#fucking suicidal yesterday for the first time in a whole long time

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

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1. hey! I'm looking for non-specific Canon or canon divergence (MDZS verse) fics where Lan Wangji has a "he is adorable" or "he is cute" moment about Wei wuxian. or just lan wangji simping and having soft, rose tinted thoughts about wwx from his point of view >< @wutheringskies​

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2.  helloo!! i have a request for the next itmf. are there any fics where resurrected wwx has like a really bad flashback to his three months in burial mounds and juniors/lwj/or someone different witnesses it? thank u and love u @vicleey

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3. for the next itmf, do you have fics of either A) wwx not being adopted by the jiangs/him raised in other sects or B) wwx leaving the jiangs realizing he deserves better

3A)

Seen and not heard by eatmyass (E, 51k, WangXian, Case Fic, No Sunshot Campaign, AU in canon setting, Kid Fic, dadxian, Strangers to Lovers, Found Family, POV LWJ, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Time, Falling in love in metaphors)

this whole comp

3B)

🧡 Company by WithBroomBefore (T, 29k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together, POV LWJ, Fix-It, Pre-Canon, at least to start, WWX goes to Cloud Recesses, But Not In The Usual Way, fear of character death, Everybody Lives, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Light Angst, good teacher LQR, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, brief discussion of past minor character suicide, Kitten, Not YZY Friendly)

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4. I am back for more in the mood for requests! Thank you for everything you do.

I am in the mood for modern/au fics with a stand-in for wwx dying and getting resurrected. Such as him going missing, being presumed dead, being in witness protection, or leaving by his own volition. Any fic about modern/au lwj missing/mourning wwx and them getting reunited some time later. Preferably with lwj searching for wwx?

Anything works though. I would love to see all kinds of different takes on what his canon death could be in an au.

End Racism on the OTW || Yesterday Once More by Sweetlittlevampire (T, 22k, wangxian, modern au, reality show au, Long Lost Family au, adoption, family reunions, lost love, getting back together, family feels, angst w happy ending)

These Things Stay the Same by notevenyou (E, 29k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid Fic, Minor Character Death, Injury, Natural Disasters, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Accidents, These Things Stay the Same [Podfic] by Rionaa)

please accept this fried chicken and my feelings by thelastdboy (G, 4k, wangxian, modern, Reunions, Marriage Proposal, Trans Male Character, Trans WWX, Single Parent WWX, Mental Health Issues, Medication, allusions to past suicide attempt, Light Angst w Happy Ending, Alcohol, Drunk LWJ)

always on my mind series by sami (E, 37k, wangxian, LWJ/others, LWJ & JYL, modern, family, sexual tension, grief, superstar musician LWJ, fluff, children, pregnancy, parenthood)

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5. Hi! Thank you for all your hardwork <33 ITMF for jealous/possessive WWX, but no post-canon fics please. Thank you!

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6. Hello! ITMF Gusu lecture era smut? Like, teasing in class, getting distracted in the library, dorm room shenanigans, etc. Preferably longer fics like “ Straight at the Sun ” by diamondbruise, but short pwp would be nice too! Thanks so much!

Fentao-laoshi’s Guide to Cut-Sleeve Pleasures by occultings (microcomets) (E, 31k, wangxian, canon divergence, pining while fucking, friends with benefits, first time, cloud recesses study arc, practice kissing, sharing a bed, jealousy, getting together, confessions, happy ending)

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7. Hi 👋  Thank you sooooo much for finding that fic for me," Turn Left " 😁 its exactly what i was looking for.

Please can you recommend fics that are similar 🙏Thank you 😊 

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8. any lan zhan POVs? bonus points for those delicious misunderstandings @chellsky​

Concord by Deastar (T, 41k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Depression, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut)

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, Persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing)

The Scarlet Lotus by rainbowninja167 (M, 137k, WangXian, Marriage of Convenience, Secret Identity, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical war crimes, Yunmeng Bros, the mortifying ordeal of getting seduced by your own husband, nonlinear chronology we die like cql, just kidding nobody dies in this fic, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication)

Caffeine, Small Talk by mistergoblin (E, 144k, WangXian, Modern AU, Friends With Benefits, Enemies to Lovers, or more accurately: frenemies to fuckbuddies to lovers, Angst and Fluff and Smut, touch-starved lwj, Slow Burn, high levels of sexual tension, Misunderstandings, Getting to Know Each Other, Switching, Bottom LWJ, bottom WWX, slight D/s, Happy Ending, side yanqing, lwj’s patented horny grip, Sub LWJ)

Mad about the Boy by TriviasFolly (M, 62k, wangxian, 1950s America au, greaser WWX, historical smoking, historical viewpoints, angst, internal struggle, pre-relationship, historical homophobia, sexual awakenings, sexual exploration, self-discorvery journey, self-love journey, gay academia, teenage dramatics)

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9. Hello, for the next itmf, are there any fic where WY is just losing it and just went mad or traumatized. But not in the the way that he become brutal and jusf killing people.

Sorry if this is weird. Thank uu

of all the hands by typefortydeductions (E, 51k, wangxian, canon divergence, arranged marriage, emperor LXC, PTSD, nightmares, dual cultivation, mental health issues, fluff & angst, consensual non-con, pining, politics)

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10. Love love LOVE fics where Yu Ziyuan gets her way and Wei Wuxian is removed from the Jiang Sect, only for Yu Ziyuan to run the Jiang right into the dirt while the whole world sings the praises of Wei Wuxian, who can now reach his true potential without having to scrape and knowtow to Yu Ziyuan's temper. I need more of them. I need ALL of them.

... Or I guess really just any fics where WWX ends up standing above Yu Ziyuan.

If Wishes Were Donkeys by NightOwl1 (M, 93k, WIP, WangXian, SVSSS, Time Travel Fix-It, Case Fic, Mpreg, Fluff and Humor, Dysfunctional Jiāng Family, Bad Parent YZY, WangXian Get a Happy Ending,   Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, It’s All The System’s Fault, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Warning: JGS, Good Uncle LQR, LWJ and WWX Are LSZ’s Parents, Inappropriate Humor, Family Feels)

💖  Light Source by abCEE (M, 31k, wangxian, not Jiang friendly, no golden core transfer, fall of the jiang sect, happy ending)

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11. I don't mind Best Jiujiu Jiang Cheng, but it's starting to bug me that everybody seems to forget it's not canon (CQL notwithstanding ig) so I'm asking for post-canon fics that acknowledge Wei Wuxian as Jin Ling's actual favorite uncle. It doesn't need to be Jiang Cheng bashing or anything like that really, I just want Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian feels and bonding that are NOT Yunmeng Bro reconciliation or focused on Jiang Cheng. I won't say NO to some Jiang Cheng bashing, but I'd prefer the focus be on Jin Ling and his ACTUAL Best Jiujiu Wei Wuxian.

Rotten Work by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 64k, JL & WWX, wangxian, post-canon, protective WWX, protective JL, JC & WWX reconciliation, reluctant matchmaker JL, pre-JL/LJY)

i won’t let you down (give me what i need) by orphan_account (Not rated, 2k, JL & WWX)

Questioning by Rainewritesfanfics (T, 1k, JL & WWX, Crushes, Bisexuality, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Family Fluff, Good Uncle WWX, JL pov, Queer Themes)

The Truth (Untold) by anxiouswreck0_0 (G, 3k, JL & WWX, wangxian, canon divergence, Canonical Character Death, Fix-It, JL & WWX talk, JL centric, JL & WWX bonding, wangxian being shameless)

in which Jin Ling is tragically underappreciated by Buttercup_ghost (Not rated, <1k, JL & WWX, wangxian, post-canon, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Matchmaking, Time Travel, Good Nephew JL, Humor, Mild Homophobia from Jiang Cheng but it gets shut down, Supportive NHS, NHS Is A Little Shit, BAMF JL, Cloud Recesses Study Arc)

a reconstruction by JaggedCliffs (G, 7k, JL & WWX, JL & JZX, Uncle-Nephew Bonding, Family, JL learns more about his parents, he also learns that his family committed past atrocities, Jin Ling is going through it)

of past and present by Here_For_This (This_Rocks_My_Socks) (T, 6k, JL & WWX, wangxian, Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, bad unlce JC, not JC friendly, Discussions of moving on, Implied/Referenced Torture, brief mentions of Wei Wuxian’s cynophobia, Implied/Referenced Character Death, self-care, Hopeful Ending)

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12. Can I get some relationship reveal fics pls

The F-Word by raspberrymocha (M, 10k, WangXian, Modern AU, Family Dynamics, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Humor, Fluff, Light Angst, Weddings, Engagement, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Sex, 5+1 Things, Heteronormativity)

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13. Hi! Are there any canon-era fics where Lan Zhan and Wei Ying feel each other’s pain and/or an injury on one shows up on the other? Can be a soulmate au or a spell or the like. Thank you!

