#fuck john

[2nameles2write]

if they ever make a tv/film adaptation of TheLockedTomb I will riot if Alecto isn’t played by Margo Robbie in all her deranged Barbie glory.

#tlt #the locked tomb #alecto the ninth #barbie #the need I had to say this was making me go mad #I could not get the full barbie experience because of this #Fuck john #and his objectively creepy barbie obsession #harrowhark nonagesimus #is a barbie stan

[charli3emily]

Robert to his bio dad

#lord of the flies #lotf #lotf fandom #lotf robert #he deserved it dw #fuck john

[dr-reids-fidget-toy]

in that episode, the first one with another psychic, where the kid named max was beaten by his father and uncle? yeah at the end sam is like "we're lucky we had dad, and that he didnt drink, it could have easily turned into the same thing." dean's face. sam doesnt know that it did. god

#spn #supernatural #fuck john #dean winchester #spn s1

[cardi-c]

i wuv hugz

#dean should keep wearing this fjkajdsa #and holy shit #'i didnt know how long you cleaned dads messes' #so their marriage was obviously not perfect.... #fuck john #cardi watches supernatural

[mywitchcultblr]

I am sexy, you are sexy, we all are sexy. Except for that bitch John that pushed me on the playground and gave me a bloody nose I still ain't over that...

Fuck you John how dare u

#fuck john #anon #anon ask #funny

[prowlwolf]

High school is weird..

I just wrote a two page BIOLOGY essay (single space 7 Times new Roman for those curious) on how our planet is run by a brainless ugly goblin named John that the universe fucking hates

#the universe hates John #I’m not sure how this counts as a biology essay #fuck john

[kaicore-art]

The name John is so weird.. you never think of a kid named John. I believe people named John pop out the womb as a middle aged man with a suit and briefcase. There is no fucking way that there is a child named John out there

#john #nobody named john is a child #fuck john

[stalebagels]

Edit: muted this monstrosity but if you're looking for the blank template it's on my blog and I'll tag this and it with "the stupid fucking shorts post" so you don't have to scroll through everything 💀😂 (I did not make the template btw, I don't know who the OP is but if you do please let me know)

#the stupid fucking shorts post #everyone asking about Trevor i am sorry but I've never watched him 💀 #stephen colbert #john oliver #jimmy kimmel #seth meyers #conan o'brien #craig ferguson #jon stewart #strike force five #strike force memes #strike force #last week tonight #the late show with stephen colbert #the late show #the late late show #conan #conan o'brien needs a friend #late night with conan o'brien #late night with seth meyers #jimmy kimmel live #the daily show with jon stewart #the problem with jon stewart #the jon stewart show #the colbert report #meme #late night #late night hosts #comedians in queues

[homestuckreblogs]

#edit: No I did not censor the word fuck. that’s from the original meme. c’mon #homestuck #413 #homestuck 413 #dave strider #karkat vantas #rose lalonde #john egbert #jade harley #dirk strider #jake english #kanaya maryam #happy 413

[captainfern]

thinking about captain john price being built like this

oh… (18+, gn!reader)

in my humblest of opinions, the ‘strong dad bod’ is one of the sexiest fucking builds a man can have and i can’t stop thinking about them

especially if price had one *screams into my pillow like an idiot*

can you imagine how obsessed he’d be with draping his body over yours ?? like if you’re at the kitchen counter, or standing on your toes to reach something on a high shelf, price would be smushing himself right up against your back

big arms wrapping around your torso, large hands splayed over the softness of your belly, the warm mounds of his pectorals and stomach pressed firmly against your back

he’d tuck his head against your shoulder and kiss your neck and the side of your face, pushing more of his weight onto you

such a good hugger, so warm and cozy and safe <3 would also be used as a human weighted blanket and i’d hope to god he’d trap me beneath him oh my god

imagine running your hands up and down the smooth, fatty ridges of muscle that took up most of his abdomen and arms. the hair too !! ugh i’d just pet him for hours like a little cat lol

*sarah paulson voice* THE HORNY IS ESCAPING !!!

