#from platonic life partners to romantic friends

[lai-mar]

Laimar but it’s like. Laios had a platonic crush on Marcille since they met and thinks she’s really cool and respects her a ton, so when they get to know each other, he ends up being like “wow my good friend Marcille is so great” “I love my good friend” “I love my fellow party member” “my FRIEND” and he’s so stuck in the mentality that he doesn’t consider her romantically (he’s repressing) (he’s slow to develop feelings) and it becomes something like “I love my good friend and I will break this evil curse from you and if you weren’t the one with a curse I would’ve taken it anyway. Have I mentioned I love my good friend. My very good platonic friend that I asked to live with me indefinitely and bailed out of jail because I love my very very good friend. My FRIEND” and the funny part is that he sincerely considers her as a good friend but he also treats her differently from other good friends. Because it’s Marcille. And they naturally moved on to something a bit more but he’s still stuck in that mentality.

Meanwhile Marcille was originally dismayed to find out Laios didn’t look feminine lmao so she sees him as Falin’s brother and party leader and she’s like. Okay. I’m getting along with everyone I’m getting a good grade in Dungeoning With People. But then Laios starts saving her and their bond grows and she’s like 🥺 awww and she manages to teach him magic and she’s like yayyy Laios you’re so smart and brilliant :DDDD he’s so weird but I care I want to protect him I want him to thrive I want to stay by his side and support him as king :))) I will love him unconditionally :)) as a friend :)) and they’re orbiting around each other like wow I love my very good friend (they really are good friends but they’re repressed) (glacial slow burn) (friends to friends to friends to ???) (skipped the dating stage to life partners) (basically married without it being said out loud) (leaving wills to each other) (making public appearances together in the kingdom as king and qu— I mean advisor) (woven next to each other in court tapestries) (they will call each other best friends while so much public speculation goes on)

#marcille donato #laios touden #laimar #mine #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers

[crepesuzette2023]

So whats like the general consensus about Stu and John? Do we think they ever messed around or not?

Ooooh, I won't burn and scar my typing fingers on anything like "general consensus," and my cop-out answer is: depends on who you ask. I mean, if you're living in a world where 'a man being with a woman' = straight, or 'a man who never came out unequivocally as queer' = straight, then John and Stu very much never messed around, and, more importantly, didn't feel the desire to.

But I think if you look at it with an open mind, without being afraid of the possibility, you'll see it's more likely they did than that they didn't.

First, you have John, with his life-long romantic idea of being in love with your creative partner (see: his comments on Yoko and Paul)—an idea that fits Stu seamlessly, and perhaps even started with him. In the Hunter Davies bio, John (in '67) calls Stu Paul's predecessor in the 'my trusted partner in art' role.

There is also this conversation with Stu's girlfriend, Astrid Kircherr, as related by Backbeat director Iain Softley:

Paying tribute to Astrid this week, film director Iain Softley revealed her moving words from his interviews with her when he made 1994 movie Backbeat about her and Stuart’s romance.

They hint at a complex relationship between her, Stuart and John. She said it was only after Stuart died that she and John “took a load of pills” and talked for 12 hours about “all the things on our minds about Stuart”. “‘He was jealous when Klaus and I fancied Stuart more, and took him home and left John out,” she told Iain.

“He told me he really loved Stuart, but was afraid of the feeling.”

Iain adds: “I think she thought he meant as a friend, I don’t think there was any suggestion they were in a relationship. But Stuart had always been John’s best friend, they shared a flat in Liverpool. John would write to Stuart as ‘Jesus Christ to John the Baptist’, in the sense Stuart was showing him the way. He looked up to him.

“There was a sense John didn’t want Stuart taken away from him, he didn’t want Stuart to stay in Hamburg.

“At the same time he was very fond of Astrid, but I think there was a conflict there.”

If John was afraid of the feeling, then I'm thinking he felt something that, at the time, and probably still today, was a scary thing to feel. I'll leave it at that.

Also, they were, what? 18, 19, 20 years old? At that age, odds are you do fool around, even if you regret it afterwards. Nothing wrong with that.

