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why dont i have an oc i can relentlessly sexualise for no good reason and put in playboy bunny suits and shit. hellworld
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Inspiration has struck, the muse is here and they want me to work on my Fuffy fake marriage fic so that’s what’s happening. okay!!
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My most self-indulgent headcanon is that, when Buffy died in The Gift, she didn't actually go to heaven (something which the show is otherwise quite vague about existing at all, considering Giles and Buffy's various comments about religion over the course of the show) but rather to the same place we know at least one past Slayer ended up after her death: the shared subconscious of the active Slayer.
We see Sineya, the First Slayer, in Buffy's dreams in Restless and it's at least strongly implied by Graduation Day and This Year's Girl that Faith and Buffy have also been sharing dreams for at least a year, ever since Buffy stabbed Faith.
So my take -- which, granted, has no real support from canon at all -- is that being the Slayer works a bit like being the Avatar in Avatar: The Last Airbender. Every Slayer has the memories (or the ghost or the soul or whatever you want to call it) of all her predecessors locked somewhere in the depths of her own mind, and in extreme cases -- like the Scoobies spell to call on the First Slayer in Primeval, or two Slayers both being alive together but one falling into a coma -- it's possible for her to get in touch with them directly.
Buffy herself already died once, so a part of her was linked to Kendra and then, when Kendra died, that part passed on to Faith.
Part of the reason I like this theory -- beyond being an inveterate Fuffy shipper, which I guess you can take as a given -- is that Buffy's description of being in "heaven" doesn't really make much sense to me if we assume she's right about where she ended up. She tells Spike in After Life that she felt "complete" and "at peace" because "[she] knew that everyone [she] cared about was all right". But we, the audience, know that everyone Buffy cared about wasn't all right at all. Her sister, her Watcher, her friends: they were all miserable and heartbroken and, without a Slayer around, everyone in Sunnydale was in imminent danger of a violent death.' Surely any heaven worth the name can manage better than deluding the dead into thinking that everything is going well when it isn't?
But suppose that my theory is right, and that after she died Buffy really ended up buried somwhere in Faith's subconcious. We know -- and in Season 7 Faith herself will admit -- that Faith has always had a very romanticized, idealized view of Buffy's life, envying Buffy for her mother and her friends and her Watcher and not seeing (or choosing not to see) that everything isn't quite so perfect for Buffy after all.
If Buffy were to find herself somewhere in in the depths of Faith's mind, of course she'd think she was happy and warm and loved and everything was going well for her friends and family. Of course she'd think she was in heaven. As far as Faith was concerned, Buffy always was.
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tbh while I'm a multishipper, I've come to have like 3 serious Buffy ships, and it's so funny (to me) how I've come to pick them
Like there's Fuffy, because the frenemies of it all, the way they mirror each other and how toxic they are just makes me foam at the mouth. The "we share a sacred duty and we're gonna be so toxic about it", the "we're not meant to exist together, but we do, so where do we go from here", the "I should be hating you, but I just wish you were here", the "You're the only one who can fully understand what I'm going through", the "You're everything I want to be" vs "You are who I am deep down, and that scares me", the "We bring ruin to each other, but we also need one another". It all drives me NUTS
Then there's Spuffy (thank you Buffy for having such a ridiculous name your ship names sound like pet names), with their accidental falling in love, followed by them both being so pathetic about it, in completely different ways. It's the "we each got our star crossed loves, and yet I find myself falling for you instead", it's the "ugh god I can't believe I fell for this one", the "my world is falling apart and you're the one real thing I cling to", the action girl x hopeless romantic of it all, it's Spike just accepting that he fell for the hero, so he's gonna have to switch sides now i guess, vs Buffy fighting tooth and nail against falling for another vampire, another heartbreak, but Spike is just so steadfast in being there for her even when it's hurting him to do so. (Also they're so funny together, and his loser pining era is just alkrhafksg)
And then there's Buffy x Oz. Do they even have a ship name? Is it Boz? I feel like it would be Boz. They have NOTHING, and I feel like they'd be perfect for each other
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🎵 FUFFY!!!!!!!
Okay. OKAY. You have to have known that I would never be able to narrow it down to just one song. I am going to have to dump about a dozen songs on you, each corresponding to a different era of Fuffy. If that's a problem - tough, you knew what you were getting into.
To start us off, both Bodybag by Chloe Moriondo and Saccharine by Jazmin Bean capture that early-Fuffy feeling of "I'm not sure if I want to fight you or fuck you and frankly I think it might be the same thing".
I could cry when I hear you speak but that just makes me angry
Wanna kiss you on your cheeks but I also wanna punch your teeth
I just don't get it, I just don't know
Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you
Put you in a body bag instead of my bed
You make me afraid
Come closer, wait no, go away
Disgusted at the fact I care
Cut you the fuck off like dead hair
Speak Your Mind by Alice Merton is the anthem for That final scene in Revelations. I saw her in London a couple of months ago and she was great, but I need to see her again until she performs this song.