thinking about the feel of this kind of body draped over your back as he fucked you hard into the mattress, both of his hands on your hips and keeping you pinned so that he could rut into you like a man starved

mmm or his large hands wrapped around your legs and keeping them bent up towards your head while he drills into you, his own soft tummy rubbing against yours

price with a muscly dad bod like this would make you put your legs over his wide shoulders while he’s eating you out, one hand on the pudge of your lower stomach and the other squeezing the flesh of your arse

god his cock would be so fucking thick like don’t even get me started 😭

he’d stretch you open so well too, make you come almost one too many times before he’s easing himself into you and stretching you open with a moan of your name

or or you’d ride him and constantly running your hands and/or nails up and down the soft dips of his body, moaning as his cock hit so deep and almost made you come within mere seconds of sinking down onto his cock lmao

i’m so horny for price and this type of body oh my god i just can’t

#captainfern #captain john price #captain john price smut #price smut #call of duty #call of duty smut #going insane oh my fucking god

[amikoroyaiart]

Some 22 and 09 angst doodles

#mw3 spoilers #ghostsoap #soapghost #call of duty #modern warfare III #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #i tried to draw fluff but it didn't help me #so i've decided to just put all my feelings into these doodles #it was easier with 09 knowing they were both dead #but 22 were my safe space kinda like their second chance #and to see what the fuck happened in the campaign breaks my heart #because i know they did that just because it was rushed and it had no ending #such a disrespect to the cast and the fans

[alwaysshallow]

boys trying to survive nnn with their partner (141 + los vaqueros + könig x f!reader)

a/n: if it wasn't for @blissful-bunny, there wouldn't be nnn. LMAOOO i hope y'all will enjoy, it's my first time doing something like this... and i think i don't hate it as i did before!

mdni, as always. nsfw below + keegan's version here

Simon "Ghost" Riley

Being around Ghost durning this time is funny, to say the least. You know about this bet from Gaz, when you invited the whole Task Force 141 for dinner. There wasn't much of a reaction from you, just a nod and a hum that's interesting to hear that. Nothing more, until your boyfriend's friends went home, and you stayed with him, washing dishes.

"You think you're gonna last?" you ask, and you pretty much can't stop yourself from laughing when he gives you a side eye.

"'s just a month." he grumbles, and you know, you somehow irritated him. Or, the bet did, you're not really sure. "Been through worse."

Theoretically, it is true. He's military, he has seen things that you won't ever see, something so stupid like this challenge shouldn't be something hard to do.

Practically? Practically, he takes every fucking chance to get closer to you. You're making breakfast, showering, washing the dishes? He's gonna be right behind you. It's not surprising at first, he liked to be near you always, but it has a malicious intent to it, when he drags his clothed cock up and down your ass, grunting right into your ear. He gets you worked up, and you're pretty sure he's gonna lose, but he stops right before he cums.

You can't really decide if it's funny or sad to see him like this. It's his pained expression that he gives when he bites on his lower lip, grumbling something about watching you touching yourself, so it will be better. You can't really say no to a man starved, so you put out a show for him, thinking how so much better his fingers would be in your pussy.

If it would depend on you, you'd kneel and relieve him, but what can you do, when he has this ridiculous challenge of his?

He breaks after two days, when he sees you in your shared gym, exercising. It's unexpected, when he puts down dumbbells you were working with, doing squats; you want to ask what's wrong, but when he lifts you up, your back hitting the wall, you just know. You even forgive him when he doesn't prep you enough, and he just thrusts into you without much thinking of it, his balls heavy.

You know you won't leave this gym for a long time.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

"You're participating in what?"

To say it was weird, was one thing. To say that Kyle does it, was even weirder, especially that he was straight from two months of deployment. Needy. You knew it, as you were with him almost three years by now, he had always spent hours in bed with you because he missed you like a madman. These two months were pretty much the longest you've been separated with him, so, you can imagine your surprise, when you learned about the challenge, when you two were cleaning your apartment. He was touching you every now and then, giving you little kisses, and now he was talking about something like this.