Look at this picture of Stu (r.) with Astrid and Astrid's ex, Klaus Voormann. Klaus, who later said he and Astrid didn't work as a couple because she wanted him to be exactly like her image of him, and whose marriage (to a woman) was a platonic marriage of convenience, according to himself. We have now reached the beautiful stage of come onnn! "Straight" was at the party, but so were many others. These relationships were messy! That's awesome!

And how do we feel about John feeling up Gene Vincent, while Paul and George look on knowingly, and Pete Best blanks out? We feel joyous and unsurprised.

A word about Paul vs. Stu, since we're (sort of) at it.

It's possible (what an understatement) to think of their rivalry as sexual rivalry. This is, once more, hinted at in Backbeat, where Stu is more or less giving away John to Paul.

And yet. I think it was more than that. I think everyone, back then, was fighting for more than a bed-partner. They were fighting for their future, for a life unlike their parents'. Paul was fighting for the band, Stu was fighting for John to join him on his artist's way (even giving 'rock'n'roll' a try), and John..

John was, on the one hand, the person either of the others felt he needed in order to realize his dream. But on the other hand, he was the least decided of the three. He may have perceived that, within the trio, he had the fewest fall-back options: Stu had his obvious, much-mentored artistic talent. Paul had a possible academic future bwxt to his musical talent, plus a clear determination to make it in music. John had talent in spades, but perhaps less of a clear-cut idea of where and how to apply it. So he tried keeping both of them close...?

With fun scenes like these as a result:

John sure is feeling campy/cuddly, while Paul is incandescent with rage. A hot look for both of them.

In the end, we don't know if they ever did fool around. My usual reply in those cases is: I hope they did, if they both wanted it. I hope it was good.

I need to check out this book:

John and Paul look happy.

#asks #Stuart Sutcliffe #John Lennon #Astrid Kircherr #Paul McCartney #Backbeat #Iain Softley #mclennon #lenncliffe #it's just handy to fuck your best friend #until it isn't

[relaxxattack]

every time someone calls moirallegience just an alien qpr i wilt a lil like YEAH thats more or less the CLOSEST human thing but its also Literally Not That. like a qpr is fundanmentally not romantic and thats not even going into moirails whole Actual Purpose of calming ppl down. its just. aughhhhh pisses me off i see the confusion but, as aformentioned, aughhhhh

OH MY GOD THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME TOO.... but i don't want to get petty at the people in my notes always saying "moirails are QPRs!" because in some ways that is the closest human thing so it's hard to be mad...

i think there's definitely some overlap in some ways. but NOT because moirallegiance and qprs are the same at all really, but INSTEAD because both relationships have unconventional boundaries defined by the people within them.

you know... like every relationship.

like the only reason the two have overlap is because they are both partnerships that emotionally care for each other but can choose to not bang (which is true for any romance anyway, even if it's considered abnormal). they're both just romances* that are unconventional to human norms, which makes people view them as the same thing when they're not.

i think the REAL issue here is that humans insist on using human words to understand things that are just, fundamentally, alien. can't we just appreciate alien romance for being... alien romance?

no, it's not platonic, it's romantic. it's just romantic in a way you aren't quite wired to understand, is all.

*in generalization, most QPRs are not romantic, because they are made up of aroaces who are life partners in a non-romantic way. however i want to disagree with you that none of them are romantic, because that is up to the partners in question.

#quadrants #homestuck #moirallegiance #BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR SO LONG OMG THANK YOU FOR THE ASK #its just i USED to think they were the same #and then recently i kept getting pissy when people said they were the same so i was like. okay let's unpack this #what's the overlap here and what's the differences? #and really people THINK theyre the same because they think theyre both like. 'im gonna platonically marry my friend!' ^w^ #(which is obviously not actually what either of them are like. lol) #when REALLY what they have in common is 'hey you're a person i want to have a committed partnership. but potentially not sex or tradition' #and it's not really fair to compare them because they come from totally different places and have totally different standards #QPR was created as an ALTERNATIVE to allonorms. its about saying 'hey lets make up our own rules. my life partner can be platonic if i want #whereas moirallegiance IS a norm and its not counter any culture. it's just 'trolls have biological romantic feelings/needs in This way.' #idk idk how to explain it any further because ive spent a fucking hour on this post and i have a massive headache so feel free to ask me-- #more specific questions if the shit i said here doesnt make any sense (；￣ー￣).. #<- wow haha the troll fictive autism really jumped out with this post huh. whoops #hsmeta #long post #op