And you know that it's hard for me
To look at you and realize you're part of me
But nowadays you seem so far away from me
So out of reach
Won't you speak your mind?
There's a silence in the room and it is killing me
Won't you speak your mind?
If you wanted something for their wild nights bonding in Bad Girls, then Untouched by The Veronicas is a classic, and 100% captures that vibe: horny, but perpetually unconsummated. Speaking of Bad Girls, the song that plays when they dance in the Bronze - Chinese Burn by Curve - is a very Faith song.
She burns friends like a piece of wood
And she's jealous of me because she never could
Hold herself up without a spine
And she'll look me up when she's doing fine
Because the rage it burns like Chinese torture
She's just someone's favorite daughter
Spoilt and ugly as she willingly slaughters
Friends and enemies they're all the same
I know they're TSwift, and putting Taylor Swift songs on a fanmix is a cliche beyond parody at this point, but I have to shout out three songs from Folklore - Hoax, My Tears Ricochet and The 1 - for being unavoidably great Fuffy songs.
For what it's worth, any song that references "the one" instantly rings Fuffy bells in my head, because "the one" is SUCH a loaded term for them (being soulmates who are in direct competition to be The One). As such, I present Uno by Muse, which gets at that post-Enemies feeling thy both have of feeling like the other really messed up by not following them.
You could have been number one
And you could have ruled the whole world
And we could have had so much fun
But you blew it away
For the same period, but more focused on the rage and denial that comes with self-recognition through another, we have Anything Like Me by Poppy, which is definitely up there as one of the most Fuffy songs around.
I'm everything she never was
Now everyone's out for my blood
Stop, you're making a scene
You're coming at me with blood in your teeth
You shouldn't be anything like me
You shouldn't be anything like me
You'll never be anything like me
You shouldn't be anything like me
I feel her heart beating in me
Get her out of me
Love is never-ending in me
Take it out of me
While we're doing cliches, I obviously have to mention that Kiss With A Fist and Girlfriend In A Coma both exist. They're like the complimentary breadsticks of Fuffy mixes - they're not what you're there for, but their exclusion would be a choice. Knife Going In by Tegan and Sara is also another surprisingly appropriate set of lyrics given how on-the-nose the title is.
I feel the knife going in
I'm feeling like she's not enough to kill me
I thought it up and fast
But I'm feeling it now
And I feel like she's sleeping inches from me
I let it pass
Before we finish, I wanna take us to S7, which is just a goldmine - so many songs about that specific feeling of "we were once friends and now we're so far apart". I'll shout out Bad Blood by Bastille, I Want You by Mitski, and Maria by AliceBand, but most of all a slight wildcard - Forget About What I Said by The Killers.
We used to tear it down
But now we just exist.
The things that I did wrong,
I bet you got a list.
Now I know how you remember
And those moments that you choose
Will define me as a traitor
Stealing everything you lose.
If S4!Fuffy is more your thing, then we have When I Needed You by Carly Rae Jepsen and Crash and Burn by Maggie Lindemann to both capture Faith's jealousy and anger after waking up.
You picked him over me
And you left with no apology
Felt a knife in your back
Yeah, you thought I was the killer
You're looking in the mirror
Or for the Who Are You body-swapping soul-muddying you-and-I-have-begun-to-blur of it all: Bloodstream by Stateless.
Words can be like knives
They can cut you open
And the silence surrounds you
And haunts you
I think I might've inhaled you
I can feel you behind my eyes
You've gotten into my bloodstream
I can feel you floating in me
(Yeah, knives is another trigger word for the Fuffy bells)
To finish off, I'd like to bring us back to S3, and Graduation Day Part II. For me, this is the absolute peak of love and tragedy that makes their story what it is. Strawberry Gashes by Jack Off Jill is a great Buffy-POV song that expresses her feelings of wishing she have reached out and done something different to save Faith, while also understanding that it was Faith's choices that led them to this.
Scold me, failed her
If only I'd held on tighter
To her pale white skin
That twisted and withered away from me, way from me
Watch me lose her
It's almost like losing myself
Give her my soul
And let them take somebody else, get away from me
Watch me fault her
"You're living like a disaster"
She said, "kill me faster"
With strawberry gashes all over, all over me
But if there's one song that works for both of them at this moment, it's Switchblade by LP. If I had a gun to my head and was forced to pick one song to sum up Fuffy, it would be Switchblade by LP. Both the mood and lyrics manage to capture the soul of it - the wistfulness and melancholy, the lost love and lost innocence, the doom and destiny, the pain that comes intertwined with affection. The homosexual yearning. Seriously, go listen to Switchblade by LP.
