#fun fact this idea was originally going to be my senior project but i went w a diferent thing instead

[corantus]

the main cast of my story Owlhunter, done for a class project!

the story of a society of mice who ride bats and fight owls, a timid mouse who becomes the world's first owl rider, and a bat-rider who reluctantly switches sides.....

#visual development #character design #furry #fun fact this idea was originally going to be my senior project but i went w a diferent thing instead

[felassan]

The rest of this post (quotes from the article) is under a cut due to length. [source]

(There are discussions of colonialism under the cut / in the article.)

After speaking to various devs who worked on MEA I’ve learned quite a bit about what happened here. First of all, there were several more species designed for this galaxy. One writer lists having proposed “five or six” new alien types, while another states that the ones BioWare opted for in the end were specifically chosen for being in “cosplay-safe” territory. Another dev mentions that an entire system was constructed just to facilitate communication between species who were indigenous to Andromeda and those who had arrived from the Milky Way. The “species who were indigenous to Andromeda” part is important, given that there were also different ideas for how to handle first contact - making the Pathfinder a violent colonist who shoots first and asks questions later wasn’t something that was set in stone from the get-go.

“I think it was a project that couldn't have possibly lived up to expectations,” Neil Pollner tells me. Pollner was a senior writer on Mass Effect 3 before going on to write parts of Andromeda. “Not just the high bar of the original trilogy, but the logical expectations anyone would have of Mass Effect going to a whole new galaxy. Because the scope of [the first] Mass Effect was so incredibly massive, there was an inherent promise that you'd be getting a massive new experience with a ton of new things in [what was supposed to be the first] Mass Effect Andromeda - new species, new lore, an entire new galaxy at your fingertips, etc.

“But we were only given the budget for two new species, plus the Remnant. Not to mention that we couldn't even include all the Milky Way species. And we weren't going to be able to let you travel throughout the galaxy. This meant that we had to develop the story around some pretty glaring inorganic limitations. So, not only did you get something that felt (and was) much smaller than what you got before, almost everyone playing the game probably had something that they really liked about Mass Effect that just wasn't there.”

Pollner goes on to explain something I mentioned above - that there’s an inherent disconnect between making your character an explorer in a game where the vast majority of gameplay involves killing. “Ryder the explorer should have a challenging and dynamic first contact experience,” he explains. “Instead, you're almost immediately killing kett. So, some very basic pillars just weren't lining up.”

When I ask about the fact that several species had apparently been cut from the game - something I had already learned in previous interviews - Pollner assures me that I had “no idea” of what was dropped in the early days of Andromeda. He also lamented the iconic narrative and branching complexity of earlier BioWare games, stating that he wishes the team had been able to maintain the same level of variation, options, and consequences as the revered RPGs the studio was known for.

“The other BioWare Montreal writers and I were dreaming up and developing things for Andromeda months ahead of Edmonton officially starting the project - i.e. before the budget and scope had been decided/communicated,” Pollner says. “We just knew that we were going to Andromeda, with almost nothing else established, including even when in the timeline it would happen. And we set out to brainstorm and grow ideas that could organically serve that general premise. “That first contact expectation I mentioned? We'd developed ideas for how the player would navigate that. We were working on a process for the Milky Way species to learn how to even communicate with the new alien species. We were developing several additional species for the new galaxy, as well as several different storylines for why the expedition had been undertaken. Most of that pre-development work ended up not being used.”

“I proposed five or six new alien species when Andromeda was in its infancy, and I still think they had a ton of potential,” Hepler says. “[Ex-BioWare writer] Jo Berry came up with a few, too, they were awesome.

“However, I'm pretty sure those ideas are still property of BioWare, so even though I'm 100% certain they won't be used, I can't talk about them without getting some kind of permission.”

Given that Pollner had his own ideas for new species, and that Hepler had “five or six” on top of a “few” more from Berry, it’s reasonable to conclude that concepting was done for up to ten additional species that never made it into Andromeda.

“I remember some early concepts that were pretty out there,” Dorian Kieken tells me. Kieken was a design director at BioWare Montreal for Mass Effect 2 and 3 before being promoted to franchise design director at the beginning of Andromeda’s development. “One of the strengths of the original Mass Effect trilogy is that you can actually cosplay most of the alien characters - except the Hanar, although I wouldn't underestimate the creativity of some cosplayers. The intention in Mass Effect Andromeda was to introduce new races that would still be in the realm of cosplay, which is probably why more crazy concepts were abandoned.”

I was surprised that this was even a consideration, so I followed up. Kieken assures me that after Andromeda’s two new races had been decided on, their evolution of their design gradually went into more “cosplay-safe territory,” with the team consciously steering away from “jellyfish” types of aliens. “In the early development of the game, we explored a lot of new species. I'm not sure why we settled on the specific number that were in the final game, but my guess would be a mix of production reasons and having a reasonable amount of races to deal with knowing we were already bringing quite a few from the Milky Way as well.”

As Pollner mentioned earlier, the team only had the budget for two new species plus the Remnant. On top of that, they weren’t able to bring all of the Milky Way species, which corroborates Kieken’s recollection of why so many species were cut.

Given the context of these conversations - species being cut from Andromeda, first contact being muddled with militance, and even cosplay potential governing alien design - I also ask why, in the devs’ eyes, Andromeda was poorly received in relation to the original trilogy.

“I think it’s more story-related than setting-related,” Kieken says. “Andromeda has strong core gameplay that improved a lot over the trilogy, but the story didn't feel as strong. I didn't connect with the new character cast as much as I did with the original trilogy.

“It's also not a fair comparison as the trilogy is three games, so you have a lot more exposition and time to bond with the characters. That being said, I seem to recall a stronger rollercoaster of emotions in the original trilogy, which I think led to more memorable moments. From the tension of almost blowing up Wrex with your shotgun or gathering everyone on a suicide run, to the lightness of listening to Mordin sing ‘I'm the very model of a scientist Salarian’ or shooting cans with Garrus in the Presidium.”

Pollner also explains why Andromeda was perceived so differently from the original trilogy, citing differences in the amount of time the team were given to make the game, but also noting that the core issue was more systemic in nature.

“I think the thesis statement for why is that the Mass Effect trilogy was an incredibly demanding endeavor,” Pollner says. “The checks that were written for it, the complexity of the experience was insanely massive. The team worked their asses off non-stop for so many years, on back-to-back-to-back games. The prospect of doing the same thing again was not only exhausting to imagine, but totally impractical. Some of the ‘lessons’ learned from the original trilogy are ones that are important for game development but result in the player experience being less. When you're talking about triple-A development, the original trilogy is actually the anomaly, not Andromeda.

“Because I moved on from BioWare after my work on Andromeda was complete, I have no idea what, if any, future plans there might be. At the time of my departure, there were none.”

It’s worth noting that Pollner is clear about Andromeda being better than a lot of people give it credit for. While some of the concerns people had have now been verified by people who worked on the project - that there could have been more species and that the core premise of Ryder the explorer becoming Ryder the killer is inherently flawed - the team still worked hard on delivering an ambitious game within the constraints of what they were given.

“I find the game to actually be pretty darn fun, and once the technical flaws were ironed out, and the initial reactive disappointment faded, the game does stand on its own,” Pollner says. “There's some really good stuff in there.”

[source]

#bioware #mass effect #mass effect: andromeda #video games #colonialism cw #next mass effect #long post #longpost

[shihalyfie]

Also, another question (if you dont mind...): do you think there will be also a 02 reboot? Would it be a good ideia or is better to just let it the way it is right now?

I personally don’t want it, especially not if it uses the style of writing the current reboot has right now, in which its priority is far more about plot advancement than it is about characters. Mainly, for a lot of reasons:

I stress a lot that 02 wasn’t a great time for its characters themselves, and that a lot of what everyone striving for was to be happy after said events. Even if it only ends up being a mild rehash, I don’t want to see things like Ken suffering as the Kaiser again (not even in a different universe), because it was so important that everyone find a way to move on. In the case of Adventure, it’s much easier to make a reboot that’s only similar in surface details but is mostly something new because Adventure’s plot was relatively linear, and it’s possible to have the kind of relationship with the original series the current reboot has, but 02 has that kind of hardship as so intrinsically related to it that I’m not sure what you could do with it by taking its surface glosses.

I’ve been pretty blunt about the fact that most of us weren’t really watching 02 for the plot, and the reason the series has so much appeal is because of its character relationships and high thematic value. The bias towards that aspect is way more severe than it was in Adventure (where, again, the plot was mostly kind of linear and there was more emphasis on the “wonder of the Digital World” rather than so much human drama). I don’t want to see these specific characters recasted in a different context, and I also don’t think the series would have any appeal left if you did something completely different with a different style the way it’s being done with Adventure’s reboot.

This is a very personal thing, but one thing I noticed (and one reason I started writing very regularly for this blog) is that, when the reboot started airing, a lot of people would make comparisons with the older characters, but it turned out that people very often misremembered what actually went down in Adventure (ranging from minor misreadings to genuine factual errors). It’s something I don’t necessarily begrudge them for; Adventure is the kind of frustratingly subtle series that you forget a lot of if you haven’t seen it recently, and even more of that was lost in the American English dub, but it nevertheless led to a very frustrating experience where sometimes you’d see people take those reboot characteristics and talk about the original series characters like they’d always been like this or that, when in fact the original characters weren’t like that at all. This problem is bound to be multiple times worse with 02, where the characters are so often accused of being flat and lacking in development (they’re not!!), and 02 also had an even worse subtlety problem and an even more liberty-taking dub, and even the Japanese side of the franchise hasn’t exactly been delicate about handling their characters, and I am terrified that this kind of problem where people think of them inaccurately or badly might potentially get worse, because of a potential reboot take on them that would accidentally validate all of those misconceptions. You have no idea how relieved I was that Kizuna shows the 02 quartet at their best and in a way true to the spirit of the original, because I was really worried about how people would retroactively see them based on their portrayal there. (Also, unfortunately, there are a lot of people who pathologically hate 02 on principle, and even if a potential 02 reboot were the worst anime in the world, those kinds of people would be all too happy to yell “still better than the original!” regardless of anything, and I don’t think I’d have the patience to endure that...)

I honestly would just rather have new material than a reboot of anything. I’m not averse to the concept of a reboot per se, mainly in the sense that I do appreciate the fact that the current reboot isn’t just doing a “worse rehash of Adventure” and is clearly doing its own thing beyond the surface details, but I obviously would have vastly preferred doing something genuinely new. If they want to make a sequel anime to this reboot, why not make up some new characters exclusive to this universe? I think that’d be fun. I know a lot of 02 fans would see this as a dodge or spurn, but this is just my personal, very strong feeling as a 02 fan who thinks that the best thing that can happen with the characters I love so much would conversely be to let them move on. (I was already kind of amused at the fact they already made a few 02 references in the existing series, like Yamato’s bass guitar or Pegasmon.)

I know some people have suggested a reboot to “fix” 02′s plot writing issues, but I love it a lot as it is -- a lot of the things that were “problems” were conversely able to give it a certain flavor you’d never be able to get in a more conventionally written series -- and I think it’s indeed a very flawed series in the sense that there’s no such thing as a perfect Digimon series, nor a perfect piece of media at all, and even if you “fix” one flaw you’re inevitably going to get another. It’s been 20 years and I’ve come to terms with all of the things I didn’t care for as much, so I don’t think it’s all that productive to dwell or fixate on “we should redo this again” instead of appreciating what it did give us 20 years ago and producing newer content instead. I mean, if I want to watch 02 again, I can just rewatch it, and if there’s something I want to explore that canon didn’t give me, I’m happy being a fanfic writer, and this experience of writing this blog has made me realize that it’s incredible how much you can still extract out of this series even 20 years later. I think it’s much more productive to try and cover new territory with things rather than constantly trying to redo the same thing over and over again. I suppose I took the theme of the series a bit too seriously?...

Whether they will actually do a 02 reboot or not, I have no idea. I think they’ve certainly learned their lesson that 02 has a diehard fanbase that hates to see it treated badly (after, ah, recent events), but it just doesn’t carry the same notability and branding that the original series does, and its critically controversial status means that their names and faces don’t do nearly as much by itself. (Reboot merch can sell because people will project the original characters on them, but Miyako and Iori merch especially tends to sell abysmally poorly even now.) I feel like the actual Digimon from 02 sell better than the human characters, to be honest. And it’s a new universe; 02 fans get upset when the juniors aren’t involved in the lives of their seniors when those relationships were a big deal (series about relationships, et cetera), but if those specific relationships don’t exist in the first place, I don’t think most of us really care as much to the point of getting upset because of the omission.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #shiha's ask box #sereyith

[citizen-l]

03. Dinner

Despite everything being white, the food was delicious. Apparently it was tradition that every weekend, if there were no other engagements, they would all gather in one of their places, usually it was Chen and Minseok's apartment since it was away from campus. 

"Why does it have to be outside campus?" Chanyeol asked while biting into white asparagus. 

"Baek, you wanna explain?" Minseok laughed.

"Loud music," Baekhyun said quickly and took a sip of water. The music in the background was some mild trap beats, pretty chill.

"You mean loud moaning," Jongin mumbled from the side and Baekhyun choked on water, which earned Jongin an upside on the head.

"Let's not make our new guest think we're savages!" exclaimed Poe's wife, Chanyeol couldn't remember her name. 

"Well, now that you've mentioned, it'd be more awkward if we didn't explain it," Chen laughed. 

"We tend to go a little wild, Chanyeol," Poe said. "Especially after a sufficient amount of drinks."

"I need a drink for this," Baekhyun sighed and got up. 

"Have some wine," another ghost smirked. 

"Not that," Baekhyun said, going into the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge. 

"It was probably our second or third gathering, and back then we had some...entertaining ideas," Chen explained. 

"We thought it'd be fun to have a BDSM themed party," Minseok said bluntly. "And someone had the brilliant idea to get me drunk."

"How were we supposed to know you could down a keg without feeling tipsy?" Chen whined. 

"Long story short, everyone ended up drunk except Minseok, and we took our theme a bit too seriously...in Baekhyun's apartment."

"Wait," Chanyeol didn't know if he wanted to laugh or be horrified. "Where was Sehun?"

Baekhyun was still in the kitchen with his back to everyone, his ears redder than his pink hair. 

"The roommate?" Chen asked. "Probably at some party. It was during Halloween, I think."

"Aren't you gonna tell him the worst part?" Baekhyun returned with his beer. "How the neighbors called the cops and we had to explain why we were dressed in harness and handcuffs?"

Chanyeol choked on the potato. 

"It was Halloween," Chen said innocently. 

"Or why someone was bound to the bed," Minseok raised a brow at Chen. 

"Role play."

"Yeah, it didn't end well, and I'm never going through that again," Baekhyun said. "You wanna have your sexcapades, you can have it in your own apartment."

"If I remember correctly," Chen started, but was soon silenced with a kick under the table by Baekhyun.

Well, that was...interesting.

“Don’t worry, we try not to go overboard after that incident,” Chen reassured Chanyeol.

“Sure,” Jongin grumbled, and everyone laughed.

“Oh, that was all your fault,” Poe said. “Jongin’s initiation was legendary.”

“Initiation?” Chanyeol was confused, they sounded like a cult.

“Yeah, Jongin wasn’t part of our original friend circle,” Minseok explained. “Some of them left after the first few parties, but we loved this, so we thought why not invite more people who’d like this.”

“And,” Chen added. “We just wanted to make more friends who are like us.”

“I was nothing like you lot,” Jongin said in the most dramatic way possible, which only proved Chen’s point.

“Well, we thought differently,” Baekhyun said. “And he was already friends with us in class so he was the perfect candidate.”

“It feels like you wanted him to join your cult,” Chanyeol said and Baekhyun’s cheeks lit up with a smile.

“That’s exactly what it was!” Jongin said exasperatedly. “They lured me in, invited me to a party telling me they wanted to get to know me more, and I thought I was this special guy who caught the eyes of his seniors.”

“Jongin, you are a special guy!” Chen lifted his glass.

“Well, turns out,” Jongin ignored the interruption. “They thought it’d be fun to have a horror themed party, for a guy who can’t even tolerate the idea of ghosts.”

“Oh man, I still remember your screams,” Medusa laughed.

“And remember how he thought Taemin was a real ghost because of his long hair and make up,” the brunette, Soyeon, wiped a tear.

“I was kinda proud of that performance,” Lucifer, Taemin, smiled. “I just wish we recorded it all.”

“Thank god, nobody thought of it,” Jongin gulped down his wine.

They went on with their banters and laughter, Chanyeol honestly felt special that they were willing to share this with him. He genuinely enjoyed being there among this eccentric group of people. None of his other friends were like this, this wasn’t the usual crowd he hung out with. His usual friends were music people, and they were usually busy mixing tapes, participating in recitals, or playing a gig at some quaint bar on weekends. He occasionally saw them at parties on campus outside of class, or at times when they had group projects. None as close enough to call them up for a weekend get together.

Or maybe Chanyeol wasn’t the type of person who got close to people.

It wasn’t a lie that he usually avoided people and large gatherings. Sehun usually took matters into his own hands to get Chanyeol out of his room and into the world. But lately, Sehun was too preoccupied with Junmyeon to have time for his best friend. And it wasn’t that Chanyeol minded, per se. It was just that, he now realized he never felt like he actually enjoyed the company of others as much as he was enjoying this dinner party.

“Alright, time for cake,” Baekhyun said.

“I’ll get them,” Chanyeol said before Baekhyun got up. The cakes were heavy after all the decorating was done. And even though Baekhyun made sure to hide his bandage under the frills of his shirt, Chanyeol hadn’t forgotten.

“I’ll help,” Chen said and came with Chanyeol to the kitchen. “You having fun?”

Chanyeol at first didn’t realize Chen was talking to him until he saw Peter Pan waiting for him to answer. “Oh yeah, not what I was expecting when I was invited, but this is really nice.”

“I’m glad,” Chen brought out small plates.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Chanyeol waited as Chen started to cut the cakes. “Why did you guys invite me?”

“Why do you ask?” Chen laughed.

“Well, because, from what I gathered, you guys don’t invite just anyone on a whim to this party,” Chanyeol said. “This is, I think, very important to all of you. And I’m a stranger, practically.”

“The fact that you understand is reason enough to think inviting you was a great decision,” Chen said. “Yes, this is important. But we’re not a cult, despite how we might act sometimes. And we like making new friends.”

Chanyeol can understand that, but it still felt like a weak explanation.

“There is also the fact that you saved Baek, and he wouldn’t shut up about you,” Chen laughed.

Chanyeol stopped and stared. Okay?

“Half of us actually thought he was making shit up after what happened yesterday,” Chen said. “So when you showed up, we just couldn’t contain our curiosity about you, I guess.”

“What happened yesterday? You mean me showing up at Baekhyun’s place and scaring him half to death which led to everything else?” Chanyeol said while gathering the plates and forks.

“Uh, yeah, crazy chain of events,” Chen laughed after a while. “Let’s go.”

“You didn’t think it was going to be over so soon, did you?” 