[possamble]

realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille

#possramble #ignore this im just babbling but #the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel #and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession #platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together #like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married #convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist #but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain #like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just #the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends #the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me #like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed #the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk #people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!! #but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out #don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck. #i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing. #she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it #and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not. #she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over #like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics #and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with #they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic #it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out #like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched #love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it #anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me #it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3 #it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.

[altschmerzes]

it's just that sometimes you're so... impossibly happy and full of so much incredible joy that you gotta post about it on the internet otherwise you may get on the roof with a bullhorn yknow.

#gav gab #FEELING VERY GOOD ABOUT MANY THINGS RN....... #I LOVE MY WIFE. MY WIFE LOVES ME. WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS AND IT BELONGS TO US. #other option is like... dropping the lonely island 'i just had sex' song into my friends' dms lsdkjfs #and they don't need me to be doing that LMAOOOO #it's not just the sex itself that's not even really the point #(though it's. very very good. and i have now learned some ALARMING stats about straight women in relationships) #(ladies if your husband/bf/partner won't take direction that is a failure on his part frankly) #it's like... idk #intimacy. trust. fun. security. safety. etc. all these things i already had with this wonderful person in my life #and being able to decide together what we want to do and what we want it to mean #building something that's just ours. a life a home a relationship etc. #for all that there's no like. blueprint for marrying someone In A Friend Way #and that can be anxiety inducing #(i felt like my heart was gonna pound out of my chest the first time i brought up maybe kissing my fiancee lskdjfs) #it also means we get to make all the rules #we get to make all of our decisions together in whatever way we want to make them and it means what we want it to #and i think that's one of the really wonderful things about like. qprs and committed platonic relationships etc #and it's something romantic relationships could benefit from too tbh #sex ment in tags

[sealovinq]

i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)

#xelle.txt #i noticed i don't really have a permanent circle of friends. at least irl #i have one online but they're also busy and i just can't dedicate my time to one friend group #i don't know - it's just the people i thought who were nice turned out to be the exact opposite #and when i found out about that i just kinda. lost interest in making any more friends #my partner is the only person i interact with on a daily basis. the irl friend group i was referring to earlier i'm not exactly close with- #-them either #i feel like if i didn't only give my time in nurturing my romantic relationship i would have done the same for my platonics too #that's still a problem of mine. my time management between love life and friends. heck i even got myself into an unsolvable problem because- #-of my inability to stay consistent #also my brain is kinda fried from reading 20+ pages so pardon any grammatical errors but yeah anyway #honestly i've been craving for interaction here. but i know i won't be active and it'd just be pointless #to gain more friends or followers. i don't exactly make content as consistently as i did before #the other day i had to vent to an ai (would you believe me if it was cha.tgpt) about my troubles because i had no one else to talk to lol #there's just so much going on irl 😭 ya girl's almost starting college and they're throwing so much tasks at us!! #and i feel very very stressed about it because they're usually done in groups i am ALWAYS the assigned leader #which gets exhausting especially when there are lazy members present #anyway #hopefully this weekend i get some time to cool off. but next week i'm back to grinding and working #lol i don't even think i'm in the top ranks anymore. i'm so burnt out. #this is what being an academic achiever gives you oops ZZHSIAHAHAJAHHS #imma sleep now 😭 #idk you can just interact with me or recommend someone you know who self ships in the same medias i do #goodnight everypony 🫶 #vent tw #rant tw

[honeynclove]

idk ik people don’t like valentines bc corporate holiday rahahhah but i just like it as a day to love my friends and love my family and love my fictional characters and wear cute pink and red outfits and skip around giving red velvet cookies and be happy idk