We were electric
We were wild, we were free
And I thought that you meant it
It's hard to accept it
That it's not meant to be
But I'll never regret it
I don't, I don't
No, I don't, I don't
Long live the beautiful hearts
Who find love and tear it apart
Long live the beautiful hearts
Who find love and tear it apart
All of the hurt you've been hiding away
Cuts me at once like a switchblade
So take every stab you can take
And I'll give it to ya, give it to ya
I always knew that you'd cut me someday
I fell in love with a switchblade
And I know that you did the same
And I'll give it to ya, give it to ya
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Need to talk a bit about how important Bangel was as a ship to me when I was a tween. Because even though I prefer Spuffy and Fuffy now, and find Angel's early character to be a little dull and flat, theirs was still the first ship I remember being truly feral over. I recorded my first viewing of Becoming Pt 2 and wore the VHS out rewatching that episode.
And I think a huge part of that hyperfix, despite me not really being attracted to "boys" without fully understanding why at the time, was how much Angel was a part of the whole "flipped gender roles" the show was going for. Because back in the 90s, or hell even nowadays, the only male characters who were constantly needing to be rescued were scrawny nerd guys or fragile old men. And if a woman was a hero she was mostly rescuing either other, usually more petite, women - or kids. Angel was a very feared and powerful vampire, but the show brilliantly laid out the reason for why he's not the hero of the show in the first episode.
"Because I'm afraid."
Courage is typically seen as a "masculine" trait, particularly in the context of battle, yet it's Buffy - the sixteen year old cheerleader - who is braver than the two hundred year old vampire. To quote my favorite Doctor; "Courage isn't a matter of not being frightened. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway." Buffy is still afraid but she doesn't let that fear hold her back like Angel does. Also I think the fact Angel is humble enough to admit this to someone who is still a stranger at this point is pretty damn attractive. Hell, just the fact that he never complains about feeling emasculated or sidelined by Buffy constantly rescuing him or taking the lead in fights is Very Sexy, and I say that as a lesbian. It's one thing him and Spike have in common, these two are both proud simps for their queen (Spike probably a little more) and to this day I still don't see enough of Strong Man Saved By Even Stronger Girlfriend than I would like and why mlw ships rarely do anything for me because this show altered my brain chemistry so much. I will never not swoon at Buffy saying "No one hurts my boyfriend!" in What's My Line. Seriously, how often do you get to see the girl be the Protective Alpha in a mlw ship?! Not enough. Also I think it's telling how the least popular Buffy ships were involving the guys who did seem to take issue with the whole "not being man enough to be her equal" thing....*clears throat*
But as well as the fact he's the one being saved, he also owes most of his growth to her. When people say "Angel couldn't have existed without Buffy" it's true in both the meta sense but also who Angel was between S1 and S3. He starts off as someone too crippled by fear and guilt to act and cleaves to Buffy as his chance of redemption, starts to get more involved with the Scoobies only to eventually be trapped in his own body (and then Hell), then ends basically flying the coop to his own adventures. Even though Angel starts off as a mysterious guide and support role, in a way he ends up being her protégé because he learns how to be a hero from watching her. I truly believe she's what inspires him to stop lurking in the shadows and Do Something, which eventually leads to him getting his own show where he can be a more traditional hero (sometimes to the level of missing the whole point about gender roles of the OG show but we'll leave that for another rant).
Honestly imagine the reactions if they made a show like Buffy today, considering the vitriol haters have for something like the Barbie movie, or any female Marvel / Star Wars character just existing.
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i didn’t know you were into faith/buffy, i hope you’re having fun with your fic adventures! i have to ask, as a fuffy fic enjoyer, myself; any fuffy fics that really jump out at you? any personal favourites, that you’ve found yourself really enjoying?
ah i’ve just scrolled down a bit further and see you’ve already given some recs! i shall peruse there, but still, if you’ve got a (or some) fic(s) in mind you just want to have a little rant about, compliment, make mention of to other people, please go ahead! i’m always interested to hear your thoughts, provided you’re interested in sharing
lol you discovered my buffy/faith fic rec post already, hope you find something good!
hmmm I've really listed all the ones I've read and liked recently. but I do wonder about some of the fics I read decades ago
because Buffy/Faith was one of the very first f/f ships I ever really encountered and read fics for, back in yesteryear of like 2001. I was 10 or 11 and reading probably T-rated fics on my family computer, as I was apparently much braver as a child than I am now. I have zero recollection of what any of the fics or authors I was reading back then, but it really sent me down the fandom rabbithole from which I have never emerged
it was back before AO3, when FF.net was first taking off, so a lot of fics were on other websites that have often disappeared from the internet in the intervening years, taking a whole bunch of fandom history with them. I didn't write fic back then, was just a reader, but man if one of my fics was wiped off the face of the internet one day, that would make me really sad
I wonder if there was one fic, one that really hooked me and made me click on one more fic, one more author profile. what was it like? was it set in season 3 or in some other universe? does it still exist on the internet now? does the author still write? do they remember their old fic fondly? I hope they do
idk, this pairing, more than any other, makes me very nostalgic
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Fuffy
Yes I ship it :)
What made you ship it?
