Often times I find my self searching for the right thing to say that’ll make everything okay.
But I think those words ran and hid, just like I did when I was a kid. Deprived of love and comfort while surrounded by pain and aggression. I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like without this cloudy perception.
a.e
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It hurts to think about you. Because my head screams “run” but my heart whispers “home”.
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i shouldn’t be this sad this young
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The End Looks Different Without You
The way you left,
Showed me I didn't mean anything to you at all.
I don’t have to wonder why you didn't look back,
and I’ll probably never get to say this to you...
“ I did try my best “
- ursxc11
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I knew him for what felt like forever. Sadly I was the one who fell in love with a boy- as he became a man. I had opened myself up to him, let him in, believed him when he said he loved me. I then watched him disappear. We haven't spoken in years, but I’ll always have the hope that maybe one day we’ll talk again. I hope that, maybe we happened in another world. I felt that we could’ve had a love that set the world on fire. Oh what a shame that would be if it was lost.
//C.A.T. // lost journal entries from 2015
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my mother is great and strong
i wish she would understand that i
could never be like her
i can never be a woman
this coming from a boy who was trapped in
a girl's body once
for 9 months
from a boy who will only live once
it's been 10 hours since 14:30
that means
it's been 10 hours since the end of the world
so i write this to you from the end of the world
from the end of the world
to the beginning of everything
i send
Love, Peace and Prosperity
It isn't bad here
it only is. there's nothing to do. so i have decided to spend
my eternity producing sentences that can reach the people
at the beginning of everything
but what is a sentence but a prison
so it is safe to say i have decided to spend my eternity trying to imprison you
you can see it written everywhere in our grammar
nouns become verbs and verbs become nouns
in a never ending cycle of life and death which some would like to call grammar
"To be is to do and to become is to have done"
but that can only be measured by people like you and i.
the first time the sun rises you will turn 5
that means for the first time you will realise that
the sun and your shadow follows you around
and one day you will ask around.
"Why do i have a shadow? and Why do i have a sun?"
but you will soon realise that such questions are not allowed at the end of the world
the production of perfect sentences is simply frowned
upon
no one here would like to break free
so you will come to me……
but as you come you have to remember
that i am just a word. that man himself
is just a word. subject to grammatical error
trapped in a sentence
trying to break free. but still living in a country
still a mere citizen.
and what is a country but a paragraph.
to be unique is to die a tragedy
and to live as a mistake
to be different is to subtract yourself from a
paragraph (paragraph - yourself) = different
and to become is to move towards death
to live is to move towards death (death being the essence of life)
therefore to live is to be different
you have to realise that it was hard to love your brother
but before it ended
i finally did
the light coming off his skin was not reflected in the country you love
it was only when he opened his eyes to look at his skin that he realised that he was not a citizen
he couldn't tell anyone
he loved himself too much to be slaughtered by
the hands of citizens
and what is to love but to hold a sentence together
only those who can produces sentences freely can
hold sentences together
at the end of the world no one produces their own sentences
let alone write them down
here it's only copy and paste
handwrittings reduced to mere fonts
"times new roman"
a sentence that i hold together
is that the best thing to do with empty hands? i wonder as different moons pass me by
our mother said to me once:
"The only thing one can do with empty hands is to hold on"
but this is the end of the world….. hold on to what?
the streets are painted with the blood of infantile suicides.
but your brother found a sentence once,
"A father is nothing but a dying son" and
"A mother is nothing but a girl who succeeded"
and he held those two sentences together
the way a skeleton holds a skin
the way a skin holds a soul
the way a soul holds a word
and a son or a boy? and a girl or a daughter? those are just words not ideas don't worry about them
not all sentences managed to trap ideas
some sentences failed like , "Love your neighbour as you love yourself" or "i promise to speak the truth" or "i will love you forever" or "it get's better with time"
they thought they could hold time in a sentence
so as you walk carry a life sentence in your right hand
as a testament to your existence
and a knife in your left
symbolising the sentences you are yet to write
a boy is a gun, a girl is a bullet, a country is a paragraph
and TO LIVE is to witness a WORD wither away
on the days you will feel as though you have no influence
realise that it will pass… let it pass… let it pass through you
only you will remain afterwards
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Part of me died when he stopped touching me without me having to ask. I grew to resent the touch of anyone after. Because if I could rationalize that I hated anyone touching me then it would be okay that he never touched me.
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"the way you love me is not right."
"how can you tell if a love isn't right?"
"when you don't love for yourself," they say, "when you keep loving for someone else."
— from a never written book, ( shewasholy )
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clvii.
why,
why do I
try when it's
as though
the more I try
the harder I fall
...
I do it all for her;
that little girl
that was
frightened,
lonely,
had no one
and nothing
I do it because
she needed
hugs and kisses,
not hit or misses
I go through
all of this
for her,
that little girl who
used to be me
because she
deserved better.
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Quote 27
With a bite mark on my shoulder and a scar on my mind, you stand in front of me and say, "not all men."
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You know what we should do? Commit war crimes and fix this world. We should cause mutually assured destruction. Also? Period cramps need to not kill me in school. I want to function and not have the urge to commit murders or arson. Everyone on tumblr should start a militia and overthrow all the governments and watch nature take this earth back from us dumb people. TIME TO DO SOME WITCHY SHIT
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“Describe her to me.”
I looked out the window and smiled, “Times Square at midnight.”
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some days you will feel completely and utterly alone, annoying, and unlovable. as if the entire universe is conspiring against you.
then some days your friend will gift you a souvenir from their trip to argentina, and it’ll smell like oranges. the weather that week will be beautiful. and the world won’t feel nearly as heavy.
— i promise you, you are never unlovable.
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text: [sad summer in which your eres are no longer like sun rays sneaking through the window on any day of my life.]
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you are the stars,the sun
and you are the oceans, the sea
and you are enough
don't ever wither away
but i see you from afar
you're trapped still
in the castle of lies we built
with walls that could bend
steel truth
but i left
and i left
you there still protected
but i see you from afar
the protection kills you
i worry that you're withering away
i worry that your fail to see
the light, the truth
i worry that all that is left
is your left hand and
you no longer give
you
i see that you're withering away
but i see from afar
i see that you're alone
you were the stars
you were the oceans, you were enough
but now i see you're withering away
i'm sorry i left
i'm more sorry that i cant say
it was'nt a right decision
i love you
i cant touch you
i cant touch your lies
i cant help you
i wish i could
i'm sorry that i cant Juno
you know how much i love you
a sun sets,
i can only witness you fade into the unknown
i see you wither away
you're protected
you're loved
Juno everyone wants to love you, yet you
wither away
Juno everyone loves you
don't wither away
i always said we would have to go down together
but that was a lie.
i freed myself, i set my soul free
i could have never been able to free both of us
you cant even feel yourself
your own suffering
you cant look at yourself as you go
its my burden to see you go
cursed to see you suffer
cursed to see you wither away
i love you
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