#:D #☕️!- clove speaks #like Martha speaks #Idk I was in a relationship for one Valentine’s Day and it sucked bc I wished him a happy Valentine’s Day and he ranted ab how it was a #scheme for corporate business to make more money and YEAH #Ik it is but we were long distance and he didn’t have to get anything and all I wanted was to be told I was loved #and tbh after getting out of the relationship idek if I loved him in a normal way I don’t think anything about my attraction to people has #been necessarily normal and now I don’t really think relationships are something I even want anymore #But idk #Valentine’s Day as a day to appreciate things I love #I LOVE my friends I love my family #I love I love I love and none of it is wasted #romantic relationships will never be more important to me than platonic I think #especially after being in a toxic/abusive “romantic” relationship and the only thing that helped me leave it was help from my friends #I’ll never have a friend I regretted loving they were all important to me at some point and helped me grow #it’s hard bc I’ve always felt idk… aceflux? aroflux? And it was very hard to explain to a partner HEY sometimes my love for you isn’t #romantic sometimes it’s platonic sometimes I don’t know how to explain it but I still love you I still want you in my life #Idk none of this matters #If u read this SMASH THE LIKE BUTTON AND HIT SUBSCRIBE

[michiganmerchant]

#i'm losing a war against the mceichel worms in my brains and its like #their dynamic to ME is that one mary oliver quote thats like ''let the soft animal of your body love what it loves'' #except what connor loves is an angry little raccoon he picked up by accident from the trash can (jack) #i think. what is so compelling to me about them in ways that other connor ships do not move me in #well first anytime we're doing lovers to enemies i'm on board but mostly its the whole. not being friends #look one romantic aspect we do not talk enough about is the idea that you wouldnt be friends with your partner if you werent in a #relationship which like. doesnt make sense right? arent all good relationships built on a foundation of platonic affection? #but you would be surprised! at how many people fall into this kind of dynamic! because at the end of the day being partners is a CHOICE #oh my god it was always a choice #anyways i love projecting real life relationship dynamics on fictional men #and i just think. ifs the acknowledgement that they wouldnt particularly work well outside of a romantic aspect that Gets Me So Badly #we're either lovers or strangers #<- THEE mceichel thesis to me #and its just stupid cute and stupid human to find urself falling in love with someone you wouldnt expect #i want that for the both of them. they both need je nay say kwas to keep their incredibly regimented lives normal and fun. #ANYWys. #thinking. perhaps even thoughting. thunking.

[amazinlei]

Hi everyone ;w;

Sad day... we had to take my friend so she can go back home.. I was very happy to take our last photos in person, but due to the stress of getting to her departure flight on time I got pretty emotional.  I’m glad Lilli is the more emotionally tough cookie to crack, but she did hold my hand and told me that good byes aren’t forever, and she’d only be on the plane for 2 and a half hours. <’3 I instantly went home and took a nap after I cried on the way to Chicago, and thankfully we can always chat through tumblr and discord like the good ole days!  I guess... once you met your soul mate in person, you never really want them to leave. :’) But Charlie Barkins put it best when he said that goodbyes are never forever <33 (just made myself cry more just thinkin of that scene X’3)

See ya later, space cowboy!

Featuring, my little lady Rumchata that I need to record what @killertoons​ put in her voice box. X’DD

#ONCE AGAIN. WAILING SCREAMING CRYING #OVER MY BELOVED FRIEND #I hope we were able to give you an amazing time up here in cheese land!!!! #we went to so many places that and you STILL haven't seen enough! #it really makes me appreciate living here in this piece of paradise compared to Lilli's stressful city life #we may have not have much but it's true beauty shines in this time of year #and that's an amazing feeling to show someone something you may have taken for granted being viewed by a new experience #and the bond just strengthens between you both from taking it in #I mean we're still platonic life partners but more as sisters #but man I could straight up take a future partner in a romantic country ride and go on nature trails #I'm a fucking CATCH and ya'll are sleeping on it!!! /j #Lei's Adventures In Life #Lei's Photos And Stuff

[thebeautifulfantastic]

hmmm lots of thoughts about romance and friendship and love tonight. like maybe my best friendship of seven years growing distant and making me realize i love her in a different way from how she loves me had to happen to teach me to let go and focus on internet friends who care about me enough to want to shoulder our burdens together. maybe shit had to hit the fan with The Boy and eliminate any chance of romance and maybe i had to struggle through a couple weeks of heartache and confusion to realize that maybe he wasn’t someone who would have made me happy in that way anyway, and maybe my love for him was never like That. maybe it took the ‘questioning my sexuality’ crisis that followed to make me realize that i don’t need a romantic relationship, maybe ever, because the lines have always been blurry for me anyway and all i really want is not to date, but have A Special Person, to be loved and known deeply. maybe i had to be painfully lonely for a while to realize what will truly make me Not Lonely. romantic and platonic labels be damned, it’s all just Love to me.