You'd Break Your Heart to Make It Bigger by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 32k, wangxian, soul bonding, first time, case fic, fools in love, soul boning, pining while fucking)

Sunder by naqaashi (E, 32k, wangxian, canon divergence, soulmate au, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Heavy Angst w Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Pining, Smut, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Porn w Feelings, Porn W Plot, Light BDSM, Edgeplay, Multiple Orgasms, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Rimming, Fix-It Temporarily Unrequited Love, ,First Time, First Kiss, LWJ pov, Sunshot Campaign, YLLZ WWX, Dom LWJ, sub WWX, Marathon Sex, Lube, Whump, LWJ Whump, Canon Jiang Cheng Characteristics, Angry JC, Good Sibling JYL, Good Sibling LXC, hurt LWJ, hurt WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, switch wangxian, Light Dom/sub, Cuddling & Snuggling, WWX Whump, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Grief/Mourning, Five Stages of Grief, Suicidal Thoughts)

Flowers of pain by CorkaHadesa (M, 16k, wangxian, canon divergence, soulmates au, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, LWJ pov, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, not YZY friendly, not JC friendly, not Jiang friendly, Bad Sibling JC, Bad Sibling JYL, Protective LWJ, Protective LXC, Protective LQR, Bad Parenting, Healing, Family Issues, Child Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Happy Ending, WIP)

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14. Hello! For the "I'm in the mood for" section, I was looking for long fics where wwx or lwj (or both) have a disability. Any of them would do, I'm not picky. The longer the better, and if the fanfic has an M/E rating, I would prefer it if it's canon dynamics. Thank you so much for your hard work! :D

the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 88k, WIP,   WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol   Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days) chronic pain

some things go forward by everythingispoetry (T, 73k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hospitals, Teenage Drama, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending)

we’re starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 92k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Golden Core Reveal, Burial Mounds, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Starvation, emaciation, Cannibalism, Self-Harm, Amputation, Suicidal Thoughts, Sunshot Campaign, let JZX and WWX be friends club) WWX loses a leg & gets a prosthetic

no new age Series by everythingispoetry (M/T, 145k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Permanent Injury, Recovery, Disability, Parenthood,   Character Study, Thirteen Years of WWX’s Death, Families of Choice)

Mod Kay: i also have a collection for stories where wwx loses his hand

The Martial Arts Instructor Fic You Didn’t Know You Needed by enbysaurus_rex (M, 423k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, WWX & Wen remnants, WQ & WWX & WN, modern, martial arts, everyone lives au, not canon compliant, WWX has ADHD, autistic LWJ, pining, enby WWX, implied/referenced alcoholism, PTSD, slow burn, chronic illness, found family, polyamory negotiations, JC & WWX reconciliation, Single Parent WWX, Single Parent LWJ) I know I recommend this fic all the time but it’s my fav so - neurodivergent disabilities, chronic pain/injury & illness Can also apply to #4 because wwx fakes his death and lwj raises a-yuan

The Darkness Before Dawn by PsycheStellata707 (M, 113k, WIP, WangXian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Time Travel, Attempt at Humor, PTSD, Oblivious WWX, WWX-centric, Blind WWX, Sentient Burial Mounds, Self-Indulgent, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Oblivious Pining, Not Canon Compliant)

🧡 close your eyes, feel my heartbeat by ThatDesiGirl (T, 11k, WangXian, blind!WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rewriting Canon, not a fix-it but a what-if, Golden Core Transfer, Romance, Pining)

Disabled WangXian Comp

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15. Any fics where Jin zixun succeeds in killing wwx and being lazy and callous realizes he doesn't have a gift for the party and presents wwx's as his own instead. Maybe he is immediately found out cause someone recognizes wwx's handwriting on it or whatever. Or maybe jl grows up with it and adores it cause there isn't a wwx stigms attached and like it saves his life many times, people constantly saying whoever gave it to him must of really loved him. And then he finds out the truth

a symbol to remind you that there’s more to see by paperminds (T, 9k, JL & WWX, JC & WWX, JL & JC, post-canon, canon typical violence, hurt/comfort, angst w happy ending, JC & WWX reconciliation) this one (from 2 itmfs back) is 'similar' the  other way, jin ling grows up thinking his mom commissioned the bracelet. for #15, i think i've never read a fic with jin zixun specifically stealing jin ling's gift, so i hope op gets recs, but otherwise it might be a cool prompt for the kinkmeme!sadly i cant find the 'similar' fic i want to rec lol 🤦‍♀️ its the one with ghost rogue wwx who was (spoiler) killed due to jin negligence in a nighthunt iirc, and jin zixun steal all his notes and passes them off as his own. wx have a different first meeting and lwj investigates wwx's death.

asymptotic by chinxe (T, 26k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Pining) The fic the previous reccer for 15 is looking for is Asymptotic!

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16. ITMF fics with protective LXC. Maybe he goes against JGY because he dares to hurt LWJ and that's where he crosses the line. But I mainly want protective LXC over his brother (and maybe a bit dark?)

A Little Fall of Rain by Just_a_Girl_in_a_Crystal (T, 47k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, canon divergence, fix-it , Angst w happy ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Temporary Character Death, Not Everyone Dies au, Grief/Mourning, Lan Wangji’s awesome family, Golden Core Reveal, Protective LXC, Protective LQR, WIP) ooh idk fics where lxc actively opposes jiggy/discovers his actions, but for now, i have these for 16. protective lxc starts to mistrust ppl who aren't lwj

The blame game by apathyinreverie (T, 13k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, WWX & WQ, LXC & WWX, canon divergence, fix-it, time travel, Possessive LWJ, Oblivious WWX, Fluff, Siblings, Romance, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Fix) general protectiveness with the power of hindsight

Alternative Choices by StarClearWaters (Readoutloud) (T, 20k, wangxian, LXC/WQ, Time Travel, LXC pov, Protective LXC, Temporary Character Death, Butterfly Effect, Mpreg, Panic Attacks)

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17. Hi!!!!! For the next itmf I’d like some secret relationship wangxian. Preferably canon or canon adjacent, definitely not ABO tho. Thank you!

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

[mugenloopdalove]

Honestly, the majority of s/is on here are pretty basic (my own included). Nobody's trying to win the Booker prize here, we're just having fun. You could have the best written s/i in the world and they still wouldn't get much attention because you're so pushy for interaction. You're scaring the hoes (casual anons) by suicide baiting and acting like your mental health hinges on getting the right kind of ask at the right time. We're all just here to have fun...

I think constantly making fun posts about your s/i and letting your followers get to know them organically is the key to making people love them. There's no magic bullet to force it. I still don’t know anything about Theil's bond with Astarion aside from "lets him drink their blood in a horny way".

I mean. My sui stuff yesterday was a genuine HUGE breakdown bc like. I had a lot happen at once the past week or so and then one thing kind of broke the camels back. Still wasn't good but I was genuinely so low I wanted to just be gone

And I feel like others get way more than me sometimes but talking w some others I realized it's. Confirmation bias and it's harder to see someone NOT getting something than it is to see someone getting it.

Oh gosh theil's Astarion thing is. Like.

The reason they literally let him KILL THEM the first time he fed in them was bc it was the first real physical content they had in ages it was hardly even that horny (not that it wasn't a lil. They're a big ol slut.) it was just. Holy fuck there is someone else touching me for once. Everything feels distant and fuzzy but I don't care if he's not touching me I think I'll die anyway.

Then just. The way she talked to them. The attention. The praise. The not only not getting mad if they did something a bit morally fucked but ENCOURAGING it. Everything about it was PERFECT to them. So of course they jump at the first chance for sex and eat up when they get closer.

And then seeing Astarion vulnerable and realizing that. I can protect them. At that point they were already pretty much in love. Which is why the whole "Isn't it nice not to know" thing drives them up the FUCKING WALL and eventually leads to a lot of tension between them because NO. ITS NOT NICE. I WANT TO KNOW. ARE YOU SERIOUS OR NOT.

It's also what leads to them sleeping w Mizora like it's absolutely not the not having sex for so long thing it's wanting to feel something more for once and maybe she'll show me that. She didn't and it leads to more rockiness.