"I'm—"

"—No, I heard you" you chuckled, shaking your head. "I'm like… trying to understand who convinced you to do so."

"Bet with Soap. Lad thinks 'm not gonna last with you." he murmurs, and you just know that this motherfucker made this as a personal challenge. So, you just nod your head, to Kyle's surprise on his pretty face. "That's… all you're gonna say?"

"What else I'm supposed to say?" you raise your eyebrow, amused. "That I feel sorry for you, this will do?"

"That ain't funny."

"It is, kind of funny." you grin, as you kiss his forehead, at which he closes his eyes, so you repeat kissing his forehead a few times. "I'm gonna support you in this, yeah? So it's gonna be easier."

It wasn't easier. You could see that he glances at you every now and then, when you are doing domestic things around the house, giving him little, encouraging smiles. Little do you know that Kyle's bulge is growing larger and larger every time he looks at you.

Gaz is pretty calm, at least until he sees you in his t-shirt (that is way too big for you) and just panties underneath, sitting right beside him with a bowl of popcorn. You two planned to watch a movie, but your boyfriend quickly brushes it off, as his hand wanders under the hem of your panties.

"Kyle, you—"

"I know." he almost growls, as he puts you on his lap.

The moment he feels your wetness, he's a gone man; he makes you ride him, and the challenge is just a fading memory, when his lips attack yours.

John "Soap" MacTavish

Soap is absolutely offended when everyone in Task Force 141 tells him he's gonna lose the challenge. He can't shut up about it for an hour straight, as he lays with his head on your lap, telling you something about celibacy and being true lover, not some "horny arse like the others". You listen to it with a small, amused smile on your lips because as much as you love your boyfriend, everyone is right about it.

He's not gonna last, and he knows it personally too, but you say nothing about it. You just listen to Johnny's ramblings, until his eyes are on you, observing your reaction so casually.

"What do ya think? 'm gonna beat it? Be the best?" he tilts his head like a puppy, squinting his eyes. It's an icy ground you're standing on right now.

"I think… it's gonna be hard." you answer; slowly, reluctantly. It's not something that he wants to hear though, as he groans, shaking his head with displeasure. "What? You asked!"

"I ken it's gonna be hard. 'm askin', if 'm gonna beat it" he emphasizes his last words, and you can feel he barely holds himself from rolling his eyes.

"…well, baby, as much as I have faith in you in other things…"

It's not a good answer for him, nor for a challenge, considering that you end up getting fucked by him – it's some kind of punishment, he tells you, when he folds you in half. He tells you that he also didn't lose the challenge, technically, as you had sex November 1st , at 3 a.m. You nod, hesitantly, so you could go to sleep without causing him to ramble about it again; you are exhausted.

It takes him three days of fucking you in various places to finally come into the conclusion that the challenge isn't for him. Three days of promising and hearing him whining that it's gonna be 'st the tip, baby, to feel you good.

"Good that you've figured that out." you say with a small smile, in restaurant's bathroom, his forehead against yours, as his cock is still buried deep inside you.

"Lasted longer than lads. Sure of that."

John Price

You want to think of your husband highly, when you hear of this stupid thingy. The authority, someone that leads the Task Force 141, setting the example for his younger proteges with his willpower. Someone who actually cares about engaging in challenges, even if they're stupid, even if he shouldn't even look at something like this.

Yet, you know John, you're married to him, for God's sake – and you know his sex drive. When this man is home, nothing and no one stops him from getting what he wants, and that's on you. In your mind, there's a core memory of him saying that he absolutely loves your pussy, multiple times.

So it's not a surprise that he doesn't participate in this challenge. It's not a surprise when he babbles about having kids with you while he fucks you wherever he can; kitchen counter, under the shower, your couch. His obsession over kids grew over this month more than ever, and you were happy to meet his expectations in a middle, since you thought of having a little angel in your small family for a longer time now. Having a dog wasn't enough.