Of course he did. Chanyeol didn’t think this dinner party would be anything more than a dinner party. Apparently, he was wrong.

They got on their coats and decided to walk a few blocks down to another place. Chanyeol kind of enjoyed the procession, people staring while trying to be discreet about it but failing. A group of people in white clothes, white coats, walking down the sidewalk without a care, laughing and talking as if nobody else is on the street. Chanyeol was somewhat jealous, that kinda confidence only came with being surrounded by supportive and like-minded people.

“You okay? Enjoying yourself?” Baekhyun lightly jabbed an elbow to his side.

“Yeah, you?” Chanyeol asked. “How’s your hand?”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine. I hope my friends didn’t scare you or anything. They can be a bit much sometimes.”

“Nah, they’re pretty amazing people. You have cool friends,” Chanyeol said and watched Baekhyun’s cheeks redden as he smiled. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Baekhyun laughed. “Wait till the night is over, I’d feel lucky if you don’t run away embarrassed.”

“Why would I be embarrassed?” 

The place they arrived at was some kind of a club. Rainbow lights hung under an open space, the bar at one end seemed too well stocked and overcrowded. Chanyeol didn’t know what this was, but he loved it. The music was upbeat, but not too loud or annoying, he appreciated good music. People danced, some sat in garden chairs around small tables. This felt like a backyard turned into a nightclub, but Chanyeol loved the relaxed vibe.

“Hey! How was the party?” The bartender asked before Soyeon practically jumped over the bar to kiss him.

“Ugh get a room,” Jongin scrunched his nose and moved over to the dance floor.

There was definitely something in his voice, Chanyeol would have to be deaf to not notice.

“They used to date,” Baekhyun whispered beside him. “Jongin and Lay, didn’t work out.”

Judging by the blissed out smile Lay the bartender was giving Soyeon, he was pretty okay with things not working out with Jongin. Jongin, evidently, was not. But he didn’t linger, laughing and pulling the Medusa, Jessi, into a spin towards the dance floor. Jessi in turn grabbed Baekhyun and before Chanyeol knew it, he was sitting with Poe and his bride at a table nursing a beer and watching people laugh and dance in all their white glory.

“So, how did you like our party?” Poe’s wife, Lisa, asked in conversation.

“Not what I expected,” Chanyeol said. “But it was very enjoyable, thank you for having me.”

“I was a bit skeptical about you, not gonna lie,” Poe asked, Chanyeol couldn’t remember his name, he wasn’t at the rehearsal earlier that day. “The last time Baekhyun brought someone, it was a bit of a disaster.”

“We don’t talk about it,” Lisa joked. “And after Baekhyun told us what happened with you last night, we were sort of too eager to know who you were. Minseok legit thought Baek made you up.”

“Yeah, he does that a lot,” Poe said. “Bit of a drama queen. So how long have you two been dating?”

Chanyeol spat out his beer, coughing ridiculously. He genuinely did not see that coming.

“Uh, we’re not, we’re not together, or dating, or anything like that,” Chanyeol said once he drank some water from the bottle Lisa gave him.

“But, you were at his place, I thought…”

“No, nothing like that,” Chanyeol said. “His roommate is my friend, Sehun, he’s dating my roommate. And...yeah.”

How to say you got kicked out of your own place because two people wanted to bang without being embarrassed? You couldn’t. Chanyeol hoped he didn’t have to elaborate further.

“Oh! So that’s why Baek said he got scared when you showed up out of the blue,” Lisa laughed. “We just thought you surprised him after your date tomorrow.”

“Nah, I wasn’t his date. I was told he would be out so I would spend the night alone in Sehun’s room. Didn’t think he’d be home.”

Poe and Lisa exchanged some worried glances but they didn’t say anything further. Chanyeol sipped his beer and tried not to be too obvious about watching two Victorian ghosts dancing with Medusa.

“You don’t dance?” Baekhyun asked as he sat down beside Chanyeol.

“Not if I can help it,” Chanyeol said.

“Alright, Darcy,” Baekhyun laughed.

“Who?”

“So what have you been doing sitting here all alone?”

It had been a while since Poe and Lisa went on to dance, asking Chanyeol to join a few times but leaving eventually when he wasn’t budging.

“Just enjoying the scene, vibing. This place is pretty cool, I like the music,” Chanyeol said.

“Yeah, Lay makes music like you, he’s older though, maybe two years your senior. He’d have joined the dinner if he didn’t have to take up an emergency shift tonight.”

“So how many are part of the cult?” Chanyeol asked jokingly, getting a giggle out of Baekhyun. Worth it.

“There’s me, Minseok, and Jongdae, I mean Chen. We’re the originals,” Baekhyun giggled again. “Then Jessi, Lisa, Taemin, Lay. We brought in Jongin, Lisa brought in her boyfriend Justin. And Lay invited Soyeon.”

“And you invited me,” Chanyeol said.

“Yeah. There were a few more, they didn’t quite vibe with us much, left after a while.”

“Justin said you brought someone else long ago,” Chanyeol said before he could stop himself. He really didn’t plan to ask, he didn’t want to overstep, especially after Lisa said they don’t talk about it. But he couldn’t help it. And judging by the stiffness of Baekhyun’s shoulders, he made a mistake. He tried to lessen the damage. “Did they leave as well?”

“Uh, yeah, we didn’t really have...he had a falling out with us. So we sort of stopped interacting.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be, he was a little bitch.”

Baekhyun didn’t say anything afterward, so Chanyeol decided to change the subject.

“So, you guys come here every week?”

“No, not really. Depends. If we decide to drink too much, we usually stay over and don’t go out. If there is something special going on, like the carnival a few weeks back, we usually go for a visit. Tonight was a special occasion, your initiation, and also, Lay missed the dinner, so Minseok wanted to bring him some food and cake.”

“My initiation,” the words finally registered. “Does that mean I’m part of the cult now?”

“It’s not a cult, don’t be dramatic,” Baekhyun laughed. “But yes, you’re part of it, which means you’ll be invited to all future dinners, unless you don’t want to be a participant, which is cool too. No pressure. But if you do decide to join, you might want to be more serious about the themes. Chen said Minseok is planning something big for the winter solstice, maybe a Greek Mythology theme. Dibs on Apollo, if that happens.”

“Okay.”

“You think we’re crazy.”

“I don’t think you’re crazy,” Chanyeol said honestly. Eccentric, yes. Not crazy, though. It was actually kinda interesting, fun too. And every one of these people that Chanyeol got to talk to seemed very intelligent so far. They had arguments about Euripides and Bernard Shaw while eating cake, and Chanyeol enjoyed it even though he couldn’t understand one bit what was going on.

“It’s a getaway,” Baekhyun asked as he watched his friends dance and laugh and make fun of each other. “This started as a sort of intervention, a gathering to talk out problems and be civil about it, have dinner, talk things out, have fun. And now it’s like we’re committed. I missed maybe two dinners since we started this last year, and both times I felt like crap afterwards. It’s become a confort.”

It reminded Chanyeol of family brunches on weekends, except there usually weren’t much comfort these days. But he understood the sentiment. And to be invited to be a part of it was a huge deal. To be invited by Baekhyun at that, who has not invited anyone except him and one other person, that person turning out to be not the friend they hoped for, Chanyeol felt some pressure about making a good impression just so Baekhyun won’t have a hard time with his friends.

“I hope you friends didn’t dislike me,” Chanyeol said.

“Oh, trust me, they liked you,” Baekhyun said. “They threatened to not let me in without you next time. It’s an empty threat, don’t worry. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Right. Well, now, Chanyeol sort of wanted to attend dinner next week. Maybe he can bring some of his famous savory dishes.

It should alarm Chanyeol that he was thinking about cooking for a dozen people just to attend a dinner so Baekhyun didn’t look bad to his friends. It should alarm him, but he liked spending time with them, with Baekhyun. Enough to dress up again and cook food.

Either something was definitely wrong with him, or that one kiss was getting to his head.

Ask him, a voice in his head screamed at him. Ask him!

But what would Baekhyun answer? 

It was just to thank him for taking care of Baekhyun?

The kiss wasn’t that heated, if Chanyeol was being honest with himself. A chaste goodbye kiss. That tasted like strawberries.

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked, and it looked like he’d been calling his name for a while now. “How much did you drink?” He laughed.

“Not much,” Chanyeol said.

“Your face looks pretty red, you sure you’re not drunk?”

“I’m sure,” Chanyeol wasn’t even tipsy. He’d just been daydreaming about a stupid kiss.

“Well, it’s pretty late. Everyone else is staying over so they’ll probably be here another hour or so. Do you want to stay?”

“Are you leaving?” Chanyeol asked and Baekhyun nodded. “You’re not staying over. Because of me?”

“No, I just like my bed,” Baekhyun said. “I can drop you off if you don’t want to stay here anymore.”

“Okay.”

Maybe Chanyeol was a tiny bit tipsy, that was the only reason he could come up with to explain why he was thinking about Baekhyun’s bed.

“Are you sure you’re sober enough to drive though?” Chanyeol asked when he could think straight again.

“Yeah, don’t worry, I just had one beer tonight, I don’t drink much. Lightweight.”

They said their goodbyes and walked over to the apartment to get the car. They were on the road when Chanyeol got a text from Sehun. 

“Stay over at my place, Baek will let you in.”

For some reason, the text made Chanyeol incredibly angry. The nerve! Sehun barely responded to any of Chanyeol’s texts or calls the whole day, and then, he had the nerve to tell Chanyeol that he couldn’t stay at his own home because… 

“Uh, not to sound rude, but would it be okay if I stayed over at your place tonight?”

“Your roommate and Sehun at it again?” Baekhyun laughed.

Chanyeol just sighed. He was getting too tired of Junmyeon and Sehun acting like teenagers. If they wanted to spend every night together, they might as well move in together and leave Chanyeol his meager place.

“Don’t worry, you can stay over.”

Chanyeol sighed again, for a different reason.

#exo #chanbaek #chanyeol #byun baekhyun #alternate universe #university au #fluff #ao3 writer #writeblr #writers on tumblr #my writing #writing #fanfic

[imalifegen89]

A Legacy Left Behind - Chapter - 7 - When the Past Unfurls - Part I

Rating: Mature

Category: M/M

Fandoms: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Relationship: Steve McGarrett/John Sheppard

Characters: Steve McGarrett, John Sheppard, Danny "Danno" Williams, Evan Lorne, Bates (Stargate), Laura Cadman, Alicia Vega, Kono Kalakaua, Adam Noshimuri, PO Higgins (OC), Samantha "Sam" Carter, Jack O'Neill, John McGarrett, Dr. Lam, Catherine Rollins, Wo Fat, Original Goa'uld Character(s), Original Characters

Additional Tags: Action/Adventure, Action & Romance, Military, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Violence, Character Bashing, Not Catherine Rollins Friendly, No DADT, Swearing

Summary :

"Sure John, I'll call," He promised as the SUV came to a stop in front of them. He and Danny both got in and seated themselves. He then gave a short wave to John who was still standing there by the exit watching them leave. Steve hoped what John had told him would be true, that his dad would be able to make it through. He was not ready to lose his only remaining parent. ‘God please, not again! Not so soon ...' His mind was repeating the mantra as Steve let out a weary sigh and closed his eyes."

Steve will find out about what happened to his father, who was involved in it, why it happened and so much more than he ever bargained for...

Hello All, Here's the next part of the series, and it's a two-parter. There are some plot twists on the way and hope you all will enjoy it.

Aethir - Thank you so much for your hard work and for finding some time to help me with editing, commenting, and giving out very helpful tips and suggestions. Idea bouncing and snark is always so much fun with you!!!

Part 1 - Honolulu General

Honolulu General Hospital

Hawaii

The six-hour-long flight in the old and noisy Globemaster had left both SEALs travel-weary and sleep-deprived. Neither had talked much during the flight, trying to catch a few hours of shut-eye, but among the jarring engine noise, the comms chatter, the endless shuddering, and the training maneuvers, that had been impossible. At the end of the flight, they had thanked the crew and disembarked with relief, each carrying their single duffel.

They were both on leave and therefore in civilian clothes, and instead of the usual armory they carried around, they only had their handguns and with extra clips in their bags. Although they were only making a visit to the hospital, neither of them was willing to go completely unarmed.

A short taxi ride brought them to the hospital from Hickam closer to the midday visiting hours. They figured if needed, they could wait in the hospital until they could see John McGarrett.

……….

"Hello, My name’s Steve McGarrett, I got a call last night about my father. Somebody named Curtis called me," said Steve, presenting his credentials to the male nurse manning the reception area of the Outdoor-Patient-Department. The nurse - L. Rider, according to his name tag - gave Steve and his ID a once over and started accessing his system.

"Yes, Mr. McGarrett, your father's been moved from the ICU. He’s in room 308. You can take that elevator to the left," he informed.

“Thanks.”

Steve and Danny both took off towards the given directions.

The room Steve's father was in wasn't hard to find. It was located on the third floor and the room had the number and the name 'John McGarrett' on a plaque clearly displayed. It also had 'Dr. Leonard T. Lester - Cardiologist' listed as his primary care physician.

"I'm going to go look around and find some coffee. Do you need anything?" Danny asked. He was going to give his friend some time with his dad before going in.

"Yeah sure, I could use some coffee.”

……….

During the six long hours he’d had to think about what happened, Steve’s mind had been busy contemplating some horrible scenarios. He hadn’t realized that he had been subconsciously bracing himself for the worst. Nobody in his family had any history of heart attacks and he didn't know what to expect, what to do or how to prepare. Being the trained planner that he was, Steve found the lack of knowledge rather unsettling.

What the nurse at the reception told him, gave him hope though. He theorized that since his dad's already been moved from the ICU to a regular room, his condition shouldn't be that bad.

Steve took a moment to compose himself, watching Danny as he walked away. Then he took a deep breath and knocked on the door before entering room 308.

……….

He stood still by the door to take the scene in.

His dad was lying on the bed and a white and blue hospital gown was peeking out from underneath the white blanket. There was a monitor attached to his chest and Steve could see the leads disappear through the opening of his gown. The apparatus was quiet and its screen indicated a steady rhythm while John McGarrett slept. Steve noticed there was an IV connected to his dad's left hand as well. He scrunched up his nose when the strong odor of antiseptics hit him in the face, contrasting starkly with the smell of gun oil and Old Spice aftershave he usually associated with his dad.

McGarrett senior was sleeping peacefully and didn't seem to be in any pain. Steve was content to let his dad be, preferring to let him wake up on his own. As he stepped further into the room, he saw a chair by the bed and lowered himself to it slowly, mindful not to make a sound. Then he placed his duffel bag on the floor and settled in to wait.

Maybe it was his instincts of being an active duty police officer - John McGarrett surfaced from his slumber knowing that there was somebody in the room with him, within a few minutes of Steve’s entrance. The slight change in the rhythm of the heart monitor alerted Steve to the fact. Not wanting to startle him, Steve leaned forward and addressed his father softly.

"Hey dad," he reached to touch his hand, the one without the IV needle.

"Steve!" His dad's eyes went wide, realizing his son was sitting by the bed. "What are you doing here?" John knew Steve was deployed and he was the last person he expected to see in the hospital this early. He hadn’t even been in here for 24 hours.

"The hospital called me and told me you had a heart attack," Steve explained. He was relieved to see that his dad was speaking clearly and wasn't showing any signs of disorientation or pain. In fact, he looked quite normal. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright," John smiled at the raised eyebrow he received from his son at that. So he elaborated. "Just a little tightness in my chest area. But the doctor says it's normal after an attack. Other than that, I really am feeling fine. To be honest, I didn't even know what it was. I only knew I had a heart attack when Dr. Lester told me this morning," He was more curious as to how his son got here so quickly. "Where were you when they called you?"

"Colorado Springs." Steve smiled. He couldn't really get into details about his deployment or his whereabouts other than that, but he was glad that he was in the States to make this trip.

"Hah, and you’re here already. That was quick,"

"Yeah, I got lucky and caught a transport.”

Steve was more than happy to just sit there and exchange pleasantries all day long. But he needed to know what happened first. He got up to go and fetch a glass of water for his father from the bedside table. "Dad, what happened?"

His dad took it and drank some water before handing it back to Steve. Then he turned on his bed to fully settle on his back. Steve put the glass away and leaned towards his dad, giving him his full, undivided attention.

"It was the weirdest thing, kid," said the senior McGarrett, frowning as he cast his mind back to the chain of events that led to his sudden health failure. “I was in that small grocery shop by the filling station near home. I had just finished filling up the tank on the truck and was getting some stuff for the weekend. I remember walking towards the counter to pay and that’s it - for the life of me, I can't remember having any pain or calling for help or anything. I was standing there one moment and was waking up on this bed the next.” He paused to take a deep breath and then exhale slowly. “Then there’s this fellow - Dr. Lester - is telling me how lucky I was to come back from a severe myocardial infarction with no visible damage to my heart,” he made a face, remembering his earlier conversation with the overly cheerful doctor who described the incident in vivid medical detail.

“How’d you get here?”

“He said that the shop owner called for emergency services and sent me here. Apparently, I coded on the way, but they managed to get my heart started again without much fuss. And now, here I am.” John finished recounting the incident.

Steve rubbed a hand across his face, trying to take it all in.

“I wouldn’t obviously know what to expect, it’s not like I’ve had a heart attack before - but I'd have thought that at least you get some kind of a warning sign, you know? Like breathing difficulties, chest pain or something,” McGarrett senior continued after a moment. “Not this going about your normal day-to-day business, and then a complete blackout, followed by waking up in a damn hospital bed - it just doesn't feel normal,” his frown deepened.

Steve didn’t say anything for a long while. He just took his time to sit there and watch his dad who seemed to be doing pretty much okay after going through such an experience. He was immensely relieved and was happy to take his time to enjoy the feeling, letting go of the worry and stress that had built up since the moment he’d received the call.

A knock on the door interrupted the comfortable silence in the room and Danny Williams entered carrying two styrofoam cups of coffee.

“Ah there you are, Cap, how are you feeling?” He asked, handing over a coffee to Steve and coming closer to stand near the bed railing.

“I’m feeling alright, considering,” John smiled crookedly. “Where’s my coffee, Williams?”

“Hey, I don't think coffee is on the approved list for you,” Danny grinned. He was glad to see the man looked healthy enough for someone who had just had a serious health scare, fit to be up and making demands. “Besides, this hospital swill is so bad it might just give you a different problem or three,” he sipped his coffee and grimaced theatrically to prove the point. “So when are they letting you out?”

“Don't know yet, my doctor is supposed to drop by any time now. I don't think I need to stay here any longer at all.” John stated confidently. He was not accustomed to sitting around on a bed all day, especially when he wasn’t feeling different from any other day.

“Let’s let the doctor decide that, yeah dad? As you said, this is the first time something like this has happened to you and they just might need to keep you under observation for a bit - just saying,” Steve cautioned.

He knew his dad and he could see the stubborn man was already planning on going home, to start acting as if nothing happened. He might even insist on going to work unless the doctor gave him strict orders to rest and take it easy for a while.