TWO GIRLS IN ALL THE WORLD!!! THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EXIST TOGETHER BUT THEY DO!!! THE DARK & LIGHT, 2 HALVES OF A WHOLE! SHADOW SELVES! I loveeee ships that are thematically exciting <33 And I just adore Faith's arc. She's obsessed with Buffy because she wants to be her, she wants Buffy's love & respect. Like........their fucking final fight scene on the roof. Ugh, it is one of my favorite scenes not just in Buffy but in literally any show ever. And the way that Faith comes back the second she hears that Buffy needs her!! The way that they work together in season 7 & they have all this shared history & they're the only two slayers at full power mentoring these young girls....I just love them sm
What are your favorite things about the ship?
I love that they are SO either powerful together or trying to tear each other apart. When they work together they are unstoppable. When they're against each other it's a terrifying match. Like.......Ships like that just get me <3
Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?
Eh not that I can think of? That I think they should have a threesome with Spike? That I think people who hate on one or the other for the way things fell apart are missing the point? But those aren't really so unpopular lol
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new fuffy fic alert!!! find it here -> ao3
Summary:
Buffy and Faith had been together for a while now. Everyone knew a few simple rules of their relationship: don’t join them on patrol, Faith gets jealous at basically everyone who looks at Buffy, and Buffy enjoys it a lot. It’s probably like their kind of foreplay.
(Don’t ask about it.)
These rules have existed from the moment they began dating. What everyone was previously unaware of, though, was Buffy’s own jealously. Faith’s been working at the Bronze as a bartender and occasionally as a bouncer for a few weeks now, and there’s been this girl showing up the last few nights to talk to Faith. It’s getting weird.
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i was wondering, do you have any fuffy songs? or songs you like to listen to that make you think of btvs while you write?
I think this is as good an excuse as any to share my Fuffy playlist.
66 songs, constructed in a particular order to roughly tell the Faith/Buffy story from start to finish. Some of them are more Fuffy within themsleves than others. Special mention to Anything Like Me by Poppy, Switchblade by LP, Speak Your Mind by Alice Merton and Strawberry Gashes by Jack of Jill for being obviously written about Fuffy specifically.
As for writing music, I like to avoid music that makes me think too much, because that'll distract me from thinking about the actual words I need to write. Go-to writing music is usually high tempo techno, or Beethoven.
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Shockingly, @king-of-fuffies , I do have a WIP. I'm not happy with it and the last seven lines aren't good. But still. I have one.
Truly, this is a blessed existence. No worries, no cares, no threats..
The Final Destination shakes.
That shouldn't be possible. No one can find this place without-
The Final Destination shakes again.
Impossibility doesn't help now. Reality flickers rapidly, the scene changing just long enough for the barest glimpse of the attacks. Castles, nations, entire worlds, all being consumed by ever-expanding black spheres. Each loss heralded by an explosion so powerful it shakes an infinite nothing.
i don't really have anyone else to ping to see their WIPs, so, uh. I guess the chain ends with me.
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OK for the WIP ask game, I esp wanna know more about - more than these actually, but to keep it to a manageable ask....
5. Fuffy Catholic boarding school
9. Fuffy Hope in a bottle
16. Echo Fuffy fake marraige
22. Fuffy 2020
24. Gender wishverse
Send me an ask with a title that intrigues you from my list of wip's and I'll tell you something about it or post a snippet from it.
Fuffy Catholic boarding school:
This one is summarized here, but since you asked, here is a snippet:
Buffy’s got one arm propped up by Faith’s head, leaning in so close that Faith can feel Buffy’s warm breaths on her cheek. The little gold saint medal Buffy never takes off from around her neck brushes Faith’s neck where it hangs. Faith flinches slightly, half expecting it to burn her. Crosses and holy water and medals with saints on them are supposed to hurt evil and sinful creatures, and Faith’s never considered herself to be anything but. And sure, Faith’s never gotten hurt touching any of that stuff before, but she’s also never had Buffy, the pride and joy of St. Cecilia’s school, straddling Faith in her own bed before, looking like a literal angel with her curly blonde head and her virginal white school-issued nightgown.
Faith’s never had such dirty, sinful thoughts in her whole entire life, feeling Buffy’s strong thighs snug around her hips and looking up into Buffy’s green eyes, dark but with a hint of surprise, like she thought this was gonna feel wrong, and can’t believe how right it feels. Faith’s half expecting lightning to strike her dead right then and there for even so much as considering touching Buffy freaking Summers. There’s a cross on the wall behind her own head and a couple of nuns asleep three doors down for fuck’s sake. And then Buffy is kissing her. It’s close-mouthed and impossibly soft, just a gentle brush of Buffy’s lips against Faith’s own, but it’s still enough to make Faith believe in the existence of Heaven. Perhaps there’s something holy here after all.
And if there isn’t? Faith tangles her hands in Buffy’s hair, kissing her back more firmly. If this is what descending into hell feels like, Faith hopes she gets to stay for all eternity. If hell is where they’re already headed, there’s nothing they can do about that now. So they may as well enjoy the fall.
