Smiling Critters incorrect quotes
Dogday: What is the code etomologists use for "I stepped on it, I'm so sorry, it was dark out and the specimen was very small?"
Bubba Bubbaphant: "Impromptu dissection was performed under less-than-optimal lighting conditions."
Catnap: "Impromptu dissection" is an alarming phrase in any context and I thank you for it.
KickinChickin: What’s biologist for "the little f⭐️cker BIT me and I yote it into the undergrowth on reflex?"
Bubba Bubbaphant: "The specimen was removed from the study pool due to abnormal interaction responses."
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Hoppy Hopscotch: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.
KickinChickin: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.
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Hoppy Hopscotch: Nothing in life is free.
Bobby Bearhug: Love is free.
Bubba Bubbaphant: Knowledge is free.
Craftycorn: Friendship is free.
Dogday: Self-respect is free.
KickinChickin: Everything's free if you don't pay for it.
The Squad: ...
PickyPiggy: Kickin, that's illegal-
Hoppy Hopscotch: No, let him finish!
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Bubba Bubbaphant: Are you tall enough to play basketball though?
Hoppy Hopscotch: Are you calling me short?
Bubba Bubbaphant: I'm calling you vertically challenged.
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KickinChickin: You have Crayons?
Craftycorn: Yes, I have—
KickinChickin: You're— how old are you?
Craftycorn (in tears): YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.
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PickyPiggy: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase?
Catnap: I accidentally fell down.
Bubba Bubbaphant: CATNAP PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay HIS part of our rent!
Dogday: Catnap bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than they did falling down it, so I slide down the banister to get my money.
KickinChickin: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Dogday.
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Dogday: I love you.
Catnap: How many people have you said that to?
Dogday: Everyone.
Catnap: What?
Dogday: I told everyone that I love you.
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Craftycorn: Why does Picky always do the laundry so loudly?
Bobby Bearhug: So everyone knows that no one helps her out in the house.
PickyPiggy, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*
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PickyPiggy: So Hunny-bunny, how did your first time cooking dinner go?
Hoppy Hopscotch: Pretty good if I do say so myself.
PickyPiggy: Oo! Okay, what are we having?
Hoppy Hopscotch: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato.
PickyPiggy: A whole potato?
Hoppy Hopscotch: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches!
PickyPiggy: These just look like big slabs of black.
Hoppy Hopscotch: Because that's what they are!
Hoppy Hopscotch: And then for desert, we have chocolate.
PickyPiggy: These are just chocolate chips?
Hoppy Hopscotch: They sure are!
Hoppy Hopscotch: And then for drinks, we have toast!
Hoppy Hopscotch: *lifts up a glass of blended toast* Bon appetite!
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KickinChickin: I have a plan.
PickyPiggy: Good! As long as we aren’t breaking the law again, I’m open to hearing it.
KickinChickin: …
PickyPiggy: …
KickinChickin: I no longer have a plan.
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PickyPiggy: why can’t any of y’all ever come up with a plan that doesn’t involve breaking the law?
Bubba Bubbaphant (awkwardly looking over at KickinChickin and Hoppy Hopscotch): Picky…You do realize that three of us have been to prison before, right?
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KickinChickin: Have I ever told you that I love you like the mom I never had?
PickyPiggy: For the love of all that is holy, I am not taking you to McDonalds. It’s 2am!
KickinChickin: Mean.
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Hoppy Hopscotch: I'm sorry. Please talk to me.
PickyPiggy:
Hoppy Hopscotch: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure?
PickyPiggy: Hmf! 'Sorry' ain’t never gonna bring back my f🍎cking M&Ms.
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Bubba Bubbaphant: What do we think of Dogday?
*pause*
Hoppy Hopscotch: *shrugs* Nice pal.
Bobby Bearhug: I think he’s gay.
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KickinChickin: That was so hot, Bubba.
Bubba Bubbaphant: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.
KickinChickin: I'm so in love with you.
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KickinChickin: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere...
Catnap: Only as their rodeo clown.
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Everyone is giving advice to Wild
Time: It's okay to ask for help.
Twilight: You're not a burden.
Wind: Murder is okay.
Hyrule: Your feelings matter.
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Four: What’s your favorite color?
Warriors: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.
Four: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?
Warriors: My favorite color is pink.
--
Wind: I bet you can’t make a sentence without the letter “A”!
Warriors: You thought you just did something there, didn’t you? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon.
Legend: Fuck you.
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Hyrule: They… well, I wouldn't call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff?
Time: Um, murder???
Legend: Adventuring!
Wild: Tuesday.
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Sky: Do you ever wonder why you're still single?
Wild, eating mayonnaise straight out of the jar with a spoon: Yeah… I mean, I'm perfect! Who wouldn't want to date me?
Sky, sighing: I can name a few people…
--
Four: Your smug self-assuredness is revolting.
Legend: I think we need to validate self confidence more, lest you end up angry at others for having even a sliver of it. I've done nothing wrong and I have a heart of gold.
Wind: I think this message is extremely valid, but also Legend has implied wanting to set off the Yellowstone supervolcano, so what's the truth?
Legend: I want to set it off.
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i've been thinking a lot about this post again so here's a handful of incorrect quotes based on this au because i'm back on my cal kestis bullshit may possibly do more
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Anakin: Guess what?
Obi-Wan: What, Anakin?
Anakin: No, you have to guess.
Obi-Wan. wary: I don't know.
Anakin: Cal's in the medbay.
Obi-Wan: Why would you make me guess that?! What happened?!
~~~
Obi-Wan: Cal got into a fight today.
Anakin: Oh. That’s... bad.
Anakin:
Anakin: Did he win?
~~~
Anakin: Cal, what do you have?
Cal: A KNIFE!
Anakin: Okay, have fu-
Obi-Wan: NO!
~~~
Obi-Wan, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Cal: I saw someone fall out a tree today!
Obi-Wan, with the tone of someone who is used to Cal: Outstanding.
Anakin, standing beside Cal, covered in dirt and leaves:
Obi-Wan: This is what I'm talking about people.
~~~
Cal, rolling down the window: What seems to be the problem, officer?
Anakin: Get the KRIFF out of my speeder.
~~~
Anakin, pointing at Cal: That child is morally grey at best.
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