#fuck this i’m going to bed

[badolmen]

People against piracy fail to realize that no, I can’t just ‘buy it.’ They stopped making DVDs and Blu-Rays. They’re barely offering digital copies for download. I am not spending money I could use for food or bills to pay for a subscription service just so I can always have access to a beloved piece of media. Especially not when the service will remove media on a whim without concern for how the loss of access to that piece will make its artistic conservation nigh impossible.

For example, I recently learned that Disney+ had an original film called Crater. It’s scifi, family friendly, and seems cool - I would love to buy it as a holiday gift for my little brother! But: it’s exclusive to D+ and THEY REMOVED IT LITERALLY MONTHS AFTER ITS RELEASE.

The ONLY way I can directly access this film is through piracy. The ONLY available ‘copies’ of this film are hosted on piracy websites. Disney will NEVER release it in theaters, or as something to buy, and it may NEVER return to the streaming service. It will be LOST because we aren’t allowed to purchase it for personal viewing. If I can’t pay to own it, I won’t pay for the privilege of losing it when corporate decides to put it in a vault.

So yes, I’m going to pirate and support piracy.

#ra speaks #piracy #media piracy #pirate to make hondo ohnaka proud #obligatory ‘don’t fucking pirate small authors/artists works wtf dude’ statement. #anyone who’s seen my media bitching before knows I’m a hype man for indie films this ain’t about them #this is about corporate streaming services killing physical media bc sales numbers are less impressive than number of streams #edit: USAmericans stop telling me to buy DVDs and blurays at Walmart. think outside your borders for a hot sec. fun thought exercise. #your experiences are not universal #edit: WHO GOT THIS TO 100k. I JUST WANT TO TALK (this post is my second to hit 100k woahg.) #in other news: fix your fucking posture. drink some fucking water. and go the fuck to bed if it’s late bc it’s for me rn. peace and light.

[frxxxncx]

need to know - k. soonyoung

»boyfriend!¡kwon soonyoung x fem!¡reader.

»Summary: you just wanted to dance all night long, but the night had other plans for you.

»Tags: smut (MDNI), pet names, establish relationship, chocking, exhibitionistm, dirty talk (I suck at this, I’m not joking), degradation…?, sex in public, bulge kink kind of, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, it’s a little nasty at the end ngl, kinda mean dom!soonyoung, sub!reader.

»Words: 1.7k

note: This concept of Kwon Soonyoung makes me scream in my pillow every night. Need to know was my most played song in 2021.

note 2: Any typo or incoherence that you might find was completely intentional, it’s for the sake of learning about my mistakes.

Your pink mini-skirt danced gracefully with you, stroking your plump thighs softly, fabric barely covering your ass, chest moving slowly, contrasting with the voluptuous motions of your hips.

You felt aroused, only looking for your boyfriend's gaze from the bar counter, you were the one who proposed to go out to dance, but Soonyoung, even though he liked to dance was not in the mood to do it that day, but you were willing to make his cock raise proud, as if you had telekinesis.

You felt someone behind you, but you were certain that it wasn’t your boyfriend, you were going to get away from him but an evil thought crossed your filthy mind, you decided to use the disrespectful guy whom was gripping grossly tight your waist with his flagrant sticky and sweaty hands, you wanted to provoke your boyfriend, but his reaction was taking long that you expected and you were starting to get utterly disgusted by the stranger.

Still it was thrilling, you knew what was coming after this stunt you just made. The movements of your hips were exaggerated, while your hands were placed over the other guy. Gross.

It was extremely uncomfortable to feel the unfamiliar hands travel your body with that intimacy, but at the same time you shiver at the feel of Soonyoung's strong gaze over you. So he finally saw you.

The foreign hands disappeared, being replace for your boyfriend’s hot and heavy touch, you could hear clearly how Soonyoung shouted with rage “Fuck off”. A chill ran down your back, you knew perfectly what was coming and you were so fucking prepared for the consequences of your actions.

His hands were squeezing your waist so tightly, and you were sure the silhouette of his fingers was going to be engraved in your skin in a purplish color by tomorrow. His warm breath felt delicious over the back of your neck, body’s so close you could feel all of him pressed against you. Soonyoung tongue caressed your ear feeling the cold metal of your piercings.

“Did you like provoking me while grinding against that bastard like a fucking slut in heat?” He whispered, one of his hands getting to the hem of your pinky skirt, thighs clenching together at the familiar feeling striking your cunt, his digits travelled over your soft skin, and under your skirt, fingers stroking the fabric of your lingerie.