A surprise comes when he proudly admits that he won in the end of the month. Boys are pretty much shocked by this, considering that their Captain didn't even look frustrated once, and he was in better mood than usual. Yet, they don't have a place to complain, so they accept the defeat with a frown on their faces, and a quick comment from Soap that he for sure cheated.

"You didn't win, honey." you laugh to him, sitting at his lap, when he's in his office, alone.

Price arches his eyebrow in amusement. "I did."

"That's not really—"

"Listen, we were tryin' for babies, weren't we? It wasn't egoistical fuckin'." he explains, completely serious.

It takes all in you not to either gasp or laugh again. "So, if it would be without the intention of making babies, you'd lose?"

He gives you a quick nod. "Exactly, missus. Exactly."

Alejandro Vargas

It's easy to last a few days for Alejandro. Maybe even a week, or a bit more. With his kind of work, being a Colonel, you often didn't see him for days, or even weeks if it was a bad time. Right now, with working over destroying a Mexican cartel, being home was rare for him. Was it saddening? Of course, but you knew what you were doing when you married him, you've talked with him about it for days, maybe weeks, even.

So, maybe that's why he didn't really think much of a challenge when he agreed to it, one of the nights he was drinking with Los Vaqueros. Just for fun, just to make a fun memory in this mess they were in. Days were passing in the blink of an eye with the same routine; a few hours of sleep if he's lucky, patrol, documents, action and repeat. Nothing too fancy, nothing too new for a man of war like he is, he got used to it all.

Harder was the moment he came home to you, where you were waiting for him with your open arms, all needy for his presence, for his touch, but somehow, somehow he managed, giving you the best orgasm of your life with his mouth only, even if he was in need too.

"Cariño?" he calls you, confused, when he doesn't see you in bed in the next morning. In his sweatpants only, he goes to the kitchen, following the sound of pan that sizzles lazily in the background.

"Makin' breakfast, Ale!" you reply, looking behind your shoulder with the biggest smile that slowly falters the moment you see his eyes darkening in the span of seconds. "What's with the face?"

He approaches you slowly, caging you between his arms. "Just… appreciating" he says, as he starts kissing your neck "my little wife. Who's been really patient with me, gone for so many days. And now, you're making me breakfast—" he groans, shaking his head. You can feel his growing bulge, as you grind your ass against it.

It's obvious that Colonel lost the challenge, after he arrives to his work with his wife, his arm possessively around her. Why? Maybe it's your neck covered in hickeys, your trembling legs, or his arms visibly scratched, but no one says anything about it in the base.

Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

You have a kind of forbidden romance with him; you're the one of Los Vaqueros, and the romance is absolutely prohibited here, to prevent the collapse of the squad. Not to mention that he's a right hand man of Alejandro, so he has to follows the rules directly. Maybe even more than anyone here, to be honest; setting an example that he's not a exception to the rule.

It doesn't help that you're so kind. That you nod every time you see him as a silent greeting, and then you rush to do whatever you have to do today. It doesn't help him that you're helping everyone around you with a smile that could light up the whole town, and he smiles every time he sees it, too.

Everyone pictures that Rudy would win the challenge easily, since in their heads, his head wasn't occupied with anyone, and he could easily withold himself with his desires.

And maybe he would. Maybe he would, if you weren't the one guarding the base with him, if you weren't the one who was smiling at him with those plump lips of yours.

"If you'd only know how much I thought about… hah—" his breaths are ragged, as the pace of his hips gets quicker. His lips finds yours, as he kisses you with such hunger, you know without a doubt that he means what he says. It automatically makes you smile.

"It's fate that binds us, then" you say, your fingernails clutching at his arms; you're sure that you're the creator of bloody crescents here, but you can't care less about it. Not when the man of your dreams is fucking you.

He smiles at your words.

Rudy never been a good liar, and you painfully learn it, when Alejandro asks him why he's so happy; as you stand nearby, you hear the whole conversation. It's cute in some way, the way he's a blabbering mess, without any sense of it.

It takes Colonel's one look at you, and he knows.

You never walked faster to your work, neither did Rudy.