“Which reminds me, do they know at the station that you are here?” Steve asked his dad before he could start protesting about staying put in the hospital. “I tried calling Kelly before I left, but it went to voicemail,”

“No, I’m on leave - only due back the day after tomorrow,” his dad replied somewhat petulantly.

The room door opened again, this time granting entry to a short, balding Hawaiian native. The name tag embroidered over the chest area of his white coat identified him as Dr. L.T. Lester. He smiled cheerfully at all of them and went to the nearest monitor connected to McGarrett senior.

“So how are you feeling today, John?” the doctor inquired while studying the monitor.

“I’m fine doc, when do I get to go home?” John got straight to the point.

The doctor continued taking readings and making notes with an amused smile on his face. Then he went to unclip the chart hanging on the bed railing and made a few notes on it. After that, instead of answering his reluctant patient, the doctor turned to Steve and Danny to introduce himself. At the end of exchanging pleasantries, he finally turned to address John.

“Well, Mr. McGarrett, I can see you’re doing quite well and your readings are good. But, as I explained to you earlier, what you went through is quite serious and you might have damage to your heart muscle.”

Then sensing the alarm from the visitors of his patient, the doctor hurried to explain. “It’s what happens during a heart attack. The blood flow into the heart gets interrupted and it goes into a sort of overdrive trying to restore the flow. This overactivity can cause damage. Your dad was quite lucky that people near him reacted quickly and sent him to the hospital on time.” The doctor smiled again.

“So, what’s next, doc?” Steve asked.

“We do need to assess the possibility of damage and the cause of the infraction. The most common reason is usually coronary artery disease, which means cholesterol clogging the arteries. There are some instances this could happen if you were experiencing a seizure with severe spasms and contractions. We’ll need to run some tests to determine the cause and then plan steps for the recovery,”

“And how long will all this take?” The McGarrett senior looked crestfallen, resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to get out soon.

“I actually have you scheduled for some of the tests now. Some blood work, an EKG, and a scan. An attendant should be here shortly to take you for those,” Then the doctor turned to Steve and Danny. “The tests will take about an hour or so. If you need to step out and have a meal or something, now would be the time.”

An elderly female attendant entered the room quietly, pushing a wheelchair as the doctor finished, and started unhooking Steve's dad from his various monitors. Steve took the doctor's advice and took his leave with Danny, after letting his dad know that they’ll be back once the tests were done.

……….

“Well, I’ve gotta admit man, your dad’s right. That does sound weird.” Danny said after listening to Steve about what happened.

“Why?” Steve frowned.

“My uncle Mario had a heart attack a couple of years ago. The man was moving some heavy boxes around. He’d been sweating buckets and breathing through his mouth for about an hour when my aunt found him and made him take a break. Then he felt pain in his chest and aunt Rea took him to a doctor. The doctor took one look at him and sent him to an ER. He’s been suffering from a heart attack for hours by then,” Danny paused and tried to remember the exact details his mother told him about what happened to his uncle. “He is fine now. He had to have a bypass and has to stay away from all the greasy food and the alcohol, but he made it,” he said inspecting the sandwich he took from the vending machine. They were both seated in the hospital cafeteria with bottles of water and sandwiches.

It was crowded and almost all the tables were full with families huddling together having lunch - most probably waiting for news about their loved ones. It wasn’t that noisy, despite being crowded to capacity - and nowhere near cozy or inviting - as one would expect from a busy dining area. It felt as though the sense of expectation, the sense of happiness, and the overpowering sense of grief had all tangled up together to create a very subdued atmosphere. Even the smell of food mixed with the underlying odors of disinfectant contributed to the gloom that pervaded over the souls lost in their own private worlds.

“Wow, I’ve forgotten how crappy the hospital food is. This doesn't look like a roast beef sandwich man,” Danny sniffed at it. “Sure doesn’t smell like it either.” Then he shrugged and started eating. It didn’t taste much better either, but he was hungry after the long flight.

Steve didn’t say anything as he nibbled on his food. He wasn’t really hungry but knew he had to have something to keep his energy up. He was thinking about his dad’s recounting of the incident. He hadn’t said anything to his dad earlier, but the more he thought about it, the less it made sense. What Danny was telling him also made it clear how unusual the whole thing was. He made up his mind to pop into the shop his dad was in, later when they left the hospital. Maybe he could talk to the shopkeeper and even have a look at their security footage if they had any. He might even find something that could explain his dad suddenly suffering a heart attack. Maybe there was something that his dad had forgotten to mention.

He needed to get in touch with Sheppard as well, to let him know his dad’s condition. He knew that John would worry until he heard from him. Taking the last bite of his sandwich, he decided now would be the best time to make that call.

“Listen, I need to call Shep and let him know dad’s alright. I’m just gonna be over there by that balcony,” he told Danny as he stood up, fishing his phone out of his jacket pocket. Then he walked to the area he pointed, dialing Sheppard. “Be right back.”

………..

The sweet and subtle smell of her perfume reached Danny first, as he realized the lady who was wearing it was standing right in front of him. He looked up and saw the familiar, smiling face of Lieutenant Catherine Rollins looking down at him.

“Well, hello!” He grinned. “Fancy running into you here, of all places,” he gestured at the seat Steve had just vacated. “Take a seat,”

“Thanks,” Rollins smiled charmingly as she sat. “I’m just here visiting a friend of mine. She just had her second baby - a cute little baby boy,” her face took on the same expression all women wore when talking about babies. “I popped in here to get a drink and then I saw you,” she said. “I thought you guys were in Colorado? Is everything ok?” Her expression turned into one tinged with concern.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m here with Steve, actually. We got a call about his dad, but he’s alright. We just saw him,” Danny explained without going into much detail. He noticed the Lieutenant perking up at the mention of McGarrett junior.

“He’s over there, on a call.” he pointed with his head.

Steve was leaning over the balcony with his elbows resting on the railing and busy talking to Sheppard. He didn’t see the new arrival as he had his back to them.

Danny saw the wattage of Cathrine’s smile go up as her eyes ran over the view the oblivious SEAL presented. He hid the grin and blinked at her innocently when she turned back to face him.

“So, will you guys be here for a few days then?” She inquired, her gaze snapping back to where Steve was, almost unintentionally.

Danny knew she was mostly interested in finding out whether Steve was going to be around for a while.

“Well, that depends.” He hedged. “We have to see his dad’s doctor and see how it goes,”

He didn’t want to give any definite answers or any other details without Steve’s say so. He opened his bottle and drank some water, wishing Steve would soon return. So that he could decide what to tell this infatuated Lieutenant who was back to staring at Steve’s ass with a dreamy look on her face. Then something started to nag at Danny about what she said earlier, but he couldn’t place it. He pushed it away to sort out later as he saw Steve finishing his call.

……….

“Yeah, so that’s what happened. He seems alright and man, that’s a relief. Depending on what his tests and scans show, it’ll be a day or two more. But I’ll message you when I find out,” Steve said to John, who was quite relieved at the fact that Steve’s dad was fine. He insisted that Steve take as much time as needed to make sure his dad got all the support he needed. He also made Steve promise to message him with updates and implored him to take care of himself before finally ending the call.

Steve put his phone back inside his jacket with a smile. He very much appreciated the time he was given to take care of his dad. Moreover, he was deeply touched by the way Sheppard sounded over the phone. He had been really worried and the relief that poured over from his lover through the call was almost a tangible thing. Steve made a mental note to send regular updates as promised. It wasn’t something he would have done for anyone else, but he knew Sheppard would stress otherwise. It felt nice to know that he had somebody who cared that much about him.

He felt the good feeling wilt away when he turned back to see the penetrating gaze of Catherine Rollins directed at him. He was pretty sure he caught her in the act of staring at his ass. She smiled brilliantly at him and waved. Steve was somewhat reluctant to wave back and tried his best to summon a smile for her. He was sure it looked more like a grimace instead.

Steve didn’t have anything against beautiful women. He was definitely not opposed to being the subject of desire of one, either. He had gone out with many pretty women and Catherine Rollins, with her long black hair, soulful brown eyes, and radiant smile was exactly his type. But he was very much invested in another hazel-eyed brunet and he didn’t see himself veering off anytime soon - if ever at all. Even if he wasn’t, Steve knew that he still wouldn’t be interested in this particular woman. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something off about Lieutenant Rollins - something that rubbed him the wrong way - that made him want to be on his guard whenever she was nearby.

“Hi, Steve,” Rollins greeted cheerfully as he walked towards them.

Again, he was instantly put off by the overly friendly greeting. They had only known each other for about 48 hours, hadn’t they? He had to make a conscious effort to return the greeting without letting his true feelings show.

“Hello, Lieutenant,” He asked, more or less politely. “What brings you here?”

Danny cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, picking up on Steve’s discomfort instantly.

Rollins either didn’t notice or didn’t let it bother her because she launched into the story of her friend and her cute little babies with great enthusiasm.

Steve kept the smile plastered on his face as she talked. Then he made a show of checking time and gestured to Danny. “Hey, listen, it’s nice bumping into you here. But Danny and I’ve gotta run. My dad should be done with his tests now,” he said to the woman as Danny got up from the chair to go with him. Steve didn’t want to give her any details about their visit here and hoped Danny hadn’t run his mouth either.

With that somewhat curt parting, he turned and walked out of the cafeteria, with Danny following closely behind.

“So, it isn’t just me, hah? She gives off weird vibes to you too?” Danny asked, turning his walk into a half jog to keep up with Steve’s longer strides. Steve was eager to put as much distance as possible between them and Rollins.

“Yeah, you didn’t tell her why we’re here, did you?” Steve asked while stabbing the buttons on the elevator.

“Nah, not really. Just told her that we’re here for your dad. That’s it.”

“Is she following us?” Steve was staring at the shiny surface of the elevator door.

The reflections on it were slightly distorted. But Danny could discern the shapely figure of Rollins in tight-fitting jeans and green sleeveless top, slowly making her way towards them.

“Forget this,” Steve spat, pressing a few more buttons for various floors on the keypad. Then he swiftly walked away to the nearest staircase and started climbing two steps at a time. He knew his behavior was a bit irrational; she was just a colleague after all, not another enemy combatant gaining on him. Nevertheless, he wanted to get away from her as soon as possible.

When they finally reached Steve’s dad’s room, the man was already there, enjoying his lunch. It didn’t look much better than what they had either. John McGarrett insisted that there was no need for them to hang around since he was just going to take his pills and take a long nap anyway. He could see the boys were tired and wanted them to go home and catch a few hours of sleep for themselves. Steve relented and promised his dad that they’d drop by later around dinner time. He made him promise to call them if he needed anything before that and then finally hugged him fiercely, before taking their leave.

#fanfiction series #stargate atlantis #steve mcgarrett #john sheppard #ao3fic #cross over #hawaii five 0 #stargate #fiction #my writing #writers on tumblr #alternate universe #military #Not Catherine Rollins Friendly #No DADT

[immacaria]

A bird and a Cupid

  This is prompted by Day 2 of SangCheng December: Birds and as I’m not quite happy with the end, I would say that the rest of story is good. Here we have Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang tooking caring of Curió, one of the first birds Nie Mingjue gave to Huaisang (I have the odd habit of calling Nie Huaisang just Huaisang, so if you see just ‘Huaisang’ on the fic you know why) and she is a smartass who kind of brought the two of them together. Enjoy the fic and let me know what you think of it! Have a good day! 

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng had met through Wei Wuxian, but they stayed together because of each other, especially after Nie Mingjue went back to Qinghe and Wei Wuxian started dating Lan Wangj. They found a small apartment near their colleges, beautiful and petite and on which Nie Huaisang went absolutely crazy over it, even though Jiang Cheng had to admit it really was beautiful at the end. The building was fairly good and so were the neighbourhood, their neighbours were students as well and they all kind of bunched up to eat lunch, dinner or just to talk.

  It was good on it’s own way. In the morning, Jiang Cheng would wake up at five in the morning and go into a run, come back, take a bath and go make breakfast. Just then he would wake up Nie Huaisang so they would eat together until it was time for him to go to his classes and Nie Huaisang go take his bath and go to his own art classes. At lunch they would meet with some neighbours to gather up money and get food at the little restaurant/cafe near both the college and the art school. At the end of the day, the two of them would encounter at the bus station and go back home walking. Together, always together. When it was dinnertime, a girl down the hall, one the seniors, would make dinner for the four apartments around hers and feed everybody. So, yes, it was good. 

  "A-Cheng!" Now Huaisang screamed from the door, putting his shoes on the shelf Jiang Cheng had made. "A-Cheng, are you home?" 

  "Taking a bath!" Jiang Cheng screamed back from the bathroom, turning the shower off. "How was your class?" 

  "Good, good. I have yet another art project." He answered, hearing the shower turn on again. He let a shaky breath out, pulling a little golden cage from behind his back and putting it on the table, smiling at the little bird inside. "Hello. I missed you, sweetie." He put his index finger inside it, caressing its head and laughing lowly at the small content sounds the bird made. "Are you hungry? I will catch some food for you, hold on." He headed to his room, smiling at the bird. 

  That bird was the first one that Nie Mingjue gave him and one who was beside him through a lot of times, cheering him with his little songs and jumps. It was even funnier how she kind of mothered the younger birds they brought home, even sighing heavily when that did an idiocy or got themselves in trouble. That was one of the reasons Nie Huaisang brought her here, he got hurt trying to defend one the youngest and needed exams and remedy. 

  "What the hell is this? Why is there a bird on my table?" Jiang Cheng yelled from the living room and Nie Mingjue would be proud of the way and speed Nie Huaisang ran to there. 

  “A-Cheng! Don’t scream! She is sick.” Nie Huaisang held his arms, pulling him away from the bird. He obviously had just got out of the bath and instead of going straight to his room like he would normally do, he decided to go to the living room to talk to Huaisang. “Let Curió alone!” He added, readily ignoring the fact that his roommate was just on his briefs and with a towel on his head. 

  “Cur-what? What kind of name is that?” 

  “It’s brazilian, okay? My cousin TongTong suggested it after Da-Ge brought him from Brazil.” Nie Huisang said, shaking his head. “Let Curió alone!”

  “What kind of fucking name is that?” 

  “I don’t know, okay? You already asked that! We were looking at a list of names Da-Ge had found funny while visiting and we found this one the funniest. We were kids, A-Cheng!” He huffed, letting go of him and opening the cage. He let the little brown bird jump on his finger as he set up everything. “But you can call her whatever you want, just give her food while doing it and she will answer… And probably ask for some food.” He shrugged, letting her eat. He had missed that smartass and cunning bird a lot, especially when pleading for food to anyone who gave her a threat out of time. “Da-Ge calls her Xiao Niao, which is very original in the world the old man lives in.”

  “I am going to tell Mingjue-ge you called him and old man.” Jiang Cheng huffed, still eyeing Curió suspiciously. “Is she going to stay here for long?”

  “Curió is sick, A-Cheng! Be good!” He yelped, pushing him away. “Go put some clothes. No one needs to see your naked glory besides me.”

  “Greedy, aren’t we?” He chuckled, lifting his hands on surrender, going to his own room. 

  “Don’t mind him, Curió. He’s just jealous.” Nie Huaisang smiled at her, caressing her head. “You both are the love of my life, along with Da-Ge and all of your children.” 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  As days passed, Nie Huaisang saw that Jiang Cheng was growing fond of Curió. If he wasn’t near to give her the medicine, Jiang Cheng would do it quicker and better than him. If he was near but had forgotten, Jiang Cheng would appear at his room and scream that he was irresponsible and had forgotten to feed her. At some point, Nie Huaisang got home to see a working Jiang Cheng with Curió sitting at his head, sleeping. 

  Sincerely, the boy could deny all he wanted to, but he had become a bird dad with capital B. Hell, he even defended the name Nie Huaisang and his cousin had chosen based on their six-years-old wisdom and would teach anyone how to pronounce it. So yes, it was very cute and did unholy things to Nie Huaisang’s heart, but no one needed to know the latter. No one besides Nie Mingjue, who would suffer a lot until he could talk about his feelings with Jiang Cheng again.  

  “Da-Ge! I’m dying!” 

  “Good. Die, then!” Nie Mingue groaned and he was sure that he was rubbing his eyes angrily. No wonder why, as it was five in the morning on Qinghe and Nie Huaisang probably just woke him up. 

  “Da-Ge!” He cried out, throwing himself back in the bed. Jiang Cheng wasn’t going to arrive after an hour or so yet and he had enough time to overreact over him. “I can not deal with this anymore! First, he adopts Curió, now he is defending and fathering her! Hell, he even lets her stay on his shoulder and head when it’s just the two of us.” 

  “You are going crazy over?” Nie Mingjue said, even though his tone was lower than it usually would be. 

  “A-Cheng, Da-Ge! Weren’t you paying attention to my rambling?”

  “Didi, you ramble twenty-four hours per day, there are times that, yes, I simply stop paying attention to whatever is that you are saying.” He sassed, making Nie Huaisang gasps in outrage. 

  “You are horrible. Here I am dying and you are making fun out of me.” 

  “Okay, listen. Xiao Niao doesn’t like strangers, even if they give her food. So, if she is so close to Jiang Wanyin, there’s a good chance of the boy being a great child.” Nie Mingjue sighed and Nie Huaisang knew he was massaging his temples. “You are a menace, Huaisang, do you know that? It’s five in the morning and you are screaming in my ear about your crush on your roommate.” Again, his tone was lower than what it would normally be. 

  “Da-Ge, is someone there with you? Is it Xichen-ge?” He smiled, knowing fully well he was. 

  “Stop smirking, I can feel it from here.” 

  “You didn’t answer my question.” He replied in a sing-song voice, knowing the answer fully well. 

  “Yes! Yes, Lan Xichen is here. Happy now?” He growled.

  “Yes. Wait, no! Is Yao-ge…?” 

  “Both of them, you menace, both of them are here.” He interrupted and Nie Huaisang already pictured Lan Xichen on the left side of the bed, sleeping peacefully with his hair in a braid while Meng Yao was wrapped around a pillow, looking like a koala, with his brother in the middle, hugging them both. 

  “And you call me a menace. Bye bye, Da-ge. Happy sleep.” He snickered, turning off the phone quickly. It was a good thing that the three of them finally managed to work themselves around and start dating. It was getting annoying the way they bluntly ignored each other’s feelings. Later, he would have to ask if the video that he sent to Lan Xichen of Nie Mingjue drunkenly confessing his love for both him and Meng Yao had been of any help. But now he had to get up and give his little girl food before making breakfast for him and Jiang Cheng.