From like. Late act 2 to act 3 the two kind of. Bicker a lot. A LOT. The stress is breaking both of them and lack of actual communication of their feelings is making the whole situation a mess. But. After Cazador they both kind of realize. We have to work a lot of things out. They def talk a LOT after the graveyard sex about just... How they both feel about a lot of things (and Astarion offered to throw Theil's parents caskets into the river-they absolutely do this later). They still have a lot of tense moments and still argue more than they should because they're both just. Still kind of wrecks that let tadpoles eat a good chunk of their brains. But it's still like... Overall happy and loving even if they sometimes bring out the worst in each other

[the-alchemys]

personal post about my ex so if you’re triggered by toxic relationships/emotional abuse/physical abuse/suicide, please don’t feel like you have to read anything below

I’m so just fucking fed up with him and this whole situation. Long story short, we moved in together in 2020 and he was just rude and disrespectful to my family and friends and isolated me from them to control me and keep me from running away (I was heavily abused as a child and tend to stay in bad situations because I’m terrified to leave) along with refusing to work and help me make my bills. I had to work full time in retail while doing my masters to make ends meet on top of relying on government assistance. Last year after my masters graduation, I found out that he had been cheating on me with someone that he met online and I ended our engagement, but allowed him to stay in the apartment because I felt guilty kicking him out and was suicidal at the time so I didn’t trust myself to be alone.

Well in the year that proceeded, he refused to get a job and all of the bills fell into my lap and became my responsibility on top of working full time at a job that refused to provide benefits (including sick time - if I got sick I had to take the day off with no pay) and payed well below the average for those in the field and with my educational background.

we were on the verge of being evicted because I wasn’t able to pay rent, buy groceries, or even feed my pets on top of him “needing” weed and his nicotine to function properly. Without them, he was incredibly abusive and would guilt me into buying them when we had nothing. I took out loans to make ends meet and it still wasn’t enough.

So I moved out of the apartment, payed off the rent I owed, and officially ended everything because I was tired of the abuse and feeling like I was worth nothing (mind you this happened the week of my eras tour show so I was exhausted and drained from that on top of all of that) to move in with my older brother who has let me live with him since so I can get back on my feet.

Thankfully I’ve repayed all of the loans I took out thanks to my new job which pays well and has benefits, and because I don’t have to spend at least $150 a week on his weed and nicotine (it used to be alcohol but I made him stop). It’s been five months since this all happened and he’s still bothering me to this day, to the point I’m debating changing my phone number so he and his family leave me alone.

I went to a few concerts recently and his aunt told him I was “cheating” on him - even though I ended things in July and was under the impression that he was moving on with his life - and he has been non stop messaging me since.

He even messaged me on discord on Christmas threatening to kill himself because I was “toying with him” and “leading him on”. I ignored his texts and went on and didn’t even check discord until today (the conversation was muted) because I flew to DC yesterday to visit my best friend for the first time in a year. I woke up to text coco and he had sent me over 100 messages calling me a whore, a liar, and then was telling me how much he loves me, how I’m “his ideal girl”, and that he wasn’t useless, amongst other things.

I know I can just block him, but it’s always been difficult for me to do something like that as I was taught by my grandmother and mom to love my abusers and to forgive them for what they’ve done - but my mom was also heavily abused by my dad and her family so it’s unintentional. I’m just so frustrated about the whole situation and I just want him to leave me alone but he just won’t.

My family and friends have been so incredibly supportive of me and doing everything in their power to keep me safe from him and I’m so grateful. I’m also so glad I’m in DC with my best friend because I feel safer than I have in quite a while (he knows where my family lives but doesn’t know where I live exactly). I haven’t felt this scared since I was stalked in college by someone who refused to take no as an answer and I got a restraining order and still felt unsafe.

I’m just lost and feeling like I can’t escape the guilt that I’m feeling, because I know that if he does commit suicide, his family will blame me for it. He’s always been this way and I just can’t do it anymore. I just want him to leave me alone.

I’m really sorry for the long rant and for talking about such sensitive topics, but I really needed to get it off my chest. It’s been lingering in my mind for so long and has been weighing heavily on me. He made me cry on Christmas and has made me feel like this is all my fault even though he put us both in the situation we were in.

If you read this, I’m doing okay physically and mentally and I’m in a safe place. I just needed to vent and get this off my chest, it’s been so hard for me to try and move past it….

#personal post #pls don’t read if abuse (emotional and physical) suicide or anything like that is triggering to you #also I’m so sorry to my moots who will read this bc I’ve never opened up about it before #and if you did read it #thank for you reading to my rant #and for being supportive #also this post is in no way related to Taylor so sorry for posting it on my main blog

[naviavu]

on the first flight, back to your side

PAIRINGS: iwaizumi hajime x reader

SUMMARY: a long-overdue conversation with your first love, iwaizumi hajime. he wants you to know that he’s always been there for you, and this time, he’ll never leave.

WORDS: 1k~

TAGS: getting back together. best friend!iwaizumi. suicide mention. very different from my usual work, this is just angst with comfort at the end. the years are not accurate and i made this at like 2am so please bear with it lmao, not beta read. basically a self-insert lol.

“How many years has it been… six? Seven?” Hajime stops when he approaches the driveway. He looks at you, expecting. Waiting. You realize that he’s flustered.

“Did we meet each other in 2015? It feels like yesterday, Iwa.” You muse. It’s true– it feels like yesterday since you spent your whole high school with him. Graduated. Grew apart.

Somehow, in this godforsaken place, you found your way back to him.

Iwaizumi grins, full beam of teeth and crinkled eyes that makes your breath hitch because he’s always been beautiful. “And we’re here now. I’m working as a trainer. And, well, law school for you,”

He cringes internally– even a stranger would notice that words sounded a little off because both of you know damn well that you’re way past talking about careers and jobs. He knows you’ve seen his phone wallpaper. An old picture taken on his graduation day where he’s standing behind you with his hands around your waist, both of you sporting a youthful giggle.

He hopes it’s not just him who’s overwhelmed with all the words unsaid inside this car.

You take time to examine Hajime: his fit uniform shirt, veins running on his arms, broad shoulders, tanner than he was in high school, with tiredness in his eyes and newfound light all the same. You think that he can change everything about him and you would still know Hajime.

The same way he knows you.

You fiddle with the hem of your skirt, shivering slightly from the cold exhaust of the air conditioning fan. “Right… I always wanted to shoot you a text but things got in the way, I guess.” You have no better excuse and it almost makes you tear up that you missed all opportunities you had to reconnect with him. Just for your pathetic school work and deadlines.

He turns down the fan and you blush a little. Nothing escapes his gaze. “Hey, don’t worry about it.” Iwaizumi turns to you, hesitates, then holds your hand against his.

Similarly how he did when you last visited the third years on their graduation day. A promise of reassurance. Homecoming. And warmth, warmth, and warmth.

“You’re here now, aren’t you? My little jewel. I’m glad you came back to me.”

You look away just before a tear escapes your eye but he knows you too well, so he gently cups your face to wipe your cheeks with his thumb. You never liked crying in front of anybody, even him.

You never liked being comforted either. Except if it’s him.

“I never liked it when you wasted your tears on me, sweet girl.” He jests, and you think about what his reaction will be if you tell him that there were nights you longed for his presence so much that there are permanent tear stains on your law books. You chuckle, teary-eyed. You have to tell him another time.

“I just–” You hiccup, and lean your face on his hands. You nuzzle against his palm. “It fucking sucks, Iwa. Those were seven years gone. Seven years that I could’ve– should’ve–” You sob again, and this time he doesn’t stop you.

“I always knew that I could send you a message whenever I wanted. I also secretly hoped that you would drop everything just to hear my voice again.” You tried to giggle, a faint echo of your high school self’s reaction whenever Hajime approached you on Kitagawa Daichi’s hallways or walked you home. “But I think that’s also why I didn’t. Because I thought maybe, you’re too busy and I’ll just be a distraction, or you already forgot about me–”

“You know that I’ll never forget about you.”

“I know, Haji–” The nickname slips out, and you feel his hand tremble and hear a soft gasp from his lips, as if to say, oh. Oh. “I was so stupid. Some nights I came so close to ending it and then I remember you, seeing your name on my contacts or in a random picture on social media. Like a reminder that there’s still someone who cares that I exist and I… if the world will allow me… to come home to.”

The car is quiet. The busy highway feels so far away and it’s just your sobs, now quieter and more gentle, and Hajime’s soft breathing.

After a few seconds, he comes out of the car with no warning, goes to your side, opens the car door, picks you up, and carries you to your apartment. All your protests of ‘Iwa, I’m too heavy!’ were shushed. He opens your door and places you on your bed. He leaves for a moment to wash up, and you sink into your bed.

He invites himself to the other side and lies beside you. He pulls you in his arms and hugs you tight as if he’s scared that you’ll disappear. He presses kisses on your crown, just like seven years ago inside locker rooms with his duffel bag dropped by his side.

“I can’t– I don’t know a world without you. And I don’t want to know what it’s like.” Hajime whispers, hot breath brushing by your ear. His words are muffled by your hair. “I’m so fucking happy that you’re here with me. And you let me in again,” His voice breaks. “You let me come back to your life. And this time around I’ll always be here, and I know how to take care of you better.”