#maybe all things happen for a reason and there is a season for everything!!! revolutionary concept i know (was written in the Bible thousand #of years ago) #but also. questioning my sexuality SUCKS especially because i’ve already gone through so much work to accept myself and figure myself out #and i’m such a romantic at heart that considering that i might not really experience romantic attraction or be able to tell it apart from #platonic was hard to grapple with #i think i’m… quoiromantic? and bi-oriented and somewhere on the aroace spectrum? #i swear every time i re-evaluate my sexuality i come out more aroace than before #but i think i’m okay now! i have my dear friends and whatever happens happens! marriage has never been appealing to me #i’ve always just wanted a partner and to be someone’s Most Important Person #and i’m choosing to believe i will find that in my platonic relationships which are love stories in their own right #queer platonic relationships for the win amiright #belle speaks #stories of my life

[alters-journal]

I would just like to say since this is a thing right now.

The aromantic community has opened my eyes to so many different things. I'm alloromantic 100% but man, the aromantic community has done so much for me.

I will always be an ally to my aro siblings. They helped me realize that relationships are not black and white. Relationships are not just romantic and nonromantic.

I have learned that love exists in so many forms. Love takes shape in so many different ways and people. How I experience relationships from my romantic ones to my friendships to my family to my hobbies to communities to the world around me has been forever changed thanks to the aro community.

I've started blurring the lines (in healthy and responsible ways so yk not romantic with my family) between relationships. I've started to be more open and don't limit how I display affection to certain "love types". If I want to make out and go on dates with my best friends I do. If I'm not in the mood to cuddle and be all kissy with a partner I just play a game with them or something.

I'm telling my friends and family "I love you" more. I say that I love things like art and nature more. I call my partners my good/cherished/best/beloved/etc. friends.

I have platonic partners and I'm open to the idea of alterous partners too. The aromantic community has given me language for feelings that I as an alloromantic DO IN FACT experience while also experiencing a romantic attraction.

The aromantic community is beautiful and I will ALWAYS fight with them. They have redefined how I view my orientation and relationships as a whole.

Admittedly, there's still a lot I don't know about being aromantic but you can put your life on me being that stupid himbo ally to them.

AROMANTICS ARE QUEER! THEY ALWAYS WILL BE!

-Mica

#aro ally #aromantic #arospec #aromanticism #queer

[our-aroace-experience]

My mom is approaching 70 and is in what I can only describe as a Queer Platonic Relationship. My whole life my mom has been ambivalent about romance, and I suspect that if she were young today she’d describe herself as aro. She and my dad were happily married before he passed away, but even so, I don’t really have memories of them being over romantic. Their friends and and family didn’t believe them at first when they announced their marriage (when she was 36!) bc they “didn’t act like a couple”. They worked well as partners and both wanted kids, but there was always something different about their relationship compared to the relationships of my friends’ parents. Since my dad’s death she has shown zero interest in getting remarried and has been happily single for more than a decade.

My mom has an incredibly full life. She’s got lots of friends of all ages, fulfilling hobbies, and a shitty little dog that she loves to pieces. I never worry about her being bored and lonely.

She has this neighbor in her apartment building. They help each other out the way couples do with tasks like grocery shopping, attending family events together, and they co parent the shitty little dog, but she swears up and down that there’s nothing romantic between them. They help each other with medication, hospital visits, and navigating the scary changes of getting old together. She and my grandpa used to argue about her getting remarried to this neighbor bc he didn’t want her to be “lonely”. My mom insisted that she’s not lonely and the relationship was not romantic. There’s love and companionship, but it’s “not like that”.