Echo Fuffy fake marriage:
Summarized here. Snippet for you below:
Faith needs to move, to distract her mind from these dangerous thoughts because yeah, it is dangerous to want something she can never have, especially as desperately as she wants Buffy. She scoots around Buffy, tugging the door shut behind herself as she walks further into the room. The sound of the latch clicking into place helps hammer home that she and Buffy are now alone in this romantic place for newlyweds. This ‘sex room’ as Buffy called it.
Faith flips on the lights as she passes the switch, saving them from the romantic lighting at least. It does help dull the atmosphere the staff tried to create, though only slightly.
Buffy still hasn’t moved. “They think we’re going to have sex. They set this up for us to have sex in. All of this is for sex things to happen. Between us,” Buffy babbles.
“Well, yeah, B,” Faith says easily, as if she weren't thinking the same thing (and feeling way less horrified about it). “That’s what people tend to do at places like this.”
Fuffy Hope in a bottle:
Buffy: hey whats up?
It takes ten minutes, but she eventually gets a text back.
Faith: that was the longest skating lesson ever. was starting to worry u fell through the ice
Buffy: thats not even possible lol
Buffy: also i didnt realize u were waiting for me
Faith: i wasnt
Her defensiveness only makes it seem like she really was waiting for Buffy, which is kind of weird. Maybe Faith’s some kind of friendless loser who was waiting by the phone for days for Buffy to text her back because the only person she has to talk to is Buffy.
Fuffy 2020:
Faith tries again, “Look, B—”
“Faith, just drop it, okay? I’m not going back to your place. It really sucks being somewhere I’m obviously not wanted. You were right. I’m an adult, I’ll figure it out.”
Faith chews on her lip, trying to decide how she can convince Buffy to come home with her. She can’t just let Buffy sleep in this park or a homeless shelter or something. Especially not in the middle of a freaking pandemic. She needs to—she could smack herself on the forehead, she can’t believe she’s being so stupid. Buffy literally told her what she needed to hear. “I missed you, too,” Faith blurts before she can talk herself out of saying it.
Gender wishverse:
My Buffy Summers is non-binary post will be posted eventually (after I finish writing it), my Wishverse!Buffy fuels my non-binary Buffy head canon meta post can be found here, and my previous answer about this fic can be found here, but since you asked, here is a little more info about this fic!
Originally I was planning to make this into a Faith/Buffy fic but that idea has been evolving. Honestly when I first started writing fic I was set on making everything Faith/Buffy, and even though I haven't been posting that long I've already changed my mindset on that haha. I like multiple ships so why not write them? And not everything I write needs to be ship-centric. We'll see where I end up once I actually start writing but currently I think this idea lives in my head as a Buffy and Anya friendship fic. My thoughts regarding Anya and gender are that she's over 1,00 years old and has certainly seen non-binary people before and would be so over the fact that people keep trying to erase them from history. Plus, Anya is aware of the Wishverse she's created. Two reasons for Buffy to reach out to Anya (even though she still kind of wants to be evil) and get some answers and help thinking through this :)
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Buffy for the character asks?
General opinion/how much I care about them: What can I say about Buffy Summers? When she was fifteen years old a representative of an ancient mystical order told her that she alone had the power to stop bad things from happening in the world, thereby confirming something she had hitherto only strongly suspected. She had to keep a fundamental part of her life secret from the world for years but she never learned how to tell a convincing lie because she was too busy thinking up puns. She had a 95th percentile SAT score despite mostly studying in between fighting vampires in a cemetery every night and cutting classes to sneak out of school and fight yet more vampires during the day. All her favorite teachers died or never noticed she existed. She is both a quintessential only child and somebody who would fight a god to save her annoying little sister. She blackmailed the management of a fast food chain so that they would let her keep doing a minimum wage job she hated with co-workers whose last names she can’t remember. She burned down her old high school gym and blamed it on mice and blew up her new high school library while she was at her graduation ceremony and she sunk her hometown into a giant hole in the desert and drove away in a school bus. She died twice before she turned twenty-one. She is one of my favorite fictional characters in any medium.
A ship I love: I didn’t really talk about why I love Fuffy in my Faith answer, so let me try now.
Of all of Buffy’s shadow selves, Faith is the one who spends the most time actually in her shadow. She doesn’t get later character development that takes her in a different direction and makes her her own person; she didn’t start out as something else entirely and get reworked later when the plot required it. She doesn’t even get the illusion of a family and moments of happiness, like Drusilla has in Season 2. When Faith’s not hanging out with Buffy she’s sitting alone in her motel room or lying in a coma or counting down the months in jail. She exists to be a version of Buffy who is not Buffy, who is worse than Buffy, who doesn’t have friends or family or any external support. That’s really all she is. And she knows it. And she hates it. How could she not? “You get the Watcher, you get the Mom, you get the little Scooby gang … what do I get?”