  “Hello, Curió.” He greeted the little bird, putting food on a small container inside the cage. “Surprised to see me up, aren’t you? Me too, but since I am already up I guess I will make breakfast for me and A-Cheng, what do you think?” Curió let out a happy sound, that could both mean that she thought that it was a good idea or just that she was happy that she got food earlier than normally. “Yeah, I think so too.” He laughed, going to the kitchen. “Did you know that I met A-Cheng when I was thirteen years old? And that he was a brother who is a danger to society?” He started saying, gathering up everything he needed to make breakfast. “Don’t get me wrong, Curió, Wei-xiong is a sweetheart but he is a feral trash child too and he is so dense. Oh gods, he is so dense that he could bend a knife if anyone ever tried to cut it.” He put a pan on the cooker, chuckling to himself. “And he thinks that Lan Zhan doesn’t like him back. Lan Zhan! The gayest gay I know! But they are coming together and I think they will start dating before the end of the year.” Huaisang said, hearing a flutter of wings. “Coming.” He said, turning the cooker off to go see her. She had already finished eating and was looking expectantly at him, waiting for him to bring her to the kitchen. 

 “I’m sorry for letting you here, sweetheart.” Nie Huaisang said, smiling at her as he brought the cage to the kitchen with him. "As I was saying, they will start dating at the end of the year if Lan Zhan makes the first move. Either than that we are going to see those two idiots dancing around each other, trying to see if the other likes them just as much." He rolled his eyes, deep frying some fish sticks. Curió chirped besides him, jumping away from the cooker. "I know, I know, I don't like deep frying either." He started humming an old song that his mother used to sing to him when she was happy. Soon, Curió joined in, singing her own version of the song and making Nie Huaisang chuckle on his song. 

  "You know, A-Cheng is as dense as his brother, if not worse than him. Did you see how obvious he is to other people's feelings? It's almost painful to watch!" Nie Huaisang said, putting the table. "Yes, I know I'm one of those people, but no one needs to know that there's people dying over here." 

  "Who is dying?" Jiang Cheng asked, opening the door, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. 

  "People, A-Cheng. All over the world." He improvised, letting go of the plate he was holding quickly. 

  "Thought it was someone in your family for you to be awake at this hour." He looked at his phone, checking the hours. "Why the hell are you up?" 

  "I woke up and thought it was good to make breakfast for us.” He showed his tongue to him, turning to the kitchen. "Go take a bath so we can eat." He waved at him. They eat in relative silence, talking about Curió and what was going to happen in the rest of the day while Curió sang her little songs. 

  "So, she is better? She is going back to your house?" Jiang Cheng asked, finishing washing the dishes. 

  "Yeah. One last appointment to the veterinary and she is all good to go. I mean, if she is alright, you know." Nie Huaisang nodded, sipping from his hand-painted cup.

  "Never thought of letting her stay here?" He suggested, eyebrows furrowed as washing his hands. 

  "Never thought of keeping her away from her children." He chuckled, shrugging. "She has to have someone to boss around, A-Cheng." 

  "Just like you." He retorted, rolling his eyes at him. "Don't forget to tell me what happened in the appointment, yeah?"

  "Don't even worry about it." He said, nodding again as his roommate passed by him. In the end, Curió was fine and ready to go back to her home and her babies. Both Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang headed back to Qinghe with Curió and were happy when they saw her flying to join the other birds on the Nie' s terrarium. 

  "So, that 's it. She 's back. Want ice cream?" Nie Huaisang turned to him, hands on his pockets, at the same time Jiang Cheng said. 

  "Can we come visit them?" 

  "Yeah, A-Cheng, we can come visit them." He smiled, open and bright. 

  “Can I kiss you?” He asked quickly as if not to lose his courage. Instead of answering, Nie Huaisang threw himself at him, arms hugging his neck as they kissed. It was chaste, sweet and not near a proper kiss as Nie Huaisang couldn’t stop smiling. “What about that ice cream?”

  “You are paying.” He laughed, pulling him out of the terrarium, still smiling wide and soon Jiang Cheng too was smiling and blushing. Later none of them quite believed that it took poor Curió to bring them together, having both of them parenting her the way she parented the other birds. So, yeah, both of them loved that sassy bossy bird they had. 

#sangcheng #nie huaisang #jiang cheng #nie mingjue #sangchengber #sangchengmonth2020 #sangcheng month #getting together #because a bird played matchmaker

[riceccakes]

Earth, Wind, and Coffee: Chapter Three Analysis

chapter one analysis | chapter two analysis

back again for another chapter analysis. i think ive been looking forward to this chapter the most, it’s where some big decisions were made!!! this analysis is a long one, i hope that’s all right! i kinda got carried away. so, let’s dive right in, shall we?

some fun stuff before we start!

chapter three was supposed to be the last chapter of the fic

idk if any of you were there when i first started writing this fic, but it was only going to be three chapters with a possible epilogue. however, everything changed when i finished the end of chapter two. (lil atla reference there for ya) (sorry i know that was bad, moving on). like i said in my last analysis, i had an idea of what i wanted to happen (the separation of korrasami) so that they could come back together. it was just a matter of what separates them. so, i’m not sure where i got the panic attack idea but once i did, the rest of the story changed. i realized i couldn’t quite possibly finish the story in one chapter so i split the ideas i had and decided on it being four chapters

now, this being said, maaaaajor changes were made in my story outline. most notably: korrasami was going to be a couple in this chapter

this was originally going to be a full fledged “they meet, they get to know each other, they fall in love, happily every after” but the thing was, i planned on treating their romance as korra’s recovery; that being with asami is what made korra better, that all she needed was a partner, someone to love, and that is not what i wanted to portray with this story. i’ve never been a fan of stories that give a character a love interest and all of sudden their problems are fixed and they’re completely happy, and here i was about to do just that. i knew i’d never respect myself if i continued down this narrative, and when chapter two ended with korra’s panic attack, i realized her growth needed better love and attention. so, i changed what happened and gave her some therapy

this change in the storyline also let me explore more of kuvopal !!! (is that their ship name?)

so, back to LOVE WITCH for a second (because that glorious fic really did steal my heart) not only did it make me love kuvira’s character more, it also got me into the kuvopal relationship! and yet again, i wanted my own go at it. with the original timeline, there was just no space for me to include the lil bread crumbs of their relationship. however, however, however; by splitting the ending between two chapters (and adding some stuff in between) i was able to lay some foundation for them, which im very happy about :)

into the chapter we go:

let’s talk about the meeting! the whole reason this fic came to be! i’ll start by saying i always knew the project was going to get pulled out from under asami. 1) because thats some angsty/hurt shit right there and im a sucker for writing angst 2) i didn’t feel like creating a whole ass presentation because knowing my ass i would’ve made a powerpoint about it so i had every detail down to the font asami used and 3) getting the presentation taken away from asami was a pivotal point in her character arc.

i actually started the chapter in two different ways. at first, i’d written her whole entire morning with there always being one thing that was off. like, instead of a perfect omelette, it was going to split and asami would’ve had a scramble, still good, but not her favorite. instead of going through all green lights on her way to work, asami was gonna meet every. single. red. light. i would’ve gone through with this if it hadn’t felt strange; i wanted to give the impression that something bad was going to happen but i felt like having something go wrong with every thing in her morning was gonna be a dead give away that some even bigger big bad was about to happen, if that makes sense. so instead, i went with the picture perfect scenario, almost too perfect, if you ask me. and indeed, it was too perfect, because hiroshi was too much of a coward to tell his daughter any sooner that his board agreed to get a new presenter

im just gonna cite a bunch of my favorite lines/bits from this chapter because i really enjoyed writing it xD

Iroh has already begun but Asami hears no words, only a blaring ring in her ears. Her face feels hot and she wonders how red she is. She stares at the black binder, notes the natural grooves and curves of the material, the plastic covering over top of it, the metal spine peaking out at the bottom. She’s only brought out of it’s dark trance when she feels a hand be placed on her arm; Kuvira. 

when you’re upset, do you ever just, hyper focus on one thing and its like you’re analyzing it under a microscope for the first time? yes? no? well, i do that, and personally, i do because if i focus on my anger/hurt emotions any more, im going to explode and i dont want to explode. so, this instance about looking at the grooves in the binder and each of the components of it just hits with me, idk if does with you too, but like bruuh.

Asami has her hand over her mouth, silently sobbing, feeling as if she’ll throw up. She leans her head on her wheel, her mind wanders to what could’ve been, what should’ve been. She feels as if her car is closing in on her, that the metal is compacting. The seatbelt keeps her locked down to the driver’s seat and she can’t leave if she wants to. The Satomobile holds her hostage and she lets it. Even while it’s hurting her, even while it’s harshly molding itself onto her, she stays at her father’s heel because, what else is she to do?

this is one of my favorite things ive ever done with asami’s character, is using future industries/satomobiles as a sort of vehicle (heh) for her relationship with her dad. this paragraph just kind of hurts, but the good hurt? but also not good hurt? it’s just, (and not me over here boasting about my writing or anything) it’s so poetic that she has this breakdown and she’s so upset with her dad, i mean “what should’ve been” like, asami KNOWS that the shit that’s just happened is more than wrong, yet asami is still somehow wondering how she can please her dad and it’s in the literal legacy hiroshi built for himself. “she stays at her father’s heel because, what else is she to do?” i remember writing that and being like “shit, am i really gonna do this? yeah” ugh, i could go on forever about how i love this section, but i’ll stop here for now.

Asami begins yelling, screaming at the top of her lungs, letting all the thoughts, all the insecurities her father gave her finally be released into the world. Kuvira lets her, simply nodding and following along on the couch while Asami paces her living room. She spews out word after word, about the work, about the presentation, about Iroh, his position, her position, the company, the CEO, and she only stops when she feels the weight of her father rest on her shoulders.

back with more diction; i really love this paragraph because of how we circle back to hiroshi. note how i first say “the CEO” and then a few words later say “her father” because, in a way, this is asami’s confession that hiroshi is CEO first and father second, if i haven’t already explicitly said so. it’s so heart wrenching and sad but my favorite thing about it is this isn’t even about korra. like THIS right here is a prime example about how i realized this fic became more than just a love story. in the planning stages of this fic, asami was going to go through getting the presentation taken away from her, but what was she going to focus more on? the fact that korra wasn’t around anymore. and yes, asami still does think about korra after this, but so much more happens for her. asami gets to know kuvira more, asami gets to know her lab partners more, (and my personal hc is that they’ve all been lab partners for two years and only NOW asami is getting to be friends with them in their senior year, but hey, better late than never!) and to me, what’s even better, is that a bunch of realizations come to asami w/o korra being there. asami is growing and the idea of being able to grow without needing to have a partner in order to grow is so important to me, not only for the fact that growth should be endless and something you do all the time for yourself, but asami literally wants to share it with korra. not boast about changing and growing and becoming better, but just be better with korra. sdlfakds i swear, im fangirling over my own writing, oops

okay, moving on from The Meeting and onto the rest of the chapter

this dock scene was also another part i wrote beforehand and it had a completely different ending in that asami was going to ask korra out on a date. of course, korra would’ve said yes, and then yay yay happy ending. this didn’t happen and i’m glad it didn’t. in one version of this dock scene, asami was actually going to be upset with korra for disappearing, and even worse, mad that korra wasn’t there to comfort her after the presentation. oof, i know. so so glad i didn’t continue down that line, cause it is toxic, and my girls aren’t like that at all.

Once Korra’s eyes meet hers, Asami says, “That doesn’t mean you always have to be on your own.” She smiles at Korra, at the girl who’s turned her world upside down. Her hand remains on Korra’s cheek and she feels the girl sink into her palm. “I’ll be here for you, and it seems like Tenzin will be too, what with saying he was calling you more. And you have his family, and your own family, even though they’re away, they’re here to support you, we all are. You can still be strong and turn to other people for help. It takes great strength to ask for help and I know for a fact you’re strong enough, those bags of coffee beans were nothing for you.”

i like this line of dialogue here for a few reasons, mostly because asami is so soft and so right and the joke at the really helped lighten the mood but didn’t take away from what she’d just said before. i don’t have too much else about the Reunions section, though if you guys have any questions or anything you wanna point out, please do so! i think what i will say is that i tried to be as real and gentle with korra’s progression. i was so nitpicky about everything i wrote because i didn’t want to get any of it wrong or over dramatized or fake. recovery from anything is so important and it takes time and it’s not a straight line so i hope i did a good job with it the rest of the fic. 

moving on, i love the found family trope and this leads me into the next section, New Friends

when i think about this section, i like how soft it is, and i really enjoy the ending bits: korra recounting memories from the south, asami meeting tenzin. i think what i like about the end of this chapter is that, it kind of leaves the question: what’s next?

asami has grown, she’s changed, she sees the errors of her father’s ways but she’s not excusing them. korra has grown, she’s changing, she’s taken the first step in recovery. now it’s just a matter of, what happens with this growth now. and i really loved how i wrapped up the fic in the next and last chapter, so i hope you enjoy it too :))

honorable mentions:

there were a lot of changes in this chapter and one of them got changed twice! korra was gonna get a therapist but then i was like, we gotta get the krew together, and then i was like supppppoorttttt grouuuppppp, because lets be honest, all the krew has stuff they need to work through, and i know therapy isn’t for everyone, but mental health is so vital and important. asami is an advocate for therapy in the chapter but there are also other means to take care of yourself and your mental health and while i’ve never been to a support group, i understand finding comfort in knowing you’re not alone.

i guess what i’m trying to say is please take care of yourself and dont be afraid to lean on others. i know not everyone has the means to get a therapist/psychiatrist and i know that your friends aren’t made to only be your therapist. buuuut, don’t be afraid to reach out, there’s nothing wrong with needing help and support :)

anything i would’ve wanted to change?

honestly, i think the only thing i would’ve wanted to change was mako’s speech during the support group meeting. for me, it was a lil bit too poetically out of character. not to say i want to change the content, but rather the manner in which it’s presented. other than that though, i really loved writing this chapter :)

so this analysis was reeeaaaalllly long, i understand if not everyone made it to end. anyways, thanks so much for reading this analysis and the fic! once again, i’m very much open to questions and any comments, i love them very much! i’ll see you guys in the next analysis of the final chapter :)

#ricewrites #earth wind and coffee #coffee shop au #chapter analysis #writing analysis #korrasami #korrasami fic #korra #asami sato #lok

[citizensmth]

So... what comes next?

Regardless of your political allegiances or personal feelings about Donald Trump, it is a national security concern when the president is ill. To make matters worse, the White House isn’t exactly being transparent. At times they seem more concerned with projecting a certain image than providing a timely, precise assessment of the situation. It is also a significant national security threat when a huge chunk of the senior Executive Branch, unknown numbers of White House staff, and a growing cluster of US Congressman are under quarantine or sick. It’s never good to have a government in quarantine. 

So on that note, I’ve seen a lot of discussion on what happens in the event that a President or presidential candidate is incapacitated from COVID or dies during an election. I love a good thought experiment so let’s break this down. This is all based on my best understanding of current rules/regulations/precedence/ect. I try my best to be accurate but I’m only human and not a lawyer. Opinions and speculations are strictly my own. 

Scenario 1: President is alive but incapacitated or unable to continue serving as President until he recovers.

So the basic idea of having a VP as a spare in case the president dies is pretty simple. In practice however, the transfer of power in the original constitution is pretty vague outside of the president suddenly dropping dead in the middle of a term. The 25th amendment was adopted a few years after the Kennedy assassination to address some of these grey areas. Fun fact, the 25th amendment contains the only means of forcefully removing a president from office other than impeachment (section 4 of the 25th amendment).

Ok, so back to our scenario. If Trump is incapacitated (say, on a ventilator) or is too unwell to continue serving, the 25th amendment can be invoked to temporarily transfer power to Vice President Pence. This can be done 2 ways. First, Trump can declare in writing that he is unable to discharge his duties (section 3, 25th amendment) and transfer power temporarily to Pence. Presidents actually invoke section 3 pretty routinely if they know they will be unavailable for a time such as undergoing a medical procedure. Trump remains in office as president but Pence becomes ‘acting president’ for the time being. Second, the Cabinet can strip Trump of his power if they believe he is unfit but he refuses to turn over power to Pence (section 4, 25th amendment). Section 4 has never before been invoked but it exists as an option. 

In terms of the election, the ticket would be unchanged. A vote for Trump-Pence is still a vote for Trump-Pence. Trump is still president and Pence is only a temporary ‘acting president’. The assumption is that Trump would eventually resume his duties and his place at the top of the Republican ticket.

Scenario 2: A president running for re-election dies before the election

So if Trump dies before the election, Pence would immediately be sworn in as President. Since that would then make him the sitting president during an election year, precedence says he is automatically the GOP nominee. This close to the election, it is too late to officially withdraw a candidate and re-submit another one. Even if you could still replace a candidate, there isn’t time to re-print ballots. But since he was part of the original ticket on the ballot, I don’t see this being an issue or a source of confusion. I imagine votes already cast for Trump-Pence will simply count towards Pence alone. It is unclear how this will impact the electoral college. Likely, the votes will be allocated as normal to the Trump-Pence ticket, with Pence officially becoming President elect instead of Vice President elect once the vote is certified. The Speaker of the House is next in line should something happen to him while he does not have a VP. Assuming he wins, I speculate he would vet and select a VP for his administration before inauguration. But until there is a VP to serve under him, Speaker of the House remains next in line. A presidential candidate has never died so close to an election. 

Scenario 3: A presidential candidate dies before the election

If a candidate dies after the primary, I believe RNC and DNC rules state that the leadership meets to vote on a replacement. However, this close to an election, it  is past the deadline to officially withdraw a candidate from the ballot and re-submit another candidate. Even if that were not the case, it is too late to-reprint ballots. My best guess is that the VP pick would become the top of the ticket, similar to scenario 2. This seems like the easiest thing to do. It does not require withdrawing the ticket and it minimizes confusion at the polls. It is unclear if this would create headaches for the electoral collage. I imagine electoral college votes would likely go to a Biden-Harris ticket as normal with Harris officially becoming President elect instead of Vice President elect once the vote is certified. In Congress there is also the practice of ‘widow’s succession’ where a spouse steps up to fill the void left by a Congressman’s death until the next election or until a special election can be held. This practice was actually pretty common in the early 20th century. Senators can be replaced by a Governor’s appointment, a president can be replaced by a VP. But Congressmen, who serve short 2 year terms, have no replacement strategy so widows succession made some amount of sense to prevent political infighting and ensure a smooth transition after a death. I highly doubt widow’s succession will ever be invoked or even suggested if something happens to Biden, especially with such a capable VP pick ready and able to step up on the ticket. 