Back when I started to show interest in dating as a teen my mom was so confused. “You actually want to go on dates? My mom used to force me to date and I hated it.” When I came out as gay as an adult she was like “That’s cool. I still don’t get why you wanna date people.”

My dad once told me a story about how early in their marriage, my mom once accidentally “dated” a different man without realizing that he was taking her out on dates. From her perspective she just was having fun outings with a friend. When the guy “came clean” and told my dad “I’m dating your wife” he just laughed because my mom had been excitedly telling him all about their “dates”. She missed every single clue that this guy had been laying down for her that he was interested. “He invited me to have breakfast on his boat! I’m so excited for the birdwatching that time of day!” (My mom also might be a little autistic but that’s neither here nor there). She just is not a romantically inclined thinker.

I love my mom very much and I’m so lucky to have her as a role model. She’s taught me that happiness is extremely versatile. You don’t have to follow a traditional set route for a complete life with meaningful relationships. Romance is a social construct as much as anything, and you are free to engage with it on your own terms. Don’t be afraid to live and love the way you want to. Your life will be fuller and happier for it.

I’m so happy you’ve had a positive experience, and your mum sounds lovely!

#our aroace experience #aroace asks #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace #aro pride #ace pride #aroace joy!

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Now that Buddy Daddies is finished, I’m gonna say it: SPOILERS!

Buddy Daddies really is for the aces, aros, queerplatonic partners, and platonic life partners out there. 

I know, 100%  that there are going to be some people out there that are going to say, “See! It really was just queerbait all along” or some who are going to bemoan the fact that there were no declarations of romantic love or kiss or whatever. I’m sure this part right here:

Miri: “Didn’t you slip out yesterday to go drinking with a girl again?” 

Caused some frowns and I do get it. Because of this, the queerbait and Kazuki and Rei are just friends dialogue will continue and follow the series around. But, this episode has made it clear that Kazuki and Rei love not only Miri, but each other as well.

They are a work partners (相棒 - aibou)

They are partners raising a child together. (相方 - aikata).

They’ve moved (I’m pretty sure their diner is in Okinawa for reasons I’ll get to in another post), they’ve opened a business together, one which has a part of Kazuki’s last name in it (来栖 - Kurusu is his last name, the 栖 (su) part of his name means “nest.”), and Rei’s words to his father: Miri, Kazuki, and I share a bond stronger than blood. 

They are a family. They love each other.

Of course, friends can be a part of a family. Friends can love each other, but there are also reasons why people who are in situations like co-parenting, queerplatonic relationships, platonic life partnerships, and etc. don’t refer to their bonds as friendships and the people they are co-parenting or in a partnership with as their friends, but as words that give some space for those grey areas in-between.

Friendships are strong, deep, and beautiful. Platonic love is love and is powerful.

But, there are definitely still different sets of expectations and boundaries that come with friendships vs. other relationship dynamics. 

Kazuki and Rei’s situation falls outside of the usual friendship expectations and boundaries and sits somewhere between that, family and partnership.

I know this topic has been talked to death about. But, I felt like I needed to write about and address it one final time since Buddy Daddies has come to an end (though, who knows about a potential Daughter Daddies!) Especially after Miri’s line to Kazuki. (I feel I could also go into open relationship dynamics, polyamorous relationships, and etc. but that feels like it would be derailing). 

Basically, I just wanted to get one final post out on this. I was very pleased with this ending episode. It made my heart so happy and warm, and I know I’ve said it before, but this series really speaks to me as someone who is aroace. Aroace characters and our relationship dynamics have basically no rep, so even if this series wasn’t intended to be written with a queerplatonic relationship dynamic in mind, they ended up writing a beautiful depiction of one that makes me and what I would want from a relationship of some kind, finally feel seen.