The darkness of the place played in your favour, no one seemed like they were able to see a thing, or maybe they were just enjoying the show, perhaps they were doing the same with their partners.

The rough palms of Soonyoung caressed your cunt over the silky fabric of your underwear, making you stutter in his arms, his left hand rested on your neck choking you slightly, enough to make you moan at the pressure, you could feel your slick starting soak the thin fabric of you lingerie, you were dripping like a faucet and you needed a plumber to help you fix the problem, most definitely.

His cold fingers sneaked inside your underwear, digits now dripping wet in your arousal, you shivered thrilled with his fingers now rubbing circles in your swollen and needy clit, your hips wouldn’t stop moving anxious due to the strokes that started to become faster and faster, putting more pressure in the delicate bud of nerves, his middle fingers travelled to your core, making his ways inside of you, your hands gripped his wrist tightly, retaining a guttural moan that was building up in your throat.

His ring finger joined inside, now both digits were playing in your warm embrace, rubbing into all the good spots inside of you, while his palm was fondling your clit, his fingers scissoring you, stretching your velvety walls. Your moans slipped from your mouth uncontrollably, and you were so glad that the music was so loud, otherwise everyone would notice how your boyfriend was finger fucking the life out of you.

“You pussy so cute and so wet for me, I can feel your cunt so deliciously tight around my fingers” he whispered in your ear, curling his fingers and tightening the grip in your neck “Come on, baby, beg me for it and I will give it to you” the kiss below your ear makes you gasp, breathing was starting to become difficult “Beg for me, just like the cockslut you are” a high pitch moan escape from you when his fingers stretched more inside of you, the burning feeling only making you wish for more.

“Please, please, I need you” you whine desperately, head pressed against his chest, arching your back and moving your hips, feeling the hard on in the base of your back.

“It turns you on, huh?” His hoarse voice behind you contrasted with he sensual music that was playing now, hand that was fingering you, now unzipping his pants hurriedly“I’m going to fuck you infront of all these people and you are soaking wet for it”

He lifted your skirt and moved your underwear to the side, you felt the fabric tear in your skin, and sighed at it, his cock was caressing your sticky folds, spreading all your juices on his shaft, sliding easily on your lips.

“God, you’re so ready for me” he purred, and without thinking twice he thrusted inside of you groaning satisfied after bottoming you out, a loud and guttural moan break from you, due to the force and the toughness of the thrust it kind of burned, but it burned so good that the coil that been building in your belly increased enormously.

“Ooh, baby, you’re so perfect, so good for me” Soonyoung’s dancer hips pistoned with an animalistic pace, biting your lips was starting to become a poor attempt to muffle some of your whimpers, even the wet and lewd sound was beginning to echo over the music in your ears.

Your velvety walls were clenching around Soonyoung’s dick, making him groan satisfied, the sound of his voice caressing your ears like honey, almost triggering your desired orgasm.

The pleasure filled your insides and your clit wouldn’t stop pulsating under Soonyoung insisting rubs, left hand gripping firmly your neck taking your breath away, the coil in you belly was so close to bursting, your hips trembling and colliding with his that wouldn’t stop pistoning into you, every thrust tougher than the other.

At some point, both of his hands rested on your belly, pressing not tight but just enough to make you see stars over your head like a pretty halo, his dick jammed inside of you and the pressure of his hands made you feel like your guts were being rearranged, everything was hot and narrow, your lips were bright red and glossy, you thought that tomorrow they would hurt so bad.

Soonyoung kept hammering into you, one hand pressing your stomach and the other taking your breath away once again, while his hips drilled into you fast and messy, your so desired orgasms stroke through you, body jerking forward as you howled in pleasure, while he kept grunting on the damp skin of your nape, and finally he let go of you neck. He plumped himself dry into you, painting your insides white.

And perhaps it was because you were on a public place or maybe it was the fact that your boyfriend just was exceptionally good at fucking you, but if he wasn’t holding you tight, you would be in the floor due to the overstimulation.

“Fuck, I think we need to go home” he said getting out of you slowly, hearing you whine in the process, now he was fixing his pants and holding tight onto you.

The words could get out of your mouth properly, you only remained clinging onto Soonyoung’s arm while his still warm cum travelled in the soft skin between your thighs, your cunt was sore, even then you could feel his dick inside of you, making you shudder, your legs were all wobbly and the sticky load was peeking from the edge of your skirt. Soonyoung felt bad about it and wiped it as much as he could with his hand, and then he fixed your underwear so his cum wouldn’t go anywhere.