He pulls back and looks you in the eyes. Olive greens staring back at yours, longing, desperate, and reassuring. Please let me be a part of your future. Please don’t shut me out again.

“I know this is probably a bad time to say this but I’ve had my fair share of relationships… but I’ve always looked for you in them, Hajime. I could never forget you, the way you made me feel, and months with them didn’t even compare to the half-hour lunches we had together. It’s so fucking corny, I know–”

He laughs, soft and teary. He thinks about the time he dated someone because they had the same eyes as yours. “It’s not just you, babe.” He’s always been stupid when it involves his feelings about you.

“Haji…” You whisper. “Stay.”

Hajime smiles, the brightest one he ever had since he arrived. “The heart knows what’s best for it, jewel. And I’m glad that you finally followed yours.” He moves closer, and your lips meet. “It’s about damn time you come home.”

NOTES: i made this during my finals, it’s literally hell week and i’m half-dead in front of my laptop trying to chase deadlines for subjects that i probably won’t even have a high grade in. i watched haikyuu stage play: winners and losers a few hours ago. just now, i was listening to a playlist that my childhood friend gave me and got a little teary-eyed and inspired me to write whatever this is. a reminder from my childhood. my adult peeking inside the light of my inner child and trying to identify what made me so lively, and what kept me going.

If you’re reading up until here, i want to remind you that you’re never alone. It’s a line overused, i know, but there is a good side of you that lives in others people's memories, and i’m sure because of that they would want you to live too. Your inner child is always there, and i know you’re trying your best to protect it– what a sick world we live in– but you have to let it free. You have to set yourself free. then, maybe, just maybe, you will finally find your breakfast appetizing again and the sun beaming warm on your skin again.

i wish the best for all of you, and your inner child who is constantly under-recovery like mine.

#navi's writing #iwaizumi drabble #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi oneshot #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi x y/n #iwaizumi haijime x reader #iwaizumi hajime oneshot #iwaizumi hajime x you #iwaizumi hajime drabble

[mcchipisfried]

WOO HERE IS THE 15 MINUTE RANT (now 9 minute rant) THAT I TALKED ABOUT IN MY DRACULA NOTES THAT I SENT TO MY FRIEND

Sound warning when I start to say "Can turn into fog and animals so there- there was no need for that...."

Transcript and some context under the cut :D

Okay okay okay I'm doing Dracula right? You already know fucking annoying but I liiiterally have no one else to talk to about this so, Dracula right, so the-

So 12th of August - which is today - Mina writes another little entry about how Lucy, after being fed on by Dracula yesterday (the 11th), is feeling even better um and she's so so happy but throughout the night she wakes up again and tries to go out sleepwalking but even after that she's even more rejuvenated and I-

We know that Dracula isn’t feeding from her right now (except for the first time) but she is at least connected to him in some way like there is some compulsion here that is-

it- it's existing and I have no words for how to describe compulsion. It's kinda like this word that I just picked up somewhere and it wooorks?

And I specifically speak about “compulsion” because of Jonathan. So Jonathan starts going really fucking crazy when he’s with Dracula right? (very paranoid but also maybe affected by his desperation and blah you’ve heard this before) and it just so happens that when Mina writes her uh little entry on the 12th of August that’s also the day that Sister Agatha writes a letter (Sister Agatha is uh obviously a nurse/nun at a hospital) so Jonathan traveled a long fucking time and he finally got there and they started to take care of him and Sister Agatha is writing a letter to Mina and she writes it on the 12th of August and the reason she writes the letter is...

The reason she writes the letter on this date even though Jonathan has been staying at the hospital for a bit is that for some reason he was under a brain fever and a brain fever could be multiple things. Honestly I think its their way of describing someone going through an overextended period of hallucinations or a trauma response? But "Brain Fever " is also when the brain becomes inflamed and one of the symptoms is a fever and you KNOW this because I also talked about my Hannibal theory with you on the first season, right, remember, pls. (with desperation) [1]

Um

But she literally describes it uh-

It as uh-

Yeah okay “he has had some fearful shock - so says our doctor - and in his delirium his ravings have been dreadful; of wolves and poison and blood; of ghosts and demons; and I fear to say of what” um so it's- It's very interesting to me that now, on the 12th of August, Lucy is feeling better, (like the whole reason Lucy does her sleepwalking thing is because she finally got engaged but now she's feeling very nervous and she's sleepwalking again like she did BEFORE Dracula showed up, it had just been a bit)

And its- its so unfortunate because Lucy is basically just doing what she normally does and she goes to this bench that just so happens to be near the grave where Dracula is hiding in and the only reason he can even do that is because its the grave of someone who committed suicide. It was very much like “why not” which is like, damn, Dracula really just be ruining lives for no reason because it's not like he was even initially attracted to Lucy because she was beautiful and she's kind and she's like, this pure soul. No. Literally my dude was just “oh shit there's someone above me………feeding time” Yknow? That's just like- I hate him so much!

So that's the thing and one could argue that he was technically already there when Lucy and Mina were also there when the dog thing happened um, he might have “seen” her or had some compulsion, some power over Lucy just from that like he picked up on something about her, her sensitivity if you want to argue that and had some compulsion over her to gooo...? Towards him at that point in time but I choose to not believe that I choose to believe this was very much Dracula just-

Dracula was just like “you know what? Jonathan, bye. New favorite blood bag Lucy, hello and thank you” and again I find it really interesting that when that happened not only did Mina wake up (I like to think that,

okay

I like to think that um, well when Mina found Lucy um Dracula was leaning over her maybe he was still drinking or had just finished so Mina rushes forward she's like “yo wtf is going on?” right she maybe thinks, she imagined or well doesn’t think, but like it was dark and no one else was there to confirm what she saw and Lucy was maybe a little out of it um) So I like to think that when Dracula drank from Lucy that's when Mina woke up and in her little panic of looking everywhere for Lucy and realizing she went outside was, however long it took Dracula to feed from Lucy. So whenever that happened Jonathan started to wake the fuck up from his little “weeks long brain fever” um like either when Lucy is being fed on he starts to come through because of the compulsion but when Dracula makes eye contact with Mina that's when he wakes up like ooohh-

Oh okay imagine if there was a Dracula show that was hella book accurate and they ended an episode with that cliffhanger? With Dracula getting close to Lucy’s neck, Mina jolts up and realizes Lucy is gone, goes out looking for her, finds her and Dracula, makes eye contact, boom it shifts to Jonathan opening his eyes Bella Swan from twilight style idk that would be so cool um but make me giggle. Um.

So talking about this is making me realize how much of a huge piece of shit Dracula is, for no fucking reason like. He had NO REASON, he had literally just drank not only from Jonathan (my headcanon my headcanon its not explicitly stated please people disagree people disagree it's my headcanon nnnnnn I'm not saying it happened or not I just like to believe um) which essentially rejuvenated his lizard ass to Tall, Dark, and Creepy (on top of maybe drinking from a baby) and then PROCEEDED to drink nearly a whole crew that was essentially free range for-

For no fucking reason. And then on top of that uh. So there's this other old guy. His name is Mr. Swales idk how to pronounce it even though I've heard the recording. ANYWAYS. He’s friends with Mina and Lucy and talks to them about the cemetery and headstones that stuff I was telling you about right? The other 6 minute analysis I did. Um.

He talks about how he is so old and isn’t afraid of dying and jokes about it a lot which honestly very fair my dude very fair. And um it turns out that when he talks about this he talks about- about death being in the air and that’s bringing the Demeter to shore, almost like he can sense Dracula as the omen of death that he is. And then there's an entry from when Mina and Lucy go to see the Captain’s funeral, she also mentions that Mr. Swales was found with his neck snapped on the bench and his face in such a horror that it made men squirm which is like. Fucked up as hell cause Dracula didn’t even drink from him -I think- so he killed him for no fucking reason. One could argue that he saw Dracula and that's why but motherfucker can turn into fogs-

SOUND WARNING IN RED

Can turn into fog and animals so there- there was no need for that. Honestly Dracula is hella insecure if he killed an old man just because he “sensed” him. He literally died. for. no. fucking. reason! It pisses me off he’s such a piece of fucking shit.

Okay

Okay I'm done actually cause I can keep talking about….Yo fuck twilight for being a major change in vampire stuff. [2] I need a modern adaptation of Dracula that actually takes the book into- cause- cause you have the whole destruction of Lucy’s character or even Mina’s character when they decide to combine them [3] um depending on the adaptation that it was Lucy’s fault that she was too pretty, too flirtatious with men and then that's why Dracula targeted Lucy- Dracula didn’t target Lucy he never did it was just coincidence and then when they also put that shit on top of Mina who is very much in the book a devoted fiancé to Jonathan.