Because Faith is Buffy – the part of Buffy who never came back after she ran away from home and got kicked out of school; the part who can admit to craving a little more than low-fat yogurt after a night patrolling; the part that never got to make friends with Xander and Willow in Season 1 and never had a Watcher who cared about her – so on a fundamental level Fuffy is about Buffy accepting those suppressed and hidden angry parts of herself. But it’s also about Faith accepting the forgotten and ignored parts of herself that are present in Buffy: the idea that she can be a hero, that there are people in the world who care about her, that there are people who she can trust. It’s about asking what if all of the Season 3 subtext – Faith’s whole arc this season paralleling Angel’s a year ago, and “what are friends for?” and “It’s kind of a Slayer thing”, and Joyce marching in the Slayer Pride Parade – was text, and what if the show existed in a world where the characters could act on it?
And because of how Season 3 turns out, it’s also about Buffy and Faith forgiving themselves, and each other, for doing almost unforgivable things to each other. Because there were never meant to be two of them, and they’ve never been able to tell each other what they mean, and because “kill me, you become me”, but she tried and it didn’t help. And it’s about crappy presents and knives to the throat and forehead kisses and shared dreams and hopelessly entangled destinies. It’s ”She could be terrified. Maybe [...] she’s sorry and she’s alone” and “You think you matter, you think you’re a part of something, and then you get dumped” and “All my life there was one person who tried to be my friend” and “I tried so hard to help you and you spat on me” and “Willow said you needed me. Didn’t really give it much thought.”
As much as I wish Faith was in Season 7 more, part of me is glad that this is all we got, because I really don’t think the show could ever have done all this justice. And the little we get is enough to make me a bit crazy.
A non-romantic relationship that I love: I already talked about Buffy and Willow, so I will try to subvert expectations a little here and go with Buffy and Giles. Not the fandom version of their relationship I like to complain about where Giles is an uncomplicated Good Dad, but the messy and complicated and heartbreaking version where he just won’t allow himself to be that person.
I mean, I think it’s very clear from the show that Giles really does care about Buffy far beyond the extent he is supposed to as a Watcher (he tries to go and fight the Master in her place! Even though he knows it would kill him! Even though this is Season 1 of the show and we’ve not yet seen Giles fight a single vampire!) but that everything about his training and his past tells him that he shouldn’t. Buffy cares about Giles a lot (“You can’t leave me, I can’t do this alone” / “it’s a little like having Mom back”) and it’s clear that she would really like Giles to be more involved in her life (she wants her Mom to invite him around for Christmas, she goes to his house for Thanksgiving, she tries so hard not to show how hurt she is when she confuses his attempts to be dispassionate with genuine disinterest) but Giles is convinced that he cannot be that sort of parental figure for Buffy and it would only hurt her if he tried, and so – by purposely distancing himself from her and not letting her get close to him– he ends up hurting her in exactly the way he fears.
And the tragedy is that I think Giles really does believe the line he keeps feeding Buffy about how important it is not to be “distracted” by “personal concerns”. When Quentin Travers told him he had “a father’s love” for Buffy, Travers meant it as a rebuke – and that’s exactly how Giles takes it. He thinks getting closer to Buffy would be bad for her! He thinks by leaving her in Season 6 he is helping her become self-reliant and a better Slayer! Of course he is wrong, but that’s what he thinks, and it is consistent with how he’s always thought. It’s not character assassination or some unjust subversion of his previously established personality: it is a natural and predictable and awful thing for him to do. And he does it because he cares about her and doesn’t know what to do about that! He thinks she’s a much better person than he is (“she’s a hero, you see. She’s not like us”) and he doesn’t want to bring her down to his level! “If you care so much about [these people], why didn’t you leave town?” Ethan asked him in The Dark Age, and Giles didn’t have an answer!
The NOTP: Going to cheat a bit here (honestly, mostly because it feels a bit mean to keep picking on Xander at this point), and say that the ship I don’t like isn’t with a specific person but rather with an idea that I see applied to all sorts of ships. Namely the idea – not supported at all by the text – that Buffy’s various romantic interests are Good People who teach Buffy important life lessons and make her a better person or protect her from the dangerous world around her. I mean, sorry, but this is not how it works! This is a boring fantasy you have projected onto the show in place of what it was actually telling you. The feminism of BtVS is paper-thin, but give it some credit!
In canon, Buffy absolutely does not learn from her boyfriends. She does not rely on them for emotional support. They all cause her more problems than they help her. She rescues them. She makes them better. Honestly her boyfriends all kind of suck. Because that’s her type! She likes losers with no friends who are kind of obsessed about Buffy Summers! (Losers just like Faith!)