You tried to walk while grabbing your boyfriend’s shirt tightly, but your legs just gave up and a mini scream came out when you felt like falling on your face.

“Sonnie, I can’t, my legs” you said, stuttering looking at your boyfriend with shining eyes because of the tears, still moaning quietly trying to stand still.

He looked at you with furrowed eyebrows and a smirk, satisfied of having fucked you so well you couldn’t even walk, but still he felt a little -just a little- bad for you, maybe he was to rough, you liked it though.

Chuckling Soonyoung gave you one last look full of joy and breathed out surrendering.

“Come on, pretty, I’ll carry you” he said before lifting you into bridal style, making you feel as light as a feather. “When we get home, I’ll make us a warm bath and I’ll clean you up very well, it’s okay, honey?” He asked in a childish tone, making you laugh and nod at the same time.

Once you were outside the club, Soonyoung made sure to put you in the passenger seat carefully but still a gasp came out of you, he zipped your belt and closed your door, and then he went to his seat.

During the drive home, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit tense because of the sticky mess in between your legs, but still the light burn in your core felt quite pleasant making your cunt pulsate.

When you finally where in front of your house, you sighted “Next time instead of fucking in the middle of the dance floor, better drag me to the car and fuck my brains out here” the embarrassment was starting to kick in, the liquid confidence losing its effects.

Soonyoung looked at you with a crooked smile "why next time when I can do it right now?"

#kwon soonyoung you’ve got me in a chokehold #I’ll never get over hoshi x elle korea #i want him #now i’m going to bed #fuck​ irregular verbs ;cc #svt #seventeen #svt fanfic #svt smut #svt x reader #seventeen x reader #seventeen hoshi #seventeen soonyoung #soonyoung x reader #kwon soonyoung #hoshi #hoshi smut #svt hoshi #svt soonyoung #svthub #hoshi x reader #soonyoung smut #kwon hoshi #seventeen smut

[vinnyandthephenomena]

my friend told me tim looks like morrissey

#HEELLLLPPPP ME NOW I NEED TO BE RESTRAINED #This is so fucking stupid #marble hornets #I’m giggling #sorry about this one it’s literally almost 5am #mh #tim wright #tim wright marble hornets #if nobody finds this funny me and my friend did #this isn’t the one she saw of him but i didn’t feel like hunting it down #i should go to bed #i’m so sorry

[echomimus]

scoops ahoy is back. steve too

eddie says he’s here to help. he doesn’t

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #procreate #fan art #stranger things fanart #digital art #i just want to go to bed #i swear i’m so fucking tired #it’s not funny anymore

[bluesgras]

RAHHH THERES 1000 OF YOU WOOOO

i don’t even know what to say but thank you all so so so so so so much. that’s like at least 10 of you. that’s a lot man

ANYWAY DTIYS RULES OR WHATEVER

#bluesgras1k so i can see it, you can tag me if you’d like to as well!

uhh it can be anything vaguely similar or themed around the photo and SD leo? yeah i think that’s it. no deadline, though i guess if you want one, the end of november. other then that go wild tumblr

and thank you

#can you tell i have no idea what i’m doing #anyway yeah #go wild #i will be happy with any and all things anyone creates #you guys are awesome #special thanks to the sep council and the beans server for talking me through making this thing #especially when i lost half my progress (fuck you clip studio) #y’all some of the nicest people i’ve ever met #blues notespad #tmnt #tmnt snapdragon #rottmnt #rottmnt leo #bluesgras1k #right it’s 2am #bed time

[slutnali]

#mirage amuro #jesus fucking christ #she will be the death of me #I’m going back to bed gn I’ll need the recovery

[ewwww-what]

They are never beating the cozy allegations.

#conked out while talking about nerd shit #they’re so fucking cringe I hate their guts #/aff #they have the best friends necklaces on by the way I want to point that out specifically #because they are best friends #extremely important to me #I’ve been trying to figure out how to do the whole fantasy height differences thing #so I’m between riz being ball size as he is described #or like #5 feet tall y’know? #he gives me so much grief every time i draw him #I’ll figure it out probably #the consequences of listening to warsh tippy and zelda right before bed #on my behalf #I made this low effort on purpose it is a physical battle for me not to go back and edit it #(I did anyway cause I forgot Fabian’s patch) #fantasy high #d20 #d20 fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 fanart #riz fh #riz fantasy high #riz gukgak #fabian fantasy high #fabian fh #fabian seacaster #undescribed #my art

[cellgatinbo]

call me the federation the way i’m manufacturing cucuruchos

i would say i’m squishing him like a squeaky toy but he is in fact very hard plastic with harsh edges and that hurts .