Scenario 4: A candidate dies after the election but before electoral college meets and the vote is certified

This scenario creates the most headaches. The rules are most murky during this scenario and things will likely get very, very messy. Elections are run by individual states and states have different rules impacting how electoral college votes must be allocated. At present, some states require that electors vote for the candidate that won the popular vote in that state. Some states don’t explicitly bind electors to the winner of the state popular vote but impose penalties on so called ‘faithless electors’. Some states have no laws on the books and voting for the winner of the state popular vote is merely precedence. In general faithless electors are not very common. There actually HAS been a candidate death between Election Day and the electoral college. In 1872, Democrat Horace Greeley (ran against President Grant) died before the electoral college met. 63 of his 66 electors voted for other people. Unfortunately, things are not as simple in 2020 as they were in 1872. There is a question about whether or not certain electors will be unbound if the candidates to which they are pledged dies before the collage meets. The courts will almost certainly have to get involved and possibly the House of Representatives. The 20th amendment of the Constitution mandates that a president MUST begin their term on January 20 and if the electoral collage remains inconclusive, the Constitution (via the 12th amendment I believe) leaves it up to the House of Representative to hold a contingent election and vote on a winner (I think the Senate votes on a VP). The House HAS previously decided an election. In 1824, neither John Quincy Adams nor Andrew Jackson secured a majority of the electoral college (there were 4 candidates that year). The matter went to the House which voted for Adams to become President. Should the election end up in the House of Representatives, the Democrats have the majority. Since someone MUST be seated as President on inauguration day (Jan 20), I am not 100% sure what happens if the election remains a total mess and the House is hopelessly deadlocked. I think under the 20th amendment, the Vice President elect becomes acting President until the matter is resolved. If there is no Vice President elect, then the Presidential Succession Act states the Speaker of the House becomes acting president. 

Scenario 5: President-elect dies before inauguration but after the election is certified. 

This one is actually pretty easy. In this scenario, the Vice President elect becomes the president elect and is sworn in on inauguration day. This is covered by the 20th amendment. 

Whew! Well, that was quite a thought experiment. If I write any more it will be the beginnings of a book. That ends my civics discussion for the day. 

#civics #civics lesson #democracy #us constitution #25th amendment #2020 election #presidency #trump news #trump has covid #trump has coronavirus #2020 presidential race #2020 presidential campaign #2020 presidential voting #bidenharris2020 #joe biden #kamala harris #bidenforpresident #us politics #covid #covid 19 #coronavirus

[trackerhunter995]

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Well as I am almost done with the original track update, someone on this forum sent me 2 tracks asking to take a look at them. They are basically broken and useless for now. I got to thinking, maybe just MAYBE I can take my track editing to another level. I want to try and fix the 'broken' tracks of NR2003. So i wanted to see if you guys could send me tracks via links on this thread. Maybe this can bring some of the other nr2003 players back to this community or even new people to the game. I'm not sure, but I would like to try and fix these tracks! Not sure when or even if I can fix them but I am willing to try over time. Also, tracks that need graphics updates or mips and such might be last on my list. I've been wanting to learn how to do all of that and I have somewhat of an idea not am not experienced with that yet. So with that being said send me any links you have! The message I received was for Melbourne. So i am working on that track and it is a pain! Haha.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I haven’t blogged in months. It should be expected by now, lol. There’s been a ton of things that’s happened since my last blog, much too many to write about here. Basically in the end, a bunch of things went down, none of it really bad, and I just neglected the blog for a while, and I’ll end up neglecting it again. But as the title of this post suggests, I’m slowly returning to my old ways. What does that actually mean to anyone that reads this? Well, let me think here…

I’m a fan of the racing sim NASCAR Racing: 2003 Season (NR2003), this blog was intended to showcase work I do for the game, provide me a private space to share files, and allow me to blog any ongoing projects. Instead I kinda posted a lot of stuff on other topics, which I’m sure I’ll do in the future as well, but hopefully not as much. So with that said, I’ve been working on a project that is mainly intended for NR2003, but anyone can enjoy this one. I’ve been making some new Sprint Cup Series models. It’s a big project for me, 5 makes in total. I just got tired of not having something that was much more accurate to the real cars to play with. Originally I wanted to get back into painting a few cool cars I seen from the 2016 NASCAR season, and I found out the models we had, just were not accurate. It forced me to change the scheme a bit, much of which was a pain because it really was quite a intricate paint job. so much of what I recreated after using photos for reference didn’t fit on the model. This was the reason why I quit painting cars in the first place. So instead of doing a half-ass conversion and ruining the original artist’s interpretation, I decided I’d just go ahead and make my own damn model. I made the Chevy SS and was just gonna leave it at that, but I had a lot of fun that I haven’t had in a long while so I decided to make even more models. In the end, I made 5 models total, the 2016 Chevy SS, 2016 Dodge Charger, 2016 Ford Fusion, 2016 Toyota Camry, and even the 2018 Toyota Camry. The models were a blast to make, especially the Charger. Seeing Dodge pulled out of NASCAR a few years back, I had freedom to kinda freestyle how I think it would look in NASCAR trim. And I feel I nailed the look. Even if I didn’t, the model looks bad ass nonetheless.

You can’t be a NASCAR fan and not love the looks of that, lol. So far, the bodies are complete, the mapping is mainly complete, though I might have to add a couple of things before release, and I’m almost done with the chassis and interior for the Chevy. These models, once finished, will be posted online for all to enjoy. I will be including the models (3ds Max 2009, 8 formats and obj), textures, and whatever else is required. They will be free to use for non-commercial use only, so you can use them in other games, apps, or whatever as long as you’re not profiting from them in any way, shape, or form. And you can bet your ass, they work in NR2003, I’ve already tested them in there. I did this once before with the Xfinity Series cars. only difference is they did not have any textures, it was just the bodies, rollcage, and wheels. In fact, here’s the link if anyone wants them…

These weren’t perfectly modeled, but they’re pretty damn good. In fact, I’ve actually started updating the models a little because I came across some reference to help make them way more accurate. But I won’t be able to get to them all till a while after I’m done with the Sprint Cup Series models.

Almost Done With Darlingtongames123 Nr2003 Designs For Beginners

Almost Done With Darlingtongames123 Nr2003 Designs Free

So for now, this is what I’ve been doing with my time. I’ve returned to my NR2003 roots, and man I can’t wait till this project is finished and people can get a up close and personal look at these models. I hope people get to enjoy them as much as I enjoyed making them. Catch ya’s later. 🙂

[suspiriu-m]

About Me

Hello! My name is Sal and welcome to my blog, Suspirium! Suspirium is a word that originates from one of my favorite movies, Luca Guadagnino’s 2019 remake of Dario Argento’s classic italian horror movie Suspiria. According to World of Dictionary, Suspirium is a Latin word meaning “Deep breath, sigh”. It’s also the title of one of my favorite songs from the soundtrack to the movie produced by Thom Yorke of Radiohead. I’m a huge horror movie buff so expect to see a lot of that sort of content on my blog if I can incorporate it into any of my work. I chose this as the title of my blog because of how well the word fits into the movie, and I just love the way it sounds. Anybody who’s watched the movie will understand, but I won’t go into detail as to not spoil it for anybody who hasn’t yet seen it.

Throughout my highschool years I technically went to two schools. My main and home school was Middletown High School, and my secondary school was Orange Ulster Boces in Florida New York. In high school I was always in media production and art classes. For example, photography, video editing, drawing & painting classes and my favorite was an Elements of Horror class I took my senior year. Horror being my favorite genre, I absolutely had to take a class that’s dove into the origins of classic horror novels, films and short stories. Leading to me finding my favorite classic horror story Dracula by Bram Stoker, and a multitude of stories by H.P. Lovecraft. Continuing on now to college i’m now majoring in Media Production while also still taking some classes in Marketing and Design! I really enjoy both a lot so it’s hard to kind of pick exactly which I want to do, but it’s nice knowing that no matter what path I finally choose I'll still have some experience in the other!

Aside from my education, I love to watch horror movies and read stories in my own free time. Movies in general are a huge hobby of mine and I watch at least 3-4 a week given I have the time. Some of my favaroties of all time concerning classics have got to be the Halloween series, The Evil Dead series and all four of the Scream movies. Other hobbies of mine that take up a huge part of my life and time are video games and music. I have a pretty big record collection that’s continuously growing with at least 80-90 albums and counting. I just recently purchased a few more to add being Sade’s Diamond Life, Whitney Houston’s Whitney and Whitney Houston albums, Lazaretto by Jack White, Texas Sun by Khruangbin & Leon Bridges and Petals for Armor by Hayley Williams. Hopefully my next additions will be What’s Your Pleasure? by Jessie Ware and The Baby by Samia. I’ve been collecting them for years, but especially now since even CD’s are starting to go out of style. I’m the kind of person who still likes to have physical copies of all my music and movies and games so having such big collection is super special to me.

In terms of video games, I try and play as wide of a variety that I can because I believe I can find something I like in any genre. Strategy, shooters, brawlers, online competitive games etc, but I think my favorite style of game is single-player, narrative driven experiences. Most recently I played The Last of Us Part II and was absolutely enthralled with it. I loved the first game so much so getting a sequel was something I was extremely grateful for. I don’t think video games get enough credit for what they do for storytelling. TLOU 1 and 2 are some of my favorite stories that I have experienced in any form of media. The heartbreak, pain, love, fear and excitement those games have succeeded in giving me while just sitting in front of my TV is something no other form of entertainment has brought me. Some of the most touching moments, but also the most excruciating. They also had a queer women front and center throughout the games which is something that isn’t very common in video games so seeing that was really nice to me. Other than The Last of Us, some other solid narrative driven games I’ve played are God of War, Uncharted 1-4, Marvel’s Spider-Man, The Tomb Raider Reboots, Ghost of Tsushima, the Batman Arkham series and Control.

Although story based games are my favorites that doesn’t mean I don’t have a place in my heart for some good old fashioned fun as well! I also really enjoy a lot of the Super Mario and Legend of Zelda games as well. My biggest pet peeve that I have with the gaming industry right now though is Fortnite. I think it’s literally the most annoying game ever created. People spend hundreds and thousands of dollars just to buy skins and weapon packs and I think it’s absolutely ridiculous. The fact that I work at a major video game retailer and constantly have kids running through my store screaming about the damn game at least once a day could also contribute to my hatred. Either way, I want no part and absolutely nothing to do with it.

Going back to queer representation though. I recently watched Pose over the summer. Not only was the show heavily based during the AIDS epidemic in New York City, almost the entirety of the main cast was comprised of Transgender Black women. On prime time television! This is the first show to ever achieve such a feat. Not only was the cast extremely talented, I thought the writing and production of the show as a whole was brilliant. It definitely has its flaws and I could point out a few of them, but I believe all of the good of the show far outweighs the bad. It’s not afraid to tackle extremely real and difficult subjects the Transgender and Black communities have faced in this country and all over the world. It’s so important to see content like this on television as well because EVERYBODY deserves representation. Not only was the cast Trans, but one of the lead writers of the series Janet Mock is also a Black Trans woman! Pose was filled with heartfelt moments that truly had me sobbing in my bed as I watched. I think I actually cried at pretty much every single episode for both seasons. The cast is brilliant, the realism and talent and star power they bring to the show is like nothing that I’ve ever seen before and I’m so glad to be able to see them up on my television. I so badly one day hope that I can be behind the scenes of producing a show of this caliber some day.

While I have yet to help in the production of a show like this, I have had my fair share of of making short films, music videos and even assisting on a friend of mine’s first full length movie that he submitted to festivals. Last year, I had the opportunity to shoot a short horror film with my classmates for our final project. The film was based around a young woman getting trapped at her school in the middle of a blizzard, and slowly beginning to realize that she may not be alone. In a fight for her life, she has to survive till morning while going up against a mysterious killer who lurks the halls of her small town college. Sadly, we didn’t have enough time to produce a full and finalized cut of the film but coming together and working with a few other classmates was still a really fun experience. Not only was I able to play the role of the killer, I aided in audio, music selection, location scouting, props department, shot planning and writing the movie and it was a great time. I also had the pleasure of helping out my friend Matt Vincini in shooting his short film The Cattle Farmer. A horror/thriller film about a boy who is adopted into a family, only to realize that his life might have been planned from the start. It featured a mysterious woodland family who may or may not have had cannibalistic tendencies that included their adopted children. It was a super cool experience to be on a set with a bunch of actors and seeing my friend in action in the role of director. Collaborating on projects like this with friends is always a fun time, even it does get stressful at some points. At one point in the film, one of the characters realizes that the dinner he is currently eating could quite possible be his last meal ever. Which kinda let me to thinking what my last meal would be. After some thinking, I think i’d definitely have to choose my families homemade pasta and meatballs. I know, pretty stereotypical for an Italian family but it’s just so good. We make our own sauce every september and it’s a huge family event. Everybody comes together and one of our houses and it’s literally a whole days worth of work. The best part? At the end of the night, we all have a huge feast and make pasta and meatballs with all of the sauce we just made. It’s one of my favorite things to do with my family and always one of my favorite meals. Not only is it delicious, but also sentimental.

This is all for now! Thanks for stopping by my blog and reading a little bit about me. I could probably keep rambling on for hours but I don’t think that’s the smartest idea. I can’t wait to fill this blog with more content this year and hope to hear from you guys as well! Until then, i’ll be watching more movies and DEFINITELY playing some more games. At this point i’ve been playing the new Marvel’s Avengers video game so, let me get back to kicking some AIM ass!

[sanders-sides-rebloger]

Sleep and Stress

Part 1

TW: Slight angst, mentions of bullying, stress, overworking oneself

Word count: 2860

Summary: Thomas has a big project to finish over the weekend. He’s stressed about it and loses sleep over it, determined to finish it no matter what. Remy lectures him about the importance of self care sleeping properly. Except... Anxiety is taking the wheel this time.

A/N: Inspired by real events that happened to me! Yep, ya girl got stress ridden, once, over a hw assignment and now here is where it lead. Some sweet sweet content. I’d say it was worth it for the amount of time itd been my wips folder. The intro sucks but I promise it gets better

In this world people have always had their own personas with them. Specifically they are two beings from a persons mindset that can appear in the real world physically.

In these categories, Anxiety can be placed almost anywhere in the combinations. Depending on someone's personality, that anxious trait is usually paired with The Left Brain or the Right Brain, or in some cases, Morale and Logic.

Many historians and scientists theorize their origins in many ways. It was already proven they weren’t biologically transferred from parents. A famous article on google talked about how a married couple by the names of Martha and Alan who’ve had their own personas. As their child grew they didn’t show any signs of having aspects of their own, and they didn’t.

Below that were many links to interviews with famous political leaders, scientists, and more about the subject. It of course leads to the topic of religion, in some comments and topics that just became all controversial and too confusing.

“They always take the exact form of their host with a few minor differences.” One article said. ”They dress differently based on what they represent, though their voices are alike it can vary based on tone and attitude. It makes them appear to be slightly separate. And they can also talk to their host from inside their head, either it’s for reminders or a plain conversation.”

“The type of personas that rises from someone can vary. They always come in pairs. The most common ones are Anxiety, the Left and Right Brain, the Brain and Heart, Morale and Logic. There are other aspects outside of this spectrum such as Creativity that can form, but those are very rare and is more directed towards someone’s personality.”

“When a persona sinks down, they go into the ‘mindscape’ or an alternate plane of reality that exists inside of the hosts head.“

“Since they don’t appear and disappear out of thin air, they need a place to live in order to maintain their half human functions. That’s why they have rooms each of them go to for the host to enhance that part of themselves, including a space for that persona to reside in. It’s sort of like the mindscape is a living area in the conscious level of the mind, where memories and stored knowledge is retained.”