Buffy textually hates it when Angel talks down to her: we see repeatedly how furious she gets when he treats her “like a kid” or makes important decisions about their relationship on her behalf. She doesn't mind physically upstaging Riley (“I was holding back a little”) and secretly likes it when he gets hurt because, to quote Dawn, “she says you look even cuter when you’re all weak and kitteny”. The iconic twin shots of Spike and Buffy in The Gift and After Life are deliberately staged so that Spike is looking up the stairs at Buffy and she is looking down at him (“you’re beneath me”, as she told him in Fool For Love). And as she says later in Conversations With Dead People: “Their opinions don’t matter. They don’t know. They haven’t been through what I’ve been through [...] I feel like I’m better than them. Superior.”
So, you know, the preferred power balance is pretty explicit here! I don’t think the show is being excessively subtle. And yet people keep insisting that, oh no, Buffy learns a lot from her boyfriends, or that she can’t possibly cope without their support, or writing fanfics where they swoop in to town to rescue Buffy from trouble. But that is not who Buffy is! She is not some unsophisticated naif or damsel in distress. She would hate that so much! Ship Buffy with whoever you want, but let her be Buffy!
… but also, yeah, rewatching the second season really reminded me how awful I’d have found Buffy/Xander and how glad I am that the show stops hinting at that after Becoming. Sorry, Xander. You can take solace in being … well, a loser with friends?
My biggest headcanon about them: Some time after Chosen Buffy definitely goes back to college and gets that English degree she deserves. I don’t want to think about Buffy living in a gloomy castle in Scotland and still being forever isolated from the world or about her becoming a cop with superpowers or whatever other nonsense the comics insist happens to her after the show ends. I want her to be able to have some time off and read some poetry and make Willow jealous academically.
An idea for a fanfiction I would like to write/read about them: One day I will finish my Season 7 rewrite in which Drusilla is the Big Bad and Faith gets broken out of prison earlier and Amy and Willow get to have a proper resolution and Kennedy is another Slayer from the start and Marcie and Ethan come back for cameos and people remember that Jesse and Kendra ever existed and Dawn actually gets something to do. But first I will probably have to start writing it.
Something that makes me think of them: Nothing makes me think of Buffy. I choose to be like this (for some reason).
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Exhibit Ch - Your honor they love each other! (fuffy)
This is a pro-fuffy BTVS rewatch series. Kendra Appreciation Post! Exhibit Ch is a bonus / catchup review about Scott Hope, Kendra, and a few non-Faith episode recos. Long post.
1. Remember how I wanted Scott Hope to get one more episode so Buffy could prioritize Faith over him? Scott is literally never seen again after 3.03. I wanna review Scott Hope. In exhibit B.10 I mentioned that Scott does seem particularly insightful. Here’s a text montage of all the great Scott moments. Imagine “I will remember you” playing in the background.
“Uh, I'm sorry. I'm a bad liar. It's not good for the soul.” (3.03)
“You're friends with Buffy, right?” - to Faith (3.03)
“Faith has been telling me tall tales.” (3.03)
“my mom says that therapy can be completely helpful.” - to Buffy (3.04)
“I hope you realize I don't actually know these people.” - jokingly about Pete and Debbie (3.04)
“It's just that you never really know what's going on inside somebody.” - about Pete and Debbie after they both die (3.04) Y’all he realized he didn’t actually know them.
“Before we were going out, you seemed so full of life, like a force of nature. Now you just seem distracted all the time, and… I’m really sorry” - dumping Buffy (3.05) Buffy agrees she has been distracted.
2. Scott - in what little we see of him - is very honest. He says he’s a bad liar, he realizes Faith’s stories are at least exaggerated, he’s pro-therapy. And he’s not just honest but he verbalizes it. The way he dumps Buffy, Scott’s so fucking honest. Scott is mentioned again in the show 3 times, twice more in S3 and then once in S7.
3. Remember Buffy’s traumatic therapy experience in 3.04? Well her next therapy session is to Holden the psych major and new vamp she very vaguely remembers from high school. In 7.07 (Conversations with Dead People) Holden says: “Scott Hope said you were gay… He says that about every girl he breaks up with. And then last year, big surprise, he comes out.” Buffy acts surprised at hearing this news, that he called her gay.
4. Granted, I could buy that Scott was repressed and gay in high school. But just because he came out eventually doesn’t mean he was lying. Also the “he says that about every girl” bit sounds OOC to me. Scott was insightful and honest when we saw him. I think this is the show queer-panicking again. “Oh no wait, Buffy can’t be gay! Or queer! Uhm….. yeah let’s add that Scott says that about every girl, oh yeah because he’s actually gay and therefore a lying liar.” Homophobic much? Silly show. Also am I picking and choosing to fit my argument? A little bit.
5. So in summary, Scott Hope is insightful and honest and calls Buffy gay, aka calls Buffy queer. She is so repressed / panicking that she is visually surprised by this in 7.07. Oh Buffy.
Alright, enough about Scott, let’s talk about Kendra!