#qsmp #qsmp fanart #jay’s 3d printing (mis)adventures #cucurucho #my mom saw it and called it a little snowman and i found that very funny :) #also a second one (with revolutionary Sitting Functionality™ included) is currently printing but that won't be done for 8 hours #so i’m just gonna go to bed and pray that it doesn’t just fuck itself up at some point (:

[kev-smell-my-fart]

it’s about time we get to see this man commit nuclear genocide (JOKE, PLEASE LAUGHj) this was the best update ever like and reblog immediately if you agree 😁

#art more like fart #my art #artwork #artists on tumblr #pizza tower #the noise #queue without the u’s and e’s #btw this is a redraw of a thing I already posted. it’s dogshit #but I think I cooked with this one. at least I think so #idk it’s 12am as i’m writing this i’m going the fuck to bed GOOD NIGHT

[getosugurusbangs]

a kiss to remember

#uhhhh happy birthday isagi #i’m going the fuck to bed #sayonara you weeaboo shits #bllk #blue lock #bllk fanart #bllk art #blue lock art #blue lock fanart #isaness #isaness fanart #nessagi #nessagi fanart #yoichi isagi #isagi yoichi #alexis ness #ness alexis #my artwork

[phatcatphergus]

I think that my main takeaway from this is that while the miscommunication is one thing, and there was obviously a barrier there that wasn’t sorted out, I don’t appreciate the way the admin went about talking about it. I think that tossing tubbo into the hot seat and talking about his lore on another persons stream (who is not connected to the lore) was unprofessional and they should have reached out with a private message first to get some clarity or ensure Tubbo was done with the lore before assuming he was.

My biggest problem is how the fandom treated tubbo afterwards. They used both his dyslexia and known forgetfulness to make fun of and blame him for a situation he had only half fault in at worst. The fandom gaslight him into doubting his own abilities and did so to a point that is triggering to those suffering with derealization or disassociation (which Tubbo has mentioned he had episodes with in the past or something similar). The absolute worst part of it all is that we all read and interpreted the book the exact same as Tubbo did and instead of taking accountability, people blamed tubbo for being “too dyslexic”, “too forgetful”, or “too dumb” to interpret the book correctly.

It’s genuinely horrific how people think that he’s too dumb for his own lore (because he’s nd perhaps?) and that he’s entirely at fault for a simple miscommunication error. I hope he continues with his lore the way he wants because this is all such bs

#it’s honestly so disgusting how they think they can treat him like that and then it fucking works and he second guesses himself #bullying is not nice!!! #I think it also plays into how a lot of people don’t feel like they can critique the admins themselves bc they work so hard #and they do! but trhat doesn’t meant they’re perfect #they’re human and we all make mistakes that warrent criticism #tubbo #qsmp fandom crit #qsmp fandom neg #tw ableism #I’m going to bed now so wish me sweet dreams

[chrollohearttags]

sleepy/sonmo sex with ace….

#he’s taking up my frontal lobe again #don’t mind me #barely keeping his eyes open #damn near asleep #but so pussy drunk he has to use what energy he has to slowly thrust into you #mumbling in a sleepy voice and begging for you to let him put it in 🫠🫠🫠🫠 #‘please mama I’ll be quick i promise’ #FUCK I NEED HIM SO BAD EJSKGSJSGDH #cherry chats 🍒 #portgas d ace #portgas ace x reader #ace x black reader #banging my head against the wall #him filling you up because he’s too tired to pull out—‘ #i’m going to bed now #one piece smut #one piece ace #smut headcanons #one piece headcanons

[lilnasxvevo]

A fic that looks like it’s about to be a Wangxian kid fic because WWX is seriously considering adopting A-Yuan because all of A-Yuan’s living relatives are too old or too sick to take care of him except for Wen Qing, who is an ER doctor and just simply does not have the time to do that and be a single parent of a little kid, so maybe, because A-Yuan loves you so much, Wei Ying, you could adopt him, and then what’s left of his birth family could still stay in his life…

But HERE COMES JIANG WANYIN WITH A STEEL CHAIR and a “We could get fake married and I could help you take care of A-Yuan, it’s not fair that you should have to give up your nephew just because this country has so few accommodations for single parents, I’m really good with kids (probably) I’ve always wanted to be a parent (kinda) and it’ll be a totally 100% platonic marriage because I’m DEFINITELY not secretly in love with you” and then the rest of the fic is chengqing fake relationship AU