I- I just- I don't-

Man I hate this dude I have never hated someone so much. I……. People should build on that horror. I-I miss hating villains. I love hating Dracula. Okay I promise I'm done

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[1]  Context: SPOILERS FOR HANNIBAL EVEN THOUGH ITS BEEN OUT FOR YEARS MY BAD I just finished watching the first season of Hannibal (pls no one spoil it I've never seen it and know nothing besides the original books and some movies) and the "Brain Fever" entry happened to align with my theory of Will Graham having either a tumor or brain swelling because of his feverish symptoms, hallucinations, etc. (AND I WAS RIGHT and then I proceeded to talk about how devious the chicken soup scene was because of the chicken and its ingredients so my irl friend was very DONE with the brain fever stuff)

[2] I unironically love twilight for the cringe its just so funny to me #TeamAlice Edward could NEVER

[3] I remember an old black and white Mexican or at the very least spoken in Spanish Dracula story that never had Lucy it was only about Mina, Dracula, and Jonathan but I don't remember for sure

#dracula #dracula daily #re: dracula #okay so #none of it makes any sense #BUT #here y'all go #my dracula rant #if you disagree talk to wall because i am weak #i will not fight for anything I said

[iguessitsgabe]

My MC oc Elias.

He got transported to the Devildom seconds before he almost crashed his car against a truck while drunk driving. So when he was greeted by Diavolo he thought "Either I'm dead or I got isekai'd".

He was still a bit drunk during his welcoming to the Devildom, so literally the next day when he wakes up in another bed, his first thought was "Shit" thinking he hooked up with someone while drunk.

Funny enough, the moment Mammon barged into his room to wake him up for school, he literally went "Hey, idk what happened yesterday but you are a hottie, we can repeat it anytime 😎👉👉". It took Mammon 5 whole minutes to realize what he meant, and had to spend the whole day convincing him they didn't hook up. "But, you are totally my type, are YOU SURE WE DIDN'T??"

The boy is a total chaos, he spend his second day doing crazy stuff and getting almost killed because "There is no way I'm still alive, this has to be some post-comma dream" with a big smile, while he is about to fall from 5 floors because he just doesn't care. Literally, Mammon had to fly and rescue him before the new exchange student killed himself in the most absurd way, which only made Elias more sure he HAD to be dead and this was all a dream.

Elias isn't by any means suicidal tho. He is just so convinced he can't be alive and he wont die twice that he is using that opportunity to get fucking wild!

●▬▬▬▬▬▬୧✬୨▬▬▬▬▬▬▬●

His legal name is Ezra, which means helper. He despises that name because his mother used to manipulate him with it. She would force him to stay by her side and "help her" because "he was BORN to do that". She would hurt him and abuse him every time he made mistakes, and excuse herself saying "she was ill and needed his help" When she finally died, he felt lost. Started to live recklessly in an attempt to recover the freedom he was taken from.

Thats why when he arrived at Devildom everyone was a bit confused, they didn't expect him. "Wasn't our student called Ezra?" and the picture they had of him was from this pristine boy with a frightened look and short combed hair, not a drunk hobo with long hair who looks like he hasn't used a hairbrush in years.

He lived in Florida before being transported to Devildom, a latino man, son of migrants and raised in a different country. He had troubles getting used to USA as a teen, and he sports an unmistakable Latin accent. Funny enough, when he is drunk he speaks in very coloquial Spanish, which made the demons even MORE confused "Didn't our student speak English? What the hell is he saying"

He is a bisexual poly-amorous man, and literally had to tell the demons "I'm in a relationship with y'all 7 or with none. And don't come saying its gross to share your lover with your «brother» you bitches are demons ffs"

Eventually they all accepted it.

Beel, Belphie and Asmo where the firsts to accept, as Beel didn't mind sharing, Belphie just didn't care and Asmo was pleased to finally have someone who understood him.

Satan had to research what it means to be in a poly relationship first, and eventually accepted it because he likes to be an open minded and also loves Elias so much.

Mammon and Lucifer reluctant at first.

Lucifer due to his pride, the idea of sharing was not his favorite and why would a mere human order him around, he is PRIDE anyone would fall over him. But because Elias didn't budge and even started to ignore him, he couldn't resist and gave up.

Mammon wasn't comfortable with the idea. He is greedy, he wants Elias to himself only, and sharing with his dumb brothers angered him. However, he couldn't help it. It was Elias or nothing. Elias has to constantly reassure Mammon he loves him a lot and won't ever leave him.

And Lucifer eventually started to enjoy the idea of sharing, since that meant his family wont ever split apart

Levi however... Oof

He had a really hard time accepting it. He thought it was a way to rejected him without hurting his feelings. It took a WHILE for him to understand Elias loved him as much as he loved the others, and had to almost beg him for him to be together. Also has to reassure Levi he wont leave him and he loves him a lot, but his jealousy will still win at times.

His first love was Satan, then Asmo and then Mammon. He had a harder time getting to know Belphie and Levi, but eventually they grew fond of eachother. Despite being in a relationship with all, some of his relations with some of the brothers fall more into the platonic side.

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Other trivia about him:

He likes to prank and sass the brothers, even since the first day despite the amount of threats he received. He would just dare them to hurt him.

Somehow when he got killed by Belphie he got surprise, he wasn't really expecting to actually die.

Yet he didn't learn ofc.

He loves candies and sweets, and has an incredible stomach to gulf as many sweets without getting heartburn.

He has an thin body, and its very tall, not very athletic with some muscle and fat in the right places. You could describe his body as twink-ish

He is taller than Mammon, Belphie, Asmo and the same height of Levi, smaller than Satan, Beel and Lucifer.

Sometimes he cross dresses, wears makeup and accessories that would be typically feminine, he doesn't care and just likes to look good.

Also likes to wear revealing clothes or outfits more punk

He is a fan of glam metal

Probably has done drugs before

Also went to jail for fighting in bars while drunk

Boy is a mess, and his trip to the devildom kinda put him into place

Actually a virgin, knows too much hasn't had any true meaningful relationships or sex before

Hates reading but somehow manages to endure it for Satan.

Hates rainy days, he has the belief that rainy days bring bad luck and misery.

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((I'm accepting headcanon prompt requests!))

#obey me #omswd #omswd mc #mc oc #obey me oc #obey me mc #obey me mc oc #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me belphegor #obey me beelzebub #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #need to say im a poly bisexual man from latam #i have to mention it in case someone decides to pick a fight #i dont trust tumblr ahaha

[un-nonymous]

Have you ever seen someone in like, head-to-toe (shoulder-to-thigh?) spanx, but without the bra part? It’s like a BYOB (bra) situation? It’s not great.

Anyway, my best friend’s wedding is this Saturday in Chicago and we leave at 6am Thursday. I need 8 more days to be ready for the trip.

It’s been so long since I’ve written over here that I was excited to fill in the “Listening to:” field. That’s … never been a thing here. Livejournal. Twenty (20) years ago. It’s fine. You should listen to this song though.

I don’t care about no hoes, where is your spouse at?

Red text!

(Personally, I truly don’t care about no hoes nor spouses. In fact I’m very actively trying to become a spouse myself, for fuck’s sake.)

So I’m a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding this weekend and I love her but she did us all dirty with the color of these dresses. It’s like a smoky lavender - the kind that looks good on no one. We were able to choose our own style at least, but they are all relentless and unforgiving. I am wearing head-to-toe spanx (BYObra) and you can see like, the line of the contour? on the thigh? And it’s not because I have thick legs. I mean, it’s because the material of the dress is almost as though it was stuck to you, but it flows nicely in a breeze. I don’t know. I’ve also lost a bunch of weight since June (thanks, keto!) and that honestly helps me feel better about the dress. I took selfies tonight, even! Maybe I’ll post one.

This has been a hard week. Since Friday, I: organized and attended yet another suicide prevention training at work; unexpectedly found myself needing to support a dear coworker towards the end of that training class because he had been struggling with all the thoughts we’d been talking about for 2 hours and needed to step outside to cry and asked if I would join him (a senior general superintendent); attended a coworker’s wedding with another coworker, got drunk for the first time in a while and lost the latter coworker’s sunglasses before raising my voice at a third coworker who was getting mouthy with me; had what would have been the worst hangover of my life Sunday if it weren’t for Amazon’s party patches*; have been running around with my hair on fire at the office for both 10+ hour days I’ve had today and yesterday.

That whole thing was all about work. I’m working on that, but now’s not a good time for progress.

Seriously though, look up “party patches” on Amazon. Slap 2 of them on you (gonna do 3-4 for this weekend’s festivities, I have to be in proper shape for Nine Inch Nails at Riot Fest on Sunday #priorities) and while they won’t always stop a hangover from happening (I mean honestly how do you stop a speeding train, you know?), they will help you avoid an ambulance at least. Ask me how I know. Look for the blue and orange packages. They’re just vitamins, I don’t know what kind of witchcraft they’re about otherwise but they’re like $30 for I want to say 40-something patches? You really can’t put a price on magic.