#Buddy Daddies #BD #Kazurei #Kazuki Kurusu #Rei Suwa #ace #aro #queer #queerplatonic #platonic life partnerships #Miri Unasaka #BD spoilers #Buddy Daddies spoilers #long post #image heavy post

[kitsu-katsu]

No but I hate so much the fact that the amatonormative relationship hierarchy is so strong that romantic relationships are always referred to as More Than Friends™

If two friends seem to be forming a romantic relationship, it can't just be that the relationship is shifting into something a bit different, it is strictly More, and it's especially more not only compared to what the people involved had before, but it's also more than any other platonic relationship they hold. Other friends are expected to "know their place" in the relationship hierarchy despite sharing many more years of a connection with the people involved, because if the romantic relationship is More, then their platonic bond is Less, and it's just how it "should be" and if people get sad that their friend is isolating to their romantic partner only, restricted to only doing what they want to do, stopping speaking to them if their partner chooses so, leaving them behind all of a sudden because they are strictly Less Important, then they are actually ridiculous and should control their emotions because "of course you're less than their new partner"

And this then also translates to people not breaking off toxic, unhealthy or just simply incompatible due to life circumstances romantic relationships because then "they'll lose their partner". Because they already became More, so if they break it off, they'll become Less again and that's scary, and it can never be the same, because it's not just a simple shift where in many cases things don't even change that much, no, if they shift again they're essentially "breaking something sacred", something coveted, they're destroying the whole bond in every which way by Becoming Less. Not even getting into how society expects people to hate their ex-partners, or at the very least be very awkward about them, so people at large really cannot fathom the fact that maybe the change of relationship title was mostly just that and didn't change the dynamic so drastically that changing it back to "just" friends also wouldn't shake the foundations of the interpersonal bond at all. No, if they shake things up, they'll irrevocably lose their partner, they can never talk the same again, they can't share a laugh, they can't coexist as they did because now they're Less

And how this also impacts how people from outside claim to know more about the nature of a relationship than the people in it. Because "You're acting like More", "You can't really think that you're Just friends", "Look at them, 'Just Friends' don't do that, what they have is Deeper, it's More" or on the other side "You don't act like More, how can you say that you're partners? That's not a Real Relationship"

This devalues all types of relationships. People aren't allowed to put the title they want on it themselves. If you want something that's not either like a QPR you're breaking every rule and "actually it's Just a Friendship" or "actually you're just scared to call it romantic because you gave commitment issues but it is". And the people who buy into the More and Deeper can get so wrapped up in that ONE bond being More Than Any Other, that if it breaks, they've isolated themselves into it and pushed their friends away for so long that not it actually became the One Bond they had left

It damages Everyone

#every day I find 50 things about amatonormativity I wanna scream about to my friends #but they just plainly wouldn't get it #aro #aromantic #kitsu rambles #amatonormativity #aroace #it harms everyone. all the time #we need more relationship anarchy

[salemoleander]

I am growing increasingly tired of the way certain sections of the MCYT fandom treats QPRs and non-romantic relationships as if they're inherently within Creator Boundaries. This is both ignorant of what QPRs are, and willfully avoids considering boundaries as anything beyond a useful checklist to bludgeon other fans with.

QPRs can look like friendships, friends with benefits, kink relationships, life partners, and a million other things. They can appear identical to romantic relationships from the outside. They can include sex. It's frustrating seeing QPRs morphed into Schrodinger's Platonic Relationship in fandom, where people write what is functionally just traditional romantic ship fic but still get to yell at other people for Breaking Creator Boundaries.

It feels like the assumption is "Romance might upset creators, but as long as it's platonic it's fine." As if a QPR fic where characters spend the whole time cuddling, or even a fic where they're assigned as family and are written to have a non-existent sibling relationship, wouldn't also be deeply weird & off-putting to creators. (I know many people don't approach creating fan content with creators in mind, but for those who evidently do it seems deeply odd to pretend that romance is taboo but cuddling/whump/etc are inherently unobjectionable.)

A fic where someone gets Overcome By Instincts and kidnaps another character to (platonically!!1!1!) force them to cuddle is way weirder than just having them kiss. Which is fine! It's fine to be weird! The problem is assuming that an ABO fic w/ the serial numbers filed off is inherently More Pure and palatable to creators just because it uses an & instead of a /, and in incorrectly redefining an entire complex relationship category to 'sexless off-brand romance that won't get me cancelled on Twitter'.