#let us be honest it would take WQ an astonishingly brief amount of time to be like ‘hey after the kid falls asleep do you want to #have sex. as platonic friends’ #I’m thinking less than a week before that happens and I’m being generous #as she now shares a bedroom AND BED with the hottest man she’s ever met and like #she’s trying very hard to not fuck this up by falling in love with him so. sex? sex will keep her from falling in love with him #she is pretty sure of this!! #meanwhile Jiang Cheng has maybe never in his life had sex with someone without falling in love with them AND he’s ALREADY in love with WQ #but what the fuck is he going to do—say NO??? #say NO when the gorgeous woman he’s in love with and technically married to propositions him? #just say NO and continue to share a bed with her in awkward silence???? #listen. Jiang Cheng is a very principled man but he has his motherfucking limits

[echomimus]

happens everytime

#this is basically a redraw of my first ghostleon doodle but listen #i love them #i need to draw them smooching someday #unrelated but i don’t know if it’s covid or the flu but i’m sick as fuck :( #ghostleon #dbd #dbd fanart #dead by daylight fanart #dead by daylight #danny jed olsen johnson #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #ghostface #procreate #i just want to go to bed

[finntheehumaneater]

An Ego Thing (Final Part?)

part one, part two, part three

Hallo everybody! It is around 01:45 where I am, and I am so fucking tired. BUT I DID IT. I FINISHED IT. MAYBE. I HAVEN’T DECIDED. Anyways, enjoy, and let me know your thoughts because I have never done something like this before and I don’t know if I ended it well.

I posted this on an update thing a few days ago, but I thought it was funny, so I’m going to post it again:

I also did not go over his like…at all. Because if I do it in the morning and not post it now, I won’t end up posting it for like another week, getting caught up on all the little details. So I’m sorry if literally none of this makes any sense. Sorry.

(This part is best enjoyed listening to Strawberry Wine by Noah Kahan, for no other reason than that’s the song that I remember listening ti while writing this. And you legally have to listen to it while reading this. And then maybe listen to his most recent album…who knows. I’m just emotionally attached to this man)

(Call Your Mom is also a good song to listen to while reading, but specifically the one with Lizzy McAlpine in it that came out a few days ago)

enjoy :)

— —

What in the actual fuck was he doing? Sitting in his van outside of Steve’s house. He must’ve been insane. He was insane.

He turned off the van and got out of the car, shoes hitting on the icy sidewalk in a way that almost made him slip, and—god fucking damnit—he could hear the music from outside. How loud was it in the house, then? Louder than he wanted it to be.

With a shuddering breath, he carefully walked up the driveway to Steve’s house, staying more on the lightly snowed-over grass than his icy driveway (apparently the salt didn’t make it there, either). His hands were shaking, more than he wanted to admit, as he opened the door, and—

Fuck.

That music was loud.

It smelled like alcohol and nicotine, which was weird, because Eddie knew that the smell of cigarette smoke bothered Steve, now (and Steve had made Eddie stop smoking around him, which was a big ask). He pushed past many groups of drunk girls that all smiled a bit too widely at him, so he just smiled back politely and then kept walking.

Steve wasn’t anywhere. Some of the girls were shooting him weird looks as he gently (or at least tried to be) pushed past, walking around empty beer cans and a few abandoned t-shirts, their owners nowhere to be seen.

Eddie wasn’t going to panic. Sure, he was in a loud place full of people and they kept bumping into him, but he wasn’t going to panic. It wasn’t like he wanted to curl up in the corner of the room and put his hands over his ears—because he liked music. Except when it wasn’t his music. And when he didn’t choose to put it on.

There were a few people standing off to the side, who were having a quiet, and hushed conversation, looking over at him occasionally. He ducked his head low and walked away from them, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself, just in case anyone noticed that he hadn’t exactly been invited.

He had done so much illegal shit, and this was the thing that was making him feel guilty?

No—not guilty, anxious. He was feeling anxious—mostly about having to talk to Steve about why he had kissed him. He was still—and very stubbornly—both with and against the idea of telling him.

As hard as he tried, it was getting too much. He kept tripping over empty bottles and cups, bumping into girls who looked drunk out of their minds, so he took the stairs, only to find more people hovering around the next floor of the house. He squeezed through them and knocked on the bathroom door, needing a quiet place to sit before he kept trying to look for Steve.

He secretly hoped that he wouldn’t find him. He didn’t want to lose another friend just because he had made a fucking mistake. 