“It's like a Mind Palace.” Someone once said.

~~~

This leads us to Thomas Sanders, a senior in high school. He’s apart of that spectrum in which he too has personas of his own, Anxiety and Sleep.

For him, Anxiety appears when Thomas is going through something stressful. Often they talk together about certain situations that depend on the outcome, even if the reason is outright ridiculous. When it’s in public he usually summons him when he’s around a fair amount of people who also have their personas out with them, not wanting to look like the odd one out.

Sleep on the other hand..is an odd subject for him. When he grew up Sleep was the first to form during Thomas’ development and soon after, reveal himself. So he didn’t question him at first.

In middle school going into high school, students would make fun of him for being different. Thomas didn’t know what was different- he had personas just like everyone else so what made him so special? He was confused at first until he was able to see the bigger picture. He was one of the biggest targets the bullies chose as their prey and teased him over and over about it.

All because he had Sleep.

“What was Sleep? Why does it exist?” And so many other inappropriate comments. Thomas felt sick of it.

Of course when he told the staff about it, it shut them up for a while. His parents wanted to be more safe than sorry so he moved to a different school. Thomas agreed to himself that he would not show anyone publicly that he was different in any way, no matter how normal it may be for other students.

He met Joan and Talyn there. They never left him alone after quickly noticing how new he was with his closed off demeanor and shy attitude. They both really brought him out of his shell.

After becoming closer with the two he showed them eventually and he was pleasantly surprised by the result of their reactions as well. He still never really shows Sleep or Anxiety around in school to this day for fear of being seen as the odd one out, and he was content with that.

Now that Thomas has grown up a few years, he felt confident that he could be himself when he’s out in public. No one had ever seen a Sleep aspect before so he was bound to get a few questioning looks from people who walk past him. Maybe a few people from school would notice him outside, but he was beginning to accept that risk.

Besides, Joan and Talyn would make anyone regret whoever decides to talk behind Thomas’ back. They’d make them regret it.

Thomas was currently in his room, sitting in his desk. It’s Friday afternoon and he has two days left to finish this unholy project. Granted, being a senior in high school is great and all, however, Thomas would’ve gotten his history project done sooner if he was paying closer attention.

The problem was that Thomas messed up on the size of the project, subsequently making each square too big to fit on the entire front side on a sheet of paper. Immediately filled with regret, he began to erase the entire thing and start all over. Thomas had the chance to get a second one after school (just in case), but he’s terrified of confrontation.

Actually walk up to the teacher and talk to them? No thanks, he can do this on his own.

It sounds easy enough, but looking through his textbook, drawing the characters, and basically almost everything about it was difficult for him. The man had good talent in singing and is a darn great actor, but art was not his forte. He even had to color his poor excuse for an art project to get extra points. And as much as he did not want to do that, he was going to push himself today, he was gonna pass this class even if it killed him.

He checks the clock on his computer, 6:15pm. He just started about two hours ago nonstop and he got some stuff done, four squares were complete.

“If I’m being honest with you, it looks pretty good so far, but I bet you could do more if you worked a little longer.” Anxiety rises up beside Thomas, looking over his work. His voice was deeper than his host’s.

Anxiety wore a black hoodie, gray lines tracing all over it in a plaid pattern, a black t-shirt that read ‘Anxiety’ in bold letters to represent who he is, and wore dark black eyeshadow under his eyes.

The senior gets up and stretches his muscles in his arms and legs. Being glued to a chair for nearly two hours wasn’t the best idea, but he was gonna have to get used to it for a while.

“Today’s the day I’m really gonna pull myself through, Anxiety. No backing down this time!” Thomas says, his voice laced with determination.

While some students in Thomas’ class were fortunate enough to receive help from either friends or family, he was one of the unlucky souls in the group who he didn’t have much access to help. Both his parents were out on a business trip for the weekend, and Thomas has the house all to himself.

Joan and Talyn…? Well he didn’t want to bother them. Petty excuse, he knows, but what was he supposed to tell them if he asks for help? Even considering the fact they weren’t in the same class as him, they may just lecture him on getting enough sleep and he wasn’t in the mood for that.

Anxiety tucks his hands into the pockets of his dark hoodie and raises an eyebrow. Thomas was known to be a procrastinator at times which led to his grades dropping a few times in the past.

He was currently on his bed, scrolling through social media. He notices Anxiety’s suspicious gaze and looks beside him.

“What?” The senior asks in confusion, clearly not taking the hint.

“Let me just get to the point.” He pulls out Thomas’ wheeled chair and sits on it with the back side pressing against his chest. “You have a C- in the class, which is basically a failing grade, and you only have two days left until it’s due by Monday. It would be a shame if all that hard work went to waste.” He says in a taunting tone.

“What are you suggesting?” Thomas crosses his arms.

The darkly dressed boy drops his facade. “Basically the more you get done, the faster you’ll finish. And I really don’t need to be working overtime the sooner that due date approaches.” He groans, Anxiety droops his head slightly and massages his fingers through his scalp.

“I’ll just take a fifteen to twenty minute break in between each session. I have it all planned out.” Thomas waved his hand nonchalantly.

Anxiety looks towards Thomas, his expression falls.

“I’m being serious this time Thomas. You can’t let this one slip. If you don’t put all your effort on this project and you don’t get enough points, then something else in the way is just gonna bring you down. Maybe even worse than this one, and the cycle will just continue. Do you really want that?”

Thomas didn’t answer. Sure, he had the whole weekend. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t stay up late to finish if he wanted.

He glances at his project with a rush of determination flooding his system. It’s worth 150 points. He can do this, he just needed a little push.

Anxiety stands from the chair and leans against the wall nearby to allow room for Thomas to sit. The man stares down at his work with pure annoyance and desperation.

“God, I hate doing this.” He groans out and lays his head on the table.

The darker trait leans his head back against the wall, looking up blankly at the ceiling as if it had all the ceiling as if it had all the answers.

“Look, I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, but the faster you get this done the better it is for the both of us.”

“No, no. You’re right Anx.” He lifts his head back up. “I need to keep working… Plus I can’t even sleep anyway.” Thomas reaches for his phone and checks the time, seven-forty pm. He didn’t even realize how much time had passed. “Wherever he is.” He says with a sigh.

Thomas spent a good amount of time on his paper. He finished his tenth panel and is lightly underlining notes in his textbook to summarize for the next one. However the longer time went on, the more frequent the senior found himself massaging the aching tension from his neck and back more often.

He decided to call it quits for the night. He got ready and the second his lights went off Thomas flops to his bed immediately. Muffled yells, into his pillow, can be heard as Sleep rises up beside the bed.

Instead of his usual thick leather jacket, he wore a thin black cover up, pajama pants, his everyday white shirt that read ‘Sleep’ in bold letters with a bed and sleepy emoji. Adding to his style, and his trademark sunglasses were resting on top of his head.

“It’s about time you show up.” Remy says in his usual sassy tone.

“You can’t blame me for having a lot on my mind right now.” He groans, laying on his back.

“Jeez, how long did that guy keep you up for?” Remy slips himself underneath the covers with Thomas, taking off his sunglasses and setting them on the dresser.

“You mean Anxiety?”

“Yeah, him, whatever.”

“If you must know, I spent about another few hours trying to finish this project while your sorry butt was out partying at that concert.” He crosses his arms under his neck, staring up at the ceiling with a mocking tone.

Seeing personas going out and about on the streets is pretty normal. It wasn’t uncommon to see some of them roaming the streets on their own with or without their hosts.

Though as Thomas grew up, he saw a few of his classmates, who had some reveal themselves in the real world, would get bullied at schools because of how different they are. People made awful rumors how they would take over the world one day, call them names like ‘clones,’ and how they think they’re better than everyone else.

It made him sick to his stomach, it got so bad to the point there used to be places specifically like schools or restaurants that would ban people, with aspects from those places. It was horrible and a thing from the past.

Going off topic, some even befriend one another and go out just like what normal people do. It’s usually not for long, since people would need them back at some point.

It also takes the phrase ‘having some time for yourself’ to a whole new level in Thomas’ case. There have been so many movies nights that turned into popcorn throwing fights he’s had to break up between Remy and Anxiety.

“It was a My Chemical Romance concert!” Remy exclaims, dramatically putting a hand over his chest before he shifted, making himself more comfortable under the covers. “Girl, you know I couldn’t resist.”

Remy though, is a whole different story. He can be a pain at times, staying out for ungodly hours of the night. He can be unpredictable. Though he wouldn’t overdo it, unlike the incident they had a few years ago. Being the embodiment of Thomas’ nightly routine of proper rest, he physically can't sleep without Remy.

So when he’s out, sipping tea with his friends, Thomas can’t summon him like he usually can. Well, he can but its like a phone call. You can hear it but it’s your choice whether you want to answer it or not. Remy chooses to deliberately go out on his own, so he will have to just wait until he comes back.

Anxiety would go out too if he wanted, but he chooses to mostly stay in his room. Only coming out when Thomas needs him and such, to which Remy replies with as, ‘boring’ or ‘being a party pooper’.

He doesn’t mean to deny Remy’s invites as being rude, but the places he goes sometimes are...questionable in Anxiety’s point of view. Not bad, just odd. He’s way too outgoing for the dark traits style and just hates the crowds overall. It’s not for him.

He stuck with Remy like a leech after ten seconds with the overly boisterous crowd. He didn’t try to talk to anyone and was pretty much third wheeling. He did eventually find a decent hiding spot to hide away and blend in a bit. Although, Anxiety wanted to leave so badly but didn’t for the sake of not looking rude.

After a few tries of Remy trying to get him to go out again, he stopped eventually and never asked again. It faulted their friendship a bit with the mix of arguing over what’s best for Thomas.

Moving on, Remy has to either sleep in his room in the mindscape or in bed with Thomas himself. That way, theyThey would be connected, that way, so for the man couldto actually rest. It wouldn’t make much of a difference if Remy wasn’t sleeping next to Thomas but he chooses to do so anyway. Maybe it’s about proper communication in the morning. Remy does lecture Thomas at times when he forces himself to stay awake, he doesn’t know.

Plus it’s kinda nice to have someone to wake up to in the morning. Self love and all that.

“Thanks for making me stay up late again.” Thomas says in a low tired voice. He rolls over to the side, facing away from Remy. A smirk soon forms on his face from a familiar memory, unable to resist. “Unlike last time, where I was up until two pm.”

Remy huffs out a sigh. “That was one time, alright? Anxiety practically ingrained that lecture into my head. Plus, at least you finished something amiright?”

“I mean, I guess-“ He starts off.

“Also, you were able to finish your work and I was able to get something checked off my bucket list. Staying up a little late, if you need to, isn’t that bad ya know.”

“Ok, yeah, I see what you mean. Now let me sleep. I’ll need it for tomorrow, G’night Rem.”

“Night Thomas.”

Thomas shifted to a more comfortable position and closed his eyes. Allowing the darkness of his room to consume him.

#remy sanders #sleep sanders #ts shorts #sanders shorts #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #anxiety sanders #my writings #reblogger posts #sanders sides

[ask-de-writer]

An excerpt from GONE TO SEA, a novel in progress

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to the World of Sea

CHILDREN’S PLAY

An excerpt from GONE TO SEA, a novel in progress

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

3688 words in this excerpt

© 2020 by Glen Ten-Eyck

All  rights reserved. This document may not be copied or distributed on or  to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express  written consent of the author.

//////////////

Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users    of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights. They may    reblog the story. They may use the characters or original characters  in   my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical    compositions. I will allow those who do commission art works to  charge   for their images.

All sorts of Fan Activity, fiction, art, cosplay, music or anything else is ACTIVELY encouraged!

///////////////////////

What Mecat told Kurin was basically true.  The fundamental discoveries of glue in Strong Skin was made by children wanting to make toys.  They even made some boats and some ships.  Over time, their arts got lost and Mecat had to show the scattered men on Sea how to do again what the children had learned.

The original colonists to Sea were all picked for being, among other criteria, quite bright.  Somehow, nobody paid attention to the fact that many bright people have bright children too.

When Adults get too busy, they often put the concerns of children last.  In an environment like Sea, that may be a mistake of sorts . . .

Chapter 04. Children at Play

As is the case everywhere that there are children, they play.  In some of their playing, they imitate their elders.  They also do another thing that children have done since the dawn of time.  Because the only toys that the adults thought to bring or make were educational, they raided the trash for fun things to play with.

Cora Halyn dug the pan out of the waste stream dumpster.  Grinning, she held it up for the others to see.  “What good is that?” asked Mikal Novotnoy.

Cora grinned some more and threw out several used twenty centimeter air filter disks made from the dried skin of the Strong's shark.  She said happily, “I was there when the cooks made this mess out of some Moreson's eels.  They tried to soak it out, scrape it and even chip it loose.  Since it melted once, I don't know why they didn't try to melt it again.  If it will melt, we can squish it into these disks and make Frisbees!”

Jason Torres asked her, “Did they chuck out any of the Shark's teeth or bones?”

Cora promptly dove back into the dumpster.  The sound of things shifting and thumping about followed.  Several large pieces of bone and some ten to fourteen centimeter long razor sharp and naturally serrated teeth cascaded out of the trash bin.  Cora vaulted out after them.

“Why did you want the teeth and bones, Jase?” she asked curiously.

Jason cut a finger as he gathered up the teeth and bones that Cora dug out for him.  He paused long enough to suck the cut a moment before commenting, “Those teeth are sharp!  I thought that it might be fun to try doing some scrimshaw with them.  Maybe even make my dad a present that he can use, like a paperweight or something.”

The children gathered up their booty of trash and went to the recycle center.  Mister Makle looked over what the children wanted and asked, “What do you want with the pan?  The rest is no problem but that pan is aluminum.  We can remelt it and make new things from it.”

Cora grinned and pointed out, “True, but we already get all of the new aluminum that we want by processing seawater.  What we really want is the goo in the pan.  I think that we can melt it and work it into the used filter disks.  If I am right we can make Frisbees out of them! Those eels are pretty common so we can make lots of toys like that if it works.”

Shrugging and smiling, Mister Makle signed a release for the children's salvage and said, “Be sure to let me know if that trick works!  I'd like a Frisbee too!”

The next day, Cora and the rest of her crowd brought Mister Makle a home-made Frisbee.

Cora proudly explained, “The goo by itself was way too brittle when it hardened in the disks.  We fixed that by mixing in some oil that we got by rendering the waxy stuff.  Now it is strong and somewhat flexible.  Here, try it!”  She expertly flipped the disk to him.

Mister Makle caught the disk with a delighted smile and did try it.  He flexed it some and then tossed the disk so that it bounced off a wall and examined it again.  He smiled even more as he said, “Keep me and the rest of the waste management and maintenance team in Frisbees and you can have anything that you want from the trash if it isn't dangerous.  OK?”

Jason grinned back and said, “Sounds easy enough.  There's lots of those used filter disks.  We have another idea that you might like.”

Interested, Mister Makle asked, “What is that?”

Seeing that there was an adult who wasn't too busy to pay attention, the assorted children of Cora's crowd gathered around and said, “Fishing! When we saw how tough that Strong's skin and eel goo is, we made a pole out of some of it.”

Mikal added, “We figured out that if you cut a big mussel loose and just set it in some seawater, it will put out the attachment foot to start making new holdfast strands.  We put a little chunk of bone near where the foot comes out.  As soon as it stuck the holdfast thread to the bone, we started to pull real gently.  We got over five meters of line from it.”

Mister Makle said, “I'd like to see that.  What are you going to use for a hook?”

Cora said, “We are going to try several things to see what works best. The dense bone from the Strong's shark will be the base for most of them.  A few will be carved out of shell from the mussels.  Got a piece of paper?  Mala'klea will sketch them up for you.  Her folks were in the Polynesian Back to the Ocean movement.  She's learned all sorts of neat stuff from them.”

Black haired little Mala'klea silently took a pen and began sketching quickly.  It only took a few moments for her to hand Mister Makle the paper with a half dozen different hook designs on it, complete with notes about materials and the glue applications where necessary.

While she was sketching Mister Makle asked Cora, “Doesn't she talk?”

Cora gave a half grin and replied, “Yes she does, when she has something to say.  It is worth listening when she does speak because it is always good.”

Mala'klea did suddenly look up at Cora with a smile and said, “We can overlap disks to make laminated planks.  We could make a sailing canoe from them.”  She fell silent again and took another sheet of paper.  

Her nearly flying pen sketched rapidly.  A simple dory built design for a long, deep keeled and moderately wide canoe-like boat took shape.  It had a large outrigger or secondary hull and a deck on struts between the main hull and the smaller one.

Mister Makle looked at the paper and commented, “Sweet design.  This is all done with equal angles for the ribs.  That will make the fabrication easy.  You kids will need a formal adult supervisor for a project this big.  How long do you actually plan to make it?”

Cora grinned in relief that their idea wasn't just being blown off by a man whose department was critical to building it.  She replied, “We thought that about twenty meters should make it safe from Strong's sharks and most of the other big fish that we know of.”

Mister Makle studied the drawing and sections seriously for a moment and said, “That will be way too large to manage easily with paddles. Will it have a sail?”

Cora agreed, “It will have two masts and three sails.  Mala'klea has that all figured out.  Her mom was the captain of the Mona Loa.  It was a sailing ship of the Polynesian Back to the Ocean Movement.”

Mister Makle grinned widely and said, “You do know that this boat is as big as the two ships that the station engineers are planning to build, don't you?”

“Sure we do,” Cora replied confidently.  “Size is a relative thing. Theirs will be wider and deeper in the hull and have two masts. Those round ships will be able to carry a lot more than our voyaging canoes and will have a longer range.  We figure that these will be way faster, though.”

Mister Makle asked, “Would you be willing to practice on a smaller boat or two using the same principles, just to test your ideas before you commit to building the big one?

“I know that the maintenance crew would be willing to do the supervision in their off time.  They want a chance to play about with boat building but the shipyard is being a real prat about it ever since Mister Angerson got put in charge.  This will be a big job because of all of the Moreson's eels that you will have to catch.  I can set the recycle folks to salvaging all of the filters that come through.”

Cora got a faraway look and then suggested, “That would be great.  We could use a test boat to catch the eels that we will need.  If everything works as well as it should, we could even help the maintenance team to make some boats for their own use.  

“I think that Pele Barant would be our best senior supervisor.  Not only is she Mala'klea's mom, she knows all about primitive tools and things because she was in the Polynesian Back to the Ocean movement. She's also a top flight mechanical engineer.”

Mister Makle promptly placed a call through his computer.  “Mrs. Barant, this is Mister Makle down in the Waste Management office.  Your daughter and some other children are down here.

“What? No.  There is nothing wrong.  In fact, I think that they want to do something very right.  It will need a senior supervisor who understands so-called primitive tools and materials.

“They told me that you were in the Polynesian Back to the Ocean movement on Earth and that you might make a good person to supervise their work. Oh, did I forget to say what it was?  They want to make a surprisingly large sailing canoe based on a Polynesian voyaging canoe.

“Yes, I thought that you might like to see how they plan to do it and the materials that they have found.  Recycle has turned up a few other native things that might be useful in the project as well.

“So, we will see you in a few minutes?  Excellent!  We will be waiting.”

He turned back to the children and told Mala'klea, “That really got your mother's attention.  Do you kids know that this is the first proposed project to use only things and materials from Sea?”

Cora grinned and held up one of the flying disks.  “Not quite.  We made these first.  To do them right we had to make a knife that would cut that Strong's shark skin.  It is really tough stuff.

“Jason, do you have those knives that you and Mala'klea made?  If you have them handy, we could show them to Mrs. Barant.  Mister Makle might like to see them, too.”

Mister Makle leaned back in his office chair and said, “I would like to see them.  My department got stuck with making those filter disks and you would not believe how fast that skin will dull a knife.  Thing is, Pele is on her way down.  Save the knives and show them to both of us at once.  She is the expert on things like this.”

Several of the maintenance crew came into the office.  One of the women exclaimed, “Boss!  How did you get Frisbees?  I applied to engineering to make us some for recreation and they turned their noses up at the job.  Said that they had more important tasks than toys!”

Mister Makle grinned and tousled Cora's hair as he replied, “They turned me down too, Molly.  The kids here made these out of old air filter disks and some sort of glue that they made out of Moreson's eels.  They work really great. Here, Molly, catch!”  He flipped a disk at the woman who had spoken.