#uhhhh not sure what to tag #fandom discourse #mcyt #this isn't so much swinging at a hornet's nest as pulling it into the car next to me and shutting the door #but gd I cannot take the total ignorance of QPRs and hypocritical 'But Boundariessss!' from people writing a neutered version of 50 shades #happy to add more tags for blocking purposes! #salem tag

[where-dreams-dwell]

*spoilers for One Day*

For people saying ‘it’s tragic, Dex and Em only got 3 years together’ no. They got 15 years together.

Glossing over the span of their life together to sum it up as ‘only 3 years together’ misses all the love and time they had together that wasn’t solely romantic.

Why is their relationship only ‘important’ or ‘counts’ when it’s a romantic one? Maybe there was always romantic love buried in there or growing steadily but there was a whole lot of platonic love there too.

For 15 years they were the most important person in the world to one another, they described each other as their ‘best friend’ and the person they reached out to at every high and low moment. And for the last 3 of those years they were also a couple.

There are loads of examples of Dex reaching out to Em when he’s at his lowest: the last birthday with his mum, then he’s reeling from his divorce, when he’s scared people will hate him on TV. And you *could* read that as pathetic and Em being his emotional crutch, with Dex latching into her. But you could *also* see that as when you’re struggling and low, you just want your best friend. Because they *get* you. And part of being a best friend is being there in those low moments.

And Em has done the same with Dex, just in different ways. That first year out of uni Em had no idea what she was doing; in a job she couldn’t wait to leave, a relationship that didn’t make her happy, not sure where she was going in life or what she was doing. Em writes to Dex often, and doesn’t need him to reply to her, just to read her letters and be *her* emotional crutch and person to vent to.

Even at that breakup-dinner, Em has things she ‘needs to talk about’ and she’s reached out to Dex to do it. We don’t see her discussing it with Tilly, we see her trying to talk about it with Dex. She’s at arguably her lowest moment (hates her job, hates her partner, hates her home) and she wants her best friend to listen to her. Just like he did when she was 24 and thinking about giving up and leaving London, and Dex convinced her to stay and keep going.

So they are emotional crutches *to one another*. That’s also part of being someone’s best friend.

And for all the low moments Dex also wanted to share his best moments with her too: when he’s excited about the TV pilot he calls Em to say ‘the only person I want to share this with is you’, and begs Em to find a way to be there. Yes this is also him dismissing and ignoring her achievements, yes this is self absorbed and rude and at the height of his egomania, but in that moment of triumph he only wants his best friend there with him.

When they see one another again at Tilly’s wedding Em is brave and self assured when she reveals she’s ‘thought of you every day, missed you every day’, and that even though they are friends again now the fact that Dex will have a wife and child ‘feels a bit like loosing you all over again. Because people with families have different priorities…’ That’s how close they were before.

The sentiment that ‘we grew up together’ is really true, for the both of them. They were very different people throughout their lives, and if they had tried to be a romantic couple earlier there is no guarantee that version of them would have lasted the course.

Would Emma have stayed with a peak-of-his-tv-fame Dex, partying and living life ‘to the full’? Or would they have explosively ended and decided they were too different for one another for it to ever work?

Would Dex have even tried for a career in TV or a full year of travelling if he’d become a couple with Emma after Uni? Or would he have done something else but grown resentful of what-could-have-been?

If they had sorted out their issues and apologised after their fight and Em had left Ian, would Em have found the strength to turn rock bottom into a spring board and finally write her book? Would she have even hit that bottom at all? Or would the hook have remained a pipe dream while she continued as a teacher, happy with Dex but professionally unfulfilled?

We will never know what could have been, and that doesn’t necessarily make those alternatives the ‘better’ option that they ‘missed out on’.

Maybe they would only ever have had 3 years together as a couple and getting it in their mid 30’s the way they did was their most mature and peaceful version.

So yes at times their relationship feels like it’s moving toward the inevitable conclusion of a romantic partnership. But the time before they get there wasn’t wasted or unimportant or unnecessary. And they were always together.

#one day netflix #one day #emma morley #dexter mayhew #friendship #platonic love #romantic love #star crossed lovers #I just get frustrated when people boil ‘they always loved one another’ down to ‘oh so it was romantic from the start and never changed’ #like bitch the power of friendship?? #the bonds of brother/sisterhood and all that jazz #to say nothing of platonic soulmates #or love that changes and grows #spoilers