“Fuck off,” a voice from the other side of the door bit back in response to his knock, the voice sounding raspy and wet—damp and stiff, like the person had been crying.

Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes, dropping his hand—which was still shaking—from the handle. “Shit, no need to—“

Hold on.

Fucking—Hold on.

He knew that voice.

“Steve…?” He whispered hesitantly, leaning a bit closer to the wood of the door to try and hear the person's response over the sound of the music. There was a very long pause, and then some scuffling noises. And then a quiet, softening voice, which immediately hardened over again. 

“Eds…? Fuck…”

“Stevi—Steve…can I come in?” This is not what he had wanted to happen. He had wanted to find Steve and bring him away from all of the noise, talk to him in the quietness of his van, or the small clearing in the woods behind Steve’s house that was only a minutes walk—not long enough to avoid a small, build up conversation to what he actually wanted to say.

“Y-yeah. Yeah. Whatever.” 

There was a click and then the door opened slightly, which Eddie took as an invitation to slip inside, only to find Steve grabbing his arm and quickly tugging him inside, shoving him away towards the now-closed door. Eddie felt all too cornered, like this. Much more than he had felt with Robin, but in a worse way, since he knew that Steve wasn’t going to actually hurt him in the ways that Robin was thinking about before Eddie had explained everything to her.

He held up his hands in surrender, his eyes widening. “…Hi.”

“Hi.” Steve whispered, glaring at him and sitting down with his back pressed against the side-wall of the bathtub. 

“This is an odd place to hang out, don’t you think?” Eddie mused quietly, sliding down the door, the tile floor cold beneath him. The bathroom was small enough that his and Steve’s knees nearly touched. “Robin mentioned you having done this before.”

“This—this isn’t like with me and Robin. This is different.” Steve said, looking away, his eyes a bit glassy. Come to think of it—Eddie had never really seen Steve cry, before. Maybe it was because Steve didn’t cry much, or because Eddie didn’t know what to do and would panic—just getting up and getting Robin before something actually happened.

And, now that he was thinking…he didn’t know what happened at Starcourt mall before it burned down. He couldn’t even really remember what Robin had said to him about it—something about a meaningful conversation and drugs, too close in a bathroom stall at the movie theater…something about that stupid work uniform that Eddie wished Steve still owned, because he would have loved to have been able to see him in it up close. Not that he had the courage to go up to Steve and talk to him when the mall was still standing.

He had always just passed by—albeit one too many times, and mostly on purpose— just to see if Steve was still there. But there was no way in hell that anything between him and Steve would’ve happened if he had gone up and said hi, maybe ordered some ice cream, just to get to stay a bit longer without it getting too awkward.

He wished he had said hi. 

“I never said it was.” Eddie muttered, sighing and leaning his head back against the door. “Look, Steve—“

“Don’t just—just don’t, okay? I-I’m not mad at you or anything anymore, okay? It’s…it’s fine.” Steve whispered, his head dropping down two arms the floor slightly as he squeezed his eyes shut, his arms having a death grip on the top of his knees, fingertips red from the force of holding on, almost like he would shatter and crack, would slip through the vent grate and be lost forever if he didn’t hold himself together then and there.

Eddie wanted to reach out and touch Steve’s hands, to move them off of his knees and hold them in his own, telling him to relax and to tell him why he had kissed him. Why he…liked him. A word that still didn’t sit right on his tongue. But he didn’t.

But he didn’t.

“Steve—“

“No, Eddie, just—it’s fine. I-I don’t even know why you came here—“

“Steve! Please, for the love of fuck, just listen!” He snapped softly, huffing and rubbing his face over with his hands, brushing curls out of his face. “Please.”

And oh fuck, it hurt Eddie to see Steve shrink into himself slightly, immediately quiet like he was to being told to shut up—like this was normal and he already knew not to argue. But he did argue. He would tell the kids to “fuck off”, and he would glare and whine at Robin until she gave up and let him get his point across—or he would just straight up ignore her and keep talking.

Then why did he flinch when it was Eddie? When the tone he had used wasn’t even the least bit angry, just exasperated and tired—a quiet, exhausted whisper of a yell. Maybe he hadn’t said it in the tone that he thought.

“Oh…Steve…” Eddie whispered, his eyebrows pressed together in concern as he sat up a bit straighter, hands itching to just reach over and touch him. But again, he didn’t. He couldn’t. 

“It’s fine.” Steve whispered, repeating that again and again thought the conversation, like he wanted—no—like he needed Eddie to believe it. And Eddie didn’t fucking believe it for a second. 