Startled, Molly reflexively caught the disk.  She paused long enough to examine the disk carefully.  She said quietly, “This looks like it was press molded.  How did you guys make it?”

Cora smiled in delight at the recognition of their work and replied, “We made one that worked really well.  We used it to make a form that we do press them into.  All that we need to do is wax the form and our hands.  Then we work the glue into the disk and push it tightly into the form by hand.  It needs about twenty minutes to set up and then we can pop it out and make another.  That's about all that there is to it.”

Molly happily flipped the disk to another of her crew, even though the range was short.  It never got to him.  A small Black haired woman dived in from the door and caught the disk before he had a chance at it.  She bounced energetically off one of the office walls and stood, examining the disk intently.  She flexed it and said, “Here, Klea! Catch!”

The disk sailed across to little Mala'klea who did catch it expertly. Beaming, she said, “Thanks, Mom!  This one is for Molly and her team.  We have more and can make them for anyone else that wants one!”

Mister Makle observed, “That is more than I have heard you say even when you were drawing up the boat plan.”

Mala'klea, cringing like she expected to be hit, looked about fearfully, and went silent.  Pele crouched beside her daughter and pulled her into a hug.  Mala'klea hugged back fiercely, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes.

Pele spared a look for the shocked Recycle and Maintenance people in the big office.  Still holding her daughter, she told them, “Klea was one of the children that Mister Angerson was caught beating for refusing to pray to his God during their schooling time.  Instead of teaching them math, he was trying to force the children to follow him in his suicidal mania that he calls a religion.

“He was particularly brutal to those kids that he called pagans.  Since my little Klea follows our family's polytheistic beliefs, he beat her the worst of all.  The station's doctors found two cracked ribs and a hairline fracture of the right radius.

“Mala'klea refused to give in to his assault but he did manage break her trust in most people.

“Mister Angerson has been formally required to surrender his teaching duties and stay away from the children.  He has been forbidden to ever touch or speak to any of them.  His own wife and two children moved into our apartment to get away from him.  Trisha has filed with the station's Executive Committee for a divorce.”

One of the men from Molly's Maintenance crew said, “I know about the schooling problem.  I was on the jury.  What Angerson did sickened us all.  He claimed that God Himself ordered him to discipline the children for their unbelief and that God's orders override the Colonial Charter.  We all disagreed.  The verdict was unanimous.”

Molly volunteered, “That idiot Marcus cornered me once and tried to convince me that we are doomed.  God sent us all here to die by slow starvation for our sins.  Seems that we are all to be the Sacrifice For The New Covenant to preserve all of  mankind's colonies in space.

“He seems to forget that both the thymine and lysine that are our last real stumbling blocks have been spotted from orbit, even if they haven't been isolated to any particular organism yet.  In the meantime, the plants and animals that we brought along are filling the gap.  We will find what we need someday, probably soon.”

Pele nodded to Molly then gave her daughter another hug and asked her, “Do you have any sort of plan or working drawings for the boat that Mister Makle mentioned?  What are you thinking of making it out of?”

Everyone watched silently as Mala'klea went fearfully to Mister Makle's desk and, darting glances all about, brought her mother the pages of sketches.  She took one of the flying disks from Cora and wordlessly handed it to her mother as well.  

Pele's eyes lit up and she sat cross-legged in front of Mala'klea and patted her lap.  Looking meaningfully about at the other adults for silence, Pele said, “This is a wonderful start, Klea.  Please tell me about it.”

Mala'klea began almost inaudibly, “We can use old filter disks and rectangles to make the planks.  See, Mother?  The big side planks are the same width all along their length.  By keeping the angles of the side to bottom planks the same, it is just a long four plank dory, the same way that the old Polynesian voyaging ships were built.”

Mother gave daughter a quick hug and prodded, “How will you make the planks out of the smaller pieces, Dear?”

Mala'klea answered more confidently, “To make the flying disks we had to make a glue out of Moreson's eels.  Because of the messy way that they come apart when we heat them, we call them Goo fish.  We had to try several ways to get the glue right.  We had some of the disks stick together by accident.  That gave me the idea for laminating the parts.”

Pele nodded in happy seeming approval.  “Very observant, Klea.  How will you hold the planks and ribs together?”

The other children of Cora's Crowd almost bit their lips to keep quiet.  Cora stopped one of Molly's crew from speaking by whispering, “We have seen this before.  This is how Pele helps Mala'klea to stop being scared.  Let Klea answer for now.”

The man nodded understanding and held his tongue.

Mala'klea almost eagerly told her mother, “We can get strings from the mussels that grow almost everywhere on the Station's docks.  Cora figured out the glue and filter thing but it was Jason who thought of the string.  It was Matty that thought of making a boat.  I put their ideas together.

“We can use string that we make from the mussel threads to tie the parts together.  Once we are ready, we can laminate more skin over the joints to waterproof them.  We can lock the ribs into place the same way.  It is only a little different from the way that you were putting together the latest big Polynesian ship that you and your friends were building back on Earth.”

Pele grinned at her daughter, and looking her in the eye, pointed out, “Those planks and parts will need to be trimmed to shape, and many holes drilled in them to tie them together.  How will you manage that?”

By now, Mala'klea was answering eagerly and openly again.  “Jason and I made some knives and other tools out of Strong's shark teeth!  Jason brought them down here to show to Mr. Makle.  We can cut and trim the glued skin with them.  We made an awl that can make the holes.  When you were making that big canoe, you had a bow drill thing to make the holes but I couldn't remember how to make one.”

Jason silently handed a roll-up of knives and other tools to Mala'klea who unrolled it to show her mother.  Pele took the time to examine each knife and tool carefully.  She thoughtfully tested edges and checked the orientation of the natural serrations in the fangs that the knife and tool edges and points were made of.  One tool was made from a piece of flat bone with fairly coarse teeth carved into it for spreading and forcing glue into the skin.  The tool had the sheen of a waxy coating worked into the bone.  They all had handles formed of many layers of the skin and glue.  Each handle was carefully formed to fit the hands of the children.  Pele even examined the leather of the roll-up.

Nodding with a smile as she felt the softness of the leather, Pele asked Mala'klea, “Is this made out of some of the Strong's skin with your oil from the Goo fish worked in to soften it?”

Mala'klea smiled at her mother and said, “Yes, mother.  Mikal Novotnoy thought of doing that.  We all worked on different parts of it.  It is stitched with the mussel string.  We needed something that would keep the tools sharp and save us from getting cut on them.”

Pele gave Mala'klea another hug and stood up, holding the child's hand.  She said, “This is a really well thought out project, Klea.  I especially like the way that you gave credit for ideas to the others. I think that this ship will make a great project.  

“It will need you children to do a lot of math to figure out the details. You will need good language skills to present what you figure out to the rest.  We can use this project for a big part of you kid's schooling.  It will make a perfect demonstration of the relationship between what you are taught in class and the real world.  It will also be more fun than any lessons should be.”

Mr. Makle thoughtfully consulted his computer, accessing the Public Announcements.  Looking up he said, “You kids don't need to worry about Mr. Angerson any more.  He is forbidden to even come near to any of you, including his own family or your projects.  If he tries, we can lock him up.  The Executive Order implementing the jury verdict of child abuse was posted about four days ago.”

Pele looked over at Mr. Makle and asked him, “How can we keep him away from this project?  It will need a lot of room to build it and, because of their time in the classrooms, the kids won't be able to work on it all of the day.”

Mr. Makle looked cheerfully at the children of Cora's Crowd and said, “Maintenance will contribute building space for it down on Maintenance Dock C.  Its access ways all lock.  As soon as you are ready for the actual building to begin, let me know and I will formally reserve it for you.  Due to the suspicion of sabotage to the Reverse Osmosis Desalination plant, we have been given the authority to forbid access to ANY unauthorized personnel.  We can arrest trespassers if necessary.  C Dock is already equipped with surveillance cameras and alarms.

“We installed the locks, alarms and cameras because we are storing those new fiberglass boats that you have been making for us down there.  If we do have a saboteur, those boats could become a prime target.”

The End of Chapter 4

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to the World of Sea

#CHILDREN’S PLAY #excerpt from GONE TO SEA #World of Sea #Written by De Writer

[mwolf0epsilon]

Could I ask for some fallout 4 companion + favorite NPCs headcanons you might have?

I did my top 5 favorite companions in alphabetical order + my top favorite NPC, hope you don't mind! The post would be a bit too long otherwise ^^'

---

[[MORE]]

--Codsworth--

Codsworth is (besides Curie, Edna and Whitechapel Charlie) the most self aware Mr.Handy in the Commonwealth. As a result he tends to be underestimated by people in general (since most Mr.Handies and Mr.Gutsies are stuck in their programming to such a degree that they're not really aware of their surroundings concerning a timeline). This causes Codsworth mild anxiety as he thinks he might be broken or perhaps even dangerous to the Sole Survivor if he "glitches any further". A loose cannon can't be trusted right?

The robot workbench, while useful for repairs and upgrades, gives Codsworth the "willies". He doesn't like the idea of being altered beyond what he was made to be. He has the same sort of dread when asked if he'd ever like to acquire a synth body like Curie. He was "born" a Mr Handy he'll remain one until the day he passes.

Codsworth regularly has tea with Sturges and Mama Murphy. Sometimes he manages to get the Sole Survivor, Preston and Curie to join him, but otherwise not many people give him the time of day to kick back and indulge in old pre-war habits. Unless he bakes some of his famous tarberry cobbler, then everyone flocks around him for a taste.

--Deacon--

Every single lie Deacon tells is based on truths. He has a way of weaving words that is impressive because he only really needs to sell something believable to his audience. What's more believable than a story with a few facts switched around? Deacon lies about lying.

Deacon has a terrible temper. One he couldn't exactly control when he was younger but that he'd learned to get a hold of as he grew older and tried to better himself. Barbara's death was the last time he lost control, and since then no one's really seen the extent of Deacon's fury. That person who let his anger get the better of him was scum and caused nothing but pain and death. He wants to help, not destroy.

Deacon has alluded to having lived a good part of his life underground (being quite fond of caves and feeling safe in them) before moving to University Point. While no one knows where exactly he came from, Maccready has suggested Capital Wastelands since he first met him there and he has helped concoct theories on Deacon's origins that vary from cave settlements, to Little Lamplight and even to a Vault. Whichever one it is, this is the cause for his attachment to his sunglasses. His eyes are incredibly sensitive to bright lights (They're also very convinient for his spy work so it's win win in any case!).

--Nick Valentine--

While he's not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship he does seem to be incredibly fascinated by romance novels. He doesn't admit this to anyone however and won't read anything out in public that isn't part of his mystery novel collection. He has a hidden stash of romance novels in a hidden compartment in his desk.

He watched Hancock growing up with his brother and always thought Guy to be a little too aggressive in his stance about the world around them. He hoped the boy would grow out of it but was quickly proven wrong when Mcdonough became Diamond City's mayor. He considered leaving with John and the ghouls before deciding he needed to stay to keep an eye out for the city. God only knew DC would need all the help it could get from then on out...

He has a missing persons case file for Preston which he keeps a secret. Preston's mother approached him after travelling all the way to DC to ask if he'd find her son who was 17 when he ran away. Ever since the Sole Survivor came along and introduced him to her odd group of misfits he's had to keep himself from telling Preston that his mother is worried sick about him. He hopes that when things settle down a bit and that the Minutemen are back into proper shape that he'll be able to tell the lieutenant and bring him to see his mother.

--Preston Garvey--

He was raised by his biological mother (a brahmin farmer) and the woman she later fell in love with and married (a nurse). He never met his father and his moms insisted he was killed by a raider. He later learned that while his mother was pregnant with him, she and his biological father were kidnapped by a group of raiders and that his father was then tortured mercilessly until his mind broke and he joined them. His mother escaped with her life only by pure luck and chance.

Preston's idolization of the Minutemen was always a consern for Mama Garvey, who was deathly afraid of losing her baby boy. When Preston turned 17 he ran away from home to join the militia against his mom's wishes. He hadn't exactly hit his growth spurt yet so his mothers were pretty scared that he might have died alone in the Wastes. After the Minutemen fell apart Mama Garvey went to Nick Valentine to ask for help searching for any signs that her son might still be alive.

He has a passion for learning new things, new skills, any tidbit of useful knowledge he can get his hands on. He's a bit like a Swiss army knife with all the things he's learned from traveling with the Minutemen and Sole Survivor, be it cook a mean brahmin steak, or mend ripped clothes, or even apply first aid when there aren't any stimpacks available, or even origami (although the latter is just for fun).

--X6-88--

After the Institute is destroyed X6 feels mildly conflicted but chooses to stick by his original instructions to follow the Sole Survivor's orders. This of course was an issue at first because he'd shadow Sole like a lost, albeit mildly terrifying, puppy. He's taken up guard duty after he was asked to stop acting like a bodyguard, since he didn't really know what to do with his time. Some of the braver/nicer companions (Nick, Preston, Curie and Codsworth) have tried to give him pointers, but it's actually some of the settlers who have helped him figure out how to somewhat "enjoy" his freedom (mainly Mama Murphy and Sturges who can tolerate his cynicism and disdain for the Commonwealth and it's people).

He's embarrassed by his Fancy Lads snack cakes cravings. As a synth courser he should be a top of the line model with zero attachment to material possessions and no need for indulging in the disgusting Commonwealth foods, be they pre-war or post-war. However since he's a Gen3 synth this is just a quirk he can't really shake off and he'd probably die of embarrassment if anyone found out his stash in his room.

He has a bit of a synth sense. He's not really aware of it, but he gets a strange feeling sort of like deja vu whenever he meets a runaway synth. The Railroad did a fantastic job with facial reconstructions and new identities, but X6 still has this weird feeling that he's seen them before. This feeling is a lot stronger around Sturges and he can't help feel a little put off by him. Not that anyone notices anyway...

--Sturges--

These two [x] [x] headcanons are pretty much my go to for Sturges's origins, but I'll elaborate further!

The original Sturges was born and raised in the Mojave and briefly moved to the Capital Wasteland with his father (after his mom passed away from an unknown illness). After Sturges Senior retired from the NCR the two moved to the Commonwealth to get away from all the chaos in the Capital Wastes. As a result of moving around a lot, Sturges Junior had a lot of contact with experienced mechanics and scientists. Already a bit of a genius himself, Sturges's knowledge was both a gift and a curse, as the Institute took an interest in him and abducted him as soon as they found a chance to do so. The synth copy that currently resides with Sanctuary's people is a bit of an oddity however... He was a prototype meant to spy on Sturges Senior and the settlement they lived in when they moved to the Commonwealth, but there were a few issues with his programming and Sturges actually forgot he was a synth and that he needed to report to a courser that would be sent to meet with him every month under the guise of trading for scrap. Sturges Senior caught on pretty quickly and dispatched the courser, but realized the synth copy was harmless and that if the Institute took his real son then he was already good as dead, so he feigned ignorance and kept Sturges unaware as well.

Sturges left to make a life of his own a few months after his replacement. He learned how to shoot thanks to his dad, but nothing could really prepare him for how ruthless the Wastes could really be. After he settled he swore off fighting as much as possible since he's not too fond of it. He'd still beat up anyone that threatened his friends, even if he had to do it with his bare fists. Those muscles aren't just for show and Sturges can give a mean punch.

Zeke, the leader of the Atom Cats, is Sturges's cousin from his father's side of the family. The two weren't very close when they were younger because Zeke tended to bully him a bit, but eventually the two grew out of their almost sibling-like rivalry and hung out a lot when Sturges moved to the Commonwealth. When the Atom Cats were formed, Sturges was the main mechanic before he decided to lend his services to Quincy. He liked the town so much that he decided to settle there, much to Zeke's displeasure. The two are in good terms and there's really no bad blood between them.

Sturges is as stubborn as a brahmin. This has proven to be both a great asset to Sanctuary and a terrible burden, as when ever Sturges gets it in his head that he can do something, he won't stop until he does it. Preston has had to drag him away from fruitless projects many times so that Sturges could eat, drink and sleep. Others have been less tactful, like Marcy spilling a bucket of purified water over his head because he had forgotten to bathe in a while, or Jun guilt-tripping him so he'd rest for once in his life, or even one time where the Sole Survivor "hired" Tinker Tom to help around the workshop so Sturges wouldn't have to worry too much about repairs progressing in Sanctuary Hills (Tinker Tom spouted conspiracy theories all day and Sturges now wonders if every mirror he sees isn't a two-way mirror somehow connected to the Institute).

Extra angsty headcanon:

The original Sturges ended up as one of the super mutant behemoths that the Sole Survivor can encounter in the Commonwealth. They wouldn't ever be able to tell considering the beast is nothing like the kind and amicable handyman they know.

#Fallout #Fallout 4 #Codsworth #Deacon #Nick Valentine #Preston Garvey #X6-88 #X6 #Sturges #Headcanons #Anon Friend

[dippedanddripped]

Eric Emanuel lives and works in New York’s Garment District, not too far from the factory where he makes his eponymous label.

“I set my whole life up here,” he says. “I live here, my office is here, the factories are here, and I get to see the madness all day.”

The madness occurs every Friday, where Emanuel releases a small drop of products on his website, where they usually last about a few seconds before selling out, much to the chagrin of his hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers. His line consists of many sportswear staples that characterize other independent streetwear labels: hoodies, T-shirts, sweatpants, and even some thermals in the cooler months. But the one thing he’s absolutely nailed? It’s gotta be the shorts.

Indeed, whether it’s solid colors or out-there prints that range from florals, paisleys, or an insane print of the New York City skyline, Emanuel has become synonymous with some of the best above-the-knee knickers on the market. And unlike the other New York Knickerbockers, Emanuel’s shorts have been big winners for his brand. In the past couple of years, he’s gone from hometown hero to global collab king, working with beverage companies like Mountain Dew, sneaker companies like adidas and Reebok,  and now the Philadelphia 76ers basketball team on an array of covetable gear.

Emanuel’s personal uniform usually consists of a pair of his popular mesh shorts, a vintage tee, and a Yankees fitted. As a flex he’ll finish off the fit with a pair of his collaborative Reebok Club C sneakers, one of many models he’s done with the Boston-based sportswear label. But he’s also open to stepping up his game by switching it up with a pair of Gucci loafers, a clear co-sign of a trend that’s been spotted on Instagram. Then again, as Emanuel points out, part of the fun about his flagship product is it really isn’t that serious.

“I think that’s why the shorts have been such a success, because it’s not binary in the sense that you have to wear them in a certain way,” he says. “Wear it however you want, it’s a pair of mesh shorts.”

The king of shorts took a break from running his kingdom to talk about his rise to success, how he found his lane, and other project he has in the works. Ironically, it’s kind of a long story.

Where are you from Eric?

I’m from Syracuse originally, and then I moved here eight or nine years ago to go to FIT for marketing. Towards the end of my senior year I started making jerseys, and ended up running with that.

When did you start your label?

When I was getting out of school I didn’t want to go work somewhere, so I sort of just maneuvered — I was paying to make product off my credit card, I’d then move that balance to another card just waiting for that moment when a product would sell and I could pay the bill. Betting on myself, knowing some day it would work.

When does your shorts story begin?

The shorts would have been three years ago I think. I started with a heavier short — like a very traditional basketball short from Mitchell & Ness. But theirs wasn’t really what I wanted to wear. I didn’t like the big waistband; I didn’t like the weight. So I switched to something that’s practically my lacrosse short from high school — a very basic single layer short. That’s where I found success, but even so I would say it took until the end of last summer for it to really catch fire.

It seems when you do a drop every Friday it sells out instantly. Is that exhilarating or frustrating?

It’s frustrating. You would think that you’d be so excited to sell your product out in a day, that it should be this harmonious moment. Unfortunately, you have to deal with everyone who’s upset they didn’t get it. So I’m trying to find a balance of fulfilling the demand and going a little beyond it.

I had no idea this sort of “cozy revolution” would’ve taken over. Everything I’ve released over the past two months was made in the winter. The quantities were super low and it sold out way too fast. Then we had to stop making shorts for about two months and wait for New York to become a bit safer. It’s been a whirlwind.

How else has Covid-19 affected your business?

I pulled everything forward because I didn’t know where the economy was going. I didn’t know what was going to happen. And it sort of backfired in the sense that I ran out of product, and it wasn’t safe to continue making more until a month ago. That’s when we really hit the ground running. Everyone’s hungry to work, but it was very difficult to figure out how to do it in a safe manner. Now, whatever is made this week is being sold next week. And I’m very lucky that since I make the product in New York so I can sort of schedule it that way. In an ideal world, we would be six weeks ahead.

