless Katie sends employees down to slip on the thawing fish water. 1/10

SHA: I think….all is fine? The fucked up chicken has a clear warning, the horses are taken care of by someone who’s definitely competent, Shorty’s food is probably ass but I don’t think it’s like a medical hazard. I don’t know what the fuck Mary uses to polish agates but I assume she wears proper eye wear. 0/10

CUR: The only person working a job here is Ethel, who is probably independently contracted, but I don’t think she has anything to bitch about except Nancy going down a slide and walking out of a door. 0/10

CLK: Tubby Telegrams was like the original Postmates (so, independent contractor). The tetanus nail “tip” Nancy gets isn’t great but not worth looking into. Jim Archer’s bank is vanilla as hell. We don’t get to see any of the Lilac Inn’s dining area or kitchen. What we know about the kitchen is that it fully burns down if someone leaves the stove on, but it was the 30s so was anything really safe? 0/10

TRN: Let’s maybe assume John Grey is actually an “employee” and he’s there to find ghosts for his TV show. If so, he gets a sweet ass ENTIRE CAR to himself. The engineer has nothing to complain about. I think Fatima, the mortician at the crypt who jizzes himself over Camille’s, and any and all employees at the Copper Fork seem to be working in similar conditions to your standard fast food place. 0/10

DAN: Within 3 seconds of walking into her new job, Nancy gets a plant pot thrown at her head and is expected to act like it’s no big deal. She has to pick up cockroaches which is nasty but not a health risk (I think?). Getting kicked in the titty by your boss probably violates some rights, as is the questionable reimbursement policy regarding items haggled for at Pont Neuf. 6/10

CRE: Contrary to popular sentiment, Big Island Mike’s Immersion Excursion is not a sweat shop, but is in fact a vacation experience for the whole family (just like a sweat shop). No one knows what the hell is happening at the HilliHilli but those protective suits seem like they’re probably keeping people safe, though there’s always the lingering possibility of the Hilli HIlli Homeboy himself losing his shit on you. Dr. Kim just has you pick up bug poop which is fair given you’re working with a bug doctor. I wish there was some place at her camp to wash your hands, but we can’t have everything, can we. 4/10

ICE: The strangely unsupervised and unquestioned use of firearms by Ollie is conce

(that’s all I had written for ICE in the Google Doc I found. I’m laughing because honestly I think it sums it up pretty well so I’m just gonna leave it. I don’t know why that was the only one left incomplete)

CRY: There’s pretty much no employees in this game, since Renee is independently contracted and everyone else seems to be their own boss. Even if Lamont has a couple of employees that place doesn’t seem like it screams safety hazard, even though the sink is kinda gross. 0/10

HAU: Also no employees but maybe Donal has some sort of agreement where he sells his soul to be able to wank off around the Good People on a weekly basis. Giant chunks missing from a building aren’t great, but that sheep shearer seems to have some pretty good guards and safeties on it. The bar is just a bar. 4/10

RAN: Yet again no real employees. Maybe the monkeys work for each other? I would say their conditions are safe for monkeys, but I don’t know how they get up to the top of that cliff and communicate to those at the top to stop chucking rocks for a second for the next shift to climb up and swap out. 2/10

WAC: Paige seems to have a pretty sweet set up even though her hours are wonky and she has to be wandering around the building at godforsaken hours to catch other people wandering around the building at godforsaken hours. It’s not great that the training for the snack shop it’s just a three-ring binder but it also isn’t like there’s crazy tools involved. 2/10

TOT: The volume of electronic equipment Nancy is asked to fix with no prior training is pretty dangerous, especially when she’s asked to fix an actual literal electrical socket. We know Scott was sending people out into storms they weren’t supposed to be in so I’d say even in the storm chasing industry this team was not following generally accepting procedures. 8/10

SAW: Given that someone literally died by slipping and falling accidentally (allegedly) while cleaning the baths I’d say there’s definitely some unsafe protocols at the Ryokan. Some more railings around the garden would probably be ideal, as would maybe at least a sign by that fire in the middle of the lobby. 7/10

CAP: I don’t know how to classify the tunnels and the forest because I think Nancy is warned to not go into them whatsoever and just disregards that guidance, so I’m not sure the castle as an employer is responsible. The only person really put at risk is Lukas and he’s not an employee so OSHA wouldn’t give a fuck. 3/10

ASH: Again, a lot of people who are their own employers. Also just like a not super dangerous game in general? It’s just a town and there was an arson but that doesn’t have to do with the working conditions, but everything else seems to be up to par for the 21st century. 0/10

TMB: Idk why the fuck the scaffolding collapsed but maybe we should investigate that. Also random cobras? And sand storms? And Egyptian death traps? Fortunately this game takes place outside of the US so OSHA doesn’t have to worry about this(yes I’m being arbitrary with which games I don’t care about because of their non-US location), plus I assume most were independently contracted anyway. ???/10

DED: I mean Nancy wasn’t supposed to go into the lab and start sticking her hands in all those chemicals. Like all things considered it seems like the people authorized to access the dangerous things generally have adequate training to do so. Yeah, a dude got murdered using that equipment, but maybe if they just included a safety or required turning on the coil to be a two person job that could’ve been prevented. 2/10

GTH: The Thornton business really did have its own Triangle Fire so that’s basically the gold standard for “holy shit we need government oversight here.” I don’t really know where the employees are supposed to have been working but since everyone seems to have seen spooky things on the island I’ll assume everyone was within reach of the carbon monoxide, which is an obvious hazard. 10/10

SPY: To the degree that Nancy did work for a terrorist organization she was independently contracted, as probably everyone else was. I don’t really know how OSHA works in terms of national security related government jobs where the idea is you know you might die. But given that this whole game was about a “non lethal” threat I guess it isn’t -that- bad. But getting crushed by the trash thing was probably not ideal. 4/10

MED: I have no idea what the employment situation is where ONE GUY can just “take over” the ENTIRE crew and the entire show??? If this wasn’t a children’s PC game this would be some Morning Show kind of story about how Sonny abused that power. But it’s not. And this game makes no sense. But, I would send OSHA in to figure out what the fuck the plot of this game was. 10/10

LIE: Literally has a set with actual lava and actual handcuffs and actual puzzles you have to solve to get off of the set??? 100/10 call the police too

SEA: Really not sure who’s all working for who here (like I think we’re working for Dagny AND Magnus technically since they’re in a partnership and Dagny hired us) but I can’t remember anything much more dangerous than general sea-faring hazards and if we were Nancy we probably would’ve had adequate education or training to take care of ourselves. 3/10

MID: I don’t know why a passageway in the cemetery leads to the courthouse bathroom, but that aside most things seem to meet similar standards to ASH. The ergot poisoning is weird but doesn’t seem to be tied to a specific employer. 1/10

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