“Stop.” Maybe he shouldn’t have used that tone, again—because Steve flinched again, his breath hitching. It really wouldn’t do good to yell at Steve while he looked so close to tears, and seemed to have been crying even before Eddie had stumbled upon him up there.

 “Stevie…”

“Please, Eds, I—please…I-I don’t want to talk about it anymore…i’m fine…” Steve’s voice shook and his fingers gripped his knees even harder. Eddie did that, too—pinched and rugged at his skin when he got upset, when he was trying not to cry, or to let his guard down too much. At least, that’s what he assumed Steve was doing. Eddie didn’t really do as much. He was trying to get better at it.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Eddie muttered, tapping his foot gently against the side of Steve’s thigh, finally moving it from where he had previously been pressing it so hard against the floor to the point that it stung.

So maybe he did still do it. Getting better was hard, and a conscious effort that he didn’t have the energy to worry about. 

Steve loosened his hands, dropping them into his lap, his face coloring a deep shade of red as he looked away, seeming to bite back a sob as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

He was drunk.

It took Eddie long enough to realize—but he was drunk.

And he had been a bit drunk when they had been watching the movie, too. He had been drunk when Eddie had kissed him.

“Steve—“ Eddie said softly, schooching forwards slightly and resting his hand on top of the one of Steve’s that was still (lightly, now) pressed against his knee, squeezing gently and sighing. “I didn’t kiss you to be a dick, okay? Or because I thought it was some joke when you told me that you liked guys. I promise.”

Steve still looked like he wanted nothing to do with the conversation—tears finally starting to drip down his cheeks and onto Eddie’s hand—Eddie panicked, wondering if he had stepped too far with the physical contact. He was about to move his hand away from Steve’s knee, when Steve’s hand flipped around underneath Eddie’s to grip at it tightly, his other hand quickly reaching over to tug Eddie’s hand to his chest as he took in a deep, shaky breath, whispering, “I kind of wish you had kissed me like that. To—to be a dick.”

Eddie’s smile—which hadn’t really been a smile in the first place—faltered ever more as he heard that, his heart all pinched up in places as the softness and truth in Steve’s voice stabbed needles through him, leaking out any hope that this night would go well. “What…?”

“I—I wish that you had done it to be a dick.” Steve repeated, leaning in a bit closer to Eddie, if only slightly.

“N-no, no. I—I heard you, Stevie. I heard you the first time.” Eddie muttered, shifting slightly from where the cold-tile was pressing against the bottom of his thighs in a way that was now making him feel uncomfortable. “Just…what do you mean by that?”

“I—“ Steve’s voice faltered. “Because I like you. I really, really like you, a-and I knew that you kissed me because…because you liked me, too. B-but—I can’t…Eddie…” He took in another shaky breath, but it snagged weird on the edges, getting caught on all of the things that he didn’t say—all of the things that Eddie didn’t understand. The tears were coming faster now, and without thinking, Eddie reached up and cupped Steve’s cheek, wiping them away with his thumb.

He didn’t expect Steve to lean into his touch—mostly because he hadn’t expected to touch him like this at all—or even to turn his head ever so slightly and kiss the inside of Eddie’s palm, his fingers gently reaching up to curl around Eddie’s own, which were starting to shake again.

“You…you want this to go somewhere, Eds…but…a-and I do, too. But it can’t.”

That hurt Eddie even more—for Steve to give him everything he had ever wanted, to give him hope and show him how things could be, only then to rip it away out of his hands not a moment later. His voice was cracked and dry when he whispered back a soft and unsure—and slightly (no, very) disappointed, “Why…?”

“Eds…”

“If—if your worried about what other people will think, then—“

Steve shook his head, his thumb slowly rubbing across Eddie’s knuckles, in a way that Eddie would have normally loved to feel, but now just felt painful and all too real. Eddie resisted the urge to pull his hand away from Steve’s. “I-it can’t because I’m…I’m not ready for something like this.”

“Steve—“

“Let me finish, please.” Steve whispered, and his voice sounded so uncharacteristically soft compared to how he would’ve normally asked. “I mean—fuck, Eds…someone mentions the—the mall, and…and I just shut down. A-and I have a panic attack every time the lights flicker, I—“

“I know.” Eddie rushes out. “I-I know, Stevie, I know, okay? And…I just…fuck…” He trailed off when Steve’s face scrunched up even more, looking like he wanted to sob. “Fuck, Stevie….don’t…don’t cry…please..”