(Ok here’s how I know: The last time I got that hungover, it was the morning after Matt and I got into a big argument about something stupid in public and I was crying at the table quietly but also pretty dramatically and the server had just approached with the check that I stubbornly insisted on paying. I could not pick my head up off the pillow the next morning and it took us 3 weeks to finally reach the end of the conversation because I was so embarrassed that I cried at a server as a 37-year-old woman for really the dumbest reason. I’m really fun to date. Fortunately he and I were genuinely fine those 3 weeks, we aren’t about grudges which has probably done a world of good for our 5-year run so far. But I was wearing 0 party patches that night. I currently have 2.7 packs for the bridal party and maybe the groomsmen if they’re acting right.)

Matt is standing up in the wedding too and we’re going to walk down the aisle together. I hope at least a couple people throw shoes at him. Gently, because he is a gem, but he needs a kick in the ass and he knows it.

Hope you and yours are loving your adventures lately. 🖤

#did i tell you we got a dog?? #ok next time #love you bye

[b1ueoff1ine]

~ Revenge - Part 1 ~

~♧~ Pizza ~♧~

Norman Osborn Fan Fic 

Part 1 ~♡~ Any Gender

Word Count: 1.4k

WARNINGS:  HELLA curse words... mentions of sex. hints of suicide :( . angst. norman being cute af by ordering y/n pizza when they don't know its him. harry being a fucking asshole.

SUMMARY: You just met your boyfriend Harry's father, and, after a while, start to have feelings for him. Your relationship with Harry has just gotten worse and worse, and, after you do nothing but love him, it's causing you suicidal thoughts. You realize that your feelings for Norman have grown, and you don't know what to think of it.

A/N: alright so sorry the summary was long-ish, I had to include important stuff… also, I'm taking requests now! just dm me of smth u want and I will try to get it done. that is if I have the motivation for it… anyways, enjoy!

● ● ●

You close your apartment door behind yourself, sighing in frustration as the lock clicks shut.

You had just returned from your boyfriend, Harry's house. He had invited you for dinner with his family, which included his father. Norman, his father, had started treating you kindly the moment you had arrived– which was strange considering that Harry always argued with you.

You make your way to the kitchen, and you open the fridge. Inside, there were two yogurts, a half gallon of milk, a small box of carrots, and a few condiments. Grabbing one of the yogurts, you slam the fridge door closed. You open the drawer across the small kitchen from the fridge, and, snatching a spoon from its home, you shove the drawer closed again.

You wanted some action– preferably sex– from your boyfriend, but he had declined seeing you that night. He said that he was "tired from the day's events," although he literally sat on his couch the whole day doing nothing but playing video games while you sat beside him on your phone. Harry always did this, it didn't matter what happened that day.

You were about to open your yogurt when a knock on the door sounded throughout the apartment. Were you expecting company tonight? You ponder as you search your calendar that was hanging on the fridge. Nope, no company today. Hm, who could it be?

The smell of hot pizza rushes into your apartment as you open your door. On your door mat sat a large stack of pizza with a note that said: Enjoy this fresh pizza, [Y/N]! ♡︎ Love, Osborn.

"So he was surprising me with pizza! Ha! I love my boyfriend," You smile to yourself, chuckling.

Little did you know, the pizza was actually from Norman, who felt bad for his son declining your kind offer.

Picking up the large stack of pizza– which was half as tall as your form– you pushed your door open and stepped inside, quickly closing the door behind you. Entering the kitchen, you set the boxes down on the counter, relieving your hands from the steaming hot bottom box that was burning them. You put away your yogurt and spoon, no longer frustrated.

Opening the first box of the stack, you carried it over to your couch and set it down on your coffee table. You grabbed the remote and clicked on the TV. Your favorite movie was still playing from yesterday, so you restarted it. 

Reaching over, you grabbed a hot slice of {any kind} pizza from the box, taking a bite, and sighing in content as the warm, steamy cheese melted in your mouth.

"Harry really knows how to make me happy after I'm angry with him… hmph!" You laugh, gasping as hot pizza sauce drips down your chin, burning it. You grab a napkin from the box and wipe the sauce from your face, chuckling.

                                ●  ●  ●

As the credits finally roll up the screen, you yawn and look over into the kitchen, looking at the time on the oven. "Holy shit! It's already midnight? I was supposed to be asleep hours ago!" You exclaim, jumping up from your warm spot on the couch. You close the box that you had opened within the last ten minutes, and, picking it up, you carry it to the kitchen.

You had been so ravenous during the movie, you had devoured a whole box and a half of pizza.

You open the fridge and lift the 4 boxes that were left on the counter and you slide them inside the fridge. You close the door gently, trying not to disturb your neighbors who you know were trying to sleep. You rush towards your bedroom and sidestep into the bathroom, trying to quickly brush your teeth.

You stub your toe on the doorframe as you exit the bathroom. "Oh fuck! Fuck fuck fuck… hhmmmmmm, man, that hurts!"

Stumbling into your room, you throw up the covers and jump in your bed. The lights were already off, and you turn your lamp off. About thirty minutes later, your eyes slowly close, and you drift into a light sleep.

                              ●  ●  ●

Your alarm was loud, waking you up at 5 o'clock in the morning.

Even though you wanted so badly to sleep, you had to get up that morning to go to work. You worked at a {your choice of career}, and your boss was always annoying as fuck.

Your phone chimes just then, and you hope it was your boss telling you to take a day off. But when you look at the screen, you see it was Harry messaging you. You unlock your phone and click on messages, then you click on Harry's contact. A large frown appears on your face as you read what is on the screen. It read: Hey Y/N, you got any money I can borrow? I need to pay my friend back for something, and I don't have any money left. You think you can help me out?

"Dear heavens, Harry! I barely have enough to keep my apartment from being sold!" You nearly hiss, rolling your eyes. You send a message back: Sorry, I don't have enough myself. I can barely afford rent as it is. I'm sorry, but I can't.  You click your phone off, and wait for a reply.

A minute later, your phone chimes. Its Harry again. You unlock your phone once again, and then on his contact. His new message brings angry tears to your eyes: Goddamnit. You know I need money. You should know that your not the only one who is fucking broke. I was hoping that this conversation wouldn't turn into a fucking argument. Fine, little bitch, I'll go fucking ask my damn father then. 

You can't hold back the tears that burst from your eyes as you reach up and hold your face in your hands. Why does Harry have to be like this? He does this every time, and never wants to see you at all.

You should just kill yourself. Just commit suicide. Then, you won't have to deal with your fucking boss annoying the living shit out of you. Or your boyfriend treating you like a literal piece of garbage.

Your mind hovers over the subject for a good thirty minutes, before flickering to Harry's father and back several times. Your mind finally rests on the idea of Norman, and how kind he was to you.

A question flashes at the back of your mind: What do you feel towards Norman? Your thoughts desperately try to answer it as fast as they can. But the thoughts that stuck out to you, however, just felt wrong. You had a longing for his affection, but also fright. You were nervous but also confident when around him. You didn't dare tell yourself that you loved Norman, but you felt your mind eagerly returning to the word whenever you thought of him.

God, what was wrong with you? You're dating Harry already! Why are you thinking of Norman, when you should be thinking about fixing your own relationship with your asshole of a boyfriend? Fuck, you have issues.

To be Continued…

Please let me know if you would like to see another chapter/episode or would like to be tagged in my next one! Also tell me what you would like to see next!

#norman osborn #norman x reader #norman osborn fan fic #norman osborn x you #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #fan fic author #fan fic stuff #bored af #bored lol #tell me if i should make another part cuz idk if i should

[notquiteaghost]

this is mostly a post im making cuz for my sins i use this website as a journal. cw for suicidality stuff. my sister voluntarily admitted herself to a psych ward at the beginning of the month cuz she was in the middle of a depressive episode that rendered her unsafe. she also spent 2016/17 in a string of psych units & she did that instead of finishing high school. she is arguably in a better place now than then except for how she is almost definitely bipolar & the meds she's on aren't helping mitigate that. which is fun cuz that means she might have to go on the scary meds. lithium can fucking kill you. lithium can fucking kill you!!! so, anyway, she wanted to wait out the depressive episode somewhere safe. it's the longest she's had. after a week they sectioned her, meaning she cld no longer discharge herself. they put her on the month long section, that was just under a month ago. she's been on 1 to 1 for almost that whole time which means she was not safe to be unsupervised at all. she just got off that this past weekend & then she had to go to A&E yesterday evening & now they have put her on a six month section. she can be taken off it early but she has to be safe first. and i have a whole fucking mess of feelings about her being in an institution at all because i do not think most any in this country is fit for purpose. and i'm four fucking hours away and i don't drive and what's even the point in being an unemployed layabout if i can't at least visit her every week

#yelling at clouds #this shld probly be under a cut sorry but i dont wanna wake my laptop up #i want to. scream. #mostly i want to scream

[gjenevarants]

Panic Attack/Lost

2/23/24

I had a panic attack last night. I thought I lost my invisalign and my case. I thought I left them at the music hall (I left early because I was tired). Turns out they were in my car under the passenger seat. No idea how the fuck they ended up there. But I had a panic attack about it because I know how much this cost, how long it's taken to fix my TMJ (temporomandibular joint) issues... I'm not telling the full story but losing that would have fucked over the whole process.