6. Kendra is the Jamaican slayer that appears briefly in S2. The BTVS writers room was super white. There are several things they don’t do a great job with IMO, including the LA homeless scenes (3.01), queerness (in general and also being bi just doesn’t exist?), judaism, and sexual assault (*rages at multiple epis*). Sometimes the show is a little misogynistic (but not as bad as Angel, holy fuck that show) and a little racist. Or a lot. The racial diversity of the show is laughable, I mean late 90s California? Even in the LA episode (Anne 3.01) LA is just - mostly white? *cackles* (As a palate cleanser here’s a nice gifset featuring POC characters on BTVS and ATS.)
7. Interesting Black characters are given the short shrift, including Mr. Trick in S3. Kendra deserved better but at least we got a little glimpse of her. If you’re following along at home and but also trying to limit your BTVS intake, I recommend the following non-Faith-appearance catchup episodes: 2.09 (Kendra appears), 2.10 (Kendra heavy), 2.11 (the Ted episode), 2.21 (Becoming Part 1 - Kendra re-appears), 2.22 (Becoming Part 2 - to finish off the season). And 3.01 honestly, because limiting intake can be difficult, LOL.
8. ifeveristoday lays it out in this good short post on Kendra’s role / lore on the show, and how it could be better.
9. herinsectreflections explains Kendra is not one of Buffy’s shadow selves. This gifset by fuffygifs shows the scene parallel.
10. Kendra locks up Angel. Delight in her power over him, the way she laughs at him.
11. I vividly remember the scene where Buffy slow-motion runs through the school, it’s in the show openers. But what I had forgotten until this rewatch was that it’s her running to get back to everyone in the library, after her chat with Angelus in the cemetery, and she finds Kendra dead. (Because of Dru’s hypnosis powers.) My memory of the slow-mo was that Buffy’s so badass, but now it’s tinged with sadness bc she was trying and then fails to help / save her friends, including Kendra. Although really the only long-term damage is Kendra. *grumble*
12. OK the main scene I want to review is when Buffy and Kendra say goodbye in 2.10. Buffy calls herself a freak, which is a real insult in her mind. Kendra reassures her “not the only freak.” And then Buffy goes to hug Kendra, but Kendra doesn’t hug. So Buffy doesn’t. Can you imagine where this didn’t happen, like Kendra is OK with hugs. And then when Buffy meets Faith she hugs her at some point (not right away). Gah! They never hug right? Or Buffy isn't feeling like she caused Kendra's death and she's more open with Faith? (spuffygifs has the full gifset)
I gotta admit they did have chemistry.
OK, a smattering of links to Kendra gifsets I found:
nerd4music
dailybtvs
original andremichaux
andremichaux with tags people left
13. OK, a few thoughts on 3.01 Anne. Already unrealistic when it aired (Buffy somehow affords a studio apt on a waitress salary?) it’s achingly unrealistic now, in terms of money. Like Buffy would need 3 waitressing-type jobs and she’d still have 4 roomates in a craaap 2 BR apt that was falling apart.
14. SMG is giving a master class in acting in SO much of BTVS. The moment when she revolts is brilliant. Check it here (credit to deansmom and harrietvane and isagrimorie) proof that SMG made the acting choice, that it wasn’t that detailed in the script. (read the prev tags too, all of this is brilliant) Also we already know Buffy but this introduction of herself is great, on par with Faith-introducing-herself levels here. (the whole deansmom gifset and tags really sets the mood pre-"aggressive chipper shit talker" Buffy introducing herself)
I am not great at finding gifs on tumblr. Here are some bonus ones for prev exhibits:
Faith accidentally punching Buffy in 3.04. (Eliza apparently actually punched SMG IRL)
Faith shooting her shot in 3.05
Buffy’s unsure reaction in 3.05
No rating for this exhibit bc there’s no Faith. (Exhibit C had a they love each other rating of 2 out of 5.) Next exhibit will cover episode 3.07 Revelations. Exhibit Ch has been submitted, the prosecution rests for the day.
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Gonna be honest I still know nothing about the Show/Character, but for the bingo: Buffy?
Oh my GOSH nobody ever sends me asks about buffy and I love it / her so goddamn much
No bingo although we get close. Okay once more I feel bad about the top left corner but this time I feel justified bc so goddamn many people actually argue that ending the show w/ s5 would've been a good end to her character arc???? She literally commits suicide and in s7 it ends by destroying the source of her trauma and the whole world being open for her how the FUCK could you prefer the s5 ending. The most popular ship for her is spuffy which I ship so goddamn much and I also love fuffy which is pretty damn popular but I dislike bangel a lot, it's the most damaging relationship she was ever in you can't change my mind. Also: lbr Joss Whedon has been put through the mud for a reason, his (and the team he led's) writing often punishes buffy for just, like, existing as a woman, especially when it comes to her sexuality (as in, being sexually active, not her bi energy). As for adoption papers: I love Joyce, but she wasn't the mother that buffy needed, and I love Giles, but he wasn't the father buffy needed. I also wouldn't be the parent she needed but by God somebody should wtf
God I need to talk about buffy more y'all know I have a full length lecture written about the soul lore that ended up getting cancelled cause the whole con got cancelled? Rip
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