Konig

If you think he's gonna even try playing at this, you're in deep denial. Maybe if he'd be alone he could try of a genuine curiosity, but not when he has you. Such a pretty, obedient girlfriend, that he has wrapped around his finger, and a girlfriend that is pretty much at his service every time he wants.

He's a man to laugh about that challenge with his squad, telling them that they're filthy, and he would last the whole month, maybe even longer, if it weren't for you. Because he's such a caring boyfriend, he listens to your needs, even if you're whiny.

At least, that's the story that his squad knows.

He tells you about this while he folds you in half, that he needs to act a little grumpy around his squad, to put a facade that he's hungry because it's the right thing to do. When you suggest that he could even try, he barks a low laugh, while he pumps his cock before thrusting into you.

"Schatz, as if. Not gonna play the kids game." it's all he says, kissing you with affection on your swollen lips. "I do not intend on torturing you like this. You wouldn't survive a day without my dick."

There's some truth to it — but you're truly wondering if that's you who wouldn't survive without his dick, or he, that wouldn't survive without your pussy and sex, considering he is even more of a maniac than you are.

dividers by cafekitsune

#cod x reader #call of duty #simon riley x reader #soap x reader #john price x reader #alejandro vargas x reader #konig x reader #ghost x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #gaz x reader #gaz smut #simon riley smut #soap smut #john price smut #konig smut #rudy x reader #rudy parra #tf 141 x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #this is so fucking long i swear to god #ghost cod #simon riley #john soap mactavish

[weaselmcdiesel]

Do You Love The Color Of The 413?

#HOMESTUCK #413 #HOMESTUCK 413 #john egbert #dave strider #rose lalonde #jade harley #vriska #kanaya #terezi #karkat #HAPPY 413 YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!! #THIS TOOK ME 4 DAYS PLEASE LOVE IT #AHHHHHHH IVE NEVER MADE ANYTHING THIS BIG BEFORE #IT'S NOT AS FINISHED AS ID LIKE- LIKE I USED A LOT OF JUST MULTIPLICITY LAYERS FOR SHADING BUT #I DONT HAVE MUCH TIME LMAO #ALSO IM PRETTY SURE TUMBLR WILL EAT THE QUALITY SO PLEASE CLICK TO ZOOM LOL #ART #MY ART #heavens. i dont know if i should tag all the characters? #ill only tag the bigger characters i guess #since so many are in there #it's supposed to be transparent and not black #but apparently tumblr will turn transparency white if the photo is too large #fucking great

[destiel-wings]

Dean actually is a hugger, he just never learned how to express that because who would hug him in his childhood? John??

#dean winchester #spn #john winchester #fuck john winchester #supernatural #hugs #dean winchester & hugs

[ohposhers]

troll who isnt allowed caffeine or she'll reenact the Hammy energy drink scene from over the hedge clay prefers tea anyway

#bruce is back home so hes not in the comic (i couldnt fit him in frame) #i stopped halfway through working on a different troll comic to make this troll comic this keeps happening #of the firm belief trolls have animalistic traits so they hashtag PLAY HARD #im talkin pouncin chasing biting etc etc #let my girls be rowdy at 8 in the morning (branch has babyproofed most of the bunker so they dont knock shit over when they run around) #trolls #trolls band together #clay trolls #john dory trolls #viva trolls #poppy trolls #branch trolls #brozone #im not tagging this as cliva cause imo they are found siblings fuck u but if u see them as lovers i support you barely #im kidding live your dream idc #my art #floyd trolls

[zivazivc]

. . . 😳

#hey uh floyd what the fuck are you saying?? #trolls #dreamworks trolls #i feel no shame for making this #just like JD feels no shame airing out his pits like that #trolls 3 #trolls band together #trolls branch #trolls john dory #trolls floyd #they're roommates now and they live in a sitcom #my art #trolls comic #i came up with this while walking the dog today #i kept repeating it in my head all the way home just so i wouldn't forget it #so much for enjoying a walk in the snow ajdbscbsdjhc