I talked to dad yesterday. Over text not phone call. Apparently yesterday was national margarita day? He sent me a photo of the one he had. I also mentioned wanting to get completely plastered for my twenty first so that's something to look forward to. I also mentioned wanting to get together with former classmates over the summer. One person responded which I find funny.

I found out through a friend that one of my old classmates was asking about me because I hadn't talked to them in a while. I truly wanted to laugh. I'm thankful that I didn't because I know the laugh that would have come out would have been a broken sound of pain.

I tried reaching out to all of my old classmates for years. YEARS! I remember one time early senior year, our teachers had us go around and say things that were bothering us. I told them all that I was worried I was going to snap, that I was worried I wouldn't be able to last much longer. No one knew what I meant except one of the teachers and she only knew because she was my advisor. I was like back in ninth all over again, I wrote a song that was literally full of really obvious analogies about suicide. The friend I played it for, who I thought was my best friend at the time, was too distracted about overanalyzing Taylor Swift shit. That was probably one of the reasons I don't talk about things until I'm at the breaking point. I've tried to before and no one listens. I can't always be the one reaching out. People have my contact information, if they want to reach me they can text me. I've given up on being the one that texts first because when I do no one answers. I know when I'm not wanted. I never really fit in with my class. There were twelve of us and the girl that joined in eleventh grade fit in better than I ever had, and I'd been with the same people sense I was six.

There's only three people that really talk to me, and there's a scale in the regularity of their answers. The one who is basically my brother answers the most, followed by one of my old friends still in high school. They're a freshmen now. It's funny because I've been friends with their older sibling longer than I've been friends with them. That older sibling is the one who answers least on the list. They're the one who told me about the friend trying to contact me. I have another friend that I thought was reliable, they used to answer, but then they just stopped responding. I don't know if there was something I did wrong. I've stopped trying to talk to them. If they don't want to talk I won't push.

Another person I used to rely on was someone I used to say was basically my sister. She was the one I used to call my best friend. She was the one I played that song for. Back in December she called my brother and I and started talking to us, acting like it hadn't been months sense we last spoke, acting like the last time she had said a word to either of us hadn't been the week after graduation. She talked to us for a week after that call before she went silent again. I've given up on trying to talk to her as well.

My support pillars really are just crumbling around me. Everyone else is moving on with their lives and I'm just sitting here in the wreckage and rubble, not knowing what to do with myself. There's so much that I want to do, so many places I want to go and take friends to go see, but at the rate they're all leaving I'll be going alone.

I need to get a job. I need to get my wisdom teeth removed. I need to get my anxiety medication switched to something that actually fucking works. Going up from one to one and a half didn't do shit. I still can't believe that the psychiatrist who proscribed it thought I only had anxiety. "only has anxiety my ass!" I've been depressed on and off sense I was fourteen. FOURTEEN! And that fucker thought all I had was anxiety?!

I need to go to the eye doctor and ask about getting contacts. I don't wear my glasses because they just make me look more like mom, even with my hair cut the way it is. I'm not supposed to be driving without them and I can't wear my prescription sunglasses because the nose bridge broke.

There's so much I need to do and I don't even know if I'll be around to do it. I'm just lost all the time and I'm running out of places and people to go to.

[rustedskyprisms]

I’m not sure if that infusion yesterday did something to me or what, but I do know that I came out of it feeling more willing to be honest about that. I’ve felt so embarrassed for so long, mostly because of what it is, but, I mean, it’s just the reality of my situation. I can’t not be honest about this shit anymore. I’m just not ready yet to tell my therapist. I don’t know, who knows, maybe after the others, I will. It’s sort of funny, like, “ketamine might’ve helped me be honest about the fact that I have a problem with DXM”, when DXM literally gets called “crackhead ketamine”…..

It wasn’t because I had a profound experience or anything; I barely even remember it, and it’s hard to put into words what I do remember. But I’ve heard with this, it’s less about that and more about how it’s actually affecting your brain itself.

I’ve only done two so far, first one was 50mg, second one was 60mg (for my weight, those aren’t crazy doses). First one was a lot more pleasant than the second one, but I was also given Versed because my OCD was really bothering me. Yesterday, it also really bothered me, and that kind of stood in my way of really going into it, but it seemed like yesterday’s was more beneficial overall.

This stuff isn’t a cure, and I’m not going to these sessions to get fucked up or whatever. I mean, it’s kind of hard for me to fully even lean into it when I’m being monitored and it’s in a clinical setting. I can say that this would feel very different if I was doing this at home. They’re in a whole other city, they’re not cheap (I’m very fortunate that I’m on my dad’s insurance and the clinic takes it) and one of my parents is having to take off from work to take me. I’m only doing this because I’ve been on so many different psychiatric medications, I’m being recommended deep brain stimulation (surgical procedure), I’ve been very suicidal for a long time, and I’m running out of options. I’m interested to see what it does, if it does anything.

[cratlord]

Prince of the Seas - Chapter 12

Pairing: Bucky x Ruby / Some Bucky x Killian

Summary: Things did not get better for Bucky Barnes after he and Sam had their adventure. They got worse. After years of living only through stolen moments of his own life, he is given a chance to build a life in a whole new world. The catch? That life is going to be a very, very long one. This is the tale of the life built in the Realm that will one day be known as Misthaven, or the Enchanted Forest.

Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, suicidal thoughts, violence, Sexual content

The horizon was just beginning to see the first tinges of predawn as he made his way back into camp.  There was a moderately large clearing travelers often used to camp in on the road.  It was the first of three such clearings on the five day journey home.

Already, Alana was awake and giving soft orders to organize a small group of women who were stoking the fires to get a good breakfast going.  They wouldn’t be stopping much that day since the next clearing was a good distance and they would be pushing to get there before dusk to make their next camp.  That meant they would have a walking lunch, and likely a light one at that.  

Bucky approached the ladies, already hard at work getting the pots settled into the embers, already filled with water from the well which the Duke’s people maintained for the use of travelers on the road.  

Alana gave him a huge grin when he rounded the wagon silently, finally putting himself into view of her.  “Lord Eldar,” she exclaimed softly.  “I had wondered where you’d gone off to.  What’s all that, then?” she said, gesturing to the sacks currently over his shoulder.  

He closed the rest of the distance to where the ladies were working and set the bags down.  The first he held out to a woman currently holding a deep cast iron pan with a lid which wasn’t full of water and porridge yet.  “I caught some fish.  The children were looking a bit pale still yesterday.  Some fresh meat will help them, I think.”

She took the bag, lurching at how much heavier it was than he made it look.  “Bless you, Eldar.  I’ll get to cleaning these right away,” she said before turning to another of the woman and enlisting her help.  

From there he turned to the women at the fires tending the pots which would eventually hold enough porridge for everyone.  Bland and boring porridge.  It was good for travel, but it left a lot to be desired.  He pulled the other sack off his back and opened it.  He pulled out a couple of large jars which had been empty when he left, but now contained freshly gathered honeycomb and honey.  He handed them and the bag to the women.  “I could hear some hives nearby, so I figured I’d grab some honey for the kid’s breakfast.  I also got some blossoms for the porridge for us.  No sense in bland food in the spring.”

“Well that’s just lovely of you, Lord Eldar,” Alana said quietly.

“Though when you had time to do that is beyond me,” came Lisbeth’s voice as she came to her feet and rounded one of the other wagons.  “Especially since it’s been even longer since you’ve rested than any of us.  And don’t think I missed how you handed off your plate to Timothy last night.”  

She took a moment to eye him critically as she crossed her arms and tapped her foot.  He could feel the judgment rolling off her in waves, making him cringe back from her gaze.  

“You look like shit,” she stated baldly.  “You’re pale, you have rings under your eyes, and you really do need a shave.”  She squinted at him.  “And a haircut.”

“Uh…” he said, dying a little inside at his inability to talk to this gorgeous woman.  His cheeks darkened.  Again.

The entire previous afternoon and evening had been the same.  He and Lisbeth had been walking right next to each other, and he had been a tongue tied idiot the entire time.  He knew she noticed.  Fuck, he knew everyone noticed.  It was the whispered talk of the entire caravan, much to his mortification.  And these women knew he heard them saying it too, which made it even worse.  