It’s pretty ballsy to call your product “The Best Shorts in the World,” but there it is printed on the packaging. What separates your shorts from others on the market?

I focused on a product that not necessarily everyone cared about. People would run shorts here and there, but it was never their core item. Instead of starting with a T-Shirt, I went into a market where there was less competition figured out how to own that. Why is it the best short? I think it’s because it’s essentially your favorite short, but a bit elevated. It falls little bit above the knee, you can size up if you want it to be baggier, and it just wears well.

There’s something for everyone. I personally like solid colors, but a lot of people love the patterns. The patterns tend to be motifs that I relate to at the time — sort of where my head’s at. I have an infatuation with rugs, so we ran with it. Luckily others seem to love rugs as well, because they’re probably the top pattern this season.

Speaking of balls, is there a recommended shorts-and-undies combo for maximum breathability?

Uniqlo Airism boxer briefs! I have such an appreciation Uniqlo basics. I’m there like once or twice a week.

At $98 a pop, that’s a good chunk of change, but it’s also not egregious. How do you justify that price?

I think $98 is a price most people are comfortable with given that they’re made in New York. If I had to wholesale these shorts, the retail should be at least $150 or $160. The fact that I do direct-to-consumer allows me to keep it at $98. At the end of the day, it’s not necessarily a “luxury product,” it’s a made-in-the-USA basketball short. It’s important to note that it’s made in New York and all the components are sourced from the United States. I get comments all the time of people saying: “Oh, he’s selling a pair of $10 shorts with a logo on it.” That’s not even close.

It’s expensive to make things here, but the craftsmanship speaks for itself. To speak on the process a bit: The mesh arrives; it’s sent to a cutting room; after that they’re sent to be sewn; a truck grabs them and takes them to be screen printed; another truck grabs them to where they’re steamed/pressed and packaged; and finally they’re shipped.

How does it feel to see people reselling your shorts?

I don’t think there’s a right answer for that. It’s a good feeling to know that your product’s in demand, but I’m also like: “Gee, I wish it went to the people that actually want it.” It’s frustrating when I see it on Grailed or eBay. People have commented that they wish I would do a pre-order so I can meet the demand, but I’m an instant gratification shopper — I want what I bought ASAP!

Beyond shorts, you’ve also done collaborations with New Era on caps, and kicks with both adidas and Reebok, how would you describe the EE signature touch to these products?

The partners I work with are all brands I grew up with. For the most part, I want all of the product I touch to remain as classic as it should. I may throw in my favorite “EE Pink” — PANTONE213C – the color blocking of the original product remains intact.

You’ve also got this 76ers collab coming up, right after another iteration of Iverson’s sneakers. Is it weird to be making basketball shorts when there hasn’t been a season until recently?

I always go back to one thing: Allen Iverson was always number one on my mood board. The recent collaborations are truly a dream come true. The lack of games hasn’t affected my desire for shorts — I love shorts with or without basketball, and whether it’s summer or winter. It’s exciting to see things kicking off this weekend though!

What other collaborations are you cooking up?

The Reebok Club C-EE is up next! My favorite shoe to date: an easy, everyday wear. It’s the first shoe I’ve done that my Mom and Dad can wear often, [laughs] that makes me so happy.

In the past you’ve experimented with fabrics like mohair, leather, and bouclé, both on shorts and sweatpants, is there a dream material you haven’t worked with yet?

I really love cashmere. Cashmere shorts would be amazing, but that seems like a pretty standard answer — so maybe GORE-TEX? That, and and more waxed canvas.

#sneakers #eric emanuel #shorts #allen iverson #streetwear blog #fashion blog

[gore-hovnd]

So a few days I posted that I’d outlined my headcanon for Jack’s life up until the events of TWS and I got some good advice to post it. So I prettied it up and fleshed out a few concepts and now I’m throwing it at tumblr

Now, these are just my headcanons, and yes I’m forcing HH into it bc I love the ship and even though it’d never happen in canon, it was fun to kinda toy with the whole “how they met” idea. So yeah, here’s this and I’m gonna go lay down lol

I’ll see about doing one for Brock too? Just depends on how long it takes for me to think of stuff up for him. 

Jack’s Timeline

      • Jack Rollins was born in 1974 to John and Leanne Rollins in the mountains of Colorado, right outside of a major city

      • At the time of his birth he was their fifth son but would end up being the middle sibling of nine

          ◦  The reason Jack’s parents had so many children was because Leanne had grown up an only child and recalled how lonely it was. She never wanted her kids to be lonely so she decided she wanted a lot of them. Originally, she’d planned to stop at five but Leanne and John decided they wanted to keep trying until they had a girl.

      • Jack’s siblings consist of: 

          ‣  Matthias - 1964

          ‣ Titus and T.J. - 1966

          ‣ Lawson - 1970

          ‣ Cooper - 1980

          ‣ Benjamin - 1982

          ‣ Samuel - 1983

          ‣ Annalise - 1985

      • Jack was born premature and doctors didn’t think he would survive

          ◦ Because of this, Leanne favored him and always kept a close eye on him

      • During Jack’s early life, his parents thought he may have had a learning disability due to the fact that he rarely, if ever spoke. 

          ◦ It turned out that Jack was selectively mute

      • John didn’t take well to this diagnosis and wanted to try to force Jack to speak

          ◦ He suggested doing this by forcing Jack to verbally ask for things like food, water, bathroom breaks, etc. 

                ‣ Leanne rejected this and instead decided that Jack would be treated by a therapist

      • Jack began to speak more in middle school

          ◦ It started out with asking / answering questions in class, asking to borrow a pencil from classmates, etc. 

      • By the time Jack was in 8th grade, while still shy, was able to speak with relative ease

      • In 1987, when Jack was 13, his mother passed away due to an ongoing heart condition

          ◦ Because of this, Jack’s family feared he would stop talking again

      • While Jack didn’t stop talking, he also didn’t seem to mourn the loss of his mother either

      • Concerned with this, John had sent Jack to a new therapist

          ◦ The new therapist claimed Jack was going through a period of dissociative shock 

                ‣ It took years of therapy and counseling for Jack to open up and properly grieve 

      • Jack ended up going to a different high school than most of his peers from middle school and had to basically start over. 

      • For a little while he would keep to himself and didn’t really take the steps to make any new friends

          ◦ Until three months into the semester when he was paired up to work on an assignment with a boy named Dalton

      • Dalton took a liking to Jack and introduced him to the rest of his friend group; consisting of Cole, Braxton, Lucan, and Matt

      • The boys grew close together; they would hang out after school together and Jack would go to their drama club performances even though he was too shy to be in one himself. 

      • During spring break of his freshman year, Jack found out and met Braxton’s two dads, Arthur and Christopher

          ◦ Before this, Jack had never met a gay couple before

                ‣ Meeting them sprung questions of Jack’s own sexuality

      • When Jack’s dad found out about Braxton’s parents, he reacted very negatively and this scared Jack back into his shell

          ◦ He rarely spoke to his father about anything after that

      • For the entirety of his sophomore year and the majority of his junior year, Jack tried to ignore his sexuality

      • Until finally, nearing the end of his junior year, he came out to Arthur and Christopher and asked them for advice

          ◦ The two of them told Jack he could always confide in them

      • At 18, Jack developed a crush on a new student who’d moved to Colorado from Los Angeles

      • This boy’s name was Christian and the two of them began to date soon after meeting

      • Jack told Christian that he didn’t want to go public about their relationship, basically stating he liked to keep his personal life private

          ◦ Christian agreed not to say anything

      • The two of them dated for a few months but that all came to a screaming halt during winter break

      • Christian had gone over to the Rollins’ home asking for him and responded with “Jack’s boyfriend” when John asked Christian who he was. 

      • John was absolutely livid and kicked Jack out without a second thought. 

          ◦ Jack and Christian got into a huge argument over this and broke up due to it

      • Jack’s uncle, Mike, had offered a place for Jack to stay

          ◦ He slept on Mike’s couch for the final semester of his senior year

      • Once Jack graduated, he enlisted in the Marines and disappeared without telling his family anything. 

      • Six weeks into boot camp, he’d given into the guilt and wrote letters to T.J., who was the only one of his siblings who still spoke to him, as well as his uncle

      • While in the Marines, Jack pretty much shed his childhood shyness entirely and grew to be more self confident. 

          ◦ He also became a trained sniper and demolitions expert

      • In late 2000, Jack was in an unfortunate accident while on deployment that left him blind in his left eye

          ◦ Because of this, Jack was discharged 

      • After being discharged, with pretty much nowhere to go, Jack spent 9 months on the streets. 

          ◦ But in August of 2001, when Jack was 27, an agent got in contact with him and told Jack he worked for a government funded agency that recruited and rehabilitated veterans for reenlistment. 

      • Jack agreed to sign a contract and go with this agent

      • During training, which was long and grueling, he met a man named Ellison Lomack and the two of them quickly became friends.

      • Jack spent five years going on missions for this agency, assuming that he was once again an active duty Marine

      • In 2006 he was given the opportunity to be brought onto an elite STRIKE team that could earn him up to $95,000 a year. 

          ◦ Jack was chosen to be the Second in Command of STRIKE Team Alpha

      • His orientation to this team was when he’d found out he was part of HYDRA

      • Being told, essentially, that he would either continue working or be killed, Jack chose the former

      • Being the chosen SIC, Jack had to go through extra training and bonding with the STRIKE team’s commander, Brock Rumlow

          ◦ Brock told Jack when they first met; “I trust you with my life, you gotta learn to trust me with yours.” 

      • In the first few months, Brock was almost glued to Jack’s hip any time they were at work or in the field

          ◦ Including times when Jack was diffusing bombs, which freaked Jack out

      • Over time, Brock and Jack began to work together like a well oiled machine, Jack’s calm and calculating personality working well with Brock’s brazen and abrasive one. 

      • And in 2009, while drinking after a highly successful mission, Brock and Jack had drunk sex in the hotel room of the British Prime Minister, hardly slipping away before they got caught

      • Jack began to recognize his feelings for Brock after this night but refused to pursue anything, feeling as though it would be safer to preserve their established relationship

          ◦ Everything pretty much went back to normal

      • Two years passed and their relationship grew stronger, but never took a romantic turn. Until one night on a particularly difficult mission where everything had gone tits up and they only had 24 hours to fix it. 

            ◦ Brock is stressed out about it and laments that he isn’t afraid to die, but admits he wished he could’ve spent more time with Jack before he did

      • Brock and Jack share a kiss under the stars in a desert and fuck on the hood of their military issued Jeep while their team sleeps in a safe house 20 feet away. 

      • After this mission, that they were able to pull off by the skin of their teeth, Brock and Jack make things official. 

          ◦ Both of them lead relatively private lives and don’t make it known to the rest of the team that they’re seeing each other

      • Three years pass and six months before Project Insight, Brock brings up the idea of getting married for the sake of spousal immunity just in case things don’t go as planned.

          ◦ So they get married, something simple at the court house and neither of them change their names. 

      • Afterward, Brock and Jack are living happily as a married couple and they fantasize about what kind of life they hope to share when Insight goes through and they’re finally free from HYDRA’s demanding grip

      • Project Insight comes along and Brock and Jack meet the infamous Winter Soldier

      • Project Insight launches and things go horribly wrong

      • Brock splits up with Jack at the Trisk, telling Jack to head back out and that he’d meet him outside. 

          ◦ Initially, Jack follows the instructions given. But a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach has him turning around to go and get Brock 

      • The helicarriers crash into the building and Jack gets caught beneath the rubble

      • He’s stuck there for two days before he finally succumbs and the entire time, all he could do was fiddle with his ring and think about Brock.

#mcu #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #headcanons #hydra husbands #rumrollins #jack rollins #brock rumlow #crossbones #jack doesn't get a happy ending #idk why i just guess i wanted to suffer #i like to think that he got out of insight alive and lead a happy life in hiding #but that probably didn't happen #doin myself a sad

[emotionalsupportaudino]

literally me just complaining

I am very genuinely hurt by the treatment my school gave me in the three years I was there. This is my gentle full on vent. This is me getting out my incredible pain in a timeline.

When I went to NCC, my mental health was literally improving in strides. Two years and I walked out confident, happy, assured of my own worth. It was such a great school. I had such great friends! I was losing weight, I was running 5ks every day in the summertime, I was learning to love myself.

And then I started at Moore. My first year, my first day, my first class, I walk in at 8:30AM ready to fucking learn. I have my notebook, my flash drive, and my confident spirit. Here I was. I was at this fantastic school. All my professors at NCC were so proud of me for getting there. I was in a class studying my absolute favorite topic of my major: Character Design.

My professor walks in, six months younger than me and with a chip on her shoulder. She tells us that if we’re not pulling all nighters every project, we’re failures. She tells us we have an assignment worth 20% of our grade due the next Friday. A 4-person set of silhouettes from a fairy tale that make each character clearly defined as their characters. She gives us a rubric and only explains 80% of it. I ask about the other 20% and she responds “Oh I’m not grading on that, don’t worry.”

Anxious about this huge chunk of my grade, I skip out on a free music festival with my NCC friends and spend every night until midnight working on this project. I go through dozens of iterations of silhouettes for my characters. And then, I turn it in, and I barely pass. Because she gave me a 1/5 in the section of the rubric I asked her about. I ask her why? “These are too identifiable. They’re too obviously what they are.”

She continues this to the point where the rest of my semester is a fucking blur. I was miserable, having mental breakdowns once a week, and this lasted for about two months before I dropped the class because I was literally on the verge of killing myself.

She puts down every aspect of my personality, my very being. I worked in cut paper when I was at NCC and I did really well at it. I tell her I like working with shapes and it was my specialty at my previous school, she tells me “It doesn’t look like it.” I tell her my favorite games are Persona 3 (this is before 5 comes out) and We Know the Devil. She says the artist behind WKTD is a bad person and no one should play it, and that Persona is bad because why would any adult want to play as a teenager. She catches me listening to Love Live music and makes fun of my taste. When I had thought too hard about my project (a chimera where she literally threw an entire in-depth illustration at us the night before it was due and required us to pay fare to the zoo or she’d take 50% off our grade, WHEN I HAD LITERALLY JUST RECEIVED MY FIRST PAYCHECK and had almost nothing), and had everything about this animal planned, she asks me: “What’s the Latin name?” It was not mentioned anywhere on the sheet, it wasn’t involved at all. She docked me 5% for not knowing Latin

I seek out help, first, from my head faculty. I tell him the things she tells us. He says “oh I’ll talk to her, but that’s just how she teaches.” She comes in the next class talking about how much he praised her and how great she’s doing. She’s even worse to me. I cry in the bathroom for half the class and the head of first year classes catches me and literally lets me cry on her despite the fact I am not in any of her classes and tells me to drop. So I do.

My classmates for the rest of the semester are miserable. Everyone except for me and 3 others in my program are literally miserable for the rest of the semester. She cost kids their scholarships. One of my friends is so bad that literally the mention of this professor’s name causes her to have a panic attack. I accidentally caused one and felt awful.

This professor is the start of my Xanax dependence. And she’s never disciplined.

In the same semester they start teaching 2D animation. Except by start I mean start and finish. We are expected to know everything about 2D animation in one semester. We are never offered another class.

My second semester, two of my classes are taught by a man who DOESN’T KNOW THE PROGRAM and is teaching it to himself as we go along. He smells of alcohol, and at the end of the semester he disappears during critiques. We have to teach ourselves everything, except, SURPRISE. One of the classes is 3D modeling, teaching us the foundations of Maya.

We never learn the foundations of Maya.

Third semester, first of junior year, we find out the school has lied to us from the getgo. After saying every student got 1k for their internships, we find out students get $500. And the other $500 goes right to the school if you paid by month like I did. 

We also find out that everything we didn’t learn in our modeling class was super important. Our professor--THE HEAD OF OUR PROGRAM--gives up teaching us and kinda says to do whatever for our 3D Animation class. I ask him how to do several things specifically (2D animation on a 3D model being one of them). He does not know how. He does not bother to learn.

During that semester, my grandfather dies. I am told by my Admissions department job that if I miss more than one day of work for the funeral, I will be fired. I never got time to mourn. I still miss my grandfather. I cried about his death literally every day from October to May.

Second semester of Junior year is a blur because I am having so many panic attacks. I find an internship, but it’s outside of my typical field. That internship saves my life. And that’s barely exaggerating. I hadn’t felt happiness in a year when I started it and suddenly every day was... exciting again. I made friends, I had fun, I felt human.

First semester of Senior year is... rough. But not overly rough, mostly because I’m only taking two classes. And one of them is with one of the three (3) competent teachers I had teach me my studio classes. It’s great. I genuinely enjoy working despite thesis.

I had won a grant in the spring of my Junior year to travel abroad for two weeks at the beginning of September. My head of program swears he will present my game and get feedback. I return and he says there was no feedback. I ask my classmates--he never presented. I never got critique on my concept until three months into it because I thought everyone knew what I was doing.

Second semester of senior year was the worst four months of my life. I had never been so hurt, so ignored, and so honestly lost.

-My senior thesis class is taught by a woman who has no experience in any of the programs we are using. She has never animated in 2D or 3D. She has never programmed or designed a game before. She keeps asking for more work because she doesn’t understand that the 12 hours a week I’m putting in in coding is seriously beginning to harm my health.

-The same professor teaches the modern culture of Animation/Game Arts class. She refuses to touch on queer subjects. Repeatedly. She drops the hbomberguy stream but knows nothing about it. I wind up being the one who had to explain what it was about.

-She requires us to take a trip to New York and doesn’t get funding for us. This includes transportation there and back, subway fare, tickets to events, and meals. Had she mentioned it to ANYONE in administration, we would’ve gotten free meals. She did not. She left most of my class alone in New York City with literally no idea where to go and no instructions on how to get back. That trip cost me nearly $100 in the end. (I did get to see the original Taminella puppet at the Jim Henson exhibit at the Museum of Moving Image, and the costumes from Labyrinth, which was totally worth it and I broke down crying at it because like, Jim Henson means the world to me? I want to be like him. I just want to make the world a little brighter.)

-Oh did I mention we were never fully taught C#, and yet I was expected to code an entire game in it because for my thesis I wanted to combine 2D art and gameplay? Yup. She didn’t know that either.

-They refused to let us know anything about setup for Senior show until less than 2 weeks before hand. We had to pay for anything installed for the show and any decor. Every other major knew at least a month in advance. We had less than 14 days.

-I walked in on my one friend about to harm themself more than once. I found others saying they were on the verge of suicide. I comforted more people than I think I ever should have had to in those last 4 months. Whenever I asked for help, I was met with a door in my face.

DESPITE ALL OF THAT I have a deep love for my underclassmen. I genuinely want the fucking best for them. They’re in that hellhole and they deserve better, and I want to be as much help to them as possible. Our major has no connections in the paid art world.

Last March, due to my work in the library (AGAIN THAT INTERNSHIP SAVED MY LIFE ), I was offered a job teaching game design to kids in an underserved area. It’s good pay and great work and great people. So when they said “We need more people,” I immediately said “Let me get in contact with my school.”

The head of the program and his full time faculty both REFUSED to either answer emails or meet with me and my job leads. It’s good fucking work. I love every second of it. I’m happy doing it. And I know I have classmates who would be happy too.

And they’re refusing to meet with me.

Everyone else I came in contact with at the school was happy to see me again. The deans were happy, my old bosses were happy, my career center was happy, my old classmates were happy!

But it stings to be rejected like that after busting my ass for three years to do my best.

I just... I feel like I’m never enough for anybody. And the damage they did to my mental (and physical) health is irreversible. I got addicted to anxiety medications, I’m struggling to be confident in myself, I literally get told almost daily at work to not do the things the program drove into me.

I’m getting better and learning to be okay again, but... I’m really fucked up by this school. And I don’t know what to do.

(Oh and the school counselor apparently didn’t actually have a license to practice and often told me my anxiety was in my own head and that it was my own fault bad things were happening to me. Like deaths in the family. And the way my teachers treated me.)

#cw: Suicidal ideation #i am okay #this is talking about years ago #if you're a student at my old school currently #heed my warning