Steve let go of Eddie’s hands, pressing them hard against his mouth to muffle the sob that slipped out, his eyes squeezed shut as his body shook. He was drunk. Eddie reminded himself that. He was drunk. This was normal for Steve being drunk. He got sad easily when he was drunk, especially if he was with someone that he really trusted—yet this time, it felt…weird. It felt different.

Eddie sighed and then gently moved Steve a bit closer to him, ducking his head down to meet Steve’s gaze, which immediately flicked away, looking anywhere but Eddie’s eyes. “Hey…”

“Hey..” Steve choked out, the sound still softened by his hands, his eyes blinking open. Blinking past the tears that were quickly piling up.

Eddie reached up and lightly tugged Steve’s hands away, moving them down into his lap, his hands curling around Steve’s cheek. He sucked in a deep breath and then kissed Steve’s forehead, muttering against his skin, “Why’re you crying?”

He was going to be as nice as he could. Because Steve was drunk. 

(But that wasn’t the only reason and he knew it. He wanted a quiet moment like this before they went back to being ‘just friends’—)

“Because…y-you’re…you’re upset now, and—“

“Hey, hey…” Eddie whispered, leaning away from Steve slightly to look him in the eyes, gently tilting Steve’s head up to face him. “I’m not upset that you don’t want to date me, pretty boy. Promise. I’m not upset with you.”

Steve’s face scrunched up at the nickname—and Eddie knew how much he hated it (he didn’t really, but Steve would never admit that)—and the tears slowed. “Promise?”

“Mhm. I promise.” Eddie sighed and let got of Steve’s face, brushing some hair out of his face, it’s usual curl in the front droopy and messed up, which was so fucking adorable.

Steve sighed. “I…want to try, though. Even—even though I know it won’t…won’t go anywhere, but…still…” He was still looking at Eddie, Steve’s eyes scanning his face as if he was searching for some sign that Eddie really was upset with him. 

He couldn’t be more happy, actually.

“Really?” He whispered, his hand back on Steve’s knee, tapping the scratchy fabric of his jeans along to the song in the background that Eddie hadn’t even realized until then. Until it got deathly quiet when Steve had stopped crying, and when the rumbling noise of the heater had finally turned off. He had forgotten that they were even at a party in the first place.

Steve nodded, his fingertips brushing over Eddie’s rings, red marks around where the fake-silver met his skin from where Steve had pushed them against his hand with his death grip from earlier—although Eddie hadn’t really felt it. “Really..”

“Fuck—that’s—that’s great.” Eddie breathed, laughing quietly.

Steve didn’t laugh with him, but he exhaled sharply, a small smile on his face as he wiped his eyes. “I just don’t want to fuck this up…I’ve never been with a guy before.”

“We’ll go slow, alright?” Eddie said softly, giving Steve a fucking stupid smile, but he didn’t care, because he was feeling…fucking.. ecstatic, right then.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. We’ll go slow. I—I trust you.”

“That’s good.” Eddie teased, pausing and then tiling his head slightly. He could feel the best crawling back into his cheeks as he asked, “Can I…kiss you?”

Steve nodded.

Eddie had never expected that his first actual kiss with Steve Harrington would eh on the floor of the small, mostly unused bath of the Harrington house—which, by the way, smelled slightly of mold and old lavender soap. 

But he fucking loved it.

They were okay.

They were going to be okay.

Holy fuck, he couldn’t wait to tell Robin.

— —

(I doodle when I’m stressed, so have this tiny me contemplating my life’s choices)

AGAIN LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS I DON’T KNOW IF I LIKE HOW I POSSIBLY WRAPPED THIS UP, AND WOULD LOVE ANY KIND OF FEEDBACK FOR IF I WRITE FAN FICTION AGAIN.

it’s also on Ao3, now!

TAGLIST:

@strangersteddierthings

@different-tale-student

@nburkhardt

@i-less-than-three-you

@paintsplatteredandimperfect

@heaven428

@swimmingbirdrunningrock

@estrellami-1

@multimediawhxre

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@starman-jpg

@queenie-ofthe-void

ALSO TYSM FOR @strangersteddierthings FOR POSTING THE PROMPT THAT MADE ME WRITE THIS. THIS WAS LITERALLY ALL FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT <3

#An Ego Thing By Finn #i am so fucking tired right now #But I’m listening to Maine by Noah Kahan #So we’re slaying currently #Holy fucking shit I need to go to bed #stranger things #eddie munson #steddie #steve harrington #Robin Buckley