Alana looked like she was trying to keep from laughing as she shook her head and walked off towards the lead wagon.  It was the one with the weird cages on it, still full of animals.  The kids had been put in charge of taking care of the animals there.  That was also the wagon that had the few items the marauders had taken with them.  

He rubbed the back of his neck under his ponytail while she stared him down.  He hadn’t been scolded in centuries.  It was odd.  The last person to scold him had to have been Aggie.  He cleared his throat and did his best to meet Lisbeth’s eyes without any shame.  

“What I was doing was more important,” he said simply, though his Brooklyn accent somehow managed to slip through, a sure sign that he was stressed.

Lisbeth narrowed her eyes.  “Did you get any sleep at all?”

He licked his lip, using his tongue to draw it into his mouth to bite it.

“And when was the last time you slept?” she asked incredulously, her own cheeks starting to pinken in her ire.  

At that point Alana strolled back over, huge grin on her face.  “Little Sammy found this on the wagon last night while they were feeding the wee birds.”  

She held out a rolled up leather kit of some sort to Lisbeth with a roguish wink.  “Looks like the only mirror got shattered in the fight though.  You’ll have to help him.”

With that she strutted off to get back to the business of making breakfast.  

Lisbeth snorted as she eyed the kit in her hands then shook her head in amusement.  “Well, that’s decided then.  I’ll go get a warm towel and you get this razor sharpened,” she ordered, closing the distance between them and handing him the shave kit.  “Get settled right over there,” she said, pointing to a large log near one of the fires over by the well.  

He stood there stunned as the Lady walked away towards the wagons.  He was feeling pretty railroaded and he wasn’t sure he liked it all that much.  His face was itchy though, even if he could have gone without being chastised for keeping a night watch.  

He wasn’t stupid.  There were dangerous things in these woods.  Magical and dangerous things.  Things that tended to have a taste for virgins, of which he was traveling with a caravan full of. This part of the road swung a little too close to some enclaves of rather nefarious and evil beings.  There was a Sorcerer lord which ruled the mountain pass to the East of this region, and the edge of his domain was within twenty miles of this specific stretch of road.  He really should take care of that asshole at some point, but he was half hoping the ogres next swing through the region would end up taking care of it for him.  Maybe the evil bastard would actually be of some use in thinning the tribe.

He sighed as he turned and made his way to the log and sat down on it.  He unrolled the shave kit and grabbed the razor as he’d been ordered.  Luckily, it had been kept in good condition.  He only really needed a few swipes on the strap to hone it to a fine edge perfectly adequate for the task at hand.  He was just finishing and getting the tin for the soap open when Lisbeth approached with a towel over her shoulder and a large bowl of lightly steaming water.  She set the bowl down on his other side then draped the large towel around his shoulders.

“You don’t have to do this,” he mumbled as she leaned over to grab the washcloth in the bowl.  She squeezed out a bit in the soap tin and sprinkled the powder in it, then used the rest of the warm water to prep his face.

She met his gaze for a brief moment as her hand gently tilted his chin so she could wet his neck as well.  To his amazement, her cheeks burned bright red and she looked away.  She put a hand on his shoulder to balance herself as she leaned to the side to grab the soap and brush.  As she started to lather his face, she met his eyes again, this time holding his gaze despite her own blush.  

“I’ve only ever done this for my father,” she said softly as she lightly brushed the lather over the entire bottom half of his face.  “He broke his dominate hand and realized he couldn’t shave without cutting himself with the other.”  

“Were you any good at it?” he asked, his brow furrowed.  “I’m normally a bit uncomfortable with people having razor blades to my throat.”

She dropped the brush into the little tin and set it back down, finally braking eye contact.  “He survived the experience, and he wasn’t a literal immortal god, so I think your odds are good.”

Her blush only darkened when she had to reach down and grab the straight razor from his thigh.  She tapped his knee with the closed razor, prompting him to spread his knees even further apart than he normally did.  She stepped right into his personal space and knelt down between his legs so that she was right at eye level with his chin.

The tension that thrummed through him as she finally set the blade to his chin was both nerve wracking and oddly pleasurable.  He’d never let anyone do this for him before, and it was erotic in a way.  Either that or just having a gorgeous woman touch him at all was enough to get him excited considering how long it had been.  Her fingers were gentle as they nudged his face where it needed to go.  Her hand on the razor was steady, and swipe by swipe he felt his beard getting sliced off.  When she finally got to his neck he had to focus on ogres to keep from getting an erection.  He was mostly successful, but it didn’t stop him from very briefly imagining a life where she did this for him multiple times a week.  The intimacy of having this woman cut hair off his neck, right over his jugular, was titillating in a way he had no idea he liked.

He felt her gusty sigh tickle his face when she finally finished.  She wiped the razor off one last time on the towel on his shoulder and then grabbed the warm washcloth again to wipe off any remaining soap.  He let his chin fall as the warm cloth cleaned off his neck.  His eyes sought out hers.

Her hand froze when her eyes finally lifted to meet his.  Her heart fluttered as she gasped a breath softly, like she only just realized exactly how close she was.  How she could feel the heat from his thighs warming her sides.  How the air she inhaled smelled entirely of the man she was almost completely folded in to.  Her pupils dilated and a shiver went down her spine.  

He wanted more than anything, in that moment, for this beautiful woman to trust him as much as he had just trusted her.  He was tired of going to bed alone.  Tired of the cold.  He knew she would die.  It was the curse of his living, that he should watch everyone die, but she was young still.  Of all the lifetimes he had lived, maybe this once… maybe just this one he could live with someone else.  Maybe for a little while, he could be happy.  Then he could spend the rest of his long existence remembering the beautiful girl who gave her life to him.

“I was standing watch,” he muttered quietly, holding her gaze intensely.  “There’s an evil sorcerer who’s built a castle in the pass east of here.  I didn’t want to alarm the children, but he likes to experiment with chimeras.  There have been some abominations that have come out of the mountains in recent years.”

He lifted a hand to delicately trace her jaw while he spoke.  

“This part of the road swerves closest to his castle.  It’s the most dangerous stretch until I have time to kill the sorcerer.  I couldn’t risk you and the kids.”

His fingers delicately traced the edge of her jaw before sliding down to cup her face so his thumb could trace her cheekbone.  Her eyelashes fluttered and her heart sped up.  He allowed himself to get lost in the moment, taking in her beauty and completely ignoring the increasing bustle around him.  

“I know I’m not very good at this,” he whispered, leaning slightly closer to her.  “For lifetimes I have watched over my people.  I’ve built them homes, helped with the harvest, hunted for them, and kept them safe.  They help provide for me too, but I never ask them for anything.  I don’t even charge them for my work.  But you…” he trailed off.

Her eyes fluttered open again.  He could see the question in them.  He reached out with his metal hand and wrapped it delicately around her waist.

“I would ask you for the most valuable thing you have to give.  The only thing truly yours to sacrifice in a place like this.”  His words were spoken gently as he pulled her in closer.

“And what sacrifice is that, that my god would ask of me?” she asked in a breathless voice.  Her hands were gripping his shoulders.

Her breathless whisper sent a shiver down his spine and he pulled her the rest of the way in so that she was pressed against his chest and he had to look almost straight down to meet her gaze.  

“I would ask for everything from you,” he muttered in awe at her wide eyed expression.  “That you would give me your life, every single moment of it.  That you would share with me my home, my table,” he swallowed thickly as his eyes darted down to her lips for a brief spell before flicking back to her eyes, “my bed.”  His breath was heavy as he met her shocked gaze.  “Give me every moment you have left, and I will take care of you.  I will keep you safe, and make sure you never need for anything again.”

Her eyes somehow seemed to grow even bigger for a moment before her brows furrowed.  He held her very close, but as impressive and attractive as his warmth and firmness was, it wasn’t enough to distract her from the words he had uttered.  “You say you will make sure I never need for anything, but what of my wants?  What sort of life would it be, to be yours?  Would I be the only one?”  She bit her lip and broke eye contact, turning her face to the side away from his hand.  “What of love?”

He let go of her waist and lowered his hand.  His stomach felt heavy and his chest tight, but he forced his face to smooth out until it was expressionless.  He leaned back away from her.  “My apologies Lady Lisbeth, if I misread the situation, or made you uncomfortable.”  He forced a breath into his lungs and swallowed to wet his dry throat.  “Just know, I would never take anything which wasn’t freely given.”

He carefully pulled back so he could stand without jostling her.  She stayed exactly where he released her, still on her knees, as he turned away from her and made his way back to the campfires closer to the road.  He didn’t look back. 

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#bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes series #mcu fanfiction #once upon a time #once upon a time crossover #crossover fic #mcu crossover