I don't think that either of our mothers GOD's loved us as they did them.
(Do my kisses taste of sin to you
Does guilt autograph my memory
Am I already a regret?)
Do you reach for my hand only to for the bloodied remnants of divinity
Buried beneath my fingernails
from when I held the Eucharist too tightly in my small hands,
And scraped away the gold plating,
And splintered the plastic underneath
I AM NOT HOLY
By your standards or mine
But my faith does not leave me empty
You cannot fill me with your excess
There is coal in my throat and ash in my gut
Left behind from the famine endured at the feet of the crucifixes in my closet
Neither of our GODs love us!!!!
Would they create us with limbs meant to be eaten and ripped from our frame, regrowing each time like hydras stuck in a canning factory if they did?
What GOD would condemn us for the love that THEY put there
What GOD that does so is worthy of worship?
Let alone beleif?
I AM UNHOLY
This will not change
Our sin will not fade with time
I do not know if I can bear to be the exception
On which you stake your faith
I am what you love
I am what condemn
This LOVE is what you CONDEMN
How long before you condemn yourself too?
How long before you hate this part of yourself for tearing you away from your GOD?
How long before you hate your GOD for imprisoning parts of you?
How long until you hate me for enabling your sin?
How long until you hate our GODs for labeling us as such?
How long until you hate yourself for being this sin?
How long until I am but a guilty memory of childish exploration?
How long until your nails are bloody with your own gold plating?
How long until your kisses too, taste of grieving coal and ash
I don't want to leave your hands bloody
With YOUR blood or MINE
If you hate yourself for this, how can I forgive MYSELF
For breaking your security
If you hate your GOD for me, how can I forgive MYSELF
For ripping away your comfort
If you hate me for this-
How long until I forgive
Your GOD and YOU
For labeling my love as Poison
For believing that it is
I don't think that either of our mothers GOD's loved us as they did them.
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sometimes i watch an old piece of gay media from the 80s/90s/ even the early 2000s before gay people were seen as a profitable audience and they always have like... rawer and more interesting portrayals of gay people and gay sexuality than any mainstream modern media
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Holding a sub's chin tight in my hand, seeing their desperate desire in their eyes, mouth salivating, wanting, needing me to use it. Seeing how pretty they look on their knees before me, babbling and whining over how much they need me, how they'll do anything for me in them
You'll do anything really, my little angel? You need me more than the air you breath? Go on then, seeing as you're on your knees— praise and pray for me in you as your god~
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